#i think its funny but it also provides what i think its a dynamic between oshus and bellum that has a lot of potential

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01 - Adrift? The Island of Adventure! / And So It Begins....

Right off the bat, we can feel the tonal difference between how the two shows want to present themselves. The Japanese version opens with narration provided to us by a grim and stone-faced narrator, while in the English version, Tai delivers the exposition himself in a light-hearted and goofy tone.

The Japanese narrator explains to us in a bit more detail precisely what is happening throughout the world. Drought has struck the paddy fields of southeast Asia, heavy rains are flooding the Middle East, and the U.S. is suffering from freezing temperatures.

Tai has similar dreary info to drop on us. He tries to keep it light because that's the tone the dub is going for, but his version's... a little different. In fact, hilariously, Tai's version is much worse.

The way he tells it, the whole rainforest has dried up and oceans have risen to flood "other areas like chocolate sauce". The freezing also is no longer in the U.S.; It's "cities which are normally blazing hot", not contained to any specific region. Holy shit.

So, yeah. Either way, the world's being fucked sideways right now by climate catastrophe, but it's ironically being fucked harder in the lighter and goofier English dub.

With that out of the way, we met our cast of kids - With the English Tai getting in a funny joke, claiming to be "working on my multiplication tables" while we clearly see him snoozing in a tree.

Each character comes with their own special introduction slide to give us some basic information on them. For the Japanese version, the narrator coldly lists them off by name, while their information blurb tells us what grade they're in.

This gives us a general understanding of how old each kid is, relative to one another, which is kind of important for understanding their group dynamic down the road.

6th Grade: Jou 5th Grade: Taichi, Sora, and Yamato 4th Grade: Koushiro and Mimi 2nd Grade: Takeru

The dub omits that particular information and instead gives us some basic information on what Tai thinks of each character.

Sora: "She's okay, for a girl!" Matt: "Too cool; Just look at that haircut!" Izzy: "He should have gone to computer camp." Mimi: "I'll bet you can guess her favorite color on the first try." T.K.: "Matt's dopey little brother." Joe: "Don't ever scare him; He'd probably wet his pants."

For most of the character names, it's pretty obvious which name connects to which. Izzy's the odd man out, as it's an abbreviation for Koushiro's family name Izumi.

The omission of the characters' ages from the dub is something that I think hurts it; It's not super clear, watching the show in English, that Joe's supposed to be the oldest kid by a year or two, or that Mimi's one of the youngest in the cast. However, this is important context for driving some of the plot points that the show has in store for them.

As the kids are struck by a freak blizzard, neither version really stops to explain this but the kids who will be our protagonists get separated from the rest of the campers. In both versions, we just see a group of counselors ushering kids into tents, and then Taichi opens this door once it stops.

I think the Japanese version was trusting its audience to understand from context where they are. Taichi, Yamato, Sora, Jou, Koushiro, Mimi, and Takeru have all taken shelter from the blizzard inside a nearby Shinto shrine.

This is why, when the aurora suddenly arrives and transports them across worlds, no other campers are taken with them. They're in an isolated location away from the rest of the group.

Jou even has a line expressing that he wants to return to the others, to clarify that these seven children are presently alone.

The English version offers no less information than the Japanese. Well, it offers a little less; That one context-clarifying line from Jou is replaced by Joe saying "I was worried I'd catch a summer cold but this is even worse!"

However, more importantly, we don't have Shinto shrines here. So the context isn't quite as evident to a kid watching on TV in the 90's. I always thought they were just in some kind of cabin at camp.

As the kids stare in awe at the sudden arrival of an aurora that's about to ruin the next several months of their lives, Jou again urges everyone to return to adult supervision pronto. This time Yamato agrees with him, pointing out that they could get sick if they stay out here.

Joe and Matt, on the other hand, have different concerns. In the dub, it's Joe that worries they're all going to get sick if they stay out here. This time, Matt disagrees, insisting that they can't miss a sight like this. That they are all alone in the wilderness with no adult supervision is not a concern for Joe at all, apparently.

Koushiro also points out that auroras aren't supposed to happen in Japan, so this is weird. The dub is trying to localize for an American audience, so Izzy's a bit more descriptive here. He calls this out as the Aurora Borealis specifically but says that's supposed to happen in Alaska. "We're way too far south."

Then the Aurora strikes, delivering their Digivices and whisking the kids away on a magical adventure of violence, terror, and coming to terms with the reality of death. YAAAAAAAAAY

So it begins! Taichi is the first we see meet his Digimon partner. This is Koromon. English Koromon explains that his name means "Brave Little Warrior". This is a bald-faced lie.

Like many Baby and Child stage Digimon, his name is based on an onomatopoeia; Specifically, Koromon is named for the sound of a round object rolling around. "Korokorokorokoro". I think the dub version of the character was embarrassed to admit that. :P

Koushiro's partner Mochimon is next. The subtitle here says Motimon but you can clearly hear Mochimon. His name is based on the sound of a spongey goop extending and retracting. Mochimochimochi.

Once these two are introduced, the dub goes in on trying to deliver information to the audience. This place is called the Digi-World, and Izzy speculates that the Digimon are the Digivices themselves, transformed into physical lifeforms.

None of this is in the original; This is a quiet moment as Taichi takes in the magnitude of their isolating predicament. The only information offered is that this is a place called File Island; the word "File" is said in English.

That they've Isekai'd into another world entirely is not something they know as of yet. At this point in time, the possibility exists that maybe we got washed out to sea somehow but we're still somewhere near Japan.

When Taichi tries to scout out what's around them, our central antagonist for this episode arrives: Kuwagamon, an Adult-stage Digimon named for a particular species of stag beetle: Nokogiri-kuwagata.

The first altercation with Kuwagamon goes terribly, forcing Taichi and Koushiro to take cover inside a special program. As Mochimon explains, they're inside a hologram of a tree which will conceal them from Kuwagamon.

The English Motimon offers the less helpful explanation, "It's a Hiding Tree, silly!" That'll do it. All I need to know, thanks.

Once Kuwagamon's gone, we meet up with Sora and our next Partner Digimon.

Pyocomon, named for the sound of bouncing. Pyocopyocopyoco! The dub cuts off the P and calls her Yokomon.

Immediately followed by Takeru's partner Tokomon, named for the sound of trotting around. Tokotokotokotoko.

And Yamato's partner Tsunomon. This one isn't an onomatopoeia; Rather, "tsuno" is the Japanese word for "horn". He's Hornmon. You can probably guess why.

Following that, we have Pukamon, named for the sound of floating or hovering. "Pukapukapuka", though the dub calls him Bukamon with a hard B sound.

We cut to commercial break and then come back to a completely redundant second introduction. Each Digimon takes turns going around and saying their names, and then Tai introduces each of the human characters and tells us which grade they're in; The same information from those slides earlier.

I think the localizers realized how unnecessary this is because they use this time to waffle instead. Rather than intros, the Digimon just say things like "We're super cute!" "And loyal!" Tai, however, once again misses an opportunity to establish the relative ages of the characters and just reintroduces all of the humans by name.

Wait, but aren't we missing someone? As if on cue, Mimi comes screaming out of the woods with her Partner Digimon at her side.

Tanemon, which translates in English to "Seedmon". However, like Tsunomon, her name remains Tanemon in the dub. Mimi isn't screaming because of Tanemon, however; She's being hunted by Kuwagamon.

I should note that the dub characters are extremely rude about Mimi's absence. Sora calls her "the girl with the funny hat" to which Tai replies, in the most eye-rolling and disdainful voice possible, "Now now, her name is Mimi." You can hear him sneering.

Then Izzy chimes in and, in a weirdly bitter tone, suggest she's "picking flowers" or "going on a nature hike". The fuck crawled up y'all's butts and died? This girl has done nothing.

The dub, however, does get in a fantastic line when Kuwagamon attacks again.

As the kids cower in a clearing from Kuwagamon's renewed assault, Joe cries out, "My mom is going to want a complete and total refund!" XD I love that. It manages to land a joke without killing the tension in the process.

Cornered on the edge of a cliff, the partners are forced to fight Kuwagamon.

It does not go well. Real quick, who do you think wins in a fight: An experienced lumberjack vs. several toddlers?

What a lovely start to an adventure. We have no idea where we are or why, and the strange magical creatures who showed up to protect us have all been beaten within an inch of their life by what, for all intents and purposes at this time, just appears to be Random Encounter wildlife.

We're gonna die out here.

With their backs against the wall, Kuwagamon renews the assault once more and the Baby Digimon are forced to break free from their worried kids and fight once more.

The dub tries really hard to downplay the peril these kids are in right now. For instance, when Taichi asks Koromon why he attacked Kuwagamon so recklessly, Koromon uses what little strength he has to state that he needs to protect Taichi. Dub Koromon just says he wanted to show off and look cool.

Similarly, as Kuwagamon comes tromping out of the woods, Taichi expresses hopeless fear, and Koromon then insists that that Digimon must fight. Dub Tai instead says, "Get ready to run!" only for Koromon to argue that he wants to fight instead. Like. They're standing on the edge of a cliff. There is nowhere to run to. The dub's manufacturing retreat options to make fighting a personal choice rather than a survival necessity.

But now the bonds they've formed with their kids are strong enough for the first in what's going to become a major metaphysic for this series: Evolution.

The dub calls it Digivolution, possibly to distinguish it from evolution in Pokemon which was airing alongside this show, but in Japanese it's just "shinka" meaning evolution. As each Digimon evolves, there's a stock quote format that they express in both versions.

In English, it's "Koromon, digivolve to: Agumon!"

In Japanese, it's "Koromon SHINKAAAAAAAA!!! Agumon!"

I admit, ever since the first time I watched this in subs, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the bloodcurdling battle roar of "SHINKAAAAAAA!!!" every time they evolve in Japanese.

While Kuwagamon gets dogpiled by Child-stage Digimon as the Digimon theme song blazes in the background, let's take a moment to go over each of their new names.

Agumon: "Aguaguagu". The sound of biting. Gabumon: A type of puppet used in Kabuki theater. Piyomon: "Piyopiyopiyopiyo". The sound of tweeting. Tentomon: Tentoumushi, a type of ladybug. Gomamon: Gomafu azarashi, a type of seal. Palmon: A play on "palm", a kind of tree. Patamon: "Patapatapatapata", the sound of flapping wings.

The English version replaces the roaring Digimon theme song with some generic fight music.

With Kuwagamon successfully fended off, the vibe of this scene is pure tension-relieving jubilation. The dub slides in Izzy saying, "They made vaporware out of him," and goddammit, that got me. XD The important thing is that Kuwagamon is gone and everyone is safe forev--

Oh, never mind. Everyone fucks off a cliff and probably dies and that's where we leave off episode 1. This sequence features possibly the funniest "Easing Up on the Peril" edit in this entire episode. As Kuwagamon slams his pincers into the edge of the cliff side to send them hurtling to their doom, the English version splices in random still frames of the kids looking tough to show this is no big deal and they can handle themselves in this mess!

Izzy standing there like "GRRR I'm a big strong American boy and they build us TOUGH over here! Me and mah gun can TAKE gravity!"

Before ending on the exact same shot of everyone falling to their doom anyway.

Either way, this is where the episode leaves off. The kids have been transported to this mysterious location. They have no idea where they are, how they got here, or why. They were terrorized around the forest, and now they're all falling to their doom.

This sets the stage for what this adventure is going to be like. This is not a magical journey of whimsey and effortless victories. These children are in extreme peril and nobody is coming to save them.

Man, File Island sucks. I'm with English Joe. If I was one of these kids' parents, I'd be demanding a refund too. Worst camping trip ever.

[therumpus]

Mini Interview with Jami Attenberg

By Denise S. Robbins

Jami Attenberg’s A Reason to See You Again (Ecco Press, 2024) is funny and quick-moving with a strong emotional core that explores what it really means to be family, through thick and thin. The novel revolves around the complicated family dynamics of a mother and her two daughters as they grow up and live through the cultural and technological changes throughout the 20th century, moving deftly between the thoughts of the characters in surprising ways. It’s wide-ranging, delving into various women’s relationships with work—or the absence of it. 

When she’s not writing books, she manages the highly popular Substack newsletter Craft Talk and its yearly challenge, “one thousand words of summer,” where she motivates thousands of subscribers to write a thousand words a day for ten days straight. 

We spoke over Zoom about her writing process and how this latest book fits in with her life’s work.

***

The Rumpus: A Reason to See You Again is your tenth published book. That’s a lot of books! Is there something you're trying to accomplish that you haven't in your earlier works?

Jami Attenberg: I wanted the book to cover more time. My last few novels were much more compact. Then when I wrote my memoir, I enjoyed how it spanned so many years and so many cities. It gave the story the chance to breathe. So, I wanted to apply that to the novel. I was also interested in having family members be separate from each other as opposed to being intimate and involved in each other’s lives. They were more spread out and spaced out. It’s also possible this desire to span more time and space came as a response to that particular claustrophobic feeling I had in the pandemic.

Rumpus: What seeded the idea behind this novel? 

Attenberg: I actually wrote about this in my newsletter [Craft Talk]. During the pandemic, I was looking at a lot of vintage clothes on Etsy and kept seeing these white puffy shirts. I started thinking about a woman wearing it and being somebody's cool aunt. Generally, characters show me the way into a book. And so, the cool aunt, Shelly Cohen, was the first character for me. I pictured her at a kitchen counter in the suburbs talking to her family, with all of them leading different lives, interested in each other but also always a little annoyed with each other.

Rumpus: Does that dynamic have any resemblance to reality? How much of yourself is in this book and these characters and their relationships?

Attenberg: None of these characters are like anybody that I know, really. But they’re adjacent to people I know. They feel like they live in a neighborhood I’ve lived in before. Or maybe they’re a third cousin. Someone you met once and feels familiar, even if you can’t say exactly who they are. 

Rumpus: How do you find the central core of a story with multiple main characters? What are they all hovering around? 

Attenberg: The way time moves forward in this book is the core, and how the characters are impacted by time. Time is both the structure and the thrust. For example, the way they communicate at the beginning of the book has changed by the end of it, often expressed in terms of technological advancements. And those kinds of changes are ones that can only emerge specifically over the passage of years or decades of time.

Rumpus: So, technology changes relationships in this book. But you could say it just provides your main characters with new ways of ignoring each other. 

