#i think i’m stuck bc in my mind it Has to be Perfect

[bitterpngs]

art is so hard

[lains-reality]

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!

[fourstarsoutofnine]

I'm so sorry if you've gotten too many Four requests already, but I SWEAR YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I TRUST ENOUGH TO DO THIS 😭🥺

anyways! i have this scenario in mind: Four working on fixing/making a blade or he's relaxing and he's wearing a sleeveless shirt, so reader gets to see his arms and holy shit there's no way those arms weren't chiseled by the goddesses themselves so reader immediately gets a dumb dreamy smile with heart eyes and all. So while in their very clear admiration and fawning over Four (Four is the only one that hasn't noticed), when the smith approaches them they end up absent mindedly blurting out a very... not so subtle compliment of what they've been looking at on him for a while now. Feel free to decide what happens next.

whether Four and reader are already in a relationship is up to you but i think it'd be funnier if reader just has the biggest crush on him and he had NO idea gshdjshshdjsjdjsj

A/n:I genuinely think yall are mindreaders bc I’ve been wanting to write this too😭I’ve also been thinking about how he’d be literally so buff👁️👁️also thank you so much for entrusting me with this🫡four is one of my favorites and I always enjoy writing for him so don’t worry!

Forge

Four x reader

You don’t know how you ended up in this situation.

Actually, yes you do. You’re just a little foggy. I mean, how could you not be? Hot room, steam coming from the heated weapons dipped into the water….

Your boyfriend standing there working tirelessly, and doing so while looking effortlessly beautiful.

Let’s set the scene. You’re in the forge, in his Hyrule. He was beyond elated to be back in his own forge again. He figured he could finally make a weapon the champion couldn’t break, and it’s exactly what he was attempting to do now. You had a front row seat to the show, too. Blacksmithing always intrigued you, and even more so after you got with the smith himself, so you were more than excited to see him in action. You just didn’t account for how little you’d actually pay attention.

I mean, how could you? You sure tried, but your mind was so full yet so empty at the same time as you watched him work.

You didn’t understand how someone could look so perfect. All you knew was the strength that lay under his skin could only have been put there by the goddesses themselves. You were just delighted to have seen it in your lifetime.

Sweat beaded on his face, seeping into the headband he kept wrapped around him in hopes both hair and sweat wouldn’t fall into his eyes. He raised the mallet in the air and it came crashing down onto the hot metal in what would’ve been a loud bang, but you were too focused on the way he moved to care about it. Everything was muffled around you and it seemed you two could’ve been the only people in the world. Your heart pounded against your chest from either the heat of the fire or the man in front of you, you neither knew nor cared. He was like a song, you determined. The way the strength of his body was the perfect tune to the lyrics of his wonderful mind and soul would be one you could listen to over and over—and the tapestry of beautiful and poetic sentiments you thought of him was one woven so thick you’d be able to sleep under only it during the coldest of winters.

You’d been stuck in your own head about it for so long that you gained a lovesick smile. The thought of being held by him, kissed by him, or Hylia—even spoken to gave you that giddy feeling in your chest, like the butterflies swirling there wanted to fly out the moment you opened your mouth. He’d been watching you for some time, wondering when it was you’d notice he was looking at you. Finally his words broke through.

“Y/n..!” He laughed. “Hey, I’m talking to you..” he tilted his head to look at you with a quirked smile. “You alright..?”

“Huh?? Oh—yeah..” you sunk in on yourself at being caught daydreaming, face blooming a bright red with the blush extending into your ears and neck. “I’m fine…”

“What’s on your mind, dove? Huh?” He rested his cheek in his hand. “What brought out that smile you had earlier?”

Oh goddess, oh jeez— “uhm—uh—it’s-um—“ your words only became more jumbled as his smile got wider. His eyes filled with that same look yours had been only moments ago. He was just as in love. Your brain hit the panic button. You were no longer in control. “You. Your arms. You’re hot.”

His eyes widened and he leaned back in a loud laugh. Your cheeks puffed up and you looked down, embarrassed. When his laughter died down a bit, he walked over to you. “Oh, goodness, I love you.” He stood on his tiptoes and caught you up in a kiss. You melted against him and wrapped your arms around him, kissing back. His snaked around your waist and held you firmly there. When you pulled away he got a mischievous grin. “So my arms, huh?~”

“Oh shut up!” You shoved him away, covering your face. He just kept laughing. It’d be all too fun to tease you in the future, and you knew exactly what you were in for…

You didn’t exactly mind.

[queenxxraccoon]

Speaking of female characters in The Outsiders, what do you all think their clothing styles and personality would be like? Characters we’ve read about or watched in the movie, what kind of depth do you think their characters have? I’ll try to give an idea of what I think. I also will say I don’t like a decent percent of the female characters bc of things they’ve been described to have done. Although Angela is the MVP we love her. @nexternalknowsthingz @thatonetotaldramaguy weigh in on this in curious.

Cherry: A girl a really tries to please both sides, can come off as arrogant and selfish but is forced to go along with what she is told (Socs forcing her to treat Greacers like trash). She although has a fiery side to her and has a big belief in her moral values (stuck up for Ponyboy at the drive in) she’s not perfect but I think she definitely tries and has good heart. 6/10 (God I hate her a lot though 😭)

Clothes:

Marcia: A genuine girl, shes very shy and polite. She can be sassy but also classy. Definitely also defends her friends like Cherry and is a real girls girl. Definitely also keeps out of trouble, she doesn’t trash Greasers but can believe some can be erratic or spontaneous into doing bad behavior. Doesn’t condone it but doesn’t make you feel bad for it. 8/10

Clothes:

Beverly: Now, forgive on this, but haven’t seen the musical so I don’t her personality at all. But she seems like she would take no shit. Think of Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. Very demure, very mindful, but will bust you right up side the head if she thinks you acting up. I can also see her being a bit of a toxic friend who uses people as stepping stones. 3/10

Clothes:

Evie: Steve’s gf. Not much is told about her in both the in the book and movie but let’s be real, she’s dating Steve. (I personally ship Soda and Steve but if we’re going cannon…) I definitely she a loving girl but someone who can PARTYYYY! A friend who would give the most amazing advice, definitely the girl who like knows what you like before you telling her, example:

Evie: “What you want to eat?”

Friend: “Idk I’ve never ate here before.”

