#i think its so funny. sorry i think its sooooo funny
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broke-on-books · 3 days ago
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*sigh.* okay I know this post has a lot of notes so this has likely been said many times before (so sorry) but from what I can see from the picture, this is actually NOT a Spanish (Christian kingdoms of Spain) fortress! Kind of. At least not in the way described in the post. Let me explain.
Now I'm not Spanish myself, I just study this stuff, but I've spent a decent amount of time visiting places like the one in this photo (twice. I've been there.) and studying history and architecture from this period so this claim immediately threw up a bunch of red flags for me. Because uhhhh. Muslims clearly built this fortress.
And when I say "this fortress" I'm referring to the Alhambra. Yeah, this Alhambra.
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Ok so basically while I can't confirm 100% this is the Alhambra because none of the angles on the digital tour or in my own photos show that specific angle (notably, the broken wall) I can say with near certainty that he's at the Alhambra. Look at the photo again:
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You can see similar features in the 2nd photo (an image I captured of the Alhambra this summer!) The strange point [location 1] in the background of our picture (NOT typical of Moorish architecture) would then be part of the Palace of Carlos V (King of Spain), where we can see the architecture style is markedly different.
& don't play the fortress vs. palace game with me! While our guy above is clearly standing somewhere in the Alcazaba (fortress portion, on the right), the oldest portion of the site, we can see similar buildings below Carlos V's palace, those being the palaces of the Nasrid dynasty, the series of Muslim rulers who were defeated when Ferdinand and Isabel took Grenada in 1492, ending the reconquista and taking the Alhambra as their own seat of power.
Basically the joke here (while funny!!) Isn't accurate because his claim that the Spanish built this fortress is incorrect bc even if it wasn't the Alhambra (which it totally is) it means that the Spanish would had to have built a fortress specifically following the styles and architecture of their enemy sometime during the centuries of reconquista instead of just. taking over a muslim-built fortress and adding a few of their own bits and pieces (maybe). Which like they're known for doing.
Like there are some historically Christian-built buildings that exist in imitation of Muslim architectural styles that do exist in Spain - aka the Mudéjar art style (ex: Pedro I's Palace in the Alcázar of Sevilla for one) but you wouldn't see that with a fortress??? Idk this got long but it's a strange claim that any Christian king would have built this, especially if it is (it is) the Alhambra which is like very famously and very clearly Islamic site. Like in the palaces they have Quran verses engraved into the walls and everything. Like that's literally what it's known for?? Also the founding purpose wouldnt be to "keep the Muslims out" it would just be to keep other ppl out. Bc thats what a fortress is for. Also Muslims built it.
TLDR; the joke is funny but does not work historically with the location pictured (where it makes no sense), which was used for essentially the exact opposite purpose described in the post. So anyways love the spirit but he would have made more sense going for a "reverse reconquista" joke instead
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dhmis-autism · 8 months ago
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unreciprocated loserfail yaoi hours
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mamawasatesttube · 11 months ago
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i have to admit the phrase "curate your experience!" is kind of a pet peeve to me at this point. like i agree with the sentiment i LOVE the block button she is like a wife to me. and don't even get me started on tag exclusion my sweet darling. however the people who say "ummm just block people and tags sweaty :)" every time someone complains they dislike something are so . like. sorry you guys don't understand that sometimes bitching about stuff on your own personal blog is a way to process negative emotions and move on. sorry you guys don't understand the noble art of haterism or whatever. get well soon
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lesbiangiratina · 10 months ago
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One of a chain autistic & one key note in the symphony autistic best friends forever
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wherenymphsroam · 4 months ago
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can we . stop making commenting on people’s weights. like just in general please
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soobvape · 2 months ago
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i need brownies so fucking bad rn
#⠀ᶻᶻ⠀turn it up!⠀#unrelated croomf has pissed me off to immeasurable amounts. reduced back to oomf#overthat#anyway#DY piece tn i need it to go#and also this song is soooo minhui i threw up everywhere#decided for better or for worse that kit will be implemented here instead of in the group w kyun.. kyun works best on his own for me idk#he’s not gnna have a massive part (for now) and i dont plan on him leaving 127 to join BB or anything so he’ll def stay on the side#buttttt i did start up a little gogo piece through his eyes#i rly like the idea of never writing in gg’s pov does that jst make me sound rly lazy#BECAUSE!!!!! IM NOT!!! well i am but not w this hear me out#he puts on so many faces with everyone and even if with some he’s more ‘him’ than with others he’s never really actually#gone the whole way bared his soul the whole shebang to everyone bar like one person. so he’s kinda lonely AS EFF!!!#and idk i js like the idea of him being (when u get down 2it) a stranger. he doesnt even wanna show himself to the narrative IJBOLLL#sooooo yeah. it does kinda sound like a cop-out 4 if he acts like a different person in every piece but i think ive been p consistent so#that one person was in dream btw.. he left partly because he was bored and felt like he’d end up going nowhere and#partly because he was HUMILIATED by doing all that he needed to pack his bags and get the fuck out its kinda funny#mention ** to him and he’ll look like that pic of that one 2000 yard stare soldier its serious#worse than saying ‘hyeonmin and jaehee are in the same room rn haha’ to yijun.. but barely anyone will ever find that out#ANYWAY! i like to think kit + cherryade are the closest to seeing minhui as he is right after redacted explosions gunshots#‘im on fire and i’ve got to break out’ + ‘i've had enough of this got to break it through’ LIKE ITS HIMMM!#and dont even mention the ‘got to leave all trouble living life on the double’ I HATE THIS OSNGGGG#They made it for him. IDGAF if it came out in 2001.#ok sorry for yapping i might go make toast
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ratatatastic · 3 months ago
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completely obsessed with ekky and luosty going to warm up together and they see the "best finnish nhl player (not from your own team)" question sign and ekkys like "i cant think of one" and when they come back luostys like "go answer (points at the sign)" and ekkys like "well im not gonna settle on dallas" and just walks away LIKE GIRL THERE ARE OTHER FINNISH PLAYERS IN THIS LEAGUE????? YOU CAN CHOOSE ANY NUMBER OF THEM??? THE THOUGHT PROCESS HERE IS BAFFLING
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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 2 years ago
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what kind of cratures do you think the trigun gang would be?
