#i think if ur only in it for the cash money then you have an inherent disrespect for the art of drawing furries

[identityquest]

posts that joke abt how furry artists make bank and so op is gonna start drawin dog ppl are sooo annoying like babe you dont have it in you. u do not have the gumption to draw bad furry art til you get noticed. you dont have the drive or the respect for the craft!!! you will fail

[super-done-dead]

i was so nervous that i hadnt actually moved on from my ex, that i was moving too fast etc. anyway my friend broke up w her bf YESTERDAY and TODAY has a date lined up. girl...

[gibbearish]

alrighty im doing my best to reply relatively nicely because while your response is so deeply fucking condescending and rude that I would be justified in immediately blocking you just for being an asshole, it's also clearly coming from a place of misdirected frustration over your husband's job struggles so im trying to give you the benefit of the doubt

nowhere did i say that i expect internet employees to work for free to serve Me Specifically or that they "don't deserve to pay their bills", that is something you projected onto this. yes, i do believe the internet should be free, AND i believe the employees should be able to live, and i think a system that makes that impossible is indeed fucked up and am allowed to express a desire to want a better one. you said "you can bemoan capitalism but it is the structure we currently reside in" as a cop out but like. yeah, it is the system we currently reside in, and i do think that sucks ass so yeah i am gonna complain about it, that's what this post is, it's me bemoaning capitalism. i'm sorry that in your brain that translated to "the other victims of capitalism don't matter to me as long as i get out on top" but once again that is your projection, not what i said.

and yeah, you're right, even if it's not what i was doing the revolution doesn't start by demanding free labor of others. you know what else doesn't start the revolution though? saying anyone who is frustrated with the way things work now is inherently selfish and infuriatingly self centered just for wanting things to be free. when you say "yes capitalism is bad but theres nothing we can do about it so don't complain about the way things are" you are the crab trying to pull me back into the bucket, you said i "want to be the rich capitalist myself" but of the two of us, only one of us is arguing to keep around the whole "everything must cost money" thing here and it sure isn't me lol

like overall i think the lens youre looking at this post through is "this is my husband's job, it's what he's paid for, therefore anyone saying they want it to be free is saying he shouldn't be paid, and therefore they are advocating for money to be taken directly from us so that they can live it up like kings" which is an understandable pov but takes a LOT of leaps. now to be fair i didnt actually include an asterisk on the post saying i aggressively support UBI and even further think the entire concept of money and paying for ANYTHING should be destroyed so that employees wouldnt HAVE to work at all, but i also think autofilling that nonexistent asterisk with "by the way i don't think anything else about the world should change, just that internet employees should work for free to serve me personally:)" is a big stretch. and to be fair i think at some point you realized thats what i was saying which is why you added in all the "you can be mad but its The Way Things Are soooo" caveats, the system sucking is such an obvious answer that in order for me to still be the villain trying to personally steal your husband's money, you have to preemptively cut it off. which is even funnier considering in the post you say "What do you mean free? For whom?" and then continue as if i had responded "for me and me alone, let the peasants be crushed beneath my heel on my way to ad free youtube" without stopping to think i might just maybe possibly mayhaps have meant free for everyone. so to be perfectly clear:

- i think the internet should be free for everyone

- i think housing should be free for everyone

- i think food should be free for everyone

- i think money should not exist at all

- i think capitalism is evil

- i think no one should have to work to survive and want all work to be voluntary

and finally:

- i think your husband should like. join a union or get a better job so that you're not so stressed about it that you take a random post very personally and proceed to be excessively rude and condescending to the poster while completely misunderstanding the point they were making.

what's interesting abt all this too is despite all the excuses you make for capitalism here, that's really where this anger should be directed. me making a silly one paragraph tumblr dot com post is not the cause of your husbands shitty pay or shitty hours or shitty work conditions, capitalism is. but as you said we can't really /do/ anything about capitalism individually so it's much easier to want to direct your anger at something different, and "blogger who said a thing that sounds kind of like 'your husband shouldnt be paid while everyone else still is' if you squint really hard" is as good a target as any so i do get it to a certain degree. again, SUPER couldve done without the intense condescension about how fucking dumb and selfish do i have to be to dare to want free stuff, but i can at least see how you got from point A to point B

anyways. tldr no i do not think society should be divided into "the rich people with free everything" and "the unpaid peons who suffer and die to make the rich ppls stuff free" nor is that what i said, and "that's just the way capitalism is" is not the bulletproof shutdown you seem to think it is. i know that's just the way capitalism is, that's why i want it to change. i think that's a reasonable desire even if i personally can't just snap my fingers and fix it, and trying to shut down arguments for ways things could be better with "but thats not how things work right now" is actively detrimental to progress because it's saying we should just lay down and accept the current circumstances rather than making a fuss. you can do that if you want, however you cannot demand other people do the same (see what i did there)

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[suiana]

yandere! malewife who is indecisive and can't decide on whether he wants to love or hate (also love, just with insults added instead) you today.

imagine ur cute lil guy that you love going "you're such a horrible spouse i hate you, go die" out of nowhere then you bring up the divorce card and he goes all ballistic

"ugh i hate this. this is the third sandwich I've made for you today and-"

"let's get a divorce."

"if you divorce me i will fuck up your life so bad, manipulate you into thinking that I was the only good thing you had that you have no choice but to get back with me."

like this guy is actually insane. he will not leave you alone and he will actually commit all the atrocities he threatens to do.

"wow this guy looks hot af"

"who? this random on the internet? you like them?"

"yeah this guy is kinda cute ngl"

"why are you looking at him? i will steal his skin and wear it if you keep complimenting him. you only need me. actually, do you want me to look like him? huh? should i start working out? buy a whole new wardrobe? just say yes and I'll do it all for you."

you actually don't know why you married him if he was going to threaten you for every little thing you did. you can't even talk to someone else without him getting all mad and upset. maybe it's cause you secretly like the way he's obsessed over you.

or maybe he's just cute. you'll never know.

what you do know is that you like providing him with what he needs and being the person he relies on. well, tbh, you're pretty sure he's like some secret underground black market trader or something because he gets money from nowhere. money you didn't give him. but you trust what he says. if he says he didn't do it, he probably didn't, right?

"hey honey how come you have 300k more in your bank account? i haven't sent you your monthly allowance."

"i actually harvest people's organs and sell them in the black market."

"...really?"

