#i think that's one of her biggest things about her opinions on others
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ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU
â SYNOPSIS: your parents' excitment about the election results left you with a pit of dread in your stomach. luckliy for you, you had billie, who helped you through it all.
â RELATIONSHIP: billie eilish x fem!reader
â WARNINGS: angst, comfort, politics, right wing family, implied homophobic family, long distance relationship (during tour)
â REQUESTED? yes, anon
â NOTE: hi my loves, i saw this request and just had to write it right away (literally wrote it in half an hour lmao) for anyone needing comfort as well as the anon who requested this, i hope you're doing okay. i'm not from america, but i'm also deeply dissapointed about the election results, and i feel for all of you who are there. i hope i did this request justice, i don't have a family who's like super against my views so i hope this is okay <3 anyone with family celebrating like the readers is in this story, please imagine me giving you the biggest hug rn, i hope you're coping okay. my dms are always open if you want to talk about anything at all, i love you all, please stay safe <33
â WORD COUNT: 1.2k words
you and billie had been dating for a while now, and she made you happier than anyone ever had before. she was your other half, and without her you would feel incomplete. you werenât on tour with her, much to both of your disappointments. but youâd had personal things that took up your time at the start of tour, so the plan was that youâd join her once she came on tour to your city, and youâd join her for the rest of tour. despite not being on tour with her, your mind always drifted back to her, she had a permanent residence in your heart.Â
so naturally, on election night, you sat in your room thinking about her. you wanted nothing more than to be held by her in this moment, youâd slipped away from dinner as soon as you could, but you could still hear your familyâs excited chatter coming from downstairs. the fact that they were happy about the way it was going, the way they wanted a future that was so drastically different from the one you had in your mind⌠it stung. your parents genuinely wanted a future that you werenât sure whether you had a place in, and you didnât really know what to do with that information.
you were trying to stay off social media, to stay away from the news, because you knew it wouldnât help youâyou couldnât change a thing. but every few minutes, youâd end up switching back to the tab on your laptop with the live updates, feeling a sense of dread settling in your stomach. you couldnât quite comprehend how so many more people had voted for him, the man who made you genuinely fear for your future.Â
so finally, you texted billie. you needed her comfort, even though it would just be her voice over a call. you needed her.Â
can i call you??
billie replied not long after, her text simple.Â
bils: ofc baby
her contact calling you came up on your screen before you could even move to call her, and you automatically accepted the face time. her face popped up on your phone after a moment, and as well as the tiredness from tour youâd been seeing so much of lately, she looked just as crestfallen as you. the two of you shared the same opinions on this, and you knew how much billie cared about it.Â
just as the call loaded properly, you heard a loud cheer from downstairs, and you couldnât stop the grimace that appeared on your face. billieâs lips curved down in a soft, sympathetic frown, âoh, baby.âÂ
a sigh left your lips, the sound somewhat defeated, âi just⌠i donât know how they want that. it feels like they want a future that iâm not safe inââ billie cut you off with an understanding sigh, she knew that if she let you keep talking, youâd simply spiral. she knew what you meant, you felt a rift between you and your parents, you felt unsure of what that meant for your relationship with them. billie herself had never experienced it, with her own family being supportive and sharing her views, but she had always been good at comforting you.Â
âiâm so sorry, baby. you know that me and my family have always got you, no matter what, yeah? weâve got your back, weâre always here for you. all of us.âÂ
your lips curled into a soft pout, her words lessening the sadness you were feeling. âi love your family.â
she smiled softly at you, âand we love you. always.âÂ
you cracked a small smile at her words, the disappointment behind your eyes still very much evident, but you felt an overwhelming feeling of love for the people in your life. even if your blood-related family didnât understand, you had your chosen family. that small fact that you had your people, who agreed with you on these things, it helped to soften the blow of your parents wanting the country to go down such a different path than you did. only slightly, but it helped. you felt the pain dull slightly.Â
the two of you stayed on the phone for a while, billie distracting you from your parents downstairs by telling you about the tour so far. obviously, she was also upset about everything going on, but she knew you needed this support and that was more important than talking about it. she just wanted you to feel okay. you could feel the emotions hanging around both of you even through the phone, but you appreciated that she wasnât mentioning them right now. youâd have plenty of time to talk about the election later, once you didnât feel so despairing about the future.Â
after about half an hour of the two of you just talking, you decided to ask her something.Â
âbils?âÂ
âhmm?â she hummed, looking up as if she could sense the importance of what you were about to say even through one word.Â
âdo you⌠do you think i could join you on tour a bit earlier than planned? i just donât know if i can stay in this house for any longer, itâs justââ
âof course.âÂ
her instant, firm reply cut off your rambling and you sighed in relief, âthank youââ
âdonât thank me, darling. i just want you to feel safe.â she paused, thinking, âyou could join us on the minnesota dates, if you want. thereâs two days there, so it gives you more time to get here. i can book you a flightââÂ
you smiled at her considerate words, the way she was taking everything into account. oh, how you loved her. âthat sounds perfect. and donât book first class this time, jesus. i can put up with an economy flight, iâm used to them. plus, i get to see you at the end of it.âÂ
she smiled warmly, âmm, you do. and then iâm wrapping you up in a massive hug and never letting you go, because i love you.âÂ
you giggled softly at her words, âi think iâm looking forward to seeing maggie more, actually.âÂ
billie rolled her eyes fondly, her mother just adored you. âi donât blame you.âÂ
the two of you talked into the night, and were still on the call when you woke up. you werenât aware that youâd fallen asleep, and you probably wouldnât have if it werenât for her soothing voice.
it was now the early hours of the morning, soft sunlight streaming through the curtains youâd forgotten to shut. the house had gone silent by now, your parents finally asleep, and you felt a tiny bit of peace just laying there in the silence. you looked at the screen for a moment, simply admiring her pretty sleeping face, the way her eyelashes fluttered slightly and her chest rose and fell with each breath. this time in a few days, youâd be in her arms again.Â
you let out a soft sigh. the country may be falling apart by the seams, but you had billie. you had her, so youâd be okay.Â
#ŕ¨ŕ§ lyd writes#billie eilish#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish angst#billie eilish fluff#billie eilish x you#billie eilish x y/n
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Book 2 is done! And damn I forgot how good it is.
Okay before someone lights me up for my next statement, Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn are some of the best video games written. Period. Not even on the same playing field as other Fire Emblem games in my opinion. And I think one of the reasons why book 2 of Heroes works as well as it does is because itâs taking notes from Path of Radiance. And guys, itâs so god damn fun. Surtr is such a good villain, Fjorm deserves to commit some murder as a treat, and every second Helbindi is on screen is absolute gold.
Hold on I gotta go off about Helbindi actually. Heâs a type of character I wish we got more of in FEH as a whole. He purely has his own story going on and never has a real conversation with our protagonists. And itâs a perfect decision. The world feels so much more lived in as a result and it makes his situation all the more tragic. They could have helped him, but why would that conversation ever happen? Itâs amazing. Not mentioning that every word out of his mouth is pure gold. Favorite line of the entire book is from himâ âI know that you were hoping to be slaughtered by the best, so I crawled out of the depths of hell, just for you!â Like man. MAN. Fucking get it Helbindi.
If his chapter 12 part 3 conversation with Laegjarn (where she breaks the news that his sister is dead) was voice acted and/or given more expressive visuals, it might actually get me! Perhaps make me feel a feeling. Because itâs genuinely heartbreaking! We donât need the on screen build up of his relationship with his sister for it to be so either. Between his actions and the narrative parallels drawn between himself and Laegjarn, we know. Man itâs really good.
You know who else was fun this book? Anna! Like genuinely! Trusting this lady with my life. Sheâs got a few scenes that become REALLY interesting in retrospect. First and foremost being, woah book 8 foreshadowing? In my book 2? Fascinating! If you can recall, in book 8 we learn that the Orderâs initial purpose was a lot more shady. As in, might have been trained to do political assassinations type of shady. Anna specifically worked for, trains for, and might have actively been in charge while this was still the case. And thereâs a line in book 2 chapter 5 part 1 where she says verbatim, âThereâs a reason why Iâm the commander! If I know one thing, itâs how to sneak a squad through enemy territoryâŚâ It is then this skill that makes the Order such a menace within a MĂşspell occupied Nilf. Despite their smaller size and disadvantage, finding and catching up to them is a genuine issue that Laegjarn has to put a lot of thought into effectively countering. She even likens it to a hunt. We can then assume this propensity for stealth is key to the Orderâs survival against a majority of their encounters with divine forces. The problem is that I genuinely donât recall if this ever gets highlighted again past this point. I donât think it does, but man it would be so fun if it was. More build up to this reveal please it would be so neat. Anna backstory ever so slowly being ringed out of her over literal years would drive me insane in the best possible way.
I also enjoyed Fjorm a lot more than I thought I would? In recent years, sheâs treated more like an anime waifu, for lack of a better way of putting it. And Iâm personally not the biggest fan of it. But it turns out she is getting a bit of a Lucina treatmentâ itâs as if after Grima was defeated, Awakening kept going and Lucina, with her driving motivation gone, was given an arc about crushing really hard on Robin. Itâs not a good follow up, but Fjorm in her original story and context is pretty fun! Like her a lot actually! I am so down with helping this girl kill Surtr. Sign me up bestie. Letâs go get you some vengeance.
I also love how her vengeance is framed? This very well might be some left over Fates trauma talking, but it bothers me when the anime war crimes game makes a big deal about how killing people is wrong. Of course it is and it theoretically could be an interesting thing to talk about. But, in order to convince an audience that our protagonists are moral paragons that can do no wrong, thereâs sometimes an insistence that no one here is killing anybody. In the anime medieval fantasy war game. I vaguely remember feh itself trying to do something similar at some point in the future, but not with Fjorm. People are dying horribly in this book and Fjorm is killing people. Her quest to kill Surtr comes from a deeply wrathful place and is noticeably self destructive, but no one tries to talk her down. How could they? For multiple reasons, they simply cannot. The most that can be done is Sharena insisting that Fjorm rest before she keels over. Reading it now, I cannot shake the feeling that if there is a world where Fjorm cannot kill Surtr yet somehow survived, she becomes a problem. Hell, she probably becomes a similar monster to LĂf.
âŚoh shit is that point? Oh damn I think thatâs the point.
Man book 2 is good.
Truly the only thing dragging this down is the racial undertones, which do make me extremely uncomfortable! Itâs the major reason why I donât revisit book 2 more. Surtr and Helbindiâs designs and characters are fucking fantastic, but god damnit guys the stereotype being propagated here is really not good! Hell, while weâre here, Bruno is also part of this. Itâs not screaming it on a visual level like the other two, but come on, the only dark skinned character in the cast at the time is also the one has a curse on a his blood that makes him violent? Thatâs not cute! Donât do that!
Itâs not really the hardest fix either. Sure, the best case scenario would have been getting a second pair of eyes on that before that was an inextricable part of the final product. But, be honest, would anything really be lost if Niflâs royal family also had some melanin? Or even some of our main cast? It would mellow out those undertones, thatâs for sure. Also darker skinned HrĂd and GunnthrĂĄ could be so fucking pretty you guys oh my god. Can you see my vision? The second I have some free time I am drawing that.
Anyway, the consensus is that book 2 is really good and should be way higher on my FEH book rankings. Definitely got some flaws, but it is a great ride from beginning to end.
Um. So. I may have gotten stressed and started transcribing FEHâs story mode. Might currently have all of book 1 written down. Perhaps a third of the way into book 2.
This started as a way to have the preface chapters handy since theyâre not replayable. But then I looked on the FE wiki and saw that they only have a small fraction of the chapters written down. And that scared me, because means that my hyperfixation has a nonzero chance of becoming lost media if the app were to go down one day. So now I have all of book 1 in my back pocket, including the preface, two intermissions, and the two relevant xenologues. Once Iâm further along and have a few more books accounted for, I have no problem making the document public. But until then I encourage others to also write some of its content down. Just in case, you know? Especially those prologues and Tempest Trials.
With that PSA out of the way, omg book 1 hi!!!! Itâs been forever!!!!
Apparently, I havenât reread book 1 in its entirety since I first played Heroes! Iâve gone back to look for specific scenes and replayed the levels on harder difficulties (self inflicted or otherwise), but I havenât done a thorough second pass before. Which was news to me, because that meant I was consistently blindsided by scenes and characterization that I completely forgot about! Did any of you remember that Zacharias was apparently Alfonse and Sharenaâs childhood friend? I didnât! But there it is, chapter 7 part 5 after battle cutscene, Anna specifies that aspect of their relationship. Thatâs crazy! How does the timeline even line up on that??? If he spent his childhood in Askr, how did he manage to have a strong relationship with his significantly younger sister? How did he find himself rubbing shoulders with enemy royalty? Could he have inadvertently met Peony? Iâm not changing my takes on his character, but I would love to know.
Speaking of character, apparently seven years spent writing a character naturally changes how they sound! Who would have thought. It made seeing the book 1 versions of our Askr trio a little jarring, but in an oddly nostalgic way! This was a phase of the game where the story, its characters, and its world existed with the singular purpose of introducing new players to what Heroes was trying to do. Which was, at the time, being a cute yet unobtrusive gacha app tie in with simplified FE mechanics to give you that gameplay fix on the go. And to its credit, it does do a good job of this! It ainât a masterpiece, but I was charmed by its emphasis on showing off all these cool characters you could go summon. Ryoma gets to talk for a few lines and you are going to look at his very pretty art! But that meant that the world and characters of Zenith take a bit of a backseat. Theyâre not here to be too complicated. The Order of Heroes are the friendly faces that go on adventures and meet these heroes that you can summon for only $19.99. But we all know where the game and its story is going to go from here. That emphasis is going to wane as FEH grows into its own identity (and also earn IntSys over $1 billion worldwide).
But thatâs a later development. Before that fundamental shift is where book 1 sits. Itâs in this fascinating position where these characters have yet to solidify into their recognizable forms. And if you donât believe me, chapter 9 part 4 has a scene where Sharena and Alfonseâs roles have reversed. For once, Sharena is posing the cautionary âwhat if the information we are getting from this total stranger is a trap?â, to which Alfonse responds ânah Iâm getting a vibe that itâs fine and that we should believe him whole heartedly.â Like??? Huh???? Itâs Bruno, but still, thatâs hilarious! Alfonseâs pragmatism bordering on paranoia hasnât established itself as a massive driver of his character yet. Nor has Sharenaâs role as trusting emotional core and moral compass of the group. It was very easy to borderline Mandela Effect it into being there, but it isnât. Not quite. There are hints, sure, but once again these characters were initially made to be simple at the time. The depth doesnât quite exist yet.
It wasnât until I was writing this very paragraph that it finally dawned on me why the Askr trio voice lines, especially Alfonseâs lines, are such a big deal. That's where Alfonseâs character arc with trusting Kiran resides. There's the pragmatism we know and love! Itâs not super present in the text of book 1, but the depth of these characters can be found in the voice lines you unlock from building them and earning the crown jewel level 40 conversation. Thatâs where Alfonseâs arc with his self isolating behaviors crumbles at that sight of one silly tactician. Thatâs where Sharena finally wins a fight against her own loneliness by forming genuine friendship with this stranger form a strange land, who is appreciative of her loud eccentricities. Thatâs where Anna apologizes about her initial underestimation of Kiran, thanks them for being more reliable than she could have ever hoped for, and swears that whatever hell may come their way, theyâre in this together. The books themselves donât seem to reflect this characterization until book 2, where they overall act more in accordance with the rest of the narrative. Itâs as if they're taking from the voiced linesâ example and extrapolating more on the story they imply.
The one standing in slight contrast to all this is Bruno, as he's the most interesting character in book 1. It's blaringly obvious he's Zacharias, but it's genuinely amusing how deep he is in his own gaslighting. He can't manipulate, mansplain, manwhore his way out of this one folks, but he's certainly going to try! His lies aren't even that good, but it honestly contributes to how at wits end he is. Like, sure honey, I totally believe you that you just killed Zacharias. I bet he has an eight-pack too. Just take a nap for two minutes. But then everyone believes him because our protagonists have yet meld their group braincell. Overall, an amusing time.
I don't have a particular point I'm trying to make with this one. Just having a fun and pointing out the things I've noticed. Might give a little update for every book I complete. However many that will be.
#I miss my wife (Helbindi) tails. I miss her a lot.#My goat. My guy. The absolute legend. Freaking love that guy.#feh#fire emblem heroes#fire emblem#Feh Ted Talk#feh Helbindi#feh Laegjarn#feh anna#feh fjorm#feh Surtr#feh bruno
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ten caps per episode - Law and Order Criminal Intent - s01e11 - The Third Horseman
Eames: "From locks to lock n load." Deakins: "Next step for Mr. Griscom is lockup."
#my stuff#goren/eames#goren and eames#law and order criminal intent#ten caps: loci#ten caps per episode#loci s01e11#love this ep#we get alex broaching some tough topics with bobby#everyone's done a gifset or whatever of the scene where she asks him his thoughts on abortion#so i won't beat a dead horse#but here's what i love about that scene#it's important to alex#she wants to know what bobby thinks bc it's a big deal to her#like she was so bothered by the stuff he said to the bad guy when trying to win his trust#like alex KNOWS he's playing the suspects. intellectually. she knows that.#but once in a while there are these times where she gets this feeling like#wait is he just playing them? or..? and she just has to know what he thinks#and when he gives kind of a non committal answer she's like nuh uh#you will answer me#and bobby answers because alex doesn't demand a lot of him directly and personally#as we see throughout the series#alex has a really strong sense of morality and ethics#and i think that's what she loves about bobby too that brings her around to like being partners with him#in the wee small hours in her testimony she specifically said she changed her mind bc she found him to be an ethical person#i think that's one of her biggest things about her opinions on others#so it was really important to her to know where her partner stood#topic change but also the quote i used makes me smile#i think deakins had a sense of frivolity about him and liked to be playful with alex'
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people get angry at solas' potential redemption because anders never received that kind of treatment but i think we really. shouldn't blame his writer for actually liking their character and giving him some depth and opportunities to take his arc in different directions depending on what players think of him. there are other people responsible for all the questionable choices in anders' writing and i think it's actually a good thing their approach to morally grey characters isn't a standard for the series anymore
#im saying this as self-proclaimed anders lawyer. and hepler's biggest enemy#if she used a character she was supposed to write as one of the party members and potential romantic interest to portray him as her toxic e#and make it everyone else's problem while also being ableist#it's not solas' writer's problem that they. do not do that. and actually put effort into portraying a central and also divisive character#as complex and sympathetic (for some) figure#idk i think it's just counterproductive. the thing about anders vs. solas treatment is that they were written by different people#and it showcases how much depends on writer's opinions and investment into the character they develop as well as their professionalism#because i think. projecting your own issues onto a character you're writing for a non-personal project is somewhat not professional#anyway. i will always mourn anders who could've been. and a story that could've been#but i also want to appreciate that there are other writers who do want to write complex characters properly#don't want to put main tags on this because this is somehow a vent post so. let it stay that way.
