#i think she'll be able to leave the house at least a bit

[fbwzoo]

My baby girl is just the bravest pup lately!! I'm really having Feels over her progress this weekend - she is no longer on ANY anxiety meds - trouble getting delivery, then the vet said was fine to not start again if we wanted to see how she does. Since she seemed to be handling things just fine, we're going with it!

Friday we had a vet visit to check her teeth, and they took her back for bloodwork & nail trim. We're going to do a dental & vaccines in the next month or two, she's got a lot of tartar buildup & mild gingivitis starting. She was definitely very stressed with the visit, as expected, but she still let me pick her up multiple times, hand her to the tech, and they said she did great in back as well. She's still so shut down with the new surroundings that she doesn't offer to bite. Not ideal reason, but we'll take it for now.

Then all weekend I've been out each night until late with a music festival, so routine change. And tonight we had Jack's mom over for dinner for the first time as well, only 2 days after the vet. She shook the first few minutes, but went over on her own for a sniff & small lick, then came back to observe from her safe corner behind me. Within 15 minutes, she was actively enjoying pets from me, and she was relaxed & snuggling the rest of the time after that.

[flippinpancakes64]

Can I Request All Of The Cullen Family With A Reader Who Tosses And Turns In Their Sleep?

Btw I Love Your Fanfics So Much!

The Cullens with a Restless Sleeper

Sometimes I think you guys are inside of my house the way you guys send me the most specific asks

Also my requests are currently closed! You guys are so sweet, every time I open them back up I feel like I have to shut them again because I get so many!

And thank you for the kind words! I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He doesn't mind

I mean, he's the one who wants to be freaky and watch you sleep

The very least he could do is not judge your sleeping habits

He does his best to work around you

You decided to turn onto your side with one arm wedged underneath you and the other one flopped over his face?

Okay he'll stop breathing so that you don't get disturbed by his breath on your hand

You smack him every once in a while but it's not like it hurts him so he's okay

He'll ask you every morning if you slept well, and if you say yes and he can see that you're rested, then he doesn't press

But if you keep waking up super exhausted then he suggests asking Carlisle if maybe there's a medical reason as to why you move so much

Alice:

I've mentioned before that the only way she'd be able to stay with you the whole night would be if she had a tv on or a book or something

Again, she's not really one to be bothered

It's not like you can control it

You're literally asleep

She thinks it's funny more than anything

Whenever you sling your arm onto her and knock her book out of her hands, she can't help but giggle

She just sort of lets you do your own thing

She tends to just stay in her spot

If you move away, you move away

If you cuddle up next to her, then she'll cuddle back

Unbothered queen

Jasper:

He gets in his own head a bit in the beginning

He thinks that he's the one making you uncomfortable

That you're tossing and turning so much because he's too cold, too hard, etc

You have to tell him that you're just a restless sleeper and that it's not his fault

After that he relaxes a bit

But he still tries his best to make you comfortable

He moves with you the whole night

And he will nudge you a bit if he thinks that your new position looks a bit uncomfortable

Rosalie:

She doesn't like to lay down for hours at end

So chances are she wouldn't even notice that you're so restless

I think it would have to be one night where you asked her to cuddle (and of course she says yes) where she finally notices

She wakes you up instantly

She thinks you're having a nightmare

After you explain she apologizes

She gets a little frustrated

Vampires have no need to be comfortable, but they can still feel comfort

The whole night, she feels like she finds a nice position and then you move

But she doesn't leave

You asked her to stay for the whole night so she stays

Emmett:

He's squirmy too

Two bugs who are very snug in your rug, only both of you move way too much

So y'all balance each other out

It works out kinda well for him

If you were a really light sleeper who never moved, then he would be waking you up all night

But since you already move so much, his tossing and turning doesn't really affect you

A perfect pair of rotisserie chickens

Esme:

She gets a little worried

She thinks you're having chronic nightmares at first

And then she's even more concerned when you wake up and she asks you about them but you say you don't remember having any nightmares

She asks Carlisle to check you out

Obv there's nothing wrong

So she just keeps an eye on you

She really enjoys cuddling, so it's a bit annoying when you squirm away and turn onto your back

And then again when you launch your leg over her stomach and turn yourself until your head's off the bed

She just resets you to a normal position and the cycle continues

Carlisle:

He doesn't mind

Again, the only time he would really care would be if it seems to be affecting your sleep health

But if you wake up energized and refreshed, then he can't complain

He's another cuddler

But since you're so active, he also has a book

He cuddles when you're in the position to do so, and then he reads whenever you squirm onto the other side of the bed

He has no need to be comfortable, so he just moves wherever you need him to

You're trying to roll onto his side of the bed?

Okay yeah just let him get up real quick and go to your side

He's a king sorry my bias is showing

Vampire! Bella:

She's another nighttime cuddler

It helps her feel a little human again

So she does get a little frustrated when you keep interrupting her zen with your movements

Like she wants to cuddle damnit why are you halfway across the bed with your leg dangling off?

She is not afraid to drag you back

Or to hold you in place with her iron grip

Sorry you're trapped

Good luck moving now ;)

[gemini-sensei]

HDJSHDH i need to know what happens with bad boy robby and his date with larusso’s sweet innocent daughter 😭

i imagine he picks her up at her house, driving a car he took from his mom and some flowers and chocolates he also stole, wanting to save what little money he had in order to pay for whatever they were gonna do.

it’s so cute to think of him getting all ready for a date like maybe ironing his clothes and spraying cologne 🥺

i think he’d either wanna go to a concert, arcade, or like a theme park or fair. all of these he’d want to impress her and show off. he’d buy them both some snacks and drinks to share, maybe a smoothie with two straws cus he saw it in a movie and thought girls would find it romantic. at the end of the date he brings her home and heads to leave but she invites him inside for a bit, they end up either watching movies and falling asleep together on her large comfy bed (maybe something else🤭)

thank you so much for answering all of my super long requests<3

I love your super long requests 💗 don't be shy to send more 😉

Robby would be the one to wanna pay for everything so he's scrounges up some cash to do so. Of course he steals the flowers and chocolates because the money can be used elsewhere. He wants to impress Reader and she's a rich Encino kid, so of course he has to do everything like a gentleman.

However, this is sweet, goth LaRusso!Reader. She doesn't care about money or what he's able to get her. One their daylte, she probably pays with her dad's card before Robby has the chance to take our his wallet. She doesn't care about the stereotype where guy pays for everything on the date. She just wants to have a nice, fun time with her date.

I thought they might go to a concert, but I love the idea that they go to a fair!

They totally eat fair food and sit at a picnic table while drinking a smoothie together. She totally finds two straws romantic, not that she'll admit it outloud. She has an air of gothic mystery to keep up, similar to his bad boy attitude he keeps up with. He definitely puts his arm around her while they walk around the fairgrounds, holding her close as he gives off that 'I don't care' attitude to everyone they pass by. It's actually so sweet.

They go on rides together where he holds her hand the entire time and they're laughing together, just having a nice time together. They spend the time waiting in lines talking about any and everything, just getting to know one another that much better. And cliche as it may be, they have their first kiss at the top of the Farris wheel 🤭 totally unplanned. It was just the perfect moment.

When the night is seemingly over, Robby is happy with how things are seemingly going to end. He takes her home and walks her to her front door, but then she mentions how she doesn't want the night to end and asks if he wants to come inside. He has nowhere he has to be, so he comes inside and they decide to watch a movie in her room. Her family aren't home, so there no one to bother them or bombard them with questions. She strategically told her dad that she was going out with friends and definitely not his new hire from the Auto Group.

It's sweet and innocent at first, but as they forget about the movie in favor of lip locking and gentle touches. Being that he wants to be gentlemanly, he doesn't touch past her waist but he does get some squeezes in. He can't help it. Her waist is so soft and squeezable 😏 so he has to at least get one in, which makes her gasp and their lip locking turns into making out.

They lay on her bed making out for what feels like forever before they have to part for air. She giggles when she sees her black lipstick smeared on his lips and she can't help kissing his cheek to leave a black smooch on his skin. And maybe a few more down his neck. Robby is not opposed to any of this and perhaps they get a little carried away with each other 🤭 either way, their night together is unforgettable.

[cobaltperun]

Lost (16) - Night of the Hunter

Tara Carpenter x female Reader

Summary: To anyone on the outside, and to Tara’s friends, you were Tara’s fierce protector, the MMA fighter who’d take anyone on for Tara. The Guard Dog, as Amber called you. You had no idea you’d have to protect her from people who claimed they loved her. It didn’t matter. As long as you and Tara had one another there was nothing you wouldn’t be able to survive.

Story warnings: Scream violence, family issues, trauma, angst, certain sensitive topics

Word count: 5.5k

Story Masterlist / First part / Previous part / Next part

-Whatever you do, don't be afraid of the dark-

You lost count of how many times you looked at your phone in the last couple of hours, so you basically lost all the patience you had. You leaned on the kitchen counter and waited. "Come on, it's not that hard to pick up," you muttered as you tapped the fingers of your free hand on the kitchen counter, but much like the other two times you called earlier, Susan didn't answer her phone. "Hey, please call me when you see this, I'm getting worried. Ghostface is back, and I don't think you're in danger, but I'd feel better if you spent a few days at a neighbor's house or something," you decided to leave a message this time. "Be safe, love you, bye," you had no idea why you said those words, you never said them to Susan before, but somehow you just had the need to say them.

You should have said those words sooner, you loved Susan like a mother, hell she was the one and only person in the world you could consider your parent. You never said those words because you struggled to say them to anyone other than Tara. Years of only having a deep, emotional bond with Tara made it difficult to express yourself to anyone else, though you cared for a lot of people now. Well, a lot compared to before. You loved Susan, and Sam, and Chad and Mindy, and even though you didn’t know her for long, you loved Anika as well. But saying it, even casually, felt almost impossible. Yet now it just slipped out.

Susan was going to get shocked when she hears that. She knew you loved her, even without you telling her, but you knew she’d be happy to hear it.

"Susan still isn't answering her phone?" Tara approached you and you just nodded as she took your hand. If you weren't worried, you'd think the situation was funny, since the roles reversed as the day went on. When Susan first failed to answer her phone, you brushed it off as a hectic day at work and Tara was the one who got worried right away.

Then, when Susan didn't answer her phone the second time you found yourself assuring Tara she was okay, even if you were getting worried yourself. And now Tara was the one comforting you. "She's on the other side of the country, I doubt Ghostface would travel all the way to Sacramento," you said, but you could see the look in Tara's eyes. She saw right through you, sure, you wanted to reassure Tara as well, but those words, they were meant more for you. And you were still a hundred percent certain no one figured out she had anything to do with you.

"I'm sure she'll call you soon," Tara placed her hand on your left forearm, gently tracing random patterns across your skin. You relaxed significantly, choosing to remain in here and now with Tara instead of in different what-ifs your mind was making up. Tara wasn't the only one who found comfort and safety in your touches, you craved it just as much, relied on it just as much, so you placed your right hand on her waist and tugged her body closer to you. You just weren’t as obvious as she was, or well, at least it took some time for your friends to figure out it wasn’t just Tara that was touchy with you, so you guessed you weren’t as obvious.

Tara smiled softly as she let you pull her in. Her left hand caressed your cheek, and it was so minute you doubted anyone but you or Sam could notice it, but there was the slightest tremor in her touch. It was getting a bit cold. You raised the hand that was previously resting on Tara's waist and placed it over her left hand to warm it up. “I’d be lost without you,” you whispered, kissing her palm as she smiled, she didn’t need to say anything, her eyes told you all you needed to know, her eyes told you the feeling was mutual.

The sound of gagging made both of you roll your eyes, though you didn’t separate from one another. "This is why I couldn't take living with you. It's either drama or sickly sweet with you and I could somewhat handle the drama," Mindy was being Mindy, teasing and complaining even if you and Tara knew she was, deep down, happy for you two.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, go cuddle with Anika," you smirked at Tara's words. Granted, Mindy and Anika weren't as touchy as you and Tara, but they were fairly sweet as well.

“Ha! Don’t even try to pull that one, T, Anika sitting on my lap, or me sitting on her lap is as rare as you not sitting on Y/N’s lap,” Mindy fired back, luckily Tara was getting fairly immune to Mindy’s teasing.

‘There’s not much point in denying it,’ she told you one time when you got worried Mindy’s teasing went too far. Tara just made sure you understood that she didn’t care about the teasing as much as she used to. She was touchy, and clingy, and she couldn’t and wouldn’t even try to deny it. “I’m clingy and I’m proud, besides, who wouldn’t be in my position!” Tara declared boldly, and took a step back to gesture toward you with her hands.

You went to pour yourself a glass of water. “Maybe you should try snuggling with Anika more often, it’s relaxing to snuggle with someone you love,” you smirked before drinking a few sips of the water.

"Sure, I was going to do that, but you two missed my monologue, again," Mindy said, and you nodded a few times, silently accepting that this was happening. "Also, you were spared from Ethan's weird overshare that he's a virgin, and if we have to know so do you two," at that you had to groan.

"Not our business, Mindy," come on, you did not need to know that. You absolutely did not care one bit about how experienced anyone was. You wouldn’t have even cared about Tara’s experience if she herself didn’t tell you about it, mostly because she needed to get it off her chest.

"It wasn't our business either," she just deadpanned, as if that was actually a good excuse to go and share Ethan’s private information, that you didn’t even ask for.

"So!" she ushered you and Tara to the table and from the corner of your eye you saw Chad giving you a thumbs up with an encouraging look on his face.

"Someone save us!" you whisper-shouted, mostly looking at Sam for help.

Tara chuckled and lightly elbowed your side. "Behave, it might be fun," she sat on your lap instead of the chair Mindy pulled out for her.

"Oh, come on, for once sit somewhere else!" Mindy huffed with her hands on her hips.

Tara just grinned and leaned back against you. "I'm doing you a favor, you know Y/N might escape if I don't do this."

You wrapped an arm around Tara's waist and leaned your head back, feeling just a tad bit annoyed. "Gee, sorry for not wanting to live by movie logic," a good movie to watch as a way to have fun? Sure, any time, especially with Tara. This was just going too far for your taste.

"Too bad, Y/N, this is your life now!" Mindy walked over to you and poked the side of your head. "The sooner you accept that, the better."

"Never!" you gave a defiant, and maybe a bit childish, refusal.

"You can't fight this, miss MMA! Besides, we are in a franchise, and characters aren't safe anymore, so you better listen, especially Sam and Tara," any fun you might have been having with this conversation was gone in an instant.

"No one is killing Tara or Sam," you felt Tara twitch slightly on your lap, you figured it was due to the tone of your voice, lower than usual and promising pain to whoever tried to hurt either of the two sisters. "No one is killing any of you, not you, not Chad, and not Anika, not while I'm breathing."

Mindy looked away from you, touched, but not really believing your words. "You can't promise that, Y/N, but thanks anyway."

Your eyes met hers, you understood, while you would do everything in you power and protect Tara you couldn’t be everywhere at once, you couldn’t claim no one would get killed as long as you were breathing, not after Wes and Liv being killed last year. You would still do your very best to keep them all safe.

"Okay, I'm sensing tension here, let's just relax and have a fun slumber party as the Core Five," Chad and Sam came into the kitchen while Anika stayed back in the living room watching news.

"Core what now?" you couldn't help but ask.

"Core Five?" Sam asked at basically the same time.

"Did you just give us a nickname?" Tara asked in utter disbelief.

"I sure did! I mean, we've been through a lot together and it's a pretty cool nickname," Chad explained and you honestly could go along with that logic.

"That's debatable," Sam wasn't quite on board yet.

"It's extremely debatable," Tara definitely wasn't in favor of it.

"You can't just give yourself a nickname, dingus," Mindy was probably just messing with Chad.

"Of course I can, dingus, because I just did," Chad raised his palm for a high five. "Core Five up top!" he exclaimed.

"No." Mindy immediately rejected him.

"Down low!" he tried with Tara.

"Get that away from me," Tara laughed.

"Please, for the love of God, Sam!" he might have been getting a bit desperate.

"Don't do it!" Mindy, perhaps seeing that Sam might actually do it, quickly interfered.

"Y/N!" he tried one last time.

"You know what, I feel sorry, here's to your Core Five staying alive five," you high-fived Chad, ignoring the incredulous look on Tara's face.

"Thank you!" and Chad looked happy, so win-win.

"I can't believe you," Tara shook her head.

"What? It's kinda cool," you shrugged, but before an argument could be made for or against the nickname your phone rang. Tara nearly jumped off your lap, but you kept a firm hold on her. "Yes?" you picked up without even looking at the caller ID. Maybe you should change that habit…

"Y/N L/N?" that didn't sound like the way a Ghostface would start the conversation.

"That's me," you replied, keeping caution at bay.

"We received a report of alarms going off at the gym you work at. Thomas Laurent called us and said he was out of state and that you'd come to handle the situation. We just need you to come by and make sure everything is still here," the woman spoke over the phone, and you nodded, making up your mind in a second.

"Not the best moment, but sure, I'll be there as soon as I can," you hung up and realized Tara wasn't budging. "Love, I know it's not ideal, but I'd like to keep my job," you pressed soft kisses to the back of her neck. "I promise I'll be careful."

"I'm going with you," Tara decided still not moving from your lap.

"Tara, no you're not," Sam didn't waste a moment, she just outright put her foot down.

"Listen to Sam, please, you'll be safer here," you pleaded for Tara to just listen to you this once. Ater all, if this was the trap you were guessing it was, this was your best bet. There were two options, either Ghostface was waiting for you at the gym, or he was trying to separate you from the group and attack them.

"You're not going anywhere either, Y/N," and it looked like both sisters were about to give you trouble.

"Sam," you tried to argue, a plan already forming in your head, and you didn’t feel like letting this opportunity get away.

"Thank you!" Tara looked so happy Sam was on her side in this. She then turned to you. "You're either not going, or I'm going with you, the same way we agreed on me going to parties."

You and Sam both groaned at that, Tara really shouldn’t have mentioned that agreement when she broke it twice.

"You were beaten! You're not going alone!" Tara argued, before either of you could respond to her previous argument.

"T, if this Ghostface that attacked you really is stronger than Y/N, and she really has to go, then she'll be safer on her own, or, if someone has to go with her, it should be Chad," no one quite liked the idea of you going anywhere, and you were sure Mindy didn't exactly like the idea of Chad leaving either, even if she did suggest it.

"I'm definitely going with you. We'll beat this chucklefuck up together," Chad seemed confident, and the way Sam was nodding at that had Tara reluctantly getting up.

You got up and grabbed your car keys and wallet. "No one is going with me. I'll be in and out," you sighed when Tara wrapped her arms around your waist. "Tara, Love," as gently as you could you got her to let go of you. As hard as she tried there was pretty much nothing Tara could do to you unless you let her, and you sometimes wondered if she got so used to you giving in to her wishes and demands that she forgot that fact. "Please, don't make this harder than it should be," you understood, you really did, but the sooner you left the better.

Tara looked you in the eyes. "Please, don't leave," it nearly made you change your mind.

"Trust me, I'm not about to walk into a trap," you assured her, you reached up and touched her cheek. "We need to be rational about this," even if it did hurt to leave Tara like this you turned to Sam. "I know this isn't the smartest option, but I made up my mind."

You didn't exactly leave a lot of space for arguing and by now they all knew how stubborn you were. And so, you left the group, taking your spare keys with you.

~X~

You left the apartment. You actually left Tara and she… she was frightened, not for herself, the apartment was fairly safe as far as she was concerned. She was there, Sam was there, Chad, Mindy and Anika were there, with five on one even the Ghostface that fought against you would have troubles. So, no, she wasn’t afraid for her life, she was afraid for you, you reckless, asshole. You left when Tara all but begged you not to, you were knowingly putting your life in danger when you knew one moment of carelessness could mean death. And you just wanted Tara to accept it and wait helplessly for you to come back home.

And it made Tara angry. It was a similar feeling to the one she’d get when she had mood swings back in Woodsboro, only even stronger this time, and her emotions were out of control. She needed you here, both to feel safe and to complain to you about your behavior.

"Hey, she'll be fine," surprisingly, the one who reassured Tara was Anika.

Tara looked to the side. "How can you be so sure?" a part of her wanted to say something along the lines of 'easy for you to say', but she knew better. Maybe it was because you and Anika didn't have siblings in the friend group, or maybe it was because Anika was the one who helped four months ago when Tara first disappeared, but somehow the two of you bonded a bit more than Tara expected. You definitely bonded more with Anika than with Ethan. Granted, that was true for the entire group, not just you. Except maybe Chad since Ethan was his roommate.

"Come on, T, she's strong and smart, she's either sure she can handle whatever trap someone could be setting up for her, or she has a plan of her own," and if you had a plan you weren't about to say it.

Perhaps you just didn't trust Anika enough to openly say what you were going to do.

It didn't stop Tara from worrying about you, but she couldn't do anything but believe in you. So, she felt better. You'd come back to her. You always did. "Thanks, Anika," she smiled, and then they heard the news that Sam was the suspect.

~X~

You needed to be quick about this. Luckily, there was a gas station near your apartment, so you approached the first younger driver you saw. "Hey, would you like to earn three hundred bucks, with absolutely no effort?" the moment those words left your mouth you wondered if your morals completely abandoned you.

"Huh?" the kid you approached probably wasn't even out of high school.

"Look," you showed him a police tracker. "You drive away with this in your car, in the opposite direction of your home. Then, a couple of miles away from here just chuck this somewhere. No matter what, don't keep it," as long as he kept driving and went far enough you genuinely hoped nothing bad would happen, but you needed to get rid of the bloody tracker.

You should probably thank Sidney for making you paranoid about trackers on your car.

"Uh, sure," quick and easy money, coupled with the kid being young and likely naive did the job.

