#i think they’re listed like that based on how early they expect you to get there

[goldensunset]

amazes me that people can remember information about routes in pokémon games. like ‘i loooove route 217 ❤️’ ‘route 209 has such a banger theme!!!’ ‘have you made it to route 225?’ ‘you can find this rare pokémon on route 210!’ bestie those are numbers. those are just numbers to me how do you remember which area is which. i think i have a general idea of most of them but i still have to look them up every time i need to refer to them in conversation

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Chapter 3: 2019, North Island Naval Base - Tinkerbell

Chapter 3 Part 2 of You Are My Soulmate

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x Reader

Description: You've been unable to deny the pull Rooster Bradshaw has on you. But, he avoids you like you're the plague. When a new mission is given to the pilots, you're honored that your team is to be involved. But the new mission brings new challenges, both amongst the teams you work with and their planes. When Rooster flagrantly disregards what you said for safety, you weren’t expecting the pull you've been feeling to go far deeper than you would ever expect it to.

Disclaimers: Misogynistic speech. Mentioned Homosexual Relationships. Angst. Flagrant disregard for protocols or Authority. Angst. Anguish.

This content presented in this story is for audiences age 18 and over only. MINORS DNI. I will not be accepting tag-list requests from Blank or Ageless Blogs for this story.

Warnings: Female!Reader

Word Count: 3792

A/N: Hello, hello! Here's Tinkerbell’s part to the happenings of Chapter 3! Her pain was really hard to write and portray accurstely. In any case, I hope you all love this chapter and feel free to scream at me for it!

AO3: Cross-posted Here!

My Masterlist

Previous Part | Series Masterlist | Next Part

Your mind seems to turn in circles the more you think about it. How could Bradley Bradshaw be your soulmate? Sure he has a gorgeously maintained canary blue truck. Sure he ticks off all of the physical features your soulmate should have. But he's a dick! Your one soft moment with him during the AMDO inspection hasn't changed anything. He still glares whenever he sees you and when you’re with Jake? He’s extra nasty. You’re still not sure what you did to make him hate you so much. If he’s your soulmate, how could he hate you?

You’ve heard first hand how contentious Jake’s relationship had been with him before the Uranium Mission. Is that what this is? Leftover animosity because a pretty girl is close to Jake? Does he not see how happy Jake and Javy are together? They’re so easy to read for you, and you’re sure for at least Phoenix, but it’s hard to know if you haven’t been explicitly told so.

He's a bit of a space cadet whenever you see him following the AMDO inspection. Everytime you make eye contact, he seems to run into something or blush and walk away. Jake takes great pleasure in exploiting this new development, because your best friend is nothing but a dick at the best of times. But even Jake’s fun gets cut short as Top Gun seems to be held in a vice. Rear Admiral Mitchell rarely naps on the sofa in your team’s hangar anymore and all of the admiralty are notoriously short tempered. It’s not the midwinter budget crunch either. You’ve been hearing murmurings of a high profile mission from your friends at the Pentagon, and you have a terrible feeling about what is to come.

When the admiralty assembles your team, the Daggers and the Top Gun cohort in the biggest hangar on base bright and early on a Monday morning, the sick feeling in your stomach intensifies.

��Aviators, following the success of the Dagger Squadron during what we’re choosing to call the Uranium Mission, the Navy assembled the Daggers as a hit squadron. Your mission was to assist at Top Gun and assist the Navy by partaking in all of those missions for which your unique expertise would be necessary. Your specialties are uniquely necessary for this mission. But you alone will not be enough. This is where the current Top Gun cohort comes in.”

“Aviators.” Admiral Mitchell pulls up blueprints and pictures of bunkers located in the middle of a jungle. “These bunkers, aviators, are your target. They’re located just below ground level in a natural depression, surrounded by a Faraday cage and heavily guarded by both ground troops and patrolling jets."

“So what’re we doing, Mav? A bombing run? Why are these bunkers so important?” Phoenix looks intrigued by the prospect. It’s going to be a challenging mission, alright. You can already tell why your team is involved. That Faraday cage is going to be the biggest technological challenge.

“There’s a high-profile US Government informant in those bunkers. They’ve been captured by the enemy and profusely tortured. But we don’t know which building. As the area is heavily wooded and crawling with enemy troops, our air support will scan and identify which bunker the informant is in and laser target the building so the ground team can extract them. But that’s the easy part of the job. The hard part is getting to the enemy facility with miles of heavily patrolled airways between our entry approach and the base itself.”

“Aviators, it will be a dogfight the whole way there. They’ve got 5th gen fighters. Our only hope for survival will be splitting our complement of 16 planes into four teams of four. We’ll have three teams flying single-seater F-18s. Two of those teams will be engaging the enemy in dogfights. The third will be providing air cover for the ground team. The fourth team will be flying at high altitudes in F-15Es equipped with laser sighting and targeting systems. Using satellite imagery, this team will paint the bunker containing the informant with a geo-locked tag.”

“We have to extract the informant before the enemy moves them again. So far they’ve been moving them once a month to another bunker in the area. Our intelligence has confirmed that the informant will be moved to this facility by the end of the month. So we have a few weeks to get the timing right. Failure is not an option.”

Your team already looks ready for the challenge, scrawling ideas down on their tablets while the aviators look at the frankly ridiculous flight plan Admiral Mitchell has pulled up. While you should be doing the same, you’re struck by a couple of things. First, the pure wonder and determination in Rooster’s face. Second, you note how steep the climb is on the F-15Es. The laser sight cannot fail when it’s that high up. Neither can the heat sensors or geo-tag. You can already see the F-15E schematics in front of your eyes as well as potential failure points. You get so wrapped up in your thoughts that it takes Lieutenant Green several tries to jolt you out of your head.

“You alright, Commander?” The hangar’s nearly empty when you smile weakly at her.

“Yeah, Lieutenant Green. I have a few ideas to reinforce the F-15E so it can sustain flight at high altitudes and so the laser targeting and geo tagging functionalities remain stable at high speeds.” Your smile is soft as she excitedly begins chattering on and on.

You spend the next week and half in the hangar, working around the clock on the modifications to the F-15Es. You’re barely eating and sleeping, only years of military training ensuring that you’re presentable. Everything has to be perfect on this mission, especially if he’s going on it, and you know he will. You can’t let anything happen to him. Not to your soul.

It’s a week and a half before the mission when one of the flight crews notice that Lieutenant Bradshaw’s front landing gear isn’t deploying correctly. As the most senior Aviation Maintenance Duty Officer, you add checking out Rooster’s landing gear to your already fully stacked plate. If anything, you push it to the top of your priorities. No soulmate of yours is going up on a training hop with faulty landing gear. Of course, the only time you get to take a look at his jet is at half-past four in the morning. You know the Daggers have been running simulations at six o’clock for the past few days and hope the hour and a half is enough to assuage your worries.

Every joint in your body aches, down to the bone, and you know you don’t look much better than you feel. Your face is drawn and the bags under your eyes are so dark that they’re purple. You’ve resorted to shoving on spectacles just so you can see clearly, your eyes irritated after long hours wearing contacts around jet fumes. Time whizzes by as you slide under his jet and check out every piece. You barely notice the way grease splatters hot on your face, you’re so intent on making sure every part is functioning properly.

The rough “G’morning” you hear startles you out of your meditative work. It is Lieutenant Bradshaw, of course, and his voice sends heat rushing to your face and ties your tongue in knots.

“Lieutenant!” Your voice is a little high pitched as you desperately search for a rag to clean your hands off on. “Good Morning!”

“What’re you doing under there, huh? And so early?" God damn, Naval Aviators are another breed. Standing there in a flight suit, Bradley Bradshaw looks like sin, the baggy flame retardant material unable to hide just how muscular he is.

"One of the ground crew noticed that your front landing gear wasn't deploying to its full capacity yesterday. Before we grounded you for the day, I wanted to check it out and see if I could identify the problem and get it fixed.” You smile at him, but your smile drops off of your face as a frown takes over his.

He’s nearly glaring as he takes in every word that drops from your lips. You know this is an important mission for the aviators, but as far as you’re concerned, Bradley Bradshaw has nothing to be worried about, right?

“Did you find the problem?” His voice is a near growl as he spits the words out, getting into your face. Vitriol, you can handle, even as it hurts your heart.

"Yes, Lieutenant, I did. The hydraulics on the front landing gear aren’t deploying correctly. I’m afraid you will indeed be grounded for part of the day while I get a maintenance crew to swap out the part.” His eyebrows furrow, rage making his jaw sharp as he chews on his words. You can’t bear the rage in his face so you turn to your tablet, checking on North Island’s parts inventory and maintenance roster. As luck would have it, you have both a new landing gear and a maintenance crew available this morning. You’re almost too quick to put in a work order and replacement part requisition form to get him back up in the air.

“I can get a crew assigned, so you should be good to go by mid-morning, Lieutenant.” Your smile is hopeful even as Jake walks into the hangar with the biggest cups of coffee in a drink carrier in his hand.

“Hey, Tink!” Jake must be able to sense how exhausted you are because his Texas drawl is immediately over-exaggerated and goofy. “Your coffee, sweetheart!”

Your grin is a little goofy as you giggle out, “Hey, Jake! Thanks! I’ll come get it in a bit. Give me a few to talk to Lieutenant Bradshaw and I’ll be right there!”

“Of course! Take your time!” Your smile fades as soon as you turn back to Bradley Bradshaw, because the man is glaring at you like you’re everything that’s wrong with the world.

“Lieutenant Commander, that is unacceptable. I need to be out there, flying!” You can feel the anger rolling off of him in waves.

“I understand that, Lieutenant, probably better than anybody. But I can’t replace this part any faster if I did it myself. This is the US Navy. There are procedures that I need to follow.” You’re not sure who you’re trying to placate, him or yourself. Every dirty look he levels you makes you feel like the worst person on the planet.

“Can we at least talk to Mav? See if there isn’t a spare jet or something that I can borrow?” He looks rather like a little boy wheedling for more play time before bed. But you can’t give in to the look in his eyes.

You exhale softly, before pulling up the jet inventory on base. You show him the jets, murmuring, “What do you mean, is there a spare jet you can borrow? This is the Navy, Bradshaw, not a library. As you can see, there isn’t a single jet on base that you could be assigned temporarily.”

But when you look back up, Bradley’s puffing up rather like the one time Jake ran afoul of a rooster at Seresin Ranch. Rage is seeping from every single one of his pores. Just as you open your mouth to reiterate that protocol wouldn’t let you do this even if you tried, he’s spitting words at you again.

“You’re doing this for Bagman, aren’t you?” He’s completely in your face. It takes you far too long to figure out who he’s talking about. Jake?! Where does he fit into this conversation? As far as you know all he did was bring you coffee.

“Why the hell would I do anything for Lieutenant Seresin?” You turn your tablet off and set it on the workbench to the side before turning around and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“Because you want him to get on one of the teams for the mission!” You can’t help the laugh that pours unbidden out of your mouth. That’s one of the most ridiculous things you’ve ever heard.

“Why would I give Jake an advantage that nobody else has?” Bradley just looks at you in shock, swallowing for several moments before turning and charging out the door, muttering “Well, that’s just great!” as he goes.

“The hell was that about, Tink?” You slump right into Jake’s arms, your exhaustion taking the forefront of all your energy as you shrug despondently.

“I dunno, Jake. His front landing gear isn't working and I put in a work order and parts requisition form for the replacement. I told Lieutenant Bradshaw he’s grounded until the maintenance crew is done. He asked me if I was doing this so you got on the mission.” Jake’s face is pinched as he brushes the stray tear off of your cheek.

“Why’re you so worked up over him all the time, huh, sweetheart?” His innocent question sends shame coiling in your gut,

“I-I… I think he’s my soulmate, Jake. I want him to like me so badly, but I think every time he sees me, he thinks badly of me.” You’re blinking back tears with each word. “I just want to be his, Jake. That’s all. I know he’s going on this mission. I just wanted him to be safe when he’s up there.” You sniffle before accepting the coffee. “I’m okay, Jake. I promise. Go fly, flyboy. Be safe?”

You barely catalog the kiss Jake presses against your brow or the flippant salute he gives you as he walks out of the hangar. Your thoughts are a disordered exhausted mess.

You recollect yourself slowly, and are back to normal by the time your team walks in bright and early for their eight o’clock call time. It’s the first stress test of the F-15 E's laser targeting and geo-tagging system at high altitude and the energy is high. Your entire team is strapped into the comms with monitoring equipment on a long table in front of you.

Admiral Mitchell’s call of “Fight’s on!” starts the exercise and you’re captivated by the screaming squeal of the engines as the jets wheel and turn like a flock of metallic birds. The sun streams hot on your head as you and your team feverishly run tests on the new systems. The first aviators up in the F-15Es are the Daggers’ Pilot/WSO pairs. Everything seems to be going well when Halo reports a dead-eye on the laser targeting system. You call for an immediate landing and your team immediately starts analyzing the data as you join them. Partway through, Lieutenant Green turns on the radio and soon enough you have a running commentary to what is happening up in the sky.

Everything is quiet for a quarter of an hour longer when you see a jet come roaring out of the maintenance hangar. You can’t believe what you’re seeing. Is that Lieutenant Bradshaw’s plane? Is he taking off? You know the maintenance crew hasn’t gotten to his plane yet because you’ve been on them about it all morning. You cram your headset back over your head and turn on your mic.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw?! What are you doing?” You know he can hear you, by the heavy breaths you can hear on the other end. But he’s choosing to ignore you.

“Your jet is still not fixed. It’s not safe for you to be up there. Lieutenant!” You’re spiraling into a panic attack. You’re responsible for all the planes up there in the sky today, and all of the pilots in them. Please let him not get hurt. Please.

All of your pleas seem to fall on deaf ears as he takes off anyways and his jet's marker joins the one dogfight team missing a plane. Your heart’s in your throat as you catalog every swooping move his jet makes. Everything seems to be fine and just as you exhale, you hear sirens blaring through the comms. It’s Bradley’s plane. You pull up the monitors on his plane and gasp at the sight of every warning light on board flashing in a discordant harmony.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw, decrease altitude, now!” You’re barking out the words even as the diagnostics show near catastrophic engine failure. The jet nosedives, and you join Maverick in screaming, pleading for him to eject.

“Ejection controls are locked up, Mav! I can’t do anything!” Your heart drops at those words. There’s nothing to be done, not by you on the ground or Admiral Mitchell up in the air.

You can hear the automated voice noting the altitude as it decreases too fast to be real. Then there’s silence. Far off in the distance, you hear a boom as the fuel left in the jet explodes. You feel numb as you shakily tug the headset off and stagger to a corner to throw up. A sharp pain’s taken residence where your heart used to be and the taste of bile clouds every sense. Your legs give out, and the last thing you see before you black out is your team’s shocked faces.

You wake to panicked whispering, the beeping of hospital equipment, and a teary Texan drawl.

“Sweetheart? Sweetheart!” He sounds frantic and his yelling draws the Doctor to you.

“Lieutenant Commander? Do you know who you are? Do you know where you are?” You answer the Doctor’s questions while rubbing at the wrist that is handcuffed to the bed.

“You fainted, Lieutenant Commander, when Lieutenant Bradshaw crashed. Do you know why that could be?” The Doctor sounds perfectly matter-of-fact, but you can’t help the shame you feel.

You can’t meet Jake’s eyes as you whisper, “I think he’s my soulmate, Doctor.”

The Doctor’s intake of breath is sharp as he pulls the nurse to the side and has a flurried conversation with her. You hear the words “soulmate” and “possible” and “bond sickness” but don’t get to hear anymore, because the next thing you know Admiral Simpson is glaring down at you in your hospital bed.

“Lieutenant Commander.” He softens his expression a touch, after a cough from Warlock. “What happened today, Tinkerbell? Can you tell me?”

You let it all spill, including the pain you felt when Lieutenant Bradshaw crashed, and vacantly catalog the emotions flying across Cyclone’s face. You still feel numb and emotionless, like a film is separating you from your emotions.

“Lieutenant Junior Grade Taylor saw you working on Lieutenant Bradshaw’s jet this morning at around 0500 hours. He also overheard an altercation you had with Lieutenant Bradshaw over the feasibility of him being able to fly today.”

You have this sick foreboding feeling in your chest at Admiral Simpson’s words.

“He believes you purposely sabotaged Lieutenant Bradshaw’s jet.” You can’t breathe. Holy shit you’re going to go to prison for severely injuring your soulmate if you don’t defend yourself.

“I…” You cough, your throat completely dry. The nurse spoons a few ice chips into your mouth and you let them soothe your throat before you try speaking again.

“I was examining Lieutenant Bradshaw’s jet this morning, that is correct, Admiral. I have a report from the maintenance crew on shift yesterday during training noting the failure of the front landing gear to fully deploy.”

“So I had the crew pull Lieutenant Bradshaw’s jet into the hangar. The altercation Lieutenant Junior Grade Taylor heard us having were solely because of the jet. Lieutenant Bradshaw wanted to know how soon it would be until he could fly again. I had to inform him that I couldn’t allow him to fly until his jet had been repaired and passed all flight readiness assessments - which I was well within my rights to do, sir. That is when Lieutenant Bradshaw accused me of favoring Lieutenant Seresin and sabotaging him so he would be grounded during today’s flight operations. I was quick to correct his assumption. The next time I saw him was when his jet roared out of the hangar and took off without my clearance.”

Your hands are shaky and your voice is thready and weak as you struggle to sit up in the hospital bed.

“I have the work order and part requisition on my tablet as well as the initial report from the maintenance crew.” It’s so obvious he doesn’t believe you, even as he pulls up the relevant reports on the tablet Jake hands him.

“I see …” Admiral Simpson looks like he’d rather chew nails than concede that you’re not at fault. The Doctor pulls him to the side to brief him on your condition but you know you’re not off the hook. Not yet.

“There will be a full investigation into this incident, Lieutenant Commander. In the meantime, I order you to take one month of mandatory leave. The Doctor suspects you have bond sickness. I’m sorry for assuming that your illness was due to guilt. I have full faith that the investigators will find you not culpable for Lieutenant Bradshaw’s injuries.” You can barely breath as the full weight of Admiral Simpson’s words hit you.

He may not think you’re culpable, but the Navy is notorious for rumor-mongering. Everyone in service will hear the rumors before long. No matter what the investigators find, you’re going to be accused of trying to hurt Bradley Bradshaw, well-known Navy legacy and well-liked man. You’ll forever be known as the girl who tried to kill, and maybe succeeded, in killing your soulmate. When you tune back into the hospital room around you, the admirals are gone and only the Doctor and nurse are left in the room.

The walls feel like they’re closing in, even as the Doctor tells you what bond sickness entails. You already feel the pain and exhaustion and weakness he mentions. Combined with the complete hopelessness coursing through your system, you can barely understand what he’s saying.

With your last bit of energy, you ask softly, “What’s Lieutenant Bradshaw’s condition?”

“His plane crashed at a fairly high speed and exploded when it made contact with the ground. He’s got some burning and a lot of broken bones. We’ve put him into a coma and are monitoring his condition closely. We can’t tell you anything else, I’m afraid. You’re not on his paperwork as his soulmate.” Your heart hits rock-bottom at the doctor’s words.

“He didn’t know before he went up. I suspected, but didn’t know for sure, not until I passed out.”

Jake wraps his arms around you as the doctor’s close the door to your room. Your sobs wrack your body and wet his uniform as you fall apart in his arms.

Taglist:

🛩️ @roosters-girl 🛩️ @infamous-reindeer 🛩️ @caitsymichelle13

🛩️ @mattyskies 🛩️ @cosmic-psychickitty 🛩️ @mygyn

🛩️ @julesclues 🛩️ @greenbaby12 🛩️ @bubblegumbeautyqueen

🛩️ @briseisgone 🛩️ @soulmates8

🛩️ @meganlpie 🛩️ @daphne-turner 🛩️ @captain-fandomwriter58

🛩️ @caidi-paris 🛩️@mazzbarnes 🛩️ @thedroneranger

🛩️@super-btstrash-posts 🛩️@eli2447 🛩️@chaoticassidy

🛩️ @kmc1989 🛩️@mayhemmanaged 🛩️@desert-fern

🛩️ @cassiemitchell 🛩️ @dakotakazansky 🛩️ @cherrycola27

🛩️@roosterforme 🛩️@beccaanne814 🛩️

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

[brighteststar707]

Heya! For the february prompt list, can I request Reluctantly with Saeran (GE)? Thank you 💕💕 and looking forward to all the fics!

Hi! Thank you for the request! I've been thinking about this combination for a while, trying to see how to fit it best. In the end, I decided to set it towards the end of Ray's route, after he wakes up from being cared for by Rika (forgive me if I got the timeline wrong somewhere 😅)

Happy early Valentine's day, and I hope you enjoy <3

Saeran loves reluctantly

One moment he’s unconscious, the next he’s acutely aware of a strange clearness in his head. He usually wakes up from sleeping with his head foggier than before, weighted down by the nightmares that always plague him.

The voices he is used to are silent, which is another tip off that something has changed. He has no memory of what happened before, just a strange feeling as if he should be remembering something.

He knows that he shouldn’t push himself to remember things his brain is trying to protect him from, so instead he tries to work backwards based on his surroundings. Perhaps grounding himself will help the memories come back by themselves.

It’s easier said than done, though. Without the usual fog weighing on his mind, there’s nothing slowing it down. It demands to get to the important things at once.

It's all he can do to force himself to slow down and take it step by step.

He can feel the sheets over his body, so he must be in bed. This in itself is unusual, he usually falls asleep at his desk. He opens his eyes slowly. The whole room is bathed in moonlight. It’s almost beautiful.

Even this revelation sets his mind off running again.

How long has he been out? What has happened to the RFA and all his work? Where are-

That question cuts off before it can finish. He suspects there is something there he shouldn't touch there. Small steps first.

There’s a damp cloth on his forehead. It must have once been cold, but now it’s lukewarm and slightly uncomfortable.

It’s surprising how long it takes for him to notice the weight on his hand and the dip in the bed. Someone is resting their head on the bed, holding his hand. By the sound of their breathing, they’re sleeping.

Very slowly, he turns his head to look at them. He’s not sure who he was expecting, but he’s surprised to find Rika taking care of him how strange, it's her name, not her title that comes to mind first). She doesn’t often spend time with him like this unless he has done something bad. It’s nice to be taken care of.

Or, perhaps, she’s just making sure he doesn’t leave.

The cynicism surprises him. Then again, he can’t figure out who he’s supposed to be right now. He isn’t even sure which name he’d rather be called at the moment.

It doesn’t really matter as long as it’s….

You.

Something cracks and the memories he was avoiding all come back to him at once.

Youyouyou. Where are you? Are you upset with him? Have you eaten yet? How long have you been alone for?

His head starts to pound. No wonder the memory of you was kept away from him for so long.

The voices he was searching for before start talking – both at once – and it’s hard to make sense of what they’re saying at first.

There’s Ray, heartbroken and pleading, full of concern for you. You've been alone, unprotected for who knows how long. What if someone else got to you? What if you have been cleansed?

And then Saeran speaks up, his voice sharp and biting, even against himself. You’re dangerous. Your actions threatened to crush him completely, and he shouldn’t be so weak as to trust Ray.

He feels like the point where the ocean meets a river. Salty and sweet, warm and cold bleeding together in a turbulent rush. He is neither and both all at once.

It's a strange feeling, to be the outside observer to his own memories. It means that even though they’re interrupting each other, he understands what they’re trying to tell him. All of their feelings are his too.

They continue to argue. He can feel Saeran's fear, his anger. If they were smart, he says, they should hope that you've been disposed of.

Ray cries out at that. He reminds them of the warmth you brought, of the smile on your face every time you saw him. How can that be dangerous? All you did was show him kindness.

Back and forth they go, and his head spins. He tries to break it down into more manageable pieces - simple statements. How he feels about you dictates his next moves, and he knows he has to tread carefully.

He misses you.

You're dangerous.

He doesn't want to leave you.

You care for him.

Maybe if there wasn't anyone to hurt him for his weaknesses, he could allow himself to be weak. It's not too bad, if you protect him.

He's scared, but he knows that the truth is right there, the last big secret that was kept in the dark from him.

He loves you, whether he wants to or not.

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Usually wait until I have two chapters but who cares? Break week upcoming and I have feelings about this chapter. Starting with the easiest, nonspoilery one. Not a huge deal, but said something about it last time. The idea that Egghead might be the same island Oden met Toki, which has a lot of cool potential implications. It’s not the signature spotted rafflesia flowers that’d make it obvious, but this shot does show the similar trees we already noted this time with the right type of coconut-looking fruit. So one more point.

There’s some amazing stuff going on in this chapter from the angle we’ve been looking at. Luffy straight-up taunting Lucci so blatantly Zoro’s spelling it out. A certain redhead knocking around with less cool alternate versions of Luffy & Makino. That whole segment offers a lot obviously, but let’s go ahead and wait for 1077 to do em in pairs like we have been. I want to think on it and see our next step, but this chapter pulled the neat little trick of dangling something I was juuuust starting to seriously wonder about. This time, I only want to offer a plausible answer on the table to that finicky question; isn’t it past time to give it up? What on Earth could justify a newbie hanging out in the ship this whole time?

Aww, Shanks has a doofy Grand Fleet who decided they were his underlings too...

This was honestly on the short list of ideas from the start, hell I might have even mentioned the base logic before Wano ended, it’s a layup if you’re pitching an opening for a Quartermaster. Either way, at least back when we were just saying hey...arc could theoretically fit this rough sketch and build around a twist. We’ve done well sticking to that even if it was kinda vague. Vegapunk got the lore dump out of the way early and now this is devolving into chaos all while we’re keeping some of those big cards like X Drake back and still nailing the right themes.

