#i think it kinda affects me more since a lot of my rain world posts kind of. flop? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yesimwriting · 4 years ago

Text

The Promise of Rain, Blurb 3

Technically the third in a blurb-ish series (though this is kinda long for a blurb lol) but can technically be read as a stand alone, but i think the other parts make this seem more significant lol

A/n kinda angsty, not sure if i loveeee this but i haven’t posted a fic in such a long time bc of graduation chaos but now it’s summer and i’m working on a lot of requests/stories :))

Summary: jealousy is out of place when there’s no real warrant for it, and sometimes it’s okay to be content--to not need the rain to make you promises.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x sunshine-y! reader

Tiredness dulls the part of me that craves the rambunctious, but I’m still positive. I smile when someone does something only the truly inebriated find comical. I laugh when something somewhat actually funny happens, and I let the world around me drink. Twenty minutes--in twenty minutes I will claim a headache and go upstairs.

“You okay, y/n?” Jesper’s concern would border on genuinely considerate if it wasn’t for the slightest hint of slur in his words. Nights in which he consols himself after losing game after game are when he’s the friendliest. “You’re strangely quiet--you’re never quiet.”

I press my lips together oddly, smiling in a way that finally reaches my eyes. Jesper’s nice in an oddly particular way when he’s tipsy. Overly observant and careful. “Just a little tired,” I shift in my seat, leaning back against the plush seat in Kaz’s office, “I wish Kaz would just get here and dismiss us so I can go to bed.”

Jesper smiles, lifting his arm slightly and causing his glass to sway. Kaz is not going to take it well when he realizes that Jesper was extremely involved in the downstairs celebration. He turns ungracefully, moving to sit next to me with no warning. I half-heartedly glare as he takes up most of the small couch.

“You’re grumpy when you’re tired,” Jesper hums, stretching his casually.

I sigh once, but it lacks any bite. “I do not.”

He smiles easily, tilting his head so far to the side that it falls against the back of the seat, “No...but I know the real reason you’re grumpy.”

Rolling my eyes, I suppress my instinctual reaction. That would only expose his words as true. “I am not grumpy, there is no reason--”

“You know he hated it.”

I exhale, tired and slowly losing my fragine hold on fake tranquility. “Yeah.” That should make it better. “I know.” It doesn’t--it doesn’t make anything better.

So the contact we so desperately needed on our side took to flirting with Kaz. It was an uncomfortable situation because of its precariousness and I was worried because I know about his issues with touch. But it’s not like I care about the flirting part. No. It was unprofessional and so easily turned messy--that’s what my problem was.

Jesper sighs, stretching even more. I let him stretch his legs over me, too tired to push him off. I sigh, setting my chin on his bent knees. “What’s with the face, l/n?”

I roll my eyes again. Sometimes having someone care about you is annoying. I take back all of my positive thoughts about him--Jesper Fahey is an annoying drunk.

“There’s no face,” despite my words, I feel my expression sour even further. Jesper’s expression shifts from that of gentle worry to teasing pride. “And if there was one, it wouldn’t be because of Kaz Brekker.”

Jesper’s lips twitch upwards, something strange tainting his tipsy grin. “I never said a name.”

“One more condescending comment, and I’m shoving you off this damn couch.”

He laughs flatly, shifting closer and making himself more comfortable. Drunk and touchy--anyone else would have been slapped by now. “You’re nicer after some of this.”

He holds his glass out towards me casually, amber liquid sloshing slightly. I blink at the liquid with slight disinterest. I’m not exactly in the drinking mood...but I’m not exactly in the mood for any of this. The sound of the door opening doesn’t phase me--it’s not Inej, because she never lets herself be heard. Kaz doesn’t say anything, taking one dull step and then another, footsteps leaching the room of any warmth. The coldness he exudes so easily as a mask is strong tonight, I haven’t even looked at him and I can feel it.

Maybe I do need a drink.

I take the glass from Jesper, taking a quick and shallow sip of the liquid. It’s offensive in smell, taste, and the way it spills down my throat. The taste is much more intense than expected, some of the liquid slips past the corner of my mouth. Somehow more bitter than this moment, the liquid leaves me ready to splutter like a child. I exhale, pushing through the burning. Jesper moves his hand forward absentmindedly, wiping a single drop of liquid from my chin carelessly. The gesture would be sweet if my throat burned less.

“Jesper,” the warmth of the alcohol takes root in my chest, “That’s--” He laughs at my reaction, coaxing a smile from me. “Like literally the worst--why do you even have this?” If this is served in the Crow Club, I’ve never heard of it, this is the kind of under the counter alcohol that isn’t mass produced.

He laughs a little more freely. “Won it off of someone passing through--I don’t always lose.”

I wrinkle my nose, “An outlier shouldn’t be--”

“Oh, shut up.” Jesper laughs again.

“Both of you ‘shut up’,” Kaz sighs, stepping further into the room, “If you need to drink, at least wait until after my meeting.” I frown, ignoring Kaz’s lingering and sharp gaze, “You should all follow Inej’s example.”

“We can’t even see Inej.”

Kaz raises an eyebrow, but he regards me with nothing but voidness. He’s never exactly emotive, but normally in moments like this something I can never interpret touches his expression, coloring it human. “Exactly.”

“You’re funnier than people give you credit for.” The comment isn’t exactly sarcastic, but it’s something lighter than I should be offering. It’s an attempt at peace, the slight stiffness between us is starting to bother me. Our usual dynamic isn’t exactly friendly, but it’s more than this. Kaz glares. “But not tonight.”

His expression hardens. “Business is business. It’s not humor, it’s not whatever you try to make it.” Right. Just like it was business when that girl spent more time hitting on him than actually revealing real information. The thought leaves my expression tight as I swallow back my instinctual words. “It’s not whatever you’re currently doing.”

It takes me longer than it should to realize he’s referring to the position Jesper and I are in. Can he relax? It’s not my fault Jesper is tipsy and touchy.

“Kaz,” Inej’s voice is soft yet determined as she emerges from the shadows. It’s a miracle the way she’s nothing more than a shadow until she chooses not to be. “What’s our next job?”

Prompting Kaz in order to prevent a fight--Inej, always the closest thing to a mom available. I give her a partial smile, glad that she’s wedging herself between us and the tension, preventing conflict I’m too tired to follow through on.

“A merchant’s house,” he begins slowly, “We’ll be searching a merchant’s house but I’m seeking evidence more than property.” Jesper swings his legs off the couch with no warning. My head falls. I glare at Jesper who offers me a slightly apologetic tsk before dropping his head on my shoulder. Kaz must note the exchange because something in his expression tightens. He’s extra irritable today. “I’ll disclose more tomorrow,” he sighs once, already turning away, “Most of you are beyond listening tonight anyways.”

He’s at the door before I can tell him that I’m not drunk. The door opens and closes, but Kaz’s heaviness lingers like led. I frown, letting my head fall to the side, resting on Jesper’s.

“He’s weird today,” I mumble, unsure if I want a reply.

“He’s always like that,” Jesper breathes, “You’re losing your novelty, y/n--he always learns to harden himself against anything bright.”

The words leave me even more tired. “I don’t think I’m particularly bright.”

“Kaz does,” Inej replies, “And it has nothing to do with ‘novelty’, Jesper’s just cynical when he drinks.” I don’t know if I believe her, but I like knowing that Inej thinks that. “And Kaz can’t harden himself against you, and he hates that.”

I press my lips together, straightening my spine. “I’m not that great, and whatever Kaz does or doesn’t harden himself against doesn’t affect me at all.” My nails press into the plush seat. “I don’t even know why we’re talking about this because whatever he does or doesn’t feel doesn’t matter to me.” I force myself up, doing all I can to seem perfectly calm. “All I care about is going to bed.”

Turning my head, I start to approach the door. Kaz has been strangely cold all night, and while I’m used to his moods, he hasn’t exactly directed them at me so fully since the day he caught me waiting for him to wake up after he almost died. If he wants to go back to how it used to be, then it can. Maybe I’ll care in the morning, when the growing weight of my eyelids is no longer a distraction.

“Sometimes the two of you confuse me,” Inej begins, “And sometimes I see you try to deal with emotion and I see the common ground.”

The words leave me cold. I don’t think being compared to Kaz is an insult, not when there’s so much it could mean. He’s much more complex than he wants to be. There is goodness within him, gilding the parts of him that are more shards than anything else.

I exhale, refusing to turn. Inej is too observant for her own good. “There is no emotion.”

“I’m not going to waste my time arguing over that because I know it’s a waste of time.” She pauses and I consider turning around in hopes of reading something less honest from her expression. “I’m just telling you as a friend that one of you needs to be mature and talk to the other tonight before the tension gets worse and that it’s not going to be him.”

She’s right. I exhale, “Do you think I should let him go?” Even just saying that leaves my heart aching. I know instantly that that’s not what I want, but it might be what he wants--it might be the best option. I might have the strength to let him go if I work at it. “I don’t--that’s not what I want and I’m not sure I could, but maybe that’s selfish of me.”

“Y/n.” I turn slowly, but I purposefully avoid her gaze, keeping my head down. “I know that I’ve known Kaz longer than you, and I know that when he’s getting along with you he’s,” she trails off, uncertain, “More him, in a good way.”

My heart swells, and with that comes feelings of panic. I never wanted to change him--to make him better or worse or anything; all I’ve ever wanted is to know him and to maybe help him with his burden. And to hear that maybe I’ve done that from someone so close to him--someone so observant and aware. That’s everything. And that terrifies me. Nothing good can last; nothing that seems to be all you could ever want actually is. I know that from life before the Crows, before I ran away from the castle I called home.

“I think he does the same for you.” I’ve never really thought about Kaz’s effect on me outside of the fact that he makes me feel warm in small moments and painfully seen in large ones.

I smile because she’s trying and she’s given me something. “I’d say I’d tell you when I make my decision, but something tells me you’ll know.”

She nods, expression shifting to something kind. “Goodnight, y/n.”

Jesper stretches out on the couch, settling himself comfortably, “Night, y/n.”

“Goodnight, guys.” I disappear past the door easily, heading towards my room.

I haven’t decided whether or not I’m going to look for Kaz tonight. How much damage could be done in one night? Maybe he needs space. Maybe seeking him out now will make things worse. I exhale, opening the door to my room easily. I’ll decide before going to sleep.

When I step into the room, everything is in place. Everything is fine--but something about it feels off. The light is on. I didn’t leave the light on. Nothing else raises any red flags, so I continue into the room calmly, examining everything carefully. Nothing feels out of place as I further enter the room. I take in my bed, my dresser, and lastly my nightstand.

My heart swells all over again, but this time it feels even heavier than before. On the center of my nightstand, in perfect condition, is a copy of Pride and Prejudice. The same book I told Kaz about, the one thing besides clothing I took from the palace. I told him it was my mother’s favorite and then he asked me to read it to him.

I can’t picture him seeing this and thinking of me. I can’t picture him thinking of me--but no one else knew about my attachment to the book. I need to find him. I need to--to see him, to speak to him. To look him in the eye and see something I only ever see when we’re alone. Maybe he won’t have that look this time, but that’s okay.

I can’t expect to always understand him, but that does not mean I don’t know him.

The thought leaves me feeling a little more settled within the boundaries of my skin, but I don’t ease entirely. The good is more frightening than the bad. My fear of happiness is a benign secret I haven’t had to worry about in years. I don’t know enough about it to know how to deal with it let alone mention it to Kaz. Not that it’s his problem.

I squeeze the book to my stomach. Swallowing pride is a difficult thing, but I’m used to it with him. It’s usually worth it with Kaz because sometimes when I try he tries in his own way. I should find him. He’s not awfully creative about where he goes when he wants to be alone because people know better than to bother him. Kaz is probably in his attic or getting air outside or…

The lights were on when I came in. I’m an idiot. I didn’t feel weird when I walked into the room because of the book. Someone’s in here. He’s in here.

Setting the book down like I should have never touched it, I let out a sigh. “Lurking is unbecoming.”

“It’s also unbecoming to work for me and be so easily distracted by a book.” His voice reveals nothing as he emerges from the shadows. “I could have killed you with how long it took for you to notice my presence.” He pauses, eyebrows drawing together. “The light was on.”

Normally I’d have some kind of comment, some kind of joke that offers a more peaceful situation. “I know.” It’s a flat response. “I think on some subconscious level I knew,” I drop my gaze away from him, “I knew I was okay.” That sounds dumb. “I mean...I think I knew it was you so I knew I was okay.” Yeah, that wasn’t anymore eloquent. “That doesn’t make sense, but if you get to be confusing, I do too.”

“Confusing? There’s nothing to understand.” Curt. Simple. Dismissive.

I frown. ‘Nothing to understand’. Right, because there’s nothing confusing about how quickly he decided to dismiss me just to bring me some obscenely sentimental gift. “If you’re mad at me, you should at least tell me why.” I press my lips together. “At least that way I’ll know if I need to apologize or kick your ass.”

At that, he presses his lips together, corner of his mouth threatening to tilt upwards. “You would kick my ass?”

Great, even when he’s easing he has to be annoying. “I could.” There is no universe in which I could take him in a physical fight. “On a good day.” I let out a breath, doing all I can to not focus on his expression. Awkwardness settles in my chest as my eyes land on my bed. I sit down, trying not to let my shoulders slump tiredly as I stretch my legs across my bed. “You’re not having a good day.”

“My day is fine, I’m just not naively cheerful like you,” his words turn sharp, “Or Jesper.”

Weird addition. “Jesper’s not cheerful, he’s just drunk.” I let go of the ‘naive’ part, deciding to focus on the bigger picture. “And I’m not as naive or joyful as you think I am.” I’m not sure if I mean that as a rebuttal or just a fact. “I have bad days too.” This isn’t the kind of conversation I should have while this tired. “I could be less cheerful if you’d like.”

He’s so silent I momentarily wonder if he’s left. “No.” It’s not much, but I take it. Straightening my back, I pull my legs beneath me, intentionally creating space. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ah, blatant rejection. It would sting if I was less in the right. “Maybe you’ll be less weird then.”

“I am not being weird.” At least I’m getting some kind of reaction from him. “You’re the one who--”

“Who what?” Finally--progress.

Kaz sighs, turning slightly. “You’re the one who decided to ignore me after we met with the contact.” I part my lips, ready to retort, but no words come. He did pick up on my slight annoyance, and he reciprocated it in a much larger way.

He can never know that this all came from some ridiculous, territorial--partial jealousy. “I didn’t mean to ignore you,” partial lie, “I’m just kind of in a weird place today, I’m tired.”

“Not too tired for Jesper, it seems.”

What? Is that what this is about? “What? All I did was sit there--he’s a touchy drunk and I just happened to be next to him.”

“You laugh with him,” he says this blankly, “You can touch him.”

The edge of unsafe territory cuts into me at an odd angle. Is this about him? Is he really tormenting himself over something so asinine to me when it comes to him? I’d rather have him than all the physical touch in the world. The book on the nightstand feels closer to me, growing by the prospect of its significance alone. That gesture, that’s more intimate than anything Jesper and I did downstairs.

“So?” I straighten my back slightly. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

He presses his lips together. “That’s the problem--anyone can manage meaningless contact…” The silence is louder than the words that came before it. Oh. I guess I’m not the only one who gets just a little jealous in an unwarranted way. “What if you were hurt? What if you were hurt and we were alone and you needed someone to help you and I couldn’t?” He lets out a sigh, a sound too tired for me to associate with him. “You say you don’t care now, but you’ll grow tired of it--the only life I can offer.”

Inej’s words about the similarities between Kaz and I echo in my mind. “Sometimes I don’t like when things are going well because I don’t know how to be truly content, fully happy.” Saying this twists my stomach. “I don’t know how to trust good things, so whenever there are good things I think about all the ways I could ruin something and then I do.” I take a breath. “I’m not saying that things are particularly good for you or that you’re happy, but I am saying that maybe you shouldn’t think three steps ahead when there’s nothing to think ahead about.” I regard his expression carefully, but nothing has changed. “I told you the only thing I want is to know you, and that’s not going to change.”

“Y/n,” his voice is low, “I am not rain--I can’t promise you anything.”

I scratch my knee, dropping my gaze. “For once I don’t want rain.”

Kaz sighs. “Get some sleep.” Something about the way he’s speaking is authoritative but it lacks any weight. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I frown freely, “Kaz--”

“You look tired,” he mumbles, “You need rest.” He’s using this as an excuse to escape his feelings, but he’s already given me more than I expected. Greed ruins things, but then again, so does selflessness. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“For the job?”

Something strange crosses his features as his expression teeters on shifting. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he repeats, a little more certain.

The response doesn’t satiate me. “Kaz--”

“I may not be the rain, but I’m capable of making promises as well.” There’s something final about the way he says this, but it doesn’t feel cruel.

Maybe I’d protest if my eyelids were less weighted. “Goodnight, Kaz.”

My head falls against the pillow. I’m not sure if he replies, too lost in the drawl of sleep before he can even close the door.

General taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #six of crows imagine #shadow and bone #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone show #my works #shadow and bone netflix #six of crows fic #soc imagine #soc fic #sab fic #kaz brekker imagine #grishaverse #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse x reader

209 notes · View notes

ninbayphua · 4 years ago

Text

八三夭《盗墓笔记》官方主题曲《所信非神》 That In Which I Believe In Is Not God - ENG SUBS

So this is the first time I've actually properly translated and subtitled a song 😂 I tried to keep to the original wording as much as I could but there are few places where it's kinda vague or where the wording is just too awkward so I went with meaning or my own interpretation of the lyrics instead. 👀

List of Interpretations

1. 与宿命论个主臣 in a word for word translation would be "debating with Fate who is the master and who is the servant" which basically means they're fighting over superiority.

2. 当自己不死之身 is a really interesting one because 当 has 2 different meanings depending on which intonation is being used and this isn't always clear in songs cuz intonations get kinda murky in singing. Anyways, 'dāng' means to pretend whereas 'dàng' means to pawn. Since I interpreted this song as both from Wu Xie's and Xiao Ge's POV I decided to include both potential interpretation in my subtitling. So it can either mean "pawning my immortality" in Xiao Ge's POV or "pretending I have an immortal body" in Wu Xie's case.

Song Overview (Wu Xie's & Xiao Ge's POV):

Ok I read the song as being from BOTH Wu Xie's and Xiao Ge's POV instead of just one but that's my personal interpretation @thosch3i covered most of Wu Xie's POV and my own interpretation of the lyrics are pretty similar so I'll elaborate from there. This is how the song goes for me:

I give you a look with lost innocence of days past and gone that's tucked away in forgetfulness. (This is without question Wu Xie speaking because of the play on words - Tian Zhen)

Let the sound of raindrops gloss over the unsolved questions, let the sharpest blade be sealed away for safekeeping in this instant when life is at its most peaceful (OK, this could be either Wu Xie or Xiao Ge speaking to the other because both of them have a lot of unsolved questions: Wu Xie still doesn't know what happened to his San Shu and Xiao Ge is still looking for answers to his past. Both Xiao Ge and Wu Xie have been referred to as the sharpest blade of the Nine Gates. In Wu Xie's case, it's when he lost his innocence and became 邪帝 in the Sha Hai era. Xiao Ge was shaped to be a weapon ever since he was a baby stolen from his mother so it goes without saying he is the sharpest blade of the Nine Gates. (There's a saying that Wu Xie ended up becoming like Xiao Ge and Li Cu becoming like Wu Xie during his Tian Zhen era which I think is a pretty accurate reading but a discussion for another time.) Basically, regardless of which of them that's speaking they're telling the other to let go of all the questions tormenting them and sealing away the past and the way they've been conditioned to become a weapon for the Nine Gates and just live peacefully in Rain Village from now on - I'm assuming this is post Sha Hai.

My death, my life, it's not up to the ghosts and gods to intervene (Honestly, this can be either Wu Xie or Xiao Ge depending. Both are very stubborn and don't believe in leaving things up to fate.)

a wait of ten years, I've long since stopped smiling, stopped crying, stopped feeling pain, challenging fate to see who is superior (This could be Xiao Ge but I read it as more Wu Xie because of Qin Hao's line in Sha Hai when Hei Ye said "I still feel a bit of pain from time to time" and Wu Xie just straight up said "I've stopped feeling pain a long time ago".)

Pawning my immortality / Pretending I have an immortal body, to leave for you a gateway of life, this life was not in vain. (This is probably my favourite line of the song because is so freakin beautifully written? The reason there's an either or translation for the line I've explained above so we're just gonna do meta here. OK so in Xiao Ge's POV he went to guard the Bronze Gates in Wu Xie's stead to protect him so he could live a happy life. Essentially he is exchanging his immortality for Wu Xie's life because it was initially Wu Xie's fate to guard the Bronze Gates and he'd probably die in the process. Xiao Ge's immortality for Wu Xie having a life of happiness and innocence is worth it to him. He is using his immortality in exchange for a way for Wu Xie to live by going behind those gates. Remember that line: 用我一生换你十年天真无邪 my life in exchange for ten years of your innocence? That's basically what I think they're referring to. The reversed applies. It's Xiao Ge's responsibility to keep the Wang clan in check. Since Xiao Ge sacrificed himself so Wu Xie could live the life he wanted, Wu Xie decided to do the same for Xiao Ge by getting rid of the Wangs completely so Xiao Ge could be free to live the life he wanted when he exited the gates. Wu Xie wasn't trained like Xiao Ge nor did he have an immortal body like the Zhangs or had their self healing and magical qilin blood but he will pretend that he has all of those and take on the Wangs , wiping them out to give Xiao Ge a way out of being used by the Nine Gates again when he exits the gates, giving him a chance to live the life he wants. Even if he knows he could potentially die doing this, it's still worth it to him. Remember that line after Xiao Ge's: 只愿尽我一世无邪换你百载浅笑无忧 emptying all of my entire life's innocence in exchange for a hundred years of your easy smiles and lack of worries? That's what I think the song is referring to.)

Not even for a day in my entire life have I ever believed in ghosts or gods, but I spent ten years believing in one person. Even if the world is too cold, there is still your lingering warmth in my heart, I'll still rush into the journey, no matter how unfathomable the wasteland or perilous the path, never questioning whether it's fortune or calamity. Honestly, in my entire life, I've never believed in gods, only believed in them. (This can be both Xiao Ge and Wu Xie because the only person Xiao Ge believes in is Wu Xie - and Pang Zi. Vice versa, the only person Wu Xie believes in is Xiao Ge - and Pang Zi. None of them believe in fate or ghosts or gods but they believe in each other and only each other. Wu Xie is Xiao Ge's only connection in the world - thus the lingering warmth in my hear bit - and I'm pretty sure Xiao Ge also holds a special spot in Wu Xie's heart during the Sha Hai era when he becomes a hardened man. We see that flash of Tian Zhen softness when he's talking to Li Cu about Xiao Ge and Pang Zi. He even admits at the time that he has an obsession: to pick up Xiao Ge when he exits the Bronze Gates and take him home. Also, PingXie is constantly rushing head first into danger for one another? Even Pang Zi made a comment on this in Ultimate Note after the sword gifting ceremony that when Xiao Ge lost his memories, Wu Xie accompanies him on his journey and helps him look for his lost memories; when Wu Xie is in danger or gets into trouble in his obsessive search for answers and his San Shu, Xiao Ge comes to his rescue. Even in Reunion, Xiao Ge says he'll follow Wu Xie on his journey to Thunder City in search of answers and his San Shu. Neither of them ever question whether it is fortune or calamity that will befall them on these journeys. They'll go through hell fire and high waters for each other regardless of consequences.)

Exchanging gazes, in it are new sprouts of innocence, all old hatred tossed and tucked away in forgetfulness. (Xiao Ge talking about Wu Xie - post Sha Hai, now that Xiao Ge is back and Wu Xie isn't emo anymore, we see a bit of his Tian Zhen coming back, Xiao Ge can probably see it too. The edges aren't gone but there are now some softness growing back. There are new sprouts of innocence in Wu Xie's eyes again.)

But there are still spirits to drink together, and extra cigarettes enough to share, if there's us and the rest of our lives, then it is the greatest of good dreams. That in which I believe in is not a god. Entrusting my life and soul to you with a smile on the wretched battlefield, even the gods of death themselves must submit under the sword, the world has too many uncertainties, only this is the sole surety. But even the sharpest blade is also mere flesh and blood, I wish to give him affection and to let him rest and recuperate. (This can be either Wu Xie or Xiao Ge referring to their retired life in Rain Village that having just us - the iron triangle - as well as the rest of our lives then it's the best dream come true they could wish for. Also, Wu Xie and Xiao Ge's only belief is in each other but neither sees the other as a god. Wu Xie is unarguably human and Wu Xie sees Xiao Ge as human instead of a weapon or a god so it works both ways. Both Wu Xie and Xiao Ge are considered to be the sharpest blades of the Nine Gates with a tendency to go against fate and death. In Xiao Ge's case even death must bow its head under his sword and abide by his rule whereas in Wu Xie's case he himself is the sword so to speak and that he has defied death so many times as well as planned the death of the Wangs that in a way, death is under his control and has to do this bidding. I think it's also referring to the saying 麒麟一笑，阎王绕道；天真一笑，麒麟开道 when the qilin - a.k.a Xiao Ge - smiles even the lord of the underworld will make a detour to avoid his path; a smile of innocence - when Tian Zhen a.k.a Wu Xie smiles - the qilin clears the way. Not sure if this was in the original books or if it's just a comment made by fans online or by NPSS during interviews but it's pretty legit interpretation in my opinion. PingXie is each other's only constant in a world of uncertainties and they see the other as a human, not a god or weapon/blade to be used for the Nine Gates. I think after Sha Hai when Xiao Ge exits the Bronze Gates both are so wounded and scarred that they want to do is to give the other affection and for them to rest and recuperate from what they've suffered in those 10 years and more.)

Even a lifetime as a god, there can also be a moment, a minute of being an ordinary human. (Wu Xie referring to Xiao Ge that even though he has lived as a god for his entire life, there are still brief moments where he too can be an ordinary human. Xiao Ge is just an ordinary human, just like Wu Xie and Pang Zi.)

Anyways, sorry about the long post but that's about it I think. I'll add on if I ever think about anything in the future. Hope this post was helpful 😂

#盗墓笔记 grave robbers' chronicles #瓶邪 pingxie #张起灵 zhang qi ling #吴邪 wu xie #ninbayphua 墨彦 #song lyrics translation and subtitling #meta

42 notes · View notes

1a-imagines · 5 years ago

Text

A knights promise (part 2)

(Knight!Midoriya x reader)

↬Warnings: smut

↬Summary: After finally running away so you can be together, you find travelling isn't as easy or fun as you first thought. Luckily you have someone to take your mind off it.

↬A/n: This is day 18 of the Izumonth collab! You can find the collab post here.

This is a part 2 if you want to read part 1 you can find that here! But honestly, this one is mostly just smut so i guess you don’t really need to read part one. It just gives a bit more insight into their relationship and goals.

Also the art is mine, I'm really nervous to post my art, especially since its kinda old art and my style has changed a lot, so I don't love it. But I drew this awhile back and thought it would go well with this fic since its fantasy izuku. Anyway! Hope you enjoy ^^

↬↬↬↬↬↬↬↬↬↬

You shuffled closer to Izuku's side, half hiding behind him, hoping his body would act as a shield against all the wildlife.

Izuku couldn’t help but chuckle at the way your nose crinkled up at the new environment.

"Have the forests always been so-..." you paused thinking of the right word to say. "disgusting?” you asked as you stepped around yet another puddle of sludge. Your hands tightened around his arm. The forest was indeed a beautiful sight from the palace windows, but now you were trudging through mud and wet grass, your boots already caked in dirt, it wasn't as enchanting as you thought it would be.

Izuku gave your hands a light pat. “I know you’re not used to these conditions yet, but I think you're overreacting a bit, princess. It’s just a bit of mud.” He giggled at your sour expression. Truth be told he expected you would be a lot more enthusiastic about the whole situation, finally having freedom, getting to date him without worry, travelling to far off kingdoms and learning new things. You had always dreamed of such a life.

Though it seemed you never thought through the possibility that not everything would be easy and perfect.

"Still, had I have known it would've been this bad I would've brought bigger boots." You muttered. So far this whole 'adventuring' thing has had its ups and downs, like yesterday when you both found that hidden waterfall, the water was sparkling in the sun, vines the trees hung low to keep it hidden as flowers bloomed around the edge of the lake. It was lovely, you both got to splash around in the sun, make a campfire and sit under the stars when night came. It was amazing! One of the most beautiful nights of your life in fact. However, walking through blank fields filled with nothing but muddy sludge wasn't so magical.

A yelp escaped your throat when you were suddenly lifted into the air. You instinctively wrapped your arms around Izuku’s neck as he carried your bridal style. With raised eyebrows you turned to the man who held you in his arms. "What are you doing?" You asked Izuku who grinned in response, "The mud is bothering you right? And as your knight it's my job to protect you even from nature!" He declared, you couldn’t help but smile at him.

"You're not technically my knight anymore, I ran away, remember? So I'm not royalty." While his logic confused you, you weren't about to complain that you were his arms. "I'll always be your knight, royalty or not, I'm always going to protect you." His smile melted your heart, like the sun beaming down on an ice cream cone.

You pressed your flushed face into his shoulder, deciding not to reply. He looked so determined there was no way you would win this argument.

He carried you for hours, and with every step he took guilt stacked another brick onto your heart. Weren't you getting heavy for him. Surely he must be getting tired? He was strong, no doubt. He had trained sith the royal guards, as well as in his spare time, for years! But carrying another human in your arms for hours!? Even the strongest of men would tire eventually.

Catching your eyes he smiled at you, silently reassuring you that he was ok. You purse your lips in response, not believing him, you had already asked him countless times if he was tired, you had told him he could put you down whenever he wanted, but it seemed like he was pretty content with you in his arms.

The more he walked the denser the forest grew. It was a nice day, the sun's light caressing your skin in the best of ways, the breeze brought a refreshing chill every now and then, you could have fallen asleep in his arms then and there. "I don't think we're going to make it to the next down by sundown.." He muttered, shaking his head with a sigh.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have carried me so far, we left the muddy field hours ago and you still won't put me down." You giggled, playfully poking his cheek with your finger. . He blinked, a blush coating his cheeks. "I-I just like holding you!"

He was indulging in the fact he no longer had to hide his love and affection for you, carrying his princess in his arms was just another way to show the outside world who you belonged to, despite having passed no people at all. It was more for his own satisfaction.

"There's a cave over there! We can rest there for tonight!" Your voice snapped him from his thoughts. Your finger pointed out to a lake with a waterfall. It was hard to see but there was a small, circular, opening in the rocks of the cliff. "Good find!" He smiled at you as you jumped from his arms and hurried towards the cave, you wanted to make sure it would be safe enough to sleep in tonight. Izuku pouted as you ran off, already missing the warmth your body provided.

He followed you into the cave, it wasn't big

but it was dry and would keep you hidden from the dangers the night brought. "This will do for tonight, from the looks of the clouds over the mountains it's going to rain soon and we don't want to be stuck outside when it does. That would mean more mud." He grinned at you, nudging you with his elbow. You flushed at the jab he made and turned your head away.

What a tease.

You both took off your bags and placed your items down, Izuku went off to collect sticks to make a fire and you began to roll out your sleeping bags. You kicked away all the stones and dirt before placing them down next to each other. You made sure there was enough room for the campfire, you weren't working with a whole lot of space and the last thing you needed was for your beds to catch fire.

You finished your task relatively quickly and decided to walk outside to the lake's edge. There was a small pathway around the water leading to your cave. It was narrow, meaning you both had to shuffle along sideways to get in and out of the cave,

but it also meant the likelihood of others finding or walking into your cave was very slim.

You took your shoes off at the entrance of the cave and sat down, dipping your feet and lower calves into the water. You closed your eyes and leaned back onto your hands, taking in all the sounds of nature. The rusting of tree leaves, the calls of birds singing with each other, the sloshing of the water as you gently kicked your legs.

Izuku found you peacefully becoming one with nature, a smile made its way to his lips. He figured it would be hard for you to adjust to such a big lifestyle change, going from silk sheets and servants tending to your every need to sleeping bags and having to fend for yourself wouldn't be easy for everyone. You certainly struggled with some of it but at times like this, when you were soaking in the sun, and allowing your surroundings to bring you peace he couldn't help but feel pride for you.

You were doing your best to enjoy this new lifestyle, no matter how much of a shock to your system it was.

He left you alone for now and got to setting up the fire, it took about ten minutes to get the fire going, just in time for thunder to roar from over the mountain tops, a cry of war directed to nature.

You walked back into the cave to avoid being caught in it. Izuku handed you some fruit to snack on, he wished he could offer you a nice meal but when travelling, it wasn't that easy.

“Stop pulling that face.” You said as you took the apple from him, and took a bite.

He blinked, looking up to meet your eyes. “W-what?” You frowned, sitting down beside him, the fire crackling before you both as raindrops began to fall from the sky outside. "You keep pulling that face, as though you're afraid you're not doing good enough."

You could read him like an open book. Granted he never tried to hide his feelings from you. He just wanted to make you happy, you must be so used to your lavish lifestyle, but now you're stuck trudging around in mud and living off apples for every meal. He looked down at the ground, his lips parted as he tried to speak but no words came.

"You already know why I left, but allow me to remind you." You flicked his forehead, a way to get him to look back at you. He frowned, rubbing the sore spot on his head. "I left because I want to be with you, no matter where we are. Whether I'm sitting in a palace eating a piping hot meal or in a cave eating an apple. None of that matters to me, what matters is that I have you by my side." Your hand came up to his cheek, the pad of your thumb brushing over his red cheek.

