#i think the fact that nobody is getting mad at us for these mistakes somehow actually makes it worse?

[stargazerdali]

vent post, read it if you want I guess but I am not very nice to myself

at the end of my mf rope rn and I gotta get it out. I have fucked up, in either large or small ways, every single thing I have done in the past month. Literally every single thing. We do not want to do things anymore because we haven't successfully done a thing since like. Mid June.

It would be one thing if it was like. New stuff. I can mostly handle being bad at something I've never done before. But we are fucking up at shit we do literally all the time.

I am One (1) more mistake from turning into the local wailing banshee in the woods.

[hessofather]

Chapter One- 1980 Something

A/N:  I’m just writing about family stories and my life. Sad, happy, funny, painful. There is one thing that all these memories have in common. It all screams white trash. Maybe I’m using this as a way to cope. Maybe nobody will ever read this. But if you are, please, go grab your cigarettes and boones farm strawberry wine with ice in it, and enjoy the rollercoaster of events that I call my life.

Ok so imagine this, it’s summer 1980-something. You’re a 15 year old, who comes from an abusive home with an alcoholic step-father, and satan as your mother. Like literally satan. (Don’t worry there will be more stories later) You live in a two mile long town with 1500 people in it. You’re gorgeous, tan, blonde, skinny, and a killer sense of style. You’re wearing a pair of yellow overalls that are shorts with a white tube top. Living your best life walking down the street with your best-friend. 

     You’re walking and feelin that summer heat burning your skin, you don’t mind though. Skin cancer or not you want to be tan enough that people mistake you for that beef jerky they sell down at the piggly-wiggly. You hear this truck driving down the road. Oh it’s your besties guy friend, and someone else with him. They pull up beside you and there he is, in all his glory. Long brownish-blondish hair, teeth that would give George Washington a run for his money, a silk shirt with rocket ships on it, and a navy blue paisley bandana tied around his forehead sweatband style. 

     There he sits with his dorky smile and squinty red eyes. You could probably smell the weed from a mile away upwind. You all chat for a minute and they ride away into the sunset, like the Cheech and Chong wannabes they are. Your friend looks at you and proceeds to beg you to get with the bandana wearing, Willy Nelson looking guy. She begs you to because, in her words, “if you don’t I will.” And like the Atlantis Morrissette loving bad bitch you are you say “fine.” You then continue walking and working on being the darkest skin in town. Other than that one black family that lives on the outskirts of town. Guess they had to let ‘‘em in town at some point.

      You start dating this man we’ll call, Willy, as in Willy Nelson. But he’s a jr, so we’ll call him Willy Jr for a minute. He seems nice enough, your parents hate him but who are they to judge? Your mom is actually Satan, your step dad is an abusive alcoholic with war PTSD. As for your real dad, well you don’t know much of him other than the fact that your mom tells you he tried to kidnap you. According to your mom she had somehow contacted the famous biker gang “hells angels” and had them go kindly retrieve you and bring you back into the safety of her leathery arms. You don’t know if you believe this. But it’s a fun story so you tell it anyways. Willy Jr is different to you. He smokes weed with you and doesn’t even charge you, apparently he’s 19, but it’s fine in 1980-something for a 19 year old and 15 year old to be gettin jiggy with it. He has some anger issues but you think to yourself “It’s fine, he’s had a hard life. I can change him.” 

     The holes in the walls seem to think different along with broken windows and broken dishes. He gets mad sometimes and just can’t seem to control himself. It’s fine though. He basically saved you from your parents so you owe him the rest of your life. You will owe him everything you are. You will no longer be just you. You will be his extension of himself, his rock, his cane, his foot stool, his punching bag, his target for practicing his aim with dishes and random objects. It’s fine though. You owe him. The free weed speaks for itself. Nobody is just giving that shit out nowadays. It’s fucking 1980-something and you just know that there’s no way this will last forever. You’ll get out someday. As soon as you no longer owe him. 

     1986, a trailer house, and a baby boy. Willy Jr seems to not totally enjoy being a father, despite you naming the baby after him, but it’s ok. You’ll love this baby enough for the both of you. You won’t end up making this baby feel the way your parents made you feel. So you will gladly sit in the house rocking your sweet Willy III to sleep. Petting your hand through his little mullet, “I’m never going to regret this decision of putting a mullet on my baby” you think to yourself. Things will get better someday. You’ll get out of this damn trailer park and buy some fucking shoes. Being barefoot and pregnant is a lot harder than it sounds. Thank God for boxed wine though. 

     Three years later, 1989, everyone has pressured you into getting pregnant again. Because apparently ever child needs a sibling. You lay in bed one night with Willy Jr and say “wanna get married? I’m not having two kids and not getting married. I ain’t a whore.” So willy says “Sure” and ties a bread tie around your finger. You go down to the courthouse and pay the man marrying you with a pack of beer because he says “no money needed, save it for the baby.” Thank the Lord Almighty it’s a boy. Sticking to the “W” theme you name this one Walter. At this point you had hoped to never bring a girl into this world. You would have no idea how to bring up a LADY, hell you’re the one thats gonna have to teach your boys how to burp, because lord knows Willy Jr couldn’t burp if he drank three cans of Cola on a bumpy road. You think to yourself “I’m definitely giving this one a mullet too.” You assure yourself that those will never go out of style of make for ridiculous family photos down the line.

     Willy Jr still has quite the temper on him. He’s started using your sons as his personal verbal punching bags along with his famous target practice. It’ll get better though. If you could just get out of this damn trailer park and find your damn shoes you lost. It’s ok though, you mostly bring it on yourself at this point. You know exactly how to push his buttons and what to say to piss him off. You know those buttons don’t have to be pushed hard either, like they just got some WD-40 last week. So when he does things like hit on your friends, get you high while your sleeping by blowing smoke in your face, beat the kids or dogs, or simply being a shit father by staying out in the garage all damn day smoking weed, you know all you have to do is say a few words and for a minute it’ll feel like you won. That is of course, until you’re cleaning up broken glass and patching holes in the walls. Making sure to never let your boys see you cry. It’ll get better, just gotta let these boys grow up some, then I can get out. 

     Many fights, drugs, bruises, heartaches, family vacations, and boxes of wine later, the year is 1999. You are almost to the point of your boys being old enough that it’d be alright if you and Willy Jr split ways. You can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Your youngest is getting ready to turn 10. They’ll understand why itd be best for them if their dad wasn’t around anymore. Until one day, you see a small plus sign on that damn pregnancy test. You think to yourself “I’m 34. I’m so tired. My debt was almost paid to Willy Jr. I almost didn’t owe him anymore.” You sob violently for hours before you pull yourself together and decide that life goes on. Besides you’ve done this twice, what’s one more boy? 

     You go on being pregnant and working at an airplane parts building place. One of your coworkers claims to have been stuck by lighting once and says he can tell you what your baby is. You think he’s crazy. He lays his hands on your stomach and says “A little girl. With blonde bouncy curls and a bright smile.” There’s no way. You couldn’t possibly be having a girl. Later you go to the doctor and to your horror, he was right. It’s a girl. Lord have mercy on her soul. You realize the pain she will endure as a woman and as the daughter of her father. “Maybe this one doesn’t need a mullet.” 

Another A/N: Well reader the fun thing about this is that I can do whatever my ass wants to do with this story. Because this story isn’t about you at all. So far up until now, it’s been about my mother. I am the last and only daughter and I plan on sharing all my white trash demons with you. From here on out it will no longer be me trying to engage you, by telling you it’s your story. Because it’s not. I’ve earned all my stories one by one since 1999. All my white trash demons haunt me with every bottle of wine and every old country song. I guess you could call me selfish for turning this whole thing around to be about me. But the funny thing is that even though I am my mothers daughter, I refuse to owe anyone anything. So if you do stick around to read whatever I post, I appreciate you. And if you leave because you’re bored with it, well that’s ok, your mom seemed to love my stories last night. 

[vforvadersbitches]

A child.

A fucking child.

How did this happen?! He’s careful. He’s always careful. Is he not? Even the one time (...or two times...) he and Cody had a roll-around in the sheets, he thought of using a condom- so how could he have been so careless with a woman?

Virgil paces back and forth across the space of his office, hands clasped behind his back as he tries to replay every single incident in his head. The woman from Crait. The woman from Sullust. Corellia. Several from right here on Coruscant. Two or three on Shili- gods, those were the days. But if his child is half-Togruta... he shudders to think of what it may look like.

Was it the Mandalorian woman? They’re always desperate for children. She could have tricked him. But nobody tricks him. Formerly Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Negotiator. No, nothing slips past him. Unless it’s a sperm- those apparently get past him quite easily. 

“Virgil.” Cody’s sharp voice brings him out of his pacing and he pauses, turning to look at his Commander.

“Yes?”

“You good? Been callin’ your name for like two minutes.”

Virgil nods a little. “I’m fine. What do you need?”

“Just here to give you a report.” He walks in and lays the file on Virgil’s desk. “You’re pissed about somethin’. What’s goin’ on?”

Virgil clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath, shaking his head slowly. “I somehow managed to get someone pregnant. I’ve a child.”

Cody cringes a little at the disdain in Virgil’s voice. “You’re not... happy ‘bout that?”

“Ha!” Virgil blinks, rearing back, “Why the fuck would I be happy about that, Cody?”

“Well I dunno...” Cody shrugs. “Someone to... continue on as Emperor? Once you’re too old or somethin’?”

Virgil pauses, carefully considering his statement.

“Don’t tell me you hadn’t thought of that,” Cody says carefully. “Virgil, you gotta have someone to take your place and keep up whatever programs and things you put in place.”

“Mm. How right you are,” Virgil murmurs absentmindedly, stroking his beard a few times before saying, “You’re dismissed. Thank you.”

He waits until Cody leaves before turning toward the window, scanning the city as he lets himself dive into the Force. Where is it? Where is his child? That little, pulsing beacon- it’s right at the tip of his fingers whenever he reaches out, but he can’t pinpoint it, nor can he sort of contact it yet. No nudges, no taps- nothing. Too far away. Who could it possibly be?

For the next several months, he sets out on a mission of his own, searching the planets he previously visited- only, the mistake he makes is completely forgetting about three or four different planets that he once visited, their populations far too small to even give him any sort of lasting memory.

Sometimes, the child feels closer, and other times, it’s so far away he can barely even feel it anymore. Always staying just under his radar, just out of reach.

With a continuous amount of no luck, his rage only increases, further affecting his kill count- which... Cody has even said is too high for him to know, anymore. Tragic. As if Cody is a Saint- but whatever.

Day after day with no new results sends Virgil into an even deeper pit of madness. He surprises people with a new behavioral habit of screaming with every bit of rage he’s got, at random times throughout the day. Of course Cody faces the brunt of that frustration, but he often gives it right back- something Virgil appreciates, whether he says it or not. The Fall did something to Cody that pushed him just over the edge he needed- even in the Order he didn’t take any shit from anyone, but now he gives it back, something he neglected to do out of by-the-book rules of respect.

It isn’t until the child is born that it becomes painfully obvious- so obvious, in fact, that it wakes him in the middle of the night with how strong the path forms in his mind. He sits up in bed and pants softly, the covers falling off and gathering in his lap as he runs a hand through his hair.

“There you are,” he breathes, his eyes glowing even while they’re open, as if he’s staring right at the guiding light your child shines in the Force.

He slides out of bed and slowly pads across the hall, opening Cody’s door before walking in-

To find Cody awake?

“What the fuck are you doing up so late?” he asks Cody, voice hoarse from screaming earlier in the day yet again.

Cody stares down at the caf in his mug as he sits at the counter. “It’s late?”

Virgil blinks. “Cody it’s four in the morning. Did you get up just now? Or have you been up?”

“I don’t... know.” Cody murmurs. “Been up, ‘think.”

“Uh huh...” Virgil nods slowly, “Right- well since you’re up, we’ve got to go.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now,” he nods again. “As soon as possible. I’ve found the child.”

Cody hums and gets up from his stool, moving to transfer his caf to a travel mug. “‘Kay. Y’want just me? Or...”

“Do I want you? Hm, it has been awhile since we’ve done something-”

“Not like that,” Cody sighs. “Do you want just me on the trip.”

Virgil blinks at his sharpness, raising a brow slightly. “Alright then. No, I’d like you to gather a group of men. In case she tries to run.”

“Got it. Meet you in the hangar in twenty. Get the fuck out.”

“Someone’s feisty today,” he hums, studying Cody, “What is your problem? Did something happen?”

Cody walks past and points at the door on his way to the bedroom, silently telling Virgil yet again to get out as he disappears to get his armor on. Virgil watches Cody’s back muscles move as he struts back the hall, tilting his head.

“I always do love watching you walk away!” Virgil calls teasingly, smirking when Cody’s door slams shut. “Old boy’s lost his mind again. That’s alright. Fresh air will do him good.”

He hums again to himself and slips out of Cody’s quarters, also getting dressed before meeting Cody in the hangar at the twenty minute mark on the dot.

Cody kicks off the ship and boards with him, the men he selected already seated and ready to go. He enters the coordinates Virgil gave him, then sets the course for your home planet.

And that morning, just a little after breakfast time, he waits for his men to station themselves either near or around your home before banging on the door.

“Open up,” he calls firmly, rolling his eyes to himself at the way Virgil hangs back for a dramatic entrance. Why can’t he do this bullshit himself?

[nonbinarynightmarefuel]

Since the dyscalculic experience isn't a monolith I wanted to chime in on my experience with it.

I have always been horrible at arithmetic, I didn't often understand very simple math concepts nor could I do them with any quickness. I wasn't skilled at memorizing math facts and I often made silly errors on tests and homework where I forgot a step or mixed up a number or did the arithmetic incorrectly.

In elementary school I went to a special education classroom for math because I couldn't fundamentally grasp it, and spent my recesses in fifth grade indoors solving mad minutes because I could never do within the time limit.

In middle and high school I struggled a lot with algebra, geometry, and factoring. I'm skilled at memorizing series of numbers/letters so the quadratic equation was easy for me to remember, but I didn't always get what to "plug in" correct.

I never had the ability to manage my time well. I couldn't estimate how long anything would take me to do or figure out ways to make things take less time. I was frequently late for school and late coming home. I couldn't manage to stay on top of homework partially because I didn't grasp how long it would take me to do. Analog clocks take me a long time to read, military time requires mentally doing a lengthy math problem for me. I was never good at estimating length or balance. I also always struggled with money because I would estimate I had more than I did, because I wasn't fully understanding how the prices added up to the total, nor could I adequately apply sales tax outside of the dollar store.

I am however decent at pattern recognition. Dyscalculia, like dyslexia, is a logical processing disorder.

In my first semester of college, right when I found out I'm dyscalculic (but my school records show it was identified in elementary school), I was taking a high school level algebra course and it just so happened to be taught by a professor who somehow, specifically, taught for dyscalculia. The way that he approached the numbers and math problems made sense to me and he spent a long time explaining and showing us how factoring works. He pointed out every pattern in the process so that we could use them to our advantage. He also allowed us to correct small mistakes. During this class I forced myself to do arithmetic without a calculator and I got really good at adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, and using powers (for a dyscalculic).

A couple semesters later I took trigonometry and the unit circle is a big concept that you deal with and trigonometry and it is critical to understand it in order to succeed in the class and in calculus... It took me months to understand the pattern of the unit circle and that there was a pattern because nobody pointed it out to me explicitly. The day that we learned it and filled in our unit circle models (to be used for the remainder of the semester on tests) the teacher asked what came next and most of the students in the class knew what came next because they just innately understood the pattern... And I did not. But once I understood the pattern, I suddenly understood everything in trigonometry. The harder concepts were not more difficult for me to learn once I understood the underlying pattern.

But like all other areas of executive function and logical processing, it can be "built on" by making more connections in your brain. Therapy and education/learning can help create more connections for your brain cells to communicate better and it can improve dyscalculia to some degree.

The critical thinking skills I gained in college and the executive function skills I worked on with therapy tools helped me get so much better with math concepts, patterns, and numbers.

Also... Sometimes I just over-guess how much time or money something will take.

can you talk more about your experience with dyscalculia? I've been learning more about learning disabilities but I guess I'm not sure I "understand" dyscalculia, or what it actually does to peoples ability to do math (or understand numbers?) thanks in advance :)

Hi! Yes. So dyscalculia is basically a term that means you have trouble understanding anything involving numbers.

So time, measurement, math, etc. I’ve also seen from research that it can also affect your sense of direction and processing direction, which I think is true for me because I SUCK with directions.

It’s all very complicated. For me, math is a huge struggle for me. Anything above a fourth grade math level is a no, and even with things like times tables, I need a calculator.

Analog clocks are hard for me also, and take a long time to figure out. M ilitary time is so hard for me aswell and I can never quite grasp it.

I hope this helps! If you have anymore questions then let me know!

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[skiller0dani]

NSFW Alphabet | JJ Maybank

M A S T E R L I S T Outer Banks Masterlist

smut requests info

hope you enjoy, love you all. 

AFTERCARE (what he’s like after sex)

so JJ is used to random hook ups and aftercare wasn’t always something he did

he did if he was in the mood 

most of the time hook ups were a way to release pent up frustration 

and when he’s mad he doesn’t do aftercare

until he started dating you

now he goes a little over the top with aftercare

he massages you with lotion afterwards

gets you water and snacks if you want them

hot water bottle if you’re sore

sometimes draws you a bath

boy really loves you & wants to take care of you 

BODY PART (his favorite body part of his & yours)

JJ loves every single inch of your body

but deep down he’s an ass man

loves to see the round curve of your ass in those tight jeans you wear

and your bikini? 

lets just say JJ has a lot of unwanted boners whenever you’re in a swimsuit

which is often during the summer

you can always count on JJ to pin you against the wall and grab a handful of that perfect ass of yours at least once a day

CUM (anything to do with cum, basically)

JJ thinks your cum tastes good

which is kind of embarrassing when he talks about it too much

sometimes he talks about your cum just to see you get all bashful about it with rosy cheeks

funnily enough JJ thinks his cum is kinda gross though

“ew it got on me!” 

“that’s your cum JJ!” 

he usually cleans it off your right away though

he doesn’t want it to get tacky on your skin

which grosses him out more

DIRTY SECRET (a dirty secret of his)

JJ, for some reason, is embarrassed about the fact that he tends to be a little gentler in bed then people expect

it’s an inside joke among the pogues that JJ is a rough lover

which you discovered is not really true

he can be rough, but normally he isn’t

he’s rough when he gets possessive

like when Rafe and his little group flirt with you to piss JJ off 

you can bet that night JJ will be pounding into you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a few days

JJ can also get rough if he’s angry 

if someone pisses JJ off for any reason you can count on getting thrown around a little

but he doesn’t throw you around too much, he would never hurt you

it’s all consensual though, JJ would never do that if he knew you didn’t want him to

EXPERIENCE (how experienced is he? does he know what he’s doing?)

