#i think america is like a cult when you look at the big picture

[bioswear]

Actually I think we as America could potentially Benefit by more white people digging into their white culture (barring people like nazis bc that’s the bad side of history and you should not be taking up Nazi history as your identity and yet😬 but I digress), but like if your family is Finnish or German or French, I think we should let the white insta-girlies connect to it more.

At least it would give them a more interesting facet to their personality beyond iced mochas, Pilates, and social media.

[beardedmrbean]

[Huey Zoomer Anon]

What is it with white libs after the election and learning about a huge chunk of minorities voted for trump?

Kamala campaign fail, she talked to ACTIVE SOLDIERS IN THE FIELD like 5 years olds

And have worse vocabulary than me, wait I’m in the autism spectrum, what her’s excuse?

Than like trying to bring in the Obamas, actually I think perhaps gen x and millennials Africans Americans can explain it better

When I saw Chicago DNC clips…idk, to me it was like looking at a cult you were in. They were scared, the blacks are brainwashed to believe that Trump was going to give the KKK F22s. I mean I roll my eyes at my community

But fuck we are brainwashed to the plantation

Also the Obama thing…actually let think about when he came out

Remember it took 99 years after the 13 amendment for the civil rights act to happen. So for most blacks, a black president was a fantasy, where many blacks were told by their own teachers. There will never be a black president

Than 44 years after the civil rights act, a BLACK candidate who will when and be the first BLACK president with the first BLACK First Family in the White House?

AAAAAH DOPAMINE RUSH 9000!

I notice this with my late great grandmother who died a few years ago who had a picture of the Obama family…I mean…it was people like us in the White House not as slaves or servants, but as leaders of the free world

Than….the disillusion for many blacks began…the evil shit that happened under the Obama administration was known more. The fast and furious scandal…how shitty the economy was under him

Oh and Michelle Obama lunch programs, hmmm what slur I can use for her after the garbage I ate in school?

Than them reappearing out of nowhere for Kamala, where you two been? Wait wait Mr Obama chastising black men for openly showing more support for trump?

And he said something about how would Muslim Americans would live under trump…bitch you are called the Obomber, and if I remember correctly called the Butcher of places like Pakistan, Congo, etc?

Just because the wokies and media you aren’t part of the American military industrial complex, doesn’t mean the victims love ones haven’t forgotten

Obama came in just the right time for the asskissing (especially with the mess black America was in during the 80’s-90’s) he was seen as a beacon of hope, only to be a wolf in sheep clothing

Also after I research that 2024 celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act being passed…I…I can’t help just look how we are basically on a fucking different planet to what my elders had to go through at my age in America

Just shit man…sorry…just…so many elders in their 80’s-70’s was alive when it was passed to drink from the same fountain or get books from the library as their white counterparts

It kinda why I’m semi easy on elders(though I look up what theirs did to them) than many

But sometimes I want to go to progressives and say “Bitch back in the 50’s males my age couldn’t PISS in the same bathroom as whites!” So they probably struggle with that 180…than 360 society did

Also white liberals…Americans minorities been through superhells that wasn’t documented. A 2 term of trump will be okay

What is it with white libs after the election and learning about a huge chunk of minorities voted for trump? Kamala campaign fail, she talked to ACTIVE SOLDIERS IN THE FIELD like 5 years olds And have worse vocabulary than me, wait I’m in the autism spectrum, what her’s excuse?

Best guess is she thinks everyone else is too stupid to understand big words.

Than like trying to bring in the Obamas, actually I think perhaps gen x and millennials Africans Americans can explain it better

They were rock stars for some reason, ya for breaking barriers and all but let's actually look at accomplishments and all instead of riding into history on the back of 'first black president'

Identity politcs keeps on going the way it has been it's going to be a while till we get the next one because even on the left 'vote for me because I'm (insert identity here) isn't going to fly with the majority of people.

When I saw Chicago DNC clips…idk, to me it was like looking at a cult you were in. They were scared, the blacks are brainwashed to believe that Trump was going to give the KKK F22s. I mean I roll my eyes at my community

I have to wonder how many votes switched to the other side when they brought out the gender neutral prayer room. They did manage to dial up the fear mongering though.

Wonder how it would go if instead of scaring people with project 2025 bs they instead pointed out all the ways that the president lacks the authority to do the things in it.

You know like how when nancy said the president doesn't have the authority to forgive student debt and then went ahead and let him waste our money trying to do it anyway instead of pushing it through congress and getting that relief to the people stuck underneath that debt.

I notice this with my late great grandmother who died a few years ago who had a picture of the Obama family…I mean…it was people like us in the White House not as slaves or servants, but as leaders of the free world

I do imagine that hits way different,

Oh and Michelle Obama lunch programs, hmmm what slur I can use for her after the garbage I ate in school?

They're trying to rehabilitate the image of those, was looking for some articles about it a few months ago and the old ones I used to have bookmarked are gone and most of what comes up now is glowing praise.

Than them reappearing out of nowhere for Kamala, where you two been? Wait wait Mr Obama chastising black men for openly showing more support for trump?

I liked how he tried to imply they were sexist for not voting for her the same way people implied that folks were racist for not voting for him, in some cases it might have been true, but that's the overwhelming minority of them I'd wager.

And he said something about how would Muslim Americans would live under trump…bitch you are called the Obomber, and if I remember correctly called the Butcher of places like Pakistan, Congo, etc?

They rolled the dice on who would be more likely to get a quick end to the gaza war that hamass started, likely because they also know that the bs barry and the other fearmongers brought up isn't something that's within his authority.

Also after I research that 2024 celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act being passed…I…I can’t help just look how we are basically on a fucking different planet to what my elders had to go through at my age in America Just shit man…sorry…just…so many elders in their 80’s-70’s was alive when it was passed to drink from the same fountain or get books from the library as their white counterparts

It's a shameful part of our history and a stain that will never be wiped clean, but from a global historical context we're moving at light speed when it comes to getting better, regardless of what some people might want to say.

It kinda why I’m semi easy on elders(though I look up what theirs did to them) than many But sometimes I want to go to progressives and say “Bitch back in the 50’s males my age couldn’t PISS in the same bathroom as whites!” So they probably struggle with that 180…than 360 society did

The 360 that was done in places that have openly called for a return to segregation and such has to have caused a few cases of whiplash in that community.

Create unlimited green energy by hooking up the bodies of deceased civil rights activists to generators so we can harness the power created by them spinning in their graves.

Also white liberals…Americans minorities been through superhells that wasn’t documented. A 2 term of trump will be okay

I wonder how many are fully aware of that but are just doing this to be performative about their opposition.

[astropithecus]

The influence of the big cults is why Americans don't learn how to recognize a cult. By "influence," I don't necessarily mean "Scientologists and Christians control what's on TV and the internet," although they're both groups that can and do use the intimidation and legal threats to silence people that speak truth to them. What I more mean is that there are a lot of Americans that, when confronted with "signs of a cult" like this, go "that's ridiculous, there's nothing wrong with any of that, it sounds just like my [church/denomination/political party] - this must be a list made up by [liberals/godless heathens/depraved socialists] specifically to smear my religious or political identity!"

When you're in a cult, because of that insider/outsider mentality, anything that speaks negatively of your cult is automatically "propaganda from them," whoever your cult's them is - communists, sinners, aliens, whatever. They rationalize away the red flags - "Donald Trump didn't actually financially exploit me when he asked me for a donation to a legal fund that never existed, that's all lies by the liberal media," or ".. it's not really asking permission when the pastor requires everyone to attend a faith-based marriage course before he'll perform their wedding..," or "answering people's doubts with admonitions to 'have faith' isn't a thought-stopping technique to prevent critical thinking, it's encouraging the believers." Cults are very good at giving you ways to explain away why it looks like a cult to those poor outsiders that don't really understand the "great spiritual mystery" or the "wisdom of god" or the "secrets of the ancients" or the "truth about what happens behind closed doors" the way you do, you specially-anointed fully-ascended born-again high-energy clean-vibration true patriot, you.

That kind of indoctrination combined with a little bit of "I have a picture in my head of what a person in a cult is like and I don't feel like I'm that person" is enough for people in cults to completely reject even the suggestion that they're being manipulated through exactly the same tactics Marshall Applewhite or Vernon Wayne Howell or David Miscavige or Brian Houston used, even when it's spelled out for them. Besides, it's scary to leave a cult - those phobias of leaving the group - you'll go to hell, you'll miss the spaceship, the gay socialists will destroy America, whatever.

It's not impossible, though. If you or someone you love has gotten involved with a cult, there are resources available to help. There is a way out and you can do it.

America has a weird relationship with cults where they’re terrified of small cults (or organizations they think are cults) but completely normalized massive cults that hurt many more people (eg: LDS Church, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Amish, Scientology, most Megachurches)

[justarandomsapphic]

My Story of Being in a Cult

(TW for religious trauma and emotional abuse, also I need to preface this by saying that my parents did not encourage the church’s abuse- they did what they could and now my whole family is out of it. My parents are wonderful, loving people and they have supported me through recovery)

When I was little, I was always asking questions. I always wanted to know why things worked certain ways, why this did that, why are some things slimy and others rough, “Why does that bird on the road look so limp and squishy?” I’d wonder as my parents would rush to pull me away from the dead bird before I could poke it. I’m not just saying that as a funny joke to start this essay, that happened many times with many dead animals. There’s a picture of me when I was little, holding a fish head with the most overjoyed face. Besides dead things, I also loved learning about live organisms. I’d watch all sorts of nature documentaries. There was this one about the colossal squid. “Aren’t giant squids and colossal squids the same thing?” My friends would ask, confused. “No!” I’d exclaim, “Colossal squid have hooks on their tentacles, giant squid have razor sharp teeth on theirs. Plus, colossal squid are a lot heavier and bigger.” Then I’d proceed to rant about the wonders of the colossal squid and how fascinating it was to me whilst sitting on the grass on the school field in the sweltering heat. Yeah, I was that kid. Don’t even get me started on my cryptid phase. That was an obsession that holds on to this day, like those wristbands they make you wear at the boardwalk. I also loved dinosaurs and other odd prehistoric creatures, like Titanoboa, the largest snake in existence. I could probably write a whole essay on those guys. It’s clear to see that even when I was very small, researching and discovering new things was a big part of my life and culture. However, my life is a puzzle, and it isn’t a simple 500 piece one. The thousands of other hidden bits are about to come into the picture.

To start, my fascination with all things science was limited. It was only of the things that I was permitted to know. You see, I was kinda in a cult. Now, I’m sure many of your minds went straight to Jonestown or Heaven’s Gate. Don’t worry, we didn’t move to South America or talk about UFOs coming to save us from this mortal realm. I think when people think of cults, they think of the worst of the worst, the most extreme cases. Believe me when I tell you, most of the cults that exist in the world would appear normal to an outsider. Even the worst ones seemed innocent at first to the world. I still hesitate to call my old elementary school/church (it was a school on the weekdays and a church on Sundays) a cult. However, after running it through the B.I.T.E. model, I couldn’t ignore that my past community was at the very least, a bit culty. The B.I.T.E. model is designed to determine whether or not something is a cult. B is for behavior control, I is for information control, T is for thought control, and E is for emotion control. My school passed this test with flying colours. I remember how my curiosity somewhat halted in elementary school. I found many things fascinating and I’d investigate them, but my school had poisoned my mind with negative thoughts about evolution and other aspects of science. “It’s just not Christian,” they’d say. “Why would anyone even think that we came from apes!” Being a young, impressionable child, I agreed. I wouldn’t want to be on the bad side of God, right? If I’d even think for a second that God might not exist, I’d feel incredible shame. My parents always encouraged my curious nature, and would listen to my rants about science. My school wasn’t as welcoming though. I remember our science books had Bible verses on every well worn out page. Curiosity and asking questions was looked down upon. Which, as you’ve no doubt discovered, is something I love to do. I thrive on it. The constant emotional pain that questions would cause me just wasn’t worth it though. So, like a plant with no water or sun, I withered.

I remember hearing at Monday chapel (every Monday we’d gather in the church and have the principal do a sermon) one of my teachers talking about teens who stray from God. They said it would start with just wondering if God was real, but it would slowly turn into full on disbelief. As we rose out of the chairs to go back to our classrooms, my little brain was spiraling out of control. What if I turned into one of those kids? What would happen to me if I did? I would think about all that quite a bit. However, my mind would also wander to my friends outside the community. They were wonderful people. I remembered a teacher telling me that “You can’t be friends with someone who’s not Christian. You just will never be able to get along.” When I protested, and brought up friends of mine who didn’t believe in God, she said, “Well, you could try to convert them. Otherwise they’re gonna go to hell, and you don’t want them to go to hell, right?” I was in third grade and I already had the burden of saving people’s souls weighing me down, pushing me into place so I could be more obedient to the church’s rules. Teachers gaslit me, asking if that really happened, you’re just overreacting, stop being so sensitive. I would be shamed for moving around too much, so I stopped. By 4th grade I was at rock bottom, a manipulated shell doing what the church wanted of me. My parents tried to take me to a different school, but each time I’d cry and beg them not to. This community was all I’d known. In my mind, staying was safer. However, this was a K-5th school, after 5th grade, I’d go to a different school. Most of my friends were going to a very strict private school in my area. My parents did not want to take me there, and decided that public school would be a better choice. I was okay with that. I knew a girl who would be at this middle school, so I wouldn’t be alone. My classmates, on the other hand, were horrified. The sheer thought of going to ‘one of those schools’ seemed abhorrent to them. I remember a girl asking me if I was going so I could spread God’s word. “I’ve heard that they put you in detention for praying!” Another classmate whispered to me. Obviously, my new school was nothing like those rumours. I absolutely loved it there. However, I was not aware that what happened at my elementary school was not normal, and I would discover that the hard way. 

I’ll start with the smaller things. I remember sitting at our table underneath a huge tree, asking my friends what their favourite thing on the playground was when they were little. “Oh I usually just read,” one of my friends stated. “Oh nice, at my school we weren’t allowed to read during recess,” I brought up, casually. Immediately heads turned towards me and a chorus of “WHAT” echoed throughout our group. I was confused, why was that weird? These differences got bigger and bigger as time went on. I think the most significant one was when our teacher talked about national coming out day. It was in my Leadership class and my teacher was talking about the discrimination LGBTQ+ people face on a daily basis. I was appalled. At my old school, gay was a bad word and now our teacher was talking about this stuff so openly. One thing he said however, started to erode my homophobia. “If someone could control being gay, why would they? If you could choose, you wouldn’t be something that puts you at such a risk of being discriminated against or even killed.” After that I started to do some self evaluation, and I eventually started to support the LGBTQ+ community. Little did I know that in 8th grade, I would realise that I was gay. As you can see, middle school was full of unlearning behavior that had been drilled into me from a young age. However, this was just the beginning.

 7th and 8th grade were when realisations started to kick in. I started to understand how horrible my childhood was. I had repressed it because as a little kid, you don’t know how to process mental abuse, you just take it and push it in the back of your mind. You mature faster, you repress the behaviors your abusers don’t like, and you learn that pleasing people is the only way to get out of conflict. In the end, you do anything but acknowledge the pain. This epiphany had me finally letting myself question religion, and soon, I stopped believing in God. Before then, I had always felt ashamed for doubting Christianity, afraid that I was upsetting God. Every time I’d feel this churning nervousness in my stomach, this pain in my chest, as if my body was doing everything I could to save myself from damnation. So, I’d push the questions in my head away. But after actually looking at what my mind was telling me instead of pushing it to the back of my head like a sweater that you keep on trying to stuff into your drawer, I started to wonder what I was so scared of. Believing in humanity rather than a God was so freeing. After leaving Christianity, I started to get back into science. That year, we had our evolution unit and I loved every moment of it. The little kid who ranted about colossal squids crawled out of the corner of my mind that I had pushed her back into for so long. Even heavy shame could not make my curious mind disappear. I felt like I had finally made it through the worst parts, and I was moving on.

