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neoyi · 2 months

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Neo Yi's Super Fun Webcomic Reading List Time!

I wanna do it. I wanna be the guy! I wanna recommend and impart my personal views on the webcomics I've read over the better part of the year. I feel like I've read more online comics since 2023 then I had in over a decade. It is an excellent time to get into comics.

Not every webcomic on the list worked for me, but I'm not going to comment negativity on any of them because all of them deserve to be read and appreciated. No, what I am going to do, regardless of how I feel about ANY of these comics, is to state some things I liked about it. Hopefully something will catch your eyes.

Links to each webcomic will be provided, though Tumblr hates annnnnything with actual links, so I'm just going to copy and paste them in an attempt to reach a broader audience and get these out into the greater wild. It ain't much, but I hope it helps the creators making 'em.

All images I used for each comic are usually the first cover/first page. If the creators prefer I not do that or have another image they'd like me to use instead, please let me know.

I'm also hoping I can regularly update this as I continuously read more and more as I had to split the current list I had into two parts. So consider this Part 1.

No rank because this ain't a ranking list; we going alphabetical order.

1. A Dance With Death (http://overmorrowtales.com/death/cover.php)

Summary: It's the end of the world and Death is waiting for someone to dance with. Who could it be?

Hi, I went into this comic because the main cover had the Grim Reaper in a suit. I know what I'm about, son.

I left this short (really, it's only 34 pages, so you can finish it in about thirty minutes) with a mix of existential crisis and an odd sense of peace. I love seeing anthropomorphic personification of human ideas and the world around us. Just seeing the creator indulge in what they interpret the likes of the Four Horsemen, or Pain, or Fear, or etc etc was a visual treat to see.

Who Death dances with might feel obvious once you put the pieces together, but its the explanation behind why he chose them, especially in the face of an ongoing apocalypse, that both felt utterly clever in its interpretation and worthy of the wait.

2. All Known Alternatives (https://akacomic.com/)

SUMMARY: Akane must find the 42 keys spread across parallel worlds in order to get back home. Eri and Ben is spending summer vacation before university, but get caught in the conflict when one of the keys end up in their world.

All Known Alternatives is described as both fantasy and slice-of-life and it definitely feels like it. I'm a huge fan of collect-a-thon stories, a quest forever molded and shaped by the approx. one gazillion platformers that I've been playing since 1989.

The comic is still new, so for the most part, I've mostly been seeing the slice-of-life aspect of Eri (and a reluctant Ben) settling Akane in. While no doubt finding ALL 42 keys would been an ordeal task for any comic artist (indie or otherwise) to write and draw about (indeed, Akane has half the amount prior to the comic's start), I am curious to keep going to see if the main cast will get the reminding 20+ left, and presumably, enter other worlds (well, other then the ones we've seen so far.)

In-between chapters are, what I think are flashbacks, centered on a squad of military folks. Presumably this will be a "How-Did-They-Get-Here" kinda tale, possibly centered on Akane's origin, but it's too early to tell.

It's three chapters in, each roughly about 40+ pages plus intermission chapters (roughly anywhere from 6 - 10 pages), so it's got a decent-sized backlog to get into. I'll be keeping an eye on this one.

3. Augustine (https://comics.windywallflower.com/augustine)

SUMMARY: August and friends are constantly surviving in the region known as the Crater as they collect bounties, often with a huge heap of trouble they tend to leave in their wake. When they stumble upon an ancient artifact, they''ll be force to contest with other bounty hunters and Gods!

As of this post, I've only wrapped up Chapter 1. I think Chapter 2 had just started, so I haven't ventured further, so there's not a whole lot I can say about Augustine yet. However, the first issue is a good introduction to both the characters (lovable misfits who all Try Their Best) and the absolute chaotic tone of the whole comic.

Augustine wants you to be pumped. It's incredibly energetic and fun, helped by the largely orange background. And I'm not talking orange orange, I am talking bright, vibrant sugar-infested Tang orange. It really lends well to the vitality of this comic and it's really gorgeous when the creator mixes it with the other color they use a lot: deep blue.

I'm also just a casual fan of Greek mythology, so I'm excited for the possibility of backstories and/or meeting with Godly pantheons. This bitch loves Godly pantheons.

4. BACK (http://www.backcomic.com/)

(Note: I used the front cover of the first BACK physical comic because the first page is kinda just background.)

SUMMARY: Abigail wakes up from a coffin and is immediately told she is the key to ending the world. With no memory of who she is, Abigail just accepts and goes about her mission. Trailing along is a druid named Daniel, someone with enough morals hoping that maybe, Abigail, shouldn't really do the whole Ending the World thing.

BACK was still updating when I first read it (up to the Dead Man Arc, I believe) and at the time, I remember being restless for reasons I now can't comprehend. I read through the whole thing again and asked myself, "Why did I feel like it dragged? This is one of the breeziest comics I've ever read!"

Ya know what I also like besides collect-a-thons? Its cousin, the "Fight Every Major Boss to Get To The Final Boss and Save the World: plot. BACK comic is actually pretty straightforward, but it's brandished with KC Green's (well, and perhaps Anthony Clark's: as of this post, I have not read Nedroid, but I've been recommended to it by a mutual) trademark sense of humor, so there's plenty of lingering weirdness and cartoonish, over-the-top characters. It's the kind of comic where the silliness never leaves, often used as much for laughs as it does for brevity whenever it gets serious. I kinda thing it'd work as a Cartoon Network program, honestly. It kind of dips a fine line between being all-age or something Adult Swim would play.

By the time I finished, I was left immensely satisfied. It's about 800 pages, but reading BACK felt effortless. Maybe I would have felt differently if I had been keeping up with it per update when it was still going, but diving into it as a whole? It works. Each chapter, character introduction, and action scenes never overstay their welcome.

I'm pretty invested in the idea of getting physical copies of these books soon, BACK is just that dang good.

5. Come Hell or High Water (https://www.chohwcomic.com/)

SUMMARY: Prince Gladimir did not want to fall in love with a pirate, but he's thrown into his world of sea-farers and ne'ers do-wellers if it means saving his kingdom.

Can I just say I love the title of this comic? Come Hell or High Water is probably one of the badassest of all catchphrases and the creator just chose to use it as their title and it rules.

Everything about this premise rocks my world: elegant princely figure falling for his dashing, roguish pirate guy, fictional kingdoms and the political intrigues and conflict that arises within, high-faring sea ventures, and etc etc. This comic, by all means, is my jam.

Soooooooo, I actually kind of fell out of this comic early into its run. Something about it wasn't clicking for me, personally, but with thirteen chapters under its belt and me, having only gotten up to, roughly, the third chapter, I want to give this one another go later down the line. There is no way I can't leave this comic left unread when EVERYTHING about it fits my particular mold so well. I'm not sure what didn't stick with me, but it certainly is not the sexual tension between the main characters which, god, Chapter One starts off with Gladinmir breaking up with his hot pirate boyfriend and if that isn't a good conflict for the two of them to work out their issues, then I don't know what is.

6. Dead City (https://topazcomics.com/deadcity/welcome/)

(NOTE: The cover is from the physical copy of Dead City. I screencapped this from their official store, hence why the link is watermarked on it. But hey, now you can go and buy it. It's good! Read it!)

SUMMARY: Two guys survive a zombie apocalypse, learn a little about each other, and maybe, just maybe, fall in love. ;O

If it wasn't for a couple of blogs I follow vouching for this comic, I might not have read Dead City. Me and zombie stuff are not syncopatico. Dead City is not about that. The zombie stuff is just background for what it's really about: a slice-of-life and cozy (yes, really!) story of two guys just trying to make through a dying world one day at a time. Throughout the comic, they learn to lean on each other, learn who they are, and get into internal conflicts fighting off their demons.

It's short (roughly 190+ pages), it's sweet, and it genuinely left me feeling like things will be alright in spite of a burning world.

7. Doris Doodle (https://www.dorisdoodle.com/)

SUMMARY: Doris Doodle is an old-timey cartoon struggling to find acting jobs in a media field where she's considered a thing of the past. However, when she is caught on camera for an act of goodwill that launches her into viral popularity, a new door opens up for her, but not without drawbacks.

I think Doris Doodle ended up being one of my new favorites. I'm fond of the Roger Rabbit-ish world of toons living in a human environment, breathed to life by animators, and going about their daily lives in-between gigs as actors. Indeed, you see a lot of crossovers from numerous famous cartoon stars (Betty Boop being a prominent one), which leaves me curious on how much workload the creator has to do with their current goal to make a non-copyright-infringement, physical version of this. It'll be interesting to see.

In any case, Doris Doodle left me emotionally yearning for a happy ending for the main character. We see how the media world chews and spit her out even decades later, and how, once a wide-eyed actress who wanted to be seen, can turn so cynical and bitter at what she was denied, through acts often not of her own faults.

The comic explores the usual horridness of Hollywood shallowness and sexist bullshit, but it also explains what its like to be an old toon out-of-touch of an ever increasing modern world. I love the latter a bit more since it's uniquely set for fictional pen-and-paper denizens; seeing how Toons exist, how restricted their livelihood is no matter what decade you were born, and the methods they go through to survive is fascinatingly good worldbuilding.

8. Earth In a Pocket (http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/)

SUMMARY: Anthropologist Halisi Mwangi wants to bring Earth's past to numerous human space colonies. Grabbing precious artifacts that has dotted human history, she blasts off to achieve her goals. Unfortunately, an accident causes her to be stranded on an unknown planet, with only its residences left to keep her company.

I think about the future of our planet a lot, and I'm often terrified of what will happen. I've found myself increasingly annoyed at End of the World stories heavily laden with cynical, edgy bents. I'm not saying these can't have commentary, but geez louise, one can only deal with another "Humans Suck and Can't Be Trusted In the Face of Despair" narrative without withering into a fetal position. Like, man, I get it, but also, come on.

Futurama has always been kind of a comfort show for me. There's something reassuring to see a fictional depiction of Earth a thousand years later, still thriving. Their problems aren't any more or less better or worse than ours, but they're living and doing things and it's just kinda nice.

Earth in a Pocket does something similar: it's a futuristic world where science benefited mankind. There are space colonies now and safe travels in-between, with no sign of the Earth itself in any danger. The main characters is utterly positive and obsessively in love with what humanity has accomplished. She praises the capabilities of what we have done and can do; it's this thinking that not only motivates her to survive, but educate the little adorable jellyfish aliens, all of whom are curious to learn about this strange, bipedal creature.

This is another short comic, so it'll take maybe an hour to finish. I urge you, if you ever feel sad about the current state of the world, give Earth in a Pocket a try. It's compassionate to mankind's achievements, endlessly encourages learning through curiosity and mutual respect for each other's cultures, and reminds us the good we can do. It's just feels good.