"Thanks," you said and handed the tracker and the money over to him. "Throw it away, and don't stop, just throw it, you hear me," you really hoped you wouldn't see the kid got stabbed in the news tomorrow morning. "Don't ever do this again though, you never know who you're dealing with!" you hollered as you ran back to your car.

You were suspicious the moment that call came, guessing Ghostface would be trying to separate you from the group. Either to jump you or attack the others, you weren't sure. But you weren't about to take the bait. You drove like a maniac, parking the car in the back alley less than a minute from the building you lived in. Even less if you ran. And then you hid in the shadows, watching the entrance, thankful you chose to wear a black hoodie today.

Your phone rang and you picked up, once again without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello, Y/N," oh, you recognized that voice. "What are you doing so far from your workplace?"

"Ruining your plans," you were relieved the kid listened to you.

"Hardly. I got you exactly where I want you. Away from home," that would have been chilling to hear if you weren't looking at the entrance and noticing the figure approaching.

"If you even try to touch them," you warned, stepping away from the shadows, and as silently as you could you went after the Ghostface.

"What are you going to do about it?" you didn't respond, seeing as you were already about a dozen feet behind the killer. "Silent, huh? Will you be that silent when I carve up your little whore," you grabbed Ghostface from behind and slammed him into the ground.

"Sorry, whore really doesn't fit any of my loved ones," you picked up the knife he dropped and quickly stabbed him several times, but just as you were about to slit his throat you heard tires screeching, horns blaring, and looked up to see a car heading right toward you and the Ghostface.

You jumped up to your feet and headed for the stairs, you got inside just as another Ghostface emerged from the car and went to his fallen accomplice in crime.

You felt your blood run cold when you took a good look at the two. They weren't nearly as big as the one you fought at the bodega.

No.

Fuck!

Would this one run after you or get the other one out of the way? You didn't know. It didn't matter.

~X~

Tara couldn't remember the last time fifteen minutes made her go through such a rollercoaster of emotions. First, she was worried about you, then reassured, then she had to completely shift focus on comforting Sam, and then, finally, she even allowed herself to be excited and happy for Sam because she was sleeping with Danny, or Cute Boy, as Tara dubbed him, mostly to see if you'd get jealous. You didn't even react, but the nickname kinda stuck around.

And then they all heard Anika scream.

Tara jumped to her feet and ran into the living room to see Ghostface standing over Anika with a knife in her stomach.

"Anika!" Mindy cried out as Tara, before anyone could grab her lunged at Ghostface and tried to push him off Anika.

He wouldn't budge, Tara was trying with everything she had, pushing the forearm, but nothing worked.

"Feisty," Ghostface chuckled, entirely unbothered by her efforts.

Tara suddenly remembered all those times she watched you fight, pulled her fist back, and with all her weight put behind the punch she hit him right where his liver was.

He flinched, probably more surprised than anything, and pushed Anika aside. Before Tara could react, he grabbed her left forearm and pulled her closer. "You should have left the fighting to your girlfriend," he taunted and raised his knife. And she screamed, for a moment feeling like she was back in Woodsboro, with Amber, in her robes above her on the night she was attacked for the first time.

Everything turned hectic from that moment. Sam grabbed the arm holding the knife and pushed, desperately trying to keep the knife from reaching Tara as Chad jumped in and punched Ghostface in the face. Tara did her best to push as well and they managed to topple him over.

"Help Anika!" Chad got on top of him, hitting him with all he had several times and for a moment Tara thought they would be safe. She thought Chad's hits were enough to defeat the man, because while he wasn’t as skilled as you were, Chad wasn’t weak by any means.

"Chad get back!" Sam, however, saw something else and went to pull Chad back. Only then did Tara see the man had his forearms raised and was blocking each and every hit Chad made. And it looked a lot like how you would fight in the cage. There was no doubt in Tara’s mind now, this man was an MMA fighter and she felt her blood run cold, because she knew exactly how dangerous that made him.

There was no mistaking it. This was the Ghostface that attacked the three of you at the bodega. Sam wasn't strong or fast enough to pull Chad away in time and Ghostface stabbed Chad right below his chest.

He violently yanked the knife out, making the wound even worse as blood splattered on the floor and Chad cried out as he and Sam fell back. Tara watched in horror as Sam managed to get back on her feet only to just barely avoid the knife.

"Run!" Sam yelled and Tara went to help Anika to her feet. There was no way they could reach the front doors, but maybe they could lock the bedroom doors and call for help from there. Mindy, trusting Tara to handle helping Anika went to get Chad, only to get sliced across her left biceps.

Sam grabbed a lamp and threw it at Ghostface, slowing him down just enough for all five of them to flee into the guest bedroom.

They had no idea what to do now, though. They didn't bring their phones. They barely managed to block both of the doors and Ghostface kept trying to break through.

"Sam!" they heard Danny yelling from his apartment and Sam went to the window.

"Shit," she cursed, and Tara realized they really had no way out. Ghostface would break in sooner rather than later.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Tara looked at Sam, not knowing what was happening, all she was focusing on was trying to slow down Anika's bleeding. "Fuck, I don't," Sam grabbed onto something and Tara realized it was a ladder.

"Tara! Tara, go!" Sam ushered her to the ladder.

"Sam! Wait!" Tara tried to argue, but Sam just grabbed her shoulders and made her look into her sister's eyes.

"Listen to me, we'll send Anika next, but I need you to get out of here," the frantic, frightened look in Sam's eyes made Tara give up on fighting.

Tara pulled Sam into a hug. "Please don't die," she begged and, not having any more time to waste, went to the ladder. She looked Danny in the eyes and swallowed down her fear. The last thing anyone needed right now was for her asthma to kick in. Slow, deep breaths. She thought about you, about how you'd be encouraging her right now, but she was moving too slowly. The lack of strength in her left hand made her uncertain.

"Come on, Tara, I got you, Sam will be right behind you, you can do it," Danny encouraged her, reaching out for her to grab onto his hands. And she did, she grabbed on and with his help made her way to the safety of his apartment.

"Sam!" she immediately cried out, now feeling even more anxious since she had no idea what was happening in the apartment. She could still hear Ghostface trying to break into the apartment, she flinched when she heard wood cracking but managed to keep her breathing under control when she saw Sam climb onto the ladder.

Sam began making her way over, but the ladder shook slightly. "It won't hold me," Sam spoke what Tara feared the most at the moment.

"It ain't going anywhere, it's gonna hold you, I promise," Danny kept a firm hold on the ladder and Sam nodded slightly.

"Eyes on me, Sam, come on, I got you," just like he did with Tara he reached out for Sam and pulled her inside.

Sam immediately hugged Tara, trembling slightly, and then looking at Danny. "Thank you," she whispered. "Okay, she turned back toward their apartment. "Come on!" she yelled for the others to get across.

"Mindy! Chad! Anika!" Tara yelled, hoping any of them would just get to the ladder and get out of there before it was too late. She saw Mindy and Anika getting close to the window. Her heart shattered when she saw Anika and Mindy kissing, possibly for the last time, and Mindy climbing on the ladder.

"Anika and Chad are coming right behind you! They're right behind you!" Sam kept yelling, keeping Mindy from panicking. She made it to the other side of the ladder much faster than either Tara or Sam. It wasn't fast enough though.

Just as Anika climbed onto the ladder they heard the doors slamming open.

"Chad!" Mindy screamed. They didn't see it, but they heard a loud thud and what sounded like a body dropping.

And then Ghostface was at the window, stabbing the knife next to the ladder.

"What?" Anika asked, afraid and in pain and there was nothing they could do to help.

"Anika you have to move now!" Mindy cried out as the man slowly, as if taunting them reached down for the ladder.

"No!" Tara cried out, and then she felt like her heart stopped beating for a moment when she saw a fist colliding with the side of Ghostface's head.

You came back.

~X~

You could hear the screams as you were running down the hall toward the doors. You could see blood from the moment you burst into the apartment. You saw red when you realized Chad was struggling to get up and Ghostface was reaching down for the ladder.

Why was there a ladder? You had no idea. It didn't matter. You rushed into the guest bedroom crashing your fist against the side of his head and for good measure slamming your entire body into Ghostface.

Both of you dropped to the floor and you placed him in a hold, wrapping your arms around his neck and right arm as you pressed his left forearm down with your knee.

"Y/N," Chad stumbled to his feet and you could see how unsteady he was.

"Get out of here! Get across the ladder!" you yelled, still not sure what that other Ghostface was going to do. "I've got him, just go!" you could feel Ghostface trying to get on his knees, but you kicked his leg and added pressure to the forearm at the same time.

You could hear Chad climbing onto the ladder as you tried to choke Ghostface. Even with as much strength as you were putting behind your hold, he managed to grab your forearm and pull just enough to prevent you from choking him.

You were stuck in a different dilemma though. Should you fight him right now? Just try to end the biggest threat? You were vaguely aware of the knife next to the ladder, you could reach it before Ghostface, but you weren't sure you could be quick enough to end it all before he got back to his feet.

"Y/N!" hearing Tara crying out for you made you consider just running away. Just getting across the ladder as quickly as you can instead of fighting. Leaving the fight for another day and just hoping you’d get a better chance to finish him off.

Hearing footsteps closing in made the decision for you and you jumped to your feet and went for the window just as the other Ghostface came in, knife twirling between his fingers.

You didn't have time to do it carefully. "Out of the way!" you yelled and jumped out of the window, just barely keeping your balance as you lunged forward and tumbled into Danny's apartment. The ladder fell as you stumbled into someone and tripped over your own feet.

You knew who you stumbled into before you even opened your eyes. You felt her trembling arms clinging to the back of your hoodie. When you opened your eyes you saw Tara beneath you, tears falling from her eyes as she pulled you down to kiss you.

"Are you okay?" you asked, looking her over when she allowed you to pull away.

Tara nodded frantically. "I am, I'm okay, Y/N," she whispered, and you relaxed just for a moment before looking around you. You weren't too late, everyone was still alive. Everyone but Tara and Sam were injured, but they were all alive and you hugged Tara tightly, kissing the side of her head and muttering a soft thank you into her ear.

~X~

You were all, aside from Anika, more or less, fine. Chad had a concussion and a deep stab wound, but he could still move around and Mindy's cut, while painful, wasn't deep enough to cause permanent damage. Tara, Sam and you were, for the most part, just a bit shaken.

Anika was the one you were all the most worried about. Her wound was serious, and while she survived, and the surgery went well none of you knew when she would wake up or if there would be any lasting issues caused by what she went through.

You folded your arms and squeezed at your biceps, barely keeping yourself from biting your lip. You thought you could outsmart the killers and it nearly cost Anika, and everyone else, their lives.

You stepped back and leaned your back against the wall. Events of last year came to mind as you watched Mindy watching over Anika while Tara was comforting her to the best of her abilities. You guessed you had a similar expression back when you were waiting for Tara to wake up.

Chad walked over to you, leaned against the wall, and placed a hand on your shoulder. "What now?" he asked.

"You stay here, protect Mindy and Anika, and leave the rest to us," in any other circumstances you were sure he would argue. That he would demand to be there for Tara, Sam, and you, so he could help you fight. But this was his sister and not only was she injured she wouldn't leave her girlfriend here.

"Y/N is right, Chad, you're needed here," Sam understood. Everyone understood what the only option was for Chad.

So, he nodded. "You better come back. We are Core Five," you could see in his eyes that he felt bad about his choice, but this was one of those situations, where you just had to choose the one most important to you. The pair of siblings would choose one another, no matter who was on the other side, and no matter how much it would hurt them if they had to choose.

"Yeah, you might want to change the nickname, use six instead of five," you said, firmly believing that Anika would make it out of this completely fine.

Story Masterlist / First part / Previous part / Next part

[vamp1reheart]

•°Shadow of light°• 02

Notices: This book contains violence, explicit sexual content, verbal and non-verbal abuse, war scenarios, Conflicts, depression and suicide, toxic relationships, obsessive themes, and others... This book is a Taehyung x female reader fanfic, However, I do not own BTS and I have no intention of offending anyone with this story!

Note: Initially this book was not supposed to become a fanfic, it is an original book of mine that is still being created. Turning this book into a Taehyung fanfic was a request from a friend of mine, so I hope you like it. I might be able to post the original version of the book, but it will all depend on how people react to this fanfic (the book is a bit different from the fanfic, don't worry ;)

Preview:"She was known as the sun, always with her bright smile and her admirable kindness."

"He was known as the moon, cold, dark and in his coat were the most precious stones."

"But the moon does not shine without the light of the Sun, and that is something he did not count on."

Have you ever dreamed that you were falling into a deep, dark hole?

That was the feeling I felt when I woke up.

I was in my room. The window was open and the sunlight lit up my room, like a cozy setting.

But then I remember what happened last night.

Was that a dream?

I'm not sure, but it seems like the man is just a distant memory.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Aunt Miranda calling my name.

For the first time, I woke up after her. I think it's better not to tell Aunt Miranda about the dream I had, since she's paranoid she'll have me blessed.

Walking down the stairs in a fragile manner I see Aunt Miranda in the living room.

"Good morning aunt"

"Good morning dear, come with me to the city fair. I need some things..."

Leaving the house after that dream seems like a terrible idea, I don't know why I think that, but something tells me it's better not to go out.

Ignoring my thoughts, I decide to please Aunt Miranda and go to the fair with her. It's been a long time since Aunt Miranda and I spent time together, so I have to stop being selfish and please her at least a little. I curse myself for even considering the possibility of locking myself in my own house in order to hide from the dream I had.

I wish I could say that the fair is peaceful. But it isn't.

I feel watched.

Could it be because the fair was full of people? But it's not, the path to the fair was quiet, but the feeling that someone is watching me is constant.

I hate this feeling, maybe my subconscious was right...maybe I should have listened to my selfishness and stayed home.

Maybe I...

My thoughts are suddenly cut off when I see him in my peripheral vision. That's him, right there, in an alley, hidden in the shadows.

Without even realizing it, I stop walking, the pressure in my chest returning again, I can only look at him.

He was still frighteningly handsome. He gives me a smile, that same smile he gave me in my dream, and with his finger he calls me. He doesn't need to use words for me to come to him.

But what am I doing? I feel like I have no control over myself at the moment.

When I realized I was already very close to him, This makes me fear, my whole body trembles, with fear?

He grabs my hands in an attempt to stop them from shaking, and again comes close to my face to whisper in my ear.

"You look even more beautiful in the sunlight..."

He spins my body, making my back hit his chest. He brushes my hair aside and I hear a small chain noise.

Looking down I see a beautiful necklace, it was simple but certainly extremely valuable. It was golden like gold, and at its tip was a stone, Half bluish white that reflected the sunlight.

"Only the best jewels for my best jewel."

He says, caressing my arms gently, before his touch becomes like a ghost on my skin.

Turning around again, I realize he's already gone.

It certainly couldn't be a dream now.

In my room, I can't stop thinking about who he could be.

The jewel he gave me is definitely a diamond.

I may not know much about stones, but I know it's a diamond and its chains are gold.

This is not cheap at all, jewelry like this doesn't exist on this side of the wall.

He was rich, very rich. But how did he end up here on this side of the wall?

How did he find out about me?

Your appearance is raising more questions than answers for me.

The rich and the poor are not allowed to cross each other's side. This is one of the main rules that the former King Kim put in place.

But why is he here? If he's here, he must have a passage.

Looking at the photo of my aunt Miranda with a child me.

If he is a thief and got all this money, it means I can get money to give Aunt Miranda a better life. She always did everything to make me happy, even when she didn't have it. I need to give back, I need to show myself useful.

So if that scary man can help me make money, I'm willing.

When the sun is taken by the moon, my decision was already made.

Opening my window I don't think twice before jumping out, and heading towards the lake where I know I could find him.

I know he's dangerous, my subconscious says so. But I need to help Aunt Miranda.

Again I see the shine of the water reflecting the moonlight. Truly magnificent, but I have no time to waste.

Before I can fill my lungs with air and scream for the strange man, a voice is heard behind me.

"Don't you dare scream. Didn't I tell you that it might attract predators?"

I quickly turn towards him.

"You!" I say, pointing at him accusingly, realizing at the same moment that I hadn't planned what to say to him.

"Looks like someone needs me, were you looking for me dear?"

He says, approaching and circling me as if he were a shark about to devour his prey.

It's intimidating, and his gaze makes me shrink.

"Yes..."

His chest seems to swell with pride, or some similar feeling.

"You have no idea how good that makes me feel. Now tell me darling, what do you need me to do for you?"

He says with a strange smile, taking my hand and bringing it to his face like a loving hug.

"I need you to answer me, are you a thief from the other side?"

I ask him and his face looks shocked. But soon his expression turns into a mocking smile.

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes, that's what I think."

"And if I go, what will you do?" He says bringing our faces closer.

"I want you to teach me."

His face turns to shock again, and he lets out a loud laugh.

"My dear, I may or may not be a thief on the other side. But if you want to go to the other side, there is an easier way to do it."

How did he know? Anyway, it doesn't matter, he has the solution to my problems and that's what's important.

"As?" I ask distressedly, but I had already made up my mind.

"You can go to the other side, if you are mine..."

Continued :)

(Not reviewed! Sorry for any mistakes!)

[gyusimp]

°•𝑻𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄•° (𝑀𝑟𝑠. 𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑎'𝑠 𝑇𝑜𝑥𝑖𝑐 𝑓𝑖𝑐 𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑡 2)

Read Part 1 here!

🛐 WARNINGS: NSFW | Explicit content | Toxic content | Toxic relationship | Handling | Bad words | MINORS DNI! | Modern AU | Read at your own risk. If u don't like, pls no hate and just leave. I based a bit on the Jinx manhwa to write this 👀 No attempt is made to romanticize or normalize toxic relationships, this is just fiction.

Thank u girl for ur permission 🤧 u r the best! @mrsshabana

Here you were, on your way to the Shabana's house again. You received a text message from an unknown number that turned out to be Gyutaro who spent the whole week insisting that he wanted to see you now that you were already his "girlfriend" at first you refused but thinking of all the negative things as a result of this decision, you resigned yourself to playing along, at least you had already achieved the first thing on your list, which was to make the cheerleading squad.

You rang the bell as soon as you arrived and a few seconds later, Gyutaro appeared on the other side of the door drawing a smile on his face when he saw you in front of him so he let you in. You walked behind him looking for Ume with your eyes and when you didn't see her you knew that the situation from the last time you were here was going to repeat itself.

"Hey wait, this wasn't what we agreed on!" You said, after seeing that Gyutaro's intentions were to take you to his room. "You said that I should only agree to be your girlfriend, that's all!"

"And then what do you think girlfriends are for? To hold their hands and write them romantic letters, nothing more?" He replied, with his typical shit-eating smile and a mocking voice. "You know what I really want, girl, and you agreed despite that. Now go ahead and do your girlfriend duties."

You looked at him seriously and angry, you promised yourself not to allow this guy to use you again. You had a hard time accepting the way your virginity was taken, many tears before going to sleep and you didn't want to go through that again. Never more.

"Of course not, fuck you." You told him. You settled your bag on your shoulder and were about to leave. You guessed that this time Gyutaro didn't care because he just took his cell phone out of the pocket of his ripped jeans and touched something on the screen. You were walking down the stairs back to the front door when you heard Ume's voice on speaker starting a call.

"Brother, hi what's up?"

"Hi Ume, you see...I'm here with y/n at home and a question just came up, is she already part of the cheerleading squad?" You turned around to look at him, you damn manipulator.

"Yes, she can join us at the next practice."

"Oh, well...the truth is, she's not sure if she'll be able to take part or not. She says she has other things to do and-

"Don't do it!" You told Gyutaro, both of you were silent making Ume feel confused.

"Gyu, are you still there?"

He smirked as if he enjoyed your suffering and looked you up and down in the dirtiest way he's ever done.

"What am I going to do with you?" He whispered. "Ume, Forget everything I told you, y/n arranged her schedule so there's no problem."

"Sure? Well, if another change comes up you know you can tell me."

"Ok sis, see ya." He said and hung up the call, putting his phone back away.

You had no other choice and besides, you realized that no matter what things you get nothing was guaranteed and Gyutaro could take it from you whenever he wanted if you contradicted him. You sighed heavily and entered his room again, letting him close the door behind you. You were standing in the middle of the room, looking anywhere, not knowing what to say or do. Gyutaro walked around you watching you carefully, he took your arm and pressed his knee behind yours to make you fall to the ground and kneel, he took a part of your hair and pulled it closer to him. You closed your eyes scared of what could happen so when you felt a pressure against your cheek you decided to open your eyes, realizing that your face was in his crotch.

"I've barely thought about how we're going to have fun today and look how hard you already gave me put!" He laughed.

Gyutaro didn't let go of you until he started to unfasten his belt and his pants, the sound of the buckle and the zipper opening made your hands sweat and your heartbeat quicken, filling your body with fear and insecurity. His hands parted his clothing and he went to the top of his boxers to pull them down, releasing his erect length into your face. Seeing it made you shake as it was too obvious what would happen next. He pulled your hair again with less force than a while ago, so that you would look into his eyes.

"Suck it." It wasn't a question, it was an order.

"W-wait, what!?"

"Make it quick, I have other things on my mind." You froze, you had never done this before in your life so that filled you with terror, you felt disgusted at the short distance between his wet tip and your face without knowing what to do.

"Hurry up!" Gyutaro ordered.

You sighed. You slowly approached him, maybe if you closed your eyes it wouldn't be so bad? Your mouth parted and you began to give short and small kisses on his tip until you felt your lips get wet with his pre-cum, that made you want to vomit immediately so you moved away with teary eyes covering your mouth with one hand before the gagging began.

"I can't believe you're so fucking inexperienced. You're pathetic." He said, annoyed.

