#i think after the whole thing he values their company a lot more. like. he just does his best to spend time with them.

[i3utterflyeffect]

What if him remembering the hollowheads in reverse order leads to him wondering if maybe the others would be better off without him there? He would remember how ava 4 went and wonder if sc ever really felt safe with him or if that was just an act so they could all stay on the pc.

AW. YEAH... when they show up again he starts crying because of it.............. he's just so happy to see them again, not to mention that they're happy to see him as well-- that they were even LOOKING for him in the first place--

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Humans are not perfectly vigilant

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then PROVIDENCE (Apr 12), and beyond!

Here's a fun AI story: a security researcher noticed that large companies' AI-authored source-code repeatedly referenced a nonexistent library (an AI "hallucination"), so he created a (defanged) malicious library with that name and uploaded it, and thousands of developers automatically downloaded and incorporated it as they compiled the code:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/28/ai_bots_hallucinate_software_packages/

These "hallucinations" are a stubbornly persistent feature of large language models, because these models only give the illusion of understanding; in reality, they are just sophisticated forms of autocomplete, drawing on huge databases to make shrewd (but reliably fallible) guesses about which word comes next:

https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1145/3442188.3445922

Guessing the next word without understanding the meaning of the resulting sentence makes unsupervised LLMs unsuitable for high-stakes tasks. The whole AI bubble is based on convincing investors that one or more of the following is true:

There are low-stakes, high-value tasks that will recoup the massive costs of AI training and operation;

There are high-stakes, high-value tasks that can be made cheaper by adding an AI to a human operator;

Adding more training data to an AI will make it stop hallucinating, so that it can take over high-stakes, high-value tasks without a "human in the loop."

These are dubious propositions. There's a universe of low-stakes, low-value tasks – political disinformation, spam, fraud, academic cheating, nonconsensual porn, dialog for video-game NPCs – but none of them seem likely to generate enough revenue for AI companies to justify the billions spent on models, nor the trillions in valuation attributed to AI companies:

https://locusmag.com/2023/12/commentary-cory-doctorow-what-kind-of-bubble-is-ai/

The proposition that increasing training data will decrease hallucinations is hotly contested among AI practitioners. I confess that I don't know enough about AI to evaluate opposing sides' claims, but even if you stipulate that adding lots of human-generated training data will make the software a better guesser, there's a serious problem. All those low-value, low-stakes applications are flooding the internet with botshit. After all, the one thing AI is unarguably very good at is producing bullshit at scale. As the web becomes an anaerobic lagoon for botshit, the quantum of human-generated "content" in any internet core sample is dwindling to homeopathic levels:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/14/inhuman-centipede/#enshittibottification

This means that adding another order of magnitude more training data to AI won't just add massive computational expense – the data will be many orders of magnitude more expensive to acquire, even without factoring in the additional liability arising from new legal theories about scraping:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/17/how-to-think-about-scraping/

That leaves us with "humans in the loop" – the idea that an AI's business model is selling software to businesses that will pair it with human operators who will closely scrutinize the code's guesses. There's a version of this that sounds plausible – the one in which the human operator is in charge, and the AI acts as an eternally vigilant "sanity check" on the human's activities.

For example, my car has a system that notices when I activate my blinker while there's another car in my blind-spot. I'm pretty consistent about checking my blind spot, but I'm also a fallible human and there've been a couple times where the alert saved me from making a potentially dangerous maneuver. As disciplined as I am, I'm also sometimes forgetful about turning off lights, or waking up in time for work, or remembering someone's phone number (or birthday). I like having an automated system that does the robotically perfect trick of never forgetting something important.

There's a name for this in automation circles: a "centaur." I'm the human head, and I've fused with a powerful robot body that supports me, doing things that humans are innately bad at.

That's the good kind of automation, and we all benefit from it. But it only takes a small twist to turn this good automation into a nightmare. I'm speaking here of the reverse-centaur: automation in which the computer is in charge, bossing a human around so it can get its job done. Think of Amazon warehouse workers, who wear haptic bracelets and are continuously observed by AI cameras as autonomous shelves shuttle in front of them and demand that they pick and pack items at a pace that destroys their bodies and drives them mad:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/17/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs/

Automation centaurs are great: they relieve humans of drudgework and let them focus on the creative and satisfying parts of their jobs. That's how AI-assisted coding is pitched: rather than looking up tricky syntax and other tedious programming tasks, an AI "co-pilot" is billed as freeing up its human "pilot" to focus on the creative puzzle-solving that makes coding so satisfying.

But an hallucinating AI is a terrible co-pilot. It's just good enough to get the job done much of the time, but it also sneakily inserts booby-traps that are statistically guaranteed to look as plausible as the good code (that's what a next-word-guessing program does: guesses the statistically most likely word).

This turns AI-"assisted" coders into reverse centaurs. The AI can churn out code at superhuman speed, and you, the human in the loop, must maintain perfect vigilance and attention as you review that code, spotting the cleverly disguised hooks for malicious code that the AI can't be prevented from inserting into its code. As "Lena" writes, "code review [is] difficult relative to writing new code":

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773779967521780169

Why is that? "Passively reading someone else's code just doesn't engage my brain in the same way. It's harder to do properly":

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773780355708764665

There's a name for this phenomenon: "automation blindness." Humans are just not equipped for eternal vigilance. We get good at spotting patterns that occur frequently – so good that we miss the anomalies. That's why TSA agents are so good at spotting harmless shampoo bottles on X-rays, even as they miss nearly every gun and bomb that a red team smuggles through their checkpoints:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop

"Lena"'s thread points out that this is as true for AI-assisted driving as it is for AI-assisted coding: "self-driving cars replace the experience of driving with the experience of being a driving instructor":

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773841546753831283

In other words, they turn you into a reverse-centaur. Whereas my blind-spot double-checking robot allows me to make maneuvers at human speed and points out the things I've missed, a "supervised" self-driving car makes maneuvers at a computer's frantic pace, and demands that its human supervisor tirelessly and perfectly assesses each of those maneuvers. No wonder Cruise's murderous "self-driving" taxis replaced each low-waged driver with 1.5 high-waged technical robot supervisors:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/11/robots-stole-my-jerb/#computer-says-no

AI radiology programs are said to be able to spot cancerous masses that human radiologists miss. A centaur-based AI-assisted radiology program would keep the same number of radiologists in the field, but they would get less done: every time they assessed an X-ray, the AI would give them a second opinion. If the human and the AI disagreed, the human would go back and re-assess the X-ray. We'd get better radiology, at a higher price (the price of the AI software, plus the additional hours the radiologist would work).

But back to making the AI bubble pay off: for AI to pay off, the human in the loop has to reduce the costs of the business buying an AI. No one who invests in an AI company believes that their returns will come from business customers to agree to increase their costs. The AI can't do your job, but the AI salesman can convince your boss to fire you and replace you with an AI anyway – that pitch is the most successful form of AI disinformation in the world.

An AI that "hallucinates" bad advice to fliers can't replace human customer service reps, but airlines are firing reps and replacing them with chatbots:

https://www.bbc.com/travel/article/20240222-air-canada-chatbot-misinformation-what-travellers-should-know

An AI that "hallucinates" bad legal advice to New Yorkers can't replace city services, but Mayor Adams still tells New Yorkers to get their legal advice from his chatbots:

https://arstechnica.com/ai/2024/03/nycs-government-chatbot-is-lying-about-city-laws-and-regulations/

The only reason bosses want to buy robots is to fire humans and lower their costs. That's why "AI art" is such a pisser. There are plenty of harmless ways to automate art production with software – everything from a "healing brush" in Photoshop to deepfake tools that let a video-editor alter the eye-lines of all the extras in a scene to shift the focus. A graphic novelist who models a room in The Sims and then moves the camera around to get traceable geometry for different angles is a centaur – they are genuinely offloading some finicky drudgework onto a robot that is perfectly attentive and vigilant.

But the pitch from "AI art" companies is "fire your graphic artists and replace them with botshit." They're pitching a world where the robots get to do all the creative stuff (badly) and humans have to work at robotic pace, with robotic vigilance, in order to catch the mistakes that the robots make at superhuman speed.

Reverse centaurism is brutal. That's not news: Charlie Chaplin documented the problems of reverse centaurs nearly 100 years ago:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Times_(film)

As ever, the problem with a gadget isn't what it does: it's who it does it for and who it does it to. There are plenty of benefits from being a centaur – lots of ways that automation can help workers. But the only path to AI profitability lies in reverse centaurs, automation that turns the human in the loop into the crumple-zone for a robot:

https://estsjournal.org/index.php/ests/article/view/260

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/01/human-in-the-loop/#monkey-in-the-middle

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

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Jorge Royan (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Munich_-_Two_boys_playing_in_a_park_-_7328.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

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Noah Wulf (modified) https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Thunderbirds_at_Attention_Next_to_Thunderbird_1_-_Aviation_Nation_2019.jpg

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[bekkathyst]

Hi, long time customer (although I admit it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten anything new) and I have a question about what responsibly sourced means for your business. I’ve seen more and more stuff about the crystal mining industry and I don’t want to have to stop buying them. I will if I need to but I want to know like, where REALLY do your crystals come from? How do you know/what do you mean by responsibly sourced? From other small businesses? Where are THEY getting them?

Mostly I just really want to continue supporting your shop if I can with my purchases but I think I should just ask to make sure.

Hi! Thanks for asking; I think it's an important thing to discuss. I've talked about all of this before but it's been a while, so I thought I'd write it all out again. If things are unclear it's because I'm running on very little sleep atm and a bit overwhelmed with work, but I would be happy to answer any clarifying questions as needed!

So for me, responsibly sourced means that I care about who I am supporting and try to make the best decisions that I can. While it is true that there's no way to 100% know what's going on unless you visit a mine yourself and watch them work, that's why I think that getting as close to the source as possible is really important. I've spent the last 11 years building long-term business relationships with people who own mines, dig crystals themselves, or have smaller operations and employ a lot of their families. There's a huge difference to me between supporting a couple in Uruguay who owns a small mine or two and has their whole family involved in the business versus buying African diamonds from a British company that's been exploiting the land and the people living in it for over a century. The smaller the mine and company, the better. A lot of the people that I work with have introduced me to their whole families, seen my daughter grow up over the years, and often times they'll invite us to visit their country and visit their mines with them. (I'm not in a position to do any world traveling atm lol but I hope one day I can go do this!) I think it's super important that the people from the country where the stones are being mined are the people running the business and actually making the profit from it - not someone from a completely unrelated country coming and taking over the operations and making massive profits by exploiting and mistreating the people who live there.

Also to clarify, I work with wholesalers. As a retail business owner, I can buy from these mines and companies because I have a business license and buy in large quantities to resell; they usually don't sell to the general public, or if they do, it's just at mineral shows once or twice a year. Over the past decade, I've met so many great people at shows and then stayed in contact with them in between shows and have been able to continuously order from them.