However, there are lingering effects, such as self blame for what happened. So I try to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, it was the adults who should have known better that were at fault. They took away a huge chunk of my childhood that I can’t really get back. I don’t do carefree things, I don’t do stuff on impulse. I wish I did. I really wish I did. It may sound nice to have a more mature state of mind when it comes to certain things, but I’m supposed to be a normal teenager. I’m supposed to make dumb mistakes. I want that so much. However, it’s not all gone, a part of my younger self still lives in me. She’s the one that flinches if you raise your voice, that immediately will try to please you to calm down, the one that freezes up. But she’s also the one that giggles, the one that asks a million questions at once, the one that hugs you so tight you can barely breathe. She’s still here, holding the good and bad things, so holding harsh feelings towards myself for not doing anything only hurts me more, and honestly, I think I’ve been through enough. So, I’ve worked on eroding the self hate, and shifting my perspective on life. Even though these realisations were painful, things have been so much better now. I think the best way to describe it would be to quote Dawn Smith, a cult survivor when she had said: “But I can tell you that even the hardest day of freedom was better than the best day in a cult.” They made me feel like I could be nothing without them. But now I know that’s not true. I hope there is a day where I do something big, something important, and my old community can see how far I’ve come without them.

[darling-i-read-it]

May Queen

Pelle x reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: being indoctored into a cult, murder, suicide, basically the plot of midsommar

Author’s Note: This can be seen as a sequel to ‘Hug’ or it can be read on it’s own!

yeah i was a little excited that you guys wanted this one lol I don’t know if you can tell. I’ve seen this movie enough, it was about time I did something within the events of the film. I also referred to the script so some of the lines will be familiar! I hope you all enjoy!

Requested: by anon, omg your pelle fic wow; would you consider doing a sequel to it that either takes place during the events of the film or just before they arrive at Pelle's commune?

Requested: by anon, I would LOVEEE to see a sequel with pelle cause that was a pretty good fix and I think he deserves a bit more attention, I personally would like to see something happen during the events of the movie just because I think it would be interesting to see but that's just me

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

“You think that Pelle asked you to go just because I’m going?” Dani asked, messing with her fingers. You were standing beside your bed, packing your suitcase slowly. Dani had already packed; she didn’t like to be unprepared.

“I don’t know...maybe he thought you would enjoy yourself more.”

“You’re acting like I’m the one who’s been dating him for these couple of months,” she told you. She was sitting on the bed, looking up at you. You nodded a bit, putting another pile of clothes inside.

“I know. I guess I’m just nervous. Meeting his whole group, going to where he grew up. I mean. I really like him. What if I fuck it up?” She shook her head and reached over to grab your arm. You looked her in the eyes.

“He really likes you. I can’t remember the last time Christian looked at me the way that Pelle looks at you.” Her eyes were honest. It made you feel bad. You should have gotten her to break up with Christian when you got the chance. But it was too late now; you were all going to Sweden.

“I suppose you’re right. Per usual.” She smiled weakly.

“Finish packing.”

=======

Pelle almost wanted to tell you about the whole thing. When he was on the plane, it crossed his mind to let you in on the whole scheme of things. The May Queen, the festival, all of it.

But he bit his tongue. That was tradition.

You arrived in Sweden well and took the trek up to where the first stop was. It was beautiful. Truly, it was stunning.

Pelle held your hand the whole way until you arrived at the first spot. There were people around the grassy hills, scattered around. Pelle got out of the car.

“These are other people from America that my friends have brought!” he exclaimed. He gestured to the many people around. You looked around, gazing at the nice afternoon. He grabbed your arm and started to drag you along.

“Hey, don’t rip it off!” you joked and he eased up.

“Sorry, I’m quite excited!” You smiled sweetly at his happiness.

“Me too!” He approached some people and started to introduce them when a man behind you started to yell. You turned around quickly, surprised at the loud noise. Pelle turned around too and his smile only grew.

“If you’ll excuse me,” he said and then ran over to the approaching man. They embraced each other, hugging tightly.

“Everyone, this is my brother Ingemar. Ingemar this is Christian, Dani, Mark, Josh and my girlfriend, Y/N,” Pelle said. Ingemar followed where Pelle pointed, shaking hands with everyone. He paid special attention to you, his smile getting wider. You could tell that he and Pelle were related.

“Nice to meet you all. This is Simon and Connie from London,” he said, gesturing to the others behind him. “Simon and Connie this is Pelle and...all the names I just remembered two seconds ago,” Ingemar said laughing. Simon and Connie said hello. “Perfect timing by the way.”

Ingemar pulled out a bag of mushrooms from his pocket. Your eyes went wide.

“We just took these five minutes ago. Haven’t even started feeling the effects yet,” he explained.

“Oh shit!” Mark said, happily.

“Do you all want to take it now or should we get settled in?” Pelle asked.

“Fuck it, let’s take it now!” Mark said. You weren’t too sure about that. You trusted Pelle and everyone of course but in the new environment...it rubbed you the wrong way. Thankfully, Dani turned to speak to Christian about it.

“I think I want to get settled in first.” Christian was about to speak but you cut him off.

“Me too. You guys go and have fun, we’ll keep each other company,” you said. Pelle turned to you.

“Are you sure? I assure you it’s safe,” he said in a soft voice. You smiled kindly and put a gentle hand on his arm.

“I know! I just wanna get settled. Dani and I can handle ourselves, I promise.” He gave you a longer look, just to check that you were alright and then nodded. You turned back to Dani who grabbed your arm desperately.

“Thank you,” she whispered. You nodded.

“No thank you.”

=====

It wasn’t until the next day, Dani’s birthday, that you were able to get on further. You and Dani played some card games that you had brought with you while you waited for the effects to wear off for everyone else.

Christian came over to sleep beside Dani, still high. Pelle came over to you and braided your hair and then unbraided your hair, making very long sentences that didn’t make sense to whisper in your ear.

But when you arrived at the commune it was bright and sunny. Pelle rushed around, hugging people and introducing you and the group to everyone. You were able to get some blankets to sit on the grass, while everyone got their things together.

There was a group of girls dancing around in circles, wearing all white.

“You should go join,” Pelle suggested, gesturing to you and Dani. She shook her head a bit.

“Oh no, I’m too scared,” Dani said sheepishly. You nodded in agreement.

“Maybe another time.” Christian stood up.

“Hey can I join…” he started turning to Pelle.

“You’re American. Just jam yourself in,” he said. Christian nodded and walked away. “I think I’ll join him,” Simon said and was quickly followed by the rest of the group except you, Pelle and Dani. There was a moment of silence as you watched them go.

“Hey, just real quick,” Pelle said, digging for something in his pocket. He took out two pieces of paper and handed them to you and Dani. You both opened them to reveal gorgeously drawn pictures of yourselves wearing flower crowns. “For you Dani, think of it as a birthday present. For you Y/N, I imagine it’s a thank you present.”

“Oh Pelle,” Dani said. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“Thank you for what?” you asked, brushing your finger over it. He smiled and shrugged.

“Just a thank you.”

“Well thank you for it,” you said. “I got Dani a new sweater. Christian forgot.” Pelle raised his eyebrow and you shared a look.

“I forgot to tell him...it’s my fault,” Dani explained. You shook your head.

“I tend to disagree,” you muttered. You folded the picture back up and put it in your pocket. You put your head on Pelle’s shoulders “But I think Christian is rude.”

“Perhaps you are too judgemental,” Pelle mused. “But I tend to agree with you regardless.” You and Dani laughed a bit. “We should probably go and catch up with them in case they get lost.”

=====

You got settled in in one of the large buildings, plenty of beds against the walls. Pelle was on the bed to your right while Dani slept on the one to your left.

“All right, beauty rest! Tomorrow’s a big day!” Pelle announced. You had one of the books you had brought open on your lap but you looked up at him.

“What’s tomorrow?” you asked.

“First of the big cerinomines,” he said mysteriously.

“So you’re just going to be weird and cryptic?” Josh asked, laughing a bit. Pelle pauses and then took Josh's notebook, writing something inside. You made an attempt to look but it was not a word that you recognized.

“What’s that?” Christian questioned. Pelle shrugged and laid down in his bed. You faced him, on the bed beside him.

“What is it?” you whispered to him. He gave you a teasing smile.

“It’s hard to explain.”

“I will come over there and tickle it out of you,” you threatened. He chuckled and turned around so he wasn’t facing you. But he put his arm back behind him, reaching across the space between your two beds.

You grabbed it and rubbed his knuckles anxiously.

=====

There was a very odd breakfast the next day but you tried not to judge. You wanted to really appreciate Pelle’s culture and understand it. He had admired you for your understanding and he knew you would make an effort.

That’s why he chose to love you.

You were the obvious choice.

After that you walked out to a cliffside where most of the people were already out and lined up. You were curious to find complete silence. Everyone was silent as it happened and you were able to do nothing but watch as these two elderly people stood up on top of the cliff.

When the first person, a woman, jumped, you grabbed Pelle, putting your hand in front of your mouth. He grabbed you and wrapped his arms around you but it didn’t change the look of serenity on his face.

Simon was standing next to Ingemar yelling as the man approached the cliffside.

You had your face in Pelle’s arms. You were shaking.

“It is the way of life,” he whispered to you. Simon was still screaming. Another elder was talking to him and you could feel Pelle want to move toward them but he stayed beside you. “It is our way of recycling them and their gifts.”

You pulled away from him and shook your head a bit. You met Dani’s eyes. She wasn’t showing much emotion other than shock. You didn’t blame her.

“They’re dead,” you whispered. He nodded and put his hands on your upper arms.

“And it is an honor to have died that way.” You weren’t sure how to feel. You wanted to be understanding, to try and understand him and his ways. You would want that from him. But he should have prepared you more for that.

You walked over to Dani and walked beside her on the way back to the houses.

=====

“I’m leaving,” Dani said.

“I don’t blame you.” She was already packing a bag. You sat down on your bed, head in your hands. You took a deep breath and leaned back on the bed.

“Are you coming with me?” she asked. Her voice was shaking. She was clearly shaken up by all of this.

“No,” you muttered. “I’m not leaving Pelle yet.”

“Not even after that?” Her voice was quiet but it was urgent. You shook your head a bit.

“I just have to talk to him. He should have warned us more, of course but....it’s what he’s been raised to believe is normal. I don’t think I should think of it as a bad thing.”

“We just watched people die!” You stood up off the bed and put your hands on your upper arms, steading her.

“You can go home and I will not blame you. In the slightest. I just think I should stay longer,” you told her. She nodded solemnly. She took a deep breath in through her nostrils and nodded again.

=====

Before bed that night Pelle approached you. You were standing outside of the bed house, leaning against it to try and clear your thoughts. You almost completely ignored him but in the end you locked eyes with him as he approached.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you adequate warning,” he said sympathetically. He grabbed your hand and held it. “I thought you would understand but I know now that it was wrong of me to assume.” You shook your head quickly.

“I understand it was just...a shock,” you muttered. He nodded and kissed your forehead softly.

“You are completely safe here. I want you to know that.” He looked you in the eyes when he said it. You believed him. You nodded back and gestured to the house.

“Let’s get some shut eye huh? And maybe warn me if we see another person...you know.” You made a slicing gesture across your neck. He laughed gently and nodded, placing a hand on the small of your back and leading you inside.

=====

Dani walked up to you, still distraught but less so. You were standing beside Pelle the next day as he kneeled in front of the ground picking some vegetables. You turned to her as she walked up, ready to handle whatever she was about to throw at you.

“Hey,” you said, taking the step away from Pelle and toward her.

“Hi. Did you see Simon left without Connie?” she asked. You raised an eyebrow and shook your head.

“Seriously? What a dick.” She clearly felt a little bit off put by it so you lowered your voice. “You think it’s weird?” Dani nodded a bit.

“I don’t know...it’s a little weird. They seemed so close.” You nodded. They did seem close.

“I don’t know...something to keep in mind I suppose.” She nodded quickly in agreement.

======

Dinner that night was simple pastries. You were pleased. The last food they had given you wasn’t your kind of taste. You sat between Pelle and Dani again.

“Have you seen Connie?” Dani asked you quietly. You shook your head.

“Excuse me but I know what happened,” a man sitting beside Mark said. “Her boyfriend called the landline from the train station. She begged us to drive her so we took her down to the station.” You nodded slowly, glancing at Pelle. He shrugged, seemingly in agreement.

“Why would Simon leave without her?” you asked quietly.

“I can see you doing that,” Dani muttered at Christian. You wanted to laugh so you turned to Pelle, sneaking a smile. He shrugged with a smile on his face also.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Christian asked.

“Nevermind.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Pelle said quietly, so only you could hear. You ate a bite of the pastry proudly.

“You’re damn right.”

======

One of the important books was stolen that night. They announced it at breakfast.

“Where is your friend Josh?” one of the elders asked, after breakfast. You, Christian, Dani and Pelle all stood in front of the two elders, caught like a deer in headlights.

“I know. We have no idea,” Christian said.

“He and your other friend disappear in the same day. You understand how that looks.”

“Yes obviously, but we swear to you we are not a part of this,” Christian said. Dani shuffled a bit.

“We did see Mark go off with one of the girls last night,” she said.

“Which girl?”

“Inga,” Pelle said.

“But Mark wouldn’t have done this. Josh, though, he came to bed with us, and when we woke up, he was gone. And if he did take that book, I just pray you understand we do not identify as friends of his, or collaborators, or anything. I certainly don't vouch for him and we'd be so embarrassed to be connected to this in any way,” Christian explained.

“I feel responsible,” Pelle said. The elders nodded a bit.

“Well you and Odd can go looking. Perhaps you can redeem them,” one of the elders said. You didn’t want Pelle to leave. You didn’t like it when you were separated here. You believed him when he said you were safe but...it was still a little odd. “You two will be going with the women for the day’s activity,” he said to you and Dani. “And Siv asks to see you in her house,” she said to Christian.

You glanced at Pelle as he left. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it, almost saying ‘do well!’.

=====

You and Dani got dressed in white shirts with flower crowns. It made you a tad bit nervous but at least you had her.

She gestured to the drink they were handing out. Cups had been given to both of you to drink it.

“Can I ask what’s in this?” Dani asked one of the girls.

“It’s...tea for the dancing competition.” You raised an eyebrow but took a glass anyway. Dani looked back at you and you shrugged.

“I’ll beat you,” you muttered.

“Try me.”

You both took drinks of the tea.

Your head became fuzzy the second it hit your throat. You hadn’t taken those drugs before hand and you almost didn’t want to do it now but it was already done. Your feet were moving along with the girls, tossing bodies left and right it felt like.

You lost sight of Dani very quickly.

You were running and jumping and laughing until the elder lady yelled to stop then you kept dancing.

Dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing.

Dancing.

It seemed to go on forever. Your mind was hazed, your head hurt, your glances were so quick they gave you whiplash. You were smiling brightly when they announced they were down to the final eight. You finally saw Dani again, in the eight with you.

All of the fallen dancers had sat off on the side. You saw Christian, looking hilariously out of place. And Pelle.

Your heart swelled with love for Pelle. You could barely know anything else for a moment as you stared at him.

You couldn’t see it but in that moment, Dani believed she learned how much she hated Christian.

Then more dancing.

People were speaking and then it was just you and Dani, holding hands, dancing around in a circle, tired and out of breath. She stared at you and a smile went over her face as she held your hand.

And then she tripped. You stopped dancing and someone ran up to you, putting their hands on your shoulder.

“It’s over?” you asked.

“You are our May Queen!” they yelled. You were still hazzed. Each face looked the same. The people running up to you were strangers but you felt nothing but warmth for them. They placed a different flower crown atop your head.

Pelle ran up to you smiling brightly.

“Wow! May Queen, my love!” he said, giving you a strong kiss, both his hands resting on your cheeks. You were smiling brightly and then he was gone. You didn’t want him to go.

They carried you on a platform to a dinner table where you sat at the head, Dani beside you and Pelle on the other side as usual.

One of the elders stood at the end of the dinner.

“Now it is traditional for the May Queen to bless our crops and livestock. And after the luck you just inherited from that salt herring, we should all be doubly encouraged.” You looked around nervously.

“Can Pelle come with me?”

“No. The Queen must ride alone.”

You were starting to come to your own and realize how crazy this all was. How did you get here? How would you get out of here? You found yourself hoping you didn’t get out of here though. This felt like home. Some form of home. As you walked to the carriage you saw a glimpse of the pride on Pelle’s face.

It made you immensely happy.

======

They made you do a ritual in Swedish and you did your best with the limited knowledge of the language you knew. You went to Siv’s house, where she blessed you. You wondered where Dani was. You hoped she was alright. You should have let her become the May Queen. You should have let her win, just so you knew she was alright.

The women left you alone for only a moment where they ushered Pelle into the house with all of the beds where you were. He was still smiling that bright smile as he rushed up to you, hugging you tightly to him.

“You have no idea the amount of honor and pride you have brought to me. I am so very proud of you,” he said, cupping your cheeks. You tried not to get too flustered with your smile in return.

“So I get my picture up on that wall?” you questioned. He nodded pleasantly.

