#i think what i remember more about projects wise was.. papers.. writing

[the-moon-pal]

Wont lie.. im still a bit bitter that my college years were during the pandemic

[idrewacow]

One of the things I really enjoy (and respect!) about your negitoro fics is how different Miku and Luka are with every fic. It embodies the spirit of vocaloid, I think, that they can be anything if put into the right setting and given to someone who knows how to use them.

There's no question that 'Tale of Survival' Miku is worlds away from 'Stray Cat' Miku, and 'The Reason' Luka is... quite different from 'Panthera' Luka, to say the least. And yet, I find myself immersed in the world of each fic so quickly that I wouldn't even think to doubt that this is them, without question. Within each universe, they've got spot-on, consistent characterization that just blows me away.

So my question is, if you don't mind sharing, what goes into the character planning process for your stories? How do you decide who they are for each new story?

Thank you!

That's quite a tough question, actually. A little bit of a chicken and the egg situation in this case, because it begs the question: what comes first, the story or the characters within?

It honestly varies immensely per project. Going into Tale of Survival, or Stray Cat, I knew exactly who I was writing because those were based off of prompts. So I went in going knowing who it would all be about, so crafting the story became an art of finding an interesting place to put these people. Then, once you put them there, you realize that their environment has an impact on these characters, and they change and evolve into someone new.

The Reason is the opposite: I wanted a very particular setting, a mood, a set of circumstances. I wanted a story to go exactly the way I wanted it to so I crafted a set of characters that would make the story move accordingly. But then the characters grow and you learn who they are and boom, their decisions go against yours and the story veers slightly out of control towards the end.

So as you can see, regardless of what I start with, whether it be characters or story, the other half of the equation inevitably ends up imposing itself. And as many authors know, it ends up working out anyway because stories are organic things. As long as things move forward and evolve, they're usually interesting by nature.

To answer on a more technical level, actual character crafting and planning isn't something I get very involved with. There are tons of guides out there, sheets to fill, advice for creating a consistent character, and they can all be helpful. But most of the time, when I put the pin down in what kind of character I want (whether I start with a character, or whether I need one for a particular story) I just kind of...go by gut feeling. I know exactly who I start with, and for this sometimes I do use these characters sheets and such. Plus, generally, I can guess how they'll fare and grow throughout the story. A character arc is always a must-have, after all. I knew that Luka in Space Shanty would go through a major transformation character-wise, otherwise she would just be deeply unsympathetic until the end.

But when it comes to the details, I just trust my gut to tell me how they'll reply, how they'll reason, what they'll think, how they'll prioritize, depending on their situation and who they are right then and there. If I need a reminder of who they are, I re-read the text I've written so far, placing special attention to their growth, what they've witnessed and learned, and what kind of flaws are still holding them back. Sometimes I'll make little notes: "Remember Miku doesn't know about xyz yet," or "Luka shouldn't accept xyz until abc," stuff like that. And always, upon re-reading after the first draft is done, I fix the pacing, tweak dialogue, because you never know exactly who they are and what they've been through exactly until it's all been written down and committed to the page. Kind of like writing the introduction of a paper only after writing the rest: it's best to write the introduction only after you know exactly what you're introducing. In my first draft, I didn't know that Luka from Stray Cat would make the move until she kind of just did, again, due to environment, interactions, and unanticipated growth. And once she did, I had to go back and make sure that it made sense for her character, and when it did, I solidified that.

Long story short, it's an incredibly vague and imprecise art for me. Which makes it a bit of a relief to hear that my characterizations are as solid as they are! But no character exists in a vacuum, spending time to carve one into stone has never helped me, and vibes are apparently just enough to get the job done. Write, re-write, read it again, write it all over again, all the while getting to know who you're working with and exactly what they're going through. Don't insult their intelligence, don't make light of their pain, don't skip on the happiness, know exactly what they stand to lose and what they want to gain. Make them wonder what they'd rather do: lose and keep what they have, or win at the cost of all they had. Even victory has a cost (at the very least, the sacrifice of the status quo), and you're never left with the same person you started with.

I hope that answered the question! Thanks again for the kind words. :)

[somethingclevermahogony]

Writer Questionnaire

Thank you for the tag @phoenixradiant and @mk-writes-stuff!

About how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr?

I created this blog at the end of 2022 but went inactive for a big portion of 2023.

What led you to create it?

I was already working on my WIP, which I want to publish one day. I was worried that people wouldn't be interested in what I was making, so my partner (@persnickety-peahen) suggested that I should make a tumblr to see how people would react to my ideas.

What’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

I enjoy seeing how people are able to bring their characters and their settings to life. I really enjoy reading the snippets of other people's work.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I'm always willing to talk, whether about writing or something else entirely. Just a warning though, I have a tendency to ramble

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

Worldbuilding! I know I'm a bit of a lore fanatic, but I want to see some huge exposition posts from my mutuals too!

Which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I really only have the one WIP, The Testaments, but I have bits and pieces from all over the planned series bouncing around in my head. I just finished a big paper and so I'm hoping to get back to writing Book 1 soon!

How long have you been working on them?

I suppose that depends? Working on it as in actually sitting down and plotting things out, or just scribbling in my notebooks? I'd say probably about 5 years now.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

It was a few things, just random ideas that sort of conglomerated into Narul. Then I started making a world for him to live in.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Very often, can't really say how much, I have a tendency to imagine scenes in my head. Basically whenever I'm listening to music, I'm likely thinking about Testaments.

When someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

It depends on who I'm talking to. I say its fantasy but based on the ancient near-east/Mediterranean rather than Europe. If its someone that is familiar with that region/period I usually go into a bit more of a spiel about how Narul is in part inspired by characters like Gilgamesh but with the opposite of Hubris.

Name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, your first original abomination; whomever you’d like!

I'll go with Bop. Bop was a once terrifying wind spirit that now resides inside of a hammer. They are at once incredibly wise and ancient and very naïve. I created them as an immortal friend for Narul. What if the One Ring was a just a chill non-binary pal?

Who’s the most unhinged?

Zatar, though Batricca is a close second (Great Grandson and Great Grandma, crazy violence runs in the family).

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Narul is pretty easy to write, because in a lot of ways he's representative of my own anxiety. But I also find that writing spirits and scenery comes really naturally to me.

Do you ever cringe at them?

Not really. Istek's flirtation is probably the most cringey thing that a character does and even then its more funny than anything. Ninma can be an annoying little brat, but is not cringe inducing,

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

I'm not really sure. I'd say I'm pretty in control of my characters, if only because I have most of the serious plotted out. But sometimes new characters appear or characters just do something because it feels right in the moment, I suppose you could say in those instances that they write themselves.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

I love answering questions about my characters and world. I have a couple questions I need to get to (I just need to finish my conlang post). Send asks, tags, replies, reblogs, anything!

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I tend to look for writeblr intros and read them over. If the story seems compelling, I'll follow. Pretty simple. Alternatively if someone follows me I tend to follow them back.

What makes you decide against following?

No content on their blogs, certain political/social ideas (no terfs), I don't tend to read a lot of fanfic (not to say that it isn't totally valid) so I don't tend to follow blogs that are solely based around fanfic rather than original content.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Not really? I wouldn't mind interacting more though!

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

A few will occasionally seep into my thoughts. I will admit though, I am terrible at remembering the names of my mutuals characters, especially when I take long breaks. Djek and Izjik from @illarian-rambling appear in my head every once in a while. To tell you the truth though, I tend to think more about the worlds and settings of my mutuals rather than their characters.

Tagging @willtheweaver, @elsie-writes, @elizaellwrites, @roach-pizza, and leaving it open!

[entamewitchlulu]

thinking about it now and like, maybe it's half just because this is what speaks to me personally, but all of the short stories that i go back to thinking about regularly have all been spec fic.

there was this one about a world where instead of going to prison for crimes, people would serve "sentences" of giving up their memories. A minor crime meant you might forget the last two years. A life sentence meant forgetting literally your entire life and starting over. It was told from the point of view of a guy who served a life sentence returning home to a family he did not remember and who very clearly was still afraid of him, but he had no idea what he had even done or who he had been before.

then another one that was like, written as a research paper with editing notes in the margins that was telling the story of a woman whose child had been killed by a self driving car and was clearly working through her anger at her editor for being involved with the project. that one was really cool because it did cool shit with the formatting.

another cool one formatting wise was a story told exclusively through the style of forum threads, with a conversation between people in the comments on a lyrics website talking about an old folk song, discussing other translations and meanings of the song, and something very, very weird going on with one of the people who was a part of the conversation. bro the author even recorded the song the "forum" was supposed to be about!!

it's just like. i feel like i was so deprived of these ways to tell stories because my classes never even acted like these options existed. sure i have the chance now to go find them myself, but i spent thousands of dollars to be told there's one way to write a story and that if i deviate i should go fuck myself. we could have had so many more experimental ideas to play around with. There are so many incredible ways to tell stories and I had to go out of my way to find them myself. We could have had so much more.

[cosmereplay]

Dalenar the Brave and Mightee and Wise

by cosmere_play, 700 words, rated Explicit for brief description of sex

Enjoy this fresh crem. It's not part of any challenge or anything, it's just something I thought was funny and stupid and I wanted to inflict it on all of you. It's also a very silly love letter to the Stormlight fanfic community. You can read the whole thing on ao3 here, or read the first part below, rated Mature for a brief sex ed lesson.

It was the end of a long day of meetings and decision-making, and Dalinar found himself looking forward to some alone time. Navani would be spending part of the evening with little Gav, and that gave Dalinar time to turn his attention to a more personal practice: writing.

He heard the sound of papers shuffling as he stepped into his study. He froze, staring. Renarin stood beside his desk, one hand clutching a page, his face a mask of embarrassment.

"Is that…?" Dalinar started to ask, but he could already tell that it was. Renarin had seen the project he was working on. His personal writing project.

Renarin, to his credit, nodded, putting the page down in its place on the desk. "I'm sorry, Father," he said softly, looking downwards. "Um, I thought it might be a memoir, and I got carried away. I read most of it."

Dalinar's cheeks flushed with heat. He opened his mouth, then closed it again wordlessly. Blood of my fathers, how do I explain this?

Renarin met his eyes briefly, then looked down again, pulling out his cube to fiddle with. "I think…I think it's good that you are trying out fiction writing," he said. "Nohadon and...Dalenar's journey to Urithiru is, uh…definitely a unique story."

Dalinar closed his eyes. Had he gotten as far as the part where…

"Well, I think I'm gonna go now," Renarin said.

Dalinar sighed, composing himself. "Son, you must have come here for some reason," he said. "Out with it." Anything to not talk about this.

"Honestly, Father, I don't remember what I came here to tell you," Renarin said, edging past him.

Renarin stopped, as if changing his mind, and put a hand on Dalinar's shoulder, much like Dalinar would do if he were imparting a piece of wisdom. He saw a measure of concern in his son's eyes.

"What?" Dalinar asked.

"I, um," Renarin frowned. "I just want to make sure you know that spit isn't the best lubricant for anal sex. You—I mean—your character, Dalenar, should use oil."

Dalinar huffed and stammered. Spit had been good enough for his elites back in the day, but he wasn't going to say that to his storming son.

The young man stared at him a moment longer, his gaze burrowing into Dalinar's very soul. "Afan oil is best," the young man added.

It was everything Dalinar could do to keep eye contact. If he looked away, it would mean he'd conceded the point, and he would not be intimidated.

Finally Renarin gave him a paternal pat on the shoulder, and left.

Storms, I should've told him not to tell anyone, Dalinar thought.

He sat down at his desk and shuffled through the pages of his story. Everything was still in order. For a brief moment he considered burning it, but he didn't want to take the chance that the Almighty might still be alive enough to confuse it for an offering.

No. He was determined not to let his shame overcome his enjoyment of his personal writing. He did say it was unique. That was something.

Instead, he informed his guards that no one should enter the room, and sat down again to review the most recent page.