So I aim to work with these miners directly as much as I can, but if I do work with a general wholesaler who offers things from several different countries, I use my best judgment and ask questions to make sure that their values align with mine and they're doing their part as well. I also work with a few carving companies that buy rough in bulk from various countries and carve and shape the stones - same thing as above applies.

And it goes further than that too, because if someone does really anything that goes against my personal morals, I stop doing business with them. The strongest example of that that I can think of is there used to be a warehouse I worked with in the US that imported directly from Brazil, but one time the owner said something really racist to me and Antonio in a joking tone. After that, we cut all ties and never went back. It still makes me mad to think he ever got any of our money.

I think this about sums it up, but if you have further questions, I'd be happy to answer after I get caught up on work :)

I'll just end this by saying that you know what you're comfortable with and you shouldn't do anything that goes against your beliefs! I'm running my shop in the way that I think is right but of course, there will always be people with differing opinions.

[quiteliterallyilliterate]

I legit just see you randomly on my feed and your writing was really good and I thought why not? Since requests are open, may I request for yandere skyward sword link with goddess reader? Reader can either replace Zelda herself or is a whole other goddess that doesnt even belong or own Hyrule. Id love to see what else you have in store here!

Order up!

Sorry it’s been a while! I’ve been dealing with a lot these past two weeks but hopefully life will improve (?) Love this concept and there’s a mention of @monpalace’s idea with Skyloftians using shed loftwing feathers to propose. Not proofread, I am sorry, this took wayyyy too. Much like Link, i am eepy. That’s about all!

Hope you enjoy!~

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

There was little refuge for Link on the surface, that much he knew. That much the world made incredibly apparent. Aside from what little lands like that of the kikwi or the ancient temple, there was little non-hostile life. The sun was fading from the sky, Hylia’s light fading from the surface land, letting monsters run rampant across the untamed earth. Not a particularly pleasant situation given the stab wound he’d nursed, limping through the forest as he tried to find a way home. With no statues in sight, he resigned himself to his fate —alone within an unkind world. Not that it’s a first that he’s felt such a manner, everyone knew everyone in Skyloft, his business was never truly his. And with Groose and his goons taunting him for his every breath, there wasn’t much to say for company. He could be surrounded by people, and yet he was —to some level— still alone. That was, aside from Zelda, missing among this realm. There was some small, nagging part of him that wish he needn’t search for her. Sure, he valued her companionship, and yet… it’s been odd lately. Originally he kept from the sky to be with her once more. But now knowing he was a piece in a prophecy —one she knew, no less— he couldn’t help but question the authenticity of their friendship. He feels wrong about it to question. The hylian people serve Hylia, he should be grateful that he’s been sent on a mission she foretold. He should be so many things. It just seems added onto the pile of things he should be. More outgoing, Zelda would say after he’d share his difficulty with speaking to his peers. Less pathetic, Groose and his lackeys would sneer. Dead, He’d often think, looking at the bags under his eyes and tousled hair. So it seemed irrelevant that Hylia wished he’d be heroic. The small decaying temple looked surprisingly stable from the inside. Vines and mosses grew into the cracks within the marble, nature filling in where people could no longer support. The door was easily blocked and the main area was large enough to safely light a fire without smoking himself out. Above a plinth stood a statue, sharp imposing eyes glaring at whomever entered with judgement. Their face was alight with the golds of the fire, setting in the allure within his mind. Looking down past stone ceremonial robes were offerings, placed at their feet, still fresh despite the centuries since any people lived down here. A deity, he noticed a little too late. Perhaps it was sacreligious of him to stay here, the Hero of Hylia taking refuge in a different god’s home. But perhaps that kingdom has since crumbled, their blades too rusted to do him any harm. The blood seeping through his tunic was the least of his concerns as sleep pulled him in familiar as ever.

Link liked to sleep. It was safe and warm, something quite the contrast to the life he’d led. He wished many times both before his journey and since its onset that he could stay asleep forever. It’d be a blessing, to exist in such a state of peaceful serenity outside of a world defined by its wars. And yet, morning after morning, he’d awake to soft sunlight or be shoved out of his bed. Hylia did not wait on him. So waking up to fingers carding softly through his hair as a lullaby —one his memories could just barely grasp at— was a sharp contrast. He felt no pain in his stomach nor the jolt of adrenaline he was used to. Turning around sleepily, he saw you, the very deity he seeked refuge under. He scrambled to apologize, your sharp eyes looking down upon him as he lay strewn across your body.

“I’m- Oh- I-“ He could not, for whatever reason, speak. Much a common theme in his life that whenever he needed his words, they’d fly away faster than a loftwing. Strong arms tightened around him, shushes and soothes whispered to his pointed ears.

“Be at ease. Your goddess cannot find you here” The fingers resumed carding through his hair, twirling the uneven cuts. “You are safe, little hero” Your words bled with a care and endearment he had not been given in so long. His mind latched to you, to your care and your soft treatment of him. He let himself rest limply, telling himself that it would pass soon. Nothing ever stays this good for this long. And yet, there were no monsters to kick in the door or someone waiting on him. There was just you and him. And no other God watching. “She’s put you through so much.” Your statement hangs in the air as Link can’t find the words that dignify a response. “To wander in here bleeding as badly as you were.” His eyes widen and he does his best to pat his tunic, feeling for the blood. And yet there was none. Aside from the rip in the forest fabric, there was no signs of him ever being injured.

“What?” His brows furrowed and he found himself looking up to you. Your skin held an inhuman glint, a glow to it that needed no sun nor fire to illuminate. Your hunter’s eyes had no iris, a scalara of pure white looking back at him. Your lips here pulled to something of a mischievous smirk as you looked upon him.

“I fixed you.” Your tone was a little uncanny, voice unused to conversing. “I used to do it frequently for the before people” He felt his eyes widen marginally. He’d never heard of the ‘before people’ only if what came after them. He knew naught of their societies, nor their deities. You giggled at his curiosity, pressing lightly on his shoulders so he’d lay back down. “It’s been so long since i’ve had such lovely visitors” Your voice was a far off cry in his mind as he buried his face in the nape of your neck. There was no rushing of blood to lull his own rushing mind, and yet you soothed him all the same. “Rest now, little Hero. I will watch the world in your stead.

There were many times afterwards that he visited you. He’d put a beacon near the clearing where your quiet temple sat. Gone was the comfort of absence that came with sleep, that nullifying expanse of nothingness. Instead, he’d seek out you, the glow of your grace soothing the rage he now brought upon the world. At your Altar he’d leave gifts, anything you’d mentioned in passing or anything he knew must’ve been good. You’d offhandedly speak of how much you missed the ancient cistern, and he’d bring you its water. He’d gather the fruit of the Faron woods, making into pies and jam and alcohol for you to feed off of. It wasn’t often, but he’d occasionally get you blood or meat. Not common, he didn’t want to raise concerns, but he knew the spirits would strengthen you. You may have only had a one man clergy, but he was loyal to a fault. He cleared the surface of monsters so you could roam freely, basking in the moonlight as your fingers brushed the grass. His favorite gift to you came in the form of a plume of crimson feathers. You were quite oblivious to the meaning behind the exchange, instead cooing over the bright colors and imagining the majesty of the bird it came from. But he knew that maybe then the other half of his spirit —as the people said— would mingle with your own to care for you as much as you did him. Bound to you perhaps by fate and now with the matrimony of his gift to you, no longer would you lay forgotten to the world. He’d build an empire in your honor if it would be your wish. He’d kill the goddess who subdued you if it were your ruling. Afterall, he was prophesied to kill a deity.

[vigilskeep]

hi! ive seen you talk about your surana a bunch but i dont know if ive seen her full story. what were some of the pivotal decisions she made? i love hearing you talk about your ocs, theyre always so in depth and thought out!

oh thank you!! :) my surana is my Eldest Daughter from my very first full playthrough of a dragon age game, so i think a lot of people newer to the blog (like... from less than a year and a half ago probably lmao) have less of the context in complete form. so i will attempt to summarise!! it may be... long...

minerva surana is a manipulative, driven elven circle mage, heart-breakingly willing to sacrifice whatever she believes is necessary for her Grand Goals, who is often so busy playing 5d chess she forgets she’s a twenty-one year old with no experience of the world outside the tower

okay it did turn out fucking long the rest is under the cut its like 9 bulky paragraphs enjoy

her family were tevinter liberati, elven slaves who had devoted themselves to buying their way out and very recently succeeded. her parents were desperate to see her and her elder sibling grow up knowing only freedom, and sent their children south with another part of the family while they remained to pay off the last of their debts. the journey was long and difficult, and they had little left when they ended up in the denerim alienage. in a twist of bitter irony, magic that might have made minerva someone of value in the imperium saw her freedom once more revoked in the south. minerva remembers nothing of tevinter, and only a few fragments of what came next: of light through the vhenadahl’s branches glinting on a templar’s blade, of her sibling fighting them and being knocked to the ground, terribly still, with blood in their hair, and of her grandmother saying what she might have said many times on that long journey south: we can survive anything, as long as we never look back. ironically, minerva often took that to heart by denying all memory prior to the circle.

young apprentice minerva was a sullen child, with few friends; karl thekla took an elder brother’s interest, and jowan clung to her talent. she only really flourished when, after her terror of her natural gift for spirit magic saw her self-hatred turn dangerous in her early teens, first enchanter irving took an interest. he was a father figure to her, and he showed her how to channel her power into control, and her distress into ambition. newfound devotion to elemental magic saw her hailed as a prodigy, and surely a future first enchanter with irving’s tutelage. (only irving considered her too headstrong for the role. he never told her, fostering the drive he had cultivated, both fearful for the state she might return to if he didn’t, and curious as to what else she might become.) she grew up arrogant and beautiful and deeply loyal to the circle, learning that it was only the weak and the defiant who would fail to thrive there, and convinced she was neither. many of her peers wanted to be her, and few of them wanted to spend much time in her company. except jowan, still the little brother hiding in her shadow, and halliserre amell, a rebellious rival with a winning smile, who made up for their lack of her discipline and raw power with sheer brilliance, and whose heated arguments eventually developed into... ah, something else heated.

not long before the start of the game, amell told her they were going to accept tranquillity. it didn’t matter how clever they were; with their weak magic, they would die in the harrowing. they’d only been so defiant of the circle before because, having accepted their fate, the risks were nothing to them. furious and unable to admit it was because she was in love, the last thing minerva ever said to them when they were whole was that they were a coward not to try. when jowan told her he feared he too would be made tranquil, minerva was still recovering from the loss, not to mention flushed with even more arrogance than normal from her own successful harrowing. she had been the perfect circle mage all her life, twice as good as everyone else to make up for every rumour about where she was from. surely she had earned one defiance. surely she could save this one thing, her oldest friend. and she is a loyal person, in her way, emotion powering her fierce drive, incapable of abandoning what she has set her heart on. irving, from whom she had learned everything, was ahead of her every step of the way. he arranged for her to be taken in by the grey wardens. she had proved herself as headstrong and unsuitable as he had feared—and she was shocked and bitterly betrayed to finally see that—but he also believed this might bring her to where she would truly belong.

