#i think ive covered everything so like
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eepiest little man in the building
#HIS EARS ARE SO BIG HELP#so ive heard type shit#he has a habit of tilting his head back when he’s being petted like he fucking CONKS it back its so funny#we visited a cat cafe today I wanna go back again… there are so many of them#the room was really well maintained like we wore shoe covers and everything. and there’s a back room for the cats to go if they wanna#tap out so thats nice. BUT THIS LIL GUY. OHHHHH LIL MAN#he looks almost completely black but he seems to have these slightly darker stripes which are hard to see..??#THERES ALSO AN ENORMOUS MAINE COON NICKNAMED THE KING OF THE ROOM? HES HUGE JESUS CHRIST#made friends with a curious white and orange one who looked like he was thinking of pouncing down on me#and a very VERY pretty white and silver point with blue eyes who was happy to greet everyone#my brother was stuck on the floor bc a Persian that snubbed everyone else looked at him like ‘you. your lap is MINE’#and kept him there for 20 minutes. another cat wanted a turn but the Persian claimed him ;w;#my brother was popular with the cats bc they could probably sense he’s the calmest person in the room LOL#diary#yapping#cats#I wanna go back again sometime…
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Im gonna need your like, whole musical rec list, bc literally every song you have posted has not flopped once, give me your faves i need to eat them
OUGHHH YOUVE UNLOCKED THE BEAST ARGSHHFHJDF....
in the interest of making this both easily accessible but not stretching the dashboard, im embedding bandcamp links when i can, otherwise linking to youtube when unavailable
in no particular order, inclusion based mostly on what im still actively into LMAO but also just things you should give a go at least once:
list of artist recommendations
zeal and ardor: described as a mix of african-american spirituals and black metal. try devil is fine, you aint coming back, wake of a nation or church burns
bloodywood: indian folk metal, literally nobody is doing it like them. recently featured in monkey man (2024), try chakh le, yaad or dana dan
stromae: if youve never heard any of his songs WHAT ARE YOU DOING..... incredible lyricist, described as a blend of hip hop/electronic. papaoutai made the rounds on tumblr a while back, but you should also try santé and l'enfer
alamat: pinoy pop. a youtube commenter described them as sounding like 2nd gen kpop which probably also explains why i took a shine to them LMAO, notable for the amount of filipino culture on display and the diversity thereof (singing in different languages, themes). first heard them thru kasmala either here or on twitter lmao, try aswang or maharani
andy bull: alt-pop. a lot of poppy and upbeat songs with a melancholic undertone imo. an australian artist, try it's all connected or keep on running
cosmo sheldrake: electronic, wikipedia also lists him as folktronica and baroque pop. you may have heard the song come along on an apple ad - hes known for sampling sounds from nature. pliocene for example features sounds from endangered ecosystems.
if you like cosmo sheldrake, you might like hidden orchestra (electronica, ambient). also making use of field recordings, i really love the archipelago mixtape but its a hard sell at about an hour lmao. if you like the following song then i implore you to give it a go
son lux: experimental, you may have heard from them in the entire soundtrack for everything everywhere all at once (!!!!!). try dangerous, dream state (brighter night) or live another life.
ammar 808: electronic/world fusion, also behind bargou 08 (folk rock you should also listen to). i just cant get ain essouda out of my head, but i also love geeta duniki
miyavi: j-rock, used to be a visual kei artist. these days he might be known more for anime openings like flashback (kokkoku) or other side (id:invaded), or for work like snakes in arcane (or actually inspiring and voicing a character in it), but ive always been partial to his early work like sukkyanen myv or ashita, genki ni naare
songs/albums
'threads' album by now, now (indie rock).
'dream to make believe' or 'what to do when you are dead' by armor for sleep (rock, emo). here's the truth about heaven from the latter album
i already posted about it but denzel curry's 13lood 1n + 13lood out mixx (rap, trap) is extremely good
the guilty gear soundtracks and im so serious im not fucking joking. different kinds of rock and metal and all sorts of influences put in, a genuine labor of love. xrd and earlier games are mainly instrumental with some vocal tracks (try give me a break or big blast sonic), while strive pretty much always includes vocals (of course i need to rec rock parade, but also try requiem. its genuinely hard for me to pick and choose lmao)
not an album and not an artist
coke studio pakistan and coke studio bangla knocking it out of the fucking park, im particularly a fan of harkalay and kotha koiyo na. you could try the other coke studios too (tamil, india, etc)
triple j like a version is when the radio station triple j brings in artists and has them do a cover of a song (artists choice). i liked denzel curry's cover of bulls on parade and flume's shooting stars (video for this one is incredible, man had a vision you just have to stick it out), but you get a lot of interesting interpretations like the wombats' running up that hill, gordi's in the end or, infamously. the wiggles' elephant
ive DEFINITELY missed out some, but thats what my music tag is for LMAO i hope someone discovers something they like here!!!!
