#i think im lucky tbh because it could have been so much worse

[clits-and-clips]

A big shout out and thank you to everyone who was so kind to me this year, who gave me advice through one of the most difficult times of my life, who helped me even though we don't even know eachother that well. I'll never forget the kindness and love you all have shown me. It truly helped me so much to be able to vent here and receive similar stories and experiences. I hope I can do the same for you if you ever need it, and im so so grateful for you all🥰🥰

[sidesteppostinghours]

9 and 25 for all of them !! :)

evening gideon!! thank you for the ask :]

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

ok. so. the thing about me is that i dont actually listen to music all that often??? its mostly when i draw digitally, and im primarily a traditional artist so i dont really know that many songs. i also have shitty memory so its hard for me to remember quotes. aka this is a pretty hard question for me to answer, but i will try my best:

Caine-"Oh, captain, make up your mind/Before the salt burns your eyes and you run out of time/'Cause you're popping the cork, you get lost in your brain/And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane" - Ship in a Bottle (fin)

honestly ive never really associated this song with him before but i looked into the lyrics just to see whether it had anything i could think of them with and theres??? actually a bunch of lyrics there that fit???? like to the point i was struggling to decide which one to use for this. but i think this one, the second chorus, really encapsulates the biggest parts of their character. hes the decision maker out of all my steps, the one that knows how to make the logical choices and think his way out of a problem. but hes on a time limit. he doesn't know when it will end, just that it will at some point, and they cant stop if they want everything done in time. also sight and eyes is something i associate caine with a lot, especially closing your eyes/refusing to see. "you get lost in your brain/and you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane." COUGHS. coughs. caine has the most gates open out of all my steps. i also fully intend to make them the source of hb 2.0. yeah.

Cyrus- HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I THOUGHT OF AN ANSWER FOR STRAIGHT AWAY AND I SPRINTED TO HIS TAG JUST TO FIND THE POST

look him in the eyes and say this to his face. he will look like he got hit by a freight train.

Cecilia- another quote!

im just gonna go ahead and put my own tags to this one because thats where i put it best:

#thinking about this again with ceci#the best part is the bullet hole#like yeah shes not ready to face the fact that everything shes been doing up till now#was just to distract herself from the absolute misery life became after heartbreak#she has FRIENDS she has people she CARES about and they even seem to like her back!!!!#she even has a girlfriend!#isnt that enough?#tell her thats enough#cecilia rider

theres a reason shes a thrill seeker yall.

Cynthia- "I swear, I'm so fucking sorry/I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all/But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all" - Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)

uh. *looks at cynthias relationship with ortega* uhhhh. *looks at cynthias relationship with sidestep*. uhhhhhhhh.

this song was also difficult to choose lyrics out of, but there is just something so special about girls who simply have to be the best they can to make up for the sin of being. there is something equally as special about girls who take their past selves as judge, and their lover as executioner. also "im not a good person, im barely a person at all" kills me. the regene flavouring on that line??? utterly insane of mr wood to make a song just for her.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

THESE BITCHES ARE SO CONTRADICTORY!!! THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING CLASHING ABOUT THESE FUCKERS AND ITS DELICIOUS. not even just trait wise, but with their themes? their core ideals? their relationships???? its always some sort of fucking fundamental difference shaping the way they act and i am Obsessed with it. also all of them are dangerous and it makes me vibrate a little bit. rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain. but this question is,,, also difficult to answer because idk how to pick just one favourite lmfao. i will attempt it though.

Caine- he is the normalest guy around. there is also something Deeply Wrong with him. my favourite thing about caine would probably be how fun it is to dive into his psyche! ill often have times where i get bored of them and wonder why i got so interested in the first place, and then i get hit with another round of it and i remember "oh right! its because hes insane." his whole character revolves around what is going on inside their brain, from their high subterfuge to their connection with heartbreak and his relationship with the puppet. theyre the most fun to play with in their mind.

Cyrus- god. my favourite thing about him is a tie between his stubbornness and his surprisingly strong sense of empathy. both of those were the things keeping him from becoming a villain in the first place, and now its whats stopping him from going back to being a hero. i want him to confront what hes become so bad yall dont understand-

Cecilia- cecilia is just. a breath of fresh air. shes easy and super fun to play, and while she certainly has her moments (i am looking directly at the checkpoint three mortum reveal scene), shes mostly lighthearted fun cruising through the game as nothing more than a silly guy. i think the next game will actually dig into her character more deeply and allow me to showcase the parts of her shed usually keep hidden, but for now im having a good time getting her to kiss argent and embarrass her friends.

Cynthia- somebody come pick her up please before she starts crying in this club. she is crying because of me but lets not talk about that. i think my favourite thing about her is the contrast between her general wimpy sad lovergirl disposition and her revenge scar, and how she chooses to cope with it! because like,,,, it is just so so tasty watching her fumble with the overwhelming emotion, Especially since the emotion is hurting people. she never learned what to do with the anger! she does not want it! she wants to be as kind to other people as possible! "im not a bad dog, i dont know why i bite" etc etc. eventually she might figure it out, but Definitely Not Now lmfao.

questions from here!

[lulumilkshake]

head prank on jujutsu kaisen men

pairing(s): g. satoru, k. nanami, f. megumi, i. yuuji, r. sukuna

authors note: no guillotine could prevent the head id give gojo tbh 🥱 lowkey ooc on some but wtvs!

g. satoru -

it was one of the only days he’s had off of missions in awhile and he spent a portion of it playing video games😐

since you were feeling lonely you decided to scroll on your phone to find something to do, that’s when you decided to prank your blue eyed boyfriend.. by giving him a “blowjob”

as you entered his dorm, he didn’t even realize you were in there in the first place because he was so enamored with the video game he was playing

you tiptoed to his desk and tapped him on the back where he jumped a little bit at your touch

“hold on a second” he murmured before turning back to his game

that’s when you decided to take your plan into action 😈 and crawled down under his desk

when he saw you crawling under his playboy instincts immediately kicked in and this mf MANSPREADED💀

you put your hand on his thigh and then.. grabbed a charger you “forgot”!

he was in SHOCK that you would do this to him and completely turned off his game and picked you up to his lap and sat you on his thigh

“got me all hard, you’re gonna take care of it now, yeah?”

k. nanami -

he was finishing up some reports on some missions in his office.

you were feeling extremely bored (and lowkey horny) so you wanted to prank your extremely serious husband.

you put on his favorite nightgown and walked into his office like a vogue model 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

his eyes immediately turned to you eating you UP saying a quick formal hello and that’s when you started walking towards him

you crawled under his desk already seeing the affect the nightgown had on him before reaching up to spread his thighs

as he was about to unbuckle his belt you asked-

“wait do you think a balloon can blow up under water?”

he. got. PISSED.

not only was he stressed with work he had pent up sexual frustrations from EVERYTHING and this was his last straw

he picked you up and pinned you against his desk and exposing your panties

“don’t you have anything better to do then fucking tease me right now? now you have to be punished”

f. megumi -

he came back from a mission he had to finish up, and he looked like a mess

all sweaty, dirty and in need of rest

lucky for him he’s got a girlfriend who is about to make matters worse!

while he was out pretty much saving Japan you plotted a little plan to get back at your boyfriend for ignoring you today😡

he plopped down on his bed next to you not even saying a hello, ugh the nerve

because you didn’t wanna seem like a total asshole you quickly grabbed a washcloth cleaning him up before starting your plan 😈😈

“hey megumi..” you said in the sweet voice you know turns him on

he turned his head nodding as you crawled next to him

“ive had extreme needs lately, and maybe you have to?” you spoke seductively while straddling him with fingers going down to his v line

he gulped as you brought your head down to his belt, playing with it “what are you saying..?”

“i think you know what im saying…. I’VE REALLY BEEN CRAVING ICE CREAM LATELY! let’s go together now!” you said as you threw yourself on top of him.

bro was now SWEATY, TIRED, DIRTY, AND HAD A BONER. that’s crazy!!!! pretty sure his inner toji instincts about to jump ur bones atp

but fr he was not happy; his cold and usually comforting persona completely turned to a sexually pent up boy

he threw you on the bed like a rag doll, putting you ass up in the air💀💀

you SWORE he turned into toji fr

“all because I fucking ignored you once? you really need my dick that badly, huh? well you’ll take it all night then”

i. yuuji -

poor baby probably one of the only ones who doesn’t completely turn into a certified pussy destroyer 😢😢😢

you were watching a movie with him, a basic rom-com and you were a bit upset with him and he could tell

call yourself petty but you were angry because he ate the last ice cream sandwich when it had your name on it!😡😡

you never confronted him about it but he could tell you were angry at him for something so he was trying to do everything to make it up to you, even though he didn’t know what he did. (HES SOO PUSSY WHIPPED)

you decided to talk to him about it first

as he was extremely into the movie, he didn’t even notice that you tapped him to talk until you went down on the floor and crawled to his legs💀

as you crawled closer to his legs he also manspreaded™️

you placed your hands on his thighs as his breath hitched and then you….

“i am NOT happy with you right now😡” you said as you pouted between his legs

“huh..? um why did you go on the floor to say that..?” he asked confused and embarrassed for thinking he was gonna get a blowjob

“because I need a proper apology and the only way to get your attention right now is to make you think your getting a blowjob. feel ashamed.”

“im super sorry for.. whatever I did.. but i don’t know why your angry baby?”

yeah you thought he knew that you were angry because he ate the last ice cream sandwich but he didn’t 💀

you felt so bad so you gave the boy a proper blowjob, forgetting about the issue😭😭

after he found out that he upset you about that, he went out and bought more ice cream sandwiches and also a teddy bear

the only man who got his dick sucked without getting pissed!!🥳

r. sukuna -

uh yeah you got a death wish if you tryna pull this on him. not only will your pussy be destroyed after this, all of your ORGANS will be

but anyways.. you’ve realized that you’ve never pranked your sweet and loveable boyfriend before!🥰 so today you decided that you want to

as you walked into his room, he was sitting on his throne all high and mighty as usual

“what do you want, brat?” (a/n: wow he’s so hot guys i love when he destroys me! he loves my heart shaped sunglasses)

“i have something to gift you!” you gave him a sweet smile as he ordered you to come up

you kneeled down on your knees in front of him, asking for permission to touch him

yeah bro thought you were gonna give him a blowjob too so he agreed and you placed his hands on his thighs, as he shut his eyes

he noticed that you were taking too long to suck him off so he said something

“why the fuck are you taking so long?”

