#i think i made a version where i added all the languages i know so i can just look at posts i dint understand so i can stay happy

[turnedpalefromlackofsun]

>go on twitter

>Twitter people spouting "freedom is the right of all sentient beings"

That includes people you don't like guys💀

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Where Will All The Martyrs Go [Chapter 5: Heads Or Tails, Fairy Tales In My Mind]

Series summary: In the midst of the zombie apocalypse, both you and Aemond (and your respective travel companions) find yourselves headed for the West Coast. It’s the 2024 version of the Oregon Trail, but with less dysentery and more undead antagonists. Watch out for snakes! 😉🐍

Series warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), violence, bodily injury, med school Aemond, character deaths, nature, drinking, smoking, drugs, Adventures With Aegon™️, pregnancy and childbirth, the U.S. Navy, road trip vibes, RIP Jace.

Series title is a lyric from: “Letterbomb” by Green Day.

Chapter title is a lyric from: “Are We The Waiting” by Green Day.

Word count: 5.8k

💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist 🥰

“I know he has a scalpel in his bag,” Baela says, meaning Aemond. You are sitting with her on the front steps of a two-story house—1970s construction, split foyer, pale blue siding and rust-red bricks—on Trux Street in Plymouth, Ohio. This town was named for the place where the pilgrims stepped off the Mayflower over four hundred years ago, pioneers who crossed through the doorway of an unfathomably changing world to die of disease, cold, accidents, starvation, violence. You wonder if you are so unlike them. “He’s assisted with c-sections before, if it comes to that. And he has needles and surgical thread. But he doesn’t have any way to anesthetize me.”

Luke and Rhaena are on the roof of the silver Chrysler Pacifica parked at the end of the driveway and surveilling the road. Everyone else is inside tearing the house apart as they try to find the keys. You don’t know what to say to Baela. There is no way to console her except by lying, and she’s too smart for that. “How far along are you?”

“I don’t even know.” She laughs like she’s on the verge of losing her mind. You don’t blame her. “The doctors calculate it based on the date of your last period, but mine was all over the place. I had tried a few different birth control pills and had all these side effects, weird spotting and cramping, no sex drive, feeling depressed, so I just figured I’d go all natural for six months and give my body a chance to reset. And we all know how that turned out.” She skims her palms over the globe of her belly, hidden beneath the flowing periwinkle cotton of a maternity dress she found at the Walmart back in Shenandoah. “I’m officially due in four weeks.”

“But it could happen at any time.”

Baela nods miserably. “My mum had me and Rhaena the…you know…the natural way, and it was smooth sailing. But she needed an emergency c-section with my little brother. What happens if that’s how it goes for me? Do you ever think about all the ways people can die now? It’s not just the zombies. I could get murdered, or fall and crack my skull open, or get a cut that turns septic, or rupture my appendix, or get frostbite or heatstroke, or get bitten by a snake. It never ends. We’ll be balancing on the knife’s edge for the rest of our lives.”

You wish you were better with words; you wish you were someone who spoke effortlessly like Rio or Aegon. You reply with the only thing you can think of. “Humans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years, and for the vast majority of that time with no modern medicine. It was dangerous, and it was painful. But there have always been people who made it. We wouldn’t exist otherwise.”

Remarkably, this seems to help. “I know Aemond will do everything he can for me,” Baela says, more steadily now. “He’s always been the most dependable one. So serious, so protective. Daeron was visiting us in Boston when everything shut down, and Aemond wouldn’t let the kid out of his sight for weeks…then Aemond almost died when he lost his eye and Daeron proved he could take care of himself with his compound bow.” Baela unwraps a Twizzler and takes a bite out of it, gazing vacantly at the sky, calm and overcast now that the storm has passed, breezy, mid-80s. She doesn’t even like them, but she’s been eating through a pack of Twizzlers Luke had been carrying in his backpack for Jace, slow mindless chewing like a cow’s. “Aemond feels responsible for you now. And that’s difficult when there’s so little control he actually has over what ends up happening.”

“Baela…I’m so sorry about Jace.”

“Drowning isn’t so bad, I guess. I hope he drowned. I hope he was dead before he washed ashore and they ate him.” Baela turns to you, eyes glazed. “Do you think we should have shot him before we left the river? To make sure he didn’t die in pain? You could have done it if you wanted to. Your aim is good enough.”

“No,” you say, horrified but trying to soften it. “I think that would have been…immoral.”

“I don’t even have a picture of Jace to show the baby, everything was online or on my phone, and now that’s all…gone. Just gone. Like he never even existed. How am I going to explain to my child what Boston was, or law school, or aerospace engineering, or grocery stores or shopping malls or Instagram, or anything else about our lives before this whole fucking disaster? All they’ll ever know is running from monsters, scrounging for shelter and supplies from the ruins of civilization.”

“The world is going to come back, Baela. Maybe not for five or ten years, and maybe looking a lot different than it did before, but humanity will recover. The Black Death wasn’t the end, and neither were the World Wars or the Mongol invasions or the colonization of the Americas, or famines or floods or volcanic eruptions. The zombies won’t end us either.”

“Do you really believe that?”

I want to. “Yeah, I do. We just have to hold on until the tide turns. We can’t give up.”

“In that case, I’ll try not to go completely insane in the immediate future. Thank God Rhaena and Luke are still here. Do you have any siblings?”

You smile vaguely. “Four.”

“Wow,” Baela says. “Do you know where they are now?”

There is an interruption before you have to decide how to answer: a roaring high above in the sky, a remote mechanical growling. You and Baela both look up to see a jet zooming by, just below the steel grey cloud cover and leaving a trail of condensation behind it like a comet’s tail of eons-old cosmic dust. From where he is perched atop the Pacifica, Luke is pointing at the jet to show Rhaena. Aemond, Rio, Aegon, and Daeron come rocketing out of the house to find the source of the noise. After a moment, Helaena moseys onto the front porch as well, tucking flashlights and napkins into her burlap messenger bag. Meanwhile, Aegon is filling his pockets with packs of Marlboro Golds and orange prescription bottles labelled Percocet.

“Is that an airplane?!” Aegon gasps. “People are flying again?! Oh, we are back, baby! We are so back! I’m catching the next flight to SFO, peace out bitches, no more Oregon Trail for me!”

“It’s a jet,” Aemond says flatly. “Not a passenger carrier. Probably military.”

“Doesn’t look like one of ours.” Rio turns to you for confirmation.

“No, I don’t recognize it.”

“Then who the fuck is up there?” Aegon says. “Canada? The U.K.?”

Rio sighs, ruffling Aegon’s already quite disheveled blonde hair. “Who knows, Honey Bun. Maybe it’s China or Russia swinging by to drop nukes on any survivors.”

“Fortunately, nobody’s going to waste a nuclear bomb on freaking Plymouth, Ohio,” Baela says, watching the jet vanish into the west, the droning of its engines replaced by the breeze through the sugar maples and sycamores, the screeching of cicadas and chirps of robins. “No luck finding the keys?”

Aemond frowns as he shakes his head, tapping his chin anxiously. He knows she can’t walk much farther.

“How do none of us know how to hotwire a car?” Aegon demands, exasperated.

Rio replies cheerfully: “Well, Chips and I have been diligently serving this glorious nation since we were eighteen years old, and you’re all clueless rich kids. So…I think that just about sums it up.”

“I need more arrows,” Daeron says, clutching his compound bow. All the ones he had are now speared through zombies along the river where Jace died. When you snuck away from the farm at dawn, Luke used his binoculars to check the shores; they were still swamped with zombies, even more than the night before. They are pack animals; alone, they are aimless and easily confounded, their memories calamitously short. As part of a group—if they were crows they’d be a murder, if they were camels they’d be a caravan—zombies attract and guide each other, moving symbiotically like planets and moons locked in orbit.

“I think you’re going to have to start making them the old fashioned way, kid,” Rio tells Daeron, accompanied by a rough pat of encouragement on the back.

“What, like with sticks?!”

“Yeah. Use a knife to carve one end to make it pointy and you’re good to go.”

“Love it. Very pioneer.” Aegon holds up a Sony Walkman, pink and covered with Disney stickers, Ava spelled out across the top in glittering rhinestones. “At least I found this. Helaena, do we have any more AA batteries?” She fishes around in her bag and hands him a pair.

Baela gapes at him, but she’s smiling. It’s horrible, it’s absurd, it’s something you can’t help but find a macabre humor in. “Aegon, you cannot use that poor eaten kid’s CD player. You know it’s haunted.”

Aegon sings like a jingle from a commercial: “Little Ava died, RIP. Now I get to listen to my CDs.”

“Oh, that is so fucked up!” Rio cackles.

You say, grinning: “Aegon, I’m really going to miss you when we’re all in heaven at the bowling alley made of clouds and you’re downstairs in the fiery version of the afterlife.”

“Don’t feel bad for me, Chipmunk. You’re the one who’s going to die without ever having an orgasm.”

“You don’t need a man for that, Aegon,” Baela says.

“You definitely don’t,” you agree. Aemond glances over at you, intrigued. You stare dauntlessly back. What? You said you weren’t interested. The corners of his lips curl up in a reticent smile; he looks down to try to hide it. He’s touching his chin again. His cheeks flush pink as his mind wanders.

Rio chuckles. “Oh yeah, I remember your little experimenting phase. Lots of trips to the Spencer’s in the Tysons Corner mall when we were stationed at Anacostia.”

You raise your eyebrows, though you’re not annoyed. “I thought you were never going to tell anybody about that.”

“It’s the end of the world, baby. No time to be shy.” Then Rio asks Aemond: “Since we’re here and it’s quiet, you want to go ahead and check every house that has a car with the fuel cap still closed? There are some minivans and SUVs down at the other end of the street. Even a few gallons of gas will take us farther than days on foot.”

Aegon adds, checking his map: “A half tank would get us all the way to Decatur, Indiana.”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Aemond says. He offers Baela a hand and helps lift her to her feet. “You guys go ahead, I’ll meet you down at the driveway with the black…what is that, a Honda Odyssey? You know the one, the van in front of the yellow house. Don’t go inside until I get there.”

“Yup!” Aegon agrees as he speeds off, racing Daeron to the house. Rio—not one for sprinting—jogs after them with his Remington in hand, ready to bash rotting skulls in at a moment’s notice. Baela toddles down to the Pacifica to tell Luke and Rhaena the plan, her periwinkle dress billowing in the wind; then they climb down to walk with her. Helaena floats across the sidewalk like a ghost, pausing to pick buttercups that grow up between the cracks in the cement.

Aemond has been waiting until the two of you are alone. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure.” A few houses down, a female zombie—early-twenties, white bikini top, red Ohio State shorts—staggers across the yard and in her attempt to snag Aegon falls and impales herself on the white picket fence. She is suspended there, clawing and yowling, her blackening intestines and dark clotted blood staining the wood. Aegon takes his time getting into a stance and swings his golf club like he’s at a driving range. He hits her dead-on, caves the front of her face in, takes a few more shots just to be sure.

“I get what’s in Oregon for Rio,” Aemond says. “Sophie, the baby, his parents. But why are you going there?”

“Rio’s my best friend. He might be my only friend who’s still alive. And when we left Saratoga Springs, he made me promise that I wouldn’t let him die alone. So before anything else, I have to make sure he gets to Odessa and finds his family. And then I can figure out what’s next for me. But if it really is safe there, I don’t see why I’d leave. I’ve never wanted to be on my own. Maybe I can end up having a family in Oregon too.”

Aemond rests his elbows on the porch railing. He’s teasing you. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I’m still alive.”

You tease him back. He deserves it. “I’m not sure about you and me.”

“I’d like for us to be friends.”

“Would you?”

“Resoundingly.”

“Maybe I’ll give it a try.”

He considers you. “You know, Kentucky might have been a good place for you to hide out. And it would be a lot closer than Oregon.”

You stand up, throwing on your backpack full of bullets for your Beretta M9s, beef jerky and peanut butter crackers and granola bars, lip balm, bottles of water, Kleenex tissues, Juicy Fruit, miscellaneous treasures from the road, practically worthless trinkets made so impossibly valuable. “We’re done here, right?”

Aemond is disappointed, though not with you. He has committed an error he cannot understand. “Yeah, we’re done.” He walks with you to the yellow house, your sneakers pounding in tandem on the sidewalk, squirrels and rabbits darting through the overgrown lawns, eastern tiger swallowtails swooping between blossoms.

Aegon says when you and Aemond arrive in the driveway, nodding to the once-attractive blonde zombie pawing and licking at the glass of the living room window: “Who wants to take care of Ryan Seacrest?”

“Got it,” Rio replies immediately. He kicks down the front door, macerates the zombie’s skull with the butt of his Remington, then sweeps through the kitchen and dining room searching for any other monsters in need of hasty euthanasia. He doesn’t find any. He drags the corpse outside to lessen the stench of decomposition and opens all the downstairs windows.

“Commence Operation Find The Minivan Keys,” Aegon says as he rummages through drawers and cabinets. Helaena joins him, seeking so delicately she is almost soundless, her large blue eyes flicking from place to place. Luke, Rhaena, and Daeron stay outside to keep watch. Baela collapses into a recliner in one corner of the living room and is dozing within seconds.

“I’ll clear the upstairs,” Aemond volunteers, then asks you: “Watch my blind side?”

You can’t help but smile; it is a generous invitation. It is an honor. You shadow him up the staircase of olive green carpet, through the hallway, into each of the three bedrooms and one full bath. When you are certain it is safe—exploring the back of every closet, under every bed—you and Aemond begin searching for weapons and car keys. The main bedroom is like a forest: blankets pattered with trees and deer, wood furniture, paintings of the Battle of the Wilderness during the Civil War. You investigate every drawer of the nightstand and dresser, then go to leave.

“Wait.” Aemond peeks out into the hallway to make sure no one else is around, then closes the bedroom door. Your eyes track him quizzically, shy skittish optimism, your head tilted, your fingers finding the dresser behind you, cool rust-hued oak, a color like dried blood. You slip off your backpack. Then Aemond comes to you like a returning comet—once in a lifetime, once in an eon—and holds your face in his hands as he kisses you, soft, careful, unhurried, then turning famished, sweltering incurable hunger. You lift yourself up onto the dresser; your thighs have parted, and Aemond is between them, still fully clothed and leaving yours in place too, so innocent, so spotless, and yet in your mind you are imagining what it would feel like to lie beneath him as he opens and fills you, to be so irredeemably close to another person, to watch and listen as he teaches you what to do.

Right here? Right now?

It suddenly strikes you as too soon; you want this but you aren’t ready. Your heart races, you can’t catch your breath. “I am obligated to make you aware that according to your own calculations, I am likely dangerously fertile at the moment.”

Aemond grins as he bites playfully at your lower lip. “Relax. We’re not rounding all the bases this time.”

His voice evaporates your panic, lulls your rushing blood. Your muscles turn to seamless rippling water. Your bones crave the weight of his. “Yeah, totally, good, that’s good. Just making sure.”

“I want to touch you. Can I touch you?”

In reply, you unbutton your denim shorts and pull down the zipper, slowly, very slowly, your gaze linked with his like torn flesh stitched together. He’s close enough to kiss you again, but he doesn’t; he takes your chin gently and turns your face to the side, admiring the curve of your jaw. Then his lips are on your throat and his right hand is skimming down the front of your shirt, over your belly, under your shorts. You gasp—the foreignness of another’s hand here, the disorienting vulnerability—and Aemond stops.

“No, I’m okay,” you assure him, smiling. You kiss him deeply, your fingertips tracing his scar, the work of his careful, gifted hands. Aemond does not flinch away. He presses his face into your palm, offering himself fully, taking shelter in you. And everything other than him—this house, this world, this age, this westward journey, this apocalypse—goes quiet, quiet, quiet, like when you are shooting, like when you are hammering nails under the sun. Aemond makes everything horrifying disappear. It is the greatest sort of magic you can imagine.

“So,” he says. “What did you buy at Spencer’s?”

“Green Day t-shirts.”

“Sure.”

“And some, uh, battery-powered companionship.”

“Hm.” Aemond’s fingers are moving against you; it is increasingly difficult to respond to his questions. “Internal or external? Or both?”

“Oh, definitely…um…I stayed on the outside, mostly. I tried…oh wow, okay…inside a few times, but I didn’t get much out of it. It was mostly just uncomfortable.”

“No problem. We’ll work up to that.”

“Will we?” You hope you don’t sound too desperate. The warm coiling pleasure is swelling, strengthening, begging to be released, loosed like an arrow or fired like a bullet. Aemond’s fingers slip through your wetness, circling and pressing down harder, insistently, masterfully. It feels different than using toys: it is more gradual, less sharp, helplessly overpowering.

“That’s my plan. If you’ll allow it.”

You exhale a threadbare ghost of a whimper against his throat and then reach for his shorts, fumbling blindly for the button and zipper.

“No, don’t do anything,” Aemond murmurs, soft and pleading, almost like a prayer. “Let me take care of you. Please let me feel like I’m doing something right.”

“You’re doing a lot right at the moment.” You’re close now, your breaths quick and panting. You throw your arms around the back of Aemond’s neck and fold into him, feeling the thudding pulse of his carotid artery beneath your fingertips, the softness of his lips and unscarred cheek as he nuzzles the side of your face. It’s so quiet, but there’s no need to fill the silence, no words, no uneasiness. You’ve always wondered what you would have to do to please a man, what premeditated motions and praises you would offer him, niceties, perhaps even lies. But this is effortless. The shimmering golden glow like sunlight is here, and he is the one drawing it out of you, water from a well, blood from a tapped vein. The only sound you make is a shuddering inhale, but Aemond knows immediately. He closes his eyes, relieved, proud, beaming, resting his forehead against yours.

He asks: “Can I try…?”

“Yes, do it, please, I want you to.”

Aemond’s hand shifts between your thighs, moves lower, and there is a sudden jolt of pain like a pinch, like a bite. You wince before you can think to disguise it. Immediately, Aemond retreats, kissing your lips and your cheeks. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You were incredible.”

You reach for his shorts again and unbutton them. “Show me what to do.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

He takes a shaky breath, drags his tongue over the fingers he touched you with, moans so quietly you can barely hear him. He frees himself from his clothes: long and thick, harder than you believed flesh could be. Aemond grasps your hand and places it, demonstrates how to move and how much pressure to apply. Then his own hands drop to grip the edge of the dresser as you stroke him. You nip at his throat, his jaw, the shell of his ear; you coax euphoric sighs from him, feel a high in your bloodstream like something illicit and lethal.