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#just watched s 2 ep 7 of the vampire show#and these are just some ramblings that hopefully will not offend fans of the show im just trying to articulate my thoughts to myself#i think it was a cool idea to turn their trial into one of the theatrical performances onstage#however im still annoyed at how the domestic violence episode happened and was apparently a real thing#like idk it just ruins the whole vibe in the book of how these characters were living together doing awful things to humans yet#somehow mostly carrying on in civilized peace and not ever directing that violence toward each other for decades on end#this choice messes up the characterizations and relationship dynamics too much for me somehow#also messes up the aesthetics that are a delicate balance between the savage and grotesque and polite and refined#it was important to me that lestat wasnt the one to first cross that line in the books and that claudia was#i feel like kinda the one thing that lestat had going for him in the first book as a standalone story#was that he didnt ever cross certain lines with louis and claudia that the show made him cross there?#he seemed to have a different inner set of rules when it came to what violence he would do to humans and what he would do to them#it's hard to even articulate what kind of shittiness is a dealbreaker in a character or a ship to me#especially when theyre constantly doing stuff like feeding on people to stay alive#but for some reason lestat and louis beating the shit out of each other is just such a nonsense ooc thing to make them do in my opinion#also claudia in the book was valid for what she did to lestat already i thought. i dont see why they had to change or add to the motives#she was turned into a vampire at age 5 and therefore almost purely a vampire in nature and also totally valid in not being happy about it#and in the books lestat made her a vampire on his own after louis fed on her and they did not discuss it beforehand#and he never mentioned rules about a child vampire being forbidden and louis did not beg him to do it. in fact one of the biggest reasons#that louis and claudia decide to turn on lestat is because theyre convinced hes just pretending to know more than he does about vampirism#and either has nothing to teach them or wont ever let them go so they can find out anything for real about their own kind#these changes in the show bother me too but i think im not that good at articulating why#i also feel like as much as book louis's weakness and passiveness and guilt can get frustrating and isn't always interesting to follow#in a way that's kinda one of his more saving graces and most defining traits as a vampire as well - so i dont always know how to feel#about them making his character more powerful and aggressive and involved in things in the show at times?#on one hand i often get frustrated at his moping and indecisiveness and inactivity in the books#and yet on the other hand i find i miss his quieter softer excruciatingly polite book personality when i am watching the show at times too#p#vmpcs
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The more I think about it, the more Laios and Falin's different perceptions of their parents are a case of "same parents, different childhood".
Whenever someone asks Laios about his and Falin's family, he comments on how they treated Falin but never comments about how how their childhood affected him - in fact, he kind of glosses over it. It's Falin that everyone is rallying to save, it's Falin that's Marcille's friend, it's Falin that everyone has a positive opinion of - he's just the weirdo brother that gets to share some of her light sometimes. He's the one who's only tolerated when he's useful in a dungeon. Falin's treatment is a large part of the reason that he left, but it's the symptom of a larger issue.
When we see Laios' thoughts of his parents in his nightmares, it's all about the expectations that he's supposed to live up to: the expectation to stop being "childish", the expectation to get married (to who his parents picked) and have children, the expectation to take over from his father as the village chief, the expectation to adapt to something that he isn't able to be in the way that people want him to. And these are all things that he has had to be told in some way: he had to be told that Shuro didn't like him, he had to be told that told that the gold-peelers were taking advantage of him - these aren't thoughts that just appeared on their own, these are all failures that someone has explicitly pointed out to him and they haunt him. Some of the things he considers his biggest failures are his failure to provide for and protect Falin and those have very tangible examples he can point to.
We get a glimpse of what happens when he fails to live up to his father's expectations when Falin is born. He expects a certain reaction from Laios and when he fails to give that reaction he physically puts him down, dismisses him, and underestimates how much he understands.
And that's something that's shown to be a bit of a sore point for him - people thinking that he doesn't understand something because he doesn't express himself like people expect. The few times we see him snap at people are because people think he isn't understanding something because he isn't reacting "normally".
On Falin's side, the expectations seem to be a lot different - she's the younger one, for one, she's a girl, and she was so young when the fallout from her having magic happened. She too had an arranged engagement, but that was broken off when she was sent away to magic school and since then, their parents only seem to be passively involved in her life. She's mostly been freed of the expectations that their parents had for her in her village - she won't be coming back after all. She understands why they sent her away, she wasn't completely oblivious to the villagers treatment of her and it was, arguably, for the best so she is at peace with what their relationship is for now. But she still wants to go to her hometown and see for herself with adult eyes because she has never really had the space to do that.
I don't think their parents are inherently evil people - the truth is probably somewhere between Laios and Falin's version of the story, Laios' side tinged by too much cynicism and Falin's by too much naivete.
It just strikes me that when he tried to provide the "normal" way he failed, but given the space to do something similar to what people expected of him, but in his own way, he succeeded. He isn't perfect but his efforts are ultimately fruitful and he is able to carve out a place for himself, Falin, and others who had been ostracized like them to call home.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dunmeshi analysis#laios touden#falin touden#i have a lot of touden feelings#i'm not letting mama and papa touden off the hook that easy#dunmeshi spoilers
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I Remember Everything - Rafe Cameron
(Prologue and Chapter 1)
Summary: You left the island two years ago, leaving the love of your life a shattered man in your wake. Now, when you return, you find the sweet boy you once loved has transformed into a monster of a man. How can you detangle the real Rafe from the terrible things he's done?
Timeline: begins toward the end of obx season 3 and is mostly canon.
Content: this story contains sexual content, alcohol and drug abuse, and brief mentions of violence. All chapters are 18+, minors do not interact!
âŻseries masterlistâŻ
Prologue
Before gold, before grams, before the gun, there was you. Back when there werenât crosses to steal, lines to snort, cops to run from, there was you. Long summer nights on the Druthers, your mom blowing up your phone âcause you missed curfew again. Skipping class and riding to the beach on the back of his bike. All the way back to grade school, playing tag and pretending you were pirates. Then middle school, that kiss under the lifeguard tower, a first for both of you. In high school, the night you got back from the âcharacter-building summer campâ you had been shipped off to and you shared your other first. When you were first together, it didnât even hurt, but just felt like fucking finally.Â
He remembers it all, taking all of his strength to keep it stuffed under the surface. The coke, the violence, the drama he creates in his wake cover you up nicely, until those nights when heâs dead asleep and there you are again, leaving. When he wakes, it all comes back to him. How he sat on the curb and watched you go, bloody and hurt from the night that was your final straw. How he showed up on your doorstep the next day, like he was five-years-old again asking if you could come outside and play. How your mother told him you were gone and wouldnât tell him where you went.
âHoney,â she said with something like pity in her voice, âPromise me, youâll let her go, let her be happy.â
A promise he kept, until the day you rolled back into town with no warning. Your timing could not have been worse. After the summer from hell, the summer that made him a killer, he finally felt like he was in control. It wasnât until he saw you, the only person in the world that ever really knew him, that he realized he had no idea who he was.Â
Chapter One
You clutched your phone tight, reading and rereading the message. One you used to get nearly every night but hadnât seen in two long years.
party at cameronâs tonite !!
It was a group text, sent by the girl from your high school you bumped into in the grocery store earlier that day. You had been back on the island for all of an hour before inevitably seeing someone you knew. You tried to duck quickly into the cereal aisle, but she caught your eye before you could disappear, an action you were infamous for.
âOmg, we need to hang out soon!â She had said, before handing you her phone to put your new number in.
You smiled your fakest smile and said, âitâs a must!â You didnât think either of you really meant it, but apparently she had.
There were eleven or twelve other numbers in the group text, none you had saved, but you assumed they were likely other people from your high school. She probably just added anyone in her contacts she could think of, not even stopping to realize she was inviting the Kook princeâs former princess to his party. Your relationship had been the stuff of legend on this island. Everyone had an opinion, you were practically a celebrity couple, and it was the biggest news on the island for months when you left, suddenly disappearing overnight. Some real shit mustâve gone down around here since then to make it such old news that this girl didnât even think about it when adding you to this text.
Your heart pounding in your ears, you couldnât believe it when you felt yourself typing out iâll be there :)Â
You wore your hair down, the way you always used to have it in high school. After you left, you had cut it short, wanting to shed away as much of your old life as you could, but in the last few months youâd started to let it grow back. Now it flowed down to the middle of your back, tickling the skin of your shoulders where the thin spaghetti straps of the little dress you had on left them exposed. You let the front pieces fall around your face, a sort of curtain to keep an extra layer between you and the other partygoers.
You could not believe you were here. For real this time, not in a dream as you had been every night for two years, but really here.Â
As you walked down the gravel path, it all came rushing back. The smell of Roseâs garden, the distant sound of the ocean lapping against the shore, the low thud of the music echoing through the crisp evening air. How many times have you walked down this path? How many nights had you spent here, your senses filled with the glory of Tannyhill, the glory of him? And yet now it felt so heavy, the sights, sounds, smells of it all were nearly choking you. Tears welled in your eyes, but something kept your feet walking towards those grand front doors, towards him.
Four years earlierâŚ
The glass panes of the front door are slightly blurred, only revealing the soft lighting of the grand entryway on the other side. You had crossed this threshold at least a thousand times in the ten years since your family moved to this island. Knocking felt strange, you felt so small standing here in the porch light, surrounded by moths and the thick coastal August air. An envelope, wrinkled from being opened and rifled through so many times, was clutched between your clammy hands.
A figure you couldnât quite make out approached the door, and your heart pounded in your ears as you hoped desperately it would be him who opened the door. But it wasnât.
âOh, hey - I- hi, Mr. Cameron,â you stammered, ever intimidated by the islandâs most powerful man.
âY/N,â Ward nodded cordially. âItâs after 10pm.â
You smiled weakly, if you felt small before, you feel positively infantile now.
âI was just hoping I could see Rafe for like, just a second,â you pleaded, putting on your sweetest smile.
âHeâs studying,â Ward said. âYou can come back tomorrow. Goodnight.â
Before you could protest, the door was closed and the blurred figure retreated into the house.
Never one to give up, you stuffed the letter into the back pocket of your jeans, and stepped back from the porch, sizing up the massive house to see which rooms still had lights on. You knew the blueprint of this place by heart, checking off each family member mentally as you scanned their window for signs of life. Wheezieâs room? Dark. Sarahâs room? Dark. Rose and Wardâs room? Still lit. This would have to be a stealth mission.Â
You snuck around the side of the house and looked up at the last window on your list. To your excitement, the room was still lit. You saw a long shadow pass by the curtains, and you actually jumped a little from the thrill. After spending the longest summer of your life apart from the one person you wanted to spend it with, he was actually right there, just two stories off the ground.
You traveled 800 miles today, what was a few more feet? Blocking out the better judgment ringing in the back of your mind, you picked up a few pebbles from the rocky path that leads to the backyard, and started climbing the big tree that grew right up past Rafeâs balcony. How you were gonna get from the tree to the balcony? That was five-minutes-from-now-youâs problem. You chuckled to yourself as your body naturally found each branch and knot on the tree. You used to have competitions when you were kids to see who could climb this tree the fastest, and you beat Rafe everytime. You remembered the shocked look on his face the first time he saw you scurry up the tree, you were hoping for a similar level of approving surprise once you got where you were going.
Once you reached the branch directly across from Rafeâs balcony, you pulled one of the pebbles from your pocket and chucked it at his window as hard as you could.Â
âShit,â you whisper-yelled as the throw fell short and the pebble dropped, loudly knocking into the first floor window below. You couldnât afford another noise-causing miss, so you recalculated the throw and bit your lip as you lobbed the next pebble hard. It smacked into Rafeâs window with a loud TINK and you smiled in satisfaction. You waited a moment, then two, and still nothing. The shadowy figure did not return to the curtain. You only had one pebble left, and you had never been good at climbing back down this tree. Remembering the time you fell out of it onto the waiting Rafe below, and you both ended up needing stitches, your stomach twisted in fear. You took in a deep breath and held it, letting the last pebble fly. Another sharp TINK, and a moment of baited breath later, the tall shadow finally returned to the window.
Rafe opened the curtains harshly and you immediately broke into a wild smile. He looked so cute in his fitted gray t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, his normally gelled back her falling in messy pieces around his face. You held back a giggle, delighted by the completely confused look on his face as he searched out the window for the cause of the sound. He lifted the window open and examined the two pebbles that had fallen on the windowsill.Â
You took the opportunity to whisper a loud âpsssst.â His face shot up in surprise and his eyes finally found you in the tree, just a few feet off of the balcony. Where you expected to see surprised delight on his face, you instead caught something cold and irritated.
âY/N,â he whisper-called to you. âWhat are you doing?â
âI just got back, I wanted to see you!â You called to him, hoping his apparent anger was just in response to his own shock.
âIâm busy.â Rafe went to close the window and you felt your moment of opportunity slip away.
âWait!â you stopped him. âPlease donât make me climb down. We both know it wonât end well.â You smiled a sweetly shy smile you hoped would melt his icy demeanor a bit. Â
He sighed and looked at you annoyed for a moment before climbing out the window, his height requiring him to duck low in order to make it through. He had grown even taller over the summer, he must have hit 6 foot by now, maybe more. Your stomach flipped as you watched his athletic frame emerge from his bedroom, now able to see how defined his arms looked in the moonlight. Youâd always thought he was a cute boy, but the way he looked right now lit a fire in your belly. Then you realized what it was - while you were gone, the cute boy-next-door had become a man.
âJust reach over,â he directed you.
âI donât think I can without falling,â you explained. âI think Iâm gonna have to jump.â
âAre you stupid?â He scoffed humorlessly.
Your heart sank, the boy you left behind three months ago never would have called you stupid.
âItâll be fine, you just have to catch me,â you explained.
He rolled his eyes and opened his arms, reaching them over the bannister of the balcony, âfine.â
The brief moment of joy you got from his submission faded fast as you made the mistake of looking down at the gap between the tree and the balcony.
âActuallyâŚâ you said, bravery fading.
âWhat, are you scared?â Rafe taunted.
âNo!â you insisted. You smiled at him, suddenly feeling like the two of you were ten again and he was daring you to jump off the trampoline into the pool in your backyard.
Now or never. With a deep breath and a sharp yelp, you threw yourself out of the tree and towards his waiting arms on the balcony. As promised, he caught you, and pulled you quickly over the bannister. His arms wrapped around your waist, yours around his shoulders, he held you there just a few inches off the ground.
You flattened your hands against the taut muscles of his shoulders, delighting in the strong warmth of them. But before you could fully revel in the feeling of being in his arms, he released his grip on your waist and you dropped the final few inches to the ground. Rafe quickly stepped back, breaking the lock your arms had around his neck. Despite the southern summer heat, the air between you suddenly felt ice cold.
âRafe,â you whispered, stepping towards him, but he only pulled further away.
âYou shouldnât be here,â he said without even looking at you.
Rafe started back towards his window, and something gave you the feeling he was not going to invite you to follow him through it.
âI need to talk to you,â you started to explain.
Rafe whipped around to face you, the way he towered over you at his new height sending goosebumps down your spine.
âWhy donât you go talk to your new boyfriend instead?â He snapped.
You were so stunned that you let out a little laugh, which only made his furrowed brow scrunch even more in anger.
âWhat are you talking about?â You asked.
âI saw the pictures your camp was posting on their website all summer. I saw you wrapped around that douchebag.â
It took a moment of confused silence for you to realize what he was talking about, when it finally dawned on you, you laughed again. He turned from you and started heading towards the window again, but you caught his arm, your hand not able to fit even halfway around it.
âNo, Rafe,â you explained, âThat was just Andy, one of the other campers. We were doing a trust fall exercise. He dropped me like two seconds after that!â
Despite himself, Rafe turned to look at you, eyes examining you nervously.Â
âAre you ok?â He asked in a small voice, wishing desperately that he didnât care.
You smiled softly, there he was - your boy.Â
âIâm fine,â you assured him, showing him the small scar on your wrist. âJust a little scrape.â
A moment passed, he avoided your eyes but allowed you to step closer, your hand sliding down his arm and slipping into his, his fingers reluctantly intertwining with yours. You knew exactly what words he was struggling to find, but decided to let him get there on his own.
Finally, âWhy didnât you answer my letters?â
Your other hand reached into your back pocket and pulled out the envelope you had tucked away. You held it out to him wordlessly. He took the letter and held it to the light coming from his room, examining it with a confused look. The envelope was addressed to him at Tannyhill, from you at camp. When he finally noticed the âreturn to senderâ label, it all clicked.
âThey kept getting returned to me, I donât know why,â you said as you squeezed his hand. âI asked to use my phone to let you know but they wouldnât let me. I almost just snuck out of camp and came home so I could explain it to you.â
âYour mom wouldâve been so mad,â he said, finally, finally smiling at you.
âThen she wouldâve just taken away my phone and weâd be back where we started,â You said. âThereâs like twenty more letters like that. I donât know why they never made it to you, itâs like someone was sabotaging me.â
Rafe seemed satisfied with your explanation and the remaining bit of anger on his face melted away completely. He stuffed the letter in his pocket and suddenly threw his arms around you, lifting you in the air as you yelped in surprise, giggling as he started planting sloppy kisses all over your face and neck.
