#i think sometimes about how he and randall would be friends but not often enough about how A would fucking hate him. probably.

[pirojiji]

gay and meaningless oc crossover❤️ shashlik-kun a girl behind you

[sardonic-the-writer]

𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐥

↳ summary: everyone knew you loved your lazy sundays. but that didn't stop them from bothering you

↳ warnings: mentions of fights and ponyboy getting jumped. nothing serious

↳ notes: could be interpreted as platonic or romantic with whoever you like. just some silly times

↳ song: we're gonna move—elvis presley

masterlist | commissions | carrd

Sundays at the Curtis household were normally calm.

Maybe it was because that was the day before school would start up again for Ponyboy— it used to be that way for both him and Sodapop until his big brother dropped out —or maybe it was because that was the lords day; at least according to the bible. Whatever the case, you knew you could always rely on an unlocked door and comfy couch awaiting you each time you jumped the chain link fence in their front yard. Just as long as it was Sunday.

So, understandably, you were peeved when Steve Randal and Two-Bit had come bursting through the front door looking for a fight.

"Come on man!" Two-Bit, otherwise known as Keith Matthews by his mother and kid sister, but only by his mother and kid sister, was currently whining your name in a way that he would only do if he wanted something. "Those soc's deserve it for what they did to Pony yesterday!"

Warm sunlight from the clear afternoon day peaked through the window panes behind you, lighting up each and every crevice in the front room of the house. A great black and white picture show was running on the TV, the likes of which had captured your attention for most of the day as you lay on Darry Curtis' couch, only ever moving to help out with chores when asked by him or Soda.

You scowled from your spot on that same trashy floral couch as before, flipping Two-Bit off quick enough so that Darry didn't see you. Even though he was in the other room working on dishes with Soda, you knew he would be able to tell. He was magic in a way like that. Annoyingly magic.

"What's with the shake up?" Steve questioned through the cigarette in his mouth, looking down at you from his nose. "Just last week you were itching for a rumble, and now all you want to do is sit and watch TV like some bum?"

"Wrong. Now all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch cartoons like some bum." You corrected him with a bit of snark in your tone, knowing that he hated that sort of thing. You saw Two-Bit's lips quirk up in a smile from the corner of your eye, reminding you temporarily of the shared love of cartoons that the two of you held.

"It's Sunday." Soda strolled in from the other room with a damp rag in his hands, tossing it down on the couch cushions as he went to clap Steve on the back—the way he always did when he saw his best friend. "You know they like their Sundays, guys."

"Screw their Sundays." Steve scoffed without any real malice behind the action. "Dally's on his way over with Johnny right now to meet us before the fight. We just wanted to come and get you before they got here."

With a halfhearted groan you let your head hit the back of the couch. If Dallas was coming over, you knew that the gangs minds had already been made up. Dally could be awfully convincing when he wanted to get his way, and that was more often than not. Really there was no sense in arguing now, but sometimes you had less sense then you'd like to admit.

"I'll tell Darry ya'll are gonna start up a fight." You said in a last ditch effort to keep your lovely spot on the warm couch. You were just met with knowing smiles.

"Awh you know he'd let us go if we promised to not get anymore blood on his floor comin' home." Two-Bit's smile widened, and you knew that he could tell they'd worn you down. That's how it always went when they wanted to fight during an off day for you, and you should be more used to it by now.

With the beginnings of a slow chew on your bottom lip, you mulled it over. Despite what one could think about Darry, that he yelled at his brothers too much or was too hard on Pony, you knew he wouldn't hesitate to get into a fight of his own for one of his brothers, even if he had work the next day. And that was a stone cold fact.

The screen door to the Curtis home squeaked open for the second time in just a few minutes, the entrance giving way to two more figures in dark clothing and greased up hair. One was nursing a cigarette butt while the other swayed side to side in a nervous tick.

"Ready to split?" Dallas Winston let a puff of smoke escape his lips as he grinned, looking around at the small group that had gathered in the living room. Johnny Cade shuffled behind him, and despite the current situation, you made time to send a welcome wave in his direction. He nodded back with a light glint in his eyes.

"Most of us." Soda laughed at Dally's question, ratting you out with a single look in your direction.

"I swear to god man, we do this every time." Dally shook his head as if he'd been expecting this. He looked at you dead on, almost as if trying to pry an explanation out of you this time. You resisted the urge to scrunch your nose up as he did so.

"Don't worry Dal, we just got 'em on the fence." Two-Bit smiled, and you hated that he was right.

With a sigh, you dusted your lap off before getting up, ignoring the small cheer that came from Soda and Two-Bit as you did so. From behind them Johnny smiled that little smile of his.

Dally even let a small one of his own slip, and you cursed whoever decided to give him such long eyelashes. One wrong downward tilt of his head, and sometimes you felt like he could get you to do whatever he wanted if he just asked.

"I'm coming, but next Sunday if any of you so much as ask me into town, I'll start a fight of my own." You pursed your lips. Another cheer rose between the six of you, and somehow you just knew that next week the exact same thing would happen, just as it always did. Good thing it never really bothered you. Nothing these guys ever do would, even though you'd never admit it to them.

"And just to be clear I want you to know I'm only going because it was Pony that was jumped!" You raised your voice through the pre-celebration, trying to stop the smile breaking out across your face from growing any wider. "If it was any of you idiots, I'd go join the other side!"

Playful boo's broke out as Soda slung an arm around your shoulders. A hand was quick to fly up to your hair with an attempted noogie, but you shook your head wildly enough to hault it.

Leaving the security of the plush couch and the drone of the Curtis' TV, you found yourself walking down the street with Dally's cigarette between your lips, taking a puff of it before handing it back to him. As the white smoke drifted up into the blue sky above, you thought about the people around you, and smiled.

Now you just had to hope you wouldn't ruin yet another shirt with blood.

[advisorykitty]

Can you do Yashiro nene! Reader x Randal headcanons and Randal is like Hanako? Please

Yashiro nene! Reader x Randal Headcanons

I had to search this up a bit so my apologies if it isn't as Canon!!

Randal is always causing chaos around [Y/N], popping up at random moments to scare or prank them. He finds their reactions endlessly entertaining.

Randal insists that his coffin is the coziest place in the world and often invites [Y/N] to hang out inside, which freaks them out but makes him grin.

He constantly compares [Y/N] to his beloved dolls and sometimes even dresses them up in clothes similar to his dolls. It’s hard to tell whether he’s joking or being serious.

Randal shows his affection through dark humor and weird gestures, like gifting [Y/N] black roses or scaring them right before swooping in to save them.(how heroic)

His way of affection is unique: giving [Y/N] strange gifts, pulling wierd jokes, gifting what he said is "rat" liver.

Randal constantly shows up out of nowhere, scaring [Y/N] half to death, only to laugh it off and call it "quality time." He thinks spooking [Y/N] is the best way to show his 'affection'

He’s oddly protective of [Y/N]. If anyone messes with them, Randal’s smile stays, but his tone drops a few degrees colder. He’ll play tricks on the offender until they’re begging for mercy, all while [Y/N] is left wondering what just happened. (One of the few reason people avoid him tbh)

Randal loves to tease [Y/N] about their superstitions, or whatever they belive but , in reality he thinks its kinda cute/cool.He’ll listen attentively when they talk about legends or scary stories and later try to bring them to life—just to keep them entertained, of course.

Whenever [Y/N] tries to study or do something productive, Randal will pop in, hovering upside down in front of them. He’ll do anything to distract them, from telling wierd anime stories to pulling silly faces. It’s his way of keeping the boredom away.

He’s weirdly good at remembering little things about [Y/N]—their favourite snacks, how they like their tea, or the exact way they roll their eyes when he says something stupid. He’ll use this to his advantage, pulling pranks or surprising them with thoughtful gestures.

Whenever you Hyper lucidate, he always makes to find you and you meet new friends on the way! (It's his world so it's not to difficult to find you!)

If [Y/N] ever expresses frustration with him, Randal will sulk like a kid. He’ll sit in a corner, pouting dramatically until [Y/N] forgives him. Once they do, he’s back to his cheerful, chaotic self, acting as if nothing ever happened.

Randal sometimes gives [Y/N] weird gifts—like a doll that looks disturbingly like them or a necklace made out of buttons. He insists they’re meaningful. (You don't have much say in throwing it out)

When [Y/N] gets mad at him, he’ll lean in close, with that same mischievous grin, and whisper, “You know you can’t stay mad at me forever.” And, annoyingly, he’s usually right.

MINI INTERVIEWS!!

Nyon: “They… are okay. Do not talk much, but fine to be around. Better than the loud one.” He’s neutral but appreciates [Y/N]’s calmness compared to Randal.

Nyen: “Don’t care. As long as they don’t get in my way, whatever.” He’s not bothered by [Y/N], as long as they don’t interrupt his day.

Randal: “They’re perfect. Couldn’t ask for a better person to spend eternity with. They keep things interesting.” He’s clearly attached, seeing [Y/N] as his forever companion.

Sebastian: “Why would anyone willingly put up with that? They must have the patience of a saint.” He’s both impressed and baffled by [Y/N]’s ability to deal with Randal’s antics. Still grateful he has time off when you're around

Luther: “They fit in well enough. It’s nice to see Randal have a constant distraction.” He’s amused and watches from the sidelines, happy that Randal is behaving (to his standards anyway)

(Shorter then usual sorry, got alot of exams >_;

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

To spoil you, Fuegoleon 2, 4, 7, 8, 9, 12, 15, 17, 18, 20, 23 and 25 for the ask game (sorry, I went a bit overboard^^')

FUE FUE FUE FUE

(7,8,23 and 25 have already been answered ^^)

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

That he builds people up! He's the definition of a good man in my books, and one with true strength which comes from lifting other up, rather than push them down. If I could be half the woman he is a man, I'd be happy.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

I find these very difficult for some reason, but ... hmmm... actually, I wonder how he'd fit into FMA. I imagine he might get well along with Alexader Armstrong, and would find a talking point about strong older sisters.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

...Maybe? I find having roommates a bit awkward, and it's different from moving together with someone that you are attracted to. I feel like this might get messy, unless we'd both either develop feelings for each other, or not. I could probably be roommates with him, but I also think that it could get messy. I just prefer either living alone, or then with a partner.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

I headcanon that sometimes, not often, but sometimes, when he is at his lowest, late at night, he ponders about getting back at William. He thinks about what it'd be like, to get some retribution, a sense of justice, even if he'd have to grant it to himself. At the end of the thought, he always concludes it not to be worth it. But the thought lingers. And it occurs to him, from time to time. He deems himself human for having such thoughts, but he also deems himself sensible enough to keep it as just a thought. Even if there might be some that couldn't blame him, if he did.

15. What’s your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not.)

Can... can I say my own? Because I am VERY biased towards it, because it brings me joy. As in, I will support anyone who wants to make an OC ship with him too, but my self-indulgent content is in Fue/Oc content. If not with an OC, then... hmm... Hmm... Maybe... uhh.... Fragil? She's a hard worker and cares about the people around her, but also has a gentle side to her.

17. What’s a ship for this character you don’t hate but it’s not your favorite that you’re fine with?

I once saw someone in passing shipping him with Charlotte? So, perhaps that one? I'm indifferent towards it, so I can't say that I hate it, but it's not my favourite. And I'm fine with it.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I adore his relationship with Mereo. I think that these two have such admiration and respect for one and another, even if Mereo doesn't say it out loud. She's a woman of action, and struggles to give verbal affirmations, but the things that she does say, like "there are people who'd never let me forget it if I was defeated", or along those lines, show that she is thinking about her family, her little brothers and the CLK. She feels that she needs to protect them, but also that she needs to drive them to be strong enough to fend for themselves, if all hell breaks loose. And Fuegoleon, who is very verbal about his admiration for his aneue, clearly adores her. He looks up to her. And to him, Mereo will always be the brilliant older sister, who seems to understand what to do intuitively, whereas he has had to study for it. I just love these two. They have such amazing dynamic, and they fuel each other up, despite the bickering. And the bickering is there, because... they're siblings, and only 2 years apart. Of course they bicker.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter?

Hmm... I think that him and Randal could actually be really good friends. As in, sure, they've worked together for many years, and judging from the way they interact, I think it'd be safe to say that they are on some level of friendship. But I also think that one of @/cradestoryteller 's fics (if my memory serves me correctly) in her series "100 ways to say 'I love you'", I saw some of that friendship and it really made sense to me. I chose to take the "I love you" as a platonic one, because I believe that it's okay to A. say "I love you" platonically to one's friends (at least in English, because different languages have different connotations when it comes to the word 'love') and B. it's always okay to show that you care about your friends. They're both calm, reasonable and responsible gentlemen, who care for others, so I think that they have a lot in common. They also take time to asses a situation without charging head on. But I feel like Randal might make more jokes. That's not to say that he would be making too many, but relatively more than Fue. So, there'd be a kind of a difference as well. So, I think that Randal is a high contender as Fue's best friend.

[brambletakato]

For the ask game, how about 22 with Descole?

Hmm...I'll give a few headcanons! (Spoilers for Miracle Mask & Azran Legacy) (Alcohol/Smoking mention)

He has minor photophobia. I don't have much of a rhyme or reason for this, it was just something that I discussed with a friend that eventually stuck around. I don't think he enjoys bright lights very much -

There's the belief where Targent's Nest is located in or near Russia, and to follow that I have a HC that Descole knows enough Russian to decipher whatever may be happening over there. ... However, he focused mainly on input rather than output (mainly as there was not much reason for output to begin with.). If someone were to try and strike up a conversation with him in that language, he'd find difficulty responding. He still can but with pauses and the sort. -

He has a complicated relationship regarding the concept of fate. Either version of reality has poor implications; Either to accept fate and agree that your life was destined for tragedy, or reject fate and forever ponder of how things could've gone differently by your hands. It's easier, sometimes, to believe fate is true, and sometimes in some grim and cruel way, it's comforting. He can hurl his fire and hatred towards an unfeeling and constant force rather than upon himself. He shifts between the opposing sides of fate and free-will, but often he finds himself leaning towards fate. Or perhaps he used to believe in free-will as Desmond Sycamore, and with the tragic end of the family alongside his perception of Desmond, he simply shifted towards the other side?... Hmm, new HC. -

Shockingly, he doesn't drink or smoke as much as one would expect him to. That's not to say he avoids it, he very much enjoys a glass of Merlot. But he loves control, and he knows building under influence is a terrible idea as fun as it would be in-the-moment. Plus, he usually doesn't have the time. (He did, however, drink heavily once with Randall. He didn't mean to, but he realized too late whilst deep in conversation with the very man he's supposed to manipulate. Rats.) For cigarettes, he will smoke around company if the others are as well, but he doesn't like the taste. Reminds him of terrible things, of fire and melting flesh. Perhaps before his wife and daughter died, he smoked a bit more often-- But he still only did so within social situations or if he very deeply pondered over something. -

And one minor headcanon pre-wife, I personally hc that he's demiromatic/demisexual. I just can't envision him immediately feeling a romantic or sexual attraction upon the first few meetings of somebody. He can swing whichever way, but they'd have to be close friends first, and often for a long time. He is, for now, romantically and sexually off the table after his wife died. I personally don't think he'll open up to another the same way again; Even if he felt like it towards somebody years after the events of Azran Legacy, fear of loss would hold him back from doing anything about it.

[legstheoctomobster]

Regressor! KG Head-canons

(Small warning for// discussions of the foster system, talk about poor mental health, implied verbal abuse and implied ableism. I headcanon KG as being autistic along with other things)

Regresses pretty low, from babyspace to toddler space (youngest being newborn, and eldest being like 3 years old).

Regresses involuntarily, and it’s been that way ever since he was a kid. He regresses to cope with trauma (due to being in the foster system with his twin sister). They’ve both been sent from home to home. It’s gotten too much for the poor kid to process, and I think you know what that meant.

He also regresses when burnt out or sleep deprived. It’s a bit silly when he claims to not be tired and be a “big kid”, but soon cries and demands to be carried and have his stuffies.

His caregivers are his dads and Maya! They’re pretty supportive and understanding of his regression.

Sometimes Penny or his other friends help out if they’re in school/away from home.

A very quiet baby when focused on something; other than that, he’ll constantly babble into his caregiver’s (or just anybody who’ll listen) ears. Constant “mhm”’s and “that’s great honey” are used Barry and Randall when having to take care of him

Often adds his tech skills into his regression.

Mainly just invents stuff for his regressed self. One example is converting his bed to a crib (as in like making crib bars protrude from his bed, making it a crib for when he’s regressed). He also likes to tinker around with gadgets he took apart; some of them have to be taken away by one of his CGs.

Most of the time needs padding/protection due to being tiny enough not to realize when he needs to go to the bathroom.

The closer you get to him, the brattier the little one becomes. Mainly because he trusts you a lot more to joke around you.

Will get very concerned if he thinks you’re upset though. Barry gives like the most over exaggerated, Oscar-winning performance of a reaction if KG pranks him and the little guy will fall for it. “Wait dada, I was joking don’t be sad <:0”

Learning how to and be a kiddo again and to accept his neurodivergence. All the time while being in the foster system he was told that nobody would want him if he was “this difficult” and “this sensitive”. It was difficult to “toughen up” when you’re brain is constantly in an infantile/toddler state. Thankfully with Randall and Barry he’s in a better position, but it’s been horrible having to unlearn all the internalized ableism he obtained while in foster care.

Likes aliens a whole ton especially in regression. He has a little alien pacifer and plushie too!

He’s fairly embarrassed of regressing (because of internalized ableism mentioned before), but Randall and Barry try their best to help him move that humiliation. They understand that it’s out of his control, and help him the best they can. He’s just their little baby boy <:)

That’s all the headcanons I have so far here’s two paci edits :>

[betweensunflowersanddaffodils]

Kevin and Madison's love story (and why they will be endgame)

Here I am, trying to explain to people that don't want to understand Kevison's storyline.

The way Kevin and Madison found each other is the epitome of what the show is telling us since the pilot. How a stranger can become such a big part of your story, how life doesn't always take the route you imagined, but sometimes it can surprise you and give you something better than what you wanted. The writers told us more than once that Madison is Kevin's stranger and this is in fact their journey: they are going from strangers to lovers.

Another thing is that Kevin has an idealised view of what love is supposed to be. For his entire life he tried to replicate his parents' love story, he kept forcing love to the point that he thought he found "the one" in that woman he met at the bar and he even didn't know, he chased the perfect fairy tale love story thinking that love at first sight was the only valid type of love. This obsession made him being so blind that he never realised that the right person, Madison, has always been right in front of him. As soon as he saw her at Kate's wedding he was obviously physically attracted by her, but then he ended up judging her in the wrong way even before he had the chance to really know her. And Kate did the same mistake before she became Madison's best friend. And that's something that happens very often in real life too: we judge people by appearances.

Also, there's a reason why we keep seeing adult Sophie. The writers compared the relationship that Kevin has with Sophie, with the relationship he has with alcohol. Because that's what it is: Kevin tends to drown himself in alcohol when things get complicated and he does the same with Sophie. She represents a fantasy where Kevin can run to and drown himself into when things get too deep or too complicated because that's a relationship where he feels like he doesn't need to put in so much work and where he can pretend to be someone he is not.

Madison instead balances him out, as he said by himself, she makes him want to be a better person and to work for their relationship, preferring facts over big speeches full of empty words. Kevin wants Madison, but he also knows that he has an addict personality so he had to delate Sophie's number to get rid of any temptation.