It wasn't like Gyutaro was the most experienced guy in the world either, actually, his first time ever sleeping with someone was with you but unlike you, a bunch of porn videos had given him enough information almost as much as if he had already had sex many times before.

"Open your mouth and stick out your tongue, as if you were going to the dentist." he scoffed.

You weren't sure, but you also didn't want to make him angrier or he would probably be rude. You did what he said and you opened your mouth sticking out your tongue, not too much so he would go little by little or that was what you thought. From one second to the next, Gyutaro grabbed your head pulling your hair again and skewered himself into your mouth with a single firm blow reaching your throat. Now it was inevitable that the gagging appeared.

"If you throw up or if I feel your teeth, you're dead."

You didn't have to do much since Gyutaro was doing most of the work, he was holding your head and moving his hips against your face with force. You were trying to gasp for breath, trying not to cry or your sobs would choke you; you just clung to his thick thighs with both hands trying not to fall. When you heard Gyutaro start to moan and your tongue get wetter, everything had gone to hell.

A strange taste invaded your mouth, Gyutaro did not stop and it seemed that he even tried to go deeper, if you stopped him with your teeth and disobeyed his warning, who knows what he would be capable of doing so you preferred not to find out. Instead, you pressed your lips around him and thus slowed his movements, you did so with each of his thrusts so that was clearly pleasing to him.

"It seems you're starting to enjoy it, right? Little bitch..."

You closed and opened your eyes blinking heavily, you could barely swallow because you didn't want to feel his taste and breathing was already getting difficult between so many tears and his cock bursting into your mouth, your nose was not enough to breathe. Your hair was messy and sticking to your tear-drenched cheeks; You didn't even know how much time had passed, your throat was burning until after all this time Gyutaro pulled your hair hard and came completely out of you before cumming into your mouth, still a few drops splashed on your cheeks and the rest did on your chest and ground.

Finally you were able to breathe without any obstruction, you supported your two hands on the ground and tried to regulate your breathing. You were tired, your jaw felt tense and your throat hurt, you tried to breathe through your mouth to not swallow his taste, your half-open mouth avoiding doing so began to salivate accumulating saliva on the edges of your mouth until you began to drool. You felt so dirty.

You closed your eyes again when you felt that Gyutaro took you by the chin regardless of getting wet with your saliva so that you could see him directly in the eyes again.

"Yeah...that's how I like to see you. Good girl." Was it a congratulations or another mockery?

You didn't even want to speak, Gyutaro held out his hand in front of you and you honestly didn't know what to do but you put your palm on top of his, he took your hand and helped you stand up. You didn't expect it but it helped, your legs were tingling and feeling weak from the position you had been in all this time. Gyutaro took you and let your chin and face rest on his shoulder, it wasn't a hug, he just wrapped his muscled arms around your waist and helped steady you as the nausea slowly subsided.

Gyutaro's hands slid gently over your body, caressing your arms, your back and your waist until reaching your butt where he lifted your skirt and began to touch your ass. He massaged your butt and then brought his fingers under your panties to touch you only to his surprise that you were wet.

"Don't go to sleep...remember I had many things on my mind?" He said, sinking his fingers into your wet folds. Gyutaro walked until he made you fall on the mattress, crawled on top of you in the middle of your spread legs and gave you a wicked smile as he lifted your skirt. "You already tasted me, it's only fair that I do it now, isn't it?"

⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢≫

You were sitting on Gyutaro's bed, you were thinking about a lot of things right now but mostly about him. You were upset with him. He told you that he was going to a party tonight with some guys from the university who he doesn't consider his friends but are still a bit close to each other, there was no problem for you until he told you that you should accompany him; parties and stuff weren't your thing and especially when it was too late and involved alcohol and stuff; besides, you didn't want to get in trouble with people from the university.

That had already happened to you once, when you and Gyutaro were starting your relationship, actually, it was that night when you...

But this time you wouldn't let him tell you what to do, it was too late and you were already tired so don't You said nothing to him and you left there to go back to your apartment but when you were about to enter you realized that the keys were not in your bag because Gyutaro had taken them again, forcing you to go to his apartment tonight.

You had nothing else to do when you went to his apartment, so you just changed your clothes to feel more comfortable and stayed in his bed.

⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢≫

The door to the room was almost flung open and Gyutaro walked in behind it, with that frown you were used to. You knew he was angry but that didn't scare you like it did a couple of years ago when you met him.

"Throwing your damn tantrums again, aren't you?" he asked, taking off his jacket and looking into your eyes.

"You know I don't like that kind of thing." You answered him, seriously.

Gyutaro walked towards you hurriedly and irritably, when he was close enough to you he grabbed your cheeks with one hand to squeeze them and make you look into his eyes abruptly.

"And who said you could leave? You're mine, and that means you have to be where I am, always." His breath smelled of tobacco, he had been smoking, and a faint scent of alcohol also left his lips. He had been drinking but not enough to get drunk.

"Stop being so selfish! I've told you a thousand times that I hate going to that shit and yet you keep making me go!"

You let go of Gyutaro's grip, the force and how he grabbed you made you irritated and that triggered his bad mood too so he took your hands and you two began to struggle.

"Don't raise your voice to me, you little bitch, you should be thankful that I at least thought about you…" He said, holding your wrists in his hands to control you.

"Don't touch me! Give me my keys, I'm out of here!"

"Dammit! STOP MOVING!" He yelled at you. "I go to the fucking trouble of involving you in my shit so you don't whine that I don't care but you still decide to act like a bitch and walk away!? DON'T BUG ME!"

"DON'T YELL AT ME! In the first place, I never asked you to go to that fucking party, let alone with all those idiots! You spent the whole night with those bastards and you left me alone at a table like a fool!"

"FINE! Forget dating me then! Eat shit by yourself if that's what you want! But don't you dare even claim me!"

"Don't make me look like the villain! You're doing this on purpose right? You think I haven't noticed that you're always looking for a way to piss me off!? FUCKING MY DAMN EXISTENCE!? I'M SICK! SICK OF YOUR-"

No you were able to finish speaking, Gyutaro continued to struggle with you until your wall collided with the nearest wall causing you to get a little scared, thinking you were going to fall. He took advantage of your imbalance to rudely stamp his lips against yours. He took your face and pushed away your fool attempts to push him away with his hands, holding you in his strong arms. It wasn't a soft or tender kiss, it was rough and intrusive, he even dared to bite your lips to make you moan and open your mouth to introduce his tongue. You were upset with him but the pressure between your legs overcame you, again, making you give up and wrap your arms around his neck to continue the kiss and make it more passionate.

It was always like this, you two argued very often and most of the time all these fights ended up in bed, was it some kind of reconciliation to the point perhaps? No idea, but no matter how angry you were with him you always ended up at his feet. Gyutaro began to put his hands under your shirt to remove it completely as he walked to the bed and push you onto the mattress to get on top of you and continue undressing while he himself got rid of his clothes as well.

"See how cute you are when you shut up and stop being a annoying bitch?" He said, teasing you and groping you to embarrass you in front of him. "You're much better like this... take care of closing your mouth and opening your legs."

Gyutaro flipped you over on the bed to give you a hard spanking before roughly pulling your panties down and throwing them somewhere in the room, he positioned himself on top of you and began rubbing his hard dick all over you while speaking in your ear.

"You've been such a bitch today...you made me very angry, but you never refuse me to fuck you for a while...I'm not sure if I should punish you or reward you for being a good slut, what do you think?" He spanked you again.

"I-I, I don't know…just do what you want with me…you always do, don't you? J-just…fuck me and use me however you want."

"You don't even care what I do with you!?" Gyutaro laughed. "It's your cunt that's at stake! Don't you care at all what I do with it?"

"N-no I...I don't know just, just do it Gyutaro! You made me horny so I just want to feel you."

"You're so pathetic, but I love that you're that slutty! Could you be more of a needy whore and less of an irritating bitch, cutie?"

⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢≫

You had only been dating Gyutaro for 6 months when he took you to a party you didn't want to go to, a fight in his room that ended in a night of sex. You two had sex very often but it was never like that night, that night was different, so different that it made everything inside you spin as if your stomach was the jar where all those butterflies slept and Gyutaro had shaken it hard. It was that night when you fell in love with him...

⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢≫

Tonight made you remember that specific night, you tried to remember all those feelings while Gyutaro fucked you.

That night Gyutaro drank too much, he was too drunk to walk on his own, much less ride his motorcycle back to his house with you. A tall blond with thick eyebrows went to the trouble of dropping you and Gyutaro off at his house and keeping his motorcycle at his house while Gyutaro could go pick it up. You put an arm around him behind his back and put his other arm over your shoulders trying to help him walk with all your might since Gyutaro was a very tall and heavy boy for you. Those seconds felt like hours until you finally managed to get him on the bed.

You thought if you should go home or stay with him, Ume would spend the night with some friends so if he needed something he wouldn't have anyone's help. It bothered you to see him so fucking drunk laughing and talking incoherently but something inside you didn't want to just leave him here to his fate in such a weak state so after rethinking it for a few minutes, you decided to stay with him tonight. You'd come up with an excuse later.

You took off your shoes to be more comfortable and went to the bathroom to wash your face to remove the makeup you were wearing. You returned to the room and saw that Gyutaro was awkwardly trying to get up without being able to do it so you went with him to make him stay down.

"Don't get up, the best thing for now is that you sleep...okay?" Your tone of voice was comforting, your priority now was for Gyutaro to fall asleep but you saw the clothes he was wearing and they didn't look very comfortable. He was wearing black combat boots, ripped jeans and a black hoodie and his hair was messier than usual so you had to do something for him. You went to his closet and pulled out an oversized t-shirt and baggy shorts, then went back to him and tried to change it so he could sleep better.

Gyutaro was lying on the bed on his back facing the ceiling so it wouldn't be that hard to change his clothes right? You climbed on the bed to sit next to him and take the edge of his sweatshirt to pull it up and carefully remove his arms but he moved a lot, you tried again and trying to lift his head you managed to remove the first one garment; his shirt was easier to remove but you had to unbutton his jeans because it was tucked into them. Now that you think about it you could have left him the same shirt and it made you feel silly but on the other hand that shirt was sweaty and dirty. You almost forgot about his shoes, you walked to his feet to untie his boots and take them off when he nearly made your heart jump out of your mouth in shock as he suddenly sat up.

You stood still, attentive to his reaction as you both stared into each other's eyes. You mentally cursed yourself for not putting a shirt on him yet because the look he was giving you wasn't right when added to his bare chest. A small silence filled the room until he was the first to speak.

"Why are you undressing me?"

"W-what?"

"Why are you stripping me naked? Were you thinking of taking advantage of me now, dirty girl?" he asked, his voice gruff and laughing like this was the funniest thing.

"No! O-of course not! I was just trying to-"

"You know you can do that without taking advantage of me being drunk, you know that right?...that means you like what we do even if you pretend otherwise. .." You didn't say anything, you just continued to untie his boots.

"I was just trying to change your clothes...the best thing for you now is that you sleep but you can't do it in these uncomfortable clothes." You didn't look at him, you continued doing your thing but he was silent.

Were you seriously doing this to help him? Didn't you have any other intention with him? Wouldn't you take advantage of his weakness at this moment to take revenge for everything he has done to you? He couldn't understand it, maybe it was because of his drunken state but you had left Gyutaro completely confused... and he liked that.

"Get up." He ordered you. He took off his shoes by his own and pulled your arm up to stand up.

Gyutaro pulled you closer to him and wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close to his chest and leaving you between his legs while he looked into your eyes. No one said anything, he just tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear and watched your face as if there was nothing else in the room but you. You let your hands rest on his shoulders and seeing how he shortened the distance between the two of you, you did nothing more than slowly close your eyes and you felt your lips on his. The kiss was different from all the ones you had experienced with him, it was slow, unhurried and soft; as if he wanted to get to know you more through it and make the minutes by your side eternal.

The moment you felt Gyutaro's hands traveling down your back under your clothes, you felt a warm sensation welling up from your chest that spread throughout your body, you climbed on top of him and sat on his lap hugging his hips with your legs without finishing the kiss. Gyutaro's physical weakness caused his back to fall on the bed and you remained sitting on him while he continued to kiss you. You knew what this would lead to so you let Gyutaro get rid of each of your clothes until you were left only in your underwear. Gyutaro decided it was time to go further, so changing position with you, he was on top of you, cornering you in his arms on the bed after getting rid of his jeans. His arms were strong and warm, in their midst you felt safe for the first time despite finding yourself in such a vulnerable moment where he could do whatever he wanted with you. Gyutaro's lips kissed yours over and over again without losing the sweetness of a while ago, he continued licking your neck and panting in your ear, marking your collarbones with hickeys and recording your aroma on his head while his hands massaged any part of your body they had the honor of touching. You closed your eyes and you were so immersed in this moment that you didn't notice when he took off your bra a while ago and now he was pulling your panties down and tossing them away.

Gyutaro contemplated your naked and fragile body under him between his legs as if you were one of the Wonders of the World, his plans to do many things with you today were still on but with a different and new twist for you. He couldn't wait any longer, he adhered to you burying his face between your neck and your shoulder to lick and mark you while taking your waist with one hand and leaving the best for the other. You flexed your knees so that he was better positioned on top of you and you almost screamed when you felt what he began to do. His index and middle fingers slid right in the middle of your wet slippery folds, rubbing up and down opening your labia to reveal your clit making you gasp. His fingers went up and down your slit, slowly introducing himself inside you, making you wet with more with each passing second. His movements were daring, however they continued to be slow and sensual, making you enjoy every touch inside your vagina, making you start to move your hips so that little by little he would slide his fingers inside your walls and reach your tight hole.

Wet sounds began to be heard as Gyutaro moved his fingers inside you, getting wet and slipping with your juices. You felt so hot, your nipples hardened and you began to moan wanting to feel more of him but suddenly you felt empty. You looked down and saw Gyutaro taking off his boxers to go to the next level. He took your hips with both hands wetting you a little with his fingers that he had inside you and began to rub his hard member between your folds, kneading your small and sore clit with him while he dedicated himself to kissing you again. His tongue went down to your neck and then to your breasts where he licked and sucked on your nipples to stimulate you even more, it drove you crazy to feel his length go over your folds. You felt like you couldn't wait any longer.

"A-Ah Gyutaro...I can't, I need to feel you...I want you inside me." You confessed, he looked at you, his look was a little lazy because of the alcohol.

He didn't say anything, he just clung to your hips and took the base of his cock to line up at your entrance and start giving little thrusts and strokes to your pussy until he was finally able to slide inside of you making you arch your back and moan his name in response to giving you that delicious feeling as you spread your legs wider for him.

You were so wet and open for him, it was hard even for yourself to recognize you at this moment. The first time you had sex with him you were so disgusted and scared but now your shame was gone and all you wanted was to be one with him tonight. Gyutaro's thrusts became so intense that he had to put your knees on his shoulders to fuck you properly.

"F-fuck babe-ah, how well you squeeze me aa-ah! Your little pussy squeezes me too good…fucking good.” Gyutaro moaned, picking up speed.

Your hands clung to Gyutaro's back as you felt how each of his thrusts was firmer than the last, the wet sounds increased in the room and you could clearly hear the bed springs rattling beneath you. Your body was shaking and sweating, you could feel every part of you getting wet and dripping with sweat just like Gyutaro. The atmosphere turned hot and the smell of alcohol that came from Gyutaro had stuck to the bottom of your nose. You swore you could feel Gyutaro's dick harden inside you and maybe you were right.

"A-aah! I'm gonna cum girl, I'm gonna cum, fucking cum right now babe."

Gyutaro hadn't finished speaking when you felt a warm sensation coming from a strong discharge inside you, he had cum but he kept moving even after his orgasm to overstimulate you and make you follow him soon. Gyutaro's orgasm gave you a unique feeling. Your pussy and the whole area between your legs felt so hot and wet not only from his fluids but also from sweat, it was a huge discharge so as he continued to move his seed began to seep through your folds forming a white ring around his cock even spilling out of you, you could feel it sticky and thick sliding down each of your vagina folds, making you feel slippery and soaking wet as you felt thick drops running down your thighs. That just made you imagine the mess below the two of you and a few minutes later, your wide open cunt pumped Gyutaro's dick tight as you cum on him too.

Your breaths were rough and after a few minutes you two both stopped moving. Gyutaro looked you straight in the eyes and was delighted to see that innocent blush on your face, he came closer to you and hugged you after returning your knees to their normal position. He cradled you in his arms and kissed your shoulders and chest while you stroked your fingers through his hair.

"Fuck, girl...i'm really in love with you...believe me."

That night, that night was unique because you hadn't just had sex with Gyutaro as usual. His drunkenness made him act differently and allow himself to open up properly to you and thanks to that, you experienced making love to Gyutaro for the first time.

No bribes.

No blackmail.

Without expecting something in return.

And that's where you realized that you were beginning to feel things for him too.

⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢⇢≫

You were face up on his bed, staring at the ceiling, naked under the sheets just like him. You looked to your left and watched as he now turned his back on you. You couldn't help but feel a lump in your throat for some reason, many things have happened since you met him but for some reason you felt more and more attached to him. You had had just sex now but something inside of you told you that he was still mad at you, that used to happen sometimes. You two would get angry, argue and in the middle of the fight he would kiss you to get some sex no matter if it was short or long but then he still didn't talk to you.

You turned around and put your arm around his back, getting closer to him and thus find out if he was still awake, you put your cheek against his back and you felt his slow breathing, you also heard his heartbeat. You sighed with some nostalgia and left a short kiss on his spine as you turned away from him also to sleep.

You still couldn't get to sleep well and as you did, a tear slipped from the bridge of your nose onto the pillow. He told you that time that he loved you, is he still doing it? That damn question gave you sleeplessness every night but you couldn't put it down, not now, not when you were deeply in love with every part of him.

A heavy sensation settled on your waist under the sheets getting closer to him to continue feeling your naked curves, you looked behind you out of the corner of your eye and saw how Gyutaro was sleeping peacefully, but still wanting you closer to him.

I am very sorry for my absence, I hope that this fic attempt makes up for my lack of activity. Btw, how are you? I'm fine, except that I just had the worst mistake of my life, can you guess? That's right, I think I have butterflies in my stomach for a guy...a real guy lmao 🥲 i wanna die lol

[surrogate-fawn]

The Purple Butterfly

((Drabble/Short story based on the backstory of a rp with @mittysins of Fawn's second surrogacy.))

{This drabble is Part 3 in a series of drabbles based on the story Mitty and I co-authored. This story will not make sense without reading the ones that come before it.}

[ Part 1 - The First Goodbye ]

[ Part 2 - Quartz and Sea Glass ]

[ Part 3 - Here! ]

Author's Note: A real-world initiative is mentioned in this story called The Purple Butterfly Project.

TW: Miscarriage, infertility, mentions of cancer, mentions of past abuse, pregnancy complications, past stillbirth/infant loss, grief and heavy emotional trauma.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Living with the Tariqs, I got to experience what it was like to be around a baby after it was born -- and every pounding headache that came with it. 

Suri was a little spitfire as soon as she hit the atmosphere, and if she was unhappy the whole house would know it. The farmhouse wasn't all that big, and the guest room where I slept ended up sharing a wall with the nursery. So, you can bet I got woken up each time her parents did. 

Those first couple nights, I would lay there in bed until Ray or Tess could stumble their way down the hall and quiet things down. Yeah, I wasn't very useful. I didn't have much of a choice, though. It was a miracle I could walk myself to the bathroom with how sore I was after Suri squirmed her way out of me. 

It wasn't just soreness from the waist-down, either. 

Being around a constantly crying newborn had an . . . unexpected effect on my body. After the birth of my son, aside from a little bit of colostrum, I had never produced breastmilk. I guess hearing Suri cry to be fed every few hours triggered something, because I suddenly had a full milk supply with nowhere to go. 

Luckily, the Tariqs had a home remedy for everything. A couple of wet washcloths over upturned bowls in the freezer made some conveniently-shaped ice packs. Without those puppies, it felt like my breasts were filled with molten lead. So, my hands were occupied most of the day. 

I felt guilty, watching either Ray or Tess get up from the couch to tend to their daughter while I was able to sit there with my hands on my boobs and continue watching TV.  

I wasn't Suri's parent, but the fact I was the one who got her there made me feel like I had to help out. 

Once I started to recover, that's exactly what I did. On a night when Suri refused to stop crying, I got up and poked my head through the cracked nursery door. 

Tess was there, looking exhausted and defeated as she held Suri on her shoulder. That baby had been screaming in her ear for at least half an hour. She jumped when she turned and saw me in the doorway. 

"Hi, Tess," I said with a sympathetic smile. 

"Hey, doll," Tess sighed, continuing to bounce Suri up and down while she paced the room. She spoke a little louder than she needed to, likely 'cause she couldn't hear herself think. "I'm sorry she woke 'ya. I got no idea what 'ta do." 

She sounded like she'd given up. This was how she was spending her night, and she'd resigned herself to it. 

I thought about waking Ray, but his paternity leave ended in the morning. He had to be up in a few hours for his civil engineering job. Even with what little I knew about salary work, I knew eight weeks of unpaid leave for a brand-new baby was bullshit. Ray would've taken the full twelve weeks, but the city was jumping down his throat about finishing the blueprints for an overpass project on-time. Tess was about to be left alone with a two-month-old for the sake of ten fewer minutes of traffic. That wasn't fair. 

"Tess, lemmie take her for a while," I said, walking into the room. "You need a break." 

"It's fine," Tess insisted. "She'll calm down . . . eventually." 

I held out my arms. "Tess. Give 'er." 

The purple bags under Tess's eyes made her look twice her age, and her pale yellow hair was a rat's nest hanging down her back. She was at her wit's end. "Okay." 