#ive tried to include a mix of songs that covers their range..#includes the ones i like but ALSO is easiest on newcomers#particularly with the metal bands LMAO#eg church burns isnt really my favorite on the album but i remember it being the song i started with#specifically because someone in the reviews said it would be the easiest to start with. and they were right#also miyavi HAD to be here ive been a fan since GRADE SCHOOL#if ive recommended an album and not the artist its probably because im not a huge fan of their other stuff LMAO either cos#theyve moved away from what ive recommended stylistically (armor for sleep or now now)#or i havent gotten to a lot of the other stuff/its not my thing (denzel curry. sorry)#i liked the song ricky but a lot of the discography just isnt what i listen to rip#honestly it was so hard to choose AHSDUSDF i tried to choose artists that i really think others should listen to#but yeah obviously some are just there because. /i/ like them lol#wait not me reading the ask properly again and seeing that the focus was MY faves ASHDSDFSDHFBSDf#i got too excited at the prospect of recommending music#sonochinosodomy#ask#Bandcamp#music#obviously this couldnt be Everything... but ive done my best#to pare it down.............#long post
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE
#★ arin rambles#‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you#AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY#OH MY LORD#OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS.#MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I#AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video#‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE#I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY#Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute#HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO.#Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever#any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU#IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY#IM COVERED IN DIRT#IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN#oh goodness me oh my#im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick#Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE!#guys…. he my favorriet…#my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything#hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM*#yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW#IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY?#oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut#ly DOOMED#yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton#TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE#i womder how crazy i look right now#Sighs lovingly at him..
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I DEEPLY miss the era of being an online artist and being able to have a page with detailed customization and SLATHERING it with your ocs, your art, your friends, other artists you looked up to, etc . And striving to make it really POP, but like, not as a form of… “branding” or trying to sell your aesthetic, back then it was literally just “hiii look at my ocs :3c i made this page myself with basic html and i had fun!! Look look look!!”, i miss pagedolls, i miss pixel art, i miss old school deviantart and tumblr where we actually cared about each other’s page themes , i miss artists being a more intertwined community instead of being forced to focus on what is the most “palatable” !! I wish we didn’t have to sell an easy-to-swallow “brand” to survive, i just want to create, and i miss when there were platforms FOR artists, yknow?
#ughhh.. bark bark bark. not to sound like an old man but i miss ye olden days when you could customize more than a banner and a pfp.#im so tired of minimalist online spaces. i want 1000 stamps and blinkies and a dancing lil gif of my ocs!!!#im thinking about starting a MySpace page now that im getting more into coding#i miss old deviantart so bad i remember like 10 years ago when da was actually fun#the only website i can think of that has this level of customizability is … toy house#and nothing against th tbh but ive just never been able to Get Into It#i should probably try??? it seems like a decent artist community#but i want MORE of that. i want my page covered in EVERYTHING top to bottom no blank white empty space#rrrr. ok im done. bark bark#j barks
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pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.
#pulp speaks#anyways guys youre never going to guess what au ive been thinking of lately .#i know the correct way to go about this is make sidestep the main character but you see#i will not be doing that. and actually in fact i will not be following the storyline of persona 5 in the slightest. because lol#but morgana exists in this au purely because i dont think the others would survive without him explaining what the metaverse is 💀#the rangers are a team of detective for the public sector in this au#and dr mortum is an unassuming everyday scientist that should not peak the rangers interest in any way. at all#in the video game that exists in my head the player can pick between playing julia or ricardo#it doesnt change the storyline that much but it does make the character relationships funky so#in my head chen is best friends with julia and argent is best friends with ricardo#chen and ortega stumble into the metaverse together so if you pick julia its two best friends in a life or death situation#but if you pick ricardo its your sisters best friend+kinda your boss in a life or death situation which personally i find extremely funny#regardless of which ortega you play with the other one doesnt know about the metaverse until id say like. the end of the first palace? beca#use thats when they start getting suspicious#and because this is ortega they follow them and find out about the metaverse that way#i dont think they become a phantom thief but i think they do end up covering the others asses irl#dr mortum still isnt actually a doctor but i think theyre the one providing medicine to them at the start of the game#theyre extremely wary of the rangers at the start and ortega can barely convince them to sell them things which they still charge-#-extremely high over. i think the turning point comes when they discover the metaverse because holy fuck they are So excited about it#both because of the implications and what the metaverse could be used For#chen is not thrilled about letting them know this but theyre kind of their supplier so its not like he can argue#i think mortum joins the phantom thieves eventually but as a navi#obviously its in their best interest to provide everything for free now that theyre part of the team but they still have to order supplies-#-so i think the way it works out in game is that theres certain days supplies can be ordered and you have to pay for it but the items can b#-picked up at any day of the week#but also i have no idea how that would work practically (its all in my head anyway so it doesnt actually matter but yk)#theres still more thoughts about this but im ✨running out of tags✨ and also i cannot organize my thoughts enough to explain it#im not main tagging this its going to be my silly self indulgent au for eternity ok