9. Fairmeadow (https://www.fairmeadowcomic.com/)

SUMMARY: Goma, a warrior orc, lost and broken, ends up in Fairmeadow, a small community of pacifists lead by Sanctuary. There, Goma is accepted as long as she abides by their peacekeeping rules, which she increasingly challenges every step of the way.

I was initially hesitant to approach this comic because of its tabletop RPG influence, something I am vastly unfamiliar with. I wondered if there would have been terminology I wouldn't get, but I strode on because the premise sounded interesting.

And it was totally worth it. I didn't need to know a goddamn thing about Dungeons n' Dragons or whatnot to enjoy the heck out of this comic. It is exactly what the summary say it is: hardened warrior who has Seen War clashes with a bunch of idealists who refuses to engage. It is damn good showing the flaws behind what an isolationist, hippie-like community is when they refuse to engage in politic strife that, though they refuse to admit, does reflect the world they live in. Goma doesn't instantly endear, both in-universe and out, but the further you read, the more you understand and even side with her frustrations on these crop-hoarding loners who seem content in their impossibly fantasy world. And I love that both sides represent their positions as justified. It's a constant battle and I am eager to find out how these characters will engage with each other, and especially, how it'll end. Fairmeadow feels like the kind of comic where we won't get an easy answer by the time it wraps up.

10. The Glass Scientists (https://www.theglassscientists.com/)

SUMMARY: In a city increasingly hostile to mad scientists everywhere, a one Dr. Jekyll took it upon himself to create an academy to encourage and prep those scientists to fit into good society. Course, things get complicated when Jekyll's other side, the impish Mr. Hyde, constantly takes over to rein a little chaos.

Okay, so, I do enjoy The Glass Scientists. The comic seem to be reaching its end point, so shit is hitting the fan, and I am glued. But I think I'm drawn more to the aesthetic of the comic than anything. Like Victorian-era mad scientists aren't my particular bread and butter, but everything about the Victorian-era fashion is, so Dr. Jekyll in a top hat as the first thing I saw was going to draw me in no matter what.

The second thing that dragged me in was the HOLY SHIT THE ARTWORK IS FREAKIN' AMAZING WHAT THE FUCK THESE LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE COMICS WHERE THEY SCREENCAP CARTOONS. I found out the creator works for animation professionally, so that explains a lot. This is a maddeningly great looking comic, with some incredibly good lighting haunting the streets of London.

Things really get interesting a few chapters in when Dr. Frankenstein appears and I feel that's when the comic really takes off. Like, if 19th century English literature and mad scientist gremlins are your thing, definitely give this a read. If anything, maybe you, too, will weep in tears at how gorgeous the comic looks.

11. Goth Western (https://www.gothwestern.com/)

SUMMARY: With an act of necromancy, Jack brings her lover, Evelyn, back to life, at the cost of working for the God she gave her soul to. Now she must hunt down a man in order for the two of them to have their happy ending.

Damn. "Goth Western." That's a title that goes hard. Another short comic that can be read in one fell swoop, Goth Western is pretty much what it is: a dark fantasy ol' west story between two women who would go to the ends of the Earth for each other. It's got all the hallmarks of the western genre: gun fights, bounty hunters, deserts and saloons, etc. I'm not particularly ride or die for Westerns, but it's there for those who are.

What I did love is the sheer optimism behind the grit. I like that Jack and Evie are genuinely decent people who just so happens to have no conniption committing some immoral acts or a crime or two if it means ensuring their own future. And they go through some shit. And you root for them regardless because they love each other and deserve to be together, and in spite of its harsh background, they will find it.

Honestly, with the length of the book, Goth Western feels like it could be an amazing and fun film.

12. Hans Vogel Is Dead (https://www.hansvogelisdead.com/)

SUMMARY: Ace pilot Hans Vogel dies in the Battle of Britain, wherein he ends up in a stagnating fairy tale world. Along with a girl cursed in a fox's body, Hans traverse the land as he strives to be a better person and unlearn the rampant fascism that has encapsulated his entire life.

I can only reason reading the summary above is enough for people to put two-and-two together that this takes place in 1940s World War II. And it's even more obvious what Party Hans is involved in, so if that kind of background is not to your liking, I don't recommend it.

If it's any worth, the majority of the story takes place in said fictional fairy tale world, using it as a thematic drive to explore Hans' background to have him realize, pretty early, in fact, that his entire fascist view is wrong. It's clearly a lovingly-crafted story, the creator constantly peppers each page notes with trivia and facts about the time period (her bio states she's a historian.)

I've gone in and out with the comic (one of those "I'll check back when it updates a few page" sorta thing), but I appreciate the chutzpah of the creator to make its lead character a literal Nazi and going out of her way to explore what it is like to have lived in that specific time period with a society and culture that devalued so many people. How will Hans get out of this kind of thinking and be a better person? Are his actions forgivable? I kind of feel questions like these are somewhat balanced by Hans himself, who, rather than portrayed as some arrogant jackass, is instead rather timid and unsure of himself.

Hans Vogel Is Dead feels very much like a "We will be doomed to repeat history unless we learn it" kind of comic, which, shit, given the politic course my country is going through, having a comic like this educating on why being a dangerous bigot is an awful thing, feels appropriately well-timed.

13. Harpy Gee (https://www.harpygee.com/)

SUMMARY: A young, magic-less elf enters the town of Podunk. There she has fantastical adventures with her new friends.

I know the summary's lacking, but 1.) I imagine most people already know about Harpy Gee or its artist. I've followed her stuff before she launched this comic because of wowie-zowie I would kill to use copic markers the way she does let me learn your ways coloring skills and 2.) That's kinda what Harpy Gee is.

For sure there are scenes, foreshadowing, and characters that launch off future plot points, but otherwise, Harpy Gee is like watching a family-friend cartoon. It's got the bright colors, often has cheesy little dialogues, magic and monsters, and every other little dangerous, but manageable adventures the main characters get into. It's a nice comic to read when you want to unwind, and I really dig how earnest it is with its kid-friendly appeal. There's not a drop of cynicism or edge to it; the optimism and sense of fun is what gives Harpy Gee so much of its charm.

The creator has since graduated to digital coloring (though she still inks her comics the ol' fashion way), but I really recommend checking out the early pages to see how she works her magic with markers. Like, I'm biased, my stuff is traditional artwork, so I'm endlessly fascinated when I DO see another webcomic in the wild doing the same, but her stuff is eye candy. Like *chef's kiss.*

14. Hoppscotch (https://z-t00n.tumblr.com/tagged/hoppscotch)

SUMMARY: Bunch of animal people get into wacky shenanigans and boy, that is an understatement.

So, as far as I'm concerned, this comic is only hosted on the creator's tumblr page. It also doesn't have a cover and I wasn't very comfortable even posting a full page because of where its hosted, so I just took a small screencap of a couple of panels from a newer page to give an indicator of the kind of humor you are in for when reading Hoppscotch. (Though let me know if you'd rather this pic be removed.)

In any case, this comic wondered into my radar when a person I follow reblogged the one Hoppscotch comic with the exploding school bus. I remember scrolling down thinking it couldn't possibly get any more bizarre, but it kept elevating itself until I was left in awe at how GOOD with spontaneity it is. This is a comic that sets you up to think it'll go the expected route, but will often always, always go in a completely unpredictable, unhinged ending, and it gets me every. single. time. I haven't laughed so hard in a comic in a while. I was floored by its mastery of deranged comedy and I am genuinely looking forward to more.

A lot of this is really helped by the appealing artwork. Furries aren't in my radar, but I love the character designs. They're colorful, adorable, and really streamlined. Like this kinda has a mid-to-late 2000s Nicktoons/CN sorta vibe.

15. Kidd Commander (https://kiddcommander.com/)

SUMMARY: Phineas Kidd vows to gather a crew so she can fly off to Kairos Crossing to accomplish her goal: to catch the Sun.

Kidd Commander immediately drew me in the moment I read "to catch the sun" in the comic's "About" page. Maybe it's my love for cosmic eldritch horrors. Maybe it's that one Specter Knight fancomic I'll never get to making where I have him literally cut the sun (long story), but whatever it is, I bookmarked the webcomic to read it when I had time because I had to know what the hell I was getting into.

And then I read it (as of this writing, I wrapped up the Mile High Engage arc and stopped shortly after I started the A Wretched Analog arc) and I sat there with my hand over my head, wondering, "What the heck did I just read?"

I mean that in the best way.

Kidd Commander is a dense webcomic. It pounds you deep into its constructed world, with terms that I admit, I'm still trying to make sense of. Mind you, the comic explains what I need to know. What is it about Kidd Commander is that it goes with the assumption that you, the reader, is not a moron. It won't hold your hand; it expects you to keep up with the characters' nuances, the nature of its world and how it exists, and every other little intricate of foreshadowing waiting to be unraveled. The creator has a degree in English literature and it shows, in that while this can be a wordy comic, it's less about how much is squeezed in a word balloon (of which Kidd Commander does fine), but the way it is written. If it isn't casual dialogue, then it gets evocative, especially when it gets serious and/or bigger plot stuff unravel.

After I finished the first arc (which was a sizable 440 pages), I had to take a breather. It can be overwhelming, but it's also a comic that is clearly driven both by passion and anger. It feels like the comic equ. of wanting to punch all the bastards that has ever wronged you. It wants to internally liberate itself as much as it hopes for you. Its constructed world genuinely feels like the creator's own, all the while drawing in the best of shonen comics (bonus points for the aesthetic airship. This bitch loves airships.)

I plan to read further into the comic, but I wanted to make sense of the world it has laid out first. And I found out that sometimes the best way for me to read a piece of fiction and really get to the meat is not through digital format, but physically in my hands.

So I ended up buying the book to do exactly that:

I implore people to give Kidd Commander a shot. If you want something that feels so raw, built to give you a sense of catharsis to people of things with greater power that has wronged you, then this comic might as well be its spokesperson.

#webcomic #comic #a dance with death #back comic #all known alternatives #come hell or high water #harpy gee #augustine #dead city #fairmeadow #hans vogel is dead #kidd commander #goth western #hoppscotch #doris doodle #the glass scientists #earth in a pocket

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brujamala-aka-gigi · 4 months

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pile 1. pile 2. pile 3.

☽.˳·˖✶guidance to the heart✶˖·˳.☾

(NOT A LOVE READING... UNLESS IT FEELS LIKE ITS ABOUT LOVE IN YOUR CASE)

...just a pick a card reading i did thinking about how sometimes we are so lost trying to find reason and logic in matters that are far more determined by our emotions. it's not that i think that "following the heart" is always the solution, yet i do think that understanding it and embracing it when possible makes our lives far more enjoyable.

Take what resonates, leave what doesn't pleeeeaseee... This is a general reading made for entertainment and uplifting vibes. english is my second language btw.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ PILE NUMBER ONE ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Okay so what we got, it’s a strong determination to feel protected by a sense of order and control. You are maintaining a high level of logical reasoning in order to guard others and maybe yourself from stronger and purer emotions, which you might not feel comfortable or safe enough to share in their most raw and passionate state. I get the idea that you are great at analyzing and moving accordingly when it comes to what to do and what to avoid.

