#theres been no evidence to the contrary!!

[stargazerdali]

vent post, read it if you want I guess but I am not very nice to myself

at the end of my mf rope rn and I gotta get it out. I have fucked up, in either large or small ways, every single thing I have done in the past month. Literally every single thing. We do not want to do things anymore because we haven't successfully done a thing since like. Mid June.

It would be one thing if it was like. New stuff. I can mostly handle being bad at something I've never done before. But we are fucking up at shit we do literally all the time.

I am One (1) more mistake from turning into the local wailing banshee in the woods.

[trashworldblog]

Welp folks, looks like we're in for a hell of a season of puppet history!

*Let's crack in*

the set is gorgeous this season. i always have loved the puppet history set and how it evolves season after season. the mismatched chairs are beautiful. i love the lion and beaver and little dinos. and eagle eyed viewers may notice the brick wall came from the old pod watcher set, and watcher tv folks might have noticed the scuba lamp fella is the light they made on weird wonderful world (thanks to @toomanywatchers for pointing that one out to me!) also the new theater!! its gorgeous!! the stars light up!!! its so pretty!! incredible craftsmanship!

now why is ryan holding a ... hose (?) ready to fight someone? maybe to melt a wicked witch of the west? kill a genie? kick some hologram ass again — water is good in a fight against electronics [unless the substitute is a pokemon] — either way its a little too soon to tell but i love to throw shit at the wall and see if it will stick like molasses so maybe he's fighting dorthy ruth's shady second husband.

PS aka Puppet Safety: what seems to be a shady organization that is responsible for or is dealing with the puppets in pergatory. im assuming they arent going to be great based on the poster that i will struggle to read later, but either way, their role next season is to deal with the mess of all those dead NOT DEAD puppets in hell Wondrium Arena PERGATORY. Theyre like OSHA. but puppets.

okay now i cant read all of that but what i can make out shivers my timbers. its obvious that shit is gonna go a little crazy if theres a department. but after carefully unravelling whats in this, you guys might go nuts.

after taking it into photoshop to try to enhance it, i got this. still pretty incomprehensible, especially on the right side. but im autistic and also a bitch so i wont take no for an answer. so i zoomed in and squinted and started reading anyways. and this is what i got.

The department of puppet safety (the department) hereby unequivocally disragards any and all responsibility, liability, or .....

to the words statements, or [representations?] made on the poster....

the phrase 'everything will be [fine?]' (... referred to as 'The Substitute') The Substitute is .....

and a not to be.... or a [tactical? factual?]

it is typically noted and dictated that contrary to the ..... of the [Substitute?]

the [Poster?] ('The [Reader? Riddler? Reactor?]') is herby informed that they are....

included but not limited to an immediate and painful vaporation....

shredded by a thousand lazers that simultaneously rips your.....

the aforementioned vaporation process is depicted to appear in the [readers?]....

'pergatory' However, The department makes no....

pergatory and any assumptions by the [Reader?] regarding....

evidence. In short, pergatory may or may exist and the Department cannot be held responsible for any...

uncertainty.

By choosing to meet or otherwise engage with the Substitute the [Reader?] acknowledges and accepts....

consequences that may arise, including but not limited to their imminent vaporation, the insuing agony...

or similar unknown [means? realms?]. The [Reader] further acknowledges that they are inherently....

adverse outcomes stemming from.... The [Reader] ... responsibility and not that of The Department.

The Department futher .... any duty of care ... duty or any other obligation to protect safeguard..... of the

[Reader]. The [Reader] is advised to

have any doubts or concerns regarding the potential ramifications.

In the event that any portion of the disclaimer a ......

..... [??? which shall remain in Lil bitch and effect. ????]

By continuing to meet, ..., or otherwise engage with the Substitute the [Reader].....

and ...... and acknowledges that they have been sufficiently...

Summary: The Department of Puppet Safety takes no responsibility for the consequences of ..... the [Substitute?]

[vaporization?] and..... [afterlife?]

the brackets are for the text mush i couldnt quite make out but could make out with context clues or letters.

Disclaimer: This is a poster from The Department. The Department is trying to cover up that pergatory even exists, so accusations and information from this poster should be taken with a grain of salt.

the substitute is gonna be a player next season! yay!!

I spent a long time trying to decipher what the "Reader" actually says but the image was too compressed to make anything out besides possibly a captial R, and the first time i read it I read it as reader, so we'll go with that for now. Now, who is this mysterious reader? why is he in contact with the Substitute? I believe this reader is the mystery puppet we saw in this tease from shane a few weeks ago.

we see the reader be buddy buddy with the professor. maybe they're friends from long ago, maybe they're family, maybe they've just met. either way, he plays the key role in helping or hurting the puppets that are trapped in pergatory.

Now, is he working with the Substitute? did he just meet with them? it seems that simply contacting the substitute could lead to vaporation, and if the reader wants to help free the trapped puppets from pergatory, the substitute would be the only other puppet (besides literal god and satan) that would have any information. So the Reader could be a good guy just looking to help out and looking for information.

or he is working with the Substitute by getting buddy buddy with the professor. He learns about dorthy ruth and how she is on a mission to get her stanly melvin back from pergatory. so he, as an evil scientist that may have created the substitute, slips her a horse brain pill so that she forgets everything, even her own name, as the song above suggests.

I do find it interesting how all of my information about the reader is coming from The Department, who is basically just using the reader as a scapegoat. if the department is supposed to keep puppets safe, why are they covering this up? why are they using vaporization death penalties? what is really going on here? why is my silly puppet show slowly turning into a massive lore dump with an overbearing government that is pumping out propaganda and using scapegoats? why am i having so much fun with it and so excited to start a puppet revolution? free your felt hands from your chains!

The more I dig, all im left with is more questions. I can not wait to see what is in store for us. This has been the most fun I've ever had digging for lore. I can't wait for this season !!!! It's going to be so insane and fun.

[transgenderer]

so theres this thing noticed in the 70s called pressure reversal of anesthesia, where if you knock an animal out with anaesthesia and then massively increase the pressure of their environment, they wake back up.