as a grey warden, minerva’s highest concern is perception. when the stakes of the game are revealed, she has enough hubris to see it as a chance to not just save but change the world. defeating the archdemon isn’t enough. she needs to be seen defeating the archdemon, at the forefront, as an elven mage; she has enough idealism to believe it will really matter for her and people like her, and enough shrewd cynicism to consider what she may have to sacrifice to achieve it. mostly she approaches problems with the skill for diplomacy and management that irving taught her, with that good good Master Coercion skill. she gets many of the “better” and certainly more peaceful quest outcomes, not always motivated by altruism, but determined to be remembered well when she leaves each faction behind. her one great sacrifice of this goal to be seen as the perfect mage is when she takes up blood magic, determined after she sees its power that she alone can handle it, to get the job done and keep what’s hers alive fight after fight. but that only makes her more dedicated to her actions elsewhere

the real test and most pivotal moment of her arc is at the landsmeet. she has arranged anora’s marriage to an alistair hardened for the role (once more following irving’s example, learning to teach ambition as he had taught hers. is there love in that, or just selfishness? she doesn’t know). all that matters is that the joint rule neatly fulfils her desire for compromise to please all parties. but then she struggles between two aspects of her goal: she wants to be seen, personally, as the victor; she does not want every noble in ferelden to see her kill the hero of river dane with magic. she knows how that scene will be remembered, in the end. when riordan suggests recruiting him instead, it seems the perfect solution to everything, the salvation of the day. and then she realises she’s broken alistair’s heart, just when he’s breaking hers. she is incapable of backing down in front of them all (it’s only to alistair, her alistair, but she can’t do it—not to a human, and not to someone part of her will always see as a templar—not when everything she wants was so close.) he abandons her for the throne she taught him to want. she goes on with loghain in the party, and eventually—unable to let loghain snatch the final sacrifice from her grasp, and realising she does want to win and live, after it all—convinces him to do the dark ritual.

in terms of her most important relationships with companions: minerva traditionally romances zevran, who is in many ways uniquely her match having learned the same bitter lessons with the crows that she learned from the circle, and who is so dear to her and capable of lightening her heart when no-one else can. i’ve also experimented with the idea of her romancing alistair, to really dramatise the Landsmeet Divorce and capitalise on future political shenanigans where she could one day be his mistress, but more traditionally they are simply an extremely closely trauma-bonded pair of people who are incapable, at least that year, of really understanding each other deep down. it falls into a pattern where she loves someone with all that fierce drive, enough to die for them, but she will always prioritise what she thinks they need over what they are saying and what they want, often with misjudgements and terrible consequences for them both. it was true with amell, it’s true for many others

she has something very intense and homoerotic going on with morrigan, she has a strained relationship with leliana and wynne, and she has respect and comradeship and a fair bit of fundamental disagreement with sten and loghain. the awakening squad are the people she will consider family for life, most notably nathaniel who she started out not liking at all and is now her work wife, her right hand, can finish her sentences, etc.; anders, who remembers her as karl’s annoying teacher’s pet telltale little sister and is still sometimes baffled by who she’s become; velanna, who makes minerva her most genuine self by having regular screaming matches with her as a sign of affection; and oghren who tried to quit drinking at the same time she tried to quit blood magic, leading to many conversations that deeply baffled everyone around them.

the “current” minerva surana is a sharp-tongued leader who was born for the role of warden-commander, who loves her work and that it matters, who has a truer confidence that is less blindly arrogant and more willing to admit to mistakes, who has worked her breathless way up to h*lding h*ands in public with someone she loves, who has finally learned the hard lesson that the world needs more than an heroic example who followed all the rules to truly be bettered... and who, as rebellion brews, has never been one to sit back and watch while others changed the world

[msnanu]

Libertine 06 | JJK

Libertines put value on physical pleasures, meaning those experienced through the senses.

❧ Series Masterlist ❧

⏤summary ❧ He has a reputation for being the most promiscuous man on campus, and you, well, you are basically him in women’s pants. It will be the very first time that Jungkook is faced with someone who is gonna make him question his feelings and actions.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ f*boy jungkook x f*girl female reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ some fluff, smut, mild angst, teasing and lots of sexual tension.

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language, NSFW🔞

❧ banner by: @dojakoo ❧

The room that minutes ago was echoing several moans, now witnessed a deafening silence. The atmosphere in the room was tense, anyone who walked in there at that moment wouldn't say that sex had just happened.

Both of you were already properly dressed and as presentable as you could be.

As you struggled to get the strands of hair back into place, you watched through a glass closet door Jungkook pace up and down impatiently. You hadn't exchanged a word since the amazing sex session ended, just a kiss and nothing more.

You could sense the sudden discomfort in Jungkook’s body language. That’s weird – you thought.

“You okay?” You asked, looking at Jungkook through the glass.

Cursing at yourself for a moment because you shouldn’t care what the hell is going on in his head right now, you saw him turn to you directly.

“Fine.” He took a deep breath. “I just think we should go back.”

Huh? You didn’t see that one coming.

“We should?” You dared him.

“Yes.”

Jungkook noticed that his monosyllabic posture did not please you. He saw you looking at him with a certain disdain after his short answers.

“Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” You asked, feeling somehow offended by that behavior.  

How could Jungkook explain to you? How was he supposed to tell you that this half-hour fuck had been the best fuck he'd ever had in his life. How to tell you he was on the brink of obsession over a girl he didn't even know if she had any kind of regard for him. He was feeling helpless, weak. He didn’t even understand what the hell was going on in his head.

It wasn't supposed to be this good. 

Of course, he wanted to fuck you, but not like this. It was supposed to be regular sex, like all the others.

Jungkook was acting that way because he knew he was utterly fucked.

“Nothing. Can we go?” He said, waiting for you by the door.

Until now, you felt like you could read him like a book but this time, you really didn’t understand what went wrong for him to start acting like this. And you were getting angry at the fact that you wanted to know what the hell happened.

You tried not to show any reaction to the way he was treating you right after you had sex. You really tried to, but you failed miserably.

You frowned, scoffing. “You’re an asshole.”

Jungkook didn't even have the right to be upset by your words. He knew he was being an asshole. It was the only thing that he knew how to do perfectly.

The drive back to college was quieter than usual.

On the way out, Jungkook had avoided talking because he didn't want anything you said to make him overthink, but now, on the way back, he realized that was impossible.

You were no longer admiring the city like the moment you had left college. Your posture was straight on the seat while your face remained motionless looking straight ahead.

Jungkook was driving a little more quickly, eager to get out of your company. He felt like he was suffocating with emotions that he didn’t want to deal with.

As soon as Jungkook parked, he noticed some stares from vacant students outside.

“Dear God.” He whispered to himself.

You kept overthinking the whole ride, you needed to know if maybe he got the wrong idea.

Before he got out of the car, your voice caught his attention.“I wasn't faking there, I don't know what you-”

“Do you think I'm being an asshole to you because I thought you faked an orgasm?” Jungkook interrupted you rudely. “I know you didn't.”

Okay. That was mean. What the fuck is his problem?

You let out an exasperated sigh.

“So, why are you being so rude to me?” You were staring at him.

“Why do you care?”

Yeah. Why do you care? You thought. He’s just a hook up for the love of God, that’s all he ever was. Like every other guy. You shouldn’t care about it.

But why in the world are you feeling a sudden sting in your chest? You feel like such an idiot.

And as much as Jungkook found your behavior justifiable, he didn't understand why you were acting like this was something more than casual sex for you. You went out with different guys all the time; he was just one more on the list.

His last response seemed to awaken something on you.

“You're right. I don't know why I care.”

Your voice was shaking and Jungkook could see you swallowing hard.

Without saying another word, you opened the car door and started to get out, drawing more attention from those outside.

Jungkook felt awful. “Y/N, wait. I didn’t mean to-” he said, holding you by the wrist.

“Let go of me.” You said, straining to release your arm. The look that you gave him was enough for him to let you go immediately.

Jungkook gulped and watched you walk toward the college entrance. The small groups around commented excitedly as they swung their gazes between you and the spot where he was parked.

He took as long as he could to get out of the car, but the timing wasn't helping him. He was late for second class.

As if the day couldn't get any worse, when Jungkook stepped inside the college, a familiar voice called him out.

“Hey,” Seulgi was shored up on a pillar in the courtyard. “I missed you this morning.”

“You were the one ignoring my calls.”

That phrase was a full plate to shape Jungkook's personality. Nothing was ever his fault, there was always someone to point fingers at.

“You were flirting with Y/N in front of me last Saturday, what did you expect?”

Undeniable.

Jungkook took a deep breath, trying to keep what patience he had left. He didn't intend to argue with Seulgi there, but the girl seemed so determined to confront him that he had no choice.

“Are you done?” He asked, seeing the girl let out an evil smile.

“You know she's with Park, right?”

Apparently, Seulgi wasn't as dumb as he thought. “He said he spent all Sunday with her.” Seulgi said, tilting her head. She was desperate to provoke him.

He didn't even know if what she was saying was true, but just the thought of you and Jimin together for a whole fucking day made Jungkook's blood boil.

If Seulgi only knew where and who he was with, she wouldn't be teasing him right now.

“What do you want, Seulgi?” He asked, forcing himself to be polite.

“He really likes her, Jungkook.” She approached him, staying close to his ear. “Why don't you tell him you were with her this morning?”

Jungkook chuckled. That was a funny way of telling him that she'd seen them both.

At first, he thought Seulgi would be jealous, but the girl was willing to try to blackmail him with the fact that he had hung out with his friend's hookup.

Sadly for her, he couldn't care less what Jimin would think if he knew they were together.

“I'm sorry babe, I don't give a fuck about that.” 

Jungkook was so stunned by the whole situation with you, he just wanted to end that shit talk.

Seulgi mumbled a few words, but Jungkook was already walking to his class. He could feel she was grumbling behind him.

Desperate to get together with his friends and try to forget the events of that early morning, Jungkook quickened his steps. From a distance he could see Taehyung, Jin and Jimin talking in front of the class.

As Jungkook approached, he saw more details of that circle. Taehyung was standing with his feet against the wall, Jin also at his side. However, Jimin was sitting on a bench in front of them. As soon as Jungkook found them, he swallowed hard.

For a moment he thought he was living in some kind of sitcom, and that at any moment he would hear a booming laugh in his ear.

There you were, sitting on Jimin's lap, your hands were around his shoulders as Jimin held you by the waist. 

Jimin was caressing your body and you had your face rested on his. It was a hell of a scene to watch. Jungkook thought about walking right past you, but Jin didn't give him a chance.