JJ, much to your dismay, is very experienced while you were very inexperienced

by the time you two had sex the first time he had already been with 4 girls before you

JJ had to teach you everything about sex

he was very sexually ambiguous for a 17 year old 

JJ has never been ashamed of his sexual past, but when he started dating you he did feel a little guilty when he saw how much it bothered you

it only bothered you so much because you were a virgin before JJ

you’ve never been with anybody before JJ, and he’s had a lot of sexual partners 

and you would be lying if you said it didn’t bother you

because it does

a lot 

that’s why JJ doesn’t really bring it up

FAVORITE POSITION (this goes without saying tbh)

any position he gets to fuck you is his favorite position

JJ always says “there’s way too many to pick just one!”  

a personal favorite of yours is when you get to ride him

JJ is always takes the lead when it comes to sex 

so he’s always watching you come undone

and when you ride him you get to see him come undone

and boy is it a beautiful sight

head tossed back against the bed

eyes squeezed shut

little whimpers escaping his clenched teeth

his hands holding your hips tightly to still control the pace

even when you top, JJ needs to be in control somehow

you can’t help but whine whenever you see his bottom lip pulled between his teeth

it truly is an honor to watch JJ cum

GOOFY (is he more serious in the moment? more humorous? etc)

he is both evenly 

most of the time, JJ is goofy 

he hardly even takes day to day life seriously

so most of the time JJ is cracking jokes and trying to make you laugh

and he spends a decent amount of time trying to make you blush

but when JJ gets upset he’s an entirely different person in the bedroom

his jaw is always locked, and his gaze is dark and lustful 

he doesn’t crack any jokes, and doesn’t goof around

if someone made a move on you then JJ is usually pretty pissed off during sex

sometimes he’s gotta remind you who you belong to

HAIR (how well groomed is he? does the carpet match the drapes?)

trimmed a little but honestly JJ isn’t too concerned about it

you don’t care if he upkeeps his pubes or not so neither does he

he does if the bush gets to crazy but other than that he leaves it alone

they’re a shade darker then his hair

so like a dark dark blonde

INTIMACY (how is he during the moment? is he romantic?)

unless he’s angry, JJ is very intimate during sex

before JJ started dating you, he had sex just to get off

he had sex with girls because it felt good

there was no closeness in it, no intimacy

but with you sex is very intimate

it’s never about just getting off

every time he has sex with you 

even when he’s angry and pounding into you 

he’s showing you how much he loves you in the only way he knows best

while it’s true that JJ had a lot of sexual partners before you, none of them really showed JJ what sex could be like

that it could be so fucking good 

because with them it felt good, but nowhere near as good as it feels to have sex with someone you love

JACK OFF (masturbation headcanon)

JJ jacks off a lot more then he used to

because when you’re not in the mood, or if you’re busy then he has to find some way to relieve himself

before you JJ would hit up every one of his booty calls until one of them agreed to come over

but he would never cheat on you so if you turn down sex, JJ waits 

and while he waits he jerks off to satiate him until you’re ready

and he never rushes you because he’s not an asshole

he waits patiently because this sweet boy loves you very much

KINK (one or more of his kinks)

he hasn’t outwardly admitted it but you think JJ has a secret daddy kink

he loves when you do exactly what he says

he loves being in total control

he loves the trust that comes with it, when you physically show him that you trust him enough to do whatever he says without question

it’s comforting to know you trust him not to hurt you

he calls you little girl during sex a lot

which you love

“gonna cum for me little girl?” 

“yes daddy please,” 

it accidentally slipped out. really you didn’t mean to say it

but as soon as you did, JJ groaned softly

and his pace quickened a little

you could tell that he liked that

so you decided to “accidentally” say it more often

LOCATION (favorite places to do the deed)

JJ is a borderline exhibitionist 

he likes the thrill of almost getting caught

but most of the places he chooses to rail you are places that couldn’t be come across accidentally 

JJ can’t bring himself to risk someone else seeing you naked

or worse 

getting fucked

if some other guy saw that beautiful fucked out look on your face when JJ’s driving his cock into you

he’d probably beat the guy to death

so JJ gets his “fucking in public” fix in restrooms or other places with lockable doors

he’d never fuck you out in the open

MOTIVATION (what turns him on?)

e v e r y t h i n g

JJ is horny 92% of the day so anything you do is bound to turn him on

bending over? JJ is popping a boner

your shirt lifts to reveal your midriff? JJ is 100% popping a boner

stripping down to your bikini to get in the water? he’s rock solid before you even get your shorts off

and then he’s looking around to make sure nobody else is watching you strip

there was one time he caught Pope looking when you were getting ready to get in the water and JJ might have punched him

he pulled the punch though, so it didn’t even really leave a bruise

it hurt enough for Pope to never make that mistake again

he literally closes his eyes until he hears you get into the water now, Pope won’t even risk glancing in your direction 

he’s afraid of receiving JJ’s wrath if he’s caught looking again

NO (something he wouldn’t do, his turn offs)

anything that would cause you a lot of pain

he’s comfortable with inflicting you with a little bit of pain like spanking

but anything worse than that and JJ is out

once as a joke you asked JJ if you guys could try ‘blood play’ and JJ freaked out

“I would have to cut you Y/N, no fuckin’ way.” 

“I was just kidding baby.” 

JJ would prefer to make sex exciting in other ways

ways that can’t hurt you

like blindfolding you

using ice or feathers as stimulation

g e n t l e choking 

very gentle

JJ can’t hurt you, he physically won’t feel any joy from it

his dad has hurt him so much that JJ doesn’t like hurting anybody that doesn’t really deserve it

like Rafe, he definitely deserves it

ORAL (preference on giving or receiving, skill, etc)

JJ hates being that stereotypical guy but he really loves when you give him a blow job

you’re just so fucking good at it

when you wrap your lips around him, it literally takes his breath away

when you use your tongue on the underside, JJ feels his insides begin to squirm around

plus he doesn’t mind receiving more than giving too much because he knows how much you love sucking him off

sometimes you beg him to let you suck him off

and of course, JJ always says yes

you’re fucking hungry for his cock, and if you had it your way it would always be in your mouth

but just because JJ likes receiving more than giving doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to go down on you

because JJ is phenomenal at eating you out

some of the most mind blowing orgasms you’ve ever had have been with JJ’s head in between your legs

boy knows what he’s doing in that regard, he just doesn’t do it very often

which doesn’t bother you because he will happily do it if you ask him to

PACE (is he fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc)

depends on his mood, like all things

if he’s in a good mood, his pace is pretty moderate

not too fast but not too slow

if he’s in a really lovey dovey mood then his pace is slow and passionate

long and deep strokes to make sure you feel every inch

if he’s pissed off or jealous then his pace is quick and brutal

harsh snaps of his hips against yours and definite bruises on your hips from him holding you so hard

he always feels bad about the bruises

but you always reassure him and insist you love the bruises

which you do

QUICKIE (his opinions on quickies, how often, etc)

quickies are a pretty normal thing for you two

it’s quickies more often then anything else

a quick fuck in the Chateau’s bathroom before any of the pogues notice you’re gone

quickies in your room when you sneak away from the party because JJ took off his shirt and you decided you desperately needed his cock

it’s rare that you two get to take your time 

but when you can take your time, its some of the best sex you guys have

like it’s so good that it’s worth waiting for

but you’re not complaining too much because any sex you have with JJ is going to be amazing

RISK (is he okay with experimenting? does he take risks?)

yeah he’s okay with moderate risk

if it’s something that could get you in serious trouble then he absolutely won’t do it

if it puts you in a situation 

if it’s something that could hurt you or cause you pain then no he won’t risk it

he cares about your needs and your safety way more than his own

JJ doesn’t care if he gets in trouble and he doesn’t care if he gets hurt

his pain tolerance is really high so he almost never notices if he gets hurt during sex

like if you claw at his back too much and he’s bleeding

actually he loves it when you claw at him, and he loves it even more if you make him bleed

you usually end up looking out for him in the same way he looks out for you

you won’t let him do anything that could end up hurting him

STAMINA (how many rounds can he go for? how long does he last?)

JJ can go for 2-3 rounds before his dick physically will not get hard again

if he had it his way he’d fuck you all night, but he can’t 

which annoys him

boy can fuck you at Earth shattering speeds and hardly break a sweat

he’s got the energy of a hyperactive child when it comes to sex

sadistically that’s one of your favorite things about JJ, that he can fuck you for long periods of time without tiring

it makes sex exciting

TOYS (does he own toys? how much does he use them? on you or him?)

JJ definitely doesn’t own any toys but you do

and when he discovered this, he immediately brought it into your sex life

he loves watching you cum on a vibrator

he has a remote control one that he uses a lot so he can sit at the end of the bed and watch you cum without even touching you

he also got a small one that you sometimes use when other people are around

and JJ will randomly turn it on when you’re having dinner at Kiara’s 

and you can’t make any sound or act weird 

you always see that little smirk on JJ’s face from across the table when he sees you’re close

and he never lets you cum

UNFAIR (how much he likes to tease)

big tease energy

there was one night he was so frustrated that he teased you to tears 

he edged you so much that one thrust and you were cumming around his cock

he’s a tease in day to day life and in the bedroom go figures

but when JJ is trying to show you how much he loves you he never teases

he worships your body and will give you orgasm after orgasm until you’re a shuddering mess

VOLUME (how loud is he? what kinds of sounds he makes, etc)

JJ mostly just groans and swears under his breath

he says he doesn’t want to drown out all of your beautiful sounds with his own moaning

but your favorite is when JJ growls softly in your ear, or when he sucks a harsh breath in through his teeth when you clench around him

you’re the noisy one in bed 

and that’s the way JJ likes it

WILD CARD (random headcanon)

when you first started dating, JJ was actually really evasive about how many partners he’s had before you

he would get really quiet whenever you asked him and would never directly answer the question

until you cornered him in the Chateau, demanding to know how many people he’d been with 

“4...” his voice was soft, and he wouldn’t lift his eyes to meet yours

that was more then you were expecting, but you couldn’t be mad at him

he was single then and had completely cut off every girl he’d ever had sex with the second you two started dating

so you immediately forgave him which was a huge relief for him

X-RAY (let’s see what’s going on under the belt)

JJ is packing

a good 8 inches when he’s fully hard 

and he’s decently thick too

his cock reaches places inside you that make your toes curl 

JJ has never really described himself as someone with a big dick, but once he saw your eyes widen when he first had sex with you

he thought maybe he might be bigger than average

which you love

there’s always a delicious stretch when he first enters you

YEARNING (how high is his sex drive?)

JJ is down to have sex whenever 

he loves having sex with you and has a stupidly high sex drive

he needs sex at least twice a week or he’s going to be grumpy 

so it was sort of an adjustment when he first started dating you

because it was at least a month until he took your virginity

so he was pretty grouchy for that month that he wasn’t having sex

he didn’t mind though because he was dating you and that’s way better than sex

ZZZ (how quickly does he fall asleep afterwards?)

JJ doesn’t fall asleep too quickly after sex

but since he does most of the work during sex, he’s usually pretty tired

but when he lays down with you, he will spend a few minutes talking to you before he falls asleep

he can last a good 10-15 minutes before he’s too tired to keep his eyes open

so you curl into his chest and fall asleep in his arms

heaven :)

[biaswreckingfics]

Transcendent

Pairing: Kang Yeosang x Reader

Genre: Soulmate!AU, Angst, Fluffy ending

Word Count: 9.5k

Summary: You are born with the first words you ever hear your soulmate say permanently marked on your arm, but what happens when your soulmate turns out to be your best friend’s boyfriend and neither of them are willing to end the relationship? Find out in Transcendent.

Soulmates.

The concept of soulmates was kind of funny to you.

The idea that there was one person out there for everyone on a planet filled with billions of people, and you were somehow supposed to find them during a short human lifespan, was wild.

Of course, some people believed in fate and thought that the universe would pull the two souls in the right direction so they could find each other. You didn't know if you believed in that, but something was out there making it happen because you had seen soulmates finding each other with your own eyes.

It was a weird sight to witness. They would be standing there talking to someone or quietly walking by themselves when they would just stop like they were frozen in time. A slow turn would come to reveal their other half and the change that overcame the two individuals was undeniable.

It was ineffable.

There wasn't a physical change that you could see with your eyes, but something shifts within each person, and you always wondered what that was like.

You had always wondered what it would be like to find the one who was meant for you. The one who would be your other half. You didn't want to be one of those people who gushed over their soulmates and constantly talked about the day you would meet them, but your friends knew how badly you wanted to meet your soulmate.

They would catch you running your fingers over the light tattoo on your inner forearm that everyone was born with in curiosity, but you didn't want to make too much of a big deal about it. They knew a part of you yearned to meet the person who would understand you like no one else, and they all wanted that for you.

That didn't mean all of your friends were on the same page as you. Sure, there were some who were, but others wanted to live in the "now", and of course, you didn't blame them.

Nobody knew when they would meet their soulmate, and you understood them wanting to find happiness with another partner in the present, instead of waiting for the future. You had also dated around here and there, but it had never felt right to you. It always felt bland and less colorful than you had hoped.

Your best friend was one of those people who wanted to live in the "now". The ones who hopped into relationships knowing their soulmate was out there probably searching for them without a care.

She had been in five different relationships over the years that you would consider to be somewhat serious, but you were always the first to know and she would share every little nauseating detail with you. That's why you were shocked when she called you to gush about her new boyfriend of a month.

How had she managed to go an entire month without telling you about this mysterious man she was falling for? Where did she even meet him, and why did she wait so long to tell you about it?

"I know he's not my soulmate, Y/N, but he's... perfect."

You quietly sit there and take in Mijung's words in slight disbelief. The two of you have been best friends for well over a decade, and you knew that while Mijung liked to jump into new things, she tended to get over them relatively quickly. It was stunning how much she seemed to be into this guy.

"How come I'm just now hearing about him?" You ask curiously.

Mijung is silent for a good minute and you wonder if she even plans on answering you. "I knew you wouldn't completely agree with our relationship... especially when I tell you how different this one seems..."

The seriousness of her tone catches you off guard. You have never heard Mijung this serious about a guy, and you had to admit, a small part of you was starting to get worried. If they cared about each other this much already... What will they do when they meet their soulmates?

"What's different about this one?"

Mijung takes a deep breath like she's preparing to launch into all the reasons he's so much better than the rest. "At first, we were just having fun. Nothing too serious because we knew we weren't each other's soulmates... but then it just naturally grew into something more. Maybe it's all in my head, but I feel some type of pull towards him, and I know it's quick, but I love him."

Your mouth drops open in shock at her admission, but before you can fully process what she's telling you, she continues to drop another bomb on you.

"What if there has been some type of mistake? What if we were supposed to be soulmates instead?"

You pull your phone away from your ear to check that you are really talking to your best friend. When you do in fact see her contact ID, you bring it back to your ear in confusion. You've never heard your friend talk like this. Ever.

"Mijung... That's never happened before. You know there are no mistakes when it comes to the soulmate tattoo."

"I know, but - "

"Mijung." You unapologetically cut her off.

She sighs loudly in your ear before relenting. "I know... I know the tattoo is never wrong, and I know we're not soulmates... I just wish we were."

"What are you going to do when one of you finds your soulmate?"

Her silence on the other end lets you know you're not going to like whatever she has to say. Whenever Mijung is silent, you know it's because she doesn't want to admit something to you.

"We want to be together. No matter what." She finally says with determination. "If one of us happens to find our soulmate... It's not going to change anything."

You blink a few times, taking in what she's telling you. Now it all made sense why she was hesitant to say anything. She knew you wouldn't agree with ignoring your soulmate when you found them. That wasn't how society worked.

Everyone waits for the day they meet their soulmate. The day colors seem more vibrant and sounds seem more celestial. The day everything in your world clicks into place... and they were just willing to ignore it? To let both of their soulmates go on without them because they thought they wanted to be together instead?

"So, you're just going to say, 'screw your soulmates'?"

She sighs heavily. "Look, I know you're excited to meet your soulmate, but I'm happy with Yeosang. We're happy, and we want to stay together."

When you stay silent, she lets out yet another sigh. "Please, don't be mad at me..."

"I'm not mad at you. You're both grown adults and you can do whatever you want. I don't agree with it, but I can't do anything to stop it, either, so..." You trail off, not sure what else to say at this point.

"Fair enough... but... how would you feel about meeting him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Please, Y/N." Mijung pleads. "I really want the two of you to meet! I know you'll both get along really, really well."

The excitement and happiness in her voice makes you feel slightly guilty for mentally shitting on their relationship.  If your best friend was happy... that was really all you could ask for.

As you agree to meet him, your eyes fall to the tattoo on your forearm. The words that you knew by heart staring back at you in a slightly lighter shade than your skin tone.

Once you hang up with Mijung, you lightly run your fingers over the words like you've been itching to do ever since you started talking about soulmates. The familiar phrase bringing a small smile to your face like it always does.

“It's freaking gray, you dolt.”

You had always wondered what type of conversation spurs those words on, and a twinge of excitement fills you when you think about the day you'll actually find out. The day you'll finally hear the first words of your soulmate.

You try not to get too lost in your imagination, and honestly, it's pretty easy to pull yourself out of it when you think about what Mijung had told you. Would the couple really say, "screw their soulmates" and stay together? Well... you guess you were just going to have to wait and see. Hopefully, for the sake of their soulmates... you never find out.

A few days later, Mijung is hosting a small get-together so her and Yeosang's friends could meet, and so you could finally meet the mystery man himself. She swore only a few people would be there besides you. Thankfully, your other best friend Yunho was going to be there, which was going to help calm your nerves and make you feel less anxious. Especially since Mijung warned you that Yeosang's friends could be a handful.

As soon as you woke up this morning, something felt different. You couldn't place your finger on it, but you knew, without a doubt, something was going to happen today. You just hoped it was something good.

With that in mind, you decide to dress up a little nicer today instead of your normal hoodie and yoga pants. You put on a cozy beige sweater and a pair of flattering skinny jeans that tucked into your brown booties perfectly. You spruced your hair up just enough that it looked like you actually attempted to make it look nice, but not enough that you looked like you were trying too hard. Adding a dainty gold necklace to complete the look, you were satisfied with what you saw in the mirror and quickly headed over to Mijung's.

Once you walk into her apartment, without feeling the need to knock since you were there almost as much as you were at home, you can hear booming laughter coming from the kitchen. You quietly close the door and take a moment to gather yourself before entering what already sounded like chaos.

The first person you spot when you round the corner is your tall, brown-haired, best friend Yunho. He notices you at almost the same exact moment and his eyes immediately light up while a giant smile grows on his face.

"Y/N!"

He strides over to you in two steps thanks to his long legs and pulls you into a tight hug. You welcome the hug from the giant puppy and feel some of your anxiety immediately disappear. If there was one thing Yunho was good at, it was making you feel safe and comforted.

"Hey, Yunho."

"Well... I don't have Yunho's name on my arm." You hear someone sigh from behind him.

A muttered “me either” has you pulling away from your friend and peeking around him. He moves out of the way and turns toward the two strangers in the kitchen with him.

Your eyes immediately fall on two ridiculously attractive black-haired males. One with full lips and a more hawkish nose and the other with small eyes and sharp cheekbones. When the latter smiles, two dimples appear on his cheeks, making him look younger than he did two seconds ago.

"Y/N, this is Wooyoung and San, Yeosang's friends." Yunho introduces you.

"Hi, I'm not your soulmate." The one who Yunho gestured was Wooyoung says.

The other one, San, side-eyes his friend before coming over to you and shaking your hand. "I'm also not your soulmate, but I'll at least be nice about it. My name is San."

"What did I say that was mean?" Wooyoung loudly asks.