EXCEPT theres a 2021 paper which implies that maybe things are much weirder. heres the full abstract

Increasing ambient pressure has been suggested to reverse general anaesthesia and provides support for the 'lipid theory'. Anaesthetic dissolution into cell membranes is said to cause their expansion to a critical volume. This triggers a sequence of events as basis of a unitary theory of anaesthestic mechanism. Pressure is argued to restore membrane volume to below critical level, reversing this process. We wished to review the original literature to assess internal consistency within and across papers, and to consider if alternative interpretations were possible. A literature search yielded 31 relevant 'pressure reversal' papers for narrative review, and 8 papers that allowed us to re-plot original data more consistently as 'dose-response' curves for the anaesthetics examined. Original studies were heterogenous for end-points, pressure ranges, species, and agents. Pressure effects were inconsistent, with narcosis at certain pressures and excitation at others, influenced by carrier gas (e.g., nitrogen vs helium). Pressure reversal (a right- or downward-shift on the re-plotted dose-response curves) was evident, but only in some species and at certain pressures and anaesthetic concentrations. However, even more striking was a novel 'awakening' effect of anaesthetics: i.e., anaesthetics reversed the narcotic effect of pressure, but this was limited to certain pressures at generally low anaesthetic concentrations. Contrary to the established view, 'pressure reversal' is not a universal phenomenon. The awakening effect of anaesthetics - described here for the first time - has equal evidence to support it, within the same literature, and is something that cannot be fully explained. Pressure cannot meaningfully be used to gain insight into anaesthetic mechanisms because of its heterogenous, non-specific and unpredictable effects on biological systems.

i think BASICALLY their point is we know pressure+anesthetic=awake but pressure and anaesthesia indivudallu both =sleep. so you could think of it as anaesthesia reversing pressure instead. however the more interesting point imo is that this effect is inconsistent by species and pressure? which is suspicious. but i dont think pressure reversal can just like...not exist. the animal is awake or it isnt. so. whats going on there. neurology man

[trickstarbrave]

hang on i gotta be insane for a second

"The Void Ghost said: 'Stay with me a full hundred years and I will give you a power that no divinity will dare disobey.' But before the hundred years was up, Vivec was already looking for Lie Rock and found him.'Stupid stone,' Vivec said. 'To hide in the Scaled Blanket is to make a mark on nothing. His bargains are only for ruling kings!'"

"The ruling king is armored head to toe in brilliant flame. He is redeemed by each act he undertakes. His death is only a diagram back to the waking world. He sleeps the second way. The Sharmat is his double, and therefore you wonder if you rule nothing. Hortator and Sharmat, one and one, eleven, an inelegant number. Which of the ones is the more important? Could you ever tell if they switched places? I can and that is why you will need me."

"By chance, Nerevar met the Void Ghost first, who told him that he was in the wrong place to which the Hortator said, 'Me or you?' and the Void Ghost said both. This sermon does not tell what else was said between these masters."

these are three different things from the 36 sermons

so we're clear allow me to explain some things: "ruling king" here refers to someone who has achieved apotheosis. the amaranth, the new man, a bit vague on it, but whatever you want to call it. a man who is redeemed with every action he takes, who is freed from both fear and desire and uncertainty.

the void ghost meanwhile is lorkhan, the one who made this world precisely to make such a being through trial and hardship.

and lastly, vivec says the ruling king has the sharmat as his double before immediately describing the hortator (nerevar) and sharmat as doubles. nerevar isnt a ruling king as far as we know in lore. if he was he probably wouldnt have rly died the first go around.

i believe vivec intends for nerevar to become a ruling king. but i am curious then if lorkhan made the same deal to nerevar. or if he had attempted to just delay baar dau (the lie rock who in this story is sentient and one of vivec's children) by trickery. vivec doesnt elaborate, but he seems content with their discussion as he deals with baar dau (and uses it as a threat)

theres more stuff too i havent been able to put into coherent words. in the 36 sermons and what my beloved taught me both say nerevar's hands have the ghartoki on them. GHARTOK PADHOME to be exact. in the sermons it also describes them as a curse. the translation is roughly weapon+hand of padomy/change. ghartok can be translated as the hand you use for a weapon or hands that are weapons. it could just be an auspicious mark that marks him as a hero, but i am reminded of the accounts of mephala's black hands.

to quote the new whirling school on it

To become a Ruling King, you must blacken your hands by becoming intimate with both Theory and Terror. Logic and Hysteria, two chiral opposites. Desire disappears in the hands of a Theorist, and fear does not exist in the hands of a Terrorist. You become clear of mind and devoid of fear. […] Facing down the Godhead requires incredible bravery because God is armored head to toe in terror. Simply being in its soul-nullifying presence is terrifying, and commanding all the Terror in the world will not aid you. Neither will Theory, for CHIM is a form of self-delusion. You are insisting that you exist despite inarguable evidence to the contrary, and this requires an argument made with a complete lack of reason

but i might be stretching it here

[kind-of-a-shitty-wizard]

hiii i got a little insane over haskills characterization in the other elder scrolls games / material. teehee rambling abt these ^ quotes under the cut (long). also im not that serious abt any of this tbh im just glad haskill appeared in any other elder scrolls material at all LOL

OKAY. okay. about these quotes. idk why other TES media does this, but in these quotes from elder scrolls legends + the interview with haskill it seems like the writers are pushing to give the impression that haskill slightly resents or is even indifferent to his position / the isles / sheogorath ?? (unless haskill is being a little bit more flippant or hyperbolic than usual...?) which is characterization that is NOT what i got from playing oblivion at all skdskdjfn

like... when i played oblivion i thought it was very clear that haskill prefers to be in the isles, serving sheogorath, more than anywhere else. (<- i think this is actually the reason he's technically "mad" even tho he seems sane outwardly. if you enjoy being among madmen it probably means you're mad yourself ykwim). i think haskill does like the isles, his ass is just reserved abt it, like he is about everything... yknow just like jeeves, whose character he's been compared to lmao:)

i think unfortunately some writers take his annoyance with the player and his slight second thoughts about sheogorath's plan in oblivion, and mistakenly assume that he's just annoyed at his whole position. haskill does have his moments of exasperation, but the thing is it's usually only exasperation and it never verges into anger or bitterness or resentment like the top quotes seem to indicate. for example, haskill says this abt his idea of you mantling sheo / the clowns debacle:

^ This quote is a good reference point for haskill's view on sheo bc its pretty much the most critical-of-sheogorath quote from oblivion i can recall, and it tells us a lot of things. in this quote he expresses some exasperation about the clown idea (because he's a prissy bitch who doesn't want to get his outfit dirty /affectionate) and shows some apprehension about one of his lord's ideas (because it involves you, and haskill doesnt like you). but these 2 points he has beef with aren't really reflective of sheo himself but of other issues - ie he doesn't directly question sheogorath. and IN THE END Haskill defers to sheo's judgement because haskill trusts him and values sheo's ideas. in all of his oblivion dialogue, this is the most critical toward sheogorath he gets, and he never outright insults or shows resentment toward him or the isles like in the above quotes bc his loyalty to sheogorath eclipses it

on the contrary (and i dont know why the writers for non-oblivion elder scrolls content dont seem to see this??), theres so much evidence that haskill actually does, you know,,, enjoy being in the isles. here are just some snippets i can think of:

"the isles are hardly a place for anyone, really" <- i BEG to differ, Haskill likes it here, he likes listening to prisoners being tortured in xedillian, he likes wearing his ridiculous frilly high collar outfit emblematic of the fashions of the isles, he doesn't care about morality and it suits him just fine that it doesn't matter here!! (the end quote might be him being a little facetious about relmyna but to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he thought decency and morality WERE provincial notions because he certainly has no problem killing people lmao). and again, to enjoy doing these things / being around madmen probably says something abt haskill being mad himself. lol

not to mention he likes a bit of joking around. which i imagine sheo does a whole lot. when YOU rib him a little he says this:

his derision in the first bit i think indicates, "i cant believe you would joke around at a time like this," and the upturning of the "very good" i think indicates, "it was a good joke / maybe they could mantle sheo after all". he's not all dour - he appreciates a good joke, especially from (someone who's about to become) his Lord!!

and going a little deeper into haskill actually liking the isles... haskill clearly holds what sheogorath and the isles represent (chaos, free will, individuality) very highly. a good example of this is when you ask him about dyus, and he gives this snarky reply:

^ he says this with such VITRIOL its so funny :p and the amount of disdain in this line indicates (to me) a real conviction in his belief in the free will, chaos etc that sheogorath represents.

this is why i dont think this quote makes sense. "i cant remember why i put up with [sheogorath]" <- haskill wouldnt say this bc he understands fully why he puts up w sheogorath, and his own convictions in sheo that lead him to keep doing it, and even if this quote is him being hyperbolic, i dont think he'd joke about his faith in sheogorath like that because, yk, one of his characteristics is that he's extremely loyal, and moreover he never said anything to this effect in oblivion sdkjskdjs

him having a strong belief in what sheogorath / the isles represent is also evidenced by the language haskill uses when talking about sheo. whenever haskill mentions him, there is an element of poetry and respect to his words that shows that haskill thinks about him highly at the very least:

^ haskill constantly stresses sheogorath's intrinsic unknowableness and power and unique wisdom in a way that feels very respectful. saying "to attempt to fathom [sheogorath's will] is a foolish endeavor" shows that he knows there are unexplainable aspects to sheogorath that he takes note of, respects, and knowingly keeps his distance from... he gets sheogorath and reveres him (at least more than most others or the HoK). in these quotes especially, it feels a bit like hes trying to illustrate how impressive sheogorath is to the HoK, hyping up his boyfriend if you would. who said that. and combined with this respect is (i believe!!!!) a deep care. he is invested in the isles and sheo and wants to help them out of more than just duty. he gets fearful and even loses his composure at some points in the story when sheo/the isles are threatened which i think indicates that he deeply cares for them both!!:

i think this is a care that, combined with the respect he has for sheo, makes it really unlikely for him to get more than exasperated with his behavior and verge into resentfulness. i dont think anyone truly understands sheogorath, not even haskill, but haskill respects sheo as a god, and also gets him in a more familiar/personal way i think - like the way that a cat owner loves their cat but gets exasperated with it when it gets its head stuck in a tissue box. he doesn't angry or anything because he understands that it's the cat's nature to get stuck in the tissue box / sheo's nature to be wild and unpredictable and messy. (the difference being that sheogorath is an all-powerful god cat..... do u see my vision???)

anyway this got crazy long JHDSHFSD... to finish i wanted to look at this extra bit of characterization i found that was wild to me:

^ like. i truly dont get where they got THIS characterization LMAO sheo constantly calls haskill faithful and smart and knowledgeable in oblivion, he practically begs you to summon haskill for help, hyping up his boyfriend so to speak, they care for each other your honor so of COURSE sheo trusts haskill to do his job. what are the legends writers doing in there!!

ANYWAY dear god this got long im going to bed <3

[jar-of-galaxies]

main character syndrome

im waiting in jury duty and ill probably be here for a while so i want to talk about something ive been thinking about. this might be long sorry

you probably see people all the time that act irrationally because they believe theyre different from everyone else. i think it was the voyager submersible collapse that initially brought this to my mind. disregarding the billionaire/millionaire status of the people who took part in that, they did what they did despite everyone-- LITERALLY everyone-- was telling them it was unsafe and they would die. and yet they believed they were safe, so far as to risk AND LOSE their lives doing it, all because... why? "rip to you but im different"?

ive heard this phenomenon referred to as "main character syndrome" in the past. the phenomenon for people to think contrary to everyone else because theyre the only people that know right. theyre the only one with perfect information about the situation. theyre the main character of their own life, so everyones opinions are secondary to them.

its philosophically sound, to be fair. without any proof, like, how can we verify anyone elses existence but our own? you, the person reading this-- there is no proof im """real.""" theres evidence-- i wrote the post youre reading right now-- but nothing about this intrinsically proves im real. or, yknow, """real.""" we could have a whole discussion on the definition of that word but thats not the point.

what im saying is, i think theres a line of logic that a lot of people follow that i believe to be erroneous, and thats where main character syndrome manifests itself. someone will think "im the only person that exists-- that i KNOW exists," and so they think "im the only person that can truly understand anything" or "im the only person that can be truly 'correct.'" they know they can be wrong or irrational about things, mind, but if they really believe in something... like, REALLY believe... no one else can possibly shake them out of that belief.

