#i think it feels worse all of the sudden bc im putting my two weeks in this weekend. so i can see the end of the tunnel

[redrreign]

the spike of despair i feel every time i look at my calender and see my work hours is such a shit feeling

[hangovercurse]

Crash Into Me

You’d been MGK’s assistant for years, but you never thought you had a chance at anything more with him until one stoplight changes everything.

Request: “ok im so sorry if this is 2 specific but ive had this idea for ages abt pining!colson x an insecure/clueless!reader who has been his assistant forever. she gets into a car accident and calls him hours later to tell him that a temp will be taking her place for a few weeks (bc of injuries) and he's like ?? why?? she explains nonchalantly, then kells kinda freaks out and shows up at the hospital all worried”

Colson Baker X Reader

Warnings: Cursing, car accident (descriptive)

A/N: This was cute 😊

Word Count: 3185

“Alright Kells, I’m out for the night. I’ll email those tracks to the board when I get home and I’ll let you know if I get any updates for tomorrow’s press.” You told the blond man who was sitting on the couch as you put your laptop into your bag. You tried not to yawn as you heaved it over your shoulder, “anything else?”

You glanced at the kitchen clock that read 2 am and let out a small sigh. You were used to late nights given your job as assistant to a rockstar, but most nights you were able to leave before 8 pm. Tonight you and Colson had gotten really invested in the tracks you were editing and lost track of time.

“Y/N,” he turned to look at you with puppy dog eyes. He wanted something that you really weren’t gonna want to give him. “Could you come over early tomorrow to help me pick out what to wear for the Vanity Fair interview?”

You chuckled, “you know they have their own wardrobe department?”

He sighed, “yeah but you know me so much better than all those stylists. I trust your opinion more.”

You rolled your eyes as he tilted his head, begging you. “Fine, but I’m buying us coffee with your credit card.”

He broke out into a smile, “thank you, love you!” He called as you walked towards his front door.

“Whatever, I’ll see you tomorrow.” You told him, taking your car keys into your hands, and stepping out into the LA night. There was a soft breeze that shook the trees slightly, making you smile. It felt nice outside for the first time in a while.

Because of this, you decided to drive home with your windows rolled down, letting the wind flow through your hair. The roads were pretty barren by LA standards, so traffic was pretty much non-existent. You were sitting at a red light, your fingers tapping against your steering wheel as one of Colson’s songs played through your speakers softly.

You reached to turn up the volume as the light turned green. You pressed the gas, your car moving forward into the intersection. Suddenly you heard a loud squeal of brakes, looking over to your passenger window to the sight of two headlights barreling towards you. You tried to speed up to get out of the way, but it was too late.

The truck rammed straight into the side of your small car, pushing your vehicle over into the car next to you. You put your left arm up to shield you from any flying debris, but it was futile. The infrastructure of your car fell apart at the force, the dashboard collapsing onto your right leg. Luckily, your left leg managed to avoid the destruction.

You could barely feel the force of the whiplash due to the pain in your abdomen at the deployment of the airbag. Glass from the car next to you fell into your car through your open window, cutting into your skin.

And then all of a sudden, everything stopped. The truck that had hit you had stopped moving, allowing you to fully assess the damage. Your car was totaled for sure, and your leg was definitely crushed. You cried out in pain, breathing heavy and trying to see straight. You could hear the sound of sirens in the distance, giving you some sense of relief.

When the paramedics got to the scene, you were the last passenger to be taken out of the crash due to your car being in the center. A firefighter had to break the glass of your windshield, which was already cracked, in order to pull you out. When you told him your leg was stuck under the dashboard, he sent a team of men to lift it from your foot and another to pull you out of the wreckage.

They were all amazed you were still conscious but got very worried when you told them you couldn’t feel the pain in your leg. You rode in an ambulance to the hospital, the EMTs helping pick the glass from your skin and assessing your injuries. You made jokes with them to calm yourself down, something that you did with Colson and Rook whenever they got into accidents while you were out with them.

You thought about giving them Colson’s name when they asked about your emergency contact but decided against it. You didn’t want to worry him until absolutely necessary. You figured you’d see what the doctor had to say and if you wouldn’t be able to come back to work, then you would tell him.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the doctor said. In fact, you wouldn’t be able to leave the hospital for at least a week due to your shattered leg, bruised abdomen, and concussion.

The leg would require at least 2 if not more surgeries to repair and you would be on close watch for development of a more serious brain injury. After that you most likely wouldn’t be able to be back on your feet for another 8 to 12 weeks, which was kind of a requirement for your job.

It was almost 5am, so you weren’t necessarily thinking straight when you called Colson from your cracked phone. He answered, his voice conveying how tired he was. “Y/N? Everything okay?”

“Hey Kells, I’m not gonna be able to come in early tomorrow, or at all. I’m gonna start looking for a temporary replacement tomorrow if I’m feeling up to it. Oh! And I couldn’t send those tracks to the board, sorry.” You told him, only half registering the words you were saying.

The confusion was evident in his voice, “what? Why do you need to find a replacement?”

You realized you had forgotten to tell him what happened. “Oh, yeah! It’s kind of funny.” You started, chuckling but then realizing that laughing made your stomach hurt even more. “And by funny, I mean not funny at all. I got into a car accident. Some dude ran into my car in an intersection and now I’m in the hospital.”  

“Which hospital?” Colson asked, suddenly much more awake.

“Hollywood Presbyterian.” You told him, “why?”

He sounded like he was rushing around, which he was. “I’m coming to see you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “why? I’m fine, you don’t need to do that. You have a big interview tomorrow, you should sleep.”

Colson sighed, “fuck the interview, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Colson you don’t-“ You started, but he hung up before you could tell him not to come.

Why was he rushing to see you in the hospital? Sure, you were friends, but he had much more important things to worry about right now. And besides, you were more casual work friends. He wouldn’t even know you existed if you didn’t work for him. Sure, you had a huge crush on him, but he was your boss, you were just someone he asked to do things he didn’t want to do.

 20 minutes later Colson ran into the hospital room, stopping when he saw you in the bed. Your face was red from chemical burn and a few cuts of glass. Your right leg was propped up with basic bandaging around it. His heart broke at the thought of how much pain you had probably been in.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly, moving to sit in the chair on your left side.

You shrugged, “I’ve been better.”

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?” He asked, eyes full of pity.

“I didn’t want to bother you unless it was serious. Figured I’d find out if I would have to miss work before telling you.” You said, squeezing your eyes shut as a headache washed over you.

Colson’s mouth gaped open, “you didn’t want to bother me? You got in a car crash and you weren’t gonna call me unless you would have to miss work?”

You shrugged again, “yeah. If my laptop wasn’t completely crushed in the accident I would’ve just found and sent a temp in tomorrow, but obviously that’s impossible.”

“Y/N you’re kidding me, right?” He asked, exasperated. You furrowed your eyebrows in response, causing a sigh to fall from his lips. “Y/N I don’t give a shit about a temp; I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh, I’m fine. A little shaken and these headaches are killer, but they gave me a lot of pain medication so, I’m fine.” You smiled at him, your thoughts racing as you tried to figure out why he cared so much about how you were feeling.

He nodded, hand reaching out and landing on top of yours gently. “So, do they have to do surgery? What all did the doctors say?” He asked, worry in his eyes.

You nodded, “yeah, at least 2 surgeries. One around 11 am and then depending on how that one goes they’ll schedule the next. And they have to watch me to make sure my concussion doesn’t get worse.”

He pulled out his phone, typing away. “What are you doing?” You asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

“I just emailed the PR liaison for Vanity Fair and told them I wouldn’t be able to make it to the interview.” He responded.

“Why did you do that?” You asked through a yawn.

He looked at you like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, “because I have to be with you right now.”

You were very confused as to why he thought he had to be here. “Colson, I’ll be fine. You should go to the interview. You don’t have to stay here.”

“I do have to be here. I want to be here.” He said, sternly.

“Why?” You asked, trying to keep your eyes open.

“Because I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’ll just call you after the surgery, it’s no big deal.” You responded lazily.

He shook his head, “I want to stay here with you, Y/N. Okay? I care about you.”

You were too tired to process what he was saying at this point, so you just let out a hum. “I need to make sure you’re okay. I need to see you being okay. When you called me, I swear I was gonna have a heart attack if I didn’t see you.” He continued.

You were barely awake at this point, letting out a simple, “I’m okay” before slipping into unconsciousness.

 Suddenly you were back in your car, “Bloody Valentine” playing from your speakers. The sky was dark green, almost like a painting. In front of you, the red light turned green. Like clockwork, you pressed the gas, moving into the intersection. Suddenly, the lights disappeared, and you heard the familiar chilling sound of breaks squealing. You looked over and saw those headlights coming towards you, getting closer and closer, brighter, and brighter.

You screamed at the sight, the familiar paralyzing fear coursing through your body again. “Y/N!” Your name played through the radio. That’s not in the song, you thought. “Y/N!” Colson’s voice rang out again before the truck made contact with your car.

You woke up in a cold sweat to Colson standing over you, hands shaking your shoulders lightly. “Y/N.” He said, relieved when your eyes began to open.

Your entire body was shaking like a poodle and your arms subconsciously reached for Colson, hanging onto his shirt for dear life. “It was just a dream.” He whispered as your eyes darted around the room. “You’re okay.” He reassured you.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, hands leaving the fabric and moving to cover up your face. “I’m sorry.”

Colson sat on the bed next to you, legs hanging off the side as he stroked your face gently. “It’s okay, baby.” He turned to the nurse who opened the door, a worried expression on her face. He shook his head at her, “sorry, she just had a nightmare. She’s okay.” The nurse nodded but stayed in the room anyways, checking your vitals.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled again, the words seeming to be the only thing you could say.

Colson shook his head, “stop saying that, it’s okay.” You pouted at him, trying to scoot over so he would lay down next to you, but it was way too painful. “What are you doin?” He asked, a smile on his face.

You sighed, “wanted you to sit next to me but I can’t move because of this stupid leg.” You motioned to the leg in question.

Colson chuckled, “I can sit next to you in the chair.”

“That didn’t work last time.” You whined.

He looked at you with an expression that was both amused and confused. You were definitely still high on pain medication. “What didn’t work.”

“It didn’t stop the nightmare.” You frowned, hand reaching for his. He chuckled, standing up fully and looking at the nurse.

She flashed him an amused smile, “If you want, we can try to move her. I don’t know how much we can do without hurting her ribs, though.”

Colson nodded with a gracious smile, “hear that? We can’t move you because of your ribs.”

You glared at him, “I may be very high right now, but I’m not that high.” You said, making him giggle. “She said you could try.”

Colson let out an exasperated sigh, one arm going under your back and the other under your left leg. “Is this what it’s like taking care of me all the time?” He asked and you nodded your head firmly.

“Yep. Except I am much smaller than you, so you have less work to do with me.” You smiled as he lifted you off the bed, which quickly turned into a grimace. “Ow!” You yelped and Colson quickly set you down, slightly closer to the right side of the bed.

“Fuck, sorry princess. Are you okay?” He asked, voice soft.

You nodded, sucking in your bottom lip to block the whimpers of pain that threatened to escape your mouth. “You probably don’t remember, but one time you were so crossed that you called me to pick you up from a party. But you couldn’t make it out of the car, so I had to carry you into your house. And then you demanded to sleep in your own room, so you made me drag you up the stairs instead of passing out on the couch like normal.”

