#i think i know why people believe in afterlifes now. you kinda want to convince yourself of anything

[caffeinatedopossum]

Everyone's acting like nothing happened

[ha-youwish]

This is not a vent post, it’s a book recommendation and self-analysis kinda. Please consider reading this, I won’t blame you if you don’t.

Last year around this time, my granddaddy passed away. Usually, online and in formal spaces I would call him my grandfather, but that’s not what I call him and I will not limit myself for this post.

Last year around this time I was beginning my second semester of college ever. I was not doing so well. My grades were low because my attendance was abysmal and my work outside the class was shit. However the previous semester I had taken a class that I was able to stick around for more than the rest.

This class was studying how different major religions and cultures coped with death and how they thought of the afterlife. I bought the books for that class with financial aid and never read them.

Just now I got done reading one of the books, When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner, never read it until I found it sitting around today.

It’s a relatively short book, under 200 pages, about how Kushner deals with the question “Why do bad things happen to good people?” from his place as a rabbi.

Now I don’t have any sort of relationship with god. i’m not strictly atheist or anything but i tend to believe in whatever religion people want me to believe in if they ask me to pray for them or a family member.

when grandaddy died, i had nothing to fall back on. granddaddy was extremely religious and generous, i am so incredibly grateful he was involved in my life and there for me. but people from his church said it was a part of god’s plan or that there was a reason he passed when he did and when i was in such a low state at college already.

i moved away to college and the landlord sold my home. i was in an unfamiliar uncomfortable place where the only place i felt fully comfortable was now completely inaccessible. my mom moved in with grandaddy and took care of him before he passed. it was tense. he was kind but old and stubborn and so is everyone else. the drain of taking care of someone can be worth it, but that doesnt mean its not there.

i was, and am, dealing with severe depression surrounded by other gloomy people who didnt make it much better. i never went to class and i had, and have, crushing guilt that i was wasting the time and money of my family.

and then granddaddy went to the hospital. and then he died. and its unfair.

all of it is unfair, and if it was a part of gods plan then hes fucking unfair too.

now, i have not necessarily moved on. my fingers shake still if i think about it too long. i dont even know if im going to post this because of how exposed and raw i feel. but its important to me that somehow in some way this gets expressed and that someone other than myself will read it.

your suffering was unfair, whether it was a lot or a little. the world is unfair. we all know it. i hope you know that you will never be able to look into the eyes of someone who has never known suffering, and i hope you can find some comfort in that connection.

this book is from the point of view from a religious man. it talks a lot about a god i dont believe in. but the way it talks about suffering and how it effects people makes it helpful for me to parse my own feelings and thoughts.

so feel free to replace god with whatever you want, with humanity and spirit and the universe and everything good. here are some quotes, alt text included:

- sometimes i convince myself that what i feel is nothing more than chemicals, that the regret i feel from not driving home the day before and visiting before he passed was just something my mind is doing.

i once stayed up late at grandaddys house after he passed and i was shoved right back into school like my life hadnt just gotten its shit rocked.

my mom was in her room asleep, but i really couldn’t take it anymore. we stayed up late just talking through how we felt after i had cried to her. and to be completely honest, hearing that she had regrets and wished for just a little more time fucking sucked. knowing the people around you are going through it sucks, even if it was to be expected

but we connected over that long early morning. we resolved almost nothing. i felt the same as i did before and granddaddys still dead and buried. but it was easier to go on after that.

another quote, a tldr if you don’t want to read the book but want to understand what he gets at, in the end of it all.

i dont think i can forgive other people for being unfair, not without effort. but i think i can forgive the universe because the unfairness is proof that people have choices. shit happens, you choose what to do after it.

for a lot of people, mourning and religion bring them the strength to move on, as he talks about in the book. things dont get better because of prayer that god will fix everything or the universe will set itself right again or you can escape through fantasy books to another world,

they get better because something gives us strength to get up again and keep moving. to kushner, thats god and people who came together to support him. to me, i dont know yet, i dont know if i’ve really started to pick up my life yet. but i think this book helped me start to see the bigger picture

[iwonderwh0]

your dbh ideas are really creative and i enjoyed all of them (connor being transferred onto a traci model was so tragic 😭)

anyway what do you consider a soul? i often just think of it as consciousness but i think people usually mean more than that…

we know for certain that at least one consciousness exists: our own. but the idea of souls seems to tie into more things. some regard the soul as something that transcends physical death. what are your opinions? alternatively what do you think would be connor or hank’s view?

Thank you!!

I used to believe in a soul, but at some point I was left with no choice but to discard this belief, at least for now. It's one of those things I really wish were real, but I just can't believe in it anymore even if I really want to, and honestly I regret ever finding those things that shattered what used to be really firm and comfortable ideas in my worldview. Man, being left without this belief was fucking horrifying and I'd never try to convince anyone in this notion that I now have, that's why I don't want to elaborate on what my current beliefs are exactly. Even if I don't personally believe in it anymore, honestly good for anyone who does.

In short, my current opinion about the soul is the opposite of its usual interpretation, which is: soul is temporary, physical body is permanent (or at least more so than a soul as it exists for much longer)

I think (and game also implies that) Hank is a firm believer in a soul and afterlife, and this is crucially important for him to hold those beliefs, because the absence of those would be too depressing and painful for him to handle, so he tries not to challenge them. Holding those beliefs is what allows him to move forward with his life, he has a hope because of those beliefs as the comfort they provide is a need. So arguing with him about those will be insensitive and even cruel. I think deep-inside he has a reasonable amount of doubt, but it is something he tries to ignore for his own sake. In a machine-suicide route however I kinda think that part of the reason behind this suicide is exactly the loss of such hope. I don't think he believes in any form of afterlife when he decides to pull that trigger that one last time, actually he probably even hopes that there will be nothing after. Because he's done with this shit.

For Connor I think he doesn't have any firm opinions, so he considers every piece of evidence that he has. And this search of his is something I really like speculating about exactly because I don't see it as something stable, but rather in constant process of change.

Btw, I have a piece of text left about this Tracy headcanon that I haven't posted because at that time I decided that maybe that's a little too much

Do you think I should post it?

[ray-ray-writings]

HI YOUR IMAGINES HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TONIGHT!! I'm actually in the areas of the states that's been losing power/water so rereading these as helped curb my worry a bit :) The ghost sbi one kinda got me thinking like. What if Afterlife Wilbur, the one who still acts like his alive self gets to reunite with his s/o in some way- Either through him visiting like he did with Tommy or his s/o unfortunately passing and being in the complete afterlife with him -🍉

(HI 🍉!! Thank you so much! And I’m so sorry to hear that I’m glad that I could help you feel a little better about your situation. I know that the things you are experiencing can be really scary and I just want you to know I’m here for you if you need anything. I can’t do much physically but I can offer you emotionally and moral support. I also really hope you like this)

But I really vibe with this idea. Probably because I’m a sucker for fics where the two people have been away from each other for a long time and they reunite and cute stuff like that. So here we go!

You and Wilbur had been together for a really long time before he passed. You were there for him through everything, when his son was born, when Sally died, when he formed L’Manberg, when he fought for L’Manberg, when he lost the election, when he lost his home, when he lost his mind, and when he lost his life. It absolutely broke your heart to watch the love of your life devolve into what many considered a crazy lunatic. But you stood by him. You tried so hard to convince him not to push the button. You begged him until Phil arrived and the. You let Phil also try to convince Will to step away, but it failed. You held Wilbur’s hand as he died. You were never quite the same after that. You did your best, you really did. But you had watched the love of your life die by his own father’s hands and there’s no real coming back from that. You had heard whispers of someone called “Ghostbur” it was rumored that your husband had come back as a ghost but seeing is believing and since you never saw this “Ghostbur” you never believed in him.

It probably happened by accident, much like in Ghost of You, you probably weren’t paying attention and you fell from a high place or a mob snuck up on you and killed you. Either way, it happened. Everyone was shocked at the message and they all mourned you. That being said, they all knew that you might be happier now. You would get to be with your love.

You woke up in your home but you knew something was off. You would rush to a mirror and find yourself a lot paler than ever before and you would just know that you weren’t alive. You wouldn’t really know what to do with that information. So you would just go out on a walk…. well float. But you would just be heading down the main Prime Path, noticing how you just float through things, when suddenly you slam into something. You let out a loud Yelp because what the heck could you have possibly slammed into??? You’re a ghost! You move through things. But you move back a bit and your eyes settle on a familiar yellow sweater and red beanie and you let out a huge gasp. “Wilbur?” You ask hesitantly, moving forward ever so slightly. The ghost of your lover grins back at you with a head tilt, “it’s Ghostbur actually! But I was Wilbur when I was alive… I’m sorry. Do i know you?” And you’re a little hurt because how can he not know you. But you answer anyway, “it’s me. It’s Y/N” “Y/N” Ghostbur repeats, trying out the name on his tongue. “Y/N” and then a wave of memories come crashing down on the ghost. It’s like a whole other part of his mind was unlocked at memories of the two of you smiling, laughing, and being happy rip through his mind. “Y/N” he gasps again, lurching forward and wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to his chest. Your arms immediately wrap around him as well and you hold him tightly to you, “Oh my love. What happened? Why are you a ghost?” You tell him the story and he can’t help but be a little sad, but he’s also happy because now he gets to be with you. “Oh love, I’m so sorry that happened to you. But at least we’re together now and we will be together forever” he promises firmly before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. You simply melt into the kiss. You had gone many months without kissing your lover and this all just feels like a dream that you never want to wake up from. But you enjoy the kiss so much because it’s real. It’s the most real thing you’ve felt other than grief the past few months. “I can’t believe the rumors were true. That you’re actually here.” You gasp once you break the kiss, “I’m never going to let you go again” “promise?” “I swear”

God I’m such a simp

[amazingphilza]

DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav��� person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Tate Langdon - American Horror Story

Wrote this a long time ago. My original plan back then was so make this into a multiple chapter story, but then I ultimately lost interest like all my other failed projects. 🙃

I also didn’t know how to fucking end this story, sorryyy ughhhh

❗Trigger warning❗

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp, I am dead.

Like, super dead.

One minute I’m slitting my wrists wide open in my bathroom and now I’m standing over my body watching myself decay.

I never thought I’d become a ghost or whatever I am. I didn’t even believe in the afterlife. I thought I’d just die and that would be it. I wouldn’t feel anything, it’d be peaceful. I was definitely wrong.

I moved into this big mansion in California with my parents. I didn’t want to die, I just thought it was my only way out. Now, I’m stuck here. Great. I really screwed the pooch this time.

After my parents found me rotting away, they decided to move away to have a fresh new start. Not that I blame them. But I was kinda pissed they just left me here, unable to step one foot off this property except for Halloween.

If I’m being completely honest, it’s not that terrible. I’m not alone. Turns out, many people have died here. Violently, which is fun.

There’s a woman that lives here who is kinda crazy, but she’s nice. She treats me better than my own mother did. She wishes I was a baby though, cause her baby is all kinds of fucked up.

There’s an elderly woman here too, who I found out was actually dead and lived here. When I was alive, she was our maid and constantly tried to seduce my father, which I reluctantly forgave her for that.

That weird neighbour, Constance, always visits here, since she has multiple children who have died here as well. I’ve yet to meet her eldest, Tate. To be honest, I don’t think I want to meet him. I’ve seen him wander around the halls but I’ve never shown myself around him. Mrs. Montgomery says he’s just misunderstood, but shooting up a school is a little too much for me.

I hang out with his brother sometimes, and by hanging out I mean basically rolling a ball back and forth. It makes him somewhat happy though, I guess. I know one of these days I’m going to run into him, I just hope it’s later rather than sooner.

~~~

Today, that real estate agent bitch is trying to sell this house, yet again. Only for the owners to be killed and get stuck here for all eternity. Anyone in their right mind would not buy this house, especially knowing what took place here.

I watch the family interested in buying the house from my old bedroom. They look like a relatively normal family. A mom, dad, and their angsty teenage daughter and a cute pet dog.

Yeah, they definitely wouldn’t survive living here.

“Spying on the new folks, I see?”

“Jesus! You scared me!” I turn to see Tate. Oh boy, this should be fun.

“Y/N L/N. How lovely to finally meet you. I never got the chance to introduce myself when you first moved here cause you see, you killed yourself before I even got the chance. Which was kind of rude on your part.” He smirked. “Your death was very entertaining, I must say. All that blood gushing everywhere, man, it was quite the spectacle.”

“Glad you found my death so entertaining, Tate. I’m sure yours was too.” I smile sweetly, making his smug grin quickly turn into a glare.

“Anyway,” he coughed, “better introduce myself to the new folks soon.”

“But...you’re dead.”

“Well, they don’t need to know that.” He walked over to the window where I saw. “That girl’s kinda hot, wouldn’t you say?” He smirked. “Don’t worry though, I find you even prettier.”

I scoffed and kept looking out the window. The teenage girl looked over towards the window. I quickly hid myself from her sight but Tate didn’t until she did a double take.

I gave him confused look. “What? It’s fun to play with people’s minds from time to time. You should try it sometime. Stop being a stick in the mud.” He said and walked away.

I can already tell he’s going to be so annoying.

I decided to take a closer look at the new comers. Tate was right though, that girl is pretty. I listened in on their conversation and I learned their names. Ben, Vivian, and Violet. All nice names, nice innocent names. They seem like nice people, sucks that they’ll die when they move in.

A few hours, Adelaide sneaks into the house. She always finds a way in here. She waves and smiles at me when she walks past, I still don’t know how she’s able to see me when I’m not visible to anyone, not that I mind cause I love her like a sister. She walks up behind Vivian, “You’re going to die in here.”

She’s never been one to know how to start a conversation.

~~~

I learned that Ben was a psychiatrist and Tate had an appointment with him today. He seems to be really determined to get to know these people, especially Violet. I thought about listening in, but that seemed too much. I just wandered the halls until I reached the bathroom. Violet hurts herself?

I hear footsteps and quickly sped off down the hall and hid behind a corridor, it was Tate. “You’re doing it wrong. If you wanna kill yourself, you should cut vertically. The doctors can’t stitch that up.” I hear him say.

What the hell? Why would he say that?

He closed the door and walked off. I shook my head and went up to the attic, my usual hang out spot.

I sat in the corner, I looked up and saw that the creepy rubber costume wasn’t there anymore. Thank god, that thing creeped me out to no end.

A red ball rolls to me, and I sigh. “I’m not in the mood, Beau.” I roll it back and it stays.

The attic door opens and Tate pops his head in, he sees me and smiles. “So, this is where you hang out? Good to know.” He says.

