#feb ‘23 was when I finally felt like I had found my place and I had found my people and like I was allowed to become someone I liked

[nat1nonsense]

I wrote this long before Ashton and Fearne became A Thing, pinky promise!!

This old fic of mine has been getting a lot more attention lately, which is odd considering I posted it a year and a half ago, but I’m not gonna complain!! I’m still very proud of this one honestly, it’s by no means perfect and there are plenty of things I would change if I had written this more recently, but even still, for a 6.6k word, almost entirely fluff, fanfic? It does it’s job well, and I’m proud of it

Anyway. I’m reposting it again because it’s been getting a lot more attention. If it continues to get more and more attention, maybe I’ll start writing and posting again <3

[kyluxtrashpit]

2020 Fic Recap

I really like writing these and 2020 has been a HELL of a year, so here we go lmao. It’s been a wild ride for sure

Total wordcount: 88 109 words (note: I’m subtracting the ‘sorry I didn’t finish this, here’s a summary of the remaining plot’ that I published for a fic in a previous fandom from this since it’s not relevant here). Overall I wrote less than last year, but given all that happened in terms of the world and personally and fandom-wise and all of it, I don’t feel too bad about it lmao. I also have a lot of WIP words of half-finished things and some planning and such so I feel okay with this

Favours, 4906 words, posted Jan 4

This was a weird one cause this is a two chapter reader insert fic, the same story but told with both Phasma and Hux. I originally wrote this for Phasma, but later decided it would be easy to tweak into a Hux story (which it was lmao) and figured people might like that, so I did both. I had fun doing it, even if this is kind of a very small niche ship and trope wise

Know Your Shadow, 5022 words, posted Feb 16

Ah yes, here we are, the first foray into renben, a ship I had NO idea would grab me so hard but here we are lmao. I’m not done with them either yet, don’t you worry. There’s something about the corruption angle I really like, also Ren is HOT, and it’s also interesting to think about Kylo truly getting to find himself and be who he wants to be. Canon didn’t really satisfy on this, but the concept still interests me and it’s what had me writing this fic. Also, Ben losing his virginity to an older man like Ren is just *chef’s kiss*

Public Indecency, 3719 words, posted Mar 1

And my second renben! This was partially inspired by art and partially by just the idea of not giving one single fuck, and how thrilling that must be for someone like Ben to experience. Ren and the KOR truly do not give a shit and it’s really beautiful in a way. Plus some hinting at found family with the KOR. Ngl, Ben/Kylo finding his place and acceptance with the KOR makes me so Soft and there’s so many words I could write about it. Plus public sex is very hot lmao

Beautiful, 3254 words, posted Mar 8

Back to kylux, and this one was an old WIP I started back when the prompt was first posted on KHK in like 2019 or something. I got stuck on it and then left it for a while. I was digging through my old WIPs, looking for something that might catch my interest and boom, this one did, so I finished it and then posted it. I quite like the fic and it’s a bit more in the ~classic~ style. It’s also always a good feeling to get an old WIP done lmao

Choose Your Destiny, 5077 words, posted Mar 20

More renben and this was my fix it fic for ROKR vol 4. I talked about this more on twitter at the time and why I found the story as it was unsatisfying, but ultimately it’s really just a case of rushed writing and playing into established bad writing (e.g. showing a fall from grace by having someone kill someone eviler than themselves). I also really liked Ren and I felt like Kylo didn’t really get to have enough agency in like... any of it. His motivations were weirdly absent as well, despite this being ostensibly about him. So I wrote this, which I think handled how the story should have gone a lot better and, plus, it’s got smut!

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Show of Devotion, 2479 words, posted Mar 28

Renben once again and this time, I mean, it’s all inappropriate use of lightsabers lmao. I was looking at the Ren and was like ‘wow that is SO phallic’ and then the horny brain turned on and, well, here we are. I also wanted a side of found family with the KOR and I think got that with this. It’s horny. It’s fun. What more could one want?

Aural, 2729 words, posted May 12

Okay this one... I have absolutely no excuses for lmao. I’m not even sure where the inspiration came from, I just remember I was in an online work meeting that was boring and the entire sequence of events played itself out in my head. It was all I could do to focus on work for the rest of the day and not immediately write this cursed creation lmao. The worst part was I’d been totally blocked on writing since March and this, THIS, was what eventually broke out of me. In case you haven’t read this one, it’s ear sex. Hux’s dick, Kylo’s ear. No, I don’t know the logistics either. But hey, I had a blast with it, both in terms of writing it and the reactions lmao. Someday I gotta write a follow up involving a nose too

Missed Chances, 10 749 words, posted Jun 7

Ah yes, this is the point where my renben met my kylux and created this absolutely enormous peanut butter cup of a fic lmao. It really was supposed to be like half the length it was, but alas, it was not. Also cockblocking kylux was SO hard, they wanted to fuck SO bad, but I had to stop them, the story demanded it lmao (and people in the comments were MAD, which is always excellent). It’s also when my renben series really started to have like, an overarching plot (aside from the modern au fics which I’ll talk about later). I even still have more instalments planned

Free Use, 6971 words, posted Jun 23

Another one that turned out far longer than initially planned, and also my most popular fic this year! I’m both surprised and not cause like. It’s a complete smut fest + my heavy headcanoning of the personalities of the KOR. People like smut, but I also feel it’s kinda niche considering how deep I’m in for the KOR lmao. So idk, I guess the smut won out. I did have a lot of fun with this one and there’s a lot of characterization thought put into each KOR, so it was really nice to see people loving that as much as I did. Canon gave us crumbs, but I just used them to make meatballs

Eat You Up, 1573 words, posted Jul 5

There’s not a lot to this one, it’s really just renben rimming cause the sexual dynamic with renben is so fun. Kylo/Ben is inexperienced yet eager and depraved enough to impress Ren, which is something considering I think of Ren as Very Experienced lmao. I really do love this ship; it’s a lot of fun to play with

In the Vents, 2002 words, posted Aug 3

Ah and this was my first piece for the stuck inside event on twitter, which I had a lot of fun with. Stuck fetish is one I’ve always wanted to explore, but never had any concrete ideas for. This event led to me finally getting to have Kylo stuck in a wall (plus more as well), which was fun. Also I spent far too long thinking about Hux’s vent contraption set up cause I knew he would never let Millie go anywhere that might hurt her, so I had to come up with a way to make the vent safe and here we are lmao. Hux being an engineer and also the most extra cat owner in existence worked out very well indeed. This was also the start of my creativity boom near the middle-end of the year that uh kinda burned out in a not so great way, but I’ll talk about that later lmao

Distraction, 3658 words, posted Aug 6

Another for the stuck inside event and another kylux/renben sandwich! Also featuring the KOR this time! Listen... it’s a gangbang, it’s got renben, it’s got kylux, it’s got Kylo getting stuffed from all ends... this is the kind of fic that, to me, is pure indulgence lmao. I had a tremendous amount of fun with it

Entrapped, 3484 words, posted Aug 8

So this was also for the stuck inside event (yes, I wrote 3 fics in about a week lmao - I don’t know how I did it either) and it’s darker than the sort of things I usually write. I enjoyed exploring something like this though, something outside my usual purview. It didn’t perform super well, but tbh the dark ones rarely do so lmao

Pit Stop, 1505 words, posted Aug 31

Welp, this is just an excuse for watersports lmao. I like piss, what can I say? And I’ve done it to kylux, so I had to do it to renben, and the modern au ‘need to pee on a road trip’ seemed like the perfect opportunity for it. Not much to say for it really

The Deal, 2431 words, posted Sep 3

Ah and this one here was the first for the throwback event I ran on twitter! The event itself ended up kind of being tainted by drama from one singular person who kind of ruined it by being a jerk for literally no good reason, but I’m not going to talk too much about that. Even with that, I still greatly enjoyed it and this piece might be my favourite from it as a whole. Kylo Amidala, political scandals, neither of them being nice... ahhhh yes, it definitely brought me back lmao

Devotion, 1929 words, posted Sep 10

Another for the throwback event, this time with Emperor and Hound dynamics which, unf, yes, I will literally never get tired of it. I really had fun with every fic from this event and this one was great because I so rarely get to write real action scenes, even if they’re in a flashback here. That and the dynamic itself really made it fun

To Be Wanted, 10 473 words, posted Sep 16

Ah yes, and here is my KBB for the year! I did a minibang this time, as, well, everything was going horribly wrong around the time of sign ups and I thought a mini would be more realistic. I think I was right on that and I’m glad I did it, even if I was torn at the time. The idea itself is one I’d been thinking about for a while. I can’t remember if I thought of it after seeing the leaks for tros or after watching the movie itself, but it’s been with me for a while and while I dithered over whether or not to sign up this year, the idea came back and was just perfect for a minibang. Plus I got an absolutely amazing and wonderful partner, which is really what makes the experience of doing bangs so great. I love this fic, I LOVE the art for it, and the whole experience was definitely a highlight to 2020 as a whole, both overall and in terms of my fandom/writing experience this year

Floss Me, 2033 words, posted Sep 21

My third for the throwback event and also the dental fetish fic I’ve wanted to write for a while now lmao but could never figure out a scenario for. As some of you may remember, 2018-2019, I went through some pretty horrific dental stuff and ultimately I think it kinda gave me a fetish lmao. Also I feel like there may or may not have been a kinky flossing prompt on one of the prompt sites at some point, but I looked everywhere and couldn’t find it so. But anyway, it was a fun fic for a kink I think is quite underrated tbh

The Cost of Certainty, 2541 words, posted Sep 25

My fourth and final piece for the throwback event, and this one is also a contender for my favourite piece from that event. I have always loved the idea of Hux being a serial killer and this was a perfect excuse to write it. I’d also recently finished a rewatch of Hannibal and, well, you can see where this came from lmao. I love writing tension and it was just very fun all around. I almost wish I’d done something like this as a long fic but tbh I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed writing it as much

Huxloween Drawings, 676 words, posted Nov 1

So this isn’t a fic but rather the drawings I did for huxloween, but people wanted them on ao3, so posted they are. Now, I mentioned above that I had this massive creative boom in Aug-Sep, but that it burned out rather badly. This is when that happened. I got into this place where I just... felt like everything I made wasn’t wanted or needed in the fandom. That everything I like is so unpopular at this point that I should just give up and leave. That I’ve spent all this time and energy over the years trying so desperately to get people engaged and so few ever cared and I just... ugh. It was bad. It was really bad and definitely partly fuelled by the bullshit that someone brought up regarding the throwback event (and I still believe that they are the sole cause of it’s poor reception). I, uh, am doing better now and still working through it all but it was a really rough time. But I found myself still wanting to be creative so I decided to draw. I am not good at drawing. I am not an artist. But that’s what made it fun: I went into each drawing knowing it wasn’t gonna look great. That wasn’t the point. So I never got upset about it. I think it helped me a lot tbh and I did really enjoy it and I’m glad I did it

Unconventional, 7243 words (in progress), updated Dec 20, first posted Nov 18

So the next part of me trying to fix the bullshit in my brain creativity-wise was to post the first chapter to this fic. This is a piece I’ve been working on since 2016-2017 (I don’t remember exactly when, but it was pre-TLJ, and I’ve gotten a new computer since so I don’t have the original creation date of the document) but I could just... never get a plot together for it and ever since I abandoned a fic in my old fandom (and this year I finally posted the ‘sorry this isn’t getting finished, here’s a closure summary’ chapter), I’ve been hesitant to post WIPs before being at least 80% done. So I said fuck it, I’m gonna post this and not be scared. Is this fic complete? Nope, but the plan is starting to come together. Do I know exactly where it’s going? Nope, but I don’t need to. Is it self-indulgent as all hell? Absolutely. I love this fic and I love this story and I love the concepts within it. So I posted it and tbh, it really helped. And I think this, combined with my writing break where I drew for 31 days straight lmao were really my saving graces here

Test Run, 3661 words, posted Dec 31

And now my final fic of the year! Which is a ship I honestly wasn’t super into (I don’t hate it, it just generally doesn’t do much for me) but then I did that thing where I thought ‘hmm but could it be written in a way that I am into?’ which, in my experience, always leads to me writing exactly that. Which is what I did here lmao. I’m pretty happy with it though and despite it being very strange to write, as I really had to work to get these two to get where they were going lmao, I had fun with it. I honestly doubt I’ll write more of them, but I’m glad I wrote this one, and I think it’s a good experiment to close out the year with

What have I learned?

Honestly, this year was a clusterfuck lmao. 2019 wasn’t great for me either, but we all lived through this and it was certainly An Experience. I think what this year really helped me focus on was what made me happy. I ended up in some dark places and I don’t want to go there again. It feels repetitive to say that, once again, I have learned that writing what I want is key when I say that every damn year, but tbh I think 2020 underscored it even more so. Spite as a motivator, when used to much, smothers the spark of creativity and the joy of creation. The most important lesson I learned this year by far is to not let that take the driver’s seat. A dash here and there? That’s fine. But as your main motivator? That’s just not healthy. And I need to work to keep it from consuming me like it has been for too long

Goals for 2021?

So last year I didn’t set any hard goals and boy, is it a good thing I didn’t, cause I achieved none of them lmao. I didn’t write more words (though I did write more individual fics, and the word count gap between this year and last is about the size of the difference between a big bang fic and a mini bang fic so really, I think I did okay), I didn’t even write a single fic for BTHB, and, to be really honest, I did not manage to keep my love for writing alive the whole time. I was in a really dark place a few times this year, but that drop in Sep-Oct was the worst from a creative standpoint. I feel like I’m mostly out of it now, even if I still have some work to do maintaining it. I’m hopeful for the future in that regard. The only thing I really did accomplish was that I feel positively towards all the fics I wrote; I’m happy and proud of all of them

So what is my goal? Honestly, I feel like every year I have to relearn the lesson of ‘write what you want, have fun, be self-indulgent, fuck expectations, etc.’ and my goal this year is to not have to relearn that again, but to keep that energy and carry it with me for the whole year. I realize I may have to put some effort in there, but I’m okay with that. I don’t know what 2021 has in store, but if I can just keep my passion alive and not fall into that pit again, I’m calling it a win

[smolpunkblog]

2020/feb/23

I was planning on going my second date with C, instead of dreading the experience, I was shaking with excitement. 

I’ve never felt so excited to see somebody before, and I didn't feel a shred of doubt or anxiety. He was coming around 3, because he had prior commitments. I spent the morning doing my regular chores, before dollin up myself. 

when 3 rolled around, I told him to park into my houses driveway, because my folks weren't home. Currently I want to keep me seeing him a secret- I dont want my parents being unreasonably strict about me being over at a boys house. He came into my house, and funny enough, he spent the next 5 minutes wooing over my dog.

After that, he went to the washroom before finally greeting me with a big grin and bear hug. We both left shortly after, heading to a nearby harbour, we both never have heard or been to it before. We talked a lot or just listened to his Spotify playlist on shuffle. Once we’ve arrived, a lot of the establishment was being forced under construction. 

