#i go through bouts of this every year but it really brings me back like 10+ years

[eddie-rifff]

binging yes vids for the first time in ages. what am i a yes fan

[backwzzds]

ೃ⁀➷ love me, connie springer (nsfw)

thinking about babydaddy!connie fucking you nice and slow after finding out you got stood up by your date. having little constentina (his idea, but tina for short) for the weekend, your precious angel just couldn’t keep her mouth shut to her daddy when you’d told her you were going on a small ‘dinner’

“she said dinner but that really means date, daddy.”

connie isn’t surprised. no one knew how to handle you beside him. i mean, he’s had your ass in place successfully for nearly ten years; only he was man enough to handle you, your mind, and most of all your body.

you loved connie like no other, you wanted no one else to be the father of your children. but you knew the streets would eventually take him away from you, and you just didn’t wanna stick around for that. not when you had a five year old girl depending on the both of you. connie looked for other ways to make bread without selling or doing anything…illegal but it was hard to match the stacks he was bringing home every weekend.

your separation was a one sided agreement anyways it seems. to you? you two were broken up. to connie delulu ass? you were his wife and you’re ‘smoking dick if you think ion belong to you and you’on belong to me.’

you didn’t even have any words for the absence of your so called ‘date.’. after an hour of waiting, you figured you’d call in to check on tina. ringing connie, your babyfather answered on the first ring, of course with a wood in his mouth and multiple lights on his face, signaling he was watching tv.

“hey,” your voice is solemn and low. you really were tired and ashamed to say anything more.

“hey mama, you okay?” connie’s hazel brown eyes quickly flick over to yours through the screen.

you shrug though he can’t see it. “i’m okay.” you admit. “just callin’ to check on my baby.” the frame was only on your face, but from the small shake of your hand, connie had managed to get a glimpse of a pretty black dress you’d sported, breasts looking three times as big as it usually did because of your sitting position. he could tell you dressed up for the night.

“yeah? she good, just upstairs sleepin’ right now. how was your date, pretty?” you hear connie turn down the tv in the background and give you his full intention.

you furrow your brows. “what? boy, how’d you know about it?”

your baby father blows out a huff of smoke and chuckles, flashing his gold canines. he wasn’t gon snitch on his lil informant princess. “i got my ways. tell me bout it baby.”

with a roll of your eyes, you let out a tired sigh and felt your shoulders sag. “wouldn’t know. the nigga never showed.”

connie furrows his own thick eyebrows. “what you mean? he told you he couldn’t come?” he asked. from the shake of your head, you see his face soften on the screen. “come over n’ smoke with me. lemme make you feel better.”

you kiss your teeth and throw your head back, already knowing where the conversation was headed. embarrassment flooded your expression. “you eating my pussy is not gonna make me feel better, constance.”

connie kissed his teeth and waved you off dismissively. “you’on know that.”

a blush can’t help but creep its way onto your brown cheeks. “i’m supposed to be staying away from you, ya know.”

connie gives you a knowing grin, shamelessly flexing the two deep dimples in his cheeks that constentina inherrited from him. “yeah? how’s that going for you, mama?”

“obviously not good because i’m actually considering your offer of being a booty call tonight?” you laugh.

“come onnn mama, tina’s sleep, i got a wood rolled for you and i want you here.” your ex compromised with a kiss of his teeth. “lemme rub ya feet and all on ya butt i promise you’ll feel better.

“i’m tired and don’t feel like driving, con,” you whine in the same tone. you knew if he didn’t have your daughter he’d already be at your door, but you refused to risk waking her up in a car ride over here.

connie rolls his eyes and puts you on pause for the moment. a minute later he comes back on screen and takes a pull of his backwood. “your uber on the way baby.”

“ooh daddy,” you cried, trying your hardest to breathe straight. “you know i cum fast like this, oh shit,” connie had your legs spread wide open, forcing your huge tits up against the bottom of your face as he pumped in and out of you.

“you like that mama, like when i fuck you nice and slow? all romantic n’ shit?” connie teased. tears streamed down your face and he wasted no time in kissing them from your pretty face.

you’re too far in euphoria to even fully comprehend exactly what he’s saying. “yes, i love when you stroke this pussy so deep daddy.”

connie holds your breasts up damn near to your face and takes his time sucking on each of your nipples, making sure to stretch and pull it all the way back as far as it could go, grinning at the sound of it snapping back toward you. “you’on need no one else to love you like this but me, you heard?”

you can’t help but shake your head, the small responsible part of you left that hadn’t been fucked out by connie yet (though he was close) was slowly bringing you to reality. “no,” you respond.

“nah, nah, dead that shit or imma stop,” your ex threatened, straightening his back out so he stood tall, yet still very deep inside your gummy walls. you can’t help but stare down the tattoos that littered his body; many dedicated to you and your shared daughter. “you grippin’ me so tight baby, boutta make me cum, fuck,” connie throws his head back and whines. “tell me you’re mine n’ we gonna get back together.”

“no, con,” your words were saying one thing, but the cream ring of your arousal forming around connie’s tanned dick was betraying everything leaving your mouth. “w-we’re we’re toxic—oooh, yes, right there right there!”

suddenly, a large pair of hands come to wrap around your neck, gripping lightly. “tell me you’re mine or im not fuckin’ this pussy,” he orders. “you know i don’t be bluffing, mama. ‘specially when it come to your spoiled ass déjame oírte decirlo.”

more tears fall from your eyes as you feel your lower region bubble in evstasy. “con—“

“say it if you wanna cum.” connie’s grip around your neck tightens as he inevitably starts to babble. he was not gonna let up off you no matter what. “come on mama, say it n lemme give you another baby. gonna make you a mama all over again, want you so full of my babies, pretty—fuck,” he breathed out. “you know daddy sorry, you gonna forgive him?”

it wasn’t until connie started to add his thumb rubbing circles around your clit did you finally fold and give in. “oh fuck, yes! yes yes i forgive you con—please—“

“go head and cum mami, te quiero.” connie breathed out, feeling his own orgasm approach. “te amo joder joder por favor dame más hijos mami te estoy rogando déjame correrte dentro de ti,” the man curses into the atmosphere as he strokes himself in you a few more times.

“yes yes,” you nod in response to his pleads of cumming in you. a nanosecond later, connie’s cumming deep into you until he ends up shooting nothing but blanks. you’re full to the brim to the point where drops of his cum couldn’t help but ooze out between your puffy cunt.

“dio mio.”

[pedgito]

𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐘 | Joel Miller x reader

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summary | you've got an issue and joel's willing to solve it. after all, what are neighbors for?

author's note | this was a prompt from a meet-weird thing i saw ages ago that was originally supposed to be javi, but jo (@undercoverpena) gave me the beautiful idea of making it joel and it spurred this monster.

content warning | established friendship, caught during sex, does the apocalypse having working appliances? probably not, but for the sake of this fic distend belief i beg. oral (eating out from the back), unprotected piv, subtly cocky!joel miller, he's a good ass neighbor, okay?, unbeta'd.

word count — 5.6k

Joel’s fixed this damn machine seven times, convincing himself every time that it was the last time. Shocker, it wasn’t. This time didn’t even last a month. He’s desperate now.

He would usually haul the load all the way to the communal laundry house closer to the group of joined townhomes that housed most of the younger adults—the spry and bright-faced ones who sprung up at the mention of patrol or work, any prospect of toting a gun around with any sense of leadership. They were eager, he couldn’t say the same for himself.

He was old, weathered—years of routine he had created to get the job done and get the hell home.

And truthfully, as he tapped the wrench against the metal machine, chin tucked into his palm as he scratched at his beard, he almost complied with the idea that he would just have to tough it out. Scrounging for parts was nearly impossible—dumb luck, really. In the past several years they’ve picked this town clean, bone-dry.

He’s elbow deep inside the barrel of the dryer when he hears the knock at his door, bumping his head against the rim of it as he exits and cursing under his breath as he pushes to stand, joints creaking and popping in disapproval. 

He can smell you before he sees you, the familiar scent of fresh-baked goods following you everywhere—Joel couldn’t feel guilt for being one of the folks addicted to your cooking. 

Grains had been hard to come by since the epidemic hit, everything was tainted on a global level. It took years and years of Jackson growing its own stock of wheat for things like pie or a nice, gooey cinnamon roll to even be plausible anymore. But, they were managing well so far.

“Saved ‘em for you and Ellie,” You tell him, a small plate of still hot brownies covered with parchment paper, dawning that trademark smile that Joel has come to love, tapping his fingers against the door frame as he passes the plate off to a quickly approaching Ellie.

“Girl’s got the nose of a basset hound,” Joel looks on in amused bewilderment as Ellie throws a mouth-stuffed thanks over her shoulder, “sorry ‘bout her.”

You wave her off whole-heartedly, taking in his sweaty appearance and casual attire. You were used to him in jeans and thick flannels, not a graphic tee and pair of sleep pants. He’s almost always dressed like he had to run at a moment's notice, you weren’t even sure he owned anything different until now.

“Everything good?” You question him, a small laugh escaping your throat.

“Damn washer and dryer is out again,” Joel explains, throwing a hand vaguely over his shoulder.

“Both of them this time?” You ask, “Damn.”

“I can fix ‘em, just a matter of finding the right parts,” Joel tells you, “ looks like I’m gonna have to hand wash again.”

Joel was a friend. You helped friends. It seemed like a no-brainer really, opening your mouth without thinking it through, the kindness tumbling out despite yourself.

“Oh, you’re welcome to load yours up at mine,” You offer and Joel looks immediately apprehensive, the southern charm and well-mannered tone gearing to creep up on you.

“Now, I don’t mean to make you feel like you have to—”

“Joel, I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t feel comfortable with it,” You remind him, “seriously—anytime, just try and bring your own detergent—and for the love of god, empty your pockets before you put ‘em in.”

Joel chuckles tiredly at that, rolling his eyes as he nods in agreement.

“Got it, of course, sweetheart.”

“I leave an extra key under the rug, so if I’m ever not home just come in,” Given that Joel was Tommy’s brother, you knew he wouldn’t be up to any trouble, “sound good?”

“Yep. Anytime—just make myself at home.” Joel confirms and you nod with an even wider smile, waving a pleasant goodbye as you trailed down the stairs and made your way to the house you inhabited next door.

Right, anytime.

Unfortunately, Joel took that a little too literally.

-

Joel managed to scrounge up the courage a day later, tumbling into his house on tired legs after a lengthy patrol up at the cabin lookout, scooping the basket up in his arms and heading out his front door, taking the short walk to your house.

The lights were off, but that wasn’t unusual. Joel knew you liked to stay late nights in the town’s mess hall, often working on prep for the following morning to make the load a little lighter and sleep in a while longer, so when he fishes under the doormat for the key he thinks nothing of it.

And as the door swings open, it is still fairly quiet. Though, he can hear your own dryer running upstairs. He’s got the layout down too, having shared more than a few nightcaps with you. Friend to friend and nothing more, even if you had always felt a little more strongly toward being affectionate. A hug or a kiss on the cheek from time to time, he never pushed you away. Joel never seemed like the type of man who openly showed affection, even toward a friend. But, he was good, reliable–most of the time.

He reaches the stairs with trepidation as the sounds grow louder and part of him wonders if by some uncanny coincidence your dryer might be growling and rumbling on its own final leg. 

The moment his hand reaches that doorknob and turns he realizes he’s made a mistake.

He’s caught you at a…bad time. Head thrown back with your mouth hung wide, whatever noise you’re making was mostly drowned out by the nagging sound of the dryer as it tore through the spin cycle but he hears the tailend of it, a soft moan of pleasure from the man who’s buried inside of you right now, both of you naked from the waist down but your breasts on full display with your shirt tucked under your neck.

“Benny?” Joel asks, slightly amused.

You lift your head at the sound and spot him, your feet nearly slipping out from under you as you scramble to push Benny away, who perks with an even more perplexed, “Joel?”

“Goddamn it, Joel,” You curse behind gritted teeth, furiously readjusting yourself, pulling your sweats back on and over your ass and your shirt down, “What are you doing here?”

Joel looks down at the basket still clinging to his hip before back up at you, wordlessly.

You sigh through your nose with a tight lipped frown, cheeks puffing out as you brushed your fingers through your hair and down—Benny was still scrambling to redress behind you, unable to pull his gaze away from Joel.

“Benny?” Joel mouths at you quietly, eyebrows raised curiously.

You walk toward the now open door slowly as Benny buttons his pants and you shoot Joel daggers with your stern gaze.

Cut it out.

Joel smirks slightly, cheek dimpling with the action as he side-steps Benny, who leans around you and kisses your cheek—it was a kind gesture but given the situation, in horrible taste. You force a polite smile and once Benny is a far enough distance you hit Joel firmly in the arm as he passes by you and into the laundry room.

You walk Benny to the door with a million thoughts racing through your head, offering a distracted goodbye before you’re locking the door and racing back upstairs with determined footsteps and Joel has already loaded his clothes in the washer, turning the knob to set the load size and time.

“Benny?” He echoes his earlier questions, “Really?”

“What? Are you judging me?”

“No—just, that kid’s had quite an obsession with you for some time now. Just…surprised is all.”

Your lips pull together in a disapproving but nonchalant frown, taking his words for the bullshit they are.

“When I said anytime that did not extend to the middle of the night, Joel.”

