#i think im having a manic episode too

[love-marimo]

I Can't Remember Love (Zhongli x Reader)

Lolita's Note: This is a fic I impulsively wrote inspired by this song! It's one of my favorites. I've been feeling under the weather lately so this is very self-indulgent.

Reminiscence. It is one of the many bittersweet things that Zhongli goes through in his life countless times. There are instances where he wishes he has the memory of a normal human being.

Fickle, fleeting, yet like the essence of the cycle of seasons, the memory of a human being eventually forgets to make room for the new.

Sometimes it forgets the most monotonous thing; sometimes it forgets the most painful encounter. Though, sometimes it also remembers, but unlike him, the memories inside a mortal's mind become a mosaic of fragments unique to their own journey in their lives.

But to him, he remembers it all. Whereas, instead of a fragmented mosaic, they are all clear paintings that move through every fiber of his being.

Memories of the archon war, of the many eras he had lived through, of the many battles he fought, and of the people whom lives he had witnessed blossom and wither - it all melts inside of him, an unpleasant mixture of despair, bloodshed, triumph, and change.

But, out of all the things he remembers, he chooses to reminisce about you.

His beloved.

His treasure.

The first time he saw you was during one of your travels, lost in the mountains where the adepti resided, and he remembers the questioning look in your eyes when you found him sitting alone by the stone table at Mt. Aozang, and he always smiles at himself when he remembers the cautious way you asked him for directions to get back to the harbor.

Back then, he thought he will never see you again, part of him wanted you to take a seat beside him and rest for a while, but he sensed your urgency to return back to where you came from.

So when he saw you again, he remembers how surprised you were when he visited the restaurant you temporarily worked for.

He remembers how hardworking and clever you were. You always loved what you were doing, and he admired your unbreakable resolve to keep moving forward despite the many obstacles you faced in life.

He remembers the day he realized he became too watchful of you, and he remembers the day he found himself accompanying you too often in your journeys.

When you asked him why, he remembers how he told you that he just grew fond being around you.

He remembers how you used to buy yourself beautiful clothes after a commission with a hefty pay.

He remembers how you always dreamed to be part of an opera troupe, and when he tells you he can refer you to one of his acquaintances, you politely refuse him. He remembers you telling him that you've grown 'too old' for it, and that you didn't 'have enough time and resources'; but you always tell him that it can happen in the next life.

For every dream you didn't achieve, he remembers how you always tell him that, often with that sweet smile in your face.

And he almost laughs bitterly at that.

When he thinks about you, he also remembers the archon war.

He remembers searching for you far and wide. For each step that he took, he looked for any sign of you. Anything, even the faintest tune of your voice. He remembers desperation.

To see you,

To feel you,

Alive.

He remembers how the flames engulfed the traces of your life. He remembers the embers of what was once your home.

He remembers the sight of burnt silk and shattered pieces of jade ー one of your favorite possessions.

He remembers how he lost himself at the sight of losing you. And it was painful.

He remembers that it was the moment where he grew tired of losing people that mattered to him.

At the time, he knew nothing but wrath and despair. Zhongli grew coldhearted, his heart hard as stone. But, he found that the passage of time does heal you little by little.

Yet, out of all the things he remembers about you, Zhongli seemed to forget one thing.

Love.

He thinks it's better that way, to forget about how much he loved you. In a sense, it makes remembering you less painful.

With each passing of the seasons, his heart ached less, and his scars healed better. A few hundred years have passed, and Zhongli became a man of many duties.

Presently, the man puts up a facade of a polite and dedicated bachelor, dutifully fulfilling his responsibilities as the esteemed consultant of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

He seemed to take it as his favorite pastime, drinking tea or having wine and reminiscing about you, especially when he is alone.

Whenever he stops by the Heyu Teahouse, he pictures you as one of the guest performers alongside the Yun-Han opera troupe.

Oh, how you'd look beautiful in their delicate costumes. Zhongli always wishes to a fallen star that maybe someday, you'll return to him living the life you once dreamed of.

But he knows it won't be coming true. So he holds on to every bit of memory he has of you.

Zhongli wants to remember how he loved you.

He wants to remember how he kissed and touched you.

Out of all the things he can forget, why would it be the one? He asks himself.

They say it is bad to open up old wounds, but he does so whenever he thinks about you.

He hates to admit that he wants you back.

Zhongli wants to see and feel your existence again, and maybe he is desperate about it, but he doesn't want to live his life like this anymore.

He doesn't want to pretend. To put up a facade. He has become so restless and empty for the last 500 years. He can't help it.

It's not the same without you.

"I remember springtime, I remember when it rained"

A familiar voice rings through his ears and he looks up to see who the next performer is.

"I remember night time"

His eyes widened at the sight. He saw the one person he had longed for so long.

"The happiness and pain"

There you were, standing on the stage as you sang a mellow song from a foreign region. The guests were intently listening to your melodic voice, as you sang a song of melancholy and love.

"I remember you"

Zhongli found himself walking towards you, cautiously, as if he was reliving the moment of your first encounter. Your eyes were closed, and you had the familiar smile on your face. He remembers it clearly, the expression you have when you were enjoying yourself.

"But I can't remember love"

He found it ironic. You were so beautiful. You felt so complete, like you weren't chasing ends to meet anymore. So, he knows this is different. This is not you from many years ago. Still, you looked the same as ever ー as if you haven't aged at all.

"Was it only yesterday, or many moons ago?"

Zhongli realized you were looking into his eyes, still smiling ー as if you were asking him the lyric you were singing, reminiscing about the archaic past together. He felt his heart beat again, and he wanted nothing but to hold you tight in his arms.

"When I turned and walked away, where, oh, where did it go?"

The lanterns of the teahouse illuminated your face, and you both stood there. Zhongli patiently waited for you to finish the song. He doesn't know how to approach you, or how you'll react when he calls you by your name.

"I remember you. Yet, I want to remember love, and I do…"

You sang the last lines of the song and people clapped as you ended your performance. It turns out you were a local singer who performs in taverns and teahouses all across Teyvat. Zhongli felt nostalgic at that fact. You are still a traveler at heart.

He felt a pang at his chest when you started to walk away. He figured you still had places to go.

No.

He cannot let this happen.

He cannot lose you again.

He called your name as he started to chase after you.

You were about to get inside your carriage when you heard his voice.

"Are you referring to me, sir?" You asked innocently.

"Yes." He replied, catching his breath.

There was silence for a while. While you were studying his appearance, he felt a mixture of feelings as he took in your beauty.

"It… it really is you." He smiled. He doesn't want to scare you, but he remembers now. He remembers how his heart beats fast whenever he's around you. He remembers how it takes all of his composure to remain calm and collected whenever he is near you.

He remembers it all.

And for once, he wishes he won't forget anymore. He'd rather have the curse of remembering everything as long as there's you in it.

He remembers now.

He remembers how much he loves you, even if you don't remember him anymore.