In s4 ep. 12 Jack clearly said to Kevin that even if in that moment he was said cause he lost something he loved, it will come a day when he'll find something else to love, because that's how life works! Kevin loved Sophie but not to the point to consider her enough for him. And in fact young Kevin tells Randall that he is lucky to have Beth, cause she is his everything and clearly he didn't feel the same about Sophie.

The writers decided to give him an unconventional love story as a fulfillment of his character development. To make him realise that there's no such thing like a perfect fairy tale love story because life itself isn't perfect, and it doesn't matter if he fell in love with Madison only after she got pregnant, it doesn't matter if the start of their love story isn't fairy tale like, the only thing that matters is the journey.

Both Madison and Kevin know that they won't never know if they would have get together without this unexpected pregnancy, but it doesn't matter because again... *spoiler alert* that's life.

It happened and the "what ifs" at this point are pretty useless. Nobody is forcing them to be together and in fact Madison broke up with him. But love can grow and just because they found each other in an unconventional way, it doesn't mean they can't have an epic love story. Sometimes you can find love in an unexpected way and in an unexpected person. It's not a case that Kevin found Madison at Kate's home when he wasn't searching for love and they ended up conceiving two miracle babies. They will write their love story in the stars TOGETHER.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

In Your Arms ~J.M.

A/n: This wasn’t a request that inspired me to write a lot, so I didn’t, but I hope y’all enjoy this sweet little short! It’s been in my drafts way too long and I want to get more of these done so I can get to recent requests :)

Request: “...jack Morton x male reader where the reader is human of the pack and he always sleeps on the couch until the pack comes home. Jack thinks it’s adorable and carries him to his room and maybe they have a sleep talking conversation like reader:“no I have to wait for jack.” Jack:”why” reader:”because I like him”...”

Word Count: 1800+

MASTERLIST

Listen, being a werewolf in a human world is hard enough especially when it comes with a whole new world of secret societies and magic and literal demons and magic and endless rules that you have to learn and oh did I mention ACTUAL MAGIC?

It is exponentially harder when you make things worse by shoving a human into that world.

Y/n didn't have a werewolf ability to defend himself, or heal him when he got hurt. He didn't have magic... which you know thinking about it now, might be a good thing. He'd rather be useless than be part of the Order.

That was the problem though, wasn't it? He had chosen to be useless. That's what he was now.

I mean sure,  he'd read the books Jack had given him enough times to memorize them, and he was getting used to playing doctor. He was also getting really good at helping in small ways. Helping Hamish grade papers, or doing one night of homework for Lilith, or passing some messages around when Randall forgot because he was busy with supernatural stuff. He was great to talk or rant to, and all of the Knights had been utilizing the very nice ability to go off to someone who actually listens. Sure, he had fallen into a habit of taking notes for the Knights in the classes he had with each of them, if they missed. But... that was just school stuff. Sure it took off a lot of the pressure in the long run (a lot more than he probably even realized), but if they died what the fuck did school mater?

When Jack almost died after the whole meltdown with Silverback a while ago, it had really pushed Y/n into gear. He was a lot faster at responding to things; a lot more eager to help; and above all, the single most annoying person ever when it came to asking about going along to showdowns to play backup.

The others simply refused again and again, and, again and again, he would end up sitting in an empty room as he pretended to focus on whatever task he had given himself to kill time before the worry got to him and he just curled up on the couch ad stared at the ceiling. Worry ate him alive for several hours, and then he'd fall asleep. Most of the time because things always went far later than intended, but also sometimes because between being a student, having a job, scrambling to cover for your friends too, and spending several hours emotionally exhausting yourself with unimaginably high stress levels, one simply passes out.

As Y/n's falling asleep became more and more of a habit, things started to get complicated. Because the thing was, he always fell asleep waiting, so he would be in the Den's living room, uncomfortably scrunched on the couch. They'd left him there a few times and he always woke up sore and aching. They'd tried to wake him up a few times and, half delirious, he had overly emotional reactions. After he had broken down into tears at how happy he was to see all of them alive and then been so embarrassed he hadn't talked for three hours the next day in pure shame, they had decided against the waking him up method. Which only left one option: one of them carried him to bed.

Lilith had tried, but the size difference between her and Y/n was big enough that it was jst awkward for her. She was small (even though she'd never admit it). She's end up waking him up, or dropping him, and that was the last thing they wanted.

Hamish had also tried, but he was really awkward and didn't know how to let Y/n get comfortable in his arms while walking around so that he wouldn't wake up, so Y/n often would. Then it would be super awkward as they just stared at each other. Their relationship was too brotherly and rigid to make room for touching it seemed.

Of course Randall had given it a try, and he was actually fairly good at it, but as much as he was big enough to actually carry Y/n, and at ease enough to let Y/n stay asleep, he wasn't good at maneuvering, which often left him pinned under Y/n when he actually put the sleeping boy to bed. Which lead to a lot of them cuddling. Which, while that was chill and platonic and fun and stuff, made Jack super jealous.

Oh yeah, Jack had a HUGE crush on Y/n, so it only felt right that eventually everyone left it up to Jack to take Y/n to bed. He could pick Y/n up, carry him to bed, and put him in an actual bed without any problem.  Y/n didn't know this was happening. He had gotten used to everyone taking turns carrying him to bed, and they hadn't said anything so he assumed they'd just gotten better at it.

That's probably why on one particular night, he didn't simply assume that he was talking to Jack when he was picked up and began to be carried to bed.

That night was different, because Jack and Y/n had plans to study. Jack had an important test the next day and he and Y/n had the class in common, so Y/n had volunteered to stay up a little later to go through what Jack had missed. It had gotten derailed when Jack had been called away for Knight business, but Y/n had only written it off and told Jack that he'd still be there when it was over and they could continue if Jack was up for it. Unfortunately, it was one of the really time consuming ones, and Jack didn't get back until well into the night.

Dutifully, Y/n was asleep on the couch. His face was contorted oddly. Even asleep, the couch was uncomfortable enough to leave him with a permanent frown, even if it was soft since he was asleep. Jack wasn't surprised though - the couch was so small it barely fit two people on a good day, so sleeping on it was not a fun time.

Considering all of that, Jack thought it incredibly adorable that Y/n found a way to fall asleep on it anyway. They had told him a hundred times to just go to sleep in his bed, but he had refused time and time again. He had insisted that he needed to be as accessible as possible if nything went wrong. If they needed him, he had to be close. He insisted that it was best to be on the couch, and had sworn that he was trying to get into the habit of not falling asleep. But he always did, and he always ended up in the exact same situation. Not that Jack minded. It gave him a prime moment to hold his crush.

He scooped Y/n up now, smiling as the sleepy boy's head fell on Jack's chest. He sucked in a small breath but then settled. Jack chuckled to himself as Y/n pressed his nose into Jack's shirt, burying his face to get closer to the closest source of warmth since he didn't have a blanket. Jack began to carrying him to the stairs to head upstairs, but was stopped when Y/n's foot caught just a second on the doorframe. See, earlier Jack had hurt his arm. Due to werewolf healing it was almost fine, but it was still quite sore, and the tug on his shoulder when Y/n's ankle caught on the wall, forcing his leg into Jack's shoulder... Well it wasn't a big enough pain to make him drop Y/n or shout or anything, but it was enough to startle Y/n just a little bit awake.

"Wh- what?" Y/n mumbled, blinking heavy eyelids as he tried to look around. Jack winced, feeling guilt rise. "What happened? What did I miss?" His words were slurred, and it was obvious that he was barely conscious.

"Nothing," Jack reassured, hoping Y/n would just go back to sleep. If he knew Jack was there he would insist on staying up and helping. It would be nice and much appreciated - since Jack really did need help - but more than Jack needed help, Y/n needed sleep. He had been crashing on the couch for a reason; he was exhausted.

So Jack immediately rushed to soothe, "Nothing happened, just hit your foot on the wall by accident. Go back to sleep."

Y/n huffed, a whine in his voice when he argued, "No put me back." Jack tried to swallow a smile. It was adorable seeing a sleepy, whiny Y/n and that on top of his sleepy voice that was low and grumbly and kept cracking and having the boy in his arms, Jack was having a hard time not feeling a bit giddy.

He tried to keep his head on a little longer though. He needed to get Y/n to bed. "And why do you NEED to go to bed?" He teased lightly.

"I have to wait for Jack," Y/n mumbled, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. "We have plans."

Jack's smile turned warm. He thought about telling he who he was, but if he did then he'd NEVER get Y/n to sleep, so he decided to lean into the misconception that he was no in fact himself. "Jack will understand. It's late, you need to sleep."

"No," Y/n insisted with a firmer voice. He tried to struggle, but it was genuinely so pathetic that only a few seconds later he was still.

It made Jack wonder what Y/n was so desperate for though. "Why not?"

"He has a test tomorrow," Y/n explained with a soft irritation. "He needs help."

"You don't have to help him," Jack reminded softly, feeling suddenly guilty for some reason. Had he made Y/n feel obligated to help him?

"No I don't," Y/m agreed. "But I want to."

"Want to what?" Jack joked. "Stay away with a loser like him and lose sleep you need?" He had reached the top of the stairs now, and was headed to Y/n's door.

Y/n just rolled his eyes. "He's not a loser, but he does need help, and I can sacrifice a little sleep to help him with something he really needs. Making small sacrifices liek that is just what you do when you love someone."

Jack froze. WHAT?

When it was quiet for a long stretch of time, Y/n finally succumbed to the tiredness and his soft snores vibrated against Jack's chest. He cleared his throat and shook his head, opening the door and putting Y/n to bed. When he left the room, closing the door behind him, he came out with the biggest fucking grin he had ever worn.

Y/n like him back.

They had a lot to talk about tomorrow, and none of it had anything to do with a stupid test Jack no longer remembered. Because he loved Y/n too, and that's all he could think about right now.

Sorry Miss Styne.

[belamourelysianlimerence]

Arthur Fleck

SFW Alphabet

Okie-doke. So, he's here... but, i'm gonna answer.

But, you can correct me if I'm wrong about something.

'Mkay.'

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Haha! He's blushing. Umm... mhahaha, are you okay?

'Just answer the question...'

He is extremely affectionate. How... umm... he makes me laugh and smile. Aand...he's physically affectionate and verbally, also. Is that a good enough, very vague answer for you?

'Mhmm.'

Mokay.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He's a shy person. He's really shy, but that doesn't take away from the great amount of friendliness that he has. I think if he was more confident in talking to people, and if the people around him weren't such fuck heads, he'd have lots of friends... what do you think?

..... he's just nodding.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Yes. Haha. He loves to cuddle... do you wanna answer this...? No?

Yes, he's a cuddler. I think that goes hand in hand with his affection though. How? I mean, anyway you can think of, I guess.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

'I don't wanna do this anymore.'

Why? Don't leave. Sorry, I think this is embarrassing..... but not in a bad way.

'Why do they need to know this?'

It's just for fun.

.....

I'll just say... Yes. Yes he can. Yes he can.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I don't know, Arthur...? How would you break up with me?

'I wouldn't.'

If you had to.

'I don't have to.'

What if I was very mean to you all the time... would you keep me?

'No.'

Okay, how would you get me to leave?

'.....lock the door?'

Pfft. Okay, next.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Don't shrug. You have to answer these!

'I don't know what to say.'

If I asked you your name, would you shrug?

'No.'

Okay....

'I'd want to know you for a bit, first.'

Good answer!

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He touches me like I'm made of porcelain... unless I trip or something, of course.

You're not rough with me.

'No. Why would I be?'

...Myou can be... firm... though.

.....'yeah.'

Emotionally... your emotions remind me of water colors. Colorful, unique, .....messy. Sometimes. But, everyone gets messy at some point. Next.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

You like hugs?

'Yes.'

How often would you say we hug each other?

'Every day.'

But, how much?

.....'a lot.'

And... what are my hugs like?

'Soft.'

Okay.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

'How fast?'

Yeah, like in a relationship.

'Umm... I dunno.'

Like, first date?

'No.'

Then when?

.....'few months.'

Okay, doin' good!

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

....well?

'What?'

Dyou get jealous?

'No.'

:0 That's a lie.

'I don't.'

You do so! What about Randall?!

'Randall's a flirt.'

That doesn't make you mad?

'No.'

When he comes on to me, you're not mad.

'No.'

Pfft. Okay.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

'Why-'

It's just for fun! You don't have to be detailed.

'Mmm... .... soft.'

And where?

'.....'

He kisses me on the forehead a lot... right?

'Yeah.'

I don't kiss him specifically anywhere. Just kinda general.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

This... is your time to shine.

'Hmhm.. I love kids. They're fun.'

...and?

'I like it when they laugh, it's nice....

They make me happy.'

Arthur...

'What?'

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

WHAT DO WE DO IN THE MORNINGS???

'We.. drink coffee, don't yell.'

..... I'm sorry. What else do we do?

'Watch t.v.'

Mhmm...

'Eat cereal... or waffles. Sometimes you'll make french toast. I like that.'

That's really good. That's really good. Keep answering like that.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

'We sleep.'

Do we do anything else?

'I don't.. wanna-'

I mean before bed.

'Oh, um.. we watch t.v. Eat maybe.'

What do we watch?

'Murray Show.'

What's our favorite thing to watch though, you and I?

'Hm.. Americas funniest home videos.'

Heheh, yes. We like that.

'Mhmm.'

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

'Um... Interests first.'

Okay.

'Then... maybe family stuff?'

Right..

'Iunno.'

I told you a lot about me when we first met. Like, almost too much. But, you didn't seem bothered by that. Why?

'I didn't see anything wrong with it.'

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

You get..... pissy.

'Wha- no I don't.'

Pissy is the wrong word.... irritable.

'...I- yeah, okay.'

We get in fights... tiffs.

'Yeah. We're normal.'

I ain't normal!

'Ah... I mean we fight.'

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

'Mmm... I remember a lot.'

Yeah.

'I know your birthday, and.. your favorite color. What kind of ice cream you like...'

Do you know my middle name?

'Yeah.'

What is it?

[Muted For Privacy]

Correct.

'What's my middle name?'

...... uh-oh.

'You don't know my middle name?'

I mean, I never call you by it!

'I can't believe you.'

When did you tell me your middle name?

'When we first met, you asked.'

And I'm supposed to remember that today?

'I did.'

....Yes, you did. You're too kind to me.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

'Whenever you're gonna remember my middle name.'

Oh, shut up!

'Heheheh.'

Mine.. haha.. is... hm... there's too many choices. I can't pick.

'I like watching you cook.'

You do. You hover.

'Hmhmm. Yeah.'

..... I... I like when you come home.

'Aww.'

I miss you.

'I miss you, too.'

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

.....

'......'

.....?

'We protect each other.'

Mhmm.

'I don't let you get hurt.'

I don't let people push you around, or yell at you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

'I do... what I can.'

You mean financially?

'Yeah.'

I don't care about material things. Anything else?

'I make you breakfast in bed.'

Yes, you do. That's nice.

'You give me stuff.'

Yeah, Stuff that I know you'll use. Like that note book.

'Yeah, I like the notebook.... thank you.'

You're welcome.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Do I have any?

.....'No.'

Thaaat was a long pause.

'Hmhm.'

What do I do?

'Um... you're mean to yourself.'

Mmm?

'You put yourself down a lot... mmm...you tolerate me.'

Arthur!

'Msorry.'

That. You do that... ..... hm... I don't like that you smoke but..

'Yeah, I'm trying to quit.'

I know. ... you take life too seriously sometimes. Which is quite contrast to your job and your true personality. But, life's hard.

'Yeah.'

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

'.....'

Youuu... get concerned.

'.....'

Sometimes. You shouldn't be. But, you do, and I do to... sometimes.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

'Yes.'

What would you do if I never came back?

.....

Go in the fridge?

'Haha. Yeah, go in the fridge.'

You don't go in there at all anymore.

'Well, there's food in there. I don't wanna pull it out.'

I feed you.

'Yeah.'

I make sure you eat.

'Yeah.'

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

....You have less L-fits.

'Yeah.'

Is that cause of me?

'Yeah... and my pills.'

You mean the fact you don't take them?

'Can't afford them right now.'

I've told you I could get them.

'.....Mno.'

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

'Judgement.'

Same.

'Mean... rude.'

Mhmm... some one that puts you down.

'Yeah.'

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

You snuggle up really close to me at night.

'I do?'

Yeah. I don't mind. Do I do anything?

'You toss around a lot.'

Mhmm.

'And get out of bed a lot.'

Yeah, insomnia....

Okay. We're done.

'That was...odd.'

Just wait for the NSFW.

'What does that mean?'

You'll see. 😏

[madsdefencesquad]

The semi-companion piece to Kevin's one and it's all about Mads, of course. Dedicated to Kevison Nation (every single fudging one of you) and to @flythesail and @penny259 (your comments have me weeping haha 😚). Also on ao3.

A little into Madison Pearson by x (with additions) Summer 2026

I first met Madison Pearson a year ago at George Clooney’s 65th birthday celebrations in Perthshire, Scotland in a fashion closer to that of long-travelled friends who haven’t seen each other in years than that of complete strangers who just so happened to enjoy the same foodie indulgence (bacon-wrapped dates, anyone?). Despite the grandeur of the guests present at the lavish affair – politicians, laureates, philanthropists and A-list celebrities (including her own husband actor Kevin Pearson) – Madison Pearson had the kind of invigorating energy that just drew absolutely anyone in.

Perhaps it was the enchanting mix of contained excitement and understated class she exuded that will warm you upon beholding up close, or perhaps it was the charm of a more loquacious woman of California mixed with the rare intelligence of a world-traveller. Either way, despite the taxing social waltz her husband took her throughout the night bumping elbows with the elites, Madison was one of those people who truly left a lasting impression.

Squeezed next to her in the back of a cab, Madison is head-to-toe in Temperley London x Axel Arigato (vintage-inspired nautical jumpsuit and platform suedes) en route to a baking class where her five-year-old twins Nick and Franny are waiting for her to join them along with their father.

“I was supposed to get changed,” she says, lamenting on her attire worn for a meeting with some West Chester development executives that’s perhaps too luxurious for an afternoon of mixing flour and butter and sugar. “But you have to make at least a bit of an impression, right?”

Madison has been the powerhouse head honcho of the Pearson family business, Big Three Homes, since its establishment three years prior. With a solid background in business management and a surefooted ability to navigate the mores of an ever-changing property development landscape, it was no question that Madison would rise up to the challenge of breaking into the market with a business model founded on family, philanthropy and sustainability.

Despite growing up largely independent without people close enough to call family, Madison has also found the means to speak about her experiences in an effort to encourage and give hope to the younger generation of girls and young women who may be going through an ongoing battle between themselves and their self-worth.

“I never felt enough,” she says of the origins of her battle with her eating disorder that began when she was still in middle school. “I look at Franny and she’s so small and carefree and I want to give her everything I never had, but I know that even that won’t be enough unless she herself realises how worthy she is of all the good and all the love that she deserves.”

We pull up outside the baking studio and she brightens at spotting her husband and twins’ silhouettes behind the frosted glass windows. Nick and Franny almost topple over their stools as they rush to overwhelm their mother while their father scrambles to keep his heart rate down—a close call with their foreheads hitting the edge of the marble benches as they got down will just about do it.

