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ratatatastic · 25 days ago

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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall

idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...

to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"

but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics

"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"

and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."

But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-

And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"

and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really

Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)

And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.

and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)

And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*

but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)

and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far

"You should really use your words."

"I am!"

"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."

"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"

"Sasha isn't most Alphas."

"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"

"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."

"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.

"It would work better if you use—"

"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.

like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know

#ask #i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school #my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me #to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too #and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio #and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant #i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that #this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man #anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse #making our whorehouse a whorehome #ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall #actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with #the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another #i feel for maffhew i really do #theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people #matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek #on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores #him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this #*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it #but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him #all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time #and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little #and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways

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theloveinc · 5 days ago

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i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore

#obvs im gonna keep this blog like i'm not. gonna go away. i can't lol!#i need to have a space to post when i do have stuff to post ... with gachiakuta otw ofc !!!#but i think it's time .... i admit to myself i cant do this the way i did anymore #not even back in like. 2021 but even just. last year. im not someone who can sustain interaction no matter how much i want to #there's just too much on my mind and im too anxious and way too insecure and with the election i have students to take care of #my family to prioritize and i have to move house and get my credentials and my degree so i can get a job.#it's just too much really to be worrying about what i can do here .. ive been in denial for so lng #not that that changes anything for anyone here or anyone reading this. i'm not disappearing and im still gonna be reading.#but i need to officially relieve myself of duty... iN MY MIND. if that makes any sense.#im sure i'll write again one day. my writing has come so far and ive finally noticed. and im so grateful to have tried so hard #i never let myself down once. thats for certain. i did what i could when i could #but i can't anymore and that has to be okay bc its whats happening.#anyway nothing's changing dw there's just been a shift in my psyche thats all #and i might post less and reblob more .. but that's all!#still love u ofc <3 #caitie blabs

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im-still-watching-anime · 3 months ago

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one piece is crazy fr like what do you mean you’re following up Everyone’s Dead™️ with Objectifying Women: The Arc™️

#bruh :/#im bout to vent cause im mad about it rn sorry #op fans there are many good elements to your series outside of this and i love u sorry im about to talk shit about it #pls abandon ship now and stop reading my tags to avoid if you want #anyway #once i put a certain amount of time into something i usually commit to finishing it #but this arc is like 👌 this close to making me abandon the whole series like wtf is this #i know i KNOW sexist shit is like practically unavoidable in anime but this is a LOT jesus christ #i want to punch a WALL #like wtf do you think women ARE #i want to attack and kill #everyone who has ever told me that naruto is worse than one piece about women owes me 500 dollars rn #like it’s BAD and i would have been mad about this either way #but i think im extra salty because ive had SO many people praise one piece women at me #and i was like doubtful cause ya know LOOK at them #but i LISTENED because everyone was so insistent the women are good and it’s not bad with that kinda thing #which was a BETRAYAL because seriously wtf is this😤#ughhhhh i CANT watch this HOW am i supposed to watch this #why do i have to watch the creepy island of women cluelessly mess with unconscious mans dick trope i canttttttttt #the answer is i DONT have to watch it and i want to STOP #how are yall watching this i still havent even forgiven thriller barks invisible man nami bath scene #like yall i canttttttttt #my ‘fiction that treats women like shit’ tolerance is too low for this #ughhh really at a loss here because so much time already committed and i was enjoying it aside from this #but i really CANNOT keep watching if the bar gets any lower and idk if it even CAN get lower #sorry sorry okay vent over this just #REALLY pissed me off #cause it kinda blindsided me i think

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penisbilt · 6 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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toytulini · 8 months ago

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god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)

But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure

#toy txt post #reblogs OFF i dont trust yall to be normal with this one i do NOT want it getting notes #i posted part of this before in a chat to a friend but im feeling it again. so #i havent drawn my big tiddy lobster bitch in awhile i should draw her again #also yea SORRY im sure this is The Wrong Feeling To Have About AI but also sometimes im a little grateful that i dont think my style is #smth a lot of the ppl coding ai to make art find to be worth trying to replicate except maybe as like a fake progress shot on a piece #which is smth i used to be really insecure about. how unfinished all my art looks bc it isnt to the point i cant fucking watch #like speedpaints and shit bc i just start feeling stupidly insecure about all the points in the video where I Would Have Stopped and been #like. im not touching it anymore i dont want to ruin it #and ive been insecure about my inability to really do digital art with like a stylus and shit like the way i do it with a pencil #and i know that is just me needing to Practice it but being too frustrated by it #anyway i know its just a Tool and its Fine and the problem is the art theft and the labor problems of it but liiiiiiike #i just.#im sure there will be unique things and usages of ai as a tool and i genuinely hope that ppl can figure out a way to make one that isnr #isnt* just full of stolen content bc theres unique fuckin shit about like digital art programs u can write stupid poetry that you hate #about it. or stupid poetry that i hate. cos im the poetry hater. listen. i cant stress this enough: its fine. youre fine. keep posting your #poetry and reblogging shit that speaks to you. im just a Bitch okay Ignore Me #i should go draw bokrae like. eating a computer about this #the real reason for that graphics card shortage was bokrae ate them all when she was in the mood for a crunchy snack