Drifting away though, our goal at the moment is to lay out a hypothetical for how where we’re at on Egghead could be resolved through a quiet new addition working behind the scenes unbeknownst to us the readers. It’s the Fleet. Got 100 Marine ships in bound? Scary, sounds like a good use for Luffy’s ~70 backup ships. You just have to get Kizaru away from them, and him leaping into the fray on Egghead early is the perfect moment to turn the tables. Unfavorable, but not insurmountable odds at a perfect rate to justify the upset through smart command. Especially when you have guys like Orlumbus and Sai who can be your seasoned field marshals familiar with naval combat, it’s really a perfect stage for a Quartermaster who’s bringing social/speech skills. Less naval tactics, more balancing the egos. “Now Cabbage-kun...I’d expect a star to know the value of waiting a little to build tension.”

We have this big Chekov’s Gun loaded, look at what’s possible. Think taking a Gorosei hostage would count as historic proportions? The beauty is how it all just...flows. Luffy’s vivre card probably was going haywire over the past few weeks. Say they trusted Luffy and let it smolder from being thrown in Udon, but when it snuffed out and popped back for the Awakening or whatever decided they should probably move in. That’d give almost two weeks to get in the area, especially with the three days post-Wano. What if they’ve been trying to constantly call for a while now? Snails pick it up as they’re leaving Wano...there you go, that’s a perfectly fine excuse for someone new who gets the value of numbers spending a lot of time for a few days in the hold coordinating. It’s a great way to rapidly get up to speed on the wider world and could end up keeping a bit of mystery on the enemy end. You could even spin it into a killer Tokyo Rose-type vibe.

I feel like that type of propagandist, something like Gen in Dr. Stone, plays absurdly nice with what we’re seeing floating around this story. Don’t tell me it wouldn’t suit that little drama queen more than swinging a sword.

[subbyfoxelf]

my favorite queer relationships in media

this was another patreon-exclusive post that i'm posting here now because i'm not on patreon anymore. this one was a belated pride month post from july of 2022 where i listed my favorite queer relationships in media. i would probably list some of these in a different order today, but i'm just gonna share the post in its original form. enjoy!

what up, gay nerds!

today i’ll be talking about my favorite queer relationships in media. we’re talking couples, we’re talking throuples, we’re talking polycules, and we’re also talking non-romantic queer chosen family. this is obviously a topic that’s very near and dear to my heart, so i’m super excited to talk about it!

also, because of the relative dearth of queer relationships in mainstream media, i’m also going to talk about characters i ship. this will be in a separate section, though, so let’s start with the main event.

my favorite canon queer relationships

14. piper/alex (orange is the new black)

i’ve only seen the first few seasons, but yeah, at the time having actual gay relationships on a tv show i was watching was such a blessed relief.

there’s a line early in i think season 2? where piper and alex are being all domestic together and piper says, “this is so nice, and so gay!” and it more or less sums how i felt about the whole thing.

13. david/keith (six feet under)

six feet under is a very slice of life show, and the romantic relationships it depicts are accordingly presented with an aching realism. david and keith have their issues but they deal with them responsibly, engaging in couples counseling and doing their best to get better.

it’s a very healthy portrayal and it doesn’t seem like the show is going for brownie points or anything, they’re both just valued characters whose stories the show wanted to tell.

12. lady tohru/kobayashi (miss kobayashi’s dragon maid)

this would be higher, but tohru and kobayashi have never really been the main draw for me? i’m hella into the family vibes between the two of them and their adopted child kanna. kanna is just a gloriously adorable child and she’s so sweet and her family is so good and argh. feelings!

the show (and presumably the manga it’s based on) is so well-written, though. they always put kobayashi in a position to just be the sweetest butch mom and it’s so freaking good.

11. violet/allie (her story)

this was rather by the numbers, i get it, but seeing a trans girl in a healthy lesbian relationship helping escape from her abusive boyfriend was super life-affirming to me for… reasons.

actually, just seeing another trans person on screen was so what i needed at that exact moment in time, it actually helped light a fire under me to get started on hrt.

10. ivanova/talia (babylon 5)

literally the only thing holding this back from being higher on the list is that thanks to 90s homophobia it had to be largely implied, and that it ended tragically.

in her last appearance on the show, talia slept with ivanova, and in a later episode when everyone on the crew has to tell a deep, personal secret ivanova says that she loved talia. so it’s more than you might expect given the limits it had to work within. and ivanova is my favorite character on the whole show and always has been, so yeah, this meant a lot to me.

9. nomi/amanita (sense8)

the joy of seeing actual transgender people on screen in a mainstream streaming series directed by two trans people is matched only by the joy of that trans character getting absolutely railed by the best/prettiest doctor who companion with a strap-on in her first scene. fuck yeah.

and then their whole first arc is about nomi’s bodily autonomy being threatened and amanita coming to her rescue and she rescues her in the most emotionally satisfying scene ever and oh my gosh you guys it’s so good.

8. dev/lee (out of position) & volle/xiller (argaea)

at my first furry convention i discovered that there was a thriving small industry publishing specifically furry books. we’re not talking zines here (though those are also awesome in their own right), we’re talking novels, anthologies, short story collections, etc.

at the time i was still hella into sports, so i was immediately drawn to one that had a buff tiger in a football uniform hoisting a fox femboy onto his shoulder with one arm. ironically at the time i was a tiger (though certainly not the dumb jock musclegod dev is), and today i’m a fox femboy? funny how things work out.

anyway, turns out the author of that book is one of the most prolific (and definitely the most popular) furry writers, and i actually liked his argaea series even better than the football nerd one. argaea is set in a fanciful renaissance-ish world and full of palace intrigue and mystery and kidnappings and whatnot. very fun stuff there.

7. baz/simon (simon snow)

there’s been a harry potter-shaped hole in my heart for years now, so when i heard about this series i was immediately in.

the way magic works in this certainly doesn’t really square with how i think about it, but it’s definitely a creative approach. and i super approve of how these books handle the enemies-to-lovers romance of the two dumb gay boys, as well as how it depicts one of them having crippling depression and how they navigate the relationship difficulties this often results in. extremely good stuff here.

(also i’m almost done with the last book and i’m pretty sure there’s a couple of useless lesbians happening!!! exciting!!! there’s also one het couple in the last book if you’re into that kinda thing.)

6. galo/lio (promare)

what if we were a dumbass himbo and a powerful femboy and did an enemies to lovers thing to become an incredible anime power couple and just kicked all of the ass. all of it. what if that?

5. harley quinn/poison ivy (dc comics)

honestly the only reason this isn’t higher on the list is because i’ve seen very little of their actually in a relationship stuff, and that’s a me problem that i really need to fix asap. but i’ve shipped them forever, basically ever since that animated series episode. you know the one. so when i heard they were canon i squeed so loudly.

4. luz/amity (the owl house)

the owl house feels like it was made specifically for me. this show also saw the harry potter-shaped hole in my life and came along and was like “okay but what if we made something drastically better and more imaginative instead and also basically everyone was gay?” and uh, yeah! obviously!!

so obviously it’s being canceled because some dumbass homophobic executive had a problem with it and omfg disney is the fucking worst. can they please just stop.

but yeah i’m so glad kids get to grow up with stuff like this and she-ra and etc, but also i’m so glad i get to watch it too okay? witchy gay bullshit is entirely my jam.

but yeah amity and luz are the sweetest useless lesbians and i love how flustered they get around each other despite having no problem having badass magic fights and just ugh they’re so good i love them so much.

i also want to give a shout-out to lesbian wine aunt eda and her ex-enbyfriend/hopefully-soon-to-be-ex-ex-enbyfriend raine, i’m really rooting for them!!!

3. adora/catra (she-ra)

no big deal just the main hero and main villain of a science fantasy swashbuckling magical girls show who swordfight like literally all the time and are super blatantly gay for each other the whole time and have emotional turmoil over each other and constantly try to assert their dominance over each other.

also there’s a prom scene in the first season where the villain shows up in a messy tux and dances with the hero girl while verbally needling her and dips her really low and it’s so gay and i’m so jealous because i want a villain like that to be all homoerotic with.

and then in the last season of the show catra finally switches sides and apologizes to adora and then adora comes and rescues her and she has this badass transformation scene and it’s one of my favorite scenes in television history and ugh i am so gay and in the last episode they kiss and confess their feelings for each other and fuck i love these two and this show.

there’s also another canon lesbian relationship between netossa and spinnerella, and the series creator said rogelio, kyle, and lonnie are a polycule! and they’re all such good boys and one of them is a really hot lizard boy and aaaaaaa.

2. basically every relationship (dragon moms)

so uh yeah one of my partners is an author and basically all of her characters are queer (with a few exceptions) and a lot of them are trans or nonbinary and i love her writing so much, if you have similar tastes to me you’ll probably like it too. everything is just very emotionally satisfying and character-driven and just… she’s the best, guys. i’d be a fan of her writing even if i weren’t dating her.

anyway her most popular and probably best work is dragon moms which she serialized online but also published as an ebook with extra content and it’s so good and so gay and yeah, she also has a lot of other short stories and stuff on her website and a few other ebooks available and i unreservedly recommend anything she’s written she’s so good.

1. star trek: discovery’s queer chosen family

i’ve gushed about them a bunch in my discovery reviews so there really shouldn’t be any surprise here, but yeah. when lieutenant stamets and dr. culber were shown as a couple in season 1 of discovery it belatedly fulfilled an almost 31-year-old promise by gene rodenberry. in season 3 of the show, they also introduced gray (a trans guy) and adira (an enby) and made them gay for each other on top of that, and i love them so much, i would die for them. and on top of that they all came together as a surrogate family with stamets and culber just being amazing surrogate space dads and jet reno popping in every now and then as their weird butch lesbian aunt and i am so, so glad i lived long enough to see star trek get this gay, guys!!

while i’m talking about star trek i do want to mention that i didn’t forget about seven and rafi, and i do love them, but i don’t love that them getting together basically happened off screen? like they get plenty of screentime in season 2 but that was in full figuring their shit out mode and idk i just don’t like that all we got for them becoming a couple was them holding hands at the end of season 1 like it feels like you skipped the whole romantic part of their relationship and that kinda sucks?

queer relationships i ship

(cw: some of these characters will have canon age gaps and/or are minors in some canons, just assume there's an element of au-ification here. cool? cool.)

14. finn/poe (star wars)

look i don’t care about star wars anymore but wow how could you not make these guys gay come on.

13. bella/alice (twilight)

again i don’t really care but especially in the movies alice is literally the only person that seems right for bella like seriously their relationship is so much better than her relationship with either of the two boys.

12. kota ibushi/kenny omega (professional wrestling)

to be super clear this is very much about their characters, not them as a people, i don’t ship real people that’s creepy.

their characters have this amazing wrestling love story and i just want it to be even more explicitly gay than it already is, but also it’s already kinda explicitly gay??? and that’s amazing.

11. femshep/jack (mass effect 2) & pc/kaliyo (star wars: the old republic)

this one is moreso about two times bioware queerbaited me, like i met both of these characters while playing female characters and was immediately like “wow okay they are totally lesbian doms like you can tell me they’re bi and i’ll believe you” but i was just so sure they had to be romanceable for my female characters and then i found out they weren’t? and in both cases i was just like, what the fuck guys, this is cultural appropriation.

10. riker/worf (star trek: the next generation)

this started out as a joke but i’m kind of firmly committed to it at this point. there is at least as much reason to think that riker and worf are hooking up on the regular as there is that riker and deanna are, and riker and deanna got married later sooooo…

9. georgiou/burnham (star trek: discovery)

i mean, burnham has more feelings about georgiou than she does about any of her actual on-screen romantic partners, whether it’s for her gentle mommy domme prime universe georgiou or her badass mean domme mirror universe georgiou.

8. dick grayson/jason todd (dc universe)

i literally wrote fanfiction about these two when i read nightwing: year one and jason kept bratting the fuck out of dick to the point where dick literally tied him up.

jason is a bratty power bottom and dick is a service top. i will not be accepting questions or feedback at this time.

7. garak/bashir (star trek: deep space nine)

i don’t even give a shit about bashir when he isn’t interacting with garak. he might as well be a non-character.

i fucking love garak he is such an amazing bratty dom. i love watching him play with his food (his food being bashir).

6. legolas/gimli/aragorn (lord of the rings)

it’s that thing where you take a very homosocial book and add expanded roles for some of its female characters to make it less homosocial but you change exactly nothing about how emotionally intimate the homosocial relationships are and y’know whoops they’re clearly gay now, we decided.

5. bruce/clark (dc universe)

how is this not canon? there is so much blatant textual support for it, holy shit, look at literally any interaction they’ve ever had with each other.

4. neo/trin (the matrix)

yeah they’re on-screen canon, i just mean i headcanon both of them as enbies. so like. they aren’t actually queer in their portrayal onscreen (but like, come on, this is the gayest “straight” couple ever), but they are in my headcanon? if that makes sense.

3. tim drake/jon kent (dc universe)

yeah, they both have boyfriends who aren’t each other, but tell me you didn’t immediately think about these two cute superhero boys kissing the second you heard they were both openly bi. i don’t believe you.

2. flick/cj (animal crossing)

i actually questioned whether to put this as a canon relationship considering that the game frequently seems to stop just short of saying it and i’m reasonably certain that the creative team considers them an item. but i’ll leave it under this section because they don’t just come right out and say it. 

1. sonic/tails/knuckles/shadow

i mean, this is a pretty obvious one right? i mean okay polycule shipping is pretty rare, but like, sontails is obviously correct and sonshad is obviously correct and sonknux is obviously correct and knuxtails is obviously correct and shadtails is obviously correct and i’ll grant you there isn’t as much on-screen evidence for knuxshads but still just put it all together and there you go. like i said. obvious.

please don’t ship sonamy it’s so creepy she’s literally a stalker it’s not okay. i mean do what you want but i’m judging you. my favorite interpretation of amy’s feelings btw is a comic i saw on twitter once where amy is coming out as a lesbian and she apologizes to sonic for being all weird and overcompensating by being over the top into him and he’s super understanding because he’s gay and he gets it and idk it just feels so real and good to me.

anyway, yeah! happy belated pride! i love gays and being gay.

[thevirgodoll]

Hi... So, I just feel quite lonely lately. Most of my friends barely talk to me if they ever do at all. I made a new friend but honestly I don't think we'll be very close... We aren't very similar. I tend to stress out over this but it seems I should make new friends. The issue is that I'm probably autistic and struggle with making new friends, too.

Do you have any advice? :>

It might just have to do with self esteem or thinking I'm too boring...

Sorry for the dumping 🤍

This will be long because friendships are so very important to me… I feel like this generation has the hardest time building a community and blame themselves.

While I’m also neurodivergent and understand this struggle completely, you have to stop shitting on yourself for that while you’re ahead. Internalized ableism is not fun and makes life significantly harder. (/s).

This may sound rude but I promise you most people do not care. People are inherently selfish and do not think of you so harshly the way you think of yourself. Most people are too concerned with themselves and their own reality to analyze your traits negatively the way you’re doing right now. Those types of people are very rare and not worth listening to anyway. /gen

I mean, this is why I post what I do. See how you’re doubting yourself? This is why building a narrative based on your inner critic is unhealthy. This is also why some people genuinely think they don’t deserve friends or it’s impossible to make them because they truly think in their heart that they are unworthy. This is you at the moment and it breaks my heart because I used to be you and sometimes I fall short because making friends is really difficult. /gen

You need to speak to your old friends about how they behave. Either it’s not personal and y’all need to establish boundaries or it is personal and they’re not cut out to be your friend. I find that as we get older establishing wants and needs for friendships is difficult because we expect them to already know like in the early stages of high school. This is something I remind myself daily even at my age. /gen

But if you already have tried to have that convo regarding your boundaries for your friends to no avail, then it’s time to let them go…you’re meant to outgrow people and some people are only here for a season and won’t make it through the storms. You have to learn that anyone who feels this way is missing out. /s

And you have to remind yourself that making friends shouldn’t be so serious. People put so many expectations on someone that will more than likely be an acquaintance. Everyone will not be your friend…most people will be incapable. Some people are just good for going to the club, some people are good for emotional support. Stop putting regular people under the friends category because most of the time they won’t live up to that and you’ll be disappointed. /s

Plus…if someone will become a true friend, you have to give them the chance because friendship trauma can only be resolved by new friendships.

Even with differences, for people that prove that they can go the distance and appreciate the differences y’all may have in personality, they’re crucial to keep. You may never know how you and this new person can teach each other and cultivate new skills that the other doesn’t have through the lack of similarities.

You have to make a list of wants and needs in a friend and decide this year how you want to move forward. Stop doubting yourself…remember that’s not what we do here.

I’m sure you’re a sweet person because you made it here on my blog and everyone here is genuinely an Angel. You are brave enough to be introspective. Going inwards instead of projecting it onto others shows your character…but sometimes that introspection can lead you astray and think you’re the problem because of how self aware you are. /gen

Don’t change the core who you are just to get someone to appreciate it because that’s how people lose themselves in everyone else and never recover. Sending you a virtual hug. Don’t let your heart be troubled!!! Good things are on its way. /gen

Now let’s get you dolled back up because you are a hot stankin’ mess for thinking this way. Come on now, you are wasting time hating yourself and crying and life is passing you by. Let’s wake up and be fr beloved. Don’t make me take your Dollhouse key away. /j /hj /nsrs

[matt-lifesage]

Matt’s 2022 Visual Novel Tier List

We're counting down/ranking all the visual novel's I read in 2022!

C-Tier:

Melty Blood

TATARI is a fantastic concept, and Sion’s a really fun new character to throw in with the Tsukihime cast, but the actual storytelling was more often than not really really boring. The comedy route was nice, but most of the game’s a slog to get through since all the different paths are very samey.

It didn’t help that I knew the gist of the story from reading the manga adaptation several years back. After rereading the manga again after going through the game, it’s a very solid adaptation and my preferred version of the story (though, I don’t think Act 2’s adaptation of the comedy route works nearly as well).

B-Tier:

Kagetsu Tohya

I ended up enjoying this more than I expected, though I'll admit that I don’t remember too much of the main story outside of the major beats with Len, who’s great. Type-Moon would execute this premise much stronger with Hollow Ataraxia a couple years later, but I don’t think you can write this game off because of that.

The Ten Nights of Dreams stories were the highlight for me. With two or so exceptions, they’re fantastic side stories, easily my favorite part of the experience.

First Snow

A nice little lesbian college romance. It’s free so it’s easy to recommend. Short, not very complicated, and as a standalone prequel/demo for the devs' upcoming game, it does a good job. I’m looking forward to Twofold.

A-Tier:

Tsukihime [reread]

I reread the Near Side routes back in 2021 before Remake dropped, then early this year I finished the Far Side. I really fell in love with it going through the second time, especially Kohaku’s route.

(now please localize the remake, Aniplex. In a perfect world you’d translate that AND the original, but give me the new one at least it looks so so so good i really wanna read it)

Higurashi Question Arcs

Fantastic horror, I can’t recommend it enough. Chapter 1 is free so go download it. It’s so worth getting into this eight-game series disguised as one or two games depending on who you ask (just save yourself some time, skip the character arc, and just switch to the original sprites right away).

It might have landed itself higher on the list if my experience reading the first two chapters hadn’t been plagued by half-remembered spoilers from watching the anime over a decade ago. It proved that barely-remembered spoilers can be worse than well-remembered spoilers because a whole backburner of my brain was stuck trying to figure out how that corrupted data fit into what I was reading instead of appreciating the storytelling. Kinda frustrating, but not the game’s fault. Thankfully it wasn’t an issue Chapter 3 onward (what a great chapter omg).

Queen Beast

Queen Beast! Queen Beast! Please read it! It’s so fun and charming and good. It’s under five hours, you can easily read it in one or two sittings. And It’s impossibly free-to-play. Just a delightful fantasy adventure about a young man rescuing his sister from a mysterious knight riding a dragon known for abducting women with big boobies. Some of the most fun I had with a VN all year. I’m probably going to reread it soon, honestly.

I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out for anything Envelope does in the future.

Did I mention it’s free and I'm very annoyed I can’t find any way to give the folks who made it some money? Very rude of them to not let me praise their incredible work with cash. But whatevs, maybe next time.

S-Tier:

So I read too many great VN’s this year, so the top tier is PACKED. The ranking for everything (with the exception of first place) shifts based on my mood, so this is ordered by my current feeling/the order I felt like talking about them. Consider it a four-way tie for second place.

Higurashi Answer Arcs

You wanna cry? You wanna cry a whole lot? Do I have the visual novel for you! Again! 'cause the second half is even better.

If Higurashi’s first half is a fantastic horror series, its Answer Arcs continues that while becoming an undisputed masterpiece. The way the story explodes from a small town potentially supernatural horror story to a (spoilers!) complex 1980’s political conspiracy thriller without ever losing its focus on the characters or its heart is applause-worthy.

Please Be Happy

And the award for biggest surprise of the year goes to PBH! It was a solid B-tier, maybe even A, until one of the routes it splits off into caught me in an emotional headlock it still refuses to release me from. A very solid slice-of-life comfy urban fantasy romance that ended up meaning a whole lot more to me than I could have expected.

Full Metal Daemon Muramasa

Motherfuckinggoddamnfuckyeah Full Metal Daemon Muramasa fuck yeah let’s fucking go hell yeah fuck yeah.

Welp, if that wasn't one of the best things I’ve had the honor of reading, I don’t know what is. Fuuuuck!

I went into this one blind. I didn’t even know the premise. I wanted to read some grimdark outside of my at the time comfort zone and it paid off. I’m so glad I gave this one a chance.

Witch on the Holy Night

I genuinely cannot believe this was as good as I’d hyped myself for six years into hoping it was. Easily my personal go-to recommendation for anyone wanting to get into Type-Moon. Some of the most impressive spectacle and presentation I’ve ever seen in a visual novel (and that says a lot considering it's the same year I read FMDM). Arguably some of Nasu’s best character work, the relationship between the three main characters and the supporting cast is masterful. It even has a surprising amount of optional bonus content that stands very well alongside the phenomenal main story. Hopefully, it starts a trend of Type-Moon’s backlog being released in English.

And the uncontested best visual novel I read in 2022 is…

Umineko Answer Arcs

I read this back in April, and I knew as soon as I finished that it would be the best thing I read all year. No contest. And that opinion wasn’t shaken once.

An incredible loving dissection of the mystery genre. The word that kept coming to mind while I was reading it was “confidence.” I can’t think of another story so brazen. I can only begin to imagine how nerve-wracking it was writing a mystery this large a scale, one that gleefully points out the rules and means to criticize itself, commenting on the genre, challenging the characters and audience to find fault with it, the balance between setting up the reveals while hiding them in plain sight... Reading Umineko is watching a writer full-speed sprint across a tightrope, and Ryukishi07 pulls it off with absurd grace.

Do yourself a favor, love yourself, and get into When They Cry.

[llycaons]

ep6: oh shit, there’s women in this show!

the fact that nhs knocks with a secret code. lmao

every single time I see this scene I have the same thought and its ‘jc tells wwx to stop being gay for alcohol’ because that’s what wwx is doing here metaphorically

I LOVE when they’re all scrambling here and wwx crosses his legs and fixes his hair

mind-control talisman must be insanely powerful to work on lwj so it must have some kind of constraints, like it’s not a total mind control, the subject has to be caught off-guard, etc. I like to think wwx realized how unethical it was after this and destroyed it but it’s a very strong magic spell to just drop and never mention again (LIKE TIME-STOPPING)

cut-sleeve? is this an intentional nod? it seems deliberate enough. is wwx in-universe testing the waters? he seems to think lwj is straight later on

THIS SHOT. SO CUTE

how he says wife...

I think lwj def knows he’s gay he’s just resigned to being alone for life because he can’t fathom being allowed to marry anyone but a woman and he doesn’t want to do that obviously. also he’s isolated bc of the autism and reputation... god, this scene is so sad

I didn’t realize this happened so early in the series! it’s so cute!

wcz is wearing jiang purple

this kid is SO well cast, he looks so similar to wwx esp around the eyes

lwj’s posture is killing me he is so fucking funny drunk

this set is SO pretty

this scene REALLY jumped out to me on my first watch - wwx sees lwj not bend and is determined to match him. not to be outdone

HE IMMEDIATELY STARTS PLAYING UP HIS WOUNDS WHEN THEY MEET WITH LXC. god wwx is such a delight

aww, lxc. nobody else would talk about him to his mother. this is so kind bc obviously it means a lot to him

actually I think wwx is perfectly within his rights to be annoyed that lqr treats him differently based on something his mom did. come on, lxc!

SHOE FLYING AWAY. THERE IT GOES. LOVE THAT MOMENT

at this point I think wwx has a crush but he also just wants to be friends so if lwj isn’t interested in him that way (and at this point he def thinks lwj is straight)  he still wants to hang out. I don’t think he expects his feelings to be very strong and in fact, in the future I read him as avoidant and scared of his feelings precisely because they’re more powerful than he knows what to do with. but for now it’s just a crush that he thinks he’s okay with not going anywhere as long as they get to hang out

lwj’s hair is so pretty here. this shot of wwx does make me laugh

hm. this means nothing to me. they’re not at a point yet where it means anything to them either and it was done just to protect wwx so *shrug*

wwx sheepishly getting off the ancestral table and then makinh gestures to dust it off is so fucking funny he has so much personality and charm

ik this is supposed to be a romantic moment but the guy looks so head empty. nothing going on behind those eyes. what do they brits say? gormless? he’s gormless

that post like ‘he becomes excited and deferential at the sight of a lesbian’ very true.

lwj doesn’t interact with many women throughout the show but he’s always very polite to them. probably still misogynistic, as every man is in this series is, but arguably less so than wwx (calls jl a mistress to demean him) and jc (has that stupid list of ideal wife qualities, genuinely tried to marry wq away from her family). he clearly respects ly a lot as his elder and I would love to have seen more interactions between him and other women.

heyyy demon subdue palace

ly being the only female leader of a very conservative and patriarchal sect is so fascinating honestly. would love to see more of her

also the rabbits with headbands might be dumb, but I think they’re cute

every single thing ly says also applies to wwx. the show hitting you over the head with parallels: DO YOU SEE HOW WWX AND LAN YI ARE SIMILAR. DO YOU SEE IT?!