“Yes you will!” He kissed you passionately and you let him, allowing him to dip you a bit. “And you will be allowed to stay here, with the family.”

You didn’t even react. You didn’t feel the need to.

“With you?”

“Yes of course. You will be mine and I will be yours.”

You nodded happily.

“Where is Dani?” you asked.

“She is alright, she’s with the other women preparing. She is also going to stay.” You wanted to laugh of joy with that. “It is time for the final of the ceremonies,” he told you. “You will finally be able to give Christian what you think he deserves, if you wish it.”

He placed an even larger flower crown atop your head.

“And a dress as well, to fit a Queen.”

He gestured to the large flower dress in the room you hadn’t even noticed. He kissed you once more.

“It is time for the final ceremony. I’ll help you put on the dress. Are you ready?” he asked. He looked at you patiently. You nodded.

“Yes, I am.”

[whitehotharlots]

The point is control

Whenever we think or talk about censorship, we usually conceptualize it as certain types of speech being somehow disallowed: maybe (rarely) it's made formally illegal by the government, maybe it's banned in certain venues, maybe the FCC will fine you if you broadcast it, maybe your boss will fire you if she learns of it, maybe your friends will stop talking to you if they see what you've written, etc. etc. 

This understanding engenders a lot of mostly worthless discussion precisely because it's so broad. Pedants--usually arguing in favor of banning a certain work or idea--will often argue that speech protections only apply to direct, government bans. These bans, when they exist, are fairly narrow and apply only to those rare speech acts in which other people are put in danger by speech (yelling the N-word in a crowded theater, for example). This pedantry isn't correct even within its own terms, however, because plenty of people get in trouble for making threats. The FBI has an entire entrapment program dedicated to getting mentally ill muslims and rednecks to post stuff like "Death 2 the Super bowl!!" on twitter, arresting them, and the doing a press conference about how they heroically saved the world from terrorism. 

Another, more recent pedant's trend is claiming that, actually, you do have freedom of speech; you just don't have freedom from the consequences of speech. This logic is eerily dictatorial and ignores the entire purpose of speech protections. Like, even in the history's most repressive regimes, people still technically had freedom of speech but not from consequences. Those leftist kids who the nazis beheaded for speaking out against the war were, by this logic, merely being held accountable. 

The two conceptualizations of censorship I described above are, 99% of the time, deployed by people who are arguing in favor of a certain act of censorship but trying to exempt themselves from the moral implications of doing so. Censorship is rad when they get to do it, but they realize such a solipsism seems kinda icky so they need to explain how, actually, they're not censoring anybody, what they're doing is an act of righteous silencing that's a totally different matter. Maybe they associate censorship with groups they don't like, such as nazis or religious zealots. Maybe they have a vague dedication toward Enlightenment principles and don't want to be regarded as incurious dullards. Most typically, they're just afraid of the axe slicing both ways, and they want to make sure that the precedent they're establishing for others will not be applied to themselves.

Anyone who engages with this honestly for more than a few minutes will realize that censorship is much more complicated, especially in regards to its informal and social dimensions. We can all agree that society simply would not function if everyone said whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. You might think your boss is a moron or your wife's dress doesn't look flattering, but you realize that such tidbits are probably best kept to yourself. 

Again, this is a two-way proposition that everyone is seeking to balance. Do you really want people to verbalize every time they dislike or disagree with you? I sure as hell don't. And so, as part of a social compact, we learn to self-censor. Sometimes this is to the detriment of ourselves and our communities. Most often, however, it's just a price we have to pay in order to keep things from collapsing. 

But as systems, large and small, grow increasingly more insane and untenable, so do the comportment standards of speech. The disconnect between America's reality and the image Americans have of themselves has never been more plainly obvious, and so striving for situational equanimity is no longer good enough. We can't just pretend cops aren't racist and the economy isn't run by venal retards or that the government places any value on the life of its citizens. There's too much evidence that contradicts all that, and the evidence is too omnipresent. There's too many damn internet videos, and only so many of them can be cast as Russian disinformation. So, sadly, we must abandon our old ways of communicating and embrace instead systems that are even more unstable, repressive, and insane than the ones that were previously in place.

Until very, very recently, nuance and big-picture, balanced thinking were considered signs of seriousness, if not intelligence. Such considerations were always exploited by shitheads to obfuscate things that otherwise would have seemed much less ambiguous, yes, but this fact alone does not mitigate the potential value of such an approach to understanding the world--especially since the stuff that's been offered up to replace it is, by every worthwhile metric, even worse.

So let's not pretend I'm Malcolm Gladwell or some similarly slimy asshole seeking to "both sides" a clearcut moral issue. Let's pretend I am me. Flash back to about a year ago, when there was real, widespread, and sustained support for police reform. Remember that? Seems like forever ago, man, but it was just last year... anyhow, now, remember what happened? Direct, issues-focused attempts to reform policing were knocked down. Blotted out. Instead, we were told two things: 1) we had to repeat the slogan ABOLISH THE POLICE, and 2) we had to say it was actually very good and beautiful and nonviolent and valid when rioters burned down poor neighborhoods.

Now, in a relatively healthy discourse, it might have been possible for someone to say something like "while I agree that American policing is heavily violent and racist and requires substantial reforms, I worry that taking such an absolutist point of demanding abolition and cheering on the destruction of city blocks will be a political non-starter." This statement would have been, in retrospect, 100000000% correct. But could you have said it, in any worthwhile manner? If you had said something along those lines, what would the fallout had been? Would you have lost friends? Your job? Would you have suffered something more minor, like getting yelled at, told your opinion did not matter? Would your acquaintances still now--a year later, after their political project has failed beyond all dispute--would they still defame you in "whisper networks," never quite articulating your verbal sins but nonetheless informing others that you are a dangerous and bad person because one time you tried to tell them how utterly fucking self-destructive they were being? It is undeniably clear that last year's most-elevated voices were demanding not reform but catharsis. I hope they really had fun watching those immigrant-owned bodegas burn down, because that’s it, that will forever be remembered as the most palpable and consequential aspect of their shitty, selfish movement. We ain't reforming shit. Instead, we gave everyone who's already in power a blank check to fortify that power to a degree you and I cannot fully fathom.

But, oh, these people knew what they were doing. They were good little boys and girls. They have been rewarded with near-total control of the national discourse, and they are all either too guilt-ridden or too stupid to realize how badly they played into the hands of the structures they were supposedly trying to upend.

And so left-liberalism is now controlled by people whose worldview is equal parts superficial and incoherent. This was the only possible outcome that would have let the system continue to sustain itself in light of such immense evidence of its unsustainability without resulting in reform, so that's what has happened.

But... okay, let's take a step back. Let's focus on what I wanted to talk about when I started this.

I came across a post today from a young man who claimed that his high school English department head had been removed from his position and had his tenure revoked for refusing to remove three books from classrooms. This was, of course, fallout from the ongoing debate about Critical Race Theory. Two of those books were Marjane Satropi's Persepolis and, oh boy, The Diary of Anne Frank. Fuck. Jesus christ, fuck.

Now, here's the thing... When Persepolis was named, I assumed the bannors were anti-CRT. The graphic novel does not deal with racism all that much, at least not as its discussed contemporarily, but it centers an Iranian girl protagonist and maybe that upset Republican types. But Anne Frank? I'm sorry, but the most likely censors there are liberal identiarians who believe that teaching her diary amounts to centering the suffering of a white woman instead of talking about the One Real Racism, which must always be understood in an American context. The super woke cult group Black Hammer made waves recently with their #FuckAnneFrank campaign... you'd be hard pressed to find anyone associated with the GOP taking a firm stance against the diary since, oh, about 1975 or so.

So which side was it? That doesn't matter. What matters is, I cannot find out.

Now, pro-CRT people always accuse anti-CRT people of not knowing what CRT is, and then after making such accusations they always define CRT in a way that absolutely is not what CRT is. Pro-CRTers default to "they don't want  students to read about slavery or racism." This is absolutely not true, and absolutely not what actual CRT concerns itself with. Slavery and racism have been mainstays of American history curriucla since before I was born. Even people who barely paid attention in school would admit this, if there were any more desire for honesty in our discourse. 

My high school history teacher was a southern "lost causer" who took the south's side in the Civil War but nonetheless provided us with the most descriptive and unapologetic understandings of slavery's brutalities I had heard up until that point. He also unambiguously referred to the nuclear attacks on Hiroshmia and Nagasaki as "genocidal." Why? Because most people's politics are idiosyncratic, and because you cannot genuinely infer a person to believe one thing based on their opinion of another, tangentially related thing. The totality of human understanding used to be something open-minded people prided themselves on being aware of, believe it or not...

This is the problem with CRT. This is is the motivation behind the majority of people who wish to ban it. It’s not because they are necessarily racist themselves. It’s because they recognize, correctly, that the now-ascendant frames for understanding social issues boils everything down to a superficial patina that denies not only the realities of the systems they seek to upend but the very humanity of the people who exist within them. There is no humanity without depth and nuance and complexities and contradictions. When you argue otherwise, people will get mad and fight back. 

And this is the most bitter irony of this idiotic debate: it was never about not wanting to teach the sinful or embarrassing parts of our history. That was a different debate, one that was settled and won long ago. It is instead an immense, embarrassing overreach on behalf of people who have bullied their way to complete dominance of their spheres of influence within media and academe assuming they could do the same to everyone else. Some of its purveyors may have convinced themselves that getting students to admit complicity in privilege will prevent police shootings, sure. But I know these people. I’ve spoken to them at length. I’ve read their work. The vast, vast majority of them aren’t that stupid. The point is to exert control. The point is to make sure they stay in charge and that nothing changes. The point is failure. 

[morlock-holmes]

Look, I get a bit punchy because this is the internet, but it really is a pet peeve of mine that discussions about AI art proceed as though most of the last century of art history had never happened.

Suppose I were to say to you, "True art, as opposed to mere craftsmanship, depends on subject matter. Art deals with certain rarified subject matters and anything that does not deal with those subject matters by definition cannot be art."

We're on Tumblr, here in the amazing space year 2023, so naturally if I said that you would disagree. You would think of me as a reactionary trying to put together a cargo cult dedicated to a thoroughly outdated and bizarre view of art.

A big part of the reason why this would be obvious to you is the work of a variety of artists and art movements throughout the 20th century.

I wrote something I'm fairly proud of about why Marcel Duchamp submitted a urinal to an art show and its worth noting: That's just a urinal he bought from a plumbing supply firm.

An unsigned editorial appeared in the Dada magazine "The Blind Man"

"Whether Mr Mutt with his own hands made the fountain or not has no importance. He CHOSE it. He took an ordinary article of life, placed it so that its useful significance disappeared under the new title and point of view – created a new thought for that object. "As for plumbing, that is absurd. The only works of art America has given are her plumbing and her bridges.

An article by Louise Wood says,

To those who say that Mr. Mutt's exhibit may be Art, but is it the art of Mr. Mutt since a plumber made it? I reply simply that the Fountain was not made by a plumber but by the force of an imagination; and of imagination it has been said, 'All men are shocked by it and some overthrown by it'"

Given that we have now spent more than a century arguing over that particular urinal, there may be some truth to this.

Tristan Tzara's Dada Manifesto on Feeble Love and Bitter Love says,

TO MAKE A DADAIST POEM   Take a newspaper. Take some scissors. Choose from this paper an article of the length you want to make your poem. Cut out the article. Next carefully cut out each of the words that makes up this article and put them all in a bag. Shake gently. Next take out each cutting one after the other. Copy conscientiously in the order in which they left the bag. The poem will resemble you. And there you are – an infinitely original author of charming sensibility, even though unappreciated by the vulgar herd.*   * Example: when dogs cross the air in a diamond like ideas and the appendix of the meninx tells the time of the alarm programme (the title is mine) prices they are yesterday suitable next pictures/ appreciate the dream era of the eyes/ pompously that to recite the gospel sort darkens/ group apotheosis imagine said he fatality power of colours/ carved flies (in the theatre) flabbergasted reality a delight/ spectator all to effort of the no more 10 to 12/ during divagation twirls descends pressure/ render some mad single-file flesh on a monstrous crushing stage/ celebrate but their 160 adherents in steps on put on my nacreous/ sumptuous of land bananas sustained illuminate/ joy ask together almost/ of has the a such that the invoked visions/ some sings latter laughs/ exits situation disappears describes she 25 dance bows/ dissimulated the whole of it isn’t was/ magnificent has the band better light whose lavishness stage music-halls me/ reappears following instant moves live/ business he didn’t has lent/ manner words come these people

As Dada moved on to Surrealism, collage became part of the mix; consider Max Ernst's "A Week of Kindness" for example; a book literally made of pictures that had been cut apart and recombined.

Here's an image I generated a while ago with an AI program:

I'm going to assert to you that without knowing which model I used to generate this image, it is impossible to figure out which artist's images went into this picture.

The same cannot be said for the paintings of Roy Lichtenstein:

Or, for that matter, his pop art contemporary, Andy Warhol, who didn't invent the Campbell's soup can.

I'm not trying to justify AI art on these grounds, truly. I have a tremendous amount of respect for Marcel Duchamp as an artist and I tend to think Roy Lichtenstein was little more than a common plagiarist, and one who often diminished the impact and art of the people he copied.

What I am trying to say is that all this stuff, collectively, fed into the vast filthy ocean of modern culture. The process of the cut-up, the collage, and the mere recontextualization all feed into the ideas we have about art today here on Tumblr.

Particularly, ALL of the people named above play a major role in our modern perception of commercial art as fine art. To a very large degree the reason you think of fan-fiction and fan-art as capital-A-Art is exactly because of the kind of people who really did, in fact, just cut words out of newspaper articles to make poetry.

The same experiments which meant to challenge ideas about what subject matter was integral to art were also meant to challenge our ideas about what processes were intentional to art.

I think it really is worth knowing where this kind of thing comes from.

anti AI guys keep making AI sound so fucking cool

[gayenerd]

Interview with Billie for the Kerrang Yearbook. Sounds like this took place around 2000-2001?