“Why? So you can annoy me better?” I say.

“Aw, don’t be like that. We should be friends.”

I laugh. “Yeah, right.”

Tate simple smirked and sat down beside me. “Come on. We’d make awesome...friends.”

I quickly scowled at him. “Why would you say that to Violet by the way? She could actually be convinced to do that, you know.”

“Oh, I was just trying to get another girl so we could have an afterlife threesome. Doesn’t that sound great?”

“Get outta here.”

Tate rolled his eyes, blowing me a kiss as he opened up attic door and descended the ladder. 

I scoff. This kid really is crazy, maybe it’s a good thing that he’s seeing Dr. Harmon. Tate climbed down the ladder and the attic door closed with a loud slam.

The red ball rolls to me.

~~~

Tate is hanging out with Violet on her room. I’m not stalking him! I just wanna make sure he doesn’t kill her. “Tate. What are you doing here? You need to leave now.” Ben says. Violet tries to calm her dad, but he insisted on him leaving.

“Just trying to be friends with your friendless daughter, Ben” Tate says. I roll my eyes and leave the hallway, accidently bumping into the kid. “Woah there. Aw, is someone spying on me?” He smirked.

I scoff. “As if.” Tate had a playful twinkle in his eyes, making me feel more nervous in his presence. “Just making sure you don’t murder that girl.”

“Me? Murdering someone? Nah.” He joked, but when he saw that I wasn’t joking, he dropped his smile. “Look, my murdering days are behind me, okay? I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I promise.”

“I’ll make sure to hold you to that, pretty boy.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty?”

“Don’t push me.” I scowled, Tate fake saluting me before I started to walk off. I gasped when I suddenly felt Tate turn me around so he could plant a kiss on my cheek. “What the hell?” I stuttered.

Tate simply shrugged and smiled. “You just look very kissable.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Ugh, this flopped but whatever

[kuwurapikaaa]

Chrollo Character Analysis

I have to warn you, even if this analysis does not have spoilers in the manga, but it is very long and with a dash of personal bias towards Chrollo - Admin MeiQi

Chrollo Lucilfer. One of the main villains of Hunter x Hunter. Leader of the phantom troupe, the band of thieves responsible for the Kurta massacre. Love him or hate him, he is an impressive character from a writer’s standpoint. You don’t know his morality. Like many characters in the manga, you don’t exactly know where to pinpoint him in the morality spectrum. He’s very gray in his morals, and that is what I want to see with a character.

Honestly, Chrollo is my most favorite character to write for, his complex character and his cunning personality easily makes him one of my favorites to stan and write for. Dissecting him is a very interesting thing to explore. - When I said that I can write a 2000 word essay on Chrollo, my friends said that they couldn’t believe that it was true or if I was joking, but here we are, with the quarantine and nothing to do, it has to lead me into this, a 2000 word monster.

His Past and How it affects him.

As of writing, we knew nothing about Chrollo’s past. And I think Togashi is not that interested in Chrollo. In my headcanon, Chrollo grew up roaming the streets of Meteor City. No family, no money, no food, nowhere to go. I can even see Chrollo doing sex work just to get around his life. He had to grow up very fast and was exposed to a cruel society at an early age. So, with his charm, his intelligence, and his sex appeal, he can put anyone around his fingers.

Meteor City is already a rough environment for an adult but you should also think about the children who roam the streets. How would a child interact with an environment as harsh as Meteor City? The city had always been described as this hell hole. Where people throw unwanted things, including unwanted children. Nobody was written in records and nobody knew the place. The city seems like it has no peace and is constantly in danger.

If my dad is writing this, he’d say that Chrollo is “Nagutuman” it literally means “starved”, it means that Chrollo got something taken away from him. Something that is really important. If I am going to paint a picture of Chrollo’s past, it would be less than beautiful.

Combined with Chrollo’s harsh upbringing and some type of mental illness, you have a recipe for disaster. - Perfect building blocks for a villain of a series as complex as Hunter x Hunter. As an aspiring writer, I always looked up to Togashi’s work and how complex the series is. Chrollo’s layers are one of the hardest for me to dissect without writing a long essay. Once you make me talk about Chrollo, I will run my mouth for ages. (Like what I am doing right now)

If I am going to embody Chrollo as one of the seven deadly sins, I think he’d probably represent greed, although envy is very close as well. He was a man with nothing who wants everything. He wants the money, he wants vast knowledge, he wants other people’s nen, he wants all the worldly things.

He was very obsessed with human nature. To the point that he will use this obsession to manipulate another person, and get what he wanted from them. He instilled himself to read books and observe the people around him. He used these books to pick a personality trait. Look, in typical literature, it’s easy to distinguish who is “good” and who is “bad” and personalities are not as complex as humans are.

With no one to talk to, he had this very reserved personality. Then, the books and observations couldn’t suffice anymore, so he started stealing very important things from people to know how they would feel when those worldly possessions were gone to them. When he saw how these people reacted to him doing that, he was joyed. He was happy in a twisted way to see what would happen. 

I would say Chrollo is kinda numb, but can you really blame the man himself? I don’t think so. Nobody looked after him. Nobody cared for him. Not that I’m trying to convince you that Chrollo is a good guy, which obviously is not the case. (Being the antagonist of the series)

Stealing these things made him understand humans, made an empty void in his body filled in this twisted way. But since Chrollo is greedy, these things never satisfied him. I can even compare him to Ging, Gon’s dad. His greed made him leave his son so that he can have all these adventures and stay a hunter forever.

That’s why I would hate being in the hunter x hunter universe. As someone who has a very set standard of morals, I don’t believe greedy people like hunters deserve the privileges that they are taking for granted. I believe that people should have equal rights and people that have privileges should use their privilege in the right way.

What is the troupe for him?

A favorite quote of mine from him would be “I’m not important, but my orders are.” It shows that Chrollo treats and respects each leg of the spiders like his equals. I would even argue that the members of the troupe are the only thing that is important to Chrollo. I would go more into that in the last category.

The troupe is everything for him. His friends, his family, and lastly an extension of himself. The troupe became his identity, the thing that gave him life, and probably the only thing that is making him significant in this world. The troupe members are the only ones who cared for their beloved boss

To form it, he gathered people that he trusted the most. They all shared a thing in common, immensely talented nen users and outcasts. They shared his philosophy. “We can steal anything from you, but never steal anything from us” He built the phantom troupe with immense trust and him sharing the same principles as his members.

The troupe members are the only people that actually know Chrollo and even then, as I observed, he doesn’t seem super close with anyone in the whole troupe, minus Pakunoda and Machi ?? I will expand on Pakunoda and Chrollo at another time.

One of the ironic things I have seen with the Phantom Troupe is how they would go through all that for the death of a member. (With the requiem for Uvogin) But it was also said that in order to join, you have to kill a member. I find it very contradictory. Or maybe they would get mad or be like that when the person who killed Uvogin didn’t join the troupe ?? That is just very ironic.

Although I don’t have an opinion on it, I am putting it out there so that we can discuss it below and what do you think about this ‘rule’ made by Chrollo. It was something I never thought of when writing this analysis or just as I am watching the anime and dissecting the manga.

How would his demise be?

I think his demise would be ironic and symbolic. As an avid fan of Teleseryes, anime, and a reader of many book series, I know what I’m talking about. His death would be satisfying to both him and the reader. I am aware that Togashi defies the tropes of regular shounen manga, but this ending is the best in a way that it is shocking and satisfying.

His death would be bittersweet. - His death would seem cold, yet twistedly satisfying. He would have nothing to lose. I have to stress it again, that he’s a man who has nothing, and for him, death is inevitable. Remember what Melody said? “He walked with death by his side” That means that the man is really prepared for his demise and feels satisfied whenever it would happen at whatever point of his life.

I can see that his troupe members would be in heaven already. Him being cornered by either Kurapika or Hisoka (if Hisoka wants a re-match). He’d be happy if Kurapika killed him because the boy will get what he wants because he knows that nothing good will happen in a life full of revenge. Kurapika will just regret it in the long run.

Yet, he would die with a smile on his face. A genuine smile, not the one that he’s showing to the people he manipulated. It would be the only time Chrollo would feel happy because he can join his troupe members in heaven. (If they are ever going there) He would be happy to be with the only people that he cared about.

In his conversation with Neon, which showed his human side (but of course, in typical Chrollo fashion, he used this vulnerability as an Uno reverse card and manipulated Neon with it) he showed that he genuinely believed in the afterlife. In life and death. In heaven and earth. In sin and forgiveness. In my headcanon, Chrollo is a devout Christian like myself. He prays every night and day.

His favorite bible verse in someone’s headcanon that I also agree would be Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily anger, it keeps no records of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

This exact verse shows that Chrollo is someone that has sympathy, as much as he is portrayed as evil, in fiction’s black and white principle. But, he always cared for the Phantom Troupe. The troupe is above his life. The number tattoo that they have shows his loyalty and how he would instill to his members that “once you’re a spider, you’d always be a spider”. As said before, the troupe is the extension of his identity.

The million-dollar question: Is Chrollo capable of loving someone?

As much as I am the Chrollo fucker that I am, I will answer you wholeheartedly, No. Why? You may ask. Because at the end of the day, Chrollo is a thief, a wanted criminal with a high bounty on his head. Having a significant other can throw him off from his highly unattainable ambitions, from him achieving what he wants in his life.

When I was writing my OC, Zara, that was partnered with Chrollo, I started thinking about this deeper. Since Zara is an OC of mine that is like the opposite of Chrollo. She wanted simple things like a family and a husband that will love her forever. - Chrollo doesn’t want all of that. As I said before, what he wants is the treasures and knowledge to fill his empty void.

I don’t think Chrollo is someone who is capable of loving someone. - That is my opinion. 

Like he isn’t the kind of guy for a long term commitment. He will fuck, but he’s the kind of guy to leave you behind. He sees that his troupe is far more important than some girl/man that would leave him if they knew he was this wanted criminal.

As much as the troupe is a piece of huge evidence to show that Chrollo is capable of loving people in a genuine sense, but his love for his troupe is limited to familial and mutual respect and trust. It isn’t something that should be taken into a romantic context.

Chrollo’s relationships minus the troupe will always end up in an abusive standpoint. It will always be filled with Chrollo feeding his partner lies about himself just to get what he wants. I said in his past that he never had anything, so he wants to take away everything from other people.

Without his manipulative nature, it would be hard for Chrollo to express love in a genuine way. I can even say that he’s like Kurapika in this department. They both are emotionally constipated people. Yet, they express it in a different way, being traumatized in different ways. Chrollo, unlike Kurapika, he used people to get what he wants and not push them away.

Since I am not a registered medical professional, I am not going to diagnose Chrollo with a mental illness. Like surely he does, but without proper knowledge, I cannot personally deliver it to the reader.

[guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom]

Blessing in Disguise

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Hospitals, Explosions, depictions of pain, allusions to mania and depression, self harm/unhealthy coping mechanisms, mentions of death and the dead, gambling, potential underage drinking, theft, guns, gun violence, depictions of bullet wounds, and drunk people. 

Word Count: 3.4k

Songs: All the kids are depressed- Jeremy Zucker, Everywhere- Chloe x Halle, Middle Child- J. Cole, She Knows- J. Cole, Breezeblocks- alt-J, Pussycat Doll-Flo Milli, It’s Been So Long- The Living Tombstone, Take me to Church- Hozier, Good Kid- Kendrick Lamar, Death of a Bachelor- Panic! At the Disco, Them Changes- Thundercat, Detention- Melanie Martinez, Recess- Melanie Martinez, Something for your M.I.N.D- Superorganism 

A/N: I actually hate this chapter because I feel like the writing doesn’t flow. I feel like it’s to jampacked with things that don’t do anything to push the story forward. Anyway I hope you still read it anyways. 

Series Masterlist   Previous Part   Next Part

I did the hand sign stating I’d stand. I knew I won for sure this time because I had a perfect hand of 21. The two other people playing against groaned as I was declared the winner yet again. 

Swiping the chips for the 3rd time since I’d been at the casino. I decided to take my wins and make my way to the bar that our “target” was residing. 

I had a hunch on where Carmen was but had no actual idea. I’d just text her. In the meantime I had this grown ass man to make a move on. 

I was like 97% sure I had the right guy anyway. I looked much older than usual tonight due to Carmen being a makeup goddess and I gotta say flirting can get you a long way. 

“Hey,” I spoke, sitting on the bar stool next to the man.

He looked up at me mumbling a quick hey.

“You expecting someone?” 

“Nope,” He popped the ‘p’ “What about you?”

“Same as you,”

“Now I don’t believe someone as beautiful as you is here alone,” He moved his arm that much closer to mine. I pushed out a smile and giggled. 

“I could say the same about you,” We made eye contact for a second “But no seriously, I’m just here with a girlfriend. It was my birthday yesterday but she wasn’t free so we came out today,” I lied. 

“How old did you turn?”

“Twenty Two,” He nodded seemingly content with the answer. 

“So you’re not around here are you?”

“Either you’re a genius or I’m just very bad at blending in, no I’m from New York,” 

“Ah, I have some friends in New York, which part?” 

“Harlem actually but I recently moved to Queens,” I lied again. 

“Oh I don’t many from those cities,”

“If we're being honest I don’t know many people from Queens either my life’s been more hectic ever since I moved,”

“I hear you,” He informed me, leaning on the small backing the stools had. 

We talked for about 15 more minutes, him explaining the switch between New York to Nevada. Then Carmen walked up to me and feigned drunkenness signaling she was done with her job. I made my way back. To the man who’s name I still hadn’t learned. 

“As much fun as I was having talking to you, my friend is way too drunk to be out in public so we should probably head back to the hotel.” I sat back on the barstool turning my legs towards the man batting my eyes 

“Could I possibly use your phone to call an Uber mine is dead?” 

“Yeah of course you can…” His sentence fizzed off at the end in place of where my name would be.

“Ciara,” I filled in “And you are?” 

“Jim” He started handing me the phone.

I used his phone for an entirely different reason than I’d claimed. The project Carmen had been working on was melting the wires together to fix the flash drive that works inside of phones. It hadn’t worked in years.

It took about a minute to duplicate the phone's data. I stuck the flash drive in my bra before going to give the phone back. 

Just as I started moving a loud argument broke out, by the drunk accents I could tell it would soon get violent. Seeing as I had many experiences with an aggressive drunk. I wasn’t going to take my chances and began turning towards the main exit.

 I heard the first shot echo followed by another. Soon everyone was shooting. Including Carmen who I think just wanted an excuse to shoot at people passing it off as “protecting her friends”. 

She was closer to the exit than I was so she slid me the gun and I was able to ward off anyone shooting in our general direction. Not for long though. A bullet lightly grazed my dominant arm’s shoulder; it still dug in enough to do some sweet damage. 

Fuck