Attenberg: There’s one scene near the end of the book where two characters are driving in a car and a third one calls them on a cellphone. And they really don’t want to talk to this person, but there’s no way of ultimately avoiding it: we live in an era where you can track people’s locations all the time. It’s vastly different than earlier in the book, when it’s Nancy’s twenty-first birthday and she desperately wants to talk to her family, and she has to leave her house, walk down to the corner payphone, put money in it to make a long-distance call, and hope that somebody's there and picks up at this specific moment in time. In a way that phone call is so much more meaningful. But their communication still has meaning at the end of the book, when they finally do break through to each other. 

Rumpus: A lot of important life events in this story aren’t actually in the book but are referenced offscreen or obliquely. How did you decide what to put in the story versus what to reference offscreen?

Attenberg: These people are not confrontational until it’s too late. They’re trying to figure out how to exist with a problem without actually dealing with it. So, these things feel far away to the reader because they feel far away to the characters. They don’t like dealing with things head on. But there are still feelings that are very much present. 

These things trigger other issues down the line, though. If you don’t deal with something in the moment, eventually it’s still going to show up. One of my characters doesn’t tell another character something very important, and when the other finds out, she is furious with her. It impacts their relationship forever. By choosing to avoid conflict, she created another conflict in the process. And a lie by omission is still a lie, and that’s certainly a plot point. 

Rumpus: I also wanted to highlight one particular line: “He thought it would be easier to explain themselves to the world if they lived in the same place, when actually they only had to explain themselves to themselves and no one else.” It feels like the heart of this story.

Attenberg: I wouldn’t say that line is the heart of the book, but it’s a touchstone line, one I hope people highlight on their Kindles, ha. The characters in this novel grew up during a certain time and place where they felt like there was a path for them with specific milestones they had to achieve to please the world in a certain kind of way. I think most people understand now that we don’t have to stay on that conventional path, that we don’t have to abide by anyone else’s rules. I think the characters in the book are happiest when they figure that out. Even if it takes a long time. 

Rumpus: On top of writing novels, you also run Craft Talk and the yearly “one thousand words of summer” challenge, with daily letters of encouragement from various authors. Does this community enliven your own novel writing? 

Attenberg: It keeps me on track. And every year there’s a letter from one of the contributing writers that hits the right chord and comes at the right time. That’s the beauty of these letters of writing advice. You never know when you’re going to need it. This year, that letter came from Jennine Capó Crucet. It was about writing from a place where you know you can throw it all away. So that’s what I did. I gave myself permission to just write something I could throw away. Then I loved everything I wrote, and now I’ve written thirty thousand words this summer, the new beginning of the book, and it's great. I definitely feel the accountability. Every year. We're doing it together. It's equalizing.

Rumpus: Even somebody who's written ten books needs that accountability sometimes.

Attenberg: People need it, and it works. It really works. But also, you don't need it. We can write all the time on our own. But during one thousand words of summer, it feels like a friend is there with me. 

Rumpus: So, you’re working on another novel now. How many more novels do you have inside you?

Attenberg: I’m not planning to stop writing. Will my next novels get published? Who knows. Does it matter? Probably not. How many books do I have in me? A million. I’m in my fifties now. I’ve slowed down a bit but know more of what I want and can look back at what I’ve done. And I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. 

[lotus-tower]

My Orochi Stood Up: A Draconic Response to "eat shit and die"

tshirt3000’s seminal essay, “eat shit and die,” illuminates the fact that in any sillyserious discussion of Gintama, there is a recurring tension–or overlap, or slippage, or push-and-pull–between the motif of the anus and the motif of the phallus. Far from being contradictory, however, this dynamic conceptual tug of war has the potential to be not only meaning-generating, but fundamental to a thematic understanding of Gintama. In this essay, I aim to illustrate how applying a certain homebrewed framework of mine can help make sense of these interwoven concepts and provide symbolic structure to their analysis. I’m talking, of course, about the ouroboros–also known as the snake eating its own tail.

As we all know, Gintama is full of phalluses. The sword is basically a matryoshka doll of motifs all on its own (or, to invoke tshirt invoking Barthes, the beginning of a chain of images, or significants). But the same vulgar toilet humour that leads to Gintama being chock full of dick jokes (and balls jokes, which for many reasons can be conflated with dick jokes, a primary one being that the Neo Armstrong Jet Cyclone Armstrong Cannon, practically a mascot of Gintama in its own right, stands strong, beautiful, and trinitas) also leads to plenty of hole jokes. Guys like Sorachi thinks it’s funny when the protagonist gets something stuck in his butt, or when gay sex exists, or when a guy is a sub. But there’s no need to discuss this part in depth–just read tshirt’s essay.

There’s a saying among my friend group: “all there is in Gintama is head and hole.” 

Why do the sages say this? First of all because it’s funny. Second of all because it’s true. You can reduce everything in Gintama to essentially two things. Shouyou and Utsuro. Gintoki and Takasugi. Humans and monsters. Those who swing the sword right and those who swing it wrong. Those who take in and those who are taken in. Those who keep struggling and those who don’t. And then you can also always reduce these two things to one thing: Shouyou/Utsuro are, after all, the same being, even if they’re not; Gintoki; simply people, Gintoki once more; Gintoki yet again; and struggling itself. Because losing is part of struggling too. You can’t pick yourself back up if you never lost in the first place. We know that Gintoki has managed to become “a splendid human” by the end of the series–so what was he before that? Was he really a monster? At what exact point in the series did he become human? Was it while he was on-screen, while we were looking, but without us noticing? Was it off-screen, while we were flipping the page, or in the space between the panels? The answer, of course, is that he was learning to be human every day of his life, and if you were to assign him a static, general status to put on a wiki profile under ‘“species”, it would be: “becoming human.” And so “which one is the head and which one is the hole?” is the wrong question. Even if you assigned one to each half and managed not to be wrong, since they’re collapsible into one anyway, they’ll always be both.

In my ouroboros collage, I used western alchemy to stylize this struggle. This forging of the soul into a precious metal, language used by Gintama itself. Chrysopoeia–the making of gold. Or silver, as it were. But the ouroboros isn’t just a major symbol of alchemy. I chose it because, simply put, it’s the It girl. It does it all. It’s a snake. It’s a dragon. It circles the world. It represents eternity. It’s a loop. And while the ouroboros, alchemically, is a western symbol, the snake eating its tail is not. As I noted in my collage, the ouroboros and the world serpent are images that appear in traditions around the world.

I’m going to state the obvious: yes, the snake eating its own tail is the head and the hole. After all, the snake eating its own is also a symbol of fertility: the snake’s tail is phallic, its mouth yonic. Male and female, yin and yang–these are all things the ouroboros represents, because it ultimately embodies the cosmological interplay of complementary forces necessary to sustain a truly endless cycle. Now, tshirt’s essay could not be more clearly about the anus most specifically. But in this essay? Love is love, hole is hole. Sorry tshirt.

In all sillyseriousness, as tshirt details in their essay, the anus “following hocquenghem, normally stands in for the individuating function which itself gives root to desiring within the social sexual system, and the means by which we might therefore transcend the phallus.” Note the term “individuating function.” In my ouroboros collage, I included the following idea from philosopher Bernard Stiegler about the individuation process: “The I is essentially a process, not a state, and this process is an in-dividuation — it is a process of psychic individuation. It is the tendency to become one, that is, to become indivisible.” Indeed, Carl Jung (yes, that Jung) saw the ouroboros as the ultimate symbol of the “paradox” at the heart of the individuation process. Many of the lines in the second half of my poem are from him. Specifically, they’re from this one key paragraph from his Collected Works, vol. 14:

The alchemists, who in their own way knew more about the nature of the individuation process than we moderns do, expressed this paradox through the symbol of the Ouroboros, the snake that eats its own tail. The Ouroboros has been said to have a meaning of infinity or wholeness. In the age-old image of the Ouroboros lies the thought of devouring oneself and turning oneself into a circulatory process, for it was clear to the more astute alchemists that the prima materia of the art was man himself. The Ouroboros is a dramatic symbol for the integration and assimilation of the opposite, i.e. of the shadow. This 'feedback' process is at the same time a symbol of immortality since it is said of the Ouroboros that he slays himself and brings himself to life, fertilizes himself, and gives birth to himself. He symbolizes the One, who proceeds from the clash of opposites, and he, therefore, constitutes the secret of the prima materia which ... unquestionably stems from man's unconscious.

I believe the relevance of these quotes to Gintama is clear at this point. Because as I said, everything in Gintama is reducible to two opposing forces, which is then reducible to one. The ouroboros fundamentally embodies the paradox of Two, Yet One. And through the style and language of alchemy, it turns this paradox into the preeminent human endeavour, the Great Work of human existence. tshirt’s identification of Gintoki as “a reluctant hole” (very queer I agree) positions him perfectly here as the poor, tragic hero who, despite everything, Is Doing It–who is both recipient and victim of his own wisdom about the undertaking he must choose to embark on. It is a task that will last forever, even after he’s already succeeded. (In Gintama, therefore, to be a reluctant hole can denote both a noun and a verb.) And yet, there can be traced a definite “before” and “after.” In its literal shapes and features, the ouroboros forms an imperfect circle–it is a cyclical figure that necessarily depicts a break in the cycle, where mouth meets tail, where there must be an opening. A gap that must despite the snake’s best efforts exist, because a mouth is not a tail at the end of the day. Something that may seem like an insignificant smudge in the great flow of time, but that was nonetheless enough to shatter Utsuro’s “eternity.” 

Though in some depictions, including the most iconic one, you can see the gap full well. Look. Does it seem like it’s smiling to you?

(We know Shouyou smiled right before he died–do you think that severed head of his still held a smile?)

There are a lot of other things I could say about hole. Like a hole being a sort of lack, something to be filled–a void, perhaps, one that gets artificially filled with all kinds of detritus as part of the process of person-making in Gintama. Or I could say something about the displacement or potential conflation of one kind of hole with another when your protagonist is male, cis, virile (alleged), and obviously straight in a way that makes anal sex jokes funny, and PIV jokes only too racy for Jump. Alas, this isn’t an essay on Gintama hole theory, so while there’s still much to be said about head and hole, I think it’s time we move on to one of the most important elements of the ouroboros thesis: 

The dragon.

Now, the terms ryuumyaku and ryuuketsu were not invented by Gintama. As mentioned in my annotation part one (I now understand why Final Fantasy XV gave out crucial information about its story in disparate chunks spread across multiple mediums instead of behaving normally), the concept of “dragon veins” is part of real life Japanese traditions, and is tied to feng shui. The idea of concentrated life energy, or natural power, flowing through the earth along certain paths, like ley lines, is a rather common one across the world, and thus a basic building block of fantasy worlds. In my poem I highlight the geo-somatic aspect of this, how it conflates Utsuro with the planet that birthed him, effectively turning him into a world snake that walks on two feet. The tendrils of his re-knitting flesh resemble strands of hair, or perhaps the whiskers on a dragon, his blood is a river is Altana is precious oil to be extracted and hoarded by intergalactic powers, his heart is a deep, blood-red stone that denies that his blood was ever liquid, and smoke rises from him when he regenerates as though the fire that Shouyou’s body was thrown into was never truly put out.

What’s notable, though, is the person who delivers the line that draws these comparisons most concretely:

Yes, I’m cannibalizing part 2 of my annotation here. Very sad. But I’ve always said I wished Gintama had more cannibalism. So let’s press on.

Umibouzu is uniquely positioned to make this observation here because he’s the only character to have fought… well, to have come into, shall we say, “fighting range,” with both of the series’ immortals. And as uninteresting as he may be as an individual character, it’s through him that we finally gain access to a straight-on view of Kouka–specifically, Kouka on Rakuyou, before she left her planet to die femininely. 

I won’t rehash too much of what I’ve already said in my collage and annotation. The Orochi on Kouan is a world snake much like the blurry dragon-vein-Utsuro-Shouyou package on Earth: a serpent with innumerable heads, both singular and plural, this time in a more literal way than Utsuro’s multiple selves or the image of a river flowing into countless streams. It’s wrapped all around planet Kouan like… well, a world snake. Or… a world tree. Because as much as it’s clearly a serpent of the Orochi archetype, it’s described in both animalistic and vegetative language (e.g., it has “roots” that spread into the planet’s core, where they soak up the Altana… but the planet is its “nest”). Kouan’s dragon is thus a mutated beast that defies easy categorization, part mythical symbol, part serpent, part plant. Kouan, after all, is no longer capable of supporting normal life, its atmosphere and soil too toxic for anything but mutants. The Orochi, then, is an animated, aberrant substitution for the Lifestream, one whose roots have replaced the planet’s veins, one that can express aggressiveness and loneliness, and whose fleshy corporeality allows Umibouzu to…

…make a bad dick joke. Naturally.

Kouka and the Orochi aren’t conflated the way that Utsuro and the dragon veins are. The Orochi is not her body: being its own creature, it appears much more separate from her than the formless glowing green Sephiroth energy does from Utsuro. But interestingly, they are mistaken for each other through the title of “Master of Kouan,” which the Orochi acts as a decoy for before the story “reveals” that it refers to Kouka. And Sorachi makes clear: the Orochi is lonely. The planet is lonely. Kouka is lonely. The Yato are lonely.

Rabbits can die of loneliness, you know, etc. etc. And as Kagura delivers to us early on in the series, the only way out of this endlessly repeating, and yet endlessly diminishing (sort of like reverse infinite tumblr chocolate) cycle, is to change.

Umibouzu’s dick jokes return us to the self-explanatory phallic-ness of the snake. I don’t think I need to explain the overlap between snakes and dragons, especially in an Asian context. So if Umibouzu is the phallus–the new arrival that introduces change to planet Kouan–then does that make Kouka the hole? Well, yes, but no. Because Kouka is the one associated with the Orochi. Kouka is the immortal, living her life frozen in time until she decides to leave the dragon behind. And in the end, when Umibouzu convinces her to leave with him, he tells her: “You and I are the same. No matter how busy a planet I’m on, no matter how surrounded by people I am. Without you, I’m lonely.” A hole, as we said earlier, is a type of lack. And neither Kouka nor Umibouzu at this point have dirt that can fill that lack–the dirt that, as tshirt put it, “marks the permanence of one’s relationships.” Because only dirt can stick enough, can stain enough to leave an imprint.