He'll watch over you, just like he did in the past. He'll protect you. And if the time comes when you need him by your side, he'll stay with you ー for as long as you need.

To Zhongli, your existence is enough to make him love you, even if it's just from afar.

So, he thanks every fallen star he has wished to; because he can truly feel alive, now that you're here again.

ー Lolita

[coyoteuugly]

i am so sick of feeling this immense guilt and having no hope for the future i am making a conscious effort to get better and create a life worth living for myself

[joyouspursuits]

I've always been afraid to even consider that I have a bipolar disorder partially bc I have seen how much it has ruined other people's lives and partially bc of my PTSD. But I genuinely think I am having a manic episode right now. I feel it so strongly, worse than in a while, and it's causing me to really panic too.

[deceased-lungs]

The drunk texts I get from my ex

[claypgeon]

he got the girl | george russell

pairing: george russell x wolff!reader

summary: that awkward moment when you get caught going on a date with one of your dads drivers.

notes: i have my chemistry final tomorrow, wish me luck!

liked by georgerussell63, alex_albon, maxverstappen1, and 973,826 others!

f1gossip: y/n wolff was seen last night on a date? with george russell, (yes the mercedes driver) last night in monaco? this was actually very surprising for us as well, thoughts?

view comments below!

user1: no shit

user2: no way george pulled y/n

user3: GEORGE IN THE LIKES ??????

user4: NOT ONLY HIM BUT MAX CHARLES ALEX TOOOO ??

user5: sorry guys 😅😅 but that’s actually me and y/n, not her and that skinny twig 😅😅

user6: maybe they were just hanging out??

user7: NO WAY GEORGE PULLED HER

user8: this is actually crazy

user9: okay guys..but the pictures are actually so cute 🙂‍↕️

user10: RIGJT?? THE WAY HES HOLDING HER JACKET AND PURSE TOO 🥰🥰

alex_albon: holy shit @/georgeussell63 no way you actually got her

georgerussell63: well don’t act so surprised 🙄

maxverstappen1: we will act so surprised. she’s rejected you 10 times.

georgerussell63: she has NOT!

maxverstappen1: sorry, 20 times**

user10: WHAT ARE THESE DRIVERS DOING ON A GOSSIP PAGE ??

charles_leclerc: holy cow 😳

mercedesamgf1: omg no

mercedesamgf1: What the fuck is this. - Toto Wolff

user11: NO GEROGE RUN

user12: SOMEONE CHECK IF GEORGE IS STILL ALIVE

user13: TOTO NOOO

user14: WHY IS EVERYONE HERE ????

liked by georgerussell63, mercedesamgf1, yourusername and 43,837 others!

tagged: yourusername, and georgerussell63

f1: it’s been a while, but y/n is back!

view comments below!

user15: her and lewis 😞😞

user16: THATS MOTHERRRR

user17: she looks so good 🙄

user18: GEORGE BEING TAGGED ???

mercedesamgf1: please un-tag George William Russell. - Toto Wolff

user19: someone PLEASE get this old geezer his own instagram account

user20: the way he adds - Toto Wolff, like we don’t already know ???

user21: oh what i would do to be a fly in the mercedes garage right now

user22: the use of george’s FULL name ??? that boy better run

georgerussell63: 😍😍

leiwshamilton: do you want our boss to kill you?

landonorris: it’s like he WANTS to die

user23: WHY IS HE BEING SO PUBLIC ABOUT TUIS ???

user24: after years of being rejected by y/n he wants everyone to know he finally got her 😭

user25: george finally gets y/n and he loses all fear

f1gossip; y/n was asked about the dating rumors today she was asked “are you and george dating”, she answered, “i think he’s made it very clear, hasn’t he?”

view comments below!

user26: GEORGE FINALLY GOT THE GIRL!!

user27: i low key thought george was having like a manic episode and was pretending to date y/n but this basically confirmed it, happy for them!

user28: LMAO WHATT

user29: okay now toto’s reaction pls

user30: wait but if she’s toto’s daughter? why is her hair like blonde blonde

user31: she dyes her hair religiously

user32: okay but george being like so proud of this relationship is so incredibly cute 😞

user33: netflix is going to eat this up

liked by, yourusername, lewishamilton, georgerussell63, and 926,826 others!

mercedesamgf1: our family 🙏🙏

view comments below!

user34: GEORGE LOOKS SO SCARED 😭😭😭

user35: NO IM DYING THIS IS TOO FUNNY

user36: GEORGE LOOKS LIKE HES BEING HELD AT GUNPOINT

user38: this is hilarious

yourusername: p5 and p7 👏👏

georgerussell63: wanted to make you proud 🥰

user39: OH BROTHER HERE HE GOES

user40: toto will appear in an estimated 3 seconds

mercedesamgf1: 😐 - Toto Wolff.

f1gossip: george russell and toto wolff were seen speaking after the race in monaco, sources say that after a intense chat, they hugged it out, thoughts?

view comments below!

user41: AND HE APPROVES!!!

user42: YAY

user43: ITS OFFICIAL, TOTO APPROVES

user44: okay now i can actually be happy about this relationship

user45: i kinda feel bad that his own daughter didn’t tell him that she was dating someone…

user46: they bro hugged 🥹

user47: so happy for y/n and george ❤️

liked by f1, lewishamilton, danielricciardo, mercedesamgf1, and 637,927 others!

georgerussell63: after 4 years, i finally got the girl 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

view comments below!

f1: GEORGE RUSSELL FINALLY DOES IT EVERYONE!!

landonorris: YEAH RUSSELL 🗣️

oscarpiastri: finally 👏👏

danielriccarido: HELL YEAH

maxverstappen1: i still don’t believe it…

lewishamilton: proud of you man 🫂

charles_leclerc: YAY!!!

carlossainz55: he finally made it🥹🥹

mclaren: she could do better

user48: ADMIN??

yukitsunoda: really?

alex_albon: still not convinced this is real 😅

user49: this whole comment section is killing me 😭

liked by, georgerussell63, mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton, and 736,260 others!

yourusername: when he’s dad approved 😍

view comments below!

mercedesamgf1: eh - Toto Wolff.

yourusername: father pls get instagram

georgerussell63: my beautiful gorgeous exquisite breathtakingly beautiful girl 😍😍🥰🥰

user50: need me a man like THIS.

lewishamilton; simp 🫵

yourusername: ??? who taught you that

lewishamilton; the internet

user51: now get married and have 3 kids !!!

georgerussell63: soon!

mercedesamgf1: NO NOT SOON. - Toto Wolff

f1: beautiful couple 😻

user52: THIS IS ADORABLE

user53: i need me a man who loves me as much as he loves y/n

user54: he waited 4 years for her 🥹🥹

user55: the train tracks looks really delicious right about now

user56: me and who???

user57: why is george kinda sexy…

yourusername: how are you just realizing this now?

user57: IT TOOK YOU FOUR YEARS TO NOTICE????

yourusername; no comment.

[fraudulent-cheese]

Actually no, i want to expand on my relative dislike of WT. Because when people talk about this season's faults, i BARELY see people mentionning the complete flatterning of like half it's cast!

