#i think those two and amy would get along really well

[hishighnesstheprincess]

so what's your overall thoughts on the movie??

General: sa2 still clears and specifically I think the sa2 lore for the ARK trio (Shadow Maria and Gerald) is a lot better, but this was pretty good (sometimes even great) for a movieverse (loose) adaptation of sa2. I did not like Gerald though, I think his crusty ass should have been left in the 70s

Specific thoughts under the cut (spoilers obviously)

My main criticisms rn is that it basically just feels like a watered down version of sa2, from most of the main story beats to the lore to the characters etc. Obviously I was not expecting them to have the same amount of depth that the games managed to give to Shadow's story from both the extra content that comes along with the games (like the manual that confirmed Maria's illness) but I feel like cutting out stuff like Maria's illness and her wish just left the story feeling neutered in some very important ways. The other big thing I didn't like was Gerald in general. Like yeah he was kinda funny the first two acts, but then he keeps the goofy schtick up while Sonic and Shadow are trauma bonding and kicking ass in space and idk. If they wanted to show him as a more evil version of Eggman maybe have him just actually be more evil for the final act. Ideally he should have behaved more menacing after dropping the "You're no Maria" line. Also the pacing was fast as hell, and apparently the film cut relatively important stuff like explanations for how Gerald was alive at 110 years old (he was licking that Shadow quill apparently) and also led to stuff like Shadow's entire arc being kinda rushed.

Aside from those though... I kind of loved it???? Big surprise coming from me I know, and I do wonder if it's just recency bias, but I think this is easily and by far the best project the films have put out. If you've seen both trailers for this film you can predict how 95% of the plot is going to go along with the character arcs, but they're still decently effective (for everyone except Gerald). The goofiness does get to be a bit much sometimes and my god I wish they would just let movie Sonic be quiet for once in a while, but towards the later half it starts getting really good. The parallels between Sonic and Shadow are well-made and impactful. Super Sonic and Super Shadow are hype. The action is fucking fantastic (if you go to these films just for spectacle you ABSOLUTELY want to see this one). And the found family stuff is the best it's ever been. If you like Wachowski sibling content, and specifically Wachowski sibling angst, you will be feasting. Tails and Knuckles fans, GO TO THIS MOVIE. I won't say why but you'll fucking love it

Depending on my mood, it's a 6/10-8/10 from me

Random thoughts

The non-game human characters are the best balanced that they've ever been

The game human characters are not well balanced at all lmao

Even if movie 4 will inevitably be less hype than movie 3, I can honestly see it maybe being the best so far which is 100% my own bias

Amy's design is cute as hell and Metal's design is awesome as hell

I'm kinda glad Jim Carrey is (presumably) gone ngl

I hope they keep the energy Sonic had in the third act and mid-credits for the rest of the franchise, even if it will obviously be less intense than when he was literally trying to kill someone

I am going to make so many fanfics where movie Sonic suffers bc I adore him so much (/negative) (/positive)

I think it would be best if the next movie was just Sonic, Amy, and Metal. I love the sibs but this being in live action, if the cast keeps getting inflated every individual member is just going to have so much less time. Maybe Sonic and Amy get kidnapped to Little Planet or something

I want them to keep her crush on Sonic but also her spunky and somewhat violent and irrational attitude. If they kept Knuckles gullibility they should also keep her flaws

Shadow and Maria's story may be infinitely more compelling in the games but them in the movies is just more entertaining idk what to tell you

They gotta give Maddie something to do. She is literally just Tom's +1 at the moment please god give her something to do

I do not feel bad about the GUN commander guy at ALLLLLLLL lmao i think he shoulda died choking on his own blood. bitchass

you still don't need to watch the knuckles show

[nortedwayfinder]

Team Blue

i picture these four teaming up to find Sonic, Knuckles, Rouge, and Metal and the meme potential is insane.

Based on this recent post from sonic official twitter/tumblr:

[shadamyheadcanons]

Who would be the first to confess? Or the first to realize their feelings?

I’m of two minds on this. In my experience, the more common concept is “Shadow falls first, Amy falls harder.” This Twitter thread sums up the trope very well:

[Image ID: a screenshot of a tweet by user absolutesilly on April 17th, 2023 that reads, “it’s important to me that the “A fell first, B fell harder” trope ISN’T about B loving A more. it’s about A spending a long time just getting used to having this (seemingly) hopeless pining going on in the background 24/7, while B is just. hit by a truck with it all of a sudden.

fell first: been suppressing their emotions for so long that it’s like white noise to them. always there but mostly manageable. a bruise that only hurts when you press on it

fell harder: if We Don’t Get Married Tomorrow I’m Gonna Start Biting People” /.End ID]

And I don’t think I even have to clarify which one’s which. Shadow’s love is quiet and intense. He’s loyal and devoted. His affection is usually of the slow-burn variety. He hasn’t had any canonical crushes so far, but you can see it in his familial/platonic love for those he cares about. It’s natural to assume romance would be the same way.

And falling hard and fast is what Amy does. Need I mention Sonic? And her desire for marriage?

“Shadow has a crush on Amy for months/years until he suddenly sweeps her off her feet” is common for a reason. I’ve written plenty of it myself, including multiple WIPs. It was how I saw these two for a very long time, and there’s no denying that it’s compelling and in-character. If I were writing a shadamy-esque relationship in a movie, I’d write them that way.

HOWEVER...

I don’t think game canon is following that trajectory.

Under the cut: lots of ranting and images/hints, both old and new. You’ll recognize a lot of this if you’ve read my meta analysis posts, particularly why I ship them, how they’d resolve their arguments, and my feelings on TMOSTH. There’s a tl;dr and relevant headcanon at the end.

In my opinion, “Amy falls for Shadow later” doesn’t quite jive with canon because I think there’s ample evidence to suggest she already has a crush on him. It’s not as strong or obvious as the one she has on Sonic yet, but it’s there, just a little. To make a long story short:

She doesn’t look at someone like this...

[Shadow the Hedgehog 2005]

unless she has a crush on them:

[Sonic CD]

She doesn’t go out of her way to seek someone out this fervently...

[Sonic Battle]

...unless she has a crush on them:

[Sonic X]

She doesn’t insist on bringing someone along like this...

[The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog]

unless she has a crush on them:

Wallpaper posted on Sonic Channel 2/22/21. Art by Yuji Uekawa

One fun aspect of all of this is that the social media team seems to agree with me and keeps noticeably leaning into it. The Twitter Takeovers obviously aren’t canon and I’m not putting those in the “evidence” pile, but it’s cute how they keep having Amy act flustered about her feelings regarding him, and it’s definitely not something I’m imagining this time. It’s most obvious at 18:14 here:

The gushing, the stuttering...it’s obvious what they’re implying. Cindy Robinson’s very convincing at sounding smitten with him, which isn’t surprising considering her feelings on shadamy:

The question before that one in the Takeover arguably counts, too, and the social media team was primarily in charge of The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, after all. This is consistent for them. There are plenty of other bits and pieces from them and the not-so-subtle marketing team these days, but I’d be ranting like a conspiracist and hunting down links all day if I got started on those.

^ Me at 2am.

I bring this up not just because it’s fun, but also to prove I’m not the only one who sees it. It’s definitely there, and it always makes me wonder what would’ve happened if she’d met Shadow first instead of Sonic. Would her little crush on Shadow have become the primary one if he’d entered her life first? Would we see this kind of thing all the time if Shadow were the protagonist?

[IDW issue 59]

Yes

We’ll never know, I guess! 🙃

Regardless, she met Sonic first, so her attention is...divided. She’s usually in-tune with her emotions, so even though her outlook on love is tinted somewhat by hero worship, I do think she’d figure out she had feelings for Shadow if her crush on Sonic were sidelined. As she got to know him better, she’d find even more things to love about him, and before long, she’d be hooked.

For Shadow’s part, it’s pretty clear to anyone who’s paying attention that he has a soft spot for her of some kind. In my experience, even non-shadamy fans will usually agree with this if asked. And why wouldn’t they?

1. He let her hug him and see him cry in SA2, then saved the world because she asked him to. There’s a reason fans hate it whenever Amy’s elevator speech at the end of SA2 is put in someone else’s mouth. It’s just not believable that he’d save the world for anyone else--not Sonic, not Chris Thorndyke--because the gentleness isn’t there for anyone but her. That had to be built and proven.

2. She inspired yet another heel-turn of his in the conspicuously-named “Miracle of Love” route in ShTH where “bad boy” Shadow ditches Black Doom to help her, resulting in a hero classification.

I think we undersell how big of a deal this is. For those who aren’t too familiar with Shadow the Hedgehog (2005), that story route starts out with Shadow ignoring Sonic and...*checks notes*...defeating fifty G.U.N. soldiers? The mission says “defeat,” not “kill.” But Black Doom says “finish off those soldiers,” “destroy them all,” “exterminate,” and “annihilate.” In a game where you’re explicitly encouraged to use firearms. On human soldiers. So this Shadow quite possibly has a significant body count by the end of the level, and then he immediately snubs Rouge to destroy Earth’s digital highway system. There’s a reason he can’t get a hero ending past that point if he doesn’t help Amy. Just like in SA2, she’s the only one left who can turn him into a hero. She speedruns his redemption with one jaunt through a haunted castle. This is the sequence:

[Source]

The way he trails off at, “I didn’t have any reason to help her, but since I was looking for the doctor anyway, I figured...” stands out, like he’d forgotten how good of a person he can be.

This brief Twitter thread summarizes the events in a much funnier way than I can:

3. The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog is the most recent and blatant example. Goes to a party. Dresses up in a silly outfit. Embarrasses himself to get her a thoughtful gift. Agrees to go to a concert for a band he can’t stand just to make her happy. I don’t think I even need to explain this one, but if you want to see me do so anyway, here’s that link again.

4. In Team Sonic Racing, he’s sweet to her when they’re on the same team...

...and he’s borderline flirtatious when they’re on opposing teams. ;)

His lines are delivered in a snarky, teasing way, especially when he calls her cute, and she’s matching that competitive banter.

[Source: this Twitter thread by MeliCross22:

Absolutely worth a read, and it includes links to the lines so you can actually hear them.]

The question is whether his soft spot is romantic in nature, and as biased as I am...I don’t buy it. In the first two, she’s just reminding him of who he is by calling to mind his memories of Maria, and “Miracle of Love” isn’t meant in a romantic way. Likewise, in TMOSTH, it’s extremely sweet of him and he wouldn’t do that for anyone else, but it’s still not inherently romantic. TSR is less cut-and-dried. It could be flirtation, but it could also just be the race stoking their competitive spirits. It’s also just a side game, and while it’s still canon, I don’t know if Sega would put that kind of dynamic between them in the main series. It could be a case of the TSR writers being secret shadamy fans who are tossing us crumbs, but it could also just be them mixing it up so there isn’t yet another instance of Amy saying variations of “Sorry, but I’m in it to win it!” every time she hits someone with an item. Trust me, it gets old.

Canonically, I don’t see Shadow as being romantically interested in anyone to a significant extent at the moment, Amy included. He’s been too focused on his past, his identity crisis, the alien invasion, etc. I don’t think there’ll really be room for romance in his life until he fully makes peace with his trauma. This moment at the end of his game...

...just doesn’t do that. Shadow Dark Beginnings has made it abundantly clear that he hasn’t moved on.

And this is where Amy comes in, because I think she’s the ideal person for the job.

Sega seems to pivot back and forth between “Shadow has no friends” and “Shadow has two friends, but he even keeps them at a distance sometimes.” Without people in his life who are willing to reach out, he withdraws, and it’s really not good for him. A lot of fans feel he’s hesitant to bond with others because no one else is immortal and he knows how painful loss is. It’s not explicitly stated, but it’s consistent with his behavior. Isolating himself is easy. It’s safe. It’s something he can control.

But it’s not sustainable.

He needs love. He needs it so much. It’s his very purpose, in the most literal sense. Maria said it best in episode 2 of Dark Beginnings:

“You have a big heart! It may be difficult for you to express it, but I know that deep down you really do care. About me. About everyone! What you do is what defines you. I know you’re having a hard time finding answers, but I’m certain you will one day. Then, you’ll find even more people you can trust.”

^ This is what I mean when I say Maria would love Amy. Amy’s the only other character who feels love as deeply as Shadow does, the only one who could fully understand, and she just so happens to be a clingy girl who’ll reach out to anyone, even people who think they want to be left alone. It’s baffling that Sega basically hasn’t let them interact for two decades because she absolutely would insist on befriending him.

Shadow hides, but Amy chases. She loves a challenge and doesn’t shy away if she feels she belongs with someone, even if that person runs. If she decided Sonic wasn’t right for her, I think it’s only natural that she’d pursue Shadow given her obvious fondness for him. The only difference is that when someone chases Shadow, he doesn’t run. He clings. He clung to Maria, he clung to Team Dark, and he’d cling to her, too, and I don’t think he’d stand a chance against her charm from there. He’s a romantic in his own way, and that soft spot of his would turn rose-tinted in a heartbeat. If there’s anyone who could convince him that love is worth it, it’d be her; I highly doubt she’d regret her past love of Sonic, and if he thought about it, I don’t think he’d regret his attachment to Maria, either. Amy told him the people of Earth deserved a chance to be happy. Now he lives on Earth with her. Couldn’t she convince him that he deserves that chance, too?

And if he hesitated and tried to ignore his feelings for Amy, I could see Rouge stepping in to kick him in the right direction. It wouldn’t be the first time she talked some sense into him for the sake of his own happiness:

[IDW issue 36]

tl;dr: Amy already likes Shadow. If she spent more time with him, those feelings would grow, and it wouldn’t be long before she’d be pursuing him in earnest. With her talent for breaking down barriers and his existing soft spot for her, it wouldn’t be a very long chase.

This headcanon is the one that I think portrays it best. I don’t think I’ll ever fully stop writing Shadow Falls First, Amy Falls Harder because it’s so damn compelling, but I love this interpretation, too, and it lines up too well with canon to ignore.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

heyyy, so i have a request cause i really love your amelia storys. So could you do a amelia one, where the reader is pregnant and amelia is scared to have sex. The reader goes to her best friend (maybe arizona or christina) for advise. Than the friend and the reader go to a sex shop and buy the readers first dildo. Later amelia finds the reader using the toy and the talk about amelia being scared to have sex while the reader is pregnant. And well smut at the end.

Xoxo

Can do! Hope you enjoy. :)

Playing It Safe

Amelia Shepherd x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, NSFW, sex, fingering, oral, masturbation, toy usage, sex shop, squirting, language around genitalia, some explicit language, previous Amelia trauma, pregnancy times, established relationship (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: You're needier than ever during your second trimester, but Amelia has some pregnancy trauma that's getting in the way. Thankfully, you've got people who are willing to help you get what you need.

“Amy,” you prompted as she circled your clit with her tongue. You gently pulled her head up, and she looked up at you expectantly with those beautiful, blue eyes. “I love your mouth, but I need you inside me.”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t know, babe.” She crossed her arms and rested her chin on your protruding stomach. “It doesn’t feel safe.”

You rolled your eyes. “Amelia, come on. We’ve been over this. Pregnancy sex is perfectly safe. If straight people do it, we can do it.”

“It just…” she stuttered, flopping onto the bed next to you. You sighed, your body drifting down, down from where it had tensed up. You weren’t going to get what you needed. Not today. “It makes me nervous.” She shrugged, and you cupped her face as she lay next to you. How could someone so smart be so stupid.

“You’re a doctor. You should know this. I know this.” Amelia never treated you differently because you were a nurse. You had a different skill set, that was all. But at a time like this, you didn’t mind emphasizing that, of the two of you, Amelia should absolutely be the more educated about pregnancy and safe sex.

Amelia was quiet for a while, looking down and avoiding your eyes. “I keep thinking about Christopher.”

Shit, you thought. It’s not that you’d forgotten about Amelia’s first child, the one who’d died in her arms mere minutes after he was born. Christopher was a part of her. But you sometimes forgot that the hopes and fears that surrounded your pregnancy were different for Amelia than they were for you. Amelia had experience. Not only that, she had trauma. Heart-wrenching, horrible trauma that she’d carry with her the rest of her life, even as she also got to carry and treasure this new child. It wasn’t fair to expect Amelia to be completely rational when it came to pregnancy safety.

You ran your thumb along her cheekbone, your voice soft. “Hey. That’s not gonna happen again. Our baby is perfectly healthy.”

“I just don’t want to take any risks,” Amelia whispered.

“Okay,” you sighed. “Okay. Whatever you need.”

Amelia started moving her hand down your body. “I mean, I can still…”

“It’s fine, Amy,” you said, hoisting yourself out of bed and kissing her on the forehead. “I gotta go to work anyway.”

You felt bad for your patients that night at Grey-Sloan. It wasn’t their fault you were sexually frustrated. You slumped into a rolling chair at the nurse’s station, groaning, and laid your head on the desk.

“Wow.”

You looked up and smiled wryly. It was Arizona–Dr. Robbins, as her patients would call her. For a little while, you and her had been the only out lesbians on the peds floor, so you’d become fast friends. Never dated–you weren’t each other’s type–but you were excellent wingwomen for one another. In fact, it was Arizona who had set you up with Amelia.

She leaned over conspiratorially, so that the people around you wouldn’t overhear your conversation. “That’s a sad lesbian sigh if I’ve ever heard one.”

You shrugged.

“What’s going on?” she prompted. “Trouble in paradise?”

You leaned closer, trying to keep your voice low. “She won’t sleep with me.”

Arizona looked genuinely shocked. “Like, at all!?”

“I mean, she won’t go inside me.”

You had never seen Arizona look more confused. “...Why?”

“She’s afraid it’ll hurt the baby.”

Arizona sat down next to you, rolling close to continue the conversation. “There’s no fucking way she really believes that. She’s a surgeon.”

“I don’t think she really does. She’s just…” You sighed and groaned. “She’s got some trauma.”

Arizona shrugged and mumbled. “I mean, if you really need to, you could just use the strap on yourself.”

You blushed. “We don’t use a strap.”

“Ever?!”

“I don’t know… it just hasn’t come up, I guess.”

She seemed to think deeply about this. “Well, do you have a vibrator or a dildo or anything?”

“No,” you answered quietly, your face getting redder by the minute.

Arizona looked at you like you were an infant, smiling, like you were something cute and tiny. “Aw, you’re just a baby.”

“Shut up. Just because I’m younger than you doesn’t make me a baby.”

“No, you’re right,” she nodded, smirking. “Not owning any sex toys makes you a baby.”

You rolled your eyes.

“What time are you off today?” she said, glancing at her watch.

“7:00,” you answered.

“Me too! It’s a date then.”

“Wait, what?” She’d lost you somewhere along the way.

Arizona squeezed your shoulder. “We’re gonna find you something to put inside yourself.”

You’d never felt more out of your element in your life than you did standing in front of a wall of fake penises with Arizona.

She smiled at your horrified face.

“Little much?” she asked.

You nodded. “I don’t know, Arizona. These all seem way too… real.” You eyed a particularly girthy, veiny dildo and grimaced.

Arizona leaned on your shoulder. “They’re better when they’re attached to boobs,” she admitted. “Here, come here.”

She led you to another aisle where the toys were similar in shape, but much less realistic looking. They were almost futuristic. Sleeker, smaller, more your speed. But there were so many of them.

“I’m feeling overwhelmed,” you told her, staring at all the options.

“You want my advice?” she asked.

You shrugged and nodded.

She pulled a toy down and handed it to you. It was blue and small and bent and there were buttons. You felt like you were in Star Trek. “I’d start with this*,” she explained. “It’s relatively small. It bends, so it can mimic the feeling of fingers.” She looked pointedly at you. “Since that’s what you’re used to.”

You nodded, looking at it. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try it anyway. I just…” You sighed. “It’s not as good, is it?”

“As a partner?!” Arizona shook her head. “But it’ll do the job.”

An hour later, you were sitting in bed, the package opened in front of you, reading the little instruction manual. Sixteen settings. An app!? You just weren’t sure about it. And you felt a little bad for even wanting to use it. You knew you weren’t cheating on Amelia by masturbating. You both did it, you both knew you both did it. You worked long hours, sometimes things just didn’t line up. But this felt different somehow. Illicit.

But, god, you needed it. You’d needed it since last night. Since last week, even, when you’d started to show and Amelia had started treating you like you were made of glass.

You took a deep breath and leaned back against the pillows you’d stacked against the headboard, trying to think sexy thoughts. Amelia thoughts. You thought of her body against yours, the taste of her, her curves you loved to trace.

Your breath started to grow rhythmic, ragged, and you circled your fingers gently over your clit. After a few minutes, your arousal started to pool, and you spread it around, taking a deep breath and grabbing the toy. You looked at it suspiciously, as if it was an alien. It wasn’t Amelia. It didn’t look like Amelia. But, then maybe, like Arizona had said, it would get the job done.

You pressed one of the buttons, choosing a vibration pattern at random, and slowly slid the toy inside of you. You moaned at how good it felt to have something inside you, to once again feel something pressed against your fluttering walls. And while, no, it didn’t feel as good as Amelia’s fingers would, it was new and exciting to be able to control everything, all of it, the whole experience. The speed, the depth, the direction, to cater to your every want and move because it was you on both sides.

You continued stroking your clit as you thrust the toy in and out of you, shaking around it. God, you’d needed this.

When Amelia burst into the bedroom, still in her scrubs, you froze, face beet red, hands between your legs. She wasn't supposed to be home. Not this early.

She stared at you in shock, and neither of you spoke for a moment.

“What are you doing!?” she said, sounding somewhere between sad and angry. It was pretty clear exactly what you were doing.

“Amy, I–”

She shook her head in frustration, sitting on the edge of the bed. You tossed the toy aside and covered yourself with the sheets, feeling more self-conscious than you ever had around her.

You felt like crying. All you’d been trying to do was meet your own needs, so that Amelia wouldn’t have to. You didn’t want to make her any more anxious than she already was, but it seemed like you’d done just that.

She looked in your direction, but not in your eyes, and you saw that hers were full of tears.

“Amy…” you breathed, moving toward her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping tears from underneath her eyelids. “I know it’s safe. In my head, I know it, but I’m just–” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “I’m so scared, all the time. And I know you need me, and I’m just–I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you said, drawing close and wiping a tear from her cheek. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I should have been better about telling you what I needed and, well, what I was doing to get it.”

She breathed deeply, seeming to calm down a bit, as she looked you over.

“Did you finish?” she asked, smiling slightly.

“What?”

“Just now. Did you finish?”

“Uh… no. No, but that’s oka–”

Amelia’s lips crashed into yours, hot and salty from her tears, and you pulled away a bit, surprised.

“Amy, it’s okay,” you assured her, holding her face in your hands. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” she said, her voice rough with lust and emotion. “I’m so tired of being scared.”