I fucking love parallels. they made those women lesbians together

personal highlights:

lwj slouched over when drunk

wwx playing up his wounds when they see lxc

that shoe flying into the pond

wwx making a show of dusting off the table he was sitting on

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 29, 2004 FedEx found us with no problem. In fact, they found us early while Tom was out getting the mail.

Valentine’s winner emailed Tom saying she sent the payment on Friday, but we’ll see.

As for Haiku, Tom thinks she shipped this last Friday the 27th, and not Friday the 20th which was when I got the tracking link. He says that people can have UPS print labels and send emails before packages are even sent, so I’m wondering if Ricki did that to make me think she was sent out last Friday because she knew I was getting antsy for her, and is ignoring me because she knows she shipped her this last Friday. Either way, I better get the doll or a refund.

Anyway, I got the supplies as I said, and of course they had to fuck up and I had to play email with Bob. I know everyone makes mistakes, though, and it was a simple matter to resolve. They left the grape oil out and I asked if it was on backorder or what. Bob emailed me back saying Jeff had been busy at the site and that he was expecting it in a week. He asked if I wanted credit or for him to keep it on file to put towards my next order. I asked that he ship it when he gets it and he agreed to do so.

Meanwhile, I spent nearly 10 hours going through the 5000 big sticks, pulling the bad ones which amounted to a few hundred which I dipped for myself. I have those and my 500 minis soaking. I soaked $30 worth of retail stuff for next to nothing. I use the minis as timers for when I bounce. They burn a half hour and I do two half-hour bounces a day. They’re also good for in the car when we go by all those smelly cows.

The burners are so-so. The wire pop-ups don’t come with a base of any kind. You have to put it on a plate or something. It’s not something I really care for. Some of the colorful clear acrylic burners are rather dull. Especially the browns and yellows. The greens and blues are ok, but the bright orange sure is nice. I’m keeping one for myself. The only problem is that they’re poorly made. The hole is too low on the slanted part which means some of the ash bounces off because the tip of the stick is too high. Tom’s taking care of that, though, but drilling a second hole higher up the slant, and at an angle that’ll lower the stick closer to where the ash is supposed to fall.

Incredibly, the mini sticks are slightly too long for the mini stick bags. Why oh why are people so stupid, I wonder? Can they ever do anything right? At least they only cost a couple of bucks. I’m sure we can use them for other things anyway.

I got the hang of making the stuff now. I’ve found that it’s easiest to toss the sticks in a Ziploc bag and soak them that way. Then when I go to dry them, I cut off the top of a 2-liter soda bottle that’s clean and dry and I dry them in that.

Meanwhile, tomorrow we’re going to list a couple of variety packs with burners included, to see how they do.

As for our other stuff, it’s not doing too well. The dolls and flags have no bids, but the lamps and hat do, so at least we’re getting something, along with whatever his ancient laptop goes for.

I lost a couple of pounds, so I’ve got just a few more to go. Maybe I’ll do that for as long as I can; diet down to 127, eat my way back up to the low 130s, and go back and forth like that. I’d prefer to diet to 100, even 115, and stay there too, but that’s just the dream of a 38-year-old packed with heavy muscle and a dead metabolism.

I was pleased to get mail saying they want to publish yet another Little Buddy picture! When I signed up as Lin S, I submitted a picture of him licking ice cream off a spoon. I used my real name when I submitted it.

We discussed Tom’s plan on how to go and what to do, even though we don’t yet know where we’re going. The plan is to sell the car and the furniture. Then we’ll buy a small trailer, one even smaller than Dennis’, so we won’t have to stay in hotels, and we’ll rent a storage container for our stuff.

The first thing we’ll do when we get moved is install the septic tank, the water tank, and the solar panels/batteries to generate our own electricity. Then we’ll build a shed and put up the internet dish. After that, we’ll build a bathroom and a temporary bedroom so I no longer have to sleep in the trailer. He thinks we can get this done in 2-3 weeks. Once the main house is built, the bedroom will become a workroom, and hopefully, we’ll install some form of fences along the way as well.

Whatever we do, I just want to get it done!

Later…

The renters are getting on my nerves right now. They’re idling a loud truck, the kids are screaming bloody murder, and their dogs are running around on our land as if they own it. I just hope to hell those damn dogs don’t interfere with the showing of the house! The people are no doubt going to walk about on the land and if they come running up to them, who knows how they may take it? Since 99% of the people here get dogs just to toss them outside 24/7, I’m hoping they won’t be that 1% that either keeps their dogs indoors or doesn’t have dogs at all. The worst thing that could happen would be a sonic boom when the people are inside the house, but that’s a lot less likely than these beasts getting in the way.

The truck just left, but I’m sure it’ll come and go 2-3 more times before they pack it in for the night. It makes me wonder where they go so often. We live 30 miles from the nearest city, so why would a person come and go so often in a town like this?

Anyway, Tom’s still checking out land everywhere except for the eastern part of the country where the humidity levels are higher. We even saw an appealing 8-acre parcel in Oregon. The forest is so thick there that if we have noisy neighbors who are always home, and I know we will, it won’t matter. Wherever we go, I’m sure we won’t be next to the nice quiet older couple that if they do have a dog, it’s inside most of the time, and who doesn’t come and go 5 or more times a day. No, we’ll be next to the home-all-the-time and very rowdy Brady Bunch with their 3 outdoor-only dogs and who knows what in the way of music and vehicle noise/activity.

Now I’m down to 129. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. It’s so, so easy to go from 132 to 127. As easy as it is for me to gain weight. So why in the world do I just stop losing at 127 no matter what I do? Because something up there wants me to? I’ll be 127 no later than Wednesday.

Still nothing from Ricki. So she either lied about when she shipped the doll or she did ship it on the 20th and just doesn’t want to deal with tracing it. I hope it’s just a case of her bullshitting rather than the package being lost or given to the wrong person.

Still nothing from Paula either. Not even a quick “thanks, I got the stuff.” She’s no doubt busy getting off on getting her ass beat, then running to admire her bruises in the mirror.

Another doom vibe comes true. That back right tire on the car I sensed blowing out blew today, though it was the back left tire. Close enough.

Later…

The renters are back. From the looks of it, they went to get hay for the horse. The next few trips out will probably be for water.

Later…

We ended up doing pretty well after all when it got down to the last few minutes, but that’s not too surprising, I guess. That is when all the action happens. The competition over the hat was fierce. It ended up going to someone in Colorado. The only thing of mine that didn’t sell was the flags. The dolls are going to the same person in the Bay Area, the desk lamp is going to someone in Minnesota, and the disco light is going to someone in Massachusetts of all places, but at least they all live in the US! We’re getting a total of $44 for all this stuff, and except for the disco light that I won with tickets at Game Works, it all only cost us $15 since everything else but Meagan was given to us, which is about what our profit will be after eBay gets their cut and the postage is paid. Still, $15 to pack and ship these unwanted things to others who do want them, versus leaving them here for nothing, is worth it enough to me.

His horseracing game and laptop still have a few days to go, and while the game has no bids, the laptop’s up to $47!

Tonight, on a 7-day listing, we put up 2 decorative plates his mom gave us (I guess next will be the ones I stole) and 3 incense samplers. Each sampler will include an acrylic burner and a 10-pack of 4 different fragrances. We started those at $1.50. One has a blue burner, one has a green one, and one has a brown one.

Anyway, we really didn’t think the dolls were going to sell. It wasn’t till the very last minute that that person bid on them.

Tomorrow should be a fun day for mail. Dalene’s set to arrive, plus the blue Fairytopia Barbie should be at the PO. I don’t know for sure about Barbie, but it’s exciting to know that at around 6 AM, about when I crash, Dalene will be loaded onto a truck bound for Casa Grande where she’ll then be loaded onto the delivery truck! Though she wasn’t a top priority doll-wise, I have wanted her for nearly a year and a half now.

We’re going to wait till we’re moved to order molds.

They seem to boom in spurts where they boom for a few days, then it’s quiet for a few days, and back and forth. Hopefully, I’ll sleep ok till I’m back on days for what I guess will be the last time in this house. Of course, that’s what I thought before, so who knows what other delays may lie ahead? I know we’ll move sometime this year!

I guess tomorrow’s the day my 23 100-packs get shipped out, according to what Bob told me, and I really hope they don’t fuck up and send me 22 packs or 23 packs with one of them being the wrong fragrance!

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 2004 The desk lamp has a bid on it and Tom won $15 on a Slingo, so that’s good, but what’s not good is that Ricki took the rest of the money for Haiku, and I’m like, yo woman, I haven’t received the damn doll! It better get here today like Tom says he’s sure it will. If not, I want the money back. I’m sick of this doll chase!

Houdini must’ve possessed Little Guy last night because he finally broke out. I found him playing in my office. I tanked him overnight, but now he’s back in the wire cage with the plastic roof on to block the widest area which is where I’m pretty sure he got loose. If he gets loose again, though, I’ll just toss him back in the tank till he gets bigger.

Someone emailed Tom last night saying they live in Gilbert, wanting to know if they could pick up the laptop if they win it. Tom told them they could. They’ll probably arrange to meet at Harrah’s if they win.

I could hear someone’s music from the north end of the house, but couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Probably the renters. There was someone home there, though there pretty much always is.

Now that I ate my way back up to 132, I’ll diet back down to 127. See, if I kept eating 2000 calories a day, I’d easily gain 100 pounds in a year!

Later…

Our ghost is getting antsy for us to leave, so not only did the place reek of death, but while I was listening to music, it began playing volume games. My stereo’s volume is set in 2-decibel increments. Well, I suddenly noticed a song got a little softer and saw it had dropped to 24 all by itself from 20. I bumped it back up to 20, and it magically went back down to 24 again. I don’t have to be an electronics expert to know it can’t do that on its own or on account of any mechanical problem.

Amazon Books emailed me saying that 2 of the 3 books I listed didn’t sell, so I threw them in the sell-it-or-leave-it pile we have in the living room.

Not surprisingly, I still haven’t received Haiku. I’m so beyond being fed up with this doll delivery curse that’s been on me ever since I started collecting, and I’m very, very seriously considering hanging it up. Tom says not to worry and that he’ll call Ricki Monday and that we’ll get either the doll or our money back, reminding me that it’s her responsibility to get her here.

I know it is, so then why is it that I’ve been the one having to fight for her for a month now? Why is it always up to me to email or call people to get them to do their damn jobs? I’m so fucking sick of having to correct other people’s mistakes and do their work for them! I wonder if I should even get the mannequin when the time comes. I mean, would they get it to me? I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal for people to put things in the mail and just mail them off!

Ricki took the money for it last night, so somebody fucked up somewhere be it her or UPS. The damn doll could be anywhere, and who knows if it’s traceable? Maybe she had the printing label done up on the 20th but didn’t ship the doll till today. I checked her email, and from what I read, she was talking about sending it on Friday the 20th, not this Friday. And I don’t like how she’s ignoring my email. All I know is that I’m not ordering any more dolls. I’ll get them in person or I won’t get them at all. I don’t want them with the mail games included in the price. Meanwhile, until the delivery curse hits other things, other things are what I’ll get, but not till we’re moved and settled.

The winner of Valentine still hasn’t sent us the cashier’s check for her, so come Monday, assuming nothing arrives tomorrow, Tom’s going to let her know that we’re not going to play mail games with her either and that the doll will go to the runner-up. I didn’t want this one to win in the first place because she had negative feedback. You’re not supposed to bid if you do, but people don’t know how to read. That’s why the camera is on its way to France.

So far we’re not doing so well this time around with our eBay listings. Perhaps that’s why we won the $15.

There is some good news in the midst of these doll headaches and that’s that both my supplies and Dalene are in Phoenix. I didn’t think there’d be a problem with Dalene. She’s plastic, after all. What sucks is that UPS doesn’t do Saturday deliveries, so she’ll have to sit there till Monday. The supplies, on the other hand, should be here tomorrow.

More good news is that the complete second season of Charlie’s Angels (with Cheryl Ladd and not Farrah) is due out in April! I was hoping it would be, and I’m also hoping that eventually, all the episodes with Kate will be out. I’d much rather buy them than play hit or miss with a DVD recorder once we get one. I’m glad I wasn’t Kate’s co-star. What torture it would’ve been if I couldn’t have had her! It’s too bad Jaclyn Smith isn’t my favorite angel. She was the only one who remained on the series throughout its 5-year run. I’d be surprised if they put out any DVDs after Kate left the show and Shelly Hack and Tanya Roberts hit the scene as its ratings plummeted from there. Anyway, this set will make a total of 49 episodes, and I believe she was in about 87, so I’ll be a little over halfway there. I made Tom watch some with me earlier and I told him I’d watch some of his favorites with him if he wants.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2004 Haiku’s tracking site never updated, yet because they never changed the delivery date listed, I’m still hoping she’ll be here today. Tom said it’d make them look really stupid if there was a delay and they didn’t update the delivery date, but people are too stupid to care just how stupid they look, so I’ll just hope for the best. All I know is that I’m getting really sick and tired of fighting for porcelain dolls. A person shouldn’t have to work to get dolls delivered to their door once they’ve been paid for. This is supposed to be the shipper’s responsibility. I shouldn’t have to call this person and email that person asking where the damn thing is, yet tomorrow, for the last time, I’ll call Ricki if I don’t get her today. If it turns out for some reason that she still has her, I’m going to tell her to keep her and refund my money. I’m not going to fight for a doll I’m not meant to have. I hate to have to deprive myself of any more porcelain dolls, but if Haiku doesn’t arrive today, I’m going to order all vinyls. For some reason, they don’t seem to have a problem getting to me. Not yet anyway. I might do Ashton, but I’ll have to do without Alexa, Sweet 16 Bailey, and dolls like that if there’s always going to be a problem getting them.

Tom says another possibility is that Ricki screwed up the shipping label and so they redid it with a different tracking number, and since you can’t trace packages by name, I can’t know this for sure.

Another thing that’s strange is that Ricki never took the rest of the money for her, but Tom says that may be simply because she’s waiting on delivery confirmation.

This will be it as far as Maricopa purchases go. We may be here another couple of months, but still, we don’t want anything cutting it too close.

There’s this gorgeous 40-acre parcel of land in northern Nevada that’s way remote. It gave me good vibes just from seeing shots of it on the computer screen. It might be good to make myself wrong about the White Mountains and get out of Arizona altogether. In Nevada, we can do internet gambling and I can get fruit trees shipped there if I want them. Plus, they don’t tend to play favoritism when it comes to non-whites, and I doubt they hate Jews and gays as much and have such ridiculous laws.

The good thing is that Bob sent me a tracking number and when I traced my package, I found that FedEx does Saturday deliveries, unlike UPS. They’re cheaper too, so as long as they can find us without always having to be led in by the hand, I just may like them better. Their tracking site is easier to navigate as well.

Last night Tom listed an old laptop and a horseracing game. The computer’s already up to $16 and he hopes to get a lot more than that come Sunday. Of my stuff, the hat’s got a bid on it.

I totally love my new Little Guy. Usually, it takes days to really bond with a new pet, yet if anything happened to him right now I’m sure I’d go to tears. He likes us better than the other rats, though today I saw him playing with one of them for the first time. I think he’ll like being in a huge wire cage with roommates better than being all alone in a small glass tank. Besides, he eats well here. I’m sure the store doesn’t give him the variety of food he gets here.

Although Little Fella’s still hanging in there, I don’t think I can keep him going much longer. He’s just too old. I’d be awfully surprised if he made it out of here with us.

We have this game we play where I walk up to the cage and he jumps up to the roof for me to open it and take him out. I think he’d literally jump up into my arms if he could! He loves to be held. Most rats tend to be fidgety in a person’s arms, even if they feel comfortable with them because they’re such animated creatures. This one’s got just as much spunk as any other young rat, yet he often parks himself either on my shoulder or under my ponytail at the nape of my neck and just sits there for a while.

Later…

Sure enough, Haiku never came, so I went and emailed Ricki and once again we’re playing the where-is-it? game. I’ve already deleted the names of other dolls from my list that I was going to get from her once we got moved and settled. They’re just not worth fighting for. Meanwhile, I hope I get the $27 she already took for it if no one’s going to deliver it to me.

I also think it was dumb of me to order from them just because they’re cheap. Discount prices usually mean discount service.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2004 Tom’s painting right now so I thought I’d write.

Little Guy is such a sweetie. He sure is quick and nimble, too. He’s very calm, yet full of spunk. He loves to be handled and he jumps up at me when I walk by the cage.

I sculpted a mini stick burner last night, then colored it with permanent markers that won’t wash off. It’s the best burner yet if I do say so myself. The problem with most ash catchers is that they don’t have a dip in the center that’s long enough to catch all the ashes, so the ashes from the top of the stick tend to roll off. I also made the part that curves upward where you insert the stick stand up straighter so that the stick sticks pretty much straight out and closer to where the ashes fall. That way they won’t bounce off the edges. It’s a very sturdy and sure ash catcher.

I hope that the fact that I haven’t gotten a shipment notice from Bob doesn’t mean that the first order hasn’t been shipped yet. They’ve never taken longer than two weeks before, so maybe, just maybe, it’ll get delivered today. I don’t sense it, though.

Dalene went from Palatine, IL to Hodgkins, IL, then she departed from there at 7:00 this morning.

We all struggle in life and I know there’s no way around it, but God needs to ease up on us. He really does. Our struggles have been way too extreme. I mean, how often do people get thrown in jail for something they shouldn’t be thrown in jail for? And how often do people lose their house? I could keep going back in time and adding more extremities to the list, but I won’t. I just wish God would give us a break and give us more ordinary struggles to deal with. I’m also sick of the one thing after another bullshit. I wasn’t even done with the freeloaders and off probation much more than a month before Tom got shit on and fired. And this transition is taking forever! We know we lost the house, we’ve known it for months now (especially me), so it’s like, can we just quit with the delays and get on with it already? It’s like, just let us get moved even if it’s to a dump of a house or even an RV! I just want to get moved and stay there for at least 15 years if not forever. And I’d like a few months in between problems, too. Problems that are a little less off the wall.

Anyway, I still sense we’re going to the White Mountains and I still sense the $135,000, but I’m no longer sure of April with the way we had to stop and play form. A delay like this could bump it up a month or even two, but I guess I still sense we’ll be out of here in April. It just might be late April.

Later…

No wonder I didn’t sense a delivery today. Bob emailed me just now saying it’s going out today.

Anyway, I did some Barbie research and found that even the people selling the blue fairy on eBay say it’s very hard to find, so I ordered one for $16.99 + free shipping from New Jersey. Why that one’s so obsolete beats me, but it doesn’t seem that Walmart or K-Mart are going to carry it anytime soon.

Counting all the Barbies I’ve kept, along with friends of hers, I’ll have a total of 29 once the blue fairy arrives.

Still no update on Haiku, yet it still says she’s on for tomorrow’s delivery. Tom said he once tracked a package that didn’t update until the evening before the day it arrived. I’m going to be getting rather worried if there’s no update this evening. Why is it always the porcelain dolls that are so hard to get? I don’t have nearly the trouble I have with them when it comes to getting vinyl dolls.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2004 We listed more items a little while ago, but by the time we got done with the 6 items I wanted to list, he was too tired to list his things, so he’ll list them Thursday and do 3-day listings. My stuff will end on Sunday evening just like last time. I’ve got the Autumn and Meagan dolls listed, 2 flags, a desk lamp, the revolving party light, and a sequined baseball cap. Tom had to edit it because he wrote sequenced instead of sequined.

I woke up miserably tired yesterday so I decided again to say to hell with my schedule for now while there’s nothing much going on. If I’m on nights when the house is on the market; they call before stopping by, so he can get me up when we get called. Last night I slept the 12 hours I knew I needed to sleep and didn’t get up till just before noon.

Although yesterday started off with me being tired, it was still a good day. We mailed Alex and Eve off to New York first. I believe they’re going to a store owner who’s going to resell them. Today Tom mailed the camera to France, and we haven’t yet received the cashier’s check from Michigan, so Valentine hasn’t been shipped yet. I think she’ll be going to a collector.

We zipped over to Casa Grande from the PO and checked out a few craft shops, but they didn’t have what I wanted, so we went to both Walmart and K-Mart. Walmart had a few figurines to paint, but I wasn’t impressed with them, so I got glitter paint and sculpting clay instead.

At K-Mart, I got the pregnant Midge doll who wears heels so high that I’m sure no pregnant woman would ever wear. Not that high anyway. You probably wouldn’t have your hair so long if you were pregnant either, and of course, her stomach gets perfectly flat when you remove the “womb” which isn’t very realistic. After childbirth, you have too much stretched-out flesh to get your stomach all that flat. Even I know that without ever having a kid, though a few women come close every now and then. Still, it’s a cute doll and adds variety to my collection. I even decided that since I’m getting to be more and more of a Barbie collector, I’d make a chart like my porcelain and fashion doll chart, and so I did. It took quite a while to create as I had to sift through journals to find out when I got who.

Because of all the controversy over the pregnant Midge doll, she’s starting to be pulled off the shelves. Tom said he heard the controversy was over people not wanting anything sexual related to a child’s toy which makes no sense. If this is really the case, then no dolls of any kind should exist as we all got here by sex. I heard it was over sending a message saying that family is the only suitable lifestyle. Either way, it’s true that they preach certain lifestyles too much, suggesting other ones aren’t good. It’s okay to have family this and career that but what about being single? How about being gay? And why not be single with kids? I think it’s horrible how in today’s world a pregnant woman is as scoffed at as a working woman of the 60s was. Everyone’s an individual, and as long as they’re not harming others they should be able to live their lives as they see fit and everyone else should stay out of it and mind their own damn business.

Our last stop was at Pick-A-Pet. We wanted to get a younger rat for Baldilocks to play with and so we did. He’s a cutie. I liked him right away and he seemed to do the same with me. He’s of a solid color which isn’t quite white nor is it tan. It’s like a soft cream color. Since we’ve had Little Buddy and Little Fella, I’m calling this one Little Guy. They had him alone in the store for a couple of weeks to be segregated from the rowdier rats. When the girl there picked him up, he seemed eager to be handled and didn’t run and cower in the corner of his small glass cage (we could tell he’d never climbed a wire cage before when we got him home).

The girl there also told us of these people who not only let their rats run around loose, but they sleep with them, too! I don’t see how even the heaviest of sleepers could do that. If they sleep at night, that’s when the rats are most active.

Once we got him home he was a little intimidated by the others but is getting used to them. He’s capable of escaping if he really wants to, but he hasn’t. However, he sure does love to explore when I let them out. Tom and I play with them together at times and I was amazed at how far he ventured away from home. Normally they start out little by little, getting further away with time. Unlike his roommates, he just may end up crossing the kitchen.

Anyway, it had stormed before we left. Then, right after we got back in it poured like hell, partially filling the washes.

I surprised myself by sculpting a rat and in no time at all, too! Then I baked him up firm and painted him with the 6 different colors I got of the glitter paint. Not a bad first try. I always had the feeling I could sculpt, though I don’t expect to take it that seriously and be sculpting dolls. I don’t care to do it bad enough to get that good. I’d rather concentrate on other things like painting/selling figurines. Since we can’t find a good selection in person, we’ll probably order concrete/cement/plaster molds from an eBay store with the sale money from this latest listing. There are some flowers, mermaids, angels, rabbits and Indians I like.

Haiku’s tracking never updated, but neither did her delivery date, so I’m going to assume she’s somewhere in Texas right now, will hit Phoenix tomorrow, then here the next day. Can’t wait!

Meanwhile, Dalene’s getting ready to leave Illinois and will be here Monday, March 1st!

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2004 Yesterday was a lot of fun! Yes, life really does improve with age. We talked, laughed and joked along the way about all kinds of things. Despite Tom’s faults, and we all have them, there’s definitely no one else like him in the world. Guess I wouldn’t be coming up on a decade of marriage if there was.

We were talking about what we’d do if we were suddenly the only people in the world. I’d want to live on the beach in California. We’d both want to raid the stores worse than the blacks did when they had to carry on like spoiled little children over the Rodney King verdict (though I always agreed those white pigs were guilty). Tom pointed out that it’d be hard not to be tempted to do things that were dangerous, like flying big jets. That would be tempting, alright.

Anyway, we headed out at 9:30 in search of yard sales. As I told Tom would be the case, there were very few because we were looking for them. It’s when you’re not looking that you find these things. We did make several stops, though, and we got a lot for our money. There were only two yard sales. The first stop was at a church rummage sale. I was kind of glad not to find anything there of interest as I didn’t exactly like the idea of our money going to a church.

We drove through the area closer to the mountain that’s gorgeous with tons of saguaros and that was also too expensive for us. I was bummed to have gotten such dull land, but now I’m glad we did or else that’d be two things that’d be hard to give up. Giving up the house will be hard enough.

Once we felt we’d gone far enough and decided to turn back, we passed a scummy-looking cock trying to hitch a ride. I told Tom he should’ve teased the sucker and turned around right after we passed him, making him think we were stopping to pick him up. He laughed at that one.

