#i think they bond a lot over having Changed in a large capacity

[artilite]

many many isabeaus... and some sloopis's of course :^) !!!!

i like consolidating my doodles so that's probably what i'm going to do for the most part from now on (^^ゞ!

[slavhew]

murdoc for character opinions

god. murdoc. im admittedly not deep in enough to hard assess my opinions from 2018 vs now, but let's give a quick run through.

i love murdoc. but he's also hard to talk about. so i think its best to jump forward to what i find most compelling about him: it's someone's capacity to grow and change even relatively late in life.

He has a start in life that, speeding over all of THAT, leaves him a very vapid, self centered and cruel person by the time the band becomes a thing. Bit by bit, tooth by pulled tooth, he learns to see things differently.

And this is where that "canon isn't real if i dont look at it"- the continued existence of gorillaz's storyline depends on there being an antagonist, and that is historically Murdoc's role. So a lot of that development will get retconned, glossed over, etc. I don't really blame JH for that anymore, that's just how these things often go with properties that have this kind of extended shelf life.

Murdoc is a person that distills all his hurt into anger, excuses his loneliness as being "by choice" and buries trauma under ego, posturing and hypersexual behavior. But as it is when you form bonds with people, tentative as they might be, they change you. Phase 3 is the climax of this, and phase 6 was both the """final""" relapse of his bad tendencies (post TNN cough) and the end of his arc with The Lost Chord.

THAT ALL BEING SAID, he's silly to me. I count all the material of him being Oddly Polite or giggly as canon whether it's Phil Cornwell breaking character or not.

Murdoc has two faces: one for the paps, and another for the fans. One crude and attention seeking, and a softer more relaxed one for when he ACTUALLY gets to discuss his interests and the music he makes. He plays the media like a fiddle, since having eyes on him is an old skill he's long since mastered.

My possible divergences from fanon at large? I haven't been in touch lately, but I remember some interpretations being popular that I disagree with, so I'll just state my takes:

He's not iredeemable or stupid or remorseless, he grows to care about his bandmates very early on but is VERY slow on the uptake of identifying that affection, and he's much smarter than he lets on. Also no beef to people who ship 2doc but man it is just not my cup of tea. They're coworkers slash fffrriiienndsss?? who needle each other constantly.

AS FOR HEADCANONS: very simple.

A lot of his stunts in the public eye are coordinated- when he said he refuses to get on the stage on other people's terms, this includes the paps. If he's going to be hated, he might as well do that with intention and style

That being said, it's also a self-made excuse to be a debaucherous asshole as well as how he justifies the overindulgence to himself.

Selling his soul had progressive effects on his appearance

green skin, pointy ears, pointier teeth. he used to wear a red contact. he doesn't have to anymore!

the red eyes would be bilateral but in phase 5 the eye injury resulted in anisocoria- bowie-esque. He isn't sure if this is another manifestation of his deal for musical success, or karma.

because of his reduced vision and MULTIPLE stints in prison he is jumpier than ever

he has an unibrow! the fringe hides it because it grows back too fast, and murdoc is vain.

he used to have a fuller face, but as of phase 2 the stardom (drugs, poor self-care) started affecting his appearance. Phase 3 was even more brutal in terms of this. by the time phase 4 rolled around and he got clean, the buccal fat was gone for good, courtesy of plain aging!

short, skinny and not in the healthy way. again, phase 1-2 sees him develop a beer gut under xylophone ribs, phase 3 he's at his worst health-wise. Phase 4 and 6 see him put some real padding on, finally. (5 is a step back due to incarceration)

phase 5 issss fiiiineee... but i prefer respect-false-iconz (aka ezracaution)'s canon divergent exploration of it, The Code

lastly: projection? brother that's the bisexuality, shortness, edginess for show and anger issues. that's just text.

[xb0rder-7inex]

TW : DV

I'm going to make a pinned post to explain again why I'm not nice to people who throw out words like "you shouldn't this" and "you should that"

Like, I'm sorry, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but please stfu.

I don't have the brain capacity to think about this right now but until you've been in an abusive relationship, do not ask someone why they won't leave. Don't tell me that I deserve better. Don't say anything along the lines of anything remotely similar to that. I understand that you're trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but it's actually really insensitive and triggering.

There is very much a reason why there has to be a safety plan in place and it literally takes 7-10 attempts at leaving before it's ever a success. And because it can take so long (years), some people will just stop trying.

I am not in any kind of place at all to be ready to leave and that probably means that I don't really want to and it's not because I'm trauma bonded it's because I have already lost everything I had in the midst of all this chaos and I do not have the mental or emotional capacity right now to try. I have always intended on returning to this relationship and everything needs to be done in baby steps. My first goal is just getting out of this shelter and into some kind of place that's mine and we will go from there.

There are men out there who are far more abusive than my boyfriend and in a lot of ways I'm very fortunate that he isn't worse. He isn't violent. He doesn't threaten to kill me. But he does control me in subtle ways. He does emotionally manipulate me. He does hurt me. And I hope it never gets farther than that but the truth is that you truly never fucking know. It took him five months to hit me the first time. Who's to say the next thing he does won't take five years? I hate to even say that out loud but if I'm being logical he probably will not ever change. Sometimes my biggest fear is that things will get worse and I can literally only pray that it stays the same. I can be hopeful about something better, because there's always a possibility, but enjoying the highs while they last is something I've had to accept to avoid losing myself all over again. My BPD is in remission, I'm no longer sick, and I will not let him break me. For two and a half years I struggled bad with my mental health and it made me vulnerable to literally everyone and everything and I didn't care about the savagery of any of it. Being in this relationship is partially my fault. I knew who he was when we started dating. It didn't matter. I loved being his little victim, at least I was his. The borderline part of me fucking relished in it, as long as it was me and only me for him (he used to say, "you're mine and only mine"), I let him do whatever he wanted and I romanticized everything toxic.

That being said, abuse and love can and do coexist (sometimes love can manifest in negative ways) which sounds naive but is a realistic perspective and a lot of people don't understand that abusive relationships are not at all black and white. People as individuals are almost never inherently abusive. There is a very large gray-scale image and people are complex beings who may have one or several reasons for why they behave the way that they do. I won't exploit his privacy, but my boyfriend has very deep roots that tie him to being the way that he is. Not an excuse or a justification, but behaviour is learned and hurt people hurt people (Btw, having been going through extensive therapy for this whole thing, true narcissists and sociopaths are actually quite rare - most people just naturally have a wide range of toxic traits, ie: generational trauma). We still have a lot of really beautiful times together too and our ups are very typical and those are things that I'm likely going to post about as well. The whole point is to commemorate entire cycles and to study our patterns (yes, mine too). It's my own personal social experiment, if you will. And if he ever finds these posts it'll be a really long time of psychological hell. I don't even want to fucking know.

So, much like consoling a person during grief, there is nothing you can say. You do not and will not feel the weight of the gravity of any of it until it's on your shoulders. Everyone has a different healing journey and I'm just documenting mine. Not for an audience. For the future me, for several reasons (yin yang), and I'm sure that you can piece that together by yourself.

[dearweirdme]

Some great messages and responses today about so many topics! And some goofy ones as well 😂 Still trying to wrap my head around the anon who thinks that Taekook (a pairing of two people, Tae and Jungkook) is a "persona" (the aspects of a single person's character that are outward/perceived by others). How exactly would that work? Are they so dedicated to it that they work around the limitations the company has put on them (one V Live since 2016 that had just the two of them in it but there were obviously chaperones in the room) by spending their free time together for a whole year of solo era just to keep up this "persona". The bowling, musical outings, skiing trips, working on songs, playing games, cooking/eating at each other's places, Tae's closest social circle including friends from high school becoming good friends of Jungkook and supporting him publicly like they've really gone all out for this "persona". And those are just the things we know about. I don't think they talked about the musical, skiing, or bowling outings. A fan got pics of them at the musical. A lot of it we don't know about, or we'll find out much later. So since the pair as a persona makes no sense, I think what anon was implying is that the "persona" Tae is putting on here is his care and affection for Jungkook. Which also makes no sense given what I just went over, and the additional fact that this is all from their "off" time when if they wanted to act this out they could do this in an official capacity for company content. But they haven't. For years. Their very close bond is most evident in their *private/non-work life*. And they are the only pair in the group that has demonstrated this level of closeness in solo era. This is not a drag on the others, they all love each other. But this is a simple fact. Even "anti-shippers" are coming around to defend Taekook's bond now because even they see how at odds this was with the "official" content and that Taekook are close even when the group goes its separate ways. Also, someone made a great point in the comments earlier. I am not a company stan, large corporations are evil there's no such thing as an ethical billionaire etc. Some of the company's screw-ups come from intentional malice, them attaching BTS to the credits of Seven was literal sabotage in that it was an attempt to keep Jungkook from charting higher than the group. That shows me that they will take actions that hurt their individual artists. I do think there is a pattern of Tae getting the worst of it, and I honestly do not know why. But someone commented earlier that some of the neglect and some of the mistakes they make are facilitated by the guarantee that the fandom will keep throwing money their way. They have no real incentive to change. At least with the credits situation not only did the fandom get loud, but articles started popping up in Kmedia. I wish the fandom could show a united front against the company's mistreatment, against sabotage, against Billboard but it was impossible to get a boycott (something they might actually pay attention to) going before solo era, now everything is so fractured and there is so much infighting...the situation in the fandom is pretty bad. I'll even admit I'm JK-biased and with all of the weirdness I saw starting with Seven and how resentment of him and his talent/success became even clearer I've stopped paying attention to anything but Taekook's solo careers for now. No negative feelings for the others, that's just all I have energy for at the moment.

Hi anon!

There is absolutely nothing to think anything about Tae and Jk’s bond is fake. There’s a chance we are wrong in how we interpret it, but there’s no chance that they aren’t very close and arguably the closest out of all members. Tae and Jk are very consistent in showing that closeness.

Yeah, I very much hate the powerplay. No matter how big an artist or a band gets, companies most of the time still hold the power. Fandom is hard as well, I agree.

[hashtag-xolo]

So I want to say something about the topic of re-homing a pet. Because I've seen a couple people have been struggling with what is an incredibly difficult decision made even more difficult by the stigma and shame of "failing" a pet and being selfish and irresponsible.

Rehoming can be those things. We know this. We've heard or known people that get bored with a pet and don't want to put in the work so they return it or release it. We know. But we need to really stop assuming that is the case most of the time. Situations change. People change. Needs and abilities change. When these things happen, when we are unable to care for a pet in the capacity our pet deserves, it is the exact opposite of irresponsible, bad, or failing the animal to choose to re-home it and give the animal a home that can provide for its needs. The decision to pass a beloved family member into proper care is an act of love that is so incredibly painful and herculean in the strength it takes to endure that pain and that stigma.

I've spoken about a spoo I helped train. This dog was a service dog in training for a family member. The dog was being trained for mobility support. A standard poodle can be quite large and is very athletic. Additionally, the dog was bonded so strongly to this one individual.

My family member, in addition to needing the mobility support, has some severe mental health problems which were declining but they didn't share how far. One of the struggles was psychosis. They would hallucinate that their spoo was barking and, as they also had a professional trainer who had convinced them to rely heavily on an e collar, would use the high vibrate setting to deter the barking. But the dog wasn't barking. The dog was getting buzzed for no reason which was a high adversive. I don't know the extent of the e collar misuse due to psychosis. But as their mental health declined, it became very evident they couldn't continue to care for the dog.

So we took over the care. But the problem was... The training had become so poisoned by the erratic e collar use. The dog was not well trained and an athletic poorly trained dog was not a good fit. He was over exuberant and would yank us around as a well muscled big dog. He caused many muscle injuries. We tried our best to retrain the dog and hoped to bring him into line with the mobility needs that this family member needed. We improved his training a lot over time. It took a lot of work but he started to be very well trained. We loved this dog. We loved his person. We wanted them to succeed together.

The thing is, this dog also loved his person. And the dog was so sad without him. He was so confused every time his person left without him. It didn't feel fair to the dog. And his person had no ability to care for the dog. They still don't even after lots and lots of mental health treatment and support.

We made the incredibly difficult decision to re-home the dog to his breeder. The breeder understood the situation fully and was happy to take her dog back and almost kept him for herself. She only didn't because a good friend of hers showed interest in the dog. The dog is living it up and we have proof of this from photos and talking with the breeder.

It was not easy to make that choice after tons of money, time, energy, and love were put into training and working with this dog. But our love for the dog won out. He needed a home that could provide what he needed and seeing his person once every couple weeks for an hour was making the dog miserable. We couldn't keep doing that.

If you love something let it go means to give whatever it is, person or animal, the choice to be itself and live it's life. Letting go means not controlling and throttling. Sometimes, loving means helping to find home even if it isn't with you. And that is never a failure. That is love.

(and in before anyone tries to start this, I do not think psychosis makes anyone a poor pet owner. I know many folks with psychosis who are wonderful pet owners. In this individual case though, the particular manifestations of psychosis and other mental health conditions make this individual a poor caretaker for animals right now.)