What’s up with me? I haven’t been on my A game lately. 

We were also out of bullets. Mostly because we weren’t actually expecting to have to fucking shoot at people. I ducked back down behind the bar trying not to get caught on the broken glassware. 

“I think it would be a good time to do that thing?” I asked. 

She rolled her eyes 

“You know I hate doing it,”

“Well I’m literally bleeding out,” I dramatized pointing to my shoulder. “So if you want to get out of here not in body bags, do the thing,” 

“Alright, just this one time,” She begrudgingly made her way out from behind the bar and away from me. 

I covered my ears and closed my eyes as the glass around me rained down and the bar shook. I could slightly hear the cries from beneath my hands. Once she moved back over to me 

“See that wasn’t so bad, birdy,” I scrambled up to my feet ignoring the pull in my shoulder. 

I made my rounds grabbing Jim’s phone, cash, wallets, watches, and anything else that looked expensive from pockets and the ground. 

I stood awkwardly staring at my feet as I slid from side to side with my butt planted on my skateboard. 

“Hi,” I heard squinting my eyes looking up revealing a equally nervous looking Peter

“Hey,” I nodded at him. 

The conversation wasn’t as awkward as I thought it’d be he’d apparently asked Liz to prom and he said yes. Which I was definitely super happy about because why wouldn’t I be? 

Anyway who cares about that anyway. Props to Peter for not bringing up the whole ghosting everyone thing for like a week thing. Because if he didn’t bring it up I was going to act like it never happened. 

We talked about everything and anything. From favorite candies or colors to our beliefs about life after death. I’d found out his favorite candy were skittles, favorite color: red and that he was Jewish but not necessarily religious and didn’t believe in heaven or hell but he believed in the eternity of a soul. 

I’d told him that my favorite candy was F/C, my favorite color being pink and that I didn’t know what I believed in. I believed in a higher power but not that they were inherently good because of all the suffering on earth. I’d told him if they weren’t good and had abandoned us while alive. Why would they care or have any plan for us into the afterlife? I think that part is up to us, and what we believe. I’m trying not to think about death.

Then like clockwork he had to leave before 9 which is funny because it’s like he wasn’t even trying to hide his secret identity. He’d told me he lost the internship and normally his excuse to leave was the internship. 

I just guess that means he no longer has Stark’s backup. He only had it for a while anyway he’d be fine without it again. Actually when I think about it,  from his behavior he’d exhibited as Spiderman in the short few months I’d had the displeasure of knowing him as ‘Thorn’ he’d be weak. He was unconfident, relied on his tools far too much. Couldn’t see himself without the suit. So maybe he was really just going home. So he’d be fine. 

I’d also be fine. No matter how much it didn’t look like it at the moment. I’d be fine. I was always fine. I was fine without my mom, without Rose, without my dad, without Olivia and any one else I’d ever been stupid enough to get attached to. I’d bounce back. I always did. 

It’d taken Carmen much convincing to not sit around and babysit me 24/7 because of my shoulder. She was sure that I’d do something dumb and it would get infected. 

 I was sitting on MJ’s bed getting ready for homecoming. My neck jerked again as Bri attempted to detangle and braid my hair. 

If I hadn’t spiraled into the Vulture, Kingpin and SHIELD, rabbit hole I probably would have taken better care of myself and my hair. 

“Stop moving,” She tsked.

“Stop trying to rip my head off my neck,” I hissed back. 

Bri did my nails back when we were still at her house waiting for MJ to pick us up. She actually did pretty good. I think she would do great at a cosmetology school. She's pretty much into everything: hair, nails, makeup the whole nine yards. She did all of that for me. 

The make up was very simple, but I was still able to get my signature winged eyeliner. Winged eyeliner is something very dear to me mostly because Rose was the first to put me on it and I wore it everyday since. It kinda felt disrespectful to stop at this point.

The only thing left was the dress MJ had gifted me. Her mom bought her a dress but she still refused to wear dresses so she returned it for this one, she opted for a very nice pantsuit she already had. Then Bri's outfit of course matched her boyfriend’s. 

I’ve never really liked school dances they’re always so overhyped, but I go to them all anyways, because then I get in on all the drama. It helped me build up my arsenal of knowledge about everyone. 

I was sitting at one of the round tables near the entrance with MJ, Bri, and Olivia. We had a bottle of “Gatorade” open and out for anybody who wanted to drink it. I was about to drink from it when I saw Liz enter alone. 

I made my way over to her.

“Where’s Peter? I thought he asked you?” 

“I don’t even know he just ditched me,” She let out a deep breath. 

“Aw I’m sorry,” I wrapped my good arm around her shoulder.

 “Well don’t think about that asshole, you’re way out of his league anyway,” I assured her to which she let out a weak laugh. 

“Come sit with me and my friends,” 

 A girl with knockers dancing all along her head came up to before speaking 

“Why are you crying?” 

I sniffed pulling my head from my arms. 

“I miss my mom,” 

“I miss my mom sometimes but I like my grandma too,”

“Where’s your mom?” I asked.

“I don’t know my grandma says she’s sick,” She shrugged. “Where’s your mom?”

“Well my grandma says she’s in a better place now but I know that just means dead,” 

“Yeah my dad is dead too so I know what you mean, I’m Rose. What’s your name?”

“Y/N,” 

“Y/N, that's a pretty name,” She smiled. “You wanna come sit with me and my friends Y/N?”

“Y/N!”

I jumped a bit at the voice before matching it to MJ

“What?” I asked in a harsher tone then necessary.  

“Jeez sorry,” She reeled back “Someone is asking for you named Carmen. They said it’s important,” She waved her phone around. 

My face dropped and I hoped no one caught it. 

I grabbed the phone exiting the auditorium.

“Okay what’s up?” 

“You know Liz’s dad whatever her name is but yeah, He’s gonna rob that plane that’s moving everything from the Avengers tower,” She rushed

“What!?”

Holy shit 

That must be where Peter’s went. So he figured it out too. Kid’s smarter than I give him credit for.

“I’ll send you the location on your phone,”

“Why didn’t you just call me from there?”

“Because you never answer it,”

“True,” 

“Y/N?” She whispered.

“Yeah?” 

“Be careful,” 

“Always,” I smiled. 

I rushed out of the building not thinking about how I could get caught. Near the buses there was the new Shocker lying unconscious. 

I took the webshooter I found next to him. Then made a run for it. Stopping to hot wire the nearest car, I sped to one of the locations that I knew Vulture’s team kept their weapons at. I was throwing everything in the same pile. Getting ready to destroy them. 

Then the door creaked open.

I felt the bed dip as my brother sat next to me. 

“Are you coming?”

I pulled the cover off my face 

“Why should I?”

“Because you’ll regret it if you don’t,” 

“No I won’t leave me alone,” I pulled the cover back over my head. 

“You gotta eat something,” 

“No I don’t leave me alone,” 

“Y/N…”

I knew what he was going to say and I didn’t wanna hear it. 

“She would want you to eat something,”

“Fuck you! How would you ever know what she would've wanted? No one here knew her and now one will ever get the chance to again so just leave me alone,” 

“Y/N-“

“Don’t Y/N me, get the fuck out of my room,” He sat there for a second, stunned “NOW!” 

As soon as the door closed and I flipped back over

I was shaken back into the present only to find that I was pinned under the man who’d entered the room before I zoned out. He reached for the nearest weapon. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. Which is rare. I have a whole weapons catalog in my brain. Unfortunately for him he couldn’t grab it without giving me leeway to get from underneath them. 

Unfortunately for me I put too much pressure on my arm in the seconds I took to grip my shoulder recuperating myself. The man had fired the weapon he had at the pile of weapons that I stumbled back towards. 

The weapons then emitted purple light before exploding leaving me caught under some wood and concrete as the ringing in my ears only got louder and louder.

The fire around me crackled loudly and I bit my lip.

The smoke was only getting more plentiful.

I started coughing which only got more and more painful.

When I came to myself, I wasn’t choking anymore and the fire around me had died down. I was able to push myself from underneath the rubble holding me down. Not without lots of pain though.

The dress I was wearing was torn completely, holes big enough to see what I was wearing underneath it already. 

So I just took it off.

It wasn’t like I was completely naked I was wearing boxers. Not like I haven’t left the house in a bra and shorts before. Also who gives a fuck I just almost died. 

It was like 35° but I wasn’t cold in the slightest. I was actually kind of hot.

If my phone was accurate the plane had already made it near the edge of Queens and Staten Island. Rushing there I was seconds late as I saw the plane crash after I saw two figures fighting along it. 

There was fire everywhere but I wasn’t thinking. I was just running because I couldn’t make out Peter’s shape and if he was dead- 

I swear to fucking God if he was dead. Not again. I couldn’t handle another death.

Peter was saying something. No, pleading as the Vulture stood tall with his wings still intact. He was talking about how it was a nice try and he doesn’t know what he’s messing with.

Peter might not but I knew what this was. I also knew I wasn’t letting him get away with it. 

The wings started producing visible waves of heat. Then it hit me, what Peter was trying to say. The wings were gonna blow.  I got a head start and lunged towards the man. The element of surprise was on my side. That was until he used the wings to lift himself off the ground. 

Now I was fine with parkour and other activities, but being lifted off the ground by someone else, someone who’d never interacted with me ever, is where I draw the line. Then Peter was shooting a web at the wings. To which Vulture dropped me to go after him.

Oh hell no.

“Give it up Peter,” He continued to get closer and closer as the webs were continuously cut through. 

You know how people say they see in red when they get angry? Well the opposite of that happens to me I just see black. Remembering very little to nothing.

Last thing I remembered was fire just fire. From my fingertips, arms, head. It destroyed the wings in seconds, before they had a chance to blow up on their own. 

Peter webbed up the man before moving out of my sight. 

How the fuck do you get fire coming from your body. 

 Literally what the actual fuck. 

I couldn’t breathe. 

That’s what it was, I was dying, I was probably in some coma and this was a weird hallucination my brain pushed out in its final moments.

Okay this is it. I was dying suffocating in some coma.

Or even worse this wasn’t a coma and I was going to die with my body lit on fire literally.

“Oh my God,” I gasped trying to get air into my lungs. 

I closed my eyes and when I opened them Peter was in front of me in a torn up ripoff suit. 

“Y/N,” He moved trying to catch my eye.

“Y/N, Y/N breathe…”

I couldn’t really process his words. My mind was clouded with fear, fear and anger. 

Before I knew it I was hitting my head so I wouldn’t hit anyone or anything else. It’d been a coping mechanism I used ever since I was 3. 

Peter reached for my arms reeling back after his hands came into contact with my boiling skin. 

“Y/N you have to calm down,” He moved in front of me.

I stopped moving my hands but it was still difficult to breathe.

The monitors beeped all around me and if I closed my eyes  and concentrated hard enough. I could convince myself they were birds. 

I could tell from the patter of the knock on the door that it was Rose. 

“Come in!” I called out.

She picked up the clipboard examining it. As she did every time she visited. Luckily for everyone there was no nurse she could bombard with questions and criticism. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked. 

“Itchy, like my guts are on fire,” 

To which she replied by singing the chorus to Girl on Fire. 

“Anyway,” she brought us back after our laughter. “I got you pizza today since I’m sure you’re tired of McDonald’s,”

“I don’t mind McDonald’s actually, anything is better than hospital food. Well actually, their chicken strips aren’t that bad,” 

She placed the box down on my lap. I lifted up the lid and was hit with the smell of the many herbs. I pat by my legs signaling she could sit down. She wiggled into the spot that the bar of the bed allowed. 

“What are we watching today?” 

“Uh…” I clicked on the TV “Vampire Diaries?,”

“That show is still going?

“Yeah, I don’t think it’ll ever end,” 

Somehow the show turned into us dancing around the cramped hospital room.

We spun like the ballerinas in the broken jewelry box I got from my mom. Arms flailing around. The air conditioner made a rattling noise and a half eaten pizza on the bed. The situation was probably extremely weird or unpleasant from any other perspective, but because it was her it was perfect. 

It was like the moment in rom coms where the camera zooms into the main characters dancing as the rest of the characters are put out of focus and they stare into each other’s eyes. I closed my eyes. 

When I opened them I saw Peter’s eyes above mine. 

His hands were immediately on my face making my look straight at him. 

“Are you okay?” He breathed out. 

I sat up feeling a pounding in my head and a pull in my lungs. I was met with the fact that I was definitely not on the ground. I was actually very far from the ground on some ride on the pier. My mouth was dry so it took me a minute to get the words out and when I did it hurt my throat.

“Yeah ’m okay jus’ tired,”

“Okay, well don’t go back to sleep because I think you have a concussion,” 

“You’re acting like I died or something, how long was I out dang,” I joked I always hated when things got too serious. 

“Uh probably...30 minutes? I don’t know I don’t have a watch,” He sniffed and that's when I realized he’d be crying. 

“Were you crying? I knew you cared about me,” I smiled “It was only a matter of time before you fell in love with me, I’m irresistible” 

He laughed weakly wiping his eyes “This isn’t funny,” 

I looked up at him and started uncontrollably giggling. Soon Peter was laughing too.

The moment was interrupted by a squad of police cars pulling up. I absolutely did not want to get down but my tired muscles betrayed me. I was extremely exhausted.  I literally could not move. I just had to go wherever Peter decided to take me. I honestly think I might have a few broken ribs. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before though. We stood off to the side watching as Vulture was stuffed into the back of one of the cars. 

“So Spiderman?” I smirked.

“Uh.. no?” He said as if he’s questioning himself. 

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone I’ve known for a while now,” I twisted my body to face him hissing as a sharp sting shot through my body “You're not very good at hiding it,”

“Hey!” He cried out “But seriously you can’t tell anyone,”

“I already said I wouldn’t, but if it makes you feel better I’ll pinky promise you, and everyone knows you can’t break a pinky promise,”

“Alright,” He sighed.

I tried to move closer again and was stopped by the pain in my sides. 

“Okay well, the offer still stands, you’re just gonna have to come over here,”

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

[rebhb]

hello, darlings! my name is moon, i am twenty years old and i live in hell, gmt-3. english is not my first language so please, be patient with me if you see any mistakes in our threads --- i promise i’m doing my best. i also ask for you guys to tag anything related to the ocean and its animals, even more if they’re explicit images or descriptive mentions of those things. anyways, enough about me! under the read more you’ll find some information about the chameleon, but you can click this link if you’d like to read his entire biography ♥

TRIGGER WARNINGS : mentions of death, blood, shooting.

THE CHAMELEON : bae hanbyeol, @athanatos. 

before afterlife, hanbyeol was born from a famous actress and a famous musician. he was born a celebrity and lived his entire life surrounded by cameras and fame, encouraged to be a musician just like his father.

he did become a musician and a very popular one, definitely the country’s favorite singer and with that. he conquered a lot --- a legion of fans being part of those achievements.

afraid of being in scandals that could potentially ruin his image and career, hanbyeol prived himself from living a normal life.

in fact, that only made him become unhappy and crave for the anonymity of a simple life.

but that unhappy life came to an end when he was shot, a fan awaited for him to get back home from an event and surprised hanbyeol with a bullet straight into his heart. 

when he woke up again, as contradictory as it sounds, hanbyeol was dead and uploaded in afterlife.

after afterlife, he felt nothing but confusion for the first few years, he didn’t have a lot of information about what all of that was --- he was only the third person to be uploaded into that new world.

but eventually, hanbyeol understood that he was given a second chance: he could try again and maybe give himself the life that he so much envied of those that didn’t have to deal with fame like he had.