Colson let out a breathy chuckle, glad you weren’t hurt too much. He carefully sat onto the cot next to you, pulling up his right leg to sit on the bed. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you into him slightly. You shifted so that you were comfortable, left hand finding his own left hand and holding it. He brought his left leg up onto the bed so he was fully laying with you.

Your head rest on his chest, a soft smile on your face as his thumb rubbed circles on your hand. The nurse left, satisfied that you wouldn’t hurt yourself further. Colson pressed a small kiss to the top of your head, causing your eyebrows to furrow.

“What time is it?” You asked him, to which he responded by pulling out his phone and showing you the lock screen. 8:47am. You nodded, a frown on your face, “did you get any sleep?” You asked him softly.

“I’m fine, I was asleep for a few hours before you called me.”

You sighed, feeling guilty. “You should go home and get some sleep.”

You felt him shake his head from behind you, “I’m staying right here.”

Despite wanting to force him to go home, you couldn’t help the happiness you felt at his stubbornness to stay with you. “You know you don’t need to be here. I won’t be offended if you leave.”

He chuckled, “stop trying to get me to leave. I’m here. On my own accord, okay? I’m gonna take care of you.”

You paused, thinking about the word floating around your head. “Why?” you whispered.

Colson’s face scrunched in confusion, “what do you mean “why”? Because you’re my friend and I care about you.”

“I mean, yeah. But I’m not like a “drop everything” kind of friend, I’m just your assistant.” You muttered.

Colson made an “are-you-serious?” face and let out a snort. “Seriously? You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You mean the world to me, of course I’d drop everything for you.”

You couldn’t think of a response, his words making your heart race. “oh.” Was the best you could come up with.

“Y/N, seriously, you think way too low of yourself. You’re amazing.” He said, nose burying into your hair.

You shrugged, “you only say that because I take care of you when you’re drunk and help you do all the things you don’t want to do.”

Colson’s expression softened, a frown forming on his face. “I’m saying that because I think the world of you. You’re the kindest, funniest, coolest person I know. I meant it, when you told me you were in the hospital, my heart almost stopped. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about you being hurt.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I wish you could see how much you mean to me.” He mumbled.

You were quiet for a little while, processing what he had said. “You’re only saying that because I’m in the hospital.” You muttered, a frown on your face. You were trying to keep your hopes low, knowing once you were out of here, he would regret saying any of this.

“Y/N, are you being serious right now? I’m saying this because I’ve been fucking in love with you for the past year and a half.” He said and you could feel your breath catch in your throat. “I can’t believe you don’t see it.”

You bit your lip, turning to look up to him. “I just- I didn’t want- you wouldn’t.” You stumbled over your words, taking a deep breath, and starting again. “I didn’t want to read too much into it or get my hopes up. I figured you’d never be into someone like me so I just told myself you were being nice. I thought you only treated me well because I worked for you.” You mumbled.

He frowned, holding you tighter to him, “I am so, so into you. You are the only woman in my life who has ever stuck by me through my worst shit. Like even when I was a total jackass you stayed with me. How could I not fall in love with you?”

You bit your lip, tears threatening to spill at his sweet sentiment. You’d never had anyone say something that kind about you. You’d always assumed people only kept you around because you did stuff for them, but here was the man you were in love with telling you that he cared about you for you.

“I love you too.” You whispered, leaning your head further into his chest.

[pepprs]

ok so…. i know all i have been doing is posting about moving for the last few days but i have another moving post. i don’t think im moving tomorrow or Thursday or friday or Saturday or even Sunday. i think I am moving Monday and i would like to formally request advice from my beloved mutuals on tumblr dot com (no pressure though) about whether or not i should set that into stone because the situation is complicated and still up in the air. it is literally FIVE DAYS it doesn’t even matter but it feels so big to me. lots of stuff under the cut

so basially the reason i would be moving on monday instead of just waiting another day is bc on thursday my dad is driving 8 hours to clean out his childhood home w his siblings bc my grandma died in sept and they’re selling the house 🤪✌️ and he will be gone until sunday (though im worried something will h*ppen either like. S*mething B*d or just that it’ll take them too long for him to make it home by Sunday). so my mom and sister are freaking out abt him being exposed to covid and being away from home where they can’t take care of him and stuff and if i go before he goes they will be even more worried bc they’ll have to worry abt me on top of him. plus my mom is very skittish abt covid so if i were to move back on like friday or something she wouldn’t be able to help me bring all my bags and stuff from the car to the door of the building. so yeah it’s kinda dumb but even still i personally am hesitating bc when my dad went to the memorial service in oct we were all basket cases and it’s gonna be worse this time bc he’ll be there for longer and rates are higher and stuff. and i remmeber how scared we all were and how much we cried and i don’t wanna put my family thru that and honestly? if something were to h*ppen to him god forbid? i wouldn’t be able to come home to be with my family bc my mom would freak out abt covid stuff. so there’s all that.

now for moving to campus… i am scared of covid and im scared of my roommates. those two things are always gonna be things im up against regardless of when i go back so beating myself up over delaying encountering them an extra 5 days is kinda ridiculous but i am scared to go back and im worried that deciding to stay is just feeding into my fears. also those of u who were here before august 2021 May Remember that i wanted to get out of this house with a vengeance and well… i think this time during the month and a half almost ive been here.. things have been better. my mom actually told me yesterday she has been making an effort to be better and ive noticed it and while things are still… pretty not great in some areas i do think things between us are better than they were last year. so things have not been that bad and honestly.. it’s not gonna sound like me but. i actually am not really in a hurry to go back to my life there. like all of a sudden i am perfectly content with being in a bubble where im safe and can be loud and wild and cozy and all of that. idk. but am i just saying that bc im scared of going back to growing my wings??????

anyways epic and sexy pros and cons list time

————————

IF I MOVED TOMORROW:

PROS: not missing anything at work, getting extra time with my colleague-besties who i adore very much especially on friday when everyone is in the office, having a decent and consistent space to do class and work from sooner, having more freedom with my habits sooner

CONS: being away from my family during a hard time, being in pain and causing them pain on top of pain that we know is going to happen this week, making them feel like my chosen family > my blood family for the 8364397448th time (it actually kinda is > though lawl), getting up early to finish packing bc today has been insane and im like 30% done but i still have to write 2 discussion posts by noon and im supposed to be moved in by 11 💔

IF I MOVED ON MONDAY:

PROS: being with my family during a hard time, not adding extra pain onto pain that will already be happening this week, proving that i do actually love / care abt them when i feel like they don’t think so, having more time to pack. also important to note is that i have a 10am on Friday that is in person and while it ends at 12 my brother is in class until 2:30. so i would get to go to my room and/or hang out in the office or do whatever.. i just can’t take off my mask to eat when im inside buildings / around other ppl. (if i was not coming home i would go back to doing what i was doing in the fall even though i will be more scared now bc of omicron: eating in private rooms (e.g. my bedroom, the 1-person private satellite office) and occasionally in the office with no more than 2 other ppl there at a time who are masked while im doing it. and eating in the office = pulling down my mask just long enough to get the food in my mouth not taking it off entirely the entire time i eat btw). also.. not to say this but not having to be quiet on my calls / meetings in order to respect my roommates who don’t like loud noises LOL

CONS: missing out on independent time i want and am paying for, bothering my roommates / RA by giving them a heads up that i am moving in later than expected for a THIRD time in the last 48 hours, missing banter / interesting moments in the office with my colleague-besties, having to go outside in the freezing cold to eat if im hungry, having to leave in the middle of a conversation when i really don’t want to go, feeding into my anxiety about going back to living independently, possibly disappointing friends who know im giving in to my family’s needs over my own when that is dangerous for me lawl 🤪

————

so yeah idk. pros and cons lists are hard bc there’s not an easy way to assign a weight to stuff but…… avoiding causing my family pain is a heavy one. so i am leaning towards that which means it’s basically a guarantee that that is what im doing bc if i wasn’t doing that i would be packing instead of writing this post since i was supposed to be there by 11 tmrrw! but idk i need advice i am overthinking this 🤕

[heyitsyn]

,,,,OK Kurat

Soulmate!Bokuto

a/n: when bokuto refuses to fix his roots and let the gray dye grow out and it slightly irritates you

colorblind soulmate where you lose your colors and only gain them back when your other half starts to have feelings for you

requests are open!!

so, leggo?

ever since you turned 16, you’ve literally gone colorblind

like you were perfectly happy seeing the colors of the world

from daichi’s red sweater

to hinata’s orange hair

you were ROBBED of the colors of the world

when you woke up that morning, you knew you would get your soulmate sign soon and you were sure it would happen while you were in class as it would start the exact time you were born 16 years ago

so there you were, happily eating with nishi and tanaka at the roof

‘hey, y/n-chan, look at this manga i found!’

you look up at noya and you almost choked on your rice ball when you couldn’t see his blonde streak anymore

it was like the moment you blinked, it was gone

he must’ve noticed your surprised look because noya touched the front floof since you were staring right at it

tanaka had his mouth opened and patted your back when you coughed

‘ah, it happened now?’

then you just start bawling

‘i cANt sEE yOuR hAiR anYmoRE!! aNd hiNATa’s hAiR! aND tHE oRANgE uniFOrMS!’

they understand it was a touchy subject for you since you were expecting something cute like noya’s thought sharing sign or tanaka’s taste sharing sign

but NO!!!

‘it’s okay y/n-chan. you’ll meet them soon and you’ll get your colors back’

from then on, all you’ve done is research all you can about soulmate signs and how they worked

yours happens to be a rarer one and you groaned bc of course it would happen to YOU

it states that usually, the moment you lock eyes with your soulmate, you’d get your lost sense back

but you wouldnt know when it would exactly happen and be like your uncle who is nearly 40 and still cant smell anything

whats worse, there were even cases where you wouldnt get them back in one sight but gain them when they start to have romantic feelings for you

you really do hope you’d get the easier 

being a part-time manager, you often helped the vbc if you were free from your other clubs so you sometimes help kiyoko with the kids

entering the gym, you frowned when you saw hinata and the gray tone of his hair

everything was gray but colors that are light like yellow or bright orange, were lighter gray while darker ones were dark gray or black

seems like tanaka and noya told the team what happened because daichi went up to you and ruffled your hair before saying it’ll be okay

‘give it time! you will find them!’

yacchi, a manager-in-training, enthusiastically told you about her ideas for the poster and gave you her rough draft, explaining the little details

but you were out of it as you just roamed your eyes over the gray-colored paper

thus causing her to freak out

‘OH MY GOD! I”M SO SORRY Y/N-SAN! I FORGOT ABOUT IT!! I’M SO SORRY!’