As the two discuss what would and wouldn't be considered rude for a greeting at top volume, you glance over at Yunho in question. He nods his head, answering your unasked question.

"They've been like this since I got here."

Before you can respond, you hear Mijung ask the two bickering boys, "Why are you two like this?"

She enters the kitchen with the question and looks over at Yunho in exasperation. When she notices you, she lets out a high-pitched squeal that causes the two dark-haired boys to fall silent.

"You're here!" She happily says while bouncing over to give you a quick hug. "Let me go grab Yeosang real quick, so you can finally meet him!"

As she rushes out of the kitchen, you turn to Yunho and say, "She says so I can finally meet him like I didn't just learn of his existence a few days ago."

Yunho nods in agreement. "She just told me a week ago too."

Your head snaps up to the taller man in disbelief. "She told you first?"

A sheepish expression crosses his face as you mull over his words. You temporarily forget the other two are even there until San gets your attention.

"Yeosang's really nice. You'll like him. Though, he is pretty quiet sometimes, so you might have to pull the conversation out of him."

Wooyoung nods along, adding, "Don't let him fool you, either. He's a savage and will attack when you least expect it."

You hum in thought. Mijung was quite talkative, so you were sure the two balanced each other out in that way.

"Have you guys known him long?" Yunho asks.

"He's been my best friend for years. I probably know him better than anyone else." Wooyoung proudly tells the two of you.

You couldn't help but ask their opinions on your friend's apparent whirlwind romance. "What do you think about their relationship?"

Wooyoung shrugs his shoulders. "If they haven't found their soulmates yet, who cares?"

San glances at the wall across from him for a couple seconds before his eyes come back to you. "I don't think it's right. Especially when they say they're going to stay together regardless of what happens."

Yunho's eyebrows furrow and you figure this is the first he's hearing about this. Before you can ask him what he thinks, Wooyoung scoffs, pulling your attention back to him.

"No one can ignore the soulmate bond. It's over for them as soon as they meet their other half."

The sound of voices coming down the hallway instantly catches your attention. You easily identify Mijung's voice, but the other voice is too deep for you to understand right away.

For some reason, you tense up, but you don't notice until Yunho gives you a weird look. That's also when you notice that you're suddenly holding your breath for some reason. What was wrong with you?

"Are you colorblind, Yeosang? That's blue." You hear Mijung argue.

The most beautiful laugh you’ve ever heard follows her words before you hear a deep voice that shakes you to your core.

"It's freaking gray, you dolt."

At that moment, your world stops. The sounds around you momentarily muffle before suddenly snapping back with a clarity. Their footsteps approaching you become louder and louder with each thud, and a sudden rightness settles into your bones as they get closer. Happiness floods you because you know, without a doubt, you just found your soulmate. Your other half. The person you'll have a connection with that transcends everything.

You feel Yunho bump into your arm and you look over at him in a daze, causing concern to grow on his face. His expression triggers something in your brain, and you're suddenly pulled from the moment when you realize what this means. You found your soulmate... and he was already claiming he never wanted to meet you. He didn't want to start a relationship with you because he wanted to continue being with your best friend, who was apparently in love with him.

With each step that comes closer to you, it gets harder to breathe. It feels like a hand is squeezing tighter and tighter around your throat, and your foggy brain beings to realize that you're panicking.

You had to get out of here. Now. You couldn't meet Yeosang because the second you spoke; the truth would be revealed. Not only would your best friend be devastated, but you would be outright rejected in front of everyone.

Your eyes flash back over to Yunho, who is quietly saying your name and asking if you are alright.

"I need to go."

Confusion flashes in Yunho's eyes. "What?"

"I have to leave." You repeat as you back away from him.

Even you can hear that your words sound desperate, and Yeosang's friends look over at you in confusion. You continue to back away from the three men who are watching you with either concern or like you were crazy.

A strong feeling tells you that Mijung and Yeosang are going to round the corner any second, so you turn and book it for her front door without a backward glance. You run away from her apartment like your life depends on it, and you don't stop until you're in the safety of your own.

Once you shut your apartment door, you lean back against it and try to take deep breaths to get some air back into your lungs. You thank everything in the universe that Mijung only lives five minutes away from you because you wouldn't have been able to go much farther.

You take a few more deep breaths to try to calm down, but you can feel yourself shaking. You don't know if you are shaking from adrenaline, shock, or fear, but you were sure it was a culmination of the three.

You had just found your soulmate. The only person in the world who is meant for you, but he is your best friend's boyfriend and she is apparently in love with him. Not to mention, he is willing to screw you over to be with her.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and pull it out. You stare at your phone as you see Mijung's contact name blaring at you. There was no way you could talk to her right now. You didn't even know what the hell you would say to her in the first place. "Oh, hi.  I'm sorry for just running out like that. By the way, your boyfriend is my soulmate. Isn't that crazy?" Yeah, right.

You hold your phone in your hand until it goes to voicemail and the tiniest sense of relief fills you. You unlock your phone with a sigh and see several missed calls from Mijung and a couple from Yunho… How would you explain any of this to her?

You toss your phone toward your couch and your eyes catch a glimpse of your soulmate mark. The words you had heard Yeosang say not even half an hour ago. The words you were once so excited to hear, but now cause your heart to stutter in panic.

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Over the next couple of weeks, Mijung tries a countless number of times to get you and Yeosang to meet, and every single time you came up with an excuse or a way to get out of it, just like the night you had found out he was your soulmate.

Once you had finally returned her multiple missed calls, you came up with the excuse that you had suddenly felt very nauseous and needed to leave. She thought it was a little odd but didn't question it too much.

That excuse could only work so many times, though, so you came up with many others like you had to work or your parents needed you for something, but you knew Mijung was suspicious of why you suddenly never had time. You knew your window of time was closing, and you would have to meet him eventually.

You wished you could say a part of you was surprised when Mijung ended up calling you out, but you knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Mijung wasn't the type of person to accept "no" as an answer, and certainly not as many times as you have said it. You were slightly surprised you got away with it as long as you had.

"I know you're avoiding meeting him, Y/N," she tells you through the phone. "So, you can stop giving me all of these excuses."

You can hear the irritation in her voice, and while a part of you feels bad, the other part of you doesn't. This wouldn't even be happening right now if her and Yeosang weren't being selfish and stubborn.

She sighs in your ear. "Is it because you don't agree that we should be together?"

"They're not excuses, Mijung," you lie through your teeth. "I've just been busy lately."

Her silence lets you immediately know she's not believing a word you say.

"Look, it's not like he's even met his stupid soulmate yet, anyway, so why does it bother you so much?"

Even though she didn't know it, her words were like a slap to the face, and you sat there in disbelief that your friend was behaving this way. You mentally scoff. His stupid soulmate was also her stupid best friend.

You take a deep breath before mumbling that you have to go and hang up the phone.

You knew you had two options. You could meet him and let the truth come out and bask in the awkwardness that will inevitably ensue... or you could stay away and willingly lose the friendship you had with Mijung.

You knew your friendship with Mijung was going to take a hit either way. She would either be hurt by the truth or she'd never forgive you for continuously avoiding meeting the person she was "in love with".

Both options had pros and cons, and there were things you needed to consider before you decided what you were going to do. If you decided to go and meet Yeosang, you would finally get to know what your soulmate looked like. You would finally know if he was short or tall, a manly man or a pretty boy, but you would also be rejected by the one person on this planet who was supposed to want to be with you.

The pro to the second option was avoiding hurting your friend while also avoiding the rejection they apparently were going to give you, but it also meant that you were willingly giving up your soulmate and your decade-long friendship with Mijung.

Neither option sounded appealing to you, and a part of you hated both of them for making you have to decide between a rock and a hard place. You didn��t want to give up your soulmate. You’ve been waiting for him nearly your entire life, but him wanting to ignore the bond was forcing you to make that decision anyway, and since rejection hurts a hell of a lot more than curiosity, you choose the latter.

---------------------------------------

For the next few weeks, you spend most of your time with either Yunho or by yourself. Once Mijung realized you were doing your best to never meet Yeosang, she obviously grew upset. In her eyes, you were mad about what her and Yeosang were doing, and you never bothered to correct her. It would be far worse for her to find out he was your soulmate than for her to think you thought they were being stupid. Which they were so it wasn't like she was far off.

After the first week, she had thankfully given up on trying to get the two of you to meet and has spent the last couple of weeks avoiding you like you were her. Of course, it hurt. It hurt to treat your close friend like this and to have her treat you like this, but it hurt more knowing that your soulmate was so close to you, yet so far away. You could live with losing Mijung’s friendship, but you weren’t sure you could continue ignoring your soulmate and letting him keep living in their lie. However, besides blowing up their relationship, there was nothing you could do.

Unfortunately, it was all going to come to a head, and quicker than you would've liked.

It was like the universe was determined to make you and your soulmate meet. If it hadn't been Mijung trying to consistently get you to meet Yeosang, it was Yunho begging you to hang out with the three of them, so he wasn't third-wheeling. If it wasn't that, it was apparently the three of you running into each other on the street, and this time, there was no escaping the inevitable.

You had been searching for a birthday present for Yunho when you decided that you needed a coffee, or you were going to collapse on the sidewalk.

Although you may have been dramatic with that statement, something inside of you did start to feel weird, but you couldn't place it. Something... something was going to happen, and soon.

You push the feeling to the side as you approach the entrance of the coffee shop. Once you got your dose of caffeine, you would figure out what this feeling was, but you had zero hopes of doing it right now.

As you go to reach for the handle, the door of the coffee shop pushes open toward you, and you quickly back away to avoid impact.

"Oh my god. I'm so sor... Y/N?"

Your body freezes once you place the voice, and your eyes slowly trail up and meet Mijung's. You open your mouth to say something, but quickly snap it shut once you take in the quiet presence next to her.

Your body and mind scream at you to look at the person next to her. To look at the man you had no doubt was Yeosang, and you try to fight it, but quickly realize there's no hope in fighting the inevitable. Slowly, you look over to the right and try to stop the gasp that leaves you.

Standing before you was a prince. There was no other way to describe him. He was ethereal, otherworldly. His skin was perfection. There wasn't a mark on it besides what looked to be a birthmark near his left eye that made him no less attractive. In fact, it added an allure to him that intrigued you beyond words. His pouty lips complimented his round cheeks in a way that made him seem softer, more delicate.

You meet his brown eyes as they stare at you curiously before you notice his brow furrow in confusion. A weird look crosses his face and that's when you know he can feel the pull because you can feel it too. It was like every fiber of your being wanted you closer to him, wanted you to unite with him.

You shake your head when you hear an "excuse me" and realize the three of you are still blocking the entrance to the coffee shop. You move away and back onto the sidewalk and the couple follows you, much to your dismay. You take in the look on Mijung's face and mentally prepare yourself for what was to come. She knew this was the perfect opportunity for the two of you to finally meet.

"Y/N! I'm so glad we ran into you. I've been dying for you to meet Yeosang!" She says with a spark in her eyes that you can't interpret.

You glance over at him and he offers you a tight-lipped smile. "Hello."

Your eyes fall closed at this voice. It was deliciously deep and may be the most calming thing you've ever heard.

When you realize what you're doing, you snap your eyes open and offer him a small smile and nod. You were determined to not say anything. The last thing you wanted was to cause a scene in the middle of freaking town.

Mijung notices your lack of voice and you can see her frustration build, but you had to remind yourself that you were doing this for her. For both of you. The more you were in Yeosang's presence, though, the less you cared about their relationship.

Why were you so willing to let your soulmate go? Why didn't you deserve a little happiness for once?

Before Mijung can call you out on your behavior, the door to the coffee shop flies open and a group of teens come out, snagging your attention for a moment. You notice the one who opened the door with his back continue to walk backward, but you think nothing of it until he slams right into you.

He spins around in surprise at the collision and spills his warm coffee right onto you. You hear Mijung and Yeosang gasp, while you hiss in shock, expecting his coffee to be hot, but relax when you realize it's more lukewarm than anything. Thank god, because getting burned was not on your list of things to do today.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" The teenage boy panics.

He grabs napkins from his friend’s hand and begins wiping at the sleeve of your shirt. You look down at what he's doing and see a growing brown stain covering your sleeve. You appreciate his effort, but it's way too late to save it.

"I'm so sorry for ruining your shirt! I'll buy you a new one, I promise!" The boy shouts, still in full panic mode.

You grab his hands in an effort to calm him down, and to stop him from pulling at your shirt some more. You look him directly in the eyes and give him a small smile.

"It's an old shirt, anyway... and I'm okay, really."

"Are you sure? I'm so sorry..."

"Yes. I'm fine. It's not a big deal," you softly tell him.

The teenage boy looks at you like he's not sure if he should believe you before slowly nodding his head.

"I'm really sorry... again..." He tells you as he backs away from you. Realizing that's what got him into trouble the first time, he whips around and hurries after his friends.

You watch him go for a minute and sigh as you feel the liquid on your shirt become cold. Great. Now you were gonna have to... Your mind trails off as you begin to remember what was going on before the coffee incident. Shit...

You slowly turn to look at the couple next to you. Taking a deep breath, your eyes meet Yeosang's shocked ones as he searches your face in wonder.

"You're my soulmate..."

"Yeah..." you softly say.

A noise comes from next to you that snags both of your attention. You look over at Mijung, who was completely frozen beside Yeosang. Heartbreak and pain are clearly etched on her features as she takes in what's happening.

Yeosang looks between the two of you, confusion and sadness crossing his face as he tries to figure out what to do. You remember what Mijung had said when she was telling you about Yeosang. How he apparently didn't care if he found his soulmate and that he wanted to be with her.

A part of you wondered if that would change now that he met you. The soulmate bond was intense and everything in you wanted, needed, to be near Yeosang. Would he really try to ignore the soulmate bond? Did he still want to?

"You're his... That's why you've been ignoring me..."

"Mijung... I'm so sorry..."

"Are you?" She roughly asks while her eyes flash with anger. "You thought we were stupid for ignoring the soulmate bond. You probably think this is what I deserve, don't you?"

Your head jerks back like you've been slapped. "What the hell are you talking about? It's not like I planned this.

"Whatever," she spits before turning and nearly running the opposite way.

Yeosang continues to stand there for a moment, not knowing what to do. His eyes flit between you and Mijung's retreating figure. You see the longing in his gaze, but don't know who it's for.

His eyes fall close, and he takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, he looks back at you.

"I'm sorry..."

Your heart stutters at those words, and you know exactly why he's saying them. He was going after Mijung. He was going to stay with her.

It feels like your heart cracks as Yeosang turns away from you. With each step he takes, it feels like it gets harder to breathe. A part of you likes to think that his slow movements are because he's feeling everything that you do, but you have no way to know for sure. You silently stand there alone as you watch the one person who's supposed to love you walk away.

---------------------------------------

The next couple of weeks pass by in a blur. You fall into a boring, consistent routine of work and home. The only other time you bothered to leave the house was to see Yunho or get groceries.

Life felt like it lost its sparkle ever since your soulmate left you, and it was easy to find yourself staring off into space for long amounts of time. You, also, often found yourself feeling anxious and even a little bit twitchy. Your body knew something wasn't right, and it didn't know what to do about it.

The first week was the hardest. The rejection was still fresh and the knowledge that your soulmate and best friend were together when they knew the truth, was like a slice to the chest.

Avoiding them was easy because they avoided you just as much. It was like they were pretending what they found out didn't happen. They were continuing to live in their fantasy world.

When you got a phone call from Mijung the following week, you were surprised. You weren't ready to talk to her. You didn't want to hear her apologies or excuses, so you ignored it, and the dozens of calls after that. You couldn't really be mad at Mijung for fighting for what she wanted, but that didn't mean you were ready to face her and go back to being normal again.

Yunho respected your thoughts and feelings and didn't try to force you to forgive her, especially when he found out the real reason behind your actions, which you were thankful for. To say he was shocked that Yeosang was your soulmate was an understatement, and he was just as upset with Mijung’s actions as you were.

However, Yunho was always quicker to forgive people than you were. He went back to hanging out with Mijung and Yeosang fairly quickly, and when he asked if you had talked to your soulmate, you were confused. How would you have talked to him? Why would he want to talk to you?

That was the part that hurt the most. Yeosang knew who you were, and he didn't want to do anything about it. He wanted to live in the fantasy world he and Mijung had created, and as much as you wanted to pretend you were okay with it, you weren't.

What would even happen when he and Mijung broke up? Did he think he could come crawling back to you? Finally give his soulmate a chance? You didn't want to be a second choice for anyone, especially your soulmate. No fucking way.

Also, how could you be with someone who was in love with someone else? Your best friend at that? How could you be intimate with someone who had been intimate with your best friend? Who had chosen her? Could you compete with that? With what they had? Did you even want to?

Not to mention, how could the three of you ever be in the same room together? Whether Yeosang was with her or with you? The awkwardness, guilt, and pain the three of you would feel was something you wanted to physically crawl away and hide from.

You pull yourself away from the horrifying and self-deprecating thoughts that were trying to penetrate your mind and look down at your phone with a sigh. Before you could even finish the thought about Yunho being late, the tall man rushes into the coffee shop, his eyes searching for you. Once he spots you, he books it for your table with an apologetic smile.

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

You regard him like you're annoyed, but you really aren't. "I'll forgive you if you buy me a muffin."

"Consider it done," he says, smirking at your ploy to get free food.

You silently watch as he gets up to order himself a coffee and you an apology muffin.

Yunho had asked you to go get coffee with him today because he had something he wanted to talk about with you. You weren't stupid. You knew he wanted to talk to you about Mijung, and his sudden request for a coffee date instead of hanging out at one of your apartments like you usually did, clued you in on it. Especially, when you knew he had hung out with Mijung yesterday.

For the next 30 minutes, you're able to avoid the topics of Mijung, Yeosang, and soulmates all together, but you know Yunho isn't letting you leave this coffee shop until he talks about whatever he wants to talk about.

"They broke up."

You pause with your coffee halfway up to your mouth as you process his words. He takes your actions as an encouragement to continue.

"They tried to make it work for a couple days, but neither of them could move past what happened... That's why Mijung has been calling you."

You clear your throat and put your cup back on the table. What were you supposed to say? That sucks? You're sorry they didn't work out? Because you weren't. Actually... you didn't know what you were.

"I don't really... know what you want me to say?"

Yunho sighs, "Mijung feels really guilty. She knew that you wanted to be with your soulmate... and she knew she was in the way of that..."

"So, she broke up with him?"

Yunho shakes his head no. "It was mutual. She felt guilty and Yeosang... well, Yeosang felt the change. I guess when they say something clicks into place, they're right... Yeosang wants to be with you, or at least get to know you..."

He pauses to take in your reaction, but you offer him nothing. However, he does sigh when he sees your cautious gaze. "I'm not trying to tell you what you should do here, but... he's your soulmate, Y/N. I know you, and I know you're not going to avoid your soulmate for the rest of your life."

You pick your cup back up and bring it to your lips as you avoid Yunho's eyes. He was right. You wanted that soulmate bond, and now that Mijung was out of the way, you could have it, but it still didn't sit right with you.

Once the lukewarm liquid goes down your throat, you ask, "What do you think I should do?"

"Talk to them," Yunho says without hesitation.

You sigh, "I don't know if I'm quite ready to talk to Mijung... and I don't even know how to reach Yeosang."