Even with her petite frame, Madison carries the twins like she’s just holding a bag of groceries. Unsurprisingly, both Nick and Franny are as enamoured of their mother as she is of them and are on the verge of complaining when put down just as Kevin, grinning ear to ear, envelops Madison in his huge arms—to be fair, he’s always been quite remarkably chiselled but the Tom Ford sweater and those tailored jeans (chosen by his wife “of course” as Kevin credits) is a different level altogether. He leans down to give her a kiss.

Back in Perthshire a year ago at the Clooney extravaganza, I caught up with the married couple the day after the festivities over a traditional Scottish breakfast as we overlooked the highlands of the Gleneagles.

Perhaps unlike the Clooneys, who were still entertaining their guests from all over world, the Pearsons were much more relaxed within their own family bubble. Having just celebrated Kevin’s twin sister’s wedding three days prior with close family and friends, the pair was grateful to spend some quality time with each other and their twins without the need to be anything but present.

From my perch, Kevin and Madison were the kind of couple that were very much “old souls”. They held an affection for each other that is rooted from sincere fondness and adoration for each other—they converse like deep friends and trade wits like secret lovers. And despite the media attention of the adorable moments shared online (often by the social-savvy actor), Madison is uncompromising when it comes to the privacy of their children.

While the twins dipped in and out of the table pilfering scones or taking over their mother’s green juice, neither one of their parents were the least bit bothered by the constant attention they need to provide such a rumbunctious pair.

“They’re so funny,” Kevin said, a careful eye on little Nick who was staring at the whipped cream on his tiny finger like he was contemplating on wiping it on his dad’s face.

I do recall having a good laugh when I accompanied the family on a tour of a nearby 17th century castle and little Franny, a copy-and-paste of her mother, pointed at a wood-cut table decoration of what looked to be intertwined lovers and confidently yelled, “That’s mommy and daddy!”

The fierce mama bear of the Pearson household of four (Madison sometimes calls her husband “kid number three, but don’t tell him that or he’ll get ideas of trying for another!”), remarks that forging her own path away from her husband’s spotlight had been remarkably easy, and she gives much of the credit to the rest of the Pearson clan who all treasure family more than anything.

Even with the notoriety of her brother-in-law, rising political star Randall Pearson, who currently serves in the Philadelphia municipality and is on track for a career in congress, Madison says that quality time to rest and recuperate is a must.

“[My sisters-in-law] and I have a girls weekend every other month when we can where we literally book ourselves a gorgeous Airbnb and just glamp down. I’m talking sleep-ins, endless mimosas, spa sessions… you name it! It’s the kind of getaway that [our husbands] get really jealous for.”

And upon being reminded, Kevin, now sporting Franny’s tiny chef’s hat, shakes his head at his wife conspicuously as if in reprimand that he most definitely should be included in the gals’ next glamping session despite him being, well, not a gal.

While Nick proudly counts five of about a thousand sprinkles that are scattered on his side of the bench, Madison congratulates him with a warmth and pride that is infectious enough to make you think that she’s proud of you too. And despite her husband’s very obvious possessiveness over her—you could count only one occasion where the actor is not at arm’s length from her—when Madison focuses her attention on you, it’s not difficult to believe that this powerhouse woman could truly do absolutely anything.

“She is that and more,” Kevin says about his wife. “Sometimes I can’t believe that this is my life. Our life! Like, she’s mywife, and these two are our kids. It’s just wild! I’m grateful, just grateful.”

Despite the doubts and fear that had been Madison’s constant companions for most of her life and especially going into adulthood, there is a fierce resilience in her that she could only credit her dear grandmother Frances—her own daughter having been named after her.

“She always believed in me,” she recalls, an eye on the twins squatting by the oven watching their creations rise. Despite the deep grief and loss that are quite intimately shared by the married couple, Madison says that it has only made them more resolute in loving their children and each other as best as they possible can every day.

“You just don’t know when it’s your time,” she says. “So, Kev and I make sure that there are no ‘next times’ when it comes to our family.”

When I had asked Madison about Big Three Homes back in Scotland, she squealed at the origin story of its founding, which started with Kevin’s late father Jack Pearson having asked his wife Rebecca to start the business together as partners.

Although Jack’s tragic and unexpected passing put an indefinite hold to this dream, its fulfilment through his son Kevin and through Madison is a testament to the kind of legacy that Jack Pearson had begun through his kids.

“I mean, it started off as more of a passion project for Kev,” Madison says. “But we knew it was always going to be something really special. Especially because his first project was the house that Jack had wanted to build for his mom. And when Kevin had this wonderful idea of bringing the family together to start the business and he asked me to be a part of it, how could I have said no!”

Kevin makes a point to say though that even if the idea of Big Three Homes originally came from his parents, its fulfilment is as much a part of his and Madison’s own story as it is his parents’. And choosing to have Madison work alongside him wasn’t just the best choice (given how much of a boss she is), but it was the only choice he ever wanted or considered.

“I know this is cliché, but I can’t stand not being with her,” Kevin says. “I made a point of this when our twins were born, and I meant it!”

Madison and the family split their time between California and Pennsylvania both for Kevin’s work and for the business, but nowadays, it’s more of an 80-20 split in favour of the east coast.

When asked about a career path carved away from her hometown in California, Madison says fondly, “It surprises a lot of people when I say this but I’m actually an east coast girl.”

This fun fact translates quite well in Madison’s day to day. She could turn any conversation into an erudite discussion, and she will utterly beguile you with her knowledge of books and literature—her constant companions when she can sneak away to her own personal Taj Mahal, a stunning Japanese garden in the backyard of their Pennsylvania home which Kevin built especially for her.

As the Pearsons continue to make a splash in the world of construction, politics, arts and entertainment—a rare mix indeed for a family in the spotlight—Madison is determined to continue writing a story with her husband and her children that she never had growing up.

With the twins happily destroying their creations by the mouthfuls, Madison promises that another visit is a must and perhaps this time, she can show us a collection of Kevin’s baby photos coupled with her own personal commentary to boot.

And who would say no to that.

[anothertastelesstetrahedron]

Descole headcanons maybe 👀

Did someone say Descole? 👀 I’m just gonna put the whole thing under the read more cut, since this ended up being a very long post - and I mean looooooong - like almost 3000 words long. Major spoilers for most of the games - mainly the Descole Trilogy (looking at you AL), but there’s also one UF one.

Des has terrible handwriting. I just think it would be funny if that's the one thing he cannot change about himself while impersonating someone else. He can manage faking signatures, but free writing as someone else? He has to try very, very hard to get that (nearly) right. Tbh for most of his roles that’s also hardly a problem, so he doesn’t bother.

He dehydrated/had a heat stroke at least once while in full costume. There must be a reason why Raymond tries so hard to make sure the AL gang takes water bottles, sunscreen and so on with them. Des has no self-preservation instinct (unless having Raymond around counts as Des taking care of himself?) He also probably almost died in Monte d’Or due to the heat.

Des beat up those guys who hurt Layton in UF. Listen, no one is allowed to hurt his bro except for him.

The first thing Des did after AL was visit Umid - after getting the much needed medical treatment. Because I absolutely love their interactions he promised to do so. It would be funny for him to show up in full costume as well.

Des eventually got used to Kietz (because the cat is now living with Raymond and Des. You cannot change my mind about that) At first he hated Kietz. Des is basically the old cat in the Bostonius that now has to get used to the new one lol

I know it was just the writers having no idea about Des’ backstory in LS but I still can’t stop thinking about how Hershel felt that Descole (in full costume) was familiar. So what if young Hershel Bronev actually liked to dress up in a costume similar to the Descole one? And that had left an impression on young Theo...

I also still cannot get over the fact that Des knows how to make Layton the perfect tea. Well, he had Raymond make it, but still. How does he know what kind Layton likes? Theory one: Layton’s taste hasn't changed from when they were kids. Theory two: He stalked observed Layton’s tea-drinking activities. Maybe he even posed as a waiter sometimes to find Layton’s favourite tea.

Des had kept track of how Layton was doing for a long time. He also was very close to introducing himself a couple of times. Obviously he never did. One reason why he decided against it was certainly to keep Layton away from everything. Des had given him the chance to live a peaceful life, so he obviously didn’t want to risk that. But that’s not all to it. Though Des hated himself for even feeling that, he was a bit jealous. It’s not that he regretted his decision from back then, but he still couldn’t help feeling that way. Plus, Hersh was a reminder of his past life. So while Des had his family that was another reason why he didn't approach - though in the beginning, he had actually thought even more about talking to Layton. However, Des had really tried to let go of his revenge and thus also his past - so Layton couldn't be a part of Sycamore's life. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he also couldn't help but think about their father whenever he looked at Hersh. He knows that’s not fair, but it’s what it is. The same way he thinks about Bronev whenever he sees his own eyes in the mirror. After his family’s death and after he became Descole he stopped approaching Hersh altogether and kept his distance. Not only because, again, he wanted to keep Layton out of all of this - even more so than before, because Des had already lost his family again, so losing Hersh was not an option (I write even though Des tried to kill Hersh himself hjasdjd)-, but also because he was afraid of how disappointed Layton would be were he to find out about all the things Descole had done. Des feared that he’d hate him.

Relating to one point in the previous point, Des absolutely hates mirrors. His reflection is bearable while being dressed as Descole, but he still avoids them like the plague. Even more so as AL Desmond. He also absolutely hates it when someone compliments his eyes - the thing he hates the most about his appearance.

Relating to that, I know Des’ glasses are just for show, but what if they are optical glasses nevertheless? Like, he cannot stand seeing clearly (especially since he ran into Bronev a couple of times and he absolutely doesn’t want to see that guy’s face). Maybe it’s also to help him distance himself even further from the others - especially Layton(?).

Des only possesses one photo of his family. It had been in his wallet when they died. I am just gonna assume Targent blew up his house, leaving Des with almost nothing. As much as he wishes to have the photo with him at all times, it's far too dangerous to do so while being Descole. Maybe Raymond keeps it safe? Or Des just keeps it in Desmond’s office? Maybe that was one of the things he actually liked while being Desmond again, at least he actually could carry the photo around this time.

Des lies a lot (obviously) - also to himself. (This is also me just trying to make his writing make more sense, since it often seemed to me he was written by 4+ people who didn't tell each other what they’ve written). I am thinking of that one bonus scene in MM where Des acts all empathetic towards Randall. “Just the thought of those poor parents, desperately looking for their own child.” That line does sound a lot like something Des himself knows too well… And then, one moment later, after Randall has left, Des just admits to himself that he’s just using Randall. (srsly writers??) I’m not saying that’s not right, because he’s certainly using him - no point in sugar-coating that - but he’s also very much trying to distance himself from Randall and his issues and reminding himself to focus on his goals and to not get distracted. Because Des does care. And I also think that he could have achieved his goal without Randall, but when he had learnt that Layton lost his best friend, Des tried everything in his power to get him back.

What is Des’ “true self”?

That is the one question I’m thinking about the most. It’s probably gonna get a bit complicated now… Let’s see if I can make my own words make sense (I really tried haha). For clarity's sake I’m gonna use three different names now: First, we have Des - the name I’m gonna use for the “true(est)” version of him - whoever that really is. Then we have Desmond - the AL Desmond Des “played” during AL. And, finally, there is Descole which is of course the Descole “role”.

Des has some serious identity issues - because of course he does. Descole started as a role (Des is even literally wearing a non-practical costume) that served a specific purpose. Des initially “created” Descole to have an outlet for all his rage and despair - and to get back at Targent without revealing himself. And I imagine some characteristics of Descole are things Des added, because he wanted Descole to appear a certain way different from how Des presented himself outside the costume. No one was to find who was behind the mask after all, so Descole had to act differently. Descole’s arrogance comes to mind, like that one just strikes me as not (fully) being Des himself. Des pretty much hates himself and blames himself for a lot of things. But Descole is also much more than a simple role. He’s very much a part of Des himself - it’s Des' own anger and his own feelings Descole is based on after all. Over the years, the lines between Des and Descole got more blurry. And now Des pretty much cannot tell the difference anymore between the things that make him him and the things he had just put into the Descole persona. So while Descole was initially based on parts of Des himself, over time Des truly lost himself in Descole who had become its own thing as well. Think method acting gone completely wrong - or right?

In a similar yet also opposite way, (AL) Desmond is also a role Des played during the game. Des said that he had just assumed Desmond’s identity again to get close to Layton and use him (which I don’t believe is 100% true, because I am convinced that a part of Des wanted to be saved. And also longed to see his brother again - and wanted Layton to like him), but it does make me think that Des mostly runs around as Descole. Obviously Des had kept the Desmond persona alive enough for Desmond to be regarded as a world-famous archeologist. But then again, it clearly doesn’t matter in the PL-universe if people don’t do their jobs.

I still do not know how much of Desmond is the “true” Desmond. Even if Des based Desmond on how he used to be with his family, there’s still the question how close Des actually comes to that. Memories can be deceiving and I doubt Des remembers exactly how he used to be. So maybe Desmond’s speaking style, his mannerism could be an act instead of that being Des’ true (past) self. Or which I like better, it’s a confusing mix between “lie” and “truth”. Some things are exaggerated (people tend to romanticize the past, so even with his family Des(mond) might not have been as nice as he presents himself to be as AL Desmond). Some aspects are more or less really Des(mond) and some other things are just stuff Des added to the Desmond role - consciously or not.

Let’s take this thought even further. When Des tried to leave his revenge behind and concentrate on his family, was that Des(mond) really his true(est) self? Or did Des play a role during that time as well (at least partly)? Des cannot let go. That has been shown throughout the games. So while he had tried to put Targent behind him, he might not have been able to do that completely. Thus he buried some things deep inside him and concentrated on “playing” Desmond Sycamore. Who might be the person he wished to be(?).

Long story short, I think that maybe AL Desmond is an idealised version of the Desmond Des used to be. Des acted like how he used to be while his family was still alive - or as much as possible, since he absolutely cannot let go of the pain completely. So his AL Desmond appearance could also be how he had looked like back then. I honestly do not even know if AL Desmond is the “true face” under the mask. Or if Desmond is also kind of like a “costume”. His appearance could be inaccurate as to how present Des really looks like. Descole’s character model also makes no sense. Like the hair that is sometimes visible doesn’t really look like Desmond’s most of the time after all. So is Descole wearing another wig? Is Desmond? I kind of like the idea that Des met Layton with his true appearance, so I’m on the fence here. Maybe he’s not wearing a wig, but extensions?I very much like the idea of Des appearing with his true face though… So I am kind of reluctant to have Desmond look too different from Des. Plus, Layton could have noticed if Desmond was in fact wearing a wig and that might have made Layton suspicious. But maybe Des dyed his hair a bit, and/or is wearing extensions? Maybe he actually already has grey hair, who knows. I certainly don’t.

However, I also believe that Desmond is far less of a role than Des probably thinks/admits. Over the course of the game, he might have lost himself in the Desmond role in a similar way to how he has lost himself in Descole.

Des' time as AL Desmond changed him for sure. And he does act differently as Descole after he changed into the costume than in the previous games. (I’m gonna make a whole separate post about how the German version uses different forms of politeness - and Des does speak rather … strange/different after his revelation than in other games… Again, I know that that’s just the writers being the writers, but where is the fun in that?)

Present day Des has probably no idea who his true self is anymore… Him “playing” Desmond further complicated things. Which parts did he make up, which parts are truly him? I don’t think there’s an easy answer to that… But that also makes Des so fascinating to me. I also really wonder what name he prefers after AL…

As much as I like the idea that Des himself came up with the plan to approach Layton as Desmond, I also very much like the idea that it had been Raymond instead who had suggested it. Raymond probably has to listen to a lot of Des’ angry rants. And after hearing another one about Layton seeing through one of Des’ disguises, Raymond came up with the idea to just go as himself next time. Partly also because Raymond knows Des better than anyone else and he knows how much Des longs to see his brother again - even if Des himself doesn’t admit that.

Des has acquired quite a lot of scars over the years… He does fall down a lot, so it’s bound to happen. He was probably wearing a fair bit of makeup in AL to hide some of them - in addition to his visible lack of sleep. Speaking of, I don’t think Des slept all that much during AL. He probably has nightmares that wake him up screaming. No way he could (or would want to) explain that to the others. Maybe that’s what he has been doing while he was not with the gang. He was taking a much needed nap… Or ...

… or he goes into the one room in the Bostonius that’s completely sound-proof (because that surely exists) and just screams (and cries) for a bit. In full Descole costume. He cannot bear being Desmond and being around the others at all times. He needs to have an outlet for his emotions.

Des really tried to retain his (emotional) distance from everyone in AL. I noticed that in the beginning he hardly ever said anything while I was clicking everything (and I hope believe that I’ve really clicked everything for potential Des dialogue). But he says more over time. It also takes a long time for him to talk about his family. So maybe that’s him slowly warming up to the others. Des was also probably still figuring out how to be Desmond (again). In a way, I think Desmond was one of his easiest yet also his most challenging role he ever had to “play”. No one is more familiar to him and yet also a total stranger. Plus, he had to be extra careful not to reveal too much. Can’t have been easy (which is why he needed to go scream for a bit sometimes).

He feels immensely guilty about caring for Aurora. He was especially reluctant to get closer to her, but he also just couldn't help caring for her. Because she reminded him of his daughter. He just feels very conflicted as he got more and more attached to her, not only because he knew he would eventually betray her, but he felt like in caring for Aurora he was betraying his daughter in a way… This guilt could apply to Flora as well when he eventually meets her.

One day after AL he found the Popoño he had bought for Aurora. He keeps it close ever since.

His revenge is achieved after AL, so there should be no reason for Descole to continue existing. But I don’t think Des will be able to let go of Descole right away. The AL ending shows that anyway. I feel him putting the mask back on in his last scene makes sense for him. He still cannot bring himself to leave Descole behind and he also very much still cannot bear to see his father’s eyes whenever he looks in a mirror. It would have been too sudden for him to just put all the pain behind him. Des’ revenge was basically also the one thing that defined his whole life. And Descole has been a part of his life for a long time as well - the pain and anger that led to Des creating Descole have been inside Des long before his family got killed. I can’t imagine it easy to just let go of all of that. Des is truly lost at the end of AL. He has lost his purpose, the one thing that made him go on. And he needs to figure out who he is himself. Even more so after his whole posing as Desmond again. I like to think that Des will be able to let go of Descole eventually, but that will be a slow process and not something that’s gonna happen overnight. Instead he’ll probably put on the costume fewer and fewer times until, eventually, Descole just disappears. Maybe he’ll stop when he runs out of costumes lol. No matter what, it’s gonna be a long road for Des to be able to heal… (And he should totally go get back to Layton and apologise to Layton and to a loooooot of other people and then they both go to therapy)

[orange-waterfalls]

Reader w/wings hc's p.2: lesser- known egos/egos i just didn’t wanna put in the last one

ty @fancybootm for the request!

A/N: IT’S BEEN A WHOLE ASS MONTH SINCE I GOT THIS I AM SO FUCKING SORRY. school is suck. anyways. my brain convinced itself that I had to have the same amount of egos in this one as the last one so shit's long again. I had a bit of trouble but scrounged up enough of them. uhhh I don't... we don't really know a lot? about the personalities of these ones? so I just went with what I thought. for Heistiplier, I like to think Mark in AHWM and ADWM is a completely separate person from Actor. Like until we get to the Actor timeline he is a separate person altogether. Night Guard Mark is like mark from the fnaf musical because i can and fuck you. the egos are very random and from many lesser known videos so uh. you might not know all of them. I didn’t even know all of them at first. some of these fuckers annoy me to no end so I had to make them more likable for my own sanity cjfufydy. I only skimmed through after I wrote so it might suck lol. Uh rated T for cursing. Mentions of religion and mental health. Enjoy!