Then we were nearly run off the road by some cock who passed us on a single-lane road. Right as we turned onto a double-lane road and I told Tom to run and jump on top of him and tailgate the sucker and that there were no pigs around, one passed us heading the opposite way. Fortunately, though, the pig didn’t stop and turn around to chase us because we were 6-7 miles overboard. Meanwhile, Tom scared the cock off, cuz pig around or not, he went flying down the road like the devil was chasing him. It was pretty funny.

We discussed the possibility of having a street name at the new place, and Tom said that although he thinks we will, maybe we’ll get to name it. That’s when I said, “How about Don’t Fuck with Me Lane?”

He said, “That’s something you’d name it, alright. I like Incense Lane.”

I said, “Yeah, or Angel Lane since Angel is my favorite fragrance and a nice name as well.”

After we stopped at the Stanfield Circle K, we zipped across the street to another yard sale, but found nothing there, either. They just had one Barbie in which one of the women there was bragging about it being from the 60s which was precisely why I didn’t want it. I’m a modern doll collector.

The next stop was at a gift shop in Casa Grande. They had a lot of cute knickknacks, but nothing that really jumped out at me, so then we went to Eckard’s drugstore where I found an adorable figurine. Actually, it’s pretty big compared to most, so I’d say it’s more like a statuette. It was unfinished with just a coat of flesh tone as it was meant to be an outdoor decoration. It’s a little girl with ponytails kneeling on the ground, legs tucked under her, holding a bubble. The plastic bubble really looks just like a bubble, too. There’s a wicker basket by her side, too. I knew right away I didn’t want to throw her outside with the dogs and for the birds to poop on her, so I picked up kid’s washable paints at K-Mart and a set of brushes. I named her Katrina after a character in my current best seller, so to speak. I painted her hair yellow-blond, the bows in her hair purple, and her dress pink with blue and green accents. I did her nails in pink and her eyes blue. Doing the eyes and eyelashes was the hardest. I did orange dots for earrings and made the basket blue with orange around the top. The basket would be good for flowers, coins and other little things. Right now I have a few packs of gum in it. She’s on brown dirt with clumps of green grass. I wish the brown was lighter, but the paint kit came with all darker browns. She was definitely worth the $13, plus the few bucks the paints and brushes cost. She’s a good size and would be 16” high if she could stand.

This brought us to another possible selling idea. Since it’s only $10 a month to open an eBay store, we might add painted figurines that I paint to sell along with the incense. It’s fun to do, and tomorrow we’re going to check out some craft stores in Casa Grande. Maybe we’ll get some molds.

Because of the new Walmart, K-Mart was near dead. We had to wait forever at the register, though. The only other things I got there were a set of 7 scented shower gels and a silver glitter barrette to replace the purple glitter barrette I just lost that I’d had for a million years. Must’ve had it since I was somewhere between 15-20.

The only other stop we made was at a dollar store. I don’t know why they say they’re a dollar store when half the things in it are more than a dollar. For $2, I got a thick bushel of long brown hair attached to a hair clip. This way if I want to go long without having the hassles of having to wash and brush it till my own hair gets long again, I can use this. It’s similar to the one I had back east that was on a banana clip. A few more gray hairs, though, and it won’t look right.

Yesterday was Lin S’ birthday yet Memolink didn’t give her the 50 points they gave Jodi, so they must either know who Lin S really is or quit giving out birthday points.

I ordered 23 100-packs a little while ago. I’ll be looking forward to that, along with the dolls and supplies.

Today we’re doing the usual Sunday things – laundry, trash burning, and Tom’s edging in the bathroom. I draped an old sheet over the rat’s cage just in case it was the paint fumes that made LF ill.

Later…

The 4 items we sold tonight did pretty well. I paid a total of $80 for the 3 dolls I sold and made back a little more than half of that, not counting shipping. Alex and Eve sold to the same person in New York for $14.55 and $21.50, Valentine sold to someone in Michigan for $5.50, and his camera sold to some idiot in France for $8. He’ll have to let the stupid shit know that we specifically said we’d only ship within the US and that if they really want the damn thing, they’ll have to foot the postage.

He got an email while he was out burning from someone in Australia asking if they could bid on one of the dolls, but by the time he got around to checking his mail, the auction had ended.

He says he’s willing to be flexible if they’ll pay the postage, but I’m like, as flexible as France? I don’t know if that’s worth the time and trouble.

Next week I’ll be listing 12” Autumn and 16” Meagan, but not 22” Amelia. She’d be too much shipping, so I’ll either yard sale her or keep her. Whatever’s meant to be. I’m also going to list those 2 lamps and 2 flags. He’ll have half a dozen things to list, too. Oh, and we’re going to relist 5 of the 6 plates as well. We want to research one of them further as it could be worth a lot of money.

Anyway, for the first time in ages, I feel like I’m working at something I enjoy, and for once, for once, I’m getting paid for my work, so that’s nice. Doing things for nothing is okay every so often, but when that becomes all you do for so many years, you start wishing you could get a little something for all your time and effort.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2004 That’s 3 days in a row they boomed by, so I’m glad I decided to stay on days. I let myself sleep in till 9:00 yesterday to get the 10 hours of sleep I knew I needed. Today, though, I got up at 8:00 and tomorrow I’ll get up at 7:00. That’ll give me a couple of hours to wake up before we go scout out the local yard sales to see if we can find anything good to sell on eBay. I can’t wait! I’m totally looking forward to it. Maybe I’ll find something good for me, too. This selling frenzy we’ve been on is fun!

When I got up this morning I was afraid I’d get no email pertaining to Haiku and an email saying that Dalene, who we finally got around to ordering last night, was out of stock. However, there’s a pending transaction to take the money for Dalene, and UPS sent me the tracking number for Haiku! Finally, she’s on her way! She and Dalene are both coming via UPS and may arrive on the same day.

Alex has 5 bids and is up to $8, Eve has 5 bids and is up to $10.06, and Valentine has 4 bids and is up to $5.50.

I got a letter from Mary. She’s been doing well. She mentioned the doll pictures I sent, but not my stories. I hope she got them and just forgot to mention it.

She said she hasn’t felt like working on the book, though she did enclose a letter for Maria for me to translate which I had fun doing.

Another month and she’ll have been there a whole year. By now she must’ve had to put up with a million cell changes and other changes as well as new rules. Nothing ever seems to stay the same for long in jail, prison or on probation.

It’s still looking like we’ll end up in the White Mountain area and we’ll probably leave here in an RV or trailer of some kind and then buy the land, rather than buy it first. We want to scout it out and for me to use my vibes to focus in on if there’s any evil lurking about a particular piece of land or not.

Her cousins are sending her money which is good, since she’s so disgusted with Carolyn, not that I can blame her. If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times – the best thing she could do would be to walk away from her family forever. Maybe even Adam if he’s still associating with her mom as he may try to pressure her into contacting her. Sometimes we really gotta wipe the slate clean like that, but most importantly, she’d be ridding herself of people who have used and abused her in just about every way possible. No one can make her walk away from her family, particularly her mother, Carolyn, Rick and Derek, but I can’t stress enough just how much better off I think she’d be. Take it from someone who put up with 31 years of abuse from her parents, aunts, uncles, brother and sister, I told her, then finally mustered up the courage and self-respect it took to pull back and see them for the people they really truly are. Once she does that and once she asks herself if they’re her type, she can be rid of them and move on. I understand she’s young and it’s a difficult thing to do at her age. When people told me I shouldn’t have anything to do with people like my family who could do the things they’ve done to me when I was younger, I just couldn’t imagine having the strength to let go. After all, our family is all we’ve known and so it’s not an easy thing to do when we’re young. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she did end up cutting them off in the future and wished she’d done so years ago. It takes guts, and the more she sees her family for what they are, and the more she grows and gets stronger, the easier it will be to let go of the bad and move on to the good. I told her not to let anyone try to tell her that dumping her family is cold. They wouldn’t be so quick to say that if it was a lover that was abusive, would they? People put too much stock in biology, but as far as I’m concerned, biology is no excuse for even a fraction of the things her family’s done to her, nor what mine have done to me.

I don’t understand why her case is taking so long. Why don’t they just get the trial over, give Monster his sentence, give her hers, then move on? I mean, what’s the big deal? Why the multi-year holdup? Those snipers who shot up a zillion people a year or two ago are already tried/convicted.

Come to think of it, I wonder if the February “win” vibes were really all about the swap meet and eBay, and perhaps I just assumed they were about tickets cuz I didn’t know we’d be doing that for sure this month.

Anyway, we don’t know yet how we’re going, where we’re going, and what we’re going to live in till the house is built. We may live in an old single-wide or an RV. We may sell the car and go up in either a U-Haul or a trailer that we’ll pull the truck with, or get rid of so much stuff that we can fit it all in just the car and truck, though I doubt that one.

I wonder if people let their dogs run loose in the White Mountains as well. It wouldn’t surprise me if they did. It just doesn’t seem customary for Arizonans to take their dogs indoors unless they’re Miss Perfect.

I just made myself up a bundle of butter rum incense. It felt so good to be able to do that too, and just make my own!

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2004 No Mary mail today. I’m still waiting to hear her review of my books, but she doesn’t usually write unless she has drafts to enclose, which means she probably hasn’t been in the mood to do drafts. I know now that her aunt does have my number, so if something were wrong, really wrong, I’d get a call. Or, as I should put it, a message, since I don’t usually answer my phone. I don’t always hear it ringing either, depending on where I am and what I’m doing.

In the midst of the happy, productive feeling I’ve had what with working and getting paid for my work, there is some sorrow mixed in, for my Little Fella’s dying. Since he doesn’t appear to be suffering, I’m trying to put spells on him to prolong his life for as long as possible. If he were suffering, I wouldn’t do it. That’d be selfish and cruel.

Tom listed an old camera he has from the late 30s and I listed Valentine. Later he’ll go through the sheds to see what old junk he has in there he can sell.

I told him getting tickets is a waste of time because of all the selling we’ve been doing. Because of that, we’re going to be compensated with losing tickets, I told him, but he’s been getting them anyway cuz it’s fun for him.

I told him to beware of a tire blowing on one of the vehicles. Sure enough, he said one on the car started leaking.

Later…

Little Fella’s still hanging in there, and the spell I put on Tom to protect him from spiders and scorpions so he could safely rummage through the sheds seemed to work well. He always runs into them in the sheds.

I’ve been having a blast running around the house looking for things to sell while we’re on this successful selling streak. All things we don’t want, naturally. When the shipment of supplies arrives, we’ll probably put together a variety pack of sorts, both with and without burners, to sell on eBay, too. They sell tons of incense on eBay, though, so I don’t know for sure if we’ll do this. It seems you can sell just about anything on eBay.

Since Valentine also got a bid, I think maybe next Tuesday I’ll list Amelia, Autumn and Meagan. Tuesdays are good for beginning 5-day listings. As we’ve learned, prime time on eBay is in the evenings, especially on weekends so we want our auctions to end then. I’ll also try selling the two remaining flags I have, a cap decorated with sequins, the crystal lamp and the revolving disco light.

I don’t know if it means anything, but it hit me that we may not be punished for moving in the way we were for moving here because of how we’re being forced out. We were forced out of Phoenix too, but not in the way we’re being forced out of here. Where we end up, though, could be a punishment in itself, so we’ll just have to wait and see. All I know is that something wanted Tom out of the bank and us out of this house. Somewhere within the next 45-90 days, we should know why.

Later…

Oh no, I won’t be letting my schedule go. Not with the thunderous booms I just heard. I hate feeling controlled like this! Sleep is one department I haven’t been able to lift the curse from, but because I don’t have to get up 5 days a week in order to make a living, I doubt I ever will. I figured it was something up there’s way of compensating me with the fact that I don’t have to work. Still, I wish people would leave my fucking sleep alone. If it isn’t neighbors waking me up, it’s something else.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2004 It seems we’ve traded in booms for shots. Yeah, they’re shooting up a storm out there. I don’t know why, but they’re shooting every day from sunrise to sunset like last year.

He started my Imprisoned Love story yesterday and said he didn’t like the start of it, saying it seemed too busy and almost like I was in a hurry to get through it. Yeah, there’s a lot of action crammed into not so many pages.

Meanwhile, the story I’m working on now may end up taking forever. Especially if I’m unable to work on it for a while.

I’m surprised and pleased to report that both dolls have bids on them. Eve’s had 27 views and Alex has had 24. Maybe the sell curse is off! With their sale money, I’ll probably buy some more dipped 100-packs. It’d take 23 scents to cover the $50 minimum, so I think I’ll get baby powder, black Henry, black magic, black narcissus, booty call, butt naked, bump & grind, cedar, fast cash, hot love, jasmine, magnolia, majmua, morning mist, patchouli, puddy cat, strawberry musk, strawberry vanilla, sun moon stars, sweet musk, vanilla melon, white diamonds & white linen.

We’ve been discussing the various alternatives as far as what to do until we’re in the house. We may even rent an RV instead of getting a cheap old single-wide. That way we won’t have to play hotel while we’re waiting for the dump to be set up. The septic in particular can cause enough of a delay. Or maybe we’ll rent a drivable moving van. For just a little over $200, we found that we could get a drivable van that’ll hold furniture from a 4-bedroom house, and use it to pull the truck. We’d then sell the car and the old green truck.

However we’re going, wherever we’re going, I just want to get it over with!

We agree that it’d be best to build the house in modules. Why wait till it’s all complete when we can start with a bedroom and a bathroom and use it right away?

I hope Haiku gets shipped out this week without any more delays! I think that if there are any more problems I’m going to tell her to forget it and to refund the part of the money she’s already taken.

Later…

We’re really turning the tables as far as our luck and old curses go! Not only was I astonished to get a check from Netflip for the $23.90 they owed me, but also, Eve’s now up to $10.06. Still down to $1.25 on Alex, but she’s black, so that’s probably why.

Tonight I plan to list the 14” Valentine fairy on a 5-day listing, starting at a buck. Porcelains aren’t in demand like vinyl is, so I don’t know if she’ll sell. If she doesn’t, I’ll try to sell her at the tag sale. If that doesn’t work, then I guess she was meant to stay with me as I won’t be leaving her behind in the house.

He worked on the bathroom while I worked on the retreat earlier. I got almost half of it done.

Calling a realtor tomorrow as we planned is going to be delayed a week or two. Tom sent the bank a letter a week ago telling them that we plan to sell. He then planned to give it till today to see if he heard back from them about it, saying he had to go through certain procedures. Sure enough, there’s this form they want him to fill out before it can be listed. In the meantime, I’ll probably let my schedule go for a while.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 2004 Today we’re painting and getting the house presentable for the realtor who he’s going to call in two days. I’m not just worried that the realtor and or potential buyers will try to fuck us over because there are evil, greedy people everywhere and because we’re cursed with that, but I worry about Tom’s Mr. Nice Guy appearance/attitude. I really believe that’s part of why so many people have taken advantage of him. He doesn’t need to be a monster, but if I were seeking someone to screw over, just a few minutes of talking with him and I’d get the impression big time that I could walk all over him and that he wouldn’t fight back. So hopefully he won’t come off as too nice this time around. Better to be a bitch and scare people off than to be so nice that you end up being a magnet for trouble.

The 16” vinyl Alex and Eve dolls were listed last night at a buck with no reserve. Tom thinks they’ll sell, but I have my doubts. Anyway, we’ll find out next Sunday. They’ve had 10 views so far.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 2004 Oh, those damn freeloaders and the headaches they put us through! And damn the colorblind idiots who call this paint soft pink when it’s really a cross between off-white and light peach. It’s a lovely color - don’t get me wrong - it’s just that it’s going to take two coats to cover the blue tulip design in the bathroom, and that room’s no doubt going to be hard enough on Tom with all he has to paint around. He even has to paint around the mirror because the damn thing’s glued on because they couldn’t line the screws up with the studs. He says it’ll be easy enough to scrape off any paint he gets on it, though, once it’s dry.

I’m going to be doing most of the retreat myself, but now that we know the pink doesn’t cover well because of how light it is, it’ll be done in blue.

Wednesday’s the day he decided to call the realtor. Tomorrow, President’s Day, I’ll do a basic cleaning to have it presentable for showing. I’ll keep it clean enough on the surface till it’s sold, then I won’t worry about it afterward. If I could survive all the cleaning I had to do when we moved in here, I’m sure the newcomers can handle putting forth a little elbow grease of their own. It’s not like it’ll be trashed, though. Actually, it’ll be cleaner than most people would leave it. I can just imagine the condition someone like Miss Perfect would leave her house in if she sold it, not that she ever would.

I’m sunburned and drained today, but won’t let myself take a nap as that’d foul up my schedule. It’s now at the point where I’ll need to be on a schedule till we’re settled in Dan’s dive. Tom thinks that’ll be 8 weeks from now, but I know that things usually take longer than expected, so I’m considering it to be 12-16.

I’m going to try to muster up the energy to work on my story since I may have to be without my computer for a couple of months or more. Hand-writing journals is one thing, but hand-writing stories is the worst way to go, I think, because of all the changes you make along the way. Therefore, I’d recommend those with computers who like to write stories use that. Even a typewriter hardly seems suitable to me. I was shocked when Mary told me that Stephen King supposedly hand-writes his stories before he types them up. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do that.

I’m not going to worry about my weight till we’re settled in the new place. Then I’ll decide whether or not to try to maintain it or allow myself to gain whatever, since losing isn’t really an option. When we were at the swap meet I looked around at all the people and thought, no wonder they say the average American is overweight. Very few were thin, and of course, most who were thin were mostly under 30.

We opted not to return to the swap meet today because of our sunburns and because we figured the same people would be there since it’s such a small town.

Tom thinks the buyers will want a home inspection done here as well, and I was like, on a 4-year-old house? But he says it’s not just to see that the house is structurally sound, but to get a warranty, and that basically everyone has it done.

I wasn’t going to do this, figuring that it’s not the buyer’s fault that someone had to fuck us over and cause us to lose the house, even if we are ready to go, but they’re still invaders as far as I’m concerned, that’ll be living in my house. Therefore a curse is in order. I shall hex the people’s lives who move in here. Again, I know it’s not their fault, but hey, lots of things happen to us that we didn’t ask for. I shall damn them with illness, depression, and financial woes.

I asked Tom and he assured me we can’t lose the house once it’s built because we’ll own it outright. Therefore, no one could possibly have a hold on it in any way or start a chain reaction that ultimately causes us to end up losing it. This was comforting to know because if there’s one thing in life I’ve learned it’s that if there’s a way for people to control your fate, they will. They may not always have those exact intentions and they may be affecting it in an indirect kind of way, but still, if they can seal your fate in the slightest of ways, they will. This doesn’t mean we’re totally exempt from someone burning it down, but I think that’s a lot less unlikely as opposed to other events that could cause us to lose it.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2004 After 5 hours at the swap meet, we did astonishingly well. We made $185! Just the old Nintendo alone was $40 and we sold half of the CDs so that was like $75 more right there. One guy, like me, was a huge Linda Ronstadt fan and bought 8 CDs, all of her. One woman bought about 25 CDs. Her daughter kept saying, “Ok, that’s enough, that’s enough,” and I was like – will you shut up!

They surprised us with what they bought and didn’t buy. We didn’t expect things like the Barbies, CD cleaner, kites, and thermal cups to sell. We were surprised the lamps didn’t go, along with the boom box. Tom was right in predicting that the old sewing machine would sell, though, and that the two porcelain dolls wouldn’t.

Half the people spoke Spanish and there were these guys who knew no English that asked me if the old TV was cable-ready. When I told them it wasn’t, they were no longer interested, making me wonder if perhaps I should’ve played dumb to their Spanish. Tom says they wouldn’t have gotten it anyway.

Most people’s merchandise, from what I could see, was clothes and jewelry. I got a beautiful bracelet for $2 from the same lady I bought the wind chimes from. It has a cluster of pink glass stones in the center of it and clear glass stones on the side. It’d make a good doll choker as well.

I also got a gorgeous shiny shirt that has these sequin-like things on it for $5, but I’m going to either put it on the mannequin whenever I get around to getting one which should be this year or use it to make clothes for the fashion dolls. Maybe I’ll send it to Ricki to make a dress for that Chari doll. Then again, I doubt I’ll do that as I don’t know if there’d be enough material to make something for 23” Chari.

We sold all but one of the 5 quilts we had, a hand vacuum, one of the coffeemakers, coffee filters, a mirror, a stuffed rabbit, a jewelry box, some duffel bags, some knickknacks, the little palm plant, plus a purple and yellow flower arrangement, and what else? I wish I’d taken notes on what we sold, as well as bags for people to put stuff in so we wouldn’t have to give up one of the boxes that would’ve been good for moving.

They came at us the instant we got there, barely giving us time to set up. I had to keep my eye on the table while he kept his eye on the truck, which became a table as well since we ran out of room on the 3 tables we took.

A few women bought quite a bit, but they became obnoxious after a while because they were distracting and getting in the way of other customers.

All the old plates sold, and I think a couple of glasses did, too. I was surprised the really nice cut glasses didn’t sell. We did sell candle holders, candy dishes and little things like that. The most shocking thing to sell was Giselle’s head. Another vendor bought it and put it on his display table. Same with a small clock he got from the bank. The guy next to us got it, but it never sold and he packed it in right before we did. I was surprised none of the cat and dog mugs sold, but they did get some pots, all 3 drawing books, the English/Spanish dictionary, a purple puff scrubber with a handle on it, an old cactus pitcher, and some old silverware. They also got the 3-tier candle that gave off soot. Only one bag of incense sold and that was the brown sugar. I agree with Tom that we probably would’ve sold more had we had burners and maybe even one burning.

One of the women was telling another woman, “Hey, I saw your son in court the other day.” My first thought was that she worked for the courts, but nope. She got in trouble herself for writing bad checks.

The kids didn’t get too obnoxious, though there were a couple of kids running around screaming for a while next to us.

The weather was perfect. A little chilly to start with, but the winds were calm. We both got sunburns on our faces. We forgot to put sunscreen on before we left.

It only costs $2 to set up. The swap meet is held in a huge lot by a convenience store with a fast-food restaurant next to it. I used their bathroom once and got us some soda and munchies.

I had to stop saying things were a “quarter” when someone would pick up a 25¢ item, and tell them it was “25¢” instead because they couldn’t understand my Eastern accent.

Some people had some weird stuff there, like an old parking meter. And I thought a mannequin for decoration was rather eccentric!

With the money from our surprisingly wonderful sales, I’m getting Dalene (finally) and he’s getting a jewelry-making kit. We have tons of pieces of turquoise that his mom gave us years ago. We just might be able to generate a few grand from that alone. Besides, jewelry might be a good thing to sell anyway simply because everybody loves and wants it.

I won’t be as hard-pressed for a home business once we get out of the huge house payments, but it’d still be nice so that Tom could work for us and not for someone else, and not have to worry about write-ups, firings or layoffs.

Anyway, we’re both very happy that we did so well.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2004 I forgot to mention that the other day I received mail inviting me to a convention in Washington DC to receive a silver bowl with my name on it for outstanding amateur photography of 2004. However, even if we had the money to make the trip, Washington DC is not an appealing place to go and I don’t need a bowl. We were laughing at how they said they’d want me to give a speech on how I came to take the picture. I can just imagine that! I’d be like, “Well, I complained against the people with the wrong connections that were the wrong color which ultimately led to me being framed and thrown in jail. Then, when I got out of jail, part of the probation required community service, which was in my case, scrubbing labels off of old wine bottles, so that’s how Little Buddy came to be Hiding Amongst the Bottles.”

Little Fella’s been pretty funny ever since I moved his cage to the opposite wall so it’d be out of the way of the area we painted. After he was out running around for a while he’d run to the corner his cage has always been in looking for his house. Today he searched and searched, then decided to just plop himself down in the corner anyway. We dragged the cage back over, and sure enough, he hopped right on in it.

I’ve been calling the other one Baldilocks. His poodle-like fur is really thin.

We’re done painting in the living room and in my office. We decided not to add clouds to the office wall because it really doesn’t look all that great. I think this sponge would be better for making colorful splotches, but I’m not going to work that hard and spend that much money so someone else can live with it.

The window’s also been replaced, so that leaves just the bathroom and retreat to paint, plus tidying up outside a bit more. We’ll probably also take the wet vac and vacuum the sand out of the toilet tanks.

I was right and Tom was wrong. Coming to the end of week two, it’s still obvious I’m not going under 127. However, with my amount of muscle, age and height, 127 is an ok weight. I’m going to stick to the hourly workouts, but I’m going to bump my calories up to 1500 a day.

I’m afraid my February ticket vibes were nothing but false vibes. Especially since one of the Circle K stores isn’t selling Slingo tickets anymore.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2004 If I wasn’t convinced before that there’s a doll curse on me and that something likes to tease me with getting dolls, then I’d certainly be by now! I mean, I don’t fucking believe this shit! Now Ricki, who says she needs to kick herself in the rear, is saying the damn doll won’t be shipped till next Friday because she broke a hand and had to replace it. Why can’t I ever just order a doll and get it???

My first thought was that I wouldn’t get any more dolls from her, but no matter where I go, there’ll always be problems so I may as well get them from the cheapest place as long as they do a good job.

I got back in with Memolink as Lin S, but Tom still doesn’t think I’ll get anything from them. He’s now convinced they’re scammers. He thinks that site was deliberately rigged not to go away so they could use those who wracked points up as an excuse to get rid of them so that they’d have fewer people to give prizes to. We’ll find out sooner or later. They probably are scammers because as it is, I know I’ll never get the $15 certificate I ordered before they canned me, though I’ll still play along for now. Another reason why I won’t get it is this thing that doesn’t want me making money.