CREATURES IN GENERAL OR SEA CREATURES. BECAUSE MY FRIEND MONTY N I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT TRIGUN FURSONAS THE OTHER DAY. but i am the sea creature guy at heart so im gonns give u those i hope that is ok 😌 there are many benefits to being a marine biologist.
Vash: he is... so very shark coded to me. everyone looks at him and sees a dangerous killing machine. frequently covered in scars. do u see the connection here. he is specifically a thresher shark to me because of the whole sharpshooter thing and also the sad sad puppydog eyes 💙
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Wolfwood: i am torn between two different types of eels for him. giant morays are more aesthetically pleasing but personally i have to go with a wolf eel both for the name and because ive worked with these guys before and theyre sooooo cool so im biased
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Meryl: not technically a sea creature because she is just so bird coded to me. White-Tailed Tropicbird
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Milly: is it cheating to have two cephalopods on this list. because i think i really want to say giant pacific octopus for milly. either that or a whale shark 💙 yes those are two completely different animals no i will not be taking criticism at this time
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bonus Knives because i love him and i feel the most strongly about this one:
BOBTAIL SQUID.
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... and also a bristle worm . for what i hope are obvious reasons
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#NORMALLY THOUGH meryl is an egyptian plover#shes sooooo so very much an egyptian plover. hold on i made a post about that the other day ill reblog it again for u :] hehe#i worked at an aquarium last year and every time we would pull a bristleworm out of one of our tanks id be like ohhh my god its knives.....#i love every opportunity to push my sea creature knives agenda. hes so sea creature to me. hes so marine biologist to me.#OH MY GOD ALSO LIVIO. LIVIO IS A GOLIATH GROUPER TO ME . <3#side note also . have you ever seen that picture of a hermit crab using a human skull as a shell#(<< the image is fake its photoshopped BUT)#thats legato. to me. except with a blueleg hermit crab. he is a blue leg hermit crab with a human skull for a shell#which is bullshit because i dont think legato deserves something that cool but alas it is unfortunately perfect for him#(<< this is /j i think legato is a cool and interesting character#i just think he has a punchable face and like 2 pretend i hate his guts cause its funny)#HI !!!! THANK U FOR GIVI G ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABT SEA CREATURES ILY <3333#asks#madnessmadness#sorry if u meant like... actual land creatures. unfortunately i am the fish guy forever <3#YES I REALIZE VASH AND KNIVES ARE TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT CREATURES AND THAT MAKES NO SENSE BC THEYRE TWINS#BUT LIKE. I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT BOTH OF THOSE THINGS#i could be persuaded to make knives a shark if needed bc there are so many cool shark species i could assign to him#but like. hes just soooo bobtail squid coded to me ive been saying that since i first saw his fuckin. snuggie in tristamp
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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I feel so fucking feral over any podium with ticker tape, THE PICTURES ARE SOOOOOO GOOD!!! And like...they shoot the ticker tape during the champagne...so it sticks to everything and everyone 🫠😵‍💫
#i turn into such a carfucker over any pictures where the ticker tape is sticking to the cars#brazil.....best podium ever...#its so funny bcs all my phone backgrounds are Seb rn but then theres one thats just the tire marbles covered in ticker tape 😭#but idk i was looking at pics from germany 2012 where they have golden tape#WHICH LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD#but the way its sticking to their skin and racesuits i feel so unwell#yeah sorry this is so weird i just think its so incredibly visually appealing#itd be fun to make one of those 'details' post and its just tape sticking to different things#theres these pics from some ROC where Seb has golden tape stuck on his cheek ITS JUST SO PRETTYYYYYYY#i wonder why they do it at certain gps#and god im so sad im thinking like oh i wonder if they still do it at the german gp BUT THERE IS NO GERMAN GP ANYMORE 😭#bur i think they do it at hmmmm#Australia/Brazil/Hungary/Miami etc I'm not sure which else since i dont pay as much attention to podiuks atm LMAO#but yeah idk i just feel sooooo deranged and feral about it#i think the race i have the most pics downloaded from is brazil 2010 for obvious reasons 🤭#that is probably one of my fav podiums ever top 3 probably#ALSO ALSO#theres these fucking magnificent pictures from RBR in milton keynes after their 2011 championship#and there's red white and blue ticker tape AND SEB IS WEARING MY FAV HELMET OF HIS!!! THOSE PICS ARE PERFECT!!!!!#if i wasn't committed to having a shippy pic as my of those would def be up there#anyways seriously going thru it(being obsessed over a minute thing)#catie.rambling.txt
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tiktaaliker · 2 years ago
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quick headshot of my new funky shark guy designed by @jaypgartifacts
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eddie-rifff · 1 year ago
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binging yes vids for the first time in ages. what am i a yes fan
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itsalwaysdark · 2 months ago
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ive always wanted to play dnd but truly i think its too late for me and i just dont have it