âShhh, baby, my parents will hear you,â he whispered. âTheyâve got me locked in my tower because I failed my last quiz in this fucking summer school pre-calc class.â
âRafe!â you said in mock-scandal. âNaughty language!â
âOh, baby, I can say way naughtier things than that,â he growled in your ear, your cheeks now burning from real-scandal.
âCâmon,â he said, setting you down and grabbing your hand, to lead you to his still-open window.Â
He placed his large hand on the small of your back as he helped you through the window, climbing in after you and closing it slowly so as to not make a sound.
You and Rafe had done some more-than-kissing things before, but that was the night you gave yourselves to each other completely. He held you after, softly kissing the scar on your arm from when Andy had dropped you.
âNever gonna let that Andy asshole touch you again,â he said between kisses. âHe can find his own girl, youâre mine.â
You giggled and he looked up at you in confusion.
âRafe,â you were laughing hard now. âAndyâs gay.â
He broke into a bashful grin, a quick blush of embarrassment swept across his cheeks before he grew serious again and started kissing up your arm.
âI donât care,â he said. âThey should all know - all the Andys and Jakes and Chads and whoeverthefucks,â his kisses had reached your neck, âno guy is ever gonna get to touch you like me.â He pulled back and looked into your eyes with a sincerity that squeezed your heart. âGonna love you forever. Gonna marry you, make you a mom. Never gonna spend three months, or even three fucking days away from you again. That what you want?â
âYes,â you breathed, meaning it with your whole being.
âGood.â
NowâŚ
The memories flooded your brain as you opened the door and stepped into the home you used to think would be yours someday. The party was swelling, the vibe feeling so familiar and so uncomfortable at the same time.
You made your way straight to the kitchen, desperately needing a drink. Every step you took sent a memory flashing through your thoughts like a shock to your brain. You passed the living room and saw movie-nights-turned-make-out-sessions on the couch, playing mario kart with Sarah and Wheezie while Rafe laughed at your hyper-competitiveness, prom pictures in front of the fireplace. You passed the dining room and saw the first family dinner you were invited to, how you made Ward laugh with a story about fishing your own dad used to tell, how Rafe squeezed your thigh under the table in pride. You entered the kitchen and saw the time you and Rafe set off the smoke alarm trying to make pancakes, the time he lifted you onto the counter and went down on you when his family was out of town. And then, standing by the keg, you saw the girl who invited you, clearly plastered already.
âOmg!â She yelled when she saw you.
Everyone else in the large kitchen turned and looked at you. It felt dramatic, but you could swear the whole room fell silent when they saw you, a comical record scratch playing in your head.
The girl who invited you ran over to you, beer sloshing over the side of her solo cup and onto her shirt.Â
âI can not believe you came,â she said, loud enough for everyone to hear. âI completely forgot when I invited you, about, you know, you and-â
âCan I get one of those?â you cut her off quickly, gesturing towards her drink.
Before she could answer, a loud crash came from outside the kitchenâs open french doors. The heads that had all been watching you suddenly snapped toward the sound towards the crowded back yard. When the loud bellow of a manâs voice rang out, the people in the kitchen all ran towards the unfolding scene. You pushed through the crowd and out the doors, drawn inexplicably to the voice. Your heart dropped to your stomach when you realized why - it was Rafe.
There in the backyard, packed with drunk people and lit by string lights, Rafe stood with his fist clenched in the collar of some guyâs white button up, forcefully pulling the scared looking dude toward him while he yelled.
âI said none of that fucking cheap shit,â Rafe yelled at the guy you now realized was a cater-waiter.Â
âIâm sorry sir, I-â Rafe threw the man down and he fell back in the dirt.
âThis isnât some ghetto block party out in The Cut,â Rafe yelled. âDo you know whoâs fucking house youâre at right now?â
The crowd around you watched, most smiling in support of the man they looked at like he was a rockstar. You cringed at the looks of admiration in their eyes and took Rafe in with your own.
He looked different, harder. His floppy blond locks had been shaved off, and he had traded old t-shirts and jeans for slacks and a polo. He was as tall and built as you remembered, but instead of it being endearing, it was just scary as he looked down at the poor server like he was gonna kill him.
Then he spat on him. He actually spat on another human being. It disgusted you in more ways than one, and you felt your heart breaking in your chest as you realized you had no idea who this man was. The boy who held you on that night four years ago and promised to be yours forever clearly didnât live here anymore. You turned quickly and pushed back through the crowd, unable to watch another second of this sickening display of toxic masculinity.
Rafe glared down at the pogue-scum in the dirt below him, an eerily familiar feeling washed over him as something moved quickly in the corner of his eye. He turned at just the right moment to see a whip of long hair disappear through the crowd. But it wasnât. It couldnât possibly be. Surely, it was not you.
(chapter 2)
a/n: Hiiii this is the first fic I've posted in about 10 years!! Hope you enjoyed, forgive me if I'm rusty! More chapters to come :)
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe cameron x reader#obx fic#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#rafe x reader#rafe outer banks#obx smut#rafe cameron fluff#rafe fanfic#rafe x you#rafe fanfiction#rafe smut#rafe imagine#rafe fic#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron and you#rafe cameron and reader#rafe cameron and y/n
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10 Things I Hate About You
Sirius Black x Evans!Reader
Lily Evans isn't allowed to date. Not until her big sister does. At least, James Potter thinks so. What better way to rectify this than to get Sirius to date her. That shouldn't be hard, right?
3.1K
Lily Evans was not allowed to date. At least that was what James believed. He believed the reason she wouldn't date him was because of her sister.
Her crazy twin sister who was a loner freak. She was pretty, sure. Just as pretty as Lily. But she was abrupt, aggressive and, quite frankly, scared most people off. She was unashamed in voicing her opinions, not giving a crap on what anybody thought.
Lily Evans wasn't allowed to date because Y/N Evans wasn't dating. It wasn't a jealousy thing, it was a protective older sister thing.
"You don't need to waste you time on the guys at this school, Lils. You should just be focusing on your studies and getting the best grades you can," she said as she sat, stretched out on the couch in the Gryffindor common room, book open in her lap.
Lily let out a huff and returned to her homework. She knew there was no point arguing with her sister. And, it wasn't even like she wanted to date anybody, it just would have been nice to have the option. Especially when James Potter ramped up the flirting.
James Potter. He stared at her across any room they were both in. Pranks had gone wrong because he was too busy staring at Lily.
He'd asked her out several times. But her answer was always the same. She always turned him down and blamed Y/N.
So, James had to come up with a solution. He liked Evans, so damn much, he just had to get her sister out of the way.
Moony would never go for it. He was already sort of friends with Y/N. Academic rivals who had found friendship. They compared homework, attempting to correct each other. Which worked out great for James, Sirius and Peter.
Peter. Y/N would never go for him. Especially not after she'd caught him peaking into the girls hanging room after quidditch practice.
That left James with one last friend: Sirius. And might have well as been perfect for the job.
Sirius accepted. If it finally got James with Evans, he'd do it. Plus, Y/N was a challenge. If he managed to date her, he'd hate dated the biggest bitch in Hogwarts.
Of course, Sirius had the impossible task of getting her to agree to go on a date with him first.
On Sirius' first attempt, he waited leaned against the wall beside the doorway into charms. It wasn't a class they shared, and Sirius only knew where she was because he'd asked Lily.
So, he'd skipped his own class and waited outside of hers.
The girls in Y/Ns year giggled and batted their eyelashes at Sirius as the walked past. He flashed that ever charming smile, but that was the only attention he was going to give them. They weren't the one he was looking for.
"Hey," Sirius said as Y/N walked past.
She spared him a single glance and kept walked, not answering him.
It was a good thing thing Sirius was a persistent person. He followed Y/N away from her classroom, towards Muggle studies. "You got muggle studies?" He asked.
Y/N snorted. "What do you think?" She mumbled. "Haven't you got any classes whatsoever?"
"I might," he replied, leaning against the wall.
Y/N finally turned to look at him. She wouldn't admit it, but she noticed it, noticed his rolled up sleeves, his loose tie, the way he wasn't wearing his robes.
Sirius Black was undeniably attractive, sure, but Y/N wasn't looking to date. And good facial features weren't the only thing that mattered to her. So far, Sirius was all aesthetically pleasing facial features.
"I might want to stay here and walk to you."
Y/N scoffed and walked into Muggle Studies, leaving Sirius where he was.
***
"I'm telling you, James, she doesn't want me. She wants nothing to do with me," Sirius said as they lounged around in the common room.
James shook his head. "Come one, Padfoot. Every girl wants you, so why doesn't she?"
Before this whole ordeal, Sirius had wanted Y/N, but it was in the same way he wanted every girl. It meant nothing and the feeling would pass as soon as something had happened between them. But the more she rejected him, the more he wanted her.
So, with the help of Remus, the boys devised a plan. They were going to throw a party in the common room. And if Y/N and Lily came, and Lily saw Y/N with Sirius, maybe James might have a chance.
They spent the afternoon preparing everything, getting records together and sneaking alcohol into the grounds. Using the tunnel that led to the shrieking shack, Sirius and Remus managed to get to Hogsmeade. From there it was easy enough to by something to drink and get it back to the castle.
By the time the Gryffindors got back from dinner, the boys had the party in full swing. All that was missing was people.
It didn't take much to convince people to join their party. First, second, third and fourth years were ushered up to bed, since the marauders didn't want to be responsible for a bunch of drunk Fourteen year olds.
It was Peters job to make sure they stayed upstairs while everybody else partied. Sirius' job was handing out the drinks and Remus' job was to keep things rolling while James flirted with Lily.
Y/N was one of the last to make it back from dinner. Her sister had gotten to the common room first, and was already sat on the couch beside Marlene McKinnon, drink in hand.
Once Y/N walked into the common room, she scoffed and went to make her way up to her bedroom.
But Sirius caught her, getting in her way and handing her a drink. "Stay for a while," he said over the music and the chatter. "Have some fun with your housemates."
"I'm busy," said Y/N as she stared at him.
Sirius insisted, pushing the drink into her hand. "One drink, that's all I ask," he said. "Just one drink."
Reluctantly, Y/N took it. But one drink turned onto two, and two drinks turned into three. Soon Y/N was dancing on the table to the Queen records Sirius had put on.
Other students gathered around, laughing and watching as she danced. But Sirius could see it, see her slipping and falling from the table. So, he strode over, pushing his way passed the other Gryffindors, who let him pass without protest, and grabbed a hold of Y/Ns hands.
"Let's get you some air," he called over the noise.
"But I'm having fun!" Y/N shouted back, throwing her head back as she swayed from side to side. "Isn't this what you wanted?"
Sirius practically pulled her from the table. He wrapped his arms around her, leading her out of the common room.
Sneaking through the halls of the castle was hard enough on a full moon. But, with a drunk Y/N Evans clutching onto his arm, it was damn near impossible.
Sirius hid her in an alcove with him, holding his fingers to her lips as Slughorn came past. Y/N let out a giggle and licked Sirius's finger, but he quickly placed his hand over her mouth.
Once Slughorn was gone, it was easy enough to get Y/N outside. Sirius walked her down to the Black Lake, sitting her down against a tree. "How are you feeling?" He asked, sitting down beside her.
Y/N let her head fall against his shoulder. "My head feels fuzzy," she complained, shutting her eyes.
"That's because you've had too much to drink." Sirius pulled a carton of cigarettes from his pocket and pulled one out. He put one between his lips and lit it.
As soon as Sirius took the first puff, Y/N reached for the cancer stick. He gently batted her hand away, wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "You'll throw up if you smoke this," he said and Y/N just nodded his head.
***
She didn't want to talk about it.
Some Gryffindors laughed as they passed her in the hall, but Y/N's harsh glare was enough to shut them up.
She hid herself away in the library, in the darkest corner as she read through books. For one she wasn't studying, reading for the pleasure of it.
When somebody walked towards her, Y/N turned away.
When Sirius Black walked towards her, Y/N scoffed and shoved her nose deeper into her book. If there was one person she didn't want to talk to, it was the person that got her drunk.
He sat opposite her, drumming his black nails against the desk. "How you feeling today?" He asked, using his finger to lower Y/N's book.
She glared and lifted it back up. "Go away, Sirius."
"I'll go away," Sirius replied, "If you go to Hogsmeade with me."
Again, Y/N scoffed. But this time she stood up and walked away from him. She checked her book out of the library and strode out, all while Sirius watched her go.
Goddamn he wanted her.
He needed Remus's help.
Sirius met his friend in the Gryffindor common room. "We need to do something," he said as he paced in front of the fire place.
Remus was sat back, looking cool, calm and collected. Of course he was, he had virtually no part in this whole Lily and Y/N plan. "Do you think it's really fair that you're chasing her just so that James can date her sister?"
Stopping his pacing, Sirius stared at his friend. He wanted Y/N Evans and he wanted her bad.
Remus let out a sigh. "Have you ever noticed that she's always reading these romance novels?"
"So?"
"You'll need to do some sort of gesture, something big and romantic," Remus replied, running his hands through his hair.
Some big, romantic gesture, huh? Sirius could do that.
***
Y/N had never received a howler before. Never, not in her entire life. With her parents being Muggles, they didn't know how to send them. So, when the owl dropped the red envelope into Y/N's lap, her sister stared at her. "Who on earth sent you that?" Asked Lily as Y/N picked it up.
She shrugged her shoulders and unsealed it. Immediately, the red envelope and letter inside became a mouth. A mouth that started singing. "Oh my god," Y/N mumbled, hiding her face from everybody else in the great hall, eating their breakfasts. She'd never been this embarrassed in her life, not even when she'd gotten incredibly drunk last week.
The Howler sang Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen as Sirius came and sat opposite her, smirking with his ring covered hands clasped together. "This is from you, isn't it?" Y/N asked over the singing.
Instead of answering, Sirius climbed up onto the table. He sang along with the howler, kicking dishes of food away from the table. And, when the song was over, he held out his hands towards her. "Y/N Evans, will you go out with me?"
The embarrassment had turned into laughter. As embarrassing as it was, Y/N loved it. It was amazing. It was the most Sirius Black thing in the world.
But Y/N didn't get to answer him, not when Professor McGonagall came striding towards him and pulled him from the table. He waved at Y/N as he was dragged away to detention.
"What on earth," Lily muttered, shaking her head as Y/N stood up from the table.
"I don't know, Lils," Y/N said and ran office.
She knew exactly where to find Sirius. McGonagall had him in her office, writing line while she watched over him.
Y/N knocked on the door and waited for McGonagall to let her in. When she shouted, Y/N strode into the office. "Hey, Professor. As a Muggleborn student, I have some questions," she said and walked over to the window, pulling McGonagall's attention away from Sirius.
It took Sirius a moment to catch on. So, Y/N kept talking, kept holding McGonagall questions. "So, do how do Muggleborn students come to be?" She asked.
Sirius's eyes went wide. He stood carefully pushing his chair back while McGonagall was turned around.
But she went to turn back. "Like, do I have a magical family member from a few generations ago?" She asked as Sirius tiptoed towards the door. "And, how come Lily and I are both magic but our sister isn't?"
"I'm sorry, Miss Evans," McGonagall said, keeping her eyes on her as Sirius made it out of the door. Y/N got herself ready to run. "But I don't have time for this right now. Can't you see I'm busy?"
"You're right, Professor. I'm sorry," Y/N said and swiftly walked out of the office.
She got away quickly, before McGonagall could call her back and ask about Sirius's whereabouts. Y/N wasn't sure, anyway. Sirius was long gone by the time she got out of the office.
Suddenly, Sirius appeared out of nowhere. He strode forward and tapped Y/N on the shoulder. She turned quickly, ready to tackle her attacker, but when she saw Sirius, she relaxed. She went to say something, but he beat her to it. "Meet me on the astronomy tower later," he said and walked off again.
***
James walked towards Lily and placed his arms around her shoulders. "Word on the street is your sister is seeing Sirius," he said as they walked.
Lily didn't remove his arm, but she didn't give him the time of day, either. She just kept walking, as though James wasn't there. "So, now that your sister is dating, how about I take you on a date?"
"A date, James, really?" Lily asked, finally pushing his hand away.
James nodded his head. "If Y/N is dating, why can't you?"
Letting out a huff, Lily turned to face him. "Okay, if I go on one date with you, will you finally leave me alone?" She asked and James nodded.
One date. All he needed was one date.
***
Y/N made her way up to the astronomy tower. She was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a knitted sweater, keeping herself warm as she walked through the castle.
Sirius was already up the astronomy tower, a picnic set up in front of him. He had the blanket, the basket, a candle surrounded by food. It was simple food, sandwiches and snacks.
"Wow," Y/N whispered as she walked over to him.
Sirius grinned and spread his arms. "Surprise," he said and sat on one side of the blanket, gesturing for Y/N to sit opposite him.
She took her seat and Sirius passed her a biscuit. "So, what is the deal with James and my sister?" She asked as she leaned back, looking across the castle grounds.
Sirius shook his head. "He really likes her," he said and ran his fingers through his hair.
Y/N let out a snort. "I think the whole school knows that."
"No, I think the whole school knows that I like you," Sirius muttered with a smirk.
They spoke the whole evening long. Even once the food had been eaten and they were comfortably full, Y/N and Sirius stayed where they were, talking about their lives. Y/N learned about his home life and just how shitty it was. She told him about being Muggleborn and how spiteful her sister was.
They were sat beside each other, Y/N leaning against him as he watched the stars. "So, why don't you date?" Sirius asked her. "You're gorgeous, I know so many guys that would be so happy to be in my position right now, so why am I the lucky guy?"
Y/N shrugged her shoulders. "I've just always wanted to be more focused on my studies," she said.
Suddenly Sirius placed his finger under chin and tipped her towards him. He kissed her, slowly gently, eyes closed as his lips moved against hers. He tasted of smoke and mint, the taste intoxicating. Y/N couldn't get enough.
She ran his fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp. Sirius let out a whine and pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. He couldn't stop the smile crossing his face as they just sat there.
There were footsteps, making their way up towards them. Y/N and Sirius pulled away to look at who was approaching.
"Lily," Y/N said as she stood, moving away from Sirius. "What're you doing up here?"