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so it’s totally okay if u don’t wanna answer, but when do you think the next chapter of dragonsong will be out? i know writing block can happen — trust me, i am NO stranger — but an update on what’s going on with the story would be cool! like if life is just too much rn you can just say that and that’s totally fine :) honestly i will wait till the end of time for this fic, it’s too good 😭
hi!! no worries, i appreciate the question ^_^ it's fair too, i don't think ive really mentioned what's going on outside of like. tags on various personal text posts tht u'd have to hunt down. honestly i'm a little shy talking abt it or some of my other og projects on here LMAO which is mostly just. that's how i Am and i know most of my followers that i have now are here for my art and maybe my insane ramblings from time-to-time
anyways, atm i don't really have a clear date for when i'll get the next one out... it's still sitting in my files and i Still have an outline for what i want to happen in it + the next few chapters planned out right till the fic's conclusion. but yeah, planning versus execution is a whole other beast.
i Do want to finish it so much, and i Will... its mostly just various combinations of irl, writer burnout, and i've kind of also just been enjoying getting better at art more these past few months - so i'm doing that in my free time instead of writing x_x. so i guess the state of it rn is temporary hiatus?
i've considered some ways in which it might be easier to say, trick my brain into continuing too LOL. i could try putting out shorter chapters, but i worry if itll upset the flow of all the other chapters that came beforehand... feel free to let me know or any other potential ideas and i'll see what i can do!
#remember at the start when i was doing weekly/biweekly updates tht were like 5k+ each. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME#it is Literally halfway finished i just need to kick myself into gear for the rest.... its just. a lot o|-<#ty for the ask though ^_^ im glad people still enjoy my work even if i havent updated in a while.... sniffs#ive already promised that even if i took long breaks ill still come back to finish it and that still holds true so. dw abt that#its just about finding whatll work best for me and my motivation + making sure i dont burn out. if that makes sense#uhmmm i think that about covers everything for now... ty once again ^_^#ask#verwrites#long post#SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING okay we're good now i think
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On the Alien Stage covers....something about how in Till's round, he solo-ed it and how in the covers, he's always in a duet. Something about how he's so independent and rebellious and yet also so confined....
#fandom spamdom#note's notes#alien stage#anyway i listened to the covers and MIZI AND SUA#like mizi absolutely DESTROYED and overtook till on that??#and the way sua's take on ruler of my heart was so much sadder and also eerie??#like shes telling us shes gonna haunt the narrative????#or something?#or maybe ive just been to seeped in orv and think everything is about narrative#but ARJSIGODFJSIDJRERe
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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Ive said this alot on my instagram but like i genuinely am so excited to see the kotlc book 10 cover , something about jasons artstyle is so !!!!! HKSJSNM
I know the day it gets revealed im going to do 2 seperate analysis one for theories and one for just art . Like rendering and composition
I also really wanna see whos gonna be on it and the color scheme !!!!
I could talk about the kotlc covers for hours oh my god
#theyre all my favorites#the one ive been thinking alot about lately is the everblaze one its so pretty !!! its like different from the rest in terms of posing and#perspective#my least favorite is stellarlune though and thats saying that i do like it#its just like the least one i like#what i didnt like is just the composition if felt a little plain and off compared to the rest#everything else is pretty#this is me analyzing the art#AUHSHSJN !!!!!!!! I want to know what book 10 s cover is gonna be#kotlc#anyways the whole point of this is theres no way im the only one this obsessed over the covers like i rarely see anyone talk about them#i also have a whole page on my notes app dedicated to what the book 10 cover could look like ..#not to mention i did draw a cover imagine for book 10 a few months ago#THIS ISNT NORMAL !! please does anyone else feel the same way
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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i think if i go to work today i may actually explode or turn into a puddle of mush or some other sort of physical manifestation of a mental breakdown
#i mean i will still go it wouldnt be fair on my coworkers#but fucking hell i dont want toooooo#so anxious!!!! and for what!!!!!#did maybe have a little cry at work yesterday and yet that apparently wasnt enough to get it out of my system#i hate customers can they go die please#sick of being humiliated constantly!!!! all my life ive felt constantly humiliated!!!! humiliated as a child continue to be humiliated by my#disabilities and body malfunctioning as an adult!!!! and now humiliated everyday by rich middle class customers who think they are better#than me and that anyone who works in fast food must be stupid!!!!! which is not true!!!!! but even if it was thats no reason to look down#on someone!!!!!!#hateeee that i feel like i as a person am being sold as a product too hate that i have to have a name badge and be perceived want to hide#under my covers in my flat and only think about a-yao forever#how a-yao put up with constant and worse humiliation for so long is actually insane#<-linking everything back to ayao to make me feel better lol
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Just saw a TikTok complaining about fanfics that didn't have "enough dialogue" because "reading more than three sentences" was hard.