#im wayyyy too ashamed to like. roleplay nowadays due to my dark and twisted past#my dads always played dnd like my whole life we were gonna do a campaign together me him and lamp when i was 13 i was sooooo excited we#planned it 4 weeks and weeks and weeks. months even. and we were gonna do it on a sundayyy so hed be off workk and it was gonna be such an#awesome day bc we were going to the zoo in cinci first and then wed come home and play dnd my first ever time playing dnd with my dad and m#sibling and i was so excited. BLANK STARE .#so anyways ive never played dnd i like. kind of dmed one session ages ago with groomer That fucking guy and ykw but that ended afte#session 0 i was the only one who actually wanted to continue bc i rly wanted to play dnd with my friends LOLLL. its so funny in retrospect#bc i was like 13 playing dnd for the first time as a dm trying to manage 3 ppl who were all older than me#g was 18-19 tfg was 16-17 and ykw was like 14-15. and all of them had played dnd before but they were making me dm for some reason#wtvr. so that went nowhere#and then me and ykw talked abt doing a dnd thing together allll the time we were even making a campaign together but it just never ended up#happening. and then all that happened and then all of his friends would come over and play dnd together in the kitchen i wasnt allowed to b#in when they had guests over (my room (garage) could only be accessed from the laundry room which could only be accessed from the kitchen.)#so there was nowhere else i could go lol. and the walls were thin so id always just hear them laughing and having a good time and it was rl#awesome for me and im SOOOOOO glad i fucking moved to wa im actually so fucking glad about it and rly happy too im so fucking glad i got to#do that. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got upset. sorry everyone..... ill do a silly little dance as penance#anyways. i say all this to say i dont think ill ever be able to play dnd bc like ik there r like. groups or whatever you can join but that#sounds miserable and i also feel like i cant play dnd for the first time at age 20+ like. everybody else will have already played and ill#be stupid abt everything and look dumb and Even if they were my friends and not total strangers theyd fucking hate me . So yes its so sad#idk. tag apparently has started playing dnd with my dad which is nice for them genuinely im glad they get to umm. have that. ok anyways im#gonna go slam my head into a wall a whole lot of times
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tsukiida · 8 months ago
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i just scrolled through my blog and i realised i have only two modes: weird pseudo-philosophical rambling. and absolutely unhinged yelling. AND I TELL YOUUUU IT'S SO FUNNYYYYYYY because i spent so long trying to curate my voice and sound like a normal, fun, easy to approach person back when i first made this blog!
then again it's been 3.5 years so i guess my voice changed naturally 🤨 i'm not smart enough for this 😮‍💨
#nia.musings#sorry even using this tag makes me snort. wdym musing girlie. are u a philosopher. big brain? 🤩🤩 2024 me is bullying 2020 me#also not me saying “im not smart enough for this” for anything that requires me to use more than 2 braincells#couldn't be bothered trying to make sense for more a second#kickstarting my own brainless era and i wear my crown so well#also random but i'm soooooo ready to infest this blog with jjk. i probably won't do that because that piece of art traumatises me#by that i mean i like it and keep up with it far too much for someone who claims theyre traumatised#my emotional scale is SHOT because of it. more pain than preferable. but i do quite enjoy it#and considering i go through sooooo much jjk content on tumblr it's only fair that i showcase it all on my blog :3#i have about 700 draft reblogs on a sideblog i made to save posts when i wasnt active here. i made it this year but theres SO much now#also lowkey regret not being active (though i had no energy) here in 2021 2022 2023 because i had so many thoughts about bnha#and now it's nearly over#like what do you meannnn i didnt get to yap about my spinner era from 2021.#what do you mean my love to hate and back to love arc for dabi didnt get documented in the annals of tumblr dot com#AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY MELTDOWN LAST YEAR RE: HAWKS' QUIRK DIDNT GET PUBLICISED#this is all a joke because i for real (FR FR) had ZERO chance of being here because life was putting me through its TRIALS#still is. but that's the way life is. we go on. <3.#speaking of trials. no one here was privy (wait i think i mentioned it in an rb) to my jason grace breakdown when i found out What Happened#sucks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i wasnt made for emotional pain.#also it's funny to me how none of my followers have unfollowed me so far.#are u guys also all inactive or do u just not see me anymore because tumblr's dash algorithm gives u random posts now#thats the only thing i dislike about tumblr now. i LOVE how it lets you edit tags now. also will always miss the old layout
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moeblob · 1 year ago
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Reinhardt just like: wow what good siblings.
Fjorm horrified that her lil sister just said a bad word how dare she where did she learn that (the summoner, actually).
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Anyway I'm still happy to have seen Hrid in FEH recently. Thank you for asking.
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ghstzzn · 16 days ago
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roommates for dummies!
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pairings: lee heeseung x f!reader, jay park x f!reader, jake sim x f!reader, park sunghoon x f!reader
synopsis: desperate to get off of your bestfriends couch, you decide to reply to an ad online in search of a roommate. sure, you were skeptical about living with four men—but if anything, just desperate. it wasn't long before you started to completely regret this decision. however, some things just might be worth the stress and anger.
part one! wc: 5.7k
tags/warnings (for this part): SMUT. theres no fivesome happening (sorry..), threesome(s), fingering, rough sex, unprotected sex, pullout method, oral ( m rec), deepthroating, cum eating/cum play/just cum stuff ig, voyeurism, degradation, name calling, some praise, manhandling, sex standing up idk just trust me, no aftercare, silly bit at the end, heeseung thinks he's sooooo funny! that's it for this part i believe.