“I’ll be honest,” you say. “I have no idea how that’s ever going to fit inside me.”

Aemond chuckles, distracted. “Women stretch, just like men do. It might take time, but it will happen. And I’ll make sure it’s as good as it can be.”

“I want it to be you, Aemond,” you whisper, and you can feel him throbbing in your hand. “You and no one else. Teach me how to do everything.” Make the world go away.

He gasps as he finishes, a thunderous trembling all over, a gush of white heat that flows over your hand. Curious, you lift it to your mouth. “Don’t—!”

But he’s too late; you lick him from your palm and then recoil at the taste, pungent, bitter, salty.

Aemond laughs hysterically, kissing your mouth and then your forehead. “Oh God, I’m sorry, I should have warned you.”

“I hope I taste better than that.”

“You definitely do.”

You peer up at him, dazed, dreamy. “I really like you, Aemond.”

“You can’t fall in love with me.” It is a taunt; it is a warning.

“If I do, I won’t let you know,” you promise. “You’re on first watch tonight, aren’t you?”

“I am.”

“Then I’ll stay up too.”

“Rio already volunteered to do it.”

“Really, I don’t mind.”

“No,” Aemond purrs, brushing your hair back from your face, marveling at you. “I can’t have you sleep deprived. You’re our best shot.”

“I can handle it.”

“You want to be honest with each other, you want to communicate? I like knowing you’re rested. I like knowing you’re safe.”

The door flies open with a bang; Aegon stands in the threshold. “We’ve got three-quarters of a tank of gas!” he announces ecstatically, jangling car keys in the air. Then he registers what he’s looking at. “Come outside when you’re done fucking.” Aegon slams the door shut; you hear his Sperry Bahama sneakers drumming on the staircase.

“I guess we should go,” you say reluctantly, untangling yourself from Aemond and sliding down from the dresser.

“Wait.” He gets a water bottle out of your backpack, soaks a handful of Kleenex tissues, and gives them to you to clean yourself off. When you’re done, he wipes himself down too. “Make sure you always take a piss after any…activities. We don’t have antibiotics if you get a kidney infection.”

“I know, doctor. I’ve read Reddit threads.”

“Not a doctor. Just a lowly intern.”

“You seem like an anatomy expert to me,” you say, then head downstairs.

The black Honda Odyssey is idling as the last of the supplies are loaded, the windows down, Baela adjusting the driver’s seat so she can accommodate her belly. Everyone piles inside and she steers the minivan out of the driveway and onto Trux Street. Aegon pops one of his mixtapes into the CD player. The song that pipes through the speakers is Prayer In C:

“Yeah, you never said a word

You didn’t send me no letter

Don’t think I could forgive you…”

“So,” Baela says casually, grinning at you in the rearview mirror. “How was the sex?”

“Stop,” Aemond begs, his face going red, smiling involuntarily.

You say placidly: “I appreciate your interest, but that’s not what we were doing.”

Rio turns to Aegon. “Do you know what sex looks like or not, dumbass?”

“They were doing something, okay! Those were not virginal activities!”

“See, our world is slowly dying

I’m not wasting no more time

Don’t think I could believe you…”

You rest your head on Aemond’s shoulder and watch the abandoned houses pass by in a blur.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Odyssey arrives in Decatur, Indiana just a few hours before sunset, gas to spare and plenty of time to find a safe place to spend the night. You break into a house on the outskirts of the west side of the city: a rancher with a screened-in porch, beach décor, bowls of seashells on tables and spray-painted aluminum dolphins on the wall. Baela plummets into sleep immediately, sharing the largest bed with Rhaena and Luke. Helaena writes in her spider notebook for a while before curling up on the living room couch, Daeron sprawled on the floor beside her with a couch cushion for a pillow. Aegon is in what was once a child’s bedroom; you have the bedroom of a teenage girl, perhaps spirited away to friends or relatives in some other part of the country, perhaps dead, perhaps lurching around out in the night somewhere, mad and murderous. Everything is purple, the walls, the blankets, the stuffed animals that form a mountain on the other half of the bed.

You are exhausted, but you can’t sleep. Your thoughts won’t stop racing, stop craving. Aemond and Rio are in rocking chairs out on the porch, keeping watch and working their way through the case of Sunny D they found in the kitchen pantry. You go out to join them, then stop at the screen door that separates the linoleum-floored dining room from the porch. They are discussing you. You sit, legs crossed, listening in the dim silvery light, stars and moon and nothing else.

Aemond is saying: “She doesn’t talk much about where she came from.”

Rio chuckles, a low baritone rumble. “She doesn’t talk much in general. But yeah, don’t expect any juicy revelations. That’s not how she does things.”

“Do you know what her life was like before?”

“I know some of it. I don’t know a lot.” Rio pauses; you can envision him shrugging and running his fingers through his dark curly hair, weighing what you would be okay with him sharing. “I know that when I met her, her mother was calling all the time telling her to send money home. And she’d do it, because she felt like she didn’t have a choice. Then she never had cash for drinks or anything, I was always paying her way, and one day I was finally like ‘Chips, how much do you actually have in your account right now?’ because I figured she must be down real low. Jesus Christ, I couldn’t believe it when she showed me the balance, she had like three bucks left until her next paycheck, and of course then her mother would be calling again. She sent tens of thousands of dollars home that disappeared, poof, gone, without a trace.”

Aemond sounds stunned. “What did they spend it on?”

“Who the fuck knows with those people. Lottery tickets and cigs, probably. Trips to Virginia Beach. Benny Hinn Bibles. And when she tried to hit the brakes, her mother and siblings got nasty, calling constantly and telling her how awful she was and that they were going to starve. I convinced her to stop picking up the phone, but it took forever. I think she knew by then she was going to have to cut them off if she didn’t want to end up back there, but she needed somebody to give her permission. That was my job. As far as I know, she hasn’t spoken to anyone from home in years. Hell, Sophie was her AOP.”

“AOP…?”

“Oh, sorry, Arrears of Pay. It’s the person you designate to get all your benefits if you die in the service. I guess she figured that if our base got bombed or our plane went down or something, at least it would end up with my family.”

Aemond is quiet, thirty seconds, a minute, maybe two. “Obviously my circumstances were a lot different. But I understand having to choose between other people’s expectations and yourself.”

“Why are you asking me all this?”

Another pause; silent thoughts under glimmering stars and the shrieks of short-lived summer cicadas. “She takes me out of this world for a while. She makes the guilt and the fear go quiet. I want to know everything about her.”

When Rio speaks, he is gentle, compassionate. “The hard truth is, the details aren’t my business. They aren’t yours either. When people enlist, they’re starting over. It’s a Get Out Of Jail Free card. It gets them away from home, but it also gets them away from whoever they were before.”

“She said something like that once. Back at Fort Indiantown Gap.”

“It’s a polite way of telling you to shut up.” You know from his voice that Rio is smiling. “If she wants to forget her old life, you have to let her. If you care about her, you’ll want her to be able to move on.”

“I care.”

“She likes you,” Rio says. “But you could still fuck it up. She’s good at finding reasons not to trust people.”

“It’s a bad way to live.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I know. I’m the same way.”

There is quiet now, only the sounds of Sunny D being slurped and cicadas screaming through the darkness. You have intruded enough. You stand and walk back down the hallway, then remember something Aegon said outside a Burger King in Pennsylvania. You go to his bedroom, illuminated by a flashlight pointed towards the ceiling, casting long deformed shadows.

Aegon is lying on his back with his head hanging upside down over the side of the bed—dinosaur blankets, bright red and blue pillows—puffing on a cigarette and listening to his new CD player, previously Ava’s, with both earbuds in. Then he spots you. Still upside down, Aegon hits the pause button on his CD player and says: “Hey, Microchip.”

“What did you mean about people pretending to love you?”

He smirks, shrugs, takes a lazy drag off his Marlboro Gold. “Every friend I’ve ever had has used me for money, mansions, yachts. Every girl I’ve ever fucked has wanted something in return. Mother prefers Daeron, Grandfather prefers Helaena, Criston prefers Aemond, and Father prefers his real estate empire and his model ships. Can you imagine loving a miniature replica of the Titanic more than your own children?”

“No,” you say, honestly and with heavy, gore-red pity. “You shouldn’t have to go back to people who make you feel that way. I wouldn’t.”

Aegon takes another drag as he watches you. “Aemond mentioned you’re from Kentucky.”

“I am.”

“But you won’t be returning.”

“No.”

Aegon nods, like you’ve answered an important question. “Aemond talks about you a lot. It’s cute. It doesn’t make me sick like when he was with Alys. Playing her games, breaking himself in half to follow her rules.”

You peer down at your fingernails, short and functional and unglamorous. You don’t want to hear about the older woman who was his lover, his obsession, his cure, his venom. She was poisonous to him, surely, and yet she was experienced where you are uninitiated and unversed, she had a PhD to compare with your high school diploma. Surely in those seven years he shared moments with her that were divine. Surely even a curse is woven from magic.

“Anyway.” Aegon rolls over, props himself up on his elbows, and extinguishes his cigarette in an empty plastic Sunny D bottle. “I have no particular affinity for my old life or the beach house in California, but that’s where Aemond is going. And I have to be where he is. I have to make sure he’s alright, you know?”

Yes, you do know; that’s how you feel about Rio. “What’s it like? That house up on a cliff all by itself?”

Aegon grins, like he’s caught you in a mouthwateringly compromising position. “Why? You thinking about visiting someday?”

“Just wondering.”

He squirms over to one side of the bed to make room for you, popping in an earbud. “Come listen with me.”

“What is it?”

“Just come over here!”

You cross the room and kick off your sneakers, climb onto the bed, lie down and take the other earbud that Aegon offers you. What you hear when you listen is Don McLean’s American Pie. “Oh, this is ancient.”

“It’s a classic. I wish I’d gotten to live through the 70s.”

“We’ll reinvent them when the world starts up again. Disco and lava lamps and shag carpets. We’ll shoot heroin and listen to vinyl records. Jimmy Carter can be president if he’s still alive.”

Aegon snickers, and then he sings along, hushed but surprisingly melodic, solemn, tender. He’s looking at you expectantly, eyebrows raised, nodding, beckoning for you to join him. You adamantly refuse. You don’t sing in front of anybody, not even Rio.

“I met a girl who sang the blues

And I asked her for some happy news

But she just smiled and turned away

I went down to the sacred store

Where I’d heard the music years before

But the man there said the music wouldn’t play…”

Aegon shoves your shoulder. “I could be dead tomorrow. Don’t ignore me.”

Self-consciously, but smiling a little bit, you begin to sing with him, so softly you can barely hear yourself. Aegon is beaming, small even white teeth beneath sparkling eyes, a murky cool blue like storm clouds, like the ocean, waves lapping at the shores of Diego Garcia, the Gulf of Tadjoura off the east coast of Djibouti, Corpus Christi Bay, places you once never knew existed.

“And in the streets, the children screamed

The lovers cried and the poets dreamed

But not a word was spoken

The church bells all were broken

And the three men I admire most

The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost

They caught the last train for the coast

The day the music died.”

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Humans are not perfectly vigilant

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then PROVIDENCE (Apr 12), and beyond!

Here's a fun AI story: a security researcher noticed that large companies' AI-authored source-code repeatedly referenced a nonexistent library (an AI "hallucination"), so he created a (defanged) malicious library with that name and uploaded it, and thousands of developers automatically downloaded and incorporated it as they compiled the code:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/28/ai_bots_hallucinate_software_packages/

These "hallucinations" are a stubbornly persistent feature of large language models, because these models only give the illusion of understanding; in reality, they are just sophisticated forms of autocomplete, drawing on huge databases to make shrewd (but reliably fallible) guesses about which word comes next:

https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1145/3442188.3445922

Guessing the next word without understanding the meaning of the resulting sentence makes unsupervised LLMs unsuitable for high-stakes tasks. The whole AI bubble is based on convincing investors that one or more of the following is true:

There are low-stakes, high-value tasks that will recoup the massive costs of AI training and operation;

There are high-stakes, high-value tasks that can be made cheaper by adding an AI to a human operator;

Adding more training data to an AI will make it stop hallucinating, so that it can take over high-stakes, high-value tasks without a "human in the loop."

These are dubious propositions. There's a universe of low-stakes, low-value tasks – political disinformation, spam, fraud, academic cheating, nonconsensual porn, dialog for video-game NPCs – but none of them seem likely to generate enough revenue for AI companies to justify the billions spent on models, nor the trillions in valuation attributed to AI companies:

https://locusmag.com/2023/12/commentary-cory-doctorow-what-kind-of-bubble-is-ai/

The proposition that increasing training data will decrease hallucinations is hotly contested among AI practitioners. I confess that I don't know enough about AI to evaluate opposing sides' claims, but even if you stipulate that adding lots of human-generated training data will make the software a better guesser, there's a serious problem. All those low-value, low-stakes applications are flooding the internet with botshit. After all, the one thing AI is unarguably very good at is producing bullshit at scale. As the web becomes an anaerobic lagoon for botshit, the quantum of human-generated "content" in any internet core sample is dwindling to homeopathic levels:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/14/inhuman-centipede/#enshittibottification

This means that adding another order of magnitude more training data to AI won't just add massive computational expense – the data will be many orders of magnitude more expensive to acquire, even without factoring in the additional liability arising from new legal theories about scraping:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

That leaves us with "humans in the loop" – the idea that an AI's business model is selling software to businesses that will pair it with human operators who will closely scrutinize the code's guesses. There's a version of this that sounds plausible – the one in which the human operator is in charge, and the AI acts as an eternally vigilant "sanity check" on the human's activities.

For example, my car has a system that notices when I activate my blinker while there's another car in my blind-spot. I'm pretty consistent about checking my blind spot, but I'm also a fallible human and there've been a couple times where the alert saved me from making a potentially dangerous maneuver. As disciplined as I am, I'm also sometimes forgetful about turning off lights, or waking up in time for work, or remembering someone's phone number (or birthday). I like having an automated system that does the robotically perfect trick of never forgetting something important.

There's a name for this in automation circles: a "centaur." I'm the human head, and I've fused with a powerful robot body that supports me, doing things that humans are innately bad at.

That's the good kind of automation, and we all benefit from it. But it only takes a small twist to turn this good automation into a nightmare. I'm speaking here of the reverse-centaur: automation in which the computer is in charge, bossing a human around so it can get its job done. Think of Amazon warehouse workers, who wear haptic bracelets and are continuously observed by AI cameras as autonomous shelves shuttle in front of them and demand that they pick and pack items at a pace that destroys their bodies and drives them mad:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/17/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs/

Automation centaurs are great: they relieve humans of drudgework and let them focus on the creative and satisfying parts of their jobs. That's how AI-assisted coding is pitched: rather than looking up tricky syntax and other tedious programming tasks, an AI "co-pilot" is billed as freeing up its human "pilot" to focus on the creative puzzle-solving that makes coding so satisfying.

But an hallucinating AI is a terrible co-pilot. It's just good enough to get the job done much of the time, but it also sneakily inserts booby-traps that are statistically guaranteed to look as plausible as the good code (that's what a next-word-guessing program does: guesses the statistically most likely word).

This turns AI-"assisted" coders into reverse centaurs. The AI can churn out code at superhuman speed, and you, the human in the loop, must maintain perfect vigilance and attention as you review that code, spotting the cleverly disguised hooks for malicious code that the AI can't be prevented from inserting into its code. As "Lena" writes, "code review [is] difficult relative to writing new code":

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773779967521780169

Why is that? "Passively reading someone else's code just doesn't engage my brain in the same way. It's harder to do properly":

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773780355708764665

There's a name for this phenomenon: "automation blindness." Humans are just not equipped for eternal vigilance. We get good at spotting patterns that occur frequently – so good that we miss the anomalies. That's why TSA agents are so good at spotting harmless shampoo bottles on X-rays, even as they miss nearly every gun and bomb that a red team smuggles through their checkpoints:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop

"Lena"'s thread points out that this is as true for AI-assisted driving as it is for AI-assisted coding: "self-driving cars replace the experience of driving with the experience of being a driving instructor":

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773841546753831283

In other words, they turn you into a reverse-centaur. Whereas my blind-spot double-checking robot allows me to make maneuvers at human speed and points out the things I've missed, a "supervised" self-driving car makes maneuvers at a computer's frantic pace, and demands that its human supervisor tirelessly and perfectly assesses each of those maneuvers. No wonder Cruise's murderous "self-driving" taxis replaced each low-waged driver with 1.5 high-waged technical robot supervisors:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/11/robots-stole-my-jerb/#computer-says-no

AI radiology programs are said to be able to spot cancerous masses that human radiologists miss. A centaur-based AI-assisted radiology program would keep the same number of radiologists in the field, but they would get less done: every time they assessed an X-ray, the AI would give them a second opinion. If the human and the AI disagreed, the human would go back and re-assess the X-ray. We'd get better radiology, at a higher price (the price of the AI software, plus the additional hours the radiologist would work).

But back to making the AI bubble pay off: for AI to pay off, the human in the loop has to reduce the costs of the business buying an AI. No one who invests in an AI company believes that their returns will come from business customers to agree to increase their costs. The AI can't do your job, but the AI salesman can convince your boss to fire you and replace you with an AI anyway – that pitch is the most successful form of AI disinformation in the world.

An AI that "hallucinates" bad advice to fliers can't replace human customer service reps, but airlines are firing reps and replacing them with chatbots:

https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20240222-air-canada-chatbot-misinformation-what-travellers-should-know

An AI that "hallucinates" bad legal advice to New Yorkers can't replace city services, but Mayor Adams still tells New Yorkers to get their legal advice from his chatbots:

https://arstechnica.com/ai/2024/03/nycs-government-chatbot-is-lying-about-city-laws-and-regulations/

The only reason bosses want to buy robots is to fire humans and lower their costs. That's why "AI art" is such a pisser. There are plenty of harmless ways to automate art production with software – everything from a "healing brush" in Photoshop to deepfake tools that let a video-editor alter the eye-lines of all the extras in a scene to shift the focus. A graphic novelist who models a room in The Sims and then moves the camera around to get traceable geometry for different angles is a centaur – they are genuinely offloading some finicky drudgework onto a robot that is perfectly attentive and vigilant.

