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wstviewvidal · 1 day ago

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goodbye- w. maximoff

pairing: fwb!wanda x reader

summary: wanda tries to mend what was broken

a/n: here is the last installment of my first story, breakfast birthday goodbye! thank you all so much for the support you’ve shown the first two parts as well as the hc’s! it means the world to meeeeeee i love u guys soooo much!

minors do not interact

wanda never meant for everything to go down the way it did. scratch that, she never wanted any of this to happen. the ignored calls, the short texts, you avoiding her at your group’s weekly dinner.

she didn’t want that at all, and it was eating at her insides knowing that you are out there somewhere thinking that she wanted nothing to do with you, that she wasn’t serious about you.

it was the exact opposite, actually. you never leave her mind and she often finds herself texting you with random updates throughout her day just so she can end up calling you and hearing about whatever you have to say.

but now it’s been a week since the party and you’ve yet to actually have a full conversation with her. you don’t text her, only replying to her with a short and simple response when she sends you a message first.

she’s lost countless hours of sleep and finds it hard to make herself eat normal meals. the bags under her eyes have darkened and she’s become a hollow shell of herself, one she can’t even recognize in the mirror. everyone’s noticed it too, and it’s getting hard to ignore.

wanda prides herself on her incredible work ethic and her ability to do her job well beyond expectations, but for the past week even her team at work has noticed that she’s been off her a-game.

wanda hasn’t slept, and you could tell. she’s avoided every every attempt to rest or eat. only throwing herself into her work, which was futile because in the back of her mind was you. the ache of losing you and know you were out there hating her.

it’s gotten to the point where her boss has offered her to take the rest of the week off to recuperate over whatever happened that pushed her down. bad thing is, wanda said no and now she’s stuck thinking about you at her desk.

she turned down the offer, ignoring how badly her body is begging her to take the rest. work is the only thing keeping her mind off of you— or at least trying to.

she can’t get the look on your face out of her mind. the look at showed everything. the way your body looks exhausted, as if it had been fighting. worst of all, she saw every ounce of hurt in your eyes— it confirmed everything.

the look in your eyes, the hurt in your voice, the way you avoided her for the rest of the night at the party.

that’s how she knew you loved her back. and that was meant to be your final act of love— leaving her.

but wanda wouldn’t accept that.

wanda thinks of her future often. how she wants to open up her own firm, how she wants to have a decent sized house— no more than twenty minutes away from the city, the amount of kids she wants to have, you, you, you.

in every different imaginable scenario she’s imagined for herself, in every different future she’s envisioned, you’re always there. there’s no version of herself she can imagine without you.

which is why she’s suddenly found herself outside of your house in the middle of a thunderstorm at 8 at night.

she knew this was inappropriate and a setup for failure but she couldn’t go another hour not at least trying. she’s gone too many days with her anxiety eating away at her.

she knew that you loved her— hell, you basically confessed it to her the night you were drunk in her car. it’s been so long since then and she’s had to watch you date other people despite having confessed your true feelings.

so, logically, wanda had to force herself to ignore the confession and start to date other people as well.

but wanda knew they could never be you. no matter how hard she tried to make herself like the other girls, she always wished it was you she was holding at night— not them

as wanda stood outside your gate, she couldn’t help but recall when she went to go see you at work after you broke up with a fling.

and unfortunately for wanda, this was after you confessed. she had to sit there and console your crying eyes all while knowing the both of you had reciprocating feelings for the other.

wanda parked her car a few spots away from the main entrance and fixed her appearance before grabbing the takeout food she had brought for the two of you to share.

she sat in her car for a few minutes, trying to focus on her breathing and calming the nerves in her body. trying to rehearse things to say to say to you in front of her mirror, she looks over her appearance and fixes her makeup slightly.

i mean, what is she supposed to say to the girl she’s in love with who just broke up with someone she was dating? yay, now let’s get together? no. wanda had to be a supportive friend— no matter how badly she ached for more.

getting out of her car, she slowly walks up to the main entrance. as she walks in, she’s hit with the familiar smell of the air freshener the company uses and it gives her a small boost of confidence.

stopping to say hi to natasha before going into your office, she greets her.

“hey nat,” wanda says softly while peering into natasha’s office.

both wanda and natasha were familiar with each other through you and had no issue having conversations without your company, they were comfortable with each other.

natasha looks up from her work and up to wanda, a slight surprised smile on her face. she had a feeling wanda would show up for you, just unsure of when.

“hey,” she replies, “she’s in her office. she could really use the pick me up.”

wanda nods in understanding, “i know, she’s been down recently. brought her some food in case she needed it.”

natasha smirks softly and whispers lowly, “if you’re going to continue being a girlfriend to her, you need to make it official before somebody else does.”

wanda freezes. did natasha know about you two? surely you wouldn’t tell her anything, but why else would she say that?

wanda gives an awkward chuckle and walks off in the direction of your office, replaying natasha’s words and how she had a knowing look on her face as she said that.

slowly peering into your office, she knocks softly, “hey, pretty girl”

looking away from your desktop, you see wanda dressed in your college t-shirt and a pair of jeans while holding a takeout box from one of your favorite restaurants.

your heart swoons at the pet name, as well as the smile on her face. this isn’t the first time wanda’s shown up to your job unannounced. in fact, she does this at least a few times out of the month.

she insisted that it was her biggest priority to make sure you were taken care of.

she walks over to your desk and gives you a small kiss on the forehead and a rub on the back.

“you feeling okay?” wanda’s voice is laced with concern and love. it filled your stomach with butterflies.

truth is, you were actually feeling content after the break up. you constantly felt a weight on your chest while you were in that relationship. really, you could hardly call it a relationship. it lasted less than a month and you were happy it was over.

everytime you two went out, you always thought about how wanda would be acting if if was her you went out with instead. no matter what, you always had her in the back of your mind and you felt guilty for it.

shrugging softly, you lean into wanda’s side, enjoying how she’s giving you this soft attention. you really should be honest with her and tell her you’re fine but the fact that she’s being so sweet and attentive, it really makes you want to play into this facade just so she can continue being sweet to you. wanda tightened her hold on you and cooed softly.

wanda knew though. normally when you’re down and out of it, you hardly ever do your makeup. the way you speak is a bit more dragged out, the way you even look at her is different when you’re down.

wanda knew you were okay the second she got close to you, but how could she pass up an opportunity like this to hold you? she would take any excuse to touch you and make you feel happy. she knew she was in love with you, has known it for quite some time now. however, acting on it is a whole other story.

“i got you some food,” wanda runs her fingers through your hair softly, “i want to make sure you eat.”

wanda watches you as you nod softly and look up at her with a happy look on your face. yeah, she’s in love with you. no doubt about it.

you can’t help but immediately let out a soft giggle as you see how she looks at you. you two have known each other for years and she never fails to make you feel cared for.

what would it be like if you two stopped dancing around your feelings for each other?

wanda pulls out the food and you can’t help but swoon all over again. wanda knew your order, down to what you want put on the side instead of in the dish, even the sauces and other condiments. no one has ever known you like this.

the two of you ate for the next hour and a half. you asked her how work was going, her brother, what she’s doing for the holidays. the rest of the world ceased to exist for that hour and a half, and it didn’t feel like a lunch break. it felt like something you could get used to doing at home together.

the two of you existed in each others presence for that lunch break. maybe that was when you realized you truly were in love with her. or maybe it was an accumulation of things, but after that day you knew for a fact that wanda could be the one for you.

wanda walked slowly to your front door, her feet feeling heavy. she could hear her heartbeat, she could feel the blood moving around in her body. hell, she swears she can even feel her white blood cells. for the first time since she’s known you, she was terrified of speaking to you.

the rain soaked through her clothes and clung to her body. her usual soft brown hair was now black and matted with all of the rain water in it. she was freezing, but she didn’t care. each drop that fell onto her body only served as a reminder of all the things she’d never said to you.

every instinct in her was telling her to turn around and bolt, to run and not look back.

but the rational side of her told her that it was now or never. this was her last chance. if she ran, she’d never see you again.

she knew that the longer you two went without talking, the more likely it is that you’ll shut down and block out every memory with wanda from your mind. she knew that she needed to talk to you— and it had to be now.

before getting to your house, she stopped by a near by store to get you flowers. this wasn’t the first time she’d done so. in fact, the florist practically knew all about her love for you since it was all wanda could talk about when she went to go pick up your customized bouquet.

this time, however, it was terrifying knowing that there was a chance that this could be the last time she’d be giving you flowers. she knew you were stubborn and once you sat in your thoughts for too long, there was no way of getting you to turn back on it.

had wanda waited too long to speak to you? are you going to turn her away once she gets to your front door? is this going to be the last time she would see you again?

wanda stands in front of your door way, looking disheveled and drenched in rain. the roses she bought for you look worse for wear, but she couldn’t imagine coming to you empty handed. she needed to have something in her hand to help calm her nerves at least.

by the time she’d reached your door, she was shaking. but not out of cold, out of fear and desperation.

knocking on your door, wanda’s heartbeat quickens and for a split second she considers bolting and never coming back.

but the door opens.

and there you are, and somehow in the midst of all the chaos between you two, wanda thinks you look as beautiful as ever.

you look at wanda with an incredulous look, almost telling yourself you’re imagining her here at your doorstep.

you start, “wanda, i don’t think th-“

“no,” wanda says sharply, almost too firm and pushes past you and into your house. her breathing is shallow. it wasn’t from the rain though, it was from the years of unspoken truths, missed opportunities. she needed it out in the air.

wanda’s tone and demeanor momentarily stun you. she has always bent on anything you say and rarely interrupted you when you spoke.

after slowly closing the door behind her, you follow her further into your house. your heart is beating and you can’t help that worry she may get sick being drenched in all the rain.

wanda now is in the middle of your living pacing from one end of the room to the other, clutching drenched and withered red roses in her hands. she looks like she’s on the verge of passing out and you’re immediately worried that she very well could drop on your floor.

“wanda, i think you need to sit down.. let be get you a towel,” you say softly while waking towards her slowly, like she was a cat that could run off at any second.

“no,” she says quickly, now stopping and facing you, “you don’t get to kick me out or walk away this time. you can’t shut me out, not after everything. i know i hurt you— us, but i can’t just walk away without telling you everything.”

wanda rushes her words out, but not faltering once in her firm presence. her voice is laced with desperation and you can literally see her hands shaking.

you can hear a small waver in her voice, one youre not used to. wanda’s body language screams terrified and anxious, but her eyes scream with something much louder: resolve.

you can’t help try to hold back a smile at how you can see the emotion in her eyes. wanda’s eyes speak so much louder than her voice could ever, and you have always loved it so much. it’s how you two could communicate with one another from across the room.

you stand silent and nod, unsure of what to do.

“i understand how it looked. at the party, i mean. the girl there wasn’t anyone i knew, or even want to get to know for that matter. it was just a way to help me pass the time at the party, no matter how nasty that sounds,” wanda begins rambling and you can slowly see the confidence wear off. she pinches the bridge of her nose. this was already off to a bad start.

she had practiced this so many times over the past three hours and none of it was coming out how she wanted it to.

“she wasn’t you,” her voice breaks softly and her words make you freeze.

your heart beat quickens. what does she mean? maybe she’s just trying to make nice and keep the agreement going, it can’t mean that you think it means.

you try to interrupt her, “wanda-“

“i said let me ta-“

you raise your voice and look at her pointedly, “you are in my home and i will speak if i choose.”

wanda feels like a child being scolded.

with a soft and gentle voice, you apologize, “that night, my birthday. seeing you with that girl made me realize we’ve had this whole friends with benefits thing go on too long. it’s gotten in the way of our personal lives and for the sake of our future partners, we need to cut it off.”

you force it out, not sounding confident at all. although you had put much thought into it, it pained you to say it aloud to her. to watch her face drop, to actually see how your words affected her.

tears well in wanda’s eyes, spilling over with a soft, heartbroken cry. this wasn’t what she came here for. she didn’t come here so you could shut her down before even trying to tell you she loved you.

shaking her head and clearing her throat, wanda walks closer to you.

“you don’t get to cut this off without at least having a proper conversation with me,” wanda chokes out through sobs, wiping her tears angrily, “you can’t just throw me away like that.. please”

the silence between the two of you causes the atmosphere in the room to thicken.

hearing her pleading voice, the way she’s gripping onto your shoulders tightly as it’s the last time she’ll touch or see you again— you can’t help but try to fight tears.

in fact, it very well may be the last.

you shake your head, you had thought this over and realized that if wanda didn’t reciprocate the same feelings for you— it’s best if you let her go.

it had become a never ending cycle of stringing you along with no end in sight.

but if it meant nothing to wanda, why would she be here begging and crying for you?

haphazardly, you throw caution to the wind and decide that if this is the last night you’ll see wanda, you may as well lay it all on the table.

you pull away from wanda, raising your voice slightly, “do you have any idea what it took for me to finally accept that this, us, would be a never ending cycle? that it’s only a game of almost? i can’t keep waiting for you, for someone who’s just going to treat me like a place holder for another girl who won’t even last a month and a half?!”

you swallow tears and try your best to sound as firm as possible, “i sat around for all this time just watching you be with other people. giving them the affection i so badly wish you would reserve only for me.”

wanda’s eyebrows furrow at your insinuation that she only every treated you like a pit stop.

anger builds inside and she can’t help but scoff, “are you fucking kidding me? i treated you like a place holder? there’s no way you’re being serious right now.”

her scoff and rough voice cause you to turn back on your heel, defensiveness and frustration seeping through your veins.

“yeah, a goddamn pit stop, wanda. you came around, got me fucking wrapped around your finger and made me fa-,” you almost said it, “you had me wrapped around your finger. i was always there when you called, like a damn fool!”

wanda couldn’t believe what she was hearing. you were acting like she was some kind of person who viewed you as a fool. she was helplessly in love with you, and this is what you saw her as.

running a hand through her hair in hopes of helping herself calm down, she exclaims, “do you really think this was one sided?! i had to watch you date other people too! i wasn’t the only one who dated! after that time you got drunk and i had to take care of you, i couldn’t stop thinking about you saying you wished we could be more! and then i had to carry on with my life like you hadn’t told me you wanted something more with me.”

wanda swallows hard before the words spill out—the night you told her you wanted more. she never wanted to tell you about that night, for fear of running you off.

it was now or never, she had to tell you.

you freeze, what night is she talking about? the weight of her words finally hit you, and it feels like the world has shifted. you search her face, like the answer you’re searching for is written on her forehead.

wanda sighs and rubs her face, “i’m sorry. you got drunk a while back and told me you wanted more. i never told you because i knew it would send you running off, and i couldn’t bare the thought of losing you. it was better to have you like this, no matter how much it hurt, than to not have you at all.”

the rain seemed to be the only sound in the house. the soft thuds of the branches outside hitting the side of the roof are all you two can hear. you stare at each other, for the first time with uncertainty as to what’s next for you two.

wanda walks slowly closer, stopping a few feet in front of you, “do you really think i wanted this to be one sided? i thought that by holding back and keeping my feelings to myself, it was the only way i’d still be able to have you in my life.”

you stare at her as you slowly understand what she’s trying to say. she loved you back.

“i never wanted you to feel that way,” barely above a whisper, “and i’m so sorry that i made you feel that way. it was never my intention to make you feel like you were anything other than my first priority. i only every wanted you, only you. i found myself looking for you in every person i met because i was afraid that if i told you i loved you, you’d run away. if having you meant keeping my feelings to myself, i would make that sacrifice because i couldn’t fathom the thought of you. no longer being in my life.”

you stay silent, her words echoing in your head. wanda loved you back? you can see her hands shaking and the insecurity in her eyes. her hands are shaking and the petals on the roses are falling off slowly with the weight of the water droplets on them.

following your eyes, wanda remembers she got you roses.

she speaks softly, almost afraid to speak to you, “i brought you these. i’m sorry they’re not that pretty, they got kind of messed up with the rain and me squeezing them so tight.”

wanda speaks nervously, shyly and you can’t help but frown at her demeanor. she’s no longer the confident person you know. right now she looks like an insecure woman who’s been rejected by someone she’s been in love with for years.

you gently reach out for the flowers, still shocked by the revelation wanda’s revealed to you in the matter of fifteen minutes.

you hardly register that she’s leaving your home with a new weight on her chest and an empty feeling in her heart.

wanda took your silence as the final answer she’d been dreading. rejection. wanda thinks you don’t love her back. the silence in the room weighed on her like a death sentence and she was forced to walk away— heartbroken and alone.

the sound of her car door being shut pulls you out of your stupor and you realize what this means— what wanda’s departure means.

this can’t be the end.

with adrenaline coursing through you, you throw the door open. you rush out of your house and just before she leaves your drive way, you call out for her.

wanda, as if hoping you’d chase her, drives her car back into your drive way and parks. wanda looks anywhere but you, as if afraid the next thing you’ll tell her is to never come back. her hands grip at her steering wheel tight enough to the point her knuckles turned white. she’s terrified.

stepping outside of her car, she walks up to you. her hands are shaking and you can see that her eyes are red rimmed from all the crying she’s done tonight.

your voice is hoarse from the yelling and crying as well, “i’m sorry. i’m sorry it took this long to tell you and im sorry for accusing you of treating me like nothing. wanda, i love you too— i always have. i was terrified of you not feeling the same way so i forced myself to ignore it. i was wrong, i was wrong about everything.”

wanda’s breath stops and her eyes well up with tears again, “please don’t lie to me just for the sake of my emotions.”

you shake your head insistently, “i’m being honest, i swear on everything i love. i love you, i have for a while. i was just scared and i didn’t know you felt the same way.”

“you love me?” wanda’s voice is shaking and she can’t tell if she’s dreaming or already getting sick from standing in the rain for too long.

nodding with a nervous smile, you don’t care about the rain soaking your clothes or the lighting in the sky. all that matters is that you tell wanda how you feel. before time runs out and you lose her for good.

wanda inhales sharply, a look of relief washing over and she lets out a soft laugh. a trembling hand cautiously reaches for your face as her eyes flooded with relief.

“i was scared,” she says through a wet laugh, “i thought that you would run if i told you i was in love with you.. but if you’ll let me, i swear i won’t ever make you feel like a second priority again. you’ve always been the most important thing in my life and i never want you to feel like anything else.”

her words hit you like a rush of warmth, contrasting against the cold rain surrounding you two. you smile widely, your heart overjoyed with the fact that wanda did love you as you did her.

you laugh— a genuine laugh, and before she can get another word out, you pull her into you. you couldn’t waste another second before connecting your lips.

when you two meet, it’s like everything clicked. all the chaos, all the flings, every person annoying you two about getting together, it meant nothing now that you two expressed what you’d been hiding.

you rest your forehead against wanda’s and whisper softly, “we’ve got a lot to figure out now, but this means we’ll do it together.”

wanda nods with a small smile as she looks at you, “yeah, together.”

as you two stand there, both laughing at the dramatics of it all, you can’t help but let out a sigh of relief, one you’ve held for years. wanda was finally yours and you knew then and there that all of the missed opportunities and lack of truths only led you to her.

ignoring the messiness and the lack of perfection, it was real.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x r #wanda maximoff x reader #fwb!wanda maximoff #jealous!wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x y/n #marvel #wstviewvidal #noe writes

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defmaybe · 14 hours ago

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Mistake

NewJeans' Kim Minji (Angst) & NMIXX's Oh Haewon (Smut) x Male Reader

15.4k words

Some discussions of suicide

A/N: A few things before going in:

This is essentially an unedited, raw first draft. Expect an insane amount of errors and self-indulgent metaphors.

It's also unfinished in parts.

Still, I do genuinely hope that you enjoy this!

Thanks to Tyler and and Summer for putting me on the right track of being a writer!

Big inspirations from Caps' Departure, Nichu's Where Our Blue Is, Ddeun's Our Love Language is Sex, and Challengers

—

Prologue

—

Mistake all the time, You’re my mistake all the time, yeah

Mistake all the time, I’m your mistake all the time, yeah

—

You realized that you’ve never possessed the creative calibre as much as a writer should’ve had. Perhaps it’s appropriate that you’ve never pursued it as your major career. You read all these stories, and you knew that you just can’t come up with these plots. You don’t know how to do character developments, hell, you can barely write dialogues. The way people talk in real life remains a mystery to you. So, it’s probably for the best that you’re in engineering.

Though, it just takes a mistake to change it all. Many stories start with a catastrophe, a turning point, or something that puts the protagonist on their journey. So, here you are, you have a story right in front of you, so should it be transformed into something commendable? award-worthy? a selfish portrayal of what’s supposed to be just a passage of life? The goal of it doesn’t really matter much (though some recognition would be nice); you just had to write it out.

—

You don’t know how much time you have for this. Everyone has been telling you it should be long enough for the forgiveness to be ready, but you’ve also been wondering whether, if that day comes, it would be too long that the cadence won’t strike you as pristine as before.

Though, it hadn’t stopped you from fantasizing how this encounter would play out. You’d say something witty with a chuckle, and she’d smile back, or even better, a laugh. Both of you would see the separation as some childish actions of the past. The two of you would go back to where you were: grief-stricken, exhausted, scared high school students.

The sunlight would force you to retreat to some cafe during the afternoon, letting you two trade stories between the gaps. And as the sun sets, you’d sit beside her in some park, laid back a bit, hands on the grass to offer some balance. She’d do the same. Then your hearts would slowly be reconnected with each other, hoping to reclaim solace missing in the separation, as if you are the only two people on earth.

Firstly though, those events would have to be triggered by your words. And despite thousands of days of you trying to perfect every syllable, they just conveniently stuck in your throat. This isn’t what you’ve been readying yourself for. Awestruck and powerless is an understatement, and no tests have ever made you feel so drowned in your gargantuan number of thoughts.

You cannot say a word to her, and there may not be any second chance for this.

You are her mistake, and you’ll always be.

–

One: About You

–

There was something ‘bout you that now I can’t remember

It’s the same damn thing that made my heart surrender

And I miss you on a train, I miss you in the morning

I never know what to think about

–

I like you

What

I like you! Like do you wanna go out on a date?

(Seen)

It isn’t the longest silence you’ll experience with her, let alone with someone else, fourteen years on earth won’t give much of an insight to you, but it’s enough for you to know what she’s going to say next.

I’m sorry

Regret in her words bled through the pixels.

But I just see you as a friend

Being on text messages takes out the awkwardness a bit, but that doesn’t help transform the dagger, really.