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f1owermoon · 2 months ago

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sorry i just. need to rant for a second

#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting #he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries #and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things #these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit #and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance #like its been going on for a while now #idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn #one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality #like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis #but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude #super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things #like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO #also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it #and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that #but also something that can drive you forward #but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset #like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing #has anything to do with it lmfao #and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you #and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay #he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace #anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks

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skaluli · 1 year ago

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"this wulf fellow has choice language"

#artluli #tf2 #i dont really like how this turned out its really bad #added shading to try and make it better but it looks worse but i guess ill post it anyway i suppose #if youre wondering why im sweating its because im terrified of playing online multiplayer games #that might sound weirdly specific but dude it gives me so so so much anxiety #ive been wanting to play more but i cant bring myself to do it because im too scared #“scared of what skaluli” the people and how well i perform #i would rather play a horror game because that shit doesnt scare me as much as fearing judgement of the people i play with because im shit #i know i shouldnt care what other people think and should just try and have fun but god this shit is scary #before anyone says anything i turned off voice chat straight away when i downloaded it thank god thats an option #but even without hearing their voices i feel like i can still hear their thoughts and judgement and anger #it took hours of trying to convince myself and then someone else telling me ill be okay just to play the game for a little bit #and when i got to leave i felt like i was having a fucking anxiety attack #anyway i really like this game but im way too scared to play it! which is fucking stupid that thats even a reason

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kit-katsuki · 3 months ago

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ohhhb venting...

#its getting bad again!#and i don't know how to talk about any of it #my brains main thoughts throughout the day are 'im going to fucking throw up' and 'i should kill myself'#the anxiety has been giving me legitimate chest pains lately (i think its the anxiety)#and i cant lie down to sleep without my brain going all ballistic and self deprecating #i relapsed sh again and i fucking hate it because i was almost a year clean #it got so bad my brother dmed me asking if im okay #i have to be positiveee this is a manic depressive episodeee i wont do anything permanent #i feel like im gonna throw up. and kill myself. i wont. but oh my fucking god i thought i was over this #i dont know what to tell my brother like do i admit im fucking losing my mind or do i try and keep it palatable.#like 'yeah ive been uhh convincing myself not to walk into the street on the way home wbu'#what even is there to say #i feel like im too much for what im worth #people care about me and it only makes their lives harder #people have problems and theyre all my fault #i wish i could just not exist. even if for a short period pf time #i feel like im bringing more stress and anger into this world than the good things that come of me #i feel like everyone that gives me a chance is going to end up hating me #i feel like everyone that loves me will only see who i really am and end up resenting me #i feel like i cant breathe without ruining something good for someone #im sorry #i dont think ill ever feel like im truly doing okay

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hecksupremechips · 7 months ago

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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them

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ei-mugi · 10 months ago

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im not a even a fan of the "hellaverse" but i have seen helluva boss and with all the twitter uproar over the hazbin ep4 leaks i went and found a reaction video of the full ep on yt so i could see how bad it really was and. jesus christ. theres certainly analysis of the visuals that could be had regarding the original criticisms but for me the episode was more like... 1. angel dust is the exact same character as fizzarolli 2. hellaverse is never going to break away from writing its characters like a whump fic is it and 3. this is an absolutely horrible portrayal of sex workers. vivienne pleaseeeee get your head out of the yaoi bin and remind yourself of like. women and misogyny. and stop writing all your sex worker/sexually abused (notice how that is grouped together) characters in the same way. sex workers arent all victims who need to be saved from their jobs