(yacchi is just a little precious bun, please protec her :’))

but you ruffled her hair and put on a smile

‘don’t sweat it, yacchi’

after that whole thing about announcement of the tokyo training camp and the hinata/kageyama idiot squad

you guys were in the bus, getting ready for Tokyo

it’s also been weeks since you lost it so you were still new but you were starting to get used to it

ofc you still had mistakes like their different colored practice jerseys and who was in what team or wearing different colored socks

but you were slowly adapting

it was a few hours of a drive so everyone was static to get out of the cramp bus and use the bathroom and stretch their legs

you took your time and put the others trash into a plastic bag bc youre just a great manager like that

getting out of the bus, you heard a horrendous and terrifying laugh and saw the nekoma captain hunching over in laughter

‘my god. at least his face makes up for it’

you got a text from hinata and kageyama saying that they were going to take their exams now and you sent them a little encouraging blurb

the guy from nekoma with the mohawk gawked at the 3 managers and you remembered him having that blonde hair dye

when you and the rest entered their gym, all you saw were balls flying everywhere and lots of people

your eyes scanned for at least someone to make eye contact with you because this gym has a lot of people in it and there could be a possibility they were in here

like 0.000003% probably but still a chance

from the managers to the players, not one reactivated the colors

‘hm,,, i think my soulmate is in here’

noya’s little comment made you glare at him in envy and he grinned with a peace sign

you noticed that boy kenma with his haircut and there was someone sitting near him that made you turn to the others

‘okay, either i just have terrible memory but is that a new guy?’

suga wondered the same thing and you flinched at the kid’s harsh stare at you all

there was a light gray tone to his hair and eyes so you were curious what color they were

‘his legs look a little long. i think he’s taller than most of these guys’

asahi said which made you give him a look

‘listen, as long as we got tsukki-kun, we’re okay’

the first match was against some powerhouse called fukurodani and they had a few interesting players

by interesting, you meant looks wise

that one guy looked freaking pretty with his sharp eyes while the other guy, who you assumed to be the captain, had round eyes and spiked hair

you were pretty sure that he had different colored hair due to the mix of black and light tones

AND THE WAY IT WAS STYLED THO

its like he got electrocuted and his hair just stayed the same

you were too busy looking at the 2 teams that you completely missed karasuno’s defeat and just saw them doing flying receives

the others gathered to the side and the next game was against fukurodani and nekoma

from hearing the names being said, that pretty guy was akashi or aggghasshi and the owl looking dude was bokuto-san or bokutosang or something bokuto bc youre not exactly sure

and then he be flying

‘he REALLY flying!’ 

you exclaim and tbh what can you expect from being one of the top 5 aces in the country

then the ball straight flew towards your own player and you and yamagucci screamed for his name

everyone flinched when the ball hit his hand and you ran over to check

‘ouch’

you hear that loud voice of his on top of kei’s hiss and you growled

‘HEY HEY HEY’

he didnt even apologize and if it wasnt for tanaka and daichi holding you back, you were about to scream into the guys ear for damaging your player’s hand since he needed it to block properly

‘LET ME GO! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS INJUR-’

suga smiled and raised a hand apologetically your shouts caught the attention of others

the more games karasuno played, the more they lost

you went to fill up their water bottles and was mumbling to yourself, blaming that freak haired guy for tsukki’s pained blocks

‘didnt even apologize. how dare he hurt my boy’

bokuto was going for a drink when he heard your mumbles by the water fountain

he noticed you as the karasuno manager and poked you in the shoulder

‘ah! youre the manager!’

cue you looking to glare at him since you could recognize that voice anywhere

‘and you are?’

taken aback with your tone, he grinned

‘bokuto. bokuto koutarou’

‘ah’

then you went back to filling up the bottles

he fiddled with his towel before poking you again

‘um,,, i want to apologize for earlier. sorry about that spike’

you stopped and you nodded

‘i appreciate the apology, bokuto-san. but you should say it to him’

bo guessed that you were kinda their mother hen and you looked after the players of your team

‘are you,,, a third year?’

closing the lid of the last bottle, you placed it on the basket

‘second’

his eyes widened before shouting

‘im your senpai!’

you jumped at the sudden volume of his voice and awkwardly smiled

‘ah. okay, bokuto-san’

his eyes widened before patting your shoulder gently

‘drop the -san! i prefer being called senpai!’

does this guy have a senpai kink or something

but there was probably nothing wrong with calling him senpai right?

‘okay, bokuto-senpai’

you were lowkey kinda iffy since you dont really call anyone senpai, everyone was -san to you

bo laughed loudly and ruffled your hair

‘WAH!!!!!! MY LITTLE KOUHAI!!!’

‘bokuto-san!’

your head looked up and you saw the pretty guy walking towards you

he bowed in front of you in both greeting and apology

‘sorry about him. he gets a little excited sometimes. im akaashi keiji by the way’

you waved it off and smiled gently

‘nice to meet you, akaashi-san. and dont worry, i have two people like him in my team’

hinata and noya

‘come on. the next game is about to start’

he tugged bokuto’s arm and bo waved at you before walking away

‘see ya!’

but stopped

‘ah! i didnt get your name!’

‘y/n. l/n y/n’

‘see ya later y/n!’

when you came back, the boys were still doing flying and you glanced at your watch, knowing that your boys should be coming soon

you and yacchi were visibly listening to the other players talking about your team and kiyoko gave you both a look to settle down

‘hold it in, girls’

the sea of different tones of gray were currently making you dizzy with so many things happening at ones and you completely missed the door opening, revealing tanaka’s sister

noya’s excited shout made you turn and you waved excitedly

you’ve met her once when you went over to help tutor her poor brother and noya who practically lives at their house

everyone stopped what they were doing and saw the two boys huffing by the door

you heard kuroo’s comment but you were too excited to see them come back in one piece

‘ah, so those are the legendary first years’

hm, if only you knew why they were late

bo saw you with wide eyes and excitedly bouncing at the sidelines as karasuno started to play

‘what are you looking at bokuto-san?’

akaashi asked

bo thought you were interesting the moment he heard you angrily mumble about him and he thought your pouting face was cute

‘i wonder what her soulmate mark is’

akaashi knew about his soulmate sign since he received a very frantic phone call that sunday afternoon of bokuto not being able to see the color of his apple anymore

‘she probably doesnt have it yet’

akaashi’s answer made his brows furrow

‘she’s a second year so shes probably 16 already’

‘why would it matter to you anyways?’

yea, why did it matter?

‘just general curiosity. shes quite fiesty. i like her. i want to be friends’

akaashi sighs and pats his back

‘i support you, bokuto-san’

shoot this might as well be a bokuaka

he saw you run to the two first years and took their bags for them, ruffling their hair each

even though you’re only like a some months older than hinata, you still treat him like a babie

‘coach left some buns from earlier so you can eat that before you play. oh! i also got you your milk, kags!’

bo literally could feel your happiness radiating and he saw your eyes

too bad he couldn’t see the color of them

although the boys team was finally complete, they still lost quite a lot of sets

and they were trying so hard and you were just cheering on the sidelines w yacchi and kiyoko

you kept running back and forth from the drinking fountain since the boys kept drinking so much water

and bo just finds you there again

for the second time today

:0

‘oh? back again, y/n-chan?’

you could recognized that gruffy voice anywhere

you turned and gave him a tight smile

‘ah. hello bokuto-san’

he pouted and nudged you with a finger to your shoulder

‘senpai! call me senpai!’

you were pretty sure he was 18 yet he still threw a tantrum

what kinda-

‘okay okay. sorry, bokuto-senpai’

then like a switch his pouts became grins and you got dizzy with the sudden mood switch

‘youre such a diligent manager, y/n-chan. you should transfer to our school and be one of ours instead!’

then you remember meeting the 2 managers they had

‘ah, you already have 2 so i think you’re covered’

bo whined at that

‘but karasuno also has 2 without you!’

tbh you shouldve been uncomfortable in this situation bc here you have a grown man whining

but you found his pout endearing and his eyes were loony-looking

‘not to hurt your feelings, bokuto-senpai, but we just met and i don’t know you all that well’

‘then you know the solution to that, don’t you?’

you just stared at him

‘lets get to know each other! lets be friends! lets be close!’

you couldnt say anything else since you were kinda in a pickle here so you just nodded

‘um, okay’

‘bokuto-san!’

that voice made you perk up and you raised a hand

‘akaashi-san!’

bo saw your smile and he pouted, jealous that you didnt give that smile when you saw him

‘ah, l/n-san.’

you looked at bo and his eyes grew even bigger and you resisted the urge to pinch his cheeks with how they puffed out with his pout

woah wait huh

why did you just think of that

akaashi had to bring back bo to the gym for their match but bo refused to walk

‘no! not until y/n-chan wants to be my friend!’

what are you

5?

but you nodded, placing a hand around his bicep

you froze, trying to contain the shock of how S T R O N G they felt

ohmygad

‘l-lets get to know each other later, bokuto-sa-senpai’

you hurriedly corrected yourself and breathed a sigh of relief when he didnt notice

a big smile got to his face and he pointed at you

‘ill win this for you y/n-chan!’

you sweatdropped bc wow this manz is winning a game for you

no-for your friendship

he excitedly ran back down the hallway and disappeared with a faint ‘hey hey hey!’

you and akaashi shared a look and he apologized

‘im sorry if he made you uncomfortable’

‘nah nah, its okay’

‘and thanks for uplifting him. he was in a mood when he left bc we lost a set but now he’s energized thanks to you’

a,,, mood?

‘is he,,, i dont know,,,, bipolar?’

akaashi stood for a second before shrugging

‘i guess you could say that. the team tries to uplift him bc if hes in a mood he messes up’

a sound of recognition left your lips before you nodded

‘ah okay’

‘well, i guess im seeing you later then, l/n-san?’

‘oh, please. call me y/n. we’re the same age!’

but he gave you a mysterious smile

‘i dont think bokuto-san would like that’

so the remaining of the time there, bo was practically stuck to you as he followed you everywhere

babie calls it ‘friendship bonding’

when yall were leaving, he was pouting so hard and you gave in to your urges

;)

you pinched his cheeks

‘until next time, bo-senpai’

blew a fuse right then and there

bO-sENPai

yall remained in contact and you even went up to visit him and just hang out

you were lowkey catching feelings

like when he sent you that mirror picture of him and kuroo being sassy in a department store and your heart started beating really really fast

then your palms started sweating as you remembered the feeling of his warm hands on yours when he led you through the busy sidewalk of tokyo

‘siri, am i having a stroke?’

but you were like ‘nuh-uh, must remain pure for my soulmate’

however

if you have those feelings already and it’s towards your soulmate, that gave bo his sight of colors

just sitting there w his team eating yakisoba bun then he looked at akaashi and saw his friend’s blue eyes again

can you tell im a bokuaka simp

in another life flashbacks

n e ways

he was so happy and ecstatic and was about to call you but akaashi was like, ‘wait, i think she might be your soulmate’

the entire team was just like, ‘what’

and bo just sitting there, ‘omg what if’

akaashi, 

grandmaster plan creator

tells bokuto to hold off from telling you until the next time yall see each other which is in the training camp

for story’s sake, training camp finally rolls around

you cannot stop squirming in your seat bc ya finally get to see bo again after so long

kuroo greets yall at the front and hes familiar w you since you hung out w the tokyo squad

‘you have a surprise little chibi’

you were just like, ‘,,,,ok kurat’

meanwhi;e,,

bo was so antsy and he was just like, ‘yey! i get to see her again!’

ngl, bo thought you were really pretty and cute and he thinks he has a crush on you but not like head-over-heels like you were

literally cannot stand still and the team was tired of having to keep him from running so akaashi just let him go

‘but dont run her over, bokuto-san’

he sonic bolts over

nYOOM

he finally sees that tangerine hinata and was searching for your hair color and when he sees you laughing at kuroo’s face, his eyes widened

his heart beat started beating really really fast and everything in his brain and all the words he wanted to say died down

he never really saw your face with colors but he just stares in awe at your beautiful skin color, breathtaking eyes, silky hair, and those plump lips

sweat started to gather at his palms and his feet started moving on its own until he just scoops you in his arms, lifting you off the ground in the process

w you, there was a silence

‘your eyes,,,,, theyre beautiful’

bo just grins at the crack of your voice and tears just wells up in your eyes w a smile

‘bo!’ 

you shouted and you wrapped your legs around his waist while he burrows his head in your neck

‘you’re so beautiful. oh my god, you’re so beautiful’

omg what i would do for bo to say that to me

obvs, the others knew what was happening

dai and suga were already planning on the talk

kuroo just recording the whole thing

‘im falling in love with you. i want to fall in love with you over and over again until i die. i want to feel like this forever. can i?’

just forgets about everyone and being in your own bubble and your own world as bokuto just professes his love for you

‘stupid question, koutaro!’

you giggled and he finally allowed you to stand on your own two feet

‘let me love you for eternity’

cue waterworks from noya and tanaka and konoha

‘but baby, we need to touch up your roots, though.’

