#i think kind of made it easier?
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
guess who advocated for their self and made themselves open up and acknowledge things about themselves that they feel embarrassed and ashamed of and now has a prescription for ADHD meds?
this gremlin. aw yeah.
#jess' mental health#y'all it was hard#but my new prescriber was nice#he looked and had the vibe of a businessman hippie which#i think kind of made it easier?#anyway i am tentatively hopeful about starting new medication#since it will be about the ADHD and not just mood#which is what previous meds were about and i feel that's trying to treat a symptom instead of the cause
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
The way the finale went down isn’t the ending a lot of people wanted—I get that, and I sympathize. But I really do believe that’s in part because it isn’t an ending.
And, frankly, I love the way this season finale went purely for selfish reasons.
The thing is, I honestly think that from a fandom POV, that’s so much better than having everything go the way we wanted or expected. I’m already so inspired to create things—to patch holes of things I didn’t get to see or hypothesize on how things will turn out. There’s debate on what the wish really means that I KNOW is going to manifest in some creative af world building in future fics I’ll get to read.
I know some people are contemplating leaving the fandom after this, but that was going to happen regardless of how the season went down. And I hope that some of those people still find a way to enjoy what the show has given them. I hope people realize it’s never too late to play with whatever ideas they may have.
I think this “ending” is unsettling on purpose. And I think so many cool things are going to be created because of that set-up.
I’m super duper excited okay?
#I do think because I had a few things spoiled for me it made the episode easier for me to digest personally#and I kind of had no expectations going in so I just really enjoyed it!#and yes there are aspects I didn’t love but I’m going to make an effort to spread positivity instead of pointing those out#I just love this silly little show and that’s gonna be true even if I disagree with the way some things go#but I do understand other ppl might not feel the same way and that’s valid! everyone is valid!#i just selfishly hope I get to see that manifest in fics hehe#miraculous ladybug#ml conformation#conformation spoilers#ml recreation#recreation spoilers#ml s5#ml spoilers
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
191 notes
·
View notes
Note
For the cat who takes out Juniperclaw, maybe if any of Leafstar's kits are still alive besides Harrybrook (or just him idk how you characterize any of the three), perhaps one of them would go with it? Leafstar might not have liked "an eye for an eye" and she'd probably teach them it's wrong to seek revenge, but I do think one of them can be talked into it, in the name of SkyClan and Leafstar. Make it more personal when Juniperclaw is told who they are in relation to the cat he killed, making it click in his head what is about to happen.
Oooo, great idea, I GOTTA do that... hmmm. Much as I wish I could cash in another chip for Firefern, since I adore her name, it's gotta be Harrybrook.
In-canon, his character is consistently harsh and distrusting and he's got it even worse in BB. It could be like his mother is the only thing actually holding him back. If anyone is going to end up being Waspstar's "Cleaner," it absolutely has to be him.
Harrybrook: We had a good thing, you stupid son of a foxheart! We had Leafstar, we had a camp, we had everything we needed and it all ran like woodwork! You could have shut your mouth, hunted, and caught as much prey as you ever needed. It was perfect! But no! You just had to blow it up! You, and your pride and your ego! You just had to be the man! If you’d known your place, we’d all be fine right now!
A little recap of BB!Harrybrook, since it's been a while since I've mentioned him or any of his fragments;
Harrybrook is the son of Leafstar, Echosong, and Billystorm.
SkyClan does not have the Cleric's Vow.
This is because SkyClan was exiled at the beginning of the Ripple Era; before Larkstripe's Strike which resulted in the unofficial vow being codified.
it is actually a positive in their culture if their Cleric previously raised kittens. Echosong probably did have other litters in her long life.
Echosong is also alive to the current arc; Frecklewing joined with The Kin. Fidgetflake is still around, but he's probably still the "junior" Cleric of sorts.
Important point being that Harrybrook has personal stake in SkyClan's unique customs. His only surviving parent is a Cleric.
I wouldn't be surprised if this is what makes him such an effective killer. He has a knowledge of poisons and anatomy.
All cats know where the carotid artery is, they find it all the time when they put the killing bite in the wrong spot. Habr knows where else a single blow can bleed you out.