Suri weighed almost nothing as I settled her against my shoulder. It still amazed me how small babies were. They seemed so much smaller when you actually got to hold them. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked Suri. My ear started to ring as she wailed into it, her cries high-pitched and distressed. I started patting her back like I'd seen her parents do. "What's wrong, baby girl? What's got you so upset?" 

Tess collapsed into the glider in the corner of the nursery, her hands rubbing circles into her temples. "I've changed her. I've fed her. I've prayed over her. I've got no idea what my own baby needs!" 

"Well, I've got no idea, either," I shrugged, my toes digging into the soft sherpa rug by the crib. I continued patting Suri's back. Her feet were pressing against my chest, as if she were trying to pull herself upright. 

"But I'm supposed 'ta know!" Tess whimpered. She ran her fingers through the knots in her hair. "I'm her mama! Mamas are supposed 'ta know what 'ta do, but I can't even calm her down!" 

"You're not a bad mama, Tess," I said, offering her a smile -- despite the continued screaming in my ear. "Trust me, I know what a-." 

The screaming was cut short with a small 'gurk', and I froze when a wet glob of spit-up slithered down my back. 

". . . think I figured it out . . ." I said, my smile now pinched.  

Suri grumbled, and I carefully held her out in front of me. Her face was still red, but her expression was pure baby bliss -- milky spittle on her chin and all. 

"Did you have a tummy ache, baby girl?" I asked. "Is that what was wrong?" 

Tess shot up from the glider, sending it bumping into the wall. "Oh, Fawn, I am so sorry!" she said, taking her daughter out of my hands. She took the burp cloth off her shoulder, as if suddenly remembering it was there, and handed it to me. "Here, clean 'yaself up." 

"S'alright," I chuckled, cringing as I wiped up the gobby mess. "I've got other shirts. At least I got her to stop crying." 

Tess looked down at the baby in the crook of her arm, and then back up at me. "Wanna try a hand at gettin' her 'ta sleep?" 

Long story short, that's how I found my new job as the Tariq's live-in babysitter.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wasn't expecting to do surrogacy again, at least not for a long while. The Tariqs were paying me a decent wage for domestic work and were kind enough to not charge me rent -- so long as I was saving a certain amount of the money each week. The last post I ever made on the surrogate agency's forums was an announcement celebrating Suri's successful home birth. After that, I let my profile go dark.

Not only did hiring me allow the Tariqs to keep their promise of helping me on my feet, it also gave them an extra set of hands around the house while Ray was at work. Tess and I worked out a system where I would work on smaller tasks while she took care of the most pressing matters. If she was feeding Suri, I was cleaning the kitchen. If she was cooking dinner, I was changing a diaper. If she had to do yardwork, I was keeping Suri entertained.  

I learned to prepare formula, wash bottles, change diapers, and play peek-a-boo like a pro in no time. 

Bath time was always a tag-team effort, though. Suri was a splasher, and her favorite bath toy was a rubber turtle called "Squirta Turta", so we usually ended up as soaked as she was. 

When Suri was being weaned off formula, we made homemade baby food with the vegetables in the garden. Turns out, placenta makes a great fertilizer. I wondered if Mom had ever used it in her flower beds -- she'd had five of them to work with by the time all of us kids were born. I wished I could ask her. I wished I could ask her about a lot of things. I also wished Suri could eat her mashed squash without trying to wear the bowl as a hat, but I didn't get that wish, either. 

This was my life for two wonderfully chaos-filled years, and I was mostly content with it.

Mostly.

I wanted to go to college. That was always my plan for after high school, but . . . plans had obviously changed. My grades hadn't been anything to brag about, so I knew from the start I'd have to pay my own way through. I had two years' worth of savings, but I didn't want to dip into it, yet. That money was meant to be the down payment on a house someday. What would be the point of spending all my money on school if I'd be right back to square one afterward? That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to get my degree and start my life over -- I'd been waiting long enough.

After sitting down with Ray and breaking down the costs of school, I realized I barely had enough to pay for one term. There were some small scholarships I could apply for here and there, but I wasn't about to rely on winning them. There were hundreds of smarter students out there vying for the same pile of money. What chance did I have?

I mulled it over for several days without saying a word to anyone, but eventually I made up my mind. When I did, Tess was the first person I told:

"I'm gonna get pregnant again."

I announced it out of the blue as I was helping Tess with the after-dinner dishes. She was at the kitchen sink, washing. I was at the counter, drying.

The steel wool in her hand scraped to a halt. "Pardon?"

I hunched my shoulders a bit as I toweled off a plate. "I'm gonna find another couple that needs to 'rent a room'. It'll be able to pay for my degree. In full. All four years."

Tess continued washing, but she didn't acknowledge what I'd said at all.

"So . . . what do you think?" I prodded, setting stacks of dishes in the cabinet.

Tess grimaced into the soapy water, concentrating way too much on the pan she was scrubbing. "Shug, I dunno," she said. "Do 'ya really wanna do that 'ta 'yaself so soon?"

"Whatd'ya mean 'so soon'?" I scoffed. "Suri's up toddling around the house. Isn't that when most moms get pregnant again?"

"'Ya ain't a mom, yet, Fawn," Tess said, her tone lovingly blunt -- the tone that can only be learned by disciplining a toddler.

I flinched a little, but I crossed my arms over my chest to hide it. All she'd done was state a fact, but it still bit.

"I'd like to be," I mumbled. I gazed out the kitchen window and saw Ray out in the backyard with Suri. He was blowing bubbles, and she was reaching up to grab them with high-pitched screams of laughter. She chased them as they swooped lower to the ground, and then stomped on them with her tiny flip-flops when they touched the grass. "Someday."

"I know, doll. That's why I'm concerned." Tess set the pan on the drying rack. "Pregnancies are risky. Wouldn't 'ya rather have as few of 'em as possible?"

"I've had two and they went just fine," I said with a shrug. "I'm young, Tess! Isn't now the best time to use what I got? I can charge more, now that I've got experience. No student debt and money left over to save for a house! Trade nine months in exchange for the rest of my life? How could I pass that up?!"

Tess didn't say anything for a long time, she just dunked a chili pot in the dishwater and started scrubbing. I stood there in uncomfortable silence until she said:

"School can wait, 'ya know."

"No, it can't!" I protested.

"Ray and I can pay what 'ya need for classes when we start tryin' again," Tess said. "What on Earth's the point?"

"Point is," I huffed, leaning my hip against the counter, arms still crossed over my chest, "I'm almost twenty-four and I've got nothin' to show for it!"

"Fawn, 'ya gotta think about-."

"I'll still be able to help you guys out, Tess," I added. "Don't worry about that."

"It's not us I'm worryin' about," was her deadpan response.

It was frustrating as hell, but I wasn't too angry at her. I knew why she wasn't a fan of the idea.

The three of us had recently discussed growing their family in the future. The Tariqs wanted to wait until Suri was a little more independent before welcoming a second baby, so that plan was at least two more years out.

Following that conversation, we'd decided not to return to the surrogate agency we used the first time. The agency was helpful with the fine print and legal stuff, but the Tariqs had not been too thrilled to learn that a desperate, homeless, childless young woman had been allowed to become a surrogate of theirs.

"I can do it independently," I said, pleading my case. "I know how to be careful."

Tess turned to lock eyes with me. "Fawn . . . I just need 'ta know you're doin' it for the right reasons. I don't like the idea of 'ya going through all that for nothing but a stack'a cash."

"It's not just for money" I insisted. "I wouldn't go through it again for anyone, not even you guys, if I didn't find it meaningful."

Tess didn't seem any more at ease with my promises. "I just don't want 'ya health 'ta suffer. If 'ya do this, you're choosin' 'ta put 'ya body through a lot in such a short time."

I didn't argue. She was right. "I know."

Tess turned back to the sink, sighing while she rinsed out the pot. My toes curled inside my shoes.

"I want to help another couple while I still have the chance," I said, trying to justify my decision -- partially to myself. I could sense how strong Tess's disapproval was, and it was giving me serious second thoughts. "If I can't be a parent right now, I want to make it possible for other people to be parents. It makes the wait feel . . . less long."

Tess dried her hands on her long bohemian skirt and turned to gently hold my shoulders. "Doll, it's 'ya own choice. Ray and I can't stop 'ya from doin' whatever it is 'ya wanna do."

I nodded, my eyes cast down. I didn't need their permission, nor had I been asking for it, but some support would've been -- .

"Just know that we'll be here 'ta help 'ya," Tess continued. "Anything 'ya need, just ask. If you're gonna do this, I want 'ya as healthy and happy as possible."

I nodded again, this time with a smile on my face. "I'd appreciate that."

Tess wrapped me in a hug. "But please, shug," she added, patting my back, "don't put 'yaself through too much."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Easy there, doll. I've got'cha."

Tess held my curls back as I wretched into a blue emesis bag. I'd started growing my hair out in the months it took for this surrogacy to be arranged. I hadn't been thinking ahead.

I'd thought I was in the clear after I had to have Tess pull over on the highway so I could vomit up breakfast, but the antiseptic smell of the hospital kicked up my nausea again. I'd made it through the halls, but by the time I'd sat on the exam table my stomach had enough.

I choked on thick saliva and spit a mouthful of colorless bile into the bag. "Okay . . . okay, I'm good now," I spluttered as I lifted my head. I cinched the bag and handed it to the technician without looking them in the eye. "Sorry."

"Don't be," the tech laughed, "morning sickness is par for the course in here. I'll be right back, just make yourself comfortable." They dragged the privacy curtain closed behind them as they left the room.

Tess wet a paper towel in the hand sink for me. My skin was clammy and cold even before I wiped the towel across my face -- so I wasn't left feeling any better. My hands had a tremor so deep inside the tendons it registered as numbness. I raked my front teeth over my tongue to scrape away the acidic taste.

I hadn't really needed that blood test. I'd known the IVF had worked when I woke up clinging for dear life against the Earth's rotation. My head hadn't stopped spinning since, and it was two damn weeks later. The doctor overseeing my IVF had sent me in for a six-week ultrasound -- which was earlier than I'd ever had one done before -- because my hormone levels were "suspiciously high" this time around. Whatever that meant.

I'd been pumped full of fertility drugs like a chicken with GMOs for a solid four months by that point. No shit my hormones were off the charts, especially now that I was pregnant.

"It's never been this bad," I groaned, coughing on the burn in my throat.

"Yeah, that's why the doctor wants 'ya in here," Tess said with a chuckle.

"I hate it," I scowled. "I want the old morning sickness back."

"Each time is different," Tess said. "I had it once or twice before, but when I was pregnant with Ravi it never really went away." Any time Tess mentioned her angel baby, a little bit of the light left her eyes -- and I saw it happen again right there in that ultrasound room.

Tess helped me pull off my jeans and tucked my discarded underwear inside the back pocket for me. I covered my hips with the paper blanket just before the tech came back into the room.

"Looks like we're ready to start!" they chirped, taking their seat between me and the rolling ultrasound cart.

"Hang on a sec," I said, pulling up the FaceTime app on my phone. "The parents really wanna see the first ultrasound."

"Ah," the tech said with an understanding nod, "is this a surrogate situation?"

"My second time," I said with a proud grin. I pointed at Tess, who was folding my pants over the back of a chair. "I carried her baby first. Most amazing thing I've ever done."

Tess beamed at me. She was smiling, but the shadows on her face were a bit deeper than normal.

"Really now!" The tech exclaimed, keeping their peppy tone as they typed my info into the computer. "It's rare I see surrogate mothers as young as you. Bless your heart!"

"She's a trooper, that's for damn sure," Tess said, "but, God love 'er, she's been so sick."

"I'm sure your care provider can prescribe something for that at your follow-up ," the tech told me. "It won't feel this bad for much longer, sweetheart."

"It's worth it, though," I said. My phone bubbled with the ringtone of an outgoing video call. "These guys will be amazing dads."

The tech smiled at me. "I have such respect for traditional surrogates. That's a lot of sacrifice."

"Oh, no," I corrected them with a small hand wave. "This isn't traditional. These are the bio parents."

I hadn't willy-nilly accepted the first eager couple I'd found online. I'd put half a year's worth of thought into carrying this pregnancy. The Tariqs always gave me my birthday off, and I'd spent that entire day talking to prospective parents. I wanted to prove to them that I was taking this seriously; if I was doing this just for the money, I wouldn't have cared whose baby I carried. I wanted to vet my options and choose a couple that I well and truly felt honored in helping -- and the Gillespies were exactly that.

My phone screen flashed with a mixture of bright pixels before the video came into focus. An odd pair of men sat beside each other in what appeared to be either a kitchen or a dining room -- perhaps it served as both, they lived in a small condo. One was a tall, tanned athlete with a dark stubbly beard and a sculpted figure rippling beneath his loose-fitting tank top. That was Silas. The other was a willowy, ramen-haired man with thick blue octagon frames on his glasses and the quote, "It's only a passing thing, this shadow" from The Two Towers tattooed on his forearm. That was Owen.

"Hey, guys!" I said, holding my phone up and giving them a wave.

There was a slightly-too-long pause due to lag, but both guys lit up with smiles and greeted me in unison. I saw the tech looking at the screen from the corner of my eye. I could see the math trying to play out in their head.

"You don't mind if we record this, right?" Silas asked. They must've been watching from a tablet, because he reached his finger under the camera and swiped a few times as if he were checking a separate app. As he lifted his arm, a crescent of silvery scar tissue became visible from under his shirt.

I saw the tech look back to their computer with a subtle nod of their head. God love 'em, they must've been too nervous to ask.

"Go ahead! It's a special occasion," I said. "I'm gonna hand you over to Tess. We're about to start."

"Yay, Tess!" Owen said with a clap of excitement. He waved as I passed my phone over. "Hi, Tess! Where's Ray?"

"Hi, boys," Tess said with a soft grin. She adjusted herself to be closer to my side. "Ray's workin' from home today so he can watch our 'lil darlin'."

Of course the Tariqs had wanted to meet my new clients. They said it was because they wanted to vouch for me as a caring and capable surrogate; but I think it was mostly to judge the couple for themselves. The Gillespies had both Tess and Ray's number as my emergency contacts, which came in handy when they needed help with some legal paperwork.

Silas and Owen were my age, both of them twenty-four. They'd poured all their savings into the process of hiring a surrogate and had none left over for a lawyer. At the Tariq's behest, all three of us had stayed up late on a call to talk the Gillespies through the steps of writing a surrogacy contract. Silas and Owen seemed to hold a lot of respect for the Tariqs after that.

While Tess had the camera on her, I reclined on the table and put my feet in the stirrups. The paper blanket gave plenty of privacy -- which was good, because I didn't want my clients to see the long plastic wand the tech was prepping while it was in there doin' its thing. I'd never had a transvaginal ultrasound before, but apparently it was the only way to get a view of the Gillespies' baby so early.

I couldn't help but tense as I felt the rounded tip of the wand slip inside me like butter, aided by the warm jelly I was used to having on my belly. I could feel the blood flooding my face as the curved device slid under my public bone and pressed against a part of my anatomy that hadn't been reached in years -- though not for lack of trying, I had short fingers.

"Relax a little more, please," the tech said.

"Sorry . . . not used to this."

Don't judge me. I was living with my employers. The idea of one of them finding an adult toy in my room -- or worse, their daughter finding it -- made me shrivel.

I felt a subtle buzz inside my tissues when the device turned on. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Okay, let's have a look at that baby," the tech said as they began angling the wand.

Tess flipped the phone around so the dads could see the action. I saw Owen grip his husband's bicep and pull him closer. The room was silent for a moment while the technician moved the wand around my pelvis.

"Can we listen to the heartbeat?" Owen asked, hugging Silas's arm.

"Not yet," the tech said, eyes glued to the screen. "Their little heart is only a few cells big right now. It's too quiet to pick up, but we'll hear it in a few weeks."

Owen and Silas shared a grin. I could see their story written on their faces and in the way they looked at each other. They'd been dating since high school, the odd-ball pairing of bookworm and athlete. After graduation, a preemptive doctor's appointment before Silas started testosterone saved his life:

Cervical cancer, stage two. The doctors had no choice but to take everything, but Silas chose to freeze a few of his eggs before the surgery. He'd gotten into non-competitive bodybuilding to deal with the effects of chemo, and it'd been his favorite hobby since. Luckily, Silas had been cancer-free for years -- Owen had gotten his first and only tattoo in celebration.

Now that they were newlyweds, the Gillespies were choosing to start their family right away -- knowing the frozen eggs wouldn't last forever. We'd lost a lot of hope when most of the eggs didn't thaw right, meaning we only had one shot at this. The Gillespies were more than open to adoption, but . . . having a baby together was something they'd hoped for since before Silas's diagnosis.

I'd known I wanted to step up to the plate as soon as I heard their story. I was proud to be helping such a sweet pair of guys have their much-wanted family. When I saw the way they looked at each other in that moment -- the excitement and love of a dream finally coming true -- I secretly hoped doing this for them would grant me some sort of karmatic favor.

I hoped one day I'd share that same ecstatic smile with someone, for the same happy reason.

The tech hadn't said anything for a while. They kept moving the wand from side-to-side between my hips and squinting at the screen. They took several images, judging by how often they hit the same loud button on their keyboard. They hadn't even turned the screen around, yet. I couldn't wrap my head around the baby being so hard to find -- not with the ultrasound wand jammed so far up.

"Are they hiding from 'ya?" I asked with a joking lilt. Something was starting to sink inside my chest.

"No, I see them," the tech said. They squinted harder at the screen. "Just taking their picture for the doctor."

"That's a lot of pictures," Silas commented from my phone speaker.

"Well, I . . . just want to make sure," the tech said. Their keyboard clacked as they took another image.

It felt like I'd swallowed lead. "Sure of what?"

The tech finally tilted the screen so the rest of the room could see it. In the grey-and-white fuzz on the monitor, a round dark void was highlighted in a bright yellow square. Resting in the void was a blurry white bean with a small flutter in the curve of its shape.

"So, here's the gestational sac," the tech said, outlining the yellow square with their cursor. They circled the cursor over the fluttering movement. "That's baby's nice strong heartbeat right there." 

"Silas, oh my god!" I heard Owen cry. "Look! We made that!"

The tech turned the wand slightly and the image on the screen rolled to the left. The same black void and white bean slid into view, except now it was upside-down. The tech once again circled their cursor around the flutter. "And this is another nice strong heartbeat."

 "They have two hearts?!" I gasped in panic. I realized how stupid I sounded after it was too late. "Or is it . . . ?"

The tech flicked the wand from side-to-side, and each time they did a little black void with a bean remained on the screen. It took a few back-and-forths for me to realize those weren't two different angles of the same image.

"Holy shit . . ." I wheezed. My hand covered my throat, as if that would loosen the strangling tightness that was setting in. "Holy shit . . ."

“What? What’s wrong?” I heard Silas ask, his voice glitched and laggy.

“Boys, can ‘ya see?” Tess asked, holding my phone closer to the screen. “Can ‘ya see that?”

I wanted to turn my head and see the parents’ reaction, but I could not move my eyes from the ultrasound. The Gillespies were quiet for a minute as the tech continued to swivel the image from side-to-side.

“How many embryos did you transfer?” the tech asked.

“There were only two that made it,” Silas answered. I could sense the moment reality washed over him. “Wait . . . wait, are they both there?!”

“Yep,” Tess said. I have no idea what emotion was in her tone, but it had a glaze of forced excitement. “They both took root.”

“I can’t quite get an image of both of them,” the tech said. “I’m trying, but it looks like they’re on opposite walls of the uterus. That flipped one is way up there, too. They’re hanging onto the roof like a bat.”

“A bat bean,” Owen said. His voice was flat, like the quip was a reflex.

“So . . . twins, right?” Silas asked. “We’re having twins?”

“Congratulations!” the tech chirped.

My pulse was pounding under my hand. That lump of lead was sitting hard in my guts, right alongside those two tiny beans. Two. Two beans. Holy shit. Two.

Tess turned the phone towards me and I saw the moon-eyed shock on the Gillespies’ faces. “Fawn, honey?” Tess prodded. “Wanna say something? What’dya think?”

“I . . .” My saliva felt thick and hot in my mouth. My tongue fell numb and it nearly flopped down my throat as I shot up on the table, my legs still up in the stirrups. “I think I’m gonna be sick!”

Tess jumped for a trash can. She aimed the camera at her face while I loudly wretched in the background of my clients’ first family video.

“This explains a lot,” Tess told the fathers with a sheepish grin. “Two times the baby, two times the morning sickness.”

The Gillespeies were quiet for a while, an awkward pause with only the sounds of my suffering to fill the void.

“We’re having twins, Owen,” Silas finally said, just as I was pulling my face from the trash.

“Yeah . . . wow,” Owen’s voice answered.

I heard a subtle thumping from their end, like one of them was bouncing their leg. The tempo was frantic.

“What’s wrong, Owen?” Tess asked. She held the phone to be more level with her face. 

All I heard was a harsh sniffle.

“C’mere, you big softie,” I heard Silas say.

“Don’t cry, honeybun,” Tess said. “It's a blessing!"

“I’m happy!” Owen insisted over the phone. “I’m so happy!” His voice was muffled, like he was hiding his face in his husband’s shoulder. “This is . . . whew! This is overwhelming!”

“No kidding,” Silas said with a laugh.

“No fucking kidding,” I said with my head in the trash.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a few days for the shock to wear off. The anti-nausea pills cleared my head so I felt less like I was walking in a fever dream. Once that edge was taken off, it made reality slip in a little smoother. I was pregnant with twins. There were two little jellybeans inside me that would be two full-sized babies in eight months. That was fine. Yeah, that was fine. That had to be fine. If it wasn’t fine, I was going to start losing my mind! So, it was fine.

I mailed the printouts of the ultrasounds to the parents. They had the digital pictures I took, but those physical copies were what really mattered to them. The three of us had never met in person. They lived hundreds of miles away, in Michigan. They wouldn’t be flying down to Tennessee until it was nearing my due date, so any physical memento of their babies I could send to them was much appreciated.