Kim Min-Ji, your entire relationship was based on this encounter, and that three-week phase of some bullet crush upon entering a new school preceding this. You were charmed by a girl’s look, and then no one can compete with that.

You had found her face appealing, then you fantasized your whole life with her. One thing led to another, and you were head over heels for her in just a week.

Nowhere that you haven’t gone with her in your head: a date at an American diner—drinking milkshakes, a trip to the theater—watching some schlocky romance and cringing when the couple on the screen are kissing each other, and the most ambitious one: marriage, she’s smiling, everyone you’ve ever known is surrounding you, cheering as you are leaning in for a kiss.

Too bad you didn’t have a backup plan if it failed.

Consequences of the rejection had you decompressing every, single, thing you’ve been admiring about her to your friends, yeah, the same ones. You treated that as if it was the end of the world.

It was quite a phase, and you inevitably got closer to those people. They were slowly fading away eventually, one by one, but at least, at that moment, you felt like there’s someone listening to you.

While the dagger stuck, you kept eluding her, avoiding eye contact as you were walking past each other. You had to let her know you were hurt. God, that shit looked so damn petty in retrospect.

It was a month later when the heartbreak dissipated, and both of you decided that the next three years cannot be spent evading each other. (To be honest, it’s mostly just for you to stop being weird.) A nod was all it took, and that probably was a lot better than having her as a girlfriend.

–

She wants you to live on your life, separately

Being on text messages (and having it delivered through a friend) takes out the cruelty a bit, but that doesn’t help transform the dagger, really.

It started with just some petty acts, a crude joke. Then, just over a month later, you deleted every single picture of her, almost five years of them. It wasn’t a hard thing to do when you were so deep in melancholy, just a few minutes after a friend brought the breakup message to you.

You thought you had to block her everywhere. But with every step taken to create some distance from her, those actions just, somehow, create unending echoes tormenting you.

Why

You really wanted to fix this; you really fucking did. You’ve never wanted it to end, even when you sent some faux, response-seeking farewell messages after days of waiting for her confirmation of how she felt, just to have her come and reply about the exam she was having just a few minutes later.

Are you gonna send something to her again if you know?

But even with her crying emojis, you were relentless with your replies. I fucking hate you still echoes to this day. It shaped how you see yourself: a selfish, yet codependent, self-indulgent, unlovable person. Even with the apology texts you sent a few weeks later (which she never saw), those four words were tattooed on you.

I won’t

You wished you could, but this answer seemed to be the way to satisfy her.

Think about it

Like all those years

What have you done to her

It was supposed to end with your first apology text, when she called herself an asshole over it. Then, you became one yourself. It turned out that reading only the preview message doesn’t give you the full picture, so you paid the price just a month later. You replied to that, then you waited. And with how God made you so insecure, you thought she wanted it to end after a week you took to reply.

You had problems.

It’ll all be okay

Someday

Looking at your friend’s text, you sighed, knowing that you can only let fate and time lead you to it.

–

You were nothing more than a friend. She sure loved you, just not in the way one would perceive as romantic. There were kind words, there was thoughtful advice, there were chatting deep into a lot of nights.

Any form of physical contact though, you brought it up in some conversations (which one eventually being the spark that burned it all), were always quickly suppressed by her. So, there you were, having her as a friend, and the bar for where your future girlfriends should be.

hey

need some advice rn

uh huh

there’s this guy

send me his pic

alright wait a sec

[photo]

my god

what

okay yeah I know why he’s a big deal

fuck auto caps on I again

fuck

just turn it off in the settings lol

thanks

[Replied to: okay yeah I know why he’s a big deal] ikr

[Replied to: thanks] no prob

how is it with him

As it was flourishing, there were times that you wished for it to be as easy as a kiss and a happily ever after, with how well-gelled you’ve always been together. But the distance between you is just too much.

You can’t conveniently visit her on every other weekend, while she really didn’t want to close the distance from being a close friend (or as you would think to yourself later: “our love may not coincide at the same time”). So, there you were, you became each other’s advisor for those times you’ve had.

–

All of what you saw as confidential: all the vibrations of your heart, all the tears running down your cheeks when alone, all the ties you cut and formed, as any teenager would do, was at last, delivered to your parents, at the age you didn’t think it was possible for such change.

You didn’t expect that your parents would take it well, with how you’ve withheld everything for the last half decade, reducing every answer to their questions into a binary set consisting of yes and no. But as they’ve always been, they didn’t leave you in the dark.

You pleaded guilty to all of it – how you were wretched inside. How she became so much to you, how you took everything she says as an oath, how her jokes lit up a smile on your face every time, and how they still haunt you, to this day, keeps you from initiating any new, proper relationship with someone.

They kept coming back, even if you thought time would slowly fade them away. The minor details, yes, but the bigger ones are still having free shots on you every now and then.

The first few months were difficult. Bed seemed to be the best place you could’ve been, lying down, your fingers sliding reels after reels for god knows how long. Though, it hits you, years of being alone, walling people out was detrimental to you. It starts with some small repairs: story replies to disconnected peers, dates with your close friends, more exposure to your family.

You seek connections, desperately, to fill up the hole she once occupied. You took too many side jobs aside from the grueling university classes, and to be honest, you did meet a lot of new people in the next semester, even more than you did in the last two or three years here.

The space though, five years of freestyle carving put it into this twisted, incomprehensible, harrowing state in which all the adjectives in the world aren’t enough to define the shape of its former owner. How every fibre of your existence was tied to her was, as seen from outside, sad.

Sure, it’s not wrong to let someone into your life, but with this extent – thousands of words to pry out a response - it just reeks codependency in retrospect.

It took some time, and a bunch of people, to cover up the space. You never quite make it like it was; there’s always a hole somewhere, and you can still see the footprints she left on you through it.

How you tell people close to you, most of the time, is that there was a fight - one you started. Then you were being a bitch for too long, and by the time you returned, she put you out of the picture. You added some bits of how you were dependent on her for your heartaches, how you treated her like shit for years, how you sent waves of messages that she didn’t reply because she was busy, how you said you hated her, only to retract and regret it a few days later, then it all ended.

It could be some way of unearthing emotional vulnerability under that “cold” façade - as often pointed out by your friends, which you deflected as crippling social anxiety. You thought people would trust you more if you decided to tell them how you succumbed to those inner demons. It works most of the time.

You told them that you cried to some K-pop song that you can only understand like two lines.

You told them how you tried to recover the photos with some external program not a week later.

You told them, with an otherworldly consistency, that it’s your fault, never hers.

You told them you’d send something a year later, as an apology, to return to where you once were.

You told them that you might crumble again if the response is anything but a warm embrace.

Your taped-up heart remained intact when the day came, having your friends around and such after a year of reconstruction, and you surrendered to the fact that you really can’t do much more than a guilt-ridden text. But it’s not easy at all to watch “Sent just now” become “yesterday”, then “last week”, then “last month” slowly unfold. Then you knew that your strength just cannot handle this; cadence can’t exist with a single note.

It took you back to that day, when the future was just this black, unbounded, silent yet serene space. Times where every knife suddenly became alluring, heights weren't what you were afraid of anymore, the next trip to a pharmacist might be a deathtrap.

This eternal apathy: it was tempting to give in to it – to just leave all of these behind. Yet, you weren’t so sure to give yourself such an ending. People won’t like it, or do they? A lot of stories saw their main characters to their ends, no matter which way it would be. And to be fair, a lot of them became cult classics. You weren’t so sure which would be the right ending for yours.

–

Two: Now That We Don’t Talk

–

You grew your hair long, you got new icons

And from the outside, it looks like you’re trying lives on

–

One advice you took from your therapist is to keep journaling your emotions, each day. And even with the poor self-discipline, whether in a book or a journal, you carved your grimaces, laughters, and tears into words. But perhaps that became too customary. And as time passes, you find the storyteller side of yours magnetized outwards. So, there you were, in front of your old laptop, nibbling on the dagger.

–

Your plane landed in Tokyo mere hours ago. It was a few days after your sophomore year finals. You were paying for your inability to sleep with the shaking cabin, and it was just nine (Tokyo Standard Time) in the morning. Your eyes went dry, and you can feel the irregular beats of your heart. The sleeping pills from your psychiatrist can’t handle the excitement of getting on a plane, especially if it’s to Tokyo.

It’s cold, spring cold. Snow is nowhere to be seen, but your tropical genes are already shaken with a small breeze. You excused yourself from your family for some minutes outside the airport, to get some air for alertness.

The train would depart in an hour, but with the risk-averse nature of your parents, you had only 20 minutes to snap a few photos around Narita. You quickly pace yourself against the crowd, to the outside. You strode through the arrivals terminal, before reaching the automated door, finally catching the air. And it’s cold, spring cold.

It was cloudy, yet the sun was bright enough to deflect your vision away from the matter of protecting it. You pick up your camera to snap a few photos, testing the recipes you had looked up from home. And god, wasn’t Japan so pretty?

But maybe it’s the wind, maybe it’s the temperature, maybe it’s the sleep deprivation, you’re drawn to her, again. It was just over a month ago since the incident. Yet miles away from your parents’ car, when Minji had her dagger delivered through your phone, and as the distance grew, you realized that it’s poisoned.

Should I check my block-list?

It echoes, even if you had no reason to do it. And you gave in, under that spring air: cold, dry, unrelenting, merciless.

You took a seat by a slanted cream walkway outside. A man was sitting across from you. He looked up, before going back onto his phone, nonchalant to your presence, and it’s like you could complain about it.

And immediately, you take out your phone, so eager to check your blocked accounts.

She changed her profile picture into something that you can’t even make sense of: her. Even under the face of the drawn character, you could feel her radiate through your screen. Locals and tourists are still marching towards their destination, either into the city, or a plane, unbeknownst to your internal collapse. It’s probably the way your face is always the same - concealing the tears so well - cheerful or devastated.

She moved on from you: her old persona shed, bio rewritten, era changed. Yet there you were, at least a sea away, crumbled into pieces.

Perhaps it was time for you to shed a new shell.

–

“Minji will be here too!” One of your friends said.

It was the first time you had a sleepover at your friends’ apartment. Alcohols were, of course, involved. A bit of drunk chatting with your friends and walking around helped with the university-induced depression, which you, then freshman, naively dismissed as a normal thing. Then, you heard she would come for some lunch before you go back to the mundane routine you got yourself into.

“Heyyyyy.” You shouted into the room as soon as the apartment’s door was closed. She was sitting on the sofa in the middle of your friends’ studio-sized room.

“Hey!” She seemed to look different from her high school days, crimson on her lips, longer eyelashes, paler cheeks. She wears makeup now, and you wouldn’t lie that it took you by surprise - how beautiful she was. It may have been contributed to the fact that you had just six hours of sleep the night before, but she was gorgeous that day, breathtaking even.

“God, I miss you so much.” You said, sitting down beside her on the couch, while looking over the screen of her ancient phone.

“Awww, thanks babe.” Minji blew you a kiss, irony, to which you happily caught.

“Long trip?” You asked, knowing how far she is from the city.

“Hour and a half.” She murmured.

“Sorry about that.” You chuckled, laying your back on the couch. It’s a display of your insufferable narcissism as usual, a humble smugness.

Your friends were too busy on their phones, waiting for a member to finish his shower before taking a trip into the city.

“No need, I’m here to see you.” Minji beams.

“Thanks, Minji.”

Not that you haven’t seen love blooming in front of you before, it’s just that you can’t grow the petals to display your stern sentiment. It has been, to say the least, difficult for you to express any tinge of compassion.

–

“ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE, I’LL BE WAITING ALL THERE’S LEFT TO DO IS RUN.”

It’s only the two of you screaming between the other guys in the karaoke room. Even if it’s Taylor fucking Swift, she still seems to be threaded just between you two.

“YOU’LL BE THE PRINCE AND I’LL BE THE PRINCESS, IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES.”

You were pointing to each other, with others baffled by how enthusiastic you were.

Both of you kept going like wannabe singers until the end.

“WE WERE BOTH YOUNG, WHEN I FIRST SAWWWWW YOU.”

And the song ends, leaving only you two sharing the only spotlights in the room.

“Minji, fuck, god, that was great,” you panted, trying to catch your breath after screaming Love Story.

“You should thank me for listening to only English songs,” she scoffs, smiling at you.

You attempted to make a cute face, sarcastically. “Thanks, Miss Kim.”

“It’s my job to listen to Taylor Swift for you.” She bowed and smiled.

It’s always the irony-infused conversations, but deep down, you know you could trust her, at least once you do. So many of your problems were solved by her. Just tell them directly, just do this, just do that. And if you didn’t even want to, she’d take your place to show how competent in the field she is, just for you.

As your friends continue with the songs you two can’t capture the lyrics, you slid yourself towards her. “So, how’s the med school?”

She finds the words to answer the completed question for a while. Your other friends are still screaming their lungs out. “It… fucking sucks, yeah, it beat my ass back to high school.” She’d frowned at her script.

“I guess so, I shouldn’t have asked, even. We should talk about light things instead, I’m sor—”

“Don’t be.” Minji cut you off. “It’s fine, I needed a place to vent, anyway.”

The mood, again, swung into glee along with the background. “Oh, so what, Miss Kim, you’re going to use me as your personal venting tool now?”

As if you predicted your future.

“I might, if it doesn’t get better.” She’d snickered at her own comment.

Your expression softens to sympathy. “Well, I’m here. Miss Kim, Go ahead.”

“Really? We can chat about this later, to be fair” She negotiated your offer, not wanting to ruin the mood.

You pondered for a moment, as the song came to an end. “I suppose so, wanna pick the song?”

Minji smiled. “Sure.”

It was these small moments that you kept digging up, even if it is surrounded by smiles and laughs. I wasn’t kind enough to her. I said the wrong things. I was selfish. And it slowly grew into something far more sinister. I am a bad person.

–

“Okay, I’ll post this and tag you all.”

After the group selfie, it was time for you to go back to your regular depression-inducing activities at university.

“I have to get going now. I have class tomorrow morning.” Slightly annoyed by the time restraint, it’s evening now.

“Don’t forget to tag me~” Minji would speak out, playfully, a façade for the fear of being excluded.

“What if I do?” You pointed a finger to your chin.

“I’ll block you, that’s what I’d do”

“Aww, I’d be so sad.” You sarcastically pouted, before giving a farewell, “Bye, babe. Bye, everyone.”, waving.

“See ya.”

That was the last time you’d see her face.

Upon reelings, you can only recall the words as a vague, half-hearted goodbye. Oh how you felt so secure with her back then you just gave some shitty farewell, unbeknownst to how it would stick with you as her final image of you – the fact that has been gripping you tightly ever since.

–

Maybe, in a way, it is to broadcast the insides of your heart to the world. It’s always been what you do best. You found yourself sitting down in front of your laptop, pondering on the word choices. You were walking on a minefield of words, avoiding repetitions that would make your readers groan at such occurrences.

It could’ve been easy - the one who left was the villain, and the one who found you is the typical manic pixie dream girl any man would want. You would boast it when you meet her again, saying something along the lines of “I won the breakup.”, or “Guess who’s crying now.”. It’s quippy, snarky, made-ready, and gives some sense of revenge to the readers, and to you.

It’s not hard to give in to the waning under the half-lit moon; the vengeance is too alluring. Still, perhaps it was that single, small spot in the dark sky - the one that keeps on flickering a signal. And it was decrypted into the ending you didn’t want, acceptance, even if the creeping clouds are slowly curtaining the sky. The star keeps on flickering, to guide you.

And you followed it. The piece didn’t get as much recognition as you’d like, as the grudges were, even if partly, let go, and only mentioned as your thorns. Yet, that day, those spikes were shed, for a new shell to form to protect you from your own hatred.

–

Three: Feels Like

–

Met you at the right time

This is what it feels like

–

You were told that it’s going to be some kind of joint committee between universities. And so, as one of the chosen, you are here, in such rare occasions of being in a suit. It’s tiring - you just got off from your senior project, internship is approaching in a week, right after the Christmas holidays. Yet, being given a few activity hours from your university isn’t a bad offer at the time.

Some classical music you’ve never bothered to look their names up were sent through speakers; they probably couldn’t afford a real band. The grandiose, dimly blue-tinted-lit hall was occupied by hundreds of representatives. Waiters were walking back and forth to corporate demands for the food and drinks. The sounds from all kinds of conversations are lighting this ball up. It’s, from a whim, lively for now.

As always, you felt out of place here. You’ve never been the type that would slot into a conversation with ease. Every word you say might be interpreted as an insult, a showboating of your dull wit. So, silence seemed to be the best choice here. You can’t have people see you as some lowly, dense, out-of-place ordinary guy.

You kept checking your watch, anxiously, it should have been eleven when you were to leave, and time gets slower on purpose. Words around you were slowly, but surely on its way to push you to your edge. There were a couple of people from your university too, just that they were nowhere to be seen. Maybe they are in the toilet? Maybe they can talk to strangers? Maybe they don’t want to be around you?

With every second ticked, an uneasy feeling crept up your body with confidence, eager to take control. Your eyes were stuck to your phone, with right thumb swiping short videos after another. Each one elicited a dopamine shot to keep the shadows at bay, but it could do just that. You know this stuff is going to shave off your attention span bit by bit, but not faltering in front of everyone now just matters more.

Until-

“Sorry.” A stark, yet tender voice shook you, despite its message. You expected someone to come take you into their company, but it’s still a long way to go to get rid of this shell.

You turned your head back until she’s in your vision. A short-haired woman stood before you, around your age; her lips formed a weak grin. Her left hand was holding an empty plate, though with a few hints of red velvet’s frosting on it. “Can I have some more cake?”

Her right hand was in her blazer pocket.

You realized you had been standing in front of the cake stand for the last fifteen minutes. Fuck, this is embarrassing. You immediately moved away from the front table. What if I was seen as some fucker guarding all those cakes?

“What’s with that face?”

“Uh—uh—” Being heavy in your thoughts can sometimes send some erratic, unwanted instructions to your facial features. This Fuck, this is embarrassing ordered the classic eyebrow squints, and a slight mouth frown.

“Are you seriously getting mad because I told you to move a bit?”

Ok, ok, shit, what the fuck is happening now. You were lost, failed to come up with a response. Those doe eyes were sure to be flammable with how you can feel trickles of sweat on your forehead now. First, you were all by yourself in what’s supposed to be a networking opportunity, and then this. This is how you are going to be viewed by these people now, an entitled, selfish asshole. A real chance pulled away from a single mistimed expr—

She pulled you back with her contagious simper. “I’m sorry. I was j—” She broke into another chain of laughter; there’s no reservation in those, like at all. “I was just fucking with you.” She put her right hand to cover her gaping mouth, while swaying her upper half back and forth like it was the funniest shit she has ever pulled.

You may have just felt the largest absolute emotional slope in your life - it doesn’t really matter in terms of good or bad, just closest to being a straight line. You let out a shaken sigh, then, without knowing, you can’t help but start laughing with her in unison.

“God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect you to be s–so anxious about that.” The hilarity subsided, as she was starting to regain her composure.

You replied with some remnants of the previous guffawing. “It’s fi—ha, ha, it’s fine.” Still taking in what’s just happened.

You finally got a proper look at her. And on that exact night you first met, she wore a gray blazer, perfectly compatible with her decent height, just a few inches shorter than you – did she get it tailored? The navy wide-leg pants she had on her really gave her this “young and rising executive” look. Her short hair was a bit messy, probably from all the walking and talking she had while finishing that poor red velvet cake.

Her nose was supposed to be the part that had you gawked, with how its bridge was flawlessly sculpted while still fitting with every other part on her face. And with the crimson lipstick on her plump lips, those features alone, perhaps, had Aphrodite working overtime.

Then, just a bit above those, her hazel eyes, the ones that will have you gladly trapped in it for hours. The sunsets you will be sharing is going to be reflected in her eyes, as you bring your face closer to hers, to realize that she’ll be the person you can, and want to spend the rest of your life with.

(We still need to come back to the first night though. You haven’t gotten much more of her personality than that joke.)

“So, aren’t you going out and talking to someone?” She asked, her right hand using the cake server to pick up the lone chocolate one in the center of the table.

“Well, uh, it’s kinda hard to explain” You gestured your hands into an “I don’t know” pose, moving them up and down a little to imitate a weighing scale, as if you know what’s on both sides.

She puts on her curious face, staring straight into your eyes, trying to pry out an answer. “Try me”

You tried to hit back with your straight face, ready to not give in to her request, but to no avail. Her stare was getting even more intimidating. God, that gaze is strong.

“Fine.” You replied, as she giggled with her victory.

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” She furrowed her eyebrows. She really looks like a confused bear with that face.

“Never have the courage to do it.”

“Well, you look like you have enough to talk to me.” She cuts the chocolate cake with her fork, before putting the piece into her mouth.

“That’s because you’re the one initiating.”

“Oka—“ She tried to reply with a stuffed mouth, but the content was still too big. She chewed it a bit more with her right hand covering her mouth, the other putting a stop sign on you. “Okay? And am I wrong for doing that?”

“No! I—“ Her right hand moved to her waist; she was burning you with her eyes, cheeks still moving. It is important that you don’t say the wrong words here. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome~” She twisted the last syllable into a melody, before letting out a cute giggle. “I’m Haewon by the way. And sorry for fucking with you a little too much.” She offered a handshake, which you reluctantly accepted.

You suspected that there’s something weird with her then, with how chatty she was with you. Who would be going around, talking like this to other people?

It turned out a few years later that you’re the weird one.

“Aren’t you supposed to have some friends with you?” Haewon continues her pressing on you.

Shrugged, “Yeah, but I lost them like an hour ago, so—", as you fanned your eyes around for the umpteenth time of the night. The crowd rumbled, but still no sight of your peers. “I really have nowhere to go.”

Haewon kept switching her gaze between you and the crowd, as if to make more topics and banters out of it.

“You wanna join?” Haewon finally locked you within her sight; her thumb pointed away, into the uncertainty of the crowd.

“Uh—"

It’s one of the few times you picked the right choice, even if it was clear as day.

“Let’s go then”

Joy gleamed her face, “Great, follow me”

Along with Haewon, you walked with her into the crowd. You bumped into some people who are apathetic to your action, and some even give you an understanding look, unbothered by your mistakes. The classical music blaring around seems to calm everyone down.

You’d finally reached a group of similarly-dressed students. “Welcome back Haewon, what took you so long?” One of them muttered out.

“Him.” Haewon replied, while looking at you and beams a smile.