“Hey! What’s up, JK.”

Jin's greeting made Jimin and you to look up to see him. Jungkook avoided facing you and instead offered Taehyung an uncomfortable smile.

He seemed to be the only one Jungkook could count on at that moment, he was certainly understanding the discomfort of the situation.

“Kook.” Taehyung greeted him with a fist bump.

“What’s up?” Jungkook said tiredly.

“Morning, Jungkookie.” Jimin said a little resentful.

When Jimin greeted him Jungkook was forced to look down.

His eyes met yours directly. You had an extremely peaceful expression, it was scary.

Your eyes were slightly narrowed, which made Jungkook take a deep breath. 

The scene of you moaning his name came to his mind and he just couldn't hold his gaze. The sight of you alone was enough to intimidate Jungkook in those conditions, the recent memory of you begging him to fuck you was the Armageddon of his existence. There was no way he could ignore it.

You on the other hand kept your gaze fixed on him, trying to intimidate him.

Successfully, you caused a feeling of anguish to take hold of Jungkook. Suddenly, he felt as if he was deprived of air, his eyes couldn't hold the gaze for long and his skin felt itchy.

It was a mixture of anxiety and angst.

“How you doing, Jimin?” He struggled. “Y/N.”

You smiled at him. You freaking smiled.

He was visibly affected. Feeling this way was different for Jungkook.

“Why don't we go in? Professor Hyuk is already inside.” Taehyung cleared his throat.

Jungkook was the first to nod and head into the room, causing his friends to look at each other.

This feeling of failure was foreign to Jungkook. He defined this moment as "failure" simply because he got attached to you more than he should have. His reputation as a rake had grown naturally, it wasn't something he aspired to have, but it would be a lie to say he didn't like all that fame.

He knew that the correct way to solve all his mixed feelings was to have an honest conversation with you, it was the only way to actually "accept" those weird feelings.

However, he had already been warned that you had the same reputation as him, meaning there was little chance that you would take anything between you two seriously.

You being there with Jimin right after you had sex with Jungkook reinforced pretty much that thought.

It was a combo of bad things.

While Jungkook tried to find a way to get you out of his thoughts, his professor explained the basic matrices of how to perform applied statistics.

College was also stressing him out more than usual. Usually, Jungkook felt good in this environment with his friends, but all this confusion with Jimin had made him prefer to avoid his group a little.

Time passed and to Jungkook's relief it went faster than he had expected. 

Sitting at his desk, he did the math on how many days he could miss that subject. He couldn't take it anymore.

“Are you coming? Or are you staying to close the class?” Taehyung teased him.

Taehyung had been very close to Jungkook these days. Of course, he knew he could count on his friend, but lately he was being more than exceptional.

It was good to know that his bad temper hadn't scared off everyone around him.

“Jerk.” Jungkook said slowly getting up.

“Come on Jungkook, offer me a ride, I know you want to.” 

The two laughed.

“What the hell, what happened to your car?”

“I ended up abandoning it in a shady spot.” He said guilty.

The two walked towards the parking lot.

“What were you doing in a 'shady spot'?” Jungkook asked with a smirk.

“Let's just say that Anyra and I could not wait until we got home.” Taehyung was smiling like a child; it was amazing how good that girl was for his friend.

“You depraved perv.” Jungkook pushed him.

Inside the car on the way to Taehyung's house, Jungkook continued to talk about Anyra. He felt curiosity seeing his friend in this state.

“Is she really everything you say? Or are you just in love?”

“She's amazing” Taehyung looked at him smugly. “We are just enjoying ourselves for now, letting it flow”

The path was silent only for a little while.

“What about you and Y/N?”

“What do you mean? There isn't 'me and Y/N'.” Jungkook rumbled.

Taehyung let out a booming laugh.

He wasn't lying there. There wasn't a "Jungkook and Y/N" together, as a couple, it was easier to say there was a "Y/N and Jimin".

“Oh Jungkook, people talk.” He said, raising an eyebrow at his friend. “I know you were with her this morning.”

“So, that means we are together?”

“No. That means you are a man-whore.”

Jungkook laughed at the term Taehyung used to define him. He had heard it from many people but never from his close friends.

“Did you…” Taehyung hesitated.

“Bang her?”

“I wasn’t going to use that word… but okay, yes.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook sighed.

“I thought you would be happy about it.” His friend looked at him with a frown.

It was difficult for Jungkook to explain why he wasn't satisfied. The way he looked; it looked like it had been bad sex.

Several excuses came to his mind, anything was better than the truth, but Taehyung was being so understanding and willing to listen that he decided to speak the truth.

“She's... She's... I don't know... She's different. It's so fucking weird.” Jungkook stuttered. “Like, she's seeing one of our friends, and I never cared about it before, but now, it's like... I don't know... I think I care about her.”

Taehyung was awestruck. “Who is this guy next to me and what did he do to my friend?”

“Oh fuck you.” Jungkook lost his composure and laughed.

“Now, for real,” Taehyung said, composing himself. “I don't think I've ever seen you like that over a girl, but this thing you're feeling it's a good feeling to have. I mean, I know you, your reputation and stuff, but you should give this a try.” 

“Even if she has this reputation as a heartbreaker?” Jungkook asked with a slightly cocky air. “I don’t know man, it would be cool having her as a friend I guess, she’s someone nice to be around.”

“Well, my friend, you've got two ways to handle this situation, either you give it a go, or you just keep being the same asshole Jungkook as always. It's up to you.”

Jungkook chuckled. He knew what Taehyung was referring to when he called him an "asshole".

Probably all the time he just acted like a dirtbag with every woman he's ever been with.

Taehyung was right in a way, but Jungkook wasn't so comfortable with not having his reputation preceding him.

As Jungkook parked in front of Taehyung's house, his friend patted him on the shoulder in farewell.

“Enjoy things more, Kook,” He winked. “Bye.”

“See ya.”

He returned home thinking about what his friend had said.

There was no way he could let his guard down with you, it was too risky, even for someone as self-assured as he was.

Maybe he should enjoy things, just like Taehyung had said.

Maybe he should find you and keep having sex with you, there was nothing to lose as long as he didn't show his feelings. Even he wasn’t sure of what was that he was feeling. Maybe it was just the shock of how good the sex was and nothing more. He shouldn’t overthink this.

If you were hanging out with him and Jimin at the same time, let him make an effort to fuck you better.

On the way home he decided that he would follow Taehyung's second advice: to keep being an asshole.

During Tuesday and Wednesday Jungkook didn't hear from you, he didn't see you, he didn't hear you, let alone hear about you. He guessed Jimin was giving him a break. 

He didn't know if Jimin had heard the rumors about the two of you leaving together. Not that he minded, but if Jimin actually knew, Jungkook would want to be prepared for confrontation.

All his classes were boring and hard to bear until the end. He couldn't wait for summer vacations, maybe then he could forget about you forever.

On Wednesday night Jungkook ignored Seulgi's calls. He could go out with her just so she could give him some peace, but he just didn't want to and didn't care if she got angry at him.

Through the cell phone screen, he could see all the messages, asking him to answer her, sending him provocative photos. She really didn't give up.

Two weeks ago he'd probably run over to her so they could fuck for an hour and then relax. However, this week he didn't feel the least bit horny for her, which was weird.

On Thursday, Park Jimin decided to end his peace.

Approaching his group of friends at college, Jungkook could see that several side conversations were taking place.

Jin and Taehyung were discussing something about football and gaming, Yoongi was talking about how shitty applied economics his senior year was, and Jimin was sharing sexual details of you with one of Yoongi's friends.

As he stepped close to them, Jungkook overheard their conversation which caught his attention right away at the mention of your name.

“If only I could describe to you the way she tastes. It's insane.” Jimin said excitedly.

Jungkook's jaw clenched instantly, and he regretted being there.

Yoongi's idiotic friends encouraged him to keep talking, asking about how you acted in bed. Jungkook's breathing was uneven, and his hands clenched in fists.

“All I can say is that she's a talented girl.” He bragged.

And he thought he was the asshole.

Once again Jungkook found himself wondering how you considered sleeping with this man.

How a smart, self-centered girl like you had put up with that. He wasn't much either, but he was definitely better than Jimin.

Disgusting.

That conversation had awakened in him the desire to see you. Not for the reasons that the theme would imply, but simply because of neediness.

Jungkook wanted to know about you, if you were okay, wanted to be close to you, keep you away from his friend.

He thought about clearing his throat just so they would know he was there, but he didn't want to give Jimin the pleasure of knowing he'd overheard part of that conversation.

Instead, Jungkook remembered the conversation he'd had with Taehyung and decided to resolve his neediness with who was the main cause of it.

He needed to enjoy things.

Feeling despair take over his body, Jungkook walked eagerly toward the hallway you were supposed to be studying. He saw the friends who were always with you standing in the middle of the courtyard and decided to go to them.

He was acting like a horny teenager, and he wasn't shy about admitting it.

For a moment, he was scared that your friends already knew how much of an asshole he had been with you and that they would blow him off because of that.

"Hey you." He waved at them.

The girls looked at each other and laughed at each other, they were blushing slightly. He liked to be received like that. And clearly you hadn’t told your friends anything.

“I’m sorry,” He started. “I need a little help from you misses...?” He waited for them to complete.

Jungkook was pretending to be on a show where he was the main character.

“Jihyo.”

“Joy.”

“Right, Miss Jihyo and Miss Joy.” Jungkook smiled confidently. “I really need to know where your friend is right now.”

Self-aware that the girls had for some reason been on his side since their day at the pub, Jungkook was sure they would give him the answer just in time.

And he was right.

“Ah, I think she's in the department room, she said she had things to do there.” Jihyo said quickly as she stared at him with a silly smile on her face.

If you were with them right now, you would surely curse at them for being this submissive with Jungkook. One word from him and they were already spilling everything.

Joy was smiling at him too.

“Thank you, girls, you were the most helpful.” Jungkook said, already squeezing his step towards where you were.

Arriving in front of the administration building, Jungkook thought it was best to wait outside. You didn't seem happy with him the last time you'd seen each other, and he didn't need to give you another reason to be angry.

He waited for about twenty minutes. For a moment he considered that you were already gone. Fortunately, Jungkook had faith, and a huge sexual tension to resolve.

Leaning against the wall, he watched you walk through the door and pass in front of him. Quickly, he grabbed you gently by the wrist.

“What the hell.” You practically yelled.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Jungkook released you. For a moment he thought you were gonna punch him.

“What’s wrong with you, Jeon?”

Not even his last name sounded like it used to in your voice. Before, he could feel that you were teasing him but now it was just a way of showing a certain kind of contempt.

Jungkook took a deep breath, taking a long time to speak to you.

“Look, I'm sorry for the way I treated you earlier this week. You were right, I was being an asshole.” He threw up the words.

He's so confusing.

You were looking at him with a frown. He could feel your breaths were in sync.