“because my gift is this!” you held up a flower… be so fr rn y/n

“are you fucking kidding me?”

he picked you up and threw you on his lap, ik that shit hurt too..

he pulled down the skirt you had down, as well as your panties

he bent you over his lap and slapped your ass

“not only are you being punished for thinking you could tease me you slut, im going to spank you until you bleed and cry out for my dick”

ian givin no warnings on this post what did u expect tbh

[kittydoodle]

i just wanna talk a little bit about my art journey the past few years, about my mental health related to it, and about my recently rediscovered joy in art. this doesnt have any real point, id just like to share (under the cut because its pretty long lol)

for a very long time, like several years, i was deeply unmotivated and uninspired to make any art. getting out of high school and eventually quitting my first job, i just felt really depressed, and with undiagnosed psoriatic arthritis putting me in worse and worse pain every day, i was lucky if i could even physically sit down and get a doodle out.

i also held myself to secret unsaid rules about how to create my art. no starting a piece unless i intend to finish it in the same day. no creating anything that isnt fully colored and polished. no making anything that doesnt have perfect lines or proportions im perfectly satisfied with. it stunted my self expression, it took all the joy out of making my art, and it made me upset because i believed i was somehow losing my passion for making art.

i sincerely believed i was growing out of my desire to draw, forever. i was distraught and grieving. i couldnt even draw things i was excited to, i would think to myself, "wow! id love to draw this idea!" and then id sit down and think about how id have to finish a full, perfect piece, and id immediately lose my motivation. so all id ever make were full, finished pieces every once in awhile, and i was still deeply unsatisfied with them.

however, in the past 6 months or so, a few things have come together that have really restored my excitement for creating art

first, (DISCLAIMER: this is not advice! dont follow my example!) i quit my adhd meds. yes, really. i was suddenly out of them for a couple weeks and in those couple weeks i realized i felt better than i had in years, and, ironically, it was way easier for my to do chores without it. the only thing i can really think of to explain it is that i was on a stimulant medication for a very, very long time, like most of my working memory ive been on them. i guess after so long it stopped working the way it should to due to tolerance buildup and was just bogging me down instead of stimulating me.

second, i doodle, i sketch, i make quick drawings i have no intention of finishing. i allow myself not to finish or perfect a piece. i even draw random ideas i wont do anything else with, just for fun. at the advice of a few friends, i have forcefully practiced letting myself get messy and unrefined with my art so that its less intimidating, and to my surprise it actually worked.

third, i started arthritis meds and i listen to my body way better now so i can avoid inflaming and injuring myself, which makes it a lot easier to draw without pain! i even do stretches! im still working on fully effective treatment for my pain, but im doing at least a little better

i dont really know where im going with this tbh... for anyone who has followed me for a long time, uve seen this blog get quiet with little to no art posts for months and months at a time for the past few years, so i hope u are excited to see me posting more frequently again! i missed it! i hope u enjoy me now as much as im enjoying me!

im happy to be creating again and i hope i can keep my passion going! im happier now than i have been in an extremely long time, and im excited to show everyone the things ive been creating more often

umm thats all i guess! if u read this far ummmm One Big Kissaroo From Me To You okay 🩷🩷🩷 MWAH

[sningo-prompts]

Okay, okay hold on a sec. Think about it. Ingo getting captured by poachers would mean that he will be forced to eat out of a bowl. If he's lucky. Maybe they'll pour his food straight on the floor. And he is so hungry and getting weaker, so he needs to eat. Also haa to lick his water up every day. Ingo getting captured would break this man and I'm here for every second of it. Emmet is going to straight up murder them all.

Ok this took a moment. Had to get myself in the right head space for something like this. I hope i dont disappoint too much.

WARNING

I uhhh got carried a little away with the set up. And CURSING LOTS OF CURSING THREATS OF VIOLENCE ok making sure yall see that am i sorry for what i did Not really. It could have been worse tbh. I had a bit planned for Emmet in here but im lazy. Its 23:55 ok

They dont capture Ingo in a ball because they assume Emmet is his trainer. So they dont even try. Instead the ruffly toss him into a very small cage. Oh Now see this is why Ingo doesnt like cages. He keeps getting thrown into them. Which hurts. His scruff is so very sore. Arceus he hates being picked up by his scruff. His cage is probably around crate size. He can stand up in it and move around but its just barely too big for his to touch each side with his claws if he stood in the middle. Its cold and metal.

So Ingo tossed into a cage. He hardly has time to think before the talking starts. “Man that Emmet fucker put up one hell of a fight for this thing” “At least that dumb bitch gave us an opening.” laughter “hey give the brat some credit! Without her we wouldnt have gotten anywhere near the thing!” Great Ingo has been called a thing twice now. One of them is walking up to his cage. Which is on the floor so all Ingo can see are shins. They man bends down, a taking his cigar out of his mouth he blows the smoke into Ingos face. Of course he has a coughing fit. “Well now you be good for us and make us lots of money”. Ingo just glares at the man. From across the room one of the others pipes up “hey now dont damage this one! You know that it will sell better if its un damaged!” Signing the man puts his cigar back in his mouth and stands up “yeah yeah i know. Even if the little bastard is giving me the stink eye i wont break this one” they laugh again. Ingo though hes full panic. “Damage? Break?” Oh oh whats gonna happen to him.

Its a few hours later after the men have finished playing some sort of gambling game. The same man comes back. He has two bowls. He bends down to look Ingo in the eyes “now listen here you little shit. Im going to open the top of this here cage and you are gonna sit right there and not fucking move a single mussel. And if you even look like you plan to escape or attack me ill break for fucking legs you got it.” Ingo.exe has stopped responding. “Good” now hes opening the top Ingo doesnt dare move. The man sets in a water dish and a food bowl. Ingo feels sick. The cheapest pokemon food on the market is poured into the food dish. At least the water comes strait from a bottle. The man is reaching for Ingo oh its happening oh hes gonna get hurt oh no no. Ingo flenches away and closes his eyes bracing for the worst. The man chuckles and pets his head. “Glad to see we understand each other” once the hand is gone from Ingos face he dares to open his eyes. Just as the man closes the cage top. He doesnt dare move till the man fully leaves the room. Ok he can panic now. Hes clutching his chest. Oh hes crying. He wants to go home. Hes cold and hungry and scared. Emmet where are you please Emmet help me. He stays like that for who knows how long. Well i know its like four hours. Aka four am.

Hes done crying. Eyes long since dried up. But hes still just sitting there in the corner of his cage curled up knees to chest. Its his stomach that actually snaps him back. Hes hungry, having not eaten since breakfast the day before all this happened. He eyes the food. Hes not that hungry. He goes to sleep.

Hes awaken later by the door to the room opening. Its the man again. The only light in the room is from above. He has no idea what time it is. Its one pm. The man is doing something by the table. He hears something that sounds like gravel in a plastic cup. Oh no the man hes coming over to him. Ingo gets as far away from the “front” of the cage. Its just got a solid top and bottom rest is bared. She man kneels down again. Hes looking what feels like right into Ingos soul. How terrifying. The mans eyes move to the food and water. Ingos own gaze follows. “Tsk” Ingo snaps back to the man. Oh he doesnt look pleased. He looks angry. “Now see here you little shit. I wont have you starving to death before we sell you. You WILL eat.” Ingo just starts shaking again. This is it the mans gonna hurt him. The man opens the top Ingo once again braces for the worst. Only to open his eyes once he hears plastic sliding across metal. The man has moved the bowl to infront of Ingo. “Now eat.” … Ingo slowly with one trembling arm reaches out towards the bowl. He picks up a piece and slowly puts it in his mouth. Its bland and he hates the texture.

[t0rture-me]

danny - 🍧🌺🍃🕷️🙉🎁🖍️💚💔

ciaran - 💥😭😨🌙🕷️🌹🙉🖍️💗

kyle -

general for cat and mouse - 🎀

long post below but here's some cat and mouse asks for those interested!

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

[D]anny doesn't really have much from his childhood. Like, it was a fine time, but he isn't super nostalgic about it or the stuff that came from it.

🌺 HIBISCUS - do they have any allergies?

[D] Aside from seasonal, nope! He's very lucky, he can eat whatever he wants he is lactose intolerant tho lol

🍃 FALLING LEAF - do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

[D] yes! he misses being outside so much. not even just from getting nabbed, he lived in a city before, it's not exactly super nature-y. he's driven probably too far for the chance to take a hike.

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

[D] as far as things goes,,, this. he's living his worst fear. he wasn't as afraid of vampires before but now that he's actually been exposed and captured by them, yeah it's this. especially after his escape, during his recovery arc. in terms of mundane stuff, spiders!

[C]iaran is very very afraid of clowns. he would never even dream of mentioning it, but thats his like one and only fear.

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

[D] i think for him at this exact moment, it would be something like overhearing ciaran and marcus arguing about him again, because thats when things tend to go south for him. along with that, hearing anyone aside from ciaran and marcus agree that it's his own fault that he got captured.

[C] it would probably be something along the lines of marcus liking danny more than him or something. he doesnt show it, but he got some attachment and jealousy issues.

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

[D] right now, danny would be mos happy to get some basic comfort items! marcus gave him a blanket, but he's the type to sleep with like 5 blankets and 20 pillows, so he'd appreciate more! he's not bad at gift giving, he's ok, but it's not a particular talent of his!

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

[D] hang in there, bud. you've got a recovery arc in your future with someone who you really love and who really loves you. you'll get through the hard parts

[C] bestie if you continue on the path you're on, you're gonna lose the only friend you've every had.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

[D] as mentioned above, he loves blankets and pillows! he's also generally a touchy person. in the timeline as he trusts kyle more, he will start to be more touchy with them.

💔 BROKEN HEART - what could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

[D] also mentioned above, but blame danny for his capture, or tell him that they pity him, somthing like that

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

[C] he has a hard time dealing with jealousy. whether it's because he's jealous of something someone else has, or being left out, on the surface it pisses him off, but deep down, he's feeling a gut punch.

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

[C] i honest to god can't think of something that would make him actually cry. plenty upsets him, sure, but i think he's a very rare crier

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?

[C] fight, easily. like, he's fight most of the time anyway, but if he's threatened he's not gonna roll over and take it.

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

[C] tbh i've spent too long thinking about this so im just gonna ignore it and figure it out later lmao

🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

[C] he thinks it's overrated. he's been confessed to once or twice as a younger vamp but he's never confessed to anyone. he thinks that its pointless to have a specific day for something like that, if he likes someone he's gonna pursue the relationship when it happens, he's not gonna wait for some stupid day

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they're in love?

[C] not particularly noticeable. if he likes/loves someone, he's not gonna be obvious about it. anytime he's confessed to someone, theyve been surprised because he hides it so well. he doesnt really do much different, but will subtly spend more time in the same area as them. like reading in the same room or something idk if this makes sense lol

[ohnopoe]

Hiya there!!!! Could i maybe please have some headcanons about the characters you write for being in love with a very domestic/ cottagecore/ disney-princess-loving sweet girl who works at a daycare (with babies) ?

Im sorry if that didnt make much sense im french but i love your writing!!! Have an amazing day!! 😊

Your patience is extraordinary. I’m so sorry this took so long, and I’m additionally sorry that I couldn’t provide more characters for this. Between it beginning to feel repetitive and just having a mental block on it, which has been practically consuming my ability to write, I’m afraid I was only able to give you five characters, but hopefully the accidental mini stories they turned into makes up for that!

Under the cut you will find headcanons or miniature fics tbh for Din Djarin, Ezra, Frankie Morales, Javier Peña and Poe Dameron

Din Djarin

Looking after Grogu is Din’s priority. So, when he sees his adoptive son clinging to your leg after he leaves him at the small daycare on Nevarro, utterly enraptured in your every movement as you finish putting away the colourful pencils the children had been playing with, well, he’s intrigued.

When Grogu is reluctant to leave the planet, putting on a fuss as he flies away, well, he’s fascinated.

Plenty of people got along with the little green baby, and it seemed people fell for his big bug eyes everywhere they went. But he hadn’t seen the child so enraptured before… It was almost the same kind of adoration he seemed to throw towards Din.