Now, in another world where Sorachi isn’t a coward and a boring misogynist, here is where I would be digging into juicy insights into Shouyou|Utsuro’s milfhood, the genderisms of being an Altana immortal, the obvious implications of Umibouzu having been a failed parent unable to deal with Kamui’s situation due to living in the same (shall we say, hole-sided) world as Kamui, which loops back around to Kamui inheriting eldest daughter female hysteria his body isn’t capable of processing a la Oboro, and Kouka’s relationship to the phallus-as-transmissive-samurai-spirit–but given that we sadly don’t live in that better world, there isn’t much I can add to this enumeration that wouldn’t be self-evident.

As an aside, it does have to be said: the nature of the snake swallowing its own tail as a simultaneously self-fellating symbol and an established motif of macrocosmic heterosexual (re)creation of the universe perfectly encapsulates Gintama’s relationship to sexual jokes and the linkages it creates using vulgar wordplay. And it’s also the sort of thing my friend tshirt would love to quote Freud on. Another way of looking at it is that the microcosm of the universe in Gintama is a queer human, who is probably a pervert. Which seems glaringly obvious when you think about it outside of the context of this essay for two seconds. 

Anyway, as Jung said, the ouroboros is not just self-sustaining, but self-fertilizing. Or perhaps self-sustaining is a potentially misleading term, because by nature it cannot remain static. It can only slay itself, and give birth to itself once more. Utsuro was never the same person twice. But what does it mean to be self-fertilizing? It means, above anything else, that in the end people give hope to themselves. That Shouyou put in the work, and that what Shouyou gave birth to was, in essence, the same as himself. 

An endlessly replicating chain of Shounen Determination.

Of course, this goes both ways as well.

Shouka Sonjuku, then, is the embodiment of Shouyou’s self-fertilization–a motif taken up by Gintoki, our illustrious shounen protagonist enacting the genre-typical inspire and change everyone you touch. At the same time–or, you could say, anachronistically–Gintoki is enacting his own self-fertilization, fertilizing his own soul–or tama, or egg–with pieces of everybody that touches him. Because, though the hole is a lack, it is simultaneously where the crux of this self-transformation takes place. As tshirt puts it so succinctly, “the anus—the dirty human things—is the home for the phallus—the ideals we hold, the source of our power.” The scabbard for the sword of one’s soul, so to speak, but that metal for that sword is made up of fragments from many sources–as the Rakuyou arc anime illustrated for us so memorably.

In the Shinsengumi Crisis arc, Kondou (whose status as butt monkey for the crassest of Gintama’s jokes positions him in a unique way for these things) says something similar: nobody is being dyed in another’s colour. It’s hard to even say what colour other people’s souls really are, if everyone’s soul is made up of broken off bits and shards and dead things (positive) from all over the place, like beach sand. What Itto has mistaken as a form of influence over others, as the level of dominance of one’s soul, is really just:

“Because it’s something annoying that you can’t get rid of, in the end it becomes troublesome when you start to care about it.” Or something like that. The translation here is probably at least a little suspect, but you get the gist of it. tshirt’s analysis of gorillahood is potentially interesting and relevant here as well, but I’m afraid I have to move on for the sake of keeping things on track. 

It’s worth noting that even as, from Gintoki’s perspective, Shouyou smiled at him right before he died, from Shouyou’s perspective (and of course, from Takasugi’s)–Gintoki smiled back. 

Incidentally, the chapter two chapters before this one was named “The Two Utsuros.” Later on in this scene, Sakamoto refers to “the two Yoshida Shouyous.” And on this page, we see two Gintokis. Isn’t Gintama fun?

What of Kouka, then? I think her situation is clear. She created literal children of the flesh rather than of the spirit–and there is unfortunately little else to say, because even this is quite obviously a cliche of the dead anime mom. The context of Gintama’s story is enough for us to assume an implication of her having transmitted something to her children, of them carrying on her legacy in some way… but her character is too woefully undeveloped for me to say anything particularly interesting about that. What little I can say is essentially what I depicted in my annotations. When Umibouzu wants to whisk her away from Kouan, Kouka asks him–why did you remind me of these emotions? At the end of Silver Soul, it becomes clear that Utsuro’s professed “void” is not so empty after all–just like Kouka, he had simply been denying that he felt anything that ran contrary to his driving force, i.e. the power of his great resignation (“eat shit and die” terminology intended). For a long time, Kouka was resigned to staying on her planet–on her dragon–as its heads multiplied. In the end, she chooses to leave the planet behind, willingly sundering her eternity, and the planet watches her go. She dies because she became alive–just like Shouyou. It’s also worth noting that, when Kouka initially tries to disappear from Umibouzu, it’s the Orochi that points Umibouzu to her location, blending them into a sort of phallic comrade-in-arms, even as the Orochi is, as I said earlier, attached to Kouka’s existence. So in this ouroboros reading, Umibouzu simply becomes a device for her self-fertilization. Yayyyyy. 

Here we can see the relevance of wordplay and dick jokes to any sillyserious analysis of Gintama. The motif of self-fertilization, in particular, is a rich arena for the conflation of sex and shit that tshirt notes is enabled by Gintama’s beloved [BLEEP]: “connected by dirty things can implicitly stand in for shit, sex, or the penis itself.” In the ouroboros framework, both sex and shit ultimately denote that which gives birth to others and that which gives birth to yourself. Your legacy is made of the same stuff as you, is you, and you are finally brought into being by your legacy, in a process that transcends linear time. The ouroboros is literally connected to itself by its own tail–or head, depending on how you look at it. It’s all one snake, after all. I suppose you could say this is one reading in which Takasugi’s ambiguously alive-yet-dead state at the end of the series makes sense–he was always a shadow that could be folded inside Gintoki’s body. But I don’t like it, so it’s actually very bad.

In any case, the procreation of the universe, yourself, and other people happens interdependently and simultaneously, yet something has to happen first. It’s a chicken-or-egg scenario, an endless cycle that needs an initiating key moment–or, to be Utena-esque for a moment, a shell-cracking moment–for life to exist. If Utsuro’s eternity was an egg, then the moment of Shouyou’s birth as a human, itself undefinable in time, was what cracked it (Utsuro egg cracking moment). Of course, I think all Gintama fans innately understand that the moment of Shouyou’s beheading is the single most pivotal moment in the series. But after speaking of head and hole for so long, I think it’s finally time to address the obvious:

Gintama is about severed heads. A lot of them. (Shoutout to oomf’s severed head collection.)

The importance of beheading as a motif throughout the series interacts in a very interesting way with the ouroboros thesis. Some heads in Gintama need to be cut off. Others resolutely need to stay on. But even for the ones that need to be severed, it needs to be done right–or watch out. Or, as I once said:

“gintama is like. sometimes people die when they are killed. but this is not guaranteed. and sometimes people survive because they are killed. among the cast are people who need to die and people who need to survive. choose wisely” (me, 2022)

Within the stylized aesthetic framework of the ouroboros, this is where the metaphor of the hydra becomes useful. Cut off one head, and two more will sprout in its place. If you don’t swing the executioner’s blade right, the monster will remain a monster–or grow even more monstrous. Even worse, you will have failed to possess a human’s heart while swinging that blade–so what does that make you? Failing at being human in relation to the sword, then, puts you in danger of falling into the neurotic failure state described by Freud described by Hocquenghem described by tshirt. 

Gintoki didn’t fail, though. He just wasn’t able to succeed yet, without the rest of his story having unfolded yet. And so, within that paradoxical instant, the very heart of the ouroboros, Shouyou was saved and Utsuro was born. There is a persistent, and I would argue intentional, analytical ambiguity to this moment unless you allow for the paradox within it, represented by the moment of duplication where Sorachi likens Gintoki to Utsuro and presents both as the “one” wielding the sword. If Gintoki killed Shouyou with a human’s blade, then why was Utsuro born? If Utsuro killed Shouyou with a monster’s sword, then how did Shouyou’s humanity crystallize? If Gintoki became human throughout the course of Gintama, then how did he possess a human’s sword ten years ago? If he didn’t have a human’s sword and do the right thing back then–how could he have been the bottomless mirror standing unbreakable and infinitely reflective in front of Takasugi, Hijikata, Kamui, Nobume, and so many others?

Diegetically, of course, the answer is that Gintoki simply did the best he could, lost everything, and then picked himself back up and un-lost everything. Shouyou, too, just lost to Utsuro, because he was a human, and humans lose all the time, no matter how wise and gnc they might be. But he came back; or he survived; or the world survived without him–it doesn’t matter. Of course, I don’t believe Gintama is a series where you can really separate the “diegetic” from anything else (if you tried to explain anything that happened in it that way, the result would be not only very dull but hardly accurate). In a blend of shounen inspirational metaphor and absurdity, the series’ main themes are simply delivered through the mouths of various characters, without care for either subtlety or compromise. This is, after all, the series where our protagonist was given strength to keep going through a little girl telling him, don’t worry, mister, when I grow up I’ll become a splendid executioner and cut your head off for you! You could say that Gintama is full of a sort of “head anxiety” that only Gintoki is aware of. Oh man, I cut my teacher’s head off. Oh man, what if I did it wrong, that was so scary. What about my head, is my head weird? I bet it’s weird. Is it coming off? Is it stuck on too tight? Is this normal? Is my head too small for my body? Man, I can’t show people this. When is it coming off? Asaemon’s words also link the promise of death with the promise of life, or redemption–he must live so that he might die, and it’s only through death that he can truly live. Very ouroboros-esque. 

One thing I’d like to point out here is that Gintoki was imprisoned after Shouyou’s death. He hears Yaemon’s crucial, This Is A Surprise Tool That Will Help Us Later speech about beheading only after he’s already gone and beheaded someone. This is both straightforward foreshadowing and also unintentionally funny. But what I’m going to argue here is this: the fact that the Reaper Arc comes before Shogun Assassination for us makes it true enough for Gintoki as well. Because the moment Gintoki sliced Shouyou’s head off was the moment Shouyou’s humanity was affirmed, and thus the moment Utsuro’s “eternity” could be confirmed to have shattered. At the same time, it’s the moment of Utsuro’s birth into the world. In other words, it’s where the ouroboros ends and where it begins–a moment isolated in time and space, located, if anywhere, in the time of monsters. And this is mimicked by the Gintama narrative itself, as Shogun Assassination marks the end of the structure the entire series existed in prior. A two-year timeskip would never have been possible previously, as the series’ time circled on in endless loops, one anniversary after another, one Christmas season after another, without the characters ever aging, even as they grew wiser. The moment of Gintoki’s tragedy, finally fished out from within Takasugi’s eye, shattered Gintama’s “eternity,” too. 

I’ve already gone and used the hydra, so I’m going to be exceptionally silly here and invoke another piece of ancient Greek mythology, as a homage to hole and to Gintama’s dedication to bad puns: Uranus. According to Hesiod’s account of Aphrodite’s birth, when Uranus’ balls were cut off by his son, the goddess emerged from the white foam that flowed into the sea. You might be asking, am I really going to compare ball removal to decapitation? (This is a rhetorical question. No true Gintama fan would question this.) As I hinted at earlier, Gintama itself already provides the grounds for this kind of comparison through its ideological commitment to balls. It is, after all, Gintama. Phallic or yonic is largely irrelevant here, as this isn’t really about castration (sorry tshirt). Instead I want to emphasize the “head” in this case being the symbolic object imbued with transmissive and procreative power. This interpretation is, in the spirit of Gintama itself, built on playful punning between tama (ball) and atama (head). In the series, Shouyou and Gintoki are the characters who embody the relationship between microcosm and macrocosm most substantially–with Utsuro’s geo-somatic embodiment of Earth juxtaposed with his dominion over the forces of space, while of course also being the premier “dragon” of the series; and Gintoki enfolding the entire story within himself, both the silly and the sad. And so when Gintoki cut off Shouyou’s head, it was the birth of a universe, the “seed” spilling out from that severed neck and setting in motion the story we know and love. 

(Incidentally, the magic sci-fi spark that gives Tama, who ended her introductory arc as a severed head in Otose’s snackhouse, the ability to be human is called “the Seed.” Did you know that Fuyou means lotus?)

(I just thought that was interesting.)

Incidentally, while Japanese mythology sadly doesn’t feature any testicular cosmology, it does offer a rather interesting tidbit. According to the Kojiki, Izanagi and Izanami were tasked by the other deities to create land together using the heavenly spear Amenonuhoko. This is described thus:

Granting to them a heavenly jewelled spear, they [thus] deigned to charge them. So the two Deities, standing upon the Floating Bridge of Heaven, pushed down the jewelled spear and stirred with it, whereupon, when they had stiffed the brine till it went curdle-curdle, and drew [the spear] up, the brine that dripped down from the end of the spear was piled up and became an island. This is the Island of Onogoro.

…I think this account speaks for itself. The island of Onogoro became the first piece of Japan (and thus the world), formed out of briny white water, reminiscent of the white foam that Aphrodite sprang out of. Izanagi and Izanami then erected a pillar on the island and built a palace around it, then moved in and started making children. There’s more I could say about Izanagi and Izanami in relation to the ouroboros, but I think that would be too much of a digression. In any case, it takes little effort to imagine why multiple peoples long ago might have looked at sea brine and seen in it an intuitive symbol for creation and genesis–especially a people for whom the sea was a literal source of life. But what I’d really like to draw your attention to is the translator’s footnote on the translation of “jewelled spear”: 

The characters translated “jewelled spear” are [], whose proper Chinese signification would be quite different. But the first of the two almost certainly stands phonetically for [] or [],—the syllable nu, which is its sound, having apparently been an ancient word for "jewel" or "head," the better-known Japanese term being tama. (Unfortunately, the characters can't be displayed.)

And there you have it. Is a “spear” really that different from a sword when you think about it, especially when it’s a spear carrying that kind of symbolism? Or, as tshirt put it, “the pole and the hole.” And I’d like to remind you that Utsuro’s body is likened to the land of Japan itself through the very-much-Japanese concept of ryuumyaku, not just my own artistic derangements. His blood is the life-bringing sea, his flesh the earth of the archipelago. When he fell back into the mouth of the earth at the end of Silver Soul, he was falling back into his own mouth, the serpent devouring itself once again. 