🍊: havent posted smth fr in awhile kind of nervous. not much happens except sex but thats the point of this. by the way this is one of three/four parts ♡ enjoy and Uhhhhhh uhhhuhhh uhhhhhhhh
masterlist / part two
MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT
you savored every second you spent outside of your new home.
sure, you were beyond grateful to have a place to live. in fact, you were lucky considering how quickly you got in this situation. losing your old place due to unforeseen circumstances, a.k.a, your ex boyfriend kicking you out of his apartment after you caught him cheating on you despite you paying more than half of his rent.
though, you figured his new girlfriend could handle that portion now.
you crashed on your friends couch for a few days, actively searching for anyone looking for a new roommate. she assured you that you could stay as long as you needed, and there was no need to rush, but you were stubborn and had quite the false sense of being independent. 
which is why you clicked on the first ad you saw. a nice five bedroom house, the spare having its own bathroom and it was closer to campus unlike your last apartment. you couldn’t find much information on the poster, but you were desperate so you quickly dialed in the number on screen and waited while it rang.
you were taken aback when a male voice loudly boomed from the other side. you pulled the phone away from your ear and double checked the number— it was typed in correctly.
“hello?” he spoke again. “hellooooooo-”
“uh, sorry.” you cleared your throat. “i saw an ad online that you were looking for a new roo-”
the male cuts you off, “yeaahhh. man, was wondering when someone would respond.” you cringe at the way he interrupted you. “you lookin’ for someone else? no offense but you sound a little… y’know, like a girl.”
you let out a sigh, nodding even though he couldn’t see you, “i’m calling for myself… i wasn’t aware you were a man but– actually, i’m a little desperate.”
“yeah? desperate?” he chuckles. you raise an eyebrow at the response. “alright, can you meet me here then?”
caught off guard once more by the sudden eagerness of the stranger, you stuttered out a quick yes.
“cool. i’ll text you the address n’ shit.”
the phone hangs up, not sparring you a moment to respond. you blink as you stare at your phone, watching as you receive a few messages from the number you had just called. 
at least you had other options if this didn’t go as planned.
jake spun around in the barstool at the kitchen island, letting out a puff of air as he waited patiently.
“you waiting for something?” jake turns his head towards the voice. jay walks through the kitchen, chewing on some kind of protein bar.
the antsy male leans forward against the counter, “our new roomie. she said she’d be here ten minutes ago.”
“oh.” jay responds before stopping in his tracks as he actually lets jakes words enter his brain. “wait, what? new roommate? she?”
“yeah man,” jake lets out another huff. “she’s late.”
“no, run that back.” the other male draws circles into the air. “when the fuck did we get a new roommate? and why is it a woman?”
“we have a new roommate?” another voice rings through the kitchen.
jake turns around in his chair with a sigh, “yes guys! jeez, you all need to learn patience– she’ll be here soon.”
“she?” the voice, belonging to heeseung, questions. 
“that’s what i’m wondering!”
“ladies please, one at a time.” the male stands from his seat. “we have a new roommate, yes. she’s a woman, also yes.”
heeseung furrows his eyebrows, thinking for a moment before jay speaks up once more, “don’t we get a say in this? or at least some type of interview?”
“is she hot?” heeseung chimes in immediately after, receiving a scoff from jay.
“totally.” jake snickers. “her voice told me enough about her. sounded so nervous too, it was cute.”
“you don’t even know what she looks like?”
“you seriously only think with that dick of yours.” heeseung comments, shaking his head.
“says you!” jay frowns at the other roommate.
the doorbell rings twice, drawing the attention from all three males. heeseung straightens his posture, quickly checking his appearance in the reflection of the stainless steel refrigerator. jay finishes his protein bar in one bite and clears his throat.
jake rolls his eyes at the two, “careful now, don’t pop a boner in front of her.”
he practically skips over to the door, almost giggling out loud. he pulls the front door open just before you ring the doorbell once more. “was starting to think you weren’t gonna show.”
you look him up and down, quite shocked at the attractive face he had.
“uh, yeah, sorry about that.” you respond, clearing your throat. “traffic was heavy.”
“that’s okay, babe.” he opens the door wider, inviting you in, not even hiding the way his eyes immediately land on your ass as you walk in front of him.
your gaze immediately fell on a taller man with red hair, who you assumed was heeseung (you weren’t viewing this house without stalking the people who resided in it), now wearing a beanie and leaned over the counter with his chin resting on his hand. he shot you a crooked smile and waved his fingers at you. 
“hey roomie.”
jay looks at the man in disbelief; and so do you.
“i’m actually just here to tour and interview… right?” you turn to look at jake who shrugs.
“i mean we all agreed you could move in.”
“since whe-”
jake cuts jay off and steps closer to you, “you said you were desperate right? you don’t seem like a weirdo or a bitch so just give us a move-in date and you’re good.”
you squint your eyes at him, confused and questioning this entire thing. your friend's couch doesn’t seem like a bad idea, she even offered to renew her lease for a bigger space in a few months. 
“we promise we won't bother you or anything,” he continues, “you have your own bathroom and the door has a working lock. swear on our lives you’ll barely see us.”
before you could even respond, the front door opens and slams shut. a taller man walks past you and jake, clearly locked into whatever was on his phone. he continued to walk past the kitchen before stopping and spinning around.
“new roommate.” heeseung tells him. the other male lets out an “oh” and nods his head at you before walking away, probably to his room.
you let out a sigh and the three remaining boys turn their attention back to you.
“can i just see the room?” 