do you see where im going? this is the big realization that ive made recently, something that i think has made big waves in my journey through depression and anxiety. if you take one thing from this post i want it to be this:

main character syndrome can be a significant part of depression and anxiety just as much as it can be a part of overconfidence and foolhardiness.

one thing i often told myself when i was really suffering through depression was "i deserve all these bad things because i am me, and no one else is me." people can SAY im deserving of love, respect, and dignity, but they dont see the parts of me. surely, i said, if they could see the FULL picture, see me for how i see myself, then they would finally agree with me, and i would be at peace. fun fact babes-- thats fuckin main character syndrome!

i think that the force that led the people on the voyager submersible to their deaths is the EXACT same force that leads people to believe theyre irredeemable and worthless.

do i have proof of this? like, no, obviously, lol. but this thought has led me on a road of progress, i think. now when faced with an adversity or a situation that i have anxiety about, i ask myself "what if im wrong?" its not big stuff, mind, but ive become a lot more adventurous and willing to try stuff than i was a month ago simply by asking this question.

theres no moral to this story. but i dont think anyone is immune to main character syndrome anymore. i think its just a fact of life. having to balance the perceptions of yourself as The Only Person and yourself as the Part of the Whole. maybe asking the above question to yourself more often is an option? i dunno, im not a cop.

but just like, take care of yourself. take care of yourself as you would another person. you have no reason not to.

[future-dregs]

Forgive me if I'm wrong, I very well could be I've only seen '74, but the family only got into the human meat business after the local slaughterhouse which had supported their family for generations closed, right?

And then their ghouls behavior comes from being surrounded by that, by the moral deviation of killing and eating another human being.

Like, when they stop at the gas station, the guy there doesn't try to send them on up to his house, he doesn't try to trick them or get them in some, rather he wants them to stay away, as far away as possible. He sells them some (human) barbecue, and then really really wants them to just go away.

Nubbins doesn't try to hurt them immediately. He gets pissed off and upset when his attempts to make friends (playing slashknife isnt the best way) just ends up creeping everybody else out and getting thrown out of the van. (He may or may not have been trying to lure them to his house. He does try to invite them, but its unclear if its for nefarious means or if he does just genuinely want to have some guests over).

And Leatherface doesn't hurt anyone until they bust in on him and "invade" his home, which, as we see, he feels very strongly about and about making a "homey" atmosphere (or at least what passes for one at this point. Taxiderming Grandma and putting a dried out piglet between her a Grandpa like a small pet dog, the bone couch, the lampshades, ect. Of course, these are all fucked up home furnishings, but the attempt to emulate a safe and pleasant environment is there, the house is even nicely painted with good screens. It's just that their actions have warped them so much at this point).

So anyway, the kills aren't exactly made for the pure sport of it. Theres pride and satisfaction in a good job done, the family secret kept safe, and a sideways creative endeavor with the remains. But it is more their circumstance that sent them in this desperate and bankrupt direction, rather than natural inclinations. They reassure Sally over and over again that it won't hurt, it won't hurt, they dont want to hurt her, even as they're trying to give Grandpa some enrichment by letting him kill her (and tbh hes so far old and gone at this point does he even know that she's human? Or has his mind turned her into one of the animals he used to kill with skill as a working man?)

Idk. They just fascinate me. Because, despite seeming evidence to the contrary, and the fact they definitely aren't interacting with the world in normal, allowable way, they aren't thrill killers, like so many slashers are. And thrill killers are fun, I love slashers I'm not dissing them, but the nuance presented here was unexpected and interesting.

[sunieepo]

one of my biggest pet peeves with the bloodborne fanbase (from reading fics, mostly) is that everyone assumes that gender roles in yharnam were the same as gender roles in irl victorian england

...but this is textually not true. yes bloodborne is heavily inspired by victorian england but it's definitely not exactly the same. for starters, obviously, yharnamites worship eldritch gods which isn't at all in line with the cultural values informed by following christianity (i dont think i need to elaborate on what i mean by this)

the most obvious low hanging fruit example is vicar amelia, who is laurence's successor and current head of the healing church... and a woman, something that would never be allowed in victorian england era christianity (and honestly isnt even allowed today in many denominations)

the other which is slightly more obscure but even more valuable is that yharnamites are, in-canon, heavily inspired by the culture of the pthumerians. whether yharnam was literally built in the name of pthumerian queen yharnam or if it was simply named after her later is unclear, but the yharnamites evidently hold pthumerian society in high regard. and the pthumerians were almost certainly a matriarchy (female rulers, and only women were embalmed in coffins). i think of pthumerian to yharnam the way one might think of what rome was to the european countries later influenced by it.

other little things are:

the existence of gratia: an old hunter who was a woman renowned for her physical prowess. not very "womanly", yet clearly exalted by the church; item description refers to her as heroic

clothing details: most clothing items have very little differences between male and female hunters. most notable that does off the top of my head is that the church set for women has stiletto heels, which i think falls in line with my belief that most women of the church were blood saints. nevertheless, you do fight a pair of female church hunters in the dlc who seem to have no issue kicking your ass in said heels. this could be said to be due to game dev laziness, but importantly there are sets that Do have gender differences (like the cainhurst set...)

cainhurst: cainhurst is commonly pointed out by fans as the "odd one out" for its matriarchal vibes, so people assume yharnam must not have been. i agree, but that still doesnt mean yharnam had the same gender roles as the ones we have irl. in fact if anything, theres a distinct lack of emphasis placed on gender in cainhurst item descriptions or even alfred's hateful ramblings; although we assign misogynist intent to him, pointedly what he (and item descriptions) take most issue with isnt the #feminism, but rather cainhurst's obsession with nostalgia and bombast.

this isnt to say that yharnam had No gender roles. it did. just Different ones. (and im not saying it was a matriarchy either btw.) the existence of blood saints indicates that women likely were relegated to religious roles in yharnam. women who could not become blood saints probably became hunters of the church. characters like yurie also show that amelia wasnt an isolated case; women also comprised some amount of choir members as well, indicating that they likely regularly held high positions within the church hierarchy. additionally, lady maria being one of the byrgenwerth scholars indicates that women were allowed as students alongside their male peers, even if they may have been less common. all of these things are markedly different from how victorian gender dynamics were.