“You’re usually still at work,” He supplies—and really, he’s not wrong, “M’sorry. I mean that.”

“Well, now I’ve gotta deal with the fact you’ve seen me naked,” You cross your arms over your chest and lean against the doorframe and Joel’s eyes track you for a moment, smiling with amusement at the thought.

“What? You want a fair trade?” Joel teases, “‘Cause, darlin’. I don’t mind—but it was an accident. Besides, ain’t nothin’ I haven’t seen before.”

He means it in a broader sense, but you can’t help the eye roll it induces. 

“No, no,” You chew at your bottom lip, watching Joel place the empty basket on top of the washer, “I can finish that up if you want to get some sleep. I know you had a long patrol today.”

“Oh, did you?”

He’s teasing you.

“Don’t push it, old man,” Joel shakes his head at that jab and chuckles, “Ellie clued me in when she picked up some sandwiches for her and Dina earlier.

He’s not going to pass on the offer, though. He nods, rubbing a hand over his tired face.

“Jesus—just…Benny?” Joel reiterates again, “Didn’t think the kid had it in ‘em.”

“Out,” You say with an over-pronunciation as you drag his slow and progressive steps further out of your laundry room and into the hall, “or you’re off my dessert list for a month, Miller.”

Joel smiles at you knowingly, “You wouldn’t dare,” He retorts, knowing you too well.

You wouldn’t make him suffer like that. Or Ellie, who wouldn’t hesitate to murder Joel if he robbed her of that pleasure. Not literally…but, she would carry a few choice words for him.

“Seriously, though, thank you,” He nods, leaning down to press a kiss into the crown of your head—an often familiar gesture when you parted after a long night of nonsensical talk and a couple glasses of wine or whiskey, depending on how hard the day had been, “I appreciate it, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, yeah—”

“And I do apologize for…not knocking and showin’ up at such a weird time.”

You shrug, “You’re forgiven. Just…don’t give Benny a hard time. He’s a good guy.”

“You’ve got my word, darlin’.”

Joel was determined to be on his best behavior, clearly.

-

It takes Joel a couple weeks to find the parts he needs and luckily there are no more run-ins on your midnight sex-scapades, still feeling the embarrassment from the first one. Joel doesn’t even seem to remember it after a couple days, thankfully. He was bypassing it for your own benefit, truthfully. And you knew that.

Selfishly, you're glad to have your appliances back to yourself. 

They’re good, solid, reliable—until they aren’t.

Your washer shits itself mid-load and you can hear it from downstairs. A loud screeching noise before an even louder pop that has you groaning loudly because you know. You can feel it.

You can’t even bring yourself to go check, peering through the window of your kitchen and catching a fresh pot of coffee in the house across from yours, a man coming into view and his stark white shirt contrasting the black coffee cup in his hands. He catches you out of the corner of his eye and looks at you with a quizzical amusement, smile tugging at his face.

Joel was always up before the sun rose, so with the sun just creeping into the sky you’re sure that’s his third or fourth cup of coffee. He reaches over his sink and fiddles with the latch on his window before heaving it up, watching as you struggled to do that same but eventually managed.

“You run outta coffee again?” He asks, sipping at the bitter, black coffee in his mug.

“No,” You reply quickly, slightly exasperated as you chew at your bottom lip, debating how to pop the question and feeling nervous under Joel’s intense gaze, curiously wondering if he’s still picturing you naked. He’s never explicitly mentioned it since, but you have caught him in the act.

Wandering eyes, gazes catching when your back is turned for half a second as you bend down or move in a way that exposes too much skin.

“My washer broke,” You cut to the chase and Joel chuckles at how comical it is, in hindsight.

Was this karma? It was definitely karma. 

You’ve never asked Joel for anything—despite your often bouts of kindness toward him you never expected anything in return, not even a favor.

“Doors open,” Joel nods toward his front door out of view, an invitation like you offered him.

You didn’t even hesitate, pushing the window close and bounding up the stairs.

-

You’re already loading your things into his washer before he appears around the corner, peeking his head in, coffee cup still in hand as he takes a few more steps and leans against the wall beside the washing machine and your eyes glance at him briefly before you continue moving the clothes, watching him watch you from behind the rim of his mug.

“I can start them and come back,” You tell him, “so I won’t be lingering around here all day.”

“No Benny?”

You stand up as you close the washer, deadpan stare pointed in his direction.

“You can be such a nosy neighbor, you know that?”

Joel shrugs, a smug smile covered behind his sip of coffee.

“It was just a few times. Besides he’s…too much for me.”

You turn the dial to start the load and it rumbles to life with a simple press of a button.

“You wanna talk about it?”

It wasn’t completely unnatural for you two—you knew quite a bit about Joel now: his life before, his work, his daughter…all things that come with trust and time. He’s waited patiently for you and you’ve given him peeks into your life, but nothing like this.

“It’s a long story, Joel.”

“Got time,” He smiles slightly, “I’ll go grab you a cup of coffee—sit down.”

You look around briefly, not a chair in sight. So, you raise yourself up just enough that you can slide your ass over the top of the washer, bare feet dangling off the floor and you wait, the subtle and quiet shake from the beginning of the load process keeping the awkward silence at bay.

Joel turns the corner a few minutes later with your cup, made up just to your liking and you nod with a gentle smile, taking the cup from his hand and allowing yourself a few generous sips.

“So—that night, you caught us,” You can laugh at the instances now, so you do in a soft, clipped manner, “it wasn’t the first—it had been a month by that point and he just caught me by surprise, showed up that night and things just got a little out of hand.”

Joel’s eyebrows raise in interest but he urges you to continue, leaning against the wall in front of you now, resting his mug on the shelf just above his head as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“He’s a good guy, don’t get me wrong—but I don’t do serious…I can’t, now with how things are. And I know a lot of people think the opposite, seize the moment and all that shit,” You sigh, a deep and heavy sound that expands and releases from your chest, “he was already talking about moving in, the idea of us having kids—so that night I just tried to distract him.”

“With sex? Seems a little…counter-productive, don’t you think?”

“Don’t judge me, Joel,” You warn him but it’s edged with a playfulness that Joel recognizes. You didn’t have a mean, deceptive bone in your body and Joel knew that from the first conversation he had with you.

“I needed him to shut up,” You groan at the thought of the conversation as it replays in your mind, “I’m trying to wash my clothes, he’s talking to me about babies. I do not want kids, Joel. Ever. At least none that are biologically mine. Who would want to bring a kid into this world?”

Well…Tommy. The thought comes to you after the words have already left your mouth and your heart sinks into your stomach, looking at Joel apologetically.

“Sweetheart, don’t even try to apologize. Ain’t nothing wrong with it.”

“It makes me sound horrible, I know but—”

“I’ve done my time—it’s none of my business how others choose to live. Besides, I’m pushing sixty, I don’t have to worry about all that…sorry, I’m not trying to be crude here.”

You nod knowingly with a smirk tugging at your lips, taking another sip of coffee before handing the mug off for him to place it next to his own, ready to slide off of the washer before Joel interjects with another question that catches you off guard.

“He treat you right, at least?”

You tilt your head with that same knowing smirk, pushing Joel away at his hip with your foot as he leans up from his position against the wall—Joel’s never flirted, always promptly skirted around the issue and went about it more gentlemanly. He’s not abrasive and straightforward like most of the men in Jackson, but damn did he know how to make you feel special.

Undivided attention, constant subtle compliments, giving up some much-needed sleep for a simple late night drink with you—part of you was too terrified to make your own move and make it clear just how badly you wanted just a small taste of him.

You’ve heard whispering, minimal talk from a few of the women in town. Joel didn’t often make his rounds but when he did, he left an impression. And you had every right to be jealous, because with him standing in front of you now—you knew it would be easy to say no and he would fix you right up, finally crossing that line that he’s been carefully dancing around for a few years.

“He’s a bit…timid,” You shrug, “and he doesn’t really…”

The air lingers and the side of Joel’s mouth pulls up—you don’t have to say it.

“Joel, don’t do that,” You shove at his shoulder as he approaches you, his hands pressing into the contraption you’re on, curled around the metal, “—he’s just…eager, but not in a good way.”

There’s a glint in Joel’s eye that leads you to believe he’s not thinking about Benny’s less than experienced sex life, feeling the sudden jitteriness from the coffee as your chest rises with a deep, shaky breath and Joel eyes the time over your shoulder.

Forty-five minutes and some change, plus the time to dry because Joel already knows you aren’t going to trouble yourself with walking the damp laundry through this cold, muggy weather.

“So, no then?” Joel asks.

He could have treated you better, sure. But, he wasn’t the worst.

But, the way Joel is staring at you knows makes everything and everyone dull in comparison.

You shake your head in agreement, chewing at the inside of your bottom lip as your hands fall to your lap, his hands ncreasingly closer to the tights covering your legs, suddenly feeling his thumb graze your hip. You both glance down at the action and your breathing halts, watching as his right hand slowly engulfs your thigh, fingers digging into the soft material and dimpling your skin underneath, his thumb only a few centimeters from dipping into the inside of your thigh.

They part on their own, welcoming Joel in wordlessly and his left hand echoes the other. His face is level with your own, staring down at your lips briefly before meeting your eyes and you’ve seen that look before—the adoration when he thought you weren’t watching, secretly you had become good at catching those glances, but Joel wasn’t trying to hide it now.

And it quickly dawns on you in the moment—he was jealous. Of Benny. Or really, any man that had come before him. But, he was using him as the scapegoat.

Honestly, you couldn’t even care.

“You want someone to treat you right?” He speaks softly and if you weren’t so close you wouldn’t have heard him, “I got you, sweetheart. I swear.”

He’s not looking at you anymore, eyes dragging down the bridge of your nose to your lips again. But, you are looking at him, flooded with that tricky feeling that creeps up on you when you want things you know you shouldn’t.

“Joel, I told you—I don’t do serious,” And you hold your breath for the response, wondering if that would send this moment crumbling to dust, but Joel doesn’t miss a step.

“Good for you,” Joel dotes, “neither do I.”

Then he’s on you, the press of his lips in a heated kiss sends you tumbling back, caught by the warm slide of his palm over your back to pull you in, throwing your arms over his shoulders as he pulls back briefly, just enough for you to open your mouth to speak, but his tongue finds its way inside and the words fade away.

Just friendly, my ass—you think.

If you had known he kissed like this—you would’ve jumped at the opportunity months ago; a night spent drinking too many glasses of wine and laughing over some movie far before your time, but not his. 

He was so entranced, giving you all the details, but you couldn’t help giggling over it, too touchy to be considered friendly.

You’d both cut it short quickly when Ellie popped in halfway through the movie, and beyond that, it never grew.

Until now.

“Sweet,” Joel notes with a subtle smile, his hand dwarfing the size of your neck as his fingers wrapped around the column of your throat, holding you firmly in place as he maneuvered you toward and away from the kiss as he pleased, swallowing every tiny moan that escaped your lips when his other hand squeezed at your thigh just a little too hard.

“All that sugar,” In your coffee, the taste lingering on your lips and he licks around them teasingly, pulling away briefly to look at you, your eyebrows raising in question as the gears turn in his head, “—you still with me?”

“I’m just wonderin’ if you’re okay with this,” Joel speaks candidly, his eyes trained on his thumb as it rubs against the middle of your throat, traveling up under your chin and tipping your head up slightly, watching as you swallowed, “before I take this further, jus’ need to know.”

You nod jerkily, not even a second of hesitation. 

“You would have known the moment you kissed me, Joel.”

In turn, Joel nods slowly before he speaks, stealing the air from your chest.

“Alright then, pull these down for me,” He tugs gently at the material clinging to your thighs before both of his hands find the spot behind your knees and tug until your feet hit the floor, “and push that pretty little ass out for me.”

The absurdity of this language on his tongue makes you giggle but abide in an instant, struggling slightly as the material bunches at your ankles and Joel helps you the rest of the way, tossing your pants aside before he’s kneeling despite how his body protests, too eager to give you a taste of the pleasure you deserve and he’s grabbing the cheeks of your ass and squeezing them between his hands before he’s leaning up to bite playful at the soft flesh.

He groans quietly against your skin, the press of his aquiline nose against your ass as his fingers fold around the string of your underwear and pull, dropping them down to your ankles and off and then his tongue is flat against the seam of your cunt, gasping as you fall forward and your own fingers clawing against nothing.

“Joel!” You squeak out as his fingers dig hard into your ass, forcing you up on your tiptoes as devours, licking into your cunt as it quivers around his tongue. 

Your hand pressed against the wall in front of you to keep your chest from hitting the washer, feeling your pussy tighten around the finger that enters alongside his expert tongue, a soft groan erupting out of him from behind you. That smug motherfucker was attempting a teasing huh under his breath as he busied himself with the task of eating you out from the back and you couldn’t even think straight. 

‘C’mon, baby,” He coos between his alternating licks and slurps of the heady slick that dripped from your cunt, “come all over my mouth, let me taste that sugar.”

It’s absurd, the way he’s speaking to you now. Your eyes squeeze shut as his thumb finds your clit amongst the chaos of his tongue and fingers, face heating up at how noisy your cunt sounded over the dull shake of the washer and Joel’s satisfied moans, occasionally massaging at the back of your thigh when your legs shake with the creeping feeling of your impending orgasm.