Hello Billie Joe. A bit pissed at the Kerrang Awards weren't you? "I was drinking with Papa Roach the night before. Everybody went to see The Cult in Brixton. All the American bands like Papa Roach and Queens Of The Stone Age were there. I felt terrible when I got out of bed to go to the Kerrang Awards." Who ended up worse off - you or Coby Dick? "Sometimes Coby can't even hold it together when he's sober! He's super-hyper all the time. You have to say, 'Coby, turn it off for 2 minutes - I'm in my bunk!' Then he'll turn it off and you can get into a decent conversation." You experienced some difficulty in getting off the stage after accepting your Kerrang Award. "Award's shows freak me out - I'm so scared shitless of those things so I end up doing stupid things. I never theought I'd ever win an award for playing music. Watching all our videos being shown up on the screen, I just looked at Mike and Tre and said. 'Does this mean we're old now?' I can be such a self-conscious freak. I just don't know how to be cool." What's the healthiest thing you've done this year? "I like to keep myself fit. I run, I skateboard, and i'll hit the weights every other day. You reach a certain age when you've gotta start looking out for yourself. I'm staring down the barrel of 30, you know? My dad really let himself fall to @#%$ and I don't want to end up like that. Theres a preconcieved idea about musicians and punk musicians in particular that we have to self-destruct, and I can't buy into that. I like to breathe. Like like it when my heart beats - Its a really cool thing." Have you cut down on your drinking recently? "When i'm on tour I drink all day long with the guys. There's nothing else to do. But i've been at homea while. There are many, many moods to Billie Joe. There's drunk me and theres not-drunk me." What have you learned about being a father during the past year? "You learn new things every day as your kids' characters and personalities are building. Joey is 6 now, he's not a baby at all, he's a little boy. And Jacob, who's 3, is a maniac. The one rule I have is that I never expose them to television." What have you learned about Tre and Mike this past year? "Wow (long pause). I learned that Mike is a Bob Dylan fan, which was kind of suprising. I'm not the biggest fan but I definately appreciate Bob Dylan. And Tre is becoming really fluent in Spanish. His wife is Nicaraguan." What color has your hair been this year? "I shaved my head when I got off the road. Its been black. I haven't really been changing it. When the boy groups started dyeing their hair, I had to stop." Any fashion tips you'd care to pass on to Kerrang readers? "I've been wearing the same pants since High School! Never been into the Versace thing." Best punk rock song you've heard this year? "Last Nite by The Strokes. They're not really a punk band, but those guys have a really cool outlook and a good sensibility about how they present themselves. All the rap rock metal bands have lost that rock'n'roll element, and i'm just a sucker for good rock'n'roll music." What song has been stuck in your head this year, even though you hate it? "Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm. It was bad when Michael Jackson sang it, but it's even worse second time around! Y'know, I think Michael Jackson should join Slipknot. His face looks so bizarre now, its like he's wearing a mask." Are Slipknot still the scariest dudes in rock? "In about a year from now, if they're still as popular as they are now, they'll be as American as apple pie. That's sort of what happened to Marilyn Manson. When he came out he was really scary looking, like 'Jesus Christ! This guy is a maniac!' But now its, 'Oh, theres Marilyn, mowing the lawn, no big deal.' I like Manson, but it's funny how the most normal people end up being the most threatening, and the people who are scariest at first end up kinda normal. That's the dissapointing thing about shock value. Neil Young is more threatening than Slipknot just because he's smarter and has more of an opinion." How much fun did you have on tour in 2001? "It's really exciting at first because you're in different places every day, but after a while i'd rather be home. I get into really long conversations with my wife, I talk to my kids a lot, I'll write little notes and draw pictures for them and fax them to the house. Our sets are getting longer, sometimes we'll play up to three hours, and its because there is no rock'n'roll lifestyle for me other than that. I'm a devoted husband and a devoted father, and so all that decadent bullshit is not my thing. You start to wonder, 'Is this the life for me?' But then I get home and I dont know what the @#%$ to do with myself because i'm not playing music. People have looked at us and gone, 'Obviously these guys have no place to go after the gig because they're still on stage!'" Where were you on September 11? "I was on West Coast time, so it was really early in the morning for me. I saw the towers fall, and it felt like the world was gonna end. What amazes me is that Tony Blair is almost heading the coalition by himself! Does he realise what he's getting his country into? This is @#%$ serious! There's been a lot of shocking words used: the 'crusade against terrorism'. The las thing you say to someone from the Middle East is the word 'crusade'." After September 11, do you share America's renewed sense of patriotism? "No way. I can't really see myself as a patriot. I don't see what happened in New York as an act of war, it's an act of terrorism. Every country has had to deal with terrorism in some form, and this is the first time America has ever seen it and they dont know what to do, so everyone is clinging to these war slogans. All the flags is people's cars and homes - it just seems kind of gross to me." Has American learnt from the tragedy? "I hope some good stuff comes out of this. People have become so self-absorbed and dedicated to their careers. I'm not a person to wave a flag for family values or anything like that, but there comes a time when your relationships and your family is the most important thing, not whether you're making $100,000 every year. Thats what I hope comes out of it - that people realise the important things in life." Six Of The Best Best Friend: " Valium. Lots of plane flights, man. Valium only lasts four hours, so if you're on an 11 hour flight take two and a half." Best advice: "Put your head between your knees if you think you are gonna pass out." Best Ass: "Tre Cool. Not only because he has one, but because he is one." Personal Best: The pinnacle moment for me this year, musically, was playing Reading. It was a great show. There's so many bands nowadays who can't play live, but to actually do it and have people singing along and getting something sentimental out of it at the same time, thats rare, and we achieved that at Reading." Best Night Out: "The furst night I went out after september 11. I really went for it. American has these feelings of its days being numbered. It's like a country that has just got cancer, but the cancer's in remission. A lot of people are doing all the things they've always talked about doing. I hadn't partied really hard in a while, so that's what I did. I went to a couple of bars with Mike and Tre and our producer. We got loud and had a good time." Best Buy: " My cellphone. The ring tone is just a goofy tune. And it vibrates well in my pocket."

[returnsandreturns]

NANOWRIMO 2021

GOING INTO THIS ALMOST ENTIRELY UNPLANNED BUT IT'S HAPPENING, I GUESS

“The cops are saying they’re runaways,” Jess says, throwing open the door to Casey’s bedroom with unnecessary dramatic force.

“How do you know?” Em asks, making a face at him from the floor where Casey’s braiding her hair. She says that it’s good for both of their brains, that they should both be sitting still for different reasons. It would be meditative if Casey was capable of being quiet and Em didn’t love listening to her.

“I have my ways,” Jess says, shadily, pausing when Em and Casey both give him skeptical looks. “Okay, I’ve been bribing the kid next door to spy on his dad.”

“Oh my god,” Em says, sighing.

“That kid would do anything for candy,” Jess says, sitting on Casey’s bed and unzipping his backpack in one smooth motion to pull out his battered laptop. “You’d think he’d know better with a cop as a dad.”

“You have to stop doing sketchy shit, you’d be so bad at prison,” Casey says, taking the hairband off her wrist and wrapping it around the end of the braid, making her jump and shiver a little when she tugs it lightly. “Perfect. Turn around.”

“His dad is going to make it look like you were a runaway, too,” Em says, meeting eyes with Jess before Casey touches her again, tucking loose hair behind her ears.

When she looks up at Jess again, he rolls his eyes at her in a way that she knows is a response to the stupid look that she probably had on her face with Casey this close.

“That’s the whole point, though,” he says. “Hot, well-adjusted kids don’t run away from home. If I disappeared? Sure, maybe I ran off to join a cult or get murdered by some old guy who catfished me on Reddit. But Sally Anne?”

“She’s America’s sweetheart,” Casey says, nodding, squeezing Em’s shoulder gently and standing up to collapse next to him, looking at his screen. “Is this a virtual murder board?”

Em climbs up behind them to look between their heads, bursting out laughing.

“That’s a Pinterest murder board,” she says.

“Necessity, invention, whatever,” Jess mutters. “The real thing has expanded to the walls.”

On screen, there are yearbook pictures of six kids that go to their high school with Sally Anne Hensley in the center: perfect and pretty and blonde, white cardigan buttoned up to her clavicle, pearls placed carefully over it. She’s actually really sweet. Em doesn’t know what her life is really like but she’s always seemed happy, at least.

“What do all these kids have in common?” Jess asks, like he already knows.

“They all have perfect smiles,” Casey says. “I mean, dazzling.”

“. . .how many extracurriculars do you think that they’re in? Like, combined?” Em asks, feeling a little too pleased when Jess shoots a smile at her over his shoulder. She likes being helpful but she doesn’t want anybody to know that.

“A million,” he says, opening a document that lists all of them with one of them in red under each name.

“. . .is that the club that prays outside before school starts?” Em asks.

“I always thought that was creepy,” Casey says, softly.

Jess opens the board again and scrolls down to a group picture on the steps of a building, each of the kids circled. It’s a big group.

“I don’t know if it’s related,” he says, “but they all go to the same church.”

“. . .do y’all think it’s Satan?” Casey asks, laughing when Jess sighs and shut the laptop, placing it on the floor.

“They might think that,” he says, turning to sit so Em and Casey move to give him room, sitting cramped and cross-legged in a circle on her twin bed. Em wonders what it would feel like if they held hands and they believed what she believes. If they could make anything happen.

“My grandma thinks they’re dead,” she says.

“. . .does she know anything?” Jess asks, skeptically.

“She has. . .visions,” she says, vaguely. “She’s kinda like you, she kept all the newspaper articles but she said that every time she sees the pictures, she can smell sulfur and smoke. Like a match burning out.”

“Your grandma’s so metal,” Casey says, a little awestruck.

“I don’t believe in visions,” Jess says, a little dryly, “but I’m leaning in that direction anyway.”

“Because good Christian kids don’t run away from home?” Em asks.

Jess is quiet for a long, long time before he says, “I guess we don’t know what’s happening in their homes,” like he doesn’t want to consider what might be behind all the pretty and the shiny.

“Okay, it’s a research project now,” Casey says, too happily, getting up to sit in her desk chair and do exactly one spin. “Send me the link to your board. I’ll learn everything the internet has to offer.”

“What can I do?” Em asks.

“See if your grandma’s prophesied anything else, I guess,” Jess says.

Casey throws a ball of rubber bands at his head, hitting him in square in the forehead.

“Don’t be a dick,” she says, smiling sweetly at Em before turning back around to start working.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can you make a list on who you think is the most to least reliable of the RFA (+ Minor Trio if you want!) when it comes to pets 👀

gasp you know what yes (I've been wanting to make some lists for a while -maybe least to most bottom of each of the RFA characters LMAO-)

MysMe characters least to most reliable with a pet and what pet would they have:

11. Rika

LMFAO bet ya didn't expect that did ya!? Nah you probably did, anyway the reason why she's the least reliable for a pet it's kinda obvious, first of all, she would refuse to get her pet treatment when it almost turns blind and ma'am? Please help your dog???

Also if at any time the pet dies she would start another cult so let's not risk it with her. Instead of an animal maybe give her a rock instead pfttt (actually wait-no she'd probably throw it at our poor mint coloured hair boy just give her a dog plushy it smth she can't be trusted with alive things)

10. Saeyoung

You may be asking me, Amanda, why, Saeyoung absolutely loves cats he'd be a cool cat dad, and yes, you're right. But you also don't understand that this man's love for cats goes SO far that he will actually cause chaos all around him. He'd give the cat SO many treats, not only that, but he'd also cuddle them, and that's nice tight? Wrong. This man will try to stretch the cat, grab it and twirl it around, reenact the lion king and do the 'Simba' bit and everything. Not only that he'd completely use it to prank Zen and everyone else, overall, he'd be a great pet owner but it'd be too much chaos so let's just stick with loving cats from afar.

Also I feel like he'd get a snake for some reason, and he'd dress them up in like a fancy bowtie a hat, or an iguana or chameleon y'know? He'd go for the amphibian type :o

9. Ray

I love our boy, I really do, but honestly how do you expect him to take care of a dog if he can't take care of himself. 😢

Actually scratch that, if he had a dog he would definitely love it and spoil it, and we live for that but also:

honey focus on yourself too we don't want you to D I E

Maybe give him a hamster or smth, while he's hacking away and watching MC in their room the hamster will be spinning on it's wheel super happy

Or he can have some cute fishes 🐟🐠

And like his brother, because great minds think alike, maybe a chameleon. He'd be pretty scared of them at first but he found one under some flowers and decided to rescue it, and now he sort of ended up adopting it :D

Although I find it pretty unlikely that he'll get a pet, he's more into flowers anyway

(OH WAIT WHAT ABOUT BEES? YA LIKE JAZZ -im sorry pft but now I need to see Ray in like those bee farmer dress things lmao)

8. Zen

I could see him as the pet owner that takes their dogs on walks and such, but honestly, if he's allergic to cats he's probably allergic to other animals too, at least some with a lot of hair! Although I feel like he'd get one of those big dogs and he'd go on runs with it all the time. The dog would be like the ones that are mostly thought of as super dangerous or aggressive but it turns out they're a sweetheart. Either that or a poodle 🐩💀 (but like I said, he's probably allergic to animals with lots of hair.)

HOW ABOUT A PARROT? ZEN COULD TOTALLY PRACTICE HIS LINES AND SONGS WITH THE PARROT AJDNFBFB

7. Jihyun

Jihyun would be pretty good as a pet owner but honestly he'd be super nervous at everything at first. Welcome to the Jihyun apologizing to his pet show akdjdn. But would we trust him with a pet? He wasn't really able to take care of two teenage boys -although it was mostly because he was in a toxic relationship 💀

When he has his sight problems he could totally get those helper dogs? (Forgot what they're called I'm sorry T_T)

He'd probably get a more chill pet tho, maybe a cat (he probably likes them a lot too! Also they're pretty calming.) So he could have like the guide dog and a small kitty too!

6. Jaehee

She'd be an awesome pet mom lol. I don't think she'd get a cat after being traumatized from pet-sitting Elizabeth. Maybe she could get like a turtle 🐢

Or maybe a rat to reenact Ratatouille lmaoo

She wouldn't get big pets unless the MC wanted to adopt something (and if they're a couple, we all know what people who want kids but can't or just aren't able to adopt at the moment, do, they get DOGS AND CATS!!!)

So honestly she'd start understanding why Jumin pampers Elly so much, since your dogs basically your child now PFTTT

Maybe a bunny too? I could see her working with the bunny on her head lmao and that's adorable

Omg imagine her with a SNAKE, HOW BADASS WOULD THAT BE???

5. Suit Saeran

You may be wondering once again, WHAT AND WHY

Let me explain.

Suit would dffinetly get those scary and big dogs that have spiky collars and everything, and he'd probably call him something like Killer or Skull Destroyer, or maybe Blade lmao

And we all know he'd die for his dog. It's the only one he can trust ajdhdbdbd

He'd be like the bad boys that walk around with their dog everywhere growling at people (not just the dog, the two of them)

And "Spike" would be so well taken care of. Believers have to start doing draws to see who feeds the monster dog that always bites them PFTTT

The dog would also dffinetly know how to fight. It'd be cute if the only person he likes appart from Saeran tho is MC hehe

AND you cannot change my mind in this, ever since Saeran got "Dark Knight" (I'm experimenting with the dog names pfft) he's shown him a picture of Saeyoung and taught him to absolutely hate his guts, so Seven, buddy, maybe don't get to close to them lol

AND the backstory for this dog is that Saeran found him under some bushes, hurt, and the dog reminded him of when he was younger, so he took him in and that's how the doggie came to be :3

3. GE Saeran

Idk, he'd also get the normal-ish animals, like a bunny or a cat (he'd like how calming they are.)

He'd be awesome with animals too!

Also uhm, someone please draw him as a farmer AJDHDHD lmaoo that's the first thing that came to mind 😂

He'd be the person that likes animals but like....other people's animals? He'd love to see Elizabeth and such, but he wouldn't really want to have one (unless MC wanted to of course.) It's not that he doesn't like them, it's mostly because he feels more comfortable with other people's pets ajdjdbd

Also he doesn't want them to ruin the garden oop

3. In a tie with Saeran, Yoosung

I forgot about him and didn't want to change the numbers lmao

Yoosung is a vet, c'mon he knows how to deal with animals!

At first he'd be so freaking nervous and would be just like a helicopter parent, making sure the doggie is alright and such, but then he gets the hang of it and he's perfect.

We all know we got a bunny with him too in his GE :D so maybe a dog and a bunny! He'd have more than one pet I'll tell ya that.

2. Jumin

Listen he's the king alright? He pampers his cat SO much, and you can just TELL how much he loves Elly. We all stan a man that loves animals.

He'd probably get some exotic pets too, maybe a few horses and birds that are really exotic or something

But can you imagine him with like....a tiger PFT

He'd be like: omg this is a cat but bigger let me have one

It'd be like Sebastian from Black Butler lol

He'd also be up to a dog, it'd take a bit of convincing but if MC wants one then he'd snap his fingers and get them one immediately (I love this man he's so ADORABLE) and then they'd have two children and Zen wouldn't have to worry about just Elizabeth

1. Vanderwood

Yes! The one! The only!

He's the only one appart from Jaehee that has more than one braincell PFTTTTT

He'd have a pretty big and scary dog that would've an absolute sweetheart when you get to know them. Everyone at first is scared but the dog just wants to sleep and eat, that's all.

Vanderwood is super responsible, I mean after Saeyoung I'm sure a dog would be nothing. He'd also compare Seven to his dog lol "Not even Capitan America is that dirty!"

"you named your dog Capitan America...?"

"shut the hell up or I'm tasing you."

His dog would spend all day sleeping. Sometimes Vanderwood will take him on walks, and they really enjoy that time together.

Vanderwood romance route? Uh, no he's far too in love with his dog to be doing anything else PFT

And you cannot once again change my mind on this:

He talks to his dog when he's alone.

He will tell him about his day as he cooks or does the laundry. He'd be in an apron making some dinner and be all like:

"Ugh, today I had to take care of that no-good for nothing guy again. It's incredible how messy his house can get in just a matter of hours! Not only that, he wasn't eating properly again, that idiot. I had to practically drag him out of his chair and make him eat some food. Not that I'm worried. It'd just be a hassle to have to find another hacker as good as him. Seriously that guy...."

And the dog would be like excuse me do I look like your therapist please just give me food lolol

[scribble-blog]

Soulmate AU part 3!!

First • Previous • Here • Next

Side note, I’m a grandma in a 22 year old body who doesn’t understand technology. If somebody can teach me how to get readmores to work on tumblr mobile, and possibly how to start linking the posts together, I’d appreciate it!

Also, the taglist is now full! Though if people want, I could try doing a supplemental taglist? Either in a reblogged or in a separate post to notify you? Let me know in the replies!

Damian Wayne, as it turns out, is almost very certainly the son of Bruce Wayne, who sponsored their entire trip to Gotham. There are only two official pictures of him that are clear enough to truly check against, but Marinette sees the eyes and she nods. “That’s him.”

