#i think the last time i wrote this much was july-
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nat1nonsense · 4 months ago
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I wrote this long before Ashton and Fearne became A Thing, pinky promise!!
This old fic of mine has been getting a lot more attention lately, which is odd considering I posted it a year and a half ago, but I’m not gonna complain!! I’m still very proud of this one honestly, it’s by no means perfect and there are plenty of things I would change if I had written this more recently, but even still, for a 6.6k word, almost entirely fluff, fanfic? It does it’s job well, and I’m proud of it
Anyway. I’m reposting it again because it’s been getting a lot more attention. If it continues to get more and more attention, maybe I’ll start writing and posting again <3
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lexicog · 8 months ago
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traitor to the cause forgets national holiday every year KILL HIM
#just realized i wrote may instead of marsh lmao. fuck it#trans day of visibility#trans day of eating food#tdov#tdov 2024#transgender day of visibility#trans#transgender#lgbt#gay#my art#another year eh#still in pretransition purgatory (get me tf out!!!)#idk man past year's been bad. last time i showered was july i'm goin 9 months strong 9 months weak 9 months decrepit#i manage to go through the motions with not much else in the way of progress. eat sleap shit piss rinse reuse recycle#trans day of eating food is shaky too this year. just found out yesterday i can't eat a snack anymore that i've liked since i was a kid#discovered a new love for green beans though. everything in balance#with my living situation getting more unsafe i've been thinking a lot about asking my neighbor if i can stay with him and his family#cause i don't like... see people other than them anymore so i don't know anyone else i can ask lol#and maybe i can get my shit together and start transitioning if i get out..... it's the least i need to do anyways#at least i gotta ask if he would be willing to oversee my funeral in the event of it cause i do nnnnot trust my next of kin with that shit#go watch youtube “Protecting Trans Bodies in Death” by Caitlin Doughty. contains important info for anyone really but#especially so for the titular transengendered individual#write your will... OK?#it doesn't have to be a bummer do it with a friend make it a girls night boys night hotties sleepover#death mention cw#wish i had more to say on the topic this year that wasn't a downer. i'll see what the next year holds#and hey... if a guy like me isn't giving up a motherfucker like you sure as hell shouldn't... adios & bon voyage my compatriots. SALUTE
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dadbots · 1 year ago
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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hua-fei-hua · 2 years ago
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alright whenever you have time (and also the energy) I would love to hear your thoughts on the lantern rite epilogue! Have a good day <3
we're going to pretend that people following me will care abt genshin 3.4 lantern rite spoilers so we're gonna put my entire deranged mess under a cut hahaha
*gently holds* MY XVS......
truly this lantern rite had EVERYTHING although truth be told, like, the way venti was kind of shoehorned in was a little disappointing. i felt a little bit baited by the way the 3.4 TRAILER HAD THAT ONE CUT RIGHT where it goes from VENTI PLAYING THE LYRE in the harbor to XIAO LOOKING UP AT THE FIREWORKS outside of wangshu inn, and then we see the xiao bit in the actual cutscene on day 2, but absolutely none of venti until the epilogue. and also we never see venti playing the lyre during the event story so it's like. whoever edited that pv absolutely had xv on the brain. like. what the hell was that it was magical i feel higher than a boat right now
BUT ANYWAY like i don't even care how obviously shoehorned in venti felt bc the interactions were all SO PERFECT i love love loved them. i loved the way hu tao just RAN INTO WANGSHU INN and started shouting for xiao, and then talked death to him until he was like "yeah sure i'll go to your dinner". they are so besties i love them their friendship is everything to me.
THE WAY. XV INTERACTED. IN FRONT OF US. xiao just like "well. um. there's this. um. um." TOTAL PANIC MODE n venti had to SAVE HIM with like "huuuh? did you forget already? i'm a bard!" like HELLO why do they need a COVER STORY why are they making up COVER STORIES TOGETHER WHAT WERE THEY DOING TOGETHER IN THE MARSH EARLIER like what kind of GAY SHIT--
also i'm pretty sure when xiao started explaining his relationship to venti, venti fluttered his lashes at him. like, i recorded the whole quest (bc i didn't last year with the final part n i REALLY WISH I HAD bc i STILL remember the dRAMATIC GASP i had when we had that one beiguang moment in the cutscene), and when i rewatched it earlier i was like. "HANG ON. DID HE JUST FLUTTER HIS LASHES" n rewatched it like three times. maybe my game was just stuttering BUT IT DEFINITELY LOOKED LIKE IT and maybe i'll gif it when i get home from work tonight
BUT ANYWAY (2) point is that the expression work this time was ON POINT like whoever's doing all that over at mhy hq needs to get a raise pronto. venti going (¬‿¬) at all the other immortals was so immaculate. you aren't subtle little man!!!
it's probably just shipper goggles on to an extent, but i feel like the xv implications were really strong this time around, with the parallels to that fontch guy's ancestor, and the guiping n everything... i'm kind of disappointed that we don't get to actually hear any of venti's unobstructed thoughts on xiao; like the ribbing n implications at the dinner are a lot of fun (like, they were totally making out in the marsh before dinner. we all know this. it's very clear imo), but it kind of makes me wonder why we can hear xiao like... do his Very Heavy Implying abt venti's importance to him (though again, he doesn't outright say anything-- we know the full extent n depth of xiao's feelings abt venti (romantic or not) bc we can read his character stories, so technically really he hasn't told us jack squat in the current canon timeline), but the best we get from venti are smug expressions. those expressions are very telling, ofc, but a very unhinged part of me wishes that mhy didn't feel the need to wrap up the xv in layers of allegory and metaphor and just outright heard one of them say, "this person is very dear to me." i know it's just the rabid shipper in me, and i need to be sedated, but i was really kind of hoping that we'd see the allegory w/the fontch guy's ancestor n madame ping lifted away at the end n, like, see or hear it be bound to xv outright. just for purely self-indulgent purposes o(--(
but anyway (3) i also love love loved all the playful ribbing, witty banter, and prev event callbacks btwn the characters!! hu tao n venti canonically making a pact to be poetry friends was SO GOOD you just KNOW hu tao is gonna commission venti to compose a JINGLE for wangsheng advertising purposes later, while zhongli n xiao are like, "this meeting never should have happened. we are all doomed." somehow i legitimately forgot that xq n venti know each other from irodori n was like, "...huh?" when xq mentioning knowing venti for like, a FULL two seconds. the way venti was like "damn you know i was right outside this entire time. can you believe the way some people ignore the wind?" n zhongli was like "hahaha (✿◡‿◡) the harbor is very busy this time of year (✿◠‿◠) it is very hard see or hear an individual person's whereabouts (^人^)"
AND ALSO. PAIMON BEING ELECTED AS THE "MOST DISTINGUISHED GUEST." PAIMON YOU GOT IN THE WAY OF MY DERANGED SELF-DELUSIONMENT MANY TIMES THIS LANTERN RITE BUT THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY. i thought it was interesting how no one nominated venti. like i was kind of expecting xiao to do it (but ofc he nominates traveler) which is fair honestly, n then i was like "IS LUMINE GONNA NOMINATE VENTI????" but then she nominated paimon n paimon was like "wait... me?????" n it was just EXACTLY like a bunch of adults telling the little kid they are the most specialest ever n they should have the honor of doing The Thing. as that little kid growing up, i know the feeling very well lol
there are other bits i'm just,,, rotating around in my mind, like venti and kazuha hanging out on the alcor, the way xiao goes "i can't taste the difference in xiangling's special almond tofu" when you go visit him afterwards, ALL THE GANQING THAT HAPPENED IN THE MAIN STORY I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM I'M SO HAPPY FOR ME I WON VERY HARD THIS LANTERN RITE, n like,,, yeah!!!!
#asks#anonymous#(at my non genshin followers/mutuals) I'M SORRY FOR BEING DERANGED. EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN DERANGED FOR OVER A YEAR N A HALF#it's funny bc i never apologized for abruptly changing fandoms before gnshn. the shame of gacha gaming never dies lmao#ANYWAY i'm pretty sure venti just ate off of xiao's plate the entire dinner. 'let me get you another set of cutlery' says hu tao#'okay sure!' venti replies; already stealing xiao's chopsticks n eating all his food bc it's not like xiao's eating all that much#plus. i was thinking of that spices in the west event. n how to my surprise venti liked the almond tofu n grilled tiger fish...#been getting a lot of kudos on my xv fics these last few days hahaha; i mentioned to star yesterday that the saucy xv thing i wrote#waaaay back in late july is like 290 hits away from entering my top five ao3 fics by hits#and if that happened it would do what j/jk had never been able to do (which is break the b//nha chokehold over my hits stats)#(j/jk broke my records on bookmarks tho n i'm very proud of that i love you diner fic)#n star said we should throw a party if the saucy xv fic made it to top five n i was like.#a 'thank you to all the thirsty people for dethroning the shadow of b/nha that lives over me at all times' party????#n she was like 'yes. i think that is a wonderfully apt title' LOL#in the shower yesterday i was thinking abt the xvx week happening on twt n i Do have smth saved for the free day#this oneshot i started last july n then didn't finish until like two or three weeks ago but in the shower i was like#'muse... muse... you know it would be kind of fun if...' n i started thinking abt that livejournal au i came up w/as a joke months ago#so maybe i'll write smth real fast for that hahaha
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nexus-nebulae · 1 month ago
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wow i WILDLY miscalculated the difference between kilograms and pounds
#ok so like. going to try to bury these thoughts behind several longer tags just in case someone doesn't want to see numbered weight talk#I'm just fascinated at the difference in numbers from a year ago like it's so fucking wild and strange to us#seeing as we've always been super super underweight we've NEVER experienced this before so we wanna ramble abt it#like our weight just did not change for like 10 years there it was. uncomfortable#but like. ok this time last year we were in and out of the ER barely able to eat a single meal in a day eating mostly foods that make us ill#and we weighed about 90 lbs. so about 40 kilos#which fucking SUCKED it was like everything was going wrong with our body at once it was NOT sustainable#in January of this year we finally started medications that work for us and started getting healthier#started slowly slowly eating more like. at first we couldn't even finish a full meal now we're having multiple meals a day usually#i remember us feeling constantly so ashamed over eating such small portions it felt like such a waste of food#now we eat pretty much nearly normally i think. food sensitivities notwithstanding#and anyway we started noticing that we were slowly gaining weight which we had already entirely wrote off as IMPOSSIBLE#so it was just so insane like. holy shit we were wrong we CAN get better#we reached 120 around June-July which has been our goal weight for years and years but we gave up on it and then it just Happened#now we're hovering around 130 and we can't stop looking at our new belly pouch of fat its very nice to see there#and we decided to calculate kilos#but our brain is stupid as fuck with numbers so we thought 'oh it'll be like a high 40s number probably'#it's nearly 60 kilos#which is a really nice number to see i think we'd want to hover around or slightly above this weight#we don't want to gain too much weight too quickly bc we have noticed the sudden change has messed with our head a bit#we get intrusive dysmorphic thoughts over it bc it's just new and strange to us#but really thinking about it. properly thinking. those are just intrusive no-changes-brain thoughts#this is a good change though. we are absolutely happy over this when older headmates come back into front and find out they get SO EXCITED#like we were updating blank on system stuff and he was like yea yea standard shit for us#and then one of us mentioned our weight and he sat STRAIGHT up like 'WAIT we're chunky now???? /pos'#everyone's so proud of how far we've come it's really nice
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jensthwa · 4 months ago
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show & tell pt. 2 (SMG x reader).
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part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.
SUMMARY:
After the… masterclass you gave Mingi the night before, you’re left anxious on what the future holds for you both. But there’s a pool party you promised you would attend and there’s not really time for you to figure your feelings out before your best friend shows up at your door to drive you to it. So maybe today is not the day to figure your feelings out, right? It’s just a pool party anyways, so nothing out of the ordinary is going to happen… right?
PAIRING: best friend!mingi x afab reader.
GENRE: childhood best friends (idiots) to lovers.
WORD COUNT: 11k.
WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) anxiety attack, attempt !!! at comedy, wooyoung being a little shit part two ft jongho, a new oc being the voice of reason, reader is clueless and in denial i fear, jealousy, miscommunication, fighting so this part is just a tiny bit angsty :(, confessions, teasing, face sitting, hand job, car sex (don't do it in public people, it can get you arrested), pet names (love and baby), a plot line at the end none of you guys are going to get until my new wip drops but it's worth the wait!
NOTES: hey everyone! thank you so much for patiently waiting for this second and last part to drop. i think that, after this one, if you guys want to request any drabbles or if i come up with some scenarios for this couple i will post them but for now nothing is on the works. what is on the works is a wip that's part of the same universe as this one, so pay attention to the new characters i mention if you want any clues! this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send to my askbox/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3
POSTED: july 28th 2024.
TAGLIST (sorry if i forgot anyone, pls let me know!): @vannerriin / @mingtinysworld / @purple-bell / @bakepotatoman / @nxy3h / @taehyungmami / @nxcxllxsevens / @breadpuddingboys / @hotteokkay
masterlist.
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When you wake the next morning, the consequences of restless sleep show up in your face as a reminder of what happened the night before. 
It's not that you regret it, it's more the fact that you feel so unapologetic about messing with the perfect dynamic you have with Mingi that caused you to toss and turn so much. 
Last night, after putting your duvet back on and then crashing into the mattress feeling all tingly and giddy, you asked yourself a thousand questions. 
The main one being: What the fuck did you do? 
The words kept repeating over and over in your head, your voice of reason (or your anxiety) screaming at you to get your phone and make it right before everything becomes a complicated, unresolvable mess. 
You had a brief moment of panic and heavy breathing, your chest tight with unspoken emotion and your eyes filled with tears. 
It was too much, so you forced yourself up and paced around for what felt like hours trying to get your feet back on the ground. Nothing was working, so you sat down at your desk and rested your forehead against it. 
When you didn't feel the usual coolness of the wood, a comfort sensation for when your studies got the best out of you for the day, and instead felt a pen almost stab you in the eye, you -very confused- leaned back. 
Mingi’s notebook and the pen he didn't put back on the pencil case seemed to stare back at you lovingly instead of mocking you for losing control over your own emotions. 
A sense of peace washed over you when you flipped the pages and landed on the instructions he wrote down. Memories of the amazing years you have had by his side started crossing your mind, like recomforting flashes that allowed your heartbeat to go back to normal: 
The first day you saw Mingi, chasing behind a worned out soccer ball and then kicking it so hard it landed on your lawn. 
The first time you two hugged, when your dad scolded you for having bad grades until you cried in front of him. 
The way he held your hand before heading inside to take the college admission exam, last year of highschool. 
His kind eyes. His reassuring smile. The way he made you feel just a few hours back. 
There's no getting rid of me either, love.
We'll figure it out. 
Letting a few contained tears run down your cheeks, you nodded to yourself as if he was there in the room with you. 
Yeah, you'll figure it out.  
And then proceeded to, very much, not figure shit out for the rest of the night. You could still feel his hands everywhere and hear his voice against your ear whispering how much he knows you and pays attention to you. 
You are fucked. 
It's all you can think about when you get ready for the day. It's all you can think about when you help your dad with lunch and when you let your parents know at the table that you are going out that same afternoon. 
“Mingi is driving you, right?” 
“Yeah…” you whisper in response, eyes focused on one specific spot at the table and mind a million years away from the conversation. 
“Good. He's such a good kid, Y/N, I'm glad he knows how to take care of you.” 
Choking on air when your brain finally catches up to her words, you look back up at your mother in shock “W-what?” 
“Yeah honey, what? Y/N can take care of herself,” your father chips in, unaware of your red cheeks or the honest expression of panic you're giving both of them “She's a big girl that carries around that, uh… What was it?— Ah, that pepper spray I gave her, right?” 
“R-right.” 
He lets out a satisfied see? at your answer, gives you a tiny smile and gets up from the table to take his finished plate over to the sink. 
Your mom stays behind, giving you a look you can't quite read before her usual calm expression washes it away. Only then, you can take a proper, very needed, calming breath. 
“I need to get ready. Thank you for the food.” 
“You made it, dear.” 
“I mean! For taking care of the, uh, plates,” you clumsily correct yourself right away, getting up from the table as well “Love you. Bye!” 
You don't miss the confused giggle on your way to your room and when you're behind closed doors, you finally take into consideration that you might be, in fact, overreacting.
Not much, you think, but just enough to give your feelings away. And it's truly a shame, because you were planning on concealing and bottle everything up until it, inevitably, blows up in your face. 
Maybe not the smartest option. 
If you bang your head against the wall with enough force maybe, just maybe it’ll help—
Someone's texting you. 
> gi: heeeeey > gi: just woke up lol > gi: had the best sleep ever tho > gi: how are you, love? 
Okay. So normal texting it is. Maybe your initial plan of just pretending nothing happened is, coincidentally, Mingi’s plan as well. 
So you type in it's literally almost one, ya lazy and let your thumb hover over the send button, eyebrows creased at a sudden realization. 
The casual texting annoys you. 
Sure, Mingi is used to keeping everything casual between him and the people he sleeps with, but you're not just anyone! You didn't sleep together, either! 
Oh, maybe that's why. 
But it ticks you off either way. 
Is he not feeling the same way you do? Did it mean something different for him than it did to you? What did it even mean to you in the first place?
Why, after all the panic you felt the night before, did you have any sort of expectation for today? 
It doesn't make any sense. 
You hit send. 
> gi: aaaaand?  > gi: god forbid a man gets a good night's rest after being thrown off a bed. 
Scoffing, your eyes roll before you can even control it and, to your demise, the giddiness returns. You respond with did you get hurt? awww and raise a hand to your blushed cheek before sending the message.
> gi: yeah wtf  > gi: my butt is all bruised.  > gi: kiss it better? 
Oh. 
Not casual texting. At. All. 
Or maybe it is? 
Ugh.
Blanking on everything Mingi has ever texted you before, you decide it's best to entertain yourself by getting all pretty to sit around the house party tonight and do nothing else instead of torturing your confused brain any longer. 
Using the help of an emoji to flip him off and, hopefully, gather yourself together enough to get ready, you shoot him another text rushing him to do the same because you don't want to be late. 
And he usually takes forever to get ready anyways.
Showering with very cold water, taking a good thirty minutes to decide whether to wear something comfy and fitting or sexy and fitting for the party do the job when it comes to taking your mind off him for, at least, the time being. 
Yunho was insistent the day before in that you didn't need to bring a bathing suit if you didn't want to, but you pack one anyways because you can sense Wooyoung's and Jongho’s intentions even if the youngest couldn't make it to your impromptu gathering yesterday. 
They know you hate when they get away with annoying you and throwing you into the nearest body of water -in this case, Yunho’s pool- in front of many people you don't know (therefore, you are not going to able to go insane mode on them) seems like the perfect opportunity to get away with it.
The last time they did it you weren't really able to scold them properly either, so they laughed and pointed at you until you threatened to kick their asses in a very dishonest but playful way. 
Mingi, of course, did nothing but laugh along with everyone else and then kiss your forehead as an apology later that day. 
That was last summer and since then both perpetrators have treated you to meals and buttered you up enough for you to forgive (as if you didn't do that the morning that followed the incident) but you never forget. 
Maybe you should. It would make the sight of Mingi parking outside your house easier, you think.
You're sure he's parking outside just to give your dad, who comes out to greet him with a hug, some peace of mind. He's very protective of you and he trusts Mingi even if he gives him a hard time everytime he sleeps over or takes you somewhere.  
Like now, you have a very clear view through your window of the sermon he's giving your best friend. You don't hear it but he's moving his hands in the air way too much for it not to be a clear step by step on what to do if you run into any trouble on the way to Yunho's. 
Mingi likes step by step and he's good at following instructions, so you don't think it's going to be an issue. 
God damnit, Y/N, get it together. 
Sighing, you pick up your bag, check your outfit once in front of the mirror, and rush downstairs and out of the door. 
“You do know how to change a tire, son?” 
Mingi is standing in front of your dad with his hands behind his back and a tight smile. 
“Yes sir, my dad taught me and then at the school they made sure I didn't forget about it.” 
“And make sure to—” 
“Could you let the guy breathe, dad?” 
They both turn to, your dad wears a mocking smile and you see Mingi’s tight one breaks into a genuine one a second later. A grateful one, even. 
He looks really good. Which is insane, considering that to you he looked like Chewbacca just yesterday morning. 
Crazy what a good orgasm can do to a person. Or maybe it's the first time you ever let yourself see him in this light. Either way, he's wearing light wash jeans and a fitted t-shirt that clings to him just right and it's going to drive you insane, you can just feel it. 
“I was just making sure that he—” 
“Knows what to do,” you nod “He knows what he's doing, dad. Stop giving him a hard time,” you give your dad a quick kiss on the cheek and then rush to the passenger seat, giving Mingi a glance so he can get in the car as well. 
“Alright. Love you, take care!” 
“Love you too, Mr. L/N!” Mingi says, getting into his seat and giving your dad the opportunity to see when he fastens his seatbelt. He doesn't say anything else, even though he didn't tell Mingi specifically that he loved him and instead gives you both a nod of approval. 
When Mingi finally drives off your street and into the main one, you sigh in relief. 
“He's neeever going to trust me, huh?” 
“He trusts you,” you say right away, cheek resting against the seat so you can take a proper look at him “I'm his only daughter and you're a man after all. Cut him some slack.” 
“He never cuts me some slack!” he fights back but you just laugh and he can't help but join you “You look really good, by the way. A dress? Are you trying to impress someone?” The tone he uses sparks the remaining tension from the night before, like zero time has passed since he kissed you goodnight by your front door. 
When you got into the car with Mingi, you didn't consider that you two would be alone for, at least, forty minutes before getting to your destination. Your mind skipped the fact that he has this new ability to fluster you by just existing near you and you curse it for not letting you prepare well enough for the way he's looking at you right now. 
“Obviously,” you answer in a whisper, clearing your throat a second later “Wooyoung needs to be distracted so he doesn't tackle me into the pool the second we get there. Don't know if it's gonna work on Jongho, though.” 
Mingi clicks his tongue, baring his teeth and pretending to really think about it “I don't think so, love. You'll have to bribe him into considering dropping their whole summer schtick for you.” 
“You can help me with that.” 
“Can I now?” 
“Yeah. You can just… lock him up in a room and my dress can do the rest of the work.” 
Your best friend laughs and then takes a hand off the steering wheel to roll the hem of your dress in between his thumb and index. His knuckles brush against your thigh and you almost -almost- make a noise at the sensation. 
“It's not the dress, love… It's who's wearing it.” 
A bit of silence passes within the both of you. 
“Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.” 
Laughter fills the car and drowns out the honking on the other side of the street and you wonder why you were worried in the first place. 
Nothing has changed. 
Aside from the intention laced with the flirting, it feels the same way it ever did and you couldn't be more glad because now that you know Mingi doesn't hate you (like you thought for a brief moment last night) or wants to hard launch a relationship that doesn't exist to your friends the second he gets them all together in the same room, you can enjoy the car ride and the evening that's about to follow it.
So you flirt with him freely, listen and sing along to songs that just feel like summer summarized in three minutes of exquisite writing and roll your window down once Mingi takes a turn into an hill, trees replacing the buildings you're so used to seeing. 
Your friend is rich rich. His family makes good money and his parents go on lots of business trips. That being said, it's the first time you actually attend one of his parties, and so when you get to Yunho’s house and ring the doorbell, you’re caught by surprise because you can already hear the loud music playing in the backyard and the blend of new and familiar voices through the thick door. 
You expect him to open the door for you but Seonghwa’s smile is the first thing you see before you and Mingi both have the opportunity to step in. 
“You made it!” 
“It's pretty hard to miss this house, Hwa.” 
Your older friend side-hugs you and stays by your side while Mingi takes it upon himself to put your bags for the day in the pile of other bags next to the door “How are you doing today?” 
You're about to answer but when you look at him, you see him staring at Mingi, so you do too. He's staring at Hwa with a little smile “I'm doing good. I blocked her and everything and I can confidently say that…” he turns to you “My ego’s not bruised anymore.” 
If Seonghwa caughts the spark between you and you best friend, he decides to ignore it “That's goo—” 
“Mingi!” 
What the hell is she doing here? 
Not, not that bitch from yesterday but this girl who Mingi meets with sometimes. You don't really know her, you just know she's gorgeous and that her name starts with an h, maybe? 
She's a fashion major and it shows in the way she's dressed up today. Truly, an enjoyable company whenever she's around at frat parties, a saving grace when you're tired of surrounding yourself with only men. 
Right now? She's your worst nightmare. 
Wrapping her arms around Mingi’s neck and getting on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek, she smiles like she knows she's getting laid tonight and your best friend does nothing to pull her away. 
She doesn't even say hi to you before dragging him to the backyard! You and Seonghwa follow them and when she takes Mingi’s arm and pulls him over to -you assume- introduce him to her friends, you almost stomp your feet like a little kid. 
Trying to get rid of the annoyed frown on your face, you turn to Hwa with a teasing smile and your eyebrows raised. 
“Well fuck me, am I right?” 
“I might!” Arms wrap around your waist and you feel Woo’s chin resting on you shoulder immediately after “That's a very nice dress, Y/N.” 
If Mingi was next to you, like you want him to be, you would give him a I told you so glance. Instead, you just look at Seonghwa with absolute horror before he snickers and goes away. 
“Right? And it looks horrible when it's drenched in nasty chlorine water.” 
“You can't possibly know that.” 
“I know a lot of things and— No! Woo, please don't,” you beg when he lifts you off the ground for a second. Behind you, you hear laughs and, even though you can't see them, you know it's San and Jongho “I just got here and I haven't even changed yet, please.” 
He turns you around and hugs you properly this time before letting you go. You take the opportunity to punch him in the arm and then go over to San and Jongho to do the same. 
“We'll let you get your swimsuit on this time.” 
“You're so considerate, Jong. Seriously, they're going to give you the Nobel prize if you don't stop.” He mocks you, repeating what you just said in a higher pitched voice and you laugh as you sit next to Wooyoung’s ex-girlfriend, Gyuri. 
San also has a girl sitting beside him with his arm around her, but you don't really know her so you just wave at her. They're all in their bathing suits already “See how he tried to flirt with me to try to get me with my guard down? He's a monster.” 
“And in front of me, too? The nerve on this guy.” Gyuri, of course, backs you up immediately and you want to return her smile, but you can see Mingi from the corner of your eye and it's distracting. 
“Oh, they're ganging up on me already,” Wooyoung whines, sitting down in front of you both and handing you a drink “It's like my worst nightmare.” 
“He's enjoying it, don't let him convince you otherwise,” San says, getting up from his seat and taking his girl with him “Especially coming from you.” He points at Gyuri and you laugh. 
“We're just friends now!” 
“That's what you told me like three years ago before—” 
Wooyoung gets up to chase after him and San lets go of the girl's hand to try to get away from him. 
Turns out, you're not the one Woo tackles into the pool. This time, him and San crash down on the water hard and a few droplets of water wet your feet. Gyuri laughs and everyone else does too when they realize what's happening. 
Jongho gets up and joins them in the water soon after to try and help (kinda, not really) San escape the wrath of his best friend. 
You almost miss it, because you take the opportunity to look at your best friend and, when you do, he's already looking at you. 
Breath catches on your throat and the lump that forms afterwards has a name and a reason: Mingi is looking at you with so much longing it physically hurts. 
He looks like wants to drop everything and come and confuse your fragile mind even more, just like he did the night before. 
Then why the fuck is he there with whatever her name is and her friends and not sitting right next to you? 
You look away, grasping your drink for emotional support and convincing yourself you're starting to see things that are not actually there. 
“Why the fuck are y'all fighting this time?!” Yunho comes from inside the house and it's the first time you see him today “No choking! No running! It's literally in the rules!” 
“Wooyoung please let go of my boyfriend!” 
Ah. So she is San’s girlfriend. Still, you turn to Gyuri to ask. 
“Who is sh—” 
“San’s new girlfriend, Kyungmi. We don't give a fuck about her or San right now, we're mad at them,” you want to ask who we is, because Wooyoung seems like he's just playing, but she interrupts you again “What the fuck is going on with you and Mingi?” 
Huh?! 
You make a quick mental review of your plan. Conceal? Clearly it didn't work. Bury your emotions deep so no one notices? You probably can't recover from the way you smile just dropped. 
The only thing left on the list is pretend that you're insane, but you're not sure it'll work either. So you turn it on her: “Nothing much. He played Espresso like three times on a row on the way here and I almost kill him, but—” 
“You can't bullshit me, Y/N.” 
Great, that didn't work either. 
“I saw that. Seonghwa did too but he got up before I could convince him to ambush you,” she dramatically sighs, chugging the rest of her drink down “So, what is going on?” 
“Nothing,” that much is true “he's literally with a girl right now.” 
“And she will never mean as much to him as you do. Next.” 
“Gyuri… I really don't know what you want me to say.” 
Squinting her eyes at you suspiciously, Gyuri takes her time before answering and you fidget in your seat a little. Wooyoung liked her for a reason, she's feisty and goes straight to the point and it's something you usually admire but right now it's not the time for her to do this. 