Evie: “I bet you’d like (random food and drink combo)

You order it and you fucking love it. She understands ur taste. 10/10

Clothes:

Sylvia: Oooo hold me back I’m gonna beat this girl up. Similar to Beverly but way more toxic and isn’t afraid to show. Bev would work behind backs and in the shadows, but Sylvia would just be a brat and absolutely bitch to your face. She wants to demolish your self esteem. Katy Perry’s song Hot and Cold (idk I don’t listen to Katy Perry lol could be the wrong song name). Like one minute she could be super sweet but then tear you down the next. Constantly keeps you on your toes and gaslights you till you cook

S/O (Prob past Dallas): “Hey I’m leaving to hang out with my friends.”

Sylvia: “You never talked about them, who are they? Where are you going?”

S/O: “I talked about hanging out with them this morning.”

Sylvia: “No you didn’t, stop lying. Maybe you should get your brain checked because you’ve mentioned them before. Are you gonna go cheat on me with them?” Etc. Not a good time, -10/10

Clothes:

Sandy: Well, she’s not good either. Definitely a little spoiled. Would def manipulate Soda into believing he was a bad bf bc he didn’t do one really small thing for her like pull her chair out in a restaurant for her. 😒 Miss literally cheated, got pregnant and left Soda. (Or Soda got her pregnant? Can’t remember lol) But I feel overall she’s very bratty and not fun to be around. 3/10

Clothes:

Angela: This bitch! WE LOVE HER!!!!!!!! Comes in clutch. Someone talking shit about someone she loves, smack to the face. Don’t like the way ur acting, ear gets pulled. She wouldn’t do this unprovoked either, like she would need good reasons. Def a lover to her friends and a fighter to her enemies. I also believe that she’s into exercise or weight lifting. Honestly in my opinion def the energetic on steroids version of Evie. 1000/10

Clothes:

[bluegarners]

2024 Writing Year in Review

tagged by: @blackbatcass & @daringyounggrayson tagging: @hood-ex and @boyfridged and @dustorange if you would also like to play <3

number of stories posted to ao3: eight

word counted posted for last year: 37,211

fandoms i wrote for: dcu, batman all media types, green lantern

pairings: i wrote one jaykyle fic pairing but everything else was platonic

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads: i am going to leave out solar flares in this count bc i only posted one chapter this year (omg i promise to finish it one day, im so sorry)

most kudos: Shoulders, 411 kudos

most bookmarks: Shoulders, 117 kudos

most comment threads: Shoulders, 21 comments

work i’m most proud of (and why): i know i keep talking about it, but Deep Bells is probably the one i am most proud of just because i've never written anything like it before and i think it's one of the very very few fics i've written where i am satisfied with it and am not cringing every time i come across it

BUT

if i had to choose a different one, it would be sleepless, perfect duty because i really liked the frantic dynamic i managed to cultivate and the familiar but deeply intense child anxiety that comes with perfectionism but also the understood oath that batman MUST come before robin at all costs, even if batman doesn't like it and IDK i think this would be the one i would rec to ppl if they wanted to read one of my fics that centers the early days for batman and robin

work i’m least proud of (and why): solar flares... and my reasoning! is that i am sooo stuck on it... i really would love to finish it, to end it in a way that gets the core message across, that wraps it up in a neat bow so that i and all of my sweet readers can enjoy and find satisfying, but for whatever reason that has been the most difficult thing for me. i honestly look back at the entire thing and feel a little shame bc even though i worked so hard on it and for so long and i have so much encouraging support, i just can't help but dislike it in small ways. i hope that 2025 will let me finish it and me happy with it

share or describe a favorite review you received: SO MANY. SO MANY!!! anytime someone leaves a long comment with sections of the fic copied and pasted with their little reactions or commentary, my heart BURSTS WITH JOY!! i have such difficulty believing in myself and my writing, so every specific or detailed comment makes me feel seen and real

if you left a comment or a bookmark with comments, please know you made my year infinitely sweet and more worthwhile. i know that sounds dramatic, but sometimes seeing that number in my inbox is one of the few good things about my day, so i am forever grateful for those of you that choose to spend your time reading and telling me what you thought

a time when writing was really, really hard: even though i did publish eight fics/chapters this year, writing overall was a struggle. i needed some kind of motivator to write, so a majority of the fics i wrote for 2024 were gifts for others. i hope in 2025 i can self-motivate and write things for myself <3

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: it was a gift for @ekleiipsis, but the entirety of Thumbnail was a surprise! i actually had a lot of fun writing jaykyle and i am the kind of fan that has a hard time perceiving any character in a sexual manner or scenario or really any relationships, so writing jason todd (ace king in my head) getting down and dirty (but in a mild way) was actually fascinating and like dissecting a bug... didn't have a clue what i would find but it was a fun experience!

a favourite excerpt of your writing: i think this is mostly recency bias, but in sleepless, perfect duty, there's this scene that honestly came straight from the heart and mind ( i know it's long but i think it's importanttt)

how did you grow as a writer last year: hmmm i think maybe i thought more about the sentences i was writing. i tend to just dive head first into the zone and whatever comes out on the page is usually what stays there, but i remember specifically trying to create certain tones with my sentence structure. not even the words, but how long the sentences were, where i was putting my commas, how often i was moving on from paragraph to paragraph. i still have a long way to go but i think i made some progress

how do you hope to grow this year: i hope i can get better about writing action scenes and complicating plot via action rather than emotion. probably 90% of my writing is all introspection/character emotion driven

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): @mysterycitrus!!! greta's fics and blurbs shared have made me so badly want to improve my writing, it is ridiculous how talented greta is with not only characterizations but in general well-thought out plots and complexity! i feel i struggle with creating and evolving relationships in a story, and greta's stories do them soooo masterfully in my opinion, everyone needs to go read persephone's in hell if they haven't already

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: i don't think so...

any new wisdom you can share with other writers: for new writers, straight up, your first fanfic is probably not going to be super stellar or get many comments, kudos, hits, etc... DONT BE DISCOURAGED BY THAT!!! it is so utterly rare to be amazing right off the bat and it would in fact be really strange if that were to happen. no one gets good instantly, and even as your writing does improve, that unfortunately won't always be recognized by others. everyone has heard this a million times because it's TRUE but things take time and greatness doesn't happen overnight. remember all of the great writers and artists of the past- most of them weren't recognized for their talents until well after their death. don't be discouraged by bad reception. if you love what you do, you have to keep loving it enough to keep doing it

for the writers that are like me and have been writing for years and want to continue writing but sometimes feel too burnt out or uninspired to do so: don't give up. find something new that excites you, be it another fandom, another medium of creativity, or literally anything else in the world. don't feel bad about leaving a fandom you're established in just bc you don't want to disappoint fans of your work. you're allowed to move on or look elsewhere, you don't HAVE to stay. but if you WANT to stay, don't pressure yourself to keep creating content for others to consume just bc that's what you're used to. start doing things you're not used to or just take a break. if you're a writer, go read other fics or published books. if you're an artist, go write something or read other things. the main thing to keep in mind is you're not obligated to do anything ever, ESPECIALLY if it makes you unhappy

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year: solar flares i want to finish (no promises, im sorry </3 ) and there are sooooo many batman and dick!robin fics i want to write, they've been on my mind very often lately. i've talked about some of the ideas i want to put to paper, so hopefully i get on that for the new year!