"no haha just kidding! i just saved up physical cash that you gave me and forgot to put it in until today❤️"

"oh ok"

yeah, you love your malewife 😁👍

[fallingformatt]

“IM NOT THAT SCARY AFTER ALL” C.S.

dealer Chris x fem!reader

summary: what happens when you go to the beach with your dealer in the middle of the night?

warnings: smut! 18+ unprotected sex, mentions weed

word count: 1.9k

a/n: heyy everyone my name is lily and this is my first fic, please don’t be hard on me. Leave suggestions or requests! Hope you enjoy

➽───────────────❥

I kept tossing and turning in my bed, I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me it was so hot in my room that even only wearing my oversized t-shirt that barely covers my ass and a thong I was still too hot to fall asleep. I picked up my phone to check the time. "Fuck" I said under my breath as the phone screen read 2:37 AM "Well there is only one thing that can help me," I said to myself as I swiftly hopped out of my bed, rushing to my vanity. I pulled out my pink 'makeup bag' which really wasn't a makeup bag but a special bag that holds weed for when I want to smoke and that's the beauty of it, my parents would never think to look in my makeup bag that is placed on my vanity, hiding in plain sight.

I pull on the zipper revealing the contents of the bag: some papers a lighter and a small tin container "Bingo" I say to myself getting excited to smoke. I opened the container and was left shocked. It was empty not even a little left for me to smoke. I sighed as I knew what my two options were. Option one go back to bed and try to fall asleep in this hell-like heat or option two message my dealer who I'm scared of. I try to see him as rarely as possible. Chris is so hot but also hella scary and always seems cold and distant so I always kept it short and always buy enough to last me at least a month. I weighed out my options and decided that there was no way that I was falling asleep without smoking so I grabbed my phone.

"hey r u still up?" I texted him and waited for an answer hoping he was still up so I could get my weed.

"yeah i'm still up, need something ma?" he answered. He always called me ma or princess which I found weird but never dared to say anything about it.

"can I buy my usual? im all out" I text right back happy that he's still awake

"sure ma gonna be there in five" he answers

I quickly go out of my room and check if my parents are asleep. I go down the stairs and quickly sneak out of the backdoor as I usually do since it's the furthest from my parents room and they wouldn't hear the door opening or closing. I go around my house and he's already at my front door waiting in his car. I quickly get in the car. "hey ma I like what ur wearing" he says smirking. I look down and realize I forgot to put on shorts or pants and now I'm sitting in his car bare ass on the seat as my shirt raised up a bit while sitting down. "well I rushed outside and it's really hot outside" I said quietly. "Do you have my weed?" I continued right after. "Of course I do ma, here," he said and pushed a baggie with weed in my hand. My eyes lit up seeing my goods and a smile creeps on my face as I reach out my hand with cash "Damn, you're so excited over some weed. You know it's not good to do drugs right?" he says in a cold tone taking my money. "Well, this weed is the only way I'm falling asleep in this weather. Besides you should want people to buy weed it's how you earn your money" I say back. "Do you wanna go somewhere cooler?" Chris asks. " Well I don't know, my parents are asleep" I answer. "Exactly they won't even know you left the house," he says smirking again. "You've got a point, sure let's go," I say.

This interaction was a bit different than all other ones. He didn't seem as cold as usual but maybe I'm just imagining things.

We have been driving for at least 10 minutes now and I'm sitting on my side both my legs horizontally on the car seat as I look through the window listening to the music that's quietly playing in the car. "Where are we going? You never told me" I ask as I turn my head. I saw Chris looking at my ass as it was fully visible in the position I'm sitting in. "We're almost there" his eyes quickly shot to the road as he answered. "Were you looking at my ass?" I say changing my sitting position. "Well ur the one who's not wearing any pants" he scoffs coldly. "I didn't know we would go somewhere" I quickly answer. "We're here," Chris says and I look outside the window. We are at the beach, the moon is shining and the waves look so calming. We both get out of the car and head to the shore.

We find a good spot and sit down. We are the only ones here no people in sight, just me and him. Well if I think about it he could kill me and no one would ever know, the thought of that made me uneasy. "You good ma?" he asks "Yeah I'm fine" I answer looking at the pretty waves as the warm breeze hits my skin. "This feels so nice," I say quietly. "It does, do you want to smoke?" he asks holding a joint that he had just rolled in between his fingers "You bet I do" I answer and he puts the joint in between my lips and lights it. I take a puff and let the smoke out. We finish the joint and sit for a bit.

I look at Chris and notice his beautiful features in the moonlight, my gaze moving from his hair to his lips, as my eyes travel down further my eyes fall to his crotch and I feel my panties dampen. He turns his head looking at me and his clear blue eyes with a hint of red surrounding them meet mine. "what's up ma?" he asks not breaking the eye contact. "You know, you're not as scary as I thought," I say looking down at my fingers and playing with the sand beneath me. "Why do you think I'm scary, do you think I'm going to kill you or something" he shoots back a question. "That thought did cross my mind if I'm being honest. You're always so cold towards me" I say and he chuckles at my confession. "I would never kill such a pretty lady. I always love seeing you ma" he says and a smile appears on my face.

"You wanna go for a swim?" he asks "I don't have a swimsuit" I answer "Neither do I, let's go anyway, cmon ma don't be shy," Chris says looking at me shooting me a quick smirk before standing up and pulling down his shorts and his shirt running towards the waves. I get up and pull off my t-shirt throwing it into the sand and covering my bare chest with my hands as I have no bra on.

I start running towards the ocean as well, seeing Chris already in the water fully swimming. I swim to him and he looks at me staring me down, till he glances at my boobs and licks his lips. "Kiss me," he demands with a lustful voice. He takes my hand and pulls me closer until our bodies meet pushing his lips onto mine unexpectedly. His tongue exploring my mouth before breaking the kiss. He moves to kissing my neck sucking on it leaving a mark. I tilt my head back and let out a quiet moan as he hits my sweet spot. "Oh you like that don't you ma," he says and moves to kiss my collarbones leaving a trail of kisses till he gets to my breasts nibbling on my nipple. "Oh fuck" I moan. "Tell me what you want, and I'm gonna give it to you princess," Chris says in a deep voice. "I want you" I manage to say. He grabs my hand and starts running towards the shore as I'm following him. We get to the shore where our clothes are.