-
bothering you was the only thing these fools ever did. 
the front door shuts with a slam and you’re immediately greeted by heeseung sprawled out on the couch scrolling through his phone, completely ignoring the mess leftover from their small house party from last night. the one that kept you up half the night despite begging them to turn in early for the sake of your sanity.
you run your hands through your hair, frustrated that the house looks exactly the same as it did early this morning. well, save for the leftover food that heeseung managed to put in the fridge. kicking off your shoes, you make your way into the kitchen and grab the trash bag that was left on the counter and start tossing all the empty beer cans and disposable cups in.
heeseung looks up from his phone to find the source of the angry slams and movements, smirking when his eyes land on you.
“woah there,” he calls out to you, “wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?”
you look up from the trash bag, throwing a can in it with so much force it somehow bounces out, only fueling your anger, “save it.”
heeseung chuckles, standing up from the couch and stretching while letting out an obnoxious groan. he walks around the couch and leans against the back of it.
“are you gonna help or just stand there?” you motion towards the mess on the counters.
“no, yeah, i think i'll just stand here. i’m kind of loving this scene with you in the kitchen.” 
you look at him, disbelief written all over your face, “so you’re lazy and a misogynist, nice!”
“what? no,” heeseung looks almost offended at your accusation. “no, babe, i’m not a misogynist– i literally love pussy. i could prove that to you right now if you’d like.”
“not a misogynist, just horny. got it.” 
your roommate only shrugs and pulls out his phone once more. the carefree attitude of his was only adding to the frustration building in your chest. you cross your arms and glance around. “where are the others?”
heeseung hums, you only assume he’s using the full power of his brain as he recalls the whereabouts of the other three roommates, but really he’s only focusing on how your tits bounce ever so slightly with every angry movement if your arms.
“jake’s asleep, jay’s attending a group meditation and sunghoon… should be home in a few. why? miss them?”
you wanted nothing more than to take the metal scrub pad near the sink and scrub at the stupid smirk on his face. instead, you nod and take a deep breath.
the door opens just on cue however. sunghoon walks in, kicking his shoes off in two different directions with a bag of full of bottles clinking against each other. the noise of the liquor bottles only added to your rage.
“really? more alcohol?” you comment and point towards the counter where a few unopened and opened bottles sat. “you have all of this– plus the entire mini fridge full of drinks.”
sunghoon raises a brow at you, “okay. but that’s liquor for functions, not me.”
you wave your hands in front of you. it made zero sense to you.
the taller male looks at sunghoon, “what’s wrong with her?”
“man, i don't know.” heeseung replies with a sigh, “she came in here all pissy and started slamming shit.”
they were having a conversation about you– in front of you.
“what? why?”
he shrugs again, “like i said, don't know. maybe she should follow jay to one of his meditation sessions.”
you roll your eyes, “you’re not funny, heeseung.” he lets out a snicker. you grab a rag from the counter and chuck it in his direction.
sunghoon whistles at the action and sets the bags he was holding onto the counter.
“i’m seriously regretting this whole living arrangement.”
heeseung pouts and crosses his arms over his chest dramatically, “hey! we aren’t that bad to live with.” he protests, though his tone is playful. “at least give us a chance to redeem ourselves. look, we’ll help clean up the rest of the mess.”
you sigh and nod, it’s the least they could do but you won't protest. turning around, you glance at sunghoon, who was now storing away the liquor he had bought and the leftover bottles. 
“...except, it looks like you’ve finished.” heeseung grins. “thanks, darling.”
you shoulders fall in defeat, “i fucking hate you.”
he chuckles loudly as you study the room. he was right. you had completely cleaned the kitchen, minus the few liquor bottles that sunghoon had just stored away.
“no, no. she missed one thing.” sunghoon calls out causing the two of you to whip your heads in his direction. he crouches down and picks up the can that bounced out of the trash bag earlier and tosses it in the trash. “hah, how funny is that? it was right next to the bag too.”
heeseungs no longer holding back his laughter. you question whether or not the dude is blasted out of his mind right now because you definitely didn’t find a single thing about this funny.
“hey, chill.” sunghoon butts in, “i’ll wipe down the counters and shit.”
you turn to face him, “did you by chance buy any cleaning supplies while out?”
“no, why?”
heeseung laughs louder, wiping at his eyes. 
“i really don’t understand what could possibly be so funny about any of this.”
his laughter eventually dies down, finally shutting up. “sorry, sorry.” he clears his throat. “but seriously, thanks for cleaning up. you’re a real one for that.”
you hum and let out a sarcastic sure, heeseung nods and walks past you, patting your shoulder causing you to scrunch your face in disgust. you turn to follow his figure with your eyes, but you catch sunghoon staring at you.
“what?”
“hm, nothing. just wondering when you’re gonna snap out of your little tantrum.” he responds calmly, leaning against the counter. “it’s getting old, to be honest with you.”
you bite your lip, holding back a response to him. you watch as heeseung wipes his hand on a paper towel, throwing it on the counter right after.
sunghoon sighs dramatically, shaking his head. “seriously, what’s the big deal? nobody here is forcing you to clean up after us.”
“but it’s all the time,” you groan. “the constant parties and get-togethers you host while i’m trying to sleep after a long day or studying– then having to come out and clean it all up because you three are nowhere to be seen? i can only deal with so much.”
his expression hardens and heeseung leans against the counter with a bored expression, “well, maybe if you’d let loose for once and joined in on the fun every once in a while, instead of holing yourself up in your room like a hermit, you wouldn’t be so uptight.”
“fuck off.”
sunghoon scoffs, “my point exactly. you’re so uptight and bitchy— it’s not fun. you aren’t better than us for that.”
“sorry i don’t want to be involved in your weird ass parties.” you respond with a shrug.