[tortoisebore]

any tips for new writers?

(btw i am literally in love with hey, sharpshooter it had me up all night reading it <3)

**disclaimer that i am by no means a person that has any actual real education/experience in writing or character work or world building & i can only give you what has worked for me & the things i’ve kept in mind while writing my little gay fanfiction 💞👯‍♀️

my main big picture tips are not backed up in research, they’re just what’s worked for me:

1. make a deeply detailed outline. spending a lot of time writing a very long, detailed outline at the beginning helped me a lot when i felt stuck in the back half of the fic. the outline changed a lot from when i started it, and i added little notes and ideas for scenes or dialogues or character traits along the way, but all of my big idea generation happened there and it helped me a lot with pacing the plot and building the characters and their relationship gradually. also** it was not some sort of technically perfect, structured outline—this is what it looked like:

fr just get all of your ideas down on a page in whatever way works for you. this is the place to word-dump to your heart’s content!!

2. make the first draft bad. fr just get it in the page. if you’re not feeling it or don’t have any specific word choices in your head when you’re writing the first draft, don’t worry about the dialogue being realistic or having perfect flowery metaphors or beautiful descriptive world building. literally just get it on the page in whatever way you can.

3. connect the dots between the type of writing you like to read and what you like to write. i loveee books with flowery prose and metaphors and natural dialogue, and i found that i really enjoyed writing those things, so they were the goals i focused on while i was doing all my editing/second draft writing. on the flip side, if you like to read extensive world-building but find yourself struggling to find motivation/inspiration to write it, don’t. try to write how you want to write, but put more emphasis on writing how you like to write.

4. don’t force it. this has been crucial to me bc i work a 9-5 in the art/design industry and i only have so much creative energy to go around, so i have to ration it carefully. if you try to force yourself to write when you’re really not feeling it, or when you’re out of motivation and frustrated and tired, it will 100% show in your writing.

5. don’t think about posting your work. for 99% of us, this is a hobby. posting your work is not a hobby, creating it is!! rn we exist in a world where people view creativity and art solely as content to be consumed, and i encourage you to place more emphasis on actually enjoying and finding peace and meaning in the journey of making something rather than the idea of other people consuming it. what it does for you and how it makes you feel is far more important than what it does for the people pressuring you for an update you’re not ready to give them.

and then here are a couple technical/grammatical tips that i learned way back in like 6th grade english or picked up on by reading a million books over the years & still think of constantly:

1. vary your sentence structure!! i am sometimes bad at this and i don’t really pay attention to it in my first drafts, but when i go back and edit i make sure to vary my sentences by length, compound vs. simple, breaking up with semicolons or hyphens, etc. a story that’s written with strong, varied sentence types will read much more naturally and flow better than one that doesn’t

2. be intentional about starting your sentences with different words. again, when i’m writing my first drafts i don’t pay much attention to things like this, but when i’m editing i’m really anal about making sure that my sentences don’t all start with “he” or “[insert name here]” or “it” or whatever. sometimes you can’t work around it, but my goal is to never have two consecutive sentences start with the same word, and i really really try to make sure that two consecutive paragraphs don’t start with the same word

3. say your dialogue out loud. i had the hardest time trying to make my dialogue feel natural at the start but honest to god saying it out loud with all the cadence and emphases you’re writing it with can really help you find ways to make it feel like actual people talking. also, don’t be afraid to use ellipses and hyphens and break up a string of dialogue with an action, like a character sighing or biting the inside of their cheek or moving their hands. people don’t talk in perfectly-structured sentences. we run-on and don’t use punctuation and we restart or hesitate in the middle of a sentence—include that!!

[v3nusxsky]

hey! :) im basically copy n pasting from my original request i hope that’s okay!!

could i request a smut of emily (cm) and a nonbinary (female body) reader who uses they/them pronouns? and it’s reader’s first time with someone sexually (bc they have body insecurities and never felt comfortable with anyone else - feel free to change that though!) and Emily just takes lead and spoils them! also reader has a mommy / praise kink n overstim ;)) dom Emily and sub reader if that wasn’t clear!

Princess Treatment 18+

*Authors note~ happy birthday to my darling girlfriend @just-your-casual-nerd !!!! I hope you're feeling 22 ;) a gift as simple as choosing your own Kinktober fic as we can celebrate in December.*

Authors note 2~ I kinda don’t like this and I’ve never wrote for gn r before so I’m sorry for my mistakes

Trigger warnings~ praise kink overstimulation kink dom Emily sub r gn (afab) r body confidence issues body worship oral sex sex toys

Prompt~ see ask^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Perfect is always such a strange concept for you. Really what is perfect? Just like the concept of normal. What would qualify? These questions were constantly swirling around your mind, but you were sure you didn't fit the answer for any of them. It's always so hard to see the models and celebrities, hell even the strangers on the street because to you, you didn't even come anywhere near close to them. And perhaps you never would. A fact you'd gotten use to, not really sure where you fit or in what box which had lead to deep rooted insecurities that would bubble away inside your heart and mind.

Emily, healed the pain in your heart. Especially on the bad days. She never pushed or got mad if you couldn't decide what felt you. Right even. Instead she'd sit with you and be your listening ear, guiding you through the waters of emotions that seemed to submerge you that day. Being Emily's partner was truly something you would've only thought could exist in dreams.

On the good and the bad days she was there, never asking for anything more than you were offering, and that helped for a while, but soon the fears of her getting bored by the lack of sex crept upon you. That's when you decided to work on feeling better, to be brave and attempt to make love to your girlfriend of almost a year. She was patient with you, only ever wanting your happiness even if that meant you never felt comfortable enough for her to touch you, it didn't matter, because she loves you for your heart and not just your body.