As a little kitten, he was named after Harry, who helped to save his mother.
What no one knew at the time was that Harry was being courted by an ancient monster. Sol, the God of Autumn, Change, and Tricks, wanted to play a game.
The rules were simple; Sacrifice three kits.
Sol wanted to see how far Harry, once baring the name Cinders, would go in pursuit of the power it could offer him. Sol HATES a boring vessel.
Harry JUMPED at the chance, offering two of his own kits as the last one got away. He just needed one more.
SkyClan almost tempted him into tucking his ambition away. Here, he was safe and accepted for the first time... but his desire for power won out in the end.
Sol offers immortality, the ability to mould reality like clay, the whole world could be Harry's toy.
(WIP SECTION)
In some way, Sol was able to manipulate Billystorm. I'm still working out how severe this manipulation was.
He likely got to Leafstar too. Possibly intentionally driving a wedge between them-- convincing Billystorm that SkyClan was unsafe and he'd raised the kits more than either his mate or his mate's girlfriend. He had a right to keep them safe, even if that meant taking them from everything they'd ever known.
And to Leafstar, he told her Billystorm was plotting against her. That she needed to be as firm with him as she is with the cantankerous Sharpclaw. If she's not, he might take those kittens back to his humans, and who knows what they'd do?
In any case, a fight between them causes Billystorm to leave. I'm not sure if I'm keeping Leafstar exiling him.
(Note: I don't really like how either character acts in the canon story. Or the framing. Or... anything about it really. It's bad Todd.)
In the past, I'd made it so Billy ended up trying to take the kids to his human, and then the human was the one who decided to get rid of the kits. INSTEAD it works a LOT better if Billystorm went back to his humans, and Harry then used this as a lure to get the kittens out of camp.
"Let's go visit your Ba, kittens. I know where he is. Just follow me."
While living in the town, Billystorm meets up with the child of Harry who got away, and learns that they've all been set up.
Billystorm deserves to go run save his kids and punch a God in the face I think.
DAYLIGHT WARRIOR MORE LIKE LIGHTS OUT WARRIOR! KAPOW!!
(Much as I will miss the gutpunch brutality of Billystorm realizing that his human can't be trusted. I'll just use the idea someplace else.)
(WIP SECTION END)
Stormkit was unable to be saved. There was only Firefern and Harrybrook.
Harry has been terrified of water since then. It represents everything awful that's ever happened to him.
He doesn't even like when it rains. Storms always seem to bring terrible things.
Firefern ended up dying on the journey to the Lake. I'm leaning towards changing it to infection, during the time that Echosong is missing (taking Frecklewing's arc).
Her other mother wasn't there to help her, and she died of something preventable. Something Harry knows she could have healed.
Harrybrook hates his name. I think he was too quiet about it, though, to the point where his family wasn't aware of it.
They probably figured it was overwriting Harry's memory. It's Harrybrook's name now, instead. Harry just feels like it's a reminder of being tricked.
I think at one point he should get an honor title, but I'm still working it out. He might just be keeping Harrybrook as a grim reminder.
If it's him who kills Juniperclaw, I know for a fact he'd take Waspstar's orders very seriously; "Please be discreet and professional." It's only mostly personal, you see. More importantly, this is for SkyClan.
Leafstar wouldn't have approved. But she's not here now.
He'd quietly intercept Juniperclaw as he approaches the camp, standing in his way, looking him up and down without a twinge of emotion on his face. Juniperclaw's hackles are raised immediately. He lived with SkyClan before Heartstar reformed ShadowClan-- everyone knows who Harveybrook is.
"I've- I've come to pay my respects," He says proudly, standing tall and noble. Even after that he did, he has the boldness to hold himself as a brave warrior. What he knows he did, and to who he's talking to. Harrybrook shouldn't fault him for not knowing how arrogant he comes across-- but does anyway.
"Yes, we've been expecting you," He flicks his tail and dips his head respectfully, "Right this way."
The trail doesn't lead to camp.
When Juniperclaw begins to realize that they're taking a strange path, he just waves it away as an odd feeling. It's been a while since he's been here, after all. But the tickle doesn't go away. It gets stronger and stronger, until he recognizes the northern border of what used to be ShadowClan's full range.