It wasn't too cold today, but it was windy. Thankfully this time I remembered to bring a pair of gloves. We walked around the deserted harbour and condos in circles while holding hands. Our plan was to go through some trails, but we couldn't find them in sight. We eventually decided to give up and use my phone for clues, while I had my phone pulled out and I leaned to look, he leaned against me, letting our foreheads kiss. 

We eventually found the trail hidden near the entrance, we spent the next couple of hours walking along the trails. Looking back at it, a lot of our conversations dragged along, or we sat in moments of silence. I didn't hate any of it, it just felt like lovely moments enjoying the brisk trail. We eventually realized we were practically lost, the signs never ended up linking to each other, so we eventually cheated out of the forest, running down the hill onto the street. Once we got back into his car, we were starving.

We headed to his favourite burger place, which was ironic considering last date we had burgers too. There I froze with anxiety at ordering, and decided to copy him, he paid. As we ate, it was some awkward silence, sometimes moments like this make me want to beat myself up. I hate it when I cant think of anything. After we ate we sat in his car.

He looked at me with panic, and confessed that he just received a message from a friend that their roommate came positive. And the he was in recent contact with them (not the positive roommate). I could tell he was panicking, but in all honesty, I didn't feel a shred of fear. He described to me how he wasn't in contact with their roommate, and his friends haven't been in contact either. I asked him what he wanted to do, did he want me to go home better, which he replied to no, he wanted me to come over to his. We ended up having a long, reassuring hug. (im sorry if you read this and get upset, you are valid in your anger. It was a selfish decision)

We ended up at his house, I wasn't sure what I was expecting it to be, but the reality settled that im at his house. It also feels weird going into someones house for the first time. He looked at me, and told me that if we go to the front ill be forced to confront his parents- I said that was okay. Usually im not up for meeting new people, but I really wanted to push myself. I went to the front and surely enough his mom was right there. She was pretty. I immediately say hello, and thank her for having me over, he is quick to introduce me. His dad comes in the room shortly, scurring down to the basement (C room) to grab laundry. The family cat follows behind, enticing both me and C into awes. 

After the awkward hellos, I head down into the basement with C. I end up sitting with C at the dining table in the corner of the room. There he leans on me as I look through his Pokemon card collection he laid out for me. He slowly wrapped both of his arms around my arm, it didn't feel too comfortable. I slowly nudged his arm, and guided it to my hips, 

he softly whispers ‘oooh? is this allowed’

I nodded in embarrassment, and then his grasp became more firm.

After looking through his card collection, we both end up behind his couch looking at his bookshelf. He was retelling the books that he's read, while wrapping both arms around me. We ended up shuffling to see his movie collections, this time one of my arms wrapped around his neck. 

After the long time of his rambling (good rambling, im just too nervous to talk). We end up sitting on his bed, the room was open concept so everything was near each other. There he had a pile of clean laundry, we end up folding it together (sock duty). After that, we slowly end up cuddling on his bed, ive never cuddled with someone before. It was very comforting, sweet, and made me incredibly sleepy. A bit awkward because I didn't know what to do with my hands.

After I shifted over to him, because I knew id pass out

he softly wooed ‘ooooh you're turning to me huh?’

I nodded, and we ended up hugging, before he whispered 

‘can I finally kiss you?’

I said yes, and we kiss. I thought it'd be a lot more soft, but he was more passionate than that. Ive never kissed someone seriously before, it was always half asses or just uncomfortable, so these types of kisses were new to me. It felt wet, deep, and fast. I tried my best keeping up with his motions. At one point his hand touches my ass before he asks 

‘am I allowed to touch your butt?’

I said yes, and he eventually continued to fondle my butt lightly. We break from kissing to staring into eachothers eyes, I cant keep the eye contact for long before breaking in embarrassment. I laugh and he hugs my closely, kissing my cheek lightly. 

I keep shuffling around, readjusting my body, in the process his hand sneaks its way under my shirt. 

He quickly yanked his hand away after touching the skin of my back, ‘am I allowed to touch you under your shirt?’

‘No, that's too far’ I said quietly, he nodded and apologized. I wasn't upset with him, because the moment I felt his hand on my skin, I wanted to do more than innocently kissing. 

And that's a bit too intense for a virgin on her second ever date. 

I lean down to him and we get back to kissing, in the moment while trying to grab my waist his hand lands on my boob, 

he yanked it away before apologizing and asking if it was okay (I know he's sly and sneaky)

I said it was okay, after all it was over my bra and shirt. 

He eventually is ontop of me, our legs are intertwined, he has one of his hands glued to my ass. The other is groping my boob while he kisses and stares at me. During this I feel my legs twitching in excitement, and my hips shaking in desperation. He even giggled, and I probed him on it in the moment

he confessed with a bit of a sharp breath, ‘your tits looked amazing on our last date’ 

I was getting pretty turned on. and realizing this, I told him to stop touching my boob. He looked pretty concerned, before I admitted

‘when you touch my boob like that, its really turning me on’ 

He ended up having a shit eating grin, before kissing my cheek all over. I ended up ontop now, leaning down and kissing him lightly before whispering, ‘lets go watch anime now’.

When I got up, I went to the washroom. Lets just say- when I wipped, the toilet paper came out drenched. 

We soon after sat and cuddled while we watched an anime episode, he did end up reciting the turned on thing. I nudged him for that.

I had to head home soon after, because going back at 10 was a bit too much for my mom, even if I did tell her it was my friends. On the drive back it was quiet but peaceful.

He parked a bit away from my house, and we hugged a lot. We planned on meeting each other again after he gets his test results back. 

We then kisses a couple times more before I headed back home. 

I then spent the rest of the night fan grilling to my friends. 

[the-writerly-night-owl]

What if That’s the Future

Desire and Decorum/MC x Ernest Sinclaire 

Summary: Ernest has been shot and as he slept waiting for Clara he has a dream. A dream that shows him more then he ever wanted. Just before she comes to him at Ledford in the chapter. 

Authors Note: so today’s chapter has me majorily po’ed and so I wrote this. My last TE story from that poll and then starting my desire and decorum ones will come next. See if you can spot a character from Red Carpet Diaries and High School Story. 

Tag list: @flyawayboo @queen-among-writers   @cosigottahavefaith  @am-i-invisible777 @countrymusicandncis-blog @fluffy-cat-whisper @melodyofgraves @symonde @paisleylovergirl

The shot didn’t go off as Ernest found himself dreaming. He was sure that Luke and the others would bring him back to Ledford Park. Doctor Kerrigan was there, and Clara was nowhere to be seen. Of course, the duke….

That didn’t seem to matter as Ernest saw her. Clara was right next to him in a gorgeous satin green gown that reminded him of flowers. A wide smile on her face and her hair loose as it pooled around her shoulders. This was dreaming, this was lucid dreaming, he thought as he could hear his friends telling him not to sleep.

“Mr. Sinclaire you cannot die, please think of Clara,” said the demanding voice of Miss Parsons.

“He can rest,” said Doctor Kerrigan.

Sleep didn’t come easy as Ernest tried to relax. He had to think of Clara her smiling face and standing beside him. Finally, his mind rested on a dream that he wanted to be reality. Clara was in his bed as he saw love marks on her chest, her nightgown thrown on the floor as the sun filtered into their bedroom. Ernest stepped into the room already fully dressed as she rose from the mattress.

“Don’t have too much fun at work,” she said arching her feet to kiss him softly on the lips. He relished in her kiss and touch.

That illusion was shattered as he heard something from down the steps, however. His Clara seemed to have disappeared as quickly as she rose. Ernest took in a deep breath as he turned and started toward the noise. He straightened his cravat he headed toward the steps when the noise turned out to be voices.

“James,” he called wondering if his butler had let someone in.

No answer as Ernest headed down the steps as music eventually filled the air. Someone was playing his pianoforte. He was dreaming still right? He could bring Clara back as the flash of her green skirt disappeared down the steps. She was still with him but leading him somewhere.

Her giggle seemed to beg him to follow as he did what she wanted. He was curious to know himself. Gradually he made his way into the hall to see people. He peered around into the room where she disappeared as he could see that it was a packed. People milled around in strange clothes that he couldn’t begin to place. Next to him two girls were speaking animatedly to each other as Ernest couldn’t even catch up. Clara had to be around her somewhere as he heard their conversation.

“So, what was it like working with Chris Winters? Addison you have the most amazing job,” gushed a girl with auburn hair to the blond. “The Last Duchess has to be my favorite movie so far this year.”

“Chris is awesome, I don’t think you could work with someone nicer. Working on The Last Duchess was so much fun. The historical clothes were a blast to make and the cast is just all-around fun,” said the blond, presumably Addison. “What is it that you do Paige?”

“I’m an OBGYN and a certified midwife, it’s not nearly as glamorous,” said the redhead, Paige.

Ernest shook his head as he leaned forward and cleared his throat hopefully to get some answers. Who were these people and how were they in his home? Forgetting about Clara now he tried to piece together what was happening.

Neither girl looked up before a third joined them. The newcomer, a girl with ink black hair and a purple shirt that the girls called Kara, just seemed to walk right through him. Ernest put his hands on his body as he seemed to be invisible and ghost like. This was his death, he was sure of it as he glanced around the room.

This couldn’t have been death though. Where was his mother, father, stillborn siblings?  Trembling Ernest straightened himself up and confidently walked toward the middle of the room. Someone around here had to be talking about why they were all gathered. He wasn’t presuming that this was some kind of heaven or limbo. Why was Clara here? Could she have killed herself thinking he was dead too?

Around him children ran with devices in their hands he didn’t know. Ernest took another breath. If there was one place, he could find answers there was the library. His sanctuary. He turned on his heel and walked off his heavy footsteps not making a sound underneath him.

Upon reaching the library he heard more voices. How dare these people for inviting themselves into rooms not designated for guests! Ernest felt shudder run through his body as another person seemed to walk right through him. He took a hesitant step toward the group that was gathered in the middle at a table.

On said table was a paper with lines and neat printed handwriting. Getting even closer upon closer inspection Ernest could see his name on that paper. Remembering that people couldn’t see him or anything he forced himself until he was sitting on the table. Although it was un-gentlemen like he needed a look at this.

At the very top of the paper Ernest read the first line unable to believe it. Sinclaire Family Tree.

His eyes settled on his ancestor Walter Fitzwilliam Sinclaire situated on the few middle lines. Then his eyes followed the lines to his own name. Swallowing Ernest trembled staring a bit aghast at section where his name was as if he could burn a hole right through the paper.

Ernest Sinclaire (20 Jul 1788 - 30 April 1867)

He couldn’t tear away, that was his birthday and that was his death date. He was eight and seventy upon his death. It appears that he was at the Sinclaire family reunion. Judging from the clothing of those around him he could be decades or even centuries ahead of his own time. He put a hand to his head as if to clear it. Blue eyes glanced over at the name on the left. Roselyn d’Ouler with the death dead marked when she gave birth to the Dukes child. Then his eyes slide over to the name on the right of his name.

He caught his breath and heart quickened as a smile of delight crossed his face. The name adjacent to his: Clara Mills (2 Nov 1795 – 24 Jun 1875). The date of their union to sometime in mid June of 1816. Ernest couldn’t help but glance at the next line.

Nine, there were nine marks for nine children. Six sons and three daughters were a blessing as he could see their names of their family. A family that he would make with Clara. His eyes saddened upon seeing the last name on the list, as his heart twisted to know that she only spent mere hours on earth. Underneath the names the lines got more and more complicated as they weaved together. Several last names of people he knew like Marlcaster and Chambers.

Sometime at the turn of the century a few family members dropped the ‘e’ from the last name he noticed. Several had moved from England and to far off places like America and New Zealand.

Everyone around him was his family, people that were related to Ernest Sinclaire, in some way shape or form. Ernest watched as a young woman brought her children to the front of the group. An elderly man smiled as he picked the girl up and put her on his lap.

“Now can you tell me your name young lady?”

“Melissa Grace Sinclaire,” she said proudly with a smile on her face. “My mummy told me to tell you to put my name on your paper.”

“Did she now?” said the man grinning as he mused her blond hair teasingly. “Well, I need to know who your mummy and daddy are. Your birthday and if you have any siblings and their birthdays.”

“My daddy is Luke Sinclaire and mummy’s name is Emma. My birthday is 10 August 2014. My brother’s name is Matthew Ernest Sinclaire and his birthday is 23 January 2017.”  

The man put her name near the bottom of the tree as he watched. Ernest gapped upon hearing this as this far beyond what he thought it was. Everything he was witnessing. This was two hundred years from now. He was in the twenty first century as everything played around him like a moving picture. The only thing that made Ledford the same was the layout of his home.

A dream, this is what this was a dream, but this was a dream that he could make happen. Ernest could make that family with his beloved Clara and their family could prosper. Unable to help himself Ernest reached out and touched her name next to his as it lingered there.

His finger traced down the marks for each child as he wondered what they were like. Perhaps they were quick to smile like Clara. Did they have his sword skills (even the girls!)? Which one inherited the blond hair that he remembered from his mother?  Ernest’s smile grew as his finger traced over the name Vincent Sinclaire. He knew where that name came from as his breath caught short as he looked at the dates under his name. 9 Feb 1817 – 30 of Mar 1895. No. That couldn’t be possible as he thought back to the night before the duel.

He got Clara pregnant, unless she went into labor a month early, she was already pregnant with their son.

Ernest had to wake up, he had to go to her and keep the Duke from ever touching her or their baby. He felt fingers brush upon his own as Clara was next to him. She grinned widely as she was examining the tree as well. Her free hand tracing over their marriage date as everyone else around them seemed to gradually fade.

“Can you believe it?  We did this,” she said as tears pooled in her eyes. “This is our family that we made together.”

He glanced around as he saw the kids running, gossip from the older people, and someone playing a beautiful song on the pianoforte.  

Ernest reached over and brushed her hair away from her face. “I know that this is a dream, but I want to make this happen. Both of us happy and married with a family of our own. There’s no Duke and I could keep you safe and loved.”  

This Clara nodded as he kissed away the tears that had spilled over her cheeks. “Ernest wake up, I’ll be there, I promise.”

He adjusted and blinked himself awake over and over. Everything from the morning came back to him with the fight. That didn’t seem to matter anymore as he had a good idea of what would follow when they were finally together. Waking up he saw that Luke was still in the room.

“Where’s Clara?” he demanded.

“She’s coming,” said Luke.

“I need to see her.”

“She’ll be here.”

He was afraid that she would never show up until a half hour later. She was there in Ledford as he sighed. Clara was unharmed as his eyes and smile lite up. She looked beautiful as his eyes flitted briefly down to her stomach. Could they really have?  

“Clara, how I’ve longed to see your face,” he said. If he could stand one more day, he could fight. Above all he was going to be with her until the end of his days.

[standuphippy]

2018 Favorite Shows

This year I continued my effort to catch a few bands that I’ve liked for years but never got around to seeing and it was very rewarding. These shows included Saint Etienne, Protomartyr, Agnes Obel, The Love Language,  Erasure, Johnny Marr, The The, and The Dickies.

Not everyone comes to Los Angeles on a regular basis so I was thrilled to finally catch Young Galaxy, Dawn Landes, Retirement Party, Samantha Crain, and Sidney Gish.