Today, Emily noted you were feeling a little more on the feminine sides of things, you would smile if she accidentally called you princess or her sweet girl, rather than recoil from those pet names and timidly inform her that today that just felt so wrong. And of course she respected your feelings and mostly stuck to gender neutral terms of endearments like "love, darling, sweetheart and baby." But today was the day, you wanted to finally let Emily have you, and for you to have her. To be finally one.

It all started with some drinks with the BAU to gain some courage before you started to get a little handy with the Agent. "My darling? Are you okay?" She whispered causing you to whimper and inform her you wished to hide in her neck. A small chuckle came from the woman as she resumed her conversation with Garcia and JJ. Soon enough you got bolder, simple kisses placed to her pulse point on her neck. The pure feeling and shock of the sensation had the dark haired woman choking on her drink. "My love" she murmured causing you to peak out from your hiding spot. "Mmm" you murmured, pupils dilating indicating to the profiler just what you wanted. "Are you alright?" Garcia was quick to ask you both. "We are okay arent we love? I just think they need to get some rest now, isn't that right baby?"

Following along with Emily's plan you bid your goodbyes, pleased at how everyone respected your pronouns of they/them, despite the slightly more feminine attire. "Emily" you whimpered on the drive back to your flat, you couldn't quite understand how you'd manage to survive so long without her touch. "Shush baby, almost back so you can change out of the clothes okay?" Change? No, she misread your signs, a slightly frustrated sigh left you. "I want to be yours properly not change" you whined quietly a beautiful blush covering your cheeks now.  Oh, the agent hadn't even considered that's what you were after, after all it wasn't uncommon for you to bestow kisses like you had in order to leave situations and keep up the pretence that you'd very much made love. "Okay my love, if your sure you want that. I want you to feel good sweetheart okay?"

That was how you found yourself, back up against the wall, as her lips roamed the smooth skin of your neck, biting sucking and kissing along their travels, Emily's hands trailing over your body as she murmured compliments for you. The woman had you feeling so good you couldn't wait for her to touch your bare skin. In fact you weren't below begging for it despite how much you didn't like your body, seeing Emily enjoying herself made you want, no need more. "Please Em, want you to feel good" you whimpered as she harshly sucked a nice sized hickey on your pulse point. "Oh darling, I feel fucking fantastic, let me please you? Please? I just wanna watch you so blissed out by my own hands. My perfect lover."

That was how you found yourself stripped bare on the bed, the self conscious feelings eating away at you now. But she chased them away. Hands and lips mapping your body as she spewed praise at every opportunity she could. "Please" you whined, now too far gone to care, just needing her. "Okay baby, just say the word purple and we stop okay?" She murmured and you nodded instantly. "I need words sweetheart" she chuckled still caressing your body. "Yes I will just for the love of god Em."

Emily's mouth was like no other, you weren't a virgin by any means, and you had your fair share of toys, after all you were human. But this with her was heavenly. Your own insecurities way to far gone to prevent you cumming on her tongue embarrassingly quick. "So good, you taste so good my pretty princess, so so sweet for me. My good baby" she praised licking her lips as you allowed your breathing to regulate, the brain function to be self conscious had been fucked away well and truly. "More?" You whimpered causing Emily's eyes to sparkle with delight. "Of course my lover. Anything for you my love, so Damn perfect; doing exactly as your told aren't you love?"

From here Emily introduced you to her toys, some were vibrators for your clit other dildos including a wireless controlled one, and did she enjoy telling you just how she planned to use it in you. Buy your favourite had to be her cum filled strap. Not something you were ready for, but the idea of soon was fuelling your intense arousal. Emily had you cum again for her by using her little clit vibrating toy, until you were screaming her name and your juices gushing from your core.

In the foggy haze you realised she hadn't cum, you hadn't touched her, yet she informed you that tonight's just for you. Her special love, and you can always touch her at a later date, right now she wants you to feel loved, wanted and so special. That's exactly how you felt falling asleep on her chest minutes after she finished cleaning you up and giving you some water. For once your insecurities were silent.

Word count~ 1314

Tag list

[joonkorre]

finished s3e7. absolute banger of an episode, said even more "wtf"s than last time but the tension throughout and how it tied everything up gave me the same high as s2 did. so spoilers (the way i just put everything out there for the previous episode reviews???? fandom etiquette where omg im so sorry to the 3 people who may be seeing this)

idek where they were going w chiyoh. like ok yall give me 2 east asian ladies, 1 died to propel will's drive for vengeance and 1 has some mysterious motivation that explains nothing that she does. the only thing she got going on is her steadfast sense of morality, which kept her from being manipulated by will (who's trying to convince himself that anyone can be primed by hannibal and is using the same tricks on her, poor thing) and let her focus on her goals, whatever tf they are. like good for her but.... what does she actually want???? whatever at least she looks cool.

the painting behind mason is so… ugh just in case the audience keke too much over his jokes and forget the type of mf he is lmao. and the surrogate convo between the verger siblings is so so fucking chilling dude I knew I KNEW right away what margot’s gonna find and it sent chills up my spine dude

I like how hannibal is unfazed by literally everything and discusses his being cooked and eaten with gusto and dare I say it, excitement. and I like how after a season of chasing after hannibal, that final betrayal of nearly getting his head cut open just made will so done w everything. did a complete 180. “you’re gonna eat him... w my face” and how he looks at hannibal and cordell as they talk….. get him out !!!!!

also: cordell. love his character. the perfect goon.

mason and his shitty fucking jokes. and just in case anybody wants to deny the homoerotic undertone of hannigram, let’s throw in that guy who ate his friend’s dick. lovely dinner topics.

loveeeeee that will bit out a chunk of cordell’s face and just how proud hannibal is in that moment. will just wants to get his lick back one last time, while hannibal’s still stuck in delulu land w/ them getting tortured + dying together, and takes will’s action as him being hannibal’s equal. he thinks they’re still friends/together and it’s soooooo funny

the branding scene + hannibal being tied up like a pig???? big day for subby painslut piggy hannibal truthers. I’m cheering for yall from the sidelines <3

the marlana + hannibal convo and him being broken free….. cinema. CINEMAAAA

the pig. good god the pig. knowing it’s coming didn’t prepare me for actually seeing it at all. and the fact that mason STILL mocked and denied margot of this one thing in this manner. god. the intercutting scenes of marlana getting the baby out + face off surgery are just chef’s kiss. so well edited that I genuinely believed will was done for like omg I woulda passed out if it’s not for mason’s face reveal. LOVE all the blood

white knight hannibal bridal carrying damsel in distress will???? don’t mind if I do 😋😋😋

marlana killing mason scene!!! margot w/ that fit, that hair, that shaky devastated enraged voice, and the tear-streaked mascara running down her face gives just the perfect level of drama. perfect killing-your-abusive-brother look. and the way they had time for hannibal to prostate milk mason ????? alana holding up a tube of sperm while the show censors the shit out of everything is so ?????? and yes YES CHEKOV’S EEL. after all the bj jokes of course he’d have to die that way. OF COURSE. although idk how they’re gonna have that baby but ig we’ll find out...