“I just thought maybe it finally happened…” She whispers and shrugs the entire conversation off before getting up “Let's head inside. They're going to start grilling meat at any second and I also don't want to be near Wooyoung when he gets out of there.” She points at him and you laugh. 
Jongho has him in a chokehold and Yunho is trying to separate them while San desperately swims towards his girl that's still waiting for him near the edge of the pool. 
“Sure thing.” 
You pretend you don't feel Mingi's eyes on you as you move. 
This is not unusual. Whenever you all go to parties, hosted by someone inside of the friend group or not, you end up separating from Mingi. 
He does his thing. He's outgoing and he likes dancing while you enjoy conversation and drinking away at the rest of the party, occasionally making out with someone and calling it a night when your social battery runs out. 
So you hang out with Gyuri in the kitchen until the sun starts going down and when the last ray of it disappears you decide it's time to swim a bit before you're too tipsy for it to be safe. 
Grabbing your bag and greeting some new people you don't know at the door, you head up to the bathroom you are told by the host himself it's upstairs. 
When your tying up the strands of your swimsuit, the door slams open and you jump and cover yourself up with your hands because you're not able to finish the job, so the strands fall down and the only thing holding the top part of the fabric it's you. 
“What the fuck, Mingi?” 
Turning around, you're only able to look at him through the mirror. 
“Lock the door next time! What if it was somebody else?” 
“People usually knock!” 
“I didn't mean to scare you, it's the door’s fault,” he makes a fool of himself trying to prove it “See? I— let me help you with that,” he closes the door again and, this time, he locks it before taking a short step and grabbing the strands of your top “It's the second time this week I scare you like that, huh? I’m sorry, love.” He ties the strands together with a secure knot and his apology finally allows your tense muscles to relax. 
You remind yourself that there's no valid reason for you to be mad at him. You'll figure it out, he said it himself, and maybe today is not the day to do so. 
But he's not stepping away once he's finished, he's not even saying anything else before his hands grab your waist and his chest collides to your back. 
Looking at him through the mirror again, you silently ask him with your eyes what he thinks he's doing. He ignores you, bending down so the tip of his nose can trace the skin on the side of your neck. 
“I missed you,” his voice sounds like honey when he says it and you, once again, curse the ability he has to make you crumble “and you disappeared like an hour ago.” 
You let out a sigh. 
“I was in the kitchen, Mingi, not missing and we were in the same space for at least twenty minutes before that and like… forty minutes in a car, together.” You remind him and he frowns “Besides, you were with Ha… Haneul?” 
“Hanni,” he corrects and you huff out a whatever “and she was introducing me to some of her friends that are in the same major as me, just a year over.” 
“Cool.” 
He pecks your shoulder. You do your best to not melt completely into him and fix your hair in the mirror. 
“Y/N…” he starts and you hum in acknowledgement “I missed you.” 
It pisses you off for some reason. The mature thing to do is to let him know but the words that leave you are petty and laced with annoyance. 
“I’m sure you did, buddy.” 
He grins against your skin and you turn around to face him, eyebrow raising. 
“What's so amusing?” 
At your tone, he seems taken aback but his smile stays curving his lips upwards.
“I'm just really happy to have this moment with you,” he says, matter of factly, and you press your hands against his chest to regain some personal space. He doesn't budge an inch “What's going on?” 
He's such a guy sometimes. 
“You're here, kissing my neck, while a gorgeous girl who I'm sure is waiting for you downstairs is probably bragging to her friends about how she's going home with you tonight and—” 
“Y/N, I'm literally taking you home.” 
“I can easily take a car back— Mingi, seriously,” taking a deep breath, you stare at him with all the honesty you can gather “I don't want to do whatever this is if afterwards you're going downstairs to dance and flirt with Haneul or whatever her name is.” 
He looks like he wants to correct you on it again, so you level him with a daring glance. 
He keeps his mouth shut. 
“And I also don't want you to hurt her feelings if you tell her you can't leave with her tonight, so—” 
“I don't give a shit about her feelings, love.” 
“Mingi, don't say that!” 
“I don't! I wasn't flirting with her at all, either! Listen, it's…” he stops to chuckle for a few seconds “I mean, it's adorable that you're jealous but there's no reason for you to—” 
“Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.” 
It's the second time today you have said those exact words to him. The first time, you also felt your heart bang with such force against your rib cage but for a completely different reason. 
“I'm not one of the girls you fuck on the side when you're horny or bored out of your mind. Don't fucking treat me like one.” You warn and suddenly the image of you telling him that teaching him yesterday could mess you both up crosses your mind.  
“I'm not, Y/N! I'm just saying that you look adorable when you're—” 
“Jealous? Why would I be jealous when we are not together, Mingi? I'm literally looking out for the girl!” 
“You don't even know her name, love.” 
“That's not the fucking point!” 
He finally takes a step away from you, closing his eyes and taking a calming breath, surely.
Now you're pissed off because he saw right through you and your words. 
That disgusting weight on your chest you felt back by the pool while you kept staring at him from the corner of your eye? Jealousy. 
Now that he brought it up, it makes sense. 
You hate it. 
You always hated being put in a position where you felt the need to compare yourself to others. Always hated how easy it is for anger to run through your blood and infiltrate every waking thought until it clouds your judgment. 
Because you shouldn't be angry. He just said he didn't care about her feelings. 
And yet, all you can think about is that he spent an hour with her instead of you. 
When he turns to you, there's a storm in his eyes and you just don't want to hear it tonight. 
“Save it, keep it, sleep on it and we'll talk tomorrow,” picking your dress from the spot on the floor it's been sitting all this time, you put the fabric on, take your bag and then unlock the door “I’m going home.” 
You don't give him the opportunity to say anything else before getting out of the bathroom but you do hear a groan when you're rushing downstairs. 
Yeosang and Yunho are just leaving the kitchen when you trip on the last step and the host jogs the few steps to you after laughing. 
“There you are, Y/N. Listen, there's some meat already grilled back there but we're—” 
“I'm actually going home, Yun,” you cut him short “I'm not feeling that well. My plan was to swim a little before leaving but I don't think I can do it.” 
“Did something happen or…?” 
What happened is coming downstairs as he asks. 
“Nope. Nothing, I just think I'm catching a cold or something. Thank you so much for inviting me though!” You hug your friend quickly, kissing his cheek before pulling away. 
“Always…” Yunho is very observant but, as you always do, he doesn't press you with questions about what's going on “He's taking you home?” Pointing behind you, you don't have to turn around to get what he means. 
“Ye—” 
“No. He's having a great time here, I don't want to get in the way,” you shrug “I'll just get an uber or something. Don't worry.” 
Yunho frowns slightly, eyes moving from your face to over your shoulder. 
Immature. Petty. Rude. 
You're sure that's the way you’re coming off right now. But feeling anger bubbling behind the smile you give Yunho, you think it's better they make their assumptions instead of actually seeing you upset. 
You move to hug Yeosang as well and he murmurs his farewell. When you turn around, Mingi is no longer there and you don’t spare a look towards the floor to ceiling glass windows that separate the living area from the backyard because you're sure he's sitting right beside that girl again. 
As he should be. 
You bolt for the door, giving your friends a tiny smile before going down the few steps and into the hill. It's already dark and you're sure no uber driver it's going up this hill for the tip you're able to offer them, so you figure your best shot is to go down and try to find a cab on the main street. 
The light from your phone illuminates your scowl as you walk. Past the bushes and the trees and the lines of parallel parked cars where Mingi’s Lexus is. 
You don't notice him there until he opens the backdoor to block your step. 
“Get in the car, I'm taking you home.” 
Closing the door he just opened to stop you, you shake your head. 
“I told you I'm getting a ride and—”
“I don't give a fuck. Get in the car.” And then he's opening his door and closing it so fast it gives you no room for debating. 
He's angry. Shit. 
You can't even see him through the tinted window to assess how much damage you have done, so you look down the hill one more time and wonder if making the run for it is worth it. 
When your phone lights up with a notification from Gyuri asking you if everything's okay and to make it home safe, you take it as a sign to round the car and get into the passenger side with an annoyed huff. 
The engine comes to life. You're not looking at him but at the trees until the leaves start showing the building lights in-between them and soon you're on the main road. 
You can't even ask him to turn the radio on. Stubborn, you refuse to let the anger inside of you dissipate in fear of shame taking over. It's better being angry than being ashamed, at least in this exact moment because you can practically feel Mingi's anger through the silent treatment. 
But you need to say something. The silence is suffocating and the street is surprisingly empty so you can't distract yourself with anything. 
“You shouldn't have bothered.” 
“I am bothered. You bothered me.” 
Clenching your jaw, you turn to him in disbelief “I told you to stay at the goddamn party so we can fix this tomorrow but I bothered you?”
“Did I stutter or something?” 
“No, you're just not making any fucking sense!” 
“Yeah, fuck this,” you see him look around, biting the inside of his cheek like he's holding his words in “We're fixing this right now.” 
The car makes a harsh turn and you have to grab the door for support. 
“Mingi!” He's not listening to you anymore. His hard gaze stays on the road, it feels like forever before he pulls into a somewhat empty parking lot and when the vehicle stops you go to open the door and get the fuck away from him before you two kill eachother inside this car. 
That's an exaggeration but with the way he turns off the car and unbuckles his seatbelt, you know your pride doesn't stand a chance. 
The summer breeze briefly hits your face before his hand is on yours, closing the door and preventing you from, once again, escaping the situation. 
Frustrated, you let out a loud groan “What the fuck is your problem?!” 
“I don't know, Y/N! But I'll tell you what your problem is, alright?” he chuckles. It's a humorless sound, his face painted in something you've never seen before “Your problem is that you assume you know what everyone else is feeling and you assume you're right. But intuition can only get you so far, love, so I need you to take your head out of your ass and think logically for a second.” 
Flabbergasted, you think you murmur something in your defense but he cuts you short. 
“No! You didn't let me get a word out back there so now you're going to shut up and listen,” he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes “You assume you're smarter than everyone else but you're actually so dumb. Dumb, you're acting very dumb and reckless, Y/N! That back there?” he points out of the window to nothing but you know what he means “Leaving— Scratch that. Leaving me and not giving me a chance to say anything back? Trying to go down that hill alone and in the dark? Stupid.” 
Staring back at him with watery eyes, you don't even know what to say back except a whispered excuse me?
“And usually I would beat up anyone who even dares to call you that but I guess all these years I've been wrong about you. Because if you were smart, you would've realized that Hanni means nothing to me and I mean nothing to her. There's nothing, she loves appearances and that's it.” 
You knew that already, but you're not giving your stance up. 
What even is your stance? Ah, right, he treated you like an envious no one back there and not like his best friend.  
“Yeah, I can tell you mean nothing to her from the whiny tone and the hug and the dragging you to meet her friends, Mingi.” Scoffing at the memory, your lips press into a thin line. 
“Well, she's a friendly girl!” 
“She didn't even say hi to me!” 
“So she doesn't like you, Y/N! Who cares!” you sure don't but, again, you just stare at him in disbelief and his open arms, palms to the sky “Do you care? Because I don't! And guess what? I doesn't fucking matter if she likes you or not or if she wants me or not because I like you!” 
What? 
“W-what?” 
“I like you! And I'll choose you over her and everyone else again and again and again until you notice but fuck it's so tiring. You're so fixated on why I let her drag me to her friends that you completely ignored me the rest of the time we were there and maybe if you looked at me more than once you would've realized that I was staring back at you the whole afternoon!” 
You let out an annoyed chuckle “So you were, Mingi.” 
“I was! I was trying to get you to look at me and notice how bad I wanted you to come over, rescue me from that boring ass conversation, grab my hand and claim your place right beside me because—” he pauses, resting a hand on the steering wheel and looking at you like he can't believe he has to spell this out for you “Because I want nothing more than for her and everyone to know I’m yours! I'm sure everyone already fucking knows too, except you. So yeah, sometimes, you're pretty fucking dumb for such a smart woman, Y/N.” 
Words escape you. They escape your mind, your reason and your pride shrinks until it disappears behind all the love you feel for Mingi. 
So that's what you are feeling. That's what you felt yesterday night when the tiredness couldn't drown out your thoughts of him and all he meant to you. 
Love, love, love. In all its forms, in all its possible scenarios. Your heart burns for it and you used to think that your hopeless romantic desires began and died with the movies you tend to see and the books you tend to read, that it was impossible to feel this way for anyone but there he is, chest heaving in the yellow interior light, waiting for you to say something back. 
“And I realize that before yesterday I showed no interest in you but believe me when I say that I—” 
Shakily, you interrupt him with whispered words, heart soaring and hands reaching out to cup his beautiful face “Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.” 
When you kiss him, you make sure to pour out everything you couldn't say a minute ago into it. 
When he kisses you back with the same feeling, it crosses your mind that he already forgave you. 
And when he grabs your waist and drags you over the break handle and the transmission to collide his chest against yours and drag his tongue along the seam of your bottom lip, you think that, for the first time ever, you have to tell him he's right. 
You are stupid. Stupid for not realizing it sooner, stupid for confusing his longing stares for something platonic, stupid for thinking you could wait until tomorrow to tell him he has the right to see and be with anyone he wants to because this is it. 
This. The way your entire body comes alive when he sighs into your mouth and groans at the way your knee opens up his legs to make room for you on his side of the car and partially on his lap. The way his thumbs run through your cheeks and dry the tears you didn't even feel falling down. The way your heart jumps frantically and the way its beats could get confused by his because you're so close. 
Suddenly and unexpectedly, you can't recall a time Mingi didn't make you feel this exact same way. It's overwhelming, it expands through you like a fire and it knocks the remaining air out of your lungs enough for you to pull away and rest your forehead against his, shaky breaths tangling together and fingers grasping the neck of his shirt in an attempt to ground yourself. 
You sniffle, incapable of not feeling emotional over his confession and your realization “I'm sorry, Mingi. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for treating you that way I was… I behaved like…” 
“An ass.” He nods and you look at him with the ghost of a smile tugging at your lips. 
“Yeah,” you nod as well “I was an ass. A jealous ass.” 
“I know, love.” He whispers, eyes moving on your face before his lips are on yours again, briefly, sweetly, even if you don't feel like you deserve it “You tend to forget that I know you, hm? That I've seen you jealous before? You were an ass back then, too.” 
“Okay! Okay, stop calling me an ass, I get it.” 
“I'm sorry for waiting for you to do something when you didn't even… I guess you didn't know, right? The way I feel about you?” 
“I know now,” you whisper back, nudging your nose against his and then putting some distance so you can see him better “I feel the same way, by the way. We're shit at communicating, apparently, so I'll just tell you now that—” 
His lips are on yours again and he's giggling against them and shaking his head when he pulls away. Brown eyes search for yours and you're not sure what he's looking in them but he seems to find it, his muscles relaxing against the leather of his seat seconds later. 
So you kiss him again. And again and again until your back starts hurting and the steering wheel is pressed uncomfortably against it, forcing you to shift on his hold. 
“Let me… Wait.” He lets you go to pull his seat back and then closes his legs, forcing your knee to fall on his other side so you can fully straddle his lap “That's better. Now come here.” And then he’s grabbing the back of your neck and stealing your breath away again with another kiss.
The tension shifts right then. When he can fully feel you pressing up against him and when a noise escapes you once his hands drop and give your bare legs the attention you didn't even know you were craving. 
You thought a second ago that the sweet kisses would stop once you were both sated with the sweet aftermath of all the yelling and confessing but now you don't want it to stop. 
There's a lot to catch up on, a lot of missed time you need to make up for. 
You still want to make him feel good. The sparks from yesterday come alive again and soon you're yanking the strands of dark hair with your fingers and letting your mouth explore the skin of his neck. When you sink your teeth into his skin, he lets out the same noise he did the night before and you smile against the mark you just made. 
His lips find your shoulder and he breathes hard into it once your hips start moving at their own accord, slowly yet firmly, the pad of his fingers digging hard on your thighs until you break away from his neck to focus on his face again. 
“This goddamn dress, love.” 
Humming, you caress his red cheek with your lips “What about it?” 
“Been thinking about it all day…” 
“It worked, by the way.” 
“Woo?” 
“Mhm. Distracted him so he didn't throw me in the pool right away.” 
“And Jongho?” 
“Probably plotting against me right now.” 
He laughs softly into your skin “Probably.” 
Chuckling as well, you stop your movements and take in how he looks. Gone, a little too fucked up from just making out, lips swollen and eyes clouded with something you're getting too familiar with, too quick. 
��Worked on you, too.” 
He smiles and shrugs, letting his head drop into the headrest “You look good in everything, love. It doesn't really matter what you wear.” 
“Oh?” 
A firm hand trails up your body, slowly, from you leg to your hip, your waist to the side of your breasts and your until it cops your face with affection you never imagined you would experience. 
“I have always thought you are the most beautiful girl to ever exist.” 
This is it. 
Leaning into his touch, your lips connect to the palm of the hand holding you before you lean forward again. 
“I love you, Mingi.” 
He doesn't seem surprised by your confession and you're glad he knows. It doesn't really matter if its too soon, if you even mean it in a romantic way or not, the love you have for him transcends all labels. 
“I love you too, Y/N.”
And his does too. 
You kiss him until it hurts. 
He kisses you until you're gasping and your body is pleading for more. 
The both of you kiss each other until you're sure nothing else will replace the taste of one another, that it will linger forever even if your paths stop crossing at any point in time. 
It feels like you're trapped somewhere where the clock doesn't tick at all, where you can take your time exploring him with your mouth and your hands. 
And then it doesn't. 
The fabric of the dress starts bothering you, his tight shirt is suddenly not tight enough and the hardness steadily growing and pressing into your core is screaming for attention you can't give him with all these clothes on the way. 
He feels it too, fingers tracing the hem of your dress for the second time today and then they're under it, pulling at the fabric up until it bunches on your waist. 
You're still wearing the swimsuit he helped you put on earlier but it does little to conceal how affected you are. Looking down, you're not even ashamed of it when he follows your eyes and let his linger on the patch of wetness darkening the color of the bottoms. 
Still, he moves his hands upwards again and soon you're struggling to get the dress off, considering you're almost bumping the roof of the car when you straighten your spine to do so. 
“Wanna know what crossed my mind when I saw you in the bathroom?” 
When it's finally off, he immediately goes for it: His index tracing your collarbone and slowly descending, his short nail dragging against your skin before the rest of his fingers join, right in between your breasts, where there's fabric holding together the top of the swimsuit. 
He could easily tug on it if he wanted to. Instead, he ignores it and presses the heel of his hand against it, forcing you to lean back and almost bump into the steering wheel again. 
Unable to speak and panting, you only nod as a reply to his question. 
“How easy it would be to get on my knees and eat you out. I thought: What if I just…” Using his other hand to mess with the knots that keep the left bottom part of the swimsuit together, he demonstrates what he means without actually doing it, his eyes following the motions “Undo these, get on my knees and make her come all over my face?” 
“Fuck, Mingi…” 
“You would like that, wouldn't you?” He smirks without actually looking at you, the hand on your sternum traveling down against your skin before joining the other one, teasing the knots on the right. 
“Y-yes.” 
Maybe he can see it on your face, the sudden nervousness at the scene he painted before you, because he grabs one of your hands and brings them to his lips before drawing you close again “Please tell me your idiot ex-boyfriend ate you out when you were together.” 
Blush darkening, you make a face that gives the answer away. 
He groans “He's worse than I thought, fuck. Come here.” And without any warning, the back of his seat goes down until it touches the backseat with it.
Bracing yourself against his chest, because you went down with him as well, you huff out a surprised laugh “Go where?” 
“Up here. Let me teach you something tonight.” 
“Mingi…” 
“First, you need to make sure your hands are clean—” 
“Stop,” laughing, you interrupt his bad attempt at teasing you with the same words you used on him yesterday “There's no real support for me if we do this, where do I even—” 
“Knees here,” he motions the backseat and you could actually do it, but you would have to sit on his face instead of hovering like you imagine it would be more comfortable for him “hands here” he points to the grab handle and the headrest of the passenger seat and then straightens his spine a little, bringing his face closer to you so he can whisper right into your worn out lips “Turn the light off, I'll do the rest.” 
He looks like he's going to kiss you but then he falls back onto the seat with an excited smile curving his lips. 
What a tease. 
So of course you turn off the light and prop yourself up into the position he wants to. It's challenging, the car is not that small but it feels like it is and you very much would rather do this on a bed, spare his back and yours in the process, but excitement also runs through your body and your brain stops making up excuses for why should deny yourself of the pleasure of Mingi using his mouth to make you see stars the second his fingers undo the knots and peel the bottom half of your swimsuit off your body with ease. 
Lips trailing up your inner thighs and hands on each side of them, holding you in a secure position, Mingi doesn't tease you much before attaching his mouth to your heat and your subconsciousness flies out the window when his tongue flicks your clit. 
You look down at him and the sight of him enjoying himself has you beaming, the warmth spreads through you and the zeroes on your pussy. You don't even try to quiet down your moans, completely forgetting that you're in a public parking lot that can fill up at any second. 
But paying no mind to it either, Mingi also moans encouragingly into your wet folds when your hips move a little, chasing that high. 
He shifts his focus to your entrance, his tongue working itself into you and when you move your hips again at the feeling, his nose bumps into your clit in a way that has you grasping the headrest for support, right hand slipping down and resting on the window while your mouth hangs open and your eyes shut close. 
“Mingi… Baby, fuck, I'll—” he adds his thumb into his ministrations, pressing it against your clit the way he did yesterday and it only takes a few side to side movements for you to come undone on his mouth. 
And again, the intensity of your orgasm takes you by surprise. It's obviously not as intense as yesterday's but it still got you trembling so you want to curse him out for being that good at what he does. 
He eases you into it, slowing his mouth and you only register that it leaves you completely when your thighs are being kissed tenderly. 
Breathless, you look down at him and catch his smile before his teeth are sinking into your skin and forcing you to hiss out a laugh “Good?” 
“Yeah,” you smile, climbing down from your position and hovering over his lap in an attempt to not ruin his jeans. It's very obvious he enjoyed it too, his crotch holding the evidence tight and probably painfully against the fabric there “Really, really good.” 
You want to get on your knees and return the favor, make him squirm in pleasure, but the space is not working in your favor. So even though your thighs are hurting and sweat is dripping down your neck, you start working on the button and zipper of his jeans before he sits up.
He wants to say something, but your tongue is touching his and tasting yourself on it before he gets the chance. Clumsily, a little too far gone for your liking as well, you are able to get through the layers of clothes and let your hand hang over his dick “Are you gonna make me beg for it today?” 
“You don't have to, love.” 
“Beg?” you ask with a smile that he reciprocates “Or touch you?” your free hand brushes the hair out of his face, sliding down until you're propping his chin up with it, thumb tracing his bottom lip softly “Because I want to touch you. I want to make you feel so, so good, baby. Please.” 
He kisses the pad of your thumb and then takes it into his mouth, tongue caressing the tip of it until you're panting again and then nods. 
That's all the permission you need before taking him with your hand and pulling him out of his boxers. Taking your hand out briefly, you gather up saliva and spit right into it. 
Mingi lets out a noise at that. Interesting. 
Starting slow, you focus on his expression. Testing the waters, taking note of what he likes because, unlike him, you probably pushed to the corner of your mind every sexual conversation you two had before yesterday. You take a second to look down at it, the size is no surprise but your mouth waters at the image of you taking him into the heat of it. 
Maybe another time. For now, you focus on making him feel good with the little you can offer him in the enclosed space of his car. 
He mouths at your neck, choked up sobs vibrate through the skin on your collarbone and your top gets moved to the side so he can mark the side of your boobs as he pleases. It sets the fire inside of you alive again, your folds getting wetter when he rolls his tongue around your nipple and then throws his head back when you twist your hand in a motion he seems to really enjoy.
“Just like that, love.” 
To your delight, he's not quiet. He's loud, he's grabby, taking the opportunity to hold onto your ass and press down on the skin when you tease his slit and gather his precum on your fingers so you can spread it around his cock and your hand can slide easier. 
Movements get sloppy once he's close, he's no longer paying attention to you and you welcome it as a great sign, his hips bucking into your hand and he moves you forward until you're sitting on his lap again. 
The only thing preventing your pussy and his dick to touch being your hand. 
You glance at him and he looks back, probably the same idea popping up into his mind so you nod once.
The car moves as you two move around, to the back seat, the spine of his seat up and the entire thing moving forward to make space for him next to you, over you, on top of you once he kicks his jeans and boxers off to the floor. 
You reach out to him in a silent plea and he bends down to kiss you soft and moist and hot and breathy, sensually, with sweet sounds escaping both of you when you reach under his shirt and lift it up until he gets what you want. Discarding it with the rest of his clothes, your top follows it and the contentment you feel when his naked chest touches yours is unmeasurable. 
There's no real room to move around and there's not really any patience left within both of you, so when he apologizes when he moves his hips where he shouldn't and his tip brushes your entrance, you pull back from his bruising mouth. 
“Condom. Now.” 
He obliges right away, searching on his jeans for a minute or so and when he comes back he's smirking like he can't believe you “When I told you we needed to raincheck I didn't mean it to be like this. Bossy.” 
Even if you're punching him on his chest and giggling at his breathy words, you take the teasing with pride “You started it, Mingi!” 
Putting the condom on skilled and fast, he's soon resting his forehead against yours and kissing you softly again “I wanted you on my bed…” his lips trail down and the giggles die on your throat as he's kissing it, a moan escaping you “On your back or knees or riding me…” he continues in a whisper going down and down and down, giving your nipples attention before going back up and taking your mouth in his again “Making a mess on my cock…” 
He takes the opportunity to enter you slowly and you gasp at the stretch, wet enough so it doesn't hurt you but you're unfamiliar with him, with his size splitting you open deliciously. 
“F-fuck, Y/N.” Mingi leans back to watch you take him in and you whine again. Tilting your head back, you let him work himself in and you moan loudly when he almost bottoms out “Look at you…” 
You don't. You can't. He's pressing his thumb on your clit again to ease you through the stretch and it makes the heat pool in your belly like you didn't come in his mouth a few minutes ago. 
Slowly but surely it gets easier for him to rock his hips into you, mouth parting in pleasure when you remind yourself to look at him. His abdomen tenses when you run your nails against the skin there, softly, until you're detouring them into his back and sinking them in just enough to have him whining at the feeling. 
“Baby… Harder.” 
“Yeah?” 
Hips bucking up to meet his at a particularly hard trust, you reach up to him so he can rest his body weight on yours. Close like this, with the pace picking up, the knot on your lower half tightens and threatens to break. 
“You take me so well, love. Fuck, always knew you would,” you know he can feel your walls tightening around him at the praise, because he smiles and kisses you once before continuing “My pretty, pretty girl… Taking my cock so well…” he punctuates his words with the roll of his hips and you cry out, holding his face in between your hands, his eyes never leaving yours. 
In this position, his lower abdomen bumps into your clit and it's soon tipping you over the edge. 
“So good, so good, oh— Oh, God.” You're mumbling incoherently while Mingi keeps whispering sweet nothings and then the tension on your belly breaks. It takes three seconds of your walls pulsating around him for him to groan loudly into your mouth and come undone as well. 
The only thing you can hear is breathing, all you can feel is breathing. His against your chin, yours blowing on his hair when you rest your cheek on his temple. 
It takes a second to gather yourself again and when you do, you tilt your head back to give him a chaste kiss that he returns. 
“That was so good, baby.” You tell him and he smiles, nodding in agreement “I am sticking to the fucking seat though.” 
Mingi snorts and just like that the energy shifts back to the usual you. Only this time, you come back to it knowing that no one’s ever going to have you the way he does. 
He slips out of you, doing his thing with the condom and you sit up, looking through the windows and becoming aware of your surroundings for the first time since you got there. 
There's a car parked far away from you that's empty and the rest of the cars that were near it have left. You wonder how long this all took, because you lost track of time the second he told you he likes you. 
Chest still heaving and boxers now on, Mingi rests his back on the door and takes your hand in his “Is it dumb of me to assume you're my girlfriend now, love?” 
“Is it dumb that I assumed that's what I was when you said you like me?” 
“No,” he answers right away “not dumb at all.” 
Smiling, you nod “Then I'm your girlfriend, Mingi.” 
He beams at that and then he's crowding you again “Say it again.” 
“I'm your girlfriend.” you repeat, enunciating each word and giggling when he nuzzles his nose into the crimson on your cheek “I’m yours, baby.” 
Resting his forehead against yours, he hums in contempt “Good, because I've always been yours too.” 
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“There's no way! You two... together? Guys… See, that would be me if I didn't saw it coming but I'm smarter and cooler than everyone here so I did.” 
Wooyoung's over the top reaction has Mingi throwing his head back in a silent laugh and you staring at the black haired guy, unamused and a little offended. 
It's two days later and, as usual, you're at Wooyoung's and San’s apartment hanging out. 
After putting your clothes back on and going for some well deserved food, Mingi took you home, kissed you goodnight and showed up the next day after class to break the news to your parents. 
Your mom almost cried. Your dad too, but for a completely different reason. 
In the end, they both agreed they saw it coming and when you told Mingi’s parents, they said the same thing and invited yours to have celebratory dinner without you. 