–

Four: Cutie

–

Woke up in your orbit

Now where do I start?

–

Eighth wonder of the world: how the fuck can you secure a date with the royalty, Oh Hae-Won. You were aware – made known by her friends teasing you during a few group dates, knowing how Haewon has been spending a lot of time on her phone lately, too often with a grin on her face.

“Hey” Haewon appears behind you in a sudden, voices in your head are now scattered.

A little shocked, “Hey”.

White tee, brown, modern crossbody bag on her shoulder, light navy jeans, hair a little shorter from that day, topped wi—

“Haiyah!” Haewon calls out, snapping you out of your trance. “You’re doing that again, aren’t you.”

“Doing what?” You replied, hoping she didn’t notice your pondering, borderline ogling on her choice of garments.

“Thinking.” She taps her head lightly. “Like you were being hypnotized or something.”

Rebuttal, “No, I wasn’t?”, and your eyebrows are marred.

“Yes, you were. And the first time I met you was also like this; you were lost in your head, and staring at me like you were trying to gauge something out of me.” She retorts with an arrogant chuckle.

“Alright, alright, fine, I’m a daydreamer, and what’s the problem with that?” You deflect the guilt. Shit, what the fuck did I say?

“Well—" Haewon nibbles her chin while finding the word. “People don’t really like being stared at, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s a fair point, my bad.” The people pleaser inside you got the better of the debater.

“Hey, look, let me give you some advice.” Determination sparks in her eyes, her hands holding on to the string. “Don’t think, just—do it, or feel it, you know.” You aren’t quite sure how to play along with her words. “The reason I’m here today is because I see something in you, and I’m sure you see something under this pretty face.”

And it’s true, Haewon sparks a sense of an adventurer inside you, even if they’re through internet lines. She brings up quite a number of places in the city you’ve never even heard the name of, and thinking of the list is, to say the least, nauseating. But under the boulder, your determination to match her venturesome nature isn’t crushed after all.

“You’re speaking like one of those life coaches, you know.” You sarcastically reply with a chuckle.

“It’s called encouragement, get used to it.” She nicks your shoulder softly. “Shall we start the walk?”

“Sure.”

–

You two stride along the road, catching the sight of other sightseers, both local and foreign. Graffitis are etched into the walls by your sides, interspersed with numerous coffee shops aimed to lure gen z customers with their furnishings. And one seems to work on you guys, because you now have an iced thai tea, while Haewon has a matcha latte, also iced.

“So.” You cut the silence, taking a sip of your content. “Are you here often?” It’s one of the more “talky” questions you can think of right now. Your head slightly turns towards her; your eyes during the rest (more than half actually) of the work to catch her in the bullseye of your vision.

“This is just my second time, to be honest.” She replies, drinking her matcha. “And I love how these buildings look; they probably look gorgeous on your camera, don't they?”

“It’s a good substitute for my Tokyo needs.” You scoff, scanning over the old houses around you.

“Oh yeah, those photos did look breathtaking, I can see why.” She brings up the photos from over a year ago, letting out a tiny smile in the process. “I’ve been to Osaka once actually.”

Surprised, “Osaka? How come you haven’t told me this already?”, she has never brought it up during the six months you’ve known each other.

“I can’t describe it as well as you, really.” Haewon looks down, still strolling at the same pace as before. “Plus, it was just for a project. We didn’t have much time for sightseeing.” She mutters out, eyes fixated on the ground.

“I think it would be fun, please?” A chortle escapes you, thinking it would let her know your enthusiasm.

It’s quite a clear day for a rainy season - hints of white clouds here and there, but never enough to rage against your first date. You two remain at a distance, still, leaving a gap between your shadows.

“No, no, you even laughed at the idea of it, I won’t tell you that.” She calls you out, whimpering as the sentence ends.

The next thirty seconds go by in silence, the two of you keep glancing at each other, evading contact at any signals. People pass you by as you walk, widening the distance between the tip of your fingers. Guilt, fear, uncerta–

“I won’t laugh again, I promise.” You give her an assurance, and that’s the best you can do.

“Really?” She looks up at you, catching your honest compassion.

“If it’s funny, I might.” You chuckle. “But I’m sure it was a good experience for you.”

“Thanks.” You lit up a grin on her face, as she’s getting all excited to tell you about her adventure.

“So, this was like three years ago, back when I had just finished my freshman year, it was a subway surveying thing.” Haewon starts her tale, with you two turning left, now walking to the river. “I went with a group of people, and it was mostly lecturing around the tracks, really.” She chuckles. “So we had just the evening for ourselves for like, a week.”

“We went to a firework festival on the first day. God, it was so fucking crowded, but the sparking lights looked spectacular. They did the color work well.” As she tells the story, you can’t help but get immersed in the words. There’s clarity in the way she recounts it, greatly assisted with how often she says “flickering”, “cold”, “bright”, “exhausting”, “overwhelming”, and much, much more.

“The wagyu just melted in my mouth.”

“The system was confusing, to be honest, like a spider’s web, but they helped me with that a lot.”

“Yeah, it was fucking cold, and I brought so many shorts because I underestimated late spring Osaka.”

You two walk past some more old buildings and a few more cafes, with her story as the melody. It sweeps your leg like a damn good movie. How vivid the atmosphere she’s enamoring you in, how she’s so enthusiastic in her reminiscence, and how she grins and narrows her eyes upon any mention of food.

After a while, the river is finally in your view, as she’s getting through her final day at Marble Beach.

“I pulled a friend I made there to see the beach with me, and he said that it changed his life.” She laughs. “It was beautiful, you really should see it.”

A soft smile escapes you. “Well, I kinda get him, really.” You two finally reach the cement barrier, heighting just on your hips. It’s not too short that Haewon would have to throw a life ring to you, yet not too tall to obstruct your river view, enough for you to rest your arms on it as if you’re posing.

“Yeah, the Odaiba Beach, right? I saw the photos, once you mentioned that.”

[More dialogue]

–

“How far is your stop?”

“Four stations.”

“Wow, I’m on six, then interchange to another four.” She sighs at the daunting route, knowing she’d be alone.

The carriage slightly shakes as it takes a small turn. Sight of people are only a few; both of you are holding onto a pole in the middle. You’re gathering all the willpower to keep your weak hand from falling onto hers.

Haewon is looking out the window in the same direction as you, eyes examining the view outside - nocturne. “Have you ever gotten bored of this?” She asks, turning her sight to face you still looking out along.

You ponder for a moment. “It looks pretty at night.”

“That’s true, but it’s not the question.” She replies. “And the way you talk is strange, you know that? Especially with how you answer questions”

“Probably from watching a lot of movies, I guess.” You deflect.

“See? You did it again!” She points at you, unbeknownst to the inadvertently closing distance between your hands on the pole. “It’s not a peeve or anything, really, but I see that you always answer yes-no questions with a reason, not directly yes or no.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve got this complaint a bit often. I have to say the same thing twice, or even thrice to a lot of people.” You reply.

“They probably expect a yes or no, perhaps?” Haewon ends the playful nudge with a chuckle. “I don’t mind though; I can catch your words.”

You can only smile in response. “Yeah, you’re gonna have to do that for a while.” You laugh, in a volume that wouldn’t make it echo inside the whole train.

“Woah, getting daring just being with me for a day? I’m having a good influence on you~” Haewon playfully takes a jab.

“You’ll have a lot of influ–” You pause. “That’s the same joke, yeah, that’s the same joke, I’m not saying it.”

She laughs, not quite as contained as yours, attracting a few looks onto you. “Yeah, I’ll see my schedule first.” Her laughter would dissolve into a smile. “I think I can sort out a few things for us.”

Us. You can melt right here and now. The way she says it so easily is just too attractive. What does she think of me? Are we a thing now? Should I kiss her?

“U—Us?” You stutter out, mind flayed.

Haewon is locked onto her calendar. “Yeah, I know I’m not that good at planning but—” She meets your eyes. “Oh.”

[You are blushing and there’s going to be a kiss at the end of this chapter.]

–

Five: Party Police

–

You don’t have to leave

You can just stay here with me

Forget all the party police

We can find comfort in debauchery

= = =

The sound of the air conditioner fills the room, emulsified with your anticipation, forming a perfect cadence. The air between you is a mixture of both minty breaths you insisted the two of you to take a spearmint candy, the gender-neutral-honey-scented body wash both of you used in separate shower sessions, and the summer breeze air purifier Haewon bought from your first trip to the convenience store together.

You two are inside her room, sitting on the queen-sized bed, hands clutched between the hole your tangled legs make.

Haewon’s lips are slightly parted, as if their owner is about to make out a sound, yet the whirring fan blows any of her half-thought intentions away. And instinctually, to which you realized a few blinks later, yours are also making their own gap, and the whirring fan blows any of your half-thought intentions away.

“I—" Haewon would be the first to stabilize her frequency, ever so mildly fluctuated by your proximity. “I love you.” She can only confirm it in a whisper, barely vibrating the dormant air around you.

Yet, it seeps in, perhaps by the sincere nature in her voice. Haewon has never looked this fragile before, and your next move can actually ignite her neurons with blue flame this time.

“I—I love you t—too.” Flushed, presto heart rhythm, you muttered out these simple words. Resting air now shook with the expressions.

You’ve kissed her many times before, the end of the first date, the middle of the second date, the start of the third date, then a full on make out session during one of The Academy’s International Film nominees, with an unknowing crowd in the theater (it helps that the movie is quite a rare action triumph, so that the wet smooches of your lips are buried under clips after clips being unloaded, and the bullet cases clanking on the floor). Though, never once has it ended with her uncontrollably uttering fucks or shits, or even deity names neither above nor under you.

Haewon starts to lean closer to you, wholeheartedly knowing that this won’t be a normal kiss. Her head tilts so acutely, barely deviated from the axis. The small, deep hum from her throat is unexpected, with her eyelids closed and all. Yet, who are you to say no to her proclamation of love.

The expectations are high, yours, hers, on this kiss to capture much more than your lips. It’s both of your first times after all. And with the contact, you can’t help but match her tone in lovestruck. Hands are still stationed, too afraid to take this further, until they aren’t yours that touches a face first. Haewon fondles your cheeks with both of her hands as the kiss ensues, persuading you to reciprocate, and you do.

Fervor rises along the ticks of all the clocks, Haewon pierces the gap you opened with her tongue, invading your mouth. You gasp in shock, signaling her to break off from the session.

“Shit, are you okay?” Haewon’s eyes enlarged, her breathing still out of rhythm.

Giggling, “No, no, no, just a little shocked, let’s continue”, as you initiate the action this time, hands holding her cheeks, tongue sweeping the insides of her mouth.

Again, fervor rises along the ticks of all the clocks, the sound of the kiss becomes the only thing you can hear now. It’s wet, a little salty, albeit ardent, and rapturous.

And with an unknown source of bravery, your hand traverses down from her cheeks, grazing her neck. Haewon hums a minim into your throat as your fingers hit the ridge of her chest. And through the fabric, you give her left mound a squeeze, eliciting another two-beat note from her. Tender, addictive are the first few words as your fingers sink into the cloth, and the desire arises.

Your voice, muffled through the kiss, and raspy in hunger, asks such a bold question. “Fuck, God, Haewon, may I suck on them?”

Haewon would hum another note into your mouth, before unlatching from the torrid endeavor. “Make me moan, and don’t use your teeth.” She commands.

It’s all instinctual now, don’t think, just feel echoes. You playfully push Haewon onto the bed, eyes focus on your targets. The rhythm of her ragged breaths now takes over the room.

You run your hands down her luscious curves, feeling every hill and hollow on the fabric, before hitting an edge. ”May I?” As you grab the hem of her shirt, so eager to expose her.

”Of course, babe”

Permission granted, you swiftly pull the edge of her garment up, with her putting her arms up for easy exposure. The stream of the sight of her somewhat toned midriff, perky chest, and collarbones runs through your eyes, and it’s almost too heavy to take it in. “Fuck.” And you can only give a profanity for it.

“I know, right?” She responds, chuckling.

Magnetized, and sudden, your lips latch onto her left, brown peak, coating her breast with your saliva. She complies with your action under you, letting out a symphony whenever your mouth is right at the top of her areola, right before leaving, then swallowing it again.

The buds, excited, erect under your touch. This seems to go on for minutes. You keep switching between her left and right mounds, one hand kneading the mound that isn’t currently savored, with the other traversing her upper body, marking every square inch as yours. You won’t get bored of this easily, especially with her moaning this loud.

“More, baby, more” Haewon pleads. Her hands start to push your head onto her erect nipples now.

If you’re going to be honest, it tastes just like any other part of a human body: skin, with some honey aroma after the shower. Perhaps it’s desire, perhaps it’s ardor, or perhaps it’s love, maybe all of them together, you were drawn to them. Her writhing cries only fuel the attraction further, and the force you use with your lips.

Until–

“Fuck, fuck–, yeah.” She whines. “That–That’s good, but I want more now, baby.” Haewon mutters in the same pitch as her moans, unable to retain her usual deep tone. “You seem to– love my tits– a lot, don’t you.” Her talking is constantly cut short to make ways for the ragged breaths.

“Twenty-one years of drought, babe” You chuckle, turning your head to face hers, chin hovering above her hard nubs.

“You wanna use your mouth or your dick, huh?” Slightly annoyed, yet excited, and perhaps too lecherous that she comes off as a horny cutie joke bear. “I gotta cum first, or at the same time with you, isn’t it” She seems to be aware of how your body works, and she’s right. You don’t wanna risk being unable to get yourself up again within five minutes, while she waits, unattended.

”Damn, babe, you’ve come prepared.”

”No?, I’m gonna come with you here!” She lets out another laughter, breaking the lustful mood a bit. God, she just can’t go a minute without making a joke. Her pursuit in digging any giggles out just kills you every time, even if that means the problems were hardly addressed, tingling a small part of you on the occurrences.

You sink into the glee with her. “Oh fu— fuck off babe.” But this lustful tryst just drives you into a whirlpool right now. You quickly dispose of your shorts (why the fuck would you guys even wear clothes if you’re just going to fuck after???), freeing your delirious digit.

“God.” Haewon stares at your erect cock in awe, twitching, a glint of concern in her eyes. You wouldn’t say that it’s exactly big, but it’s enough to make her gulp. “Do I have to take all of this?”

“I’ll push slowly.” You replied, panting from the brimming anticipation.

Without a word, Haewon yanks her shorts away. Another stream of her eden, thighs, and the full lower body strikes you. And Haewon is now bare in front of you, glowing, despite her cheap light hanging above. You want to cherish this moment forever, freeze it in time, or at least just slow down a bit. Oh Hae-Won trusts you enough to expose herself, fully, in front of you. And you aren’t sure which gesture can compare to this as her proclamation of love (maybe a marriage proposal, but let’s not get into that yet).

“I thought you’d do it slower”

“All that foreplay got me so fucking turned on, babe, plus, I’m not on the shy side.”

��The nipple sucking?”

“Yeah, that meal you just had. Also, take off that shirt, I wanna feel all of you.”

Ordered, you hastily get rid of the last piece of garment, tossing it into the void, following your shorts. Both of you are now fully naked, only the cold, compressed air is your barrier now.

“Good, now come here” She says with a wink, provocative, commanding, yet so greedy. Haewon is resting on her back, with her elbows lifting her abdomen just a little from the bedsheet, enough to face you without much eye movement, smiling with desire. She bends her left leg a little, and it drives you crazy.

Fuck, she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, perhaps ranked among the gods: Hera, Artemis, Athena, Hestia, and Haewon’s victory is a certainty. She can even go bar for bar against Aphrodite, her own creator, under this cheap room lamp. And you can’t just wait to be tied to this lady with her deity-defying charm with such an intimate act.

“You want my cock that bad, Miss Oh?” You slowly, to make it a tease, slide your knees against the bedsheet towards Haewon, getting closer to her, inch by inch. Haewon opens her leg, giving you permission and space to be in her proximity. Her eden is now in view, glistened with arousal.

“There’s just this thing, ma’am, that I wanna take a sample of first.” Playfulness is attached in your message. She’s still on her elbows, heads slightly tilted at your defiance, as if you also have a god-challenging act in your pocket as well. And with some more inspection, it’s apparent that Haewon isn’t a firm believer in having cleanly-shaved hair, and somehow, this kind of nature just drives you into a frenzy.

“And what is it, mister?” Haewon asks, still with seduction, eyes locking on yours.

“You.” And without another word, you dive face first onto her wet, needy sex. Your nose is pressed against her mound, pubic hair brushes against it, but the “distraction” never succeeds in repelling you away. Further, it feeds the ferocity inside you to take in her scent, with a deep breath. With the sight alone, you thought you reached your limit, yet, spellbound under her musk, a hint of sweat, the honey-scented body wash, and her mildly tart aroma from the inside sends you into a literal mind break, like a morning coffee. Haewon is fucking addictive, and you can’t go a single day without her smell.

“She s–smells good, doesn’t s–she?” Her voice starts to quiver again, as your nose tickles her hair.

Meanwhile, your tongue, with a mind of its own, is lapping up her nectar, savoring the salty, tangy taste of her canal. Her sensitive nub, the one you’re sure it’s clitoris, is now stuck in your philtrum. Every swipe just grazes it, eliciting squeals from her.

“F–fuck.” Haewon cries out, starting to get lost in her immediate pleasure, “Ah.”, and your enthusiasm. “Just f-five minutes babe.”

Mouth busy in a sinful act, you hum an affirmative note out. Her vagina is now coated with your saliva, mixed with her lubricant. And with each time you pull yourself out, there’s sometimes a string of the cocktail connecting your lips to her sex - a thread between you and her.

At first, it’s a savoring session of her taste, for you, but as her wailing grows louder, you can only be curious about the limit. And without hesitation, you give her clitoris a brush - the same way you suck her nipple. As your lips contact, delicate, her moans would reach such a forte to the point you’re quite sure that everyone in the dorm would be able to hear.

Conspiring her frustration, “Want a few more, babe?”, you retreat your ministrations to her pale thighs, making a few marks here and there, robbing the pleasure that was once hers.

“Fuck you.” Haewon groans out. “Please, keep eating my pussy, please.”

You bring your fingers into play, caressing her inner trunks. And, with instinct, you slip yourself under her ass. Your eyes are still locking on her wet hole, and she seems to gush out streams of honey now. “Y–You are f–fucking insuf–” She moans out as you relentlessly withholding the release she deserves.

“Can’t hear with my hands under your ass, babe” It’s as if something possessed you into a womanizer, a shot of complacency.

Haewon would be able to muster up her remaining inhibition to define you with an adjective. “I–Insufferable.”

“That’s a little mean.” Your hands give her firm butt a squeeze, feeling the soft flesh. This is probably how Indiana Jones felt when he got his hand on the golden idol: like an ascendant. “Considering how soft your ass is.” You lick just beside the spot, motioning parallel to the pink labia.

Haewon groans in frustration, climax stolen by a thief. “Sh–shut the fuck up and put that tongue to use!” In forte, all the pent up energy can crush you into bits and pieces in minutes, while you are still drawing circles around your supposed target, pushing her to the edge of wrath, right before it turns into destruction. “FUCK!”

You are actually scared of her now, and perhaps the complaints of her neighbors about some tenant bossing a guest around in the nocturne. So, complying, you put your tongue to use, taking another sample of the mixture, tasting her and yourself again.

“Good boy, yeah, like that.” She whimpered out, being put back en route to paradise.

Constant pace, don’t go too fast. You tell yourself an advice you’ve read somewhere years ago, and you do as it says. You try to keep the speed the same, but it’s starting to get harder as Haewon decides that she needs something to hold on to, which is, unfortunately, your head. I once had a guy go too fast when I told him I’m gonna cum, and that was the ride down, my mood died completely. A comment you’ve seen somewhere pops up.

Your jaw can never get tired, if it is to devour her into ecstasy. But the force pressed upon your head is starting to be a double-edged sword to her, a place to hold on to, and the act that might close the golden gate.

The five minutes she gave earlier might come into use.

“B—babe.” You cry out between licks, voice muffled. “I wanna use my cock now.”

Haewon lets go of the grip she has in your hair locks, as she looks down from her lying position. “Really?” Expectations running high, she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Alright.” She thwarts her arm along the bed for a little while, a little lost, until she catches her colorful spot-covered pillow. And without any word, you help Haewon lift her hips up to insert the fluffy object below, bringing her puckered hole into your focus.

Tranced, “Can I taste it?” the words fell out without any restrictions.

“Don’t fucking kiss me again if you do; I don’t wanna taste my asshole.” Haewon commands, trying to regain her composure. “Maybe another day.”

You whine out. “Ugh, fine.” Before getting on your knees for the main event.

You use her spread thighs as a handle while aiming with your eyes. You line up your twitching digit on the center, resting it on her now-swollen clit. And a small whimper from Haewon would reach your ear, fueling your fire.

“You want this inside you, huh?” You tease, sliding your shaft against her core from the outside, glazing yourself with her honey resting on the nub.

“Fuck… yeah, I—I want it inside.” Haewon chokes out at your heavenly connection; her attempt at putting any façade is crumbling.

Slowly, your rod still above her center, you traverse your hands up her immaculate legs, onto her stomach. Her breaths are now short, out of any earlier rhythm, as your touch starts to overwhelm her senses. “F—fuck.” You’d only move upwards, creeping up her beautiful chest, until they are up for your hands to conquer. She’s yours now.

Now, you have her tits as a grip, ever so carefully fondling them while slowly juggling the movements: your hands squeezing, your hip thrusting, and your upper body leaning in to see her giving in closer and closer. It’s all there, eyes fluttering, lips shaking, loud moaning, and her whole firm frame writhing under you.

You aren’t going in for a kiss, really, but she forces you nonetheless. Hands gripping the sides of your head, Haewon would scream from the overstimulation, all restricted in your mouths, into you, letting out any control she has left.

“Babe.” You mutter out. And even slightly distorted by fervor, she’d break off from the locks under your voice.

Mouth agape, she looks into your eyes, using the final bit of her inhibition to predict your next words. “You can put it in, baby.” And you can only smile.

You guide your rod down to her engine, but neither of you has ever been more ready to ignite the moans. Your left hand has her thigh on the same side as a handle.

Wet, indeed, she welcomes you. The excessive preparation gives easy access, and you become the same groaning lump as she was, swallowed by rapture. In the wake of bliss, you tilt your head down until the sight of your disappearing cock is in the frame, inch by inch.