“such a princess,” heeseung giggles, “always complaining, never participating. seriously, they aren’t as bad as you make them seem.” 
sunghoon nods in agreement, “yeah, i’m telling you that you’d be able to tolerate us a lot more if you cared to let go of that boring, angry personality of yours and showed up.”
you throw your hands up, more than done with the conversation. “whatever, i don’t care anymore. just… just clean up a little more. it’s all i ask.”
heeseung pouts exaggeratedly, eyeing the way you surrender in defeat “oh come on, princess. don’t be like that.” he tries to sound apologetic, “we’re only messing around with you.”
“yeah! we don’t care if you prude around alone in your room!” sunghoon adds, “but just for you, we’ll clean up after ourselves, your highness.”
“you both are childish.” you spit out, biting the inside of your cheeks as the frustration threatens to spill out in the form of tears.
heeseung grins, not at all put off by your insult, “childish? rich coming from the girl who’s about to cry from a little teasing.” he taunts, voice laced with amusement.
you scoff in response, turning around so you could leave the situation and escape to your room, but sunghoon has other plans as he steps right in front of you. his arms automatically wrap around your waist to steady you, his face mere inches away from you as you look up at him, shooting him a glare.
“where do you think you’re going, princess?” he flashes you a knowing smile, voice low and teasing.
you attempt to lean away from his face that only seems to inch closer, jumping slightly when the back of your head comes into contact with heeseungs chin. “to my room– away from the two of you.”
“oh, don’t let us stop you then.” heeseung grins from behind, his cheek nuzzling against your hair. 
“let me go then?”
“but we weren’t done,” sunghoon attempts to feign a pout, but his smirk grows stronger as he studies the way your body reacts to him, “we still have to thank you for cleaning the mess up.”
heeseung hums against your ear, “seriously. how sweet of you, doll.”
“you can thank me by leaving me alone.” you mumble, though you do nothing to back away from the situation. you couldn’t deny the way your heartbeat sped up from being sandwiched between the two, or the way your core pulsed from the way sunghoon traced small patterns into your side.
sunghoon chuckles, all knowing of what was running through your mind, “aw, but where’s the fun in that?” he asks, hands sliding down to your hips, giving them a teasing squeeze. “we love spending time with our favorite roomie.”
your hands fall on top of his, unsure on whether or not you should remove them from your hips. his eyes follow the movements of your hands, letting out a soft chuckle as he watches the way your mind struggles against the need you feel for the two.
“mm, not so fast baby.” heeseung purrs, his hot breath hitting the shell of your ear. “what did we say? gotta give you a proper thank you.”
“how?”
sunghoon smiles, looking at heeseung before turning his attention back to you. “they say actions speak louder than words,” he responds. “we’ll make sure to make it very clear just how grateful we are for you.”
you gulp as he responds, your thighs clenching together at the tone of his voice. the gaze in his eyes told you exactly what the two men wanted from you, the way they looked at you as if you were prey.
heeseung grows impatient from behind, his face nuzzling against your skin as he peppers kisses down your neck until he reaches your shoulder, biting the skin causing you to let out a gasp. he chuckles darkly before tucking his finger under the thin strap of your tank top and letting it fall off your shoulder.
he lifts his head and switches to your other shoulder, resting his chin on your shoulder as he travels his hand down your torso, reaching the waistband of your shorts.
your automatic response is to grab his hands but sunghoon shakes his head and grabs them, linking his fingers between yours and bringing them up to his shoulders. he leans in closer, his breath ghosting your cheek.
sunghoon begins planting soft but deliberate kisses against your skin, following the trail that heeseung had left earlier, kissing and sucking the bite mark left by the other male.
the man behind you takes the chance, shoving his hand down your shorts that he had undone moments before while you were distracted. he grins when he doesn’t feel any other fabric beneath your shorts.
“isn’t that just convenient?” he grins, giddy at the fact that you weren’t wearing underwear. 
“w-wait,” you stutter out, suddenly aware of where you were standing.
sunghoon grips one of your hands, guiding it over his chest, “shh, it’s fine.”
heeseungs hand dips lower, his middle finger sliding through your slit. he lets out a groan before removing his hand from your shorts but quickly yanks them down, letting them fall to your ankles.
you let out a small yelp due to the quickness of the male. he glides his finger from your dripping hold, gathering your slick and moving to your clit, tapping it a few times before pressing down. 
“can’t believe you’re already this wet just from a little bit of touching,” he groans against your shoulder. “really thought we’d have to ease you into this– but you wanted this bad, huh?”
sunghoon smirks against your neck, lifting his head, wanting to see your face as heeseung pleasures you with his fingers, “c’mon, don’t tease her. poor girl probably hasn’t been touched properly in awhile.”
“is that true?” the male behind you questions softly but teasing, “were you just waiting for one of us to fuck you stupid?”
their teasing voices combined with heeseungs fingers massaging at your clit cause you to let out a soft whine. one buck of your hips has sunghoon reaching down and holding your hips in place for heeseung to continue his attack on your sensitive bud.
“you don’t even have to respond,” sunghoon mutters, “look at the way you’re whining and squirming.”
heeseung slips a finger in your core, pumping a few times before slipping another one inside of you. the feeling of your warm cunt walls wrapped around his fingers is enough to send him reeling, he grinds his hips into your ass with a grunt. 
the male in front of you has to tighten his grip on your hips, rolling his eyes. you let out a loud moan when heeseung curls his fingers inside of you, he brings his other hand to cover your mouth.
“don’t wanna wake jakey up, do you?” his voice is low, hot breath hitting the side of your face. you shake your head desperately as he continues to finger fuck you, scissoring and curling his fingers, hitting the sensitive spot inside of you with ease.