You are resilient and have learnt how to take care of your mental wellbeing and balance, you are comfortable in your strength and you have set great foundations to remain strong, yet this is also bringing you closer to feeling paralyzed by doubts about taking action in fulfilling deeper needs.

At this point, the mental agility that allows you to notice the bullshit quickly, needs to be trusted while also used to fight for your comfort to take up the space you deserve in the world. In this very moment, you are quite capable of achieving anything you feel as necessary for your growth, even if you unconsciously fear the emotions that will come with it. You will find contempt as long as you don’t doubt your ability to recover after fighting for what brings you closer to embracing passion.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ PILE NUMBER TWO ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Lucky you! These cards are telling me that you have just finished going through a major transformative event in your life, you are now going to begin an emotional journey which will turn out in a blossoming of your creative potential. But, they also tell me that even if theres a level of maturity in the way you carry yourself, and you’re always aiming to be better to create success for you and for those you love, you are just starting to realize how much of your inner world, your emotions and your energy, plays a role in achieving anything you desire.

The main advice here is that, when something out of your control makes you feel too clueless, too innocent or inexperienced, you should always face those situations knowing that rewards will come from your assertiveness, creative problem solving skills and your vibrant spirit. Do not allow others underestimate you specially at this moment when you are beginning to embrace more sensitive and empathic approaches to the way you move in the world.

Take time to get in tune with your intuition, practice gratitude and protect your energy from people who want to be around you just for their personal benefit. You will become more influential in social spaces, so keep an eye on those who will eventually act up on jealous impulses.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ PILE NUMBER THREE ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Well, it seems to me that you are struggling to balance logic and emotion, as both of these are highly developed and fighting to take the leading role in your decision making processes. There’s plenty of logic in your emotions, and plenty of emotion in your logic, but a deeper communication and understanding on how to make these two work together is necessary. Experience has made you knowledgeable but it also made you more sensitive to many things in the outer and inner world. I get the feeling that you might be a little bit desperate for answers that fulfill emotional and intellectual needs. In these cases of existential distress, it is always helpful to look for answers in places outside oneself.

Use your wit and your empathy to understand others and then you will understand yourself better. Times of intense learning, in a traditional or casual setting, are coming to bring you a sense of wholeness and balance.

Consider that maybe you shouldn't hurry any type of important decisions, especially when it comes to opposite outcomes. Take your time to learn how to integrate all aspects of your mind and spirit before committing to one path. Look for support and strength in the company of those you admire and trust, don’t be afraid to ask for guidance.

｡ﾟ ꒰ঌ ✦MASTERPOST & PAID SERVICES ໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ

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legallybrunettedotcom · 8 months

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BUFFY READING LIST

As promised @possession1981 and I have compiled a list of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel) related academic text and books. I think this is a good starting point for both a long time fan and for someone just getting into the show, or just someone interested in vampire lore. I have included several books about the vampire lore and myth in general as well. Most of these are available online.

BOOKS

Fighting the Forces: What's at Stake in Buffy the Vampire Slayer; edited by Rhonda V. Wilcox & David Lavery

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Philosophy - Fear and Trembling in Sunnydale by James B. South

Buffy Goes Dark: Essays on the Final Two Seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Television, edited by Lynne Y. Edwards, Elizabeth L. Rambo & James B. South

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Myth, Metaphor and Morality by Mark Field

Televised Morality: The Case of Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Gregory Stevenson

Undead TV: Essays on Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Elana Levine

The Aesthetics of Culture in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Matthew Pateman

Girls Who Bite Back: Witches, Mutants, Slayers and Freaks by Emily Pohl-Weary

Why Buffy Matters: The Art of Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Ronda Wilcox

Into Every Generation a Slayer Is Born: How Buffy Staked Our Hearts by Evan Ross Katz

The Lure of the Vampire: Gender, Fiction, and Fandom from Bram Stoker to Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Milly Williamson

Blood Relations: Chosen Families in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel by Jes Battis

Sex and the Slayer: A Gender Studies Primer for the Buffy Fan by Lorna Jowett

Diseases of the Head: Essays on the Horrors of Speculative Philosophy; edited by Matt Rosen (chapter 2 Death of Horror)

Public Privates: Feminist Geographies of Mediated Spaces by Marcia R. England (chapter 1 Welcome to the Hellmouth: Paradoxical Spaces in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Open Graves, Open Minds: Representations of Vampires and the Undead From the Enlightenment to the Present Day; edited by Sam George and Bill Hughes (chapter 8 ‘I feel strong. I feel different’: transformations, vampires and language in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

The Contemporary Television Series; edited by Michael Hammond and Lucy Mazdon (chapter 9 Television, Horror and Everyday Life in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Joss Whedon and Race: Critical Essays; edited by Mary Ellen Iatropoulos and Lowery A. Woodall III

Buffy and the Heroine's Journey: Vampire Slayer as Feminine Chosen One by Valerie Estelle Frankel

The Existential Joss Whedon: Evil and Human Freedom in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly and Serenity by J. Michael Richardson and J. Douglas Rabb

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 20 Years of Slaying: The Watcher's Guide Authorized by Christopher Golden

Reading the Vampire Slayer: The Complete, Unofficial Guide to 'Buffy' and 'Angel' by Roz Kaveney

Hollywood Vampire: The Unnoficial Guide to Angel by Keith Topping

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Monster Book by Christopher Golden

Slayer Slang: A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Lexicon by Michael Adams

What Would Buffy Do? The Vampire Slayer as Spiritual Guide by Jana Riess

ARTICLES, PAPERS ETC.

Bibliographic Good vs. Evil in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by GraceAnne A. DeCandido

Undead Letters: Searches and Researches in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by William Wandless

Weaponised information: The role of information and metaphor in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Jacob Ericson

Buffy, Dark Romance and Female Horror Fans by Lorna Jowett

My Vampire Boyfriend: Postfeminism, "Perfect" Masculinity, and the Contemporary Appeal of Paranormal Romance by Ananya Mukherjea

Buffy, The Vampire Slayer as Spectacular Allegory: A Diagnostic Critique by Douglas Kellner

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer": Technology, Mysticism, and the Constructed Body by Sara Raffel

When Horror Becomes Human: Living Conditions in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" by Jeroen Gerrits

Post-Vampire: The Politics of Drinking Humans and Animals in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Twilight", and "True Blood" by Laura Wright

Cops, Teachers, and Vampire Slayers: Buffy as Street-Level Bureaucrat by Andrea E. Mayo

"Not Like Other Men"?: The Vampire Body in Joss Whedon's "Angel" by Lorna Jowett

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the Domestic Church: Revisioning Family and the Common Good by Reid B. Locklin

“Buffy vs. Dracula”’s Use of Count Famous (Not drawing “crazy conclusions about the unholy prince”) by Tara Elliott

A Little Less Ritual and a Little More Fun: The Modern Vampire in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Stacey Abbott

Undressing the Vampire: An Investigation of the Fashion of Sunnydale’s Vampires by Robbie Dale

"And Yet": The Limits of Buffy Feminism by Renee St. Louis & Miriam Riggs

Meet the Cullens: Family, Romance and Female Agency in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twilight by Kirsten Stevens

Bliss and Time: Death, Drugs, and Posthumanism in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Rob Cover

That Girl: Bella, Buffy, and the Feminist Ethics of Choice in Twilight and Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Catherine Coker

A Slayer Comes to Town: An Essay on Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Scott Westerfeld

Undead Objects of a “Queer Gaze” : A Visual Approach to Buffy’s Vampires Using Lacan’s Extended RSI Model by Marcus Recht

When You Kiss Me, I Want to Die: Gothic Relationships and Identity on Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Ananya Mukherjeea

Necrophilia and SM: The Deviant Side of Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Terry L. Spaise

Queering the Bitch: Spike, Transgression and Erotic Empowerment by Dee Amy-Chinn

“I Want To Be A Macho Man”: Examining Rape Culture, Adolescent Female Sexuality, and the Destabilization of Gender Binaries in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Angelica De Vido

Staking Her Claim: Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Transgressive Woman Warrior by Frances H. Early

Actualizing Abjection: Drusilla, the Whedonversees’ Queen of Queerness by Anthony Stepniak

“Life Isn’t A Story”: Xander, Andrew and Queer Disavowal in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Steven Greenwood

S/He’s a Rebel: The James Dean Trope in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Kathryn Hill

“Once More, with Feeling”: Emotional Self-Discipline in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Gwynnee Kennedy and Jennifer Dworshack-Kinter

“The Hardest Thing in This World Is To Live In It”: Identity and Mental Health in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Alex Fixler

"Love's Bitch But Man Enough to Admit It": Spikes Hybridized Gender by Arwen Spicer

Negotiations After Hegemony: Buffy and Gender by Franklin D. Worrell

Double Trouble: Gothic Shadows and Self-Discovery in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Elizabeth Gilliland

'What If I'm Still There? What If I Never Left That Clinic?': Faërian Drama in Buffy's "Normal Again" by Janet Brennan Croft

Not Gay Enough So You’d Notice: Poaching Fuffy by Jennifer DeRoss

Throwing Like A Slayer: A Phenomenology of Gender Hybridity and Female Resilience in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Debra Jackson

“You Can’t Charge Innocent People for Saving Their Lives!” Work in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Matt Davies

Ambiguity and Sexuality in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: A Sartrean Analysis by Vivien Burr

Imagining the Family: Representations of Alternative Lifestyles in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Vivien Burr and Christine Jarvis

Working-Class Hero? Fighting Neoliberal Precarity in Buffy’s Sixth Season by Michelle Maloney-Mangold

A Corpse by Any Other Name: Romancing the Language of the Body in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for the Adam Storyline in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Amber P. Hodge

Sensibility Gone Mad: Or, Drusilla, Buffy and the (D)evolution of the Heroine of Sensibility by Claire Knowles

"It's good to be me": Buffy's Resistance to Renaming by Janet Brennan Croft

Death as a Gift in J.R.R. Tolkien’s Work and Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Gaelle Abalea

“All Torment, Trouble, Wonder, and Amazement Inhabits Here": The Vicissitudes of Technology in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by James B. South

Staking Her Colonial Claim: Colonial Discourses, Assimilation, Soul-making, and Ass-kicking in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Jessica Hautsch

“I Run To Death”: Renaissance Sensibilities in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Christine Jarvis

Dressed To Kill: Fashion and Leadership in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Christine Jarvis and Don Adams

Queer Eye Of That Vampire Guy: Spike and the Aesthetics of Camp by Cynthea Masson and Marni Stanley

“Sounds Like Kinky Business To Me”: Subtextual and Textual Representations of Erotic Power in Buffyverse by Lewis Call