[haleigh-sloth]

(1) I’ve largely erred on the side of not saying this because I don’t care to rain on anyone’s parade, but since you mentioned feeling like the friendship between Tomura and Spinner can get blown out of proportion, I can think of at least one concrete reason for why that disconnect might exist. I obviously don't blame people for taking the official translations at face value, but I feel like Spinner's line about "bonding" with Tomura over games is another example of sentiments getting

Ahhhhhh lot of good stuff here

Putting a cut for length but also people who just don't wanna see this type of response

I feel this way about a lot of peoples' interpretations of the League and their interactions. Not just Spinner and Shigaraki, but all of them. I feel like a lot of gestures get blown way out of proportion. Shigaraki's "I just want them to be able to live how they see fit" does not equal "Their happiness is my priority, and I'm going to work to create a world where they can be happy". I'm sorry but those two are not the same thing, and I haven't seen Shigaraki act in such a way either. Those two goals may point in the same direction (they don't because he's a fucking liar to his own face and so is Toga to her own face), but that kind sentiment did not suddenly mean that he is prioritizing their happiness and wellbeing above all else. If that was the case, well, they wouldn't have formed a giant ass army to take on the world at war and risk dying (which one of them did) and Spinner wouldn't be in the situation he is in now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

I don't want to rain on people's parades either, but my opinions are pretty clear and have been for a while and people have had plenty of time to block/unfollow me as they see necessary. So at this point, I don't hold back (I try very hard to avoid being super negative though about any character in general). I used to hold back my not so popular (in the villain corner of the fandom) interpretations on the League up until recently. As we've gotten closer to the end, I've decided that I'm just gonna put my opinion out into the void even if many people--specifically in the little circle of blogs I occupy--don't like it. And many don't, and that's okay. My opinion doesn't change unless the manga gives me a reason to change it.

Spinner and Shigaraki--I have a lot of issues here, MAJORITY of it due to fandom hyping them up as more than they are. And look, I don't care when stuff is clearly fanon or headcanons. Posts that are meant to be taken that way are usually pretty clear about it. But these are whole analyses based off of this overblown bond/friendship that literally only Spinner seems to acknowledge/be so attached to.

I don't doubt Shigaraki views everyone in the League as a friend in some capacity. I don't doubt that at all. I don't doubt that he cares and genuinely wants them to live how they want. However, I would like for someone to show me where he pays the same type of special attention to Spinner that Spinner gives to him. Imo, Shigaraki treats them all pretty equally--Spinner included.

I didn't know that about the Japanese, and yet, I still felt this way. Assuming that someone who has a good understanding of Japanese can correct your statement, I'm gonna take your word for it since I can't say shit otherwise lol. But cool--yeah that particular line is used quite a bit. And I get it! It's fun especially if you ship the characters or just enjoy their interactions.

But I feel like people overlook the fact that Spinner's idolization and attachment is literally negative and is a challenge in his arc, not some cute uwu friendship that was just about video games (when would they have played video games in canon??? WHEN????).

Spinner decided to seriously devote himself to Shigaraki (which in itself is a weird not great thing to do) during MVA, because it looked as if Shigaraki had made progress and overcome a barrier and become this all powerful destructive god who can make dreams come true (dreams for someone who wants to lash out at least). But MVA was not any of that. MVA was Shigaraki doing exactly what AFO wanted him to do--get worse emotionally, spiral more mentally and become even more unstable, and hate himself to the point that he sees no point in thinking or hoping for change for the better. Perfect, all according to keikaku. And THAT is when Spinner was like "FUCK YEAH THIS GUY". I know Spin didn't know that, but come oN guys THE TIMING OF IT IS SO FORETELLING.

AND IT WAS. Because look now. What has turned me completely off to this dynamic is the fandom hyping it up as a pure devotion that isn't stemming from a lot of self-worth issues and negative idealization. Spinner associates Shigaraki with destruction, rage, anger, and misery. That's also what Shigaraki associates himself with, and that's exactly what AFO wants. And man, he sure got it out of both of them.

And I'd like it if people acknowledged that more for what it is, but it's just reduced down to "two gamers that AFO groomed and took advantage of". And I feel that is just super oversimplifying what actually happened. AFO didn't groom Spinner from the age of 5, he took advantage of a vulnerability he was able to pinpoint super quickly after Spinner made it painfully obvious.

I like Spinner more on his own, and I like the potential for him to face the reality that him ignoring his gut instincts in favor of that dream of destruction he associates with Shigaraki eventually led to him making things worse for Shigaraki--unintentionally. I mean he hasn't made shit hit the fan YET--but man if things aren't looking ominous as fuck right now. AFO is counting on Spinner? Oof. But the potential for drama here is exciting, and I'm ready for it.

But yeah. I agree--it's overblown imo. It has become a plot point in Shigaraki's arc in a negative way. So I feel people miss the mark when they focus on how devoted Spinner is to Shigaraki during all of this mess, because that's exactly why things look the way they do lol.

[justalarryblog]

💓 Skipping Heartbeats by @1dfetusfics (3k) | Mature

Louis doesn’t talk much and for some reason he has a queasy feeling in his belly whenever he’s around boys now, especially around Harry.

💓 One day to believe in you by @mediaville (7k) | Explicit

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it’s really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised. “You think about me when you get off?”

“Yes,” Louis says. He wonders how hard he’d need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

“Often?”

“Yes, Christ, Harry,” Louis groans. “Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I’ve been visiting family. Anything else you’d like to know?”

💓 keep me safe, keep me sane, keep me honest by @hilourry (8k) | Explicit

Louis is the Prince of England. All past omega princes and princesses have been married and pregnant at age 18, so his parents arrange him to be married to Harry Styles, the royal family’s PR guy.

💓 give you my fever by @beautlouis (10k) | Explicit

And he’s wanted it even more since he met Louis, it’s driven him insane, he spends 90% of his life turned on because of Louis and he’s had no relief at all. He’ll wake up at night too hot and itchy, with Louis warm and sweet smelling next to him, and unable to do anything but wank unsuccessfully, with no release. “I can try,” Louis says, close enough that Harry’s eyes cross a little trying to look at him. “I want to, I’ve never been with anybody, like, I’ve snogged people, lots of people, but I’ve never—touched anyone.” He clears his throat. “I’d touch you, Hazza.”

Harry’s breathing picks up. “Yes.” He doesn’t think there was a question but he’s a little overwhelmed. “Yes,” he repeats, dizzy.

*x-factor era. harry’s never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first

💓 New Places, New Possibilities by orphan_account (12k) | Explicit

Harry has always longed for Louis from afar, never sure exactly what Louis wanted, or if they could even have what they wanted. Even though Louis would sneak into Harry’s bed every chance he could, they’d never gone further than cuddles and innocent kisses. But when the boys are finally away from home on their first visit to LA, things finally begin to change.

💓 An Irrationally Strong Bond Between Two People by @jishler (17k) | Explicit

Before The Advancement, most human lives and careers were plagued by irrationality and a lack of productivity. This was largely the symptom of what scientists refer to as “interpersonal passion,” which included two separate (though often conjointly occurring) phenomena: “love,” and “sex.” “Love” was a pre-Advancement word which referred to an irrationally strong bond between two people, which caused its sufferers to prioritise their fellow “lover,” as well as the integrity of the malignant bond itself, over vital things such as workplace productivity. Taken every two weeks in pill form, The Drug immediately removes interpersonal passion from the human psyche. Children’s friendships do not have the capacity to develop into full-fledged “love” since they are not yet adults. Every person over eighteen takes The Drug gladly, grateful that it allows them to be productive, clear-headed, and rational members of society.

A few weeks before Louis’ eighteenth birthday, Harry and Louis fall in love.

(Based on the book Louis writes in indiaalphawhiskey’s Our Lives, Non-Fiction.)

💓 now I’ll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours by @estrella30 (17k) | Mature

Louis can’t believe this. He just - he honestly, in all of the ideas he had in his head as to who Harry was, he never in a million years thought this was going to be the answer.

“You’re a prince?” Liam asks, for what is possibly the hundredth time in the past five minutes. It seems to be the only thing either of them can say. Harry’s sat primly in his chair, back a straight line and hands folded neatly on the kitchen table.

He nods once, and bows his head slightly. “Yes.”

“And you have to stay here,” Louis clarifies, “Because you were almost kidnapped?”

OR - a (kind of) Princess Protection Program AU

💓 Sail Across Me by @canonlarry / iwillpaintasongforlou (21k) | Explicit

Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they're as pretty as this one.

💓 Hiding Out in the Kitchen by @LittleMousling (28K) | Explicit

Harry’s in an internationally famous boyband with his three best mates, he gets laid on a pretty regular basis, and he’s headed to Australia in a week. He doesn’t need anything else, and he certainly doesn’t need a boyfriend. If this nice guy he met in a coffeeshop wants to date him, great—but that’s all it is. Right?

💓 Just for Tonight (I can be yours) by @sadaveniren (42k) | Explicit

Harry, prince of Cestrescir, has been betrothed to Ludvic, prince of Yorvik, since birth. He’d accepted a loveless marriage as his duty to his country, until an accident threw him in the path of a gentle alpha

💓 Faking It by @TheCellarDoor (46k) | Mature

A uni AU in which Louis has been Harry’s best friend since he offered him cubed fruit on the playground, and they spend more time cuddling in their dorm beds than they do apart, but it’s not like that. Or is it?

Aka Harry pretends to date his best friend to escape unwanted attention from a too insistent classmate and hopes it won’t blow up in his face. Featuring embarrassing dildo accidents, awkward boners, longing, first times, late night conversations, emotional discoveries and Niall as the exasperated friend with bad advice.

💓 No Hold to Hold Onto by @kingsofeverything (47k) | Explicit

Injured after being thrown from a bronc, Harry doesn’t know if he’ll ever compete again.

His only hope is a man called Tommo, a world champion rider who retired at the top of his game.

When Harry goes looking for help learning a new way to rope and ride, the last thing he expects to find is love.

💓 Gentle Autumn Rain by @creamcoffeelou (57k) | Explicit

Louis Tomlinson moved to London with a big heart and a big dream. Harry Styles moved to London, fresh out of the police academy, with the hopes of helping as many people as he could in his eyes. When a deranged alpha forces their paths to cross, their ideas of what is meant to be will never be the same.

💓 Gentle Autumn Rain by @creamcoffeelou (57k) | Explicit

Louis Tomlinson moved to London with a big heart and a big dream. Harry Styles moved to London, fresh out of the police academy, with the hopes of helping as many people as he could in his eyes. When a deranged alpha forces their paths to cross, their ideas of what is meant to be will never be the same.

💓 Can I lay by your side? by @tommosgun / Star_Henderson (59k) | Mature “Harry, tell me what you are going to do when you leave here.” “I’m going to drive to a hotel, drink some of that vodka, enough to give me dutch courage.“ Harry looks down at his feet, colour blooming in his cheeks. “I’m going to find a bar, find a man who wants to sleep with me, find some weed and lose myself for a few days.” “Look, do you even know your way around Manchester, do you know anyone here?” He shakes his head. “So you are just going to pick up a random man and sleep with him?” Louis huffs out incredulously. “There’s a first time for everything.” Or Fate brings Louis to Harry. Alone, Harry’s buying vodka in Louis’ local shop. He takes him home, this beautiful stranger, giving him his undivided attention and the weekend of his life. Together they tick off Harry’s ‘to do’ list and fall in love at the same time. Harry has secrets and despairingly, on Monday morning, he has to go back to his old life. Louis and Harry meet up six months later by accident in quite different circumstances.

💓 Into the wild by @Deidei (76k) | Mature Red is supposed to be the color of fate, right? Even if it’s annoying right now, it might connect to something good when you least expect it.

Louis Tomlinson, a mischievous and adventurous Omega ends up stranded onto an unknown and mysterious island, after a shipwreck, where he’ll be forced to learn to survive as a wild wolf. Here he’ll meet an Alpha that sparks an interest in him that no Alpha ever could. Not used to the new surroundings, the new social and cultural norms and the wolves will he be able to live in the wild?

💓 Want You More Than A by @TheCellarDoor (77k) | Mature Falling in love with your step-brother’s best friend is a disaster enough. When he happens to be the boy everyone loves and you’re a nerd who wears sweater vests and cries during rom-coms, it takes it to a whole new level.

💓 electing strange perfections by @scrunchyharry (84k) | Explicit Back for the summer from university, 19-year-old Louis is faced with a massive problem: their new gardener is quite possibly the most gorgeous man he's ever met. Over the course of the summer, Louis and a 25-year-old Harry will learn that love can be found where you least expect it.

💓 Both Showing Hearts by @kiwikero (113k) | Explicit

Louis Tomlinson is, in fact, not straight.

Harry Styles isn’t sure what he is.

Together, they figure it out, and maybe fall in love along the way.

Or, the Uni AU where Louis helps Harry figure out his sexuality, Niall crashes a bachelorette party, Liam works in a printing centre, and Zayn happens to need lots of printing done.

