#i think the person said to kms
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I actually made and sent this to someone who was venting about school 😭😭😭
#amrev#revolutionary war#alexander hamilton#hamilton musical#hercules mulligan#i’m really sorry#😰#what is wrong with me#i think the person said to kms
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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having a guilt complex is all fun and games until I'm wracked with guilt over something that probably isn't even that bad that i said to someone who has said way worse to me without remorse
#idk!#i still apologized like 6 times but i also said 'i wish you felt kind of bad about some of the things you say about me sometimes though'#and i feel guilty for that :///#but my friend told me she thinks im in the right#literally any time i feel guilty like this im like ok so if i just kms right now i will win. the mind of a very healthy person
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Gonna finally watch season 4 and 5 this week and see how things end. I swear to god if I spend my two days off crying bc of what happens I will eat my window. I’m so nervous for Ed and Oswald’s relationship bc I’m so emotionally invested in them it’s not even funny.
I’ve read some posts that season 4 is like everyone’s divorce arc and idk if I’m emotionally prepared for that. I watched JJBA (Jojo’s bizarre Adventure) in highschool and sobbed so much for a week straight after Stardust Crusaders that I got sent to the counselor’s office for concerning behavior.
Someone tell it’s gonna be ok please 😭😭😭😭
#I’m not kidding btw when I said I got sent to the counselors office for crying so much#my teachers got concerned bc I would randomly start crying in the middle of class bc I was thinking abt SDC and how my fave died#they legit sent me back to class multiple times with resources on how to deal with depression and asked me if I was suicidal#LIKE I WAS GONNA SAY YEA I WANNA KMS 💀💀💀#but anyway that’s not the point. I’m just saying I’m a very emotional person and get deeply attached to things I love#it will destroy me if anything bad were to happen#born to be a lover fr#gotham#gotham penguin#oswald cobblepot#moo.txt#edward nygma#gotham riddler#nygmobblepot
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my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something
#im hoping you guys read the outsiders in school#ive actually read the outsiders twice in school ?#urgg my outsiders phase in like 7th grade comin back around#two very conflicting fandoms might i add#but also im not very invested in the fandom#i just think dallas is cool#shameless dally apologist#i KNOW he was a shitty person throughout the book and whatnot#and he was probably a horrible influence#but he hit. kinda close to home#that mutually obsessive relationship w/ johnny ohmmygod#its just :(#ME TOO!!#trying to kys over your fp is extremely real and unfortunately i completely get it#and his IMPULSIVENESS#AND HIS PUSHING AWAY OF EVERY EMOTION AND BASICALLY BEING A TICKING TIME BOMB AUGH#i will SHAMELESSLY say that dally is my favorite#i like johnny and pony and two bit and soda and whatnot#but dally just hits WAY too hard#imcrying over his entire dynamic with johnny actually#because i GET IT#i udnerstand it way too hard:(#mutual obsession and then fucking destroying each other in the process is VERY REAL#AND I HATE IT#BECAUSE I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT!!!#ive said id kms if my fp died way too many times and i 100% meant it#COUGH because girly tried COUGH#okay im just lore dumping in yhe tags#moral og the story is doli is insane and relates way too hard to dally to be normal#dolirants
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why he so mysterious…
demur
#weezer#rivers cuomo#i had a bad day! well actually i looked freaking amazing and got sm compliments today sooo!! i am pretty as freaksauce.#it was fairly good but i failed my physics test :(( …. it’s so sad… 34 percent before the curve.#34?!??? HOW???? I THOUGHT J ATE TS UP???#so yeah; insane …. but it’s okay because i’m good at other stuff and have other things i am good at!#oh yeah so guys guys guys.#there’s this girl who i do not like and i have not liked her since freshman year; right? and she’s fairly popular; your average overachieve#ing person; BUT i always didn’t like her. she left a bad taste in my mouth and i didn’t know if i was just jealous or WHAT#BUT I HAVE REASON TO HATE JER! MY GUT WAS RIGHT!#good job lyss#she’s a homewrecker and basically likes to get w people who have partners…. AND SHE WSS BEING FLIRTY W MY BF LIKE HELLO ???#who she think she is?#my bf doesn’t talk to her anymore since i said i don’t rlly like her and how she is thankfully#but my friend was talking to me in Seminar and was like ‘oh ya if i had a bf i’d kms than let him be around her.’ is that mean ? or is it#okay since she has done that multiple times then gets defensive and hates to be called out for kt#her gf right now had cheated on her boyfriend for the girl i don’t like; and this has happened TWICE!#HELLO???#like wtf…. and she sends the screenshots of it when she stops talking w the person who cheated on their partner for her and starts to play#the victim… like the weezer song. you can’t pay for dinner w the victim card ya.#well billy talent; but you know what i mean. so she’s playing the victim and she was saying “omg…. this feels so wrong…. but-but i love you.#stfu yn 😭#like holy moly. holy guac. “i don’t know how to quit you…’ turn off your phone ! (^^) close the app !#easy as that girl dw i got you#but for real. NOBODY LIKES JER BC SHES SO TOXIC. OMG IM SO JAPPY IM NOT ALONE ONNMY HATE TRAIN#anyways yeah. i can go more in detail for you all if anybody cares about my silly high school drama