He half smiled at you, there was still some uncertainty despite your words. However, he wouldn’t be Izuku if he wasn't always worrying over all the little details. You chose to be with him, and he was determined to give you the best life possible. Even if he had his worries he always appreciated you trying to reassure him. He was so lucky to have someone like you in his life, someone willing to give up everything for him. He silently vowed to give you the rest of his life in return. He nuzzled into your hand, pressing it closer to his face. “I love you.” he whispered.

“I love you too.” You smiled, brushing some hair from his eyes before moving in as he did to join your lips in a sweet kiss.

What was meant to be a reassuring peck quickly turned into tongues dancing and hands fumbling. A kiss that stole your breath away. Your hands trailed from his cheeks, down his neck to place on his shoulders. He shivered at your feather-like touches that glided across his skin. His hands pulled you forward by your waist bringing you to his chest.

Your head titled as his did, deepening the kiss. You hummed as his tongue traced over your lips, desperate to feel more of you. You parted your lips, getting up on your knees, never breaking the kiss, and shuffling forward until you were close enough to straddle his lap. He felt him smile into the kiss when you sat on him, like he had gotten his way. His skin was already tingling despite the layers of clothes in the way.

Your fingers tangled into his hair, tugging at the locks, wordlessly begging for more. He got the hint, his hands pushing under your shirt and taking it off in one movement. His scarred hands began tracing shapes into your back as you began gasping for air. He pulled back from your lips, teeth gently tugging at your lip as he did so.

When you looked into his eyes you saw them burning with desire and that alone was enough to send a pool of heat to your core. He moved forward again, lip connecting to your neck, his hot breath fanned against your skin sending shivers down your spine, a small hum escaping your lips as you pulled his head closer.

He left marks all over your neck and collarbone, sucking and nibbling at your soft skin. He soon trailed down to your chest as he unclasped your bra and moved it aside. His eager lips attached to your breast, and while his mouth began to suck on your sensitive buds, playing and groping with the mounds of fat as his hands rolled your hips forward. A groan echoed through the cave when he felt your clit grinding against his growing erection. You moaned, taking the hint and grinding against him creating a heated friction between you. The way you hugged him closer, begging for more, how your hips desperately rolled forward to feel more of him, it turned him on so much he could feel the blood rushing to his throbbing cock.

He pulled away from your breasts, his hands fumbled with your pants. He did take a second to catch his breath as he pulled your pants off leaving you only in panties. He took a second to admire your body, hands caressing up and down your sides as his eyes drank you in. "Gods… you're so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?" He smiled, pressing a loving peck to your bare shoulder. He was always so sappy, even now when you were grinding against him.

You smiled, pressing a kiss to his cheek and yanking on his hair. You were desperate to feel more of him, you needed him. He got the hint and pulled off his own pants, throwing them to the side before taking off his shirt. You looked over his scars, pressing kisses to a few of them.

Once you were both rid of all the clothes that kept you apart, he picked you up bridal style, carrying you over to the fur sleeping bags. He lay you down, coaxing your legs apart so he could get between them, your lips locked again, your naked bodies rubbed together, it felt so much better without the clothes in between. He moaned, getting up onto his knees and fisting his hard cock in his hand.

He gave you an expecting look and you crawled forward. You sat back on your knees when you reached him, looking up at him through your lashes, pupils dilated. He smiled down at you, one hand petting your hair as the tip of his cock traced around your lips. "Open up, princess." He whispered and you obeyed.

He pushed his hips forward until his ball hit your chin, tears peaking at the corner of your eyes as you swallowed his length, the tip hitting the back of your throat. He wiped them away for you, "Suck on it for me princess." He muttered breathlessly.

Your tongue circled around the tip, the salty taste of pre cum hitting your taste buds. You bobbed your head up and down, impatience making your actions erratic. He breathed out, eyes sliping close as he marvelled in the feeling of your hot mouth around his aching cock. It took everything in him not to start thrusting forward into your mouth, but he didn't want to hurt you.

You grabbed onto his hips for better leverage, quickening your pace. Saliva began to drip from your mouth, onto your bouncing tits. "Mhh, yeah, just like that baby." You removed one hand from his side and slipped it between your legs, his loud moans and words of praise were too much for you, your ever growing heat needed to be tended to.

Izuku opened his eyes to see where your hand had gone, and upon seeing you pleasuring yourself as you sucked on his member got too overwhelming. His head went back, toes curling as he inhaled a sharp breath. "P-princess i'm going to cum!" he let out a strangle moan, his body curling forward as he released his hot seed into your mouth. He panted as you pulled away, cum covered your lips. Your tongue poked out to lick up every drop as you stared deep into his eyes.

His lips parted at the sight of you greedily lapping up his cum. You smiled at his reaction before laying back down on the sleeping bag. He smiled back, crawling over your body. You were far from done.

He connected his lips back to yours, noses clumsily bumping together, he could taste himself on your tongue, it boosted his ego. Your hips began to rock against his, your slick coating his cock as it slipped between your folds. You sighed into the kiss, grabbing at his hair and neck to pull him closer.

His lips started to trail back down your body, this time going further than your breasts. He kissed his way down your stomach, soon his face was between your legs, he could feel your heat, see your dripping arousal. He licked his lips, squeezing your thigh before diving forward. His tongue pushed inside your hole, lapping up your juices, his nose buried deep into your clit.

You gasped, back arching and toes curling when your aching core finally had some attention. He moaned at your taste, sending vibrations down your spine. Your beautiful noises of pleasure bounced off the walls of the cave. Neither of you had to be quiet anymore, there were no guards, no servants, not even family to be careful of, and he wanted to hear you scream out his name.

"Fuck! p-please. Just fill me up already." You mewled. He looked up at you with a grin, pulling away from you as he licked his lips. You'd never seen such an animalistic look in his eyes. It was like a lion stalking in on his prey.

He got onto his knees, grabbing your hips and pulling your forward. He pressed the tip of his cock to your clit, teasingly rubbing it up and down, slapping it a few times. You whined at his teasing before finally pressing it into your hole.

You simultaneously released low groans. Your hands grabbed at the fabric of the sleeping bags as his fingers dug into your hips. A trapped sigh escaped his lips once he was fully in. He gave you a few seconds to adjust as he put your legs over his shoulders and leaned forward so he could grab and hold one of your hands.

"M-move- fuck~ please!" You moaned. He didn't need to be told twice. He began to pound into you without hesitation. Each thrust of his hips made you whimper and whine, you squeezed his hand as the heat in your core grew.

"Mmh~ you're taking me so well. G-Good girl." He whispered, his hips quickening at the sound of your squelching pussy. He moaned, his cock going sliding into deep. As much as his body wanted to throw his head back he fought to keep it forward. He didn't want to miss a second of your expression. You looked so beautiful, your hair falling around your head like some sort of halo. The way you bit your lip, your eyes rolling back as those blissful, slutty moans left your parted lips.

It was all too perfect.

He took his hand from yours, sitting up and changing the position. He bent you over, ass in the air and your glistening pussy on display for him. He moaned at the sight before slipping back inside of you. His hands clamped down on your waist, pulling you back into him. It was so much faster, harder, you were both screaming out in pleasure at the new position. His cock reached new places.

You rolled your hips against him, eyes rolling back into your head as you desperately grabbed for something to hold onto, fearing that you were already about to come undone around him. You felt his hands rub at your ass cheeks, his eyes admiring how perfectly round and plump they were.

He leaned over your body, chest against your back, one hand holding him up as the other moved around to your swollen clit. He drilled into you as his fingers rubbed circles into your clit. His lips leaving small kisses to your bare shoulder in between his moans.

"Oh.. oh, Y/n~ princess." He panted into your ear. "Are you ready to be filled?" He asked, nuzzling your neck with his nose. His toes were digging into the floor as he felt his throbbing cock ach for release. He wanted to stuff you full of his cum as you screamed out his name.

You nodded, moaning out a string of yes's. You pushed your hips back, keeping up with his lightning speed, your breasts bouncing with each thrust. He closed his eyes, back arching as he felt his hot ropes of cum spill inside of you as you cried out his name, your juices spilling over his hand. Your body curled in on itself as the pleasure washed over you.

He fucked you through your orgasms, only pulling out when his cock had stopped twitching.

You both collapsed onto the fur. He wasted no time pulling you into his arms, hand moving around to massage your hips as he always did. You did your best to ignore the feeling of his cum slipping out of you and dripping onto your thigh.

With a light kiss to your forehead he pulled you to lay on his chest. "You ok, princess?"

You giggled at his concern. "We've done this so many times now and you still worry about hurting me?" His face flushed red, eyes turning away to look at the pouring rain outside the cave. "I-I would never want to hurt you." He confessed.

You took his face into your hand, turning him to look at you. You pressed a kiss to his lips and lay your head back down. "It was amazing as always. Don't worry."

He nodded, both of you laying in silence for a while as you enjoyed the sounds of nature. The calming sounds of rain showering down from the sky, the cackling of the fire that kept you both warm. It was so peaceful. There were no other people in sight, no guards, royals, townspeople. It was just you two, alone, how you both had always wanted it to be.

"You never told me what your mom said when you told her we were leaving." You turned to face him again, resting your chin on his shoulder. His hand ran through your locks absentmindedly.

"She was happy for us. She said she was glad i was following my heart, that i found someone who loves me enough to give up everything they have just to be with me." He smiled, recalling her reaction. "All she asks is that we come back to visit every now and then, and when we eventually find a good home to settle down in, we have to send her a letter telling her our whereabouts so she can come visit us too."

You smiled, it would be so nice to have her visit your home, to be able to cook for her for once. She always took good care of you whenever you went to visit. You couldn't wait to return the favour. "That sounds nice doesn't it?"

He hummed in agreement, the image of you both living in a cottage, somewhere in the forest. Not too far from civilisation but enough to have your own space. No one to bother you, everyday would be peaceful. You could have spare rooms for guests. Maybe a family and pets someday.

"Yeah, that sounds amazing." He smiled, looking at you. His one and only princess, his first and only love.

He couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with you.

274 notes · View notes

im-the-punk-who · 4 years ago

Text

----

@rnmmarchformeta Day 1: Tonight’s theme is: Themes

Malex and Music: Tracing a relationship through music used in the show - Part 1

----

Given that both Michael and Alex have a personal connection to music, I wanted to go over some of the intricacies of what the music choices and lyrics/stories behind the songs used might tell us about Malex. The music choices in Roswell New Mexico are deliberate and often incredibly pointed. Particularly in the case of Michael and Alex there are elements of their relationship that are not so much underlined as written about only in the lyrical choices that play under their scenes. This choice for me made rewatching the series a lot of fun because as I discovered the lyrics to some of the more obscure song choices I kept discovering new intricacies and motivations for each of their decisions. Below the cut for length.

(Author’s note circa 2007: (rawr xD) I’m focusing specifically on the parts of these songs that play over or in direct correlation to scenes where Michael and Alex are both present. I would love to explore this theme in the wider context of the whole show and how their interactions with other characters might change some of these but...this is already like 6k and that’s just how the peas and carrots cooked. That said I will be referencing other characters and relationships as relevant, particularly, I will be talking at some length about Milexa and the airstream scenes in 2x06. I personally have a favorable reading of the scenes and what they mean for Michael and Alex. I also talk briefly about Milexa in a few other spots - they’ve been marked as ‘Milexa’ or ‘Miluca’ if you wish to skip them, although I don’t know if this will make sense as a whole without them. But, should you wish. Proceed accordingly. <3)

----

Posted on AO3 here.

Sedona - Houndstooth (1x01)

The first song we hear in relation to Malex is ‘Sedona’ by Houndstooth. The song plays during the reunion as we see Alex confront Michael about the chemicals found around his airstream. The verse that plays underneath the scene references how, due to its scenic beauty, the town of Sedona was once a highly sought after filming location but had fallen into obscurity when cowboy movies went out of style in the late 70′s.

Similarly, Alex tells Michael that he is ‘wasting his life.’

“Does the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old for you?”

“Did it get old for you?”

For me, this scene is as much an introduction to the past between these two as their present. Gone but not forgotten, their interactions are a ‘script’ that the two of them play off of. In other words, Michael and Alex don’t so much interact as play off of what the other expects from the other. This becomes especially clear when in 2x05 we learn that Alex has at least once before warned Michael about ‘wasting his life.’

When The Truth Hunts You Down - Sam Tinnesz (1x01)

The next scene is this one, in which we see Alex contemplating an old picture of himself. We then see Michael watching him.

Later, the last line is overlaid with Jesse telling Kyle about the existence of aliens.

The truth about Michael’s alienness is quiet literally hunting them, but so is something about Alex’s past. As we get to know him, we learn just how much his father is interconnected with all of the worst moments in his life and everrything he has buried and tried to run from in order to avoid it. Michael, Roswell itself - Alex ran halfway across the world to try to run away from the trauma of his youth, and yet here he is.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?”

“You know I thought when I got back from Iraq you would be long gone.”

“Is that what you want?”

“We’re not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.”

We also find out something of the nature of his and Michael’s relationship and that there are clearly still feelings between them - no matter how much Alex is trying to deny it.

Give Me The Night - Des Rocs (1x02)

This is one of my personal faves from the Malex soundtracks. It just *slaps* okay?

Aside from the obvious nod to Michael’s alienness, this song underscores the divide still between Michael and Alex despite the passionate kiss they shared at the reunion. Michael is initially flirtatious and full of swagger - until Alex shuts him down.

The fallacy of Alex’s rebuke and his dismissal of the feelings behind the kiss are underscored by his refusal to even look Michael in the eye as they talk. Even if he tries to deny them, the truth of his feelings hunts and haunts him because he feels he can never act on his own desires. And in turn when presented with the about face, Michael turns bitter as the push-pull is reinitiated. Michael falls back to the script they’ve been rehashing to save his feelings - ‘puts on a show’ as it were, and Alex falls for it hook, line, and sinker. He is still unwilling or unable to see the truth that lies beneath the surface.

“Isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”

“A historical - oh you mean because the UFO crashed here? Yeah, we’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop either.”

For Michael, who at least to me was obviously hoping things would change this time around, this must feel like a bucket of cold water, especially in the face of Liz Ortecho’s knowledge and seeming easy acceptance of the aliens’ existence. While Max might get his happy ending, Michael is left to keep hiding from the person he loves, never being seen and wondering if Alex’s feelings are even real.

Two Princes - Spin Doctors (1x02) (Miluca)

In rapid fire we have the next three songs as Michael and Alex spend some time at the Wild Pony. This verse plays under the interaction when Alex comes in the bar and spots Michael.

“Though he got kinda hot. In a ‘sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mama’ kind of way.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

My boy. My child. My bluntest instrument in the tool kit. Has no one ever told Alex Manes that saying you hadn’t noticed an objectively hot guy is hot is basically code for ‘I haven’t stopped staring at him since I walked in and my brain is not functioning at a high enough level to mask that fact’? Son, please, this is a drunk Wendy’s.

(Also this is huge foreshadowing for Miluca - Michael and Maria don’t have sex *in* a truck but it’s pretty close, we find out later that Michael/the aliens smell like rain, and she tells him he’s not meeting her mother at one point. The angle of this shot is also, for me at least, a hint that Michael is going to become the object of these two ‘princes’ affections, at some point.)

Anyway this is basically poking fun at Alex Manes, repressed disaster, for having no clue what love is and trying to express his affection through like, everything except anything anyone would understand as romantic love. (And we will see this in the flashbacks as well as present day - that Alex mostly uses his station or advantages as a way to show the people he loves he loves them, rather than using words. When he offers Michael the shed, brings him the guitar, uses his military connections to find out about Michel’s mom, hacks into Maria’s computer...listen I got more.) But that isn’t enough, as we’re learning. If only there were some way Alex could also learn that lesson.

And seriously, “This one said he wants to buy you rockets?”

How’s It Going To Be? - Stephen Edwards (1x02)

“Is there really nobody in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save? Sad.”

Oh Isobel, if only you knew.

So, aside from returning the kiss Michael initiated at the reunion, Alex has soundly rejected every advance Michael has made for a relationship. Despite that Michael seems to have been harboring some hope that things might be different not that Alex is back more permanently. But now with Isobel bringing into question what he’s willing to sacrifice, I think he might be realizing that toll has been extremely steep already.

(Also truly obsessed with how both Alex and Michael have positioned themselves so that they can casually glance over at each other without arousing suspicion. *Boys*. It’s not that complicated what is this middle school?)

We know that Michael doesn’t like having to keep secrets, and again I have to wonder if he’s regretting not telling Alex he’s an alien, or wondering how that conversation would have gone.

From the previous scenes we can tell something in their relationship is coming to a head - maybe Michael is hoping it’s that he can finally stop keeping secrets from Alex and show Alex who he really is - that Alex will stop misreading him. That Alex will change.