And that's when he halts, "Where exactly are you taking me?"
"Not any further if you don't want to," Though Harrybrook's eyes are wide like he's about to pounce on prey and his massive body is buckled low, prowling, sizing up the distance between them, his tone is soft. Like he's gently explaining something to a fellow warrior. "This would be far enough."
The ex-deputy swallows on a dry throat, frozen in place. Harrybrook relaxes his stance. Juniperclaw seems to be very good at taking orders, just like he is. He knows exactly what to do to keep this discreet and professional.
"If you'd like, we can finish the long walk. It's a place my mother used to like. It has flowers, butterflies, it's a lovely haven," He relaxes his stance, meeting Juniperclaw's terrified eyes with a calm, dutiful look.
The panic distills into a resolve. Like something clicked in his mind, and he was coming to one of those unspoken conclusions that these Forest Four cats all seem to have figured out between them. "All right. I... I think I know the haven you're talking about. We can have our fight there. There's no need to make a scene."
Harrybrook's ear flicks, but Juniperclaw doesn't see it as he brushes past him. It seems he misunderstood what this is. He thinks this is an invocation of the Right to Challenge. That this is going to be a fair fight between warriors.
It's the last mistake he ever made. But he doesn't feel a thing. Back turned to his killer, he hears the snap before he learns in StarClan that it was the sound of his own neck.
#better bones au#BB!Juniperclaw#BB!Harrybrook#Sol's Game#Squirrelflight's Horror#This is the kind of standalone scene I'd have some problems with placing in one of my reworked books#SO I'll have to think of where it goes#Honestly I'm grateful for the SkyClan stuff that seems to be coming out lately#It'll make it easier to show off all the big changes I made in BB!SkyClan
153 notes
·
View notes
Note
what do you think toshiro's version of laios would've been like if he was still with the group during the shapeshifter shenanigans
there have been a few speculations in the tag and among the fans and they are all very good SO i am going to take this opportunity to insert a bit of my shipping bias as i like in my interpretation LMAO agdsfgdfgv
i noted that in actuality shuro seems to have a very good grasp on laios' character??? this is most obvious in the manga later on but even seeing how he criticises laios in their fight... iirc nothing he says is actually untrue or wildly exaggerated, and while he does express frustration over something he feels like laios Should have control over (noticing his cues), he is also aware that laios isnt being malicious and that hes Just Like That. what i mean to say is that while i think his version of laios may seem more pushy and in-your-face, i dont think it will be overwhelmingly so. if its post-fight, i think the idea of laios (and marcille) being willing to do anything to get falin back made a big impression on him, as well as the idea that they need to eat and rest in order to succeed in their goals, so those aspects would be prominent in his version. he seems pretty observant, so i think for the most part the physical traits would line up, but i think there would be specific things that stand out to him that would appear strangely striking on his version of laios (like. idk something about his eye colour or the subtle contrast of his armour and chainmail. he seems to have a weird sense of aesthetics if extras are anything to go by lmao). if hed actually been paying attention all those times laios had gone on about what the hell ever, then it might be even MORE hard to tell apart his version since he would also have a good grasp on what laios should know. so either his version of laios is pretty difficult to pick out, OR despite the character being accurate his appearance is too. stylised lmao (exaggerated features or something) OR!! they just get him to pull out his monster gourmet guide thing and are able to tell from there. iirc everyone was surprised at its appearance so its possible toshiro had also never seen it before
IN MY IMAGINARY SHIPPING SCENARIO............ lets say that his laios isnt able to be picked out immediately and that the monster guide thing also doesnt immediately occur to anyone. what the real laios Specifically notices is how close this other laios keeps getting to shuro. and hes like. ??? why is he getting so close to him, theres no way i get that close to him??? but no one else seems to be picking up on it as weird, so hes having a small crisis like do i REALLY get that close to him???? and now that hes on the outside he notices shuro subtly leaning away and he feels both a wave of shame and..... protectiveness??? (JEALOUSY??????) and he immediately steps in and grabs him like Hey!!! cant you see hes uncomfortable???? weve been through this already!!! and like. ok i cant believe im doing this again but i need to separate this into different endings