‘we got forever, soulmate’

sorry if this was trash

[scandeniall]

sobbing in cabo

pairing: oikawa x reader

summary/warnings: how could you be in the most beautiful place you’d ever been yet feel so terrible?/ just language. tiniest mention of alcohol

wc: 1.3k

It’s a paradise. Waves kissed the shore languidly. It was a song sweeter than any lullaby you’d ever heard. Distant waves shimmered, a mixture of sliver, blue and green. The seagulls chattered overhead and you wondered what they could possibly be saying. 

The setting sun was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. Similar to a watercolor painting the Cotton candied clouds melted seamlessly into the tangerine sky. The hotels balcony gave you a front row seat to all this and more. You should be in paradise. So why did you feel so bitter? Distant laughing from travel goers did nothing but cause your eyes to roll in disgust. They were so happy. Kids pranced around dragging their parents to some new sea find. Friends posed in front of the water snapping memories that’d last a lifetime. You’d practically gagged at the sight of couples going for their sunset walks on the beach. A glimmer in your peripheral took your eyes from their people watching. A soft greeting attempted to lighten your mood. Instead, you took the offered glass drowning the drink in one gulp. Disgust graced your face at the burn now present in the back of your throat. “That was disgusting.” “It was expensive.” His voice grew stronger as did his presence. You felt the sudden warmth gifted from the way he stood next to you. Arms crossed over the railing as he eyed the sand below. The two of you took in the sounds around you before he spoke up. “I’m sorry you know.”

“Of course you are.” The words are bitter on your tongue. You hear the sigh from beside you, as you roll your eyes. “You know Tooru. This spot is a dream come true. It should be a paradise, so I wonder why it feels anything but.” Your voice trails off as you catch sight of a couple in the distance. It appears to be mid proposal. The lovers running into each other's arms into a sweet embrace and your jaw locks in pure jealousy. God how you wanted that.

Oikawa eyes seem to spot the couple as well. His gaze shifts several times between them and you. He bites back his own annoyance, knowing it’d make things worse. He has to carefully choose his next words. “I’m trying here (Y/N). I really am but you're not even giving me the benefit of the doubt.”

He's cut off by your humorless laugh. “If you call this trying, then I’d hate to see not.” You finally tear your eyes from the couple to face him. You almost feel bad for the attitude until your met with his look of exasperation. Suddenly you're reminded of the purpose of your vacation in the first place. “You’re the reason we’re here anyway. We’re supposed to be spending time together, working on us. Yet you’re doing the same shit-”

“(Y/n)-”

“No.” You immediately cut him off, putting your arm up to prevent him from reaching out towards you. “You're never here Oikawa. Even on our vacation. There’s always someone for you to go meet up with who you haven’t seen in so long. Or another stupid pickup game. I’m tired of coming last in your life.” 

When he says nothing, in an attempt to gather his thoughts you figure, you huff in annoyance. He had nothing to say. Your attempt at exiting the balcony is ruined when callused fingers grip onto your wrist. “I don’t know what you even want from me. You agreed to this when you agreed to us.” 

His words come out harsher than he’d intended. There was a flash of regret in his eyes that occurred once you snatched your arm away. He watched your movements carefully. He noticed how you went to speak at least three times, before closing your mouth. Each time was accompanied by a shake of your head. 

He watched how your brows would furrow then soften as you mentally calm yourself down. You were likely doing the countdown exercise he taught you harly on. It was something he’d learned right after highschool as a means to relax and focus. The faintest of memories of how he’d pepper hisses across your forehead to make you laugh when he annoyed you crossed his mind. It was something that seemed so far in the past and he shook the thought away. “Where are you going?”

“Away from you.” You tell him calmly as the glass door slides open. Youre both met with the coolness of the blasting AC and he notices the shiver that runs down your spine at the temperature difference. There's no surprise as he follows after you, eyes narrowing at how you seem to be gathering some of your belongings scattered around the hotel room. It quickly dawns on him that you appear to be packing. “What are you gonna run away instead of us talking about this?” Oikawa feels himself slightly panicking at the thought, yet forces himself to stay just as headstrong as before. “We still have more days here.”

“You do. I can’t deal with this right now. I’ve been looking at flights back home. You insisted we come here to fix us, but this is useless.” Oikawa notes the difference in your tone. You’d drop the combativeness and attitude. This time its replaced with disappointment. “I don’t even know why I thought shit would be different just because we’re across the world. Its so beautiful here and I can’t even enjoy it with you.”

Oikawa knows better than to approach you. He just knew that it’d make things worse. Right? He settles on the edge of the bed as you continue fluttering around the room. “Just stay an extra day with me. We can talk about this tomorrow. Just me and you yeah?” He lets out the quietest sigh of relief at your nod. At some point he’d grabbed your hand and you hadn’t pulled away. 

“I’m gonna go take a shower ok?” Oikawa only offers your hand a slight squeeze in response. The smile you offer him is empty and you’re not even sure you miss the warmth once he lets go of your hand.

The sun is nearly completely down once you get out of the shower. Your’e surprised to even see your boyfriend still in the room. You’d been in Cabo for about a week now and he’d gone out without you nearly every day. You wordlessly climb into the bed next to him eyes hyperfocused on the TV. The space between you two feels momentous. The two of you are on opposite sides of the king sized bed.

Your heads are in two different but similar places. You two still loved each other, but is that enough. You’re young adults, still growing and changing. Continuing to chase your dreams and perhaps you were growing out of each other. He was never around anymore and unknowingly pushed you into the bottom of his priority list. 

You’d wanted nothing more than to support him, but you needed more. You needed someone to tell you that they were proud of you. Someone who would put you first even if for one day. He couldn’t seem to do that. Not right now at least. 

That night as the two of you laid in darkness. Every once in a while if you listened carefully enough you’d hear the distant music from some likely party. You just knew the way the moon reflected off the sea was breathtaking. As you thought about the past 3 years with Oikawa and how you would've loved for this vacation to mend your relationship, you teared up. How could you be in the most beautiful place you’d ever been in and wanted nothing more than to cry. Never did you think you’d be biting back your tears in Cabo.  

a/n: uh yeah im very nervous about writing oiks and not doing him justice bc hes such a unique character but here we are. the 1st of my few non happy pieces. Inspired by Blackbear’s newest project (title is literally the song; sobbing in mexico. this is only loosely based/ more so just the vibe over the lyrics so yeah)

[delimeful]

First time they saw Patton cuddling with Virgil? (Like y’know the energy thing maybe?) Or Virgil protecting the three of them from some other alien?

Okay, now that Making Adjustments is out in full, I’m posting all the asks that inspired me for certain parts or even just to continue writing! Thank you to everyone who sent in ideas/what they wanted to see/theories, I really appreciate it! All asks under the cut!

@ironwoman359 said: I’d be really interested to read about what the first week or two aboard the ship with all four of them was like. I’m sure it was a big adjustment for all of them, and it’d be really cool to see!

@skeletonsloverockcandy said: WINBAR prompt - Virgil’s first night on the ship, is not with Patton, and gets a nightmare. Logan finds him and Virgil has to explain his nightmare/dreams

@the-princey-pie said: Logan mentioned that Virgil would probbaly have trouble fitting through the space ship doors. Now I really want to see Vorgil stepping into their spaceship the first time/navigating it for the first few weeks.

@indigomasquerade97 said: WIBAR prompt. Virgil is Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. You know the scene I’m talking about! ;) Roman is still freaked out with the idea of having a human on board, and one night (maybe on patrol, since he is still jittery from loosing Patton and doesn’t want to loose him - or Logan - again) and he gets freaked out by the nocturnal human suddenly being in the room? IDK

Anonymous said: So. I was wondering for the WIBAR prompts, what was Virgil’s first night on the ship like? How did Roman and Logan act towards him? And is he worried that his relationship with Patton is going to change now that he’s back with his family? Sorry if this is a lot…

Anonymous said: WIBAR prompt idea: Food! Since food is often culturally connected for humans, would it be the same for our alien friends? And if they have any, from Virgil’s pov., strange food items etc. Would be interesting to see considering they are all from such different species. :D

@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: WIBAR: did Patton tell his crewmates how to interpret Virgil’s body language? Did they figure it out for themselves? Did they struggle to remember when they saw him smile or stretch (and make himself big) or something?

Anonymous said: I would love to see some V POV or adjustment period/cultural differences! (particularly L/R’s reactions to V smiling, differences in diet/hunting styles, what V considers a threat vs. what LMP consider threats… anything that highlights the deathworlder in Virg! (Space Australia is like my fav thing that came out of tumblr)) also maybe some more of L/R’s thoughts on Patton befriending a space boogieman?? I really really love this au! :)

Anonymous said: OoOOooh okay how about,, Virgil’s POV as they head back to Roman and Logan’s ship and get on, (and maybe if he doesn’t know the species Logan and Roman are he could ask? That seems the easiest way for us to learn more about the boys without it being too awkwardly shoved in) and V’s probably awkward because he doesn’t know Lo and Ro and Ro’s openly hostile and he wasn’t expecting to go along with them and idk you decide. Also :DD wibar’s not done yet!! Tysm; I’m really enjoying it!

@bishopriecke said: Okay, so I’ve got a couple prompts so I’ll send them separately in case that’s how you’d wanted them? The story is absolutely adorable and it made me think of the sleeping habits back on the ship. There’s space for Virgil, but will Pat gravitate to sleeping with him, since it was such a comfort and Virgil only gets sleepy if he snags energy during cuddles? If he’s tired/virgil’s stressing over something will he wander over to where Virgil is chilling and settle in his lap? How’s Ro&Lo react?

@bumblebeekitten said: Do any of the others attempt to learn Virgil’s language? Or maybe Virgil quietly tries to dispel some of the more hurtful rumors about ‘deathworlder humans’?

Anonymous said: What would wibar Roman and Logan do if they couldn’t find Patton? Would they assume Virgil had done something?

Anonymous said: While waiting for more WIBAR, I keep re-reading everything (Act 1, Intermission, all the world building asks). Right now, I just want to plead with Patton to go find Virgil as he needs comfort, to calmly tell Logan that I don’t blame him, and to hiss at Roman that, while he has had bad experiences and that is valid, he needs to be nicer. Granted, a reaction like that from a human fan-nut probably wouldn’t help Virgil’s case… but he needs a hug so much right now!