The insides of her tighten when you reach halfway, and you can feel your tip grazing a rough patch. “Fuck!” Haewon’s body tenses up, and she lets out a higher note than usual. You also pitch a sound lower than hers, but also noticeably higher than your regular octave.

You slowly bury yourself up to the hilt, now able to let go of your flesh. Haewon stutters a moan out when your patch makes contact with her.

“S–Seems like you can handle all of me, babe.” Your voice is quivering, without any movement to your body. You keep yourself whole with her.

Haewon can only whimper in response.

“I-I’ll start fucking you now.” You say as you start to grind your hips back. Haewon nods, giving you the right to control the pace.

Your cock, at an agonizing speed, comes back into view. You can feel the muscles inside gripping you and how the rough patch grazes the top of your digit, evoking staccatos from her. God, anyone would kill to be in your position right now.

And at the halfway point, it’s where you push back in again, still carefully. Haewon surrenders any power she has now, with her g-spot being pleasured by another person for the first time. The suffocating squeeze she has on you persists, sending waves of pleasure around your dick.

It becomes a loop: retreat and thrust, retreat and thrust, and you finally find your rhythm. It’s ecstatic - the way her flesh embraces you. You repay her accommodation with a little angling, aiming for the sensitive patch in the second step. Both of you are lost now, blinded by the passionate endeavor you’re engaging in.

Haewon’s brain can only register euphoria, howling as your tip brushes against the g-spot. And you are no better, bucking hips back and forth, chasing your release while huffing out such notes you could hit before the existence of your Adam’s apple. The only concern now is that your roller coaster would reach its peak before hers.

“Hey, I t–think I’m gonna c–cum now.” Haewon’s words came out tattered, divided by exaltations in her groans. It's a heaven’s message, as you can also feel your climax close by.

Keep your pace; don’t go faster.

You make no attempt to go rougher with your drilling; she’s already a blushing, wailing mess under Allegro Vivace. You can also feel a knot starting to form inside of you, begging to be untangled. “M–Me too, babe.”

Haewon’s moans become even louder than the oral session minutes ago; her orgasm is close by. You can feel the way her vagina contracts around your movements, and you aren’t far from it, either.

Two lost souls search for intimacy, and they eventually find each other. And the mistakes they’ve made don't matter anymore. The people they’ve passed through, either able to find solace or dissonance, have become nothing more than a plot device to drive them forward, for them to meet. And even if the future remains clouded, it’s just them at this exact moment, becoming each other’s sanctuary.

“FUCK!” Haewon cries out. As her hip convulses, bending your digit slightly. She pulls her legs back, feet touching her pale ass before they go up in the air. Haewon cums, violent, ferocious, cathartic. Her whole body tenses up; her tits are shaking. Her walls tighten around you, begging to milk every upcoming drop of you until dry.

You take in the view but can only register a few words to describe how you feel right now: fuck, and god. She screams from the top of her lungs to accommodate such pleasure. And isn’t it a symphony that’s so pleasing to hear, knowing that they are products of your doings?

Haewon’s breathing starts to slow down, but seeing how she becomes undone beneath, you quicken your thrusts to chase the high you’re anticipating. “Fuck!” Under sensitivity, Haewon squeals.

“Do you want me to slow down, babe? I can still cum no matter the pace.” With care, you ask.

“I–I wanna t–try.” Her syllables come out in stutters, “Keep going.”, as your length rams into her cunt even faster than before her high.

You keep your fast, lively tempo, and that seems to be the right choice. You can play the melody faster, yet you already fail to register all the fucks and shits, Haewon mutters out while being pounded. You’re guided by your intuition at this point. It builds up inside your stomach, calling to be broken free. You feel your legs wobbling like jello, and your awareness of whether there’s any left, opposite Haewon’s, has left your body already.

And with a single, final thrust, “FUCK!” you bend yourself down to capture her lips, screeching all the satisfaction from your high into her mouth. Spurts of cum released into her welcoming cunt, while you basically buried yourself inside her, twitching under orgasm. Haewon moans into your mouth at each of your vibrations. Lustful, your tongues are swirling inside each other’s mouth, tasting each other as much as you can.

Thick cum is still discharged into her, painting her insides with white. And slowly, you start to slide down from the precipice. Your cock still twitches inside her cunt; the remaining cum only dribbles out from the hardness now. The kiss remains magnetic; you two are too hungry for each other. You can only taste the mint candy from earlier.

Finally, it breaks, a string of saliva connects your lips together, as both of you are bathed in the afterglow. Haewon’s face is drenched from her own sweat, panting, and smiling. “I love you.” She mouths, trying to make sense of her heart rhythm, soft breaths touching your face.

You’re still panting, attempting to take in her words. Even if they’re the same as from the beginning, when the clothes are still barriers between you, it sears you this time. A lock has been solved, yet you are still questioning the contents inside the box.

Then, you realize that it’s your heart, “I love you too, babe.”, and it can explode right here. Love floods, lust flows, binding you two together, in the vast sea of possibilities.

Haewon smiles before pulling you into another kiss. This one is much less passionate than the ones preceding, but it’s, nonetheless, affectionate. The way she captures your lips is too confident for you to be unsure about the attachment she gives you, and that might be the first time in your life that you’re so certain of someone else’s love, and her name is Oh Hae-Won.

Exhausted and spent, you let yourself fall onto her side, looking up. Your left arm is resting on her collarbones. “Fuck.” Your vocabulary seems to shrink under ecstasy as the cadence rings too loud for you to think properly.

“That was fun.” Haewon scoffs, before turning her bare frame towards you, head resting on her hand. “We should do this more often.”

“Should? I’m fucking you everywhere, babe.” You reaffirm with a simper.

“Shit.” Haewon chuckles before seeming to remember something. She quickly gets up from the bed. “I’ll go pissing first. It’s this–”

“UTI. Yeah, I’ve read about it.” You cut her off to show off your knowledge of sex education. “Can we cuddle after?” You plead, attempting to make a cute face.

“Sure.” She laughs, pointing at you. “If you don’t mind having your back getting a bit wet.”, and you can only smile back at her. Haewon would saunter out to her bathroom with a slight limp, managing to sway her reddened cheeks. Fuck.

And despite the low light, you can see drops of your cum, dribbling a shine down her legs. “Are you going to clean th–”

“No.” She winks before disappearing into the bathroom, leaving a trail of nectar in her path.

You bite your lip in another rise of your arousal.

–

You hear the sound of tap water running from inside the bathroom before the lock clicks. Haewon appears in front of your eyes again, still naked.

“I kept the promise.” She says.

Immediately, still on her bed, you press your vision down her body. Her pussy remains glistened with your white cum, mixed with her tangy lubricant. Perhaps your saliva is also blended into the liquid.

“God, Haewon.” Again, your mind goes blank. “It has been just five minutes. I really can’t do that.”

Haewon chuckles, swaying her alluring hips closer to you. “I know.” Before she pounces you on the bed, staining the sheets with your fluids. Haewon prints a few kisses here and there, usually in the proximity of your lips and neck. And, in disbelief, you watch over her body to see that the five-minute gap is enough for your cock to be ready again.

“Fuck.”

Haewon’s glance follows yours to your erection.

“Another round, babe?”

–

Six: Just Another Girl

–

Now why can’t I sleep at night?

And why don’t the moon look right?

–

Sunlight peeks through the gap in your curtains, casting on the blanket that’s covering any visual hints of last night’s debauchery. Her arms retain their restrictive nature, an environment you’d enthusiastically enlist for. Her fingers barely interlocking on your heart, feeling the thrumming lullaby she holds on to like the greatest hits.

Her chest is pressed against your back, and the fact that you notice this (and how you savored their peaks last night with such unbeatable hunger) only entices your morning wood to last longer than it should’ve. You snuggle into her embrace further, establishing yourself as hers and pressing yourself into her perky breasts even harder, wanting to feel every inch of them.

“Hmm?” Haewon finally wakes up, fading her tightness wrapped around you.

Slightly panicked, you grab her escaping hand onto your warm skin. “Hey.” And you greeted her.

Haewon chuckles. “Oh, this boy needs a hug, huh?”

You close your eyes and hum in agreement, since her embrace becomes another gesture you’ve grown to love now, even if it was discovered just a few minutes ago.

“How was last night, my baby boy?” She questioned you with a tiny simper.

You can only chuckle along. “Cathartic, babe, but I’m not doing the whole mommy thing right now.”

Haewon laughs. “Okay, fine, I’ll ask you properly later, though.”

The cuddle went on for minutes. You are unwilling to let her go after such intimacy you had. After a while, you notice the scar on your chest. This may be the time you show her, but you need bravery. And you’re not sure if love could muster it up.

[A paragraph demonstrating Haewon’s good influence on you and how you’ve influenced her]

“I wanna tell you something, with us being this bare and such.” You gathered a little courage to speak up, adamantly attempting to show her your so-called scar.

Haewon would let out a tiny chuckle at your cheap joke. “Unload them to me, babe.” She lets out another tiny chuckle, resting her head on a makeshift stand of her fist. You can’t help but join along with her.

“Oh my god, fuck you.” You said, along with a laugh.

“You just did.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll start now, don't distract me this ti—" You let out a small giggle, as she’s still soaked in her own hilarity. “It’s like seven years of story; trust me, it’s more fun than you’d think.”

“Seven years? Is it like, a long-term heartbreak or something, and what’s with you making everything into a story, catastrophic or not.” Haewon asks.

“Well—” You contemplate - whether to spoil the ending for her or not, but she can probably guess by the way you purposefully hold out the information in lieu of instantly answering. “Seven years ago, in late April, I just started high school.”

You can see the late morning sunlight reflected in her eyes, single-minded on your tale.

“You want me to close the curtains first?” You direct your thumb toward the gap.

“No need, plus, you look better with the light.” She smiles, sincerity can be felt from it, maybe it’s the way the light drapes on your right half of her face.

“Thanks, babe, okay, where was I— Yeah, seven years ago, late April, high school.”

–

“And then I met you.”

“You know that you’re the asshole in this one, right?” Haewon hits you with such a question.

Certainty of a weeping eluded, “Fuck, not even a single tear?”

“Wow, this lack of self-awareness is concerning, babe, and this is out of love.” She scoffs. “You’re the bad guy here.”

“Look, I’ve been telling myself about the same statement since that day, so yeah, Haewon, I’m aware that I’m the asshole in this story.”

“Were you hurt by it or something?” Haewon asks with genuine curiosity, she caught the sadness in your tone, yet unable to make sense of it. Her head remains resting on her fist, albeit making a ninety degrees apart from you.

“I— yeah, I know it was my fault, but—“ You avert her gaze, staring at the blanket covering her midriff. “It was five years, almost. And it still hurts sometimes whenever I see something that reminds me of her.”

Haewon would give you a blank expression; her next words are unpredictable.

“I kinda— get the idea? You can’t deal with college life, so she becomes a–no, the source for you to vent shit. And one day, it became too much, with that fight making it wor–no, apparent.” It’s nothing short of incredible that she gets all of it within the first iteration and gives you the much-needed feedback (even if you’ve already considered this possibility).

“And she wants you to get better. She didn’t think she could be the person you could rely on anymore. This is how I see it.” With ease, Haewon recounts the most plausible explanation, the one you’ve been avoiding accepting.

“Yeah, it’s…” You resist the urge to argue with her point, realizing that such emotional manipulation cannot work. Perhaps the amount of self-awareness poured in just doesn’t work anymore. “You’re right.”

“There’re some points that I… kinda understand you? Like the whole being insecure stuff, but all of this is just a shitshow, babe. You even write a fic about it.” A tiny simper leaves her mouth.

“Spielberg made a film about his parent’s divorce; Taylor Swift has, well…”

“Steven’s was like… sixty years? And I think Taylor can be an asshole, to be honest, aside from All Too Well.” Haewon replied without a delay.

“Agree to disagree.” You can only sigh afterward, and maybe it’s the way your breath taps on her chest more heavily than it should or the way you avert the eye contact you’ve been maintaining.

“Hey, are you okay?” Her doe eyes hints concern, while the fingers lightly caress your cheek.

Destined, your tears well up just a little, but enough for you to detect and hold back. “Kinda.”

Haewon lets out a sigh, the back of her free fingers still fondling your cheek. “I’m sure you’ve changed.”

“It's been more than two years now.” Your lips quiver. “B–But telling you here, it’s just…”

Like the first time with your therapist, like the first time you tell your colleagues, your tears are always on the hinge as the story ends.

“I know I can’t fix it - this whole weird love-hate relationship of yours.” She finally sits up. “But I know you aren’t the person you were.” Your cheeks are suddenly cupped by both of her hands. “And as long as you… try to be better, I’ll be with you.” Haewon ends her speech with a caring look.

Nothing in her deliverance is poetry-worthy; they’re basic quotes you’d find in the self-help books. Though, the words not coming from some self-centered guy melts the cynic inside you, and that’s when tears start to fall.

“I also know that it hurts, even if you’re the one who’s wrong.” She softly cheers up.

Through the sobs, “Y–You’re quite di–direct, babe.” You try to wipe the tears off your watering eyes.

She lets out a sympathetic titter. “I’m not the best at this, sorry.”

“I-It’s fine. Thanks for being here.” You succumb to the lamentation, crying your heart out, as Haewon embraces you. Maybe it’s the way you’re naked on someone else’s bed, maybe it’s the way her chest presses up against your chin, or perhaps it’s the way she puts her leg over yours as if she’s using a side pillow, but you’ve never felt more vulnerable in your life. And you’re probably being engulfed by it under the right person.

–

Epilogue: Keeping Tabs

–

I wish I never met you.

You are the worst thing that I’m still

Keeping tabs on for some stupid reason.

–

“It’s quite a lot of stations, babe. Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah–”

It was your birthday two days ago. How old are you now, twenty-five? Three years after graduation, you rejected a job offer from Japan because you didn't want to leave your girlfriend. Not that it was a wrong choice, since the number of fights, sex, and after-fight, angry, heated sex between you and Haewon sits on the average rate.

Further, not having to buy a plane ticket every time you want to see your parents, or your friends is definitely a plus. Just a few hours after the plane landed in Narita, you want to break Japan’s immigration law. God, those streets are miles better than what you have at home.

It seems that trying to reach Odaiba Beach from Meguro Sky Garden takes an hour, plus walking. Sure, it’s ninety minutes to sunset, but you can feel doubts in her voice and your own. It’s the few final days, and all of your words hyping this exact place up only make her feral.

“Maybe we can make it if we start walking now, instead of like– arguing over this.”

Haewon shoots you a glare. “This trip would go to waste if we can’t make it before sunset.” And she takes a step towards you, pointing at your chest. The sun still casts a long shadow of her on the ground.

“Waste?” You arch your eyebrows. “Says the one who spent a whole fucking day at Shinjuku to sweep Uniqlo’s stocks.”

The wind blows over the metal fence, assorted colors of leaves swirling around you.

Her eyes remain fixated on you, before giving an apologetic expression. “Yeah that’s fair. It’s a bit of a quickfire for me on that.”

You snap a photo of her before replying. “Those cardigans are cheaper here anyway, don’t worry.”

She reaches for your camera, X-E4, examining the image of her, and smiles. “Let’s go.” Before leading you, handheld, to the elevator down from the garden.

–

“God.”

“It seems like we’re here at the right time” You speak, before taking another photo of Haewon, showered under the orange of the setting sun.

Haewon is left speechless at the sight in front of her: Rainbow Bridge, salmon sky from the sunset, tinged with clouds, some purple, red, orange. You think it’s probably from some kind of refraction. People aren’t scarce, but to say that there’s a crowd is an overstatement. It’s pretty much the same as in your memory from five years ago. How are the people in my photos doing now?

Similar to the last time, when the breakup was just over a month, you take in the view. It’s just that you aren’t basked in melancholy anymore. Sure, you’re still keeping tabs on her every few months, but it’s nothing more than a blocklist check. You aren’t ready to face Minji, really, and not seeing each other again would be a kind gesture by the gods. However, the hate etched into your wrists isn’t quite as visible anymore.

Still, you can’t play down her impact on your life. In spite of the indirect nature of the teachings, you learned how to love and what to do with one.

“I’ll be back, babe. I’ll see if I can swim to the bridge from here.” Haewon speaks out, like the first encounter, snapping you out of your trance.

Shook, “I’ll wait here; make sure not to get swept into the sea.”, and you joke, smiling.

“See ya.” Haewon grins back, gesturing a goodbye, before stepping out towards the water.

–

[A few paragraphs leading up to the encounter with Minji again; yeah, it’s a little anticlimactic for you to see this in your first read, sorry]

You failed to say a word to her, and there may not be any second chance for this.

It’s funny, miles away from where you’ve feared most. No soul in the world would’ve expected this.

The sun continues on its path, too busy rushing to make its predetermined setting time, ergo apathetic to the colors it casts onto the sky and the way Minji is elegantly bathed by it. Her features are frozen, you alike, mouth slightly ajar. Waves crashing onto the sand keep filling in the silence between you, each encouraging your heart to push out a syllable you’re choking. There’s no battle on who would give in to snapping back into reality first since the argument on the encounter being a dream is too plausible.

Though less often as time goes on, Minji has been your recurring nocturnal figure. Occasionally, she appears as the one who has disregarded your cries during those final days – unresponsive, cold, unaware of your collapse. If not, it’s you and her enamored in what you’ve always wanted her to see, conversing like high school students again. Either way, you usually classify the world surrounding you as nightmares after the alarms are off, almost always with tears welling and ragged breaths, as if her presence alone is enough to give vitality to your nights.

But if this is a lucid dream, both of you would’ve laughed by now, under the Odaiba Beach sunset. Memories are washed away into the sea, making way for you to run along the shoreline, free from any grievances. You wouldn’t go as far as saying that it could’ve been her on the flight here with you, even if the potential of it touches you in more than one way.

The bewilderment of meeting her in where’s supposed to be your sanctuary hasn’t faded one bit. It clouds the fact that she has preserved her high ponytail. She grips her denim jacket ever so tightly while slightly parting aside from the center, revealing a pitch-black turtleneck shirt beneath. The brown string crossing her body is holding her likely expensive handbag resting on the side of her hips. All of these are topped with beige, all-creased pants, undercut with sneakers of the same color, or not, you don’t seem to care anymore.

Voice notes and texts are woven into a tapestry, the one you and she cut as your paths diverged. Yet, your threads, somehow, have been remaining set to interlock with each other again after all this time. The track was divided into a parallel, just with a sea of hatred, sometimes reflecting a spark of care.

It’s still clear as day, the way she left you blind, likely without remorse, any glimmer of hope was eradicated with blocks on social media. The way you tell the version of your story enough times for you to find the median and average spot where people would start to cry. And not that you were left unshaken with each iteration; you just stop before giving in to the sorrow hanging off the edge of your tear ducts. And at one point, it became another tale, a cult classic to you.

Still, this is no place and time to assert your wounds anymore. It’s Tokyo, and five years have passed. Getting one over her shouldn’t matter anymore, you know that. What’s left to achieve in triumph is just plunging the dagger into yourself once more, revisiting how shaken you have been without her for all these years. And three, you’re the one on the wrong side.

Plus, it’s not so awful that she left, even if it casts you in a state of bereft in the first few months. You deleted her photos, and both of you blocked each other. You learned to collect yourself up again, shredding what was once shared while coming to terms with the ones rooted in the essence of you, learning to let them be shared with others. The cadence doesn’t entirely sound like it was, yet it’s what you’ve accepted as days pass.

You still hate her; it’s a known fact. I fucking hate you rings true to this day - a half-thought during a fire burned into your wrists, calling out to be crossed off. Guilt, shame, and self-loathing have been rooting off it, yet you can’t bleed the source out.

In the shadows that the sun cast, you feel a twitch in the corner of your mouth - the determination to conceal any hints of glee at her presence is trying to keep itself afloat. Another gulp in your throat only delays the inevitable; your cheek is trembling from an unknown feeling. It’s teasing the brim. It’s tasting the uncertainty. It’s towering over your hatred. And it brings the nocturnal summer wind that embraced you on the first day at high school, the day she picked up her name tag when everything was in the right place.

“Kim Min-Ji.” Your teacher called as she stood up to pick up her name tag.

“I like you.”

And it flows through you–

“Him? Not really.”

“God, you suck at badminton.” You did “outscore” her by quite a margin (twenty-one to six).

–all the words you’ve said–

“I’ll probably be a doctor. You haven’t chosen yours yet?”

–all the words she has said–

“I think she’s the one.” (She wasn’t.)

“These early mornings are killing me.” Her high school project was killing her.

“Yeah, I can’t be bothered with all this studying. I’ll probably make some nice portfolio and pray.”

–all the dreams drawn together–

“If someone wants to enter here, they can just look at these pics and follow the instructions. It might not be for everyone, I guess. I still wish I could help them, though.”

“I really fucked up a lot during quarantine, like my mental state was dwindling.”

“Now I’m going to be a tired doctor all my life.” She scoffs, downplaying her success.

“This place is filled with rich people.”

–all the struggles vented–

“God, I look so pretty in this.” The red lipstick looks good on her; you wish you knew the exact shade.

“We need to recreate this photo; you stand here.”

“See ya.” She said, not knowing it would be the last time you would see each other face to face.

“Really fucking drunk right nowww, just wanna say you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, like definitely top five, haha.” It was a drunk text in a bar under the blaring music.

–all the love proclaimed–

“I’ll probably have to study another year. You’re still invited to my graduation, though. We’d be like twenty-six by then, right?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have done that, too.”

“I fucking hate you.” The line that became a part of you ever since.

–and the ending.

“Don’t message me anymore; just go live your life separately. Have a pleasant life.”

Are you sure to delete 525 photos permanently?

This action cannot be undone.

Delete Permanently

It’s as if someone made a supercut of you two.

It's excruciating, the way it seeps through your brain, the same one that hung you to be ravaged by the abyss. A wave of serotonin washes over your face, sheathed within the Tokyo Bay’s serenity. And a smile forms, over five years of her name being a crucifixion. It’s you breaking the cadence, and you can only beg her to accept it.

Alas, you have never been in the position to ask for anything. You’ve always been the convict in the sad songs supposed to bury you under their alphabets, robbing the sorrow you meant to drown into. You are her mistake, one that she’s likely so enthusiastic to cross off in her diary.

Yet, under the setting sun, in such a foreign place, and after years of it, maybe she forgets, maybe she forgives, or perhaps she doesn’t care about it. But if even it is written in the sand of Odaiba Beach, it would also be etched on the same wound you see on your pulse, that Kim Min-Ji reciprocates your smile, with a chuckle even, back bent forward the same way you remember to accommodate such elation.