a) the whump route: i dont think shuro ever envisioned Actually Telling laios about his frustrations outside of being basically cornered into it. has he ever spoken up against what was expected of him?? has he ever been confrontational???? i think part of what held him back from expressing his frustrations, along with the cultural norms, could be fear of what the reaction would be. if he had done the same in any other aspect of his life (his family, his inheritance), i think he would expect disappointment, disapproval, more proof that he doesnt add up to expectation. to be honest i dont think he Truly believes that laios is the type of person to react like this. but it was strong enough to prevent him from acting and i think would be projected onto his image of laios. maybe fake!laios says something dismissive like Well if it really bothered him hed say something right? what, he cant even stand up for himself? cmon, shuro, prove that you cant handle it just like everything else. and thats pretty much the fastest giveaway that it isnt really laios. of course this would be a HUGE tonal departure from what the actual episode/chapter was, so:
b) the dumbass route: both laioses break into fisticuffs, and, yes.... barking. and so they speedrun the entire encounter as the shapeshifters true form appears and, after laios points out that thinking too hard about others versions of you can tear apart groups and peace of mind, they pointedly do not speak of it again. they think about it though. a LOT
c) the normal route: both laioses argue normal like and the group ends up being able to tell them apart because the fake laios goes on a little too long about how theyre all here for falin and everyones like ok its not like he DOESNT love his sister but.......... the rest of the scenario probably goes like canon, though then i would want to see what everyone Else thought of shuro
#if it had been pre-fight i think shuro must have seen him as someone who wasnt serious enough or was too directionless#it would definitely have been easier to pick him out i think....#i realise that very little actual shipping made it into the scenario. but i hope you see the vision#anon#ask#laishuro tag#if shuro actually ended up having to judge them i cant tell you how accurate he would have been#i DO know that compared to laios he would have been watching their social interactions more carefully#maybe he notices certain habits. i dont know if he would get all of them right though. he definitely gets laios right#long post#huge fucking post even. im so sorry. i hope this answered your question#this is actually shorter than it originally was i took off a paragraph#and.. shorter again because i just revised the final route LMAO#its kinda important that laios is the one that judges so i fixed it. originally i was like well what if shuro judged#which u can kind of tell from the tags above lmao#ok i give up i cant edit this anymore here u go <3
145 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't know what compelled me to make this but now it exists
#i was thinking about his celebrations ig#and like the bunny ear one specifically. im like is this not just caramelldansen?#so i made uh this#wish the clips were longer it would havemade this a lot easier#so sorry if its not the most smooth but i still like it haha#the kind of video editing project that makes me shriek w laughter to edit(like the vegas waltz one) so im pretty pleased#but now im gonna have caramelldansen stuck in my head for 48 hrs#but who doesnt have that song stuck in their head on a loop eternally#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
251 notes
·
View notes
Text
glass cathedral - an experiment in concepts and shapes and textures or whatever and refusing to ever ever finish the back of the build EVER
#mmmmmyea it’s a cathedral with a glass tower stuck in th middle of it. YUP. WHATTTTEVER!#needs 2 be powerwashed ASF#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft build#minecraft cathedral#bsl shaders#lode-builds#interior? i hardly know her.#do not ask about what the inside of this build looks like matter of fact dont even THINK about it!!#this is the biggest build ive made in a while and im happy with it but i thjnk it can also be improved#i got off to a great start w the shapes and stuff but kind of lost steam towards the top#and texturing it was harder than i thought itd be thats usually the easier part for me!!#idk i feel like i kinda just had a cool concept then lodeified it with the pipes and stuff so ill probably come revisit it later#and make it even awesomer#but im still glad I made something so BIG at the very least HEEHEE
174 notes
·
View notes
Text
something i really appreciate about prapai is that even at the start he never pulls the asshole rich guy move of trying to buy/impress sky by throwing money or expensive gifts at him/his problems.
when sky makes it clear he's not interested, prapai almost immediately bounces back and decides to 'try again'.