“Oh,” You squeal, reaching behind you to dig your fingers into his hair, panting out in desperation, “—fuck, don’t stop! Joel, right—right there,” and then glance you take back at him, his eyes peeking open from his position below, on his knees and dutiful to you and you alone, well…

It sends you tumbling over the edge as his thumb rubs over your clit quickly, soothing you through the aftermath as he laps up the mess you’ve made all over yourself, dragging his tongue along the inside of your thigh because if you knew anything about Joel, he didn’t waste a meal. 

And you were just about the finest he’s tasted.

You clear your throat as you rest your feet flat on the floor, feeling the faint quake in your legs as Joel rises slowly, forcing you to swallow down a giggle as he winces and he can see it on your face.

“Worth it,” He excuses himself, “don’t look at me like that.”

“No old man jokes?” You sound sad and Joel can’t believe it.

He shakes his head.

But, the smile that breaks out on your face quickly diminishes any comeback he has.

You begin to push him away with a hand gripped in his shirt, carefully avoiding the obvious bulge in his sweats as you reach for your tights, ready to redress and drop to your own knees as a favor but his fingers are wrapping around your wrist, pulling your attention back to him.

“I meant it,” Joel tells you, tilting his head to catch your gaze.

You smile wide and tilt your head to mirror him, “I think you proved your point—Benny is a pathetic man who doesn’t know how to make me come, blah blah…”

“My job ain’t done if you’re still thinkin’ about him, darlin’.”

His eyebrows raise in challenge.

Okay, you’re game.

Wordlessly you allow the hands at your hip that guide you toward the front of the joined appliances, his fingers sliding under your top until you get the hint to pull it off, your breasts bouncing free from the shirt—the few bras you had were already in the wash, big deal.

Joel chuckles and stops for a moment, admiring the sight of your breasts for the second time that month, albeit more openly this time. He reaches forward and rubs his thumb along your nipple, watching the nub harden under his touch and you bite at your bottom lip, eye fluttering closed at how sensitive they were to touch, something other men never took the time to notice.

“You like that?” Joel asks with a creeping grin.

You nod, watching as he squeezed your tits in his hands, showing your nipples ample attention as he circled them with his thumb before leaning down slightly and swiping his tongue over the hardened nubs, sucking your breast into his mouth and his eyes peer up, gauging your reaction which quickly developed from a soft giggle to a loud moan.

“Clothes,” You breath out, “off—if you still have a point to prove.”

A point that you wanted proven. Hard.

Joel pulls away and yanks his shirt over his head, allowing you an unobscured view of the mix of muscled shoulders and his softened stomach, running your hand over the patch of hair at the center of his chest and down, right along his hips until his own fingers hook around the fabric and pull his sweats and boxers down in one motion, his cock catching against the edge of his waistband before it bobs back up toward his stomach.

You find yourself smiling despite yourself, forgetting for a moment that Joel was standing there and watching you, feeling your mouth water at the sight of him hard and leaking at how just getting a small taste of you had turned him on that much, precum leaking slowly from the tip and he wraps his hand around himself, other hand tapping at your chin to drag your attention back up to his face, reminding you he was still there.

“Got somethin’ on your mind, sweetheart?”

You shake your head furiously, “No, no—no, nothing. Just, uh—”

“I’ll start slow,” He tells you and with the size of him, thick and girthy in ways you’ve only imagined or pictured in your head, it’s daunting, “are you still alright with all of this?”

Your face softens and you nod, appreciating the repeated check-ins, the need for confirmation, but it pulls at your heart as you wonder why he feels the need to ask so much. As if he was fearful you would change your mind on a dime—Joel was fine with that, but he was more worried about the change in dynamic. Thankfully, you were determined for that not to be the case.

“I’m pretty tough,” You shrug, a playful smile gracing your face.

Joel nods absently as his fingers drag along your waist before catching behind your knee and pulling it up over his hip, both of your eyes dragging down to his cock as he tugged at himself a few times, his brow furrowed as he spread your lips apart with the head, dipping his hips down slightly to catch against your hole before he pushes in slow, one solid stroke that steals the sound from your throat and transfers to his own. Joel groans out softly as he pushes into you, his hands gravitating toward your face and wrapping around the sides of your neck, tilting your head back to mouth at your skin, his tongue dragging along your collarbone before sucking and nipping gently at your skin.

“Don’t I know it,” Joel responds after a while, “find something to hold onto.”

Your soft giggle of excitement shoots down to your core and your fingers wrap around the edges of the washer and Joel pulls back swiftly before he’s snapping his hips back into you before repeating the process several times, the jolt of the machine hitting the concrete wall behind you drowned out by your loud moans, quickly swallowed up by Joel’s lips as he pulls your mouth to his, breathing into it with every sharp snap of his hips.

“Harder,” You beg, biting at his bottom lip as he groans, using his fingers intertwined into the hair at the nape of your neck now to pull your head back and he pulls his hips back quick, bottoming himself out inside of you so forcefully you feel like your legs might give out, his cock rubbing against your already too sensitive g-spot and continuously finding a way to bring you closer and closer to the edge, “fuck—yes, yes. Joel, oh my god—”

“Yeah,” Joel goads you, his eyes drawn closed as he tries to keep his own orgasm at bay, “give it to me, baby—wanna watch you make a mess on my cock, alright?”

Easy, you laugh airily and feel the instinctive squeeze of your walls around Joel’s cock as he pulls your face to his, foreheads pressed against each other as he angles his hips back and slams into you one last time before you come undone, head falling back in a similar position to how he caught you a few weeks ago, this time for him. 

Your grab for his shoulders suddenly, blunt fingernails digging into his skin and he takes a few harsh breaths through his nose before he’s pulling out, hand grasping his cock as he jerked himself a few seconds before he comes in thick, short spurts against your stomach, squeezing at the head of his cock as he drags it through the mess he’s made.

His expression is nothing short of mesmerizing, mouth hung open just enough that his tongue can drag over his bottom lip before his teeth are taking its place, eyes drawn to your skin.

Wordlessly, he pulls away on his own pair of shaky legs as he reaches for his wrinkled, worn shirt and brings it to your stomach, cleaning up the mess with a faint smile on his face.

“You know, I think it might take me a bit to fix my washer,” You tease, “so—I might be over here bothering you for a while.”

Joel peers up at you, his head still tucked down as he wiped at your stomach.

“Fine with me.”

Then he’s peering over your shoulder, watching as the washer time inched toward zero, dinging behind you. You turn around, letting your leg fall from his hip finally, ass brush against him in the process and Joel can’t help the way his eyes refuse to leave the sight of it.

Only feeling slightly guilty when you catch him this time, not giving him the pass you usually do.

“We’ve still got about an hour left if I dry them here,” You tell him, “anything else you wanna prove?”

Joel’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek, eyes dragging up toward the upper level of his house before flicking back toward you, a smile plastered on your face.

“I can think of a few things.”

divider creds: @/cafekitsune

[gallusrostromegalus]

I am constantly procrastinating working on my original fic by writing fanfic. Any advice for how to refocus and finish my novel?

Well. The novel probably needs a nap.

Procrastinating is a symptom that something is preventing you from doing the thing you "should" be doing. Most of the time it's an unrelated, but actually higher priority task like resting after an illness (society is fucking lying about anything else being more important) or filing your taxes (actually this one is pretty important).

...but if you're procrastinating on one creative project with another creative project, you're not procrastinating: something about the novel is off right now, the fanfic is more appealing to you.

Consider the following:

You may be writing fic because it brings you more joy than the novel. If you really want to get back to the novel, figure out what would make working on it more enjoyable. Engagement from a beta-editor? Skipping this really boring scene and coming back to it later? Adding more smut?

You may also be writing fic because it's got a lower spoon coat than the novel and you need to conserve your spoons right now. Any extra stress in your life? Moving? Toothache? Recovering from Covid? Annoying roommate? Sick family member? It's an election year? ANY of those could soak up extra spoons and make your novel too expensive for your spoons budget. Let it take a nap, and come back when you're feeling better.

You may be sharpening your artistic skills on a lower-stakes project before going back to the novel. This is pretty normal- even Michaelangelo took breaks to work on other pieces while sculpting The David, both for a change of pace and so he could try something out without fucking up the big block.

Fortunately, you're writing, so you can always try writing the challenging scene a dozen times in different docs or save the parts that were good but don't not in a spare parts bucket doc.

Or keep working on that fic, it's helping you learn on a subconscious level.

You don't love the novel right now. This is alright. This is usually temporary, and the solution is the same- put it aside and work on something else.

Maybe you are just bored of the novel. That's fine and normal, you just save all the documents to your hard drive and come back later. When the fic inevitably gets boring too, you'll come back to the novel and either go "oh hey this kicks ass!" And return to it with renewed enthusiasm.

...Or you'll come back to it and go "oh. This is actually a piece of shit" And that's okay too, because there's nothing more useless than polishing a turd, but that turd is still valuable as compost. You learned things writing it, and you can still rifle through the novel for good lines or scenes or turns of phrase and put those in your spare parts doc to ferment into The Good Shit in the back of your mind.

HOWEVER:

If you are experiencing a different phenomenon wherein you are actively distressed while writing the fic- either out of misplaced guilt, or the fic isn't actually fun you just feel compelled to do something, or absolutely every creative endeavor is stressing you out, you may be experiencing a serious mental or physical health issue and you should see your GP or a specialist ASAP. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong. Do not ignore your body's warning light.

That sounds really dramatic and hyperbolic but realizing I was not enjoying ANY creative work was the symptom that finally got me to sit down and go "huh. All these random pains, irregular sleep cycle, frequent migraines and weird bouts of vertigo aren't normal either, I should get this looked at." And it turned out I had dangerously low blood oxygen at night from undiagnosed sleep apnea. I have a CPAP machine now and it's AMAZING.

I really hope this is regular artistic shuffle and not a serious health concern, but if you're experiencing creative stress AND a bunch of other shit, it may be serious.

[talaok]

Keeping up

Pairing: No outbreak!Joel Miller x reader

Summary: You convince Joel to go on a hike with you, but being that he's 56 years of age, he gets home barely in one piece, which means he needs a massage, which may lead to something more...

Warnings: age gap (reader's 25 and Joel's 56), a lot of sexually allusive jokes and stuff, and very soft and fluffy smut (unprotected p in v sex)

"Keep up, Grandpa!" you called, turning around and catching him taking yet another break.

He had his knee popped to the side and his hands on his waist as he pretended to take in the view while really just trying to calm his heavy breathing

He had fallen behind a while ago, but kept insisting you continued at your pace.

It took a lot of convincing to persuade him to go hiking with you, some unconventional, but definitely effective methods of persuasion were used, and finally, this morning, you had managed to make him cave in.

It was only a two-hour hike, but he was acting like he'd been walking for ten days and nights with no food and water.

"I'm coming!" his voice sounded through the woods.

"You sure?" You couldn't help but grin, watching his chest rising and falling way too quickly

"I just need a moment"

Letting out a breathy smile, you retraced your steps on the makeshift track to reach his side.

"Tired?" you asked, already knowing the real answer, and the one he was gonna give you.

"Nope" he lied, making you chuckle.

He was so predictable

"Ah" you hummed, mocking him "so you're choosing to walk ten steps behind me"

He turned to look at you, his hazel eyes sparking with mischief

"Well, I don't mind the view these leggings of yours are giving me..." he arched a brow as his hands reached for your ass through the fabric.

"perv" you smirked

"Yup, that's me" he nodded, bringing you in for a kiss.

He could never get enough of you.

He had no idea how he had managed to make you fall in love with him, and so he acted accordingly, kissing and touching you every chance he got in case one day he was gonna wake up and this turned out to be just a dream.

"at least you admit it" you joked, biting his bottom lip playfully.

Oh how he fucking loved you

"C'mon now, we're almost there" You smiled that stunning smile of yours that made him almost forget how tired he was.

"You said that an hour ago too, angel" he reminded you

"I did, didn't I?" you smirked, starting up the hill again, and leaving him behind to wonder how the hell he had ended up there.

But then of course he knew... his ability to say no to you seemed to disappear every time his cock was in your mouth.

__ __ __

"goddamnit sweetheart" he groaned, laying on the bed face down.

He didn't bother to change into his clothes simply because he couldn't, the towel around his waist was gonna have to do.

By the look of it, your advice of "A hot shower will help you out" hadn't really worked.

"Poor baby" you cooed, setting your book down on the nightstand to pay attention to him.

"I'm never hiking with you again" he sighed "I'm hurting everywhere"

"I'm sorry" You stifled a smile at his pained expression "Here," you said, getting an idea "How 'bout a massage?"

"Mh that does sound good" he considered

"Yeah?" you asked, getting on your knees beside him

"Yeah darlin'"

You smiled, as you gingerly straddled his hips, not wanting to hurt him.

You rubbed your hands together to make them hot and then gently pressed them against the very top of his broad back, slowly starting to make your way to his shoulders to rub his pain away.

He groaned in pleasure beneath you

"fuck that feels good" he breathed once you applied more pressure.

You chuckled "I've heard that one before"

"Mh, I'm sure you have, angel" he grinned, closing his eyes as you took such good care of him.

You smiled as you started massaging his lower back too, drawing circles with your thumbs and relaxing his muscles one at a time.

"You're really good at this sugar," he spoke, as his hand found your right leg and started caressing it slowly to try and pay you back a little bit.

"Why thank you" Your lips pulled into a smile "I'm a woman of many talents you know?" you murmured sultrily, bending down to gently press a kiss to his neck.