It’s also worth mentioning that I saw a lot of great openers this year: bands I checked out because they happened to be on the bill and they turned out to be great. Weaves, Thin Lips, Petal, And the Kids, Jess Cornelius, Ed Harcourt (never miss the opening act at an Afghan Whigs show!), and awakebutstillinbed all belong in this category. But the following list is of the shows that were really special to me, in no particular order after The Jesus Lizard.

The Jesus Lizard, Sept. 29, Crystal Ballroom, Portland OR “Happy Birthday, Sabina.” Seeing The Jesus Lizard has always been an incredible experience but the reunion shows they’ve played over the past year were excellent even by their standards. The crowds came with high expectations: you could feel the excitement in the air before the band set foot on stage. (I’ve never had so many strangers strike up a conversation the way they do at TJL shows.) I’ve loved this band from the moment I heard them (thanks, Dad). I saw them play many times when I was in college. They were a standard by which I measured any other rock band. I’ve seen a lot of live music in the 25 years since I first saw them. They are still the standard. They never disappoint. It’s hard for me to articulate my feelings without hyperbole because it’s hard for me to believe that I’ve found a band that’s so consistently rewarding. In Portland, there was a profound synchronicity between the audience and the band. They delivered an epic set that included both “One Evening” and “Lady Shoes,” while the audience did the Dudley dance for half the duration of its namesake song, then staged a clap-a-long during “Fly on the Wall.” They keep getting better and no one else comes close. 

Fever Ray, May 25, Hollywood Palladium, Los Angeles, CA One of the great debts I’ll always owe Pitchfork is that they introduced me to The Knife. Not only the band's music, but in 2006 they clued me in to the band’s 4-show U.S. tour with a front page exclaiming “THE KNIFE IS COMING”.  On that tour, and the first Fever Ray tour three years later, Karin Dreijer hid in the shadows, obscured by darkness and makeup. The Knife had changed their approach by the time they hit the road in 2014, and it was a wild technicolor spectacle for people who wanted more aerobics in their dance party. There were so many performers onstage that it wasn’t always clear who was singing. Dreijer was never more out in front than on this Fever Ray tour, supporting the excellent 2017 release, Plunge. Flanked by backup performers, she seemed jubilant throughout the entire performance. Remarkably, all of the tracks from Fever Ray’s subdued 2009 debut fit neatly next to the new material. The version of the band that was onstage made everything in the catalog uniquely their own. Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to last. Dreijer cancelled the second half of the tour citing “general anxiety and panic attacks.”  It’s a shame because this Fever Ray show was her best yet. Few artists reinvent their art the way Dreijer does. hopefully she’ll be ready to hit the road again in the future.

Let’s Eat Grandma, Sept. 4, Moroccan Lounge, Los Angeles, CA Every once in a while there’s a show where everyone knows something truly remarkable is happening. The audience is ecstatic and the band shares these glances where you know it’s special for them too. This was one of those shows.  Let’s Eat Grandma released one of the best records of the year and delivered a performance to match.

The Dickies, Sept. 8, Whisky A Go Go, Los Angeles, CA I finally saw them after 30 years of fandom and they lived up to my high hopes. They played most of their greatest hits circa 1989′s “Great Dictations”. No “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” or “If Stuart Could Talk,” but a great set nonetheless. Their cover of “Paranoid” is a steamroller live and was definitely a highlight until the woman next to me was knocked down by an errant mosher and one of her pinwheeling arms hit me right in the balls.

I saw them again a few days ago on a bill with Mac Sabbath, PPL MVR, and Captured! By Robots and they played “If Stuart Could Talk”. I guess if you’re on bill with that many high-concept acts it’s time to break out the arms-length penis puppet.

Poster Children, Sept. 18, Hotel Café, Los Angeles, CA Poster Children should be huge. Their first three records, Flower Plower, Daisychain Reaction, and Tool of the Man, are classics, and their latest, Grand Bargain!, was one of my favorite records of the year. Their Los Angeles tour stop was at Hotel Café, a small club known for lighter fare. Upon seeing the tables in front of the stage, Rose asked, “You guys know what kind of music we play, right?” The set was a mix of classics and cuts from Grand Bargain! and I lost my mind when they played “Dangerous Life” in the encore set.

Samantha Crain, Dec. 13, The Echo, Los Angeles, CA An artist I’ve waited a (relatively) long time to see and she was worth the wait. I loved last year’s “You Had Me at Goodbye” and it turns out she has a deep and excellent catalog as well. The Echo wasn’t crowded and there was no one else in my line of sight so it felt very intimate. My only complaint was that she was opening for another act; I would have loved a set that was twice as long.

Basia Bulat, Feb. 23, Bootleg Bar, Los Angeles, CA I’ve loved her music for 10 years and I’ve tried to see every show she’s played in Los Angeles. It’s a quest that’s included venues such as Old Style Guitar Shop, It’s a School Night at Bardot, and even a Bob Odenkirk comedy revue at Largo. I’ve seen her at Hotel Cafe, The Echo, and The Bootleg (3 times). I’m trying to show you what my commitment level is so you can fully understand how embarrassing the following story is to me: The show last February was a gig that she performed while she was in town recording her new album. She effortlessly translated her work for a solo performance where she alternated between guitar and piano. As always, she sounded amazing. The piano was pushed up against the stage, so when she played it, she was only a few feet away from where I was standing. She asked if anyone had heard her most recent record, “Good Advice.” We had. The audience seemed very enthusiastic: before the show I overheard people recounting other shows of hers that they’d attended, one couple had opened for her many years ago, etc. “Well, sing along!” she enthused. “Good Advice” has a bridge where there is a back and forth vocal. The lines are repeated and slightly offset, so that if one person was singing, she’d have to clip the outgoing line to get to the next one, and there are about six of these call and response couplets in that part of the song. I knew this is the part of the song she was talking about. When she got there, I was feeling pretty confident that we were all gonna nail this and it was going to be a fucking magical communion between us, her longtime fans. She hit the first one, and sang “Any sense I had at all is gone,” and I, anticipating being part of a chorus, sang the echo line. Over the course of the five seconds it took to recite the line, I realized that I was the only one singing and everyone was listening. I could feel people turning towards me. Basia Bulat was saying, “Yes, yes, yes!” and smiling as she played. I was shaken and missed the next cue. Now the pressure was on and there was no way I was going to be able to rejoin and not mess up, so I stayed silent. I stood next to her in shame, knowing that every line I didn’t jump in on made the situation increasingly awkward. Basia Bulat shrugged and did the rest of the lines herself.

I humiliated myself in front of an artist that I’ve long admired, but it was still one of my favorite shows of the year, because she’s brilliant. The reason I go to every show I can is that she always seems like she’s about to have some greater degree of success. If there are any casual observers in the audience when she starts, there are only fans when she walks off the stage. I still believe that it’s only a matter of time before she’s playing in a theater or a place with a greater separation between the artist and the crowd, so I'm going to continue to catch all the shows that I can. I’ll just try to do a better job of reading the room.  

The Breeders, April 7, Observatory, Santa Ana, CA The last time I saw The Breeders they sucked but they put out such a great album (All Nerve is easily one of the year’s best) that I had to see this show. I’m glad I went because they was amazing. They have so many great songs that a live set is an embarrassment of riches. They even played “Gigantic.” There was a woman standing next to me for the duration of the show and we chatted while The Breeders were setting up. Once they started playing, she would turn to me and say something I couldn’t hear and I would smile and nod and she would issue this crazy laugh. So The Breeders were great but after every song I looked into this mass that was all eyes and teeth and hair in blue light. She looked like Sheryl Lee in Fire Walk With Me and it was terrifying.

Kyle Craft, March 4, Moroccan Lounge, Los Angeles, CA

I have bad luck seeing Kyle Craft in that he’s played here fairly frequently and it rarely works out that I can attend. I’ve seen him twice, once a few years ago when he was on tour for his debut album Dolls of Highland and then this year when he was supporting his follow up, Full Circle Nightmare. Both shows were excellent. He’s got a great band and they’ll give you a full on rock show. Craft is  one of those artists that you should see when you can, not only because he’s a great performer, but because his muse moves quickly. His first release was a double album; he played it almost in it’s entirety the first time I saw him. When he came back for this show, he played one song from it.

Lydia Loveless, June 10, Casbah, San Diego, CA Lydia Loveless, June 11, Troubadour, Los Angeles, CA

My daughter had a dance recital on the 10th and when it was over I dropped her and my wife off and tried to break the land speed record to get to San Diego in time to see Lydia Loveless. I arrived just as she started her first song. Forty minutes later, I jumped in the car and drove back to Los Angeles, as I had to work early the next day. It was worth it because although Lydia Loveless has recorded many exceptional cover songs, I’ve never heard her play one live, and at this show she performed her cover of Justin Bieber’s “Sorry.” These shows were solo acoustic performances, and she was opening for Justin Townes Earle. She doesn’t play on the West Coast very often, so I always try to catch whatever I can. I love her records and she’s fantastic live. These shows were excellent but shows with her band are unbelievable.

Belly, August 9, Teragram Ballroom, Los Angeles, CA

I had written Belly off as a live band, I was disappointed with a show that I’d seen two years previous. I liked their new album, Dove, and since I had the night off I figured I should check this show out. I’m glad that I did because it was the best Belly show I’ve ever seen (twice in 1993 and once in 2016).

Loma, April 8, Bootleg Bar, Los Angeles, CA

Silence is respect in Los Angeles, and Loma got a lot of it. Jonathan Meiburg (Shearwater) Emily Cross and Dan Duszynski (both of Cross Record) crafted this delicate record and as captivating as it is, I feel as though I didn’t truly appreciate it until I saw this show. Who knows if the three of them will ever make another record together. See what you can when you can.

[maiji]

Process and wip images for A House That Holds Long Limbs (Parts 9 and 10 - completed)

Previous process and wip documentation: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Parts 6 and 7 / Part 8 

Read the pages here: Part 9 and Part 10 (full complete version is linked from YYH North Bound master post)

Hard to believe this is finally done! Long Limbs nets out at 108 pages including the cover, plus some extra drawings (and also a whole other comic and other illustrations I did in between the various parts). Here’s a summary:

Part 1: timestamp on final images posted are Dec 16-17, 2017 (11 pgs)

2: Dec 23, 2017 (10 pgs)

3: Jan 8, 2018 (10 pgs)

4: Jan 20, 2018 (12 pgs)

5: Feb 3, 2018 (14 pgs)

6: Feb 24, 2018 (12 pgs)

7: Mar 3, 2018 (6 pgs - would have been completed/posted with part 6, but was getting too long)

8: Mar 17-18, 2018 (13 pgs)

9: Jun 3, 2018 (10 pgs)

10: Jul 8, 2018 (10 pgs)

Based on the above, I should have been able to draw the comic in less than 8 months, even considering how slow I generally work and how frequently I get distracted by other things (Genjimonogatari series, the Hokushin Boyfriend project, etc. etc.). As you can see, I took a very conscious break to focus on other things (mainly Now Recharging, work, and conventions) after Part 8.

For this final behind-the-scenes, I’ll start as usual with script and thumbnails. Then I’ll do an overview of the main changes with a particular focus on opportunities and challenges that arise from having taken such a long break, and close with a quick look at the original story idea for comparison to where things ended up. 

Script

Thumbnails

That text in the script about “writing like serpents” should be “WRITHING like serpents”... sigh. Doesn’t really matter since in the end they just hang there all chillaxed on Hokushin lol

(Also as you can see, I voted in the Ontario elections!)

Main changes

The best thing about taking long breaks on a project is that it really gives you a fresh set of eyes and more objectivity when you come back to it. It helped a lot with editing - ditching stupid things, stripping out pointless dialogue, and finessing phrasing. 

Originally there was more conversation between Raizen and Hokushin when they reunite - but it was mainly explanations from Hokushin (e.g., “OMG this guy is keeping rokurokubi body parts in the house, we gotta find him blah blah blah”) but then I was like, who the heck cares, we already know what happened. Skip and just show the end result.

Originally the Collector was fleeing from the house after Raizen appeared. When I came back to it, I thought this was pointless and kind of disjointed, so I just had him outside the house and then being surprised that his shikigami was gone, so that Raizen’s presence would be more of a surprise.

In the confrontation with the Collector, Hokushin originally spoke directly to the psychic in a manner similarly condescending to how the man had been speaking to him. But when I reread it, it didn’t feel right for Hokushin’s personality. In the final version, he simply doesn’t deign to address the Collector at all, and instead speaks only to the dead rokurokubi.

Raizen’s final line gave me a super hard time, and went through several iterations from what’s in the script to what you see on the final page. I literally made the final decision on the wording while scanning.

The downside about taking long breaks on a project is that you really have to work hard to restart your motivation.

Also, I forgot how to draw the Collector and I had to keep looking at old pages lol... Actually, this always happens to me with things I designed. My problem is that I’m too lazy to make proper references for myself. (I have this problem with Now Recharging too lol)

Part 9 final pagination and thumbnails are pretty close - I mainly stretched out the part where Raizen’s aura takes the Collector down to the ground for less choppy pacing.

Part 10 pagination is essentially the same, but the panelling on each page changed a lot more. There was too much action and too many hands and just a mess all around with my poor planning skills. I really dragged this part on for a long time because I didn’t want to draw the hands...

Part 9 last page had some cropping done. Below is the original:

You’ll notice the final version is much more closely cropped. Zooming in created stronger visual impact to me and just worked a lot better in terms of how the moment is framed.

Part 10 page where Raizen tells Hokushin his auro has grown stronger - I actually started this page with everything facing the opposite direction (e.g., Hokushin facing the right instead in the panel where he is praying, and in the last panel) but then swapped it. I still can’t decide if I actually prefer this orientation or not. But it’s done now so WHO CARES

The original story idea

What I had jotted down about 1 year ago:

Idea: human taxidermist who collects demons, does “tests” on them, then kills and stuffs them

Hokushin stumbles upon it somehow and the human wants to add him to the collection because male rokurokubi are so rare

He mimics the human’s voice to trick servants into releasing him?

Use of blood seal paint to bind limbs so that Hokushin can’t extend them - and maybe also prevent him from speaking too since the mark is on his next

Raizen saves him or something lol

Then Hokushin eats the taxidermist

It’s funny to go back and see what stayed the same and what evolved over the course of working on the story.

I don’t remember where the taxidermy idea originally came from. My guess is I was trying to make this as potentially horror as possible, likely from memories of reading Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service or something. But then the whole idea of taxidermy during the Kamakura period became a huge research problem (basically I couldn’t find anything I felt like I could work with, and TBH was rather unrealistic anyways... although this whole thing is technically unrealistic), and I dropped it.

Otherwise, you can see the core components are in place - a human who collects demons, the significance (rarity) of male rokurokubi, the blood seals, the mimicry, Raizen’s rescuing, eating the human at the end. It definitely went through quite a bit of thinking and reworking before it settled into what it is right now, mostly (I think) for the better.