Unfortunately for Utsuro, within the confines of this essay the mouth is akin to the asshole. Hole is hole: this I did solemnly swear to you at the start of this essay, and I intend to uphold my vow. Utsuro, then, falls back into Hole, and the earth spits him back out–hydra head clumsily cut off, having sprouted into two once more. You could compare, perhaps, Shouyou only re-emerging after having been thrown back into the dragon vein and shaken around a bit to Gintoki’s soul’s own instinct to fly towards buttholes when knocked out of its proper container. In the bodyswap arc, Gintoki gets hit by a truck and sadly survives, though his soul is shaken loose and part of it breaks off (no wonder, when it’s made up of so many little bits), and ends up entering the asshole of a dead cat. Gintoki is essentially a dead-eyed catboy, so this is an easy mistake to make. Additionally, in one of the most memorable gags of  the final arc, Gintoki gets swallowed by Sadaharu and pooped back out, but missing two-thirds of his body that, again, accidentally came apart from him while he was in there. They need to be recombined in Sadaharu’s guts, which through his connection to Altana as an inugami constitutes a makeshift dragon hole, until Gintoki finally exits hale and whole from his dog’s asshole.

What did he mean by this?

Well, first of all, it seems like you have to be gentle with Gintoki, despite appearances. He’s made up of so many bits and pieces and people that parts of himself will break off without him even noticing. Second, these gags link the idea of plurality to dirt to the anus as the site of the reconstitution of the self. Or, as Jung said, the “integration and assimilation of the opposite, i.e. of the shadow.” Gintoki’s shadow can be represented by Takasugi. Or it can be represented by a naked, hyper-muscular Hello Kitty monster made up of his memories of war and his gambling addiction. They’re both missing an eye and have PTSD, so close enough. What’s fun is that in the Sadaharu gag, the punchline, “Gin San,” is about Gintoki’s name–the “Gin-san” identity he must take on once more to be able to face Shinpachi and Kagura. The joke faintly echoes the tonally very different scene on Rakuyou, where Gintoki told Kamui that Kagura and the others filled his emptiness, giving him the new name of “Gin-chan.” Asaemon, of course, also echoes parts of this, as her primary narrative role is to not-so-subtly provide guidance for the reader to understand and resolve Gintoki’s thematic journey, a parallel made more digestible through her distance from Gintoki as a feminine, vulnerable, indecisive character whose past is totally illuminated to us. At the end of her arc, she kills herself, and gives birth to her new self, like any healthy Gintama character.

Indeed, Gintama’s moral is to “fight yourself,” so naturally all the characters who haven’t given up yet are constantly in the process of devouring themselves. But this is a different process than emptying yourself, which is what the antagonists are doing. All Gintama villains are hole-sided, desperately trying to destroy themselves while pretending, as hard as they can, that they don’t know that you can’t destroy a hole–only make it bigger. I emptied myself on purpose, Kamui insists. I did it intentionally and edgily, so it’s different and your criticism is void. He truly is an 18 year-old boy. Kamui and Takasugi were unable to accept themselves as the ultimate fruit of Kouka and Shouyou’s transformations–their magnum opus. It’s interesting that in their very last snapshots, both of them are bodily changed, taking on younger forms invoking a sense of renewal; Takasugi literally being pooped out of a dragon hole as an ugly infant. While I don’t subscribe to Altana immortal Takasugi theory, in a literal sense Shouyou died and Takasugi was reborn–or, to be more precise, Shouyou returned to the macrocosm, to the lands and grasses and waters of the dragon’s earthly body, and Takasugi re-emerged in his micro (short joke) place. After all, the ouroboros always gives birth to itself, and Takasugi was never expelled. He has always been a part of Shouyou. As Sakamoto said, it’s only natural. 

As for Kamui… I originally had a section here discussing his case, centered on his tag-team battle with Kagura against the Eldest, that one-off Silver Soul villain who is first presented to us almost like a strange, low-budget imitation of Utsuro. 

However, as much as this guy does end up being a living dick and balls joke, I’ve decided to reserve this material for a future essay where I can delve into the question of blood more fully. So consider this a teaser. This essay has gone on long enough, I think.

So what can we conclude from it? As tshirt observes, Sorachi cannot resist the phallus (or the balls), even beyond the obvious “sword” metaphor. Viewed from the lens of the ouroboros framework, however, Gintama’s insistence on wordplay enables interesting meaning to be derived from these dirty jokes and their interaction with other motifs in the story. After all, the name of the series itself elevates the spirit of the balls joke, even if unintentionally, to the same level as the other metaphor in the title: “silver.” In “eat shit and die,” tshirt notes the important role that conflation plays in both Gintama’s humour and meaning-making, a role we’ve seen repeatedly in this essay with the purposeful blurring of person and dragon and planet, and its deliberate use of paralleled “other selves.” 

But perhaps the singularly most important example is the -tama in Gintama, with its plethora of potential meanings, each of them just silly and dirty enough that you have to take it seriously. Beyond the obvious joke on kintama (balls) and the “silver soul” meaning (which the series could not be more explicit about), we’ve seen that tama is also easily conflated with atama (head), and even with tamago (egg). This is clearly demonstrated with the series’ fixation on beheading leading to the salvation of the soul and the bodyswap arc hinging on the pun between soul and egg, which English translators very impressively retained using “egg” and “ego.” The fact that the characters end up turning into giant turds, likening the soul-egg-balls to an asshole, only drives the point in further. In this essay, I took things one step further in mapping these different motifs onto the phallic and yonic/anal (the holeic, if you will). After all, the tension between the phallic and the anal is fundamental to the ouroboros’ symbolism. It is this tension, and this complementarity, that leads to both destruction and creation, death and renewal. One of the reasons I chose the ouroboros as my stylization of choice is that Gintama perfectly encapsulates that central concept of death as rebirth–while throwing in the seemingly contradictory case of the main villain, who is very much Rebirth, But Bad. The ouroboros, then, supplies the symbolic technology to convert the inherent contradictions and sometimes difficult to navigate ambiguities of Gintama’s thematic structure into a more legible, metaphorically potent form.

As I noted in the beginning of this essay, every character in Gintama is ultimately both head and hole, both the beginning and end of the serpent, as the two belong to a single entity. If the head demands the cold bite of the executioner’s sword, the void inside of people also needs to be filled with the essence of others before they can be properly human. You can’t behead yourself–you need someone else to swing the blade. And yet that person is also, in some way, you. The one restoring you to humanity is yourself, the one slaying you is yourself, the one you give birth to is ultimately yourself.

The serpent eating its own tail’s self-fertilization schema is the key tying together the draconic motif of the ouroboros with the tangle of messy metaphors, tautological themes, and fraught relationships that make up Gintama. Naturally, the throughline running through it all is dirt–of the dirty joke variety, but also dirt as that which clings to others, dirt that fills, dirt that stains, dirt that, in short, remains. If the phallic is what inseminates and transmits (as the sword that releases and crystallizes, as the heavenly spear that leads to genesis), in other words tama as “balls,” then the anal is the scabbard for the sword, the vessel that receives and holds on to the seed that is dirt, the cradle where our soul is fertilized–in other words tama as “egg.” Tama as “soul,” then, is simply the combination of these things, the result of this self-fertilization: it is ourselves. When all is said and done, this is reducible to a rather simple message that Gintama has always had: you cannot make yourself alone, but that is hardly a problem or an excuse, because you are never as alone as you think you are.

Let us end on the question of Gintoki’s wooden sword, or as tshirt put it so insightfully, his “prosthetic phallus.” In the end, in Gintama all souls are artificially–yet organically–created through the process of chrysopoeia. tshirt’s argument that Gintoki’s wooden sword is made all the more transgressive for not being a “real” sword highlights the fact that even in the most surface-level reading, Gintoki’s wooden sword is more sword-like exactly because it invokes the idea of one without the technical reality. The “human’s sword” that Gintoki attains at the end of the series is airy and abstract, but more than readily understood by the reader because that is the kind of sword he’s been wielding all along.

As I noted before, even if Gintoki has become human, his task has not ended. The Great Work will continue forever, even after it’s already been accomplished. If the human is the microcosmos and the stuff inside them is, as Jung says, the prima materia, the formless base element of the universe, then it is not only the fruit but also the process itself that creates the world. And though this essay has not been about queer theory, let it be said that the profundity with which Gintama treats the act of self-transformation, along with the nuances and textures of Gintoki as a “reluctant hole,” make him a captivating protagonist on more levels than one. And of that desperate struggle to produce a human being, of the base substance inside of people that is their only natural material, let me quote the 17th century Theatricum Chemicum, on the subject of the prima materia:

They have compared the "prima materia" to everything, to male and female, to the hermaphroditic monster, to heaven and earth, to body and spirit, chaos, microcosm, and the confused mass; it contains in itself all colors and potentially all metals; there is nothing more wonderful in the world, for it begets itself, conceives itself, and gives birth to itself.

Emphasis mine.

Appendix A:

[dustteller]

I just finished watching all the available episodes of The Apothecary Diaries, and I have to say that it surprised me!

The premise of an apothecary working for the emperor's consorts and solving medical mysteries is already a gun one, but the execution really elevated the concept past entertaining romcom to genuinely fantastic storytelling. It's not revolutionary, but it's certainly deeply endearing, and I really enjoyed how it found a balance between lighthearted comedy and acknowledging the awful aspects of sex work and being a woman/lower class in a world where neither are valued. It doesn't explore the darker side in detail, at least not so far, but it still does a fantastic job in making the horrible parts feel like a real part of the setting while still making the choice to focus on the women's joy even when faced with hard situations. I guess I just appreciate these things being openly discussed without immediately having it be a psychological story about dealing with trauma?

The characters are also soo good, and while most lack depth (its been nine episodes, so for a cast this big, that can be excused), usually their schtick is strong enough that it can easily carry their appearances. You also get the sense that while a lot of these characters do fill out comedic roles/archetypes, there's a lot more going on beneath the surface. Their schtick is fun, but its not all they have, its just there to help the audience familiarize themselves and bond with the charcaters while their entire personality is unearthed. The entire cast is genuinely absolutely delightful and reasonable and feel incredibly real while also being really funny.

The romance portion is also really really fantastic. Both Maomao and Jinshi are hilarious little freaks, and their dynamic is so fun to watch. Maomao is such a good take on the cold, blunt, genius character, who is socially challenged but very far from frigid. She's practical and logical while also keeping a very strong emotional core founded in empathy and genuine care for the people around her. Her obsession with poison is also pulling triple duty, as it 1) serves to break her cold facade and provides comic relief in the form of an ongoing gag, 2) gives the reader a strong understanding of her guiding motives/desires, and 3)gives her role as a medical investigator narrative justification. Of course she'd know what was used to poison someone, that's her whole thing! Jinshi himself is a counterpart to Maomao's colder tendencies, being very clingy and emotional. This show is not afraid of making him a pathetic little obsessed man, and it's all the better for him. Unlike other possesive and obsessed male leads, Jinshi manages to mostly stay away from the creep factor by being so uttely pathetic and cringe that he never really comes across as an actual threat. Couple that with him actually being very respectful of Maomao, only engaging in light flirting, and how he never actually wants to change her (most rapey MLs try to break the FL out of their feisty charcater or demean her for it while showing her how they're more powerful), and Jinshi makes for a very good love interest that also feels like a very safe comfortable person, which I feel matches the tone of the show very well. He's also as much of a freak as Maomao ("she wants to crush me like a bug <3333🥰🥰🥰), so they're very well matched there, too. He's such a petty loser, and that makes him a stronger character.

The story seems to be ramping up, and while I don't think it'll ever lose the lighthearted tone, I'm excited about how it already seems to promise a more in-depth exploration of the world it's set up the scaffolding for. For what it's worth, I also think the show has done a very good job at making the world feel expansive and mysterious, while also balancing that wholesomeness, which for a show centered around sex workers is quite the feat.

Anyways, long story short, I think the nine episodes that are out so far are really great, and the story thrives through how utterly endering it is. I am charmed by the world and the characters and what the plot has promised us, and while I don't expect it to revolutionize anime or whatever, it's still a masterclass in narrative shorthand and the act of balancing its heavy themes, especially when it comes to the characters themselves. There's so many of them that are so fun and memorable that I didn't mention, but who absolutely deserve their own posts, and that's only nine episoded into a comedy show, which I think goes to show how strong of a start this series has. Overall, I'd rate the show so far an 8/10, and I'm really excited to see what will come from the next 15 episodes.

[kosmicdream]

answered some OTP questions from some post i found for Knife/Spoon, altho specifically Knife/Scissor.. more of a little writing exercise i guess

How did they meet?

Knife hunted him down for his space crimes. It was kind of an unusual target because Knife usually doesn’t go back to DMTIA, but Simon kicked up enough fuss to draw attention across the solar system, as well as claiming to be a McGold. Obviously, once they met Knife made arrangements to get Simon hired by thumb instead of imprisoned. 

How long have these two characters known each other?

Honestly its changed a couple times bc i’m bad at math, but im pretty sure its around 80 years. 

What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

Simon was excited to meet Knife and wanted to make a big impression because of his fame but was initially really disappointed with Knife and kind of threw a tantrum. Because he was already throwing one because Nail ruined his plans by fighting Knife first. Not having things go exactly his way with the encounter made him spiral and impulsively do things. He complained the entire flight back to the stars and Knife had to keep him restrained because he kept trying to fight or like crash the ship into an asteroid. Knife thought Simon was the kind of weird funny freak that would work well at Thumb and be a good asset to the team, plus he was so pathetic he kind of felt bad for him and squishing the worm friend he had. 

Their impressions now are kind of ?????.. How would i even summarize it.. Umm.. In a strange way I think Knife idolizes the aspect of Simon’s personality that seems unaffected by guilt, without really understanding that Simon is affected by guilt and is constantly propelled by his own panic. He just avoids accountability and has a facade he upholds. I would say Simon is still very good at adapting to unusual situations on the fly, despite how extreme they are, but his upbringing caused him to be accustomed to overstimulation. The reason why Knife idolizes this false perception of how Simon copes with his guilt is because I think he wants to be able to be a bit more like Simon and reach some kind of moral clarity, even if its not an appropriate or even “good” one. In some ways, i think he wants Simon to fix what’s wrong with him somehow. I would say this isn’t the attitude Knife had in the entire course of their relationship, at first he wanted to maintain a really different dynamic between them and ruled it with an iron grip - before things got too complicated. But at this stage in the story, Knife’s very emotionally lost and is using Simon as an anchor and thus putting him in a bit of a pedestal. He is actually physically sick though and does need help there, which Simon probably is the only person who can provide that care. 