Speaking of money, I had a vibe saying we’d sell $67 worth of stuff on Saturday, but I don’t know. I don’t even know if I trust the vibes I had about winning on Slingo tickets this month.

A guy in Rhode Island won his mixed coins for $31, and soon we’ll be listing other things.

We ordered supplies today and this time we’re having them come via FedEx. I hope there are no delays or fuck-ups, I really do! We got $80 worth of stuff. Everything from 11” sticks, mini sticks, acrylic burners and wire pop-up burners, oils, big bags, small bags, and dipped angels.

We got the blue part of the mural wall done and most of the blue on the office wall. We still have to fill it in, add clouds to both walls, then tackle the bathroom and retreat.

Tom’s hoping a developer will buy this land because then it might be easier to let them deduct a couple of thousand dollars from the price so we can stay a couple more months and not be so pressured to find new land so fast. Land-splitting is a popular trend, so that’d be nice. Plus, I still worry the renters and the dogs and trash that they can’t get a lid on will deter potential couples and or families from wanting to live here.

I just hope there are no evil spirits awaiting me at the new place! No punishments or compensations. I’ll be damned if I’ll go to jail again for getting something I really want. I really believe that that was part of why God let them frame me; because I left the city. That and my fighting back against the blacks and Mexicans. Or trying to anyway.

Tom brought up a good question pertaining to the spirit that dwells here, and that’s how far does its territory extend? Is it possible that we would never have encountered it if we’d set the house on the other side of the wash, for example? Am I its only target? Or will it be a nuisance for anyone who lives here? Will it follow me if it is primarily after me?

Nonetheless, Tom thinks I’ll be happier in a different climate where I can be outdoors more often. I’m not indoors so much here solely because of the heat we have for most of the year but because of all the dogs running loose as well.

Paula’s last package went out yesterday. I realize it isn’t just a matter of whether or not I could ask her for a little money if we needed it that bothers me, but the fact that she didn’t take the initiative on her own to send any when she knew damn well we needed it and when she got thousands of dollars. I’m sure it’s all gone now, though, spent on that sick cock of hers. She can’t send me one single solitary letter without a favor in it. It seems the more I give, the more I get taken advantage of. I’ve certainly done way more than enough for the girl, so I’m just going to ignore her for a while.

My weight’s been hanging around the 127-pound marker. I’m really surprised I haven’t gone back up to the 130s, though not surprised I haven’t gone under 127 like he still thinks I will. If he ends up right, I’ll have to figure out why I lost the weight so I’ll know what to do when I go to lose weight in the future. My first guess will be the much-extended workouts. Before I got this exercise ball, I sure as hell wasn’t working out an hour every day, faithfully. The ball makes ab work much easier and more comfortable. Mary, who’s also heavily into working out, ought to try it once she’s out.

After I was the one who figured out how to remove the lower window that’s cracked which I laughed at Tom for, he took it out and is now in Casa Grande getting it replaced. That’ll be $30 the damn ghost cost us! They just better do it right if they don’t want to be the first to screw us over and not get away with it and have it be the first time I fight back and do get away with it.

Speaking of getting away with things, well, as Tom pointed out, if anyone would get caught, it would be us, so due to the fact that we have no business license yet, we’re going to put just a plain label on the bag with the fragrance name along with instructions so no idiots go lighting it like a candle. It’d be just our shit luck for some off-duty pig, maybe even the one that came out with the bullshit story, to nail us on some form of no-no while others got away with whatever, so we’re being extra careful.

I just hope I don’t run into that tale-telling pig, though to tell you the truth, I doubt I’d recognize him if I saw him. In fact, I’m sure I wouldn’t. I only saw him twice for a few minutes, and he was obviously as ordinary-looking as most guys are to me, or else I’d remember him. I just picture him as being the type to come up to me and boldly say, “Hi, Jodi. How ya doing? Remember me? I’m the one that arrested you,” in the way an old acquaintance would say, “Remember me? I helped build your house a few years back.”

I would completely come unglued if this happened, though I can’t imagine it happening. I know things have happened that I thought couldn’t or wouldn’t happen, but if all continues to go well, God will never again punish me with the blacks, Mexicans or anyone that was associated with them.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2004 I thought maybe, just maybe, today was the day and I would find myself at 126, but no. I’m 127½. I know I’ll never lose any more weight. The question is, do I maintain what I’ve got or let myself gain more? It’s just that if I let myself climb to 140-150, I may very well never be able to get back down to where I’m at now. My weight’s been elevated too long which is no doubt the reason I’m unable to lose the weight. Your body gets so used to being a certain weight after so long that it gets really hard to change it. Also, a lot of my weight is muscle. Even Tom agrees I don’t look more than 120 pounds. The only way to lose more weight from here would be to lose the muscle and I don’t want to do that. It’s also hard when each thing you eat puts a pound on you and you only lose 2 pounds in your sleep. So if I have popcorn, a sandwich, and a bowl of soup, that’s 3 pounds right there, and I’d only sleep off 2 of them.

They’ve been awfully trigger-happy for the last few days. I wonder why they started up all of a sudden after all this time.

Another Wednesday I don’t have to play report, though I doubt report days are still Wednesdays. I’m sure it’s changed by now along with a zillion other things.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2004 My allergies are acting up a bit, but so far I’m holding out on having to use the spray.

Yesterday we priced the stuff we hope to sell at the swap meet. Most of it is in 25¢ or $1 groups. I just hope it isn’t windy that day or something! We’ll also be hoping to sell about 5 bags of each of the 5 fragrances we have so far. Today we’ll order fruit, watermelon, grape, and chocolate oils to complete one of the variety packs, plus a 100-pack of dipped angels for me, along with bags and sticks. We want to make sure the curse has been lifted enough that we can sell it first before we go all out. Besides, we don’t have the money to do so right now anyway. We need to hang onto what we’ve got for the new land.

They had the perfect, and I mean perfect, deal online in northern AZ which is now where my vibes are strongly placed (in or near the White Mountains). There was a 37-acre lot that already had the dive on it which we plan to live in till we get our castle built. It was 1000 square feet which sure beats the 600-800 I was afraid we’d end up stuck in. This wasn’t on eBay either. Buying from eBay makes me a little nervous. It’d be just our shit luck to buy a piece of land, go on out to it, then find it doesn’t exist. It’s very unlikely, but unlikely things do happen, and knowing that God hates us enough to have something like that done to us, isn’t very comforting. I had to ask myself many times – are you sure God would let that happen?

Yes, he would, was the answer. And with no qualms whatsoever, so this is why we really have to look out for ourselves because we’re all we really have in that department. I’d like to think that God didn’t quite hate us that much, and he probably doesn’t, but you just never do know.

I heard a bunch of bangs yesterday afternoon that I thought were car doors at the new place in front. After so many of them, I realized that not even the freeloaders slammed that many doors when they’d set out on one of their many harassment campaigns. This was when it hit me that I was hearing gunshots, not car doors. I was surprised to hear them too, after so long without hearing them, and during the middle of the week, too. Tom said it sounded like target practice by the way they were firing so rapidly.

I still don’t have any bad vibes of anyone lurking about with evil intentions, so that’s good unless God’s keeping me from sensing them so I can be taken by surprise. As I said before, I just hope that if there is anyone with evil in mind, we’re out of here before they can act on it. I know better, though. If this were really the case, God’s going to make sure we’re right here where they can get at us.

I taped the bathroom in preparation for painting it. It’s just masking tape you use to edge along areas you don’t want painted.

As I told Tom, I think the best way to handle the broken windowpane in his office would be to remove it, then keep our mouths shut and hope it’s not noticed. If it does get noticed, all we have to do is say we weren’t aware of it. No one could peer into our brains and prove we really did know about it.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to moving, getting that over with and having more money as much as I’ll miss this house. I really hope it’s more remote. I want to live with nature, not people. If I want people, I can just go to the city. Most people are scared of remote, but I love that feeling of being the only ones around where we live. This is what I mean when I say God’s blessed me as well as cursed me. I have no fears. Absolutely no fears other than spiders, open heights and big dogs. Other than a few things, it’s like I lack the ability to feel fear, but I guess this is a good thing since fear is a negative emotion. The worst emotion, in my opinion, is depression, but still, I’m glad I’m so hard to scare!

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2004 Yesterday turned out to be a fun day. When we got to the swap meet, people were still setting up so it wasn’t crowded at all. Tom was right about most of the stuff being junk, but not all of it was. They had some good books and those wind chimes were there, too. I got a couple of them for $5, then for just $1, who should I find there but Midge herself! The very one I was going to try to get on eBay till I ran out of money. This is the one with the painted-on bikini like Lea’s only Midge’s suit is blue and Lea’s is purple. I think that of all Barbie’s friends as well as Barbie herself, the Midge doll has the best face. She was in very good condition for being used. I sponged off the few scuff marks she had on her, washed her hair with liquid hand soap, brushed out the knots, and she was as good as new.

As I told Tom, I think we can sell some things there, but I don’t know how much. At least I don’t have to worry about anything being too dumpy. I mean, they had old pots and pans there that made our old ones, which I had worried may be too beat up, look like they’re brand spanking new.

After we left the place we headed for Casa Grande and Whataburger’s drive-through. On our way back we stopped at a smaller swap meet just past the huge dairy farm where Tom got an old computer for its fan and a backup drive, and I got 4 paperbacks, 3 of which are true crime stories, 1 of which is a James Patterson book Mary said she read. She said I have a lot of James Patterson in me, so I figure he must write stuff I’d like.

Anyway, we got masking tape and are going to spend the week pricing stuff, along with doing more painting and ordering more supplies.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2004 Today we’re going to the swap meet. I’m looking forward to checking it out. Tom has a little cash in case I want a $3 wind chime or a book in Spanish, which according to him, may be all I’d want since their stuff is so crappy.

I’m still not under 127, but I haven’t jumped back up either. I’m kind of taking the day off today, though I haven’t yet decided whether or not I’m going to allow myself a day off once a week from exercising. The good thing about it is that I couldn’t pig out if I wanted to since my stomach has shrunk down to nothing. A plate of spaghetti alone made me feel like I was going to burst.

How I wish I could continue losing 4 pounds a month! But me, 119 in two weeks? I don’t think so! I still don’t know that I’ll ever get under 127.

We decided to readjust our variety packs a bit. We decided to have 5 sticks of 6 scents in each pack and charge $5 for those we add burners to and $3 for just the incense. I settled on the floral pack having jasmine, carnation, gardenia, magnolia, patchouli, and cedar, though cedar’s a tree. The fruits and sweets pack will include fruit, watermelon, grape, brown sugar, chocolate, and butter rum. The miscellaneous pack will have fast cash, baby powder, vanilla musk, puddy cat, hot love, and black magic.

We started painting the mural wall to see how bad it would smell. It didn’t smell bad at all. We first thought it was lousy paint and that we wouldn’t get an even finish, but as it dried up, it was just fine. We have finished it yet, though.

Next week is when he’ll probably be contacting a realtor, and I hope it’s a woman. I really do.

I also hope I receive notification that Haiku’s on her way! I’m getting tired of waiting for that damn doll, but you know how it is when I order dolls. There’s always some delay or problem.

Next weekend is when we go to sell at the swap meet. This should give us a good idea of just how cursed or not-so-cursed we are/will be.

The unexplained foul odors continue to come in spurts. It seems 8:30 AM is one of its favorite times. It makes me wonder - if it really is connected to whatever lurks about this land - if it was killed at that time or something.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2004 Well, this is it. I’m now down to 127. The diet itself has gotten a bit easier because my stomach’s shrunk on account of not eating as much, but I still don’t know if I can lose any more weight. I’m going to be putting spells on like crazy! I doubt God would help me even if he did like me as I doubt he’d see an extra 30 pounds as being all that much of a crisis. So, I’m on my own to either succeed or not succeed at this point.

Tom’s been dieting too, having one sensible meal, plus two Slim-Fast shakes a day. Tomorrow, after we check out the swap meet, we’re going to go to Casa Grande for our meals at a drive-through, though at my height it may not be so sensible if I eat anything else, so I’m going to remember to eat only that. I’m going to get a kid’s meal at Whataburger. The chicken strips and fries. It’ll be close to 1000 calories, so I won’t have anything else but salad that day. The adult portions would simply be too much for me now after 5 days of eating so little.

Tom usually stops at the PO on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Today we’ll probably mail out Paula’s last incense package, and the last package ever for that matter. I haven’t heard shit from her. I’ll probably get drafts from Mary, though. She’s been on a roll with sending drafts every few days or so. She’s also been good with including letters, filling me in on her life and answering any questions, so that’s cool.

He finished my medical romance story yesterday and says it’s my best yet. I was surprised. I didn’t think that one was going anywhere. I mean, I didn’t think it was bad, but I didn’t think it was all that exciting either. Mary, who finds suspense really scary, just may think that one’s the best so far, too. She’s more of a romance person than a suspense person. At least she seems to be anyway. The Angel Eyes story, which I plan to tackle after I finish College Romance, should be more romance-like than anything else. I’ve already begun taking notes for that story.

We agree that it’s best not to tell potential buyers of this house about the sonic booms they’ll be in for. Most people sleep at night so they probably won’t mind them. It’s not like it’s every few minutes of every day that you hear them anyway. I mean, as much as I’d prefer to do without them myself, I’d much rather that than city noise. If they’ve never heard them before, they too, are going to be like what the hell? when they hear the first thunderous boom. I remember the first time I heard/felt it. I was asleep. Tom was working days. I thought someone broke into the house and I ran out of the bedroom ready to pounce. I felt like both an idiot and a very relieved person when I found no one there. The next thing I did was check to see if any shelves went down. When I found everything in its place I was really confused until Tom heard it, too. His first thought was that they were blasting a mountain somewhere. He didn’t realize right away it was sonic booms because he didn’t know they were allowed to do that over land, yet apparently, where there’s no ocean, they can fly.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2004 I decided to weigh myself today. I’m a little bummed to find I’m at 128 and have only lost 3 pounds. Tom says that losing 1-2 pounds a week is reasonable for me, whereas a 3-4 pound-a-week drop is more reasonable for him. He says that if I give it till the end of the month, I should get under that infamous 127. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t want to get my hopes up.

All the information out there about dieting/fitness can be as confusing as all the different religions, and eventually you end up not knowing what to believe.

Tom had an excellent selling idea. The idea is to buy little things from eBay, then sell them at swap meets. Originally, he thought he might do it the other way around and buy stuff from swap meets to sell on eBay, but the swap meets are selling pure crap. Nothing but overpriced junk.

Harrah’s casino wants to do an interview with him on Monday concerning a job emptying the slot machines which he doubts he’ll get. I doubt it, too. I don’t sense it. He’s going to stick to his original plan, though, and not take any jobs unless they pay well. If he gets a good-paying job, we’ll relocate somewhere around here. If not, there’s no sense in him taking shitty-paying jobs just to quit in a month or two when we move. For now, we’ve got shitty pay for doing nothing, though we are going to make up several bags of incense and check out the swap meet this weekend. Next weekend is when we’ll probably start selling.

If only we could sell enough stuff, be it from here or at swap meets, to keep him from needing a regular job! We’re sick of working for others. We want to be our own bosses where we don’t have to worry about write-ups, firings or layoffs. It’s all going to hinge on the incense, and of course, fate. We can only try our best and then the rest is up to whatever’s meant to be.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2004 This is day 4 of having just 1 sandwich, 1 popcorn, and 1 Ramen noodle packet, along with my hourly workout, and I ask myself – why do I bother? I’m only going to lose a few pounds, then stop once I hit 127. Oh well. I should be able to at least maintain my weight this way. If not, maybe I’ll quit food altogether and just eat like maybe once a week or something like that. We’ll see. I still don’t think I have diabetes or a wacky thyroid because I have no symptoms, and of course I can’t count on any help from above.

Tom got cans of light blue and pale pink paint. The bathroom and retreat will get the pale pink and one office wall along with the mural wall will get the light blue. Then we’ll take a can of white paint that came with the house for touch-ups and do the clouds with that. We’re going to start on the bathroom later on this morning.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 2004 I slept miserably, though I’m awake enough to write. The Air Force woke me up twice today and so did the hunger pains. I was like please, please God, give me strength! And if you won’t, please, if there’s anything else out there that can help give me the strength not to succumb to this hunger, help me! So far so good. As far as getting boomed and vibrated awake; I’m just going to have to get used to that being a fact of life because any rural town not close to the ocean is going to have that. They’ve been flying like they were when we first moved in which means they’re probably not going to settle down till we’re about ready to move. You don’t get more than two days without them booming by these days!

In Mary’s draft that I got today, she speaks of being molested by her uncle Rick, Carolyn’s husband, and how many others have claimed to have been molested by him as well. Her sick, wimp of a mother wouldn’t believe her when she tried to tell her about it, Carolyn called her a liar, and then Carolyn’s own daughter, who was also molested, wrote Mary saying she was disgusted by her family trying to cover it up. She said Carolyn didn’t want him going to jail because she didn’t want to lose Rick’s army benefits.

So I’m reading this and I’m like, Mary, Mary, Mary. You mean to tell me that this uncle you say you’re still afraid of as a grown woman is the very one you still write to and speak with, along with his wife who protects him? How sad. How utterly sad. Is there ever going to come a day when she has enough self-respect to ask herself how can her aunt stay with him? How can she stand to even look at him? And how can she herself stand to associate with either the aunt, uncle or mother? I really think the best thing she could do when she gets out would be to grab that kid of hers and turn her back on the whole family except for Adam, then start over fresh. And she should stay single if she can’t stay away from the abusers. As I told her, I know for a fact that people like her mom, Jared and Rick never change, and if they do, it’s very short-lived. I truly believe from experience that the more we associate with people like that, the more they’ll just keep bringing us down.

And why isn’t Rick in jail? He belongs there with all the other little pervies, but no, God must protect him. Any mother who believes the word of others over their own child is no mother as far as I’m concerned, and her aunt, being the pervert protector that she seems to be from what I’m reading, is almost as bad as the pervert himself. This is why if I could give her any advice, I’d suggest she take the rest of the time she’s in that place to ask herself – are these the types of people she wants in her life when she gets out? Try to look at them as people, I told her, and put the shared blood aside for a minute. Then ask herself, do I like these people, really like them?

Had my father been a pervert, I’d have gotten the same reaction for telling my mother – rage and disbelief. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, had one of them killed me, the other would still be standing by them today as if it never happened.

Nonetheless, my life may not be perfect, but it sure does get better with age and I think hers will too, as long as she can get off her abusive-people kick. I think one of the biggest keys to being happy, or at least a lot happier, is who we associate with.

Mary’s right when she talks about how all forms of abuse can have such devastating effects. It seems it’s turned her into a frightened individual while it’s made me a very angry one. So much so that I still wish I’d handled Marty differently when he threatened me, and either kicked the shit out of him and shown him that he can’t threaten just anybody, or thrown a mock punch at him to get him to attack me so I could call the pigs and have him arrested, though this was the late 70s or early 80s, and with God as his protector, that’s not how it would’ve worked. The pigs would’ve blamed me for my own attack and told me they couldn’t do anything cuz Marty was “family.” With this fact in mind, he should’ve waited till I was stronger and braver and in my own apartment to make the threat where I’d have been, beyond a doubt, physically capable of making sure the sick fuck never again even so much as dared think to threaten anyone again.

Just like I was right about us not being able to make shit doing surveys, I was right about Memolink kicking us out for point-stealing. Those who clicked 25 points got their points taken away and those who clicked more got their membership terminated. I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to let what happened with the freeloaders keep me from speaking my mind when I have something to say, so without the least bit of intimidation, I sent them a message saying that what they did was wrong. It was their mistake and we shouldn’t be the ones to have to pay the consequences for their own screw-up when they’re the ones responsible for their own damn site. They suck, I told them, and I plan to spread the nastiest word I can about them.

Let’s see them have the guts to put that in their testimonials!

See, this is why I wouldn’t seek revenge on the freeloaders even if I knew where the cowards were and had the opportunity to do so. I know God would only lead the pigs right to my door. I can’t get away with the piddliest of things like point-stealing, yet others can beat me, try to rape me, play with my head, rip me off, frame me, etc., and God help me should I try to fight back!

It’s okay, though, cuz I’m just going to sign up as Miss Jodina S as soon as we move and use my old Feisty Dawn address. For now, I’ve signed up with My Points which is identical to Memolink. In fact, they have the same Lucky Surf lotto, which as we’ve discovered, is not exclusive to Memolink. Anyone can play it and they don’t have to join any points program either.

My top favorite fragrances are angel, baby powder, black cherry, black Henry, black magic, black narcissus, booty call, brown sugar, butter rum, bump & grind, butt naked, carnation, cedar, chocolate, cranberry, Choctaws mono, escape, floor, fruit, fast cash, gardenia, grape, honey, honey musk, hot love, jasmine, love supreme, magnolia, majmua, morning mist, Nubian musk, patchouli, pear, puddy cat, pussy, rain barrel, sugar plum, sun moon stars, sweet musk, vanilla musk, watermelon, white diamonds, white linen.

There are still a few more I’d like to sample such as vanilla melon, cherry musk, cherry opium, cherry vanilla, patchouli rose, strawberry musk, and strawberry vanilla.

Later…

As I read on, I found that Mary’s aunt did acknowledge what happened, though it was thirty years too late. The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that while it’s easy for me to call her a sick criminal herself for protecting Rick, what if I were in her shoes? What if Tom was guilty or accused of a crime – any crime? Would I turn him in? Absolutely not! So as wrong as she was, a part of me can relate to her.

Still haven’t weighed myself, but I know I’m still dropping. I doubt I’m under 127, though I’m probably right about that weight.

Yesterday was the first day in ages that I was stuck. I was shocked, though not too shocked as I always get stuck when trying to lose weight. I’m not worried about it anymore, though, because now I know that that doesn’t affect weight like I thought it did.

We cut tops off 2-liter soda bottles to air-dry the 200 or so sticks in that we made up to hopefully – hopefully – sell at a swap meet somewhere around here, and boy was our kitchen ever so fragrant! I even started getting a bit of a headache, the aromas were so potent, that I stuffed them in a cabinet. It’s too bad we’re not going to have the space to do that for a few years once we move.

I found out that the monthly giveaways they have at the incense place are for retail customers only.

At first I thought I wouldn’t bother with curtains, valances or any form of window coverings in “Dan’s dive,” as we call it since we’ll be in something similar to what he had. Then I decided to take some of the valances the house came with to use in the dive. It’ll be a sort of souvenir, too. Then, once we build our dream house, I’ll use the lacy valances I prefer.

Another piece of this house I’m taking is a spare scrap of carpet. We’ll use it as a doormat there and I’ll leave the ones that are here where they are.

Tomorrow’s a flight day, so I’m going to try to stay up as long as I can. That way I can also go out this Sunday without feeling too tired.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2004 Amazingly, both UPS and the Air Force let me sleep today, though I woke up a zillion times for a second just because. Meanwhile, Tom got the water pump installed, and the truck’s running fine.

I just hope we can get out of here before the next thing breaks! It’s been since November, so we’re about due any minute for something else to break. If it could just hold out till after we’re gone, that’d be wonderful because we have so much going on right now.

Although I don’t want to weigh myself till next Sunday, I can tell I’m down to 128-129. In 1-3 days I should hit 127, then comes the critical part and that’s to see if I can keep it going and not jump back up like I always do when I hit down at 127. If something’s wrong, I really do want to know about it. That way I can decide whether or not I want to try to dodge the quackery while I try to get the problem fixed, or just live with it. That is, whenever the hell we’re insured again. My vibes are shifting, now saying he may not be working till after we’re moved, and that yes, we are going up into the mountains, but I don’t know what state.

The further we go, the more Mary and I may have to fly to see each other when she’s out which would mean staying overnight. I don’t know if she’d dig that idea any more than I would, but considering the fact that we spent 9 days and 8 nights locked in a tiny room together, I guess we could handle a night or two at each other’s houses.

Anyway, the appetite suppressants have been worthless and the hunger’s been intense. I realize that no matter what aids I use, at 1200 calories a day I’m going to be hungry anyway. Anyone would be.

This shitting twice a day has got me stumped. I deliberately cut out foods that make you shit more so I wouldn’t go as often, but it seems I couldn’t get irregular if I tried. I don’t know, maybe all the salad or the tea’s doing it. I have more tea in the winter. Besides, it’s something I can put in my stomach without the calories that my coffee creamer has. Even so, I wish my body would quit this shit-happy cycle it’s gotten on. If it’s not going to hurt me to go 4 or 5 days a week and if going every day isn’t going to help with my weight, then why bother? But twice a day? That’s a bit overkill! I’ve been going when I first get up, then again towards the end of my day.

Tom says there’s a virus going around. I guess someone with a grudge against Microsoft put out this thing that sends out tons of emails. There’s a reward being offered, and I jokingly told Tom that it’s too bad we can’t say he did it, turn him, collect the reward, then bust him out of jail!

Memolink is also screwed up big time. We can’t even get into their site. My first thought was that they banned us for point-stealing and right after I legitimately earned a $15 certificate because something doesn’t want me making money and because Tom and Jodi can’t get away with shit, but the more Tom investigated, the more it appears to be a problem on their end.

Not surprisingly, my decorative plates didn’t sell. Of course not. Why should my stuff sell? Tom’s thinking of relisting them now that he knows what to say when describing them which he says he didn’t do the first time around. When I asked him what he meant by that, he said that since people are even dumber than he thought, it’s really all in how you describe your items. For example, one of the people who bought his coins gave him positive feedback saying that the coins were exactly as he described them. Meanwhile, he never did describe them in the first place. You gotta make people feel they’re getting a deal and like they’re taking advantage of you, as he says.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2004 Currently, it appears that the best way to make the incense is going to be to let it soak for a day and to let it dry for a few days. It seems the more we let them dry, the less smoky they are and the more potent the fragrance is.

