#i think it's fun to draw them at different stages of life

[maddiesharafian]

Two more character cards!

Btw, I’m drawing the characters at whatever age I feel like; they may not be the same age that you see them in their respective comics

[maddymoreau]

Me before playing Bioshock: I’m going to selfship with all the Big Daddy.

Me after playing Bioshock: I’m going to selfship with one Big Daddy but turn him into OC with a unique backstory on why he came to Rapture and why he was turned into a Big Daddy. While also creating/exploring multiple aus where he ends up as other types of Big Daddy for different reasons.

[runningwithscizzorz]

(1)Learn the rules before you break them + Gather proper references

(2) Understand what you want to break and how

(3) Can't do it? Find someone who can

(4) It's going to look really bad for a while

(5) Have fun with it!

(1) -Yes, I am that kind of artist. Yet, not in the conventional way. I encourage people to go in guns blazing when it comes to drawing something new, then coming out analyzing what they know, and what they need to learn more of right away.

-Here, I broke down the anatomical pieces of Nour and Narinder's face with the same labels so you guys can understand this weird invisible pattern that I follow in my work. Doing this with any animal you're attempting to draw greatly improves your line confidence when drawing different face shapes. Also understanding the biological function for why animals look a certain way helps you keep consistency.

(3) Time to throw any artistic guilt you have for heavily referencing people's art OUT THE WINDOW and start ANALYZING PEOPLE'S WORK YOU WANT TO BE LIKE✨ I've always done this, having a reference of someone else's amazing work right next to my own drawing so I can try and understand how they make their magic work! No shame, no embarrassment, nada. Pure, unadulterated will and spite that I would be just as good as the artist who made me so motivated and happy with their work! I couldn't figure out how to make Nour's face both sheep-like, and humanly expressive, so I looked at a LOT of Zootopia and old Disney art for help!

(2) With how I draw narilamb, I'm still working on it (as you can see) but I wanted to break Narinder's face to be fluffier and slimmer, while Nour's face would be shorter and flatter. If you look at it for too long, it's absolutely going to look weird, in the way that if you look at Anna from Frozen for too long she starts looking really weird. The anatomy isn't meant to be correct or consistent, it's meant to convey the emotion and energy I want out of the characters in that moment. If you're able to properly get that across, then you don't need to think about how broken something looks, as long as your eye is happy enough to trick your brain into thinking what you're seeing is canny.

(4) Yeah, I hate this part too. It's going to look like shit at first. I can't even look at my art from a few months ago when I was figuring out their designs... God, so fucking ugly. If it weren't for the shittiness of those drawings, I would have never gotten here! Wading through the "trust the process" stage always really sucks, but it's absolutely worth the relief of when you finally get something to look right.

(5) Art is work, yes. It's stressful, it's long, it's straining, its draining, it's exclaiming, blah blah blah. But, I try to keep my art FUN. If I find my artwork becoming slow as I depressingly drag my pen over my tablet, I'm failing. You MUST keep spirit and life in your work. The spirit of emptiness or the life of sadness can have a very meaningful place in art, but those can only exist with keeping work light, easy, and fun! If you're stressing how a specific thing looks or how you can't get something to look right no matter what, FUCK IT. Draw something to bring the flavor back in your work! I'm kind of rambling, but just, HAVE FUN!✨️ Be messy, scream, laugh, slash canvases, throw paint, smash sculptures, tear apart books, GO CRAZY

[astrow0rldx]

pac tarot: feelings & admiration for you 💌 (anyone) IN-DEPTH

very straightforward! pick a photo, piles number left to right

Pile One

somebody’s a water sign. their feelings are adaptable & they have a lot of responsibilities in their everyday life. but they balance you out , they are flexible to your presence, company, partnership etc. they may feel stable, grounded & comfortable in their level of feelings with you. your this very comforting, pretty, empathetic, emotional, intuitive, loyal person in their life. they probably are at the planning stage with you & figuring out what they want with you, what they are going to do when it comes to you and are they even going to take action in the first place.

now for some people i’m channeling some negative energy. someone could be having you as an option. or you in their life is conflicting because to much competition, sneaky & 2 faced conflict energy is going on that is hurting someone. this could be them getting away with it, both of you, or how they feel about what you contribute in their life. they are trying to stay strong, confident & brave through this conflict. when they think of you, they are pretty calm. and they feel like they came to a realization & a better understanding of what’s going on.

tbh no matter the business though, i don’t know if it’s small, if it’s them doing the sneaky stuff or y’all just have history and ten toes down. they feel like your where home is, & emotionally fulfilled with you. they want to explore more fun adventures & just be lively and extroverted with you. they feel like they are really smart & head strong when it comes to you and thinks of you strategically. they are scared if their efforts are going to really pay off, they want to invest but are they going to end up winning. they are kind of just taking a risk. idk if your really pretty & popular or something, and get a lot of attention, but they could be scared about your status and or ego/options. but if it’s not that it’s their status & the risks and efforts they are starting on this new beginning with you that they are doubting. this person is not as worried about the future of y’all connection, not in a they don’t care. because they do have a lot of curiosity & lovable feelings for you. but they are just going to see where it flows, they are relaxed and not overthinking it. but they definitely feel like they want to be bonded with you, compatible, and connected. but if they have to leave they will.

💞your late night talks could be very comforting, if you see each other late night or talk on the phone. but any talks, convos & deep talks with you are comforting. they like your mindset, they like your mind, they like when you get to know things about each other. they feel comfortable with the hope & wishes they can have with you and that you make them feel faithful. something that excites them about being with you is your romantic potiential/connection, sex/wanting to have sex with you or if this isn’t romantic probably partying, loosing up having fun, or still sex. you guys mental , mind games that y’all play is exciting to them for some people. the karma someone ends up getting. competition,arguments. but they like talking & learning with you, being prosperous & growing with you on different areas excites them. your such a sweetie pie, they feel like your such a good partner, friend with love to give, they admire that. they admire how when you got a lot going on you may be confused & conflicted you kind of just let loose and forget about it. they admire your ability to rest, take breaks. if your a homebody, they admire that. if you be confused with a lot of anxiety, they even admire that.

for the people i’m talking about that’s asking about a toxic relationship, the toxicity, the emotional highs/lows, risks, sneaky energy is what draws them in. they are really drawn to your mental intelligence, your mind, maybe your mystery. or maybe just your curiosity & open-mind ness. if your spiritual, religious, moral, committed that draws them in to you. your probably a very fun person, exciting, have motion, always on the go, or just a ball full of that with adrenaline. your a seed-planter, you grow things and prosper, you start, you manifest. those are parts of your personality that they see you in that they admire. they definitely respect you!! they respect your ambition, your self discipline, your will power. your money, income, ambition, career, career status. they respect your religion, your spirituality, your morals & traditions.

if your spiritual, emo, hippie, grunge they like that aesthetic on you. when you wear red/black, or when you wear all white. they like your hair, if you have thick textured hair, if you have curly hair, brown hair. if you wear accessories. they like your details. they like your walk.

Listen!! + movie - Waves by Trey Edward Shults

extra signs: water sign. feminine energy, sacral chakra. pregnancy, pregnancy scare. toxic relationships. woman with a lot of money, work schedule, business ideas, in college. curly hair, accesories. friendly, vulnerable female. female who is better than the second option or rest of exes.

Pile Two

their feelings for you is very sexual & freaky. if this is not that type of connection, they want to have fun. but most likely sexual. they like you as their fuck buddy. “i been working all day, i like to run the streets till it’s dark out then come home blow your back out” by Brent faiyaz. might be friends with benefits or one u guys are just independent. your someone they’re holding on to, going through the motion & moving forward with. i hope your not a burden lmao. your someone that might be a co-worker, study partner, student, school friend etc. someone that learns something from them, or they learn something from you. they want you in their life, transform the connection. the connection is transforming, transformative, or is it ending … but they want to work together with you on some matter, your their teammate. awnnn are they looking at the bad side, and sad in their feelings about you being in their life. the relationship you have could be a sexual option for them. i’m getting a specific situation for some people and you might be someone’s school, or work bop or avenue for some sex. but that’s for some, take what resonates. some they still feel very sexual motivated for the relationship you have, and may just have a lot of ideas and wishes when it comes to you. could be up in the clouds about the relationship y’all have & let’s hope not delusional.

they could have been defeated, rejected, let down in some way, victimized basically and trying to get through it & move on. they feel new & fresh with you still when they think of you and want to risk and start something new. i don’t know if they are not motivated enough & bored/dissatisfied. maybe not with you maybe with the situation that’s going on & want something different out of it. maybe feeling missed opportunities & like something didn’t go there way. they feel kind of focused & driven on you, making a lot of decisions and judgements when it come to you. but feel like your fun & a fun time.

their fears about you. do they think your the demon? or they might be the demon. they may be afraid of you having other suitors. they might not want you to see yourself higher than the connection. they don’t want things to be too chaotic, fall apart & a new perspective happens. so this is a very sexual connection, or that’s a lot of his feelings but it seems like he hides this. he hides all his sexual feelings, passion, interest, and how he be horny. he hides the fact that he likes being around you, and celebrates. honestly he feels like the future of the connection is going to be sadd, and fall apart. idk but i don’t think he wants you to let go, someone is going to be attached. & some information is going to be clarified and knowed.

💞what makes them feel secure with you is the hope & faith for y’all connection. the way someone can make something happen, control something. they like the movement & fast paste that goes on. they like how you let go & see things different. oh you look gooddd, idc what you say they believe it. and they were excited about being with you because of this, they thought you was a new lover & loved the love u had to offer. your a queen to them frfr. like they think you sexy asf, and probably freaky. they love that & admire that about you. your sexual, fun, free energy. you in your lilith, empress energy. and your ability to move on to happier waters. i really doubt your their girlfriend, idkk are you?? or is this like a friends with benefits. what draws them is is the excitement you spark, your sexiness. but i think they look at you as independent & free on your own. like a sex buddy. but still what draws them is is your flirty , playful lovely side. your probably not the most intimate, but you definitely show some pretty love & affection that draws them in. they like that part of your personality how you can be so fiery, freaky, sexy, free & fun but also emotional, inner child, comforting. they think your very smart, curious & could be a good student too. but they admire your mystery, your attention that you get or your acheivments. just how you sit on your throne in this mystery. could be intuitive, spiritual, witchy. they like all of that. your ability to just go with the flow, calm & take it slow. juggle things & responsibilities, be flexible & adaptable is something they respect you for.

they like your natural face, hair, body. they like your curves, physique. they like you when your sleeping. they like your around the house wear. they like your height.

Listen!! + movie - Tell Me Lies by Carola Lovering

extra signs: fire or earths signs. friends with benefits, someone that you mess around with, school/work/team partner. someone that comes around every once and while. someone you party with, get drunk with. someone that you have a toxic sexual relationship with for the thrill.