Yunho tilts his head as an odd look crosses his face. "Yeosang says he's tried calling you quite a few times."

Your brows furrow in confusion before it clicks into place. You had been getting calls from a number you didn't recognize, but you kept ignoring them because you didn't answer calls from unknown numbers. It had been Yeosang calling you this whole time? Why wouldn’t he leave a voicemail or send a text when you continuously didn't answer?

You ponder over what to do the entire trip home. Should you call Yeosang? Wait until he calls you again? What are you going to do about Mijung? You had almost left your coffee date with Yunho with more questions than you originally had, and now you were more frustrated than ever.

You continue to process everything you had learned as you trek up to your apartment. They had tried to make it work... Tried to be together knowing who you were... Mijung knew how much you wanted to be with your soulmate, and Yeosang felt the same things you did when he figured out who you were, but Mijung...

Mijung was standing right in front of you.

You pause in the middle of the hallway and eye Mijung while she stands next to your apartment door. The thought of making a quick escape and avoiding her fleetingly crosses your mind, but the option is quickly taken from you when Mijung's eyes spot you.

"Hey..." She starts, taking a step toward you before stopping.

You take in her twiddling fingers and anxious gaze. She's nervous to talk to you. She's scared you're going to freak out on her or slam the door in her face.

You take a step toward her, and then another until you're outside of your apartment door. Mijung bites her lip as she watches you, but you ignore her and open your door. You don't take a step inside, though. Instead, you wave your hand into your apartment as an "after you" gesture.

Mijung takes the hint, but before she steps all the way into your apartment, she pauses and turns to you. When she throws her arms around you in an awkward hug, you freeze, not expecting it.

"I'm so sorry..."

You bring your hand up and awkwardly pat her back. "Let's get into the apartment before we talk. My neighbors are nosey, and I don't want them to know what's going on."

Mijung nods and pulls away from you. Once you're free from her limbs, you shut your apartment door and walk towards your couch, knowing Mijung will follow you.

When you're both sitting down, Mijung immediately turns to you and picks up from where she left off. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have tried to continue a relationship with him after finding out you are his soulmate. That was such a shitty thing to do. I know how excited you were to be with your soulmate... but I just loved him. I didn't want to give him up… I was being selfish."

You slowly take in her words. "Believe me... Nobody expected this to happen."

She gives you a sad smile and the two of you fall into silence. You're not surprised when she breaks it because you didn't have much to say at the moment.

"You should call him."

You snap your head to look over at her. "What?"

"Y/N, he's your soulmate. You should be with him," she tells you through misty eyes. "He's a good guy and he deserves to be happy, and you're the one person on this planet that will make him happy. That will complete him."

Surprise floods you at her words. "But what about you?"

She looks away and sighs. "I'll meet my soulmate one day... Who knows? It could even happen tomorrow. Life is odd like that."

You give Mijung a confused look and wonder who the heck this person next to you is. Mijung wasn't wistful like this. She wasn't one to dream about her soulmate.

She looks over and catches the expression on your face, which causes her to laugh. "I know. Who am I? ...Things were great with Yeosang, and if being with your soulmate is even better? Then I want that. For both of us."

"Yeosang wanted to be with you, though... He knew who I was, and he still left with you," you quietly admit part of your fears.

A guilty look crosses her face. "That was... my fault... He didn't want me to be upset, and I was so bound and determined to say, 'screw soulmates', I don't think he even knew what to do. That's why he followed me..."

She pauses like she's working up the nerve to admit to something, and when she finally does, a sick feeling grows in the pit of your stomach.

"Yeosang wasn't the one who wanted to ignore our soulmates... That was all me, and I kept trying to push him into wanting the same thing as I did, but I knew that was over the second he saw you... He stayed with me for those couple of days because I begged him to... but he was different. I think he tried to hide how he was really feeling from me, but it was obvious he didn't want to be there anymore. He was mentally checked out. Distracted, distant, and overall, just sad. When he sat me down to talk, I knew what it was about. He wanted to pursue something with you. He couldn't be with me anymore."

So many thoughts swirled through your head, you didn’t know which one to focus on.

This entire time, you were under the impression that Yeosang didn’t want to be with his soulmate. That he wanted to be with Mijung, and he didn’t care if he met his soulmate or not… but that was all Mijung? It was Mijung’s idea to ignore soulmates? Did he even say those things or was it all just Mijung’s wishful thinking?

Also, they were only together for a couple of days? She begged him to stay with her? A part of you was so mad at Mijung. That she purposely ruined this for you and convinced your soulmate to stay with her. How could she do this to you? To Yeosang?

Then again, another part of you was elated. Yeosang wants to be with you. He’s always wanted to be with his soulmate. He’s even tried contacting you multiple times. He hadn’t really rejected you…

“Yeosang wanted to be with his soulmate?” You ask for clarification. When she meekly nods, you continue. “It was you alone saying, ‘screw soulmates’?”

“Yes… and it was me who tried to continue the relationship afterward. Yeosang’s just too good of a guy to kick me to the curb.”

You hum in thought because what are you supposed to say? If you let your true thoughts and feelings out right now, you might end up smacking Mijung for pulling something so disgusting. For trying to keep soulmates from coming together when they’re two people she claims to “love”.

“Y/N… he’s your soulmate… He wants to be with you, not me, and he always has. Plus, there’s a reason the universe wants the two of you together… so you should call him and meet up.”

Your head was extra fuzzy now as Mijung suggests you call Yeosang again. She had just dumped a shit ton of information on you and it was a lot to process. You were gonna need a clear head before you talk to him about any of this.

While you are trying to work through your inner turmoil, you don’t notice Mijung reaching for your phone until it’s too late. You look up in confusion as she jumps up from your couch. Her head is down as she furiously types something on what you come to realize is your phone.

Before you can jump up and snatch it back, she drops it into your lap with a smile. “This is just the start of me trying to make up for what I did.”

You watch in complete confusion as she makes a beeline for your door before looking down at your phone to see what she did. When you see that the call screen is up and your phone is currently in the process of calling someone, you panic.

You recognize that number. You’ve had multiple missed calls from that number the past couple of weeks.

A deep voice answers the phone and suddenly you forget how to breathe.

“Hello?”

You open your mouth to say something, but absolutely nothing comes out. You can hear Yeosang’s soft breaths as he waits for you to say something, but you can’t make yourself do it.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes fall closed as he softly says your name. You had never heard it sound more beautiful than in that moment. It was almost like a caress. You force your eyes open and take a deep breath. You had to say something before he hung up.

“Hey, Yeosang…”

It’s quiet for a moment before you hear, “It’s really good to hear your voice…”

“Yours too…” You let out a soft laugh. “This is awkward, isn’t it?”

“Only if we let it be.”

The slight determination in his voice eases your anxiety. He was right. It was only going to be awkward if you made it that way. You take another breath.

“Would you like to meet up somewhere?”

“Yes,” he replies without hesitation, almost before you can finish asking.

You hold back the laugh that wants to come out and suggest meeting at a park close to the coffee shop that you met at. Once Yeosang agrees, you hang up and feel the butterflies in your stomach start to crawl up your throat.

You are really going to do it. You’re going to meet up with your soulmate, and this time you don’t have to worry about anyone else, but the two of you.

You look down at the clothes you wore on your coffee date with Yunho and immediately get up to change. You quickly throw on a pair of your softest blue jeans and an off-the-shoulder long sleeve shirt. It was a comfy, casual look, and you didn’t look like a slob so that was good. Plus, the only other time he’s seen you, you had coffee all over your shirt, so this was a vast improvement.

You run your fingers through your hair to make it seem a little more put together and throw on some Chapstick before running for the door. The two of you decided to meet up right away, so you only had a few minutes to make yourself presentable, and this would have to do.

As you walk up to the park, your anxiety doubles and you let your thoughts consume you. Was this gonna be awkward? What were you going to say? What was he going to say?

When you step onto the path that leads into the park, it’s almost like your body knows exactly where to go before your mind does. You find yourself making a beeline for the bench that sat next to a beautiful stone fountain, and when you get there, you’re not surprised to see Yeosang already there waiting. A part of you knew he would be.

When you step up next to the bench, Yeosang turns to look at the sound and shoots up from his seat when he sees you, his eyes lighting up in excitement. A shy smile graces his face and you know a matching one is present on yours.

“You made it.” He happily says as he gestures for you to sit on the bench.

“I invited you here… Of course, I was gonna make it.” You softly laugh as you take a seat.

“Right…” he bites his lip for a moment as he settles back into his spot, “but it’s just nice to see you again.”

His eyes scan you from head-to-toe like he’s taking you in for the first time, and maybe he is. Considering how hectic it was the first time you met.

You meet his gaze and, as stupid as it sounds, the world stops. For one moment, you don’t hear the rustle of the trees, you don’t see the splashing of the fountain, you don’t feel the cold stone you sit on, all there is, is Yeosang and you. Suddenly, it’s like everything clicks into place, and that rightness you felt before settles deep into your chest. This is where you’re supposed to be. This is your person for the rest of your existence.

“Do you feel that?” He quietly asks in awe.

You almost couldn’t speak. It was like words evaded your mind and ceased to exist, but you somehow grasp onto some and are able to form a coherent sentence.

“The connection…” you trail off, nodding. “I never thought it’d be like this…”

It consumed you, and you would be content never existing outside of this moment again… but all too quickly it was over. The trees rustled once more, the water continued to splash in the fountain, and the stone beneath you became solid again, but there was something new in the air. Something that wasn’t there before but would be there for the rest of your life.

Yeosang clears his throat and reaches for your hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. His hands are soft, and his touch is light, but he’s suddenly become your anchor, keeping you grounded and safe.

“I can’t believe I was stupid enough to ignore the soulmate bond for even a second…” He says, his eyes searching yours. “I’m so sorry…”

You immediately shake your head. “You don’t have to apologize. I ignored it too… even longer than you did…”

You feel so stupid for letting him slip through your fingers for all that time. For letting this moment continuously get pushed further away from you. You should’ve never run out of the kitchen that day… You should’ve let the cards deal how they were supposed to, instead of trying to fight fate.

“I do have to apologize for walking away from you. Mijung could’ve waited. You’re more important.”

“Well… We can only go forward from here… so let’s forget about the past.” Yeosang hums in agreement. “Although, I will say this wasn’t how I thought I’d find my soulmate.”

He lets out a deep laugh. “Yeah, I couldn’t have predicted this at all.”

You fall into a serene silence, processing everything happening in the moment until Yeosang breaks it.

“I was so excited to meet you… Mijung had already talked you up a lot, and then when my friends told me about you, I almost couldn’t wait any longer.”

You pause, remembering when you met his two friends at Mijung’s… and how odd you acted before you ran out… What kind of impression did you leave on them?

“What did your friends say about me?”

An awkward expression graces his beautiful face. “Well… Wooyoung thought you were kind of weird… but San said you were super nice and that he thought you’d be cool. Once we figured out why you apparently ran out of the kitchen like it was on fire, San made Wooyoung take back his weird comment, which, of course, ended up with the two of them bickering.”

You stifle a laugh and try to figure out what about the scenario made Yeosang excited to meet you. You didn’t sound like anything especially great, and nice was something you said when you didn’t know how to describe somebody. You don’t let it bother you, though. You did act weird, so there was no other impression they could’ve had, but you weren’t worried. You’d change their minds in the future.

“How come you didn’t leave me any voicemails or texts? I would’ve responded a lot sooner if I knew it was you…”

“And say what?” He asks with a wry smile. “I’m sorry for leaving you standing there on the sidewalk in a coffee-stained shirt, can you call me back?”

You shake your head at him and try to fight the smile that wanted to permanently be on your face. “I would’ve answered to that…”

Yeosang bites his lip before smiling and nodding. “I’ll remember that for the future.”

His words fill the air with an almost crackling intensity. The future… What would the future hold for the two of you? Yeosang must’ve felt it too, because he turns his whole body to face you, bringing his leg up on the bench so he’s not awkwardly twisted, but still managing to maintain his grip on your hand.

“I know…” he starts before looking down at your entwined hands and playing with your fingers. “I know it’s gonna be awkward with Mijung… but I want to be with my soulmate… I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and not waste any more time.”

He stops playing with your fingers and looks up to intently search your gaze. He was right. Things were going to be awkward with Mijung, but you didn’t care. He was your soulmate and you wanted to be with him as badly as he wanted to be with you. The rest of it you could figure out together…

Because you’ve found your soulmate. The one being on this planet meant for you. The one who will always understand you and be by your side until your last day… and maybe even beyond that…

Because he was yours and you were his…

“I’d love that.”

Tagging: @to-all-the-stories-i-love​, @skittlez-area512​, @wanderingatiny​

[vivithefolle]

Can I join your anti-Hermione club? Is there an application form? (In all seriousness, I'm so glad there's someone on Tumblr who is anti-Hermione for good reasons. It drives me absolutely insane how much the fandom worships her. I respect her intelligence, but there are so many absurdly unethical things she does. The hexing of Marietta Edgecombe - I researched it, it's both against contract law and would almost certainly be considered assault - was crazy, and even crazier was that it's excused.)

Hahaha, no application form needed, just a lot of bitterness and a touch of rage.

Something that really annoys me is how people are trying to tell me I'm doing Hermione-bashing when I give her the what-for. Or try to say "but she was a teenager :(". Really, freaking really? So when Hermione scars people on the face she's being a teenager but when Ron is pissy for a night in fourth year he's a total asshole? No, nope, not gonna let that lie.

My issue is that Ron's mistakes are teenager-sized; making an ass of yourself during a soirée, dating someone you're not really interested in because you're flattered by the attention, getting mad at your friend over silly stuff, saying stupid things without thinking... teenage mistakes. Those are teenage mistakes. (Something could be said of his leaving on the Horcrux Hunt but. Bitches. Voldemort himself (a part of him at least) was there singling him out for torture. Not to mention the heavy blood loss, the fact that his family's in danger, etcetera... But of course nobody is willing to accept those circumstances, nooo, it's only Ron who's the sole responsible for leaving absolutely, right, "Hermione is a teenager :(" and "Harry has PTSD :(((" but Ron isn't allowed to have problems of course. Fucking hypocrites.)

Meanwhile Hermione wakes up everyday and chooses violence and not for good reasons. I mean when your first reflex to distract someone is to set them on fire surely that indicates some issues? (Later on she forgets that she can use magic to light a fire... against a plant. I mean. How. How do you come to the conclusion that you should light a person on fire to "distract" them but cannot apply that reasoning to a goddamn killer plant.) The thing is people just... because we're constantly told that Hermione is intelligent/has good grades/works hard, people are quick to assume that she's obviously the most mature one in the room. But being a hard worker isn't necessarily a "proof" of maturity. It's just that people's expectations are that "a studious kid" is a mature kid, but really what they mean by "mature" is "doesn't annoy me to hell and back by playing noisily".

There’s this huge manipulation that plays on people’s expectations: being coded as “the studious girl” people are told through stereotypes that Hermione is smart, mature and logical… and the text is quick to try to reinforce the idea by having her spout definitions (=”smart”, for a degree of it; it’s mostly good memory), scold others for being rowdy (=mature, except that she’s not above it all either and a big part of maturity also involves REALIZING YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES which, Hermione’s don’t, so oops) and have her solve some puzzles or explain things (=logical… but sometimes her reasoning is based on emotion and she just tries to find evidence to justify why she thinks it’s right, rather than go from one thing to another).

When people try to brush off the fucked-up things Hermione did with "well she was a teenager" or "it was the war effort"... no. Fuck no. She didn't have to wipe her parents' minds and memories, there was the Order, the Dursleys were treated better than Hermione's parents for God's sake. But the only thing that matters about Hermione's parents is that they can be conveniently sacrificed to let us know how brave their daughter is right, it's not like she's in anything called the House of the Brave or something, it's not like she's constantly being thrown in mortal danger and is scared but keeps pushing forward, no we absolutely HAD to have a plot point that involves Hermione destroying two people's identities so we know how brave she is (how was any of it brave? Bravery is risking yourself, not the life of two innocents who barely know what's going on and are in no position to fight back).

And with the Romione fandom trying to push back to "nooo but she was a teenager m'kay she had her reasons for everything"... You want to get back to the Dark Ages where Hermione can do anything to Ron and it's his fault for not being perfect enough for her? Because that's how you go back to the Dark Ages.

In concept I love Romione. In the books I love it till about Book 3 (and even then that's pushing it because Hermione's utter disregard for Ron's pet sits very unwell with me, BUT okay fine she's still a child, it's her first pet, she has no idea how to own a pet and she's not used to being mindful of others' feelings. Then she gets validated by the plot because Scabbers was Pettigrew and somehow that means Hermione wasn't horribly callous to Ron's feelings or anything... meanwhile had it been Ron buying Crookshanks and Scabbers being Hermione's pet everyone would have been like "but who cares that Ron was right in the end, do you see how horribly he hurt poor Hermione's feelings!!!"...

It's just. No more excuses. Hermione is fucked-up. As a person, not just because of the war. She had a vicious, vindictive streak that only got enabled through the books because she never was called out on it. And I mean, I'm all for standing up for yourself, or for slapping Draco Malfoy's bitchy ass ferret face. But fuck. When you're doing the magic equivalent of an acid attack on someone's face, when you're physically abusing someone you're supposed to love AND THREATEN TO DO IT AGAIN AS IF IT WAS SOMETHING CUTE OR QUIRKY, when you're brainwashing your own parents into compliance because you can't be bothered to lie to them or make the Order get them... You know how many fics I've seen that take the "I did actually Confund my examiner" exchange from the Epilogue and run away with it to make it so Ron gets in a horrible car accident or invent entire collapses of the Statute of Secrecy as a result of an investigation connected to this "ha ha look it's funny Ron cheated on his exam" moment? Why don't I ever see a fic talking about how Hermione erasing her parents from existence leads to the destruction of Wizarding society through the legal bullshit that follows? Because Hermione dear, did you think to alter "Wendell" and "Monica"'s birth certificates? Their marriage contract? Their VISAs? Their bank accounts? Otherwise you've just turned your parents into homeless vagrants hopelessly lost in Australia who can't ever find a home anywhere because they simply don't exist in the eyes of any government. But hey nobody ever thinks of that because it's so much easier to nitpick everything Ron does. The only thing folks notice about Hermione nowaday is Emma Watson's boobies.

... I'm sorry, I just... Ugh. People.