And free from conviction, you are. It’s not the late-night, thumbs-on-keyboard kind of relationship anymore, neither being two free spirits against the world; it’s two people, unshackled from grudges. It’s the closure in the same veins of La La Land, a tapestry of love remains, despite the zeroes and ones translated as blocks, plus the frontal lobe chemicals interpreted as detestations. There has always been a part of you that cares - under the miles of self-loathing from guilt and the despise entrenched in you.

As cued, the setting sun is refracted in the drop of tear grazing your left cheek. She seems fine, even if she’s drowned in her droplets, thirty, forty, or fifty—you aren’t sure anymore—meters away from the idyllic waves. It won’t be the same, and it can never be. Years of walling each other out only dims any remaining glimmer. But here you are, under the Tokyo sun, laughing and crying on such an unfortunate encounter.

You aren’t fourteen again. It doesn’t feel like the first day or the first words of you two. It’s two grief-stricken adults with a shared past. Both cannot hold on to their grudges, though, just you being an asshole for having them.

You aren’t her mistake after all, and she’s not your mistake anymore.

And it’s not witty, but it would suffice.

“Hey.”

—

“That was her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How was it? I see that you guys were kinda smiling.”

You ponder for a moment, a little too long before Haewon would ask again.

“It ends well, right?”

“I suppose so.”

—

I need to get over you.

—

#minji angst #newjeans angst #haewon smut #nmixx smut #kpop fanfic

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gravegoer · 22 hours ago

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Take a hint. ✿ part 2

part 2 finally!! im really proud of this writing. i had a lot of fun, and i think it brings a lot more depth to the story :) Part one HERE <3

sevika putting up with more oblivious reader!! this time, how does she react when her subtle ways of flirting don't get to you. every move she makes seems to bounce right off your head and land back in her hands !! [short little blurb at the end for the cute ending]

After your previous encounter with Sevika, you start to see her around more than you'd like. After having a few drinks with you and playing a game of cards (which you lost), you think you could even call the woman a friend.

You dont notice it, but she's gone soft. Specifically around you. Surprisingly, she didn't make you pay her for the forsaken poker game. Even more surprisingly, it seems as if you never had to drop a coin when you're in her presence.

Wanted a drink? It's on her. Ran into her when grabbing a snack? You just earned yourself a free pastry. Grabbing a ride home in the dark? She's got your cab. (And threatened the driver)

All of this in your eyes was simply nice deeds from a nice friend. In other peoples eyes, the undercities most threatening woman had been tamed.

She insists on walking you home after an encounter at the bar with the repeated saying, "I have nothing better to do, so I guess I'll do you the favor."

She glares at anyone who even tries to look your way. She knows you're a pretty thing, but she wants you for her eyes only. Obviously, this goes unnoticed by you as her nasty looks are sent over your head.

The people in Zaun are undoubtedly curious about your relationship. In a way, it almost scares Sevika, knowing that if the wrong person knows about you, you could immediately turn into a liability.

Having said this: she tried to keep her "affections" away from prying eyes, but she couldn't help but smirk when you asked questions about her arm or her job, even Silco, seeming genuinely curious. She'll answer with a teasing remark and an almost genuine smile.

Of course she does still have her guard up around you, only having known you for a few months. But one day caused her to be more vunerable with you more than she ever has to anyone since she was a kid.

A loud thud wakes you, its the middle of the night, what the fuck could that possibly be?

You glanced at your clock, the minute hand on 35, the hour hand on—two?? It was the ripe hour of two a.m., and you couldn't get some peace and quiet in Zaun. You almost rolled over to the other side of the bed before you heard an almost silent grunt from outside.

This prompted you to sit up and grab a jacket that was resting on your nightstand, still barelegged you made your way to the front door. The door creaked as you opened it, and you jumped at the sight of Sevika, on the ground, leaning against your doorframe. "You do know it's dangerous to open your door in the middle of the night to a stranger, right?" Sevika teased.

You panicked, "Sevika! What happened—I mean, why are you— did you plan on sitting on my doorstep if I wasn't awake? You're seriously reckless!" You tugged at her arm trying to get her up.

"Slow down, I just needed a place to sit and catch my breath thats all." She grunted at your motions, stumbling up but standing nonetheless.

"Catch your breath? Are you crazy?" You catch a glimpse at the blood seeping through her shirt, "Shit— are you okay?" You led her into your house, letting her plop down onto the couch with a grunt.

You told her to stay there (not like she could move) as you went to the bathroom to grab some bandages and other miscellaneous things you assumed you needed. You barely noticed your hands trembling when you opened the cabinet. You were worried. Extremely worried. I mean, you knew her job was dangerous, but like this? Damn.

As you re-entered the living room, Sevika was perched haphazardly on your couch, barely fitting with her size. She clutched her torso, where blood stained her shirt and dripped down her arm. You hurried over to her, dropping to your knees beside her left leg to move her hand and survey the wound. "Already on your knees for me?" She let out a strained chuckle.

You rolled your eyes at the crude joke, "Will you be serious?"

She went quiet while you pulled her shirt up and started to disinfect the wound. She hissed at the slight burning, but you continued. At a particularly tender spot, she grunted and grabbed your wrist for a moment but pulled away quickly.

"How did this happen?" You questioned, less shakey now that you had her on your couch, somewhat fixed up.

"Just some enforcers, trying to mess with Silcos people. He gave me the task of getting rid of them. The usual," She stared at you her gaze shufting to the goosebumps on your bare legs.

"The usual?" You muttered to yourself.

You motioned for her to scoot forward so you could wrap the bandages all the way around her exposed (but now clean) torso. If you were looking, you'd see the way her face contorted in embarrassment. But of course, you weren't.

"So...why my doorstep? Like, why not... I dont know— Silcos?" You shrugged.

"Silco? Seriously? You think I'd go to the guy who put me in this mess over you?" She scoffed, shifting in a way that wouldn't strain her wound. Then, she brushed her hand over your leg, trying to calm the coldness with the heat of her hand.

Humming at the warmth, you asked, "So what im hearing is you like me more than your boss?"

"Well yeah? You're—" She cut herself off when she caught your gaze, looking up at her through your eyelashes.

"I should go, I need to report back to Silco." She quickly gained composure again but made no move to get up.

"Back to Silco? Sevika, I think you can wait the night. You're hurt." You unconsciously leaned into her touch, her hand still resting on your thigh.

You got up, heading to the bathroom to put your leftover supplies away; leaving no room for disagreement.

You could hear her shuffling around outside and stand up to open the bathroom door. You open it to her standing closer than you expected, leaning on the doorframe. Her flesh arm balanced just above your head, mechanical arm on her hip.

"You're too sweet on me, y'know that?" The woman questions a hint of humor in her voice.

"Well thats what friends are—" She cuts you off.

"No. No more of that friend bullshit. Do you not see what im always trying to imply here?" She was now getting irritated.

"Sevika what the hell are you talking about?" Before you can barrage her with more questions she groans and clutches her torso, head falling onto her arm.

Your demeanor instantly shifts, now putting your hands atop her mechanical arm with concern. She pushes your hands away and groans either out of pain or frustration (probably a mix of both). "Let me help you." You wrapped your arms around yourself, sighing at Sevikas' sudden outburst.

"You've done enough. We are just friends, after all. You dont need to overstep." She started walking (stumbling) towards the front door.

You followed after her in frustrated strides, faster than her limping form. Standing in front of her, you blocked her path to the door, "Are you trying to imply we are more than friends?"

"No. I just said we are just friends? Did you hear me," She spoke shortly and with an obvious temper.

"Dont be smart with me," You pointed a finger in her face.

"I've been trying to talk you up, okay? I thought you'd notice, but i guess you're just as dumb as I thought you were," She stood motionless, waiting for you to speak.

"Wait..like the guy at the bar that you said tried to get into my pants?" You cocked your head to the side, making a face.

She almost growled at you, pushing you out of the way so she could get to the door. I mean, seriously? She's going to basically confess to you, and you twiddle it down to her wanting to get in your pants? She's no better than the guy at the bar, right?

Before she can even touch the knob you pull her by the shoulder, spinning her already weak body around (something you definitely wouldn't be able to do when she's at full health) and stared up at her. "I wouldn't mind it." You said a little too confidently.

You slid your hand down her mechanical arm and held onto her forearm. "You wouldn't mind.. me trying to get into your pants?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Yep."

"Alright." She sighed, sliding her human hand down her face, "I just thought you knew. Since you're always doing shit like that, " She motioned with a tilt of her head to your hand on her prosthetic.

"Like what?"

"You know nobody else wants to touch my mechanical arm. Especially in the way you do." You recall all the ways you held onto it when you walked together or tapped on it languidly when you're bored.

"Well, im not scared of you, you know?" You spoke somewhat defensively.

"Yeah. I caught onto that." She grumbled.

"Can we just go sit down and talk about this?" You sighed.

Not letting you pull away, she latched her other hand onto the back of your neck and pulled your head up towards hers. She bent over ever-so-slightly to meet you in the middle and pressed her thick lips against yours.

Her mouth tasted like a burnt cigar and something bitter, but you leaned in nonetheless. Your free hand gripped onto her bicep and pulled her impossibly closer. A grunt escaped her mouth at that and you realized she was still hurt.

"I'm sorry did I hurt you—" You pulled away.

"No." She lied, trying to pull you back in.

You retaliated and giggled at her eagerness. "Can I sit you down and make you something to drink before we 'talk' about this?" You quoted yourself, knowing talking most likely wasn't needed for the next few hours.

thank you for reading :) i have to taglist yet, so pleasseee specifically, comment if you want to be on it ! for now, I'll tag the people that have commented on part 1 so far !! <3 im slightly new to this, so support, tips, and reuqests are ALWAYSSS appreciated

@lesbo-tuliplvrr @luvmei

and i hope you guys like this as much as i did <33 thank youuu kissessss

#sevika #sevika arcane x reader #angst with a happy ending #arcane #need that #sapphic #lesbian #wlw #arcane netflix #arcane s2 #arcane season 2 #sevika x reader #sevika x you #sevika x y/n #i love sevika #arcane sevika #sevika arcane #i love women

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galaxythreads · 2 days ago

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Also not to take away from this point because yes, good, but -

The line "you're not the only monster on the team" is delivered with important precontext. The only reason Natasha says it is because Bruce is saying that he can't give her a normal life and he's wondering what kind of happiness he could even provide for her. The idea of companionship alone being enough didn't occur to him at all, so he immediately leaps to - kids. She wants kids. That's what couples do. They raise a family. We are standing in a house full of children. He thinks that a white picket fence and 2.5 kids will make Natasha happy and that's the one thing he can't give her, and that makes him feel monstrous, because he feels so outside of the realm of "normal" adult behavior. He's Hulk. He breaks things, he doesn't create them. He's a monster simply by his nature now, a result of what was done to him.

Natasha recongizes this immediately and cuts to the chase by saying she can't have kids either. The white picket fence and 2.5 kids isn't the point here. Bruce is. Natasha then also explains about her surgery, an equal violation of her bodily autonomy and says, carefully, "you think you're the only monster on the team?"

She does not mean, genuinely, that they're both monsters because they can't have kids. It's because they can't have the same level of "normal" that it seems everyone wants around them. They can't have Clint's life. Not to the same extent. Natasha says this to reassure Bruce that the kids are not the point, but also to reach out and reassure him that he's not alone.

Natasha and Bruce can't have that "normal," and they both feel removed from society to an extent for unrelated reasons, and the only interaction they have with it is when they kill. It does make them feel monstrous. Especially with the added context that both Natasha and Bruce in the course of MCU make it clear they do want bio kids. Doesn't mean they can't adopt but it wasn't their first choice and they're allowed to want bio kids and grieve that they can't have that.

Like the thing is - Natasha is a very important piece of AoU, and when you look at it, Bruce is more her love interest than the other way around. But the important thing to remember is that narratively, they're not just love interests. They have discussions and relationships with other characters. If you remove them from the story it falls apart. Is their relationship a good part of AoU? No, I wouldn't say so. It's not the best written, the chemistry was awkward and disjointed, but this scene has never bothered me, because the layers to it are incredible.

Natasha could also equally mean that because of the lack of bodily autonomy, it made killing easier. It made everything easier. (What is everything, Natasha????) You think you're the only monster on the team? I don't feel anything when I kill. When I perform graphic acts of violence. You've been upset about hulk for the last day, but I don't share that level of guilt. We're the same Bruce. We're the same were the same. Why do you think I picked you? You make me feel seen because you know what it's like to have your bodily rights taken away. You make me feel like a person not just an experiment with a skillset. I can't have kids and I can never be normal but neither can you and we can share that grief together

Marvel women, written by men: 🧍‍♀️I can’t have babies 👶🏻😫😢 I’m a monster 😢😢 yes this is the deepest my backstory can get btw 😉😨 isn’t it harrowing 😱

Marvel women, written by women: I will subject an entire town to my will if it means the chance to see you again. I will drink my grief, knowing I am damned and that I cannot protect you, and will still sing out my heart to crowds of thousands in the hopes they will keep you safe when I’m gone. I crave power so intensely that it has overpowered any sense of loyalty to anyone, and I will betray again and again and again, but I will still be wounded when you betray me because it was you. It was you.

#aou #natasha #bruce #aou is a good movie and I will stand by that #its not a great movie #but it had it's moments #and it didn't handle everything wrong

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amirasainz · 12 hours ago

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I love the Ollie x Kimi x Norris!reader story. Can you write one where they are in Vegas and the three of them were seen in a chapel, all dressed up. Lando is losing his mind. You can decide the ending for yourseld😅🥰

Enjoy reading and send some requests!!!

-xoxo babygirl 🧡

Vegas weeding

It was a scorching hot night in Las Vegas, and the F1 paddock was buzzing with excitement as the drivers, team personnel, and fans gathered for the inaugural Las Vegas Grand Prix. The neon lights, the towering casinos, and the iconic Strip were all within sight of the circuit, making it one of the most exciting weekends in recent memory.

Yn, Lando’s 18-year-old sister, had managed to score a spot in the paddock for the event, thanks to Lando’s influence. Despite being a huge F1 fan, she never truly cared about the spotlight or the glamorous side of it all. She was happy to simply be with her brother and enjoy the race weekend. But today, something felt different. Yn was hanging out with Kimi and Ollie , two of her closest friends.

The three of them were laughing as they left the paddock after the race, sharing a moment of happiness while Lando made his way through the crowd. His eyes caught sight of them, and his jaw clenched when he saw how close they were standing. Kimi’s hand rested lightly on Yn’s shoulder, while Ollie was standing just a step behind her, clearly enjoying the conversation. Lando had noticed the flirting all day, and his protective instincts kicked in.

“Kimi! Ollie! Don’t you think that’s a bit too much?” Lando muttered under his breath as he walked up to the group.

“Lando! Didn’t see you there!” Ollie grinned, not at all fazed by Lando’s less-than-impressed expression. He leaned in to give Yn a playful nudge, which only made her giggle.

Lando’s eyes narrowed. “Yn, are you—? Seriously, guys?” His voice was a mixture of concern and annoyance.

“What’s up, Lando?” Kimi asked, glancing over at the older Norris with a smirk. “Just having a good time. You should join us.”

“You two are too... close,” Lando said, his tone protective. He took a step toward his sister, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I know you’ve been friends forever, but maybe lay off a bit? She’s my little sister, alright?”

Ollie raised an eyebrow, teasing, “Lando’s being overprotective, huh? You know, she’s grown up now.”

“Don’t talk to me like that, Ollie,” Lando shot back, his eyes still on his sister. Yn, for her part, looked unfazed. She was used to Lando’s protectiveness, but she couldn’t help but enjoy the attention from Kimi and Ollie.

Kimi laughed, crossing his arms. “Don’t worry, mate. We were just having a bit of fun. Nothing serious.” He then shot Ollie a sly grin, and Ollie returned the look with a shrug.

“Well, let’s not get carried away,” Lando said, still not convinced. The teasing between the three younger drivers made him feel uneasy. “I don’t like this.”

The others, sensing Lando’s discomfort, decided to take it up a notch. Carlos, who had been standing nearby, leaned over and whispered, loud enough for Lando to hear, “Ollie and Kimi... what’s going on there, Lando? Are we going to be seeing wedding invitations anytime soon?”

Lando shot him a glare, but the other drivers joined in, laughing and adding to the teasing.

“Yeah, Lando. You might be an uncle soon,” Max chimed in, chuckling at the thought.

Lando’s face flushed. “Shut up. I’m not joking, alright? I’m seriously not okay with this.”

“Don’t worry, mate. She’s tough. And so are we,” said Oscar, grinning as he slapped Lando on the back.

But it wasn’t just the teasing that bothered Lando; it was the idea that his little sister might be growing up faster than he was ready for. His thoughts swirled with concern for her safety, her happiness, and everything in between.

A few hours later, just as the Las Vegas lights began to twinkle against the night sky, the entire paddock was hit with a sudden flurry of photos on social media. The images spread like wildfire, with fans and journalists alike flooding the timeline.

Lando’s phone buzzed incessantly, but it wasn’t until he glanced down at his screen that he saw the photos. Yn, Kimi, and Ollie were standing in front of a wedding chapel, all dressed up in formal attire—Yn in a white dress, Kimi in a sharp suit, and Ollie looking every bit the dashing gentleman.

“What the hell?” Lando exclaimed, his voice rising in disbelief. “Are they serious?!”

The other drivers crowded around him, their eyes glued to the images on Lando’s screen.

“Okay, what did we miss?” Carlos asked with a smirk. “Is there a wedding on the cards or what?”

“I swear, if they got married—” Lando began, but was immediately cut off by Oscar.

“Wouldn’t put it past them,” Oscar teased. “I mean, look at that picture. They’re practically all ready for a Vegas wedding!”

Lando clenched his jaw. “I’m not letting this slide. Not on my watch.” He immediately stood up, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive. “Where’s the chapel? I’m going to make sure they’re okay.”

“Wait, what?” Max asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

“We’re going to the chapel. I’m getting my sister,” Lando said firmly. “Come on, some of you are coming with me. We’re not letting this go down like this.”

The other drivers hesitated for a moment, before nodding in agreement, clearly amused but willing to help out. Lando, Max, and Oscar hopped into a car, with Carlos following them in another, all speeding toward the chapel. They exchanged worried glances, but it was clear that Lando’s protective streak was not something anyone was going to question tonight.

Meanwhile, Yn, Kimi, and Ollie were inside the chapel, talking to a group of fans who had invited them as witnesses to their wedding. It was a completely innocent and heartwarming gesture from the fans who adored the young drivers. The couple had asked Kimi, Ollie, and Yn to witness their vows as a fun, surprise element to their special day, something the three were more than happy to do.

“I’m so happy you guys agreed to come,” the bride, a bubbly woman with a huge smile, said, turning to Kimi, Yn, and Ollie. “We just wanted a couple of fun, cool people to make this day even more memorable.”

Kimi grinned and nodded. “Of course! It’s an honor.”

Ollie added, “And we get to be part of a wedding! Not something we get to do every day.”

Yn smiled and looked around the small chapel. “This is so sweet. You guys must be so happy.”

Just then, the chapel doors slammed open. Lando, Max, and Oscar stormed inside, their eyes scanning the room. They were clearly confused, unsure if they’d walked into a real wedding or if they had just arrived at a strange party.

“Yn!” Lando shouted, looking like he was ready to jump out of his skin.

Yn looked up and blinked in surprise. “Lando? What are you doing here?”

“What’s going on here?” Lando’s eyes darted between Kimi, Ollie, and his sister. His gaze softened slightly, but his concern was evident. “You didn’t... actually get married, did you?”

“No!” Kimi said quickly, holding up his hands in a defensive gesture. “It’s not like that, mate. These guys just invited us to witness their wedding.”

“They invited us to be witnesses,” Ollie added, smiling at the bride and groom.

Lando’s shoulders sagged in relief, though his protective frown didn’t quite disappear. “You seriously couldn’t tell me you were just... hanging out with the couple’s wedding plans? I thought you three were—”

“Don’t worry, Lando,” Max interrupted with a smirk. “Your sister’s not married yet. But maybe soon, huh?”

Lando shot Max a glare. “Don’t start, Verstappen.”

“We’re just witnesses,” Yn said with a soft laugh, still trying to process her brother’s dramatic arrival. “You can relax, Lando.”

Lando crossed his arms over his chest, still looking unconvinced. “Yeah, yeah, just making sure. No funny business, alright?”

“Nothing funny here, mate,” Kimi chuckled. “Now, why don’t you join the celebration? It’s a wedding, after all.”

Reluctantly, Lando sat down next to his sister. As the wedding ceremony began, he leaned over and whispered to her, “Just promise me you won’t get any crazy ideas, okay?”. He threw his arm over her shpulder, pulling her close to himself while shooting Ollie and Kimi a look that could kill them.

Yn rolled her eyes but smiled. “Relax, Lando. It’s just a wedding. You need to lighten up.”

As the vows were exchanged, Lando couldn’t help but feel a little better, knowing that his sister was safe. And maybe, just maybe, he was overreacting... a little.

But then again, he would always be her big brother. And that meant he’d always have her back—whether it was a wedding chapel or anything else that came their way.

#formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #xoxo babygirl 💋#lando norris x sister!reader #lando norris x reader #oliver bearman x reader #kimi antonelli x reader #max verstappen x reader #carlos sainz x reader #oscar piastri x reader #norris!reader #f1 x reader

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d3arapril · 1 day ago

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00 PROLOGUE | TOO FAR GONE | P.B

pairing: paige bueckers x female!oc word count: 1k warnings/tags: allusions to cheating? i think that's it for this tbh. remember this is just a prologue - it'll get crazier, freakier and sadder!!!! ᡣ𐭩 better late than never, hey! excited to finally share the start of paige & sydney's story. as always - feedback and reblogs are always appreciated <3 SERIES MASTERLIST | PLAYLIST

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Sydney Moore had an interesting childhood– she had a mother that loved her and a father that only ever seemed to have his best interests in mind. You could argue that it was a standard childhood for most.

She was loved. She had once been loving, too. But somewhere along the way, something shifted. The craving for chaos seeped in, spreading like ink in water, staining the good parts of her.

Sydney met Paige when they were both freshmen at the University of Connecticut. She didn't think much of her, at first. Just another blonde she'd thought when they locked eyes in class for the first time, the blonde's gaze hesitating on her before reluctantly pulling away.