Anonymous said: i’m thinking there’s lots of potential for hurt/comfort with this chapter. Virgil’s obviously panicking so i reckon he’s gonna have to try and convince himself that he can trust Patton if not the others. i feel like virgil still wont trust the others but they’ll get to see that he’s not always this big, strong deathworlder and he gets scared just like them. he’s been traumatised and he cares for Patt a lot and theyll try to understand eachother better and hopefully become friends/gain some trust

Anonymous said: that is very much wishful think and a need for my boys to be happy though haha. soz, that probably wasnt very helpful for writing but thats just something i’d like to see happen but i KNOW that whatever you end up writing is gonna be fabulous (ran out of room on my last ask and couldnt even sign it, whoops)

@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: I’m mainly really curious how Roman will react. If he has even have as big of an imagination as buobba Roman then he will probably interpret Virgil’s outburst as a violent attack and try to frame him as a danger they shouldn’t keep on the ship. However if he was able to detect Virgil’s fear then this might be the first step of them growing closer. Idk which I like better, because on one hand I want them to to get along and witness wacky human things in an amicable atmosphere, but on the other hand, misunderstandings are soooo good!!!! Most of all I want Virgil to get a hug though. Poor boy deserves one. I don’t care with who it is, although I suspect it will be Patton because no way the other ones trust Virgil enough and vice versa.

@yalltookmyurlideas said: Haha wibar fears? There are,,, so many. My main fear is that Roman will misinterpret Virgil’s panic to mean he’s hiding something and not see it for the panic and fear it is.

Anonymous said: I was thinking about for WIBAR, are we going to find out more about Virgils life on Earth? Is there angst there or is it irrelevant? Also would Logan and Roman go after Virgil themselves so as not to worry Pat or would they realise this was a situation they couldn’t solve? OR does Roman think V is attacking them and goes to hurt him? Sorry long ask but I’m excited for the chapter 😅😅🥰🥰

Anonymous said: Ayyy super late gang, barely got a hour of sleep bc anxiety/nightmares so yeehaw. I guess for WIBAR, the most essential thing to consider is how you want Making Adjustments to sorta add onto its characters & how they interact. Idk that ofc, but I think the situation is going to resolve into a ‘im only human’ (the irony) kinda situation and the crew (maybe minus patton??) only /starting/ to grasp the human is a bunch of damaged goods who is lowkey more scared of them than they are of he (½)

Anonymous said: (2/2) how i see the situation going down? Depends who finds him. If it’s Pat, he could sing him clam like in the cell. If its Roman or Logan, odds are Virgil’s gonna b scared & his response will be to Fight or Freeze, as he already did the Flight option. Virgil reacting like a cornered animal would be terrifying Ro and Lo. (Also Ro and Lo going to wake up Pat for Human Help has the same vibes of a child waking up their parents to tell them they puked lmao)

@killerfangirl3 said: After where you left last chapter, I am 100% terrified Roman will find Virgil before Patton and cause real danger to everyone. After all Virgil is flooded with adrenaline right now and he barely knows how his strength affects the metal? of the ship as it is. The sudden increase in strength if he was attempting to defend himself could cause him to put a hole in the ship.

@hotchocolatehugs said: Oh! Also, would Virgil calm down if Patton found him, or would it just make him worse/more crazed? I dunno about his state of mind, but if I were in his position I would probably be acting aggressively to anyone who came in. Do aliens have hot chocolate or tea, or some equivalent drink? Because I think Virge needs a calming drink. (sorry if this is too much!)

Anonymous said: I saw your latest post and all I could think about is Virgil stuck on the appliance, really high up and close to the ceiling unseen while he sees Roman and Logan below. Maybe a bit of a language barrier while they say some words that Virgil may not no yet and jumping to conclusions and filling in the blanks in the sentences

Anonymous said: I’m afraid that In WIBAR, Roman may keep Pat from going to find and comfort Virgil and just…leave him up there

@katelynn-a-fan said: Mission impossible theme while looking for Virgil. Too short can’t see Virgil on top appliance. Mission impossible theme continues and fades into the distance. (That’s all I got)

Anonymous said: WIBAR suggestions/predictions/fears: I worry about Roman or Logan finding Virgil before Patton - Roman because I don’t think he will be understanding about how afraid Virgil is; Logan because I think that would scare Virgil more. He might break out of his flight stage into fight, and that could make them fear him more. But, while worry about this scenario, maybe it would be for the best. Maybe one or both need to find him at a low to see that he isn’t a monster, just scared.

@enby-phoenix said:

OK so wibar thoughts! I’m a little concerned that Roman will think that Virgil was genuinely trying to attack him with that chair and also probably trying to hurt Logan, and he’s gonna get upsetti. I also think that the way they figure out what’s made Virgil go all fight or flight will probably involve Logan doing the memory share thing, but it’ll take them a bit to get close enough without Virgil threatening to bite Logan’s hands off.

Also PLEASE let my boy eat a full meal and get some proper sleep!

I would also love to see Virgil curled around Patton protectively but everyone knows that it’s Patton who’s making Virgil feel safe.

Another prediction is that Logan, realizing that SOMETHING bad just happened, and knowing that all his information on humans seems to be incorrect or at least not apply to this one, will go to Patton for advice on what to do regarding Virgil’s sudden change of behavior, and how to calm him down again. Cause Patton is the resident expert on Virgil.

I also imagine that Logan might keep his note taking to himself again for a bit, until Virgil believes that he’s not the bad kind of scientist.

I love that Virgil climbed on top of the tallest thing he could find, and I imagine that if it’s above everyone else’s usual eyelines, they each walk past him multiple times while they’re worriedly searching the ship for him.

I’m mostly imagining Virgil clinging to Patton like a lifeline and the other two aliens worrying for their tiny friend but Patton knows that Virgil is just scared and sings him the “calm down baby it’s okay I’m here” hatchling soothing song until Virgil calms down a little, and then still staying with him while explanations are had. They do not come out of the small space on top of the tallest appliance and Roman doesn’t like that but he’ll deal.

Now that I’m thinking about it more, one of the best ways for Logan to gain (at least a little bit of) Virgil’s trust would be for Virgil to see his honest reaction to what the other scientists did to him. Cause based on what I know of Logan, he would be horrified. And that might help Virgil to realize that Logan ISN’T LIKE those other scientists.

Anonymous said: *gets out the defibrillator to help kickstart the creative juices* At this point Virgil is running on fumes and when the trio find him Patton tries to comfort him. But he’s too stressed and feels betrayed and there’s just too much inner turmoil for him to hold back so he finally breaks down in front of them. Perhaps it’s not Patton that manages to calm him down, but Roman who finally recognizes him as a traumatized person rather than “just an evil human” :D

@enby-phoenix said: tbh Virgil probably hisses at either Logan or Roman at some point and it makes them nervous and confused.

Anonymous said: Roman forcing Virgil down from his hiding spot. 'Blade’ to his neck and tying him to a chair. Virgil thinking that he shouldn’t have run and that they are going to be even angrier at him now, ergo more painful experiments. Begging to be put under for the cutting away and to please don’t get mad at Patton (just in case Patton was trying to be a good friend).

Anonymous said: Suggestion for WIBAR - Roman goes looking for Virgil, all ready for a confrontation. But, when he finds him, Virgil unknowingly makes some sort of gesture that means fear/terror to Roman’s people and he stops and evaluates the situation with clearer eyes. This gives Patton/Logan/both a chance to get there.

Anonymous said: Can we get somr wibar fluff/angst?

Anonymous said: I’m just waiting for WIBAR Virgil to just pass out and the panic of everyone that sees him. Or Roman threatening him or Logan goes to touch him and BAM he’s on the floor!

Anonymous said: Stuff for WIBAR: 1: who’s gonna find Virgil? 2: what’re they gonna do with him? 3: how’s he gonna react? – Options: Patton: tries to comfort him Virgil: can’t decide whether to trust or not, maybe leading to emotional outburst and sad PatPat – Logan: scared cuz danger goblin had an outburst at him. Wondering what he did wrong & how to best proceed Virgil: 'he’s gonna do tests on me’ fight or flight – Roman: 'so, if you hurt my friends imma hurt you’ Virgil: fight or flight – ½

Anonymous said: 2/2 Of course those aren’t the only options, but it was fun for me, and I hope it got creative juices flowing for you as well. I love all your writing, and I want you to know that you can take as long as you need to be proud of your work. It’s okay. And take care of yourself too! You can’t make as good of work when you aren’t feeling as good as usual

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[kachinnate]

we’ve finally come time for the one (1) annual Kayla’s Having a Bad Time post 

i don’t know anymore what exactly is wrong with me but wow!! is it bad!!! and wow do i hate it !!!!! i have not gone a day w/o crying in like a week and a half and i’m so tired, i’m literally so tired of hating myself just for existing and i’m tired of all the little things that should not upset me upsetting me only because they’re in masse, only because all together it’s so much and i only have two fucking hands 

and like in the back of my mind even fucking still i’m like “.... okay but placebo effect. okay but you aren’t really sad tho. okay but you literally just don’t want to get better you are doing this for attention you are doing this bc being content would be easy and you just want to stir the pot clearly, just stop” to the point where i’m like I Guess I Have To Prove to even myself that i am fucking justified in feeling the way that i do before my brain gaslights itself into thinking that there was never anything wrong with me to begin with and that i’ve fucking put myself in this hole myself for no reason other than ... i don’t even know! i don’t know 

makes a list in my notes :) to remember all the heinous bullshit going on :) and maybe for catharsis reasons i don’t fucking care anymore 

- it’s the anniversary of the thing. you know. ;) the kind of traumatic experience of having the people i called best friends fucking uhhh pick on me every day for the entirety of like eight months - on my eating habits on my behavior on my anxiety on the things they knew i fucking hated about myself - only for them to just. drop me all of a sudden, on THEIR own terms, as if I was the one who fucking did anything to THEM, thus rendering me from never getting my own fucking closure from the situation ! i have both of them still added as friends on snapchat and i follow them on instagram because for some reason i know that if i just blocked them it would cause problems (what problems?? what arbitrary fucking problems???) seeing their faces makes me feel literal actual dread, i can’t go to one of the restaurants in my town alone because they work there and i hate it ! i hated every second of april 2019 - september 2019 where i felt fucking psychotic for being upset over this situation, where i couldn’t convince myself that i wasn’t insane for being strung up and i couldn’t even call it trauma until like march when someone coined it that for me themselves lol ,,,, i hate myself for still giving them my thoughts, i hate myself for wondering that in a different universe where i wasn’t as fucking stupid or ditzy if they’d still talk to me. i hate myself for wondering if ***** looks at the message i left on her poster last april where i told her how much i admired her and loved her and thinks about me, because that was probably the last time i ever said anything real to her, which... haha. what a JOKE right? 

- my rsd has somehow fucking spiked and gotten so much worse in like.. the last eight days. literally when i first posted ‘sweet hibiscus tea’ i went and checked it a few days after and it had like. two dislikes? and i like. cried? :) which is so dramatic and i hate it djksgndsg i can’t go a day reading messages or texts from anyone who talks to me without finding one that’s not inherently positive and picking it apart until i’ve hurt myself over something that wasn’t even related, im too sensitive about EVERYTHING but i don’t know how to address it or deal with it so i just don’t which i think is... why it’s getting worse oop. it gets triggered by literally fucking everything i hate it here 

- one of the only things bringing me any sort of serotonin rn is making content. hense the hyperfixating on my r and on this oneshot and on the writing meme things, like. it makes me feel productive, but hyperfixating for me oftentimes leads to a bad headspace which makes me fucking disoriented when i come out of it, and like. ofc there’s the typical things w it too like me forgetting to do other shit like eat or whatever but it’s literally been the only way i can cope with myself. making things. getting validation for things. if i can entertain someone for like, ten minutes, maybe anything i do matters. maybe. fuck. 