Y/N(reader) w/ wings headcanons p.2

Ed Edgar saw you as a profiting opportunity.

Bastard only uses you for commercials at first

Wings sell shit, don’t they? Kids are into wings these days?

One day you get pissed and just punch him

He respects you after that…

He’s very loud, of course, and your ears tend to be sensitive

He tries to quiet down when he sees you make a face

It’s difficult because that… that’s just his normal volume

He talks about his son sometimes. Not to you specifically

He gets sad… you still don’t completely understand what happened.

Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t either

You instinctively wrap your wings around him for Safety and Comfort

He is a MAN who DOES NOT CRY but goddammit, he was close 

He enjoys your company

The Silver Shepherd thought he was gonna rescue you

He’s a superhero, he HAS to save you, right?

Nah, you’re the one saving him more often than not

He tries not to be jealous, but goddamn

Your wings are just. So big. And pretty

He’ll complain to you about his girlfriend “cheating” on him

You know the bullshit he pulls, but you listen because why not

He appreciates that you at least pay a little bit of attention

He doesn’t do a whole lot of hero work, but he usually brings you along

Just for a bit of extra support

More often than not, you’re doing most of the work

You let him believe he did something, though

You boost his very low ego, and so you get along

Derek Derekson was a little bitch

Also saw you as a profiting opportunity

Yelled sometimes when you messed up

You took deep breaths and tried to stay calm the first few times

Then you snapped, calling him a variety of... words...

He stopped yelling at you, but not much else changed

You got along well with Eric, and he appreciated you for that

He does care about his only living son, at least a little

You two don’t… talk a lot

He’ll watch you from afar, occasionally

You constantly encourage him to TALK TO HIS CHILD and GO TO THERAPY

You still don’t like him, and he feels the same way

But he’s… trying

Randall Voorhees thought you were badass

He wasn’t as used to magic and weird shit as the others

You were absolutely awesome to him

He’d never seen an angel before!

Even though he didn’t really KNOW that you were an angel

He just assumed and refused to change his mind

Harder to hide you wings in crowded cities, like where he lives

You spend a lot of your time with him cooped up in his apartment

He felt bad, so he rents a mountain cabin up in Albany whenever you visit

You two ski and snowboard look me in the eyes and tell me the bitch isn’t a snowboarder

He’s a construction worker, so he’s usually busy

You visit him on his lunch break sometimes.

The other workers claim to see you, but he’ll always deny it

He buys a pizza whenever you visit and you eat it together

You two are so cute it’s sickening

Yandereplier claimed you as their new senpai

They saw you, you had wings, you were nice

And now you are Senpai

You aren’t sure why you get a weird feeling whenever they call you this

Luckily, you don’t have many friends, at least none that they could kill…

They showed you their weapon collection to impress you

You were scared and also impressed

They take you to a cherry blossom tree near their house

You talk and hang out and eat lunch

They don’t call you senpai anymore and they talk to you normally

And you no longer stare at the blood on their uniform

Night Guard Mark prayed you wouldn’t try to kill him

He might have PTSD from Freddy Fazbear’s

Those animatronics left a mark…

It took a little while for him to trust you not to harm him

When he did, HOO BOY is he a chatterbox

He has so many theories about the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Chain

Dark’s told you not to talk about the actual lore. It might break his spirit

You get very worried sometimes

He looks like that one picture of Charlie Day. You know the one.

Sometimes he gets panic attacks

You wrap him in a cocoon of your limbs and wings to ground him

He likes you for that

You hang out, playing games and watching movies. No horror. Absolutely NONE

You can handle him, and he likes you

Dr. Plier was curious about you

He wondered how you felt about… everything

He asked if you were ok one day and you broke down

He felt guilty and bought you ice cream

He sees you as a sort of… psychological experiment

Like he asks you very strange and slightly personal questions

Ok, very personal, but he’s a therapist, what can you do

He eventually stopped the interrogation and talked to you normally

You get along fine, but it’s kind of the same situation as Dr. Iplier

Chef Iplier wasn’t really all that phased

You were surprised by this because… well… wings

But he just… treats you normal, for the most part.

Sometimes he’ll pet your wings, but only if you let him

He loves how soft your feathers are

He doesn’t make that his entire perception of you

It’s a nice change of pace

He tries to cook for you sometimes, but uh. It doesn’t go well

You’re still confused as to how someone can set a glass of water on fire

You mostly just order take out

You hang out like normal people

Which neither of you are, but you’re both fine with that

Paranormal Investigator Mark is obsessed with figuring you out

Nearly had a panic attack when he first saw you

He wanted to prove the supernatural exists, but he didn’t have a lot of evidence before

And then your mystical-ass came along

Like the Jims, he tried to get pictures, and they all ended up blurry

He threw a fit over it, and you felt kinda bad

You tried to take the picture yourself but it came out the same

He gave up after a while

He info dumps about paranormal stuff to you

It can last from 5 minutes to 5 hours

You do pay attention though, and that makes him happy

He takes you on investigations sometimes

You don’t do much except break shit with those giant wings of yours

He stopped taking you on investigations

Cooliplier is not sure what to think

You have wings! Great! There’s absolutely nothing he can do about that

Not the most normal, but not the weirdest either

He tends to put on a tough-guy persona around new people

You were a lil intimidated

Then you became friends and mans did a full 180 around you

Went from “Your daughter calls me daddy too” to “I’ll have her home by 9 sir”

His personality is sort of a mix of the two

Catch you both screaming the lyrics to Mr. Brightside at 12:00 am

Took you to a mosh pit once

You got kicked out cause of the wings

He felt bad, but you had fun

He teaches you how to dance and roller skate

You also go for rides on his motorcycle

Once you just started flying while he was driving and it was the most fun shit ever

You’re “buds”, as he often tells you

Goopiplier likes you a lot

They like having another not-completely-human creature to talk to

I mean, some of the others aren’t exactly human…

But they’re not the best conversationalists…

Then again, neither is goop.

They mention the Dark Gods ONCE and suddenly no one wants to talk to them…

But you do!! Yay!!!

You mostly just hang out, do whatever

Watch movies, play games, or just talk

They like to draw you

They’re not very good, but you keep them all anyways

Sometimes they do… rituals. While you’re around

You are… a little scared, but that’s okay!

You have sleepovers and act like teenagers

You mock the others and then giggle, getting louder as you go

They’re not that funny, but you had to be there

Elder Jeremiah is terrified of you

He nearly pissed his pants when he saw you

He thought he was finally going to have to pay for his sins

He started crying, and you panicked

Why the FUCK was this 20-something-year-old well-dressed man crying at you???

He dropped his bike and fell to his fucking knees and begged for forgiveness

You felt very uncomfortable with the whole situation

You told him to get up bc he was dirtying up his pants

He eventually stopped crying and you told him you were not an angel

Also not a demon, as you said when he asked

He avoids you, mostly, still thinking you’re gonna drag him down to hell

He stopped the uh. The stealing since you came around

He will hang around/with you sometimes to see if you “reveal your true form”

You haven’t yet, and never will, BUT WHEN YOU DO, HE’LL BE THERE

He does think you’re very nice, though

Preistiplier thinks you’re an angel sent to assist him

He is doing holy work, it only makes sense that He would send a helper

He was disappointed, to say the least

He then came to the conclusion that you lost your memory of being an angel

You couldn’t exactly dispute it, since you don’t remember

So, he takes you on hunts

You don’t do much except make a bunch of fucking NOISE with your WINGS

He’d hoped you’d smite the demons

Or at least scare them, but they know you’re not an angel

He still takes you on hunts because, he’d never admit it, but he… gets scared

You promised not to tell a soul

You confess your sins to him sometimes

They’re usually not what he considers sins, but he listens anyways

He thinks you are a good person, and he enjoys conversations with you

Heistiplier was just normal around you

Well… as normal as he can be

You’d enjoy his company a lot more if he didn’t have such a god complex

You still like him a lot

He likes you too

Even if you did refuse to rob a bank with him

He’s a very… exciting person

Though you don’t really want to be around him when he gets upset

The entire world literally seems to revolve around what he does

He’s a drama queen, and completely feral

It’s worrying at times

You two are normal friends

Playing video games, watching youtube, etc. etc.

You listen to his stories and wonder how he's not dead yet

But you can admit, he's really fucking funny

[itsafanficthing]

The Paper Boy - Chapter 7

A03 is here

Saturday. The first week of school was finally complete. Claire had made it through with the help of Jamie and his friends, making a few of her own (the Hunter twins, Louise de La Tour, Frank Randall, and to Jamie's dismay- Tom Christie). She seemed to be fitting in well and as soon as his friends had had their fun with her posh accent, they had accepted her as one of their own.

Homework had piled up despite it being only the first week back and after Jamie finished his Saturday paper run and his morning chores (and a quick visit to the Demon Horse Donas) Jamie was spread out at the kitchen table with his Physics homework. Jenny was making jars of plum, raspberry and blackberry jams, occasionally singing along to the soft music of Fleetwood Mac playing in the background. Jamie studied his current question, twirling his pen in his fingers as he thought it over.

Problem 2.19

Jules Verne in 1865 suggested sending people to the Moon by firing a space capsule from a 200-m-long cannon with a launch speed of 10.97 km/s. What would have been the unrealistically large acceleration experienced by the space travelers during launch? Compare your answer with the free-fall acceleration 9.80 m/s2.

“What’s the question?” Jenny asked looking over at Jamie as the various jams bubbled away on the active top.

“It’s physics, acceleration patterns,” Jamie mumbled before he started to write some rough notes.

“Ye look like yer brain’s about to explode,” Jenny laughed as she turned back to the stove.

“Aye, I think I got it,” Jamie replied absentmindedly before scribbling out his previous answer and correcting his math.

They both worked in companionable silence as the music continued to flow through the kitchen. Jamie paused, looking up at Jenny as she sang along (Rhianna). It had been so long since they had simply enjoyed each other’s company and Jamie realised how much he missed it. They’d both been so busy with the farm and their own lives, that they had lost the joy of just being with each other. It didn’t matter that each were doing their own thing- simply being in each other’s company was a pastime sorely missed by Jamie. A time when Jenny wasn’t trying to parent Jamie and Jamie wasn’t trying to rebel against his sister.

“What’s wrong?” Jenny asked with her back to him, no doubt feeling his eyes on her.

“Nothin’,” Jamie grinned as he looked back down at his notebook.

“What are ye starin’ at?” Jenny asked as she turned around and Jamie could hear the amusement in her voice.

“It’s nothin’, we just have’na spent time like this together in a while. It’s good,” he mumbled somewhat embarrassed as Jenny made a satisfied grunt in acknowledgement.

“Aye, I ken.”

They both looked up at the sound of a knock on the front door, before looking at each other in confusion. Not many people came in through the front door; not many people who knew the Frasers anyway. More often than not people announced themselves as they walked in through the kitchen door.

“I’ll get it,” Jamie said as he stepped away from the table rubbing a hand tiredly over his face. “Could use the break anyway.”

Jenny nodded in acknowledgement before taking one her jams off the stove to cool.

Jamie opened the front door and was surprised to see Claire standing in front of him.

“Sassenach,” he greeted in surprise as Claire smiled at him.

“Jamie, I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she said blushing slightly. Jamie was wearing his ratty house clothes after a busy morning and he adjusted the hem of his old rugby jersey nervously.

“Not at all, I was just doin’ some homework. Come in.” Jamie stepped to the side as Claire passed him into the house. She smelt like… green- was the first word that came to Jamie’s mind- as if she had just risen out of freshly turned earth.

“I was in the kitchen with Jen,” Jamie said from behind her as he closed the door.

“If you’re busy I can go. Sorry, I didn’t mean to turn up unannounced, even though that’s exactly what I’ve just done. It’s just that I don’t have your phone number and I thought you might have finished with your chores and you might want to hang out, but if you’re busy I can go. I mean I have your house number, but not your mobile. Do you have a mobile? I was just sitting at home and I was bored and I thought that you might be bored as well so I walked over here. I should get a bike because it was much farther than I thought it was, but it’s a nice day out so it wasn’t so bad. But if you are busy I can go.” Claire spoke quickly, hardly taking a breath between one thought and the next, and barely letting Jamie respond as she made her way to the kitchen when Jenny turned around.

“Claire!” Jenny greeted happily as she wiped her hands on a tea towel before trotting over to hug Claire who looked slightly taken aback by the welcome but hugged her back nonetheless.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” Claire’s voice was much softer than when she had been speaking to (at) Jamie and Jamie put it down to nerves at seeing Jenny again.

“Not at all. Jamie was just finishing up his homework, weren’t ye?” Jenny answered as she raised a meaningful eyebrow at Jamie.

“Aye, physics has had enough of my time for a Saturday,” Jamie nodded as he flipped his unfinished homework closed.

“Ye should take Claire around the property, show her the farm, she has’na seen it in daylight,” Jenny encouraged as she turned her back to the pair, clearly having decided their activity for them.

“Unless ye wanted to go somewhere else or do somethin’ else?” Jamie asked as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“That sounds perfect,” Claire answered with a slight blush to her cheeks.

—

Jamie ran quickly to his room to change into something a little more… well, a little more presentable. He didn’t care what his family saw him in, but he did care what Claire thought. She was wearing denim shorts and Jamie briefly worried about her pearlescent skin burning in the hot summer sun. Long slender legs with shorts that accentuated her small waist and shapely arse.

Upon returning to Claire who was waiting patiently for him in the hallway, he offered her some sun protection lotion and she took it gratefully explaining again, that the walk was much longer than she had thought- and the sun much hotter.

He tried not to look at her as she rubbed the lotion on her skin, he knew that there was nothing even remotely provocative about the way she was massaging the sun protection onto her body however, there was something so inherently sexy that Jamie could feel his cheeks flushing as he watched her. He felt indecent and immediately turned away from her to rub some onto his face. Perhaps try and disguise the red of his cheeks as rubbing his skin rather than from his indecent thoughts.

Thank the lord that Claire couldn’t read his mind. He was ashamed of the improper thoughts about her and would be mortified if she ever knew how often his body reacted to her.

When his father had given him “the talk” (a paralysingly horrendous ordeal for the pair of them) he had said that Jamie’s body would react to what he was attracted to, and sometimes without him even realising it. Sometimes when Jamie was least expecting it, or even a simple thought that usually he wouldn’t have even considered to be remotely sexual- his body had other ideas. That brought him some comfort at least. While he was largely in charge of his body, limbs and reactions, thanks to teenage hormones, there was also a lot of which he wasn’t in control.

His Da had also told him that when he met the right woman “he would know”. Jamie was sure that when his father had spoken with him, Brian meant years and years and years into the future. He didn’t mean right now. And so, although Jamie thought that he might be in love with Claire Beauchamp, he had certainly never been in love before, so how was he to know? Yes, she did things to his body, but love had to be more than that.

Other girls had given him a physical reaction of course. There was that one time that Laoghaire had worn a swimsuit- a two piece, that barely covered her body. Jamie had immediately looked away but not before he’d received an eyeful and his body reacted faster than his mind. The cold water that he had jumped in to avoid embarrassment had rapidly taken care of that issue.

Claire though, there was something about Claire. Just being around her gave him a hard-on, which was extremely unsettling when she was doing nothing beyond existing.

“Ready?” Claire asked as Jamie turned to face her. She was smiling at him brightly and he couldn’t help the swell of affection he felt for her. She still had some of the sunblock on her cheek, not quite rubbed into her skin.

“Aye, ye just have a bit of-” Jamie didn’t even think about it, he didn’t even hesitate, his hand was moving of its own accord. He gently cupped her chin while his thumb brushed lightly over her cheek.

Like pearl, satin, marble. Claire’s skin was smooth and Jamie found himself moving closer to her, his thumb making the same motion across her skin, though the mark had more than disappeared.

Her cheeks flushed as she met his eyes and his mouth dropped open, if nothing else to get some oxygen to his brain. Dhia, she was so beautiful, whisky swimming in her eyes, he was mesmerised. He could kiss her. He should kiss her. He wanted to kiss her. He needed to kiss her. Was time slowing down? What was that thumping noise in Jamie’s ears? His own heartbeat?

A cupboard slammed from the kitchen and Jamie could hear Jenny moving around and suddenly the room came back into focus with sudden clarity and Jamie stopped what he was doing. What was he doing? He couldn’t kiss her without her permission. He didn’t even know how she felt about him. She thought that they were friends, which they were, but still, you didn’t snog your friends.

“Lotion,” Jamie finished, “on yer cheek. I got it.” Taking a deep breath he took a rather large and somewhat unsteady step away from her and opened the door before striding purposefully out and readjusting himself surreptitiously.

She could never know the extreme effect she had on him.

—-

“Over there are the chickens,” Jamie pointed out as they walked casually through the back garden. “Ma had a wee vegetable patch over there. The horses are down on the back paddock at the moment, we could go see them?” He suggested without meeting Claire’s eyes. He couldn’t look at her after knowing the thoughts that went through his mind when she was putting on sun protection.

Claire nodded as she followed Jamie to the shed that housed most of the farming equipment.

“It’s a bit of a trek. We could take the bike,” Jamie said over his shoulder.

“I don’t have a bike,” Claire said with uncertainty as she followed Jamie.

“I dinna mean a push bike.” Jamie grunted as he heaved the roller door up to show his dirt bike. “This will be faster.”

“I can’t ride that!” Claire exclaimed as she saw what he meant, “I don’t know how.”

“Aye, but I do, all ye need to do is hang on.” Jamie smiled at her in what he hoped was a reassuring manner as he wheeled the heavy bike out of the shed.

“I… I’ve never been on a motorbike before,” Claire stammered as Jamie kicked the stand so that the bike was standing upright on its own.

“Weel, there’s a first for everything. This is just used for gettin’ about on the farm. I’ve been riding since a’fore I can remember. Ye’ll be safe with me- I promise. Jenny rides on the back all the time.”

“Do we… should we be wearing helmets? Or jackets?” Claire asked nervously as she took a step closer to the bike and reached out to touch it with a shaking hand, as if to reassure herself that it was real and wouldn’t jump start to life on its own and bite her hand off.

“Nah, not for riding around the farm. Trust me. I would’na let anything bad happen to ye.”

Claire looked between the bike and Jamie several times before she seemed to nod to herself and squared her shoulders bravely.

“Alright then.”

Jamie kicked the bike to life and he saw Claire flinch at the roaring sound.

“I promise ye- I will’na let harm come to ye,” he repeated, raising his voice over the rumbling of the bike.

Claire seemed to huff out a sigh before she gripped his shoulder tightly and swung her leg over the bike, sliding forward until she was pressed against him. He could feel the tension in her arms as she looped them around his middle and clung to him.

“And when you’re not there?” She asked with her breath on his neck as he fought not to shiver at the sensation.  

Rather than give a response he released the clutch slowly, applied a little pressure on the accelerator and they were off with a high pitched squeal from Claire.

—

If Jamie had thought that seeing Claire apply lotion to her skin was enough to give him a hard-on it was nothing- absolutely nothing - in comparison to the feeling of her arms around him and her body pressed up against his back, vibrating with the bike. He didn’t go fast, or at least, he tried not to go fast. It usually took him a few minutes on the bike to get to the back paddock with the horses, but with Claire almost squeezing the breath out of him at every bump it took much longer. He didn’t mind. Every second spent with her body pressed against him, her breath on his neck, was a memory that would be burned into his brain forever.