But the pitch from "AI art" companies is "fire your graphic artists and replace them with botshit." They're pitching a world where the robots get to do all the creative stuff (badly) and humans have to work at robotic pace, with robotic vigilance, in order to catch the mistakes that the robots make at superhuman speed.

Reverse centaurism is brutal. That's not news: Charlie Chaplin documented the problems of reverse centaurs nearly 100 years ago:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Times_(film)

As ever, the problem with a gadget isn't what it does: it's who it does it for and who it does it to. There are plenty of benefits from being a centaur – lots of ways that automation can help workers. But the only path to AI profitability lies in reverse centaurs, automation that turns the human in the loop into the crumple-zone for a robot:

https://estsjournal.org/index.php/ests/article/view/260

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/01/human-in-the-loop/#monkey-in-the-middle

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

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Jorge Royan (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Munich_-_Two_boys_playing_in_a_park_-_7328.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

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Noah Wulf (modified) https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Thunderbirds_at_Attention_Next_to_Thunderbird_1_-_Aviation_Nation_2019.jpg

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Hello, oh my, damn... so english isn't my first language and i wasn't sure how to phrase it better so don't worry, i totally understand being uncomfortable and I'm sorry 😅

I did enjoy your version very much and i also think that you should definitely go for a crow reader cause that is such a cute idea!

- accidentally proposing anon

No problem! And since you're interested here's some very quick ideas I had about crow reader before I go to work today!

Alastor

Nothing phases this man anymore. Niffty literally gifted him a crown of dead roaches. So when you flutter excitedly and present him with a string of shiny can tabs, you've been collecting he accepts it graciously.

"You're quite right dear, these are incredibly colorful. Yes, very shiny are you sure you don't want to keep this? Oh! You made it for me? Well, aren't you just precious."

He makes it into a necklace or even something to decorate his horns.

Vox

Valentino likes light, you like shiny things, both of you tend to like being around screens and bright colors.

Except you don't just like screens, it's anything colorful or shiny. Actually sometimes it's not even that, its just random odds and ends that caught your attention for some reason. He gets it sometimes, textures, patterns, things like that.

But you have everything from soda can tabs to random buttons to rocks of various shapes, sizes, and colors. You have different sticks and pieces of wood you found that for some reason you then had to have. Pieces of mismatched jewelry. It's cute but it also clutters up space and he eventually designates one room for your stuff and tells you to keep it condensed. You do, and swear it's organized, but it's all just a jumbled mess to him.

He's in his lair, observing all the many different cameras, looking for some wannabe actress who owed him money, when you bounce in, barely stifling excited squaking. He sighs fondly and turns to you, knowing he's not going to be able to concentrate until he sees what you want to show him.

It's a collection of your molted feathers, the best ones, sleek and iridescent, bound together with some colorful twine you found and attached to it is a miniature glass jar filled with colorful, shiny bits of plastic, metal, and rock, and corked shut and sealed with hot glue.

It makes a nice rattle sound when he shakes it and the feathers are nice to pet and run his fingers over and..."Did you make me a fidget toy? From....random stuff you found? That's, that's actually really cute, thanks Doll."

He downplays how much he uses it, but it's literally on his key ring, so you know it goes everywhere with him and if during long meetings his staff are subjected to the consistent background noise of little shiny bits rattling around in a jar, then that's their problem.

Lucifer

As you may have noticed Lucifer also tends to collect things he has no need for. But he might need it one day! Between the two of you it does get to be a bit of a problem, so you both agree to sort through and condense your piles.

It takes days cuz you guys keep stopping to show each other cool stuff you guys have. Then, several more days just to get through his numerous rubber ducks. Eventually it's down to a single room where your collections have merged. Each item carefully chosen and presented to one another like expensive jewelry or other such luxurious things. But it's a cool rock you found, a giant bronze spring, a box full of candy wrappers with clever sayings, and a scrapbook with various brightly colored pieces of cardboard from snacks, toys, shoes, literally anything, that caught your eye.

It's anyone's guess on who adds what, but you do both have to agree on it before it's added so you don't hoard things again.

That's the end, but maybe I'll go back and add Adam and some of the other characters later. I just wanted to get my initial ideas down before work.

[wandixx]

Ghost of fries and hero of cookies part 6

All work words count: 14 643

Words in this part: 2 686

Summary of whole work: Duke wasn't expecting to wake up from his quick rooftop nap to some meta kid with fries. He also wasn't expecting kid to stay

Or

Danny asked Dani to stay safe while she was in Gotham. Where would she be safer than under the wing of local hero? And he looked like he needed bad day combo anyway

This part summary: Batman wants an explanation. His kids however, wouldn't be themselves if they did add some chaos

Beta read by @audhumla-sailor though English is second language for both of us, so proceed with this in mind. I also know all of the charaters through fics alone, so probably ooc. Stay catious if it's something you don't like

First part, Previous part

“Signal.”

Duke bit back a sigh as his last hope to leave Cave undiscovered disappeared. He shot Steph message of:

Having The Talk. Come as moral support

and turned around to face Bruce.

“Yes?”

B grunted in disapproving and ‘Signal report’ way but Duke decided to buy some time and answer only questions that were actually asked. He slowly sat at the briefing table and looked at the man expectantly.

Lift chimed and moments later Tim and Cass went to Batcomputer and training mats respectively. Duke was, like, 80% sure they were there to eavesdrop. He knew them well enough. He knew them well enough.

“The girl”

“Izzy?” Was Duke annoying on purpose? Yes. He really didn’t want to have this talk. Like, at all. Psychological warfare it was “I mean, I know she is civilian and you don’t approve but at least she isn’t doing anything illegal, right? Like, you know, robbing museums or killing people?”

Bruce looked repulsed and Tim snorted.

“Low blow Narrows, low blow” Jason announced through speakers. He was slightly winded as if he just finished a fight “Good job kid”

“So you’re listening too, great” Duke muttered under his breath before louder he added “Is everyone who wants in on a show, here already?”

“Give me a sec- here Dick you’re going live now”

“Thanks Babs, you’re the best”

“I know. Donuts, you know which one”

“Of course. Glad we’re finally going to talk about Duke’s kid”

“Shut up, she is not my kid!”

“Steph ETA 2 minutes” Cass interrupted.

At least Damian didn’t show up- as if summoned by this thought Damian stomped down the stares, Alfred the Cat curled in his arms. Maybe others had a point, calling him Demon kid and stuff.

“What is an emergency?” he demanded and Duke decided to take what little relief he could from the fact that Bruce seemed equally defeated by sheer number of people around for this talk. 

“It seems like… oh, literally everyone lost an adoption bet” Babs explained. Huh, so Steph didn’t change her stance.

Damian looked genuinely terrified as he muttered “No” eyes darting between everyone present in silent calculation.

“Oh, shut up” Duke whined knowing all too well his stalling had to come to the end. Maybe it was wishful thinking but he almost heard roar of engine of Steph’s motorcycle. Her presence would be double edged sword but she would help him advocate for Dani and that was more important.

“Thomas, what have you done?!” if it was anyone other than Damian, Duke would call sound he made a whine. As it was, he preferred his entrails to stay inside and since the boy showed up, called by thought, the older boy preferred not to take risks.

“Nothing, Babs is overreacting”

“Don’t deny it. She went about it kinda Tim Lite style but it worked”

“I don’t even know her surname, where she stays or really, anything about her life outside of our patrols, how do you expect me to go about adoption?!”

“B knew even less about me when he decided, yes this tire thief is my new son!” Jason chimed in and Duke knew he was grinning despite voice modulator.

“What from my origin story was lost to make Lite version?”

“Identities weren't breached as far as we're aware. Just ‘came one day and refuses to leave’ part and some light stalking. She was smart about it, invisible, keeping out of sight and to the hot spots. Wouldn't find her if I didn't know she was there”

“She could still just not tell, I mean I knew for years before telling anyone…”

“There is no way. Believe me, she has no brain-mouth filter, I swear”

“But-”

“She introduced herself by her first name,” Duke deadpanned ”She told me civilian names of heroes from her hometown, in context that didn't require me to do any actual research to clue me. I did anyway. I don't think she even realized she did it. If she knew our identities we would know already”

There was a moment of silence as everyone digested the thought of just how gigantic breach Dani accidentally caused.

“Well, it's as good of a proof as we can get for now,” Babs bristled. 

“Who let her in on such secrets then?!” Damian sounded genuinely appalled and Duke wasn't too surprised.

Like on a cue, Steph stormed inside on her Spoiler in civies. Bruce looked about ready to get aneurysm. Duke was a bit glad that everyone was doing such good job in distraction department.

“IT’S OKAY, WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!” Steph yelled, jumping from before her vehicle fully stopped. She threw something small in general direction of Batcomputer “Timmy plug it in, I made a PowerPoint!”

Duke felt blood leave his face. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know what Steph put together but he probably didn't. Tim opened it anyways.

WHY HOOPOE IS ADORABLE&CHAOTIC BEAN AND SHOULD BE PART OF THE TEAM

The title slide said, one of the clearest photos of Dani from before she started wearing mask in the background. It was close-up of girl smiling, bits of brownie on her cheeks.

“Was this photo taken with a goddamn calculator?” Tim asked with disgust so clear Duke could taste it. Metaphorically of course.

“Nah, just body-cam. Her powers mess with technology a bit”

Tim still looked displeased at the craftsmanship.

“Don't worry, it's not  a bad photo. Baby Bird is just being perfectionist,” Dick placated.

Duke didn't realize that Damian froze until he unfroze and made his way to the screen, stopping less than one foot away from it. His movements were rigid, his face scrunched with distress. Alfred the Cat escaped its master probably due to hoe tense he was. Everyone in Cave quietened as soon as boy took first step and expecting mood had to run through microphones because nobody from the on-line crowd quipped in.

“This is the green of Lazarus” he whispered finally, sounding actually scared. Jason swore. Bruce and Cass visibly stiffened. Tim choked and he wasn't even drinking. Dick did his whinny breezy name saying thing when he wanted explanation and felt lightly betrayed. 

It was Duke's turn to freeze because… it wasn't. Of course he wasn't all that well versed in the Pit, less alone its color but he did bust quite a few trafficking rings with Jason and he saw his eyes afterwards all raging, toxic, neon green glory and it wasn't the same as Dani’s. As much as he liked English and how good he was at it, it failed him at simple task of describing the obvious difference between each other. He'd have more luck describing tastes with set of color samples from IKEA or something. And really, even if he tried he would lose the fight of competence with Damian. Who wouldn't.  But-

“There is no way she has any connection with LOA”

“Why is that?” Damian seemed to misinterpret it as challenge like he always did when emotions were running high. Duke took a deep breath. Well, it was a moment to use all of his diplomatic skills and speak in the language of the demons.

“I've seen her fight. She would be utter disgrace”

“It does not prove-”

“It does” Duke interrupted with the tone and mimic of person who saw too much because he did ”None of you have any say until you watch a tiny and I mean tiny ten year old tackle five Joker goons like it's a joke, by sheer virtue of super strength and intangibility-means-I-can-ignore-bullets-Signal-don’t-be-such-worrywart. She should get shot, like, three times at least. And she kept laughing!” he was low key wheezing at the end because even after all this time (a week) it was fucking horrifying. Bruce made a huff that meant he was laughing and put a hand on his shoulder as a sign of support. Dick's lighthearted laugh sang from the speakers.

“Don't worry Duke, it never gets better” B said with mirth.

He refused to elaborate whether he meant ‘kids keep jumping into danger like there is no tomorrow‘ or ‘it's equally terrifying every time’ and Duke decided to reflect on that sentiment later. It put some things into perspective. A lot of things if he was being honest.

Also, he was not ready for stuff like that to become even semi-normal occurrence. He was ready to give her all of his Alfred cookies if it could change anything. He knew it wouldn't. 

“Do you have any other evidence that your new acquaintance does not just fake being less experienced to make you lower your guard?” Damian asked warily.

“I had to teach her out of putting her thumb in her fist,” he deadpanned. Several people hissed in empathetic pain. Steph coughed to bring attention to where she stood in front of Batcomputer, other slide of her Power Point open. Duke recognised video from his body-cam.

“Exhibit A” she announced. She played a video with Dani’s first mugging attempt he witnessed. Let it be said, it was a disaster.

“Exhibit B '' One of Dani’s most epic fails at side-kick that ended with her falling face first to the ground.

“Exhibit C” Dani fumbled with zip-ties, looking at him utterly at loss.

“Exhibit D” the talk about her prior training.

“What’s was that sound?” Dick obviously on the verge of cooing when girl on video growled. Steph stopped video.

“Very angry kitten” Tim stated with soft smile.

“Honestly, furious girl” Cass corrected “She was really mad at you”

“Yeah, I know but promise of Alfred’s cookies was enough to placate her”

“You gave her Alfred’s cookies?!”

“She started by giving me a lot of food on a really shitty patrol, had to repay somehow”

“Was it from your share or-” Dick asked like it was most important thing in the world.

“Miss Hoopoe was added to my plans after she picked her new name” Alfred explained and shit, Duke really should get used to how man just appeared sometimes. Jumpscare the original.

“Alfred, you knew?” Bruce sounded so utterly betrayed.

“I have yet to meet her but I was informed about her presence about two weeks ago”

“He caught me printing mask for her”

“About that” Steph clapped and skipped her slide show “Look at thi clueless child with such horrible disguises and codename ideas” There was whole list of every name Dani wanted to try out and photo of her bare face.  Duke kinda repressed his memories of it. It was worse than he remembered.

“Did she really tried kenting that?”

“Got it after her cousin. He used his first name as part of his alias for almost half a year” Duke admitted in carefree tone, knowing it would cause a mess.

“Cousin?!” several people yelled in surprise.

“Caped cousin?!”

“Yup. Small time hero from Illinois. As far as I’m aware she’s alone in Gotham but they’re in regular contact and she has strong believe that he can and will help her if she used her panic button”

“Who in their right mind let’s kid alone in Gotham?!” Jason sounded about ready to strangle Phantom.

“He seems to be fifteen himself. And has anti-meta parents if I’m picking things up correctly. She didn’t mention them much. I highly doubt she has present parents at all, so…”

“What the hell Narrows.”

“I don’t know, it’s just a wild guess”

“Does it call for the rescue?” Steph asked eagerly.

“We’re not going to Illinois to rescue Phantom if he doesn’t ask for it. He has means to it” Bruce interrupted with bone deep sigh.

“How do you know I meant Phantom?” Duke perked up because he never mentioned this name.

“He is from Illinois, looks almost the same as far as I can tell from the photos and they share a lot of powers”

“I didn’t know you knew about random kid hero from other state?”

“He dropped by on few Justice League’s mission. There is still dispute whether we should approach him in his city or not. He was very clear on his opinion that we should stay away. I think we really shouldn’t”

“How you haven’t gone or sent anyone there yet?” Tim teased.

Bruce just stared at him then gestured at mountain of cases they were currently working on. Yes, they were printed. Apparently for man it made it easier to work on them like that.

“Can we focus back on untrained child you let join you on patrol, Duke?”

“You act like I could stop her from doing her own thing if I didn’t  let her. Plus, even though she doesn’t have combat training, she can handle herself well enough. And has this damn intangibility that makes her really hard to punch”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t tell anyone other than Alfred and Steph and I wanted to wait a bit before leaving her to the wolfs”

“The bet”

“Shut up Steph”

“When did you plan on letting us know?” Bruce ignored what blonde insinuated. Duke was utterly grateful for that, he knew he would get lecture for that later but he was more than happy to leave it be for now.

“Somewhen next week. I hoped to introduce her gradually but apparently everyone knew already?”

“Kids tell me things. Hoopoe made a good impression on them” Jason explained.

“Hero sightings on Twitter” Dick admitted without a shadow of shame.

“What he said” Tim agreed “This person from crochet dolls made one for your kid too, so in public eyes she’s our already”

“For the last time, she isn’t my kid!” Duke groaned but as always went ignored.

“Nobody expected old man’s tendencies to rub on you so fast, Narrows”

“Shut up and this is half a reason I didn’t let you meet her. All of you”

“With all due respect Duke” Babs started teasingly “You gave us ammo yourself. You improved her diet, you brought her to The Food Track Of Mental Breakdowns, you teach her stuff, you check in on her almost as often as her cousin and their friends do…”

“How did you hack her pho- No, wrong question, why?!”

“We’re all paranoid bastards, I needed to check out the newest bird. She legally doesn’t exist btw so I suspect some shady stuff with her birth but otherwise nothing sus about her. Comms and trackers for her are waiting in drawer C19. You will give it to her tomorrow”

“Aye, aye captain Oracle ma’am” he joked.

“Wait, you showed her The Food Track?”

“She deserved it” he gritted out.

Before this could turn into a fight or something, Alfred demanded:

“Since we are all on the same page now, I would like to extend an invitation for family dinner to miss Hoopoe”

“We’ll eat it down here in full costumes”

“As you wish master Bruce. Master Duke make sure to let her know”

“Of course Alfred”

And he planned to do that but Dani didn’t show up. He hadn’t thought much of it because she was unpredictable like that. She tended to disappear from the face of the Earth for a day or two and return with tales of her “autograph hunting trips”

But then she didn’t show up on the next patrol too. It was unprecedented. And she hadn’t responded to the check in. Three times in the row. He was getting kinda sick from the stress.

He knew Dani well enough, she wouldn’t ghost him like that and in Gotham disappearing meant three things: getting kidnapped, trafficked or six feet under. To their knowledge, Dani didn’t have anyone who would pay ransom for her other than Signal and no demands were made so the first option was out.

Bats launched full fledged search.

Duke himself found and busted two trafficking rings in three weeks which was around how much he did in two months on a daily basis.

Thanks to Oracle, they found Dani’s utterly crashed phone in the dead end in the Narrows. It didn’t look any better.

Duke really hoped they wouldn’t be too late.

With each day it seemed more likely.

********

Bruce: *wants to have private conversation with his son about unknown child he's been working with*

All of the Batfam: Hello there

Duke: I managed to keep Dani secret my family of detectives!