“Did Anyone Ever Explain to You What ‘Secret Identity’ Means?”: Race and Displacement in Buffy and Dark Angel by Cynthia Fuchs

“It’s About Power”: Buffy, Foucault, and the Quest for Self by Julie Sloan Brannon

Why We Love the Monsters: How Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Wound Up Dating the Enemy by Hilary M. Leon

Why We Can’t Spike Spike?: Moral Themes in Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Richard Greene and Wayne Yuen

Buffy, the Scooby Gang, and Monstrous Authority: BtVS and the Subversion of Authority by Daniel A. Clark & P. Andrew Miller

Are Vampires Evil?: Categorizations of Vampires, and Angelus and Spike as the Immoral and the Amoral by Gert Magnusson

BOOKS ABOUT VAMPIRE LORE AND MYTH IN GENERAL

The Vampire Lectures by Laurence A. Rickels

Our Vampires, Ourselves by Nina Auerbach

Vampires, Burial, and Death: Folklore and Reality by Paul Barber

The Secret History of Vampires: Their Multiple Forms and Hidden Purposes by Claude Lecouteux

The Vampire Cinema by David Pirie

The Living and the Undead: Slaying Vampires, Exterminating Zombies by Gregory A. Waller

Vampire Forensics: Uncovering the Origins of an Enduring Legend by Mark Jenkins

Slayers and Their Vampires: A Cultural History of Killing the Dead by Bruce A. McClelland

The History and Folklore of Vampires: The Stories and Legends Behind the Mythical Beings by Charles River Editors

Encyclopedia of Vampire Mythology by Theresa Bane

Vampires of Lore: Traits and Modern Misconceptions by A. P. Sylvia

The Vampire: A New History by Nick Groom

Vampyres: Genesis and Resurrection: from Count Dracula to Vampirella by Christopher Frayling

Race in the Vampire Narrative by U. Melissa Anyiwo

Vampires, Race, and Transnational Hollywoods by Dale Hudson

#btvs #buffy #buffy the vampire slayer #💾#buffy summers #ats #angel the series

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sugar-grigri · 1 year

Text

Crazy theory, but since I don't really read them, I don't know if it's ever been mentioned before.

I've already talked about this urge to discover the demon of death. So much so that fans see them in every new character introduced.

We know that Pochita punctuates both the birth and death of demons with his chainsaws.

I've always been surprised by the way Pochita calmly took hold of Makima, allowing Denji to knowingly save her by recommending that he give her love

Just as I'm surprised by Fami's interest in separating Chainsaw Man just as Yoru is stubbornly intent on revenge

How can these three horsemen of the apocalypse have so much interest and connection with a single demon?

We already know that Fujimoto has opted for the metaphorical, choosing the instrument designed for childbirth: the chainsaw, as the keystone of his story.

Chainsaw Man is intrinsically linked to birth and death

Denji's rebirth alone is linked to death having been cut up as well as Pochita?

Demons are born out of fear of one thing, so I know it might be strange that Pochita, representing chainsaws, represents death and isn't the chainsaw demon.

But two things: firstly, the impostor is actually the real chainsaw demon.

Fujimoto likes to undo our first impressions, so I find it absolutely INCREDIBLE that Denji should be the impostor from the start, the false Chainsaw Man in a part 2 that focuses on identity.

Secondly, how can simple chainsaws have so much power? I mean, sure, they're scary, but how can they have so much power as to be able to wipe out demons? Why should it be the chainsaw demon who's capable of this, and death remains crouched in the shadows?

This would also explain his promiscuity with the other Knights of the Apocalypse.

The demon of control wanted to play with Pochita - death was the only thing she couldn't totally control, the only thing she aspired to be on an equal footing with.

If Pochita understood her so well, it was as the fourth knight of the apocalypse. If Makima considered him her equal, it was because she couldn't control a demon she knew to be of her own rank. The logic follows with Nayuta.

The demon of war doesn't accept death, it accepts to spread it through conflicts and weapons of mass murder, but a general doesn't accept that death can touch him too. To spread death represents victory, to be touched by it a defeat that demands vengeance.

Famine works hand in hand with death, and is feared because suffering and death are the end result of not being able to eat. She's the one with the clearest goal at the moment: to save humanity. She doesn't hesitate to recruit her fellow Apocalypse members, whether it's proposing it to Nayuta, trying to recruit Asa and Yoru, or splitting Chainsaw Man in two to work with the pure state of the death demon.

The public hunters' aim is also to protect mankind from Nostradamus' prophecy, but by paralyzing death's actions as much as possible. They exploit Denji's flaws and desire to be normal to the full, threatening those around him. While the church, represented by Fami, titillates Denji's heroic side, his abnormalities, they want death to act.

It would also explain why everyone close to Denji is disappearing.

All the signs are pointing to Asa's imminent atrocity.

Wouldn't it be incredible to think that it's because death is in Denji's belly ?

Everything would then make sense: it's normal for Denji's development to stagnate, and for him to go through so many existential crises.

He doesn't know his own identity

What's more, it doesn't contradict my most meta theories: Fujimoto places himself in the work through Denji (cf. chapter 133), just as he responds directly to his fans (chapters 136 and 137).

We're all hating him, seeing all our favorite characters meet unfortunate deaths

It would all make sense if the manga we were holding in our hands, "Chainsaw Man", actually referred directly to death right from the start.

It would all make sense if we saw Part 1 as Denji's introduction to the ranks of hunters governed by an early death.

It would make sense for Aki's love for him to be a metaphor for accepting death, in the continuity of mourning.

It would make sense for Power to be reassured by Death when traumatized by the demon of darkness: she died twice for love, and the total disappearance of body and spirit allows us to escape the darkness.

I don't know if this theory holds, but let's agree...

It's poetic

#csm #asa chainsaw man #chainsaw man #csm part 2 #denji #asa #nayuta #fami #makima #yoru #barem #death devil #pochita #theory

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gazeofseer · 10 days

Text

Direction of light to the browns of your life (;

Browns, what grounds you and what burns

You, deeply underneath too.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Pick a Image

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Image.1

Fatalist is term used for the one who confuses the go with the flow to become prone to act or intent and choosing not to play which will keep them under the fate, is a state of your fear, dear.

Instances of yours : You so badly wanted to take a decision about something quite recently but you step back and waited for the fate to decide for you, but you got more confused now that a week has passed because your fear covers non existential ideologies to appease your mind's guess.

You are a damsel but not in distress but in the capture of your mind's vivid imaginary and illusions that seems like a vision but is not, remember this is the world of manifestation whatever comes here is a by product of your state of being not of your state of reactions and idealism, it is birth out of your actual reality.

So there is a lot of confusions now, to clear which you need to seek your intentions do you really intent towards what your presume to be your purpose? Question that bloody dream does it dares to manifest when you will fail or will it vanish like a delusion you just had to gauge your mind off the bait?

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Image.2

Overthinking is not a disease it is a power of your discipline that flow of thoughts you find a way out of your head quite smart right? Quite logical and prideful to feel right as always, but where do you hide those wrongs, those mistakes, that makes you feel like sinner to do so? You don't strive for perfection, you actually like one, great pretentious can be a great tool unless it becomes wavering, unsettling and making high while feeling the lowest in this moment right?

So much of right, I hear a feminine voice with chuckles shows how confident you are about everything you have, and the way you identify yourself with things, but when you endear it as an experience it's annoying, you start nitpicking, for your thoughts it found a flow in your mouth that you keep bickering, playing to some extent, what leaves bitter in this after all? Is the distance you feel within your authenticity and a convincing truth you lied around about.

You are not sad, not in pain, not in guilt or even regret you are disappointed in yourself, for the way you feel, for the way your head takes over all your heart like a devouring death you smile upon.

You need to really, really stop giving value attention, to your thoughts it's mere exertion of your senses let that go liar are those who say you become what you think, you become what you believe in, you become what you feel like is the mere intuition's guide.

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Image.3

Shed many scales left my scars, even broken the light from the star I held so tightly underneath the sight of wars I had, battles I am fed with, all I could ever be is tired even with the best of the person, I had to feel sorrow and pitful, like an aftermath I stayed in people but with a different story to state of torns, I don't know anything, but I always told about everything, I lend hands and ears, and get rewarded with swords and screams.

Warrior, My champion how does it feel to be your very own thing? Great right then what is the guilt lying in there? There is a cobweb of perception you have crawled your mind through break that, your giving too much importance to the words of others getting absorbed in take your time alone and chose silence sometimes words must fail you so you can see what people mean was truly never about you but the way they feel, they want, they need about you. Do not get into the play of says and opinions they are void. Anyways you have strong instincts and intuition you either way don't need that.

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#wisdom #divination #divine guidance #pyschic reading #gratitude #pick a pile #pick a card #tarot reading

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aphidclan-clangen · 2 months

Note

Wait- if starclan is like god in this universe. And sometimes clan cats say “ star damned” instead of “god damned” dose that mean pearls stars pronouns are: god and godself!?

I mean, if a Saint Tine made their pronouns glow/glowself it would definitely be a bit awkward lmao

(shine/gleam/light/glimmer/radiance/etc. pronouns would be fine however)

In that case it would be closer to giving yourself god/godself pronouns (which I’m certain is a real thing!), but in my mind Starclan, as an Aphidclan-specific religion, isn’t really…a religion so much as it is a generalized belief that 1. nature and the sky are interwoven with mystical, spiritual forces, and 2. belief in souls/an afterlife. (infodumping mode activated /lh /affectionate) As a wild cat colony, they’re just naturally very strongly and culturally connected to the spiritual side of the wilderness and the cosmos, more so than a kittypet or city cat ever would be. They don’t believe in any god or any central force controlling or designing the world, I don’t think they even have a “creation myth” or an idea that there could ever be a sole “god”/deity-like figure. They believe in souls and an afterlife because their ventures into the spirit realm showed them the souls of their ancestors, friends, and even complete strangers. They know the dead can go whenever they please after life, because some cats have reported seeing these spirits in the woods with them, or standing out amidst the plains. But they’ve also seen the spirit realm largely resemble the sky, so they probably assume the souls of the dead live up there, and may fly down to earth whenever they please.

(plus the sky is also just generally a very..incomprehensible, mystical, “larger-than-life” powerful force to look at, especially when you’ve got 0 light pollution and look up to see a whole wide galaxy of beautiful unknown above you each night)

Perhaps the souls of their loved ones can even grant gifts and boons, or even curses, since the spirit of the wilderness and the sky is woven everywhere, and can surely influence the movement of a log, the calling of rain, the way of the winds, and maybe even the sickness of the land. Nonetheless, the wilderness takes lives as it gives food and water and a home, they believe this to be an entirely natural cycle. The wilderness gives, the wilderness takes, the wilderness eats and devours whole, and when you die, you’ll fly up into the sky, where you might even get to speak with your loved ones again someday, either through random sightings in the woods, in dreams, or intentional astral projection in more…energistically charged locations.