“What made you admit it now?”

Do not fall for his words, Y/N – you kept repeating yourself in your head. You had been successful in avoiding his presence the last few days, you were upset at him for the way he had treated you, although you were never going to admit it.

You didn’t even tell your friends what happened. Well, to be honest, you just omitted the part where he suddenly started acting cold towards you right after the deed.

You didn’t have much choice but to tell them that you had slept with him, since basically every soul in college seemed to know that you had arrived along with him that day. Your friends were beyond ecstatic even though you made sure to ensure them that it was just a hook up, and that it wasn’t going to happen again.

No Sir, you were going to be a strong soldier and no matter how fucking hot he looks right now, you are not going to give in this time.

Not even when you kept thinking since that day on how good and big he felt inside you that day at the library. God, you’re fucked. And horny. Again. What has he done to your mind?

Leaving all these intruding thoughts on hold, you tried to compose yourself and not showing any kind of reaction before he could respond your question.

Due to the position from where you were talking, you now had your back to the wall while Jungkook had one of his hands at your side. 

Your face was pointed upwards, you knew how to position yourself as superior despite the obvious height difference between you two.

And then he finally opened his mouth.

“The fact that I can't stop thinking about you.” He leaned down, talking into your ear.

Soldier down.

Jungkook wasn't lying, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about you since that day at the library. Well, maybe, in all honesty, he couldn’t stop thinking about you since the night at the pub.

However, he didn't want to let his guard down with you right now, so he did his best to make that phrase as sexual as possible.

And he saw that it had had an effect. Your lips were parted, and he could feel that you were, for the first time, at a disadvantage.

You stared at him in bewilderment, not as if you doubted what he was saying, but stunned by the sincerity he conveyed.

Jungkook braced both hands on the wall, trapping you between them. “I could lie about anything but this,” He leaned close to your lips and whispered. “I haven't been able to think of anything else for the last three days.”

Another truth, but lest it sound too romantic, Jungkook traced his gaze from your mouth to your thighs.

He felt your hot breath find his face. Your lips were trembling.

 Fuck it.

“I hate you so much when you act like this.” You replied on his lips.

Faster than Jungkook realized, you ran a hand through his hair, bringing him closer to you.

You started a kiss, not giving him space to back away. Jungkook's hands were automatically on your waist, squeezing you.

He heard small moans come out of your mouth as one of his hands came down to your ass.

Your hands went down to his neck and your nails began to scratch gently. Jungkook felt his pants getting tighter and tighter. Holding you against the wall, he worked his mouth down the length of your neck, making you moan even more.

His mouth descended to your collar, distributing kisses and little hickeys.

Suddenly, you realized where you were and what you were doing so, you pulled him up, making you both face each other.

You were breathing hard, and your face was confused. You seemed to consider whether to say something or not.

“Y/N…” Jungkook started.

“Take me to your place.” You said between sighs as you kept your eyes locked on his.

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⏤ author's note❧ just a little bit of angst for this chapter! 🙃 how are we feeling about the story so far? A huge appreciation for everyone who has been supporting and leaving beautiful comments. As always, don't hesitate on leaving your feedback, reblog, send me asks, whatever you'd like. It would all be very welcomed and it really serves as inspiration for me to keep on writing 💜

⏤ tag list❧ @chimsworldsstuff @erica2283 @ahgasegotarmy116

[sehodreams]

Hey guys, hope you're all okay with the current situation.

After a couple days, I'm finally more level-headed to talk about this without crying, so I wanted to make a little announcement.

I'll close this blog until new notice, I'm supporting the boycott, and yes, I still love the boys.

I know for some people the boycott seems useless since Seunghan already left, and I'll be fr with you all. Now, I don't know if I (emphasis on I) want him back. What happened was traumatizing in so many ways, I just want him to breathe and get better. I'd love it if he came back, but after everything that happened, I only hope he can be happy, regardless of what his decision is.

Still, I find the boycott extremely important because this has become a precedent I don't want to see again.

Over the years being an SM stan I've seen uncountable times how the company has done nothing to support their artists, and I don't want to support such a useless place anymore.

Being an older fan I'm thankful that my boys have careers stable enough to not depend entirely on the company, but even like that, my older boys (Suho, Chanyeol, Xiumin) have talked about how the company has mistreated them despite the time they have there, which makes me think that SM might be genius at finding talents, but they have no idea how to treat them.

What I'm talking about is not my imagination at all. In the past, cases like Henry, JYJ, F(x) and others have been handled like shit, and I simply don't want the rest of Riize to go through that. As I said, there are precedents, and Seunghan's case is merely one more on the list for them.

Yes, they're a big entertainment company, they'll never be affected by one member leaving since they can simply not care and they'll continue making a ton of money. They could easily find a replacement, or even worse, create another group and forget about all of them (No one will ever make me forget f(x) so don't pretend it hasn't happened). And we've seen that it doesn't matter what we think, they'll continue with their own thing if we're not loud enough (Yes, I understand the concept of obligations, but to have contractual obligations doesn't mean they can continue moving in silence). The boycott, in no way, it's the only way fans have tried to make their feelings clear. It's the last resort to be loud enough.

Honestly, I never expected things to get so out of control. I thought it would be like Chen's case. Maybe a little noise and then things would continue with presentations of Riize as 7 like nothing, as if this was just one of the things we'd remember as a fandom but finally move on from.

Of course, we've seen that this idea was extremely wrong.

I considered common sense like reason enough for Seunghan to come back, and that blinded me into not considering that: 1) Seunghan was still a rookie without stable years of trajectory with a fandom way younger and immature, and 2) Common sense is not an objective or strong enough fundament on which a conclusion could be developed from.

I might sound dumb or pretentious as fuck in that last sentence, but the translation of it is just: I didn't consider those crazy assholes would send a hundred funeral wreaths and bully Seunghan until he left (Only because he dated a girl before debut. Let's be honest, the cigarette was never the cause of this hate.)

This whole post might sound like an order to boycott, but I have no control over anyone's actions as much as no one can't control mine. We, in the end, are free to do whatever we want. I won't judge people who will continue consuming SM's content (let's not forget, Riize's content IS SM's content) as much as no one should judge me for deciding to support the boycott. We all have our own reasons, morals, and values, and that's something I appreciate a lot from the fact that we as people (I deeply hope we all) have the freedom to decide how to act for our own wishes. And, as much as I appreciate my freedom to do what I want, with this last resort I hope Riize gets a fraction of said freedom.

I based my decision to support this boycott on the fact that there are too many cases of SM having terrible management with their idols for years and that I don't want Riize to ever be wrongly treated by them again. First was Seunghan, bullied until he was kicked out/forced to leave, but let's not forget what happened when Anton's picture with his friend (holding hands) got leaked from her private account, and when the picture of Sohee and his friend (kissing his cheek) did too. Like this, we don't know with accuracy what other privacy could be violated tomorrow, who the affected one in the group will be, or the SK fans' reaction.

Will they be forgiven? Will they be forced to apologize? We don't know, and there's no way to conclude what the reaction will be.

I understand that all the boys are going through something delicate right now and that some people might not want to affect them more, I respect their choice to not support the boycott, but in my opinion, the situation already got out of control, and this damage might never be fixed, but the next one could be prevented.

I could continue with a whole post about SM mistakes and how useless they are, but I feel my disappointment should be directed to real action now.

I hope we all (the people who wish to support the boycott) do it better this time, and this means, no kind of interaction with Riize's new official content.

That should be the bare minimum for the case, but I'm not really someone who gets satisfied by the bare minimum.

I (again, emphasis on I) consider that there's no official content that doesn't go with this little standard. With this, I mean fanfiction, fanmade videos, and anything based on Riize's new content (even old one, but I'm a little tired of continuing this idea, you can think on your own). Therefore, I won't be writing for Riize to also support this boycott. (I know some might laugh saying You didn't even post that much anymore, well yeah that was a block but now it's a decision.)

I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable enough to write about Riize again, but I hope not much time goes by. In my case, I don't expect Seunghan back because I don't know what he's really thinking, and I deeply wish he did, but I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want after these traumatic events.

I could say he has to come back, but deciding to be more empathetic, I don't wish any kind of hate (and definitely not this kind of hate) over anyone, not writers, not fans, not idols, so I don't expect him to be on the public eye immediately after officially leaving the group, but I do not want to support a company that puts all their idols to this kind of risk, and I expect them to at least show they're doing something to prevent this on the future.

There's a concept I remember a lot, and it's that by doing nothing you're still risking a result. SM, being silent and non-acting, is putting all the boys at risk, and I only expect SM to prevent this invasion of privacy and damage from repeating and the situation from getting out of control again.

We, as fans, have no obligation to protect them, but SM is their employer, and as such, they have it. Yet, until now, these roles have been reversed.

I believe SM has the resources to do something, and until that happens, I hope we continue giving the message through the only way they'll listen: The boycott.

[writersdare]

All Too Well | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: It's the first time ever when Calum and Y/N didn't need to be apart, as they were going on tour together. However, things could never just be perfect, could they?

Warning: angst, fluff, a bit of cursing

Word Count: 1 725

Requested: yes

Author’s Note: This was the one I worked really hard to make it softer than it initially was. It'd say it's more of an angst story still, however, not too heavy, and there are sweet moments, too ♡ Inspired by Taylor Swift's short film "All Too Well". I hope you'll like it!

It almost felt like Christmas, when Y/N and Calum took a seat next to each other in the plane. It was the first time when the girl was going on tour with him, and both were very excited.

Cal was really glad they finally managed to go together, they didn’t need to be separated for so long again. 

Y/N could compare it with a miracle, truly. The last month was very stressful, as she had to do a lot at work before getting a remote project. At some point Y/N even doubted she was going to finish everything in time. However, there she was, holding a hand in Calum’s, while he was quietly sleeping on her shoulder. There was no need to be homesick, because Cal’s home was right next to him. And Y/N didn’t need to learn how to live alone again, because she was in the company of a loved one.

Sometimes “too perfect” could bring unexpected problems. It couldn’t all go smoothly. The musician wasn’t exactly a pessimist, but he always agreed with that way of Y/N’s thinking. 

However, Calum didn’t exactly expect his girl to blow up easily only because he didn’t pay much of attention to her after a concert. For Cal it wasn’t a big deal. Once they finished the performance, everyone went to have dinner in their dressing room, not being able to wait for any longer and go to some restaurant nearby. It was a usual evening, chatting with the bandmates and discussing how good the concert was. Y/N was happy that fans were welcoming and active during the whole show, and of course, she could share the joy of her boyfriend, but it still felt slightly uncomfortable. Even though they started dating a while ago, Y/N didn’t know Calum’s friends well. She surely didn’t mind him spending time with them, but the girl hoped for some little reassurance here and there; after all, it was the first time, when she went on tour. Few attempts to join the conversation were interrupted by her own boyfriend, and Y/N’s mood went down completely. Yet, she stayed polite and kept smiling lightly, ignoring unpleasant feelings inside. The girl didn’t ask for much, she only hoped Cal would stop making her feel that dumb, would stop as if reminding her that she didn’t belong there. As if she wasn’t there at all, even when Y/N tried to touch Calum’s palm. She wasn’t begging for attention, the girl only thought that as she came with him, they’d spend more time together. Wasn’t it the point? All of sudden Y/N felt like a mannequin which Cal would look at only when he needed it. 