its just a bummer because i actually think the gender dynamics of bloodborne are super unique and interesting and are way more nuanced than a simple "women and men swap roles" type thing. but then all these fans who claim to be bloodborne loreheads just supplant irl victorian england gender roles into yharnam and call it a day when that is like... at best lazy/uninspired and at worst directly contrary to canon.

i rly mean no hate ofc (ive even enjoyed reading fics that include such things, even if i disagree with them heavily) and im happy to discuss these thoughts further, i just want to draw attention to smth about the bloodborne lore that i think is sadly overlooked because, when it comes to bloodborne and its feminine themes, ppl get much more caught up on the more overt pregnancy symbolism (which is understandable, but doesnt exist in isolation of the above). i have a lot more to say on this topic but this post is already getting long enough so ill just stop there lol

[notthestarwar]

your recent boba and jango posts have me thinking about how in "legacy of the force," boba repeatedly condemns himself for not loving mirta, his own granddaughter, despite clear evidence to the contrary. i was always like "lol idiot can't even reliably interpret his own emotions" but now i'm thinking about it and like... so much of the way he cares about mirta is wanting desperately for her to be safe, happy, and free from his own tainted legacy. what if boba knows damn well that he feels all of this, but because his definition of paternal love comes from jango, whose love for him was defined by an exacting desire for his son to be a perfectly groomed carrier of his own legacy (ultimately at the EXPENSE of boba's safety, happiness, and freedom), that now boba can't even recognize his own feelings as love? and then he feels like he's failed his father by not being as "loving" as he was. when the cycle is one of the few things you have left of your father, breaking it feels like betrayal...

omg i've been so excited to log on and answer this all day lol

ok so. yes thats exactly what I think it is. Jango didn't GET love, he didn't understand it because of what happened to him as a child, and Boba inherited this, only, its way way worse in Boba.

For Jango, he struggles to understand how to show love because he associates it with loss and fear and violence. He might have once known familial love but by the time he has Boba all those memories have been tainted by what came after. But he does have something of a foundation that would allow him to understand how to show it and untangle it from all his mixed up feelings about the rest of it. If he worked for it, he could get there without much of a problem, tho of course he never would have because he's Jango so theres all that denial and refusal to admit he might be wrong.

But when it comes to Boba? His idea of love isnt tangled up in anything after the fact, his entire foundation is rotten thanks to the generational trauma he inherrited from Jango and his absolutely bizzare upbringing with 0 role models to show him an alternative.

You don't need to understand love to be able to love. 'wanting desperately for her to be safe, happy, and free from his own tainted legacy.' this? is a natural human expression of love. but of course boba doesn't see that! when unhealthy attatchement is your baseline, loving someone enough to want them to be free, probably feels like you dont care about them enough.

Where Boba is at, isnt a place thats impossible to heal and grow from, tho he'd have a much harder job of it than jango would, thanks to his early foundation giving him such weird ideas and him never being exposed to anything else in later life (OF COURSE jango's behaviour towards boba is a huge part of this but, i also cant stop thinking about the influence of growing up around the clones would have? seeing them brought up in a way that was totally void of love. seeing how jango acted towards them in spite of them being from him, being the same genetically as Boba. in spite of them being children. like. god. Boba has SUCH a weird frame of reference here and then the life he lives later on doesnt really expose him to anything that would correct his distortions of thought (not that he ever would have let it))

because this is the second part. and youve hit it on your head here. its all about betraying jango. boba can not admit that jango made mistakes, and that boba has something he needs to heal from BECAUSE of jango, because to do so would be a betrayal of his father. his dead father, that boba lost before he got to the age where you see that your parents arent perfect and that they make mistakes. boba undoubtedly puts jango on a pedalstal, he idolises him and is forgiving of things that i really really dont think he would be, had jango survived.

i've played with this idea before of… what would boba's relationship with jango be if jango had survived? i think theres a very high possiblity that there would be a breaking point where all of a sudden he did begin to see that jango isnt always right. that jango had made mistakes. and maybe, to begin to question what this 'legacy' jango wants him to carry really is.

the truth is, boba's determination to do right by his dad, to carry this legacy. to be a bounty hunter and to do what he thinks his dad would have done. using jangos words to introduce himself. its largely thanks to the fact that Boba KNOWS that jango wanted him to carry jangos legacy, he has always known that, but what he doesnt really know is what exactly jangos legacy involves. jango wasnt honest with him. didnt give him all the details. boba wasnt old enough to ask for the reasons WHY, to read between the lines. he doesnt know what motivated jango. he doesnt know what jango wanted out of life, what jango considered to be his legacy, as the last of the fetts. all boba really knows is empty words told to a child. jango made a lot of declarations about his way being the right way, but he never actually explained, there was never any substance to it. Would he have? had he had time? maybe. but boba wasnt old enought to be told in the time they had.

boba cant admit that what he feels for Mirta is love because if he does that, he has to admit that its something jango could have felt towards boba himself, and yet he didnt. its to admit that boba missed out on something, thanks to jango. boba sees Mirta as a person, jango saw boba as a tool. To admit that he is doing right by her with these feelings, would lead to some uncomfortable questions. he would have to accept that jango did not do right by him, and how can boba do that? not at this kind of level. its one thing admitting your parent made mistakes (and thats hard enough) but to admit that your parent didnt love you right? didnt love you in a way you deserved? that there was a different way and they didnt take it? how could boba do that?

jango died his hero, and so jango always will be his hero. to do things differently to jango, to admit that jangos way isnt the best way? that is to betray his dead father, who he loves. Bobas greatest love will always be for this idea of who jango was, before he was taken from him. bobas idea of jango isnt based on facts, the adoration of a child who idolised his father and then lost him, far too early. he was left alone in the galaxy, so to him, jango will always be who jango might have been. the built up idea of a man who never was, based on childish memory, stretched out in to- what if he'd lived? and continued to be that forerver. its a fantasy. and any admission that jango wasnt a good father, wasnt the kind of father figure jango himself would want to be, could bring that fantasy crashing down.

i have lots of thoughts on this lol thank you so much for sending this!!!! i absolutely adore your takes and theyve really helped shape how i see jango

:green_heart: :green_heart: :green_heart::green_heart: :green_heart: :green_heart::green_heart: :green_heart: :green_heart::green_heart: :green_heart: :green_heart:

[princess-of-the-corner]

honestly the thing about chameleon tho is... marinette IS acting like this bc shes jealous. sure shes not ever gonna be a huge fan of someone lying all over the fucking place but do you really think she'd have given as much of a fuck if lila had latched onto like. nathaniel. shed be like 'wow this girl is lying for attention. about me, ladybug, even. that sucks i dont like her. oh well theres nothing i can do because i have no reason to be insane about this'

Yeah it's.

i'd bet that if Lila hadn't been interested in Adrien, Marinette's reaction to Lila lying would've been the same as Adrien's: Assuming she's the lonely new kid trying to make fast friends through lies, and encouraging her to just tell the truth!