[nctsplug02]

it’s fine to share it

“k” “m” “sc” are code names idk 😭

backstory: him and i are kinda like i wanna say friends/talking first but it was never something that i wanted to take serious and he knew that and somehow she ended up started messing around with him and i kinda pushed myself away from him after that.

so i posted something on my story and “m”who had been liking me for years responded to it and told me to gts then he asked ft and i told “m” i was with my cousins and he was like ok ( mind you we used to ft/txt every now and then) so she has my password to my account and she knows i change my password every few months she knows this she already had read the messages like she always read my messages which i don’t mind cause we always talk about it later (now here’s why i’m kinda pissed at her idk if it makes sense or not but yeah) i ain’t say nun to her when she was linking and otp with my exes i stayed quiet cause i thought it didn’t really bother me, yk like that’s my ex we broke up for a reason that’s probably why i thought i didn’t really care but this situation right here? that really had me like woowwww. 1. “m” has been trying to talk to me for YEARS and she know i really didn’t like him in that kind of way but kinda like we were still friends i probably would’ve gave him a chance but he’s friendly and talk to hella people 2. it’s MY account and I have the RIGHTS to CHANGE MY PASSWORD ANYTIME I WANT 3. if she wanted my password she could’ve asked for it back, but she got pissed off about it. again 4. she literally talked another boy i dated “k” even though he put me through hell (him and his friends created disgusting rumors about me a while back, he would like hit me n call me out my name which would cause fights and arguments between us luckily i was able to leave him) when we was together and i tried to not let it bother me cause it’s in the past but her going after another guy i was starting to talk to “sc” was outta pocket especially that’s why i stopped taking to “sc” when i found out she was talking to him i kinda distanced myself from him cause yk girl code and i really liked him too and the fact is i think that’s kinda fucked up that she would pull some bs like that and the sad part about it is that it took me too long to realize what was happening it was kinda like every time i went with sb she tried tt them like that ain’t right, i NEVER went after NOBODY she dated or talked to and never even thought about it cause i’m not like that, and the thing is after “sc” i kinda realized it but slowly stopped talking to her cause like i didn’t wanna make it seem like we wasn’t as close as we were before but now like instead of talking to me about what really happened she sent me a message i didn’t respond cause ngl that hurt so i just ignored it and now it’s like damn that’s how it is huh

sorry for any spelling mistakes

ou, how this story made me feel.

sad.

mad.

it’s your account, why does she want and need the password after doing shit. why does she act like she can’t just make her own account— i don’t know if she can or can’t. why would she even get mad at you for changing YOUR ACCOUNT PASSWORD??? like, baby. just make your own account at this point.

she is so fake, oh my god. the innocent acting after she went after the guys you liked???????

i personally, would not let that shit slide.

and the fact she talked to the guy who emotionally and physically ABUSED YOU????? FAKE ASS BITCH BRUH

anon, im sorry you went through this bs. she’s fake asf. i hope you DROPPED her. in many ways.

[dreamteamspace]

We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

[mrsamaroevans]

NOT A THIRD CHANCE | MIGUEL GALINDO

Fandom: Mayans M.C.

Pairing: Miguel Galindo x Female Reader.

Words: 3,844.

Warnings: Spoilers of season 3 of Mayans MC. English is not my first language, so, sorry if there are grammar mistakes or if the redaction is poor.

A/N: I always try to keep this short and I end up writing more than 3k words :c Sorry! *GIF NOT MINE*

|| MY MASTERLIST ||

You knew him so well that you knew when he was lying and when he was telling the truth.

You already suspected it for weeks. All those trips to Mexico... he had never made as many as in the past months, and, it came to a point where he didn't hide the reasons for his trips from you, he no longer hid anything that had to do with the cartel, why would he have started doing it again?

But when those pictures arrived… you hadn't realized until then that you were praying for your suspicions not to be true. But there were no longer any doubts. You already had the facts and although it broke your heart, you took your things, you took your son, and you left the house without giving any prior sign.

Miguel hadn't even realized it and that was probably what hurt you the most. That first night you were away from home, he was away too. He was in México. The next afternoon when he arrived and didn't find you, that's when he started calling you but all he got was your voicemail. And then he saw the pictures you left on the bed and understood everything.

He had no idea where you could have gone. You stopped talking to your family a year ago, your best friend hadn't heard from you in days. Two days after thinking and looking at your statements for some signs, he knew where you went.

It was the only place you could have gone for support. You always told him that.

“Why did you disappear like that?” Was the first thing he asked when you opened the door “I was worried”

“In the arms of Palomo, sure” you nodded and crossed your arms in your chest as you leaned against the front door frame “What happened? She got tired of sharing?”

“Amor…”

“Don’t call me that” You interrupted him. Your voice came out more aggressive than you thought it would, but hearing him call you that way when he could have been calling another woman the same, caught you off guard and made you angry in just a second. “You have no right to call me that”

Miguel looked hurt and regretful, but you couldn't let that distract you. You couldn't fall that fast again.

“It’s not what you think,” he said and from the way he sounded, you knew he also thought it was a weak excuse.

“So it’s photoshopped? Really? That’s your defense?” You asked with a bitter laugh.

“Let me explain—”

“No… listen, Miguel, I’m too tired,” you said sighing. Your head was spinning around because, although you knew you had to face him sometime, you were not ready to do it so quickly “I’m so tired of your excuses. I’ve been hearing them for months, I’m done”

“Don’t say that… (Y/n), please let me fix it” he insisted, but you shook your head to cut him off.

“I talked to my lawyer,” You said and now the one who was taken by surprise was him “The papers will be home tomorrow, so please sign them”

“What?” Miguel shook his head, your request seemed to make him angry “No… I’m not gonna sign anything without trying to fix what I did first”

You were about to say something when a few steps coming from the kitchen made you look back.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Felipe said when he saw you two at the door. You have never been so grateful for an interruption before.

“It’s okay, Felipe, Miguel is leaving now,” you said turning back to the man in front of you. He knew exactly what you were doing, but he didn't want to leave, not yet. He still had a lot to say, but you didn't feel like listening anymore.

“I want to see my son” he demanded but you didn’t accept it.

“He’s taking a nap” you answered with a sharp tone “If you want to see him another time, I’m not gonna forbid you, but I’m not gonna let you interrupt his nap now”

The next times you spoke to him were through text messages. He was busy with the cartel and you had been very clear that you didn't want him to go to the Reyes' house other than to see Cristobal and whenever he had time it was already too late at night.

You were hardly ever alone. Ez went home with Emily whenever they could, Angel also went sometimes, and having gone to them had not only worked for you but for Felipe as well. Your son had more people who paid attention to him and played with him and he was very happy about it. His happiness was contagious, so nobody at home could be sad or worry whenever he was awake.

The days were easy to get through, but the nights? That was a completely different story.

Because, no matter how tired you were, you spent hours tossing and turning in bed thinking about everything. You couldn't help but remember the good times with Miguel and all those promises that he had made that now no longer existed. You were angry, hurt, and sad, you wanted to burn and break everything, but not even with all those feelings you could put aside the fact that, although your heart was broken, it still belonged to Miguel and you didn't know if one day that would change.

“Daddy!!!”

From the grass, you saw your husband getting close to where you were and saw how he received with a smile and open arms to your son who ran happily towards him. The laughter of your son when his father held him in his arms filled your heart and somehow, made it harder to keep with the decision you had made when you saw those pictures.

“Mi niño... How are you?” Miguel asked him with a big smile on his face “You good?”

“Yes” Cristobal nodded and your still husband turned to you. You were still sitting on the grass and when Miguel saw you trying to stand up, he came over and offered his hand to help you. “Don Felipe is amazing,” Cristobal said and Miguel took his attention back to him “And tío Ez and tío Angel too”

And even though Miguel was not that happy to hear those names, he nodded “I bet they are”

You heard a bike and your son got immediately excited. You had just more than two weeks staying at Felipe's house, but he already identified when Angel or Ez arrived home. He even identified the sound of Felipe's truck.

Cristobal moved in Miguel's arms for him to put him down, and he, without understanding, did so.

“Tío Angel is home,” Cristobal said jumping around and turning towards you. You knew what that look meant. He was asking your permission to go with Angel like every afternoon when he, his brother, or his father came home.

“Go,” you told him and smiled at his reaction. Cristobal ran towards the street and Miguel turned to you.

Cristobal never did that with him. Yes, the house was big enough so he would never hear the cars coming in, but, he didn’t even show that much excitement whenever he crossed the door of any room where he was.

“You think it's safe for him to go out alone?” Miguel asked you so you turned back to him and nodded.

“Angel's waiting for him,” You said nodding again. The Reyes already knew they had to wait outside until Cristobal got to them. They loved coming home to a swirl of excitement. “I thought you were going to México”

Angel walked into the backyard before Miguel could say anything. He had some bags in one of his hands and Cristobal’s little hand in the other one. Both men just nodded when their gazes met.

“Dinner's ready,” Angel said showing you the bags. You had asked him to stop by for some food before going home “Ez and Emily are helping pops, it won’t take them long...”

“You want to join us?” You asked Miguel and he immediately shook his. You already knew what his answer would be, if you had known he would accept, you wouldn’t have asked.

“No. I just came to see my son and talk to you” Miguel answered and you could notice his emphasis when he talked about Cristobal. Miguel knew how to hide his feelings, but you knew he was hating to see his son taking your ex's hand.

“Why don't you put the table?” You turned to Angel and he nodded, taking Cristobal inside the house when he understood you needed to talk to Miguel alone. “Did you sign the papers?” You asked once your son was far enough away so he couldn’t hear.

“I already told you I'm not going to sign anything,” he said irritated. His gaze was still in the door where Cristobal and Angel disappeared.

“Miguel, don't make this harder,” you asked, sighing tiredly. It was probably the fifth or sixth time you asked him to sign the divorce papers “If you're worried about not seeing Cristobal, I already told you not to worry”

“Amor... We need to talk this” he said  “We can't let everything we've built go just like that”

“Just like that?” You repeated while frowning “Why didn't you think about that before sleeping with her?” You rhetorically asked, “You’re asking me to not forget everything we’ve been through, but if you did, why couldn’t I?” Your eyes filled with tears. Even though you’ve been away for two weeks, it frustrated you to not be able to feel anything like he did whenever he went to México with Palomo “I honestly don’t know what did you need… sometimes I feel like I failed you in something”

“You didn’t,” he said immediately, taking a step towards you. You didn't step back because despite wanting to hate him for what he did, you couldn't help but want to feel him close.

“Then?” He asked, but he didn't answer. There were no more excuses that he could use “You know what’s funny? You used to be mad whenever Angel was around, you didn’t stand to hear his name. You were so worried about me cheating with him and the only one cheating was you”

“My mother died, I… I was out of my mind; I was hurt and—”

“I was too and I didn’t run into somebody else’s arms” your voice trembled so you had to clear your throat before continuing “All those times you said you didn’t want to be like your father… Well, you are”

“(Y/n)…” Miguel tried to get closer to you and when you took a step back, his eyes filled with tears now.

“You can come to see Cristobal as many times as you want, but don’t come to talk to me until you sign those papers,” you said putting more distance between the two of you and getting closer to the door “Cristobal! Come say bye to your dad!”

Miguel pressed his eyes with the palm of his hands and tried to look his best by the time Cristobal went out to say goodbye to him.

That night, Cristobal decided that he wanted Felipe to be the one to tuck him in and read him a bedstory, and he wasn't willing to take "no" for an answer. But Felipe didn't care. Happily, after the kid's bath, he went up to the room that had been Ez's to do what the boy had asked, leaving you and his youngest son alone in the living room.

“Since when you drink wine?” He asked you when you poured yourself another drink. You were in the living room, sitting on the couch in front of the television. Emily had left a few hours earlier “Angel said you were the reason why Bishop started to order more beer” he joked.

“Bulshit” You laughed and Ez did too “It’s not that bad, wanna try it?” You asked, offering him your glass, but Ez shook his head, giving a suspicious look at the liquid in your glass.

“Angel said that Galindo stopped by” Ez took his beer and gave it a sip, then leaned against the back of the couch and turned to look at you.

You chuckled “He came with more excuses” you shook your head without turning to him.

You were silent for a couple of minutes, minutes in which you almost finished the red liquid in your glass. You were so focused on not feeling or thinking anything that when Ez spoke again, you just barely got what he said.

“Remember what you told me when we saw each other again after I got out?” He asked with his gaze fixed on you. You smiled when that memory came to you. Meeting your best friend after 8 years of not seeing him was one of the best things that ever happened to you.

“I told you many things,” you said, knowing too well what he was referring to.

“You said that I made a mistake as everybody does,” He said it even so. You looked down when you heard those words. You said that after he told you how embarrassed he would have been if he had allowed you to see him while he was in prison. You had tried to make him feel better. You never believed that those words could be used against you, let alone make you feel worse than you already felt. “Nobody’s perfect”

You laughed lightly. You moved so he would be in front of you.

“You’re Hannah Montana now?” You asked making him laugh. He gave another sip of his beer and then sighed.

“You love him and he loves you…” He said. You knew how hard it was for him to admit it. He never liked the idea of you marrying Miguel “He made a mistake, just like me and so many people”

“So you think I should go back and pretend that nothing happened?” You raised one of your eyebrows as a small smile appeared on your face. It was probably the alcohol in your system, or probably just you wanting to pretend that the whole thing was not that important to you anymore.

“Pretend that nothing happened? No” Ez shook his head immediately.

“What do you think I should do then?”

“What I think is not important” your friend shrugged “It’s only your decision to make”

And yes. It was. But it was one of the hardest decisions you have ever had to make in your life.

The next days Miguel called you, completely ignoring the fact that you had asked him not to speak to you unless what he was going to tell you was that he had already signed the papers. He talked to Cristobal by video call when he couldn't go to see him, but for the last two days, he hadn't even sent a text. You only knew he got busy and had to do with job matters.

Until one day when you were with your son and Felipe at the butcher shop, Nestor called you. He sounded concerned when he told you that Miguel was a mess and that he felt that you would be the only one who could calm him down, so you agreed to go home when Felipe told you that he would watch your son.

On your way there, you were worried about what you might find when you arrived. Although Miguel always showed his true feelings to you, he rarely loses control, and you were worried about him because he was the father of your child and because even if you didn't want to, you still loved him.

“Nestor…” you said when you parked your car. Your husband's best friend was already waiting for you there “Where is he?”

“Office… he doesn’t look good” he informed you while you walked into the house “The office will need a makeover”

You sighed when you were already in front of his office door. You couldn't hear anything from there, he had probably calmed down a bit by now, but after what had happened with his mother, you quickly opened the door only to find him sitting on the couch with his gaze lost at some point in the room.

The office was a mess. There were books all over the floor, the pages of some were peeled off their covers. The desk lamp was broken and there was a mark on the nearby wall, that made you think he had thrown it at it. The few things on the desk —because many were scattered throughout the room— were messy and even one of the windows was broken.

“Hey…” you said when he didn't turn to you. He wasn't wearing his jacket and his dress shirt was disheveled.

“What are you doing here?” Miguel asked when he heard your voice. It was not exactly an invitation for you to get close, but you did it anyway, being careful to not step on anything in the way “Álvarez called you?”

“No… I needed more clothes for Cristobal” You lied. Thinking about it though, it wasn't entirely a lie. The one who called you was Nestor, not Álvarez “You good?” You asked when you sat next to him after moving some papers. When you were closer to him you noticed that there were tear trails on his cheeks.

“No” He answered, not turning to see you still “I’m not good” he repeated “My wife left with my son, my mother’s dead and I just found out that I knew a version of my mother that wasn’t her,” he said, closing his eyes and throwing his head back “And it was all my fault”

“What happened with your mother wasn’t your fault,” You told him because you knew he's been struggling with those thoughts since what happened.

“I could have done more” he muttered.

“Your mother made a decision and she would have found the way to do it whenever she wanted” Although those words probably wouldn't make him feel better, it was something he had to understand and accept sooner or later. “It’s not your fault”

Miguel nodded even though he didn't completely believe what you said.

“I found a picture of her in one of her books,” he said and turned to you for the first time to ask you: “Felipe knew her; you knew?”

You sighed and nodded “Yes”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his eyes filled with tears.

“‘Cause she asked me no to”

Miguel sighed and sopped for a second before continuing. Your heart was already broken by the mistake he made, but it was breaking a bit more for seeing him in that state.

“I went to talk to him… he told me he was in love with her. He told me that my mom loved to dance, can you imagine? The woman I had to convince to dance with me in our wedding… loved to dance” he smiled and you did the same, the difference was that his tears began to fall before than yours “I didn’t know that” he shook his head looking down as his smile faded “Felipe said that she had to leave parts of her behind ‘cause they didn’t fit with being José Galindo’s wife” his face seemed to radiate hatred. You knew that Miguel and his father didn't have a close relationship, but you knew that he was fond of him and you had never seen him with that expression while talking about him. “I signed the papers,” he said and those words made your eyes start to fill with tears.

“Why did you change your mind?” You asked trying to make your voice come out as calm as possible.

“You have lost so many things since the day I met you” he winced “Your family, your friends, the club… your social circle went smaller” his voice trembled. He seemed more affected than you by that fact. You had never cared about losing friends or family because Miguel never really made you stopped seeing them. They had decided to walk away on their own “I don’t want you to become my mother…”

You got closer to him and grabbed his hand “You know that wasn’t the reason behind my decision, Miguel, you know it too well”

“Yes, I fucked it up” he nodded “But that’s what I mean… you gave me everything and more than you could. You sacrificed so many things, you’ve been there for me in the worst moments. You gave me my son… and I failed you”

Now, you two were already crying. You let him intertwine his fingers with yours.

“I love you and it hurt me to know that you maybe didn’t love me the same—” you confessed and you felt his hand lightly squeeze yours.

“It wasn’t the case…” he interrupted you right away “I love you the same as ever. It wasn’t your fault, it was all me” he sobbed “If I could go back in time and change it… I would”

You fell silent. That conversation you had with Ez about the mistakes that everyone makes went through your mind. That conversation had made you reconsider your decision, and you hadn't stopped thinking about it since that night.

Who were you kidding? You loved that man and as much as you wanted to follow your pride, deep down you didn't want to get away from him.

You let go of his hand and took the folder that you put away before. When you opened it, you realized that they were the divorce papers already signed by him. Your signature was already there too but it wasn't official yet. You would have to take them back to the lawyer so he could do the rest.

“Do you want to do this?” You asked turning to him. Miguel immediately shook his head.

“Te amo. I’m only doing it for you”

You looked down at the papers on your lap. You knew Miguel too well, you know when he was lying and when he was telling the truth. You were sure he was being honest. So you took the papers and tore them up, making Miguel look up at you.

You looked at him and saw the relief and thankfulness on his face.

“Don’t fuck it up again” you said, cupping his face in your hands as he shook his head.

“I won’t… I promise” Miguel took your hands, kissed them, and then hugged you tightly “Thank you” he muttered in your neck “Oh, God, I missed you so much” he cried as you ran your fingers through his hair.

“I mean it, Miguel,” you said, leaning back so you could see him in the eyes “Don’t fuck it up again”

“I know” he nodded “I swear I won’t”

You smiled and let him come closer so he could kiss you, sealing that promise you were sure he would keep.

|| MY MASTERLIST ||

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 292: You Say Jeans

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “well anyway here’s that Touya reveal I foreshadowed like a million years ago, viva la 2020.” Dabi was all “hello world, I’ve killed 30 people and today I’m going to explain to you all why” before he proceeded to explain ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but everyone was so distracted by his tale of child abuse and hero conspiracies that they didn’t much seem to notice. Can’t Ya See-Kun’s Shark Friend was all “IS THIS THE END OF HERO SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT”, and Horikoshi was all “STAY TUNED”, and then Dabi set himself on fire and leaped off of Machia’s back like the chaotic evil, I-just-bleached-all-my-brain-cells weird little fire man he is, ready to burn everyone to crispy bits before they could even react properly to his whole big revenge speech. Fortunately he did not succeed on account of THE RETURN OF THE JING, THE JOAT, BEST FUCKING JEANIST, back from the dead by popular demand in what critics are calling “the best fucking comeback since Jesus himself.”