And then James appeared behind her. He grinned when he saw the two of them, both of them breathless. "Thanks, mate," he said as he and Lily came up the stairs.
Y/N stared at Sirius. "What does he mean?" She asked, picking up her things. "Sirius, what does he mean by that?"
"Y/N, listen, you've got to understand-"
But that was enough for her. Y/N turned on her heel and walked away from him, running down the steps and back to the common room.
Sirius spent the next few weeks trying to speak to her. He waited outside of her classrooms and tried to corner her in the common room, but Y/N marched away from him, a furious look on her face.
She was furious. Furious that Sirius had just asked her out for James' benefit, furious that she had fallen for him.
She was hurt, incredibly hurt.
She hated the way she felt around, the way he made her heart flutter. She hated the way his gaze heated her cheeks, hated the way her hand felt in his. She hated the way he smelt like cigarettes, hated the way he tasted of smoke and mint, and hated the way she loved it. She hated that he'd taken her on her first ever date and hated the way she loved it. But, most of all, she hated the way she didn't hate him.
Y/N sat in the common room, reading her book. She was constantly looking around, making sure Sirius didn't appear in front of her.
Suddenly, a couple of books appeared on the table in front of her. They were held together by a piece of twine, held together in a neat bow. Beneath the bow was a small note, her name written on it. Y/N grabbed a hold of it and turned it around.
'Forgive me? - S'
Y/N looked across the common room, meeting his gave. She gave him a quick nod and went back to her book, a grin splitting across her face.
#sirius black#sirius black imagine#sirius black x reader#sirius black x female reader#sirius black smut#sirius black x reader smut#sirius black fluff#sirius black x you#marauders#marauders imagine#marauders x reader#marauders fluff#marauders smut#marauders x you#marauders x reader smut#harry potter#harry potter imagine#harry potter x reader
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"Bâbut... Snivellus is a death eater..."
Listen here, you little shit. For Severus, he got neglected by BOTH parents (and it was implied that he was abused both physically and mentally as well.), gets bullied by two boys because he wanted to go to Slytherin (who sneers back and ends up getting bullied), almost gets killed and Sirius nor Remus gets any consequences other than detention (Really? Is his life worth detention and not Azkaban?), James flexes it to Lily and Lily starts believing James over the victim, Severus accidentally calls his bestfriend a mudblood over the heat of the situation (Lily was about to smile, when James literally used scorgify in his mouth), loses the person thay cared for him the most compared to others (Which Lily isn't even a good friend, so his life is messed up), with Remus and Sirius not maturing (Sirius still calls Severus "Snivellus", and Remus and Sirius spreading lies like "Severus was jealous of James" or "Lily never hated James," when it's the other way around!!! James was jealous of Severus because he existed and Lily was his best friend!
Now his blood supremacist friends are basically recruiting him, and helping him on the way! Basically, the "bad side" is his good side! They are the only ones who "cared" for him when he needed help! He was a death eater for a reason, and people manipulating him because he was vulnerable is a reason.
The audacity of stans trying to make a hotter version of SeverusâRegulus? Regulus is basically a walmart Severus but TimothĂŠe Chalamet dressed up in wizard robes! If Regulus was told as ugly, nobody would boohoo care about him.
Y'all only hate Severus and love Regulus because J.K. Rowling never made a Marauders era movie! Regulus is basically a blood supremacist with Voldemort shrines and posters who'd call Lily a mudblood! While Severus is basically bullied on a daily basis.
You guys got to see Severus's good and bad things! Like him "bullying" children, but saved the wizarding world. Literally, maybe he targeted children, but so did Minerva! Minerva literally targeted Neville and locked him outside of the Gryffindor common room when there's an apparent psycho killer, and humiliated him infront of everyone! But we all never see that because we are in Harry's POV, she favours himâshe only took points and she was apparently fair because Harry's BIASED!!! Just like how all Slytherins are portrayed because of Hagrid and Ron!!! She favours Gryffindor just like how Severus favours Slytherin, except she takes big points away (which is from Gryffindors she doesn't like) and when she's infront of the professors!
Severus is a morally grey character, and Regulus? We basically time skipped him, we skipped all of the bad things he has done while we never skipped Severus's, that's why you don't have a bad opinion about him, but really! In the Marauders timeline, Regulus was a Voldemort fanboy while Severus literally had stuff happening.
This is why you don't hate James Potter, you guys basically skipped HIS timeline and moved to Harry's, which Severus is portrayed to be this big bad bully until DH! And that's why Harry "Snape's #1 Biggest Hater" Potter's vision changed to "Snape's #1 Biggest Defender", just like how his vision changed from "My father is a great man" to "I fucking hate my own father".
But you guys are so deep into these fanfics like CR (Crimson Rivers) or ATYD (All the Young Dudes) that you all forget about canon lore! He physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, and mentally exhausted Severus! We're not throwing the SA word around, because lets think of this:
âââ
Lily let out a stream of mixed swearwords and hexes, but her wand being ten feet away, nothing happened.
âWash out your mouth,â said James coldly. âScourgify!â
Pink soap bubbles streamed from Lilyâs mouth at once; the froth was covering her lips, making her gag, choking her â
âLeave her ALONE!â
James and Sirius looked around. Jamesâs free hand jumped to his hair again.
It was one of the boys from the lake edge. He had black hair that fell to his shoulders and startlingly onyx eyes.
âAll right, Snape?â said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper, more mature.
âLeave her alone,â Severus repeated. He was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. âWhatâs she done to you?â
âWell,â said James, appearing to deliberate the point, âitâs more the fact that she exists, if you know what I mean...â
Many of the surrounding watchers laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent on his book, didnât, and neither did Severus.
âYou think youâre funny,â he said coldly. âBut youâre just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave her alone."
Behind her, the Impediment Jinx was wearing off. Lily was beginning to inch toward her fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.
âBad luck, Prongs,â said Sirius briskly, turning back to Evans. âOY!â
But too late; Lily had directed her wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of Jamesâs face, spattering his robes with blood.
James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Lily was hanging upside down in the air, her robes falling over her head to reveal skinny legs and a skirt.
Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter. Severus, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though he was going to smile, said, âLet her down!â
âCertainly,â said James and he jerked his wand upward. Evans fell into a crumpled heap on the ground.
Disentangling herself from her robes, she got quickly to her feet, wand up, but Sirius said, âPetrificus Totalus!â and Lily keeled over again at once, rigid as a board.
âLEAVE HER ALONE!â Severus shouted. He had his own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.
âAh, Snape, donât make me hex you,â said James earnestly.
âTake the curse off her, then!â
James sighed deeply, then turned to Lily and muttered the countercurse.
âThere you go,â he said, as Lily struggled to her feet again, âyouâre lucky Snape was here, Evans ââ
âI donât need help from filthy little Mudbloods like him!" (Severus is canonically a Mudblood because he has dirty bloodâMuggle blood)
Severus blinked.
âFine,â he said coolly. âI wonât bother in future. And Iâd wash your skirt if I were you, Evans.â
âApologize to Snape!â James roared at Evans, his wand pointed threateningly at her.
âI donât want you to make her apologize,â Severus shouted, rounding on James. âYouâre as bad as she is.â
âWhat?â yelped James. âIâd NEVER call you a â you-know-what!â
â[...], walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can â Iâm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.â
He turned on his heel and hurried away.
âSnape!â James shouted after him, âHey, SNAPE!â But he didnât look back.
âWhat is it with him?â said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him.
âReading between the lines, Iâd say he thinks youâre a bit conceited, mate,â said Sirius.
âRight,â said James, who looked furious now, âright ââ
There was another flash of light, and Evans was once again hanging upside down in the air.
âWho wants to see me take off Evansâs skirt?â
âââ
Now, let's see if this isn't messed up. This is humiliating! Why did Severus leave his female best friend when she was being PA'd and SA'd by a male! Why did he take out his wand too late? Why is he such a coward?
Gender roles do matter in this context, no matter if Severus considers this as SA or not, it's SA and he got his pants stripped down, but it doesn't matter, he's a boy isn't he?
If this was Lily, everyone would care, but no! It's greasy, slimy, old Snape, and he's a boy.
Sirius nor James used dark spells, but they were pretty much using hexes so it doesn't matterâthey are basically baby DE bullies but Gryffindors.
Stop attacking Severus and start thinking about this, because he was just a boy.
A lot of people (Not all) cared for Harry when Myrtle basically tried to SA him, why not Severus? He was stripped infront of the whole school! (Not invalidating Harry's trauma), this is just so messed up.
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gf billie eilish thoughts đ (fluffy ver)
summary: this is just what i daydream about on the daily đ i am very down bad...
author's note: first post here. i am very nervous lol. hope you guys enjoy <3
word count: 521 (bullet points)
⢠loves to buy you things, obviously. clothes, jewelry, and anything else you might want. doesn't matter how expensive you are, if you want it, it's yours
⢠loves to drive you everywhere too. drives with one hand on the wheel while the other rests on your thigh (RAHHHDGDGD)
⢠loves backhugging you and kissing your face/neck. doing the dishes? surprise backhug. folding laundry? surprise backhug
⢠physical touch in general is huge in the relationship. she really can't keep her hands off of you sometimes and you don't mind one bit
⢠always writing and performing songs specifically for you. they're special songs, not to be heard by anyone else except you.
⢠expect a lot of laughter in the relationship. I'm talking holding onto each other for dear life, rolling around the floor, tears falling out of eyes laughter. she'd always be making you laugh and vice versa
⢠cute Instagram posts of the both of you. she takes lots of adorable mirror selfies where you two have on coordinating outfits. she also loves taking more candid photos of you.
⢠when you go with her to promotional shoots, she'll always sneak in a kiss during breaks.
⢠when she's away on tour or doing more promo stuff (and you can't make it) she will call you every day that she's gone and always asks how you're doing ("hey pretty girl, just checking on you")
⢠when she's in the studio alone, she loves when you sit with her, even if the two of you don't speak; just existing in the same space is enough
⢠lets you wear her huge shirts. she can't get enough of you in them
⢠lets you play with her rings whenever you want, especially when you're anxious about something
⢠LOVES having you in her lap whenever
⢠loves cooking cute little vegan recipes with you. although there might be a lot more kissing and tomfoolery than cooking...
⢠she cares so much about you that she doesn't even think about herself sometimes
⢠she loves getting your opinion on her outfits for the day
⢠also loves hearing your opinion on music she's working on. she deeply appreciations any and all feedback you give her. you might even help with small background vocals sometimes.
⢠protective over you. not in a unhealthy, toxic way; she's just always looking out for you <3
⢠gets a little jealous sometimes too. again, not in an unhealthy way. for instance, maybe you're at an after party after an award show and someone's a bit too flirtatious with you; billie will walk over and just silently wrap her arm around your waist. it honestly makes you melt every time.
⢠she's your BIGGEST fan and your BIGGEST motivator.
⢠of course you're with her for certain red carpet events and the both of you always steal the show. billie will always kiss your cheek in front of all the photographers just to make you giggle.
⢠she never forgets to mention you in her speeches when she wins an award and she will always look directly at you and blow you the biggest kiss
⢠she just. loves you so much. she loves so deeply and intensely.
#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fic#billie eilish fluff
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underneath the surface
umm so iâm back.. kind of? this fic was a rollercoaster but i hold it very near and dear to my heart. i hope you all enjoy it and find some comfort in it because i definitely do <3
warnings: no warnings just some medical jargon and talks of endometriosis!
Alexia has always been credited for her attentiveness.
Most people say that itâs the reason sheâs such a good captain, and of course, she denies to everybody that she just goofs around less than some of her teammates.
But, inevitably, itâs true, Alexia is a lot more attentive than other people. She pays attention to the small things, the under the surface things, things that most people wouldnât bat an eyelid at.
Although, in her opinion, she doesnât need to be observant nor attentive to be curious about this one part of your relationship.
It doesnât take brilliant observation skills to recognise a pattern, from the age of two most people are able to recognise patterns. For a two year old, itâs colours and shapes and different farm animals. For Alexia itâs become an observation.
Itâs routine, a pattern, a constant repeat in your relationship that for the first few months she ignored.
Like a broken record constantly repeating itself, every month, without fail, you disappeared for a couple of nights.
Not literally, for those days youâll retreat of the pitch and inside to the gym but Alexia still sees you everyday, and for the most part, youâll still go out for coffee with her and go on walks together, but for at least three nights, sometimes up to 7, there are no sleepovers, no late night movie binges, no dinners.
It went unnoticed by Alexia for longer than normal, love was Alexiaâs biggest weakness and it subtly impaired her abilities to be as observant as she prided herself.
Who could blame her? It was hard to be detail oriented when she was too busy enjoying the puppy dog love that came from realising that she was so in love with her life with you, even if it was still relatively new.
But, even with her focus partially impaired, it didnât take a whole lot of skills to recognise the abnormality of what was occurring.
It was particularly abnormal, because for every other day of the month, you spent your nights at Alexiaâs. Alexia would even go as far to say that you're pretty much moved into her apartment. Your dog had a bed in her apartment, your training kit and bag had a permanent spot at her door, most of your clothes were now sitting next to Alexiaâs in her wardrobe.
Your apartment, for the most part, existed purely for the sake of storing all of your furniture. Alexia had brought up leasing it, youâd been dating for almost a year now and whilst it was a short time to move in with each other, the two of you spent so much time together that to her it made the most sense. Beyond that, it was her way of testing the water, to see if her observation was as real as she began to think it was.
Your immediate denial of the idea confirmed what she had been beginning to think.
Originally, sheâd thought that maybe you were overwhelmed from constantly being around Alexia, it was a lot being at training together all day and then heading home to each other.
It didn't make sense though.
When you were together, you were attached at the hip. You were both naturally clingy towards each other and after questioning Mapi about it, as ambiguously as she could, she was backed up in that it wasnât normal behaviour for an overwhelmed person to be so eager to be so connected.
So, the theory was canned and when the following month the same thing happened, Alexiaâs curiosity peaked once again.
She moved onto a theory that maybe it was some kind of homesickness, that you just needed to sleep in your own bed a couple of nights every month.
But not only did you constantly complain about your own apartment and how unhomey it felt in comparison to Alexiaâs, it was always the same week every month.
Which should have been the biggest clue, and yet for whatever reason it had completely slipped past Alexia.
It was only when one of the team doctors had approached Alexia about her cycle changing, that it all clicked for her.
Alexiaâs period had skipped, and theyâd logged it a couple of months ago. Obviously, without noticing, it had been because the two of you had synched up, which made plenty of sense.
Alexiaâs period was an inconvenience, but it wasnât a true bother, just something she had to put up with. In all honesties though, for her, her period was nothing to her, she had hardly any symptoms, her body functioned the exact same way, everything was almost the exact same.
Yet, every month, when apparently your period came around, you happened to disappear for a couple of days. Alexia would have loved to think it was a coincidence, but with her new knowledge, she decided to put it to test.
She wasnât surprised, when the following month her own period came, a couple of days later you were back to hiding out at your place for a couple of nights.
Like lightwork, when you came back to Alexia, you were the exact same, like nothing had happened, and yet Alexia was certain that there was something being hidden underneath the surface.
A lot of people were insecure about their period, Alexia had grown up in a house full of girls, her period had been anything but stigmatised, and she was grateful for that.
She was self aware enough though to know that not everybody was fortunate enough to have that same experience. She was also aware that unfortunately, sometimes peoples partners could be unaccepting and close minded about those kinds of things.
So, when the following month, Alexia got her period and without fail, four days later you mentioned that you would drive yourself to training so that you could head back to your apartment afterwards, Alexia was already plotting away.
She had time to think about it during video review that day, there wasnât a lot to focus on then when the team was coming off of a 4-0 win to Atletico and anything that was of importance, aAlexia had already noted when sheâd watched the immediately after the game.
It was a sound plan in her mind, chocolate, a heat pack, your favourite italian takeaway, Alexiaâs favourite hoodie that you always tried to steal and your favourite blanket from her apartment.
Alexia wanted you to know that you could be just as comfortable in her home, regardless of what was happening. Hopefully, in knowing that, youâd let go of the part of you that was so clearly avoiding Alexia.
Alexia, above being observant, liked to be a problem solver. She liked to take initiative, she liked to fix things.
So, after a shower and a quick snack when sheâd returned home, she packed up all of the supplies. On the way to your apartment, which she hadnât visited in months, she picked up food and then was on her way.
In the early months of your relationship, it had just been easier for the two of you to spend time at Alexiaâs because it was closer to the training grounds and more lived in.
Whilst youâd been living in Barcelona now for nearly three years, your home was still in England, and it had been hard for you to fully settle into Barcelona even if it was your home for now.
Alexia knew it, so sheâd welcomed you into her home with open arms. It had been heartwarming for her to slowly watch you integrate yourself into Alexiaâs life, it made her happier then anything else.
So, she made her mind up that whatever this bump was, she was going to help you get over it, so that she could have all of you, and most importantly so you would feel like Alexia cared.
The feeling that Alexia got as she pulled up next to your car in the lot of your apartment was chilling, in her gut it felt like something was wrong. It was a feeling that set into Alexia's stomach as she stepped out of her car and hurried to collect her things before making her way over to the elevator.
Alexia stays as composed as she can manage, even though on the inside, the worry is starting to set in.
Itâs not like theoretically she has anything to worry about, itâs not like this is an abnormal situation, but the weird feeling in Alexiaâs stomach is putting her off and the only thing that she can think will make it better is seeing your face.
All Alexia wants to do is wrap you up in her arms for a moment, for her own peace of mind, to stop the off feeling that has been resonating inside of her as sheâs tried to get to the bottom of this problem, thatâs not really a problem. Itâs an inconsistency, and one thing about Alexia is that she doesnât like inconsistency. She fixes problems, she doesnât enjoy living life whilst there is something that isnât quite right, and she needs to make this right.
Alexia knocks at your door quietly, two little raps that she hopes you hear.
When she receives nothing in response, she knocks again, this time a little bit louder.
Alexia waits a few seconds, whilst itâs been a couple of hours since your session there is the off chance that you're in the shower or bath.