Thanks so much for following along! Hope you guys found this documentation at least a little interesting and helpful for your own creative works :D

[aion-rsa]

Superman & Lois: Behind the Scenes of The New DC TV Show

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

When you think of Superman, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Is it the cape? The tights? The ability to “leap tall buildings in a single bound?” Whatever Superman’s most recognizable trait, it’s probably the way the character makes you feel that stays with you. The premise that someone so powerful would choose to use that power solely for good is an optimistic one. Despite being one of the most powerful figures in the DC Universe, it’s Superman’s capacity to inspire hope that is his defining characteristic. 

“Part of why I find the character of Superman appealing as a fan, let alone as a part of the show, is that he has the power to destroy the world and he doesn’t,” Elizabeth Tulloch, who plays Lois Lane on Superman & Lois, says. “He’s doing the right thing because it’s the right thing. If he wasn’t Superman and he was just Clark Kent without the powers, he would be the same man. In other words, you don’t [need] powers to be good, decent, and kind.”

Lois Lane is an equally inspirational figure. What could be more hopeful than someone believing, often in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary, that all the world needs to make the right decision is to hear the truth? As one of fiction’s most famous journalists, Lois uses a different kind of power from her husband’s to make the world a better, more just place.

Let’s face it, these days, we’re all in need of a little hope. So why not spotlight the two heroes who have been fighting the hopeful fight for over 80 years? Superman & Lois, the newest iteration of these legendary characters which premieres on The CW on Feb. 23, aims to do just that, albeit with some refreshing twists. The days of our heroes competing with each other for scoops while Clark awkwardly hides his true identity from Lois are gone, replaced with a happily married pair with no secrets between them. To switch things up a little further, the two are raising twin teenage boys not in big city Metropolis but in Clark’s hometown of Smallville.

It may sound like a radical interpretation (at least by the generally change-averse standard of most Superman tales), but Superman & Lois still has sci-fi and action to spare, even as it shows us a new side of the Man of Steel. It comes as the latest entry in the network’s ever-expanding roster of DC superhero TV shows, which began in 2012 with Arrow and has grown to encompass The Flash, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow, Black Lightning, Batwoman, Stargirl, and more.

It was this shared universe that brought us TV’s newest Superman, Tyler Hoechlin, who first wore the cape in 2016 as a guest star on Supergirl. Despite the fanfare surrounding his arrival there was no Superman spinoff in the works at the time, and this was intended as a one-off appearance for the character. 

“Honestly, I was at a point in my life and my career where I didn’t want to commit to something that was a full-time thing on a show,” Hoechlin recalls via Zoom during a break from filming. “I had just left [Teen Wolf] and was enjoying the opportunity to try different things and move around a little bit. So it felt perfect. [Filming] was going to be a couple of weeks up in Vancouver. I could check the list and say I got to play a superhero– and Superman at that.”

But Hoechlin, who had previously auditioned for the role on the big screen for 2013’s Man of Steel, found himself drawn to the way the hero was being presented for TV.

“I liked what Supergirl was representing at the time and what it has continued to represent,” Hoechlin says. “I really loved that the show was just shamelessly optimistic and hopeful. I was happy to do something that was just very, very bold about it.”

That “optimistic and hopeful” quality is apparent in Hoechlin’s performance from the first moments of that initial Supergirl guest appearance. Incredibly powerful and yet so unfailingly polite that he takes the time to offer a wink and a smile to people he saves on the street, this Superman connected with fans tiring of the conflicted, brooding takes which characterized so many of the character’s recent adventures. When the decision was made to bring Superman back for the following year’s Elseworlds crossover event, it was important to match Clark with the character who has shared nearly all his adventures since 1938.

“They were reading a lot of other actresses I recognized,” Tulloch recalls of her 2018 Lois Lane audition. “I kind of had a feeling, after I did it once, that I totally was doing something different from the other actors. The choice I made was just to have fun with it. I think, based on some of the feedback I got in the room, a lot of women had been reading that scene more seriously because, on paper, the scene did read as serious.”

The audition reading in question was a deleted scene from 1980’s Superman II, in which Lois, determined to prove that she knows Clark’s secret identity, pulls a gun on him and fires. A horrified Clark reprimands her, only for Lois to reveal that the round was blank. But by then it’s too late: he’s already confessed to being Superman.

“I just sort of played it joyfully,” Tulloch says. “And at the end, when he doesn’t die, I squealed happily and said, ‘I knew it.’” Tulloch recalls a note from Supergirl co-showrunner Jessica Queller: “She was like, ‘This is what we were looking for… there needs to be a joie de vivre about Lois.’” 

Lois Lane is as crucial to DC history as Superman, first appearing in what is generally considered ground zero for the entire superhero genre: 1938’s Action Comics #1. The book introduced both Superman and Lois to the world and, over the ensuing decades, Lois has risen from supporting character to co-headliner, and with good reason. Tougher than a Metropolis winter, sharp-witted, and a better journalist than her superpowered co-worker, Lois showcases the human spirit at its best, no powers required. Tulloch embodies the character as confidently as Hoechlin does Clark/Superman.

“I can’t think of a more important time in recent history to be playing a journalist,” Tulloch says. “After the last few years, where I feel like journalists and members of the media have come under a pretty constant onslaught and had their roles diminished, I think it’s really important to be doing what she’s doing, using her words to fight on behalf of other people, and to fight for truth and justice.”   

Just like Hoechlin’s Superman, Tulloch’s Lois was an immediate hit with fans. It helps that the pair share an effortless onscreen chemistry. Without the Clark/Superman/Lois faux-love triangle that characterized so many previous versions of the legend, TV’s new Lois and Clark were free to focus on fresher elements of the relationship. Amazingly, this rapport came naturally, as the tight shooting schedules of the Elseworlds crossover meant the first time the pair were in character together was right before filming.

“Our first readings were on set,” Hoechlin says. “We didn’t get to do any of the readings together beforehand. I immediately thought she was perfect for the part. That feeling has only grown.”

“We really just have so much fun,” Tulloch says. “I think that’s part of why I hope people respond to us. Obviously there’s a level of gravitas to these roles, and what they’re doing in their roles in the world is really important, but they’re also really playful and they really like each other.”

By the time the characters were brought back for another DC TV guest appearance in 2019, things had changed. Lois had given birth to their first child, the infant Jonathan Kent. They were there for the multiverse-shattering Crisis on Infinite Earths, which changed elements of reality for all the DC superhero shows, including a major status quo shift for Clark and Lois: instead of raising a single infant son, they now have twin teenage boys.

The responsibility of shaping Superman & Lois fell to writer and executive producer Todd Helbing, who served as showrunner on the fifth season of The Flash. Yet, it was a task that gave him pause when the job was first presented to him by DC TV maestro Greg Berlanti.

“These shows are ginormous,” Helbing says. “The hours alone, it’s just a daunting task. And nobody wants to mess up Superman.”

It was here that the family dynamic of Superman & Lois began to take shape. “Crisis gave us a blank slate in a lot of ways,” Helbing says, and with that came freedom. Only child Jonathan gave way to the idea of a son and a daughter, before finally settling on two very different twin sons: the athletic and confident Jonathan (Jordan Elsass) and the anxious and introverted Jordan (Alexander Garfin).

“I have two boys who are wildly different, so that became part of the storytelling,” Helbing says. “What do you do as parents when one child is completely different from the other and needs different attention and different help? The brothers’ relationship changes the family dynamic. And as working parents, how do you juggle your lives? Just thinking about Lois Lane being the most famous journalist in the world and the demands that her job has coupled with the demands that Superman would have, how do you infuse the storytelling with all of those challenges?”

Those challenges include the fact that, as the show opens, the boys don’t know their father is the world’s most powerful superhero, which means Clark occasionally misses out on fatherly activities without an honest excuse, an understandable point of friction. 

“Superman is a difficult person to dramatize because he’s perfect in a lot of ways,” Helbing says. “The analogy we always use is Superman is sort of perfect, but Clark can be clumsy as a dad. I think being clumsy as a parent, that’s something that we all are. We’re all figuring it out. There are  a lot of books written about it, but the second it happens to you, you don’t know what you’re doing. So why would that be any different for the Man of Steel? In a lot of ways, that opened up the floodgates about really telling stories where people can relate to him in a way that they haven’t been able to before.”

In other words, just because Lois and Clark are icons, pillars of an entire genre of storytelling, and two of the most famous characters in all of fiction, it doesn’t mean parenting comes easily to them. 

“I think there’s a little element of guilt on both of their parts because they’re such busy people, with Clark moonlighting as Superman, and Lois being this very famous, hardworking journalist,” Tulloch says. 

The idea of Lois and Clark as parents isn’t new to fans of the comics, where young Jonathan has been a fixture for years, but it isn’t as well known as other facets of the Superman legend. This makes Hoechlin and Tulloch the first actors to bring this element of the characters to a mainstream audience.

“For me, it was an exciting opportunity to tell a part of the story that hasn’t been told before,” Hoechlin says. “In a way, it raises the stakes significantly… the only real threat to him is threatening the people that he cares about. Of course, he’s had that relationship with Lois, but now he’s also got two kids, so that threat becomes all the more real.”

Fans who grew up with Superman and now have families of their own may see the character in a new light. “I think for parents to be able to come back and reconnect with this character who was a hero of theirs as a kid going through the same things that they’re now going through is such a cool opportunity, as well,” says Hoechlin.

Creating a realistic family dynamic meant finding actors to play the Kent sons who felt natural with their onscreen parents. Tulloch did readings with a series of young actors to make sure the parental chemistry was there.

“You honestly could tell almost immediately that they were the right fits,” Tulloch says. “Alex Garfin, who plays Jordan, has a lot of emotional stuff. He was just really excellent. Jordan Elsass, who plays Jonathan, is the same. His role is really different since Jonathan’s a bit cockier. If anything, his character’s Achilles’ heel is that he thinks too highly of himself. But both of those boys were just awesome.”

Events in the first episode lead the family to leave Metropolis for Clark’s old hometown of Smallville, which isn’t quite the idyllic small town it’s sometimes portrayed as. But the rural setting doesn’t mean that there will be less superheroic action than you’ve come to expect from a big city-based hero.

“The way we approached it was, if Flash is the guardian of Central City and Supergirl is the guardian of National City, Superman is the guardian of the world,” Helbing says. “So it really doesn’t matter where Superman’s based. He can fly anywhere in the world in a matter of seconds. Once you understand that, it really doesn’t matter where his home turf is… it could be anywhere.”

Bringing the family back to Smallville means that Hoechlin has an opportunity to explore more facets of the character. There’s a long-running debate among Superman fans and creators about which of Superman’s identities is the “real” persona. Is he really Clark Kent, and Superman is a put-on for the world? Or does Superman represent his true nature, and it’s Clark Kent who’s an act? To hear Hoechlin tell it, it’s far more complicated than that.

“There is Superman at the most extreme, when no one knows him as anything other than [a hero],” Hoechlin says of his approach to the character. “There’s Superman when he’s around people who are aware that he’s more than just Superman. There’s the Clark that everyone knows is Superman, but he’s still kind of ‘playing Clark.’ There’s also the extreme Clark where you would only ever think that he’s the clumsy guy in the office and that’s all he is.”

But the truth of the character lies somewhere else entirely for the actor, and it’s the one that lends itself well to a story of Clark living a family-oriented life when he’s not flying around saving the world.

“And then there’s this guy in the center,” Hoechlin says. “I don’t really think that there’s a right answer in saying that ‘he is Superman’ or ‘he is Clark.’” 

Clark will face some challenges as he readjusts to Smallville life, but it’s the famously outspoken Lois who has her work cut out for her.

“Lois has a tendency to put her foot in her mouth and sometimes she doesn’t think before she speaks,” Tulloch says. “You will see her get into trouble a little bit with the people of Smallville because she thinks she’s doing the right thing on their behalf, but not really thinking through their specific needs.”

Despite these weighty and dramatic concepts, there’s no shortage of super-powered action in the first two episodes, in which Superman takes on a mysterious, armored foe. For those wondering whether they need to be up on the various continuity bylaws of a TV universe that encompasses no fewer than six other shows, the first episode kicks off with a wonderful crash course in the history of this particular Superman and Lois, and there’s no baggage from other series to contend with.

“My mom watches everything that my brother [Aaron Helbing of The Flash, Knightfall, and more] and I do, and she didn’t read comic books,” Helbing says. “If she can’t understand what’s going on, then we’ve failed. But in the same light, there’s a huge fanbase, so we want to put Easter eggs in there and we want to tell stories about characters that everybody knows [from] the comics. We want to satisfy both at the same time, but ultimately, our job is to just tell a good story, and that takes focus.”

Getting what these particular characters represent right matters more to fans than superpowered brawls, crossovers, or intricate continuity. (“Part of why Tyler and I take this really seriously [is] because we know these roles are iconic for a reason,” Tulloch says). Embodying those core values is what made Hoechlin and Tulloch’s portrayals connect so strongly with fans in the crossovers, and it’s something everyone involved in the spinoff series intends to continue.

“It’s such a polarized world that we’re living in,” Hoechlin says. “Superman’s ability to stand for what’s right without having to, for lack of a better word, demonize, is something I really appreciate about him. For me, that’s really that idea of compassion and empathy towards everyone. I think his hope is that everyone finds the right path.”

But as it so often does when discussing the world of Superman, it always comes back to that one word: hope.

“Superman has always been hopeful,” Helbing says. “Considering everything that we’ve gone through this year, hope is infused in there and it should be. But it has to feel real, and it has to come out of hopefulness for real struggles that anybody watching this can relate to. If Superman can struggle and he still remains hopeful, and if Lois can struggle and she remains hopeful, then I think maybe we can, too.”

Superman & Lois premieres on Feb. 23 on The CW.

The post Superman & Lois: Behind the Scenes of The New DC TV Show appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3jS7fbT

[askpillow]

I don’t even know how to start this update, so I’m just going to jump right into it. Life update under the cut. Trigger warning for talk of blood and miscarriage.

Back on Feb 8th, I found out I was pregnant. At that time, they were estimating that I was 19 weeks and 6 days along, and suffice to say, I was terrified. My boyfriend is having some legal troubles at the moment and so I couldn’t tell him because there was nothing he could do (also, his family would have driven me insane), I just recently got this job and am still trying t catch up on all of my bills, and after telling my mom, we were afraid to tell her boyfriend lest he kick us out.

So, that was a pretty stressful thing and I ended up doing my best to not think about it. I mean, I thought about it all the time, of course. I was busy trying to find an OB/GYN so I could maybe find out how far along I actually was and see if I could make this pregnancy work. I mean don’t get me wrong, babies freak me out and I didn’t really want kids in the first place, but there was no way in hell that I was going to give my kid up or anything else.

So I was trying to find an OB/GYN, but.. I ended up not even making it that far. On the 12th, I started having extremely painful cramps and light bleeding. I probably should have gone to the doctor right away, maybe something could have been done, and maybe not. But I didn’t. I went to work and did my best to relax and not stress out anymore. And it seemed to work for a little while.

Then we found out Monday, that we were supposed to get some ice Tuesday night. And since mom and I work at the same place and have the same schedule, we go into work together all the time. Anyway, come Tuesday night, we get a hotel room. And by some miracle, it was in the medical mile, right across from the hospital. I say miracle because of a few things.