She squealed (in delight or fear, he didn’t know) as they went over a small mound, the wind whipping through both of their hair. She laughed as he rounded the corner and she lent the complete opposite way, trying to counter the tilt and it took a little wobble for him to right themselves.

As they arrived at the back paddock fence two of the horses came trotting over at the sound of the bike. The sound of the bike meant one thing - food.

Jamie shut off the bike and Claire stayed holding onto him.

“Err, Sassenach,” Jamie cleared his throat. “Ye can let go of me now, we’re here.”

Claire scrambled off the bike (off Jamie) and stumbled slightly as she tried to stand.

“Are ye alright?” He asked as he stood the bike up.

Her hair was well and truly windswept, curls flying in every direction, her cheeks were pink with excitement and her smile was positively luminous.

“That was wonderful!” She said happily before she cautiously made her way to the fence between her and the two large horses.

“Aye, we can go faster on the way back if ye like,” Jamie offered, turning back to grab the bag of grain that was hanging off the front.

Claire beamed at him before taking another tentative step toward the horses.

“This is Molly and Shelby,” Jamie introduced as he pulled out a handful of pellets and offered it to the horses. “Molly has been wi’ us for about five years, Shelby we got last winter from a rescue shelter. She used to be real skittish around people but now she canna get enough. Can ye Shel?” Jamie patted the chestnut neck of Shelby while Molly sniffed around for more food.

“How many horses do you have?” Claire asked, standing slightly behind Jamie.

“Seven at the moment, but we’re just housing two of them for the shelter- Manny and Marcus. Shelby, Molly, Thistle, Percy and Donas are ours.”

“Donas?” Claire repeated looking thoughtful. “He’s the demon horse?”

Jamie grinned back at her. “Aye, tryin’ to train him at the moment. He could be great, he just needs a bit o’ discipline. It’s good to have him around the other horses. Someone must’ha done a number on him. Nearly took my arm off the first time I tried to pat him. He was all skin and bones then.”

“Do you rescue a lot of horses?” Claire asked as she bravely took a step towards Molly who immediately started searching for treats on Claire with great huffs from her nostrils.

“No’ a lot. We like to help out where we can. Da says he’d like to start trainin’ up horses to sell, but I think he gets too attached to let them go once they are. Thistle and Percy were Ma’s, they’re gettin’ on a bit now but I dinna think Da can bear putting’ them down. Still probably got a few more years in them yet.”

A screeching neigh came from across the field and a black blur started galloping towards them.

“That’ll be Donas,” Jamie sighed as blur picked up speed, heading toward them.

“He will stop, won’t he?” Claire asked nervously as Donas moved with no intent of slowing down.

“Aye, he just wants to show off.”

Donas did eventually stop after emitting a high pitched squeal from Claire as he ran directly at the fence before turning briskly and running a few laps back and forth. Molly and Shelby, to their credit, hardly flinched as he ran past them, snorting at them and throwing in a few bucks, trying to spook them. Claire had taken a few scrambling steps back from the fence and was somewhat hidden behind Jamie when Donas finally stopped.

“He seems very…” Claire paused as she thought over the word.

“Insane?” Jamie suggested as Donas stopped in front of him and started nuzzling Shelby and Molly out of the way.

“Spirited,” Claire laughed as Jamie held out some grains for Donas, who gobbled them up greedily.

“Aye, that’s certainly one way of looking at it,” Jamie agreed as he slapped Donas’s neck heavily.

“Where are the other horses?” Claire inched closer back to the fence, away from Donas, but closer to Molly.

“Probably right down the back. They won’t come up to the fence till around sunset. The rescue horses did’na have much space to run around, so they spend most of the time just stretching their legs, ‘cause they can. Percy and Thistle like to keep an eye on ‘em.”

“So, I assume you’ve been riding all your life?”

“Aye, since I could sit up straight. Used to sit in front of my Da and he’d ride us around the property. I thought I was so important, ridin’ round, checking on the farm. It seemed a lot more fun as a kid, but when ye can actually help out, everything becomes a chore. What about ye? Have ye ridden before?” Jamie pulled his hand away from Donas quickly as Claire gasped. The horse had gone for a wee nip when he realised that Jamie wasn’t offering any more food. “It’s fine,” Jamie shook off the question before Claire could ask it. “Ye learn to read the horses, and especially this beast. I ken well enough when he’s about to turn on me. So, riding?” He asked again.

“I err, once, a long time ago, with my parents. I was shockingly awful at it and have refused to get back onto another horse since,” Claire answered before tentatively reaching out and stroking Molly’s nose.

“Ye did’na like it?” Jamie asked in surprise, though his brain was spinning with the first time that Claire had voluntarily spoken about her parents.

“I didn’t feel like I was in control,” Claire answered shortly with a shrug.

“Aye, ye dinna like things being out of yer control. Ye’ve said,” Jamie nodded sagely as Molly huffed and Claire’s hands snapped back away from the horse.

“I was only seven at the time,” Claire defended. “If the horse wanted to kick me off, there wasn’t a lot I could do about it, except fly through the air and land.”

“Did it kick ye off?” Jamie asked with a smirk. There was something wildly entertaining about seeing Claire self-righteously angry.

“No, but it could have.”

“When yer riding a horse, ye need to show that ye are in control. That’s why I’m havin’ problems with Donas. He keeps thinkin’ that he’s the one that’s callin’ the shots, but he is’na. I’m the one tha’ put the saddle on him. I’m the one that can take it back off.”

“I was seven,” Claire repeated. “How’s a seven year old, that’s never ridden a horse before, know how to control it!” She exclaimed in exasperation as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Confidence. Fake it till ye make it, ken?” Jamie answered her rhetorical question happily. “I’ve been ridin’ by myself since I was four, trainin’ properly on them since I was six. It’s always been the same. If I believe I can do it, so does the horse. If I have doubts, so do they.”

Claire huffed and rolled her eyes at him.

“I’m serious. It’s why I’ve fallen off Donas so many times. If I doubt myself and what I’m doin’ with him, he’ll boot me as soon as he can. But I just have to pick maself back up and try again, he canna know that he got the best of me.”

Claire reached out to stroke Molly’s nose again and Molly huffed once more. This time Claire didn’t withdraw her hand.

“Bloody intelligent beasts,” Jamie continued as he rubbed Thistle’s neck (Donas having realised that there was no more food had wandered away to eat some grass at the edge of the fence). “And they’re loyal- trusting, once ye show them that ye can be too.”

“Are you?” Claire asked and Jamie saw her swallow heavily.

“Am I what? Loyal?” Jamie asked, turning away from her to look at Thistle. The conversation had taken a much deeper tone than Jamie was expecting and he felt that he shouldn’t look at Claire just now. Rather he should direct his attention to the horses in front of them, as if he was talking to Thistle rather than Claire.

“Can I trust you?” Claire asked softly and it took most of his willpower not to look over at her and read her thoughts from her face.

“Aye, Sassenach. I’d like to think so.”

--

Claire was quiet as they walked around the property. She stopped occasionally to study a plant, making small humming sounds as she thought things over before following Jamie again. It reminded him of when he had first taken her to the town and she had packed her bag full of various weeds on the way, wanting to study them again later. She seemed to be thinking over something carefully but wasn’t quite ready to talk about it. Jamie was more than happy just to be in her company and watch her as her eyes lit up over the wildflowers.

“How’s your paper route going?” She asked suddenly, appearing by his side as he leant against a tree, waiting for her to catch up.

“It’s fine. Keeps me busy, puts a little extra money in my pocket,” Jamie answered, pushing away from the tree. Claire had stopped to look at some mushrooms at the base and he paused waiting for her.

“Did your father want you to get a job, or did you want it?” She asked. Her hands had stilled over the plant, as if she wanted to look busy, but she was waiting on his response.

“Nah, he worried that I wouldn’a get my chores done as well as the route. But I wanted the extra money, and it does’na take long.”

“Why don’t you use the motorbike? Wouldn’t it be quicker?”

“Aye, it would, but it’s a farm bike. I’m not licenced to drive it on roads, strictly speaking.”

It didn’t look like Claire was going to move from the base of the tree, and as she looked back at him curiously, Jamie made up his mind to simply plant himself next to her and just ask her what she was thinking about.

As he plopped himself down and started pulling up chunks of grass, she sat down properly to face him. Though it seemed that he didn’t need to ask her what was on her mind because as soon as she made herself comfortable, words started streaming out of her.

“My parents never wanted me to get a job while at school. They said that studying is the most important thing and that they would worry about the money. Lamb says the same thing, but I don’t even know where I could even get a job in this town. I could run a competing paper route, I suppose, but I don’t think that your Uncle would be too thrilled about that?”

“Murtagh is’na my uncle,” Jamie inputted when Claire paused to take a breath. “He’s my godfather.”

“Lamb is mine. My godfather I mean. He’s also my uncle, but he’s my godfather. That’s why I’m with him now. Would you and Jenny go to Murtagh if something happened to your Father?”

Jamie shook his head, “No, Jen’s old enough to take care of the both of us now. Maybe a few years ago we would have, but no, not now.”

“I didn’t really see much of Lamb until I turned four-no-fifteen. He was always away. He decided that he was going to write a book so he came back to settle in Oxford with us. He hasn’t written the book yet, but I’ve seen a few drafts. It’s not bad.”

Claire was pulling individual blades of grass from the ground and wasn’t meeting Jamie’s eyes. Was this when he was finally going to find out where her parents were? He always wondered, but he didn’t want to push it- especially if something terrible had happened to them. He was about to ask when Claire continued.

“Moving here, to Scotland… it was supposed to be a fresh start… for both of us. He could start writing his book again and I… and I…” Jamie heard Claire’s voice thicken and he glanced up at her to see that there were tears brimming in her eyes.

“Claire,” Jamie said softly, dropping his handful of grass and taking her smaller, delicate hand in his own. “Yer safe wi’ me. Ye dinna need to tell me anythin’ ye dinna want to.”

Claire nodded, biting her lip before shaking her head, as if to shake away the tears. She didn’t let go of his hand.

“The psych- the doctors said that it would get better, that it would get easier. But… I’m so terrified that the moment that it starts getting easier- that I’ll start to forget them.”

“Tell me about them,” Jamie prompted. He surmised that her parents were no longer around, that much was clear, but the way that Claire was talking made Jamie wonder how long they had been gone.

“My mum,” Claire paused to sniff and her grip on Jamie’s hand increased for a moment, “she loves… she loved to laugh, and she has this… this ridiculous laugh that you can’t help but laugh along with her. She snorts a lot, which always makes me laugh more. She’s kind- to everyone- loves animals. It was her idea to take me horse riding. She’s smart, really smart and I’m worried that I’m not going to be as smart as she is- as she wants me to be. Julia. Her name is… was Julia.” Claire took a few moments to swallow and catch her breath before she continued.

“Dad was strict when I was a child. I don’t have a lot of memories of us together, but mum always told me that it was because he was working so hard for us. It wasn’t until I turned eight or nine that I really started understanding my dad. The first time he laughed in front of me, I couldn’t even join in. I was so amazed that he was laughing at something.” Claire sniffed and Jamie nodded along, though she wasn’t looking at him.

“He started… it was like he started to enjoy life and he finally let me see it. He’s stubborn, Lamb says that I get that from him. He expects great things from me, like the piano, school, everything and I don’t want to let him down. Though, I guess I can’t really do that now. Not much left to let down.”

Jamie cleared his throat quietly. “What happened to them?”

Claire shook her head as she bit her lip.

“Ye dinna have to say if ye dinna want to,” Jamie offered quickly. “We can talk about something else.”

“It’s fine. It’s just… They’re dead. People say pass away, but they didn’t pass anywhere. They died.” Claire’s voice shifted and was unnervingly devoid of emotions. It reminded him of how Jenny spoke about their mother sometimes.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie said softly, she was still gripping his hand tightly and Jamie found he couldn’t have let go of her even if he wanted.

“People always say that they are sorry, and… I don’t know, it just feels weird, doesn’t it?”

“I always thought that, at my mam’s funeral. All these people sayin’ “sorry for yer loss” and I remember thinkin’ ‘why are ye apologising? Ye didn’t kill her.’”

Claire laughed quickly and unexpectedly at that, a short, sharp shout that had her grinning and nodding at him. “I used to think the same thing. I think people just need something to say, so they say sorry.”

“Yer probably right.”

They both settled into their own thoughts for a moment, listening to the trees rustle in the wind, birds fluttering from tree to tree, calling out to each other, insects buzzing through the longer grass.

“Mum died first,” Claire said suddenly. “She was at work and collapsed. They thought she’d just fainted… but she had a brain aneurysm. It was so sudden and no one… there were no signs. Dad… Dad was home with me, when he got the call that she was on life support. He left me at home to go, said that he would call me when he got an update. He didn’t make it to the hospital. He pulled out of our street and… and he got hit, drivers side door. No drunk driver. Nothing. Just pulling out onto the street, just unlucky. I didn’t even know until the police sirens.” Claire sniffed and tears started to run steadily down her cheeks. “Both, in one night, separate accidents. What are the chances of that?”

“Claire,” Jamie gasped, “I’m so sorry.”

“The police came to the house to tell my mum that dad was in an accident. Instead they got me. I told them that it was a mistake, that my mum was in the hospital and dad was already on the way. I thought they’d just got their wires crossed. I’ll never forget when they realised what had actually happened. I could actually see the colour drain from their faces.” Claire shook her head and Jamie wished he had a packet of tissues or something to help dry her eyes. “One of them left to get on the radio and I knew that something was wrong.” Claire shook her head, as if she was trying to shake off the memory. Jamie couldn’t blame her.

“Lamb turned up the next day and I’ve been with him ever since.”

“How… how long ago?” Jamie struggled to speak around the lump in his throat.

“It will be 18 months on Wednesday.”

“Claire, I… I dinna ken what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Bad things happen all the time.” Claire tried to shrug but Jamie could see her trembling, her eyes glassy, and without thinking about it, he gathered her into his arms. It was like a dam breaking and she clung to him as she sobbed.

Jamie’s mind was racing. Both parents in one night. How could someone ever cope with that? Jamie couldn’t imagine. He could feel the tears from Claire soaking into his shirt but he couldn’t care less. He was gripping her tightly, tighter than he otherwise would have, as if holding her so close would hold her together. He could feel his own eyes welling with tears. They were sitting uncomfortably, Claire almost sitting in Jamie’s lap and his legs starting to go to sleep, but he wouldn’t have moved for anything in the world.

His mother's sickness had been long and drawn out and as much as Jamie hated himself for it, in the end he wanted her to slip away just so that she wouldn’t be in pain anymore. He had months to grieve while she was still alive. He got to say goodbye. Claire wasn’t given that luxury. It was all still so fresh to her. When she spoke about her parents, she spoke like they were still here. Jamie remembered doing that with his mother as well. It took many corrections from Jenny for him to finally switch into past tense about his mum.

Slowly Claire’s sobbing turned into shallow hiccups and then she was breathing deeply- her eyes dry. Jamie couldn’t find it in himself to let her go. They’d shared something so deeply personal, thatto let her out of his arms would feel like a tether between them, and he wasn’t ready for that.

“I dinna think ye’ll forget them,” he said softly into her hair. She was trembling. “I have’na forgotten my ma, I worry that I will, but there’s so much of her in Jen and in me that it’s impossible.” Jamie paused as a shudder ran through Claire and she sniffed. “I never met yer ma or yer da, but I daresay there’s a lot more of them in ye then ye give yerself, or them, credit for.”

Claire laughed, surprising Jamie and she slowly sat up, though she held onto his hand again. Jamie felt the separation from her immediately and wished that he could have held her for just a little while longer.

“Lamb says the same thing. I have the short temper of my father, but the same laugh as my mother.” Claire sniffed again and quickly wiped her eyes. “I look atrocious, don’t I?”

Jamie shook his head quickly. Her eyes were red and puffy, yes, but the golden flecks in her brown eyes shone brighter than he’d ever seen them. Yes, her nose was bright red and her lips puffy but he’d never wanted to kiss her more in his life.

“Ye look bonnie, Sassenach. Jus’ bonnie.”

Claire huffed out a laugh and shook her head, disagreeing with him. “You’re much too kind to me.”

“I’m just honest with ye, is all.”

Claire shook her head again, but at least she was smiling now. “Thank you. For letting me talk about that. I haven’t really… I mean, I talk to Lamb, but it was his brother, so it’s hard. But I… I needed to talk about it with someone that didn’t know them.”

“I would have liked to… know them I mean,” Jamie said truthfully.

“Me too.”

—

An easy quiet settled over the both of them as they wandered around the edge of the property. The kind of ease that can only be achieved by sharing something personal that allows you to actually be vulnerable in front of another person. Jamie felt like he understood Claire a little bit better now, though he still had a long way to go. Now he understood why she withdrew into herself and into her own thoughts.

He understood why the first day of school was particularly difficult for her. He understood why sometimes she wouldn’t want to hang out on the weekends. He finally understood what Lamb was talking about when he said that he wanted them to be careful and that she had been through a lot in the past few months. Claire had gone through more in the past year than most people faced in their lives.

Claire still stopped to look at various plants and weeds. Jamie was happy to wait for her as she plucked and picked various plants. She looked relaxed- more relaxed than he had ever seen her.

“I don’t... I don’t want the people at school to know- About my mum and dad,” she said over her shoulder as she picked a flower and smelled it. “I don’t want them to pity me or see me any different. If that’s ok.”

“Yer secrets safe wi’ me, Sassenach. I will’na say anything.”

Claire nodded in satisfaction before she was bent back down looking at other plants. She looked lighter than before, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Jamie remembered the first time he had really broken down and told someone how much he missed his mother. Murtagh had been helping with the horses and suddenly it was all too much for Jamie. There were too many memories of his mother in the stables for him to escape. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his mother’s death since they had buried her. He thought that he had to be strong for his Da and for Jenny. He thought that it meant shoving everything he was feeling deep down and getting on with things. It was a terrible idea and one random day when he was filling a bucket with more food for the horses in the stables with Murtagh was the day that Jamie fell apart.

He could just picture his mother stroking the horses necks and speaking to them softly in Gaelic. Murtagh had been brushing one of the rescue horses and suddenly Jamie was huddled on the mucky straw filled floor sobbing and struggling to breathe.

He was sure that Murtagh had been thoroughly confused. One second Jamie had been refilling the food, the next he was gone.

A panic attack- that’s what Murtagh told him it was. All Jamie knew was that he suddenly couldn’t breathe, like a stone was sitting on his chest and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. Then he was crying and when Murtagh finally located him and asked him what was wrong, Jamie could barely speak. At first he’d thought he was having a heart attack, or maybe a seizure, but Murtagh had sat patiently with him until Jamie had calmed down and could breathe normally again.

They’d spoken about his mum then; about how she loved the horses, how the house felt empty without her, how much Jamie missed her, about how guilty Jamie felt for wishing she would just pass away because he couldn’t stand to see her in so much pain and now it was his fault that she was gone. Murtagh had listened carefully, injected his own stories about Ellen Fraser, but more than anything he let Jamie sit in his grief for a moment. He didn’t try to tell him that there was nothing for Jamie to be upset about. He didn’t try to fix any of Jamie’s guilt or pain. He simply let Jamie exist and work through everything he had been pushing down for months.