Even the Saint Tines don’t believe in The Glow as a person, but nonetheless a more congealed, solid entity than what the clan cats believe. It is a force of nature as well, but a specific one. The force of decay, of sickness, of life, of glory and triumph in living, that is hungry and gluttonous and never satiated. In AphidClan, you’ll never have to prove your worth or character to the way the winds blow, but to a Saint Tine, if you are impure enough, the Glow shall eat you whole, and you shall rot for all of eternity (and this is a bad thing). It is a strict and demanding force that will punish the unworthy and the impure. It is all very morally attached, very heavily wrapped around the idea of sin and repentance and innate existential value. The Reverend has a very large influence over the doctrine and the opinions of The Glow, as its speaking voice and the head of the church. (In reality, “the glow” is just the nuclear radiation they saw in the power plant the colony used to live in, before the power plant horribly collapsed for reasons unknown.)

In that way, the Saint Tine Church is a closer analogy for a Christianity-like religion, while Aphidclan’s beliefs are closer to that of general pagan spiritualist beliefs. The Saint Tines are a god-fearing people, while Aphidclan just believes in the innate spiritual power of the earth and the universe, who would be confused by the idea of a central god or entity controlling the name of the game.

As for Pearlstar, I think like…they’d be totally chill with pronouns, names, or titles that call back to the spiritual nature of the wild in some way or another, and in fact, it’s already a common thing interwoven into the culture. I mean, they call their designated spiritual leaders of the colony “star,” to honor their leader’s connection to the spirit realm and their initiative to walk between both worlds. If anyone is expected to revere the spiritual and integrate it into their daily life and identity, it would be the spiritual leaders of the colony. Cats are given prefixes and suffixes to reflect aspects of nature that they see themself reflected in. If names are viable territory for integrating the wild, the natural, the spiritual, then why not pronouns? A cat with breeze/breezeself pronouns is respected as a reflection of the wind, a cat with star/starself pronouns is respected as a person with a strong connection to the cosmic aether and the universe beyond. I imagine their kintypes work under similar beliefs as well, as the creatures or entities or energistical forces they see themselves very strongly in. A cat could tell their clanmates that they believe they were once a bird, and feel such a strong connection to flight, to soaring through the air, the clouds, the breeze on their wings, and that before their life as a cat, their soul once resided in an avian animal, and that’d be a common precedent that would totally work with the general cultural belief system.

So to summarize, glow/glowself pronouns would definitely result in getting odd looks and judgemental comments from Saint Tines (not Aphidclan cats though), but star/starself pronouns are totally normal, common, respected, and even a little expected in Aphidclan, and are…pretty much on the same level as giving yourself leaf/sky/cloud/tree/growth/breeze/etc. pronouns. S’just another factor of one’s identity that the wild may influence and make its home in, as it often does

#‘haha yeah funny joke!! [[YOU HAVE UNLOCKED LORE/WOELRDBUILDING INFODUMP NM. 5]]’#*worldbuilding #aphidlore #aphidasks #clangen #wc clangen #wc #warriors #warrior cats #though I’m sure Pearl had his star/starself pronouns before he was promoted #Star/starself pearlwish shocked to find out that he’s gonna be called Pearlstar now

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kiyaar · 13 days

Text

Possessed by Light: An AI Tony Exchange CREATOR REVEALS!

POSSESSED BY LIGHT: An AI (Steve)Tony Exchange has come to a close! Thank you to our creators, our cheerleaders, and our esteemed pinch hitter. Here is a masterlist of 13 delicious works (4 art, 9 fic) featuring our sad blue boy. This exchange was designed to generate more comics SteveTony works, so most works feature 616, but we do have 2 Noir works and 1 Ults work! We hope you enjoy this feast and please remember to show your chefs some love in the comments! Works under the cut:

art: Ballet Aérien by @oluka for @tinystark616

Tags: superior iron man, digital art Summary: SIM has taken an interest to AI Tony.

art: PbL: Dissonant Messages by @somekindofsheepl for @mserm

Tags: hydra steve rogers, hurt no comfort, tentacles, sharing a bed, these tags are a mess Summary: Tony has a little bit of a headache. Don't worry about it, everything is fine.

art: artificial intelligence out of time by kenobleeaaarrrgghh for @ayapandagirl

Tags: alternate universe, role reversal Summary: my fill for the AI tony exchange! for the prompt: [noir universe]'s version of AI tony

art: "Error 1610 File not Found" and "Wired to Obey" by badworldgood for @somekindofsheepl

Tags: Possessive Steve Rogers, Creepy Victor von Doom, Victor von Doom Being an Asshole, Cancer, Angst, Fanart , Ultimates, 616 Summary: UltsTony saves himself from the brain cancer by becoming an AI...or so they think. File corruption becomes an issue / AI Tony ends up in a damaged Doombot. Doom may grow attached, Steve is not happy once he finds out.

fic: no happy endings by @mserm for @kiyaar (8.8k)

Tags: choose your own adventure, POV second person, unhappy ending, everything feels wrong and nobody is ok Summary: AI Tony's greatest fear is that he'll be replaced by flesh-and-blood Tony. What will he do to stop it? That's for you to decide.

fic: hold me (like it's the last time) by @tinystark616 for @ralsbecket (3.8k)

Tags: hydra steve rogers, pining, angst with a happy ending, getting together, fix it, I mean first I made it worse and then I fixed it, sad AI tony, alternate universe - canon divergence Summary: Hydra Cap attempts to convince AI Tony to stay with him with promises to make Tony real. Tony wants to be real, but he wants the real Steve back even more.

fic: You don't have to be a ghost here amongst the living by @ayapandagirl for badworldgood (3.2k)

Tags: secret empire, existential crisis, transhumanism, artist steve rogers, modeling, timeline what timeline, AU - canon divergence Summary: AI Tony Stark struggles with identity and Steve offers a novel approach to the problem: modeling.

fic: Imagine Being Loved by Me by @ralsbecket for @rowantreeisme (2.5k)

Tags: established relationship, touch-starved, frottage, pining, references to depression, implied/referenced alcohol abuse, angst, hurt/comfort, ambiguous/open ending Summary: He lifts his hand, fingers hovering just over the slope of Tony’s nose and side of his cheek, blue light washing over it. There’s a hesitation there, in Steve’s eyes, as he inquires, “Can I touch you, or…?” Tony can guess what Steve doesn’t have the heart to finish: Can I touch you, or will I pass through you like you were nothing?

fic: body and mind and sun by @dirigibleplumbing for @oluka (5.2k)

Tags: secret empire, hydra steve rogers, AI tony stark, AU - canon divergence, transhumanism, body horror, body modification, angst, dark, forced intimacy, ambiguous/open ending Summary: Steve's engineering team insists that learning Stark's secrets is a waste of time. What can he offer Steve that they can't? Hydra has a spy in the resistance. They are on their way to completing the Cube. What more could he want? He wants Tony.

fic: do iron men dream of warm flesh? by ves.larkinson for @dirigibleplumbing (21.1k)

Tags: Transhumanism, Comic Book Science, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel, action/adventure elements, Coming of Age as an AI, Attempt at Humor, Philosophy, Existentialism, Time bullets, Identity Disability (sort of), tony is de-coma'd just before steve is de-HYDRA'd, Queer Themes, Civil War, Amnesia, Guilt, Betrayal, Post-Marvel Comic Event: Dark Reign (2008), Post-Marvel Comic Event: Secret Empire (2017) Summary: The artificial intelligence called Tony Stark is in it way over his head. The “real” Tony Stark is isolating himself, trying to ignore his part in the Civil War and the Dark Reign that followed it; and Steve is falling into guilt over his part in the Secret Empire. Tony has no history, and his human counterpart has too much. Somewhere between them, there might be a way forwards—for all three of the men in this shitshow.

fic: fate, commitment by @rowantreeisme for kenobleeaaarrrgghh (40.5k)

Tags: Edwin Jarvis, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, World War II, Comic: Iron Man Noir (2010), Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Canon, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Nazi Germany, Pre-Slash, Time Travel, Espionage, Canon-Typical Body Horror Summary: Cell fate commitment: the process through which a stem cell becomes committed to it's final state, and the means through which this is determined through genetics and molecular signalling.

fic: Similitude by @winnifredburkle for ves.larkinson (1.5k)

Tags: BDSM, armor kink, dubious consent, selfcest Summary: Tony gives AI Tony control of an Iron Man suit. For sex purposes. It doesn't quite go how he expected.

fic: Eidolon by @kiyaar for @starvels (22.9k)

Tags: established relationship, threesome - f/m/m, intellectual strap sucking, a dead celestial is sometimes a home, consent issues cockwarming, electroplay, secret empire, civil war II, canon compliant, angst, alcoholism, wistful flesh hunger, transhumanism, not-a-fixit, unfixit Summary: "What if we fucked," Carol says, "and we also fucked Steve." "I don't know if I can take that kind of rejection right now," Tony says.

You can view all of the works in the Ao3 collection here. You can join the endless AI Tony conversation in the 616 Steve/Tony discord here. And, as always - you can thank your creators by circulating their work and leaving comments and kudos on ao3!

#aitonyexchange #possessedbylight #616 #stevetony #capiron #stony #superhusbands #ai tony stark #tony stark #iron man #captain america #steve rogers #fandom event #fandom exchange #masterlist

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imnotevenusin · 4 months

Text

Explaining some placements in my Natal Chart

1. Taurus Mars: Honestly, I am kinda slow to taking action on most things. Usually, I don’t get that defensive, and I’m more comfortable with letting things slide; I don’t have enough energy for confrontation sometimes.

- squaring Neptune: Mars square Neptune is my worst aspect imo. This placement makes it hard for me to feel motivated; daydreaming is my go to, but I’m “working” on trying to knock down my goals in a realistic manner. I think this also makes my actions misconstrued by others - I always got in trouble and perceived as suspicious by others.

2. Mercury in Leo 11°: My laugh is contagious. A Leo Mercury gets attention from the way they communicate or laugh.

- opposing Neptune: Fucking terrible. All my words come out so wrong and jumbled together. An unhealthy amount of daydreaming too. I’ve always been a creative writer tho.

- conjunct Saturn: This one is annoying too. I do feel like my comments or opinions get ignored sometimes. And I gotta talk slowly to get the best sentences out. In general, Mercury-Saturn eventually makes you smart and well-educated; Saturn takes out what isn’t necessary and makes you think about something longer before you say it.

3. Aries Moon: I’ve definitely witnessed my Mom taking the leadership role in the household while growing up. She’s always wanted me to be more militant and confident. Even when I think something isn’t a big deal, she’ll take it very seriously. I’ve also heard of the Aries Moons having big foreheads-trend.