for that reason, he excluded himself from others. he became a loner, an enthusiast of solitude, and an appreciator of his own silence.

he finally learned what peace felt like, and he was not willing to change it.

to make up for the lack of social interactions, that hanbyeol could swear he didn’t need, he started a diary --- he wrote in that notebook everything that intrigued him about afterlife, and that includes glitches, errors, typos, literally anything that would catch his attention.

he believed that maybe, one day, all of those things he wrote about could be useful to someone --- either to improve the system or to become the history of what afterlife once was.

right now, hanbyeol has become someone paranoid, almost as much as he used to be in his life before afterlife. he barely leaves his apartment, afraid that people ( a number that has increased considerably ever since he was uploaded ) will recognize him for who he was in the past.

sometimes you’ll meet him as hanbyeol, sometimes as jihoon, and some other times as daehyun; and he will come up with a new name whenever he feels like it’s needed, just to protect his anonymity and the silence that he has conquered in his second chance at life.

his paranoia sometimes gets the best of him and he feels uncomfortable being around crowds, so he might ask to go somewhere private whenever he has company --- doesn’t matter if they’re friends, new acquaintances, or even enemies!

he’s a good man, though... just needs the right encouragement to get out of his apartment and actually live his second life properly.

POSSIBLE WANTED PLOTS : 

NEIGHBORS + 02. : you either worry about him or you really don’t understand him. he’s always locked in his apartment and you really don’t know why --- but you know it’s not okay. you either try to encourage him to leave and enjoy life, or you just try to approach him to find out why he’s so distant from everything.

TRAVELERS + 01 --- TAKEN. : you’re one of the very few people that manage to convince hanbyeol to leave his apartment when he doesn’t need it. you make him want to discover the world and you do it together, he can barely feel the time pass when you’re together.

TRUSTWORTHY + 02 --- 1 TAKEN. : he finds comfort in your company, he feels like he can tell you everything and anything without suffering the consequences of it. definitely one of the best friends he will ever make in the afterlife.

THE PANIC + 01 --- TAKEN. : you’ve met him before your death and not only once, so when you see a familiar face again... you can’t help but to try to approach him, which sets his paranoia to its peak and makes him panic every time he sees you.

UNKNOWN CODES + 01. : there are so many things he has seen in all these years in afterlife, mistakes caused by the programmers of the system and things that will probably never happen again --- things that could maybe be very precious to someone who knows what they mean.

NOT ONLY PHYSICAL + 01 — TAKEN. : he never planned on leaving the closet, not even when he was still alive. his sexuality was a big secret that only one person knew of before afterlife — a security guard he had an undisclosed relationship with before his death. but now, being alone for so many years has kind of made hanbyeol feel a little needy… until he meets you. there is a good connection and good chemistry between the both of you and things kinda become more than just a friendship.

UNREQUITED + 01. : you have a crush on him but unfortunately, it is not mutual... he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know if he should or not because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. he just doesn’t know what to do when you’re around.

ANNOYANCE + 02. : something about him makes you want to punch him. it’s probably how he doesn’t seem to care about anything, and yet, care about everything all at once. he’s always contradicting himself and it upsets you so much... or maybe there’s another reason, who knows?

BABYSITTER + 03. : if there is one person that has time to take care of your pet when you’re not home, that’s hanbyeol. he loves animals and he treats all of them like they’re his own, and there is a chance ( in fact, a certainty ) that he likes your pet more than he likes you.

AND THAT’S ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW BUT I’LL ADD MORE WITH TIME!!! i find it easier to plot and discuss things on discord, so dm me your username and i’ll add you --- though i don’t mind plotting through tumblr ims too.

anyways, welcome to all of us! ♥

[robinrunsfiction]

Consider..Demon!Gerard (he’s such a sweetheart,,calls herbsugar,,darling-also super shady tho)finds the reader dying (mugged maybe?)And brings her back to life(the afterlife??)she lives with him now because thats what happens when a demon saves u ig?Anyways theyre kinda falling in love,,she falls asleep on him on the couch one night,,the next night what do u know things happen and things are said and they end up making out in their underwear in her room,, suuper fluffy,, they fall asleep

Have You Heard the News That You’re Dead?

Pairing: Demon!Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: TeenRequested By: AnonWord Count: ~2,400Author’s Note: Hi, my name is Robin and I am physically incapable of writing a short story, but this is super super late so I hope that makes up for it! I use the prompt “Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but much more effective.” from @writing-prompt-s as my guide for this one. Also TW: for mentions of death, but if you didn’t get that from the ask, I can’t help you.

You always knew you were different. You could tell the vibe you gave off wasdifferent of that of everyone else. Dogs growled or ran away when you walkeddown the street. Old ladies would clutch their pearls. If it hadn’t been likethat for as long as you could remember, it would be alarming to say the least.What you weren’t aware of was the fact that most people had a guardian angellooking out for them, and you had a guardian demon.

That’s not to say it made you a bad person, you just had a different way of moving through life. Sure trouble found you more often than others, but you were still having a hell of a good time. That is until the night you stumbled alone out of that bar in a drunken stupor. You’d be fine you reasoned. You were always fine. Until that guy with a knife appeared and you didn’t have any money left to give him and that answer angered him, and then you were bleeding on the ground.

The last thing you saw was a man with black eyes and black hair and a pale face running up, muttering obscenities under his breath, clearly panicked. All youcould wonder was why there was no one to look out for you at that moment.

~

You woke up in a bed that wasn’t familiar in a room you’d never seen. You sat upand saw your shirt still had the hole from where you’d been stabbed, but yourskin was unbroken underneath. You had been certain you were dying on that street. Was this some kind of weird hospital? Had you been in a coma for years? What was going on?

You got out of the bed and moved quietly toward the door. As you wandered down the dark hallway, you could hear music playing. Following the sound, you found yourself in a living room, where someone, a man with black hair, sat with his back to you.

“‘Scuse me,” you started and he turned to look at you with those same black eyes you saw when you were on the street. “What the fuck?” you gasped asyou backed away. “Where am I? Where did you take me?” You demanded.

He sat down the book he was reading and strode over to you. “My name isGerard. I’m your guardian demon and for the sake of honesty, its my fault you’redead.”

“I’m dead?!” You shrieked. “Demon? Am I in hell?!”

“Not exactly. You’re at my place, which dimensionally speaking, is earth-adjacent… on the hell side. Come sit down, I’ll explain everything.”

“No! I wanna go home!”

Gerard winced. “That’s the thing sugar, this is your home now.”

Gerard had to rush to help you sit down, as your legs seemingly were not working at the moment and you looked like you were about to collapse.

“You see,” he started once you were seated, “most of you humans have guardian angels. A few of you lucky ones get us, guardian demons.”

“How is that lucky? I’m doomed to hell before I even get a crack at life?” Youargued.

“Oh you aren’t doomed, you’re destined to become a demon as well. Knowing you guarding another luck human soul until its time they join our ranks.”

“Then what am I doing here?”

“You weren’t supposed to be dead yet. I fucked up.”

“Shocker.”

Gerard descended upon you, his face inches from yours. “Oh sugar, didn’t I dowell for the last however many years? Didn’t you have a life anyone could wishfor?”

You didn’t know how to respond, so you just swallowed thickly.

“I thought so,” he said righting himself. “Besides, my duty to you is not relieved now that you are deceased. We need to keep you hidden here so management doesn’t know that I-”

“Fucked up and let me die.”

Gerard glared down at you. “Exactly. But don’t worry sugar, I intend to keeptaking the best care of you. I promise you that.”

Despite Gerard’s explanation of events you still weren’t totally convinced he wasn’t full of shit. That was until he left you alone in the living area for a whileand you snuck over to the window to look out.

His apartment was a couple stories up on a busy street. But instead of the usualbustle of cars and people there were what could only be described as creatures.

Sure some of them, like Gerard, looked human, save for the black eyes, or horns sticking out of their hair. Some looked like something you’d read about in ahorror novel. You watched wide eyed as they passed along the sidewalk belowyou, going about their demonic business.

“Believe me now?” Gerard asked, startling you away from the window.

“Sure,” you said sitting down again. It was all too much to take. “But what am Igonna until my destined death day?”

“Think of it as if its one of those days you called out sick from work so you couldsit and watch hours of TV.”

“I’m doomed to watch Judge Judy and Maury forever?! I mean one day is fine, but for eternity?!”

“No, anything you want to watch, read, listen to, its all at your disposal,” heexplained.

“Will I need to do live human stuff like… eat or sleep again?”

“Totally optional,” he said. “Just like all other carnal needs.”

You just rolled your eyes and went to examine the bookshelf. Not surprisingly itwas filled with books on the occult, as well as a lot on history, art and music.

“’Bout what I expected,” you said running your fingers over the spines of thebooks, “for a demon.” When you glanced up Gerard was watching youintently and it made you shiver involuntarily.

“Help yourself to any of them. I have to go meet up with some associates. Don’tanswer the door if anyone comes around, remember, you’re alive.”

You just rolled your eyes as you pulled a book off the shelf and sat down to read.

~

You had no idea how long had passed, time being more of a human construct it would appear by the lack of clocks in the apartment. Or maybe they weren’t andGerard’s lack of time management was the cause of your current, or ratherpermanent, state of being.

Eventually you got up and watched the demons on the street for a while, then wandered through the rest of the apartment. Who knew Demons would be so sensible as to have guest bedrooms? The closet will full of clothes that seemed to be similar to the style you like while you were alive. You changed out of the shirt you died in, a thought that made you shudder, and into one that was less holey.

Moving on you noted there was no bathroom, but that made sense given what he had said about things that were “optional”. The kitchen was impressivelystocked with rich foods and fancy wines and liquors. Maybe Gerard liked toentertain? Well he wasn’t doing that impressive of a job of it right now youthought as you found yourself getting bored.

As if on cue, Gerard burst through the door. “Miss me sugar?” He askedas he breezed into the kitchen where you were still standing, feeling slightlyguilty, like you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

“Not really,” you mumbled.

“Oh come on sugar,” he said slinking up to you and grazing your cheek with hisfingers, “is that anyway to talk to your roommate?”

You made a disgusted noise and rolled your eyes before pushing past him.

“This is gonna be a fucking long eternity,” he muttered under his breath.

~

The thing you most enjoyed about not being alive was similar to your favorite part of being alive: sleeping. You would sleep as long as you wanted without any repercussions or judgement from others. Gerard certainly didn’t mind, as this left more time for him to do whatever he wanted since he no longer had to watch over you so closely.

Soon though he realized he missed it. He was fond of you, as he had to be based on the nature of the work, but he always enjoyed making trouble for the people who pissed you off during the day. Now he watched as a dark cloud started to gather over your waking hours, the shelves of books and movies and music no longer drawing your interest like it used to. One evening he walked into the living room to find you staring blankly at the wall.

“Novelty of it has worn off, hasn’t it?” He asked.

“Yea, and the permanence is setting in,” you sighed.

Gerard sat down next to you. “I am truly sorry. You probably don’t believe me,but its true.”

“What happened that night?” You asked as you let your head fall against hisshoulder and he moved his arm so it was around you.

“Remember that guy that was bothering you at the bar earlier in the night?”

“Yea…”

“I scared him off, that’s why he left you alone. He found someone else and theywere gonna hook up in the bathroom and I made sure that the whiskey he wasdrinking lived up to its reputation.”

You chuckled at the thought of the douche who had been talking such big game all night not being able to perform.

“I got carried away, but I’ve always hated guys like that,” Gerard admitted.“There really is a special place in hell for them.”

“Good,” you said, as you settled into him even more. A small smile tugged at his lips. “What else did you do for me?”

Gerard reclined to get more comfortable as he launched into his favorite stories of when he dealt out cosmic retribution on your behalf.

“You’re evil, but like, good evil,” you hummed as you slid down so you were laying against his chest. His arms wrapped around you protectively.

The next thing you knew you were being awakened by a hammering at the door. You both sat bolt upright and looked at each other.

“Gerard, you home?” a voice called from the other side.

“Go hide in your room,” he whispered and you hurried off and Gerard went to thedoor.

“Frank, what’s going on?” Gerard asked coolly.

“You got a hot little succubus in there?” Frank asked trying to look past Gerard.

“What’s going on Frank?” Gerard asked again, sounding more exasperated.

“Management is starting to ask about your human. No one has seen her in a while. You still keeping track of her?”

“Of course,” Gerard lied easily. “She’s just been dealing with some shit, so she’sbeen laying low.”

Frank nodded skeptically. “Just looking out for you. I’d hate to have you get fired,that would mean more work for me,” he laughed. “Besides, you know what happens when you get fired.”

Gerard nodded, trying not to let the nerves show. He remembered the last time another demon got fired. He couldn’t sleep for weeks it shook him so bad.

“Alright, I’ll leave you be, I know you got someone in there,” Frank smirked as he left.

Gerard went back to your room and found you hiding in the closet. “You’re good.”

“What’s going on?” You asked getting up.

“I’m gonna have to go topside and act like you’re still alive, or else I’m as deadas you.”

“Demons can die?”

“Not exactly the same, but it sure as shit ain’t pretty when it happens,” Gerard muttered.

“I wish I could help.”

“Not your fault, sugar,” he said as he headed back toward the front door. “I gottaclean up my mess for a while.”

“When will you be back?”

“You’ll barely know I’m gone,” he winked.

You spent what felt like forever sitting around, bored and lonely and thinking.Thinking for hours about what Gerard was risking keeping you here, and everything he had done for you your whole life. When the door finally opened again, you jumped up excitedly.

“Hey sugar,” he greeted you with a smile.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yea, we’re good for a while,” he said shrugging off his jacket. “I don’t thinkanyone will be asking questions anytime soon.”

“Good,” you said as you walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug.

Gerard stiffened momentarily, surprised by the affection, but then softened andwrapped his arms around you as well. “You decided you like me then?”

“Maybe it’s just Stockholm Syndrome, but yea, I think I do kinda like you after all. I have really did have the time of my life when I was alive, and I know you’re tothank for a lot of that,” you said before leaning up and placing a kiss on hischeek.

When you pulled back, he was looking down at you fondly. He reached up and ran his fingers along your jaw and leaned in and kissed you deeply. His lips tasted like coffee and red hots, as his arms wrapped around you and held you closer to him. You ran your hands through his dark hair and allowed his tongue to slip in against yours.

You pulled back and Gerard looked at you in confusion until you grabbed him by the collar and pulled him along back to the bedroom. He started to undo the buttons of his shirt as you peeled yours off as well. You pulled Gerard back to you again and your lips met as you tumbled against the bed. Gerard held himself over you as he undid his pants, and you slipped out of yours as well. Clad only in your respective undergarments, you continued your heated make out session, tongues moving together, hands roaming over bare skin, marks left upon necks. After what could have been 10 minutes, or maybe a decade, Gerard pulled back and looked down at you “(YN), I’ve never felt like this before,” he whispered.