I lay down and he crawls in between my legs his chain dangling above my face his eyes full of lust staring at my lips before smashing his lips on mine once again as we share a passionate kiss. He pulls down my thong not breaking the kiss, doing the same for his boxers. As we deepen the kiss his fingers move up and down my heat before slamming them into me. I throw my head back as a loud moan leaves my lips. "Oh fuuck Chris" I moan out loud as he continues to thrust his fingers into me at a rapid pace. "Tell me what you want," Chris says as his voice grows deep "I-I nee-" I try to say but can't finish the sentence. Chris suddenly pulls his fingers out of me and my eyes shoot open in frustration "Full sentences princess. Tell me what you want" he says his eyes darkening with arousal "I need- I need you in me Chris" I manage to squeeze out as my hips buck up yarning for him. His thumb presses against my lips before I open my mouth sucking on it. Without any warning, he pushes deeply into me causing me to let out a scream-like moan, tears forming in my eyes. Without letting me adjust he starts pounding into me his tip kissing my g-spot "Oh my god Chris you're so big" I moan as I throw my head back. He pounds deeply into me keeping the same rhythm hitting my g-spot with every thrust "Look at me" he says but I keep my eyes shut. "I said look at me princess," his voice getting deeper than before as he grabbed my jaw, and our eyes met. "Look at you, taking me so good princess," he says as he pushes his lips on mine my hand travels to his wet hair lightly pulling it and he places his hand on my thigh, our bodies sticking to each other like glue.

He continues to thrust deep and hard as my moans slip against his lips, my hands traveling to his back. He breaks the kiss and throws his head back, rolling his eyes and letting out an animalistic growl I feel my climax coming. "I- I- I'm close don't stop please don't stop Chris" I cry out as I arch my back, digging my nails into his back leaving scratch marks, bucking up my hips to feel him even deeper. Chris lets out a moan as his thrusts become more aggressive and faster. I dig my nails into the sand holding on to anything I can "I'm so close I'm gonna cum" I moan out as I feel my walls tightening around his cock. Chris hearing that thrusts in me harder than ever making me almost scream out in pleasure. His breathing became hitched as he trusted a few more times before cumming letting out a loud moan, leading to the knot in my stomach to unravel, I let out a pornographic-like moan as my orgasm took over me.

As we both came down from our highs, he pulled his dick out of me kissing me before laying in the sand next to me. He turned his head to look at me and said "Come here ma" and pulled me closer as I laid my head on his chest. We watched as the sun started to come up "See I'm not so scary after all" Chris said with a chuckle. "We should do this again" he continued and I nodded my head in agreement. "Common let's get you home," he said and we got dressed heading for his car.

[sxtvrns]

jongseobbbbbb as ur rich cutie bf .. that’s all i got

loaded and devoted

🎶 now playing: that’s what i like - bruno mars

P: Kim Jongseob x Fem!Reader

S: Jongseob just can’t help pampering his girl with his riches.

G: fluff (requested!)

N: my first request! this is so short i’m so sorry :( my asks are open btw so go wild with it but not too wild i don’t write nsfw and certain stuff lol

please interact if you enjoy!

“Oh, wow…” You mutter, staring through one of the windows of the shops you were passing by.

“What is it, babe?” Jongseob stops with you.

“That dress...” You marvel aloud, still in awe. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah? Do you wanna try it on?” He suggests, making you look at him surprised. “Oh, no, I was just looking…” You shake your head. “Looks expensive.” You tug on your boyfriend’s hand, walking away from the store.

Jongseob had a habit of spending money. He wouldn’t spend it irresponsibly, of course, but he finds himself doing it more often. He finally got something out of all those producing credits on top of his work as an idol.

Yes, he splurged on himself, but he found that he splurged on you more often.

Short on cash? He’s got plenty.

Buying something? The reader already says accepted before you can even tap your card.

Bad day? Tub of ice cream and your favourite flowers suddenly show up at your doorstep.

You get worried he doesn’t treat himself as much as he should, but he always says seeing the look on your face is worth more than anything he could get for himself.

He puts so much time into gifts for you that you almost feel bad your gifts for him don’t amount as much as they do for you. But he loves everything you give him, no matter how small it may be. The ramen jellycat you got him (which cost more than it should’ve) is the one stuffed toy he brings with him when he travels, and the only one he proudly posts with.

That was worth more to you and to him than any other form of materialism.

Gift giving has always been his love language.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything, Y/N?” Jongseob asks.

“I’m sure, Jongseob. Everything here is so expensive…”

“But—“

“I can’t have you always pay for me, I feel bad!”

“But I wanna pay for you, babe…”

The endearment almost makes you give in. “I know you do. But I feel spoiled.”

“Because I like spoiling you.” He pulls out a bag from behind his back.

“What’s this?” You ask as you pull out the product from the bag. “Saw you eyeing it when we passed by that cosmetics store.” He speaks up.

“Jongseob!”

“What? It’s the right shade.”

You grumble, unsure of whether to be grateful or mad at him.

“Come on, you know you like it.” He teases.

“I do…”

“Are you mad?”

“Yes, I’m mad!”

“I know you’re lying.”

You pout and look away. “Thank you…” You mutter, feeling his hand gently guide you to face him. Your eyes are still focused down. “No problem, baby.” He kisses your cheek softly before taking your hand in his. “Wanna go home now?” He asks, and you timidly nod as he guides both of you back to the parking lot.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I don’t know, babe, I’m gonna feel out of place…” You say, the doubt evident in your tone.

Jongseob got invited to some formal event you can’t remember the name of, and he wanted to bring you as his plus one. Surely there were other plus ones there, but the difference between you and them is that you are not famous. Unlike the famous couples, it was going to be famous young producer-idol Jongseob with you, a ‘what’s her name again’ and ‘I’ve never heard of her’ person.

“You’ll be okay, baby, you’ve got me.” He reassures.

“I don’t wanna burden you and linger around you all the time.”

“Why would you ever think of yourself as a burden?” You feel his presence behind you. His arms wrap around your waist, bending his head down for it to rest on your shoulder. “You’re my sweet, sweet, beautiful girlfriend with a heart of gold that deserves nothing but love—“ He cuts himself off by attacking your neck with kisses.

“Jongseob!” You giggle.

He presses one last kiss to your cheek. “And besides, I got a gift for you for tonight.”

“You really need to stop spending so much money on me…”

“Why? Don’t you like it?”

“I mean, yes, but I feel spoiled!”

“You deserve to be spoiled, Y/N.” He goes to the closet and pulls out a bag. “Here.” He places it on your vanity.

You carefully pull out a dress and realize what it is. “Is this the dress we saw in that designer store a few days ago?” You look at him, wide eyed, gaze switching between the dress and him. He merely responds with a smile. “Jongseob! This was so expensive!”

“I bargained a little. Learned from the best.”

“Does it even fit?” You check the tag, noticing it’s your exact size. He speaks up. “You know I know how you fit, baby.”