Once Jamie had exhausted himself, feeling lighter than he had in months, Murtagh stood up, held out his hand for Jamie and pulled him up from the grubby floor. He clapped Jamie on the shoulder, told him that he was proud of him and then promptly went back to his chores as though nothing had happened.

From that day, Murtagh had cemented himself as a confidant to Jamie. Whenever Jamie needed to voice his worries or his anxiety, Murtagh was always there, ready to listen. He hardly ever gave advice, he mostly just listened as Jamie came to the conclusion by himself.

Jamie wondered if Claire had that with her Uncle. Could she go to him when she needed to voice her fears? Perhaps not, as it felt like she had been shouldering the weight of her parents' deaths for a long time and after finally telling Jamie what had happened, she looked much happier.

Grief shared is grief managed- or something like that.

“Are ye ready to head back?” Jamie asked as the horse's paddock came back into view.

“I suppose, if you’re ready,” Claire answered shyly. Her hands were full of various plants she had collected from around the property- meticulously extracted from the ground to keep as much of the roots intact as possible.

“Weel, ye’ll be wanting to get them in water I suppose,” Jamie indicated the plants.

“Yes, of course… I just… how…” Claire stuttered as she looked between the bike and her plants.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need both hands to hold on so that I don’t fly off the back. I just… how do I get these back?” Her forehead creased in a frown as she tried to figure out how to hold the plants and Jamie at the same time.

Jamie laughed, he couldn’t help it. It was the look on her face. A mix of disappointment and confusing thoughts. “Ye can throw them in the bag with the feed. I’m sure the horses will’na mind a bit of dirt with their food.”

An embarrassed sort of smile appeared on Claire's face as she mumbled “oh of course”.

Jamie helped her with her plants, got her situated on the back of the bike, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist once more and with another squeal from Claire, they were off.

[adsosfraser]

The Stone’s Toll Chapter Two

Read on AO3

“Mrs. Randall, ye have a visitor.” Claire stared at the nurse, curiosity plain on her face. 

 She left and softly closed the door behind her. Minutes later, Claire heard the click of the lock again and strained her neck towards the noise. 

 Graham smiled sheepishly as he shuffled into her room. He held a small bouquet of heather, thistles, and gorse wrapped in twine. 

 “Hello miss, tis lovely tae see ye again. I picked these just this afternoon on my way here. I was lucky they were all so close together.” The boy searched the room and put the flowers in the empty vase on the table to her right. “I don’t know if ye remember, but I found you up at the standing stones. Well my mam always said to watch out for the faerie hill but I was a wee bit curious ye ken. I’m glad I took a wander over because… sorry miss my mam always tells me how I go blethering on about nonsense and such so that’s just to say I hope you are feeling better miss..?” 

 “Claire Fr.. err Randall.” Claire couldn’t help the smile at the young man's youth and almost naïveté, it was a breath of fresh air compared to the ordeals of the past months.

 She reached out her hand for him to shake. 

 “It was very kind of you to come visit Graham. Thank you.” He blushed at her compliment.

 “Well I brought some cards because I ken how boring it is to be locked up in one of these rooms. And the radio is a pounding nuisance sometimes as well. Last year I stumbled on one of the fence posts I was putting up when I was helping down at auld Hamish’s. The nail went straight through the leg and I ended up here a day. Mam was absolutely furious at me, boxed my ears till they rang for weeks. My mam’s a nurse here so it’s no trouble at all that I’m here right now visiting. I guess I get special insider privileges. I come here after school to do my schoolwork and she says I’m no bother. That’s what I was just doing before I decided to pop in here Miss.”

 Claire welcomed the ramblings of Graham. It was a nice distraction to the morbid thoughts that lay festering below.

 “Well I appreciate the company. My… husband just left to prepare things for our short stay here. I’m sorry I’m rubbish at most card games, but I’ll go my hand at it.” 

 The two chatted companionably and he even managed to pry out a laugh or two from her. Claire pushed down feelings of familiarity of Fergus and the boy before her. He couldn’t have been more than a couple years older than the boy she had just left behind hours ago, with the same long-lashed dark eyes and dark hair. Tears sprung at the thought of her son and she turned out of view to wipe them away. 

 “Do you have any fours?” Graham interrupted her thoughts. 

 “Ach! It feels like I’m being cheated here.” Claire flashed a smile and pushed forward the two cards on the table between them.

 “Hello darling. It seems you’ve made a new friend.”

 Claire stiffened at her husband's entrance into the small hospital room. Graham flicked his gaze between the two of them, sensing the tension. He awkwardly picked up the game in front of them and shoved the cards into his pocket.  

 “Yes. This is Graham Munro, the one who helped me to the hospital.”

 “Thank you for bringing my wife safely back into my custody Graham. I’m sure she has lots to tell me, and would appreciate time to rest.”

 Graham cleared his throat. “Well Miss Claire, I wish ye a speedy recovery. Twas a pleasure to meet ye.” 

 “You as well Graham. Thank you for the flowers.”

 The boy reached out to squeeze Claire’s hand and smiled warmly. He turned on his heel and raced out to the corridor. 

 Moments later, Frank shoved the table to the side and knelt by his wife’s side. He reached out to hold the hands that rested on her lap. Claire flinched at his touch once again and Frank furrowed his brow. Frank felt a squeeze in his hand and smiled up at her. She put on a strained smile as she stared down at him. He finally noticed the silver that encircled her right ring finger and made to take it off. She pulled her hand violently from his grasp and guarded the jewellry to her chest. He pushed off the reaction to the shock the doctor had described. He just needed to be patient. 

 “Darling, everything is prepared at the manse for our arrival. You’ll rest here tonight, recover, heal, and then I’ll bring you over in the morning. I left your suitcase there and I’m sure you’ll have enough to get you through our stay.” He walked over to a chair near the window while he spoke and placed her stays in his hands. 

 “Alright.” Her gaze was transfixed on her fingers in her lap. 

 “This is… remarkable Claire, where on earth did you find these?” 

 “Hmph.” Claire offered as a reply, almost mimicking the Scottish noise her husband always made.

 “Right I’m to leave with Reverend Wakefield to visit over some archives again. You’ll be in good hands here for now.” 

 A nurse wheeled in a cart and instructed Claire to rest. She gathered the sterile bandages from the metal tray and pulled back the cover of Claire’s hospital gown to display the burns flicking across the cream skin of her stomach. She winced as the nurse applied the salve against her sore skin so she took pity on her poor patient. The nurse pushed a syringe into her IV line and Claire’s limbs instantly relaxed. Her head filled with cotton and she wasn’t able to hold it up herself, until she let go of the tension within herself and slumped down on the stiff mattress. 

 It was cold and she was only in her shift, a white shawl draped across her shoulders. Piles of men dotted the ground and a bunny twitched its nose at her before sprinting away. There, underneath the corpse of his enemy, lay her husband. His body was covered in blood and crusted with dirt and deep scratches marked his body: the result of war. 

 “Are you alive?” She stretched her hand out towards his cheek.  

 Her hand cupped his stumbled jaw and his skin blazed against hers. The fever shook his body and sapped his energy. What little he had left was spent twisting his neck in her direction. A light dusting of snow covered the bloody grass of the moor. All too soon, she was pulled away and the sight of him faded from her grasp. 

***

The hours passed and the logs burned to small sticks, Frank replacing them every so often with new wood. He turned towards the table that held a half-empty glass, plying himself more and more with alcohol as the glass drowned in the weight of the drink. Claire worked tirelessly the precious few days where her husband hadn’t yet pressed her for an explanation, flipping through all available resources to find any trace of Jamie. Mrs. Graham had been a wonder in helping Claire but her attitude regardless would not have changed anything. The search was futile and failed to bring what she wanted. She couldn’t look for the family that was alive that she had left behind. The sacrifice and promise she made meant nothing with the outcome that soon became her every thought. She abandoned them all for a thought of a future, not even a live, breathing one.

 She spoke of her time with Jamie, reluctantly giving only the necessary pieces of her life, an outline that she would be able to view events from outside. She stepped out of her life and watched herself ramble on, an outsider and onlooker to a tragic event. That wasn’t her, those things couldn’t have happened to her. Claire finished her final thoughts in a daze, looking anywhere but Frank. 

 “Give me-excuse me please Claire I need some time to think this over.”

 Claire poured another glass for herself and slammed the burning liquid back along with a large pill from the hospital.

 Frank returned a few hours later, having thought in great depth. Claire’s thoughts were muddled. She couldn’t remember how many glasses she had.

 “Claire I can accept that you’ve had this… relationship with this man. I will never understand your feelings for him, but I can accept that you had this experience, and that leaving him broke your heart.” 

 “I don’t think you understand. I was with a man for two years, and I loved him deeply as his wife.” 

 “A point you’ve made several times and which I’ve said I understand. Now let me tell you this. I love you Claire, unconditionally, nothing you could do could stop my loving you.” 

 “Darling I’ve been offered a position at Harvard. I was thinking we could move to Boston together. Start over. Leave all...this behind.”

 She didn’t care. He was dead. She might as well have been too. Frank could do as he bloody well pleased. Her mind focused on the patterns of the carpet below her, forcing out any other thoughts. Her finger swirled in spirals in one spot on her thigh, mimicking what she saw.

 “Alright. ” 

 That was the first time Claire had looked into his eyes since her disappearance. His brown eyes were soft and crinkled in an attempt towards a smile to his wife. She couldn’t find the malice she desperately searched for. She needed the anger, the sharp coldness. It was too much. Frank kneeled at Claire’s feet and he reached to pull her down into his embrace. He brought her down to his chest. She stiffened. 

 “Claire, you've made me so happy. I know we’ll be happy. Together.” 

 “T-together? You mean for me to come along?” 

 “Of course, darling. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

 Claire only nodded in response. She knew she’d never be happy with Frank anymore, or anyone for that matter. She didn’t intend to live long, but what option did she have to resist a husband? Frank kissed her curls and pulled her head to his shoulder. He sniffled and pulled back, placing both hands gently on her face. 

 “But we must put the past behind us. You must promise me. No more searching for him. Let him go.”

 “Yes. That’s what he made me promise.” She was reminded of another promise she had broken and another pang stabbed her already distressed heart.

[talpup]

Summary: Yami Sukehiro just wanted to join the Magic Knights and make his mentor proud.  He knew there would be trails.  He knew trouble would come his way.  Knew he would be faced with discrimination for being a foreigner and a peasant.  What he didn’t know.  Didn’t expect.  Was that literal Chaos would come his way.  That he and his mentor’s sister would be at the center of world ending trouble.  Or that he would fall in love with his mentor’s sister and face more than discrimination; but the jealously of Nozel Silva who loved the same woman he did.

Please remember this fic is rated mature and has warnings of violence, abuse, sexual tension, eventual sexual behavior, and other possible triggers.  For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

Chapter 74

Teris awoke to one of the loudest claps of thunder she had ever heard. Sitting up in bed, hand to her racing heart, she looked out the window expecting to see darkened skies.  Instead everything was calm and sunny.  Quickly getting dressed, she headed downstairs.  Yami and Tobin had been out on another mission when she had returned to base shortly before lights out last night.  But Venice had told her the two were expected back sometime today.

Before heading to the dining hall, Teris poked her head outside the front entrance, looking again at the skies.  Finding that direction clear and unclouded as well, she shrugged pulling her head back in and closed the door.  Turning she jumped, startled by Iban’s presence.

“Damn it, Iban!  You need to wear a bell or something.”  Teris cursed, stepping around him.

Iban watched her, impressed at how quickly her system had recovered from the surprise.  Her hammering heart already almost returned to normal in its rhythm.  Opening the door he exited without word, fully believing Yami when the man said he would harm him if he didn’t keep his distance from Teris.

Shaking off the weird encounter, Teris headed to the dining hall.

“I swore I heard thunder.”  Teris commented as she served.

“You did.  And you can expect much more of it.”  Olsen said.

Teris sat down at the table.  “The skies to the north and south were clear.”

“The Vice Captain's are practicing.”  Olsen explained.

“For?” Teris asked, looking to him.

“Seems there’s to be a changing of the guard for the Purple Orcas.” Olsen said.

Teris’ brows rose at that.  “Heath is leaving?”

“What’s this?”  Bran asked, eyes clearing as he looked up.

“Whenever a Captain retires the Captains and Vice Captain's battle it out in a set of two challenges.”  Olsen explained.  “It’s a sort of going away fun time celebration, preparedness, and hazing all rolled into one.  The first battle in which four of the nine Captain's go against all of the Vice Captain's is timed.  The second isn’t timed, and usually ends up being Captain against their own Vice Captain as all the Captain's participate.  While the first battle the Vice Captain's have to subdue a Captain before time runs out the second challenge is left to a win, call, or draw for each of the Vice Captain's.”  Olsen grinned.  “Most of the Vice Captain's end up calling or drawing but if the Vice Captain meant to be taking over the squad doesn’t come out with a win or a draw--”

“They don’t become Captain?”  Bran asked.

“No.” Olsen said.  “They’ll still become Captain.  Usually.  But it will likely be hard going for them.  Especially among the other Captain's.”

“I don’t know much about Whilf.  Do you?”  Teris asked Olsen, wondering what kind of Captain the Purple Orcas Vice Captain would make.

“You’re the one with a friend in the Purple Orcas.  I was hoping you could tell me.”  Olsen said.

Teris shrugged.  “Zara hasn’t mentioned him.  Then again, he never mentioned Heath leaving.  And I just saw him at the Decoration Ceremony a couple days ago.”

“How was that by the way?”  Olsen asked.  “Nozel loving it as much as you hated it?  Everyone bowing and scraping before him.”

“I didn’t hate it.”  Teris said.

“You finally turning into a proper royal on us?”  Olsen teased.

“No.” Teris huffed.  “But thanks to a friend I got a new outlook on that sort of stuff.  As for Nozel.  I don’t think he enjoyed any of it. Not personally at least.  He didn’t want to be an acting Captain in the first place.  His Majesty set him with a task and though I’m sure he was pleased and proud to have achieved it after a fashion, I don’t think he thought he deserved the Golden Clover Medal of Honor.”

“I never would have expected that.”  Olsen said.

“I didn’t either.  It—he surprised me.  In more ways than one.” Teris smiled at the memory of yesterday.

Olsen's eyes narrowed.  “What’s this?  With your face.”

“I can smile.”

“You certainly can and often do.”  Olsen agreed.  “But never when you’re speaking about Nozel Silva.”

“He surprised me with a really pleasant birthday gift yesterday is all.” Teris said, unable to stop smiling despite her efforts.

“I hope you didn’t let on how much you liked it.”  Olsen said, feeling protective of her on Yami’s behalf.

“Stop it.”  Teris snipped.  “All of that has been made painfully and uncomfortably clear on both our parts.  Nozel and I have moved past his feelings.”

Olsen gave her a dubious look.  “Has he really?”

“We can still be friends.”  Teris said.  “Our friendship is more important than any hurt feelings he may have about Yami and I being together.”

“Especially when he thinks you are going to do as you’re told and marry him.” Olsen put in.

“Stop it.”  Teris got up leaving her plate untouched.  “I’m not talking to you about this.  Where is everyone anyway?”

“Out at the training field watching the show of course.”  Olsen answered watching her.  He may have over stepped his bounds a bit.  But with no one else here to remind her what guys were really like he had felt it his responsibility for both her and Yami’s sake.

74.2

Fuegoleon and Randall stood together watching their Vice Captain.

Quince pointed at the royal Vermillion.  “No telling your sister of our plans.”

“Of course not.”  Fuegoleon called back, grinning.  “You’ll need all the help you can get to best a team that has Mereoleona Vermillion on it.”

Bronn rolled his eyes.  “I’ll subdue that Lioness quicker than her mouth can shoot off.”

“Oui!” Quince snapped.  “That’s my Captain you’re talking about.”

“Remember your loyalties here.”  Bronn snapped back.  “Stupid Crimson Lions.  Next thing you know Quince will go apologizing we’ve knocked the Lioness on her ass and turn on us, trying to back her up.”

“I’m more worried about Julius.”  Kess, Vice Captain of the Silver Eagles, said.  She cast Julius’ Vice Captain a look, blushing slightly when Jon’s dark eyes met hers.

“I think everyone’s worried about Julius.”  Bronn said.

Jaynee, Vice Captain of the Blue Rose and Captain Jamie’s sister, began arguing with Tryn, Jamie’s Vice Captain.

Bronn sighed and shook his head.  “What we should be worrying about is if we’ll kill each other before we even make it to the day of the challenge.”

Teris came up beside Venice who was standing in the front row of the spectators circle.  “I had wondered if you had been put on another mission.”

“Thankfully things are beginning to calm.  Though I doubt we’re at the point of slacking off and letting you and Yami handle it all for us again.” Venice teased.

“Good luck with that once Bronn retires and we become Vice Captains.” Teris warned, playfully.

“I don’t know if it’s because the Vice Captain's are practicing on our sparring field and he feels responsible or what, but he’s pretty much been the one keeping them from imploding.”  Venice remarked, watching the Vice Captain’s.

“Who? Bronn?”  Teris asked in disbelief.

Venice nodded.  She glanced at Teris.  “I was kind of afraid to ask last night.  But how was your birthday?  Not one of the worst to date I hope.”

“One of the best, if not the best, to date.  At least I would hope.” Fuegoleon smiled, joining them.

Teris looked at the Crimson Lion, returning his smile.  “Leon’s right.” She told Venice.  “Yesterday was actually pretty great.”

“Pretty great?  You had a grin the entire time that I don’t think the healers would’ve been able to remove.”  Fuegoleon said, glad Nozel had come up with the idea and had convinced Lord Silva into allowing the excursion.

Venice looked at the two royals.  Happy as she was that her friend had had a good birthday, she wasn’t overly pleased the good time had been while in the company of Nozel Silva.  Fuegoleon, she didn’t mind so much.  The Vermillion wasn’t all that bad once you got to know him. Nozel on the other hand.  The Silva was the type of person Venice would’ve hated even if he had no connection to Teris.

“Why? What happened?”  Venice questioned.

Looking back at her friend, Teris told.  “There’s a water, ice, and sand sculpture contest in Racine every year.  I’ve always wanted to go, but it’s held October first through the third.  So I’ve never been able to.  Nozel somehow convinced his father to forgo the usual itinerary for my birthday and allow us to attend.”

“It was a simple matter really.”  Nozel said, joining from behind, having just arrived to view the spectacle that was all the Vice Captain’s training together.  “With all the royal fanfare the day before your birthday it was easy enough to convince him.”  He smiled at Teris.  “I’m glad you enjoyed your day.  After seeing you that happy I was disappointed I hadn’t thought to try and convince my father sooner.”

Fuegoleon fought against rolling his eyes.  As glad as he was Teris was so grateful and pleased with Nozel for his efforts, he couldn’t help but think Nozel was pressing the matter a bit over much.  At least Teris didn’t suspect anything.  The surprise event in Racine apparently enough to either explain away or make her forget about Nozel overreacting and dragging her into a private room.

Teris smiled at Nozel.  As much as she wanted to forget about his affection for her and preferred to think that Nozel had already moved on, she was always mindful with her ways and words around him just in case. “Thanks again.”  She glanced at the Vice Captain's.  “I wonder if Quince’s compass magic could somehow negate, or at least redirect, Julius’ time magic.”