Trixx, Pollen, Kaalki, and Plagg are scattered about the bed, napping and lounging. Adrien also lounges, catlike and crosswise with the bed, entirely over the pillows at their back. Chloé holds the laptop that Marinette is hovering over, even from her seated position with her much smaller stature.

“It would be you,” Chloé snorts. “Oh, let’s just traipse over to America for a quick class visit! Oops, my soulmate is the incredibly handsome son of the incredibly wealthy man who invited us here!”

“Still more believable than you, Miss ‘My soulmate and I have literally been standing two feet from each other for weeks because not only do we have the exact same friends, but we’re part of the same superhero group and never realized until Ladybug allowed us to learn each other’s secret identities.’” Adrien doesn’t move as he calls her out, lazily curled into the warmth of his two friends and the pillows cocooning him.

“I don’t think any of us can speak,” Marinette groans. “I’m living a cheap rom com, Chloé’s got all the plot elements of a high budget Shakespearian drama, and Mr. ‘Didn’t know I wasn’t straight until my soulmate mark was a guys name” is straight out of a b movie comedy.”

“At least I got my act together pretty quickly once it occurred to me that I could like guys too,” Adrien points out. “And now Jon and I talk all the time, and he even comes to Paris sometimes to see me, or we’ll meet up for my occasional business trips in America. Which reminds me,” he pulled out his phone, sending off a quick text, “he wants to come meet you guys. Next week, while we’re all actually on the same continent.”

“Kudos to you for shaking off whatever Gabe tried to stuff your head full of,” Chloé says. “Took me ages to admit that I was gay, and that was even WITH my soulmark and both Marinette and Ladybug constantly in front of me.”

“Feeling pretty objectified,” Marinette protests.

“Oh shut it, I know for a fact that you’ve basically been the gay awakening crush of every not straight girl in our class. And several outside of it. And that’s not even counting all the dudes that fall in love with you.”

“I still object,” Marinette pouts at Chloé.

“Objection overruled.” Adrien sits up. “Marinette. You’re like, the perfect crush. They have a warning about you in the introductory packet for Mme. Bustier’s class.”

“They do not,” Marinette gasps, outraged. “I wrote that packet!”

“And then the class unanimously decided you were too dangerous to be walking around without a warning sign,” Chloé pinched her cheek. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s still in the packet despite Lila’s best efforts to get it thrown out.”

That does make Marinette feel better.

“Damian Wayne resurfaces after year of being believed dead,” Adrien reads from his phone. “Gotham’s Newest Wayne: The True Son! These all read like tabloids but as far as I can tell the Wayne’s don’t tolerate stuff like that. So I guess it’s true?”

“I’m tired of looking him up,” Marinette groans. “Can we just leave it be?”

“Nope,” Chloé pops the P. “Congrats, Dupain-Cheng, this is what friends are for.”

“I wish I could talk to Tikki about it,” Marinette sighs. “Especially because I have literally never heard anyone talk about that- electric feeling when we touched. Is it a Ladybug thing?”

Plagg opens one big green eye. “Cool it, Spots. It’s definitely a Ladybug thing. You’re literally the reason these marks exist.”

Marinette sticks her tongue out at the mini god. “I just miss her.”

“Join the club,” he grumbles, closing his eye and going back to napping.

“Good news,” Chloé says, bringing her attention back to the laptop. “Searching your name very easily leads to you, and our class, and the fact that we won the contest. So, unless he decides he’s not ready to meet you, you’ll have the chance to find him at the gala. Or at Wayne Enterprises. Or at any of the places the Wayne’s own, which is two-thirds of our trip destinations.”

“Oh god,” Marinette says. “What if he didn’t want to find me?”

Adrien, Chloé, and four Kwamis hit her at the same time, shoving her back into the bed.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mari,” Adrien scolds her from his position atop the newly formed cuddle pile. “I saw his face too. If the boy isn’t already in love with you, he’ll be hunting you down just for the chance to fall.”

Trixx nuzzled into her side. “I may not be Tikki but all of us Kwamis know how incredible you are, Marinette.”

She sighed. “Alright guys, get off.”

———

Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Tim already knew who the girl was, because he’d been curious when his favorite artist had started talking about the source of his newest looks.

But having Damian demand his help in searching for everything he could find on her, and then only asking for the bare minimum of information about her trip itinerary- Tim wasn’t an idiot.

“So. She’s your soulmate.” Tim takes a sip of the coffee he’d been working on, making a face and instantly setting it back down when he realized it had gone cold.

Damian carefully did not change his expression, but it wasn’t fooling anyone. “And so what if she is?”

Tim looked back at the monitor. “So nothing. Congrats, Demon Spawn. I’m happy for you.”

He barely caught the edge of the scowl the younger Wayne tried to hide.

“Hey, no.” Tim spun his chair to face Damian. “Look, we’ve had our differences and disagreements-“

“You had me on the superhero equivalent of a terrorism watch list,” Damian interrupted.

“And you literally tried to kill me within the first day of meeting me.”

“A byproduct of my indoctrination from birth into a murder cult,” His brother kept his face still but the tone was wry.

“You kept trying to kill me.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill you!” Damian finally exclaimed, losing his collected demeanor. “Just-“

“Point being,” Tim stressed, “even if we haven’t always gotten along- haven’t ever, really- I’m still happy for you. Soulmates are a special thing. We all kind of thought you might not have one, with the way you always acted when Dick tried to ask.”

Damian forced down the immediate retort and looked at Tim. “I thought that maybe my dying would have prevented my name from showing up for them. And my teachings-“ he said the word with the inflection that meant he was discussing Assassin Upbringing rather than here- “were as such that most connections, be they familial, friendly, or romantic, were- unnecessary and even dangerous.” It felt tantamount to a betrayal of his younger self to confide anything in Drake like this, but... Damian really was, in many ways, a better and more mature person than the spoiled, aggressive, near sociopathic brat he’d arrived as seven years ago. He still kept the veneer of it up, but he was no longer the boy who needed to fight Drake to prove his worth as Bruce’s son.

Now he just waited for Drake to embarrass himself by passing out after staying up for far too long surviving on caffeine and energy drinks. Much easier.

And Drake didn’t ever seem as eager to blackmail and fight as Damian ever had, so he figured a small amount of vulnerability was a proper thank you for his discretion in finding Marinette.

Tim just took another grimacing sip of the cold coffee. “Man. In that case, even happier for you that you’re shrugging off yet another of the Child Assassin School’s upsetting and frankly terrible rules. Though as for the dying thing, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter as long as you don’t actively die now that you have the mark.”

Damian shrugged. “Irrelevant now, as I will not be dying anytime soon, and neither will she. And she clearly knows that we’re soulmates.”

“Still confused about that,” Tim frowned, looking back at him. “You said there was an electric current between you? Or it felt like that?”

Damian couldn’t stop his hand from twitching, the memory of it clear enough to feel. “Yes. I don’t understand it myself either.”

“I’ll search around. See if anything comes up.” Tim handed him a pile of papers. “Here, the info you wanted on her itinerary, plus things I thought would be pertinent without going over whatever line you seem to have drawn.”

Damian took them, and very begrudgingly said, “Thank you,” before ducking out of the room.

He waited until he was back in his own room before flicking through them, finding the trip schedule and the hotel rooms listed, the names of her class and teachers, and finally a list of her accomplishments and a copy of the paper that had won her class the trip, authored by her.

He read through it, noting the names of her classmates and their own community efforts, and the way her own section in the paper was minuscule compared to both each other persons section and the list of accomplishments Drake had drafted.

One classmate had, if no less written than than any other person, a distinctly different tone to what Marinette had written, and most of her community building and service events were merely echoes or assisting what another person had done. Damian shrugged it off, as there were sometimes people who simply tagged along, and never put their own effort out there. Followers, and not leaders.

All in all, he found himself more intrigued than ever about her.

TAGLIST:

@the-fusionist @rebecarojas07 @lowandco @kotaleartzu @resignedcatservant @alenee13 @mystery-5-5 @ladybug-182 @actual-disaster-human @loysydark @rumbelle18 @magic-miraculous @vixen-uchiha @athena452 @mochegato @ash-amg @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @thestressmademedoit @sassakitty @doriebell @jessigurl-design @emotionalsupportginger @kceedraws @kuroko26 @moonystars14 @toodaloo-kangaroo @myazael @theatreandcomicfreak @mer-mel @dahjokester @northernbluetongue @area51qt @renscorpio @redscarlet95 @razzledazzle247 @rosep16 @tired-butterfly @catthhay @shamefullove @imanerddealwith @chaosace @captainmac6 @bigpicklebananatree @abrx2002 @cici-schnee @multplelifes @shreky-boi @purple-people-eaters-productions @crazylittlemunchkin @weird-pale-blonde-person

[aion-rsa]

Critters: The Making of a Comedy Horror Cult Classic

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Rupert Harvey knew he was on to something with Critters after one memorable test screening.  Specifically, it was the scene where the Critters, who had already been terrorizing the Brown family, were standing on the doorstep of the family’s home talking in their guttural language with subtitles translating for the audience…until one of them is blown to gooey bits by a shotgun blast (wielded by none other than E.T. mom Dee Wallace), and the other lets out a subtitled “Fuck.”

“It totally destroyed the audience,” Harvey recalls. “They just howled. We lost the next scene because they were laughing so hard and I thought: ‘Okay, this is probably going to work.’” 

It had already taken a lot of work for Critters to get this far. 

Bringing Critters to Life

Released on April 11, 1986, the horror comedy about a small town and farm-dwelling family under attack from little furry space aliens with a taste for human flesh was unfairly dismissed by some as a Gremlins knock-off. 

But that did a disservice to the unique tone of Critters; a sci-fi comedy featuring belly laughs alongside genuine moments of terror. A film that owed as much to 1950s sci-fi B-movies as it did anything else, with its tale of picturesque Americana under attack from aliens. 

It also overlooks the film’s quirkier narrative aspect like the pair of shapeshifting alien bounty hunters who arrive on Earth to hunt the Critters down, with one of them assuming the form of a popular Jon Bon Jovi-esque rock musician. 

This surreal sci-fi tone, coupled with the copious violence, occasional bad language, and general unpredictability of it all helped give Critters the feel of a rebellious younger brother to the more mature Gremlins.  

To many, it was the cooler, edgier movie and one that boasted underlying themes that remain universal to this day. 

More importantly, the accusation of imitation was incorrect. If the two films were related, it wasn’t by design with screenwriter Brian Dominic Muir first writing the script for Critters back in 1982, two years before Joe Dante’s film hit cinemas.  

“I don’t think I saw Gremlins until we were in post-production,” Harvey, who produced Critters and worked on two of its three original sequels, tells Den of Geek. “It was certainly not something we were thinking about very much at the time, if at all. 

We were dealing with very different creatures and the fact that they were so different in concept meant I wasn’t terribly bothered by it. Gremlins were these mythical, earthbound, magical beings whereas Critters were extraterrestrial. People who say there are similarities are just influenced by the fact Gremlins was such a huge success, but it was a much bigger budget movie.” 

Muir’s script didn’t see the light of day for nearly three years before he showed it to friend and fellow budding filmmaker Stephen Herek who developed it further. That was where Harvey came in. 

The three men met while working on Android, a distinctive low budget sci-fi film Harvey was producing alongside independent movie trailblazer Roger Corman.  

“Brian gave me Critters to read and l loved it,” Harvey recalls. “It was an archetypal American story about foreigners invading the homeland. It’s quite prescient given the current state of politics in America. There was this quintessentially American setup with this almost pioneering family struggling through adversity to come out the other side.” 

35 years on, that notion of protecting the homeland is one Harvey feels is reflected in the inward-looking politics increasingly prominent in America and the UK today. That sentiment was already bubbling under the surface when Critters came out in the Reagan-era of the 1980s.

“It was novel to look at that then through the lens of Critters,” he says. “No one was seeing the film in those terms but that human fear of outsiders coming in has always been there and has been a fundamental part of cinema and drama since forever.” 

Harvey agreed to develop the film under his production company, Sho Films. Though he mulled over an offer to produce a low budget version of Critters with Corman, everything changed when Bob Shaye and New Line Cinema came calling. 

Writing Critters

“New Line was really a mom-and-pop operation at that point. They hadn’t made A Nightmare on Elm Street yet. They weren’t the New Line of today, but Bob offered to double our budget, so I did the deal.” 

Even so, Shaye took some convincing on the choice of director. 

Herek would go on to helm Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, and a string of big budget Disney movies in the years that followed but had never directed prior to Critters, having previously worked as an editor. 

“Stephen, to his credit, even though he had no leverage other than a script we wanted to make, absolutely insisted that nobody would direct it but him and if he didn’t it wouldn’t get made,” Harvey says. “He stuck to his guns and there was never any shift in that position on Brian’s side. I had to convince Bob on several occasions to go ahead with us and, even during production, to actually stick with Steve. But we were all very glad that he did.” 

On the writing side, Harvey enlisted Sho Films’ in-house writer Don Opper. A fellow Roger Corman acolyte, Opper had written and starred in Android where he also worked with Herek and Muir. 

He was seen as the ideal candidate to work alongside Herek after Muir became unwell. 

“Brian, unfortunately, became quite ill not long after we started making Critters,” Harvey says. 

Muir was reportedly battling Hodgkin’s disease at the time. Though he recovered, the writer, who often wrote under the pseudonym August White for Full Moon Entertainment later in his career, sadly died from cancer aged 48 in 2010.  

“He was a very sweet, nice man,” Harvey recalls. “In Brian’s absence, Don worked with Stephen on polishing the script. One of the ways was to enhance the family and their relationships.” 

By then the distinctive looking Opper had also been cast in the pivotal role of Charlie McFadden, the town drunk and a conspiracy theorist convinced the fillings in his teeth are picking up signals from outer space.  

Like a cross between Randy Quaid’s deranged pilot from Independence Day and Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, Charlie would eventually emerge as a fan favorite, appearing in each of the three Critters sequels. 

He was one of several quirky locals introduced early on in Critters with much of the first third of the film dedicated to establishing the Brown family, their farm, and the characters of the fictional Kansas town of Grover’s Bend where the Critters land.  

In one picture postcard scene of the perfect nuclear family, the Browns gather round the breakfast table in a primary colored kitchen, blissfully unaware of the approaching danger and disruption to follow. 

That slow build-up may be less commonplace today, but it’s something Harvey believes was crucial to the success of the film. 

“That was one of the things that appealed to me about the script,” he says. “If you set that up properly and the audience is in there with you. They gain an understanding of the family dynamic right away and they are engaged. It helps you then feel for each one of them subsequently…The rules are the same, and they have been since the first Greek dramas; storytelling is still about humans and the human condition. Just making stuff about what the monsters are doing has no appeal.” 

Critters came during a time when horror comedies were commonplace in multiplexes.

“Studios started to notice in test screenings that the audience response was often bigger when you capped a scare or moment of high tension with a bit of wit or humor,” Harvey explains. 

Post-screening surveys bore this out; using humor to emphasize or punctuate a terrifying moment drew a bigger response from the audience. Regardless of the visceral impact of the scare itself. It made it more memorable to viewers.

The Cast of Critters

It helped that Critters boasted an impressive cast to bring the script to life.  

Blade Runner’s M. Emmet Walsh appeared as the grouchy local sheriff while Dee Wallace, who had starred in E.T. only a few years earlier, was also convinced to sign on as the Brown family matriarch Helen. Billy “Green” Bush was cast as the hardworking man of the house Jay Brown with Nadine van der Velde as his high school teen daughter April. 

Despite some impressive names, Harvey ranks the casting of future Party of Five and ER star Scott Grimes in the role of mischievous central teenage protagonist Brad Brown as the most significant. It’s Scott who first discovers the Critters and Scott that begins to fight back against them using his slingshot and potent firecrackers coming off like a hellish Kevin McCallister from Home Alone. 

“Scott was tailor-made for the role,” Harvey says. “He was at the center of the craziness and he had the audience’s sympathy and support because no one was paying attention to him.” 

For all the acting talent on display, however, much of the movie’s success rested on the tiny shoulders of a few hedgehog-like puppets. 

“The biggest challenge was making the Critters appear to be a viable threat as the antagonists,” Harvey says. “We were really fortunate that we found the Chiodo Brothers.” 

A trio of siblings who specialized in stop motion and animatronic work, the Chiodos were relative newcomers to the movie business and would go on to projects like Elf and Team America: World Police. 