You can’t help but stare at the dress in shock, unable to get any words out. Jongseob rests his head on your shoulder. “Where’s my thank you?” You snap out of your trance, slowly smiling. “Thank you, baby.” Your head turns to kiss his cheek, but instead your lips meet his.

He kisses you softly before pulling away, pressing one more quick peck to your lips right after. “Go try it on, Y/N.”

You begin to change into the dress, slipping into it carefully so you don’t damage it. Jongseob helps zip up the back of your dress, watching you turn around so you’re facing him. “Wow…” He mutters under his breath.

“What?”

“You look incredible, baby. This dress was made for you.”

“Thank you, Jongseob.” You turn around to look at yourself in the mirror. “I feel expensive.”

Suddenly, a cold sensation rests on your collarbone and slowly comes up. “Lift your hair up for me?” He asks. You notice a beautiful necklace dangling around your neck, yet it looks unfamiliar.

“Did you buy me a new set of jewelry for tonight too?”

“…Please don’t be mad at me.”

you deserve it baby, you deserve it all. and i’m gonna give it to you! 🎧

[i-cant-sing]

Saya want know how Qasim look,are you have proposal?(≡・x・≡)

(pics below) Qasim, the brother, is older than reader by 5 years. He has chocolate brown hair, thick messy locks, and green eyes. He's gifted with eiditic/photographic memory which made him excel in school and he obviously had a high IQ as well. Doesnt mean reader thinks he's intelligent. Sure, Qasim is book smart, but he's not- street smart. Y/n has been the one to often make him realise that his friends were taking advantage of him by making him do their homework, or that they were laughing at him not with him because of his intellect. But reader chalks it up to his sweet nature, her goody-two-shoes of a brother who was hafidh (memorised the Quran) would always be the forgiving person. Its not that he was a pushover, he just... preferred to be the bigger person. Always. He'd chuckle and ruffle your hair "so what if I cleaned up their mess? it only took me 5 minutes and the job was done. Its okay, Y/n." He's always so selfless. You used to worry that he'd get hurt because he's too kind, you used to think he couldnt stand up for himself because he just didnt know when to- but no. Qasim was quite protective over you. When he saw you trying to tackle one of his so-called bullies, the boy towering over you (but you dont consider the height advantage, not when youre a raging kitten), Qasim stepped in and landed a single punch that knocked him down. (then big bro had to spend the rest of the day consoling u because you made him fight someone- and in ur head, that was the biggest sin u made him commit).

Qasim in Arabic means "the generous one" or "the one who shares", and being the older bro, he took his name quite literally. You were the younger sibling, the spoiled brat, the princess! But Qasim never had any problems with sharing anything with you, be it materialistic things or advice or even knowledge. You memorised Quran by his help (because u were competitive) and he had the extraordinary patience of a saint. You two would often participate in competitions at the local mosque just to get the cash prize and help your parents a bit (they never took ur guys money, encouraging u to either save it or spend it on something). Since both of your parents worked long hours, you two were left unsupervised for a long time and that only meant genius yet chaotic shenanigans, including prank calls to the pentagon hq.

Qasim grew up to get a lot of full ride scholarships from top colleges, and once he did his masters (a STEM major), he decided to start his own travel agency, surprising everyone because it seemed like something he wouldnt do? Everyone expected him to go into sciences, but he said he liked to travel and see the world, and Qasim told you that he enjoys running his own business, being your own business.

You supposed it made sense because he was a polyglot and he did enjoy learning new things and seeing new places, their history, etc. Due to his job, he would be gone for long months at a time, but he never returned empty handed. His arms full of souvenirs and sweets and BOOKS! Its not that he bought them for u, no. He bought those books for himself, but once he read them- he's already memorised it and he doesnt have anymore space in his home for more books, so he's always dropping them by your place (as kids, u made him memorise the phonebook before hiding the entire neighbourhoods phone books and had people pay to use your brother's memory for contacts, which was a good business until your father busted it down).

Qasim is the softest, kindest, most generous person. Even though he has a busy schedule due to work, he always made time for you. Whenever he came by, especially during your finals season, not only did he help you study, but he would also stock up your fridge and made sure to do some maintenance around your house. Fridge not working? Qasim has the tools, and if you werent so tied up with studying, you wouldve freaked out over him disassembling your fridge like lego. Sink clogged? No need for the plumber, Qasim knows the right potion of chemicals to unclog it. He's always been the one to prefer to do things himself, by his hand rather than relying on help.

what do u guys think???

[zorosleftmantit101]

Bro wtf im alive!!

———————————————————

ONE PIECE MEN

As shit from the groupchat

———————————————————

C/W: swearing, NSFW, mentions of suicide, general shit post stuff.

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Robin, Franky, Brook, Chopper, Usopp, Ace, Sabo, buggy, Shanks, Crocodile, Doflomingo

NOTE: Schools back and its been super fucking busy + plus im hyperfixated on bulders gate and game of thrones rn

———————————————————

Luffy: My balls dropped insted

Zoro: Peburty

Zoro: How tf do u spell iy

Zoro: Pubesraty

Zoro: Pubes

———————————————————

Sanji: Valentines more like. Suicide

———————————————————

Buggy: Ur so wacky

Shanks: *wanking

Shanks: 109 mph dick slaming in and out of this dirty half full starbucks cup i stole from a homeless crack addict (im imagining its ur tight boy pussy asshole)

Buggy: Shanks.

Buggy: Stop.

Shanks: Erm no!

———————————————————

Franky: Teachers should NOT say nice things to me (i have a praise kink and daddy issues)

———————————————————

Nami: Bro i gotta shit so bad

Usopp: THEN SHIT BRO

Nami: Im in the car

Usopp: Oh

Usopp: THEN SHIT AT SCHOOL

Nami: I am NOT shitting at school

Usopp: PUSSY

Nami: this was all a trick girls dont shit

———————————————————

Brook: Im so excited to drink today im actually shaking #slotmachines

———————————————————

Luffy: Happy Monday!