But there is also the expectation that if that happens, Alex will likely leave again. Not just because that’s what Alex’s trauma makes him do, but also because that is how Michael frames all of his relationships. As ‘until you leaves’. He is shown to have a habit of catastrophizing because he doesn’t believe himself to ‘belong’ anywhere(HA) and this is one of those times we’re shown that.

Come With Me - Gold Star (1x02)

“Home can be a person.”

And here we have Alex “thinking about who he was” as Maria closes up the bar. Given where this scene leads with him and Michael, I think the rest of the lyrics to the song are incredibly poignant.

Tell me what were you dreaming? Tell me who were you trying to reach? Gimme something real to believe in Or gimme a reason to leave So i left her standing under shining stars in the Silver moonlight by old Borough Hall - whoever you are

We know that after this evening Alex attempts to rekindle his relationship with Michael, still thinking about who he was, and maybe for the first time trying not to run from what he wants. He’ll be unsuccessful this time, but it’s the first clue that Alex is attempting to break a pattern that has held him in place for ten years.

While he may have been misreading Michael’s stunted growth, we’re starting to see Alex contemplate change in himself. This is the start of Alex’s two season long journey to break out of the fortress he’s built around himself. To ‘put his weapons down’ in an effort to be with Michael.

(She lets her guard down on her way back//to close her eyes and fall asleep - “It was late....I was tired.”)

God of Wine - Third Eye Blind

So clearly the writers were like ‘how can we hurt Milo specifically’ because these lyrics are *so good* as we hear malex talk about the way they view their relationship for the first time in the show.

The music starts just as Michael picks up the old photographs, first of the pod squad, then of himself and Alex playing guitars in the desert. As he packs up the airstream to move it off Foster’s Ranch, Michael is also thinking about the past.

Throughout the series, we’re given a bunch of musical lines about how Michael and Alex can’t go back to what they were, that they have to move forward. And it’s true - as we’ll see over and over again the dynamic they’ve had has been incredibly unhealthy for both of them. But they also cannot avoid the other’s orbit. And when Alex comes to talk to Michael it’s the first time we see him actually decide to initiate - to try and take what he himself wants, rather than waiting or hiding from it. But it is also very much Alex falling back into the ‘madness that holds a truth he can’t erase’ of Michael’s really, very, super, incredibly obvious feelings for him. Our boy is not subtle.

But Alex is still hunted by the past - before we know his history we assume that when Alex references ‘who he was before he went to war’ he means Iraq. But Alex’s war is his father. As much as combat can absolutely be a traumatizing experience, for Alex I never really read that as his main source. As he’ll tell Forrest later - “My PTSD triggers are a little more complicated”.

And so when he tells Michael he’s been thinking about who he was “before he went to war” for me that’s more a callback to who he was before Jesse found the two of them in the toolshed. “When this started.”

As Michael tells him “From where I stand nothing’s changed” the words “I know, I know, I know” repeat in the background because WE KNOW. We all know, except Alex.

“And that’s a problem for me, Guerin.”

And the siren’s song that is your madness

“Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen all over again.”

holds a truth I can’t erase

“- and I forget that the last ten years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again. And it almost kills me every time.”

All alone on your face

“I never look away. Not really.”

For Michael this is basically confirmation of what he’s been realizing over the last few days - that Alex has been totally misreading him and that yes, Michael, you’re going to have to use your words on this one.

To which we see Alex’s brain 404-blue-screen for a minute as he realizes what Michael means. Which I personally really appreciate.

And especially since we’ve just learned that a lyric of this song was written on Rosa’s hand the night she died, I can’t believe it’s a coincidence in this being the song that plays underneath this scene - where Alex says he was thinking about who he was before. Everything changed that day for everyone - including Michael and Alex. Michael had gained a terrible secret he couldn’t share, that meant he changed his whole life and started needing to hide and lie and act out, and Alex - not knowing the truth - assumed that it was Michael’s way of trying to push him away and end the relationship. Which leads to the decades long miscommunication of Alex seeing Michael do that over and over again.

For the last ten years, Alex has been seeing Michael as the boy who looks away, then looks back. A Michael whose focus shifts to and away from him and who he sees as wasting his life; directionless and aimless. But as he realizes what Michael is saying he has to recalibrate everything he’s thought their relationship is.

This is possibly the first time Alex has realized that his view of Michael has been wrong. That he really doesn’t know Michael at all.

And we know this interaction has a profound impact on Alex in terms of how he views their relationship. I feel like this is one of those things that becomes a mantra for Alex, later down the line. He repeats it to Michael at Caulfield, and in his song as well, “You never looked away, now I won’t look away” to express his commitment to breaking down the walls he has built up for himself.

Even though we know the relationship is doomed at this point, it’s the first time a stone falls from the walls Alex has built around himself in a decade.

Here - Chance Peña - 1x03 (Alternate title: “Home”)

Okay I would like to petition to make it illegal to have unreleased songs in episodes, Chance Peña help a bitch out. I had to watch a *fish show* to hear the full lyrics because they’re edited in the show! ( I will also note the next lyric is ‘goodbye, my dear’ which. rude.)

Anyway, we’re given these lyrics as Michael wakes up to seeing Alex has stayed the night. I took the editing, with the previous song choices, to be a reaffirmation of this being something new to Alex, but not necessarily to Michael. Michael knows what he wants from a relationship with Alex - even if he’s put the hope aside from time to time the want is always clear.

For Alex though, a relationship with Michael is something that scares him because of his fear that it can be taken away. (”I just thought that I could be happy, and not be afraid that if I loved anything my dad would destroy it.”) He is trying to make it work - “drawing near” to Michael - but he knows that in order to do that he is going to need to be uncomfortable. To face the fears that have held him back and kept him in comfortable limbo for so long.

I’m also going to flail about how, while RNM has the song listed as ‘Here’, the producer of the other show(Battlefish) identified the song as ‘Home’. I hope I don’t have to yell at y’all, other Roswell New Mexico fans, about how often that word has snuck up on me and knifed me in the back regarding malex. Especially since Alex *is* currently - well, here. With his home. Kill me please it would be kinder.

But then of course we see the old insecurities pop up again as Isobel arrives. Even if he is trying - Alex is nowhere near ready to jump out of the closet yet.

Fast Aint Good Enough - Inkwell Echo (1x06)

I debated adding this one because it’s a little bit reachy, but I thought it was significant in that even when they were seventeen, the thing Alex is ‘afraid of’ is his feelings for Michael - not necessarily of being gay but of what people like Kyle and his father do with information like that.

Wish I’d found the words when we were seventeen-

Kyle asks

“What are you so afraid of?”

-just as Alex catches sight of Michael.

(“I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. It felt good.”)

Aside from Alex’s general need to protect Michael in any and all situations, I feel like the lyrics of this song - about the singer’s attempt to leave an abusive relationship - underscore that even before the toolshed, Alex was fighting. Even before the toolshed, he has been fighting to this cycle he is trapped in.

While he and Michael build their relationship he starts thinking seriously about leaving and not just surviving but he will ultimately choose to trap himself for years in order to hide his love for Michael.

Like so many gay kids, Alex is fighting a system that deems him guilty of sin - and takes his fighting back as a sign of his guilt. And in order to actually be able to love Michael, he is going to have to figure out how to put down the weapons and the hurt and break the cycle.

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes (1x06)

Are they serious right now I swear to god.

So obviously, we’ve got the origins for everything we’re told about Michael and Alex’s lives changing based on their feelings for each other in like two and a half verses of song. Forget the entire second season we have everything we need right here.

“It was the first time I liked our hometown, though.”

“Alex made me believe there was a place for me here.”

We know that for both of them this is really a moment of self discovery as much as it is a discovery about each other.

For Michael in particular, who doesn’t know why he’s here or who he really is, and who previously had no plans besides leaving the planet, this is the moment that he realizes what he wants - to be with Alex.

And for Alex, to me, this moment is a brief glimpse into what his life could be like. We don’t have any confirmation if Michael is his first kiss with a boy or not, but we do know that this moment is significant in that it’s the first that makes Roswell feel like a place he enjoys being.

And as he is realizing that, the lyrics echo it -

But I realized that I need you // And I wondered if I could come home

(Screeching from the background: WOULD YOU COME HOME)

But of course, as the song says, these things take forever because...well....

(It’s because Alex is dumb. My poor dumb emotionally stunted child. Please go to therapy.)

In essence, this is the moment that sets Michael and Alex on their entwined path. The path that Alex will have to fight to get back to - the path Michael will lose faith in before he later starts to regain the hope that it exists. I also like to think about the link between the last lines:

Remember the time you drove all night // Just to meet me in the morning?

and the line from ‘Would You Come Home’

Would you meet me in the middle // Could we both stop keeping score?

I like to think about the parallel here, about meeting people where they’re at, and the love and care and effort it takes to be willing to drive all night to meet someone. Listen a bitch is soft and gay don’t look at me.

You Can’t Love Me - Novi & Tyler Blackburn (1x12)

(*Whispers and rocks back and forth* this is fine it’s all fine)

Once again we have a song whose lyrics give us a tailor made road map to Malex, and will pop up later in ‘Would You Come Home’. We’ve already seen the implosion of the way Michael and Alex have been orbiting each other for a decade, but now that Alex knows the truth, he actually has the ability to understand Michael in ways he hasn’t been able to before. (Something we’ll see later in Season 2 when he talks with Maria.)

And because of that, we see the true beginning of the journey of Michael and Alex back to one another in a healthier way.

But part of that journey is going to be realizing that what they’ve been doing and the way they have loved each other in the past isn’t sustainable - and maybe isn’t even the way they want to love each other.

“They’re my family, Alex!”

“Alright, maybe! But you are mine. I don’t look away, Guerin.”

“No. We’ve been holding onto this thing. And it’s gotten us nowhere. Just let it go.”

Even though the words are said in anger, there is some truth to what Michael says. Their relationship so far hasn’t been a good one. Where Alex is trying to repeat the words that Michael said to him that made such an impact on him, Michael is (well, a, trying to save his dumb boyfriend from getting flambayed) using the opportunity to reveal how little faith he has in their relationship. To say that no, this doesn’t feel like love.

But as much as the song lyrics are about loving someone who isn’t good for you, they’re also about changing and growing, and about a commitment to be better.

(Sound familiar? Brb, I’m gonna go jump off a cliff.)

Love is messy, and especially for Michael and Alex, love has always been something that hurts. “Home is where the hurt is” - and a really important part of their journey is realizing that, and realizing there is a different way of loving each other.

Additionally for Alex, this is when he starts to realize the full extent of his family’s involvement in hunting and hurting Michael’s family. It isn’t just his dad - his entire family line has been involved in this since before Alex was born. And still is. This is really where he starts realizing the roots of the guilt and shame he’s going to have to deal with in order to be anything to Michael - not even a partner but a friend.

This is the first step in that journey. Not just the commitment that yes - I want to build a home for you - but that first, I don’t know, maybe I need to put down these weapons and pick up a different set of tools?

ON TO SEASON TWO

#rnmmarchformeta2021 #roswellmarchformeta2021 #rnm meta #Alex/Michael #alex manes #michael guerin #maria deluca #sort of? shes mentioned #1x01 #1x02 #1x03 #all episodes #Day 1 Themes #meta #malex #tw ptsd #tw injury #tw queerbashing #tw flashbacks

17 notes · View notes

hearttstopper · 5 years ago

Note

“i have a lot of thoughts about this too especially with the whole watermelon sugar/nameless thing” pls miss britt share ur thoughts id love to hear them

This got so long. I’m really sorry. My thoughts about HS2/In Watermelon Sugar/a bunch of other random stuff under the cut.

These are all thoughts that are only vaguely connected, and stuff that I’m sure has been said a hundred times before mixed with a ton of my own personal conjecture, so please bear that in mind… This is just like total rambling from me.

But I have been fascinated with Harry’s connections to In Watermelon Sugar since we first heard the stupid rumors about the song. Especially the quote from the book about the narrator’s name. That quote got me thinking about how when it comes to Harry, tons of people only see what they want to see based on whatever ‘version’ of Harry is most appealing to them.

Read these quotes from the book with that in mind:

My Name

“I guess you are kind of curious as to who I am, but I am one of those who do not have a regular name. My name depends on you. Just call me whatever is in your mind.

If you are thinking about something that happened a long time ago: Somebody asked you a question and you did not know the answer.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was raining very hard.

That is my name.

Or somebody wanted you to do something. You did it. Then they told you what you did was wrong—“Sorry for the mistake,”—and you had to do something else.

That is my name.

Perhaps it was a game you played when you were a child or something that came idly into your mind when you were old and sitting in a chair near the window.

That is my name.

Or you walked someplace. There were flowers all around.

That is my name.

Perhaps you stared into a river. There was something near you who loved you. They were about to touch you. You could feel this before it happened. Then it happened.

That is my name.”

and:

“My Name. I do not have a regular name. I am a mystery to you. I wished Margaret would leave me alone…”

— Richard Brautigan, In Watermelon Sugar

The narrator of In Watermelon Sugar isn’t just a nameless figure, he actually invites the reader to give him whatever name they find most fitting for him. A positive connotation, a negative one, a nonsensical one… whatever you, the reader, decides. And that feels like a very apt description of Harry and the various ways fans have perceived him from the very beginning… by now, so many people have projected so many different images onto Harry that over time it has completely blurred all lines as to who Harry actually is.

Here’s a review I found of the book that summarizes the world within In Watermelon Sugar better than I can (as well as somehow still aligning perfectly with the concept of struggling with fame and identity, etc): “Much of the sense of disparity in [in Watermelon Sugar] results from the incongruity inherent in the person of the narrator, who insists that everything in iDEATH is exactly as it should be—the people gentle, pleasant, and tolerant. Despite the narrator’s insistence that iDEATH is a stable Utopia, however, many of the things that happen are fraught with pain and violence. Balancing the easygoing and vegetarian people with their light chores and flower-filled parades are the man-eating tigers, the burning of the mutilated corpses of inBOIL and his gang, Margaret’s suicide, and the emptiness felt by the narrator but never named.”

So essentially within In Watermelon Sugar, we’re shown that in the surrealist, post-apocalyptic setting of iDeath, things are only perfect on a surface level. Everyone in this world appears to be happy (or at least, they should be), but a closer look reveals the true nature of iDeath: it’s beyond grim. And so despite the happy, shiny surface, being a part of that happy, peaceful commune is unable to cure the narrator of the inexplicable emptiness he feels inside of him. (‘All the lights couldn’t put out the dark running through my heart.’ ‘Having sex and being sad.’)

The sadness that Harry has already admitted is very prevalent in HS2 has already been implied to be about a ‘breakup,’ but it’s clear to me that Lights Up is anything but a breakup song… (“[Lights Up is about] freedom, self-reflection, self-discovery, things that I had thought about and wrestled with…” + “For me, it’s a very uplifting song. In some places, it’s kind of dark, but to me, it’s like, very liberating. I think, you know, over the past couple of years… It’s about self-reflection, and freedom. It feels very free to me, which is I guess things that I’ve been trying to process… I guess, kinda wrestled with a little over the last couple of years. It’s kinda like, about accepting all of those things.”)

His sadness/whatever emotions and problems he’s been wrestling with have seemingly spanned the course of a few years, and are very personal to him… which is why I feel that releasing Lights Up as the first single sets the tone for the rest of his album centering around his own identity. The line “Lights up and they know who you are, know who you are… Do you know who you are?” poses the question - who is Harry? - and then, “Shine! Step into the light… Shine! So bright sometimes. Shine! I’m not ever going back.” shows us Harry having the strength and bravery to overcome his fears (stepping into the light, although it’s ‘so bright sometimes’ - overwhelming) and reclaim/express his own misunderstood identity.

A lot of people have been trying to tie the In Watermelon Sugar thing back to someone else, but at this point I completely disagree. Not only have we seen him make literary references in the past (the Charles Bukowski reference in Woman), but… given everything that he’s said about Lights Up so far – which was surprisingly a lot – I think that Harry genuinely just took a lot of inspiration from the book because it seemed to hit close to home with his own feelings about self-acceptance and living an authentic life within the public eye.

I think a lot about the scene we’ve yet to see from the directors cut - a room full of many different iterations of Harry.

“My name depends on you… Just call me whatever is in your mind.”

Which leads me back to more total conjecture on my end, but I think that when Harry initially set out on tour / kicked off his solo career, he seemed determined to continue performing within the safety of the walls that had been built around him, so to speak. In one of the interviews he did earlier, he talked about tackling his first album from the perspective of ‘bowling with the bumpers up’ - he wanted to play it safe. He didn’t want to veer too far out of his own comfort zone and fuck it all up… and in doing so, he seemed to hold himself back quite a lot. “I wanted to see if people would enjoy an album without knowing everything about me.”