“What, demons don’t do emotions?”

“Yea, but not usually love.”

You looked up at him and grinned. “Yea, I think I’d like to spend eternity here with you.”

Gerard grinned and rolled over to your side. You curled against him as he wrapped his arms around you and you both fell asleep peacefully.

[atopearth]

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 3 - Unlimited Blade Works Route (½)

Day 1-10 Ooh, so on Rin’s route, Shirou would use a Command Spell to stop Saber from attacking Archer and Rin when they appear to save him from Lancer~ Something I forgot to talk about in the last route though is that, I always thought it didn’t seem logical for Archer to not even be able to react when Saber appears to attack them, but in reality, it seems he did react, he just hesitated when he saw Saber and that’s why she was able to badly wound him in the Fate route, and it’s kinda crazy how I never linked the dots properly as to who Archer was even with hints like that haha. I always found it weird that Shirou never questioned Rin about how she knew he got killed by Lancer, I kinda brushed it off as him not noticing since he’s been bombarded with the whole Holy Grail War thing, but I guess it was to keep it for this route! Not that Rin really lets Shirou question it too much anyway haha. I love how Shirou shook hands with Saber in hope that they’ll do their best together fighting in this war, it’s so proper and cute of him. Rin is so cuteee too, I loved how vehemently she denied it when Archer asked her if there was a “special” reason as to why she won’t take advantage of this opportunity to defeat Shirou now. I love that even though Rin knows how difficult it would be to face off against Berserker right now (especially with just Archer), she still told Shirou to run away if the opportunity arose. I really like how Shirou was able to convince Rin that he’s not going to run away by telling her that she shouldn’t tell him to do things that she can’t do herself, and she understood that and accepted him staying here even though it was dangerous. Although Rin is very kind, and I guess she just wants him to survive no matter what, but Shirou is right, if Saber is here, he can’t just run away. And technically, we should be glad he stayed, because if he didn’t grab Saber away from Berserker, she would have been hit by Archer’s “Noble Phantasm” arrow. Gotta love how Archer didn’t care about it hitting Saber as well, you can see why Shirou wouldn’t like him lol. As usual though, Shirou was really cool to cover Saber when the “arrow” (he legit used a sword as a projectile) hit and formed a freaking crater lol.

Rin is so sweet for staying beside Shirou the whole night waiting for him to wake up (since he got injured protecting Saber). Lmao when she told him to not thank his enemies or he won’t survive the war, and to not treat other Masters as human beings but just people he needs to kill, and he refutes her words by asking why she didn’t kill him hahahaha. It’s so cute seeing how flustered she became. She’s got such a soft spot for Shirou, she’s just going to keep on making excuses saying it’s “unfair” to kill him when he’s asleep etc haha. I love how they interact though, because even though Shirou seems like the type to be overly considerate of others, he actually actively questions things and points out contradictions in Rin’s words, making their banter really amusing and funny. I loved it when he asked if she was fat LOL, I mean, you have to admit, Shirou’s got guts! Trust usually takes a while to accumulate, but it’s so wonderful how Shirou can completely trust in Saber and think of her as his partner just because they made a contract and shook hands, he’s really so unbelievably cool. I also like how Saber and Shirou’s interaction went, since she was thankful that he saved her from a fatal wound, but she still needed to reprimand him for endangering himself like that. Now that I’m thinking about it though, it feels like the Fate route is focused on Shirou solidifying his belief and maybe Unlimited Blade Works is focused on Shirou questioning his beliefs? And then maybe Heaven’s Feel is when he disregards his beliefs for Sakura? Lmaoo at Taiga’s crazy “whatever” kinda instructions at the archery club when she’s hungry hahhaha.

I’m not surprised at how mad Rin is to see Shirou so careless at school and saying hi to her lmao, especially when she’s given him so many warnings. Lol when she kept chasing after him throughout the school trying to kill/immobilise him so she can take away his Command Spells. Although the situation was serious, it was rather endearing because of how they acted lol. Archer is right that Rin becomes childish when it comes to handling Shirou haha. As a side note, that bad ending where you get hit by her Gandr shot was actually good in a sense (like Taiga says in the Tiger Dojo lmao) because Shirou just goes back to his normal life without having to be involved in the war anymore. Anyway, I always found it really cool when Shirou didn’t hesitate to block the hit by Rider with his hand when she tried to kill Rin (who was tending to the unconscious girl that had her life forced sucked out). I always think it’s pretty crazy how Shirou could interest Rider enough that she doesn’t straight off kill him but kinda plays around with him for a bit, but I guess seeing any other Master aside from Shinji would make you realise how crappy Shinji is lolll. Considering how adamant Rin was on hurting Shirou before, it was really nice to see how concerned she was when he was about to be killed/tortured by Rider, but I guess she was only hurting him so she could protect him in the long run though haha.

I really like Archer’s contrast with Saber. He’s a Heroic Spirit that was called to the war not by his own free will, and has no desire for the Holy Grail, yet is forced to be used here as a tool for it. Sure, he has a certain amount of free will, but in the end, he is controlled by “others” into existing here and fighting for humans who will never be grateful for his actions of saving them from war or pain or anything. But honestly, it’s kinda crazy how Archer says a lot of things Shirou has said before, especially when he said he did not have a wish he could not make come true in his past life, this is exactly what Shirou said in the Fate route when they asked if he desired the Holy Grail. Shirou has always been someone who fulfills his wishes with his own powers and works towards those goals. That dream Shirou had on the 6th day of (spoiler!) Archer’s life was so saddening. The VN obviously doesn’t reveal it yet, but when you know it’s about Archer who sacrificed his afterlife to gain the power to save the people around him, yet be reprimanded by other people for only saving people in his sight, it really makes you understand how battered his heart became because of them. He never expected anything in return, he only did what he could to help others because he didn’t want people to suffer, but I don’t think he ever expected he could actually be treated negatively because of it. And I think those lines still cut me to this day, the fact that he saved everybody in his sight but could not save the most important person of all, which was himself. He did everything for others and lost himself to the point he realised how stupid it was to do all these things for others and neglect himself when no one even cared about what he did. By realising how futile it all was, he hated himself for being so stupid from the very beginning. You can really see why he hates Shirou so much, and you can also really see why Shirou instinctively hates Archer so much as well, because Archer is the epitome of what he refuses to become. But yeah, Shirou is definitely the one that gets to benefit the most from cooperating and allying with Rin lol.

I hate saying stuff like this but omg, if Shinji isn’t the biggest piece of shit ever, I don’t know who is. I can’t believe he’s literally telling everyone in school by spreading rumours about Mitsuzuri (Captain of the archery club) looking trashed up in an alley with her uniform all messed up when they found her (since she was missing for a day). It’s absolutely disgusting of him to spread such stories, it’s so distasteful and infuriating! Even if he doesn’t like her because she’s bossy to him or whatever, ugh, he’s seriously such trash. Hahaha I love how if you leave Taiga to do the cooking, Shirou and Saber end up eating disgusting food, and Saber busts out her armour to take it out on Shirou during training because he didn’t cook hahaha. It’s interesting to see Shirou try and get out of Caster’s magic that’s controlling him even if it wasn’t likely he’d be able to get out of it himself. I always thought it was pretty ridiculous how Caster can summon a Servant, but I guess considering how much of a top class magi she is, it’s not exactlyyy unrealistic, especially if the only criteria to be a Master is to be a magi capable of summoning lol. In addition, she has to be stronger than all the others since unlike Saber and them, she’s been accumulating a lot of life force/magical power from all those souls she’s taken and the other life forces she’s constantly consuming at a rate where she’s not killing all the people in town but she is taking a lot of people’s life forces. But yeah, as Archer said, she definitely broke the rules doing that. I guess it also makes it logical for Assassin to be a fictional hero; a “fake” Master with a “fake” hero is fitting… 

I’m kinda surprised Archer deliberately missed when he shot Caladbolg at her, I guess it’s because he just wanted to show her that he’s just as strong as Saber and them (since she looked down on him), but also wanted to keep her around so that she could take care of other Masters like Berserker for him since Rin is dilly dallying with Shirou around? I guess the thing about Archer is that he’s focused on the belief that nobody can be saved if you try to save everybody, it’s because he used to think naively like that that it backfired on him, so now he’s more into the idea that he might as well sacrifice the least amount of people for his goal, and in a sense, he is right that Rin or Shirou need to be the ones to win the Holy Grail because they’re the only Masters that won’t misuse it and cause destruction. I’m honestly surprised that Archer still pursued Shirou to kill him even when he was able to escape back to Saber. I guess Archer is very confident in his capabilities. As usual, Assassin is a very honourable guy, he wouldn’t let Archer attack them, especially if he already said he’s going to let Saber go for the night. But yeah, I can understand why Archer would want to kill him, I mean if Shirou is gonna throw away his life chasing after Caster like that (when he obviously can’t win), Archer might as well kill him instead.

Hahahah I absolutely love Rin and Shirou. Especially when she was wandering outside his class waiting for him to come out to talk to him (probably worried about him after what Archer did), and when he does, he asks if it’s because she forgot her lunch money, and then he emphasises that he can’t give her his lunch but he can lend her some money🤣🤣🤣 I loved it when she shouted at him calling him an idiot and the whole world froze for a second and went back to normal trying to ignore the fact that the number one girl and perfect student with proper manners in the school just did something like that hahahaha. They’re so adorably awkward, it’s so cute and funny. I can’t believe she actually used a Command Spell on Archer though (to forcibly stop him from attacking Shirou during their alliance)! Wow! It’s really cool how reliable Shirou was when the boundary field activated, I guess you can really count on him when it counts😆 To think Rider could be killed in one hit though, and it was subtle enough that even though Rin and Shirou were heading there, they didn’t notice it at all. I thought it was really sweet to see how much Rin lacked her usual composure facing all this, I think it’s pretty understandable considering how these are people in the same school and they’re either literally melting or half dead, you can say, it’s Shirou who’s weird for being able to face all of this logically. But it’s good that he was there to support her, since even if she is stronger than him magic wise, she needed him there to help her regain her senses. Lmaoo, I loved it when Shirou told Issei to take his shirt off to check for Command Spells hahaha. On another note though, that Tiger Dojo 18 was so sudden and scary!! It’s crazy to know that Caster probably has everyone in Ryuudou Temple under some sort of control where if someone asks them suspicious stuff, she’ll get them to kill the person asking and then themselves!! That’s absolutely terrible! Seeing Issei die in that bad end was traumatising because I really like him.

Playing the routes back to back, you can really see how Saber and Archer’s lives were rather similar, in that they both lived for others and were both betrayed by the ones they “saved”. But I guess the difference is that they both came to this war for entirely different reasons after experiencing that. They’re both entrapped by their past, and they both desire a different outcome because they’re inherently dissatisfied with the result of their decisions. I see…a heroic spirit is a guardian of humanity, and so even though Archer was satisfied when he died, it was after his death when he became a guardian that changed his perspective of things. As a guardian, all he did was be called upon to save the world when it was nearing destruction because only guardians can change that fate, but the fact was, the more he was called upon, the more he was faced with the ugliness of humanity that caused their own destruction yet always relied on people like him to clean up their messes for them. And I guess it was through all this that he slowly became cynical towards everything and his own ideal. I mean, what is his ideal worth when the people he’s supposed to be saving aren’t worth it to him anymore?

I find it soo cuteee how Saber enjoys eating Shirou’s food so much but is too shy to admit that she really likes to eat🤣 It was so funny when she tried to tell him in a subtle way that yes he should cook before they go out to fight Kuzuki lol. Omgg Tiger Dojo 19 is so terrible!! To think that Kuzuki would so ruthlessly strike Rin’s head off, like wow, I know he’s got the magic from Caster to enhance his power but, just wow. Lmaooo at the Tiger Dojo making fun of Rin’s head flying off though, it made such a seriously saddening ending hilarious hahahah. Honestly though, Saber really lets her guard down a lot imo even though she’s strong lol, but you have to admit that Kuzuki is impressive with his hand to hand combat skills. In a way, he’s probably similar to Kirei, a strong fighter that tries to find emotions in things but is unable to. Oh, and it was really silly of Caster to ask Kuzuki to take care of Shirou and Rin instead of Saber tbh, but I guess it’s Kuzuki’s fault as well, since if he cared more about winning, then he would have just defeated Saber and they all would have been done with the battle already and gotten rid of two Masters. But, I guess it’s mainly Caster’s fault since Kuzuki said he’ll let her do what she wants and he’ll just follow and see how it goes whilst protecting himself. But yeah, not sure if it’s Caster’s pride or just her lack of judgment (or both), but her thinking of using her magic to deal with Saber when she had already repelled it before with her magical resistance really shows how she cares more about her pride than winning in any way possible. But yeah, after losing that chance, it definitely wouldn’t be advisable to face a healed Saber who knows Kuzuki’s attack pattern now.

Gotta love how Rin just did whatever she wanted and stayed over at Shirou’s house hahaha. I was really happy that she did that though, because it gave her time to talk with Shirou on the porch and they could talk more about each other. I guess what I really love about Rin is how driven she is, and how the path of a magus was something set out for her from the very beginning and wasn’t really her choice, but she’s someone that has made it her choice rather than it being something that was forced on her. If she’s going to do it, she’ll be the best at it and she’ll do anything to achieve that whilst maintaining that “innocent” part of her that Shirou sees, I think. On the other hand, Archer’s talk with Shirou was something heavy, mainly because he understands how terrible it will become if Shirou continues as he is saving people on this “borrowed ideal” where he only wants to succeed the promise he made to Kiritsugu before he died, as well as carry the responsibility of all the people who died ten years ago instead of him. He saves other people for them but doesn’t think about himself. In a sense, I guess that kinda is the difference between him and Rin, Rin carries the burdens as a magus and as the descendant of an old magus family, but she doesn’t let those traditions control her, she still does what she wants whilst maintaining her role as a magus like her father wanted. Whereas Shirou is controlled by the burdens he carries, instead of doing what he wants to do, he tries to make it that things like being a superhero etc are things he wants to do, and he tries his best to think of ways to make it become what he wants to do so he does whatever he can, but it’s just like Rin says imo, just as he doesn’t have “fun” training with magic and doing other things in his life, he doesn’t really think of becoming a superhero as something he wants to do, but instead as a responsibility as a “survivor” and because he promised Kiritsugu. Archer is right, Shirou lacks a reason to fight, if he keeps fighting for these ideals, then the only thing he will save are these ideals, he won’t be able to save anyone, not even himself.