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um
#obscurus.txt#calling out for help. but i dont know how to ask for help.#i dont wanna be here anymore but also thats scary to think about and i do actually. im torn.#i dont want to dissappear having said nothing if i Do dissapear#the worldll keep moving without me ik so it doesnt truly matter. but i guess im saying this as a heads up or goodbye? idk#i have responsibilities but i dont……. im not the right person. i never was.#and you may ask why not call a hotline why not speak to a friend#1: hotlines dont do shit for me in fact they speed up the process#2: i dont wanna outrigjt tell anyone hey i might kms bc other people have dtuff going on and i dont wanna bother them and also ibdont.#really matter. im just a fuckup from california.#my dog is dying. my siblings are thriving like i never could. i have no irl freiends#my family would be better off without a queer blind motherfucker anyways so#if anyone got this far im turning iff notifs to everythingvfor the day#gonna try Not to kms bc i have work but yknow. its there.
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didnt you make a lot of posts on tumblr and twitter telling other people to kill themselves and self harm? seems like youve gotten your karma
I'd say before I had gotten counseling and medication, I used to be a nasty person like that. Nowadays that's not really my thing.
But I did often say it to pedophiles so...and I think I had the right since I've been sexually abused by a couple during my young years in this fandom 🤷
Come off anon bro why are you scared
#i dont have any obligation to explain why ive been wanting to kms but if you guys want to force it out of me then oka#by the way dont you see the irony in telling me i deserve to want to kms because i said that to others in the past#youre not the good person you really think you are and thats something i hope you get help w in the future like i have
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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congrats on moving to a new and better place with the love of your life 🙄blocked. and kill yourself while you're at it
#meanwhile i'm looking for apartments bc i can't live with my parents any longer but everything is too expensive and i'm gonna kms#ele.txt#also this is the person i was in love withhhhhhhh lmao and maybe i'm not over him yet lollll whatttt who said that#i just feel physically sick every time i think abt him being in a happy relationship :))))))
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visiting my mother. idk what i expected lol
#everyone is fucking dying from cancer now#(except for the one who should be lol my grandma's cancer is benign turns out.#worst person ever award goes to me as always but if someone should die it should be her. there. i said it.#they never should have tried to save her from that stroke)#anyway it's unfair af and my mom doesn't deserve this but again. im the worst person ever but i cant fucking deal with this#i cannot be someone's emotional support. least of all hers. when im in this mental state myself.#obv i should never ever have children. but if i do. id rather fucking kms than cry in front of them. never ever ever ever.#call me a heartless bitch ig but at this point i think ive really stopped caring#i wish this wasnt happening to us i wish i were never born or at the very least i wish i had any siblings#with whom i could share the responsibility. but i dont. im fucking alone man. completely and utterly alone in this.#its all on me and im not up to the task and i hate that its asked of me in the first place.#spoiled ungrateful little brat alert but i just cant. cant bring myself to do this cant bring myself to truly care i genuinely feel nothing#i cant bring myself to stop being selfish in this. who tf knows maybe i do have npd it would explain a lot lol
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tag limit hit ho gayi yaar