I think this is the most sensitive Moon sign, because the Moon is such a vulnerable planet and Aries feels everything so fast. Whenever I face emotional problems - or discomfort, I like to work out, or listen to loud music. Its like this weird energy rush.

3rd House Moon trine Mercury: Mind is racing constantly. I like to write out my feelings and thoughts to feel better. I can accurately analyze my emotional state. I’m a good student too—not so much with homework—and I can easily pay attention and participate in class.

-sextile Neptune: I can express my emotions through poetry and music. Neptune makes me a little more empathetic.

4. Libra MC: Throughout school, I’ve always been known for having nice outfits. My biggest aspirations involve artistic things: screenwriting & music.

5. Sun in Leo 29°/8H: Theres a lot of enjoyment in Astrology—which is also rules by the 8H—for me. In school, I had a list of everybody’s birthdays for some reason. I’m heavily interested in the subconscious mind and how it controls you—your behavior and how it affects the decisions you make. I’ve always been more interested in everything under the surface.

6. Saturn in Leo: I never really felt my Leo energy like that. I’m more reserved tbr. For some reason, I feel guilty and annoying for enjoying myself and simply being creative - even when it’s not bothering anybody.

7. Capricorn Rising: People usually tell me I look older than I am. I feel naturally awkward for some reason. Since the 1st House deals with the relationship we have with ourselves, it took me a while to get comfortable - Saturn rules Capricorn.

8. Chiron in the 1st House rX: Honestly, I never really put that much importance on my height, until other people started commenting on it. And there’s always unneeded comments on my appearance. Since its in Capricorn, I’ve had teeth problems growing up, and now I have braces.

9. Pluto in the 12th House rX: The 12th House is separated from everything and everybody. I’ve always been existential since an early age. There was always a fear of being separated from people. I do like to dig deep into my subconscious mind and figure myself out more; I’ve realized how powerful the subconscious mind was and why I was acting the way I was. Detaching from everything also seems to give me less burdens. Sleep Paralysis issues too.

10. Saturn in the 7H: Suckkkksssssss. Growing up, I was definitely the late-bloomer when it comes to relationships.

11. Uranus in the 2H sextile Ascendant: Definitely felt like an oddball growing up. I’m not the only person that listens to Rock, but I definitely got weird looks and reactions for enjoying it. I do get self-esteeem from being different, even if it alienates me. My appearance and interests surprises people.

12. Mars/Aries in the 4H: WWE matches in my household/family.

#astro observations #astrology #astro community #astro notes #astro placements #astrology observations #birth chart #natal chart #zodiac #rising sign

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hello-ello-ello · 7 months

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Macbeth but I have never read it but I have acted in act 1 of a tumblr production.

1. There are three witches. The third switch speaks the least. None of them bubble bubble toil and trouble.

2. Banquo comes back as a ghost

3. There are lots of birds in it. Wrens, owls and even eggs, which is a precursor to a bird.

4. Macduff is associated with said birds

5. when the hurly burly's done. (Excuse me, why is this line not famous)

6. Everybody dies at the end

7. Angus has 2 dialogues in act 1 then does not speak again till ACT V. Me: Who is Angus, anyway? ex: chekovs gun.

8. Macbeth is the thane of Cawdor.

9. His lady wife is an enabler.

10. King Duncan is not a donut. He is stabbed. (I will stab a jam donut next time I get one. I have never stabbed a donut before but fear not I have practice with stabbing cakes and kachoris)

11. Macbeth 's castle is in Inverness.

12. He rides extremely well.

13. Holp was the past tense of helped

13. Dame Judy (who did not agree to watch Bark Ruffalo) once played lady macbeth

14. David Tennant recently played Macbeth. I'm sure he did an excellent job.

15. DAVID FIDDLED A LOT WITH A CROWN.

16. DAVID PUT THE CROWN ON HIS OWN HEAD.

17. DAVID IF YOU PLAY LADY MACBETH I WILL FLY HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD TO SEE YOU.

18. NEIL GIVE ME S3 CROWLEY WITH LONG HAIR

FAQ:

Q. Surely you can go beyond 18 points after staging a production?

A. I WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION OKAY. Fine, you can have one more.

19. Somebody asks the messenger for news. I think it was David Tennant Macbeth

Q. Wait how did this become about David Tennant

A. DID YOU LOOK AT HIM HE'S GORGEOUS

Q. You said you were sleeping 3 hours ago. A. WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT OF MAGGOTS

Credits:

- Inspired by @weirdly-specific-but-ok

- my costars in the production @dashoulinas-fandom-dump , @queermarzipan , @koboldkatalyst and @harbinger-of-existential-dread , who surely paid more attention than me

- @multidimensional-trashcan for the bird facts and providing the stage

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cyanogoth · 2 years

Text

A nonexistent human being. Or is he? (character analysis of Johan Liebert)

A few months ago I’ve read a book which was recommended by one of the Monster’s fans, - “The Divided Self” by Ronald David Laing. He suggested Laing’s work to everyone who’s confused about Johan’s mindset and motivations, just as I’m sure a lot of us were… It was a GREAT recommendation, so insightful that I wanted to share my thoughts and the interpretation I developed.

Any blockquote in this post is from “The Divided Self”, there will be too many to sign each of them, so just keep that in mind :)

It’s going to be a painfully long read, but hopefully a rewarding one too.

PART 1: DEFINITION OF ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY, TRUE AND FALSE SELF

Firstly we need to get familiar with a few concepts from Laing’s work which will be important for understanding the rest of the essay. His book describes schizoids and schizophrenics, exploring the mechanisms behind their illness. But it is important to understand that he, although a psychiatrist, acknowledged mental illness primarily as an existential/philosophical problem rather than a purely medical one. He saw more value in understanding the patient's experience of the world rather than endlessly examining and manipulating their body.

The first term we will need is ontological insecurity. Let's compare how Laing describes someone who is confident in his own reality - and someone who is not.

The individual, then, may experience his own being as real, alive, whole; as differentiated from the rest of the world in ordinary circumstances so clearly that his identity and autonomy are never in question; as a continuum in time; as having an inner consistency, substantiality, genuineness, and worth; as spatially coextensive with the body; and, usually, as having begun in or around birth and liable to extinction with death. He thus has a firm core of ontological security.

<...>

The individual in the ordinary circumstances of living may feel more unreal than real; in a literal sense, more dead than alive; precariously differentiated from the rest of the world, so that his identity and autonomy are always in question. <… > He may feel more insubstantial than substantial, and unable to assume that the stuff he is made of is genuine, good, valuable. And he may feel his self as partially divorced from his body.

If a position of primary ontological security has been reached, the ordinary circumstances of life do not afford a perpetual threat to one's own existence. If such a basis for living has not been reached, the ordinary circumstances of everyday life constitute a continual and deadly threat.

For an individual who’s unsure of his own existence, life becomes a constant struggle to preserve his self. All efforts are made to avoid engulfment, implosion, petrification. Fear of being absorbed is essentially fear of being understood, caught up, seen, loved, "grasped".

To be understood correctly is to be engulfed, to be enclosed, swallowed up, drowned, eaten up, smothered, stifled in or by another person's supposed all-embracing comprehension. It is lonely and painful to be always misunderstood, but there is at least from this point of view a measure of safety in isolation.

The way to deal with this fear is to take one’s true self out of the real world, completely out of reach of other people. A true self withdraws into the depths of the inner world, its connection with an individual’s body is interrupted. That which interacts with the "outside" world and controls actions, movements, words, facial expressions is the false self. A carefully falsified image designed to deflect the gaze of others.

…[he] never allows himself to 'be himself in the presence of anyone else. He avoids social anxiety by never really being with others. He never quite says what he means or means what he says. The part he plays is always not quite himself. He takes care to laugh when he thinks a joke is not funny, and look bored when he is amused. <…> No one, therefore, really knows him, or understands him. He can be himself in safety only in isolation, albeit with a sense of emptiness and unreality. With others, he plays an elaborate game of pretense and equivocation. His social self is felt to be false and futile. - Laing describing his patient

However, another fear, of petrification, or objectification, clashes with the previous one. Fear of being absorbed makes one flee from the gaze of others, but by hiding from it, an individual ceases to be perceived by anyone, which once again puts their substantiality into question. An individual is very much afraid of being perceived by others as an object, as something inanimate, as a machine, as an “it” without subjectivity. It’s as if any potential observer is Medusa, who can instantly turn an individual to stone with a mere gaze. This fear pushes a person to "existential suicide" - he pretends to be "dead", giving up his own autonomy before someone else can deaden him and treat him as an inanimate object. Also, as a way of protecting himself, an individual might turn everyone around him into stone too - because a phantom, hallucination, or an object couldn’t harm him, only real human beings are capable of such.

Fear of implosion is the same as fear of absorbing the real experience of life. An individual is empty, he is a vacuum - but this vacuum he begins to think of as himself. Any substantial relationship with the world and people threatens to "tear" him, so he avoids it, too.

Now let’s clarify what is false self, how it relates to the true one and the world.

If the individual delegates all transactions between himself and the other to a system within his being which is not 'him', then the world is experienced as unreal, and all that belongs to this system is felt to be false, futile, and meaningless.

Here’s an illustration from “The Divided Self” to better visualize what is meant here.

The reality of the world and of the self are mutually potentiated by the direct relationship between self and other. In Figure 2, there is a vicious circle.

the person who does not act in reality and only acts in phantasy becomes himself unreal.

The true self resides in an imaginary, devoid world of phantoms. It becomes unembodied, not represented in the real world. The real world, in return, loses its vitality in the eyes of a schizoid, viewed now as filled with objects.

The false self is a mask, a performance, an imaginary identity with little or nothing to do with the true self of the individual. Laing describes cases in which the false self starts to emerge in childhood and such children are described by their parents as remarkably obedient, compliant, undemanding. They conform perfectly to the expectations of the family and the environment. They begin to mockingly imitate what is desired of them. This is not necessarily an absurdly "good" image; it can also be absurdly evil, if that is what the world wishes the individual to be.

The point of having a false self is to not let any part of the true one slip to the real world, where an individual has no power over what will be done to it. To give something about him away is to rely on others mercy, and it’s a risk a schizoid can't afford.

in reality, in 'the objective element', nothing of 'him' shall exist, and no footprints or fingerprints of the 'self shall have been left.

Now to the interesting part - how all of that correlates to Johan.

PART 2: ROOTS OF JOHAN’S ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY

Firstly, of course, dressing up as a sister. He probably could sense already that it’s done for a reason, not for the fun of it. The family led “a quiet life”, which is probably difficult to do with two kids. So, my suggestion: the twins grew up with the feeling that they have to hide from some sort of danger and avoid attention. But, Anna didn’t have to hide her real appearance, unlike Johan, for whom pretending to be someone else became an important part of remaining safe.

Did he conceal as someone else, or was he only an imposter for the real human that for sure is present in the world?