Simon’s opinion of Knife is that he’s generally very frustrated with him because of how stubborn he is, which has always been difficult to obey the RULES because Knife’s rules have been contradictory. At this point he’s kind of on edge, because um. Knife came back to life suddenly, is also sick and also apparently is more malleable in his plans than ever before.. Which up until this point, has never really been his thing. It makes him a bit suspicious but he is curious what else has changed. He also is straight up terrified about it but he has to deal because this is possibly his last chance with making things right between them. 

How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Knife isn’t gonna say anything fdkhfg Simon would just complain and insult Knife if asked. But that’s all fake you know he would go on rants about how perfect Knife is and the reason he’s still alive. 

Do they get along? Why or why not?

Do they????? The boys have a lot of relationship problems RN that have stacked up for decades but i’m still inclined to say yes. They at least are able to work as a team on the fly if the situation is tense enough (like anal prolapse.) 

Do they have any shared interests/hobbies? Do they ever do these hobbies together?

Murdering.. I guess.. JK they do dance as a couple which both enjoy. They also enjoy racing videogames but Simon almost always wins. 

How often do they see each other? Where do they usually meet?

I mean they used to live together, so they saw eachother every day. Even when they were living separately while Fork was growing up, They’d visit frequently or see eachother at work. It was usually Knife going to Simon’s place in the middle of the night though. 

How do they communicate with each other? Are there any recurring phrases or gestures unique to their relationship?

I feel like this is a complicated one to answer but I’d say that Knife allows and even gets pleasure from Simon hurting him, which he doesn’t really enjoy pleasure without that context. Alternatively, Simon doesn’t enjoy tenderness unless its from Knife. Even if he has a positive relationship with Cash, if she gets too into feelings it gives him the ick. So that’s usually only saved for serious moments, which usually have the mood deflated by a joke or something to balance out things from being too genuine. But with Knife he can be really tender and genuine without hating the experience. 

What is one quality they have in common?

Desperation?

What is one major difference between them?

Simon loves Knife but Knife does not love Knife, which causes a lot of problems. Knife Loves Simon but Simon doesn’t really know himself, so he thinks whatever Knife loves is whatever he is doing so he wants to keep doing that right so Knife loves him. 

Does one act as a narrative foil to the other? How so?

Oh probably. But if you ask me I’m not exactly sure what it is yet since there are so many foils and narratives in ffak lol

Do they have any affection for each other? How do they show it?

Knife climbs into Simon’s skin and Simon goes “squee!.” Also Simon does boring mundane life stuff with Knife to help him have that “normal life fantasy” that he craves so much. 

Do they have any disdain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

Oh sure they do. Knife feels betrayal for the cheating, but Simon feels betrayal for Fork replacing him and you know Knife faking his own death. Knife shows it by avoiding all his loved ones for years i guess. Simon doubles down on bad behavior to upset Knife worse but that only makes everyone more miserable.

Do they share the same goals in life?

They used to have the same killing everyone goal yeah, but not anymore. At least for Simon, he’s got new ones.

Do they trust each other? Why or why not?

IDK .. they both navigate “trust” in a really toxic codependent twisted way, but at least in their minds they “completely” trust eachother - but that also kind of includes the aspects of the other they trust is very unpredictable and unclear. Instead of open communication, they’ve kind of accepted it as an aspect of the other person rather than trying to change it or properly address it. I’d say at this point, Simon does not trust Knife as much as he used to, by a severe amount. Knife at the moment is putting too much trust in Simon, without realizing that he might be mislead or lied to about things, because he feels he’s the one who has wronged more in the relationship at this point. (even with Simon’s cheating.) 

Is one of them keeping secrets from the other? Why? How would they react if the secret was revealed?

Well, I’m not gonna say how they’d react! But both of them are keeping secrets from eachother, although Knife is very willing to lay it all out on the table finally. He isn’t really giving Simon enough breathing room to process it all. 

Are they keeping a secret together? How do they feel about that?

They were keeping their relationship a secret from Fork. Which Simon hated doing, but was serious about keeping it for Knife. 

Do they view their relationship as temporary or permanent?

Both view it pretty permanent. I think that’s something that’s been maintained even before they dated and the roles were more mentor/student. Simon fixated into the “devoted follower” role faster than he realized. 

Are they satisfied with their relationship? Do they wish they were closer/more distant?

They were very satisfied, now its a mess and has been that way for decades. Both wanted to make it back to what it was but Simon sees that as impossible, so he wants to make it into something better - at least hoping that growth will be the best answer to their problems than trying to recreate their old dynamic. The hardest part will be actually letting go from that, which is easier said than done and Simon already can tell he’s going to struggle keeping that goal in mind. 

What is their best memory together?

Hard to say, cause its not really specific. More like “walking around somewhere with him” is probably what they both think of the most. 

What is their worst memory together?

The big “kicking you out” breakup. Or Knife discovering Simon’s sexual relationship with Cash LOL. That was an ugly fight. Simon’s worst is uh, I guess Knife dying and fixating on their last encounter, which he thought was their last one. 

When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

Hard to say, they’ve certainly been vulnerable plenty of times. 

Do they have any mutual friends? Mutual enemies?

Knife doesnt have any friends LMAOOOOOO yeah they probably got 1 billion mutual enemies. Nail/Mop is probably one which comes to mind the quickest.

How do these two interact with each other in public versus in private?

Well in public they’re kind of vaguely distant with obvious tension, in private its very mushy gushy romance. 

If a stranger saw them together, how would they describe their relationship?

I dunno, they’d probably assume Knife hated all the affectionate attention Simon gives him. He’s just a tsundere. 

How would these characters react to being stuck in a small room with each other?

They’d be surprisingly okay for a while. Although i think Knife would start to have a traumatic panic attack and hurt Simon idk.

How far would they go for each other? Would they risk their own lives for each other?

TOO far. Of course they’d risk their own lives!!!!! this is anime!

[vacantgodling]

❤️❤️❤️

LEGGOOOOOO (fyi i am randomizing what wips i am gonna have a ramble about)

(1) cage universe

KSKSKS i've kinda taken a mini break from planning schism but that's just kinda bc my irl life exploded and i've been tryna get over a lot of the bs that's going on, but where i left off with planning everything was just the entire chapter 2 which tldr (spoilers ig) cass and han are in paris and cass wakes up early to get them some breakfast. he ends up getting accosted at the food stand (cuz its in a lone-ish alley) by some talon goons and is gonna end up being taken to chateau guillard however he doesn't know that. what he also doesn't know is that when he's shoved into the van that the person sitting across from him with a bag on his head is actually jack, he got captured on purpose bc he's insane. and i really need to write bittersweet btw. idc about jack most of the time but jack and vincent provide me with a certain kind of brainrot that him and reapsies cannot replicate for me. i just kinda want the two of them (jack and gabe) to like fist fight each other but not even in a sexy way just like try and kill each other or smthn lol. its really funny to me that i don't ship them bc for all intents and purposes they have a dynamic that i normally love, but tbh i think its just the fact that i havent' imprinted on either of them like a baby deer so idc.

lmao.

(2) purple haze

i'm actually in a weird place regarding purple haze. calvin and jake are the oldest ocs that i have and still "use" but idk if i feel the same burning need to write purple haze like i did when i was 20. but i think it's bc a lot of the pain that i was feeling i channeled into it when i was younger and now that i'm getting older and more removed from the sitautions that made me feel that way in the first place, i just don't feel the same burning itch to write it. this isn't to say that i'm getting rid of the story or cal and jake or anything like that; maybe i'll write it for myself one day? but for now i just like thinking of all the characters and their relationships whenever they do happen to cross my mind. i'm glad they're happier.

(3) supernatural dads

I CAN'T DECIDE WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH KASPIAN TBH it drives me nuts. like i don't want him and his third baby mama to get together (i don't think? like they just seem like friends to me, though i could explore it ig? they have good chemistry its just not what i thought was gonna happen and i still don't think it will tbh). and i keep waffling back and forth between if i want him to have any type of p h y s i c a l relationship with either hue or jihan (cuz make it messy why not) and etc. i keep thinking on it and gnawig on it. but i want him to be happy too!! i just dk what that looks like for him and it could be because he doesn't know what that looks like for himself.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

glorious masquerade: final thoughts

I’ve received several asks requesting that I share my opinions on certain aspects of the event, so I’ve compiled and condensed all my major thoughts into one post! ^^

***Spoilers below the cut!!***

I think the setting of Fantasy Paris the City of Flowers is a really interesting one that provides a ton of unique locations and cool lore! From their stalls to Noble Bell Academy campus and its bell tower, to the local specialties and legends, and its jolly people… It’s such a charming place!

It was fun to see the dynamics of each group and learn miscellaneous facts about them through their banter. This is something that TWST has pretty much always excelled at doing, so I can’t say I’m surprised.

The touring the city highlights for me mainly revolve around Sebek being fucking ridiculous 😂 Insisting he isn’t hungry, trying to impress Malleus by answering a history question correctly, chasing the goat around, the coffee mix-up, trying to sit in Azul’s lap, constantly sobbing and shouting like a kid despite trying to be an adult… chsvsidnksne god, it’s so funny OTL

I wasn’t expecting more lore about Trein and his wife, but it was a really welcome surprise. You can tell just how much Trein cherishes the dates and the other memories he had with his beloved in the City of Flowers… ashbldbiyasdbiald AND THE NRC BOYS KIND OF TEASE HIM AND ASK HIM ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP 

Something else I really liked but wasn’t expecting was actual adult involvement in the story, even if it is pretty minimal. (It’s still a lot more than Crowley intervening.) Like, Trein actively tries to guide his students and he cries when he thinks they’re acting unbecoming. He genuinely cares for them and wants them to become upstanding gentlemen.

I was 100% anticipating RSA cameos ever since the event was pitched to us as a gathering of students from various magic schools. It was a treat to see Chenya and Neige show up and actually do something meaningful; their sacrifices really highlight the difference in values between RSA and NRC–and it shows just how much they cherish their friends, something the NRC boys have yet to fully embrace themselves.

I adored the plot twist of Rollo’s true motives and the contrast between the facade he puts up and how maniacal he is behind that cold mask. Rollo in general is just a really fascinating character to me.

NOT TREIN HAVING HIP PROBLEMS, NOT LILIA HAVING HIP PROBLEMS SDHABSIDASLIDASBIDAS

I’m not super bothered by Yuu not being involved in the main conflict; they did their part by helping the townspeople. Even if they are magicless (and thus unaffected by the crimson flowers), it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’d be helpful in combat or anything (being magicless does not ward the flowers off, it just means they don’t attack a person/they can touch a person without bringing them harm); Yuu would just be another body to protect as they ascend the bell tower.

The cutaway gag to Jack and Ace on NRC campus wondering what the symposium attendees are up to was AMAZINGLY TIMED. Ace saying he wished he was with them right now before the game goes back to Deuce having a not-so-fun time with the crimson flowers… That’s peak comedy right there.

I mentioned this before already, but this event showcases how resourceful the NRC boys can be, specifically in the use of their unique magic. They’re limited in what magic they can use to begin with since the crimson flowers suck it from them and become stronger as a result, so they’re forced into corners where they need to come up with creative solutions. For example, Epel uses the coffin conjured by Sleep Kiss to protect Riddle from making contact with the flowers. Ruggie and Jamil use their respective unique magic to get NBC mob students to do the fighting for them. Azul uses It’s a Deal to borrow Deuce’s Bet the Limit/Double Down in preparation for the battle he anticipates with Rollo at the top of the bell tower. It’s so masterfully done!

I also enjoyed seeing Sebek and Silver fight together. Despite how often they are at odds with each other with their personalities and general demeanors, they are perfectly coordinated in combat and their grueling childhood training comes in clutch here.

GARGOYLE-KUN 😭 I’M SO GLAD HE AND HIS FRIENDS CAME BACK

The NBC students and Gargoyle-kun are useful side characters that help paint a nuanced image of Rollo to us long before learning the truth of his dark machinations. They see him as such a good and reliable person, and cannot fathom that he would stoop so low, which makes the tragedy all the more bittersweet.

THE SSR CHARACTERS FOR THIS EVENT WERE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT. Every character gets their time in the spotlight, but I really liked that the SSRs actually played significant roles in the story (unlike in a lot of previous events, especially the ones involving an extensive cast of characters). Malleus actually leads the trio as their powerhouse, Azul strategizes, and Idia is there to emotionally shame Rollo/foreshadow the twist with his little brother. They actually earned their standing as the event SSRs, and their strong ties to the event story makes me feel more compelled to actually roll for them.

AZUL AND DEUCE’S UNIQUE MAGIC INCANTATIONS AAAAAAAAH

I’m not a fan of Malleus at all (and I’m still not; he continues to be my least favorite character by far), but he’s significantly more interesting in this event than in his other appearances. Most of this is due to the fact that he’s actually allowed to be in an active leadership position rather than sit around waiting for others to act on him or to him (as is the case for a lot of the main story).

I don’t like the moments where Malleus lashes out in anger, but I did appreciate the parts where he was a gracious and strong leader. He thanks his peers for volunteering to be decoys, he praises Sebek and Silver for their vigilance, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get to Rollo and stop him. Malleus realizes the threat that Rollo’s plot poses to his country (which is predominantly fairies, beings of magic), and he’s finally behaving like a true king to the Briar Valley, doing all in his power to save his people. This is admittedly very admirable of him (well, if I focus on the duty he has to his people rather than the petty personal grudge he has with Rollo).

I really want to see more complex aspects of Malleus’s character like this rather than the emphasis on his woe-is-me loneliness that so often occurs within the fandom and in the main story; however, this really isn’t different from what my opinion of him was prior to Glorious Masquerade. I have always known that I was dissatisfied with his general portrayal and that I wanted something more substantial to him. It’s just that the game is now finally getting around to providing the kind of Malleus content I was hoping for, but it doesn’t necessarily endear him to me or make me like him. This is just him meeting my bare minimum 😂

Malleus fanboying over meeting Gargoyle-kun though, that was 👌 Gargoyle is best boy.