What happened in Mingi’s room after was worth missing dinner anyways. 
Mingi and you decided to break the news when most of the group showed up for movie night and you were nervous to see their reactions. 
But everyone seems unaffected by it. 
“I knew you guys liked each other the second I met you. Ask Gyuri, she agrees with me.” 
“Sadly, I do.” Wooyoung's ex looks at you from her spot by the door, where she's getting her shoes on. 
She winks at you and you fake a gasp, falling into your boyfriend's lap with an annoyed huff. 
“And no one told us?!” 
“Sorry, Y/N. We didn't want to get in the way.” Hwa is apologetic and Yeosang nods alongside Hongjoong but you gape at them like they betrayed your trust. 
“To be fair we didn't know till’ last week, love.” 
“She didn't know.” Gyuri corrects him and now you turn to her to give her the betrayed look “You were pining over it for six months already.” 
“I say it was more like nine but…” Hwa shrugs and sips his cup, giving the man holding you close a knowing smile. 
Oh, they definitely talked about it, huh? 
“Nine months and no one cared to fill me in, huh?” 
“I’m sure Mingi did—” 
“Wooyoung!” 
“Well I didn't notice.” Yunho interferes with a shrug and gives you a recomforting smile that doesn't work at all. 
San laughs “That's because you're a puppy that can't even tell when someone likes you.” 
“Am not!” 
Everyone, including you and Mingi, make a noise in agreement with San.  
“You're one to talk, though, leave the puppy alone.” Gyuri tells her ex's best friend and Wooyoung laughs at him when his smile drops. 
There's some story there you don't know. 
“Guys… Does someone like me right now? Be honest.” 
Yeosang is about to tell him something but Jongho interrupts. 
“Enough with the love talk! Can we start the movie?” But he's pressing play already, so the answer doesn't really matter. 
Gyuri laughs once and Wooyoung makes his way over to her to give her a hug that she enjoys for one second tops before pushing him away. 
“Enjoy everyone! I'm so happy for you two, by the way, not that these neanderthals would tell you to your face but I'm sure they're too.” 
“Thank you, Gyuri.” Mingi murmurs from behind you and you mouth a thank you as well before she leaves for the night. 
Something about her best friend having a boy crisis. 
You don't miss the way San’s eyes follow her until she leaves or the way he looks at Woo, something clearly worrying him. 
His best friend ignores him, though, so you confirm that might just be a little pissed off at him after all. 
“Tell her to text you what happens.” San asks Woo once she leaves and he rolls his eyes. 
“Mhm. I’ll tell her to stop calling us neanderthals too.” 
You smile “Well, she's right.” 
“Nuh-uh!” 
Jongho has to stop the movie and you see him sulk while everyone else is arguing. Some of them, like Hwa and Yeo, are siding with you and Gyuri. And the rest of them, like your boyfriend, are telling them off. 
When you turn to face him, his argument dies mid-sentence because he stops to smile at you. He takes your face in his hand and kisses you for the first time ever in front of everyone else. The group stops the argument to tease you both and you laugh into his mouth. 
A cushion is thrown at you and Jongho gets up to separate your faces before sitting beside you with a pout on his lips. 
“Can we watch the goddamn movie?!” 
You're the happiest you've ever been.
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If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
© jensthwa, 2024.
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writella · 3 months ago
Text
Reckless Romantics
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Synopsis: Can be read as a stand alone or part two to getting ready for me; a return to innocent, inexperienced!reader and her relationship with Rick Grimes; two weeks after their first time together there has been some distance, but now Rick wants to make up for how hasty he was when he touched her last.
Details: Rick Grimes x fem!reader, smut: oral (f receiving) and teaching reader how to give a handjob, unspecified (of age) age gap, sweetness + kissing + a little mutual pining maybe, probably cliche, and leaning more into Rick as the dutiful leader and gentle lover (I feel this is just as in character as dom!Rick). Reader is a music lover— any kind of music you like— but she also likes a specific band only because I watched a documentary about them at the theater in July so it made its way into the story. Slightly proofread— will be corrected more later. wc: 5-7k (I lost track after finishing it on tumblr).
A/N: I wrote this message before I returned for the summer, but I still want you to read it: Been spending time outside this summer, trying to reach some goals— time got away from me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying I miss you, but please know it’s always true.
— with love from writella, my beautiful reader. ♡
Rick Grimes was not a man to give in to temptation.
My mercy prevails over my wrath, he’d say— his secret keepsake phrase. The one he whispers to himself in moments of hardship; the one he uses when he needs to make decisions only a leader would. Rick was a man of discipline; honor. He never boasted about how seriously he took these qualities, but when others did— admired, applauded, stuck by him for it— it would be a lie to say that he didn’t take note and use their pride to keep him going. This is how he knows he is strong-willed, why he wouldn’t fall for foolish, forbidden things. He was better than that. The safety and prosperity he brought to Alexandria proved it, reaffirmed it.
So why couldn’t someone remind him of that two weeks ago before he touched you?
As for you, you believed yourself to be a girl who wouldn’t fall so easily for the first man who showed you any kind of affection.
From an adolescence of peers who never seemed to take notice of you to one filled with walkers and adults who were either dead or seldom your age, you learned how hard love, let alone any connection, is to come by. It has made you quite the perpetual daydreamer because of it. One with a heart and mind filled with fantasy worlds, creating what you lacked externally. It often made you see yourself as much younger than you were despite all you’ve been through. No regular person your age in the old world has probably escaped as many deaths and wannabe cowboy dictators as you have. Still, they probably knew what it was like to have a high school romance, or at least go to the movies with friends, and have graduated from well, anything. You were simply born too late and shoved into this new world too early to experience even half of it.
This upbringing has brought you up to believe yourself precocious, although— maybe you were already too old for that word now. No, you were, so maybe– sensible, realistic despite the overactive imagination; you could decipher between right and wrong, real versus fake. This is why, for as long as you could, you did not entertain any thoughts of Rick Grimes.
Other people would though, women mostly. But you did have your suspicions of others who thought the same— they just weren't as shameless. Those who were, could be found during lunch breaks from work on house porches; or laughing and whispering at community gatherings and at the back of town hall meetings. Basically any time or place they could turn into a gossip session, which was often. And it didn’t always have to do with Rick. It could be about any one of the men in town; or retelling funny moments to their friends or complaining about their co-workers. But anything of true, great interest always had to do with the community leaders. You wish you could say you were the exception to this interest, but hypocritically, you loved a good inside scoop, and luckily for you, you had a trustworthy way about you. Almost everyone who spoke to you or allowed you to sit with them and their friends for meals agreed: you were a intent, quiet listener making you the best kind of person to say things to without judgment; and people assumed you as shy, yet you loved to laugh which was great for boosting egos. They often treated you as a little sister in that way, as if the pleasure was all yours to get to hear their ramblings because they were either older or perceived themselves to be more sociable and experienced than you. You tried not to care too much about what they took you for. It was nice to feel trusted, even if people could be a little too mean or weird for your liking because no matter who it was, they made you feel as if you were watching television, and you missed television. They told you things from period mishaps– (it’s the apocalypse, there are a lot of free bleeding queens okay)— to which people in their workstations annoyed them most with very detailed explanations as to why and, of course, rumors or general talk about the leaders: who they thought each of them has slept with, if there seemed to be any fighting between them and what side they were taking, and obviously, anything that had to do with one of the guys. Some were downright obvious that one or the other was their type, while others might try to be more sly about it, always bringing whichever man it was up more than the others. But unless they were diehard Daryl girls, wanted to dominate Glenn, or had some military man, hot priest, or doctor kink for Abraham, Gabriel, or Siddiq, most of them apparently felt that Rick was the love of their lives. He was like a local celebrity. A band’s frontman.
“So, what about you?” One of your scavenging partners asked on the ride home. “Which one do you like?”
“They’re all attractive guys,” you say, keeping your eyes on the road. “But I don’t really think about them like that.” You feel a flush coming on. Crushes, or anything romantic, is a part of your internal world, not something you discuss aloud.
“Come on,” she prods. “You never join in. You just laugh at us for being delusional.”
“Whose us?” Rosita asks, her voice sharp, humorous, and not without judgment. “I don’t talk about that shit.” But secretly, she loved the drama as much as you and would have many questions for you later tonight about why you have yet to tell her of the town obsession of treating her friends like the cast of a reality show.
“I don’t laugh at you! I like it when you guys talk about that stuff.”
“But what I’m saying is that I didn’t let you ride shotgun this time so you can hold out again,” the girl jokes half-heartedly.
“What do you mean this time? I get to ride shotgun because I’m the one with the CDs.”
And it’s true, the only thing that cancelled out the silence of drive in moments where conversation ceased was your Oasis album playing in the background. Learning about the band was your new obsession. Much like listening to the crazy imaginations of the girls in town, you found the Gallagher brother rivalry riveting even if you only knew pieces of the story from the music, scraps of magazine articles, and by asking whoever in town happened to be a teen in the 90s. Thankfully you had hit the jackpot today though. One of the houses you visited was once occupied by a dad and daughter with an insane music collection in the living room and a smaller, more curated one in the girl’s room. After gathering what new music you wanted to try from downstairs, you also found some old issues of QuizFest in the girl’s room, filled with activities that were themed with shows you remember from when you were a kid, but the most important discovery— the find of all finds— was one of those Ultimate Guide, Complete Life Story magazines of none other than the band Oasis.
You would now probably know all of the drama between the brothers to tell a coherent story about the band’s history to anyone who wanted an escape from walker related events and farming talk. When you weren’t listening, that’s what people would come to you for: to borrow music, get recommendations, or to tell them a story. In all, you were getting the reputation of being the town’s music historian, meaning you usually used your knowledge to avoid talking about yourself. And it mostly worked.
Except for now.
“Well, if I had to guess,” the girl persists despite your silence, “I think it would be Rick.”
“What?” Noticing the incredulity in your tone, you calm your voice. Shrugging you say, “Why Rick? Everyone likes him.”
Rosita sends a look your way. It’s innocent enough, probably just showing that she is still listening on as she drives but you were refusing to look at anyone now to know for sure.
“Exactly,” the girl says. “He’s a classic knight in shining armor type. I feel like he’d talk you through it, which I think would be good for— someone like you.”
Your face is on fire, you can’t even speak properly. “I- first of all, what do you know about my experience?” you ask, the incredulous tone returning. But all you get as an answer is knowing snorts and chortles from the two women. Ouch. Nonetheless, you continue, “Second, you think shooting a guy in the head in front of his wife and the whole town is chivalrous?”
Oh—
That makes car goes quiet.
You know you made a mistake.
You didn’t mean it as crassly as you said it, and you did feel bad for saying it knowing that the situation was more difficult than you summed it up to be, but you didn’t apologize. All this talk about crushes and especially Rick made you embarrassed. It’s not that you didn't see what others saw anyway. Of course you noticed how nice Rick’s curls are, how he doesn’t have to use any product for them to look as they do; or those blue eyes and how when you get closer, they become that much more stark and crisp; or how good he was at talking to people, convincing them of things or simply just reassuring them as a friend; and that southern drawl that still sometimes catches you by surprise by sounding so pronounced at the end of certain words, making his voice that much more intoxicating. Of course you saw the appeal, but that didn’t mean you had a crush on him.
Right?
Maybe it doesn’t matter. You just felt you knew better. He was like a president. You know of them, and you believe in them, but you don’t get close to them. And it didn’t matter that he told Carl to personally deliver you a stereo he and Daryl found while out once. How he remembered how you liked music. How he told Carl to tell you this one was probably better than the old one you had, that it was louder. You only showed him your old stereo that once when he was helping you move. He was just a perceptive guy with a good memory. All leaders are like that.
Right?
Anyway, let’s get back to your crass… joke.
“Hilarious.” Rosita says and you hear the low contempt in her voice at your insensitivity.
“That was ages ago though,” the girl chimes in, saving you just a little, “and he did it to help her. He didn’t care about the mess he made. He save her. I’d say that’s pretty romantic.”
“Let’s not call that romantic,” Rosita scoffs, and despite the slight frustration, there was a quiet sadness in her voice at the memory. “That wasn’t love.”
“That was reckless, not romantic.” You agree. Partly because you truly do, but also in attempt to win back favor from your friend. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
But after that day, it was all you could think about.
The idea of a knight; a romantic; someone that would do anything for you, ruin his reputation for you; find gifts from the outside that he’d send is son to give to you. Maybe you did find it charming, idyllic.
These thoughts soared in your mind so much so that on one night when thinking about boys from books or your favorite artists wasn't enough during moments under your sheets when your back arched and your fingers trailed up your thighs, your mind switched from people you would never meet to him, to Rick. Your eyes scrunched tighter, and you tried to shake it away, telling yourself it was just the women in town and the talk in the car getting to you. But then you thought about how rich and hot pink his lips looked on a bright sun-burning day and how it would feel like flames firing inside of you if he kissed you with them.
Ideas like these went on for nearly a year now. You even started questioned if maybe you had always liked him, maybe you were always just like the other girls even though tried to not be. You had thought it made you respectful, realistic; after all, how could Rick be the love of your life if he was everyone’s? Wonderings like this became even worse and more confusing when Rosita had asked if you’d like to move in with her. Becoming closer with her meant being around the leaders more often, which meant coincidental encounters and conversations with Rick as well. Quickly, he wasn’t just that president or celebrity anymore who talked to you sometimes and got you that stereo that once. He was becoming a peer— at least in some ways. One who was curious about your interests as much as your opinions. But it’s not exactly like you were in the in-crowd now as some people assumed. You didn’t get to go to leader meetings, and as much as you knew Rosita must have been telling you more than others know, she couldn’t have been telling you everything. But you did see him more than other people now, when he and the leaders came over to the house or when Rosita was invited over to theirs and she’s tell you to come too. And now, with these thoughts spiraling, you can’t help but to look back at the at the times where Rick approached you, gave you all his attention no matter how small it was and asked you about what you were listening to or reading that week, letting you ramble. He was an older guy, yes, but he cared, he actually listened, and he didn’t make you feel like the childish little sister others do.
Sadly, you did become the fawn like you had told yourself you wouldn’t be. But you couldn’t stop picturing him when you closed your eyes, and in fact, it was nice to imagine someone to fall asleep with, to wake up to. It was just going be your secret. Part of your fantasy world. But then— it all caught up to you.
Through the sliver of the open door he saw you, fingers between folds, goading yourself on as you chanted his name in whispers.
And to your surprise, he encouraged it. No, he did so much more than that— he helped you, made you come; gave you your first orgasm and made you his like no one has before.
You loved it. You gave into it. Even if it was just one secret moment. It made you give into the idea that this would continue but of course, it didn’t. He hasn’t spoken to you in almost three weeks until—
“Woah-” you gasp, almost crashing into just the person as you exit your room.
“Sorry,” you both say in unison, holding onto each other's forearms before quickly letting go. Your arms cross over into your chest before dropping as you enter your room again, clearing the hallway, and his hands go behind his back. He’s still as unsteady as you are, his mouth is slightly open, thinking of what to say.
“Hi,” you whisper tentatively.
“Good morning,” he politely replies. His eyes now smile slightly as he nods to you. You don’t miss how the light emanating from your bright room makes them shine. And he doesn’t miss how the light shining behind your figure makes you, in your white cotton sundress, look like an absolute angel.
“Good morning,” you repeat, giggling slightly, not knowing what else to say.
“Good morning,” he says again, lost and as giddy as you are.
“Oh wait— is the leader’s meeting here today?” Rick starts to nod and answers yes as you continue to speak, “I totally forgot! I’m sorry. I know I should be gone by now.”
He shakes his head, “It’s fine. I was just going to the bathroom.”
“Here? Was someone in the one downstairs?”
“Just wanted to be away from everyone when they came. Daryl and I came early so we started talking and I just- we didn’t see eye to eye on something. I needed a minute.”
You nod. That seems to be your signature when to talk to him. You hated it honestly. Often over-analyzing your words, worrying you’ll sound immature or stutter in front of him. “I'm sorry,” you tell him sympathetically. For a moment there is only silence which makes you worry he will go away, so without thinking, you ask: “I know you’re busy but, if you need a moment, maybe you would like to come in here instead?”
Rick freezes but then, inevitably agrees. As he enters, you close the door and quickly go to shut off the low playing stereo and rehang some of the dresses on your chair in the closet— you had been getting ready for the day. Rick goes to sit on the chair after you empty it but you stop him. You sit on the vertical side of your bed and guesture Rick to sit in the spot next to you, closer to the headboard. You wanted to sit next to him.
Rick doesn’t question this, maybe he wanted to be as close to you as you had, so as he sits, your thighs touch. You try not to move too much at the first contact. Still, the heat that starts to burn inside you makes you realize how much you’ve craved this. Can two weeks feel like a lifetime? It’s like you haven’t felt him in ages.
“What were you playing today?” He asks and you realize you eyes went straight to the area where yours and Rick’s legs touched. You know he noticed but still you try to answer normally.
“Selena. Rosita loves her. It’s one of her most famous songs: Amor Prohibido.”
He nods. “I probably wouldn’t understand a bit of it,” he laughs.
He would probably remember the singer from the news if you gave more context but you don’t. There is a silence that follows until you ask, “So,” starting slowly, “what’s wrong? Is Daryl aright?”
He doesn’t answer. His mouth is open as if he’s deciding what to say, but nothing comes out, so you continue, “You know, nothing is ever right in the world when Rick and Daryl fight. It makes me sad.”
The joke makes those lines at the sides of his eyes appear— a quiet laugh. “Well you know I’d never want to make you sad. Especially not you.” You two exchange a light smile while that heat rises fast to your heart. “We’ll be fine,” he finally says, but then he goes quiet again. Rick seems unsure if he wants to continue. He even looks at the door, wonders if the others have shown up yet, but— he knows he doesn’t want to leave. And even more, he knows he shouldn’t after ignoring you like some teenage boy. He decides to tell you what’s happening: “Daryl wants us to bring new people in. You know how he’s always going out there. But I think it’s way too soon.”
You hum agreeingly, but at the same time, you understand Daryl. “I think he just likes to give people what he never used to have,” you suggest.
“I know,” he nods a bit annoyedly; “and that’s a nice way to put it, but you know him, when he has his mind set on somethin’ he can be so damn stubborn. It’s frustrating. He won’t compromise or listen to anything.”
Endearingly, you try to withhold a laugh, your lisp pursing. Not only because when he says anything, it actually sounds like anythang, but because Rick sounds like he’s describing himself and he doesn’t even realize it.
“And,” he adds, pausing for a moment before he continues, scratching his beard. It looks as if maybe he shouldn’t tell you what he’s about to. His head hangs low to say: This is not information for everyone to know, okay? But the last time he went out there with Glenn, the reason Glenn’s arm is in a sling right now, is because they met a group, tried to bring them back and before they could make it even close to home, the group fought ‘em, tried to steal what they scavenged, and almost kill Glenn.”
You widen your eyes at the statement. You actually already knew this from Rosita, but that will stay between you two. All you feel is humbled that he felt he share it with you, despite it being a dark thing. It was a close call. Rick was right for being very cautious right now. “Wow,” is all you can get in before he speaks again.
“Imagine if we lost him. Fought this war with his wife and unborn baby at the time for nothing? So he couldn’t even meet him?” Rick shakes his head, and you notice his foot tapping lightly, making his knee bounce. This had happened a month ago now but it was obviously affecting him. “It was reckless and I told him that. That right now we need to be focusing on what’s inside these walls. People have only just started getting back to being comfortable now; to feeling like this is a home.”
Your eyes remain wide, “We did so much rebuilding you.”
“We did complete rebuilding.” He corrects, though not rudely. Shaking his head, he goes back to talking about Daryl: “I think I made it seem like what happened to Glenn was his fault. So not only were we arguing but I must’ve hurt him,” Rick realizes, “and now he definitely won’t be back today— maybe not even until next week.”
A silence hangs in the air after this; it seems he finished. Now, you know you should speak, but as the silence continues, you grow more unsure of what to say. Issues like these are things you’ve never dealt with. You didn’t want to say something stereotypical.
“I’m sorry I’m putting all this on you.”
“No, no,” you quickly console, trying to think. “Um, well,” you say, starting unsteadily, “this is probably going to sound stupid and not helpful. I don’t even remember the exact context or what was truly said so it might not make any sense either but, do you remember when I had my Oasis obsession? Earlier this year?”
“I do,” he laughs, turning his head over to your music table. His eyes scan any of the visible album titles to see if he can find it, but the print on most of them are too small. He turns back to you as you continue:
“This is going to sound a little far off but I think you and Daryl are like Liam and Noel.”
His eyebrows furrow, “Didn’t those two hate each other?”
“I mean, yes— but it’s much more complicated than that to me— but no, I don’t mean in that way. It just that there is this quote Noel says that I don’t remember exactly, but I really liked: he said that even though he wrote the music and Liam did the singing that Liam meant the words just as much as Noel did because they’re brothers and he wrote them. I thought that was beautiful, but…” you trail off.
He stays silent, trying to give you space to find your words but you feel like you’ve gone too far. It’s all pretty convoluted and not a true comparison to what’s going on that you’re even confusing yourself a little. “I think what I mean is that even though they have their different roles, they still feel very similar things and believe in the same purpose. I think that’s like you and Daryl. You two are so similar yet so different. But there’s still a binding force that always brings the two of you together. So, like I’m sure you already know and I didn’t even need to tell you, but you two will be okay. You two have different ways of doing things, but the music or the life you’re trying to create in Alexandria still has the same meaning to the both of you.” You laugh small and breathily as you end. “That probably didn’t make sense.”
Rick smiles to himself. “I didn’t get that first bit, with the quote, but no… that made a lot of sense to me.” He nods toward you and you return his smile. “You’re so bright. You know that? Not everyone knows how to stitch things together like that the way you do.”
This makes you feel good. Rick thought you were smart. You know you should say thank you, but instead, something else comes out: “May I, may I kiss you?”
“Yes,” he answers, almost stuttering it out, a hint of hesitation before he did, but he nods so kindly, so reassuringly as he tells you again: “yes.”
Your fingers touch his lower cheeks lightly, feeling the bristles of his beard. You’re slow, and careful, and scared. Your fingers linger on his jaw for a moment until they completely caress his right cheek and then you move in, swiftly— worried you’ll lose your confidence, worried he’ll change his mind. You catch his lower lip and seal the kiss. Your lips are locked for a few seconds until you retreat. It was nice, and exciting, but short. You knew you could have put your tongue in his mouth. You believe he would have let you because you remember when he did it last time, but you didn’t want to embarrass yourself by doing it wrong and once again reminding him how much you don’t know. But you’re sure giving him a grade school kiss like this one was enough of a reminder.
Your eyes roll down, chin low. Your cheeks are on fire and your hands do not know where to go so you start fiddling with the hem of your dress and then you laugh. You were trying to be courageous this time, and you were, but you also weren’t.
Rick grabs your left hand, holding it at the end of your thigh, “I liked that,” he says softly.
“You did?” You ask as softly as he, eyes meeting his.
A short, airy snicker comes out, “Mhm,” he hums, giving you a closed-mouth smile. He found you simply adorable.
“Can I… try it again?”
Rick pulls on your forearm, attempting to bring you closer to him. “Yeah,” he nods, voice gentle. “Do you want me to help?”
You nod before you speak, happily accepting, “Yes.”
He puts your hands on his shoulders. One of his grabs onto your waist and the other holds you lightly under your chin, adjusting your head to meet his lips. The first kiss he places holds just for a couple of moments as the one you gave him did, gentle but packed with longing. The next two are slow, pretty pecks that already have you melting at his touch, lips agape waiting for the next one. The fourth is the one where he brings his tongue into your mouth, carefully bringing it in quarter by quarter. He tastes the top of your mouth and tongue and you feel him as he slowly starts to explore how far you may like to go, but truly you become stagnant other than your hands that press into his shoulder. Luckily, Rick either doesn’t notice your hesitation or is already silently helping you as he takes the lead, pulling you closer by the hips and slipping his tongue in and out of your mouth to kiss you more. It makes you smile— the excitement of your first make-out session. You giggle, and then it makes him smile too and your teeth slightly bump into each other. Accidently you nip his lip because of it, making you pull back.
Your fingers hover over your lips as you impart a quiet apology but Rick just shakes his head giving you another quick kiss instead. He starts to move back on your bed, back pressed again the headboard and he tells you quietly, “Come here.”
You get up and sit higher up on the bed as well, calves folded under your thighs. He takes one of your legs and starts to put it over his as he asks, “Is this okay?”
You nod, vigor growing as you do it now, thrilled to sit on his lap. Your dress bunches around your hips and the tops of your thighs. You move closer to press your chest into his and you kiss him first again, another small one but with intent as you look at him afterward, feeling the scratch of his beard on your fingertips as you smile at him, in awe that this is happening.
“You want to try this time?”
“Uh,” he means you put your tongue in his mouth this time, but you’re afraid to do it wrong but you know you want to say yes so you do, “Yes, okay.”
So he brings you in again and you kiss him. He mouth opens a little and you try to bring your tongue in slightly but you teeth clash. “Sorry,” and quickly he responds that it’s okay and rubs your cheek, telling you to just open your mouth a little wider, no teeth, let your tongue go on top of his.
You try it. Your tongues meet again, licking each other tips before you slowing press in more, your chest touching his as you try to close the gap.
Rick starts slowly rocking your hips against his and he takes control of the kiss again. It helps you not think, you like it. And you like the feeling of that incoming tight bulge starting to form under his jeans, but then you let go. “Wait,” you say, “I like this.” You pause for a moment, confusing him more as to why you stopped. “But… there is something I wanted to ask you.”
“Okay,” his hand stay fixed on your hips and waist, rubbing soothily, “What it is?”
Another pause. “I feel nervous,” you whisper.
“You have no reason to be, sweetheart. You can ask me anything.”
You laugh, smiling as you look off to the side. Anythang.
He smiles too, although unknowingly to what you found funny. His head tilts as he tries to find your gaze and turn it towards him again.
“Well, the last time we were together here you taught me how to do something. You taught me how to pleasure myself better so,” you stutter, “I want to pleasure you. If that’s okay. And I was wondering if you’d teach me how- to touch you here.” You remove yourself from straddling him and point in the direction of his cock.
Instantly he feels a stir of his already hardening dick.
This is not how he expected things to go this time. Or truly, he didn’t expect any of this at all, but when you asked to kiss him he decided he would be gentle, more giving. It felt like you wanted him to take again, the exact thing he was trying not to do. “I feel like I took advantage of you last time.”
“Rick…” you shake your head. “I’m the one who didn’t close the door all the way. You asked if it was okay and then you asked if you could go faster. I said yes to everything…” You start to worry— is he second guessing everything now?—“I feel maybe we remember this differently.” You bow your head again now. Feeling ashamed, wondering if he did.
Rick places one hand on your knee to comfort you although he still says, “It’s just that I’ve never done something like this before.” His thumb sways on your skin. “I just don’t want you to end up feeling like you’re wasting your time. Your first times.”
You’re surprised, “It’s so funny how you can be so self-assured in front of a crowd and now you don’t think you’re good enough.” You take his hand and press it towards your chest. Your heart was racing. “I like you. So much.” You swallow as he says your name softly, realizing how fast your heart was going. “No one in town is truly ever mean to me or anything, and Rosita has been so kind with letting me move in with her and we talk and its nice but, you know— she has her flings and her friendships that are separate from mine and everyone just always seems like they have their person and I just don’t. I don’t have my person, or any person.” You remove your hands from your chest but Rick still holds onto it, squeezing your hand as you start speaking again. “You’re kind, Rick, and you make me excited, and you remember things about me… “ If your face could get any hotter, it does, “And, well, you’re very handsome. If you could teach me again, I would like that.”
God… Rick was trying to be a romantic yet you were so adamant on getting him off. He laughed inwardly, shaking his head, deciding that the best way to handle this situation— and make up for some of his guilt as he was trying to— would be to give you the thing you say you want and not what he thinks you want. Suppose that’s one for widower’s wisdom.
Decidedly, Rick gets up from the bed, giving you a once over, still admiring how adorable, and how sexy, you look to him with your feet under your lap, hands on your knees as you look up at him from the bed and your white dress. He starts undoing his shirt buttons. “Remember when I did this the first time?”
A smirk came on, there’s the Rick you remember. Blue eyes intense, and voice getting cocky as he gets ready to give you what you need, what he knows you only want from him.
“Yes,” you say quiet yet with budding excitement. You start going for the hem of your dress, “Should I start taking this off too?”
“Mm, stay like that.” He’s taking off his belt. “Thought you looked beautiful in it right when I saw you.”
Your thighs squeeze together slightly. Rick Grimes was undressing before you, for you, and calling you smart and beautiful all the while.
As Rick lowers his boxers, his cock springs up. He returns to his spot on the bed, back leaning against the headboard. All of a sudden he seems to truly recognize that he is the only one exposed. He would tell you what to do, guide you, but in a small way, in a way you probably didn’t realize, you were in control. It seems that each time this happens— although it’s only been twice— and each time he talks to you— which has been plenty— you steal a little more of Rick’s heart and he just can’t stop it.