He smiled to himself as he read. This is perfect just as it is, he thought, and slid a hand down his pants.

Want to read the fic that Dalinar wrote? Warning: it's rated Explicit! Click here and scroll to the end!

[pokerninja2]

For tonight's Super Mario Spikers breakdown, I'll be covering some sidekicks. I already did Hammer Bros. and their related species a few weeks ago, and now I'll be doing a more general "recurring enemies" breakdown, featuring Goomba, Koopa, Piranha Plant, and Spiny!

If I had very little to say about Daisy last time, I have basically nothing on Koopa and Goomba. Goomba wears a hard helmet to protect himself from any brown boots trying to stomp him, while Koopa is just wearing a jersey and a shell matching his team's color. Their attacks do have some inspiration, Headbonk being based on how Goombas attack in the Paper Mario series, and Shell Slam being named after Koops' move in The Thousand-Year Door, but other than that... yeah I got nothing. This project was inevitably going to have some simpler characters, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Like I said with Bowser, I don't think everyone needs to be jam packed with reference material. Some characters work just as fine on their own.

In comparison I have more to say about the other two. Piranha Plant, obviously, drive around in the Piranha Pipes from Mario Kart: Double Dash. This actually has precedent, as Piranha Plants used them in the Piranha Panic minigame in Mario Super Sluggers! Well, they're not technically called the Piranha Pipes in this game, but those are Piranha Pipes if I ever did see one!

Considering this was made after Smash Ultimate, it probably would have made more sense to have them hop around in pots... but the kart just seemed more fun. Their attack doesn't have a direct reference, just being loosely based on how jumping into their wide open jaws is not a good idea. Overall I think Piranha Plant came out pretty good!

Of these characters, Spiny probably has the most originality going for it design-wise. They often have shells made of spikes, but they seem to have foregone those for smooth ones. That's what one would think anyway. Get close to one, and you'll turn into a shish-kebab when one of its retractable spikes skewers you! This isn't really a direct reference to anything. As of writing I remembered there WAS a Spike Top variant in Super Princess Peach that makes its spike taller, but that didn't cross my mind drawing this. The Thorny Fortress attack, however, is based on something, and not from within the Mario series. It was based on Needle Kirby!

One of my friends pointed out how it makes sense for Spinies to be defensive powerhouses, and I think that perfectly describes their role!

Not a ton of things to talk about this time, but that's generally gonna be the case with sidekicks. On the bright side, doing multiple at once means I don't have to make as many of these if I ever intend to catch up with the current roster! Instead of doing 150 I only have to do like, 100. Still a lot, but better than nothing.

[sweet-star-cookie]

Forgive me, I almost never add commentary directly onto posts outside of tags because I lack brevity, but I'm REALLY passionate about this and I was discussing it with a friend literally yesterday, so it's fresh on my mind. I'm also a novice writer working on her first solo project, so analyzing and learning from this stuff is very important to me for my scripting and character writing.

I think we need to remember what the definition of filler is actually supposed to be in this context: Pointless padding or additions that serve no purpose outside of "filling" run time. And that's a key word there: Pointless.

Episodes or plot lines that diverge from the main plot of a story are not INHERENTLY pointless, they can have other uses even if it's as simple as giving the characters a break. That break then becomes the purpose of that episode, and can be good for the audience as well as the characters. I would argue that, in most cases, it is a NECESSARY inclusion. It allows for the audience to slow down and process everything, and allows the characters to have slower or lower-stakes scenarios and interactions. Like OP said, "the action doesn't hit as hard without the quiet moments". It's all about that balance. There are also many ways to incorporate important things within these episodes as well. And don't get me wrong, "filler" episodes that actually have secret lore or are otherwise plot relevant are very cool ways of threading the needle between the two, and I think media needs more of this too.

But even if it has NOTHING to do with the main plot at all and never will, not even lore wise, simply putting characters into fun or interesting situations can be an excellent way to showcase their personalities, their dynamics with other characters or parts of the world, or just provide a fun "what if" scenario that can endear an audience to a cast even more than before. It's a bit like improv, and it's your job as the writer to follow the "yes, and" principle, at least every once in a while.

A common piece of writing advice that I've come across is that the concept or story should always be second to the characters themselves. If you have good characters, you can put them into almost any scenario and still make it entertaining. If done well, it can be just as fun to see an action hero save the world as it is seeing him go to the grocery store or walk his dog. Mixing the complex with the simple or mundane adds variety, the spice of life!

I often think about how tight the scripts for Pixar movies were prior to their decline in recent years, and how every aspect of a scene could inject character and purpose into it, as well as setting up important foreshadowing or just hints at personality.

I think of Up as an example, not just because of the excellent first 10 minutes, but what happens immediately AFTER that too. We see Carl's morning routine, how he gets up, what he eats for breakfast, and so on. Normally, this would be incredibly boring to watch in isolation, but it's the CONTEXT that gives these quiet moments their importance. We're not just seeing Carl's morning routine, we're specifically seeing what his life is like without Ellie. This scene, despite how mundane it is on paper, is NECESSARY for contrast to the opening and the adventure that occurs later in the movie. We see how empty and lonely Carl is without his wife. This is all expressed completely without dialogue as well, and thus relies on the character acting through the animation and shot composition.

Moreover, we see so many little details about Carl's personality in these scenes too. The time he wakes up in the morning, how he adjusts the little bird figure after putting it on the mantle, how many locks he has on his door, the grape soda cap pinned to his clothes that seems out of place because we don't have context for it yet. In my opinion, the movie would be significantly weaker if this scene was taken out and we immediately jump to Carl meeting the people from the senior's home right after the opening, even if that would speed up the plot progression to do so.

What I'm trying to say is, injecting as much character and personality as you can into "filler" scenes or episodes, even mundane ones that aren't plot relevant, is not only important but also NECESSARY to fleshing out characters and worlds. Omitting those scenes entirely does much to harm not only the pacing of a work, but the characters and overall impact of the story itself.

It doesn't have to be complex or nuanced either, I've seen so many stories with simple but good characters and interesting concepts, but they simply aren't given enough time to tell those stories properly, and "filler" is an important part of fixing that. Relying entirely on the breadcrumbs of characterization of plot-heavy scenes is often not enough for it to be effective. Don't you want to see MORE of your favourite characters, not less?

genuinely one of the worst things that’s happened to television in the last few years (exacerbated by streaming services) is death of Filler. going from 20 episodes to 8 because “we didn’t really need that episode where the main characters went to the beach right? it had no long lasting effect” but we DID!!! we needed to see how they act without the Big Bad Plot and to establish the dynamics between the characters and lay in the sun (do they forget sunscreen? how do they react to a thieving seagull? do they get buried in the sand or do they do the burying?). the plot isn’t everything. the action doesn’t hit as hard without the quiet moments. give us character development and our little scenes back

[iselsis]

The most important essay tip EVER

The most important tip for college essays actually has nothing to do with writing at all and everything to do with how you hand it in.

Never. Ever. EVER tell your teacher that you finished the essay last night while you were sleep deprived or five minutes before class. Same goes for outlines, homework, anything. NEVER.

I have done this on multiple occasions. I knew that the draft I was turning in to my English teacher wasn’t the best since I’d done it late at night. I was hoping either for slack or that he’d think “she did pretty well considering she threw it together at three in the morning” and be gracious. 

Then I spent a semester teaching a high school English class for a local co-op, and I realized why that phrase is so bad. I, as the teacher, spent hours putting lessons together, grading papers, trying to explain the rules of grammar to these kids. I taught them how to outline, how to write, the problems to avoid, and when they handed me their essays after all that work I’d put in, a solid half essentially told me that they had put virtually no effort into their work and that they didn’t care about the quality of their work enough to make time to do it. 

What you are saying when you tell your teacher “I did this late last night, so it’s probably not very good,” or “I finished this five minutes ago and just got it printed in the library,” is not “have mercy, oh wise teacher,” like you think you’re saying. What your teacher hears is “I do not value the time, work, and passion you have poured into this class.” 

Even if the piece you hand in is actually good, even very good, remember that you are being graded on more than just your work. You’re being graded on your participation and your attitude too. Remember, the teacher does not know you could have done better unless you tell them. If the teacher thinks you’ve done your best, they’re going to be more gracious even if the piece isn’t very good than you would be if you admit that you barely even tried.

I get it, I really do as much as it stung coming from my students: you want to explain yourself, you want your teacher to know that you are better than this, but you forget that your teacher is human too. The best advice I can give you is that if you had no time to work on a project, procrastinated, or just forgot, simply shut your mouth, hand in what you’ve got, and put as much effort as you can spare into it next time. 

[embeanwrites]

Hi. I don't know if you allow requests right now, with you know... The only reason I'm writing it right now is because I don't have a slip of paper to write this on. You know how Artemis is really rude right? So how about an x reader where the reader rates everything he says with how ok it is to say it? And maybe (if you feel up to it) a confession? (like they were just friends up to this point) Just remember that you're not obligated to do any of this. Ignore it if you like.

Masterlist

A/N: I absolutely adore this idea! And with a confession? That’s a chef’s kiss right there! (Also, me? Basing the antagonist on an asshole I had to deal with at school? Yeah, it’s more likely think you’d think.) Artemis may be a little OOC, so let’s just pretend he went through a lot of character development.

Word Count: 1042

“That is absolutely the most unintelligent idea I think you could’ve come up with.” He deadpanned at one of his group members, next to him he heard you suck your breath in through your teeth and groaning. He braced himself for your rating, everyone in the group looked over at you. After a few years of knowing Artemis and you, they knew he was either about to be praised or chewed out.  

“I’m giving that one a 4 out of 10 and only that low because you’re right. Josh that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.” You responded as you crossed your arms and to be fair, why on earth would they propose a monorail for their group landscape project? They were given a small town in the countryside that had maybe a 100 people. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Artemis smirk, obviously happy that the number was under 5. 

This was a game that started between the two of you since you had met. Artemis had essentially torn their teacher’s syllabus to shreds day one and you leaned back in your chair with a smirk and said, “On a scale of 1 to 10, you get a 10 for ripping this man a new one.”

You both got detention that day, which frustrated Artemis, but not as much as you deciding that the two of you were going to be friends. At first Artemis attempted to ignore you as you followed him around, commenting on his remarks. But after a while, you wore him down. He found himself smiling and occasionally laughing at what you said and suddenly he didn’t find your presences to be a bother anymore. Instead, a welcome distraction from being branded as someone who’s essentially untouchable. You didn’t care about his last name and who he was, you seemed to actually enjoy being in his company. You introduced Artemis into a whole new world, including gossiping. Artemis’ parents were shocked when the two of you walked into his house laughing. 

Artemis watched as you continued to scribble down ideas for your group project. Class had about five minutes left and for your group’s sake, you had asked Artemis to not steam roll the idea. You were sicker of them coasting off him than he was. 

“It’s a small community that’s about 50 miles away from a hospital, sure they have med checks, but a real emergency room maybe our best bet.” You suggested, out of the corner of his eyes he saw you looking over quickly and fidgeting with your hands. Were you looking for his approval on your idea? That was new. 

“How’s that better than my idea?” Josh complained. “If there’s only roughly a 100 people no matter what we pick will have a small impact, they need something that will draw people in!” 

“It’s more practical!” You argued back, tensing your hands. Your attention was pinpointed onto Josh, Artemis watched your nostrils flare as you looked over at him. 

“Oh yeah, get your boyfriend to agree with you.” Josh immediately teased, causing both of you to tense, but before you could get a word in edge wise the bell rang, and Artemis watched you deflate. Josh and the rest of their group was quick to leave, but Artemis watched you lean your head back and sigh. Both of you had free period from now until the end of the day, so neither of you were in much of a rush. 

Artemis finally looked away from you as he started packing up everything, you stayed motionless. 