ROLLO UNIQUE MAGIC????????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?? HELLOW???!?!?!?!?!?

Man. Rollo’s actions are so atrocious and unjustified but you also end up feeling so bad for him when you learn about his full backstory 😭 This is the kind of content I live for, characters and stories that make me think deeply about what drives them and why they act in the ways that they do.

Yo, Idia laying the verbal smackdown on Rollo????? Shaming him to hell and back????? AND DARN IT, Idia’s speech made me remember episode 6 and I started crying all over again OTL

THE GARGOYLE GIVING AZUL MALLEUS AND IDIA NICKNAMES AaAhHhHHHHHH AnD OFFERING TO LISTEN TO ROLLO’S WOES 🥺

THE NBC MOB STUDENTS BEING SO SWEET AND WORRIED ABOUT ROLLO????? ADMIRING HIM SO MUCH??????? GOD THEY’RE SO PURE AND INNOCENT THEY LOOK UP TO THEIR PREZ 

Rollo’s punishment is so ironic, but I think it’s perfect for his character. Living with the weight of his sins is worse than death itself for Rollo, someone who heavily internalizes guilt.

Aaaaaah, I love that Rook is super proud of Epel and how much he has grown up… asbhldilbasdbas and how he talks about telling Vil about it when they get back?? Pomefiore family for the win…

SILVER AND SEBEK TOSSING PEOPLE INTO THE AIR TO PRAISE THEM ASDKHABSILDLABISDBIASBD THAT WAS SUPER CUTE, AND I LIKE THAT IDIA SUFFERED FOR IT

The two rhythmic sections were cute! (GRIM SPINNING LIVES ON IN MY HEART FOREVER) Malleus, Idia, and Azul providing a song with lyrics in the second one caught me off-guard but it was super enjoyable and the vibes reminded me of a grand and somber opera.

Idia suffering is my bread and butter of his appearances cbjsvsjshwksns The way he just hides behind a pillar while his classmates praise him and he complains all the way up to the performance, trying to stave it off or to avoid it entirely… Relatable.

ROLLO AND MALLEUS SHARE A DANCE TOGETHER AT THE END????? I like how this is how they “reconcile”, it’s so awkward. LIKE. Malleus asks Rollo to dance with him, Rollo tells him to fuck off find another partner, and then Malleus guilts him into accepting by saying “Oh, are you really going to refuse an invitation from an HONORED guest?” AND THEN ROLLO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY DEMANDING MALLEUS’S HAND??? Hey, baby steps I guess 😂 (One of my friends was screaming about how the ending felt very “enemies to lovers” to them, but I was just excited for the prospect of Rollo’s return in the future!)

It’s interesting the way Malleus talked about being fearful of Rollo almost like it was a positive experience 😂 I guess that’s a novel feeling for the oh-so-great-and-powerful Malleus Draconia so anyone willing to approach him (regardless of their reasons for doing so) excites him. And that weirdly gives him a playful “rival” dynamic with Rollo, who still pretty much hates his guts cldbskxbjsmdkzh

… As expected, Yuu learned nothing in the City of Flowers which would help them find a way home 😂 I knew Crowley was full of bullshit.

I’m surprised that I like most, if not all, of the Groovies??? Usually I find event card Groovies to be kind of unappealing (*stares at Groom Ace*); I think the last one I was SUPER crazy for was actually Groom Idia… but the Maskquerade Groovies had a ton of atmosphere, nice lighting, fluttering fabric, and the boys just looking like they’re enjoying themselves. I do find it kind of odd that the background looks so empty for a dance (you’d think there’d be more people), but I can forgive that as the artists probably wanted to avoid clutter. The SSR Groovies were especially a treat; the lighting there is so heavenly and the detailing on each individual student is astonishing.

Overall, I really loved this event! I might even call it my favorite one so far!! ✨ I definitely appreciated its more serious vibes and how dark the story got. It was balanced pretty well with the light-hearted moments and worldbuilding, and a lot of characters had their time to shine. I’m hoping that we get more events with similar vibes to Glorious Masquerade in the coming future!!

[laraismissing]

I love your world building for creeps so much ( especially your OCS) I kinda wonder what the dynamics are between Lorraine,robin and Juliet since I assume they live together, do they all just awkwardly eat dinner together 😭 and any Tony headcanons, I just see him being edited to good luck babe constantly 💀

aaa tysm!! it always feels nice when someone compliments my ocs 🥺

So actually, funny enough, they don’t live together anymore.

Im still trying to figure out if Id like robin to live in a shelter, or live with will and jack. idk, shes still kinda in development within the world building wise?? that sounded so stupid but its 2am and im tired so i ain’t fixing it.

however, lorraine lives in a house in the slums. with her grandfather, brother, and five children.

Xander(10), Hunter+Silas(9), Salem(7), and Juliet(4).

they have a very chaotic family. think of white trash but just in a weird cultish kind of way-?? idk, lorraine is absolutely ridiculous and i love her. she adores her children and they are very much provided for and taken care of.

Gerald (lorraine’s grandfather) works as an underground doctor, and shares a building with forenzik. landlord couldn’t decide on who to lease it to, so they share the rent. each side belongs to one of them.

lawrence (lorraine’s younger brother) works with his grandfather, side by side.

and then lorraine’s .. well, a dancer, stripper, hunter, collector, other stuff. this woman does so much work it’s ridiculous. very chaotic family.

also honestly, i haven’t really added anything for tony. however, his parents are both beezlebub and mammon. he’s their son. that’s like.. the only new thing about him 😭. idk what else to say about him as of now.

[territorialufo]

i give in can you tell me about that little iphone binch

YESS YES I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE LITTLE IPHONE BINCH !!!!!!!!! this is literally just rambling im so sorry. There's a lot of text blocks in the beginning but the end has more pics and silly stuff 

Also ii spoilers but its hard to talk abt mephone without getting into the recent stuff so whatever 

Under cut cause this got. Really long. whoops

Context/background of II/mephone 

“Inanimate Insanity” (ii) is a web animation originally released in 2011, considered the second “major” object show after BFDI. btw an object show is a genre of web series that features anthropomorphized inanimate objects competing for some kind of prize. I am NOT the right person to ask about object shows cause the only one ive ever been invested in to this extent is ii and theres SOO many other ones out there LMAO. Ok sorry i sounded like a bot for a second there JUST PROVIDING CONTEXT!! Inanimate Insanity’s structure is kind of interesting because it starts out as a silly comedy in s1 and most of s2 before descending into a really drama heavy storyline, with tension caused both by mephone’s past haunting him and conflict between the contestants themselves. Then suddenly s2 goes on a four year hiatus and animationepic (main youtube channel) launches s3 with new characters and artstyle, seemingly completely ditching the plot they had in s2??? IM NOT GONNA GET TOO INTO ALL THAT but it all works out timeline wise so its chill the tone switch was just rly funny at the time 😭😭😭 

ANYWAYYYY mephone. Mephone4. Mister phone. Four. The one and only four. MeFon! MePhone4 (parodying the IPhone4) is the de facto host of the in-universe reality show “Inanimate Insanity”!! As the host, he has speaking lines in nearly every episode which is super awesome and epic for mephone4 enjoyers (me). His initial vibe was inspired by Chris McClean from TDI, and was even voiced by Christian Potenza in the first episode before being switched to Mark Katz, who is the father of the creator of II, Adam Katz, which is also pretty cool i think. Since Mark Katz is a grown ass dude, mephone just has. The same voice for like the entire series SHDHF everyone else’s voices are changing and stuff as the creators got older but mephone just sounds like a middle aged man for all of it 😭I love it tho this isn’t a criticism!!! As the years go by it gets more and more expressive :) s1 is. rough. considering it was made by a bunch of kids, its very much a product of its time lol

Lore/character 

Ok lore time cause the thing w mephone is most of his backstory was kind of just hinted at (or implied with the existence of Apple irl). Like in s1 there was the introduction of mephone4s and 5, but otherwise, not much (as far as I can remember. I watched s1 when i was a kid so its been a while lmao). Then there was s2e8 where the contestants go to headquarters and we meet steve cobs (yes, like steve jobs), who’s his creator and dad?? Again some hints are dropped but nothing concrete about their relationship. And then BOOM. SEASON 2 EPISODE 13. “Mine Your Own Business” was my fave II ep for sooo long (idk what my fave is now tbh) cause THE MEPHONE LORE DROP??????? IT WAS CRAZY and also the ending of the episode with fan’s monologue and the soundtrack “shell of a fan” is my fave in the show ANYWAY ANYWAY so begins the remembering of the Horrors. 

He was “born” in Meeple Headquarters, and PLEASE KNOW THAT HE WAS BORN AN ADULT OH MY GOD there are some clowns who think hes literally 14 years old bc thats how old the iphone4 is USE YOUR BRAIN USE YOUR BRAIN AAAAA right so he basically knows nothing about the world, confined to headquarters until his eventual escape. Cobs and mephone have a pretty interesting dynamic, where cobs has most of the power. The way Cobs praises mephone but later shoots him down is so AUHGHGHGH. It’s an oppressive environment he's living in, only expected to do assigned tasks and shamed for any genuine interests, while having the pressure to impress his creator on his shoulders at the threat of being discarded. Mephone grows to hate and fear cobs, but at the same time, cobs is the only person whos known him since the beginning.

The way literally every problem mephone has can be traced back to his origin/how he was raised is so crazy. Like even before the s2e16 twist, it was extremely prevalent??? There are a bunch of analysis posts that explain it way better than I could but MANNNN for a show that the crew started when they were literally 13, they were able to tie things together pretty well, i think! 

It’s been pretty obvious since s2e13 that hosting Inanimate Insanity is just one big escapist fantasy for mephone, one where he is free to do as he pleases while ignoring all the trauma he sustained in “childhood”. Cause it’s implied he escaped Meeple, deleted his bad memories, and then started s1 right after. I mean, it makes sense, since outside of the cold, mechanical nature of Meeple, the only warmth he got was from his enjoyment of reality tv shows. If s1 is an amnesia mephone, and s2 is a spiraling mephone, then I’d describe s3 as “escapism but worse” mephone. It doesn’t ever get as gloomy as s2, but s3 has steady background reminders of “hey guys remember mephone is running away from all his problems right now!!” until it all comes to head in the finale. Some ppl dislike how mephone-centric the show’s gotten, but honestly idgaf more for me

I do want to say that he is very flawed, though. Esp near the beginning, he is really fucking rude and does not respect his contestants at all and frequently belittles them and puts them in mortal danger. he tends to view them and everything that happens to them through the lens of “its just part of the show!!!!”. He tends to brush off everyone’s problems, no matter how serious, even when he’s the one that caused them.

His reality show host personality is all a very big facade to cover up how he feels about the past (thus further submerging him in the fantasy of Inanimate Insanity). Like previous users have mentioned, this is likely due to the fact that he had no one to learn HOW to be empathetic/kind from besides reality television (which is known to be exaggerated for drama) and cobs (who is his abuser) But I famously do enjoy characters who are kind of dickheads, the confidence being a mask is like a tasty bonus to me.

The dichotomy between his arrogant host exterior and paranoid/anxious interior is really interesting and fun to watch. Compared to his relatively sweet/naive beginning personality, it’s wild to see just how much he’s changed since then because of everything that’s happened.  His relationships with the rest of the characters is also interesting, cause despite being their host, he isn’t very close with a lot of them. Other than maybe Bot, who I believe he feels kinship with since they're both robots who freed themselves from the expectations of others. Same with Mepad, since they’re both from Meeple. 

He’s a robot, but in an emotional/psychological sense, is basically a normal person/object (person is synonymous with object in this case). He feels like a person despite being an AI. which makes cobs a lot worse imo, he mistreats all his creations, but at least the other newer mephones are barely “feeling” at all, unlike 4.

Basically, 

Cobs: i have engineered a machine that is functionally a person

Everyone: you fucked up a perfectly good phone is what you did. Look at him. He’s got ptsd. 

Not to get too into ii16/17, but they basically recontextualized the entire series and made what we initially thought about mephone’s escapist tendencies and origins a million times worse. Bro was so tormented he subconsciously made his OCs come to life 😭😭😭all while projecting all his issues onto them??? Psychologically sound individual activities. Additionally, the way he was created is also. Terrible. Cobs basically invaded an alien planet, kidnapped an alien kid, and then presumably used its energy to create mephone4. Outer space colonization? In MY object show? yes!

Ok now im just gonna talk about random stuff i like about him  

His powers are so cool.,.,,. Esp as a foil to cobs/mephonex, who could represent destruction, he represents creation with his generation ability. Also something abt using his powers for non violent reasons when his creation was built upon violence uhh idk. And I think the screen turning green and the sound effect is very satisfying dlsjkfg. Oh and the fact that he canonically had to practice to get better at it? In the flashbacks he’s shown having trouble generating even a simple tree, and now he can make pretty much anything with minimal effort. 

Also MeLife, which allows him to bring contestants back from the dead, is an ability unique to him, which is super cool!!

He can create portals as well and this is never explained. He can just suddenly do it KDLJFGH this kind of renders Mepad’s teleportation ability useless but it's still fun. 