“So,” he clears his throat, your eager eyes on his cock making him twitch, “you usually just wrap your hand around, start from the base and keep pumping up.” He shakes his head, “there’s not too much too it but it’s best to keep your hand light at the start, you—”
You nod quickly, “May I?”
As he nods back you, “Yes.” And as he says it you’re already licking your hand.
“Is it okay if I spit? That helps right? Or is that nasty to you?”
He’s caught off guard, “No, no, that helps.”
So you do and you place your hand lightly at the base as he said and you start to pump. Instantly, he lets out a gasp, and the next noises that follow are repressed grunts and groans. You want to ask him to stop doing that but you’re a little scared to speak up that way just yet and you’re too engrossed in how you can see the light veins of green and blue on him and how he’s so red at the tip. It was honestly exciting. Just this, touching him with your hand, staring at his member and watching him twitch as his mouth opens to pant lightly. It still felt unreal but you liked it and you were happy to learn. You start to pump him more towards the top, placing your thumb on his slit- pressing in. His abs clench at that. You push in a little harder and you squeeze your fist around him a little— testing it out to see what happens—and he groans, unadulterated this time, “oh, fuck.”
The heel of your foot that’s under your lap pushes into your center at that.
You start pumping faster. “Am I doing good, Rick?”
Hearing your voice sets him off, “Fuck, sweetheart. Yes.” He’s honestly choking out each of his words, he didn’t expect to get so turned on by all of this. He realizes the last time he had sex was with you that first time, and before that… he can’t even remember. “You’re doing an amazing job.”
As you pump, you start to slow down, only doing it shallowly towards his base. You’re feeling confident and you kiss the side of him, licking a fat stripe up to the top and then you pump him fully again.
“Oh, fuck, yeah,” he breathes out. He wants to tell you to slow down but it comes out of nowhere, he stutters before he can even speak. An unintelligible groan mixed with a moan comes out abrupt and louder than he intends and white spurts of liquid come out.
You go faster for a few moments, then start to slow down, a little unsure of what is best to do, but you notice when you start squeezing him a little more as you continue to pump up and more whiteness fall out from inside of him.
“Did I, make you come?”
“Yeah,” he says, huffing.
“I did?” your cheekbones rise as you ask with awe— it was another first for the books.
Rick’s tries to let his embarrassment fade, he can tell you were just excited about it, but still, he looks down and to the side, avoiding direct eye contact— almost like you typically would. You peer at him, almost nervously because of it. Rick is usually the confident one. “Doesn’t always happen that fast,” he explains.
“Well before a month ago I didn’t know how to make myself come so I wouldn’t know,” you say with self-deprecating assurance. You had heard from the girls in town that it was easier to make men orgasm. You already had it in your head as something not to judge. You wonder how hard he must have been restraining himself the first time he placed himself inside you, or if it just happened to be easier for him that time around. “I didn’t expect I could do it or anything really. I thought it was…” you smile while giggling, “interesting.”
“A good interesting I hope.”
“Very,” you assure. “I liked it.” You kiss his cheek as you take some wipes that are by your night stand and you start cleaning him up. He doesn’t tell you that you don’t have to; he helps along with you.
“You sure you’ve never done any of this before?”
You shake your head. “I just read fiction books.”
He smiles to himself, a quiet snort of laughter leaving his nose. You always surprise him.
When you two are done cleaning, he puts his boxers back on. Quickly, he is on the bed again and starts to kissing you. Rick holds your shoulder and pushes you down. Finally, it’s time for his redemption, he feels. It was your turn to be pleasured. Just like he wanted to do from the beginning.
Rick kisses down your neck to your collarbone, and the parts of your exposed chest and he pushes your dress up past your hips. His lips move back up to yours, kissing you more before saying, “I really wanna show you something sweetheart.” He presses his thumb into your clit over your underwear. “Can I kiss you down there? Have you ever had that before?”
You shake your head slowly, eyes wide. “I-” you start nodding your head, “-I would really like that.” And in such a small voice you add, “Please.”
Rick kisses your cheek. Deep and softly he breathlessly tells you, “I would love to.”
Rick moves his head lower and gives you slow kisses over your underwear from your mound to the end of your lips. He starts to drag your panties over your legs and once they’re gone he kisses up your thighs. Then his nose rubs and sways ever so lightly on your lips. He breathes in and it makes you shutter. Your heart is going crazy again. Finally, he licks upward. One long and languid stripe ending with a kiss to your clit and then he truly begins.
Tongues are wet and sticky and everything you ever dreamed of. Your eyes roll back instantly from that first lick and kiss. You remember a time when you started touching yourself that you used to never think of receiving oral. You thought it was scary, nasty, that you wouldn’t like it until the moment you thought about it as a million kisses on your most sensitive lips, or someone liking you so much that they’d get drenched by your wetness just to touch you, to taste you. After that, you thought about it all the time and now it was finally happening– someone needing you so much they just had to know what you taste like. Here he was: kissing, licking, sucking, not caring about how he looks but only how you feel— you now knew what it was like to be desired.
Rick presses his tongue flat on your clit, rubbing deep circles. His eyes are open, looking up at how your mouth opens wider and wider. You let out little whimpers, enamored by his tongue, still deciding if you like the scratch of his beard, but your eyes stay glued to the ceiling, scared to look at the scene below.
He gives you kitten licks in between speaking, “Look down. Don’t miss your first time.”
Your eyes go down slowly, watching as he gives open mouth kisses to your clit and right lip, tilting his head. He stays there for a moment, hearing your short and breathy pants, kissing and licking your clit and lower lips like they were the ones above your chin. His eye contact sends bursts of sticky wet fluid down your hole and you release a whimpered moan, they’re always sp short and soft and high pitched. He can tell you like it but he can also see you’re nervous. You don’t trust yourself, you know it, and he’s starting to realize it too. You’re scared of completely letting go.
He peppers kisses to your clit before moving upward, his tongue rolling and mouth kissing from your lower stomach to your breasts till his face reaches yours again. “No one’s here,” he tells you. He then kisses your lips allowing you to taste yourself for the first time. “Relax,” he whispers, rolling out each syllable. He holds your chin with one hand while he inserts a finger into your hole with the other, his pointer is instantly drenched and you shudder at the feeling. His single calloused finger reminds you of the time he was last inside you. He pumps slowly, looking into your eyes as he speaks, “Don’t think about who could come downstairs.”
“What if Rosita or Daryl come back?”
“What if?” He says it so simply as if he’s ready for everyone to know. Truly, that would be an issue, but right now it was not about him and it was completely about you; he wanted to give. It was short-sighted, reckless, yes, but… you were just so pretty, so bright, so insightful, and he felt like he needed to make up for all the taking he did last time, of your first time. Rosita had went to run after Daryl, hopefully no one was here anyway. But again, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. “Lay back,” he gently commands, “forget what I said before- close your eyes. Just give in to it. Like I’m the only one who's here.”
Rick licks zig zag stripes down your slit and then he decides to insert his tongue in your hole. He goes as deep as his tongue allows, collecting your wetness and trying to swallow it in moments when he turns back to kissing. He his nose is brushing and rubbing up against your clit as he sucks wetness from down below and you start letting out stringy moans you can’t control. Soft, pretty, and continuous, “uh, ah, uh, uh” that turn into “sorry, I’m sorry.” You’re still self-conscious about your own noises. This was still only the second time you’ve heard the sounds you make when someone else is fucking you.
But Rick shushes you. Giving small kisses to your clit as he looks up at you, seeing your scrunched eyes and open mouth. “I like knowing you like it, pretty girl. I like all those pretty sounds you’re making.”
Your pussy tightens around nothing at that phrase.
“Keep going. You don’t have to be shy.” He grabs your chin and you look down at him. His beard is wet. “We’ve already made a mess anyway.”
He starts kissing your labias, licking up wetness when you decide to ask, nervously, “Can you make sounds too?”
Instantly, Rick goes again to kiss your clit, humming into it as he sucks. Breathing against you he says, “Want me to tell you I like it, sweetheart?” His tongue slides down again, tongue reaching into your hole and he moans into your pussy.
Your back arches and you mewl, you could almost scream.
That’s it, he thinks. Rick keeps humming and groaning into you now. His voice is so seductive. “I love tasting your pussy, baby.”
You couldn’t breathe.
Rick starts rubbing your clit with his thumb and going fast with his tongue in your hole “My bright, pretty girl gonna come for me? Hm?”
“Oh, Rick, I want to. Please, Rick.”
Rick starts to go faster and your brain turns to mush. Only noises coming out and when he stops his tongue movements to say something more you push his head down. “Sorry,” you say. You’ve never been forceful before but he says nothing, just continues going down on you and taking his free hand to place it over his, gesturing that he wants your hands in his hair. You tug on his curls and he grunts into you. You start chanting his name and then he switches to placing his lips on your clit and putting two fingers in your pussy. It reminded you of the first time but instead of your three fingers they were two of his and it felt so much better than you ever knew before, better than you could ever do it yourself. It sets you off. Your eyes shut tighter if they could. “Rick! Oh my god,” you moan and then again and again and then you come.
Rick laps at your cunt, vigorously trying to wipe you clean. He makes it look like it will be the last and only time. It makes you worry but at the same time he looks so sexy like that; needy for you even after you finished.
He takes your wipes and cleans his lips before cleaning you up as you did for him. He kisses you thighs and your lips and your cheeks as he continues. “You did such a good job,” he says. “You always do.”
You’re filled with pride at that. “Thank you.” Then worry sets in. You realize how public you’ve made everything. “Did I just ruin your life?”
He laughs while caressing your thigh. That anxious expression of yours that he just got rid of returns after all the work he did.
“I’m gonna check downstairs. Okay? If they’re there, they’re there.” You nod. We already made a mess anyway, you remember him saying. “They might want to start the meeting when I go down so, whatever happens, happens alright? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Your eyes are still nervous, but it’s all too late anyway. “Okay,” you respond.
“Okay,” he says back, kissing you once more. As he dresses himself again, he tells you, “I promise I won’t wait two weeks to see you again.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too,” he says as a send off and goes into the bathroom to clean his face.
When he reaches the living room, there is no one. Rick is thankful but confused.
As he nears the coffee table there is a sheet of yellow lined legal pad with a talkie next to it.
Call when you’re done, it reads.
“Rosita?” He questions into the device. Who else could it have been, right?
He can almost hear the grin on her face. “They should start calling you Reckless Rick for all the agony you put these Alexandria girls through.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “There’s just something about that stupid hair cowboy accent, I guess.”
Before he can respond, telling her that it’s absurd to think of him as a playboy, that he was far from it, she continues:
“So, fucking my roommate? You’re glad Glenn and Maggie called everyone over to theirs instead. Hershel took his first steps while you were teaching someone else how to take theirs.”
She unpressed the button to suppress her laughter. “Just get over here,” she concludes, putting down the walkie and going back to meet the rest of the group with a perfect poker face. She tells everyone Rick will be here shortly.
Oh, Alexandria’s leader and her new little best friend who has been hearing the townswomen’s fantasies of him for years: Reckless Rick and his reckless romantic girl.
Rosita would give you so much shit for this when she gets home.
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andvys · 6 months ago
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Dancing with our hands tied | S.H.
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Chapter fifteen ⭐︎ I thought the plane was going down, how’d you turn it right around?
Warnings: slight angst, fluff, a lot of fluff, alcohol consumption, clingy!reader, drunk!reader
Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader
Summary: Steve gets to know a side of you, you have never shown him before, and he takes the final step towards realization.
Word count: 10k+
Author’s note: SO @hellfire--cult and I have been waiting for this chapter (and especially for the next one). I'm so happy that we're finally here, and as always I'm giving a special shoutout to my lovely Roe, who not only helped with ideas but also wrote the whole last paragraph, the drive home and all the fluff at Steve's house. Give her all the love she deserves ♡ ilysm roe thank youuuu
Series Masterlist ⭐︎ Previous Chapter ⭐︎ Next Chapter
Red, white and blue colors flash before your eyes, everywhere you look as you walk through the grocery store with Max. You can’t even bear to look at the holiday themed snacks and decorations on the shelves. All week, people have been preparing for a holiday, you used to love, now it’s nothing but a reminder of what you lost – of what Max lost. 
You avoided going to Big Buy’s all week, for this exact reason. 
But now you were the one who offered to go inside, when Eddie was the one who wanted to get the pre-drinks, you don’t even know why you did it, maybe it was to get away from Dustin’s and Lucas’s banter, or maybe you just wanted to prepare yourself for something much bigger. 
The Fun Fair takes place this year, just as it did, last year. And you friends wanted to celebrate the Fourth of July there. You don’t mind, you really don’t, but every place you turn today, reminds you of a dear friend you lost. 
Max walks beside you quietly. She looks around with heavy eyes and tension in her shoulders, she’s fidgeting with the bracelet that Lucas gifted to her, and keeps her eyes on the ground. 
You didn’t say anything yet, not wanting to trigger any more sadness. You’re surprised that she even offered to go inside with you, she could’ve waited and stayed with the guys, but she didn’t. 
“This day sucks.” 
These are the first words she spoke out loud, ever since you stepped inside the store.
“Yeah,” you mumble, quietly, not knowing what to say, because all you can think about is Billy, and how he died on this exact day, one year ago, when you were still so unaware of the dark truth that lied beneath this town, when you thought that it was the fire that killed him and not one of Vecna’s creatures. 
You weren’t even there, but thinking about it makes you sick and angry. You can’t even imagine what Max must’ve felt like that night. Or what she is feeling now. 
When you stop in the drink aisle, you look around for the beer Eddie asked for, but instead your eyes fall on the one brand that Billy always used to buy. Sometimes he’d bring a six pack over and leave some cans in your fridge for some other time, you are pretty sure that there are still two leftover cans hidden behind all the other drinks in your fridge. 
A sigh falls from your lips, “yeah, it does.” 
She glances at you, sadness settling into her features, when she sees the way your eyes fill with grief. 
“Billy would roll his eyes at us, right now,” she mumbles, trying to crack a joke. 
A small chuckle escapes you, and you turn to look at her with a weak smile on your face, “yes, he would.” 
She purses her lips as she looks at the beer, “are you gonna let me drink tonight?” 
You scrunch your nose, and shake your head, “are you crazy?” You scoff, as you step forward and reach for the beers, Eddie asked for, and the ones Billy would have gotten for himself. “How about you turn twenty one first, and then I’ll let you drink.” 
Max laughs at you and rolls her eyes. 
“You’re not even twenty one, and you’re drinking – oh! And buying the beers with a fake ID probably!” 
“Shush,” you wave your hand at her when an employee walks past you, giving you both a weird look. 
“I’m very close to twenty one,” you whisper. 
“You’re not even twenty yet–”
“I’m turning twenty, this year. Now stop arguing with me, and get yourself a coke or something.”
Max groans at you, “fine,” she murmurs as she follows you, “why are you even getting any drinks now when you can buy some at the Fair?”
“I’m pretty sure that Eddie doesn’t want to buy any of those overpriced drinks that taste like absolute shit.” 
She snorts, “he shouldn’t even be drinking, he’s driving.” 
“Don’t worry, he’ll walk you all home if he gets drunk.” 
Her jaw drops, and annoyance flashes in her eyes, “are you serious–”
You laugh at the look on her face, shaking your head at her, “I’m just kidding, when does Eddie ever get drunk?” You chuckle, “he’ll have one beer tops, no more, he’ll sober up till then, and if not then uh… Steve will drive you home.”
“Okay,” she sighs, as the momentarily amusement leaves her face again, and the sadness begins to sink back in, making you much more aware of your own. 
“Hey, Max?” 
She turns back to you, and raises her eyebrows in question. 
“If you feel overwhelmed at some point, you can find me and we can leave, at any time, okay?” 
She smiles a little and nods her head. 
“Okay,” she whispers, “same goes for you, if you want to leave, I’ll go with you.” 
“Okay,” you smile at her, “now let’s go pay for these and get out of here,” you mumble as you gesture to the beer in your hands. 
You feel relief rushing through you once you are out of the busy store again. The golden evening sun hits your skin, still blessing it with warmth, the air around you smells like summer, like fresh cut grass, hot pavement and honeysuckle. The wind kisses your skin and blows through your hair, it’s warm yet refreshing, it feels nice. 
“Did you buy that for me?” Dustin grins at you, pointing at the beers when you get into the passenger seat. 
Eddie glares at him through the rearview mirror. 
“Very funny, Dusty Bun.”
Lucas laughs at the nickname, nudging his shoulder against Dustin’s, “Dusty Bun,” he cackles, wiggling his brows. 
“Shut up, dude.” 
“You kids are too young to even think about trying beer,” you glare at the three teens in the back, most specifically at Lucas, who’s had some before. 
His smile falls a little, and he clears his throat, “that was one time.”
“Yeah, it better stay that way,” you point at him. 
Max snorts at the glare on your face. 
“Yes, mom.”
Eddie and Dustin chuckle. 
Your jaw drops, and you furrow your brows at the teen who is squished between Max and Dustin. 
“You act like a mom sometimes!” Lucas raises his hands up in surrender, shrugging at you. 
“No, I don’t!” 
“Yeah, you do, you’re mama bear,” Eddie snorts, making Dustin laugh louder. 
“Yeah, you’re not fooling us with your grumpy act.” 
You squint your eyes at the curly head, who is grinning happily at you. 
“Just accept it, Sweetheart,” Eddie chuckles, “you’re the mom of the group.”
“No, I only joined this group a few months back, there has to be a different mom–”
“Oh no, we only had single dad Steve,” Lucas giggles, wiggling his eyebrows at you, “but we got a mom and a dad now, so…” 
The smug look on his face, and the teasing in his eyes, isn’t exactly hard to miss. You know exactly what he is going at, what he has been going at for the past few months now. 
Sometimes, you can’t help but wonder if he somehow knows about your feelings for Steve, if he always knew about them, or if he is simply just teasing and still in the dark about everything. 
You are good at hiding your feelings, you always have been, no one ever found out about your feelings for Steve unless you wanted them to, but if there is someone who you wouldn’t underestimate, then it’s definitely Lucas, he is too smart for his own good, sometimes.
Eddie snorts beside you, mumbling, “mommy and daddy.” 
You elbow him, into his side, earning a groan from him. 
“That wasn’t very nice!” Eddie grumbles as he shoots you a glare, and presses his hand against his stomach. 
“Don’t be so dramatic, Edward.” 
He squints his eyes at you. 
“Who is Eddie then?” Dustin asks. 
“He’s the cool uncle,” Lucas shrugs. 
“Damn right, now stop yapping,” Eddie mumbles as he takes a look over his shoulder, “are you ready to throw up Hot Dogs after going on the roller coaster?” 
All three of them groan in disgust, scrunching up their faces, making him laugh. 
You shake your head at him when he starts laughing. 
“You’re such a menace.” 
Eddie only chuckles at you, he starts the car and turns up the music, and he rolls down the windows before he speeds out of the parking lot. 
You embrace the moments of peace before the chaos of the fair hits you, screaming children, crowds of people, and the overwhelming smell of food on every corner are something you are not looking forward to despite the hollowness in your stomach. You couldn’t get anything down the past few days, you nearly threw up this morning when you walked into the diner with Eddie, and the smell of Bacon hit you. 
The wind weaves through your hair as Eddie drives down the main road. 
The sound of music distracts you from your sad thoughts. 
The thought of him, filling your heart with life and your soul with hope.
He grounds you in your worst moments, and he doesn’t even know it.
-
The fairground is alive with music and screaming children, the sound of the roller coasters moving, conversations and laughter from every corner. The dazzling lights are a stark contrast against the dark sky, the smell of food wafts through the air. 
Robin and Vickie are standing next to Steve, giggling about something as they sip on their mixed beers. He is looking around, trying to catch sight of you, but you are nowhere to be found, and he is beginning to worry. 
Max and El had dragged you away for a roller coaster ride, but that was over an hour ago, and he hasn’t seen you ever since. 
Max had warned him before, when she reminded him of what this day means to you, of what happened a year back, of what and who you had lost. 
Steve doesn’t know how you deal with grief, how you feel on these kinds of days, there are too many of them in your life. He doesn’t know how you cope, he wishes that he could be there for you and give you a shoulder to lean on – but you aren’t very good at showing your true feelings or emotions, he only saw a glimpse of the truth that you hide behind those high walls you built around yourself and he doubts that you would come to him for comfort. 
A dreadful feeling is gnawing in his chest the more time passes without you being seen. 
“Hey Dingus, we’re going on the Ferris Wheel,” Robin nudges his shoulder, grinning at him. 
He blinks, tearing his eyes away from the crowds, he nods at his best friend. 
“Sure, have fun.” 
Robin furrows her brows as she takes in the sight of his frown, “are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he murmurs and plasters a smile on his face, “go and have fun with your girl.” 
She hesitates, her smile becoming weaker now, “you should go find Eddie or Dustin.”
“Yeah, I will, in a second.” 
“Your feet are not glued to the ground are they?” Vickie asks, chuckling. 
“Yeah, you’ve been stuck in this spot for like thirty minutes now!” Robin exclaims as she points her ringed finger at him, eyeing the way he is leaning against the wall with tension in his body. 
Steve chuckles, and brings his hand up to the side of his face, cupping his cheek for a moment, “I’m just looking out for the kids.”
Robin snorts, though she gives him a suspicious look. 
“Ah, but they’re not around,” she says, tilting her head as she gestures to all the strangers that surround the field, instead of the teens. 
“I told them I’d be here if they needed anything,” he shrugs and waves his hand at her, “now go and have your kiss on the top of the Ferris Wheel.” 
Robin slaps his shoulder, her cheeks taking on a deep red color, as Vickie giggles behind her. 
He chuckles at her, wiggling his brows and smirking at his best friend. 
Robin rolls her eyes and turns away from him, she offers her hand out to the redhead, who reaches for it, though with a blush on her cheeks and a shy smile on her lips. 
“See you later, Dingus,” Robin waves at Steve, not giving him the chance to respond before she drags her girl away and pushes through the crowds with her. 
Steve’s eyes follow them until he can no longer see them as they get lost in the midst of the chaos. Laughing children run around, chasing each other, a group of teenage boys carrying drinks they shouldn’t be allowed to buy, two young women walk past him, giggling amongst themselves as they eye him with interest in their eyes, Steve pays no mind to them, not even bothering to spare them a look despite the very obvious glances he is getting, even as they had already passed him. 
His eyes follow a different sight and his ears perk up at the sound of giggles that sound like yours, his lips twitch at the sound and his heart flutters wildly in his chest. 
He pushes himself off the tree he is leaning against and turns to look around. Steve’s hazel eyes soften the moment he finally sees you. 
You are standing in a circle with Eddie and his bandmates who all keep pestering you over something. Eddie leans closer to you and pinches your cheek, while Gareth jumps around you like some hyper puppy, his curls bouncing and his face flickering with amusement when you keep waving your hand at him. 
Steve smiles at the giggle that falls from your lips when Eddie swats your hand away after you ruffle his curls. 
He watches the way your lips move as you stare at him with a smug look on your face, saying something to him that makes him clutch his chest and gasp dramatically. 
Steve shakes his head as the metalhead lunges at you and you squeal in surprise before you turn around and run off with a giggle, bolting into the crowd with Eddie and Gareth hot on your heels, while Jeff and Grant follow the three of you slowly, shaking their heads in amusement.
Surprise lingers inside of him, Steve had never seen you so playful before, he had never witnessed you letting loose and having genuine fun. You are always on guard, always hiding away behind your brooding act that is slowly becoming less and less visible. 
Something has changed, something in your behavior has shifted in the past few weeks. You seem happier, you seem to smile more, you seem to be kinder to the people around you. 
Your walls are still up, but the foundation has begun to crumble, just like his did. 
You let him see a glimpse of something he never thought was even there, he saw your vulnerable side and your soft one, he saw how lovingly you treated your baby niece, he saw how sweet and gentle you could be – he saw the real you and it only made him weaker than ever before. 
There was always a part of him that left him feeling weak whenever he was with you – it wasn’t a bad kind of weak, but it was one that scared him. 
It doesn’t scare him anymore. 
He embraces the weakness now. 
Something, someone crashes into his chest, making him stumble back from the force, when he looks down, he finds you staring up at him, with your arms now wrapped around his waist and a softened look in your eyes as a smile rests on your lips. The dazzling, colorful lights from the rollercoaster and the ferris wheel only brighten the color of your eyes, making him get lost in them so easily. 
He feels your arms around his torso, and your hands on his back, your chest is now pressed against his and if he didn’t know any better, he’d say that the look in your eyes is a dreamy one as they look into his. 
The warmth in his chest blooms, the smile on his lips grows bigger, something in his stomach flutters when you stand on your tippy toes and remind him of the height difference between the two of you. 
“Hi Stevie,” you say softly. 
He would be lying if he said, he isn’t caught off guard by the tone in your voice and the look in your eyes, by your arms that are wrapped around him and your body that is pressed against his, so tightly and intimately, despite all the eyes that could see. 
“Hi Blondie,” he smiles as he slowly wraps his arms around you and acts on his feelings, when he brings you closer. 
The smell of your perfume is intoxicating and it does nothing to weaken the fluttering in his stomach. You smell like the cotton candy that you had shared with Max earlier and the beer you probably had been drinking all night, which is surprising, considering how much you despise the bitter taste of beer. 
“I missed you.” 
His eyes widen in surprise, and his eyebrows shoot up, the fluttering in his stomach now growing even stronger than before. 
You woke up in each other's arms this morning, you even sat at the kitchen table and drank your morning coffee together before you left to meet up with Eddie. 
But you missed him. 
You missed him, like he missed you.
Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, or maybe not – he hopes not. 
“Yeah?” He whispers. 
You nod, your eyes flicker to his lips, before they move back up, to meet his. 
“I missed you too, Blondie.”
He nearly crumbles when your smile grows even bigger and a blush creeps up on your face, a breathy, small giggle falls from your lips. And then, you surprise him once again, when you bury your face in his chest and hug him tightly. 
His heart rate picks up and his breathing becomes heavy from all the emotions inside of him. 
He certainly never met this side of you before,and he never even knew that you could become much softer than what he had already seen of you. 
Without looking around to make sure that you are away from prying eyes, he wraps his arms tighter around you, and hugs you in a way he wanted to all night. 
Confusion, adoration and happiness floods through him, all at once. 
Here he thought that this day would bring out some darkness in you, that you would hide in a corner and try to drink away your sorrows but instead the alcohol in your system brought something else out in you. 
As Steve holds you in the middle of the fairground and you slide your palm over his chest, resting your hand above the place where his heart beats strongly, he feels himself falling into your embrace, losing all his vision of the people and the things before him, losing all the sounds around him, no longer feeling the ground beneath his feet – all he sees is you, all he hears is the beating of his own heart, all he feels is you, only you. 
And as though, it didn’t hit him hard enough already, you place your chin on his chest and you tilt your head up to look at him, giving him a sweet smile, “kissy?” You ask, puckering your lips. 
He could melt into a puddle, right then and there. 
Despite not wanting to, he lets his eyes roam the space around you, making sure that none of your friends are watching, before he leans in to place a kiss on your lips – one that is way too quick for your liking, the pout that follows your puckered lips makes his heart burst. 
You look at him with literal puppy eyes, glinting with a pleading look. 
He almost doesn’t recognize you – you are not the Blondie that he saw a few hours back, but he is not complaining in the slightest, he really likes this side of you. 
Cupping your cheeks, he rests his large palms against your skin, his fingertips getting lost in your hair as he leans down to kiss you again, smacking his lips against yours, he delivers a loud kiss, one that makes you giggle when he pulls away again and looks down at you with a lazy smile on his face. 
“How much did you drink?” Steve asks, chuckling when you keep staring at him with a big smile. 
“Just a little bit,” you slur, and raise your hand to show him as you furrow your brows and hold your thumb and pointer finger into an L shape, “so much.” 
He laughs as he tucks your hair behind your ears, “alright.”
“I want something else now.” 
“What, more alcohol?” Steve asks, raising his brows. 
You shake your head, scrunching up your nose in a way that makes him smile as he looks at you adoringly.
“No, I think I had too much already.”
“Yeah, I think so too, honey,” he murmurs, the nickname rolling off his tongue easily, almost normal, “you don’t feel sick, do you?” 
“No, just thirsty.” 
“Alright, let’s get you something to drink then,” he says, unable to stop smiling, when you look at him this way. He moves his hands away from your face and he reaches for your hand, sliding his palm against your own, he entwines his fingers with yours, and you welcome his action, happily. 
Steve isn’t drunk, he didn’t have a single sip of alcohol this evening, not a single drag of Argyle’s joint and yet, he feels as though he is under the influence of something strong, his mind is in a haze, that careless and freeing feeling lingers in his chest, happiness and giddiness rushes through him and he feels as though he is floating with you. 
He can’t even find it in himself to care if anyone sees him with you like this – smiling at each other, hugging and kissing one another, holding hands, and acting like a couple. He knows your friends are here, but Steve just doesn’t give a damn – not even when Heidi walks past him with her friends and they all look at you weirdly. 