💓 Luscious blood by @Deidei (116k) | Mature

Louis Tomlinson, a human, has been living in poor living conditions together with his mother since he was born. Ever since he can remember he has loathed the stronger, faster, more developed kind that rule this world; Vampires. But will his opinion change after he meets his soul mate that is an arrogant, royal vampire named Harry Styles…

💓 Baby Heaven’s in your Eyes by @theboyfriendstagram (120k) | Explicit

They couldn’t be more different if they tried. Louis Tomlinson is 17 years old and in his last year of the most prestigious private school in Doncaster. Everyone who attends his school knows him thanks to his incredibly rich family, sassy attitude and gorgeous girlfriend, Eleanor Calder. If there’s one thing that completely annoys him, it’s that there is a poor community college right across the street.

Harry Styles is 19 years old, and (once again) in his last year of college. He goes to community college in Doncaster. He never shows up to classes and if he actually bothers to, he’s either high or drunk; sometimes both. His skin is littered with tattoos and if there’s one thing he absolutely hates, it’s the snobby students attending the private school right across from his.

Or a sixth form!AU where Harry is the fucked up bad boy with too many problems, Louis is the perfect rich boy with too much money and their schools are right across from each other. They meet at a party and that’s the last (and maybe the only) thing they need.

💓 Change My Mind by @larry_love13 (155k) | Teen And Up Audiences

Louis was a devout Christian family man with a wife and ten kids who lived a seemingly happy and idyllic life in Oklahoma. He always felt something was missing but he could never figure out what until he met Harry Styles, who made him question every single value he'd ever held dear, including his relationship to God AND his marriage. Harry, a devoutly religious young college student struggling with his own family and personal issues turned to Louis for guidance. They both end up learning a lot about themselves, each other, and their religion as they change a few minds-including their own-during their journey.

💓 Senses. by @kotabear24 (316k) | Explicit

💓 Silver Series by @Deidei (323k) | Mature

There are three prestigious Wolf clans: The Styles, The Payne’s and The Maliks. They are ancient clans of Pureblood Wolfs and they are respected and worshipped by other lower-class clans.

Louis is an Omega Fox spending his life mostly hiding because he’s not just an ordinary Fox. Louis decides to go to the most prestigious University in the country where he meets a blue eyed Omega he’ll forever keep in his heart and an Alpha with piercing green eyes. Hiding from his demons and living in a nightmare can he ever show his true self?

✨You can also check my fic tags for more fics! ✨

[imthepunchlord]

Adrien’s Best to Least

Marinette, Alya, Nino, Kagami

Alright, officially four seasons in, we got more on Adrien which wound up to be... something. Let’s get this character study going covering his best to least fit. I apologize if this comes out on the side of salty, trying to be as neutral as possible, but be ready for his issues to be addressed.

Adrien is a complicated character in his set up, but Adrien himself is not a complex individual. He is, quite literally, one of the more straight forward characters in this show, and is quite stagnant and unchanging. And that is more the fault of the writers who don’t want to change him at all and deem him to be “perfect” while ignoring any flaws. Looking at him as a character without the narrative to act in his favor, there’s actually quite a struggle for him miraculous wise, but two seem to suit him best. 

His best are Turtle and Peafowl. Turtle meets the core who he is, working off his strengths, where he likes to be in the field, and his instincts. And this miraculous actually offers him the growth he really needs, while keeping true to who he is. Peafowl it turn can best adjust to his style and needs, his want to be flashy and dynamic. 

Adrien at the core is a protector, supporter, and follower. Being an incredibly reckless and active character, he thrives to be in the front lines, and has largely always prioritized his partner’s safety over his own, which has become problematic behavior at this point. But that’s what you want for a Turtle, someone who’s ready to be on the front lines and is being conscious of their allies. And out of the 5, this suits him best in who he is and how he works. 

The growth potential comes from the limits of his protection as Shelter can only be used once, and he has to be conscious about timing and how to use it. And typically, Adrien does have good responsive instincts for when he needs to be a protector. While this won’t stop him from diving in, it can afford him more means to do so while also keeping himself safe and in the fight, and it can shape him up to be smarter in how he protects others. This miraculous also counts for self-protection and ideally can get it into his head that his safety matters to. 

Overall, I do see Adrien and Wayzz getting along as Wayzz is friendly, engaging, and will adapt and adopt quirks of his humans so he can quickly bond with them. This sets up for him to click with his kwami a lot sooner, and with Wayzz being a more serious and responsible kwami than Plagg, this can set up Adrien to respect and listen to Wayzz. So when Wayzz calls him out on anything, Adrien is more likely to listen to him and consider his words. Wayzz is a kwami who doesn’t approve of reckless behavior, and that will address one of Adrien’s biggest issues. 

With Peafowl, in comparison to Fox, would be a lot forgiving of Adrien’s quick, responsive, and straightforward thinking. When Adrien makes his golems, they are made with a clear purpose that they will see to. And they will function as he expects them to. This will match his want to play by his own rules, as whatever he wants can come into existence, and for sure, he’d be quite the attention grabber. This miraculous is quite flexible in battle, able to be settled on the sidelines or join the golem in combat. 

Growth wise, this miraculous can inspire a spark of creativity, as while he makes golems to serve out a purpose, thought is required for them. He will also need to learn to be conscious of his resources as each golem is born from a section of his fan, and if he makes too many, he can end up weaponless. 

For him and Duusu, I see them being a very energetic pair, probably borderline chaotic. Duusu would actually probably add onto his flamboyance and encourage him to really let loose and “show his true colors”. She’d also be a source of affection and support, something that he really wants. She could also have Adrien step up in maturity as she can be a goofball. 

Adrien’s 2nd best is Bee. Bee can work off his energy and allow him to remain a mid-to-close-range fighter, though there are concerns to him using it which keeps this from being apart of his best, though he has enough potential and promise to use it well that keeps this from joining the worst. 

Bee will have a lot of the same appeals as Cat that makes this manageable for Adrien. It is direct, involved, allows him to be a teamplayer, and has an aggressive power. But while it has the same appeals to Cat, it has the same issues as Adrien can be reckless with his power and has activated Cataclysm at the wrong time a few times which has led to issues (Aeon’s death being the most iconic example). Chances are even higher that he’d have similar issues with Venom, and be more reckless with Venom as unlike Cataclysm, this is just a temporary paralysis, not pure destruction. Cataclysm requires some level of control and consideration in use. Venom is not the same in its use, so Adrien can end up more reckless with it as there aren’t so severe consequences with it, in theory. And with his tendency to charge and Venom requires some stealth and calculation in use, chances are good that many are going to see his sting coming and prepare for it. 

Growth wise, Bee can help Adrien grow as a team player, as teamwork is a big part of bee society, and while largely good, Adrien does have moments where he has struggled (like pranking his partner during a Lucky Charm use in the beginning of Refleckta, or Glaciator, rejecting to work with his partner due to her not showing up for the maybe date she said she was uncertain of making it to). And by chance he is reckless with Venom, ideally it would eventually click that he needs to be smarter in how he handles it. 

Adrien and Pollen as a pair could end up very problematic or very interesting. The Bee miraculous seems more designed to be used by girls and so far, we’ve only seen Pollen work off girls, we have yet to see how Pollen would engage with a boy as her user. She could be quite critical. But playing off the assumption that Pollen will engage with Adrien the same as we’ve seen in canon with Chloe, this would not be a good match as Pollen would essentially enable Adrien, and I don’t see him prompting the same sort of growth to her as other characters could. 

Adrien’s least fit are Butterfly and Fox. These two make up his greatest weaknesses: empathy and the capacity to plan before acting. 

Adrien can match Butterfly as he can be very supportive and encouraging (Origins and Mayura), but the issue stems that these instances are limited both in number and in depth. Adrien can be very emotionally deaf to the needs of others, often putting his own needs over them, and has made use of guilt to manipulate people (largely Marinette, seen in Syren and Malediktator). Another big issue with Adrien and Butterfly is that Adrien himself doesn’t make connections, he doesn’t include himself in anything. To use this miraculous well, one has to be or become, quite literally, a social butterfly. This miraculous at the core is about emotion and connection, to be aware of the feelings of others, to make connections, to assist and help raise others up. It requires teamwork and being on the same page. To have the user become a leader or teammate. This is not something Adrien is known for. He in general isn’t good at getting a grasp on emotional issues, as seen in Maledicktator, not getting the happiness everyone was feeling and lectured Marientte about it. Possibilities are good that with his tendency to lecture, who can upset the wrong target and end up championless. And with how passive he can be, can it be certain that he can rein in a champion if they go out of control? 

Growth wise, this does offer the most, but at the price that this is one of two that he’d really struggle with at the start. This miraculous can help him learn to branch out, make connections with others, and open his world more to making friends. But until he gets to that point, he’s going to be limited in diversity in champions and is more likely to stick to who he knows, and unfortunately, that’s not a lot. Chances are good that Chloe and Nino could be the only champions to be seen for a while and Chloe would not be inclined to share. 

With Nooroo, on the surface they can be a sweet pair, but being a very gentle and soft spoken kwami, I don’t see Nooroo as a kwami that Adrien will listen to if Nooroo spoke out or voiced his concerns. Nooroo can help Adrien understand and deal with emotional situations he may not have a grasp on, but that’s not a certainty until Adrien actually listens. 

Adrien can match Fox as a risk taker, someone who likes to be flashy, is playful, and wants to put on a show. But that there is where it ends. Adrien at the core is a very reactive character who likes to be in the thick of things and that’s not where Fox is supposed to be. Fox requires creativity, observation skills, and means of manipulating your audience without ever confronting them. Adrien is more offensive-oriented than a good Fox should be. He shares a similar issue with Alya that he would go with the first thing that comes to mind, whether its good or not, or even if he has all the details down needed for a good illusion. Chances are also good that (like Alya), he also waits to hear what illusion his partner may tell him to do than think of one himself. He tends to go with his gut and responds to the first thing he sees. And out of the 5, this is the one most designed to be background oriented, so him joining any fights makes things risky for him as he’s quite limited in fights. And having a Fox seen, enemies get a sense that there’s going to be an illusion soon. 

This would be the 2nd to address issues of his recklessness, but would be far more punishing. If he’s determined to become a good Fox, this is going to force him to step back, observe, and think. But being so action oriented and responsive, and having this instinctive need to act rather than plan (as we really see him struggle and get frustrated in Refleckdoll), its going to take a while before he gets that patience. 

Trixx and Adrien would be a pair that I see to be quite one sided. Passive as he can be, I see Trixx quite easily manipulating Adrien. And depending on one’s stance, this could be good or bad. Trixx is sharp enough to see what his humans desire, and knows what to say to change how think or change their actions. Trixx maybe the best kwami to pair with Adrien as he will assist Adrien in getting what he wants and needs, but is capable of getting Adrien to reconsider his stance or actions, which can improve Adrien’s character and his relation with others. 

Between Ladybug and Cat... honestly Adrien isn’t the best fit for either of them. But if he HAS to have one... it would technically be Cat as the power is more suited to who he is. It’s up his alley, though certain aspects don’t make it ideal. 

it is the same issue and risk as Bee, Adrien is very reckless and reactive. Canonly he has summoned Cataclysm too soon. And then there’s the issue of kwami. Plagg is not a good kwami match up with Adrien. Plagg isn’t a very involved kwami and he relies on his humans to self-sufficient and figure out issues themselves, largely expects a small mention will be enough. Not so with Adrien who needs a more direct personality to listen to, and by the time Plagg realizes he needs to be more direct, Adrien largely dismisses him as Plagg has set himself up as unreliable at the start. 

Between the two, Tikki would be the better kwami for Adrien. She is very involved and engaging, and makes it clear when she has an issue, to a point she’d be hard for Adrien to dismiss. Though chances are slim that he would as she’d be engaging at the start unlike Plagg. Adrien can even get Tikki herself to grow as he needs clearer answers than just a simple call out, forcing her to offer up solutions and alternatives for his own actions. Tikki also would get Adrien to start involving himself in others, if not outright stepping up as a leader, be more conscious of others and help them with their issues. She would’ve been good to help Adrien branch out. Unfortunately, the Ladybug miraculous is confirmed to not be a good fit and there would be a lot of struggles for Adrien at the start. 

[welcome-tothe-madness]

Yo so like, after watching Book 3, I think I wanna kinda just put my thoughts here on Simon because so far he’s been one of my fav characters because of how well written he is and I just wanna like, idk, ramble

i absolutely adore how Simon and Grace are essentially 2 sides of the same coin, but also fundamentally different, and this is how their paths diverge. i think a large part of why Grace was able to start her redemption is because of how much she loved kids, and making them feel less alone. She thrived off of taking in lonely souls and showing them a “better way.” She genuinely felt bad for Hazel and wanted what was “better” for her. This doesn’t excuse any of her stuff, but her general love and compassion for other kids is really was kickstarted her on her redemption.