Today I got the pink fairy in the Fairytopia series, so that’s two down, one to go. I haven’t seen the blue one yet, though I’ve only been to Walmart twice since they came out. They say that blue is most people’s favorite color, so maybe that’s why there haven’t been any blue ones.

Yesterday I had an average of 2000 calories and 20 minutes of working out, so that earned me a jump up to 132. Starting tomorrow, I’ll drop back to 1200 cals and do an hour of exercise. What else can I do? Look at my outstanding talent for gaining weight as a gift from God and just go with it? Try to rack up all the pounds I can and call each one of just another one of life’s many blessings?

Speaking of God, every so often, like maybe once a year or so, I pray to him for help with something I’m stumped on, such as not being able to lose weight for the last couple of years, just in case he decides to listen to me for a change and help me. I know better than to count on it, knowing that I wouldn’t have gotten so big in the first place if he didn’t want me to. Besides, I don’t think he cares what the hell I weigh. Still, I got on my knees, and just like most people cross themselves, I did my little Star of David and asked for the strength to stick to the diet plan, to lose weight and keep it off, and not be given a new problem in exchange should I miraculously lose weight and keep it off for more than 5 minutes.

Tomorrow’s the day the prep work begins. We’re going to start with doing a tape and texture job where the cut bathroom panels are and where the strip is that we popped off to put the mural up. We’ll also fill in big holes. Not tiny holes made by tiny nails, but places where we had screws holding up shelves.

I’ll probably be the other way around this time. The last move was a bitch to prep the old place, yet moving into this house after we were done playing trailer/hotel was easy because there was so much space. This time around, prepping to move should be easy, while moving should be a bitch what with moving into an old dive ¼ the size of this place. I’ll have to remind myself that it’s only temporary every time I get frustrated with the peeling linoleum floors and the years of caked-on dirt, rust, grime and calcium that just won’t go away no matter how hard I scrub. In fact, I better enjoy baths in my big clean garden tub before I have to take them in a tub with soap rings dating back to before the release of Charlie’s Angels!

I erased the penciled outline of the pink ballerina silhouette on the wall by the closet and scrubbed the badly faded pink areas. I made it almost invisible. I’m sure the buyers won’t notice. Besides, this is likely to be a kid’s room, so it won’t matter as much as it would if there were discolorations in the kitchen, den or living room. Then, we’ll do the same skyscape on the wall where Patrice and the playboy’s silhouettes are.

It’s maddening out there right now with the damn dogs. I don’t know if they got into a fight or what, but I do know that Arizonans can’t keep their dogs under control and to themselves worth shit. Especially out here.

Later…

The sun has set, so off goes the dogs. Tom shooed some off the land today, then he just shooed another one barking in front of the house. Maricopa’s dogs are lucky we’re not staying here because I swear I’d shoot them all if we couldn’t get fences!

Our vanilla extract and butter-pecan experiments were a bust. They wouldn’t even light. Now he’s trying to mix cooking oil with mesquite leaves which I’m sure will also be a bust. The uncut butter rum is good, though, and I’m thinking maybe we’ll save a little money, time and work by just doing all uncut sticks.

Got 1 number.

Tom checked out the swap meet which he says was a zoo. He says they were selling major crap and that it wasn’t moving too well because they were asking too much. So, he figures we’ll have an easier time selling our stuff cuz we have nicer crap and we can lower our prices. He’s been researching eBay and finding a lot of crap for sale there too, so we might sell even more stuff that way. I’d prefer to avoid the zoo and do a yard sale here, but then we wouldn’t get as many people other than the neighbors. Next weekend, he wants to bring me to the swap meet to see if I can get any vibes, then we’ll take it from there.

Meanwhile, there’s no reason the water pump shouldn’t be here tomorrow so he can finally get the truck back up and running. The damn thing’s been sitting in Phoenix since Friday afternoon.

I still can’t believe no one’s moved in yet in front, and I also still can’t complain either. I’m hoping we make it out of here before they do arrive.

Tom showed me the basics of our site. I like its layout. He took me to the links to the java games, rat pics, doll pics, desert pics and wildlife pics that I’ve taken. He’s now uploading it as we figured that February 1st was a good time to start. The next step will be taking pictures of the incense. People like to see what they’re buying, so we’ll take pictures, but still keep a little mystery there. If they know they can buy the stuff themselves and make it themselves, they won’t want to get it from us.

Because ours is a free site as opposed to one with a monthly fee, I have to watch what I say. I can say “I got this particular doll at Paradise Galleries,” but I can’t add that I had to fight tooth and nail to get it and that their service sucked so bad that I quit buying from them after a while.

The prepping began today, too. We puttied up the panels in the bathroom. Tomorrow we’ll sand it down, then it’ll be ready to paint.

Our ghost is at it again. I heard footsteps behind me, but when I went to turn around, no one was there.

[theredpharaoah]

I’m rewriting this because tumblr is fucking stupid and pressing return deletes the fucking text for literally no reason. This is based off of my observations and how I’m conceptualizing it. Trigger warning: inhumanity is discussed and so there will be SA, Violence, etc, in this post.

We define humanity based off of inhumane acts. Inhumane acts have always been the line between who is human and inhuman. We don’t revoke humanity, we made it so that what we defined as inhumane acts serve as a barrier. When one commits an inhumane act they cross that barrier, and in doing so, transition from human to inhuman. I think the anime Soul Eater kind of gets at this. When someone kills and devours a human soul in this anime, they become a “kishin egg” their version of a demon basically. Devouring 100 souls completes the transformation into a demon. Soul Eater also gets at the arbitrary nature of “right” and “wrong” too. As Death has basically been committing a genocide against witches for millennia now and is very bigoted towards them(his youngest son and heir, Kid, ends the practice of hunting witches). Witches in this universe are a sub-species and are born the way they are. Death has a list of kishin eggs and witches for his meisters to hunt. And early on we have an episode where a little girl whose only crime is being born a witch, is on this list. I’ve never actually thought of some of the moral dilemmas they were bringing up in that show. I guess it gets lost in all the shounen throw-up - but I digress.

This of course highlights the obvious fact that we deem it appropriate to commit inhumane acts against these inhuman individuals; does this not make us inhuman as well? Yes and no. I think there’s always been an acknowledgement that humans have two major sides: an angel and a devil so to speak. The angel is the result of our higher intellect interacting with our empathy and “positive traits”. The devil is the result of our higher intellect interacting with our more “primeval” or animalistic traits and drives. However at some point, we realized that the devilish side of things really isn’t all that useful when living in big groups like we do. And so there is an expectation in society to repress and suppress that devil - the inhumane or animal in us all. We are taught from a young age to do this, or to express those urges in a healthy manner; within controlled settings and where no one else is likely to get hurt. When one fails to do this and commits an inhumane act, they become a means by which everyone else may express their devilish urges. They become the society-mandated controlled setting and healthy manner of dealing with these darker tendencies. But I think there’s still limits. We’re still watching one another in this moment. We can say some things in this Pandemonium, but others will always be off limits; reveal to us which of us is more devil than acceptable, and see them thrown in the pit too. For instance; I like Spit on Your Grave - mostly cus of my own trauma I suspect - but I wouldn’t like those movies if the protagonist somehow instigated a r*pe of the men that r*ped them. If we’re all in the midst of unleashing our devilish urges upon a r*pist, and someone gives us a detailed account of them fantasizing about doing the same thing to the person, I think most of us would confront them. And even when people say “they’ll enjoy him in prison” I think it’s weird. I say something similar but I never mean they’ll SA him in prison, I always mean they’re gonna bully you and beat the fuck out do you every day of your miserable life in prison. But maybe that’s just me, and someone can make an argument for this? I personally can’t do what someone did to me to them in such extreme circumstances. Like if someone killed my entire family, I can’t kill there’s in response. That seems wrong to me.

I don’t think this system is intrinsically flawed, I think it becomes flawed when executed in hierarchical societies. I believe we as humans did have some form of collective deliberation, and continue to on some level, on what are ACTUALLY inhumane acts. But elites and in many cases, our own devils/angels and insecurity, use their power within this society and over ourselves to muddle our moral tuning, conflate immorality with concepts that threaten their power/survival, and overall just fuck up the original moral compass we agreed upon. For instance; I think stealing is wrong and I ascribe different degrees of “wrongness” to stealing based off of what was stolen. Stealing someone’s food from the fridge is annoying, but it’s not anywhere near as wrong as stealing someone else’s ideas or a family heirloom or something. And I don’t think there’s any circumstance where I would be ok with imprisoning, maiming, or killing someone for stealing. It’s just not that serious to me. And if someone’s stealing food or other basic necessities, I don’t think they should be punished at all, as that means something is wrong with the society they live in and they’re simply doing what they have to do. My “Devil” isn’t roused by stealing, my Devil is roused by things like rape, torture, and murder. And in a more ridiculous sense, my Devil is roused by infidelity. I don’t think I’d ever condone physical punishment for cheating past punching a disrespectful ex in the face if they call you out your name or hit you or something. But I’ve noticed that I’d be ok with emotionally torturing someone even if it tortured me as well(hypothetically. I’be never experienced it irl). Hell, I’ll be emotionally distant or reserved even if they don’t give a fuck. I think it has something to do with pride. But what rouses my “Devil” also rouses my “Angel” and I begin to see that they’re really one and the same. I feel such anger and compassion for someone who has been assaulted, abused, or cheated on, and the “punishment” I inflict on the aggressor reads as righteous to me as well. I used this angel and devil metaphor as a reference to the angel and devil on our shoulders, but I wonder how much of this comes from western abrahamic-influenced culture. I also wonder how much of what rouses my “devil” or “angel” stems from childhood; I was sexually abused. I watched my mother constantly be paranoid about my father’s infidelity - watched her hype herself up to compensate for what she thought she lacked. I think you get it. It’s scary to think of how illusory the self is - how much we’re all just made up of events we experienced and the illusions of others we’ve known.

This might have motivated me to enroll in this higher level ethical philosophy class I was shying away from. To those with some knowledge and if it helps; I hate Utilitarianism and I don’t think any moral philosophy really satisfied me. I liked Rawls and Dewey’s deliberative democratic theory though? I think that could be applied too. But I also think it opens up another avenue of focus for my activism.

PS: Devil and Angel could easily be replaced with Jung’s Shadow. My conceptualization of the animus/anima pretty much gets rid of the gendered mess. It just rules pleasure and things we’re taught to think of as positive. But the distinction between the two is arbitrary and they overlap.

btw the whole point of human rights is that they are not revokable and that you don’t need to earn them. some of y’all will shout slogans about “human rights” and then fantasize about brutally torturing people who have done a crime you deem worthy of “revoking their humanity” which means you don’t actually care about human rights. you just want the “bad actions” to be directed at the “right people.” which is a fundamentally authoritarian and dangerous opinion

[admiringtheskies]

Times B’s Asked The Rogues To Pretty Please Just Give It A Fucking Rest (For Robin’s Birthday), And Responses Received Accordingly:

1. dick’s 2nd - last birthdays as robin (look, bruce definitely did NOT think to do smth like this himself, so on the first birthday they definitely ended up on an extra-pointless chase after selina, and then alfred passive-aggressively judged him and didn’t make his comfort foods for a week) — rogues all went HELL NO, which bruce was pretty much expecting (though he is a bit disappointed in harvey); joke’s on all of them though, it’s not like that gremlin child actually WANTED to do anything else, besides his usual routine of using a crime-infested city as his personal jungle gym while terrifying grown adults for the millionth time, lol. [one thing the rogues don’t realize, though, is that they end up unconsciously suppressing some of the more offensive/darker jokes that they might have usually made without caring whether robin was hearing them, just for that one day a year. it turns out that JIM is somehow the only one to notice this pattern, and refuses to admit how much making that realization on dick’s 3rd birthday as robin cheered him up. it’s oddly endearing, dammit!]

2. jason’s 2 birthdays as robin — the rogues made bruce WORK for it, but they’d already known from the beginning that of Course they’d agree for the lil sunshine bird! the first year, bruce is cautiously optimistic, only to sigh and shake his head at the news of a riddler breakout in the early evening. jason did actually want to do something else w bruce for his birthday, so he’s a little disappointed, but puts on a brave face and insists that he’s coming, B, batman can’t just go out without his robin! but then they’re BOTH pleasantly surprised to find basically just a English-lit-based escape room, with only the barest of perfunctory attempts at hidden knives/poison/etc. that are easily avoided, that jason solves within 2 hours! (turns out the riddler’s also an austen and brontë fan, and he did in fact notice that one week when jason kept on slipping quotes and references into his snarky chatter. he found it endearing.) the second year when it happens, jason convinces bruce to let him sneak into arkham and leave a hand-drawn thank-you card a few days later — bruce enjoys watching the chaos when the guards find it.

(the year after that, everybody knows to be wary — and sure enough, the bat’s out alone for the first time in a while, beating down henchmen with a brutality that was only just recently starting to be tamed by the reappearance of his (albeit smaller and quieter) bird. riddler’s smart enough to know that doing his standard robin gift setup won’t be taken well, this time, but he manages to just craft a single riddle, addressed specifically to the robin. he gets handed over to the authorities in the same complete silence, but with at least slightly less of a beat-down than the rest of the night’s captures. the bright yellow sticky note with a carefully penned question ends up in jason’s room, carefully stuck on the wall right next to the two he’d gotten to put up himself.)

3. tim’s birthdays as robin — the first year, bruce can’t bring himself to ask, and for once alfred doesn’t push him on it. the second year, he does, but expects the response to be more similar to what dick used to get. he’s then baffled when they all immediately agree to no shenanigans, until someone explains that “christ, bat, please just go take ‘im to a- a fuckin’ theme park or somethin’, and maybe if ya actually manage to do some regular kid shit with ‘im he’ll calm down an’ stop being such a bat-level fanatic about fuckin’ with US!!” it was never gonna work, of course, but bruce certainly doesn’t mind having the excuse to try!

4. okay look do i know in my heart and soul that Best Girl Steph absolutely deserves a place on this list?? yeah!! can i think of some uniquely funny description for what the rogue response would be?? …apparently not! steph i’m so sorry ily queen 😭💜😭💜 (if you want a quasi-canonical reason for this, we can say that she became robin pretty soon after one birthday and had already been fired and/or quit by the next — to my knowledge this actually fits fine with the canonical estimated length of her robin-hood, it’s just kind of unsatisfying as a conclusion.)

5. and finally, damian’s birthdays as robin! — okay, so y’all already know that his FIRST birthday as robin (during bruce’s lost-in-time year) was an angst-fest. dick is struggling to hold on to the persona of the bat as is, he can’t ask the rogues. so he’s feeling all guilty abt that, and then there’s the fact that damian hasn’t gotten to celebrate a single birthday with his father: ow. damian, adorably, has reached a stage where he does notice dick’s efforts to hold it together, and does think to cheer up dick; unfortunately, what he comes up with is telling dick that a birthday patrol is much better than ra’s forcing him to fight talia no-holds-barred to check his improvement in martial prowess in the past year, which predictably doesn’t really make him feel any better. points to damian for trying, though <3. but his 2nd robin birthday is much better!! bruce is still being all shy abt getting to know damian, but one thing he knows he can’t mess up is the “asking the rogues for a cheat day” bit — until of course, the rogues laugh. in. his. face. (damian is the first one to really get the same reaction as dick did, back in the day — bruce does take a moment to briefly mentally acknowledge that it’s kind of cute.) many snarky comments are made abt how “they can’t imagine anything the kid would like doing MORE than a night of bashing people’s faces in”, and, well, they’re not entirely wrong, honestly! but also, it ends up being a bit of a quieter night anyways, that first year, so batman sees fit to allow robin a little extra time spent with the alley dogs and cats. and they manage to keep that bit of fun for the rest of damian’s robin run!!

Do you think Batman ever put out a notice to the rogues like “hey guys it’s robin’s birthday tomorrow can you not do any crime so we can celebrate” and they were like. yeah ok

[duckprintspress]

Giving Quality, Motivating Feedback

A guest post by @shealynn88!

The new writer in your writing group just sent out their latest story and it’s...not exciting. You know it needs work, but you’re not sure why, or where they should focus.

This is the blog post for you!

Before we get started, it’s important to note that this post isn’t aimed at people doing paid editing work. In the professional world, there are developmental editors, line editors, and copy editors, who all have a different focus. That is not what we’re covering here. Today, we want to help you informally give quality, detailed, encouraging feedback to your fellow writers.

The Unwritten Rules

Everyone seems to have a different understanding of what it means to beta, edit, or give feedback on a piece, so it’s best to be on the same page with your writer before you get started.

Think about what type of work you’re willing and able to do, how much time you have, and how much emotional labor you’re willing to take on. Then talk to your writer about their expectations.

Responsibilities as an editor/beta may include:

Know what the author’s expectation is and don’t overstep. Different people in different stages of writing are looking for, and will need, different types of support. It’s important to know what pieces of the story they want feedback on. If they tell you they don’t want feedback on dialogue, don’t give them feedback on dialogue. Since many terms are ambiguous or misunderstood, it may help you to use the list of story components in the next section to come to an agreement with your writer on what you’ll review.

Don’t offer expertise you don’t have. If your friend needs advice on their horse book and you know nothing about horses, be clear that your read through will not include any horse fact checking. Don’t offer grammar advice if you’re not good at grammar. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give feedback on things you do notice, but don’t misrepresent yourself, and understand your own limits.

Give positive and constructive feedback. It is important for a writer to know when something is working well. Don’t skimp on specific positive feedback — this is how you keep writers motivated. On the other hand, giving constructive feedback indicates where there are issues. Be specific on what you’re seeing and why it’s an issue. It can be hard for someone to improve if they don’t understand what’s wrong.

Be clear about your timing and availability, and provide updates if either changes. Typically, you’ll be doing this for free, as you’re able to fit it in your schedule. But it can be nerve wracking to hand your writing over for feedback and then hear nothing. For everyone’s sanity, keep the writer up to date on your expected timeline and let them know if you’re delayed for some reason. If you cannot complete the project for them, let them know. This could be for any reason — needing to withdraw, whatever the cause, is valid! It could be because working with the writer is tough, you don’t enjoy the story, life got tough, you got tired, etc. All of that is fine; just let them know that you won’t be able to continue working on the project.

Be honest if there are story aspects you can’t be objective about. Nearly all of your feedback is going to be personal opinion. There are some story elements that will evoke strong personal feelings. They can be tropes, styles, specific characterizations, or squicks. In these cases, ask the writer to get another opinion on that particular aspect, or, if you really want to continue, find similar published content to review and see if you can get a better sense of how other writers have handled it.

Don’t get personal. Your feedback should talk about the characters, the narrator, the plotline, the sentence structure, or other aspects of the story. Avoid making ‘you’ statements or judgements, suggested or explicit, in your feedback. Unless you’re looking at grammar or spelling, most of the feedback you’ll have will be your opinion. Don’t present it as fact.

Your expectations of the writer/friend/group member you are working with may include:

Being gracious in accepting feedback. A writer may provide explanations for an issue you noticed or seek to discuss your suggestions. However, if they constantly argue with you, that may be an indicator to step back.

Being responsible for emotional reactions to getting feedback. While getting feedback can be hard on the ego and self esteem, that is something the writer needs to work on themselves. While you can provide reassurance and do emotional labor if you’re comfortable, it is also very reasonable to step back if the writer isn’t ready to do that work.

Making the final choice regarding changes to the work. The writer should have a degree of confidence in accepting or rejecting your feedback based on their own sense of the story. While they may consult you on this, the onus is on them to make changes that preserve the core of the story they want to tell.

Some people aren’t ready for feedback, even though they’re seeking it. You’re not signing up to be a psychologist, a best friend, or an emotional support editor. You can let people know in advance that these are your expectations, or you can just keep them in mind for your own mental health. As stated above, you can always step back from a project, and if writers aren’t able to follow these few guidelines, it might be a good time to do that. (It’s also worth making sure that, as a writer, you’re able to give these things to your beta/editor.)

Specificity is Key

One of the hardest things in editing is pinning down the ‘whys’ of unexciting work, so let’s split the writing into several components and talk about evaluations you can make for each one.

You can also give this list to your writer ahead of time as a checklist, to see which things they want your feedback on.

Generally, your goal is going to be to help people improve incrementally. Each story they write should be better than the previous one, so you don’t need to go through every component for every story you edit. Generally, I wouldn’t suggest more than 3 editing rounds on any single story that isn’t intended for publication. Think of the ‘many pots’ theory — people who are honing their craft will improve more quickly by writing a lot of stories instead of incessantly polishing one.

With this in mind, try addressing issues in the order below, from general to precise. It doesn’t make sense to critique grammar and sentence structure if the plot isn’t solid, and it can be very hard on a writer to get feedback on all these components at once. If a piece is an early or rough draft, try evaluating no more than four components at a time, and give specific feedback on what does and doesn’t work, and why.

High Level Components

Character arc/motivation:

Does each character have a unique voice, or do they all sound the same?

In dialogue, are character voices preserved? Do they make vocabulary and sentence-structure choices that fit with how they’re being portrayed?

Does each character have specific motivations and focuses that are theirs alone?

Does each character move through the plot naturally, or do they seem to be shoehorned/railroaded into situations or decisions for the sake of the plot? Be specific about which character actions work and which don’t. Tell the writer what you see as their motivation/arc and why—and point out specific lines that indicate that motivation to you.

Does each character's motivation seem to come naturally from your knowledge of them?

Are you invested (either positively or negatively) in the characters? If not, why not? Is it that they have nothing in common with you? Do you not understand where they’re coming from? Are they too perfect or too unsympathetic?

Theme:

It’s a good idea to summarize the story and its moral from your point of view and provide that insight to the writer. This can help them understand if the points they were trying to make come through. The theme should tie in closely with the character arcs. If not, provide detailed feedback on where it does and doesn’t tie in.

Plot Structure:

For most issues with plot structure, you can narrow them down to pacing, characterization, logical progression, or unsatisfying resolution. Be specific about the issues you see and, when things are working well, point that out, too.

Is there conflict that interests you? Does it feel real?

Is there a climax? Do you feel drawn into it?

Do the plot points feel like logical steps within the story?

Is the resolution tied to the characters and their growth? Typically this will feel more real and relevant and satisfying than something you could never have seen coming.

Is the end satisfying? If not, is it because you felt the end sooner and the story kept going? Is it because too many threads were left unresolved? Is it just a matter of that last sentence or two being lackluster?

Point Of View:

Is the point of view clear and consistent?

Is the writing style and structure consistent with that point of view? For example, if a writer is working in first person or close third person, the style of the writing should reflect the way the character thinks. This extends to grammar, sentence structure, general vocabulary and profanity outside of the dialogue.

If there is head hopping (where the point of view changes from chapter to chapter or section to section), is it clear in the first few sentences whose point of view you’re now in? Chapter headers can be helpful, but it should be clear using structural, emotional, and stylistic changes that you’re with a new character now.

Are all five senses engaged? Does the character in question interact with their environment in realistic, consistent ways that reflect how people actually interact with the world?

Sometimes the point of view can feel odd if it’s too consistent. Humans don’t typically think logically and linearly all the time, so being in someone’s head may sometimes be contradictory or illogical. If it’s too straightforward, it might not ‘feel’ real.

Be specific about the areas that don’t work and break them down based on the questions above.

Pacing:

Does the story jump around, leaving you confused about what took place when?

Do some scenes move quickly where others drag, and does that make sense within the story?

If pacing isn’t working, often it’s about the level of detail or the sentence structure. Provide detailed feedback about what you care about in a given scene to help a writer focus in.

Setting:

Is the setting clear and specific? Writing with specific place details is typically more rooted, interesting, and unique. If you find the setting vague and/or uninteresting and/or irrelevant, you might suggest replacing vague references — ‘favorite band’, ‘coffee shop on the corner’, ‘the office building’ — with specific names to ground the setting and make it feel more real.

It might also be a lack of specific detail in a scene that provides context beyond the characters themselves. Provide specific suggestions of what you feel like you’re missing. Is it in a specific scene, or throughout the story? Are there scenes that work well within the story, where others feel less grounded? Why?

Low Level Components

Flow/Sentence Structure:

Sentence length and paragraph length should vary. The flow should feel natural.

When finding yourself ‘sticking’ on certain sentences, provide specific feedback on why they aren’t working. Examples are rhythm, vocabulary, subject matter (maybe something is off topic), ‘action’ vs ‘explanation’, passive vs. active voice.

Style/Vocabulary:

Writing style should be consistent with the story — flowery prose works well for mythic or historical pieces and stories that use that type of language are typically slower moving. Quick action and short sentences are a better fit for murder mysteries, suspense, or modern, lighter fiction.

Style should be consistent within the story — it may vary slightly to show how quickly action is happening, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re reading two different stories.

SPAG (Spelling and Grammar):

Consider spelling and grammar in the context of the point of view, style and location of the story (eg, England vs. America vs. Australia).

If a point of view typically uses incorrect grammar, a SPAG check will include making sure that it doesn’t suddenly fall into perfect grammar for a while. In this case, consistency is going to be important to the story feeling authentic.

Word Count Requirements:

If the story has been written for a project, bang, anthology, zine, or other format that involves a required word count minimum or maximum, and the story is significantly over or under the aimed-for word count (30% or more/less), it may not make sense to go through larger edits until the sizing is closer to requirements. But, as a general rule, I’d say word count is one of the last things to worry about.