He hears the hushed whispers, he sees the squinted eyes as they look you up and down and their eyes fall on your entwined fingers. He pays no mind to the way they look at him, but irritation sparks at him when they keep staring at you. He can see the judgment, and the jealousy, it’s so obvious. 
Steve holds back the eyeroll and he grasps your hand tighter as he begins to drag you away from the prying eyes and the whispers of envy. He would rather kiss you and flip them off but he cannot risk this, he can’t risk you two getting caught. Rumors would circulate, words would get twisted and it would only be a matter of time until all your friends would find out. 
And he isn’t ready to get caught, he isn’t ready to lose this, to lose you. 
He glances down at you, seeing the smile that didn’t leave your face just yet. You are unaware to all the eyes on you, to the looks you were given, you are still holding onto his hand as tight as before, stepping closer to him when a group of boys rush past you. 
You turn to him and raise your head to glance at him, shooting him a sweet smile as you squeeze his hand, causing his heart to flutter and his smile to reappear. 
You are so cute like this. 
He pulls you closer and shields you from anyone who brushes past you as you walk through the crowd together, getting lost in the chaotic field, where the music is louder and the people are too. 
Steve looks around, trying to catch sight of the teens or Eddie and his bandmates but he only sees the town people that he couldn’t care less about while you follow him like some lost puppy, clinging to his side and looking up with big eyes, every few seconds or so. 
You both get in line at the drink stall, your hands are still joined, fingers entwined and arms still pressed together. You stumble into him, prompting him to hold you a little tighter. 
“I’m sorry,” you slur as you reach your free hand up to grab his arm. 
“It’s fine,” he chuckles at you, adoring you a little more and more as the seconds pass. 
You are drunk – not tipsy, not slightly drunk, no, you are genuinely and definitely drunk. And as he stands here with you, eying you closely and watching the way you keep looking up at him with your widened pupils and your lazy smiles, he realizes that he had never actually witnessed you being drunk – high and tipsy? Sure. But never drunk. 
“Why’d you drink so much, Blondie?” 
“I didn’t even drink that much,” you shrug, “I’m just not used to drinking that beer.”
Steve raises his brows, knowing how much you despise the taste of regular beer. You only drink it when it’s mixed with something. 
“What kind of beer?” 
You furrow your eyebrows, your eyes flash with confusion, you seemingly can’t remember the name of it. 
You look down and your eyes widen when you find a discarded can on the grass, you point your finger at it, “that one.”
Steve’s eyes follow your gaze and the direction your finger is pointing at, he raises his eyebrows again. 
“You don’t even like beer that much,” he mumbles and turns back to you. 
“Billy did,” you shrug. 
Oh. 
His features relax again and his shoulders slump a little, realization flickers in his eyes. 
You didn’t drink for fun, you were trying to forget about the sadness and the grief that must’ve lingered all day. 
He is surprised that the alcohol didn’t have a negative effect on you. Drinking while feeling sad can worsen those emotions, the alcohol can transform them into a darker sadness or even into anger and despair. 
But you seem fine, happy even. 
If only he knew that he is the reason for it. 
“The fireworks are about to start,” you say, pulling him out of his thoughts. 
He blinks. 
“Yeah,” Steve nods. 
“Do you want to watch them with me?” 
His heart skips a beat at the softness in your voice, at the hopeful look in your eyes and the sweet smile on your lips. 
Of course he does. 
“Yeah,” he smiles, nodding. “I’d love to.”
Your eyes crinkle as you beam at him, stealing his breath away with simple reactions like these. 
Steve is not even sure if anyone had ever looked at him this way, no one has ever even made him feel this way, no one had ever stolen his breath away just from simply looking at him the way you do now. 
You take him by surprise when you stand on your tippy toes and lean closer to him to place a kiss on his cheek, leaving him a blushing mess. 
Your giggle sounds like music to his ears, your touch drives him crazy as you squeeze yourself against him and lay your head on his chest as your arms come around his torso again. 
He could fall to his knees right here, right now. 
Is this the real you? 
Is this the side you’ve been hiding from the world? 
Is this the way you would have always been with him, had you not experienced so much loss and pain? 
Steve wraps his arms around you, unable to hold back from showing and giving you the affection that you are blessing him with in this moment, even when the anxiety of getting caught still lingers. 
He cups your cheeks and leans closer to your ear, “where do you wanna watch the fireworks?” 
“Maybe the woods? Or the big field?” You ask as you look at him with big eyes, “so we can be away from all these annoying people?”
He laughs when you gesture to the loud fairground visitors.
The lights that flicker around you kiss your beautiful face and your skin that he wants to feel on his at any time, your lips that always look so inviting, you look so delicate, so soft, so gorgeous, you look like someone that could ruin his life and right in this moment, he doesn’t even mind it, he would let you. 
It hits him, in this second, it hits him just how bad he’s got it for you. 
Steve Harrington is down bad. 
Down bad to a point in which he almost calls you ‘my girl’ when he is about to order your drink, he catches himself just in time but he can’t hide the blush that creeps up on his face. 
You don’t seem to notice though, you swing your joined hands back and forth and look around with a contentment in your relaxed features. 
He hands you the ice cold pepsi after placing the ten dollar bill on the small desk, telling the teen behind the counter to keep the change. 
“That was nice of you,” you say as you both start walking away from the drink stall and from the crowds.
“What, letting him keep the change?” 
You nod and let go of his hand to open your can. 
“Poor guy has to work on a holiday, he should get a good tip,” Steve shrugs, already missing the feeling of your hand in his, he raises his arm and wraps it around your shoulder instead, pulling you closer against him. 
Your lips twitch at that, a smile forms on your face. 
“Still, that was nice of you, you’re a nice guy,” you giggle. 
“Well, I gotta make up for all the times I wasn’t a nice guy.”
You don’t say anything to that, you can’t. Steve doesn’t even blame you, you witnessed him in his worst moments, you were his target, more than once. 
You shot back at him but your words weren’t hurtful, your insults and your jabs were never personal. You got under his skin, but not in the way he got under yours. 
He truly wasn’t a nice guy to you and that might be one of his biggest regrets. He was mean, awful even and now as he looks at you, at the cute frown on your face as you pop the can, at the way you take a sip of your favorite drink and smile afterwards, he can’t understand how he could ever treat you so unkindly, how he didn’t see you before.  
You might’ve been rough, snarky and unapproachable but there was never denying of how beautiful you are, how beautiful you have always been. 
How come he never asked you out? 
He might’ve never seen this side of you before and he only ever knew one side of you, but your snarkiness wouldn’t have kept King Steve away from you, if anything, your little act should’ve made him more intrigued. 
And now he can’t help but wonder what things would have been like had he not treated you the way he did, had he asked you out and fought for a chance with you. 
Could’ve things been different then? 
Would you have fallen in love with him? 
Would you have prevented the heartbreak that Nancy had cursed him with two years ago? 
The pain from his last relationship no longer matters to Steve, not since you, but this question still lingers. 
“This spot is perfect.”
You pull him out of the past and back into the presence with a tug on his hand. 
Steve looks around, you are no longer surrounded by people, instead it’s the trees that are around you and him, you’re at the edge of the forest, not far enough to drown at the music and the chatter but quiet enough to hear your voice clearer now, it’s much darker out here but he can still see you well enough. 
You close your eyes and drink your pepsi, completely unaware of his unwavering glances. A sigh leaves your lips and you place the now half full can on the ground before you step closer to him and reach for his hand again, taking a look at the watch around his wrist, you squint your eyes and lean down closer, “it’s about to start any minute.” 
He smiles at you, nodding his head slowly, “yeah.”
Steve feels the urge to pull you tight against him, to hold you and kiss you like he never did before. 
You look up and meet his eyes when you notice his staring, a smile appears on your lips, “what?” You ask with a soft giggle. 
He shakes his head and shrugs, “nothing.”
You bite your lip and he wants nothing more than to grab your face and kiss you breathless. 
You raise your eyebrows at him and stare back at him, stumbling over air as you try to take a step closer to him, making you both chuckle at your drunken clumsiness, your hand falls against his body, while he grabs your waist, steadying you on your own feet, “whoa, easy tiger.” 
You giggle at the nickname, making his own smile widen. 
“You’re really drunk, aren’t you?” 
You don’t even deny it, in fact, you don’t even answer the question as you keep staring up at him, keeping your hands against his chest as your eyes flicker from the spitcurl that hangs over his forehead, his eyes and his lips. 
Steve’s stomach flutters just the way his heart does, his skin tingles beneath from your touches, the look in your eyes makes him want to kiss you even more. 
“You’re feeling okay though, right?” He whispers as he slowly brings his hand up to the side of your face and he cups your cheek. 
“Yeah, I’m okay now,” you nod, leaning into his touch, “I-I just… I miss him.”
Steve might never understand the friendship you had with Billy, he only knew the ugly sides of him but you knew more, you saw deeper, you were his friend – something Steve didn’t even know Billy had, he was sure the guy didn’t even know what the term ‘friendship’ even meant. 
“And that’s okay, Blondie,” he says, giving you a sad smile, “it’s okay to miss people and to grieve for them.”
Tears well up in your eyes and your lips curl downwards. 
Steve didn’t mean for this to happen, he didn’t mean to make you cry. 
“Hey,” he whispers, pulling you closer as he catches the first tear with his thumb, “it’s okay, honey.”
You sniffle and roll your eyes at yourself, “he would punch me in the face for crying,” you joke.
Steve can’t help but laugh. 
“And he’d make fun of me for being with you, he would like–” you pause and lean in to peck his lips, “he would smack my head if I did that in front of him!” You say with a giggle, despite the tears that still keep falling.
His cheeks heat up at the kiss, the need for more growing strong in his chest. 
“He really didn’t like me, huh?”
“Not one fucking bit, Stevie,” you chuckle sadly. 
Steve wonders how things would be if he was still here, would this thing between you even work out? 
Would Billy keep you away from him?
“But nothing could take me away from you, he’d just have to suck it up,” you whisper as you peck his lips again, shutting down the worries in his head. 
He almost feels his pulse in his throat as his heart beats faster, your words doing little to calm the beating of his heart. 
“Oh?” Is the only thing he can say as all the other words freeze in his brain. 
You nod as you look into his eyes deeply, refusing to break eye contact. He notices the way your chest starts moving faster as your breathing gets heavier, he sees the way your smile transforms into a nervous frown and your throat bobs as you try to come up with words. 
His breath hitches in his throat when you whisper his name shakily. 
“I–”
Whatever you were about to say gets lost in the wind as the loud explosion in the sky cuts you off and tears your attention away from him. The colors pop in the sky, illuminating the darkened space around you both.
You tilt your head to watch the lights that reflect in your eyes, the smile you wore before makes its way back into your pretty face, the tension in your body disappears and you relax into him again. 
But while your drunken mind gets distracted by all of this so easily, Steve only really sees you. He doesn’t look up just yet, he lets himself admire you for a moment. 
Your eyes light up as they meet his for a brief second, flashing with awe. 
His heart could jump out of his chest from how hard it’s beating, his knees could give out any moment now. 
“Look!” You beam at him as you point your finger at the blue colors. 
His gaze follows yours but it returns to your face so quickly, something about you pulls him in, a magnet, a string, a strong connection – he can’t identify it yet, but he feels like his whole being yearns for you and not just sexually. 
He wants to keep doing this, he wants to keep holding your hand, he wants to keep hugging you, he wants to keep spending time with you like this, he wants to stand under the night sky with you, and he especially wants to do this. 
“Hey,” he whispers as he cups your cheeks with both hands, pulling your attention back to him. 
You greet him with an adoring smile, “hi,” you whisper.
Steve caresses your cheek, he is starting to lean in closer, fading out the colors that flash in his peripheral vision, before his lips can even touch yours, you throw your arms around his neck and beat him to it, pressing your lips against his over and over again before you move on to both of his cheeks and even the tip of his nose as you start showering him in kisses, catching him off guard completely. 
Steve giggles in surprise, his cheeks match the colors that lighten up the sky as they glow red. 
And then, you finally pull him into a longer kiss. 
You close your eyes and he does too, your lips start moving slowly, passionately. You rest your hands on his neck and steal his breath away by deepening the kiss as you slip your tongue into his mouth and let him have a taste of your sweetness, the cotton candy and the pepsi still linger on your lips. 
Your noses bump into each other and you break the kiss with a giggle, giving him a sweet smile before you lean back in again, kissing and continuing to steal his breath away, not knowing what you have just done to his poor heart, how much life, how much hope you have filled it with. 
A smile, a giggle, a simple kiss with you is all it takes for all the defense around him to crumble into dust. 
Something he thought he lost seeps back into his heart, something he thought that stayed in the past and to never be touched again blooms in him. 
Everything inside of him screams in joy, his stomach doing somersaults, his skin prickling from the excitement, his lips tugging into a smile even through the kiss that he deepens more and more. 
This kiss is different from all the other ones you have shared before, this one means something, this one won’t lead to you tearing each other’s clothes off. No, this is just a kiss. 
A kiss that means everything. 
A kiss that changes everything. 
You stole his breath completely and made it your own, you stole his heart, his soul, his whole being. 
And the noise of the fireworks, the sparks igniting from them, match those in Steve's heart. Just exploding, bursting, burning him from inside out.
And he embraces the feeling fully.
He wants more of this, more of you. 
He wants to cross a line, he wants you in a whole new way and he is no longer ashamed to admit it to himself. 
It feels like forever as you stand there beneath the sparkling sky, kissing and staying in each other’s embrace as you both savor every second of this moment, only pulling away to catch your breaths before you lean back in for more. 
The fireworks stop, but only those in the sky. 
Your lips are still moving with each other, your tongues still mingling together, whines and whimpers fall from you – tonight, they don’t fill him with lust and need, no, tonight they fill him with adoration. 
Your arms tighten around his neck, your nose is flush against his as you refuse to break the kiss but the lack of air makes it impossible and it forces you away from him, though you don’t pull away too far, only enough to catch your breath.
Steve leans his forehead against yours, slowly opening his eyes to look into yours, his heart flutters yet again when he sees how wide your eyes are, how they flicker with deep emotions. 
Unable to hold back, he leans in to peck your puffy lips one more time. 
“Steve,” you whisper as your hands begin to slip from his shoulders to his chest. 
“Yes?”
“Can I be with you tonight?”
He furrows his brows at your question, he wants you to be with him tonight, he wants you with him every night. 
“Of course, Blondie.”
You smile at him though it’s a weak one and it makes him frown. 
“What’s wrong?” 
“Nothing,” you shake your head, scrunching your nose. 
“Are you feeling sick?” He asks, tilting your head up. 
You shake your head again, “just really tired.”
Your words are still slurred, the alcohol still deep in your system. 
“Let’s go home then.”
“Do you want to go?” You ask, looking at him with a cute frown on your face as you tilt your head to the side, “I-I can still wait if you want to stay here longer.”
Steve smiles at you, shaking his head, “no, I want to go home with you.”
The smile on your lips replaces the frown. 
He brushes his thumb against your bottom lip and stares at you adoringly. 
“Come on, we should tell Eddie.” 
You pick up your discarded drink before you slide your fingers through his, intertwining your fingers with his again. 
“Let’s go,” he whispers, squeezing your hand. 
You follow him without a single word, walking beside him quietly as you make your way out of the woods and back into the fair where the lights are bright and he can see you better now. 
It’s still just as crowded as it was before and just as loud. 
Steve keeps you close, glancing at you, he notices the squinted eyes and how displeased you look by all the noises and the people around you. 
He holds your hand tighter, giving it another reassuring squeeze. 
“I can’t wait to go to sleep,” you mumble, taking the last few sips of your soda before you throw it into the trashcan you pass by. You wrap your free hand around his bicep and squish your cheek against it.
Steve’s smile widens, his eyes glint with nothing but fondness. 
“There you are!” 
Steve turns to find Eddie walking towards you both, throwing his hands up with a worried look on his face that slowly begins to disappear when he realizes that you have been with him all this time, though his eyebrows pull together when he sees your entwined hands and the closeness between you. 
Steve expects you to run away from him and into your best friend’s arms, but you don’t, you stick to his side. 
“Hi Eddie!” You mumble lazily as a smile appears on your face. 
You all halt in your tracks once you meet in the middle. 
“Hey sweets, are you okay?” He asks, eying you up and down one more time. 
“Peachy!”
“Where have you been?” 
Steve clears his throat, “we watched the fireworks from the woods and now I’m gonna take this one home, she’s tired.”
Eddie squints his eyes at him, giving a once over now – the way he has been doing it for some time now, like he is suspicious of his actions, like he wants to figure him out so he can protect you from him and irritates Steve. 
“I can take her home,” Eddie shrugs. 
“No!” You protest, clinging to Steve’s arm, you hold him tighter not wanting to be pulled away from him. 
Steve chuckles softly, he looks down at you adoringly. 
“Don’t worry, Eddie. I’ll take her home to sleep, maybe shove some coffee down her throat, see if that helps. I am sensing I’m having a hungover Blondie tomorrow.” 
Eddie raises one eyebrow at him, he crosses his arms over his chest, defensively. And Steve notices it from the corner of his eye, causing the smile to leave his face as a frown etches into his features instead. 
“I’m not doing anything if that's what you’re fucking thinking, Munson.” 
Eddie raises his hands up in surrender, “sorry, can’t blame me for caring.”
That… Stings. 
That actually hurts his feelings. 
He may not be as close to Eddie as you are to him, but Eddie knows him well enough to know that he would never do anything like this. 
“You really think I’m that disgusting?” Steve asks, not bothering to hide the hurt in his voice. 
Eddie sighs. 
Of course he doesn’t. 
He is just protective of his best friend, of her feelings. 
Neither of you notice the way you keep looking between them, completely lost and confused. 
“I don’t know what kind of deal you both have, Steve, but I’m allowed to care. I would’ve given her the same look if the roles were reversed.” 
“She’s not like that,” Steve argues instantly. 
Eddie sighs again, uncrossing his arms, he drops them to his side as he takes a look at the sky with a long sigh. 
“I know she’s not, I know you’re not. Just… take care of her…”
Steve is still hurt by Eddie’s reaction, by the accusing look in his eyes, like Steve would do anything to hurt you. 
He knows that it might only be because you are his best friend, because he feels protective of you, because he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you – but to know that he was worried about you while you were with him makes him feel sick. 
Steve would never do anything to hurt someone, let alone you. 
“Can we go now?” You ask, looking up at him with big eyes. 
A weak smile appears on his face as he looks down at you, “yeah, we can go.”
Steve doesn’t notice the way Eddie’s squinted eyes linger on him, the way he looks down at your hands, watching as Steve pulls you closer despite you being glued to his side already. 
He can’t help but sigh when he sees the way you look at him, the dreaminess and the love is so evident and it worries him, your feelings for Steve worry him because he fears that he will break your heart, that he will rip it out of your chest. 
Eddie is so focused on his worries, he doesn’t even see the way Steve looks at you. 
“I’m gonna call you tomorrow, Eds.”
Eddie smiles at you, “yeah, alright.” 
Steve nods at Eddie, only giving him a small smile as he starts pulling you away. 
“Bye man,” Steve mumbles as he brushes past him. 
“Bye Eddie!” 
“Yeah, sleep well, sweets.” Eddie smiles, waving at you. 
Walking away from the fairground and leaving behind the crowds of people and your best friend feels like a relief to Steve. He can’t move past the glances the metalhead gave to him, the worried looks he spared you as though you were in some kind of danger with him. 
He can’t confront him, he can’t talk to him about it and tell him how wrong he is though, he would give away his feelings and he can’t do that. 
You walk beside him quietly, not a single word falls from your lips, you just keep holding his hand, looking up at him every once in a while until you make it to his car. 
Steve opens the door for you, begrudgingly letting go of you so you can get inside, he helps you buckle in your seatbelt, a surprised chuckle falls from his lips when you use the opportunity to kiss his cheek and he can’t even help himself but do the same to you, smacking his lips against your cheek to give you a loud smooch, one that makes you giggle. 
He can see the tiredness in your eyes, the way you slowly blink and how you sink deeper into the car seat as you yawn. 
“Let's get you into bed, honey.”
Steve keeps the music on low during the drive home, you keep dozing off as your head keeps falling to the side but every time you open your eyes again, you look at him and you keep your eyes on him, making him blush beneath your softened gaze. 
And then, you make his heart swell and his chest vibrate when you place your hand on his thigh and smile at him sweetly. 
Everything about you drives him crazy today. 
Every glance, every touch, every word, every kiss. 
You have brought something out in him, something that was buried deep inside, hidden and locked away but you have found the key, you unlocked it, you brought something back that he thought was impossible to ever resurface again and you made it yours, you made him yours, all yours. 
And now, he wants to give you everything. 
He wants to take care of you, he wants to shower you with affection, he wants to be the one for you. 
You’re making things complicated but in the most amazing of ways, in the most beautiful of twists that he couldn’t believe would happen again for him. Your small glances are enough to turn a flame in his entire body, your hand on his thigh as he parks at his home enough to send butterflies in his stomach, butterflies that he swore died when Nancy broke his heart.
Your touch is enough to make him tremble and make his knees buckle, when he helps you out of his car, both of you laugh as you almost fall right on your ass, even with his help. He is happy. He is content. He is extremely giddy when he is with you, as if he were fourteen all over again.
Even when you are not like this, when you are not this bubbly uncaring self, he still enjoys his time with you. He enjoys the accidental snorts that make him laugh as you swat him to try to stop him from laughing. The happy delighted moans you give when you try his cooking. The out of nowhere conversations in the mornings that you two now share together. 
He likes it when you put on that strong wall, it makes you look cute, it makes him want to break it down. He loves the small banter, the pretend fights when you two are with the whole group, the way you pinch his side when you walk past him when no one is looking. He adores it.
When he finally manages to get you inside, he immediately urges you into the kitchen, making you drink water, not pepsi, despite your pouts and your teary eyes which almost make him become a puddle on the floor. He also gives you a leftover chicken sandwich he had in his fridge so you would eat something to absorb the alcohol.
“Eat at least half of that.” He commands and you just grumble something, cutely so, underneath your breath as you take a bite. He knew you probably didn’t eat anything at the fair, a possible reason for your drunkenness.
“I’ll eat… if you give me a kiss.” And just like that you pucker your lips his way and his heart can barely handle it. He licks his lips before leaning towards you and placing them on yours in a soft peck, a quick one. You smile before taking the first bite, and when you swallow it seems as if it turns on the hunger in your belly because you devour that sandwich in seconds.
He hopes you keep it down your stomach for the whole night and that it helps you feel okay in the morning. He wonders how you will act tomorrow, if you’ll remember all of this, if you’ll remember how much you kissed him, how you made him feel. He should tell you… He should…
But what if it’s the alcohol doing its thing?
“Okay, let’s go to bed.” And doing so turns out to be a challenge because as soon as you finish your food and water, your eyelids start to drop. Getting you off the stool and dragging you upstairs is easy but keeping you sitting up as he tries to change you into his clothes, that is another issue.
“I don’t wanna…” You mumble as you throw yourself back down onto the mattress, chest bare. He would have gotten riled up, if it weren’t for the fact he felt domestic, fluttery, and his chuckles came out easily out of his lips when looking at you.
“You have to, it’s just the shirt, come on.” His voice is soft as he talks to you, making you raise yourself up again, sitting in front of him and raising your arms up for him to slide his shirt on you. As soon as it’s on, you bounce back and get comfortable in his pillow with a contented sigh. He smiles at you as he takes off his shirt and starts unbuckling his belt in order to get comfortable. His own tiredness is starting to take a toll on his body.
He doesn’t notice that you had turned your head to look at him again, and a wolf whistle is heard in the room, making him turn to look at you. You have a cheeky smile on your face and he feels himself blushing slightly as he laughs, taking his pants off next, leaving him in boxers only. 
“As if you haven’t seen it before.” He says and it only makes you whistle again as he saunters over with a shake of his head, a smile still plastered on his lips.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t adore it everytime,” you whisper. 
And that makes the smile drop, but in shock. Your words went deep, soothing over wounds that had been created long ago, and he doesn’t mean his scars. He has to clear his throat in order to walk towards the bed and get inside right next to you, only for you to immediately crawl on top of him, laying your chin on his chest, looking at him.
It holds so much adoration for some reason, a sparkle that makes Steve’s stomach turn, hope that rose in his throat like vomit, ready to come out, overwhelming him. You are looking at him as if he hung the stars for you, as if he were your only person in the entire world. 
And he knows he is looking down at you in the exact same way.
“What now?”
“You’re just so pretty… It’s stupid how pretty you are.” He chuckles, making his chest rumble and for you to bounce up and down with it. 
You pout but it’s followed by a smile, “it’s true, you are.”
“I’m not told that very often Blondie.” He honestly replies and that makes you raise your head up and look down at him with determination in your eyes. “Wh–”
He can’t even finish his question because your lips start going crazy on his face, but softly, caring, taking extra time on following the lines of moles he has on his jaw. He is startled, shocked, for no one ever did this to him, not even his own mother. No one ever showered him with affection, with kisses. 
And as though that wasn’t sweet and surprising enough, you nuzzle your nose against his, giggling when a big smile appears on his face. 
You are cute. You are so fucking cute. 
It is an overwhelming feeling, one that almost makes him feel like crying. 
Your lips pressed on the tip of his nose as you pulled away, a proud smile on your face, and he wonders what is going through your mind right now. If it it’s all true, fuck, he wants it all to be true. He needs it to be true. He needs and desires that you are doing all of this intentionally to him, despite the alcohol. 
“There, now you know.” 
You really are beautiful, so beautiful. He feels drunk on you, seeing you, feeling you… his hand rises up, not able to contain himself as it runs through the back of your head and pulls you down to his lips, letting him give you a deep kiss. A kiss that made the fireworks he saw earlier explode inside his room again. 
You follow his lips with a hum, and he doesn’t want to pull away. He needs it all. He needs you. Not in the way he has been having you the past month. Not at all, not even close.
He lets you pull away, and his hand caresses your cheek, pulling your head down to rest on his chest again as your legs intertwine with his underneath the sheets. He wonders if you can hear how fast his heart is beating. If it bangs your head from how hard he feels his chest being hit with it. 
“Sleep Blondie.” He wishes anything but that, but he needs the silence, the time alone.
“Hmm… night Stevie…” And he knows your eyes are closed, that you mumble that with the last bit of strength you had. His eyes remain on the ceiling as his mind starts working, gears going round and round, going overtime.
He had been running from the definition of the feeling, even if he knew it was there, even if he accepted everything else that came with it. He kept running and running, and now he had hit a wall.
So it’s time to stop and turn around to face you.
Steve Harrington decides to stop running as he looks down at you and his lips press at the top of your head while his arms hold you tighter. You whine in your sleep, yet your cheek nuzzles even more into his chest. 
He can’t deny you anymore. Not when you look like this in his arms. Not when you peppered his face with kisses he never received. Not when he saw you in a vulnerable moment of yours. Not when he gets to see you moan in pleasure because of him. Not when he gets to see you have fun with everyone else. Not when you saved his life, going headfirst for him. Not when you already send smiles his way that make his heart stop.
And if you wake up tomorrow with a headache, he will be waiting for you with coffee in hand, an advil, and some food, ready to help you. To take care of you. He will let you lay in his bed all the time you need, all in order to make you feel better.
Because Steve Harrington started feeling again.
He likes you. He terribly and adoringly likes you… and he is afraid because–
It’s nowhere near little. Not at all.
“Can’t believe I fell for you, Blondie.”
tagging friends and mutuals!
@prettyboyeddiemunson @taintedcigs @mysticmunson @corrodedcorpses @maroon-cardigan @thecreelhouse @ibellcipem @joekeerysmoles @munsonlore @sherrylyn628 @munson-mjstan @agirlwholovesrockstars
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andypantsx3 · 8 months ago
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I love the TodoReaderBaku polycule idea!! I imagine them pushing the others buttons in the morning as they get ready for work and then you come home late that evening to them snoozing and cuddled up together in their sleep on the couch while they wait for you. They(bakugou) already made dinner but they didn’t want to eat without you 🥹💕
This is soooo cute omg you are giving me big domestic tdbkreader feelies. 🥺 I hope it's okay that I wrote you a lil something inspired by this.
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contents: shouto x reader x bakugou, established relationship, domestic fluff, gender neutral reader, sfw, 1k
The sound of muffled arguing in the kitchen wakes you up on Saturday morning.
It's late, the sun already streaming in through your windows, pooling in streaks of pale gold across your floor. From where you're wrapped up in the blankets you can just make out a pair of Shouto's discarded pants laying across the floor, Katsuki's folded with military precision atop the hamper. You stretch, joints popping, until the sound of voices draws your attention again.
"The fuck is that supposed to be, huh?" comes Katsuki's growl from beyond the door.
Shouto's low tone answers him, his voice soft and almost indecipherable. You can tell the two of them haven't been up for much longer than you by the rasp in Katsuki's voice, the deep hum of Shouto's. "They are Julie Anne."
There is an incredulous pause, and you can almost see the expression on Katsuki's face. Barely awake, you just manage to stifle your own laugh into the blanket when Shouto's meaning comes to you, and Katsuki's scandalized inhale makes you smile harder.