You looked into her eyes as she pushed you down on your back. They were lustful, determined, and just a little bit sorry. You brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, running a thumb along her brow bone.

“Everything’s gonna be okay, honey,” you told her, quietly. “The baby’s safe and healthy.”

“I know,” she said, pressing her lips to yours and slipping her tongue into your mouth, her hands squeezing your hips. 

And she didn’t look away. She kept her eyes–so beautiful, so brave–on yours as she pressed her fingers inside of you. You gasped, arching your back into her, so happy, so relieved to have her inside you again. The toy was just that–a toy, a tool. Amelia was a goddess.

Amelia whined, too, planting sloppy kisses all over your neck, your collarbone, your chest. “I missed this,” Amelia huffed, high on the way your body pulsed around her, tight and desperate and already so close to the edge. “I missed you.” Her breath was hot on your skin, her lips red and puffy from colliding with yours so furiously.

You felt yourself barrelling toward the cliff of an orgasm and grabbed her arms for dear life. “Amy,” you moaned. “Amy, I’m gonna–”

She grinned as you fell apart, quaking and throbbing around her, your hips thrusting, back arching. But, then–something neither of you had expected or experienced before–a tiny stream of fluid, flooding out of your body. You cried out, coming harder than you’d ever come in your life, way too far gone, too lost in your orgasm, to think about what the hell was going on down there.

When you finally came down, Amelia stared at you, gaping–her face a mixture of shock, self-satisfaction, and pure, dumb happiness.

“Holy shit,” she said, biting her lip and bouncing a little.

You propped yourself up, alarmed at how wet the bed was. “Did I–”

“Yeah,” Amelia laughed, running her hands through her hair. “You sure did, baby. Holy shit.”

You stared at the wet spot. That had never happened before. You weren’t sure you liked it.

“Jesus,” you said, your eyebrows furrowed. “I–”

Amelia crashed her mouth into yours, wrapping her arms around your neck.

“Never,” she said, pulling away breathlessly, “let me say I’m too afraid to fuck you again. Never.”

“It’s okay if you are,” you assured her, running your hands up and down her back.

“Nope,” she argued, shaking her head. “If that’s on the table, trauma can suck it.”

You laughed and kissed her again, happy to have her body close to yours–with no inhibitions–once more.

*This is the toy, in case you’re wondering. 😉

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Hi! A lot has already been written about Robespierre's relationship with both Camille and Saint-Just, but I would be really curious to learn more about his relationship with Pétion that you've mentioned!

Specifically if there is any evidence that we know of that indicates any strong feelings or possible romantic involvement. I'd also be interested to know how their relationship transformed over time, since they ultimately ended up on opposing sides?

Thank you in advance citoyen!

Pétion and Robespierre met for the very first time after the convening of the Estates General in May 1789 to which both had been elected members, Pétion in March, Robespierre in April. Using Oeuvres complètes de Maximilien Robespierre, I’ve tracked the first instance of the two getting mentioned together to May 20 1789, when the journal Le Point du Jour describes a debate on the publication of municipal minutes both have taken part in:

In the debates occasioned by this motion, great talents already known, such as those of MM. Target and Mirabeau fulfilled the expectations one had created. Others, like those of MM. Barnave, Chapelier, Pétion de Villeneuve and Robespierre, manifested themselves in a striking manner.

Using the same source, along with Poursuivre la Révolution : Robespierre et ses amis à la Constituante (1994), it can be observed that Pétion and Robespierre from this moment up until the closing of the National Assembly in September 1791 fought side by side in a number of big discussions — the question of war and peace (May 16-22 1790) where both supported the motion that the Assembly alone should hold the right to declare war and king should be deprived of it, the colonies (May 11-15 1791), where both were among the 27 deputies speaking in favor of free men of color, the organisation of the national guard (27-28 april 1791), a body to which they argued both active and passive citizens should belong, the abolition of lettres de cachet (13-16 March 1790) as well as that of the silver mark and land ownership (August 1791), the non-eligibility of National Assembly deputies to the next Legislature (May 16 1791) an idea Robespierre himself had come up with, and the  question of the death penalty (May 30 1791), were both were among the rare ones to ask for its complete and total abolition. Pétion and Robespierre are found agreeing on a multitude of smaller topics as well, such as the sanction of the Declaration of the Rights of Man (October 2 1789), the treatment of bishops in office (June 22 1790), the inviolability of deputies (June 25 1790), the massacres of La Glacière (16-18 November 1790), police functions (December 28 and December 30 1790), the power of the colonial committee (January 11 1791) the organisation of the justice system (February 5 1791), the organization of administrative bodies (March 3 1791), an extradition request from the court of Vienna (March 5 1791), appointment of national treasury administrators (March 9 1791), the judgment of disputes in electoral matters (March 13 1791), the right to inheritance (April 1 1791) and the right to petition (May 9 and May 10 1791).

All these shared battles of course led to the two often getting mentioned side by side in the evergrowing press. Over the first two years of the National Assembly’s existence, these mentions mostly just consist of Pétion and Robespierre both getting listed as two of several deputies of the far left, alongside people such as Mirabeau, Barnave, Lameth, Duport, Buzot, and Grégoire. The first instance of someone describing Pétion and Robespierre as a unit while also seperating them from their fellow radical deputies that I’ve found is from December 13 1790, when Desmoulins writes the following in number 55 of his Révolutions de France et de Brabant:

One cannot speak about Robespierre without thinking about Péthion [sic]. 

This tying together of the two deputies and their cause was in the following months to do nothing but grow among the journalists. Desmoulins himself would go on to declare that ”it is only Péthion and Robespierre that I have constantly praised, because every man of good faith will agree that they have always been irreproachable” (number 69, March 21 1791) and that ”we must always come back […] to the system of Robespierre and Péthion: perish the colonies, rather than the principles!” (number 77, May 16 1791). In number 472 (May 28 1791) of of l’Ami du Peuple, Marat describes the National Assembly as consisting of ”two hundred men too narrow-minded to know what they are, and one or two honest men who have never wanted anything other than the general good. Such are Péthion [sic] and especially Robespierre,” and three days later, in number 475, he reveals that ”If I were tribune of the people […] I would give Péthion [sic] and especially Robespierre a civic crown.” In number 783(October 2 1791) of Le Patriote Français, Brissot called Pétion and Robespierre ”the two Catos of the Constituent” and a few days later Louis Marie Prudhomme expressed himself in similar terms, writing ”Péthion [sic], Robespierre and the small group of their like, did not fail to embarrass their adversaries so powerful in number and means: more than once their presence reminded that of Cato to the licentious spectators of Rome” (Révolutions de Paris, number 117). 

The image of the two as inseparable was even stronger in the different Jacobin clubs scattered across the land. On April 17 1791 it was discovered that one of them had placed busts of Pétion and Robespierre next to that of the recently deceased Mirabeau, contrary to the rule that no busts of living people would be displayed in the clubs. On July 13 1791, one M. Sigaud read a letter to the parisian Jacobin club signed by 300 people wanting to ”give thanks to MM. Pétion and Robespierre, for having announced the greatest courage in the defense of the people. They will threaten you with daggers, with death: fear nothing, their daggers will only be able to penetrate you through the rampart of our bodies. Our arms, our hearts, our lives, everything is yours.” Two weeks after that, July 25 1791 Tallien exclaimed to the same club that ”Where Pétion and Robespierre are, are the true friends of the Constitution,” and three months later, October 10 1791, he held a speech where he said that ”the names of Pétion, of Robespierre, and of of those who, like them, have well served their fatherland, must be the rallying sign of all patriots; we always see them on the path of honor, and, by following in their footsteps, we are sure not to go astray.” On April 30 1792, Simond told the jacobins that ”MM Pétion and Robespierre” were the best revolutionaires, ”because there are no individuals who have figured like them in our revolutionary splendors.” In Nouveau Tableau de Paris (1797), Louis Sebastien Mercier remembered how Pétion had been the ”inseparable friend of Robespierre, their principles were then so consistent and their intimacy so marked, that they were called the two fingers of the hand. They continued to be placed under the same accolade until the end of 1792,” while Robespierre’s sister Charlotte wrote in her memoirs (1834) that her brother during the National Assembly ”was closest with Pétion, whose popularity then equaled his. They […] fought for the cause of the people, like two generous imitators who looked to surpass each other in noble sentiments.”

In spite of all this, it’s not until December 1790 I’ve been able to for the first time find Pétion and Robespierre together with a backdrop that’s not political, as they on the 25th and 27th of that month signed the wedding contract and attended the wedding ceremony of Camille and Lucile Desmoulins, Camille reporting to his father that ”I had as witnesses Péthion [sic] and Robespierre, the elite of the National Assembly, Sillery, who wanted to be there, and my two colleagues Brissot de Warwille and Mercier, the elite among the journalists. […] The dinner was at my house, only M. and Mdm Duplessis, their daughter Adèle, the witnesses and the celebrant.” Two months later, March 3 1791, Sillery writes to the same Camille that ”Madame de Sillery is coming to dine at my house with Pétion and Robespierre, I dare to ask your lovable and beautiful wife to do me this honor as well.” Yet another month later, April 3 1791, Robespierre made the motion that the recently deceased Mirabeau be buried in the Panthéon. In his memoirs (written 1793), Brissot claimed that ”Pétion reproached [Robespierre] for it the same day, he reproached him for it in my presence.” According to number 72 of Révolutions de France et de Brabant, Pétion was indeed the only deputy that didn’t attend Mirabeau’s funeral on April 5 1791. Finally, in 1850, Louis Philippe told John Wilson Croker that he at some point during the National Assembly had been at a dinner where the two deputies where — ”Pétion was big and fat, good-humoured and talkative, but heavy withal. He talked on, Robespierre said not a word, and I took little notice of him, he looked like a cat lapping vinegar. Pétion was rallying him on being so taciturn and farouche, and said they must find him a wife to apprivoiser him: upon which Robespierre opened his mouth for the first and last time with a kind of scream, ”I will never marry!” (The Croker Papers: the Correspondence and Diaries of the late right honourable John Wilson Croker… (1885) volume 3, page 209).

On June 10 1791, Robespierre was elected to become the future public prosecutor of the Paris criminal tribunal. Three days later, Pétion was chosen as president of the same body, after the first three elected deputies had all resigned. These new posts are the subject of the very first conserved letter exchanged between the two, dated 15 June 1791. Pétion writes the following to Robespierre using vouvoiement, the form the two are always recorded to have used with one another:

You probably know, my friend, about my appointment. I accept. I don't count having you as a colleague as something small. What scared Duport away is what attracts me. I looked for you in the hall and didn't see you. I wanted to go to your house, but I said to myself: I won't find him, he never dines at home. Buzot is a substitute and accepts. Be well, all yours.  This Wednesday evening.  Pétion.

There’s also the following letter from Pétion to Robespierre, that it too has to do with the latter’s position as public prosecutor. It is unfortunately undated, but Correspondance inédite de Maximilien et Augustin Robespierre (1910) traces it to June 1791 as well:

My friend, I violate the decrees, I become solicitor. It is true that my offense is not within the competence of the assembly. I ask you in the name of my relative, my friend and my host the right to supply medicine to the poor sick prisoners. I was told that this concession was within your competence. I don’t know anything about it.  All yours.  This Friday evening. 

Just six days after Pétion had penned the first letter down, June 21, Paris woke up to the discovery that the royal family had fled the capital during the night. In number 82 of Révolutions de France et de Brabant, Desmoulins described how he and others the very same day had brought a woman with information to give about the escape to the Jacobin Club, in the hopes that her testimony would get Robespierre to denounce Lafayette and Bailly. At first, Robespierre seems quite willing to go through with this, but when Pétion shows up and shows his disapproval of the idea he is quickly taken aback:

The section immediately named a deputation of 12 members, and we took this woman to the National Assembly. Robespierre and Buzot, whom we consulted, were carried away by the assured countenance of the witness, and by the whole of the testimony; but they were greatly perplexed as to the measures to be taken. All the members of the assembly were against revolutionaries, some without knowing it, but many knowingly, and the others out of fear. We will be, they said, pushed back from the tribune, referred to the research committee, and our accusation will be entered in this mortuary register of denunciations. Péthion [sic] came, and increased the embarrassment, and stopped Robespierre, who, at first, was quite disposed to take away the reputation of Bailly and La Fayette by assault.

In her memoirs, Madame Roland claimed to the very same day have seen Brissot and Robespierre at Pétion’s house (on rue du Faubourg-Saint-Honoré n. 6, today roughly a one hour walk from Robespierre’s apartment on rue de Saintonge 30) discussing the flight:

I was struck by the terror with which [Robespierre] seemed to be overcome on the day of the king's flight to Varennes; I found him in the afternoon at Pétion’s; where he said with concern that the royal family would not have taken this course without having a coalition in Paris which would order the Saint-Barthélemy of the patriots, and that he expected to be dead within twenty-four hours. Pétion and Brissot said, on the contrary, that the flight of the king was his loss, and that it was necessary to take advantage of it; that the dispositions of the people were excellent; that it would be better enlightened on the perfidy of the court by this approach than it would have been by the wisest of writings; that it was obvious to everyone, by this fact alone, that the king did not want the constitution he had sworn to; that it was time to ensure a more homogeneous one, and that it was necessary to prepare minds for the Republic. Robespierre, sneering as usual and biting his nails, asked what a Republic was!

In the night between June 21 and 22 the royal family was stopped in Varennes, and the next day Pétion, alongside Barnave and Maubourg, left the capital to escort them back. They reached Paris again on June 25. The escape attempt resulted in massive discontentment and demands that the king abdicate. On July 15, a petition written by a certain Massoulard, asking the assembly to suspend “all determination on the fate of Louis XVI until the well-pronounced wish of the entire Empire has been expressed” was brought to the National Assembly. In Lettre de J. Pétion à ses Commettans sur les Circonstances Actuelles, released later the same month, Pétion described how he and Robespierre had held these petitioners off, saying that since the Assembly had voted to keep the king on the throne the very same day, a petition was out of order:

I will say, since the occasion presents itself, that only once in this affair was a relationship established between the citizens gathered on the 15th of this month at the Champ-de-Mars and myself. These citizens had drawn up a petition for the National Assembly; commissioners carried them; they were charged with speaking to those who had risen against the project of the committees, to Grégoire, Robespierre, Prieur and myself, to be their organs with the assembly, and to negotiate their entry to the bar. M. Robespierre and I left the room to listen to these commissioners; and we told them that this petition was useless, that the decree [to keep the king on the throne] had just been passed. They asked us for a word to see that they had fulfilled their mission; we wrote a letter which breathes the love of order, of peace, and which, I believe, has been able to prevent misfortunes. 

When Pétion, Robespierre and Rœderer entered the Jacobin club’s evening session the very same day they got covered in applause. Both were there again on both July 16, putting their signatures on a letter to the sister societies in the provinces about liberty of the press and the elections for the upcoming Legislative Assembly, as well as on July 17 and 18, this time dealing with the mass walkout (that left the two and a handful more as the only National Assembly deputies still members of the Jacobins) following the founding of the Feuillants club the previous day. Desmoulins, who was also present at the session on the 17th, stated that he didn’t want any writing to say the Jacobins were splitting from the National Assembly since, ”certainly, where MM. Robespierre and Pétion are, there is no split with the National Assembly.”

Pétion would later recall how afraid Robespierre had been during these days. In J. P. Brissot, député à la Convention nationale, à tous les républicains de France; sur la société des Jacobins de Paris (1792) Brissot even accused Robespierre of having ”secretly proposed fleeing to Marseille to Pétion.” If that is a charge that should be taken with a grain of salt, it was nevertheless during these same days Robespierre changed address and took cover with the Duplay family on Rue Saint-Honoré 366. In her old days, the family’s youngest daughter Élisabeth claimed Pétion would frequent the house ”in the early days.” The year after the move Robespierre himself would nevertheless write that it wasn’t until August 7 1792 Pétion for the first time set his foot in the house (see below).

On September 30 1791, the National Assembly was finally closed to be replaced by the Legislative Assembly. Several journals described the triumphant exit Pétion and Robespierre made from there the very same day, getting met by cheers, applauds and cries of joy from a huge crowd who offered them so called ”civic crowns,” before the two climbed into a carriage (a ”humble” one according to Révolutions de France et de Brabant) and rode off together to the sound of fanfares. Here is the description given by Le Thermomètre du Jour:

Pétion and Robespierre came out last, arm in arm. Citizens with oak crowns tied with tricolor ribbons in their hands embraced them and said to them: ”Receive the price of your good citizenship and your incorruptibility; we give, by crowning you, the signal to posterity”; and the applause, the bravos, the shouts of ”long live Pétion and Robespierre! Long live the spotless deputies!” mingled with the chords of military music placed on the terrace of the foliage, filled all hearts with the sweetest intoxication. In vain, the two legislators wanted to hide from these testimonies of public recognition: as they fled, a young lady whom they met on the stairs which lead to the storage room said to them: ”allow at least that my child embraces you”; and this they could not resist. To escape the chorus of applause who were pursuing them, the two deputies, who had taken refuge in a house in the rue Saint-Honoré, got into a carriage. Immediately, in the delirium of enthusiasm, the horses were unhitched, and a thousand biases hastened to drag the carriage; degrading idolatry, of which those who were the object of it were afflicted and indignant. At this moment the honorable Robespierre, seized with holy indignation, hastily alighted from the carriage. “Citizens, he said, what are you doing? What humiliating posture will you take? Is this the price of my work for you for two years? Don't you already remember that you are a free people?” And he quickly got back into the carriage where his worthy colleague was. The attitude and admiration of the citizens at this moment cannot be described: sublime spectacle! You make delicious tears flow. One let the carriage roll off to the sound of fanfares, applause, cries and the most energetic blessings. May those who could have deserved such a triumph dry up in spite, comparing this excess of gratitude to the silence of contempt, or to the curses of hatred who accompanied them. Above all, may this touching example produce Pétions and Robespierres in the new legislation. 

This celebration might very well have been the follow-up of an intervention made at the Jacobin club on September 25 by one Varnet, who asked for ”a civic feast rewarded by the grateful parties to MM. Robespierre, Péthion [sic], etc, much more fraternal than all these royal celebrations which recall the ancient idolatry of the Badauds.” These would not be the homages paid to the two in the wake of the closing of the National Assembly. On October 9, the Jacobin club of Strasbourg decided to send each of the two a civic crown, as revealed in a letter with 400 signatures published in number 231 of Mercure Universel (October 17 1791). On November 6 1791, Annales patriotiques et littéraires could reveal that the club of Saint-Laron ”has informed that of Paris of the tribute of homage which it has paid to Pétion to Robespierre, and of the annual festival which it established in their honor, to teach, it said, to children that a glance from the people is better than the caresses of kings,” on October 27 the club in l’Orient reported (in a letter published in number 123 of Révolutions de Paris) that ”the names of Robespierre and Péthion [sic] are in veneration among [its members],” and on October 18 the club of Lyon sent Pétion and Robespierre an open letter thanking the two for all their services.

Shortly after the closing of the National Assembly Pétion left for London, but not before he was able to hand a report written by him on patriotic societies to Robespierre, which the latter then read to the jacobins on October 5. When Robespierre too left the capital for Arras a few days later, Pétion’s shadow clearly accompanied him. In a letter to Maurice Duplay dated October 16 he could joyfully report the following:

At Arras itself, the people received me with demonstrations of affection which I cannot describe, and the thought of which still warms my heart. Every possible means was used to express it. A crowd of citizens had come out of town to meet me. They offered a civic crown, not only to me, but to Pétion as well, and in their cheers the name of my friend and companion in arms was often mingled with my own. 

A month later, November 17, Robespierre writes to Maurice again:

…I think with sweet satisfaction about the fact that my dear Pétion may have been appointed mayor of Paris as I write. I will feel more keenly than anyone the joy that every citizen should be given by this triumph of patriotism and frank honesty over intrigue and tyranny. 

Robespierre came back to Paris on November 28. One of the first things he did was go and dine at the house of Pétion (who he here goes so far as to call his family), as revealed by a letter to Antoine Buissart he wrote two days later:

With what joy we met again! With what delight we embraced! Pétion occupies the superb house inhabited by the Crosnes, the Lenoirs: but his soul is always simple and pure: the choice of him [as mayor] alone would suffice to prove the revolution. The burden with which he is charged is immense; but I have no doubt that the love of the people and its versus gives him the necessary means to carry it. I'm having dinner at his house tonight. These are the only times when we can see each other as a family, and talk freely. 

Following Pétion’s election to mayor, his apperances in public become much fewer compared to his time as deputy of the National Assembly. Robespierre on the other hand could not get enough of praising his friend at the Jacobin club. On February 10 1792, he held a speech in which he cried out the following, apropos of suggesting holding a ceremony at the Champ-de-Mars and making a sacrifice on the altar of liberty:

O Pétion! You are worthy of this honor, worthy of deploying as much energy as wisdom in the dangers that menace the fatherland that we have defended together. Come, let us mingle our tears and weapons on the tombs of our brothers, remind ourselves of the pleasures of celestial virtue, and die tomorrow, if need be, from the blows of our common enemies. 

Five days later, in his inaugural address as public prosecutor, Robespierre called Pétion ”the one of all my colleagues to whom I was most closely bound, by works, by principles, by common perils, as much as by the ties of the most tender of friendships,” and says it was due to Pétion’s advice that he was taken aback from proposing that National Assembly deputies not only be barred from serving on the Legislative Assembly, but also be excluded from any public offices at all following the start of said assembly. He then eulogized his friend once again: ”I swear that it is he who, up until this moment, has saved the capital and prevented the horrible plans of the enemies of our liberty; I swear that the courage and virtues of Pétion were necessary for the salvation of France.” A month after that, March 19, Pétion sent the Jacobins a letter disapproving of the recent usage of the so called ”bonnet rouge” among the club’s members. After the letter had been read out, Robespierre stood up and supported his motion, and together, the two succeded in getting the bonnet rouge depositioned from the Jacobin Club:

I respect, like the mayor of Paris, all that is the image of liberty, I will even add that I saw with a great pleasure this omen of the rebirth of liberty; however; enlightened by the reflections and by the same observations made by M. Pétion, I felt urged to present to society the reasons which have just been offered to you, but as I have only patriotism to fight with, I am charmed to be guided by M. Pétion, by a citizen whose civility and love for liberty is foolproof, by a citizen whose heart is ardent and whose head is cold and thoughtful, and who brings together all the advantages, talents and virtues necessary to serve the country, at a time when the most skillful and astute enemies can deal it disastrous blows.