My mom doesn’t walk very well and our room was on the second floor, and I, not even thinking about it because it was something I did all the time, carried all of our stuff up stairs and into our room. We were there for maybe an hour when I started just.. gushing blood. I mean, before, when I first started bleeding, I didn’t even spot a pad. Now I was filling one up within a couple minutes.

So my mom started the car and I grabbed all of the towels from the hotel and put them under me and we drove across the street to the hospital. Before, it hadn’t really hurt to move, but now every movement hurt. Including putting me in a wheelchair and wheeling me into a room. But, it had to be done to find out what was going on. So, wincing and whimpering with each movement, I suffered through and got wheeled into a room where I was allowed to change and sit down on a bed.

Everything else from there happened all at once and in slow motion. A doctor came in and I found out that my baby was in my vagina, amniotic sac still intact. I also found out that I was actually 23 weeks pregnant and the likelihood of my baby surviving was very, very slim. Had I been able to carry her just a while longer, there would have been a better chance of saving her.

From there, I was given fluids through an IV, had my blood drawn for labs and then wheeled into a delivery room. Again, everything hurt from all of the constant moving around. But I made it to the delivery room, crying in pain the whole time. I wasn’t in there for more than a couple minutes before there was someone else coming in to talk about the likelihood of my baby surviving and what I wanted to do if she did. From there, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me an epidural, which also hurt like hell. Also, he apparently went a little too deep, because once it kicked in, I couldn’t move my lower half at all or feel anything. Which was fine by me, because that meant that I wasn’t hurting anymore.

However, as I learned a little while later, a major side effect of getting an epidural is a drop in blood pressure. And for me apparently, they had a very hard time bringing my blood pressure back up to normal levels. To the point in fact, that at one point, after coming to because I needed to puke [because apparently I started dozing off], they mentioned that there was finally some color coming back into my cheeks and lips. So after they got my blood pressure normalized, they attached a monitor to my arm and left me in there to rest.

Mind you, it was about 11pm when we arrived at the hospital and it was already Wednesday by the time I finally started to actually get some rest.

Anyway, around 8am Wednesday morning, I woke up and talked with my mom for a bit before a nurse came in. She was coming in to check on me and change the pads under me, because of all the bleeding I’d been doing. And as she lifted the blankets to check on the situation, she told me that we’d change the pads later, because the baby was halfway out.

At that point, everything started to move quickly again. Nurses and the doctor rushing back in and moving things around, shifting the blanket aside so they could see and telling me to push. One nurse grabbed a stethoscope and put it up to the baby, and that’s when I learned that she hadn’t made it. And I just...

I cried, but I also just nodded and didn’t say anything. I had known from the moment I found out that I was pregnant, that the baby wouldn’t survive. You see, my family has a long history of miscarriages and early births. My mom and her siblings were all born early, and my grandma had two miscarriages before my uncle Sam was born. My aunt never brought a baby home from the hospital because they were all born early and needed to be five pounds before she could take them home. My sister was born two weeks early, and my mom had two miscarriages between my sister and I. I was almost miscarried, because my mom started bleeding around four months, but we both managed to pull through, though I was still a month early. So.. I knew all of this, and wasn’t exactly surprised to learn that my little one didn’t make it.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though, even as cold as it sounds. I just.. I was trying to save myself from getting excited and keep my heart from getting shattered to pieces because I had all of this stuff for a baby I never got to bring home with me. So I cried, but I did my absolute damn best to stay calm through everything.

They cleaned her up, and asked me if I wanted to hold her for a while. I said no at first, so they put her in a crib and left the room for a bit. I just.. It’s not that I didn’t want to hold her immediately, I wanted to adjust to the idea that she was real and I wouldn’t be taking her home. And when the nurses came back in, I asked if I could hold her.

And my god guys, she was so tiny and perfect. I just... I wish she’d had more f a fighting chance.

I cried as I held her, and mom came over to see her. There wasn’t a lot of talk at that point, just us crying as we stared at her. And I remember thinking the whole time, I’m sorry baby girl. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

At some point, I gave her back to the nurses and they took her into another room and dressed her up and took some pictures. Mom went outside for some air, the sheets and pads under me got changed and so did my hospital gown. And I got told that I need to make a decision about what I wanted to do with my little one’s remains before I left the hospital. And I started crying all over again.

When mom came back in, she brought my sister and one of my cousins with her, and they were both already crying. Mom had stopped crying, and was actually kind of okay. And I, without even thinking, told them about the decision I had to make before I left. And everyone started crying again if they weren’t already. And I felt absolutely terrible, because I hadn’t meant to make my mom cry again, but I also just.. I didn’t know what to do. I mean, how do you react when someone tells you that you need to make a decision about what to do with your baby’s remains hardly an hour after they’re gone? I just. I couldn’t.

And not to drag this story out for two much longer, the day went on with people coming in and out and all of us doing our best just to get through the day. My aunt came and joined us at one point, and we all cried and talked some more. Eventually, we got the situation of what to do with my daughter’s remains figured out and my cousin took on the responsibility of calling them and setting everything up, for which I am very thankful for, because I couldn’t do it.

In all, I was there until about 4/5pm, waiting to find out if they were going to keep me overnight for observation [because of how much I’d bled] or what exactly was going to happen. Finally, I was discharged and allowed to go home, taking with me a few keepsakes. In a box, they had given me the dress they had dressed her in, the pictures they’d taken of her, and a necklace with her name and DOB on it.

So, my update is that I had a baby on Feb 21, 2018. A beautiful little girl that was 1lb 6oz and 12in long, who would have been just the absolute sweetest thing in the world had she lived. Her name is Alina Bear Cooper-Morrell.

And I’m not sure if this makes the whole situation better or worse, but I remembered that today, Feb 23, 2018 is the anniversary of my grandpa’s death. So at least my sweet baby girl isn’t up there alone. At least she got to meet one of the most important men in my life.

Take care of my baby for me, Grandpa. I love you both so much and I miss you.

[memorylang]

Reflections | #32 | March 2020

While in transit to, on and between flights on my journey from Mongolia through Europe to America, I reflected. I processed with ample free hours the Lenten days that met me. I considered how God led my steps. 

So this story runs parallel to the handful I’ve written lately. We’ll backtrack before we move forward, then reaching a huge moment for my leaving Mongolia. 

That pre-dawn, Thursday, March 5 morning, the 49 of my group rode the coach bus from near our Peace Corps office, out of town to the airport. In time, we’d be above the clouds again and again. From the stillness of transiting, came my reflections.

First Friday of Lent 

Hard to believe my journey began Ash Wednesday night, a mere week prior to takeoff. Now I take us back to my city of service last Friday, Feb. 28. 

Like I shared before, I felt pretty exhausted by the time I reached church, with my frantic 36 hours since our evacuation command. And so, with Lent’s first Friday of Lent, a Catholic day of fasting and prayer, I figured no better time to pray off stress. 

I’d come by earlier that day to drop off the Mongolian missal and hymnal books I borrowed the month before. I also gifted the church my copy of, “Rediscover the Saints,” having finished it my week before Tsagaan Sar. Parish staff thanked me and invited me to come back that day if I had free time.  

So I returned. Before I could settle in, staff invited me for lunch. I’d never turn down Mongolians’ hospitality. But the food definitely had meat. So, I thought a quick prayer on it—Should I eat meat on a Friday in Lent, if Catholics offer? 

My response feeling from God seemed to be to, “Just love.” So I smiled, figuring to enjoy their offer was probably the most loving thing to do. And it would be the last meal they’d have with me. 

They invited I say grace in English. Their English teacher was there with staff, so she understood, at least. I really enjoyed the food, too. It was among my Mongolian favorites, банштай цай /bansh-tahy tsahy/, dumplings in the salty Mongolian milk tea. We took a selfie to commemorate our pleasant hour. 

I tried declining seconds, with Friday being for fasting and all, but they still served more, haha. I mused with wonder how Mongolian Christians take hospitality to the next level, in the best ways. And yet, with staff talking about how the government banned seeing their families at Lunar New Year to prevent Coronavirus possibilities, I felt I was leaving a Mongolia very different from the one where I first arrived. I’d miss our days of fellowship after Mass in this little sunlit room. 

Afterward, I had my time alone in the sanctuary to decompress. I wandered before the statue to our Blessed Mother. Then I walked the room, photographing Stations of the Cross’ Mongolian descriptions in case I wanted to learn them in the States. 

My supervisor to drive me to our next location. I graciously thanked everyone and departed. 

Last Supper, Friday Night

Later that Friday night in my city of service, I enjoyed a Last Supper with the American couple who’d supported me so much. 

Here, too, we had amazing food, this time American-style. With sundown, I could indulge a bit! 

I felt especially joyful to meet yet another woman from Brian Hogan’s memoir, “There’s a Sheep in My Bathtub.” (Recall, I finished this book on the Second New Day of Tsagaan Sar, which was Tuesday earlier that week.) This woman recounted stories of her travels around the world for God, including standout details for me. 

She mentioned pretty harrowing experiences with the Hong Kong and Moscow airports. Particularly, she said Moscow’s security just spoke Russian, even in the international airport! So I braced myself. She also suggested I bring snacks so I wouldn’t have to fret on currency conversion. She didn’t like her Moscow airport experience there much. 

As for Hong Kong, she mentioned writing in her devotional journal. Then I realized, I had one of those, too. A parishioner in Reno, Nev. gifted one to me before I graduated uni and joined Peace Corps. In fact, the journal’s been where I’ve penned my usual entries daily since Jan. 1. Fittingly, “Pray continuously” appeared recently, matching my 2020 Lenten aspiration. How cool! 

With the American couple and their friend, I also considered my future. If I return to Mongolia, life would feel different. Mongolia will have entered spring, maybe summer. I'd redecorate my apartment. Maybe I'd bring things new from the States. I'd be wiser, a little older. 

But I'll be loving, all the same. 

By the night’s end, I resolved, if there's one thing God's been consistent with me when I've discerned the past couple years, it's to love. For, no matter what, we're beloved. Love, I will.

My American friends gifted me delicious chocolate cake to take home. They know I love their cooking. I’d keep in touch with this bunch long after returning to America. 

Last Suppers with spiritual people fill me with such peace. And Christ’s command rang true: “As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). 

Saturday Morning Guests 

The next morning, Saturday, Feb. 29, the older friend with whom I spent my Lunar New Year’s Eve and First New Day came by to fetch me for his friend he introduced me to during the holiday. 

Like old times, my friend came up to my apartment. This time he brought that friend over. And I felt so pleased when my friend, upon entering, explained to his friend, who saw my cross on the wall, that although I’m Christian and a Peace Corps Volunteer, Peace Corps is non-religious. 

It’s so important locals understand this distinction… I am who I am, but Peace Corps is what it is. I loved that a local could explain it to another without confusion. 

My friend had just gotten off a long night shift. So I readied the instant coffees I saved for guests and switched on my Korean electric kettle that sat upon my short refrigerator. I also shared with the guys some Chinese snacks my 重庆 Chóngqìng friend mailed me when I visited relatives in 北京 Běijīng after Christmas. I liked the spiciness, but I cautioned my friends to be careful. Many Mongolians don’t do spicy, but this older friend does. 

Meeting My Older Friend’s Friend 

I first met my friend’s friend earlier that week, Sunday, Feb. 23, on the morning of Lunar New Year’s Eve. 

Before my older friend dropped me off in his own frigid home. He drove me to the then-crowded indoor market. There he took me inside to meet his friendly shop-owning friend. The friendly man sells a brand of хевийн боов (pronounced like /hyehVEEN b-awe-v/), firm biscuit bricks stacked to form Mongolians’ traditional food tower displays. My supervisor Wednesday night gifted me some of these, actually. 

Because all Mongolian families make these towers, the friend saw great business. Apparently the man’s son attends the Chinese school, also. So the friend invited me to visit his home sometime. I said sure, sounds fun. Then my older friend took me back to the car. I waited there alone while he shopped some more. Felt like just another day shopping with my actual dad... 

Anyway, when Peace Corps Mongolia’s evacuation crisis broke out, I totally forgot about meeting my friend’s friend. But Mongolians find ways. 

Final Full Saturday, Among Friends

Saturday morning, kicking off my last full day in my city of service, we drove to my friend’s friend’s house, in the city’s district closer to the mountain’s base. Coincidentally, I’d probably walked by this house Monday morning, while walking with the Mongolian Christian toward Mt. Bayan-Undur. That day, my same older friend drove to pick me up for the rest of my adventures, that First New Day of Tsagaan Sar. 

Entering my friend’s friend’s place this Saturday, I felt the interior could have passed for a small American home, just with fewer walls to divide rooms. 

My friend’s friend treated me to a wonderful brunch, I felt so glad to needn’t cook, that busy day. He also gifted me instant Mongolian milk tea, which I felt really excited to try in the States! 

Meanwhile, the man’s Chinese-studying son was in an unsurprisingly unsocial mood. The lad distracted himself instead by watching a colorfully animated film dubbed in Mongolian that played on the TV nearby. The film’s art style reminded me of some mix between Disney’s “Avatar” and Dr. Seuss. Weeks later, I chanced upon its name, “Mune.” 

I ate to fullness as usual. I hadn’t realized, even on Mongolian Lunar New Year’s Sixth New Day, people still stuff themselves with the same wonderful traditional things they eat the first few days. I loved it.

But during a lull, I felt surprised.  

My older friend, suddenly a tad emotional, said how his English improved so much with me. 

He spoke smiling, saying how he felt grateful I came to Mongolia. I hadn’t expected my rapid departure would move a grown man. I responded with gratitude to have met him and spoke again my hope to return.

Once More Upon Bayan-Undur 

After brunch, since I wouldn’t meet my other friends till later that afternoon, the men I ate with joined me instead. And so, after waiting in the cold nearly an hour wondering whether the others might show, we ascended. 

Our trio walked up past the place where I walked Monday, and we summited. I’d miss this snow, knowing I’d return to a desert in the States. 

We came down the front side, somewhat like the path I’d taken with the weekly hiking group I accompanied winter weekend mornings. On the walk down, I found my pace faster than the other men’s. I wondered if this resulted from my weeks of hikes. Ahead, I realized I followed the овоо /aw-vaw/ stone shrines to know the way down. 

I considered in self-reflection how during my final week in Mongolia, I felt like Aang or Korra meeting their past lives' friends. My ‘past lives’ were Peace Corps Volunteers before me. Our community’s common affection for our service remains. 

Our trio took a route down into the ger (home) district, where we parted with my older friend. He needed rest but would visit me that evening. I returned to his friend’s home. The kind man served me a stir-fry with rice that tasted of my summer host family's cooking. I miss them… Little did I know, the night after, I’d ride through my host family’s town during evacuation. 

My friend’s friend drove me around town to pick up my community friends to visit my apartment and say farewells. Later that night, I’d embark on the sunset trek to end my last city day. 

Thursday Leaving Mongolia: The Airport

Now fast-forward to Thursday, March 5, my departure from Mongolia. After half a week of resilience in the capital followed by an all-nighter to conclude it, I felt a profound experience at the airport. 