Chopper: It is NOT Monday my guy

Luffy: ... the shotgun is in my mouth

———————————————————

Franky: Bc l've got another day off

Franky: Should I come visit

Robin: YES

Franky: Hmmm

Franky: If I get bored I'll ride up

Robin: Then ill ride u up

Franky: What time u guys got recess and lunch

Robin: Get u preggo

Franky: SHIT

Franky: ILL BE THERE

———————————————————

Kid: just punch the customer

Law: nah I need that shit to traumatise them, I need the customer to be rude to me and I start levitating in the air while chanting and blood pouring out my eyes

———————————————————

Kid: When parents let their kids order and its like "what's that fetus, your learning to speak!! Yeah well spell trombone, didn't think so faggot"

———————————————————

Ace: U stick ur dick in ur bum and get urself pregnant

Ace: 2024 lets make it happen

———————————————————

Sabo: "Emo!" So close! I'm actually wearing the skin of your mother

———————————————————

Doflamingo: OK BUDDY DEGRADE ME MORE IM THIS CLOSE TO EXPLODING IN MY PANTS

Crocodile: MOTHERFUCKER WHAT

Crocodile: YOU DIRTY CUNT

Crocodile: WAIT

Crocodile: NO

Crocodile: YOU PERFECT HUMAN BEING

Doflamingo: NGHH (reverse psychologyed your ass)

———————————————————

Sanji: Ouchieeeeeeeeeeee my back hurtsss urghhhhh i wish their was a big sexy latina to sit on my face, only to make the pain go away of course

———————————————————

Nami: Guys i close the store in half an hour and im boooooredde i already finished cleaning wveryhringggg

Robin: Okok pro tip

Robin: Do u have pens?

Robin: Hand sanitizer

Robin: And paper towel

Nami: Im gonna just finger myself

———————————————————

Franky: That was my son 3 years ago before the incident...

Brook: Was the incident me whipping the nae nae! YOLO cash money dab on them fortniters

Franky: No

Franky: Big Foot stepped on my unborn baby

———————————————————

Law: If i die i wanna be reborn as an electric chair

———————————————————

Killer: Cheaters are dick beaters - Shakespeare probably

———————————————————

Sanji: You are quite literally the most cutest girl I've ever seen

Luffy: Bro my dick actully smells so fuckimg bad, it never smells bad do i have aids

———————————————————

[midheavenastrology]

🎉🧁Super rando 🎉🧁Astro Observations 🎉🧁

🍥I do not recommend dating someone who has ur chiron sign- in one way or another they will hurt you unconsciously and trigger you 😔😔😭😓🫣of course this is good in a way because all trauma is meant to be healed ❤️‍🩹🩺🩻but you have to be with someone who is conscious of the hurt they are causing. The chiron person is only really meant to surface these hurts not heal them. Think about it: ur chiron sign is literally embodying the wound that u have so to date that sign is like dating a walking red flag 🚩

🍥People with prominent Jupiter aspects to their ascendant, sun, midheaven will naturally just emit light ! ✨🌞🌻 u shine ! U so sparkle ! Jupiter expands anything it touches, so imagine having sun 🌞 aspecting Jupiter: big energy, big beam of light !!! They also have the loudest, biggest laughs lmao- this is me and everyone always tells me they love how much I laugh at everything/have the biggest guffaw- sound like a dang donkey🐴 sometimes srry not srry 🥲🥲🥲

🍥Someone with a lot of mutable placements absolutely needs fixed energy to ground and stabilize them 😇🥺when it comes to synastry. Especially when it comes to moon sign compatibility. Mutable moons are legit the most moody 🌝😩🌚Cardinal can work too but sometimes feelings will burn out quickly 🐒🔥🌪️💦

🍥However with that said: have y’all ever dated ur opposite moon sign ??? Because that sh*ts fire 🔥

🍥Be careful who you meet romantically during mars or Venus retrograde ⏪⏮️these are past lovers that come back to try sumthin, sumthin out again. Like I went on a dating app 🤪during mars ☄️retrograde and had a super casual fling that burned out super quickly💥💥💥but not with some big lessons. The seggs will be ahmazing because youve fucked around before lol 🍌✨ are the lessons worth it tho, who knos 🥲

🍥Libra and Taurus placements will always be attractive ! trust ! Venus blesses them in some way or another 🌸💅🧖‍♀️ pretty privilege y’all ✨Scorpio and Aries placements will always be sessy, trust ! mars gives them sexy privilege 🍌🍆🌶️ if u got both in ur big three, boy r u trouble 😈

🍥I read somewhere that when you’re embodying your true soul essence you take on ur vedic/sidereal placements: literally have been feelin my triple fire 🔥 placement in vedic ! 😬🌶️🔥

🍥Neptune+mercury placements ….you literally manifest when you speak so be careful what u wish for 🫶 it’s because Neptune: higher spiritual plane, angels 👼, ancestors and then mercury: communication: u are literally speaking to angels mmkay 🥲✨🫶

🍥If you lack fire 🔥 in ur chart, u tend to run V cold 🥶 like ur probs the friend who has cold hands and feet constantly ! Me 🙋‍♀️

🍥Too much mercury in ur chart or air placements can make u constantly in ur head: like u can’t detach ur mind from ur body and soul. It’s gonna be hard 4 u to meditate 🧘‍♀️ tbh. I recommend breath work 4 y’all, so u can get more in tune with ur body/or working out, running, moving ur body 🕺💃🏃‍♀️🏋️‍♀️🤹‍♀️

🍥biggest flirt placements of the zodiac goes to Aries, Gemini, Libra and Sagittarius- if u have all four shidddd…I hope ur significant other is ok 🥲 honorable mention: Pisces (but it’s cus we fall in love like 5 times a day…doesn’t mean we actually know how to flirt tho..we’re just sweet lovers by nature) Aries, Gemini, libra and Sag are the ultimate smooth talkers of the zodiac 🥵

🍥biggest non flirts of the zodiac goes to Capricorn, Virgo, Scorpio, Taurus. Ur flirting style is basically being mean, uninterested or cold. Earth+ Scorpio is very self contained, they like to keep it together and flirting feels stupid and petty. When in a mood, they don’t want to talk to anyone unless there’s a reason for it..like what do u want ? Tell me what u want, set a date and make a plan. Also lez be real: their main love is cash money 🤑

That’s all y’all 🍭🎨🤹‍♀️🤹‍♀️🤹‍♀️🤹‍♀️💅💅💅💅💅☎️☎️☎️☎️☎️☎️🧋🧋🧋🧋🧋🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞

Hope y’all have a magical day 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Thanks for reading+scoping !! 🥰

[kakujis]

if i could just get my hands on you.

feat: bonten!mikey, kokonoi, kakucho, + sanzu. i really wanted to put the haitani brothers in but i cant think of anything rn ;-;. afab! reader x bonten.

a/n: this probably, most definitely ooc bc lets be real they would most likely not hold back(unless ur kakucho) but this was self indulgent for me!