Pile Three

their feelings are very steady & stable. is this a current-ongoing connection? they like you there, want to keep you there. feel committed & invested. your the empress in their life, so someone nurturing, high level, queen, mom energy. your someone who they see from another perspective & is going on a slow paste journey with you, maybe taking it stable and slowly, for a goal or something. wtf who cheating? or being fake they could feel this way about you being in their life, or this could be them being sneaky, argumentative, competitive, putting you with components. but being with you has caused a tower moment in their life & shook everything up but they feel like your this emotional woman, loving & caring. they celebrate the relationship y’all have, and take it softly in the emotional department with puppy love but you could be a burden in some areas or they feel like the relationship needs some hard work.

when they think of you they think your there’s, in the life stably. they be curious about some things. wanting to know some stuff & ask you stuff. they think of the effort & investments they put in or what as been put in between both of y’all that bonded you guys. y’all connection overall. they may think about leaving and moving on from something. y’all might have history, know them from the past. they feel very comfortable & familiar around you in a very good way. they feel like your someone that their lucky to have, your here by fate. could be your family for some people asking. they might feel like whatever tbh and kind of unmotivated. or maybe they feel like they missed out on something and miss you.

theirs fears when it come to you is losing you, definitely someone who’s big on stability in their emotional landscape towards you. idk are they scared of you knowing something, they are scared of someone losing interest. hmm this idea that they would fight for you, hold on to you, commit to you, spoil you & celebrate being with you, they might be keeping it from you … idk they might really think that something is going to end you guys and you will end up being in the past or something but they’re scared of that

💞they feel emotionally secure with the fact that you satisfy them, & they satisfy you. they like the movement & action you guys do, fast progress, maybe traveling. they feel comfortable when you guys surrender to each other, let go & have new perspectives. chilling. what excites them the most about you is the hold they have on you. wheter it’s positive or negative. you may be one of their options of many, great friend, etc. or someone they want to hold on to they can get daydreamy about and have a lot wishes and fantasy’s with you. they are excited about the way y’all can come together and have fun, work together, be a good teammate, celebrate together. y’all quality time. they think your headstrong, smart, mature, logical and excited to go through things and push through it with you. they admire your hard work, patience, mind. they admire your love, emotions, happiness, fulfillment. your personality is so queen stand on business fierce confidence emotionally mature and they admire that.

what makes them respect you is the fact that you have hope & if you don’t feel secure in that hope you work on it, your an ambitious star. they respect your drive, they respect your adrenaline. they respect your fun, free, sexy energy to. physically they like you in dresses, classy clothes that makes you look materially clean, fresh, and rich. they like your physique, you might have an hourglass they like that. they might like your stomach, skin, you when laying down on your back.

Listen!! movie - Trust by David Schwimmer

extra signs: committed relationship/stable connection, girl who’s hard to get, scared of losing you, age gap, ex, childhood friend, internet friend

[shaniacsboogara]

jojo siwa claiming she's revitalizing gay pop and releasing 'karma' on the same night as conan gray's 'found heaven' and chappell roan's 'good luck babe' is so poetically ironic. it's like the universe WANTS to draw a comparison between jojo and queer pop artists.

the thing that makes queer pop compelling as a genre is the unique storytelling and experiences of queer artists told through their music. that doesn't necessarily mean every song by a queer artist has to be about their queerness. they don't have to scream "hey i'm gay!" in every single song they write. but claiming to be "reinventing gay pop" should mean you're telling interesting stories about your queer experience, right???

'found heaven' by conan gray is about growing up as a queer kid with religious guilt and disapproving parents. he equates being in love in an authentic way to "finding heaven", and the piece as a whole resonates with a TON of queer people in different stages of their lives. some people can look back at their childhoods and how much they've grown since then, some can relate because they're currently going through what conan's written about, and some people can sympathize with the way some queer people are treated, even if they aren't necessarily queer themselves.

'good luck babe' is a song about queerness and compulsory heterosexuality. chappell sings about a woman she was in a relationship with who decided to settle down in a conventional marriage despite being queer. the song reflects the denial a lot of queer people go through (specifically regarding the lesbian experience) and the unfortunate way a lot of them end up repressing who they are to conform to societal standards. it's fun, it's campy, but its message is still poignant.

as for karma… there's nothing inherently queer about that song. the music video for the original version, ‘karma’s a bitch’ by brit smith, featured a heterosexual storyline. jojo buying the rights to a song she didn't write isn't inherently a bad thing, a lot of mainstream artists do that all the time. however, if you're claiming to be a pioneer of the “gay pop” genre and your music doesn't reflect any queer themes or experiences, is it really “gay pop”? again, queer artists don't have to write exclusively about their queerness, but if you try to present yourself as a voice for the queer community without telling any of their stories, you're not going to be lauded as some revolutionary figure. if any of the songs on jojo’s album are actually about her experience as a lesbian or contain any queer themes, then i think she'd qualify as a “gay pop” artist. but so far, she's given us a faux edgy, generic pop song and tried to market it as some insane never-been-done-before feat. and honestly, if her entire album is like this and she continues to market herself this way, it's a slap in the face to all the genuine artists and storytellers in the queer community.

but let's stop talking about jojo siwa and start talking about the incredible queer artists who are truly breathing life into the "gay pop" genre: chappell roan, renee rapp, ben platt, conan gray, girl in red, kevin atwater, baby queen, mitski, clairo, dodie, and SO MANY MORE (feel free to add on some of your favourites because there are so many wonderful artists out there <3)

also: if you have a different perspective on this situation i would absolutely love to hear what you think and if you agree / disagree with this! i love discussing topics like this so feel free to reblog with your own take

[1lovehanni]

Fun in Fanmeet (Minju of ILLIT)

Minju x Male Reader (Y/N) Wort count: 2087 words Summary: A fan meeting leads to a fun experience for you.

You have been a fan of Minju ever since RU next; the way she has the visual and talent of a perfect idol is what captured your heart.

She has a unique voice, is a wonderful dancer, has a great personality, and lastly, has a gorgeous visual.

She indeed has such K-actress beauty that if she had pursued her acting career rather than her idol career, she would still flourish.

You’ve been playing the Super Real Me album 24/7, thinking of how this group started from being a nobody to a hit with their title song Magnetic. Eventually, a fanmeet has been announced in their official Twitter account. Reading through it, you saw a chance of having a one-on-one conversation with a member, but it was a random draw during the event. Nonetheless, the important part is to attend your favourite group and meet Park Minju. After the 150th album you just bought, you finally got a ticket for the fanmeet. A week has passed, and the day of the fanmeet is here. You’ve dressed as well as you can. You arrived early to the venue and chatted with some fans. And patiently waited for the fan meet to begin.

After some time, a staff member walked to the stage and announced that the fan meet was about to begin. Excitement rises in yourself; you're about to see Minju in real life. A loud cheer as the members each slowly walk. Yunah was dead gorgeous; same with Iroha and Moka. Then there’s the cutest Wonhee, but your eyes fixated on your princess, the queen of your dreams, the one and only Minju. The flower crown on her head makes her an angel that comes down from heaven to save you. Nonetheless, the fanmeet is starting with their hit song Magnetic. After that, they introduced themselves. Doing challenges, literally being themselves. Two hours have passed, everyone still has the energy to cheer, and the girls are still entertaining. But every event has to come to an end; eventually they draw the winner for the one-on-one convo. Since there are a lot of fans who attended, you thought that there's no chance you can win one, let alone win for Minju. But as the staff was picking the winner for Minju, they called in the person, but they had already left, so they redrawn again. This time, luck had come to you when they called your name.

Y/N is selected for Minju; please come right to the stage. You're dazzled by the announcement, and fans near you congratulate you for winning. You followed the instructions to come near the stage. They gave the five winners an envelope with the time and place where they could have a chit-chat with the idols. 

For you, the time is from 10pm to 12 midnight; you thought it's kind of late for a fan meet. It feels like a date for you, which isn't a bad thing but suspicious nonetheless. And the meeting place is private, which makes sense since it's a one-on-one conversation. Arriving at the place, it seems so empty—just 2 bodyguards and 1 staff member. You greeted them and handed them the invitation. Welcome Sir. Y/N, congratulations! Enjoy your date with Minju. ? Huh, did I hear you right? They didn’t talk after that. You entered the place and saw a table for two with a couch right next to it. You didn't mind the place, but suspicion arises since you haven't heard anything for the past 5 minutes. Walking to the door, you noticed the bodyguards and the staff left. You heard footsteps walking toward the door. You instantly hide as if a murderer is on you. The door opened, and a girl walked in. Where’s the guy? Minju said,Umm hi! "Shock.” OMG, why are you there? Ugh, I thought someone was about to kill me. So you won the draw? Yes, I did. I am Y/N, btw, and sorry to startle you. Haha, no worries; it kind of seems like a dark place, right?

Yes, it is.

You two casually just talked to each other for half an hour. You noticed she texted her staff to bring the food. This is fun—she said, Oh, yeah, different from a normal fan meet. Yeah, um, I just noticed my staff for the food; I'm getting hungry. Are you not? Oh, before I got here, I had already eaten. The staff knocked on the door to deliver the food for the two of you. Thank you! Miss Minju, text again if you need something. Both of you munch the food the staff delivered, and deep inside of you is screaming as to how you got to eat with Minju. 

After eating, she asked, Do you have a girlfriend or something? No, not at the moment, but you did have? An ex? Ye That's perfectPerfect? Well, I don't know if you're keeping up all this time. But you haven't just won a date with me; something else is better. Something else? Think Y/N; you're running out of time. Your head is full of confusion; you cannot think straight about what Minju just said. A lot of things are going on in your head. As you think, she stood up and got to the couch. Well, if you can't think of what I am referring to, you won't experience it. This just added to your confusion. Minutes passed, and you still can't think of what she's referring to. But then it hit. Is she giving a massage perk? I think I got it. Finally, you got it! But shouldn’t it be a flat bed rather than a couch? Huh? What? Are you thinking of massaging? Well, I can’t think of any. Ugh, you're too innocent but cute too. I like you, Y/N. But this isn't okay; it’s not massaging. Well,  it involves massaging, but in a special way, and you're the massagist. Huh? Me? Are you saying random things? Did the food make you think less? Shibal, I can’t take you anymore. It’s so simple yet you can’t get to it. Sorry, it’s just my first time, okay? I don't usually go to Fanmeets. It’s my first time too. Ugh, fine, since you only have an hour with me, I’ll do it. What are you going to do? Have fun, fun with you. Ugh, Y/N, I want you to fuck me here. That’s the prize you won; you won me for 2 hours, babe. What are you on? Are you really Minju? She then pinned you down on the couch, like the captured food of a predator.

This is what you won; I am your prize. So get it now before your time runs out. Min... Minju, I don’t see you like that; I like you but not like this. Why are you so cute? You're making me regret this.What? She then slowly removes her clothes—the white dress and her safety shorts—leaving her in her underwear. You're perplexed by the sight you're seeing. She then goes close to you and unbuttons your shirt. Please be gentle, you said to her. She mirks, going for your mouth. Feeling her dessert to you. You just follow what she desires in you. You alright, she asked. Eyep, I am fine. Strip me, touch my body. Y/N, you earned it. Okay, just like that, good boy. You have a silky smooth skin, Minju. I never imagined this. You’re really my fan, right? You mentioned you watched me in RU next Yes, I am Alright, I am gonna suck your dick now Um, okay, I’ll be gentle, I promise She takes off your pants and briefs. Showing your hard cock to your favourite idol She was shocked by the length and girth you have. Wow, you're so big. 