#sorry i just already had a ton of thoughts on how poorly i thought fizzarolli was written #half for the writers riding too much on whump standards and thus ignoring the glaring fundamental issues in his life #and then blaming all of his problems on being cutely insecure #but also in the like. misogyny. i get it we fandomers like yaoi but please. HOW could you look at those 2 women villains #in s2e7 and decide that was okay. that was egregious #ive just been thinking about this shit way too much and i kind of want to dump a proper analysis of it but also. sigh.#do i REALLY want to be blogging about hazbin and helluva #then again i also feel the need to say stuff because im willing to bet that anyone on YT whos making hellaverse analysis #isnt familiar with whump and like. as someone who enjoys whump i think it should be required reading for understanding how narratives like #fizzarollis are constructed #because there are very obvious tropes and character archetypes being taken directly from whump-style stuff and it is NOT good in this mediu #as much as i enjoy a bit of catharsis you cant just carry over the same stuff from it and expect your audience to suspend their disbelief i #the same way. because once you start thinking about the actual politics and personal implications of it...#well. you end up with a poorly written show with poorly written characters that inadvertently end up being misogynistic #sigh. if someone wants me to i can share my thoughts on this #i dont entirely hate the hellaverse im more ambivalent on it i guess. i did like some parts of it but as a whole its not my thing #i am someone who enjoys thinking about this stuff and doing some casual textual analysis though #so i cant help thinking about this stuff when watching or reading anything

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caninecowboy · 2 years ago

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24 days!

#em #milo.txt #im thinking about em again. i mean when am i not they're always on my mind #god they make me so fucking happy #ive been having such a shitty past few weeks but talking to them has helped #it feels. incredibly magical to have a love as strong as ours #they called me a good boyfriend today and they just. get me yknow?#in ways no one has ever. in ways i didnt even expect! in ways that feel full of love #i love how we've become entangled in one another. it really feels like there's no true me without them and vice versa yknow?#like yeah yeah yeah im my own person. kickass grad student whos queer as fuck and hot and theyre their own person.#fucking amazing scientist beautifully radiant individual whos so kind and gentle and fuckn CUTE ((they sent me a selfie this morning #and i was like HEY GIVE A GUY A WARNING OKAY!!! I NEED MY BRAIN FOR SCHOOL! CANT BE TAKING MY BREATH AWAY LIKE THAT #AND RENDERING ME SPEECHLESS!! theyre sooooo cute. i see them and im like ohmygod youre so fucking... youre so pretty youre so cute youre so #hot youre literally every word that is escaping my mind right now and i have never seen something as breathtaking as them))#ANYWAY!!! it still feels like half of me is missing when they're not with me yknow? and its true #half of me IS missing... they are !! they're my other half they're my beloved they're my lavender they're my fucking bestie #it really sucks being this far from them and not having them in my life in person but soon! soon.#theyll be in the same city as me again and we'll go for drives and we'll go grocery shopping together #and get weird looks because we just. get so GOOFY together #godddd i love when we would try to forage for fucking food in [redacted] at like 10 pm but eVERYTHING CLOSES SO EARLY #like that time we went to taco bell and they only took cash so we had to pivot #god i just miss that shit!!!! i miss that with them !!! i miss laughing and being happy and having no worries and feeling. GOOD #i love that i can just look at them and they KNOW what i'm thinking like i dont even have to SAY anything and they KNOW #and how genuine they know me? god. they send me reeses and hi-chews in care packages and its the ONLY time i have them bc i dont usually #buy shit for myself like that PLUS it feels like an extra special treat when i get them from them.#also the way they have helped me love myself? like fuck.#if they're capable of loving me so deeply and truly. maybe i can too yknow?#ill do things that i wouldnt have done before knowing them (like admitting i DO know things and celebrating my 48% on an exam and eating #ice cream because its going to make me happy even though theres still remnants telling me to not)#like.... they really have changed my life for the better

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chiisana-lion · 2 years ago

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orz <- just realized with their detachment from local online communities they must suffer the consequences of not having an audience to be able to take comms for

#i think the way ive been doing it is okay too but. i cant really do much else w the money i get in paypal other than to comm my own friends #itd be nice to actually be able to save up irl too but i dont think paypal does conversions into rupiah and im not sure if #transferring usd into a bank account would convert it into idr or smth #theres a lot i wanna save up for including but not limited to cosplays or college and stuff #but everything is so. or2 #i dont think theres many people from here on tumblr either which is the only place im particularly active in. and even if there were i doub #that they would be following me specifically anyways #ahhh maybe i should get a part time job #duck rants about something

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phagodyke · 14 days ago

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