After quite a bit of waiting with no noises from the other side of the door, Alexia knocks once more, already pulling her keychain from her pocket and feeling for the spare key to your apartment.
When she finds it, she pulls it up to the lock, waiting just a few more seconds before slotting it into the keyhole and twisting it until it clicks.
The first thing Alexia notices is that your apartment is completely pitch black and if it werenât for the fact that she saw your car earlier, she might have just left.
Alexia tiptoes her way through the entryway and into your kitchen, itâs hard to see much with all of the blinds pulled shut and none of the lights on, so she blindly feels around for the light switch until she finally finds it and flicks it.
The immediate groan that comes from the direction of your couch definitely does not go unnoticed by Alexia.
âLights off.â
As fast as she can, Alexia turns the light back off, before curiously tiptoeing over to the edge of your couch.
Youâre a lump under a pile of blankets, but sheâs able to make out the shape of your body underneath it.
âHey baby.â
You groan again, and the feeling in Alexiaâs stomach only gets worse.
Alexia takes a few steps forwards, assessing you in front of her.
Her hand reaches out tentatively for you, she feels around the mass of blankets until she feels a part of your body underneath the pile of fluff, she follows the lump until she makes her way up to your head.
Your whole body is warm, or the blankets are warm, she isnât actually quite sure where the blankets end and your body starts.
âWhy are you here?â
Your voice is all croaky, and Alexia is certain you must be sick and sheâs somehow missed all the symptoms of it.
âI wanted to spend the night with you.â
Alexiaâs hand finally finds a bit of skin on your neck and she traces her fingers until she finds your jawline.
âGo home, Ale.â
The sound of your voice is making Alexia antsy, she canât believe sheâs missed the fact that you are sick.
âNo, bebita, youâre sick and Iâm here to look after you. I have your favourite food and chocolate, we can cuddle up in bed and you can sleep this off. I brought my hoodie for you.â
Alexia turns your head up, so your hair is peaking out of the blanket mound and she can see your squinted eyes.
âIâm not sick, Alexia.â
You keep your eyes crammed shut for the sake of not making the pounding headache you have any worse.
âBebita, youâre all hot and croaky, itâs okay to be sick, Iâm here to look after you.â
If you werenât working so hard to keep your eyes closed youâd roll them, but that seems like far too much work for right now.
âAlexia Iâm not sick, Iâm just on my period.â
Alexiaâs brow furrows, if your eyes werenât closed youâd catch it. Itâs the same furrow that always happens when Alexia thinks somebody else is wrong and sheâs right.
âBebita, this seems like a little bit more than a period. Itâs okay, Iâm here.â
You groan and Alexia recoils slightly.
âItâs just my period.â
Your deadpan makes Alexia confused.
âYour period shouldnât be this bad. Are you having some heatstroke? Itâs been warm out today, or are you having a migraine? You need to remember to hydrate.â
Your head is throbbing and Alexiaâs theories arenât helping.
âI have endometriosis Alexia, this is what my period looks like.Itâs not fucking heatstroke or a sickness itâs just how my body is..â
Out of everything Alexia had been suspecting, that wasnât it.
It suddenly dawns on Alexia that she canât fix what youâve just told her, sheâs standing in front of you completely dumbfounded at what to do in this moment.
Alexia is a problem solver, she finds solutions for the biggest and smallest problems, and yet she doesnât have a solution for the problem she is being faced with.
âBaby, just go home, the first night for me is always the worst, if I feel better I can hang out with you tomorrow.â
Alexia doesnât have a solution to the pain you are going through, but she knows she isnât going to let you suffer alone. The information that youâve been doing this by yourself for a year now is making Alexia feel like the worst girlfriend ever and sheâs going to change that.
âNo, bebita, no. Iâm staying here tonight, Iâm here for you mi vida. Would it make you feel better if we got you into bed or into a bath? Whatâs going to make you more comfortable? Have you had medication? How about some food?â
When another groan leaves your lips, Alexia becomes aware that sheâs approaching this the wrong way.
âHow about I go and put the food in your kitchen and you decide whatâs going to make you feel best. Iâm here for whatever you need, okay?â
Alexia quietly tiptoes back into your kitchen, taking her time to put her things away and pulling two bottles of water from your fridge before making her way back into your living room.
Youâve emerged from your pile by the time she is back, your eyes are still closed but just seeing your face makes Alexiaâs nerves settle just a little bit.
âCan we go to my bed, please?â
Alexia smiles at you softly.
âOf course amor, do you want me to carry you or do you think you can walk?â
The apprehension on your face is enough of a answer for Alexia.
She walks over towards you, picking up your blanket fort and body like itâs nothing and gently lifting you up, stepping carefully in the direction of your bedroom.
You groan out at the change of position, nothing feels good at the moment but Alexiaâs arms are more comforting than the scratchy material of your couch cushions.
When she makes it to your bed, she lowers you down like you are the most delicate piece of glass, making sure that youâre tucked underneath the sheets before easing you out of your arms.
âDo you need anything? Heat pack? Water? Talk?â
Again, all Alexiaâs words do is make the itching pain all over your body ten times worse, itâs all consuming and makes you feel choked.
âBed, hugs, thatâs all I want.â
Alexia is antsy, she wants to make the pain you are in better, she wants to know what to do right now instead of being completely blind in the situation.
âAre you sure? How about some pain relief or a cold compress?â
Alexia is no doctor, and up until five minutes ago she had absolutely no idea about this whole situation and whether she feels like she can admit it or not sheâs terrified about it all.
Sheâs made up her mind that as soon as you're asleep sheâs going to go on a deep dive of google searches to get to the bottom of this whole situation, but that will have to wait.
âAlexia, if you want to be here, just get into bed and give me some fucking hugs. Iâm not in the mood to be told what to do with my body when Iâve been dealing with this for years, make up your mind of whether you want to be here or not.â
Alexia avoids conflict with you at all costs, sheâs earned the title around your football friends of being your puppy dog, because she simply agrees to anything and everything that leaves your lips, and hearing you remotely mad at her makes her crumble.
âSorry bebita, Iâm so sorry, youâre right. Iâm here for whatever you need.â
Alexia makes quick work of slipping her shoes off, something she never got around to in the darkness of your entryway.
She follows by taking her socks and outer layers off, stripping down until sheâs in her tank top and a pair of old Barcelona training shorts.
Once sheâs done she creeps around to the other side of your bed, slipping underneath the covers as subtly as she can manage.
When sheâs completely covered, she lies back, unsure of how to approach all of this new information.
âYouâre lying like a rigid corpse.â
Alexia gulps, she can see you in her peripherals, you look absolutely exhausted and in the kindest way possible, ten years older with the amount of wrinkles across your skin, bumps and ridges she can only imagine are the tightness holding in all of the struggle that youâre going through underneath the surface.
âAlexia, Iâm okay, Iâm not dying.â
Alexia knows theoretically that is true, she doesnât have endometriosis and sheâs not close to anybody who does, but she knows what it is. She knows itâs not cancer or something life-threatening, but the depth of the realisation that youâve been suffering for so long and have kept it from Alexia is slowly pulling her apart at the seams.
You roll over slightly, it causes shocks of pain to go up and down your back and stomach, but you need the comfort as much as Alexia does, even if she isnât ready to accept it.
Sheâs going through her process, compartmentalising all of it so she can be the brave and stoic face she always is.
Youâre used to it, and youâve come to realise that even though in these kinds of situations it seems like Alexia needs to be left alone, in reality she needs to be kept close by her nearest and dearest.
So, you worm your way on top of her body, it makes the cramps ten times worse and the nausea takes control of your stomach, forcing somersault after somersault, but when Alexiaâs arms reach around you out of instinct itâs worth it.
Youâre in pain, your uterus feels like itâs got knives embedded along the lining of it, like there are needles poking in and out of your back and gunshots being fired across your lower abdomen. But youâre well used to it, youâre used to the feeling of needing to throw up from having such intense throbbing pain across your whole core.
Youâre used to the pounding headaches and migraines that come naturally from your body being so inflamed and agitated that all the tension eventually spreads to every single inch of your body, from the tips of your fingers to the edges of your toes.
Your head settles on Alexiaâs shoulder, and her hand snakes itâs way down to the outside of your thigh, sheâs being more cautious than sheâs ever been with you and the normal you would probably be heartwarmed by her sweetness but the part of you that is currently seeing the worst kind of stars because of the cramps coursing through your body is just desperate to climb into her bones now that she is here with you.
Itâs been ingrained in you since you were a kid that it was best to not bother other people with your weakness, it was your own struggle, your own burden.
Youâd kept it from Alexia for this sole purpose, for the purpose that you knew she would take it all on as her problem, that she would try and fix it all and spend all of her time and energy trying to solve it all when you just wanted her to treat you the exact same.
She treated you like a princess everyday, but add a crippling reproductive condition and you knew sheâd treat you like a priceless artefact. You were grateful you had a person in your life who would move heaven and earth in such a way for you but it was suffocating sometimes, when you were functioning on a normal level.
It was with those thoughts running rampant in your head that you slipped off into the same light sleep that you were lucky to drift into in these circumstances.
Whilst you drifted off, Alexia was left alone with her own thoughts.
Insecurity wasnât something Alexia experienced often, she was secure in her body, she is as secure in her football as she has been since her knee injury, sheâs secure in her family and up until today she felt completely secure in her relationship.
Now, she doesnât know how she feels.
She knows that itâs likely you have a good reason to have kept this a secret, or a reason that youâve justified to yourself. She knows underneath it all, youâre the one whoâs secretly been hiding a big insecurity from her and she has no right to be truly mad about it, sheâs disappointed that you havenât felt able to share this with her when it feels like Alexia has bared all of her deepest, boniest secrets with you.
She does what makes sense, she reaches for her phone from her short pocket and begins to google all of the big questions that are swirling around in her mind.
You might have wanted to keep this a secret from Alexia but now that she knows about it sheâd be a bad girlfriend if she didnât educate herself on this.
So, instead of drifting off to sleep, Alexia drifts off into the land of medical journals and words that she doesnât understand the meaning of but sheâs determined to figure out.
You wake up in the morning in less of a state of excruciating suffering, instead of being stuck in a fiery inferno of hell you feel like you're dancing more on the periphery.
Your body is warm, in a way that makes you feel less like your insides are scorching you from the inside and more like you're generally just hot.
It feels like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon as you try to unroll from the blankets that youâd swaddled yourself in the night beforehand in an attempt to try and make yourself feel as small as possible in hopes it would somehow shrink down everything you were feeling.
Itâs a feverish dream, and as you recall your night, blotches begin to come back to you and the memory of your girlfriend appearing somewhere along the way makes the dull cramps across the front of your stomach beat in a way that makes you uncomfortably uneasy all over again.
As you assess your surroundings and open your eyes for what feels like the first time in months, you notice that Alexia is no longer in bed with you.
Itâs all extremely faint in your head and there is an off chance youâve dreamt it all up, but the very faint smell of coffee drifting through the air and folded up clothes sitting on the dresser on the wall across from your bed.
Youâre feeling less deathly than last night, so you wager your chances with slowly sitting up in your bed, when you donât feel any different you begin to lift your legs up.
Your muscles ache in the same way they do every time your period comes around, they tweak and they constrict like youâre an eighty year old instead of a twenty something.
Itâs rough, itâs uncomfortable and itâs painful but itâs life.
Itâs your life, itâs your burden, itâs your problem and knowing that Alexia is now a part of it all makes you queasy in a completely different way.
Your heavy on your feet as you stand up and begin to creep towards the door of your bedroom, with every step every one of your toes grinds against the floorboards. Your heel digs in, your ankles crunch, your body moves in a way that mirrors the way that you are crumbling from within. On these kinds of days, weeks and months, everything hurts. Everything is an effort.
Once you make it to your open door, you steady yourself against it, your nerves are working against you, everything inside of you is actively trying to stop you and youâll be damned if you let it happen.
You only stand still long enough for it to be classified in your brain as a stall, not a break, not a stop. You canât stop in times like this, if you stop then youâll never get going again and that is a whole pit of fuckedupness that you arenât ready to dive into.
From the door, you try your hardest to tiptoe your way through the hallway to your living space, but itâs impossible in your body.
As you inch closer, the sound of Alexia only becomes more apparent and obvious, and as you creep closer the agitation across your body only gets worse.
As you reach the archway between your hallway and living space, the sight in front of you makes your heart throb and your uterus ache even worse then it already is.
Alexia is swaying in your kitchen, apparently to whatever music she has playing in her head. There is coffee on the counter, accompanied by two bottles of juice and water, like she couldnât decide what would be best. To accompany the extra drinks is toast, eggs, bacon and pancakes on the stove.
Itâs too much.
With the combination of hormones in your bloodstream youâre honestly impressed that you donât burst into tears.
Alexiaâs still here.
Alexia, sweet, loyal Alexia.
Youâve been conditioned to keep all of this a secret, that during this week itâs best to keep yourself and everything youâre going through hidden, for the best of yourself and for everyone around you. Yet, here Alexia is doing way too much for you.
Youâre downward spiralling when her voice breaks you out.
âHey bebe.â
Her voice is close to a coo, the same voice she uses with Ireneâs son. You donât let it affect you in the moment, but youâll think about the tactic of it later.
âI have food for you, and coffee if you want it, but google told me that sometimes thatâs not always good for endometriosis. So I got juice as well, because google also said it might help with inflammation.â
The thought behind it is extremely sweet, and you feel slightly overwhelmed by all of the options.
âYou didnât need to do that for me.â
Alexia frowns, itâs slight and hardly noticeable, but the little wrinkle between her eyebrows is an immediate tell.
âI wanted to, I want to help you, however I can.â
The sentiment behind her words is lost in the sudden shock that you experience as her words settle in, youâve never met a single person, besides a doctor whose job it was to help you, that gave a shit about this.
When you have no words, Alexia finds some for you.
âI want to talk to you about this, I want to know about it, I want to help you. Weâre partners, we do everything together, and I want to do this with you. I donât want you to lock me out and I donât want you suffering alone. Iâm here for this, Iâm here for you to lean on.â
You nod your head, her words feel like a drug, like itâs lifting away some of the pain youâre going through.
âIâm serious, this isnât something you can hide from me. You looked after me when I hurt my knee and I am here to look after you in the same way when youâre in pain. Bebita?â
Alexiaâs hand falls to your side, caressing your hip gently.
âIâm not used to people knowing about this, and Iâm even more not used to people caring, Iâm sorry, itâs just a lot to process.â
Alexiaâs face softens, and before you can say any other stupid mumbles, she pulls you from the hip into her body. Her arms are warm, and yet oddly they soothe your prickly skin.
You melt into Alexia, you feel like shit but she makes you feel marginally better.
âCoffee, or juice?â
You stifle a giggle that falls from your lips.
âJuice, please.â
Alexia relaxes her arms, taking a step back.
âCan I get you any pain relief, or a new heat pack? Is your headache better?â
Alexia looks at you with so much genuine care that itâs hard to not feel embarrassed.
âPain relief doesnât sit well in my stomach on a good day. I save heat packs for when the cramps are really bad or else they donât have the same effect. My headaches normally are at the end of the day as a result of tension build up during the day.â
Alexia looks as if sheâs taking mental note of everything youâve just told her, for later.
âHow about some food, hmm?â
You want to say yes, because Alexiaâs clearly gone to so much effort for you, but you know that if you eat this early and then train your stomach contents is going to end up on a pitch or somewhere inconvenient.
âMy stomach wonât keep it if we train later, Iâm better to eat afterwards.â
Alexiaâs brow furrows once again.
âI called the doctor and Pere this morning, weâre both taking today off.â
Everything warm and good about the moment fades, and suddenly all you feel is confusion.
âWhy did you do that?â
Alexia steps away from you and retreats into your kitchen, grabbing a glass for you and picking up the bottle of juice that she knows you prefer.
âBecause I thought you were dying last night, and you canât tell me that all of that has just disappeared this morning. Youâre struggling and you donât need to push through pain to prove that you are worthy or good enough. Youâre self worth shouldnât be dictated by you proving to yourself that you can work through a chronic disease. Iâm sorry that I didn't notice earlier and that I wasn't there for you earlier but I'm here to advocate for you now.â
You want to tell Alexia that you donât need an advocate, you can advocate just fine for yourself. But a part of you knows that she doesnât want to hear it and that part of you is also the part that is crippling from the inside and simply doesnât have the energy to argue with your girlfriend.
âI train just fine normally.â
Alexia canât argue that, even though you spend the time in the gym, sheâs never heard of anything out of the ordinary occurring.
âBut you donât have to. In fact when I talked to our doctor she told me that sheâd been insisting on you being more cautious of your cycle and spending more time resting during it considering your history.â
You roll your eyes, taking the glass of juice Alexia offers you.
Alexia plates up a breakfast that could feed a family of four, but it makes you feel less bad for not eating any of it.
âItâs my body, I know my limits.â
You focus on your glass of juice and not the face Alexia makes at you.
âYou know how to continuously meet and exceed your limits, but what about just leaving them and giving yourself some peace. I know nothing about what you are going through, I can only sympathise. But I know this must be incredibly hard and I know you definitely do not give yourself enough grace and definitely donât care for your needs enough. Iâm here for you to confide in, Iâve done my research, Iâm prepared to help however you need.â
Itâs endearing how clearly prepared Alexia has made herself.
âYouâve done your research, hmm?â
Alexia nods proudly.
âLots of it. Like about how orgasms can help with cramps.â
She looks like sheâs going to say more, but you splutter your juice straight back into your cup, causing her to stop.
Alexiaâs always been more open with her sexuality then you are, itâs culturally more acceptable in Spain but she also grew up with it being slightly more normalised.
âAlexia.â
Her grin is broad, like sheâs proud that sheâs managed to embarrass you.
âItâs true! Although for some people endometriosis can cause pain whilst having sex, so if youâre one of those people then it may not work but if you want to try Iâm happy to help, fingers, toys, everything but mouths is on the table.â
Your blush only gets more cemented.
âIâm okay for right now, the thought of any kind of intimacy makes my fallopian tubes ache.â
Alexia nods her head, you are certain that sometime in the future this topic will arise again. Alexiaâs rabbit-like sex drive makes it hard to not involve sex in everything you do together.