“You just walked in the room and behaved as if I wasn’t there!”

Y/N tried. She really tired. The girl promised herself she wouldn’t make a scene, she wouldn’t argue, because it was a very wrong place and time. However, Calum brought up the topic himself, saying she was “hell annoying” and looked “weirdly upset.”

“I was fucking tired! Exhausted, Y/N! I didn’t mean anything, I was just hanging out with my friends!” Cal blew up immediately, although by nature he was pretty calm. “I’d look at you if you’d jump around, sing for few hours, Y/N. Would you have powers for anything else after it?” the guy run a hand through his hair and sighed heavily, apparently analysing what he had just said.

Calum used to say he valued words a lot, the musician hated when people would tell things they didn’t actually mean. He never rushed up to answer on the interviews; Cal liked to think first, before saying anything, completely anything. Perhaps, that’s why sudden accusations shocked Y/N that much. If he said it, he probably really meant it, and that was quite upsetting. The girl never even dared to think that Calum wasn’t a hard worker or that his job wasn’t difficult. Of course, it was, and she knew it very well. That’s why Y/N was always there, supporting him no matter what. And yet, she couldn’t get the connection between him acting like a moron during the dinner and blaming her for saying he wasn’t tired. She never even said it.

“You know what? Back off," after a short pause Y/N realised that she was too overwhelmed to continue arguing. These past days were rather exhausting, the trip, so far, was very stressful as there were too many unknown faces, and Cal’s words didn’t exactly make the girl feel any better.

“Y/N…”

“No, Cal, you’re right," she nodded, being dangerously calm.

The girl grabbed a bag and threw a phone in there. Y/N wasn’t going to leave, it’d be too immature of her, but she desperately needed fresh air and time alone at that moment. Lately it was getting harder to breathe, and she finally admitted that she was simply choking. Being busy with tour and job issues the girl didn’t have time to check on herself. For some reason, Calum didn’t see it either, apparently, he was busy working, as well. She knew how it could be, so the girl wasn’t blaming him. At times Cal couldn’t take care even of himself. 

"How would I know? You’re the only one who works hard," Y/N snapped, regretting she took that hell of a project at first place just to be closer to Cal. What for? Surely, emotions were speaking at that moment, and sometimes it was very hard to gain control of them. Suddenly nothing was working anymore, their relationship included.

“I didn’t mean it this way," Calum’s voice became small, too. He gently touched the girl’s wrist with his fingers, and felt a little relief, as Y/N didn’t attempt to break the touch. However, her eyes didn’t give him any hope.

“No, you did.”

“No, I didn’t," he hurried up to deny. "Look, I’m just stressed, I swear I…" her hand slipped through his fingers, and Y/N headed to the exit of the dressing room. "I know you’re… Y/N, c’mon! Don’t do this right now!" Cal outraged. "We’re trying to talk, and you’re running away again!"

"It’s you, who is trying to talk, Calum!" the girl turned around quickly, hoping her body wouldn't betray, and salty tears wouldn’t flow down the cheeks. "You can’t even understand me! I worked as hard as you to get here at first place! I don’t mind you hang out with friends and have a rest after the concerts, but since the day one of the tour you’ve never asked how I was feeling! I don’t even know these people! They are total strangers to me," she finally broke in tears. Cal didn’t dare to touch her and only watched from the distance. "And this evening I only asked for a small reassurance, I wanted to feel that you’re here with me, because I don’t feel damn comfortable here, I need time! And now you make me feel like a total dickhead for asking that, because you are damn tired, because you had a show to perform! Maybe it was a bad idea to come with you at first place. It could have been totally different," she shook the head and looked down, wiping the tears with her fingers quickly.

A storm was attacking inside, Cal wanted to say a lot, but words got stuck in his throat.

"I had no idea," he finally mumbled, feeling rather ashamed. "This tour… is really important to me," the musician continued, even though everything didn’t seem to have any sense once he spoke it out loud. "I was too focused on work, but it doesn’t mean I forgot about you, Y/N," Cal made a step forward and reached out to her uncertainly. The fingertips didn’t touch hers, he was waiting for the girl to do it instead, if she wanted to. Or waiting to give him a sign that he was allowed to.

The girl closed the eyes for a moment and shook the head negatively. She touched a handle of the bag to avoid Calum’s sudden affection. 

"I know it’s hard for both of us," she spoke up quietly. "But we need to learn how to understand each other, and I’m tired of being the only one who is trying to do that. Relationships don’t work this way."

"I know. I fucking know," he lost it, made a step forward and squeezed Y/N in his arms, resting a head on her shoulder. For that Cal had to bend down a little, but it was worth it. "I’m sorry."

A heavy sigh left Y/N’s lips. She looked up on the ceiling, hoping to stop herself from crying again. Just some time ago Calum was behaving like a sick superstar, and now he was asking for forgiveness. Why was it always like a seesaw with him? And why did she still love him?

The girl closed the eyes and tilted her head to touch the top of his with a tip of a nose. Cal smelled with berries – a shampoo she bought him few days before the very first tour. Since that time she was always doing it, and Calum was always taking the black jar with blueberries on the cover with him. Funny, that smell reminded him of her. And to Y/N that smell reminded her of them. Them, being together, happy, in love.

"I love you," she whispered, feeling that sudden wave of affection after a long day and bitter argument that left a small but still a wound on the heart.

"I love you more," he whispered back and hid the face in a crotch of her neck, leaving then a short kiss on her skin. 

The touch was too familiar to give up on everything they went through. Calum knew he needed to keep in mind that the tour was going to be be different, as his girl was there. He needed to give Y/N time, as it wasn’t normal for her as for him, who has been performing since a young age.

"I know I didn’t give you the best tour experience so far," Cal whispered in her ear after a long silence. "But, please, let me try again."

taglist: @dgrangaa, @gracieboogirl

– gifs aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner, found the 1st one here @uservalentine & the 2nd one here @carriedawayfromhome –

© writersdare | all rights reserved

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

[littleshysheep-at-da]

Okay so like Kyouya is probably my fav KumoDesu Characters and I want to Post a Point about his Character that lives Rent Free in my head (and a bunch of stuff related to it) but I am gonna have to Trigger tag it.

So TW: Sucdial Idealization and PTSD

… I think the fact I didn’t censor those Words does mean this Post will be hidden by Tumblr more,,, sorry

But it think I would have to censor everything then RePost it for it not be hidden

Btw I always call him Kyouya because that is actually a real name and fantasy names (ie Wrath) just… doesn’t sound like a name to me and brain feels weird using it as such.

Also because this is from my Opinions Doc (tm) it is gonna mention some very briefly Ship Discourse stuff that I have Written Out but REFUSE to Post because I just feel it’s wrong too? Like I’ll mention NOTPs in passing but Posting a whole Rant about it just feels a wrong? If I ever Post it I won’t tag it.

Also Blatant OT3 Shun x Katia x Kyouya Vibes along with Shiro x Ariel as the Parents to Mera, Kyouya, and Sophia as Always.

Anyway!

-Kyouya Facade:

So a thing that bugs me A LOT is I’ve seen people dumb Kyouya down to “cool samurai” and it’s not that he isn’t but it’s one of those “people being wrong about a character in the way that character wants them to be”. Kyouya puts on the facade of being a cold heart warrior who doesn’t care about others but that is very explicitly explained as him forcing himself. The others see it too. When Shiro dispels Wrath (vol 9) she mentions he looks miserable. When Kyouya forces Katia to back down (vol 14) Shiro mentions it seems like he doesn’t want to be that way. Shun mentions there’s a moment we’re Kyouys seem just Broken and Tired (vol 15). It’s not sub text nor stubble so people missing it confuses me. Kyouya himself mentions (vol 13) that he feels he’s not allowed to be sympathetic to the soldiers he hurts. He feels he has to resolve himself to not show remorse (or pain or worry or his own feelings really) for his goal. That showing those emotions would be wavering and he can’t let it be in vain. But GOD reading his perspective from anywhere past vol 10 just sounds like Suicidal ideation. He intended to die for his goal so after the war I feel he would be the most lost and the most depressed. He goes from working 24/7 for this goal to just empty. He completed it and didn’t die, now what? Left alone with his thoughts would be torture. I think this is where the others come in strongly. Shun and Katia are both very good at reading people and I think they would be very firm about wanting to talk to him. I think Ariel would see the destructive thought processes she herself has had in the past and would intervene. Sophia wouldn’t get it whatsoever but she herself would get lonely and come up with excuses for them to hang out as a (family) group again so she would end up being helpful. I feel Mera would take longer to see it but once he does he’s very firm about Kyouya needing company.

-Kyouya vs Ariel Depression:

Side Note is I do not think Ariel is currently Suicidal when we meet her or onward of that. It sounds like she had a period of it during Sariel getting put into the system. Her relationship with thinking she’s gonna die during her mission is more of being realistic about her limits. She’s old as fuck and knows she won’t be able to last much longer but she’s not trying to die she just vaules her goal more than her life. Meanwhile though I say Actively Suicidal I think Kyouya is kinda unaware. He’s basically using the war as an excuse to chase death without being 100% aware. It’s honestly some very typical Romanticization of war and “Dying For The Cause” that we see him trying to use as a distraction. Past the Goblin Village he feels so broken and has lost sight of values and self worth. He tries to find a meaning to it all by dedicating himself to a cause (when he asks Ariel if there’s anything he can do for this world vol 8) but the reality of war just hurts him further. The line from Dustin about how “if they stop now how can they justify all the lives they’ve already sacrificed for the cause” (vol 16? And Dustin sunk cost fallacy much?) if it kinda makes everything worse for Kyouya. Kyouya already felt like he wasn’t allowed to feel bad for the things he’s done because he made his choice but this sort of cements the “if I’m sorry I wasn’t ready or serious enough” in his mind. It’s basically a terrible spiral of a philosophy that goes against the first thing any therapist would ever tell you and that is “do not bottle up your feelings” the feelings are not the issues it’s how we react to them.

Unfortunately this is actually pretty common in how real world trauma is handled, and is something that the Romanticization of War does in real life (though this also applies to all trauma because I need people to stop thinking war is the only thing you can get PTSD from). The thing with trauma is well intentioned people will tell you you're still the same person, basically trying to refute that you're broken saying you still have the same value. But the thing is trauma does permanently change you (side note life in general will change you anyway so it’s not like you would remain unchanged either way). You will never be the same person and people trying to insist a traumatic event didn’t change you often feel like invalidating that experience. You still have value is a good thing to say but not when it unhinges on you being unchanged. When we treat soldiers as heroes to look up to and don’t acknowledge the complicated horrible reality of war we’re creating a situation where they will have trouble addressing their trauma. If everyone’s treating them like a hero how come they don’t feel like one basically (war is bad basically but I digress).