Weeks pass before he’s landing back in Nevarro, ready to take on another job, and he’s almost forgotten about you. But the way Grogu perks up at the familiar surroundings is an instant reminder.

He hadn’t even intended to leave the kid at the daycare this time, it was only meant to be a short trip after all, but who could say ‘no’ to those pleading eyes?

The day’s half over when he knocks on the door. Children of all species are spread about the room, and there’s an air of chaos to the scene, but as you meet his gaze through that vizor that keeps him shielded from the rest of the room, he finally understands the absolute sense of calm you exude.

He’s frozen.

Your smile cuts through him, it’s gentle and soft and reassuring and everything he didn’t know he’d been missing for so many years now.

He stutters, genuinely stutters when he hands Grogu over, asking if he can spend the rest of the day with the other children. And if you notice, well, you’re not about to mention it just yet.

He’s making more trips to Nevarro, even he refuses to acknowledge why. The kid needs to socialise more, jobs from Karga are smarter, it’s good to keep in contact with the Cara, to know what the rebellion is up to… Excuses seem to pile up upon one another. Of course it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that every time he sees your smile directed at him, every time he watches the way you play with Grogu, the world seems a little lighter.

A dangerous mission is what changes things.

He knows it’ll bring good credits, and provide more safety for the kid in the long run, but bringing him along for the ride is too risky, and it’s exactly what the enemy would be expecting. So he asks if you’ll look after him, just for a few days.

Of course, you’re more than happy to take the little green menace, but it’s the way you tell him to be careful, the way he can almost see genuine worry in your gaze as you utter words of care that he’s so damn unused to that has him struck once more.

The sight of you there, looking at him with such a gentle look, with his kid in your arms, well, it distracts him more than he’d care to admit.

So when he comes back to Nevarro, to your house of all things, he’s a little worse for wear, and he’s certainly not expecting the way you usher him in, or the way you look after him. Suddenly, leaving Nevarro at all seems like the stupidest decision possible, when you’re there in your humble house that still screams home more than anything he can remember.

He stays for days, you’re insistent that he heal properly and take the time to rest before he goes rushing back into the universe. And it’s the most relaxed he’s ever felt.

Ezra

After his time in The Green, Ezra is certain of one thing, he’s had enough of that damn colour.

There’s only so long you can spend surrounded by shades of green before it starts to haunt you, and even the most poetic of people lose any sense of beauty they once found in it.

But then there was you.

You, who lived a life so far removed from what he had experienced, that the flowery poetics seemed to just flow from him once more.

His insecurities after losing his arm seemed to lessen in your presence, caught up in the whirlwind that was you.

Laughter and joy seemed to fill the days, and sometimes he’d even help you with your work simply to enjoy the bubble of joy you seemed to exude, to embrace every moment of happiness that he was lucky enough to experience.

Colours seemed brighter, and filled with a range he had only hoped to see, when you were around. And those poems he had loved so dearly were not just a distant dream, they were tangible and real.

Softness and beauty coloured his days once more, and his heart was full.

Even green seemed more beautiful now.

Frankie Morales

In all honesty? He’s terrified. You’re his daughter’s daycare worker and it doesn’t matter that you make him smile, make those damn butterflies fill his chest in a way he hasn’t felt since he was an awkward teenager. It doesn’t matter that your smile is so damn captivating that it has him smiling goofily to himself the whole damn drive to work after he drops his daughter off with you.

It doesn’t matter because it can’t. He won’t interfere with your work and he certainly won’t be that creep who asks you out when you look after his daughter, no, nope, absolutely not.

But then, a year later, and his daughter is off to preschool, and yeah, ok, he’s a bit of a wreck as he shops for school supplies, but suddenly you’re there. It hasn’t been long at all, and yet he can’t help but think how much he has missed that smile.

It’s so much harder to explain to his little girl that, despite the chance encounter, you won’t be a part of her life anymore, especially when she’s so darn excited to see you, and so he stumbles, he struggles and glances to you for help and, well, the help you give has him even more lost for words.

You suggest lunch, on the first weekend after she’s started school. Just Frankie, her and you, all meeting at a park where his daughter can tell you all about ‘big school’.

He’s silent so long that you worry you’ve overstepped, and just as you’re about to ramble off some excuse in a desperate attempt to backtrack, he offers you the most beaming smile you’ve ever seen.

Well, your not so little crush was doomed, and so was your heart. But after lunch that soon turned into a weekly affair, you soon came to realise, your heart was in very safe hands.

Javier Peña

I’m not going to lie, at first Javier is skeptical to say the least. He’s seen chaos and pain and suffering for so long, that seeing someone so damn gentle? Yeah, he’s wondering what your game is. But then it becomes something else, it becomes a fascination. You seem sincere in your softness, and he finds himself smiling back at you in an instant, before he can even question it.

So, skepticism turns to curiosity. Are you just naive to the horrors of the world? Are you really that sheltered that you believe what the fairytales told you the world would be? He has to know, even if he’s cursing himself the whole damn way.

He’s spending more time with you to figure you out, that’s what he tells himself. Of course, it’s obvious to everyone else the change that you bring. His shoulders are less tense, he’s not bitting people’s heads off at work, hell, he’s smiling more.

It’s different to what he’s used to. It’s softer, and slower, and he’s reluctant as hell, but things just seem to happen.

You’re at his place as often as your own. You’re sharing movies with him that he’s never even considered seeing before, you’re sharing your lives with one another, and there hasn’t been a single date so far.

You’re everything he’s fighting to protect, before he can even acknowledge his own feelings for you. But as oblivious as Javier can be to these things, you’re not. You know the stories, the tales of love that seemed to pass him by. You’re patient as he navigates his way through his feelings.

It’s a random moment in time, really. You’re on his couch, talking about the children you work with, it’s just another day. But it’s everything to him. It’s the moment he realises you’re his all, that being right there, in that moment, listening to you talk about children you clearly adore, children that aren’t even your own, it’s all he’s ever needed, and all he ever wants.

The progression from that odd friendship to something more is surprisingly smooth.

Of course, he’s bound to stumble along the way, it’s so far from what he’s used to that he’s terrified half the time of stuffing up to a point of no return. But it’s genuine, it’s real, and you can both simply be yourselves; even if he does tease you a little about the ‘childish’ decor that starts to fill the apartment when you finally move in.

Poe Dameron

It was an accident, the first time Poe quite literally ran into you. BB-8 assured him that it would be faster to get to his ship through the path he had never ventured before as he rushed to fly out for a sudden mission, and he was right. What the little droid had failed to mention, however, was that said path ran directly through the resistance’s schooling area.

It was a small group of rooms, with few children of resistance members actually living on base, but it was something so downright shocking that it had him stumbling in shock as he glanced about at the colourful finger paintings and bright array of plants that he didn’t even notice the way the group of preschoolers stared up at him in awe, or, for that matter, the fact that you were standing before him... until you weren’t. The force of his sprint landed you on the floor with nothing but a surprised “ooft!” coming from your lips, and an echoing round of shocked and anxious gasps from your students.

After an awkward round of apologising, and continuing to call out long after he had checked you were alright and helped you up, he was off, making his way once more, the sound of “sorry!” fading away as he drifted further down the corridors.

One chance meeting suddenly turned into more. It seemed wherever he turned, there you were. Grabbing a late meal at the same time, having your med-checks one after the other… it was as if fate itself had decided the two of you simply had to interact.

You filled his mind, someone so normal amongst the chaos of war. And while he may not have realised it, he began to seek you out.

Chatting with your kids about flying, bringing back interesting plants he saw on his adventures, there was always a reason to see you, after-all, Poe Dameron was the King of Excuses.

But you brought him a sense of hope and home, something he had missed for far too long, and he wasn’t about to give that up anytime soon.

[fandomfixationstation]

Warning: mention of death of a loved one.

Todays concept is MC gets a call that like their parental figure has died one way or another and this upsets them greatly because one, they aren’t there to help with anything two, the only people there to do anything are their siblings three, they considered said parent a angel or a blessing by god (optional/bonus points if said parents name means angel-)  They don’t say anything at first though they seem rather angry and now one can figure out why. then they hide and have a mental breakdown to cry in hopefully but unlikely peace.  now I shall write the response headcanons / scenarios or whatever I will do Update: well I didn’t write a scenario / short story bit for all of them because i ran out of energy to do so and then i never went back to it, though if anyone begs or askes nicely I could in theory maybe work something out. this was something self indulgent and was something i wrote to really get me out of a bad headspace.  Lucifer

He is the first one to realize something is wrong, especially if they aren’t a very angry person. 

probably doesn’t get to ask about what is going on because he is forced to deal with something else and rather quickly

though when people start inquiring where they went after lunch, finding it unlikely that they would randomly choose to skip class or something he makes his goal to find them.

Probably doesn’t take him long to find them after he starts looking. gets it in the first three guesses of where they are hiding.

“why are you hiding here with Cerberus?” Lucifer said with a bit of amusement. he figured he would find them here with his dog. just not curled up and cuddling. 

“wouldn’t you like to know” was all they uttered out, having no real energy to argue, or fight. though it was clear they had been crying their eyes out. 

“well something is clearly upsetting you, why not talk about it. nobody else is here to listen in” Lucifer offers to lend an ear to listen to their problems. he was also hoping that by doing so he could get to the root of the problem and deal with it. expecting that he was going to have to knock one of his brothers into line again. 

“I just received some bad news. that’s all. also, I’ll be otherwise located Friday, so like, don’t worry if I’m not around on Friday, I will be back like Saturday, so there is that” They explain, clearly not wanting to get into the details of the so called bad news.  

“otherwise located?” Lucifer inquired as to what the hell they meant by that. 

“yeah, um, I will be visiting - visiting the human world for the day.” visiting might not be the word they were looking for but it was the word they went with nonetheless. 

“your visiting the human world?” Lucifer was surprised to say the least. especially considering he wasn’t hearing about this till now. 

“yeah, i was talking to Diavolo not long ago to make sure it was alright” with a sigh the were back to melting into the side of the dog. 

“normally you are excited to visit the human world, what happened” lucifer wanted to get to the root of the misery they were feeling and he wasn’t gonna sweep this under the rug.

“for fuck sakes, you really aren’t gonna leave me alone till I say it huh? my parent fucking died. are you fucking happy, lucifer? Jesus Christ.” doing everything in their power to hold back a second wave of tears as they add on “my blessing of a parent died. can we drop the topic now?” they said clearly not wanting to hear anything come out of lucifer's mouth as they hardly give him the chance to speak. 

“ah, I see, my condolences” Lucifer was trying to figure out what to say at the same time he was trying to figure out how to cheer them up or at least make them more comfortable. “do you want some Kleenex? how about some water?” lucifer inquired simply.

“water would be nice.” they let out a sigh. 

“im sure your parent was a lovely person. I think it is safe to assume that they’ll end up somewhere where they are safe and happy” Lucifer states simply as he holds a hand out to them to help them to their feet.

“I have no doubts about it. so you don’t need to tell me twice. it just. . . hurts” They says rather quietly. Accepting lucifer’s hand and pulling themself to their feet. 