Simon did not. Not to say he didn’t care about Apex, but I don’t think he cared for the kids themselves. He cared about GRACE. He cared because she cared. If she had taken his hand and said “let’s leave this all behind” I’m sure he would have followed her. So while Grace is bonding with Hazel and learning to be ok with Tuba, all Simon sees is a distraction and someone holding them back. He also sees Grace not as enthusiastic to get rid of Tuba and keeps putting off killing her.

Now, about Tuba’s death. I see a lot of people marking this as the moment they started to hate him, and they’re not wrong, this was the key point where he became irredeemable. But I want everyone to take a step back and look at what we’ve seen so far. We know his backstory with Samantha, and i think everyone believes that’s the only reason he hates denizens. That could be the MAIN reason, but I don’t think it’s the ONLY reason. Remember why they were running in the first place? Because there was a bug denizen chasing them. We know from Book 1 that these big monsters are actually the creatures that inhabit the train. I think there is a big chance that he witnessed a denizen transform in front of him, and try to attack him. This is also supported when Grace has to explain to hazel why she doesn’t like them, she says “they’re unpredictable.” What’s that supposed to mean? Using context clues, I think they’re aware al the denizens are actually those soul sucking creatures. Yeah, no wonder they don’t feel anything for them when they die. As far as they’re concerned, they could turn and kill them at any minute.

Also, i’d like to bring up Book 2, when we’re first introduced to Simon and Grace. When they’re trying to recruit Jesse, they planned on killing Lake off to “help” him. Look at just how many kids are in Apex. What’s the likelihood that a majority of them befriended a denizen that they later had to sacrifice for initiation? This isn’t the first time they’ve done something like this. They’ve done this a LOT, possibly hundreds of times. Tuba’s death to Simon was just another day of initiation. Does it make it any less wrong? Of course not, he fully had the capacity to bond and redeem himself just as Grace had, and they even got along right before her death. But in Simon’s eyes, he was too far gone, Tuba was a dangerous creature holding them back and he finally found the perfect opportunity to get rid of her like they‘d always done. Grace’s horror is what’s new to him. Her acting shocked, disgusted, scared? She’s never done that before. She’s always planned it, egged it on, encouraged it, PRAISED him for this behavior. And note what he says to her after the job is done!! “Let’s see how high OUR marks have gotten.” He knew Grace was insecure about her number lowering, and did something he usually got praised for, and even thought it’d help her. It wasn’t a selfish betrayal (sort of, I also partially believe he did it to get on Grace’s good side again) but he also did it because he knew how down she’d been.

I also just wanna say Grace should have communicated better with him. I don’t know if things would have turned out better or different, but a lot of his later actions were derived from her dishonesty and her distancing himself from him. She never told Simon what she was thinking. She never told him about her hesitation. She never let him in on anything. Instead? She chose a denizen over him. She decided to change and grow and expected Simon to follow suit. He isn’t a mind reader, how the hell was he supposed to know plans had changed and he was meant to keep Tuba alive? How was he meant to know?

This doesn’t make any of his actions ok. Trusting the cat over Grace and trapping her in her own mind? There’s no ”justifying” that (not that I’m trying to justify) but I think I’ve reached a level of understanding with his character. A lot of what happens is because he’s been left in the dark. Yes, he had the opportunity to change and it is his fault for not taking action, but I think a moment that struck a nerve with me is when Grace said “I’m not responsible for your problems, I don’t owe you anything.” She’s right, she’s not responsible for him not bettering himself.

She’s not responsible for his betrayal. She’s not responsible for his jealousy over Hazel. But you know what she is responsible for? Shoving this ideology down his throat, refusing to communicate, and then acting disgusted and lashing out at him for doing everything she’s ever taught him. She’s the one that taught him a higher number was better. She’s the one that’s always took command/control. She’s praised him for shitty behaviors and when she sees the result of it? It’s not her problem. I completely understood when Simon screamed out “YOU OWE ME EVERYTHING.”

No, she doesn’t owe him everything, but her toxicity towards him is a major factor into why he turned out how he did. Treating people like shit and then saying it’s not your problem when it affected them? (Btw, I’m NOT a grace hater and do not believe she is the source of all his problems, clearly he is his own person and has the capacity to grow as well, but saying she doesn’t owe him anything?? Not even an apology for lying and keeping secrets?? that’s what mainly struck a nerve.)

Also, I wanna bring up another moment that I think solidified hate for him. When Grace saved him, and he tried wheeling her. I can also understand why he did this. Is it right? No, obviously no it’s not ok. But I think the reason he chose to shove her off is because when he asked “why did you save me?” Her response was “I don’t know.” You don’t know? You don’t know why you were compelled to save your number 1 friend for years? Someone who stuck with you through thick and thin, clung to every word you said, and did everything you asked? You don’t know why you saved him? Even after everything? In such an emotional and high tensity moment, I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. Again, not something he should have done, but it’s something I can understand. If my scorned ex best friend saved my life and said they didn’t know why, I’d probably feel angry too.

anyways yeah, he’s still a shit person but he’s complex and i think a large reason why his character works so well is because of how well he is written. He did horrible things but there was always a reason, it was never ”mwuahaha, I’m evil now.” And that’s what I love about Infinity Train. Everyone feels so real. Anyways yeah ramble over, if you’ve read this far, feel free to discuss more with me if you feel like I overlooked anything or just wanna spark more conversation!! <33

[isdalinarhot]

Obligitory Dalinar for if no one else sends it. If someone did then dalinar_pants

First impression: I HATE THIS GUY FUCK THIS GUY FUCK THIS SHITTY ASS BASTARD LOVES KILLING LOVES FUCKING HIS SISTER IN LAW DALINAR MORE LIKE DIE-LINAR BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO DIE Impression now: i hate his politics. i hate the horrible shit he's done. i think he's a fascinating character. i think he is a person who has like, genuine love for his family in his heart but hes too emotionally stunted and boomerlike to effectively communicate with most of them. i think that does not absolve him of his shitty pre-cultivation self and at this point the ball is in the court of the people who care about him to decide whether or not staying in contact with him besides what is like…. is a choice they want to make. and above all. i think he's mr sexy Favorite moment: he is one of the three main protagonists of the series so he has a lot of epic highs and lows and amazing powerfully written scenes but the scene that i will never forget for my whole life is the scene from row where he has the bridge four soup with renarin and then renarin talks to him about like being a freaky half honor half odium radiant and then dalinar gives a vague endorsement of gay pride that does not make renarin feel any better. its so funny but it shows off his Changing For The Better Journey so well in microcosm. it shows him honestly trying to be a not shit dad but then it still isn't really enough for the stuff he's doing to make a difference to the people he's doing it to and he's still not making change on a large enough scale to "even out" the horrible shit that he's done. LIKE…. literally everyone who has had a kind of shit parent who went to therapy and took it to heart WILL point at dalinar and go THATS MY MOM/DAD. MY MOM/DAD WAS LIKE THIS like it's very relaistic. stormlight archive. so well written. man. Idea for a story: i think he and raboniel should go on a coffee date where they both bond over having killed thousands of innocent civilians and having known navani biblically Unpopular opinion: i think everyone who talks about how horrible he was in row needs to keep in mind that 1. he was barely in it 2. he's not interacting with, like, anyone in any meaningful capacity because the plot demands that he be busy with a sidequest so that navani can have her lesbian prison adventure and stuff 3. he's literally at baseline like he is not better or worse in row than he is in the other three books like he has sweet moments in row he has ALEXA CANCEL THIS CLOWN‼︎‼︎‼︎ moments in row but thats true of him in literally every book. ALSO rip to people who don't like reading the blackthorn backstories because they hate seeing dalinar be an amoral bloodthirsty piece of shit but i enjoy it. sometimes you look at hot messes and go you know what at least my haunted tragic past of evil misdeeds wasn't This bad Favorite relationship: whatever the fuck he has going on with sadeas is so funny to watch. twok and wor are such fun books for dalinar shenanigans before shit starts hitting the fan in the wor sanderlanche Favorite headcanon: cannot think of a single headcanon my brain is wiped out

[gffa]

Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Stories of Light and Dark, coming August 25, promises to be a beautiful tribute to the just-completed animated series. The anthology will collect 11 stories by 11 authors — Lou Anders, Preeti Chhibber, Zoraida Córdova, Jason Fry, Rebecca Roanhorse, Greg Van Eekhout, Tom Angleberger, E. Anne Convery, Sarah Beth Durst, Yoon Ha Lee, and Anne Ursu — including 10 retellings of memorable episodes and arcs and one original Nightsisters-based story.  So if you loved the tales of Ahsoka, Maul, and clanker-busting clones, Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Stories of Light and Dark will give you the chance to experience them again in a whole new way. Like Captain Rex on a recon mission, StarWars.com reached out to each author to learn why they love The Clone Wars, and which stories they’re telling. Lou Anders (“Dooku Captured” and “The Gungan General,” based on the episodes of the same name): I love The Clone Wars for expanding the story of Anakin’s fall from grace. Skywalker really shines in the series, and we see what he truly was, and what he could have been, and by giving him so many opportunities to excel in the early season, his ultimate fate is that much more tragic. I also love the series for gifting us my all-time favorite Star Wars character, and one of my favorite characters from any universe — Hondo Ohnaka!      My chapter is a retelling of the first season story arc that plays out across the episodes “Dooku Captured” and “The Gungan General.” I wanted to explore this storyline because I find Count Dooku a fascinating character. Sometimes pure, mustache-twirling, mwa-ha-ha evil can actually be boring to write, but a villain who feels they are justified, either because of perceived slights or intellectual superiority or the failure of their rivals or birthright are much more interesting, and Dooku is a bit of all of this. For research, I obviously watched tons of Clone Wars. But I also read up on everything about Dooku I could find, and I listened to Christopher Lee and Corey Burton’s interpretation of the character over and over, trying to internalize their speech patterns. Dooku is so gorgeously supercilious. It was just a blast to get in his head and see the world from his perspective. (And the fact that the storyline gave me another chance to write for my beloved Hondo Ohnaka was an added bonus!) Tom Angleberger (“Bane’s Story,” based on the episodes “Deception,” “Friends and Enemies,” “The Box,” and “Crisis on Naboo”): There’s a lot to love in The Clone Wars, but I think it’s Ahsoka’s arc that really stands out the most. Ventress’s arc does, too, and the way that these arcs cross at the just the right moment is really great Star Wars!      My chapter is based on the “Crisis on Naboo” story arc. It’s basically a Space Western. The baddest bounty hunter of them all, Cad Bane, is hired to kidnap the Chancellor. What he doesn’t know is that almost everyone is lying to him, especially a fellow bounty hunter who is really Obi-Wan in disguise. In the TV version, we see it all from Obi-Wan’s point of view, so we know that Bane is getting played. In this retelling, we see it all from Bane’s point of view and, boy, is he going to be mad! To prepare I watched both The Clone Wars AND old spaghetti Westerns starring Bane’s inspiration: Lee Van Cleef. Preeti Chhibber (“Hostage Crisis,” based on the episode of the same name): I love the story that the prequels tell, but because of the nature of what they were trying to do — tell a decade and a half worth of story in three films — we’re missing major moments in what the war really means to the galaxy at large, and in the Skywalker saga itself. The Clone Wars tells us that part of the narrative, it gives us the shape of what entire populations of people had to go through because of this war manufactured by the ultimate evil. And within that scope gives us the hope and love and beautiful tragedy we associate with Star Wars on a larger scale. (Also, Ahsoka Tano — The Clone Wars gave us Ahsoka Tano and for that I will be ever grateful.)      I’m writing Anakin’s story during “Hostage Crisis” — an episode in the first season of The Clone Wars. I decided to write the story entirely from Anakin’s perspective, which meant being inside his head before the fall, but where we are starting to see more of the warning signs. And then there’s also the romance of this episode! Anakin’s love for Padmé is real and all-consuming and, as we eventually find out, unhealthy. So, this is a romantic episode, but one that shows us Anakin is ruled by his heart. And that that’s a dangerous thing for a Jedi. In order to best wrap my own head around what was going on, I watched the episode itself several times, and read the script, and then I watched the chronological episodes of Anakin’s run-ins with Cad Bane, so I could get a real feel for where he was with his understanding of Bane’s character. E. Anne Convery (“Bug,” based on the episode “Massacre”): I love it because I think it’s a story that manages, while still being a satisfying adventure, to not glorify war. It does this mainly by following through on the arcs of wonderful, terrifying, funny, fallible, and diverse characters. From the personal to the political, The Clone Warsredefines the ways, big and small, that we can be heroes.      My chapter is the “original” tale, though it still touches on The Clone Wars Season Four episode “Massacre,” with brief appearances by Mother Talzin and Old Daka. If I had to boil it down, I’d say that it’s a story about mothers and daughters. Honestly, it felt a little like cheating, because writing new characters meant I got to be creative in the Star Wars universe somewhat unencumbered by what’s come before. I did, however, have several long text chats with Sam Witwer because I was interested in Talzin’s motivations. We talked about stuff like her capacity (or lack thereof) for love. I think I came away thinking she was more a creature driven by issues of power, control, and the desire for revenge, whereas Sam was a little kinder to her. I mean, he is her “son,” so you can’t really blame him for wanting to think better of her! I always love a story within a story, and I was interested in the space where the high mythology of Star Wars and the home-spun mythology of fairy tales could intersect. I drew on my own background in mythology, psychology, and the language of fairy tales, plus I did my Star Wars research. Re-watching the Nightsisters episodes was just plain fun. Zoraida Córdova (“The Lost Nightsister,” based on the episode “Bounty”): The Clone Wars deepens the characters we already love. It gives us the opportunity to explore the galaxy over a longer period of time and see the fight between the light and the dark side. Star Wars is about family, love, and hope. It’s also incredibly funny and that’s something that The Clone Wars does spectacularly. We also get to spend more time with characters we only see for a little bit in the movies like Boba Fett, Bossk, Darth Maul!      My chapter follows Ventress after she’s experienced a brutal defeat. Spoiler alert: she’s witnessed the death of her sisters. Now she’s on Tatooine and in a rut. She gets mixed up with a bounty hunter crew led by Boba Fett. Ventress’s story is about how she goes from being lost to remembering how badass she is. I watched several episodes with her in it, but I watched “Bounty” about 50 times. Sarah Beth Durst (“Almost a Jedi,” based on the episode “A Necessary Bond”): I spent a large chunk of my childhood pretending I was training to become a Jedi Knight, even though I’d never seen a girl with a lightsaber before. And then The Clone Wars came along and gave me Ahsoka with not one but TWO lightsabers, as well as a role in the story that broadened and deepened the tale of Anakin’s fall and the fall of the Jedi. So I jumped at the chance to write about her for this anthology.      In my story, I wrote about Ahsoka Tano from the point of view of Katooni, one of the Jedi younglings who Ahsoka escorts on a quest to assemble their first lightsabers, and it was one of the most fun writing experiences I’ve ever had! I watched the episode, “A Necessary Bond,” over and over, frame by frame, studying the characters and trying to imagine the world, the events, and Ahsoka herself through Katooni’s eyes. The episode shows you the story; I wanted to show you what it feels like to be inside the story. Greg van Eekhout (“Kenobi’s Shadow,” based on the episode “The Lawless”): What I most love about Clone Wars is how we really get to know the characters deeply and see them grow and change.      I enjoyed writing a couple of short scenes between Obi-Wan and Anakin that weren’t in the episode. I wanted to highlight their closeness as friends and show that Anakin’s not the only Jedi who struggles with the dark side. There’s a crucial moment in my story when Obi-Wan is close to giving into his anger and has to make a choice: Strike out in violence or rise above it. It’s always fun to push characters to extremes and see how they react. Jason Fry (“Sharing the Same Face,” based on the episode “Ambush”): I love The Clone Wars because it made already beloved characters even richer and deepened the fascinating lore around the Jedi and the Force.      I chose Yoda and the clones because the moment where Yoda rejects the idea that they’re all identical was one of the first moments in the show where I sat upright and said to myself, “Something amazing is happening here.” You get the entire tragedy of the Clone Wars right in that one quick exchange — the unwise bargain the Jedi have struck, Yoda’s compassion for the soldiers and insistence that they have worth, the clones’ gratitude for that, and how that gratitude is undercut by their powerlessness to avoid the fate that’s been literally hard-wired into them. Plus, though I’ve written a lot of Star Wars tales, I’d never had the chance to get inside Yoda’s head. That had been on my bucket list! Yoon Ha Lee (“The Shadow of Umbara,” based on the episodes “Darkness on Umbara,” “The General,” “Plan of Dissent,” and “Carnage of Krell”): I remember the first time I watched the “Umbara arc” — I was shocked that a war story this emotionally devastating was aired on a kids’ show. But then, kids deserve heartfelt, emotionally devastating stories, too. It was a pleasure to revisit the episodes and figure out how to retell them from Rex’s viewpoint in a compact way. I have so much respect for the original episodes’ writer, Matt Michnovetz — I felt like a butcher myself taking apart the work like this! Rebecca Roanhorse (“Dark Vengeance,” based on the episode “Brothers”): I always love a backstory and Clone Wars was the backstory that then became a rich and exciting story all its own. The writing and character development is outstanding and really sucks you into the world.      I chose to write the two chapters that reintroduce Darth Maul to the world. We find him broken and mentally unstable, not knowing his own name but obsessed with revenge against Obi-Wan and we get to see him rebuild himself into a cruel, calculating, and brilliant villain. It was so much fun to write and I hope readers enjoy it. Anne Ursu (“Pursuit of Peace,” based on the episode “Heroes on Both Sides”): The Clone Wars creates a space for terrific character development. The attention paid to the relationships between Anakin and Obi-Wan, and Anakin and Ahsoka make for really wonderful and resonant stories, and give so much depth to the whole universe.      I was at first a little scared to write Padmé, as her character felt pretty two dimensional to me. But the more I watched her episodes in Clone Wars, the more dimension she took on. She’s such an interesting character — she’s both idealistic and realistic, so when corruption runs rampant in the Senate she doesn’t get disillusioned, she just fights harder. She has an ability to deal with nuance in a way that is rare in the Republic — and it means she’s not afraid to bend a few laws to make things right. In this chapter, the Senate is about to deregulate the banks in order to fund more troops, and Padmé decides to take matters into her own hand and sneak into Separatist territory in order to start peace negotiations. Of course, neither Dooku nor the corrupt clans of the Republic are going to allow for this to happen, so the threats to the peace process, the Republic, and Padmé’s life only grow. This arc is the perfect distillation of Padmé’s character, and it made getting into her head for it fairly simple. But I did watch all the Padmé Clone Wars episodes and read E.K. Johnston’s book about her, as well as Thrawn: Alliances, in which she has a major storyline. I really loved writing her. Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Stories of Light and Dark arrives August 25 and is available for pre-order now.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Ant, Uber, and the true nature of money

The US election news has largely overshadowed a seismic moment in global finance: Ant, a fintech company that spun out of Alibaba/Alipay, was scheduled to have the world's largest IPO, topping even Aramco, the Saudi sovereign wealth fund.

Then Chinese regulators canceled it.

As Yves Smith writes in her excellent Naked Capitalism breakdown, the consensus narrative on this is capricious Chinese regulators changed their minds and jerked the rug out from under Ali's billionaire owner Jack Ma.

The reality is a lot chewier.

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2020/11/china-takes-step-against-securitization-consumer-borrowing-with-suspension-of-ant-ipo.html

To understand it, you need to understand the difference between the Chinese and American "money story." In the US, there is widespread, unquestioning faith in the fairytale that money predates the state and is separate from it.

In this story, people come together to trade but are plagued by disparate goods: if I want to pay for your chickens with a cow, how do you make change? They spontaneously decide that something (gold?) is money and price their cows and chicks in it.

Then, governments come along tax our gold away, and then to add insult to injury, governments abandon gold and insist that paper is as good as gold, print too much of it and crash the economy!

This probably sounds familiar to you, but it's just not true.

The actual historical reality, supported by history, archaeology and anthropology, is that governments created money by creating tax. The first "money" was the Babylonian ledgers that recorded how much of their crops farmers owed to the state and their creditors.

Money took a leap forward with imperial conquest: emperors solved the logistical problem of feeding and billeting their occupying soldiers by charging the occupied a tax that had to be paid for in coins stamped with the emperor's head.

They paid the soldiers in these coins, and demanded that their conquered populations somehow get the coins in order to pay their tax, with violent consequences if the tax wasn't paid. So the people sold food and other necessities to soldiers to get the coins.

Money, in other words, is how states provision themselves, and it derives its value from the fact that you have to pay your taxes in it. Governments spend money into existence by buying labor and goods from the public, and then tax it out of existence once a year.

The money the government spends, but does not tax, is the public's money - the money left over for us to transact. All the money in circulation is the sum total of all the money the government spent but didn't tax - that is, the government's deficit is the public's asset.

When governments run "balanced budgets" (or budget surpluses), they remove money from the economy, leaving the public with less to spend. That can be a good thing - a way to fight inflation, which is when too much money chases too few assets.

Low government spending slows growth by taking away the private sector's ability to spend. When the private sector is at full employment, when it is buying all the stuff that's for sale, you need to do something to keep inflation at bay.

During WWII, the USG competed with the private sector for stuff and labor. Uncle Sam spent lots of new money into existence, paying people to build munitions - but then convinced people to buy war bonds, burying that new money for years to come.

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2019/07/taxes-for-revenue-are-obsolete.html

But when governments run so lean that there isn't enough money in the economy for the private sector to buy the stuff it needs, it seeks out other forms of money, like bank loans (which generate interest income for shareholders - one reason the market likes austerity).

In theory, bank lending is tightly regulated. Banks are the government's fiscal agents, creatures of the state, only able to trade because of a government charter. But when there isn't enough money in the system, unregulated banks spring into existence.

Another word for "unregulated bank" is "fintech" (h/t Riley Quinn).

And now we're back to China and the money story. Chinese finance regulators have always treated money as a public utility, to be spent or withdrawn to accomplish public purposes.

During the country's rapid industrialization, regulators loosened the flow of money to allow for rapid capacity-building, directing the country's productive capacity to building factories that would multiply that capacity.

But when they shut off the spigot and told factory owners that their future growth would come from making and selling things, the wealthy rebelled and sought out money from unlicensed banks or banks that were willing to break the rules.

This led to a string of subprime debt crises over the past five years, as regulators crushed these wildcat money-creators as fast as they popped up.

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2016-02-17/china-s-600-billion-subprime-crisis-is-already-here

China's 1% fought back. They emigrated:

https://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2012/08/rich-chinese-flee/

They used cryptocurrency (aka fintech) to evade capital controls, inflating the Bitcoin price-bubble and the Vancouver/Sydney/etc real-estate price bubble as they laundered their money and stashed it in safe-deposit boxes in the sky:

https://www.ft.com/content/bad16a88-d6fd-11e6-944b-e7eb37a6aa8e

As China's shadow economy ballooned it also grew in criminality. There was the wave of Chinese debt-kidnappings, which became so widespread that hostage-taking was described as "China's small claims court."

https://foreignpolicy.com/2017/08/08/chinas-police-think-hostages-arent-their-problem/

No wonder regulators fought back.

China's regulators didn't win a decisive victory, but they retained enormous control over their money-supply, and that REALLY paid off when the pandemic hit and they suspended all debts, rents, and taxes and mothballed the entire productive economy.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/01/cant-pay-wont-pay/#jubilee-now

Contrast with the US where the finance sector is an industry, not a public utility. Finance flexed its political muscle and diverted nearly the whole stimulus to itself, then crushed the productive economy by demanding debt service and rents.

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2020/09/michael-hudson-how-an-act-of-god-pandemic-is-destroying-the-west-the-u-s-is-saving-the-financial-sector-not-the-economy.html

The ability to use finance as a utility is one of China's crucial assets, and it defends that asset ferociously. And THAT'S why the Ant IPO got killed. Ant's major source of income is short-term, high-interest lending, what Chinese regulators call "pawnbrokering."

China's pawnbrokers are a $43B shadow banking sector, and the country's regulators have been cracking down on them for the past year.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-03-12/china-is-said-to-scrutinize-43-billion-pawn-shop-lending-boom

$43B is a drop in the bucket of China's shadow economy (valued at $9T!), but it has real metastatic potential.

Ant's innovation is to fintechify the pawnbroker industry, by tying it to apps (on the front end) and to a US-style debt-brokerage (on the back end).

IOW: Ant's business model is that desperate people use an app to request and quickly receive high-risk, high-interest loans.

Then Ant sells the loans to "investors" (AKA "securitization"). Converting debts into income streams for third parties is the true basis of the finance industry. It's the means by which socially useless intermediaries extract ever-mounting rents from the productive economy.

And as Smith writes in her breakdown, the fact that Chinese finance regulators weren't going to let Ant explode his mass-scale, app-based payday-lending pawnbrokerage is not a surprise. They've been telling Jack Ma this for MONTHS, publicly and privately.

Ma thought he could simply bull his way past the Chinese regulators - that because he runs Alibaba and its subsidiaries, that they would defer to him. But the whole point of a finance regulator is NOT to let the finance sector write its own rules.

That's because bankers will cheerfully set the whole economy on fire to turn a buck (see, e.g., America).

Ant was on track for the largest IPO in world history due to investors' appetite for converting Chinese money from a public utility to a private enrichment vehicle.

So yeah, you're goddamned right the Chinese regulator wasn't going to let him do it. Their whole JOB is to not let him do it.

If you read this far, you may be asking yourself why, if governments don't need taxes to fund programs, they bother to tax at all?

There are two important reasons. The first is to fight inflation, by removing existing money from circulation so that when the government spends new money into existence to pay for the things it needs, that money isn't bidding against the existing supply.

But the other reason is to deprive the wealthy of the power that money brings, lest they use that power to pervert policy. Jack Ma's billions are what got him to the brink of a disastrous IPO for his unregulated bank.

And the US election demonstrates just how badly public policy fares when concentrated money is brought to bear on it for parochial purposes. Take Prop 22, the California ballot initiative to allow Uber and Lyft to misclassify their employees as independent contractors.