KumoDesu is accidentally a really good Story about War that does not shy away from harsh realities.

Kyouya Housewife:

I think what Kyouya wants in life is to be a Housewife ngl. Like he was most satisfied working to support people he was close to both in his past life online game and the goblin village. Plus I think though he did that by making weapons he would prefer not to have to fight. What if he makes good knives and just starts cooking for people, I think it would be good for him. Like I don’t have more words right now so this is short but I could go off here.

We can most compare him to Emiya Archer from Fate here ngl (his skill is basically Emiya Archer too). And even the most DudeBros Asshats still know Archer is a HouseWife at heart (which, to get on a Ship Discourse thing from earlier, is why it bothers me so much why I see people try to portray Kyouya as “Masc Cool Silent” type because if you understood Archers implications how did you misunderstand Kyouya direct wording of perfecting support roles?). The Emiya Archer thing is a big reason I think Kyouya should learn how to cook and/or eventually be good at cooking. It just suits his character type. Or maybe Kyouya should get way too into Gardening lol. He already has experience in that.

-Gonna add some Relevant stuff about Shun and Katia here BTW!

-Shun is the anti Toxic Masculinity:

So if it’s not obvious let me point this out; Shun is a Parody of the overpowered Isekai Protagonist. Basically he’s set up to look like he’s in the position of one but his internal monologue basically tells us how deeply unprepared he is. I was surprised that some LN readers dislike him, I thought most of his hate came from the terrible Adaptation version of him. But thinking for the short bit it makes sense, he is the Anti Power Fantasy (and Anti-Incel lol, not all harem fantasy is Incel-ish but OH BOY HAVE I SEEN SOME SHIT). Shun is basically a realistic mentality of “a fantasy world without modern luxury would suck actually” and is realistically woefully underprepared for everything (Shinji Ikari from Eva vibes anyone? Expect like a healthier person). And look maybe it’s just because my health is terrible and I could not survive without modern science but I personally have never had the desire to go to a fantasy world and have never really understood the want some people have (I just wanna read weeb shit I’m good). It’s sad it takes till vol 15 where Shun has THE BEST rant internal monologue about how he’s basically an npc and is soooo unprepared for all this hero nonsense.

We also get a lot about Shun’s discomfort with killing (I believe in vol 15 if not 14) and how it’s just something he never had to think about. He’s never even had to kill for food so how easy death is and how little life is worth in a fantasy is something he has a lot of trouble reconciling with.

I will say the biggest point I want to make is that Shun actually has a pretty Healthy Mentality during the whole Series due to one key trait: he is completely unafraid to admit to his weakness and ask for help. He knows he’s useless in some regards but has absolutely no problem with admitting that and instead looking for things he can do. He does not have the mentality of bottling up his feelings or needing to put on a strong face. A good character comparison would be Stark from Frieren, he is fearful but that does not make him weak, it makes him stronger to be able to acknowledge how he actually feels. I also really like how appreciative Shun is of the help he receives. He knows where he stands and knows he would be lost without the people helping them and lets them know (especially him and Katia, he’s very blunt about how much is a help to him).

Now I don’t think Shun should be in a Leader/Hero role though, and the thing is he knows he’s unqualified as a Hero. It’s just so out of the scope of anything he’s used to and he makes this point. Shun is basically a npc that was destined to be a Salaryman. Again that “your modern everyday person is used to the relatively peaceful modern convenience”. I will also argue that Shun does not have a Hero Complex or feel he needs to be a hero. It’s more he’s trying to emulate Julius, who is someone he looked up to greatly, because he has no idea what else to do.

Bonus another point about him being a joke on Isekai Protags is he is surrounded by women but only Katia is actually a love interest to him. Anna is basically his Mom, Miss Oka is also a Guidance/Teacher Figure, Fei is his friend (and probably more of a sibling than Sue), Sue is actually unhinged insane, and Yuri is a different brand of unhinged insane disconnected with reality (think she only likes Shun because he’s the Hero and that what the church said the saint should follow). So aside from Katia everyone falls into Familiar/Friend or Batshit insane.

-Shun and Julius:

The fun part about Shun as a Character is he is painfully aware how much of an NPC he is and that he doesn’t fit the role of Hero. Which is why I think he looks up to Julius so much and later on tries to emulate him. He quite frankly knows he has NO IDEA what he is doing and wants to be as level headed and smart as Julius. I think that his idol-like obsession with Julius comes from his own insecurities.

-Katia Anxiety:

I think Katia is very protective of her boys. It’s kinda obvious when she meets Shun again and then when they get in dangerous situations. She’s so scared of losing the people she cares about (I think she’s often the most aware of how different and how dangerous the fantasy world is compared to their previous lives). I think the realization Kyouya probably isn’t on their side (because of how Oka kept avoiding the topic) probably hurt her a lot, because she doesn’t want to abandon him but also is too scared about losing Shun as it is (and I feel like when she puts everything together after the fact she feels super guilty for not pressing more). It kinda seemed she really didn’t have many people she was close to in her past life and the fact that Shun (and I’m gonna Headcanon here later Kyouya) still accept her despite everything that’s “different” (cough cough egg cracked) is huge to her. I’m glad in the Novel Shun always does a very good job conveying how much he appreciates, relays on, and trusts her because god she needs it.

[trickingbell]

Sisselcon Reference Page

Opening up my skull so she can fly out like a moth. FIANSISSEL!!!! Below is all the info and a bunch of doodles I have of her! I typed so much...whoops

When I first finished grick, Yomiel was burning me. I cared him so bad. Then learning he was a wife guy made it so much worse. Things happened. She faded into reality because they're inseparable and I can't think of one without the other they deserve to be happy oh don't Start.

Miss Sissel is the CEO of her own contract engineering company! Her half-mechanic and half-business portfolio has made her and her employees a MUST SIGN ON for other businesses. A go to for any big tech project needs!! (Name pending, I forgot to write it down. Let's just call it Sisco Inc). Despite the smiles and sun, she runs her people like the navy and while ideal on paper...Sissel'd character ends up making employees and contractors alike feel like they're walking on glass. On floor made of ice...

In simpler terms, she's a brat. Blunt, whiny, picky and obnoxious since she can get away with it. But she does have a heavy heart of love, thankful for the people who stick around after the initial spike trap of her personality. Which is her "Miel" aka Yomiel. Obviously.

Spinning each other around. Yomiel's got a spike trap too but the both of them ran over each other's and tripped head over heels like idiots. Particular picky people with prickly personalities perfectly poke one another in a perfect way~ They give everything to one another straight and as is which made all of their talks easier and better to have. The honesty and understanding two people like them absolutely value when others are harder to get the same out of. Because of it they completely avoid anything complicated or difficult since they're sooooo on the same wavelength...which is again good on paper but bad in practice. Making situations like her suicide possible, gone over without much knowledge of it. If that makes sense? I hope it does, I don't mind answering questions about the them in my head. HAPPIER NOTE: They're both stem idiots who don't know how to cook. They rely on the microwave like one of the gods...

She's an only child of one mother and one father. And... friendless. For reasons mentioned above, you can sort of guess that there aren't many people who tolerate her. However, post-canon this changes significantly when a Sissel Mix-up happens and she firmly attaches herself to the Jowds. Alma and her don't have many things in common, but that doesn't mean the company isn't enjoyed. Sissel learns a lot about socializing and connecting with people due to her growing friendship with Alma. A real admiration of...so many things Sissel suddenly cares about adapting into herself while Yomiel is locked away. Almost like a beautiful-woman-wife-mentor (Alma will laugh and take the silly compliment)

Jowd had intended to never cross paths with her if he could help it, post-canon at least. Unfortunate. Now that they have though, while meeting under much calmer circumstances, they're unpleasantly similar. Which is shocking, because they really really don't seem like it. Like at all. Sissel is fine getting to add him to her catalogue of people who tolerate her. But she isn't blind. There's a certain unease she can tell coming off of him but chalks it up to the whole... husband in the park and prison thing. Because of the Sissel Mix-Up, she doesn't really hate him for it. Maybe on a bad night, but there's other things she'd rather focus on when she remembers that this SHOULD be awkward....More of that avoiding difficult things if she can.

On the opposite end from Sissel and Jowd....Cabanela is... At the request of her beloved Miel, she promised to not let despair over his absence take up the most of her feelings. She has to live. Whatever he means by that... But she can't get rid of it magically. The sudden relationships she's gotten from Jowd and Alma are pleasant and distracting. This proximity unfortunately means that Cabanela is Around. That despair of hers inches up and makes her bitter at the thought of him. A white coated reminder in the middle of all her distractions that makes her want to give up...but she promised. Miel didn't say anything about anger. If it keeps her alive, she'll be angry. Spike trap made into a minefield. Bombs everywhere but hidden away...for Alma and Jowd's comfort. Without them around though... There's a lot here but this post is already so so long the sun was UP when I started typing.

Uhhh the other suggested questions. Does she have any hobbies? No, I need her to get some I need her to go outside. Likes and dislikes? She has an extreme adoration for romance media of all kind that started in childhood, it's made her ideas of it very fantasy like. You already know what happened to her when she lost her dream future. Dislikes? Cabanela, spicy foods, and a foolish encounter at work. What does she know, if anything, post-canon? Nothing about temsik, but she is suspicious of Jowd and Alma. While she's thankful and very happy around them, it is a bit Strange that she was allowed to be friends with them...and how Yomiel seemed to know them a lot for just one awful day...Suspects some sort of cheating soap opera drama akin to her romance tales. Where Kamila is Yomiel's daughter, and this was all a sham to get rid of him that Backfired on everyone...

I'm alright and okay with any genres of her! No gore though or of her canon suicide. I want to draw it myself one day, so maybe some other time! Suggestive/NSFT? Go for it. I'd also like a heads up though about it.

LASTLY. HERE'S FICS I'VE MADE WITH HER IN THEM Times They Saw Her It's Still A Special Day You Keep Me Awake(Without meaning to)

EXTRA DOODLES AND DRAWINGS I HAVE OF HER

[shunin-gumis]

(Not) Lonely SANTA's Mission - Track 06

Seasonal Event: Christmas 2024

The plan goes like this— 

The operation will commence tomorrow at 2 AM, on the night of Christmas Eve, when everyone will be asleep.

I’ll sneak into their rooms quietly and slip my handmade bath bombs (filled with flower petals) under their pillows.

Of course, I’ll also deliver the presents to those who won’t be present at HAMA House at that time— 

Sonia: …I think that will be a little too hard to pull off, Nagi-shan.