- i can’t not self isolate myself when things are bad, i just. can’t sdjgnsd like i hate talking about myself i hate talking about the way i feel because nothing makes sense?? i encourage people to talk to me when they feel bad but i can’t ever do the same for myself because i’m a hypocrite! and like the feelings of worthlessness overpower everything i do! convince me people don’t care and shit when i know that’s not the case, but if i acknowledge that then i have to think about how i’m being selfish by fucking moping but not talking to anyone, and i just! i cannot win !!! ever! 

- ^^^^ on that note, literally the few times i’ve felt okay recently i’ve had that ripped right from me by little things people close to me have done, like !! can you not vague me?? regardless of if you see that i’m doing bad mentally or not ???? i’m begging you , i’m so sorry that i’m not acting normal but can you for one second maybe consider that i’m a person ? i may be SAD but i’m not fucking STUPID so if i bother you just tell me ??? it’s the least you can do ??????

- scared i can’t love. scared i’m not morally a good person. scared that i’m selfish but don’t realize it. i wasn’t meant to have a confidant i don’t think and who am i to ever try and subject anyone to my fucked up head 

- i’m constantly fucking terrified on my dad’s behalf because this dude is 41 years old yet i’m the fucking adult out of the two of us most of the time? he comes home drunk so often and i’ve thought that he’s had alcohol poisoning more than once and i hate being fucking scared of having to like. contact fafsa or my college like “hey can u adjust my financial aid, because i’m kind of an orphan now? :’)” we don’t have any other family, i can’t ask anyone to help me it’s literally me and him against the world and he’s put me on this pedestal of being an amazing daughter so i feel guilty at the thought of anything happening to him as if i’m his fucking guardian. he drinks so much and he’s so infidelious and ridiculous so what’s going to happen when i leave ? 

it’s just. so much. but i don’t want to be a beacon of negative shit because even after all of this i’m self conscious of making other people sad so i pretend that everything’s fine on my sc and in person , which i know gives off the vibe of “but she’s not even acting sad? :///” when i offhandedly mention anywhere that i’ve been depressed and i just. i’m sorry that i don’t post about how when i’m not staring at my huion screen i’m fucking staring at the wall wondering if anyone would fucking notice other than my dad and my coworkers if i just disappeared without a word

it feels selfish to complain about my life feeling bad with all the shit going on, too, on top of that. so it’s better if i just don’t say anything at all, there’s other shit to deal with other than my life falling apart because really this just happens every year around this time doesn’t it. i’ll get over it. i’m being dramatic and stupid and in like two months none of this will even fucking matter 

tldr; i need to get my meds upped or something 

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

[parabcllums]

⌜   LYRICA OKANO, GENDERFLUID, SHE / THEY / HE   |   nightmare by halsey, sanguine, the stepford child   ⌟    ⏤   blink and you’ll miss MORGAN ANTONIA STARK, the TWENTY TWO year old child of TONY STARK & PEPPER POTTS ! they’re an UNDERGRAD student at paragon academy, and i’ve always found them to be pretty SELF SACRIFICING & SELF MADE, though i’ve heard that they can also be really INSCRUTABLE & OBSTINATE. i don’t think getting their way is a smart thing to do - everyone knows that their power is GENIUS LEVEL INTELLECT & LATENT EXTREMIS VIRUS. you can check out their pinterest board HERE or their stat page HERE ! 

i am MONUMENTAL with a heart of glass,      and hands made of stone. ( touch me ). touch me.

SECTION ONE OF TWO : BULLETPOINT HISTORY trigger warning for infant sickness & ( teen ) pregnancy

march 30th, 1996 ; morgan antonia harold stark enters into the world by c section at exactly 6:59 am, three weeks before their due date. like most parents in their position, tony and pepper like to joke that morgan couldn’t wait to see the world - it adds a touch of humor to otherwise stressful memories, of a difficult pregnancy and extended time on bedrest. it brings a chuckle, no matter how small, even during those early years.

they’re a sickly child. it seems predetermined. anything that could be wrong very often was ; starting with influenza contracted aged six months, which leads into an extended stay in the icu due to contracted pneumonia. there’s something wrong ; a genetic condition, a primary immune deficiency that means anything they can catch, they do. their parents do their best to make sure that they’re kept up to date on their vaccinations, that they stay away from crowded spaces during cold season - but they contract meningitis when they’re five, and the resulting virus very almost kills them. treatment, after, is rigorous. neither tony nor pepper want to lose them.

by extension, they’re also a very SHELTERED child. their parents are over protective by nature, and they allow it, no matter what seeds of resentment begin to grow, in those earliest years. they know that they only want the best for them, that they only want to see them right - they know that their father isn’t scared of anything as much as he is afraid of losing any of them, and they know that their mother isn’t all that different. they wish that things were different, but they settle into a routine, regardless. 

to the outside world, the stark’s are the perfect family. they’re rich. they’re genetically blessed. they have EVERYTHING they could want, and they never even have to think about it. morgan is a shining jewel, from the moment that they turn around on their way into a convention center, hand in daddy’s, and wave. every so often, a story will run in the tabloids surrounding the stark kids - when the paparazzi come searching for photos, morgan always plays up for the camera. when they’re old enough, they seem to have a natural born talent for knowing what to say. they’re a stepford child in a stepford family, and they never let the image slip.

they do everything, to be perfect. to never let their parents down. to be everything that they WANT them to be, and then some. they’re in a dozen clubs. they’re on a dozen teams. they excel in school with god given talent, and they seem to be surrounded by friends, at every turn. they’re well behaved and well spoken, they know exactly how to act - and yes, over time, they become quite self obsessed. they’re told all the time how beautiful they are, how intelligent, and they have a neverending stream of people to keep them on their toes. in school, people below them think that they’re quite rude. that they’re a bitch, a rich, spoiled, stuck up kind of bitch - but the truth is, they just don’t think. they don’t go out of their way to be anything, really, and that thoughtlessness follows them.

they only let themselves slip when teenage hormones come into play. they'd never really acted upon the feeling, deep down, of pressure - they had never done anything to step over the line. there were expectations upon them and there were things that they had never been allowed to do because of who they were, but they loved their parents, and they let them have that control on their life ; they STILL did, even as they began to rebel. by day, the perfect child. by night, a steady descent. it was so painfully easy for morgan to find the party scene, and begin experimenting. alcohol and drugs, sure, but the real problem came when morgan began to discover her sexuality. they just wanted to know what it felt like, the first time that they strolled up to a boy at a party and kissed them. they just wanted to know what it felt like, the first time that they led someone upstairs. they just wanted to try it.

and then the strip turned pink. they were sixteen. they were no longer PERFECT. even if they never said it, morgan felt as if they could feel the disappointment, radiating from their parents. they scrambled to know what to do, and for a chunk of those nine months, struggled with the idea of growing up and letting go. they did what they thought was right, they found a willing family, a perfect one, and they made all the necessary arrangements to hand the baby over when the time came. and then their pregnancy got difficult, and on bedrest, they spent a lot of time simply... talking to their bump. and when they woke up after their c section, and were offered the chance to see their kid - they didn’t want to let it go. they didn’t want to say goodbye.

virginia marie stark, soon to be known as gigi, wasn’t always wanted. but all of a sudden, she was. and morgan wasn’t letting her go. 

they were terrified of disappointment, of being seen as a failure. they never told their parents that - they just moved themselves and gigi out of home, eight months after her birth, and pushed away the people they should have stayed closest with before they had the chance to do it to them. they felt like it was easier. actually, it was worse.

and they grew up. as out of bounds as it had once been thought to be - they did it, because they had to, because they realized that they could. 

SECTION TWO OF TWO : WANTED CONNECTIONS

im going to include the like, long ass actual wcs at the bottom, but : the father of morgan’s kid is MOST wanted, right now ! my personal favorite way that the connect could go is that gigi’s father is actually someone who was teenage morgan’s closest friend, someone who she experimented with, who she was wholly comfortable with. they probably have suspicions, but maybe don’t realize even now ! 

past flings from their teen years are ALWAYS wanted, especially since they were something that morgan really indulged in - but i’m also completely open for current flings, or more recent exes. love ? in this economy ? nah

( similarly, more info down below ) i wld love the prospective parents of gigi that morgan disappointed bc that was a dick move on all parts and wld be such juicy drama, now

definitely wld love an ex group of “”best friends”” who , y’know - were just a rich kid squad causing trouble, that morgan lost contact with / got ostracized from upon her teenage pregnancy

genuine ! friends ! made ! in ! the past ! six ! years ! the first GENUINE friends morgan ever made - preferably people she didn’t know before, but who they met and got super close with upon moving out of the fam home

oh also their older siblings - there are two spots and i wld LOVE to see them snagged because... also... drama

i think it makes most sense for morgan to be living off campus, so a roommate wld be neat - they could be one of her genuine friends, or they could b someone that they dont really know that well. open to anything ! 

MORGAN STARK, our LYRICA OKANO fc, is looking for a EX FLING / ONE NIGHT STAND / FATHER OF HER CHILD connection who looks like ALEX FITZALAN, CHANCE PERDOMO, FINN COLE, DREW RAY TANNER / PLAYERS CHOICE, who is 21 - 23. you DO have to contact prior to applying at PARABCLLUMS or DISCORD. ( one word : yikes. the thing is. the father of morgan’s kid doesn’t… know that they’re the father of morgan’s kid, though they absolutely COULD have their suspicions. i think there’s like… a bunch of directions in which this could go. once upon a time, morgan was… only the prime and proper kid of tony stark and pepper potts, and yeah - her fall from grace came in the form of a teen pregnancy. she was rebelling, and that led to her becoming a bit of a party girl. she made mistakes. she dated around. she had one wrong one night stand, and she ended up pregnant [ later giving birth to virginia marie stark, also known as gigi ]. her life was completely derailed, and when she chose not to put her kid up for adoption, it seemed only to get worse. she had no desire to derail anybody else’s life, too, so she never did. no matter what rumors were thrown around by friends or by tabloids, she never said who the kids dad was - and it really could have been anyones. a best friend. an otherwise enemy she made one bad call with. a friends boyfriend! someone she shouldn’t have been with, someone she felt something for… as i said. limitless potential. we can talk ! )

MORGAN STARK, our LYRICA OKANO fc, is looking for a JUNO STYLE connection who looks like PLAYERS CHOICE, who is 30+ YEARS OF AGE. you DO have to contact prior to applying at PARABCLLUMS or DISCORD. ( i don’t know what to call this. basically : when morgan was sixteen, she got pregnant. it was a scandal perfect for tabloids all across the world, and nothing could have outdone it - except for when she disappointed the prospective adoptive parents of her kid by backing out, upon gigi’s birth. all the way along, they would have been given the impression that morgan was going to hand over the baby to them. all the way along, she DID intend on doing so. things only changed when gigi came into the world, and morgan continues to feel horrific about what happened to this day… though she’s not really good at expressing that. )

[ursoself-satisfying]

do you think eugene is maybe scared of long boat trips? i was thinking about it the other day, maybe he plans on going on holiday with his s/o and the only way to go abroad would be on a boat right? but maybe he would get a little (a lot? im not an expert on this) ptsd while being on the boat and his s/o supporting him but not fully understanding because lets be honest, no-one apart from the soldiers fully understand this sort of stuff, and maybe there's another veteran on-board who helps him?