Oh sure, people are super willing to throw shit at TDA and especially TDAS for it's flanderisation of characters, but outside of some rogue posts by mutuals, i don't see ANY OF YOU pointing the finger at World Tour when i'd argue it's especially eggregious.

Owen's the easiest example of this, and while it didn't start this season it got so much during it. Nearly all of his lines revolve around food, his aerophobia, or Izzy for a single episode. His relationship with Alejandro is also super indicative of this; im willing to accept the HC that he was aware of Alejandro's dislike of him and just wanted to win him over, but that's absolutely not what the writters intended, no way in hell. He's just completely oblivious to his shitty behavior when he seemed at least somewhat aware of Heather's shifty behavior back on Island, or at least able to stand up for himself (shoutouts to that one Action episode). It's not fun to watch, either.

Bridgette too had her personality reduced to one or two traits, for either comedy reasons (because apparently people making out 24/7 is funny) or story reasons (establishing Alejandro as a threat who uses flirting and his general attractiveness to advance his strategy) and it suckssssss because she was! an actual character! and World Tour especially benefits from having a 'straight man' type character that can look at the other's weirdness and react to it like a normal-ish person! That and she could be an interesting presence to have on Team Victory, with her friendships with Leshawna and Courtney for instance.

DJ too is a BIG victim of the flanderisation thing; his personality is dumbed down to just being a huge scaredy cat, and his character is just The Curse. That's all he does and that's all he is, all he talks about. And that sucks because he too, was an actual person in Island and even Action! Sure, he was sometimes a pushover and had an accident-prone bunny, but he was also kind and could actually go out of his way to play pranks on people! But all of that is just gone in WT.

There's also the characters that weren't flanderised, and more just. Written entirely out of character. Outside of the entire Love Triangle (which i will get to) the biggest example of this is Leshawna to me. The writters straight forget the episode in Action where she's entirely dsitrustful of the Pizza they were offered (which did turn out to be tampered with) due to Chef being uncharasterically nice to them. Guess what Alejandro was doing. Being overly nice to her out of nowhere. Frankly she fell victim to the same thing Bridgette did; needing to be sacked for Alejandro's villany to be better established.

Ok fuck i need to mention the Love Triangle too because while people complain about it alot i don't think they complain about the correct stuff. i'll go rapid fire because it's been talked to death however; Gwen's liking of Duncan is a retcon, her acting like this is out of character for her frankly, Duncan's out of character by trying to emotionally manipulate his ex and the lore established to justify it makes it worse (remember the "At least im straight with people" line?), Courtney is villanised from even before this point which while her anger might've been targetted at the wrong person she was justified in being upset imo, Courtney's entire character is thrown out of a window in general this season, blah blah blah.

I'll end on the whole "the writters forgetting entire character traits/arcs" Cody still hitting on Gwen this season makes no goddamn sense and is super uncomfortable to watch. He's really such a nothing character man. Sierra deserved better than being a manic pixie stalker girl.

[tryingtofindava]

pls im begging for dating ticci toby headcanons 🙏🙏

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ‘𝐓𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢’ 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬*ೃ༄

tw: mention of manic episode.

: ̗̀➛ Back to source

My god.

This boy is full of so much love.

Y’all take FOREVER to actually get together.

It got to the point where Toby got frustrated and was all like “should I just kill them?” (Assuming you ain’t a proxy)

What I’m tryna say is he’s sorta oblivious to his feelings towards you.

But he’s so scared to get attached to you, cuz every time he’s ever gotten close to someone they die.

But when y’all (finally) get together after a long ahh slow burn.

YOU TWO ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST OMD.

He was so surprised that you said yes when he asked you out. Like- you? The pretty girl who he had the the pleasure of becoming friends with???? Says yes to him????

He’s so happy

Buttttttttttttttt.

So awkward it’s almost painful.

Onetime you kissed him on his cheek, bro was all like ‘🧍’

But when you guys get past that awkward stage? You guys are practically attached to the hip.

And I know most of the fandom hates the ‘soft Toby’ stereotype, but I feel like that’s just how he is w you (though he does have his moments…)

Lots of reassurance. It’s needed if y’all wanna last.

He isn’t used to have someone be so affectionate towards him. Since deadass the only person who’s showed him genuine love was Lyra.

When y’all first met, he’d always wear a massive ass bandage over the gash on his cheek.

Every time you saw it you gave him the ‘🤨’ look, which he’s just shrug it off. And when you’d ask him about it, he’d say something like:

“It’s ruh-rude to ask t-that.”

He’d even continue wearing it INTO your dating life, he’ll eventually cave in since it’s been around 8 months of him wearing it around you. And a wound would normally be healed by now.

He wasn’t at all surprised by your reaction of shock.

He’ll always have it on out of the apartment though. No exceptions.

He calls you ‘pretty thing’ sm it becomes a tic.

Eskimo kisses? Eskimo kisses.

He try’s his best to keep the whole murder part of his life away from you. But it’s obvious so… that was one long night of going over things.

Anywaysssss.

AQUARIUM DATES! Y’all get in your grandpa jumpers and walk around the aquarium holding hands and looking at all the cool fish n’ shit.

HE LOVES LOVES LOVES NECK KISSES.

He’s a slut for knowing he’s yours.

He loves teasing the shit outta you for being short. Even though he’s like 3 inches taller

“I’ve been b-breaking my buh-back k-k-kissing you, babe.”

“Piss off.”

He loves laying between your legs with his face flushed against your chest while you run your fingers through his hair and itch his scalp.

When you guys are sleeping, you’ll constantly have to make sure he doesn’t get too over headed or cold due to his CIPA.

Speaking of sleeping, he grinds his teeth while he’s dreaming. So just gently grab his chin to stop him. And he’s a deep ass sleeper so he won’t feel it lol.

He isn’t a big fan of PDA when you guys aren’t behind closed doors, but he’ll ALWAYS hold your hand.

On the less sappy note, when he’s having a tic attack he will not allow you to come near him. He’s so scared of hurting you.

And when he’s having an episode?

Make sure you stay calm. And maybe get to him before he gets to you. He’ll be so upset if he did hurt you while going through one of his schizophrenic like states.

To help him through his manic episode, stay as calm as you can, let him know that, although you don’t share the belief that it’s real, you understand that it is real to him. Try and keep focused on supporting him with how he’s feeling in that moment, rather than confirming or challenging his reality.

If he does snap at you, he’ll feel so guilty. He will think that he’s just like his dad.

He’ll probably disappear for a few days, but when he comes back he’s begging for you to not leave him. Like he’s full on sobbing.

Hold him.

He’s clingy. Like super clingy. Clingy to the point where it just becomes obnoxious. And gets a bit irritating but he means well :(

He loves you like a dog, and he’ll do anything for you. He trusts you with his whole being and hopes you feel the same.

✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•

[grvyrd-drms]

creepypasta piercing hcs!!!???!!!