"It's julienne, dumbfuck. Who the hell is Julie Anne?" he demands.
"They are julienne, then," Shouto says placidly, which you know grinds Katsuki's gears even more than defensiveness.
"This is half a fucking carrot, I said cut 'em tiny!" Katsuki hisses.
Shouto says something in reply you can't quite make out, and Katsuki all but growls—except then there's the softest, slick sound of a kiss, and you know Shouto has pulled out his ultimate move to quiet your boyfriend down.
"Think you can just do whatever because you're cute," Katsuki mutters after a moment, but his tone gives him away. It's easily a thousand degrees warmer than it was moments before, and you can tell by the sound of his voice that the tips of his ears are scarlet.
A helplessly fond smile pulls at your mouth as you stretch again, and you figure you should get out to the kitchen now that the waters have calmed.
The process of unrolling yourself from the blankets takes a minute, and then you spend another few hunting around for the shirt and pants Shouto flung off of you somewhere last night, and a few more brushing your teeth in the bathroom.
Something is hissing on the stove by the time you make it out to the kitchen, and the room smells mouthwatering.
Shouto has apparently been exiled to the far side of the island, and your boyfriend turns to you, his hair a little flatted on the left side, red strands tangling up with the white. His long fingers clutch a glass of orange juice, and he looks so adorably morning-ruffled and sweet you almost fall over your feet in your haste to kiss him.
"Good morning, love," he says, pressing another kiss to your mouth. He's warm and tastes like fresh oranges, and his bare chest is almost too beautifully sculpted in the morning sun. You let him pull you into his lap, and only get a little flustered with the way his arm muscle cords as he does so.
He hooks his arms around you, pressing his mouth into your shoulder, and you shiver with the delicious warmth of him along your back.
"Thought you mighta died in there," Katsuki says, scarlet eyes finding yours over the counter. "'S late for you."
He's bare chested too, miles of golden skin on display in his low-slung grey sweatpants and your mouth goes a little dry just looking at him.
"Luckily someone set the bickering boyfriend alarm," you say, eyes barely finding their way back up to his face.
Katsuki grins, a wicked thing, and leans over the counter to seize your mouth, a long-fingered hand cupping your chin. He tastes like coffee, an indulgence he only allows himself on weekends, and he slides you a matching mug when he finally lets your mouth free, having to return to the rolled omelette he's making.
"I might be in love with you," you say gratefully, taking a sip, reveling in how good it is. Katsuki only does freshly ground—a million miles better than the instant powder or coffee pods you brew yourself on your way out to work. You're definitely in love.
"Then I might be inclined to let you have some of this," Katsuki says. The motion of his arm as he flaps the dishtowel over his shoulder is notably smug.
You settle back into Shouto, sipping your drinks together quietly as you watch a traditional Japanese breakfast come together under Katsuki's talented hands. He plates up rice, his rolled omelette, and then a sauteed kale stem and carrot salad off the stove—so that's what the julienne talk was about. Then grilled fish is laid over the top of the rice, and Katsuki lays out another side of soup and several tiny plates of carved fruits.
Shouto helps you off of his lap gently when it's finished, and Katsuki crowds you into your own chair between the two of them, charging another kiss for his efforts. You pay up eagerly, the meal and the man in front of you equally delicious.
"Eat it all," Katsuki demands of Shouto over your shoulder as he takes his own seat, pointing his chopsticks like a weapon at him. "You overused your quirk in Bunkyo yesterday, y'need to make up the energy deficit."
Shouto hums, used to Katsuki's bossiness.
You have to suppress an appreciative groan when the first bite of breakfast hits your mouth. The fish is fresh and sweet and the rice is warm and fluffy. As with anything Katsuki makes, it's cookbook perfect.
"It's sooo good," you say, your usual—though heartfelt—platitude. "Really good. Thank you both."
"It is made with love," Shouto specifies, his tone low and earnest in that disarming way he has. In the corner of your vision, Katsuki rolls his eyes, but pointedly does not deny it.
You take another bite, hiding your smile in a mouthful of sauteed kale stem and badly-julienned carrot.
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felassan · 4 months ago
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July 22nd DA:TV Game Informer article (their last DA:TV coverage article) on Everything we Know about Bellara - cliff notes:
Bellara is Dalish elf (played by Jee Young Han as we know). There might be more to her than meets the eye
"Now, with two of [the elven] gods on the loose, magic has poured back into the world in a big way"
CC is expansive
Bellara is the first companion we will recruit (Neve and Harding join automatically it seems)
She is a mage, a Veil Jumper (who she represents), quirky, energetic, effervescent, optimistic, bubbly, academic, a tinkerer, an explorer of ancient elven ruins
John Epler wrote her and led her development, and collective team effort from lots of departments brought her to life
The BW team really love her
Gary McKay quote: "I love Bellara, I think she's fantastic. I see people that I know in her and so that's how she really resonates with me. I love the whole tinkerer aspect to her. It was a collective to bring that character to life. It was everything from the writers, to the editors, the animators, to character modelers, to the texturing, to how we light her. I'm really proud of that character."
She is a good choice in combat for both support and elemental combos. She starts out as a support character, but can be built in other ways
She attacks with a bow at range using electrically-charged arrows. She can also cast time-slow and healing spells (she can be built to heal Rook autonomously). She does this by channeling magical energy into her gauntlet
As such she leans into electrical damage
Damage type matters a lot in the strategy and tactics of combat
She can unleash a devastating vortex to pull enemies into an electrical storm (an AOE spell)
She can debuff enemies with the shocked affliction, which makes them take passive damage
Corinne Busche quote: "Oh my goodness, she is amazing. [The Veil Jumpers] investigate the ancient ruins of Arlathan. Everything about her character as a mage leans into that, but she also challenges the kind of archetypal idea of a mage."
The Veil Jumpers journey through Arlathan where the ancient empire used to exist and left a lot of artifacts and magical technology behind when it disappeared
Bellara represents this yearning to find the truth of who the elves were after they lost their magic, immortality and a lot of their history
"they still left a lot of their artifacts and a lot of their, for lack of a better term, magical technology behind"
John Epler quote: "A lot of what they know of their past is based on myth, it's based on rumor. Bellara is a knowledge seeker. She wants to find out what's true, what's not; she wants to find the pieces of who the elves used to be and really understand what their story was, where they came from, as well as figure out where they're going next, and find a future for the elves. And within the context of The Veilguard, she joins the team, first of all, to help stop the gods because Bellara feels at least partially responsible since they are elven gods, but also to maybe find a little bit more of who they used to be. Because again, you're dealing with these elves that were around millennia ago that have now reemerged into the world, and who better to teach her who the elves used to be than them."
Magic's place in the world in DA:TV differs from prior games. In Tevinter and other spaces in DA:TV it's much more present by definition and the lore (though the devs wanted to make sure magic didn't violate previously-established lore rules)
Solas is a "determined and tragic character" who "tends to wallow". [nb, these are quotes from the article]. in contrast, Bellara has seen a lot of tragedy in her backstory (we will see this as we get into her arc), but instead of wallowing, she has forced herself to push past it. "She looks at her regrets, and she tells herself, 'I don't want to feel regret'
John: "Whereas again, Solas tends to wallow in his to a large degree. And it allows us to create a very big differentiation. Part of it is also because Solas is an ancient elf, whereas Bellara is a Dalish elf, but she just sees a problem and wants to solve it. She feels a tremendous amount of responsibility to her people [...] to the Dalish, and to the Veil Jumpers, and that drives her forward. That said, she does have her moments where she has doubt, she has moments where she has a more grim outlook, and there are moments where you realize that some of her sunny, optimistic outlook is kind of a mask that she puts on to hide the fact that she's hurting, she's in pain. But in general, she doesn't see any benefit to wallowing in those regrets."
[source]
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chiwhorei · 1 year ago
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Bésame
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Miguel O’Hara x reader
Tags: 18+ ONLY mdni, College AU, roommates to lovers, tooth-rotting love for this man, pussy-devouring, fingering, squirting, I wrote this in one go so you get what ya get
Word count: 2.3k- written in one, prolonged blackout
Notes: I’m fucking back bitches. I missed you, I missed this. I hope I stick around this time. This was supposed to be a blurb about squirting but the melancholy romantic won again.
Cross-posted to Ao3!
There’s something about the smell of crisp summer morning, the feeling of gentle air, humidity whispering across your face. The inescapable heat of late July is hidden from the world in its earliest hours.
“Keep up Mamí, I’m not getting stuck in the rain because you’re daydreaming.”
You pick up the pace, jogging in quick steps to catch up to Miguel. He’s farther ahead than you realized, strong muscles and wispy brown hair outlined by dark storm clouds.
Your breath is heavy, rattling against your ribs while you match the canter of Miguel’s long stride. He’s never gone easy on you, but your labored breathing makes him ease up a bit.
“What’s got your attention this morning? Or were you admiring the view behind me?” Miguel reaches up to adjust the cloth headband keeping his hair out of his face. His arms look like they’re chiseled from marble, strong, tanned skin flexes under the cutoff he wears in some iteration every morning.
Your eyes glaze over, not realizing the intensity of your gawking until Miguel’s eyes find yours. The color is deeper than usual, darker and melting into the black of his pupil. You write it off as the gloomy weather above, but he licks his bottom lip before relinquishing your stare.
You forgot what he asked you, but he doesn’t press the subject any further. Out of character, but appreciated.
“What time is your last class over tonight?” He asks, you fix your eyes on a stop sign ahead to avoid getting lost in his stare again. You see him from the corner of your eye, the angle making it seem that his gaze is focused on the bounce of your chest.
It’s just the angle, you sound even less convincing in your own head.
“Uh- well it’s Monday, so I have lab until 4:30.” You groan out the last part, ruminating on the long day ahead of you.
“My evening class got canceled for today, so I can take care of dinner tonight.”
You hum at him, his offer settles against your shoulders like honey. Something to look forward to at the end of a long day.
Sometimes he almost feels real.
He folded you into his life like melted chocolate. An easy, peaceful affection towards you since you moved in all those months ago. An offer to join his morning runs, filling a thermos of coffee for you to grab before leaving the apartment, coming home to dinner with that casual dismissal that makes your head spin.
“It’s no problem, mamí, that’s what roommates are for.” He’s always been so plain and earnest, smoothing over any objections with a sugary term of endearment and those big brown eyes.
Your heart aches so deeply when you forget that he’s just your roommate. Stabbing and twisting in your breastbone when you think about how much effort he must put in with dates.
You stop abruptly, feet cemented to the sidewalk and chest heaving rapidly. Miguel slows to a stop when he notices you missing from his side.
“Hey, don’t tell me you’re quitting, we’re two blocks from the apartment.” His voice is light, but his eyes fall from amusement to concern when he sees how hard your breath falls from your lungs.
“Whoa, what’s wrong, are you feeling okay?” He paces towards you and another deep inhale fills your senses with his musky scent instead of the rainy morning air you desperately need.
“I- I’m fine,” you struggle against the words, lifting your gaze to see Miguel’s sweat-slicked curls flop against his forehead.
You blame the early hour, or light-headedness, or a moment of delirium as your hand comes up to tuck the stray hair back under his headband.
“You’re so beautiful, Miguel.”
Your words tumble out, breaching the filter in the back of your mouth that keeps you from saying stupid shit to the man you’re stuck in a lease with.
Miguel’s breath hitches, concern falling away and filling its place with an unreadable expression. His eyes pace between your pupils, freezing the blood flowing under your skin. Why does his proximity make you act like a love-sick puppy? The frustration wells up, lining your tear ducts.
“That- I- I’m sorry.” You return his look with an awkward laugh, coughing around the lump in your throat.
Your body moves on autopilot, sidestepping his frame to make a run for it, but Miguel circles your wrist with a large palm. His skin is callused and warm as he pulls you to stand in front of him once again.
He holds you in his stare, burning eyes and the light grip of your wrist is more than enough to keep you in place.
There’s nothing more you can do but stutter around your tattered pride. Racking against your brain to find an excuse for your weird behavior. A possession? A moment of psychosis? You’ll call a priest later, but you first need to get away from Miguel and the sweet smell of cologne and sweat so you can think clearly again.
“Mi hermosa,” your balance is kicked out from under you as he holds both wrists against his chest.
Miguel’s lips dip down to you, you can almost taste his cherry chapstick as he traces his words above your mouth. You feel the first drops of rain as they hit Miguel’s cheek and bounce off your nose. Before you can taste that distinct cherry flavor, the angry crack of thunder pulls your bones from your skin.
“We need to get home,” you see a flash of lightning as it reflects in Miguel’s eyes, it splits the clouds and opens up a swollen reservoir- rain pounding down on the two of you, “we’re getting soaked Mig-“
“Say the word, Mamí,” He interrupts you, barely fazed by the storm that was ripped from your soul and clawed itself into the sky, “Tell me to fuck off and I’ll never try this again.”
Miguel drops his grip on your wrists, moving those eclipsing palms to the juncture of your neck. His lips beg for your touch once again and for the millionth time.
“Bésame.” Your accent is rigid and unpracticed, remedial at best but music to Miguel’s ears. His mouth meets yours in a wide smile, fingers finding purchase on either side of your neck.
His kiss is dripping and desperate, if you’re not careful you could drown right here and sink into the concrete.
All of the times you’ve imagined this moment are nothing compared to the real thing. He’s aggressive and hungry, licking into your mouth and vibrating your tongue with a growl.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Miguel bites at your lip before pulling away, his face is obscured in the pouring rain, “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
How wrong he is, you think.
Miguel pulled you through the threshold of your shared apartment as soon as the door was unlocked, the only sense he has left is depleted- used up from keeping his composure while you fumble with your keys. His strong, broad arms circling around your waist to tug you ever closer, keeping your mouth open and whining against his.
Your feet lift from the carpet as Miguel lifts you up with the same effort as a paperweight. The feeling of his hands settling on your ass is the last pull against your unwinding composure. You’re legs wrap around his middle and you grind down hard against his abdomen.
“Fuck, I can feel your pussy through your leggings.” His words make you dizzy, grinding against him with a brainless rhythm.
“We don’t have to,” his lips trace down your neck between each word, “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
The sincerity in his eyes hits you squarely in the chest and moving across your skin like fever.
“Miggy, I need you. Please, anything you give me- I’ll take it.”
Your even tone shocks the both of you, the most confident you’ve sounded all morning.
“Fuck, I almost want to make you regret those words.” His teeth graze the tender spot under your chin.
“But the first thing I want is a taste of that sweet little cunt.” You’re sure your knees would buckle if Miguel wasn’t holding you, the rough tambor of his voice will be the death of you- you’ll take your chances.
Miguel carries you past the small kitchen and living area, you don’t notice where he’s sat you until he pulls his lips away from yours.
His room smells like fresh laundry and pine, the bedspread he’s set you on is tucked neatly on either side and soft under your touch. You’ve sat in this exact spot plenty of times, to study into the late night, to watch reruns of your favorite show on lazy Sunday afternoons- but never like this.
Miguel pushes you lightly so your back hits the mattress, he spreads your legs apart at the knee and you feel the tight fabric of your leggings as it shifts against your pussy.
Your running set is tight against your skin, sweat and rain covering your trembling body so that every inch is sticky and damp.
Miguel’s pointer and middle finger rub against your pussy, memorizing the outline of your plush lips under thin nylon. He’ll tuck the image into the back of his mind in case he needs it later.
“Mmm, no panties this morning,” he muses, pressing his thumb against your clit.
Miguel pulls at the fabric on your pussy, letting it snap back against your skin, you can feel the tight material drenched from your aching pussy. You want to tell him that you can hardly take this teasing, but all that comes out is a wobbly string of please, please, please.
“Don’t worry, Mamí, I’m gonna take care of you.” Your thoughts don’t catch up to him until the chill of open air hits your bare cunt. Your soaked leggings are tossed to the corner of his almost clinically clean room.
Miguel takes a moment to marvel at the sopping wet pussy he’s got trapped against his mattress.
“Que maravilla,” he kisses his words flatly against your puffy lips before coaxing them open with his nose. His face is covered in you already, glistening across his lips and chin. But it’s not enough, it won’t be enough until you drown him.
His tongue laps at you like you’re what’s keeping him alive. He kisses with his mouth open, collecting your offering to him and drinking it down with every flat lashing of his tongue.
You taste tangy and sweet, a heady mix of sweat and pheromones that pulls him in ever closer. Desperate to drink his fill of you. Every long swipe at your sloppy hole is dotted with a kiss, every inch of skin is electric- zapping against your clit with every measured nip.
Miguel’s fingers find their way to rest against your pussy, pushing in gently when he’s satisfied with how well his tongue worked you open.
Once the digits are wettened, Miguel pushes two in to the first knuckle. He groans at the feeling of how welcoming your pussy is, how responsive you are to his touch.
He licks his praises against your soft skin as your muscles relax around the thick intrusion. His vision fuzzy at the edges thinking about how you’ll take his cock. The thought is pushed back for now, lingering on it could break you when he’s just gotten started.
Your hips rock down against him, catching your clit with his wide palm.
Your whimpering emboldens him, cock weeping in the waistband of his shorts. He’s harder than he’s ever been, the frustrating ache in his balls is poured right into the quickening pace of his fingers. He needs you to break- crumble into pieces so he can put them back together.
“Miguel, fuck, I need- you need to slow down or I’m gonna“
Your pleas fall on deaf ears, Miguel is hypnotized at the sight of your pussy spilling over against him. He doesn’t relent even as you cry out and shake under him. He doesn’t miss a beat as your pussy squelches, clear liquid splashing against his chest.
“Oh fuck, you didn’t mention you’re a squirter.” His pace is torturous, pumping against that spot deep inside you that turns you into a puddle.
Once his other hand comes down to circle your clit, you know that you’re done for. The fear of letting loose like this is something that holds your rigid body from completely letting go. No one’s ever pulled you from that damn before, but Miguel has torn it down completely.
“Let go for me, Mamí, need to feel you cum against my fingers, need to see you squirt for me again.” The words drip from his mouth like hot syrup and coat your stiff muscles.
He pulls more out of you with each pump of those skilled fingers, more than you ever thought you had in you, more than you could imagine.
You cry as you cum, tears spilling over your cheeks in fat streams. The feelings you’ve kept inside for Miguel, the schoolgirl crush, the craving, the primal need all splashes against the both of you with the telltale spasm of your cunt against his fingers.
Your mind feels like it’s been dipped in wax, dripping from it’s fixed position to coat your shoulders. He makes quick work of tugging you back down to earth, lying next to your limp body with an anchoring hand on your stomach. He coos you, whispering praise into your hairline.
The sun peeks through Miguel’s window, clouds moving on to the next town and leaving the still early morning to brighten up the sky. Your face feels hot in realization.
You’ve got a long day ahead of you.
* * *
All work is mine blah blah I don’t wanna go find my old copyright thing but I’ll piss in your water supply if you steal this.
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pennyserenade · 4 months ago
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devil in his heart | jackson rippner x reader
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summary | after finding out your long-time boyfriend's real occupation, you have to grapple with who he really is. rating | (explicit) tags/warnings | 18+, dark, dubcon (bordering on noncon), smut, explicit smut, fingering, degradation, violence word count | 1.9k+ a/n | i honest to god don't know what possessed me, but we are all grown ups here. read with caution! enjoy! love ya! also: i wrote this to devil in his heart by the donays and he's got the power by the exciters, if you're interested in a soundtrack. not beta'd
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Truth be told, this is the best game of cat and mouse he's had in years, and he doesn't like that it's ending so soon.
As he gets on your level, crouching near your slumped form, Jackson almost feels a little sorry that you couldn't win. It's not that you weren't witty enough--you were. It's just that, well, he's better. This reminds him of when he was ten and had wanted to go to space only to figure out when he was twelve that he was too scared of the vastness of the galaxy. Some things are just out of reach, too good to be true. He mourns it all the same.
His fingers tenderly push back sweat soaked strands of hair from your face. You look up at him, blurry-eyed, but still so resolute--lips thinned, smoldering with anger. God. He swipes a finger across your lip just to know what it feels like, and likes it better for the fact that you jerk away so aggressively that you knock your head back into the wall.
His tongue clicks. "You should've known, after following me all those weeks, that I'm good at this."
Jackson wraps his fingers tightly around your jaw, forcing you to meet his eyes. You give in, mostly because you have so little energy to protest. His eyes look ominously glacial, lit up only by the moonlight cascading in from the window.
You look down at his lips; the flesh there is still swollen, broken from the harsh swing of your elbow earlier in the night. His tongue spears out to feel at the area. "You're a sloppy assassin, baby. My blood's all over this goddamn place. All over you--" he gestures down to your simple white tee shirt, which has been made dirty with dirt, sweat, blood. You don't care. You feel dizzy and half-scared to pass out, to even think of it, because you've never seen him look quite like this.
You think back to that first time you met him, how he had seemed so polite. He was traveling by train to visit his folks back home for Christmas (he said things like 'folks' in a crisp Midwestern accent, for God's sake). He had said he worked in life insurance policy, which made you laugh and caused him to say, "I know, I know--ironic, Jack Rippner dealing out life insurance." You had thought it was ironic. It is: ironically cruel.
He buys his ties from GAP, his dress shirts from Macy's, likes EggNog and celebrates the fourth of July with as much enthusiasm as any plain, good-hearted American man can.
He’s met your mother; he loves her breadsticks.
You spit on him. It takes the very last of your strength, but it's worth it to see the way his eyes ignite. His hand wipes it off, thumb running through the saliva on his fingers as his lips purse. "You know," he begins, voice eerily calm, "I always thought we'd make good parents. God knows we've come close to it enough times. You just can't help but beg for my cum in you, the slut you are." He chuckles darkly. "I always imagined that you'd be the good cop and I'd be the bad one."
Jackson pushes your head back into the wall, propping you there, almost choking you, but not quite. You let out a deep, wavering breath. He smirks. "But I see that's not the case now, is it? You don't seem to like very much when I play with my food before I eat it, do you?" His fingers press against your lips again, saliva coated. You let him. "Here I thought, all along, 'my baby's a goddamn pacifist. She didn't even like fishing!' It kept me up at night, the idea of you finding out what I did. But look at you!" His thumb tenderly strokes your neck, moving around a mysterious fluid--could be your blood, his blood, spit, water, anything. "I think if I reached between your legs now, you'd be soaked."
You choke out a sound of protest, wiggling beneath his gasp. He tuts, his fingers digging more tightly into your throat. For a brief moment, you can’t breathe. You find enough strength to claw at his hand, to widen your eyes and plead.
“C’mon, you’ll like this. You always do.” He loosens his grip on your neck.
As you gasp for air, Jackson knocks your legs apart. It doesn’t take much effort to get your cunt—you’d foolishly made the mistake of wearing a dress today—and he hums in delight when his fingers reach past your cotton underwear, confirming what he suspected to be true. His lips form into a mocking pout as your eyes begin to well with tears. It's not fear—you’re beyond that. It’s anger. The betrayal of this curdles inside you, eating you alive. Your eyes fill with ire.
“Don’t be that way,” he shakes his head, softening a degree. He holds your chin between his fingers again, the other hand rubbing wide circles over your clit. “I’m not going to kill you. How could I? I’m not sure what I’m going to do with you, truth be told, but it’s not that.”
Your hips jerk involuntarily, causing him to growl. “That’s the spirit, kitten. When you hit me earlier, I thought—after, of course, 'God she’s a bitch!’—that you might be a good asset. I know you’ve got a lot of morals holding you back right now, so I figure I’ll let you do the easy work at first. Let you think you’re doing some good in the world.” He presses down on your clit, his touch more intent, more focused. You squirm, hating the way he knows that you like it like this.
His fingers slip down into your cunt, wetting them. “Fuck, you’re soaking. If this is how you get when we do this, you might just reform me. I’m not opposed. We—“ he reattaches his fingers to your cunt. You whine, arching into his touch.“—could do good work. I freelance, if you couldn’t tell already. Though I’m sure you can. You’re a thorough investigator when you want to be. That’ll be helpful, too.”
Jackson picks up his pace, swallowing as he stares down at your lap. He can’t see anything, his hand hidden beneath the fabric of the dress and your underwear, but it seems to thrill him all the same. You too, admittedly.
“I—I couldn’t,” you retort, biting at your lip. “You—you kill!”
“Don’t be such a prude,” he deadpans. “It’s political assassinations and occasionally, though very rarely, an innocent bystander. And I do my best to make sure those cases are few and far between. I do.” He presses down more intently, watching with delight as you squirm, trying not to cum. “Oh, go on. It’s just you and me here. No one’s gonna know except me, and I won’t tell anyone. I’m good with secrets. You know that now.”
He’s near exultant, talking to you about this. The pitch of his voice is higher, and he’s looking at you like he’s won a prize of the highest degree. You’d spit on him again if he wasn’t making you feel so goddamn good.
“I won’t do it,” you shake your head firmly. Jackson takes the opportunity to slip a finger in your cunt, to press in and show you how much he has always—will always—know you.
“Okay, okay, I’ll bite,” he soothes, entering another. It’s a squeeze, but a welcome one, especially when he begins to thrust them against the spongy surface of your walls. Your toes curl, and you hate him, hate him violently. “If you want me to be rough, you really only have to ask, but since you like this game so much we’ll play it.”
As he fingers you, he begins to palm your clit. The sensation is overwhelming. Tears cascade down your face and he leans forward, licking them from your lips. The warmth of the orgasm rises in you alarmingly quick, his fingers deftly touching the inside of you, his palm lining with your clit each time you rut involuntarily. Your body knows him. It trusts him. He knows it.
The orgasm licks through you like a goddamn flame, igniting everything and leaving it all worse for it. When you cry out, Jackson smirks, so fucking pleased. But he doesn’t stop. He goes on, rubbing down harder, thrusting in quicker, until you’re wiggling beneath him.
“Please!” you say, trying to move his hand away.
He’s resolute. “No can do, honey. You’ve been a naughty girl, indulgent in the worst way. Gluttony is a sin, and I've been good–I’ve never punished you for it before–but you’ve hurt my feelings now.”
He slides in a third finger, his crystal eyes dark in the shadows. You feel impossibly full, and on the brink of another orgasm. You whine out. He knocks your head back into the wall with force. It doesn’t take your breath away, but it stuns you to silence. “That’ll be enough of that. This is for me now, got it? Getting you all wet so my cock will fit in that tight cunt of yours. Want you to hear it, your pussy taking me.”
As if to prove a point, he thrusts in again, and you do hear it—the way your body allows him in. An obscene squelch. You bite your lip, feel more tears fall down your cheeks.
“Jackson—“ you plead. You’re tired, achy, terribly confused. He works you open so well. You can smell the sour sweet smell of his body odor. You love it. You cannot help it. Your body trusted this man for so long. Still does.
You fool, you tell yourself, before your body gives way to his will again—you collapse into him, screaming out a silent whimper as the orgasm makes you convulse.
“That’s it,” he encourages, not stopping. “Be good for me. If you’re good, we’ll make this enterprise into a family business. If you’re bad—well, we’ll just have to make this our life, won’t we? You all weak, me with all the power. I don’t think you’ll like it, but you understand, it’s how it must be done if you don’t obey.”
He sighs, as if it’s putting him out too.
You know he’s serious. What’s worse is you know he’s right: that you won’t like it, that he’ll get his way eventually.
When you give in, he knows immediately, lips quirking up into a smirk.
“That’s my girl,” he whispers, pressing his lips to your temple. “I always knew you had it in you a little. You were always such a whore for me. I’m happy it worked out so well for us both. Now–” He pushes your legs further apart, moving in with his own hips. “Let’s play your most favorite game. It’s longer, requires more patience, but I like it just as much as you do.”
The jingle of his belt buckle makes a shot of fear, mixed with arousal, shoot up your spine. You think: God, no.
He laughs darkly. “Don’t worry, baby, I’ve been making sure you’ve been taking your birth control. I’m not really ready for that, either. It’s just the idea that thrills you, isn’t it anyway? And that smallest, tiniest chance that it could happen.” He smirks, loosening his belt. His fingers exit you, leaving you empty, feeling scandalized and ruined. Jackson rubs them on the cloth of your dress, uncaring.
“I hate you,” you spit out, venom lacing your words.
He looks thoroughly amused as he releases his weeping cock from his underwear. “No you don’t. You’re just ashamed of yourself. But fear not–” he wipes a tear off your face, “--when we’re done here, you’ll be glad for this. Just remember, baby, that I’m on your side.”
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evertidings · 3 months ago
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— JULY 2024.