Thank you, I guess.

You gasped from the way she grabbed your rod, spitting on it as a makeshift lube. Slowly jaculating your dick. You are in ecstasy as seconds pass; you feel like you’re going to cum from just a handjob. Ugh, Minju slows down a bit. Am I reaching it already? I guess it's because of me. She slowed down a bit, but this time using her mouth. She kisses your tip, slurping her own spit on it. Tasting your pre-cum is like juice. She then takes it and swallows slowly, inch by inch, in her mouth. How is she good at this? You asked yourself. You thought this was why they'd debuted; they probably got used by the higher-ups. But you cleared that in your mind; you just thought of what is happening at the moment. Slurp.” Hmmm, I love your cock, Y/N. Its so big and juicy. I am glad you like it. I am getting close to it. She swallows all of it while looking at you, having the begging eyes like she's not satisfied. Alright, time to fuck me now, Y/N. You’re special since this is my first time with a fan. Are you not a virgin anymore? She nods, then gets up to align her freshly shaved pussycat with your dick. You feel your body losing strength as it enters the heavens of Minju. Oh my god, you’re so tight. I can’t believe I am inside you, Minju. Just like that, do you like it? Yes, I am getting comfortable now. That's what I want to hear. Now bring me your game. Yeah, fuck me all you want. She's in a cowgirl position on top of you, having the sight of a goddess and her small, cute tits. You moved your hips up, trying out how to fuck a girl. 

I am not good! That's right. You’re hitting my G-spot. The face she’s making fuels you. The cute, innocent-looking Minju is now a cute, hottie, sexy girl, wanting to be fucked. After a minute, she told you to change positions. Ugh, maybe doggystyle? I don’t know my position. Hmm, do you want to see my face? Then I’ll lay here and insert it while looking at me. Alright, you did what she said; you have a full view of her from top to bottom. Now, deep in this state, you just want to taste every part of her. You carry her legs to your shoulder and lick her toes. Wow, getting bold, good boy. Just like that, lick my toes. You get close to her as your body starts to lose some energy; getting this close to her wants you to kiss her. You tried to get it, but she avoided it. Um, sorry, no kissing yet. Oh really, my bad. No, I want to cause you’re cute, but that's one of the rules. Okay, Another change of position led both of you to lay down on the couch. This time you can only see her back, but your cock is still in her. Ugh, like that, Y/N, I am going to stop. You want me to stop? No, she shouts, Okay, okay, continue to fuck me like this. You continue to go inside of her, eventually feeling that her walls are getting tighter. Hinting that she's cumming.

Yes, ughh, ohhhh, yesss, just like that, I am cumming, babe. I am about to cum too, Minju GOOD. Yes, cum inside me. Yes, you can cum in me. YES, just fucking cum in me Okay okay OHHHHHHH, Yes cum in me baby. Ugh, this is so good. After cuddling inside her, both of you were just silent on the couch. She then hugged you and kissed your cheeks.

Don't tell them I kissed you, okay? Okay, I won't. Hmm, how about we do this sometime again, but with no time restriction? You down? For real? Yeah, I like you, Y/N. Maybe we can do more. Oh, alright, give me your number. She then gets dressed, giving you a wink. She looks like nothing happened, but the atmosphere in this small corridor is screaming sex.

I had fun. Did you? Yes. Hopefully next time you win again, haha. Well, I will try. Alright, I’ll call you later. Okay. She then left as the time with her ran out. You stand outside thinking of the things that happened today; not only did you meet Illit and Minju, you have just had the best experience a fanboy has ever had.

Hmm, what happened to the other four guys? Fin. A/N: A late Birthday smut for my girl. Is this the first Illit Smut here? Not proofread cuz I am lazy. Also it got fucked halfway in terms of formatting.

[tearwolfe]

As an idol, Tsukasa's contract prohibits him from forming a romantic relationship with anyone. A star like him could live perfectly fine on his own, anyway. He was used to holding people at a distance.

Rui was no different. Their relationship wasn't real. It wasn't allowed. Their countless nights spent together visiting expensive shops and watching musical performances were just a bit of fun. Even if love was shared between them, they could never make it official.

As long as Tsukasa aimed for the stardom he so desperately desired.

It seemed that Tsukasa's arrogance would catch up to him. As much as he longed for Rui's embrace, it never dawned on him to reach out to Rui past that. Rui wasn't just some lovesick fanboy. And if Tsukasa were ever able to look past his own narcissism, maybe he would have realized that.

Tsukasa's vanity would be what severed the one true escape he had from his turmoil. Rui really did try his best to show Tsukasa to look past himself, to find enjoyment in life off the stage. He was naiive to think that he could fix Tsukasa, and naiive to fall in love with him.

Tsukasa's words were painful and Rui's patience was running thin. After his final words, Rui left Tsukasa in the street, cutting the string connecting them that he so desperately had tied.

Perhaps Rui would also find fault in his own failure to change Tsukasa with how his story ends.

NEXT

note: tsukasa and rui's argument is much longer, but more of the same, paraphrased, tsukasa being adamant that his status as a celebrity puts him on a higher level than rui. i just didn't want to draw 20 frames of their faces as they argued.

also, tsukasa is not intending to be fatphobic to rui. his point is that non-idols don't have to worry about what they eat, drink, put on their body, but since he's an idol, he can't just willy-nilly eat whatever. he unfortunately suffers from toxic idol diet culture and is not self-aware of this.

[nights-at-crystarium]

Fragments - episodes 41-46 author notes

You can find similar breakdown posts on older episodes in my pinned!

Get comfy and reread with me the finale of the Il Mheg arc and the intro of a certain loser.

First off, I wanna emphasize how important this arc’s for Vivi. Had he not liked Il Mheg in general and Feo Ul in particular, the rest of the story would play out very differently, and not in favor of the sundered. His initial positive impression of the First is pretty much the only thing that saves it.

We've reached a high, physically and emotionally. You know what that means, as per the shb rollercoaster rule :>

Pan pride pixie blesses Thancred, ca. 2024, colorized. I accidentally gave them the pan colors but hey it works. ALSO! Stars in his eyes.

Re: distant nightmare, I’ll let you in on a secret, or a third party perspective if you will. Vivi's full of shit, he's too focused on the big picture. He’s narrating this whole story, but his perspective is, well, just that.

Initially this was Vivi's inner monologue, then I thought that I should just let them talk, and it wrote itself.

More under the cut~

Drawing a buncha vivi-lookalikes that act soooooorta but not really like him, just slightly off, was a surprisingly fun exercise.

Luckily for Thancred, though, he sniffs out the pixie magic, and knows better than indulging them.

...Still, what a shitty fucked up day. Sorry, Thancred :’>

This here’s an example of a moment where I’m uncertain if I’m being too subtle and if this flies over some readers’ heads. He refers to Alisaie’s “job” of dragging Vivi back to msq, which she recently started lowkey dreading (episodes 32-33)

...Though she goes back to her “duty” in episode 43.

She's pointedly SILENT throughout the episode, doing her best to hold back.

Thancred's a man who can say no to begging dogs.

Gridania mention! Vivi’s gridanian! He never speaks ill of the elementals, he's wary of them even a world apart.

This pixie's life is something Feo Ul's willing to sacrifice. Episodes 42-43 tell this story in reverse order, yes this’s the pixie that was supposed to agree with Thancred and go with the Scions to the Crystarium.

As to why there’s a dozen of vivis popping up as a backup: they needed just one fake Vivi to go with the Scions, but try organizing the pixies. Their plan’s already failed when this first pixie-Vivi refused to play their part.

“Yeah no, our guy’s special, but not as special as to explode in confetti”

I love his first ingame appearance in that Varis cutscene, this moment has similar energy: barely enters the stage, instantly gets impaled on a long object. This’s not foreshadowing, no, why would you think that-

The “camera” is perfectly still, there’s even some symmetry, demonstrating how calm and prepared Emet is. He didn’t expect much and he’s still disappointed.

This’s a super old comic. I spent the first half of 2022 testing and trying to find a style for Fragments, back then I had no plans, none, zero, absolutely no interest to give Emet a role bigger than a mention. The earliest version of the script had very few Emet scenes, which, looking back on it, was gonna be a disservice to his character. Well, that changed rapidly in late 2023 when I fell for him so hard that I broke my neck, and now I look back on a lot of what I did with Vivi with new eyes. THE EYEROLL. After spending two years developing a guy for a fun wolgraha chemistry (at the same time I was perfectly aware that Exarch and Emet are foils. I made a foil for Exarch, what on earth did I expect-), I’m going through a mindblow after mindblow as I realize HOW GOOD VIVI IS FOR EMET (and vice versa ofc) and how many things they have in common. This wasn’t always the case, Vivi just gradually got more cynical, tired, ✨grey✨ and everything else that makes a guy consider hitting it with The Other Old Man.

They’re off to a great start.

From Emet’s pov, this must really hurt, as in how many other shards of Azem might’ve snarled at him like this. Even though he must be numb to it by now, who says that there isn’t the tiniest flicker of hope when he approaches yet another not-Azem. He may deny and hate and try to snuff out that spark, but the fatal Soulmate Magnet keeps doing its thing.

Parallels to episode 2.

Apparently, Vivi’s first reaction to encountering his to-be-most-prominent boyfriends is to attack them somehow.

This’s really, REALLY dumb of him, and he even comments on it shortly after. But yes, his isekai tale in the First was rather pleasant just until now, and it lulled him into the false sense of security. OF COURSE there are ascians everywhere, not just on the Source. Vivi just forgor.

Emet tests Vivi's reactions to insults/being treated as a lesser, silliness, flirt.

I regret to inform you that both Vivi and Alisaie have been disarmed so easily. The tone quickly shifts, the weapon’s lowered.

Alisaie makes bad puns/jokes in canon, I thought it'd fit if she laughed at that kinda jokes too, and in the least fitting situations, to top it off. Alphinaud’s disappointed, even if he can hardly be called an expert in humor.

“It’s up to you”. Emet stops fooling around, assuming a more serious tone. He may not respect Vivi or his agency here, but he provides him with a choice that's guaranteed to give him some trust points, and uses "we" for an illusion of unity/equality, a not really subtle nudge towards cooperation, it's not me vs you anymore, it's "us".

Whether Vivi picks up on the manipulation or not remains to be seen, but Emet gets his way here.

Forgive me this lil tangent, but I’m so giddy and excited to write Emet. If Exarch’s decently emotionally intelligent but still obtuse at times, Vivi’s a tier or two above him, he’s not a stranger to manipulation, he registers it being used on him, and doesn’t hesitate to use it too when it suits his fancy. He's quite good at people-ing. Emet, though, Emet’s THE emotional intelligence personified. He’s had literal thousands of years to practice, he leaves everyone else in the dust in this regard. It’s daunting but so exciting to write him, I hope to do him justice.