Instead she decides that Lila must be an awful person! And assumes everything is a lie even with evidence to the contrary (How she was able to miss so much school, the fact that the school accommodates her disability claims, etc.)

[speargifted]

//i meant to write this this morning but--

The process of Sleipnir resurrection !

First off I'll explain again that no matter how many Sleipnir bodies there are active, there is only one real Sleipnir. He has one consciousness and his copies are not a hivemind and he cannot bodyhop between them. If a Sleipnir copy dies, it does not affect him in any notable way (sleipnir copies exist only for additional bodies in combat and if Barnabas needs to prime when real Sleipnir isn't around)

So you have your Real Sleipnir and you manage to kill him - good job, thats very hard to do. Unlike the Sleipnir copies that dissolve quickly, you have a corpse on your hands! It won't linger forever but it definitely takes a few days for it to turn to nothing, and then there's no trace of it

After real Sleipnir dies - he is recreated elsewhere. There is an undefined radius around Barnabas he might appear in; usually close by. This is not a conscious effort by Barnabas and will happen unless Barnabas specifically did not allow it (Barnabas can absolutely tell when Sleipnir has died).

For at least a few days, this Sleipnir has zero personality and zero sense of self. He follows a few instinctual protocols, but is not a person. During those days he regains his memories of his life slowly, and after some time he is able to act like true Sleipnir in small bursts (to keep up the façade of being a human, and to complete more complex tasks) but he still remains without will.

This blank Sleipnir is nearly identical to a Sleipnir copy, but will still be physically stronger than them.

His will is regained over the course of a few weeks, upwards to a few months (if he is killed during this regenerative process it sets the whole thing back quite a bit). It is a slow process and not a sudden moment of regained consciousness. Across this time he can be spacy or confused; liable to act a little bit more like his younger self. He also tends not to engage in the more human activities that he is fond of, and will attempt to avoid combat instinctively.

Soon enough you will have your Sleipnir back, good as new. Any physical damage he had sustained between his last death and this one has been reverted, and his hair is back to its baseline length. He has been factor reset to his default physical state (unless you are benji's barnabas and then theres something worse going on). Please repierce his ears, he likes to be pretty.

Despite all evidence to the contrary; Sleipnir hates dying and he particularly hates this process. Please do take care not to let him die again. :)

[wintersettled]

i am once again thinking about the hilichurl rogue :(

the first time i fought it was actually yesterday after climbing a mountain in fontaine cause i wanted to see what it was and the drops really reminded me of neanderthal flower burials + how both neanderthals and hilichurls are/have been seen as primitive beings despite tons of evidence to the contrary (ignoring what we know about khaenri'ah since the curse of the wild seems to cause them to be catatonic for a period of time).

theres tons of literature on how neanderthals actually appear to be similar to homo sapiens and have higher mental functioning as evidenced through their tools, their presumed social structures (taking care of injured/disabled neanderthals rather than abandoning them as would be thought of beings focused only on survival), but most notably for this the evidence of "flower burials" at Shanidar.

Basically, two neanderthals were found buried in primarily medicinal flowers (indicating their possible role in their group). I believe there were 11(?) other neanderthals found there who appeared to have been crushed by rockfall whos ages (if my memory is correct) were from around 7 to mid 40s. The reason i bring this up is because of one of the flowers found at Shanidar: Achillea/Yarrows. I find these flowers to be fairly similar in appearance of the petals (excluding size) to the hilichurl rogues drops

Now, each drops description:

A Flower Yet to Bloom "a wildflower that a hilichurl rogue treasured. it was plucked before it could bloom. the hilichurl takes nothing with it in its sojourn across the wilderness save this flower."

Treasured Flower "a wild flower that a hilichurl picked bereft of any special qualities. flowers can be used as gifts or offerings to express ones feelings in many cultures"

for this description in specific i would actually like to quote Ralph S Solecki's "The Implications of the Shanidar Cave Neanderthal Flower Burial"

"Under normal circumstances, today, in many cultures, flowers and death go together, as one can see a funeral corteges and burials. The association of flowers as tokens of esteem, respect, or for the joy of looking at [...]. According to the Encyclopaedia Britannica, 'the flower has been a universal symbol of beauty in the civilizations of the world. Confucius included its cultivation among the arts that were essential to a man of culture.' We pride ourselves thinking that we know a lot about Neanderthal man, but the association of flowers with Neanderthals adds a whole new dimension to our knowledge of him, and his humanistic nature."

Wanderer's Blooming Flower "a blooming wild flower that a hilichurl rogue treasured, bereft of any special qualities. the eternal outlander asks not for reward, but only to see their deeds come to fruition"

TLDR (abstract lol); hilichurl rogue drops remind me of the neanderthal flower burials found at shanidar

below the cutoff are some sources if you want to do further reading on neanderthals

(im not an anthropologist or even studying it btw but here are some articles on neanderthals i used for a bibliography on neanderthal spirituality in an anth class last winter in case you want to read up on it, theyre formatted in SAA kinda)

Appenzeller, Tim

     2013    Neanderthal Culture: Old Masters. Nature 497:302-304. 

Hochadel, Oliver

     2020    The Flower People of Shanidar: Telling a New Tale of Neanderthal Brothers. In 

Narratives and Comparisons, edited by Martin Carrier, Rebecca Mertens, and Carsen Reinhardt, pp. 99-122. Bielefeld University Press, Bielefeld. https://doi.org/10.14361/9783839454152-005

Mitchell, Mary Shirley

    2021   Geoarchaeological Methods and the Intentionality of Neanderthal Burial. Furthering

Perspectives 11:29-41. https://mountainscholar.org/bitstream/handle/10217/233626/JOUF_FurtheringPerspectives_vol10.pdf?sequence=1#page=29

Morris-Kay, Gillian M. 