hannibal + chiyoh behind that window like they’re in a periodic table…. and hannibal moving toward that area between iron and silver…. CINEMAAAAAA

I see the teacup breaking as hannigram’s relationship + will’s becoming, esp since it’s superimposed over will’s head. bc it’s in his head, he’s making the logical leap to end hannibal’s hold over him, end whatever mania he was caught up in while trying to bait/chase hannibal. it’s done. read on reddit that hannibal’s notes full of physics equations may represent hannibal trying to calculate how the cup can feasibly come back together again or how he can turn back time to repair their relationship (both might as well mean the same thing). it can also represent the end of hannibal’s whimsy. they’re done touring the world and visiting museums and playing mindgames according to hannibal’s puppeteering. now they’re back in the wolf trap, back in the real world, where broken cups don’t mend themselves, where will decides that he wants nothing to do w hannibal and his whimsy anymore. they’re done.

I love how the season could’ve ended here as will guts hannibal the same way hannibal gutted will in s2: with surgical precision. he knows hannibal cares not for his life or death, and causing bodily harm upon him will only delight him more. so will goes for the heart. he knows himself well enough now to assert that he may tolerate killing, but he doesn’t have hannibal’s appetite. he won’t be hannibal’s pet nor friend. by exiling and forgetting him, will puts himself above hannibal as a god, and hannibal is helpless in his worship. he can do nothing but retreat as his offerings are rejected. and by god I’ve never seen him so completely hurt and devastated before. absolutely nothing has ever illicit such a reaction from him until will. jfc I HATE GAY PEOPLE WHY CANT YALL JUST BREAK UP NORMALLY

that was a good godfather II reference tho like omg

where the FAWK are will’s dogs. where’s my bby winston ????

love that jack’s back w the fbi !!!! will coming out and saying hannibal’s gone only for the little shit to emerge from the back like haiiiiiiii :3 girl UGH ik will was sick to his stomach likeeee

I cannot stop thinking about how it’s dark out at god knows what time. how hannibal sat behind will’s house in the snow like a stray dog recently abandoned by its newest benefactor and it can’t bring itself to leave, it won’t ever leave (girl don’t even get me started on that…. it will come back by hozier already got me in a chokehold). waiting for jack to arrive and turning himself in, denying jack the pleasure of actually subduing and capturing him. freeing chiyoh from her prison ig. AND getting his lick back at will. “I want you to know exactly where I am. and where you can always find me.” + the pettiest bitchiest look ever. it’s a pathetic, lowly declaration of bullheaded love born from spite, making sure will can never truly forget him and has to live w the knowledge of his location/fate in the back of his head. knowing full well will can’t help himself and are prolly gonna go find hannibal. once again I HATE GAY PEOPLE

jack looking at will w that smile/grimace on his face. I take it as him knowing that this is just another lovers’ tiff btwn hannigram and he’s basically an accessory to that lmao

100/10. once again a banger of an episode.

[evansbby]

OK so here is my dilemma

Basically everyone here knows that I’m really sad that I don’t have a boyfriend and have honestly never had a real true serious boyfriend.

And I always discuss this with my friends because I’m trying to figure out WHY like is there something wrong with me??? Am I seriously unattractive to men??

So I asked my friend and she obviously was like “no you’re hot” but she’s my friend so ofc she will say that. But then she asked two men she’s friends with, whilst I wasn’t there, and they said (about me) “No she’s hot but we’d be scared to ask her out because we know she’d say no.”

Which like… yeah OK I would say no to them because they’re lowkey not good looking BUTTTT WHAT THE FUCK??? And another one of my friends also told me this, she said men are not asking me out because hot girls are too unapproachable and men can’t stand being rejected and embarrassed in this day and age.

And another one of my friends HAS told me to be more open-minded and lower my standards but I just can’t you guys. Because unlike my friends, I grew up literally so IMMERSED in the world of fanfictions and the perfect man that I’m still just waiting for that to happen in real life 🥺

Anyways back to me being unapproachable. Maybe this is true because I remember once a guy told me verbatim: “you look like a total bitch and that’s hot” AND even that at the time lowkey hurt my feelings bc wdym BITCH?!? I am not a bitch!

But lately I’ve been thinking… I can’t help the character I am outwardly. Because I used to be so shy back in school and because of that people used to be so condescending to me. Fast forward now and I find that I’m super confident ON THE OUTSIDE bc we all know confidence is lowkey just an act. But anyways I’m acting confident to the point where people are intimidated by me 😭 not everyone, but a few people I can just tell they are.

Like once I remember back when I was a waitress, one of my coworkers was sat where I usually sit during lunch (but anyone can sit there) and she saw me coming and literally GASPED and apologised and moved 😭😭 LIKE??? Ofc I told her girl pls sit back down it’s not my seat!! But wtf!!! IS THIS HOW PEOPLE SEE ME!

Similarly recently in my current job, one of the girls was sitting where I usually sit and when she saw me coming she also apologised and moved 😭😭 despite the fact that anyone is allowed to sit anywhere 😂😭

ANYWAYS my point is… DO MEN THINK I AM STUCK UP?? I assure you I’m not but idk how to make THEM understand that???

And OK this is weird but my friend said to me “I’m not as pretty as you but guys go for me because I let them know I’m interested” and ok first of all she did not have to put herself down like that!!! I hate when people put themselves down but also… I AM SO SCARED OF REJECTION THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO LET THEM KNOW I AM INTERESTED!

I feel like I’m rambling at this point but my point is… have I just built up this whole confidence around myself and now it’s come back to bite me in the ass because no man even tries to approach me now???

And before anyone accuses me of being vain, I am now trying out this thing where I don’t say anything self deprecating about my looks because it doesn’t do anyone any good to say those things. Also I work very hard on my appearance, I put in a lot of effort every day. And I’ve gone through my whole life thinking I wasn’t pretty, wanting to be white back in school because that was the beauty standard and the boys only seemed to find the white girls pretty. So yes now I will say that yes I do think I’m pretty because honestly realistically… yes I am.