And yet another month later, April 13 1792, Robespierre defended Pétion against attacks of unnamed enemies:

The mayor of Paris, they say, is ambitious; we are arsonists who slander the constituted authorities to elevate our ambition at the expense of others; well, prove it. Our goal has been to fight in the constituent assembly all the parties of tyranny, Pétion and I have done it, were it even the means Pétion would guarantee, far from foreseeing then that our principles would triumph over a cabal if strong, we believe that after the constituent assembly we would be immolated and that the principles of our ancestors would be adopted: I saw Pétion, at the time when he was brought to the position of Mayor of Paris, two months before his appointment, at a time when we can remember that the votes of the good citizens floated between him and me, I saw the mayor of Paris determined not to accept this place; he read the same feelings in my heart, and when he accepted it, I guarantee to the whole nation that he only did it because he had only considered it as a terrible pitfall for the citizen who would occupy it in such a stormy circumstance for the public good. 

Despite Pétion’s massive new workload, he and Robespierre still found the time to see each other, albeit with work still being the main topic of discussion. In Réponse de Maximilien Robespierre à Jêrome Pétion (November 1792), Robespierre recalled that ”Last January to June, when the ministers were renewed, I saw you (Pétion) in the firm belief that it was you who had chosen them. As I asked you if this action of the court was not suspicious to you, you replied, with a very remarkable air of consent: “Oh! if only you knew what I know! If only you knew who nominated them!” I guessed you, and I said to you, laughing at your good faith: “it’s you, perhaps.” And then, rubbing your hands, you responded: “Hem, hem,” No matter how much you persisted in confirming this fact to me, I didn't want to believe it. I esteemed you too much to suppose that you would have the necessary credit with Louis XVI and his courtiers to give him ministers.” Somewhere after Robespierre was sworn in as public prosecutor, the two also co-authored the pamphlet Observations sur la nécessité de la reunion des hommes de bon foi contre les intrigues par Jérome Pétion, Maire de Paris; et Maximilien Robespierre, Accusateur Public du département de Paris.

But all while this ”bromance” was playing out, so too was the debate on whether or not France ought to go to war. It’s most influential voices were Robespierre on the anti-war side, and Pétion’s childhood friend and freshly baked member of the Legislative Assembly Brissot on the pro-war side. Pétion himself would appear to have stayed neutral in the conflict, I have at least not been able to find any instance of him speaking his mind on the topic. But on April 25 1792, five days after France had declared war on Austria, he adressed the following letter to Robespierre, regretting the session at the Jacobins held the same day, during which Brissot’s ally Guadet had loudly denounced Robespierre, calling him an ”imperial speaker […] who constantly puts his pride before public affairs, the position to which he was called”, after which Robespierre had requested time to properly respond, something which he was granted. Pétion does however not attack Guadet for saying what he had said about Robespierre, instead confining himself to lamenting division in general in a time when external war has just been declared:

The session which took place yesterday [sic] at the Jacobins saddened me. Is it possible that we’re tearing ourselves apart like this with our own hands? I don't know what demon thus blows the fire of discord. What! It is when we are at war with the enemies without that we will stir up trouble within. The Society most useful to the progress of the public spirit and of liberty is on the point of being torn apart. We suspect each other, we insult each other, we slander each other, we accuse each other respectively of being traitors and corrupt. Perhaps if the men who present themselves thus were to see themselves in the open they would esteem each other. How hideous human passions are. What, we can't have the calm and energy of free men? We cannot judge objects in cold blood, we scream like children and are furious. I truly tremble when I consider who we are and always wonder if we will retain our freedom. I haven't rested all night, and have only dreamed of misfortunes. A grace, my friend, be aware of the split that is preparing itself. Caution and firmness. I see there men who seem to have the most fervent patriotism and whom I believe to be the most perverse and corrupt men. I see others who are only stunned and inconsequential but who do as much harm by levity as others by combination. Irritated self-esteem, deceived ambitions play the biggest game. When we reach port, must storms arise and the ship run the risk of crashing against the rock? Think about it seriously. Redouble your efforts to get us out of this mess. Be well.  Your friend.  Pétion. 

On April 27 1792, Robespierre could deliver a speech by the name of Réponse de M. Robespierre, aux discours de MM. Brissot & Guadet du 25 avril 1792 in response to what Guadet had said about him two days earlier. In it, he stated among other things that the things the two reproached him for ”are precisely the same charges brought against me and against Péthion [sic] last July by Dandré, Barnave, Duport, La Fayette!” Something which the authors of the journal Chronique de Paris picked up on when recounting the speech:

…Before finishing, [Robespierre] had taken care to name M. Pétion, and to establish between them a community of ideas, a relation of feelings on the objects which divide the society. He knows very well that M. Pétion is far from approving his follies, or rather his fury, but he also knows that he could not disarm him without losing a large part of his popularity, so the goal was not missed, and Robespierre's party was swelled with all the worthy friends of the worthy Pétion. 

Two days after that, April 29 1792, Pétion writes yet another letter to Robespierre:

My friend, I will go to the Jacobins tonight and ask to speak. I will not speak of people, but of things. I will set forth principles and I will come to conclusions suitable for restoring peace. The situation of this society is getting worse day by day. After having rendered such important services, when it can render still more important ones, it would be terrible if it gave the scandalous example of a split. The spirits are very irritated. One becomes the fable of all malicious people, the newspapers are tearing this Society apart, tearing its members apart, we must put an end to all writings. Your friend, Pétion. 

Pétion did indeed show up to the Jacobins the very same day, where he, according to the minutes, ”made a long motion of order tending to maintain the union in the Society, and asked that all these quarrels be moved on from.” Right after the club had ordered the speech printed, Robespierre tried to take the floor but was refused by ”girondin” president Lasource. The next day, he once again attempted to speak against Brissot and Guadet, underlining that ”I want to keep to the limits fixed by M. Pétion,” but that his approach had been turned against them by ”libelists, directed against him, against me, against this society and against the people itself.” Robespierre again insists on a closeness between him and Pétion: 

I know he is horrified of plots hatched against me: his heart has spilled over into mine; he cannot see without shuddering these horrible calumnies which assail me from all sides.

But his thoughts did not gain any approval from the jacobins this day either, and Robespierre instead opted to found a journal — Le Defenseur de la Constution — to attack his enemies from instead. When mayor Pétion and Procureur de la Commune Manuel got temporarily suspended from their duties on July 6 and arrested on July 7, for complicity in the demonstration of June 20, Robespierre used number 9 (July 14 1792) of said journal to defend them (in Réponse de Maximilien Robespierre à Jérôme Pétionhe confidently reminded him that ”no one more than me defended you in a more public and more loyal manner, against all the harassment [the court] brought upon you.”) On July 13, when the suspension of Pétion was lifted, ”M. Robespierre, while applauding [the decree], points out, however, that this should be less a cause for rejoicing as there are reasons for the true friends of liberty to grieve the fact that this decree was postponed for a fortnight.”

In Réponse de Maximilien Robespierre à Jérôme Pétion (November 30 1792), Robespierre reported about the following meeting (that Pétion also confirmed when later responding to him) the two had had, roughly a month after Pétion had been returned to duty, on the topic of popular insurrection:

On August 7, I saw the mayor of Paris enter my house; it was the first time that I received this honor, although I had been closely connected with you. I conclude that a great motive brings you; you talk to me for a whole hour about the dangers of insurrection. I had no particular influence on the events; but as I quite often frequented the Society of the Friends of the Constitution, where the members of the directory of the federates habitually went, you urged me earnestly to preach your doctrine in that society. You told me that it was necessary to defer resistance to oppression until the National Assembly had pronounced the deposition of the King; but that it was necessary at the same time to leave him the leisure to discuss this great question with all possible slowness. You could not, however, be sure that the court would adjourn the project of slitting our throats for as long as it pleased the National Assembly to adjourn the forfeiture; and everyone knew that the royalist party was then dominant in the Legislative Assembly; and your Brissot and his friends had delivered long speeches on this question, the sole object of which was to prove that it was necessary to retreat from it, and ceaselessly to postpone the decision. You even know what public disfavor their equivocal conduct had incurred; they saw in it only the project of frightening the court by the fear of an insurrection, in order to force it to take back ministers of their choice. I could have made these comparisons myself; but such was still my confidence in you, and, if it must be said, the feelings of friendship which your unexpected step aroused in my heart, that I believed you up to a certain point; but the people and the federals did not. 

Two days later, the insurrection of August 10 took place. Pétion’s behavior during this night would become a big subject of quarrel between him and Robespierre in the months to come. Two days after the insurrection, August 12, Robespierre begun to serve at the so-called Insurrectional Commune. The power struggle between this body and the Legislative Assembly would it too serve as cause for conflict between the two. Already on Robespierre’s second day at the commune, August 13, Pétion and Manuel came there, having just escorted the royal family to their new prison in the Temple. Giving an account over this mission, the two stated that the place ”did not seem suitably arranged,” and that the king should be kept somewhere else instead. Later during the session, Robespierre claims (I can’t find this recorded in the session’s actual minutes) that Pétion presented a report from the Legislative Assembly to within 24 hours dissolve the commune and replace it by the old municipality, a proposal which got rejected. He would later reproach Pétion for both of these things.

According to J.M Thompson’s Robespierre (1935), on August 17 Robespierre was commissioned by the commune to interview Pétion to get him to co-operate (I can’t find this in the commune’s minutes either). The interview did however not go that well, resulting in the following letter from Pétion to Robespierre, written on August 20:

You know, my friend, what my feelings are for you, you know that I am not your rival, you know that I have always given you proofs of devotion and friendship. It would be useless to try to divide us, you would have to stop loving liberty in order for me to stop loving you. I have always found more fault with you to your face than behind your back. When I think you too ready to take offence, or when I believe, rightly or wrongly, that you are mistaken about a line of action, I tell you so. You also reproach me for being too trustful. You may be right; but you must not assume too readily that many of my acquaintances are your enemies. People can disagree on a number of unessential points without becoming enemies; and your heart is said to be in the right place. Besides, it is childish to take offence over the things people say against one. Imagine, my friend, the number of people who utter all lands of libels against the mayor of Paris! Imagine how many of them I know to have spread damaging reports about me! Yet it doesn’t worry me, I can assure you. If I am not totally indifferent to what others think about me, at least I value my own opinion more highly. No… you and I are never likely to take opposite sides: we shall always hold the same political faith. I need not assure you that it is impossible for me to join in any movement against you: my tastes, my character and my principles all forbid it. I don’t believe that you covet my position any more than I covet that of the king. But if, when my term of office comes to an end, the people were to offer you the mayoralty, I suppose that you would accept it; whereas in all good conscience I could never accept the crown. Look after yourself, let us march forward, we are in a situation threatening enough to force us to think only of the public good. 

As can be seen, Pétion was still trying to salvage the relationship that had begun to deteriorate already in the spring, an effort that Robespierre seemed to share. If we’re to believe Buzot’s memoirs, written in 1793, Robespierre had suggested making ”a solemn declaration on the events which preceded the revolution of the 10th of August” to Pétion, who in his turn ”was willing to lend himself to it, for he had a kind of inexcusable weakness for Robespierre.” But when Robespierre came forward with the finished declaration that, according to Buzot, contained ”a lot of baseness and sweet talk [sic] for Louis XVI,”Pétion did however refuse to sign it, and Robespierre was forced to rework it. In an address from the representatives of the Paris commune to their fellow citizens dated September 1, Robespierre and his colleages also underlined that ”the principal artifice which our enemies employed to destroy us, was to oppose to the assembly of the representatives of the commune the names of Manuel and Pétion, and to claim that our existence is an attack against the authority in which these two magistrates were clothed.” But the relationship was well under way to break down, and the first days of September 1792 would be filled with conflicts between the two, in relation to the so called ”September massacres.” This time it would instead be Pétion who got appalled over Robespierre’s conduct.

Again on September 1, one day before the massacres, Robespierre held a speech to the same Paris Commune opposing the idea of opening the city’s barriers, that, in Pétion’s own words, ”saddened my soul.” […] [Robespierre] gave himself up to extremely animated declamations, to the lapses of a gloomy imagination; he perceived precipices under his feet, liberticidal plots; he pointed out pretended conspirators; he addressed himself to the people, excited the spirits, and occasioned, among those who heard him, the liveliest fermentation. I replied to this speech, to restore calm, to dissipate these black illusions, and to bring the discussion back to the only point which should occupy the assembly.”In Histoire générale et impartiale des erreurs, des fautes et des crimes commis pendant la Révolution française (1797), Louis Marie Prudhomme writes that, two days later, September 3 1792, Théophile Mandar went over to Danton’s place, where he saw ”all ministers, with the exception of Roland, Lacroix, president [of the Assembly], Pétion, mayor of Paris, Robespierre, Camille-Desmoulins, Fabre d’Églantine, Manuel and several members of the so-called Commune of August 10. The presidents and commanders from each of the 48 sections had come as well.” Half past seven in the evening everyone sat down in Danton’s salon to discuss the means to save Paris. Two hours later, Mandar, Pétion and Robespierre all retired to a different room, where Mandar laid out the idea of setting up a temporary dictatorship to stop the prison massacres for the two. Robespierre did however not respond positively, instead crying out: ”Be aware! Brissot would become dictator!” ”O Robespierre,” Mandar said to him, ”it is not the dictatorship that you fear, it is not the homeland that you love: it is Brissot that you hate.”  ”I hate dictatorship and I hate Brissot!”  Pétion meanwhile didn’t say a word.

The day after that, September 4, Pétion and Robespierre found themselves discussing Brissot (who Robespierre on September 2 had denounced as an accomplice of Brunswick at the Paris commune, leading to his house getting searched on the 3rd) once more, this time at the Hôtel de Ville, as revealed through the following part from Pétion’s Discours de Jérôme Pétion sur l’accusation intentée contre Maximilien Robespierre (November 5 1792):

The surveillance Committee launched an arrest warrant against Minister Roland; it was the 4th (September), and the massacres were still going on. Danton was informed of it, he came to the town hall, he was with Robespierre. […] I had an explanation with Robespierre, it was very lively. I still made him face the reproaches that friendship tempered in his absence, I told him: ”Robespierre, you are doing a lot of harm; your denunciations, your alarms, your hatreds, your suspicions, they agitate the people; explain yourself; do you have any facts? do you have proof? I fight with you; I only love the truth; I only want liberty.” ”You allow yourself to be surrounded,” [he replied], ”you allow yourself to be warned. You are disposed against me, you see my enemies every day; you see Brissot and his party.”  ”You are mistaken, Robespierre; no one is more on guard than I against prejudices, and judges with more coolness, men and things. You’re right, I see Brissot, however rarely, but you don’t know him, and I know him since his childhood. I have seen him in those moments when the whole soul shows itself; where one abandons oneself without reservation to friendship, to trust: I know his disinterestedness; I know these principles, I assure you that they are pure; those who make him a party leader do not have the slightest idea of ​​his character; he has lights and knowledge; but he has neither the reserve, nor the dissimulation, nor these catchy forms, nor this spirit of consistency which constitutes a party leader, and what will surprise you is that, far from leading others, he is very easy to abuse.” Robespierre insisted, but confined himself to generalities.   ”Allow us to explain ourselves, I told him, tell me frankly what’s on your mind, what it is you know.”  ”Well!” he replied, ”I believe that Brissot is with Brunswick.”   ”What mistake is yours!” I exclaimed. ”It is truly madness; this is how your imagination leads you astray: wouldn't Brunswick be the first to cut his head off? Brissot is not mad enough to doubt it: which of us can seriously capitulate! which of us does not risk his life! Let us banish unjust mistrust.”  Danton became entangled in the colloquy, saying that this was not the time for arguments; that it was necessary to have all these explanations after the expulsion of the enemies; that this decisive object alone should occupy all good citizens.

In her memoirs (1834), Charlotte Robespierre talks of yet another meeting between her brother and Pétion regarding the massacres, but in her version it is instead the former who accuses the latter of doing a lot of harm. Some  historians have suggested this meeting is the same Pétion is describing above, though if that’s the case I wonder why he doesn’t mention Charlotte anywhere in his account (as well as why Robespierre would even bring his sister with him when going to discuss political matters in a city where a massacre is currently taking place…):

A few days after the events of 2 and 3 September, Pétion came to see my brother. Maximilien had disapproved of the prison massacres, and would have wanted each prisoner to be sent before judges elected by the people. Pétion and Robespierre conversed on these latest events. I was present at their interview, and I heard my brother reproach Pétion for not having interposed his authority to stop the deplorable excesses of the 2nd and 3rd. Pétion seemed piqued by this reproach, and replied dryly enough: All I can tell you is that no human power could have stopped them. He rose some moments later, left, and did not return. Any kind of relations ceased, from this day, between him and my brother. They did not see each other again until the Convention, where Pétion sat with the Girondins and my brother with the Mountain.

In the 1960 article Charlotte Robespierre et ”ses mémoires,” Gabriel Pioro and Pierre Labracherie wanted to dismiss Charlotte’s story, finding it unlikely for her to have been in Paris by early September 1792, almost a whole month before her younger brother was elected to the National Convention and the two went to the capital for that reason. Though I suppose it’s not impossible for Charlotte to have gone to visit Maximilien beforehand, or that she’s simply very generous with what she describes as ”a few days.”

If Charlotte’s friend Armand Joseph Guffroy, who him to moved from Arras to Paris after getting elected to the National Convention, is to be believed, her claim that Pétion and Robespierre stopped seeing each other following the events of September gets muddied as well. In his Les secrets de Joseph Lebon et de ses complices… (1795) Guffroy writes: ”At Pétion’s house, the only time Robespierre took me there; I saw the latter eating a pot of fine jams, which were very expensive at the time.”

Regardless of any jam dinners, it’s clear the relationship was breaking down for real. On October 29 1792, Jean-Baptiste Louvet read his Accusation contre Maximilien Robespierre to the Convention, accusing him of turning himself into ”the idol of the people,” slandering ”the best patriots,” instigating the September massacres and tyrannizing the parisian electoral assembly, all with the goal of setting himself up as a dictator. A week later, November 7, Chabot told the jacobins that Pétion’s wife Suzanne had ”applauded everything Louvet said against Robespierre.”

Both Robespierre and Pétion picked up their pens to write a response speech to Louvet. Robespierre pronounced his to the Convention on November 5, which then passed onto the order of the day, preventing Pétion from holding his. The very same day, Collot d’Herbois exclaimed to the jacobins: ”I agree with Manuel on the comparison that he made in saying that Pétion and Robespierre were the twins of liberty; he meant that they were stars like Castor and Pollux; that they would appear in turn, but I ask that Robespierre be the summer star, and Pétion the winter star.” Pétion did however still wish to get his speech out, so shortly thereafter he published Discours de Jérôme Pétion, sur l’accusation intentée contre Maximilien Robespierre as a pamphlet instead. This is what would truly mark the beginning of the end for the relationship.

Pétion begins by writing that “I had promised myself to keep the most absolute silence on the events that have happened since August 10,” but that, after having heard so many things said about him and being asked for his opinion on the matters so many times, “I will say frankly what I know about some men, what I think about things.”  After explaining to which groups he thinks the insurrection of August 10 was due and to which ones it wasn’t, and deploring of the September massacres, saying that ”I cannot bring myself to confuse glory with infamy, and to defile August 10 with the excesses of September 2” (thereby seperating himself from Robespierre, who his response to Louvet instead argued that the massacres had been the inevitable sequel to the insurrection, and that to condemn one would therefore be to condemn the other), Pétion turns to Robespierre. Having regretted the speech held by him on September 1, through which he, if unintentionally, ”led the commune into inconsiderate moves, into extreme parties,” and reported about their interview on September 4, Pétion brings up Louvet’s accusation that his friend had been aiming at dictatorship. Just like with Brissot, Pétion dismisses these accusations, but this through pointing out the flaws in the designated one’s personality:

Robespierre's character explains what he did: Robespierre is extremely touchy and defiant; everywhere he sees conspiracies, betrayals, precipices. His bilious temperament, his atrabilious imagination present all objects to him in dark colours; imperious in his opinion, listening only to himself, not supporting contrariety, never forgiving those who have hurt his self-esteem, and never recognizing his faults; denouncing lightly, and being irritated by the slightest suspicion; always believing that someone is occupying himself with him in order to persecute him; boasting of his services and speaking of himself with little reserve; not knowing the proprieties, and thereby harming the causes he defends; desiring above all the favors of the people, paying court to them unceasingly, and ringing out their applause with affectation; it is this, it is above all this last weakness, which, piercing through the acts of his public life, has been able to make people believe that Robespierre breathed high destinies, and that he wished to usurp the dictatorial power. As for me, I cannot persuade myself that this chimera seriously occupied his thoughts, that it was the object of his desires, and the goal of his anticipation. 

At the very end of the pamphlet, Pétion publishes an open letter to the jacobins, a place where he, ”since some time have been attacked more or less openly.” Pétion reminds the society of the great services he has rendered it and even that he had saved it during the big Feuillant split one year earlier. He also recalled that Robespierre, unlike him, had been very afraid following this split — ”I saw Robespierre trembling, Robespierre wanting to flee, Robespierre not daring to go up to the assembly… ask him if I trembled. I saved Robespierre himself from persecution, by attaching myself to his fate, when everyone despised him.”

Robespierre answered Pétion in Réponse de Maximilien Robespierre à Jérome Pétion, a text that made up all of number 7 of his Lettres de Maximilien Robespierre à ses commettans (November 30 1792). Robespierre started by regretting having to write what he did in the first place:

What is, my dear Pétion, the instability of human affairs, since you, once my brother in arms and at the same time the most peaceful of all men, suddenly declare yourself the most ardent of my accusers? Don't think that I want to occupy myself here either with you or with me. We are both two atoms lost in the immensity of the moral and political world. It is not your accusations that I want to answer; I am accused of having already shown too much condescension in this way; it is up to your current political doctrine. It would already be a little late, perhaps, to refute your speech: but there is always time to defend truth and principles. Our quarrels are of a day: the principles are of all times. It is only on this condition, my dear Pétion, that I can consent to pick up the gauntlet you threw at me. You will even recognize, in my way of fighting, either the friendship, or the old weakness that I showed for you. If, in this completely philanthropic kind of fencing, you were exposed to some slight injury, it only affects your self-esteem; and you reassured me in advance on that point, by protesting yourself that it was null. Moreover, the right of censorship is reciprocal; it is the safeguard of freedom; and you love principles so much that you will find more pleasure, I am sure, in being the object of them yourself, than you felt in exercising them against me.

Robespierre then goes on to accuse Pétion of in his pamphlet not having treated the Insurrection of August 10th with the respect it deserves, depriving the people and sections of Paris — ”the destroyers of tyranny” — who carried it out of the merit of their service, and to even have done everything in his power to stop the insurrection by continuously telling the sections to remain calm. Then he hadn’t showed up to the Paris Commune until three days after the siege of of the Tuileries, and then to report that the assembly wanted to close the commune and call the old municipality back (”You constantly sighed for the return of your semi-aristocratic municipality. […] The spirit that animated the defenders of liberty frightened you!”) and to ”prove that it was not necessary to lock Louis XVI in the Temple, and that if he did not stay in a magnificent hotel the whole of France would rise up against the commune.”Pétion had even on his own initiative gone to the king two weeks before the insurrection — ”no one knows if it was to convert him or to justify yourself.” Robespierre asks why Pétion seemingly shows more indulgence for the court than for the people behind the insurrection, noting that ”I always believed I saw in you less condescension for the warmth of patriotism than for the excesses of the aristocracy.”