Everyone other than Bruce: I knew for past two weeks, but goood job kid

Random o Twitter: I'm sooo disappointed with Signal for letting Hoopoe fight crime. She is just a little child, she shouldn't have to witness Gotham's worst

Other Random: Have you heard about Robin????? Have you seen teories that Signal is teenager???? With proofs????? Are you mad at child for not taking proper care of the other child????? That's messed up my dude/gal

Yell at Batman

Signal: You act like she isn't personification of feral cat I try to coax home so I can prevent her from getting in trouble. I dare you to try and stop her

Phantom: I do too, 100$ if you manage. It would save me from so much stress

Random: Now, who the f*ck are you?!

(Guess who never touched Twitter with 20 meters stick in her life)

Next part

Tag list: @pickleking8 @mynameisnotlaura

[iateyourparents]

can you do one like the medium but for sam? 🙊

medium | s.g.

pairing: sam golbach x fem!medium!reader

summary: you’re a guest in sam and colby’s video.

warnings: place they are exploring is made up by me, mentions of death, physical hurt, use of y/n, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry but english isn’t my first language), wasn’t proofread

an: thank you! i wrote it kinda differently than colby’s one but i hope you like it <33 here’s colby’s version of medium.

pictures are from pinterest:)

“What’s up guys! It’s Sam and Colby!” Colby started the video.

You stood next to them waiting for them to announce your presence.

“Today we are exploring haunted hospital. But it’s not just a hospital.” Sam said “It has graveyard in the backyard. People laying there were murdered by doctors and nurses here and then they were buried behind the hospital by cleaners to get rid of the bodies.”

“Exactly.” Colby nodded „We will tell you more about the history of this place in a moment but now let’s welcome on our channel ours today’s guest! Y/n, Sam’s girlfriend, will be exploring with us!”

You smiled and waved at the camera while Sam cointinued Colby’s introduction of your person “Most of you probably don’t know but my love is a medium. So we’re positive it will give us more perspectives on this place. Baby, how do you feel about this experience?”

You were about to answer when Colby interrupted with a cheeky smirk “Good, thanks babe.”

You only laughed while Sam shook his head with a smile and again looked at you.

“I feel excited, that’s my first time in so haunted place.” you laughed “I already can tell there’s so much bad and sad vibes in this place.”

“Great, then let’s start.” Colby clapped his hands.

You all walked into the hospital where waiting for you was yours tourguide. He quicky gave you a tour and said some things about this place to the camera and the left you alone.

„Okay, so like Mike said, the graveyard is called the most active place on the hospital’s grounds. So why won’t we start there?” Sam offered.

You went to the exit into the backyard and just as you walked through the doorframe you could feel shivers running down your spine. You felt overwhelming sadness and brutality. You literally could feel emotions of spirits here but as fast as it came it was gone.

“When I walked through the doors I felt shivers all over me and I felt like I was one of those spirits. I felt their emotions. But it was quickly gone.” you said to the camera.

“You just can feel this…sadness.” Colby added “I don’t know if it’s only me but I feel like I’m being watched.”

You and Sam agreed with his words and you explained to the viewers “I’m honestly not surprised we feel like it because we are being watched. I feel so many spirits here. I can see only couple of them but I’m sure that those I can’t see are also looking at us. But honestly I don’t feel…threatened? Like, I was expecting to feel not okay, to them not being okay with us because of how they ended up here but it’s actually opposite. They are curious but don’t feel need to harass us or something.”

“That’s actually a big relief because this place is known for people getting attacked in many ways.” Sam said. „Baby, could you describe who you see?”

“Sure.” you shrugged and looked around “Most spirits I see are pretty young. But I can see some olders ones too. They all are just standing or sitting around, I think they may be in places where their bodies are.”

“That’s so sad.” Sam pouted “Imagine dying here and getting buried here without your family knowing so they couldn’t even visit you and when it all was discovered it was too late to find everybody’s relatives.”

“We should probably start investigation.” Colby stated after a moment of silence. “We will start here with the spirit box but we were thinking about doing an estes method here outside later.”

You took a rempod from Sam and placed it on the stone that was gravered with story of this grounds as a memory of all these victims of bad care system and cruel people working here.

It wasn’t long later when rem pod started going off.

“Alright, whoever touched that, thank you.” Colby said „We want you all to know we come here in peace and just to get to know more about you and what happened here. We don’t want to disrespect or harass you. We promise we won’t do anything you don’t want us to but we’re hoping some of you will communicate with us.” rem pod went off again. “Thank you.”

“I can feel that most of them actually came here after your speech.” you stated and boys smiled.

„If you want to say anything to us, just say it to this thing and it will say it to us.” Sam explained turning on the spirit box.

Not a second later box said “dead” and “doctors”.

„Doctors killed you? Unfortunately we know, that’s awful what happened.” Sam tried to hold the conversation.

Box answered “body” and “here”.

„Your bodies are here?” Colby asked and spirit box confirmed.

You were asking more questions when suddenly you could feel emotions around you changing.

„Guys, for some reason some of them are starting to get angry. I think it might be because we are reminding them of everything.” you frowned when some ghost confirmed your words using the spirit box “We are sorry for reminding you…” you couldn’t continue because you felt like something scratched your face and you hissed placing your hand on burning place.

Sam immediately frowned in worry and stood next you carefully taking your hand away from your face just to gasp.

“Holy shit, something scratched you.” Colby pointed camera at your cheek where were two red lines.

“I think they don’t want us here anymore.” Sam said and you could hear worry in his voice so you squeezed his hand to let him know you’re alright.

“Yeah, let’s go inside.” Colby offered.

You went to take rem pod off the stone when it suddenly was swept off of it and landed on the grass.

“Holy fuck, did you recorded that?” Sam asked shocked picking up the rem pod.

“Yeah, camera was pointing there so I think it was captured.” Colby said and pointed camera at himself “Holy shit guys, it’s so sick.”

You took all your things and went inside where you decided to start investigation in the waiting room.

And again you didn’t have to wait long for some signs. Just as you were about to place your equipment you all heard a serie of knocks and then footsteps.

“I hope you guys can hear it too.” Sam whispered to the camera “It’s coming from this way.” he pointed at one of the examination rooms

“We are currently in the children ward but I don’t feel any children here.��� you frowned “There’s only adults. Were the wards changed?”

“No.” Colby shook his head “There’s nothing about this anywhere. It was children ward to the end.”

“That’s weird.” you sighed and a moment later you could hear a scratching noise, like a chair against the floor.

“Shit.” Sam said with camera facing old chairs next to one of the walls. What attracted his attention was fact that the chairs weren’t in places they were a minute ago.

Next moment later your attention was turned to hissing Sam who hold his side with one hand.

Colby quickly took camera from the blonde while you lifted your boyfriend’s hoodie just to see a red handprint.

“Oh my god.” you gasped and Colby zoomed camera to give viewers a better look on the red spot “It literally looks like someone slapped you. Did it felt like it?”

“No.” Sam shook his head squeezing your hand in his “I felt like something was touching my side and then it suddenly felt hot.”

Before anyone could say anything more, Colby hissed and you could see handprint starting to show on his collarbone.

“It felt just like you described it.” Colby frowned “Is there something?”

“Yeah, it looks the same as Sam’s handprint.” you stated taking camera from him to show both boys and the red spots.

Then there was a loud noise coming from the same examination room as earlier.

You went there, boys following you and when you were in the room there wasn’t anything special but then the doors closed themselves loudly behind you.

“What the hell?” you pointed camera at the closed door and Sam went to open them. They, thankfully, opened and you quickly got out.

“Okay, something is wrong.” you stated giving camera to Colby. Sam looked worried and stood next to you. “I can’t explain this but I just know that something is so not right.”

“Our equipment.” Sam pointed out suddenly. Their equipment was scattered carelessly around the floor. It wasn’t like that when you went to that room.

“It’s dead.” you said picking up the spirit box that wasn’t flashing a red light anymore. “Or broken.”

“Shit, it must drained energy from it.” Colby said.

Suddenly you felt like something pulled your hand and you thought it was Sam but when you looked behind you, Sam was good few inches away from you.

“What the hell, something just grabbed and pulled my hand.” you frowned and Sam grabbed your hand giving it a squeeze.

Then something pulled Sam’s hair and you all could feel temperature in room changing. It was freezing.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked massaging his scalp.

“Someone is angry and feel need to be violent. I think it might be a doctor because it has, like authority aura around itself.” you explained.

“There was this one doctor that died here.” Sam told you “He died because of hypothermia in the winter.”

“It would explain the temperature changing.” Colby deduced.

You heard big thud from examination room.

“It wants us there.” Sam offered and started walking that way but you stopped him grabbing his hand and shaking your head.

“We shouldn’t go there, it’s luring us there with bad intentions in mind.” you said and boys looked impressed.

“It has a lot of energy if it’s the same one who was doing sounds during our tour.” said your boyfriend.

Again, big thud, this time closer to you.

“We should get out boys.” you stated “Something bad is about to happen. And it won’t end well for any of us.”

Sam and Colby knew your intuition was almost never failing so they just started packing and Colby said to their viewers “Remember that your health is the most important while things like this and that’s why we don’t wanna risk now, especially with y/n with us.”

“You cannot follow us home or hurt us.” Sam said sternly.

You quickly got out of the hospital and you could hear constant thuds, knocking and footsteps behind you that ended just when you were safely out of the building.

“It’s mad we got away.” you informed boys. They gulped and quickly said few words to the camera as an outro and you all got into the car and drove away from the hospital.

“I think we should go back there after some time. And take more people. And do that estes method in the backyard.” Sam said holding your hand between seats.

“Yeah, that’s good idea. We should take Nate and Seth.” Colby offered.

Not longer later you were in your and Sam’s hotel room sitting on his lap.

“Your cheek is more red than before.” he pouted kissing delicately the scratches.

“It will go away in few days.” you assured.

“It might scar.” he frowned.

“It’s okay.” you knew he felt bad for taking you there “Don’t feel bad, it’s not your fault and I wanted to go there.” you reminded and he just sighed and kissed you.

“I’m glad it only ended with scratches and not something worse.” he started peppering your face with small kisses and you smiled.

“Me too.”

This time you started a kiss.

[lazycats-stuff]

Ra's Al Ghul x male!reader

@wisecreatorprofessorwolf, a second part for you. Also, this version is also hot.

Ra's Al Ghul x male reader - a first part to this.

Summary: (Y/N) came back from a date. The others will lose their minds.

Warnings:

After a nice breakfast in the hotel and a little bit of more fun, Ra's knew he had to bring (Y/N) back to the manor, otherwise he will have the Detective and the rest of the family will be going after him. And that's something he didn't want.

The drive in the car was peaceful and (Y/N) knew he had love bites peaking from the collar of the shirt that Ra's has sent him as a gift as a part of the suit. He had to make sure that everyone knows who his beloved is.

And can you blame him?

" Are you in any pain? " Ra's asked for the nth time and (Y/N) shook his head.

" Ra's, I'm not in pain. I would tell you so. " (Y/N) said with a smile on his face as he leaned his head on Ra's shoulder. (Y/N) was still tired and he had relied on Ra's to help him get dressed. He is so going to sleep until lunch.

" How are you still tired? " Ra's asked softly and kissed his forehead. (Y/N) shrugged his shoulders. He was always tired, but your body and mind get used to it.

" You should sleep a little bit longer. " Ra's suggested and (Y/N) nodded.

" I will. Also, do you have my number? " (Y/N) asked and Ra's nodded, unsure where this is going.

" Good. Next time don't send me gifts that lowkey freak me out, just call. "

" And what exactly freaked you out? " Ra's asked, afraid of his plans backfiring.

" Well, the flowers were fine, but the suit kind of scared me. It felt like you broke the sanctity of my room you know? " (Y/N) said and Ra's squeezed him a bit tighter.

" My apologies beloved, I didn't mean to scare you. " Ra's said and (Y/N) raised his head to kiss him on the lips.

" Now you know. And if you decided to send me gifts, then leave them at the front door or just let me know so I can pick it up myself. But no more going into my room without my permission. " (Y/N) said with a smile and Ra's nodded, cupping (Y/N)'s face to kiss him again.

(Y/N) allowed it and Ra's felt at ease. " Of course beloved. Whatever you wish. " Ra's murmured, kissing (Y/N) on the cheek.

" Good. Now, I suggest you start thinking about our second date. "

Ra's smirked and raised his brow. " Is that so? "

" Yes. You will have to court me in order for B to see that you are serious. " (Y/N) said with a smile that reached his eyes and Ra's made sure it was etched into his memory.

The car stopped and (Y/N) undid his seatbelt. Ra's kissed him once more before letting (Y/N) leave the car. (Y/N) closed the door of the car and Ra's didn't leave until (Y/N) was inside.

(Y/N) sighed as he walked through the hall, hearing the chatter of his family. They stopped when they saw (Y/N)'s appearance.

" Oh God. " Was the only thing that Bruce said before burying his face into his hands.

Jason shook his head and Dick's jaw was on the ground. Tim put his coffee mug down, rubbing his forehead. Damian seemed to be the only one who wasn't concerned.

Alfred sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He was hoping for some strength.

" He defiled my son. " Bruce said as he accepted a glass of scotch from Alfred who also poured himself some.

" Bru- "

" He defiled my grandson. " Alfred added and took a sip of scotch.

" You slept with him? " Jason ask as he had to sit down. This is insane.

" Will you lot relax? " (Y/N) asked and Alfred looked him like he was insane.

" I'm sorry- Relax?! " Jason exploded and (Y/N) sighed.

" Yes. "

Damian looked at (Y/N)'s body language. There was no sign of discomfort. " Did he hurt you? " Damian asked and (Y/N) shook his head.

" He didn't Dames. He treated with outmost care in the world. " (Y/N) said to Damian who nodded. No signs of lying. Good.

" Good. If he does, let us know. " Damian said, a dark look passing through his eyes.

" Will do. Also, there will be a second date. Just to let you all know. " (Y/N) said and Bruce downed his scotch in one gulp. (Y/N) grimaced a little bit.

Bruce never drinks. Alfred muttered something as he downed his too.

" Guys- "

" (Y/N), I will have to talk to Ra's. " Bruce started and Alfred just glanced at the pantry, where one of his beloved shotguns was waiting.

" The second date will be here. End of story. " Bruce said and Alfred smirked to himself.

" Alfred, no. No nonono. Absolutely not. " (Y/N) said and Alfred just nodded in pure satisfaction.

" If you want to move forward with whatever this is, I have to talk to him. " Bruce said and Alfred smirked and (Y/N) sighed.

" Okay. Fair enough. " (Y/N) said and Jason frowned.

" (Y/N), you are covered in bite marks. " Jason said and (Y/N) just smirked.

" I know. " (Y/N) said as he left the room, snorting at the gagging noises from the kitchen.

The second date came a week later. Ra's wasn't shocked by the insistence of Bruce and the others wanting to talk to him about dating their brother, son and grandson. (Y/N) was very nervous, knowing exactly how they were going to react and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Everyone was going to make Ra's time here awful and (Y/N) was afraid of what was going to transpire tonight. Well, there is on certain thing that is going to go south.

They will push Ra's buttons until he snaps and then maybe shows that he wouldn't treat (Y/N) the way he is supposed to and then that would show that he isn't worthy of (Y/N).

And that's what made (Y/N) nervous. He wanted to pursue this with Ra's, he really did, but what if Bruce somehow managed to turn Ra's against the idea of pursuing this?

(Y/N) would never forgive Bruce and he would move out effective immediately. He would even relinquish his suit and the title. If Ra's plans to use him somehow, then that's on him. He knows he is smart, intelligent and he knows when he is being played.

He has enough experience to know when he is being played and used for something more than the other people were letting on. He always knew. And yes, while Ra's is different type of person than your average man trying to use your last name for fame, it's different with him.

(Y/N) could feel it in his bones. He really did. And he wanted this to work. He talked to Ra's on the phone before hand and asked him what is he going to do. Maybe Ra's could sense the worry in (Y/N)'s voice and maybe Ra's knows what is going to happen, but Ra's comforted (Y/N).

He told (Y/N) that no matter what happened tonight, he would stay with (Y/N). And he offered for him to stay with him at his base, far away from Gotham. (Y/N) chuckled at the suggestion, but said to wait until the dinner finished.

(Y/N) sighed quietly as he made his way down the stairs, knowing that Ra's is going to be here in matter of minutes. Ra's is always on time, no matter what, just like on the first date they had. (Y/N) smiled as he got down, hearing the car drive in.

He ignored Alfred who made a point to clean his shotgun on the table.

" Alfred, I love you, but do you have to clean it here? " (Y/N) asked, head snapping to the front door opening and voices in the hall.

" Yes master (Y/N). He needs to know what he is in for. " Alfred replied casually and (Y/N) walked off, wanting to see Ra's. He saw Ra's where Bruce and Damian were talking to him. Ra's eyes lit up when he saw (Y/N) and ever so kindly passed Bruce and Damian and then quickly hugged (Y/N).

" It's so nice to see you habibi. I missed you a lot. " Ra's whispered into his ear before parting and then showing him the flowers he got. Asterias once more.

" Thank you Ra's. " (Y/N) accepting the flowers from Ra's. (Y/N) quickly glanced at Bruce to see what Ra's has brought. A bottle of what looked like Scotch. Well, it's a fancy looking bottle.

He glanced back at Ra's who gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before going to the kitchen. (Y/N) followed closely, wanting to see what Alfred was going to do.

Alfred didn't clean it anymore, but instead picked it up, clearly showing it off to Ra's. Then he put it back in the pantry again, just in case. You never know.

" Mister Pennyworth. " Ra's said and Alfred gave him the biggest side eye that (Y/N) has ever seen.

Here we go.

" Ra's. Do sit, dinner will be served shortly. " Alfred said and Ra's sat down. (Y/N) sat down next to him and he saw a side eye directed from Jason to Ra's. (Y/N) glared back at him as he sat down the opposite of them. Alfred served everyone before sitting down himself.

It was quiet at first and everyone ate.

That was until Bruce start his line of interrogation.

" Ra's, why did you ask my son out on a date? " Bruce asked, taking a bite of the tasty lamb. Ra's looked up from his plate directly into Bruce's eyes.