-----------------------------------------

A/N: inspo from me finally stretched my ears to 0g!!! i also didn't include brian or tim, because their irl actors didn't have any. :)

characters: toby, jeff, ben, e. jack, nina, sally, jane, liu, jane, clockwork/natalie, zero, kate, jason, helen/bloody painter, puppeteer, jason, judge angels, cody/x-virus, sally

cw: mentions of piercing infections, manic episodes, and pps LOL

-----------------------------------------

toby: my boy is DECKED OUT in shit!! double eyebrows and nostrils, bridge, smiley, septum, snakebites, cheeks, practically every ear piercing. had a belly button at one point (someone please draw this) but was too insecure to show it off so he took it out. on top of this sluttiness he also has dreams of getting a pp one 🤭 but only when he's manic. prefers to do his own, mostly does them during his ✨episodes✨. the one good thing about his CIPA is he can just get whatever he wants. has to be reminded to clean them.

jeff: his skin is super sensitive and he absolutely does not take care of anything so he's had to take a ton out, but he's managed to keep a few. he def has 00g gauges and a septum, left eyebrow, a few helixes, tried a lip ring and tongue but they got nasty infections. the infirmary hates him.

ben: since he's in link's body, he already has basic lobes. i like the idea that he can kind of change his appearance (being a ghost and all) so he added some more hoops along his elf ass ears. keeps trying to dare jeff into getting his nipples and belly button done (it's not working).

e. jack: has his basic lobes. was too much of a mama's boy to get any facial piercings and was too much of a wuss to get more ear piercings. and honestly??? he's been deterred away from getting more because of jeff.

nina: OMG snakebites, medusa, tongue, septum, nostril, triple lobes and helix on either side, nipples. belly button with cute ass Y2K dangly jewelry. owns half of the claire's store earring collection.

sally: has her basic lobes with the cutest little gold bow earrings <3

jane: kept her basic lobes and her seconds, both are little hoops. silver girly for life!!! doesn't really like any other body mods or such.

liu: do his staples count has one basic lobe on his right. lil hoop in it :3 wanted to be 'rebellious' 👹.

natalie: eyebrow (on the opposite side of the clock), triple lobe, industrial on left side and double helix on the right. belly button. has a nose ring on her right, with a skinny gold hoop in it. doesn't care for metals at all, they're all mixed (monster) she learned from her clock eye to keep her body clean, so she regularly cleans them. go girl!!'

zero: stretched her ears to 16mm, tongue and septum. doesn't go crazy but she's dedicated to her gauges.

puppeteer: he's sexy so has to have stretched ears. they're only at 00g cause he likes them noticeable but not too big.

bloody painter: literally nothing except an eyebrow on his left. toby thinks its odd. secretly afraid of needles so he sticks to what he has.

judge angels: basic lobes, both tragus and a helix on her left and she's happy with it. she likes that it adds a bit of sparkle to her look but its not excessive unlike some people.

jason: he's a SLUT!!!!!!!!! has dick piercings. im not gonna look them up cause i don't feel like seeing pps but he... he has a few. has his basic lobes, nipples and belly button as well.

kate: i feel like she doesn't really care about her appearance, so she used to have basic lobes but they closed cause she never put them in. is intrigued by the idea of having a ton but she knows she could never commit herself to the upkeep. admires toby's from a distance.

cody/x-virus: got influenced (peer pressured) into getting a few due to toby. HAS to make sure everything is properly sterilized beforehand and will usually do them himself to make sure. double lobes, a tongue, both eyebrows, both helixes and a snug on his right. cleans them all twice a day.

[macdenlover]

okay i have a (kind of) realistic macdennis jealousy arc ryan reynolds episode idea :)

so. mac gets a new boyfriend (obviously) who’s this absurdly perfect guy. he’s smart, kind, funny, rich, he’s got a perfect hollywood beefcake body etc etc whatever. you guys get it. so mac introduces him to the gang and everyone’s happy for them but they move on pretty fast to whatever scheme they’re setting up next. except for dennis who is like ummmm???? don’t you guys think somethings weird about that guy???? and the gang is like no???? and now they all think (know) dennis is losing his mind because of this stupid jealous codependency thing he has going with mac. so when they’re no help to him he sneaks around on his own trying to find as much dirt on this guy as he possibly can— breaking into his house, searching his car, getting one of frank’s seedy connections to run a background check. but everything he finds is totally spotless. spotless like every inch in his house was just scrubbed insanely clean and this guy has zero social media presence at all and its weird. and now dennis is convinced this dude is a full blown serial killer. but also dennis is manic and deranged at this point and no one buys it they’re like ugh we get you’re jealous but you don’t need to project onto this guy. then mr perfect boyfriend decides to take mac out on a surprise date and he puts a blindfold on him and drives him to a secret location far away and dennis, like the paranoid jackass he is, decides to follow them. and when they finally get there dennis tries to be all HA! i got you now! mac i’m gonna save you i’m gonna get you out of here but it turns out mac is totally fine and this guy just wanted to introduce mac to his dogs or something idk something pretty innocent. so mac and dennis get into a huge fight there’s jealousy and betrayal and years worth of mac not standing up to dennis finally coming out and while they’re busy yelling at each other BOOM they get beat upside the head with something heavy and they wake up bloody and tied up and blindfolded in this dudes basement because he DID end up being a serial killer. and then that same charmingly funny intonation ryan reynolds does (you know the deadpool voice) gets Very Creepy very fast (sorry i just wanna see him play a killer really bad like some people are so put off by the way he talks and i’d love seeing it subverted like that.. OKAY moving on). anyway they’re STILL fighting because dennis is bragging about how he was able to figure it out when no one else did and mac is like oh my goddd will you shut the fuck uppp!! and now they’re really about to die so dennis confesses his love to mac as one last goodbye and it’s a very sweet moment between them. but THEN! they don’t die because the gang shows up in the last second. and by god do they fucking Destroy this guy. when i say its gruesome i mean its Gruesome okay he’s bleeding out from charlie biting a chunk out of his neck, dee’s stomping on his crotch with her giant wrecking ball feet, frank has a flame thrower for some reason (probably connected to the b story im too lazy to think about) but the point is it’s BADDD. and then they all sit in silence covered in blood on the way back home except for when dennis asks how they knew they were in danger and it’s cause that background check came back and they found out the guy was french.

[raisin-shell]

Hey. Just wanted to say I love your blog. I’ll keep it short. What’s your take on the guys mental health?

Here we go nonnie. The good the bad and the ugly…

Leo

OCD- he keeps his things neat and tidy…. A little too tidy. He lives his life in complete order. He’s always on schedule and always on time. He has strict rules he’s set for himself and he abides by them.

PTSD- due to how close he is with his dad, seeing him die (or what would have been death from the first movie) really fucked him up. He suffers from nightmares and insomnia even though his father is still very much alive and this would also explain why he mistrusts others. EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT ABOUND.

NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES- he thinks very highly of himself. Needs to be adored by his father. NEEDS TO BE. Lacks empathy for others and as we’ve seen in OOTS will lie and never even acknowledge it or even apologize.

Raph

BIPOLAR- he builds up walls to keep others out and to keep from being hurt. He goes from being enthusiastic and gung-ho to being uninterested and reclusive. (Manic-depressive). MOOD SWINGS good lord. He obsesses over things like lifting weights or working out. Also hates to shower.

SEXUAL ADDICTION- in my AU, I write Raph with a sexual addiction. Mainly because he’s got a lot of testosterone pumping through those veins but also because of his manic episodes. A lot of bipolar people also struggle with sexual addiction and I believe Raph with all his rage issues definitely needs a way to cool off steam and sex is his go to.

Donnie

ANXIETY- poor Donnie boy is riddled with it. Having to be the brains of every operation is extremely nerve racking and his coffee consumption does not help.

ADHD- he is a people pleaser, a perfectionist and a jack of all trades. As we see when he is attempting to drive the garbage truck for the first time, he has difficulty focusing and concentrating on the task at hand. However we also see how Donnie can handle himself under extreme amounts of pressure. “It’s all you Donnie… no pressure no pressure.” As we see when he’s locating the beacon on Krang’s ship.

Mikey

ADHD the other side of the spectrum- he’s unable to sit still in calm or quiet surroundings. Constantly fidgeting. Unable to concentrate on tasks as we’ve seen in the plane scene in Brazil. Excessive physical movement. Excessive talking. Unable to wait his turn while talking. He has little to no sense of danger at all, constantly cracking jokes at the most inappropriate of times.

Im sure there’s more that can be added to these so you guys feel free to open a discussion! Special thanks to @rebel-hamato and @turtle-babe83 for helping me out with research! Love you guys to the moon and back!

[squ1dd]

RAAAAAGGHHHH NEW WIZ REF 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

He has a LOT of lore to him 🙏🙏 I will probably edit the post later to add more but yeag ↓↓↓ (TW: emetophobia mention.)

If it wasn't obvious, Wiz is Noise's brother. He's about a year younger than Noise.

Yes, his real name is Wilfred. His ENTIRE name is Wilfred Harlan Noise.

Think of His and Noise's relationship like Stanford and Grunkle Stan. It's basically that. (Wiz being Stanford and Noise being Grunkle Stan) It seems like they hate each other but deep down they really care about the other.

Even though he seems like a mean, scary wizard when you first meet him.... But he's really just a sad and pathetic guy. A boyfail even /hj

Bro is stinkin' rich, he has his own mansion n all that. He's also pretty famous for his magic shows as well, but he's not recognized often when not in costume.

He's always grinning or showing his sharp teeth because he doesn't like showing his buck tooth.

One if not both of his eyes are constantly red. Either his eyes are fucked up (which is why he has glasses but refuses to wear them) or it's just... Like that. But they glow green whenever he uses magic.

He also secretly likes crocheting small animal plushies. No one knows about it.

Alright, now for some lore.

He gained his magic from being possessed. How he got possessed is he found a cursed book (on accident), opened it, and made a deal with the spirit that came out of it. It possessed him and gave him magic. Though, there are many downsides. His magic relies on his energy, the less energy he has, the less powerful his magic is. If he runs out of energy, he passes out. Using too much of his magic can cause him to either pass out as well, cough up/puke green sludge that looks like toxic waste (Green and glowing), Or both. Other symptoms can include: Increased outbursts of rage, permanently nauseous when not practicing magic, and manic episodes. Yeah, he's not doing too well. The only way he could be freed of the spirit is if he died. The spirit can in fact show itself, but it could only come out of Wiz's mouth, not fully freed. Or it could also appear in his mind when he's either sleeping or passed out.

He was known as the "gifted" kid during his childhood, which caused him a crippling fear of failure.

The cursed book he found is a spell book, he still has it and has it really organized. (Ex: by alphabet, how powerful or deadly the spells are, as well as having a bunch of notes on the sides. He's a fucking nerd)

He doesn't like being attached to people, he's always afraid he might hurt them or disturb them because of his possession. He's also touch averse and touch starved.

Him and Noise used to be close when they were children. But then drifted apart as they aged, which causes them to fight a lot and get on each other's nerves.

Tldr: He's a loser and he's suffering /j (please actually read it im begging /hj)

[know-it-all-and-all]

Cathin First Day.

Caine “and remember to all be… oh” Caine sees a new member behind the others.

??? “this can't be true… it can be” the girl began to say in a low voice

Ragatha “oh… pomni do you think she is going to be ok?” whispering

Pomni “I don't know…”

Zooble see that Ragatha didn't do the usual thing of trying to calm…

??? “I HAVE BEEN ISEKAIDED WOHOO!!!” The girl began to jump and laugh like she just won the lottery “NO MORE JOB FOR ME! IM FREE IM A PROTAGONIST OF MY OWN ISEKAI!”

Jax “cool another freak” gets punched by Tether “softly”

Tether “don't call my mom Freak” Jax and Tether began to yell and insult the other in the background.

Gangle knows the term so is Coiom so the two of them reach the girl.

Gangle “Hi, first of all you are taking this pretty well, And secondly is not really isakai, is more like trapped in a digital space”

??? “HO! LIKE LOG HORIZON OR SAO?”

Coiom “log horizon… kinda, our brains are in danger though, with all the abstra-'' Gangle shut him off before he finishes because Harley was getting in the room.

Harley “hi~ good morning to you all~ … oh is that a cat lady? Cool she looks like uncle Jax” Jax and Tether stop fighting when the girl arrives.

Jax “she doesn't look like me!”

Harley “yes she does, look she has two ears a long neck and a Cheshire cat like grin”

Jax “she doesn't have… to close” the girl was almost touching Jax for how close she was, he can see her green almost scary big cat eyes behind her hair.

??? “So are you the main love interest of this anime? You look like…” she was interrupted by Caine.

Caine “as much as I want you to keep going with this “love at first sight" moment, darling I need to give you the tour of the circus” he grabs her and disappears out of thin air. Everyone was looking at Jax like he just spawned a second head, minus Harley she was smiling happily “maybe I have another auntie now” she was thinking, and everyone can read that of her expression.

Jax “stop smiling like that!”

Harley “But Uncle Jax, this is amazing, you will have a girlfriend finally!"

Jax “she is not going to be…

”Tether “yes Harley she has the decision to choose widely too”

Jax looks at Tether with an angry face.

Jax “what are you implying with that Lego [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%]”

Tether “oh nothing, just the Truth, a good looking girl like that would never fall for the likes of you” the both began to see each other with an angry glare, but Harley stopped them.

Harley “stop! Tete everyone deserves love! And uncle Jax be a little open about this perhaps this can help you with the thing you say to me abo-” Jax put a hand on the mouth of the little girl.

Jax “they don't need to know that ginger plushie” Caine gets back with an even more happy cat girl.

??? “This is amazing, I love this place already, cameras everywhere and daily episodes? Cool!” She does a little dance.