BUT THE POINT IS THAT have I built up my confidence so much that now men are too intimidated or scared to ask me out??? If so what do I do??! I don’t want to change myself but how do I make myself more approachable??? I’ve already asked my friends but I need to ask more people. I wish I had guy friends to ask but I do not LMFAO. SO TELL ME WHAT IS THE SOLUTION

[j2zara]

Things I’ve been thinking abt bc it’s late and ive been exhausted to talk but have been a little too shy to bring to chat but honestly might later:

Reincarnation au specifically where they’re teachers at Aguefort. just bc I think it would be funny that. Like to me in text Ellie fell first but j3 fell harder so I just think it would be funny if at first Ellie kinda thought j3 was obnoxious and didn’t rly like him but also couldn’t deny he was kinda hot and that she’s into him. Meanwhile j3 is immediately into her so he’s being kinda flirty but also clearly also admires her on a professional level too

Reincarnation au pt 2 bc in this universe Ellie is the one that is jacecoded and j3 is Portercoded in that j3 is immediately kind of Taken with Ellie meanwhile she’s being kinda avoidant and coy bc she’s like? This guy is my colleague and he’s trying to chat me up?? the nerve?? (She’s definitely kinda flattered) but also j3 is kinda torn bc he can and would normally want to float something casual bc that’s usually what he’s into but also he does really kinda like her…

Like in Ellie’s mind he’s just trying to get into her pants meanwhile he’s like. I’m trying to be cool but I want to be with her

They eventually do hook up after a lot of pent up sexual tension (esp bc ellie is annoyed by how Into Him she really is) and it is very barbarian teacher x sorcery teacher being an obvious thing even tho they’re trying to not tip anyone off but the staff is like chuckles we’re in danger… and Ellie in her mind is like this is casual! It is better to not get too attached bc I am a weirdo freak trying to con Aguefort into giving up all the research on reincarnation and on the hunt for some long lost Thing I can’t even really articulate. Meanwhile j3 in his head is like. We’re dating :)

It’s a little torment nexus 7 Jaces thesis coded bc Ellie is looking past j3 a little bc she’s like. Obsessed w this vague idealistic concept of the past and this person that she lost that is Right Here. There’s like. Grief that j3 feels from her which is so strange bc he’s right here! but also I do think they escape the torment nexus they can transcend jaceporter bc when Ellie realizes this has been j3 the whole time it’s like!!!! You’ve always been enough you will always be enough there is no glorious past and to love someone is to watch a million births of the person they’re becoming

I also think there’s a version of reincarnation au where Ellie is an adventurer and she’s genuinely out in the world trying to find j2 and j3 could be very fun. But like. While she’s on an adventure the party needs a sorcerer for hire and it’s j33333333 but she doesn’t recognize him immediately like she thought she would! But they get to know each other on this like quest and fall for each other a second time and she even saves him a couple times and he’s like. Kinda heart eyes about her over it. And sure he does fuck around with her party a bit and hurt her feelings. But also. What if they cuddled for warmth :3

Ok. Away from reincarnation au. Listen we’ve talked abt creeper j2 and even creeper Jace but I think we need to get into Creeper Ellie or something. Something something where she watches j3porter get it on but it could be they know abt it or they don’t idk

I won’t lie a part of this is bc. There’s that line in stay / leave abt her jerking it in the bathroom to thoughts abt j3 later and I am still thinking abt that bc I do think she’s done it before more than once tbh I am compelled by Ellie kinda having a crush on j3 before they’re ever really a Thing

Obviously I’m still stuck on LJ3porter toxic solesian play coded threesome in LSOP. Where j4 is like I want to take you Porter but can’t you let j3 stretch me out so that it’s perfect and I’m ready to take you < 3. Excuse to machinate getting topped by j3 in LSOP

LJ3 Vegas wedding (or Vegas-proxy wedding). There’s so many variations on this that could be fun, one version I think is sweet is the Monica x Chandler version where they’re together and they love each other and haven’t been thinking that much abt getting married but are desperately looking for a Sign they should just Go For It but also are so scared.

The other version of this is that they’re. Like. Not together like they’re in their FWB era or something but they get drunk and wanna do something. Stupid. But also. Was this just an excuse for them to go for something they wanted to do and were scared to look at sober? Maybe

[homeless202]

I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~

I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?

first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question

i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.

TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)

deep dive under the cut as to why

-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?

i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.

-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?

this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.

when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.

think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.

and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).

-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??

this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).

what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)

they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.

...however...

this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)

and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):

so...

<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.

-

since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)

he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.

-

<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).

-

with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)

see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T

-

to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)

note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.

note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.

-> Romance in No Home?

another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.

from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk

when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.

exhibit A:

HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.

exhibit B:

here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.

exhibit C:

this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> what do i think?

first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).

as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.

there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.

technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)

<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.

all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.

[luckydicekirby]

erin hasn’t read jade legacy yet and i have 700 pages worth of Opinions about it and you can’t put stuff under a cut in tweets so i am finally returning to “posting on tumblr”

this book did not fully work for me! and i am really chewing on why. I enjoyed reading it, and it made me cry several times, but it felt structurally disconnected and didn’t really come together for me like, Thematically. the ending was just kind of eh. points for ending on bero and the twice lucky, because i’m a simple woman i love a good bookend, but it feels really weird that the end was basically like “well, we won bc our family likes each other and the mountain all hates each other” guys your family is a nightmare!!!!!!!! 

on some level I think I had expectations the book ultimately wasn’t interested in fulfilling so I’m not a super fair judge--my called shot for this book was that niko was going to kill hilo for murdering his mom, or that at least that was going to be a major point of contention between them. at a certain point it became obvious this was not the direction we were going in, which is fine, but eyni’s murder was SUCH a great momentous “oh shit” moment in jade war and I feel like we never fully followed up on it--it makes perfect sense that hilo would see it as necessary and like it was the right thing to do, because he’s a freak and he sucks (affectionate), but we barely get to see niko react to it as an adult. like I really thought we were going to get a moment in jade legacy that was like, hey hilo, turns out you cannot just kill your nephew’s mom and kidnap him as a toddler without consequences, but I guess......you can? i feel like we missed out on sooo much meaty crunchy stuff in this vein.