âCan I ask what your symptoms normally look like?â
Alexiaâs lip is caught between her teeth, itâs the first time sheâs looked nervous this entire conversation.
âOf course. Normally for me, I get bad pelvic pain which never really goes away, sweats, fever sometimes, cramps everywhere, i bloat, i get quite nauseous and occasionally it can make me moody. Furthermore, it can cause me to have migraines, some joint pain, insomnia, there are other things but those are the main ones. Overall it just makes me drained, iâm more fatigued but I canât sleep, it makes me feel pretty lifeless.â
Alexia nods, she listens to every single word with so much attention.
âI always assumed the scars on your stomach were from getting your appendix removed, but Iâm assuming now itâs a laparoscopy?â
Youâre impressed by the level of detail Alexia has gone to for you.
âI have had my appendix removed but also yes, Iâve had two laparoscopyâs and Iâm putting off getting my third done.â
Alexia nods.
âDo they make it better?â
You bite your lip before nodding.
âItâs never perfect, but for a bit it definitely makes my symptoms better. Iâm putting off getting my next one because the last time I did it put me out of action for two months and it took me a while to get back to where I was. My body is different, it changes you. Before you ask, Iâve tried birth control, Iâve tried IUDâs, Iâve tried other forms of contraception, they all made it impossible for me to play football.â
Alexia shakes her head.
âI wasnât going to ask you that, itâs your decision what you do and donât put in your body, and Iâm sure youâre just making whatever decisions work best for you.â
Itâs refreshing having somebody not question what you do and donât do for yourself.
âThat means a lot to me.â
Alexia puts down her cutlery, her food somehow disappearing into her stomach.
âItâs just what love is, and Iâm here to love you for forever, if youâll let me.â
Youâve put off crying, youâve tried your very best, but itâs not possible anymore.
The tears fall freely, and before you know it Alexia has pulled you into her lap.
It hurts, everything hurts, and yet everything feels so much better knowing youâre in her arms.
âIâve got you bebita, Iâm here now, Iâm here to help you work this all out.â
ââââââââââââââââââââââ
whelp thatâs done! thoughts, feedback and general opinions would be appreciated! iâm so happy to have made something for yall and itâs rushed and super unedited and definitely not my favorite work but i hope you enjoy it all the same đŤś
#woso#woso community#sammykworshipper thoughts#marry me rn#sammykworshipperfics#alexia putellas is mom#alexia putellas fic#alexia putellas angst#alexia x reader#alexis putellas#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas imagine#alexia putellas#woso fic#woso imagine#woso one shot#woso fanfics#woso appreciation#:)#barca femeni
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âAt least it's not ferociously attacking God quite as directly as Steven Universe didâŚâ
Not that Iâm surprised by this statement, but can you elaborate on this? Kinda intrigued by your thoughts on Steven Universe.
Okie dokie, youâre not the only one who has asked me about this, so I suppose Iâll poke the hornetâs nest. đ
I havenât talked about this before because I assumed that everyone who wanted to hear my kinds of opinions on stories wasnât watching or interested in Steven Universe.
Itâs like asking vegetarian if they enjoyed a turkey dinner. The turkey dinner was so obviously not made for vegetarians to enjoy, so why would the vegetarian even bother analyzing the turkey?
But I think if some people are asking me why I think Steven Universe is anti-God (of the Bible) its because maybe they donât know what the turkey is. Not completely. (Maybe not you, because like you said, youâre not surprised by my comment.) So Iâll explain my thoughts on Steven Universe.
If youâre just following me because you liked some stuff I posted, but didnât realize that Iâm a Bible-believing Christian and donât want to hear about it, unfollow me now. Because Iâm going to talk about some hot button issues here and the trolls will come out.
Steven Universe is really well-done. The jokes are funny, the writing is believable, the characters have great chemistry, great design, the concept is fascinating, the slow build-up and reveal of the plot elements is great. But when you watch the throne room scene in the last episode of Season 5 âChange Your Mind,â itâs alarmingly clear how much the whole show is not just settling for defending and championing the LGBTQ+ worldviewâit goes all the way to attacking what Christians believe, on the other side.
Anything thatâs pro-LGBTQ+ is doing that by default, but this show goes out of its way to do that.
You have to understand: God created and designed us. Deeper than that; He created and designed romantic relationships, and invented marriage. He didnât just create loveâHe is love. So when humans come along and do what weâve always done since the fall, and say, âIâd rather define what Your thing is and how it works for myself, God,â itâs not only an incredible slap in the face, itâs an attack on Godâs actual identityâand itâs destructive for us and the people around us. Like a fish insisting it can breathe oxygen.
But Steven Universe goes beyond that. It knows that the Christian worldview is itâs biggest opposition. It digs right down to the heart of the worldview-battle. LGBTQ+ worldview says, âI should get to love what I want and be who I am, because Iâm me. Love is love. (By which I mean, any action or relationship I choose to call love is love, because Iâm the one calling it that.)â
Biblical worldview says âNo, wait, you shouldnât base your decisions on you alone; what you want changes day to day, and youâre broken, so you canât ever be satisfied based on what you wantâthe Bible says God made you for something, and you rejected that, and it broke you. Youâre not how youâre meant to be: even what you want and what you think love is is twisted up and can hurt you and others. But if you submit to God Heâll help you, Heâll fix whatâs broken and give you new life by making you how you were supposed to be: Heâll live in you and through you.â
Are we beginning to get the picture?
See, the whole thing with the opposing views between LGBTQ+ and Christian people is as old as time. Itâs not a new debate. Itâs Satan and Eve in the garden. She says, âThis is not how God said things should be,â and Satan says, âAre you sure thatâs what He said? He knows if you do this thing, youâll be like Him. Youâll be god: youâll get to decide âhow things should beâ for yourself.â
He lied and said that disobedience would satisfy her. That she knew what her own heart needed better than the God that made it did. That the very act of being imperfect would make her godlike.
And then Steven Universe comes along and says âif every pork chop were perfect, we wouldnât have hotdogs.â
And has a cast of created being characters whoâs imperfections (Garnetâs forbidden âlove,â Pearlâs obsession, Amethystâs insecurity) are supposedly âthe best thing about them; what makes them who they are.â
And has a main character who used to be a part of the god-like creator relationship, but used her power to come down to earth and completely change who she is into a fully different person.
And has a godlike Creator character who claims she âdoesnât needâ her created beings (just like the God of the Bible) but they all have a little part of their creator in them so she has to repress their imperfections; she holds them all to a standard thatâs impossible to reach called âperfectionâ and punishes them when they donât meet it even though it hurts them to try; she expects them all to do what they were created by her for; she fixes them when they canât meet her standard by shining her light through them and making them extensions of their Creator.
And has a main character who argues, fights back, tries to stop her, and is answered with lines that sound surprisingly like what LGBTQ+ people hear when Christians argue with them: âyouâre only making things worse; youâre just deceiving yourself; even while you resist it your actual light canât help shining through,â etc.
White Diamond just wants everything to be perfect. Like her. She just wants her created beings to âbe themselves.â But what she means is, be how she created them to be.
And sheâs the bad guy. Sheâs playing God in this show, and Rebecca Sugar is saying, âIf God is telling us that can only be happy by being perfect, as He is perfect, and doing what He created us to do, then Heâs wrong. Our imperfections are what make us specialâuniqueâindividualsâfreeâand there is nobody who has the right to take that freedom away from us, not even out creator!â
And you know what?
If God were like White Diamond, like Rebecca Sugar believes Him to be, Steven Universe would be right.
But He is NOT.
God is not a dictator who forces us to conform to a standard of perfection and then smashes us when we donât meet it. He is a King who made us perfect to begin with, and we rejected him, because He allowed us to do that. He knew that true love was love that had to be chosen, and He wanted us to love Him by choice, so he gave us the option. But Rebecca Sugar doesnât understandâthere was never âChoose God or Choose Yourself.â There was only, âChoose God or Choose Nothing.â There was nothing except God. Then He created everything. There is no version of reality where you have something better than God, or even slightly less good but different, to pick. Youâre not jumping from one ship into a smaller one, but at least itâs yoursâyouâre jumping from one ship into a void, and then complaining that thereâs no other ship. Thatâs humans. Thatâs not God. / White Diamond didnât make her creations perfect (Amethyst) and she didnât make them for love. She made them for power. Thatâs not the God of the Bible.
Even when we did choose to try and love ourselves instead of God, and therefore warped our ability to perfectly love at all, He didnât smash us. True, everything fell and was cursed, which is exactly what He warned us would happen if we chose it, but it was a natural consequence of breaking ourselves. And then He didnât leave us that way. He didnât give up on us. And He certainly didnât just zap us, snap His fingers, quick-fix it and turn us all into robots who are extensions of Him, who say they love Him but only because itâs His voice puppeting us to say it.
No. He came to us, chose to give up His life at the exact point on the timeline when Romans, masters in the art of slow, humiliating, torturous death, would be the ones to carry out His crucifixion, and saved us Himself. Through the sacrifice of His own life. And even then, we still have a choice. We get to choose to accept that incredible self-sacrifice when we donât deserve it, and be given new life and a relationship with the Creator who knows us and loves us better than we can love ourselves or receive love from othersâOR we can just keep stubbornly insisting that our slavery to the opposite of what God wants is somehow freedom, and our twisted versions of love are genuine, and weâre not broken, and die like that. Die broken creatures who lived their whole lives stomping their feet and screaming âIâm not a creature, Iâm a god!â
White Diamond sacrifices nothing, because Rebecca Sugar doesnât know the God of the Bible. She just knows her idea of Him. Sheâs never actually gotten to know Him. If she had, sheâd learn how silly and twisted her idea is.
Because you know what, yeah, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldnât have hot dogs. But people arenât pork chops. And hot dogs have flavor (not better than pork chops) but they are awful for you.
Christians arenât perfect cuts of meat with no individuality or flavor. Just because we all know and love the same God doesnât mean we have no personalities. It just means we donât think so freaking much about what we are, or who we get to be, or what we like and want. Jeez, what a self-centered, narcissistic, self-obsessed way to live. She plays Steven like heâs this wonder-child, innocent and full of heart, who encourages his friends to love and keep trying. But honestly?
This is very pretty animation but itâs not real. Steven looks happy hugging Steven but self-love doesnât ultimately get you that.
Thatâs all based on the premise that what heâs encouraging them to do is actually good, and will make them happy, and will help them love better. And it just wonât. Not in real life. Thatâs not how any of this works. Self-love is just self-obsession. And that is a sure-fire way to hurt you, and everyone around you.
Youâll never be free by choosing to run to a worse master. Youâll never be satisfied with your crappy attempts at loving yourself, because you were made to be loved flawlessly and forever by someone who is Love Himself.
And choosing to identify with your imperfections doesnât make you uniquely you. It just makes you exactly like every other human being marching in the same line since the Fall.
White Diamondâs not relational. Sheâs up high and distant. Thatâs not God. He made you to be in relationship with Him. He loves you, totally and perfectly, and He proved it by sacrificing for You.
So yeah. Thatâs the problem with Steven Universe. Come get me, SU fans.
#Steven universe#su#Pearl#amethyst#garnet#Steven universe fans#change your mind#white Diamond#Christianity#Christianâs#asked#answered#thanks#rattling the cage#Rebecca sugar
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Where is the line?
In the comics, Tim Drake's moral code is an enigma to me, particularly his stance on the Batclan's no-kill rule. For all the fans who say he's always one step away from full blown villainy, there are even more saying he's a strict goody two-shoes who could never stoop that low.
Then there's the different takes on where Tim draws the line between these two extremes. Personally, I find that line hard to pinpoint. Digging for canon demonstrations of his morals has lead me to more questions than answers. My biggest question right now is:
What counts as breaking the no-kill rule in Tim's eyes?
Luckily, the Robins 2021 comics shed some light on this. In issue #3, "Tim", or rather an imposter of him, said that choosing not to save someone isn't the same as killing them, and that letting a villain die can be a way to get justice. Normally, this point would be moot since it's not Tim himself who said it. However, at the end of issue #6, the real Tim clarified that what the imposter said WAS his real opinion on the matter.
Not only that, but Tim has shown this belief through his thoughts and actions before. Twice.
The first time goes all the way back to Robin 1991 #5. During the fight against King Snake, Tim kicked him through a nearby window, fifty stories above the ground. As King Snake's life hung in the balance, Shiva appeared and commanded Tim to kill him.
Tim refused. He walked away, leaving King Snake entirely at Shiva's mercy.
What gets me is that Tim made no move to save King Snake from falling. And he made no effort to stop Shiva from committing the murder, either. His only thought as he heard the man's scream was "Fifty stories is a long way to fall."
The second time was in Red Robin 2009 #26. Tim orchestrated a whole plan to manipulate Captain Boomerang into getting killed by Mr. Freeze. The whole time, Tim blamed Captain Boomerang for making all those bad choices, despite Tim being the one raising the chances of them being made. Tim believed he was innocent because he wasn't directly participating.
Tim then stopped that plan, but not for any noble reason. He decided that he couldn't let anyone else kill Captain Boomerang but himself.
Tim couldn't bring himself to do that, either. So he had to spare his father's killer in the end.
This seems pretty cut and dry so far, right? Tim believing that letting villains die is alright as long he doesn't do the deed himself? I'd think so too, if there weren't other moments contradicting this.
In Robin #35, Steph insisted on leaving an enemy who got buried under the snow to die. Tim chastised her for it.
Neither of them were responsible for the snow, or for the enemy getting trapped in it. Plus, that guy tried to kill them with a chainsaw moments prior, so he's not exactly an innocent damsel in distress.
Maybe it was because this enemy wasn't a big enough fish to fry. We didn't really get confirmation that this guy has actually killed before, and he's around goon status at best.
But then in Robin #46, Tim chose to save another enemy who got himself into a deadly situation. That enemy was a murderer known as Young El. This time, Tim wasn't telling anyone else why they should save a murderer's life out loud. These were his private thoughts.
Notice how Tim's inner monologue sounded kind of on-the-fence. He contemplated justice finally catching up with Young El as the floorboards gave way, bringing a support beam down on him in the process.
However, Tim immediately switched gears to rescue Young El from under that beam before the water rose too high.
But Tim, as he told Young El the reasons he's saving him, asked himself "Do I even believe what I'm saying?" He could be asking this about two different things he said here. A) "Maybe it's not too late for you to learn something, Young El.", or B) "Death's easier for you when it's the other guy. Death's never been easy for me."
For Tim to doubt his belief in either of these statements is very interesting. He could be questioning if Young El is already too far gone for redemption, or he could be questioning if seeing someone die has never been easy for himself. For all we know, it could be both.
Unfortunately, Tim never got to see if his choice to save him would pay off. Tim wasn't strong enough to lift that beam, and Young El drowned.
There's a question on my mind as I read these pages. What makes this murderer's death different from when Tim let King Snake fall to his "death"? Sure, King Snake didn't actually die, but Tim didn't know that until later when the man came looking for revenge in Gotham.
Tim was once able to simply walk away from what he was certain would be a killer's demise. But then he's consumed by guilt over not being able to prevent a different killer's death down the line, to the point of hallucinating.
On top of that, what changed Tim's mind later? Red Robin #26 and Robins 2021 #3-6 still happened in the future. The only significant difference I can tell is that these two comics involved the killer's of Tim's parents, making it personal. But if the Imposter from Robins 2021 got his beliefs from his profile before his mother's killer got involved, then does that still hold up?
Maybe we should put a pin on it for now. There are other things Tim's done that brings the details of his no-kill rule into question.
Such as that one time Tim actually killed someone with his bare hands.
In Robin issues #51-52, Tim accidentally killed Lady Shiva while drugged on amarilla, a plant that enhances the user's speed beyond human limitations.
It may be argued if the amarilla altered Tim's mind enough to excuse him of fault or not. However, I want to focus on what happened after Shiva was revived. Here's another question to go with the first one:
Does Tim believe the kill still counts if the victim was revived afterwards?
From what I've gathered, yes and no. It's kind of complicated.
After Tim killed Shiva, he was understandably distressed about it, about how he can never take it back.
But after Shiva came back to life? Nothing. He didn't dwell on the fact he broke the vow to never kill. For something that devastating to happen in his life, it's odd that Tim didn't bring it up ever again, privately or otherwise. Especially considering what happened later in Robin #123, when Tim thought he killed Johnny Warlock.
Tim was utterly inconsolable. He lost all faith in his abilities as Robin, and in himself as a whole. It also contributed to his decision to quit being Robin after his dad found out. In general, he seriously dwelled on that "kill" for a much longer time than he had after killing Shiva. The difference being that he knew Shiva was resuscitated immediately afterwards, while Tim didn't know Johnny survived until issue #141.
But there's the fact that Shiva really did die. Her heart and breathing both stopped. So are we to believe Tim moved on from that so easily because she's alive now? What happened to never getting that back?
Come to think of it, not long after Tim killed and revived Shiva, there was someone else who landed in that same boat. Dick.
In Joker: The Last Laugh #6, Dick brutally attacked the Joker after believing he killed Tim. Dick ended up accidentally killing Joker instead, before the clown was resuscitated.
Here's the thing. While Tim was trying to comfort Dick, saying that it's ok because Joker's alive now, Dick didn't believe so. He was still distraught that he killed someone. The fact Joker came back to life afterwards didn't matter to him. To Dick, it still counted. So what does that say about Tim?
Before we move on, there's another person Tim knows who also died and came back from the grave. Jason.
Tim openly acknowledged Jason was killed before coming back, too. Multiple times. For example, when they met up in Red Hood and the Outlaws 2011 #8.
Tim hadn't shown any signs that he thinks Jason's murder doesn't count anywhere, except for maybe once.
In Knight Terrors: Robin #2, Tim and Jason had a heart-to-heart, and Tim said something strange.
"You survived."
Except Jason didn't survive. He died. To say Jason survived that night would've meant he never died to begin with. Him being alive now doesn't change that. Was this Tim telling a white lie to make Jason feel better? Or does Tim see being revived after death as "surviving"?