"I know that very well, darlin'"

"Good" you nodded, finishing up his back "Now turn around"

"Yes ma'am" he obeyed immidately once you got off of him, just to climb back immediately once his back was on the mattress.

His heart couldn't help but skip a beat at the sight above him.

You looked so fucking sexy drowning in that shirt of his, and the fact that he was pretty sure you only had a pair of panties underneath it, only made it worst for him.

You didn't seem to notice the way he was practically eating you up with his eyes as you started massaging his chest.

God those hands of yours deserved their special place in heaven

He watched you biting your lips to concentrate as your fingers made all his pain disappear for just a moment.

Suddenly, he noticed a smirk splitting your face as you looked up at him.

"I see somebody isn't as tired as you" You raised an eyebrow before gently rubbing your core against his growing bulge.

"oh fuck" Joel breathed heavily 

"Sweetheart..." he murmured pleadingly as you did it again

"What?" you teased

"Trust me I'd love to fuck you right now, but I'm afraid that if I move one single muscle I'll have to go to the emergency room"

The chuckle that left your throat sounded more like angels singing to Joel.

"Who says you have to move a muscle?" you asked mischievously, as your hand slowly reached for the towel around his waist, undoing it in one swift move.

"Oh darlin'" he grinned lazily, "I'll never know what I did to deserve you"

You laughed softly at how happy he looked, before getting rid of his towel and taking his cock in your hand.

He was throbbing already

You stroked him a few times before you let your fingers find your panties and quickly pulled them to the side.

You wasted no time sinking down onto his length.

Giving him this massage had worked you up just as much as him.

his groans merged with your moans at the motion

"f-fuck" you muttered

No matter how many times you had sex with him, your pussy never really got used to the stretch.

"goddamnit darlin', you feel so good" he breathed

You smiled down at him before deciding to take off your shirt.

You didn't want it to get all sweaty...

He groaned even louder at the sight.

Your perfect tits bare before him, your perfect cunt hugging his cock so well, your perfect mouth parted as you sucked in ragged breaths, and then finally your perfect blown-out pupils staring down at him like he was the most handsome man on earth.

You were a fucking vision.

"fucking christ angel-" he growled as you started moving up and down his shaft "Look at you" he whispered, not able to stop his hands once they reached for your waist "How are you this fucking perfect?"

You just let out a breathy chuckle, continuing to bounce on his cock.

God, it felt good.

He always managed to hit that spot inside of you that made you feel better than anything else.

Your nails clawed at his chest, no doubt leaving some scratches, not that he minded... he loved when you marked him up.

Suddenly, you sped up your movements, making him tighten his hold on you

"Jesus Christ sugar" he groaned "How do you still have any energy left?" 

I mean every muscle of his had given up even trying, while you... well while you still had the energy to ride him like a damn pornstar.

And he would have liked to say this was the first time something like this had happened, but the truth was that the difference of age between him and you had made itself heard more times than he liked to admit.

He wasn't a teenager anymore, his back wasn't the same, his stamina wasn't the same, and you... Well, you were the exact opposite.

You were unstoppable, and fuck but you were insatiable

Before you, Joel got laid maybe once every six months, and now he found himself having sex at least twice a day.

Not that he was complaining obviously, it's just that he sometimes still wondered how the fuck you managed to pull it off.

"That's what being 25 will do to ya" You smiled, leaning closer to him to kiss his neck

"Mhh" he hummed, as one of his hands reached upwards to grab your tits "You're saying I'm old?" 

The soft sound of your laugh tickled his ear 

"I'm saying I'm young" you answered, rubbing your nose against his beard until his mouth was right in front of yours and all you needed to do was kiss him.

One of your hands had to grab at his shoulders as you felt your orgasm approach.

"oh fuck baby" you breathed, ghosting his mouth

"you coming?" he asked, watching as you shut your eyes, lost in pleasure.

"mh-mh" you managed to nod, before you hid your face in the crook of his neck and bit down onto whatever piece of skin you could reach.

"That's a good girl" he praised as his left hand found your butt and gave it a good squeeze "Give it to me angel" he urged

And without another word, you did, squeezing him and making him come just as you were coming down your own climax.

If he had to be honest he had been close since you had taken off your shirt.

"mhhh" you hummed satisfied, as you leaned away a little to look at him.

His lips looked way too delicious, so for good measure, you met them with yours for a brief moment.

"goddamnit sweetheart, you're gonna kill me one of these days" he smiled, gently stroking your sides

"Yeah..." a mischievous smirk erupted from your lips "and that day might be today"

"What are you talking about?"

You grinned

"Ready for round two cowboy?" 

[lustfulslxt]

where reader gf is a shy bookworm and is dating chris. you can take this in any direction if you want to, but the boys are on live and being their normal chaotic selves so reader sits in their living room reading her book in his clothes & he ends up staring at her in awe thinking about how adorable his gf is and matt and nick point the camera at him and show what he’s staring at when fans ask (they already love her) & start making fun of him but chris just rolls his eyes at them but he never stops smiling

Admiration - Chris Sturniolo

warnings : no summary, read request. just fluff and chris being utterly in love

—

Chris’ POV

“Chris! Get in here already.” Nick complains, waving me over to the phone propped in front of him and Matt.

“The fans want to see you.” Matt adds.

I look down at my phone, reading the text from Y/N, stating that she should be here in around twenty minutes. Sighing, I put my phone in my pocket and make my way over to them. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to our fans, I really just want to spend some quality time with Y/N.

“Hey guys.” I smile, nodding to them. I can see the chat blowing up with an insane amount of people attempting to greet me, it’s actually mind blowing sometimes. “How’s everyone doing tonight?”

“So, we were thinking about just doing a little Q&A because we haven’t been live in a long time, but we also didn’t want to just sit here and stare at each other.” Nick says, chuckling a bit.

Immediately, comments come flying in with an intense amount of questions, Matt having to scroll a bit just to read one.

“Where do you see yourselves in ten years?” He reads aloud.

I instantly grin, replying, “Living life with my brothers, my beautiful wife, and our two kids.”

“Hopefully, I’ll also be with my wife and dog, in a nice cabin in the woods.” Matt answers, then looking to Nick, awaiting his response.

“I don’t know, honestly. Probably exactly where I’m at.”

Matt and I both give him a bored look, “That’s lame.”

“What am I supposed to say? With my husband and our eight kids? Newsflash, I don’t like children and I don’t plan on getting married at this point.” Nick counters.

I give a look to the live, saying ‘not again’, before letting my thoughts roam. I miss Y/N. I know she’ll be here soon, but I just can’t get enough of her. I want to live in her skin. As if on cue, headlights shine through the living room window, indicating someone just pulled up.

“I’ll be right back.” I say, quickly heading down to the front door, eager to see my beautiful girlfriend.

Upon opening it, I see Y/N mid reach for the doorknob, gasping in surprise at my presence. Her shock turns into happiness, a smile taking over her face as she pulls me into a hug. I can feel my heart swell with love, enjoying every single moment we share.

“I missed you, mama.” I say to her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

“I missed you more, baby.” She smiles, gently kissing my lips.

I grab her bag from her, and step aside, letting her come inside, before following her up the stairs. Once we round the corner, Matt and Nick take notice in her presence.

“Oh, hey Y/N!” Nick greets, happily.

Then Matt, “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming. How’s it going?”

“Hey guys, it’s pretty chill. How bout y’all?” She walks over, giving both of them hugs, and a silent wave to the phone once she notices the live.

“We’re good. Just live, doing a Q&A.” Nick replies.

She nods and makes her way back over to me, attempting to grab her bag as she says, “Okay, well I’ll just leave you to it. I need a shower.”

I pull the bag away from her and place my hand on her back, ushering her towards the stairs leading down to my room. Upon entering, I place her bag on my bed and pull her into my arms once more. I can feel her melting into me, causing my heart to flutter. I truly love this girl with everything in me. I pull away and grab her face, bringing her lips to mine in a passionate kiss. After a moment, we part and I place my forehead on hers as we stare into each other’s eyes.

“I love you. Come upstairs when you’re done.” I state, placing another sweet kiss to her lips.

She nods, “I love you too.”

With that, I leave her to it and head back upstairs. Matt and Nick are now in the kitchen, live on one phone, making TikTok’s on another. I stroll over, immediately joining in on their silly dancing.

“Yeaahhh!” Nick hypes me up, waving his hand up and down.

I can’t help but laugh, walking over to the live to read the chat.

u guys are so cuteee

can we be friends pls?

follow me!!!

where’s y/n

play rage!!!!

I shake my head with a grin, participating in my brothers goofy behavior. We continue dancing and joking around, entertaining ourselves and our fans. Being so caught up in them, I only just now realize that Y/N is sitting in the living room, reading her book.

I can’t help the smile that pulls to my lips, my eyes taking her in. She’s so beautiful, especially wearing my clothes that are too big for her, but she still insists on doing so. I know it’s her way of feeling close to me, plus she likes the way they smell. I love the way she furrows her eyebrows when she reads, focusing all of her attention on the words that lay out across the pages. I love the way she sticks her tongue out in concentration, she looks so silly and so cute. I love the way she’s so shy, but when she’s around me, she’s comfortable enough to, unapologetically, be herself. I love the way she brushes her hair back when it falls in her face. I love the way she sits with her knee up and her face lying on it. I love the way she moves her lips around when she’s bored. I love everything about her, and just thinking about it all whilst I admire her, I cannot wipe the ginormous smile off of my face.

“Awww. Chrissy pooh.” I hear Matt coo from behind me.

I turn my head in his direction and I’m met with him and Nick staring at me as they point the phone in our direction. Looking at the screen, I realize they’re showing the fans Y/N in the background, and it didn’t take long for me to put two and two together. They want to know what I’m staring at.

“The fans are eating this up right now!” Nick cheers, “Kid is such a simp.”

I roll my eyes, but the smile never leaves my lips as I shrug, completely agreeing with him. I am a simp. I love the fuck out of my girl, there was no shame in it. Getting up, I walk over to her, joining her on the couch. Instantly, she’s leaning into me, placing her head on my shoulder as my arm goes around her. I press a couple of sweet kisses to her cheek, then lay my head atop hers.

She smells like heaven and it makes me want to become one with her. Pulling her impossibly closer, I place my nose into her skin, inhaling deeply, causing giggles to erupt from her mouth. The sound brings another smile to my lips, enjoying the melodic noise. My hand intertwines with her, squeezing ever so gently.

“You’re the best.” I whisper into her ear.

She turns to me with a bashful smile, “What did I do?”

“Nothing at all. You’re just you.” I shrug, staring at her with so much love. “And I love the fuck out of you.”

Another laugh leaves her mouth, before she’s placing a kiss to my lips. “I love you more, Christopher.”

She can say that over and over and over again, but it will never be true. I need this girl like I need air, because I physically cannot breathe without her.

—

a/n : heyy, i hope you liked this!! sorry it’s super short, and not proofread. ikik i suck :( i’ve recently learned i am terrible at writing fluff lmfaooo

[flowersforabby]

loml

"shit," you laugh breathily, leaning back into the couch cushions. "jesse's going to be so fuckin' mad at you,"

"i don't think i even care anymore," ellie says.

the curtains are drawn in joel's living room, though the setting sun peeks through the cracks and the thin beige fabric. voices from the dvd recording playing on the tv are tuned out in both you and ellie's heads. in the fireplace, the flames dance around wildly, bringing about a comforting warmth to the room in the midst of a frosty jackson winter.

she has a dazed look in her eyes, her cheeks flushed as she keeps her gaze focused on your face. her arms lay awkwardly at her sides, back against the armrest and soles of her feet pressing against the side of your thigh.

"stop looking at me like that,"

"like what?"

you give her a pointed look and she smiles nervous, biting down on her bottom lip and refocusing her gaze upon the coffee table set in between the couch and the tv.

the front door swings open, door handle colliding with the drywall in the hallway- having left permanent indentations over the years, causing both you and ellie to flinch slightly.

"shit," a man swears gruffily, trudging into the house with his snow boots still on, squelching with every step he took deeper in.

a man's tall figure appears in the doorway behind the couch, bearing a brown winter coat and torn jeans. joel scratches at his scruffy beard, leaning against the wall and letting out a loud sigh, bits of snow still visible in his unkempt hair. he lets his backpack fall from his hold, colliding with the wooden floor.

"hey," joel says. "you kids stay in all day,"

ellie crosses her arms across her chest. "yeah,"

"it's cold as shit outside," you say, trying to make up for the lack of words from ellie, turning around to face the older man. "you look like shit, joel,"

"ran into a bunch of fuckin' clickers,"

"shit," you say.

"'m gonna go shower," joel says. "help yourself to the food in the fridge,"

you nod, pretending not to notice the hopeful glance he sends ellie's way before he disappears out of sight, leaving his bag behind.

"how would you rate it?" you ask, making yourself comfortable once again on the couch, hugging your legs to your chest.

"rate-"

"the kiss,"

ellie cracks a small smile, sucking on the inside of her cheek. "an eight?"

"an eight?" you scoff. "yeah right,"

"how would you rate it?"

"a six,"

"now you're just being petty,"

"jesse's a better kisser than you,"

she scrunches her face up in annoyance. "can you stop bringing him up?"

"why? you scared that he'll be mad you just kissed his ex?"