“We knew from the script we were dealing with a fur ball that got around fast by rolling around and was all teeth and voracious,” Harvey says. “That was the extent of the design parameters. They came up with the drawings and the details as to how they would work.”

Harvey cites the Critters’ distinctive, almost limbless design as both a blessing and a curse.  

“From a construction and manipulation point of view, they were relatively straightforward,” he says. “But from an action perspective, there was not a lot you could do with them.” 

While other projects, like New Line’s later Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, would struggle with glitchy animatronics, there were no such problems with the Chiodos’ creations with each running impressively well thanks to a crack team behind the scenes.

“Even though the Critters were fairly simple creatures, there were times for some of those shots, when we had 10 guys running different cables and things to them to get them right,” Harvey recalls. “They had eye movement, mouth movement, lip movement even their little arms and legs move because these things needed to look as believable as possible. But it was still tough to make these things that rolled around something scary and frightening rather than cute and laughable.” 

That was where Billy Zane came in. A good horror villain needs a good victim. Cast in the role of April’s unsuspecting boyfriend Steve Eliot, the then unknown Zane ended up falling afoul of the Critters in arguably the film’s standout gory death after encountering the furry fiends while enjoying a makeout session in the family’s barn. 

“It was the first thing he’d ever done. I think he’d arrived in L.A. a week before,” Harvey says, recalling how uncomfortably hot that barn scene was for everyone involved. “It was 100 degrees in the barn. He had little furry creatures stuck to his stomach and was covered in fake blood. It was so hot and sticky. We stayed there for the whole day, getting all the inserts and various other bits and pieces to make the scene…But that setup in the claustrophobic space of the barn helped to make the scene much scarier because we could set it up in a kind of way that made the punchline, the payoff, much more visceral.” 

The Bounty Hunters

For all the machinations of the Critters themselves, it’s their pursuers from outer space, the two faceless bounty hunters, who almost steal the show.

Especially after one decides to take the form of fictional hair metal superstar Johnny Steele, the singer of “Power of the Night” a song so pitch-perfectly cheesy, you had to wonder if Steele is a real artist rather than musical theater actor Terrence Mann. 

“I went to see Terrence who was appearing in Cats on Broadway. He’d been suggested by a friend and was seriously interested in doing the film,” Harvey says. “We had a friend in New York who was in the music business and had a recording studio. He put together some tracks and we created this imaginary band that he stole the identity of the lead singer from.” 

Despite some striking similarities to artists of the time, Harvey insists Johnny Steele wasn’t set up as a deliberate lampooning of any one artist.

“The band was generically inspired by particular bands of the time,” he says. “There wasn’t any one group or individual. We were post punk and before real heavy metal. There was more of a glam goth influence.” 

Teaming up with Charlie and Brad, the bounty hunters eventually destroy the Critters though it comes at a cost to the Browns, with the family home blown-up in the process. It was a powerful symbol of the way these invaders had shattered their lives but not their spirit. Unfortunately, New Line Cinema didn’t like it as an ending. 

“Bob wanted it changed so that the house was rebuilt in the end but I was against it so we had a few arguments about that, but it was Bob’s money, and we did it and it came out very successfully.” 

Shaye and New Line would occasionally prove tricky customers, with Harvey often forced to traverse the familiar pitfalls of independent filmmaking.

“We were in production and things were really tough and there was one point in time when Bob and I sat down in the trailer and he explained to me some things that I won’t go into,” Harvey says.  “Things were very tricky for a week or two financially, but they sorted themselves out. That was a typical attribute of an independent movie. ‘Oh God you’re spending $150,000 dollars a day, can you spend $100,000?’. Not unheard of but no fun at the time.” 

For all the trials and tribulations of the film, cast, and Critters themselves, however, he has fond memories of working on the film.

“We weren’t stuck in Los Angeles in some smoke-filled space,” he said. “The set was built on Newhall Ranch, this huge bucolic area of land outside of L.A and there we were for five weeks shooting in relatively hot temperatures.” 

Critters Sequels and What’s Next

After a quick turnaround in editing, Critters was released in cinemas, proving to be a hit with over $13 million made at the box office off a budget of $3 million. This kind of success made sequels inevitable.

Though Harvey was unavailable for the second film, he returned for the third and fourth movies, which were filmed back-to-back and released direct to video.

“By then video cassettes were a huge component to New Line’s early success and helped finance the Nightmare on Elm Street and Critters sequels and all of the other movies that they then started making in order to become the powerhouse they became,” Harvey says. “I think it funded something like 40 to 40 to 50 percent of New Line production for that period of time.”

Harvey was initially hesitant to get involved, citing Shaye’s wishes to make the sequels for even less money than the first film. However, he ultimately relented after agreeing to film them back-to-back.

Harvey has mixed feelings about the two sequels, particularly the third movie, which he had conceived as being “much darker and much more violent” than what eventually made it to the screen.

“I wanted to do a George Romero homage for the third film,” he says. “I was very much interested in the claustrophobia of the tenement building in New York City, that kind of atmosphere. Boy, did it ever turn out differently.”

Having also agreed to direct the fourth film, which was set in space and wrap up the franchise, he found himself too busy to oversee work on the third movie.

“It was different. I didn’t have as much to do with Critters 3 because I was directing the fourth film. We were shooting back to back. We had a week down in between the two. All the time we were shooting Critters 3 I was prepping Critters 4.”

While the fourth film featured both a young Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif on top scene-chewing form, the third entry has become among the most noted in the years since thanks to the presence of a young Leonardo DiCaprio in the main role.

“It’s the movie that shall remain nameless on Leo DiCaprio’s resume,” Harvey jokes.

He doesn’t have a lot of memories about DiCaprio on set though there was already a sense he was destined for big things.

“One day he told me he needed some time off. He had to go and audition for this movie. After he came back I asked ‘How did it go?’ and he said ‘Robert De Niro is really great’. he’d been off auditioning for This Boy’s Life…And of course, when he did that movie, it was like, ‘Holy shit. Well, where was that actor when we were making Critters 3?’” 

While Leo is unlikely to return to the Critters franchise anytime soon, Harvey, who had no involvement in a recent TV revival, believes that there is life in the old furballs yet.

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“It’s not a franchise that’s going to go away,” he says cryptically. “Whatever comes next needs to be something that is responsive to contemporary sources. I can’t really say too much about it, because nothing is final. All I can tell you is that I don’t think this is the end.”

The post Critters: The Making of a Comedy Horror Cult Classic appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[0ae0]

The Gods are Confusion

The Duat. Various gods are in a huddle, staring down at Japan

Hathor: Why… is this… what did you say its name was again?

Thoth: *flicking through files* Medjed?

Hathor: Right, right. Why does Medjed have a cult now?

Thoth: You know… I really don’t kn-

Hathor: Does anybody know who he is?! I mean has anyone even met this guy?! Is he one of yours, Thoth?

Thoth: I have never seen this thing in my afterlife

Bes: Maybe you’ve just forgotten him? Thoth: How dare you! I would ne-

Osiris: [sheepishly, from the back] I uh… I think he’s one of mine

Seth: Well can you go and get him back?

Osiris: well I'd love to Seth but someone got me stuck in the underworld and I’m a little bit ~tied up SETH

Seth: Well I’m not doing it. I’ve seen the… pictures some of them make of me

Sobek: Horus should go Horus: What?! Why me? Sobek: Technically you’d be second-in-command

* murmurs of agreement *

Horus: Listen, that guy worked for dad in the underworld. I’ve never even been down there. Make Anubis do it.

Anubis: Oh, so the dog has to go play fetch?

Isis: That’s… I don’t think-

Anubis: Besides, same problem as Seth. I’ve seen those drawings. No thank you.

Seth: Honestly it’s pretty disturbing

Anubis: ...we could send Bes? Nobody is into Bes, right?

Bes: AT LEAST I DON’T SNIFF BUTTS, NUBIE

Anubis: Sorry what was that? I can’t hear you all the way down there

Bes: Don’t push it, dog-breath

Isis: OKAY. FINE. Let’s just send Sekhmet. Eye of Ra and all that

Sobek: Aren’t you also an Eye of Ra?

*awkward silence*

Isis: So… Sekhmet? Hathor: Are you SERIOUS? Have you forgotten what happened the last time she got sent down there?

Sekhmet: When are you going to let that go

Hathor: YOU ALMOST WIPED OUT THE HUMAN RACE

Sekhmet: Yeah and I came back with the hangover of the millennia. Do you really think-

Hathor: Thoth was backed-up with heart weighings for a MONTH

Sobek: Hey! Wait a minute! Thoth works in HR! He even has Medjed’s file! He should go! Nobody else here with legs - no offence Osiris Osiris: None taken

Sobek: Nobody else even knows who he is, right? It makes sense for Thoth to do it

Thoth: Not my department

Sobek: Not you- YOU ARE HR. THAT IS YOUR ENTIRE DEPARTMENT.

Thoth: Take it up with the complaints department

Sobek: I… what complaints department? Who’s in charge of complaints? Thoth: ...me

Bes: We could send Ammit?

Bastet: Doesn’t seem wise, considering what they’ve done to Medjed. Ammit is pure monster cult bait. Can’t risk it. How embarrassing would it be if Ammit ended up with a cult

Ammit: I’m right here, you know

Bastet: ...can you be somewhere else? Okay look. I have a whole bunch of messengers. I’ll just send those down.

Isis: Your ‘messengers’ are called The Slaughterers of Bastet Bastet: Yes? Anubis: They have knives

Bastet: And? Hathor: their only message is “CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR DEMISE!!!!”

Bastet: Still not seeing your point, here

Anubis: They don’t have the authority to collect a fellow divinity, Bas. You know that.

Bastet: Okay look i'm just saying Medjed can't have a cult if the cult is dead and unlike my sister I can actually control them and not cause the apocalypse

Sekhmet: Are ANY of you going to drop that?

Horus: I… you know she does actually have a point

Sobek: Means none of us have to go down there

Isis: Hmm… we could send Imhotep? He is a deity now and they know him. He was in that film.

Hathor: Absolutely not - his ego is big enough as it is. If he makes an actual appearance down there we’ll never hear the end of it.

Spongebob narrator voice “several months later”

*continued bickering over who should retrieve Medjed* Bes: Uh, guys? *more bickering*

Bes: GUYS??? *still bickering*

Bes: HEY EVERYONE RA IS COMING

*sudden silence*

Bes: Heh. Works every time. Seriously though… what is going on over there? *points to America*

Thoth: Are those… costumes?

Sobek: Looks like it

Thoth: They’re placing sheets of linen over their heads. With holes cut out.

Sobek: Apparently

Thoth: To imitate Medjed

Sobek: Hey I know as much as you do, buddy

Bes: Medjed has a FESTIVAL now? SOME OF US DON’T EVEN HAVE FESTIVA - wait isn’t this a different place to before? Horus: Oh yeah! Huh. The other stuff was waaaaaaaaay over there *pointing to Japan*

Bastet: nononnoonono this has gone TOO far. I TOLD you we should have gone with murder!

Isis: Okay while I agree with you here that this... thing gaining a cult like this is an embarrassment, there might be a positive here... Anubis: HOW?! H O W is this a good thing Issy?!

Hathor: It’s finally happened she’s finally gone insane Isis: *glaring at Hathor* None of us have been that popular in... a really long time Seth: Speak for yourself Isis: Oh, shut up. Nobody even knows what your face is supposed to be! Horus: haha owned Isis: Anyway if this... pipsqueak gets big enough he can... you know... *gestures in the direction of the throne room* take a seat? Hmm?

extended silence, shuffling 

Sekhmet: You know, I don't hate the idea

Seth: What do you all think i've been TRYING to do this whole time hmmm? I haven't been talking to them for the stimulating conversation! Isis: Yeah, again with the face thing. What are you supposed to be anyway? A depressed anteater? Seth: I AM A SETH ANIMAL 

Bastet: Oh come on that's not even a thing 

Seth: It is so a thing! I happen to be the only one 

Bastet: Suuuure buddy. Whatever helps you look in the mirror 

Seth: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. But guys, I was making progress down there! You gotta back me up on this one. You want THIS thing to be the boss? None of you even know who he is! Except Osiris and he can't even move by himself, no offence 

Osiris: none take- HEY! That was your fault! 

Bastet: Thoth knows who he is 

Thoth: I know who everybody is that's my job however sometimes I do wish I didn't know who any of you are 

Bastet: Wow. Who pissed in your beer? 

Thoth: Anubis 

Anubis: ONE TIME! That was ONE TIME! 

Thoth: AND WHAT DO YOU THINK THE IDEAL NUMBER OF TIMES TO PISS IN A MAN'S BEER IS, ANUBIS?! 

Isis: BACK. TO. THE. POINT. Medjed is, somehow, doing an excellent job down the- YES SETH BETTER THAN YOU. I think I'm actually okay with it. 

Sekhmet: He is kind of cute 

Seth: Oh, and I'm not? 

Isis: AGAIN with the FACE

Osiris: *mumbling* and nobody thinks he’s evil

Isis: I believe they’re using the word “uwu” which doesn’t seem to denote any danger

Anubis: Please don’t use that word in my presence

Seth: THEY KEEP DEPICTING HIM WITH A KNIFE. A KNIFE 

Osiris: Yeah but in, like, a really adorable way

Seth: Oh so when the little runt runs around with a knife he's "adorable" but when I do it I'm a "traitor" and a "murderer"

Isis: You know maybe if you also put a sheet over your head…

Seth: Can you shut up about my face, please

Isis: Maybe if it wasn’t so stupid

Bastet: awww he is really cute though look at him running around with his little knife! Oh, look! He just tripped over his own linens how adorable

Anubis: I... think that was a human child 

Bastet: Oh yes you may be right. Well, I say we just leave him. Like Isis said.

Some time later, Medjed sits on a giant throne in the Duat, happily swinging his legs.

---

by: @somecunttookmyurl 

Main document access

from: this conversation

[shorkbrian]

INBOX

SO! I know I hoard asks. It’s a bad habit. Reasons?

I like to go look at them when I’m sad because they cheer me up.

I don’t want anyone to get annoyed that my blog is clogged up with asks, it’s a fear of mine that someone will think I'm annoying.

BUTT! My inbox is so cluttered right now, It’s hard for me to find certain requests. I saw someone else do an mass ask answering like this, and I LEARNED that if I tag it, I can look that tag up on my blog!

ALSO PSA you can also comment on my pics or message me to talk!!!!! I will never turn anyone away!!! I love you all!

ANOTHER PSA - if you want to not have to see this in the future, pls block the tag “shorkbrian answers a lot of asks”

Lets get ready to rumble!!!!!!!

These are in no particular order! Know that if you don’t see an ask you sent, it’s because I plan on writing something for it, probably like a lil Drabble cause those are my favorite (can you tell?)

Hello! My pronouns are They/Them or He/Him! I want to like give u a big ole hug for this question, You’re super sweet!

OOP Okay listen I’ve had a couple dreams with very unsavory happenings and each one is awful and so so scary. I hope your dream didn’t make you feel icky or anything dude. I Lub u, stay safe.

I am speechless. This is.... wow man. This is an amazing, positive review of my work and I feel so blessed and honored that you took the time to message me. I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading what people think of my work, and this one made me just like. I am like so blessed dude. Speechless (in the best way possible)

AHHHHH Thank you!!!! Look at those emojis!!!! SO bright and colorful and fun!!!!

As a fellow Hornee person that is dumb, I would like to say...... Why stop at a chefs kiss? are you afraid to kiss me on the mouth, homie? For future reference, I like tongue. (asdaslhjkah sorry I’m stupid but Thank you for these kind words!!!! What nice descriptors man, I’m like wilting under the praise its too much!)

Yes, reader is NOT going to have a fun time. Thanks for reading! I appreciate your support so so so much!!

Hey, listen! Requests are “closed” so I can have time to catch up without getting overwhelmed. If one or two slip in, they won’t get deleted :)

Bro, I recently talked to a friend with a similar experience. I’m so sorry for the things you’ve had to deal with, it sounds awful. The world is big and scary and VERY loud, and you are so amazing for navigating it. Bakugou would give you insane cuddles to help u feel better, remember dat okie?

Maybe! I’m getting around to things babey, it might take a hot second. But I will try!

Thank you! I try babey I try lol. I Lub u by the way thank u for msging me

I accept this wisdom. Thank you for sharing. I pray for a time when I will be able to use it.