I think that heading into writing with that mindset explains songs like ‘Complicated Freak’ and ‘Medicine’ being scrapped and excluded from being released on HS1. In retrospect, all of his tour - and especially Medicine - seem a lot like Harry dipping his toes in the water. Being totally presumptuous again, but I find it likely that Harry has had it ingrained in his mind for a long time that he needs to fit certain molds and keep certain narratives alive in order to continue to be successful. And I imagine that this idea is not his own, but instead something that has been hammered into his head over and over from a young age. And I would guess that a lot of anxiety and doubt has stemmed from that - go back and watch that shaky first performance of Medicine and tell me what you think he was likely feeling in that moment. But again, it circles right back to the strength and bravery of doing what he knows needs to be done to expel all of the darkness inside of him - stepping into the light. (“Never going back now / Be so sweet if things just stayed the same.” It’d be so sweet if he could live in that fantasyland forever.)

Anyway. I really don’t think Harry was at all prepared for just how many people would show up to support him in that sense… but his own community just rolled up in droves, bringing a total outpouring of love for him every single night. He had entire arenas lit up in rainbows, people bringing hilarious and heartfelt signs, flags after flags after flags after flags… all in celebration of him and the feelings of safety, strength, and bravery that he has continuously imparted back onto his fans. It was such a queer lovefest that even other artists likened his tour to “pride parades every night.” That’s so unbelievably powerful? I can’t think of any other artist who’s crowds do that for them… not even gay icons like Elton John? I still maintain that one of the most incredible things to have come out of HSLOT was the safe spaces he + his fans created for one another. It meant a lot to us, and it clearly meant a lot to him:

“The tour, that affected me deeply. It really changed me emotionally. Having people come to sing the songs… For me, the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think. I kept thinking, “Oh, wow. They really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.” That’s the thing I’m most thankful for, of touring. I feel like the fans in the room — it’s this environment where people come to feel like they can be themselves. There’s nothing that makes me feel more myself than to be in this whole room of people. It made me realize people want to see me experiment and have fun. Nobody wants to see you fake it.”

I think that going on tour, and seeing the reaction and the acceptance of his audience, definitely made him want to take the bumpers down… to ‘be out and do it’ because ‘nobody wants to see him fake it.’ It seemed to help him massively in terms of his own ‘self acceptance and the things he’s been wrestling with’ and to make an incredibly, incredibly long winded answer short, it’s why I STILL do not think that releasing Lights Up on National Coming Out Day was in any way incidental. I think that was a big part of what Harry meant when he said that no one wanted to see him ‘faking’ things.

And… that’s basically it, I think, for now. I’ve just been sitting here nodding along at everything he’s been showing us the last few weeks… Impressed by the direction that he seems to be heading. And taking notes. I’ll go ahead and shut up now because I KNOW it’s still too early to draw definite conclusions on his intent for this new ‘era’ (and this new song could be about choking on literal fucking watermelon seeds for all I know, nothing Harry does ever makes any kind of sense does it), but I can’t help but come to my own conclusions based on what I feel he is sharing with us.

#like if anyone actually thinks that it makes more sense for harry to be crying over borrowed slippers from an ex #and writing entire songs based off of his ex's supposed favorite book... be my guest or whatever #but it totally undermines how smart harry actually is. he used the word 'regalia' in a fucking interview the other day #like c'mon lmao #anyway #this is just me rambling for like... a solid 2k #sorry #when he makes me look like booboo i'll at least be a more educated booboo or whatever #:')#*

246 notes · View notes

revasserium · 4 years ago

Note

hi rain!! hope you're doing well 💗💗

thank u darling!

you write beautifully, o my goodness

aww thank youuuu <3

Hi! Just wanted to ask if it was okay to send in a request?

hi love! requests are currently closed! but once they open up again, do feel free!

Whenever I have a bad day or just want to spend some time in a specific kind of world, I find myself coming back to here. I always end up feeling better. Thank you 😊

you are so, so sweet and lovely <3 thank you so much! and i’m glad you enjoy my writing !

thank you so much for your sunset masterpiece with Kageyama !!!!

ahhh that one was fun to write ! im glad u liked it !!!

so this is how summer ends breaks my heart😭😭💔💔 I enjoyed reading it nonetheless 🥺 - 🎏

hehehehhe idk i always rly like the angst ones?? they just hit dif ukno? but im glad that it made u feel some kinda way :D

just want to tell you i adore your writing so much; probably my favorite in the hq fandom. i’m just a casual reader and lurker of fics, and i usually just leave a like since i’m quite shy. (idk where this came from since i write too and there’s nothing more i can enjoy than hearing from my readers) but i would like to tell you you’re amazing at what you do, and i can’t wait to see more of your works. sending you love! stay safe always.

thank you T^T it rly means a lot -- i know i’ve been gone, but coming back to these messages have been the light of my life <3

just want to say i love every writing you have every posted and i hold a lot of them dear to my heart but your sugawara smut are the best ones in this entire site OH GODS i wish i could ask for more but i know you're already working hard to write all of these beautiful, breathtaking pieces so thank you for your hard work and please don't forget to take care of yourself! ♡

you all are TOO kind to me T^T take care of yourselves as well -- all my love darlings

dropping by your inbox to give you a big hug and best wishes because you are awesome!

muah!!!! x

hi rain, love you and hope you’ve been okay. miss you but take your time, will still be here when you feel ready to come back ❤️

all my kisses! im back now and better than ever hehee

hi i love u and u inspire me sm, can i be 🎨 anon 👉👈

oh my lov ur too cute! <3

hi rain, thinking of you today ❤️ miss you heaps but I hope you’re taking some well deserved time off for yourself :) remember that you are loved and you have deeply affected so many lives by your writing 🥺 xx

muah x

hi rain, hope you’re doing well wherever you are in the world ❤️❤️ miss you loads, I read at least one story of yours every night haha helps me to relax :)

oh im so glad!!! :D

you may not care, but i often check your blog if you have a new post or just answering any asks. your writing and also the way you answer questions is so eloquent . just wow.

i do care! i care a great deal <3 and ur message means the world and then some to me uwu thank u so much for taking the time my love

Hey Rain! Make sure to take care, don't forget to drink water and eat something! I'm here to vent if you need it. -Emmy

<3 muah

Your fics make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Every time I read them I feel like I'm cuddling a huge fluffy teddy bear or something. Your writing is so genuine and so deep, it's really inspirational!

thank youuuu im glad that u liked them T^T i promise i will strive to write more, even better fics in the future <3

ya know I think about that ushijima fic you did about ice cream at the most inconvenient times of the day I tell you. god i just black out

yo HIGHKEY. ushijima. can like..... get it.

hi! i just read 'even so' and i'm so in love with your writing so it's time to read all your works uwu if you can, try using google docs to write! it saves your history so you can go back if you lose something or want to go back to something you wrote. take care bub

im def gonna experiment with a ton of dif things to make sure that none of my writing gets lost in the future! :D

i have no way to conjure my thoughts about universal truths. like it was truly a masterpiece. im sorry for my lack of feedback but my emotions can't be put into words on how im feeling.(although i think that's probably one of the best responses you can get from an audience) just know that you're doing fucking amazing and always inspiring me to write

ahhh thank you!!!

I just want you to know I was reading everything u have ever put out for naruto & I am head over heels in love thanks bye ily

im legit head over heals in lov for naruto tho okay like hes MY FAV

#long post #anon love #this is so much love -- you guys are #as always TOO GOOD TO ME <3 #Anonymous #🌧 raindrops

12 notes · View notes

alolanrain · 5 years ago

Text

Arceus’s Mothman!AU Part. 1

The wonderful @hiddenbyfaeries helped me with this as it’s only part 1 and I’m getting to the point where my body’s shutting down for the night. So here’s me and Tori’s take on this AU I’ve created on a whim!

- Where everything’s somewhat the same but Ash is a little more unhinged and is like a college student that’s absolutely reach the max LIMIT of putting up with Arceus shit

- More like: “Arceus you damn slut! Stop dropping other Legendary Problems on me and let me have a noRMALE VACATION”

- Ash vlogging all his Legendary BD

- and at first, everyone thinks it's a damn hoax

- he’s just so more open with all the legendary shit and everyone is so amazed but he’s like: “they eat and shit like every other living being!?”

- but then, he's 16 and just posts a pic of "I lived bitch"

- and he's just, lying next to which ever Legendary who killed him then revived him

- He just starts putting a little camera in his hat

- And so he just posts what ever happens

- Pikachu ends up wearing one

- no editing just, "that looks good"

- HE WEARS A CUTE OCEAN BANDANA AROUND HIS NECK THAT MISTY GOT HIM

- the whole world: "IS THAT FUCKING ARCEUS?!"

- Ash: "Arceus, stop trying to steal my shit!"

- "no arceus, my pot pie"

- Baking with Victini

- he’s an actual capable adultTM in this

- Which means he can bake, clean, do his own laundry, etc.

- Adult thingsTM

- "today, we're gonna see if weed can affect a pokemon"

- .... S o m e what

- he just shitposts

- he just doesn’t sleep and everyone’s now sure his blood is 87% coffee

- Like, no one has E V E R seen Ash without his gigantic traveling size mug that holds more creamer and sugar that actually coffee

- He complains about everything and Drake wheezes as Lance tries to negate the PR damage until he gives up and slowly joins with Ash and Drake

- also! he totally calls the League out on their bs and such

- he totally mocks most champions

- And they pay more attention to him now since his is the fated Chosen OneTM and in their folds now

- He has a YouTube

- And it’s just him complaining about Champions dress style

- Along with certain gym leaders

- He humanizes the Champion role a lot, but everyone else still fears him because he can call Arceus a Mew-fearing slut and not get kicked into hell on the spot

- "giratina, who is just a babey y'all, would like to be let out of their punishment realm"

- "god, I wish I could be Yvetal. Century long naps? only to wake up to wreck some shit and put the fear of God back into people? then go back to napping? Living the D R E A M"

- also, then he goes to alola

- kukui wasn't prepares

- rip kukui

- guzma, on the other hand, is a fucking F A N

- the alola kids are kinda sheltered, compared to his other friends

- except for Gladion and Hau

- who both have traveled around (even if it's just around alola for Gladion)

- Hau and Gladion have seen his videos

- Ash is a M E M E

- And he’s also not afraid to give his honest opinion about people and things

- Guzma soon becomes one of his favorite people in Alola next to Kukui, Acerola, Plumeria, and Nanu

- Because their all dead inside to some extent but Acerola

- They just speak he’ll speak at each other and cause Nanu even more pain

- Nanu is suffering

- No but that also means that Ash can actually read all the social cues people would send his way

- And Kukui is fucked because when Ash saw the Mask Royal in TV he was just like:

- “Yep that’s my Guardian, who the fuck does he think he’s fooling? They have the same fucking abs!”

- "same beard!" "same beard!"

- He’s also S O fucking tired all the time

- Like he’s literally seconds away from blacking out if it weren’t for his heightened ability and the pure caffeine pills he crushed into his traveling mug

- Because he takes on more league work from Drake and Lance so the two won’t be so swamped

- And also dealing with legendaries bs 24/7 365 days a year

- God but just imagine this 19-20 y/o fucker stumbles a little behind the Professor and is introduced as Ash Ketchum; Orange Islands Champion and the greater of the most loved shitpost the internet/world has ever seen

- And Ash just starts raining answer on questions when he looks up from other paper work

- He just creams Lillie and Sophocles. And ends up getting the top spot in the class, which also equals the top spot in the school because Ash is SMART

- He’s basically an OP human god

- But the only thing holding him back from using his whole potential is his spite for Arceus and he’s just d o e s n ‘ t want to.

- Like he caught on pretty fast to all the evil guys plots

- He totally fucks their shit up early enough to where he has time to actually focus more on helping his team grow instead of worrying about another ‘end of the world’ scenario

- I also feel like he would be VERY unnatural strong in this AU, but he’s just to tired/lazy/doesn’t give enough of a single shit

- like, no one expects him be so powerful or smart

- then he just, pulls shit outta the air all lazy like

- All that’s stopping him is the will to just

- Not Do It(Tm)

- He has no fucks left to give

- I don’t think he even had any to begin with

- In this AU he was able to repay Misty with a brand new bike

- But he was a hyper little shit until Johto with the Entie and his kidnapped mom situation

- Lance ranted about him to his colleges when Ash was younger, and the man still does. But when everyone finally meets him they’re all like: “is This the kid you were talking about?” And Lance is all excited and happy and says “Yep!”

- And Ash is just dressed in comfort clothes with a bulging backpack and coffee that you could smell the creamer a couple miles away

- Ash is just like all the Champions except Leon and Wallace mashed together into one very, very tired young adult with a coffee addiction that’s 100,000x worse than Lances

#ash ketchum #pokemon headcanons #Arceus’s Mothman!AU #AM!AU #Arceus #this is a late night shit post but oh well

180 notes · View notes

shannonmora · 4 years ago

Text

Back at it again with another diary post! I had to force myself to stop typing last night lol my brain is always poppin off.

Today I want to talk about the three short stories I’m working on that I will be writing for Camp NaNoWriMo next month. My current goal is 30K words since scripting a comic uses way less words than a novel. I hope this will force me to expand every idea as much as possible. I have a bad habit of getting stuck at a part and just writing down something vague. Even as I’m drafting Ghost Story there are parts I haven’t fleshed out. Again, it’s a bit of a procrastination tactic of mine to go back and try to fill in those gaps but for now I’ll let them be. Since it’s the first pass of the first draft find it important to just shit out as much as I can handle. Even if it’s a flimsy finish, at least I have the story figured out for the first part.

Okay, on to the first story. I’ve actually drawn the characters in a recent illustration. I’m still not 100% sure what to call it, but for now I call it “To Say ‘I Love You.’” It features a catboy and doggirl, a completely visual metaphor lol, kinda like how Loveless gives virgins cat ears. Instead of virginity it’s more of a personality signifier. I tried to draw this comic last year and I even got kinda far (I think the early pages are really good and I hope to still use them). I didn’t like how I was presenting the story after a while though, so I am trying to iron it out.

I placed a lot of my feelings of love and relationships on to the Catboy. I once saw the question “Is it easier to love or be loved?” and I was caught of guard. I had only ever seen people talk about how self love is so hard for them, that they can hate themselves and love so much unconditionally. I didn’t even know how it could be possible to be the reverse, to take other people’s affections so easily but have trouble loving back. But now I know I fit into that category all to well. And it sounds cruel. But ultimately it’s just my personality. Finding someone you can confide in completely about your feelings can be very difficult. People don’t always expect someone being hesitant to love you back. I hope this story works without getting too long or boring, haha. It’s hard to show character’s personalities and relationship in just a few pages.

The next story is one slightly based off an ink drawing I did in 2019 of a cool satyr boy finding a black kitten in the rain. I love fantasy settings but I’m not very good at worldbuilding, haha. So I’m hoping setting short stories in this little universe will help me develop it. I’m a little hesitant to talk more about it because I don’t want to give away the theme and story, but it’s a story I hope will touch people! I think the romance part is rather straight forward, but it ties into a deeper idea of finding where you belong. I’ve yet to think of a good name for it, knowing me I’ll rip it from a song lyric.

The last story has roots in a much older project that I decided to scrape: Dreamscape. The original was supposed to be a fantasy epic of a girl who creates a fantasy world in order to escape her life. I didn’t really develop it very far and it’s just been at the back of my head for a long time. I figured I have too many fantasy epics I want to do so I took the basic idea and spun it into a shorter story. I love the idea of fantasy as escapism but also as a reflection of our problems. I’m rushing getting this story out since I have just had it sitting in the back of my head for about a year. Even as I type this I can feel the ideas coming!

I don’t when I’ll be able to actually DRAW these stories. I much prefer drawing on paper when it comes to inking, though I know my drafting skills aren’t the best. I really want to make the most of what I know and to use both digital and traditional techniques. My plan would be to make the drafts digitally then print them and ink traditionally. I also want to create 3d environments to help me with backgrounds, something that is a HUGE pain for me.

April begins tomorrow, which means social media will be nothing but “friendly reminder to not post triggering content uwu” and literally nothing fun. I have work tomorrow so I’ll do my best to have my 1k out before work. I also REALLY need to finish outlining Dreamscape, seeing as it’s not even half done yet. Oh god...

#diary

1 note · View note

agastyatreepetals · 5 years ago

Text

A Persona’s Gift

I saw the last post that I reblogged and it got me thinking. Naoto decides that everyone should get checked out by a doctor because of the frequent going-into-the-tv-world in case it affected anyone.

Canon-wise, there was nothing wrong at the doctor’s visit, and then we were never given any implication that that result changed.

But what if. What if at the end of everything, when everyone has time to breathe They Notice.

The Investigation Team notices they’re sensitive to electromagnetic wavelengths. They feel them on the edge of their skin, hear them if there’s A Lot (I say the sensitivity is more than what neurodivergent people experience since that is a thing) and even see them no matter the kind of light. And they have a sort of...clear sight. Rain, fog, snow, smoke, etc. doesn’t diminish their vision. They can see through it as if it were a clear day.

They also experience their persona’s weaknesses and strengths. Yukiko can’t really be burned anymore, but winter suddenly becomes A Special Hell, and etc., etc.