Paige was quick to prove her wrong. The two found comfort in each other despite their differences; Sydney was more reserved, kept her cards held close to her chest whereas Paige was outgoing, open and ambitious. As they grew closer, the athlete would invite Sydney to her practices, to parties, to small get-togethers with friends. Sydney, more often than not, would decline, using excuses like “I need to study” or “I’m not feeling well.” Paige never pushed, only smiled, nodded, and spun away, leaving a soft ache in Sydney’s chest that would never really go away.

Sydney told herself it was better this way—better to keep that distance. Yet, there were moments when she would stand rooted in the hallway, books clutched to her chest and lips curled down in a frown, watching Paige walk away and feeling a gnawing sense of loss that shouldn’t have been there.

She wanted to be around her all the time, yet couldn't bring herself to let her in. Paige was already too close, and it terrified her but she couldn't help but want more.

It remained like this for a while and whilst the girls became closer Paige still couldn't worm her way into Sydney's brain, figure out why she acted so distant.

"Can I ask you something?" Paige had asked her one evening.

They were studying in Sydney's room, orange desk lamp casting a warm glow across the small space. Sydney hesitated, lead of her pencil hovering over the page of her notebook.

"You just did."

"Don't be a smart ass. Come here."

Sydney moved from her seat by her desk to the bed, sitting beside Paige with both of their backs leaning against the wall, feet hanging off of the edge of the bed.

"Is there something going on?" Paige sounded genuinely concerned, voice quiet.

“What do you mean?” Sydney’s voice came out strained. She could feel Paige studying her from the corner of her eye, waiting for her to open up. The thought made her hairs stand on end.

Sydney’s mind raced—memories of her father’s clipped words, of being told emotions were weaknesses, of learning to suppress every raw edge and every vulnerable part of herself. She couldn’t let Paige see the truth, not when it felt like she was barely holding it together.

"I dunno," Paige sighed, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. "You're just not there recently, y'know?"

Sydney swallowed, the taste bitter. The light in the room felt like it was dimming and she felt like the walls were closing in on her.

"I'm fine."

Their relationship evolved in fragments— moments where Sydney would let her guard down, just enough for Paige to think she was making progress, only for Sydney to retreat behind her walls again. And despite it all, Paige stayed. She stayed through the disappearances, the late night calls, the way Sydney’s affection often felt like a push and pull that left her dizzy.

Sydney grew to like it this way. She found a twisted comfort in knowing that no matter what, Paige would be there. She'd sacrifice everything for her if she had to, she was sure of it.

The thought alone awoke a part of her she didn't even know existed.

two years later

"Have you spoken to Sydney recently?" Paige had asked Aubrey, fingers mindlessly running through the small knots in her ponytail. They'd just finished a late night practice and the remainder of the team had already filtered off of the court, ready to end the day.

Aubrey raised an eyebrow, eyes narrowing as she looked at the blonde. "Why would I speak to her? Have you?" she stepped forward, trainers squeaking against the hardwood of the court. An accusatory finger dug into Paige's shoulder. "Bueckers?!"

Paige brushed her off, kissing her teeth. "Nah, 'course not. Forget I asked."

Since that evening in Sydney's room two years ago, something changed. She didn't become more open with her feelings but instead she became more affectionate, much to Paige's surprise. They would spend most nights together wrapped up in each other with no conversation about what they were; where they both stood.

It became too much for Paige, the uncertainty of their situation, the way it ate away everything she did. Her grades were slipping and her performance on the court was mediocre at best.

She pulled away from Sydney, despite her iron grip.

She'd known, deep down, that it wasn't going to be easy. What she hadn't expected was the sudden lack of air in her lungs, the way her head swam, the ache in her chest. She carried on, though. Carried on with her life, got her grades back up and soon shot up to become one of UCONN's best.

"What're you guys doing out here?" a familiar voice echoed through the gymnasium- Azzi.

Paige and Azzi had met one year after she had met Sydney. They were just team mates for a long time, but as Paige started to become more worn down from Sydney, Azzi was the shoulder she cried on. Their relationship blossomed and whilst they weren't official, they were definitely something.

Azzi brought a sense of peace to Paige's life that she hadn't felt in a long time but she couldn't help but crave more.

"We were just leaving." Paige sends a half smile in Azzi's direction. She beams back, pearly whites on show.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Jus' tired."

Azzi threw an arm over her shoulder as they both strolled off the court. Paige could feel Aubrey's gaze searing through the back of her head, burning into her. She felt guilty as Azzi rubbed a hand up and down her bicep, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

She felt guilty as she pulled her phone from her gym bag, lowering the brightness subconsciously. She felt guilty as she kissed Azzi on the forehead and promised she'd be over as soon as she was done running an errand.

She felt guilty as she told Sydney she was on her way to her.

#TFG #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers fluff #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers angst #paige bueckers x reader #my writing #paige bueckers series #wbb x reader #wbb x oc

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maikissed · 1 day ago

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you're why I'm staying

jude bellingham x reader part two of the previous story: the day I saw your eyes, I stayed LINK

warnings: A LOT of smut, it exhausted me lol

note: I think there will be a part 3 because I want to make some drama...

There was a drunk guy that appeared out of nowhere while you tried to push your way through the crowd on your way out. For a second you though it was Noah, because the posture of your space invader matched his very well, and to add to that, he grabbed your forearm to bring your attention to him. It was not Noah.

“Hi” the man smiled rakishly, but there was nothing charming about that, it was off “Leaving so soon?” he gazed down to the coat you were holding in your other hand “I was hoping for a dance with you, please don’t tell me I’m late”

You begun to feel uncomfortable, but kept your face straight and rather friendly to keep this situation casual.

“Unfortunately I am leaving, so if you’ll excuse me” you graced him a light smile, wondering why the hell he kept on holding onto your arm.

“Come on, one simple dance” he pressed, completely blocking your way.

Now it got tense.

“Get your hand off” you shot, visibly annoyed with his disrespectful attitude.

“There’s no point in being so difficult” his answer agitated you, you took a big breath in, ready to start a mayhem.

“Is everything alright?” a familiar accent reached your ears and you sighed in relief once realizing you might have been saved by Jude in this peculiar situation “Do you know him?” he directed his question to you, before quickly gazing down at the man’s hand still placed on your arm.

“No, I don’t” you spat, snatching your hand from his tight grip. Finally.

“Then why the fuck do think you can put your dirty hands on a woman like that?” Jude’s voice collected and steady while he turned to him, the look on his face very much serious. This looked interesting.

The guy snorted, a weird expression contorted his face while he looked at Jude. Something between hurt pride and a dumb realization. Maybe because he did recognize the face in front of him, or maybe it was the bitter taste of being interrupted and put down.

“Get the fuck outta here” the words harsh and final and you watched as the guy turn away without any last look your way.

You were grateful.

“Thank you” you uttered, feeling desperate for some fresh air.

He followed you out, as it turned out, and you wondered if he was trying to catch up with you, which is why he appeared in such a crucial moment just before, or was he simply leaving to call it a night as well. Without Rose.

“I’ll get you a cab” he proposed and you halted, ready to oppose, walk away as quickly as possible to hide yourself from all the strange confusion you felt “Forgive me if I’ve done something that offended you” and you were silenced when you took in his words.

There was uncommonly many taxicabs and ubers driving around, unlike in others parts of the city. One of the drivers pulled in a second after he waved his hand to call him in. Jude opened the door and awaited for your move.

“It’s alright, I’ll take the tube” why were you trying so hard to stand up to him since he was kind enough to make sure you’ll get home in a quicker and safer way?

“Don’t like the idea” he shook his head, still waiting patiently, not trying to persuade you or impose you a choice, rather standing there with an impression on his face that told you that he knew you would at last enter the cab “Please?”

And you folded, not wanting to bicker with him in front of this club. What surprised you next was the fact that he circled the car and got in as well. So he was being a true gentleman now, making sure for you to get back home without any other critical encounters with strange men trying to lure you, or maybe you just got involved into some kind of game with him, that he has planned very much precisely. You did not dare to ask about others and about Rose. Out of fear and abashment, or maybe it was a worry that you would ruin something that was clearly reserved for the both of you. Perhaps you wanted something and perhaps he wanted it too. Were you a bad person? Were you both? Or maybe it was nothing but pure, and maybe he was in fact being a gentleman.

He looked your way once he got comfortable and you let out a laugh.

“Is it your mission tonight to be my knight in shining armour?” you asked before the driver interrupted you to ask for the destination.

Jude smiled at your question, turning to look outside the window for a moment.

“Is it bothering you?” he murmured “Just say a word and I’ll leave”

That was the last thing you wanted, although you feared the consequences of every other minute spent in his presence. That’s why you ran off the club, that’s why you did not want to take the cab. You were not sure of his intentions, you couldn’t even define your own. This tiny cab, you, him and the taxi driver that appeared to be an obstacle for you somehow. What was so significant that made you so drawn to him? You started to hate the universe to put you in such position.

You said nothing, turning the other way with a little smile on your face, remembering the feeling of his hands roaming the curves of your body, his chest pressed against your back, breathing on your ear and neck.

The road was not long, after a few minutes the driver took a turn to the street where you lived. And of course Jude was the first to step out, walking to your door to open it for you. You almost laughed again when he extended his hand to help you get out. He was an extraordinary specimen. You took his hand, stood up, looked once again closely into his heavenly eyes and uttered out a question that startled you in place.

“Do you want to come in?”

Oh, for fuck sake. The most obvious and open invitation to have sex. What on earth happened to no casual hook-ups? No sex with men you barely known? All it took was to meet a handsome, charming and charismatic boy with the prettiest, darkest eyes that had the capacity to tie you in place and suck out all of your common sense just like that. You were a traitor, he was not yours to have. But you wanted him, so, so bad. To the point of losing sanity. And it was a petrifying feeling.

“I don’t want to interrupt your night any further” he simply stated.

You begun to conclude that the question was very much improper and it was the moment when he cuts you short with rejection. But you spotted a familiar daring smirk on his face and you blushed furiously. Fucker.

You realized he was still holding your hand.

“Oh, but please do” a glint in his eyes at your declaration, barely noticeable, but you saw it.

It was midnight, your steps audible while you strode through the corridors of the apartment building. You started to search for your keys. Nervousness kicking in, because you were not alone and you had no fucking idea how do one play out this situation. What do you do with a boy once you invite him into your house in the middle of the night? You offer him a tea? Drop your dress to the floor as soon as you cross the threshold? And to add to that, you haven’t had sex for almost a year now. You felt skittish as a deer, not like a confident and seductive woman he most likely surrounded himself with.

“Do you want something to drink?” was the first thing that left your mouth after you entered inside.

So the tea option it is. You stood in place for a minute, waiting for his answer or any reaction, but the look on his face while he scanned your whole body, up and down, scared you off, and you quickly stormed off in the direction of the kitchen. Coward. Why were you wasting his time?

He followed you, you could hear. Seemed you did not care anymore for his answer, you just put the kettle on. Trying to keep busy. When you turned around quickly, with two cups in your hands, you unexpectedly collided with his chest, you did not hear him sneak this close. Gasping, you almost dropped the porcelain. He was even taller now after you took off your shoes.

“Have you ever done this before?” he murmured lowly and it took you by surprise how his voice changed and dropped few octaves lower as he spoke now.

“Done what?” you asked timidly.

He reached with his hands to carefully took the cups from your own, placing them on the counter next to you. He did not want the tea, you guessed.

“Invited a man you only met couple of hours ago to your home” his gaze soft but purposeful when he looked down at you.

“No” you answered honestly, wondering how he found it.

He smiled at you then, something in form of delight flashing through his expression. Oh, he liked that answer. Weren’t you a sweet affair? He’s got you where he wanted.

“Then why’d you do it?”

Should you be honest?

“I don’t know” you frowned lightly. What a great fucking answer “Why’d you come?” you asked, still standing close, revelling in his scent that surrounded you, there was something else except the cologne he was wearing “Shouldn’t you be somewhere else now?” you risked it with a shaky breath.

“Were do you think I should be?” he was challenging you.

A moment of silence.

“With Rose” something clutched your insides “She’s more to your taste”

He smirked at you then.

“What’s my taste, y/n?”

It was your time to act amused, as you snickered and looked to your side to hide the bewilderment you were feeling. He was not having it, taking your jaw in his fingers to make you look back at him.

“Is that a serious question?”

“Yes, very much so. Because I’m under the impression that you’ve made some presumptions about me”

You tried to shy from the intensity of his eyes. You looked at his lips, bad decision.

“So?”

You grew annoyed, he was poking you. Pushing you to prove your words.

“Gorgeous face, stunning, light hair, model, long legs, sweet and obedient” you voiced in one breath.

He was drinking in your words, acting captivated.

“Do you think you lack something?” he stepped closer, one of his hands rested on the counter next to you, the one he used to hold your jaw, now travelled lower to your neck, he was gentle, a simple touch. You became aware of the contact of the material of his pants against your inner thigh.

His question amused you.

“Definitely not obedient” you answered softly.

He breathed out a chuckle.

“Definitely not” he nodded with amusement that never left his face “Well, she wasn’t very smart about it, was she?” his voice quieter now, almost whispering “Bringing a girl with her, with a lovely, kind smile, big, sparkling and mysterious eyes, delicate, not greedy touch. Smart, intelligent and elegant, wearing a pretty little black dress that got me staring at her heavenly legs for the whole night. Acting, like she was not staring back at all” he carefully articulated each word, bringing you into a breathless state “And the way she moves while she dances? Sinful”

His thumb now stroking your delicately parted lips, his eyes following the act.

“Are you saying that I seduced you?” you managed to utter. Your voice shaky due to the amount of tension between you, growing thicker with every second.

“Hmm. I believe you did. You’re turning me weak and desperate”

Oh, he was good, he was so fucking good. Death to the morality, decency and common sense. You were more than willing to let him have what he wanted.

“God, you are good at this, aren’t you?” you breathed, staring into his dangerous eyes, feeling like the world around you decreases and anchors in his irises.

And the next thing was very much unexpected, because he leaned in and delicately kissed you on the mouth. Not in a simple and innocent way, not a little peck, soft yet so intimate and erotic that it made you dizzy.

“There’s many more things I’m good at” he whispered against your lips before kissing you again “Let me show you” another kiss.

Oh, oh God. You could feel your legs shake already. Your blood pulsing in your veins. There was wetness gathering in your underwear. Words, he was using words, and you ended up in a state where there appeared a thin line, easily to break for you to fall apart. Too little air to breathe. Too little of him.

“I can make you feel so good” he breathed before kissing you again. This time you could not stop it, a little moan leaving your chest, meating with his lips.

It was like a spur, he stepped forward, pushing you to turn and lean against the kitchen counter. His hands on the both sided behind you. Trapped. Under him, under his intense gaze, his lust. He pushed his mouth on yours, this time the kiss more urgent, lasting, passionate. You reached with your hands to his neck to keep him there, revelling in the softness yet firmness of his lips. His leg sneaking between your legs, you moved against it. Another of your moans kissed away, you were fucking close to peak. Just few more thrusts, you could feel it. A dirtier kiss, his tongue sticking out to swiftly lick and catch your own. You were breathless and dazed. The attraction, the want, the need, everything you felt right now was unfamiliar. An experience so powerful and rousing, you were afraid it could make you go mad. Few more pushes, it felt other-worldly. But he stopped, leaning back, putting his hand on your hip to prevent your movement. You whined in protest, he just smirked.

“I want to kiss you” he declared.

“Then kiss me” your brain fogged, you foolishly tried to lean into him.

He meant something else, you realized after a minute.

“Not there, darling” as he slowly kneeled in front of you.

You swallowed, observing him in this whole new position. Below you, on his knees, the look on his face menacing.

“May I?” he asked, placing his hands under your short dress.

You nodded, and it was enough for him. He reached higher, taking the strings of the thongs you were wearing between his fingers, gently and slowly drawing them down your legs. All this time his eyes were on you. You adored his eyes and the way he looked at you, yes. He hiked up your left leg to put it on his shoulder, with no further delay he pushed the folds of your dress higher. You cried out at the first simple contact. It was madness. You tried holding yourself straight by keeping your hands on the counter behind you, but he pushed his tongue deep inside you and you jumped, one of your hands reached for his head, feeling his hair for the first time. Few more moments, few quick and feverish breaths and you started whining. You were loud. Not obnoxiously loud, just vocal. You knew you wouldn’t last long, grinding on his mouth a little sheepishly, wetness now trailing down your thigh. The sight of him standing up after he was finished, with his chin glistening, using his forearm to wipe it clean was exquisite. You were never familiar with orgasms this quick and powerful. You almost slipped but he caught you.

Now you were even more desperate. So you took him to your bedroom. Reaching with your needy hands to remove his t-shirt, taking a breath when your gaze met with his bare torso. You started to admire his built, well defined muscles, soft, beautiful, dark skin. He noticed your stare and you smiled playfully at his reaction. He was so handsome. Then he was kissing you again.

“I want this dress off” he muttered lowly and you sweetly batted your eyelashes at him before taking a step back to grant him his wish.

“And I want you on the bed” he added.

You left your stockings on, partly forgetting about them at first, then making your mind about leaving them to add to your seductive appearance. He seemed to approve it, as you could conclude from the way he was observing the whole act of you gently sitting down on the bed, putting your legs up elegantly, then laying down to lewdly part them for his eyes to see everything. You could notice him suck in a breath. You were truly affecting him in a way you would never expect. What was it that made you so special? There were girls of sorts in this world, and he could have them all. Just the thought of it thrilled you. Now it was him that grew desperate, hurriedly tossing the belt aside, pulling the pants off.

“I thought you’d make a show out of it” you joked.

“I’m too hard for that, love”

You giggled and he was quick to join you. Once more you felt the excitement hit you strong when you had him close. So you kissed him. There was no place for playing and teasing now, you opened up widely for him, there was urge and desperation. A sharp sting when he entered you, a sure and swift move, accented by your whimper. He groaned throatily, feeling you coat him. You needed a moment, a moment for a few breaths. It’s been a while.

“Be good. Don’t wanna bust too fast” his voice breathy.

You looked him in the eyes, kissed him briefly and then pulled away, focusing on flexing the kegel muscles to hug him while buried deep inside of you. And you achieved your goal spectacularly, making him curse under his breath, a sweet frown on his face.

“Oh, you mean don’t do that?” in a soft and innocent voice.

He moved.

“You’re sweet” rough thrust.

“Ah!” you cried, not being prepared to be so sensitive and responsive at this point.

“Sweet girl, wanna be smart with me” thrust.

His words messier now, less coherent. You were so full, already grasping at his shoulders, you legs locking him in, your belly tensing, seeking pleasure yet still trying to accustom to the prominent feeling radiating from between your legs.

“Tell me how you want it” he whispered against your parted lips.

“Gentle”

“Oh, I think you like it opposite” another sharp snap of his hips.

Another whine filling the room. You loved it.

“Come on, kiss me” he asked.

Never before you have experienced this much talking during sex, your partners mostly fixated on the part that brought them the awaited release. This was new, exciting to you, adding to every other strong sensation you felt at this very moment.

You opened your mouth for him to ravish you further, his tongue still precise when he kissed you, while you started to turn sloppy. He sped his movements up, your senses now only focused on it. Too dazed and intoxicated you could not find any strength to kiss him back anymore, letting him take control over everything, sighing little moans into his mouth. You writhed under him after you heard him moan into your ear. You clenched around him, now uncontrollably, dangerously close to fall apart.

“Oh no baby, not yet” he murmured sneaking an arm around your middle, pulling you up with him.

You sighed, your hair falling in messy waves on your back, shoulders and face, you did not care about fixing them. Now you were seated on top of him, almost worn out already, placing your hands on his shoulders to keep yourself straight. You opened your heavy lids to notice him watching you attentively. Hooded eyes, lips parted, a little bit of sweat on his temple, you were mesmerized. Putting one of his hands behind him, he reached with the other to wrap it around your middle, however you had other ideas. He gave you the perfect opportunity to take control. You wanted to bound him to you and it was possible through a very simple feminine spell – to put him down and strip him from all the power he believed he possessed.

“Lay down on your back” you murmured gingerly, placing your palm on his chest. Like a plea, he enjoyed your softness and delicacy. You were about to give him more taste of that. What happens if he can’t be in charge?

He did as you said and the lovely sight before your eyes was enlivening. A powerful shot of rapture awoke more confidence in you. His hands reached up to grasp your hips but you snapped them away.

“Don’t” you warned.

His chuckle was almost dark.

“You want to be in control, huh?”

“Shut up”

“Yeah, go on, love. I wanna see you movin” he was amused.

You were going to wipe that smirk off his face. The first roll of your hips slow and careful, simple, the next one more purposeful. You smiled playfully before circling your hips on your way back. Slow, tantalizingly slow, back and forward, back and forward. You were watching him, observing how his face changed when you sped up only to slow down again. A groan and a delicate pout appearing on his face immediately. His hands resting on your thighs, you were careful. Innocent eyes, a soft moan leaving his lips, a honeyed sound. You even caught his belly tensing. Oh, you got him.

“Do you like that?” you asked sweetly “Do you like how I’m fucking you, Jude? Are you close?”

No words from him, he just groaned in frustration trying to reach for your hips. You slapped them away again. Lowering your body you thought about kissing him. His mouth turning sloppier now, the contact was all tongue and saliva. He pushed his hips up into you, making you moan.

“That’s enough” he rasped as you leaned back. He grabbed your hips roughly and you prepared yourself for the upcoming ferocity.

A giggle died in your throat as he fucked up into you, holding you strong, his fingers digging almost painfully into your skin.

It was your name he called. Yet it was too late and you were too tired to realize what you have done.

special tag @madridfangirl

#football imagine #football fics #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham #bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham fic

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z3ncat · 3 days ago

Text

Try reading what I actually wrote. I very specifically said your first reply to me. In which you responded only to what I said about Trump being a rapist and being on tape bragging about being a sexual predator. The fact that you're talking about others' perspectives does not change the fact that you only responded to that part of my comment and not the rest.

I've never called anyone subhuman or said anyone should kill themselves. Again: reply to the words I wrote, not to whatever fantasy comments you've made up in your head because they're easier to reply to.

And if you think there's no evidence that Trump and the Republicans campaigned on stripping multiple marginalized groups of their rights, then you're either lying or willfully ignorant.