Our Peace Corps group of 49 reached Chinggis Khaan International Airport long before daybreak. My past blur here flying out two months before felt stressful, traveling alone. But now I felt calm. For now, I traveled among friends. 

I entered Mongolia’s international terminal early, recalling its location. I settled smoothly into the check-in line then turned behind. I scanned our face-masked crowd to see if I could find the senior TEFL friend I ran into throughout the week. I’d hoped I might see her the night before during Volunteer farewells, but we’d be on the same flight anyway. 

Some time later, I saw my friend and waved. She waved back, but not as expected—I thought she looked as though sobbing. I felt troubled. So, tugging my luggage, I left my spot in the line to join her in back. 

I stood beside her, wishing I could offer something. I waited in silence, trying to feel her pain. 

When speaking, my friend sounded as though with grief. This country has been everything to her. This is what she committed to, as a Peace Corps Volunteer. And she's leaving too soon. She hoped I will get the chance to come back, to finish my service and one day know the pain she feels to leave these people. 

I felt solemn. She was right. 

And while I might be able to return, her service ended. 

Around us, I wondered if anyone noticed, but plenty seemed preoccupied with making our flight. So I reckoned I needn’t worry, since I came to do good. 

My friend held my hand and thanked me for coming. From beneath her face mask, she commented about needing tissues and not having any. I remembered mine and quickly emptied my pocket tissue pouch. She laughed a little and looked glad. She continued to squeeze my hand as we pushed our luggage to move forward in line. 

Trials Leaving Mongolia: The Airport  

Crisis! When we reached the line's front, turns out we both had overweight luggage. 

We lugged our luggage aside. I was 2 kg over—must have been the extra gifts, we figured. So I shifted books and denser snacks to my personal item and carry-on then wore my blazer as an addition to my already five layers. I’d fly with six layers, whatever. Thus, I checked in my luggage. 

But my friend wasn't so lucky. She needed to pay extra to get her luggage through. So she left upset to another window outside the line. With my things in order and feeling quite familiar with the airport, I decided to accompany her.

We waited an awful long time. Another senior cohort friend we’d evacuated our provinces with needed to pay a similar fee. A couple more senior cohort friends joined the line, for they had pets traveling. So I waited among the four. They were such inspirations to me. 

Meanwhile I tried to help my friend, who sat on her luggage and looked a little disheveled. She said something of her amazement how we kept getting stuck together. I agreed. I remembered the fall conference, our evacuation caravan and the week’s surprise meet-ups at Peace Corps’ office. Lovely coincidences. 

During our wait, I felt moved by the love and loss my friend felt toward her community and service. I remembered my grief amid flights three years ago, when Mom was killed and stressfully I had to fly home. So I wished I could say something to help my friend. I prayed this affliction might leave her. I prayed to have the right words. But I knew, sometimes the better words are those unsaid.

Sometimes my friend forgot whether she grabbed something or didn't, whether I grabbed something or didn't. I replied patiently. I wanted to say it'd be OK soon, but such words mean little. I offered my water, offered to cover the expense, even. She accepted my water.

Eventually my friend noticed I didn’t have an expense to pay and that I just wanted to support her. Her anxiety seemed to lighten, and she smiled again. She insisted I'm so kind. She added I didn't have to stay for her. But I reaffirmed I'm comfortable with the airport and felt I’d nowhere to be more urgently. I wanted her to feel OK. She said although she doesn't believe in God, God would reward me very much for helping. I wasn't sure what to make of that. But it felt kind. 

As we neared less than an hour till takeoff, the couple senior cohort friends behind us, too, grew anxious whether we'd make our flight. They said since I didn't need to be in line, I should head to our gate. Still, I knew we'd plenty of time, considering my previous rush through airport security on a crowded day here with less time. But, going ahead would make our group happiest. So I wished everyone well and calmly went in. 

Leaving Mongolia: The Airport  

After a smooth clear through passport control, friends from our evacuation group asked me if I'd seen the others. I explained they were at the payment window. Behind me, I noticed my friend already entering security. I felt glad to give others peace. 

I ran into a couple evacuation friends shortly after. One commented I was better than him, for waiting behind to help. I appreciated his compliment. I didn’t blame anyone for going ahead, anyway. We’re all trying to be prudent. 

I had plenty time to get my bearings as boarding began, too. God always has a way. 

I pick up my next story right where this leaves off, bringing you with me aboard my flights from Mongolia through Europe and back to America. We’re off to Moscow, Berlin and Amsterdam, so get ready for a cultural odyssey like none of mine before! 

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me~         

[pocketminstrel]

Feb 21 to 23 recap and stream of consciousness

I had a very wholesome weekend, and I’d like to recap it to remember it –

On Friday after work, I took the train to Laura Lombardi to buy a new chain necklace and a pair of brass earrings. Afterwards, I had some very satisfying taiwanese beef noodle soup at Ho Foods (no wait.) The trains came very timely and when I got home, I cleaned up the place and vacuumed for the showing tomorrow, and set up the projector for the first time in a long time with relative ease. Grace then came over and we talked about her breakup, watched Honey Boy, and snacked on some hot cheeto funyuns and ruffles. I treated her to some of my ginger beer as well. We called it a night around 11:30. I’m grateful she took the train about 45 min to clinton hill from upper east side and back just to hang out with me.

On Saturday, I tossed a set of spare keys to the nooklyn broker, and Annie and I met up at Golda and pronounced it our place. I brought her some ginger beer in a reusable water bottle, and we had a cheese plate and an okay gluten free muffin. We went grocery shopping together afterwards because she needed to prep for whole 30, and I introduced her to a cabbage recipe & flax seed snacks, and we reminisced on some crackers from our past. I ate some of my bean mix I made a few days prior to load up for lunch. Then I went to a showing in east Williamsburg, fell in love with the apartment and afterwards, stopped by Home Union by the Graham L, and started to get VERY excited about decorating my future place!! Also stopped by stella dallas and browsed for a jumpsuit. I ubered to another showing in the east village and witnessed how terribly small studios are. Perused Mast Books and a home store on Ave A for a hot second then took the train all the way home and applied to the apartment in Williamsburg. I needed my 2019 tax return, so I went ahead and did my taxes. Yay. Joy then came over, and we made agedashi tofu & soba noodles together, then cosplayed as teenagers and learned the Sugar tik tok dance. We filmed the dance after about ten takes and posted it. I’m grateful she took the bus an hour and an hour back just for me.

On Sunday, I bussed to Brian and I met up at Wasan Brooklyn and had a really delicious bento box! Wasn’t expecting much from the place, but it got really packed by 1, so thank God we got there as it opened. I remembered how easy it is to hang out with him - I’ve always appreciated his directness and lowkey sass. I cracked up watching him try to hit the woah at the restaurant. Afterwards, we walked to my showing by Barclay’s Center and saw a cheap 1BR place w/ potential. We spent a good chunk of time there trying to see the diamond in the rough. Afterwards, we took the bus to Brooklyn Heights for our second showing, which I’ve never been before, and was amazed by how beautiful, quaint, and clean the area was as soon as we stepped out. The apartment had a huge living area and super charming kitchen, but the lack of a full sized fridge was a deal breaker for me given the price. We walked to our next showing, amazed at how beautiful the area was, and had 15 min to kill, so went into Housing Works on a whim. I forgot how amazing the mission and stores are! I am considering purchasing a membership and have it on my bed as I type this. I bought a cool b&w plaid blazer and two planters, both decently sized, for 8 dollars and 15 dollars, and reveled in how lucky I was about the finds for the rest of the day. We took the 3 train to Prospect Heights and on the way to checking out the final place, I came across a very large, free, beautiful lamp and decided to take it. I kind of was amazed at how timely all the showings were - I wasn’t more than four minutes late to any of them! Timing and public transportation all worked out so well this weekend, and it was such a beautiful day to top that off! After the showing, we walked all the way home and really soaked in the sun on a beautiful day. On the way home, we tried to check out Fredericks and Mae, but the employees stepped out for a break. When we got back to my place, I treated him to my ginger beer with a key lime, and cracked open the bottle which I added sugar to when it was getting a little smelly. I realized I should tweak the recipe to add less bug and more sugar, and definitely add a lime at the end to reduce any foul smells. We took a quick break, hydrated, and I loaded the dishes and snacked on some popcorn and flax seed snacks and ate my soba leftovers from the previous night. We walked to Relationships afterwards, where I applied to 141 Montague. On the way out, I saw Ilana Glazer having a convo with a friend and spazzed out to Brian for a second. We went to Natty Garden to buy some soil so I could repot my plants, and I bought a pretty large bag. Brian and I parted ways, and I took the bus to Dean and Classon and stopped by L Train Vintage to see if they had any cute overalls or jumpsuits that would fit me. They had a decent selection, but most were too big and the ones I liked either didn’t fit my body right or were too rusty to purchase. I looked into the Dickies ones instead online and purchased it when I got home. When I unloaded all my things, I finished my bean mix, put some cabbage in the oven, and did my laundry. As I waited, I potted my relationship plant into the smaller planter I bought today, and it looks a MILLION time better than it did before. I then tried to repot the asparagus fern into the pot that the relationship plant was in because it was cuter, but I noticed that the roots were super squished inside the fern’s pot and decided it’d be best for the plant to be repotted into something much bigger as well. I felt so bad as a plant mom that I neglected these plants and let them outgrow their pots for so long. I then cleaned up all the dirt, cut excess roots, and put the fern back into the original pot with its roots exposed (good enough - I’m going to buy the cute white pot that I saw today at natty garden and repot the plant tomorrow.) After my plant fiasco, I got my laundry from the dryer, folded my things, and then emptied out my sock drawer to clean. I am SO glad I did this, because I found around seventeen loose socks, most that I do not recognize buying. It feels so great to purge. Afterwards, I snacked on my sweet potato and texted some friends back and took out my laptop. And here I am.

[uomo-accattivante]

In the science fiction film Annihilation, Natalie Portman plays a scientist named Lena, who is part of an expedition tasked with exploring an area which has been taken over by a mysterious force. “[She] finds a very strange, dream-like, surrealist landscape, and goes deeper and deeper into that world, and also into that mindset,” says writer-director Alex Garland (Ex Machina). Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tuva Novotny, Gina Rodriguez, and Tessa Thompson costar as her fellow team members, while Oscar Isaac plays Portman’s husband.

One other character of note featured in the film? An alligator, as is revealed in EW’s exclusive first look photo, above. “It is their first tangible encounter with something strange,” says Garland. “The alligator has physical elements to it that should not belong on an alligator. They’re starting to get their heads around how weird the place is.”

Annihilation is based on JeffVanderMeer’s 2014 novel, the first book in the Southern Reach trilogy, which the author continued with Authority and then wrapped up with Acceptance. “I was in post-production on Ex Machina, and one of the producers of that film, Scott Rudin, called up and said, ‘I just acquired this book, I think it’s interesting and, would you take a look,‘” says Garland, whose screenwriting credits also include Dredd and 28 Days Later. “I don’t finish books, or films, or anything, really, if it isn’t grabbing me for one reason. Well, I read it in a sitting. I found the atmosphere incredibly strong and I liked the kind of dream state that it created and put me in. It had all sorts of qualities that I found really interesting. I thought immediately, Yes, I’d like to try this.”

Isaac recently promised EW that Annihilation would be “very weird and very beautiful.” “That’s what we were shooting for,” says Garland. “The beauty part of it was quite important. Even when it’s grim, and something dark is happening, there’s quite an overt beauty, and we took pains to make sure that happened.”

Although the original book is part of a trilogy, Garland says he regards his film as a standalone movie. “I did once work on a film called Dredd, which I imagined to be the first part of a trilogy,” says Garland. “But it’s not something I like doing. I’d rather work on a story that I felt was self-contained rather than one that sort of had a ‘dot-dot-dot’ at the end. I think that provokes a sort of instant, understandable, cynicism. We sense the money grab and I feel that pollutes the story. So, right from the get-go, I did not think of this as being part of a trilogy; I thought of it as being just a single, self-contained movie. If other people wanted to do that, that would be fine. That’s none of my business. But from my point of view, it’s just one.”

Annihilation — a Paramount Pictures and Skydance presentation — is in theaters Feb. 23, 2018.

###

Can’t wait to see this again when it’s finally finished. 🙌🏼

[mawalters08-blog]

Implicit Bias in Health Care

Implicit Bias in Health Care

Maysa Walters

What is an Implicit Bias?

Implicit bias, also known as unconscious bias is an attitude or stereotype that affects a person's decision, action or understanding in an unconscious manner. Implicit biases develop early in a person’s life, social stereotypes and prejudices are often a result. The biases can be contributed to parental influence, social media, and news articles. The bias is a result of the brain’s tendency to look for patterns in the world. These biases often lead to discrimination against African Americans. Thirty percent of African Americans believe that their health is dependent upon fate or destiny and only about 50% feel that health is a high priority. Overtime bias tests have been created, the tests measure unconscious/ automatic biases. A common test done in many health care organizations is The Implicit Association Test (IAT), which tests one’s overall conscious control. The test provides images while measuring the associations between concepts, evaluations, and stereotypes. 

TED Talk: We All Have Implicit Biases. So What Can We Do About It?

Data from the IAT website suggests: 

Implicit bias is pervasive; everyone possesses them

Most people are unaware of his/her implicit bias

Often predict behavior 

The spectrum of implicit bias; some show higher or lower levels of bias

Body language and verbal communication can express an unconscious bias. In healthcare facilities, unconscious stereotypes have been found through the IAT. These biases can lead to different treatments and decision- making, leading to potential health complications. Although unintentional, a lack of communication and trust between patient and provider is a result.

Implicit Bias effect on Healthcare?

The health care disparities that are seen today can be a result of implicit bias. Unknown discrimination by caregivers concludes that racism is dispersed through the United States medical facilities. Health care providers have created a racial frame, not providing equitable health care to African Americans. A primary example of implicit bias in health care is Black women are three to four times more likely to die from complications during pregnancy and childbirth to those of White women. Lack of communication, concern and personal treatment are all a result of biases in health care. Implicit bias is not isolated to African Americans or adults it can be seen in minorities as a whole. African Americans are often targeted due to racism.

Who are the Primary Targets?

Minorities, in general, are those at the highest risk of being targeted with implicit bias. Primarily those of African descent have the highest rate of health complications after receiving medical treatment. However, demographics, prior health conditions, and socioeconomics are difficult to assess. 

Examples of those at higher risk of implicit bias in health care include:

Race

Gender

Country of Origin

Financial Status

Specific health conditions tend to vary in the care given, and the severity of complications. Pregnant African American women have a higher chance of death during pregnancy than white women. The statistics prove this, African American women are three to four times more likely than white women to die from complications during pregnancy or childbirth. Black women are more likely to die after being diagnosed with breast cancer. These health conditions are all treatable, but it comes down to how our healthcare providers assist with the complication. Do they meet their patient's needs? Are they viewing the complications from multiple angles? Is the patient-provider relationship as strong as it should be? These are all questions the medical provider should be asking when dealing with his or her patient,  regardless of their sex, race, and demographics. 