I like when he uses his face as an actual screen :)

Something something robot related stuff

He is not waterproof and will malfunction or even die when wet

His speaking function can be disabled by other people

Glitches while talking sometimes!! Delightful 

Something that gets overlooked often I think is the s1 finale, where mephone4S (mephone4's brother) basically killed himself to save mephone4 by downgrading his own OS. Technically, mephone isn’t even in his original body anymore, he’s inhabiting his brother’s. Fun!

this is unrelated but he got shot in the face with a gun once. there havent been any guns since unfortunately

Get yoinked idiot 

In conclusion, 

I heart him and im sad ii is gonna be ending soon thx for reading

[theinyshlobster]

project hail mary by andy weir [review]

read from august 20th - august 23rd

review:

beware - (slight) spoilers ahead

i did not expect to like this that much?? i did not expect this book to go how it went either!!!!! now i’m just gonna say up front - the only reason this isn’t a 5-star is because there was a LOTTTTT of space jargon. the book tries its best to explain it so i at least had some idea but…. i’m sorry by the end i was lost with how much jargon there was. not only was there insane science technical terms but made up concepts???? my brain short circuited it couldn’t keep up. even if i had no idea wtf was going on usually i could excuse that, but i will say when there were paragraphs of jargon by the end i just started skimming because i knew i would just be wasting my own time and hating every second of it. sue me. other than that? this book was PERFECTION. i get why this guy had his book made into an award winning movie. ngl this needs to be made into one too. idk how they’d make rocky but honestly i don’t care! grace was so funny and quippy. he did lose a bit of this by the middle, but tbh at that point based on the personality established i had grown to love him without his funny bone rearing its head every sentence so i wasn’t mad. i loved his flashbacks appearing in progression, especially his dynamic with stratter. now - i gotta spotlight my boy rocky. ROCKY!!!!!!! i started crying over him because i actually just loved him so much. i won’t lie i did have to google illustrations of what the actual fuck he looked like cuz i actually could not imagine it at all. yes i am an avid fantasy & sci-fi reader with slight aphantasia and what? but after i got over that slight hump (i’m so serious i googled a drawing of him literally when his physical description was given so… this didn’t take long) i ADORED rocky. he’s my homeboy. i actually started panicking because i thought rocky sabotaged the ship at the end. i was FREAKING OUT!!!! thankfully he didn’t or i would’ve been PISSED. he was so quirky and made up for grace’s lack of funny one liners later. the world building here also needs a great pat on the back. i mean i imagine the brain behind a blockbuster space movie would be great at world building…. and i would be correct in thinking that. everything down to the hypothetical(?) aliens & planets & situations felt so realistic that i actually forgot this book wasn’t sci-fi and was real. like if i went to space i would see a rocky. i saw on the news tokyo had 100mm of rain in an hour and my brain went “oh yeah that makes sense based on what the prediction surrounding astrophage’s effect on earth” and i had to pause. and realise. oh wait that’s not even real. it’s just raining a lot because of global warming and…. idk rain. not an alien parasite(?). even tho i had no actual idea what was happening on the logistical/technical side of things, from the dumbed down versions of events provided, it felt entirely realistic!!!!! i was so locked in reading this. can u tell seeing i read this in like 3 days as well. the relationship between rocky & grace ate so bad. god and the ending too?????? ugh impeccable. no notes. chefs kiss. i had such a fun time reading this. anyways omw to add the martian to my letterboxd watch list 🫡

[yellowocaballero]

What are your tips on writing things that are both comedic and hard-hitting? Your style reminds me of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams in that sense, and I was wondering if you had any specific ways of hitting that balance of wit and feeling

No pressure to answer btw :)

Hello! My good friend @lazuliquetzal made an excellent post on this, so check it out! I can't phrase it better than she did.

To say something additional: a part of it is not an actual tip and it is the fact that I am just like this. It is just the way I talk. I'm an extremely obnoxious person IRL whose dialogue is half jokes.

This is something I've talked about several times before but I can't find the posts on my Tumblr. But there is a difference between a comedy and jokes. A comedy is in the structure of a story - how it's paced, the sequence and type of action, the character dynamics, and the internal logic of the story. In a comedy you either have a more straightforward style or you figure out how to make the narration itself funny and phrase things in a funny way. A joke is a joke. I use jokes in dramatic stories to cut melodrama and give a palate cleanser, to provide rapport between two characters, to humanize and personalize the setting, and because life is inherently just a little funny. We laugh every day. Things don't feel realistic to me if people never do little funny things or crack dumb little jokes. But similarly, comedies don't feel real either if there's no pathos or genuine depth to the characters - if the characters don't feel like people we know, or if we can't identify them in real life.

The best tips are the one LazuliQuetzal gave tbh. There is a time and a place for humor, and if it's badly placed then it can be super awkward. Balancing wit and feeling is just a matter of figuring out the right pacing, story beats, and uhhh that 'up/down' feeling in a story outline? A comedy is a specific type of story, and learning how to write a comedy is just as much of a skill as learning how to write a drama. Pterry used comedy as social commentary and Adams followed an artistic style of absurdism that has its own social commentary in an extremely British and 1980s way. I think, if your characters in comedies are designed as actual people with coherent internal logic and depth and not just joke machines, then the pathos comes. The jokes come too.

Not a great answer :(. I get this Q a lot and it's always so hard to give a good answer. It's partly just your own natural sense. It's partly skill-building and learning how to write a comedy. It's partly having your finger on the pulse of pacing and story beats, which is an intuitive understanding which is only gained with experience. The drama is in the natural character pathos, not justifying the comedy. Also, I'm biased, but I don't think comedy needs to be in a story for a reason and you don't have to wax philosophical on Tumblr.edu about why comedy in fiction saves the universe. Fiction is entertainment and jokes entertain effectively. That's really it.

[kursed-arcana]

Psycho Pass Providence Review

I saw it in theaters and it was even better then I imagined.

Turning Akane into a tragic heroine may have been the best choice for her character after all. Her self sacrifice elevated her character to another level in my eyes.

I have not yet watched season 3 or first Inspector due to patiently waiting for the dub, but knew akane's fate and how it resolves. I went into this movie hoping it would explain how Akane was imprisoned and fearing she would take the fall for Shindo based on the context the film provided, instead I was pleasantly surprised to see our heroine take her fate into her own hands and make a difficult choice. Her self sacrifice was flawless and I was nearly in tears when she broke down. There is even a fantastic parallel between her choice here and Kougami's at the end of one. They both leave each other letters and both call the other an idiot for their decision. I left the theater fully satisfied.

I really appreciate how Kougami and Akane are always on eachothers minds and how their past interactions motivate their present actions even when they're apart. I think they'd make an excellent couple and Kougami being such a stubborn baby and not apologizing to Akane and being shocked when she hung up on him was too funny. I feel like them understanding eachother so well is both a strength and a weakness. It could very well be what keeps a a clear canon paring for them from happening. But I feel like this ending for Akane opens a lot of doors for them going forward. In the eyes of sybil, they're now two of a kind. The power imbalance barrier from their different statuses is now gone! And from what I hear about season 3 and first Inspector, I believe we'll be able to get more content of the two of them working together again in the near future.

On to the rest of the movie and cast.

I can't help but enjoy Mika. I think her character arc in 2 was actually really interesting and a nice contrast to Akane. And seeing her devastation at Akane's actions after she had just tried to save her, really spoke to me. I feel like she's still very much that broken girl from season 1 and Akane's loss probably opened up those wounds again. Her character has a lot more potential than most fans acknowledge.

Gino also has a prominent supporting role in this movie. Whether interacting with Kougami, Akane and Frederica he really shines. He is clearly happy to be with Kougami again, but let's his pride get in the way. But at the end of the day, they are both incredibly loyal to Akane. While Gino protects her as a shield, Kougami fights for her like a sword. It offers a unique dynamic. They essentially have Akane on a pedestal, as does sybil itself, which makes her very public and on purpose fall from grace all the more interesting. What will these two men do now that Akane has made herself a martyr for the justice her ideals strive to protect? I think we all have an idea of where the story goes from here whether we've watched the next material in the timeline already or not.

Finally its worth noting that essentially the entire supporting cast gets a few moments to shine, whether from season 1 or 2, and of course some characters from 3. The cast from 3 may not be the focus this time but they are still present in the background and I believe this movie answers some questions about their pasts.

In closing some stray thoughts.

- I can't help but ship Frederica and Gino now. They had great chemistry and a moment of theirs mirrors and earlier Koihami x Akane ship baiting moment in the movie. Keep yours open for it!

-we lost a good man this go around. His death generally shocked me. Keeping it vague so I don't lessen the impact!

- the music for this movie is A+ however, there is no after credit scene if you dont want to listen to the ending

[waywardsalt]

bellum is such an interesting villain and while there are little things you can pick up abt him there’s barely anything extra about him and thats one hell of a double-edged sword lol. its basically up to us to piece everything together and decide bellum’s role in general but also nintendo really dumped this squid out on our doorsteps with no extra info asides from what exposition oshus gives (and the fact that oshus is the sole source of information on bellum is something i am absolutely taking advantage of when figuring out bellum’s past and origins n shit)

and yeah, i havent played in a hot minute but bellum does come off as very clumsy in game, ive always read it as putting more stock into just brute force rather than finesse (i’m not going to call it a brawns over brains kinda thing bc i mean. bellum is constantly a step ahead with having oshus and the spirits trapped at the start, essentially faking his death, utilizing the ghost ship the way he does, and everything he pulls off in relation to the final boss basically being a setup for cornering link and everyone else involved in trying to kill him. i think bellum is less of a sort of mindless monster kind of villain, and has a lot more going on beneath the surface so that’s fun to play with and think about)

and that brutal clumsiness does show up in bellumbeck like you said, almost none of his attacks are precise, he’s just trying to turn link into a green-and-red smear on the ground. but then there’s also the stuff with bellumbeck also having some more complicated (for lack of a better word/phrase) movements and quick reaction times, which provides interesting suggestions about bellum and linebeck (less so the latter since its hard to know for certain what any of that actually has to do with him asides from being the one made to do it)

generally looking at what bellum does and how he moves and what he seems capable of provides a lot of interesting ideas and concepts and its a bit more complicated than you would assume of a villain with. no fucking supplemental info given

does anyone want to talk about phantom hourglass. or linebeck stuff. id gladly talk with someone about ph. or other stuff

[proxyma]

"Bring back young justice so we can get back wally"

"bring back young justice so we can see the jason arc conclude"

well i, for one, wants to know where ra's al ghul's arc is heading. Like hes so funny to me.

He got betrayed and attacked one time on screen and decide "you know what this whole supervillain/demons head/leader of the league of assassins thing just isnt worth it"

And then he just gave up?? like hes not the leader of the loa anymore, hes not a member of the light anymore and the last time we saw him he provided therapy sessions for three people who clearly need it

Also like his dynamic to jason like in the comics hes like "GET JASON TODD OUT OF MY SIGHT HES A MENACE TO SOCIETY AND I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM" and here hes like "Jason its time for your 5 pm therapy session come sit we have to get your memory back"

Like my guy in the comics is a constant threat to batman and co, meanwhile his yj counterpart is just like chilling on his island with his daughter and two grandsons, providing therapy sessions. Like heh???

Like do i believe hes fully reformed? maybe, i mean, dick said" ras al ghul doesnt lie" that doesnt mean he cant keep secrets

Do i believe its all a ploy and he or talia are secretly still in charge of lao? i mean, wouldnt be the first time this happened

Do i believe they are gonna manipulate jason and make him believe bruce replaced him and such? honestly, idky but i dont, like i know surprise thats basically what they did in comics but i just dont believe it? like i believe this jasons anger is gonna be solely his not because someone manipulated him into thinking bruce doesnt care about him

Like between arkham knight and under the red hood, we have had two jasons who were powered by two different goals. Arkham knight, he wanted revenge cause Bruce abandoned him/didnt look for him. UtRH, he wanted to know why joker was still alive. So clearly while we still have the motive of why he was replaced, i think the writers are gonna write a different goal which is gonna be more closely related to his death (like otherwise why keep it a mystery all these years) . Like who knows maybe Jason was angry at Bruce before he even died. Or maybe since the show is more focused on the younger heroes it will be Dick or Tim hes mad at (more likely dick than tim)

[owlhead650]

hello noctor. you’re a very lovely amazing person. make sure to take time to relax even with uni going on. drink water, have a snack. much love from all the meteors

Thank you very much Meteors. I do love drinking water and I send much love in return. I like being your friend it's fun. Anyway it's been a year since I created my first oc, Asopo. He's the way in which I involved myself in the pokemon rebornverse oc culture. He's a large part of the means I used that led to me meeting you so this definitely matters to me. I do feel great attachment to this character I made. Here's a short story where I explore the dynamic between him and Melia and Erin from Pokemon Rejuvenation. This short story is about 3036 words long.

Also here's an epic versus sprite of Asopo created by aloepias on the Overseers discord server. Also @pokefangamebrainrot made an adorable portrait of him. Look.

I do love his expression in this. I find Mud Splash cute and funny too.

Pokemon Rejuvenation - Asopo's Letter

Asopo stared at the holographic file. It was filled with information about spells and how to make them. He and Melia needed to make one. They weren’t proud of it, so they had to keep their visits to zeight a secret. Even though basically all their friends already knew they were doing ‘something’ each night. Zeight was very quiet, he thought it was too much sometimes. Other times he thought it was perfect, it was peaceful. 

He looked away from the file and into the starlight abyss. Zeight had its own sky which seemed to be in perpetual cloudless night, yet if he fell off the platforms he’d land in this sparkly purple liquid. Maybe he should try swimming in it sometime. Or would that even be possible? Everything about Zeight was non-physical, mental instead. Maybe the water wasn’t even real. It provided only a nice aesthetic, as well as clarity about which way was down. Where was Melia?

It had been a little while since he last looked at her. He checked and she was just staring at a different file nearby. She’d been so quiet. As quiet as himself.

“Melia.” Melia flinched before turning around. He spoke very softly but seemingly any noise was surprising after hours of silence. Had it been hours? Time in zeight is weird. How did it feel for Melia to be here three months?

“Oh, hey Asopo. Is something wrong?” In general? Many things are.

“I want to talk to you about something important.” He realised that the statement might have sounded a bit intimidating.

“...Of course, you can tell me about anything.” Melia was kind. Sometimes she made Asopo feel warm, a lot of the time she made him worried and scared for her. Things just kept happening to her. “Can we sit down for this?” He looked at a bench he asked Mom Nancy to place which overlooked Zeight's expansive horizon. Melia went to it and sat down.

Asopo sat with her. He didn’t say anything right away. Even though he had promised this was about something, Melia waited. He was content to watch the waves with her. Even if no words were said, looking with someone else made the view feel even better. 

Waves.

Stars.

Light.

Darkness.

Warmth.

Company.

Peace.

“...Melia.” He said. “Asopo.” She said.

“Melia, I need to admit something embarrassing.” He knew she’d understand, he knew that she’d be as kind and patient when it came to this as anyone could be. It was still hard to say, even in somewhere as private as Zeight.

“Only if you’re comfortable. I’ll listen if you want.” Melia promised. She was beginning to get very curious though. There’s something exciting and cathartic about being confided in.

“What would you think if…” He trailed off. He wasn’t able to say anything else for a minute. 

“It’s alright. You aren’t forced to say anything you don’t want to.”