*

The best thing we can do for another writer is to keep them writing. Every single person will improve if they keep going. Encouragement is the most important feedback of all.

I hope this has helped you think about how you provide feedback. Let us know if you have other tips or tricks! This works best as a collaborative process where we all can support one another!

[absolutepokemontrash]

Kid!MC/Teen!MC Needs someone to go to Parent Teacher Interviews for Them and Guess Who’s Available?

Masterlist

The brothers being bad babysitters/dad figures is something I love very much, I bet you all could already tell that considering the Fic/Headcanon series I have going on. I would just like you all to know that Asmo’s section is based on a true story. Anyhoo~ onto the Headcanons!

Why? Why Him? (Lucifer)

Is MC really dumb, or are they just a kid? No one knows.

Obviously MC asked Lucifer, the only competent one in the house, the most professional, hard-working, controlled-

MC got their things together and gave Lucifer the run down on their teacher(s) before Lucifer got too absorbed in extolling his own virtues in an intense internal monologue.

News flash Lucifer, this isn’t a Shakespeare play, you can’t have a dramatic monologue or soliloquy about how great you think you are

At the actual meeting, if MC is in there, no, MC is not actually in there. Lucifer will speak to the teacher as if MC isn’t there. As someone whose not a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down kind of person, Lucifer expects the teacher to behave the same and not spare MC’s feelings.

Feelings do not deserve to be spared if MC is being a nuisance. No fake-kid/little sibling of his gets to be the class idiot!

If MC’s doing very well academically, he expects to be pointed at projects or tests they’ve done and the grade on it. It really makes him proud to see MC doing well.

Even if they’re not the best academically, if they’re not failing and they’re doing well in other aspects of school, he’s proud.

If MC really struggles in a school environment and just hates it there but they’re still keeping their head above water, they get a head pat of approval.

On the drive home, if MC came with him to the parent teacher interviews and everything went well, he just happens to turn onto the street that has a Baskin Robin’s or something of that caliber.

If they didn’t go, he picks something up on the way back.

No fun treats if MC is being a disruptive little heathen in class, no kid under Lucifer’s care is going to be the class Mammon. Not on his watch.

MC was busily stuffed their face with the treats that were gifted to them. Lucifer had to hold himself back from rolling his eyes at the kid’s blatant disregard for basic table manners when it came to sweets.

“Is everything the teacher said true?” Lucifer asked, MC looked up at him with a smile.

“Yep!”

“Good, good.” Lucifer held out his hand and patted them on the head. “You’re doing well. Keep it up.”

“Geez,” MC mumbled as they continued to stuff their face. “Can you get anymore affectionate?”

“Don’t be sarcastic, MC. It’s uncouth.” Lucifer said sternly. “Besides, I’ll have you know that many people enjoy my headpats. I’m quite affectionate.”

“Really now? Name one person.”

Lucifer opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He and MC stared each other down, one pair of eyes much more nervous than the other. Spoiler, MC was still calmly eating their treat as they maintained eye contact.

“…Cerberus.”

“If you’re reaching for Cerberus, you’ve already lost.”

…his pride was under attack. Right in front of his desert…

“You’re grounded.”

“Worth it.”

*Rides by on a Skateboard* School is for NERDS (Mammon)

Pff! Stupid human! He’s not goin’ to some lame parent teacher conference-

Wait! What’s with that face?! Ugh… fine. MC’s gone and forced his hand with those damn puppy dog eyes…

Mammon does not dress up for this event, he dresses like he would every day, maybe throw on some designer stuff to let all the parents and teachers know he’s hot shit.

If MC goes with him, he pulls up in his beloved car and takes up two parking spaces (pure evil.). Every parent present already hates him, but at least the other kids there are impressed with MC’s sweet ride. MC would have gained some street cred if Mammon hadn’t managed to trip up the stairs to the classroom in front of everyone.

He’ll act way to casual with the teacher, turning the parent chair backwards and sitting down so he can lean on the seat.

Mammon gets bored crazy quickly while the teacher lists and explains all the stuff the class is learning, so his eyes begin to wander to any and all displays in the classroom. Projects, annoying posters, class pet, anything is more interesting than this teacher’s explanation.

When MC finally becomes the main topic of the interview, he’s all ears. MC’s doing great in school academically? Ha! Nerd! Maybe giving MC a playful noogie and interrupting the whole interview wasn’t a good idea, but whatever.

If MC’s failing anything, or just isn’t that gifted when it comes to grades, it’s very much a “Aw man me too” from Mammon.

This teacher is speaking with the Great Mammon, the first demon in RAD’s history to fail three semesters in a row. If this teacher thinks bad grades will phase him, they’re dead wrong.

Grades don’t mean anythin’ about smarts anyway! I mean, look at him! He’s a fuckin’ genius but he can’t get through a history test without sobbing even though he LIVED THROUGH MOST OF IT.

MC gets treats no matter what’s up in class. Though, if MC didn’t go with him, he’s likely to forget and just order something for the two of them when he gets back home.

“Goddamn teachers and their rambling!” Mammon whined, grabbing a slice of pizza from the open box on his coffee table. “You owe me, MC! Ya really do!”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” MC said, they leaned over and rolled a pizza slice into a pizza-scroll then proceeded to eat it like a veggie roll. “How do you think I feel, listening to them every day? You know how long it takes to get to the actual class material?”

“Five years?”

“Ugh! Five years if I’m lucky! I swear, I know more about my teacher’s grievances with like… five of my classmates than I do about trigonometry, and guess which one’s on the test next week?”

Mammon winced in sympathy, then remembered he was supposed to be whining and went back to it. “School’s shit and a waste of money, ya should drop out as soon as you can and help me run my new business.”

“You mean your pyramid scheme?”

“It’s not a pyramid scheme, MC! It’s legit! It’s a multi-tiered marketing-”

“It’s a pyramid scheme.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOCIAL INTERACTION (Leviathan)

Everyone else must have been sick or something for MC to have asked Levi. He’d flat out refuse to go otherwise.

So, Levi couldn’t exactly go to the interview in his usual “I haven’t left my room or changed clothes in eight weeks” look. With the help of MC, he was able to find his military uniform at the back of his closet.

Asmo nearly fainted when he saw Levi in the uniform, not because “oooo, a man in uniform~”, it was because the outfit was so crumpled and wrinkled that it made it physically painful to look at. No time to iron and wash, the conference was in an hour!

Levi (and MC if they went with) rolled up to the school in a less than impressive ride, but one look at the uniform and all the other people present went “yep, time to be respectful (tm)”

For the first time in his life Levi was more intimidating than Lucifer! And he wasn’t even trying!

When the teacher starts explaining the course material, Levi spaces off in horror as he realizes he remembers literally nothing from school (AND HE’S STILL IN SCHOOL!) all that’s running through his head is “A squared + B squared = C squared” and “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”.

The actual interview was the least interesting part of the trip, the real stuff happened when Levi passed by some art on display in the hallway and something caught his eye-

Those colours… that hair… that adorable smile..!

IT WAS HER! LEVI’S PRECIOUS RURI-CHAN IN ALL HER GLORY!

Levi immediately started fawning over the art class fanart and by sheer coincidence, one of the kids walking through the hallway happened to notice.

The kid asked MC if their… parent and or guardian liked anime. MC responded with “obviously.” Levi then asked the kid if they drew his adorable Ruri-chan. The kid said no, and that they drew the My Hero Academia fanart a few rows down.

Levi was absolutely floored that there were two anime fans in one class, then his entire world shattered when MC explained there was more anime art inside the art room and other classrooms.

H-hang on… did that mean that… a lot of people here… liked anime..?

Levi needed a while to process. No snacks on the way home…

Levi and MC were sat in the back of their Uber, Levi, the Avatar of Envy himself, was having his entire sense of reality warped. S-so much anime fanart… in a school of all places..! What did this mean for the future of anime?!

“Levi. Stop.” MC sighed. “If this were an anime, the camera angle would be doing that thing where it’s right on the bridge of your nose and dramatic music plays in the background.”

“S-so many kids in your class like a-anime huh..?” Levi stuttered, weakly trying to smile. “Must be nice..?”

“Oh, that’s just my class. The other classes and grades have their fans too.”

“Oh… really?”

“Levi,” MC stopped looking out the window and looked at the otaku that was having a full scale silent mental breakdown. “Anime isn’t even a niche interest anymore. It’s a pretty casual thing to watch now. At least a third of my class watches- Levi?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH! ANIME! A THIRD OF THE CLASS?! ANIME… HIS PRECIOUS ANIME… WAS BECOMING A NORMIE INTEREST! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

“Levi?” MC waved their hand in front of their spaced out demon’s face. “Leviiiii? Okay he’s dead.”

The Know it All (Satan)

Ah, a smart choice, MC. Satan would be glad to help further their education. He’ll do everything in his power to make sure that the human’s brain is fed all that sweet sweet knowledge.

Satan can’t dress himself normally, MC had to coax him into a suit jacket, but he still only wore one sleeve.

MC was coming along to the interviews whether they wanted to or not, it’s important to hear what they need to improve on from the teacher themselves after all.

The two arrived pretty early, so Satan asked MC for a tour of the school. It was pretty tame until they reached the library. Satan was horrified at the state of some of the books…

Their spines lined with duct tape… pages missing and torn… someone apparently used a taco as a book mark…

The first thing Satan does when it’s time for his interview is demand the teacher take better care of the library, even though they’re not the librarian. MC tries to explain this, but Satan is too distraught to listen to reason.

He enjoyed hearing about the course material, but he made it known if MC thinks the assignments are too easy that they need to be given more challenging work. THEIR BRAIN NEEDS TO BE STIMULATED DAMN IT.

It was up to MC to either agree with Satan and nod to the teacher, or make frantic eye contact with them to try and communicate “NO DON’T PLEASE”.

Similar to (ugh) Lucifer, as long as MC is doing their best, he’s happy for them.

…but if they are in any way in the running for valedictorian he is HELPING THEM WIN.

He decided to stop at a cafe or bookstore to let MC pick out a “congrats on surviving your pitiful school” present after the interviews.

MC gleefully perused the shelves of the bookstore, there were so many books too look at…

“I’ll buy you as many books as you’d like, MC, just,” Satan shuddered slightly. “Promise me you won’t treat them like those poor library books…”

MC put their hand over their heart. “I swear on the duct taped book spines that I will never treat a book like that.”

“Good… good…” Satan breathed a sigh of relief and went back to looking at his book about cats.

“Are you… reading a Warrior Cats book..?” MC asked tentatively.

“Yes, why?”

“Satan, put that back.”

“I Will Seduce the Teacher For the Sake of Your Grades, Don’t Worry.” (Asmodeus)

Oh MC dear! He’d be delighted to go! Just let him get ready~

Asmo may not be the best choice, but he was at least going to be the best dressed person at that conference. (And MC just had to come too so all the other parents could be jealous of how well coordinated their outfits are)

He teased MC a little by saying he was going to flirt with their teacher to make sure they passed the class, but he was just kidding! …but he made sure to ask if their teacher was cute, he needed to know!

While waiting for his turn, Asmo flirts with some of the single parents, if he doesn’t see a wedding ring, they’re fair game.

Once his time slot arrived, MC realized that Asmo is one of those “my child has done and will do nothing wrong ever” types. This may have ended up working in MC’s favour if they were a class nuisance.

If MC is doing very well in sports, clubs, grades, anything, Asmo is fawning over them and gushing to the teacher about how great, smart and adorable they are.

Asmo surprisingly does not exactly flirt with the teacher, he was just teasing MC after all. But um… if MC’s teacher just happens to be cute and young, he may turn up the charm, just a little. Enough to make the teacher giggle and make MC cover their face in embarrassment.

After the interviews Asmo will probably schedule a nice day out for the two of them, shopping, a movie, mani pedis, something fun!

The real weird stuff happens in the months after the interviews… if Asmo did lightly flirt with the teacher, MC gets quite a few questions about their guardian. Questions that ask if Asmo is single in not as many words…

Oh lord, MC’s teacher developed a crush on Asmo.

Nail painting night was supposed to be a fun occasion, but MC was hopping mad and embarrassed. Asmo didn’t seem to notice as he continued to paint the little human’s nails.

“And then I told Phenex to get lost. The nerve of that little monster, right MC?” When MC didn’t reply, Asmo looked up and tilted his head. “MC?”

MC’s angry face would have been much more threatening if they weren’t just so adorable, but it was getting the message across.

“MC..?”

“Asmo.” MC’s glare deepened. “My teacher wants to know if you’re single.”

Asmo blinked a few times, before he hit his tongue to keep from laughing. “Really now~. I knew they’d be madly in love with me-”

“WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIIS?!”

Oh My Demon King is That a BAKE SALE?! (Beel)

Of course Beel said yes! He’d gladly go to MC’s parent teacher interview!

He even put on a nice outfit :D he ended up looking a bit like a secret serviceman guarding MC, the tiny president.

Beel stopped for McDonald’s on the way there, all the other kids were so jealous of MC when they stepped out of the car eating fries.

But a little something something caught Beel’s eye when he and MC walked into the school… was that a… bake sale?

MC quickly explained that the bake sale was fundraiser for their class trip that year and the snacks weren’t complimentary. He had to pay.

And pay Beel did. He cleared out the entire table. MC’s grade’s overnight trip was going to be decadent as hell. That was no longer a crowd funded thing, that trip was privately funded by a tall buff ginger secret service member and this tiny in comparison child.

Kids are incredibly blunt, just like Beel, so when a random kindergarten kid wandered over, looked up at Beel, and very knowingly said “you’re very tall”. Beel was like “yeah”. The kid then said “what’s it like being that tall?”

Beel’s response to this kid’s question was to pick them up and hold them for a few seconds before placing them back down. For just a few moments this kid knew what it like to be over 6’4. Of course, more kids swarmed in and asked to be picked up.

Sure it was cute, but Beel now has an army of kids ranging from kindergarteners to third graders.

Finally, the conference actually began. Beel snacked the entire time and dutifully listened to everything the teacher had to say.

After the interviews are over, he checks with MC to make sure everything the teacher said was true and that they weren’t lying. If all was well, the two made their exit.

They stopped at Wendy’s on the way home.

“I’m so full…” MC groaned, Beel held up a massive cookie.

“So I can eat this?”

“No. Gimme that.” MC took a very defeated bite out of it. “My stomach says no but my mouth says yes…”

“I don’t want you to get a stomachache, MC,” Beel said worriedly. “No more snacks.”

“It’s a little late for that. It’s past nine and I’m still eating, there’s no way I’m getting to sleep at a reasonable hour.”

“Oh…” Beel mumbled. “I may have not completely thought this through.”

“*Snore* Huh? Wha? MC’s Grades? Uh… Fuck…” (Belphie)

MC must be failing a class or something because why on earth would they pick Belphie otherwise.

They ask him to go while he’s delirious from just waking up from a nap, he sort of half nods and mumbles some gibberish before going back to sleep.

MC had to basically carry his ass to the school. Belphie drooled all over them in the waiting room, and when it was their time to go into the interview, Belphie had to be manually put into the chair and slapped awake.

He barely listens, he just sits and nods along with whatever the teacher is saying. The teacher could say MC brought an alligator to school and he’d just go “uh huh…” “mmmph… yep…” “really now?” then yawn.

The only thing that could possibly get Belphie to be interested is if MC is studying space. If they are, than boy howdy is Belphie suddenly interested in their education.

Other than that? *snore*

If MC is in fact failing or doing poorly, MC’s teacher asks to see another one of MC’s guardians at a later date. Their plan failed miserably.

MC drags Belphie out of the school and yells at him for not helping them. Belphie, still sleep delirious, tries to press the snooze button. MC does not have a snooze button.

“Belphie!” MC shouted, shaking the Avatar of Sloth awake. The House of Lamentation’s resident bastard was somehow sleeping standing up outside. “HOW COULD YOU?!”

“Eh?” Belphie half-snorted and looked around confused. “What’d I do? Where are we?”

“At my school! You said that you’d go to my parent teacher interviews!”

“…MC I don’t think I’d pass well for you.”

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO AS MY GUARDIAN!”

“Sheesh,” Belphie murmured while he rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes. “You humans are so noisy.”

MC looked up at their dearest demon friend, and gave him their best glare. “I’m going to take all your fancy temperature changing pillows and switch them with normal pillows you traitorous bastard.”

[dourpeep]

The men of Genshin as romance types:

This just kind popped up in my head after thinking about Xiao's characterization! I might add to this in the future, but for now it's just a small list of headcanons + a short blurb :>

Contains: Lots of fluff, lightly suggestive

Features: Albedo, Venti, Kaeya, Xiao, Zhongli, Childe, and Diluc

Note: you can be soft and still top btw, this is only for how they'd be romantically

Sweet:

Albedo

Albedo is also shown canonically to do little gestures like give people the sketch he did of them to see them smile, this man might seem kinda standoffish at first, but he's not cold

From his voicelines and story, we also know that Albedo is the type of person to think pretty deeply about everything around him

His brain goes 100 miles an hour with all the possibilities and scenarios he can think of

So with his s/o, the best thing that could happen is that he'll take the time to really slow down and unwind

Being a busy, busy man in pursuit of knowledge beyond anyone's comprehension, Albedo rarely gets time off (his sketches are considered research, in a way, no?)

So once he's finally at home, there will be lots of little shows of affection

Passing behind you, perhaps a light touch on your back or shoulder to let you know he's there

On a particularly rough day, he'll sit facing you with his forehead resting on your chest and just--take your hands and put them in his hair

Not really the type to pamper, but there's no doubt of his love

Probably the type of guy to like sitting close in silence

Maybe on the nights you cook, he'll come and wrap his arms around your waist, head leaning on your shoulder as he watches you work

Quietly, you lay on the couch tangled up in his arms, the soft sound of breathing and the light warmth you feel lulling you to sleep. It seems that, even though Albedo is left half asleep from a long day of research, he still continues to trace mindless little patterns on the back of your hand with his thumb. You shift, and he hums, pulling you closer.

Venti

The man’s been through so much, honestly

He's lost his closest friend, helped a rebellion usurp a tyrant, been through a war that lasted centuries, watched as another friend he'd known since birth fall to corruption (but ultimately was saved)

Point being, he's tired and just wants to have his fun

True to his nature, he likes to tease and poke at his s/o, but nothing that can't be undone (after all, a prank isn't funny if it's permanent)

Hand holding, is a must! Venti is a very affectionate person who isn't afraid to express his feelings when it comes to his s/o

Lots of smooches too! (Please smooch him back)

Speaking of hands and smooches, he's the type to bring your hand to his lips and give each your fingertips a little kiss. They've done so much for you and allow him the joy of holding them, so it's the least he can do!

His type of love is free and sweeter than the scent of cecelias, soft as the wind that kisses your skin

Really, he wants to be able to treasure you as much as he can in the time you have together

Today was a picnic date kind of day. A basket filled with fresh, ripe sunsettias and a few dishes you both worked together to make (mostly you, after what happened with Venti's apple cake) sat on top of a sturdy blanket laid on the grass. Head laid in your lap, the wandering bard strummed idly on his lyre, adding a lovely backdrop to an already perfect day.

Romantic:

Kaeya

Of course, the suave Captain doesn't stop with honeyed words

Mysterious as he is, he takes what he does in stride

If he could spend all his life entwined with you, he'd die a happy man

Kaeya is the type of partner to romance with candlelight and nighttime strolls on the beach

A little cheesy, yes, but all the more to sweep you off your feet

Flirty, he likes to take his time with his love and while he similarly treasures his s/o, it's in the way the fairytales are written

Perhaps a little cliche at times

Nevertheless, he's the type of partner to sweep you into a dance despite there being no music and dip you low (whether you both lose balance and fall is up to gravity)

He'll show his affection physically, whether through a quick kiss when you stop by the Favonious Knight's HQ, or pulling you close when you walk through a crowd on a market day

Teasing is also a big thing, if he can make you blush, his mission is accomplished

In privacy, expect his treatment to be the same--it wouldn't do any good if he leaves his dear s/o confused about how he feels

Once again, you take his hand and he sweeps you into a lively waltz, sweeping across the living room floor. Not once do his eyes leave yours. All he ever needs is the feel of you close and the rush of his heart in his chest that bubbles into something fonder when your laugh reaches his ears.

Xiao

Not the best with words, Xiao shows his love through his actions

Little gifts, helping now and then with commissions and clearing the road, he'll do it all with no expectation of thanks (should you thank him, he'll be extremely grateful for the recognition but also perhaps unsure how to react)

He doesn't tend towards physically showing affection to his s/o, so when he does, expect them to show his utter devotion

Often, Xiao questions what it is that he did to deserve such a love, but as soon as you appear in his view, it no longer matters because as long as you believe him to be worthy, why wouldn't he be?

His love is based deeply in trust. The heart is a fragile thing and to someone who's suffered so much in his lifetime, he guards it fiercely to protect himself

When he finally does allow himself the comfort of a relationship, he'll soak it up entirely

Nights spent stargazing on the top of Wangshu Inn, pinkies intertwined, or bodies held together tightly with the sweet exchange of breath

Every touch that he offers is gentle, reverent, and serves to remind him that what he's experiencing is real

He tried, really, for the thing on the plate to turn out the way that you usually make it. It's a far cry from what he remembers, but you set it down and bring your hands to his face. The sight of your beaming smile warms him deeply and he pulls you in close for a kiss.

Zhongli

Be still, my beating heart-

Just as he's full of information from the flowers of Liyue to the deepest cracks in the soil, he loves fully and unapologetically

He's lived through many eras and seen so much that it's hard to not want to express how he feels as he feels it

Deeply appreciative of whatever his s/o does and does for him

He indulges in every word, touch, feeling, and look- He's not a greedy man, but when it comes to love? There's a deep desire to feel it all

There are many ways that Zhongli expresses that love, a few being through your daily strolls through Liyue Harbor and the daily and nightly rituals the two of you have settled down into

His favorite is probably the mornings

There's something about waking up wrapped up in your lover's arms, head resting on their chest as the sun's warm beams shine through the windows that's utterly satisfying

Zhongli indulges in these little moments, favoring them over all else

Once in a while, he'll take you back to where your first date was to reminisce, perhaps even (jokingly) mention little embarrassing things either of you did

Zhongli watches as you sip at your drink and admires the way the sun compliments your eyes. You're preoccupied by the falling leaves, it seems, mentioning how they're just as brilliant gold as his. Though the feeling he feels is far from the excitement of butterflies, it has settled into a comforting sort of warmth that hopes you feel as well.

Passionate:

Childe

This man's love is wild like his personality

Loud, fun, and never quite predictable, he loves like a whirlwind and with an enthusiasm to match no other

Lots of teasing going on here, to make you blush or to mess with you, you'll never know

But it's his unapologetic fire that drew you to him to begin with

When he's not occupied with work, he'll drag you to go sight seeing

Every experience is a new experience, no matter if it's something that seems so everyday or not

His affection is in the form of tightly held hands (he doesn't want to lose you with how quickly he weaves through the crowd), well-placed winks, and kisses to steal your breath away

He also loves in a way that's fiercely protective. His job is a dangerous one and, with the way he's open with your relationship, his affection serves to protect you

But don't forget that despite his passion, he's a man who deeply treasures those close to him and, as his s/o, you'll be showered with only the best he can give you

It was only a quick break in your day, he'd assured, but it quickly became another round of seeing Liyue through his eyes. In the span of only an hour, you've already spotted an untouched patch of glaze lilies, sampled rich Li-style cuisine and fresh Yue-style cuisine, helped a young girl fetch her kite from atop a tree, and now are working your way (or rather, Childe is working your way for you) to a little area behind the busy streets to show you a pack of dogs he'd befriended. Fondly, you smile and watch as he beckons them out of hiding.

Diluc

Diluc lives for the way that his s/o brings the best out of him and, in return, he does the same back

He exudes the air of a gentleman with the way he shows his affection, but, whether intentionally or not, in an utterly enticing way

Being busy during the day with running the tavern and the winery as well as at night as the Darknight Hero (he insists you stop calling him that as well, but you don't miss the light flush of pride each time), the time he dedicates to you is left in the early morning long before you leave for the day and the evening as he settles just before he sets off

During morning time, he's often fond of running his hands over you, feeling each dip and curve, memorizing the way your hair falls and the way your lips curve when you smile

It's a quiet sort of passion

His love is expressed in the fond murmurs against your shoulder and head, sharing those moments of deep intimacy both physical and not

In the evenings, you both settle in front of the fireplace, sharing a drink or two

There's sometimes a certain look in his eye that sets your heart aflame in the dimly lit room, and sometimes he sets off a little later that night in lieu of a few more stolen moments with you

Diluc slides into your shared bed in the early hours of the morning, a bit later than usual. The shift stirs you just enough to wake up to two arms pulling you to his chest and a deep breath with his nose buried in your hair. He's no doubt exhausted. Eyes bleary, you turn until you're facing him and loosely wrap an arm around his waist. In the moments you're still half-awake, you hear a low murmur of 'love you' and you smile against his skin.

[thimbil]

Having some thoughts about the references and inspirations used for the Bad Batch’s designs.

So Boba Fett is my absolute favorite character and Temeura Morrison was perfect casting. I went to see the 2008 TCW movie in theaters because I was so excited to see him again, even if he was animated. You can imagine my disappointment. Whoever was on screen was not Temeura Morrison. You could sort of see a resemblance if you squinted and didn’t think too hard about it. They replaced Temeura with Racially Ambiguous G.I. Joe. If I didn’t know better and someone told me the animated clones are space Italians from the moon of New Jersey I would buy it. One Million Brothers Pizzeria and Italian Bistro. Not that there’s something wrong with being space Italian, I just don’t think it’s the right choice for the Fetts. The design got slightly improved by season 7 but it still bugs the hell out of me.