”go take a seat in my office, no one will bother you in there. I’ll join you soon enough with your glass of water.”  Mammon

This man probably thinks he did something wrong, spends half the day trying to figure out what he did

if its not that he is trying to figure out who pissed them off and who he should be yelling at.

he hates to admit it but he doesn’t like seeing them angry or upset. 

is probably gonna be first to realize that they slipped of to somewhere and start trying to find them right away. 

after checking a few other areas, Mammon finally considers they might have just gone home to hide. knocking on their door and slowly opening it mammon calls out into the room “Oi, human are you in here?”. 

“Go away Mammon” they were heard but very muffled as they had encased themselves in several blankets, clearly sounding like they were crying. unless they choose to eat gravel or something. 

“what’s got you so bumbed out?” Mammon said fully entering the room now know that they were in the room and completely ignoring their request to go away. 

“I said go away, I don’t want to talk about it” They said pulling the pillow to their head in hopes to block out more of the world. so that they didn’t have to look up and face the fact they were a hot mess. so mammon didn’t have to see them like this.

“no! the great mammon isn’t leaving till you say what's bothering you! that way I can fix it for you!” Mammon declared boldly. goofy grin on his face hoping that his optimism would help cheer them up. 

“you can’t fix this. you cant bring back the dead. well unless you use necromancy, but. that's never worked out” They had let out a dry laugh for saying all of this. but now they were holding back tears trying to not cry their heart out for a second time.

“oh human...” Mammon was at a loss of words, though to be fair he didn’t get the time to form a full sentence. 

“I’ll never get them back. they were practically an angel” they sniffled, trying to not sob. “my parent died mammon. what the fuck am I going to do?” they didn’t really expect an answer from mammon. 

“Listen here, the great mammon will deal with all the technical talk, and will make sure you can go to the human world long enough for you to do what you need to. but till then and maybe after, I’ll be here for you.” mammon explained simply. 

after letting out a chocked sob they reached out a hand and grabbed onto mammon's arm. “thank you” they sobbed out. mammon just sat there and patted the blanket pile gently trying to give as much comfort as he could. 

“do you want a hug?”

“please-”

Leviathan

since he hides away and does online classes (Correct me if im wrong) he might not even realize something is going on

unless he messages them and doesn’t get a response. 

will ask if the others have seen them and like will try to figure out where they were last seen.

eventually puzzles together that something is wrong and he should look for them

Satan

He although wrathful himself, isn’t able to see through the anger and might be a little annoyed about them for being so.

though he does understand that there is probably a reason for them being upset. he’ll do his best to figure out what caused them to act this way.

he’s stubborn and straight forward, he’ll probably be direct and ask what is wrong and wont leave till he gets an answer.

or he might occasionally bring it up and keep getting updates with how their doing kind of thing.

doesn’t really have to seek for them when they hide away because he watched them slip away and got worried and followed them

Asmodeus 

he is very quick to realize something more is going on, something more than meets the eye. 

probably doesn’t directly do anything at first other than same some sugar coated words in hopes it cheers them up.

when that doesn’t work, he gets very worried and tries to convince them to do somethings to ‘take your mind off of things’ 

knows exactly where to look to find them. first try!

Beelzebub

one of two ways, he either doesn’t notice anything for the first little bit, or he has a strange feeling nagging him that something is wrong and he tries to figure out what.

once its clear that they’ve disappeared he is quick to start looking, might take a while to find them because he is gonna check everywhere to find them.

bear hugs no questions asked, will try to comfort to the best of his abilities. 

will ask them what they want to do after a while to see what he can do to make them feel better

Belphegor

tbh honest probably knows something is up right away. 

with either avoid it entirely or bluntly ask what is wrong

if he doesn’t get a direct answer or is shooed away he doesn’t have the energy to push for the truth, might be a bit annoyed.

once he hears that they have gone missing it probably wont take him long to find them. 

will sit down next to them and be like ‘now will you tell me what is wrong?’

Solomon

since he doesn’t have the same amount of time with them he may not notice at first. or he does notice ASAP because holy shit what happened why are they so mad.

might try to inquire what is wrong and like use his natural charm to try to cheer them up. 

when he hears they are lost or missing ect. he uses magic to find them as quickly as possible. 

will do a bunch of considerably silly and goofy things trying to get them to smile or laugh before trying to get them to talk about whats bothering them

Simeon 

doesn’t take him long to figure out something is wrong, just one look and he knows

but other wise, he’ll simply ask if you want to talk about it. when bluntly rejected he’ll leave them alone

they go missing during the day? maybe it was worse than he first realized, he’ll go looking for them.

will find them within the hour, maybe a half hour if he’s lucky. 

mans will try to comfort them any way he can.

_____________________________________________________________ sorry, for not doing Diavolo, luke and barbatos, i just didn’t really have the time to do them nor could i figure out how to do ones for them so like aihogdsifh sorry. but i do hope you enjoy this post nonetheless. 

[willowistic22]

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for...  obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

-

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit. 

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

[gamerwoo]

Wonwoo: Atlas

Characters: Wonwoo x female reader

Genre/warnings: mafia au, angst, little bits of fluff here and there but it just adds to the angst tbh, alcohol, smoking, Woo being depresso

Word count: 2,632

Summary: Atlas shrugged his shoulders, said he'd drop that boulder. Call me in the morning when I'm sober, find me in the corner in a coma.

a/n: this was inspired by the song atlas by keshi (and if u like sad boy vibes i highly recommend his music!!!). things in italics are flashbacks (also i didn’t even listen to atlas for half of this i just listened to call me kevin play the sims lmao) ALSO im doing 2 other keshi songs (probably for mingyu and hongseok but idk) and while this technically is a mini series using keshi songs, they won’t be a continuation of this fic. they’re going to be their own lil things. ok that’s it goodbye

2 soon | the reaper 

Limping down the street, the streetlamps being the only source of lighting, Wonwoo’s mind couldn’t help but wander. There were no cars going by at this time of night, not even a cool breeze to listen to the shaking leaves in the trees. The street was dead silent other than his heavy footsteps as he tried to make it home on his own. He was sure God or whatever higher power out there was out to get him lately since on top of everything else, his car had broken down and he was left to walk the rest of the way after calling Mingyu to make sure someone would get the car.

Had anyone been walking around this time of night, they’d probably call the police seeing Wonwoo awkwardly walking down the street with his hurt leg. Despite the nice suit, it was unbuttoned, slightly torn, and stained with splatters of blood. His white shirt underneath was half undone and splattered with blood as well, his tie was hanging loosely around his neck, his hair was disheveled, his right eye was beginning to bruise, and the left corner of his lip was caked with dried blood. There was a trail of dried blood going from his nose to his top lip as well, and his tired expression only added to his awful appearance. 

“Oh my god, Wonwoo!” you gasped when you spotted him from the window, Joshua and Minghao rushing out behind you.

It was one of the first times he’d come home beaten up. You didn’t know about his line of work when you’d first started dating, but when it began to become more serious, he had to break and tell you. Finding out your boyfriend was in the mafia worried you for obvious reasons, to a point where for a while, two of the men he worked with had to stay at the house with you to make sure you didn’t go off trying anything stupid. But you did often pace the kitchen, checking out the window that faced the street to see when his car pulled in. And one night, you saw him be helped out of the car by Seungcheol because Wonwoo was so beaten up.

“It’s okay, baby,” he reassured you as you rushed to him.

“Careful, careful,” Seungcheol warned, not wanting you to throw yourself into him or anything. Jeonghan had just stitched up his gunshot wound, but Wonwoo made him swear not to tell you that much.

“What happened?” you asked, looking him over. He looked about as messy as his clothes, and that was saying something since he was missing his jacket he left the house with, and his shirt was barely hanging onto his body by thin threads. You moved to Wonwoo’s other side, putting his arm around your shoulders. “I’ve got him.”

Seungcheol carefully leaned your boyfriend’s weight onto you, letting you practically carry the poor man inside. Wonwoo managed to smirk at how worried you were. He knew it just meant you cared, and that meant the world to him.

“You’re so cute,” he chuckled, which then turned into coughing that only worsened your anxiety about his injuries. “Let the boys handle it, okay? I’ll be fine.”

You scoffed, “Not a chance.”

Wonwoo pulled a carton of cigarettes from his pocket, taking a cigarette and a lighter out from the pack. He put it between his lips and lit the end before taking a long drag and letting the smoke waft out from his mouth. His eyes locked on the driveway of his house as he recalled how many times you’d dragged him inside, sat him down on the couch or leaned him up against the sink in the kitchen and patched him up. He smiled fondly, remembering all the times you’d scolded him for so long until you were just repeating yourself, only to sigh and say, “You know I love you, right?”. 

But now, he walked up the driveway alone. Despite his limping, there was nobody to carry him home. He had to push himself up the steps, pausing on each one to brace himself for the next. He walked into the house, expecting the echo of his footsteps that he was used to even during your relationship, but not used to the emptiness he felt in the house. At least when his shoes would hit the hardwood as he walked to the bathroom to clean himself up, he knew you were upstairs. But now, he knew he was the only one in the house, and that was a new feeling. A new but vaguely familiar feeling of being alone. He was alone before you, but he was so accustomed to your presence that he forgot what it was like to not have anybody there when he came home.

“Wonwoo--”

“Go back upstairs,” Wonwoo huffed, trying to get to the basement while Junhui and Mingyu helped him.

This time it was worse. You were used to him coming home later, so you no longer wasted an hour or two pacing by the kitchen window, but instead waited until you heard the heavy sound of his boots against the hardwood in the hallway, going toward either the kitchen or the bathroom. He wasn’t always hurt, but this time, he was in worse shape than he’d let you know. That was why there were more men with him.

“But--”

“_____,” he growled, his eyes glancing up at the stairway you were now frozen on. He’d used this voice before -- only a handful of times to show he was serious and didn’t want to fight you on whatever it was -- but it always made you freeze completely where you were. “Go.”

Mingyu and Jun continued to help him to the basement, Seungcheol and Soonyoung following behind them. You waited until you heard the basement door close before dropping your head and going back up the stairs to your room.

Glancing away from the staircase, Wonwoo continued down the hall to the kitchen. He grabbed the bottle of bourbon he left unfinished on the counter before going for the basement door. He threw it open, not bothering to close it behind him because there wasn’t a point to anymore. He was lucky he managed to get down the stairs without falling down them before he went over to his little corner where his desk was. They’d used the basement for plenty of things before, but it was mostly where he kept his ‘business things’. That’s why you weren’t to go down there -- not that that didn’t stop you from checking on Wonwoo from time to time when he had locked himself away down there.

Wonwoo flopped down in his chair, opening the bottle and taking a swig. He stared across the room, trying to grasp the reality that he was alone in the house. He wasn’t sure when it would finally sink in, but it hadn’t yet. It had been a month and he still had himself thinking he could hear your footsteps as you tried to sneak downstairs to check on him, or the shower running with your soft singing drifting from under the door. But the harsh truth was that you were gone an he was just imagining these things.

At first when he got home, you were the first thing he would check on. He wanted to know about your day, what you did, how you were feeling. He was grateful when you had dinner made for him -- even if it was cold by the time he got home -- and loved relaxing on the couch or in bed with you when he got home. But he slowly started seeing you less and less. He didn’t see you most days at all, so you looked forward to the nights. But more often, he started politely turning down dinner to go the basement -- that eventually turned into straight-up ignoring it to go do more work at his desk. Instead of checking up with you, he started going straight to the bathroom to clean himself up before silently grabbing a small snack and retreating to the basement until you were already fast asleep and he was crawling into bed for 2-3 hours of sleep. It got to a point where you barely saw Wonwoo at all.