Caine “happy to have such a positive attitude darling, now do you want a name?”

??? “WAIT! I CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME!” everyone expect this would freak her out “COOL IS LIKE I JUST REBORN HERE!” Every member facepalm, less the children.

Caine “yes and your new name can be anything, *proceed to tell the terms of service*” What are you thinking?*

??? “Umm… well I'm a Cat now… and I always like Catherine as a name… so Cathin? How does that sound?*

Harley “that sounds lovely”

Cathin “aw thanks you little one, nice to meet you all I'm Cathin the cat, hehehe it sounds so cute” Everyone was so stunned to say absolutely anything.

Caine “oh right, almost forgotten, the adventure of today, well Cathin is here now, so I would explain the adventure again ”Zooble groans in the background, Coiom leaves the room in the direction of the call center with Tether and Harley, Ragatha decides to stick for the adventure today.

Caine “the adventure of today is… “Hunt the Wakaljak” *began to manically laughing* the digital forest is now the new territory of the wild and big Wakaljak and you all have to find it before the night when he would be more dangerous”

Bubble “and how will they fight him?”

Caine “well that's easier to answer them…”

Bubble “and what is the…” he popped after Caine touched him.

Caine “you all have weaponry for this adventure, a comically large swords and bows and Kinger will have his shotgun”

Pomni “I don't think he should have that back Caine…”

Caine “shut up! And remember to all of you be together, the Wakaljak like to hunt lone or par members, now have fun my little Superstars” he disappeared again.

Cathin run to pick a big sword, her smile was big and amazed “this is like a monster hunter quest, I feel like being in a Raid in a MMORPG!” Jax picks a bow next to her, and she rests her head on his shoulder “and we can kill it together cutie” Jax takes a step back.

Jax “no so fast kitty, I'm not interested in whatever you are looking for”

Cathin “aww playing hard to get, cool I like the chase”

Jax “get the [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%] away from me”

Cathin “oh wait… [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%], [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%]” she began to laugh “what is this? 4kids censorship? Ahahhaha”

The members are now outside in the digital forest.

Pomni “this remember me the time we do a rpg episode, it was fun"

Ragatha “yeah… we all coordinate pretty well back there, curious that Coiom left”

Gangle “He and Storky are teaching Martin little things”

Zooble “Tether talk a lot of how clumsy he is, I still didn't see him, how he is like?”

Ragatha “he is a cute little bean, he sure is confused sometimes, but he means well”

Cathin is seeing all that interaction with interest “so this is a Yuri anime as well… nice less competition for you” she gets closer to Jax.

Jax “move! I'm not your boyfriend!”

Cathin “aw you break my little heart”

Jax ”good, now [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%] off”

Cathin “meany, but I still love you~♡♡”

Jax frown “you don't know me, you just came here! What are you, a child?!”

Cathin “nope I'm legal teehee~” Jax start walking faster, but Cathin easily emulates his rhythm, but he gets faster, so she does the same, before they can hear the rest of the members yelling at them they are running deep inside the digital forest.

Some minutes later the both of them stopped breathing heavily.

Jax “just leave me alone”

Cathin “can't do that hon, a heroin need alone time with the love interest” He realizes that they are alone in the digital forest, doing the exact opposite of what Caine told them not to do, and he is already too exhausted to keep running.

Jax “oh… [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%]” a big shadow cover the both of them and Jax nervous look up, a corn like monster is looking at them with sharp fangs, jax began to freak out.

Cathin “woah… I was hoping for something much worse than that, ok sexy let's kill… hot stuff?” Jax is below a tree fallen trunk trembling “really?”

Pomni “Jax! Cathin! Darn it, they run so far"

Zooble “why are we preoccupied for them again?”

Gangle “is her first day Zobs… even if she is taking it well, maybe is a coping mechanism” Ragatha looks nervous but Pomni gently takes her hand, and Ragatha relaxes slowly.

Kinger is in the front pointing his shotgun at anything that call his attention, the other four trough “give him a shotgun is a really bad idea”

Jax “get out of my hiding spot!” Jax is still below the tree's fallen trunk, Cathin is next to him because she doesn't want to fight that thing alone.

Cathin “if you came out and help me kill that thing maybe~♡♡”

Jax “NO! [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%] Caine and his stupid made out names for his adventure’s monsters, he knows! He [#$ಠ⁠益⁠ಠ!%] do this on purpose.

Cathin “So you are scared of a big corn monster?”

Jax “I'm not scared!” Cathin closes her distance and touches Jax's shoulder with hers

.Cathin locks eyes with Jax “well… Some say that love can be born from a dangerous situation” Jax heart skips a beat “and we are alone in a forest being hunted by your worst nightmare… at least you have me with you” her voice was slow and subjective, she put her hand on top of his “just the two of us” she said resting her head on his shoulder “isn't this romantic?”

Jax has a lump in his throat, his heart rate began to run a marathon, he is scared of how she manipulated his feelings so we'll, this girl is dangerous, more dangerous than the corn monster outside, “god help me” he trough.

Kiaaa appears a second “nope” she disappears.

Kinger is following the trail, he for some reason remembers something similar, the humidity in the ambient, the smell of gunpowder of his shotgun, the sound of the wind moving the leaves, and the comfy chat between friends, he is focused, he sees the trail of his prize.

Gangle “kinger is acting a little odd today”

Zooble “babe he is always odd”

Pomni “no I noticed too, he is not trembling, he seems focus”

Ragatha “thank god I was not the only one noticed, I thought I was…”

Gunfire makes the four of them jump, and the next thing they see is Kinger with the Wakaljak defeated next to a “smiling” Kinger in a hunter pose.

Kinger “take the photo darling I kill a big one… darling…?” He seems lost again, almost like searching for something or someone, Zooble tiredly sighs.

Zooble “hey I take the photo”

Kinger “oh thanks sports!”

Cathin see the rest of the members and taking the hand of Jax and take him out of his hideout “ok sweetie the danger is dead” he almost fall but she grab him before he does, now they are face to face almost kissing, but Caine appears.

Caine “well done everyone the adventure is over! You won!”

The next thing Jax knows is that he is on the floor and Cathin is walking next to Caine.

Cathin “nice episode ringmaster, I hope for the one tomorrow.

Jax “h-hey…”

Cathin “huh… what? The episode is over, I don't need to keep acting, what do you believe? Hahahaha pathetic, you are just an attempt of Tumblr sexy man, maybe you are the love interest of my character in the adventures, but don't get near me freak” and leaving a stun Jax she leaves in her way to the tent, the others are looking amazed at the whole scene.

Jax “WHAT THE F….

TBC.

I hope you enjoy this as I was writing it.