also this should have been at least two or three books. I was excited about the time skips, because I wanted to see the kids as adults, but a lot of specific moments had to get skimmed over to fit everything in, and the kids kind of got the shaft as far as characterization--we get the most interesting character stuff with niko, and he barely has any POV! I liked what we got of Ru (and his death made me cry like a baby), but jaya was cool but completely flat. my mind palace ideal structure is like. one book still centered on the adults while the kids are growing up, and then one book centered on the adult kids where we actually get to dig deep into their character stuff/their relationships with each other. 

anyway, stray thoughts:

making anden and lott narrative foils but then not having them get together honestly kind of a power move. i kind of respect it. my read is that lott is gay but decided he would never be able to be out and be the horn, and stuck to that. which WOULD sure make him feel real weird about anden!

shae/ayt mada real and no one can convince me otherwise. they both tried to kill each other they both saved each other’s lives that is romance baybee

i did really enjoy the continuing bero throughline/his ultimate insignificance, and inability to even MAKE himself significant by confessing to lan’s murder to niko. that scene was so good. 

it feels like all the interesting thematic stuff in this book was coming together in the wake of Ru’s death, and then it all had to get dropped bc we were once again at like, “uh oh mountain’s gonna take over”. like no go back i want to talk more about senseless death and about how vital it is to die for a cause as a green bone but ultimately lan’s death was also a senseless accident and hilo HAS ALWAYS KNOWN THAT AND ALWAYS LIED ABOUT IT AND THAT’S THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE WAR!!! CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT!!

2 black 2 green made me lose it. 

anyway i AM staring at my hands like is it just that i’m a slut for tragedy and wanted a worse ending to this book where like five major characters died....am EYE the problem for wanting this family to be irrevocably broken...am i too successionpilled.....

[zorosdimples]

current rot as an mtv cribs episode bc im also alone and procrastinating: in this room, you’ll see kiba going feral (literally) and lurching for me on sight after being teased; here, this is where laios just got hit with sex pollen and caught me touching myself (sometimes the feral seeps into other rooms, ive been trying keep the windows open to air it out); over there, geto and gojo keep whispering to each other, but they’re like house spiders in the corner: they haven’t done anything—yet; finally, this is my OC’s room, it’s kept under lock for his safety and everyone else’s, and he just found out I’ve been kidnapped and is leaving a trail of corpses behind him to get to me. this oc has also started in a Star Wars AU where the hilt of a lightsaber was used as a vibrator for interrogation purposes 🙂‍↕️ (im sorry if this is awkward and a lot lmao)

sav this ask was a wild ride and i was hanging onto your every word. i’m afraid that i can’t touch every single point, as there are two main sentiments that stuck out to me: laios sex pollen and vibrating lightsaber hilt.

does your kidnapping have to do with the star wars au (and the not-sex-toy-sex-toy)? if not, would you mind explaining both aus separately? and who is your oc? also, i really must know more about the use of the lightsaber hilt… who was it used on? what kind of information was being extracted? i have so many questions, but that’s a solid start i think.

moving onto laios sex pollen: it might be the trope of all time for him. some monster striking you both with an unanticipated aphrodisiac that you must worth through—if not initially, then inevitably—together. it’s the perfect amount of primal instinct play, forced proximity, and (essentially) drugging. he’s such a virgin, but he knows things, of course, and he’s so eager and curious and ready to learn using your body…

now i’m thinking about him begging you for a “live demonstration” because he wants to know how to touch you and you’re both insanely turned on by it… that doesn’t have really anything to do with the sex pollen (or it could! the world is our oyster) but YEAH!

[newathens]

please write the book. or at least a in-depth post bcs i’m deeply curious.

so like I’ll go on and on for a second cause i need to get it off my chest because im so upset right now but know that im saying this through a lens of mental illness and pessimism and i don’t think u should take it as valid cause it’s borderline mean. im sure if i was more ‘healed’ or whatever i wouldn’t think like this but anyway

i don’t think we as a society are striving for weight loss anymore i think we as a society are striving for beauty. and i say this well aware of the current weight loss renaissance we’re in right now.

here’s the thing. u don’t need to be skinny to be pretty. there are bigger women who are drop dead gorgeous. but the thing is u have to have the right face and shape to pull off being bigger. and everybody gets so caught up in losing weight because that’s what’s drilled into us when in reality a decent chunk of people don’t need to do that. i have a theory that everyone has a size that they look best at and skinny is not that size for everyone. Sometimes, skinny looks worse

and there isn’t even just skinny or fat. there’s skinny, lean, muscular, athletic, defined, soft, pudgy, boxy, etc etc etc

And from what i have observed people get stuck on going after one body type when actually there are certain things that society has deemed unattractive across all body types and that’s where the problems come up. Highly desirable traits right now are a toned lower abdomen, a defined jawline, high brows, the cute upward curved nose but those i would view as stereotypical beauty at this point. Like Botox beauty

In my view, a heart shape face can get away with a soft jawline, hooked noses should not be touched, if you’re midsize a small apron belly is totally fine because most of the time it’s all complimenting that specific type of beauty category you are in. And sometimes fucking with that makes you look worse

for example, myself, i feel i am a mixture of all undesirable traits. My jaw is not defined, and i have an apron belly, and yes i am a bigger girl but im the WRONG type of bigger girl. Society likes a bigger girl that has a flatter tummy. She doesn’t have to be an hourglass shape, but her stomach definitely isn’t sagging. I refer to these ideal bigger girls as hidden muscle fat. She’s fat, but due to the muscle she has a shape that is an echo of lean

And i know i said wrong type of bigger girl but im actually going to contradict and say that you also can be a bigger with with a flat but and an apron belly, as long as that is the shape that compliments your specific body. Because there are women that have everything i have who are also drop dead gorgeous. And to me there’s like no debating this, i can tell within like a minute whether a body type is meant for someone or not that’s how much im analyzing 24/7

like im not gonna tell a bigger girl with evenly distributed fat and a heart shaped face to lose weight because she’s brilliant as is. She’s fitting the standard of one of many different beauty categories. im not going to tell a midsize girl who is in the perfect position to tone up to lose weight, because making herself skinnier may make her look worse in the long run actually

i feel like what we’ve always done is say get smaller and u will look better. Well no, that’s actually not the case. This explanation is a mess but are u getting weird way my mind works

i assumed u were curious abt my tags but i can always go on about body image and society separately another time

[hurrakka]