"you're real fucking annoying, you know that?" she asks.

"maybe annoying's your thing,"

"yeah," ellie says, pursing her lips as her eyes flicker to yours once again "maybe,"

"shit," ellie laughs, at the worst moment possible- she scratches at the hind of her neck, a sheepish smile forming on her face. "can't believe i just fuckin' blanked out. um, i wrote it all down, memorised it, but i can't fuckin' think when everyone's starin' at us like this. fuck,"

the crowd laughs- but you, you feel your throat grow tight over how ellie's looking at you like she's never been more in love.

"ever since i was young, i never really understood shit 'bout the world, and i never understood anything that happened in my life. the only thing that's ever made sense to me was you, and fuck, i knew from the moment i saw you that i had to have you. sorry, jesse," he lifts his wine glass up at that, leaning back in his seat and chuckling. "i thought this was going to be the most difficult thing i'll ever do, but when i saw you walking down the aisle, i realized how simple it really is. i love you. you're the person i want to spend the rest of my life with,"

"fuck you, ellie," you mutter, just loud enough for her to hear, the dam of tears in your eyes completely breaking. "you just made my vows sound like absoloute shit,"

and ellie flashes you a legendary grin- one you knew was for the ages.

you rub at your eyes as you walk into the kitchen, spotting ellie's figure crouched over by the fridge.

"hey," you say.

upon hearing your face, ellie glances over at you before straightening herself up to her feet, revealing a backpack at her feet.

"hey," she says.

"it's been a while since she's slept so long, huh?"

she, as in you and ellie's daughter, mj. 'm' as in your late sister, may, and 'j' as in joel, a name you mutually had decided on in honour to the people who succumbed to their cruel fates far too soon. you'd woken up back in your ex jesse's bed after one too many drinks, a side effect of you and ellie hashing out one of your more brutal fights, which in itself was a side effect of grief. a month and an absent period later, you'd discovered you were pregnant, which led to yet another fight with your girlfriend. however, what you thought was the end of your relationship, wasn't, and instead your relationship bloomed into something so much bigger.

it was just after dinner when you'd heard someone rapping at your door.

you knew it was her- ellie had a particular way of knocking, four small gentle raps, followed by a complete silence. when you opened the door up, it revealed the girl who had been completely drenched by the rain.

"i've kind of always wanted a kid," she lied, standing before you on your doorstep.

she hated kids.

they were too whiny, too loud, but she'd been so patient with mj from the very start.

"she had quite the day," ellie says.

"yeah," you say. "come back to bed, ellie,"

you try to fight off the sinking feeling in your stomach, pretend its any morning like any other, but you can't ignore what every inch of your body knows. you've already lost her, even though at the moment, she's physically still there. ellie isn't ellie. the girl you fell in love with was already rugged at the edges but the new ellie, she was torn at all the wrong places.

"i have to finish it,"

you close your fist tightly at your sides, nails digging into your palm. "you don't owe tommy anything,"

"i don't sleep. i don't eat. i'm not like you,"

i'm not like you.

"you think this is easy?"

ellie offers you no reply.

you clench your jaw tightly, to the point that it's quite possible that your teeth may shatter at any possible moment. you know, the moment you let it all out, the bitterness you've held against her for the past month- your grief battling hers, she's gone. but you also know, even if you don't, she's gone. ellie was going to leave, you just had to keep on hoping for a little longer with her.

losing your sister hadn't been easy.

loss wasn't supposed to be easy.

"i love you," ellie says.

"prove it," you say, your voice raw. "stay,"

ellie shakes her head gently. "i can't."

for a few moments, the room is silent. you manage to blink your tears back but ellie doesn't seem to try quiet as hard, tears racing against each other down her freckled cheeks. ellie wipes at it hastily with her sleeve and you swallow painfully, before beginning to speak once again. you try your best to keep your voice steady but the emotion bleeds through, which may be for the better, because now ellie's sure that whatever you say, you mean it.

"i'm not going to wait for you," you say. "the moment you step out, i'm gone. we're gone. i'm not going to wait at a house that feels like a fucking cemetery,"

"okay," she whispers.

you watch powerless as she picks up the bag and walks out the door without another look back, the door clicking shut behind her. one tear slides down your cheek, quickly followed by the others, and they can't seem to stop. eventually, your entire figure is consumed by sobs as you try to keep your gasps of air small- a mercy to your daughter in the next room.

you pray she'll be too young to remember that once, she had someone else who could leave her and did so.

you pray that she won't remember what you won't ever forget.

"you good?" jesse says as he snaps his fingers in front of your face.

"what?" you snap.

"just checking in on you," he says, lifting his arms up in defense.

dina places a comforting hand on your shoulder, eyeing the deadly grip you have on the shot glass in your hold. she shoots a pointed look at jesse, who quickly snatches it out of your grip and cups your hands at either side with both of his, keeping his grip on you firm as he speaks.

"we'll go with you, if you want to see her,"

"fuck," you matter. "the fuck do i need the two of you for? i'm not fuckin' scared of her,"

you yank your hand away from jesse, shrugging away dina's arm as you storm across the bar to the door, grabbing your coat off the hook behind it before trudging out into the snow. the winter winds are cold but apparently, not enough to put out the growing anger in you. your feet remember where they're headed to, even though the way to ellie's old garage is foggy in your head.

you ball up your right fist and pound at the door.

the door opens after a few seconds and your heart sinks the moment your gaze meets hers.

ellie has her hair tied up into a ponytail, her figure shrunken, swallowed up by her sweater. dark circles are prominent beneath her eyes and you can't help but notice the new scar on her cheek. you'd memorize all the marking on her body, you can't help but notice the stranger. she looks worse than you had apparently been expecting and despite all the unresolved resentment you'd been feeling towards her for months, your heart aches for her all the same.

it can't forget what it's yearned for before.

"hey," ellie says, barely above a whisper.

"hey," you say as you cross your arms across your chest.

for a few moments, the fire in your chest goes out and all you can see is ellie.

"it's been a while,"

you nod.

"i..." ellie trails off, clearing her throat. "how've you been?"

"good. moved in with jesse,"

she nods, gaze falling to the floor. "that's... good. how's mj?"

"her dad makes her really happy,"

a tense silence stretches between the two of you until ellie breaks it.

"i'm sorry,"

the two words seem to trigger something in you, bringing back the fury you had forgotten momentarily just before.

"you don't have to be,"

"no, i really am,"

"then i forgive you, i hold nothing against you, all that bullshit,"

"yeah, i deserve that," she nods. "i'm not planning to stay long,"

"i really don't give a shit. just stay out of my life. our life. i meant it when i said we wouldn't wait for you,"

"she's my kid too," ellie says, eyebrows scrunching up in annoyance.

"she's me and jesse's kid,"

"i raised her!"

"she doesn't even remember you,"

"yeah, and who's fuckin' fault is that?"

"you want her to remember you? and spend the rest of her life mourning over someone who left her? you don't get to pin this on me. i wasn't the one who left her,"

"you don't get it," ellie says, shaking her head. "you still don't,"

"i don't, because you had everything and you gave it all up. you ruined your entire life over someone who took one thing away from you,"

"one thing?" she whispers. "joel wasn't just one fucking-"

"you think it was easy? letting the fact that my sister was murdered go? but for you and for her, i did it. because i knew i had a responsibility, to stay. and i knew that whoever killed her- they'd get their ass handed back to them,"

"and what if i wanted to be the one who did it? what if i wanted to be the one to kill her?"

"was it worth it, ellie?"

she stays quiet, and you let out a shaky breath, slipping your hands into your pockets.

“i’m glad you’re alive,” you say, before retreating into the snow.

[purifiedclitoris69]

In it together

Hiii. I am alive, just very busy and overwhelmed with living ig. College fucking sucks and so does everything else rn, but figured i get a lil blurb out before i have to lock back into my classes. hope you enjoy!! don’t really know what ima do w my series or when ima update so i am sorry bout that LOL. anyway bye for now 👋👋

You were absolutely exhausted. A 2 week mission with only 3 hours of sleep total takes an intense toll, even if you are a super soldier. Letting the burning hot water run down your back , flashes of the recent mission ran through your mind. The experiment files were horrific, so many deaths, so many children.

You had only been at the compound for about a year and a half now, the team rescuing you from Hydra’s control like Bucky. You were free of the brainwash but not of the memories and this long ass mission had brought it all right back to the surface. It was getting better, your in therapy, bonding with the team, learning how to control your strength, your growing. But this mission, feels like it’s all about to come crumbling down. It made you feel sick. Thoughts of losing yourself, the team… of losing, Natasha, it burned your throat.

What you have with Natasha is confusing, complicated, but nice. No one else knows the true nature of it but you two. Falling into each others beds continuously for the past 8 months, staying tangled in each other, every single night, cuddling, and giggling like little teen girls. The team simply thought you guys were close friends, both you two being spies, it wasn’t too hard to hide your extracurriculars. But you both knew it was more, so much more. You held each other in the most gentlest ways…the most loving, opting not to leave one another when you guys inevitably came undone. In front of the team, you had a front, a quiet brooding one, but with her, it was peaceful, relieving, you felt free, like yourself. It was absolutely terrifying.

Not realizing it tears were beginning to mix with the water running down your face and crescent marks formed in your palms from clenching your fists too hard. You love her. You’re in love with her, but how could you tell her, would you. Your whole life you’ve been used as a weapon, serving for the military, then hydra. You were dangerous…a monster. It was late, almost 2 am, you couldn’t go to her now, she need rest, not a burden. no matter how much you yearned for her warmth. Turning off the burning water, you stepped out into the steam filled bathroom. Drying off, you wrapped the towel around your waist and another draped over your shoulders, you opened the door to your bedroom-on your bed sat Nat. Dark circles surrounded her eyes, her hair was slightly ruffled, she wore an old shirt of yours, and some of her loose sleep shorts. She looked absolutely stunning, you couldn’t help but give a soft tired smile.

“hi.” she spoke softly with a matching smile.

“hi,” you answered stopped in place just taking her in.

“you gonna get dressed,” she smirked tiredly, “tho i don’t mind.”

“oh really” you joked walking over to her and cupping her face as she looked up at you, “i missed you,” you spoke softly the tiredness bringing out a transparency.

She leaned into your hand closing her eyes, “i missed you,” she answered. Your heart swelled and the flashes came back, you could hurt her, what if you lose it. Suddenly taking a step back her cheek still warm from your touch, her eyes flew open. You turned your back, getting dressed by your closet, “is everything okay,” she asked as you pulled your tank top over your head and braced yourself against your dresser.

You opened your mouth unsure what you wanted her to know, “yeah,” was all you could muster.

“I really did miss you,” she walked up behind you wrapping her arms around your waist and leaning her check against your back, just enjoying your smell, “i don’t sleep well without you anymore.”

“me either,” you turned around wrapping your own arms around her middle and looking to the side as hers went to your neck, “it was a rough mission,” you mumbled

“oh, baby,” she spoke, moving her hands to your face this time, “look at me please,” your eyes were burning with unshed tears as they met her soft deep green ones, “oh, my love, it’s okay,” she brought your head down to her shoulder as you released a shaky breath and let your arms fall from around her waist, “is there something else,” she asked dropping her own hands. You walked past her to sit on the bed not really sure where to start as you looked at your hands in your lap, “we don’t have to talk about it, it’s okay,” she spoke sitting beside you and gently take your hands in her own.

You finally looked back at her face, your eyes still glossy. You stared deep into each others eyes, “you’re so beautiful, Natasha,” you said memorizing every detail of her. She laughed quietly as a soft blush rose to her face.

“Shut up,” she said putting her forehead against hers.

She closed her eyes at the action as yours remained open, “I mean it, you’re the prettiest girl there is.”

Her blush grew as she pulled back and looked away slightly, “god i love you,” she mumbled out casually bringing shock to both your faces. She immediately pulled her hands away and stood from the bed, her mouth opening and closing unsure what to say as you looked at her, overwhelmed with emotions, “y/n i’m sorry i-“

“You do?” you asked getting up from the bed with her, “you love me?”

“I..” She spoke uncertain, taking a deep breath in, “y/n i’m in love with you.” You laughed slightly in disbelief. You moved towards her with purpose grabbing her waist and pulling her into a bruising kiss, pouring every amount of love into it as possible, like it was the last time, like you were consumed by everything Natasha. You both grinned wide into the kiss, forcing the two of you to break apart.

Taking a deep breath, “Tasha, I..,” the thoughts all came rushing back. Your going to hurt her, you don’t deserve this love, your going to lose it all.

She moved her hands down from your neck to intertwine with your own, “I know,” she whispered.

“I really do,” you said, your foreheads still pressed together, “I..,” your mouth fell open and closed absolutely terrified to say something wrong, “Im just scared,” you mumbled, closing your eyes, but never dropping your hold.

“Don’t be,” she answered, moving her hands back up to cup your face, “we’re in this together.”