And it’s not just them. SEES takes on the same persona abilities, but now they have superior night vision. Their circadian (sleep) cycles are frankly, kinda whack.

They’re sensitive to the Otherwordly. They sense when something is off or changing in the world aka they would feel yaldabaoth but they wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell good from bad.

They also find places of mourning and death comforting, and they become (if they choose to) really good bedside companions for the dying. They’re not afraid of death, they understand life and want people to experience the fullness rather than calling Nyx.

The Phantom Thieves become lucid dreamers. They find a sensitivity to people’s moods. It’s not quite being really good at body language or tone, but they can feel what mood a person is secreting, even if they’re really, really good at hiding it. Crowds become a whole new level of hell futaba hates it especially

(and again with the persona strength and weakness thing, even for the fools, for they have their Awakened persona to give that special bit to them)

Canonically, we know persona users can sense each other’s abilities to some degree. Or in some cases. I’m pretty sure it’s not totally a fanon thing. (edit: was confirmed in replies) So they have that sense on top of Their Special Ones confined only to their particular adventure.

I might think on this more, it intrigues me especially for my persona au on the back burner. Might think on what they might gain, like, physically, and not just what sort of sensory thing they get.

I also considered thinking on the first few persona (and smt:if) games but for now this’ll do.

#persona series #persona 3 #persona 4 #persona 5 #my commentary #shin megami tensei franchise #swearing cw #my notes

106 notes · View notes

kameonerd566 · 4 years ago

Text

Getting Vibes about Eda’s Curse

Okay so I might be kinda going out on a limb here BUT I am getting vibes that Eda's curse can be interpreted to represent having a mental illness, especially one with elements of schizophrenia. I can only speak from my experiance and I know everyone has different experiences with the ways mental illness affects people but here's my take (feel free to ignore this post if you don't agree, I am only speaking from my experiences with this. If anyone has information about mental illnesses that I am misinformed about please let me know kindly, it is very scary for me to be opening up about these experiences online as I seldom speak about them to people I know in real life). Also I would just like to say that I am in no way trying to give advice on what to do if someone is having a psychotic episode, I am merely using my own experiences as source to connect with the show to back up my claims. Spoilers ahead!!

Okay so, we are first introduced to Eda's curse in The Intruder. Now that we know she is more prone to transforming into the owl beast when she uses too much magic it is fairly obvious that putting the forcefield around the house to protect it from the rain wiped her out. She then notices she is feeling pretty drained so she tries to get some sleep. In my experience, sleep was a cure-all of sorts for the person in my life (whom I shall simply call Person in my explanation) who struggles with psychosis. When they get too stressed, they can go into a state of psychosis where they don't know what is actually going on in real life because they are in a sort of hyper realistic dream-state. If they are able to calm down enough fall asleep, however, the stress levels decrease and the chances of going into psychosis become near zero (at least for a little while). The creators of owl house, weather intentionally or not, seem to have used this same "sleep cures all" approach with Eda and how she manages her curse.

Eda was not able to get to sleep right away and we then see the owl beast roaming throughout the house and then bam: we have the potion. The mysterious potion Eda drinks immediately jumped out at me as a potential metaphor for prescription drugs. There are many drugs out there to help with mental illness, which I do not know enough about to really dive into specefics but basically, in my experience, when person is struggling to grasp reality, they take magic pill and bam: they come back to reality temporarily enough to tell us how to help them and then they calm down enough to sleep. This is very similar to how King and Luz feed Eda the potion, and then she instantly comes back to reality by transforming back to herself. She also seems to have no memory of what she did when she was the owl beast, which is just like when Person comes back from psychosis not knowing what they were doing in the real world.

Another part of the show that jumped out at me to suggest this metaphor is in the episode Escape of the Pailsman when King messes with her and brings her to the park. I don't vibe with how King treated her in her owl beast state but at the end of the day this IS a kids show so there's gonna be some comic relief. Anyways, in my experience, being in public with someone struggling to stay in reality is very difficult and definitely draws a lot of attention, like how waltzing around a playground with an owl beast would cause attention. Animal control *could* be interested as like medical people scooping her off the street to take her to a home or hospital but the part that really jumped out at me was when King got through to her by doing his angry squeak. I have also done similar things to get through to Person when the drugs aren't working, I will try and ground them back to reality with something that will get their attention, just like King did. Maybe I'm reading too much into this and maybe my experiences are just uncanilly similar to the shows plot BUT I think it is definitely interesting to analyze and I'm gonna keep doing it for the rest of the show.

One last thing that really sealed the deal for me was in one of the latest episodes when Luz and King have to give Eda a bunch of portions and then the camera goes black and we fade in with Eda's hand on Luz's face. Eda's reaction to coming back to the real world and her confusion and embarrassment at touching Luz's face like that was again (at least to me) showing that she did not know what was going on in the real world when she was the owl beast and that what she saw while in her beast form (or in her psychosis) was the memory of her sister cursing her and she was reaching out to find out who she was not realizing that in the real world she was actually just reaching for Luz. If that isn't a textbook example of psychosis than I don't know what is (no really,, I literally don't but I DO know that when person was in psychosis, they would tell me things that seemed to make no sense because they were about what they were experiencing in her psychosis and that dictated what they said and did at those times. After they came to, they were able to explain what they thought was happening at those times and we could piece together when and why those things occurred because just like how Eda touched Luz thinking she was someone else while I'm her owl beast form).

Also, joining the emperors coven could symbolize joining a group home of sorts, where Eda will be "cured" but most likely made into a hollow drone of the emperors army. I have little to no experience with group homes but I have seen the inside of a mental hospital a few times (only from the visitors side, however, so I imagine there's a hell of a lot more that I don't know about) and from what I've seen most of the people in there are so heavily drugged that they seem almost hollow. Its really heartbreaking to watch your loved one be so hollow and I think a lot of plot points are pointing to Eda becoming a hollow drone under the emperors command especially because of how heartbreaking that would be. If that's the way the show goes I would be VERY excited to see some light shed on the conditions that mentally ill people are kept in because I have heard MANY horror stories about how often times those in charge fail to see them as people and adhere are to their needs. There is so much injustice in the mental health system it makes my skin crawl and if a kids show was to shed light on that injustice it would earn my eternal gratitude.

Additionally, a lot of the language Eda uses to talk about her curse are almost word for word things I have heard Person use to refer to their mental illness, specifically the psychosis aspect of it. Most notably is "I'm going away for a bit and I don't know if I'm going to be able to bounce back this time" As a child, when person needed to go to the hospital people would tell me they needed to "go away for a bit" and when Person would refer to getting better after an episode they would almost always refer to getting better again as "bouncing back." Now I know these are fairly common phrases but considering the context of the show and of my experiences I feel that it is honestly more fuel to the fire of my hypothesis. Additionally, when Luz asks Eda if she needs her to stay home and take care of her in Escape of the Pailsman, Eda responds with "Kid, I've had this curse longer than you've been alive" and proceeds to reassure her that she can handle it. That scene was especially important to me because I have been in Luz's shoes MANY a time and that is exactly what I would say to Person if I noticed they were struggling. The way Eda responds is almost verbatim what people would tell me about Person when I would voice concern about my ability to help them.

Additionally, with the emperors coven, we will have two options for Eda's curse story arc: either she will be cured and still be the bad ass we know and love OR she will live with the curse, as it is a part of her, and still be the bad ass we love. When characters are introduced with curses and the like, it's pretty harmful to audiences that resonate with that to have the solution be to just get rid of the curse because we can't do that in real life. So I'm hoping the writers will take the better path and have her keep the curse but find a better way to manage it. I think that will make sense with the characterization of Eda this far, since she never really mentions wanting to be free from the curse she only ever mentions dealing with it. Personally, Eda this far has filled me with so much hope that I can be a kick ass functional adult even if I end up with the same illness as Person and that is something that has brought me SO much comfort. But I know that because I look up to Eda so much because I want to interpret her this was this theory might be a little far fetched; I might be self projecting a little too much. But regardless, I am so excited to see what will happen next in this series c:

#heres my long awaited essay on Eda #please be nice im very spooked to post this #Eda #eda the owl house #toh edalyn #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #Eda theory #toh #toh theory #toh eda

6 notes · View notes

hermannsthumb · 6 years ago

Note

maria I am literally begging you to write newt and hermann being sent off to meet hannibal

(this prompt is re: my answer to this ask)

god i think this kind of au is so fucking fun....also i always wanted to do a post-newt’s-first-drift missing scene (eyes emoji)

-------------------

Newt’s not sure what to say to Hermann after the Marshal leaves the lab. I told you so seems a little harsh, considering the circumstances--the fact that Hermann’s still deathly pale, that his legs are still trembling, that he collapsed into a chair the moment the door clicked shut and hasn’t been able to look at Newt since. He might start throwing things at Newt. Or crying. Newt’s not sure which is worse. Sorry you had to find me spasming to death on the floor. It’d be a lie; Newt’s sorry Hermann had to see him at an, uh, low point like that, but he’s not sorry he did it. Not after what it gave him. Thanks for saving me from spasming to death on the floor. Better.

“Hey,” Newt says. “Thanks, you know, for--”

“No,” Hermann says.

“...for saving my life,” Newt says. He forces a grin. “If I’d fried my brain out it would’ve been a total waste of time.”

“Newton,” Hermann says.

Newt scuffs his boot against the ground. Too soon. He hadn’t expected Hermann to be this--well, affected about it all. He thought the guy hated him. He thought the guy would’ve been glad to get rid of him. (Morbid, but whatever.) “Uh. Anyway. I gotta--get that brain. The kaiju brain.”

Hermann turns, sharply, blinking fast. “The kaiju brain,” he says.

“Yeah,” Newt says. Hermann’s being uncharacteristically slow on the uptake. Shock, maybe. Newt swipes the back of his sleeve across his still-bleeding nose--his button-up’s already stained beyond repair, not much more damage he can do to it--and snags his leather jacket from the back of his desk chair. “What Pentecost said? He needs me to do it again. I have to--”

“Yes,” Hermann says. He reaches one trembling hand for his cane and pushes himself to his feet. “The brain. I’ll be coming with you, of course.”

Newt’s jacket nearly slips from his grasp. He gapes at Hermann. “You’ll what?’

“I’ll be coming with you,” Hermann repeats. “You can’t really expect me to let you go alone.”

Newt does drop his jacket, this time, and immediately scrambles to pick it up, his face growing warm. “Hermann, that’s--” he stammers, “that’s really--” Here it is, what he’s been waiting for--some big, romantic confession, Hermann sweeping him into his arms, declaring it’s them against the rest of the world, that it was almost the end of his world when he found Newt bleeding and seizing, that he’d follow Newt to the ends of the Earth and beyond.

What Hermann actually says is “You wouldn’t last an hour without me.”

“Oh.” Newt deflates.

Hermann is already clacking out the door, his parka already--somehow--zipped up to his throat. It’s not even cold out. Totally unnecessary. “Do hurry up.”

Newt pulls on his jacket and scurries after him.

“If you’d walked faster,” Hermann says, glaring miserably at the night sky and the rain that pelts down from it, “we wouldn’t have missed the bus.”

“I’m pretty sure the buses aren’t fucking running, Hermann,” Newt says. “They haven’t been running in months. If you left your cave and socialized every once in a while, you might know that.”

“And if you hadn’t forgotten the umbrella--”

“I didn’t even ask you to come, you big baby!” Newt says. “You forced yourself on me!” Hermann scowls; Newt sighs, feeling a little guilty, and kicks at a bit of trash. He’s being an asshole and he knows it. Hermann might have perfectly legitimate reasons for not wanting to walk--his knee might be acting up, for one, like it sometimes does in the rain--and not to mention that Hermann did just save his life. “It’s, like, a mile. Do you want me to hail a cab? You’ll have to pay, since I’m kinda balling on a budget, man, but...” He’s not sure how much the brain is going to cost either. Or if it’ll cost anything at all. Maybe it’ll be like something from a spy movie--Newt flashes his PPDC badge, drops Pentecost’s name, and the Chau guy immediately wheels a brain out for him, no questions asked. What sort of favors does he owe Pentecost, anyway?

“No cab,” Hermann says. He flips up his hood with a great deal more sass than necessary. Newt has to admit the rain is kind of annoying; his hair is dripping, his glasses are impossible to see through, his jacket--and the clothing it’s supposed to be protecting--completely soaked. “I suppose I’ll have to make do.”

“Oh, how noble,” Newt says. He shines his black light on a nearby street sign, and the symbol from the card Pentecost gave him flashes into view, along with a little arrow. Very spy movie. Newt’s loving it. “Okay, it’s a right up ahead.”

The crowd doesn’t necessarily dissipate when they turn down the next street, but it does thin out, and Newt and Hermann are able to slip through a lot more easily. They’re also able to hear each other without shouting. “A mile?” Hermann says, squinting out at Newt from under his fuzzy hood.

“More or less,” Newt says. “Probably less. Be on the lookout for spooky guys in sunglasses.” He’s not sure if that’s what the dealers actually look like, but sunglasses seem appropriate. Fedoras, maybe. Black trenchcoats. Newt’s nose suddenly stings. “Ah. Shit!”

It’s started bleeding again; in a flash, Hermann is holding his handkerchief to it. “Pinch it,” he says, strangely gentle, “there we are, Newton.”

“Ugh. Thanks.” Newt screws his eyes up and tilts his head back, pinching as Hermann instructed. “I don’t know what I did.”

“Does it hurt?” Hermann says. One nervous, fluttering hand presses itself to Newt’s shoulder, to the side of his face, atop the handkerchief, then drops away, and Newt is reminded of how tightly Hermann’d gripped him when he dragged Newt out of his drift. “Or your head? Are you--?”

“Nah,” Newt says. “Just a fucking nuisance.” He draws the handkerchief--wet with rain, too, and stained a deep crimson--back, and sniffs and wrinkles his nose a few times. “Stopped again. For now. Do you mind if I hold onto this?” He waves the handkerchief around.

The corner of Hermann’s mouth twitches up. “Keep it. I don’t particularly want it back.”

Newt crams it into his pocket. He crams his hands into his pockets, too, fixes his eyes on the wet pavement, mostly to keep himself from doing something dumb like taking Hermann’s arm to feel one of those strong hands on him again. (Hermann never touches him; today, he has twice.) “Thanks, by the way,” Newt says. “I know I already said it, but--I owe you a lot.”

“Don’t be silly, Newton,” Hermann says. “It’s only a handkerchief.”

Newt glances up; Hermann’s faint smile has turn strained. “That’s not what I meant,” Newt says, but he has a feeling Hermann knows. He’s not surprised when Hermann says nothing.

They hurry on. The rain picks up.

“How much longer now?” Hermann says.

Newt shines the black light at a cluster of nearby street signs. He shines the light at some a few feet ahead. He pushes across the street (no cars, down this way) and shines at some more there. Hermann is waiting for him when he pushes back, hood down, full brunt of his glare focused on Newt. “Uh,” Newt says. “We may have taken a wrong turn.”

Hermann bitches at him for the entirety of the time it takes to turn back, shine the light around some more, and find the right street to go down, which is a whole of ten minutes, hardly anything, but Hermann’s acting like Newt set them back, like, a whole fucking hour. “You didn’t have to come,” Newt reminds him, after Hermann finishes a tirade about Newt’s irresponsibility. “You really, really, really didn’t--”

“Of course I did!”

“I never asked you,” Newt says. “Pentecost never asked you. I wanted--”

“I wanted to keep an eye on you and make sure you didn’t get yourself killed!” Hermann says. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t do something even stupider than drift with a kaiju brain, since you obviously can’t wait to sacrifice yourself for some--”

Newt snorts. “Why do you give a shit if I get myself killed?”

Hermann comes to a staggering halt; he clutches, desperately, at Newt’s arm. “Because I care about you, you moron!” he shouts.

A few passersbys give Hermann a Look--the weird Brit yelling at the American in the middle of a crowded sidewalk--and, coloring fast, reeling away from Newt, he shrinks in on himself in embarrassment. Newt does, too, but for a different reason entirely. “You care about me?” Newt squeaks. (Here it comes, Newt’s sure of it: the confession, the sweeping Newt into his arms, the kissing him, even.)

“Of course I do,” Hermann says. He’s deceptively calm, in a way that means he might start shouting again very soon if Newt doesn’t play it cool. Kissing’s probably out of the question. “I care very much about you, Newton.” He works his jaw. “Finding you was--upsetting.”

“Oh,” Newt says.

“The thought of having not found you, of not reaching you in time, was even more upsetting,” Hermann says. “I was not eager to relive it.”

“Oh,” Newt repeats.

"You mean--to me--Newton, you and I--” Hermann swallows heavily a few times, sighs, rubs his hand across his face. His blush hasn’t faded. “It’s of no import at the moment. A conversation for another time, perhaps. We need--we need to, ah, get you your kaiju brain.”

“Right,” Newt says, though every bone in his body screams for him to beg Hermann to finish his fucking sentence. (What does Newt mean to him, exactly?) “I think it’s a left down here.”