[borderline-culture-is]

not a culture ask but looking for resources one- im a borderline and im trying to look into bipolar disorder, specifically the differences when it comes to mood and manic/depressive episodes

you see, I don't know much exactly of what bipolar disorder looks like (i dont trust pop culture's depictions too much), and what the true difference is when it comes to splitting in bpd compared to episodes in bd. I understand they're separate things, but don't fully understand how they are separate

I knew I saw a blog dedicated to those with both bd and bpd, but can't find it. I just want to know because even though I'm more inclined to just chalk everything up as "just bpd," it would be nice to understand more so it's within my consideration. the episodes I have I raise my brow at sometimes

If you don't have anything on bd vs bpd relating to the differences between splitting and episodes in bipolar disorder, then that's fine ^^ I just didn't know where to find anything so I figured I start somewhere

From what we know, bpd splits/episodes are

Shorter, usually a few days at most (with emptiness in between them

Usually shaped by conflict with ur relationships

More caused by trauma than genetics (brain chemistry can contribute though)

And bipolar episodes are

Longer, lasting from days to weeks on end

Mood between episodes are stable rather than empty

The effects can be a little more physiological from what I've read (ie; the lack of sleep, psychomotor agitation, pressured speech) or at least i think they're somewhat physiological?

Also, BPD splitting is moreso focused on one person or one group of people, while BP episodes are more general and are not focused on a person/group of people. Technically BPD splits could be considered BP episodes, but not all BP episodes are BPD splits.

We're not a professional, and i suggest taking this w 5 pounds of salt.

[kittenbradensgf]

really do need to talk about it so spoilers for iwtv s2 finale beneath the cut

hi. i am so torn on this episode so this will be spilt into two parts, things i liked and things i didn't. excuse all grammar and spelling i really am not focused on that now.

things i liked:

first and foremost the theatre fire/ louis' revenge. I really liked the way he got out of the crypts and then him plotting his revenge in the graveyard, acting very manic and delirious. I immediately thought of Les Innocents with the graveyard as well which felt intentional and i love that. I really really enjoyed seeing his revenge come to life with the theatre burning, the sabotaged bikes that killed celeste and estelle, and of course cutting santiago's head off with a scythe.

I liked louis and lestat's reunion in new orleans and particulary the tour guide talking outside of 1132 rue royale, even if what he said wasn't the true story and was a little bit offensive. parts of the reunion i didnt like but that was more influenced by the other overall things i didnt like.

DANIEL! VAMPIRE DANIEL! wished we saw a little more of how we got here but i think that will be revealed in more depth next season. But i loved that danny is a vampire and armand is his maker. to me this basically confirmed that devil's minion happened, even if danile doesn't remember. armand would not have made daniel out of spite, he would only have made him if he loved him too much to lose, this is explicit canon, and i love it. loved daniel's fuckass tv interiew as well and his glasses and colour changing eyes.

I liked the ending, liked that setup for TVL/QOTD plotlines.

On that one i loved the Akasha mention from lestat to armand, and saying that louis doesn't know what that means. armand knows Akasha was kept by marius, even if he thinks marius is dead and that akasha could be kept by someone else i think this is the first nod towards marius being alive/showing up, as it says lestat had to meet marius to drink from akasha

I liked the weird little detail that the vampire sam is apparently in daft punk now. interesting. i still think he's actually ******* but yeah two things can be true

things i didn't:

lestat??? saved??? louis?? listen i fully understand that armand FUCKED UP here with directing the play but i knew that. I knew that it's in the books and is more than enough for loumand divorce! but oh my god saying that he would have let louis die makes NO SENSE??? why would he save louis in ep3 then just plan and direct hs death later. I swear i am not a book purist but he directed the play, manipulated lestat and killed claudia because he wanted louis for himself, this is purely his motivations in the books that feels like complete character assasination from one point of view. Having lestat save louis feels like a sloppy way of pushing the narrative back into the loustat box and make it purely like "oh armand never loved louis and was so much worse than lestat." I just... cant get past this. the entire 'i could not prevent it' was made so much better with the fact that he could because he saved louis, but not claudia. Thats purely in character for armand, this is not. When louis asked lestat in new orleans if he was the one who saved him during the trial i was basically begging lestat to say no because this makes no sense. They better have a good reason for this because if they leave it there i will be deeply upset. and im not even a loumand shipper particuarly.

Also did not like the mentions of what they did with Claudia's ashes. the first two were just upsetting and horrible but the third that was literally another sexual assault. not necessary :/ i choose to believe santiago was lying to infuriate louis.

overall i think it is a good setup for a third season if a little weird and ooc right now, i think (or hope) a lot of the loose ends and parts that don't make sense will be addressed in s3 and im so glad s3 is confirmed because if it wasn't i'd be worried.

[stormyoceans]

top5 puentalay kisses/hugs?

im pretty late with this but i would never pass up a chance to be annoying about vice versa so here we go!!!!!!! (also im not sure if i was supposed to pick only one of the two but again I SIMPLY CANNOT PASS UP A CHANCE TO BE ANNOYING ABOUT VICE VERSA IM SORRY)

TOP 5 PUENTALAY KISSES

1. greyllery kiss in episode 8. this is their first mutual kiss after two one-sided kisses, three almost kisses, three cheek kisses, and one forehead kiss. not to mention the hugs, the cuddles, the promises, the sleeping in the same bed, the taking a bath together, and i could go on but imma stop here before i get involuntary committed. we waited so long for this kiss and when it finally happened it was everything we could have ever asked for and MORE: the confession, the music, the parallels with the glasshouse kiss, the fact that it happens when the lights are out because they love each other for who they really are and not for the body they inhabit, puen's single tear......IT'S PERFECT.

2. glasshouse kiss in episode 4. i know having a one-sided kiss for second place doesn't seem fair but in my defense this kiss makes me go through such a plethora of human emotions that i feel like i need to go lay in the dirt for several hours to climb down from the sheer manic unhinged rabid energies that got me going on. y’all must be tired of hearing me say the same things over and over again about this kiss but. the build up!!!!!! the emotions!!!!!! the music!!!!!! IM NOT EVEN KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU THIS KISS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE.

3. beach kiss in our skyy episode 2. our skyy may have given us only one kiss but WHAT A KISS IT WAS. it feels like a sum of all their previous ones, the cycle closing with a recollection of the past and a promise for the future, as the kiss itself lets us know that no matter what's gonna happen from that moment on, they will always love each other like the very first day. and if the reminder of the drunk kiss in episode 2 wasn’t enough to drive this point across, the song they used during this scene is the same as the one they played during the greyllery kiss, which you know. [FEMALE HYSTERIA]   

4. foggy glasses kiss in episode 12. honestly can't think of any other scene in television history that was able to so perfectly portray a fictional character being left breathless, lightheaded, and weak at the knees by a kiss. the way puen is holding talay's head with BOTH OF HIS HANDS to keep talay in place which barely gives talay any time to take a breath...... the way they're so close and entangled in each other that you can barely tell where one starts and the other ends...........this kiss literally be turning both me and talay into the 🥴 emoji every single time.