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accomplishments.
helloooo!!!!! how's everyone doing? summer's almost over here and it's so strange. like damn, where did the time go?? i hope whatever season it is for you that you're enjoying yourself <33
in terms of the chapter, i think i have a good grasp of how much longer it'll take for me to finish so here it is: expect an update sometime in september, likely towards the middle of the month. at that point it'll be almost a year since the last update (haha don't mention it please i already feel guilty enough as it is) so i really appreciate those of you that have waited so long. seriously, i don't ever want to make you wait for an update for that long ever again. of course, things are subject to change, so there's a chance that this might not happen, but i'm hoping. fingers crossed.
the chapter has been a pretty heavy one so far. maybe not so in terms of the actual plot, but the emotions are high. it's probably why i've struggled so much with it, among other things that have happened in my life.
right now i'm writing three scenes at once, with the hopes of finishing one this week. the problem with me is that i'll start scenes and then leave them for me to finish later, which is exactly what it is now: later. so i'm cursing myself for leaving all this work but on the bright side, the majority of it is done and it's really just filling in the gaps and blanks. as long as i can push through this, we're good.
my biggest obstacle will probably be the editing for this chapter, since i wrote some of it months ago. like, maybe february months ago. but we'll tackle that when we get there. as you can tell, there's a lot of "i'll just hope for when we get there" going on. maybe it's a bad tactic, but for now, i'm looking directly at what i have in front of me and will wait to worry about whatever i have to do in the future, in the future. so yeah.
once again, thank you so much for your patience! i promise the chapter is coming as soon as i can get it out to you. i hate the long wait too but i'll make it worth it <3
stats.
chapter total: ~35,890 words (+14,790)
game total: ~507,890 words
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loveyhoons · 6 months ago
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SAY YOU WON’T LET GO ᯓᡣ𐭩 | p.js
pairing: park jongseong x f!reader
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genre: non-idol au! new guy in the city jay!
synopsis: you did not expect to fall for your little brother’s new guitar teacher nor did you expect him to show up in your class as a new student either
featuring: all of enha! (maknae line aged down to 12 for purpose of story!!) , ningning & karina from aespa, julie from kiss of life, taehyun & beomgyu from txt
word count: 9.8k words
warnings: mild cussing, kissing
author’s note: hewo everyone!! i wrote this in celebration of jay’s birthday and wanted to write a fluff one shot! he sang say you won’t let go during the oakland stop and WAHH he did so good :’) i thought it was a good idea to include this song into the story
for the setting, i was thinking of this story taking place in new york, but you can imagine it to be any state in the east coast honestly!! this oneshot spans out so there is a few time jumps here and there but it's not too much ~
happy reading <33
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You walked into the music store with your 12-year-old brother Jungwon, hearing a song playing faintly in the background. You said a quick good morning to the lady at the front as she was ringing up a customer buying reeds for his clarinet.
As you carried Jungwon’s guitar case, he ecstatically looked at the guitar picks, waiting for his guitar lessons to start. You sat in the seats by the entrance, waiting for time to pass by, debating if you should get a pastry in the nearby bakery. 
It was the last Friday before school would start again. Jungwon chose his guitar lessons to be early in the morning during the summer, dragging you along with him. 
With your parents both at work and your grandma visiting your home country for the entire summer, you were asked to bring Jungwon to his guitar lessons.
As much as you hated waking up early, you always went because of your little crush on his guitar teacher Heeseung Lee. 
Heeseung went to your high school and was a year above you. You never made advances per se but always loved sparking up a conversation with him whenever the lesson would finish for the day. You remember the day you met him during your freshman orientation and you immediately were stunned by how friendly he was to you and your group. 
With the years passing by, you would just give him a wave or a how are you during passing period. It made your heart flutter even if it was just the smallest interaction. 
You admired him because he was sweet and kind- exactly what you looked for in a guy. You were miserable to find out he was going out of state for university, trying your best always to drop off Jungwon, just to be able to talk to him. 
Looking at the time at the clock, it was 9:58 AM meaning Jungwon’s lessons should start soon. You nudged Jungwon, telling him to go towards the hallway on the left to one of the practice rooms. 
The two of you walked towards the hallway and you handed him his guitar case as he walked into the practice room. You peeked in, surprised to find no one there. Heeseung was usually early, it was weird for him not to be. 
“Oh hey, sorry, I’m here.” You turned around to find an unfamiliar guy standing beside you. With his jet-black hair, tan skin, and catlike smirk, you gulp a little. As much as you were loyal to your little crush on Heeseung, you had to admit to yourself he was a bit too cute. 
The guy looked towards you as you raised your eyebrow. “Oh, is Heeseung not here today?” 
“Oh, he left already for uni.”
“Sorry, I forgot to tell you, my last lesson with him was last week…” You glanced towards Jungwon who started to whistle, slowly taking his guitar out of his case. 
Feeling like you were about to combust any moment, you calmed yourself down and let out a little smile. “Oh.” 
“I’m Jay by the way,” The guy extended his hand. “I’ll be Jungwon’s new guitar teacher.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N, Jungwon’s sister.” You shook his hand.
“We’ll get to it then. Nice meeting you.” Jay smiled. 
You nodded your head as you waved bye to Jungwon, walking towards the outside of the music shop. You went straight to the bakery, wanting to eat your own heart out. 
You were heartbroken, to say the least, but you started to think to yourself that maybe it was truly the end of your little infatuation with Heeseung. 
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“I am going to kill him, why did he not tell me?” You screamed into your pillow, in disbelief of what happened in the morning. 
After Jungwon’s lesson, you dropped him off at his friend Sunoo’s house. You were scolding him, annoyed that he did not tell you Heeseung was leaving. In his defense, Heeseung should have told you- which was a good point. You tried to think back if you zoned back in your past conversations if you missed him mentioning him leaving this week. He did not post anything about leaving on his Instagram either so you were gobsmacked. 
But then again, he already left, what can you do? 
You immediately called your best friend Ningning to tell her of your little encounter with Jay. She came running-literally running as soon as you got home, telling her to spill all the details of what happened. 
Ningning sat in your chair by your desk, eating a bag of potato chips. She looked towards you and shrugged. “Hey, but you admitted Won’s new teacher is cute.”
“That is not the point!” You sighed as you put down the pillow. “Heeseung left!”
“Girl, you did not say anything to him while he was still at school.” Ningning sighed. “I know he’s cute and all but maybe this is good for you.”
“I know Ning, but ugh.” 
“Hey, we start our last year this Monday. Come on, be excited. I know you’ll forget about him.”
“You just want to hear more about Won’s new teacher, don’t you?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Ningning giggled.
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You sat in your Statistics class, yawning. It was only the first class of the day and you already wanted to go home. With your teacher reading the class syllabus out loud and the material shown on the projector, you slouched in your seat a little, ready to drift off into a nap.
A knock came from the door as you peered towards it. Your classmate opened the door as a familiar face walked through. You sat up in your chair a little, baffled by who was standing right in front of the classroom.
Jay?
“Listen up class, we have a new student transferring in from-”
“Seattle.”
“This is Jay Park and starting today he will be going here. Give him a warm welcome.”
The students all looked towards him giving him a polite hello. You can already see a few girls in your class, gawking in awe over Jay, fawning over his looks.
 As you realized there was an empty seat next to you, you blinked your eyes rapidly as he took a seat. You can already hear some girls whispering, looking at the both of you. 
“So we meet again Y/N.” Jay smiled as he took off his bag.
“Hello to you too Jay.” You replied, turning your head slowly back to the front of the classroom.
The ironic part of everything was that Jay had a lot of classes with you. Despite both of your electives being different, you had most of your classes together such as Statistics, Literature, Anatomy, and Government. And he sat next to you for each class.
As you set your belongings down, you waited for Ningning and your other friend Julie in the cafeteria. You parted ways with Jay after Government as he had Culinary and you had Yearbook. You were still in shock, your friend Taehyun asked you if you were okay in class, staring at the blank canvas that was on the computer screen.
“There you are!” Ningning smiled as she took a seat. Next to her, Julie took a seat too, putting her stuff down. “Hey Y/N!” 
“Hey…funny story.” You let out a dry laugh. “Guess who’s a new student in our grade.”
“No way,” Ningning replied.
“Is this the guy you were telling me about this morning?” Julie asked as you nodded your head. “My luck is so good guys, I swear.”
“My manifestations worked.” Ningning put her hands together as she smiled. “This year is about to get more interesting.”
You rolled your eyes as you took a sip from your water bottle. “Okay, you can stop it now.”
“Let me guess? You had a lot of classes with him too.” Julie asked as Ningning and her looked at you intently.
“Yes. But that’s beside the point, I already got some girls staring at me like a hawk. I just wanted peace this year.” You complained.
“First Heeseung now Jay, you can’t catch a break.” Ningning cooed.
“And I’ll see him again later to drop off Won.” You glanced up to find Jay already in the line with your other classmate Jake. 
You looked down at your food, feeling like you saw stars. Why was he everywhere?
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It has been a week since Jay transferred to your school. You still were warming up to him, a bit quiet whenever you guys would sit next to each other in class. You guys did not talk about much. Your conversations usually consisted of classwork homework or any projects that would be due soon. 
You already had some girls in your classes who asked how you knew each other and if he had a girlfriend. You specified he was Jungwon’s music teacher and that’s how you knew each other. 
It was annoying to the point where you’d be in a bad mood whenever you were in class or just out and about ready to leave due to how many questions would be asked in a day.
Either you were still sad over Heeseung or just baffled he left. You felt bad because you did not mean to treat Jay like that, you just weren’t good at adapting to changes so quickly. 
As Jungwon unzipped his guitar case, you said a quick goodbye. Jay walked into the hallway as he waved. 
“Hey Y/N.” Jay smiled as you waved back. “Nice to see you again.”
Jay then crossed his arms as he leaned against the doorframe. “Jungwon told me you’re not used to me teaching him yet.” 
You looked to him in confusion then back to Jungwon who started to whistle. He then put his guitar down and walked out of the practice room. “Uh, I need to use the bathroom.” 
As he walked away you looked back to Jay in confusion. “What did my brother tell you?” 
“Well, he said that you had a little crush on Heeseung- don’t get mad at him though I swear I won’t say anything.” Jay chuckled a little as he rubbed his neck.
“Oh uh-oh-” You were too stunned to reply.
You didn’t know how to react. You were annoyed that Jungwon just exposed your little crush but also felt a bit bad because Jay seemed a bit more pressured than he should have been. 
“Don’t worry though I’ll prove that I’m a good teacher too,” Jay replied. “After all I’ve been playing guitar since I was small.” 
The both of you let out a small smile, not saying a word. You felt terrible. You did not realize your little actions made it seem like you hated Jay when honestly you did not know him to even act like that. 
“Jay, I’m so sorry, I hope my brother didn't make it seem like I hate you. I know you’re capable of teaching him.” 
“No, you’re good I get it.” Jay then stood from the doorframe and smiled. “I hope in these next few weeks, you’ll maybe change your mind on some things.” 
You muttered a little “huh” in confusion as Jungwon came back. He waved bye to you as Jay did the same.
What was that supposed to mean? 
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For the next couple of weeks, your routine consisted of dropping off Jungwon at his guitar lessons after school and taking photos for the yearbook after the football games. You were exhausted, to say the least, wishing you could go back to sleep. You were glad your grandma picked up Jungwon from his guitar lessons so you could just stay after school for most of the week. 
Jay and you started to become acquaintances, talking here and there. You both would eventually work on classwork together and walk to your classes during the passing period. 
You were happy you gained a new friend- somewhat. You did feel sorry for that small misunderstanding but was glad it was resolved. 
You learned that Jay was a big baseball fan, loved all different kinds of music, and was an only child. You also learned he loved anime and could speak a few basic sentences of Japanese- you were impressed, to say the least.
You also found out that the owner of the music shop was his uncle and that’s how he became a part-time guitar teacher. With Heeseung being away, his uncle offered him the position, asking him if he could step in. 
You also learned that he moved here in hopes of scouting for places he could go to university in the future. With his mom still a bit worried he’ll be a bit too far from home, he thought the best option would be to stay with his Mom’s brother and his family in another state. 
Having some free time in the Yearbook, you decided to visit Jay in Culinary and take some photos of the class. Snapping photos of the variety of baked goods the students cooked, you could smell the aroma of cookies that lay in the back of the room. 
The assignment of today’s class was to bake a fresh batch of baked goods to start the semester. 
You walked by each of the tables, delighted by all the different goods. 
As you walked towards Jay, he was slicing the banana bread he made as he blew carefully on his fingers as it was still hot. He put the knife down as he glanced towards you, waving. “Y/N, try the banana bread.” 
You waved, setting the camera down. “Wow, someone’s a chef.” 
“Get a piece,” Jay said as he walked over towards the sink.
You said a quick thank you, taking a bite. You glanced back up at Jay and nodded your head. “Geez, this is good.”
“Thank you, thank you I try.” Jay smiled as he walked back towards you. “You know, you can get another slice before you leave.” 
“No, isn’t this for a grade?” You raised your eyebrow, unsure. 
“I made two, the other one is over there by the oven still.” Jay pointed towards the oven as you smiled. “You’re too kind.”
You got a paper towel put the sliced banana bread on it and smiled. “Thank you again.” 
You and Jay talked for a little as you headed back quickly to your classroom, seeing that class would end soon. 
When you got back, you set your banana bread down on the desk, packing your camera in its bag.
“Oo, that looks good who made that?” Taehyun asked as he stood by your desk.
“Jay did, here get a small piece.” You said as he ripped a piece off.
“Okay, you were not kidding this is good.” Taehyun nods his head. “Aren’t you lucky you have a friend who can make snacks for you during the day?” 
You smiled as you put on your backpack. “Mhm, I’m grateful he even shares it with me.” 
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“You know Jay asks about you?” Jungwon said as he ate his chocolate ice cream.
The two of you sat on a bench in the park, enjoying the ice cream you just bought from the corner convenience store. 
It was a Saturday afternoon and you and Jungwon had nothing to do in the house so the two of you decided to just talk for a stroll in the park. The weather was nice today and you both were in the mood to have a sweet treat and just sit for a while. 
“Is that a good or bad thing?” You asked as Jungwon shrugged. “I don’t know, I think he may have a crush on you.”
“Are you not learning anything with him? Do I need to switch out your teacher?” You replied, trying to change the subject.
“I’m just saying! Plus Jay is a really good teacher, don’t switch him out.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “I’m just joking.”
“No but really, he asks me about your favorite songs, what you like to do. He asked me if you played any instruments if you played any sports…” 
“Oh.” You just continued eating your ice cream, hoping Jungwon did not see your cheeks turn a shade of red.
“I don’t know but I find it very cute. Can’t wait to tell Mom you’re getting a boyfriend soon.”
“Won, just eat your ice cream or no one is dropping you off to lessons after school on Monday!” 
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It was homecoming week and you were running all over campus to get photos of the decorations. After dropping Jungwon to his lessons, you would go back to school and start snapping photos, occasionally helping your grade plan to decorate your section. 
With Friday approaching so quickly, you were relieved; ready to sleep the day after. You were happy your friends in Yearbook would cover the dance, as you decided not to go. You were not really into going to events, you just wanted to stay home and rest.
You were currently in the hallway where most of the seniors’ and juniors’ lockers were, decorating the ceiling with some long confetti pieces and streamers. The ladder was a bit unsteady so you decorated a bit slowly, trying not to make too much movement.
Jay was with you as he also decorated the left side of the hallway. With your other friends not involved with the Homecoming preparations, they all already left to go home. He was glad that the other guitar teacher was able to step in for him today- he wanted to help you out. 
You glanced towards him as he helped Taehyun straighten out the banner at the end of the hall. You felt your cheeks burn a little, thinking about your little talk with Jungwon. Was it possible that he may have had a small crush on you? You just met a few months ago- how did he fall so quickly if so? 
As Jay turned his head in your direction, you looked away as you put the last streamer up on the ceiling with some protective tape. As you were about to take a step down, you felt the ladder wobble, you tried to stay balanced but your foot stumbled a bit off the top step.
Jay ran to you as quickly as he could with Taehyun after him. He then caught you right in his arms right before you fell on the floor. 
“Y/N, are you okay?” Jay asked in a panic. He held you in his arms as you hiccuped a little. You nodded, covering your mouth. You had your arms wrapped around him, and the two of you stayed in the same position for a few more seconds. 
You could see Taehyun trying hard not to giggle as he looked away, pretending not to see anything.
Jay put you down gently as you scratched your head a little, embarrassed.
“Thanks for catching me, erm, do you mind helping me put the ladder away?” You asked Jay as he nodded his head.
“You sure you don’t need to see the nurse or anything?” Jay asked.
You nodded your head giving a thumbs up. “I’ll be okay.” 
The awkward silence between the both of you ensued when you walked towards the storage room.
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Jungwon’s friends tagged along with you and Jungwon to his guitar lessons. They wanted to go to the arcade after he was done and agreed to wait with you outside the store. You decided to go with them too, as you had nothing to do after class. It was the one day you were free and only had homework to do in the evening- it felt like a relief.
As soon as Jungwon called you to tell you he was done, you and his friends Sunoo and Ni-Ki went to pick him up.
The three of you walked into the music store and towards the hallway to wait for Jungwon. As he walked out of the hallway, Jay walked behind him as he waved towards you.
“Jay, this is Sunoo and Ni-Ki, my best friends.” Jungwon smiled cheekily as the two boys waved to Jay.
“Nice to meet you two. Where you all heading?” Jay asked.
“We’re going to the arcade across the street,” Sunoo replied.
“You should come! Y/N is all alone.” Jungwon offered as you glanced at him in confusion.
Jay looked towards you as he shook his head. “Oh no guys-”
“There’s a plushie I’ve been wanting.” You blurted out loud as the boys looked at you. “You want to help me win it?” 
Jay’s eyes lit up a little as he looked at the time. “You know what the person after Jungwon canceled, I can come.” 
The boys cheered as he went back to get his bag and lock the practice room. He went to tell his uncle in the back he would be back later and met you guys outside. 
Jungwon nudged your arm a little as he smirked.
Oh how sneaky your little brother was. 
You and Jay were in front of the crane machine looking at the Pompompurin plushies that were scattered inside. You sighed a little in frustration- you’ve been wanting it for a month already. 
Knowing how the arcade changes its stock frequently, you were determined to win it this time.
“A month?” Jay asked as you nodded your head. “My luck is not good.”
Jungwon peeked behind the other crane machine as Sunoo and Niki did the same.
“Your sister is blushing red like a tomato.” Sunoo giggled. Ni-Ki shook his head. “Jay is worse, he seems nervous like he can’t win it."
“Shh guys, let’s see if he’s successful,” Jungwon told his friends, looking back towards you and Jay.
As Jay put a token into the coin slot, the circus music started to play from the machine as the crane started to let loose from its spot. Jay cracked his knuckles as he moved the crane around, focused.
You smiled to yourself, seeing how focused Jay was. He never seemed so determined in his life to get something and you appreciated he was doing it all for you. As he set the crane on top of the Pompompurin plushies that were laid down towards the right of the front side, he took in a deep breath. He looked from the side as you held your breath a little, hoping it would work out.
Jay then pressed the button, hoping it would pick up the plushie. As the crane went down and scooped the plushie, it dropped as soon as it reached the top. 
You heard Jay said “shit” as you shook your head, reassuring him it was okay. Jay shook his head, stretching his neck. “No, I will win it.”
Jungwon giggled from behind as he, Sunoo, and Ni-Ki were too invested. They decided to go towards you guys and see if Jay was successful this time.
“Moral support!” Sunoo cheered.
Jay’s face started to get pale; he did not want to embarrass himself even more right now. He put another token into the coin slot and took in a deep breath. He aimed for the same Pompompurin, asking the boys to go on the side and see if the angle was okay. 
The Pompompurin was dropped closer towards the exit- he hoped this time around it would work out.
As soon as he angled the crane, the boys looked at the side and gave him a thumbs up, telling him it was okay to press the button. 
The 5 of you looked towards the stuffed animal in hopes it would work. As soon as the crane got it, it stayed intact and was then dropped towards the exit. You all cheered and screamed in excitement, not caring if anyone was looking.
“Jay, holy shit, thank you!!” You squealed. 
You got a bit too excited and hugged Jay as he hugged you back. Not realizing the two of you were so close to each other, you both then let go as he rubbed his neck.
“No problem. I’m glad you got it.” Jay replied, trying not to bring attention to his flustered cheeks. 
Jungwon bent down to get your Pompompurin plushie and held it up. “He is finally going to a new home.”
“Jay, you need to help me get my Charmander plushie please!” Ni-Ki said as Jay nodded his head. “Oh yes, where is it?”
As he and Sunoo led Jay towards the other crane machine, Jungwon handed you the plushie.
“He’s a keeper!” Jungwon smiled as he walked quickly towards the others.
“What did you say?” You asked, rolling your eyes.
You then looked back towards your plushie, feeling too happy. You then felt your heart race a little as you held the plushie to your chest.
Why did your heart race as soon as you and Jay let go after your hug? 
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With the month of November rolling around the corner, it meant that it was the annual talent show. Your school always had a talent show right before the Winter season, showcasing different grades and their variety of skills. 
Jay told you he and his friends Jake and Sunghoon signed up with him- as a dare from their classmates in their band class. You never heard Jay sing- from what Jungwon said, he had a nice voice. He did not want to give you any spoilers, saying that you would enjoy watching them sing. 
You told Ms.Ling, the Yearbook teacher, that you wanted to volunteer to take photos for the event and take over the page since it was still empty. So here you are now, getting ready and setting up all the cameras making sure the angle looked nice.
“What made you want to join the page for the talent show?” Taehyun asked as he walked up to you, holding his camera.
“Nothing, I just wanted to watch that’s all.” 
“Mhm, okay. Anyway, I saw the list, and seems like Jay and his friends are the 5th group to go.”
Taehyun scurried away as his friend Beomgyu was calling him from the front of the stage. You rolled your eyes, sitting down by the camera on the long tripod. 
People slowly started to walk in as the show would start soon. You had your camera in your hands, sitting back, waiting for time to pass. 
As it then was already 7 pm the front doors to the theaters closed and the lights started to dim. Your other friend Karina who was also in charge of the page took a seat next to you.
“Go ahead and take pictures from the side, I’ll help the school news team record.”
“You sure?” You ask as Karina nods her head, giving a thumbs up.
You then stood off saying Excuse me to the family on the left of you, walking towards the middle aisle.
The host of the evening which was Beomgyu stood in the center with the drama teacher welcoming the audience. You turned on your camera and started to adjust the brightness, ready to take photos. 
The first group was just introduced as you walked closer to the stage, taking photos as Taehyun did the same on the other side. You snapped a few from different angles, making sure the photos came out just right.
So far, the groups that performed were a dance team, another performed magic tricks, and another impersonated famous people. The group after was two people who juggled pins which you were very impressed by. 
Then it was time for Jay and his friends to come up. 
As soon as Beomgyu said their names, the three walked up and pulled up wooden stools in the middle. Beomgyu helped put a mic stand in front of Jay’s stool as Jake and Sunghoon held their own mics. 
Jay had his guitar with him and he smiled as soon as he spotted you in the aisle. You looked back, smiling, a bit excited to hear what they were about to sing.
As the trio introduced themselves, Jay then strummed his guitar, a familiar tune starting to play. The whole audience started to gasp, immediately whispering to themselves. 
You realized it was the song Say You Won’t Let Go.
As Jay sang the first part of the song, you started to snap photos- as in click the button as many times as you can. Seeing you already took a handful, you put your camera down to enjoy the performance.
Little cheers started to erupt as Jake took the chorus and Sunghoon took the part after. You started to cheer a little as Jay sang the second chorus, and the audience started to sing along. 
After the boys finished, everyone cheered as you clapped. As Jay caught your eye you gave him two thumbs up as he laughed a little, smiling. “Someone’s a fangirl.” You then looked next to you as Taehyun also cheered. You just laughed it off, letting Taehyun have it this time. 
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“So what did you think?” 
You and Jay sat at the corner convenience store, drinking milk tea together. After the show ended, he introduced you to Jake and Sunghoon. As you knew of Jake already from your Algebra 2 class from last year and Sunghoon from PE in freshman year, this was the first time you had a conversation with them. They were nice people and you were glad Jay was taken in by them when he first arrived. 
The two figured Jay wanted alone time with you so they parted ways as soon as you guys got your drinks from the milk tea shop. 
“You’re so good at singing?? I was really surprised.” You replied as you took a bite of your pastry. 
“You didn’t think I would sound good?” Jay joked as you rolled your eyes. “Don’t get too cocky there Mr.”
“Thank you though for actually going, I thought you didn’t plan on going.” Jay smiled. 
As you looked up at him, you felt your heart race faster- just like it did when you guys first hugged at the arcade. It was a strange feeling for you because not once did your heart ever beat like this for anyone else, heck it never beat like this when you had a crush on Heeseung either.
“It’s no problem. Think of it as a thank you for being such a great friend and also a good teacher to Won.” 
“You are too sweet Y/N.” Jay took a sip of his milk tea as you poked to his cheeks. “Did I make you blush?” 
“No!” Jay choked out a little. 
“Aw, I made you blush.” You giggled as Jay shook his head. “You’re seeing things.” 
Maybe you are starting to believe that Jay did have a little crush on you. 
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Jay still did not know his way around city- more like he just never got the chance to. With his uncle busy at the shop and his aunt still at home, taking care of his little cousins, he only knew the route to and from the school and the area around it.
You felt bad he never got to explore the area and decided to spend the entire day going to your favorite places. You thought it would be nice to unwind with Jay for the day- considering you both never went out on your before. 
You put on your sneakers, looking at the mirror on the top of the shoe cabinet.
As soon as you saw a notification pop up from your phone and saw Jay’s message, you opened the front door.
You said a quick bye to your grandma who was currently watching a game show on the TV. 
You walked outside, closed the front door, and saw Jay standing in front of your house. The both of you unknowingly color-coordinated today, both wearing dark blue and black jeans. 
“Good afternoon,” Jay said as you smiled,waving back. “You ready to go?”
“Yup, let’s go. I’m excited to see what you have planned.” 
The two of you walked then towards the bus stop by your house, waiting for the next bus to arrive. As soon as it came you both paid your fares and went to the middle as you took the window seat. 
You rode a bit further down to the other side of the city. The two of you talked for a little, him asking you what building was what and which parts of the city you go to often. 
You both then got off a few minutes after and stood in front of a beach walk. 
“Oh wow, it’s pretty over here,” Jay said in awe. 
“We can get some ice cream floats then walk on the beach. How does that sound?” You asked as he nodded his head. “You are in charge today, I’m just following you around.” 
The two of you then walked towards the small shops by the beach walk and went straight into the ice cream parlor. 
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After enjoying large chocolate floats, the both of you walked on the beach as the breeze softly caressed both of your guys’ faces. You both decided to sit for a little and wait for the sunset. 
“Ah, thank you for showing me your favorite part of the city today, I enjoyed it.” Jay thanked you.
You smiled in relief. “I’m glad. I didn’t know if you would like it or not.” 
“I’m guessing you come here quite often?” 
“Yup. I used to come here often with my parents.” 
“What happened?” Jay asked as he leaned back a little.
“Well they just get busy that’s all. We don’t have time to go out anymore because they both work long-hour shifts. That’s how I figured out bus routes to certain places so I can take Won and me out whenever I have some free time.”
“You’re a really good sister, I hope you know that,” Jay replied. “I don’t have any siblings but I can tell that you care for Won a lot.” 
“Thanks, Jay, I try, I do.” You sighed. 
The two of you then looked at each other. You felt your cheeks burn a little as he sat a little closer next to you. You gulp as the sky slowly starts to turn a darker shade of pink. 
As the sun slowly started to set, Jay leaned in closer and he turned his neck a little, leaving a kiss on your lips. You did not pull away as you both stayed in the same position for a few more seconds. 
You both then sat aback, as a little smile left your lips. You tried not to show your smile, looking at your feet dig into the sand. 
Jay was your first kiss,
And you felt like you were floating on a cloud, glad it was him who took it. 
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Ever since you shared a kiss with Jay, the two of you did everything together. It was to the point he and his friends also joined you guys at lunch in the cafeteria and even took the same bus going home. 
The two of you would subtly brush your hands against each other while walking, sometimes he’d intertwine them and sometimes he’d draw circles in your palms.
Your friends already got the hint something was going on between the both of you; they just let things be, waiting for you guys to admit to whatever was going on. 
You sat in the library with Ningning, Julie, Jay, and his friends. You guys sat at the large table, looking at your laptops reading each other’s college application essays. 
It honestly did not cross your mind about applying to college so soon. You decided just to stay locally as Ningning and Julie wanted to go out of state. You were too attached to stay home and did not know whether you wanted to leave just yet- also because you did not want to leave Jungwon yet either.
“Where did you plan to go?” You asked Jay as he closed a tab on his laptop. He sighed and shook his head. “Honestly I don’t know yet. I was thinking of just staying here.” The others smiled to themselves as Ningning and Julie held a giggle to themselves.
“Oh, you’re considering on staying here too?” 
“Yeah, why are you?”
“Mhm.” You nodded your head. “My parents are always busy with work, Grandma is getting old. I feel like Won will have no one, as much as he drives me off the walls, I don’t want him to be alone.” 
Jay nodded his head. “Makes sense.” 
“I’ll still apply though to other schools, it’ll be a second option if anything.” 
“Tell me which schools, maybe we can go to the same ones,” Jay replied as you nodded your head, showing him your possible schools. 
What you didn’t know was that Jay wanted to originally go to where Sunghoon and Jake were planning on going to- which was a school in Los Angeles. He planned to apply soon too but as soon as he heard you wanted to stay, he wanted to stay too.