The graph displays the interaction between implicit racial bias and racial discrimination predicting elevated depressive symptoms among midlife African American men in the Bay Area Heart Health Study 

Chae, David H et al. “The Role of Racial Identity and Implicit Racial Bias in Self-Reported Racial Discrimination: Implications for Depression Among African American Men.” The Journal of black psychology vol. 43,8 (2017): 789-812. doi:10.1177/0095798417690055

Serena William’s Story

Serena Williams, 23 singles Grand Slams, mother and wife. She was a victim of the implicit bias in the healthcare system, and it nearly cost her everything. Williams’s experience began with an emergency C -section. Fortunately, Williams’s first procedure was successful without complications. Less than 24 hours, the new mother was fighting for her own life, based on complications in which she had previously informed her nurses and doctors about. Williams has a history of pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in the lungs), she would not take any chances if feeling the least bit unsure post-surgery. It took the tennis star to get out of bed and get providers' attention before even checking on her health. Williams had to tell nurses how to treat her condition before they even considered it to be a blood clot. No urgency or consideration for the athlete’s opinion on her body the nurse disregarded Williams’s wishes. Soon enough the doctors were performing ultrasounds. After continual advice, and concern from the patient, a CT was given and came back positive for blood clots. Due to her coughs from the embolism, it caused her C- section wound to rupture resulting in another surgery. Three surgeries later and Williams was able to think about her future with her daughter, and husband, Alexis Ohanian. This is one of many examples of how implicit bias can result in further health complications.

“That Face Is an Ace! Inside the Adorable Life of Serena Williams' Daughter Alexis Olympia.” PEOPLE.com, https://people.com/parents/serena-williams-

What Interventions can be Taken to Reduce Implicit Bias?

People are taking action regarding implicit bias in health care. Skills training, organizational support, and other resources are successfully reducing racism and increasing the quality of care patients receive. 

Skills used to lower racial bias include:

Assignments to identify stereotypes, race, and racism through learning objectives

Mandatory Racial Bias courses in medical schools

Patient-provider partnerships; build a relationship between provider and patient and create a theme of working towards a common goal

To create a safe, bias-free environment in health care facilities the discrimination needs to be understood and addressed. By implementing programs that current and future hospital employees attend will contribute to reducing the bias. By eliminating implicit bias in health care patients will feel more secure and their patient-provider relationship will grow.

Works Cited 

Allan S. Noonan, et al. “Improving the Health of African Americans in the USA: an Overdue Opportunity for Social Justice.” Public Health Reviews, BioMed Central, 3 Oct. 2016, publichealthreviews.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40985-016-0025-4.

“How Training Doctors in Implicit Bias Could Save Black Mothers' Lives.” NBCNews.com, NBCUniversal News Group, www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/how-training-doctors-implicit-bias-could-save-lives-black-mothers-n873036.

Nelson A. (2002). Unequal treatment: confronting racial and ethnic disparities in health care. Journal of the National Medical Association, 94(8), 666–668.

“Racism in Health Care – For Black Women Who Become Pregnant, It's a Matter of Life and Death.” NWLC, 13 Apr. 2018, nwlc.org/blog/racism-in-health-care-for-black-women-who-become-pregnant-its-a-matter-of-life-and-death/.

Randall, Vernella, and Tshaka Randall. “Cutting across the Bias: Teaching Implicit Bias in a Healthcare Law Course.” Saint Louis University Law Journal, no. Issue 3, 2016, p. 511. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edshol&AN=edshol.hein.journals.stlulj61.28&site=eds-live&scope=site.

Williams, Serena. “Serena Williams: What My Life-Threatening Experience Taught Me About Giving Birth.” CNN, Cable News Network, 20 Feb. 2018, www.cnn.com/2018/02/20/opinions/protect-mother-pregnancy-williams-opinion/index.html.

Reflection:

The purpose of my explainer on implicit bias in healthcare was to inform my selected audience in a way that was simple to understand, yet still academic. I wanted my explainer to be visually appealing in a simplistic manner. It was important to me that my explainer exploits the importance of this issue in the United States and that the biases can be reduced if action is taken place. My target audience is the general public, and users of social media, specifically young adults. My choice of medium was quite impactful for my target audience. Choosing to post my explainer on a blog allows all users of Tumblr to access my project. Including images, and specifically, a TED Talk into my explainer attracts social media users' attention. Using a TED Talk allows for information, in a quick, modern way. By keeping my explainer professional, yet appealing to the eye, helped meet my purpose of the importance of bias in healthcare. My audience was my final choice in choosing a blog. Blogs allow for other multimodal aspects within them that were also helpful in my decision making. I did consider creating a website but felt a blog was easier access for social media users and the general public. The most challenging aspect in terms of technology with Project 2 was creating my different forms of multimodality. Finding a video that was interesting and creating a hyperlink through the blog was the most difficult part. It took time to find a video that would appeal to my audience, and then adding it to my explainer and keeping the visual appeal took multiple attempts. The easiest part of the technology was using Tumblr, the website is very easy to navigate and make your post unique and professional. Overall the course work leading up to the final project was very beneficial. I was able to use what I learned throughout Project 1 and apply it to this unit. I enjoy that the project always for individuality and the choosing of our own topic. Lastly, peer review has been very beneficial to my overall growth as a writer. 

Outcome A.  “Analyze, compose, and reflect on arguments in a variety of genres, considering the strategies, claims, evidence, and various mediums and technologies that are appropriate to the rhetorical situation.” 

At first Outcome A was difficult for me. I have never considered having to explain something to an audience as a rhetoric situation. Because this genre was new to me, I had to view a variety of examples before understanding the overall concept. Analytically I had to look at my material through a different point of view. The outlook from the general population helped me understand how to compose and phrase my writing. The different mediums and technologies worked well for me because I wanted it to be technologically relevant, thus the choice of a blog. I also incorporated a “TED Talk” into my explainer, I feel these are popular in today’s society and will help grab the reader’s attention.

Outcome C.  “Use multiple approaches for planning, researching, prewriting, composing, assessing, revising, editing, proofreading, collaborating, and incorporating feedback in order to make your compositions stronger in various mediums and using multiple technologies.”

Outcome C worked well with the prewriting/ course work that was completed prior to Project 2. Much of my research for Project 2 had been completed in Project 1. The composition of my explainer revolved around Basic Features and Moves of Explainers, these examples really benefitted me and assisted in the overall format, and mediums to be used for the assignment. This project specifically I focused on collaborating with others by giving them the best feedback I could for them, as well as incorporating the feedback they give to me. By incorporating my peers and CAPS tutors feedback my explainer was able to reach a higher academic level, and hopefully became easier for others to benefit from my explainer on implicit bias in healthcare. 

Outcome D. “Improve your fluency in the dialect of Standardized Written American English at the level of the sentence, paragraph, and document.”

Project 2 influenced my sentence and paragraph structure positively. I was able to add variety to my writing by having to explain to the general public about my topic. Because it was not a typical essay format I was able to use different styles to grab the reader's attention. For example, the use of headings, subheadings, and bullet points was new to my writing. At first it was difficult to identify headings that would grab my reader's attention and correlate with my topic, but eventually, I was able to connect the two. Fluency was hard to obtain because the audience was so broad. Revision of my sentences to make my document academic, interesting and interesting played a major role in Project 2. 

[arplis]

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Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/gloriously-over-the-door-hanging-mirror

[the-record-newspaper]

The Killing of Rhonda Hinson Part 26

This photo was taken by Sarah McBrayer, who is a longtime neighbor of the Hinson family.  McBrayer stood in the driveway of her Hillcrest home and took a photo of the Hinson House, diagonally across the street from her location.

By LARRY J. GRIFFIN

Special Investigative Reporter

The Record

 To say that a death is suspicious is to offer an opinion; something doesn’t seem right.  Instead, we presented the facts and left the interpretation to others. –Ken Holmes, Marin County Coroner, The Education of a Coroner, 2017.

 It was during Sheriff Ralph Johnson’s administration that Bobby Hinson contacted authorities requesting that all of his daughter’s personal effects be returned to the family—including all of the items found in her car. Judy Hinson recounted the episode:  

“He went up there to get Rhonda’s things, and Ralph Johnson brought them to Bobby bundled up in what looked like a sheet. Bobby told me that he actually kinda  flung that bundle with her things in it at him…And yes, we had everything after that:  her East Burke jacket, the grey-hooded sweatjacket, and the pink snake. It was when Flash was working the case that he asked if he could take the snake and sweatjacket with him back to his office at the Sheriff’s Department. So, we let him have them.”

On Tuesday March 7, 1995 at 6 p.m., Detective James “Flash” Pruett phoned the residence of Sarah McBrayer, who lived diagonally across from the Hinson house on Hillcrest Street.  According to his investigative notes, Flash had received some information from Ernest Scott who owned a cab company in Morganton at that time.  

“[Mr. Scott] told me several years after the Hinson homicide he had some important information. He was reluctant to tell me over the years, but in October, 1994, he approached me with the information. He said that a Morganton attorney…had him pick Rhonda Hinson up at her home. Ernest said [the attorney] specifically told him to drive a vehicle no one would recognize. Ernest drove his Jeep. He said the event took place around the time of the homicide.”

Apparently in January 1995, Detectives Pruett and Franklin had discussed the probability of the attorney being involved in the killing of Rhonda Hinson.  Flash wrote:

“Gene [Franklin] felt that [the attorney] would have a lot to lose if Rhonda was about to tell something. We discussed where Rhonda could have come in contact with [his] family and suddenly we remember that the attorney’s brother was a physician and that the entire…family is from Valdese.”

Then the rhetorical questions, attendant to that hypothesis, were recorded in Flash’s assiduous notes:

“Could the [children of the family] have known Rhonda? Could [the attorney] and Rhonda [have] played tennis together? Were any of the events scheduled or promoted by the Mimosa Country Club or a club where the [attorney and his family] are members?”

However, during his interview with Ms. McBrayer on a late Winter early evening, speculations and concomitant questions were laid to rest.  

“During the conversation with Sarah McBrayer, she stated that Ernest [Scott] picked her up because she did not have a car back in 1981. She further stated that she dated [the attorney] about the time of Rhonda’s death and has continued to date him to this date. She lives…across from the victim’s home on Hillcrest.”  

Indicating that Ms. McBrayer had been “very helpful,” Detective Pruett turned attention to her previous statement detailing events of Dec. 23, 1981.  [Her full statement can be read in Installment XI of The Killing of Rhonda Hinson.]  Flash summarized the remainder of his conversation with Sarah in his notes:

“She was at the victim’s home when the first officer arrived on the scene on the morning of 122381 [Sic].  She saw Charles McDowell come to the home and stated exactly what the Hinsons recalled of the event. She said he would not talk to anyone and just stood by the doorway in the kitchen. She overheard one conversation when Charles McDowell called someone from the kitchen phone. Charles implied to Sarah he was calling the funeral home. She said he only made one phone call.”  

According to retrieved Central Telephone long distance records, a two-minute call was place between the Hinson residence and the McDowell residence at 3:37 a.m., on Dec. 23, 1981.  Detective Pruett identified that phone call to be one placed by Detective John McDevitt to the McDowell residence—a conversation alluded to by Betty McDowell in her statement of Feb. 16, 1982.  [Mr. McDowell left and went to look for her [Rhonda] in the beige Citation. Charlie did not get home before Valdese PD called and told them what happened.]”

At 3:43 a.m., a five-minute call was placed from the Hinson home to family members residing in Great Falls, S.C.  “It was to my sister, Bill Gantt, who is now deceased,” Judy Hinson averred.

Likely the call witnessed by Sarah McBrayer was placed at 3:50 a.m.—a one-minute call to the McDowell residence.  As before, Betty McDowell referenced that phone conversation as well, in her February 16th statement. [Charlie called…from the Hinsons and told us to come over.] Detective Pruett indicated this contact was made 13-minutes after John McDevitt called Greg McDowell.”  

And Ms. McBrayer was still at the Hinsons’ when Betty and Greg McDowell arrived.  Flash wrote:

“She observed the same unusual behavior the Hinsons observed.  The only difference in Sarah’s story is Greg threw-up numerous times. She also wondered why Greg was so clean shaven and why he had taken a shower before coming.”  

A week later—Tuesday March 14, 1995—Flash noted that he had not been able to meet with the Hinsons, as he had ostensibly planned to do, because he had to devote attention to “numerous” breaking-and-entering [B & E] arrests, though he did stipulate that he had spoken with them twice that day.

However, he did manage to place a call to Special Agent L. B. Thomas of the FBI in Raleigh.  During the hour conversation, he asked S.A. Thomas to do a profile of the shooter. He faxed a synopsis of the case to the FBI profiler, summarizing key events.  Agent Thomas concurred with Flash’s conclusion as to the identity of the shooter.  

“He stated that all the responses the shooter would have are inherit to [the suspect]…Agent Thomas said he would send me a written synopsis of his profile and he would also submit his thoughts on how we could break [the suspect].  He feels that [the suspect] would confess if we used the proper tactics.  Agent Thomas also feels the polygraph should not be used exclusively to clear a suspect.”

 “Due to a heavy case load and numerous arrests on B & E’s [sic], I have not been able to work on the Hinson case,” Detective Pruett confided in his written notes, dated Wednesday, March 22, 1995. He was able to meet, however, with Mr. Webb with the Department of Transportation. The survey of Highway 350 [Eldred  Street] was on Flash’s calendar for that day and had been scheduled by Tony Moore.  

“I talked with Webb at the office, made him copies of photographs showing the rods with the angles, and he also followed me to the scene. I also gave him the map we drew the 20 degree angle on.  Webb was unable to calculate the six-percent grade with the angles. Webb briefly looked at the terrain at the scene and returned to McDowell  County.  

Later that day, Tony Moore contacted Flash with some rough measurements. Because the exact location of Rhonda’s vehicle at the point of impact was unknown, Moore factored a maximum and minimum distance on northbound Highway 350, leading into Valdese. His preliminary findings were compelling:

“At the minimum distance, Tony said the shooter would have to be 15-feet above I-40 and at the maximum, the shooter would have to be 42-feet above 1-40. Tony explained the vertical angle was very shallow (three and a half degrees) but when you factor the distance to I-40, the height of the angle increased dramatically.

Translation?  If Mr. Moore’s measurements were accurate, the shot could not have possibly been fired from I-40, as some had posited.  But, he agreed to research the angles and road grade and send the survey team back with the correct formula.  

“Tony said in his opinion, the shooter would have been close to the victim’s car to match the angles.”  

In April 1995, Detective Pruett journeyed to Wilkies Grove Baptist Church to meet and talk with the secretary, Shelia Robinson. He requested the phone records of the parsonage and church.  Ms. Robinson felt that records did not exist because of the time period lapse, but pledged to look further into the matter and let Flash know.

After some weeks without a word, he called the secretary’s residence several times.  Finally on May 16, 1995, Ms. Robinson phoned the detective to inform him that she had located the records.  Nine days later, he returned to the church to peruse the phone data.  It was 10 a.m., Thursday May 25, 1995, when Detective Pruett walked into Shelia Robinson’s office at Wilkies Grove Baptist Church.