And as Wonwoo took another drink right after letting out more cigarette smoke, he knew it was all his fault. He got too caught up in his job. He loved you, but he didn’t realize he wasn’t showing it like he should’ve. He made you feel unloved and forgotten and overlooked. It wasn’t a 50/50 situation, it was 100% his fault that you left him.

He put out his cigarette in his ash tray and eyed the bottle before he put his feet up on his desk and took a longer drink this time.

-

“Wonwoo,” he heard your voice in his ear, trying to shake him awake after another late night. But he had the day off today, and you were excited to spend every moment with him that you could. “Wonwoo, wake up!”

A smack to his cheek had his eyes shooting open as he let out a gasp.

“Jesus Christ, Wonwoo,” Mingyu breathed, sitting back as he realized the older man was awake, “I thought you were fucking dead. How much did you drink?”

Considering the slap Mingyu gave him didn’t hurt as bad as the metaphorical slap that his awful reality gave him, clearly not enough.

“None of your business,” Wonwoo slurred as he struggled to keep his eyes open, definitely hung over from drinking until he passed out -- again.

“You need to stop doing this,” the younger boy sighed, giving Wonwoo a stern look, “not even just because Seungcheol’s fed up with it, but because it’s not healthy.”

“What does it matter?” he grumbled, refusing to get up. Instead, his hand searched the floor for his bottle of alcohol.

“Will you stop with that shit? Come on, Wonwoo, _____ leaving doesn’t mean the end of the world!”

“Have you ever been in love?”

When Mingyu was silent, Wonwoo scoffed, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Well it was still your own fault she left you,” Mingyu stated, rolling Wonwoo onto his back with his shoe. “You said it yourself, so you can’t say it’s not true. You neglected her and now you’re throwing yourself a pity party when you did it to yourself.”

“Get out of my house,” Wonwoo groaned, deciding to cover his ears instead of search for the bottle of bourbon. 

“You’ve been pulling this shit every fucking day for a month,” Mingyu spat, ignoring how obviously annoyed Wonwoo was getting. Everyone was annoyed with Wonwoo’s behavior so this was only fair. “Someone always has to waste their time and come here to make sure you didn’t drink yourself dead.”

“Then stop checking!” Wonwoo shouted, finally peeling his eyes open to glare up at Mingyu. “Go the fuck away!”

“Leave me the fuck alone!”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. You stood in front of his desk, your own angry expression dissipating and being replaced with hurt instead. The two of you had been arguing because he’d been so distant, and while you understood that the basement was where he got more work done, you didn’t see the need for him to continue working when he was away ‘working’ all day. But his anger bubbled over and now he’d crossed the line.

“Wait, _____--”

You just shook your head at him, eyes filling with tears as you rushed to go back upstairs. Wonwoo called for you to come back, but you just ignored him, slamming the basement door closed. Wonwoo groaned and sat down in his chair, rubbing over his face with his hands.

That was definitely the biggest push for you to leave.

And now here he was, in the same room his life started falling apart. Why couldn’t he wake up to you like he thought he was? Better yet, why couldn’t he wake up and have everything just start over? He wanted to go back to when things were good and he wanted to keep them that way. But life didn’t work that way. It couldn’t just reset, it just kept going.

But Mingyu had to be a nuisance and interrupt Wonwoo’s dreams where everything was actually going well and he was happy.

Mingyu sighed, taking a seat in Wonwoo’s desk chair. He rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair. Why did Seungcheol have to send him to check up on Wonwoo? Why not Seungkwan or Seokmin? Somebody who had people they loved and could relate to Wonwoo? No offense, but Mingyu didn’t give two shits about Wonwoo’s broken heart.

“Look,” Mingyu said a bit softer, trying to be more level-headed about this, “I get you’re upset and you’ve never had to deal with heartbreak so you don’t know how to cope. But with this kind of...lifestyle, you should really need to come to terms with the fact that nothing will ever really go the way you planned it to.”

“That isn’t good advice,” Wonwoo sighed, not even trying to sit up. His eyes had even closed again, so Mingyu knew the older man didn’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. “Just go.”

Mingyu stood, rolling his eyes and fixing his suit jacket, “Seungcheol’s going to be pissed, y’know.”

“Good for him.”

“Whatever,” Mingyu sighed. “I’ll send Seungkwan tonight to make sure you haven’t slipped into a coma or something.”

Wonwoo only hummed in response, waiting until he heard the Mingyu’s footsteps go up the stairs before closing the basement door. Then he finally pushed himself up off the floor, stumbling the whole time. But it was only to retrieve the bottle of bourbon with only a little left at the bottom. So he took the bottle, wobbled his way up the stairs to the kitchen to get another, and then carried on to the living room, finishing off the first bottle.

“Well, well, well,” you grinned seeing Wonwoo emerge from the basement. He was still in his ‘work’ clothes, but everything was undone to make it a little more comfortable for him since he was at home, “look who decided to show up.”

“What’re you watching?” he mused as he wandered into the living room and glanced at the TV. “Wheel of Fortune?”

You shrugged, “It’s 2am.”

“Eh, it’s not the worst show,” Wonwoo sighed as he let himself drop back onto the couch beside you. He normally would’ve scolded you for staying awake so late, but it was a Friday night so he couldn’t give any excuses as to why you needed to be in bed. Besides, he wanted to hang out with you for a bit before he was way too exhausted. “Did you eat?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, shifting so you were leaning into your boyfriend’s side.

You kept your eyes on the TV, playing along like you had been before. You still continued to say your answers out loud despite Wonwoo sitting right there, but he merely chuckled. He thought it was kind of cute.

You were so immersed in the show that you didn’t even feel his gaze on you for the last five minutes.

“_____.”

“Hmm?”

You turned your head to look at him, seeing him smiling at you with so much fondness.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Wonwoo opened the second bottle as he stared at the TV, his reflection in the black screen reminding him that he was alone -- not just on the couch, but completely, utterly alone.

He put the bottle to his lips.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 45

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: please take note that this is mostly a filler chapter, just like chapter 46 and 47 will be. I have everything planned for 48, 49 and 50 tho. and then the story will be over :( if you want anything added to the filler chapters, please message me. tbh i would love you so so much lol! so yea, im super stressed about ending this story, i cant even explain. ALSO: time will pass quicker in the last few chapters so check the dates!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : the 2 requests added will be posted at the bottom of this post to avoid spoilers!!!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 45 : His chapter

NIALL

August 16th, 2018

I didn't know exactly what woke me up but I just turned around in bed, wrapping my arm around Liv's body and moving a bit closer before trying to fall back asleep. Unfortunately, my phone started vibrating on my bedside table and I groaned when I realized I forgot to put it on mute before falling asleep. I couldn't remember how long how making love session had lasted and I couldn't even remember when I actually fell asleep.

I grimaced and sighed before turning around and reaching out for my phone, searching for it with my eyes closed. My fingers finally gripped it and I decided to sit up, rubbing my eyes as I tried to read the message I had received. I noticed Louis' face next to the message and I frowned. It's not that Louis never texted me but I was still surprised to see that notification, especially so early in the morning.

'Had fun last night? 😏' was all he had sent me along with a link.

I turned to look at Olivia who was still deeply asleep, laying on her stomach, with the covers just over her butt and I finally got out of bed slowly and gently, making sure I wouldn't wake her up. I walked to the kitchen, letting out a yawn as I passed my hand in my messy hair, and decided to make coffee as I clicked on the link.

I frowned when I recognize my living room and I saw myself get up from the couch, suddenly realizing it was my instagram live from the night before. i frowned more, wondering why Louis would send me the link since I couldn't remember saying or doing anything remotely bad but when Olivia's legs appeared in the screen, I realized my mistake. I had probably not stopped the live properly and my heart jumped in my chest, trying to remember what exactly we had said and done right after.

I heard my girlfriend tell me I was a good person and groaned low again when I heard myself ask her if it turned her on. No one could see us kiss since the laptop was placed on the coffee table and we were standing up but even if I was whispering, the words "I'm gonna miss you so much." could easily be heard before she replied that she was going to miss me more.

"Fucking hell..." I whispered as I blinked a few times, staring at the screen where we could clearly see me leading Liv in the hall as she stepped back, our lips attached to each other's as we made out.

She hit the wall and we both laughed as I let out a 'clumsy ass!' the way I always did before an 'I love you' escaped my lips. I felt my heart jump in my chest knowing so many people had actually witnessed something so personal and I swallowed before sighed and passing my hand in my hair again. We disappeared from the screen as the sound of a door being closed could be heard and I realized the video lasted 4 more minutes where nothing could be heard or seen. It had probably been about an hour since I started the livestream which was why it finally cut and I put my phone away and closed my eyes, wondering what exactly would be the repercussion of this video. I didn't want to go on twitter to read what people were saying but I knew that I would at least have to tell Liv about it.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and my lips curled slightly when I heard my girlfriend yelled from the bedroom.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

"Okay, she already knows." I whispered to myself, taking a sip from my hot drink and leaning against the counter.

It took her only a few seconds but I saw her appear in front of me, her hair even messier than mine and wearing only my shirt. I wanted to be stressed by all this but when I saw her, my lips curled in a fond smile.

"Did Louis send it to you too?" was the first thing that got out of her mouth and I just nodded before turning around and grabbing a mug to pour her some coffee too. "That's it? That's all I get? A nod?"

I took the time to add sugar and cream in her coffee and finally turned around again to hand it to her. She stared at me for a few seconds before her eyes fell on the mug and she sighed, taking it from my hands.

"Is there anything else to say?" I just asked, shrugging a shoulder. "I mean it's on the internet probably forever and honestly, we've been lucky, especially thinking about all the times we actually just fucked on the couch I mean, this video could be so much worse."

She looked away and her eyebrows raised before she grimaced. "Yea, I guess that's some way to see it." she let out before taking a sip. "I just... Gosh I don't know, I feel violated."

"I'm sorry. Honestly, I feel like shit too. It's my mistake and it's a very bad one." I admitted, raising my nose up. "I'm sorry, petal."

Her eyes met mine and she took a step closer, tilting her chin up to keep her gaze locked with mine. I stared at her back as she blinked a few times and her thin lips curled into a fond smile.

"You're forgiven."

I let my eyes roamed on her face, knowing it was a big thing to be so easily forgiven for something like that, especially that we were both aware she would get a lot of hate because of it. I bent down slightly and let my lips brush against hers before closing my eyes and bringing my hands up to her cheeks to deepen the kiss. When we stopped, she kept hers lips pressed against mine and sighed low.

"I'm gonna turn off my notifications on twitter for a while."

I raised my nose up in a grimace and groaned. "Me too." I kissed her lips again. "We can just ignore the comments together. I promise we'll be fine."

"I know." she whispered, her lips brushing against mine. "I trust you."

I felt something stir in my heart at her words, knowing I had lost her trust last year and I had worked hard to get it back. Still, despite my efforts, she didn't have to give it back to me again, but she had, and I couldn't explain how much it meant to me.

"Thank you, pet."

                                                       ---

August 17th, 2018

I woke up around 10am, knowing I should have been up before. I had a concert on the same night and even if it was barely a two hours ride, we had to get there early to rehearse and make sure everything was in place. I was surprised to realize my girlfriend was not in bed anymore as I reached my arm on the mattress, my hand only meeting the cold sheets of the bed.