“Hey, are you coming?” Artemis asked softly, the way you were acting highly unusual for a Friday. He expected to see this behavior on a Monday, not now. Artemis stood in front of you trying to get your attention. You finally nodded and sigh, grabbing your stuff. Artemis had never seen you so listless. “Josh is an idiot, we’ll figure something out, we have two weeks to design the project.” 

“I know.” You grumbled as you got up and threw your backpack over your shoulder. You started walking out of the classroom, not waiting for Artemis like you usually did. Artemis sighed and followed you. Stopping at your locker, he watched you throw your books and grab your coat. 

“You’re leaving?” He asked, surprised. It was Friday tradition for the two of you to hang out in the library. It was technically your “flex period”, a new study hall that allowed students in advance placement classes to leave for internships, study time, or anything else. You closed your locker and pressed your forehead to it. “Are you…mad at me?” He asked softly. He’s never seen you like this and he’s known you for three years now. 

“10.” You murmured, surprising Artemis. 

“I know that is not the rudest thing I’ve ever said.” He said softly as he leaned against the locker next to yours, crossing his arms and smiling at you. “Now come on, we don’t keep secrets from- “

“He called you, my boyfriend. That’s what’s bothering me.” You snapped. 

“But that’s not true, he was just trying to get a rise out of you.”

“I know that.” You sighed again, pushing yourself off your locker and turned towards him. It took him a moment to realize what you were saying. 

Oh.

Oh.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” You said rolling your eyes, Artemis smiled. Even frustrated you were your regular self. “I like you; I have for a while and I know we’re just friends. I’ll get over it and- “

“What if I don’t want you to get over it?” Artemis interrupted, surprising you. Your eyes were comically wide as you blinked at him. “If you insist that we leave now instead of studying, at least let me grab my coat and we can go out on a date.” 

“We’re going to need a new scale for when you try to be romantic and miss the mark.” He laughed and rolled his eyes. He grabbed your hand and begun leading you towards his locker. 

“Yeah, yeah, give me a learning curve.” He teased, causing you to smile and lean towards him and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

“I’ll try my best.”

[draculeo]

how do you/what method do you use to study? maybe im being whiney but 10th grade is really just being one prolonged slap in the face telling me that i dont have any good habits or even sense of a work ethic at all

to be completely honest with you i’ve never been one to sit down and study (although I do have some general studying/getting shit done tips here). for transparency‘s sake, I am one of those people who just naturally does well in school. that being said, there are a few things that I think have contributed to my academic performance and maybe they’ll work for you too :)

1) Learn to understand, not to get the right answer. It’s best to approach schoolwork with a mindset geared towards actually learning the subject rather than answering all the problems on a worksheet or whatever.

2) Prioritize + take shortcuts. Set your goals (whether that be quantitative grades or qualitative) and figure out what it takes to get there. Focus on those important things and allow yourself to take the easy way out for other assignments or lessons that don’t factor into those goals if you need that time for something else. For me, this can look like choosing not to turn in one assignment to focus on another project because I know I dont need said assignment for my grade or for my learning bc I already understand it.

3) Adapt to what works for you and go easy on yourself. If possible, don’t work against your natural habits and instead try to incorporate them into your studying routines. For example, rather than forcing myself to sit still and listen to a lecture, I bring my knitting or crochet with me because I know it’s a way for me to move around while still being able to pay attention. I also am awful at starting essays so rather than just sit and stare at a piece of paper or a word document I literally start writing the paper into a tumblr post lol because it just feels easier to me. So. Work with yourself.

4) I know everyone says this but understanding your learning style really goes a long way. It doesn’t have to be a concrete categorized style (mine definitely isn’t, and it varies depending on the subject) but think back to previous classes and teachers and note what worked vs what didn’t. I mostly learn by doing things (aka solving a problem myself rather than watch someone else do it) and by understanding the “why.” I like to recognize patterns and make connections. When I‘m learning a subject, I don’t just focus on it in a vacuum. Instead, I think about the history behind it, the linguistic background of the terms, who came up with it, what influenced its conception, how it contributed to other discoveries, etc etc etc. Since I know that that’s how I learn, I know forcing myself to sit down and read the same pages over and over is useless and I can use my time more wisely. Try to think back to your favorite subjects and teachers and remember why they clicked so well with you and use that to your advantage

ok sorry i dont have an easy one-and-done answer but hopefully this can help u figure out the best direction to go in in terms of developing your own “study” habits

[q-gorgeous]

Falling Out

fanfiction

ao3

Sam and Paulina are assigned as partners for a school project.

word count: 2581

for @phandom-phriend

heyo bro

“I don’t get what the big deal is.”

Sam stared at Paulina, who was standing in the middle of the hallway twirling her hair between her fingers. 

“You don’t get what the big deal is? Your boyfriend literally just beat someone up!”

Paulina scoffs. “He’s not my boyfriend! And that kid was a loser anyway. His family is just a bunch of freaks.”

Sam looked at Danny who was still laying on the floor, his breath wheezing from when it was knocked out of him. “He’s not a loser.” Sam mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Paulina looked over her nails.

“He’s not a loser!” Sam stomped up to Paulina, her face inches from the other girl’s. “He’s really nice and actually likes hearing about things I want to talk about! Unlike you.”

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Paulina turned her nose up into the air. “That’s because all you like is that spooky ooky goth stuff. No one wants to listen to you talk about ghosts and spiders and witches.”

“He does.”

“That’s because he’s a loser.” Paulina poked a finger into Sam’s chest. “Why don’t you just drop him and this freaky goth phase and come hang out with your real friends.”

“You are not my friend.”

Paulina froze. “What?”

“I don’t know what bug crawled it’s way up your ass Paulina, but if this is how you’re going to treat people now I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”

She watched as Sam walked away from her and helped Danny off the ground. Sam whispered a few things to him and he nodded. They began to limp their way to the nurses office. 

Paulina clenched her fists together and her throat tightened. That’s fine. She didn’t need Sam. She had plenty of other friends. What did one falling out matter? She turned around and stomped her way in the opposite direction towards the cafeteria.

She didn’t need Sam Manson. 

QQQQQ

“But Mr. Lancer!” Paulina whined, her hands resting on the top of her desk as she stood up in protest. 

“I’m sorry Ms. Sanchez, but you and Ms. Manson will be partners for this project.”

Sam raised her hand. “I’d rather do my project on my own than work with her.”

Lancer pinched the bridge of his nose. “You two are partners for this project, end of discussion.”

“But-” Both girls chorused. 

“That’s enough! Ms. Sanchez, take your seat.”

Paulina huffed and crossed her arms as she sat down. Why did Lancer have to assign her and Sam to work together? Hasn’t he figured out that they hate each other yet?

Her gaze flicked over to where Sam was sitting. She was angrily scratching something into her notebook. She paused and her eyes met Paulina’s. They stared at each other for a moment before Paulina sneered in her direction and looked away. 

Paulina sat angrily stewing in her seat until the bell rang. She grabbed her backpack and slung it over her shoulder, heading out of the classroom at a brisk pace. She was putting the combination into her locker and had just gotten it open when Sam walked up and pushed it closed. 

“What do you want, Manson?” Paulina snapped. 

Sam rolled her eyes. “We’re supposed to work on that project together, remember? When are we going to meet for it?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you just do it on your own and write my name on it.” Paulina twisted the dial on her locker again. 

“Nu uh. If we’re forced to be partners you’re gonna help with it.”

Paulina groaned and opened her locker again. “I guess we can start working on it today after school.”

“Great. I’ll meet you at your house when school is over then.”

“What?” Paulina squawked and turned towards Sam. “Why my house?”

“I don’t want my parents thinking we’re friends again.”

Paulina just stared at her but frowned when Sam pushed the locker closed again and started walking away. She clenched her fists. As if they would ever be friends again. 

The rest of the day passed by both too quick and slow at the same time. She dreaded having Sam come over and having to talk to her so much that even though the day dragged on and on, when she was at home and a knock sounded on the door it felt like she had just been standing at her locker. 

Paulina opened the front door, a bored look on her face when her eyes met Sam’s. They stood there for a moment before Paulina waved her in. Sam stepped in, looking around and Paulina closed the door behind her. 

“So what is this project we’re supposed to be doing anyways?” Paulina led the way to the kitchen where her backpack sat on the table.

Sam sighed. “You weren’t even paying attention when he went over it?”

“I was too busy being angry at Lancer.”

Rolling her eyes, Sam set her backpack on the table and pulled some papers out. “He wants us to find a screenplay to go over. We have to read it and analyze it like we would for a book in class but he wants us to perform part of it in class.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know Paulina!” Sam threw her hands up in the air. “Why do they make us do anything? Now pick one from this list.” She threw a piece of paper at Paulina. “This is a list of plays I thought we would both be interested in.”

Paulina stared at Sam, stunned that she’d even consider Paulina’s interests when they clearly hated each other. Slowly, she looked down at the paper, her eyes scanning over the list. One popped out to her.

“Isn’t this one a musical? Does that count?”

Sam peered around at the paper. “I would think so. They’re basically plays, just with songs. I can’t see why it wouldn’t count.”

“Hm.” Paulina pursed her lips. “If we do this one are we gonna perform a song or a different part of the musical?” She looked over at Sam. She had a dangerous, determined look on her face.

“Only if we want to blow everyone else out of the water.”

Paulina stared for a few seconds, her cheeks heating up. Then she coughed and looked back at the paper.

“Yeah, okay. Let’s do that one.”

QQQQQ

“Why are they all named Heather anyways?”

Sam shrugged as Paulina squinted at her copy of the script. 

They sat in the middle of the stage in the empty auditorium. The rest of their class was in the library, but Mr. Lancer had given them permission to go over their own project in the auditorium. 

“What I wanna know is why there’s always so much drama in musicals set in high schools.” Sam wrinkled her nose. “Like I know we have the A-Listers and everything but this in here is so excessive.”

“What, you don’t like drama?” Paulina rested her chin on her hand, shooting Sam a smile.

“I don’t like high schoolers killing other high schoolers.”

Paulina’s smile fell. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Sam looked down and away. She took a deep breath and stood up with her script in her hand. “Anyways. Let’s figure out which part we want to perform for the class.”

Paulina took a look at the list of songs they had. “What about Seventeen or Shine a Light? I listened to those a couple times and they both have different tones but they seem like they’d be fun to sing.”

Sam nodded. “And there’s not much about sex in either of those. That’s another thing, why do musicals about high schoolers talk so much about sex?” She faked a gag. “I think those are good choices because some of those songs would be so embarrassing to perform in front of the class.”

Paulina frowned. “If this one has stuff in it that makes you uncomfortable why’d you include it on the list?”

Sam shrugged. “I figured it’d make Lancer squirm. He didn’t actually give any specifications on what we could pick anyways. Now let’s get started. Which part do you want?”

“Oh oh! Can I have the lead part? That is, if you didn’t want it?” Paulina started standing up from where she sat on the floor.

Sam shook her head. “You can have it if you want. Want to practice Seventeen first?”

“Sure.”

The music started playing after Sam hit a button on her phone and it filled up the room.

Paulina took a deep breath. 

“Fine, we're damaged

Really damaged.

But that does not make us wise.

We're not special.

We're not different.

We don't choose who lives or dies.”

Paulina looked up at Sam as she sung the lyrics.

“Let’s be normal. See bad movies

Sneak a beer and watch TV.

We'll bake brownies, 

or go bowling --

Don't you want a life with me?

Can't we be seventeen?

That's all I want to do

If you could let me in.

I could be good with you.”

Paulina’s cheeks flushed but she continued singing.

“People hurt us.”

“Or they vanish…”

Goosebumps traveled over Paulina’s arms as Sam’s voice rang out towards her. 

“And you're right that really blows.

But we let go…”

Sam looked up and met Paulina’s eyes and it felt like Paulina was electrocuted. She pulled her eyes away and looked back down at her paper. They finished up the song and Paulina kept staring at her paper until Sam left out a breathless laugh.