rather than getting angry, in an unexpectedly sweet move, mr playboy "i love my freedom" goes for actually getting to know sky.
i mean yes, he's absolutely still just trying to get into sky's pants at this point, but at the same time this isn't a move from the rich asshole playbook at all.
when prapai shows up at sky's dorm unannounced again, it's clear he doesn't really have a plan other than 'try to be sexy around sky' and he fails terribly at this because prapai is NOT as smooth as he thinks he is.
he's so, so bad at flirting, but...it absolutely works in prapai's favour because it disarms some of sky's defences. look at sky's expressions here:
it's hard to see in screenshots, but we hear that sky suppresses a small laugh, and towards the end he's very clearly fighting not to smile. prapai's not living up to sky's expectations of finding a suave playboy type. he's ridiculous and sky is very reluctantly charmed by it.
and when they have breakfast, prapai doesn't try to show off by bringing sky to a fancy restaurant or try to make a big deal about paying for sky's meal. even though he also likely overpays for his meal.
sky leaves what looks like two 100 bhat notes while prapai leaves a single 500 bhat note. (my experiences in places like this in Bangkok says that sky left a reasonable amount/slightly more than he needed to, while prapai probably left a tip that was bigger than the cost of his meal.)
so if he wanted to, prapai could've made a big deal about this but he doesn't. this isn't for show because sky never even sees the amount prapai puts down.
look at prapai's emphasis: he queued up for it since 5am. he didn't try to pay extra to jump to the head of the line or order it to be delivered to him or send someone else to buy it for him. this was prapai's time, effort, energy and he didn't use his money to take any short cuts.
purely speculative, but assuming sky is heading directly to classes, his dorm is located within walking distance of the university, and the first class is at 8am, it's possibly around 7:30am at the earliest. which still gives a conservative estimate of prapai having a whole 2.5 hour window of queuing for the food and bringing it to sky right before his international flight and a slew of business meetings.
for a man with money, with power, with influence, this is so, so much effort.
even before prapai ends up taking care of sky when he's sick, he's already shown how real his commitment is. this is intentional, focused, dedicated pursuit. of sky. not just a warm body for sex, but very specifically: sky. because prapai is not a man who has to work this hard just to get sex.
and then there's this moment:
i think this was the moment when prapai realises that his approach was working on sky. before this point, prapai's entire strategy is 'throw stuff at wall, see what sticks,' but here he realises: sky has been moved. first, by the reassurance that prapai wasn't looking for sex anymore (at least not just sex), and second by the attention and forethought inherent in making sure sky still had food ready for him after prapai left. this is the kind of care you show when you genuinely want the best for someone, not just to make a good impression or to elevate their opinion of you, and it's working.
it's super telling that after this point in the show, about 85% of prapai's wooing strategy becomes 'send sky food', whether in person or via delivery. he's paying attention and when something works he doubles down on it with zero hesitation. and everything he does give sky either meets a basic need (food, medication, a safe space to rest) or involves directly helping sky with something he finds challenging (helping him with his assignments). primarily, prapai's focus is about spending time with sky.
and none of this, none of this, was the approach you would expect from a rich fuckboy. and i really, really love prapai for that.