Because everyone, besides mother and sister, only knew the sister, the girl, the daughter. She was definitely real. Was he really ever there?

Even the mother couldn’t tell them apart. He became an illusory twin.

The moment their mother hesitated could only solidify Johan’s intrusive thoughts. She had someone in mind, could it be that she hesitated because at that exact moment couldn’t tell where the kid she’d given up?

Did he only stand a chance to live, physically and existentially, only if he concealed as someone else? Because if people could see him for what he truly was, he would not be saved.

My guess is that Johan's perception of himself was so distorted that he no longer thought of himself as the real thing; that the true self worth protecting wasn’t inside of him, it was his sister, and he was fake in his entirety. He was a mere pretender who had to ward off danger from the true self. Johan's saying "I am you, and you are me" and referring to Anna as "my other self" indirectly confirms my assumption - he began to see himself and his sister as an integrated system, where he is nothing more than a facade and his sister is the living, real, substantial, human one.

The mother's hesitance in choosing between the two children added fuel to Johan's already flimsy sense of his own substantiality. What if she was not choosing between the twins, but simply could not at that moment figure out which one was which? Keeping a particular child in mind, she just couldn't tell who was really the kid she was thinking of and who was posing as such? Where is the real child and where is the false one?

The feeling of insecurity, the loneliness, the pain of their mother's abandonment, the sympathy for this sister, and the enormous guilt that the real one of them two had fallen into clutches of monsters. The twins' whole life consisted of constant attempts of intruders to destroy their lives and identities.

The days after Anna’s return prior to being found on Czech-German border mark Johan’s existential death.

Something in him collapsed in that interval of time. When his mother was choosing between them, he was still a normal child (or, at least, nothing described in manga showed us his abnormality) - afraid of being abandoned by his mother, of being handed over to be torn apart by sinister strangers whose intentions were unknown, but from whom he’d been running for as long as he could remember. All these feelings died in him. When and how exactly, we don't know, but a completely different Johan crosses the Czech-German border - detached, horrifyingly tranquil, indifferent to death. In a sense, he no longer has anything to fear, the short chain of events has been so devastating that he unknowingly committed existential suicide. Even if it’s death that’s awaiting them, no one will be able to put their hands on them, no one will be able to twist their souls and minds.

Laing’s patients often described their inner world as a wasteland, devoid of any sign of life. There are quotes from his book in which Laing talks about his patient and cites his words:

The self becomes desiccated and dead. In his dream world James experienced himself as even more alone in a desolate world than in his waking existence, for example:

“.. . I was standing in the middle of a barren landscape. It was absolutely flat. There was no life in sight. The grass was hardly growing. My feet were stuck in mud… ”

“. .. . I was in a lonely place of rocks and sand. I had fled there from something; now I was trying to get back to somewhere but didn't know which way to go… “

Reminds us of something, doesn’t it?

And it’s a precise reflection of Johan's world, the real Johan, where his self ended up imprisoned. However, he was a little luckier than the other schizoids - there was room for one more person in his world.

Mentally, Johan never made it out of that wasteland, only his body was saved. He calls this landscape a scenery of the Doomsday, not only because his body was close to death in that very space, but because it so strongly resembled Johan's inner landscape. It was the last place his soul has seen.

PART 3: KINDERHEIM 511 AND THE LIEBERTS

One’s true self, residing in a world of phantoms, ceases to engage with the real world through the individual's body. What is this body occupied with meanwhile?

Instead of being the core of his true self, the body is felt as the core of a false self, which a detached, disembodied, 'inner', 'true' self looks on at with tenderness, amusement, or hatred as the case may be. <…> The unembodied self, as onlooker at all the body does, engages in nothing directly.

This offers an answer as to why Kinderheim didn’t have the same destructive impact on Johan as it had on other children. His true self was already out of reach, it couldn’t be obtained no matter what they did to him externally.

They could get nothing from him. "They could only beat me up but they could not do me any real harm." That is, any damage to his body could not really hurt him.

In a sad way, the experiments on Johan's psyche were not successful, for he himself, quite unknowingly, subjected himself to all the horrors to which the Kinderheim warders were about to subject him.

You cannot kill what is dead, drain what’s empty, objectify what’s inanimate. That's why they didn't make it.

But Johan, of course, is the result they strived for but couldn’t achieve: a human so terrified and defenseless that is pushed to abandon his sensitivity in order to survive.

Thus, to forgo one's autonomy becomes the means of secretly safeguarding it; to play possum, to feign death, becomes a means of preserving one's aliveness. To turn oneself into a stone becomes a way of not being turned into a stone by someone else.

It seems to me that Johan was ready to settle down and stop running after escaping Kinderheim 511. But he left the orphanage with a critically dangerous revelation - sometimes it’s either you, or everyone else; his actions clearly show that he won’t hesitate to obliterate everything and everyone if it ensures safety. I just don’t think he expected to find himself in a similar position so soon, when he was adopted by Lieberts.

The thing about him is that he played along, he became what the world wanted him to become, yet it wasn’t enough to finally be left alone. The man they ran away from showed up at their doorstep and Johan lost his temper. Nothing helped the twins to escape monsters - living under different names, with different caregivers, in different places, together, separated- NOTHING was ever enough.

Maybe it was around the time his plan to be the last one standing was formed. Wiping out every sparkle of life from the world was the last attempt to gain safety.

Johan doesn’t care much about dying because his existential death has already happened, he already feels a lot more dead and frozen than alive. He already convinced himself that there’s nothing true about him, and out of two of them his sister is the true self. It doesn’t matter if he dies, he was never there from the start. But even after the gunshot he hopes to live through his sister.

Everything that comes after that wretched rainy night is an attempt to secure himself and his sister from the world that was on their tail for as long as they lived. He is ready to be separated from her and let her live under a different name if that’s how the monster finally loses track of her; he’s ready to enter the underworld, to take control of the German economy, to kill people.

It seems to me, because of the confinement of his true self in the realm of insubstantiality, he became unable to perceive people from the real world as alive and autonomous, that’s the sad reason why he could kill so easily. What he saw around were ghosts, objects that were mimicking human beings, not actual humans.

But there were exceptions.

Only Anna and Tenma are shown together with Johan in the wasteland of his inner world, where his true self dwells - them being there with him is a way of telling us, readers, that only these two truly know Johan. And therefore, only they can be spared.

I just want to emphasize: for Johan, “destroying the world” and “be the last one standing” wasn’t something he did for fun, or just because he could. It’s the last endeavor of a tortured child convinced in hostility of all living things to find peace.

PART 4: THE TALE OF THE NAMELESS MONSTER

The self is, however, charged with hatred in its envy of the rich, vivid, abundant life which is always elsewhere; always there, never here. The self, as we said, is empty and dry. One might call it an oral self in so far as it is empty and longs to be and dreads being filled up. But its orality is such that it can never be satiated by any amount of drinking, feeding, eating, chewing, swallowing. It is unable to incorporate anything. It remains a bottomless pit; a gaping maw that can never be filled up.

In the tale of the nameless monster, Johan can be both the monster and the boy who has been possessed by a foreign entity. That depends on how you interpret it.

This tale could be an allegory for what is happening to the twins, which are represented as nameless monsters. Johan could not remain himself, all the time hiding under different "faces'', changing names and identities. However, he couldn’t stay in any of them for long. His nature was bursting out, destroying these masks and whatever and whoever was around in the process. Nina on the other hand, even knowing her past, accepted the truth. Accepted her mother's choice and hardships she had to endure. She no longer tries to appear to be someone else, having chosen to move on with her life.

A second interpretation: Johan-the-Prince and our Johan are both weakened boys on a brink of death. For each of them, letting the Monster in, something scary, unnatural to humans, was a way to survive. So our Johan suppressed his sensitivity and susceptibility by pretending to be a not-quite-human, until traces and even references to his humanity have all but disappeared.

I don't think the fairytale manipulated Johan as a child, messing up his consciousness. What’s truly sinister about this picture book is that it foretold his fate.

As an adult, he picks up this book and sees himself in both the monster, who could not bear the present self and took on another's form, and the boy, who in an attempt to survive has ceased to be human, has destroyed everything around him. All that remains is solitude.

Imageries of the prince and the monster merge into one, and in one thing they are similar - in a fear of losing their lives, they lied primarily to themselves, and that lie destroyed the being of each of them. Neither monster nor prince really saved what they were protecting so desperately.

In addition, the book itself was an object from Johan's distant childhood, now almost forgotten, and served also as a reminder of the times when he was an ordinary, normal child.

Johan was wearing masks all the time, but the greatest of all his deceptions was not to live under the names “Johan Liebert”, “Franz Heinau”, “Erich Springer”, or any other for that matter. The most atrocious lie was to wear a mask of the nameless monster, even convincing himrself that this is who he is, that the emptiness and void is all there is to him. Wearing the guise of the nameless monster for years he had almost lost every memory of being human, and the book in his hands was a painful, violent reminder of his cowardly self-deception, his abandoned humanity, his forgotten self.

PART 5: I AM NOT YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT ME

From the moment the book falls into his hands, Johan probably realizes that his worldview is very much distorted. One of his fundamental beliefs about himself has been undermined, so debunking the rest of his illusions becomes a priority.

He remembers orchestrating the massacre at Kinderheim, but his belief that he was always capable of such things is shaken. He suspects that in his lost memories he will find the answer to the question he didn’t even think of asking. If he wasn’t born a monster, how did he become one?

We are not allowed to listen to the entire contents of the tape from Kinderheim 511. Only his attachment to Anna becomes apparent from it; but maybe he proceeds to talk about the Red Rose Mansion next. During interrogation he could recall his sister's words, which he heard again and again after her return. Her story was told in the first person POV: “I saw <....> I heard <…> I was <...> I ran <...>”. On recording he could repeat verbatim the words of his sister, and then, as an adult listening to it, misunderstand the meaning of those words. After all, he heard himself saying “I was taken <...>, I saw people die <...> , I ran away…” And only on the basis of this would he latch on to the story about the Red Rose Mansion as an explanation for what he had become.

Johan then decides to destroy the place. Although he clearly doesn’t recognize it, it doesn’t ring the bell yet.

Johan at that moment still considers himself a single set of personalities with his sister, and believes that in his mother's eyes they looked the same.

I can only assume that he told Čapek that Nina would kill him because he mistakenly thought that Nina held the same opinion about their connection as he did. If he's willing to kill for her, she'll do the same. Of course, he was wrong: he saw himself as an extension, a shadow of his sister, taking her joy and pain as his own; Nina, as much as she loved her brother, did not see herself and him as one, and clearly drew boundaries between her being and Johan's.

The capacity to experience oneself as autonomous means that one has really come to realize that one is a separate person from everyone else. No matter how deeply I am committed in joy or suffering to someone else, he is not me, and I am not him.

The assumption of being taken away by Bonaparta and being cast aside by his mother was one of the last crutches guarding him from the horrifying truth - he was the one who turned himself into a monster.