warnings: i say “maybe” a lot. face-fucking (kokonoi), voyeurism + panty!! stealer!! kakucho my beloved!!!, a bit of angst, drug mentions/usage(sanzu), squint and there’s some yan, oral f! receiving(sanzu). minors dni.

manjiro sano always gets what he wants. it doesn't matter if it's something as simple as taiyaki or becoming the most notorious gang in japan. every request is met with a "yes, sir.” but for some reason, mikey, just can't have you. his pretty receptionist. he’s not entirely sure why he doesn't just order you into his room, bullying his way into your tight cunt and fucking you dumb. maybe it's the way you always smile at him, even as he's just ordered sanzu to kill the three rival gang grunts begging for their lives off-site. or maybe it's the way you make him his tea every morning, doing your best to make sure its just right and none of it spills. you're so sweet to him and yet every time he touches you, he feels the way you stiffen. the way you begin to tremble when he gets too close. he thinks you shine brighter than the sunlight that peeks through the curtains onto his desk. perhaps, there is still a piece of the old mikey left, because he just can't bring himself to hurt you. so instead, he fucks the next whore that sanzu throws at him wishing it was you.

due to his massive amount of wealth, kokonoi hajime, loves to spoil his girls. anything they want, he gives, as long as he gets what he wants in return. which means face-fucking them until he shoots his load down each one of their throats, throwing them away until he calls them up again with another tempting wad of cash and the promise of luxury. you walked in on him once, trying to fulfill one of mikey’s orders. a small gasp left your mouth once you realized what was happening. you shut your eyes, immediately apologizing and slamming the door. after that incident kokonoi wanted you to see him again. he’d think about it every time he shoved his cock deep into one of his playthings. would you run away again? probably. or maybe, you'd join in and beg him to take you next. he'd like that, he thinks, as he slams into one of his girls, a bit frustrated that her moans and wails were doing nothing for him. ah, if only he had the guts to ask mikey if he'd want a new receptionist.

kakucho is in love with you. every morning, he waits to hear you greet him. and every night, he waits for you to take his blood stained coat off and welcome him home. unfortunately for him, you do that for all of them. bonten's little maid, who runs around the base tending to each and every one of them. sure, they have the money and the access to all the top doctors in japan, but most of the time you're enough. as japan's top gang, no one really ever stands a chance against them in a fight and anyone who does is promptly shot. he feels so guilty, stroking himself with your used undies, outside your bathroom door. he drinks in your sweet voice as you hum a familiar tune, his little songbird. he desperately wishes he could slip inside your shower, your back arching against his chest, fingers sinking deep into your cunt. he imagines kissing you to swallow your moans, hand coated in your slick as he fucks you thoroughly on his fingers. ever so gently, he’d ease you onto his aching dick, feeling the flutter of your plush walls. he thinks you’d look so beautiful, more than usual, being bounced on his cock, water running down your body. he climaxes quickly once he hears the water switch off, stuffing your soiled panties into his pocket. he hopes you won’t notice this is your third missing pair.

sanzu haruchiyo needs you to need him. its only fair considering how badly he needs you. when he finds himself slipping from reality or sobering up from a bad trip, your voice always calls out to him. “sanzu… sanzu?” he blinks, your fuzzy form bringing some much needed company. as he continues sobering up, you always bring a cup of water to his lips, coaxing him to drink. it’s mind numbingly sweet the way you swipe at his scarred mouth when some liquid drips. you always dim the lights as well, not wanting to overstimulate him as he sobers up. if he wasn’t so fucked up he’d probably pounce on you then, ripping your clothes to shreds as he dives face first into your pussy. sanzu wants to feel the tug on his pink locks, envisioning how you would desperately grind on his face inching closer and closer to completion. what he would give to taste you just one time, to be completely soaked in your juices. he could probably eat you out for hours, licking and sucking on your poor puffy clit. maybe he’d tongue fuck you next, ignoring your pleas and overstimming you until you’re a trembling mess on his bed. but those are just dreams and by the time he’s grounded in reality, you’re gone, back to mikey’s office.

[1-800-be-my-baby]

mmmmmoreeeeee

jealous!reader marking her territory since way too many women have been looking at her daddy (rafe🎀) and even trying to flirt with him!!!

MDNI. 18+ sorry i got a bit carried away.

you’re drinking with your girls and dancing your hearts out at tannyhill. suddenly missing your boyfriends presence you begin to scan the room for him. you spot him across the room counting his cash on the couch while talking to topper and kelce. your fists curl and your eyes narrow as a girl goes up to your boyfriend. she slightly bends down to say something to him. making sure to show off her cleavage as she puts her hand on his arm. rage begins pulsing through you as you push your way through the sea of people to get to them.

once you reach them you grab the girls hand, removing it from your boyfriends arm. “get your fucking hands off him, you slut”

she opens her mouth to say something but it quickly snaps shut with the glare you’re giving her. she lets out a huff and turns around stomping out of the room.

“babe what the fuck i’m tryna make money here”

“she was clearly fucking flirting with you rafe” you scoff.

“she was tryna buy sum coke. it’s not like i was gonna fuck her.”

“oh so you just let all your customers touch you and flirt with you?”

he opens his mouth to reply but you turn around and walk away, fed up with him. he mutters “the fuck?” to himself as he follows behind you.

by the time he catches up with you, you’re already outside. he grabs your wrist spinning you to face him.

“jesus kid what’s ur problem? why you acting all jealous n’ shit?”

you look away from him, a scowl on your face. he grabs your cheeks roughly squishing them together as he forces you to look at him

“huh? fucking answer me when i’m speaking to you”

“ ‘m sorry… she was just all over you n’ you weren’t doing anything about it!” you whine while stomping your foot.

“jesus babe” he runs his hand over his face before running it over his recently buzzed hair.

“you know i only want you right?” he wraps a hand around your throat bringing his lips to yours.

your lips move against eachother slowly becoming more desperate by the minute. he grabs your hand and drags you to his truck. “i think you just need to be reminded that you’re my only girl. yeah?”

he pushes you into the backseat, climbing in after you. you straddle him as you begin to leave kisses along his jaw. slowly moving down to his neck. nipping and sucking harshly on the skin.

“shit kid. you really tryna mark me up here huh?”