" Because I have feelings for him. " Ra's answered simply before glancing at Alfred. " I must say, this is one of the best lambs I have ever eaten. "

Alfred gave him a look that told (Y/N) that now it wasn't the time for compliments. Usually Alfred happily accepted compliments, but now it seems like Alfred is going to kill anyone who tried to compliment him.

" And when did those feelings start? " Dick took over the questioning.

" When he started college. " Ra's answered quickly and shortly.

" And there isn't a ploy of any kind? I don't believe it. " Jason said, honest and direct as always.

" You don't have to believe it. I promised to (Y/N) that there isn't any kind of ploy. In regards to him, Bruce and Damian. " Ra's clarified to Jason and Jason didn't show any emotion.

" And the presents? (Y/N) was freaked out by them. " Tim asked, looking up from his plate.

" I promised to not send that way anymore. They will be delivered here and if necessary, (Y/N) will be warned before hand. " Ra's said to Tim and Tim seemed happy with the explanation.

" I'm going to cut through all of this slow interrogation. " Alfred interjected. " I see the way you look at him and that can't be faked. But, if you hurt my grandson in any way, shape or form, myself and my shotgun that you have seen will be the last thing you will ever see and you will not will be able to come back to life. I don't share the no kill rule with master Bruce. " Alfred said in a voice that (Y/N) has never heard.

(Y/N) felt afraid of Alfred and that was something that he never thought he would think about Alfred. But he knew that he had his back and that he will protect him, even when he is in his college years and able to protect himself.

" I can assure you, all of you- " Ra's stopped for a moment to take (Y/N)'s hand into his. " - That I have genuine feelings for (Y/N). There is nothing sinister behind my feelings. " Ra's said and (Y/N) melted inside.

Ra's really loves him. Ra's really loves him.

Everyone was silent at first and then Damian just murmured good. (Y/N) glanced at Damian who gave him a small subtle smile.

" Now that everything got out of the way, can we eat desserts? " (Y/N) asked and Alfred nodded, cleaning up the table. (Y/N) knew that he made cheesecake, (Y/N)'s favorite dessert.

" Now is everyone at peace? " (Y/N) asked and nobody gave him an answer, everyone pointedly looked everywhere else.

" Oh come on! "

" What do you want us to say? We are having a family dinner with Ra's al Ghul! " Jason retorted and (Y/N) just sighed and Ra's lifted his hand to kiss it.

(Y/N) melted again.

" I just have to say that I won't stop Alfred. I have no power over him. " Bruce said, putting some of Alfred's cheesecake into his mouth.

" That much is true. " Alfred said as he served (Y/N) and Ra's their dessert.

" Although, I don't understand what (Y/N) sees in you, but I trust his judgement. " Jason said, rubbing his hands together at the sight of a cheesecake.

" At least somebody trusts me. " (Y/N) said and Damian glared at him.

" Okay, Damian trusts me too. " (Y/N) said with a smile and Damian grumbled something out.

" I trust you oo (Y/N), but knowing Ra's, I am worried about you. I am your father and all of you worry me. And I guess only time will tell. And if something happens between you two and you need to get away, manor is always open to you. " Bruce said from his spot.

" Now, " He said standing up. " I hope that scotch you brought isn't poisoned or tempered with. I need some right now. " Bruce added walking off to look for the expensive scotch.

" Well that went well. " (Y/N) said to Ra's and Ra's nodded in agreement.

" Well, I appreciate the dinner and the talk, but I have to go. Thank you for this dinner. " Ra's said and stood up and (Y/N) stood up with him.

" I will walk you out. " (Y/N) said and led Ra's back outside. They stood outside for a moment before Ra's leaned down to kiss him. (Y/N) allowed it and smiled into the kiss.

Ra's cupped (Y/N)'s face as he deepened it and (Y/N) melted into his embrace. After parting for air, the two hugged, staying in silence.

" I will come by in a week, I have a mission approaching. " Ra's started, hands wandering to his lower back. " And then I will take you out on our third date. " Ra's whispered into (Y/N)'s hair and (Y/N) hummed in agreement. The the two pulled away and Ra's went to his car.

(Y/N) watched as the car sped off. (Y/N) sighed happily before going inside. Everyone was eavesdropping and Jason gagged.

" Really? " (Y/N) asked as he pushed past them all.

" Yes really! " Jason called after (Y/N) as he ran up the stairs to his room. (Y/N) can't wait for the week to pass.

[ingravinoveritas]

How did u feel with the age gap question was it pr or do u really think he meant it and this was the truth

This is referring to the question asked on The Assembly last night. I'll post the clip here, for those who haven't seen it yet:

A lot of what I felt while watching this was touched on in this incredibly thoughtful post from @body-face-words, so I encourage folks to give that a read. But I think for me, when it comes to Michael's answer, it's not a matter of whether he lied or told the truth. It's that his response was sweet, but it was also a version of the truth that sounded convincing because it needed to, because this was not a time or place where he could say what he actually felt.

I'm really not sure what people expected him to say, in all honesty, as he was never going to say anything that would make him or Anna look bad, and especially not anything that could potentially negatively impact the kids, so he instead gave a very perfect PR answer. This again does not come as a surprise because we know Michael has scripted his answers about AL/their relationship in the past, but I noticed how careful he was in his response, which seems to contrast with how off-the-cuff he normally is when discussing every other subject. Part of what so many of us love about Michael is how unfiltered he is and always has been, with the exception of how much he filters and edits himself when talking about Anna.

It also seemed like, at least from my perspective, that Michael answered the question without answering the question. What the girl asked wasn't so much about the age gap, but about AL being five years older than Michael's daughter Lily, and it would've been a perfect opportunity for him to mention her, or how the relationship with AL affected his and Lily's relationship. He could've talked about the falling out he had with her (and Kate) in 2019 once AL's existence/pregnancy came to light, and what has happened in the years since, or how Lily now gets along with Anna/her half-sisters. But instead Michael deflected from all of that and talked about everything while saying nothing at the same time.

It was also the things Michael didn't say that stood out as much as the things he did. In the entire answer to the question, Michael never once used the word "love." Prior to the show airing, I saw a lot of people online confident that he would say that he loves Anna, but he never did. He never praised her, never talked about the things he loves about her, or how glad he is to be with her. He never once mentioned her by name. The pivot and focus was on the kids, and there was a clear distinction made between how happy he is to have the family he does, rather than to be in the relationship that he is in. Michael's use of the phrase "very happy" was also identical to the wording of a comment AL wrote on Instagram the other day, which added to the whole "reinforcing a public narrative" feeling of his response.

I think what struck me most of all, though, was how somber and heavyhearted Michael sounded while saying how happy he is. It reminded me of the song "I Am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel, where the upbeat and cheerful music contrasts starkly with the fraught, angry lyrics. There was no sparkle in Michael's eyes when he said it, no enthusiasm for what he was saying (which is particularly jarring when we know Michael has the capacity for incredible enthusiasm), and his face never lit up while he was talking.

There was one specific moment (which is also highlighted in the body language post) where he seemed to visibly wince and the micro-expressions were in overdrive, and it immediately made me think of a moment from Good Omens:

Time and again, I have seen fans talk about Michael's micro-expressions as an actor and how he uses them to such devastating effect (especially in the role of Aziraphale). And while these two moments are not completely identical, the idea of ignoring how Michael uses those same micro-expressions in real life makes no sense to me at all. In this instance, what we're seeing could be either because he has put so much of himself into Aziraphale that we can now recognize those "Michael" moments...or it could be because in both clips he is performing, albeit for different reasons.

The difference between Michael when he is doing this vs. when he is being genuinely himself is made even more apparent by the question immediately following this one. Unprompted, he brings up David, and the change in his expression and demeanor is swift and dramatic:

Having the mention of David happen so soon after the AL question seemed to highlight so many things. I can't help but feel that David is a security blanket for Michael, something he hides behind when he is feeling anxious or sad or overwhelmed. I wondered if perhaps he was even already thinking of David while answering the AL question, which would explain why he named him so readily--as if his mind needed to drift to someplace else just to finish answering that question.

To me, this made it abundantly clear that David is Michael's safe place. Here was where we saw Michael's eyes sparkling. Here was where we saw him light up from the inside. And it was David he kept returning to and bringing up during the rest of the show in response to other questions. So if that doesn't speak volumes about where Michael's heart seems to be, I'm not sure what does.

So yes, those are my thoughts on Michael answering the age gap question on The Assembly. As always, this is just my interpretation, but I am glad to hear from my followers with your take as well. Thanks for writing in! x

[writingdisposal]

I can't stop thinking about Vox.

There two ways to think about Vox as a regular love interest. You could think that because this might be his first time ever genuinely liking someone, he'd stumble over his words and struggle to charm their little crush. He is just so overwhelmed with these new emotions. He doesn't know how to act, especially when his old tactics don't result in the expected reactions from you.

This version is cute, but I feel like, it's inaccurate to his character. I can agree that you might be his first genuine crush, but I don't think he'd get nervous that badly.

The first times these emotions rise up, he swallows them down. Yeah, yeah, a pretty face walks by. Of course, it'll peak his interest, but he can't lose sight of his goals and that is to broaden his influence. He will only have to confront his crush once you both get to talking.

"The name's Vox," he lowly spoke, placing a gentle kiss on the back of your hand, "It's a pleasure meeting you." Quickly you take your hand back, not hiding your disinterest. "Oh please, the pleasure is all mine," you reply, noting his smile becoming a little straint, "Let's skip right ahead to business. I don't like wasting my time." "Ah, just the way I like it. Follow me," he said, gesturing you to his office. Vox held open the door, a charming gaze looking back at your stunning face. Up until now, no smile or joy was presented in your attitude, but as you passed him, you shot him a small smile, "Thank you." It made Vox's breath hitch. His eyes widened and his body tensed up a little, yet his smile stayed the same.

An airy chuckle escaped his lips, "No need to thank. Its common courtesy really." "In a place like this? It's rare," you countered, sitting down and waiting for him to follow. Vox quickly shut the door and sat down across from you. Talking to you was easy, especially when a laugh or two snuck in-between. Vox found himself relaxing, enjoying the sound of you voice more so than the actual deal.

This when it hits him that he has a crush. The realisation doesn't stop him or makes him stutter. The only clue you might have of him catching feelings is that he keeps adjusting himself in his seat or talks a little faster. Honestly, nothing else changes. His tone, voice, body language, smile and eyes don't change a bit. Nothing is less or more genuine than before, because Vox is a competent business man first before he is anything else. Over time it'll appear more clear... to others that is. You will stay oblivious because that is how Vox wants it to be. It's going to be far more likely for someone else to tell you that Vox has feelings for you than for him to admit it. Vox isn't a coward about his feelings per say. He will drop you hints when the moment is right, but that is all he is giving. He likes the moments spend together more than anything and if this is all he can get out of this that is just fine by him.

Of course, he wishes for more, but if it isn't what you want, then this is just as good for him. That attitude might change though if you get interested in another demon or spend less time with him. Days that should have been spent together become days where he roughly fucks some whores to let his frustrations out. Those days will also have him casually checking his cameras scattered across town, just to see if you're fine or with someone he should worry about. Naturally you have no idea of this occurring because Vox doesn't want the image of the "suave and charming business man" to slip away. He fears, he can't be this vulnerable with you, at least not now, because you might reject him outright and completely severe contact. So he will continue talking to you, exchanging witty comebacks as well as a flirtatious comment here or there.

Also I think this is clear from the beginning, but just to have added it, Vox would never use his powers on you. It feels forced and that's no fun. He will however use his power to maybe impress you, only if the situation suits it of course.

Ok, that's it. No more thoughts available rn.

[animelovelover123]

V's Yandere Alphabet v2.0

Synopsis: An updated and improved version of my original with more content. For those who have read the original, the big changes can be seen in entries L, P, Q, V, X, and Y.

Author's Note: I wrote the original during a troubling time and it resulted in the project taking 6 months and me hatting it by the end. However, after being encouraged by someone asking me if I would write for the other guys and my completionist side being bugged by how the original alphabet was not complete, I went back in and felt more motivated. I actually kind of want to write for the other guys now! Still no promises though.

The yandere alphabet I am using is an edited version of one made by no gender bee on tumblr. I added missing letters, changed some of the letters/descriptions, and altered some of the grammar (like using Canadian spelling).

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction for personal entertainment. If you are reading this, please understand that drawing/writing/reading/imagining things of this nature does NOT equate to desiring or supporting real-world assault.

Abuse = Could they ever hurt you physically or mentally? What would be the reason?

Physically? No. Mentally, kind of. He would not do it with the intent of causing harm, but some of V’s mental manipulation can hurt. He’ll pull at your heartstrings, saddle you with guilt, and talk in circles to get you to comply with his wishes all while using flowery language to mask the manipulative web he is weaving.

A big one, and the most common form of mental strain he gives you, is when he is desperate for attention and at the end of his rope. He will plead for it, reminding you that neither of you knows how long he has left to live and that he only wants to spend it with you. He does this to show you how much you mean to him, but he is also aware that he is inciting guilt in you. He does not realize how deeply and long it can affect you though until you tell/show him.

Both = You are a Yandere too, what’s their reaction?

V is intrigued and finds it amusing at first. His obsessive tendencies take longer to form, and he also does not believe he will live long so he sees your invasive and manipulative actions as entertaining with no fear of long-term repercussions. Even if you think you are being sneaky, he sees everything you are doing and he enjoys watching your reactions as he either plays along with your schemes or effortlessly evades them.

But once he finds himself falling for you in return, he gets rather depressed. He sees how desperately you want him, yet he knows, no matter how much he wants you as well, that all of your attempts to show your love will be in vain. He’ll try to pull away from you, but the more you chase, the more he wants you.

Then he finds out a way to live longer and his restraints are finally broken. You and he revel in your shared obsession, happily lavishing each other with love and attention. He sees your quirks and views them as romantic gestures. He finds out you have been stealing his things? How it warms his heart to know you want him close at all times even when home alone. Why don’t we move in together darling to save you the trouble? You’ve cancelled his plans with others behind his back? Well, why didn’t you tell him you wanted a night alone? He would love nothing more. You’ve killed a supposed love rival? Snuffing out another's life just because they threatened to take his love, though not necessary as you already have his heart, is such a beautiful display of adoration that he just has to give you a reward~

Crazy = How easy do they enter crazy mode? How do they act when they are in it?

It takes a lot for this man to snap. He is the essence of calm and collected, able to keep his composure in circumstances where most would panic and/or become angry. You could rage at him before walking out the door claiming you will never return, and though he will put up a bit of a fight, he knows deep down that you are just lashing out. After you have time to calm down you will be back in his arms soon enough. Whether by your own means or his, that was yet to be seen. This man could be in the middle of getting arrested and he would comply because he knows that this is not the end. He could easily escape prison and find his way back to you. The only true end is death, and that is what will cause him to snap.

Not his own death per se as that mental break will be directed and contained to himself. If his plan for extended life starts failing, he will fight tooth and nail to survive while rushing through the stages of grief. The most this will affect you is that he will disappear for a while as he tries to find a solution before returning when he realizes there is no hope for him and begs you to stay with him until his last breath.

The true snapping point would be a result of your life almost being lost, particularly if you try to take your own. Knowing or, worse, catching you trying to end your life flips a switch in him. He already had a lot of stress from trying to preserve his own life, but when he realizes that he could lose the primary reason he fought so hard to live all of that effort, panic, and stress gets funneled into caring for you. Now that he perceives a proverbial ticking clock for both of your lives, he will no longer allow a single second to go by without you. He will lock you up in his home and become your caretaker, tying you up so you can’t hurt yourself and taking care of all of your needs himself like feeding you and bathing you. You are his everything, and he will not let a second of both of your possibly short lives not be spent together. (see Kidnapped)

Difference = When can you notice a difference in behaviour in them? What are the first signs that their love for you is unhealthy?

At first V’s yandere tendencies were subdued and easily hidden. For the first couple months of knowing you he was under the belief that he was not long for this world. His body was actively deteriorating and soon he would have to return to Vergil.

But then he found a way that he could continue living as his own person. Maybe through killing and absorbing Urizen’s life force rather than merging with it or by somehow stealing it from others. Either way, there was a chance for him to survive and pursue a relationship with you. That is when he changed and that is when you start noticing his obsession with you.

He won't totally indulge in his attraction to you until he has proof that this lead is viable, but he will suddenly become more affectionate. Where he once kept any compliments and flirtatious remarks shrouded in flowery language so that you could not quite tell if he meant it that way became more direct and regular. The few feet he always put between you two was shorted as much as you would allow.

When he does gain evidence that his plan for a longer life is working, all restraints are off. He immediately goes to you and confesses his love. He may even tell you right then his true origins, why they resulted in him being distant at first, and how now that he has a long life ahead of him he is excited to spend it with you.

Enjoy = Do they enjoy what they’re doing to you, your life and the people around you? Do they show it?

V does worry about how some of his actions affect you. He is a bit of a philosopher type, often getting lost in thoughts or conversations about the deeper meanings and effects things have on people and the world as a whole. He is also introspective so he will occasionally worry himself over what he is doing. This line of thought doesn’t only trigger when you show hints of discomfort or hesitation. You could be perfectly happy, but he is privy to the manipulation and trickery of his that you are falling for. He considers and speculates on how his actions could warp your mind in the long run. And when he pictures the worst-case scenario, he might just guilt himself into admitting to, and apologizing for, a recent misconception he gave you.

He did not say those things with malicious intent, he just wanted to protect you from the cruel world and keep you loving him.

Force = What, if any, kinds of things will they force on you? Isolating from friends and family? Going on dates? Physical affection and/or sexual acts?

If you are a demon, to any extent, V will force you into a contract with him, assuming he is unsuccessful in his initial attempt at convincing you to join willingly. Depending on your battle prowess he will even call you to (relatively easy) fights along with his other familiars. Seeing you in battle is just as beautiful as seeing you dance to him so he will gladly do it as long as the risk of permanent harm is practically nonexistent. No matter how skilled you are in combat though, your primary duty as one of his demons is as a companion. With you being bound to him he can call you to him whenever he wishes to be with you, which is most of the time. He’ll try to offer you space and as much free will as he can, but the more obsessed he becomes the more he will abuse this power over you. One thing to note though is that he will not force you into romantic or sexual acts, even if he technically could through your contract. No matter how much he desired you, he would never hurt you in that way.