Besides this main charge, Robespierre also reproaches Pétion of not having done enough to stop the demonstration of June 20, which, unlike the insurrection, was driven by ”the intriguers who surrounded you [who] wanted […] to regain possession of the ministry,” of being jealous of him for getting elected first deputy of Paris, which he claims is what caused him to stand for election in Eure-et-Loir instead (”you were unable to hide your sorrow at the very moment; and rather than suffer the affront of priority given to another citizen, you preferred to be chosen third in Chartres, than second in Paris”), making a big deal of having reached the conclusions presented in the pamphlet by shutting himself alone (”Is an author obliged to prove that he himself went into secrecy to compose his works? And aren’t such singular oratorical precautions suspect?”) and interpretating La Fayette favorably even after the massacre on Champ-de-Mars, having guaranteed Robespierre ”a hundred times” of his innocence since he was at the head of the armies. Robespierre claims that it was this friendly attitude that caused Pétion to be elected to escort the king back from Varennes. He fights back against Pétion’s description of his personality — ”I am as easygoing, as good-natured in private life, as you find me touchy in public affairs; although you have long experienced it, and my friendship for you has long survived the processes which most offended my principles” — giving an equally unflattering one in return: ”I guarantee that, far from being sullen, defiant, melancholic, you are the man whose blood circulates most gently, whose heart is least agitated by the spectacle of human perfidies, whose philosophy most patiently supports the misery of others.” He also takes offence over Pétion’s claim that he was afraid during the splitting of the jacobin club and that Pétion saved him from persecution. Robespierre claims that he was persecuted no more than Pétion during this period, and besides, ”why are you more attached to me than to the homeland, or at least to your own honor? And how did you imagine that you were for me a more powerful protector than the public interest, and the sanctity of the cause that I defended?”

Robespierre does however seek to exempt Pétion somewhat. He concludes his pamphlet and recent conduct is the result of him having let praise go to his head as mayor (forgetting that the true heros of history were martyrs) due to being misled by intriguers (the girondins). On August 11 or 12, Guadet and Brissot would even have come over to his place, the latter openly reprimanding him for ”the ease with which you had complied with the popular wish,” accusing him of cowardice and summoning him to stop ”the chariot of the revolution.” This, according to Robespierre, is what caused Pétion to show up to the commune the following day to announce the assembly’s plan to dismantle it and bring the old municipality back.

Pétion wrote back in Observations de Jérôme Pétion sur la lettre de Maximilien Robespierre, released somewhere in December 1792, the majority of which was spent debunking all of Robespierre’s reproaches. No, he did everything he could to stop the demonstration of June 20, and ”I defy anyone to say I brought it about or rejoiced over it.” No, he has only ever spoken about the Insurrection of August 10 ”with admiration and enthusiam,” he will however never conflate it with ”the horrible day of September 2.” No, he did not try to stop the insurrection, he only put an end to a badly organized movement on July 26 that wouldn’t have led to any good, and during the night when it happened he only wrote a circular to the sections (he was kept from going out), recommending them to maintain order and tranquility in general, a circular which the sections appreciated. No, he has indeed rendered justice to the people of Paris for their role in the insurrection, he even wrote outright: it is due to the people. No, he has given the sections the credit they deserve as well, he just said the insurrection would have taken place even without the support from the commissioners sent by some of them. The sections have in fact showered him with proofs of their confidence, and he has kept up a ”fraternal correspondence” with them. No, he didn’t appear at the commune until three days after ”the day of the Tuileries,” he was there already the day after it, speaking of their victory, and when he came there on the thirteenth it was not to put forward a report dismantling the commune. No, it is a lie that Guadet and Brissot came over on August 11 or 12 and scolded him for not having put a stop to the insurrection, they did on the other hand come over the night before and exclaim: the homeland is saved! No, he absolutely did not visit the king in order to convert him or justify himself two weeks before the insurrection (”I couldn’t believe my eyes! […] You know me, and these words come out of your mouth. You read my compte rendu to my fellow citizens, and these words come out of your mouth!”). The king had in fact requested him in several secrets meetings that he refused, he only ever went to see him on official invitations and for business. No, he is not attacking the Jacobins in his letter, he’s protecting them against fights and intrigues which could dishonor them.

Pétion is certain Robespierre knew full well non of these charges were founded, claiming he made them in order to ”indispose the public against me, and make it favorable to you by declaring yourself its avenger. If this is clever, it is neither fair nor just.” He then directs some denounciations against him in turn, starting by regretting the humorous tone used by Robespierre in his response — ”you say of me what you do not think; you say it with bitterness, with passion; you allow yourself sarcasm, irony, mind games beyond all propriety” — and especially that he refers to him by his firstname like that’s supposed to be funny. Where Robespierre accused him of being blinded by ”intriguers,” Pétion reproaches Robespierre of being the ”courtier” of the people, placing himself at the head of whatever opinion that for the moment happens to be popular, in order to remain so himself. That is why he has never gone to a public riot to try to stop ”the excesses of the malicious”, out of fear of making them his enemies, and why he today carasses the sections, even though both he and his friends spoke ill or them during the electoral assembly. It is also the reason Pétion always defended him against the charge that he had had the ambition to become mayor — ”not only would he find himself overwhelmed by often minute details, and above all without glory, but, as one must sometimes know how to resist the aberrations of public opinion, how one must know how to momentarily incur the disgrace of the people, he would never have the strength to tell them that he is in the wrong: he would believe his reputation or popularity lost.” While denying that him standing for election in Eure-et-Loir had anything to do with him being jealous of Robespierre (if the people of Paris didn’t give him the most votes, it was because they found him more useful as mayor), Pétion also critiques the electoral assembly of Paris, which he claims ”was influenced, was dominated by a small number of men,” lifting the fact Robespierre’s brother got elected as a deputy of Paris as an example. Pétion also comes back to his critique of Robespierre’s actions during the September massacres again, seemingly endorsing the idea that he on September 2 had tried to use them to rid himself of his political opponents:

I said that on this occasion you gave yourself over to the excesses of a disordered and dark imagination; that you allowed yourself odious denunciations; that you had gone so far as to denounce as traitors, men that were friends of liberty, whose talents were in your eyes the real crimes, against which you had not the slightest proof, and that this was then to indicate the victims. I now add that in the fury of your declamations, you announced that it was necessary to purge the soil of liberty of the conspirators who infected it; but with a tone, a gesture which was so well understood, that the spectators responded with trembling, and shouted: Yes... Yes, let’s do it.

Nevertheless, he reveals to Robespierre that when one of the many citizens outraged by this wanted to denounce and testify against him, Pétion had stopped him from doing so. Like how Robespierre underlined how he for a long time had defended Pétion and believed his intentions to be good, Pétion too reminds him that ”when I was told that you were my enemy, that you were eaten up with jealousy against me, that you would never forgive me the favor I enjoyed, I defended you with all my soul, I took your side against all odds.” Today, he must however announce that ”I am forced to believe in the baseness and wickedness of your heart,” and he reveals that ”what caused the blindfold to fall off my eyes” was a speech Robespierre held at the Jacobins on October 28, where he says that, the day after the massacre on Champ de Mars, ”I saw Pétion, who then also fought against the intriguers.” Pétion reacts strongly on this choice of wording:

You only uttered one word, and it was more treacherous than a whole speech. You seemed to throw it away accidentally: you said, going back to the time of the Constituent Assembly, that then I was fighting intriguers, and that I embraced the good party, as if I had never ceased to pursue both traitors and enemies of liberty. Don't worry, I won't let them rest. I was well aware of the system of calumny and persecution directed against me; but I thought, I confess, that it would be without result, and I deigned to do so. I believed above all that you were not immersed in this intrigue.

Pétion ends with yet another unflattering description:

I do not think, and I do you this justice, that you are a man to ever allow yourself to be influenced by the lure of riches; but let Pon know how to skilfully caress your vanity; let the most salutary project be presented to you like an intrigue woven by your enemies, like a conspiracy, like a betrayal, your imagination immediately catches fire, you lose yourself in an abyss of conjectures, and you give in to the first panel held out to you. I will show you twenty of your opinions which are absolutely in the same direction as that of the court and of the counter-revolutionaries. If these opinions had been held by anyone other than you, his reputation would be lost, and he would be regarded as a traitor to his country. I saw men of good faith, without any interest who were not your enemies, who said to me: is it possible that Robespierre is sold, I always told them not to worry, but that you had a bad head, and that you lead to the delirium of your imagination. I have always added at the same time that you would sacrifice everything for a quarter of an hour of popular favour. 

Robespierre responded in Deuxième lettre de Maximilien Robespierre en réponse au second discours de Jérôme Petion, that made up all of number 10 of Lettres à ses comettras… He started by telling Pétion that his complaints that he used irony, ridicule and tried to caluminate him seem unjust to him, and that he won’t change his tone for this second reply. Besides, he adds, the friends of the homeland find such few occasions to laugh these days. As for calling Pétion by his firstname, he reminds him that he never did so without adding his lastname as well, and what’s so bad about the name Jérôme anyways?

Turning to countering Pétion’s arguments, Robespierre writes that, even if Pétion does view the insurrection of August 10 as something positive, his conduct during it was still way too moderate. Pétion admits to in the conversation they had on August 7 have wanted to postpone the insurrection until the moment when the legislative assembly would have pronounced on the king's forfeiture, ”that is to say, until the end of the centuries.” He confesses to in the days before August 10 have tried to keep the calm ”and all the reasons that you give to explain your conduct on one of these occasions may well prove that you were a brave man, but not that you were a determined revolutionary, nor a clever politician.” He might not have visited the king on his own initiative, but that’s nevertheless how it came across for all patriots (besides, I didn’t write you had the shame (honte) to visit the king, I wrote goodness (bonté)! Robespierre even argues that the reason Pétion stayed at home during the insurrection was because ”you felt so inclined to oppose the insurrection of the people against the tyranny armed to slaughter them, that you knew of no other way of resisting this temptation than to be kept at home.” Pétion’s debunking of the anecdote Brissot and Guadet scolding him for not having stopped the insurrection, Robespierre counters with the fact it was an ”irreproachable citizen” that gave him the story, one whose word he chooses to believe over that of Pétion’s.

As for Pétion’s debunking of the claim he was indifferent to stop the demonstration of June 20, Robespierre simply doesn’t believe it — ”nothing is easier or better proven.” He ridicules Pétion’s suggestion that he was trying to make him look bad in the eyes of the jacobins, ”as if it was me who had composed the diatribe printed at the end of your speech against me,” and when Pétion himself has barely showed up at the club in the last year — ”Jérôme Pétion is therefore a very high power, since he thus places his sole authority in opposition to the services of an immortal society of friends of freedom; since he dares to present it as a stupid herd led by intriguers, at the head of whom he places me.” Pétion’s anger over the fact Robespierre in a speech held two months earlier is recorded to have said Pétion served the revolution well during the National Assembly (implying he doesn’t anymore), he dismisses since, in the version of the speech given in number 3 of Lettres à ses comettras, no such words can be found. Robespierre likewise dismisses Pétion’s claim that he wasn’t jealous at him for getting more votes to the Convention, reminding him that ”the pain did not even allow you to fulfill the commitment you had made with a very well-known man in the republic, to meet that day, at his home, to dine, with me, for an object which essentially concerned public harmony,” as well as Pétion’s suggestion that the electoral assembly was influenced by nepotism since he could only cite his brother as an example, who, he assures, was elected only due to his own merits. The idea that Robespierre would have  spoken ill of the sections or denounced men at the commune just to have them ”exposed to the knife” during the September massacres he too dismisses as simply slander. It is this last charge that breaks the camel’s back for Robespierre: 

Pétion, this excess of atrocity exempts me from all the consideration that I persisted in maintaining with you; and from now on you will only owe my moderation to my contempt. I abandon you to that of all the citizens who have seen me, heard me like this, and who deny you. I abandon you to that of all judicious men, who, in your expressions, as vague as they are artificial, perceive at the same time the hatred, the lie, the implausibility, the contradiction, the insult made at the same time to the public, to the patriotic magistrates, as much as to myself. Pétion, yes, you are now worthy of your masters; you are worthy of cooperating with them in this vast plan of slander and persecution, directed against patriotism and against equality. But no; I am wrong to get angry with you, whatever your intentions; because you take care to ward off all the blows you want to deal yourselves; and following a stroke of wickedness, I see a hundred ridiculous things happen, which you indulge in on purpose for my small pleasures.

In the last couple of pages, Robespierre jokingly accuses Pétion of during his time as mayor have gotten into his head the idea that France wanted to crown him king and that he, like Caesar, would have to fight this off. ”Good god! We would then have gotten us a king by the name of Jérôme the first! […] If you felt some regrets, who knows if we might not enjoy this one day. You have good friends, who lack neither power nor resources. It is not without reason that they do not want to let us make laws or a constitution, that there has not even been a question of the declaration of rights yet; that they work, with marvelous skill, to kindle civil war, and to plunge us into anarchy; who knows if France will not be obliged to come back to your knees and ask you to dictate laws to it?” He then addresses Pétion as you would a king throughout the rest of the letter, calling him ”sire” and ”your majesty.”

This was truly the final nail in the coffin for the relationship. In number 1 of the second series of his Lettres à ses commettans (January 1 1793), Robespierre regretted the earlier constant tying together of him and Pétion, now viewing it as an attempt of his enemies to undermine him:

In the past, I still remember, Brissot and a few others had entered into I don't know what conspiracy to make my name almost synonymous with that of Jérôme Pétion; they took so much trouble to put them together. I don't know if it was for love of me or of Pétion: but they seemed to have plotted to send me to immortality, in company with the great Jérôme. I have been ungrateful; and, to punish me, they said: since you don't want to be Pétion, you will be Marat. Well, I declare to you, monsieurs, that I want to be neither. 

The trial of Louis XVI, which had been ongoing at the same time as Pétion and Robespierre’s breakup exchange, provided yet another moment for the two to oppose each other, with Pétion suggesting the Convention first discuss whether or not the king should be judged, a question deemed quite unneccessary for Robespierre, who instead wanted to see the king executed right away, without any trial. In a speech to the Convention held December 3 he lamented the direction Pétion had led them in:

Today Louis shares the mandataries of the people; we speak for and we speak against him. Who would have suspected two months ago that it would be a question here, whether he was inviolable? But since a member of the National Convention (citizen Pétion) presented the question, whether the King could be judged, as the object of serious deliberation, preliminary to any other question, the inviolability of which the conspirators of the Constituent Assembly covered up his first perjuries, was invoked, to protect his latest attacks. O crime! O shame! 

When Robespierre a few weeks later, on December 28, defended himself against the charge of having belonged to ”the cabal of Lafayette” (just your typical convention workday) he nevertheless exclaimed: ”I attest to my former colleagues, Pétion, Rabaud, and many others, if I had any connections with this faction!” When the time had arrived to finally decide the former king’s fate, Pétion voted for an appeal to the people, and for death with the so called Mailhe amendment, calling for a postponement of the execution, while Robespierre voted against an appeal to the people and for immediate execution.

On January 27, six days after the execution of the king, Pétion was struck from the Jacobin club’s list of members, on the suggestion of Monestier. Two months later, March 26, Pétion and Robespierre were both elected for the so called Commission of Public Safety, alongside 23 others. The commission, which consisted of both fervent montagnards and fervent girondins, was however off to a rocky start, and already on April 6 it was put to death and replaced by the Committee of Public Safety.

Four days after that, April 10, Robespierre spoke for long at the Convention, denouncing the girondins as ”a powerful faction conspiring with the tyrants of Europe to give us a king, with a sort of aristocratic constitution” led by Brissot. The girondins were the successors of Lafayette, accomplices of Dumouriez, Miranda and d’Orléans, and supported by William Pitt, who had dishonored the Insurrection of August 10 and wanted to flee Paris with the king, tried to cause civil war by calling for an appeal to the people during the trial of said king, as well as having ”depressed the energetic patriots, protected the hypocritical moderates, successively corrupted the defenders of the people, attached to their Cause those who had some talent, and persecuted those whom they could not seduce.” Robespierre ended with asking that the Revolutionary Tribunal be charged with setting up a trial for ”Dumouriez and his accomplices” as well as for the Orléans family, Sillery and Madame de Genlis. Pétion’s name got mentioned outright four times in the speech, Robespierre accusing him of being the friend and defender of the general Francisco de Miranda, arrested since February 1793 after a failed siege of the city Maastricht and later denounced as an accomplice of Dumouriez.

Two days later, April 12, a stormy exchange played out between the two former friends at the Convention, after Pétion had asked that François-Martin Poultier be censored for making a personal suggestion when meant to speak in the name of his committee of war. Several variants of this exchange can be found throughout the different journals. Here is the one given in the Moniteur:

Robespierre: I demand the censure of those who protect the traitors. (Pétion rushes to the tribune, some murmurs rise)  Robespierre: And their accomplices.  Pétion: Yes, their accomplices, and you yourself. It is finally time for all these infamies to end, it is time at last for all this infamy to end; it is time for traitors and slanderers to lay their heads on the scaffold; and I pledge here to pursue them to death.  Robespierre: Answer the facts.  Pétion: It’s you I will be pursuing. Yes, Robespierre will have to be branded at last, as the slanderers used to be. 

The Mercure universel:

Pétion: I ask that the rapporteur be censored; instead of the committee's opinion, he allows himself to report his own to mislead the public. We must punish the conspirators. Robespierre: That’s you. (applauds from the tribunes, cries of indignation in the assembly) Pétion (runs to the tribune; unrest): It is finally time for all these infamies to end, it is time for the convention to be respected: I will pursue the slanderers, the traitors! Robespierre: Where are they? Pétion: You!

Journal de Paris:

Pétion asks that this member be censored, for having expressed an opinion that the Committee of War had not directed to him. Here Robespierre interrupts Pétion, and the interpellation he made, which we did not hear, was undoubtedly very lively, because Pétion flew to the tribune, and in a voice more vehement than he ever used in the two Assemblies of which he was a member, he complained of this system of slander adroitly directed against the true friends of liberty, by these people who thus believe they are hiding, at the moment that they will be discovered, the plots that they themselves have formed. He thunders against these informers who, without proof, pile denunciations on top of each other, without ever proving any of them. Pétion concluded that all denunciations should be signed, under penalty of being subjected to the same contempt as their authors.

Le Logotachigraphe:

Pétion: I demand censure against the rapporteur who allowed himself to overstep the powers he had received from the committee. Marat: I ask that we pursue the traitors. (noise) Pétion (flies to the tribune): I will indeed ask that the traitors and conspirators be punished (interrupted by boos from the stands. Part of the assembly stands up and shows its indignation: the president is summoned to remind the stands of respect.) The president: I have called the tribunes to order several times, and I call them again at this moment, to the execution of the law which prohibits any sign of disapproval and approval, and I conjure them, in the name of public safety, to remember that all is lost if the National Convention does not retain its liberty. Pétion: It is impossible (murmurs) to tolerate this infamy any longer. It is impossible for an honest man to restrain his indignation when he sees that men who should keep the most profound silence; that men who are marked with the most infamy dare to insult him with this audacity. Yes, I intend to pursue the traitors; I intend to pursue the slanderers, and I tell all of France that Robespierre must either be punished or branded with hot iron on the forehead as a slanderer.

Le Thermomètre du Jour:

Pétion calls for censure against Poultier for having expressed an opinion tending to mislead the public. It is necessary to underline, said Robespierre, that one is trying to save the traitors. Immediately Pétion, going up to the podium, said: ”It is impossible for an honest man to tolerate any longer the system of slander and disorganization that I see followed with a constancy that only great interest can give. Yes, I will fight against traitors and slanderers. In the end, either I must be punished or Robespierre must be branded with the hot iron with which ancient peoples branded slanderers. Even before the existence of the convention, people had already formed the wish to slander it, to outrage it, to degrade it, and some people have continued to follow this system. I ask what more our enemies would have done? Aren't these the real enemies of the republic? I will never compromise with despots, and if the enemy were at the gates of Paris, we would see which are the brave false ones, and which ones are the courageous republicans!

Pétion then went on a long rant about the need to punish the traitors, before denouncing Marat. Robespierre responded that ”I will be permitted to respond to your calumnies,” to which Pétion, according to Le Logotachigraphe, replied the following way:

I would like a written struggle to begin here, because words are elusive; I would like the indictments to be recorded in writing and the answers that each person submitted to put their head to be heard in writing, and I would then ask that whoever is found guilty loses it. I do not claim to be constantly engaged in a struggle, neither with lungs nor with screams, nor with insults and insults; all this means nothing: this is not how free men justify themselves: free men act with perfect integrity. I am not asking here for imprecation or approval; but I ask for peace and quiet; I ask above all that we do not allow ourselves these indecent accusations, a thousand times more atrocious than facts. We have already fought in writing with Robespierre; he knows that I know him, and certainly, I am doing him a kind of justice here. At the constituent assembly, for example, Robespierre behaved well, and I admit that I have never been convinced why he changed. (Long uproar.)

Later the same session, Guadet used Robespierre’s former friendship with Pétion as a weapon against him apropos of getting accused of being an accomplice of Dumouriez: ”Can’t I say to Robespierre: You have had liaisons with Pétion, but you accuse Pétion of betraying the public sake.” […] Well! Since you have had liaisons with Pétion, I can therefore conclude you have been in on his projects. Why then do you start by suppose me to have liaisons with Dumouriez, which is false, and conclude that since Dumouriez has turned traitor I must be considered one as well?” In the defense he wrote a few months later, the girondin Gensonné similarily stated: ”in 1791 and 1792, Robespierre had the most intimate liasons with Pétion, Buzot and Roland, how can he accuse them today without accusing himself?”

Pétion made good on his promise to start ”a written struggle,” as he soon thereafter released yet another pamphlet, this time by the name of Réponse très-succinte de Jérome Petion, au long libelle de Maximilien Robespierre (1793), a 14 page long work where he answered Robespierre’s attack from the 10th. Robespierre didn’t respond to it thank god.