Overall, for now, I definitely enjoy UBW more than Fate just because I feel like the Rin and Shirou dynamic/relationship is much more fun and interesting than how it was with Shirou and Saber. In addition, I really like how Shirou and Saber interact in this route, they’re friendly but not overbearing on each other and it’s so nice to see that loll. They feel much more like partners when romance isn’t interfering with them lol. On the other hand, the foreshadowing for Archer feels much more blatant in the VN, or maybe it’s because I know that it makes it seem like it’s shoving it a lot in your face lol, otherwise though, I still very much enjoy the discovery and understanding of Archer’s past and how even though they “hate” each other, they can’t help but be affected by each other, especially with Shirou copying his fighting style and even his swords.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #245

“i fell asleep at the wheel again, crashed my car just to feel again.”

What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over the appropriate amount of eye contact I make. What color is your mp3? Hot pink. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeup. Is there a song or lyrics currently super-glued in your head? "Popular Monster" by Falling In Reverse FUCK What can you go a day without doing? Uhhh a lot? I dunno... oh, drink water because I suck at that gah. I've gotten a lot better than I used to be tho. What can’t you go a day without doing? Touching some form of technology. Who do you spend most of your time with? Myself. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? Treat others with kindness. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I definitely think so. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Lol I have some of my own... but let's say it was a clean slate again. I'd put some macabre/gothic art of some sort up, probably. Of COURSE with meerkats making an appearance. What fruit is too sweet to you? Hm, I'm blanking. What was the last contest you have ever won: Uhhhh... I think the giveaway of two Silent Hill: Revelation things? That was forever ago. What was the worst hair cut you have ever had in your entire life: Looking back, the haircut I had before this one (short on the left, faded into still rather long on the right) I don't really like anymore. Looks fine in some pictures, but not most. What was the worst thing you have ever worn in your life: Oh I don't know. Probably some dance costume. Do you like any sort of animes: Yeah, a handful. I'd honestly like to watch more. Have you ever used someone for your own benefits: I don't think so. What is the worst cartoon you have ever seen: Oh boy, idk. There's some dumb ones, a lot that I've only seen peeks of. Do you like to type or write more: TYPE. Writing physically can easily make my carpal tunnel act up. I hated having to hand-write a few essays last semester... I had to stop frequently to roll my wrists and cringe and stuff. What color would you have your skin if you could change it: I'd like pale skin like I have, but I wish it was more flawless/porcelain-ish. SOOOOOO pretty ahahhhhhhhhahhhhhh Do you usually cook your own meals, or does someone cook for you: I usually have to throw something together in the microwave because Mom's barely home, but when she is home, she cooks. If someone cooks for you, do you always thank them for it: YES. YES. NOT SAYING ANYTHING IS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL. What do you do during the day: Almost without question, SOMEthing on technology/usually computer. As for what I do on technology, boy, a lot a lot. I don't even feel like listing it all. When you are online what do you normally find yourself doing: ... Oh, lmao. Uhhh binging YouTube, writing on or just checking up on KM, dA browsing/cleaning my drowning inbox, Facebook, "working" at the SH and SotC wikis, playing games, roaming Tumblr, check my emails, uhhhhhhh,,,, What is the most hated item you own: I wouldn't... keep it if I hated it? Uhhhh yeah, I honestly don't know. What is your favorite item you own out of all the items you have: My iPod, really. I have over 1k songs on this old-ass nano that I've had since middle school. I guess my laptop is kinda tied, but idk. Like, I don't love this laptop itself, just that it allows me to go online at a decent speed lmao. I guess they're my favorites in different ways. So, do you think that you will get where you want in life currently: Not stopping pushing for it 'til I get it. Why is that so. May I ask: I'm "too" determined. It's been a struggle getting to even where I am, but FUCK, I'm getting there. Do you like Halloween: I can't fwu if you don't. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not to my recollection. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? Personally, I think a simple peck is fine IF that's your thing and it's mutually understood that it's platonic. Ex., I know greeting kisses are normal in some cultures, and I see no reason to shame it so long you're not like making out. Is it okay for girls to hit boys? Fuck no. Unless you're like fighting off an assailant/defending yourself, NO gender hits ANYONE. Do you know a lot of attractive boys personally? I've never thought about it? I'm not gonna dig through all the people I know rn... What happens if you realized you had a crush on somebody? More than anything, I'd be scared of being hurt again, particularly if it's a guy. So I definitely wouldn't make the first move. Do you think you are attractive? No. Which two of your friends would have the cutest baby together? I don't know. How do you feel about your naked body? DON'T COME AT ME WITH THIS QUESTION GO AWAY Have you ever been called obnoxious? No. At least, not to my memory. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No, but a more close-knit one. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. If somebody smacks your butt, you automatically say: I wouldn't say shit, I'd turn around and smack them across the face. How often does your family life conflict with your social life? Pretty much never. Have you ever been emotionally abused? No, thankfully. Do small children like you? They seem to, I guess. If karma is really true, should you be worried? Not very. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? None. Do you have anything hidden in your room? Yeah, some saved money. What do you wish you were doing right now instead of this? It'd be great to talk to Sara. If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? Oh I'm going to the fucking hospital for that epidural fren. If I even wanted kids. What was the last thing you ordered online? Uhhh good question. Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? Well, actually the entire time I was ON anti-depressants. Because I'm bipolar, anti-depressants actually ramp up the aggression of bipolarity symptoms. How, I don't recall the science of, but I trust every word that comes out of my psychiatrist's mouth for many reasons. That definitely happened. One also made me gain weight, and the worst instance was in middle school when I was briefly on one that made me SO fucking hyper and happy in the morning but I crashed into an absolute bitchy monster by mid-afternoon. Now a combination of mood stabilizers helps both my bipolarity and depression immensely and are the main reason I'm alive. Are you allergic to any plants? I mean, I'm allergic to pollen. Are you an outdoors person? If the weather is cool, I love it. Does your past bother you? Some parts of it. Do you take risks or play it safe? I tend to play it safe. What forms of art do you like the best? This is an absolutely impossible question. "Art" has such an incredible range of forms, and I enjoy like... all. I guess the one thing I don't particularly care for is abstract art. What forms of art do you want to try? HYPERREALISM IN DRAWING. I REALLY wanna be able to draw/paint/whatever and make it look so true to life, BUT I'd like to add fantasy aspects to what I'm making (for example, my characters). I'd love to do portraits, too. This isn't really a "type" of art, but one thing I desperately want in art is to actually develop my own recognizable style that isn't just a wobbly attempt at realism with shitty proportions. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn's dope. Has a medication ever made you itch? No. What’s your favorite rainy day activity? Cuddle with snacks and like binge a good TV show/YT videos, etc. BUT considering I'm single I'ma just take a nap if I'm actually tired and you can hear the rain on the window. Do you put creamer in your tea? I wonder how many times I'll tell surveys I hate tea lmao by the end of my life lmao. What do you think are some good names for twins? I don't care enough to think about this. What are three things that fascinate you? Animal behavior (particularly social), the paranormal, and genetics. Would you say you live more in the past, present, or future? Present, I think. Have you ever been a victim of a crime? Not me personally, no, but my family. We had our basketball hoop stolen from our front yard and I was mega tilted yo. Does injustice make you angry? More like it infuriates me. Do you have the bad habit of procrastinating? Very badly. Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? I both am and am not afraid of running into Jason. I have a very strong feeling I'd start having a PTSD episode (by that I mean hyperventilating, crying a bit, and shaking at the very least), but simultaneously I just want him to know I'm sorry. Do you have anyone you avoid? No. Do you have the same dreams now that you did as a kid? No. Who’s your crush? I don't really know if I have one right now. My old friend Ian and I started talking, and he's a fucking hilarious dude with similar ethics to mine with great compassion, but I still don't know him well enough to say I like-like him. I'm honestly just happy to have an irl friend again that actually talks to me regularly. Do you trust the government? I believe in WAY too many conspiracy theories to even try to convince anyone I trust the government lmao. Who do you want to meet in Heaven? I don't know exactly what sort of afterlife I believe in (it's not the traditional Heaven though), but I do believe that souls can reunite. The first thing I want to see again is Teddy. Does your school take sports too seriously? Considering we're well-respected in the sports field to the degree we draw in a huge number of foreign athletes, guess you could say yes lmao. Most of the people I even slightly know here came for sports. If there are bruises on your body, how did you get them? There aren’t. Would you ever go back in time to do something over again, but differently? Yes. Where did you kiss the last person you kissed? The airport. Have you thought about your wedding in detail? Not great detail, no. Do you think you could ever really kill someone? In self-defense, I know I could. Do you like Papa John’s pizza? I couldn't even guess the last time I had it. I don't remember. Do you attend school? Yeah. Do you call it a crush, or do you just say you like someone? The latter. Where were you when the ball dropped? In my bed asleep lmao. Where are your siblings? Probably all at work. Waffles, pancakes, or french toast? French toast. Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? Not really, but I WILL wonder to myself if you believe in some of the bullshit just about every religion has somewhere. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? YUP YUP YUP! Mainly irl tho. Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? No. Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? No. Been to one where everyone was high, though. Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? I'd hope the good guy. Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? Ha ha yeah. Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? Yes. Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? Yes, all but one. What do you hear right now? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Proud as fuck because this song was a MASSIVE PTSD trigger at first and even made me cry, but despite it still making me kinda uncomfortable, I can listen to and enjoy it now. If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? The only three people whose opinions would matter there would be Sara, Girt, and Jason. Sara and Jason would fucking break me, while I think Girt would of course make me cry, but I just. Wouldn't be surprised to lose another irl friend. I'd be so fucking hurt by any. OH YEAH, what would I say? I think Sara would have me speechless. I'd probably just choke out, "I don't blame you," to Jason. Girt, my first instinct pondering this was "are you serious?" because he's such a joker while my stomach dropped. What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her, but still feel kinda sad that it wasn't me. What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? If I like the person, I feel very comforted. It like... makes me feel small, safe, and permitted to just let my emotions loose, ex. be "allowed" to cry. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check my phone to see the time. Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? I don't want to answer this. Do the math. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? No. Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? Yeah. Would you date someone three years older than you? Yeah. Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Actually as of recently, the morning. It's a nice way to start the day clean and energized. Could you handle living with the last person you texted? I'd love to live with her. Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was assigned, but I loved it. Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? Not really? Well no, I think I'm being a less procrastinating student and also not fleeing so quickly from situations that invoke my anxiety. Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? SOBS Blockbuster come BACK we NEED u. What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? Eh, it was stupid and something that realistically isn't worth being annoyed by. I was SUPER bored and tired yesterday waiting for Mom to finish her field work while I waited in the library after classes, and I was so ready to go home, but she stayed longer than she thought she would. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? Actually, not really. He's way too motivated and drawn to people who push forward and get shit done, and just in general at least from how I "know" him as a fan I could only realistically see us as friends. But a fangirl can dream ok just let me dream. When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? I'll answer hypothetically if I watched TV: probably something I know I like. Might get adventurous every now and again and try something new, though, especially if it's on a channel I like. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I haven't had to. I juuuuust slightly have enough room where I DID have them grow in. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Uhhh probably the deli, which I got and lasted for two hours my first work day lmao. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. What do people tell you your voice sounds like? I dunno, kinda deep for a girl and lacking an accent most of the time. What financial class are you? Lower. What poster is hanging closest to you? A huge Nightmare Before Christmas one. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Maybe if Ian did? Idk. It'd be a nice way to get to know more about each other, but I'd only agree to it after we talked a bit longer. Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? Not "a ton." Things we'll eat again though, yes. Favorite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. I haven't watched it. Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? Hell yes. Pretty sure next is collarbones if I could just lose a little bit more weight so they're more visible. Do you love when people remember little things about you? YES OMG!!!!!!!!!! Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Yes, I just think it's common good manner. Even though the reasoning behind it is whatever, it's a societal thing that I just go along with. How many phones have you gone through? Idk, not too many. Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? No.

[headcanonsnquotes-kidicarus]

Viridi’s past

Summary: my headcanon/take on why Viridi is the way she is. Why she’s easy to hate/hard to love, why she hates humans, and why she looks like a kid. 

she was once known as Demeter, though status was the same

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long ago, the goddess Viridi once took a form supposedly befitting of her status of a goddess. she appeared in her early 20s, her dress looked like an upside-down flower, and many thought her beautiful. she took the name Demeter back then as well

her looks could’ve rivaled Palutena’s... if Palutena existed back then. At that time, there were very few gods. Demeter and her brothers, Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus were the more well known gods at the time.

back then, Demeter loved all life, including humanity. In fact, she loved humanity just as much they did to her. she played with them, provided guidance, and even disguised herself among them. Although Demeter treated them as if they were closer in status than what they really were, everyone knew that she was not an equal to humans. People knew that if they crossed her lines, she’d find out and could inflict divine wrath not just on the ones who acted, but even their close-ones.