Ok, now we can move onto the next question. Or rather, bear with me as we go back to the first question. It's a broad topic with plenty more to talk about.
What does Tim count as breaking the no-kill rule?
We already asked how Tim feels about bringing villains back from the dead after killing them. And we asked how Tim feels about leaving a villain to die without getting directly involved. However, we still don't know how much involvement Tim needs to have in an enemy's death before he'll take responsibility for it.
We can confirm he won't mercy kill in Red Robin #21, even if it means giving someone a fate worse than death. No exceptions.
Tim also doesn't allow anyone he's actively teaming up with to kill, especially if he's the one in command. He's been amicable with known killers before (Huntress and Pru, for example), but only when they remain non-lethal while working alongside him.
Apart from that, though, it becomes less clear. However, I think this is a good place to expand on when Tim blew up a lot of League of Assassins bases in Red Robin #8.
I'm not going into whether or not those explosions actually killed anyone. I've seen evidence supporting both sides of this debate, so I'm just going to say it's up to interpretation. What I AM talking about is whether or not Tim would've felt responsible if they had killed someone.
Before overloading every generator in the LOA database, Tim gave a warning to the Wanderer. He told her that he couldn't be held responsible for what would happen to her if she didn't leave.
After initiating the explosions, Tim warned the White Ghost that they had fifteen seconds to leave before it was too late.
Fifteen seconds. That explanation on the mistake of letting him in might've taken roughly another fifteen to twenty seconds. Did the other bases even get a full minute head start? The way some of the people were already running away could imply they at least got a warning, but it's possible they might not have.
Even if everyone in every base received a warning, would that be enough for Tim to avoid holding himself accountable if they didn't make it out in time? Tim's the one who rigged the bases to explode, but I guess giving someone a warning means it's now their fault for not heeding it?
We can't be sure he even considered the possibility of those explosions killing anyone. Tim knew they were dangerous enough to bring the whole Cradle down, and the other ones we saw looked pretty powerful (except the ones in Ra's hideout). But Tim also called Ra's a murderer right after that happened, which would've been very hypocritical if Tim himself thought he committed murder.
So, my guess is either A) Tim relied on sheer luck for those explosions not causing any casualties and chose to believe they hadn't, or B) Tim didn't believe the deaths of anyone caught in them would be his fault.
Again, this isn't about whether or not blowing up the LOA bases killed anyone. It's about how willing Tim was to take that risk, and if he would've blamed himself for anyone getting killed from it.
Either way, it's canon that Tim had no guilt for the explosions he caused, or for anything he did before Red Robin #22. Just ask the Sword of Sin.
This is an exerpt I got from the Fandom DC Database on the Sword of Sin:
"The Sword of Sin can be ignited with the mind of the wielder, if the person is powerful enough. The sword has the ability to conjure in the mind its victims all of the sins for which they are guilty or have not atoned for."
When Tim was stabbed with this sword, he was immune. The Sword of Sin decided he was innocent. Although, I have to ask how reliable this sword was in making that judgement. If the sword is judging others based on its own set principles, then something's not right here.
The Sword of Sin was also used on Dick, and he wasn't immune. It dug into Dicks subconscious and unearthed memories he'd long since repressed. Memories of himself watching a boy get beaten to near death, and then doing nothing. He just walked away.
Now, tell me why the sword brought this to light, but not the time Tim left King Snake to die!
It wasn't an accident. Tim deliberately chose to leave instead of trying to save this man from the murderous Lady Shiva. Sure, Tim was no match for Shiva and he might've not been able to stop her, but the same could be said for an eight year old Dick not stopping a group of much older kids. Neither of them tried to stop the attackers.
Tim didn't atone for it, either. When King Snake returned in Batman #469, Bruce told King Snake that it wasn't Tim who left him to die. We know that's a lie, but Tim never corrected this. He let Shiva take all the blame.
We have two instances of a boy choosing not to prevent someone from having a near death experience. One guilty, and one innocent.
Did the Sword of Sin think Tim was justified because King Snake was corrupt? That doesn't sound holy to me.
Was it because Tim didn't feel any guilt over it, while Dick did? Can the sword's judgement be thrown off by the victim not feeling any shred of guilt over their actions, even subconsciously?
That could make sense given what we know Tim did in the past: King Snake falling, the vandalism (explosions), and ALL the lying over the years (Tim reviving Shiva might count as atonement, so I'm not including that). If the sword based its judgement on God's will alone, then odds are high it would've picked up on one of these.
Even so, I'm not going to sit here and say this is definitely the case. I'm not familiar enough with how the sword effects other characters to make that call.
If this is indeed false, then did the DC universe's version of God decide to pardon Tim of his sins when he prayed earlier that same issue, despite him not believing he had any? I mean, who knows, right?
You can probably see why there's more questions than answers. The point is Tim didn't have any guilt for the things he did before Red Robin #22. Tim was canonically convinced he had nothing to atone for.
So then why did he say the opposite later in Knight Terrors: Robin #2?!
In the heart-to-heart between Tim and Jason, Tim tells him this:
"You have a lot to atone for...We all do..."
Tim knows that the words "we all" include him, right? By saying this, Tim admitted to also having things he needs to atone for, right?
Is this another white lie to make Jason feel better? Is it one of those slight changes the New 52 made to the canon? If not, then why did he change his mind? Did his no-kill rule change and make him feel guilty for some past actions? Is it not the no-kill rule, but something else?
What changed?!
Where does Tim draw the line?
I don't know. We've narrowed it down to a general area, but it's kinda hard to see a line when it's so blurred it could be a gradient.
Tim baffles me. He acts as a steady moral compass for others when he can't even seem to stay consistent with his own. You're free to call it poor writing (and honestly, fair), but I find his hypocrisy fascinating.
That's what it is, isn't it? Tim's a hypocrite who's completely oblivious to being one. And it's not like this was never mentioned in the comics before. Damian called him out on it!
In Batman & Robin 2011 #10, Damian confronted Tim about his near-murderous reaction when Fist Point killed Artemis (Teen Titans Vol 4 annual #1). Damian then accused Tim of constantly rejecting him because they have more in common than Tim's willing to admit.
It's debatable how accurate that accusation was, but Tim had a pretty volatile reaction to it.
"I believe in every choice I make!"
Does he? I don't think someone who's so sure of what he believes in would contradict himself to this extent. Especially if he wasn't doing it on purpose.
He wouldn't vehemently push Bruce's no-kill rule onto others and berate them for bending that rule, only to go and bend that same rule himself when the Batclan isn't around. He also wouldn't exploit what he thinks are loopholes, decide later that those loopholes broke the no-kill rule, and then earnestly claim he never broke it.
Why is he like this?! He's had arguably the most normal childhood out of the whole Batclan before becoming Robin! What could've made him so fickle about this?!
Where does he draw the line? And how will he know when he's crossed it?
#batman#dc#robin#tim drake#red robin#theory#analysis#long post#tim drake is a menace#unhinged tim drake#To think all of this was written without mentioning Tim's corrupt future selves#or the numerous times he's actually contemplated or attempted murder#Believe me I would've loved to add 5-10 more screenshots of those moments alone#but I hit the 30 image limit :(#Anyway I want to study Tim in a lab#Feedback is welcome#I'm aware I hadn't read all the DC comics so I could've missed something
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đđđđđđđđ đđđđđđđđ đđđđđđđđ đđđđđđ.
All sentences were taken from different sources about romance, marriage and specially arranged marriage and what that entails. Mentions of affairs, mistresses, wedding ceremonies and medieval talks of what marriage entails follow. Change names, pronouns and locations however you see fit.
Marriage is a marriage, whether it is arranged or not. Both necessitate the same level of dedication.
Itâs not an option to be best friends with your life partner; itâs a requirement for a firm foundation in a long-term relationship.
Arranged marriage is not always a bed of roses, but it is possible to achieve with love and faith.
Itâs different for women, isnât it? They have no choice where they go. They grow up in a prison and then get married into one.
Is there anything more courageous/stupid than saying yes to spend your life with someone you have no idea about?
The country was as much of a mystery to me as the man I had married.
One day youâll be in love with me.
You could be a titled lady.Â
I have avoided the fate my father had planned for me. Surely it is I who has won, not he.
I do not care about power and wealth, father. I want to marry for love.
But if you were matched, what do you think she'd be like?
We're supposed to be unable to keep our hands off of each other.Â
In this case the time is not so important for me, the person asking for commitment is.
We are trapped by convention and must marry another.
Every good child knows: duty before your heart's desire.
I am to be a bride, but whose?Â
I married you to stop the bloodshed, and you keep killing. When will it be enough- when?
I found out soon after we met that Leahâs father had promised her in marriage to some young Pole.
If I ever get into an arranged marriage, I want it to be like theirs.
Arranged marriages require effort; constantly and every day. And where there is love, you want to make these efforts.
A successful arranged marriage can help climb the biggest mountain and build the biggest empire.
An arranged marriage is like wine; it tastes good with time.
You will marry him and do your duty to your House.
You are my daughter and you will do as I say. End of discussion.
Love? What does love have to do with marriage?
He'll honour his duty to family and swallow it.
I was three when my parents promised me. When a deal was struck.Â
 So I was raised to be his wife. I was taught my favorite color was gold because his favorite color was gold. I was told my favorite foods were his favorite foods
I never thought what it would actually be like to have him... be gone.Â
I was raised for him, and now I am... new. I am brand-new. And I do not even know how to breathe air he does not exhale.
A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.
Marriage is a financial contract; I have enough contracts already.
The dowry, not the wife, is the object of attraction.
Arranged marriages work like this. The girl is hardly asked and is expected to follow whatever her parents deem fit.
Marry, that marry is the very theme I came to talk of.
Maybe she'll be beautiful. Maybe she'll be rich. As long as she brings swords and men.
Perhaps love is a minor madness.
It doesn't matter who the seed is. The important thing is that it has a place in your womb.
Her maidenhood will seal an alliance and must be kept safe.
Every married woman knows a man can have mistresses and we must look the other way.
All I ask is, that you do not cast me aside. Have mistresses and lovers as you please, but confide in me as I am to be your wife.
A husbandâs first and foremost job in a marriage is to protect and love his wife.
Touching without looking had been incredibly arousing.
In my opinion, most marriages are based either on money or the fear of being alone.
I want you in every way there is to want. I want you in any way you choose to share.
I'm free to do with my wife as I fucking please.
The marriage of convenience lasts until you become an inconvenience.
Ours is a marriage of convenience and nothing more.
From now on, you're sleeping in our room. There's no chance in hell I'm letting you sleep far away from me again.
You agreed to this marriage and didnât even dare to ask my opinion on the matter.
You're going to bend, and so am I. We're going to compromise, negotiate, and distract each other.
Being together means our priorities are going to change.
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.
I don't think I am likely to marry, Harry. I am much too in love.
It is certainly romantic to be in love, but there's nothing romantic about a definite proposal.
They are royals, whoever they marry is not their choice but who is better for the crown.
That is a match made in a boardroom.
Once you are wed to another, you will forget me.Â
I will marry a man who desires me but I have no interest in.Â
I will not be a secret kept in shadows. Once you are wed, I will leave.
How can I marry them, when I am in love with another? It is not fair to them, that I think of you when Iâm with them.
Ever since I met you, no one else has been worth thinking about.
Behave yourself, out here, we are wed and what you do, reflects on me.
You are being sold like a mare and do not care.
Once I bore him a son, he shall be happy, I know it.
We hate one another but for peace, we must wed. At least, let us enjoy this part of the contract.
I am doing this for my family and for the terms you offer.
A marriage is simply an alliance.
All will be well, love can be found in a marriage. If not love, at least, good company.Â
Do your duty and give him sons. Thatâs all men want.
I will not be paraded around in a bedding ceremony. I will wed them and bed them, but I will not be humiliated.Â
You think this title gives me power, but you forget, I am a woman.
I am lucky enough to have options. None who please me but at least, I can choose one.
Come to bed now, husband. It is our wedding night, after all.
#roleplay memes#sentence meme#( cali meme. )#rp memes#rp prompt#rp musings#roleplay prompt#arranged marriage
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FLAGS EVERYWHERE. ŕ¨ŕ§ are jjk women green, beige or red flags?ă
¤headcanons
featuring â°ă
¤multiple. (mai, maki, nobara, shoko, yuki, yorozu) + honorable non-binary, uraume.
warning(s)! â°ă
¤NO PRONOUNS AND ANATOMY FOR READER. SFW (?) â toxic behavior ! cheating ! breaking-up mentions ! very much made based on personal opinions + i tried to write the characters off as canon as possible, but my favoritism will probably show ! violence + blood + death (mentions) ! cannibalism (mentions) ! angst (some) ! some are implied yandere ! not really all dark content but i will tag as so just to be sure, some of them are dc vibes ! yorozu is a massive warning ! sukuna mentions ! mentions of marriage + forced arrange marriage !
ŕ¨ŕ§ MAI ZENIN â green / beige flag.
surprisingly good, once you get past the barriers.
despite what it initially seems like Mai is a heartless bully, she is not as cruel as people think.
BIGGEST RED FLAG? emotional barriers and selfishness.
initially, it is very difficult to get past mai's irritable temperament. she is provocative, and has a certain mischievous aspect to most things. at first glance, she's a bad girl like some character from a 2000s movie. still, once you get past that rough layer and get to what's underneath, you'll see that her heart is soft and very pure. she wasn't open to love, but your arrival could definitely change the course of her thoughts on the matter.
the selfishness part is not as prominent. mai alternates between being very selfish and being very selfless. it's a strange combination, but the way she grew up and was raised in the zenin house made her very defensive and not very open. it's a problem, but not incorrigible.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
the answer is: no, but it is preferable that you are. most life has always been and will be about sorcery. this is the world she was born into, and she will die in it, whether she wants to or not. with so little energy that she could only create one bullet a day, she became more accustomed to the prospect that the people around her would, by nature, be better and stronger. it's a rotten feeling, and it fills her with envy in an almost insurmountable way. the sensation is worse when it comes to her sister. that would extend to you, and regardless of your strength, she thinks it would be more acceptable for you to be a sorcerer.
still, if you're not a sorcerer, there is a certain beauty to it. for her, it was unacceptable, but a lot of you made her see the actions and prohibitions of her clan with different eyes. not that she likes the place very much, but we are a product of the environment in which we were raised, and let's face it. no one finds the zenin house pleasant. if you are not a sorcerer, she relaxes even more in the face of the normality that surrounds your relationship. simply, no more worrying about debates and curses, about big clans and politics. just cute dates where she buys you a coffee and says it was because she had money left over (she likes to buy you things.)
WOULD SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
absolutely not. mai grew up watching the men in her family commit adultery in the rooms of the house and the women filling themselves with drink and medicine to endure it all. she doesn't intend to become that woman or allow that to be the kind of person you become, either. your relationship faces many problems, but after the initial stages, she becomes motivated to become a better person, for you. to give you what you deserve, the best version of herself.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
something very difficult to ignore in your relationship is the zenin clan itself. like every young woman, mai faces a dangerous fate ahead of her. after maki left the clan behind, this ended up reinforcing expectations of her, which include marrying and having many children with a sorcerer that the zenin will choose. it is the fate that every young woman in a clan must be content with, because demanding humanity in jujutsu and clan zenin as a woman is unthinkable. still, she didn't think much about it. it's the kind of thing you avoid thinking about because it gets on your nerves.
however, after you started dating and when she realized that she really loved you, it started giving her nightmares. her fear of what the clan would do to you if they found out is surreal. she knows you could never be together under normal circumstances, they wouldn't allow it. her collar seems tighter every day, and in desperation, sometimes she hides money under her mattress, thinking that maybe one day, she can run away with you. maybe one day, when fate is knocking at her door, mai will be forced to run away with you.
she didn't fight for her freedom on her own, not after maki left. the spiteful thought of her sister leaving her behind rather than staying at rock bottom with her still haunts her. sometimes she holds your hand a little tight while she watches you sleep. she wonders, if she asked, would you be at rock bottom with her, instead of wanting something better? it is selfish of her to think that.
maki is also a delicate situation. all of mai's family has some issues with her, but her twin sister is a special case. even though she loves maki, she feels constant envy and has a huge problem comparing herself to her. it gets worse if you know maki personally. sometimes mai gets so paranoid that she thinks you would choose maki over her. just the idea hurts.
ŕ¨ŕ§ MAKI ZENIN â green flag.
isolating, barely communicating, but she tries her best and we love her for it.
everyone's favorite restricted (sorry, toji) is actually a better girlfriend than people think.
BIGGEST RED FLAG? emotional barriers and distancing.
very similar to her sister, maki is very used to not letting people into her heart. she is seen as harsh, strong and very scary, even by those closest to her (panda, toge, yuta, etc). but just like the folks in jujutsu high, she might warm up to you and allow a glance through her defenses.
the hardest thing to deal with in maki is not her temper â but her habits. she's used to doing things for herself, whether it's wielding a weapon or finishing dinner because someone burned it down. her habits are very strong and as difficult to break as her emotional walls, which are there so she can avoid getting attached to you and getting hurt because of it. but, again, nothing incorrigible. be patient, and she'll open up.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
in my opinion, not really. it would be okay if you were one â being more able to defend yourself and all â, but it honestly does not matter to maki. not one bit.
out of all people, she couldn't care less about someone's cursed energy or technique, because she understands strength comes from various sources. she is a varied source. she would find it okay if you were or weren't, too.
WOULD SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
never, ever. sincerely, maki is the type of guardian friend that keeps this behavior as a girlfriend. if someone is flirting with her, she normally gets upset enough â but while in a relationship with you? oh, it makes her nearly able to commit a murder or two. like, c'mon. can't they see the ring? her arm wrapped around your waist? the way she keeps trying to pull you closer, to have you hanging over her as near as possible?
are they blind?