Let’s just talk.

𝓛𝓮𝓽’𝓼 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓴.

Mark this moment, remember this line for meme value. If these last words aren't famous yet, they WILL become that when we see what they talk their way into <w<

Yes I'm going all in on tragic irony of Emet's situation.

Accidental Emet rp, with the hunching over and all. Or maybe Vivi already unwittingly mirrors him. Or maybe he always did- *kicked and dumped in the trash bin*

Man. I'm guilty of enjoying drawing Vivi in genuine distress. He’s so fun when he’s agitated.

Hidden Angst Time! It's all hehe haha until you realize that this might be a product of the hectic wol lifestyle forcing him to speedrun his emotions like this. Either speedrun, or be left with no opportunity to process them at all.

Also, the sandwiches! The framing’s deliberate, they’re on the foreground all the time, and Vivi only notices them in the very last panel.

I! Love! This! Face!!!!!! A rare neutral, relaxed, thoughtful face, he isn't performing for anyone here.

Nevermind Ardbert getting brutally ignored here x’D

The fact that a guy that Vivi had briefly considered as partner material shut himself away in the Crystal Tower for what could be the rest of his life has stuck with Vivi for good. Or should I say for bad. He might not necessarily care about ARRRaha, still it upsets him that he kissed someone who practically killed himself some days later.

I recently talked a lil more about the Bitchless Liar. This’s how Vivi remembers him forever, take it or leave it. But hey, this cool Exarch guy has big balls probably <- in-universe hc \o/

This episode taught me to draw BREAD.

Even though Exarch’s been nothing but sweet so far, one thing’s to acknowledge a fact with your brain, another thing’s to wrestle with your trauma and paranoia that have all rights to exist and fester. Ever since HW Vivi doesn’t accept food and drinks from anyone except the few trusted sources. This isn’t really covered in this episode, but hopefully hinted at just enough.

He takes a leap of faith. Or maybe he’s simply sick and tired of living Like This. Maybe sandwiches kill him, and he doesn’t really mind. And, when they don’t, he goes through a visible shift in attitude towards Exarch, as we’re able to see in the following episodes.

This’s all I’ve got for now, thanks for reading till the end~

[hehearse]

hello tumblr user hehearse. another ask BUT this time its NOT torturous song associations! i would just like to ask if you have specific thoughts on jinjae. because theyre SO fucking weird abt each other and they have me in a grip. i would like to know your thoughts on them ^^

GASP branching out aren't we? :D

i think they are incredibly fun. and horrible in their own way.

i love the fact that shj is NOT under yoojin's key word effect and he is Just Like That TM. bear with me for a sec. i was having yet another ted talk with dearest achro juuust recently about them, SO THERE ARE SOME HALF COHERENT THOUGHTS READY

i like how shj being the adult and not under the keyword effect gives some. agency in a way. so you know how yoohyun gets all the love despite him being the way he is. for the price of him moulding his entire being around yoojin? or more like HE decides THAT is the price and the only context for the love to be deserved and a fair trade so to speak. when he breaks the mould, he does not lose the privilege of being loved. he was chosen when he was that way to begin with. and anyway, yoojin gives so much leeway to yoohyun even in the frame of his views on good and bad - because love runs deep, and there are many things he'll let slide or let go, as long as yoohyun - and other kids - are happy.

but shj is an adult, not yoojin's kid. might sound obvious but. that gives him agency to fuck up his relationship with yoojin, and he actively chooses not to do it when he moves to the "partner" stage!! (because hyunje very clearly was feeling out the boundaries in the beginning, wasn't he? pushing and pushing and poking the rot until yoojin cracked. and what a surprise that was huh. huh, shj?? he stopped after that. the lines established (by him) and he was not. entirely happy about what he saw, even if incredibly intrigued)

additionally. there is something to say about the playful lines they draw. yoojin has his pride and wants to at least APPEAR strong even when he is struggling. and in places where yoohyun or yerim would fluster him with excessive care and worry, shj gives him enough space to pretend for a bit. even if they both know he's lying. he lies himself too, to save yoojin his pride, doesn't he? the "ah, it's just my whims" attitude? isn't it easier to accept the lavish gifts and such when it's not personal? might just use since he is clearly an eccentric rich s class, right? (that shoots them both in the foot with yoojin feeling insecure, like shj can drop him at any point in time, but that's different story)

plus! plus!! the thrill of biting back at someone so powerful. the excitement of toying with the guy everyone feels threatened by. ^^ (and of course the fun of peeling of perfect appearance and seeing this sung hyunje who doesn't eat bread crusts, likes fishing and being annoying and playing into jokes and is SO good at it he catches on instantly, just give him an opening. a secret persona. makes you feel special, doesn't it?)

while love for yoojin seems natural (oh yoojin. the most guy ever. gah.), sung hyunje too. makes adjustments to win points. like with him treating yerim seriously, him taking in account yoohyun's possessiveness when proposing giving only one of his eyes to blind yoojin (because you know. yoohyun would be unhappy if he didn't get a chance to give his eye to his hyung. and he is his hyung's number one. so shj can't not take it into account - he likes his place number two after all).

ANYWAY. i think yoojin needs an Adult TM who won't necessarily break apart without him. but who would still like to have him around and let yoojin bully him a bit as a treat. and sung hyunje needs someone who can not only tolerate his nasty personality up close, but would ALSO bite back without a fear of retribution. makes life more fun that way. i suppose you can say they both need someone who would entertain their bullying but not leave or get scared or break apart. ^^

[evillandscaper]

Okay guys I'm gonna do a breakdown of a few of my personal hcs for the main 3 of both s1 and s2!!! This includes little doodles of how I draw em differently !!!

Let's start off with Olive :3 there's a LOT under the cut.

Okay, so Olive's really active, right? To me, she's always been brains AND brawn. So since she's out in the sun all the time, she has a tan!

She's also lightly scarred in my version, if you look carefully. Those were gathered out on cases. I hc that she has a LOT of battered uniforms that Otto sews/embroids together. Also, if you squint, you can see my version has light eyebags. It's not that she doesn't sleep, she's just fed up with everyone.

Her hair is messier! She comes into work all prim and proper, but leaves it all disheveled. If it's a more tiring day, she'll run her hand through her hair. Also, red hair tie instead of black, just cause I find it cuter.

Miscellaneous hcs:

- Olive is half Quebecois, half Vietnamese

- Her last name is Tremblay

- Her full name is Olivia, she just shortens it

- She's terrible at English and can't write an essay to save her life, but is very good at analysis

- She eats green skittles first, and thinks the purple ones are awful

- For their halfiversary, Otto got her an olive branch shaped tie pin that she wears whenever she feels fancy

Next up: OTTO!!

The urge to change his hair was carnal in my soul. It's the Asian canon event. It happened to me, and it happened to him. Just to make things a little bit more fun for me to draw, I let his hair grow out a little bit... yknow the awkward stage after a bowl cut grows out a bit? Yeah, that.

Downturned eyes! Just so he and Olive can contrast a bit more. He's soft, she's sharp. They're silly!!!

I also make sure his mole is always at least partially visible. It's such a cool part of him, and I can't believe they cover it up most of the time in canon...

Miscellaneous hcs:

- He always has his blazer undone

- He's an excellent cook, but becomes immediately incompetent once someone is watching

- He's strangely good at identifying plants, and has a habit of picking edible ones and eating them straight from the ground

- He's good at English! Not the best, but better than Olive

- His last name is Garcia

- For their halfiversary, Olive got him a cast iron pan. He doesn't use it to cook, and instead swings it at anyone who makes fun of him or Olive

Next up: OSCAR!!!

I honestly don't have much for Oscar. I love him, but don't think about him that much.

He has messier hair and is just a LOT more disheveled in general!!! Close your eyes in the bullpen at any given moment and I bet you could hear something in the lab blowing up.

He's perpetually sweaty. Damp palm guy. Maybe that's why he keeps dropping gadgets...

Miscellaneous hcs:

- He's very bad at telling the time. On vacation, he'll never know what day of the week it is

- He knows how to play the otamatone surprisingly well. He can make them talk, and has conversations with one the way one would with a sock puppet

- He never knows what significant figures to use, so he ends up just ballparking everything and just not measuring in general. Maybe that's why everything in the lab is always blowing up

- He has a full denim outfit saved up for formal occasions. I'm talking denim hat, shirt, jacket, pants, shoes, all denim

- His last name is Collins

OLYMPIA NEXT!!!!

Okay so there's a lot of hearing me out you guys will need to do.

Anna Cathcart is half Chinese and half irish!!! Thus, I gave Olympia monolids to accentuate that factor. I also downturned her eyes and thinned her "lashes" to make it more obvious that I'm portraying her as wasian!

I gave her freckles and rounder glasses for the vibe. She's just a soft character to me, and I really want to make her look the part.

She's got messy hair!! It's based on the little half fringes she had in very early s2, which I thought were adorable. Her ponytail's also higher just so she looks different from Olive!!

Miscellaneous hcs:

- Olympia knows floriography, and will get very hurt if you give her the wrong flowers

- Conversely, she thinks she's being really rude if she puts a tansy on someone's desk to show that she's upset and will feel bad about it all day

- She always carries a little salamander named Josh in her pocket

- She can speak Yiddish

- She has a massive storage of those flippable sequin shirts and has one for every occasion

- She put her hair into a ponytail bc of Olive (this one is courtesy of @/starboundsingularities!!!!!), but the more she found herself, the higher up she tied it

- Her last name is Carter-Ng

Next up: Otis!!!

I draw him a little sickly for no particular reason. He's just silly like that.

He's not that different from canon tbh! I have his hair in an undercut because I think it looks cool on him (plus it's easier to draw), and he has eyebags because of ... the vibe.

He has a notch taken out of his ear due to an injury! From what, he won't say .

Miscellaneous hcs:

- He listens to royalty free music unironically

- He's going through his Alan Walker phase

- He has barely legible handwriting, but can draw surprisingly well

- He types like an old man, with the "............" and everything

- His last name is Otis. His full name is Otis Otis. This one is also courtesy of @/starboundsingularities I love it so much

Last but not least: OONA!!!!!

She's really going through it.

Fun fact: Olivia Presti has curly hair!!! That means that Oona should have curly (or at least wavy) hair... but she doesn't. Which is honestly so sad.

But I can always mitigate that, so I draw her hair wavy. I guess it's more extremely frazzled than wavy, but it's the same effect in the end.

EYEBAGS. She doesn't sleep after The Incident. She also has downturned eyes, just because she gives off that vibe.

Miscellaneous hcs:

- Oona is a regular customer of a local rage room

- She knows how to use a crossbow to a mildly terrifying extent

- If a flight of stairs has a railing, she'll slide down it. She almost always ends up falling

- Her last name is Silva

- She says she knows how to speak Polish, but she only knows a select few words and doesn't know what they mean. They're all curse words.