    2010    The Evolution of Human Artistic Creativity. Journal of Anatomy 216:158-176. 

Pomeroy, Emma, Paul Bennett, Chris O. Hunt, Tim Reynolds, Lucy Farr, and Marine Frouin

    2020      New Neanderthal Remains Associated with the ‘Flower Burial’ at Shanidar

Cave. Antiquity 94:11-26. http://dx.doi.org/10.15184/aqy.2019.207

[z1mmie]

Just finished Wednesday and I have so many thoughts--especially about our love interest boys--so I'm just gonna blab them all here:

(Spoilers!!)

I guess I'll just start with how frustrating I find xavier's character. Not from a writing standpoint--his charactization works perfectly for a teenage boy with a crush--but just how unable he was to understand Wednesday. That girl never said she was gonna be his friend and he KNEW she suspected him of being the monster

But he does NOTHING to change her mind!!!

I mean, correct me if I'm misremembering but all he did was get pissy and butthurt when she accused him and didn't give her any evidence to the contrary. She's only known you for what--a month? Maybe? How is she supposed to know what you're capable of??!

He just cant see stuff from her pov and it drives me crazy.

And now on top our actual monster tyler!

I got spoiled for this before I watched the whole show but I...am still hesitant to think that hes a full bad guy in this situation. The whole master-pawn situation leaves a lot of wiggle room when it comes to actual blame. And I wanna say that tyler is entirely faultless and never wanted to commit those murders.

Now the biggest evidence to the contrary is what he told Wednesday in the police station, but as someone else already pointed out--we don't know to what extent the master has control. Watching the scene closely I almost feel like theres a moment afterward where he snaps back after--like he was *ordered* to say that so Wednesday would lose faith in him.

However I have trouble coming up with *why* laurel would want him to do this. The only thing I can think of that she gains is that she prevents Wednesday from trying to split their connection or reach out to tyler specifically.

(As an aside I genuinely think that he liked her and that she liked him--i saw chemistry there! (tho I'd understand if he lost feelings considering she tortured him))

I just want to know more about the hyde situation and how it works in general and I'm hoping we will learn more considering one of the ending scenes in the finale.

Considering its direct connection to mental health, a further explanation could go really really poorly. We dont need anymore vilifying of bipolar disorder or traumatic stress, which is why I'm more inclined to believing that tyler is innocent of intention (relatively speaking).

But overall I really liked the show! I know theres been a lot of complaints about the Addams family portrayal and how it's not accurate and i can't say much on that since I never watched the originals. However, new adaptations will always have changes and as someone looking at this with almost no prior knowledge (I've watched the Addams family broadway musical) I think it achieved what it wanted to do. Wednesday was a fascinating protagonist, the story was interesting, and they introduced us to a new world that they can now further expand in s2. No complaints.

(I am hoping for more mooning for Wednesday tho because I think it's very amusing when she shows almost no interest in return (excluding tyler))

(I just wrote more in the last half hour for a damn tumblr post then I did for the 3 project I have due before Monday >w<)

[cleromancy]

i really hate that jason telling dick he killed tim was in bftc bc that could have been so good but instead it was bftc

extended bitching under the cut 🤪

wait actually FIRST OF ALL i just want to say that if jason genuinely believed he straight up killed tim with a single rusty old batarang that broke in a really unfortunate way that would be so funny. like oh my god bruce did you replace me with a child made of actual GLASS?

anyway lmao. like. obviously i reject the entire premise of bftc and the execution of literally everything was so completely borked but its so annoying that there are these seeds of ideas i really *like* like dick lying about what was in bruces will and bruces message for jason being so awful and triggering that jasons just like OKAY NAUGHTY CITIZENS ITS MURDER TIME and ckfkcilfkcpckc honestly tim hitting jason with a crowbar........... theres a lot of fucking potential!!

but first of all dick purposely triggering jason wjth bruces farewell message a *second time* and then after jason falls seemingly to his death being like why didnt jason take my hand 😢 why the fuck do you think Richard. (sorry dick i dont actually blame you for the choices you made when fucking tony daniel was writing you)

bc like dick reaching out offering jason a hand in a way that jason would be unable to accept would have been good too except like actually i wouldn't fucking take dicks hand either in that moment

anyway like the tim thing made no sense and also *if* you want me to believe bruce trained tim to have a physiological rxn that makes him flatline in order to appear dead in response to certain physical stimuli. like *if* you want me to go along with that. Jason would fucking know about it (and for that matter so would dick) and also that pokes a hole in the concept bc if dick knew that bruce had repeatedly made Tim flatline to train his body to automatically do it i think bruce would have died a long fucking time ago. or dick would have done SOMETHING to put a stop to it imo bc that crosses a very clear line

but i just wish it had been like. yeah jasons lying to dick and dick simultaneously does and doesnt believe him instead of the bullshit that happened bc [character rant redacted i dont feel like typing it right this minute]it could have been like so tragic and good bc it would be like. 1) obviously mirroring the joker doing the same thing b4 dick beat him to death and 2) a really tragic thing from jason to fucking lie to dick, who has no evidence to the contrary, bc he wants dick to not believe him

and its like thats why i want jason to reject dicks hand yk. bc he self sabotaged and now he thinks dicks lying about thinking he has the potential to be better or whatever. and instead it reads like dick purposely aired out bruce calling him a failure & broken and going on and on about how giving jason the best years of his life was a *mistake*

anyway im bored of complaining now (for the moment) so ill stop but god damn i really just wish his comic were good instead of bad

wait one final note. like i said earlier i reject the entire premise of bftc bc by necessity it ends with dick in the cowl and cass isnt even there. and well if cass *was* there why the F<UCK would dick get the cowl ykwim... that said i do think like if the comic had made a point that damian needs robin and cass is not in a position to be batman *to* him that could feasibly lead to cass being like "ok 👍 i dont want to look at you anymore tho so I'm going to travel around the world for a few years" (/months in universe). but obviously that is not fjckkng in the comic. also alfred giving damian the suit was so bogus I'm glad everyone pretends dickie did it xjdkcnoxck (i maintain if there was a robin suit in damians size it had to have been dicks idea anyway)