No on Prop 22 is a no-brainer. Vast numbers of gig workers are full-time employees, not contractors, and Lyft and Uber and other gig economy companies have pioneered labor misclassification as a tactic for paying literal starvation wages.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/10/14/final_ver2/#prop-22

And yet, Prop 22 passed, thanks to the largest-ever spending on any ballot initiative in California history: $205 million ($628,854/day!), spent pn 19 PR firms (including Big Tobacco's cancer-denial specialists).

https://jacobinmag.com/2020/11/proposition-22-california-uber-lyft-gig-employee/

The spend included a bribe to the NAACP Chair's consultancy that made sub-minimum wage jobs with no benefits for people of color (the majority of gig workers) seem like a blow for racial justice.

All told, Uber/Lyft's campaign outspent 49 out of 53 CA House races COMBINED.

And it was a bargain. Lyft and Uber have stolen $413m from California's employment insurance fund since 2014 - and that's just one cost they ducked through this victory. Far more important are the savings they'll realize on worker safety and job-related death claims.

The gig economy companies are the epitome of the financial economy destroying the productive economy. None of these companies turn a profit, after all - all they do is destroy actual, profitable businesses.

Currently the entire restaurant sector is being laid to waste by Postmates and Uber Eats (even as both lose vast sums):

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/19/we-are-beautiful/#man-in-the-middle

And the workers who lost out with Prop 22 are being "chickenized" - having all the risk of operating a business shifted onto their side of the ledger:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/14/poesy-the-monster-slayer/#stay-on-target

(No surprise, one of Prop 22's signature achievements was denying workers the right to unionize).

The desperation of chickenized workers is downright dystopian:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/02/free-steven-donziger/#phone-trees

and chickenization (not automation) is the major cause of falling wages:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/06/17/on-face-interaction/#zombie-robots

Lyft, Uber, Postmates, and the whole gamut of gig economy companies are all haemorrhaging money. Uber alone lost $4.7B in the first half of 2020. That's how you can tell they aren't tech companies: tech companies profited during the pandemic.

Gig-economy companies aren't part of the productive economy - they're part of the finance economy. They rely on investors, not profits from delighted customers, to stay afloat. They make nothing. They destroy everything: workers' lives, productive businesses.

They will never be profitable. Ever.

Take Uber. The company only exists because the Saudi royals amassed so much money that they could bend reality. The "Saudi Vision 2030" plan calls for the creation of new sources of post-oil wealth.

To that end, the Saudis have poured money into the Softbank VC fund, which then supported global-scale, money-losing, predatory businesses in the hopes of securing a monopoly (or, failing that, unloading the company onto dazzled suckers).

When the company IPOed last year, it had already lost $10b. It loses $0.41 on every dollar you spend on your fare. And yet, the Saudis got away clean, off the backs of investors who assumed that a pile of shit this big must have a pony under it somewhere.

Some believed the company's lies about the imminence of self-driving cars. Uber is not going to make a self-driving car.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/30/death-to-all-monopoly/#pogo-stick-problem

Some believed the company's lies about profitability via growth. It can't grow to profitability. By its own disclosures, profitability depends on every public transit system in the world shutting down and being replaced by Ubers. #Nagahappen.

https://48hills.org/2019/05/ubers-plans-include-attacking-public-transit/

The Saudi strategy - and its punishing, economy-destroying reality-distortions - are exemplary of what happens when government let too much money accumulate in unaccountable, private hands. Prop 22 will kill and starve workers, and the public will pick up the pieces.

The businesses that profit from these deaths and immiseration will fail anyway, but not before their major backers and top execs make hundreds of millions or billions.

Recall: the Ant IPO was set to smash the existing record: Saudi Aramco (AKA the money behind Uber).

Meanwhile, all the blood and treasure squandered on Prop 22 - the $205m spent on the Yes side, the $20 spent by unions on the No side - won't save Uber or other gig economy companies.

Not only are they bleeding money, but as Edward Ongweso Jr explains, "Uber is losing legal challenges in France, Britain, Canada, Italy," turning drivers into employees or allowing "lawsuits reclassifying them as such."

https://www.vice.com/en/article/3annmb/proposition-22-passes-in-california-but-uber-and-lyft-are-only-delaying-the-inevitable

And other US states - NY, MA, NJ - are working to end the misclassification of Uber drivers and other gig workers.

Permitting Uber and other gig economy companies to flout the law did not make the economy better. All it did was transfer more money to the wealthy.

And the money they wealthy amass is converted to political power, usurping money's role as a public utility and converting it to a means to seek private gains at public expense.

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 32

Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, and everything seems to be going well. In fact, their life nearly becomes perfection; no more bullies, better grades, and a lot less stress. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems and that Lyrem has been hiding a very dark, and troubling secret…

Oooh I have to say I’m pretty proud of this chapter. I had to wrestle with a thousand and one plot-holes to make it work and it’s almost 2:30am but it was all worth it. Enjoy!

MasterList 

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror & @livingforthewhump

CW: Gore, body horror, creepy whumper, swearing, there’s one bad pun this time. I lol’d about it for arguably too long.

------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: CURTAINS

         Paimon whistled an old tune through his lips as he stepped across the hall. The knives had been placed away, and in speaking with Apollo, he had come to a startling revelation about himself and his goals.

         It was Arthur’s turn to be strapped down to the table and this time, it wouldn’t be in a dining hall. Before long, Paimon had the room transformed into a stage, with dining chairs to line the one and only audience row. There was no need for a large gathering. Paimon had a very limited guest list. He had sent invitations with some poorly thought puns just for the fun of it, and had no intention of being stood up. This would be a performance of a lifetime and as director, Paimon wouldn’t dare to have a single aspect go awry.

         He clucked his hooves down the darkest hallway by-passing Apollo’s chamber for the one with the two sorry humans. It seemed they were cut off from a sour discussion when they heard his steps through the corridor.

         “-it really shouldn’t take too much effort”-

         “How would you know?” Lyrem hissed.

         Paimon smiled, glad that the two prisoners were making nice with each other.

         “Big plans, my boys?” he sauntered through, making eye contact with Arthur, who rolled his eyes away from the creature to avoid looking at him fully. “No? Not a fishing trip or some good old mountaineering? I hear Colorado is gorgeous this time of year.”

         Paimon tapped a chain with a fingernail to produce a clinking sound near Arthur’s wrist. The chains began lowering themselves down at the behest of an invisible, magical force. The moment he had slack, Arthur wrapped a loop of chain around Paimon’s neck and pulled it taut against his forearm. He had the upper hand, and there was nothing that Paimon could do to affect him.

         “Agree to let Arch out of this deal right now, you”-

         Paimon grinned and vanished into a plume of black smoke. Arthur stumbled from the release of pressure against the beast.

         Paimon stalked up behind him, enjoying the little act of defiance, but he had to be stern. He wagged a finger at the human and tutted.

         “You know better than that,” Paimon exclaimed. “I may not be able to hurt you with magic, but I can certainly still use it to get myself out of a sticky situation.”

         He kept himself to a distance as not to get tied up twice, and glanced toward Lyrem, who seemed to be keeping to himself and was intentionally avoiding eye contact by turning his head away.

         “So emotional… Don’t worry old friend, you’ll get your chance as well,” Paimon noted. He returned to Arthur with a renewed interest in his eyes. “Now, you listen. We have quite the performance ahead of us and you’re already busted up enough as it is. I don’t want to make it any worse. That’s for Arch to do.”

         Arthur glanced from Paimon to his way out into the hall and then back again.

         “Clear terms,” Arthur began, “Arch is given five minutes to carve out my heart, and if they fail, they are free from all bonds, any agreements, including any signed ones they had with you. And if you use even one ounce of your power to force them”-

         Paimon nodded, “I don’t know why you need to specify it, Arty, truly. Arch will do splendidly and you’ll never see the light of day again. It’s a winning situation all around.”

         “If you try to force them into doing anything at all,” Arthur insisted. “Then Arch is released, agreed?”

         Paimon scoffed, and nodded, “Agreed! For goodness sakes, were you a lawyer in a past life? Clearly not, I think. The lawyers I know wouldn’t come to an agreement like this unless it was in writing- they’d also think of themselves first. Do you have any clue what will happen to you, Arty? What will become of you if Arch is released?”

         As Paimon rambled, he tapped the shackles again, and this time with severe discipline, Arthur refrained from trying to strike at Paimon a second time. His shackles were joined now; morphed from a joint in the wall to linking together from his wrists and his ankles with hardly a sound to it.

         “I don’t care what happens to me,” Arthur declared, “as long as Arch is free from you.”

         “Such a sweet thing, caring about your Arch so much. I doubt that feeling will last for very much longer.” Paimon ushered Arthur forward. He was unable to teleport him anyway. The Abysmal Flame prevented Arthur from being controlled by any force placed upon him that was not physical in nature. “Move along now, we don’t have all day. Our guests will be arriving shortly.”

         With a final glance to Lyrem from across the room, Arthur followed Paimon out the door and through the halls.

         The hall lit itself as Paimon took his hoof-steps through, avoiding the empty souls lurking between shadowed pillars. Arthur moved slowly, feeling tired and sick from his lacking energy.

“What guests?” Arthur inquired.

         “Did I not tell you earlier that it was a performance? I invited several guests to have front row seats… my uncle Hades, my half-sister, and oh, of course, your dear sister Charlotte as well.”

         Arthur’s blood ran frigid. The tense, shaky breath that followed made Paimon smirk with delight.

         “Ah yes, I’ll be sure she is there to watch her child to carve out the heart of her dear little brother. I couldn’t pass up that opportunity.”

         “But you’re also releasing Hades? And Persephone?” Arthur asked with a puzzled look as they ascended the stairs.

         “You mistake me for a fool?” Paimon challenged. “They will be bound to obeying me and my laws the moment they enter through the door I’ve created for them. Don’t think they’ll be there to do anything more than watch you suffer.”

         Paimon led Arthur up to a small door that opened to the dining hall- now a stage with some seating and a table for Arthur to lie on.

         Arthur stood at the head of the table as Paimon motioned for him to climb up. Shaking his head regretfully, he pulled his hand from his pocket, hoisted himself up and spun onto its surface. His chains were tapped again, and obeyed Paimon perfectly. They fastened themselves into the table until Arthur’s arms were taut to his side and his hands had just a little wiggle room near his hips.

         Arthur stared up at the satyr, feeling more vulnerable than he ever did before, and watched Paimon lean over eagerly. His pointed beard draped across Arthur’s shoulder and touched the tabletop.

         “This is a good look for you,” he mentioned with a deadly grin.

         Feeling humble, Arthur looked away, seeing the chairs that would soon be filled with spectators; one of which would be his sister. Suddenly, he wasn’t so concerned for himself anymore.

         “Don’t make Charlotte watch.”

         “Hmm?”

         Arthur blinked slowly, knowing that Paimon had heard him clear as day and yet pretended not to. This was all part of the fun. There was no point in repeating himself.

         From the back wall, behind the chairs, a bright light glowed where three outlines stood, waiting to make their entrance.

         “Ah, here they come.” Paimon smiled and offered Arthur a wink. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

--------------------------------------

Earlier,

“What are you trying to do?”

“I’m trying to create another portal.”

Lyrem sighed. Arthur’s efforts were admirable at least.

“The chains will prevent you from crossing through,” he said. “Besides, I’ve already explained to you once that the only way out of this is to go through with the deal you made”-

“I’m not trying to make a portal for me,” Arthur spoke exasperated. “I’m trying to create one for you. I know how these things go down, alright? You get into a deal with someone and then they change the rules, they raise the price because they know what you need from them. Once Arch is out of their deal, Paimon will use them against me. Arch might end up back at square one if we don’t have a significant amount of leverage.”

“Life as a junkie has certainly prepared you for this moment, hasn’t it?”

Arthur stared at the old man incredulously at the sudden unloading of baggage, and shook his head.

“My apologies” Lyrem corrected himself and cleared his throat. “You hope to release me, which won’t work, and then expect me to… do what?”

“Release Apollo. Find your friend Hekate… I assume you are resourceful enough to figure something out so that we can finally end this nightmare. It really shouldn’t take too much effort.”

“How would you know?” Lyrem hissed.

Falling to a sudden silence, Lyrem made a quick glance to Arthur as Paimon entered. Paimon addressed Arthur first.

Arthur was in no condition to create portals. Lyrem could see that he was in pain enough already as it was, but even so, Arthur’s eyes locked with his for the briefest of seconds when the chains became loose. Arthur had directed his eyes to Lyrem and then nodded toward his left hand.

The smallest of voids had formed behind his hand and into the metal piece that held his wrist up. Before Paimon could pay any significant attention to Lyrem, Arthur had wrapped a chain around his neck and started to threaten him.

Perhaps Lyrem had misjudged Arthur’s capacity to be clever, but it was still only one small portal; a gap in space and time where his wrist could pass through. It wasn’t quite enough to set Lyrem free; not yet, anyhow. Lyrem took the distraction as an opportunity to recite a mantra respecting the sacred geometry; one that would hopefully allow him to multiply one portal into four.