- Subsequently, Oona is banned from several Polish restaurants across the city

That's all!! They're all so silly :3

[howlsofbloodhounds]

So glad someone else sees the weirdness of people being gross about fem body nightmare it always comes off as somewhat fetishy too bc they reduce him to just being hot

Yes! Absolutely. Seeing the weirdness not only in how nightmare is treated, but also how killer is treated! If he supposedly respects his boss, then why the hell is he drooling over him and treating him vastly different just because nightmare has tits now?

I also see this a lot with female killer or feminine killer—female killer always has huge breasts and small waist and it hardly seems like killer. Even when it’s just normal killer wanting to dress or express himself more feminine, it makes me uncomfortable when it’s done in an overly sexual manner for no reasons?

And of course nightmare and killer are adults, so there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to them or writing/drawing them in adult situations with eachother or others, it’s just that it feels very fetishized and hyper sexualized to have characters drooling over nightmare when hes just existing and also has breasts.

Even with killer as he is now, vastly hypersexualized as a character for not even any real reason either. He only flirted like once or twice in his canon drawings, clearly as a joke even and mostly because people asked rahafwabas to draw those things with killer, and yet it somehow became his entire character. Not to mention how people took ���flirty” and “romantic” and immediately went “lustful creepy pervert.”

To the point where people just cant seem to let these aspects of killer’s character be just that; aspects, something interesting and fun, but not his whole entire character.

Don’t yall find it interesting to explore how a character who views themselves as emotionless and is dissociated from themselves and their actions most of the time navigates things like physical intimacy?

Especially when this character has very likely not felt any kind or comforting touch that wasn’t just a way to keep him further manipulated and controlled? How his experiences with abuse and torture and control have become so normalized it taints every aspect of his life, from the ideas of consent to the idea of boundaries.

Can he even feel much sensation that is too gentle, would it send him reeling in discomfort and disgust at first. would he hate how his body reacts even if it’s something that feels good—wouldn’t he feel viscerally unsettled if someone could provoke bodily reactions like flushing cheeks or a beating “soul beat” or even genuine arousal from him.

wouldn’t he think with contempt if his body reacts positively or negatively to receiving comfort. wouldnt he try to find a way to maintain control and detachment because too much stimulation or stress or feeling threatened or trapped or controlled or afraid for his safety and life could trigger higher stages and he lashes out and literally could kill his partner(s) because his mind mistakes the situation for something else. wouldn’t he need a level of either trust or control to willingly engage in something that feels deeply threatening.

Anyway i got off topic, but you’re absolutely correct. I love female or feminine Sanses, especially with the apple twins, and i don’t think there should be any need to hyper sexualize and fetishize the female body. (especially if these feminine/fem presenting or female bodies also happen to be trans/queer bodies; such as with transfem dream.)

like just let nightmare exists as nightmare, regardless of if he happens to have breasts or not—and don’t have his subordinates drooling all over him and behaving super strange just cause nightmares got boobs now.

(and I also don’t wanna see any situation where nightmare who usually doesn’t have boobs has boobs one day and the gang make a big deal about it, since nightmare is a shapeshifter and all. he could realistically just decide he wants boobs one day and the gang could just go “interesting. Anyway..” and hardly even that.

unless it’s to like, ask for today’s pronouns or something, i don’t see no need to comment on the breasts unless in the context of, nightmare is engaging in intimacy with their partner(s) or something. a context where it would make sense. Anyway just be normal about female/fem killer and nightmare please.)

[witchlingcirce]

One thing I genuinely really like about the last hours and the dark artfices is that you can see how different Cassie’s original plans for the series were.

Btw all this information is stuff you can find on her tumblr from like 2010 and above!!!

Like for TDA in particular, Julian was meant to be really heavy smoker, Cristina’s name was Carmen and she was definitely going to have a very different personality (Cassie mentioned how this ‘Carmen’ liked to dye her hair), Livia was going to tell people her name was Olivia because she thought Livia was odd, AND there was meant to be another blackthorn! Who was originally going to be around 5 I think? And her name was Ariadne!!

Now the last hours is one where you can 100% see the major differences in how the characters and story was originally planned. I don’t know how long Cassie had actually planned this series for, but it was definitely a longggg time.

One major difference is definitely just the characters in general. If you look at James in the midnight heir his personality is so drastically different, there was meant to be alot more characters (I.E, Charlotte and Henry where meant to have daughters which I wish we got!!!). Not to mention appearances were very different as well!!!

Anna was going to have green eyes, and Christopher was going to have longer hair (look at that pony tail!).

Another example of this!!! I don’t think I could make who half these characters, and ngl looking at this feels so cursed!!

I think it’s meant to go Alastair, Alexander Lightwood (Gabriel and Cecily’S youngest son), next to him is either Cecily or most likely an earlier conception of Anna, Lucie and Cordelia, James and Matthew, behind them is Jesse and Grace I think! I than… Charles and Christopher??? Very odd duo. On the boat is herongraystairs, and than next to them I think is meant to be more lightwoods? I presume whoever they were would be our now Thomas, Eugina and Barbara. And I could not tell you for the life of me who was behind them.

I think the last hours is especially fun to look at because they have a decent amount of old fanart!!! Looking at white Alastair and Cordelia feels so… like it doesn’t even seem like it could be them!

TLH was also her series most impacted by covid!!! And she had planned to give the series a more tragic end, so I’m really curious what her original plan for that in particular was. I have theory’s something was meant to happen with Matthew but that’s just me.

I really enjoy seeing the difference in the original plan and what we got! Seeing the earlier stages feels so weird!!

(All lovely drawings done by Cassandra Jean)

[voidheartkisses]

Okay hello hi hello,

First off you're amazing and a gift to the world, I wish I had even half your talent. Your last piece blew my mind and I just HAD to ask,

How long have you been drawing/painting for? I imagine forever but I'm always curious how long it takes before artists reach these sorts of levels where it evolves into full-scale projects as opposed to smaller hobbyist crafts. There are so many beautiful art pieces on this platform as a whole and I'm constantly baffled by it all

Sorry if my excitement is off-putting that piece is heavenly and my mind is blown. Hope you're doing well!

Hi and thank you! That's a good question

So I've been drawing since I was born, but I've been drawing digitally for 8 years. I think in the very beginning most artists should just focus on having fun, you'll basically improve by default

after a while you will want to improve. It will be slow, but this is the stage where you'll recognize what you need work on

I'd say the turning point is when you've finally gotten far enough into your art journey without any sort of formal training (ie, a lot of artists dont learn the basics/fundamentals first, which is fine since most of us start as hobbyists) But I think learning them really did help me a lot. You start to think more about how light and shadow lays, depth, 3D objects, and more.

I highly recommend watching this video about levels of art, it's been really helpful and motivating to me throughout the years

This part is going to be long so you don't have to read it but I just wanna give my personal journey and how I got to now if anyone thinks it'll be helpful:

(2017) With digital art, I started off on ms paint and occasionally ibis paint x. Mostly using anime deviantart bases (EMBARRASSING), but after a while I developed my own style based on the people I was inspired by at the time, I was just happy to draw and didn't care much about improving at this time

(2019) The people you look up to artistically will naturally change over time (and thats okay), after a while I decided to switch to firealpaca, where I guess I got more invested on how light and shadows work, as well as making my characters look a bit more natural and develop my own style, your preference in aesthetic may also change over time which is noticeable here

(2021) Eventually, I began to lean more into semirealism (which isn't everyones preference and thats okay! realism shouldn't be the ultimate end goal of art) but I really enjoyed making stylized characters look 3D and in natural looking environments, since I felt it spoke to my own experiences, a lot of artists draw from real life experiences. I focused more on anatomy at this time as well as textures and environments, composition also became a big deal for me at this time, as well as wanting to use different colors

(2024) The change from LINEART to DIGITAL PAINTING in 2022 was the hardest for me once I switched to clip studio paint, it was basically like starting all over and I was so lost. I had a lot to figure out on my own but I knew it was a transition I had to make to draw the kind of art I wanted. But I began to study and take more things into consideration, I didn't like my art so I simply kept going "I can do better", learning from my previous mistakes and slowly making something I would be more satisfied with. At this point art felt more like "projects" then anything, because I wanted to make pieces that were of quality and had time and care put into each of them, sure it meant there was no longer much quantity. but hey that's what my smaller Cult of the Lamb lineart drawings are for!! 💙

I'm still growing and I definitely have a long way to go, but I am very proud of my progress this year, and I'll continue to grow until I'm satisfied (haha im stubborn) I also want to develop my secondary lineart style that I do when I'm not painting, since I feel that is important too

in short; time, practice, dedication, and passion are the most important, draw what you love above all else because it will be your drive to keep going, staying motivated was the most important for me

Sorry for the long post 😭

[sugaringcozy]

Donghyuck/Haechan Natal Chart Reading - Part 1: Personality, Mind and Identity

Disclaimers: 

☁️ I will mainly be referring to Haechan as Donghyuck in this reading as I am referring to the actual person, not his stage persona. However, elements of his career/stage persona do come in and I may refer to him as Haechan then!

☁️ This natal chart reading is for entertainment purposes and this is just my perspective. Take this with a grain of salt.

☁️ My intention from this reading is just to understand Donghyuck better and appreciate the person he is, where any troubling topics come up I do not claim to know them as fact or wish to speculate.

Please do not copy my work and credit me if referencing!

Personality

Standout Traits: Intelligent, changeable, sensitive, intuitive, hardworking and creative.

🫧 Eighth house in Gemini - Starting off with this because it is a perfect summary of everything I’m about to cover. Donghyuck is a really magnetic person, a brilliant mind and naturally draws attention to himself.  However, he has many sides to him and is a complex, interesting person and much more sensitive than people realise.

♋️ As you can see, Donghyuck has a LOT of Gemini on his chart lol. As such, there is a lot of Gemini energy. His Gemini chart stellium and Ruler show how well he can fit in with different groups of people, he’s a master at ‘fitting in’ - and he understands exactly what the public are thinking and want from him.

🪩 However, while some people like this are natural chameleons, you will never forget when Donghyuck is present. He is a ‘life of the party’ type as we know… but has a tendency to shock or contradict the normal way of thinking. He is a natural contrarian and doesn't have a filter. Combined with his energy and ability to read others, he has a tendency to say things which are blunt or taboo because he enjoys winding people up and being a clown, haha. He’s incredibly intelligent in the way he does this, even when he does things like randomly trying to kiss the other members- he knows who to pick on and on some level has fun seeing them squirm.

🔥 Gemini Sun and Mars Conjunction - gifts him incredible will-power and passion. Hyuck’s warrior self and fighting spirit aligns with his gemini sun self, which is positive - he is fiery and brave, and this is what makes him SO competitive and ambitious.

💢 Scorpio Ascendant - Scorpios are seen as very mysterious and complex people, but they are actually incredibly honest and funny people. This makes sense for Donghyuck as he sometimes seems a little too honest with his thoughts lmao, but his Gemini self knows when to reign it in.