“look at her, hee.” sunghoon mumbles, admiring the way you look between the two men, “so pretty like this, isn’t she? if i knew this was a good way to get her to shut up, i'd have done it earlier.”
heeseung chuckles darkly, lips trailing against your neck once more, “she’s so fuckin’ greedy too. literally dripping down my hand… aren’t you, baby?”
you let out a muffled whine and nod your head shamelessly. 
“yeah? you’re doing so good like this,” he continues, “but i think you need more.”
heeseung pulls his fingers out of you and removes his hand from your mouth. you’re about to question him but he’s pushing you forward while pulling your hips back against him. sunghoon holds you steady as the male behind you undoes his pants.
“take your time, hee.” sunghoon comments, slowly losing his patience. “jay’s gonna be home soon.”
“‘m fucking trying,” he mutters in response, successfully freeing his hardened cock with his one hand. “hold her still and shut up.”
sunghoon rolls his head back in irritation and tightens his grip on you.
“you’ll need to cover her mouth too. i’m not sharing her between you and jake today.”
your taller roommate doesn’t respond again but brings his hand up to your mouth with a smirk. you whimper softly through his hand when you feel heeseung slide his tip through your wetness, gathering it on his cock. he rocks his hips a few times, teasing your clit before catching onto your hole and slowly pushing in.
“fuuuck,” he hisses. “she’s so damn tight, sunghoon.”
“just fuck her,” sunghoon responds impatiently, he tilts his head down at you. “that’s what you want right, babygirl?”
you let out a muffled grunt when heeseung bottoms out inside of you. he waits only a few moments before pulling out almost completely, then pushing back inside of you with more force and speed. 
the two men have you perfectly held in place, controlling the movements of your body as heeseung speeds up his thrusts. each rock of his hips draws out a moan from you, covered by sunghoons hand.
heeseung groans softly, his pace never slowing as he takes all the pleasure he can get from your body. “she’s seriously so tight.” he growls, his grip tightening on your body. “feel that? feel how well you wrap around my cock, baby?”
your eyes squeeze shut from the pleasure. your cunt continues to squeeze around his cock as he pounds into you. sunghoon watches the way his roommates cock disappears inside of you, the way your juices glisten everytime he pulls out before slamming back in.
his own cock twitches in his pants, he’s so painfully hard and getting impatient. sunghoon wishes it were just him here instead of heeseung, wishing it were him being the one to fuck you– and only him. you let out a high pitch whine as heeseung speeds up his pace, his tip hitting your g-spot deliciously. he brings a hand down to rub at you clit, causing you to jump from the overwhelming pleasure. 
“mm, she jus’ gets tighter.” he slurs, drunk on the way your pussy sucks him in. “you like that, don’t you? shit.. y’gonna make me cum if you keep doing that.”
your eyes are shut, in a complete daze from the way his cock is fucking you. sunghoon smirks at the sight, in love with the way you’re fully enjoying every second of this.
“minutes ago you were about to rip our heads off,” he coos, “now you’re over here drooling on my hand over some cock. just a little slut, aren't you? maybe i was wrong about you being a prude.”
heeseung’s barely keeping it together behind you as his hips meet your ass with haste, hissing and groaning with each thrust. he’s uncoordinated and sloppy yet still hitting that spot deep inside of you, throwing your body towards sunghoon, who keeps a bruising grip on you as the other male pounds into you.
your past self would be embarrassed to see you now, yet, you couldn’t feel an ounce of shame at the moment. it feels as if heeseung’s fucking all the frustration out of you.
it’s dirty. the way the two men have you sandwiched in the kitchen— straight out of a cheap porno. every time you start to think about jay or jake strolling in and catching the three of you, it only makes your core throb more with need.
“what are you thinking about?” sunghoon whispers, leaning closer, offering his chest for your head to lean against. “hmm, baby? you thinking about something else while fucking yourself on heeseungs cock?”
the male mentioned lets out a loud groan, gripping your hips and pulling you back harder against him. you could tell he was close, as were you. your hands tug on the fabric of sunghoons shirt, attempting to pull yourself up. but with his hand on your mouth, you can’t let them know so you rely on your body language. 
“gonna cum for me?” heeseung grumbles, leaning closer to you. his thrusts are deep and rough as he chases his high. “c’mon, cum on this cock…” 
you feel your cunt flutter around him as you hit your peak, a muffled squeal leaving your mouth as you finally cum. heeseung pants, giving you a few more thrusts before pulling out completely and fisting his cock until he’s cumming all over your lower back and ass.
sunghoon removes his hand from your mouth causing you to take a deep breath, he wipes his hand on his pant leg which goes unnoticed by you. 
“jesus-” heeseung breathes out from behind you, hand gripping the counter. “fuck, that was good. why didn’t you tell me you felt this good before?”
you don’t reply to him– you just continue to lean against sunghoon as you regain all composure. the tall male keeps a hand on your waist as the other slowly unbuckles his belt. your other roommate redresses himself after using a paper towel to wipe himself down, giving your ass a small smack in the process.
“yo,” sunghoon calls out to him, earning a raised eyebrow in response. he cocks his head behind him. “keep jake in his room, yeah?”