I did eventually get into the show later and (of course) got invested in the clones. Unfortunately, they were largely sidelined by the Jedi storylines. Out of the two new main characters created for TCW, Ahsoka definitely got more development and focus than Rex. When they announced The Bad Batch, I was excited to see a show specifically devoted to the clones… at least that’s what it said on the tin. We have all seen what lurks beneath those stylish helmets.

Jango Fett, you are NOT the father.

So who is?

Based on interviews with Filoni, it sounds like the Bad Batch was a George Lucas idea. And like all his ideas, it’s super derivative. The original trilogy directly lifted elements from sci fi serials, westerns, and samurai movies, more specifically Kurosawa films like The Hidden Fortress. For The Bad Batch character designs, the influence is obviously American action and adventure movies.

Now let’s get specific. Bad Batch, who’s your daddy?

Hunter

Sylvester Stallone as Rambo in First Blood 1982. That bandana has become an integral part of the iconic action hero look. You see a character wearing one and it’s a visual shorthand for either “this character is a tough guy” like Billy played by Sonny Landham in Predator 1987, or “this character thinks he is/wants to be a tough guy” like Brand played by Josh Brolin in The Goonies 1985 or Edward Frog played by Corey Feldman in The Lost Boys 1987.

Hunter’s model is closest to the original clone base. If you look closely you will see the eyebrows are straighter with a much lower angle to the arch. His nose is also not the same shape as a standard clone like Rex, including a narrower bridge. It’s certainly not Temeura Morrison’s nose. Remember what I said about space Italians? It didn’t take much to push the existing clone design to resemble an specific Italian man instead of a specific Māori man. The 23&Me came back, and Hunter inherited more than the bandana from Sylvester.

Crosshair

The long narrow nose, the sharp cheekbones, the scowl. That’s no clone, that’s just animated Clint Eastwood. Not even Young and Hot Clint Eastwood from Rawhide 1959-1965. With that hair, I’m talking Gran Torino 2008. The man of few words schtick and family friendly toothpick in lieu of cigar are pure Eastwood as The Man With No Name from Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns A Fist Full of Dollars 1964, For a Few Dollars More 1965, and The Good the Bad and the Ugly 1966.

In a way, this is full circle because the actor Jeremy Bulloch took inspiration from Clint Eastwood for his performance as Boba Fett in ESB.

Wrecker

In an interview Filoni lists the Hulk as an (obvious) inspiration for Wrecker. Ever seen the old Hulk tv show from 1978? Well take a look at the actor who played him, Lou Ferrigno. Would you look at that. Even has his papa’s nose.

You could make the argument that Wrecker was influenced by The Rock, an appropriately buff ‘n bald Polynesian (Samoan, not Maori) man. But look at him next his Fast and Furious costar Vin Diesel and tell me which one resembles Wrecker’s character model more.

Tech

Tech is a little trickier for me to place. If he has a more direct inspiration it must be something I haven’t seen. That said, his hairline is very Bruce Willis as John McClane in Die Hard 1988. His quippiness and large glasses remind me of Shane Black as Hawkins from Predator 1987. In terms of his face, he looks a but like the result of McClane and Hawkins deciding to settle down and start a family. Although, Tech’s biggest contributors are probably just everyone on TV Trope’s list for Smart People Wear Glasses.

And finally,

Echo

Oh Echo. Considering he wasn’t created for the Bad Batch, he probably wasn’t based on a particular character or movie. But if I had to guess, his situation and appearance remind me a lot of Alex Murphy played by Peter Weller in Robocop 1987. However, Robocop explored the Man or Machine Identity Crisis with more nuance, depth, and dignity. Yikes.

The exact tropes and references used in The Bad Batch have been done successfully with characters who aren’t even human. Gizmo from Gremlins 2: The New Batch 1990 had a brief stint with the Rambo bandana. I could have picked any number of characters for Defining Feature Is Glasses but here is the most cursed version of Simon of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Suffer as I have. Marc Antony with his beloved Pussyfoot from Looney Tunes has the same tough guy with a soft center vibe as Wrecker and his Lula (also a kind of cat). Hell, in the same show we have Cad Bane sharing Cowboy Clint Eastwood with Crosshair. I actually think Bane makes a better Eastwood which is wild considering Crosshair has Eastwood’s entire face and Bane is blue.

So we’ve established you don’t need your characters to look exactly like their inspirations to match their vibe. So why go through the trouble and cost of creating completely new character designs instead of recycling and altering assets they already had on hand? Just slap on a bandana, toothpick, goggles, and make Wrecker bigger than the others while he does a Hulk pose and you’re done. Based on the general reaction to Howzer it would have been a low effort slam dunk crowd pleaser.

But they didn’t do that.

So here’s the thing. I like the tropes used in The Bad Batch. I am a fan of action adventure movies from the 80s-90s, the sillier the better. I am part of the Bad Batch’s target audience. Considering what I know about Disney and Lucasfilm, I went in with low expectations. I genuinely don’t hate the idea of seeing references to these actors and media in The Bad Batch. I don’t think basing these characters on tropes was a bad idea. If anything it’s a solid starting point for building the characters.

The trouble is nothing got built on the foundation. The plot is directionless, the pacing is wacky, and the characters have nearly no emotional depth or defining character arcs. They just sort of exist without reacting much while the story happens around them. But I can excuse all of that. You don’t stay a fan of Star Wars as long as I have not being able to cherrypick and fill in the gaps. This show has a deeper issue that shouldn’t be ignored.

Why do the animated clones bear at best only a passing resemblance to their live action actor? In interviews, Filoni wouldn’t shut up but the technological advancements in the animation for season 7. So if they are updating things, why not try to make the clones a closer match to their source material? Why did they have to look like completely different people in The Bad Batch to be “unique”? Looking like Temeura Morrison would have no bearing on their special abilities and TCW proved you can have identical looking characters and still have them be distinct. In fact, that’s a powerful theme and the source of tragedy for the clones’ narrative overall.

Here’s Filoni’s early concept art of Crosshair, Wrecker, Tech, and Hunter. (Interesting but irrelevant: Wrecker seems to have a cog tattoo similar to Jesse’s instead of a scar. Wouldn’t it have been funny if they kept that so when they met in season 7 one if them could say something like “Hey we’re twins!” That’s a little clone humor. Just for you guys 😘)

None of these drawings look like the clones in TCW, much less Temeura Morrison. Let’s be generous. Maybe Filoni struggles with drawing a real person’s likeness, as many people do. But he had to hand this off to other artists down the line whose job specifically involves making a stylized character resemble their actor. Yet the final designs missed the mark almost as much as this initial concept. Starting to seem as if the clones looking more like Temeura Morrison was never even on the table. It wasn’t a lack of creativity, skill or technical limitations on the part of the creative team. I don’t think there is an innocent explanation. They went out of their way to make the final product exactly how we got it.

This goes beyond homage. They could have made the same pop culture references and character tropes without completely stripping Temeura Morrison from the role he originated. It was a very purposeful choice to replace him with more immediately familiar actors from established franchises and films. It wouldn’t shock me if Filoni, Lucas, and anyone else calling the shots didn’t even think hard or care enough about the decision to immediately recognize a problem. And I don’t think they believed anyone else would either. At least no one whose opinion they cared about. Those faces are comfortingly familiar and proven bankable. They are what we’re all used to seeing after all. They’re white.

Lack of imagination, bad intentions, or simple ignorance doesn’t really matter in the end. The result is the same. Call it what it is. They replaced a man of color with a bunch of white guys. That’s by the book garden variety run of the mill whitewashing. There’s no debate worth having about it. For a fanbase that loves to nitpick things like whether or not it’s in character for Han to shoot first or Jeans Guy in the Mandalorian, we sure are quick to find excuses for clones who look nothing like their template. Why is that? If you don’t see the problem, congratulations. Your ass is showing. Pull your jeans up.

[snelbz]

Life As We Know It {Chapter 21}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Occasional surprise chapters could be posted at miscellaneous times. Chapters will be posted on both my and Tara’s blogs! >> @tacmc.​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

Before Nesta even opened her eyes, she knew that she’d gotten some of the best sleep she’d had in months. She knew it was early, since Nyx hadn’t even woken them up for his morning bottle yet. Sighing comfortably, she settled deeper into her pillows, the weight of a heavy arm slung over her waist, pulling her in close.

With sudden clarity, she remembered the events of the night before. She remembered the damn kiss that had started it all. She remembered the orgasms Cassian had given her over and over. She remembered seeing something shining in his eyes that had nothing to do with lust or sex.

She was sure it was reflected in her own, but couldn’t work up the nerve to let herself think about what they’d done last night, what it may have implied. What lines they may have crossed.

And the fact that she really didn’t give a damn.

Nesta couldn’t remember the last time she was this happy, and as much as she tried to pretend it wasn’t thanks to the man sleeping soundly behind her, in her bed, she couldn’t lie to herself.

So she gently rolled over, careful not to wake him, and took in his sleeping face.

It was kind of funny.

Nesta had known Cassian for a while, for five years, and before that in passing, considering Feyre and Rhysand’s relationship. She had watched him age, had watched him grow from a young man into the man that had taken her the night before, but looking at him now…

There was an innocence about him when he slept.

He snored, quietly, completely unaware that she was awake, that she was watching him.

He was cute.

So, so cute.

If he awoke at that very moment and saw her watching him sleep, she would have surely been mortified, but she couldn’t bring herself to care, she couldn’t look away.

Memories from the night before flashed through her mind, and it only made her that much happier. She couldn’t remember the last time she had fallen asleep in a man’s arms, but with Cassian, she had fallen asleep peacefully, nearly instantly, and slept amazingly.

There was something about Cassian that she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but she knew that she liked it.

She dared to gently brush a kiss over his cheek, before carefully climbing out of bed, his heavy arm making that a much harder endeavor than she was expecting. But he slept on soundly, not even stirring as she slipped from beneath the sheets and hurried into her closet. She wasn’t embarrassed by her nakedness, not after everything that had happened last night, but she knew that if he caught her naked, they were likely to take far longer getting downstairs to start their morning.

Not that she would have minded, but she was pretty sure neglecting Nyx was not a good enough reason for sex.

No, she’d enjoy him again later, as thoroughly as he’d enjoyed her last night, if he was willing. And she had no doubt that he would be.

Tying her robe around her waist, Nesta slipped from the closet into her room, glancing to make sure Cassian was still fast asleep. His snore confirmed he was.

Her chuckle was quiet as she entered the hall, sneaking down a few doors and opening Nyx’s. He was still asleep, as well, and with a smile, Nesta cracked his door and quietly padded down the stairs.

The kitchen was still a mess, his half-smashed cake on the counter and their clothes strewn around the room. Blushing, she picked them up one by one and tossed them into the laundry room, before making Nyx a bottle and starting on some scrambled eggs for his breakfast.

She could hardly focus. She was constantly thinking about the man upstairs, still sleeping soundly in her bed. Mixing a little cheese into the eggs, she stirred the eggs up in the pan before dumping them directly onto Nyx’s high chair tray.

Last time they’d slept together, Cassian had made her breakfast and then they’d both agreed it would never happen again. Regardless of the fact that it very much had happened again, Nesta didn’t like the sinking feeling she felt in her heart when she thought about having to agree to that once more.

Staring at the ingredients she’d pulled out of the fridge, Nesta sighed and braced her hands on the counter in front of her.

She wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she couldn’t ignore the fact that she had feelings for Cassian anymore. At some point, he’d gone from being a pain in her ass to the favorite part of her day. And that terrified her.

Letting him continue to sleep, she crept upstairs and gently woke Nyx up before he could start screaming, and carried him down to the kitchen, his sleepy head resting on her shoulder. He rubbed his eyes as she put him in his high chair, handing him the bottle, and she started working on their breakfast.

The entire time he ate, Nyx watched Nesta curiously, as if he knew something was up.

Maybe it was just her paranoia. Then again, he was Feyre and Rhysand’s kid and they were always snooping into Cassian and Nesta’s business.

Feyre and Rhysand.

Nesta bet they were pretty damn proud of themselves at the moment.

She heard him moving around upstairs and her heart began to beat a little bit faster. This was it, the moment of truth.

She cursed, all the while Nyx kept watching her as he stuffed his mouth with scrambled eggs.

Making herself busy at the stove, she quickly dropped some bacon into the hot skillet, sizzling filling the kitchen. Within seconds, a few pieces of bread were in the toaster, and she was rummaging through the refrigerator for the blackberry jam she knew he preferred.

Nyx’s babbling announced his arrival, and she turned to find Cassian standing behind his high chair, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants slung low on his hips. He picked up a small clump of eggs and popped it into his mouth, and Nyx angrily began talking at him, though the made up words were unintelligible.

“He doesn’t like to share,” she said, closing the fridge door with a hip.

Cassian grinned. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. I worked up an appetite last night.”

Nesta’s cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. “Is that so?”

Cassian nodded and walked toward her, slowly. Nesta remained still until he was standing just in front of her. “I have to confess that I was hoping you’d be there when I woke up this morning.”

Nesta stepped closer to him. “Breakfast and the baby called.”

Cassian scoffed and muttered, “Priorities.”

Nesta laughed quietly, but the sound was muffled by Cassian’s lips against hers.

It was almost instinct to lean into him, to smile against his lips. When she pulled back just a hair, his hazel eyes were bright. She whispered, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he breathed, his mouth still so close to hers.

She blushed, even though she couldn’t figure out why and turned to the stove. “I…wasn’t sure what to expect this morning.”

Cassian hesitated. “What did you think I’d do?”

Nesta sighed, scratching her head. “I don’t know. I thought you might act like it never happened. Or, you’d say it was only a one time thing like last time.”

Cassian cocked his head to the side. “Last time I didn’t sleep in your bed.”

“And that changes things?” Nesta asked, quietly.

“Last night changed things,” Cassian replied, brushing her hair back out of her face. “At least, for me it did.”

“Me too,” Nesta replied, without any hesitation.

Cassian’s eyes softened. “Nesta, I-.”

“NANANANANANANANA!”

They both spun around, where Nyx was watching them with the most precious of pissed off expressions. His tray was empty, practically licked clean, and Nyx was not having it.

Cassian chuckled as he took a banana out of the fruit basket and peeled it before cutting it up into slices. “He’s awfully full of it this morning, isn’t he?”

“I think he knows,” she said, rolling her eyes as she flipped the bacon. “Not specifically what happened, but he knows something is…different between us.”

He paused his cutting and turned back to her, pausing with a hip resting on the counter. “Good different or bad different?”

“Good different,” she said, smiling. She cracked a few eggs into a bowl and mixed them up with some milk. “Definitely good different.”

For a moment, Cassian didn’t say anything, but when she turned he was grinning. “Really good different?”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Shut up.” She turned back around. “But yes.”

“Good,” he breathed, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. “What’ve you got going on today?”

“Work,” she said. “Seeing how the bar renovation is going. Looks like you’ll have to hire your replacement soon with how quickly everything is moving.”

Cassian groaned. “That’s the part I’m looking towards the least. I hate interviews. I hate being in them, I hate giving them, they’re awful.”

“But the sooner you give them, the sooner you leave that bar and come work at mine,” she crooned.

“Yours?” he repeated, offended.

Nesta snorted. “Ours.”

He and Kallias had both given their notice to the owner of the dive bar they worked in. He wasn’t thrilled, but he had always been a gruff bastard. He’d informed Cassian he wasn’t going anywhere until he’d hired not only his replacement, but Kal’s, as well.

“Speaking of,” he sighed, glancing at the clock. “I’ve got one scheduled for eleven-thirty. What time are you going to the restaurant?”

She poured the egg mixture into the skillet she’d cooked the crispy bacon in moments before and began laying the bacon on the toast she’d made. “Whenever,” she shrugged. “Helion is opening today. What time can Viviane be here?”

“Ten. I’m not working a shift today, so after the interview I can either come back here and give her the rest of the day off, or I can come to the restaurant.”

Nesta chewed slowly as she thought about it. “I wouldn’t mind if you came to the restaurant.”

“Then that’s what I’ll do,” Cassian said, placing the cut-up banana in front of a cranky Nyx. “And you, little man, better be good for Viv today. Because you’re grumpy.”

In response, Nyx spit out the piece of banana he had put in his mouth and smushed up the rest on his tray.

After scarfing down the breakfast that Nesta had made, and making a show of thanking her for it, Cassian was cleaning up the kitchen then hurrying upstairs to shower. Nesta was left cleaning up a fussy, banana-covered Nyx.

“I don’t even think you wanted to eat the banana, kiddo,” she muttered, cleaning off his tray, before wiping him down with an ungodly amount of baby wipes. “I think it was just to play in.”

He had plenty to say about that, just nothing Nesta could understand.

A few minutes later, freshly showered and dressed Cassian came downstairs, where Nyx was playing on the living room floor. She was up the stairs a minute later, hurrying to take her own shower. After an hour, she returned, purse and keys in hand. “I’m going to go ahead and head to the restaurant. I’ll see you in a little while?”

He nodded and as she made for the door, Cassian stood, catching her by the elbow and tugging her back to him. She stumbled a step, but he crushed her to his chest and pressed a kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, they were both grinning like fools. “I’ll see you in a little while,” he repeated.

“Okay.” She was backing towards the door, that smile looking like it was a permanent fixture on her face, before slipping out and leaving he and Nyx alone.

Who was watching him again, looking so much like Rhysand with that little eyebrow raised.

Cassian couldn’t help but snort and say, “This is your fault you know.”

A few hours later, right after Nyx had gone down for his mid- morning nap, Cassian heard a knock on the front door. Opening the door, Viviane rushed in. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said, shaking her head.

Cass glanced at the clock on the mantle. “It’s barely ten-fifteen,” he chuckled. “No big deal, you’re fine.”

She nodded. “Sorry, just— It’s been a crazy morning.”

“Everything okay?” Cassian asked. Viv was usually steady, so sure of everything she did or said.

“Yeah,” she replied, waving off his question. “I’m fine. Ran into my ex at the coffee shop and— Ugh, ignore me. Don’t worry about it. Is Nyx down for his nap?”

“Yeah, he’s been out for about fifteen minutes. He had a pretty big breakfast, so I doubt he’ll be too hungry when he wakes up.” Cassian gnawed on his lip for a second debating on whether he should ask what was on his mind. After considering how well throwing caution to this wind has worked for him last night, he decided why the hell not. “Does that mean you’re single? Since you bumped into your ex?”

Viviane froze and blinked. “Yes, but I don’t date my employers—”

“No, no,” he quickly said, holding his hands out in placation. “It’s not me. It’s a friend of mine and I think you two might hit it off.”

Viviane raised a brow. “A friend, huh?”

“Guy I’ve worked with for years,” Cassian went on. “Great guy, in fact. You’ll enjoy yourself, guaranteed.”

“Guaranteed?” Viviane chuckled. “Well, I can’t say no to that, can I?”

Cassian grinned. “No, you can’t, and neither can he. Tomorrow night, you free?”

“I suppose I am, if my boss is giving me the night off,” she laughed.

“He is, and it’ll be great, we’ll all go out,” Cassian said. “You and Kal, and me and Nesta.”

“Kal,” she said, the shortened name rolling off her tongue. “Yeah, alright. That sounds fun.”

“Perfect,” Cassian said, patting her on the shoulder as he swept past her. “I’ve got to get going, but we should be home around five or so. Call if you need anything.”

Viviane chuckled. “You say that every time, and have I ever called?”

“It’s a habit!” he called, as he hurried out the door.

When he got to the bar, Kallias had everything under control, which meant Cassian was taking a table in the far corner, waiting for his interviewee to arrive.

Sadly, this wasn’t the interview to replace his own job. That was proving to be far more tedious than he was expecting. But an hour later, after shaking the young man’s hand, Cassian let out a sigh of relief as he left.

“And how’d that go?” Kallias asked, wiping down a few glasses that were drying atop the bar.

“Well, your position is officially filled,” he replied, sitting across from him at the bar. “So congratulations.”

“Cheers,” he chuckled, raising the empty glass towards Cassian. “When are we celebrating?”

“Tomorrow night, actually,” Cassian said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kal snorted. “Seriously? I was kidding.”

“I’m not,” Cassian replied, shrugging. “We’re going out tomorrow night. You, me, Nesta, and Viviane.”

Kallias blinked. “The hot nanny?”

Cassian grinned. “Yeah.”

Kallias looked at Cassian suspiciously. “I thought you were kidding when you said you were setting us up.”

“Oh, I never kid about love,” Cassian said, winking.

Kallias raised a brow. “Love? Who the hell are you?”

Cassian filled his glass and took a gulp of beer. “Just meet us at Rita’s at eight tomorrow.”

Kallilas continued to stare at him for a long while. “You slept with her again, didn’t you?”

Cassian’s grin widened. “Tomorrow. Rita’s. Eight.”

And with that, he chugged his beer and left.

*

The next night, Cassian and Nesta dropped Nyx off at Elain’s before making their way to Rita’s.

“Our first date,” Cassian crooned, reaching his hand across the car to Nesta’s.

She took it fondly. “Our first date? After all we’ve been through, do we even qualify for a first date?”

“Why?” Cassian scoffed. “Just because we’ve been sleeping together and living with each other and raising a kid together?” He snorted. “Of course, we deserve a first date.”

Nesta rolled her eyes but did not protest.

Cassian had slept in her bed last night after another night of lovemaking. Even though it didn’t seem possible, it got better with each time. The more they got to know each other’s bodies, the more familiar with one another they became, the more they became one in intimacy, the more amazing it was.

“You look amazing tonight,” Cassian said, quietly. “In case I haven’t told you that yet tonight.”

He had.

Multiple times.

But, Nesta couldn’t blame him. She did look amazing in her navy blue dress and her blush heels. She looked over at Cassian, in his jeans and button down shirt.

Coincidentally, it wasn’t much different than what he had worn on their actual first date five years before. She chuckled, and he looked over at her, brow raised.

“This is actually our second date,” she said.

Cassian shook his head, amused, before looking back out the window as he turned into the parking lot. “Well, hopefully this date goes better than that one did.”

Nesta agreed.

As soon as Cassian opened Nesta’s door, they spotted Viviane pulling into the parking lot. They knew she was a pretty girl, but she usually showed up to work with a ponytail, jeans, and a t-shirt. Now, she had really dressed to impress.

Cassian whistled as she got out of her car and Vivane blushed as Nesta’ jabbed him in the ribs.

“You look beautiful,” Nesta told Vivane.

“Thanks,” she said, and Nesta could tell the nanny was a little nervous, a little uncomfortable.

“I see Kal’s truck,” Cassian said, gesturing for the women to follow. “I guess he’s already inside.”

Indeed he was and he’d already gotten a table for the four of them and was working on a pitcher of a beer.

“Hey, man,” Cassian greeted him as Kallias stood and shook his hand. “This is Nesta,” he said, placing a hand on her back.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said, reaching for his hand as well. They shook hands and Kallias smiled.

“You, too,” he replied. “I guess I should call you boss now, huh?”

“No, no, no,” she laughed, shaking her head. “Please don’t.”

“And this,” Cassian interrupted, rolling his eyes at the two of them, “is Viviane.”

As if he somehow hadn’t noticed the blond beauty behind Cassian until this moment, Kallias looked up at her and blinked. He was about to make some sort of hot nanny joke when Kallias breathed, “Viv?”

She was looking at him with the same dumbfounded look Kallias had on his face. “Kallias… Hey.”

Cassian and Nesta looked between the two, then at each other, and after a moment, Nesta asked, “You two know each other?”

Kallias still looked like he was trying to figure out what planet he was on, so Viviane answered, “We were…childhood friends. But my family moved to Velaris when I started middle school.” She shook her head, but she had been looking at Kallias the whole time. “I had no idea you were in Velaris.”

He finally remembered to speak, though Cassian was beginning to wonder if he’d need to answer for him. “I came out here for college. Loved the city and decided to stay.”

“College?” Viviane repeated. “You’re telling me that you’ve been here since your freshman year, and you’ve never called?”

Kallias chuckled. “I didn’t even know you still lived here!”

“Hmm,” Viviane said, taking a seat across from him. “Well, what a small world, hmm?”

“Yeah,” Kallias repeated, “small world.”

Cassian took a seat by Kallias and Nesta sat across from them as they went a little bit more in depth into their long lost friendship. Apparently they had grown up in the same neighborhood and had always gone to the same elementary school. Kallias was a year older than Viviane, but when he went into the seventh grade and Viviane was going into sixth, her family moved to Velaris for her father’s work.

They had never talked again after that. Their friendship was nothing more than a simple, joyful memory.

Seeing them now, Nesta thought, she just knew the two of them had gotten into trouble when they were little. Between their jokes and sly looks at one another, and the obvious chemistry, they had surely been up to no good and gave both sets of parents a run for their money.

“I’m going to the bar,” Cassian announced, looking at Nesta. “Care to join?”

Nesta had a feeling that it was less about going to the bar and more about giving the newfound couple beside them a few minutes alone. She nodded, and took his hand as they walked toward the bar on the other side of the room.

“They’re cute together,” Nesta said, sitting on a barstool.

Cassian sat on the one next to her. “Oh, I know. You know, I’ve gotta say, I feel pretty damn accomplished right now. I definitely made this happen.”

Nesta couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him, even as she leaned into his embrace. She wanted nothing more than to poke fun at him, to mess with him about his unexpected matchmaking skills, but as she looked at the two happy people laughing at the table across the bar, she couldn’t help but wonder if that’s the gift that Rhysand and Feyre had tried to give them all those years ago.

Even now, Nesta’s chest tightened as she smiled, so thankful for her meddling, baby sister.