5. reunion kiss in episode 11. it was a tough choice between this one and the bathtub kiss in episode 10, but in the end i had to go with their first kiss in their real bodies, not just because of this, but because there's so much love and comfort and reassurance packed in it. this kiss is the meeting of two souls who have missed and found each other again. it's the promise of being together for the rest of their life AND I FEEL SO NORMAL ABOUT IT IT’S HONESTLY INSANE HOW NORMAL AND HINGED AND SANE AND FINE I FEEL ABOUT IT.

TOP 5 PUENTALAY HUGS

1. reunion hug in episode 11. LITERALLY THEE SINGLE MOST SCENE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION IT CHANGED THE TRAJECTORY OF MY LIFE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD AND THE CHEMICAL MAKE UP OF MY BRAIN. puen says "you must be very tired. from now on, things will be okay," and that's exactly the feeling this hug conveys: everything will be fine, you're home now.

2. comfort hug in episode 6. my grasp on the english language is too limited to even attempt to put into words what this hug did to me the first time i've watched it. it made me mentally deranged in ways so profound they will only become apparent years down the line. to this day there are people out there wondering why talay even likes puen and the urge to shove this scene under their nose is immeasurable. FIND YOURSELF A PARTNER WHO WILL LISTEN TO YOUR FEARS, GIVE YOU COMFORT, AND HUG YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE!!!!!!! (@GOD ME WHEN)

3. reconciliation hug in episode 7. I NEEDED THIS HUG JUST AS MUCH AS PUEN DID TBH. talay initiating any kind of physical affection always feels incredibly special and precious, and it is so much more here because this is him finally realizing that puen's feelings are sincere. this hug is the turning point of their relationship as talay implicitly accepts puen's love and confesses his own. it’s just so emotionally satisfying [SOBS]

4. back hug in episode 12 and in our skyy episode 1. LOOK I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT. THE DOMESTICITY THE COMFORT THE TENDERNESS THE AFFECTION THE ADORATION THE SOFTNESS THE WARMTH THE PARALLELISM THE ROMANTICISM THE SOULMATISM THE TRUE LOVISM OF IT ALL. YEARS LATER THEY'RE STILL THE SAME.

5. hourglass hug in episode 12. the hourglass with the sand that doesn’t fall!!!!!!! i don't want time to go by without you!!!!!!! from this moment on it's you and me!!!!!!! ‘city’ playing in the background!!!!!!! the moon watching over them!!!!!!! WAILING WEEPING HOWLING SCREECHING CRYING SOBBING SCREAMING--

[cannibal-nightmares]

okay ghost story time. im not even prefacing this as "grain of salt: im psychotic" cause this is not that. and if it is, well, fuck, it's entirely out of my realm.

a month or so ago I had vaguely made a light-hearted and goofy one-off post about how hard it is to write out a check while hallucinating. I had gone to a realty office to put down a deposit on an apartment, but as I got into the lobby, things were kind of distorted in a way I can't articulate accurately. There was a sort of frequency racing through my head that was making it hard to focus; I thought I was just anxious taking the leap in signing moving paperwork, etc, and when I was writing the check, I was hallucinating so bad I had to redo it three times. I kept seeing colors and lines and energy in the lobby, idk, it's difficult to explain, but these are also the auras I get before it rains, so I really didn't consider much of it.

Today, I went to that office to pick up my move-in keys. Hooray! One step into the lobby and... Same thing. Instant feeling of something. The edges of the walls and the countertops frayed. Etc. Still, I didn't immediately think anything of it, I mean, I'm literally about to move, how nerve-wracking. I was told by a representative to go into the other room and wait for her there while she gathered paperwork; I did, and glanced out into the lobby to prepare for her, and there was a tall-ish white man with big khaki pants, a dark navy cardigan or windbreaker, and a light dress shirt. And, of course, he fizzled into thin air and glitched out of existence. "Great." I thought. "That's just great." I knew it was getting bad, but I didn't realize it was that bad already. But then... I considered... I didn't feel scared or doubtful... The representative came in and sat down and I thought, fuck it, I'm a bit manic, I hate small talk, let's just cut to the chase: "Are there ghosts here?" The change in her eyes. "...Why do you ask?" I wasn't about to tell this lady that I was hallucinating, so I just said something along the lines of, "The energy is different..." and also, "The energy was different in the same way last time I was here, too." She chuffed and told me, "It's funny you should mention that..." and she proceeded to tell me about how someone had recently passed and that they kept hearing strange noises while alone in the office, that the energy was off ever since, that they kept hearing swishy-ish pants walk down the hallway. She continued to tell me that her, herself, worked in some sort of organization in finding... missing people? and that she could feel presences sometimes? She tried to prod for more details from me, but I was being vague in the same way she wanted me to be specific, neither of us wanted to put ideas in the other's head.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Another namely instance includes when I had one of my major episodes of psychosis while I still lived with my parents. Long story, but I was going through it, and going through it hard, and at this time i still had no idea what was happening in my head, so I didn't have the resources to make sense of it. The short of some of the more surface-level details included feeling like I was being watched, that there was someone in the room, etc. I am not going to get into further specifics for the safety of my audience. But... What didn't help is that my dog at the time would randomly get up in the middle of the night to stand in the middle of the living room to bark at nothing. I never made note of what times he would do this, but maybe I should have. I eventually moved out and, with time, that episode finally subsided for a while. A couple years later, I visited my parents for Thanksgiving dinner, and they had invited their next door neighbor over. She was chatting about the tenants who had previously lived in our house before us and how it was an older couple, how the husband was brought home from hospice in a hospital bed in the middle of the living room where he then passed...

Too, I had helped my friend's parents move into a new house, except I kept seeing a little dog dip around corners. I didn't make outward note of it because I'm literally schizophrenic. Some time later, their mom mentioned stories about seeing a "ghost dog."

I used to visit another friend of mine in which I always felt a presence near the ceiling of his living room. I didn't say anything about it. He moved apartments, and, still, every time I visit, there's the presence, un-moving and high up near the ceiling. One day, he told me he had been seeing a spiritual therapist who said that he had someone from his family looking over him, but that he didn't believe it...

At work, some of our electrical sensors go off randomly. My co-workers have joked that there's a ghost in our building, and I thought it was silly-funny, too, but... Sometimes when I'm standing in a specific part of the main room, there's always someone who approaches me from the right, to the center of my vision, then disappears. I haven't given it too much thought since my head has been so fuzzy lately, but, long story, we've been having temporary out-of-town management come in to run the store. I can't remember why I brought it up, but I asked the manager at the time if she believed in ghosts, followed by the often, "...Why do you ask?" I told her about the person I kept seeing and she about collapsed with relief and said, "Thank god you've said something, I thought I was losing my mind hearing and seeing stuff in this place."

So, now, what do I do with this information? And then what does that make of all of my other delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia? (/mostly rhetorical) And, too... What do I make of it now that it's raining out? The icing on this cake, to interject, is that my grandmother on my dad's side was a medium.

This stuff is slippery. Here's a short comic by grendel-menz that I resonate with regarding schizophrenia and the blurred erasure of spirituality. Huzzaahhh