On May 17, Desmoulins presented his 84 pages long Histoire des Brissotins, ou, Fragment de l'histoire secrète de la révolution, et des six premiers mois de la République to the Jacobin club, a pamphlet we know Robespierre had had a hand in through a note inserted in one of Desmoulins’ later publications. In total, Pétion’s name got mentioned a total of 22 times in the damning work that painted him and the other ”girondins” as royalists, accomplices of Dumouriez and in the pay of foreigners. They had been leading an anglo-prussian committee working for the military failure of France, which they wanted to divide into 20-30 federalist republics, or to overturn the republican government altogether, and to set up the Duke of Orléans as monarch. For Pétion’s part, Desmoulins threw suspicion on the fact that he, during his trip to London after the closing of the National Assembly, had been accompanied by Madame de Genlis (the cousin of the duke of Orléans), her niece Rose-Henriette Peronne de Sercey and daughter Pamela, ”that we can call the three graces, and who pressed his virtuous and fortunately incorruptible knee; and wasn’t it upon his return that he was appointed mayor of Paris?” Desmoulins also picked up Robespierre’s criticism of Pétion’s attitude towards the insurrection of August 10, but this time he got accused of not only not having wanted the event to take place, but also to have signed the order for the Swiss guard to fire on the people. He was also claimed to have received 30 000 francs per month from Dumouriez in order to ”throw away the foundations of the republic” during his time as mayor.

Desmoulins concluded that the establishment of a democratic republic wouldn’t happen before ”the vomiting of the Brissotins from the bosom of the Convention,” and on May 26, a week after the pamphlet’s publication, Robespierre had reached the same conclusion, telling the jacobins that ”the people must rise up. This moment has arrived.” Three days later he repeated himself — “I say that, if the people do not stand up as a whole, liberty is lost, and that only a detestable empiricist can tell them that there remains another doctor than themselves” — and two days after that, the insurrection of May 31 took place, which ended with the Convention on June 2 issuing arrest warrants against 29 of its deputies and two ministers. One of these 31 men was of course Pétion, who was placed under house arrest like the others. It was however a very loose one, and many of the proscribed managed to get away. On June 24, Jeanbon Saint-André could report to the Convention that Pétion had escaped, after which he suggested bringing those still remaining under house arrest to actual prisons, a proposal which Robespierre supported.

Having gone underground (while his wife, child and father all got arrested and his mother-in-law executed), Pétion occupied himself with writing, both his memoirs as well as Observations de Pétion, a constructive criticism of the poem Charlotte Corday, tragédie en 5 actes et en vers, that his fellow runaway Jean-Baptiste Salle had penned down. ”Barère and Robespierre,” Pétion wrote in these, ”are known for being the greatest cowards on earth. In my view, the trick is Barère's distinctive character. Robespierre is no less perfidious; but what distinguishes him is that in danger he loses his head, he discovers in spite of himself the fear which torments him, he speaks only of assassinations, only of lost liberty, he sees the entire Republic destroyed in his person, whereas Barère, more dissimulated, without being less cowardly, is always coldly atrocious and preserves until the end the hope of succeeding.” Buzot, who was hiding out alongside Pétion, did on the other hand recall the latter’s former fondness of Robespierre in the memoirs he at the same time was working on: ”there was this great difference between Pétion and me — he had a particular deference for Robespierre, and I had an invincible aversion for this man who had the face of a cat.”

Robespierre for his part had no nice things to say about Pétion. On March 21 1794 he reminded the Jacobins how Lafayette, Pétion and Dumouriez had all conceived ”the terrible project of starving and enslaving [the people]” but that luckily these ”monsters” had now fallen. A few days later, April 1 1794, he shut down a proposal that the recently arrested Danton be allowed to come and defend himself before the Convention by pointing out that this was not the first time a former ”patriot” turned out to be a traitor  — ”And I too was a friend of Pétion; as soon as he unmasked himself, I abandoned him; I also had liaisons with Roland; he betrayed, and I denounced him. Danton wants to take their place, and in my eyes he is nothing more than an enemy of the homeland.” Finally, on June 27 1794 he talked about yet another conspiracy, and regretted that it would be hard to make ”so many horrors” perceptible to the people that once ”were seduced by the Lameths, the d'Orléans, the Brissots, the Pétions, the Héberts.”

On June 17 1794, Pétion, Buzot and Barbaroux left the garret in Saint-Émilion where they since five months back had been hiding out, after the people taking care of them had gotten arrested, and set out into the countryside. When in the next day some people approached, Pétion and Buzot took flight once more while Barbaroux unsuccessfully tried to blow his brains out and was captured. Eventually his friends decided to take the same way out. It is unclear when exactly this double suicide took place, tradition placing it on June 18 and Michel Biard, in the book La liberté ou la mort: mourir en député 1792-1795 (2015) instead dating it to June 24, having consulted two doctors with expertise in the field. Regardless, on July 8 1794, the Moniteur published the following letter from the Popular Society of Castillon that had been read at the Convention the day right before:

Citizen Representatives, our search has not been in vain. When we annonced to you that the scroundel Barbaroux had been taken, we assured you that his accomplices Pétion and Buzot would soon be under our control. We’ve got them now, Citizen Representatives, or rather they are no more. The end which the law prescribes was too good for such traitors; divine justice reserved for them a fate more fitting to their crimes. We found their bodies, hidden and disfigured, half eaten by worms; their scattered limbs had been devoured by dogs, their bloody hearts eaten by ferocious beasts. Such was the horrible end of their still more horrible lives. People! Contemplate this awful spectacle, the terrible monument to your vengeance! Traitors! May this ignominious death, may this abhorred memory make you recoil with horror and shudder with terror! Such is the terrible fate which sooner or later will be reserved for you. Signed The Sans-Culottes of the Popular and Republican Society of Castillon.

By the time the letter reached Paris, Robespierre had already stopped showing up at both the Convention and the Committee of Public Safety. But he probably still found out about what had happened, if not through the letter to the Convention, then through another one written to him on June 30 by Marc Antoine Jullien, representative on mission in Bordeaux, asking ”to raze to the ground the houses where Guadet, Salle, Pétion, Buzot and Barbaroux were [hiding], [and] transfer the military commission to Saint-Emilion, to there judge and make perish on the spot the authors or accomplices guilty of hiding the conspirators.” While we lack the sources to say anything really substantial about Robespierre’s psyche, it is nevertheless interesting to speculate if the news of his former friend’s horrible fate (as can be seen from the letter to the Convention, it isn’t even explained that Pétion and Buzot had committed suicide before getting mauled by the animals) was a contributing factor to Robespierre’s growing isolation from public life and deteriorating mental health during his last month alive…

[alchemillalost]

The Season 8 Destiel Meta Post Nobody Asked For (and why I think the writers had a Destiel endgame option in mind for season 8)

Okay, so here's the long version of this post that almost nobody wanted, but I'm writing it anyway. This is LONG. I'm sorry. And I want to start with it seems like s8 is polarizing, but I rather liked it, and I think it's because I live in the (delusion?) truth of this theory. Stay with me if you want to Believe too. I think Season 8 was written with two possible outcomes in mind; and with an endgame Destiel being the more likely of the two that the writers anticipated. Sounds insane, I am aware. You will need to stick with me here and extend some trust, but I promise I can show my work.

We need to set the scene: It's 2012. We are launching headfirst into the height years of tumblr fan culture. Gangnam Style grips the nation. Destiel is huge in fanfiction & tumblr land. However, interestingly, we're about two years past show's peak. Already once SPN was slated to end with S5's natural arc conclusion, but it didn't-- it was renewed because it was making the CW money, simple as. They have pushed on into the Sera Gamble era with Seasons 6 and 7, which have their respective flashes of brilliance, but all-in-all generally struggled to find footing in the post-Apocalypse Supernatural verse that was never actually planned for. It's pretty evident that the writing and plotting isn't nearly as tight as S1-5, simply because 1-5 was all mapped out from the get go.

It's been interesting returning to the fandom after a decade, because I'm finding a lot of people now who really liked Season 7. No hate, to each their own, and maybe it was just the circles I was in at the time, but in the moment S7 wasn't received well at all. It felt like they kept inflating the "big bad" to heights that sometimes struggled to get fully fleshed out (which, to be fair, continues to be a writing problem going forward). And while watching S7 in Netflix binge-mode it doesn't feel quite so bad, at the time having a year's worth of your fave TV show where Sam and Dean are systematically and pointlessly stripped of everything that gave the show its signature personality was nothing short of torture (killing Cas, the Impala, torching Bobby's place, killing Bobby), all in the name of more man-pain. All of that punctuated with a lot of filler episodes that felt like more misses than hits, the absolutely insufferable Amy Pond plot, and dick jokes just because the writers thought it was funny.

Everyone's opinions on S6-7 aside, though, Supernatural wasn't landing financially for the CW either. Season 5 aired on Thursday nights, which is a fairly well respected time slot for established and successful shows, but with Season 6 and 7 we see a demotion to Friday night, 9 PM ET. This is basically the kiss of death for a cable TV show. You sent your shows to Friday night to die. The CW was looking to the future with newer shows and the writing was on the walls that this circus was probably wrapping up soon.

However, in true Supernatural fashion, it wouldn't fucking die. Honestly, and I can only speculate here, I imagine such a die-hard and still-growing fanbase coinciding with a huge spike in social media + ease of access to fan spaces with the surge in commonplace smart phones/laptop computers is probably what kept performing CPR on this show.

So along comes season 8. The show is being passed to Jeremy Carver and Ben Edlund as a returning writer to head up the show. Other people have discussed the Sera Gamble era in depth, but what you need to know here, basically, is that the Carver/Edlund mind are ones that a) have not shied away from queer themes and b) are a lot of those Destiel classics. We're talking Ghostfacers, The End, My Bloody Valentine, On the Head of a Pin, The Man Who Would Be King (Carver), and Free to Be You and Me, Point of No Return (Edlund). Essentially, Sera's philosophy tended to be "strip it back to just the Winchester brothers" and Carver & Edlund were generally more open to having the surrounding cast of supporting characters. And these two definitely don't shy away from Dean & Castiel's relationship.

Here is where my theory gets a little speculative: I believe this is the point where where SPN was given one last hail mary by the CW. New writers and a Wednesday night slot, you have one more chance to make this work, otherwise you're getting the axe. It was renewed pretty late, in early May of 2012 (compare to S6 being announced Feb 2010). S7 had barely scraped its renewal in late April the year prior, too.

Okay, so let's put ourselves in that position for a moment as showrunners sitting down in the Supernatural writer's room in May of 2012. There are two things that might happen: 1) you just might pull it off, and you do such a good job you pull the show from the proverbial grave or 2) you don't pull it off, and you need to make sure the show ends on a satisfying note that wraps things up neatly. And you need to write and film a season that, until you get the yes or no from the CW, can do either and both or neither, and you may need to pivot in one direction or the other pretty quickly while you're filming the back half of your season.

Enter the Destiel endgame theory, which I believe was their scenario 2. Time to introduce the exhibits from the season.

General: Flashbacks. I wish they'd explored Purgatory more too, but it would've taken up too much time if they might have to fast-track a series finale later. (Also Amelia should've been all made up in Sam's head to cope with losing Dean but again, different post. Maybe it became a time constraint to explore too much too, if they thought the show might be ending.)

The evidence:

8x01 We Need to Talk About Kevin & 8x02 - & What's Up Tiger Mommy? We get flashbacks of Dean tearing Purgatory apart to find Castiel. When he finds him, he makes it clear he's coming back to Earth with him.

8x03 - Heartache- This episode focuses on the love between an immortal being and a human.

8x05 - Blood Brother - Benny/Queer Dean discourse deserves its own post. You can take or leave this one for this post's theory.

8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin - 1) Dean is clearly hiding a boner when Cas gets out of the shower? 2) We introduce that Dean is deeply upset that Castiel didn't make it through the portal-- to the degree he's faked an entire memory because he'd rather it be his fault Cas is gone than have been abandoned by him

8x08 - Hunteri Heroici - Castiel wants to join Dean as a hunter; we're beginning to establish Castiel's genuine desire to spend his life with the Winchesters. This is then juxtaposed when Naomi forces him to stay away at the end of the episode, further telling us this is Cas' desire vs. Heaven's.

8x11 - Larp and the Real Girl - This is mostly a fun episode, but it's an example of queerness being gently nudged to the forefront of plots without immediate dismissal or being the butt of a joke-- rare for SPN at the time.

8x13 - Everybody Hates Hitler - Ah, the Aaron "He was my Gay Thing" moment. Dean leans all the way into the flirting. Does not give the "don't swing that way" speech, gets flustered, is at a loss for words. He appears disappointed later when he was wrong. This has little precedent on the show when Dean's been perceived as gay, he usually dismisses it very quickly.

February 11, 2013: Supernatural is renewed for season 9, a week after Everybody Hates Hitler airs.

Per these estimates, 8x18 is the next episode to be filmed post-announcement, beginning 2/12.

8x16 - Remember the Titans - A Forbidden Love plot. You can take or leave this one for this theory.

8x17 - Goodbye Stranger - OK, here is our inflection point for editing, in my opinion. The last month of eps, more or less, have been pretty trials-centric or one-off. This episode airs 3/20/2013. At this point, we know we're getting a season 9, but we've been building with all of the above, and this ep was filmed pre-S9 announcement... so much so that we have an "I love you" in the original script for the infamous crypt scene. I fully believe it was filmed and edited out in post.

Second, Castiel turns the walls of Naomi's office/lobotomy lounge the bi pride colors during the crypt scene. Someone on the crew at Supernatural literally tweeted that morning to be on the lookout for special choices in Naomi's office. It was very intentional. Why else pick these colors and declare they're intentional? (I have searched up and down for this tweet but it was rare i was there i remember it [the tweet] all too well please trust me)

UPDATE: Tumblr hive mind found it and it was Jerry Wanek saying they were… crosses? In the intersecting lines in the windows? (that's how lines work? lol) And it was amidst a spell of saying fans were reaching in their analyses, and though some of his replies have that tinge, it's not direct about the color commentary. I never saw the back half of that saga or forgot about it, didn’t mean to misrepresent anything! Either way I’ve been corrected but that office is still bisexual and you can’t tell me otherwise

And don't get me started on the "unicorn" stuff, that one person you'd throw everything away for (but I understand this can be interpreted in many ways) However, the season is renewed, we've picked the path they never thought they'd actually pull off-- now we've got to backpedal this Destiel just enough to not impact our precious CW bottom lines, but not piss off our faction of fangirls who watch to ship.

8x20 - Pac Man Fever - Charlie tells Dean she thinks Castiel seems "dreamy". Charlie is very gay and would only say this to elicit a reaction from Dean, we don't really get much of one. Again, lack of a "speech" on his sexuality.

*Note 8x18 Freaks & Geeks and 8x20 Pac Man Fever are filler eps, I think they could've been pulled if we needed the extra time to sprint toward a series finale*

8x21 - The Great Escapist - 8x23 Sacrifice- We hit a real fast escalation toward the season finale from here. I actually think this overarching plot was more or less always the idea for the ending, but how exactly it was executed depended on the renewal status.

The Alternate Series Finale Ending (That I believe they thought they'd have to do when they wrote it): If they hadn't gotten renewed, we are set up for Sam to close the gates of Hell and Metatron to use a spell to close Heaven using the heart of a nephilim (product of human + angel love), the bow a cupid (an angel that arranges love in humans), and the grace of an angel in love with a human. Hell and Heaven shutter up, Sam dies, and Dean is left with a human Castiel who has, for the better part of the season, already been "testing out" being a hunter alongside Dean and has literally moved heaven and earth to have this. He will not have to be the immortal doomed to love a human, as in 8x03, or have the forbidden love of 8x16; we receive resolution on those subjects for our heroes that the monster-of-the-week characters did not. They resolve their feelings for each other, because if we kept Dean's crypt "I love you" and we establish Castiel's grace was in love with a human... well, what else is there to say? (Oh, yes, and they did exactly this and pulled the Destiel trigger in S15 when it was all ending.)

The Actual Ending (That I think they got surprised about the renewal and had to do): Backpedal. Edit. Only drop little subtext again. We just need Castiel's Regular Grace TM for this spell. We can keep selling merch and con tickets and get views if we appeal to the widest audience possible, and we're not taking risks now that we've performed a literal miracle rescue from a Friday night 9 PM slot.

And once we start Season 9, we get a LOT of being hit over the head with Castiel & Dean's Heterosexuality TM, so much so it's awkward and even out of character. (Human Cas sighing about boobs in early s9? Like please. Get real.) It's a HARD left turn, but it makes more sense if you consider it all in the context above. I just don't think they'd have gone in so hard on the bullet points I listed if they had thought Season 9 was in the bag.

TL;DR: I think we might've had Destiel in 2013, but if we had, we wouldn't have also had the rest of the seasons. Whether or not that's a good thing is up to you, but I think it was a combination of a lot of external factors, capitalism, and, well, it being 2013, sadly. I think they were cowards about it, but at the same time, even the writers probably weren't pulling every string, they also needed to answer to other agendas. Television is a medium that is rife with the push and pulls of a thousand factors that aren't the pure story. Idk how to really wrap this, but this has been over ten years in the making so enjoy the fruits of my brain rot.

[fandomzwriterk]

I want to request Yandere Scott Summers x reader. Basically they are in a situation where they get into a situation where they have to fake date, but they are not in an actual relationship but Scott is yandere for the reader. I think adding the yandere into the story add so much more drama into it lol.

A/N: for you Mon Ami, I’ll do it. (Damn it I can’t stop talking like Remy thanks X-Men ‘97)

Warnings: cursing

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

(Yes I listened to Friends by Marshmello while making this… and I might’ve been playing Ghost of Tsushima too…)

“Scott!” You heard from behind you

You turned your head, seeing Jean Grey walking up to you and Scott Summers while you two were out in the town for a little fun break from “work”.

“Jean? What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

“No I just… I just wanted to see what you were up to. I see you’re pretty much free so would you like to go out for dinner?”

Jean ignored that you were there, standing right next to Scott, looking at him with a “what the fuck” kind of glance. He was conflicted, but looked Jean up and down before saying anything.

“Not interested Jean.”

“What? But I thought you liked me?”

“Still undecided about it. Now if you don’t mind I’m with another friend at the moment.”

He ushered you away, walking down the sidewalk grabbing your hand and pulling you along.

“Scott this joke… it’s causing a rift between you and Jean.”

Scott stopped, letting your hand go and watching you pull away from him.

“I’ll admit it, it was fun but I can’t keep doing this to Jean. You know we’re not actually in love right? I like Remy remember?”

“Right… Remy. I forgot about that.”

He looked disappointed, most likely disappointed in himself for agreeing to help you and then let it get to his head.

“Remember all I wanted was to make him jealous because he was pining for Rouge? I still want him Scott. We’re just friends, you and I.”

You felt bad, you really did. Scott was a good friend to you all these years and now it felt like you were betraying him and his trust. You could see the hurt behind those ruby glasses, you always could.

“I’m going to head back now. I think I need to clear my head.” Scott spoke bluntly, turning away from you to walk down the alley and into the darkness

You sighed, feeling a sense of worry and dread creep up your skin. But, you still felt true to your heart, knowing you had feelings for Remy despite “dating” Scott. So, you walked along the street to head back to the X-Men Mansion.

“My cherié what are you doing out at this time?” You hear behind you

You spin around, hiding your face by looking down to the ground as you noticed Remy following close behind you.

“Remy! What’re you doing here?”

He shrugged, walking up to you to walk right next to you. His charming smile made your heart beat so fast you thought all your blood was rushing to your face.

“Well I came here lookin for a very fine lady that I can take out to dinner tonight.”

“And you picked me? Why not Rouge?”

“Don’t worry about her my little lady Mister Remy Lebeau has you all to himself tonight.”

You could swear you were dreaming and even if you were, you sure as hell didn’t want to wake up.

“Now come on this way cherié. I’ve got plans at a place Gambit thinks you’ll like.”

And he held his hand out to you, waiting for you to grab it. Shyly, you took it, noticing Remy pulling you closer to him as he started to walk, you keeping pace with him.

“I take it Scott’s never done this before right?”

“Hm? Oh Scott? No we’re just friends. I could never love him that way.”

“Huh. Miss Jean says you and him were together. She’s been trying to get him to pay attention to her, but he’s got his eyes set on something else.”

“Well, I don’t feel the same way. If anything I like-“

And you just shut your mouth before you could say anything else to embarrass yourself. Remy looked to you, his crimson black eyes giving you a mischievous look, his smile was practically a grin that said “I’ve got you right where I want you” and you were trying so hard to not pay any attention to it.

“Go on cherié. Don’t stop now Gambit wants to hear what you were gonna say.” He teased

“Never mind I’ll just-“

Remy pulled you closer, your side right against his as you looked up, staring him in the eye. He knew what he was doing, and maybe he was reading your mind. Oh how you didn’t want him to see the things inside your head.

“Does somebody want to tell me something?”

His behavior had you melting, way harder than your dumb acting with Scott could ever do. Remy made you feel something, something that “dating” Scott can’t give you.

“I want to say a lot of things but I can’t find the words.”

He chuckled, putting a hand to your cheek while the other still held onto your hands. He caressed your face, resting his fingers behind your head and continued to stare into your eyes.

“I love you cherié. More than anything. Yes… more than Rogue and more than myself. You are so perfect to me my dear.”

You used your other hand, pulling Remy down for a kiss, feeling him ease the tension in his body as he held you against himself, feeling your chest against his as you two stared into each others eyes.

“Maybe I’ll take a relaxing night in bed with my cherié over dinner. How does that sound?”

You shook your head, no words coming out as you felt your brain just slowly turn back on. Remy kissed you! He actually did! So, that’s a victory for you isn’t it? Well…

“Y/N!” You heard

And it was Scott, just standing a few feet away almost in the middle of the street. Granted it was night, but he looked like he didn’t give a shit in this moment.

“Get your hands off of her Remy.”

“No chance mon amí. Finders keepers.”

Scott came running, Remy slightly pushing you out of the way as Scott took Remy down to the ground. Scott’s hand was around Remy’s throat, pushing him down hard into the pavement.

“I said she’s mine.”

That line came out of Scott like a feral growl. What was going on with him?

“And you… you don’t listen to a damn thing I say do you? You’re mine you get it? You may not love me but I love you, so you’re mine as long as I’m around.” He growled at you now

Remy looked between the two of you.

“So you used her to get over Jean well congratulations Scotty you did just that. But trust me my friend…”

Remy put a hand on Scott’s shoulder, both men staring each other down like they would kill each other over you. At least Remy would do it to protect you, like right now.

“You ain’t gonna like this when you wake up.”

And Remy sent Scott flying back with a small blast of his kinetic energy, getting up and grabbing your hand to pull you along. You could hear Scott screaming and yelling with anger.

“Bring her back right now Gambit! She’s mine! All mine! Not Jean! Her!” You heard him yell

A/N: continuation? I guess we’ll have to see. I almost made a reference to my Trailblazer X-Men OC and I just went “fuck I haven’t said that yet in my other story”. Anyways I hope you enjoyed!!