I wanted the Gillespies to feel included in my pregnancy as much as possible, even if they couldn’t be with me in-person. Each week I’d take a picture of myself turned sideways in the bathroom mirror and sent it to them. I basically sent them the same picture four times in a row. There was nothing much to show except for the tummy flab I’d collected my first two times around the block. By week ten, though, I could feel that familiar little lump starting to form below my navel. I had slightly too much of a pooch for there to be any trace of a bump, though.

Almost three months in, I was surprised by how normal my pregnancy was – aside from the intense bouts of nausea I relied on my medicine for. I’d thought having twins inside me would up the difficulty level, but up to that point my life had changed very little. I still got up every day to housekeep and nanny for my allotted shift, and I did so with the same ease I did before. The only change was how much of an eye Tess kept on me. It was very annoying.

“Fawn, no!” Tess trotted up beside me and took hold of my hips. “‘Ya don’t need ‘ta be up there.”

“Stop it!” I gasped as the stack of plates in my hand jittered. “Don’t grab me like that if you don’t want me to fall!”

Tess gently pulled me down from the stepstool I’d been using to reach the cabinet. “I can take care of those,” she said, taking the stack of dishes.

“Jesus, you’d think these were your babies,” I muttered.

“It’s easy now, doll, but you’re not far off from those little ‘uns hittin’ a growth spurt.” Tess climbed the stepstool and I rolled my eyes behind her back at the oh-so-dangerous foot and a half of height she stood above. “I can go ahead and take over the chores ‘ya need help with.”

I shrugged, lifting my hands and then letting them slap down onto my thighs. “Alright. Want me to take over Suri while you handle the dishes?”

“Yes, and I’ll be wiping down the countertops and stove with bleach. So, I don’t want either of ‘ya in here until I say so.”

“Right. Grabbing snacks.”

Arms full of Cheerios, applesauce pouches and beef jerky, I joined Surinder in the living room. She was watching one of her preschooler shows on TV from inside her pop-up play tent. Her toys were strewn all over the floor – the living room had become her territory and she marked it with Duplo blocks and miniature plastic food. 

I bent over to start picking up and I grunted when the ligaments around my waist pulled tight. Tess was right about the babies, I hadn’t gotten round ligament pain so early before.

It wasn’t long before Suri crawled out of her tent and patted my leg to get my attention. “Fa! Fa!” she called my name until I turned around and acknowledged her.

“What is it, baby girl?”

“Go! . . . Go potty!”

“You gotta go potty? Okay, let’s go-oh!” I winced as I stooped to pick her up, my hands flying to my sides. There was that ligament pain again. I rubbed my hands into my lower belly, trying to work out the tension in my stretching muscles. “Let’s walk to the potty.”

I kept feeling that growing pain. I got a charlie horse in my back as I was helping Suri in the bathroom. That nerve-deep pain flared up in a ring around my hips as I sat down for dinner, but a slight adjustment in my posture made it nothing more than an annoyance. I went to bed that night safe in the knowledge I would wake up to another day of normalcy.

I woke up to my alarm, bright and early as always. I woke up to that ring of pain around my hips as I stretched out under the covers. I woke up to the sensation of wet fabric, something sticky plastered against the curve of my rear and up my lower back. I woke up to blood, both crusty brown and damp red, on my pajamas and sheets.

I woke up wanting to scream. Instead, I tip-toed past Suri’s nursery and padded down the hall to her parents’ room. I knocked once before opening the door. I was like a child needing to be comforted from a nightmare, appearing in the Tariq’s doorway and softly whispering their names until they stirred.

“Ray? Tess?” I leaned a little harder against the doorframe as I watched their silhouettes sit up in bed. “Can one of you drive me?”

Tess yawned. “Where, doll?”

“The ER.”

With the yank of a chain, Ray’s bedside lamp clicked to life. I didn’t need to scream. Tess did it for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray held my hand while we waited in the emergency room. I’d cleaned up and changed clothes – Ray had lent me a pair of his sweatpants, just in case I bled through my pad. All that remained of my pregnancy was sealed in a sandwich box on my lap. Tess suggested I take the large clump of blood and tissue I’d found in my underwear with me for the doctor to look at, but I hated holding that box knowing someone’s lost dream was inside.

Tess hadn’t come to the hospital with us. She stayed at the house until her parents arrived to take Suri for the day and then met us in the waiting room. I sat between them, resting my head on Tess’s shoulder while both of them wrapped an arm around me. We waited like that for over an hour.

Most of that day is a scrambled signal in my memory. There was a lot of waiting. A lot of fluorescent lights and white-beige walls. We watched TV together in the room they put me in, but I don’t remember what we watched. Only one memory of that ER visit is clear:

A nurse came in and confirmed what we already knew. They’d found the stringy prototype of a placenta in the tissue I’d passed, along with one of the gestational sacs. That was concerning, though. One. They’d only found one of the twins. There was a possibility I needed surgery, so they had to go in and see what was left. The Tariqs weren’t allowed to follow me as I was wheeled down to radiology.

The ultrasound room was dark and warm, the only light coming from the idle monitor of the computer. It was easy to close my eyes and drift into a trance as the tech smeared gel over my lower belly. I’d been scheduled for my next ultrasound in two weeks. I didn’t think I could handle seeing how empty I was.

“Did everything clear?” I asked, resting my hands over my sternum. Even if I didn’t want to see it, I still wanted to know if they were gonna have to scrape me out.

“I can’t say for certain until the doctor has a chance to look at these,” the tech said. “I’m just here to take pictures.”

I wished this was the same tech from my first ultrasound. I could’ve used their friendliness.

“I stopped cramping a while ago,” I said, “so hopefully it’s over.”

The tech rolled the wand up from my groin and I felt it press on the solid lump in the front of my hips. They were pressing hard – trying to get a good image, I assume – but eased off as they moved the wand just below my navel.

“Ope, no. Wait,” the tech said, “there’s the other one. Gosh, that one is way up there.”

Bat Bean. That’s what the Gillespies and I had been calling Baby B. We’d been calling Baby A “Jellybean”. I wondered what their real names would’ve been. My throat closed up and I had to stop wondering.

“Oh . . . my . . .” the tech said, nearly in a whisper. Then, much louder: “Well, hello there, little guy!”

“What?” I asked, opening one eye in hesitation.

I saw their face in the light of the monitor, saw the crescent moon of a smile below their reflective glasses. “It’s kicking!”

“What?!” 

My neck arched and suddenly I was staring at the high-def image of a grey gummy bear on the screen. Nubby limbs twitched as the oval-shaped body curled and uncurled, swimming around its bubble of fluid like a tiny fish. The bulbous head turned and I watched in utter amazement as Baby B’s whole body flipped over in a summersault.

The tech hit a key and a steady whop-whopa-whop-whopa played as a line of white peaks and valleys appeared below the image. “And we have a heartbeat!” they announced, all monotone gone from their demeanor.

I must’ve been in a state of shock, because my memory after that moment is almost entirely blank. I have a vague recollection of signing some paperwork and a surgeon standing over my bed, listing off possible side effects. I remember a needle going into my arm, and then my memory is a void.

My memory restarts at the point I woke up in the recovery ward. Please understand that before this point, I had never had any kind of knock-out juice. I’d never had surgery before. So, please don’t make fun of me when I admit that I woke up crying. My vision was blurry, my head was in a vice, my anti-nausea medication had worn off, and it felt like I had a cactus in my vagina. 

I saw a silhouette at my bedside, a woman’s silhouette with a ponytail of dirty-blonde hair. For a second, I thought my mom had forgiven me – I thought that someone, somehow, had reached her. I thought she cared enough to be worried about me. I reached out to her, craving to feel her hold me again. I felt horrible. I wanted my Mama to make it all better.

“M-om?” I mewled, my mouth slow and dry. 

I touched the woman’s arm, causing her to turn towards me. She wasn’t my mom – just a nurse who styled her hair the same way. “No, sorry. I’m not Mom,” she said softly. “She’s probably waiting for you outside.”

I knew she wasn’t. I felt more tears trail down my neck.

“Just lay back and try to wake up a little more,” the nurse told me, “then we’ll let your family come back and see you.”

I dipped in and out of a fugue state, gradually returning to reality as the drugs wore off. Although I couldn’t remember much before surgery, I was inately aware that my cervix had been sewn shut. There was no telling what had caused me to lose Baby A, but Baby B was still considered at-risk. Sealing the exit shut was the best bet to keep ‘em in there. The fact I was still pregnant at all after so much blood loss and cramping was miraculous. Just to be safe, they hooked my IV up to something that would stop my uterus from contracting. 

When I was awake enough to feel hungry and ask for food, the Tariqs were allowed to come sit with me in my cubicle of curtains. Tess sat on the side of my bed while Ray tried to nap in his chair. It’d been nearly twelve hours since we arrived at the hospital and we were all exhausted. I barely had the energy to lift spoonfuls of chicken noodle soup to my mouth. After I’d gotten some broth and crackers down my throat, and Tess and I had run out of small talk, Tess leaned in and wrapped her arms around me.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” she whispered into my ear. “I know what you’re feelin’, and it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

They weren’t empty words – far from it. Tess had been where I was time, after time, after time. Only, for her, it was worse – those lost children were her own. Then . . . there had been Ravi. I didn’t want to imagine how his loss had felt. Well . . . perhaps I could make a light comparison, but I at least knew my son was alive and well somewhere. I wrapped my arms around Tess in return, blinking back tears.

“No, Tess,” I said, my face covered by her long flaxen hair. It smelled like her mint shampoo. “I’m sorry you went through this so many times.”

Tess held me tighter.

“Have you told them?” I asked.

“No. We wanted ‘ta hear what the doctor said first,” Tess said. “Everything’s lookin’ okay with the baby right now, but he wants ‘ya on bedrest.”

“Can you . . . please call them for me? I don’t want to hear them . . .”

“I will,” Tess said, patting my back. “I’ll go outside and let them know.”

“If they ask which one it was . . .” I sniffled and choked back a small sob. “. . . tell them we lost Jellybean.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I continued to send the Gillespies bumpdates every week. I never missed a single one. I continued mailing them printouts of their baby’s ultrasounds. We never talked or chatted about what happened, nor did we discuss medical updates about Bat Bean. For those, the Gillespies waited for either Ray or Tess to contact them. I didn’t want them to associate me – the woman carrying their one and only child �� with talk of heartbreak and loss. I wanted Silas and Owen to be excited when they saw an email from me, not dread clicking on it. Ray and Tess stepped up to be the bearers of heavy news for us. My doctor had me going in for ultrasounds every two weeks, which meant a lot of baby pictures from me and a lot of medical updates from the Tariqs.

My stomach remained flat for quite a while, with just the slightest bump in my lower belly for weeks. But one morning, around fifteen weeks in, I swear I woke up looking like I’d swallowed a cantaloupe. I guess the baby had finally hit that growth spurt Tess had predicted.

His name was Milo Bennet Gillespie. Silas and Owen named him shortly after we discovered he was going to be a boy. Owen was a fan of classic books who worked at Barnes & Noble, so I had no doubt he was the one to choose the middle name. Sometimes we playfully referred to Milo as “Bat Bean”, but that nickname faded out in favor of his real name. I worried over him – a lot. I bought a home doppler online so I could check if his heart was beating. Whenever I noticed he hadn’t moved for a while, I would pull up my shirt and rub the doppler on my bump until I heard the whoosh of his pulse. The doctors kept saying everything was looking good with him, but I worried.

I was essentially given leave of my housekeeper duties until Milo was done cooking. The doctor wanted me off my feet, so I spent most of my days on the couch watching cartoons with Suri. She was observant enough to ask about my big belly in her two-word-sentence manner. Unsure how to explain the situation, I told her there was a small person living in my stomach and that his name was Milo. I even took her tiny hand and let her feel where Milo was wiggling around. She didn’t like that very much, it freaked her out and she ran to her mother. I didn’t want her to get excited for a baby that wouldn’t be coming home with me. That wouldn’t be fair to her . . . or to me. 

It wasn’t the best experience, being pregnant without the baby’s parents there. When I was growing Suri, her parents were there with me at every doctor’s visit. They took me on day trips just for fun and to make sure I had enough to eat. They were able to put their hands on my belly to feel their daughter kick, and put their lips close to my skin so she could hear their voices. Milo didn’t have that. His daddies were hundreds of miles away. They’d never felt him squirm around, only I had. He’d never heard their voices close-up, just over the phone . . . maybe. The clearest voice he’d ever heard was mine . . . and my voice wasn’t going to follow him home.

Although I had the Tariqs there to support me and love me, I felt alone in my pregnancy. Milo was just a little visitor in the household – we had no toys or bedding or bottles for him, all of that was with his fathers. After he was born, no one would mention him – his future didn’t involve us at all. I was the closest thing to a mother Milo would ever have . . . and I wasn’t going to be a part of his life. 

It was an experience I’d had before, with the last baby boy I’d held under my heart.

It took a toll. It really took a toll.

Before I knew it, I’d blown up big as a barn. I no longer had a lap when I sat down, my belly nearly reaching my knees. Milo was a big boy – the doctor estimated he was around nine pounds – and he was squishing all the fluid in my body into my lower half. My legs were hot and heavy and my feet were too swollen for my shoes, so I shuffled between the bathroom, kitchen and couch in flip-flops. God, I hated being on my feet. I spent my days either dicking around on my laptop – using my belly as a desk – or watching TV while sprawled out on the couch. 

Surinder got really upset with me one day, when I refused to play tag with her. Ray and Tess were very mindful of how much Suri “bothered” me, but I never considered it bothersome. I loved Suri, she was practically my niece. I was sure to let her know that I wanted to play with her, but my “belly buddy” was making me too tired. I made up for it with lots of hugs and kisses, and I promised that once I was feeling better we’d play tag as much as she wanted.

As soon as I hit thirty-seven weeks, I was on high alert. I’d warned my doctor that I delivered before my due date at least once before, but he wanted to keep Milo in there until he was full-term. So, he refused to remove my stitches. As miserable as I was, I agreed. I wanted Milo to bulk up as much as he could, even if it added to my discomfort. If I could give Silas and Owen a perfect, healthy baby . . . maybe it would make up for what happened. 

My body had failed one of their babies – and so help me God I was gonna force it to nurture the other! I was determined! I would make it to forty weeks!

Yet, I would not.

I pulled myself off the couch one afternoon to grab a snack and my knees almost folded. I leaned against the arm of the couch as a deep downward motion slid over my organs. My lungs were slowly relieved of their crushing burden and they eagerly filled to their maximum. I lifted the weight of my belly with one desperate hand because I had a blaring instinct about what was happening.

“Milo, don’t you dare!” I muttered under my breath.

Like a Duplo block clicking into place, Milo’s head slipped into my hips. My belly visibly dropped, I felt it shift to hit heavier in my hand. Almost immediately, I felt the baby’s heft sitting directly on my sutured cervix. I groaned and pressed my thighs together. The pain throbbed between my legs, sharper than I’d ever felt.

“Hey, Ray?” I called, knowing he was upstairs in his office.

“Yeah?” his distant voice rumbled through the ceiling.

“Can you bring me my phone?” I called. “I need to call the doctor.”

A few minutes later, Ray thumped down the creaky stairs with my cellphone. He paused when he saw me leaning over the back of the sofa, kneeling with my thighs apart. “You okay?” he asked, handing me my phone.

“I need to call the doctor and tell him I need my stitches out, like . . . tomorrow,” I said, unlocking the screen. “Milo’s in my hips, he’s not gonna wait another two weeks.”

Ray rubbed my lower back, scratching his goatee in thought. “Is he going to wait until tomorrow? You’ve been having cramps, right?”

“Yeah, but they’re irregular as hell,” I said, putting the phone up to my ear. “I’ll be in labor soon, but not that soon.”

I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was so horribly wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Silas? Hi. Yeah, it’s Ray.”

“Fuck! Oh, fuck!”

“We have a situation. Fawn’s having contractions and you boys need to get on a plane right now.” Ray ground his knuckles into my back while I wailed face-down on my bed.

I gripped a bag of frozen peach slices in a towel between my thighs. My arms hugged all my pillows to my chest beneath me, and I buried my head between them to yell my way through this latest contraction. My belly was squeezed into a perfect sphere, peeking out from under my shirt as it hung down to my mattress. The contractions were actually pretty mild, all things considered. They didn’t hurt that bad at all. 

However! My body was forcing Milo down hard against my cervix. That pain was far, far worse than the contractions. His head was grinding against a closed exit, but the sheer force was spreading that exit open anyway. The baby was a battering ram and my cervix was a fortress door, splitting apart around its locks and bars with every slam. 

“Fuck, I want these stitches out!” I cried into my pillows. “I want them out!”

“Yeah . . . yeah, you can get a refund on the tickets you already bought,” Ray continued on the phone, and on my back. “I’ll book a room for you, don’t worry about that. Just focus on getting here. Bring an overnight bag for each of you and some basics for the baby. I’ll pick you up from the airport, don’t bother with an Uber.”

Tess walked into the room, a large duffel bag slung over her shoulder and her hair thrown into a messy bun. “Everything’s in the car,” she said. Her hand squeezed my shoulder until my posture relaxed and I lifted my head from the pillows. “You ready to go have a baby, ‘shug?”

I nodded. Tess helped me to my feet and I waddled down to the car doubled over and holding my belly up. Even without a contraction, the pry and pull on the strings holding my cervix closed was constant. My seam was literally about to pop. I had to recline the passenger seat as far as it could go so I could somewhat lie on my side. My contractions were regular, but very far apart; so, thank god, I didn’t have to deal with any while cramped in the car.

My chest tightened when we pulled into the hospital parking lot. I knew I’d be having the baby here. I’d prepared for it, but thinking about it was so different from doing it. Because of the complications with this pregnancy, I had no choice but to deliver in the same maternity ward I’d walked into years ago. I . . . didn’t like thinking about what I went through in that ward. 

Tess came around to my door to help haul me out, but I didn’t move. I stayed on my side, staring at the clouds hovering above the cars – they were painted with the summer sunset. 

“‘Ya want me ‘ta get a wheelchair?” Tess asked, leaning on the open car door.

“Yeah,” I sighed, resting my cheek on my hand. “Tess, I don’t wanna go in there. I wanna do this at home.”

Tess looked over her shoulder, scanning the hundreds of windows looming ten stories over us. “Me neither,” she said, then turned and hustled toward the hospital entrance.

At eleven-thirty that night, I found myself sitting on a birthing ball in a stagnant delivery room. The only light was the yellow wall lamp mounted over my bed – anything brighter and my head would pound. A monitor belt was pulled snug around my belly, leashing me to a gaggle of machines beside the bed. An IV bag of pitocin hung from a hooked pole beside me, the tubes trailing down to a needle taped in place on the back of my hand. 

I bounced on the ball, my hands braced on Tess’s knees while she sat on the side of the bed in front of me. I felt my torso squeeze and held my breath. The monitor beeped, registering a contraction.

“Blow the pain out,” Tess crooned, ghosting her fingertips up and down my arms.

I grabbed her knees and rotated my hips on the ball. A small “Ack!” bubbled up from my throat before I sucked air in through my nose and forced it out through pursed lips. I blew hard until my lungs went flat, then filled them again and continued the process. Salty water leaked from my shut eyelids and slid in thick droplets down my neck and back. I blew so I wouldn’t scream. I knew I could scream, but I didn’t want to come unglued only a few hours into active labor. Hell, my water hadn’t even broken yet. 

I could still be in control of myself, even if this birth was not going according to plan.

I was hoping labor would be smoother after the stitches were out, but they’d only caused more complications. I’d dilated quickly regardless of the sutures, already three centimeters open when the doctor snipped the strings. He’d gotten to me too late, though. The stitches had ripped small tears in my cervix as Milo’s head pulled them apart. The swelling was immense – within minutes I was sealed shut again and my labor stalled. Hence, the pitocin.

The pitocin hijacked my body, forcing it to crush inward on itself like a soda can in a hydraulic press – at a strength and speed beyond what felt natural. I had never felt labor this intensely! I would desperately cling to any self-control I had in that beige nightmare of a room.

“Mmmmh,” I hummed through my nose, my hip swivel morphing back into a bounce as the contraction eased.

“Good job,” Tess grinned at me. “You’re doin’ so good, Fawn.”

I moaned and leaned back, bracing my hands on my hips as I rode that birthing ball like a rodeo star. “Have they landed yet?”

“Doll, they ain’t on the plane yet,” Tess said. “The only direct flight they could book on such short notice leaves at one-fifteen. Ray’ll call us when they take off and when they land.”

“God,” I huffed, my chin falling onto my chest. “They gotta be here. They can’t miss this!”

“Everyone’s doin’ their best and that’s the only thing they can,” Tess said. “It’s only an hour flight. They’ll be here in time, don’tcha worry.”

My hair had grown past my shoulders during my pregnancy, and it was suffocating me. I lifted my auburn curls off my flushed neck to cool down. Tess watched me for a moment before pulling the elastic band from her hair. A cascade of blonde fell down her back, sun-bleached highlights vibrant even in the low light. Without a word she came ‘round and gathered my frizz into her hands. A few flicks of the wrist and she had my hair up in a damp, poofy bun.

Tess kneaded the back of my neck for a while. I rested against her, letting her work my muscles like dough. Milo kicked, causing a dull ‘thump’ on the doppler.

“Fawn,” Tess broke the silence, “there’s nothin’ wrong with askin’ for pain relief.”

“Don’t want it.”

“Doll, I can tell it’s hurtin’ like hell. You’re hooked up ‘ta stuff that could rocket a foal out’a ‘ya.”

“I’m. Fine.”