Chau pulls a knife on Newt; Hermann smacks it out of his hand with his cane.

Newt almost swoons.

"Hey,” Newt says, as the kaiju shelter trembles overhead, as he trembles in Hermann’s arms, “there’s, like, a ninety percent chance we’re about to die, and I just want to say it was really hot when you--”

“Shut up,” Hermann says, and kisses Newt.

They don’t die. Newt gets his kaiju brain. Win-win.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #shakesexual

83 notes · View notes

freetobeafcknriot · 5 years ago

Text

☆ oinoya headcanons ☆

( ...that I originally posted on Twitter in the heat of the moment; sorry I’m not sorry at all. They’re quite a lot, so I’m gonna put them under the cut! As always, don’t like ship? Don’t read. )

They meet when Noya starts university and joins the volleyball team and wow, the sparkles in the first triage!

They kinda knew each other already because they played against each other in middle school and are both incredible players. The good-hearted competition is insane!

Oikawa tends to use the suffix -chan / nicknames even with people he doesn't know all that much. There are exceptions though; Noya is one of them (that's canon).

"OIKAWA-SAN!" "...Nishinoya-kun, right?" "Drop the -kun already!" he bluntly cuts him off. Then, in the blink of an eye, the libero's piercing glare shifts and melts into a look of awe and entusiasm. "Your serve was amazing just now! Next time, let me receive it again!"

That guy's impossible so okay, Noya-chan it is! They're teammates anyway and once they hit it off, it's actually endearing!

Started off by accident: it was raining, Oikawa ran into Noya (who didn't have an umbrella) right outside of a restaurant. Might as well dine, right?

Nishinoya hates small talk so awkwardness? Never met her!

Noya calls Oikawa 'Oika-san' at first. Switches to his given name after they start dating.

'Yuu-chan' is meant as a bit of a joke, but then it starts to hold more affection than what Oikawa would like to admit.

They don't use pet names all that often.

Usually, when Oikawa doesn't use any kind of honorific it means they're in the middle of something really intimate and important or that he wants Noya to seriously hear him out.

Noya speaks mainly through gestures and is a bit rough around the edges and not really into sappy stuff 'cause he gets flustered but I mean, he doesn't shy away from voicing his own feelings. He calls Oikawa 'babe' when they're being cocky during practice.

Like, they'd be on different sides of the net and then you hear him shout: "Bring it on babe!", and Oikawa, who's about to serve, will answer with a cocked up eyebrow and a sly, "Coming, hot-shot."

Yeah, hot-shot. 'Cause that's how his boy is: hawt.

• They bicker quite a bit (in childish way) and tend to rile each other up, especially on the court.

Given their positions, there's no rivalry between them (...in volleyball, mind ya). There's just a whole lot of admiration.

• Nishinoya's admiration will probably dislocate one of Oikawa's shoulders someday, but heh, love is tough.

And that's another thing: they have each other's back!

Noya's the hot-headed boyfriend who gets all protective, like, "Excuse you?! Got a problem? Come say it to my face, I dare you!"

He will fight anyone if he has to.

...doesn't gloat about it much though; Oikawa's ego is fine as it is.

He's supportive af (hella boisterous too) and always there cheering on Oikawa so fiercely, like, "BREAK A LEG, TOORU!" (pun unintended) or, "That serve was AWESOME!" or, "You're doing great!" [insert powerful slap on the backside]

Can you feel the love? 'Cause I can!

Oikawa, on the other hand, is pretty cheesy an shameless and yes we know your boyfriend he's amazing Shittykawa now shut up.

He knows Noya is admired by many people, and although he thinks he deserves it he also takes pride in being the one who gets the whole package deal.

He's elegantly smug about it, or so he likes to think. The truth is, he's not elegant at all.

They're neither opposites nor complementary, their personalities just mend so well though!

Noya is genuinely supportive and straightforward, Oikawa is reliable and attentive to a fault.

Oikawa gives Noya tips on how to toss better. He has his own way of doing it, but Noya almost never falls for it (also because tbh he often just doesn't get the irony lmao).

So ideally, that's how Watachi usually did it. But then again, compared to him you're quite small, Yuu-chan." "Hah?! D'you want me to kick you in the shin, Gulliver?"

The height difference is nice, jokes aside. Oikawa says that Noya's attitude could easily be measured as 6'2 and it's true and he finds it adorable and here's another reason why they're pretty physical, ladies and gentlemen.

Leaning against each other on the train because there's so little space and it's convenient? Check!

Hugs from behind? Especially in the morning? Check!

Picking your smol boyfriend up just for the hell of it? Double check!

Please, don’t ever say anything about Nishinoya’s small stature in front of Oikawa; the boy will look at you straight in the eyes and smirk, “Aw, trust me, he’s not as small as you think he is. At all.”

h e h .

They often train together outside of official practices and stuff their mouths afterwards.

Their dates are never boring, even when they just stay in!

Aquarium, roller-skating (Noya teaching Oikawa how not to fall on his ass), mall, planetarium (Noya can't stay quiet though), taking the train to go visit some city for the most varied reasons... anything really.

If they're in the city, Oikawa's the one to guide them (he knows how to read maps). Otherwise it's Noya, who is used to outdoors and has got an incredible internal compass.

Study dates are a thing but they usually take place at the library because Noya is easily distracted and Oikawa finds it cute, sure, but also quite unsettling. Like, he eventually snaps, why doesn't he ever worry? Where are his priorities? Is he even human?

He is, by the way. While not being a genius in school, Noya is pretty self-disciplined and we know he's pretty hard on himself, too. It's just that he balances it all with his attitude.

Oikawa, on the other hand, wants to be as good as he can possibly be and more. He's dedicated, he's pushing forwards to make his talent bloom and that's something that Noya deeply admires about him, even though he thinks (and says) that Oikawa is already talented.

Dates at home include cuddling, movies and TV series, stuff popping out of the oven that looked tasty on the internet, pillow fights, playful wrestling (Noya's fault), shenanigans we're not supposed to know about, conversations of any sort and more cuddling.

They enjoy going out to eat together even if they don't share the exact same taste in food.

Oikawa always manages to snatch one of Nishinoya's egg rolls and get away with it and given that Noya's got a bigger appetite let's be honest: if this isn't love then Idk what is.

Oikawa is one of the few people who can stand talking, eating and watching Nishinoya waving his hands around between a mouthful of food and a sentence (all of this at the same time) without getting a headache.

If you ask him, it's actually cute. Noya's talkative and expressive and he's witty, more mature than it seems and he makes Oikawa feel at ease, comfortable and carefree. Really, look at them and wonder at the high level of dorkiness (I might be making up words now, sorry).

They're both pretty observant and accepting. Oikawa has an analytical and restless mind, there is nothing he doesn't take note of as well as there is not knowing what is going through his head.

Despite all of this, Oikawa knows he has people who he can rely on though, and he actually trusts Nishinoya. The boy's bold and loud and energetic to a fault, but when nobody is looking it's almost scary how piercing and quick those eyes of his are.

The only thing he doesn’t trust Nishinoya with, it’s movies. They have very different preferences. While Oikawa loves sci-fi and films like E.T., Interstellar, Star Wars etc., Nishinoya is into action movies and basically anything that has him screaming his lungs off. Everyone knew Oikawa was serious about them when he came out with, “I found the perfect combination between my excellent taste in movies and, well, yours!”

Ended up being Mars Attacks! lmao.

Sometimes, they watch rom-coms together. Oikawa kinda likes them, Nishinoya doesn’t get the drama but still gets invested in them.

They’re not into the same exact music genre, really, but they once sang Wannabe (Space Girls) in the car. Dorks.

They're a weird mixure of being nosy/pushing and staying out of each other's hair when needed. Especially Noya, who's more independent from this point of view.

But when it's due, there is no escaping his intensively caring side. Oikawa can fight him as much as he wants.

They're both cuddly ~ So very cuddly!

Noya's restlessness made them roll off the couch once and Oikawa is pretty demanding and pouty when he wants to be, but it's really the warmest feeling in the world.

Oikawa's usually the big spoon since Noya's little and as snuggly as a koala(?). And a lot easier to deal with, too!

Reason being his boyfriend's literal softness and sweet scent; cue Noya covering Oikawa in kisses.

They switch though. Like I said, cuddle bugs!

Oikawa has got a bit of a habit of nuzzling Noya's neck when he's the one being held and because of his floofy hair, it always ends up like this: (x).

They do argue from time to time due to their different perspectives, but it never lasts aaaall that much. They're both pretty stubborn though.

The key is communication. In this case, while Oikawa can have difficulties, Nishinoya doesn't, since he's so confrontantional.

This is to say that they're not perfect; they just care enough to be willing to compensate each other and meet in the middle.

Also, they're pretty passionate, if you get my gist!~ (...don't look at me like that, they ain't kids).

Also, hand holding. A whole lot.

Picture these two idiots talking all snuggled up while playing with each other's fingers. You're welcome.

For real though, hands are probably their primary source of PDA.

Oikawa randomly petting Noya's head, Noya poking Oikawa's dimples; you name it!

Next best thing: hugs.

It's flying hugs when it's Noya initiating because he will never stop jumping on people's back. He's a bit more considerate with Oikawa due to his knee.

Nishinoya hugs Oikawa every single morning for 21 seconds straight before jumping out wide awake and full of energy. The shot of oxytocin he gets works wonders far better than coffee.

Speaking of coffee, Oikawa is not a morning person. At all. He’s quite bitchy and needs a lot of time to get ready (and lookable, so he says).

Nishinoya makes coffee for him when he gets up first, but he’s not very good at it since he never drinks it and therefore has never had to make it. He’s improving though, and Oikawa appreciates the effort.

Them icing their own knees late at night; Noya doing his best to massage Oikawa's knee with the essential oils in the gentlest way possible; Oikawa peppering Noya's colored bruises with small kisses.

Oikawa feeling comfortable enough to watch Area 51 documentaries while studying, glasses on and hair mussed, and Nishinoya letting him even though it's his own room because he's smitten and he knows it.

They're both cheesy and will shoot a random pick up line at each other that will result in laugher, sassiness or both. Other than that, they're the opposite of sappy; they're just dorks.

"I asked Kuro-chan to teach me this one!" He's got it written on his hand. "Are you made of copper and tellurium?" "Of what?" "Because you're CuTe!" "...Okay, the one he taught to me is: if I was an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes." "Kinky, Yuu-chan.~"

When they're not together (they're one year apart in university after all), they sometimes send a quick text or picture to each other. Just 'cause, you know.

Noya: "Do you think I'm pretty?" Oikawa: "No, you're too short and bossy and your nose is all funny."

( Spoiler alert: Oikawa thinks Nishinoya's the prettiest and he will eventually giggle and tell him so, seeing his adorably outraged face. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talks! )

#oinoya #noyaoi #nishinoya yuu #oikawa tooru #nishinoya #oikawa #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#oikawa x nishinoya #nishinoya x oikawa #headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #rarepairing #saturn&thunder #noya #haikyuu rare pair #ciel writes

7 notes · View notes

madrut16 · 6 years ago

Text

Day 6: Inherited (July Fanfic Challenge)

Author’s Note: I was going to post this late last night but, I ended up losing a portion of what I’d written so, I had to redo it and this is the final product. I’m super excited to share my spin on Bloodkeepers and my ideal version of how Gaius would be defeated which will come as later fics.

Book/Pairing: Bloodbound (Adrian x MC)

Rating: PG

Summary: After escaping the Order, Isabel turns to her grandmother Ginny for a place for the three of them to stay and ends up learning that there’s more to being a Bloodkeeper than Jameson let on.

@endlesshero1122 @kinda-iconic @desiree-0816 @choicesfannatalie @krishu213 @choices97 @jlpplays1 @riseandshinelittleblossom @brightpinkpeppercorn @ladykateofhousebeaumont @shelley-parah @tabithacarlisle

“We’re almost there,” Isabel announced, turning onto the right street according to her hand-written directions.

The twinkling soft glow of the city lights had a calming effect on her as they made their way through Paris, and she desperately wanted to take her time, marveling at the blend of old and new being illuminated so beautifully. But, unlike the first night, there was no time for sightseeing now that the Order had made their presence known. They had narrowly escaped Seraphine's club and made a quick stop to the apartment where they were instructed to collect their things and find somewhere else for refuge.

"I wish you could stay here," she had told them, still traumatized from yet another raid that could have been fatal. "But, I can't have them track us here. Which with you three, it makes it so much harder. I'm sorry."

Adrian had given her a reassuring smile, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. They all wore a similar haunted expression. "It's alright. I know you need to look out for yourself. We'll find someplace to stay, right?"

He turned to Isabel who had a thoughtful look on her face. "What?"

"I know someone here. A human. We had been so busy, I didn't think we'd have time to stop and visit but now...she might be our only option. Do you have a phone that I can borrow?"

Seraphine nodded. "Yes, there's a burner phone I keep in here for that purpose."

She quickly gave her the flip phone and Isabel wasted no time dialing the right person.

"Ginny? Hi, it's Isabel. Yeah, actually I'm in Paris with Adrian and a friend of ours. It was last minute. Look, I need a favor. We're, um, in a bit of a situation and we need to lay low for a while, can we stay with you?"

She watched Adrian's eyes flicker in recognition at the name. From all of the stories she told him, it was practically etched into his mind now. Meanwhile, Jax looked on in confusion.

A relieved smile blossomed on her face. "It will be, thank you. You're sure it's okay? Well, we'll be over there shortly then. Let me write it down." She found a pen and a piece of paper where she hastily wrote down the address and directions. After a minute more of conversation, she hung up.

"Who was that?" Jax asked, his eyebrows knitted.

Isabel exchanged a look with Adrian. "My grandmother."

And that's how they found themselves cautiously walking through the streets to their next destination, hoping, praying that the Order wasn't close by.

“Are you sure we should do this?” Jax grumbled, folding his arms warily.

She noticed that he’d been particularly apprehensive ever since the Order had come through those doors. It would be strange if they weren't all untrusting at the moment. But it was even more severe for their cynical friend.

She gave him a confident nod. “Yes. We’ll be much safer staying with Ginny than in a hotel. Plus, it’ll be much less of a hassle if we’re here long term.”

“And you’re sure she’ll let us stay?” He raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“Positive. She already knows that we’re coming. She’s happy to host us for as long as we’re here.”

Adrian flashed her a tired smile. “Resourceful as ever.”

Even though he didn’t age, she could see that the return of Gaius had taken a toll on him. She knew that he still felt awful about losing the fight against him. But there would ultimately be another one, and hopefully, they would be more prepared when that time finally came.

“I just wasn’t comfortable staying anywhere else, with the Order having a lot of resources,” she told him with a shrug she didn’t really mean. "And...if Gaius's ambitions are as high as I think they are, he might try to find us here too."

Jax’s face visibly paled and he uttered a few curse words. “Great, as if we needed more to worry about."

They soon stopped in front of a plain looking brownstone, and Isabel let out an excited sigh. “It’s just like I pictured. Come on, she should be waiting up for us.”

With new energy, she climbed up the small set of stairs. Shortly after she knocked on the front door, it opened to reveal a curvy older woman, still dolled up in her colorful clothes and a natural makeup look that fit her nicely. Even though she was 75, she looked several years younger. The resemblance between her and Isabel was immediate. The main difference between them being the darker complexion and eye color she received from her father.

Upon seeing them, a luminous smile appeared on the woman’s aging features. “Isabel, my child!” she squished her into a loving hug. “How I’ve missed you.”

She let go when Isabel gasped from lack of air. However, she was used to her grandmother’s over the top affection by now and recovered almost immediately.

“I’ve missed you too. Sorry for the short notice but, we’re in quite a unique situation.”

“That’s alright, you’re my grandchild,” she gushed in her carefree manner. Her personality was definitely still as youthful and lively as ever. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Besides, there’s more house than I know what to do with, so the more the merrier.”

They were swiftly shown inside the older home’s cozy living room. The place seemed small but its height made up for the lack of width.

Then, Isabel remembered that she still had introductions to make. “Oh! Before I forget, Jax, Adrian this is Ginny, my grandmother,” she said. “Jax is a friend of mine, he’s…an activist for some of the less fortunate in New York.”

“Is that so? How wonderful,” Ginny gushed.

He narrowed his eyes at her about the description and she shrugged. How else was she supposed to describe what he did without giving him away?

“That’s right,” he said, quickly rolling with it. “It’s, um, nice to meet you.”

Luckily for him, she didn’t seem to pick up on his hesitation, immediately shaking his hand. “And you too. You’ll have to tell me all about your work.”

With one person down, she turned to the one she'd been wanting to make for a few months. Granted, she didn't think it would be in this context.

"Moving on, I've already told you about Adrian," Isabel said. When she glanced over not hearing him, she paused once she saw his face frozen in surprise, almost spellbound. "Adrian?"

Finally, his shock was replaced with a warm, genuine smile. "Virginia Duplerier, well I'll be damned."