[sensitivehandsomeactionman]

Rewatched 1x03 Dead in the Water (this is a really long one, so I added a "read more" break)

This episode 100% gobsmacked me in the face with Jensen's beauty all the way through. It's unreal, shocking. There's a simple mystery story, but the real mystery is how anyone can have a normal conversation with that face in the room? Thank you, Kim Manners.

Thank you also for the bleak mood of the story. Several unsolved deaths and a failing dam; the townsfolk seem puzzled and depressed in their dreary surroundings. It has the aura of a deteriorating Rust Belt town already mourning its impending doom.

Sam is impatient to follow the (nonexistent?) trail to Dad. Dean has to persuade Sam to do the monster of the week as this town is vaguely "along the way." Silly excuses for a MOTW aside, I do like that character-wise, pretty consistently throughout the series, Dean is a "trust the process" guy. When he's at a loss, he'll revert to the familiar steps of the hunt till there's another lead or inspiration hits. Very workman-like. (By season 7 it morphs into a more existential "fake it till you make it" survival strategy.)

We move on to them hitting the road in the gleaming Impala. Flirty Dean at the diner becomes flirty Dean at the sheriff's office. Andrea isn't buying what he's selling, and we get a little light comedy. Sam's "Name three children that you even know" is a nice bit of misdirection to imply Dean has no connection to kids. We and Sam are about to learn differently.

Sam's research uncovers that Lucas witnessed his Dad's death, setting up a parallel to Dean's loss of Mary. Dean's attention gravitates to Lucas, and his empathy opens a window for us into Dean's own childhood trauma. When Lucas gives Dean a drawing, I feel like Andrea's look of surprise towards Dean mirrors our own. Maybe there's more to him than that brash beauty.

There's a hint that Lucas has premonitions -- I love that they're laying the groundwork for premonitions, soon to be significant for Sam -- and can give them clues through his drawings. Dean's confession about being scared and thinking his Mom would want him to be brave is delivered with honesty, almost matter-of-fact. It's all the more poignant. I think it easily taps into how we all remember the loneliness of childhood sadness as well as the instinctive desire at that age to make our parents proud. This time instead of Andrea we get to see Sam register surprise at this reveal from Dean.

Giant Sam is able to pull nude Andrea from the haunted bath. I'm a bit distracted by the technical need to not reveal too much of her body, and I can't help but worry about actresses being put into those circumstances during filming. More memorable is Dean saving Lucas because of that emotional connection between them. I love the physicality that J2 imbue into the action, especially when they're clearly doing their own stunts. 

The first two episodes seemed to be pulling Sam into a reckoning with his past, and while he's not the emotional center of this episode, he's our proxy. Sam is seeing his brother in a new light. It's the same when you're a young adult, re-examining your childhood memories and finding a new perspective on and context for things you long took for granted to be true.

The two brothers together pulling a dead child's buried bicycle from its grave is a chilling visual on loss of innocence, and a fitting metaphor for how their work is unburying their own past along their way to rediscover Dad, their family. And the message here is that the violence didn't stay dead and buried; it needed to be acknowledged and reckoned with to stop the cycle. Psychologically satisfying.

Some echoes from the previous episodes: bathtub danger, creepy ghost kids, bereft and fatally flawed parents, a grateful pretty woman giving Dean a farewell kiss, a rock song sendoff. Toy green army men are connected to Dean's childhood. It was fun to see Amy Acker, as I really enjoyed her in Angel.

I love the melancholy of this episode. The filming is intimate and assured, full of dark rooms, quiet conversations, and grief. Noir shadows highlight Dean's stunning face, which I continue to gif in attempts to hold onto that wonder a few seconds longer. I love all the groundwork this episode lays for the mytharc while being a satisfying standalone ep. Jensen's acting with Lucas, and Jared and Amy's reactions to Dean bring an unexpected, deeper dimension to Dean. The story has begun to roll on the Getting-to-Know-Dean track, and I'm always ready to hop on this ride.

[ackerfics]

i carry your heart with me (i carry it with my heart): gojo satoru

— i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

gojo satoru x reader

notes: first time writing for jjk and it's for our pretty boy !! based on that one b-99 scene between jake and amy

being on the same year level with gojo satoru means having to put up with the spontaneity of his man-child tendencies. while it is true that he is the pinnacle of the entirety of the jujutsu society from his first wail to the world --- a god amongst mortals; tipping the equilibrium with his very existence, there are moments embroidered in between his rambunctious nature that makes him almost human. key word being almost. such as betting on the most random missions to prove a point like regular teenagers.

"am i going to regret this bet, suguru?" you ask the person yaga assigned to be your pair in capturing the rest of the 2nd-grade curses loitering around the area, with the possibility of a 1st-grade intermingling with them, which puts the entire chase into a total of nine curses. you two are in one of the more desolated areas of tokyo, having split up from the usual group of four your school boasted since the start of first year.

before starting the circle of exorcism your group is about to unleash on these curses, satoru used this opportunity to dangle a proposition between you two, a tradition before embarking on a mission.

it goes this way this time: if he exorcised more curses than you, you're going to do anything he wants (nothing sexual, but judging from the grin on his face, you nearly shivered). he emphasized his words with those black sunglasses of his reflecting your astounded face. you instantly felt the world cave, because your life is on the line. why would you ever date such a person who has no regard to safety and is always known to be obnoxious to the point that you wished you were never a jujutsu sorcerer in the first place? however, if you win this round (which you never won since the first time you two started this whole charade), he's going to be a bit more honest with you. for other people, your condition is as simple as letting impulsivity carry on their choices; but for satoru, it's a moment of weakness. you were left stunned when you saw the tiniest budge of hesitation flicker on his face, almost as if he knew what you meant in your conditions, but just as quickly as you saw it, it vanished. so, he wears false confidence like a second skin and accepts the bet with a handshake, partnering up with shoko instead of suguru. he said something along the lines that you need all the help you can get and that because he's so good, he's going to give suguru to you to at least even out the two parties. what an asshole. he doesn't even give you a chance to utter a rebuttal because he vanished in thin air with shoko waving and pumping her fist at you.

"well," suguru draws out the word.

you throw him a look. "oh, come on, i know that tone --- i'm going to lose my monthly allowance, right? i know he's going to ask me to buy anything sweet he can find on our next mission."

suguru hums with that smile of his, never dimming, never fading, and always warm to the touch. he takes out one hand from his pocket and pats you on the crown of your head. "i'm with you on this one."

you look up at him. "what?"

"i want to see satoru stop all this dancing around he's been doing with you. i mean, the rest of us are even confused if he really does hold feelings for you or not. i think it will do him some good for once in his life."

you look down on the gravel, your hair doing its job covering your features.

ever since you introduced yourself to the other first years in the tokyo branch of jujutsu high, satoru has always sparked this inexplicable interest surrounding you. you like to think it's because of your upbringing, being from one of the more noble jujutsu families who bears the technique of forming contracts with curses, very much like how suguru goes about his technique. the difference between you and suguru lies in the fact that most of the curses your family has made a contract with are special grade, embodiments of the japanese folklore rather than the regular blobs and flies; and that everything is consensual between the sorcerer and the curse. so, stepping inside the room housing three other teenagers like yourself, the flare of your cursed energy captures their attention, one of which possessing the legendary six eyes, having sparkled like no other the moment he placed them on your figure. this rather random fascination of you he had since day one morphed into something that of courting, as yaga once called it (quite so done with it actually), since the boy started calling all the most absurd adjectives and phrases and attached them to your name. beautiful, pretty, heavenly, utterly graceful, stealer of my heart, owner of my attention ... darling, honey, kikufuku, mochi ... anything exhausting really. everything was so abrupt and out-of-the-blue that you had no time dwelling on when this all started.

you now want it to stop.

it doesn't do well because it's blurring all the lines you've drawn between you and your classmates. you don't even have the time to think about the number of times a passerby remarks how wonderful of a couple you two look (any elderly people really) and gojo would boast that yes, my girlfriend is so beautiful and i am lucky enough to have her, ma'am; we started dating last year; it was love at first sight --- you just want to punch him.

then comes the unexpected, lingering touches he brushes against your skin; a pinky finger intertwined with yours, his hand lightly hovering at the small of your back, his knuckles caressing your face and remarking how you look nice for the day, an invading hand tucking a stray bundle of hair behind your ear, nearing his face so that you can whisper something to his ear without any difficulty, and anything that sets your heart ablaze. not to mention he looks at you with something indescribable; eyes reflecting you and only you and sunglasses sliding from the bridge of his nose. it's all softness, no rough edges like how he is with suguru or shoko, and he treats you as such. he once mentioned you are his haven, the only person he doesn't mind turning his infinity off for and the only person to touch him without having the need to let him know.

"i think it won't be good for him if he tells you how he really feel," suguru's voice takes you away from contemplation. "at most, you would benefit from it as well." you turn to him and he wraps an arm around you for good measure. "i want my friends to find solace in our bleak part of the world. and hey, if you two do get together, i will be so proud!"

"yeah, right."

"i would!"

your two groups are tied.

the last curse is right at the end of the intersecting alleyway and what sets your blood pumping is the figure of gojo running from the opposite entrance, shoko cheering for him at the back. great, he managed to convince shoko that his conditions are worth supporting. you grit your teeth and you push forward with more speed that you ever did in a physical activity. god, you're definitely going to feel the repercussions of pushing yourself too hard after this.

feeling the taut connection of your contracted curse, you summon her, "amanozako, go."

the image of a beastly woman slithered from within you, hungry to satisfy her cravings of lesser curses. you watch with narrowed eyes as gojo laughs, teleporting himself closer to the last curse you four have on the list.

then, the most bizarre thing happens.

you somehow reach the curse first than him, leading to your contracted curse to swallow the target in one swoop. she disappears from view and you can only see him --- standing there with a huge grin on his face, the sky of his eyes shining brighter than a beacon.

you blink, breath shuddering from all the running. "w-why--?"

gojo shrugs. "you have it first."

"but you're faster."

he glances behind shoko, who knowingly nods her head. his eyes flicker back at you. "i like you."

all air seems to escape you. everything is silent and all you can hear is the thudding rhythm of your heartbeat. you're pretty sure you look like an imbecile with your mouth open in shock but with the way gojo stares at you from over his sunglasses, one will think he's staring at the most pulchritudinous being he has ever laid his eyes on --- the first blossoming of spring in april. because even with the others lingering in the background, gojo has his six eyes focused on you. you can't even manage to utter a word when he repeats those three goddamn words that will haunt your daydreams.

"i like you, [name]. i'm willing to lose against you if that's what it takes to say my feelings. figured this is the better route compared to the cowardly one i wanted."

"thank me, you idiot!"

"ignore her," gojo casually says after hearing shoko's words, his steps taking him closer to you with his hands snug inside the pockets of his slacks. once he stops in front of you, he takes one of his hands from his pants and brushes the back of his knuckles over your cheek. butterflies seem to bloom on the areas where he leaves behind his wordless declarations. "so, what do you say, sweetheart? wanna give this a shot?"

[ruthplaysthesims]

📩 Simblr question of the day: Choose a sim of your own that you consider your/a fave, then choose one sim from three (or more!) different simblrs, now imagine what those sims would be like in a room together? Who's walking out first? Who's staying the longest? Who would get along? Who wouldn't get along at all? Elaborate as much or as little as you'd like :) (p.s please feel free to share this to others, anon or not, and feel free to use the hashtag " SQOTD "! I love seeing everyone's answers and reading them makes my day ~ 💛 )

AHA SAY LESS!!!!

My sim of choice (and everyone's fave boi): TYSON BLACKWELL!!

The other OCS I choose:

@living-undead's Zaria Dimmer

@matchalovertrait's Dulce Alegria

@pralinesims' Aaron <3

Okay the scene:

Tyson walks into the room finding 4 chairs around the table. He just casually takes a seat and begins to wait. Not too long after, Dulce walks in, sees Tyson and hesitantly takes a seat. Tyson, being the friendly lovable man he is will strike up a conversation and Dulce begins to feel at ease. He may or may not mention the fact that he was watching diced junior (*looks at Amy*) and was rooting for Dulce to win.

A few minutes later, Aaron (in all his fabulousness) walks into the room like the sexy mf he is, takes a seat and scans the area, looks at the two, may strike up a conversation (or stay quiet and watch) we do not know.

And then comes Zaria. Girl doesn't even want to be here. She doesn't like the vibes one bit, she loathes just how bubbly Tyson is (wait till she finds out about his career as a secret agent...) Questions why Dulce is here and you'd think Aaron would be the one she gets along with, but nope. She thinks he's too cocky for her taste.

Tyson might stay a little longer, mostly to get to know the people in the room. He gets along really well with Dulce (she's a sweetheart). With Aaron, it's like a mutual respect kinda thing (don't bother him, he won't bother you) However, there is only so much one can take when it comes to Zaria's constant judgement. Aaron respectfully tells her to SHUT THE FUCK UP! Tyson thanks him. She gets angry and walks out.

one down, three left. The three seem to be getting along quite nicely. Dulce is constantly asking for fashion tips from Aaron, and he gladly answers them, making Tyson smile.

Time has passed, and Aaron has to go, leaving the first two that walked in alone. Dulce is happy she met a fashion icon and hopes Zaria is okay. Sure she was a biatch, but giving her a dose of her medecine did not sit right with Dulce (this child is too pure!!)

Tyson, though he disagrees with her, won't say that to her face and just pats her on the head. Dulce receives a message from her mom, who's come to pick her up. She smiles and hugs Tyson, glad to have made his acquaintance and of course encourages him to come visit her family's bakery. Tyson smiles and waves her bye, staying all alone in the room before walking out.

I loved making this!! and i really hope I was accurate with you guys' OCs @pralinesims @matchalovertrait and @living-undead. If not, I'd be more than happy to rewrite it :)

[bobbydagen24]

what sorta story do you want to see in the next Christmas Special? assuming there is one.

so this is kinda a combo of both what you'd like to see but also what you think is a more likely option so no Kismet and Bro zone at war with each other stories as fun as those are cause we kinda know they won't be happening at least not in a Christmas Special. anyway I do think it is fairly likely and would make for a nice little story maybe just Branch over stressing himself trying to make sure his first Christmas with his Brothers back is "" Perfect "".

but of course despite his over planning family Drama strikes maybe JD and Bruce get a bit petty and competitive over the family board games.

Clay keeps rearranging things in certain ways that he's used to organising things and Poppy and Viva keep getting crazy ideas for other fun stuff they could all do that don't mesh with Branch's planned out day. anyway in the end things all end up a mess due to the family chaos and Branch maybe loses his Rag a little with everyone. stating that he used to dream when he was a kid about having these big family special occasions and he just wanted a normal family Christmas for once given how many he spent without any of his family in his life.

only for him to go off somewhat upset but I feel his Brothers would go after him and apologise for the day not panning out like he wanted but also kinda light-heartedly point out that this is how these things usually go. back when their family was together their special occasions were always crazy and disorganised as hell and also Bruce would probably point out its the same every year with his other family. to steal a quote from one of my favourite episodes of Brooklyn nine nine where Jake and Amy's parents meet and chaos ensues I like to imagine Bruce's pep talk to Branch being somewhat similar.

Bruce= "" Hey Branch you know how you said you always wanted to have a big family Christmas? well I have a wife 13 children two parent in laws 4 Brother in laws 3 sister in laws and overall 16 nieces and nephews by marriage who spend every Holiday together I had the kind of family that you always dreamt of "" awkward silence. Branch= "" oh are you done? that seems like a really mean place to stop talking but you seem to be taking quite a long pause "" Bruce= "" when we were all together it was a Huge mess I can't tell you how many special occasions I've spent in the Hospital but that's part of what it means to have a big family like this one ""

I could maybe imagine something along these lines for some good old emotional Trolls cheese.

also FR tho I Hope it gets acknowledged in the next Holiday special how big something like this would probably be for Branch.

given so far since the first film he's had one Christmas that he spent with Poppy that being Holiday in Harmony ( don't forgot the first Holiday special doesn't actually take place at Christmas )

but before that he presumably spent every special occasion doing his own thing in the Bunker alone which is sad AF when you think about it especially when he was a kid 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

so the next specials gotta acknowledge how different this would be for him finally spending Christmas with a family in his life again when it hasn't been that way for him since he was a friggin baby.

like Daaaam if that don't make his Bros feel bad about themselves then I don't know what will.

@incurable-bookkl3pt0

[yeenobabino]

I know y’all really liked my Metal Sonic AU (Flesh and Blood), so I thought I might bring up another idea I’ve had for a while. This time based off of the movies.

There isn’t really a big twist in this one, but I’ll put a spacer for spoilers anyway.

In the second movie, we learned that the owls and echidna were at war after the owls stole the master emerald from the echidna. We also learned that the entire tribe Knuckles was from was killed, either by Longclaw or all the owls.

Longclaw says it was to protect the universe from the echidna, but it really seems like the echidna were protecting it as a sacred possession as well. Besides, they created it.

This is all to say what if Longclaw isn’t telling the truth?

I thought about an AU where Sonic was kidnapped by the owls for his power, and Longclaw is overprotective of him because she doesn’t want him to go into anyone else’s hands. The owls claim that taking Sonic and the master emerald is for the greater good, but really it’s for the benefit of the owls.

The events would play out just like in the movies for the most part, this is just what’s happening in the background.

-

Since this was so short, another idea I had along those lines is where Sonic had met Tails and Amy (and maybe others) before being sent to Earth. They were friends, but he didn’t see them often because Longclaw didn’t want him out in public. He’d occasionally sneak out to see them.

As time passed, Sonic forgot about them since he was much younger then. Amy always held out hope that Sonic would return someday. Tails was left to fend for himself once more, which led to a feeling of abandonment from Sonic.

Instead of Tails intentionally tracking Sonic like in the movie, he’s tracking a power source that he finds out is Sonic when they encounter each other. Tails immediately lashes out, to Sonic’s confusion. It takes a while before Sonic realizes it’s Tails, since he’s older now. The two tails are the giveaway, obviously. It takes a bit of convincing, but they eventually settle their differences and reconnect.

And then there’s all the Knuckles stuff and I didn’t really think about anything beyond that.

I think Tails is conflicted. He doesn’t resent Sonic, he’s just frustrated that he disappeared without warning. He takes it out on Sonic because he doesn’t know how else to deal with how he feels. It’s easier to blame Sonic. At the same time, he really missed Sonic, and he’s happy to find him alive. That’s why they’d probably make up pretty quickly.

Amy probably helped him out, since they both were friends with Sonic. But I don’t think the bond he had with her was the same as the one he lost with Sonic. She didn’t really get him the way Sonic did.

I think they were all probably too young to find Longclaw suspicious for being so possessive over Sonic, but they definitely found her annoying when she’d come to take Sonic home after catching him sneaking off.

-

I hope you like this one just like the Flesh and Blood AU. I don’t really have a name for this one. Also I’m not sure if I explained it well.

[krafterwrites]

Ok, time for the one post I'll make about Sonic 3 itself now that it's out. Since there's already a full recording of it available online, I'm going to write down my "live reactions" (I already know basically everything that's going to happen, but I'm sure there's at least one or two small surprises left) below the cut so I can get this movie out of my system and move on

The first lines of dialogue are a "Cops love donuts" joke. Off to a great start

A gambling ad popped up right as Shadow broke out and started attacking people gljkdfgh

4 minutes in and they've already used the leitmotif of Live And Learn 3 times

Shadow being sopping wet and miserable is pretty cute

Ace already said this but wow they really did ruin the "Talk about low budget flights line", Sonic saying it feels soooo unnatural and shoehorned in

Unless it's for a really good sequence, I don't understand the point of playing a licensed song for literally 10 seconds

Wow the opening fight with all three of them against Shadow is super short

I'm glad that the gun isn't just for show and he actually gets to use it

I seriously cannot get over how stupid Shadow coming from a meteor is, the entire POINT of his character is that he was created. He was born to be the ultimate lifeform, to be a cure for Maria, to bring hope to humanity. Him just randomly showing up instead of specifically being created undermines his entire identity. Also, Gerald creating Shadow is incredibly important to his identity as well. It's almost impressive that they managed to fuck up so much with a single decision

The dialogue has already made me cringe a few times but that was definitely the worst instance so far. I wish they would stop

YIPPEE OFFICER DOWN!!!

Walters having a photo of Team Sonic in his jacket that was taken like 5 minutes beforehand so Rockwell can pick it up to illustrate that she thinks Team Sonic killed him is kind of strange and unnecessary

I thought that the show Eggman was watching was another gambling ad for a second

Eggman said boobs. Sure why not

I forgot that they're allowed to swear a bit

I thought they were going to reference Among Us when Stone said imposter. I wish they did, it would've been an actually acceptable pop culture reference

I'm kind of torn on the flashback montage with Maria. It feels a little too silly and lighthearted, but it is cute to see her and Shadow do a bunch of childish stuff together

However, her not being terminally ill and also not spending her entire life in space is dumb. Those are both very important to who she is, and consequently, who Shadow is (he was initially made to be a cure for her, and her love for the planet that she never got to see is what motivates him). I know both of these are consequences of them making Shadow come from a meteor, but there was literally no reason for them to do that, especially considering it messed up him, Gerald, AND Maria. Why would they make that choice when it doesn't add anything and has such a high cost

The Biolizard puppet is cute, though. They should've actually included it (along with Rouge, Amy, and all the other things they omitted), but I guess it's better than nothing

Oh god Gerald is here. I was thinking "So far this isn't as hard to watch as I thought it would be" but it's probably going to get significantly more painful soon

That was a Family Guy cutaway gag

How is a bunch of loose popcorn still in pristine condition after 50 years of sitting out in the open

That was a bad fourth wall joke. Also get on it, this has been going on for like 2-3 minutes

So if we're meant to believe that Shadow's quill is what kept Gerald alive, can Shadow basically just grant people immortality at will? Or is there really just no explanation for him living longer than any human should be able to

I'm glad that the scene of Eggman and Gerald doing stuff together in VR didn't go on for that long, because it felt like the scene of them meeting felt so dragged out

For a split second I thought the music was using the leitmotif of Dreams Of An Absolution, but then I realized that its Green Hill

The puppet only has like 15 seconds of screentime but it's still SO unnecessary

Shadow saying "revenge guac" is stupid but it did not make me cringe like some of the other lines have so far

Tom using the hologram tech to disguise as Randall... Not my place to speak so I'm not going to say anything, but I don't think that was a good idea

Pointless extended bit of Jim Carrey doing comedy with himself number 3. And I know there's at least one more after this. Why did they have to focus on him so heavily

YESSSSSS thank you Shadow, we all wanted to see that happen. Keep up the good work

I hate that Wade got to appear at all, but at least his screentime is brief

It sucks that we just get Gerald saying "It's not about what Maria wanted, it's about what they deserve" to convince Shadow to get revenge, because that's the opposite of how he motivated Shadow in SA2, he made it seem like revenge is what Maria wanted

When I first saw the commander trying to wrestle away the gum through a leak, I laughed my ass off. It's so stupid. Also I knew they would be cowards and not actually show her getting shot, but it's still annoying

Maria not actually getting to say her last words to Shadow, on top of him not being made by Gerald, really is a one-two punch of completely destroying his SA2 characterization (and his characterization in general). It's insulting to Maria too, how do you manage to take away agency from a character who's entire narrative purpose is to die for the sake of another character's backstory

Also, now that the plot has moved into space, I can say with even more certainty that there truly was no reason for them to use Tokyo and London instead of San Francisco. The only thing gained from using Tokyo is the Chao cafe, and the only thing gained from using London is about a minute or two of basic pop culture references. I'm pretty sure they only picked them because they're two of the most famous cities in the world, which is dumb

I hate that Shadow's arc is about letting go of anger and not seeking revenge, that's completely different from what his story is in SA2, they're barely comparable even on a surface level. His actual arc is about being unsure of who he is and why he exists, being used as a tool for revenge by Gerald, and eventually breaking free of that programming to discover that he was created to bring hope to humanity

The Eggman vs Gerald stuff is the stupidest shit ever, and it's made even worse by the fact that it keeps interrupting the Sonic and Shadow scenes

I hate to say that when I first saw Gerald's death through a leak, I (involuntary) burst out laughing. It's supremely stupid and I do not like it, but it's just so absurd that it's hard not to react in some way

The moon thing kinda makes me mad tbh. This movie loves to make references to iconic things from SA2 instead of actually adapting them

The finale is pretty cool visually, but conceptually, it's a really big downgrade from the original. It's comprised of a super form battle between Sonic and Shadow, a cartoon slapfight between Eggman and Gerald, Sonic and Shadow easily blasting through a bunch of GUN Hunters, them blocking the laser while it gets steered away with an actual steering wheel, and then Shadow physically pushing the ARK away by himself. SA2 featured everyone except Shadow working together to reach the deepest part of the ARK as it hurtled towards the Earth, Shadow rushing in to fight the Biolizard while Sonic and Knuckles neutralize the core's energy, and then Sonic and Shadow being forced to go super after the Biolizard fuses itself to the colony in order to continue Gerald's plan, ending with them both using Chaos Control together to put it back in place

I was going to write a summary after I finished watching, but honestly, Eggman took the words right out of my mouth when he said "It's been a real drag. Thanks for nothing" and then died in an explosion

[roseunspindle]

I get the feeling Jack and Castiel's redone heaven is a very different thing, besides no walls...