[beeing1alive]

The moment when Tokyo Revengers Boys realise that they love you

f.t.: Mikey (Manjirō Sanō); Draken (Ken Ryūgūji)

Warning: none, for Mikey slight fear to fluff

Mikey:

It was on a relatively warm summer's day and you sought refuge from the stifling heat in his room

You walked through his room and looked at it carefully until you came across a photo

It showed the much younger Mikey, smiling broadly and next to him a tall young man with black hair

You showed him the picture and asked him who the young man there was

He suddenly calmed down a little as he gently stroked the photo with his finger

He slowly explained to you that the man was his brother Shinichiro, who was ten years older than him, but unfortunately he is no longer alive

He looks very calm on the outside, but his fixed gaze into the doctrine reveals that he is probably very upset inside, as if you have brought back memories that he had long since suppressed

You realised how bad he was feeling at that moment, how tormented he was at the thought of this deceased person

So you simply hugged him

You gently put his face in the crook of your neck and wrapped your arms around him

Woke up as if from a trance and noticed how you were trying to comfort him

Wanted to melt into your touch, stay like that forever, never let you go again

If you had always been there when he thought back to his brother, he would have been spared many tearful nights without sleep and so many bouts of guilt

And he loves you for it, so much

Realises it at the exact moment when your arms want to move away from him again, but he gently pulls them back to hold the embrace like that a little longer

Sometimes he feels like he would break without you, crushed by all the unspoken problems and worries he has

Thanks heaven every day that you are there to brighten his life

Draken:

It was late spring, early summer and you were taking a walk to Musashi Shrine in Shubuya

You both were walking side by side, talking about random things

You were telling him about your day and the school lessons you had today

But he could only focus on you, not really hearing what you were saying, like his ears were wrapped in cotton wool, like he was in his own little bubble

His eyes flitted over your perfect face, your body gently moving you forward, your lips moving as you spoke

It went on like this the whole time, until he realised that you had stopped and you had asked him several times if everything was all right

But since he didn't answer, you gently took his hand to squeeze it gently, hoping it would bring him out of his thoughts again

And it workedIt hit him like a blow

Thought you would let go of his hand as soon as he apologised for his inattention, but you didn't

You kept holding his hand and just kept walking of course asked if you were going to let go of his hand again, but you said no, a simple, sweet no

You explained that it just felt so right

Slight redness was on his face, but luckily you looked ahead again and kept walking

At that moment it clicked in his head

Such a simple touch from you has thrown him off track and he never wants you to take your gentle hands off him again

Even all the words you say sound so beautiful in his ears, like a melody that you love so much and have been looking for so long

With you he can simply relax, because he can hardly do that otherwise, his life is hard and you soften it a little with your presence

Note: I only wrote for the two of them, but they are very long scenarios and there are definitely more parts planned. If you would like a specific character, write to me or just leave a comment

Attention: The characters and the gif do not belong to me. All credits go to the actual owners. If you want anything to be changed or removed, please write to me.

[tonberry-yoda]

Take a Break - Asra

notes - IM BACK FROM THE DEAD AND WITH A FIC?!?!?! Hi guys! <3 I've been in a bit of a block feeling like my writing is meh, but I wanted to pump this out to get out of said block. I'm finally on a short break for school, but I'll be working then, but now, I had time to write and wanted to give you all something, even if it's short and sweet. I also wanted to thank you all for the support even as I've been on my hiatus. I nearly have 200 followers, and I just can't thank everyone enough for being so loving! Sorry this note was kinda long, but I really want you all to know how much I love you <3 word count - 941

“Hi Asra.” You smile, giving the boy goo-goo eyes as he walks into the shop that the two of you owned.

“Hello, y/n.” he says, not once looking at you. He was too busy looking down at a list of some sort to notice you staring at him while you stood behind the counter.

“Busy?” you asked.

“Mhm.” was all he let out before walking up to his office.

You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair. Another busy day that clouded both you and Asra. You were used to it by now, but a break sounded nice every once in a while. So instead of that break, you played with a bottle full of tea leaves that you were proud to say you made yourself. You didn't hate your job, if anything, you loved it more than any job you’ve had before. The problem was Asra. He looked constantly stressed and beyond tired. You hated that he was starting to look like he was the one who hated his job. He had so much passion years ago, but now he just looked swamped.

“Good evening, y/n!” you heard a familiar voice say as the bell rang above the door. Your ears perked up and a smile spread across your face as you saw one of your regular customers walk in.

“Evening, Mr. Bennet! How are you?” You set down the little bottle and walked over to the man, shaking his hand.

“Fine, fine,” he said. “Busy as always. You?” He hung his coat on a rack next to the door and started browsing.

“I'm all right,” you admitted. “Bout to close up shop, so that’s nice.”

“I won't be too long.” He looked at some of the tea you had made, carefully reading the instructions. “Where’s Asra, if you don't mind me asking?”

“Oh, he's upstairs. Probably working as always.” You rested your cheek on your hand.

“Go figure. Poor man needs to catch a break.”

“Tell me about it.” you chuckled.

“Well, when you see him again,” Mr. Bennet said, walking to the counter with a box of tea leaves. “Tell him that he has to get that break, for me, of course.”

You laughed and took the money from the man, locking the door behind him as he left.

“Was that Mr. Bennet?” you heard Asra ask, making you nearly jump out of your skin.

“Yeah,” you said nonchalantly as you began to clean up for the night. “He just got some tea, that’s all.”

“Dammit,” Asra groaned, leaning against the wall. “I had to ask him something.”

“You know he’ll be back. He’s in here all the time. Plus, he told me to tell you to take a damn break.”

Asra ran his fingers through his white hair while his other hand clutched some tarot cards. “You know I can't do that.” he sighed.

“Whatever you say.” You finished sweeping up the rest of the shop and walked past Asra.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“To my room. To take a break.” So, you did. You walked straight to your room and laid on your bed. It was soft, as always, and all of your stuffed animals gave you soft smiles.

Through your window, you could see the moon peeking over some mountains behind the town and a smile spread across your face. You quickly jumped out of bed to open your window to bring in some cool night air. It smelled fresh. You saw crows fly overhead and could see the lights from the rest of the village turning on as the night market began overflowing with people. You’ve been needing this relaxation for weeks, and finally, it was a weekend where you had time for it.

At your door, you heard Asra clear his throat. When you turned around, he had Faust wrapped around his bicep and the tarot cards were still in his hand.

“Need something?” you asked.

“Not really.” he said quietly.

“You look tired.” Your voice was softer than his.

Asra chuckled. “I am tired.”

“Then take a break. Please.”

Faust slid her way off of Asra’s arm and slid over to you. You picked her up and she wrapped herself around your wrist. “Break!” she said to Asra.

“There’s so much to do before the weekend is over though.” Asra sighed and leaned against the frame of your door.

“Like what?” you asked.

He thought for a minute. You assumed that he was going to try to make some excuse to keep himself busy. There were probably things he had to do over the weekend, but you also knew that Asra was the kind of guy who always felt the need to be productive.

You walked over to him and put your hand on his shoulder. “Asra, I'm serious, you need a break. Those eyebags don't look good on you.” You ran your thumb underneath his eye over the dark spots there.

He softened to your touch, leaning his cheek on your warm hand. “What if everything falls apart because of me?” he asked.

“I think you’re just making excuses.” you giggled.

He took your hand in his own and smiled softly at you. Faust, you noticed, had disappeared, but you didn't mind, especially when you just saw her curling up in a little cage you had made for her.

“Do you want some hot cocoa?” you asked Asra as he took a seat on your bed.

“That would be wonderful, y/n, thank you.”