“Just ‘cause ‘ya managed before doesn’t mean-.”

“I don’t wanna be stuck in that bed!” I cried. “I don’t wanna lay there like a lame horse ‘til they strap me up in stirrups! I’m NOT doing that again!” 

I pulled away, using the bed’s railing to lift myself to my feet. My hand wrapped around to support my lower spine, exposed by the untied loops of my hospital gown. Tess picked up the absorbent pad on the birthing ball, folding it over to hide the bright spot of blood where I’d been sitting. I saw it, but it didn’t scare me – I knew it was from all the swelling. She retrieved the pink water cup from the table and let me drink from its straw.

“I had my baby here, too,” she finally spoke. She sat back down on the bed and smoothed her hand over the starchy sheets. “The beds feel the same.”

“Ravi was born here?” I rocked myself from foot-to-foot, holding onto the railing to keep steady. “I didn’t know that.”

“Four years ago as of January,” Tess said with a nod. “I was in here a few months before ‘ya, ‘shug. Who knows? Maybe they had us in the same room.”

God. Had it been four years already? I had a four-year-old somewhere out there and he had never seen my face. What toys did he like to play with? Did he watch the same preschooler shows that Suri and I watched together? What were his favorite foods? I wanted to know all of that. I wanted to know him! I wanted to know the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes, the texture of his hair . . . or his name.

A scar somewhere in my chest ripped open and I swear I could feel a black void pouring over my ribs like paint. I held my breath. Tears dripped from the tip of my nose and onto my belly. I was in so much pain, but not from labor. My soul was bleeding – the wound as raw as the day it was carved.

In my mind's eye, I saw myself reaching for my son as the doctor held him up. I saw my arms cradling his little naked body against my chest while he took his first breaths. I saw my lips pressing kisses into his bald, wrinkly scalp while my eyes cried phantom tears onto his skin.

None of that had happened at all – but it should have! I should have been given the chance to say goodbye – to look into his eyes and tell him how much I would always love him, even if he couldn’t see me. No, not even that. He should have stayed my baby! I should have gotten pregnant by a different man – a good man. I should have been on the pill instead of relying on his father’s cheap, oversized condoms that were probably expired. I should have fucked up my life less. I should have made a thousand better choices, so he could have stayed my baby!

I screamed along with the frantic beeping of the monitor, but all physical pain paled in comparison to the emotional. I’d cried through my heartbreak once before, but being back in that damn ward, in an identical room, brought all my grief pouring back out. Tears and liquid snot flowed down my face as I white-knuckled the bed’s railing to keep me upright. I gulped full lungs of air, only to wail and scream and sob until they were empty.

I think Tess knew my tears were from deeper down than they seemed. She leaned close and gently took hold of my contracting sides. Her palms rubbed large, soothing circles into my hardened womb. Her sympathetic eyes never left my face.

“Good girl,” she crooned. My eyes were blurry with salt water, but I thought the skin around her eyes looked red. “Scream it all out.”

“I want my baby, Tess!” I cried. “I . . .” my shoulders jerked with a sob, my diaphragm spasming from lack of air. “I n-never got to ho-hold him!” Another hiccup. “H-He’s going to think I . . . think I didn’t w-want him! But I . . . I wanted h-him so much!”

“Hushhh,” Tess shushed me. She wiped my face with the scratchy hospital blanket. “Hush now, doll. Calm ‘yaself down and get some air in.”

“Okay,” I nodded, still choking on sobs and panting for breath. “Okay . . . okay . . .” The awareness of the contraction began creeping into my brain. “Ohh . . . ohh . . . oh, shit!”

Blinded with tears, I threw my arm out to grab onto Tess. I balled her shirt collar in my hand and restarted my “blow the pain out” technique.

Tess continued massaging the sides of my belly, waiting to speak until she felt my muscles start to uncoil. “Are ‘ya sure you don’t want somethin’? I can call the nurse.”

I sniffled and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. Able to see again, I realized I hadn’t been wrong. Tess had been crying. My hand released her shirt, and my arm snaked around her shoulders to pull her into a hug.

“Tess . . . I just want you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three-thirty in the morning. We hadn’t heard anything from Ray, and even less from the Gillespies.

A nurse had been in to check me twice in the last hour. Milo was still in his comfy water balloon and that seemed to be cushioning him from the extra-strength contractions. I nearly started crying again when they told me his heart rate was fine and I could continue to labor on my own. With how damaged my cervix was – and how many liters of pitocin they’d given me – I’d been terrified of an emergency C-section.

By then I’d lost the use of my legs, but I refused to stay on the bed for more than a few minutes – usually just long enough to pull my knees back and let a nurse stick her fingers inside me. With the help of an orderly who’d come to swap out my IV bag, Tess had taken the mattress off the bed so I could have something soft to lie down on without feeling trapped.

I’d taken to half-lying on the floor with my arms and upper body resting on the birth ball. I couldn’t keep myself quiet during contractions any longer. Making low, rumbling noises like a cow in a ball gag was a must. It was how I was surviving. Between those moments, I was just tired. It was a relief that I couldn’t feel my cervix anymore, but that was likely because it had effaced. My eyes were heavy and full of grit, but the sixty-something seconds I had between contractions didn’t allow me to sleep.

At that point, I was beyond the mental capacity to worry about Silas and Owen. Milo and Tess were the only other people who existed in the world as transition’s brutal hand crushed me in its fist.

In hindsight, I think that’s why I didn’t panic when the pressure set in.

Tess was kneeling on pillows on the other side of the birthing ball, humming a lullaby to relax me between contractions. Her tune tapered to a halt when I shifted my hips, one leg pulling up to my side. “What’cha need, ‘shug?”

“I feel him.” I stated it like a bland fact.

My eyes were closed, but I felt Tess’s hand touch my shoulder. We’d already decided what we’d do if this happened before the Gillespies arrived.

“Alright, doll. It’s alright,” she crooned. “Lemmie come around.”

I heard the soft ‘pap pap pap’ of Tess’s socks traveling in an arch around me on the faux wood floor. Her weight settled on the mattress by my feet.

“Promise I won’t touch,” she said. “I’m just eyes.”

I grunted and rolled my leg outward to open my hips. Oh, I knew that pressure so well by that point. I knew better than to doubt my body. More pitocin mixed with my blood, drip-by-drip, through the needle in my hand. I wasn’t sure if someone should’ve removed it by then, but whatever. I was gonna use it to my advantage.

The monitor around my belly beeped. I pressed my toes down and pushed before I truly felt the pain. Milo kicked the doppler again, like he realized he was finally being evicted. After a solid ten seconds, I relaxed with a nasally whine.

“He’s coming, Tess.”

“I know, doll.” Tess gently nudged my foot to a more grounded position. “Soon as I see ‘im, I’ll call a nurse. Ain’t no one gonna put ‘ya in that bed, I’ll make sure’a that.”

I scooted up more into a half-squat, one arm draped over the ball and the other wrapping around my knee. Chin-to-chest, I used the rest of the contraction to bear down against the familiar sensation of a baby sliding down my passage. I took frequent breaths between my efforts so I wouldn’t get dizzy, panting a small “Uh . . . Uh . . . Uh” with each exhale.

I didn’t need to throw my all into pushing, the contractions were doing most of the work. Maybe that pitocin was a blessing in disguise – I don’t know if I had the energy to make progress without it. Five pushes in, and I felt my inner walls stretch around the baby. My quiet whines and grunts escalated into growls as the pain grew sharper, and I flowered open wider.

“Damn, he’s huge!” I moaned as I eased off my most recent push. Forget “Bat Bean”, the fucking Chicago Bean was coming out of me!

“Remember, you’re pushin’ out the sac, too,” Tess said.

I hugged my hiked-up leg closer to my side, teeth gnashing in my skull as my face turned purple with effort. “Ugh!” I released a small bark of pain during a brief pause, then spent the rest of the push with a low growl in my chest. 

My labia brushed the crease of my thigh, the skin bowing out and preparing to stretch. I felt the inner structure of my clit get crushed as the mass of the baby pressed its way down. It was something I’d felt before in the past during childbirth – but never to the extent that it fired electric shocks of nerve pain down both legs. My toes curled as a ghostly, stabbing pain assaulted the arches of my feet.

I relaxed against the ball with a loud huff of air. “Tess, rub the bottoms of my feet,” I begged, my head falling back against inflated rubber. Thank god she did it without question, I was too embarrassed to explain.

Two contractions later, I was mid-push when a gout of hot water splashed onto the mattress. My focus was broken by the release of pressure, and I leaned forward to peer over my belly. A saw an expanding area of wet sheets between my thighs, darkening the color of the mattress as more amniotic fluid drained from me.

“He’s makin’ his way out, doll!” Tess grabbed the blanket and bunched it up around my rear to soak up some of the mess. “You’re openin’ up!”

“Ahh!” The arm holding my knee in place flew down to pry open my leg, fingers pulling at the skin where my thigh met my groin. My body pushed for me and my perineum thinned out and spread over the head as it dropped past my tailbone. 

“Fuck, Tess!” I whined, vocal chords straining. “Fuck, he’s hurting me!”

“Take it slow,” Tess said, patting my thigh. “Let it stretch.”

I arched back against the ball as my lips bulged outward with the size of Milo’s head. The arm draped over the ball was numb, but it was the only thing keeping me upright. The room reverberated with a roar I didn’t realize was mine as I felt that all-too-familiar fire blaze to life. My entire world shrank down to that inferno between my legs. The only thought in my head was to push down into it. My fingertips migrated beneath me, pressing against the hellfire in my perineum as the flesh pulled dangerously tight. I was aware Tess got up from the floor, but I was blind and deaf to the world.

The ringing in my ears muffled the sound of the door bursting open. My eyes flew open in surprise as a gloved hand gently nudged my fingers aside and cupped my perineum. A scrubbed nurse knelt in front of me, a mask covering her face from the nose-down – but even then, her eyes smiled at me.

“Good job, Fawn!” the nurse praised me. “Baby’s crowning. You’re nearly done!”

I flinched when someone else took my leg and hiked it up to my side. It was Tess. I finally understood she must’ve run and got help. I thought I heard a cell phone ringing, but no one else reacted to it. I accepted the fact I was hallucinating.

I threw my arm around Tess’s waist, unaware my fingers were coated in blood, and held tight as I pushed again. I gasped deep and screamed as I felt myself make quick progress once the top of his head breached the air.

“Don’t stop, doll. He’s comin’,” Tess said, her lips brushing my scalp.

Sweat stung my eyes, so I kept them squeezed shut. My whole body trembled, my nerves going haywire as Milo surged forward with a massive, unstoppable push. I felt the little bump of his nose traveling through the pouch of my perineum.  The nurse palmed the crown of his head, trying to let me stretch easily over his brow.

A loud slam caused everyone to jump, and the bright light of the hallway sent a migraine through my skull. The nurse turned to scold the two men scrambling into the room, but Tess saved the day:

“They’re the parents!” she cried. “They’re stayin’!”

I couldn’t pay attention to anything going on around me. With a roar of effort, I bore down until I heard the wet little ‘shlip’ of Milo’s head pushing free into the nurse’s hand.

“Owen! Silas! Here, now!” Tess ordered.

I heard two more bodies thump to the ground beside the floor bed.

“We’re so sorry, Fawn!” I heard a familiar voice yell – a voice that belonged to a man I’d only ever heard through the static of a screen.

“Later, Owen!” Tess snapped. “Focus on your baby right now! Do not miss this!”

I didn’t care about anything – I knew this baby was on his way out right then and there! Nothing else in my mind or body would function until he’d made his journey earth-side! I clung to Tess, who pressed my leg back wider as Milo’s thick shoulders started to press out of me.

“Push, doll. Push on ‘im hard,” she encouraged me softly, her voice like warm honey.

The nurse began pulling down on the baby, forcing his shoulder to pry my public bone out of place to come through. I don’t quite know what the sound I made was, but it didn’t sound human. The nurse pulled upward, and . . . 

“And we have a baby!” the nurse cheered as Milo’s body gushed out onto the mattress. A small trickle of leftover fluid followed his feet.

“Holy shit.“ My whole body relaxed as soon as that relief came.

My eyelids slid open when I heard that little guy make the sweetest newborn cries I’d ever heard. For a big baby, he had a small voice. Thin, blonde baby down was plastered to his scalp, and even while he was all squished and blotchy I could tell he looked like Owen.

“Oh, look how sweet!” the nurse sing-songed while she toweled Milo dry. “Isn’t he a perfect little man?”

A second nurse mysteriously appeared in the background. I peeked around Tess and saw the extra nurse fanning Silas with a laminated paper while he sat slumped against the wall, looking dazed. Owen kept looking at his husband over his shoulder, but his attention was constantly pulled back to his son.

“Oh . . . hey, guys.” I sleepily waved to the fathers. “When did you get here?”

Owen glanced back at Silas, who was rubbing his forehead and seemed to be coming around. “Just in time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I flipped through the pictures in my phone while I rode home with Tess. Milo and I had stayed in the hospital for a few days for observation. I’d needed a few internal stitches (wow, real shocker there) and they just wanted to keep an eye on Milo because of his troublesome gestation. At first, there was a little bit of concern because of how lethargic he was – but his bloodwork was fine, so I guess he was just a sleepy lad. He wasn’t awake in any of the pictures the Gillespies and I had taken.

There were countless photos of Milo being snuggled by all of us. Ray and Suri had popped in to see me the morning after I gave birth – mostly for Suri’s sake, she’d woken up crying over not being able to find me at home. I had a picture from that morning of Tess holding Milo in the room’s armchair while Ray held Suri up so she could see what my “belly buddy” looked like. Suri somehow looked confused, disgusted and amazed all at once. My favorite picture was the one Tess had taken of me and the family together. I was sitting up in bed and holding Milo while Silas and Owen sat on either side of me. All of us – except Milo, who was asleep with a binky in his mouth – were smiling wide at the camera.

One of the first pictures in my album was of Milo swaddled like a burrito a few hours after he was born, fast asleep in the baby cot beside my bed. His name, weight and time of birth were written on a card taped above his head. Beside that card was the paper cutout of a purple butterfly. 

In Silas’s first picture with his miracle baby, he was pale as death but still smiling. He’d needed to sit down for a while after passing out, but he’d held his little boy nearly every minute in that chair. He’d held Milo while they performed his medical tests, only allowing the nurses to take him away for his first bath. In the picture I’d taken after that, Silas was gazing at Milo with all the love in his eyes that a father could give – and Milo was wrapped in a fresh blanket with an embroidered purple butterfly on the corner. The Gillespies had brought that blanket with them.

At first I’d thought the purple butterfly cutout was just a decoration choice the hospital had made; but when Milo’s first gift from his parents had the same image, I’d asked why it was showing up so often. Turns out, that hospital had adopted The Purple Butterfly Project – an initiative that offered support for patients who had lost a child in a set of multiples. The cutout on Milo’s cot was meant to celebrate the life of his “flown-away” twin, as well as make staff members and visitors aware that he was the wingless half of a pair. It took on the burden of explanation, so Silas and Owen could bond with their son without worry.

My phone buzzed with a new message from my clients. It was a selfie Owen had taken of himself and Silas at the airport, with Milo snug in a sling around Silas’s chest. The picture came with the message: “Thank you for blessing us so deeply! We hope the joy you’ve given us will be repaid – with interest! Milo is going to be showered with love every day of his life. You’re more than welcome to keep in touch with our family, Fawn. We’re happy to let you watch Milo grow up with us. Love, Owen and Silas.”

I locked my phone and sat it face-down in my lap. “Hey, Tess?” I asked, watching the road unfurl beyond the windshield as we traveled the rural roads. “When will it be my turn?”

Tess glanced at me. “For what?”

“Being happy,” I deadpanned. “I’ve made three different families happy. You and Ray, the Gillespies . . . and my son’s parents. I just wanna know when my turn is.”

The rest of the car ride passed in total silence. When we parked in front of the farmhouse, Tess turned to look at me while she unbuckled her seatbelt.

“Doll, there’s somethin’ I want ‘ya ‘ta see.”

Going upstairs was a herculean task with how stiff and full-body sore I was, but Tess held my hand and walked with me step-by-step. She brought me into the master bedroom and sat me down on her side of the bed. Tess opened her bedside drawer and pulled out a wooden box that was roughly the size of a checkerboard. She plopped down beside me and stared at the box in her lap for a moment before saying:

“I haven’t opened this since we brought it home. I couldn’t. But . . . I think now’s the time.”

I watched as Tess lifted the lid of the box, revealing a carefully folded fleece blanket with pastel stars printed on it.

“What is it?” I asked.

Tess lovingly took the small blanket in her hands and began unfolding it. Beneath the layers of fabric was a blue crystalline teddy bear sculpture holding a silver heart between its paws. Tess picked up the bear and held it in her palm – that’s how small it was.

“This is Ravi,” she said.

Once light hit the silver heart at a different angle, I saw the engraving on it: “Ravi Idris Tariq”, with a single date underneath. Tess turned the bear over in her hands so I could see the second engraving on its back: “I carried you every second of your life.”

“I wrapped ‘im in his blanket,” Tess said, her thumb stroking the bear urn’s head. “It made it feel more like I was puttin’ him down ‘ta sleep instead’a . . . y’know.”

I was too stunned to speak.

Tess set the baby blanket in the box and – tiny urn still in-hand – got up and walked to her closet. A quick rummage, and she returned with a different fleece blanket. This one was pastel rainbow colored and was covered in white stars, an inverse of the other.

“These came as a set,” Tess said. “We donated everythin’ he never got to use, except for this. This one’s special.” She rubbed the blanket on her cheek. “I prayed over this one. I asked Mother Gaia ‘ta allow my baby’s spirit ‘ta be linked to this earthly object, so that I could hold it and it would be the same as holdin’ him.”

Tess re-joined me on the side of the bed, clutching Ravi’s urn to her heart while she cuddled and kissed the rainbow blanket. “I still miss ‘im. I miss ‘im a lot,” she said. “Having this connection to him helps.”

After a minute, Tess set both blankets and the urn inside the wooden box. Then, she took my hands into her own. 

“Neither of us got ‘ta hold our little boys,” she said. “Mine was already in the arms of Mother Gaia, and yours was in the arms of his mama before you had the chance. That’s what’cha told us, right?”

I nodded, silent and enraptured. Tess smiled at me.

“Well, when you’re feelin’ more ‘yaself, I’ll teach ‘ya how to use my sewin’ machine,” she said, giving my hands a gentle squeeze. “You’ll pick out the fabric and you’ll make a baby blanket. That’ll be his baby blanket, ain’t no one else’s. I’ll ask Mother Gaia ‘ta bless it for ‘ya. When you feel all that love buildin’ up with nowhere to go, hold it. Hold your baby. He’ll be able to feel it, no matter where he is.”

I returned her smile, but my throat was almost too tight for me to speak. “I’d like that.”

We made a small shrine for Ravi’s urn on the mantle that night. Ray and Tess had Suri help set it up, explaining the existence of her elder brother to her in a way she would understand:

“Mama had a baby in her belly just like Fawn did,” Ray said, lifting Suri up so she could drop a few cut flowers from the garden beside the tiny blue bear. “That was before you were born. You were just a twinkle in Mama’s eye back then.”

“Where the baby?” Suri asked as her father plopped her back down.

“This is the baby,” Tess said, tapping on the silver heart between the bear’s paws. “He had ‘ta go back ‘ta Mother Gaia while he was still in my belly. This is where his body sleeps.”

I lit a few jarred candles and placed them on the mantle. From my back pocket, I pulled out the laminated purple butterfly cutout that had been taped to Milo’ cot at the hospital. I placed it upright against the mantle wall, so that two purple wings appeared to be sprouting from Ravi’s bear.

It wasn’t my turn to be happy, yet. I had a long way to go before I could start making my own dreams come true. Maybe school could wait a while. Maybe the money I’d earned throughout my surrogacy could be put to better use.

Maybe I was sick of staying on the path my own stupid choices had led me down. Maybe it was time I started making the choices I’d wished I’d made earlier.

I was tired of living in the shadow of grief Alexander had cast over my life. I’d lost everything because of him . . .

. . . but I was ready to start taking it back.

~ END ~

[xoxoavenger]

In a Frame on the Highest Shelf

pairing: Steve Harrington x SingleMom!Reader

summary: James is getting smarter and Steve and Y/N are getting more comfortable with each other

word count: 2557

warnings: some self deprecating thoughts but they are assuaged

notes: big thank you to @ilovegerardwayd34d for having the perfect idea for the next part

previous part series masterlist

birthday celebration main masterlist

Their relationship is interesting, to say the least, after the party.

They don't change their daily life, except now Steve sleeps in the bed with Y/N. She hadn't known that his back was hurting, had felt bad when he popped it the first night in bed with a deep sigh and mentioned how much more comfortable it was. She had begun to apologize, but he told her to stop talking and took her into his arms. They both slept better in the bed together, James in the crib next to them.

Y/N realizes she made the right decision when she wakes up in the middle of the night to Steve not in the bed, instead laying on the ground with an arm in James' crib. Y/N knows this well, that usually James can't go back to bed without some sort of physical contact, and usually takes James into her bed. She thinks maybe Steve was worried about co-sleeping, which is kind of endearing, and she grabs her camera as quietly as she can. The flash is bright, but Steve just takes a sharp breath and rolls a bit.

"Steve," Y/N whispers, putting the photo and the camera down. She reaches over to shake his shoulder, because she doesn't want his back hurting even more. "Come back to bed." She watches as he unravels himself from James, who squirms before going back to sleep. She watches him for a moment, makes sure everything's okay, and then helps Steve back up onto her bed - or their bed? Could she call it their bed now?

"James woke up." Steve mutters, and Y/N looks at the clock. It's early in the morning, but early enough to go back to sleep. The perfect time.