Like, it gives you thing's you want right?

So Dean of course wants Sam so even though it didn't seem like a long drive at a simple bridge stop, Sam's there.

Cas and Dean meet up soon after as well. It's not totally clear what happens between them, but they are running bar together shortly after and have their own house. It's odder when Benny, who was pretty sure he was morosely wandering Purgatory, a tiny amazon child in tow, then their walking out of the endless woods and come upon a bar. Dean's smile is radiant when he see's Benny, and so many things when he see's little Emma. In short order Benny has a spot behind the bar beside Dean while Castiel entertain's Emma with colorful drink parasols. (Jack show's up because he wishes to meet one of his siblings.)

Dean is somehow not surprised when Sam show's up with (he mocks delightedly) a vertaible harem. Madison apparently knows asl a bit and she and Eileen haven't stopped signing yet (Castiel joins in) Jess and Sam keeping giving eachother goopy eyes while Amy and Gabriel chat verbally. (Sam admits he already got to see Sarah, but that obvoiously her husband and daughter are with her.) Dean wonders if it's very selfish of him to be glad Sam's Amelia is nowhere to be seen.

Amy never speaks to him or acknowledges his existance. He accepts that as his jus deserts.

He isn't upset, like he thought he might be when Hannah comes in. (He does make a face at Balthazar but Bathazar makes a face right back so he thinks that's cool)

Jimmy and Amelia show up, and Cas, Sam, and Dean are happy to regale the two of all they know of Claire's life and accomplishments. Sam being the most recently dead knows the most. He and Jimmy get especially soppy over memories (and pictures) of Claire and Kaia's wedding.

Time probably passes. Dean, Benny, Cas, Balthazar and Hannah, little Emma in tow go home and return. They go on walks and drives. Sometimes he and Sam get together for a "just us drive". Sometimes Adam comes with. It's...slow going, but Dean and Sam try and Adam tries...Adam becomes much, much happier when a morose and apologetic Michael shows up. Dean figures he can't throw stones about ones eternal partner...(but he really wants to) (granted he also wishes Gabriel would stop with the eyebrows. He doesn't care if Sam is technically and old man...that is his baby brother why are those eyebrows waggling!) (Lenore who has also come by, her own bar coming into being directly across the street from Dean's, does the same thing. Sam looks delighted and helpess at all his loves. Lenore is a love he didn't even ever consider...but she's hear now and Dean whines because he was the brother with the vampire significant other...Sam's just copying him...) (This doesn't stop him from teaming up with the former trickster for an epic prank war.)

Henricksen makes his way to the bar. Along with sweet Nancy. Dean actually squeaks a bit when Benny gestures her behind the bar. He thinks he feels something like twelve with his first crush with her. It's something so very new and he thinks he likes it. Henricksen "I think you can call me Victor these days" drops by every now and then. He's on Dean's team for the prank war. (Nancy and Hannah get along great)

Dean, Sam (and Adam once he's introduced) are giddy when Henry Winchester arrives.

The real Meg Masters comes in at one point. Sam and Dean thank her again for trying with her last breaths to help them, she tries to aplogize for her angry ghost self but gives up with a happy laugh when they stick their fingers in their ears and sing until she stops. She has nothing to ever apologize for.

John and Mary come in...things are strained between them all. A lot of hurt...a lot of disappointment clouds their interactions. Emma tries to bite John's ankle.

Ash opts to live part time and the roadhouse and part time at Dean's bar, which mysteriously named itself Thursday's Child at some point. Dean also obediently goes to visit the roadhouse at Ellen and Jo's demand. Jo never work's at Dean's bar...but she does eventually make her way home with him and the rest. (Sam points out that he can't mock his number of significant other's anymore.)

Andy Gallagher, when he shows up, shepherding a scowly blonde goth girl and a sweet looking girl in front of him, zeroes in on Sam. He becomes Lenore's bar's resident "guy who sleeps on tables" but often follows Sam home. Lily (who made Sam look like he wanted to cry until the girl awkwardly kicked his shin and told him he tried and it wasn't his fault) and her girlsfriend mostly hang out at Lenore's when they pass through.

One person who goes to Sam's house, not the bar is Barry, the boy Sam had been friends with at Truman, not looking much older than when they were there. It's heartbreaking to think on. Sam does cry, when Barry knocks on his door one day. Interestingly enough, when he heads out to spend time with his friend...Sam is a child again for that time.

One day, when Dean takes a walk alone, he meets a young man. He knows him. Amy Pond's son. Dean accepts his earned censure and if Amy and he are with Sam, Dean know's he won't be seeing his brother that day.

Crowley, really, Fergus Macleod, shows up. He's on a bit of a time share with hell, he can't always be in heaven, his past as a demon being a bit problematic, but gets visiting rights.

More people come, Claire and Kaia, Garth (Dean no longer has any reservations about hugging Garth). Bess, Gertie, Little Cas and Littler Sam, Little Dean...a variety of folks that the winchesters or other's they know drop in and out. It's often busy and crowded and Dean is never truly alone.

It's Heaven.

[lilyevanstan1325]

❤️ Built For This World ❤️

Chapter 4

I've been here at the farm for almost 5 days so that means that sweet, defenseless little girl has been out there for a week.

Sophia has not yet been found.

I really hope with all my heart that she is still alive.

We all hope so.

Last night before going to sleep Carol updated me a little on the situation.

Daryl and the others are still busy searching and it seems that the archer has found a good lead to follow.

And damn, despite everyone's efforts, Daryl really seems like the only one who really cares about this whole thing.

He spends entire days searching every millimeter of these woods, following every possible path.

Spending all his strength.

Carol tries not to show it but even an idiot would notice that her mental state is in full decline.

And the night, poor woman, she spends every night crying.

How do I know?

As accommodation they let me sleep on the floor of Dale's RV since neither I nor they have an extra tent for me.

And just when the woman thinks everyone is sleeping she gives vent to all her pain.

And honestly I don't know what to do.

I have often thought about getting up to console her but I have always stopped, not because I am insensitive to her pain but because I don't know what to say to her.

And I'm sure that my words don't even help her.

She just needs her little girl and not my stupid words of circumstance.

I even thought about offering myself for the research but there is a small detail that stops me.

Daryl.

He hates having me around and I don't think he would ever accept my help or even my company.

So I avoid being around him.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm settling with the others quite well.

Everyone is very kind to me, except for two obvious exceptions.

Daryl, precisely, and Shane.

I try to stay away from the latter.

Really away.

Apparently the man can only tolerate me if I remain at a safe distance from him.

And who am I to disappoint him?

For the rest I get along with everyone.

A good relationship is being established with the women, they are all very polite to me and try to include me in the group.

To reciprocate their kindness I continually try to get busy.

I help with the fire, with the preparation of meals, with the perimeter guard shifts and with everything I can.

Like now.

Me, Lori, Amy, Carol and Andrea are making breakfast for everyone this morning.

Maggie and Beth, the farmer's daughters, kindly gave us some eggs and even offered to help us out.

So all together we are trying to set up something decent, at least for the men who will soon leave to resume the search for Sophia and for those who will leave for a quick reconnaissance down in the city in search of further supplies for the winter that will soon arrive.

A gust of wind makes me shiver.

Even if during the day the temperatures are still quite high, in the morning the air begins to feel increasingly cooler.

I shrug, rubbing my hands along my arms to try to get some warmth.

“Summer?Summer, dear can you hear me?”

I snap out of my thoughts at Carol's voice.

I look up from the bowl full of freshly picked peaches.

“Sorry Carol, tell me”

Carol raises an eyebrow as she takes a few steps closer.

"Everything is fine?This is the third time I've called you.What's going on inside that little head of yours?” she asks me kindly, keeping her voice low so as not to be heard by the other women.

I shake my head, smiling weakly.

Just like my mother, she always seems to know when I overthink about something.

Maybe this is a super mom power?

"Nothing.I was wandering”

I shrug indifferently at the end of the sentence.

I don't want to give her any more worries.

She's already had enough of it.

“Mmh mmh” she murmurs, unconvinced, grabbing a knife and taking the peach that I turn over and over in my hands.

I also take a knife, grab another peach and follow her, imitating her gestures.

In silence we begin to peel the fruit and cut it into small pieces.

The sweet smell of peaches makes my mouth watering.

Behind us we hear Amy and Beth giggling.

For just a moment it's as if everything were normal, as if we were just a group of friends intent on preparing breakfast.

There is no death, there is no pain, there are no dead people brought back to life.

There is peace, calm.

But the reality is very different.

We're just a bunch of strangers trying to get ahead.

Not to give up.

We're just trying to survive.

We're just trying to make sense of this fucking world.

“Did you talk to Daryl?” Carol asks me, feigning indifference.

I sigh, closing my eyes and trying to stay calm.

That evening after having...I don't even know how to define it...argued?

After having that brief confrontation with Daryl I was very nervous and I couldn't keep it from her.

I told her what had happened and how I felt.

Nowadays I still don't understand Carol's reaction.

“Don't mind what he told you.Daryl isn't that good with words” she replied smiling.

Her look seemed amused but I decided not to investigate further.

But from that moment on I had the impression that she was pushing me to resolve the issue with the man.

Which obviously I've always avoided.

He stays away from me and I have nothing to say.

He looks down every time our paths cross and I don't complain.

I do not want to create problems.

I'm new and I just want to earn my place in the group without bothering the others.

“Daryl and I have nothing to clarify”

Saying his name makes my stomach clench.

“It's okay Carol, we avoid each other and we're all happy” I whisper.

At least he is.

Carol shakes her head but she doesn't say anything else.

More giggles catch our attention, making us turn around.

Amy and Beth seem to be talking to each other, constantly glancing to their left.

So I decide to follow their gazes to understand what it is.

And a little further on there is him.

Daryl.

He seems busy checking something inside his backpack.

He is wearing a pair of black jeans and his ever-present sleeveless shirt.

This man appears to be insensitive to the cold.

The muscles in his arms bend sinuously, swelling with every movement.

Muscles that have nothing to do with exhausting sessions in the gym.

Oh no...

His body is built only by his struggle for survival.

Apparently the archer's past life was not very different from the one he leads now.

Hunting and rural life have always been part of his life.

Or at least that's what Carol and Glenn told me.

After a few minutes he crouches on his knees to check some arrows, the powerful muscles of his thighs seem barely contained in the constriction of his jeans.

He cocks his head to the side and grabs an arrow, studying it carefully.

He checks the tip with his fingers.

For a moment I remember the strength of those fingers closed around my wrist as he dragged me with him into that woods.

My heart does a somersault remembering the warmth of that hand, the strong grip of his calloused fingers.

“Do you stop, please?”

Andrea has an amused frown on her face as she scolds the two girls who don't stop giggling and continue to throw mischievous glances at the unaware Daryl.

"What?" laughs Amy, Andrea's sister, as she approaches me to hand me some dishes.

Her young blue eyes shine like lapis lazuli.

Amy throws her head back laughing heartily.

“Don't tell me I'm the only one here?” she replies, turning to all of us, indicating the man with a nod of her head.

I look back at Daryl and a shiver runs through me.

Carol giggles.

Andrea's eyebrows raise dangerously upwards.

"What?" Amy repeats again crossing her arms over her chest.

“He's sexy as hell” the girl admits candidly, triggering more giggles.

“He's rude” her sister immediately replies.

“That doesn't mean he doesn't have a perfect ass, look there.Right Beth?” she asks, turning to her friend.

Beth giggles again.

“You know Amy, your sister prefers guys like Shane” her friend supports her.

Wow.

What the fuck?

Really.

Just one word.

Eew.

Lori from her spot shifts her weight from one foot to the other as if she is uncomfortable.

Her and Andrea exchange a fleeting glance, full of tension.

Which I can't fully understand.

“Well, he may be rude but Amy's right.If I had been a little younger I wouldn't have wasted my time”

I turn my head sharply towards Carol shocked by her spicy revelation.

Seriously Carol?

With her words she attracts everyone's attention.

Her dreamy expression is focused on the ass of the archer, bent forward intent on raising the crossbow lying near his feet.

I drew my bottom lip between my teeth and bit it nervously.

The response from the other women doesn't take long to arrive and in fact another chorus of giggles rises in the air.

For my part, I'm paralyzed with the dishes still in my hands.

I don't like the direction this little girl talk session is going.

Why?

Because it's obvious that my thoughts are common to theirs but I don't even want to think about it.

I can't afford to think of him like that...nothing good would come of it.

Not for me at least.

I feel my face go up in flames.

"I'm right, you heard her?" Amy replies, satisfied, challenging her sister to reply.

Andrea huffs in exasperation, turning her back on her sister.

Maggie approaches me, gently taking the dishes from my hands and starting to fill them with scrambled eggs.

“Ok, he's not that bad.But he's not my type”

With these words the oldest Green gives us her opinion on the subject.

“And who would be your type, Glenn?” Lori teases her, her words make the girl blush.

Then Maggie's dark eyes stop for a moment in mine.

A small look that I can't decipher until an alarm rings in my head.

Wait.

Wait…oh god.

Oh God no!

I turn away from the discussion among the others to focus on Maggie.

I approach her, taking a dish and starting to help her.

Maggie was very nice to me, she gave me clean clothes, she takes care of my sore wrists and I don't want her to even think that I'm somehow trying to come between her and Glenn.

I would never do that.

It's true that the boy and I have become very close in these few days but there is nothing sentimental between us.

I don't feel attracted to him in that way.

I have to tell her something to prevent the seed of doubt from sprouting in her head but in the distance I actually see Glenn advancing towards us so I decide to postpone our discussion.

As the man approaches, his eyes are all for Maggie.

I shake my head with a smile.

How could she ever doubt it?

“Good morning, my beautiful ladies” he exclaims with a big smile after reaching us but without ever taking his dreamy gaze away from the farmer's beautiful daughter.

In response he receives kind good mornings in return.

Maggie hands him a plate accompanied by a smile and then he walks away to sit on one of the improvised chair blocks.

Slowly all the other men join us.

First Rick, then Dale, T-dog.

Even Shane.

I hand him a plate trying to be as kind as possible and I even receive a half-thank you in return.

Wow!

This is an event worth noting in the yearbooks.

That prick knows the word thank you.

Lori approaches us taking two plates.

“One is for Carl” she justifies herself, afraid that someone might object.

“Hersel hasn't given him permission to get up yet so I'll go eat in the room with him” she continues.

I smile at her and she walks away, entering the big white house.

Carl.

One lucky little guy.

Not everyone can survive a bullet.

This is how this group came to the farm.

Due to a horrible accident.

Apparently Otis, one of the inhabitants of the farm, accidentally shoots the boy while hunting a deer.

Offering his help immediately, he would later die by sacrificing himself and allowing Shane to bring back to Hersel everything needed to save the boy's life.

I haven't had the chance to meet Carl yet but from what Lori and Rick told me about him he really seems to be a special little boy.

“Go eat with the others Summer”

Maggie's voice wakes me up from my thoughts and I immediately realize that they are all sitting enjoying their breakfast.

Everyone except me and her.

And Daryl of course.

No trace of him.

Why the hell am I always so aware of his presence or absence?

I nod as she turns her back on me but before she can disappear inside her house I whisper her name.

At first I thought that she didn't hear me but then her pace slows until she stops, then turning towards me.

“Tell me” she replies with a smile.

I approach unsure of what to say.

Where do I start?

I feel embarrassed.

“I…emh I wanted to tell you… yeah I mean...”

The words die in my mouth.

Is it really the right thing?

Even though she has always been friendly to me, can I really intrude into her private life like this?

"What happens?"

Her large eyes observe me carefully.

With one hand she tucks a lock of hair behind her ears.

She is really very beautiful and I really don't understand how she can feel threatened by someone like me.

No one has ever looked at me the way Glenn looks at her, why would she ever doubt his feelings?

With a big breath I take courage.

Now or never.

I quickly peek over my shoulder noticing that the others are far enough away that they can't hear so I decide to speak.

“It's about Glenn” I whisper, returning my gaze to her face, torturing the fingers of my hands.

“Oh” the girl whispers in a broken voice, looking at me with the same look she had given me shortly before, when Lori had brought up her crush on the boy.

Her long fingers nervously crease the hem of her cotton shirt.

Around us the silence is interrupted only by the echo of the chatter of the rest of the group.

We both remain silent unable to continue this embarrassing conversation.

Her gaze remains low on her feet as she kicks at the blades of grass around her.

“Do you…do you like him”

And hers isn't a question.

"What?"

My slightly too shrill tone of voice makes several heads turn towards us.

“No, no Maggie” I reply whispering.

I immediately approach her, gently grabbing her hand.

She slowly raises her face almost in fear.

I continue to shake my head as she looks at me curiously.

"No.This is what I wanted to talk to you about" I reassure her.

Her face seems to relax a little.

“Glenn was the first to show me some humanity, he helped me and I can never thank him enough but Glenn and I are just friends”

“Really?”

“Really.I don't see him the way you see him” I tease her making her blush.

“Oh Summer, sorry!”

Her words are followed by a suffocating hug.

She holds me tightly, in her grip I can feel the relief but also a lot of anxiety.

I hug her back, trying to convey to her all the truthfulness of my words.

Glenn is amazing and maybe in another life I would have even considered going on a date with him.

He is sweet, nice, smart.

We have many interests in common such as comics, video games, films.

We are two classic guys in our early twenties, both raised in a city too big for our simple spirits.

But despite all that I don't feel attracted to him in that way.

My gaze slides behind Maggie.

Towards Daryl's tent.

No, Summer.No!

Damn it.

It's not possible.

It's absurd, irrational.

Sure Daryl is attractive, strong, brave...

But mine is just a stupid physical attraction.

After all, apparently I'm not the only one who finds him beautiful.

Maggie is the first to break the hug but our hands remain intertwined so together we approach the porch steps to sit on them.

We both keep our gaze fixed straight ahead, watching the sun slowly take its place in the sky.

“I'm sorry for thinking that you and Glenn…”

Maggie begins but I immediately stop her with a wave of my hand.

“Don't think about it” I reassure her.

“It's my fault.Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so close to him and disrespected you” I admitted rather embarrassed.

Maybe I couldn't have known it at first but I should have pulled back a little when I realized the looks that the two lovebirds usually throw at each other every time they have the chance.

I feel Maggie's hand rest on my knee, squeezing it slightly.

On her face there is a beautiful smile that will take your breath away.

“You don't even have to say it.I know Glenn cares about me but I also know he cares about you.I was just a little scared.That's all”

We laugh together at her confession and I watch her as she stands up.

“I'm going to see if dad needs me.See you later Summer” she greets me.

I greet her with a smile.

“Oh Maggie?”

“Yeah?”

“When you see Glenn could you tell him to come find me?I have a favor to ask him”

“Okay” she replies and then closes the door behind her.

I sit on the porch steps until Carol joins me with a plate of food.

“Thanks mommy” I thank her rolling my eyes and making her laugh.

“If you remembered to eat I wouldn't have to chase you like you were a five year old girl, right?So shut up and eat” she scolds me gently, forcing the plate into my hands.

“Yes ma’am”

As I finish my meal one bite after another, I am hungrier than I thought, I see Daryl coming out of his tent ready for the new research session.

He quickly places his backpack on his shoulders, tightening his grip on his crossbow and quickly walks away heading towards the stable.

I follow him with my gaze.

Carol's elbow digs painfully into my ribs.

“Damn Carol” I cough.

For her part, she feigns an innocent expression but her sly smile tells me something completely different.

I roll my eyes so much I could see the back of my head.

I get up huffing.

“I'm not going to talk to him, Carol”

“No one asked you”

“No?”

“Nope”

She looks at me from below with her immense blue eyes with a toothy smile.

I don't know her well enough but I'm more than certain that that look on hers doesn't bode well.

Only then I realize that she is turning a canteen between her fingers.

She stands up and forcefully shoves it into my hand like she had done earlier with my plate of food.

“What exactly should I do with it?”

I feel panic crawling in my stomach.

In my hands that stupid canteen weighs like a boulder because I know who it belongs to.

I often saw Carol fill it and then give it back to his owner.

“Why are you doing this to me?" I ask her almost desperately, whimpering as if I were really a five-year-old.

Why is this woman so keen to have the archer humiliate me?

“I thought we were friends” I hiss through gritted teeth.

My eyes get wet.

Fuck!

I hate the close correlation between my feelings and my eyes.

I'm sad?I cry.