Quickly, I opened my eyes, blinking a few times, and stretched before getting up and dressing up. I walked to the kitchen only to see Liv and her lips curled when she saw me. I frowned, still surprised that she was already up, and took the mug she was handing me. I liked this habit that we had to prepare coffee if we were the first one to wake up. We had never talked about it but we just did it naturally and it was one of the many small things that made this whole relationship stronger.

"You're up early." I just pointed out before taking a sip.

"Will you miss me?" she asked quickly, ignoring my comment and making me frown.

"You know I will, petal, why are you asking?" I chuckled, taking a step closer and raising my eyebrows.

The truth was, I didn't want to leave without her but at the same time, I didn't want to force her to come with me. I knew following me on tour was not as fun as it may sound and I also knew she was busy. Of course, the fact that she was done with the season of her show gave her more free time, but the Olivia I discovered after being away from her for over a year was more independent than the Olivia I broke the heart to. She had also been right the last time we had a discussion about being away from each other. She had said it would bring us even closer and stronger together, and it had. We had spent a lot of time texting, facetiming and talking on the phone and I couldn't hide that I had missed her like crazy, but when we finally got to see each other again, it was intense. Besides, nothing would ever stop me from seeing her if at some point, it became too hard to be apart.

"How bad are you going to miss me?" she asked, once again ignoring my question.

"Pet, if I could, I'd put you in my bags and bring you with me."

This answer seemed to satisfy her as her lips curled more and she licked them before putting her mug away. I took a sip in mine but quickly, she grabbed it too and put it next to hers before taking my hand and pulling me with her.

"Are you bringing me in bed for a good fuck or something?"

This time, she laughed and the sound of it made me smile. She brought me to the hall and my lips parted when I saw her luggage in the lobby, laying near the door. I turned to her after a few seconds and she raised her eyebrows.

"If you don't want me to come with you, I'll definitely understand." she just said, shaking her head. "But I've had enough to be away from you. I miss you too much. What do you say?"

I felt my heart jump in my chest and let out a low chuckle before bending down slightly and wrapping my arms right under her butt to lift her up. She let out a short scream and a laugh, making my smile grow.

"Fuck yes!"

"Niall! Put me down! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

I did as she asked and as soon as she was back on her feet, I pushed her against the wall and looked down at her with a smile. She looked up and licked her lips before nibbling on her bottom one, her eyes never leaving mine and a smile still spread on her face.

"I didn't want to force you into coming with me, but fuck, I wanted to ask you to follow me again." I whispered, bending down slightly to brush my nose against hers. "Thank you for coming with me. It makes me so happy, darling."

"I was not sure if you still wanted me to come. I don't want to be annoying, or dependent. I just want to be with you."

My happy smile turned into a fond one. I didn't want her to ever believe she bothered or annoyed me. I was not the kid I used to be when I broke up with her, I didn't see things the same way, and I had learned.

"I always want to be with you. Your presence is a gift for me, I want you to always remember that, okay?" I murmured, feeling my lips brush against hers as I talked. "Don't ever try to be someone else. I love you best when you're just yourself."

She chuckled. "Did you just quote your own song?"

I sent her a smirk and shrugged, my body still pressed on hers. "It's my words, I can use them whenever I want. Besides, I wrote it for you, so."

"Okay but, can I really show you my heart? You promise you won't break it again?"

I rubbed my nose gently and slowly against hers again, making her eyelids flutter slightly.

"I swear." I breathed. "You're everything I want."

                                                   ---

September 12th, 2018

When I walked back in the hotel room after the show, my lips curled when I noticed Liv coming out of the bathroom, her body wrapped in a fluffy white towel. She looked surprised for half a second and finally sent me a smile while tilting her head. I took a few steps closer and placed my hands on her hips but she quickly took a step back and shook her head.

"Nooo, nop!" she let out, making me raise her eyebrows. "You're all sweaty and shit. Take a shower first!"

"I thought seeing me all sweaty made you horny." I argued, my lips curling into a smirk.

"Watching you all wet turns me on too." she admitted, pressing her lips together. "Go shower and I promise to stay naked, deal?"

This time, I smirked even more and waggling my eyebrows, making her laugh. "Can I get a glimpse?" I asked, pulling gently on the top of the towel and letting my gaze drop in her cleavage.

"No!" she argued, slapping my hand slightly and chuckling. "Hurry!"

I groaned and rushed to the bathroom, getting quickly undressed and starting the shower. I let out a sigh as I tilted my chin, feeling the warm water fall in my face and wet my hair. The past months had been exhausting, mentally and physically, but I could actually say that I was in the exact place I wanted to be. I didn't feel this hole inside my chest anymore. Somehow, it was filled with something that I desperately needed without really realizing it. It was not only the love we had for each other that mattered, it was also the friendship, the history, the trust, the hope and the need we felt toward the other... all of this filled everything that needed to be filled. She was my home, and I was hers. I had never felt like that for anyone else in my life.

I quickly got out of the shower and dried my body and hair before wrapping the towel around my waist. When I walked back in the room, my lips parted slightly and I stopped dead in my track. She was laying in bed, on her stomach, her headphones on as she seemed to read something (a book or a magazine, perhaps?), still completely naked. I stared for a few seconds at the back of her head before my eyes moved down to her ass. I didn't know if she did that just to turn me on but it definitely worked. I took the towel off and let it fall next to me before grabbing my cock in my hand and stroking it gently.

She started humming a song low and I was so focused on her naked form that it took me half a minute to realize it was one of mine. It made the left corner of my lips raise up and I let my free hand run down to my balls as I got harder.

Being able to have sex with her every time I came back to the hotel room was one of the perks of having her on tour, along with many others, of course. I normally prefer to be alone but when it came to Olivia, everything seemed different. I didn't feel stuck in this relationship, or smothered by it. I still wanted us to be private and couldn't wait until people would stop mentioning that video or us after my livestream but at the same time, It didn't bother me the way it would have before. After all, I was dating her, and for the very first time in my life, I wanted it to last forever. Just that thought seemed crazy to me and my heart skipped a beat.

I took a step closer to her and without thinking, I straddled her quickly and stared down as I pushed my cock inside her. She tensed and I felt her walls press around the tip of my cock, making me groan.

"Don't move, baby." I whispered before realizing she probably couldn't hear me.

I kept looking down as I slowly pushed myself more inside her until I was balls deep and moaned low. She felt amazing, as she always did, and my whole body started throbbing. I leaned closer to her, holding myself with my hands near her shoulders, and moved my hips back before thrusting in her again.

"F-Fuck."

The way she whimpered made me smile and with one hand, I took her headphones off and it fell off the bed, making a soft sound as it hit the carpet. I bent down slightly and brushed my lips on her ear.

"I don't think what you're reading is as interesting as what I'm doing to you, is it, petal?"

I watched her eyes flutter closed and her lips part before laying on top of her and slipping one  of my arms around her. My hand reached for her neck and I pressed my fingers on her throat as I tried to hold myself with the elbow of my other arm, making sure I didn't crush her or hurt her.

"Is it?" I asked again, a little louder this time.

"Mm, nothing is better than what you're doing to me." she admitted in a whisper, making me smile more.

"How much do you like my cock inside your pretty little cunt, pet?"

She moved her ass up to feel me deeper and I breathed through my teeth at the amazing sensation, remaining motionless for a few seconds. She started wiggling a bit and my grip tightened around her neck.

"So.. so much." she whimpered again, gripping the sheets of the bed with both hands.

"You're so fucking impatient." I whispered with a chuckle, letting go of her throat and sitting back on her legs. "Didn't think I'd find you laying on the bed naked like that, just waiting for me. You have no idea how hard that made me."

I stared down at my cock moving slowly in and out of her as I moved and enjoyed the moans coming out of her mouth every single time I was completely inside her.

"Fuck, Niall, please."

I looked up and grabbed her hair, pulling on it a bit as she let out a louder whimper.

"Fuck, you're so wet." I whispered, gripping her hair tighter. "I want to cum inside you, petal."

I watched her move a bit, her body twisting as she slipped one of her arms under her body to reach for her clit. She rubbed the tip of her fingers on my balls, making me groan, and finally started touching herself, making her ass grind up. I started fucking her harder and faster, in motion with her ass moving up and it only took a minute or two until she started shaking beneath me. The sight was amazing and I groaned as I came too, pushing her hard despite myself in the mattress.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered before going limp on top of her.

I heard her chuckle and my lips curled too as I brushed them on her shoulder. She shivered and I smiled even more when goosebumps appeared on her now damp skin.

"I love having sex with you." she admitted, making me laugh lightly.

"Oh darling, I love having sex with you, too."

I trailed kisses on her neck and shoulder and after a while, I moved next to her, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. We were on the wrong side of the bed and I felt my heels lean against one of the pillows.

"And I love spending time with you. I love being close to you. I love that you followed me here. I love that you're still my best friend after all this time. I love that we get along so well, that we grew up together, that we're even closer than we used to be." I confessed slowly in a soft tone. "I love that you love me. I love that I love you. I love the team we make. I love you, Olivia."

I turned my head her way and she was staring at her. She seemed on the verge on tears but I knew they were happy tears and I sent her a fond smile before moving on my side to see her better. I brought one of my hands to her cheek and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"The truth is, I can't wait to marry you, to start a family with you, to grow old with you."

Her eyes roamed on my face and she swallowed hard. We both remained silent for a while and she pressed her lips together. It was so endearing that I smiled more and let my fingertips run on her shoulder and down her sides, until her waist.

"You..." she started, stopping herself again for a few seconds before her eyes met mine. "The first time we dated, it was everything that scared you about our couple. That's why you broke up with me, remember?"

I held my head with my hand, my arm on the mattress, and she moved closer, licking her lips and waiting for my answer. Of course I remembered, how could I not?

"I know." I replied, nodding lightly. "I was a fuckin' idiot. I mean, I still am." I shrugged with a chuckle. "But I'm an idiot who will never make that mistake again. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I don't want to be away from you."

"For someone who supposedly suck at expressing his feelings, you're doing quite well." she pointed out with a big smile.

I laughed too and shrugged again. "I've been thinking about what I was going to say for days." I admitted, glancing away before looking back at her. "I almost wrote a song instead."

"You could have," she whispered, reaching for my hand and squeezing my fingers. "I love hearing you sing."

I smiled again and pulled her closer to me to feel her body against mine. I lied down on my back again and she cuddled my side quickly. We stayed quiet for a while and every time she'd tilt her chin up to kiss mine, it would make me smile. It made me realize I had everything I needed, everything I wanted... I had everything I didn't even know I needed, and didn't even know I wanted.

"Do you still want to elope?" I asked randomly after a while.

"It's still a dream of mine, yea." she replied in a gentle tone. "But I know you'd prefer a normal wedding with our families and friends. I'm okay with that."

"I'm sure we can make a compromise."

She moved her head up to look in my eyes and frowned a bit. "This is... hypothetical, right?"

I let my eyes roam again on her face and something stirred inside me. I had no idea it was possible to love someone so bad. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so much you that you'd be ready to change your life plans for them. But here I was, staring at the only woman I ever fell in love with, knowing that I'd do anything for her, and that I would never stop loving her.