unfortunately, one human was foolish. he believed that if he could get closer to her, he could gain her power and even take her place. one morning he caught the goddess’ eye while picking purple flowers from his own garden. 

“What lovely flowers you have, sir,” she exclaimed while approaching him.

“Good morning, your grace. thank you, though I don’t doubt they pale in comparison to flowers you can grow,” he said.

“Yes, but I am a goddess. It’s just in my nature,” she joked, making the man laugh. their conversation continued on until noon, when Demeter had to leave to attend to an offering ceremony towards her in another town. they bid farewell and the goddess was gone in a blink of an eye.

every morning, Demeter didn’t miss a chance to talk with the man. they enjoyed their small conversations. days passed weeks and weeks passed months, and their conversations had turned much more personal, closer and longer.

soon, the man gathered up the courage to execute the next part of his plan.

“Hey, Mistress Demeter?”

“Yes?”

“I... think I love you...” he said, mimicking embarrassment. it was rather convincing, complete with blush. Demeter was convinced, at least.

“I do too, i think.” she muttered, though the booming effect of her voice caused by her divinity didn’t stay as quiet or as subtle as originally intended. being as young(for a goddess, at least), she didn’t know what love was. she could only guess that this was what it was. surely he knew this kinda stuff. Her brothers always told her how humans fall in love so easily.

“I know it’s not much, but... Would you like to go out into the town with me for dinner or something?”

“It’d be a pleasure! next week will suffice, i hope. I must take my leave soon,” Demeter said, smiling at him.

“Yes, of course. See you soon,” the man said as she left in her usual flurry of leaves, seeming to erase her from sight.

not a moment passed before the man ran into town and announce his achievement to the citizens. some believed him, and some believed he was lying. but one thing was for sure, it was best to leave the goddess alone. her wrath could kill the whole town.

rumors still spread, of course. some believed Demeter was weak, some believed the man was practically a god already. but whatever the people whispered, there would be no doubt it would upset the goddess. That is why they discussed in whispers, and not at all when

the relationship only went on for about a month or so until Demeter had an idea. she wanted to see what humans were truly like from experience, and she knew they acted different when they knew she was around.

she devised a plan of disguising as a young girl. they’d never expect it to be her. she went to town the next day. for most of the day, she either spent time hanging out with children and eavesdropping. more eavesdropping by the time of evening.

she heard rumors:

“I wonder where Demeter is.” whispered one lady to another man.

“Hey, she’s still a goddess! don’t forget the honorific,” scolded the man.

“Oh please, she’s hardly a goddess. gods are supposed to be smart, if she was she wouldn’t be dating HIM,”

“I suppose you’re right. She does know he’s only using her for fame right? I’m a bit worried, but for whom, it could honestly be both-”

the rest of the conversation was not heard by Demeter. her thoughts cut it all off. was it true, what they said? she looked for the man she was dating and overherheard him bragging.

“-got her wrapped all around my finger. you  want anything from her? You know I could get anything i want from her!”

one part of a sentence was all that was needed to confirm the words of others. Demeter was very upset by this. 

she needed to confront him, not even caring about being strategic or what it would look like. all she knew was that he needed to face judgement.

a flurry of leaves surrounded her. everyone stopped to see what was going on. holding out her commanding finger, vines and roots were summoned and grabbed the man to take him to her.

“What, in the name of the gods is going on?!” he managed to scream as the plants snatched him up, right then and there, and took him to what seemed to be a little girl. but, y’know, she was surrounded by the starts of the roots and vines along with a tornado of leaves.

“W-who are you?!” he asked.

“I should ask you the same, for what makes you think that you are above gods such as me, you filthy piece of mortal filth.”

the man cowered as he heard her call herself a god. of course, only a god could do such magic.

“Please don’t tell Mistress Demeter! I’ll do anything you’ll ask, but please never tell her, your youthfulness!” this only made Demeter frown and scowl upon him even more.

“You fool. One should know gods can take many forms! Mistress Demeter is I! For your severe act of blasphemy, your whole village shall suffer and be forgotten! Even once your bodies have gone, your souls shall live a horrible afterlife! I hereby declare this whole village guilty of blasphemy! The price shall be a painful death until an insufferable afterlife!”

her power overflowed. every plant within the village overgrew with her pink energy. Everyone was impaled or suffocated by them. slowly, they died. 

This was how the first Reset Bomb Forest was created, excuse for the ‘Bomb’ part.

Demeter sat atop the spherical forest thinking about what to do next. she decided to drop her cheerful persona in front of others and developed a new one, one whose name went by Viridi. she didn’t want to be hurt again. tears dripped down from her eyes, hidden well by her hair. she stayed there for a day. 

“Demeter!” said the voice of her brothers, Hades and Zeus.

“Yeah, what is it?!” she snapped at them, the small trickle of tears disappearing. her brothers were taken aback. they were so much used to ‘their little rosebud’ to have a thornless personality, not even a very sharp wit. this was very different.

Zeus spoke first. “Demeter, what’s going on?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Do you want us to do anything about it?” asked Hades, in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

“Yes. Hades, in case you haven’t noticed, I have sent quite the population of souls to your Underworld.  Do not revive them! But don’t leave them alone; instead make them horribly miserable! They have committed crimes of blasphemy against me, the whole lot of them!”

“Understood, Demeter-”

“And don’t call me that anymore! I wish to be called ‘Viridi’ from now on, got it!?”

the two were very concerned for what happened. Eventually they adjusted to Viridi’s demands. Viridi became more familiar to say than Demeter, so much that that was the only name the new gods knew of her, and just assumed she was actually Gaia who wanted a better name. In fact, many assumed Demeter died, even her actual nieces and nephews. Hades eventually started taking joy from making the souls suffer, creating the soul eating monster. Viridi’s opinion on the humans changed. once super positive and proud, now it was anger and regret. Viridi created bombs to create similar human-destroying forest. soon she perfected the bombs and no longer had to use up her energy to create the forests, and soon the bombs as she created three depots.

[watsername]

01 througu 20 coward

-jackmanifold mpreg anon

Aight bet

1. Have you ever had sleep paralysis

Not that I remember

2. If you were to look behind you right now, what would you see

My headboard, I am sitting in bed

03. What’s the most disturbing dream you’ve ever had

I went to Belfast with my family a couple years ago and i hate boats,, so that night I had a dream about the boat capsizing almost titanic style

04. Do you believe the theory that dreams are parallel worlds we visit when we sleep?

I’d love for it to be,, I’ve had some weird ass dreams I’d love to have lived out in a parallel universe

05. Do you believe in ghosts, angels, demons etc?

See this is a question i fight with myself about all the time bc part of me wan to say no but the other half wants to say yes it’s a whole left brain vs right brain situation

06. What’s a cryptic from your country or state.

Loch Ness monster,, kelpies,,, selkies,, nuckelavee,, take ur pick

07. How do you want to be laid to rest.

U know how some people get creamated and put tree seeds in w their ashes so a tree grows where they’re buried?? That

08. Are you scared of the dark? Why/ why not.

No,, if there’s a demon there I’m ready to go my guy take me to hell

09. Have you named the demon under your bed?

Yeah actually his name is Michael Bublé

10. Have you ever had any paranormal experiences?

Yeah Michael Bublé likes to tap on things during the night,, usually start w my bed frame and makes it’s way across the wall until it’s directly above me,, in my old house you could hear people walking up the stairs

11. What scared you most as a kid? What scares you now?

My brother had this book about mythological beasts and I’ll never forget the picture of a women screaming as someone shows her her dogs collar covered in blood insinuating that whatever the monster was ate her dog,,,, that terrified me man,, my biggest fear now tho is probably spiders

12. Are you supersitious? Are there any that you take part in?

I don’t know if I’d call myself supersitious but I don’t like walking under ladders

13. Have you ever bought a haunted item? What experiences came along with it?

I’ve never bought anything but my mother is convinced that the spirit of my great gran is trapped in her ring,, turns out she’s a helpful ghost tho bc if you can’t find anything you say ‘ruby,, where is (object)’ and 5 mins later it’ll appear again

14. How do you want to die?

In whatever way the world wants me to,, I’m not gonna ask for anything other than painless

15. What was the scareiest moment of your life?

Nothing I think of feels valid because it’s either something a lot of women go through or something that I didn’t suffer any real consequence of while others lost lives n that

16. Do you believe in past lives? If so, who do you think you were?

I never want to say anything concrete about this bc I know I believe there is a next phase for your soul after death but whether that’s a new life or an afterlife I don’t know

17. Are you scared of being forgotten when you die?

I want to say that nobody should be forgotten in death,, but I dont fear the possibility of being forgotten,,, there isn’t much to remember about me

18. Have you had any recurring dreams? What about nightmares

When I moved house like 3 years ago or something I had a recurring dream about being back In my old house but it was empty,, no furniture, nobody else about,, and it was kinda dark and something just felt off. I don’t know if it qualifies as a dream or a nightmare bc it wasn’t scary it was just unsettling

19. Weirdest deja vu experience?

A couple months ago I visited the national monument of Scotland for the first time,, and it’s essentially built to remember the Greek Parthenon and it felt really familiar and I can’t explain why

20. Have you ever had a prophetic dream?

No my dreams are usually nonsense or I don’t remember them

[kitten1618x]

So Many Spoilers And Yet, Jonsa Is Still Endgame

Okay my loves. Everyone close your eyes and take a deep, calming breath. Better? No? Well then, let's continue ...

It seems that no matter where you turn, the internet has been brimming with GoT spoilers. Some seem plausible, some utterly ridiculous, others written like straight up fanfiction. Since then, my inbox has been flooded with nervous Jonsa shippers, and while I would love to answer each one of you individually, I'm only one person. That doesn't mean you should stop sending me asks -at the risk of repeating myself, I've just decided to compile all of my current thoughts here.

Here's your warning right now that this post contains SPOILERS. Whether or not they are factual spoilers, remains to be seen.

Something smells funny

The whole way this leaks situation has unfurled is quite ...odd. Supposed spoilers of the whole season have been available on Reddit for months now, and yet HBO was mum about the whole thing until just a few days ago. Now they are claiming to have been hacked (which I actually do believe), yet they only confirm that episode 4's script was hacked. I've seen it, and it seems plausible -yet it was only one scene (is the entire episode going to be just one scene??). Why they still haven't spoken about the rest of the alleged leaks seems silly to me -especially since so far they have lined up with the show we've seen -minus context, of course. It would be so simple (especially in light of the recent hack job) to just release a public statement -"yeah, we fucked up but we're stepping up security." WHY WON'T THEY ADDRESS THE LEAKS? We all know they know that they're out there. Just something for you to marinate on.

Boatbang

So I'm not going to mince words. I've already stated on several occasions that I'm 97% sure that boatbang is going to happen (although the percentage varies, I'm still pretty positive it's inevitable). I know it's disheartening for Jonsa shippers, because on some level we feel like Jon is being unfaithful to Sansa, but in reality he's not. Sansa is his half-sister. We know it to be otherwise, but the characters do not. Until that little nugget drops, prepare for this ship to go submarine mode -as in humming just under the water's surface (torpedoes armed and ready to sink the SS Targcest).  

Why Jon, why?

There are several things to consider here. Dany is an attractive woman, and Jon is not blind -she's also not his sister. Yes, yes, we know she's his aunt -but again, he doesn't. If he's injured and she saves his life (depending on what leaks you believe, I suppose -yes, several versions are floating around) -he may feel gratitude to her -or sympathy if she lost one of her "dragon children" saving his life. There's also the Targ connection which might be mistaken for something deeper than just familial, and that whole pesky incest gene working against him.

My personal opinion is it will be good old fashioned lust. So here's this lovely woman, with powerful Dragons who agrees to help him in his cause. They just got their asses kicked and are facing some pretty grim odds here -he very well may die, poor boys been fighting all his damn life, now he's getting squicky strange urgings for his own "sister", and he's only been laid once in his life! Hell, I'd fuck her too! Especially if I wouldn't be breaking my little "no bastards" vow, and the girl claimed to be barren from a witches curse.

One argument I keep hearing is that it would be so ooc for Jon to do this. Sure, I guess it would. Now take everything I just mentioned above and apply it here. Makes for a better argument, huh? I refuse to fault Jon for having a sexual tryst when he's essentially a free man and could very well just be starved for some simple human affection. If you would hold this against him, it's really just silly.

The bastard who's actually a Prince

Supposedly, the scene of Rhaegar and Lyanna's "legitimate" wedding is going to play immediately after the boatbang concludes -much like the reveal of Jon's true parentage immediately following the Jonsa ramparts scene. You remember, the one where Jon kisses Sansa's forehead for like 20 minutes and then glances down at her lips like he wants to suck her face off? Yeah, that scene that screamed !siblings! 

Now, I've seen people speculating (ahem, the other ship) this is meant to show the audience how J/D are star-crossed lovers, and they're meant to be (and if I shipped them, I'd try to convince myself this as well). But really, it's showing that Jon, the TRUE heir to the Iron Throne has just become his Auntie D's rival, not lover.

Come on, you all know some sort of Targbowl is on the horizon. Through all her loss and heartache, what has kept Dany going? Her claim to the IT. She was born to rule the 7k's ("and she will"). Do you think she'll let Jon and his little pecker stand in the way?

Drogo was her one true love. Remember Dany's visions when she was in the House of the Undying? Of the snowy IT in the destroyed throne room, that was just out of reach, and then of Drogo and Rhaego on the other side of the wall? It makes me feel like Dany will die on the other side of the wall, and that's when she'll be reunited with her family -in the meantime, they wait in purgatory. But, that's a meta for another day.

But I feel like this (below) -the words the witch spoke to her, has something to do with the Long Night and being reunited with Drogo again, in death (the afterlife).

"When the sun rises in the west, sets in the east, when the seas go dry. When the mountains blow in the wind like leaves".

The wall falling? The snow and ice from the mountain would blow in the wind like leaves .... But again, another day for that -back to the topic at hand.

Who's the REAL red herring?

On one hand, we have a very rushed "romance" between two virtual strangers. One of them is currently holding the other against their will ...gosh, this is soooo romantic!  If that was my ship, I'd be kinda pissed. Yeah, they're going to get a sex scene -let them have it. We have endgame.

On the other hand, we have a very slow burn romance simmering in the background. We have ALL the subtle beauty of season 6, and that belligerent sexual tension at the start of this season. If you're shipping them, it's obvious you've seen it too, so I really don't have to list it all -but my GOD, romance tropes GALORE! Slip in all the Ned/Cat parallels, and the exquisite beauty that was the crypt scene with LF ...I mean, come on guys? Do I really have to break this all down for you?

Need more examples? Okay, how about the Tyrion convo in the last episode? Totally appropriate for him to ask Jon about Sansa's wellbeing -so what do we make of the whole "sham and unconsummated" bit that was completely unnecessary if all they wanted to establish to the GA is that Sansa is clever. I sound like a broken record, but if anyone can explain to me how that furthers the narrative in any way, I'm all ears and my inbox is open.