Today on BnHA: Best Jeanist snatches up Machia and the rest of the League with his fiber steel cables before you can say “more like BEAST JEANIST amirite.” Dabi gets all worked up and lights Hadou on fire which is a real JERK MOVE, and is all “THIS RIGHT HERE IS ALSO ENDEAVOR’S FAULT”, which, NOT SUPER CONVINCED ON THAT, BUT OKAY. Anyway so then he burns up all the cables holding him which is crazeballs btw, and then he and Shouto start fighting, and so basically the whole thing is a literal hot mess and we’ll see how that goes. Meanwhile Tomura wakes up and summons some Noumus, and poor Jeanist has to deal with those on top of the still-attempting-to-rampage Gigantomachia, and everyone else is all “we can’t help you on account of we’re all half dead”, and so it’s looking really bad. And then -- and I can’t stress enough how much I don’t even have the faintest idea how to segue into this next part -- the chapter ends with Mirio!?! just sort of POPPING UP OUT OF THE GROUND all, “SURPRISE, BITCH”, and it literally was so surprising that I am still just kind of speechless. WELL-PLAYED, I GUESS, lol wtf.

lol okay so the first page in the RHA scan is just the “three musketeers” movie promo image that we all already saw a few days ago. but it does confirm that (a) it is indeed a movie, and (b) that it’s set for a summer 2021 release! how exciting

okay so now back to our special Dabi edition of Making a Murderer

“ray of hope” oh hell yes. SAVE US MR. JEANIST

I guess he had a TV in his private hero jet or something?

gotta say, “dammit Dabi” does not even remotely sound like Authentic Best Jeanist Dialogue to me though. gonna need Caleb to see to this. well but what do you guys think? does Best Jeanist curse?? I personally feel like he’s one of those guys who NEVER EVER swears no matter what, except under the most hilariously trifling circumstances. like he’s eating an avocado one day and he accidentally stains the cuffs of his beloved jostume green and he’s all “FUCK”

btw how fucking rich is Best Jeanist though that he has his own fucking plane? the thought just suddenly occurred to me, you know? like even Endeavor, whose agency has its own on-site luxury apartment suites for all of his interns, still drives around in a dinky little car that Bakugou has declared to be too small. which, I guess we know why he felt that way now, seeing as the guy he previously interned with apparently gets around in Jeans Force One

anyway so back to the part where Jeanist shows up to save the day!! YEAH JEANIST WOOOOO

ILU JEANIST YOU REALLY ARE THE BEST!! HUGS AND KISSES!!!

lmao we just saw Gigantomachia take out like a hundred guys not ten chapters ago. and Best Jeanist shows up and takes him down in like two seconds. HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES LEAGUE OF VILLAINS. BET YOU’RE WISHING YOU’D TAKEN HIS QUIRK NOW, AFO. GET FUCKED YOU OLD SPUD

KACCHAN IS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM AWW

SIDE NOTE, IIDA, YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE WORDS LATER ABOUT YOU ACTUALLY AGREEING TO PUT HIM BACK DOWN. YOU DO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS CHILD IS STILL DRIPPING BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE FROM HIS MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS, RIGHT? WAY TO ASSERT YOUR AUTHORITY THERE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CLASS PRESIDENT NOT THE CLASS CLOWN, COME ON NOW

LMAO DABI IS FRANTICALLY TRYING TO DO THE PLOT MATH

SHOULDA CHECKED MORE CLOSELY MY GOOD MARK. LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED THE “MADE IN CHINA” STICKER ON THE BOTTOM. YOU HAVE BEEN BAMBOOZLED. OR ACTUALLY, I GUESS THE MORE ACCURATE WORD HERE IS JAMBOOZLED, AHAHAHAHA. JEANS

HOLY SHIT DABI

I legit almost thought that was Tomura for a second. you two look so alike now with the white hair and the crazy eyes

meanwhile, Shouto is still crying and it’s a lot to take, you guys. lotta feels

ffff come on Jeanist you better do something awesome again here, the mood of the chapter is starting to slip now

YES, GOOD, THAT’LL WORK

WELL YOU TELL ME, SPINNER. I GUESS THAT MEANS BEST JEANIST IS OFFICIALLY THE STRONGEST CHARACTER IN THE SERIES NOW. SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

ffff now Spinner is trying to wake Tomura back up. nah, how’s about we not do that

OH MY GOD HADOU YESSSS

MY GIRL OUT HERE WITH THE “NO THANK YOU” BOUT TO CURBSTOMP THE BIG BAD WITH HER QUIRK KSFHLKLK WHO HERE HAD “HADOU SAVES THE DAY” ON YOUR WAR ARC BINGO CARDS, YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!!

HEY!!!!

fucking son of a... fffkfkff... someone please reassure me that fire isn’t Hadou’s weakness. someone. anyone. also could someone please dial an ambulance and send them to Horikoshi’s house. but not just yet. first I’m gonna need you to wait about fifteen minutes or so while I take care of some things

well all right then, Dabi. so you wanna go on then and explain to us all how this, too, is somehow Endeavor’s fault?

oh I see, you’ve decided that since he’s responsible for “creating” you, everyone you hurt and kill is in truth really being hurt and killed by him! well now, that sure is convenient as fuck I guess

(ETA: that’s a nice effect with the panel sides getting all warped by Dabi’s quirk though, just noticed that.)

amazing how quickly you used up that sympathy card my guy. Shouto please kick his ass, I’m fucking done lol, you can all sort out the rest in therapy later

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE DIAL BACK DEKU’S EMPATHY STATS JUST A LITTLE BIT, HOLY --

“TODOROKI-KUN IS HURT THE MOST”, HE SAYS, WITH HIS ARM BONES SHATTERED INTO LITTLE TOOTHPICK-SIZED PIECES. I MEAN, HE’S PROBABLY TALKING MORE ABOUT MENTAL ANGUISH GIVEN THE CONTEXT HERE, BUT STILL. THAT’S ENOUGH HEROICS FROM YOU ALREADY FOR ONE DAY

NOOO JEANIST

LOTS OF SMOKE IN THE AIR RIGHT ABOUT NOW AND MY BOY’S STILL DOWN A LUNG. GOD DAMMIT

“if the number one suffers a total loss here, this country will fall to pieces” well okay, real talk though, I think the “country falling to pieces” part is pretty much unavoidable at this juncture. you all are just gonna have to try your best to pick up those pieces after the fact and see what you can do with them. if I were you I’d be less worried about the number one’s reputation and more concerned with the half-dozen child soldier interns who are still on the field and very much at risk of being burned to death should you suffer that “total loss.” please try to keep it together here for them

OH FOR FUCK’S

I really thought RockLockRock was gonna come into play here. USE YOUR QUIRK TO LOCK THE ROPES IN PLACE YOU DIP!! if he seriously just sits there and does nothing when his quirk could be the deciding factor I am cancelling his useless ass cute kid or no cute kid shfkjdls

(ETA: is he even there?? did he and Manual just hightail it out of there?? “well good luck, children.”)

also, we’ll put this aside for now to perhaps speculate about later, but what’s with Tomura remembering his dad’s house yet again in that far right panel?? and being itchy again?? I still have yet to fully work out the psychological mechanisms at work as far as his itchiness goes, so I’ll admit this is intriguing to me. it seemed like it was connected to his decay quirk, but then why is it acting up again now. what is this lol

yuh oh

forgot about these guys. looks like these heroes aren’t having such a fun time

oh fucksticks

excuse me ma’am but I don’t like this. you do know that my kids are all there, right. all burnt and impaled and broken-boned and the like. well except for Iida. he’s fine still. BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I FEEL LIKE WATCHING HIM GET TORN APART BY FOUR HIGH ENDS, WTF

HORIKOSHI YOU MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

god fucking... okay look. Horikoshi. you win, okay!? congratulations, you win, this is your show and we’re all just sitting here at your mercy. fine. go ahead and just kill off everyone ever, then!! what am I even gonna do about it. stop reading?? fuck

this whole thing really went from zero to fucked before I could even blink huh. I really thought this was gonna be a turning point chapter for the heroes. shows what I know I guess??

meanwhile this motherfucker is just SCREAMING

ngl, if I wasn’t currently terrified on account of things suddenly taking such a drastic turn for the worse, this would be the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Jeanist my man, I hype you up like it’s my job because you are the greatest fucking meme character in the history of time, but make no mistake, you are also highkey WORTH ALL THE HYPE AND THEN SOME

seriously, though. don’t fucking mind him you guys, he’s just standing here in the coolest pose of all time taking on Gigantomachia all alone with one fucking lung because the substance pumping through his veins is COLD-BLOODED LIQUID DENIM, and DENIM FEELS NO FEAR

Best Jeanist really needs to get his own theme song. -- oh my god I just finally thought of a title for this post. lmao and it’s the dumbest thing. omg

MEANWHILE THE TODOROKI BROS ARE OFF IN THEIR OWN DRAMATIC LITTLE FIRE WORLD

which one do you think is the Mario and which is the Luigi. well, but I mean, Dabi clearly thinks that he’s the Luigi though and that’s why he’s so mad. nobody wants to be Luigi. what a life

THAT’S IT, SHOUTO!! POINT OUT ALL OF HIS HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT, I WANT ANSWERS

JUST TO CLARIFY, IT’S THAT NATSU, NOT SOME OTHER NATSU!! SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!!

OH, WELL IN THAT CASE

BUT OF COURSE. THAT WOULD MAKE IT ALL WORTHWHILE, holy shit. okay I’m just gonna go ahead and say it, Dabi is a piece of work. I really thought this arc would make him more sympathetic at long last, but it seems like it’s doing just the opposite?? this is like an anti-redemption arc. I don’t relish the thought of venturing into the fandom tags once I finish reading this lol

(ETA: well folks, I’ve done it. and actually it was pretty interesting because there are apparently like ten different things that people are mad about, and so it’s like. each post is a new adventure lmao.)

so Shouto is all “BRUH HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST IT” and Dabi is all “YES”, basically? like, he says he’s completely lost his feeling for anything. omg. but you were so sweet. how does that even happen

“finally I can kill you” okay for real what the heck is your damage bro?? can we not. I like Shouto just the way he is, un-killed

oh shit and now the Noumus are here

cue Bakugou diving in to save his mentor, STAB WOUNDS BE DAMNED!! actually it would make more sense for it to be Iida, but if Kacchan is really fixin’ to go full Shounen Dumbass here then he might as well go all out, y’know

-- unless of course, Deku decides to activate another quirk??

“last I checked, the main character of this series was still me” OH? WELL I SUPPOSE THAT IS TRUE, SO PRAY TELL, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT LEFT UP YOUR SLEEVE YOU SUICIDAL BRUSSELS SPROUT

fucking love how he’s all “HAHAHA WITH MY NEW QUIRKS I CAN STILL DO STUPID SHIT EVEN WITH MY ARMS AND LEGS GROUND TO A FINE POWDER” btw. what can I say. Deku gonna Deku

FMMFHDKUHK W H A T

HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WHAT THE WHAT. QUE THE FUCK

(ETA: okay look, all the love in the world to the brave scanlators who take time out of their lives to translate the leaks every week just so we can read the chapter a couple of days early like the addicts we are. that said, translating Mirio’s signature “POWER!!” -- which was already written in English in the original scan -- to “POG-CHAMP” is just a whole new level of wtfuckery from them lmao. is the Lida person back at it again?? amazing.)

MIRIO!?!?! SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY?!?! POGS HIMSELF UP OUT THE GROUND TO BEAT THE NOUMUS LIKE IT AIN’T NO THING. JUST LIKE WE ALL PREDICTED!? I’M SORRY, DID YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE FROM ASTROLOGY DOT COM DIDN’T HAVE THAT ONE IN THE CARDS?? WAS IT NOT OBVIOUS?? TODOROKIS PLUS BEST JEANIST EQUALS MIRIO??

hot damn. Tintin really saw the writing on the wall with the impending Dabi Discourse and was all “NOT SO FAST” lmao. “HERE’S A BRAND NEW THING FOR YOU ALL TO DISCOURSE ABOUT” MIRIO YOU WILD CHILD. YOU GLORIOUS THUG

MEANWHILE LET’S NOT FORGET WHAT MIRIO HAVING HIS POWERS BACK ACTUALLY IMPLIES. HOLY SHIT. SUDDENLY WE CUT BACK TO ALL MIGHT’S OFFICE, ALL THE WAY BACK AT UA. ERI BRANDISHES HER TOKOYAMI-GIFTED BUSTER SWORD, A DETERMINED GLEAM IN HER EYE. “I HEARD YOU WERE TRYING TO HAVE A GIRL POWER ARC WITHOUT ME.” OH. MY. GOD

[lovelybarnes]

second choice- bucky b.

a/n: dhakhd i can never write good endings

pairings: bucky barnes x natasha romanoff, bucky barnes x reader

warnings: death, angst

about: no, you're not his second chance, you're his second choice

it had been a month. exactly one month since natasha sacrificed herself for the world and you lost your best friend, wondering exactly how much the world meant to you without her in it. without steve, and tony, and loki.

you were convinced it didn’t mean all that much for you at the moment, and tried to wave away another flitting thought that it should’ve been you. because the beautiful souls the world lost were so much more important than yours- at least that’s what you told yourself.

you weren't one to bring yourself down, not anymore. it was a long, hard road to get to where you were. happy, secure, not as confident as you would like, but confident. you knew you were important, the face of the little girl you saved once a constant reminder that you were. the giggle of the baby of the woman you had helped off the ledge, and the smile of the ten- year- old boy you saw every morning as you went to get your coffee, the boy that you rescued.

you knew your worth. you simply thought natasha had more. that tony had more, that loki had more (even against horribly popular opinion). so, yes, you wished that you had been the one that jumped off the ledge, the one that snapped their fingers, or the one that was brave enough (and, yes, possibly a little naive) to face thanos with only a blade.

you missed steve, but you understood. even when you didn’t, you did, and it brought you a sense of comfort you didn’t want.

bucky and natasha started dating long after you began to have feelings for him. you never told natasha, although you doubted anything would’ve changed if you had. it was cruel fate, truly, seeing your soulmate and the man you loved together. you couldn’t even hate his girlfriend, she was the best person you knew. so, you settled being the third wheel, the kiss bucky needed to get back into his senses and realize he loved natasha. the shoulder they both came to when the other wasn’t available. the second choice.

you weren’t even mad when you realized that was what you were. you understood.

another cruel understanding you didn’t want.

bucky was everything. he was the moon and the sun and the stars and the clouds. he was the flowers and the butterflies. he was everything.

but you were nothing, not to him, not compared to natasha.

it was truly a cutthroat realization that you loved him, you felt so stupid. how could you let yourself fall for his smile? his smell and his laugh? the crinkles around his eyes when he was happy? the tears that slid from his face and onto your shirt? how could you ever let yourself fall for the love of your life? correction- the love of your best friend’s life.

natasha deserved him. truly, she did, you knew that. he made her happy and she made him, and they both deserved happiness. true, wonderful, blissful happiness that made them high on nothing but each other.

but, god, did it hurt.

the kiss bucky pressed on your lips meant so much more to you than it did him. natasha and him had gotten into an ugly fight, where natasha had gone to get solace from a stranger at the bar, while bucky came to you.

bucky was pacing, hands tangled in his hair and his eyebrows crinkled in a way you found so beautiful.

your hands had held him steady, your lips saying soft, gentle, comforting words, and he had stared at you.

he told you you looked so pretty like that, in your t- shirt with no makeup, and he kissed you.

your body had lit up with fireworks, and you knew you should pull away. but he was tugging you closer and the smell that was purely him was making you dizzy. his lips were soft and cracked and beautiful. perfect and imperfect wrapped into perfect bucky barnes. his hands were on your waist, and he had pressed you against him so there wasn’t a millimeter of space between the two of you.

he told you it was a mistake the next morning, when he and natasha had made up.

one thing you realized quickly was that they got into a lot of fights. breaking up for at most a week before coming back to each other, fucking each other's brains out each time.

he always came to you before, though. he hugged you and pulled you to him when you were watching a movie on the couch. he would brush feather light kisses to your cheeks, and your forehead, and sometimes your lips. he made his goal to make you laugh and he always did because you would do anything he asked.

you hated yourself because you were putty in his hands, because he threw you away again each time he got back together with natasha. because she was your best friend and you were lying next to her on and off love.

you didn't care, as naive and painful as it was, the few moments you had with bucky when nat wasn't around were your favorite.

it was stupid.

you were stupid.

you didn't care.

natasha and bucky said i love you for the first time right before they went into battle with thanos. they held hands and nat screamed when he dusted.

you held her together with the pieces of tape you used to keep yourself together, and it wasn't very long before you started to break apart.

you were really surprised nobody had found out about your crush, seeing as there were so many soldiers, spies, geniuses and mutants constantly around you.

wanda was the hardest. your emotions and thoughts were so loud. especially about bucky.

she found out at some point, though, because she started to look at you with a worried look on her face that made you want to rip your hair out.

she knew you were crumbling, only pieces of yourself now.

it was you and natasha who decided to try and get them back, not ready to give up, never ready to give up on bucky and them.

the only reason you hadn't gone with nat to get the soul stone was because you went with thor and rocket. nobody trusted either of them enough and so you were the babysitter. it was fun though, until you got back and realized your life was gone.

you hated yourself, seeing as, if you had gone with her, maybe it would've been you. and she would've stayed in the world she finally found her place in. you were sure of that, too (again, cruel information), considering she told you countless times you were her soulmate. yes, she loved bucky. he was the love of her life, but you were it for her. she could grow old with you and only you because she loved you so much.

you loved her. she was, as she put it (like you did as well), your soulmate. it was such a beautiful and bitter thing. the fact that you were the exact same and she didn't know. you were more similar than she thought, and it was horrible.

but she was it for clint, too, though. unfortunately.

when bucky came back, you sobbed. tears ran through your face fast and hard and mercilessly. because you missed him so much but natasha was gone and you were in turmoil. he locked himself in his room alone for two days, then he let you in. you stayed with him for two weeks, during which he allowed steve in. then, steve left and he stayed in his room with you some more, until he was as okay as he could be. he grieved natasha with you, then steve. he grieved some more when you left for asgard, and then, somehow, he was okay. he had accepted the deaths and it was flabbergasting to you. you didn't complain, you could never. not about bucky.

after ten months, he told you he loved you. you had stared at him as the words you always yearned to hear slipped out of his perfect mouth in his velvet voice.

"y/n. you're my second chance. i think the universe or something finally realized how fucked up it's been for me and it gave me you," you didn't understand. you had been here this whole time.

"it gave me 'tasha, then it took her away, but, you- god, y/n. you're my second chance."

your heart had heard what it had been craving, but, you shook your head.

"no,” you whispered, blinking fast. “i'm your second choice.”

you were the person bucky went to when he couldn’t be with natasha, and you would’ve settled for that before, but not anymore.

“i'm not your second chance, bucky. i'm your second choice. it’s always been like this and i get it, okay? nat was amazing. she was beautiful and badass and perfect for you. i’m the step down and i get it. but that doesn’t mean i want to be."

bucky had stared at you as he realized you were right, and he hated himself for it.

[binnie-huaisang]

Silly Fight

Genre: angst, fluff(?

Pairing: Chan × reader

Words: 3.4 k

TW: Mental health issues, depression.