Am I frustrated?I cry.

I am happy?I cry.

I listen to a good song?I cry.

And I swear it's never been a problem for me but in this place, surrounded by people I barely know, well let's say it embarrasses me a little.

“You'll thank me one day” Carol coos, leaving me alone.

What the answer is this?

Jeez.

Shit.

I might not go.

I might turn around and go to Dale's RV to see if he needs a change of guard.

I might go and see if there's laundry to do.

Or I could count the blades of grass.

Anything to avoid facing the archer's cold indifference.

Because despite everything the fact that he can only see trouble for his people in me hurts me.

I am really grateful to him for saving me and I would just like to have a civil relationship with him like I have with the others.

I turn the canteen over and over in my hands and with a big sigh I steel myself by forcing my legs to move in the same direction Daryl disappeared from.

Even though I'm not dying to interact with him I can't let him go out there without water.

My feet move unsurely on the grass and with each step that brings me closer and closer to the source of my discomfort my heart beats more and more irregularly.

And not only because of who I will have to see but also because of that place.

I haven't set foot in the stable since that damned night.

Only bad memories are connected to that place.

My hands are sweating and for a moment I fear I'll lose my grip on the cold metal of the canteen.

Once I reach the stable I hear Daryl's voice coming from inside.

“I know ya're a good girl.Ya're a good girl, aren't ya?”

His voice is hoarse, persuasive.

The softly shuffled letters mess up my thoughts.

I feel my knees shaking.

When I reach the stable Daryl has his back to me while he strokes the head of a beautiful horse.

The calloused hand moves between the animal's ears and then descends to the muzzle where he leaves two light gentle pats.

Once I reach my destination I knock twice with my knuckles on the boards of the door even if it is already open.

His head snaps towards me.

His blue eyes linger on me for only a few moments after which he turns his full attention back to the animal in front of him.

“Wha' do ya want?”

His abrupt tone makes me jump.

When I waste time finding the right words he turns away, his body turned completely in my direction.

A severe frown seems to reside permanently on his face especially when it comes to me.

“So?” he asks, spitting out the words as if they were poison.

And just like poison they burn a small portion of my heart.

“I…” I stutter unable to maintain eye contact.

My gaze shifts mortified to my hands.

I can feel his eyes boring two deep holes straight into my soul.

“Carol asked me to give you this” I whisper in a small voice showing him my hands.

A deafening silence wreaks havoc on my brain and when I decide it's too much for me I look up again but Daryl is turning his back on me again.

He started petting the horse again as if I wasn't here.

As if I hadn't spoken.

As if I didn't exist.

I could stamp my feet, shout at him how rude he is but I'm sure that would only make the situation worse so gathering up every ounce of courage I move closer until I get to his side.

Daryl glances at me sideways but says nothing.

I ignore him, putting my hand close to the horse's muzzle.

The animal, initially wary, moves away, but after a few seconds it brings its muzzle closer to my hand and lets me touch it.

I rub my fingers between his large dark eyes and receive a loud whinny in return.

I laugh.

“He's beautiful” I whisper to myself.

I have always dreamed of having a horse.

I remember as a child begging my parents for more than a year to have one.

My father almost lost his mind explaining to me how impossible it was for such an animal to live in a small garden in the city.

“’S a girl” Daryl murmurs, still without turning towards me.

My hand freezes immersed in the shiny mane.

"What?" I ask unable to stop myself.

Is he really speaking to me after treating me as if I were invisible?

“The horse.She's a girl” he repeats finally turning his head towards me.

And for the first time, in days, I no longer see all that anger in his eyes.

For the first time in days I found a little piece of that man I met in the woods.

Trying to hide my smile I turn and dig both hands into her soft mane.

“Oh I'm so sorry baby” I coo, scratching the docile beauty near her ears.

His soft chuckle makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“Are ya apologizing to a horse?” the amused archer asks, his voice seems more relaxed but I don't dare turn around to make sure.

I'm afraid that even just looking at him this moment of tranquility could vanish.

“Well if I were in her place I would have been offended if someone had mistaken me for a boy” I reply letting a genuine smile blossom on my face.

Maybe the first since I've been here.

“Nah… no shit.I don't think is possible.Yer too pretty, sunshine”

That nickname again.

But this time no mockery to accompany his words.

Too shocked to keep my promise to ignore him, I slowly turn to him and find his gaze fixed on my face.

A mix of emotions swirl in my brain even as I try to keep a neutral gaze on the outside as I try to understand what is going through the mind of the man in front of me.

A slight frown of frustration crosses his forehead.

It's as if he wanted to tell me something but his mouth was unable to do so.

“Daryl Dixon makes me a compliment.Wow”

“'M a asshole, sorry”

“It's ok”

“No, that's not ok” he replies immediately.

His right hand grips the crossbow so tightly that the object seems to creak in protest.

His vaguely agitated gaze flits from one side of the stable to the other as if he were looking for a way out of this uncomfortable situation.

I'm really sorry to see him like this so I decide to give him a hand to get out of this situation.

“Listen to me Daryl.You didn't do anything wrong.I understand you.You feel obligated to protect these people but I assure you that I will do everything to make you understand that I am not a threat"

Almost I want to add it but I avoid it.

If only they knew what trouble, just taking me in, could mean for them.

He could kill everyone just for the fun of it.

I shook my head vigorously.

No.

He's not here.

He is miles away.

Nobody has to know.

More silence.

“I should have been there instead of Glenn that night.Or Carol.I should have dragged ya away from this stable and instead I was stuck listening to that prick's lecture”

“Shane?” I ask looking at his eyes again.

Daryl nods, gnawing on the side of his thumb.

I can read a lot of anger in his gestures.

And regret.

“Nah…I already gave you so much trouble.Don't blame yourself for things you couldn't foresee” I try to reassure him.

“You already have so much to think about”

Carol, I think.

I know he feels haunted by Sophia's disappearance and he is doing everything for her.

And for Carol.

“I need to find tha' little girl, ya understand?Carol…”

His agitated words only confirm my thoughts.

Daryl is a man with a big heart.

Now we are facing each other, eye to eye.

Our bodies are so close that I could just reach out my hand and caress his face.

I would really like to smooth out the worry lines on his forehead with my fingers.

All around us there is a tense silence.

The air seems to become unbreathable.

The rays of the sun that penetrate between the cracks of this stable are reflected in his blue eyes, making them shine like the clear summer sky.

“You know, I like this” I smile, pointing first at me and then at him with my hand.

His right eyebrow lifts upwards curiously.

“It's nice talking to you.Without arguing, I mean”

Daryl smiles slightly, one corner of his lips lifting slightly.

I blush and squirm in embarrassment.

He's really beautiful, I think.

To ease my embarrassment I reach out a hand towards him.

Daryl looks at it without understanding my intentions.

“We can start again from here.What do you say?"

His eyes linger on my hand for a few more seconds then return to my face, straight into mine.

His arm slowly lifts and his hand, strong and calloused, wraps around mine.

It's not a real handshake but more like his hand engulfing mine, making it almost disappear.

An innocent gesture and yet I feel a fire burning inside me.

“I have to go now” the archer mutters under his breath.

I nod.

But despite this, neither of us moves.

A weird energy crackles in the air.

I can't hear any sound other than the desperate beating of my heart.

His eyes look like an immense ocean where I fear I will drown.

Or maybe it's just too late.

I'm already drowning.

His gaze, imperceptible for a moment, touches my lips.

His lips barely open, remaining ajar just enough to be able to see the tip of his tongue which comes out in a flicker to moisten his lips.

A deafening whinny snaps us out of our thoughts and Daryl's hand suddenly lets go of mine as if he too had just woken up from a daydream.

I watch as he takes a step back and lowers his head as if he's embarrassed.

As if this was too much for him.

“I have to go” he repeats.

“Okay” I squeak and then clear my throat.

His eyes are still focused on the old floorboards and some strands of hair fall in front of his eyes, hiding those wonderful blue pools from me.

I feel a tingling in my hand and without realizing it I am already raising it towards the man's face.

I observe my hand as if it had a life of its own, unable to stop me, while the tips of my fingers push aside some locks, finding those eyes to which I feel attracted for no real reason.

What do I know about this mysterious man after all?

What do I really know about him?

Why do I feel so damn attracted to him?

In my few past relationships I have always taken things very calmly.

Never love at first sight, any irresistible attraction.

Why now with him does it seem like I have no control over my thoughts?

And apparently not even that of my body because after having pushed aside his hair my fingers touch his forehead until they reach his cheekbone where my timid exploration is interrupted when the man grabs my wrist.

I think he's going to shove me away but he doesn't.

His fingers gently tighten around my wrist, his thumb caressing the abrasions on it.

I could even swear I felt his face tilt slightly towards my hand, pressing his cheek against my palm.

His stubble tickles my hand, awakening a flight of butterflies in my stomach.

His stormy gaze knots my thoughts, leaving me pleasantly confused.

Who knows what fantastic sensations his hands could unleash on me.

Oh my God...

I feel suffocated under his gaze.

“Be careful out there.Come back in one piece, okay?” I murmur in a strangled voice.

“Yes ma’am”

Daryl gives my wrist one last gentle squeeze and lets it go, turning his back on me and disappearing through the door.

I bring my hand to my chest, clasping my wrist with the other hand.

What the hell just happened?

I turn my head, a sweet fear grips my insides making my breathing irregular and without being able to help it a broad smile spreads across my face.

Carol was right.

I'll have to thank her.

I shake my head in disbelief.

I was so scared to face Daryl that now I can't believe how it turned out.

I leave the stable determined to find Glenn, I have to find him before he leaves.

With a light head still full of thoughts about the archer I return to the farm where not far from it I see Glenn coming towards me.

“Hey, Maggie told me you need a favor”

When I reach him I grab his arm and drag him with me.

“I need your help.I want to go to town with you”

Glenn nods.

“Ok but I don't think Rick is against it.Why do you need my help?” the boy asks me curiously.

I look around looking for the officer and find him almost immediately.

He and Shane are standing in front of the hood of an old Cherokee studying what appears to be a map.

"Come with me.You'll understand" I reply, focused on my goal, dragging Glenn with me.

I know Rick would have nothing to say about my wanting to go on a run with Glenn but I want something back.

Something that belongs to me.

And I want to do it right.

I want them to trust me.

When we arrived near the car, the first to notice us was Shane.

His features are serious and impassive, his necklace with the number 22 shines around his neck, hit by a ray of sunshine.

I maintain eye contact as I take my final steps to reach the two men.

The man nudges Rick and nods at me.

The officer's eyes lift from the map to rest on my face.

He smiles kindly at me unlike his friend who continues to look at me with a smug look.

Sumbitch.

“Hey Rick.I'm going to town with Glenn.I need some things and then the two of us will do it faster”

The man's blue eyes observe me carefully, then he nods.

“If you feel like it I can't stop you” he replies.

All right.

Now the hard part.

Seeing that I make no sign of moving, Shane intervenes.

“Do you need anything else, kid?”

His stupid question makes my hands itch.

God I want to punch this dickhead so bad.

Rick swings his worried gaze between me and his friend.

Maybe my thoughts are well painted on my face, after all, why hide how I feel towards that idiot?

He doesn't seem to make a secret of it so...

"I want my weapon back, Rick" I state turning my attention towards the only one who has the power to decide while completely ignoring Shane.

“No way”

“I didn't ask you” I reply without even sparing him a glance.

Shane takes a threatening step towards me but I'm not intimidated.

I'm not moving.

I don't even look at him.

My eyes stay on Rick the entire time.

“I know Hersel's rules and I'm not going around the camp armed, I just want my knife for walking around town.Once I get back I'll give it back”

Glenn moves closer to Rick.

“We can trust her, Rick”

Thanks Glenn, you did just what I needed.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Shane glaring at him.

Rick seems to think about it but then he nods, thus agreeing to my request.

Shane seems irritated by Rick's choice but he doesn't say a word.

He just looks at me like I was a walker.

I grab Glenn's hand and turn on my heel, dragging him with me.

After not even a couple of steps Rick calls me.

“Hey Summer!Don't you ask me where your weapon is?” he asks me raising an eyebrow.

“No need.I know where it is.I saw it a few days ago”

Shane's gaze narrows curiously while Rick smiles amused by my answer.

“So why didn't you just take it, kid?” the latter asks me.

I shrug with a nonchalance worthy of an actress.

“Because I want you to understand that I'm not just a mouth to feed or another stupid worry.I want to be an integral part of this group and I want to do things according to the rules”

Shane shakes his head almost amused.

“We'll see, girl” he mutters, returning to focus all his attention on the map spread out on the hood of the car.

Rick follows close behind.

So without letting go of Glenn's hand I start walking again towards Dale's RV where my weapon is hidden in a locker.

“But didn't you say you needed my help?” my friend points out laughing, giving me a slight push with his shoulder.

His playful gaze lingers on mine.

“Oh but you did” I reply, getting into the RV and going to open the cabinet above the bed.

I grab my knife and put it in the waistband of my jeans and then I turn towards Glenn who in the meantime has also gotten into the vehicle.

“Rick trusts you.Your support was decisive for him to accept my proposal”

“Make sense.You know, you're lucky that your friend here is a big shot” boasts Glenn, puffing his chest out and placing his hands on his hips.

I roll my eyes.

We both smile.

“Come on big shot, let's go.I want to get back before dark" I tell him pushing him out of the RV.

“Listen, I'll see you at the car in a few minutes.I want to let Carol know that I'm coming with you, okay?”

“See you at the car” he nods, leaving me alone.

Wow!

Who would have thought that today would go so well?

My mood has definitely improved compared to this morning.

I got my weapon back.

I clarified with Maggie.

I'll go to town to find what I need.

And…

Oh c'mon!

The main reason for my good mood has blue eyes and smells like the summer woods.

As I leave the farm behind I go looking for Carol, my head dreaming and my heart full of Daryl.

On my way I am stopped by a voice calling me.

It's Lori.

I observe her curiously as she approaches, looking around with fear.

As if she didn't want to be seen.

“Everything is fine?Is Carl okay?” I ask her as soon as she reaches me.

Her son is the first thing that came to my mind when I saw that scared look on her face.

“Yeah, yeah.He's fine.Glenn told me you were going with him to look for supplies and I was wondering if you could do me a favor”

I look at her confused but nod.

Lori and I haven't talked much since my arrival and I haven't had the chance to get to know her well yet but that doesn't mean I could deny her a favor.

Her tired and drawn face worries me.

“Is everything okay Lori?” I ask her again seeing her get agitated.

Her gaze wanders from one side of the field to the other.

“Everything is fine.I just need you to get me some things” she replies handing me a small paper note.

What is all this secrecy?

Having really reached the end of the world, do some women still have shame to talk about periods and tampons?

Why did she have to write it?

Amused by her excessive shyness, I grab the piece of paper, giving a slight peek at its contents.

I remain motionless staring at the paper.

Incredulous.

The smile on my lips quickly fades.

“I would like to be able to count on your confidentiality.Do you think you can do it?” Lori adds in a whisper.

I nod unable to answer.

“I…I don't want to burden you with this but you're the only one who can do it.I can't ask Glenn.And I don't want anyone else to know.Nobody” she adds, agitated, pressing on the last word.

Copy that.

Rick doesn't have to know.

I shake my head from side to side trying to get rid of my amazement.

It's none of my business if Lori doesn't want to tell Rick and I will certainly keep my mouth shut.

“You have my total discretion, Lori" I reassure her by squeezing her upper arm.

She chews on her lower lip nervously as she looks around.

A light gasp from her makes me jump and following her gaze I notice Shane.

Standing on the porch, with his back resting against the white wooden planks, he is observing us.

He has his arms crossed over his chest and the sole of his right foot resting on the railing in front of him.

His haunted eyes follow every movement of the woman in my company.

Lori squirms under Shane's gaze and shivers.

“I have to go” she says quickly.

Without another word she walks towards the house, slowing down as she approaches it.

Lori and Shane exchange another long look until Rick comes to their right and catches their attention.

Lori jumps again and feigning indifference, badly I dare say, she corrects her trajectory by heading towards her husband.

Rick, unaware of that small exchange of glances between his wife and his best friend, passes his arm around her shoulder and kisses her temple and then heads together towards their tent.

I turn my attention back to Shane, studying his every move.

His large dark eyes are agitated, haunted as he chews on the inside of his cheeks.

His nostrils are flaring with anger.

I look down again at the note Lori handed me and at that moment something clicks in my brain.

The look between her and Andrea this morning when Beth mentioned Shane now takes on a whole new meaning.

Lori and Shane had an affair, probably when everyone thought Rick was dead.

Oh shit.

Oh man…I mean I'm nobody to judge but I honestly wouldn't want to be in Lori's shoes right now.

And I thought that my life was messed up.

The sound of footsteps violently trampling the ground sends a shiver down my spine.

I already know who it is before he says a word.

Putting on a relaxed expression, I lift my face to meet Shane's crazy gaze.

Without being noticed I put the note in the back pocket of my jeans.

The man gets dangerously close, invading my personal space.

He is so close that his smell stings my nostrils and makes me sick.

His eyes pierce mine, leaving me paralyzed.

I am aware that I am alone, at this moment of the morning everyone is already busy with their chores so there is no one who can help me.

I have to deal with him myself.

“Do you need something?”

I try to use a cheeky tone, as if I'm bored of him right now and not totally paralyzed by fear.

But Shane is smart.

Too smart.

He knows I might know something.

I tried to hide the tremor of my hands by digging them into the pockets of my jeans.

“I'm in a bit of a hurry Shane, if you don't mind?”

I try to dodge him but he steps in front of me with a threatening expression.

“Not a word, kid” he whispers to me, bringing his lips too close to my ear.

I can't help myself and a shiver runs through me.

Feeling satisfied with my reaction, the man walks away without saying a word.

I feel the sweat dripping down my back, soaking my shirt.

From now on I will have to sleep with one eye open.

Without wasting time I reach Glenn who, seeing my shocked face, gets out of the car and comes towards me.

I'm sure that my already naturally pale complexion is currently cadaverous.

“Are you okay, Summer?”

His agitated voice is an octave higher than usual.

I am fine?

No, absolutely no.

Shane is dangerous and I don't know if anyone else has noticed and they pretending nothing happened or if this son of a bitch is so good that he knows how to play his cards well and let everyone buy it.

Not receiving an answer, Glenn opens the passenger door and helps me get into the car, then gets on the other side and starts the engine driving away from the farm.

During the journey he does nothing but give me worried looks.

He knows that it would be useless to ask questions and that when I'm ready I'll talk.

I observe the landscape passing quickly outside the window, the sun high in the sky indicates that the first part of the morning has already flown by.

A couple of walkers wander undisturbed in the tall grass on the sides of the road.

I rest my forehead against the cold glass of the window and close my eyes.

I think of Daryl who could be anywhere right now and in my heart I really hope that he is okay and that he comes back safe and sound.

I feel the car slow down and when I open my eyes I can already see the outlines of the city buildings.

I dig my fingers into the flesh of my thighs.

The doubt consumes me but I can't do otherwise...

I promised Lori that I would keep her secret, this is true, but this was before Shane threatened me.

I can't ignore it and I have to tell someone, so that if something happens to me he doesn't go unpunished and above all he can no longer be a danger to the others.

Once we reach our destination, Glenn parks a little further away from the main road and turns off the engine.

When his hand is on the door handle I grab his knee forcefully, forcing him to turn towards me.

I feel my eyes fill with tears, a few drops escape my control and crash onto my thighs wrapped in the jeans.

I cannot believe it.

I thought I was done with this shit the moment I ran away from him but here I am.

Dealing with a fucking psychopath again.

Once again submissive to the will of another man.

But if I succeed the first time I can do it again, right?

This time there is a difference.

This time I'm not alone.

I have Glenn.

I have Carol.

I have Daryl.

And a lot of people I can call friends now.

The fingers of the man at my side wrap gently around mine, which still grip his knee.

“Summer, whatever it is, you know that you can trust me.Let me help you”

His plea tightens my heart.

Glenn, just like Daryl, is offering to help a complete stranger even if it means going against his own family.

I hate this idea but I need help now.

“Can you keep a secret, Glenn?”

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@deansapplepie

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well.

I have a few fun questions for you if you don’t mind answering.

First one, from one SonAmy fan to another, if the two hedgehogs EVER became canon, how would you write their future relationship?

Secondly, what are your opinions about Sonic opening about his emotions more often in different medias?

Third, what Sonic characters would you like to see interact more?

Haaaiii!! Thank you so much for the ask!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Oooh, good questions!! Okay, if Sonamy ever becomes truly and fully canon, (once I finish flipping out lol) I'd probably actually write their relationship to be very similar to what it is now. One thing I really like about Sonamy is how they can each be independent, but still love and care for each other. And they've both matured to the point where I think that not much would look different if they did start dating. I think there would be subtle differences, at least at first. Like, I doubt they'd be super public about their relationship. Sonic probably wouldn't tell many people, except maybe Tails, and possibly Knuckles. Sonic would definitely still travel, but I can see him picking up souvenirs from random places for her, buying stuff he wouldn't normally get and maybe passingly commenting that it was for his girlfriend (and then he'd leave without elaborating and the cashier would go nuts haha). Amy would probably want to be more open about their relationship, but I also know she would respect his wishes if he didn't want to. They'd probably spend most of their dates in secluded areas, probably out in nature, in the mountains or in the middle of a flower field, far away from society and cities. He'd probably take her with him on more of his runs. But yeah. 🥰💙🩷

I keep meaning to make a post with a list of Sonamy headcanons along those lines haha. 😂🥰

I LOVE when Sonic gets to express his emotions more!! I totally get that they can't have him be overly emotional, that makes sense with his personality. (Besides when he's being a drama king over silly matters 😂) But like, getting in his head during the Metal Virus arc and seeing him start to stress and overthink things after days of infection and no sleep, seeing him have a breakdown in the first live action movie after being alone for so long, seeing him panic, seeing him display symptoms of PTSD and trauma in Prime, I've honestly been loving getting to see him be more vulnerable. He's still a hero, he'll always be a hero, but his falterings and doubts make him feel a lot more true to life. I love it!

The main duo that comes to mind that I REALLY want to see interact is Shadow and Whisper! I actually ship them, as does my bestie, but also I just really want to see their dynamic, what with how they both have trauma, both have experience with loss, and their lives have indirectly intersected. I want to see how they'd talk to each other, how they'd interact.

I also wanna see Sonic and Tangle just doing stupid stuff together. 🤣 They make such a chaotic sibling duo, they're both suckers for reckless adventure, I can just see them going cliff diving and stuff together while all their friends facepalm. 😂

Thanks so much for the ask!! I'm doing pretty well, I've been sick but I'm not feeling too horrible. 😁 I also just had a Sonic energy drink and feel like vibrating into the atmosphere. 🤣 I hope you're doing well too!! 💙