"Of course, we're just talking." I lied, my lips curling more. "So we'd elope and get married in Vegas, and then make a big party with our friends and family. And then what?"

"Honeymoon? If we're not too busy..."

"We'll make time." I replied firmly. "Bali or Bora Bora?"

She laughed and turned to lay on her back, my arm still behind her neck, and she finally shook her head. "I don't care where we go, Niall. As long as I'm with you."

the requests

[notyobabygirl]

hi girl. i’m like really heartbroken rn and ik it’ll be hard to give me advice since it’s over the phone, but i really need some because i can’t talk to any of my friends or family rn about this. i’m like way too emotional hahah

me and my bf broke up last night. next month we would’ve been together for a year. but we’ve been in love for longer than that. i honest to god thought he was the one. i have never connected with and loved someone so much. we spend almost every day together and we never get tired of each other. like we have so many amazing memories and i just can’t imagine life without him. i’m bawling crying rn just thinking about it. even my ex that i dated for 2 years, i never had the same feelings for that i have for my current bf (or ex now i guess). he’s so good to me and he does so many things that i don’t think anyone else will ever do for me. but i broke things off with him last night because ever since i met him a year and a half ago, there has been continuous little lies and just minor things that i find disrespectful or just don’t like. he’s never cheated or done anything crazily disrespectful, like for the most part he’s an angel and so amazing and thoughtful. but all of his little lies and minor sneaky things that he’s done have all added up for me. last night i caught him in another little lie and i just lost it. i’ve been reallyyyy emotional the past few days so i think that really played into it, but i just don’t know what to do. basically i caught him lying about something super small and stupid but he knew it would bother me, i confronted him about it and i just told him i was done and left. not because of the 1 lie that night but because it’s all adding up. we’ve been texting throughout today and he’s even texting me right now. we’ve kinda talked about what happened and i explained to him more about why i’m so upset. he’s being really sweet about it but i’m so conflicted. i do not want to lose him, but i’m also so caught up in all of the little, petty lies and arguments we’ve had. i know he’s good to me but at the same time i have really bad trust issues and they’ve only gotten worse recently, and he knows that. i know it’ll be hard to help me since you don’t know me or our relationship, but from what i’ve said so far, what do you think? i know people will always lie about things sometimes and stupid arguments will happen, but we’ve talked about this so many times and i didn’t think i’d have to worry about it again for awhile but then he let me down last night. talking to him rn isn’t making it any easier for me, he asked to see me today but i told him i wanted to be alone. so i might see him tomorrow, well i probably will tbh. i’ve already said everything i need to say to him about it, like explaining to him how drained i am and that i can’t trust him at all anymore because he lies about the stupidest shit. and he’s apologized so many times and told me he knows i deserve better. but at the same time i can see how good he is to me, especially when so many guys nowadays are cheaters and lie about major things. i feel like i’m really lucky but at the same time i can’t stand what he does even though they’re small things. i mean we could stay friends because we’re already each other’s best friends but that’ll be tough. i just don’t know what to do, my mind is so scrambled rn and i’m crying so hard typing this. i’m so sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if it’s insanely long. i’m just so depressed and i hate the thought of not being with him anymore. i really want to work things out with him but i’m scared things won’t change. also, i mentioned that i’ve been really emotional the past few days and idek why... the way i’ve been feeling and acting has made things really weird between us the past few days which makes this even harder for me. i just don’t know i could go on for forever about this but what do you think?? thank you 🤍 i know you can’t exactly decide for me but i just need some girl advice but if i talk to my friend i’ll just cry the entire time and be a mess lol. and i can’t talk to my mom because she doesn’t know we broke up yet and i don’t really talk to her about these things.

Im glad your letting it all out right now. I swear venting when your going through a break up like this is the best thing to do. Your right little white lies add up and when it happens again and again you think to yourself, well what else has he lied about? I feel like when most people do lies its because of no reason. I have a friend who always just tells stupid lies for literally no reason. I think you should ask yourself, if he is doing it for no reason or if he doing it because he knows the truth is wrong. If he is doing bad things then I would say breaking up is the right thing to do. But if most of these lies are just pointless and fucking stupid to lie about then I think if I were you, I would break up with him and make him earn you back. Make him scared he will lose you and make him realize that lying is not okay and there are consequences. Please let me know what ends up happening and what happens when you guys talk. Love you so so much <33

[neverlearnedtoread]

King of Scars

⭐⭐⭐; me at any given moment in the second half of the book: leigh.......*sobbing* please........where are we

Oh?? 👌😉😏

incredible set-up! the first half was SO exciting and fun. every set-up was brimming with piping hot takes. court intrigue, power couple vibes, sneaking around / keeping up appearances interspersed with real feelings - bardugo set out a real feast of a story, that’s for sure

non-powered protagonist / POV in a magical setting. it’s one of my favourite tropes (i can pinpoint the origin of this preference back to one specific book in my childhood favourites)

badass women! need i say more

political intrigue (especially with the backdrop of a magical setting!)

No.. ❌🤢🤮

the author lost the thread SO HARD in the second....it really fell so flat after such a fantastic premise. im so disappointed 😭 i wanted so much and i got barely a crumb....please leigh, just another mouthful of that political intrigue....im begging ya......

im not that mad about the [spoilers] at the end of the story, but i am utterly befuddled by how it happened - and that’s not even taking into account how confused i am about the future direction of the story. bardugo, where? are? you? going?? it’s getting to the point i don’t fully trust she knows where she’ll end up either, and that’s dangerous

Nina’s story should have been a novella that came out before KoS. It would have been much more cohesive, and I could concentrate on Nina’s arc more on its own, and probably would’ve hyped up KoS that much more because of how these two stories are supposed to happen concurrently. Honestly, as interesting as Nina’s story was, I don’t have that much to say about it. It was good. I wish it was its own story. That’s about it.

Summary: Three years after the Ravkan Civil War, King Nikolai finds himself wrestling with an interesting problem. While his shrewd political machinations and barefaced charisma have kept Ravka from devolving into yet another conflict with one of its many enemies, he’s been losing ground in a battle with his own body as some uncontrollable curse repeatedly takes over his consciousness, causing him to wreck havoc across the nearby countryside night after night. After he nearly kills a child on one of his fun little jaunts as a giant bird-creature, he decides to take matters into his own hands and travel to a place of cleansing, which he hopes will be strong enough to purge the darkness. Things can only go downhill from there. (Oh yeah! And Nina is doing cool, sexy, creepy, important stuff somewhere else. That’s a thing too.)

Concept: 💭💭💭

I did not expect to pick up this book. I got into Six of Crows quite late, and I didn’t love the duology (it was good! i love inej. and everyone else is there too ig), so when I read the reviews (tbh I just listened to the KoS liveshow by the Papercut trio, but same thing) and they weren’t...that positive? i chalked it up to a cute cover i could admire from a distance whenever i visited a bookstore and moved on. But! Life moves in mysterious ways...and by mysterious I mean my friend listened to the audiobook and got me into it as well so we could share thoughts

Spoilers under the cut~

Execution: 💥💥💥💥 (first half) / 💥💥 (second half)

...And share thoughts we did! The first half of the book was *chef’s kiss* set-up so beautifully. I’ve never read the Grisha Trilogy, but I can feel that bardugo prefers to play fast and loose with her worldbuilding rules anyway, so there wasn’t much I couldn’t pick up using context clues. The characterization for two POVs I’d never read before, let alone even knew the backstory of beyond the vaguest inclination, was masterful! I immediately liked Nikolai and Zoya. Then we got to the second part, and I have never seen anything go downhill quite so effortlessly. More spectacularly? Yes. More quickly? Absolutely! Somehow, this was more like a slow slide into mediocrity, which was....worse. We just kept getting further and further away from the original intrigue, and setting up yet more moving pieces and unanswered questions, and, and - ! The book ended. I am so afraid that this has become a bigger beast than Bardugo can control, and that’s why she’s announcing a Six of Crows continuation - to pull it all together without admitting she may have lost the thread of this narrative.

Favourite Moment: while I loved where nina ended up at the end of the story (and i WISH we had had her story in a separate novella so i could fully appreciate the BDE), I think my favourite scene is when nikolai says to zoya ‘so what about that amplifier of yours that you were highly emotionally attached to’ and zoya not only tells him, but takes off her shirt to show him the scars without being directly asked. like damn! all he had to do was ask an unrelated question! shit! half the population of ravka would die to be as lucky as their king

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤❤ (first half) / ❤❤ (second half)

I love it when a story hinges on two characters playing off of the other. There’s the banter, of course, but the real meat of this premise is always the character reveals and parallels you’re privy to, when you match two characters the audience has yet to learn more about against each other. It’s like...shadows and light! The interplay of similarities and differences! The intrigue of these characters reacting to any character reveals alongside the audience themselves in real-time! ‘Two sides of the same coin’-type narratives are always super fun, with or without shipping. And I think that’s the crux of the reason the second half of the book fell apart - despite being two out of three of the only humans stuck in that Other Place, and literally unable to go anywhere, Nikolai and Zoya simply....stopped talking to each other. And trusted two otherworldly god-like figures. Without question. 👀👀 HUH? HUH?? They’ve both been established to trust very few people - it took them three years to build themselves up to trusting each other, and they worked side-by-side to govern an entire country. But when it came down to the wire, you’re telling me they picked some random mythical dudes they had never believed existed? Make it make sense, Bardugo. They’re not even teenagers in-canon anymore, there’s no excuse for that kind of lapse in character consistency.

Favourite Character: i’m going to cheat and say that nikolai and zoya tie - their personalities were so compelling. if only they could have combined their two braincells to give me the fully realised character arc this book truly deserved :(( they could have had intertwined narrative parallels! the foil potential! cmon bardugo, am i gonna have to rewrite this book in my mind myself, or what?