🧸 Something else which really stood out is how sensitive he is. I will get into this more a later on, but just having a Cancer Mercury (with his Gemini stellium emphasising Mercury traits anyway) AND Pluto in 1st House makes him very expressive, sensitive, and reactive. Hyuck is someone who has to try hard not to let his feelings show on his face, and he feels a lot.

🤹‍♂️ Leo Moon - At his core, Hyuck just loves to be creative and entertain others. He has a great sense of humour, but likes to tease and get on people’s nerves. This is his love language! BUT it also comes from a need to create fun for himself if there is no entertainment around him.  However, when he winds people up and gets into arguments he is forgiven just as easily. Leo Moons are very charismatic, lovable people!!

🦁 A fixed Moon makes him incredibly loyal, determined and hard-working - this is brought out even more by the Leo placement. He has incredible stamina at work.

🩹 His Leo Moon self can be a little uncareful, and he has a tendency to sulk when his pride is hurt. Hyuck will also have a tendency to be emotionally dramatic and really perform his feelings (no surprise to anyone lol). Pride is a big thing for Leos and this is both good and bad, he can be a little bossy, petty, and has to walk away from arguments when they are uncooperative because he can’t abandon his views. In terms of Hyuck as a person, having a Leo Moon in the 9th house is  wonderful. He is extremely intelligent, open-minded and able to read others very well.

🎭 People with a Leo Moon house placement are almost always naturally gifted with acting, dance or performance. A Leo Moon in general is the perfect placement for a life in the arts.

🏆 Aries in Donghyuck’s fifth house compliments his Leo moon perfectly - as a person, Hyuck is playful, athletic and competitive. Takes pleasure from perfectionism - wants to be the best, keep improving himself and be the first to do things. He has a youthful and boisterous - playful energy.

☁️ Uranus in Aquarius - Free-spirited, very unique personality. Creative and very intelligent. Intuitive and empathetic, but sometimes over-opinionated. Having Aquarius in Uranus (the house of change/innovation) suggests Donghyuck loves change and excitement - really fits with his other signs and placements. In fact, Donghyuck needs change and excitement in all areas of his life. Aquarius’ (myself included) are known for being lovably weird - we just do things which other people can't make sense of. I think this sign is quite fitting for Donghyuck because he definitely does some strange, hilarious and unexplainable things sometimes. It’s the embodiment of giving in to your impulses, and when combined with the flippant nature of his Gemini stellium it explains some of the crazy things he casually comes up with.

💫 Something which will keep coming up in this reading is just how forward-thinking Hyuck is. The Trine between Gemini Sun and Aquarius Uranus really demonstrates Hyuck does NOT like old-fashioned and stuffy views and is not afraid of taboos - which is a big deal in a deeply Confucian society like South Korea.

🪖 Jupiter Saturn Conjunction - Makes Donghyuck strong-willed, proud, brave and prosperous. Willing to work for his goals and has patience in achieving them - this is especially true in the context that he became a trainee as a child, with odds stacked against him and has worked his butt off to get where he is today. A mix of incredible luck, talent and being a profound hard-work.

🃏 Opposition between Jupiter and Ascendant/ ‘Jupiter Setting’ - Always very bold people with something quirky about them - usually a larger than life presence and good sense of humour - likes to play ‘the fool’.

🐂 Capricorn in the third house - Donghyuck has grown to be an incredibly resilient and resourceful adult. Very hardworking and will withstand pain to achieve what he wants - he understands sacrifice very well. Fits well with his Saturn in 6th House making him very dedicated and reliable.

🦚 Neptune in Aquarius means someone with a lot of unique inspiration who likes to be bold and daring. Hyuck is also genuinely compassionate and wants to fix problems for the sake of harmony - harmony is really important to him.

🎨 Moon and Neptune Opposition - Donghyuck’s imagination and creativity is really a gift - he will be able to come up with such unique concepts and authentic ideas if he can harness his imagination and his emotions properly.

🗣️ Mars in Gemini - A gemini speciality - king of debating!! Hyuck can and will debate anything, especially if bored or wanting to get his way… as we know lol

🌊 Trine between Venus and Uranus - Creative and experimental person, good with his hands and has very good fluidity of movement - I think this references his talent for dance and general creativity. Naturally talented with musical instruments too.

🫂 Going back to his sensitivity, this can be a very positive trait as it is also where he gets his empathy. Donghyuck’s empathy is something to be admired and he isn't given enough credit for it - he is actually very affected by seeing people hurt and feels a great deal of compassion for them, because he has the ability to truly feel others' feelings.

🎭 Virgo Midheaven - Virgos love to help people and to make things, I think Donghyuck would have always gone into a creative profession. He can struggle to express his true feelings verbally but he will always express his gratitude to fans through his performances and devotion to his craft. Knowing his music makes people happy during hard times will also be very touching for him, and it truly makes the hard days worthwhile. 

👀 Virgo Midheaven also shows him to be a lover of the taboo and unexpected - if all his friends got tattoos, he wouldn’t. If no one in kpop had a tattoo, he would be the first to get one. He’s just naturally a contrarian because he enjoys thinking for himself and making his own rules lmao (probably why he cheats in games too).

🌟🦂 Midheaven in Virgo - 10th House cusp, Scorpio Rising/Ascendant - Intense but captivating personality, you can’t look away from Donghyuck. Again, keeps his insecurities and deep emotional thoughts to himself despite being a very honest person. He will always express his feelings rather than say them outright, and he censors what he does share with everyone. Craves privacy, might be why he hates showing his tummy/bare skin to fans - Hyuck has set a boundary here that no one is allowed to cross - though the Virgo aspect could also show it also stems from a place of self-consciousness and doesn't want others to compare his body with his group mates.

👤✨ Pluto in Sagittarius - Hyuck understands his subconscious truth and has a sense of identity separate from societal expectations. Modern and open-minded views. Pluto being in the 1st house is interesting though, it shows this huge intensity in his personality and makes him crave authenticity. I think this really fits him, he’s both intense and thoughtful, bold and responsible.

Section 2: Mind & Emotions

♊️ Typical to Gemini nature Hyuck is restless and he has such a busy mind. This is supported by his Sun in 7th house too - the inside of his mind must be a very loud place, and all this energy inside him tends to spill out as hyperactivity.

☀️✨ Gemini Stellium - There is a sense of alienation Donghyuck feels often, both in life experiences and in personality. He feels judged for being honest, and his Gemini Sun in 7th House alludes that he gets along with many people but truly ‘clicks’ with few. This Gemini Sun in 7th House can become negative if he is not surrounded by encouragement and stable relationships (however, he is). It is heightened by his Gemini Sun-Venus conjunction in 11th house, opposite a Sagittarius Pluto-Chiron conjunction in 4th house which will make him place a huge amount of importance on whether he is socially accepted and loved. It gives him an edge of determination as an idol, to become ‘the best’, ‘the most loved’, BUT he will also have felt very depressed about himself at times and comments about his appearance as a kid will have really stuck with him. His self-esteem is lower than it seems at first, though he is confident in himself.

⚖️🙇🏻‍♂️ Neptune in Aquarius - this is a fixed sign so again Donghyuck is very fixed in his values although his mind and interests change often. Can sometimes feel a bit alien or like he has a hard time understanding others people who are superficial or conformist. These natives tend to be deep thinkers underneath their flashy exteriors and Donghyuck probably thinks a lot about the deeper stuff and issues he cannot find answers to. Might be why he finds religion grounding and helpful (will go into that in Identity). Again very stubborn in his ideas, but his mind will change so quickly (esp. with all his water signs) that he can suddenly lose interest in arguing his case!! ❤️‍🩹 Along with his Neptune in third House - Hyuck is a beacon of strength in himself but to really flourish and be happy he needs supportive friends around him and to hear encouragement.

🌑⚔️ Leo Moon - Again a duality here where Hyuck is intensely self-critical, never thinking he has done enough or being satisfied with his performances, but is very prideful about his opinions and his singing and dancing talents. Moon in the 9th house can show insecurity about emotional vulnerability and suggests Donghyuck copes with this by acting out his emotions. By making everything a big performance, he doesn't have to verbalise topics which are hard to talk about. He also does this to avoid rejection, because as mentioned, he can feel misunderstood and judged, living in a superficial society.

🔮☁️ Leo Moon and Sagittarius Pluto Trine - Donghyuck’s intuition and gut feelings can be really strong when not clouded by fear, so much that he could even be psychic. Has a lot of psychic protection, maybe from his ancestors.

💢🔥 Gemini Mars - Makes Donghyuck especially fiery in anger - he can have a temper and I see him as the type to get really mad, and then get over it quickly because Geminis are so changeable lol. However, the Gemini Sun and Mars conjunction can also show Hyuck can be consumed by his feelings - definitely the type to rant, to argue or yell into his pillow - definitely swears a lot off camera. If really provoked, Hyuck has the potential to say things in the heat of the moment which are cruel; forgetting his humility. But due to his empathetic nature, Donghyuck will then genuinely feel terrible about it once he calms down. Combined with self-criticism/self-doubt, he is likely to suffer from anxiety without grounding and support from loved ones. For Hyuck, Mars is in the 7th house which is interesting as Mars is in the natural house of Venus, its polar opposite. What this means is Donghyuck has an incredible ability to channel his anger/frustrations into creativity if he doesn't let himself wallow in it.

🌪️ Mercury in Cancer - A deep thinker with a lot of mental energy and a VERY good memory. The inside of his mind is very loud though lol. Like many water signs, Hyuck is emotionally changeable and can experience overwhelming feelings which he moves on from just as quickly. In the eighth house it gives Hyuck a very busy mind, especially with the emotionality of Cancer so Hyuck likely has problems switching his mind off. People with this placement often have insomnia or vivid dreams (I think he has spoken about insomnia before?)

🧠⚡️ Uranus in Third House - Really rapid thinker, genius ideas just come to Haechan and he notices patterns easily. This is probably what gives him that scheming edge whenever he plays a game. Needs intellectual stimulation all the time & will have a wide range of hobbies (with his Gemini stellium I think his hobbies probably change often too) and a short attention span. In a lot of ways having such a busy and varied job as an idol really suits him. Donghyuck also has a very restless mind and thinks a lot. Again, puts a lot of value on his own ideas and beliefs which he has gained through challenging rules and authority. Hyuck knows he is different from most people and it can heighten a sense of ‘not-belonging’- but this isn’t necessarily negative and he is confident in his mind.

☔️ Trine between Venus and Uranus - Must be encouraged to share his deeper thoughts and feelings - again this could be his issue with being emotionally vulnerable. Hyuck is the type to try to demonstrate how he is feeling without having to tell you.

🥊 Square between Jupiter and Uranus - Some restlessness and anxiety can occur with this placement. Donghyuck has a strong urge to break free of tradition and to be free of ordinary routine - in this sense I think being an idol is actually an excellent career for him, as long as he doesn’t beat himself up over mistakes. Also makes Donghyuck a natural thrill-seeker and risk-taker. People with this placement tend to have very modern and open-minded views and a bold sense of humour.