I'm not against heavy dialogue-oriented fics; they are fun, but... that's a script. You want to read a fucking script, hope you know that. A writer isn't "bad" because they are... you know, writing. Just say it isn't your thing and move on, but categorize something as "bad" because you lack the ability to fucking read... ain't the author's problem; it seems like a "you" one.
#im training myself into a descriptive writing style and reading that was a slap in the face... it's not that i dont like dialogue but#i need to convey feelings showing them as I want to I can't have that just with dialogue I WISH I was good enough to do that tho#because there's people who can but im not so-#the other day i saw a girl complaining about a book having WORDS what the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU#SHOW ME FEELINGS SHOW ME METAPHORS SHOW ME YOUR SOUL IN WRITTEN WORDS#I JUST THINK people aren't reading as much as they used to... just a thought after seeing people on booktok#like... you have books.... for what exactly? pretty colors? covers? just to say you have them for the aesthetics and go home#???? god ... the art of the written word is beautiful and unique to humans it lets out your soul and your spirit in paper bringing your min#into the physical word and you are just gonna call it BORING what the HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#KAFKA WE REALLY ARE IT NOW#in a world where everything has to be fast and immediate we should look into art as something worth waiting for... idk man my thoughts#maybe im just too dense with my feelings with creation and ain't that deep but to me it is actually...#ive wanted to be a writer since I learned how to read not because I liked to write but because my soul gets a little lighter when I do it
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ughhhhhh i really want to get a new piercing but i can't decide on what i wantttttt
#cant do any oral piercings rn (sad! theyre what i want the most) bc one day i may get braces or jaw surgery. if i ever get dental#insurance that will cover it that is...... but i rlly rlly want snakebites. but i should wait.#thinking i want smth ppl can see over my mask so no more nose piercings rn. maybe eyebrows? or like ears obviously but there's too#many for ears for me to decide what's best. maybe just a second lobe piercing? or a daith. idk ive just been thinking on it for a few#weeks and i kinda just want smth new#or maybe i should get a tattoo....... actually no i feel like i could not handle getting tattoos until i plan out every detail of#everything abt them. or maybe not. hmm idk i'd like for things to be cohesive bc i do have Plans that will probably never come to#fruition abt what i want tattoo-wise but maybe i should just say fuck it and get smth anyway#or maybe i should just paint my nails and see if the urge to get permanent changes goes away (i doubt it but who knows)
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playing around with the romance scene mod and shri'iia's braid laying on her hip ............omfg............ok rapunzel...............!!!!!!!
#now i want to draw this................i dont think ive properly drawn long braid/pre oathbreaking/lolth stan shri'iia .......#ive sketched her but never finished anything as per my usual#ive hc that she likes clutching on her braid or its just wrapped around her sometimes#also her braid has a bunch of smaller braid weaving into it. like it's supposed to look like a spider's web but i think as time goes on#it gets progressively plainer bc she doesnt have enough time to sit down and braid the whole thing loool#then it gets chopped off anyway. but post alien abduction her braid was pretty elaborate#and the Paladin Outfit looking shiny and new... like its so very clear she got it recently#but anyway tiefling party i think she'll have her hair down. or maybe not bc i like the idea that astarion just untangles it. or he pulls#the tie off and her hair just gradually unravels while theyre rolling around on the grass like a couple of rats#but morning after her hair is loose and it's actually so very long and wavy..! and it's pooled around her/covering her bits while he's ther#sunbathing bc idk why he couldnt be bothered to give her a blanket lmfao. and i think after that scene i like the idea that she goes off to#wash up but actually she's just standing in the middle of the lake staring at her reflection#and that's when everything is slowly dawning on her that she's been forsaken and she's!! panicking..!!!#but from the outside pov she's just standing at the middle of the lake staring at the water#naked with her big ass hair pooling around her like tendrils#shut up about bg3.
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