[bridgecityswift13]

hi. so i’ve talked about this a few times on here but i usually end up deleting it but today i’m not. 2 years ago today (december 8th 2018) i was diagnosed with a massive brain tumor in my cerebellum. (also got my tickets to reputation but that’s not the point) this was the day my entire life changed. i started having pretty bad headaches in march of 2017 and i’m not one to complain so i didn’t really say anything. they got worse and worse to the point where i started throwing up and passing out at school so obviously my mom made me go to the doctors. i got a neuro exam (and passed) so it just sounded like migraines so he set up a CT scan just to be sure. my scan was a week later (friday the eighth) and the monday if that week i passed out in the school bathroom and went to the ER and they told me i had UTI and there was no reason of a CT scan. but obviously we still wanted one so we didn’t cancel it. i was fine the rest of the week. friday came and they told us they found a tumor in my cerebellum and that’s all the info they had. we got rushed to boston children’s and got another neuro test and a 3 1/2 hr MRI on my brain and spine (then my braces were on and they couldn’t read the scan so they took them off and i had to do it again lmao) not only did i have a tumor the size of a grape fruit but i also had encephalitis (inflation of the brain) which is almost more dangerous then the tumor. i was in the hospital for 11 days total. i had my surgery monday dec 11th but honestly i don’t remember much from that day. it was 14 hours long and it went really well!! they took out 80% of my tumor! recovery was hard. i had to relearn how to walk and i couldn’t move my neck because they cut through all my neck muscles. i was home in time for christmas and i went back to school on january 9th 2018!! i had my follow up app on january 11th and my tumors benign which i’m incredibly thankful for! it could have been so so bad and this was the best outcome we could have gotten! i have a genetic mutation called the braf v600e. the only treatment i had at the time was MRIs every 3 months. i’ve probably had my tumor since i was very young, it was very slow growing. about a year later we saw a little regrowth in my tumor so i started a very low dose of a chemotherapy thst usually used to treat melanoma but recently is being used to stop growth and hopefully shirk my tumor. (it won’t make me really sick and loose my hair because it’s such a small amount and also it’s a pill) i started thst last school year but then they warned us that it may cause me to be able to not have kids. so we stopped immediately and started the egg retrieval process. when thst was over i started my chemo again in like september of 2019. i’m gonna be honest, it’s been tough. they warned me about the side affects but i didn’t think anything of it until they were actually happening. i get sunburnt SUPER badly, my hair was thinning (it’s pretty much almost stopped now) i hsve a rash, my eyebrows are basically gone (they’re thinning too but i’m using a serum to help them grow) acne, fatigue, nausea, joint pain. and it’s really took a toll on my mental health, but the important part is i’m heathy. my tumor is stable and i’m heathy. this really sucked and tbh it still really sucks and it might suck for a while but i’m heathy and have an amazing support system and i’m so fortunate to have access to such great heath care. my heart goes out to anyone who’s gone though, going through, or will grow through anything like this or any other kind of heath scare at some point. i’m so so greatful for everyone who has been in my life the past 2 years. all of my doctors, my friends who are always there for me and most importantly my amazing family! also huge shoutout to my love taylor alison swift for being a constant in my happiness since 2008 but especially the past 2 years! i love u so much and i’m always gonna support and love u so so much nmw💓 im so incredibly lucky to be where i am today. it could be so much worse and i’m thankful everyday that it isn’t. i love all of u

this was 2 years ago today!

this was the day before my surgery (hi sabrina carpenter)

these were the week after my surgery. i had double vision so i had to wear an eyepatch for a few weeks

there’s me at christmas 2017 with my cousins looking rough but good for 2 1/2 weeks post op

but here’s me 2 years later!

if anyone is going through anything like this idc if we’re friends or not i’m here for all of u! 💓

also kinda just exposed myself with all the pics from 2017/18

thank u if u read all of this!

[milkie-yoongi]

21 Questions Tag

yay i love these! especially because i cant go anywhere right now so imma try to find more! thank you @honeyvoicehwang for the tag :)

Name: starts w an S. read the about me section on my blog 

Gender: female

Star Sign: pisces !!!! 

Current Time: 1:15 PM

Favorite Artist(s): bts, bap, taeyang, song ji eun, eaeon, any OST artist tbh and theres lots more but im only listing the korean music ones

Favorite Song: sweet night - taehyung its just refreshing and sentimental i dont know how to describer  

Song Stuck in Your Head: this one annoying song song by this lady i dont know that i keep hearing everyone dance to on tik tok because my friend keeps showing me can she stop tanks 

Last Movie You Saw: in theatres? the star wars one, i love D-O i shouldve asked for that remote control robot for birthday i love dumb silly robot

Last Thing You Googled: “reddit” lol im looking for answers for lots of stuff rn

Other Blogs: nothing on here, one blog is enough to keep up with ehe

Main Blog: @milkie-yoongi

Do You Get Asks: i used to, now its rare but people be busy and im not consistently active so i get it, i love asks though please send some in esp at this time in life

Reason For Your URL: lol i don’t even know if there was a real reason behind it, i originally wanted to make a yoongi instagram fanacc but i liked tumblr more so i thought, why not make one there and just see how it does? it was only supposed to be for my personal entertainment and i didnt expect to meet so many wonderful people on here or for it to blow up as quickly as it did when i posted constantly. i didnt expect to be this invested in it either, but here i am today c: . i think i chose “milkie” as the first part of the name because i wanted a pastel/soft theme that was whitish/blueish and yoongi is baby to me and i associate that with that with “milk” and to make it flow better i just added “ie” then of course it was meant to be a yoongi blog so i added yoongi at the end because his name just as it is is beautiful. 

Following: 193

Average Amount of Sleep: when im stressed or have to wake up early its around 5-6.5 hours (kinda like yoon yeh), and if i dont have to wake up early and am not stressed i sleep around 7-10 hours. i feel dead everyday though, how do people have energy? 

Lucky Number: 13! idk, i dont believe in luck but 13 is a cool number and i always liked it! 

Currently Wearing: why do you wanna know? some of these asks make me feel like im being interrogated by the fbi hahaaa but im staying at home today soo a black long sleeve with white small dolphin sillhouetes on the side and sleeves and black leggings. fun right? 

Dream Job: at first i never had one, but now i realized i really want to work from home with my laptop. i dont mind what it is as long as i have fun doing it and that it lines up with my values, and i do have a few ideas regarding this, im not gonna put them out here so no one STEALS. because why work for someone else on someone else’s time when you can thrive the best doing what you like and taking advantage of the technology given? i know its gonna be a long road with lots of trial and error but thats what i really want so i can spend more time on what matters in life later on, like taking care of myself and being with family/friends! aside from online jobs though id love to be a piano teacher/piano accompanist because thats the only thing job wise that gives me joy right now. 

Dream Trips: anywhere with good food :D right now definitely korea, japan, new zealand, the more nature-y islands in hawaii, anywhere in europe, probably more places but i cant think of any right now. also ive only been on an airplane once in my life! 

Favourite Foods: anything with white rice it just makes eating so much easier and enjoyable. meats. seafood like the ones at the restaurants where they give you the bibs which i do not wear and they dump the lobster shrimp and crab and corn all over the table and you can just eat it however you want. 

Play Any Instruments: pianopianoapinaoooapinaooapianoo! i used to play violin too in middle and HS but it made my head and jaw hurt and it was gross to me at the time i could not play in tune and i ate in orchestra class all the time instead of paying attention maybe thats why i got worse as i got older, but thats okay because with pianos you dont need to worry about playing in tune but im tempted to pick the violin up again and maybe even try viola...because violas are better i dont care what violin nerds have to say :P

Tagging:

@smolshooky @jincendio @yosunyoongi @heyitsminyoongi @yoongisugameow @xbabyboysx @cpt-falcon @roseghostly @kpoplittleheadcannon @shin-kun1995 @weezbelyse @blackzwaan-yoongi @minsugas-ass @sunshines-babie @agustkeys

if you see this but arent tagged, feel free to do it anyway! 

[plaidshirtjimkirk]

i wish i had an awesome list of things i wrote in 2019, but there’s none to speak of. i probably hit 30k max or so. but i wanna talk about writing anyway. this is longgggg, sorry.

i have been and ever shall be a ridiculously passionate person. when i love something, i really really *really* love it. it takes over everything. it’s all i think about. i’ve always been this way. i had all of one friend when i was a child and i met her in preschool. we met up recently and she started naming all these series and characters i was obsessed with since i was 4. LOL the thing is, like... no one else liked these things, so she had to deal with me infodumping and reading my crappy fanfiction to her from elementary to middle school. (the fact that she still talks to me amazes me.)

my relationship with writing is complicated and im finally understanding why.

i started out with self insert stories when i was super young because there weren’t any other kids around besides my one awesome friend. i never felt lonely though because i had my stories.

i loved fictional characters. i self shipped. this led me to roleplaying. i found someone who was writing as a character i adored. we wrote together and then started dating. that was my first SO. not knowing any better, i remained in an abusive relationship for 7 years. my stories were my comfort and i can honestly say that writing saved my life. there’s a good ending to this situation. one day, i experienced a breath of fresh air and finally took the trash out.

i dabbled in drawing comics for a bit as i worked hard at my job. i met someone worth my love and effort. we loved each other so much that we maintained a relationship while living on opposite ends of the planet. as you can imagine, that was pretty lonely. writing helped me through it. i met some amazing people to write with during this time, including my bff @suitablyaggrieved.

the fandom we were in then was filled with toxic people however. my having an oc didn’t help things so i had to deal with harassment, even when i was minding my own damn business. got tired of that, took down my writing, and barely wrote a thing for about 3 years.

when i fell hard into trek, i decided i wanted to give fandom one more shot. i wanted to be in a community that loved the same things i did and figured it was worth the effort of trying. tbh i feel very lucky that my return to fandom was trek because yall are seriously some of the nicest people ever.

when i started this blog, i was just some rude dipshit who didn’t really think about the weight of my words. i said mean things but i didn’t care. it was whatever because it was my blog and i had 30 followers. the follower count grew though at some point, i thought about why i tested the waters of coming back to fandom and how grateful i was to splash land back in one like trek. i realized i wasn’t being the kind of person i wanted to be. i’m still a dipshit, just less rude now.

but the thing is that trek got me into writing again. and when i started, i felt like there were no limits. i wrote and wrote and wrote. i was telling stories about some things i’d been through and using characters as proxies. it was an interesting experience. i never wanted to stop...made me feel like i was doing something constructive when drama was going on in my work life.

everything was ok though because i had my words.............and then chronic illness caught up with me.

writing made me happy because i saw myself putting out lots of stories. but when it came to the point where i couldn’t write as much as i used to because i was in too much pain to even get out of bed, it started making me feel really depressed.

the truth is that i don’t have confidence in my work. i never did. i probably never will. it sucks when you spend all this time working on something, just to end up hating it. and with being the passionate person i am, the lower word count had me feeling like a complete failure. all or nothing. consistency or nothing. i know this is unhealthy. i also would never think anyone else was a failure for not writing as much. it was just...i had all these personal goals i wasn’t meeting.

at some point, i started feeling as though i couldn’t write ks anymore. there were a couple reasons for that but the main one was losing consistency. i didn’t feel like my work was ever anything special, but at least i was feeling productive. when that went out the window, i kinda looked back at all these words i put out and didn’t feel good about them.

i started writing for small pairings where the fandom was literally all of 2 people. i thought that maybe i could just post stories for a tiny audience, or even just for my own sake, and maybe being so worried about quality wouldn’t be such a big deal. i was kidding myself though. ofc it was. and it just made me feel worse about my writing. i didn’t know how to make it fun. instead of being pumped to start something new, all i could think about was how i’d suffer to put whatever story i was thinking of together and just end up hating. it felt like so much wasted effort.

i met some awesome new friends who encouraged me to make an oc again. it took such a long time but i did and i spent a few months privately posting fics about all of our ocs interacting. writing was slowly becoming fun again.

and that brings me to where i am today. i realize it’s been a crutch for me throughout life. i could throw myself into it, throw myself into stories that others wrote. with less energy to go around because of being in pain frequently, the amount i could do reduced drastically. i’m still trying to figure out how to cope with that, and how to not put so much pressure on myself to where i get stuck in an endless loop of self hating.

still, writing saved me. even though things got really complicated, im glad i had the experience of doing it and even though it sometimes stresses me the hell out, i want to keep at it...figure out how the same thing that helped me so many times before can do so again.

i’m not sure i can ever figure the confidence/self love thing out, but i think i can try to make words my friends again. people outside of fandom don’t get it and i guess i can’t blame them if they don’t have the experience. they think ff is some frivolous activity that has no merit, no quality, no bearing on anything. but it does on franchise, community, and individual levels.

anyway, sending good vibes to every content creator out there. let’s hang in there through the great times and bad. <3