“now?”
the man you were still using as support scoffs, “yes, dude. now..”
heeseungs stands there for a moment, looking at you as you finally turn around, slowly reaching to pull your shorts up. he clicks his tongue and walks off with a groan.
as soon as his footsteps fade away, sunghoon yanks your arm away from the article of clothing and pushes you against the kitchen counter. you gasp when the cold countertop makes contact with your skin. “s-sunghoon!”
he smacks his lips and pushes your sticky lower back down to keep you still, “you seriously thought i was about to let you walk away? after you made me watch him fuck you like that?”
he lifts his now cum covered hand off your back, studying it for a few moments. “not gonna let me have any fun? especially after you used me like a fucking wall?” he grips your face with his other hand, leaning over you as he shoves his fingers in your mouth.
the thick salty flavor hits your tongue immediately and you close your lips around his soaked fingers, the rest of the cum on his hand completely coating your chin and jaw. 
“you like that?” sunghoon chuckles darkly. “you know how pathetic you look right now?”
you groan around his fingers as he rocks his hips against you, grinding his bare cock in your slick. he doesn’t waste a second before shoving himself inside of you causing you to bite down on his fingers from the sudden full feeling once again.
sunghoon hisses in response, pulling out before roughly thrusting into you. the corner of the counter is digging into your hip but you couldn’t be bothered to resituate yourself. he pulls his fingers out of your mouth and snakes his hand in between your thighs, pressing against your clit as he starts to pound into you. his other hand is on the back of your neck, a tight grip as he uses it to stabilize himself.
your own cum is dripping down your thighs as sunghoon’s cock forces it out with each thrust. it’s truly a struggle to stay quiet, your moans are coming out in rough whimpers and deep breaths. you lay your upper body flat against the counter and hide your face in your arms to help muffle your sounds of pleasure.
though it wouldn’t even matter if anyone could hear your cries because the sound of wet skin slapping against each other could surely be heard from the other side of the neighborhood. 
“fuck, you’re taking me so good right now. heeseung loosened you up for me, didn’t he?”  sunghoons voice is low and rough, almost stuttering over his words. “so fuckin’ greedy for cock– look at you.”
if it weren’t for your arms, your face would be squashed into the hard countertops from the sheer force of his hand around the back of your neck pushing it down. sunghoon doesn’t notice, nor does he care about his roughness because truly all he cares about is cumming. 
you can hear the door slam and you try to lift your hand, in sheer panic, but sunghoon shoves it back down with a grumble. 
“t’sup?” sunghoon lets out a sigh and throws his head back.
“nothing,” the voice, belonging to jay, responds. he throws a few envelopes on the counter and sighs. “another noise complaint– like dude, who fucking cares? they act like the cops are gonna bust us or something.”
never in a million years did you think you would be getting backshots while two people had a completely casual conversation as you were between them.
sunghoon groans, his pace barely slowing, “my parents own half this fuckin’ neighborhood.”
“that’s what i’m saying! these complaints are useless.” jay responds, an annoyed tone lacing his voice. “is that– y’know what, i’m tired. clean the counters when you’re done.”
and with that, jay is walking away. you only hope he’s heading to his bedroom. however, your entire body is hot with embarrassment yet you feel yourself about to cum any second.
“fuck– sunghoon! s-slow down.” you barely cry out as you cream around his cock. he rolls his eyes, not that you could see, before pulling out completely. 
you take a deep breath before he grabs you and spins you around, pushing you to your knees. your hands fly to his thighs, trying to catch yourself before bruising your knees. 
sunghoon spares you a wicked smirk before tapping the tip of his cock against your lips, in which you invite him in with zero hesitance. he doesn’t start slow, immediately pushing his cock to your throat, enough to bring tears to your eyes before pulling out to let you breathe.
and he does it again. and again. until you're coughing around his cock.
“yeah, just like that, baby.” the male sighs, hand gripping your hair. he lets you take another deep breath before shoving his cock deeper down your throat. “look at you gagging– fuck, this is so good.”
he repeats his actions until his cock is twitching with the need to cum. sunghoon gives a few thrusts before pulling back slightly and cumming all over your tongue and throat. his release was almost too much for you, but he didn’t care that it was dripping out of your mouth, or that you were borderline choking on it.
“swallow.”
you try to shake your head no but he only tugs on your hair, “you can.”
shakily, you cover your mouth as you gulp, swallowing his sticky release. sunghoon chuckles, completely satisfied. 
“you’re so fucking easy, you know that?” he cooes. his thumb, sticky with heeseungs earlier release, wipes at your tears. you can only stare at him as he continues to degrade you. “oh, don’t be ashamed, princess, it’s perfect for us.”
you wipe at the corner of your mouth before grabbing your shorts that are laid close by. grabbing the counter edge above, you pull yourself up, not at all wanting to ask for sunghoons help. he leans against the counter, fixing his belt, completely uninterested in you.
slipping the shorts on felt useless in front of him. what was there to hide at this point?
“i’m gonna shower.”
“yeah, sure. i’ll try not to use any hot water for the next hour.”
you give him a nod. well, this is fucking weird. but you honestly would rather take this than it be awkward. genuinely, you would rather not have him force himself to give you soft and sweet aftercare. 
“jays cooking tonight!” sunghoon calls out to you as you head back to your room. you roll your eyes and push your door open.
you: 
    hypothetically, i have this friend who wanted to move out of her current place because she HATES her roommates but she just fucked 2 of them…. at the same time and suddenly doesnt want to leave
from: chaewon 💓
       what the FUCK did u just say to me
you:
     so basically im fucked
🍊: @filmnings @deobitifull @leov3rse @hooniehon @roslayy @strxwbloody @cutiepatootiejungwon @jakeswifez @yuriknows @d-dilemma (bold couldn’t be tagged / taglist now closed!)
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elytrafemme · 2 years ago
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friendship is cool p 2 bc you get the perfect experience of both getting progressively normaler and progressively diseased-more whenever you’re by them 
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