"You did great." Y/N told him, kissing his cheek before laying against his chest. It's her favorite pillow, and Steve doesn't mind because he likes her pillow more than the spare one.

"Mhm." He nods, pulling her closer and pressing his lips to her forehead in a loose version of a kiss.

This life is perfect.

Until it comes crashing down and suddenly Y/N is at her lowest, lower than when she first found out about being pregnant.

It starts with James crying, and Y/N realizes pretty quickly he has a fever. She calls out of work, not able to leave his side. Steve picks up on the house chores, which makes Y/N almost melt if she had the bandwidth to care about anything but her baby. He washes the dishes, takes out the trash, does the grocery shopping and makes food. She lets him feed her while she rocks James the few times he's actually asleep.

"Today is day three." Steve tells her, and she just nods. If she looked up, she'd notice he has dark circles under his eyes that almost match hers, but she is too busy watching the rise and fall of James' chest. His mouth is open, nose stuffed. 

She is terrified.

"I should take him to the hospital." She says, about to cry herself. She's so tired, and she would do anything to take this pain away from her baby. She doesn't understand what happened, because they hadn't been around anyone who was sick. She had always been so careful, never wanting to cause her baby harm. This had to be her fault. She must have missed something.  

"I can drive you. We can go now if you want." Steve offers, and nods, starting to stand. She'll go in these stained, old, gross clothes, and she hopes there's something quick that can be done to help James.

"Yeah, let's go," She stops talking because James is shaking in her arms, eyes rolled back. "Steve," She has no idea what do, and she knows Steve won't either but her mind can't think.

"Let's go to the hospital now, come on." Steve seems freaked out, scared like Y/N but able to keep himself calm.

"What's going on?" She starts crying, holding James as tight as possible. He stops shaking, but her heart doesn't calm down. She wants to throw up and scream and somehow trade places with James. She feels so helpless, holding her baby as he breathes deeply through his mouth.

"We're gonna be okay," Steve leads her out, both of them without shoes. Y/N doesn't even have socks, but she can't feel the dead grass under her feet, only her baby in her arms. Steve helps her into his car before he runs around to his side, sliding in and starting the car as quick as possible.

"I think he's okay now, I don't know what happened." Y/N can't tear her eyes away from James, who is crying now. She doesn't want to put him in his carseat, even as Steve speeds out of the trailer park and onto the road. He's safe in her arms.

Luckily, the hospital isn't that far, and they pull up in record time. Y/N hops out of the car, looking over at Steve.

"I'll go park the car. I'll find you. Go!" That's all she needs, shutting the door and running into the ER.

~

Y/N lays in the hospital bed, James laying next to her sleeping. They've given him medication, told Y/N the seizure was only because of his fever and that they'll give him medicine but he'll get better eventaully.

None of that made Y/N feel okay.

Steve sits in the chair in the corner of the room, arms crossed as he watched Y/N smooth James' hair. She felt guilty that he was here, for pulling him into this whole mess. She felt her throat begin to tighten.

"I'm sorry." She whispers, looking up and over at him. He furrows his brows as tears begin to fall down her cheeks. "You can go home if you want." She doesn't even know what her words are supposed to mean.

"Hey," He gets up off the chair and moves to the bed, resting his arms on it to be close to her. "It's okay. Everything is alright. James is okay, it was just a scare. We are okay." He grabs her hand, and it breaks her. She starts crying harder, and then Steve gets on the bed, holding her around James just like he did the night they first kissed. That night wasn't that long ago, but Y/N thinks it might as well have been years.

"This is all my fault." She says quietly, shaking as the sobs rack her body. "I'm a terrible mom and a terrible friend." She tells him, and she truly means it. What kind of mother lets her kid get this sick? 

"You're an amazing mother. The best I've ever seen. And a great friend. I'm not just saying that." Steve struggles to get out, not sure what to say. 

"But ever since I came into your life, all I've done is mess everything up." She whispers, sniffling and trying not to wake James up. "Your parents kicked you out, Steve. And I have a baby. You shouldn't have to take care of him when I can't." She cries softly. Her eyes are closed, and nothing happens for a moment.

Then Steve reaches out and wipes her tears.

His hands are soft against her cheeks, and she keeps her eyes closed so she doesn't ruin it. They breathe silently, and she sniffles back her tears until Steve has dried her face.

"I wanted to leave." He whispers, and she finally looks at him. His eyes look sad in a way she hasn't seen before, even though they've had the discussion of him leaving his parents house multiple times. "My dad was a terrible father. And my mom wasn't much better. Before recently I didn't understand how parents were supposed to be. But you've taught me what to do. I know today was scary. But you can't push me away now. I'm staying because I chose to, not because I don't have another option."

She wants to say she loves him, but it feels like it's too much, so she reaches over and kisses him, James in the middle, just like their first kiss. She thinks it may be her favorite way to kiss ever.

"When we get home, our home, I'll go get groceries and make dinner while you clean the house and James naps. We'll get our shit together." He rubs her back and kisses her forehead.

"Stit?" James grumbles, because of course he had woken up, and Y/N glares at Steve.

"I'll get ice cream on the way too."

~

"So, what are you doing for Steve's birthday?" Robin asks. It's been a couple weeks since James went to the hospital, and he's feeling much better now, so Y/N and Steve were both excited to finally see the rest of the group. The adults are all at Eddie's, the kids at Y/N's. The doors are open at both, and Y/N is standing on the porch watching to make sure James is alright even though Max assures Y/N she's watched babies younger than James.

Y/N told Max she's more worried about Dustin.

"Steve's birthday?" Y/N repeats, pulling her gin and tonic from her lips. She hadn't heard anything from Steve about his birthday, which made her realize she didn't know when Steve's birthday was.

Check in the bad girlfriend column. 

"Yeah?" Robin asks, sipping her drink with a smile. "It's next Monday. I thought you would have plans, since he hasn't told me any." Y/N's heart drops.

"Monday?" She whispers, turning to look at Steve. He's laughing with Eddie, beers in their hands. Y/N feels the need to smoke a cigarette.

"Did Steve not tell you his birthday?" Robin asks, and Y/N shakes her head, walking inside. Robin calls after her, but she pretends like she doesn't hear, downing her drink and setting the cup down on a table. She knows where Eddie keeps her cigarettes, so she walks past everyone and into the kitchen, grabbing a cigarette and walking out to the small porch.

Steve didn't tell her his birthday.

Why didn't he tell her? They've had a busy month, sure,  but his birthday is important. Not everything can be about her all the time. She feels like shit.

"What's goin' on?" Steve is suddenly behind her, hand on her back as he stands close to her. She looks over at him sadly, handing him the cigarette. Every time she's had one, she shares it with him when he's around. She lets him take a long drag, and then she turns to him. She feels his hand move from her beck to her hip, and she tries not to let it distract her.

"Why didn't you tell me your birthday is in a couple days?" She asks, not breaking eye contact. To his credit, Steve doesn't try and act like he doesn't know what she's talking about. He doesn't look around and try to figure out an excuse. He keeps staring, even as he sighs. 

"James was in the hospital a couple weeks ago and we just got back to normal. I didn't want to stress you out and I knew you would want to do something." He tells her, taking another drag from the cigarette.

"Because I care." She whispers, putting a hand on her on his chest. "We're all okay now, we can celebrate your birthday." She puts the other hand on his face, rubbing her thumb across his face.

"We don't have to." He tells her, putting the cigarette out and letting his other hand fall to her waist.

"Steve, come on. It's your birthday." She's sure his parents always belittled his birthday, so she wants to make sure he has an actual birthday party. "Tell me what you wanna do, and I'll take care of it." She leans against him, trying to get him to agree, but he shakes his head.

"I just want-" He doesn't tell her what he wants, because all the sudden the kids are all screaming. Y/N and Steve only make it half way across the grass when Dustin appears, holding two pictures in one hand and James in the other arm. Max and Lucas pop up on the other side, and they all clamber out of the trailer.

"What happened?" Y/N asks as she meets them, taking James into her own arms. Dustin lets her, but his face has a wide smile that matches the other kids, all of which who have started piling out. James seems to be fine, happy even with all the yelling.

"Watch this!" Lucas yells. Y/N expects James to startle, but he must be used to the noise because he squeals.

"We were trying to teach James our names, and then we were quizzing him on yours," Max starts, pointing at the pictures. The first is Y/N in the hospital with James right after she gave birth. A nurse had taken the picture, and it was the only one she had with both of them for months. She smiles at the picture. "Who's that?" Max points at Y/N, and James kicks his legs into Y/N.

"Mama!" He squeals, and Y/N kisses his forehead. He's been saying 'mama' for months, but it's still cute.

"Who's this, James?" Dustin asks as he moves the pictures to reveal the first picture of James and Steve; the one of James on Steve's chest. James looks so young Y/N wants to cry, even though it was just a couple months ago. She's studying the picture so closely she doesn't realize what James says.

"Dada!"

Everyone is quiet, heads snapping to Steve. Y/N's jaw drops as James continues to babble "dadada" and then wiggles to get out of her arms. She lets him down to the ground, her mind racing. Of course Steve being in James' life would be amazing, but she hasn't talked to Steve about this. They've been so busy, she's honestly forgotten about it. She watches as James toddles over to Steve, grabbing the leg of his pants.

"Dada?" He asks, and it breaks Y/N's heart. She can't ask Steve for this. She knows he said he chose this, but he can't say that he honestly chose an entire lifetime. She wants to know how James knew what that means, but clearly her son knows who it should be associated with.

"Steve," She starts, not sure if she should pick up James or not. She watches as Steve reaches down and grabs James up, turning so his back is to the kids and James can see them all. He's facing Y/N as the kids start to scream in happiness. Y/N watches as Steve clutches James, tears starting to leak from his eyes. She can see how much this means to him, and she doesn't want to take this moment from him. But he reaches a hand out blindly for her and she doesn't waste a second taking it. He pulls her in tightly, James in between them, just like it always is.

"I love you." She tells him, looking at him. She watches him blink some tears away, then kiss her softly.

"I love you both." He whispers, hanging on even tighter. She slots her head into his neck and keeps her arms around him. "So much."

Someone takes a picture, and Y/N knows it's going to be in a frame on the highest shelf for the rest of her life.

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler @sadbitchfangirl @gloryekaterina  @alexshaff2002 @m-rae23 @icequeen1371 @mcueveryday  @parkershoco @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @peculiarwren @kenzi-woycehoski @multifandom-boss-bitch @freezaz123 @mads-weasley @johnricharddeacy @sweetdreamsshifter @param8re @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @wish-upon-a-star-1310 @fangisms @alicetweven @damon-loves-pie @gaysludge @l0v3e1i  @luvrsbian  @zulpix-blog @scarletwitchwhore @taylortheyellowlobster  @ash5monster01 @nix-rose @param8re @loving-and-dreaming

[strwbmei]

I was thinking about it the other day; Silver Wolf with a housepartner(?) s/o.

Wolf is, being nice, messy. With you, she genuinely believes you were sent by the Aeons. Her clothes are basically shining, her stomach is full of food she'd never even DREAM of eating, and what do you do?

"Oh, thank you, Wolfie~!"

She feels bad; she swears, if you're even SLIGHTLY proficient at video games, she's going to ride you into the sunset.

Provided, of course, you're probably a service top. Ack!

(I like you *gives you wholesome* /lh)

This is oddly wholesome and cute. I like it.

'Messy' is a very generous way to describe Silverwolf's living conditions. Somehow, every time you head out to buy groceries (Silverwolf says you should just stay in with her and order takeout online, but you insist that it'll give you more ease of mind if you're the one preparing her meals), you'll come back to the place absolutely trashed with clothes and cans of soda littered all over the place. Rather than getting upset, you're honestly just impressed.

She definitely feels bad about always making you clean up her mess, which comes with the fear that you'll get tired of her one day; so she shows her appreciation by being very clingy and cuddly with you whenever her focus isn't on a game. It's honestly a miracle that you've not once gotten angry at Silverwolf, still treating her so kindly and looking down at her with the most gentle and sincere smile no matter the amount of "inconveniences" she's caused you. Quotation marks on "inconveniences" because you can't help but want to take care of Silverwolf and make sure she's happy and healthy.

Still, she doesn't completely understand that. Poor Wolfie isn't exactly used to unconditional love and she can't help getting insecure sometimes. When words fail to make her see how important she is to you, sometimes you have to resort to actions. Actions like fucking her somehow exactly how she wants it. You two are just so in tune, you know what she's in the mood for without asking whether if it's soft, loving sex with you leaving soft kisses wherever you can reach and making her insecurities disappear completely; or rough sex when you stop holding back and fuck her animalistically. Though, one thing that never changes is how considerate and tender you are to her afterward.

This time, however— Silverwolf wanted to try something different. You're always the one who does all the work, whether it be around the house or in bed, so she wants to return the favor. Of course, you were supportive; but with how much you spoiled her in bed, you were a bit worried that she wouldn't be able to take you... And you'd be partially right. She'll be shaking and sighing blissfully with her eyes fluttered close as she lowers herself down on your cock because she's used to always having you on top of her or at least helping her out. Still, she insists that she can take it and make you feel good. She insists on trembling as she bounces on your cock even with her legs shaking and tears in her eyes since you haven't cummed yet.

She's supposed to be the one pleasing you— not the other way around...

[amazinglyegg]

companions react to sole crying when they raise their voice at them

AWW this one's sad

For clarity I'm going with the idea that the companions aren't yelling at Sole out of anger (like, a low affinity talk) but more like they're either scolding Sole over something minor ("you could have gotten hurt! Be careful!") or ranting out loud about something unrelated and Sole is very sensitive to that sort of thing!

Companions react: Sole crying when yelled at

Includes Cait, Codsworth, Curie, Deacon, Desdemona, Danse, Hancock, Haylen, Maccready, Nick, Piper, Preston, Rhys, X6-88

Cait

Uhh. Fuck.

Cait is probably Least Capable of dealing with a crying person

First instinct might be to use tough love because that's what she uses on herself and it works fine

Like "Oh come on suck it up, it wasn't even that bad"

Actually starts to feel bad after a few moments though and will change trajectory into something more gentle

Gladly lets Sole have alone time if they ask because she really needs a minute to try and think of what to say

If Sole comes back completely ignoring what happened she'll also ignore it, but if they continue to seem upset she'll make the first move and actually apologizes

Very awkward with it, every sentence is like she's testing the waters for Sole's reaction.

The apology IS genuine, though, and Sole can tell just by how awkward she is about it. She won't just brush it off if Sole won't brush it off.

Codsworth

IMMEDIATE GUILT

Poor Codsworth would do a complete 180 and start comforting Sole

Sort of has a hard time if they want to be alone to collect themself, he's worried they'll hate him forever (he has a bit of separation anxiety after being alone for 200 years)

Will note exactly what made Sole cry and will never talk about that topic with that voice again

Like if they cried because he was worried about them getting hurt every interaction like that afterwards will be "You NEED to take better care of - I mean, please take better care of yourself please"

Curie

If Curie is raising her voice at Sole she's probably scolding them for not taking care of their health

She wants them to take care of themself but she didn't mean to make them so guilty they cry!!

She'll immediately comfort them and apologize for being so strict

100% mom friend, will not stop apologizing and trying to make it up to them via food and comfort

Gives Sole a hug and a forehead kiss and tucks them into bed with a warm cup of soup. Maybe cries a little

Probably tries to stand up for them on their behalf in the future, like if someone yells at them she'll scold the person yelling for being mean

Deacon

Ah shit

Deacon prides himself on being able to stay calm during conflict and read the other persons facial expressions, it's his job after all

But anger always managed to get to him somehow, and it made him ignore the small signs that Sole was getting stressed out

He wasn't even upset at them, he was just having a bad day, but he knew he fucked up the second their face scrunched up and they looked away

They're crying. Sole is crying because of him

Might try to fix things by making jokes but if he realizes Sole is genuinely upset he'll probably end up leaving and giving Sole their space

He leaves them to cry for a while and comes back once they've calmed down so he can sincerely apologize

Tries to make Sole feel better for the next few days by pulling some strings

Their favorite animal is brahmin? What a coincidence, Des is telling us to go to a safe house with a huge brahmin farm! They really like Blamco Mac and Cheese? Deacon just found a HUGE stash behind HQ, we better eat it!

Desdemona

Just kinda. Freezes.

This never happened before?? And either she doesn't really know Sole that well (agents faces tend to get confusing since so many come and go) and doesn't know what to say, or they're like, the best agent in the Railroad and she's very worried that she managed to make them cry.

Tries to brush it off as smoothly as possible and excuses them somewhere private to calm down so at least they're not crying in front of everyone

If she's closer with Sole she'll actively search them out herself and apologize directly

If not she'll honestly probably go to Deacon or someone first being like "Are they pissed at me?? Should I apologize or do I pretend it didn't happen?"

Might take the silent approach of giving Sole less work/more support and makes the mental reminder not to yell at them

Danse

Listen, this man is used to reprimanding people. He can practically do it in his sleep

But when he hears Sole burst into tears? He immediately loses all train of thought

He's probably the type of person to go "... Are you crying?" because this has never really happened to him before

Super worried that he's pushed Sole too far, regrets even yelling at them in the first place

Doesn't really know what to do, ends up waiting for Sole to make the first move (explain themself, run away, etc)

If he isn't as close with Sole he'll probably hesitantly give them space - it's what he would want if he burst into tears

If they're close/romanced he'll default to trying to talk to them and calm them down

He is a bit awkward and tends to fumble a lot, so Sole may have to be direct with what they need from him (Space, comfort, apology, etc) but Danse will do basically anything to get them to calm down

Like a person who is very bad at dealing with a crying toddler: "no no don't cry... Here's some candy... and twenty bucks... we can get ice cream if you want just please stop crying"

Hancock

I imagine Hancock to be a pretty touchy guy, so if Sole started crying his go-to comfort is by hugging them or rubbing their arm/back

He has high energy and expresses himself loudly so he realizes that he can be overwhelming at times

He'll quiet down and focus on comforting them and getting them what they need

Absolute KING at respecting their space and autonomy

The only thing worse than crying is crying in public so he's bringing them to a quiet room and letting them cry it out distraction free. They make the tiniest action that seems like they don't want to be touched and he'll back off, no questions asked

Also a bit of the "poorly dealing with a crying toddler" person: "You want chems?? No? Candy?? Would it make you feel better if you punched me??"

Haylen

Very empathetic towards Sole, immediately switches to a "Oh, hey, come on, it's okay..." type of voice

She gets that the Brotherhood is overbearing and it can take a while to get used to being reprimanded/spoken to in such a harsh way

If she's spent a good amount of time around Sole she's probably pretty in tune with their emotional needs and can work with that

Sole won't even have to ask, she'll just show up with some hot chocolate and a blanket, or apologize, or pretend like it never happened, or any mixture of those

A little worried and overprotective of them for a while after, though, especially if she's already worried about their mental health

Might talk to them to try and see what's wrong or convince them to take a break

Maccready

Another member of the "Wait... are you crying?" group.

Panics, probably. Doesn't know what to do or what to say.

He'll end up apologizing to them either way

If he's close with Sole he's more likely to do so first and more quickly, if not he might wait to gauge Sole's reaction before talking to them

A little bit awkward but he's got the spirit, will probably try to understand what made them cry and what he can do to make sure it doesn't happen in the future

Will also do a sort of follow-up check in after the fact or if they're having a rough day some other time

Tries a lot to stay more in-tune with Sole's emotions and what makes them upset after this point so they don't end up crying again because of him

Nick Valentine

For Nick to raise his voice like that he'd probably have to be distracted in some way

Either thinking about his words and not his voice as he reprimands Sole or snapping about something unrelated that's on his mind

So he doesn't even realize Sole started crying until their tears manage to snap him out of his thoughts

He's the type to try and comfort them straight away by cautiously reaching in for a hug and apologizing

If Sole runs off or yells at him he takes it personally, getting upset at himself for making Sole so uncomfortable

He will eventually reach out to them and get them to talk about what's bothering them, even if it takes a while

He'll immediately step up and sincerely apologize, and then turn his focus onto Sole's mental health

He realizes Sole has A Lot going on and them crying was probably the result of many days/weeks/months of bottled up emotions

Piper

Sole crying stops her in her tracks and makes her re-think everything that's happened between them in the past 24 hours

Was it something she said?? Or something she did?? What did she do wrong!?

Depending on the situation will either try to explain herself ("I didn't mean it like that, no don't cry I was just joking I swear -") or immediately be worried for Sole and try to comfort them

Might take Sole needing alone time a bit personally, she'll end up worrying that they're REALLY mad at her

She feels like she's not the best at comforting people so she'll try to turn to acts of service/gifts to bring them comfort

Buying them their favorite food, carrying more of their items, giving them hugs, etc.

Preston

Almost confused at first

He's never had anyone shy away from him before - if anything people didn't take him seriously and tended to look down on him

So the fact that he managed to make Sole cry really made him reassess their entire conversation up to this point

Immediately apologizes and asks what's wrong because surely there has to be something else going on for them to cry like this, right?

If Sole doesn't give an explanation he'll default to assuming they're overtired and stressed from work

Probably ends up feeling guilty for every time he gave them more Minuteman-related work to do

Might end up in a bit of a self-deprecating spiral of "I pushed them too hard, now they're upset, it's all my fault, how the hell can I fix this..."

He'll really focus on being there for them, whatever they need.

Less work? He'll take on their load. Shoulder to cry on? He'll stay up all night for them. A warm hug? He won't let go until Sole lets go first.

Rhys

Laughs

Alright he's an asshole

Kind of goes on a power trip about it too

Like "Haha yes I made them cry. Because I am the strong alpha male of the group"

At some point might come to the conclusion, either through his own means or by Danse/Haylen calling him out, that he was being a little bit of an asshole

If he apologizes though it's extremely short and awkward.