You nailed it. I want this on my tombstone pls and thank u.

omg omg thank youuuuuuuu!!!!! Honestly, I think Izuku is still so so so shy, even when it comes to doing stuff with his darling.  ugh his poor darling. Ur right tho, no one would ever believe that Izuku was doing bad stuff. But once again!!! Thank YOU for reading and taking the time to send me an ask!!!! Warms my heart

wait wait okay I LOVE LOVE LOVE Kirishima I am his BIGGEST simp and this compliment? SENT ME TO OUTER SPACE. I squealed so hard I got like liftoff and I made it out of the atmosphere. This is the BEST thing EVER Thank you SO much my heart is POURING out love Grimm I would DIE for u no cap 

idk? Personally, I hate being touched so I probably would politely be like “Pls dont ahah” but I would hit him with paper airplanes with cute little notes inside.

I wish I wish with all my heart that I could turn into a small person tonight. Like, I'm crying. I am 6′0 and built like a refrigerator aint nobody able to manhandle me... *sobs in big man syndrome* I will continue to feed u tho bc it is a GIANT fantasy of mine to be manhandled and tossed around. lets goooooo

I don’t want to be a religion, can we start a cult? I’ll be the sacrifice.

bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk TOO LATE (Also thank ant the comment abc my humor! Inspires me and tbh enables me)

no U 

“hey google?”

“What can I help you with today?”

“Why do I have the SWEEEEEEETEST followers ever? How did this happen? They make me blush I can’t handle it”

I have a SIMP???????? Come off anon u and I are going to talk and then passionately kiss. (not rlly but I do Lub you, thank you for the kind and gentle words)

bonk bonk bonk bonk (Also this was sent to me on a Sunday? I live in America bruv)

Pls don’t I almost peed my pants I was snorting at 2am and trying my hardest not to disturb my cat it was very hard (Repeat I almost PEED my PANST U HEATHEN)

wait stop stop u always give me such amazing comments skid I want to give u a candle made with wax and tears of love. You are so sweet. Pls never hesitate to reach out for a chat I luv u okei

BLACK HEART ANON I’m dedicating everything in my will to u, hope you know that. Okay, but seriously - I get being afraid of people. I don’t think you’re being hypocritical, I think you’re being kind and selfless and reaching out a helping hand to a loser like me. Black heart emojis low-key always make me think of you now and it fills my heart with warmth. Thank you for existing dude,

What have I said about the chefs kiss? Kiss me on the mouth u cowards. Do it.

Also this ask made me SAWFT I want to gibe u like idk a candy heart necklace to show how SOFT and Ugh demonstrate my LUB

I am glad I found YOU!!! Not everyone bothers to comment or interact or send me nice asks. They make my day man. You rock!

YYaaaayyyyaa!!! I’m cool with all the canon characters of BNHA except for Bakubro. I adore his fanon personification, but just how he acts in the show..... that aint it chief. I totally get u

TYSM!!!! Heart heart!! Aizawa has the potential to be so creepy and awful, he’s super interesting to try and write for! I’m glad you like my content, and thank you for telling me such!!!!!!!! LUB U

GRIMMM STAWWWWWWP I’m like on the verge of like melting into a PUDDLE of goopy admiration how the heck do u even know my blog ur so cool and I still can’t believe I can like.... talk to you. Ur rad dude.

BLACK HEARTTTTTTT You are never invading my privacy. Your asks are two that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I reread them over and over and they help when I’m having sucky days. Pls pls pls recognize that you’re an amazing person and you lift up my spirits and you are genuinely awesome. I love u Black Heart

I LOVE Kiri, have I mentioned? He’s my fav. And yes!!! I am VERY open to ideas!!!! Love pretty much everything and anything that comes my way!!! thank u for sending me an ask dude, means a lot :)

Sensitive anon, my dear dear friend if ur reading this know that I adore talking with u and I like hearing about ur day and You are so sweet and you make the world a better place by being in it

WE SIMP...... TOGETHER!!!!

Another beautiful baby that I always see interacting with me!!! I love you so so much and Each time your name pops up in my motifs I get so excited to see what you say!!! I’ve been holding onto this ask FOREVER because the little picture is SO CUTE and it makes me softer than melted butter man.

Okay, we’ve done it lads! I love each and every one of you!!!!!!!

[ratingtheframe]

Lights, camera, lockdown! All the films I watched at home this November.

Last month, the UK went on a one month down lockdown, causing cinemas to shut and new releases to be put on hold.

In fact, Christopher Nolan’s Tenet was the only multi million dollar film to be released this year. It’s painful to think that Dune was supposed to be released almost two weeks from now and that we have to wait several months to see the sci fi film hit screens. Despite the post poned releases and closing of cinema chains, there are still some great films I hadn’t seen and used last month as an opportunity to look into them. Even though I didn’t see as much as I did in October, the quality of the films I managed to see this month is high.

His House (2020) as seen on Netflix

Starting off reasonably well with this horror brought to you by Netflix that centers the life around two immigrants and a spirit haunting the new lives they’re trying to build in the UK. It’s certainly a new perspective that I haven’t seen in horror and definitely isn’t a film for the fainted hearted for some of the scenes in this are genuinely terrifying. The overall message was thought provoking and poignant as it sort of spoke for those who’ve lost their lives attempting to seek asylum and those whoa are still struggling to find a new home.

His House is available to watch on Netflix. Score: 9/10  

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight (2020) as seen on Netflix 

Definitely one of the most surprisingly good films I watched this month, Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight is a classic Netflix horror from Poland. The film follows a group of Polish teenagers addicted to social media who are sent to a camp to curb their addiction. However, when on a hike through the woods, one of the teens goes missing and without a phone to call for help, the kids are forced to face two grotesque monsters feeding upon humans. From start to finish, this film was highly entertaining and had a good structure to it. There were no gimmicks or cliches and it’s definitely a film I’d recommend to just about anyone. 

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight is available to watch on Netflix. 

Score: 10/10

The Ring (2002) as seen on BBC iPlayer

Gore Verbinski’s (A Cure for Wellness, Pirates of the Caribbean) infamous horror is a cult classic and must watch for scary movie fans. Usually horror films can be too gimmicky and borderline cringey without an ounce of substance to them. However, The Ring is surprisingly good in that it possesses a deep narrative with three dimensional characters, good acting and wonderful direction. When a journalist’s (Naomi Watts) niece dies in unknown circumstances, she embarks on a journey to discover a horrifying tape that if watched, kills you in a week’s time. The box office sales for this film speaks for itself seeing as the film made nearly $130 million when it was released back in 2002. The Ring is certainly not for the faint hearted, so if horror isn’t your thing, I’d advise you stay well away from it. 

Score: 9/10 

Misery (1990) as seen on Netflix

Stephen King’s Misery is turned into an unsettling thriller starring Kathy Bates and James Caan. Author Paul Sheldon (James Caan) ends up getting caught in a snow storm, that seems his car veer off the road, leaving him in a critical state. However, a seemingly caring and selfless woman, Annie (Kathy Bates) takes him in, using her work as a nurse to care for him. It turns out that Annie is a super fan of Paul’s work and the care she has for him soon turns nasty and sadistic, leaving Paul in a panicked state for he is in the middle of nowhere with a practical psychopath. I wouldn’t say Misery is one of best adaptations of King’s novels. There are better pieces of work by Stephen King that have been made into movies such as IT, The Green Mile and 1922. The pace was quite slow and the fact that it took place in only one settling detracted from the progression of the film. However, it’s entertaining, well cast and had a decent story to it. 

Score: 7/10

Drive (2011) as seen on Amazon Prime 

Drive is 1000% one of the best films I’ve seen this year, in my entire life in fact. It’s incredibly bold, ambitious, vivid, subtle and heart wrenching at moments. A stunt driver (Ryan Gosling) is torn between the world of crime he partakes in and the love he has for a young woman (Carey Mulligan) that lives in the apartment next door to his. The subtlety and sensitivity that both Gosling and Mulligan brought to this film was so pure and authentic to their characters, whilst bringing an underlying sadness to the entirety of the film. By the end of the film you want to cry but aren’t sure why and these sorts of films are rare to find. The sound track and SFX in this are unreal, again adding to the confirmation that this film is one of a kind.

Score: 12/10 

Time (2020) as seen on Amazon Prime

I was delighted to see Amazon Prime had put this straight onto their service seeing as I’d missed out on Time during the London Film Festival two months ago. This is one of the most moving and deep pieces of work I’ve seen this year. Time is a documentary filmed over 20 years that details the life of a woman trying to seek justice for her husband who was put in prison for life for armed robbery. Not only is she fighting for her husband, but also her four sons, two of which weren’t even born when their father was put away in jail. Fox Rich lives in Louisiana, one of America’s toughest states when it comes to the criminal justice system. Sentences are of some of the highest in the entire country and are especially harsher to people of colour. Fox and her husband took the fatal and desperate decision to rob a bank in a bid to support their business and family. This drastic choice took Fox’s husband away from his family and for 2 decades, Fox spent time trying to get her husband out of jail. The thing that moved me the most about this documentary was her sons; four beautiful, smart and driven men who grew up without a father. It made me wonder how proud Fox must be of her kids and to see her fight for her husband and remain loyal to him is enough love to last two lifetimes. 

Time is available to watch on Amazon Prime now.

Score: 10/10

The Departed (2006) as seen on DVD

Throughout this two and a half hour film I was wondering how they had managed to get Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Alec Baldwin and Mark Wahlberg to do a film together. And the answer is that this epic and high profile movie was directed by the infamous Martin Scorsese. It’s a mystery why I hadn’t seen this film sooner, seeing as it was a huge hit during its release making a staggering $291 million worldwide during its release. This is definitely DiCaprio’s best film (next to Revolutionary Road and The Revenant) and his performance was incredibly punchy and strong throughout. Everyone in this film was top class and the dialogue fitted well with each character with a natural story progression throughout. A top notch, Hollywood, must watch film.

Score: 10/10 

Murder by Numbers (2002) as seen on Amazon Prime

One of Ryan Gosling’s earliest films follows two high school students committing a sadistic murder simply to see just how it feels. Detective Cassie Mayweather (Sandra Bullock) is put on the case to solve the murder and quickly pieces the case together, leading her to Richard Haywood (Ryan Gosling) and Justin Pendleton (Michael Pitt) two students at the same high school. I wouldn’t say this film was bad, however the ending played a big part in the overall quality of the film. It had a good pace and characters, however the ending definitely let down the film for it was rushed and unaligned to the rest of the film. Ryan Gosling’s performance at the tender age of 22 was pretty decent and definitely stated to everyone else his ability as an actor for years to come. 

Score: 7/10

All Good Things (2010) as seen on Amazon Prime

As you can tell by now, I went on a Ryan Gosling whip this month. All Good Things is the true story of David Marks (Ryan Gosling), whose wife Katie (Kirsten Dunst) disappears and still to this day, has never been found. Marks was the prime suspect in the disappearance case but was never found guilty and lives a free man. Even though the story was interesting and the performances good, the fact this is a Weinstein Company Film made it hard to watch, especially with the totally unnecessary nudity and sex scenes that put Kirsten Dunst at its forefront. The film lacked a clear resolution and was left completely open ended like the case of Katie Marks, which is understandable, however not when it comes to making a good film.

Score: 6/10

Borat (2006) as seen on Amazon Prime

After finding the second Borat film to be highly entertaining, I decided to watch the first one and was certainly not left disappointed. The first Borat film introduces us to Kazakstan reporter Borat Sagdiyev (Sacha Baron Cohen) and his first visit to America, whilst taking in all the americanisms to report back to his own country. Soon his pursuit turns to Pamela Anderson whose doing a book signing across in California. The comedy has many jaw dropping moments and sees Cohen above and beyond the boundaries of comedy to bring the character of Borat to life.

Score: 10/10

Boy Erased (2018) as seen on Sky Cinema 

If there’s one film worth watching on this list, it’d be Joel Edgerton’s Boy Erased. This film is the product of a real understanding of film language and the ability to make a beautiful and heart felt story. Edgerton is a well known actor, but has taken time to go behind the camera as well as in front of it in this Golden Globe nominated picture starring the likes of Lucas Hedges, Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Troye Sivan, Xavier Dolan and Joe Alwyn. Like HELLO if that cast isn’t making you immediately turn off this site right now to find Boy Erased, then I don’t know what will. The film based on a true story follows Jared Eamons (Lucas Hedges) and his time spent at a gay conversion centre with fellow homosexuals Gary (Troye Sivan) and Jon (Xavier Dolan). Jared’s father (Russell Crowe) is a pastor he and his wife (Nicole Kidman) take their religion rather seriously, which is why Jared has been forced to seek help for his sexuality. It’s a hard concept to swallow, especially in this day and age when most parents, religious or not, are starting to become more acceptable of their children’s sexuality. This film exposes the reality beyond that and how some parents feel their child is damaged by something completely normal and feel the need to seek help for it. Boy Erased is made with sensitivity and beautiful acting from an a class cast. All round, it’s a perfect film.

Score: 11/10

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009) as seen on Amazon Prime

I was a little confused starting this film to see it in Swedish, as I thought I was watching the David Fincher film of the same title. However, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was original a book and the first adapation of it for film was directed by Niels Arden Oplev, two years before Fincher made his version, starring Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig. However, the fact that this version was in Swedish didn’t detract from the thrilling story spun onto screen. The three hour movie follows a journalist whose been hired to solve the mystery of a missing girl who is part of a high profile family. A young female hacker who once hacked the journalist and practically ruined his career, joins him along the way and the pair of them uncover a long string of untold secrets that see blood being split amongst numerous women. It’s one of the best thrillers I’ve ever seen and a must watch if you enjoyed Fincher’s version.

Score: 10/10

Still Alice (2014) as seen on DVD

A highly anticipated film on my part, Still Alice is an arresting and moving film about a mother struggling with on set Alzheimers. Julianne Moore scooped up a Best Actress Award at the Academy Awards in 2015, a Golden Globe and a BAFTA for her performance as Dr Alice Howland and her battle with Alzheimers at the age of 50. Kristen Stewart plays her daughter and Alec Baldwin her husband and their performances are equal to Julianne Moore’s. Overall, this was a touching piece that had soooo much depth to it and yet carried a satisfying simplicity throughout it. 

Score: 10/10

Enemy (2013) as seen on DVD

I heard about Enemy’s synopsis via a YouTube video and was throughly excited to watch it on hearing it was directed by Denis Villeneuve, a master director when it comes to thrillers and sci fi films. Even though Enemy was difficult to fully interpret, I still enjoyed the story and performance Jake Gyllenhaal brought to the table as a man who meets another man that looks exactly like him. There’s some pure mind fuckery that plays throughout the film as you’re left questioning who is this other man or if there are even two men at all. If anything, it’s an exploration of a man having a double life, wrapped up in some sinister secrets and tied between two women. All of Denis Villeneuve’s work is exceptional and Enemy is no different. A must watch for thriller lovers. 

Score: 10/10

A Star is Born (2018) as seen on DVD

Bradley Cooper’s A Star is Born certainly wins the award for making me cry the most this month. The last version I saw of this film starred Judy Garland and James Mason and was centred around a musical actress and the rocky relationship she had with her actor husband. That 1954 version possessed a lot of brilliance and it was easy to compare it to the more modern version starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. Who would’ve thought these two could be such an authentic on screen couple? The songs, the lyrics and the acting that these two brought to this picture was on another level, it was incredible from start to finish. Obviously the fact that this film had been done 4 times before honed the quality of the film, however Bradley Cooper’s direction and ability to bring out the best in Lady Gaga definitely makes this version of A Star is Born the best one yet. This directorial debut was nominated for 8 Academy Awards including Best Picture and Lady Gaga was handed the award for Best Music for a motion picture. Warning: you will cry whilst watching this or at least afterwards. 

Score: 12/10

Sorry to Bother You (2018) as seen on Netflix

Netflix certainly came through this month when it put Boots Riley’s fanatical dark comedy Sorry to Bother You on its streaming service. It’s honestly like nothing I’ve ever seen before and the innuendo and hidden messages within this film make it something that you can watch several times and never get bored of. Cassius Green (Lakeith Stanfield) gets a job as a telemarketer who gets promoted to a “power caller” and through pride and greed, ends up abandoning his ideologies and friends completely. The film speaks for the gentrification of Oakland, California and capitalistic society we live in today. There are many hidden messages amongst the film that at first are hard to decipher, but soon you realise these messages are as clear as day within our own society. Lakeith Stanfield stars alongside Tessa Thompson, Steve Yeun and Armie Hammer, not a cast you’d usually put together but one that certainly worked. Sorry to Bother You is highly entertaining and will definitely make you laugh out loud at points and have you questioning your laughter right after.