Alternatively, say you were a human. He would force you, again assuming you don’t fall for his flowery words, to take on a demon familiar. Not just any demon though. Specifically, he wants you to bond with one of his familiars. If you want more than that that is your prerogative, the more safety you have and empowerment you feel is only a boon, but being partially bonded to one of his familiars is his requirement. He tells you that he wants to keep you safe by giving you access to one, or more, of his demons for protection, and this is true. Though V is their primary master, V will willingly put himself at a disadvantage in battle by allowing you to call one of his familiars for protection. And if you don’t call them V will send them to you. He also advertises the practical benefits of having creatures at your beck and call. One aspect that he does not fully disclose though is how being bonded to a demon under his command also acts as a tracking device for when you try to run. (See Hide)

Gross = What is something they think is really romantic/sweet but is actually horrifying?

He writes letters and notes to you using his blood as ink. Sometimes it is just his signature coloured burgundy, and other times you find whole notes or poems scrawled in thin, inconsistently faded cursive which he delivers to your home or work with a bandaged arm.

He already puts his heart and soul into these letters. To him, offering part of his body with them shows you his complete devotion.

Hide = How easy is it to hide from them?

Depends on if he has bound you to one of his familiars yet.

First, let's assume he hasn't. Then, honestly, it’s pretty easy as he is but one man with not a lot of connections. He can send out his familiars to scan the area for you, but they can not go too far from V. That is only if he works alone though because the few connections he does have are with people who hunt down living creatures as their profession. Sure, hunting a demon is not quite the same as hunting a person down and his friends will initially question why you would run off, but V just has to string together a tail of how you are being influenced by a denizen of hell and that they must find you before it is too late. Sure enough, he will convince the morally just crew of demon hunters to find his love and now half a dozen people are calling in favours and travelling the country looking for you. And when they do find you, even if you try to tell them that you ran away from V willingly, V’s story has already cemented itself in their brains so they will drag you back anyway. A caveat to this plan is that the crew will get more and more suspicious if you run away multiple times and V keeps asking them for their help.

One of the benefits of binding you to one of his demons is that he won't have to risk growing doubt within his friends. With you bound to one of his demons (see Force), no matter where in the world you run V can track your location by getting his familiar to appear around you, scan the area to gather information, and relay it to him. And when he is close enough, the familiar can just pin you down and call out like a siren so V can easily find you.

Improve = Will they be willing to recover from this psychotic state for their lover?

Working off of E for Enjoy, V can find the conviction to be better for you. The problem is that he does not really know how to be better. He has only existed as his own entity for a relatively short time and has no experience with having a healthy relationship. He has only ever had you and the, sometimes maddening, urges to be with you. But because of his overwhelming love for you and the fear that his actions risk harming you, he will work towards being better.

He has to look to healthier relationships, like Nero and Kyrie’s and what little memories of Sparda and Eva’s he retains from Vergil, to understand what they look like and how he himself is failing. And if he can’t make the headway he wishes, being unable to stop himself from telling you subtle lies and trying to monopolize your attention, he will talk to someone about his feelings and urges. He understands that he does not yet really understand how to be human and is not above asking for aid in learning, for his own well-being yes, but mostly for yours.

Justification = Why are they acting like this? When and how did it start?

Upon being created, V knew that he did not have long to live. Soon he would join with Urizen and become Vergil once more. When he first started to fall for you, he knew it would not last due to his minuscule lifespan so would not pursue a romantic relationship. He could not, however, stay away from you. You were like a work of art, so utterly perfect that it was a miracle you even existed in such a cold and cruel world. He tried to accept the brief moments of connection you shared as enough to have him return to Vergil without regrets, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

His body was failing though, crumbling away. Perhaps when he becomes whole again Vergil will be able to be with you. But that would not be the same for you or V, and he knew that.

And then, he found a way to continue living as his own person (See Difference). Now he had a chance to have a life with you. But always lurking in the back of his mind is the fear that this means of sustaining his body and life will fail. He does not know when he will disappear or how quickly it could take him. This is why he needs to always be with you. He doesn’t know how much time he has left and he wants to spend as much of it with you as he can. You understand, don’t you darling?

Kidnap = Are they willing to kidnap you? If so, how will they do it? For how long will they keep you and where?

He will kidnap you if you make the drastic decision to try to end your own life (see Crazy). He has given you the freedom to do what you want, far more than most yanderes would, despite the dangers in the world because he trusted you and himself to keep you safe. But now that even you are a danger to yourself, that shattered any trust V had.

When he finds out what you were trying to do, whether it be through catching you in the act or finding out in the aftermath of a failed attempt, he will bring you to his home. He will tell you, and anyone else privy to your attempt, that he wanted to give you a safe place where you can be monitored, rest, and offer an ear to which you can discuss your feelings and thoughts without judgment. And with him being your partner, if other people knew of your attempt, they would trust him to watch over you and stop you from trying this again. And that was exactly what he would do.

So you spend the night with V in his home where he refuses to leave your side for more than a minute at a time. It was understandable though, right? He was just shaken from what you tried to do. But when you woke up you found your wrists belted together, as were your ankles, and were chained to the bed’s headboard and one of the bed’s end legs respectively.

“My love, you are awake.” V greets as he enters the room, a bowl of oatmeal in his hand. “How wonderful it is to see your beautiful eyes finally open.” You can ask him what is going on, but no matter if you question him in fear, anger, or confusion, he will smile sympathetically as he helps you sit up. “I know this may be a bit frightening my dear, but this is all for your safety. You have somehow come to the heartbreaking and erroneous belief that you should not live and have become a danger to yourself because of it. But worry not, for I love you unconditionally and will care for you in your stead. Now, open up~” He coos as he holds out a spoonful of oatmeal.

V keeps you bound for as long as it takes for him to trust you not to attack him. Still, whenever he leaves the house he chains you to the bed to make sure you don’t try anything. Soon enough he stops going out, instead spending every waking moment coddling you. He feeds you by hand, dresses you, bathes you, and loves you through any bout of emotions, be they positive or negative. You don’t get to step foot outside until after you are knocked out by drugs and discreetly transferred to a new home out in some forest. Once there he will be willing to take you on walks, if you can prove you can behave. Even if you do try to escape though, the forest is enchanted so any human without a demon guide will be lost to endlessly loop through the same areas.

After years of living like this and proving that you don’t intend to leave him or harm yourself, you may just be lucky enough to find out how V was able to keep you locked up and disappear without anyone coming to look for you. You see, your friends and family were devastated when they heard from V that you had killed yourself by running off into a demon nest and letting yourself be eaten. And then it was unfortunate but unsurprising when V, now without the love of his life, spiraled into depression, became a recluse, moved away from the city where he and his love spent their time together, and soon after joined you in the afterlife.

“What a tragic tale, isn’t it dear?” He asks you with a proud smile on his face as he feeds you your lunch.

Lonely = They are feeling lonely but you are busy with something else, what will they do?

V is a patient man. If you are busy with an activity or responsibility, he will wait patiently for you to finish. He has his limits though (See Non-Stop). Also, depending on how urgently the task must be done or the rules regarding it, V would like to get involved.

“What are you doing my songbird? Watching something? May I join you?” “What is that craft you are making? How fascinating… Would you do me the honour of teaching me how to do it?” “What are you so furiously researching love? I would so dearly like to hear all about it, and perhaps I can help you search.”

V wants to learn everything he can about you and be involved with your interests and hobbies. And even if you are doing something that he can not assist in, such as writing a paper for school or work, then he will still insert himself by delivering to you snacks, drinks, messages, or simply his silky voice reading out his poetry to calm you and act as white noise while you focus. As long as it does not harm you or put you in danger, then V wants to support you and uplift you in any way he can.

Moving On = If you die or escape, will they be able to move on? How easy will it be for them?

You are his light, his world, and the number one reason that he fought to stay alive. If you were to leave him, he would be devastated. With you gone so is his will to live, and so he will follow you into the beyond. However, one deciding factor for how he will come to his end is how you met yours. If it was some unforeseen tragedy then he would chase after you into the next world immediately. But if your death was in any way his doing, he would drag out his death. Whether it be through starvation or letting his body deteriorate, whichever was more painful and a fitter punishment for the sins he has committed.

Alternatively, if you were to escape and he could not find you, his will would slowly drain. He would spend more time and energy looking for you and despairing over not being able to find you, he would neglect what he needs to do to stay alive. Slowly his failing body would wither away or, if the option is still available, he may just make a last-ditch effort to become whole again. He knows that death would be an easier option than reforming, but his lingering feelings may unconsciously drive Vergil to keep looking for you and you wouldn’t hide from Vergil, right? Knowing you were at least alive would give V’s broken heart and soul some levity while it rotted away somewhere inside Vergil.

Non-Stop = How clingy will they be when you’re in a relationship? How possessive are they? And how much free space do they give you?

V will give you a great deal more space than most yandere’s. He is fine with you spending time with others, whether he is present or not. He will even allow you to go on multiple-day-long trips, like road trips or vacations, with others. Seeing you happy and hearing you excitedly recount your outings was a joy in it of itself for him. Hearing you talk with exuberance and seeing your radiant smile as you describe the event you attended, the activity you did, and the conversations you had was just enough to make missing you worth it. It also helps that he is an introvert so is more than okay with spending some time for himself.

There is a limit to this though. If you have a job or attend school then he can get by with having you in the morning and evening. He will encourage you and praise you for your hard work before and after each day while enjoying having you all to himself. But if, on top of this, you are going out with friends two or three days a week then he’ll get antsy. He won’t get in the way, but he will get a bit needy and clingy, doing things like wanting to walk you to and from places just to spend more time with you and inviting you on more dates and activities to offset how much you go out with others.

But if others try to take up more of your time than that, V will become a lot more proactive. Suddenly you start ‘forgetting’ your phone in the other room all the time, meaning you miss calls and texts. Your calendar and alarms start messing up more, giving you incorrect times and dates causing you to miss events. V seemingly becomes more worried about your well-being. Do you have a bit of a cough? Feeling warmer than usual? A bit of a headache? Well, then it is best if you stay home. Even if it seems small now, exserting yourself by going out could just make things worse. Besides, the weather report said it might rain. So just rest at home today, V will be there to care for you.

Other = Someone else speaks to or flirts with you, how will they react?

V is usually very confident and trusting of you to not betray him so does not mind when others speak to you. He doesn’t blame the person either because you are a truly fascinating person that V can’t get enough of, so others wanting to get to know you is only logical. Other’s flirting with you is usually a similar story, as he trusted you implicitly. But that does not mean he is always complicit. If you or the person give him a reason to worry, such as you seemingly reciprocating that flirtation or the person overstepping boundaries, then V will act.

It won’t be a full-on assault, physically or verbally, it will be a subtle, insidious poison that he seeps into the bothersome person. Through his words he will gracefully belittle and insult the person while showcasing his superior knowledge and sharp wit. Most of his comments don’t even immodestly register as insults, instead, they will weigh the person down bit by bit until their confidence is but dust in the wind and they realize that they have no chance in besting V in his control over your heart.

Persistent = You have rejected/ignored their first attempts at gaining your attention. How many more times will they try and how quickly will their actions ramp up in intensity?

Before discovering a means of sustaining himself, he will see your rejection or obliviousness to his signs of affection as signs and reminders to not pursue you as it will only end in heartbreak. However, if, after proving to himself that he can indeed survive his once-set expiration date and he confesses to you (See Difference), you somehow misunderstand his confession, perhaps as some kind of bout of manic joy from being able to extend his life, then he will take time to calm down so you know he is being serious and tell you honestly and blatantly. He has already waited for so long, suppressing the calling of his heart and soul, and he will not waste another moment of his life not cherishing and worshiping you as you so deserve.

Questioned = How do they react if someone catches on to their odd behaviour and questions them?

V is calm, composed, levelheaded, and a master at manipulation and the ways of the English language. If someone starts questioning his actions then he can easily lead, twist, loop, and end the conversation like a conductor to an orchestra with the other speaker left satisfied and a bit confused on the topic and point of the conversation.

Risk = How risky will they be with getting rid of rivals?

V has no intention of killing anyone. He loves you and, though you may not see it now, he knows you love him too. But if he really feels the need to dispose of someone, he has to be careful. Not so much because he fears the police or the friends and family of the victim. They could easily be tricked and manipulated into cooperating. It was his own family and friends that posed a problem. Dante, Nero, Kyrie, they would never understand. They don’t understand how deep his love is for you. If they found out he killed someone to protect his relationship with you, they would try to intervene or, worst of all, try to get you away from him. V can’t risk that.

So he carefully plans out his assassination. He can’t use his familiars because there is a chance that as soon as the police/family realize the murder was done by a demon they may call Lady or Dante’s businesses for help and they can spot Griffon, Shadow, and Nightmare’s work easily. And a physical altercation, even with the aid of weapons, would cause too much of a scene. So instead, V will kill with discreet methods, such as poison, or a disposable method, such as forming a contract with a demon, sending them out on their elimination mission, and then killing the new demon familiar so it could not be traced back to V.

Sweet = Even when they’re Yandere they can be sweet. What’s their sweet Yandere side?

You are his world, his everything, and he will tell you that often. Every day he tells you and shows you how much he appreciates you and all you do, for him and others. Being able to wake up beside you, spend time with you, and hold you at night is a blessing that he will always cherish, no matter how long you are together.

Type = What type of Yandere are they?

Going off of the Yandere Fandom Wiki’s list, V would mostly be a Manipulative Yandere (Focuses on working a series of situations to prevent losing their love.) with a bit of a Submissive Yandere (Only in love with one specific person and will carry out any task asked of them.).

V has a way with words and with his ability to stay calm and collected no matter the intricate lies he is weaving, he will subtly manipulate you into things like spending more time with him and fending off anyone who seriously threatens your relationship (See Other). He won’t just have you wrapped around his finger, as he will also make others question themselves or change their mind through his poetic, complex, cryptic wording. This can range from telling your family and friends that they should not make you go to some even, claiming things like how tired and stressed you are when in reality he just wants more time alone with you, to even beneficial things like convincing your teachers or boss to treat you better because you are such an amazing student/worker.

There is also little he wouldn’t do for you. He will of course do small things if you ask like taking you to and from appointments no matter the ungodly hour it is happening and taking you on dates to all the places you are interested in. But he will do so much more if only you ask it of him. For example, if you come to him for help, telling him about some person or group that is hurting you somehow, either directly or through association, and ask him to get rid of them, he will.

Unsure = How much trust do they have in you? What happens if you break it?

V trusts you a great deal, more than most yandere. Even when you make small mistakes he will quickly forgive you and assure you that he understands that you are doing your best and don’t truly mean any harm. If you do something drastic though, that is different. There is what will happen if you try to hurt yourself (See Kidnapping), but if you do something like cheat on him he will be devastated. He will blame himself for the most part, assuming he has failed to provide you with the love and affection you desire and is determined to be better. He will follow you without being too pushy, not quite a stalker but he will reappear in your life every couple of weeks to try to win your heart back. And between each meeting, he would work on improving himself in any way he thinks he is failing you, from physical to social to financial. At times he may even consider leaving you be, letting you go free, but he can’t help but be drawn to you. In the end, he would rather give up on life rather than give up on you.

Vexation = What is the one thing that you could do to piss them off or worry them the most?

V does not really get angry, being levelheaded enough to stay calm and give you and himself some space if he is getting frustrated. As for worrying him, the thing that will unsettle and worry him the most is if you suddenly, without plausible reason, start claiming that you love him and saying overly sweet things. If you were to say ‘I love you’ without complete sincerity he would see it as the complete opposite. You must be upset and/or unhappy in some way. Though he does not want to pry, if you keep forcing words of affection out it will eat away at him until he pleads for you to stop and instead tell him what it is that is driving you to hurt him like this.

Welcome = Let’s say they’re Yandere for you but you’ve not had your first meeting. How do they initiate it?

If you two have not officially met but you have caught V’s eye, he will avoid approaching you due to the belief that he will return to Vergil soon. He does not wish to hurt you by charming you and then disappearing, though that does have a romantic air to it. So perhaps he will allow himself to be seen once or twice if the situation requires. For example, if you are attacked by demons he will jump in to save you, maybe take a moment to let his mysterious and alluring aura seep in before disappearing like a masked hero, never truly known but leaving a sense of mysticism. At least this way, when the being known as V does disappear from this world, he will live on in you to a small extent.

If/when he knows that he can prolong his life, he will search for you right away. He’ll want to keep up his dark, mysterious, romantic aura as much as possible to make a good impression. This includes not giving you all the answers right away, slipping into the shadows and reappearing for the first few meets, and not letting you meet the blabbermouth Griffon or the horrific Nightmare, at least not at first. Shadow you may meet because he trusts her to not ruin the moment and may even add to his allure as he has a powerful jungle cat at his whim.

He has read countless poems and stories of romance, and he will use that to his advantage to make your introduction to him as perfect as possible.

Xeric = What is an innocuous thing you do that hits a nerve in their twisted mind and really turns them on?

Whether it is done casually during a time when you are relaxing and holding each other or if he is in the middle of something and your wandering mind leads you to do it, having you lightly trace the patterns of his tattoos sets his body and heart on fire faster then he is able to ask you why you are doing it. Having your fingers delicately glide along his skin has him twisting, arching, and bending into your touch, trembling slightly as soft gasps that sometimes sound more like moans, slip from his lips.

Yearning = They want you but you are already with someone else. How will they win you over/steal you from your current partner?

V will not even try. He is already hesitant to get close to you with his mission of becoming Vergil again. You being in a happy relationship with another offers him a melancholy peace as he knows that once he is gone you will be taken care of. In this circumstance, he will not even bother looking for a way to extend his life and simply complete the task he was created to do.

Zealot = If everything fails, will they be able to kill their partner? For the most part, no. Even if you fight, run, reject, and abandon him over and over he will never be pushed to kill you. The only circumstance in which he would take your life is if you have been irreparably damaged, physically or mentally. If, because of a demon attack, the cruelty of the world infecting you with an incurable disease, or you have lost your mind, if your life is nothing but suffering, he will mercy kill you. And he would follow you soon after, to be able to hold you in the afterlife and watch you be free of this pain.