“What was that Black Sheep?”  Bronn asked from several paces away.

“Yet when you’re standing right beside me and I directly ask you something you don’t hear.”  Teris complained to her Vice Captain.

“I hear what I want when I want.  Deal.  Now get over here.”  Bronn ordered.

“What are you doing?”  Jaynee asked.

Bronn gestured to Teris.  “She has an idea how to combat Julius.  Unlike Jon who’s either too dumb or too loyal to give away his Captain’s weaknesses.”

Teris shook her head.  “No I don’t.”

Bronn snapped his fingers at her and pointed to the ground in front of him.

“What does some girl know that we don’t?”  Whilf asked.

Bronn shook his head in disappointed disgust.  “And they’re thinking of making you a Captain?  Well this one’s gonna be a Vice Captain soon enough.”  He gestured to Teris.  Looking over his shoulder, he told his follow Vice Captain's.  “Oh, and in case anyone wasn’t aware. It takes two to replace me.”

Quince and Jon chuckled.

“Step to it Black Sheep.  We don’t got all day.”  Bronn said.

“Actually, we do.”  Kess said.

“Not to wait on her.”  Bronn snapped.

Wishing she could disappear, Teris stood in front of Bronn on the Black Bulls training field.  Everyone, from the Vice Captain's to the spectators were watching her.

Bronn crossed his arms and looked down at her.  “Now, how do we beat that pesky brother of yours again?”

74.3

Yami and Tobin both hated flying by broom.  So with their mission completed they decided to walk.  It meant they’d get back to base by late evening instead of early morning but Tobin hadn’t much cared.  What somewhat bugged him was Yami hadn’t seemed to care either.

They had just passed the small village of Rimrock and were turning onto the smaller dirt road that led to the Black Bulls base when Tobin finally got the nerve to ask.  “Everything alright with you and Teris?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”  Yami tossed back.

“Don’t know.  Just don’t see why you chose not to fly when Teris was suppose to get back last night and is probably waiting to see you.” Tobin said.

“Cause I hate to fly by broom.”  Yami said.

“So no other reason then?”  Tobin asked, looking at his friend.

“No. Now get out of my face.”  Yami rumbled, giving Tobin a shoved creating more space between them as they walked.

“I was just concerned was all.”  Tobin said, righting his steps.

“Things are fine.”  Yami assured.  “We just need to slow things down a bit.”

At that Tobin gave a hearty laugh.  Turning serious, he told.  “You’re lucky.”

Yami’s eyes slid back to his friend.  “Why’s that?”

“Teris is still shy and innocent.  Venice is far from that.  That woman will toy with me.  Get me riled up just enough.”

“You two haven’t...”  Yami left the rest unsaid simply because he wouldn’t like Tobin asking so directly.

Tobin shook his head.  “Not for lack of trying on my part.  She wants to wait a bit.  Though who knows why or how long.  It’s not like with you and Teris.  Venice is no blushing virgin wanting to wait till marriage.”

Yami raised a censuring brow.  “And because of that you figured she would just accept?”

“No! Not at all.  Still, I didn’t think she’d make me wait this long or tease and tempt me as she does.”

“You do realize who you’re with, right?”  Yami questioned,  Even he knew Teris’ friend well enough to know Venice was the type to toy and tease.

“Yeah, yeah.”  Tobin tried to shove Yami.

Yami halted a step, easily dodging the attempt.

“I know the way she is.”  Tobin went on.  “It’s my own damn fault for loving her.  All I’m saying, is as difficult as you think you have it you don’t know difficult.  Not with that stuff.  Be grateful for your girls innocence and don’t do anything to take it from her too soon.  Especially if you’re planning on waiting till you wed.”

“Don’t give unasked advice.”  Yami grumbled, humored temper turning.  He didn’t mind when he was the topic of so called guy talk; but once Teris was brought into it, it was a completely different matter.

There was a concussive boom from ahead, followed by a rain of soil.  Yami was meters ahead before Tobin began following.  As Yami got closer he heard voices.  A lot of voices.  But it didn’t sound like fighting. He had been a part of enough battles to know what those sounded like.  Also, the many Ki’s he sensed weren’t the same as what would come from a mass battle.  Yami slowed.

Tobin reached him.  “What?”

“It’s not an attack.”  Yami said.

“Then--”

Another boom sounded.

“The training field.”  Yami said, tracking the sound.

“This late?”  Tobin questioned.  It was then that he heard the crowd.

The two made their way up the path and came across a group of excited Magic Knights walking away from the training yard.

Recognizing one of the Magic Knights, Tobin called.  “Oui.  Dmitri.  What’s going on?”

“The Vice Captain's training has turned into an open challenge.”  The Coral Peacock answered.

Yami and Tobin looked at each other wondering what they had missed in the two days they’d been gone.

Entering the training field that was still overly large from the combination of Yami and Teris’ magic three years ago, Tobin looked around in amazement.  The area had a festival-like atmosphere.  There were people from the village selling food and drink.  Tobin noted Yami moving to one such person and buying an ale.

“What?” Yami asked, seeing Tobin looking at him.  “I’m thirsty.”

Tobin shook his head and went to find Venice.

Yami sniffed and followed his nose, buying something to eat as well. Sensing Teris’ mana Yami knew exactly where she was in the field but decided to let her come to him rather than seek her out.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her.  After three days away from her, he was chopping at the bit to see and hold her.  But in leaving Teris falling over and wanting in an effort to heighten her desire and make her comfortable after what happened in the Diamond Kingdom, Yami had discovered just how much he enjoyed being pursued by her.  Though he hadn’t told Tobin as much, that was why he had been fine walking home.  To leave Teris wanting and waiting.  To heighten her desire and excitement of seeing him.

Yami stepped up to watch the fight and found himself standing beside William Vangeance.

“I’ve always wanted to see the Azure Deers Vice Captain go up against Lady Neyres.”  William said.  “Dragon and Wolf.  Fire and ice.  It’s almost as opposite yet similar as your and Teris’ dark and light magic.”

“Hardly.” Yami said, taking in the combatants.  He figured Venice’s ex could easily best the Silver Eagle girl due to his greater experience and power.  Not to mention that Jon had Julius as a Captain.  As kind as Julius was, he was an exacting teacher, as both he and William could attest.

Looking around the ring of spectators, Yami saw someone with Fuegoleon and Randall.  The Purple Orca appeared older than the Crimson Lions but the three seemed friendly enough.

Pointing the man out, Yami asked.  “Who’s that?”

“That’s Lord Julius and Lady Teris’ Purple Orcas friend.”  William told.

Yami looked the man over with a bit more interest.  “Don’t know him.”

“Apparently Zara Ideale managed to make three more high ranking friends while teamed together on their mission during the Nine Day War.”  William said, watching the trio across the field.

“That’s the fourth member of the Ball of Pride’s squad?”  Yami said more to himself.  The Purple Orca certainly wasn’t a royal or noble. Which peaked his interest all the more.  Sensing Teris behind him, Yami smiled.  “Hello, Ikigai.  Took you long enough.”

Teris didn’t need to see Yami’s face she know he was smiling.  Four days might not have been long; but when it came to not seeing Yami, it felt like forever.  Her eyes hungerly raked over his muscular back.  Taking in his thick thighs and fine ass.  It was a struggle not to touch him but the bustling crowd and Julius’ rules about open affection rang in her ears, staying her hand.

“I told you if you’re not going to tell me what that word means to stop call me it.”  Teris lightly scolded.  When Yami didn’t turn, her small smile faded.  “I would’ve thought you’d find me to tell me you’re back.”

“Wanted to see how long it took you to sense and come find me.”  Yami teased, eyes on the match even though every other sense was focused on her.

So that’s how he was playing it, Teris thought.  Well two could play at that game.  She turned to leave.  Yami dropped his food and turned.  Reaching out, he grabbed her wrist.  He managed to stop short of pulling her to him, feeling several eyes watching them.

Growling, he slowly let go of her wrist.  Mana, he hated that he couldn’t openly do as he wanted with her.  But with Lord Silva sending another gang to try and kill him Jax had thrown his full support behind Julius’ decreed.  The two Captain's adamant about his and Teris’ so called public appearance.  As much as Yami hated it, he had to admit they had a point.  Even if he didn’t see what good it would do now.  It all seemed a little too late to him.  He couldn’t see how Nathyn Silva would stop sending hired gangs and forget about him simply because he wasn’t physically affectionate with Teris where someone might see and word get back to him.

“Stay. Please.”  Yami said, trusting his eyes to get across the message of how much he missed, and wanted to hold and kiss her.

William smirked, watching the scene out of the corner of his eye.  Asking her about the Summer Solstice, an all too familiar voice echoed in his head.  Not now, William thought back.

Teris looked Yami over, tamping down the urge to grasp him and pull him down for a kiss.  Eyes shifting away from him, she cleared her throat.  “You dropped your food.”  Looking over her shoulder she gestured to a passing girl.

“Yes, Miss?”  The girl asked, bounding up to her.

Teris pointed at the food on the ground.  “Three more like those and a mead, please.”  She handed the girl a silver coin.

The girls eyes lit up.  “Right away, Miss.”

Teris smiled after the child.

“You’re too generous.”  Yami told, having seen the glint of silver in the torchlight.

“How was your mission?”  Teris asked.

Yami took a quaff of his drink thinking he should’ve added an ale to Teris’ order, or possibly two.  The coin she’d given the girl would've covered it and more.

“Went well enough.”  Yami answered.  He looked her over and grinned. “Good to be back.  Even better having you back where you belong.”

Teris smiled shyly.

“Here she is.”  The girl said, returning with a boy of maybe seventeen who carried the drink and one of the orders of food.

The boys eyes widened at the sight of Teris.  To the girl he whispered in a hiss.  “That’s Lady Nova.”

“She’s nice.”  The girl said, cheerily.

The boy gave a clumsy bow.  “Forgive my sister, my Lady, she--”

“Did nothing wrong.”  Teris finished, smiling down at the girl.

The boy gave her a nervous smile a slight color flooding his cheeks.

Yami smirked at the lad, the boys Ki telling him that he found Teris attractive.

“I’ll take those.”  Teris said, holding her hands out to the lad.

Yami chuckled seeing how flustered the kid got handing over the mead and food.  The boy’s neck and face turning beet red when Teris’ hand brushed his during the transfer of goods.

Teris looked at the girl.  “And you can give one to each of these gentlemen.”  She gestured to Yami and William.

William turned his head, though his eyes had been watching the entire time. “Me?”

“Unless you don’t want it.”  Teris said.

William smiled at the Nova’s generosity.  Accepting the offered food from the girl, he told Teris.  “Thank you.”

“That coin she gave you can cover another ale.”  Yami told the boy, taking the food from the girl.

The boy nodded and dashed off.

“Making me pay for your drink?”  Teris teased, brow raised.

“You already paid, I’m just seeing you get a bit more out of it.” Yami said.

“And how is another ale for you getting me anything?”  Teris played, stepping between him and William to watch the match.

“Cause it makes me happy and you like it when I’m happy.”  Yami said, feet shuffling to the left till his arm brushed hers.  He looked her over glad his hands were once again full otherwise the temptation to grab and kiss her would’ve been impossible to resist.

Yami looked across Teris at William to see him watched them with interest. The two men's eyes met and held a moment before William’s bright smiling eyes flicked away.  Yami turned back looking across the field to find and focus on Zara.

“So that’s your Purple Orca friend.”  Yami commented, jutting his chin in the man’s direction.

Teris followed his gaze.  “Zara.  Yeah.”  She huffed seeing Randall speaking to him.  Remembering how the Crimson Lion had all but ignored the Purple Orca after the Decoration Ceremony at the Kings Castle, she said.  “Glad to see Randall finally seems to remember he knows Zara.”

Having attended the past two day events at the Kings Castle that celebrated the end of the Nine Day War, William asked.  “Can you blame him? Randall could hardly converse so readily with a peasant when among his peers.”

“I did.”  Teris challenged.

“As a member of the oldest royal family, you can speak to whom ever you wish with little condemnation.”  William said.  He chose not to add that as the Intended of Nozel Silva, the heir to the second family of the kingdom, she could converse with whom ever she pleased without fear of lowering her status.

Teris scoffed, recalling the censuring looks Nozel and his father cast her way when she had conversed with Zara after the Decoration Ceremony.

“I could name a number of people who don’t agree with you there.” Teris told, looking at William out of the corner of her eye.

The boy returned with Yami’s ale.  Yami downed the one he had and held the mug out to trade for the full one, only the kid was too busy making eyes at Teris.

“Can I get you anything else, Lady Nova?”  The boy asked, softly.

Too softly apparently, because Teris who hadn’t noticed his appearance, kept her back turned to him.  The boy looked her over and stared at her butt.

Yami’s eyes narrowed.  He thrusted the empty tankard into the kids chest, hard enough to send him back a couple steps.

The boy turned his gaze to Yami who snatched his drink out of the kids hand.

Staring down at the boy, Yami commanded.  “Go away.”

The boy sprinted off.

Yami watched the kid with an amused huff.  Turning back around he asked Teris.  “How was the ceremony?”

“You mean, did I behave myself?”  Teris asked, eyes sliding to him.

Yami smirked at her.  “You said it, not I.”

“Lady Teris was most genteel.”  William offered.  The feelings of his hidden friend melded and infected his having him go on.  “Well, except for when Nozel dragged you away.”  He looked at Teris. “Though I’m sure it’s difficult to appear elegant when being pulled behind someone.  You were alone in that room together for quite some time.  I hope whatever Nozel wanted of you turned out alright.”

Teris glared at the masked noble.  The hair on the back of her neck prickled feeling Yami’s eyes bore into her.  There was no doubt in her mind that William said what he did on purpose.  The way his blue eyes danced behind his mask made her want to rip it off.  What was he hiding anyway?

“I suppose it did.”  William went on.  He felt guilty, but not enough to stop.  “You arrived on his arm for the dinner and danced not once but three times with him at the ball.  Is it true that he even convinced his father to allow him to take you to Racine to view the sculptures of the Ice, Water, and Sand Contest?  I’ve always wanted to go myself.  But from what I’ve heard it’s mostly a romantic event meant for couples.  Maybe next year.  If I have someone close enough in my life.”

“I don’t see that happening.”  Teris said in dry monotone, wondering what she’d done to offend Julius’ other protege.

“Ah! Vice Captain Jon has won the match.”  William said.  “Excuse me. I must congratulate him.  Thank you again for the food.”

Teris watched the Golden Dawn slip under the bar that marked the perimeter of the training yard.  Turning to Yami, she noted the once full mug of ale dangling from his hand, empty.

After taking a long, slow sip of mead, Teris asked.  “How was you and Tobin’s mission?”

“You already asked that.”  Yami said, dropping the empty tankard next to where he dropped the food when he grabbed Teris by the wrist.  He took a bite of food more for something to do than hunger which he no longer felt.

“No problems?”  Teris asked.

“Nope.” Yami said, chewing.

“It’s just Venice said you and Tobin were expected back early today.” Teris said, wishing Yami would look at her.  “I had begun to worry.”

“I can tell.”  Yami snarked.

Teris’ eyes hardened.  She was tempted to throw her food at him.  Instead she threw it on the ground.

Yami felt a breeze kicked up by Teris spinning around and storming away. He tossed his food down and cursed, regretting his sour sarcasm.  It wasn’t that he was jealous.  ...Okay, he was jealous.  But not in the way one would think.  He trusted Teris, and didn’t need to trust Nozel to know nothing happened.  What Yami was jealous of was that Nozel could take her to some romantic event supposedly meant for couples, and he couldn’t even go out alone with her unless it was for a mission.

“Who’s next!”  Bronn hollered from the center of the training yard.

Annoyed at Julius’ rules, and angry at his response, Yami gripped the hilt of his katana and lept over the bar.  He needed to hit something and Bronn had just given him an excuse.

Bronn saw him and grinned devilishly.  “I was hoping you’d get back in time for this.  Sure you got enough mana left after that mission? Can’t mix with Black Sheep like you use to top off and cheat.”

“You gonna talk all night or fight?”  Yami questioned the Vice Captain.

Bronn rolled his neck and cracked his knuckles.  “The Captain's Challenge is meant to prepare and show what it means to be a Magic Knights Captain.  The power, strength of will, and all that nonsense. There’s no Vice Captain's Challenge.  But seeing as you’re suppose to take my place soon enough, I’ll happily take you on here and now.  Feel free to let loose and use magic, fists, and whatever else you got.”

Yami cloaked himself in mana.  He didn’t put it passed Bronn to take an early cheap shot before the matches start was called.  “Works for me.  So long as I can kick your ass and you can’t cry about it and have me kicked out.”

“You sure you don’t want any help?”  Bronn taunted.  “It apparently takes two of you to take my place.  Black Sheep--”

Yami unsheathed his katana, cloaking it in darkness.  “Leave her out of this.”

Bronn shrugged.  “It’s you’re infirmary stay.”

Standing with Randall and Zara, Fuegoleon looked between the two Black Bulls. It was obvious this wasn’t a challenge so much as an excuse to fight.  He looked for Teris among the spectators hoping his cousin was watching Yami’s brutish display but didn’t see her.  At least Nozel had left, called away on a mission.  Given that Yami had left Nozel in the dark about Lord Silva sending another gang to kill him; Fuegoleon wouldn’t have put it passed Nozel to step forward and join the current challenge against Yami.

Jon left Kess’ side, ducking back under the railing and moving near Bronn.  “I don’t like this.”

“Neither do I.”  Quince said.

Fuegoleon silently agreed with his Vice Captain.  This was suppose to be a challenge of skill.  Not a brawl of passed grievances.  They were Magic Knights not petty thugs.

“Get behind the line.”  Bronn ordered the Azure Deer.

“Let the two fight.  Bronn has a point.  Why isn’t there a Vice Captain's Challenge?”  Jaynee asked.

“Because you’re stupid, that’s why, Jaynee.”  Tyrn said.  “Bronn.  I’m all for whipping upstart subordinates into shape but this doesn’t feel right.  You might be use to getting into trouble but the rest of us aren’t.”

“You might be leaving soon but I’m looking to be made Captain.  I won’t let you do this.  You want to fight the foreigner, do it another time.”  Whilf put in.

Bronn sighed heavily, stance relaxing.  “Seems I’m being overruled. Sorry, Lord of Destruction.  You won’t be visiting Healers Hall tonight.”

Yami sheathed his katana and spat.  “Coward.”

Bronn made for Yami.  Quince lept over the bar.  Tyrn ducking under.  The two reached Bronn and held him back.  Jon moved between Yami and Bronn in case Yami made for the Vice Captain or Bronn broke through. Bronn struggled against his fellows, cursing up a storm.

Senses alert in case Bronn used his magic or broke free, Yami turned his back.  An insult he knew would enrage the Vice Captain further.

Shoulders tense, sure word would get back to Julius and his Captain would have words for him, Jon ushered Yami away.

Seeking to quickly move on and deflect from the scuffle, Jaynee took up the call asking for an opponent.

Yami took a drink out of someones hand and downed it, tossing mug back at the person.  Jon apologized, handing the Magic Knight a coin as payment.  Reaching the treeline Yami plopped on the ground exhaustion suddenly catching up to him.

“What was that about?”  Jon questioned, watching Yami yawn.

Blinking heavily, Yami said dully.  “Bronn’s an ass and deserves an ass kicking.”