Before we get into it I wanna say I totally agree n that unless u actually have experienced that ur rly not gonna understand what the person is going thru n this applies to all kinds of trauma but just bc u dont understand doesnt mean u cant do ur best to or that u cant still love support n help them handle it n it doesnt mean they're not gr8tful for ur involvement even if u dont understand,, writing for post war eugene is always tricky cus I dont wanna assume ik how any of this goes or the extent of what it entails i havent done this I've barely done any research its heartbreaking tho n unfair n I just wanted to say all that before u get into this cus it's a combo of both asks but also more of a touchy subject than I feel like I've addressed here so that's just a heads up but enjoy!!

Omg eugene my bby

I def think hes still afraid of boats big time,, so when the two of u decide to go abroad for ur honeymoon it's a big decision for u two to make one w lots of beforehand discussions n considering all ur other options but in the end the push of ur families n the pull of the convenience of a boat eases u both into the decision, even tho nothing about it u kno is going to be easy,, Eugene is p nervous cus I mean the nightmares have lessened n u both have been learning how to handle his flashbacks n the like but u had never tried anything like this yet so on one hand it could be a good time to test the waters but on the other hand neither of u have any idea how itll actually go

Even just in the car on the way there he starts to get shakey n then on the dock it gets a bit worse but ur hands r on him somehow the whole time either locked in his or on his leg or arm or stuck in his pocket n that comforts him, ur touch anchors him n keeps him from drifting to worse thoughts it keeps him thinking about u instead,, its till hard tho just thinking about it being back on that boat forcing himself to remember hes going to France n it's not occupied n hes not alone n hes going to get to see the sights w his wonderful wife n thoroughly enjoy those bright French mornings n that it's going to be quiet, no more bombs or raids or alarms just u n him under thin sheets hot n sticky n just together n safe

But first,, the boat

On the boat? It was rough,, every bit of turbulence n every odd sway made him anxious n as much as u tried to entice him to enjoy more of the boats activities like a cabaret show or even just playing some chess out on the deck n tho u could get him out a few times n he did enjoy himself,, he spent most of his time in the cabin trying to ignore the fact he was on a boat at all,, the rest of his time not being coaxed out by u he spent napping in a deck chair w u often lounging beside him n watching over his sleep carefully, also making sure he didnt burn n lathering her exposed skin in sunblock as much as u could as he slept

U two kept busy in the cabin tho I mean it was ur honeymoon after all ;;;))) so he ravaged u as often as he could bc not only were u a comfort but also a distraction,, u did other things as well tho like laying n listening to ur favourite radio shows or playing guitar to him or sketching him or dancing together or once even doing a silly little fashion show where he def tripped after putting on ur heels

He did have a few attacks tho but u had prepared as best u could n even if some of ur cabin took a beating in an outburst u had always managed to talk him down n he spent a lot of time in ur arms

His breakdowns btw would come suddenly when something would trigger him like a sudden movement or a splash against ur window n then he would get angry n scared n become protective of u until his aggression bubbled over into hot tears drowned out by ur soft words of confirmation trying to tell him u were on a modest cruise liner n u were going to Europe n that the guns n the bombs n the tropical climate were all far away n u would pull him into a cold shower w u n he would often (fuck u hard first then) just cling to u n cry until he could calm down n fall asleep n if he stirred in his sleep u would repeat the process until he could sleep soundly

He was gr8tful to finally be off the boat n back on land tho n once in Paris the two of u could rly enjoy ur honeymoon beginning w breaking in ur hotel bed ;;;)))

But then the two of u got to see the Eiffel Tower n the Seine n the Louvre n Notre dame n it was all so amazing!!!! U spent half the time w ur head in ur sketchbook n he spent all his time taking photos of u w ur head in ur sketchbook lol

The photos were brilliant n sweet n excessive n there were def a few of u bare n freshly fucked (pardon my french) w the Parisian skyline out the window behind u, the morning like shining thru ur messy hair like a halo,, but there were also many of him from the perspective of u kneeling over him n many more of both of u playfully holding up the tower or picnicking in front of a cathedral w u plucking at ur guitar or him w a bottle of wine at his lips

It was all v picturesque n romantic n perfect n u thought he deserved nothing less n he thought the same for u ::""))

U spent about 4 weeks there together n he had throughly used his time to fuck u in every way possible n use every toy u brought with but then it was suddenly time to go home n u were concerned about eugene being back on the boat but he seemed less nervous when u got on n he admitted to feeling a lot better after the first trip n this time he actually went out w u n u played board games w other passengers n danced in the halls n sang w the cabaret n he still sunbathed n napped n made love to u n wrecked ur cabin n u still listened to all ur radio shows n drew n sang but ur lives felt more full somehow after this experience

Oh n u def showed off everything u had bought is Paris n as much as he loved that silk dress on u he loved peeling it off u even more ;;;)))

He rly did feel better when u were finally home to ur little cottage for the first time together as a globetrotting married couple ::"")) he felt better that he hadnt handled it nearly as bad as hed expected n urs n his trip abroad left u feeling loved n cultured n more experienced in life plus u both had taken a huge chance n now u were better for it n felt more capable n confident that he was getting better n it was an affirmation that u would take care of him n that u would always be there for him, just as u had said in ur vows ::""))

He was happy to consummate ur new marriage in ur own bed for the first time tho lol n on top of that gr8 feeling it was just gr8 that he felt less held back w u there w him especially after the boat experience

So yeah a quick note I rly do think he would be terrified of ever stepping foot on a boat again n would refuse it n be vvv adamant about not doing it again for a vvv long time but I think he could be worn down n would EVENTUALLY be ok w it but maybe not this fast n tho I dont feel like I go into much detail here he def has a hard time on the boat as well like hes just agitated the whole time n probably was prescribed some medication for it if just some motion or sea sickness meds n maybe anxiety but i would say it prolly makes him drowsy so hes kinda out of it which keeps him calm but doesnt stop certain flashbacks n maybe he lashes out n hurts someone once in a while cus it's incredibly traumatic returning to that environment but anyway yeah he would be v fidgety n not like it but in this scenario hes willing to take a chance given how well hes been recovering n how much he trusts u n how much u have helped him n the option had pull so that's why but rly I dont think irl he would have gone back on a boat anywhere near that soon but this is romantic fiction so ::))

Also I have a v specific image of who eugene is w if u cant tell lol so I'm sorry for that specificity but I'm so whipped for him n his gal I lov sm I hope u enjoy n guys I'm so motivated to finally write out the storyline I have for him I'm gonna finally get out his fic ok I promise

[onlyjihoons]

college bf!jinyoung

req: collage bf!bae jinyoung au please? im in love with your writings!!!💕💕💕

a/n: special thanks to xuan @hwinkinghwi for the dope mb,, and tho i hate to admit it,, yes baejin looks good in a beret

major: early childhood education

honestly has no idea what to do with his life, but daehwi told him that he was very good with children so he listened lmao

this may or may not have been inspired by w1go

when he first stepped into the classroom, all the female students swooned, because its rare to find male students in that major

even rarer to find such handsome guys in early childhood education

needless to say, all of them shoved him their phone numbers, and when he reached home, he threw them all away LOL

honour roll student back in high school, and of course, valedictorian AND voted #1 cutest boy in the cohort?? oh yes good

people often doubt his ability with children, like,, with that face of yours, shouldn’t you be in mass media or fashion?

but jinyoung can calm a crying baby in less than 5 seconds and he just impressed all of his professors and lecturers

and also the ability to make children happy in just 1 action of his ggugguggagga

and no,, it isnt cute,, its just him badly imitating jihoon and his face does the scrunching thing,, children love it and find it amusing

able to master any baby sitting trick in just one glance and repeats it perfectly

now, lets imagine,, jinyoung cradling a 6-month old infant and singing a lullaby for him to sleep

walking around and swaying to mimick the movement of a rocking cradle

youre welcome

honestly,, jinyoung and babies are the next otp to biscuit wafers and chocolate aka kitkats everyong reference hah im so funny

a1 theory student, able to memorise a 101 page long lecture note in one week, and gets full marks in every test

also in the school’s dance club, dances fairly well, though very underrated

lowkey popular?? but only amongst people who have had classes with him,, is also very lowkey about his life

you, on the other hand, a vetinary major

the only major which actually gives you an excuse to avoid human interaction

to you, animals are true to themselves and dont lie, arent snakes like humans

you have a 2 dogs at home, a poodle and a maltese, which gave birth to tiny maltipoo puppies which were absolutely adorable

you even have 2 guinea pigs,,, your mother was about to chase you out of home because of the number of pets you have

an avid animal lover, the worst part of your major was to put down sick animals, you really hated that the animals were left with no choice but to die

anyhow, one day your professor asked you to bring some puppies over to the early childhood section

you wanted to question why they needed the puppies but you just kept quiet

so you brought over 2 golden retriver puppies, one in each hand

you didnt have enough hands to open the door for yourself, so you had to use your foot to gently kick it open

you were greeted with a room full of toys, and a mirror on one side

you were puzzled, but someone then came in after you

it was this boy, in blonde-brown hair, carrying a toddler in his arms

he looked way better than most of your classmates, to be honest

you regretted not removing your ugly white doctor’s jacket, and your hair was up in a messy bun, with your round rimmed glasses resting on your nose bridge

you were far from presentable, and that boy looked ready to walk on a runway in a simple pullover and jeans

“i--uh... professor lee told me to bring over these 2 puppers here, yeah.” you stuttered

“ah, thank you so much, i need them for a study, but dont worry, the kid wont harm them.” he smiled, as he let the toddler in his arms familiarise himself with the puppies

you nodded your head, then joined him at his seat at the side of the room

“uh, when can i return the puppies...”

“jinyoung”

“jinyoung-ssi?”

“i dont need them for very long actually,” jinyoung said while scribbling down notes on his clipboard, “just about 15 minutes...”

“y/n”

“y/n-ssi.”

you bit your lip, as much as jinyoung was handsome, he seemed cold and unapproachable

you wanted to make small talk but seeing how engrossed he was in his task you decided not to disturb him and observe along with him

after about 15 minutes, jinyoung stopped writing and approached the toddler to tell him they had to go

obviously the toddler didn’t want to, and threw a tantrum

jinyoung calmly tried to calm him down, but the tantrums got worse

so you had to step in and tell the toddler that he could visit the vetinary department anytime to see the puppies, in the kid voice you picked up from your brother when he tried to calm his crying son

the toddler stopped crying, much to jinyoung’s surprise

“this hyung right here will give you candy if you behave well and listen to him!”

“wha--”

“really?”

“really. right, jinyoung?”

jinyoung gulped, “yeah, i will.”

you winked at jinyoung, while carrying the two puppies

“i thought you would be better than me at this, jinyoung-ssi.”

jinyoung turned bright red, and laughed sheepishly, “yeah, i guess you’re good with kids, y/n-ssi.”

and that was prolly the last thing you heard from jinyoung after you left

you had to calm your beating heart as soon as you dropped off the puppies

you thought it would be your last time meeting jinyoung, but no fam heaven has loads more in store for you

you liked to do your work/study at macdonalds’ ,just because the smell of food motivates you

of course, with a mountain of french fries by your side and a large green tea

you have an insane addiction to french fries, you reckon you are gonna die of hypertension before the age of 40

but all’s good because you do exercise regularly, aka chasing after animals

one day you had way too many assignments, and your roommate being a light sleeper, you decided to complete it at macdonalds’ 

you were on your 5th packet of french fries and 3rd cup of coffee

at this point you were about to just drop dead but the assignment was worth alot on your grade

and you had to get that 4.0 gpa

suddenly Likey came on your playlist, and you had to jam to it

because its a bop guys pls support twice

and doing the likey choreography

“you’re good at dancing”

you got the biggest shock of your life, seeing jinyoung settle down on the seat opposite you with a tray of his meal

you also cursed at your luck, always looking at your worst in front of jinyoung

“n-no.. i cant really dance ahahahahAHHAHA”

“what are you doing?” jinyoung peeked from behind your laptop screen, “assignment?”