“That was so cool! I’ve never really thought about doing theater or anything because it’s not very, you know, goth. But that was exhilarating!” 

Paulina watched as Sam laughed and smiled. She could feel herself falling in and laughed herself. 

QQQQQ

Paulina and Sam laughed as they walked out of the school together. Their project was due in two days and they were heading to Sam’s house to practice their song a bit more. 

“I can’t wait to see Lancer’s face when we discuss what the musical is about. Do you think he’ll-”

BOOM! 

Sam got cut off as something exploded ahead of them, sending both girls sprawling to the ground. 

Looking behind them from where she was on the ground, Paulina saw a giant animalistic ghost. It looked somewhere between a cross of a snake and a cat and it looked like it was about to shoot another blast off from it’s fangs. 

Just as the blast was launched towards Paulina, something crashed into the side of the ghost's head, sending the shot soaring into the sky instead. 

“Run! Get out of here!” Phantom shouted as he shot back at the ghost.

She stood up shakily but didn’t run away. She looked around the front of the school for Sam, where she saw the other girl in the middle of the sidewalk holding a...lipstick? With a determined look on her face. 

What was she planning to do with a tube of lipstick?

Paulina had begun inching her way over to Sam when a green blast came out of the lipstick she was holding onto. It shot into the ghost a couple of times, distracting it from Phantom’s attacks for a moment. 

It bared its teeth at Sam but Phantom punched it in the side of the head. Snarling, it batted Phantom away, sending it flying across the parking lot and it faced back towards Sam. 

Paulina felt like everything was happening in slow motion. When the ghost bared its teeth again, when another ball of ectoplasm started dripping from its fangs, when Paulina ran desperately across the parking lot and barreled Sam out of the way and onto the ground just before the blast created a crater in the ground where she stood a moment before. The ghost started snarling at them again.

“Hey ugly!” 

Phantom viciously threw another ectoblast at the ghost, stunning it before finally pulling it into his thermos. 

Paulina gasped and turned back to where Sam was still laying underneath her. 

“Sam! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m-” Sam paused, frowning and her face flushing before she spoke again, looking over Paulina’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“What?” 

Sam groaned. “That dip is making faces over there.”

Paulina turned around to see Phantom making kissy faces at them. She raised an eyebrow at him and he paused to give her a grin.

“Okay well, my job is done. Have fun you two!”

And he jumped into the air and flew away. 

“Seriously though.” Paulina crawled off of Sam and helped her up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Why’d you do that anyways?” Her brows furrowed. “I would’ve been okay. You didn’t have to do anything.”

Paulina gaped at her. “It was about to attack you! It tried! It left a crater in the ground where you were standing! Why wouldn’t I have done anything?”

Sam looked away. “I didn’t think you cared.” She said softly.

Paulina’s stomach plummeted. “I wouldn’t have two weeks ago.” She whispered. “But then we got paired up for this project, and I realized that you’re actually very cool and that I was just really dumb in middle school.”

Sam looked at her. 

“And I think I’ve always sort of missed you. But I decided to never stop being mad so I never figured that out.”

“I guess I did the same thing too.” Sam said. “I could’ve decided to talk to you on my own and talk things out after a while but I just didn’t want to.”

“But it was my fault. I was the one being a terrible person.”

“Are you going to continue being a terrible person though?”

Paulina’s mind went back to the first time Sam’s rage had been bestowed upon her, when one of Paulina’s friends beat up one of Sam’s friends. She didn’t want to be the cause of that again. 

“No.”

“Well.” Sam smiled. “That’s the important part. That you’re capable of change.” She picked up her bag from where she had dropped it during the attack. “Now come on, my mom was gonna make cookies when we got home.”

Paulina smiled back at her and held up her arm to the other girl. Sam looked at it and linked her own arm with Paulina’s. Together they walked away from the school.

QQQQQ

Sam and Paulina’s chests rose up and down as they held their arms up into the air after performing the piece they picked from their musical. The class clapped for them and they lowered their arms and bowed.

“Very nice, Ms. Sanchez and Ms. Manson. Though, I wish you had picked something more appropriate than.” He squinted at the sheet they handed him. “Heathers the musical.”

Sam snickered. “Of course, Mr. Lancer. We’ll try to keep that in mind next time.”

Lancer gave her a look. “Yes, be sure that you do. Alright up next we have-”

Sam and Paulina walked back to their desks and sat down. Paulina shot a look to where Sam was sitting with Danny and Tucker, who were both making kissy faces at her while she swatted at them. Sam’s gaze met hers and Paulina waved at her before blowing a kiss to her across the room.

Sam’s face turned the brightest shade of red Paulina had ever seen it and she opened a folder and stuck her face inside it. Danny and Tucker were both teasing her even more, seemingly losing their mind about it. Paulina giggled at them and turned her focus back to the front of the classroom.

[raindownforme]

First off, I adore your work! You’re writing is absolutely lovely!

And also I have a request.

Ted is a the popular theater kid and reader is the punk of the school who keeps to their clique. Ted grows an interest for the reader and constantly tries to flirt with them in front of their friends and in private or get a date with them. Reader brushes him off most of the time but grows to like him.

Shakespeare

Ted Nivison x reader [she/her used]

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” The tall brunette stood at the front of the English classroom, reading from the book in his hand. The teacher sat at her desk a few paces away, taking note of how he talked. y/n watched him lazily, not quite caring for Shakespeare. “Thou art more lovely and temperate.”

y/n didn’t pay attention as Ted continued the presentation. She flicked her mechanical pencil between her fingers, biding time. “Thank you, Theodore, for sonnet 18. Next is 19– y/n?”

“I chose the annotation project.”

“Thank you. Who had 20?”

Ted took the seat next to y/n. “How’d I do?”

“Not bad. I mean, I’m sure you could’ve done better theater kid.”

“I don’t know. Let me practice it for you and we’ll see.” y/n rolled her eyes, resting her flushed cheek against her hand. “What was yours about?”

“Also romance. I mean it’s half of what the guy wrote about.”

“I could teach you some of his other stuff.”

“Yes. Theodore. The theater tutor.”

“Aw. Is it my aesthetic? Is that the problem?” y/n exaimned the difference between the two of them. Ted wore the same blue jeans, sneakers, and graphic tee to school every day. Of course y/n had a few staple pieces; her leather boots and mix-matched pieces of jewelry, but she did most commonly wear dark or patterned pants and faded shirt.

“It’s a thousand percent the aesthetic.”

Ted closed his notebook, playfully muttering the himself. The school bell rang and y/n stood up, shoving belongings into a book bag as the teacher made announcements to the leaving students.

“Hey. Come see the show.”

“What show?” She pushed through the crowd as Ted followed. y/n could spot her friends group in the distance, waiting just outside the doors.

“The show! Midsummer’s Night Dream. I’m starring in it.”

“Yeah sure. Like I can afford it.” Her hand hit the door, but he stepped in front of her, preventing her from leaving the building. “Ted-“

“Please. Tonight. Seven. I’ll set a ticket aside for you.” She felt her face heat up as moved away slightly. “Might wanna say hi to your friends for me y/n.”

The boy walked away and y/n continued out the door to her and her friends’ lunch period.

———

“I mean. What’s the worst that could happen?” y/n’s friend, Alix, peeled away the paper wrapping around his sandwich. “Do you even like the guy?”

“I don’t- I don’t know.”

“So it could be yes.” Alix leaned in the back of his seat as he took a bite of his lunch. y/n and her friends were sitting in Alix’s truck in the school parking lot, all eating something they either brought from home or bought at a fast food place near the school.

“It’s always wise to indulge in the arts.” Jaz, one of y/n’s other friends spoke from the back seat.

“Dude would you shut up? You took a writing class once.” The last one of the group, Ryan, waved away what Jaz said. “If you like the guy you like him. If you don’t you don’t. Or play with him. I don’t care.”

“I’m not going to play with Ted’s feelings.” y/n searched through her French fries mindlessly. “He Is cute. I don’t know guys.”

“Just go to the show. It can’t be that bad.”

———

Lunch passed, as did the next couple classes, until y/n’s last period of the day. Thankfully, it was a TA period, so there wasn’t much to do.

“Dearie would you run these to the theatrics department for me?” The lady behind the front desk has to be at least 80 at this point, but y/n stood to take the stack of papers from her. “Thank you.”

y/n smiled and left, taking leisure in her walk. The sole of her boots slapped against the off-white linoleum, echoing through the hallways and cafeteria as she crossed the entire building. She never really realized how far the performing arts hall was until walking to it.

The door creaked as it opened to an empty black classroom. “Hello?” She stepped in, her words echoing. She could hear some small commotion deeper into the theater. She followed the noise, finding herself in what looked like a workshop. “Hi?”

“y/n!” She whipped her head to the side to see Ted walking through a large doorway. “Always a pleasure to see you. Especially here. How can I help love?”

y/n brushed off his comment the best she could. “I’m looking for the director? I’ve got some papers to deliver.”

She held out the papers, trying to show Ted, but instead he linked one of his pinkies with hers. “I’ll take you.”

She stared at their linked fingers as Ted dragged her from the workshop to the back of the audience. Ted talked to somebody, but she didn’t quite pay attention.

“And who’s this?”

Looking up, she met eyes with a man she hadn’t quite spoken to before. He wasn’t quite as tall as Ted, and he wore a blue blazer and hiking boots. “This is y/n, from the front office.”

“Ah.” He nodded at Ted. “And is this who-“

“Yes.” Ted cut him short, rubbing at the back of his own neck.

“Well thank you.” The man took the papers from her hand. “We hope to see you tonight.”

She watched him walk away before turning back to Ted. “What’s he mean?”

“Well, he’s who I had to talk to about your ticket. You are coming tonight aren’t you?”

“I can swing by.”

“Good.” Ted brought their still conjoined hands up and lightly kissed her knuckles. “I’ll be watching for you.”

———

y/n had been waiting for a while now.

When school had got out, she had hung around with her friends for a while, getting something to eat and doing some homework, but now it was 6:53 and she was stuck in line at the ticket counter. In front of her were five people. She was five people away from whatever was to come out of tonight.

“Next!” The line shuffled forwards as two people walked inside. She bounced on her feet, watching the exchange of cash between the student running the ticket booth and the patrons. “Next!”

“Hi I think I had a ticket reserved for me.” The student looked over their shoulder at something, then back to y/n.

“Who reserved it?”

“Ted Nivison?”

“Oh. Okay then this is for you.” The student handed over a rectangular ticket with a seat number stamped on the bottom. “Enjoy the show.”

y/n walked through the double doors into the audience. Most of the seats were full, and it took her a few minutes to find the seat marked for her. When she did, she set her backpack down in the front of her, noticing something underneath her seat. It was a folded piece of paper with a note from Ted.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

-Ted

She stuck the note in her pocket and traded it for her phone. 6:59 pm. She silenced it and looked back to the stage, anxiously waiting. The lights dimmed and she stared up the stage. The curtains began to open and it revealed Ted standing in Grecian style clothing with minimal armor pieces. He stood with his hand outstretched to a girl wearing similar clothing.

Ted’s eyes surveyed the audience, landing on y/n with a smirk. “Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour draws on apace…”

y/n sat in awe for the next two hours. She watched as Ted moved across the stage, putting to life the story as if he’d lived it. She watched as the characters came to life, as the set moved, and as the lights changed. And two hours later, the curtain closed and the cast came together to do bows. She clapped furiously, then watched everyone stand from their seats and leave. She stood, trying to grab her things. The theater had been nearly emptied by now, people rushing out to say hi to people they knew in the cast.

y/n looked around. To the side of the curtain, just peeking out, was someone waving. She walked over, realizing it was Ted.

“Hey there! What’d you think?”

“That was amazing, Ted.” The boy smiled, taking her hand in his. He began to pull her backstage with him. “Wait Ted-“

“It’s fine don’t worry. Here.” Ted pulled her to stand near the classroom area. “Give me two minutes.”