Hi! Artist here

Was wondering if you’d be willing to share how you make your comics. I’m very fond of how expressive they are, and it is crazy to me how fast you make them and such. Totally understand if you don’t though! You’re work is awesome! :D

Oh hehe *twirls nonexistent hair* ty <333 tho thinking Im fast is giving me too much credit bc I coulda sworn Im slow as balls! Ngl I haven't made these much comics since 2019??? RE (esp 6) was just the lil push I need to get back in the groove of things. So anyway here's a scuffed explanation of my process. Like all of my art, I'd begin making small thumbnails, general layouts, panel placements etc. But since these are comics, I have to make a script for the dialogue so I can allot the placement of speech bubbles as they are important to the composition (also I'm kinda terrible at dialogue in general so it's best to prepare it instead of writing them on the spot, after the comic's done)

Yes, this chickenscratch is how I visualize things. (1st one is 'Nick Startled the Witch' 2nd is 'Sasha Yeets Leon Off Roof' and 3rd is 'Jerma Vengaboys') To ensure clarity even at a glance or when I'm not wearing glasses. Sometimes whenever I read comics or manga, I have a hard time processing things (call it a skill issue sure) so keeping this in mind I want things to be easy on the eyes, make the elements flow naturally as you read. Something something golden ratio ohmygodisthatamotherfuckinjojoref- Okay ngl, there may be some merit to my speed in making these. Not all panels need to be perfect, so you don't have to spend every waking hour on every single detail. So only detail parts that you want people to look at the most. I remember someone once mentioned that you can get away w/ easy comics if the faces are drawn really well, esp when it's dialogue heavy.

Also that one phrase from DDLC "If your pen is stuck in one spot, it'll leave a splotch of ink" smthin like that, yea I apply that to art as well. Saves a lot of time! And for the expressive part, I mostly rely on physical/slapstick humor. The Jerma Vengaboys comic was a test to myself if I can still pull it off or improve upon it. My main inspo when making these comics, is isismasshiro on deviantart. They have so much comics, all portraying characters in a Tom and Jerry-like scenarios, hold on I'll grab some of my fav panels from them.

These ones, and others have stuck with me from high school until now. That's how you know a composition is so good, and I try to set myself to that standard (emphasis on trying sfgkheg). The influence their art has on me is clear as day in the Jerma Vengaboys comic lol Anyways, really glad you like my stuff :] and thank you for the interest in my process. Sure I have a lot to explain, but I either don't wanna make this longer than it should be or some of the info I may forget.

[aranarumei]

10 17 24 I think was the last one. hi kiri Ask game :)

ask me something from this list?

putting these answers under a cut bc it got long

10: what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

okay I need to do some research for this one. I think this question means to ask, like, how long I’ve just… not worked on something before coming back to it and completing it? and that’s different from “how long have you worked on a project” which is… also a bit hard to determine. I’ll just note some interesting spans of time, then. my current WIP has existed in some form since October of 2021, which is fun. I’ve definitely spent a good 6 months not touching it in the slightest, maybe longer during the early years, but I’ve not finished this one yet. I am committed to completing this, though. it’s just a fic that takes and deserves a lot of work. apart from that, I’ve been writing vague scenes related to freed & laxus’s relationship, and snippet #4 was written 2 whole years after snippet #3. so I’m definitely someone who can return to old ideas… especially around 2021 and forward, my style hasn’t deviated enough for me to really never want to return back to any of it. so I tend to add to fics I haven’t touched in a long time. my ideas usually just hang in unpublished limbo for years, sadly. most of it will probably never see the light of day even though I like it. I’m trying to get more comfortable just posting scenes with little context, but it’s tough.

as for published stuff, for “bloom” I wrote the first scene in September of 2019, and then started working on it again in September 2020, which is when I then posted it.

17: talk about your writing and editing process

oh boy… how do I talk about this. I’m unsure even how to describe any of it.

like titles, I think my fic ideas stem from two places: the “point” and “concept” at hand. sometimes I’ll think “oh, this situation would be really fun to explore” (like, hanzawa showing up in the case files of jeweler richard) and work from there to figure out what the main idea of that story would look like (okay, so I think this would lead into discussing how hanzawa puts up a façade, and seigi’s influence would change him in a way that is impactful yet minimal enough to work for merging both canons), and sometimes I’ll think “oh, I really want to express this aspect of a story / character” (I want to write about what interests me regarding hanzawa and tashiro’s relationship) and have to figure out how to get there (I can have them discuss hanzawa’s dyed hair during club practice, and expand that out into various musings).

these usually start out with me just like… writing a scene, if I’ve got a vision of one in mind, but some just start out with like. a topic sentence. it depends how clear I am on what I’m doing. These days I outline more often, so I tend to hash out the concept alone or with a friend, collecting various ideas for how I might expand on whatever I initially thought, so it can actually be a complete piece of work. I first start by outlining various “scenes” or “moments” I think would work, and then I try to break it down into way more detail and build stuff out. for longer things, I might have extra notes just analyzing various parts of the piece.

writing is usually just pretty much… sitting down and doing it. I tend to write scene by scene, and write later scenes only when it’s like, I’ve got a perfect vision of how it’ll go and have to write it down. so I can have snippets of stuff that shows up later, but it’s not usually intentional. for fics where I have a detailed outline of bullet points, I stick that section of the outline in my draft and write while going through each bulleted point. delete a bullet point every time I complete that bit, until I’m done with the scene.

I edit a bit as I go, but to not get too stuck, if I’m struggling for words I tend to put that bit in square brackets [like so]. when I edit, I usually ctrl+f for these square brackets and try to address any notes I might’ve written down. then I like to just read through it and either mark it up as I go or just fix it as I go. it depends on the level of work something might need. I edit scene by scene, though when I edit is up to when I feel like it. sometimes it’s just at the end, or other times I write a scene, edit the scene, and then write the next one. if I can, I’ll sometimes get someone else to read over a scene, especially if I feel unsure about the direction.

lastly, I like to sleep or rest my eyes before doing a final check for grammar, spelling, and formatting. in general I like to try and have “fresh eyes” while editing!

24: how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

…do I? I feel like I almost always want to write and want to be creative. Usually it’s life that’s hampering me. but there’s definitely times when words feel beyond me. I usually just sleep, or I try to switch formats… instead of prose, why not bullet point my way through it first? or talk through it and just vocalize all the dialogue? or I switch to handwriting text, or I change the font so what I’m working on looks visually different to before. I think that helps the work feel less stale. I also love talking to other people, because that makes me get a bit of external motivation.