Also, this came out a little darker that I intended and by the end I didn’t have the heart to give it the final I was actually going to write, BUT if you wanna read the original ending I was planning, you can look for the “alternative” version in my blog where I added the original ending because apparently I like to make myself cry (:

Note: I'm sorry if there are some spelling or grammar mistakes, or if some expressions just don't make sense. English isn't my first language, but I promise I'm trying my best.

Chan and you started dating a few years ago, of course nobody knew that, except for your friends and his family.

At the beginning of the relationship you were really nervous all the time, always scared to make a bad movement or saying something that could maybe make him uncomfortable. That, and the fact that you didn’t even live in the same country, had you worried every moment of every day. You had always been an overthinker, and this certainly did no better to your condition.

However, things were going great, and it wasn’t too long for the little voices in your head to notice that. It was almost as if Chan and you were meant for eachother. It wasn’t like anything you had experienced before. Your relationship was one of those that you can only find in fairytales, and you knew that it was because both of you were so in love that every thing that could seem as a problem for other people, meant nothing to you.

Even with the distance, you would always be there for eachother. Every time he was getting frustrated over work or you were having a bad time because of college, you  would always be there to give support to the other.

Even if your personalities were very different, you barely fought, and it wasn’t because you weren’t able to see the other’s defects or mistakes, but because you knew that they were part of the person you loved and, in a certain way, you also had fallen for those things.

Yes, both of you were completely different worlds, but somehow, you made it work. Even after taking that big step that was making your relationship official, everything kept being the exact same way. Now, it wasn’t only your loved ones who would always tell you that you were basically soulmates, but also his fans and comrades.

Everything was just perfect, or at least it was until that afternoon…

You were visiting Chan after a few months of not seeing each other and, as usual, he took you to that coffee shop that was near his company building.

He was trying his best to act like everything was okay and that nothing was bothering him, but you knew him more than anyone in the world, and you could tell that something was off.

“Babe, is something bothering you?” you asked while caressing his hand over the table.

He saw the concern behind your eyes and that only made the guilt inside of him grow. He didn’t wanna do it, he knew it would end really bad for both of you, but he knew that if he didn’t tell you, someone else would, and that would be even worse.

“Everything’s alright angel” he lied. “Let’s eat, the food will get cold”, and there it was, that smile, the one that he uses every time something is bothering him but he doesn’t wanna tell you.

“Chan”, you called, making him look up to you. He could hardly look at you in the eye without getting nervous. He knew a fight was coming, and he was doing everything he could to hold it over. He was really trying, but he felt so guilty for being the reason for your concern.

Suddenly, the image of you crying in his bed popped into his mind. It was the first time he ever saw you cry, and no one could put in words how guilty and broken he felt for knowing that he was the reason behind it. Apparently you saw one of those mean comments people make on social media about him and you couldn’t resist it. 

You were the kind of person that never cared about what others said about you, but as soon as someone said something about your loved ones, it was on.

That was one of the hardest days for both of you. You were trying to give comfort words to each other, but it was useless. You could still not understand why would people be so mean towards the best person you’ve ever met, the one who was always there for anyone that needed some help. On the other hand, he would never forgive himself for making you cry. He knew it was because of him, and he was feeling so mad for making the one he loved suffer in that way. You were his whole world, his motivation on the hard days and his celebration partner on the best ones. 

You were everything he could’ve dreamed of, in his eyes you were just perfect, and the fact that he hurt you in some way was something that would never happen again. Or at least that was what he thought.

“Chan? Chan!” Your voice brought him back to reality. “Listen, I don’t know what’s happening, but you know you can tell me everything”.

“Well… Actually, there is something I need to tell you…” He finally said and you nodded. “I was talking with some people from the company the other day and… They asked me to talk to you about some things related to your podcast”.

Chan looked at you, examining every inch of your face, looking for any movement or expression that could let him know what you were thinking, but it was useless. Your expression was completely neutral.

However, in your head things were very different. You weren’t stupid, of course you knew what he was about to say. 

You and your best friend, Santiago, had a podcast where you would talk about random stuff, it could be mental health issues, cartoons, movies, or even political complains, it was basically two friends just talking to each other. This podcast had existed even before you knew Chan and it didn’t seem like there was a problem about it until some people of Chan’s company asked him to tell you that you should stop joking about your mental health online because it gave a “bad image”.

That happened just a couple months ago and you were still mad. Anyone who knew you knew that was your coping mechanism and they had the audacity to ask you to stop doing it. Of course you could just refuse to do it, but you didn’t want any problems, besides, after talking with Santiago, you both agreed that there were some comments that could actually be a trigger to some of your audience, so you ended up agreeing.

“What is it?” Your face could be inexpressive, but your voice revealed all the annoyance you were feeling.Of course, Chan noticed that and it only made him more nervous. He really didn't want to do it, he knew it was unfair, but he had to tell you.

“Well… It’s actually a very stupid thing, you will probably laugh when you hear it because it´s really stupid-”

“Just tell me” you said, cutting off  the babbling of the slightly scared boy that was sitting across from you.

“They say you should stop swearing so much”.

Chan was right, you did laugh, but it wasn’t for the reason he expected. You were so done with them. As much as you always hated the control they had over Chan, you could kind of understand it since he worked for them, but you didn’t, and the fact that they were trying to have control over you and your friend was unacceptable.

“You know what? I’m going to talk with them, I’m fucking done”. You said getting up from your seat. Even when you were keeping your voice in a low tone, some people turned because of the sudden move.

“Babe!” Chan took your wrist in his hand before you could start walking away. He didn’t say anything, but by the look in his eyes, you knew he wanted you to stay there and talk about it, and so you did.

“It’s just that… It’s so stupid!” You said a little more relaxed. 

“I know baby” Chan comforted you by caressing your left cheek.

“I mean, I would consider changing something if it made you uncomfortable, but I shouldn’t have to change because some people that don’t even know me think that I ‘swear’ a lot”.

“Well…” The panic showed on his face as soon as he realized what he had done.“

‘Well’?” You raised a brow. “So you think they’re right’“

“No! Of course not! I’m just saying that maybe you do swear in moments where it’s not completely necessary”. Despite his previous intent of calm you down, he was having some stressful days and he was beginning to feel tired.

“But that’s the way I talk!”

“Well, maybe the way you talk does give a bad image!”

“Oh, because I clearly care so much for my image! Why do you care anyways? You’re not even in the podcast!”

Chan let out a sarcastic laugh. “What did you say before? That you would consider changing something if it made me uncomfortable? Go ahead then, change it! Oh, wait. You won’t, because you are so used to people agreeing with you that whenever someone disagrees you just ignore it!”

You stared at him with a stunned look. Something inside you knew that none of you were thinking straight and that maybe you should stop, but you were so mad at him for agreeing with the people that were trying to control you, that you ignored that little voice.

“First of all, why do you all complain about it so much? Whenever I say a bad word or ‘swear’ or however you wanna call it, I do it in my first language, you don’t even understand what I’m saying so shut the fuck up! And second, it doesn’t even make sense that you are telling me that you are bothered because of my language! I never swear around you because I know that your holy ears bleed everytime someone says ‘fuck’. Why don’t you just tell me that you are so scared of them that you need to be a total jerk to me in order to make them happy?”

“Oh, so now I’m being a jerk? You know what? Maybe I am scared of them, but you are being selfish! You are not even thinking about how this can affect me!”

“Pleeease!” You said with a sarcastic laugh. “You’re no one to talk about it! You were the one who pushed me into revealing our relationship because ‘you didn’t want to hide anything from your fans’“ You mocked. “I wasn’t prepared and you still made me appear in front of a camera! You didn’t care what it would do to me, so don’t talk to me about being selfish!”

You could feel the tears forming in the corner of your eyes. You always tried to ignore the bad comments since they were minimum, but sometimes you couldn’t help being affected by them, especially when you were already having bad times.

“You know I’m sorry for that”. Chan said recovering from the sudden anger. He knew that he made a mistake by throwing you to the world like that and there wasn’t a day he didn’t regret it. 

“Well, that doesn’t make the death threats disappear”. As much as you tried to hold them, you felt the tears finally scape.

Chan was speechless, he wanted to say something, to hug you and say sorry for everything, but he couldn’t move. He was just there, sitting while he watched you fall apart. And the worst part was yet to come…

“I- I don’t care about this. I don’t care about those stupid coments and I wouldn’t care about  what your stupid bosses tell you if it wasn’t beacuse it’s always me who has to do or change something” Your voice was barely a whisper, but Chan could hear every single word. “My grades have been getting down, you know?” A sad smile painted your face. “I’ve been feeling bad for months and I cannot pay attention to my lessons. To be honest, I don’t even know if I like my career anymore, but I can’t quit, I don’t want to. I keep telling to myself ‘maybe it’s not the career, it’s just my depression, I’ll be fine in a few days’, but I’m not fine and I’ve been wanting to look for help but therapy is fucking expensive”.

Chan was looking at you completely devastated. He never knew you were feeling bad. Of course he knew about your depression, but you once told him that you’ve been feeling alright for more than a year now. How stupid he was for not noticing. He wanted to ask you why you didn’t say anything, why would you hide such important things, but, once again, he didn’t.

“The money I earn… I use everything to come here to see you because you are not allowed to visit me” You said in a more bitter tone than you intended. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you, I know this is your job but… It can be a little exhausting to be the one who always has to adapt, to be the strong one. I never say anything because I love you so much and I know I should support you because the path you chose is already hard enough but… I’m just… tired. I’m tired of everything”.

You didn’t even have time to react when your boyfriend got up from his seat and walked around the table to kneel in front of you and wrap his arms tightly around your waist. The initial shock fading as you heard his muffled crying on your chest. You were trying to comfort him by caressing his hair, but it was useless. After a few minutes, when both of you felt that the sobs of the other were fading, Chan finally looked up at you, sending a wave of guilt through your body as you saw his still teary eyes. 

Before you could say anything, he gave you a soft and long kiss on the forehead. The kiss was so full of love and emotions that it made you tear once again.

“I’m so sorry” He said with a raspy voice. “I’m such an asshole for not noticing. You’re always there for me and I just-”

“Shhh” You interrupted by caressing his cheek. “None of this is your fault. I shouldn’t have brought up the subject, this wasn’t the time to do it”.

“Hey, don’t say that!” Chan said as he lifted your chin to meet his eyes. “You’re right, I guess I’m taking more than what I’m giving, but this stops now. I will talk with my manager to see if he can fix something, and as for your therapy… I will pay for it”.

“Of course not!” You said with wide eyes. “I’m the one who has to handle this, I’ll find the way”.

“Angel, you don’t have to go through this by yourself, you have me now and I will not leave you alone… Not again”.

And with that said, he held you in his arms once again pulling you as closer as he could as if he feared you’d disappear at any moment. After a few seconds, you heard your boyfriend’s muffled voice again.

“Don’t say that again”.

“What?”

“That you are tired of everything, don’t say that. If you say that you’re tired of me, that you’re tired of college… I can take it, but please don’t say you’re tired of everything”. His words made you suddenly go pale. You didn't expect him to understand the meaning of your words, but he did. Even if you never told him the full story because you were so scared of him dismissing the matter, he knew you were struggling with something ever since you were a child. In fact, he knew more than you tought. 

As far as you knew, he was always very busy to listen to your podcast, but that was only partially true, since he did use to listen to some of the chapters. One of them was the one where you and Santiago were talking about the importance of mental health and how people should always ask for help if they feel like there’s something that’s not working as it should. In that chapter you talked a little bit about your experience with depression and you mentioned… Something. Something that you almost did in middle school. Of course, Santiago didn’t seem surprised, since he already knew about it and he only reassured you that you weren’t alone anymore, but for Chan, knowing about that situation really shocked him. Of course he never told you anything since he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but ever since he found out about this… Situation, he would find himself thinking about it in the most unexpected moments of the day. 

After thinking about what would be the best answer to the sudden request, you decided that a simple nod would be the only thing that wouldn’t make you burst into tears again, so that’s what you did.

“I still don’t want you to pay for my therapy tho” You said with a tired smile after your boyfriend had broken the hug just to start playing with your hands.

“We’ll talk about it later, angel” He said, smiling back at you, but this time it wasn’t a sarcastic or a nervous smile, it was a real one. “Now, why don’t we go back to the apartment? I will cook something delicious for you”.

“But we already have food here!” You said, letting out a little giggle at the ridiculous proposal.

You could see how the red color of his cheeks and ears became more intense before he leaned toward one of yours. “To be honest… I don’t know if I feel comfortable eating in a room full of people that saw me crying just a few instants ago”.

A sincere laugh escaped your lungs. You hadn’t thought about it until he pointed it out and he was right, it was kind of embarrassing. After a few more giggles from both of you because of the whole situation, you found yourselves walking towards the entrance while holding hands. It was weird, you knew that for most people, having that kind of discussion could've ended in so much pain, and even a breakup, but you weren’t like most people. Chan meant the world to you and you were the love of his life, which meant that he would not back down and he would not let anyone hurt you, even if that someone was you.

You were already walking down the street when you suddenly remembered something.

“Baby?” He looked at you with a sweet simile. “You don’t know how to cook”.

“Well, maybe by ‘cooking something for you’ I meant supervising the people who will actually cook for you”.

“Channie!” You whined, a little worried that his friends will get tired and refuse to keep cooking for you one of these days.

“It’s alright! Felix loves cooking for you! And Lino loves having you around, why would he refuse?” And there they were, the beautiful dimples you’ve been missing for so long. 

You stared at his face for a few moments and before he could ask why had you stopped walking, you planted a quick kiss on his right dimple, followed by a sweet peck on his lips.

You laughed at the flustered boy standing in front of you, your smile only getting wider as you felt him holding you by your waist and pulling you closer so he could hide his already red face in the curve of your neck.

“I love you _____“ He murmured, sending shivers down your spine and making you feel butterflies in your chest.

“And I love you, my angel“

“Hey! That’s my nickname for you“ He pouted.

“I know baby, but you truly are an angel to me“ “Stopthisatonceifyoudon’twantmetokissyoualloveryourbeautifulfaceohmygodIloveyoumuch“ You giggled again, barely being able to listen to his muffled words since his face had already found its way back to your neck.

“Channie… I’m sorry for starting that silly fight…”

“Hey, stop it! You had all the right to be mad! And it wasn’t a ‘silly fight‘. Actually, I’m kind of grateful that it happened, since it made me know how you were feeling”.

You were about to complain, but before you could, he planted a quick kiss on your hand and dragged you towards his body, making you get back to the pathway. “Let’s go angel! The faster we get there, the faster I will be able to start begging Minho to cook something for us”.

Hi! I’m sorry if this is too bad, this is my first time writing a short fic and it’s also the first time I write something this long only in english. If there are any grammar mistakes that you can find, feel free to send me a DM and correct me (:

©  binnie-huaisang 2021 All rights reserved. Translating or reposting is not allowed. 

[stupid-stew]

The Blame Game

me when I have an idea and have never written fan fiction before and then accidentally write 3,000 words about it OOPSIES anyways I was like what if Eda got mad at Luz after YBOS and um could not get that out of my head

EDA

Eda was tired

So tired

Too much had happened over the course of the last day, she hadn’t had any time to think, but now she had a moment to herself, thinking was all she could do. All the events of the last 24 hours, heck the last 30 years, they all came back to her at once.

Lilith had cursed her? Her own sister? And then betrayed the emperor for her? First she’d been hurt by Lilith and then saved by her, and now Lilith was living under her roof? They’d barely talked at all in the last several decades, and now Eda was expected to just be ok with it? Just like that? After the screaming match they’d had not even an hour ago, Eda wasn’t sure there would be much talking at all for the next few days, not like she wasn’t used to it. There was too much to unpack with her sister right now, she felt too hurt to give it any more of her attention. And Luz, poor Luz, oh that kid was going to be the death of her-

A quiet whisper of “Hey Eda?” interrupted her spiraling thoughts.

Eda sat up from her nest and saw the focus of her thoughts standing in her doorway, “What’s up kid?”

What was Luz still doing awake? It was too late, was she having issues sleeping too? It wouldn't be surprising, the kid was probably traumatized up the wall.

Luz moved her mouth, but Eda didn’t hear a word she said, still consumed by her own brain

Luz, her kid. Eda supposed that she might as well admit to herself she loved the kid at this point. But what was she thinking, breaking into the emperor’s castle like that? Didn’t she know she could have gotten herself hurt, others hurt. Eda got hurt, Eda got hurt beyond repair, she’d lost her powers. Her powers had been the only thing keeping her alive, keeping her sane. What was she going to do without her magic? She couldn't live without it, she was the most powerful witch on the boiling isles for titan’s sake, but what is a witch without her power? And if Luz hadn’t broken into the castle, regardless of her intentions, maybe Eda could have had a shot at keeping her powers longer, but no, Luz just had to play the hero didn’t she, everyone else be damned huh?

“Get out” Eda said flatly

“And th- what?” Luz said, startled and confused by the sudden interruption

“I said get out, I don’t want to see you right now” she replied sharply

“Eda I don’t understa-”

“Of course you don’t understand, why would you, why would you ever think about anyone else, you didn’t even think about the repercussions of breaking into the castle”

“Eda I promise I didn’t mean for any of this to happen I just wanted to…”

“No.” Eda cut her off abruptly “I know what you wanted, you wanted to play the hero, you wanted to be back in your imaginary fantasy world where nobody gets hurt and you can always save the day, you wanted to win, guess what kiddo, you won. You won and everyone else got to lose.”

“Eda, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say…” Luz trailed off with tears forming behind her eyes

Something in eda snapped.

“I’M SAYING IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU I MIGHT STILL HAVE MY POWERS, I MIGHT STILL BE MYSELF. IT’S YOUR FAULT LUZ. IF YOU HAD TAKEN EVEN A MOMENT TO THINK BEYOND HAVING TO BE THE ONE TO SAVE ME, THEN YOU WOULDN’T HAVE NEEDED SAVING AND I COULD STILL BE LOOKING FOR A CURE. LUCKY YOU, I NO LONGER HAVE ANY MAGIC TO SAVE MYSELF SO MAYBE YOU CAN STILL BE THE HERO YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AFTER ALL. I. DON’T. WANT. TO. SEE. YOU. RIGHT. NOW.”

There was a stunned silence after those last words, Eda slapped her hand over her mouth, shocked at her own outburst, and Luz doubly as hurt by the words. She didn’t know where that had come from, of course she knew that Luz hadn’t meant for any of this to happen, it wasn’t the kid’s fault Eda was cursed, much less her fault that Eda was a wanted criminal who had gotten herself caught. It was her choice to go save Luz from Lilith, even when the kid was being pressed into spikes she was more worried about the older witch than her own wellbeing.

“Luz-” Eda said, taking her hand away from her mouth to reach out towards the now shaking teen, not sure how to even begin to repair the damage she had just caused.

“No, it’s ok.” Luz cut her off, her voice breaking, “I’ll give you your space, I’m sorry.”

“Kid wait-”

The door shut with a quiet click, once again leaving Eda alone in the silence with her thoughts. She fell back into her nest.

Shit.

LUZ

Luz wasn’t sure what had just happened. She had never heard Eda yell at anyone like that before, well now with the exception of Lilith, and herself.