You pressed a kiss to his forehead and pushed him so that he was laying down. “I'll be right back.” You winked.

~~~~~

the arcana masterlist | pinned post | ko-fi

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[mouwrites]

i’n asking too many of these dndhdhdhd (it’s there same anon from the pixel empire + brekafast hc) but i noticed that i think you havent done a kai and reader one yet????

so like i am gonna ask if you can do kai being comforted by reader post seabound ???thanks again sorry kf im asking for too many

YAY welcome back anon!!! I literally love your requests, you could never ask for too many <33 anywho I hope this is okay!

Word count: 815

Ninjago - Comforting Kai After Seabound

You brought your body against the door, bringing your ear close to listen for any noise. Nothing.

“Kai?” You called quietly, hoping not to startle him.

You heard a muffled hum. Pushing inside, you were immediately struck with the darkness of the room.

You scanned the area as your eyes adjusted, finally landing on Kai seated on the ground, his back pressed against his bed. He was looking at you with his deep brown eyes, void of the usual life they gleamed with.

You made an effort to smile as you made your way across the room. You sank down next to him, spotting a picture frame in his hands that you hadn’t noticed before.

It didn’t matter that it was dark. You didn’t need to see to know that it was the picture of him and his sister, taken many years ago, when Nya was still training to be a ninja.

You brought your shoulder against his, looking at him with concern lacing your expression. You hoped he’d look over and see, prompting him to speak, but his eyes remained locked on the photo.

As it turned out, he didn’t need prompting to speak. After a second he spoke, his voice betraying none of his anguish.

“Do you think I should’ve stopped her?”

“Kai…”

“Yeah, yeah, it was a necessary sacrifice. I know. That’s what you guys keep saying.”

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

He ignored you, lapsing into another bout of silence.

“It’s so quiet,” he began, almost whispering now. “I think back and all I can hear is her voice. All I can see is her face. What am I supposed to do now?”

You reached up, taking one of his hands away from the frame and interlacing your fingers with his. “You remember.”

“Remember..?”

“When people… leave, they’re never really gone. They gifted us with memories to keep, little things to think of that make you smile. Things that they did, words they said, ways they’ve looked.”

Kai blinked slowly. The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. His voice wavered as he said: “I remember when she used to wear a lot of red. It was totally her color.”

“She looked good in every color,” you murmured, squeezing his hand with a smile.

He chuckled, but a tear twinkled in the dim light as it streaked down his cheek. He put the picture in his lap and leaned on your shoulder.

“I just miss her. I want to see her again.”

“I know, I know,” you whispered, running a hand through his hair.

He began to quiver as a crying fit overtook him. You pulled him closer, allowing him to fully lean against you with his face buried in the crook of your neck. He gripped the fabric of your clothing with shaking fists.

The picture had fallen to the floor. You looked at it, your eyes finally adjusted enough to the darkness that you could make out Nya’s face. You couldn’t help the tears that pricked at your eyes at the mere sight.

You couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she was your sister. The one you’d been with your whole life. The one who you could always count on to be there, even in darkness. To have someone like that ripped away from you… that would be brutal.

You brought your arms tighter about Kai, rubbing his back comfortingly. “I’ve got you,” you breathed.

Kai sniffled, pulling away. His puffy eyes were filled with emotion again; half anguish, half gratitude, with a sprinkle of that old fire stirring somewhere in the depths.

“I think you’re right. I’m glad she gave me things to remember. Memories. Things that make me smile.”

A sad smirk made its way onto his face. “But that doesn’t mean that I’ll ever stop missing her.”

“You don’t have to,” you said, taking his hand and bringing it to your lips. “You don’t have to.”

He nodded. Wiped the last tears from his eyes. “You know what I just remembered?”

“Hm?”

“She used to make a mean ham sandwich.”

“She did.” Your mouth watered at the mere thought. You don’t know what she did to those things, but there was something magical about the way she’d be able to put so few ingredients together and make an absolutely smacking meal. “Now I want one.”

“Let’s go make some,” Kai suggested, standing up. “It won’t be the same, but… I want to keep talking about her. And I’m hungry.”

You worked together to make the sandwiches. They weren’t anywhere near as scrumptious as hers (despite using the exact same ingredients), but they somehow helped you remember other little things about her.

You grinned at each memory you discussed. There was pain somewhere deep in you, but for now it was overshadowed by your memories. The things she gifted you to make you smile.

Thank you anon for your request!! And thanks for reading, have a good one darlings <3

[shurislover]

A Look into Letitias Spam ll

- i really love making these lol

- enjoy and thank you so much for showing love on the first one. i really appreciate it

- part 1

tishspams

liked by therealyn and 389 others

tishspams on a date kinda nervous ( drinks kinda nasty )

therealyn you’re such a wimp , those drinks were so good

jojovandalkidd @/therealyn bracelets are fire ! link please

therealyn i made them boo, i’ll make you some and bring it to you when i see you

jojovandalkidd this why you’re my absolute favorite love you 4 life

tishspams

liked by dominiquethorne and 596 others

tishspams CAUGHT 🤪

dominiquethorne get a room 😒

kosarali__ that’s what i’m saying

 therealyn dom baby if you wanna kiss just say that

dominiquethorne i’m ready when you are

jojovandalkidd pic snapped by me 😤

tishspams

liked by therealyn and 632 others

tishspams happy birthday to the love of my life, my princess , my baby , my future wife , my kids future mother , my overall everything. you guys truly don’t understand how much this woman means to me, she was one of the main people who pulled me out of this dark hole after losing my brother. she checked up on me constantly , she made sure i ate , made sure i took care of myself. she made me the woman i am today and i’m forever grateful. i love you so damn much , and i cant wait to celebrate tonight with you sexy ! the big 2 6 baby. cheers to more years ! tish and y/n forever and always , locked in 4L 🔒❤️

therealyn mi amor 🥺 love you forever and always , got me crying rn. you know i got you always.

jojovandalkidd can’t wait to celebrate with the kid . happy birthday y/n

dominiquethorne the big 26 !! cant wait to see y’all tonight

michaeldapaah lil one growing up

shionat my baby growing up 😭

1dessdior my girl y/nnnnnn you got yourself a special one , happy birthday boo

haydmclean celebrating big tonight

tishspams

liked by jojovandalkidd and 900 others

tishspams y/n on this, just know my baby cool where she’s at

haydmclean not people out here trying to break y’all up

therealyn they should know better, i don’t play bout mine 😤

jojovandalkidd let em know

therealyn you already know what’s the vibes

tishspams and therealyn

liked by dominiquethorne and 13,587 others

therealyn i’m about to get real sappy on this. it’s the big 30 for my big baby 🥺. y’all when i say this woman means everything to me i fucking mean it. she has stuck by my side through everything, supports me in every single way and i just love her for that. i honestly thank God for you everytime i wake up and everytime i go to sleep. I am so grateful for all the amazing times we spend together, the happiness you bring into my life. Keep doing big things my love, keeping inspiring not only me , not only yourself but all the black girls and boys out there. I love you forever and always mi amor. LETS LIVE IT UP IN GREECE BABYYYYYYYYYYYY

tishspams love you 5 ever baby

therealyn 😘😘

jojovandalkidd Greece ain’t ready for us

therealyn NOT at all

daishamonee DIRTY 30!

tishspams

liked by daishamonee and 456 others

tishspams why she caught me slipping in her bonnet 😒

dominiquethorne bonnet for ???

jojovandalkidd right ?

winstonduke them little 3 milimeters of hair don’t need a bonnet

therealyn not too much on my baby. she got inches don’t play 😒

tishspams

liked by therealyn and 874 others

tishspams she wanna be me so bad

therealyn AND DO !

daishamonee i mean who wouldn’t

jojovandalkidd exactly! bro acting like the whole internet isn’t in love with her , she got a fly ass gf and living her best life ? come on now !

kosarali__ let it be known

winstonduke how you let your gf outshine you in your own fit ??

therealyn you’re so real ! she’s never getting this suit back.

tishspams

liked by dominiquethorne and 690 others

tishspams she thought the view was pretty…. but i thought she was prettier 🤭

daishamonee did google help you with this caption ?

tishspams sure did

dominiquethorne y’all so damn cheesy

haydmclean when y’all getting married ?? i’m ready for wedding season ?

tishspams soon come !

tishspams

liked by haydmclean and 567 others

tishspams y/n on this ! bae sleep rn but look what i found lollll ( shes gonna jump me when she sees this )

winstonduke good luck to you when she wakes up

jojovandalkidd nah the auntie hairstyle is crazy

haydmclean this shit has me so weak i’m keeping this

dominiquethorne my new favorite picture

kosarali__ you’re definitely getting cussed out lol

therealyn y’all this picture has legit tears coming out my eyes

jojovandalkidd i’m gonna need you to text me in the morning to make sure you’re alive

haydmclean me too lmao good luck y/n

tishspams

liked by therealyn and 20,678 others

tishspams kept this a secret for a while , so i could bask up my excitement in private with my FIANCÉ 🤭 you guys SHE PROPOSED ! IM A WHOLE FIANCÉ ! A WIFE TO BE !

daishamonee WHAT ?

haydmclean shout out to @/therealyn for choosing me to help pick the ring. happy for you bro

dominiquethorne BIG CONGRATS !!

ayoedebiri WOAH ! happy for you letitia

ramlaali BRING ON THE WEDDING SEASON

officialsheiks been waiting for this moment

prada this a big one 🔥

s11mone so happy for you sis

littlesimz NO WAY !

shionat you deserve this so much

michaeldapaah BIG TINGZ

thewrightnikki I KNOW THATS RIGHT

————————-

was supposed to post this for her birthday

[cowgurrrl]

Guuurrllll I don’t even know why I’m about to hurt myself but here we go:

Joel realizes on Baby girls birthday that she is a year older than Sarah and he reflects…just something really emotional that is going to make us all cry. Please and thank you

Thank you for the request honey and I’m so sorry it took so long!! I hope you like it 🫶

Fifteen

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (but this is all Joel and Charlie)

Author’s note: this image made me think of the girls and I almost cried so I had to add it

Summary: Charlie turns 15 [1.5k]

Warnings: teenage angst, discussions of deceased loved ones, Joel being the biggest girl dad you’ve ever met

The heat inching away from the mountains is the first indication Charlie's birthday is nearby. The second is the countdown Joel inevitably creates, announcing every morning how many days until his little girl's birthday. She loved it for the first few years she actually cared about her birthday, but with the teenage years crawling along, she finds it less and less endearing each year. Nothing, not even teenage angst, could stop Joel Miller from celebrating his daughter. 

Still, Charlie's different this year. She's distant. Every time you bring up her birthday, she shuts you down in that teenage way that makes you feel like you've done something wrong just for asking a question. You cry to Joel about it, and he soothes you, but it still hurts when it's the night before her birthday, and she hasn't so much as told you what she wants for dinner. 

Joel wakes up in the middle of the night for no particular reason. He looks around the room like he's forgetting he had something to do but can't remember it. You're sleeping peacefully next to him, and he kisses your cheek before padding down the hallway. He peeks his head into Charlie's room and finds her bed unmade and empty, but instead of panicking, he has an idea of where she might be. He's found her out there several times in the past few years and always tells her to stay in bed, but she never listens. The anxiety in the back of his head dies down at the sight of Charlie's curly head on the back porch.

"You better not let your mama catch you out here this late." He says, his voice deep from sleep, and Charlie jumps at the sound. She sighs in exasperation as Joel saddles up next to her.

"Sorry. I just couldn't sleep. I wasn't sneaking out or anything." She admits guiltily, and Joel nods, staring at her. Watching her mind work silently like this makes it hard for him to believe that someone so beautiful, smart, witty, and kind ever could've come from him. But when she meets his gaze through the low light of the back porch, she's all big Miller eyes and a crease between her eyebrows. "Why are you out here?"

"Dad Senses were goin' off." He shrugs, and Charlie laughs a little. 

"You do not have Dad Senses."

"No?" He asks, and she shakes her head. "Then, how'd I know you were out here, smart ass?" When she's quiet, only a smile pulling on her lips, he nudges her with his shoulder and makes her laugh again. "Huh? I can't hear you." 

"Alright, alright. Whatever. Maybe you have Dad Senses." She relents, and Joel bows his head graciously.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" 

"Don't know," Charlie sighs. "Just can't stop thinking." 

"Bout what?" He asks gently, and he watches her guards come down. For years, Joel has had this innate talent to get his daughters to talk to him about the hard stuff. You were always jealous because it took a little longer to get the girls to talk to you, but he could get them to spill secrets in no time. You blame it on the fact that he was always meant to be a dad. 

"D'you think she's gonna be okay?" She asks so quietly Joel almost misses it. "Like with my birthday and stuff?"

"That's what's got you all tore up?" He's not malicious in his tone. He's just shocked. Charlie stays quiet and he takes a deep breath before wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. "Honey, your mama is one of the strongest people I know. She's gonna be just fine. We're never ever gonna be sad about somethin' like your birthday, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"So, you're gonna be okay?" She asks, looking up at him, and Joel furrows his brows in confusion.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I'll be older than her." The fact hits him hard enough to make him hold onto Charlie a little tighter in case he stumbles. He knew this day would come when you found out you were pregnant. He knew it would happen when she turned one and when she became a year older than Jane ever was. He knew it would happen. So, why does it feel so unexpected? 

Maybe because he'd been holding a torch for Sarah all these years, counting the missed birthdays as if he could see her age with them. Maybe because he got so caught up keeping his family safe, he stopped thinking about her fifteenth birthday. Maybe because he was learning to take it day by day, to memorize his daughters' features and laughs, to dance in the kitchen with his wife, instead of waiting for a second shoe to drop and his undeserved soft life to be ripped out from under him. Whatever the case, he tries to recover quickly and kisses Charlie's forehead.  

"You know, when you were born, your mama and I used to have these long conversations bout what you'd be like when you got older. She told me stories bout Jane, and I told her bout Sarah, and you'd just lay there sleepin' or playin' with Ellie," he says wistfully. "And even after all that talkin' and plannin', you are still beyond our wildest dreams. I mean, we knew you'd be amazing, but shit, kid. You really take our breath away." Charlie laughs a little at the praise, and it's enough to give Joel a second to take a shaky breath. 

"And even when you were so little, we worried bout you and what tellin' you bout your sisters might do. We even talked about maybe not ever telling you bout them, but that didn't seem right," he shakes his head, and Charlie makes a face at the idea of never knowing about her sisters. "But, the one thing we knew we could agree on was that we never ever wanted you to feel bad for being the one who survived, and I'm sorry that that's what's happened."

"It's not that…" Charlie sighs. "I guess I just struggle. Knowing I'm here and they're not and how much you wanted them to be here." 

"I get it. We struggle, too, but we wanted you to be here just as much as we wanted them. You know the stories, so I won't repeat 'em, but your mama and I were really, really young when we had Sarah and Jane. And it would've been easy to walk away or make a different decision, but we loved them. They were a part of us, and, of course, we miss them, but that doesn't take away from our love for you and Ellie. We want and love all four of our girls, but it… it just wasn't in the plans that you'd get to meet each other." 

"Am I… do I…" she struggles before mumbling a quiet 'fuck it.' If you were around, he'd reprimand her, but because it's just them, he lets it slide. "Do I remind you of Sarah?" She asks, and Joel smiles. 

"Sometimes. "

"And Mom? Do I remind her of Jane?"

"Yeah. She's said a few times that you've done things she did."

"Is that a good thing? That I remind you of them?"

"Of course it is, but, baby, you're so much more than just a reminder of them. You're your own person with your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and we love you for that. We love you for so much more than just bein' a reminder, and I'm sorry if that got lost along the way," he squeezes her hard like he's trying to press the words into her. "So, yeah, I might be a little sad bout your birthday, and I might think bout Sarah, but I'm so happy that you're gonna be fifteen." His voice catches on the age, and he shakes his head at the night sky. 

"You're gonna be fifteen, but yesterday I was lyin' on the couch with you so your mama could get some sleep."

"Daddy," Charlie scolds, but it's too late; tears are already falling down his cheeks, and she's already chuckling at him. She steps back and wipes away his tears with a soft smile on her face that isn't completely him or you but a mixture of something new and perfect. "No more of that, alright? You're gonna make me cry."

"I can't make you any promises."

"I know," Charlie says as she wraps her arms around Joel and hugs him tight. She's just tall enough that her head fits under his chin, and she can hear his heartbeat. "I don't need promises." She says. There, on the porch, amidst the fireflies and cicadas of late summer, the clock strikes midnight, and Charlotte Elaine turns fifteen in her father's arms. They don't know it yet, though. Joel still wears a broken watch, and Charlie is in the season of youth where she has nothing but time, so why would she care about it? Why should either of them care about it?