He thought he was going insane when he made a choice so quickly but in fact, he probably fell in too deep when it came to you. He already had the change of scenery he wanted and he liked it here with you. He did not mind if he kept working at the music store and did not mind either if he had to stay with his uncle and his family still. He felt like it was just right to stay here. 
“That leaves the two of you to stay here, won’t you guys miss us.” Julie sighed as you shook your head. “Think of it this way, wherever you guys go, it gives us a reason to visit.”
“Fair enough,” Sunghoon replied as he and Jake switched their laptops.
You and Jay looked at each other’s essays, pointing out some grammar mistakes and poking fun at the little typing errors. 
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You walked into the music shop to pick up Jungwon’s guitar. He and Jay inspected his guitar last week and figured it needed some quick repairs as some screws were loose. With Jungwon out on a volunteer trip for school, you decided just to pick it up for him.
It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and things were still calming down. You and your friends all submitted your college applications the week before, feeling a relief of calmness wash over all of you. 
You decided to apply to 3 schools as Jay applied to 4. He also applied to a school back in Seattle just in case things didn't work out here. 
You secretly hoped you both would be accepted to the nearby university which was 10 minutes away. Since everyone else was leaving, it would be nice just to have one person by your side-especially if it was Jay.
Now it was just a waiting game for the results. 
“Hi, I’m here to pick up-Heeseung?” 
As the boy turned around, he waved and smiled. “Hi Y/N, long time no see.”
“You’re back?” You replied in confusion.
“Oh no, I’m just visiting. I go back this Monday. I figured I’d say hi to Mr. Kim before I go back.” 
“And you’re working here for the day?” You asked, setting down your phone on the table.
“One of the workers called in sick and he asked if I could help out. I had nothing to do anyways.”  
Jay then walked out of the practice room, waving bye to his student. As he walked out towards the front, he saw you and Heeseung talking. With his guitar in one hand, he turned his head a little, realizing that it was the guy Jungwon was talking about.
He remembered his uncle saying that one of the old workers would take a shift for the day but did not expect it to be Heeseung. 
Jay saw your doe eyes and how they lit up a little. He saw you smile intently as you asked Heeseung how he was doing and how university was for him. He held on to his guitar, thinking if he should interrupt but just walked back to the hallway towards the back room, feeling a bit unamused. 
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“Can you believe he joined their rugby team and is also part of the music department’s main singers for their events?” You said as you moved a few Christmas decorations to the living room. 
Jungwon tuned you out a little as he focused on putting the Christmas tree together. 
As your parents and your Grandma were out currently buying more Christmas decorations, you and Jungwon decided just to prepare the tree and put the stockings by the fireplace before they came back.
Setting down the last box, you sighed. “Won, did you hear anything of what I was saying?” 
“I mean I did for the first half,” Jungwon replied as he put the plastic pieces on the stand of the tree. “But then I didn’t hear anything you said for the second half.”
“I just wanted to let you know how Heeseung was doing.” 
“Mhm, about Jay, did you see him? He was working today.” 
“Oh really? I texted him and he said he wasn’t there.”
“Interesting,” Jungwon mumbled as he tried the put the middle of the tree together. 
“Why? I don’t like Heeseung like that anymore, it felt nice. It was like catching up with an old friend.” 
When you saw Heeseung again, you felt a wave of nostalgia hit you. You felt like a lot of things changed since he left and you felt like your little crush on him disappeared. It was cause your heart is now with someone else. 
And that someone is Jay.
“So are you openly admitting to me that you like Jay now?’ Jungwon’s eyes lit up. He waited patiently for an answer from you as you then threw a pillow at him from the couch. “I am not admitting to anything.”
“You’re boring.” Jungwon huffed as he then went back to fixing the tree. 
You smiled to yourself, humming the beginning of the song Jay sang at the talent show. 
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“Yeah guys, it’s bad, I don’t know.” Jay sighed as he kicked the ball into the net. 
He and the boys were at the park playing soccer. He called the boys as soon as he got a call from his mom in Seattle, saying that his grandpa had fallen ill and was rushed to the hospital. He and his uncle were thinking of making a trip back to Seattle after Christmas to visit.
“We just hope everything will be okay man.” Jake sighed. “Have you told Y/N?” 
“Not yet. I sorta told her I could not hang out yesterday after I saw her talk to Heeseung, I feel like an idiot being a bit jealous right now.” 
Jay took a seat in the middle of the field with the soccer ball and rolled it in between his arms. Sunghoon and Jake also took a seat next to him, grabbing their water bottles.
“You’re acting like you guys did not just kiss a week or two ago,” Sunghoon said. “We see the way she looks at you.” 
“Yeah, she gets all smiley and giggly with you. There is no way she likes Heeseung like she used to.” Jake agreed.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a bit skeptical about how things will end.” 
“Enjoy for now then man, you got some time before Christmas,” Jake said as Sunghoon nodded his head. “You have some time, maybe you can finally tell her how you feel.” 
“I mean, I want to but-”
“But what?” Sunghoon asked.
“What if I don’t come back you know?”
“You are acting like you can’t visit or whatnot!” Jake sighs. “Come on, we’ll support you no matter what happens, I bet that’s the same for Y/N too.” 
“I’ll think of something…” Jay muttered. He wanted to make sure to spend a bit of time with you before he leaves. He was quite unsure whether his mom wanted him back home sooner than thought; he wanted everything to be perfect when it came to you. 
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Jay sat nervously in the practice room. He asked Jungwon and his friends to help decorate the practice room the night before. With his uncle’s permission, they decorated the practice room in fairy lights and plated your favorite cookies and desserts from the bakery across the street. 
He had his guitar in his hands a bit nervous, shaking his head. He sang in front of a large crowd before heck, he’s done it so many times back at home for school events. Why was he so nervous with you just being his only audience? 
Jungwon told him that you’ve played the song he sang at the talent show around the house and in the car. He told Jay that it was your favorite song at the moment and it’s been like that for weeks already. 
Jay thought serenading you with the song would be a good idea. He asked his friends and your friends for their opinions and they all thought it was a sweet idea. And so everyone helped him with the past week's plan while Jungwon and his friends helped him decorate the practice room.
You thought Jungwon had lessons so you just dropped him off after class as per usual. You could not help but look at Jungwon on the bus as he was all smiles and giggles. You just figured he and his friends had a lot of fun in class beforehand.
As you got off the bus, the two of you went straight to the music shop. Mr.Kim was at the front desk and greeted you both. 
You both went straight to the practice room as the door was closed. Jungwon took his guitar case from you and smiled. “I think you should be the one to go in.” 
“Huh, what?” You replied in question.
“Thank me later.” Jungwon walked away towards Mr.Kim as you looked to him in confusion. 
You opened the door as you saw Jay sitting right in the middle of the room. He was sat on the wooden stool and had his guitar in his hands. You gasped a little, closing the door behind you. “J-jay?”
“Y/N,um I wanted to do something special for you,” Jay said a bit nervously. “I hope you like the song I’m about to sing.”
Jay started to strum his guitar and you instantly covered your mouth in shock. It was the song he sang at the talent show.
You felt tears well up in your eyes, a bit overwhelmed. No one has ever serenaded a song to you or ever done something special like this before. It felt like you were in your little romance movie and you were the main character. You were lost for words and could not believe it. 
Jay really did all of this for you. 
As soon as Jay finished singing, he looked up towards you and put his guitar down. He stood up and pouted. “Why are you crying? You didn’t like it?” He wiped the tears off your face, shocked by your reaction. 
You shook your head. “No, no. I’m just- no one has ever done this for me, thank you.” 
“I know it’s obvious but Y/N I like you a lot.” Jay took in a deep breath as he then held both of your hands in his. “Remember the first week I was here? I said I hope you change your mind on some things?”
“Gosh, how do you remember that?” You laughed a little, biting your lip. You tried to hold in more of the tears that streamed down your face.
“I liked you the first time I met you. The more I got to know you and the more I got to be around you, my heart started to save a spot just for you. I know we have a long way to go but I want to be with you.”
“It’s so funny how I despised you at first for no reason.” You let out a small chuckle. “But now, I really want you to stay in my life Jay. I really do.” 
“Can I be your boyfriend Y/N?” Jay asked.
“Yes, yes you can.” You smiled. “100 times yes.”
You swooped in and kissed Jay. He puts his hands on your cheeks and you can feel the tears subside. You did not want to let him go. He was all yours. 
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You sat with Jay on the bus, on the way to the mall. Your friend group wanted to go watch a movie and get some milk tea before finals next week. 
“Y/N, I need to tell you something,” Jay spoke up.
“Mhm, what is it?” You asked.
“Well, you know how my Grandpa isn’t doing well? My mom wants my uncle and I to fly for a few weeks to go visit right after our break starts.” 
“Oh wow Jay, don’t even worry, you need to go.” You replied.
“She’s been talking with my dad about me coming back…” 
“Like permanently?” You asked. 
“I don’t know to be honest.” Jay sighed. He took your hand in his as he looked to you with a weary smile. “I don’t want to just leave you guys.”
“There is always FaceTime and we can always visit each other if you do need to stay.” 
You wanted Jay to focus on his time with his family. They needed him more than ever now and plus with him here, he could not give them his full support. He needed to be there. 
“Thank you for being so understanding Y/N,” Jay said as he kissed your forehead.
“We’ll get through this.” You smiled as he put his arm around you. You got your earbud as you put one in your ear and the other in his. “Here, let me show you my favorite song right now.” 
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It has been around a month since you last saw Jay. He was currently in Seattle with his uncle to visit his Grandpa. You remember him putting his head on your shoulder, stressed about everything a day before he left. You reassured him that everything will be okay and that his Grandpa will recover soon. 
You spent Christmas and New Year at your Dad’s side of the family in New Jersey and stayed there for the entire winter break. You and your friends all facetimed during New Year's, staying up just for Jay to reach New Year's at his place. 
Jay did not come back in time for school to start. He was gone for the first and second week, telling you and your friends that his parents wanted more time with him before he came back. You admit you were a bit scared he would end up staying there. You did not want to say anything and just kept your thoughts and feelings to yourself. You just wish you had more time to do things as a couple if worse did come to worse. 
It was a Tuesday afternoon and the snow started to fall outside. You heard your classmates rush to the window in awe, happy that the snow finally fell after so long. You look as the snow starts to cover the trees and bushes and the parking lot having white specks on the pavement. 
With nothing to do in your free period, you just sat in the library, catching up on some schoolwork and some preparations for college. Ningning joined you as she had nothing to do in her free period either. 
You decided not to tell Jay yet that you got accepted to all the universities you applied to and got into the one in the city. It was a perfect distance from home to school and you could just take the bus still. He did not mention anything yet to you about his applications so you waited until he’d come back.
“Wow, the snow finally came,” Ningning muttered as the two of you looked towards the large window pane by the side entrance. “It seems heavier than usual.”
“We can finally have a snowball fight with the others.” You smiled. “I need to show Jay.” 
“He’s missing out that’s for sure,” Ningning replied as she looked back down to her work.
“I’m just relieved his grandpa is doing much better, Jay told me he can finally get some sleep.”
Jay’s grandpa made a recovery as soon as he and his uncle arrived. He assumed that his grandpa just missed him and what not. You were relieved knowing that his grandpa was doing better than before.
“Me too, that means he can come back to you.” Ningning cheered as she let out a cheeky smile.
“Yea, yea.” You smiled. 
You admit you did miss Jay but knew he needed time with his family. He was appreciative of how understanding you were and felt bad you could not celebrate your first month together physically. He even bought a small cake for both of you and blew it on FaceTime as a celebration. 
“Oh yea, don’t forget, we need to reply to the admissions offices to our chosen schools by the start of February.” 
“Mhm, I’ll get that done soon.” You replied, going back to work on your essay.
“You decided on where you want to go?” 
“Yeah, I think I’m going to stick to our local university.” 
“I’ll miss you Y/N, we really been together for so long.” Ningning pouted. 
“Don’t worry I will try to visit often and you need to give me a campus tour. We got a deal?” 
“Sounds like a plan.” 
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You plop yourself on your bed, grabbing your phone from the top of your desk drawer. After helping your grandma load the dishwasher, you and Jungwon went up to your bedrooms to do some homework. You both were full from the delicious dinner your grandma made and could feel a nap coming in. 
 As Jungwon decided to stop lessons until Jay would get back, you were able to go home earlier and just work on homework. You both spent more time with your grandma, watching her favorite game shows. You and your friends would sometimes tag along with Jungwon and his friends to the arcade. Jake and Sunghoon were helping everyone get the stuffed animals they wanted you, Ningning, and Julie just sat back down, watching it all unfold. 
You glance towards the Pompompurin Jay won for you on the top of your pillows. You smiled to yourself, thinking of him. 
Jay has not texted since late last night. You wondered if everything was okay and decided to check on him. He usually was a fast replier too so you were curious if he was just busy with his family. 
As you were about to text him, his Caller ID appears on your phone screen.
“Jay!” 
“Y/N, I am super sorry, I got busy.” Jay said on the other line. You can hear him panting a little like he was out of breath.
“Are you okay, you seem like you ran a marathon?” You asked as you sat up.
“Look out your window.” 
“What?” 
You stood up from your bed and walked towards the window by your desk. You saw Jay on the side of the street, waving towards you. 
He was here. He was right in front of your window. 
“Oh my god-” 
“Surprise!” Jay said as he waved, jumping. 
“Stay right there, don’t move.” 
You ended the call, immediately getting your winter coat. You ran down the stairs, grabbing your boots, telling your Grandma you’d be back in a few minutes. You opened the front door and ran down the porch as Jay appeared right in front of you. You ran to him and into his arms as he held you tightly. You kissed him out of excitement and pulled away, holding his face in your hands. “You’re not a figment of my imagination right?”
“No, I’m here.” Jay chuckled. “I missed you so much.”
“You’re here for good or you’re heading once we graduate?” You ask. 
“Well… I wanted to tell you but I wanted to tell you in person.” Jay held you close. “I got into the university you wanted to go to. Well, more like we wanted to get into.” 
“Jay, wait, you too?” You smiled. “Me too.”
“I told my Mom I wanted to stay and go to school here. I told her I didn’t want to leave you plus it was the change of scenery I needed away from home.” 
“We are doing this?” You asked as he nodded his head. “I’m not letting you go that easily Y/N.” 
You hugged Jay again, smiling.
You had your fair share of crushes and infatuations, but never did it lead to anything. Jay proved to you that you do deserve someone who loves you just as much as you loved them. He showed through his actions that he cared deeply for you and that he wanted to stay with you even if things were a bit rough at the start. With the snow starting to fall again, the both of you looked up and back at each other. He came right in time to experience the first day of snow with you. 
“Come in, it’s freezing out here. I think my Grandma would like to meet you.” You smiled. “Lead the way,” Jay replied as you held his hand. 
You both walked back to the inside of your house as Jungwon stood on the front porch. Not knowing if he stood there the entire time, you looked at him as he clapped his hands, calling out to Jay. He waved to Jay and immediately hugged him. 
“Y/N move over, I missed my guitar teacher.” Jungwon joked as you laughed, letting him and Jay have their little reunion.
You then welcome Jay into your house as he meets your Grandma who instantly smiles upon seeing him remove his shoes. She greets him, telling him to take a seat. Jungwon stands next to him, immediately bringing over a baby photo of you from the top of the fireplace. 
You closed the front door, removing your shoes. You looked towards the sight in front of you, smiling. Jay looked back at you, holding your baby photo, gawking over how adorable you were.
“Y/N, come here, I’m going to make you guys some hot chocolate.” Your grandma motions to you as she walks into the kitchen.
You nodded your head, removing your coat, and walking over to the living room. You sat next to Jay as he started to go on and on about your missing two front teeth in your baby photo.
You giggled to yourself as Jungwon brought more photos over to him. 
Oh, how thankful you were for dropping Jungwon off to guitar lessons that one summer day back in August. 
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© loveyhoons , 2024
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scoops-aboy86 · 4 months ago
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By The Heart (Secret Admirer pt 2)
Steddie Week 2024, July 2: Hands / touch starved / Invisible Touch by Genesis
wc: 2136 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3
After the world fell apart a second time in November of ‘84, Steve had finished out the rest of his senior year in a daze. Partly because Billy Hargrove had broken a fucking plate over his head, giving him a small scar by his hairline that the doctor said would fade and recurring headaches that the doctor said might stick around anywhere from a few months to forever. 
It’s been more than a few months and the headaches are only slightly less frequent and a tiny bit less severe. 
He graduated, barely. His dad keeps dropping pointed comments about how his parents let him stay in their house rent-free after high school, how he’d saved up while attending a nearby college by not having to worry about the cost of a dorm or basic meals, and that it is his gratitude towards them that has moved him to offer the same to Steve. Usually said comments come after Steve tries to sidestep some sort of menial task, and it always feels like a threat.Steve just grits his teeth and takes it—refills his dad’s drink when the bottle is already literally right by the man’s hand, washes the family car after dinner when both his parents know that Steve has a shift at Scoops first thing in the morning, whatever. He can’t afford to get kicked out right now. 
His job at Scoops Ahoy is shit, all bright fluorescent lights and kids screaming and everything getting sticky for a measly minimum wage, but that probably reflects the quality of the job application he’d submitted. 
He has no friends, no prospects, no one in his corner except a bunch of incoming freshmen and the only one who really seems to want him around is off at some sort of smart people camp that he’d never even heard of… Go figure. 
But he has Secret Admirer. 
Okay, what Steve has is a pen pal who has a PO box and prefers to remain anonymous, possibly because Steve is an embarrassing person to have a crush on these days. And it’s really stupid that he thinks of them as first name Secret, last name Admirer, but it’s not like he hasn’t tried to come up with better names! Unfortunately, there are so many things Secret Admirer has called him (sweetheart, darling, dearest, honey, baby) that he can’t really think of anything original with those constantly rotating in his head… He can’t use them, though. It’d be weird. 
The first letter had been shoved into his locker in the last few weeks of school, looking like someone either wrote it with their non-dominant hand or had also suffered a blow to the head recently, and he hadn’t known what to make of it at first. In fact, he’d considered the possibility that Tommy or Billy were playing some sort of prank on him… but he didn’t think either of them could write “To Steve, the heart of my heart” without bursting into homophobic flames, and if it was Carol she would’ve done her girliest handwriting with hearts dotting the eyes. And his Secret Admirer had mentioned things no one else in his life seemed to care about. 
Like, 
I hope you’re feeling better. Sometimes I notice you squinting or grimacing in the classes we have in common… Are you still getting headaches? Do you get enough rest? You probably already know this, but mental and physical rest are super important for getting your handsome self all recovered, big boy. 
And,
I had a concussion once, not a bad one but it really left an impression. Felt like I was trying to think through a head full of soup for weeks. It sucks that teachers didn’t seem to cut you much slack because, just saying, I noticed they used to do that a lot more when you were still on the basketball and swim teams. Jock privilege placed above consideration of an actual, serious injury? I’m sorry, but that’s the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril, sweetheart, and you deserve better. 
So, yeah. Clearly his Secret Admirer is a nerd who doesn’t necessarily have the best opinion of jocks… but still took the time to notice all those things and write kindly about them. It felt nice, knowing that at least one person out there noticed, maybe even cared. 
And when that letter turned out not to be a one-off, a few more letters in his locker and then one in his mailbox, postmarked and everything, after graduation? Steve was hooked, enough to start writing self-consciously back. 
Which has brought him to the point of wanting so badly to meet this person that he’s stooped to begging, and it’s not even getting him anywhere. 
It’s occurred to him that it could be a guy, of course it has. Steve might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he knows it happens. He’d had a friend in middle school, Todd Fischer, nice guy, totally normal kid—got caught kissing some boy in the next grade up behind the gym and turned out to be the worst sprinter of the two. The Fischers had moved out of Hawkins a few weeks later and Steve hadn’t heard anything from or about Todd since. They’d been halfway through reading Romeo & Juliet in English at the time, and Steve remembers thinking when they got to the end of the play that at least things hadn’t gone that badly for Todd and whoever the other kid was. He’s old enough now to know that it could have; between Todd being such a nice kid, Barb dying in his own backyard, and the threat of government agents coming out of the woodwork if he ever breathes a word about certain secrets, the thought leaves a bad taste in Steve’s mouth. 
Anyway, if it is a guy, that would explain why Secret Admirer keeps dancing around his pleas to meet. And the initially disguised handwriting—which had been dropped by the second mailed letter, along with a brief, sheepish apology. 
But it could also be a girl who’s really shy or something. Steve doesn’t want to assume and then look like a total idiot further down the road. Whoever it is, all Steve knows is that he doesn’t want to lose them. He has to play this smart, play it cool… because he knows himself, and already knows that they have him by the heart based on words alone. 
The latest letter is in his hands, crinkled a little at the edges, and Steve can’t help himself from rereading the fifth paragraph yet again. 
… those indecently tiny shorts. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about running my fingers up the inside of those thighs. Or my mouth. Whichever you think you’d like best, baby, I’m not picky. And while I do like ice cream, particularly strawberry with rainbow sprinkles in a cone, I can think of something else I’d love to wrap my hand around and run my tongue over before any drips can escape. You just think about that, hmm? Maybe share some of those thoughts in your reply, if I haven’t scared you off…
He’s not scared off. Doesn’t need to know exactly who put pen to paper to imagine hands and lips running up his legs, either, an invisible touch that sends shivers along his spine. 
Okay, maybe it’s been a while. Between striking out from behind the Scoops counter and not really trying all that hard anyway, the only action Steve’s seen is from his own hand… and this letter. He has thoughts, alright, but has a much better idea of how to translate them into action than words. And this is his problem with the whole pen pal only thing, his natural charm (if he has any left) is absolutely useless in this medium. 
The other problem is that he really, really wants to jerk off about this, except he’s got almost no details to fuel the fantasy. He knows that Secret Admirer had a concussion once, but not what color or length or texture or style their hair is; knows they’re on the fringes of popularity and not really into sports, but nothing about their height or build or how they might move against him. Hell, he doesn’t even know if they’re a girl or a guy, isn’t sure if he should try to imagine boobies and painted nails or stubbled cheeks and big hands. 
Secret Admirer has mentioned being a smoker though, of both tobacco and grass, and Steve is not exactly proud of how strongly this makes him want a cigarette just because it’s all he has to go on. He has work in under an hour and Robin hates the smell of cigarettes, will be extra vicious for their entire shift if he comes in reeking of smoke. 
He’ll have to figure out something else…
Dear Secret Admirer, Thanks for writing again, I was really glad to get your letter. I don’t sleep with them under my pillow because sometimes my pillow ends up on the floor and I don’t want to drool all over them. I keep them in a box in the back of my closet, because sometimes my parents have the cleaning lady do my bedroom without telling me and I don’t want her going through my stuff or putting it in weird places that I can never find again.  Sorry for laughing at you You must not have seen me last week when I threw a banana peel at my coworker for It’s not being humble if I don’t deserve Yeah, fuck high school.  Sorry for not rewriting this, I’m running out of paper and my dad’ll kill me if I break into his office to get more I definitely thought about what you said in your last letter. I thought about it a lot. It’s hard to figure out how to explain what though, because I wanted to picture you like you were probably picturing me when you were writing it. You obviously know what I look like, but I don’t know who you are so I had to get creative. (Which isn’t my strong suit. So if this is stupid maybe we could just never mention it again?) Since I don’t know what you look like and it’d be weird to try and picture you anyway, and then what if I’m not even close and that makes it seem like I don’t like you for who you are? I’m not sure if that makes sense. But anyway, since I don’t know what you look like I pictured you dressed like a ninja.  Hear me out, okay? You’re such a mystery. Ninjas are mysterious, and dressed all black to blend in with the shadows. You can’t see their hair or face and they wear gloves because you can tell a lot about a person by their hands. I guess what I’m saying is I imagined you sneaking into my room at night when the lights are off. Totally silent but with this powerful presence, you know? I think if I were in the same room as you it’d feel like that moment right before the whistle goes off at a swim meet, because that’s just like, holy shit it’s about to happen and your muscles are all tense but ready but you’re waiting, coiled like a snake. So I’m coiled like a snake and you’re still a ninja and I’m not very good at this. I’ve done it over the phone a few times but that’s different. I don’t know where I’m going with this just sitting writing this alone in my room with Genesis playing in the background so I’m going to stop. Just trust me, it was hot. If you ever want to exchange numbers I’d be happy to tell you all about it sometime.  It feels weird to end like that, so I’ll also tell you that I tried reading that Hobbit book you suggested and you were right, it’s a lot easier than the Rings book that the kids I babysit tried to bully me into reading. Bibo is freaking out about all these dwarves in his house and I can relate, it sounds like when those kids all show up and try to rope me into driving them around town. At least they haven’t tried to make me steal anything or try to take on a damn dragon yet. Hopefully this book won’t give them any ideas.  — Steve PS If that was so dumb you changed your mind about still writing to me, please let me down easy. Seriously it would be no hard feelings. At least I still have a great ass and great hair, so I’ve got that going for me.
Tag list (open): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere
@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop
@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites
@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @thetinymm
@practicallybegging @fuzzyduxk @greatwerewolfbeliever
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makethemhoesmad · 4 months ago
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last kiss
pazzi angst i dare say
it’s july 9th motherfrickers
i wrote this shit by myself because the people i asked for help did not answer
azzi sat stationary on the floor in the cabin her family was occupying, tucked away from everyone else. she was turned toward the window, wrapped up in a hoodie she shouldn’t be nuzzling her face into. thinking about someone she surely shouldn’t be missing right now, not after what had happened. not after what she’d said.
~
paige laughs, letting a tiktok restart for what must have been at least the third time. or maybe it was the fifth. oh. it was only a screen recording of a story she’d watched over and over again before it went away, of a girl kneeling on herself, reading a book while a game was played around her. not just a girl, actually. her girl. her azzi. well, not hers anymore.
~
azzi presses play on her third uconn game rewatch of the night. this time, it’s her favorite one. senior night, from this year. paige was glowing, from the moment she woke up in the morning, to when she fell asleep tucked against azzi that night. azzi hadn’t slept well that night, but she was content with watch the beautiful girl in her arms breath in and out. now, all she has is these games, because she fucked it all up.
~
paige thinks back to the last time she saw azzi, in washington almost two weeks ago. and she thinks of what she said, what she offered, and how azzi turned her down.
~~
“i know i gotta travel a bunch, but what if you just came with me,” paige asks azzi, nudging her playfully. 
“ha, you know we can’t, paige,” azzi states firmly. paige tilts her head to the side questioningly, not seeing the issue.
“why not baby? i’ll miss you too much and we could go see nika play together! i see no problem.” 
being honest, neither did azzi. she had nothing, only an invite for a vacation with her family, and they would understand.
“paige, they’ll know. they already are suspicious, that’s all people talk about. this would only
clarify it.”  
and there it is.
“so that’s why, right? because you’re fucking embarrassed to be with me? you don’t want to have those rumors. so you’re just gonna avoid me. alright, got it.” paige snorts at her own words, at the absurdity of them.
“it’s not like that. it’s just, you have this huge platform built on your career, and i don’t want that to come crashing down because of our relationship, baby please you have to understand this.” azzi doesn’t know what else to say, do, to make paige get it.
“puh-lease. half of my fan base is teenage girls that wanna fuck me. they won’t give two fucks.” paige knows she’s being vulgar, she’s being rude, but she doesn’t care.
“that’s not the point. the point is that teammates shouldn’t date each other and it’ll only cause problems.” 
azzi’s right. deep down, paige knows that. so, she doesn’t know why she lets her words tumble out of her mouth.
“fucking fine, then. we don’t gotta date if you don’t wanna.” and then she goes home.
~
the scent of paige’s hoodie makes azzi miss her even more. she’s in bed now, holding it in her arms and thinking of the night before the day it all happened, the day they fell apart. she thinks of how they kissed that morning, and how she didn’t realize it would be their last. she’s about to fall asleep, letting tears run off her face and into the worn cloth of the sweater, when she hears a car door outside.
~
paige wonders if she should’ve called azzi first, told her she was showing up to say sorry. it’s too late now, she’s already here. she doesn’t even have to knock on the door. it’s unlocked, thanks to azzi’s brother, who was perfectly willing to leave it just so paige could “get azzi out of her fucking mood”. paige hoped she could. 
~
azzi’s scared. she doesn’t know why she heard a car door, and she doesn’t know why the front door just opened. she’s cowering under her blankets when a shadow walks into her room, and just as she’s about to scream, she recognizes it. 
“paige,” she breathes. in an instant, paige has flung herself onto the bed, onto azzi.
“azzi, azzi, i’m sofuckingsorry. i never shoulda said that shit to you, it’s all on me, i need to be with you so bad, all i can think about is you, and, and, and.”
she trails off, sinking her face into azzis chest, unable to continue. azzi strokes her hair soothingly, while speaking.
“paige, darling, i know, i know. it’s okay, i forgive you, all of you.” 
paige starts to sit up, starts to say something, but azzi won’t let her get it out.
“shhh, baby, sleep. i know you musta had a long drive to get all the way here, and all i want from you as an i’m sorry is a night with you here, in my arms.
and then they’re asleep, holding each other like they never left.
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