Was it something Luz had done? She was just telling Eda about how she had fought Belos, maybe if she replayed the events in her head…

*5 minutes earlier*

Luz stood outside the massive door to Eda’s room, not sure whether or not to enter. Eda was under a lot of stress, that had to be taking a toll on her, maybe she should just walk away and come back tomorrow…

No, this can’t wait, Eda needs to know

Luz sighed and reluctantly stepped into the doorway. Eda was laying down in her nest with her eyes closed, was she asleep?

“Hey Eda?” Luz asked in a whisper, not wanting to wake the witch if she was finally resting.

Much to Luz’s surprise, Eda sat up. “What’s up kid?”

Eda’s voice had sounded warm, which was a shock to Luz, she had half expected Eda to be mad at her, titan knew she blamed herself enough for the two of them already, but her voice also sounded empty. Maybe Luz was making a mistake, she should leave Eda alone for a little while longer. No, it was probably better to get it over with.

“Hey I’m sorry to bother you, but I need to tell you something.” Eda didn’t respond, so Luz took that as a sign to keep going. “Ok so you know how you gave me the portal key? When you and King and Lilith were up on the platform, Belos wanted to speak to me alone.” she paused, waiting for some kind of reaction, receiving none. “He wanted the portal, and I gave it to him, don’t worry, I set it on fire… which kind of means that I’m stuck here, and th-”

And then Eda had gotten mad, really mad. Was she mad about the portal? No of course it wasn’t about the portal, it was about Luz. Eda was mad at Luz. Eda hated her, maybe she should just leave, spare Eda the reminder of who made her lose her powers every time she saw Luz’s face. And the worst part is that Eda was right, she had gotten too caught up in trying to save Eda that she forgot that she could have gotten hurt. Maybe all those people back home were right, she was too caught up in her fantasy wor-

“OUCH”

Luz ran into something, more accurately, someone. She had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t been looking in front of her and had run right into Lilith.

“Oh my titan, Luz I am so sorry are you ok?” Lilith fussed over her, seeming genuinely worried about Luz

“What do you care.” Luz scoffed, immediately regretting her words when she saw Lilith’s face drop at her words. “I’m sorry, I guess I should be asking if you’re ok as well seeing as I was the one that ran into you”

“Oh, I guess we are both at fault then, seeing as I wasn’t watching my step either, nonetheless I do apologize. What are you doing up so late? Does Edalyn not have a bedtime set for you?”

Luz took mild offense to the fact that Lilith thought of her as such a child, but most of the pain came from the fact that Lilith thought Eda still cared about her enough to make sure she got proper sleep. Instead of admitting that to Lilith, Luz settled to retort with “I was just coming back from her room, what are you even doing in the house? Didn’t eda strictly forbid you from coming in here until she says otherwise?”

Lilith chuckled slightly at that, which caught Luz off guard, but Lilith’s reply quickly caught her thoughts away from that “I suppose you’re right, but I heard screaming and wanted to make sure nobody was hurt, I guess if you were just in her room then you’re both probably fine, perhaps you could tell me what that was all about?”

And then Luz lost it.

LILITH

Lilith wasn’t sure what to do. Luz hated her, had every right to, but as she stood in the dark hallway with the teenager wrapped around her waist and sobbing, let’s just say she was more than a little bit confused. She expected a lot of emotions from Luz, anger, hatred, rage, was screaming an emotion? Maybe it should count as one. But this? This was very very far down on the list.

“Luz? What’s wrong?”

The girl mumbled something in between sobs into her dress, but it was completely inaudible.

Lilith continued to stand there with her arms out and away from Luz for another minute, not wanting to touch the girl and make her uncomfortable, and at an utter loss for how to comfort her. Not even a day ago they had been seated on the floor of a clearing in the human world while Lilith had shamefully explained herself, how had she ended up here?

Slowly, Lilith placed her hands on the younger girl’s shoulders and pushed her away enough to see her face, Lilith was horrified to see the girl had been really sobbing, hard, her face barely visible in the dark somehow still managed to show levels of pain she didn’t think were possible for someone so young.

“Luz, ” Lilith said as clearly as she could while keeping her voice soft “what’s wrong?”

She listened quietly as Luz tried to explain to her the conversation she had just had with Eda. Lilith was shocked. She had never expected Eda to yell like that at Luz, she had barely seen them interact, but she still knew that her sister cared deeply for the human, and had never expected that sort of outburst to happen, especially in Luz’s direction. Lilith knew that Eda didn’t mean it, but did Luz know that? Of course she didn’t. Lilith was used to Eda yelling at her, she took it and understood where she was coming from, but for her to snap at Luz like that? Something had to be wrong.

“Luz, look at me” Lilith looked down at the still crying girl wrapped around her waist, waiting for her to make eye contact before kneeling down on one knee to get eye level with her while still keeping her hands on Luz’s shoulders. “I need you to listen to me, ok?” Luz nodded, wiping her eyes. “Ok, this is absolutely not your fault. None of it. I don’t know why Edalyn has decided to place the blame on you, but she was wrong to do so.” Luz didn’t look convinced. Titan, Lilith thought, this girl must have really taken what Eda had said to heart. “The blame is on me, Edalyn, and Belos. Not. You. I am responsible for Eda’s curse and capturing you, for which I will never stop apologizing. Eda and I are responsible for the battle and any harm that came to you during it. I am responsible for capturing Eda, Belos is responsible for her losing her powers, even I played a part in that. None of that is on you. At all.”

Luz looked at her blankly, Lilith was unsure what to do, she had never been good with words, had she said something wrong?

“Promise?” Luz asked softly

Lilith looked at the girl in front of her, the girl who had put her life on the line for her sister, the girl who had fought the emperor and ultimately won, in all her years in the coven she had never seen Kikimora look that terrified, and Belos was a scary man, this kid was so strong, and here she was, asking the woman who had put her life in danger out of spite, for a promise.

Lilith raised her hand and drew a dim blue circle in the air, grabbed Luz’s wrist, and pulled her hand through it. “I promise none of this was your fault, and I will do everything in my power to make sure any part of it that was mine gets remedied in full.”

Their hands glowed faintly for a moment before the light went out.

“So,” Lilith began, “what do you say we get started on that promise?”

Luz, still holding onto Lilith’s hand, nodded and allowed the witch to walk her down the hallway, back to the doors where this had all begun.

EDA

Shit Shit Shit

Eda had spent the last half hour trying to think of any way to make up with Luz, she had never meant to say any of that at all, she didn’t blame Luz, not at all, she blamed herself, and Lilith, and Belos, but mostly herself

For the second time that night, Eda found her thoughts interrupted by someone in her doorframe, this time though there was no word of warning, just a silhouette.

“Lilith?” Eda asked, squinting to try and see her mystery visiter, splitting the curse must have split her night vision as well, add that to the list of awful things that had happened

“Yes.”

It was a simple reply, but enough to make Eda jump out of her nest, “What the hell Lily, I thought I told you so stay out of here, what if Luz saw you?”

“Actually…” Lilith started before tugging lightly on something out of the door frame, bringing luz out from behind the wall.

She’s been crying was all Eda thought.

“Lily I swear to titan if she has even a scratch on her-” Eda began to threaten, but then she remembered. “Oh”

“Yeah, I ran into her in the hall,” her sister replied, “can we come in? I think you have some explaining to do”

Eda nodded sadly, seeing Luz this upset, knowing that she was the one who had caused this, it was almost too much, and when Eda got upset, she had a tendency to run her mouth, so she just started talking as soon as Luz had gotten sat down and Lilith had left the room.

“Look kid, I’m sorry. I know that doesn't even begin to make up for what I said, but I mean it. None of this is your fault, I mean you could have been a little more careful, but the blame isn’t yours. I was having a rough time, which isn’t an excuse for the things I said, but I got mad and snapped at you. I wasn’t even mad at you, I was mad at myself, and I took it out on you and that was wrong of me. I was upset about the loss of my magic, it meant a lot to me, but you need to know that it’s not your fault it’s gone. I’m sorry. I was playing the blame game and you’re the one who lost, even though you weren’t the one playing. You didn’t deserve me yelling at you like that and I am so so so-”

“It’s ok.” Luz cut her off.

“-rry. What?”

“It’s ok Eda. I get it. I know you were mad, and I wish you hadn’t said those things, but I know it wasn’t my fault.” Luz said, looking the older witch right in the eyes.

Eda sighed a heavy sigh, “Good.” They looked at each other for a moment before Eda remembered. “What were you in the doorway for?”

“I had something to tell you, but I think it can wait until morning.”

“Luz, I think it is morning” Eda chuckled, looking out the window to see the sun on the horizon.

“Then it can wait until the afternoon!” the teenager exclaimed back.

Luz got up to leave, but Eda grabbed her by the wrist “and just where do you think you’re going?”

“Back to my room? Eda I have to sleep.”

Eda yanked her wrist, pulling her back into the nest “what a coincidence, I have to sleep too! Maybe we could have an apology nest party?”

Luz laughed, slightly taken aback by Eda’s sudden affection, but relieved to see that she was actually sorry and didn’t mean any harm. “Fine by me.”

“Love you, kiddo.”

“I love you too, Eda.”

They lay in silence for a moment before Eda startled Luz by yelling “LOVE YOU LILY!”

There is a sudden scrambling outside of the door and the sound of a witch’s footsteps could be heard retreating back down the stairs.

“How did you know she was still listening?” Luz asked between giggles

“She never was a quiet walker, it would have been hard for me to miss her walking away”

That was the first good sleep Eda had in years, no thoughts eating away at her, no nightmares, no curse dreams, just her and her kid.

read @novelist-becca’s alternate ending!!!!

[ibijau]

forbidden romance gets a pt2! / on AO3

“It won't work,” Lan Xichen said with great gentleness, clearly worried about hurting Nie Huaisang's feelings.

They'd decided to meet again in that same clearing, after a few secret letters exchanged. Nie Huaisang would have preferred to only talk that way, because he trusted himself to make a person fall in love through poetry more than through his actual personality, but things had been getting... difficult at home.

So there they were again, alone in this isolated little spot of wilderness, hidden among the many shadows of a moonless night. Lan Xichen, this time, was wearing dark blue to better disappear into the night, or perhaps as a small act of rebellion against his sect. Nie Huaisang too wore dark colours, his robes those of a servant. He didn't enjoy the feeling of that rougher fabric, but there had been no choice.

Things were difficult at home.

So difficult that Nie Huaisang had taken the risk of telling Lan Xichen why he'd first tried to contact someone from Gusu Lan, all those weeks ago.

“Music can't heal him then?” Nie Huaisang asked.

“It can,” Lan Xichen corrected. “The issue is that your brother will not allow it.”

“Not if it's you, that's certain,” Nie Huaisang agreed.

He might have said that with a touch more bitterness than he should have. Lan Xichen ever so slightly flinched at the attack, though at least he didn't try to defend himself. Maybe he was feeling guilty over what had happened.

Good.

It was his fault.

“Maybe if it's your uncle who comes play for him?” Nie Huaisang suggested. “Da-ge trusts him.”

“From what you said, I don't think your brother trusts anyone anymore,” Lan Xichen replied. “I cannot blame him for it.”

“He trusts his family,” Nie Huaisang claimed with a confidence that he was far from feeling.

He'd always known that his brother trusted him. They fought and argued and disagreed and bickered, but at the end of the day they trusted each other.

They used to trust each other.

Now Nie Mingjue saw enemies everywhere, and Nie Huaisang had been forbidden to leave the Unclean Realm. For his own safety, his brother had said. And maybe he'd meant it, or maybe he'd held suspicions of some sorts. One of his brothers had just tried to kill him after all, and there were many precedents in history concerning half-brothers scheming against one another for power. Not that Nie Huaisang had ever care for power much, but he couldn't be sure Nie Mingjue remembered that.

“Da-ge has always held his sect dearer than any other leader of a great sect,” Lan Xichen agreed with a fond smile. “And perhaps... Huaisang, are there any musically inclined people among your brother's disciples?”

“No. Some of my cousins play, but very poorly. I think out of everyone in the Unclean Realm, I'm the most talented musician, and that tell you everything you need to know.”

“It does,” Lan Xichen said with a tender expression that made Nie Huaisang feel they probably meant very different things.

“I'm a very poor at it,” Nie Huaisang insisted, opening a fan to hide behind.

“I've heard you say the same thing about painting,” Lan Xichen replied. “And about poetry. I've also heard you say countless time that you never get your way with anything, only to get everyone to do exactly as you like. I think you're not always the best judge of your own abilities, Huaisang.”

That was a very low blow, especially when Lan Xichen had the guts of smiling. A real smile, that was, not the empty expression he usually had when talking to people, and which made him look like a doll, pretty and sweet but ultimately dull.

“I didn't take you for a sweet talker, er-ge,” Nie Huaisang said.

“I don't take myself for one either. I haven't said anything I don't mean,” Lan Xichen insisted, before reaching out to take Nie Huaisang's hand in his.

Nie Huaisang's other hand tightened on his fan, his face burning in spite of the cold of night. Which wouldn't do at all. He was the one supposed to be seducing Lan Xichen into actually helping!

“Er-ge, I'm very glad you think so well of me, but I simply cannot...”

“Do you play the guqin?” Lan Xichen asked, and it was so rare for him to interrupt anyone that Nie Huaisang could only silently nod.

He felt a pang of regret when Lan Xichen let go of his hand. He was only missing the warmth, he told himself. Then he saw Lan Xichen produce a guqin from a qiankun pouch, and regret was soon replaced by panic.

“You're not serious,” Nie Huaisang gasped, watching as Lan Xichen carefully set the instrument on the smoothest patch of ground to be found in the clearing.

“I am very serious,” Lan Xichen replied after sitting down, making a gesture to invite Nie Huaisang to do the same. “You've said this place is isolated, and I need to hear you play to find out if you might be taught Cleansing.”

Nie Huaisang shivered at the name of that song, and glared at the guqin.

“Isn't that song a Lan secret?”

“I have previously obtained permission to teach it to an outsider to help with da-ge's poor health,” Lan Xichen said. “I believe I am still within the perimeter of what was granted to me.”

It surprised Nie Huaisang that Lan Xichen could twist the truth like that. In other circumstances, he might have been impressed. At the moment though, he was little inclined to think well of Lan Xichen.

“Considering what happened last time, I'm surprised you're sticking to that plan,” Nie Huaisang said, only to regret it when pain flashed on the other man's face.

“It would be different this time,” Lan Xichen replied, lowering his gaze, though he could not hide the slight trembling in his voice. “I know I misjudged A-Yao. Your brother was right, and I was wrong. But when it comes to you, da-ge and I have always been of a same mind. If I cannot trust you to save him, there isn't a person in the world I can trust.”

That might have been the nicest thing anyone had ever said about Nie Huaisang.

It might also be the most overestimated he'd ever been in his life. Because while he would very gladly do almost anything to save his brother, as long as if didn't involved getting dirty, or physical effort, or indeed efforts of any sort at all... well, the fact still remained that Nie Huaisang had no cultivation to speak of, no friends to rely on, and no useful skill of any sorts.

And yet knowing all this, Nie Huaisang still found himself sitting down on the dirt next to that damn guqin. He closed his fan, stretched his fingers, and tried to recall one of the few melodies he'd ever bothered to learn before he'd decided that music was too much work. It had been so long, though, and instead his mind provided him with the only piece of music that had been on his mind in recent weeks.

It took a dozen notes at most for Lan Xichen to realise what Nie Huaisang had chosen to play. He stiffened and went pale, but did not order Nie Huaisang to stop. On the contrary he listened attentively through the whole piece, though at one point Nie Huaisang must have made some great mistake because Lan Xichen frowned and couldn't refrain a grimace of distaste. It only lasted a short while though, after which his expression turned more neutral again until Nie Huaisang was done playing.

“As I've said, I have very little skill,” Nie Huaisang said, putting his hands on his knees. “You'll need another...”

“I assume you've never seen the score of Cleansing?” Lan Xichen asked.

“No. San-ge was always worried about me dirtying it. It made me real mad, too! I'm only a little clumsy!”

“So you just played it by ear?” Lan Xichen insisted. “I don't recall that I ever played it in your presence though.”

Nie Huaisang shook his head.

“I spied on them,” he confessed. “San-ge didn't want for me to hear him play it because he said it might have a bad effect on me, seeing as I didn't need it. But I was curious. And bored. And I don't like being told what to do.”

To his disappointment, Lan Xichen didn't smile at that little joke, and only grew more serious.

“And you played it exactly as he did?”

“As close to it as I can do with my skill. Do you... do think that was the wrong version of the song?”

“A whole passage is different,” Lan Xichen confirmed. “It's... Huaisang, are you well?”

Nie Huaisang shook his head. He felt like screaming, and he felt like crying.

That time he'd spied on Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue to hear Cleansing had been the very first time Jin Guangyao played the song alone for their brother. If Cleansing had already been altered back then, it meant...

Somehow, Nie Huaisang had convinced himself that the attempt on his brother's life had just been that one bad healing session. Nie Huaisang had been so fond of Jin Guangyao before this whole business, he hadn't wanted to imagine the other man could be cruel. Ruthless, yes, but he was a Jin after all so it was to be expected, and every sect engaged in a little murder here and there. But this hadn't just been murder. It had been torture. A healing song modified until it became painful to whoever heard it, until it drove them to madness, to no longer knowing friend from foe.

Suddenly, Nie Huaisang found himself a little more willing to believe some rumours he'd heard, about Jin Guangyao having served Wen Ruohan as the chief inventor of his torture playground. He'd always dismissed it as impossible, since Jin Guangyao was so sweet and soft spoken. But it took a certain kind of mind to do what Jin Guangyao had done to Nie Mingjue.

“I'm going to kill him,” Nie Huaisang hissed.

“I don't think da-ge would want for you to become a murderer,” Lan Xichen replied, ever practical and sensible.

He would have been right, once. Nie Mingjue wanted for his little brother to be stronger so he could protect himself, he'd never aimed to turn Nie Huaisang into a killer.

Now, though, nobody really knew what Nie Mingjue wanted, himself least of all.

“We'll see in time how to ensure those who harmed da-ge pay for what they've done,” Lan Xichen promised, leaning toward Nie Huaisang to put one hand on his shoulder. It felt comforting, more than it had any right to do. “For now, let's focus on healing da-ge,” Lan Xichen continued. “I was right to suspect you're a better musician than you said. I think you really can do this, with a little work. I'm going to leave that guqin with you so you can practice, and next time we meet I'll bring you the score for Cleansing so you may learn to play the true song. That will leave us only with the problem of how to get da-ge to listen to it but... I'm sure you'll find something. You've always been so good at getting him to do what you want.”

That was asking too much, Nie Huaisang thought. He was only himself. Even if he learned the score, his cultivation was too low, his brother's patience too thin. It would surely go very wrong, the way everything kept going wrong lately.

If it had been anyone else telling him he could save his brother, Nie Huaisang would have laughed to their face, or suspected them of manipulation. But Lan Xichen was the sort of person who would say nothing to avoid saying something he didn't believe in, or else he would quietly change the subject, or ask for another person's opinion, or...

Lan Xichen, as far as Nie Huaisang knew, just didn't lie.

Meaning he had to really think Nie Huaisang could do this. That he could master the guqin in just a few weeks, and also master a song that Lan Xichen himself has often described as particularly complex.

It was ridiculous, and Nie Huaisang was too realistic to have any faith in himself, but...

But perhaps it would be enough that Lan Xichen believed in him.

It made him want to make an effort to try, at least.