“Ek mein do, do mein chaar,” he whispered. The power flowed through him like water; out of earshot from Paimon, who hadn’t even realized that Lyrem was reciting ancient magic that no one had any claim over.

“So emotional… Don’t worry old friend, you’ll get your chance as well.”

Lyrem ignored Paimon’s words, still concentrating on himself instead. Soon, the other two exited the room, and Lyrem recited his words one final time before falling completely forward onto his hands and knees.

“Even as a dead man, I still feel pain,” he muttered bitterly. “How is that fair?”

He grunted, lifting himself to his feet and turned around, noticing the shackles were still intact and the voids still existing on their metal cuffs. In a spark of light, the four voids collapsed into themselves and left nothing behind.

“Must learn how to do that one day…” Remembering the task at hand, he rubbed his hands together and made his way through to the hall. “Now, to find our… leverage.”

Paimon and Arthur were gone from the hall, and it was left in darkness. The decrepit beings that roamed the halls there ignored him as he followed the corridor down to where he knew Apollo would be kept as a prisoner. The light still poured from beneath, leaking out into the hall. Lyrem took a quick glance from side to side and opened the door.

Lyrem forced himself forward towards the Sun God with his eyes squinting through the brightness. The light dimmed as the god awoke, exhausted from his half-brother’s brief visit. Lyrem started on one of the shackles holding Apollo in place around a wrist but realized soon that they were clearly the same as the ones he had only just escaped from, one room over and wouldn’t be able to get through them without help.

“Shit,” Lyrem muttered. Apollo did not look surprised or like he cared.

“Controlled by Pan, for Pan, I’m afraid,” he managed. “Did you, a silly little mortal, really believe that you could release me? There was a good reason why I sent that call through to you. I wanted to reach Persephone, or Hades.

You are useless.”

Lyrem backed off from Apollo, put on edge from the insulting remark.

“I’ll have you know I contained a great amount of magical prowess before I met your brother! Now, help me find a way to release you before”-

Apollo chuckled tiredly.

“What? What is so funny?”

“You,” Apollo answered. “You are a fool! The reason I am here at all is because Pan convinced you to tear out your father’s heart. I couldn’t give him what he wanted when I lost. I bet on the wrong horse’s conscience, didn’t I? And now, you are here, trying to right all the wrong you’ve done at the behest of Pan and oh… it just makes me laugh. It’s practically poetry.”

“Well, then,” Lyrem didn’t have time to explain himself, nor should he have to at all. His life was just laid out before him once again as a used chew toy on the ground. Now Apollo was the one judging him for his decisions. Lyrem looked to Apollo’s chest that was opened and bore a golden heart, still pumping. It was the source of the light. Paimon had left the clamp on to hold the gaping wound open. Lyrem touched the metal handle, and jolted back as it was very hot- as though it had been sitting in the heat of a flame. He quickly soothed his hand, weaved a protection spell through his fingers and promptly tried a second time. He gripped it, loosened the bar, and pulled.

Apollo screamed. The release of his wound was more painful than either of them had expected it to be. Lyrem tossed the metal bar to the ground and raised a brow. The light faded more and more as the wound healed over in record time.

“How was that?” Lyrem sniffed, wiping the golden blood off of his hands and onto his pant leg. “Was that a good enough deed for you? Or should I have torn your heart out for fun? Believe it or not, I am capable of making rational decisions- even those where my dear dad was involved. If you had known him, you’d have ripped him apart too.”

Apollo had no choice but to listen to Lyrem as his body recovered quite painfully.

“Maria once told me that I was too passionate- too emotional for her. I tried to rectify that, in order to please her, to please Pan, and everyone else I had come across in life thinking that I was always doing something wrong. But, I see now, emotional is part of who I am. Doing things out of emotion does not make me any less rational- on the contrary I believe it has made me much more productive.” Lyrem stopped speaking as Apollo met his eyes. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

The god exhaled, thankful that his chest had closed up completely. The light in the room had gone out, leaving the ambient glow of the bulbs along the wall. Lyrem stood along the ledge, searching for any portion of chain that might be weak enough to sever. There wasn’t. If Lyrem remembered correctly, Paimon had once boasted about acquiring them from Ares, the God of War and he wasn’t anything, if not particular about securing prisoners. But Ares hadn’t met Lyrem Nomadus, and Lyrem Nomadus wasn’t planning to leave Apollo chained up in the basement of the Underworld without trying a few tricks of his own. Unbound by the chains and without Paimon around to interfere, Lyrem was much handier than any god would expect. The chains began to lower, releasing slack to Apollo until his bare feet rested on the floor.

“How are you doing that?” Apollo asked. He turned his head. Lyrem hadn’t done visibly, anything to warrant the lowering chains. Their lengths clinked to the floor.

“A calming chant, a song of innocence- although…”

“What?” Apollo asked, impatient in Lyrem’s pause. The cuffs hadn’t released.

“To release you, would mean you would have to give Paimon what he was owed,” Lyrem said. “What do you owe to him?”

Apollo grunted, “he doesn’t deserve what I owe him. Not after everything he has done to our family and to me.”

Lyrem raised a brow in mild confusion, “then why stick by his side? Why play his games at all?”

“Because I care about him,” he growled back. “Like an idiot. I humored him because I felt like I had to- like I could make him better if I gave him my attention. He’s my family, and one of my closest kin. And… He’s a lost cause.”

Out of habit, Lyrem reached for his stopwatch, which had been destroyed long ago, just to see how much time had passed them by. Such an indication only told him that they would be running out of time soon enough.

         Arch would be carving into Arthur at any moment now.

         “What did Paimon want?”

         “He wanted a Sun for his realm, the Labyrinth.”

         “Give it to him.” Lyrem ordered. “And when he goes back, you will lock him in. Can you manage that?”

         “Lock my brother in his own realm?” Apollo looked skeptical, but nodded. “I’ll do what I can. But truthfully, there is no guarantee”-

         “And we’ll have to remove one of the Labyrinth’s inhabitants first. A little girl. Maybe a year old,” Lyrem added.

         “There is a child in the Labyrinth? Why?” Concerned, Apollo watched Lyrem gulp slightly.

         “I’d rather not say.” Lyrem gestured for Apollo to open a door to the Labyrinth. “But you could take her out of there, couldn’t you? And she would be… fine?”

         “I believe so,” Apollo pushed his hands together in concentration, and then pulled them apart until a void grew in front of them. “Once the Sun is delivered there, I should be able to remove her quite easily.”

         “Good, good…” Lyrem muttered. “Well? What are you waiting for? Give him the Su”-

         They were no longer in the basement area. Instead, Lyrem was seated in a chair from the dining hall and staring out at a familiar set of faces. One was on the table, trying to speak to the shorter one standing over them with a jeweled blade; Arthur was pleading with them to listen- to hear them. But Arch was in the middle of a sweet guitar lick and couldn’t hear anything happening, even if it was only a foot or two away. They were waiting to the next song before they started their five-minute carving challenge, just as Paimon asked them to. Charlotte sat beside him on one side and beyond her, Persephone and Hades. All watched on, not paying mind to Lyrem and Apollo’s sudden arrival. Paimon found his own seat between Lyrem and Apollo and sat himself down.

         He chuckled looking from one disappointed face to the other and handed each of them a pamphlet. Grinning, he patted both of them on the shoulder.

“Glad you both could make opening night.”

[shadaofallthings]

Harrow is thoroughly haunted (also very mentally unhealthy due to her parents/culture’s practices)

There are a couple points to this theory crafting I have, but the basic statement is as such: Harrow is haunted by more than one revenant, at the very least The Sleeper and AL/The Corpse but likely way more, potentially including every one of the 200 ghosts Harrow’s parents killed to make her. I’d also like to note that this theory will discuss mental health a main subject of its theorizing. Having mental health issues or possessing certain traits that society deems mentally unhealthy is not a mark against your own character, or a reason to try and be normal by society’s standards. This theory will also discuss potential physiological causes for mental health issues. If you are sensitive to such discussions, this is probably not the theory for you to be reading on a bad day for your own mental health.   The first thing this theory hinged on is Ortus’ ability to contribute to the summoning of Matthias Nonias through, as Abigail says without the narrative challenging her, passion alone. This establishes that while most works of passion and people’s attempts to connect with their departed loved may not be enough to create a link, a notably obsessive work of passion and focus, one worked on for years, can have effects on The River, and Revenants summoned from it. Pretty simple, all you gotta accept for this one is that people with certain obsessions or fixations, the kinds that keep them thinking about someone for years, can help summon ghosts. The second thing this is hinged on is that when you summon/forge a bond through the method that Ortus did, you shape how the ghost will be summoned into reality. This is most easily demonstrated by Matthias Nonias commenting, multiple times, on the fact its strange that he is speaking in meter, that his behaviors in his duel with The Sleeper were not the normal ones of a trained, legendary fighter, and that as people took on/professed the belief in that work of epic poetry fanfiction was legit and could summon Matthias he actually managed to be summoned to the reality bubble they were in and impose specifically that fanfic’s rules on both Matthias and The Sleeper.  Third, this theory is hinged on the actions and mental state of Harrow the First/Ninth, and the actions/culture/beliefs of people surrounding her. First off, I would like to establish that Harrow has been exposed to conditions that would cause her to be likely to develop symptoms that are on the schizo-spectrum of disorders (schizophrenia, schizotypal, etc etc). The first of such conditions is actually the most important from a biology perspective: Harrow’s immediate family has a practice for keeping their secrets. When they wish to discuss the family business they draw a bath of cold saltwater, get in it, and do it from there. It is explicitly described as “freezing” in both Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth by Harrow herself. Repeat hypothermia is a physiological trigger that can cause a person to develop schizospectrum disorders, and I would argue that her parents exposed her to repeat hypothermia, and Harrow would confirm these baths have been going on since she learned to keep secrets (likely around 5-7). Second, we have contributing factors to this mental state, most notably is the Incense that is described in Gideon as being used by The Ninth House in their worship. If, and this is a big if given how little we know specifics, this incense was Frankincense or uses similar molecular structures (possible given the influence of Christianity over the Dademperor’s Cult), we would know that Harrow all her life has been exposed to a mild hallucinogen (and also antidepressant, but that effect of frankincense isn’t relevant), which while unless overexposed significantly (to the point it would cause some lung damage if done repeatedly) she would’t have hallucinations NORMALLY, we have already discussed why Harrow’s brain chemistry wouldn’t be normal and this could have an affect overall on the development of her mental health. We also know from Harrow’ behavior and information about her parents that she herself gives that she has been instilled with a rather potent guilt complex over the 200 dead who were sacrificed to make her (One of her prayers included “and let me be buried in 200 graves” ffs). More miscellaneous stuff to include in contributing factors to Harrow being predisposed towards guilt and hallucinations and fixations as well includes Harrow being around the dead and dying for her entire life, being a Necromancer, both bad ventilation due to the infrastructure of the Ninth House as well as exposure to a nerve agent that canonically throws your brain into destructive overdrive, and discovering The Corpse in The Locked Tomb (this last one being notable as having happened around the beginning of puberty or during giving her a reason that her death fixation might become what is in cannon called Corpse Lust). She’s a kid, basically, in a hormonal shitstorm of growing up: she doesn’t know how to stop her head from doing fuckshit to itself). In addition to her fixation on The Corpse however is the sheer amount of time she spent worrying about it, lusting after it, being comforted by hallucinations of it, and otherwise spending a large amount of her mental effort thinking about The Corpse one way or another. Now, lets braid these threads into a rope. We know that passion and obsession can make a legitimate metaphysical link to a revenant, allowing them to find their way back into Shallower waters or even the world through objects and ideas (such as an epic poem fanfic, and potentially people, but DEFINITELY prayers [poems and phrases repeated that cause certain patterns of thoughts) given the nature of what we’ve seen). We know that Harrow has spent a large amount of her life giving worship, strong emotion and most importantly obsession towards The Corpse/AL. Also, we know from Harrow the Ninth in direct statements by some spirit focused allies that Revenants can use any connection they have to the world to get back into it, even if that’s in a limited capacity. For good measure, we also know that Harrow’s been giving this treatment to a more nebulous idea of All The People Who Died To Allow Her To Be Born/A Necromancer, and we also know that she has more connections spiritually which likely support that 200 people as well. As such, my claim is this: Harrow is both mentally affected in a way similar to what she thinks is her stated insanity in that she does experience hallucinations, moments of paranoia and panic over very little/nothing, and so on (worth noting is that Harrow would be exceptionally well adapted for coping with this. These changes are physical almost purely, as Gideon while inside Harrow’s head and getting a show of her perceptions either can not tell that Harrow didn’t have a corpse under her bed, or didn’t know that a potentially fugue state ridden Harrow moved a corpse there (its very unclear what actually went down in that scene and there’s a lot potentially going down but Gideon experiences life as Harrow does and that is what’s important). On the metaphysical side of things though, Harrow is Haunted by at least 2 ghosts, likely many more. She wouldn’t know because she is bad at Spirit magic, and potentially could be having her ghosts give her an aversion toward learning it, but it is commented on by more than one capable spirit necromancer (Dademperor and Abigail). She has to be haunted by The Sleeper, as the plot literally revolves around that being a thing, but she also shows more signs of a haunting. Harrow loses one of the hallucinations that always has been present with her in times of stress when she leaves her physical body behind during the Resurrection Beast fight, but the same hallucination is also present when Gideon rides her body into The River, potentially being a saving factor for Harrow’s original body, the body that would actually have the connection to The Corpse. In addition, Harrow when she emerges from The River had a connection that she followed back to her home in the form of the tomb, and where her obsession previously slept, a body that could never have been moved by anyone but her, the Dademperor or the revenant herself. In addition, the Corpse gives her advice on things she could have never known about more than once, and generally tries to do things that Harrow would find helpful or supportive (even if that would be creepy to her, like “bringing her tea” during a conversation with someone). As such, we can say without a shadow of a doubt that Harrow is haunted by two people, The Sleeper who is latching onto her thoughts through magics, likely, and The Corpse/AL who is entering our reality primarily through Harrow’s thoughts as she figures out how to be a person again and is exposed to more things that would give her connections (note how she becomes more coherent and proactive after Dademperor reminisces about her, her only other strong connection to the world beyond Harrow and her corpse). We can also infer that after so much time thinking about all the people who died for her in terms of guilt and their lost lives that she might also have the revenants of a few angry children/teens/young adults holding on.  TLDR: Harrow’s got a ghost “girlfriend” (wildly unhealthy for her) that possesses Harrow’s hallucinations of her, is haunted by The Sleeper for the course of at least Harrow(the book) and is potentially haunted by the revenants of every person who died to make her birth/magic possible.