She watched Ted enter the dressing room. For a moment, it was quiet, until everyone else started to file in. The room quickly became loud, filling with student’s voices.

“Hey.” Ted tapped y/n on the shoulder. “I know it’s a lot. Come with me.” Ted draped an arm over her shoulders as he pulled her outside into the crisp night air. “Better?”

“Yeah. Better. Ted that was- that was awesome.”

“I’m glad I can impress you.” Ted checked his phone. “It’s nine already. You have plans?”

“No I-“

“Come get dinner with me. My treat.”

“Ted. It sounds like you’re asking me on a date.” She lightly nudged him with her elbow.

“It’s only a date if you say yes.”

y/n paused, taken aback by the sudden forwardness. “If I say yes?”

“You don’t have to! Don’t think you have to!” Ted gestured with his hands in a panicked motion. “I just- I think you’re really cool and pretty with your style and I’ve always liked you for as long as I can remember and I was just wondering-“

“Yes.”

He paused, eyes wide as a blush crept onto his face. “Yes? Yes as in yes a date? Our date?”

y/n stood on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Take me on a date theater boy.”

Ted wrapped her in a hug, pressing a kiss to her nose. “Anywhere you want.”

——————

Hi! I hope this is what you were looking for!

[avasghost]

When We Drown Update #2

[image description: a pale blue photo of a rocky cliff, and a boy at the edge in the distance, standing on a pile of rocks and looking down. in white serif font in the centre, reads “when we drown: update two” / end id]

wip intro here. first writing update here. 

DISCLAIMER: this is my original work, please do not plagiarize in any way.

hi everyone! it’s been a while since i did a writing update (time is fast) and i’ve written quite a lot! up until about a week ago i was in a really, really bad writing slump (which lasted like,,, four months) and so that’s why there hasn’t been a crane anatomy update for a ages because (: i haven’t been writing it (:

i don’t know if i mentioned this in the first update, but this book is now non-linear which has been an ~adventure! the non-linear plotline is kind of freeing because i can just pick a scene i want to write from any time in april’s life and just ... write it? i don’t have to follow the years chronologically. i try to create some kind of causal thread between the scenes but i don’t know how well that’s working out lmao. since WWD follows an entire life story with the protagonist looking back on it and remembering her life, i try to make her memory of one event trigger the memory of the next event, and usually they’re linked by either emotion or information.

current word count: 13,228

so when we drown is officially longer than crane anatomy now, despite being the side project! fun.

anyway lets get into the chapters because i have nothing else to say. tw for death, and other trigger warnings are before the individual chapters!

excerpts under the cut.

chapter 5: faces

[image description: a birds eye view of a forest of snowy pine trees. above the trees in black serif font reads “chapter 5: faces” / end id]

this is a very short chapter (a page and a half) which is a flash forward to when april and elena live together in a cabin in the woods sometime in their late forties. elena is asleep in an armchair and april stokes the fireplace, and then goes outside and sees elias’s ghost and then it dissapears (tbh,,, i think a lot of the chapters will be like this oops) this is the second ghost sighting in the book, but at the point when april is 48 it’s almost a regular occurrence! i might end up moving it to later in the book eventually, since i might want the ghost sightings to be in linear order if nothing else is, to keep the main thread of the book in order.

I closed the door of the woodstove, and glanced over my shoulder to see if Elena had been woken by the clanging of metal. She stirred slightly, a familiar face in her nightmare, an unfamiliar face in a familiar dream. Two fingers clenched against the armrest, then became limp again. Half of me wanted her to wake up, to see me, to speak to me, to see the fire bouncing in the grate and be happy for warmth. But again, she needed rest. She needed to be alone for a while, even if that was just in her head. She’d seen her fair share of fire.

also its snowing in november and its british columbia and i know this is unrealistic but! aesthetics are more important than logic we all know that.

[image description: blurry pine trees and a light snow falling in front of them, with a ridge of snow along the bottom. white serif text in the centre reads “The snow-tipped pines that cupped the cabin sagged under the weight of unexpected snowfall. Their fallen needles jotted the snow. The sky was white, spotless, like an expanse of faraway ocean or the inside of a crystal ball.” / end id]

The snow-tipped pines that cupped the cabin sagged under the weight of unexpected snowfall. Their fallen needles jotted the snow. The sky was white, spotless, like an expanse of faraway ocean or the inside of a crystal ball. No birds flitted between the branches, no foxes slunk between the pines. All was still. All was white. I was alone.

and the ghost is seen then disappears as usual and april goes inside again.

You were gone by the time I reached the door again, by the time I stepped inside and Elena stirred in her armchair, by the time I had stepped out of my shoes and gone to stoke the fire again, which was already starting to dwindle.

i like having elias referred to as “you” because its like april is telling the story to him, but he’s not there, so she’s talking to herself, which is very in character for her to do.

chapter 6: the party

[image description: a slope of pine trees with a grassy field at the bottom. mist shrouds the trees in the distance. a dirt path leads through the grass towards a cabin. in the top right corner, reads “chapter 6: the party” / end id]

chapter 6 follows the day before elena’s fifteenth birthday, and then her party the next day. this is a traumatic time for april because she decides she should mention her first elias sighting at the party. obviously people think she’s crazy and so you can guess how that turns out (aka april goes home and cries because she’s a soft bean)

elena has a cool tree in her backyard apparently!! this seems to be a running theme.

Dribbles of leftover sunlight sifted through the branches of the elm tree that ribbed the sky, its roots furrowing the lawn like varicose veins.

i will admit i didn’t finish this chapter and haven’t written most of the party scene yet so i will probably update on the rest of it in my next update (if i’ve written it by then which i probably won’t have but! we’ll see.)

chapter 7: sacred ground

[image description: the ocean stretching into the distance, with small waves. a blurry girl with long brown hair stands in front of it, facing the water. in the middle in white serif font reads “chapter 7: sacred ground” / end id]

the aftermath of the first elias sighting, when april goes and tries to talk to elena about it. i actually don’t know if this or the party comes first and the non-linearness might be catching up to me oops but we’ll just pretend everything makes sense okay <3 

first she tries to decide who to talk to about it and her options are quite limited. she picks elena because she’ll probably take her seriously, and then goes to her house in a state of shock.

I considered my options. Elena: the calm one, either pretending to be wise or really wise. Magnolia: probably less stupid than she made herself out to be. My mother: still crying over a tragedy of five years ago and a tragedy of fifteen years ago and the tragedy of a lifetime wasted in crowded cult meetings and stark bedrooms, tears always falling, thoughts either always whirlwinding or too dead to pay attention to. I found myself winding up the jittery pathway to Elena’s house, or maybe it was me that was jittery. Maybe it was me, who made the world blurry like this. Maybe it was me who was seeing things, not those things drifting into my line of vision and then falling out of sight. The pearly birches jagged the edges of the valley, their leaves chartreuse in the wind-rustled sunlight.

and then elena rejects her plight and april returns to where she saw elias. turns out elena isn’t as accepting of april’s hallucinations as she was supposed to be! here’s a bit of dialogue i generated from that incorrect quote generator that seems fitting for this moment!

April: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.

Elena: April, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

this IS april and this IS elena how does this generator know what my book is about!! anyway back to excerpts:

I ran back to where I had seen you, all slow wonderment vanished, and found the place where my old footsteps in the sand looped around. I knew you wouldn’t be there, I wasn’t surprised that you didn’t appear again, your face bobbing in a rice paper mist. I wasn’t surprised that Elena didn’t chase me out, eyes drained of tears, to apologize. And I wasn’t surprised that from that point forward, I thought of that place as sacred.

chapter 8: always falling

[image description: a blurred black-and-white close-up image of water falling. white serif font in the center reads “always falling: chapter 8″ / end id]

tw: death, drowning, blood, fantasizing about drowning

eight-year-old april and magnolia visit a waterfall with magnolia’s parents. feat. april’s dog, august!

The waterfall coiled down the cliff face, cracking the surface of the river like a thousand strands of thunder. I could hardly hear Magnolia’s parents shouting something up ahead, their voices lost in the blare of water.

shortly after:

When I heard suspension bridge, I pictured one from old fairytales I read: wooden, burlap ropes for railings. A thirty percent chance of falling in. I was reassured by the stability, but August shivered at the way it jilted underfoot. He had never walked on ground that shifted under his feet, maybe it was an earthquake, maybe the ground was breaking in.

and here’s sweet eight-year-old April fantasizing about what it would be like to drown. If you think that’s foreshadowing no it isn’t 👁👁

[image description: a slightly grainy photo, half water and half sky, both tinted turquoise. a hand lifts out of the water toward the sky. above the hand in white serif font, reads “What it would feel like to drown, water snagging in my lungs, sharp stones shattering my ribcage until the entire river turned to blood. Being sucked by the current until someone finally found my body, far from where I lost it.” / end id]

I stared over the edge, tried to pierce the thick buzz of mist that separated me from what would be the teeth of my fall. I imagined the bridge giving way, like it always did in the stories I read. One end breaking, the ropes snapping, the entire bridge swinging into the bottomless river. What it would feel like to drown, water snagging in my lungs, sharp stones shattering my ribcage until the entire river turned to blood. Being sucked by the current until someone finally found my body, far from where I lost it. Maybe it would be an old fisherman, hauling a girl in with the day’s catch, or his frail wife, who would faint on the spot at the sight of a dead child, bloodied and mangled and already tearing apart.

they cross the suspension bridge, and august unfortunately falls in! this is just a bit of april’s childhood trauma and i wish i didn’t have to cause her this pain but i do i’m sorry 😭

chapter 9: dead letters

[image description: a close up sheet of paper with a few lines of cursive writing across it. a fountain pen lies across the page. in the bottom right hand corner, a black serif font reads “chapter 9: dead letters” / end id]

a very young april and elias get caught in a hailstorm then go inside and find letters from their father, who they never met because he still lives in the cult their mother escaped from the day april was born. their mother tries to hide the letters from them but! these children do not relent. 

We tracked through the colourful forest in autumn, our rubber boots tore trails through the scattered maple leaves. Pronged pinecones crackled under my heels as I chased you, threading between the trees.

I was eight, you were faster but I managed to keep up all the same. A haze of rain sizzled on my skin, but rain didn’t phase me back then. I didn’t mind the water droplets that pearled down my neck into the hem of my bright yellow rain jacket.

they escape from the hailstorm and find their mother in the kitchen making tea (rare!) 

When we tripped over the doorframe and found ourselves panting in the kitchen, the kettle wheezed and mother emerged from her bedroom to take it off. The scent of green tea wafted through the air as she poured it, steaming, into a ceramic teacup with a crack veining down the side.

april tries to take one of the letters but her mother stops her. later during the night, she and elias get out of bed and read the letters and it turns out their father left the cult as well, and wants to meet up with them. april wants to meet him, but elias is bitter about it and doesn’t really even consider him their father because he was never there for them. 

chapter 10: frostbite

[image description: two pale hands reach towards the sky, in front of a blurry indigo background. in the top left corner, white serif font reads “chapter 10: frostbite” / end id]

tw: freezing to death

there are those weird times when their mom tells stories about her life. these incidents never end well but happen occasionally! she tells april about a time when her and a few other cult members were in the mountains and one of them froze to death. at this point april is around fifteen (which is where the main plot of the book is at right now)

She cut off there, blanched, stared out the window at the sun-speckled backyard, but I could fill in the rest of the details myself: skin a cold stone blue, frostbite jittering through the lungs and spine like a poison, eating everything slowly. Lying in the snow, letting the cold overcome them. Dead before morning. I wanted to ask if they buried the body, dug a grave of snow that would be melted by spring, or just left the corpse lying in the snow for someone else to find, or be eaten by a wolf pack, or to deteriorate, and haunt those lonely slopes forever.

afterwards, april goes outside (yes its snowing again 😭 as someone who dislikes snow i sure write about it a lot) 

On those days, my desperation to leave the house rose to a high and I would slide into a pair of ragged sneakers and a cable-knit sweater and push out into the cold. Once vibrant green leaves now greyed with frost, a snowfall months early but not unwelcome. Striking before the trees had the chance to shed their leaves. Frost brittled the branches of the oaks so I could snap them without an effort, not that I wanted to snap them. The concrete of the road was spined with ice that made it look like the ground was caving in, icicles barbed the eaves of our house like jagged teeth. Sometimes I thumbed snow into my mouth like a child, hoping no one was watching a seventeen-year-old eat snow, and let it blot my tongue and dribble down my throat. The cold shock to my system helped clear my mind of whatever mother had been talking about, helped me cope with the pain I shouldn’t have been feeling in the first place.

aaannd that’s everything i’ve written so far! this has been the worst writing slump of my life and i’m not too happy with most of the stuff i’ve written lately, but hopefully that clears up so i can update y’all again soon!