💡 Opposition between Jupiter and Ascendant/’Jupiter Setting’ - A slightly negative aspect - Hyuck can fail to really consider the opinions of others because he places a very high value on his own beliefs/ideas, which could cause friction in relationships. Seeing how much Haechan has grown up over the years though, learning to be quiet and letting others believe what they want - I think he has an awareness of this behaviour and is trying to grow from it. For the most part it is something people just grow out of with maturity and experience 🫶

🌑🩹 Lilith in Capricorn - Lilith is where we hide our taboo sides, our trauma, shame, insecurities and hidden desires from the world. I read Haechan as a perfectionist (Capricorn) who is unable to ever feel fully satisfied with his success and performance. He is an insane workaholic as we know, but he nevers feels he has done well enough. There is also a part of him which is cynical or a little icy, as a result of trauma and disappointments in his life. Can be afraid of showing his delicate emotional side to people (goes back to the ‘funny loud guy’ personality.) At times (off camera, as Lilith is a hidden side) Haechan probably comes across as quite serious or somber. You definitely see this more as he has gotten older. However, Hyuck also has an extraordinary stamina and resilience when it comes to times of hardship and conflict.

🖤🔒 Eighth house in Gemini - His privacy is something that bothers him. He wrestles with himself over what fans should and shouldn't know about him/his life. As an idol he likely also feels he cant fully be who he is inside, so there is a conscious mask - he loves to push boundaries but knows not to push too far, so he moderates what he shows of himself even around the members. There are things even they don't know about him.  Along with his Scorpio Ascendant, Donghyuck feels a need to control what people see of him. A good example is his ‘customer service’/on-camera voice, which is a purposeful decision as he knows fans like Haechan to be cute. However it is also so that he can keep some of his identity private and put a boundary between Haechan and Donghyuck.

🌀Twelfth house in Scorpio - Donghyuck is good at burying his feelings and his secrets, which is unfortunate because then he has to carry the burden of them by himself. Donghyuck hates to talk about the low points of his past, his insecurities, fears and failures and this means he works through his issues in private, not wanting anyone to know. This can mean he suffers in silence, and that he needs to learn to process his feelings and let others in. This house can indicate someone who is almost unaware of their own psychological suffering or resists being vulnerable. I don't want to say I am worried about him - there is much positivity in his chart too, but I’m glad he has a supportive circle around him in NCT and I’m sure his family are the same.

Section 3: Identity & Appearance

👑 Gemini is associated with Mercury, the androgynous planet, so having a Gemini Sun and Venus will mean Hyuck doesn’t feel the need to play into masculinity the way some male idols do - he is happy being seen as cute, having long hair and doesn’t look for validation in his masculinity the way a lot of men do. King shit!! It also means he appears to have some typically feminine qualities; big doe eyes, plush lips, plush thighs, a pretty vocal tone etc.

❓ With a Gemini Sun in 7th House, Donghyuck really struggles to find a sense of identity separate from what he is to others - his self-worth and identity is dependent on how others see him, quite likely because becoming an idol at such a young age has really restricted his social development and sense of personal identity. They say becoming famous as a kid is a type of trauma and so I imagine he has felt stuck - with his understanding of himself, and therefore most of what he knows about himself is related to how others see him. I imagine he enjoys trying new things to find out if he likes them, to learn more about himself as a person.

💫✨ Gemini Sun and Aquarius Uranus Trine - Hyuck is naturally very intuitive and in tune with the universe. In turn this makes him empathetic and able to really feel others' pain. This also means he probably dreams very vividly and has strong gut feelings. Because of this, he may be drawn to find answers to the unexplainable through religion or spirituality. This trine also shows an absolute hatred for routine - no matter how his life played out, Hyuck would need a varied and busy job. 

👣 Square between Aquarius Uranus &  Scorpio Ascendant - Haechan is the epitome of a self-made person, but I think he is conscious that he did not have a conventional upbringing/teenage period and this placement brings up the lack of self-identity and experiences that other people his age have.

🎙️ Uranus in Third House - Usually these natives have a distinctive voice - for Haechan and his angelic vocals this is absolutely true. Also a really witty, expressive communicator.

🪐 Jupiter in Taurus - makes him broad-shouldered and attractive. Again shows an innate respect for religion/spirituality/deeper meaning - interesting bc as we know he seems to be exploring his faith and enjoys praying before performing. A Jupiter in Taurus native also has a tendency to indulge in his pleasures, but with his financial prosperity this shouldn't be an issue.

🔮 Cancer Mercury in Eighth House - Donghyuck feels there must be a greater purpose to everything, and has a great hunger to learn the complexities of life and things we cannot understand through religion or the supernatural. This tracks well because I know he has been seen praying before concerts and Mark bought him a bible - so I assume faith is something they talk about together.

⚔️ Opposition between Mercury and Lilith - Quite a hard placement, finds it hard to understand himself and there is a continuing theme of an inner conflict.

🎯 Mars & Uranus Trine means natural charisma is attractive and feels exhilarating to others - he’s bold and exciting and outrageous. It adds to his natural  competitiveness. 

🏴‍☠️  Aquarius Uranus in 3rd house - Hyuck has a rebellious streak and a dislike for authority and strictness. This tells us the way Donghyuck sees the world - he sees social norms as boring and is distrustful of authority- he knows that someone in a higher position doesn’t automatically know better. He is also absolutely the type to HATE rich assholes & chaebols who act as if they are better than others. 

⚔️📝 Square between Saturn and Uranus - Describes some inner tension or unrest which gives a huge amount of creative energy and boldness. Combined with his other placements, I think this speaks of the conflict between Donghyuck and Haechan. Donghyuck is not a confident person, so being Haechan on camera/stage allows him to become everything he needs as an idol - the unrest inside him creates a huge amount of creativity and boldness through his Haechan persona.

💸 Moon Sextile Venus - This placement attracts popularity, comfort and wealth. Can be a little over-indulgent in things he enjoys, like food, games and presents for loved ones.

Also such a cute placement, basically meaning Hyuck is naturally a very lovable, soft and endearing nature. People naturally want to take care of him. But, people with this placement are usually so good at being adorable that they can simply rely on this to get their way, so has a tendency to manipulate others with his cuteness.

💅 Venus in the 7th house also means Hyuck is naturally attractive and charming without needing to try. Along with his Venus & Mars Conjunction, Hyuck has what is referred to as a magnetic appeal. People are just drawn to him, and he would be a fascinating and attractive person in any career. Masculine Mars & feminine Venus conjunction is also interesting, I choose to see it as a balance of these energies within himself. Hyuck is confident in his masculinity!!

😷 Square between Jupiter and Uranus - this is a slightly negative aspect. I think Donghyuck feels very conscious of the ways he has to moderate himself to be acceptable in a superficial and judgmental society. If Haechan wasn’t an idol I think he would live an unusual lifestyle in some way and not pay much attention to Korean social norms. However, we know what other people think really matters to him, so I believe this adds to this feeling of 'I can't show this normal part of me to the public'.

🩶 Chiron in Sagittarius 1st House in Retrograde - Suggests there is a disconnect with who Donghyuck is at his core and how he fits into the world. Again goes with this theme of a lack of self-identity or knowing things about himself and life for certain. I have this too but not in retrograde (I was also born in 2000) and the best way I can describe it is just feeling… lost. It is hard to understand this crazy world enough to be confident in the path you’re walking - in 1st house especially you can feel very new to the world. It also means it’s a sign of finding purpose in this lifetime, not just physically but spiritually. This is a large part of his journey to overcome, and it will get easier for him.

🌟 Venus is a powerful planet in Donghyuck’s chart so it suggests he is in control of his actions (even if he cannot control his feelings). This is really positive and attracts wealth, respect and fame. A really good placement for a famous person.

Section 4: Health

Venus in 7th House - Vulnerable to back problems. 💢

People with Saturn in 6th House tend to be obsessive workaholics. However, they have a tendency to be overworked for long periods which is good for nobody’s health and likely adds to the emotional exhaustion mentioned in Donghyuck's other placements. Health issues can occur due to stress (which would mean high blood pressure, fainting, heart problems etc.)

Sixth house in Taurus speaks of physical exertion - it is suggesting Donghyuck is overdoing himself physically and changes will have to come in the future as it will continue to impact his health.

Honestly I don't think Hyuck has a predisposition to heart issues, I think his illness occurred because he is so overworked and hasn’t treated himself with a lot of compassion 🙁 The good news is he seems to be doing better now, and this kindness for himself will grow with age. I will touch on this later but he will go through a huge emotional transformation in the next couple of years + will really come into his own. 🤍

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Thank you for reading! ☁️ 💖

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Next - Part 2: Career, Passions and Work Life

Back to Masterlist

[adashoflavendermelancholy]

Music and Flames

The Whitebeard pirates were well known for their parties. Even other emperors knew the large group liked to party. It wasn’t like Shanks’ crew that drank until they drying a whole island up. No it was different. They would dance, sing, and laugh the whole night away. All in all a very fun happy night when they partied.

The end of the year party was coming up. Another year that they lived and were happy to be part of. Everyone was ready to have a blast. Even the newer recruits were getting in on the party.

The ex Spade pirates were helping where they could. Getting more food, and alcohol. Ace had towed a few ships to the next island just to make sure they had enough to last them. Deuce helping the commanders with planning. They put up lights so no one would be left in the dark. Tents to sleep in or anything else that would be needed. Multiple places to go to the bathroom. It was all for the best party of the year.

Ace smiled and laughed. Trying his best not to get too caught up with the fact that it was that time of year again. It wasn’t like the Whiteboard's knew about it. The Spades too busy to mention it. He could relax and enjoy the time he got with them.

When the party started they found out that it started strangely. Everyone got a chance to show off what they learned or completed this year. Everything form a drawing they did to full battle plans. Just about everything they were proud of was on display. Pops watching with a smile on his face, as each child presented.

Before long it was the new comers turn. Not minding that they weren’t ready for this. It was part of the hazing. It also helped not make the new people freak out about having something completed that would match the others.

Deuce stood on stage being the first to be thrown up there. He looked around then at Pops. Everyone waited, smiling and holding no judgment for the boy. “I uh wrote a full three notebooks about our adventures.” He said, hoping it was enough. Just what was he supposed to say?

“AWESOME!” “YOU HAVE TO READ SOME OF THEM TO US!” The crowd yelled. Making Deuce read out some of the things he wrote. All of them were true of course. Cheering more when Deuce actually read out one of the things they did that year. Did if focus on Ace, yeah. Ace was doing something stupid and got them caught up in it. Making the Whiteboard's laugh and snicker while looking at Ace. Not that he minded much. But, they were alive at the end of the day. Just another story to tell when he saw Luffy again.

Banshee made a new dish this year. One that Thatch taught her. It took six attempts to get it right. Every time it went wrong, Ace got to eat more than the others. Not that anyone wanted the off colored creation he was eating. She was so happy to get it right. Knowing that she was close because Ace said it tasted good. Everyone cheered and told her to keep on cooking.