[krypteretnetwork]

Camp NanoWrimo April 2021: Day 25

Word count: 792 (24676 total)

    For the next few days, Sweden chose to leave Alleos alone. He also made sure that the rest of the Nordics, and even Ladonia, left the micronation alone so she could sort herself out and feel better to some capacity.

    During the last few days, Sweden thought quite hard. As he sat down on the couch, he ran a hand through his short hair as he stared at the floor with a rather blank expression on his face. While he was normally stoic, his expression was never so… blank. Normally, it would be difficult to read him, yet if you were to look at him then, you would be able to see that there was nothing going on behind his deep blue eyes.

    Just how could he show the micronation that he appreciated and loved her? More importantly, he acknowledged that he should most certainly be open to hearing both sides of situations between herself and Ladonia. Her sudden breakdown was a huge eye opener, and he was ready to work on it and make things better.

    Then, his eyes lit up. He could easily think of something he could invite her to so they could bond a little bit: it was the project he’d been tasked with. It was a relatively large one, and he knew that he’d need some help.

~~~

    As per usual, she’d been spacing out a little bit on the train ride. The only thing she really knew was that her stop was soon, which had prompted her to stand up, allowing herself closer to the door. She was going to be meeting Sweden and some of his acquaintances at a workshop of sorts. Sweden had been tasked with a relatively large project, and he knew Alleos would be happy to help. Or rather, he desperately hoped so. After all, she agreed to help him out with the project…

    Hearing the announcement that her stop was next, she looked up. When the train stopped, she got out, of course, yet just like that, something changed. What on earth happened, she didn’t know.

~~~

    “Welcome to… my world, I guess you could call it,” said Norway. Again he was preparing some coffee and pastries for the duo.

    Alleos frowned as she sat at the table once more, her hands somewhat folded on one another as she fidgeted with whatever she could get her hands on. “Your… world? I went through a change in dimensions just like that…? I’m… a Norwegian micronation here, if I had to guess…”

    “Right you are,” he said once more with a nod, turning around to the table with the tray in hand. However, he just stared at her, sadness flashing in his eyes for a few brief moments.

    Noticing this look, Alleos quickly averted her gaze. “You… know stuff I don’t. You’re making it so obvious… you are hiding something.” She felt herself growing frustrated again, and this very obviously, and very reasonably, upset her. “Just what on earth are you hiding? How much longer will this go on for?” as she spoke, she found her voice starting to raise. Reasonably so, she was stressed, exhausted, and quite frankly scared of whatever the hell the future had to offer her.

    Finally placing the tray of treats down on the table, Norway slumped down in his chair and gave her a rather somber look. “I believe just one more time… one more time, then you should be where you belong.”

    Upon receiving an answer of sorts, Alleos felt a bit of a weight lift from her shoulders. “Really…? Considering the fact I’ve… technically been a micronation of the rest of the Nordics, then…”

    “Yes… maybe being a micronation of Denmark is in fact the true world…” said Norway as his eyes narrowed a bit. Then, grabbing his cup of coffee he took a rather large sip and looked over to Alleos. “For now, however… you are with me. You can relax a little bit… don’t worry about what you’re like in this world. I’ll have your back in regards to that for a while.”

    “For… a while…” said Alleos, her brows furrowing. “Why? I take it I must be very different here, then…”

    Looking up in thought, Norway tilted his head and very vaguely nodded. “That is… sort of true. Definitely an adventurous party animal- you enjoy dragging out lil bro a lot. Though, you do not go anywhere near as hard as you did as a Swedish micronation… in fact, as far as I know, at least, it’s only drinking with the occasional shroom or happy pill.”

    As Norway spoke, Alleos sighed as she just barely nodded. Well, here she went again, only to inevitably find herself back into the rather brutal cycle once more…

[couplesinstitutecounseling]

When You Love Someone With Complex PTSD

This article gives a brief overview of some basics about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) and what you can do to support yourself as well as nurture your relationship when you love someone with Complex PTSD. You may be wondering if reading this article will be helpful to you.

If your partner experienced significant trauma during childhood and you find yourself in awe of all that they are in spite of what they have been through, yet uncertain at times about how to provide the right kind of support, then this article is for you.

If you recognize the wisdom within your partner that is derived from their experiences, but struggle to access your own wisdom when you see your partner suffering then this article is for you.

Lastly, if you sometimes see your partner as someone who would benefit from healing work but, are not sure of the right place to start then this article is for you.

This article is about how to bring your best self to your relationship by forging one that is defined by security, consistency, and honesty as well as understanding the importance of your own self-care in cultivating these bonds.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can occur when a person experiences multiple or prolonged traumatic experiences (Complex Trauma) over the course of a lifetime. Oftentimes, the traumas are relational in nature which means that the events occur within relationships during developmental periods such as childhood. For example, periods of childabuse or neglect and/or multiple ruptures or transitions with primary caregivers; such as multiple foster placements in which attachment bonds are ruptured or substance abuse or dependence by a primary caregiver.

There are two areas of human development that are impacted by Complex Trauma. When these areas are impacted it can result in CPTSD. They are:

Attachment: the ways in which a person learns to have relationships with others

Self-Regulation: the way in which a person handles self soothing in the face of stress.

Let’s look at both more closely.

In terms of Attachment, a child who experienced multiple adverse experiences such as abuse, domestic violence, neglect or community violence is likely to, as an adult, experience frequent mistrust, fear of abandonment, and difficulty feeling secure in their intimate relationships. The reason for this is that the template that was formed early on about how to have relationships was developed under the pretense that “those who love me either hurt me, or leave.” These recurring experiences often cause the belief that people are not safe to trust; leading to the lived experience of, “I’m hurt when you stay and I’m hurt when you leave:a double edged sword.”

Self-Regulation is a set of skills that are learned by internalizing the soothing actions of our caregivers when we are hurt, scared, hungry, sad etc. The capacity by which we are able to do this for ourselves as adults is largely made possible by the quality and quantity of that which was given to us. The opportunities to learn from and observe adults practicing self regulation in ways that are healthy and nourishing for children with Complex Trauma often are minimal. Instead, the stress response system, the internal regulation system that is in charge of keeping us safe in the face of stressors, becomes overloaded due to a lack of opportunities to return to a calm state. In CPTSD this results in an elevated baseline and a stress response system that is overly sensitive to stressors. Thus the system responds by vacillating between extreme states of hyperarousal to hypoarousal (dissociation) rather than remaining within an ideal, more balanced “window of tolerance.” People who have not experienced trauma typically remain in this window within their normal day to day lives. This might account for why your partner may appear to have seemingly disproportionate reactions to stimuli that doesn’t impact you as severely: their system’s degree of sensitivity and reactivity is such that a smaller event can cause them great distress and dysregulation.

The hopeful news is that the medicine for CPTSD can be found within the healing power of relationships and within our brains’ incredible ability to create new templates for relationships by a process called neuroplasticity, our brain’s ability to make new neural connections throughout our lifetime. The incredible healing power of relationships as they relate to Complex Trauma has been well documented by neuroscientists such as Dr. Bruce Perry1, who specializes in the impacts of childhood trauma and neglect and its impact on neurodevelopment, and Dr. Daniel Siegel2 who has also well documented the process of neurodevelopment. What this means is that you and your partner have the ability to form a secure attachment in adulthood EVEN IF your partner has not yet experienced that in their life3 -VERY EXCITING!!! But where do you begin? It is important to know the following:

You can not erase existing templates but you can create new ones.

Your efforts should be patterned and repetitive, as these templates live in lower, less “plastic” ie. not as easily changed, parts of the brain that are only accessed and changed through doing things over and over again.

You don’t need to figure this out on your own. Finding a couples therapist educated about Complex Trauma is recommended and can help facilitate the healing process.

Here are some other ideas you’ll want to consider:

Be Consistent, be predictable: Repetition is the key to building a secure attachment. It also facilitates the ability to trust. For example, calling your partner every night before bed to say goodnight, this may seem simple, but it can have a profound effect on shaping a new, loving, and secure template of what a relationship can be in your partner’s brain.

Know your boundaries: This is a big one and related back again to being consistent and predictable. What is and what is not in your control? If your partner is struggling with mood symptoms including anxiety or depression and struggling with self regulation, it is not your job to fix that, but you can encourage your partner to establish a relationship with a therapist or make an appointment with an existing one. It can be powerful to validate your partner’s suffering while simultaneously acknowledging that you do not have the power to make it all better. In all relationships it is important for each partner to own their own struggles and work on them independently from the relationship.

Establish and keep up with your own self care plan: When we fall in love it is so easy to give and give and then one day we wake up and we realize, “Oops! I have given to everyone except me!” You have got to fill your own bucket. Keeping up with a routine that nourishes you and keeps you connected to yourself and those in your support system is crucial. You are modeling for your partner that it is okay to practice self care and encouraging the process called differentiation (an ongoing process of self-defining within the context of the relationship that is a key developmental milestone within relationship and is that which sets the stage for further development and deeper intimacy as your relationship progresses).

Don’t try to explain, instead “connect and redirect”: Emotions are not logical, yet it is our tendency to try to explain our way through them. When your partner is in an emotional state of activation, remember, first connect by reflecting back what you hear them say, including their feelings. Listen and mirror without the intention of problem solving. Once your partner has expressed to you that they are feeling heard, ask them if they want support in problem solving (re-direct). Once you check for their interest, you may find that you have already helped enough!

Do find out what is soothing to your partner: People who have experienced complex trauma are often well aware of what they do and do not like. Ask them their preferences, you may find out that your partner can not tolerate massage but loves a warm bath. If so, draw them a bath and draw it often! Remember: repetition, consistency, predictability.

Practice consent in intimacy and beyond: Trauma is defined as an extreme loss of control to a perceived threat or life threatening situation. Healing for trauma survivors always includes establishing a sense of safety. A way to safety is though experienced control– practicing consent is a powerful vessel for this. This means asking permission before and during intimate encounters as well as throughout your day-to-day interactions, for example, “Is it okay if I move your things while I clean this room?”

Anticipate events that could cause anxiety for your partner: Work together to create a safety plan. For example, if your partner feels anxious in social settings like big events such as a wedding, decide ahead of time where to sit during the ceremony and have a signal that you can give to one another if your partner needs a break. This can be a good opportunity to step outside and get a breather, check in about how you are both doing, and make adjustments to your plan as necessary.

Don’t take it personally: Your partner has been through a lot. It is likely that if your partner has a reaction to something that you do or say that it has less to do with you than you think and more to do with what that thing reminds them of. When this happens take a deep breath and do your own physiological self soothing, then when you feel regulated check back in, try to think of these moments as opportunities to learn more about what your partner’s triggers are so that you can work with them in a thoughtful and meaningful way.

Remember, it all goes back to the incredible healing power of relationships and the bonds that are formed when we are present and available for one another. Even as therapists we can get stuck in the trap of thinking that we should be able to fix it all right then and there and we jump too quickly to problem solving. Yet it is always meaningful to take a step back and remember that the key to building a secure relationship is not in your ability to offer a quick fix. Rather, it lies within your ability to take your time, be consistent, and show your commitment to being there again and again. If past trauma is impacting you or your relationships and you need help, reach out to us, establishing a relationship with a therapist can be the first step in creating a path to healing that can seem overwhelming and uncertain, more clear, manageable, and supportive.