- ava

wips taglist (ask to be added or removed!) @shaelinwrites​ @august-iswriting​ @wildswrites @nodeadnarrators @annlillyjose @shaonharryandpannisim @letsgetsquiggly @strangerays @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @dallonswords @teaandtypewriters @chewingthescenery​ @kahaaniyaa @coffeeandcalligraphy @47crayons​ @writing-is-a-martial-art​​

[sevlgi]

don’t want to see you

requested: yes

group: blackpink

pairing: jennie x fem!reader

genre: angst, questionable fluff

contents: fashion designer!au, rough breakup

warnings: none

synopsis: After your terrible breakup 4 years ago, you’re the last person Jennie wants to see at her dream job.

a/n: I accidentally did 4 years instead of two but eh... I’m glad you enjoy my writing!

word count: 2.4k

“This is it, huh?”

Jennie laughs as Jisoo wipes a fake tear away, pouting as she opened her arms for a hug. “Stop pretending to be sad, unnie, you know you’re glad to be rid of me.”

“Never!” the older girl protests, arms wrapping around Jennie. Under the cold winter sky, Jisoo is a source of familiarity and warmth that’s all too hard to let go of. “But I am glad you got this position. It’s been your dream for such a long time, and you gave up your first opportunity for… her.”

As soon as the mention of you slipped out of her mouth, Jisoo winces; she knows that over 4 years after your breakup, Jennie’s still not over you, not in the slightest. The younger girl forces a smile, hitching her designer bag up her shoulder a bit as she detaches herself from her friend. “Yeah. Thanks for sending me off, I’m off to be a successful adult now.”

“Rude!” Jisoo calls out, hands on her hips but a smile beaming across her face. She hopes that Jennie isn’t too affected by her words, and that nothing spoils the day her friend has been looking forward to for years. “I’ll have you know I’m a perfectly successful actress!” She continues waving until she’s just a tiny dot, her younger friend passing through the building’s gate.

Even the air smells fancy, Jennie notes as she steps through the revolving doors. She’s glad she wore an expensive outfit, no matter how cold the skirt is-- name brands are practically glued onto every person in the building. Filtered sunlight shines off of silk scarves and glimmers over fine dresses, heels clicking on the glossy marble floors. Various colognes and perfumes mix in the air, and Jennie inhales with a grin. This is her new life, the one that she’s wanted and worked for ever since she was a child.

The elevator ride up is lonely, of course, but she recognizes the frosted glass door she passes through to reach the office of the man who interviewed her for the position in the first place. “Ms. Kim,” Taehyung greets her, his voice deep and gentle. “Good to see you.”

“You too, Mr. Kim,” Jennie bows politely. Despite the fact that she’s only a year younger than him, he’s interestingly intimidating. “Ah, I thought you said my partner would greet me today?”

Taehyung nods, hands fidgeting with the Gucci blazer he wears. “Yes, we decided your new partner yesterday. Y/N’s just a bit busy, though, so she sent me to greet you first. Come with me to the elevator, your studio’s on another floor.”

Y/N. Jennie’s blood runs cold at your name even as she scurries to keep up with the man’s long legs, memories of screaming and slamming doors suddenly fading into her mind. She does her best to shake it off, though; it’s not like you’re the only person ever with that name. The world doesn’t revolve around her, never mind her shitty relationship from years before. “Oh. I see.”

Professional chatter about work fills the elevator ride; Taehyung’s already a senior at the company and a prodigy with fashion. Honestly, he could be a model as well as a designer, Jennie thinks as he smiles politely, opening her new office door for her. “Please.”

To no surprise, the studio is gorgeous, with floor-to-ceiling windows and sparkling modern furniture. Gorgeous swaths of fabric are displayed on benches all over the room, golden mannequins draped with clothing. Jennie doesn’t stop an exhilarated gasp from escaping her lips as she reaches to touch one of the designs splayed out on the table, and she also doesn’t stop the horrified one when she recognizes the signature on the paper.

Just in time, Taehyung’s deep voice sounds behind her. “Y/N, glad you could make it.”

Jennie turns quickly to face the doorway, and her heart leaps up into her throat as a far too familiar face greets her.

You look a hundred times better than the last time Jennie saw you, she has to admit that. The fancy outfit, probably something you made yourself by the looks of it, suits you perfectly, and your makeup is probably professionally done.

At the sight of her, your jaw drops, though you recover quick enough that your shared supervising officer doesn’t have a reason to suspect anything out of the ordinary. “Hi. Y/N Y/L/N,” you introduce yourself as you stick a hand out to shake. “You must be Jennie Kim.”

“That’s me,” she breathes, still a bit horrorstruck at the sight of you. It’s so difficult to pretend not to know you when Jennie still remembers every inch of you; she almost shudders when she remembers the way your skin felt under her fingertips. “You’re my new partner?”

“Yep,” you nod, biting down on your lip. Jennie remembers that habit of yours; it got annoying sometimes, when you tasted of blood. “I am.”

Taehyung smiles, “Y/N, I expect you to take care of Ms. Kim. I think the two of you will get on well. For now, I’ll leave the two of you to become acquainted, and Jennie, take all the time you need to become comfortable. Please, ask me if you need anything.”

As soon as the elevator door closes again, Jennie relaxes and you go rigid. Her eyes widen as she hisses, “What’re you doing here? Since when are you a fashion designer, Y/N?”

“Oh, good to see you too,” you scoff, turning away and plopping into your desk chair. To her annoyance, you’ve already occupied the side of the room with the better lighting. “I see you’re just as rude as when we broke up, Jennie Kim. No tact or professionalism at all; how did you even get hired?”

“For my talent,” Jennie scowls, crossing her arms defensively. “And you really expect a hello after that disaster? Remember when you got me evicted from my apartment, and we fought for days in a row?”

You sigh and pinch the area between your eyebrows. “I told you time and time again, that wasn’t my fault. It’s just like you to blame me for your own failures, no wonder I got your dream position years before you did.”

An incredulous gasp escapes Jennie’s lips as she tosses her bag down on her desk. From the start, it was an insecurity of hers that you were more accomplished, more successful than her, and she still never expected you to throw it back in her face. “Real mature, Y/N. Did you really usurp my position just to spite me? How childish.”

“I didn’t usurp anything, Jennie.” Standing suddenly, you’re eye-to-eye with Jennie, and she can smell the familiar perfume you’ve always worn. Your eyes are narrowed in anger, nose scrunching in anger. “I have my own dreams too, aside of you, but you’ve never seen that. You’ve always seen me as an object, without my own capability of thought.”

“That-- that’s not true.” She curses herself for stuttering, drawing her chin up. You’re barely inches away from her face, nails digging into your biceps with your arms crossed. “You know what, Y/N? I hoped you changed in these past 4 years, and I hoped that we could stay civil, but you obviously have remained just as much of an asshole as you always were.”

Rounding her desk and sitting down in her chair with a huff, Jennie pulls her computer closer to her. It’s just her luck to see the person she never wanted to see again on her so-called perfect day.

Weeks pass without you and Jennie holding a real, full conversation; to be honest, she knows that any single word out of your mouth would sound rude and conniving, even if you didn’t mean it that way. You fight over the stupidest things- did Jennie take your stapler? Did you take hers? What about that nice sweater you left in the office overnight?

Suffice to say, it’s nothing less than miserable.

Jennie finds solace in Joohyun, who was the one to recommend her for the job. The older woman knows plenty about the disastrous breakup years ago, and is a perfect source of good advice.

“Are you sure you’re not still harboring feelings for her?”

Okay, maybe not-so-good advice.

Spluttering, Jennie coughs on the sandwich she was eating for lunch, Joohyun’s gentle taps on her shoulder not really helping. A few other coworkers stare as they pass by in the cafeteria. “What?”

The other woman shrugs, delicately sipping at a cup of coffee. “You’re obviously not over her, and she you, if you’re still fighting over stupid things. If you didn’t like her anymore and simply hated her, you’d just ignore her existence.”

Jennie scowls, patting at her lips. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. We were miserable in our relationship, Joohyun unnie, and she broke my heart.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t still love her.” The brunette sounds sage, as wise as the demure blue silk blazer she wears. “You need to have a good talk with her, without shouting or arguing. Get your feelings out in the open, no matter what they may be.”

The younger girl pouts, chewing contemplatively. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever agree to a talk with her, as hostile as you are. Maybe Jennie’ll just have to survive like this, arguing with her partner.

She can survive anything for her dream job.

Jennie stares in shock at the huge pieces of fabric missing from every single one of the 5 dresses she was working on, skirts and bodices alike ripped to shreds. “What. In the hell?”

She slams her coffee down on one of the desks, not caring of the brown liquid splatters all over the papers that just happen to be yours. Her eyes sweep the room, narrowing in rage when she finds all of your projects completely untouched.

“Holy shit,” she hears behind her, and swirls to find you standing in the doorway, mouth agape in shock. “Um, that’s an… innovative design?”

Lunging forward, Jennie’s hands connect with your chest, pushing you into the wall. “Did you do it?” she shouts, barely noticing that you flinch when she raises her voice. “I thought you were better than this!”

“I…” You’re lost for words, seeing the sheer anger in your ex-girlfriend’s eyes. “I didn’t! I swear! You have to believe me, Jennie, I wouldn’t stoop so low.”

Her forearm slams into your chest again; you wince, not at the pain, but just at how evil of a person you must be in her eyes. “I don’t.” Her voice is flat and cold as she seethes, “I get it if you hate me, but don’t sabotage me like this. You know better than anyone how important this job is to me.”

She lets go, stumbling back a bit as she stares at her hands. Your sound raw when you ask, “Is that what kind of a person you think I am? Jennie, I may have hurt you, but I’m not evil.”

The other girl bites her lip; some part of her wants to apologize, and another part of her- damn. Maybe Joohyun was right after all. “I don’t care. Stay away from me, Y/N. It doesn’t matter if we’re partners, I don’t want to see your face.”

“Ms. Kim?”

Taehyung knocks on the open door of the studio, stepping inside. His eyes widen at the sight of the fabric shreds that Jennie sweeps into a dustpan. “Ah.”

“Please, call me Jennie.” The girl bows and attempts at a professional smile, though she’s sure that anger still twitches in her eyebrow. “What can I do for you, Mr. Kim?”

“Taehyung, then,” he says kindly. “Someone reported that your designs were destroyed? I came to take a look and evaluate what should be done. This is much more serious than I thought it would be.”

Jennie frowns; she doesn’t believe that it wasn’t you, but she also isn’t the kind of person to be so petty as to ruin your career. “Yes. I’m not sure who did it, and I’d like to know who.”

Holding a shred of fabric between his forefinger and thumb, Taehyung raises an eyebrow. “You don’t have any suspicions at all? Not… your partner, perhaps?”

“Why would you say that?” Jennie lowers her dustpan, schooling herself to look expressionless as she says, “Y/N is just my partner. I have no history with her whatsoever.”