[philaet0s]

So I decided to start posting my social media AU here, in parts, and without the few bits that happen off social media that will be on the ao3 version <3

As an introduction, here’s a little bit of context:

Baz is an world-famous singer. At the beginning of the story, he’s about to go on tour for his 5th album

He and Simon are in a relationship but it’s not public. Simon asks Baz if he can make a twitter account where he claims to be Baz’s boyfriend because he thinks it’d be fun to see how people react

Baz’s albums, because I’ve thought about them a lot —except for the first one— lol:

Ergo, - 2019

→ he just wanted to be pretentious with a latin word honestly + the word “ergo” has this intrinsic meaning of consequence. for something to have a consequence, there *has* to be a something, but there’s nothing that comes before the album. it’s his first. it’s a sort of oxymoron with just one word, something contradictory at its core, Baz likes that

I don’t really know what Baz’s first album is like. the themes would probably be rather dark, but I don’t have a clear idea of what the album would represent like i do for the others. and yet i know there’s an album before those others. something that started it all

Flowers in the Water - 2020

→ a reference to Ophelia from Hamlet, who drowned surrounded by flowers. in this album baz explores his feelings after his break up. he was the one to leave his boyfriend who he was in a pretty toxic relationship with though he still had love for him. so he never had much agency during the relationship (as Ophelia doesn’t have agency during most of the play and her life) and the one time he acted on his own, he ‘ruined his life’ -the feeling of despair after a break up, when you think you’ll never find love like that again, even if it was bad (as Ophelia did when she killed herself). Cliché image of the break up as a sort of death, but you can be cliché when you’re heartbroken

baz’s ex used to buy him flowers, so there was this vase in their flat that for a long time always had flowers in it. after a while, towards the end of the relationship, baz noticed that it had been a moment since there had been flowers in the vase, and that was one of the things that made it hit that his bf didn’t care about him anymore

BUT the ‘vase’ is replaced by ‘water’ in the title of the album – a nice metonymy – to better fit the Ophelia reference.

Portrait of the Artist as a Madman - Feb. 2021

obvious reference to james joyce’s Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Baz reread the book during lockdown so he had that title in mind. he used Madman instead of Young Man because we all went a little crazy during lockdown so that was his state of mind when he wrote the album

his most reflexive album, in which he writes very personal things about who he was and is, but also his persona as a singer and the way the music industry impacts him and his life

The Prophecy - Sept. 2021

baz really wanted to use the word prophecy in a title. it’s his favourite word in the english language. it’s a very meaningful word, prophecies were a huge deal for ancient civilisations, prophets are important figures in the abrahamic religions + he likes the idea of a prophecy, something being foretold, an inevitable end, no matter what one does. it’s very tragic, he likes that

this album is about his new relationship with simon, a romantic piece about how when they met, he felt like their story had already been written and all they had to do was play it out, he felt this inevitability that he associates with prophecies. simon is the love that was foretold for him

Metamorphoses - 2022

in reference to Ovid’s metamorphoses. Baz reuses some of the stories in the Metamorphoses while also applying them to his life, creating songs that are a blend of mythology and personal. (his fans love trying to guess what is merely his interpretation of Ovid’s stories and what is personal elements he added to the songs). the songs are ordered in a way that shows how baz was transformed throughout his life to become the version of himself he is at the time of writing the album. a sort of memoir told through a dozen songs

Paroxysm - 2023

paroxysm: a sudden sharp attack (of pain, rage, laughter, etc)

the meaning of the word is why baz chose it as a title. he thought it fit the album, which he wrote very differently from his previous ones –in bursts. his creativity was renewed after Metamorphoses, which was a project that felt to him more like writing a book than songs, and it expressed itself differently. in this album, the topics he writes about are all different, with nothing to give a coherent theme to the album… which is the theme in itself. all the songs are little paroxysms

[room-surprise]

do you think the lamb stew kabru mentioned could be some variation of rogan josh?

omg anon I'm so sorry, you sent this message just when my life was going completely insane (tree fell on house, living in a hotel, etc), and I wanted to answer you but I just didn't have time... So I forgot.

And then another anon (or maybe it's still you!) sent me another, similar ask!

Which reminded me that I needed to answer you-- and now them, too!!

Food is not an area of expertise for me, so I had to look up all of these dishes. I'd heard the term "gorkhali" before, and heard of rogan josh, but that's as far as my knowledge went.

Let's talk about what we know about where Kabru comes from and what foods he likes, the food culture of South Asia in the real world, and then we can discuss if any of these dishes might be Kabru's childhood lamb stew!

I've written about the real world cultural references Kui has made with Kabru's character before. Evidence that Kabru is from a fantasy version of South Asia (India/Nepal), and Where exactly in fantasy South Asia is Kabru possibly from?

Two additional data points that suggest Kabru could be from a fantasy version of South Asia are his love of tomatoes, and mutton stew being an important dish from his childhood. What does that mean?

THE CULTURAL OVERLAP BETWEEN INDIA, NEPAL AND TIBET

An important thing to note while discussing the cultures of this region is that all three modern countries have a lot of cultural overlap. So many of the foods eaten in one country are also eaten in the other two, with minor variations.

I'm attempting to generalize and speak broadly as best I can, but I am not an expert, so I apologize for any errors on my part. Sometimes finding English-language information on these topics is challenging.

The cuisine of Nepal is a mix of Nepal's own unique culture, plus the influence of its neighbors, India and Tibet.

The Nepali diet primarily consists of rice, wheat, corn, lentils coupled with fresh vegetables and meats. A typical Nepali every-day meal can be characterized by Dal (lentil soups), Bhat (steamed rice) and Tarkari (vegetables), also known as "The Trinity", supplemented by some meat.

STEW OR CURRY?

Though many people think of them as two distinct things, curries are a type of stew, so I think it's valid to look at both stews and curries when trying to identify Kabru's childhood stew.

TOMATOES IN THE CUISINE OF THE INDIAN SUBCONTINENT

Tomatoes turn up in dishes all over the Indian subcontinent, but they are not a traditional ingredient in the local cuisine. Europeans introduced New World foods like chilies, potato and tomato to the region in the 16th century, at which point they were added to the food culture, and in many cases the modern version of these recipes has completely eclipsed the traditional one, both on the Indian subcontinent and abroad.

But while potatoes and chilies were adopted almost immediately, the tomato did not catch on until centuries later, in the 1860s, and they did not become a widespread part of the local culture until the 1960s.

Because of this, the popular global idea of food from the Indian subcontinent often has tomatoes in it, while traditional recipes do not... And this is interesting because Kui tells us Kabru's favorite food is tomatoes! I'm guessing she chose tomatoes because of how common they are in modern Indian food.

Did Kui not know that tomatoes aren't a native part of the cuisine of the Indian subcontinent? It's possible her research didn't go that deep and she just assumed the modern food isn't that different from ancient food.

It's also possible that Kui knew that tomatoes aren't native to the Indian subcontinent, but that Dungeon Meshi has already experienced their version of the Colombian Exchange, because the east and west have had extensive contact with each other for (probably) thousands of years, so then the use of tomatoes in the West (where Kabru is from) would make sense, and doesn't need any further explanation.

MUTTON IN THE INDIAN SUBCONTINENT

Mutton (the term for goat, sheep or lamb meat) is the most consumed red meat in the Indian subcontinent. Goat is the most popular, most likely because it is the cheapest out of the three.

MUTTON IN NEPAL

Like in the rest of the subcontinent, mutton is very popular in Nepal. It is considered a major delicacy, and goat stew/curry is often eaten by Nepali families during important holidays, and for many Nepalis, goat stew/curry is associated with big family gatherings, similar to how Americans think of eating turkey for Thanksgiving, or ham for Easter.

Let's talk about some of the dishes anon(s) asked me about!

ROGAN JOSH

Rogan josh is an aromatic curried meat dish originating from Kashmir. It is made with red meat—traditionally mutton—and colored and flavored primarily by alkanet flower (or root) and Kashmiri chilies. It is one of the signature recipes of Kashmiri cuisine.

A number of origins/meanings of the name have been suggested, such as "stewed in ghee" or "red meat/red juice."

Its characteristic deep red color traditionally comes from dried flowers or root of Alkanna tinctoria (ratan jot) and from liberal amounts of dried, deseeded Kashmiri chilies (lal mirch).

Many modern interpretations of this dish add tomatoes to the sauce. This is especially common with ready-made pour-over cooking sauces to the point that Rogan josh is often described in the modern day as a tomato-based dish.

GORKHALI LAMB

The word Gorkhali (गोर्खाली) is historically synonymous with "Nepali," so Gorkhali lamb could also be called Nepali lamb. The name change, from Gorkhali to Nepali, occurred in the 1930s.

(In the modern day, Gorkha is usually used to refer specifically to military units in the British or Indian army that were made up of men from the North Indian/Nepal region. Starting in 1816 the British East India Company frequently recruited these men as mercenaries, and over time the Gorkhas became very distinguished as exceptional soldiers.)

I couldn't find much about Gorkhali lamb aside from recipes, most of which just echoed the same information, and many of them didn't seem to come from very authentic sources.

From what I've been able to piece together, you make Gorkhali lamb by marinating lamb meat (usually meat on the bone) and cooking it over a charcoal grill. Once it's done, you coat the grilled lamb with a sauce made with chilies and tomatoes, and serve with rice or roti.

I'm not an expert, but it seems like Gorkhali lamb isn't a stew or a curry, it's a sort of marinated, grilled lamb with a sauce. If someone knows more about Gorkhali lamb, please let me know!

Like the Rogan Josh, the addition of tomatoes is a modern invention.

THUKPA

Thukpa is the Tibetan word for any soup or stew with noodles. Thukpa can be prepared in both vegetarian and non-vegetarian variations; the most popular non-vegetarian variation includes chicken, but it is sometimes made with mutton as well.

The Nepalese version of Thukpa is predominant vegetarian, and has a spicier flavor. The protein ingredients are replaced with vegetarian alternatives such as various types of bean.

However, non-vegetarian thukpa is also enjoyed in Nepal, and egg thukpa is probably the second most popular type.

Thukpa is made like most other noodle soups. Some modern recipes include tomatoes in the soup paste, most likely a modern addition.

INDIAN MUTTON CURRIES

There's many different variations of mutton curry (Kosha mangsho, Mansa kasa, Tapelu, Rezala etc.) throughout the entire Indian subcontinent. Some recipes include tomato, some don't, and as with everything else in this post, the tomatos are a modern addition.

NEPALI MUTTON CURRY

As I said before, mutton is incredibly popular in Nepal. It's reserved for special occasions and celebrations, like Dashain, Nepal's biggest festival. There are many different types of stew and curry in Nepal that feature mutton, and mutton is a popular meat to use in momos or fried rice as well.

SO WHAT IS KABRU'S GOAT STEW?

Unfortunately we still don't have enough information to give a definitive answer.

However, I would say that thukpa and Gorkhali lamb can both be ruled out, since noodles are the core of thukpa and Kabru doesn't mention that his stew is missing noodles. Meanwhile Gorkhali lamb doesn't seem to be a proper stew.

So then what we have left is Rogan josh, and Indian or Nepali mutton curries. Based on all the little tidbits we know, I'd be inclined to assume Kabru's stew is one of these Nepali curries, since they are so iconic of Nepali cuisine and are a big part of the local culture, and that seems to match what Kui tells us in the manga - that this food is a cherished childhood memory.

I've sprinkled some links throughout this post, but you can read more about Nepali mutton curry, and other Nepali food at all of these sites:

https://nepalicooking.tripod.com/lamb.htm

https://www.buzzfeed.com/anupkaphle/here-we-goat-again

https://www.buzzfeed.com/anupkaphle/keep-calm-and-curry-on

https://www.foodpleasureandhealth.com/nepali-style-goat-pakku/

MUSHROOM POSTSCRIPT: I have seen some people get confused by the goat stew page in the manga. They think that when Kabru says "my mother used to make this stew for me" he is talking about Milsiril, the elven woman who took care of him after his birth mother was killed.

Though we do not know 100% for certain, I think this is an objectively incorrect reading of the text. I may make a more comprehensive post about this another time, but:

Kabru says he ate this stew as a child, that he hasn't had it in a long time, and that he's looking forward to having it again. He says he is relying on childhood memories in order to make the stew.

If this stew is something Milsiril made for him, why did she stop making it? Why hasn't Kabru had it in a long time? Was there a goat blight for the last 10 years? Did she stop making it to punish Kabru for wanting to leave her? This seems like important information Kui would have told us.

The much more logical assumption is that Kabru's birth mother, who died when he was 7, is the one that made lamb stew, and that's why Kabru hasn't had it in a long time, struggles to remember how to make it, and also why he's so excited to eat it.

This is in direct contrast with the elf fruit cake that Milsiril forced Kabru to eat as a child. Kabru's birth mother made him something he loves, that he is eager to eat again, while Milsiril forced him to eat elf cake so often that it has become his most disliked food.

Kabru and Ryoko Kui never refer to Milsiril as Kabru's mother, the phrase “foster parent” (養母 or 育ての親が, lit. meaning “parent who raised me” in contrast with a birth/blood parent) is used instead in both the manga itself and in the World Guide.

There are several other things like this (how Kabru talks about Milsiril) which I think makes it clear that Kabru probably doesn't call Milsiril mother willingly, and that he goes out of his way to put distance between her and himself. He doesn't hate her, but he doesn't want her to be a part of his life.

Milsiril is a wealthy noble in a society where women are equal to men. It's unlikely that she personally does much cooking, and even if she does cook as a hobby, it's unlikely that Kabru watched her butcher a goat - servants or the butcher would prepare the meat for her.

Milsiril is a fussy eater, and hates most foods. Goat tends to have a strong flavor and is sometimes gamey. I don't think she'd eat goat... Meanwhile, as I stated previously, goat is a delicacy in Nepal, so it would make perfect sense for goat to be a special treat Kabru grew up eating.

Yes, Milsiril sometimes does things she doesn't want to do because Kabru asks... But both examples we have of this, she tries to turn it into a punishment. She explicitly says she's training Kabru so that he'll give up, not because she wants him to get strong and succeed. She wants him to fail. She takes him to her family reunion to prove to Kabru that it's unpleasant, so he won't want to go again. Both times this tactic doesn't work, but she clearly states that this is her intent.

I could go on about this for hours, but this post is really about goat stew!!! But just wanted to throw that in there in case anybody is confused about who exactly cooked goat stew for Kabru.

As I said, there's always the possibility that I'm wrong, but I think the evidence is pretty overwhelming that when Kabru says "my mother cooked this for me" he isn't talking about Milsiril.

[howlingdemon13]

You could use a buddy~!

Guys, you have no idea how happy I am that this is complete! You know I'm gonna be supper obnoxious now that I can turn into a demonic ghost with mommy issues. 🤪 Anyway, some notes and thoughts on this cosplay that no one asked for and no one wants~!

First and foremost, this cosplay is sort of a clonesona. I feel like (if given the chance), Beetlejuice would play around with how his clones look. Obviously on stage it’s impossible to find actors who look identical to the lead, but I like that the fandom has embraced BJ being unable/unwilling to create clones that are a 100% physical match. If that’s the case, I’m sure he throws in a more fem-presenting clone once in a while.

This doubles as a feminine-presenting form for Beetlejuice himself, too (Toonjuice has no issue changing his gender presentation at will in a bunch of scenarios, and I like to think that Musicaljuice would be the same/similar). I guess a version of Beetlejuice that’s female would be fun, but I prefer the idea of BJ shapeshifting to look and present the way he wants to (or to have fun with unsuspecting victims).

Even from the early development of this cosplay all the way back in October, choosing between a dress and a suit was like pulling teeth. I love the suit an unhealthy amount, but I wanted something distinct from other interpretations. That, and I was hesitant to lean into the hyper-sexualized looks I’ve seen from officially licensed offshoots of the character. Beetlejuice, while a self-proclaimed sexual being, doesn’t read as the kind of entity to go from generally masc-presenting all the way to hyper-sexual fem-presenting. Also, where the hell is the grime on all these fem designs???? Why does she look clean? Cowards!

I think BJ would settle on a fem-presenting form in a suit, but I also think he’s just as comfortable in a dress regardless of the pronouns/physical characteristics he’s using at any given moment. He likes his dresses and we love him for it.

Anyway-

I wanted a dress that felt “old” but not dated,so I settled on a shirt dress. They came about in the 1920’s, but didn’t become super popular until the 50’s. The cut of Beetlejuice’s suit is somewhere between modern and a style that would have been popular in the 50’s, too.

I also think shirt dresses are pretty “neutral” in that they aren’t form-fitting and they read more like a shirt from the waist up. I didn’t want anything dainty, but I wanted some movement to the fabric, and a dress does that a bit better than a suit imo. It’s why I love Beetlejuice’s first 15 minutes on stage in the trench coat. I know it’s a callback to when we first see him in the movie, but it adds a ton of secondary movement and looks cartoony when coupled with very exaggerated movements typical of a stage show. It’s why I love watching Collette especially bounce around on stage because istg he knows this (or that him growing up with the cartoon make him really lean into over the top body language and the trench coat just adds to it).

Like, look at that! Are you seeing what I’m saying? If I could animate, that would be a dream shot!

Oops, can’t go 15 minutes without thinking of the silly.

All that is to say that movement and form in an outfit, especially one for a character as chaotic as Beetlejuice, was super important to me. It’s also why I settled on long, curly hair, kept the tie, and added a bow. All of that breaks up patterns, adds movement, and is something I can put moss on. Anyway, this cosplay has a lot of little nods to the musical, cartoon, and film (but is mostly based off of the musical).

Cartoon: bugs!! Toonjuice is sometimes seen with small beetles chilling on his suit (which he inevitably snacks on). I love the idea of Beej being covered in bugs, so I felt compelled to include them on the dress and hat. It's a subtle reference, but one that I really wanted. They’re made out of scrap polymer clay and painted. Here are a few:

Film: The guide hat! It's iconic. I know that the hat made it into very early versions of the musical and promotional materials, but how it got thrown by the wayside is beyond me.

Musical: the grime and disrepair! I was heavily inspired by an early suit that is absolutely covered in moss!

I also added a lot of grime to the shoulders and hem as a callback to later versions of the suit and especially the tour version of it. I also added some x stitches since I really like the way they look on the current tour suit!

Oh, and the banjolele! Can't forget my favorite prop!