Republicans spent over $200 million on anti-trans TV ads, and Trump's Agenda 47 will be DEVESTATING to trans people. People won't just lose their rights, they'll lose their lives.

Trump repeatedly bragged about "killing" Roe v Wade, and said he'd "protect" women "whether they like it or not".

The cornerstone of his campaign was anti-immigrant:

the planned mass deportations - including of documented "legal" immigrants

Vance's declaration that documented immigrants were actually "illegal" simply because he didn't approve of the LEGAL procedure that granted them their status

the lies about Springfield, OH and Aurora, CO

the literal Nazi race science he was espousing

the constant dehumanizing language about immigrants

the other constant lies about immigrants

revoking birthright citizenship

do I really need to go on?

He openly stated that his political opponents are "enemies from within" and that he'd be comfortable using the National Guard or military against them.

He wants to expand qualified immunity for police - something incredibly dangerous for BIPOC, given how little consequence police already face for extrajudicial killings.

His Agenda 47 not only calls for ending all DEI/equity initiatives, it considers them discrimination. And his allies, including people who worked closely with him, want to reinterpret civil rights laws - the ones that Black people bled and died for - to be about "anti-white discrimination".

Trump stated he was looking into restricting contraception before claiming that the words he's on record saying were a Democrat lie

These are all easily-verifiable facts. That you claim otherwise is ridiculous.

In order:

https://truthout.org/articles/republicans-spent-nearly-215m-on-tv-ads-attacking-trans-rights-this-election/

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/agenda47/president-trumps-plan-to-protect-children-from-left-wing-gender-insanity

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/fact-check-trump-took-credit-for-overturning-roe-v-wade-here-s-the-context/ar-BB1llwho

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/31/us/politics/trump-women-like-it-or-not.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/11/us/politics/trump-2025-immigration-agenda.html

https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2024/oct/03/jd-vance/immigration-experts-say-jd-vance-is-wrong-haitians/

https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/jd-vance-make-up-pet-eating-story-haitian-rcna171326

https://www.politico.com/news/2024/10/11/trump-aurora-colorado-immigration-gangs-00183533

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/10/donald-trump-migrants-race-science/680187/

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/05/us/politics/trump-immigration-rhetoric.html

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trumps-already-harsh-rhetoric-migrants-is-turning-darker-election-day-nears-2024-10-04/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/trump-under-fire-again-for-violent-language-and-dehumanizing-anti-immigrant-rhetoric

https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/29/politics/fact-check-donald-trump-mar-a-lago/index.html

https://www.themarshallproject.org/2024/10/21/fact-check-12000-trump-statements-immigrants

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/agenda47/agenda47-day-one-executive-order-ending-citizenship-for-children-of-illegals-and-outlawing-birth-tourism

https://www.snopes.com/news/2024/10/21/trump-use-military-opponents/

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/agenda47/agenda47-president-trump-announces-plan-to-end-crime-and-restore-law-and-order

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/agenda47/agenda47-reversing-bidens-eo-embedding-marxism-in-the-federal-government

https://www.axios.com/2024/04/01/trump-reverse-racism-civil-rights

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-contraception-access-restriction-b2548965.html

Oh, and he absolutely praised and endorsed Project 2025 (https://x.com/VaughnHillyard/status/1811402883604050216) which openly calls for a national abortion ban and an end to no-fault divorce - and the Heritage Foundation is on record as wanting to end contraception access and recreational sex at all (https://x.com/Heritage/status/1662534135762624520).

Now that you've been updated on reality and it's no longer up for debate that Trump and the Republicans campaigned on stripping various groups of their rights...

If you vote for someone who campaigned on stripping multiple groups of their rights, you don't get to complain that you're treated like someone who voted for stripping multiple groups of their rights.

I'll just repeat this part, since you ignored it in favor of making up things to reply to:

As for people "getting along" despite their different political choices? That doesn't work when the choice of one person is actively harming the other person by, again, *stripping them of their rights*.

If your political choices include voting for someone who campaigned on punching me in the face, you don't get to insist that I'm being unfair or unreasonable when I, the person who's going to get punched in the face because of your choices, say we can't get along.

And you don't get to complain that I've put you in the same group as people who actively want me punched in the face, because even if that wasn't the reason you chose to support the person who wants to punch me in the face, you are still obviously fine with me getting punched in the face. It wasn't a deal-breaker for you.

Women are getting rid of their Trump supporting partners while they still legally can since they clearly don't give a shit about them or any other woman.

If you're thinking about getting a divorce, you should do it while you still can.

Edit: Family members and friends are cutting their MAGA friends and family off all over, and for good reason!

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viennakarma · 2 days ago

Text

The Lucky One (2)

Part 2 (of 2) of The Lucky One | Sebastian Vettel x Reader

Summary: Formula One had been your dream and your goal ever since you were a kid, and you did all you had to in order to achieve it. Between ups and downs, Sebastian becomes a steady presence despite being your complicated frenemy relationship. Until everything comes crashing down. Formula One gives, but Formula One takes.

Word count: 5.5k

Tags: female!reader, driver reader, reader is mirrorball coded, coming of age, cursing, romance, both are assholes, smut, +18, complicated feelings, rivals to lovers, crash, major injury, medical innacuracies, bittersweet ending, not beta read; t.w: brief christian horner scene.

Relationship: Sebastian Vettel x Reader

Note: This is fully inspired by the song, and throughout my writing process I realized it also fits mirrorball. This one may require some tissues (especially in part 2). Everything is fictional and I mean no disrespect to Sebastian or his family (they don't exist in this story). I'm sorry it took me forever to come back to it, but there it is, hope I don't disappoint Not proofread. Comments and feedback are welcomed.

Find me on Twitter!

Ending whatever complicated fling was going on with you and Sebastian was the right, rational call, you knew that. But your body, your heart, regretted it every couple of weeks as you laid awake in bed, plagued by memories, need and longing.

You decided to just do your best during that season. You couldn’t fight for the championship anymore, but you still wanted a great season since the following year would be your last in the current contract with Red Bull. A great performance could secure a renewal or even the interest of other teams.

Sebastian and you still saw each other frequently during race weekends, your eyes always finding each other across the crowd. He was consumed with guilt, of having been blinded by his own privileges that he didn’t see the struggle that was being a woman in Formula One. He vowed to never be so far from reality like that ever again.

He wanted to stop you, to talk to you again, to try and fix things, but there was this constant mix of shame and uncertainty about your reaction if he tried reaching out again. Sometimes he would look at you from afar, and he’d see something in your eyes, something that felt like the same longing he had. Some other times, you looked at him like you hated him.

Eventually in the third race to the last in Bahrain, he couldn’t take it anymore. There was this string tugging at his heart, begging to see you and talk everything through. During the Friday afternoon, between Free Practices, he marched around decidedly, looking for you. He walked into the garage and no one seemed to mind his presence as he went straight into your driver’s room. He barged in, not bothering to knock. You were sitting on the couch, drinking Red Bull and going through some papers. You frowned and stood up as you saw him.

“What are you-”

“Stop…” He interrupted with both hands up, “don’t say anything just yet.”

You frowned but didn’t look particularly angry, your frown softening into a stunned silence. Sebastian sighed, breathing slowly, he had a plan and a speech when he was marching there, but now, looking at your face, your pretty eyes, he had lost all sense of reason.

“We’ll talk about everything, rationally, like adults. Okay?” He offered, and you slowly nodded, unsure but also willing to try, “Not now, because the race and everything. But- this monday, okay? After the race, after we get a good night’s sleep. We’ll go to a nice restaurant, and we’ll talk over good food. A real date this time, no hiding anymore,” He said, his words pouring out fast, like he wasn’t truly thinking about what to say, his heart pounding with a mix of fear and excitement, “Monday night?”

“Monday night,” You nodded, no anger in your eyes, just a glimmer of hope.

“Good,” He nodded and just left.

You stood there, speechless, but with a disbelief smile on your face, looking almost silly. Despite the anger you felt the last time you two actually spoke, there was this undeniable magnetic pull between you, and you didn’t seem to be able to be away from him just as he wasn’t able to be away from you.

The whole weekend, you felt that nervous energy, almost bouncing up the walls, you attributed it to the race, but you knew it was more than that. The car had been great the whole week, you qualified P2, your first real possibility of win in a few months, which would be a blast to finish the season winning one of the last races.

You were smiling as you waved to the fans during the driver’s parade, your first hopeful and excited pre-race interview in quite some time. As you put on your gloves and helmet, you couldn’t help but feel some sense of purpose. You would give your very best in that race.

You just didn’t know it would be your last time behind a Formula 1 wheel.

The race was great, it started alright and most of it you kept your P2, even after a failed attempt of undercut, you still managed your P2, but then came the moment, the point of no return in your career, the very moment that changed the trajectory of your life forever.

After turn 15, you had finally managed to catch up to the P1, less than half a second behind him, and despite his car being fast, you could try and overtake him with the DRS. You pushed the fastest you could in the straight, closing and closing the distance, almost succeeding in overtaking, but as the DRS zone ended, you realized you’d have to wait another lap to try again. But then, as you pushed the pedal to brake and slow down into turn 1, the car kept going. So many things happened in the span of mere seconds, but they felt like ages to you.

“I’ve got no brakes,” You said into the radio as you tried braking. Then you tried engine braking and the security system braking. None of it worked.

With quick thinking, you decided to face the turn that way and bear it. You'd probably lose a lot of grip with the rear, but if you hit the curbs it’d help you slow down and just drive to a stop. You kept trying the brake pedals all the way to the turn, when suddenly, the tyres locked up and everything happened really fast.

You weren’t able to turn, the tyres locked and you had no way to slow down the car. All you did was brace as you went full force straight into the barriers, the impact so hard it made your car split in half. You blacked out for a couple of seconds and then came to again, a ringing in your ears as you tried to situate yourself, a mix of excruciating pain and numbness, pulsing hard, almost keeping you in and out of it.

Pain. Numb. Pain. Numb.

You tried to stay awake, hearing your name being called in the distance, the numbness giving each time more space to the excruciating pain but you couldn’t identify where it came from.

“Talk to me! Are you okay?” You were only half aware of the voice in the radio, and you blindly reached for the button with shaky hands.

“H-help,” your voice was shaky, hoarse and so unlike yourself.

You couldn’t move, you couldn’t bring yourself to even reply again, even more aware of the pain now, barely keeping your head up and your eyes opened. Teary eyed, a distant, cold part of you knew it was over. It was over forever.

Then you blacked out.

“Sebastian, red flag, red flag,” His engineer called, as if he had not seen all the red flags throughout the circuit.

He drove back to the boxes, hopping off the car as he saw other drivers do the same, he marched into the Ferrari garage, worried.

“Is everyone okay? Who was it?” He asked, as he removed his helmet and balaclava.

The grief faces around him didn’t help, and Sebastian felt a sense of dread as he turned to the closest screen showing the live coverage of the race. The transmission was a helicopter shot of your car into the wall, or a better description would be two piles of wreckage of your car as the marshals rushed towards it. He felt like he could puke, despair spreading through his chest.

“What did she say? What happened?” He asked anyone willing to answer, his eyes glued to the screen. As if on cue, a replay of your crash played out on the screen.

“S-she asked for help. She didn’t reply again after that.” Someone said, somber, and a lump lodged in Sebastian’s throat.

He kept staring at the video, then a replay of your radio also came through, the despair as you realized you had no brakes, the urgency in your engineer’s voice as he asked you to try other means. And the faint “Help” you said after one of the ugliest crashes Sebastian had ever seen. He had never been a religious guy, but at that moment, he prayed. His eyes glued to the screen as the marshals started removing pieces surrounding you and the car, and the ambulance arrived. They started checking you and were about to pull you out of the wreckage.

Then, the cameras were cut off, showing the drivers and everyone in the garages. Sebastian knew that for the transmission to stop showing, it meant the crash was really bad, it meant that however they were pulling you out, it was ugly. Sebastian felt a shiver up his spine as he thought about the possibility they were removing your dead body from there.

With that, he marched out of the Ferrari garage and towards RB, and he found other drivers were already making their way there too, everyone desperate for any news. A few minutes later it was reported that you had been taken by helicopter to the nearest hospital. Sebastian breathed again as they reported you were alive, but unconscious.

The race was interrupted officially a few minutes later, Sebastian and Lewis along with a few other drivers were still waiting by the Red Bull garage for more news on you. Slowly, everyone was sent away when the news came from the hospital that you were hurt, but not in a life threatening situation and you’d stay in the hospital for observation.

That was when Sebastian finally left, a little shaken as he went through his post race duties.

The following morning, after a tossing and turning almost sleepless night, the official representatives confirmed that you were alright but had unfortunately fractured a leg, and would not take part in the remaining two races of the season.

Even after he got news on you, and there was this sense of relief that you’d recover, the knot in his stomach remained, his gut saying that something was off. But he brushed it off, thinking it was just lingering anxiety from the accident.

He wanted to talk to you, see you. He got your number from Lewis and texted you but you never replied and he kept trying. A few days later, Lewis commented with him that you hadn’t replied to his text either. And later they found out you actually had not replied to any of the drivers or anyone from the Formula 1 teams.

After Abu Dhabi, when the season ended, he got a hold of your manager, leaving an office in the Red Bull garage. He stopped her, gently taking a hold of her arm.

“How’s she doing? Do you have any news on her?” He pressed.

“She’s alright, still recovering.”

“Why hasn’t she answered her phone?”

“She’s recovering and took a break from social media and the internet, so she hasn’t been able to communicate well. I’m sure once she’s fully recovered she’ll get back to you.”

“Do you have a home telephone, e-mail or even an address where we can reach her? See her?” He asked, almost desperate.

“I’m sorry. Just give her some time, I’m sure she will come around.”

With that, your manager left quickly, holding a small stack of files with both hands, the “classified” stamp boldly branding it. Sebastian kept trying to contact you, failing miserably each time.

When the Prize Giving ceremony came, he was bouncing with nervous energy, hoping and praying he would get to see you again. If anything, just to know you’re really okay and well. You didn’t show up to the ceremony, but suddenly you were awarded the Personality of the Year award.

Then, your face showed up on the big screen, and Sebastian felt his breath stuck in his throat. It was a simple, regular video of you, you were wearing a pretty dress and your hair was in an up-do. Your face had makeup like you always wore in these kinds of events, pretty eyes and big lashes, and a scarlet lipstick. Your face looked healthy, despite your eyes lacking its usual brightness.

“Hi, everyone!” Came your recorded voice with a smile, “It’s such an honor to receive this award. Thank you to everyone who voted for me and congratulations to all other drivers on the season. I’m well and recovering, and I’m grateful for all the well wishes all of you sent me these past weeks, I truly appreciate them.” Your smile faded almost imperceptibly, but Sebastian noticed as you inhaled softly, like you were resigned to something, “I will take this opportunity to let you know that I’m retiring from Formula 1 from now on. I’m grateful for all the opportunities, all the dreams achieved and the amazing people I got to know and work with. Thank you very much.”

As the video cut off, there was a stunned silence since absolutely no one saw that coming. No one expected you to announce your retirement like this. So suddenly, especially considering you had one more year of contract with your team. And you were also very young, just 28.

The event went on but Sebastian couldn’t move on from your video, from seeing your face and hearing your voice again. He went through the motions for the rest of the night, and at some point, Lewis stopped him to chat about how glad he was that you looked healthy. But Sebastian couldn’t shake off that pit in his stomach.

The following week, once he was done with his postseason duties, he called Lewis and a couple of the drivers you were the closest with. Still, none of them had any news on you, no text, no calls, nothing. He went digging further and found out you lived in Monte Carlo, in the same building as a few other drivers. Desperate for anything he went there personally to look for you. After giving your name and being recognized, the staff member checked on their computer for a moment.

“Unfortunately, she moved out of this building around a week ago.”

“What…?” Sebastian whispered to himself, shocked, “S-she… um, do you know if she moved to another place here in Monaco? Or she moved to another country or something?”

“I don’t have that information, sir,” the woman replied, looking at him with a smile apologetically.

Sebastian nodded and left, helpless.

Time went on, the world spun, and he never heard about you again. The holidays came and went, and a new season started. People still spoke about you, whispers about your retirement and the accident, many conspiracies theories about why you had disappeared. But oddly enough, the FIA and the F1 representatives never spoke much about you.

Not seeing you again was eating him alive, especially whenever he remembered the last time you had talked, the promise of a future that never came. One time, he went to the Red Bull to try and get any information about you. He kept bothering the staff for months, everyone including Christian, who was the one to put a firm stop to his nonsense of bothering the team’s staff about you.

“I need to talk to her, it’s important,” Sebastian pleaded.

“Have you considered that maybe she doesn’t want to be bothered? That she doesn’t want to speak with you or anyone for that matter?” Christian said, “This stops now, Sebastian. Stop bothering my team about this or I’ll have to go to Todt.”

Sebastian deflated, feeling defeated, only nodded, walking away.

He still talked about you on occasion, mentioning a battle in passing, or whenever the only woman to win a Formula 1 championship was mentioned. Sometimes he hoped you were watching, that you could see the longing in his eyes, that you’d feel something and reach out to him. And then later, he felt silly, stupid for wishing so.

Late at night, he stared at the ceiling, trying to commit to memory everything that had ever happened between you. The fights, the shouts but even more the chats, the making love and the silly conversations you two had late at night, your naked bodies covered by a thin blanket as you chatted about anything and everything. He always thought about your hands mindlessly drawing on his skin, you two drifting off to sleep, and then one of you sneaking out in the middle of the night. No goodbyes to make it easier.

And now the lack of goodbyes felt like an open wound for him.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five years passed and Sebastian believed he had learned to deal with your absence, with the lack of closure. But it was a lie he kept telling himself, even if every year, he kept trying your phone number, your email, sending texts and notes, until your phone number was discontinued and probably sold again, for a new owner and your email stopped receiving and his letters would not go through. He never changed his own number, expecting you to eventually call.

When he announced his retirement, a small part of him hoped you’d reach out once you got the news. You never did.

After his announcement, he decided to resort to desperate measures and hired a private investigator. And finally, after a couple months since the end of his last season, he got news on you.

Ben, his P.I., got an image of you in a café in a quaint little town, you sitting down, sipping some coffee and reading a book. The image was a little blurry, probably taken from a long distance, but it looked like you.

Now, Sebastian was retired and had free time, and he immediately packed a suitcase and went to the town. He arrived there on a friday morning, and after checking in at a small but comfortable inn, he went straight to the café. Ben had told him the photo was taken in the late morning, so since very early, he went to the café and decided to wait for you. Ordering a coffee and a muffin, he waited.

And waited. And waited.

Hours and hours and a bunch of coffees and muffins later, the staff were looking at him strangely, and one of the ladies looked at him with pity, warning they were about to close.

“Were you waiting for someone, boy?” She asked.

“Yes, uh- a friend,” He sighed, standing up. He said your name, and the woman seemed to recognize the name, “She’s this tall,” He gestured, showing your height, and gave a brief physical description of you, and the woman nodded.

“I know her! Very sweet but also a bit stubborn.”

“I thought I might find her here, but…” He shrugged, giving his best puppy look to the older woman.

It didn’t take much for the woman to give him your address, and despite the urge to go straight there, Sebastian knew it was late, signaled by the café closing and he knew small towns like this usually went to sleep early. So he went to the inn, taking a shower and going to bed, trying to sleep, trying to get to the following day.

But his racing heart was making it impossible to sleep, and he laid on the bed, thinking of you, going in and off sleep, dreaming of you.

In the morning, he had breakfast and went to your address in a moment that wasn’t too early in the morning. Your house was a medium sized family looking home, cozy, a big front and backyard. It looked like somewhere to have a family in and to grow old.

He walked up to your porch, drying his hands on his jeans and before he could hesitate, he rang the doorbell.

He wondered if you would welcome him, at least as a friend. His nerves wondered if you had gotten married, had a family, and he was just a pathetic and creepy guy for never moving on from you. He wondered if-

You opened the door, freezing the moment your eyes met his. Sebastian looked at your face, still as stunning as ever, showing small signs of aging, but they suited your face beautifully. Your hair was longer, natural, and your face looked healthy, with a beautiful sunny hue to it.

“Principessa”

“Sebastian…” You said, shocked, “What- How…?”

“Can I come in?” He asked. You nodded, awkwardly scooting away from the doorway so he could come inside.

“I- do you want some tea?” You offered, unsure of how to feel with his presence so out of the blue.

“Yeah,” He nodded, following you inside and sitting on an armchair as you signaled him to. A small teapot on the coffee table between you, “I’ve been looking for you. Why did you disappear?” He asked, his voice almost tinged with despair.

You tried to think of what to say for a moment, pouring two mugs of tea to gather your thoughts, to grapple with the fact that Sebastian Vettel, your rival, lover and friend was there, suddenly, after five long years.

“What happened to you?” He asked again, his voice almost in pain.

“That crash happened…” You said, hands around the warm mug.

“It was worse than they made it seem, wasn’t it?” Sebastian said, a knowing look on his face when you nodded, getting up and slowly walking to a drawer on your bookshelf, he noticed how you favored one leg. You pulled a file from the drawer and walked back to the couch, handing it to him.

Silently, Sebastian opened the file, going through medical reports of you, all dated back to five years ago on that fateful night. You looked like you were avoiding looking at the files, busying yourself with preparing tea for the both of you. Sebastian read through the papers, and what caught his eyes were an x-ray of your knee, the one you were limping now, and a transverse fracture of your spine.

“Oh, my god…” Sebastian whispered, horrified. He stopped on a picture of you laying in a hospital bed, eyes red and puffy from crying that weren’t the main focus of the image, instead it was your knee, immobilized, held in place by a lot of metal pins, “What did they do to you…?”

“The crash, it bursted my knee. I almost lost my leg… Fracture, torn ligament, it was hanging by a thread. And my spine, a fracture that could’ve hindered me to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. It was brutal, my knee took the brunt of the impact, and my back was the split car…” You explained, almost robotically, like you had rehearsed that speech, your eyes were wet as you fought the tears, “They said I was lucky. Lucky I didn’t lose a leg, lucky I didn’t end up paraplegic…” You sighed, swallowing the tears, “They said I could never go back to a racing car again, because the G Forces could put too much strain on my injuries, not to mention, if I injured these two spots again, it would be risking more permanent damages. I was lucky I pulled through.”

There was bitterness in your voice, and how could you not feel bitter about that? How could you not feel angry and sad and mourn the life you once had. A life where racing had been everything to you.