To put it quite simply -it doesn't! But, you can try ....as I said, my inbox is open.

It was solely to remind us of the crypt scene, and Jon's odd behavior concerning Sansa. Just as her cloak on his shoulders -the cloak that he wasn't wearing when he arrived on Dragonstone (nor was he or Davos carrying it) miraculously appeared when he was brooding on the cliffs about what a fool he was. A cookie for anyone who guesses who he was thinking about -maybe the one who told him this was a trap? As he's trapped there now, since Dany took his boat.

And if we didn't already know that Jon will bring Sansa up with Theon next ep., I would have told you that she would come up -as she will when Jon meets the Hound as well. Why? Because the writers want to remind us not to forget about her. They want us to know that she's in the back of Jon's mind through all of this. I wouldn't be surprised if we hear her speak of him more as well. Of course, we never really know what's going on with Sansa, because the people who release the leaks are all closeted J/D shippers.

But let's remember that a red herring is something BLATANT. Ya know, like a rushed romance that's RIGHT IN YOUR FACE -not a submarine simmering under the waves.

Sansa is not Jon's second choice

I'm really tired of hearing this, tbh. If you can't see that these Ned/Cat parallels are meant to show that Sansa and Jon already have that established love and trust factor that Ned and Cat built, then you're willfully blind.

Could a political marriage be what initially puts them together -sure. But with all the clues you've been given from the writers, do you think that they don't already feel the stirrings of love for each other? I mean, it's awkward and odd, but it's there. Clearly, we've only really been shown this through Jon so far, but I'm willing to bet we'll start getting some clues from Sansa by early next season (or maybe even late this season). Remember Bran has not revealed Jon's parentage to anyone, yet. If they were just going to throw them together politically and loveless, then there would be no reason for them to waste precious time (as we're coming to the end and every little bit we see matters) laying the groundwork for a romantic subplot -they'd just do it.

It kind of blows my mind that the same people who say that Jon would never sleep with someone he didn't have some sort of feelings for, thinks he'd enter into a loveless marriage -to sleep with someone he doesn't have feelings for? They'll need heirs after all. You see what I just did there?  ;)

Come on guys, this is Jon

How do you think he's going to react when he finds out he slipped one in his aunt? Probably about as shitty and ashamed as he feels right now, harboring unnatural feelings for his "sister". He's not going to be like -ahh fuck it, I'm half Targ. No biggie! This is Jon-motherfucking-Snow!! He may not be Ned's son, but Stark blood runs through his veins, and he is indeed, a Stark.

Jonsa is endgame. We all know what we saw. There's millions of words worth of metas floating all around Tumblr about it. Casual viewers have seen it. People who don't ship it, have seen it. My husband (who hates it), has seen it. Reviewers have seen it.

It's intentionally subtle, but it's there.

REMEMBER THAT LEAKS LACK ACTUAL CONTEXT!!!

I think I've covered everything, but EVERYONE, please reblog and add your own supporting evidence.

RELAX. Take that collective chill I keep talking about, and find your zen. Enjoy the show. Remember why you started watching it in the first place -it wasn't for Jonsa. Find the silver lining and enjoy Kit's naked bits (because ffs I intend to)!!

Oh, and if I haven't made myself perfectly clear ...Jonsa is endgame, it is known, spread the word. ❤️

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 13 | “STIMULUS CHECK? NO BITCH HERE'S A REALITY CHECK” - Adam

so. its over and im out of the game. i waited a couple hours to write this because i knew i would hurt some feelings if i didnt and if we learnt anything from today its that jake's feelings get hurt real easy and we wouldn't want that would we. i think the reason i have struggled (and likely still will) to get closure is because i don't think this makes sense for jake? i've had some frustrations and some suspicions with jake over the past two rounds but i had no intentions of cutting him any time soon. i am a shield he so desperately needed what is wrong with him. like even if i wanted to cut him how on earth would i have got it done? with what numbers. to use a quote from autumn in the game we played together before but adapted for this instance, "today we learned unless jake feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you’re not doing enough". now to the fun stuff. i want to just tribute to adam and autumn. adam is someone i was SO sus of at the start but he is a gem. his personality is so vibrant he is a true gem. autumn hill is who i wanna dedicate this to and focus this on. autumn is one of my best allies ever and one of my favourite ORG people ever... what a complete. legend. such a role model to me in my real life, she has taught me to be confident, to back myself and to not take any shit and for that I'm so grateful. i literally am so honoured to call her my friend and i cant wait to meet her in person when she moves to the UK WOOOO. anyway i've also moved on from being 100% self negative. i fought so hard this season i played so so so hard and i fought my way to F8 despite being a threat since F21. i did the damn thing and im proud, and even tho it sucks that all my fighting was cut short by my closest ally i tried my very best and that's all i can do. thank you to the hosts for bringing me back, its been a... journey hehe

I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either. 

Well that vote blows... I really thought I had someone that I could navigate this end game with and then it got completely taken away from me. Now, I know I have to do what’s best for my game. And there’s two scenarios I see being possible: 1. Staying with my alliance and voting out Autumn/Adam and then risking that the three Beauties will actually cut someone in that group. 2. I flippy flippy and vote with Autumn (oh dear, I’m actually considering this?) and get Amir out to set myself up with Kendal and Augusto to get to the F3. Amir just told me he has the Beauty idol, so this may be my only shot to get him out of this game. I really need to consider both of these options, because I think this is the round that makes or breaks my entire game.

Having a mental breakdown over the fact that I’m probably gonna lose jakeys friendship And even tho our friendship was 100% real and I love him so much he’s gonna think it was all fake

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0d8a51f03cf584de6183ffd755b60d02/tumblr_nsvsd4arRn1rrcjuxo1_r1_400.gifv

Not a single person in this game has ever wanted to go to the end with me except for kendall Jakeys trying to take her out right now and i want to keep jakey in the game so bad but 4 people want him out so bad and the only way to save him is with my idol and i want to keep my idol and i want to keep a relationship with kendall but augusto will know that its my idol that saved jakey so my entire game will be blown the fuck up so i have to just let him go strategically, Since jakey is leaving, i wanna try and make sure adam is next because hes the strongest competitor that will be left and if i make it to five and four i need to win comps. Okay I need to actually strategize lmao so after this vote if it goes as expected I believe autumn has the idol, just based on how she was behaving Her and adam and me are afraid of tj kendall Augusto final 3, however, if that does become a final 3, I can force it out of kendall, so as long as Adam and autumn do not win immunity, we can split the vote on them, or just 3 beauties vote together strong. I’m also using autumn and Adams target on tj to make tj want them out even more, so next round, autumn and adam vs tj is a thing, and the 3 beauties can be safe as long as it doesn’t tie, and if worst comes to worst, I still have my idol, which can get me in the final 5 but I really really want to save my idol for final 5 

JAKEY GETS VOTED OUT

So here’s my dilemma for the round: I basically started the Adam name with Amir. I would prefer to go with that because I don’t know if I can beat Adam at the end. The problem with this though is that I don’t want to lose Jakey if he’s so for getting rid of Kendall. So where is the middle ground here?

So I think tonight is going to be my night. I have a lot of power right now in this game oddly enough. Are people potentially going for me, yeah, but I'm going to be safe which means I probably have enough room to screw up whoever's plan I would like to. Amir wants to do a 2-2-2 split, which I can easily screw up if I get Adam and Autumn on my side (which I see possibly happening). I can more than likely convince Autumn she doesn't need to play an idol if she's the vote (maybe on that one). And I know Adam wants to make a move with me saying Augusto is trying to get the vote on me or Autumn, which shows my concern that the three Beauties are at least locked to final four (I don't think they'd all take one another, but I don't think they'll turn on one another just yet). So now, here's where I may be able to take a stand and put myself in a spot where I may have some control. I need that one move that is at the top of my resume... can this be the one? Question is: what the hell is that move?

I was really confident last night we had a good plan set up but today I dont know why in my gut i feel like im about to be voted out, i dont want to be a pessimist but im just making this so i dont feel like a *complete* fool so um yeah...... we're about to go to tribal in a matter of minutes, autumn isnt playing the idol so im gonna feel real dumb if i gave it to her and she screws me over, but i did my work, and at this point all i can do is sit and keep my fingers crossed things go my way, but trust and believe even if im voted out yall will see ONE final confessional from me dragging them left and right. 

Okay back to this game, so basically, I do not trust anyone at this current moment not a single person except maybe kendall, this is the most wild vote I have ever ! I think I’m getting bamboozled literally, OKAY OKAY OKAY so Augusto tells adam that he wants to do autumn, Adam tells me and autumn that, we talk to autumn, autumn gets tj on board. From my perception, autumn and adam should be believe that us 4 are voting Augusto and leaving kendall out of it. But then tj and I already told Augusto that plan, and the real plan is to 2-2-2 them, Incase one of them plays an idol. But I have so much fear from the things that tj has been telling Augusto about his fear of my idol and me being at final 5 and 4, and also telling me he’s scared Theres no cracks in the beauty alliance, so he might actually agree to that plan with us and then 3-2-1 me by telling them everything because he literally could do that And then whoever wins immunity is going to change everything even more, because of one of them wins, the other can play the idol on themselves which is a whole ass mess in itself, and right now, it just comes down to if I trust tj and Augusto . R they telling me the truth or are they lying ? Like I’m dkdjdjnd kdndkdnd Anyway, I probs am playing my idol today cuz I don’t wanna look like booboo the fool but also we love risks, so I might just not play my idol, idk idk it depends who wins immunity and it depends on the vibe I get from tj moving foreward 

So I haven't really been making confessionals... In my defense I have been busy but that doesn't mean I haven't been active... So I have a final 2 deal with everyone in the cast sans Autumn. I have a deal with TJ, I have a deal with Augusto and I have a deal with Amir. And as much as it sucks I am going to stick to Augusto and Amir. Sorry TJ you are a good bean but I don't want to lose to you. 

Should I blame the whole plan on tj http://prntscr.com/ss4sie

i didnt make a confessional before the live since i wasnt sure what the HELL was gonna happen so hello coming to you LIVE from the afterlife because yall didnt THINK you could fly me off this island without one last adam rant for the season did you? for the first time in all 3 times ive played actually....feeling some type of way over being voted out, maybe it's just because of quarantine and having literally nothing better to do, but i took this game seriously and i tried my damndest. I think my fatal mistake was trying too hard (or maybe not enough?) today with certain people, i was trying to play them all and my biggest fear of them either comparing notes and catching on, or they just didnt want to hear me out, ALSO THE TWIST PLEASEEEEEE im kinda glad if i went out it was kinda just....in that big bang of a mess, i mean, a legacy advantage and an idol being played AND wasted? ugh i really had the gals and gays shook and bothered!! because at least now i can blame that to feel slightly better about myself, because trust and believe if i had even just TEN MINUTES to strategize i think i couldve convinced autumn to use our idol on me because i had a feeling in my gut it was coming especially with how silent it was, i also regret not CAUSING A DAMN SCENE. I HAD 10 MINUTES TO SAVE MYSELF AND I REALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE I WAS IN THE CLEAR AND NOW IM CLEAR-LY OUT THE GAME. foolish man. (foolish man being ME). but whatever. at least i got to clear my name from THOSE DAMN BEAUTYS, I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA BE MY UNDOING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE DAY 7. im not entirely bitter at anyone for lying to me since i was lying just as much, but ultimately i feel like for the entire season i did the best with what i had. I could be a complete fool but even now that im out of the game i STILL stand by what i said with how i feel like i played with my back against the wall for most of the game and i felt like it was truly SO hard getting people to want to work with me especially early on and FOR WHAT REASON? but whatever, it made the game interesting to me at least because i felt like they wrote me off, so i wrote my own ending. and clearly it wasnt the ending i wanted, but im surprisingly at peace with it in a weird way even just as im typing it out, i feel like for the first time in my tumblr survivor career i didnt just sit back and do nothing, i got to get my hands a little dirty, be apart of some good plays, and according to ali i actually did have some sort of a shot at winning r i p, im a really competitive person (the downside of being an aries) so the fact that i even got to play the game and enjoy making moves, i know i tried my best and that's what matters in the end!!! Also not to toot my own horn but im VERY happy i can at least say im happy with my  finishes being 3rd, 5th, 6th.. not bad for a girl with no talent! not me realizing with me getting 6th place and all these idols/advantages coming out i almost had a cirie game changers moment... ugh even more iconic. anywho AUTUMN IS THE ONLY ONE I WANT TO WIN SO SHE BETTER DO THE DAMN THING. 

hey you guys, it's me adam coming to you from post tribal where i was just voted ou- what? huh?? they didnt vote me OUT??? gorl what in the 2020 is going on here because i was shocked, i mean im THRILLED, the devil works hard but i work harder (autumn too ofc she probably did more than me actually DKJSA) - BUT im a little in awe because guess what this is the FIRST time i really just had to trust the people i have been talking with and they didnt screw me over, yet at least, i know jake was just a universal threat especially after the little stunt he pulled... so now my thoughts on that, ill tell you i was ready to go into tribal and for him to try and verbally murder me on his way out, so im glad he didnt do that but im always ready to fight so i wouldve loved the drama. kinda sad we didnt get it SDJKAF but all in all, i was all for working with jake to take down that other side, but if youre gonna burn me you better prepare for the inferno im gonna fire back, and sure the others couldve just wanted jake gone for their own plans, but i think me and autumn absolutely did THAT and thats that on that. I knew TJ was going to vote for me thanks to Kendall because me and her have truly bonded over wanting to get jake out this round for throwing both of our games into chaos, and guess what, while me and kendall may not have been talking as much before, im about to get REAL buddy buddy with her she's suddenly my bestie boo because now that we're at 6? game on. I want kendall in the end with me and i need to keep convincing her that she needs me with her and ill vote with her, and i think she's interested in it unless she's playing me because she did give me that TJ tea, which love tj as a person im actually not mad, he will just need to be voted off next still if i have anything to do with it OOP. He doesn't really fit into any of my plans, plus he's officially the only person to vote for me now except for either liam or the prejury? probably the pre jury, so now i know i probably cant trust him, but getting amir out next could also be the move, it all really depends on immunity, im gonna keep up on my appearences, get my princess diana wave on and be bestie boos with as many people as i can because my strategy at this point is to just make sure everyone believes they need me around, im not a THREAT im here to HELP you, but ultimately im only looking out for my best interest like hello its the game, and autumns too for now because she still has that idol that we can play to benefit both of us, so who the hell knows what's gonna happen live tomorrow but bring it on because im ready for a battle 

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!