Jon shifted on his feet, looking around before agreeing.  “Can’t argue there.”

The Azure Deers Vice Captain wasn’t sure how he felt about Yami.  But he didn’t think he’d ever consider the man a friend.  It wasn’t just because of the way Yami had insisted on a bribe before agreeing to go out on what had ended up being the worse double date of Jon’s life.  It wasn’t even because Yami was close friends with Venice’s new boyfriend, Tobin.  Nor was it because it had been Yami’s suggestion that Tobin had followed which had made Venice so jealous and led to their break up.  Okay, may be it had a bit to do it.  But it mostly had to do with how different the two men were.

For the entirety of his life, Jon strove to behave as perfect courtly gentleman.  He showed far more noble grace than either of his legitimate siblings and likely knew more about proper decorum too. As a bastard, Jon had done all he could to show himself to be better than what people expected.  To be more than the noble children who sneered at him and had it so easy.  Yami, on the other hand, didn’t try in the least to raise and better his behavior to prove to others that he was capable of it.  That he was more than the uncivilized foreign peasant the hierarchy believed him to be.  Worse than not trying, in Jon mind, was that Yami didn’t even seem to care what people thought.

It bothered Jon to no end.  Still, despite his lack of friendly, though not necessarily unfriendly, feelings toward Yami, Jon felt a responsibility toward him given Yami was one of Captain Julius’ proteges.

Jon looked over the crowd milling about and sighed.  At least no one seemed to be paying them much attention any more.

“Is everything alright?”  Jon asked.  Seconds passed without answer. “Yami?”  He looked back down the Black Bull to find him laid back against a tree trunk asleep.  Jon shook his head in annoyance.  He’d never understand what his Captain had and still saw in foreigner.

74.4

“Are they dating?”  Jax asked.

Julius shrugged in his seat.  “Don’t know.  Jon’s been exceedingly careful of his personal doings since he learned we knew so much about him and Venice.”

Jax tisked, taking a sip of his drink.  “It’s our duty as Captain's to know what our squad is up to.  Hard as one tries, personal life can’t completely be removed from work.”

“I’m just glad he’s no longer moping about the break-up.”  Julius said.

Jax nodded into his cup.  “It’s been six months.  It’s about time he got over her and back out there.”

Julius smiled sadly.  As if his friend should talk when he was still hung up and hadn’t been on a date in years.  Not that Julius hadn’t tried helping Jax get back out there.  The man deserved to find happiness. Especially after what happened.

“Is he?”  Jax asked.

Julius raised his brows and blinked in question.

“Over her.”  Jax elaborated.

Julius shrugged again.  “Don’t know.  But his better humor and interest in someone else is a good first step.”

“Just so long as he doesn’t go after Tobin or hold any animosity against Venice.”  Jax said.

“That was never a worry.”  Julius said of his Vice Captain.

“Talking about the Captain's Challenge?”  Teris asked entering the Black Bulls base just in time to hear Julius’ comment.  Her eyes narrowed.  “Don’t tell me you two are spying.  Hoping to learn the Vice Captain's strategy.”

“You mean it hasn’t devolved into an open contest for all comers yet?” Julius asked, remembering that’s how it was when he was a Vice Captain.  Sadly, the Captain's didn’t have near as much fun preparing.  Too busy to even schedule a group practice before the challenge, they were left winging it the day of.  At least it gave the Vice Captain’s a chance at winning.

Teris nodded, moving to stand before her brother who sat in her favorite spot in the great room.  “That happened shortly after sundown. People from the village have come to sell food and drink.  There’s even music.  You’d think it was a festival.”

Jax shared a smirk with Julius.  “Nice to know somethings never change.”  His eyes focused back on Teris trying to stifle a niggling worry.  “Yami and Tobin back yet?”  Even if the two dallied, they should've been back by now.  But Yami and Teris hadn’t seen each other in four days.  Jax would've figured the couple would be together if Yami had returned.

“Yeah. They’re out there.”  Teris grumbled.

Jax and Julius glanced at each other.  Though both wondered, neither wanted to kick a possible hornets nest by asking what Yami had done. At least Yami and Teris didn’t argue often.  And the few times they did they seemed to handle it quickly enough on their own; with the exception of that one time last year before they got together.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you some questions.  Have a seat.”  Jax commended.  He reached for an empty glass on the coffee table and poured a fingers worth of whiskey, sliding it over to Teris who sat beside Julius.

Julius’ eyes followed the serving of amber liquid as it glided across the coffee table.  He gave Jax a look for offering his little sister such a hard drink.

Teris picked up the glass.  Julius’ narrowed eyes fixed on her, eyebrow arching.

At her brother’s critical gaze, Teris paused.  “What?  I’m eighteen.”

“You’ve been eighteen for two days.”  Julius remarked.

“Girl’s still eighteen.”  Jax said.

Julius shot his friend another look.

“What? If the kingdom can send her to war and have her face possible death in service as a Magic Knight, she can have a drink.”  Jax said.

Teris didn’t see the problem.  She had partaken of ale and mead for years.

Julius turned back to his sister, disapproving expression warning her against drinking the hard liquor.  Eyes locked with his, Teris took a sip.

She sputtered and coughed, eyes tearing and squeezing shut as her face scrunched.

Julius plucked the glass from her hand and set it on the coffee table. “Serves you right.”

Jax chuckled at both Nova’s.  He took a swig of his drink and admitted. “It’s an acquired taste.”

Vision still blurry from watery eyes, Teris watched her Captain.  Now she knew why they called it fire water.

Setting his glass down, Jax rested forearms on knees.  “Have you had anymore disoriented awakenings like the ones that happen when the page of Chaos communicates with you?”

“You, Julius, and Commander Greywright were quite clear that if I did I was to report it to one of you.”  Teris replied.

“That wasn’t an answer.”  Jax said.

“Why would I disobey an order from three of my superiors?”  Teris asked.

An uneasiness tugged at Julius’ stomach at Teris’ deflection.

“Answer the question.”  Jax commanded.

“No.”

Stern eyebrows knitting together, Julius’ head snapped to Teris. Reprimand on the tip of his tongue.

But Jax spoke first.  The single word weighted with danger.  “No?”

“No, I haven’t had any communicative dreams with the page of Chaos.  At least not any telling sign of them.”  Teris answered.

“Has Yami mentioned any dreams or signs that the page of Chaos is communicating with him?”  Jax asked.

“Shouldn’t that be a question for Yami?”  Teris wondered, still cross with her boyfriend.  She had been so excited to see Yami upon his return only for him to act like an idiot.  At least they didn’t have to worry about showing affection in front of everyone, she consoled herself.

Rather than scolded Teris, Julius did something far more effective.  The Azure Deer sat back and crossed his arms.  “I don’t know, Jax. You sure you want to make her co-Vice Captain?  She can even answer a simple question without giving lip.”

Teris’ eyes widened.  Her jaw dropped, struggling for words.

Jax pretended to consider.  “You have a good point.”

“Yami’s way worse about cooperating and listening.”  Teris said, incredulous.

Jax sighed knowing all too well how true that was.  “Which is why I’m asking you.”

Teris shrugged a shoulder.  “He hasn’t said anything.”

“We’re a little under three months out from the Winter Solstice.  That’s about the time you began experiencing somewhat regular signs of communicative dreams before the Summer Solstice wasn’t it?”  Jax asked.

Teris nodded.

“Yet Yami hasn’t mentioned any sign of the same?”  Jax pressed.

Teris shook her head.  “No.  And he promised he’d tell me.”

Jax looked to Julius in open question.

Julius scratched his brow and speculated.  “It’s possible the signs of the dreams are different for Yami and he hasn’t yet figured out what those signs are.  But Marx would need to preform his Memory Absolute spell for us to know for sure if Yami’s had any communicative dreams.”

“Yami won’t like that.”  Teris said.

Jax almost said he didn’t care what Yami would like but instead admitted.  “It wouldn’t do us any good anyway.  Not when we still can’t see or make Yami remember what’s going on in those dreams.”

Julius hung his head feeling like a failure.  For all his searching he still hadn’t found a spell or magical technique that would help Teris and Yami remember what the page of Chaos was communicating with them. His hands balled into fists, knuckles turning white.  When it came to the Agents of Chaos matter he had failed too many times to count.  In truth even his small victory’s hadn’t been wins so much as barely there catch ups.  But there was one thing he refused to lose at; and that was keeping his sister and Yami safe and out of the Agents of Chaos’ hands this Winter Solstice.

Though it was only October fourth, the dreaded day loomed large with seventy-eight days left until December twenty-first.  As much as Julius wanted to find a way to help Teris and Yami remember what the page of Chaos was saying; it wasn't necessary.  With or without that knowledge he would stop Alowishus Spade and end his plans.

Thank you to those who have left hearts.  And a special THANK YOU to those who have recently left comments or re-blogged. They really mean a lot.

*So we won’t being seeing the Captain's Challenge this time around. But we will be seeing one later when Yami, Teris, Nozel, and Fuegoleon will be able to participate as Vice Captain's.  For now we’ve got other sorts of drama to get to.

Next chapter snippet:

Now that he was looking, Yami noted bruises on her other shoulder too. His hands lifted hovering over Teris’ shoulders lining his fingers over each mark.

[whiskynottea]

We’ll rise up

Previously  Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13  Chapter 14 Chapter 15

AO3

                                                       ~~~~~~

Chapter 16. A missed rendezvous

Claire glanced at the door, then back at Raymond.

“Don’t worry, Madonna, I’m sure he’s as eager in being here as you are. Something must have kept him behind.” 

She didn’t doubt Jamie wanted to meet her and that made the fact that he wasn’t sitting next to her in the dark apothecary all the more disturbing. Claire’s gaze was fixed on the big wooden clock hanging on the wall behind Raymond’s counter and she kept worrying her bottom lip in a failed attempt to distract her mind from worrying. 

“I will wait for half an hour,” he resolved, murmuring more to herself than to inform Raymond. “If he hasn’t arrived till then, I will send Fergus to find Murtagh at the wineshop.”

The minutes came and passed by, like indolent strollers by the Seine on a spring day. The front door opened and closed, and every time a customer got inside Claire’s heart leapt inside her chest. But none of them was Jamie. 

It was an hour later when Claire started for St Antoine, her quick pace barely matching the volley of thoughts firing inside her head. She found Fergus first thing, and he bolted down the street as soon as he knew where he needed to go. 

He wasn’t away for more than an hour, but to Claire, it seemed like an eternity. Maybe two.

“Milady, milady,” he gasped for breath when he returned home. “Milord…” He placed a hand at his side to relieve the stabbing of a stitch. “He wasn’t… Murtagh wasn’t… A man…”

“Fergus, mon chou, stop.” Claire gave him a smile despite her worry. He kept referring to Jamie as Milord, and it was really sweet, if not a hasty deduction. “Take a breath, collect your thoughts.”

The boy opened his mouth as though to deny the offer, but thought better of it and closed it again. A minute later, with the air in his lungs guaranteeing a normal breathing rate, he spoke again. “Milady, I didn’t find Milord or Murtagh. There was another man there, and I know I shouldn’t talk to him but I was curious and you were waiting for an answer and I thought… I thought it wouldn’t matter if I spoke to somebody else if it was only this one time.”

“And what did this man say?” Claire asked, her concern enough to make her overlook Fergus’s disobedience.

“He said Milord and Murtagh weren’t there, and I better don’t go searching for them.”

Claire didn’t know what to make of this. For some strange reason, she expected that Murtagh would be at the shop and she could get her answers. Now she remained in the dark, with both Jamie and Murtagh missing, and she didn’t know what to do. 

“Fergus, I’m afraid I have to ask for another favour,” she said, still unsure if it was wise to ask such a thing from the boy.

“Anything Milady!” Fergus almost jumped with the need to be useful.

“I want you to go to Jamie’s home tomorrow, early in the morning, before Murtagh leaves for work. If Jamie is there, tell him to write to me and wait for his letter. If he’s not but you find Murtagh, ask him if Jamie is alright, and where has he been. Can you do that for me?”

“Oui, oui, Milady! I can go now, I remember the way!”

Claire smiled and ruffled the boy’s curly hair with affection. “I doubt you’ll find him now. We have to wait until tomorrow. Maybe Murtagh and Jamie had to tend to certain issues…” Claire trailed off, thinking of Jamie’s insistence on procuring information regarding Frank Randall.

What if somebody found out and let Frank know? The Scot was a man with a purpose, and a stubborn one to boot. If only he gave up on that. Frank’s servant hadn’t shown up at St Antoine after Claire’s return, as though the single note he’d left was everything he meant to say. 

Be careful.

She hadn’t expected a message like that and she didn’t know what to make of it, but she was sure it wasn’t the threat Jamie read into it. Claire had pondered multiple times on the message and replayed the incident at the park close to Notre Dame in her mind. This was the last time she’d met Randall and he wanted to talk to her. What did he want to say? And why had he insisted so much?

Jamie had defended her back then but Randall couldn’t possibly know about her relationship with him. Thoughts were feeding on her hope like moths in old furniture. What if Frank was behind Jamie’s absence?   

She surveyed her replenished medicine supplies, as though a full kit would somehow heal the dull ache in her heart. With Fergus out to play with his friends, Claire started brewing a chamomile and peppermint tea for Louise’s sore throat. It had been days with her cough not improving a bit, and she often complained of headaches. 

Claire had already boiled the water when three heavy knocks on her wooden door reverberated in the silent room. She patted her dress absentmindedly and prepared herself for the worst.

What that worst could be, she didn’t know. The world was giving her so many options to choose from, these days. Wounds from fights, from accidents, festered ones that nobody had tended to for days, fresh ones still oozing blood.

What she hadn’t expected was to see Murtagh outside her door, alive and well albeit with dishevelled hair and a sheen of sweat covering his brow.

“What happened?” The words were out of her mouth before she could control herself. “Come in,” she invited hastily, stepping at the side to free the way. 

The man gave an indiscernible sound and joined her inside the room. “Claire,” he started, the ‘r’ of her name rolling on his tongue in an achingly familiar way. “I need ye to be calm and not overreact about what ye’re going to hear.” 

“Well, this introduction surely doesn’t help,” she commented with a frown.

The corner of Murtagh’s mouth curled up at her retort, but his face soon became sombre again. 

“Jamie didn’t come at the apothecary today. We had a rendezvous and he missed it,” Claire prompted him.

“Aye, I ken. And a good reason he had,” Murtagh murmured. “Look, Claire. Jamie never showed at the wineshop yesterday morning, as he was supposed to. He hadn’t come back home the night before, either.”

“Why? Where is he?” she interrupted again but her voice was no more than a whisper. 

“As I said, we lost track of him two days ago. He passed by the wineshop but Jared didna need him to stay. He looked fine, Jared said, and was supposed to come home, but he never did. I found out the morning after, foul that I am. He’d just gone to meet Annalise and it never occurred to me to checked that he’d returned.

“Murtagh, you couldn’t possibly know…”

“But I should, shouldna I? In any case, I did few things the past two days apart from searching for him, lass. I found him a few hours ago. They,” he hesitated, running a hand over his brow to wipe off a nervous drop of sweat. “They got him, Claire. He’s been held at La Force Prison.”

Claire was pretty sure that the earth kept spinning around itself and continued its well-timed rotation around the sun, that people kept going on with their everyday chores, that children kept laughing, and babes kept crying as they searched for their mothers’ breasts. Still, the world seemed to stop for her; a pause in life, an interminable empty moment that gradually got filled with the echo of Murtagh’s announcement and a stabbing pain in her chest. 

She knew what being imprisoned meant. There was no court, no order or procedure ensuring a hearing for the captives. There was no chance for them to prove their innocence, to claim a truth as their own or fake a lie and hope their deliverance was masterful enough to secure them a chance in life. 

Revolution demanded heads with no form or ceremonies. It craved for flesh like a vulture circling the dead. Cruel and forceful, justice was tainted blood-red and had a metallic taste that seemed to linger in your nostrils no matter how hard you breathed in clean air after leaving the scene.

Captives got executed. As simple as it was unrelenting. Sometimes it was a straightforward decapitation. Others, a disgraceful hanging. But at the worst of times, a public execution asked for the breaking wheel, and with the breaking of the bones came the most inhumane cheers from the crowd that turned into a mob ignorant of the fact that it could be them instead of the condemned ones – that it could still be them, the next day or the day after that.

No one was safe. Jamie hadn’t come at the apothecary because he was held in prison.

His public walks with Annalise. His house close to Champs-Élysées. Working in a prosperous wineshop. His refusal to kill the little boy at the Comte’s manor house.  

Jamie was going to die.

They would kill him without batting an eyelash because Jamie was not a person anymore. He represented everything they hated and they would make an example out of him. 

Jamie wouldn’t look at her with that lopsided smile of his again. He wouldn’t laugh again, or kiss her, or hold her in his arms. No one would whisper in her curls or call her Sassenach with such tenderness and love. She would lose him because this was the Revolution and it was as unfair as just. Because this was men’s excuse for cruelty. 

“Lass? Lass?” Claire’s unfocused eyes found Murtagh’s again and she regretfully realized that he was as lost as she. 

“What are we going to do?” she asked, wishing the man to give her a plan, to help her out of that deadlock and force her to act. “We need to do something, quick. I can’t lose him, I can’t.”

“I tried to see him, but they didna let me. Maybe if you go…”

She grabbed his hand and walked to the door but Murtagh planted his heels on the floor, jolting her back. 

“What?” she demanded, impatient and irritated.

“If they see you there, wanting to visit him, you risk being tracked down here as a collaborator.”

“People trust me here,” Claire replied, setting her jaw. 

“And we thought they trusted Jamie, but look where he is now. I won’t risk ye getting hurt, lass. He wouldna forgive me that.”

“Won’t,” she corrected him, and when she noticed his confused face, explained herself. “He won’t forgive you. He’s not dead and he’s not going to die as long as it’s in my power.”

“I dinna ken what’s in our power, but ye’re not coming back here if you visit the lad at La Force.” 

Claire thought about it for a long moment. “No, I’m coming back,” she said at last. “If I won’t, it will be like signing off my own sentence, admitting I’m guilty. I’ll come back and I’ll find a way to get him out.”

Murtagh didn’t seem to agree but had apparently decided not to insist on his objection for the moment. They left the room less than a minute later. Fergus was playing around the corner and ran to Claire the moment he spotted her and Murtagh.

“Milady! Murtagh told me that Milord is fine!”

A quick glance at Murtagh, and Claire tried to seem as unaffected by the news as she could be. “Right,” she said and coughed to clear her throat. “I’m going to meet him now, seeing as he missed our rendezvous.”

“Can I come with you?” the boy pleaded. “Please? I want to see him too.” 

“Next time, mon chou. I need you to… to��”

“Keep an eye open for anything out of place around here,” Murtagh supplied and Claire silently thanked him for his quick thinking. There wasn’t much to keep the boy away apart from his sense of duty.

“If the sun sets and I’m not back, come to Murtagh’s house,” she directed. “Carefully.”

“Oui,” Fergus nodded seriously. “Like a shadow.” He grinned, proud of his skill. “Will you tell Milord I took good care of you?”

Murtagh chuckled despite the graveness of their situation. Claire promised Fergus that she would and ruffled the boy’s riotous curls, so much like her own. With a last stifling hug that would embarrass any boy if it came from a parent but left Fergus only squeezing back, Claire whispered, “À Bientôt, love,” and left the neighbourhood following Murtagh’s steps.

Chapter 17