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian reached for your hand, his expression completely crestfallen, “We had seen how that car was completely unreliable, how sometimes it worked and sometimes it was a hazard to you. I never thought it could end this badly…”

“And… I’m sorry I disappeared. I know you tried contacting me for a while, but… I just couldn’t see anything related to Formula 1. I couldn’t be near all that without feeling a gut wrenching pain, without feeling anger for anything related to motorsports… I just had to get away from all that.” You explained, looking lost and Sebastian could understand your pain. Despite the times he felt angry and sad for your disappearance, now that he knew about your reason to leave completely… he understood, “I’m sorry. I know you and some other drivers tried reaching out, but I just… I wasn’t in the right mind.”

“I understand. I can’t even imagine what you went through…” he said, his voice so understanding that a lump lodged into your throat, “how was recovery?”

“About a couple of years between the back fracture and the knee… A few surgeries, lots of physiotherapy. Lots of pain and sleepless nights…”

“Did you think about fighting, suing…?” He asked softly.

“I did… I was so angry. I wanted to sue all of them, the team, the FIA, the president. But then…” You paused for a second, “It’d drag out for god knows how long, they would surely bring all the weapons, smear campaigns, defamation, and… My image as a driver, as a person, would just be even more exploited. And I was so tired, I just wanted to heal away from all that.”

“I was so worried for a while. One day I saw your manager leaving the Red Bull hospitality…”

“There was a deal. They offered me an absurd amount of money for me to not sue them, to not bring to light what happened. They also paid for all my medical bills. I also made sure they would review the safety regulations, so no driver would have to risk their life like that again. And I know you’ll say it’s not fair, that they got away with it, but… I was just so tired. I spent my whole life playing a role, being the image they wanted… that tragic ending to my career was all I got? I genuinely wanted to disappear for the longest time after that,” You said, voice cracking for a moment, “Racing was my driving force and suddenly it was ripped away from me.”

“I wish I could’ve been there for you.” He whispered, which made your eyes water for a bit, but you looked at the ceiling, willing the tears away.

“I was a mess, there would be nothing you could do for me…” You said with a devastatingly sad little smile, “And I kept myself completely blocked from Formula 1.”

“Do you still feel pain?” He asked suddenly after a few seconds of silence.

“Physically?” You shook your head, “Sometimes a little discomfort when I’m in places where the weather is very cold.”

“And emotionally?” He whispered and you looked away, swallowing.

“You’re a racer, you can imagine…” That’s all you said.

Sebastian nodded softly, he couldn’t imagine being stopped from doing the one thing he loved the most right in his prime, in the heights of his career like you. And in one fleeting moment having that all stripped away. Your ability to do what you trained your whole life for.

“How-” He cleared his throat, deciding to change topics, “How are you living here? Enjoying?”

“Yeah, lots of free time and new hobbies…” You said, looking grateful for the change in topic, “Wanna see my garden?”

“Sure,” he nodded and you both stood up, he let you lead, his eyes dropping to your slight limp, and the constant sound of the cane hitting the floor with your steps.

You took him around your garden, where there were plants, flowers and even a small cultivation of vegetables. Everything was well cared for and groomed, there was even a small greenhouse where you guided him inside. He could barely look away from your face, your pretty eyes, your lovely lips and beautiful face that only got prettier with time.

“And here…” You stopped inside the greenhouse, “Some plants that are a little more sensitive… Tomatoes, some strawberries…” You grabbed a small clipper and handed him a fresh strawberry.

He stared at you, a silly smile on his face, watching as you grabbed a strawberry and took a small bite, the juices coating your lips in a pinkish color. His eyes dropped to your hand, noticing the absence of a wedding ring, or an engagement ring.

“Do you have a significant other?” He asked, interrupting your ramble for a moment, which made you blink, blushing slightly.

“No, I-” You paused, timid, “No…”

He walked closer, entering your personal space, his hand on your jaw, holding gently, his thumb slowly wiping the leftover strawberry juice on your lower lip.

You looked at him, tempted, looking like you wanted to risk everything. But then you scolded your face, walking away from him and back to your house. He just followed you, until you two were back in your living room. He went after you, looking like a kicked puppy.

“Sebastian,” you sighed, unsure of what to say.

“What about us?” he asked, and there was so much unsaid, but you didn’t need words when you could see it all in his eyes.

And despite wanting so badly to give in, to give a real shot to something you never got the chance to explore, you also knew you were still a mess, and being away from Formula 1 for so long, you didn’t want to bring back all the bad feelings you had regarding it. It would put an even bigger strain on you two.

Things were so complicated now, you didn’t tell him you never stopped thinking about him. That you were haunted by what-ifs, that you would have vivid dreams of a family and a future with him. You didn’t tell him about all the sweaty nights when the memories of your shared passion kept you awake. And you didn’t tell him the last thing you saw before passing out after the crash were his shiny blue eyes.

“I’ve been away from motorsports for so long, and I don’t know if-”

“I retired. Last year,” He interrupted you, “and it won’t matter to us. We have so much else to explore…”

“Sebastian… I’m a mess. I look okay now, but I still have bad days. Awful days. And it’s ugly.” You said, voice clipped. Like you weren’t allowing yourself to want, to just take a leap and do what you have yearned for so long.

“I don’t care, don’t you see that I lo-”

“You need to go,” You said walking to the door to open it, as Sebastian paused like a dejavú, “Leave, Sebastian.”

He swallowed, remembering that time you said the exact same words that sent him away. That time he did exactly that, respecting your wishes instead of his own. Gulping, Sebastian took a step forward and turned around on your porch, walking away. He stopped midway to his car, looking over his shoulder. You were still rooted to the spot, watching him. He looked down at his own feet.

“Fuck it,” He muttered under his breath.

He marched back, long strides up to your porch, so fast that you could barely register when he wrapped his arms around you and picked you up in a hug, his face nuzzled into your neck, breathing in.

“No,” he whispered against your skin, “I’m not letting you go again. Ever.”

And then finally, finally, you hugged him back, tightly around his neck silently because there was no need for words, a silent understanding of finding each other again. Of having someone like him, who fought for you, to find you even when you thought you shouldn’t be found. When you broke the hug, Sebastian held your face with both hands, his thumb gently wiping the tears you had shed during the hug.

“I love you, Principessa.”

“Even now? Even after all this time?” You asked, voice shaky but your eyes with a glimmer of hope.

“Even after all this time,” He nodded, blue eyes shining in happiness, a barely contained smile on his face.

“I love you too, by the way,” You said, shyly and hiding your face into his chest.

“No, that won’t do,” He laughed, a playful cocky chuckle, “I need you to look me in the eyes when you say it,” He tangled his fingers on your hair at the nape, tugging gently so he could make you look up at him, when you did, there was this playful look in his face and you almost melted right there.

“I love you, Sebastian,” You smiled, feeling silly. Sebastian nodded, leaning forward to peck your cheek, his lips slowly descending your jaw and neck.

“Let me stay,” He asked, his lips brushing your skin and making you shudder, closing your eyes.

“Only if you stay forever,” You smiled, and he started walking you backwards, entering your house again, his hands on your hips helping you stay up as he gently nipped your neck.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” He said, kicking the door closed behind him, “You also owe me a date, Princess. Remember?” He gently laid you down on the sofa, slowly laying down on top of you, “And I intend to charge it, with all the interest fees…” He joked, pressing a soft kiss to your chin.

-----

TAGLIST: @ririgy @ironmaiden1313 @w4ltmeister @vellicora @hopefulsophie @chloeannabelle @rebelatbay @crashingwavesofeuphoria @zoeyjadetice2010

#f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #formula 1 #f1 #sebastian vettel x you #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel #sv5 #sv5 x reader #sv5 imagine

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solar4seekstron · 1 day ago

Text

(Requested) Tf1!D-16/Megatron x Cybertronian!Femme!Reader/Yandere!Sentinel x Cybertronian!Femme!Reader: Sparkling

Content: D-16 and reader are expecting. Sentinel lies about D and Orion dying. Sentinel holds reader captive until D returns but by then he’s a different person by then.

TW/Tags: possessiveness, wholesome movements, death, pregnant!reader, cutest little sparkling I’ve ever wrote for oh my god I love this family, Megatron is a soft baby daddy, he loves reader and his sparkling, Sentinel really just held reader captive over night after Ds “death”. I think that’s all.

Note: I decided Conjunx isn’t a thing in this fic in order for a certain plot point in the story to work so sorry no Conjunx in this fic like in most of my others.

You and D-16 have been together for a long time. When he became your sparkmate. Things only got better when you have him the news you're with sparkling. You both talked about this day. It was common for miners to have little spankings running around and to eventually start helping with finding energon for the city.

Though you like a few others didn’t want this for your child. D is the same. Even contemplating about possibly giving you a sparkling.

So when you gave him the news. He soon returned it with joy. He already knew he’ll not regret raising a lil mini him with you. He chuckled at the thought once he told you that. You smiled at him. Happy to see him in thought of having a little mini him running around.

To play and playfully beat up his uncle Orion. You’d feel your sparkling grow in your stomach. And boy. Were they a big baby.

”Come on Megatronus is a great name if a boy. Oh! And Solus if a girl! And Prima if nutural!”

”D we are not naming our sparkling after a Prime. Why not after your best friend Orion-“

”NO-“

”Ok-“You chuckled. Gently holding his cervos as you both chuckled. Eventually you both agreed on a name that D called. Tough and strong. You didn’t mind it as much.

You already saw some of their head pushing some metal forward. Then the same thing happening from the top of your waist where their legs are located.

D was pretty proud of how big his little sparkling inside you was getting. “Haha! Big bot just like their sire!”

He did brag for a few days until you would drag him away. Giving the others a break. Even Orion was pretty excited to be an uncle and would ask to feel the dents from the baby at times when D wasn’t around. You’d of course let him..

But D hated it when you had to stay in the mining rooms for a few months as it got harder for you to even move. You still looked normal as you only had a few metal parts sticking out from your stomach

When the day came for the Iacon race. You told D you would stay with the other spiked femmes and GN bots. D understood and give you a loving kiss. “Man I cant wait to have you all to myself again.”

Causing Orion to groan as D chuckled. “Yes you will…after a couple months once my body heals.”

You responded to mess with him and avenge poor Orion. Causing D to now groan and chuckle after. And so later that day he and Orion made their way to the race. After what seemed like 30 minutes. You’d then feel a surge of pressure at your pelvis.

Uh oh. The other bot looked at you as you look down.

Your water broke.

You were in Pain. D was at the race with no way of anyone reaching him easily from within the crowed.

You were immediately brought to the cit hospital. Luckily you were a mining bot so carrying you into a room was easier.

Senitnel, who was there after the race to come “congratulate” the two miners from the race. After dealing with the two and having Airachnid send Darkwing to “deal” with them.

As you were brought in and sat in the room. Sentinel who just happened to be there. Was looking at you. Intrigued by a femme so well kept as you are. But when one of the nurses said you were here to give birth….he was upset. But he wasn’t too worried.

In this world where they can give berth to a transformer. He made sure the poeple in medican. Having the privilege to help people. Knows to remove the cogs of a child. If their parent happens to be a miner.

As you waited. The sparkling finally calming down for a bit. As you waited you then heard a knock at your door. Walking in was Sentinel himself. He had his usual smile as he does when he speaks to the city through the hologram. You were surprised. And you couldn’t really sit up as he then spoke.

From there he stayed with you for some time until it came time for you to give birth.

”Ah always nice to see another bot coming in to give another life. How are we feeling today my dear?” He sat in one of the chairs. “And who is this….Lucky bot?”

”He’s one of our strongest miners sir. I’m lucky enough to have him as a Conjunx. His name is D-16.”…..Sentinel gulped. But chuckled to not raise suspicion. Ah yes we love it when our worker make time to create families just like the rest of us!”

You’d not as looked out the window. “Hopefully the others find him at the race and and tells him the wonderful news.”

You didn’t notice the cringe look on his face.

When he was about to speak suddenly you groaned. “Th- the baby! It’s coming!!!” You screamed as the doctors and nurses ran in. Sentinel was asked to leave as you were about to give birth. He walked out and saw Darkwing. Speaking low to him as the two looked at the door. Hearing you moan and groan.

”Are they dealt with?”

”Yes sir.” Sentinel smiled.

———————————————————————————

During this D and Orion were sneaking on the train with B. D was of course against it. Not knowing still of your situation. He tells Orion how you must have at least a few days before birth but he should still be there with you. That’s until Orion finally convinces him to go. He already knows he’ll get an earful from you.

After you gave birth to your sparkling. The nurses took your sparkling to watch them up.

They were able to fix you up removing those visible outer dents from under your chest to down above your pelvis.

As you laid there the doctors made sure you were covered up . You were exhausted. Sentinel then gave a nurse an order to turn on the tv in order for you to hear the news by him.

After some time you were more awake. You looked at the TV and saw Sentinel speak.

As you listened, you are hit with the worst news as you saw clips of D-16 and Orion in the race…..D was dead..

You were crying as the nurses came in with your sparkling. Pretending to be unaware of the tv.

As you were able to sit up, you gently held you sparkling. She looked so much like her Sire….Having Ds color scheme. Most of his armor. Her chest and legs looking like yours.

Her helmet a mix of both of yours and Ds. She has your purple optics. And……she’s cogless…of course. But non the less….she’s beautuiful….perfect.

She looked up at you and opened her mouth, like she wanted to speak as she smiles at you…She has her Sires smile, little grin…You felt both pain but joy at the same time in your spark.

After some time as you gently rested your cervo on your sparklings chest.

Her gently grabbing your digit with her little cervos as she tried to bite at the tip of your digit. Her big purple optics staring up at you as a smile still formed at the corner of her dermas.

Tears slowly going down you optics as you stared down at her. Sentinel then walked in. Taking his seat once more and looked at you and your sparkling. You believe this is a high honor.

“So how’s the lil sparkling doin?”

He said in a cheery voice trying to seem like he cares as he looks at you instead of your sparkling. You spoke as your voice was dry and rough. But still almost the same.

”She’s wonderful. Strong and healthy…Just like her Sire.” She giggled as she keeps trying to eat at your digit.

“The nurses are coming with energon….I just. Don’t know what to do when I return to the mining quarters….Raising her without her Sire…”

You’d then feel Sentinel place a cervo on your shoulder as ou both can hear your sparkling babble.

“You know…giving your ‘sparkmate’ has proven miners can show that they can do more. Even without a cog! Why don’t you come to the tower. Live up the life you would’ve had with him. A better life for you and your sparkling. Of course you can visit your mining friends so you sparkling can be with other little miners as well.”

You looked at him. “Do you truly mean this Sentinel?”

”Of course my dear.” He cringed a bit and tried to think of what to do next to keep your guard down. “Uhh What’s her name.”

You’d gently smile at him as you tell him.

”Spiker”

———————————————————————————

After some time you were living at the tower for the time being. Sentinel told you you two will go over how to help the miners.

After sometime you stared to wonder. Everytime he was with you, he’d just complement you and even flirt with you at times as you tried to spend your first day with your sparkling as much as you can.

At times you’d notice at the corner of your optics. At the door Sentinel was watching you…What is he up to?

A few hours before D would return unknown to you. You’re still grieving. Setting you sparkling in her crib to sleep as her little cervos held onto your digit until you pulled away.

As you walked to the door, Sentinel was there in the living room with his cervos behind his back. He’d then notice you walk out and he takes steps towards you with his usual smile. “Sentinel are we ready to finally speak about helping the miners.”

He chuckled. His cervo gently grabbing yours once he kneeled down as his brings it to his dermas and kissed the back of it.

“I’ve seen your track record. I must say I’m impressed.” He keeps your cervo close to his helm as he stares down at you. “Thank you Sentinel. So are we to speak here? Or in a meeting rooom with other surpior?”

He scoffed but then soon chuckles. “Yes we’ll get to that. But I also have..another position for you my dear.”

His helm leaning down closer to you.

”Seeing that your sparkmate is…deceased. You should give your sweet sparkling a new sire. No sparkling should grow with just one parent.”

You just stared up at him as you grow more confused. What is he saying?” Before you knew it you were pinned against the wall. His frame against yours.

”Sentinel what are you-“

”Shh shh. Don’t wish to wake up our sparkling now don’t you?” He grinned as his cervos set on your hips. You’d press your cervos against his chest as you spoke in a whisper.

”Sentinel I cant just..date a prime!” You were basically covered by him as his optics narrowed.

”Oh I wasn’t asking sweetspark…Don’t worry I’m sure we’ll get a cog from a bot that no one will remember. And for your sparkling as well….sadly the only down side will be you and your sparkling…will be completely……different.”

You only stared at him with wide optics. He’s then grin.

”Now be a good partner and spend some time with your Prime. Hm?”

He chuckled. His dermas on your neck cable as he places soft kisses as you turned your helm towards the door. The room your sparkling is at.

Primus. What have you done?

———————————————————————————

You would stay in the large apartment in a tower belonging to Sentine and his closest guards. You’ve been there for almost an hour until you see Sentinels guards bring in unconscious bots. It seems they went into the meeting room of the tower. It was already morning.

Your sparkling was in your arms as she ate some energon. She would’ve started crying if you left her and is already wide awake. You made your way to the door and peaked through the door.

Your sparkling calm. She defiently takes it from you.

You’d see a bunch of bots on their knees as Sentinel spoke to a larger bot. And it seemed that their cervos were tied behind their back. You didn’t notice a now cogged D-16. You came from the door behind the many bots.

You thought maybe these bots could help you if you can help release them. Or maybe distract Sentinel and the guards enough for one of them to escape?

And so with your sparkling gently grabbing at your chest as she looks up at you. You walked out once he punches a grayish bot and kneeled before the bot. He seemed to have taken a sticker off the bot. Almost sounding familiar. The bot then yelled.

”He’s a greater then you’ll ever be!”

Sentinel puts the sticker back and starts engraving something on the bots chest. Causing you to run closer. The other bots there looking at you.

”Sentinel!” He stoppped once he heard you. “Y/N! Return to your room! Guards! Take her and the sparkling back.”

Your sparkling started crying as the guards got closer. She was reaching for te grey bot. When the bot seemed to slowly get up. He was almost on his side as he looked up and saw you.

“Y/N!”

His optics wide as he saw you and….His Sparkling!!! Spiker still crying as she reached out to him. Knowing her Sire.

You kept her close as the guards grabbed your arms. And one of them tries to take her in order to not hurt her when dragging you back. D then starts getting up.

Only for a guard to punch him forward as he only stared at you and Spiker.

“Protect Y/N and get them out of here!”

Out of now where a train came and hit Sentinel. The guards soon take you out of the tower. Taking you down the halls as one of them held your sparkling who didn’t stop crying.

You could not hear distruction and your sparklings cry’s. But out of nowhere a punch of seekers came and took care of the guards.

They told you they work for D-16 and as one of the femmes pick you up. Another bot was able to get your sparkling. He gently held the chikd and flew you two out fo the tower. Bringing you to a safe distance and join alongside a crowd.

Your sparkling reaching to you the while time in the bots arms. You and your sparkling in your arms stand for a good time as you watched D fight and kill Megatron.

You covered your sparkling optics after he dropped Optimus down into the planet.

After Optimus Primes and Megatrons battle. One of the seekers looked at you and picks you up. Taking with him as you all flew to the surface.

During your flying time two cogs appeared. Megatron below seeing this. The cogs go into your and your sparklings chest. Causing you two to change your alt mode in the seekers arms.

Once you all made your way to a safe spot of the surface at a mountain. The seeker let you down and leaves.

As everyone else stayed at one part of the mountain.

You and Spiker were a bit further away. As Megatron requested. Soon Megatron made his way to you. You calmed your sparkling who was trying to stop crying.

Megatron looked down at you and your sparkling. His now red optics almost soft and his face a mix of anger, sadness, worry, and almost uncertain. You looked at him as your sparkling reached up to him.

”You…were at his tower..”

”Megatron he kept me there against my will! He told me you died! He wouldn’t let me leave after going there. I believed he wanted me to help make the city better! I-I-I”

As you spoke he looked at his sparkling. She looked so much like him with small traits of you. She continued to stare at him with wide optics as she reached up at him with a smile and giggling.

”D- Megatron I didn’t know I thought you were dead. I thought you-“

He set his cervo on your waist as he leaned down. Now only being a few feet shorter then him. Being a few inches taller then Starscream.

”I..Undertsand. He lied to me too. He lied to all of us.”

His other cervo gently holding Spikers back as she stared up at him.

”But we know the truth now. And I will lead us to the future. A better on. For You. Our sparkling. Us. Everyone here for us to have a better home.”

His forhelm presses against yours as Spiker continues to reach up at him. Megatron then presses his dermas against yours. You both holding a passionate and soft kiss with each other as you both close your optics. When you both pulled apart Spiker let out a baby shout and moving her little arms.

Megatron chuckled and gently held her. taking her from your arms.

”And you my little sparkling shall be my heir. My when I saw those pushed dents on your carrier I didn’t expect you to be this much bigger. You gave her that name we agreed to?”

”Yes…her name is Spiker. She has a Strong personality.”

You joked as you watched him hold Spiker up. Her little cervos reaching for his face as he smiled up at her. He’d then bring her closer to his helm.

Letting her cervos gently grab at his chin and nose.

He kept a smile on his dermas as he notices she has his smile. Even having his laugh as she only looked at him with joy.

You with a smile on your face as well. He’d hold her with one arm as his other sets on your waist pulling you closer as he smiles down at you. You setting a cervo on Spikers lap and the other on Megatrons chest. Even Spiker had one of her little cervos on top of yours and her other reacher for Megatrons chin. You three really do look like a happy family.

From then on you and your sparkling stay by Megatrons side. A family to rule together. Even as things…slowly change.

I WISH i was reader right now like my god- I love this man so much and obviously for a big and strong dude of course he’d make big sparklings (Idea: Terry from Brooklyn nine-nine).

Reader just lucky her baby didn’t kill her lmao.

As always I hope you guys enjoy this and if you guys want me to post cute little Megatron family moments together. Like Megatron being a dad….and cockblocked occasionally. Please leave a comment of any ideas. I know y’all are thirsty for sparkling content and…other thing lol.

As always re post is appreciated and cant wait to see what requests you simps come up with next.

#x reader #transformers one #transformers one x reader #transformers #transformers x reader #d 16 x reader #tf one megatron #transformers one megatron #megatron x reader #sentinel x reader #tf one sentinel prime #sentinel prime #tfone sentinel

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