Sighing, the tall man turns with his hands in her pockets. “Jennie, Y/N came clean as soon as Joohyun suggested you for the position. She told me that you two have… a past, and that she feels terrible about it. She requested you to become her new partner, actually.”

Silence falls between the two designers, Jennie stepping back as if to shield herself from information she doesn’t want to know. “What? You must be mistaken. If Y/N told you that she’s my ex, you must know that she hates me.”

Taehyung walks a bit closer, a soft smile on his face when. “Look, Jennie, I know her. She regrets hurting you, I promise, and she’d never want to sabotage you like this. You need to talk with her.”

His shoulder just barely brushes up against Jennie’s as he walks out, pausing at the door to reassure her, “We are reviewing security footage, though, and I promise we’ll have an answer for you soon.”

Once he’s gone, Jennie’s left alone, staring at the shredded remnants of her projects on her desk.

Can it really be that you don’t hate her?

Jennie stares at the bowing employee, Taehyung smiling cheerfully at his desk. You avoid her eyes, counting ceiling tiles where you sit. “This is him, Jennie. He sabotage you. Would you like to tell why?”

The employee looks almost scared as Jennie crosses her arms, eyes flicking to yours and Taehyung’s. “I… was jealous. I wanted to be Y/N’s new partner. I should’ve been the first choice, not someone random that a senior recommended!”

Even as he explains himself, Jennie can only find herself staring at you; when your eyes meet, Jennie’s struck by just how much she’s missed you in the past 4 years. A soft smile from you elicits a feeling she hasn’t known since you left her, a feeling other than heartbreak or anger.

Taehyung fires the employee on the spot, and Jennie feels like she’s in a daze the entire time. After being kicked out of the office so that Taehyung can work, she avoids meeting your eyes in the hallway. “So…”

“I hope you don’t still believe that it was me,” you interrupt, stepping a bit closer to Jennie. “I know I hurt you, Joohyun told me how heartbroken you were. I’ve changed since then, Jen.”

The nickname’s nostalgic, and Jennie is startled when she feels a tear pricking at her eye. “I… I know. I’m sorry for thinking it was you in the first place, I should’ve known.”

Your hand brushes under her chin, tilting Jennie’s face up so that she can meet your eyes. Your expression is soft, no longer guarded, and emotion pulls at the corner of your lips. “I don’t blame you. Breaking up with you was the worst decision of my life, Jen. If you’d let me, I’d like to make it right.”

“What, you want to be together again? It doesn’t work like that, Y/N.” The other girl wipes furiously at her eyes with her hand, not caring if her makeup smears. “You might regret it, but you really did hurt me.”

“Yeah. I did. And I’m not asking to be together again.” You inhale, the corners of your own eyes a little bit wet. “I’m asking for you to forgive me, with time. Give me a second chance, just let me become your friend again. That’s all I want.”

A second chance. Do you even deserve a second chance? Jennie wonders. After everything you did to her, do you deserve to be let in her heart again?

But as you search her eyes for an answer, suddenly so much older and wiser than she remembered you, Jennie knows.

Her hand reaches for yours, soft fingers curling around yours as she smiles, “I’ll try.”

[thegothicviking]

As re-entering a link from herzeleid.com never seem to work (??) I usually copy and paste the actual text. Remember a transcription of Flake chatting with fans that I posted from early 00'? Before this Paul had a similar if not the same chat. I have already too long post in tumblr now so it will be broken down in 2 parts!

PAUL CHAT WITH FANS part I

Transcribed by Jeremy Williams

Taken from Rammstein.com chat

October 26 , 2005

_____________________________

Mod: Hello to you all. Thanks for coming out. Paul will be here in just a few minutes. And then we're going to get started.

Paul: Let's go!

niti: +++

Mod: Sorry, there was a technical problem. But the chat will start soon.

niti: +++

**atomrt: how do you chose the sounds for each song because all of them fit perfectly?**

Paul: Thanks a lot! Sometimes that works out well, sometimes not so well.+++

**maria: Your album covers have always sparked a lot of controversy. Which cover is your favourite and why?**

Paul: The cover for Sehnsucht was the most dramatic in my opinion.+++

**Benzramm: What was coming out of the fake penis during the live act "Bück Dich"? **

Paul: That was water with Ouzo to make it milky.+++

**Beurgueur: Good evening, Have you ever thought to write a metal-opera based on rammstein’ story?**

Paul: Hopefully not. We have enough theater elements already.+++

**MafiUndomiel: I was at River Plate Stadium in Argentina, 1999, when you toured with KISS. You did almost surpassed KISS music and show with your impact, and many people was really impressed. I still remember the silence during Du Hast, as Till was singing the refrain. What do you remember of Argentina, of this show? **

Paul: Yeah, that was unbelievable. It's a shame that we can't play in South America this time. Flake was seriously ill.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Did Till write Te Quiero Puta on his own, or had some kind of external help? I know it's not very complicated, nor elaborated in the lyrics, but it's not easy to put two or three sentences together if you don't know the language... believe me! I'm still trying with German!**

Paul: He had some help from his girlfriend and from Flake's friend from Chile.

Paul: But Till can already speak Spanish so well that he only had a few questions about grammar.+++

**monkeyman: What type of gear do you use when recording in the studio?**

Paul: This would take two hours to list. Too much for now. Sorry.+++

**Hugo: Why did you choose almost the same cover for the japanese version of Reise, Reise and Rosenrot? **

Paul: Because we thought it would be a shame to use the cover only for the Japanese edition.+++

**MafiUndomiel: There are many bands that edited DVD and VHS with the footage they got when they recorded their albums, the creative process and all that stuff. Since many R+ fans are really interested in knowing "Rammstein's kitchen", have you considered releasing something of that kind?

** Paul: I filmed some of the footage during Reise, Reise and it will come out sometime on a DVD as bonus material.+++

**blastedop: What happened to Live DVD? It was delayed? **

Paul: Yeah a little bit, but we're going to try to do it this year.+++

**MafiUndomiel: I wanted to know how did you put your setlists together when you go to a country you've never been... you mix old and new material, or you prefer to show your new material above all, and play only the "classics"? **

Paul: We play a mix of both old and new.+++

**Jenna: As you are possibly the most successful band from Germany (singing in German) that you are expected to represent German music and culture to the rest of the world? **

Paul: It was never our plan to play all over the world.

Paul: Sometimes we wonder ourselves how this all happened.+++

**beurgueur: what american film director would you enjoy to make a ckip with **

Paul: Tarantino.+++

**Benzramm: Did you ever get hurt when you were working with fire on the live acts ? **

Paul: Sometimes.+++

**aeon: One Rammstein member said you had a movie project with Werner Herzog. Do you think this project will be carried out and would you like to act in something different from Rammstein videos ? **

Paul: It's been awhile with WErner herzog. Maybe it will work out, there's still a plan to do it.

Paul: +++

**Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul: What is your favorite live performance effect? (like the flamethrowes in Feuer frei or the bow in DRSG) **

Paul: The nose flame throwers that we use in Feuer frei!+++

**MafiUndomiel: Which was your first guitar? Do you still own it? **

Paul: It was a Telecaster copy. A cheap one. I gave away my first guitars at an auction for a good cause. No idea whether it worked out.+++

**Straya: This has been in my mind for a while now, and I must ask. From the sample songs on the official site, it seems Rosenrot might be your 'hardest/loudest' albums, the songs seem 'hard', in a way, like Ich Will, Feuer Frei, and Mein Teil; what do you think of this? **

Paul: I don't think so. There are fewer sequences so the guitars come out better.+++

**Synthema: Do you still feel that being in Rammstein is almost like being in a six-way marriage? Does the band still function as a tight a unit or have things drifted apart? **

Paul: Yeah.

Paul: We're still together. Knock on wood. We've been together for 10 years and now that we've gone through our crisis, we feel better than ever.

Paul: We've got money, success, beautiful women and all the rest.

Paul: Things can only get worse.+++

**Jenna: Do you think your videos help to stop you taking yourselves too seriously? **

Paul: We've always taken ourselves less seriously than many people think. our best friends know this.

Paul: At the moment, we don't feel like making any humouress videos.+++

**whiskeypapa: When writing a song, how many/what kinds of revisions does the song go through before finally making it onto an album? **

Paul: Some songs make it out directly as we conceived them. With other songs, we make 20 versions and they still don't make it.

Paul: +++

**Noora: HI! I'm a fashion and design student from Finland and I was wondering about your stage costumes...How much do you participate in the designing and making of the outfits that you use on your tours? I understand that every album has its own look. Do you first design the outline of the look as a band and hen consult a designer and maker? Thanx and welcome back to Finland! :)**

Paul: Most ideas come directly from the band. For the last outfit, we had the idea to combine Bavarian folkloric outfits with industrial.

Paul: Because Bavarian folklore is not very cool and we like to mix things that you're not supposed to.+++

**Beurgueur: Have you ever thought in what your life would be now if rammstein never was created?**

Paul: No. We don't think that way.+++

**minx: It’s been stated in several interviews that the band has two pyromaniacs in the group, but is there anyone who is not so fond of fire?**

Paul: Everybody in the band has a different specialty.

Paul: Each of us is really equally important.

Paul: It doesn'T matter what each does, it could be better when two are on vacation during preparation and actually help us to make a good video this way.+++

**Badeend: Who thinks of the titles of the cd's? Is it some kind of democraty or is it 1 man that decides?**

Paul: We make the decision as a group but it's not really a democracy. More like a board of directors.+++

**Biz: How have older industrial bands (such as Laibach or KMFDM) influenced you?**

Paul: A lot.

Paul: Also Ministry.+++

**minx: What is the oily black/brown liquid that you are all covered with on stage? Is it a fire retardant liquid?**

Paul: No.

Paul: That's a secret.+++

**minx: Why did you wear a paper bag over your head at the concert in Tallin, last November?**

Paul: I wanted to display an Iraqi prisoner.

Paul: There's a photo of a guy behind barbed wire and he's holding his son but he has a bag on his head.

Paul: That photo really had an impact on me.+++

**aeon: Why do you only do signing sessions in London and Paris? Why not in other big cities f Europe or even Germany? Or is anything planned? **

Paul: Actually we've only planned for Paris. London snuck in at the last minute.

Paul: I don't know any more signing sessions details right now.+++

**Badeend: Did you take gitar lessons or did you teach it on your self?**

Paul: Self-taught.

Paul: +++

**minx: I am going to be at the signing in London on Sunday. Do you enjoy doing those types of promotional events or are they just ‘hard work’?**

Paul: Sometimes it's a lot of fun but other times it can be exhausting.+++

**Synthema: It could be said that the "Rosenrot" photos are quite a departure image-wise from what one would expect from the band. Was this something that was decided by the band for a particular reason, or is this the sort of decision that is out of your hands? Does your management or record label have much control over how you present yourselves, or is that left to you?**

Paul: We don't like to repeat ourselves.

Paul: Usually the band always has the last word on these amtters. But weR'e not always interested in all of the details.+++

**Badeend: What is the new instrument you used in the song Te Quiero Puta?**

Paul: Trumpet.+++

**beurgueur: do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...)**

Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won'T have to worry about that.+++

**minx: Do you do you all do own make-up for the shows?**

Paul: Yes.+++

**OK-River: Will Rammstein play again "Bück Dich" in a concert, or it is something of the past?**

Paul: I wouldn't say no.+++

**blastedop: Rosenrot is so diferent from Reise Reise. How is this possible if these songs are from Reise Reise recording season?**

Paul: I don'T think so. Listen to the whole album.+++

**Benzramm: Are you a sort of scared when flake is going with his boat in the public ? **

Paul: No.

Paul: But it was always Oli last year.+++

**whiskeypapa: Which of your songs invokes the most emotion from you?**

Paul: Seemann.+++

**MsBehaviour: Greetings from Finland and good evening! My question is, you have been playing together as a band for quite a many years now, and there is a big difference in the sound of Herzeleid and the sound of Reise Reise. Does this "evolution" come naturally to you, or do you make conscious decisions as to where to direct your sound? How do you feel about the change?**

Paul: There are some of us who want to stay the same.