But he DID want to. He needed to. Asopo decided to approach the topic in a different way.

“How does it feel to love someone in the way that makes you want to date them?” His cheeks burned, but at least he said it.

“H-huh???” This was the last question Melia expected. “I… what makes you ask that??”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know why you asked?”

“No, I do know why I asked. I just don’t know the answer.” Being misunderstood was one part of talking that stressed him out.

“Well, I suppose you know it when you feel it? When I… when I realised I had feelings for Venam, I guess I just knew what the feelings meant? I suppose it can’t be taken for granted that you’d know. Lots of things about romance and dating and socialising in general aren’t taught to us. It’s just assumed that we’ll figure it out ourselves. Asopo… do you have a crush or something?” Melia felt like giggling, there was something about these sensitive topics that felt amusing and exciting in a weird way.

“Don’t call it that! This is about someone I love very much, but I don’t understand it. I don’t know what to make of my own feelings.” The word ‘crush’ definitely distressed him. It came with all sorts of expectations he didn’t like. Why was everyone limited to words that can be misunderstood? Why can’t Asopo just show people what’s in his heart?

“...Oh no, I’m really sorry Asopo. I really am, I shouldn’t of said that.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “I wasn’t making fun of you I promise. I would never, ever, mock you for anything.”

“It’s fine.” He looked at her for the first time since this conversation began. “I’m feeling something for Erin that feels really similar to friendship, but what I want from it is different. I love her just like I love you and Ren and Venam and Aelita and Amber… But I want to touch her more. I’ve noticed I want to hug her even more than my other friends or pokemon. I see her hand and sometimes I want to hold onto it. When I do touch it, like when we pick something up at the same time or I pass something to her, or just anytime that’s incidental or practical, I really enjoy it. I want to hold it even longer…” Asopo trailed off again. This last part was the most embarrassing, but he wanted to get it off his chest. He felt Melia giving his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. Her hand was sort of hanging off him. 

“Melia… I like how Erin smells.” He looked at her but turned away again after just a moment of eye contact. It was a lot to admit.

“It’s okay Asopo. There’s nothing wrong with feeling that.”

“But it’s confusing. I’m not in love with her, it feels too similar to friendship to be anything romantic. Romance feels intense, doesn’t it?” This was the hardest part. The biggest reason why Asopo kept it to himself for so long is because he doesn’t know how to describe it accurately, and the last thing he wants is for Erin to misunderstand it.

“Yeah, it’s really exciting when your feelings get reciprocated. But it’s intense too. Sometimes it’s too much, actually.” Melia thought about the time she had with Venam. But she was going through a lot of hardships. She couldn’t be a good partner to her while dealing with all that.

“I’m going to write a letter. Then I’m going to hand it to her and stand in front of her while she reads it. Do you think she’d like that?”

“Well if what you feel is hard to explain then taking the time to write it down in a way that makes sense to you could help. I think it would be important to say it to her too though. Saying it is hard, but it’s meaningful. It might feel good to say it.” Melia tried to make her advice sound like gentle suggestions. She didn’t want him to feel any pressure. It surprised her, to learn this about him. Asopo rarely said what he was thinking.

“I know Erin is busy with a lot of things, we all are, but I’ll try to get a word with her later today. How would she react if I asked her to speak in private?”

“I know that Erin really trusts you. I know she respects the need to leave some things unsaid, or for privacy. Go tell her.” By now Melia had taken her hand off of Asopo’s shoulder. The embarrassment had worn off and he didn’t want to hide his face anymore.

Asopo got up and looked at Melia. She was still sitting, from where she was she could see the starlight reflecting off Asopo’s hair.

“Melia. You’re one of the most important people in my life. I don’t think any amount of words could adequately explain how much our friendship means to me.” For some reason this wasn’t embarrassing to say. Melia grinned. She looked so pretty when she was happy.

“I would have to say the same Asopo. Without you I don’t think I’d still be here. Now go give Erin your adorable letter explaining your complicated, wonderful feelings to her.”

Asopo exited Zeight and entered the league HQ.

He found Erin in the lab reading a book on banishing curses and similar ailments inflicted by dangerous exposure to ghost types. She was sitting on a couch in the corner. Asopo sat next to her and waited for her to say something to him. He stared at her face. She had dark grey eyes, like Melia’s. He always loved the black bow and the white hair. She used to wear a white top that exposed her shoulders and this short black skirt, but these days she wears a long sleeved black shirt with white trousers and a coat.

The strange thing about Asopo’s relationship with attraction is that even though he was fully asexual, he still found girls pretty. Someone’s appearance is never really a factor in whether or not he ends up liking them or talking to them, but he still enjoys looking at beautiful people. It’s not the same as thinking another boy looks cool, so for the longest time Asopo assumed that this must be what people meant by being attracted to someone else based on beauty. He had since realised that isn’t true.

Erin looked up from her book. “Hey, Asopo. You have that look on your face. Did you want to ask something?”

“...Yes. But can we talk somewhere private?” He looked at the Sashila scientists at work. “This is personal.” Erin was interested by this. “That sounds very serious but I understand. Come on then.” She stood up. So did Asopo. She was taller than him by an entire head. They went to find a quiet room where no one would be listening in. Asopo was in a calm state of mind but he could hear his heartbeat. There was definitely some tension now that he was here, but it wouldn’t be hard. Discussing it with Melia and writing that letter had prepared him.

“So let’s hear it, Asopo. What did you want to say to me?”

“Read this.” He handed it to her.

“Oh? A letter? Why did we need privacy just so you could give me a letter? Or are the contents of the letter important? Should I read it right away? Is it something you’d struggle to say?” She read him like a book. Asopo was very confident in his own wit, but she was probably smarter than him.

“Yes.”

“Okay then. I will read it now.” Erin opened the envelope and pulled out the folded up paper without tearing any of it. It was written in blue pen with large uneven letters. 

To Erin,

I love you very much and I really cherish our friendship. I want you to know that the way in which I love you is a bit different to normal friendship, I think I feel something else too. For a little while I wondered if I was attracted to you romantically or sexually, but I know I’m not. I’m fully asexual. I think you’re one of the prettiest and most fashionable girls I’ve ever met but I don’t think that’s why I feel the way I do. 

The few times we hugged, I enjoyed it even more than I do with other friends. I want to hold your hand and in general I seem to enjoy physical contact with you more so than with other people. I honestly don’t know if there’s a word for what I’m feeling. It’s similar to friendship but I’ve never thought about how my other friends have a warm smell or gentle warm hands. I never ever want to make you feel uncomfortable, if any of these things are creepy then I’m deeply sorry and you’ll never hear of it again. I just want you to know that you’re one of the most important people in my life and I don’t want to ever go too long without seeing you or speaking with you. 

I consider you very smart, strong and kind. I always enjoy listening to your takes or comments on basically everything. I admire how confident you always are and how you’re always able to say what you mean.

When this journey ends and we’re all free to live a life where we aren’t in danger from anything then I want to continue being one of the friends you see every day. I love you very much Erin, I want to spend even more time with you and I hope that would make you happy.

From Asopo.

Erin finished reading the letter. She folded it up neatly and tucked it back into the envelope before pocketing it. The whole time she was reading it her expression didn’t really change. She finished it in just over a minute. “Asopo.” Here it was. The moment of truth. What does Erin think of his feelings? “Do you have any idea how lovely this is?” Erin asked with a very as a matter of fact tone.

“...Do you like it?” 

“Do I like it? Asopo I’m really glad you told me all this. For years I used to think there was something wrong with me. I didn’t have many friends growing up and many people treated me like I didn’t belong. When I never had any crushes on anyone, when I never wanted to be kissed or when the very concept of sex and marriage seemed repulsive to me, I thought I was broken. Do you know what changed?” 

Asopo thought about the question seriously, not treating it like the rhetorical question it was meant to be.

“Did you learn something new that changed your outlook?”

“Correct, actually. I learnt that being incapable of wanting the things that I was expected to want is not some defect, it’s normal. There are all sorts of people like that. I read it in a book and then it clicked. That made me feel much better about myself. The problem remains that I need to live with the challenges this state of being brings.”

“Which challenges?” Asopo asked. He had some idea but he wasn’t sure what specific issue she might have been referring to.

“Well not being able to want certain kinds of relationships makes you unable to have them. It seems that most people have a clear idea about where the boundaries between friendship and romance are set. There’s even the notion that if you have a close bond with some non-family member then it needs to be one of those two. The challenge for people like us is that we won’t really be able to have life-long partners. If you want something like that with someone then it’s sort of assumed you need to get married or at least be in love.” So far Asopo was delighted with how the conversation had developed. Just listening to Erin explain her reasoning contented him.

“Asopo, I won’t pretend we just found the solution to that. I also won’t say I’m fully sure that I feel the exact same way you do, but I am interested. You’re important to me, I value you. It made me happy to read about how much you care. And to clarify-” She put her hands on his shoulders, gripping them. “I never. Ever. Found you creepy. I know the bit about liking my smell is mortifying, but I respect honesty. I think I’ll hide this letter away somewhere safe, there’s no need for anyone else to know about it.”

“Melia knows.” Asopo interjected.

“I, what? Did you show Melia the letter?” Erin asked with a hint of frustration.

“No. I just told her I would be giving you one. It was hard to tell you, I admitted the embarrassing parts to her as practice for now. She was very understanding.” He thought about her smile. Melia was happy that someone she loved could trust her.

“Well I guess that’s okay then. If you want to spend more time with me that badly, then how about you help me with something? I want to find another book about medical science used to combat extreme conditions similar to genesis syndrome. I also need to find a book on crafting signature moves, it’s advanced stuff so I think you should read through it until you find the section on dark moves. I know you’re an expert on battling so finding that info should be well within your skillset. Will you come with me?”

This was another part that Asopo loved about Erin. She was so cunning. So efficient and logical in the best way. She wants to spend time with him but she’s also using the situation to her advantage and getting him to help her with work. He was delighted to help someone like her.

“Let’s be reading buddies.” Asopo said with dry humour.

“Yes. Let’s. Now would you like to give hand holding a try? Or actually before we go maybe a hug would be nice.”

“Yes please.” He smiled at her.

“Alright. Bring it in.” Erin opened her arms and put them around him. Asopo wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed. Due to their height difference Asopo ended up resting his head against her chest. Erin was resting her chin on his hair. Erin’s body was firm and warm against him. “Friend Erin.” Asopo said softly. Erin heard him and chuckled. “Yeah, friend Asopo. This is nice.”

They held it like that for a while. Eventually they had enough. “We have a Braivery taxi to catch. The landing stop isn’t far but would you like to take that hand holding idea for a spin?” Erin considered that just because Asopo said he wanted it in the letter, that wouldn’t mean he’s guaranteed to want it right away just because she did.

“Yes. Let’s walk through the sand together so we can find the bird.”

“Great idea.” Erin reached out and offered her left hand. He gripped it and she led the way.

So how was the short story? Did you find it cute? Cringe? Both? Either way I really like the idea of Asopo and Erin being together like this. It was one of the earliest ideas I had for him but I didn't do anything with it until now. Thanks to whoever reads this far, thanks to those who like my ocs and double thanks to anyone who ever made content for Asopo or my other characters. I really appreciate it. As of the time I'm writing this it's getting late. I've really enjoyed Asopo's first oc birthday it was fun to talk about ocs today.

[tobiasdrake]

WHEE It's time for bugs.

Do the Ultimate Academy dorms not have door locks? Genuinely not sure why we can't just hole up in Shuichi's room until Broly goes away. But whatever the case, the arrival of the Legendary Super Saiyan is so great. This might be the most fun scene in the whole game.

Tsumugi is such a fucking nerd that her weebness bleeds off onto her performers too.

The fun thing about the Mutual Killing Game is the way it contextually affects the way you experience things like this. Super Gonta would be frightening in any situation, but the context that he might, no bullshit, be murdering people ramps it up to 11.

This is part of what makes psychopop so effective. It's in those moments of complete absurdity, where you find yourself genuinely unsure if this is a funny wacky skit or part of a murder. Often it's both, as we'll discover when we find Ryoma's body in the morning.

Ultimately, Gonta's intentions are harmless.

Well, by a certain definition of harmless.

...he meant well.

But this nonetheless provides the rising action of the case. While it seems to just be a goofy bit of fun, a lot of what happens here will be important in tomorrow's Class Trial, and beyond. Particularly with regard to who didn't join us.

Of the cast, there are five characters who successfully escape from Gonta. Ryoma defeated Gonta by being extremely slippery.

Ryoma's method of evading Gonta establishes him as extremely quick on his feet, capable of moving faster than the eye can track. Of the three people who escape the Meet n' Greet, Ryoma's the only one who does it by simply being untouchable. Gonta simply isn't up to the task of overpowering him.

This will be an interesting fact to keep in mind when he turns up dead tomorrow morning.

Kirumi defeated Gonta by being too busy for this shit.

It's not super clear what happened between Gonta and Kirumi. He later mentions that he "couldn't overcome her" so it's possible that, like Ryoma, Gonta just couldn't match Kirumi's awesome skills.

But I like to imagine she was the only person who calmly and civilly said no to Gonta when he was running around grabbing people and dragging them to his lab, and he respected her directly-expressed opinion.

Kaito and Maki also evaded Gonta but they don't get elaborated on much. And then Miu defeated Gonta by being Miu Iruma.

It is exactly what you think it is. Of course it is. It's Miu.

Under the veil of goofy antics, this sets the stage for tomorrow's murder. As Ryoma is dying right now, everyone currently being eaten alive by angry wasps has an alibi. But it also does more than that. In addition to setting up 3-2, the Insect Meet n' Greet also lays the groundwork for 3-4.

We see here the dynamic that Kokichi and Gonta have established in action.

The Insect Meet n' Greet comically and lightheartedly establishes that Gonta is a naive but well-meaning little goof who will nonetheless do harmful things under Kokichi's manipulative influence. The events that play our here are a smaller-scale and less harmful form of what will become the central case for 3-4.

For such a silly scene, there is a lot going on in the Insect Meet n' Greet. But, of course, none of this holds a candle to its most important contribution to the story.

This is why the other Masterminds didn't participate directly in the Killing Game, and were only part of the student roster by loose interpretation of the rules. When you're one of the gang, you get to suffer with everyone else.

Eat bugs, Tsumugi.