“yeah... i’ve got a presentation on thursday too.”

“does that mean you get off campus early?” jinyoung asked with his mouth full

“yeah, i guess.”

“do you want to, perhaps go on a date after your presentation?”

you stopped typing momentararily, “a date?”

“yeah, i want to thank you for helping me out that day.” 

you slumped, you thought he was actually asking for a date-date

“and also,, i think you’re kinda cute--”

your eyes widened, as your face blushed at jinyoung’s sudden confession

and that was how the both of you got together HAHAH

very abrupt im sorry

jinyoung would wait for you at the lobby of the dorms to walk to campus together

and go for a quick coffee run

barista!ong would shoot jinyoung playful winks and glances, and jinyoung will never patronise the cafe again 

macdonalds’ dates,, be it with homework or without homework

his lectures always end earlier than yours,, or maybe its just that he blasted off after his lectures to not keep you waiting

most of the time, its the latter

would ask you loads of questions

“how is your course like?”

“are animals more well behaved than children?”

“do you need to bribe them to listen to you?”

literally the type of bf that just walked out of a manga... like he is literally nunbuseyo shining shining without even trying fam

your presence would never fail to bring a smile on his face

would pinch your cheeks whenever he feels like it

lowkey annoying but you know he loves you

“why is my aegi so cute?!?!?!?”

“jinyounf plsf sthop”

your number 1 hypeman too

likes to see you in shambles(messy hair,no makeup, oversized outfits) because “no makeup aegi is the best”

has a habit of calling you aegi bc youre smaller than him makes no sense im sorry

often does the nose scrunch when he is in concentration which is super cute

yall know what im talking about

buys iced tea for you in the summer and hot tea in the winter

lowkey clingy and gets jealous easily

but most of the time he would be messing w you,, always ending it off with, “i’m just kidding, aegi”

whenever you’re stressed while doing work or anything he would have the 7th sense lol and immediately cuddle you with no warning and sometimes you end up having to rush your assignments bc jinyoung distracts you too much

when jinyoung gets stressed, he often bites his lips to one point it started to bleed

and you had to help him nurse the wound rip 

then sneaks a kiss to your lips,,

“my lips would heal immediately like that”

thats how your first kiss went lol

tbh jinyoung is hella shamless as contary to his image

but overall a sweet and caring boyfriend that loves skinship

[perfectpickles]

a long yikes

im used to putting my complaints on tumblr bc i only have like 2 followers so its just a rant space for me so there’s no need to read this

everything sucks some serious ass right now like what i’m like lowkey highkey depressed and ???

-i currently have the worst grades i’ve ever had before in my whole ass life like i literally have a d in english because i... forgot?? to do an assignment i literally forgot it existed and i was absent a bunch and i checked my grades a couple days ago and saw the zero for a 30pt assignment and just holy shit omfg. i’m planning to do it tonight and bring it to my teacher tomorrow but he’s like my worst most douche-y teacher atm and he really doesn’t like me i think im gonna write a mini speech and admit i have no real excuse and just turn it in and hope for the best at least so he knows im not blowing off the assignment

-i need/want straight semester As so i need at least Bs this quarter in everything but just omfg so many Ls i’ve screwed up so much lately i really don’t need english to be biting me like this i’ve always been an a student in english

-i used to be a straight a student but if i can’t pull my shit together effective immediately all i’m gonna be showing colleges is a sudden downward trend 

-i used to be really really popular but one of my best friends cut me off like a month ago. she said its bc im too negative but i kinda call bs because i didnt talk any more shit or complain any more than the rest of our friend group so i dont really know what’s going on there but one of my other best friends has basically drifted away from us to senior friends so i’m left with one of my besties but i used to have this whole clique and we were so close. it hurts because i feel so alone. there are only two friends of mine who i really trust atm except for some who are in college and far away so i kinda just drift through the day feeling lonely and like a loser because everyone hates me. i don’t know what i’ve done exactly but i used to have so many friends and now i have two and i have no classes with one and only one with the other and he’s a senior so when he graduates im left with basically nothing. i want my besties back but i dont think thats ever gonna happen at least not with the one who cut me off. i’m scheming to get them back but a huge part of me wants to give up because i don’t have the energy for much lately and another part of me thinks it’s over for good. i can hear people gossiping about me all the time and i know so many people hate me and it just sucks because i don’t know what i’ve done wrong. and if it’s that i’m too negative i’ve actually changed a lot in that regard lately but no one cares or has paid any attention because i’m almost completely alone.

-i’ve taken on too many activities and i know that but it’s too late to pull out of anything and i need all of them. but i’m so busy and i am really having trouble balancing 

-my dad’s been staying with us for just a couple weeks even though my mom’s gonna file for divorce soon its just really annoying because he keeps trying to bond with me but like dude you’re a huge asshole and you keep proving that every time your facade slips and also you almost killed me and my family only a few months ago?? why can’t he understand how little i want to spend time with him?

-i’m currently pulling an all nighter because i procrastinate too much and i’m so behind in like every class and it is unfortunate because i’m already tired and it’s only 1

-my boyfriend of eight months and i broke up last week and it’s definitely for the best like we sucked at long distance and it was a mutual decision but i realized that because everyone hates me and i’m too exhausted and depressed to put any effort into my physical appearance and health i’m basically gonna be celibate until i graduate and that is really gonna suck because since im not getting invited to any parties lately i have no chance at hooking up with anyone and the physicality of all that was a big destressor for me 

-not only am i too depressed to get anything done, i keep falling asleep randomly and accidentally and im not showering nearly as much as i should be and i need to do laundry but keep forgetting so basically all my personal hygiene is shit. i’ve been biting my nails out of anxiety again for the first time since seventh grade and i hate that because i loved my long nails. everything is unkempt and i feel gross and im just too sad and lethargic to take care of myself which is not great

-i tried to talk to my school counselor about this and now she thinks im a basket case and wants to see me weekly bc im one of those troubled family kids that make school counselors feel like they accomplish anything other than scheduling but i don’t trust her anymore and i kinda hate going

-mads drama has erupted and i would say it’s really not my fault at all for once but everyone hates me like the choral director hates me and some of the kids have been talking shit about me with her which sucks but i feel popular in that class like several people have been backing me up but my trust issues are hugely erupting at this point and i don’t trust any of my mads friends and im constantly on edge and anxious and uncomfortable in that class like i used to love arrogantly feeling like one of the best but people are jealous and are really fucking things over for me bc of it and that just really really sucks

-i gained back the 10-15 lb i lost because i’ve been eating my feelings hardcore

-i don’t know what to do to fix my grades they’re just getting worse and worse as i get more and more behind and it’s unfortunate

-in the past i’ve always had friends to turn to. things have been bad or messy but i’ve never felt lonely like this before. im too extroverted to drift through my days the way i do in a haze of nausea anxiety paranoia and exclusion. it’s driving me insane but also just generally making me sadder and quieter and a shell of myself as the days pass.

[heartsoftruth]

1- Hey I know everyone is sick of Bruna subject but this is not directly about them.. remember when we saw a pic of her wearing something from Nike and discussed it's strange she can do that since she's under contract with Adidas.. well she lost the sponorship now, they just announced it they broke it off lol... I knew this will happen. The media is saying it's because Adidas wanted her to promote themselves through her while dating Neymar as he promotes Nike, so

Anonymous said:they’d be side by side with competition.. and now that they broke up Adidas sacked her too… to me that’s sounds like bullshit to me.. (if there’s any truth to it tho just proves how much her success is tied to dating Neymar) but to me, I’d bet my money it’s because she posted pics of herself wearing Nike that one time.. big no no…

I read that she was fired/her contract wasn’t renewed with them… 

As far as I can remember she didnt wore anything of Nike. She just popped up in their InstaStory since she attended Ney who visited something of Nike. 

I mean the contract ending bc of her relationship ending could be true?? Wasn’t she all of a sudden the face of Adidas a little before their little Olympic reunion?Convenient. Thats all I’m gonna say. 

Anonymous said:hey whats going on in London? Neymar just followed Sara Sampaio and she also arrived there today and posted snaps from some party… is it some promo thing or did Ney just go to hang with supermodels? lol….

He’s there for London Fashion Week. 

Anonymous said:geez does Neymar have one friend and relationship other than his few old friends from Santos that is not some sort of celebrity stunt?? pls don+t tell me he hangs with Lewis cuz they’re so close friends.. they can’t even have one conversation… its getting lame.. he used to be such a sweet humble boy, no he’s turned into this egocentric celebrity chaser that only has eyes for other celebs and models.. so disappointing… :((

He met Lewis in 2015 already when he was on a holiday in the US. I dont think PR had much to do with it. 

Yes he went to a fashion party yesterday and a show today, but then what? I think he really likes Lewis because just like him he’s one of the best in his sport, dedicated, has to train hard and eat right, but also likes to have fun outside of his sport. And just like Ney also gets much slack for it. 

I dont see much PR in it tbh. 

Anonymous said:i was just about to tell you i wish my two faves ney and lewis will meet in london since they’re both there and now im blessed.

haha #blessed! But damn have you seen what they wore today *cries* my eyessssss. 

Anonymous said:he still need a translator to be with him like always?. .I remember pretty well that Neymar said he was trying to learn English. When he was in the US, Bruma put a video on InstaStory and Neymar translated the songs from English to Portuguese to show that he knows English…

I can vaguely remember that video, but not too well. 

Anonymous said:I’m in love with Neymar and Sara❤ I want them to make a couple. They will be so cute .And I’m pretty sure they fit for a relationship.They have quite similar personalities and hobbiesAnonymous said:Me too :) it’s just to bad Sara’s seeing someone 😩

Anonymous said:just saw the pics with sara and i definitely agree with you

Aaaawhhh she really has?? They would look so good indeed! 

princesa-neymar said:de enige model die ik tolereer is sara sampaio 😂

Precies! Verder wegwezen allemaal! haha. En het* (ik ben irritant I know haha)

Anonymous said:It’s like since Neymar left Barca ALL the media seems to be against him.. and I can’t really blame them because he does kind of give them stories and Dani Alves isn’t helping either. If u think the hate Ney was getting on twitter while in Barca was bad? Don’t even check his name on twitter right now because there is not one positive thing about him on there. Even some popular football personalities and pundits are slating him right now. It’s horrible and tbh he has some blame for all this

I have no idea about other media tbh. I’m sure the Catalan press hates on him other than tha I have no idea. I’m sure he isn’t the most loved one and people look at him of douse because of the price tag that was payed for him. 

Who are those popular people bashing him? 

Anonymous said:I feel like Neymar’s attitude will get worse while in PSG or is it just me? While everyone was bothered about him leaving Barca because Ligue 1 is a lower league I was worried about him leaving the leadership of Barca.he was a bit tamed in Barca and had people to at least talk to him on the pitch and stuff but in PSG after paying so much for him i feel like he will be pampered and spoilt and he will get everything he wants which isn’t good for someone like Ney who has a LOT of growing up to do

True that was one of the things I feared when I knew he was going to PSG. One of the main things tbh. Because that is exactly what he doenst need.