They have time.

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha

[tupperwaretub]

Blood-Ridden(part 3)

Pairing:Top!Joel Miller x bottom!male!Reader(firefly)

Warnings: excessive drinking, trauma sharing, unprotected SMUT, mainly angst, a bit of drunken fluff. Fluffy end.

Summary: Joel invites you over to his place for a few drinks, you both end up drinking too much and doing some things you regret.

Part 2: here

----------------------

You and Joel have gotten really close since the incident with Charlie, he invites you around on Saturdays for a couple drinks to try and bring some normalcy and structure to the both of your lives, its been a year and admittedly its worked a charm, ever since you and Joel had started hanging out your intrusive thoughts had quieted down, still there... But you can ignore them.

Just like every week Saturday rolls around and you're letting yourself into Joels apartment, his apartment is a little more run down than you and Tommy's but you two tend to put some effort into the structural integrity Joel obviously doesn't care enough.

"Hey Joel." You greet him with a smile and he smiles back. "Hey y/n." You walk over to him and pull him into a hug which he reciprocates. When you both pull away Joel begins to speak "Me and Tess raided a liquor store on our last run outside the QZ, most of it went to buyers but i made sure to save enough for us." He says as he tugs up his floorboard where he keeps his contraband, he pulls out three bottles of liquor. "This'll last us a long time what d'you think?" He shoots you a glance. "Yeah definitely."

Joel turns to grab two glasses and you head for the couch, he joins you soon enough with a shot of liquor each. You clink your glass with Joel's and down it.

.............

You're not sure how long its been since your first drink, you're not sure when you and Joel decided the glasses weren't necessary and started drinking straight out the bottle. You're not sure when you finished that bottle and started on the second but you can tell it couldn't have been long ago because the bottle in Joel's hand is almost full. You direct your eyes to Joel's face, he's saying something.

"On outbreak day.. i lost my daughter." He hiccups "I fuckin' ... Uh.. she got shot by some fedra asshole.. and I.. I couldn't save her.." He wipes his eyes and takes a long swig from the bottle in his hand. "What 'bout you." His eyes lock with yours. "Huh?" You rub your eyes and try to sober up a little. "Did you lose anyone on outbreak day?" You look down at the couch you're sat on and remember daniel. "Yeah." Joels hand rests atop yours. "Tell me about them." You swallowed down your emotions the best you could and told him about Daniel, how you lost him. You had no idea you had started crying until Joel wiped your tears with his thumb. You both went silent for a while, the bottle of liquor set on the table while you basked in eachothers company.

"Y'know how i was a complete ass when we first met?" Joel says breaking the silence. "Uhh.. yeah." You reply swinging your head to face him. "I think... It was just because I found you attractive.." His words are slurred. You sit there and stare at the wall thinking of a response, your brain working slower than you want it to. "Do you still find me attractive?" You say with drunk confidence. "Yeah. I do." You shuffle closer to him and cup his face "why didn't you say sooner?" Your eyes meet and he frowns. "I'm scared... That if i confess things to people, and i get attached, they'll die and I'll have to go through the same grief i went through with sarah all over again." He blinks and a tear rolls down his cheek but you wipe it away. "Well I'm not going anywhere."

Suddenly Joels lips crash against yours and his hands land on your hips, when you process whats happening you sink into the kiss and your arms wrap around his neck. Joels hands slide to your ass and he hoists you onto his lap. He pulls away from your lips and starts kissing down your neck leaving a trail of light hickeys. You let out a surprised gasp as Joel stands up and carries you to his bed, he places you down and starts to fumble with his belt. You slide your pants and underwear down and kick them off and Joel finally unbuckles his belt and takes his pants and briefs off.

Joel pushes you down gently and pulls you into a messy kiss, your hands seek refuge in his soft hair. You pull apart and Joel slowly kisses down your neck, bringing his hand up to your lips his middle and index fingers gently poking for entrance. You take his fingers into your mouth and suck, knowing exactly where they're going next.

As soon as Joel was happy with how wet his fingers were he moved his hand down to your hole, they're a tight fit but the alcohol drowns out any discomfort. His head his still hidden in the crook of your neck as he kisses and sucks dark hickeys that you'll both regret "Joel." You whine, he doesn't even look up but he removes his fingers and replaces them with his cock.

The sex is rushed, careless, there isn't an ounce of intimacy behind either of your moments but more desperation, fear and want.

Joel finishes on your stomach and rolls over, hes fast asleep within the minute. You lay on your back as sleep slowly takes over, the alcohol acting as immunity to any regrets for now.

........................

The light was blinding as you made out the figure of a soldier, he can help. "hello! Hey! Over here! Please, we need your help my friend hes broken his arm and one of those crazy people bit him, he needs medical attention!" You shout towards the soldier. "hands up! Put your hands up!" The soldier exclaims, you both comply but Daniel is unable to reach both arms up.

"your friend, this guy here? He was bitten?" The soldier finally asks, lowering his voice but keeping his gun raised in your direction.

The soldier goes quiet, reaching towards his walkie and mumbling a few things, then finally saying "yes sir." He raises his gun once more now pointing it towards Daniel, and then that familiar bang echoed through your ears.

.........................

Your breath hitches and your eyes open wide to a view of Joel's ceiling, you slowly come back to reality and sigh as you kick your legs over the side of the bed and sit up - your head pounding away. You turn to see Joel's sleeping figure as you remember the events of last night.

Quickly and silently you collect together your belongings and leave Joels apartment, you don't want to be there to find out how he reacts.

Its still dark outside as you sneak your way back to you and Tommy's shared apartment, you find him awake getting ready for the day as you attempt to sneak through the door. Tommy practically jumps out of his skin.

"shit y/n! I thought you were at Joels.." he says with a sigh. "I was." You reply blankly as you place down your things and go into your room but Tommy is quick to follow, "Something happened. What?" He glances at your neck "Oh.. I see." "What? What do you mean?" Your hand covers the area Tommy had glanced at. "He was pretty rough?" He asks, not letting Joel's name slip from his mouth. "Ew Tommy stop it. I just want to forget about it." You rub your eyes and sit on the edge of your bed.

"so it was a mistake? I mean i get it my brother can be pretty charming I've seen him do -" Tommy begins to ramble. "No. Tommy, it wasnt a mistake. Not for me. But i don't know what Joel is going to think when he wakes up, fuck, we had something good going and one drink too many and now its gone." Theres a pause between the both of you before Tommy makes his way next to you and puts his hand on your shoulder. "If you don't wanna speak to him it's fine, I might be his brother but I'm your best friend. I wont make you talk to him." You turn to look at Tommy "thanks.." he shoots you a sympathetic smile before playfully shoving you and getting up. " So how hungover are you on a scale of 1 to 10."

You flop back and laugh "fuck Tommy, like a 9." He chuckles "gonna have to get through it today buddy. Come with me on tonights run we'll smuggle in some aspirin if we find any." You smile at him "thanks Tommy, how will i ever repay you."

"for now, by not dying on me but im sure somethin'll come up." He jokes and leaves the room to continue getting ready.

...............

It's been at least a month now since the night with Joel, Tommy has done a good job at helping you avoid him but you've heard from Tess that he's been looking around for you. You know its stupid to just keep hiding from him but your fear of what he could say gets the better of you and you keep avoiding him.

That was until one fateful day when you were sorting ammunition for Marlene when suddenly you heard commotion outside, before you could see what was going on Joel barged through the door looking pissed.

"shit y/n I'm sorry he just barged past me." Tommy apologises as he walks in past Joel. "It's fine Tommy." You and Joel stare at eachother before Joel finally speaks "we need to talk." His gruff voice gives you butterflies and you start to feel guilty for avoiding him. "While we're surrounded by guns?" "You gonna shoot me?" It sounds like a joke but his face says otherwise. "No. You gonna shoot me?" "No. So this works."

"i was thinking of having this conversation somewhere nicer.." you say directing your attention back to the work Marlene had set you, Tommy had left and shut the door a little while ago. "You were planning on having this conversation? When y/n? Because it really seems to me you've just been avoidin' this." Joel seems to have calmed down slightly but is clearly still incredibly angry. "I guess I was.."

"why y/n?" You were surprised by his forwardness as you didn't take Joel to be the kind of guy to want to have these kinds of conversations. Sober at least. "I don't know Joel.." "yeah you do, why've you been avoidin' me?" You settle down what you're doing again and face him, his face is relaxed but you know hes really anxious on the inside. "I don't know.. i guess i was scared." You admit looking down and fiddling with the hem of your shirt. "Of what ?.." Joel takes a few steps forward but stays a comfortable distance away. "Of you hating me, i was scared you'd wake up and tell me to get out or to never speak to you again. I didn't think it was a mistake but i was worried you would."

You see Joel's shoes enter your vision and you look up to see hes face to face with you with a almost loving look on his face. "I didn't think it was a mistake either." He leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. "Let me take you outside the QZ, I know a nice spot we could go to just the two of us?"

"Like a date?" You smile.

"Yeah.. like a date" He smiles back.

..................

A/n: Joel seems a little outa character in this one for me but also having him in character would make the story more complicated to make and my head can't handle complicated 😔 anyways hope you enjoyed can't wait to get to what i have planned for this series its gonna get a lot better trust.

[gorgeousundertow]

for the hbowar ask game, a, f, i, l, o, v, w (unrelated to the ask game: xoxoxoxo)

a. okay he's not underrated because I think people definitely like him but here's the thing I would smash Patterson like a hammer

f. ranking the shows oh no i'm so sorry everyone but i did not like...

4. The Pacific. I'm just being honest right now. I liked certain parts and certain characters A LOT but it all felt too disjointed and there were too many through lines and it was (this sounds bad bc war and trauma and tragedy but hey I watch tv for entertainment) depressing. I didn't like a war show bc war is depressing, I know how ridiculous that sound.

3. Masters of the Air. Not anywhere near as depressing, but much more disjointed. I couldn't track or find a connection with most of the characters. It felt like too much telling and not enough showing about what I should care about and I want to seeeeee these things.

2. Generation Kill is probably my second-favorite, but I think about it all the time (and by all the time I really do literally mean all. the. time.) so I have to wonder if that's inaccurate? But you guys. It's so fucking good don't take this slight rank of #2 to mean anything besides it's so fucking good and I love it.

Band of Brothers, because it was my first love. Because winnix. Because gorgeous cinematography. Because Liebgott's jugular. Because "Doing fine, Bill, thanks for asking." Because Dick Winters shaving. Because Nixon's suspenders. Because F Company got lost again. Because Joe Toye's brass knuckles.

i. wheeee the fun one!

@ep6bastogne Babe. But not just sweet thoughtful funny Babe although yes that but also sobbing for Julian Babe devastated eyes meeting Gene's in Hagenau Babe.

@screwby Ray ur just Ray-Ray. A sweet chaotic gremlin of such a good and emotionally available friend who is also more down to talk dick than anybody I know.

@lamialamia You give me Snafu vibes but hear me out. It's not tossing rocks in brain puddles Snaf, but Peer Into My Eyes to Check for Disease But Also For the Flirt Snaf.

@blood-mocha-latte I don't know you as well but you started this whole thing and should get as much Being Perceived as you deserve for all that effort. You've got the Very Excited and Delighted attitude of Luz Talking Through The Movie, but also Snug as a Bug nurturing Luz. I'm not even saying this because of Luztoye week, this is just what I'm getting.

l. hbowar does seem a lot less hectic. I've never really participated in other fandoms, but I've lurked around the edges of Good Omens and BBC Sherlock and. well.

o. okay i'm bout to get slapped but. i don't really get luztoye. Obviously I was there for "Just give me a goddamn drink" and several other key scenes but...I don't know!!! Obviously the textual clues are there and they are not subtle, I just don't quite get how the two personalities mesh. Excited to read more fics until I do get it *hides*

v. snippet:

“Nate’s already made contact,” Ray argued. “Go on, homes, bring her a drink, make small talk, compliment her shoes. Whatever, dude. See what you can get out of her.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Brad said.

Nate frowned. “You don’t think she’d be interested?”

Brad looked over to where Lara stood sipping her wine and pretending she wasn’t watching Nate’s every move. “I didn’t say that.”

Ray barked out a laugh. “Dude, I was listening in. She wants your tongue in her mouth, like, yesterday.”

Nate grinned widely and turned to make his way back over to Lara. Brad thought it would probably feel really good to punch something. 

“You okay there, Big Gay Brad?”

“Shut up, Ray.”

“Don’t worry, he can’t hear us. This is a special private channel just for you and me. You know, you could just tell him. You could walk right up to him and say, ‘Nate, your soulful green eyes and air of heroic tragedy give me a hard on like I’m a thirteen-year-old boy watching his cousin bounce naked on a trampoline. I want to suck all your pain and suffering right out through your dickhole.’”

w. What hbowar url I should have instead of my Fully Unrelated and Inscrutable url is an excellent question! Problem is Lenora/@screwby already stole the best one.

[makingspiritualityreal]

https://www.tumblr.com/makingspiritualityreal/655268025460752384/hi-in-vedic-when-people-say-association-of-either

I was looking through your masterposts and I wanted to say that I really resonated with your experience of mercury in anuradha.

I have mercury in pushya myself and although ideas have always come very quickly to me, the process is always very laborious and time consuming. I find it impossible to halfass something and still end up with an even half decent result.

To be honest I’m struggling to maintain the discipline and patience that this demands in order to create content and express my ideas.

My sun and rahu are also in Saturn nakshatras, and my D1 Saturn itself is uncomfortably placed in ashelsha. Not to mention my debilitated D9 Saturn in punarvasu.

My D1 and D9 are both extremely nodal (mostly rahu but ketu is also very present) which seems to amplify this problem as I live mostly in my head, I’m primarily motivated by short term gratification and I struggle to connect with and feel emotionally fulfilled by my own work.

Of course I can only assume that our charts are very different and you may be managing your Saturnian energy far more efficiently than I am, but do you have any advice/experience on how to overcome this?

Having a weak Saturn sucks in general, having it weak when you have Saturn Nakshatras sucks even more.

Sadly I can’t relate on the Saturn issue because my Saturn is strong in Aquarius, decent in D9 in Cap and backed up by a vargottama Cap Venus. Discipline is my middle name, if I want something I’ll do it. I’m the kind of person that makes her bed and does her dishes every day without fail unless I’m extremely ill. The only time in my life when that wasn’t the case were bouts of extreme depression and I was trying to preserve some level even then. So my Saturn Nakshatras have excellent backing and I pretty much just do naturally what you struggle with.

However, I can somehow transfer the feeling you deal with to my Jupiter, which is in Libra, one of the hard placements for it. Spiritual practice and Astrology (which is actually more of a Venusian expression of Spirituality) are one thing, having that Jupiterian optimistic spark is another, and I honestly struggled to pull myself forward because of the trouble it brings me. I can chalk it up to having a very difficult life and an unfriendly environment that almost killed me, and yes, it was true, but people with strong Jupiters tend to get up and go and try even if everything seems to fail. It took me a while to even want to build that up. But it also gave me experience on how to deal with a weaker planet.

Here is where the physical element of Astrology shows up. Our chart is literally a description of our frequency. If our planet is weak, we radiate a weaker frequency in that department. If you want to change the frequency of something you don’t naturally generate, you need external input.

This is where remedies come in handy. Chant mantras (Saturn for you). Wear gemstones. Spend A LOT of time around people that have a strong frequency of a planet you struggle with.

My husband has Jupiter in Sagittarius strongly positioned by house, and despite his other flaws and struggles, he ultimately bounces back and gets up every day to do something he loves. Granted, I support him too so it works mutually, which is what marriage is about, it makes both partners feel more alive even if it’s subtle, but honestly I have learned to draw on his energy in this department. I came into our marriage from years of various kinds of abuse and while I survived it (strong Saturn) it has largely affected my ability to feel any hope for healing. Being around a person who has a drive to do something despite the negativity has acted as a remedy for my own struggling Jupiter energy.

People are like walking gemstones, eventually you will get magnetized by their influence and it will carry you along. You will expand into the energetic pattern. It will not change your struggling planet, nothing can, but it can create a pattern that you can use to boost it for the rest of your life.