“mhm just want everyone to know you’re mine daddy”

“damn righ- fuck.” you begin to roll your hips against his hardening length. desperate for friction.

he slides his hand under your skirt, slowly rubbing his fingers through your slick folds. “lemme prove that it’s only you i want”

[daydreams-after-dark]

i knew i recognized that goblin in ur brain reading abt scientists channie🥵

but i need to know more, like that happened before ch.1? how did they meet? why did the reader decide to be one of channie’s test subjects? are they doing it willingly or were they tRICKED BY MASTERMIND CHANNIE AND-

ahem my apologies idk what came over me there🥲

if you have answers to these clearly very important (read with major sarcasm lol), feel free to reach me at @kpopsstuffs

also, if no one has told you today, you’re hot af, and you got a cute butt (;

🤠🤩🖤

Well, gosh, thank you for the butt compliment (I love words of affirmation).

You know… I hadn’t thought about a backstory. My imagination was just thrown into it already established. It was originally a oneshot, and I might have felt it having captive vibes back then … but I had a little think about it all this morning, in bed.

This is what I believe to be the backstory:

Chris needed test subjects. So he put out an ad online seeking participants, in exchange for financial payment. A lot of females applied, and in the end he selected ten, including you.

The experiments started off well. All pussies were very receptive. But as time went on, his subjects began to withdraw from the experiment. Some of them were just staying until they’d saved enough money to pay for their college debts. Others decided it wasn’t for them.

Eventually, Chris only had three test subjects, you and two others. You were so receptive and enthusiastic that Chris decided to let the other two go and focus all his efforts on you.

When you applied to be a test subject, you weren’t entirely sure what was involved. But in the very first meeting Chris explained what he was working on: making pussies come, and all the ways it could be done.

You were intrigued. So you let him do his first hole inspection there and then. The look in his eyes when he investigated your pussy made you feel alive, and your body wanted him to touch you. He didn’t touch you that first time. He only looked.

Your payment was both in cash and board, and you moved into Chris’s premises within the first week. You spend your time reading, researching, studying, and are just as interested in the experiment as the scientist.

You didn’t know you had these desires inside. The desire to please, submit, endure. You wanted to push your own limits as much as Chris did. You wanted to know how much pleasure-pain you could take.

When the experiments are being conducted you’re submissive and compliant. A good girl letting the scientist(s) probe and play with you.

Outside the experiment, Chris talks you, gets to know you, confides in you. Your relationship has become sexual too, and you often end up in his bed at night.

You aren’t bound to this experiment, you’re not held against your will. You can stop at any time. You can leave at any time.

But you don’t want to. You’re too curious and intrigued, and the pleasure is just too good.

Hope this helps xxx.

Tag list : open

@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @kangnina @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @wolfennracha @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @lurking-coconut @bethanysnow @bubblebisk @openthevale @rylea08 @doyunkang @jabmastersupriseee @stephanieeeyang @comicnerd557 @stellasays45 @shltsnglggles @grandma143 @armystay89 @stays-mya @frozenpeasworld @still-a-stray @jeonginsleftcheek @kpopstuffs @babycheech

[pseudowho]

HII HAITTCCHH !!

Super belated happy mother's day🧎‍♀️💕 I also sincerely hope Mr. Haitch is doing good now :') 🫶

I was scrolling through my gallery the other day and this popped up: (taken by me when I brought him with me to the beach recently 😎)

Then the brainrot began 🤩 Do you think Kento would like a beach wedding? Or maybe just propose during a beach vacay then go for a simple civil wedding?

HOPE UR HAVING A GOOD DAY AND HOPE U LIKE THE PHOTO LOVE U BYEEE 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Hiiiiii!!

Firstly I'm so sorry for the late answer. Secondly, thank you for the Mother's Day wishes mothers 💐❤️ And thirdly...Kento plush visiting the beach makes me feel things 😭

I feel like Kento would love a beach/destination wedding on paper but hate the organisation. I feel like being married, for him, is more about the 'marrying the love of your life' over the wedding day. Equally, if his partner wanted a big wedding, he'd be open to it, to an extent. I don't think the guy is, generally speaking, a frivolous spender. I think he'd make the occasional big spend on something high value (i.e. the watch) but would not love the cash-trap that wedding planning often is.

He'd see it as a dirty capitalistic scheme to take monetary advantage of something that should be fundamentally simple and heartfelt. We know he went into finance because he was depressed and wanted to make quick money, but left because the poor ethics of it was too much to bear.

But a simple beach wedding with only his nearest and dearest, who all organised their own travel because they *want* to be there? Yes. I think he'd be very down for that.

I think he'd propose after soft lovemaking in the middle of the night, when he realises that life is too short to wait to be happy. You'd pick a ring together; a decision made in partnership, like the rest of your lives together after that.

-- Haitch xxx

[itsjaywalkers]

hi my sweet lil buttercup laurie 💕 i have an odd question for you and i need to dig into ur brain and it is a lil nsfw but when it comes to jegulus, how would you see them if one of them worked as a phone sex operator? like who would be the person to make the call and who would be on the other end? like what are your headcanons on this and do you think they'd meet each other irl etc?

hi india my darling angel <333 sorry i didn't reply yesterday, i spent the morning getting tattooed with my sister AND THEN the afternoon and the evening at work.. but i'm finally here and ready to give u anything u want <3

i could see them both being the phone sex operator and viceversa, it all depends on the situation and how u decide to write/portray them!! however, i have a harder time picturing reg calling a sex line, unless it's like . for a bet . and i don't see him agreeing easily to a bet like that yk??

so to me, it'd be reg being a phone sex operator!! probably doing it either to earn some extra cash after he's been disinherited and doing odd jobs OR desperate for money and not wanting to rely on his brother/friends!! i think he was . very awkward at first and had no idea of how to do it, so he had to research/practise a lot and regrettably . ask barty for help, which would result on barty making fun of him until the end of times while also using it as an excuse for them to start hooking up again. but it's okay bc barty does give him really good advice in between it all

after he becomes more comfortable and gets the hang of it, i feel like reg would reply to calls while he's doing other shit around his flat or in his room yk?? he's sporting the most deadpan expression known to mankind while he fake moans in some stranger's ear and reorganises his books. he's unaffected and doesn't really care, this is just his job and he's only focused on doing it well enough to earn money

james would call at some point!! it can be either as a joke, bc of a bet, or even bc he's been broken up with recently and in a bit of a dry spell and just . trying something new bc he saw a leaflet for it or bc someone recommended it. i think he'd be nervous and be awkward during the first call but in a very charming way, and reg would find it endearing + he'd be quite into james' voice (which is the thing that would call his attention in the first place)

i doubt anything would actually happen during the first call!! they'd just talk and tease and banter, until reg realises their time's up and he hasn't given james the services he advertises for. he apologises profusely, offers another try, but james assures him it's completely fine and pays him anyway