Like "Hey. Uhh. Sorry for making you cry. Just don't do it again. It's weird." And never brings it up ever again

Alternatively, takes the "Older Brother When The Younger Brither Starts Crying" approach of "Don't tell Danse! I didn't even yell at you that much! You can punch me back so we're even just please stop crying dude Danse will hear you and he'll get mad at me"

X6-88

It stops him in his tracks

Part of him is freaking out because Oh God Someone Is Experiencing Emotions Around Me

And the other part of him is freaking out because He Made Sole Cry Uh-Oh

Will probably give Sole some space immediately and waits for them to calm down - he's never been good at dealing with emotional people

Once they're calm he'll revisit them with a peace offering of sorts, like a fancy lad snack cake or some tea or something

Very curt apology, hands them the gift, leaves a moment of silence as an opportunity for them to speak up about what made them cry if they want

Once that's over he'll just try and pretend it never happened while also keeping them safe from whatever else could trigger that

He'll try not to yell at them and actively avoid putting them in situations where they'll be yelled at again whenever possible

[good-beans]

You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:

Amane joins the Kajiyamas

Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room

I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive

And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other

But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag

I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world

Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)

OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O

I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.

I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3

I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."

Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...

I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;

[azurlily]

Day 6 of 31 of the yandere month May challenge. This yandere is extremely creepy in the sense that it's sort of non-con, but not at all at the same time. I also think Sevika is naturally a very intense almost yandere, so this isn't like the others. You'll see.

Also a reminder to everyone this is the last month you can request a specific type of reader for free. After this month it becomes commission work. Ask any questions in either DM or on my asks/requests.

Sevika gets pissed when you go out on a mission with Jinx. She teaches you how to obey orders.

Yandere!Sevika SMUT

There are many dumb things that you can do in your lifetime. Stealing from someone important, lying about your job details, and worst of all pissing Sevika.

How did this even happen? Well you and Jimx have been getting more buddy buddy. So...why not go up to Piltover with her?

You told Sevika about your plans, she insisted you stay home. You told her it wasn't a big deal, and that it'd be good for you and Jinx to get along.

"No, and that's final. Your aren't going anywhere princess, so don't even try. Besides, you're in better condition, and our relationship has been doing better. Let's not ruin it."

Sevika and you had been fighting these past couple months. She wouldn't apologize for taking you from your house suddenly. She said it was just because she wanted fo see you. It took about 2 weeks for her to apologize and when she did, it wasn't very conventional. For her at least.

"Yes- flowers. They're yours, I-uh. I apologize."

That's all she told you before forcing you into a hug. Sevika only apologizes once in a blue moon. The apology ended in sex, of course.

Anyway, she gave you a bad vibe when she looked at you like that. Sevika for the life of herself would never hurt you, but she would intimidate. Sevika loving you basically secures you safety.

You fought with her saying that Jinx isn't a child and that neither are you. You both can do what you want. She rolled her eyes and slapped you ass.

"Mhm, you ain't a kid, but you act as stupid as one. Now, no going with her, I'm serious."

You asked her why and she kissed you on your forehead and left. You didn't get an answer and now you were frustrated. So, of course, knowing it'll blow up in your face later.

You and Jinx were almost caught. You got grazed by multiple bullets, and were in a good bit of pain. You were in a lot of pain, and Jinx felt like an ass for taking you with her.

When you two got back Jinx was teln by Silco for a "short" lecture. You laid on the bed Sevika and you share when you come over.(or when she abducts you) She came in about an hour later, she'd thought she was getting a small moment of peace.

"Oh- you're back. Listen about earlier with the whole Jinx thing. I'm not gonna say it, but I'll take you out- HOLY SHIT!"

She stood there for a second, trying to figure out- what the hell happened? It took her a minute and then it hits her. You fucking idiot.

Sevika thinks about how badly you're hurt, obviously there had to be more than one person. This was more than likely a surprise attack, which was cowardly and not something she was all into.

She imagined for a second the blood she's going to have on her hands later. It's going to be a lot, she intends to bathe in it. How dare some Piltover scum hurt you!?

She doesn't say anything and stares at you for a moment. She turn around and leave the room, only to come back with bandages.

Sevika gives you a cold stare and forces you up. She knows it hurts, as it should. She's pissed, and you dealing with the pain is her way of saying fuck you without opening her mouth. She refused to talk while fixing you up, she knows if the did the only words she'll be saying are: who and why?

She watches you wince and whimper, she sees you eyes glaze over in tears and watches as you shake in pain.

"It hurts, dont it? Well good. Now you know why I didn't want you going out with Jinx, she's a damned trouble maker."

Sevika was finally able to say something without straight up yelling. She watches your reactions, sees the fear, anger, embarrassment, and finally you start to cry.

She watches you cry for a good second, she moves you robotic arm up and pats your head. Then she grabs your hair and tilts your head up roughly.

"I try, I really do, but you seem really intent on pissing me off. So, this behavior needs to be punished. I'm giving you the choice on the punishment, it's easier for me. You have two choices, overstimulation or edging."

You groan as her mechanical hand squeezes your hair. Sevika is enjoying this, and evidently so are you. You choose overstimulation, it's better than being denied. At least you get what you want, even if you get too much of it.

Sevika stands up, putting the bandages down and looking at you with a glare. You know the drill, and in situations like these it's best not to brat off. You begin to undress, keeping your underwear and bra on. Sevika likes to take those two peices of clothing off specifically.

You watch her flex her mechanical arm, giving you a disgustingly smug smile.

"Lay back."

You lay back, putting your arms over your eyes. You feel cool metal run up and down your thighs. A second, warm hand unclasps your bra from me front/back. She didn't need to see her to see the smug look. She knows just how to handle you.

"Hands up, I want you to watch."

You do as Sevika commands and move your arms above your hands. She warns if you try to stop her she will tie you up. Her mechanical hand slowly rubs your thighs, she grips it roughly. Deep red marks starting to form. You look at her, tears in your eyes.

"Nuh uh, I don't wanna see them tears. You have brought this upon yourself, so lay back and- safeword. If...you need to."

Sevika pulls your thighs apart, opening them widely. Her warmer hand moved from groping me to rubbing on my thighs. She lowers her head, pressing it against my thigh. She hums quietly, you can feel the vibrations, shaking slightly you look down at her.

Her eyes are a beautiful, silvery grey, you couldn't stop staring. She notices and gives you thighs a tight squeeze, the smirk never once fading.

"My, my, my, you're shaking. I wonder, are you as exited down there too? Well? Are you slut?"

Sevika doesn't hold back on the insults, maybe the praise, but she loves to degrade you. Sevika runs her mechanical finger up and down your panties, the wetness and slicks becoming more apparent.

She growls, oh god. Sevika, no longer being able to take it, practically tears your panties off. She originally intended to come home and take you out, then she'd probably end up fucking your brains out in some alleyway in Piltover. She's been pent up all day thinking about it. Now she can fully relax, and take good action on you.

Sevika moves her head until her face is just hover over your pussy. You groan and whimper when she doesn't start. You didn't agree to be teased, dammit! That's why you chose this option!

"Oh hush. You'll get what you want, princess."

God that nickname turns you on, plus feeling her hot breath against you only makes things worse. You grind you hips up trying, hoping, to get some sort of friction. When Sevika slaps you thigh, hard enough to leave a mark. You know to stop, for not at least.

Finally Sevika herself is tired of waiting too, she presses her tounge into you. The way you squirm, feeling her hot, long tounge tear you open. It does something to her, in a way you will never understand.

She grabs both of your thighs, pulling you so you're hips are right on her face. You wrap your legs around her head, squeezing harshly as she eats you out. Sevika goes from small licks, to sucking on your clit, to pushing her tounge inside you. She does everything she can to hear you scream, and scream you do.

How can you not? This woman is skilled with her tounge in every way, she knows just how to tease you, and just how to make you cum in minutes. That's exactly what she's aiming for now, she wants to see your freshly fucked face, as soon as possible.

Sevika doesn't pull back when you begin rocking your hips, on the contrary. She tries pulling you closer, although you can't really get any closer. As you're stomach begins to tighten and your breathing begins to quicken. You both know what's coming, you, to be more specific.

As you feel piping hot bliss rush over you, you shake and spasm. Sevika doesn't let up though. No, in fact she continues as your orgasm begins to slowly die down. That's when the fun really starts.

Sevika can feel you fighting, slapping, pushing hitting. She said not to use your hands, but she knows you cant help it. You're a dumb slut, and sluts don't know how to think. Especially not you.

You start grabbing and pulling on Sevikas hair, you knew this was the outcome. Didn't stop you from acting like you were innocent. Doesn't matter anyway, the more you push, and pull, and bite. The more fun Sevika is having. You can practically feel her grinning.

You scream and cry, feeling yourself build up once more. Your hips spasming uncontrollably, your entire body was shaking. You knew it was only a matter of time before you came for the second time. After that she'd keep going until you passed out.

You really are stupid, but that's okay. Sevika always cleans up your messes, and after she finishes up with you. She's heading to Piltover to rip some heads off, she might even bring you a souvenir.

[anotherblas]

What will Ada's fate be? (my opinion lol)

Ada's fate in the story is my roman empire. It has so many outcomes it's unpredictable, just like her. Let's see, she's currently with Montresor who she would likely end up being with after the whole rescuing Duke arc because she has no one else. Annabel will probably cut her one sided friendship with Ada and prioritize her trust with Prospero, who she thinks is her strongest ally. I like to think there would be a conflict there, where annabel cut ties with her and Ada doesn't take it very well (it would be so cool if in that moment Ada brings up the fact that Annabel was the one that told her about Prospero being interested in her and that she should take the lead. Annabel of course could deny this and no one would question it, but maybe it could be something that starts making Prospero doubt about Annabel, at least a little bit). Then we got morella, she'll probably join the misfits again after finding out what the others did to duke. I could see her trying to talk to ada but i think she would just push her away. Also the fact that ada was a part of putting duke in the wall could affect how she sees her.

So yeah Ada and Montresor ( i cut Will out of the ecuation because i want him to find better friends), those two are not gonna end up well. One is going to be doom of the other, and how i see things it'll probably be Montresor dooming Ada. Why? well easy, he's using her. Ada's depending on her relationship with Montresor. she needs him to like her, validate her, praise her, love her. Make her feel powerful and protected, because that's what she wants, love and power. And all it takes is just some sweet words and she'll do whatever he wants.

We don't know how far their relationship will go but one thing's for sure, she's not going to leave him out of nowhere because she has no one else to depend on. Ada doesn't know how to be on her own or maybe she does know but dislikes it. We saw in her flashback she was a maid and got murder by (most likely) the man of the house she works. Don't know if she had any family or friends, but probably she was alone. This man, a powerful sir giving her attention, feeding into a false delusion of a better life, was probably Ada's only relationship. He used her and when she started being an inconvenience he just got rid of her.

And that's what i think is going to happen again. Ada will become an inconvenience in Montresor's plan and he'll get rid of her. Now how could ada become a hassle? Ada's spectre is (to me) one of the most powerful ones. If she learns how to use her abilities to a maximum (get to know wtf the "mark of the grave" is, maybe being able to actually see the fear of the others, or use her screams to a point where she can cause harm) she could become a big threat to everyone, including montresor. But of course that wouldn't be a problem as long as he has her wrapped around his finger. There could be many outcomes from this situation: -Maybe Ada is way to possessive and jelaous of any person that montresor interacts with and that starts to annoy him, we already saw how agressive she gets when she's in her spectre. -Another possibility is that Ada realizes that Montresor is not the powerful person that she thinks he is, and that makes her not want him anymore. As i said before, ada wants love AND power. I don't think she would stay with him if he's in his flop era, she'll try to reach out to new powerful students (maybe even try to get on the good side of the misfits) but i see her doing this sectretly. She doesn't want to take the risk of leaving Montresor without having a backup that would greet her, but he'll eventually find out and when he starts losing his control over her, that's when he wants her out of the game.

Now how could he get rid of her? One option is that he could simply kill her, but i don't like it. It's boring and it leaves no room for theorizing lol. Anooooother option is something that i'm kinda hoping we get to see is (dumroll please) THE EXPULSION OF A STUDENT. Now, we don't know if this is even possible, but there's nothing i love more than to overthink situations in fictional media. What would it take for a student to get expelled is unknown, stealing something important? going somewhere forbidden? put in risk the well being of the academy or the deans? Also what would the expulsion mean, like does the student goes straight to the land of the dead OR they simply open the gate and kick them out for the monsters to do whatever they want. It would be tragic if this where to happen to ada but she's the most likely candidate. She's someone we know a lot about, something that can make the reader relate to her or feel emphaty towards her. She feels like a real morally questionable person. Someone that wants to be good one, but her selfish priorities come first. If the expulsion thingy where to actually happen it would have to be to someone that we know so it has a bigger impact and i don't really see it happening to any of the misfits nor Prospero.

Love her or hate her, Ada being expelled because of Montresor's doing would be heartbreaking. Buuuut at the same i feel like she wouldn't die DIE, idk how to explain it. Like she'll be gone for some time having us thinking that she's gone forever but then comes back somehow. She's one of the most interesting students so getting rid of such an amazing and complex character would be kinda of a waste in my opinion. I want to see her develop but not lose her sparkle that makes her, her. She's problematic, create chaos and i live for that.

So yeah, there are some of my thoughts on Ada, i kinda went off the rails at the end.

[randoimago]

guess who

Yeah, I’d like to request Bernadetta, Shadowheart (I’m hoping by the time you finish this I’m done with my first run, I just got into Act 3), and maybe Nobara (I’ve dabbled with JJK), with a reader that is smooth as hell with them, but otherwise is just socially inept. I think that’d be funny.

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3, Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Jujutsu Kaisen

Character(s): Bernadetta, Shadowheart, Nobara

Note(s): I'll do my best to not have Act 3 Shadowheart spoilers then. But hi, it's been a while, hope you enjoy!

Bernadetta

She feels a bit betrayed. Here she was, happy to have someone that is just as awkward as she is. And then all of a sudden you’re spitting poetry about her singing voice?? Accuses you of tricking her as she tries to hide her flustered face.

Bernie doesn’t know how to feel at you being good with words all of a sudden. She doesn’t hate it, but she was more comfortable knowing you were just as awkward.

She keeps an eye out when you talk to other people. She’s hiding behind your back as you’re a shield so she doesn’t have to be social, but she’s making sure you’re not suddenly smooth with other people.

Nobara

The second a smooth pickup line leaves your mouth, she's narrowing her eyes at you. She accuses you of playing a trick on her or something. Will call you out on being so awkward normally, and then you said something that quick-witted to try and fluster her? She's onto your tricks.

Depending on your pick-up line, she might scoff and say, "That's sexual harassment. Give me 1,000,000 yen, or I'll call the cops." She won't, but if she can get some money from you to go shopping, she'll play that card.

If she does see you being smooth with others then she’ll give you such a suspicious look and tell the other person, “Don’t fall for it, they’re really a dork with no social skills.” Nobara can be a bit harsh

Shadowheart

Well she’s glad that you’re able to charm others, at least. Just know that it’ll take more than some pretty words for her to fall head over heels that easily.

She is amused at how you do bumble around a bit if you are pulled into a conversation, but the instant there’s an opening, you’re able to throw out the most charming line. Careful, you might make her jealous if you direct those words at others (not really, she believes in poly)

Shadowheart might sigh a bit and throw a guidance your way when it comes to talking to those that aren’t going to easily be charmed by you, but she sits back and watches in intrigue when something does click in your brain and you’re suddenly poetic with your speech.

[the-reincarnated-princess]

Tell us about your Isen x Evie brainrot

To fit the themes of UnOrdinary, it would make sense that, maybe not right away, but later on, there's one of the most powerful students ending in a relationship with a low tier. Remi and Blyke are together or will be, Sera and John is all but acted, and i dont see Arlo with anyone, and anyway i dont think he would get with a low tier even now that he's changed sides. (Or Arlo x Elaine if we really want to work with teased crushes, tho not on arlo's side again)

But Isen isnt teased with anyone yet, except to have a slight crush on Remi at the beginning, which isnt likely to happen now that she's with Blyke.

So Isen could end up with a lower level, it would fit the themes. Since he had a crush on remi, his type seems to be the assertive, confident girls, with a pinkish-shade of hair.

But he also almost died as a vigilante and he'd probably be happier with a girl who isnt running headfirst in situations.

Who is a low tier with dark pink hair and some confidence but also caution? Evie.

Now let's study the problem from Evie's point of view. She has multiple male friends (Terrence, Dylan, Roland...) none of which are teased with her. I dont think her female friends are teased with her either so let's pretend, for this thought experiment, she's into boys.

She's one of the smartest pupils in Wellston (word of god established it) and she's loyal to a fault (sticking with Sera when she's getting beaten up). But on top of that, she is brave enough to actually get into the whole Safe House establishment. She voted for John to be able to come on the trip, etc. Her character arc since the beginning, much more than that of similar characters (Dylan, Roland, Illena and the other low and mid tiers) has been to stop fearing the high-tiers.

Which is why, re: themes of how it's bad to isolate the tiers from each other, I think if there is a "mixed-tiers" couple at the end of the comics, she'll be one half of it.

And while his tracker ability makes him srtonger than the average, it's not an offensive ability on its own, so Isen is maybe the least threatening of the elite-and-more-tiers in school. So if Evie ends up having a crush on one of the top 10, I can imagine him to be the one she would actually dare to go to and ask out. He's the safest best even if no one that powerful is really safe.

Anyway she is a bit of the narrative mirror of Isen: both are the smartest person in their group (Isen can crack into restricted files and Evie is one of the smartest people in school); both have a more muted hair colour than one of the strongest people in school (desaturated yellow unlike the bright gold of Arlo; desaturated purple unlike the bright purple of Sera) and these muted colours, yellow and purple, are complimentary; both are the weakest person in their group and feel bad about not being able to protect people (Evie is 1.5 and one of the weakest students in school and wanted to learn how to protect herself via martial arts; Isen's ability is useless to fight and he constantly tried to get out of the whole vigilante/civil insurrection thing until pushed to make a stand).

On top of that, with Sera and the Safe House bridging the divide, Evie and Isen now have common friends and acquaintances. And Evie has started gravitating towards Blyke Remi and Isen with the field trip storyline etc.

If we leave the dominion of canon and themes, I just think they'd suit each other so well because I've decided so. The made up versions of them I have in my mind would go well together. Also can you imagine post-canon Isen and Evie, him a journalist, her a politician representing the low-tiers, or something, both still gravitating in the same circles as his elite-tiers friends and family but also bridging the gap with her low-tiers friends and family? Their dinner table being the place where people of all tiers have their place?

That being said, for now Isen's strongest relationships are friends (Blyke and Remi) and that suits me perfectly. I wouldn't mind either of them finishing the series singles, particularly if the series ends before they are out of high school.

[thecrusadercomrade]

How do you think things would change later on if No Time Left went perfectly? Nobody gets separated or killed, and they all attack the stranger together.

How do you think things would change if Jane couldn’t stash AJ safely, or maybe she stuck with Clem after the crash, so there’s no big confrontation. Would Kenny/Jane/Clem survive together, or was a blowout inevitable?

How do you think things would change if Larry didn’t have a heart attack in the meat locker?

My first thought was that the sign would still separate them when it breaks, but since you've said they all attack the Stranger together, I'll assume that they all somehow manage to make it to the Marsh House.

In that case, I feel like we'd still lose at least one person. Once the Stranger walks into the room and sees THAT many people there, he's not going to try and hold them all hostage; he'll open fire right away. The group could probably just charge and jump him, but at least one person is going to get injured, if not killed. Once the Stranger is taken care of, the group takes Clementine out of there. With more people, they're able to keep Clementine from going after her parents while also carrying Lee as he begins to feel faint. Lee still dies since the bite happened in the previous episode, but it's someone else who puts him down, and he dies knowing that Clementine will be looked after.

After that, the group moves on from Savannah. Initially they might try to follow Christa's plan of going to the countryside, but with more people in the group, that just won't be practical. We saw how much Christa and Clementine struggled to find enough food for just the two of them, and unless the group learns how to hunt/forage/fish, I think they'll be forced towards a small town to scavenge. Perhaps they'll find a place to settle down, or maybe they'll be recruited into a community. A lot of ways it could go.

I think a fight between Jane and Kenny, or at least a blowout argument, was inevitable. They clearly just can't get along, and I don't see Clementine managing to fix that. There's just too much anger there, too much bitterness. They're both very messed up in their own ways. If Clementine has been closer to Jane, then Jane might try to convince Clementine to run away with her. But if Clementine has been siding with Kenny, I could see them waking up one morning to find Jane just gone, her having left in the night. I don't see any practical way for them all to stick together.

Honestly, even if Larry hadn't had his heart attack, I'm not sure he'd have made it out of the dairy alive. With how aggro he was, I could see him pulling something similar to Kenny and just charging right in and getting shot. He doesn't seem to know how to manage his temper or his behavior. If he does make it out though, then obviously Lilly would be much better off mentally. Though there'd be even worse arguments about whether or not to leave the motor inn, since Larry is definitely going to side with his daughter. To put a little bit of a spin on the usual speculation I see for Larry surviving the dairy, I'll say that Larry doesn't die "on-screen" during the bandit attack, but he does get shot and injured enough that he can't make it to the RV. Lilly won't leave him behind, so Kenny takes off without them, and that's how they exit the story. That way Carley/Doug doesn't die, but the group will definitely have some guilt weighing on them for leaving them behind.

If Lilly still returns in season four, she'll mention that Larry bled out and she was forced to abandon the motor inn. She's even more bitter in this timeline, blaming the entire group for leaving them to die.

Thanks for the ask! This was a lot of fun, speculating on all these different ideas. Much appreciated!