#i think this is so funny

[takami-takami]

Keigo never really stopped to think about his size before he met you.

He's aware he's big. He has eyes. But it never really mattered much to him besides the typical "huh, nice." when glancing down that men try to pretend they don't do.

So when he first tugs his cock free and your eyes practically pop out of your head, a whisper of "Jesus Christ" escaping, his first instinct is to worry.

He's about to ask "wait, is something wrong?" before he realizes it's not fear, but admiration he sees in those eyes that are laser-focused and transfixed between his legs.

Well. Maybe a little bit of fear. But it's a good kind.

It doesn't take him long at all to develop an ego.

By the third time he has you sobbing on his thick cock, insides stretched to the brim while his thighs grind against your ass, those sweet little words he coos carry an unshakeable confidence.

Words like, "you can take it baby, c'mon, it's okay. Shh, it's alright, so good f'me. Take me inside, baby. I'll make it fit. You've done it before, yeah? So proud of you, you take big cock so good."

Before long, he's faking obnoxious yawns next you on the couch— an excuse to place his arms behind the seat and spread his legs apart, enticing your predictable stare. He couldn't hold back that knowing grin if he tried. His boisterous laugh in response to your accusation of "stop being a slut, Kei'" only ceases once it's cut off by a moan, your knees thudding against the floor to properly kiss his prominent bulge through the clothes.

By the tenth time, he praises himself nearly as much as you.

"You love taking this fat fuckin' cock, don't you? Love being split open on my dick, yeah? Only mine? Shit— yeah, you do. Don't even care that it's stretching your guts, do you? Nah, you love it, you fuckin' love it. 'S that why you're screaming so loud, baby? Sound so pretty when you do. Get your head out the pillow, wanna hear you. Wanna hear that pretty voice scream my name when I take you."

"Mine," he snarls. "All fuckin' mine."

Once the post-nut clarity hits, he promises he'll go back to normal: wings drooping in apology like a kicked puppy as he thumbs away your thick tears of pleasure.

"Ah... Sorry, baby. Wasn't too rough, was I? You did so good. You sore? Want me to run a bath?"

All you're capable of providing is a shaky thumbs up.

[cate-deriana]

Currently rewatching the show and I'm wondering, just how many rapiers do they lose over those eight episodes?

Episode 1: At least Lucy loses her's at Sheen Road. I am not sure of Lockwood's though. Does he still have it while jumping off the burning house?

Episode 3: All kit is lost in Combe Carey Hall?

Episode 4: Lucy throws her rapier at the cemetery and I think she leaves without picking it up because "the Skull talked to her"?

Episode 5: At least Lockwood would have lost his at Winkman's shop.

Episode 7: Lockwood loses his after being exposed by Winkman. And I think Lucy's is lost as well before they're jumping into the Thames?

Episode 8: Lucy's rapier is at least "god knows where" in the catacombs for a time being.

I don't know but that sounds expensive...😅

[shrimpalbuspotter]

Imagining some pompous rich kid coming to Hogwarts a few years late and having one goal in mind: Befriend the richest people in his year.

Just to find out that the two richest people in his year, aka the two richest families at Hogwarts, are Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy. Complete utter losers, outcasted from even their own house, and currently giggling to eachother while picking out their bags that had been thrown into the black lake.

Maybe networking isn't that important...

[hansrilowz]

daily self-affirmations 💗

• i did not die on a rollercoaster

• i am in a successful chamber choir

• i am what the world needs

• i am not just an organ donor

• i am that fucked up girl

• i am a hooker with a heart of black charcoal

• i am the money

• i am married to my girlfriend

• i am loving in my home country with my wife talia

• i am a space age bachelor man

• sexy cat women want me

• i know my true identity

• my friends and family know and love me

• my head is on my body

• i see the gold i see the pink i see the blue

• i love and appreciate life

• i do not think life is a game

[hiyyihrts]

my (previously bisexual now turned straight) gf had the opposite of a gay awakening this year when she watched challengers for the first time she walked away loving all three characters but Mike Faist stayed like a plague in her mind and she’s called it quits for everyone except him now. you could say she’s mikefiastsexual now or whatever

[cultist-bones]

It's not just me right? I'm not the only one who can see the resemblance yes?

[goldenlandfiascos]

in case you didn't know, the wiki lists Eva's dislikes as "All reptiles but especially snakes", and this art from the EP8 manga has Natsuhi dressed up like this

[00venator]

You go to a fish market. Unknowing to you one of the fishers is Scyakade in a human form, he seems like a chill guy and you end up buying some barramundi from him. You pay Scyakade in coins, as you usually pay at markets. Scyakade dose not know what coins are, and confidently says “Hard candy?” Then eats one.

Your now standing there is shock and horror, this guy just ate a fucking coin. At this moment, Scayakade realised their metal and informs you “Thank you, but where not blacksmiths and don’t need metal. Do you have anything else to trade?”

[question-marked]

[sga-owns-my-soul]

me making a new post: this is the best text post to ever exist i'm a fucking god of comedy

me when a text post starts getting notes: what is this?????? i created garabge, pure filth, and you like it?????? why are you enjoying this it is terrible

[sunnydayzes]

Once they came back from vacation, Don jumped into work at Willow Creek Hospital. His internship was going to be a struggle, but he was looking forward to actually working with patients. His first patient, the world-famous artist Darren Dreamer, didn't appear to be all that impressed with him, but Don did everything that he could to assure him that he was a professional. The last thing he needed was to have an athlete of his caliber trying to sue him on his first day.

[askthekoopsandjr]

Bowser to the Koopalings and Jr during the holidays

[honeyedlashton]

goodbye goodbye goodbye, you were bigger than the whole sky 💛💜🩵🧡🌈

[coffeeinthelibrary]

all the hottest girls have bad ideas

[random-blep]

I think I might make a new oc

I made him up for laughs but I really kinda want him

Chuckles the Semi Adequate Clown

Chuckles isn't one of the best clowns, actually he isn't even actually that good of a clown. Being a clown college flunkee he struggles to make a living as an actually wanted clown. Even his super cheap rates of two dollars and seventy three cents an hour aren't alluring enough to get him hired often. So he just lives the clown lifestyle while doing pretty much any small job to make ends meet. He walks around every day with a full clown makeup done and vibrant clothes on. It would be a bit humourous if it wasn't kind of sad.

[keebwee]

"why do i feel so sick" you have been drinking black mold