Score: 10/10

The Florida Project (2017) as seen on DVD

I’m starting to think that films made between 2017 and 2018 are some of the best ever made and the Florida Project falls into that. I heard about this film through one of my favourite actors and was glad for the recommendation as this film is one of the best I’ve seen all year. The colours and character dynamics are strong and vivid throughout, as we follow the lives of people living on an apartment complex whilst speaking for the child poverty that plagues American society today. Willem Dafoe, who plays the complex’s handy man and security guard, even earned himself a Best Supporting Actor Award at the 2018 Academy Awards. 

Score: 10/10

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind (2014) as seen on DVD 

Usually I’d pass on a Charlie Kaufman film, seeing as they make no sense, however I felt that it was time I delved into this cult classic starring Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey, Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and Elijah Wood. It’s a really well made film with a clear and distinct message to it that’s represented in some phenomenal filmmaking techniques. The plot line of this film follows a man trying to erase a past lover and his memories of her get wiped away physically before your eyes on screen. This film is certainly a conversation starter and one I’d recommend to just about anyone. 

Score: 9/10

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) as seen on DVD

Wes Anderson’s wonderful mind is depicted in this endearing narrative about two children running away from home. This has to one of Wes Anderson’s most iconic films and next to The Grand Budapest Hotel, it’s definitely one of the films you think of when you think of Anderson’s work. His work is known for having well rounded stories, beautiful shots and A List casts, with Moonrise Kingdom being no expection as Anderson manages to squeeze Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Jason Schwartzman, Harvey Kietel and a young Lucas Hedges into this film. If you’ve seen any of Wes Anderson’s work and not Moonrise Kingdom, get on it now. No, seriously, now. 

Score: 10/10 

Jarhead (2005) as seen on DVD

Sam Mendes’ war film starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Jamie Foxx translates the lives of US soldiers in Iraq onto screen and the brain washing their government has done to boost the importance of the US military and the service soldiers are doing to their country. Jake Gyllenhaal’s execution in this film is a reflection of his ability as a great actor. He always has this patient and gritty approach to his work that makes him addicting to watch on screen. There’s an entire video on YouTube about Jake Gyllenhaal’s eyes and the way they communicate his emotions on screen. This is certainly present in Jarhead, as the anger, frustration, disappointment and despair is held within Jake Gyllenhaal’s eyes throughout. Jarhead was originally a memoir written by a US solider named Anthony Swofford. The only thing I wasn’t a fan of was the open ended resolution to the film and the stagnant progression of Jake Gyllenhaal’s character. He literally didn’t achieve anything, which I suppose is the point of the film and how the honour that soldiers who went to Iraq were supposed to feel, is more of a fantasy than a reality. 

Score: 9/10 

Silence (2016) as seen on BBC iPlayer 

This film was truly summit else and a refreshing turn on genre from highly acclaimed filmmaker, Martin Scorsese. Silence certainly proved that he has the ability to be more sensitive with his films and can tells stories outside his usual New York mobster type movies. The film tracks the journey of two Portuguese missionaries (Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver) in the 17th Century who go to Japan looking for one of their mentors (Liam Neeson). However in this era, Christians faced persecution in Japan and were practically slaughtered for not following the country’s religion of Buddhism. The priests’ journey is perilous and heart rendering as they are forced to abandon their own religion in order to save their own lives and the lives of others. Despite the film being just over 160 minutes, it’s an inspiring story and one that is told in a tactful way. To believe this is a film is quite hard, as the accuracy of it makes it closer to reality than just a film itself.

Score: 8/10

Lynn + Lucy (2019) as seen on BBC iPlayer 

This film recently came out in UK cinemas and was put onto BBC iPlayer due to lockdown. I found it to be interesting and enjoyed the new perspective it gave to quite a simple story. Lynn and Lucy have been friends for almost their entire lives, and when Lucy’s baby boy dies in unexplained circumstances, it drives a wedge between her relationship with Lynn, as people in their neighbourhood accuse her of being a child murderer. Eventually, Lynn stats to believe the rumours herself, leaving her best friend behind and favouring the opinions of those who hardly know her. A great debut and British film, Lynn + Lucy is profound story of friendship. 

Score: 8/10

Revolutionary Road (2008) as seen on Netflix 

Revolutionary Road has a metric score of 60% on Rotten Tomatoes, which I find quite offensive as the film nearly falls into the “thanks but no thanks” category of films. Directed by Sam Mendes and starring Kate Winslet alongside Leonardo DiCaprio, I don’t see what’s not to like. I only clocked halfway through the film why DiCaprio had been cast with Kate Winslet (Titanic, duh) and it made their on screen chemistry more prominent for me. I always say this about EVERY SINGLE Leonardo DiCaprio film I watch, but his performance in this was unreeeaaal. His character went somewhere intense and never returned, making the hardship on screen 10 times more powerful. There’s a scene where him and Winslet’s character are in a full blown argument and DiCaprio’s rage was on another level. Incredibly authentic and honest, Revolutionary Road showcases a wonderful example of when two masterful actors come together to make something great. 

Score: 10/10

Hillbilly Elegy (2020) as seen on Netflix 

Hillbilly Elegy recently got torn to shreds by critics as it was released on Netflix the other week, and I half agree with what most are saying about it, but also feel there’s unnecessary criticisms about this film. The film is based on a memoir of a Yale Law student, J.D Vance (Gabriel Basso) who comes from rough beginnings and ends up building the life he so desired from a young age. His mother (Amy Adams) is a destructive drug addict who’s moods change frequently so that she’s constantly at war with her own mother (Glenn Close) and two children (Haley Bennett and Gabriel Basso). The story follows J.D’s return to his home town to claim his mother from a hospital after she over dosed on heroin. The only problem is, he has an interview with a law firm from Washington the following morning and has to choose between taking care of his mother and landing his dream job. Sounds pretty intriguing, right? And it truly is. The film is laced with conflict and great performances from everyone, however critics have blasted this film with hate, saying that it doesn’t ring true to the entire American experience of living in poverty, without healthcare and enough money to bring food to the table. The fact that J.D made it to Harvard and now works for a successful enterprise somehow detracts from his struggle as a child, which I think is complete BS. I think this film should be taken for more face value than as a political story. It’s a straight talking, rags to riches tale that proves with hard work and dedication, you can transform your struggles into success. One critic had the audacity to say that “Selling out your origins is a kind of white trash cosplay because you were lucky enough to get out”. The irony of this is that the critic herself is white and it suggests had JD been a person of colour, it’d made a better film, which isn’t the kind of world where I want to live in when stories of people of colour are used as poverty porn rather than something to enjoy or learn from. My only criticism of this film would be the pace of conflict within the film and how things went from 0-100 waaay too quickly. This can happen in real life, but on screen it tends to look sloppy and rushed.

Score: 9/10 

And that’s it! A rather short list for this month, but as the year draws to a close, I’m just really excited for the new films hopefully hitting screens next year. Seen you soon!

[metalandmagi]

Summer 2020 Anime Worth Watching!

Apparently it’s time for the summer anime season, even though it feels like time is meaningless at this point. But somehow, there are still new shows coming out, so if you’re looking for something to watch when you’re stuck at home, here’s a list of the first impressions I got from this season. I don’t really know if it’s going to be worth it, considering how the spring season delayed so much, but here we are. 

As always, not all of these are available on Crunchyroll, but I’ll put a * next to the ones that are.

And if you’re looking for a bit more variety, I have lists for 2019 and the rest of this year’s seasons too...because remember when there was good anime being released instead of just everything being an ecchi or a second season?

2019 master list

My master list for every season of 2020 anime

New Shows!

*The God of High School: An over the top action anime consisting of one big tournament arc! It follows a group of teenagers competing in the epic “god of high school” martial arts tournament to determine the best fighter in the country. Following in the footsteps of Tower of God, this is the newest “crunchyroll original” that is being adapted from a South Korean webcomic. You can tell from the first episode that this will be a spectacle with crazy characters and lots of wild action and humor!

Great Pretender: When a Japanese con man pickpockets the wrong person, he ends up hopping on a plane to Los Angeles and getting wrapped up in a scheme with a sassy Frenchman named Laurent...who basically runs the mafia. There’s humor, there’s plot, there’s great characters, and it’s kinda gay. It’s an exciting original anime from studio Wit, so the animation is bursting with character, and both the music and the general vibe remind me a lot of Baccano or even Lupin III. And since it takes place in America with several foreign characters, there's hilarious English and accent shenanigans abound! The bad news is it’s still in Netflix jail, so if you want to watch it legally you’re kinda stuck for now. 

Japan Sinks 2020: A giant earthquake hits Japan, and a family must cope with the mayhem together. Because what the hell else could possibly go wrong this year? This is a new series (based on a novel) made by Masaaki Yuasa, the guy behind Ride Your Wave and Walk On Girl, if that tells you anything about the style of this anime. I’ve only watched the first two episodes so far, but I heard it goes from being a gripping realistic disaster series to a balls to the wall adventure. To be honest, disaster shows/movies freak me out, and this one is pretty devastating so far, which is a testament to how well it's made. But I appreciate that they include glimmers of hope when they’re needed. The best moments are the quiet ones that focus on the actual people and the narration that juxtaposes the time periods. There’s so much atmosphere, and the music really enhances the experience. And it’s all out on Netflix now, with a dub and a sub!

Deca-Dence: When humanity has been pushed to the edge of extinction by monsters called the Gadoll, the rest of civilization is forced to live in enormous mobile fortresses and send groups out to battle the unknown monsters. So basically like Mortal Engines but the fortresses can turn themselves into giant fists and punch the monsters. We follow a girl named Natsume who wants to be one of the soldiers who fight the Gadoll, but she is constantly rejected because of her prosthetic arm. So she ends up with five years of cleaning duty supervised by a stern but mysterious badass named Kaburagi. I honestly don’t care at all about the plot of the anime, because for me the characters are what drives everything, and these character dynamics are great. I’m not going to say it’s the most original story, but I think it’s fun so far. 

*Rent-a-Girlfriend: A typical harem/romance anime that follows the world’s most annoying protagonist named Kazuya. After Kazuya is dumped by his first girlfriend, he seeks out a rental girlfriend out of self pity….BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT’S A REAL SERVICE THAT EXISTS IN JAPAN?! Like you can actually rent moms/dads/girlfriends/boyfriends and so on. Anyway, his fake girlfriend is the picture of anime waifu perfection...until Kazuya starts being his typical asshole self and she reveals her true nature of being an absolute sass master who don’t take no shit from no boring ass main character. Shenanigans happen and the two of them end up having to pretend they are in a real relationship. And I’m just calling it now...Kazuya’s grandma is the real best girl of the series. If you want a harem that’s actually funny and doesn’t mind roasting the protagonist, give this one a shot. Although I wish this were just a straight up romance instead of a harem because there is no way in hell that any girl, let alone more than one would want actually to date this guy. 

Next Seasons and Continuations!

*Fruits Basket 2019 (Season 2): Thank goodness Fruits Basket wasn’t delayed or cancelled last season because sometimes I feel like it was the only thing getting me through the spring. I’ve ranted about how good it is enough by now. If it can’t brighten your year, then nothing will. Just watch it if you haven’t already. 

*Re:ZERO-Starting Life in Another World (Season 2): Subaru is still trapped in another world, and he’s still as angsty as ever, but that’s not going to stop him from constantly putting himself through hell when he keeps dying horribly every time he needs to reset the timeline! There are mysterious new villains, nobody knows who Rem is (again) and I think there’s a plot somewhere under all the suffer porn. Seriously though, this show is pretty cool (even if I was two years late to the party). It’s one of the most interesting isekai anime I’ve ever seen, and it feels like it’s acting as a deconstruction of the genre, kinda like how Madoka Magica is for magical girl anime...both shows certainly have enough crying. The story is weird but interesting, the world building is cool, the villains (and sometimes the heroes) are batshit crazy to watch, and I like its moments of humor. 

No Guns Life (season 2): The story of Juzo, the hard boiled detective who plays by his own rules continues in the second season of No Guns Life. In case you missed the first season, this is a mystery/action anime that feels like an old noir film had a cyberpunk baby. There’s underground conspiracies, there’s interesting side characters, and...oh yeah the main character has a gun for a head. That’s right. we came to see a bara detective with a literal gun for a face, but we stayed for the world building and mysterious plots!

*Fire Force (Season 2): I’m going to be honest here, I really didn’t know if I should include this one or not. I have a major love hate relationship with Fire Force, but I figured there may be other people out there who would like it more than I do. So in case you missed the first season, this show follows a group of firefighters who puts out fires caused by spontaneous combustion using a mixture of guns and super powers. It was created by Atsushi Ōkubo, aka the guy who made Soul Eater. So it’s bound to be amazing right?

Not necessarily. Strap in for this one lads. 

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed with this show overall. Its main characters just aren’t that interesting most of the time, it can’t decide on what kind of show it wants to be, and so much of it just dragged for a good part of the series. I don’t know if it was a problem of pacing or if the plot was just that uninteresting for a while. The first couple episodes set up a very unique plot, filled with intriguing moral dilemmas. And then it proceeded to abandon everything interesting in favor of badly timed fan-service. It just couldn’t strike the balance that Soul Eater had between its humor and its sincerity. If they wanted to make an ecchi show, they should have just made one instead of inserting the same overplayed scenarios into every episode. I don’t care if a show has fan-service as long as it fits the tone, or if it only has certain episodes dedicated to playing up the humor. But Fire Force has a habit of just inserting it wherever it wants regardless of what’s actually happening in the episode. Also, some of the humor revolves around one of the main female characters who has a really messed up self image because she’s slightly more muscular, and not a tiny delicate flower like some of the other girls. Not going to pretend that doesn’t bug me. 

But that doesn’t mean there is nothing good about it! If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t have finished the first season, and I wouldn’t be including this one. So far, the second season has actually been funny because it made the first episode more like filler, instead of cramming in too much plot all at once. And to the surprise of no one, the animation is absolutely god tier. I wish it was being used for something other than clumsy fan-service, but it’s still really something to see. The world building is super creative and 100% my aesthetic, and there were a couple side characters I really loved later in the series (Benimaru). And I did like the twists and turns the series took later in the season when it actually focused on the conspiracy behind the fire force and the cult. When it follows the mysteries it sets up, it’s more fun to watch. Who would have thought? 

TLDR: There’s good stuff and there’s bad stuff. This show is really something you have to watch for yourself to decide if it’s going to be worth it. I’m going to at least try the second season, because I want to see where this goes, but it’s on thin ice. 

Honorable Mentions

Isekai edition! Both of these came out last season, but I hadn’t mentioned them when I made my spring list. But they’re both getting dubs now so I’m still counting them.

*My Next Life as a Villainess- All Routes Lead to Doom!: A twist on the isekai genre where our main protagonist wakes up as a character in her favorite otome game...only to find that she’s actually the bitchy rival side character who ends up either dead or exiled in every route of the game. So naturally she does everything she can to prevent this by becoming a sweet and caring supporting character...who inadvertently makes every single other character in the game fall in love with her. I ignored this show for the first few episodes because I need another isekai in the world like I need a hole in the head, but after hearing everyone rave about it, I caught up with it in no time. It’s a fun take on the otome game tropes, and it manages to be funny and sweet while not committing to any particular pairing.

*Ascendance of a Bookworm (Season 2): That’s right, it’s another isekai where an adult is reincarnated into the body of a child in a fantasy world. But this time, it’s a nerdy girl whose entire purpose in life revolves around reading books (can relate). However, when our main character Mine is thrust into this fantasy world, she quickly realizes that this particular fantasy setting is a little too...medieval  for her tastes...meaning a family of commoners like hers would have no clue how to read and books are only meant for rich people or the church. So of course Mine has to figure out how to either get her hands on some books or make them herself. This is a super cute show that I waited a long time to finally watch, and since the second season is finally being dubbed I wanted to shout it out. It’s just a wholesome isekai version of Dr. Stone. There’s no real action, but it’s a relaxing watch if nothing else. 

Well, there you have it. Hopefully nothing else gets delayed or cancelled because it’s pretty slim pickings as it is. And before anyone asks, I didn’t include GIBIATE because I thought it was a massive disappointment that somehow made a time travel horror anime plot boring. There’s also My Teen Romantic Comedy Snafu, but it’s been 5 years since I watched the other seasons and don’t remember anything about it. But there’s that too in case anyone is a fan of the series and didn’t know it got another season. 

See you next season…if the world is still here by then?