Paul: There's some of us who want to always change.

Paul: These parties fight each other and the result is a new album or a black eye.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Have you heard a cover version of Keine Lust made by a Russian guy called Miguel? What did you think about it?**

Paul: Not yet, unfortunately.+++

**Badeend: Do you have a private jet or do you have to rent a plane?**

Paul: When the record company pays, we fly Business. When we have to pay, it'S Tourist class. Sometimes, when the connections are difficult, we rent a litlle jet.+++

**luna: First "Snow White" now "Rose Red". Do the members of Rammstein have a fondness for fairytales?**

Paul: Who doesn't?+++

**Synthema: Do you still enjoy performing live after all these years, or is it more of a chore now?**

Paul: If we didn't like it, we wouldn't have been around so long.+++

**Benzramm: Is there a double meaning in the songtexts of your songs ? **

Paul: Yeah. But the subtleties and double-meanings get lsot in translation.+++

**Badeend: What is your favorite song or cd?**

Paul: Kill Bill 1.+++

**DRS2G: Is "Hilf Mir" inspired by a Heinrich Hoffmann's tale?!**

Paul: Yes.+++

**Synthema: Have you ever felt that the success of Rammstein has been a negative thing for you in your personal life? That it makes it difficult to decide who to trust and who not to?**

Paul: It is difficult to stay normal despite money and success.

Paul: We fight this on a daily battle but we usually win.+++

**Beurgueur: from a viewer: what guitar do you use for your c tuning, and what guitar does richard use for this?**

Paul: I play a Gibson Les Paul and Richard plays ESP guitars.+++

**Benzramm: Did you really go to the mountains for the videoclip "Ohne Dich"?**

Paul: Yes. The was the funnest video of them all.

Paul: The thin air up there was difficult.

Paul: I'm impressed by mountain climbers who go even higher.

Paul: It was difficult for our crew and us.+++

**MafiUndomiel: how did you and richard decided who was going to be lead and who rythm guitars?**

Paul: Good question.

Paul: We're both stubborn.

Paul: It's a fight every time but we're still doing alright up to now.

Paul: Actually, the winner is supposed to be the one who plays the best solo.+++

**Badeend: Do you still have to take guitar lessons to play better?**

Paul: No.+++

**blastedop: Do you visit fansites? How about a Top 10 Fansites in the official page?**

Paul: From time to time.+++

**Badeend: Why did you pick just that girl for the Texas vocal in Stirb nich vor Mir?**

Paul: It was our producer's idea.+++

**MafiUndomiel: Paul, is there any country that you´d like to visit or going on tour, and you haven´t yet? Why?**

Paul: Yes, we would love to go to Turkey, Mongolia, Iraq. We know we've got lots of fans there.+++

**Jenna: Which current musicians (Not youselves, I'm sorry) do you think are creating the best work at the moment?**

Paul: System of a Down, Muse, Snoop Doggy Dog, Eminem, Slip Knot, etc.+++

**Rammsteinizied: Dear Paul, How do you feel about us fans?**

Paul: It's an honour.+++

**Minx: Do you have a favourite guitar part in a particular song you really enjoy?**

Paul: +++

**DRS2G: Will "Rosenrot" be the 2nd single from your new album?!**

Paul: Yes.+++

**Straya: I'm wondering how this question has not come up yet... but, plenty of people are asking if you guys will tour in America and Canada. I don't mean for this to be one of those annoying questions. But, has anything be talked about?**

Paul: I'm certain that we'll tour North and South America with our next album.+++

**rammsteinuk: I read in a recent interview that there were some arguments within the band during the production of 'Mutter'. Have there been any more strong disagreements like this since?

**Paul: Thankfully not. There's always stress when six stubborn people meet, but nothing serious.+++

**minx: Most influential musician on yourself?**

Paul: Laibach, Ministry, Metallica, Nirvana.+++

**blastedop: Did you like Benzin video? Schneider didnt.**

Paul: I don't think it's that bad.

Paul: We've had three really good videos in a row, so it'S hard to keep the standards so high.

Paul: I'm glad that there's some variation, next time we'll improve.+++

**whiskeypapa: First, Reise Reise saw a "country moment" with Los, and now Rosenrot has Te Quiero Puta. If you could make a fusion of Rammstein and any other world music (for fun), what would it be?**

Paul: Yes, I interested in all combinations of things that don'T fit together.+++

**Biz: Are there any downsides to being famous?**

Paul: We're famous but we can still buy groceries in Berlin without bodyguards.

Paul: We've got nothing to complain about.

Paul: Our band is famous around the world but we still have normal lives, thank God.+++

**minty: Paul are you looking forward to the world cup next year? who will win?**

Paul: Yes. It doesn'T look good for Germany right now.

Paul: I hope that a miracle happens.+++

**aeon: Do you hope your music will still be appreciated in many years from now or it doesn't matter to you ?**

Paul: I think that we're relatively timeless.

Paul: But that'S probably what every band thinks and two years later nobody cares ...+++

**DRS2G: Was it good to be directed by Jonas Akerlund?!**

Paul: Yes, he's just a cool guy.+++

[leam1983]

Placing D&D's Failures In-Context

TL;DR: it isn't because Tolkien and Lewis followed in the footsteps of Chaucer and Snorri Sturlesson that you also need to play out stories involving clean-cut Good and Evil forces.

Y'ain't writing a Narnia redux, so go nuts and do workshop that trusting, gentlemanly and wise Beholder with a wee little top hat. It's your game, and yours alone.

I might be a Marketing-related writer by trade, I still primarily identify as a world-builder. As such, I have to credit Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder and other similar roleplaying avenues for helping me come up with my interest in specificity.

I've noticed a few people making note of the inconstant delivery of lore in D&D as of the 5th Edition, and especially of certain bad stereotypes that are being bandied about. I'm not looking to excuse them, so much as to make sure any other theory or lore-crafters understand why some concepts are so deliberately slapdash or offensive.

As with a lot of other things, it all goes back to Tolkien and Lewis, and to the myths and legends they themselves drew from.

You have to remember that The Lord of the Rings and Narnia are both serving as in-fiction national epics of a sort, the storied tale of the Good Guys thwarting the Bad Guys in your usual bout of identity-forging on a national level. You're effectively looking at Middle-Earth justifying its own existence, and at Narnia effectively setting up its main antagonist as someone who's not so much as deserving of nuance.

Nuance isn't foundational, after all. It isn't Biblical. It doesn't inform an etiological project for a greater Society. For the same reason, reading old Natural Science encyclopedias dating back to the late seventeen-hundreds would show us an outdated view of what constitutes an optimal ecosystem. Poke around for old news briefs dating back to the werewolf panic in France (yes, this is a thing) and you'll find no mention whatsoever of what primarily caused said panic, which was a combination of superstition, ergotism and excessive hunting of the local deer population. Wolves won't naturally attack humans, but a starving wolf who's had nothing to eat for days on end might be desperate enough to think otherwise.

Once Gygax realized there'd be more potential in his pen-and-paper jousting model if he freed it from the constraints of History, he felt the need to evoke that specific feel of classic Fantasy. The need to classify distaff character classes as protagonists likely initially edged them towards the Good side of the prototypical Alignment system, while fishing for antagonists obviously called for the opposite approach.

The rest sort of followed. If you're going after a Tolkien-esque propagandistic take on heroic deeds, then you don't need to give much nuance to orc, gnolls, trolls, goblins or what have you; you're entirely free to go as cartoonishly evil as you want. The apex of that approach was probably reached once the concept for Mind Flayers was pitched in 1977: when you're walking in H.P. Lovecraft's footsteps - as the man made it easy to misconstrue unknowable as being a synonym for evil - it's not exactly hard to start pitching the concept that some races are always Evil-aligned, no holds barred. That sort of talk unsurprisingly gives rise to purists.

Enter our contemporary era, wherein what isn't dissected or cancelled is revised for the good of Progressive gamers everywhere. You're a DM, you know the later editions pack resources for players wanting to play monsters, but D&D is so rigid in its presentation it might seem difficult to reason out of certain established canons.

What I do for my own campaigns is as follows.

I start by acting as if the Alignment system didn't exist. Githzerai, Aboleth, Bugbear, Illithid, whatever it is you're looking to play, it's just a stat block and a pretty picture. Then, I revisit the background info for your selected species and voluntarily ignore everything that involves agency-stripping "evil forces" shaping your character's native culture. Instead, you're born of a culture that is, as any decent Sociology teacher would tell you, the product of its environment.

Let's pick the Illithids. Canon-wise, they're extra-planar invaders long-since established in your setting of choice, to the point of usually forming a good chunk of your Underdark-esque setting's sociopolitical tensions. Having supposedly escaped annihilation, they're looking to rebuild at any cost and see all outsiders as tools to be put to use. This utilitarian concept goes so far as to inform how they reproduce, and also exposes a society where terminal sociopathy is the norm.

Okay. Let's break that down and keep only what I need to build upon or what I find interesting:

Extra-planar invaders? That's on-the-nose to the point of parody. Seeing as there's an element of survival involved, extra-planar refugees seems like a more cogent starting point. That angle gives me interesting societal hooks to play with, starting with various forms of PTSD, trauma, survivor's guilt, isolationism - or even more positive aspects, like the survivors seeing themselves as messengers warning the natives of a greater incoming threat, and deciding to arm both themselves and their new neighbours - at any cost. That gives the culture a large enough moral range to allow for both Good and Evil-aligned characters.

It doesn't make sense for shell-shocked survivors to effectively take over their new home. You're not looking at a civilization's worth of warriors, especially not with the Illithid - they're effectively betentacled bookworms that might be lucky if they had a few hardened soldiers left. Considering, they could either survive by ingratiating themselves with the local Drow or Dark Dwarf populations - as advisors, strategists, court scientists or sponsored researchers. Warriors in their ranks could make for an interesting spin on the concept of the wandering mercenary...

Ceremorphosis as a concept inspires no possibility for mutual exchange. Purists could argue that Flayers don't need to exchange what they can assimilate, but we're trying to avoid pejorative notions, here. Let's imagine, instead, that ceremorphosis is something they reserve for mutants derived out of the animal kingdom as a point of absolute bare necessity, and that they generally copulate in ways that are either closer to an actual cephalopod's or that follow the usual bipedal body plan. That implies some degree of sexual dimorphism that might go against the visual canons for Flayers, but the Internet's more than amply proved how much the community doesn't really mind that concept. If ceremorphosis has to be used, an easy workaround is to accept that the victim's original consciousness remains, but finds itself altered at the identitarian level. You'd die Bert the Barbarian and wake up still as Bert the Barbarian, except you'd feel a sense of distance from your former comrades and countrymen and would find it difficult not to imprint with your new "parents" or keepers.

Eating brains is an obvious issue. Let's stick with the Mother Nature-approved status of opportunistic carnivores, and leave the usefulness of learning through osmosis as a concept to the DM. If you really need to play up their intellectual capabilities, you can infer that Flayers have species-based total recall, which should make them fearsome or versatile enough in any context.

The end-result is a basic framework that's compatible with the notion of a "good" Illithid, without the need for some hackneyed messianic framework like the Adversary being involved - and that allows the idea of Mind Flayers being individuals in their own right to take shape. If the Elder Brain matters that much, you can retool it to be less a gestalt than a pool of shared knowledge, accessible depending on the subject's proximity to it - sort of like your Illithid colony's own flesh-based Intranet.

Remember that D&D is only a massive collection of suggestions. You're the creator of your own stories, so if you're looking to follow the trials and tribulations of a Gnoll Bard from a setting where the hyenafolk coexist with your distaff Rangers across forests and fields, go for it!

More importantly, if purists tell you the Monster Manual says X or that Mordenkainen's says Y, tell them you're running your own campaign.

It's all that matters.