Miscellaneous: I love giving supernatural characters pointy ears and fangs, so you best believe I’m going to do the same for BJ. Slightly related, but I love the tour makeup so much. The makeup artists really lean into Beetlejuice being corpsey and I’m here for it (I essentially combine the tour and film makeup to get the look I’m after).

Oh! And snap bracelets! I remember hardcore stimming with these as a kid to the point of destroying them (then it was goodbye snap bracelets), and you cannot tell me Beetlejuice, neurodivergent-coded demon ghost, wouldn’t be the same way. Full disclosure, I had to wrap them around metal bands because these snaps are rubber and the texture is a nightmare for me, but I was determined to include them. They’re also a substitute for Beetlejuice’s watches in the film.

God/Satan, that was a lot of rambling. If you survived all that, thanks for reading!

[bluekittyyoyo]

ALTERNIAN CULTURE ANALYSIS: APATHY AS ANTITHESIS. AN ESSAY ON TROLL SOCIETY'S UNDERSTANDING OF EMOTIONS

listen to me. it only makes logical sense that trolls would have a strong understanding of the idea that the opposite of "love" is actually antipathy; having no strong feelings whatsoever. I know what you're saying, "but the quadrants have love and hate as a dichotomy, they clearly think of hate as love's antithesis-" no. wrong. the quadrants are obviously not representative of every emotion a troll can have, the quadrants are a concept of ROMANCE. see there's the keyword here. love and hate are both integral parts of this romance, they do not exist in opposition to each other as in one cancels out the other, they are two sides of the same coin. having quadrant feelings for someone regardless of alignment is indicative of caring about them, of being passionate about them. I know those words typically have purely positive connotations when used about human romantic understandings but disconnect that for a second. basically it comes down to a slightly warped version of "horseshoe theory" (where supposed opposites, in this case love and hate, are actually closer together than the middleground). I think this concept is firmly supported by canon, examples off the top of my head:

from the quadrants explanation;

"The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile,"

as stated with the pitched/flushed vacillation and the canon examples of pale/flushed, but also I think it is implied (though less so) that it applies to every quadrant and there are many ways unexplored in canon that every quadrant can bleed into another.

this famous line:

"It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy."

this quote being on the page where equius pesters gamzee, citing that he does so with regularity and thus considers him a "friend" (but that's not the whole picture). this adds to the notion of these relationships not being considered opposite but stemming from the same root idea of investment in a person.

I think it's very interesting because I believe the authorial intentions of incorporating hate as an integral part of troll society and culture is meant to contribute to the idea of them as a cruel and violent society, and while that may have some truth for the ways in which individuals treat each other peer-to-peer in average situations I actually think the real overarching effect it has is trolls coming off as a more emotionally honest society at the cost of simplicity and peace.

the implications of hate being considered on equal terms with love to me paint an image of a society that encourages embracing all emotions to the fullest extent, a society that might even consider the worst thing you can be not as someone who is filled with hate but in fact someone who does not care at all. I'm reminded of the conversation between vriska and aradia in hivebent:

vriska calling her a "miserable soulless witch" followed by repeating she hates her and "only regrets killing her cause it made her so BORING!!!!!!!!"

of course we also see plenty of times that "not giving a shit" is a thing that trolls are naturally inclined to do because you only have so much emotional resource to devote to a finite amount of things. moreover that alternia is a society that encourages emotional "balance", to embrace the love and the hate both with the same passion.

again as karkat rants to vriska also in hivebent:

"A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS."

you may also recognize this conversation as the same one where karkat claims this (rather infamously imo):

"PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE."

(adding more to the "trolls believe hate and love come from the same emotional source" pile even if the manner of it is slightly off-center here)

and vriska's response to karkat's ranting:

"Did you learn this crap from your awful romance movies?" "THEY'RE REALLY INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY."

I hope this presentation makes it clear but for the audience in the back: karkat's interpretation of emotional composition of trolls is most likely complete bullshit and not at all factual nor, in my opinion, should be taken as biological information about trolls. for that reason I believe the reference to humoral medicine is completely intentional, invoking the imagerey of bullshit pseudoscience. just in the same way as I don't think it would be reasonable to make any similar claim about the nature of human emotions (and anyone who does is trying to sell you something). in A6A615 dave even states that "both humans and trolls are emotionally versatile sentient beings that can feel many hells of different things".

what I'm mainly getting at here using these quotes is that there is a cultural precedent for the claims he is making. karkat did not spawn these ideas about emotions out of thin air or scientific research, he got them from watching romance films. which particularly, as presumably low-culture media in much the same fashion as our own, would in fact make them excellent case studies on the general cultural attitudes of the society that consumes them. and that society, as karkat observes, makes indications that a) emotions of hate and love stem from the same source and b) trolls ought to have a balance of negative and positive emotions, where apathy is considered more undesirable.

so what I mean to say from all these observations, my formal opinion: to trolls there can exist this nebulous feeling of being emotionally attachment to someone, to desire any kind of relationship with them. and with that the average troll has a far better understanding that the most devastating response possible is actually none at all; to be completely unaffected by them.

so what am I saying with all this? it is my idea that in troll culture, trolls have a concept of relationships and emotions that can exist as a nebulous idea of just being *passionate*, of caring about something or someone and the distinction between negative or positive is merely a nuance rather than an opposition, and the actual socially reviled opposition to this feeling is being apathetic.

for example a troll rejecting another for a particular desired quadrant is heartbreaking (or diamondbreaking, spadesbreaking etc), but as there exists a desire for connection generally by virtue of the desire at all, it would be less devastating and possibly could become just as fulfilling for the connection to exist as a different quadrant, even on the other side of red/black. the most devastating possible outcome of a rejection would be that of total apathy, of the idea that one inspires no passions, no emotions of any kind in a person.

and with that established now we can get into my ideas about how alternian media rating systems work, such as a troll equivalent to rotten tomatoes where movies/books/films etc are rated on 5 different scales (also possibly two different modified 3 scale versions) in addition to a simplified two-scale version where the measure of "good" is based on "how much did this work inspire emotional reactions in you vs how much did you not give any shit at all"- the cane hooks me by the neck and pulls me off stage

[mywitchyblog]

Addressing Misconceptions (Again)

About this post of mine

Alright, it seems like once again, some of y’all have taken my words completely out of context, so let’s clear the air one more time.

First off, I didn’t make my previous post to attack all teenage shifters. I wasn’t pointing fingers at the entire group, nor was I saying that teenagers can’t shift properly or intelligently. My post was specifically directed at those who engage in hypocrisy—you know, the ones who criticize adults for age-shifting down while doing the exact same thing in reverse. The double standards are what I’m calling out, not every teenage shifter on the planet.

So, if you read that post and didn’t feel targeted, then it wasn’t about you. As the saying goes: If the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn’t, move along.

Now, to those of you who are still convinced that I’m being “mean,” “vulgar,” or “hateful,” let me ask you this: Are you upset because of the way I said it, or because you got called out on your own contradictions? Let’s be real here—most of the responses I’ve gotten so far have been nothing but fallacies, where instead of engaging with the actual point I made, people decided to:

Attack my tone: Calling me “vulgar” or “hateful” is a classic ad hominem move. Instead of addressing the logic behind what I said, y’all are trying to discredit me by focusing on my word choice. You’re upset because I used strong language? Sorry, but the truth can be harsh sometimes. Focus on the substance of the argument, not the delivery.

Twist my words: Saying I’m attacking all teenage shifters is a straw man fallacy. I’m not out here claiming all teenage shifters are hypocrites or unintelligent. I’m calling out a specific pattern of behavior—the double standards that some (not all) people hold in this community when it comes to age-shifting. You know the ones I’m talking about: criticizing adults for age-shifting down while they age themselves up for the same reasons. If you don’t engage in that behavior, I’m not talking about you.

I made that post because this double standard is exhausting to witness. If we’re going to call certain behaviors “creepy” or “wrong,” then those standards need to be consistent across the board. You can’t shame someone for age-shifting down to relive experiences they missed out on while simultaneously aging yourself up to play out fantasies that fit your narrative. It’s the same thing, just flipped. If it’s problematic for one group, it’s problematic for everyone.

If the post triggered you, maybe it’s because you saw yourself in it. Maybe it’s because you’ve been playing the same game and didn’t like having a mirror held up to your actions. Either way, I’m not here to sugarcoat my points just to avoid ruffling feathers. If you’re going to critique me, do it with actual arguments—not emotional responses or complaints about my tone. Because the reality is, most of y’all aren’t engaging with the message, you’re just reacting to your own discomfort.

Speaking of Hypocrisy...

Now, let’s talk about another blatant double standard some of y’all are holding: shifting into fictional races vs. shifting into BIPOC identities. Some of you love to act all righteous, preaching about how wrong it is for someone to shift into a BIPOC identity, while at the same time, you’re out here shifting into elves, Na'vi, or other fantasy races, thinking that’s somehow okay.

Spoiler alert: Shifting into a “fictional” race is fundamentally the same thing as shifting into a BIPOC identity—it’s just wrapped up in a “pretty pink bow” of fiction to make it more acceptable for you. Whether you’re shifting into a BIPOC identity to explore different facets of life or diving into some fantasy species, you’re doing the same thing. The only reason you feel comfortable with one and not the other is because the fantasy version is conveniently distanced from real-world issues.

This brings us to another fallacy: special pleading. This fallacy happens when people create an arbitrary exception for something they are involved in while criticizing others for similar actions. For example, they might argue that race-shifting is wrong, but it’s somehow “different” or “okay” when they shift into a fictional race or species. The logic simply doesn’t hold up. It’s an inconsistent standard, and that’s why I call it out as hypocrisy. You can’t apply one set of rules to others while making a special exception for yourself just because you’re hiding behind a fantasy setting.

If you’re going to judge others for shifting into BIPOC identities, you better be ready to judge yourself when you’re out here shifting into an elf, a Na'vi, or any other fantasy race that’s just a dressed-up version of real-world cultures. The hypocrisy is real, and if you don’t see it, that’s on you.

If this hits a little too close to home, maybe it’s time to check yourself. The truth is, most of y’all are fine with exploring different identities as long as they’re neatly tied up in fantasy. But when it comes to real-world identities, particularly BIPOC ones, suddenly you’ve got a problem. The double standard is ridiculous, and it’s not just hypocritical—it’s exhausting.

Feeling Offended? Ask Yourself Why

So, if you’re feeling offended by my posts—whether it’s about age-shifting or race-shifting—then maybe you should ask yourself why. Because if my words make you uncomfortable, it’s probably because they’ve struck a nerve. You can’t keep applying one set of rules to yourself and another set to everyone else just to feel morally superior. That’s not how it works.

At the end of the day, shifting is about exploring different facets of ourselves, whether through age, race, or any other identity. But if you’re going to call someone else out for how they shift, you better be applying that same scrutiny to yourself. Otherwise, you’re just playing the hypocrite game.

So here’s your wake-up call: stop rewriting the rules to fit your narrative. Either own it across the board, or step off the ride. Because if you’re still pretending that aging yourself up is okay but aging down isn’t, or that shifting into a fantasy race is fine but shifting into a BIPOC identity isn’t, you’re the one with the double standards—not me.

[danketsuround]

A simple guide to how Kuwana uses honorifics - Lost Judgement (Revised)

This is a revised version of a post I wrote previously - I made a few errors so I decided to make a new post instead of just adding on to the original, especially since a few people said they wanted to use this as a reference for comic or fic writing in the future.

Please note that much of this is based on my own interpretation and should not be taken as pure fact. Japanese is a context-heavy and nuanced language - so I am simply building off what I already know about Japanese [culture] (I live here!) as well as my own idea on what type of character Kuwana is. Actually, I think Kuwana is strangely polite - all things considered - so the way he refers to other people is mostly unsurprising.

I also want to note that just because one honorific means one thing does not mean that interpretation is universal. The use and meaning of honorifics change depending to who you're speaking to as well. For example, many people may know that -kun is used for younger boys, and -chan for younger girls, but language is much more nuanced than that. While honorifics can be used to "honor" someone (imagine that!) they can also be used flippantly, sarcastically, aggressively, or even to put someone at a lower position than you.

You can see a previous analysis on how he refers to Mitsuru here. For that reason, he will not be included in this post.

Thanks for reading!

with Yagami

Perhaps the one people are most interested in. Most of the time, both Yagami and Kuwana drop honorifics with each other entirely. A cursory glance at Wikipedia may tell you that this is only used for people with close relationships or for inferiors (fittingly, like a teacher with their student) but in this case, it is neither of those things.

They drop honorifics with each other, simply, because they do not respect each other. Although there are other instances in which you can drop honorifics with another person (see: above, my original Mitsuru post, or read further) when Kuwana isn't referring to Yagami by name - which is very often - he is using 「お前」 (omae) or 「あんた」 which are very forward, rude ways to refer to someone. When someone uses 「お前」 with you, it usually implies they are angry with you.

However, there are a few occasions when Kuwana uses honorifics with Yagami. In the scene where Kuwana is hanging out at Y99, he uses -san.

This is a simple formality because they are not yet rivals or enemies. In retrospect, you can also interpret this as Kuwana using -san sarcastically or passive-aggressively, but honestly I think he's too polite to be doing that so early-on.

Other instances in which Kuwana uses -san with Yagami are when he is speaking about Yagami to another person:

There are two ways you can look at this: these are both formative scenes in which Kuwana is trying to coax empathy from Yagami. Using -san rather than "OMAE" would, of course, be the more respectful way to address someone - especially after you've made a temporary truce with them. The other way - this is how I originally interpreted it, which is why it wasn't in my original post - is that, because Kuwana is speaking about Yagami to another person, he is using the honorifics the person he is speaking with should/would use when addressing Yagami. Meaning, Kuwana is asserting that it would be appropriate for Akaike or Mamiya to use -san with Yagami - not himself.

Aside from that, Kuwana also uses -kun with Yagami once. Originally, I thought it would be strange for him to ever use -kun despite Yagami being younger than him. However, he does!

In Chapter 7, after Kuwana leaves Yagami to fight RK alone, he says: "I'm sorry, Yagami-kun."

-kun, in this case, is being used out of familiarity - not sharing the same politeness or formality as -san. I think Kuwana said it more to himself and not directly at Yagami - in a meta way, this assures the viewer that their relationship has changed. This was a rare sign of compassion (perhaps respect?) from Kuwana: I believe in part because Yagami showed that he believed in fighting for Kuwana - even if he was not given the context as to why RK was after him. Also, Yagami was fighting to defend Sawa - someone Kuwana deeply cares about.

with Kaito

To be honest, I'm not sure why Kuwana doesn't use honorifics with Kaito. I could have sworn he used -san with Kaito once, but I can't find it. Forgive me. And, don't call me hypocritical for saying this, but I don't think dropping the honorifics with Kaito is the same as dropping them with Yagami.

The only reason I can think of is that Kaito asked for Kuwana to not use honorifics with him (like, off camera). Some people don't use honorifics for themselves because they believe it to be old fashioned. I think in this case, it says more about Kaito than it does Kuwana. He wouldn't be doing 呼び捨て (yobisute - dropping honorifics for someone who you have a close relationship to) because they aren't very close.

Conjunctionally related, the reason why Yagami uses -san with Kaito is likely the same reason why Kaito calls him Ta-bo - they have been calling each other that for a long time, and it has become part of each other's nickname.

with Y99

Kuwana uses -kun with both Sugiura and Tsukumo. Sugiura even refers to Kuwana as their "senpai" since they do similar work in the same area - this is a joke, though. Grown men do not normally refer to each other as senpai - Sugiura and Tsukumo are both younger than Mitsuru, so it's hard to believe Kuwana would honestly see them as real adults.

with Sawa and Mamiya + a bit about former Kurokawa students

I talked a little bit about this in my other post, but he uses -kun with them. Using -kun with adult women is a formality. It's the same reason why Genda uses -kun with Saori - though, their relationship is a bit different. It's kinda... old fashioned I think? There's an implication that, "even though I'm using a formality with you, we aren't totally equals.". That's because Saori is a younger woman working at Genda's law agency.

Using -kun with girls/women is different than using -kun with boys/men - especially in a school setting. While using -kun can be seen as a bit boyish, from a teacher to a female student, it's similar to using -san; and the reason why -san isn't used for male and female students (by teachers) is partially because it's a little too formal between a child and adult. Yeah, I know. Japanese is hard.

Therefore, it's natural he might use -kun for his former female students, because, ultimately, it is up to a teacher to decide how, when, and who to use honorifics with. For the same reason, Akaike is referred to without honorifics (unlike Mitsuru, who is almost always referred to with -kun). Kawai's honorifics are also totally dropped, perhaps for the same reason, but I also think it's because he is dead and Kuwana has no intention of humanizing him. The reason for that being: Reiko does this as well!

with Kusumoto Reiko

Kuwana is a Kusumoto-san bot almost as much as Yagami is with Sawa-sensei. Since she is older and their relationship is a bit strained and distant, Kuwana uses her last name and -san. Reiko returns the formality in an interesting way, referring to him directly as "Kitakata-sensei" because that is how she knows him as. However, during the emotional climax, she refers to him as "Sensei", which is sort of an endearing formality that indicates respect and ...love? Not necessarily romantic, but a certain fondness or gratitude - as normally, students would refer to their teacher as "Sensei", not necessarily student's parents or their fellow coworkers. (I do have one older female teacher who calls everyone else just "Sensei" and it makes me blush, lol) I know that's less about how Kuwana refers to her but I think their relationship is not as stiff as it may seem based on what honorifics they use with each other.

That seems to be a correction of everything from the original post. If you have any questions or would like me to expand on some points (whether it's confusing to you or seems contradictory), feel free to reply and I can answer you or alter the wording for clarity.

*A note about "omae":

Part of what makes writing posts like these extremely difficult is because everyone is characterized by the way they speak, and the way they speak is the typical RGG rough-and-tumble "tuff guy" act. Therefore, I want to clarify that omae is not always extremely rude. Rather, it is the tone, level of familiarity, and even gender that characterizes it as rude. For example, there are instances in which Kaito uses omae with Yagami, but that's because their relationship is established enough that using omae does not immediately set off alarm bells for Yagami. That makes it different for when Kuwana uses it, because he is more-or-less setting the tone of their relationship as distant and competitive right off the bat. Hope that makes sense. Thanks to @passthroughtime for the previous corrections as well as the screenshots I use in this post, lol.