#haan toh main kya bol rahi thi.#haan unhone sab itna jaldi kiya cheek pe kiss bhi kiya i was like arey please no aap rakho itne saare paise i can't 😭#cause she already bought me that hoodie for like 700 rs#she was like i can't be here for your birthday na#bhai meko toh rona hi aa gaya itna saara pyaar i swear mere parents ko iska 1% bhi nahi hai mujhse😭😭#and money has been tight bachpan se cause shit happened in like 2013 or something and since then we've all been single#mindedly striving for highest paying jobs best education and now that she's finally there (touchwood)#i think it means a lot to her being able to spend money freeely for her loved ones#and with her idk i do believe that she loves me yes because she said ek baari when she was crying because kuch kuch hua tha#but also attending meeting office ki online rote hue sob karte hue kyunki parents time dekhkar thodi na ladte hai#and i didn't know how to help her and i knew they were. fighting subah se and she hadn't eaten anything so i made her cornflakes ka doodh#(her fav) and gave it to her table pe but it just made her sob much much harder and she couldn't drink it😭#but later on she said ki im so thankful i have you mujhe dikh raha tha ki you wanted to help but you didn't know kaise karu still you tried#and just you being there was enough in that moment#like i don't know why im thinking all this today maybe because bua is here home and she was home that time too it happened in front of her#all this she's the only person who knows what kinda shit dad does#and just. past few weeks i really genuinely wanted to kms like i would sit in morning class and i would look down at my hands and see the#veins and think one cut and it would all be over you're so tired i know you can rest now#it got so bad that i started wearing full sleeve clothes only so i couldn't look at them#but now. i won't say it's completely gone that feeling but like#i want to live because so many plans i have to with my sister how can i leave her alone#like not just for her but for me for us i want us to be happy together like we planned#like yk us as a unit doing things we've always dreamed of visiting places and bachelorette parties and clubbing and living with her and her#bf/husband when i need somewhere to run to and going on a no budget shopping spree and storing ice cream tubs in our house#like they used to do in american movies and her having kids me getting over my disgust for them helping her raise them clean them being#the masi and#I DON'T KNOW OKAY OMG😭#i felt so loved finally after a long time SACH MEIN real way mein#oh pata hai she also offered to pay mere tui ki fees bc i was complaining to mom ki papa kaise taunt maarte hai😭#like it's 20 fucking thousand waise toh kam hi hai but as a salaried person it's still a lot 😭
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making friends is so exhausting
#every person ive met has had ulterior motives#or was just a really nasty person#the decent ppl ive kept in my life barely hmu#i dont even think i can count them as friends at this point lol#gave up making plans with them since they never wanna do shit with me#i dont wanna sound like a whiney baby but its really exhausting trying to make friends#when more than half the ppl i knew have betrayed me in really horrible ways#my so called best friend in 2019 confessed he had feelings for me#and when i told him i wasnt interested#he seemed to accept that#i found out later that he shit talked me to my other friends behind my back#and told them something personal that i didnt want any1 else knowing#he also said he wouldnt care if id kms so yeah#im just so sad because i want to make genuine connections with ppl!!!#i care and give so much love to those i trust#but i find out later theyre just using me bc im nice ):#i dont want to change and become cold hearted#i have lots of love and i always will#i guess its just gonna take time to find the right ppl
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i spoke chinese to the boba guy IDK WHAT WAS I THINKING WHATS HAPPENED TO MY SOCIAL ANXIETY
#i dont think i'll ever go to that shop from now on. im embarrassed#fyi im not chinese im just learning it and the guy said he came from taiwan so i was like lets fucking go ig#i said hello hope u have a good day and he said something back and i didnt understand. i wanna kms#tw rant#personal
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i actually cannot deal w some of the people that i only follow for image descriptions
#this mf was like 'poll runners should really grow a pair before they run these things'#because op said 'stop being weird about hating on albums'#and then i looked through the notes and the person that said they should grow a pair. MADE A SUICIDE JOKE FOR IF THEIR SPECIAL ALBUM LOST#people have to understand that 'if my thing loses im kms' IS NOT A NORMAL THING TO SAY 😭😭😭#yr overstepping boundaries + more people are triggered by these shitty comments than you think
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my mental health hasnt been this bad in years
#fucks sake#negative#like i finally fucking talked to my friends about all my dnd problems but i feel like none of them were recieved at all#i talked at them and they nodded and said nothing in response for like 2 hours#and i expected them to be better but they forgot everything said in the talk except for the one person who needed it lwast#least*#you'd think this wouldve fixed my issues but it didnt#and now i feel like my relationship is falling apart with my roommate every time i try and vent about my lack of creativity#or will to be creative i suppose#and at the end of the day it fucking makes me want to kms for the first time since i fucking moved out#its just easier to let go of my damn campaign at this point maybe ill fucking feel sane again
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