He cries when he hears Nina's story. Realizing that they’re not one, and she has never perceived Johan in this way. She is not his true self, and he is not his sister's false self. He sees more and more clearly the outlines of the true self within him, and he does not like the picture emerging before him at all.

All the “saving” he was doing turned out to be a sham that didn’t bring any of the twins the expected result. He experienced the guilt of denying himself existence and grew so enraged that he decided to kill himself. He now saw his true self - destructive, without a good reason. And realized it had to be eradicated, along with the man, the Monster, who made him that way - Franz Bonaparta.

PART 6: RUHENHEIM

The final stage of Johan's collapse, the massacre at Ruhenheim.

When he gets to Bonaparta's old house and finds numerous sketches of him and his sister as children he understands that Bonaparta was not “a monster outside of him”.

He refers to him as such when meeting Čapek, implying that Franz is to blame for him becoming a murderer. Upon seeing these sketches he recognized that Bonaparta's intentions had changed greatly over the years, and both Anna and himself were able to escape their fate because of his suddenly awakened sympathy. Not that this excuses Bonaparta, he was the one who designed the experiment after all. But these sketches were a confirmation of his kind intentions towards the twins, whatever they may have been at the outset.

It turns out that when Bonaparta came to visit the Lieberts, he was no longer a threat to Johan and Anna. Johan now knew that the night he shot the Lieberts had indeed stumbled and made a fatal mistake which tore him apart from Anna and plunged him deeper into the abyss of despair.

The event that finally convinced him of the animosity of the world and the lack of a safe corner anywhere in it was a figment of his mind which was led by fear.

This discovery was the final straw for Johan. Any image he had of himself collapsed for good.

The ending of "Monster" is Johan's realization of the fact that he undoubtedly Is. He exists, he is real, and he is him. And he was among the people who denied him the right to live; he was incapable of standing up for himself and recognizing his right to life, as his sister managed to do. He was so eager to erase any traces of himself from the world that didn’t notice the huge trail of blood dragging behind him, that was solid evidence of his existence, the only thing he had left.

He didn’t need to do horrible things that only left him and Nina traumatised. That left him all alone, miserable, separated from her.

He tried so hard to evade the evil people that he killed his Self before anyone had a chance to lay a hand on it.

When he set out to be nothing, his guilt was not only that he had no right to do all the things that an ordinary person can do, but that he had not the courage to do these things over and against and despite his conscience which sought to tell him that everything he did or could do in this life among other people was wrong. His guilt was in endorsing by his own decision this feeling that he had no right to life, and in denying himself access to the possibilities of this life.

After everything he learned about his past, Johan can’t forgive himself. For throwing himself into oblivion, for locking himself in the darkness. For making himself a monster that he was not born to be, that he had a chance not to become.

He was just as capable and deserving of normal life and real, deep connection with others as any other human being. He just convinced himself that he wasn’t one, and nobody dared to contradict him.

There is a desire in him to preserve not only himself from being consumed, but also those he cares about from himself. He thinks of his love as disastrous - because of it, Anna lost her brother and adoptive parents. Tenma, who saved him, was forced to be on the run for several years after becoming a murder suspect.

If there is anything the schizoid individual is likely to believe in, it is his own destructiveness. He is unable to believe that he can fill his own emptiness without reducing what is there to nothing. He regards his own love and that of others as being as destructive as hatred. To be loved threatens his self; but his love is equally dangerous to anyone else. His isolation is not entirely for his own self's sake. It is also out of concern for others. <…>

…what the schizoid individual feels daily. He says, 'It would not be fair to anyone I might love, to love him.' <…> He descends into a vortex of non-being in order to avoid being, but also to preserve being from himself.

He wishes to die now more than ever - a real death, this time. Not just existential, but total. The true end, as he called it.

Appearing in front of Bonaparta and Tenma, he doesn't aim at Franz, because he no longer blames Bonaparta for what he has become.

Johan said the only thing everyone is equal in is death, and what was behind his words: he says to Tenma that not everyone is worthy of saving, of being loved and forgiven, and Tenma should've finally realized this after meeting him and really knowing him. Because he's a monster, and being cheerful, having hope and light in their life is something that others can have, but he can’t; he's completely out of this human world and the only thing he has in common with everyone else is that they are mortal and so is he.

But even in his death he is mistaken. Once again believing he has no right to exist, he hopes to laugh at the world one last time, and die at the hands of the man who once saved him. After all, he certainly wouldn't have done it, knowing what Johan would grow up to be.

Isn’t that right, Dr. Tenma?…

Nina forgave him and the man who saved his life long time ago doesn’t regret his choice anymore and commits to it. The only people dear to him have recognized his right to live, whatever he may be.

Alas, how this affected him, we don’t know, and all we’re left with is speculation.

As a sentimental person, I want to believe that it meant something to Johan.

But what I really don't doubt is that Johan by the end is a completely different character to the one he used to be. Broken, disarmed, miserable. But it’s finally truly him.

"I think I must have figured out how the show ended. The Magnificent Steiner, he probably, became human again."

PART 7: THE FINAL ESCAPE

A mother plays a huge role in the development of her children's ontological insecurity - sometimes by being outright dismissive, sometimes by simply enjoying the child's undemanding and calm nature.

Here's what you can read about the mother’s impact in “The Divided Self”, those are Laing's reflections and descriptions of several of his patients.

... we suggest that a necessary component in the development of the self is the experience of oneself as a person under the loving eye of the mother.

His own feeling about his birth was that neither his father nor his mother had wanted him and, indeed, that they had never forgiven him for being born. <…> He was treated as though he wasn't there.' For his part, not only did he feel awkward and obvious, he felt guilty simply at 'being in the world in the first place'. His mother had, it seems, eyes only for herself. She was blind to him. He was not seen.

She had a great deal to say about her mother. She was smothering her, she would not let her live, and she had never wanted her.

Johan’s mother's choice was the first one in the long list of his miseries, it also triggered his ontological insecurity. And how could it not arise when the mother herself abandoned one of her children?

However, Johan was unaware that his mother had thought up names for the two of them, even before he and Nina were born. It turns out that the arrival of the second child was not an unpleasant surprise to her, she was looking forward to having them both.

She had always acknowledged the existence of both her children, and in her eyes they certainly weren’t a one big entity divided by chance into two bodies, one of which was never meant to be there.

But Johan looks truly disturbed after listening to Tenma. And this new revelation could also be another beginning to despair.

There is a door that must not be opened. What lays behind it: a paradise, or another monster?

Tenma, by telling him that the mother had given names to both of them, might have brought Johan down to a new hell. Where the mother recognised the reality of both her children and yet seriously chose which of them to keep.

This sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life, but since it’s fiction we’re talking about, I think we should pay attention to the fact that Johan wakes up only after hearing Tenma’s words. There is a symbolic meaning of him being stuck between life and death for so long.

It’s like he was resisting to be alive again, refusing to stay awake, choosing to be in a coma rather than walk this Earth again. But yet he didn’t die - a part of Johan was holding onto life despite all the horrors it brought to him.

In his last waking moments, he was miserable after discovering all the truth about himself. He really wanted to die, he thought it was the only thing he was deserving of; but Tenma didn’t shot him, his sister forgave him - and it wasn’t the outcome he expected at all. It started an inner conflict he didn’t have the time to resolve.

Johan as well could see the memory of mother’s choice in a different light. By opening up to Tenma he admitted it as a serious enough cause for him to abandon his humanity, as he really was living in a world full of threats. Hiding and pretending came natural to a child that didn’t know any better. And his mother, however hurtful her choice was and how wrong was the very fact of it, loved both of her children, Johan knows that for sure now. Maybe, he could finally forgive himself for becoming a monster. There was no one left to blame for the way he had turned out, no one to take revenge on - even himself.

(I know it can be confusing, so I’ll clarify, just in case - by “forgiving himself” i don't mean he simply dismissed the damage he did to others. He could only forgive the one he, with his own hands, inflicted upon himself, finally realizing, he had no other choice in his circumstances.)

He had a chance to accept that he had the right to exist all along, from the very beginning.

Finally, I want to get into the last excerpt from Laing's book. These are his patient's words from their conversation.

I could only be good if you saw it in me. It was only when I looked at myself through your eyes that I could see anything good. Otherwise, I only saw myself as a starving, annoying brat whom everyone hated and I hated myself for being that way. I wanted to tear out my stomach for being so hungry.

<…> Everyone should be able to look back in their memory and be sure he had a mother who loved him, all of him; even his piss and shit. He should be sure his mother loved him just for being himself; not for what he could do. Otherwise he feels he has no right to exist. He feels he should never have been born. No matter what happens to this person in life, no matter how much he gets hurt, he can always look back to this and feel that he is lovable. He can love himself and he cannot be broken. If he can't fall back on this, he can be broken. You can only be broken if you're already in pieces. As long as my baby-self has never been loved then I was in pieces. By loving me as a baby, you made me whole.

<…> It was terribly hard for me to stop being a schizophrenic. I knew I didn't want to be a Smith (patient’s family name), because then I was nothing but old Professor Smith's granddaughter. I couldn't be sure that I could feel as though I were your child, and I wasn't sure of myself. The only thing I was sure of was being a 'catatonic, paranoid and schizophrenic'. I had seen that written on my chart. That at least had substance and gave me an identity and personality. [What led you to change?] When I was sure that you would let me feel like your child and that you would care for me lovingly. If you could like the real me, then I could too. I could allow myself just to be me and didn't need a title.

I walked back to see the hospital recently, and for a moment I could lose myself in the feeling of the past. In there I could be left alone. The world was going by outside, but I had a whole world inside me. Nobody could get at it and disturb it. For a moment I felt a tremendous longing to be back. It has been so safe and quiet. But then I realized that I can have love and fun in the real world and I started to hate the hospital. I hated the four walls and the feeling of being locked in. I hated the memory of never being really satisfied by my fantasies.

The above passage resembles Johan in many ways: the hunger he felt for real life, the doubt of being loved by mother, the bond which he developed with Tenma…. The last has to be special for Johan: the doctor didn’t simply let him off the hook in the end, he actively chose to save his life.

And just as Laing's patient laments how difficult it was for her to give up the label of "crazy, schizophrenic” because it was the only description she felt could be applied to her, Johan couldn’t part with the mask of the nameless monster for the longest time. It was, after all, the only constant in his life. And now he knows that "nameless" part isn’t really true. Or maybe it doesn't matter anymore. He is just him.

It’s up for a debate whether Johan chose life or death in the end. There’s evidence for both and this ambiguity is sure intentional on the author’s part.

I just want to believe it was a newfound hope that got Johan out of the hospital bed.

#johan liebert #monster anime #naoki urasawa's monster #anime analysis #monster anime analysis #nina fortner #kenzo tenma #naoki urusawa #monster meta

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