next time james calls, it's with the attention to just . speak to reg again . bc he had a lot of fun and he's already a bit obsessed with his accent and how witty he turned out to be, but when reg realises who it is, he's on a Mission to do his fucking job and keep this man from getting him sidetracked

james is little confused about why reg's attitude changed all of a sudden, but after pushing slightly and getting no results, he supposes that he might as well get off to this yk?? it's the reason why he called in the first place, after all

reg starts doing what he always does, waiting for james to get all hot and bothered, except james realises quickly that what reg is saying is very . robotic and script-like and . generic . so it's not doing much for him. he mentions it, they start bickering, which turns into fighting, until reg snaps and retorts with something along the lines of . as if u could do it better etc etc

as u can imagine, james takes it personally

i won't get into a lot of detail, bc this ask is already ridiculously long, but they do end up having phone sex AND getting off. james kinda takes the reins and manages to coax reg out of his shell + finds out about what turns him on along the way. reg finally gets to let go and enjoy this whole phone sex thing and james gets what he was looking for (and more, bc he never expected it to be so into it or find it so hot)

the rest of their calls would go on a similar fashion, even if james is always the one calling and reg always begins their calls trying to . retain control and do his fucking job

and i like to think they'd meet irl at some point??? they move in similar circles, they have sirius in common etc etc. even in a situation in which reg and sirius are completely estranged, sirius could end up reaching during the story, or they find out they live in the same neighbourhood. or, well, as a bartylily stan, i could also see both friend groups coming together (sort of) bc barty and lily start seeing each other. i also think they'd recognise each other by voice alone and have a breakdown about it. i think reg would notice immediately bc of his kink with james' voice and i think james would take a bit longer and be so chill while reg is losing his mind (only on the inside tho). and then reg would say something, like an specific word or . turn of phrase and it'd click for james!! he'd be ecstatic and trying to get reg alone bc this is like . his dream scenario while reg runs away from him lmao

[whatitshouldvebeen]

ik u dont post much ab tcm anymore but... what r ur thoughts on the fact that maria is actually alive and no longer dead like the lore has stated over and over?

I'm actually writing a Johnny thing as you sent this (I slowed down because I have been working on trying to make money ((unsuccessfully))) but I am happy to give my thoughts—

GUN has no idea what they're doing. The entire premise of the game was Maria was taken, I played petals and she got wrecked by a chainsaw. The devs say "oh, it stalled," but LEATHERFACE swinging a CHAINSAW is gonna kill ANYONE even if it does stall. At the very least her head would be split open.

Then there is the whole datamined Maria's dead body before the release of Black Nancy's house and the voice lines of everyone crying about her being dead.

And not to mention the voice lines in game that are said about Maria. Johnny mentions something about how he killed their friend. Cook says he's sorry about their friend. I mean come on, she's dead.

This is a blatant show that GUN has no idea what they're doing. Anyone who cares about the lore, aside from wishful thinking, should know Maria is doobidy-doo-doop-dead.

I think this is the death rattle of GUN showing they have nothing left in the bag and their act of trying to pretend they aren't just looking for a quick cash grab (cough, even Friday the 13th was better, cough) goes down the gutter with adding the mega ultra deadzo Maria to the game.

I *like* Maria by the way, but her story was done, and GUN is shooting yet another hole in their now bullet-ridden foot with this.

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy TCM and save them from the death spiral they're in by hard core focusing on the LORE. But they've shown time and time again that they are lost at sea and with their boat sinking it's only a matter of time before they ram into an iceberg and claim it was some random copyright issue and now they've gotta close down and certainly it wasn't their severe mishandling of the game, oh no!

As an aside, their self-righteousness about any and all criticism, and deleting of any posts on the subreddit that doesnt suck their dick just solidifies my feelings that they don't care about us *or* TCM.

I wish I could save Johnny, especially. He deserves better than this.

[sirmidezz]

Rambo head canons

Except it's just me projecting

-had a hippie faze himself up until he got drafted. After that his entire perspective changed on them.

-calling him a sad shelter dog is a understatement. He is a soggy wet rez dog that trautman found on the side of the road and gave a hot dog to.

-John's sad puppy dog eyes are not only used for looking at things, but also to secretly hypnotize any waiter lady to get free appetizers.

-he can sing he just doesn't want to. (Let this man sing a Johnny Cash song and be prepared to fall in love.)

-knows so many insults but doesn't use them mostly because he is genuinely a nice guy and doesn't like hurting peoples feelings unless the other person deserves a good word with him.

-he can be mean and not think twice about it, but he chooses not to.

-want to watch a movie with him? He will fall asleep as soon as he sits down on the couch.

-hides candy in his sock drawer to feel in control of himself. (Same)

-he buys candy he doesn't even like just to hide it. (Same)

-don't ever ask John for money. He doesn't have anything to provide and will only give you his thoughts n prayers.

-"ur transgener?" John will understand, he doesn't judge anyone. He grew up around 2 spirited people.

-John will never understand a "deez nuts" joke so please dont make them around him he will only look at you confused and stare at you after you make the joke.

-he has a pair of dad glasses he uses to read any letter sent to him. You want to show him a meme? Watch him pull out a pair of glasses and not laugh at the meme.

-he doesn't want a pet but if you get him a pet he will treat the pet like his own baby.

-when he was younger he learned how to hoop dance. He doesn't know how to dance now which is honestly very disappointing. (Same but with another dance😭)

-unironically goes "hehehe" when he gets what he wants like extra jam on his toast.

-has that generational trauma on BOTH sides. (Got hit with a double whammy)

-looks Lana Del Rey, but is actually mitski.

-almost never cries, but when he does someone probably died. Like nothing else but loss (and his talking about his past) can make this man break down nowadays.

-if he were a line in a song it would be, "cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me," (family line by Conan grey)

-if someone sat john down looked him in the eyes, held his hands and said, "your soul needs peace, you need to releive your anger not with violence, but with a gentle breath, allow yourself to feel for one last time." Then he will cry. Like full on ugly cry into your shoulder and let out pained groans and whimpers typa shit.

-he has big parental issues only he distances himself away from everybody he ever gets attached to in fear of being hurt again.

-he craves physical touch, only he gets so uncomfortable when someone hugs him.

-this man can deadlift 300. maybe even more, he can go walking miles without stopping once. hell he is a whole unit, but he will not go to the kitchen to get you a cup of water no matter how much you ask him.

-hates mushrooms.

-had a pet crawdad he accidentally lost. (It's still alive somehow, he just doesn't know it.)

-thugs it out on a daily. 💯💯 (I will pay for his therapy)