"I wasn't sure if you'd recognize me, it has been a while," Ginny responded.

Isabel blinked at them in confused shock. "Wait, you two know each other?!"

"She used to work for me as a secretary, back in the sixties when Raines' Corps was just starting to grow," Adrian answered with an amused chuckle. "And of course I remember you, even back then you were pretty hard to forget. I should've connected the dots sooner."

"You didn't know?" Jax whispered, not sure what to make of this development. Isabel shook her head.

She turned to Ginny. "Why didn't you say anything when I told you about us?" A surreal feeling overwhelmed her. It wasn't a common thing for your grandmother to have worked for the same person you do. Or currently dating. For it to be both was truly unthinkable.

The eclectic woman smiled at her cheekily. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"You certainly love those." Another connection soon formed in Isabel's overachieving mind. "Wait, does that mean that you know that...he's…"

"A vampire yes," Ginny said with a laugh. "I see Adrian is still just as bad at keeping it a secret."

The skin between her granddaughter's brows creased. "I thought I was the first to decline being debriefed."

"You are," he told her. "Virginia was brought in the same way Nicole was. Deliberately. I thought that she could be useful and that she was ready to know our secrets. And like you, she certainly didn't disappoint."

"Well, I guess I should tell you that I'm one as well," Jax said hesitantly. "I was the Clanless leader until--"

He was interrupted by Ginny. "Oh yes, I know who you are. You're the one who replaced Vega, aren't you?"

"Wha--how do you know?"

Adrian was the one who answered. "She's always been rather perspective."

"Also, I help out the vampires here in Paris, keep them hidden from the Order. News from New York travels fast, even across the ocean," she elaborated. "I'm assuming you're on the run from them?"

Jax's mouth fell open in shock before he let out a long whistle. "Small world."

"Yes, indeed. Would you like to sit down and relax, have a drink?"

Isabel shared a knowing look with her vampire companions. They definitely didn't need any more alcohol, having just sobered up from their time in the club.

"Do you have coffee?" she asked instead as they sat on the couch.

"Of course darling. And you two?"

They both agreed to have the same. Once the hot beverages were served, the time seemed to fly by as the lighthearted conversation and storytelling flowed freely. Then, Adrian filled her in on the developments in New York.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. It’s a shame about Lester though, he wasn’t my favorite person but...at least he was loyal,” Ginny sighed, then her gaze fixed on Isabel’s, inquisitive and thoughtful.

"Something on your mind, Ginny?" she wondered out loud.

Her grandmother gave her a secretive half-smile. "Ah, I see you're perceptive as ever. I've just been thinking about you and you're natural...astuteness." She then posed a question of her own. "Tell me, has anything...weird happened to you lately?"

"Define weird…"

Ginny sighed, the wheels turning in her mind. Finally, she inquired, "Have you seen anything inside your mind, like a vision? Or are there any blank spots in your memory? Like you know you've seen something but you don't know what?"

Isabel was taken aback by the specificness of her questions.

Suddenly, her mind flashed back to when Jameson pulled that memory out of her in the museum and the search for the Book of the Blood in her mind. Those certainly seemed like they would count. She then recalled that he mentioned something about leaving fragments and she connected that to all of the instances she couldn't explain, like at Priya's club all those nights ago. How she was upright one minute and then something caught her eye and the next thing she knew, she was on the ground next to the bar feeling like she'd been drugged.

And then, she remembered the memory of the cabin and the pain it had caused, almost like electricity was inside of her. There was also the painting in the tomb earlier that night. Closing her eyes, the scene consumed her once more.

She came out of it with a violent jolt. “Actually, I have.” She relayed her thoughts to the group.

Adrian frowned in concern, placing a hand over hers. “You didn’t tell me about any fragments. And when I had found you in the club, you seemed fine to me.”

"I never noticed anything down in the ruins either," Jax added, also becoming slightly agitated.

Isabel shrugged. “With the paintings, the feeling wears off quickly and they didn’t hurt, not like the memory I saw of your family Adrian. The others are much less painful, only a weird tingling sensation.”

She looked over at Ginny whose expression was one of wonder and light, her blue eyes sparkling.

The elderly woman grasped her hand. "So it's what I thought. You are one of us," she murmured in excitement.

"What?"

Ginny stood up tugging on her arm. "Come, Isabel," she urged. "There's something I want to show you." She turned to the two men staring at her in shock. "You two can come too, I believe that this will be useful for all of you."

They look at each other in confusion and Isabel shrugged. “I can’t say I’m not curious.”

“So am I,” Adrian said, his lips turning up in amusement. “You weren’t exaggerating about her.”

Jax muttered in reluctance but stood up also. They followed her up the creaky stairs to the top floor, which had two rooms and one narrow hallway separating them.

“Ginny?” Isabel asked once they reached one of the closed doors.

“Remember the attic from my house in Georgia? This is where I'm keeping my special collection now. "

Her granddaughter's face lit up in recognition. "You never let us go in there. That was the one place that was off limits."

"I know. That’s because you weren’t ready yet. Now, darling, based on what you’ve told me, you definitely are.”

They followed her inside and Isabel gasped, stopping a few feet inside.

“Woah.”

Her curious gaze floated around the old-fashioned library appreciatively. However, she could immediately tell that this one was special.

"Are these all…?" Adrian asked, picking up on the peculiar content as well.

Ginny confirmed with a nod what they all saw. All of the books and objects were of the dark and supernatural variety.

“I knew you were into this stuff, but I didn’t know you were this obsessed,” she marveled.

Jax had already gravitated towards a particular corner. “Wait, you have a whole section on vampires?” he wondered in awed amazement.

He wasn't regretting coming up with them now.

“Yes,” Ginny replied. “I have the most information on your kind. Especially first-hand accounts I’ve collected over the years.”

Isabel felt a magnetic-like pull towards that part as well and she skimmed the rows of books and scrolls of centuries-old parchment, some may have been millennia old. "Are you documenting the entire history of vampires or something?"

Her question was meant to be a joke but, her surprise Ginny nodded.

"Trying to."

Several minutes later, her attention gravitated towards what appeared to be a closet in another corner of the room.

“What’s in here?”

“Ah, that, my darling, is what I’ve brought you here to see,” her grandmother replied, at her side impossibly fast. “Go inside.”

At her urging, Isabel turned the knob and as she entered, she stopped in her tracks. This wasn't a closet, but a secret room.

“Guys, come look at this!” she exclaimed, and Adrian and Jax quickly joined the two in the small space.

“This is…rather interesting.” Adrian mused.

It looked perfectly normal with a casual glance—just another array of bookshelves and a desk with a decade old computer. But then, as her eyes focused on the smaller details, she noticed that the room’s surface level appearance was deceiving.

Almost all of the titles on the shelves lining two of the walls are in Latin. Although she studied the language in high school, she could barely decipher it now. A particular set of thick volumes caught her attention and she walked over, picking one of them up and immediately groaning due to the weight.

“Whoa, these are heavy. Is this made of gold?” she joked, having to hold it with both hands. Then, her eyes drifted towards the title of the volume. “….Abscondita in lucem. What is this, an encyclopedia of some sort?”

Ginny was by her side in seconds. “Yes, my child. Of us, and our gift. I believe an acquaintance of yours might have said something about it already.”

Isabel looked at her in confusion until she quickly realized what she was alluding to. “Scholar Jameson?” she gaped, flicking a glance at an equally shocked Adrian.

“Oh yes, I know of him all too well. He was running that museum even back in the sixties and we had many encounters while I worked for Adrian,” her grandmother commented, with a frown. “I never liked him from the start, he was too charming, it was too much to be genuine. There had to be an ulterior motive. Oh, how right I was. He and his stupid fragments.”

Everything she said resonated with Isabel. Suddenly, she gasped, her eyes widening. “Wait, you're...you're a Bloodkeeper too?!”

“Yes, Isabel. In fact, it's a part of our DNA. We’re a part of a long line of them since ancient times. However, it’s very difficult to trace because it only passes through our maternal lines. Last names change, generations can skip. The lineages even split off into three distant branches around the 1600s. Every generation one is born from each, that’s one thing Jameson didn’t quite get right about us."

The large family tree hanging on the wall above the desk suddenly made a lot of sense now.

A sense of dread suddenly came over Isabel, reading her grandmother’s body language. "Wait, about Jameson, did he do something to you?"

A haunted expression clouded the woman's face, startling her. It was the first time she'd seen her grandmother unnerved by anything.

“Yes, he used me to get to those instructions for how to open the sarcophagus," Ginny sighed before her voice hardened. "Tried to get me to join their cause too, become a spy for them. He even offered to Turn me despite it being forbidden. I of course refused but, by then it was already too late. He already took what he wanted."

It was eerily similar to what he did to Isabel and she shuddered.

Meanwhile, a look of painful realization hit Adrian. "Wait, Ginny, was he the reason you quit? I had a feeling something had unnerved you."

She nodded after a brief pause. "I thought that was the only thing I could do. I couldn't control my memories or who could get a hold of them. I felt like I was a failure at my job because I couldn't stop him from using me. I was scared that he would keep doing it, that having me around was doing more harm than good. So, I left. I went to Georgia with Lori, your mother Isabel."

The account sank into all of them, the invisible weight thickening the air in the room.

"Why...why didn't you say anything? If I had known, I could've done something, prevented what's occurred now," Adrian wondered, this truth once again a painful one for him.

There was a dry scoff, the anger still palpable. "No, Jameson was a determined fellow. He would've found a way to get what he wanted, deliver for his master with or without my involuntary help. It just might have taken a little longer." She shook her head. "He told me all about the justification, how all humans were evil and inferior. But, they've become just as intolerable as the Order has."

"So, he wasn't telling the whole truth?" Isabel said, her voice rising. "The only information he gave me was the memories part and how weak and frail I was."

"Oh no, that was the same thing he told me. But, I had a feeling that it wasn't the full story. After about five years after leaving New York, I finally acted on my suspicions and guilt," Ginny explained. "I wanted to make sure that the generations after me learned to control and use it. Finished what I couldn't."

Her grandmother's message was well received. "Meaning...me."

She was met with another nod. "Ever since I've been collecting these, searching for the truth. And I've largely found it, thanks to my grandmother who was the one from our branch before us and to members of the others who had these."

"But, we're still human."

"Well yes." Then a knowing smile. "But so are vampires. It's funny how Gaius despises us and ordinary people so much but ignores the fact that he’s one too.”

This was news to both Isabel and the two vampires in the room.

"What?" Jax's eyes widened.

Ginny commented with a raised eyebrow. "I'm assuming Gaius and your maker never mentioned that detail."

He and Adrian confirmed this with their confused stares.

Then she explained, "Yes, vampires are all biologically human. You are, Gaius is, even Rheya was after her transformation. We're just different kinds of humans. While ordinary people and Bloodkeepers are born from life, you are created. When someone is Turned, it causes a permanent change in certain parts of their DNA."

"Adrian…" Isabel met his gaze. She knew how much this information would mean to him.

"Ginny, how--? You're serious?" He stammered in disbelief.

The woman's smile widened. "Of course I am Adrian. But don't take it from me, read it for yourself. One of the books in there is the Biology of Supernatural Humans. There's a whole chapter on vampires. Also, if Tony is still in charge of your lab, you can ask him. I had him confirm it for me back...oh...sometime in the nineties I believe?"

His open mouth quickly changed to a radiant smile. "I'll... I'll have to do that."

Ginny's inquisitive eyes flicked between him and Isabel, then they settled as if she had decided something. "Actually, you and Jax can have a look now while I take Isabel and show her the room across the hall."

Her granddaughter caught on to her motives somewhat. Whatever she wanted her to see or do, she didn't want them to know for some reason.

She gave Adrian a questioning look, a silent conversation between them.

"Go ahead," he told her with a smile.

She could tell he was curious about what they were about to do, but he wasn't going to act on it. With that, they walked out of the secret room and she followed Ginny out into the hall.

"What's this room for?" She asked.

Her question was answered while her grandmother unlocked the door. "This is completely dedicated to Bloodkeepers. Specifically, to learn about our powers and training to use them."

Stepping inside the larger space, Isabel could tell this purpose almost immediately, her mouth falling open in a silent gasp. The floor was covered in a wrestling mat and was mostly clear minus the fighting equipment and targets. Hugging the walls were several storage bins and shelves.

Then, her gaze fixed on a particular corner. Approaching it, her eyes widened looking in the canvas bins.

"What the--?" she exclaimed, taking in the various knives, daggers, and other weapons inside. "Is this for close combat?"

"Yes. You see, Isabel, our ability to see memories is only one of many abilities Bloodkeepers possess," Ginny said. She gestured to the volume of Arcana Imperii in her hands. "Open it to page 5, it lists them all."

Doing as she was told, Isabel frowned. "This is all in Latin. I can't read this!"

"I think you can. You just need to concentrate on the words. It should come to you."

She pursed her lips skeptically but followed her directions, staring at the fading black ink. After a few tries, the words were suddenly understandable. It was as if she had a built-in translator.

"How--? This is amazing?!"

"It's one of our active powers, meaning they're always present once you've come into contact with a vampire or you turn 25, whichever comes first. You should have experienced these by now."

Isabel read down the list and they all were familiar to her. Now her high intellect and intuition made much more sense, and why she was always so good at track and dance. There was one that confused her though.

"Enhanced senses?" she asked.

"You haven't smelled things really well? Heard things from far away?"

The feral attack. She had heard that woman scream from the edge of Central Park Adrian had. On the opposite end.

"Actually, I have. I just didn't think anything of it before," she replied. Then she saw the next subheading. "Dormant powers?"

"These aren't automatic, they need to be summoned or turned on and off with a Latin phrase: ab origine, ab antiquo, ab aeterno."

The translation immediately came to Isabel. From the origin, from the ancient, from the eternal.

She went through the list out loud. "Heightened speed and agility even more than active ability...increased strength...electricity attacks and white light manipulation?!"

Her breath caught at the last two, piquing her interest. "What are these?"

"They both come from the same concept and they have their own summon on top of the main one," Ginny answered. "We have this innate energy in us which comes from our original purpose. This manifests itself in these two power categories. White light is the use of the powers of light for good purposes, including healing abilities and negating mind control."

"And electricity attacks?"

"They're another power to be used while fighting. Methods include hand blasts, lightning projection, and the one way the purest of vampires can be slain, lightning infusion of these." She gestured to the bins in front of them.

"Wait," Isabel said, the underlying message becoming clear as day. "Are you saying that...I'm the only one who can kill Gaius now?"

"You are as far as I know," Ginny told her. "I'm far too old to use mine for more than training and research."

Her mind was reeling from the influx of information. But, she also was starting to feel elated, empowered. She wasn't a burden to the group after all. She belonged with them.

"Why can't the others know about this?" she wondered, referring to the men in the other room. "Wouldn't this be beneficial for them to hear too."

Her grandmother gave her a smile. "Jax as long as he's trustworthy I don't see a problem with you telling now. In fact, he could be very useful in helping with your physical training."

"What about Adrian?"

"I see the way he looks at you, I can tell how protective he is," Ginny admitted. "And while that's a good thing and I'm glad you're with him. I fear that he might not let you do this. The process is risky and in a stressful situation like a battle with Gaius, if you're not prepared, it could malfunction or not work, putting you in danger. Especially because the infusion needs close contact to be effective. But, there might not be another option now that he's consumed Rheya's blood. Adrian can find out eventually, but not before you're fully trained."

Isabel couldn't argue with that, remembering how she had to physically push him away from the battle back in New York.

She bit her lip. "What would...all of this training entail exactly?"

"Well, we would have to spend several hours each day to get you to full potential in such a short time. I will warn you it will be draining for you, it is a weakness that comes with our gift, especially since it won't be spread out like is recommended. That's why I won't make you do this if you don't want to, I'll help you three find another way. It's up to you."

Isabel closed her eyes and processed the choice in front of her. It would be dangerous and a lot of pressure placed upon her shoulders. She also hated the thought of keeping such a big thing hidden from Adrian. But, just like when she decided to keep her knowledge all those months ago, she felt a sense of purpose, a calling.

After all of the years of people telling her she wasn't good enough and that she had to depend on others, she had the chance to take control of her own story. To have the opportunity to fight herself, to be the one protecting others all while fulfilling her desire to do good, shape a better, peaceful world, it was liberating.

This is was something she was meant to do.

"I'll do it," she said decisively.

"You will?"

Isabel nodded, a smile forming. "I'm a fighter, Ginny, this is what I want. I can handle the responsibility."

Ginny looked at her granddaughter, a world of possibilities and hope in her eyes. "I was hoping you'd say that. We'll get started later this afternoon, I want you to get some sleep beforehand."

"Okay."

She knew that coming here would be the right decision, that Ginny would be helpful. She just hadn't anticipated that she would provide the answers Isabel needed the most. She wasn’t going to let her down.

#playchoices #choices stories you play #choices july challenge #bloodbound #adrian x mc #adrian x isabel #adrian raines #bloodbound 2

34 notes · View notes