#love in the air#love in the air the series#lita#love in the air meta#prapaisky#prapai x sky#prapai#sky#rambles about shows i'm watching#think back to other shows where the love interest starts out as a rich asshole and they almost ALWAYS throw money at the mc at first#usually the rich fuckboy has to LEARN that his money isn't going to buy anyone's real love and affection#i love mame for so intentionally making prapai NOT LIKE THAT#we can also talk about how he doesn't offer to buy sky pre-made models to make his assignments easier#hell this is asia if you have the money you can easily pay someone to do your homework for you#but prapai either (a) knows sky would never go for that because he actually cares about his studies or (b) never even thinks about it#because he's just not that kind of asshole#ya'll sometimes i just get a little overwhelmed by how GOOD prapai is. like he's not perfect. but he is GOOD.#<my posts>
52 notes
·
View notes
Note
I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
65 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
75 notes
·
View notes
Text
one solid week of this bullshit please thank unsaved spike pit run for resetting what was like 2 hours of struggling ... siiigghh... (day 7)
#daan von dutch#fear and hunger#fear and hunger daan#fear and hunger termina#fear and hunger termina daan#if you saw me post to this blog about the spike pit at the late hours of the night no you didnt#i kind of like how this came out hopefully you guys like it too#somewhat unrelated but thanks for 200 notes on day 2 i didnt put nearly enough effort into it compared to what it got#i guess the shittiness kind of made it more appealing...#no matter how many times i draw this woman his hair never gets any easier#heres to another week more!#im never finishing this game ... 😭 (kidding! i have to because thats the gimmick...)#also to commend a week of commitment#i think ill personally tell you my favorite termina character#it's o'saa#daily
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
reminder that if you're not watching Crayon Shin-chan then you are living a hollow and empty life. this is not edited. this ripped straight from the movie (Movie 8: Jungle That Invites the Storm, highly recommend for fellow Masaaki Yuasa lovers)
if you need further convincing: these monkeys run an animation sweatshop
#i've made this disclaimer on another post but will again since i've seen a lot more of the movies now#the movies are VERY good and very enjoyable but unfortunately the first handful are bogged down by transphobic/homophobic/okama stereotypes#they kind of vary in their severity. Movie 5 i think is the biggest catalyst because it features the stereotyped characters the most#prominently. Movie 3 doesnt really have caricatures per se but saves a very backhanded reveal for the end#Movies 1 and 4 are a bit more tolerable if my memory is correct. Movie 2 i think is kind of comparable to Movie 5 with its caricatures#in that the characters have similar roles in both movies#i admittedly can't remember what caricatures there were in Movie 6 or 7. 7 i think barely had anything#RAMBLE RAMBLE BASICALLY: these jokes are within the first 7 movies or so 5 being the zenith then reducing down and down. by movie 8 it's sa#e#i give these disclaimers because these movies are all very enjoyable and i would not recommend them if i didnt think there wasnt any merit#o them. they are all very much worth watching. Movie 5 still has a lot of very enjoyable stuff in it (there's a showdown in a supermarket!!#but i just want to make sure that is clear and established since transparency is good to have and i dont want anyone's viewing experience t#be ruined because they weren't given the proper warning#if it's any consolation it's my understanding that even the directors hated doing the jokes#iirc Keiichi Hara really didn't like doing the jokes and i think had a talk with the mangaka Yoshito Usui and was like 'uh dude this is#gonna age horribly can we maybe not'#ironically Hara's first film is Movie 5. which is again the biggest offender#BUT! that is my spiel. my understanding is that it's contained to those 6 or 7 first movies and i think is strictly just a movie thing#so please do give these films a watch but just be mindful at the same time#if anyone needs recommendations my favorites have been movies 4 and 9 but i genuinely really enjoyed every one that i have seen#i've seen the first 11 and a half movies (need to finish 12) and movie 22. the worst i've felt about one is 'oh that was pretty good!'#each film has its own merit and is very very very much worth watching#22 was the first Shin-chan anything i watched and all my Shin-chan expert friends say 4 is a good introductory piece#in case that influences anything/makes it easier to break in#so. thus concludes my spiel#csc#vid
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
my experience with maxing out the twins' friendship is just-
Hawke: So, Carver, my dear baby brother who I love and adore, I only need +10 more points to max out your friendship. I've done the grind; through gritted teeth I've kissed templar ass so that we don't raise suspicion. I've supported and defended you and let you take the lead whenever I could. You're my favorite warrior. I took you to the Deep Roads with me because you desperately wanted to go and then made you a warden and you found a place, a purpose. I've practically written my own guide on how to earn as much friendship with you because I love you and it's totally worth it so can I please please have the last +10...? Carver: Hawke: Carver please I'm begging you Carver: Carver: +5 Friendship Hawke: AAUUGGGHHLKSAJDLKAJSDLK-