“She first brought the brown manila envelope containing the 1981 records. I found the telephone records up to just a few days before the homicide…All the bills were neatly divided into monthly packets showing the bill divided into personal and official categories. The itemized list of [long-distance] calls was attached to each monthly bill. There were many calls to the victim’s residence from the parsonage. The billing cycle caused the sheet I wanted to see fall on the January 1982 bill. I asked for the 1982 envelope. Shelia left the room and returned with it.”

As Flash examined the contents of the envelope, he was able to locate the main telephone bill but discovered the itemized long-distance phone call listing was missing.  He asked Ms. Robinson for the 1983 records and discovered the main phone bills; but, the itemized long-distance listings were missing as well. Upon requesting and perusing the 1984-1985 records, the detective found the billing information to be complete and accurate—like those of the 1980-1981 records.  

 “I called John Suttle and asked him to call the AG’s [Attorney-General’s] office.  John called several people, including our DA [District Attorney] and called me back at the church office.  He said everyone agreed the proper way to handle the matter…”

Against the wishes of the pastor and deacons, yet armed with the approval of his superiors, Detective Pruett seized the church’s 1980-1985 records.

[mitchbeck]

CANTLON: (FEB 9) UCONN WINS BIG MATCHUP WITH MERRIMACK

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - Ruslan Ishkarov and Jonny Evans, each had three points in leading the UCONN Huskies in a must-win game over Merrimack College, a 5-0 shutout before a season-high XL Center crowd of 8,211 on Saturday. UCONN's record climbs to 9-17-2 (4-12-2 HEA) while Merrimack falls to 7-20-1 (4-14-0 HEA). UCONN climbs to ninth place and within five points of Maine for the eighth and final Hockey East playoff spot. “That was the most complete game our team has played all year long with the exception of six minutes at the start of the second. We played very consistent, smart, and played the smart way. All of a sudden the puck starts bouncing for you. We’ve struggled a few good games together here and we're reaping the rewards that come with that. I'm very happy with the effort.” The Huskies put the cap on a full sixty minute game in the third period with a gorgeous give-and-go between Ishkarov and Evans. Evans was in the center area inside the Merrimack zone. He sent a pass to Ishkarov, who quickly put it back on Evans stick. Evans got inside position on Merrimack's rearguard, Tyler Heidt, and deposited his second goal of the game, and fifth of the season inside the near post at the 5:00 mark. Evans returned to the lineup following an absence due to a concussion. He was a key factor in what UCONN has been badly missing, scoring. “It's nice to play with him,“ remarked Evans. “We started the year together on the power play and we have kind of built from that the last five games or so." For Cavanaugh, Evans return was a necessary ingredient they needed. “We struggled to score goals in that tough stretch we had. He’s a dynamic player and he and Ruslan had found some chemistry and Max (Kalter) is the engine of that line. In his last four games, Ishkarov, a second-round draft pick of the New York Islanders, has displayed his varied skill set which prompted the team to select him when they did. The biggest change was a more directed use of his smooth skating skills. “He is playing with two guys who like to go North in a hurry. When he first got here he played a lot of East-West hockey and not using his speed to his advantage. He has manifested himself into a player who is playing hard and adjusting to North American hockey and getting results.” Evans who missed eleven games with an upper-body injury is the perfect complement to Ishkarov getting into offensive positions all game as UCONN, as a team, kept their feet moving right from the game’s first shift. “We worked on that this week. We wanted to get on top of their D early and we did that effectively,” said Evans. The Huskies and Merrimack jockeyed for position in the first eight minutes of the second period. UCONN’s netminder, Tomas Vomacka, made key saves, but a strong cycle shift with three quality UCONN shots, one went off the post, halfway through the period, set up the next shift and the Huskies tallied their second goal. “In this league, you're going to have to weather storms. You're not going to have the puck for sixty minutes every game. We used the TV timeout to regroup, mitigate some of the turnovers that were causing us problems, and we took it to them and opened the game up,” said Cavanaugh. Vomacka felt good, while his team knew of the importance of the game. “We were focused right from the beginning. We started fast and that’s what we talked about in the locker room and everybody started to feel better. Making the saves, that’s my job, and after those five minutes the boys had me pretty good and that’s what you have to do to be successful,” Vomacka, a freshman from the Czech Republic, said. Evans and Miles Gendron were denied on their scoring attempts, and then the Huskies' Ben Freeman went from behind the net to the right wing corner side and shielded the puck with his 6’5 frame perfectly on Warriors defenseman Alex Carle. He hit Zach Robbins, who was open on the left-wing side, fifteen feet out and snapped his first goal of the season at 10:16. “Zach did a nice job on that play. Their strength is they carry it out well and they try to outnumber you and we won those battles as Ben did there to feed it to Zach.” The Huskies scored again 44 seconds later on the powerplay just ten seconds after the penalty call. UConn started the man-advantage perfectly by winning the faceoff. Four of the five UCONN players on the ice then touched the puck with Ishkarov spotting Freeman in a perfect situation in the slot down. He went down to one knee and fired his sixth into the back of the net at 10:50. “I just have to pass the puck to (Freeman) and he shot it, not hard,” remarked a smiling Ishkarov. Cavanaugh was elated with the play “You don’t often get a powerplay to work like that. There were a lot of options we had out there, but Ben finished off the play as Ruslan made a nice feed to him.” UCONN had full control of the puck and offensive zone time scored for a fourth goal. Evans took Kalter’s lead pass and marched down the left wing. Kalter got around the Warriors' Dman, Matt McArdle. He approached the net. Halladay made the first move and Evans snapped his shot into the top shelf under the crossbar at 14:25 sending the large, exuberant crowd dancing in their seats throughout the XL Center. “I was going to the net and I thought I was going to get blown out (hit), so I cut back across quickly, and I just saw the opening and shot it,” Evans said with a laugh. The Huskies got exactly the start they wanted controlling the puck in the offensive zone and keeping Merrimack out of the Huskies end of the ice and scoring the first goal to get the home crowd into the game. From behind the net, Evans spotted Ishkarov all alone. Ishkarov handled the puck well in the small space and just long enough to find room to put in his fifth goal of the season on the short side at 1:55. The surprise UCONN starter in net, Tomas Vomacka, made a save on a two-on-one by Sami Tavernier, a righthanded shot taken from the left-wing. The calculus of the decision was not a Cavanaugh developed algorithm. “He won the last game,” Cavanaugh said with a smile. “The team played pretty well in front of him (so), let’s give him another one.” Vomacka stood tall in a pressure filled game. ”He played very well and we didn’t give up too many Grade A chances and that is a credit to the defense playing well in front of him and he did a good not leaving rebounds out there for them to have second chances.” Halfway thru the period, UCONN had a decided edge in shots 10-4. Jachym Knondelik and Payusov had back-to-back chances repelled, and with 2:23 remaining in the period, Ishkarov was on a breakaway and stopped, as was Ben Freeman’s wraparound attempt with under a minute to went through the crease from the left wing side. NOTES: Merrimack featured several sons of New Haven Nighthawks. Tyler Drevitch son of Scott, Tyler Heidt son of Mike and Cole McBride son of Daryn. Mike Babcock for the Warriors is indeed the son of Toronto Maple Leafs head coach Mike Babcock Sr. Ex-Husky Brian Morgan was taken by Greenville (ECHL) on waivers from Florida (ECHL). Robert Cronin, Gunnery Prep (Washington, CT) has committed to University of New Hampshire (HE) for 2019-20. Read the full article

[gaknar]

Review: The Secret Wars

Well we made it. We survived the Secret Wars. We survived all the hackneyed, 3rd grade, dumbfuckery that is one of the weirdest comic book crossovers of all time.

Remember when I was just starting this huge fucking omnibus? Remember when I made it half way through? Here I am on the night I finally finished that sucker off. Look how happy I am! And here is a big review. The decision to cover the Secret Wars came from a desire to track the core X-Men characters through every comic they appear in. For the purpose of nerd posterity. And to meticulously observe the level of continuity that the writers were able to achieve (or not achieve). Though the X-Men are not the central focus of either Secret Wars series, they are present, and these stories were the big Marvel event of the time. And the Secret Wars have always been so notorious that I’ve always wanted to read them. And god damn it why am I making excuses. I wanted to read these comics because I love Marvel even when they are at their worst.

Like seriously I could be reading Nietzsche or Ernest Cline and all I want to read is these dumb fucking comics.

Technically speaking, this reading covered Uncanny X-Men #176-#203, Secret Wars, Secret Wars II (including all crossover issues), Asgardian Wars, the Magik mini-series, the Nightcrawler mini-series, the Longshot mini-series, Kitty Pryde and Wolverine, and a bunch of issues of the New Mutants. I had no idea that these mere 23 issues of Uncanny X-Men would coincide with so much other X-Men related material, but such is the nature of the popularity explosion that the X-Men were going through at the time. And coincidentally, it was Secret Wars writer / Marvel editor-in-chief Jim Shooter who decreed the X-Men brand had to be expanded on so largely, because it was so popular, and because Marvel was leaving money on the table by only showcasing the characters in 2 on-going series. Hey remember when Marvel cared enough about the X-Men that they actually tried to exploit their popularity?? Remember when they promoted the characters and stories as if they actually wanted the brand to be successful? Ahh those were the days.

I couldn’t find a picture of it, but my first comic book t-shirt had Wolverine on it, smoking a cigar, with the text “Make Mine Marvel, and Make it a Mutie.” That was in 1988. Compare that to how Marvel regards the X-Men now when making merchandise.

Reading all of this material, and the massive amount of other random comics that are included in the Secret Wars II crossover, it’s easy to see why Chris Claremont was so well regarded at the time. The criticisms of his writing are still valid. He’s as wordy as ever, many of the characters are sexualized in an unnecessary way, and compared to more popular modern writers his material is dated, slowly paced, campy, repetitive, or just uninteresting to some people. But when you directly compare him to his contemporaries at the time, the Uncanny X-Men was like something from the future. His comics are filled with dark stories of inner personality conflicts:

feminist focused character arcs:

and social commentaries integrated into the narrative in a natural way:

You just don’t get these qualities in the issues of the Avengers, Spider-Man or Captain America that were being published at the time:

Not that this story about Captain America fighting a giant, human armadillo wasn’t engaging!! It totally was! For serious! It was no laughing matter!!

While reading the massive Secret Wars II crossover that touched nearly every Marvel comic being published, coming to an issue of Claremont’s Uncanny X-Men or New Mutants was like grabbing breath of fresh air. People talk realistically and eloquently:

characters have depth and subtlety, and they don’t always behave predictably:

and best of all, aesthetically speaking, Uncanny X-Men contains some of the coolest stories in comics:

And despite the convoluted comic book narrative crossing over into several different titles, there is continuity in Claremont’s writing that drives everything along in a believable way. For instance, after Kitty gets her hair hacked off by Ogun the demon ninja in the Kitty Pryde and Wolverine mini-series, she returns to Uncanny X-Men and you see her hair grow back slowly over time as the stories play out in chronological order, despite the publishing schedule of these different comics being completely out of order at times.

Kitty Pryde and Wolverine #2 (Published Dec 1984)

Kitty Pryde and Wolverine #4 (Published Feb 1985)

Returning from Japan in Uncanny X-Men #192 (Published April 1985)

X-Men Annual 8 (Published Dec 1985) which takes place during a 3 month gap between panels at the end of X-Men #192.

X-Men / Alpha Flight #2 (Published Jan 1986) which takes place during the same 3 month gap between panels at the end of X-Men #192.

Uncanny X-Men #193 (Published May 1985

Power Pack #12 (Published July 1985

Uncanny X-Men #194 (Published June 1985)

Uncanny X-Men #196 (Published Aug 1985)

Uncanny X-Men #201(Published Jan 1986)

It’s this sort of attention to detail that really engages an OCD kid like me and gives a feeling of life to these comics. When I was a young, naïve nerd who didn’t have a life or any friends (I have tons now I swear), it really felt like these characters were real people having amazing adventures and each comic book was a window into their living, breathing, persistent, physical, world. Successfully creating this illusion was Chris Claremont’s big talent, and it’s often overlooked when you spot check any one particular comic he’s written, or focus too tightly on the words that fill up any particular panel he’s designed.

I still have no idea what’s going on here.

I’m going to hang my rep on the line here and say something controversial. These X-Men comics and Claremont’s writing in the mid 80s—I think this has been his best work so far. I know these stories come long after the ones he is most famous for, and while it’s probably true that the conceptual narratives of the Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past are more interesting from a fantasy standpoint, his character work in these later comics is more engaging to me. There is more depth and believability, perhaps because the characters have existed for many years at this point, and there is a strong sense that they are growing, maturing, and struggling to be better people. This development takes time, and it happens over many comic books that span many years of publishing, and this may be why these comics are not as well remembered as the bigger stories. But because of the added depth I’m more invested in the little events that are happening to these characters in every issue:

So. On the other hand. I’m not going to spend too much time talking about Secret Wars since I think I pretty well conveyed my opinion of these comics while I was reading them over the last year. Again, reading Claremont’s work alongside the Secret Wars and the Secret Wars II, as well as the dozens of other Marvel comics that were part of the Secret Wars II crossover, is jarring. Because the Secret Wars are not subtle. Or eloquent. Or well written. Or averagely written. Or poorly written. They are terribly written. As I said in one of my posts, the Secret Wars are the comic book equivalent of a Michael Bay movie, in which the director (in this case editor-in-chief Jim Shooter) fancies his characters as toys, and his stories as an excuse to bash his toys together while supplying his own vocal sound effects.

And for the most part, that exciting shit only happens in the first Secret Wars. In the second, when the omnipotent Beyonder takes human form and comes to Earth to study human desire and search for contentment, we don’t even get the popcorn fun of watching our favorite comic book characters mindlessly bash each other’s brains in. We get one of the least interesting characters ever moping around trying to understand the nature of his clinical depression.

There is NOTHING interesting about the Beyonder. He’s an 80’s cliché, everything an uninspired, middle aged writer thought was envious or intimidating 30 years ago. His story takes itself way too seriously, attempting to examine the broad existential themes of happiness, contentment, and the meaning of life, but failing completely at creating any tension or… you know… any interest in anything going on. It’s really, really, really not good. As most Marvel fans know, you can’t recommend these stories to anyone. They were published at a time when the comic book medium was maturing into something more respectable with the arrival of stories such as Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns. But god damn it, as most Marvel fans know, if you are a super big geek that likes to see all your favorite characters get together to fight a super big bad, there’s still something fun about these comics. In a horrible, embarrassing, guilty pleasure sort of way. There’s nothing respectable about these stories, but I still found myself laughing out loud and excited to write about them, to parade their panels around the internet and make fun of them. Does this make me a bad person?

I can’t say I was expecting the climax of the Secret Wars II. With this man-baby squirting sphincter machine the Beyonder used to birth himself as a regular human.

So alright. That’s it. Let’s move on already. My review is: Don’t read the Secret Wars. Unless you already know you want to. There!!! I’m done with the Secret Wars!!! Forever!!! I'm going to take a break for a few days, but then it’s time to read the last leg of Chris Claremont’s run on the Uncanny X-Men. These are the first X-Men comics I’ve ever read as a kid! Let me at them!!