[neverdying-d-e-a-d]

ok i have more confidence from internalizing that ill always be good and valuable #winner but ☝️

im afraid of someone killing me if they dont like me. whatever.

im afraid of someone killing me if they do like me. whatever.

im afraid of people.

i always come back to this. im afraid of people

most people arent even capable of violence, i feel like. people are domesticated, dont have a real violent bone in their body. all talk, all soft. most people dont even think about violence or consider it to be a choice. lets file through the people i know about in my head. insofar as i know, the only people who have made violent threats to me, are one girl, and my father. which, wow.

people are violent in passing, casual ways . but murder? unheard of. and people get violent when they need real and serious help. its not really a choice, is it? well. no, it is, of course it is a choice. i choose not to be violent in passing, or try to. ive never been actively violent, sought it out. so i suppose i dont know if active violence is a choice. only in the way that i cant imagine anything to be a choice.

[okay wait. actually i HAVE been actively violent before i pushed a kid down the stairs in middle school and that was definitely a choice. to be fair he wanted to choke me to death. well. i pushed him out of the way and he fell down the stairs like an idiot and he shouldnt have been blocking the entire class and well, no one liked him, and i guess if no one likes you then the right to your body's safety gets taken away. at least, that's how i felt in middle school, i suppose. i still feel that now, just a bit, i can feel it. violent punishment, devaluing bodies. its abhorrent, so why do i feel these things?

i feel like theres conditions under which i deserve violence. i feel like i deserve violence. like it's the most natural thing in the world. i feel surprised, time and time again, to find evidence to the contrary. i feel like i deserved it all. i was told i deserved it all. i was told it makes sense and i guess, it still all makes sense in my mind. im still just a child, remembering it. it.

struggles no man could ever understand. struggles no adult could understand. no older brother. constant constant everything. starving. hitting myself. falling to the ground. metal baseball bats, porn, secret rooms. dents in my head, and screaming, always the screaming, it seems to follow me. selling my stuff apparently, pain medication. hospitals. seizures. gang violence. colonization. italy. knives. crying in closets, screaming in cars, in parking lots, in showers, in restaurants. threats of violence. real violence. scraps of love. long nothings. kissing ass. saying nothing. eating shit. never talking about myself or my life or my friends out of fear. threats of violence, always threats of violence. followed, sometimes, by real violence. control, obedience, long nothings. trophies. skirts. what is any of it worth, really? whys it ever a question? no one can ever seem to get over whats happened to them. and how could they? therapy costs money. im afraid of calling to even see if it costs money because im afraid of not having money]

and here i am wondering if i deserved all of it. of course i didnt.

god and magic, are they real? does a flow control us? if there isnt any god or magic, isnt there still god and magic? doesnt it feel like it? and if its a feeling, isnt it real, a phenomenon? like magic. just like magic. when something good happens for no reason. god and magic r probably just abstract feelings. the feeling that is tugging you along. what is tugging us along? no, really.

anyway.

opportunity, and they took it. their choice. fuck you for life

itd be nice for people to have more sympathies for these sorts of things, "women's" struggles. people victim to opportunities presented by the patriarchy. conditional violence. domestic violence. but it all fizzles away. and here i am, alone. really, really... lonely, sometimes. all the time. yeah, all the time. i think i might always be afraid of people. it just feels safer that way.

in other news, the surveillance state provides a promising new avenue for avant garde artists, ensuring every piece exposure to a pair of somethings hungry eyes. unless ai starts reviewing everything, i guess. then the surveillance state... reaches a yet colder avenue. oh well. im sure ai will pose its own insecurities.

[deviantartdramahub]

https://web.archive.org/web/20231214171443/https://www.deviantart.com/forum/devart/general/2715481

Thank god PhoenixLeo was fired from his mod duties (seen in the comments) due to reasons discussed at https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/735863559534280704/so-i-was-viewing-the-deviantart-forums-today?source=share and in the links in the links in the links. That isn't the part I wanted to talk about though.

Reading his comment, something strikes the reader as odd. How do you end up with a post by the site that doesn't mention a mod change, how do they not see that YetAnotherArtist99 is an admitted ban evader with a nasty attitude towards those who point this out as https://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2713857/5099764527 shows, and how does a (former) mod end up having such an oddly specific list of "mentions" with only the most toxic members? If I didn't know better, I'd say the answer is simple and that he was never actually a mod, as who can find it possible to read the comments at https://web.archive.org/web/20231213154926/https://www.deviantart.com/forum/devart/general/2715163 in all their rule-breaking glory and the people.

Between that, glorification of drunkenness as https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/730363082642259968/deviantart-discover-the-largest-online-art?source=share mentions, targeted harassment by the same champion member as https://www.deviantart.com/comments/4/53159822/4952144910 and http://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2654542/4952111802 and https://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2704924/5075463300 and http://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2674299/4993928468 and https://www.reddit.com/r/Aretheytheasshole/comments/vne7hd/comment/ie95f1h/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 and https://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2715128/5102873077 and https://web.archive.org/web/20230820151533/https://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2706213/5079347771 and the response to the post at https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/736087682251390976/youve-got-to-be-kidding-me-theres-this-girl?source=share mention, the replies at https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/725320591085830144/httpswwwdeviantartcomcomments1827054665077?source=share show when it talks about cancellation, the lies at https://www.deviantart.com/team/status-update/Recently-there-has-been-some-988718894 which stand in the face of plenty of evidence to the contrary as can be proven by browsing the DeviantArt subreddit, favoring Israel in the current Israel/Palestine war by turning its logo blue in October in honor of Israel, complete blunders like https://www.deviantart.com/forum/devart/general/2687185 and https://www.deviantart.com/comments/18/2640729/5001462364 show, the site selling its soul to AI art, and what https://www.reddit.com/r/DeviantArt/comments/11avtei/comment/j9v5w29/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 and https://www.reddit.com/r/polls/comments/vn5m9l/aita_for_getting_banned_on_a_website_because_i/ talk about, this has got to be the absolutely worst-staffed site of all time, hands down.

It's no secret when someone like them are planted into an unrightful position of power, which has been widespread. Fittingly, everyone new forum member you talk to will say the regulars are too rude to share a space with.