Hawke: So, Bethany, my dear sis- Bethany: +50 Friendship Hawke: Bethany: :)
#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#bethany hawke#carver hawke#i love them both they're my favorites#but oh my god the grind of maxing out carver's friendship because it's absolutely worth it and then playing another run with bethany#where i blinked and suddenly her friendship was maxed out was a wild experience sksksk#and it's interesting to think about how carver is 'difficult' when it comes to getting friendship whereas bethany already starts with +50#so it's easier to max her out just by being kind to her and doing her quests early#but after act 1 carver becomes so much softer when your friendship is high with him BUT bethany? i'm leaning more toward making her a warde#and i know she's going to be so resentful of me for it despite having maxed friendship like that's so fascinating??#how the twins start off on such opposite ends with different attitudes toward hawke?? and how after act 1 they switch??#well for the warden routes anyway... i refuse to let carver join the templars and i really REALLY don't want bethany to go to the circle#she won't be happier there no one can convince me she's happier as a circle mage... 'accepting your place' isn't the same as being happy#carver can find a place he's content with whereas bethany is screwed over either way since her magic isn't something she can just let go of#like yes both twins are bitter that they didn't survive the deep roads but carver's always worn his bitterness on his sleeve#whereas bethany felt she had to hide hers because she felt she had to be grateful for the sacrifices her family made for her#and now they are both trapped and free at the same time... carver just happens to thrive but bethany feels she traded one cage for another#ugh the hawke twins THE HAWKE TWINS Y'ALL#I just want them to be happy and loved and alive... why is that too much to ask for??
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finn wore extensions for s4 and also had a wig on in s1-3, so I’m confused why people think Finn’s current hairstyle is gonna match Mike’s for s5 🤔
#byler#also the picture announcing filming starting was taken like early December during the table read#it wasn’t taken moments before the cameras started rolling or something#i rly don’t care either way#i do get being intrigued based on time jump implications#but finn generally rocks a wig or extensions at least in s4#so… sorry to ppl that were thinking that was his official cut for the season#if s5 picks up where s4 ended then his hair is just gonna look like that for the first couple eps#then after the time jump it’ll either grow longer or he’ll cut it and it’ll still be in an 80s style#similar to what he rocked in s4#otherwise that would be kind of a big change over 1 season and I don’t see that happening#it’s likely his hair now is cut in a way that makes extensions/wigs easier to apply if anything#if the s1 cut made a comeback i would be genuinely surprised#but if you’re a supporter I’ll throw in some hope on your behalf 🙏
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
At this point my blocked blogs list on this blog is extemely extensive and if anyone approaches me asking why I've blocked them the answer is 99% likely to be because you thought it appropriate to talk about your trauma on 10 notes personal post rb.
I mean it's weird how this keeps happening, but I think people need to develop some sort of etiquette cause what the hell.
This is a rb website, sure! You can do whatever you want. Except I can see your reblogs and read everything you say even if I don't want to because who would even consider turning notifications off on a post they didn't think anyone would rb with that, let alone rb in general? "Talking in tags" rules don't apply to posts like that.
Unless you are initiating a conversation with me specifically, I don't need to hear how depressed you've been in my notifications out of nowhere when I don't even know you. You're not talking into a void like you would on a 10k note post, you're all but yelling into my face. Have some semblance of courtesy and understand how this website works. Or else I'll whack you away with a block. Final warning.
#jay rambles about life.txt#Jay gets serious for once#this is largely why I stopped being personal on this blog#the rbs range from genuinely triggering to mildly annoying#but more than that I don't want you to have my personal fears and low moments on your page because reblogs make them#permanently uneraseable even if I wanted to. do you get that? don't fucking do this.#and sure I could turn off rbs but that's so much hassle it's not worth the effort to anymore#anyway. *whack* behave. be normal. I'm a person on the internet I'm not your therapist OR a soulless post producer#if you think I'm gonna respond to your traumadumping (pardon for misuse of the term it's easier to explain it that way)#when you've genuinely someone I've never seen before and talked to before after than you miscalculated#not after overstepping a common sense boundaries like this. good be with ya#I'd rather prefer you send me an anon where I actually have a choice in how to deal with that if that's what you're going for#for the record it's /nbh rn y'all are sweethearts. but every once in a while these kind of notifs pop up and make me question everything#'haha just like me when-' this is a post I made about my mental health. make your own.
8 notes
·
View notes