Skull told them about how he was just a pirate fanboy until he met Ace. MEtting Ace was both the best and worst thing for his fan life. Ace showed up beat up the crew he was hanging out with. Then didn’t know how to sail the ship at all. He had to teach Ace and Deuce everything, until they made it to the next island. But he ended up having to keep the idiot alive. Ace yelled ‘That’s not being true, I knew some things.’ not that anyone believed him. It did end up making everyone laugh. Soon everyone had gone up. Learning more about the new siblings then they might have in the next month.

It was Ace’s turn. He didn’t really know what to say. It wasn’t like he really did anything note worthy. He fought a bunch of people but that wasn’t unusual for him. Plus everyone else had something else to be proud of. Thinking about what he did, the crowd waited.

They couldn’t wait to hear what he was going to come up with. Was it about fighting Pops? OR beating Jimbe a war lord of the sea. Maybe it was some other story they hadn’t learned yet. Whatever it was they couldn’t wait to hear it.

The answer was nothing they could ever expect.“I…uh…learned a song?” Ace said not confident. Otama taught it to him when he visited. It honestly wasn’t that big of a thing.

The silence as they wondered why that of all things was what he said. “Well, Sing it then!” Thatch called out. Laughing that singing is what Ace chose.

“kaeru no uta ga

kikoete kuru yo

gwa gwa gwa gwa

gero gero gero gero

gwa gwa gwa” Ace sang. He had never sang in front of a crowd before and didn’t really know what to sing. It was a short song, and was over soon enough. The others stared at him then cheered. Telling him he did a good job. That he should sing more often. Ace, was so embarrassed that his shoulders were on fire. But, it wasn’t a bad feeling. This time at least.

Izou knew that song. Though they didn’t say anything right away. It was nice to hear their language again. From someone other than themselves. After all who else was from Wano on their crew. Maybe with time they could teach Ace how to speak with them. That would be the most fun.

Not right now though at the musicians had gotten their hands on Ace and were unlikely to let him go. They were going to make the boy sing until he couldn’t. Izou saw many of the new spades being taken away into the groups that shared their hobbies and interests. Reminding Izou why they asked Pops to start this whole thing.

Twords the end of the year everyone waited. Counting down the seconds. Another year as a family. A year of seeing the world and fighting. Pranks, laughter, and tears. There was so much to every year. It only made the best parts of life to be here. Tomorrow the party would continue, one a little sadder to honor the ones that didn’t make it to the new year. If they died or left to peruse there dreams, it didn’t matter. They would always be family to them. There was never a need to say goodbye when they would see each other again.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 150 thoughts!

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 7…. ttttttechnically? they don't actually mention that the kiss happened, so i'm counting it…

ladies, gentlemen and those who know better, our long national nightmare is finally over

after… literally I've lost count of how long it's been since we had some proper Aqua introspection, our landmark chapter 150 is almost entirely dedicated to putting us back in Aqua's head (quite literally!) and sort of catching up with him. Some things about Aqua that have been mostly only communicated through showing over telling are explicitly told in text and i'm ngl, there's one or two things where seeing textual confirmation of them got me barking like a fucking dog. Overall, while the pacing of the start of this arc has been bit clunky and this chapter itself isn't free of that either, it actually feels like things are moving and meaningful characterization is happening which after the Movie Arc is a bit of a luxury lol.

As usual, I want to gush about Mengo's art before I touch on anything else. Setting the majority of this chapter in a dream sequence allowed her to do some incredibly fun things with the staging and imagery here. Aqua in that eerie void with his feet drenched in blood… Aqua and Gorou still stuck in that hallway where Ai died, while Ruby has managed to take steps to leave… It's so fucking good.

There were some absolutely top tier Kanas this chapter, too… her little baby tantrum in flashback and that gorgeous final page of her… But I'm getting ahead of myself.

While I described this chapter up top as being communicating things about Aqua, it very much feels to me like it's also serving as closure for Gorou, both in the sense of him as a person and resolving the posthumous arc that he's been going on as part of Aqua. This chapter at last draws a clear and explicit distinction between the two, that Aqua is no longer Gorou, even if he might have been built on the foundation of his identity. Gorou is even described as a 'role' that Aqua has been compelled to play that Gorou himself is now urging him to step down from - he is offering to relinquish Aqua's future back to him… if that's what Aqua wants.

This was how I'd initially read the relationship back in my 143 review - that 'Aqua Hoshino' created from Gorou, his core values and driving ideals, but 18+ years of living a whole new life in a whole new social role, meeting people and having experiences Gorou would never have and literally having a different body and brain in the process have made him different and the sum total of those differences is the person we call Aqua Hoshino. This chapter seems to lean into this interpretation, casting them as a pair of briefly intersecting lines that once crossed but have now diverged onto their own paths.

I also just really liked the dynamic that they were shown to have this chapter. Whenever we've seen this conflict externalized in the past, Gorou has always been this frightening, overwhelming presence whose existence actively prevents Aqua from having any kind of happiness or peace. Here, though, they have a much less adversarial energy, which is a really nice reflection of Aqua being able to gradually start pulling himself out of the shit he's been stuck in. Gorou almost feels fatherly or big brotherly here, not just in how he behaves in regards to Sarina-as-Ruby, but for Aqua, too.

But……….. okay, I'll stop dodging around the elephant in the room now lol

After over 25 chapters of very deliberately avoiding putting us in his headspace, 150 finally puts the ball in Aqua's court vis-a-vis the AquRuby tension and he answers in a way I think would be pretty hard to walk back: That Ruby is his precious sister and that's it. That her feelings for him are the result of her projecting Gorou onto him, chasing a ghost that is fading from this world and that she does not actually love him. Whoof.

This was another thing where seeing it in text felt pretty great. I'd caught pretty early on that there was a weird divide in the way the story was handling the AquRuby dynamic - namely, that there wasn't an AquRuby dynamic and all the supposed ship development of it was largely happening in retrospect, beefing up the intensity of the GRSR relationship and having Ruby express her feelings to Gorou-through-Aqua. When the idea of Aqua and Ruby romance was floated, by contrast, it was always treated like a gag. With the Movie arc being as much of a mess as it was, it was hard to work out what the intentionality of that was (if there was any to begin with) but this seems to make it about as clear as it can be: neither Gorou or Aqua have any had any feelings of that sort of Sarina-through-Ruby and neither of them want to pursue romance with them.

Once again tapping into my powers of Claire-voyance, I already know a lot of people are trying to insist that this is Aqua lying to himself or 'settling' and that he does secretly want a relationship with Ruby for reals! but that really isn't how it comes across to me in the art. He's calm, speaks straightforwardly and without hesitation and makes his point pretty clear. We know how it looks when OnK character lie to themselves and this isn't really it. It would also just be strange for that to be the case when this is a scene about Aqua starting to consider the idea of moving past the things that hurt him and live out his future with someone.

And who that someone is… seems to be coming into focus, but I don't think we'll be getting there quite yet.

I will say that for as much as I liked this as a chapter and as a goodbye for Gorou… it kind of doesn't really make a lot of sense as a resolution for his guilt lol. This chapter frames things in such a way that centers his guilt on Sarina and that seeing her live her life as Ruby has given him some catharsis over it. This is a sweet idea but… that's, uh, not how this was framed anytime prior! When we've seen Gorou intrude on Aqua's happiness before, his self hate and his guilt all center on Ai's death and his inability to save her. The last time we saw him in this capacity in 95, that's what he was saying with his whole chest: that he deserves to suffer as punishment for Ai's suffering, Ai's death. I'm sure that knowing Sarina is living on as Ruby was very cathartic but… it has nothing to do with Ai! Why is this being framed as narratively resolved in this way?

Like… if I chew on it a bit, I can make it make sense: since chapter 1, Gorou has been pretty open about projecting Sarina onto Ai, processing his grief that way and imagining her living vicariously through Ai's success. The idea of Ruby doing the same by continuing Ai's legacy and keeping her radiance alive being the thing that gives him release over Ai's death is interesting and I can understand it emotionally, it just feels like a weird unexplained leap for the narrative to make. I was talking to a friend about it, trying to work it out by externalizing it, and they theorized that this was always the intended endpoint of Gorou's posthumous arc but that the story had drifted in the middle section and Akasaka hadn't quite realigned them. This makes a lot of sense to me and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the case.

I will say that it really bugs me. I've already talked about the ways Ai's importance to the twins as their mother has been gradually downplayed and diluted as the Movie Arc has gone on. In my original post, I attributed this to Akasaka trying to amp up the intensity of the GRSR -> AQRB relationship in a soap opera-y sort of way, but given that this chapter seems to shut down AquRuby, I don't really know if that's the case. In general, Ai has been treated as sort of narratively 'resolved' as of 137, as if that chapter was the capstone to her posthumous character arc and while that might be the case for Ruby… I really don't think it is for Aqua!

It's possible that this is intentional. Aqua still has a shitton of work to do on unfucking his relationship with Ai and the ways his view of her, as implied by the Movie Arc, is warped by his grief. I could see this final stretch of the story being primarily about that - after all, this chapter is about confronting Aqua with the binary choice of revenge or love. In a lot of ways, this has always been what he's struggling with but putting the ball this firmly in his court establishes Ai's death entirely as his own trauma that he has to work through on his own. After all, Aqua might have confronted Gorou in this chapter, but there's a certain someone we also saw in chapter 95 that Aqua hasn't dealt with yet…

I'm talking about Kana, obviously! (ducks thrown tomatoes)

I don't have a ton to say about the AQKN romance setup in this chapter other than… yeah, I kinda saw this coming! It's interesting to see Gorou, the representation of Aqua's guilt and self destruction, be the one to so directly confront him and push him towards trying to find some happiness with her. Aqua quietly noting that he knows the things he likes about Kana and he knows that moving on with her makes a lot of sense - but what makes this especially interesting is the way it mirrors Kana's own reflection on her relationship with Aqua at the end of the chapter.

I like that a lot of the AQKN moments the two reflect on are just… mundane, everyday instances of the two of them stumbling through life together. I've seen a lot of people say AQKN is 'boring' or 'flat' because it lacks the drama of AQAK or AQRB but honestly, I feel like this is what makes it work (when it does work) - their relationship, whatever form it takes, is a safe and quiet space where they can just exist outside the drama and transactional utility of so many of their other relationships.

That said, while those montages mirror each other, what makes them interesting is their divergence point. Kana decides to commit to choosing 'love', with that absolutely gorgeous full page panel, but Gorou hands the knife - the symbol of the violence that blighted Aqua's life - back to him and makes it clear that love or revenge, the choice is now entirely in Aqua's hands. We don't see what he chooses, but… if Oshi no Ko really is a story with a happy ending, I think it's a foregone conclusion. And that makes me really happy.

Not that it's happening anytime soon, lol. I'll be very shocked if Kana's confession doesn't result in a rejection from Aqua, at least at this point in time - there's too much else going on in the story for this to be the right place for Aqua to commit to Kana. She's still an idol, after all and Kamiki is still around. The bets I'm placing right now are that AQKN are going to get their resolution, whatever form it takes, at the Dome concert during or after Kana's graduation.

As for their date… Call me cynical, but I also don't see it going particularly well. After all…

Aren't we forgetting somebody?