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
honestly, almost everything with maki is extremely indirect or just hinted towards. if you notice the little signs, you can easily tell how much she cares, even before your relationship officially begins. how much she insists you take coats when it's cold, or the way she's started to conveniently take sweets and small snacks that you like with her. little things like that.
she is more vulnerable than she would like to admit. especially after shibuya where she was burned alive and had to wonder if you were still out there, alive. the scars not only marked her body, but her mind as well. it has changed in many ways since the beginning of the year. you understanding that and understanding her, supporting her, is just one of the reasons why she loves you.
she's extremely perceptive, so don't even think she won't notice something. even when she's not watching you like a hawk, maki can notice small things easily. did you change your hair? she'll be the first to notice. are you not eating much and seem a little sick? she will ask what is wrong. have you bought any new clothes, even if they look like ones you already have? she says it will look great with one of her coats.
maki is a little overprotective, but only at first. she also understands if you need space or time to yourself. she is possessive, but not in the crazy way.
her most striking trait in the relationship is how unafraid she is to say that you are together. she's very proud â of you, and of being with you. and maki isn't shy about telling anyone that, or kicking the ass of anyone who doubts or makes you doubt yourself. yeah, she's your girlfriend. everyone unhappy with it can go to hell.
ŕ¨ŕ§ NOBARA KUGISAKI â green flag.
a girlfriend who is certainly very passionate and happy, nobara is a chaotic one to deal with. but once you're settled with that? oh, you're on.
BIGGEST RED FLAG? she is extremely passionate. about everything.
not that much of a red flag, honestly, but it can be a handful. if you are a more calm and centered person, you may have problems with this nature initially. nobara is very instinctive, sincere and not afraid to say what she thinks. she loves fashion, she loves fighting, she loves feeling beautiful â sometimes the amount of things she does, and the most dangerous ones, become overwhelming.
of course, her passion also extends to you. her loved one, her amazing (she makes a point of mentioning) significant other. it is not a bad thing on itâs own, but sometimes nobara can be very adamant about you staying away from dangerous matters (most part of her life), or trying to scare someone away.
despite that, she truly loves you, and nobara is proud of saying it out loud. and poor is the soul of megumi fushiguro, paying for his lost best (that itadori would get a girlfriend before her) when she introduces you.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
honestly, no, but it's preferable that you are. nobara grew up in a small town that she came to hate, taught by her grandmother how to use jujutsu before entering jujutsu high. it's a super inspiring, motivating background, depending on the angle you look at it, but difficult to explain to the person you're flirting with if they know nothing about jujutsu.
nothing that matters that much, but she feels she would be more understood if you were a sorcerer â bonus points if you're not from a clan or anything. just raised from difficulties and mundane in everything else, like her.
WOULD SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
no. that's, simply it. nope. nuh uh. no way in hell. not in a million years.
if any idiot is flirting with her insistently, she'll be tempted to hit them with a hammer. cheaters and idiots get a bonk!
you and her only get love, though.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
nobara is a girl of steel, but she loves to be feminine and sometimes even fragile (not that those two things are related). she valuates anything that seems truthful and supportive to her â being it carrying her bags for her or hold her while she watches a movie, or killing bugs for her. simple things build even more trust and affection for you.
she's clingy, even though she won't admit it. total little spoon, who loves being carried and treated as a princess. in exchange, she'll give you the royal treatment as well. the type that yells yes! im their girlfriend! suck on that! proudly after you achieve something.
are you permanently invited to movie nights, shopping trips and her small walks around the town. and she is more patient with you, in case you are taking her things and end up dropping them.
she gives advice, speaking openly and honestly what she thinks, and doesn't hide opinions, but she's a great listener, as well. nobara is always ready to be at your side in whichever you might need â offering her shoulder for you to cry on or asking if she should get her hammer.
ŕ¨ŕ§ SHOKO IERI â green flag.
probably really biased, but i think shoko is the best option on the list. youâll see why.
the exhausted, smoking doctor we all love. why not find true happiness while listening to I donât smoke and holding a pretty womanâs hand, right?
BIGGEST RED FLAG? she is hot and cold. distant and clingy.
being the third person in a trio can be quite distressing. not that shoko doesnât value the friendship she has with satoru, far from it, but sometimes she feels very left out. as if the world was only about satoru gojo and suguru geto and their damn moral problems. itâs irritating, to think that gojo isolates himself from her when sheâs right there, always has been.
for this reason, and because she doesnât have many other friends, and none in the non-jujutsu sphere, shoko alternates between two defense mechanisms against abandonment. itâs one of the things she most despises and scares, and she can either acquire a calm and distant nature or one thatâs clingier and even more affectionate than normal, afraid of you leaving her. surprisingly, you can handle this easily â just be honest about what you feel, how you do not like this behavior. she will listen the wake-up call.
once that is handled, and you express your feelings about it, she starts therapy to aid her keep the relationship. youâre something she refuses to lose.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
no, not really. a small part of hers might prefer you arenât. shoko lived as a doctor and a valuable healer in the jujutsu world. devoid of technique, but skilled with reverse energy, she is essential to the jujutsu school. her friends and technically, family, are all sorcerers, or those who arenât, come into contact with jujutsu in some way (usually unpleasant, like yuta okkotsu and itadori yuji).
the idea of having a non-sorcerer partner, but one who is unaffected by these horrors and the knowledge that there is something more than normality, is an attractive idea. normality and simplicity would be good for her, but frankly it doesnât matter. if you were not a sorcerer, she wouldnât introduce any of the jujutsu to you initially, afraid of you getting hurt. however, opinions from friends (thanks, nanami) can change her mind â and while itâs complicated to resolve a fight over your girlfriend lying for so long, it would be even worse if she lived a lie forever.
WOULD SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
not. a. single. chance. simple and easy.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
shoko is a very skilled healer, and there are a lot of people depending on her every day. it weighs on her shoulders like an anchor sometimes. this weight can lead her to isolate and withdraw, and experience anxiety or depression. many sorcerers or anyone involved in jujutsu go through difficult periods constantly. you need to know when your girlfriendâs distance means âi want spaceâ or if sheâs desperate to be saved. it can be quite exhausting.
shoko has many self-destructive tendencies. smoking itself is a great example. even though she heals her lungs with reverse cursed energy she will hurt them even more later. she is more delicate than she looks.
during much of her life, shoko adopted the role of caregiver. a doctor, nurse, coroner and multiple other things, she is everyoneâs supportive friend, even if no one comes to her rescue when she needs help. being with you makes her show this nature often, initially hiding it when sheâs feeling bad so as not to worry you. however, by understanding how serious she is about being with you, she allows herself to lean on you and encourages you to lean on her. together, united, so that one does not overload the other.
she has problems, like everyone else, but most of them disappear after an honest conversation or when she herself realizes her own flaws and encourages herself to become better.
ŕ¨ŕ§ URAUME â beige / red flag.
much like a man being invited to ladies night, uraume is not a woman. but i will write them here for convenience.
one of the greatest traits of uraume that everyone knows is that they are very loyal. unfortunately, this only applies if your name is sukuna ryomen. otherwise? ehhhh...
BIGGEST RED FLAG? devoted to sukuna.
letâs face it, no one who is so loyal to a cannibal can be considered trustworthy. sukuna is a cruel and unscrupulous man, and uraume is undeniably his right-hand. they are the cause of pain and suffering that spread through decades. they accept the kind of behavior sukuna exposes, and they might even encourage it, at some rate. this is not something to wish for in a relationship.
besides, you will always be the number two in uraumeâs life. they swore loyalty to sukuna, they will follow through it until death.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
not really. it is difficult portraying uraume with anyone in general â much less a non-sorcerer. but i honestly think that uraume is their own person, and even though they are someone who is reserved, they have their own taste in personality above power or strength. it's one of the reasons they admire sukuna, of course, but surprisingly, i can see them not dating a sorcerer.
although, if you are not a sorcerer, prepare for one hell of a ride. sukuna will torture you for fun, and uraume will allow it.
WOULD THEY CHEAT ON YOU?
no, i think. but because a very specific thought hits me. for example, i canât see sukuna and uraume having anything sexual or romantic in any shape or way. with him so uninterested in all of that, thereâs not really any options for them to cheat you on with. but, i suppose it can be said they would, if uraume could get with sukuna.
you can make your own judgment about this one, though.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
being with uraume means making sacrifices and accepting that, yes, you are important, but you will never come first. as already mentioned, you are permanently stuck in the âsecond priority of uraumeâ position, because sukuna exists. and even if he hadnât been resurrected yet. from the moment uraume woke up in a new body, their goal has always been clear: to bring their master back and serve him in the best way possible.
itâs possible that sukuna will use you to mess with uraume. this could mean several things. clearly the king of curses has a respect for his most devoted servant, but that doesnât stop him from getting bored. uraumeâs loyalty was never put to the test before you showed up, and it will be one day. in case uraume deserves some punishment, when sukuna tortures you and uses reverse energy. heal to hurt, only to start all over again. uraume watches, impassive and cold as the ice they produce, and will confess privately that it was one of the worst experiences of his life. but they will never lift a hand against their master. uraume will fight anyone to protect you, except if the attacker is sukuna.
be prepared to stand alongside the greatest accomplice to ever walk the earth. uraume knows the consequences and the harm that sukuna brings, but they donât care, they wonât stop him. beyond morality, uraumeâs loyalty cannot be broken, not even by you. in a way, you will also become an accomplice.
ŕ¨ŕ§ YUKI TSUKUMO â green / beige flag.
BIGGEST RED FLAG? distant (physicially).
yuki has a reputation that precedes her in the jujutsu world: the special-grade sorceress who refuses all missions, takes payment anyway, and uses the money to travel. you constantly receive souvenirs, souvenirs, and gifts from the other side of the world, but nothing will compensate for your girlfriendâs affection in the form of a warm hug.
she constantly tries to bring you with her, but it can all be very overwhelming to you. new cultures, languages you do not speak, people side eyeing you. besides, you canât, because of work and other matters. the idea of being financially dependent on yuki is very scary. since without her, you would easily be on the other side of the world, without money. obviously, she would never leave you in that situation, but itâs an idea that runs through anyoneâs head.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
honestly, i am tempted to say yes, because having a non-sorcerer partner goes against much of what she shows herself to be interested in, but yuki is a very kind and determined person who is not afraid to speak her mind and go after what she wants. she will tell you what type of guy he is as easily as she would flirt with you if she were interested.
despite that, i think it does not matter to her, honestly.
WOULD SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
that's a very easy assumption to make, seeing as you haven't seen yuki for endless months and both you and she need relief (emotional and sexual) eventually. however, contrary to what many believe, no. she wouldn't cheat.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
no matter how passionate and well-intentioned yuki is, she will rarely be able to truly be present. video calls and daily calls donât really satisfy any of you ââ thatâs when theyâre possible, thanks to the time difference. itâs easy to understand how a relationship like this can become unbearable and even unsustainable after a while.
yuki is very busy, so even when she is back from her long and time-consuming trips, she wonât have one hundred percent of her time to dedicate to you. meetings, research, more scolding from societyâs superiors. little time for motorcycle rides and cuddles, if you ask her.
looking at the big picture, yuki would be a great girlfriend if she just made a little more time to spend with you and try new things together ââ instead of trying things out and then telling you everything in a video call at four oâclock in the morning.
ŕ¨ŕ§ YOROZU â red flag.
BIGGEST RED FLAG? she is yorozu. just kidding. devoted to sukuna.
yorozu is a complicated case. she has few redeeming qualities, but you can understand that she is an attractive, intelligent and, in a way, powerful woman. knowing chemistry and physics before those concepts were properly delved into, she discovered new things to her power. but she is simply unbearable in one aspect: her determination in relation to sukuna ryomen.
this determination makes yorozuâs life goal become to kill and marry sukuna. itâs even impressive that she found a partner, and she makes that very clear. does the opportunity arise? well, youâre not important anymore.
DO YOU NEED TO BE A SORCERER?
i think so, but that's a more personal view. yorozu seems more attracted to power than to the sukuna's personality aspect itself, which demonstrates that what attracts her to a person is raw and pure power. considering the time she came from and her traditional ways, this would be, for her, related to cursed energy. so yes.
WOULD SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
if you consider the whole thing with sukuna. and that she would cheat on you with sukuna. even if there is no one else for her besides the two of you, between you and him, she wouldn't choose you.
OTHER OBSERVATIONS.
frankly, yorozuâs part is very short because she appears in about six chapters, causes chaos, fights and dies. also, i think her character has a lot of potential and little use, but trying anyway. yorozu is extremely determined to have what she wants, a woman who wouldnât give up for anything in the world. if on the one hand, this is positive ââ she doesnât give up on her relationship ââ it is also negative. she wonât give up her search for the king of cursesâ heart, even if she has to rip it from his chest.
itâs exhausting knowing that, in some ways, youâre a replacement for what yorozu canât truly have. itâs hard to say whether pure and true love really matters to her, as yorozu has her own specific and disturbed views on love. it is likely that she will not be loving in the relationship at all, and will manipulate you in order to keep you with her.
yorozu has a goal and the means to achieve it. once she gets close enough, she knows her presence will be more of a hindrance than a help. she entered the relationship with you with the mindset that one day, she would have to get rid of you. but a part of her heart warms. yorozu wants to do it herself. no henchmen, no tricks. just her and you at her end ââ which must be worthy and brought only by her. with her, youâre likely to end up stabbed in the heart, while she looks into your eyes and presses her lips against hers one last time, tasting the blood. this is her goodbye to you, before she leaves for her true love.
ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE. I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY MISTAKES. thank you for reading! <3
#kirell. kills .��#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#diving into darkness.#jjk headcanons#maki x you#maki x reader#nobara x you#nobara x reader#shoko x reader#shoko x you#yuki tsukumo x reader#yorozu x reader#uraume x reader#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk angst#tw dark content#cw dark content#maki zenin x you#maki zenin x reader#mai zenin x reader#jjk women x reader
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Vees with a Android Reader
Valentino
Valentino had plenty of servants around, such as Kitty
So he didnât really need another little assistant
But what he did need was a maid
And Valentino isnât the biggest fan of actual demons that can make mistakes, so he just went out and bought a cleaning android
You were pretty small, about 4â11 and came with a little maid dress and a feather duster
When Valentino first powered you on, he expected a cute little robot whoâd follow his orders and not say a word
But you werenât normal- far from it actually
The Moth Overlord was greeted with a bubbly little maid who would follow him around like a lost puppy whenever you werenât deep cleaning the place like a maniac
You were eccentric, though obedient and that was what he mostly cared about
Vox nearly had a heart attack when he first met you as you immediately jumped up onto him to clean some dust upon his flat face
Whenever Vox was gone, and Valentino didnât have anyone to rant to, he would always make a mess of his quarters whilst screaming his frustrations out to you as you quickly cleaned up his trash
Slowly but surely, Valentino grew fond of you, and even would gift you in new clothes or cleaning supplies whenever he was feeling charitable
He treats you better than his other employees, but he also thinks less of you, like you are an Imp or something like that, but he still likes you
âDarling Iâm pretty sure that itâs clean,â he protested, looking down at your skittering figure as you darted from place to place in an attempt to keep everything tidy.Â
He was elegantly perched on his couch, holding up a drink Kitty had brought over earlier, watching in amusement as you dashed around in a panic. There was a party happening, and you were eager to make sure everything looked nice
âNo it isnât!â you called back, snatching an empty glass and quickly stuffing it into the dishwasher. âEverythingâs so dirty!â You crawled around with such speeds that Valentino might have mistaken you for a little bug, which was actually one of his many nicknames for you
âWhatever you say, ladybug,âÂ
Velvette
Long story short, Velvette was running out of patienceÂ
She needed models to advertise, and all of them kept dying or were just outright ugly in the outfits she provided
After complaining to Vox for forever, he suggested that she buy a model bot
With some convincing, she actually listened, and went out and purchased one, which happened to be you
Though you were bland, so before powering you on she was quick to pazazz and doll you up
And when you did wake up, and did as your manual said, she was pleased
For once, Velvette was nice to someone, and it was a little robot who was constantly pasted onto billboards, commercials, and magazines all dressed in her products
She was chill with you, and you werenât complaining about free makeup, perfume and clothing
The only thing was that she was very controlling, and liked to have you as her arm candy basically wherever she went
But it was nice to almost never be on the receiving end of her Cockney accent and British slang
 Not many people knew your name outside of the V tower, so people online nicknamed you Dolly,Â
You didnât really have a name actually, but Velvette enjoyed calling you things like: âSweetheartâ âDollfaceâ and âSugarâ
And veryâŚvery rarely, she will sometimes listen to your opinions, things you picked up on when working with her
âUgh! All of this is trash!â Velvette snapped, stomping with a deep glare at the line up of demons who had crafted the clothing you were dressed up in.Â
They all winced underneath her sharp and furious gaze, recoiling away from her quippy and sassy comments as she scolded the people. Meanwhile, you glanced over at something on the pile of clothing.
âVelvette?â you called, making her whip over to glare at you, to which you shyly pointed over to a black and hot pink crop top that sat atop the pile. âWhat if I matched that with the skirt?â
She seemed skeptical, but with a snap of your fingers, your sleeveless turtleneck was replaced by the crop top, which magically seemed to match the boots and the fitted skirt you wore
Never before had you seen Velvette so surprised before.
âSweetheart youâre a genius!â she chirped, her frown switching to a bright smile in a second. Velvette then darted over to you, grabbing you by the side and pulling you into a side hug. âAlright- weâre gonna go get you some upgrades today just because of how smart you are.â
Vox
Vox is a lot different from the others simply because he had built you
Originally, you were going to be an assistant type of bot he was going to sell worldwide, with secret cameras in your optics so he could spy on more of Hell
But mistakes were made, and you, the first prototype, ended up adopting a personality he grew quick to enjoy
Though he did end up selling more advanced models like yourself, he kept you, the first
Instead, you were the main hostess of the News he kept up, as Vox was usually pretty busy
The people adored you, and Vox couldnât just rid of you
Not that heâd want to- so he kept you
He was very attached to your original model, so you were usually denied when asking for upgrades to your system
Though sometimes, he would give you little things here and there
Switchable hands, Better cameras, cleaner plates, or better wiring
But Vox always refused when you asked for a different model
You would always stay in the same body, and he wasnât backing out of that
He has a lot of nicknames up his sleeve, and enjoys your reactions when he brings in new ones
âDearheart, Darling, Sugar, etcâ
Overall, heâs probably the best to be owned by
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