Location: Flower Laundry

Sonia: Pleash take a closer look at the map we marked after getting everyone’s plans for Christmas Eve. 

Sonia: Between just Chihiro-shan’s home and Yukikaze-shan’s hotel, it’d take at leasht two whole hours to make the trip!

Sonia: Maybe you should just give them the presents directly on the 25th… 

Nagi: No way. If I was gonna do that, I would’ve made something better than some plain old bath bombs.

Nagi: The surprise factor is what adds value to my simple present.

Sonia: That's not true at all! You put in a lot of effort to choose the flowers that would match everyone individually! 

Nagi: Yeah, so about that… Maybe it’d weird them out since I practically labelled them based on what I think, so let’s just keep this detail between us.

Sonia: Wha!? Shtop acting like that, geez—! (bop, bop)

*Sonia hits Nagi*

Nagi: Ouch, ow ow… 

Liguang: Oi. What are you quarreling over?

Nagi: Oh, Liguang-san…?

~~~

Liguang: As I’d thought, your plot to be Santa wasn’t over back then.

Nagi: I can’t believe asking Sojun-san about your plans for Christmas Eve backfired on me like this… 

Nagi: The surprise is no more… 

Sonia: The plan wash imposshible from the shtart.

Nagi: No it wasn’t.

Sonia: Yesh it wash.

Nagi: It’s only over when you give up— 

Liguang: Shut up.

Nagi: …… 

Sonia: …… 

Nagi: …Sorry, Sonia. 

Nagi: I just thought that if I could be Santa— 

Nagi: ( —If I could be Santa, then maybe even someone like me could be part of a happy Christmas scene.)

Nagi: I thought I could do it, but maybe it was too much of a reach for someone like me… 

Sonia: Nagi-shan… 

Nagi: I know you were just worried about me.

Sonia: I should’ve worded it better… I’m shorry too.

Sonia: But I’m shuper happy that you have so many preshents to give this year that you can’t even hold it all in your arms.

Nagi: …Yeah.

Sonia: Nfufu.

Liguang: …… 

Liguang: (Can’t hold it all�� huh.)

~~~(flashback)

Sojun: You’ve returned sooner than expected. Was there not a Christmas party at the company?

Liguang: …I showed up, that’s more than enough. I have work to do now.

Sojun: I’ll help.

Liguang: No, it’s fine. It’s not something I need help with. You should get some rest— 

———(flashback)

Nagi:  It’s a silly thing so… It’s not worth getting anyone’s help for… 

Sojun: He’s a little similar to you, Boss.

Location: Flower Laundry

Liguang: (In the end, I always end up with more things to treasure, so much so they spill out of my hands with my inability to protect them all—)

Liguang: …Similar, huh.

Liguang: Hachinoya, hand me a pen. 

Nagi: Is black fine? We also have blue, fluorescent pink and even a clickable one with all the colors of the rainbow— 

Liguang: Just give me a regular one. 

*sound of pen scritching*

Liguang: …… 

Liguang: Hachinoya, this is my Christmas present for you.

Nagi: This is… 

Nagi: The “Dancing Bonito Flakes” card. It has a strong field effect that immobilizes all other cards for three whole turns…!

Liguang: Look at the back.

Nagi: Uh… 

Nagi: (There’s something written in English with skillful penmanship… Um…)

Nagi: I can’t read it because I only graduated middle school.

Sonia: I’ll read it for you. Let’s shee… 

Sonia: “No man is a failure who has friends.” This is a phrase from a famous Christmas movie*!

Nagi: What does it mean?

Sonia: It means that you haven’t failed if you have friends!

Nagi: …Friends… 

Liguang: …… 

Liguang: I assume that map shows the field of operations.

Liguang: …We’ll need about three more people.

Notes:

The quote is from the movie "It's a Wonderful Life."

Event Masterpost

Next Track

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

15 Day BL Challenge - DAY 24

Happy Christmas, to all those who celebrate!

Hoping everyone gets nice gifts and shares a good night with their loved ones. My family and I will be eating a Bacalhau no Forno (classic cod dish), as per Lisbon tradition, and I hope to get, at least, one album tonight, it'd make me very happy.

Anyways...

What Storyline/Trope Do You Enjoy and Wish to See More of?

Easy one.

You Make Me Want to Be Better

I think we see a lot of You Make Me a Better Person, where one of the characters is trying to actively change the other. But I think that's not such a good trope. Love, after all, is not about forcing anyone to do anything but about finding a safe place where you can fall back to in your road to being better. So, I think, having someone not only be that home but also the kickstarter to that road is really interesting and so much better.

They loved you as you were. You were the one who realized their love was so precious they should give it to someone better, so you're searching to be that person.

Perfect.

Here are some examples to illustrate:

SandRay (Only Friends)

Ray is depressed and an alcoholic and he acts arrogantly and selfishly to compensate. But when he accepts Sand's love, he accepts, at much cost, what comes with it: the realization that, yes, he is kinda broken, but even ppl like him are worthy of love and of a place in the world. And that he should fight for his future. Be someone better. So he goes to therapy and he tries rehab and he tries to be a good boyfriend. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. Do I think his road won't be bumpy? Hell no! But you don't have to succeed at first or even at all to be a better person. The effort is enough. And I appreciate that.

WenZhou (Word of Honor)

You might look at them and think I'm just talking about Kexing but I'm not. Sure the murderer to family father plotline is HYPER relevant to this conversation but we can't forget how much Zishu was also not fucking great with his assassination cult shit. This is a classic sodium chloride ship. Alone they have done terrible things. Together they've been a wonder to society, learning from the other the best there is in him and that, perhaps, sometimes, only truly they are able to see.

JackJoke (Jack&Joker)

Similar to WenZhou but without all the war crimes. This time is just normal time crimes dksjkdjskdjsd. I think we're quick to say Jack profoundly changed Joke just by being a good selfless person, which is absolutely true, but also we need to understand how Joke's vulnerability made Jack more open as well; how Joke's faith made Jack more faithful; how Joke's trust made Jack more trusting. Undeniably, they bring out the best in each other.

TongrakMahasamut (Love Sea)

Back to the beginning, this is 100% about Tongrak and how closed off, selfish, distrusting and arrogant he was and how loving Mahasamut and finally seeing the value in that love, made him a softer, calmer and more altruistic person. And none of this was because Mahasamut demanded anything bc that was the last thing he ever thought of doing, he gave Tongrak nothing but space and opinions. This was bc Tongrak came to this conclusion himself. And that's beautiful.

HONOURABLE MENTION: Poly, Ace and Aro Relationships

I just feel like we deserve companies and directors less afraid of being "offputting" or weirding out the fetishizers that lurk around. Queer people will never fit into the narrow-mindedness of the people who see us as objects for their own gains or non-human so why bother? Give us a whole series on characters like Plakao from Wandee Goodday, give us 3WBF (without Andrew Tate listeners), break a love triangle by making it a throuple, tell us more queer-platonic stories, make a plot where one of the protagonists doesn't succeed with their incessant bothering bc the other person just doesn't do romance, give us stories where there's 7 ppl, all romantically involved some way and they're all cool with it, DON'T BE AFRAID!!!

[pharawee]

Sorry to bug you, but could you give me the cliffs notes on what happened to Best and Chahub and the issues with 9naa? Thank you

Sure thing!

So basically when Best and Chahub's series Check Out first aired on iqiyi it was unavailable to watch in many countries. This prompted the director of the series to give an interview saying that the series was too explicit to show on any other platform such as youtube, and that they were looking into maybe broadcasting it via onlyfans.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with onlyfans and what it's used for, but you could argue that it's a very strange thing to say for a professional director who would probably be better off showing his series on other platforms more suited to traditional longform entertainment (like gagaoolala, the patron saint of queer media 🙏).

Add to that that pornography is illegal in Thailand, and any mentioning of it in an actor's portfolio is probably... not that great.

The director further said that during the filming of the intimate scenes they decided to do away with all protective clothing because it just couldn't be done otherwise (decades of spicy scenes in film beg to differ but ok). The actors were fully naked. They didn't decide this beforehand but directly on set. Many fans have later speculated that due to the stressful and time-sensitive nature of a film set, this might have been coercive and exploitative.

The scenes that were later shown in the series were actually not especially spicy. Certainly not spicy enough to call them "25+". Actually, they were so unremarkable (as far as spicy scenes go) that the series has since been re-released on youtube (albeit probably as a cut version? I'm not sure. I haven't watched it) - the very platform 9naa was so sure would ban them if they even so much as looked at the upload button.

Throughout the whole shock value promotion (because what else could it possibly have been?) the actors themselves stayed strangely quiet. They're apparently on record saying that they value their intimate scenes as art. That's it. There was no further promo. There were no follow-up jobs. Best and Chahub weren't in the special ep (according to mdl Best was but I can't remember him showing up hm). They were either quietly dropped by 9naa or bid their time until their contracts expired.

None of this is especially scummy or even illegal (at least as far as we know). It does leave a sour aftertaste however, because companies like 9naa always have the upper hand over their actors. A lot would have to happen for an (inexperienced) actor to speak up because breaking contracts and NDAs would mean losing their jobs and potentially being blacklisted and/or sued (even Yoon Phusanu only came forward after Y.Ent had already broken contract by not paying him until a set date).

So if a company makes weirdly sensational claims that they later either conveniently forget about or passive-aggressively backtrack on, then that's weird. If they show no interest in promoting their own talent and have a strangely high turnover rate for rookie actors, then that's even weirder.

And this isn't an isolated case. 9naa had a whole series planned with MFlow Entertainment. Beyond the Star was supposed to star actors from both companies, only for MFlow to later finish and broadcast the series on their own due to "differences in vision and work attitudes", editing out as many of 9naa's actors as they could. Weird, don't you think?

And, most recently, Cheque Wacharawee (from 9naa's Venus in the Sky) withdrew from any follow-up projects in a letter posted to his instagram because he had concerns due to work attitudes and couldn't even reach 9naa's lawyer (notice that he too only spoke up after 9naa had already violated his contract). 9naa reacted days later with their own very subdued announcement that has since been deleted. Very, very weird.

Who do you think is to blame here? The actors (most of whom are inexperienced and in Chahub's case haven't really acted since), MFlow (a small but reliable company that makes series that aren't always the most cohesive but at least the actors seem happy 🙏) or 9naa who's at the centre of it all?

Personally, as a fan of both Best Vittawin and Cheque Wacharawee, I've decided to no longer support or watch anything by 9naa. Kiseki Chapter 2 sounds nice and I hope its leads are doing well. Maybe the company has since learned from their previous unprofessionalism but people should at least be aware that they have something of a shady track record.

And if you want to support Best, you can watch his new series Knock Knock Boys which is set to release soon. 💜

[feather314]

I was thinking about how in the first game, GLaDOS says ‘we’ a lot up until the endgame, and she really doesn’t do that in the second. We can assume that this wording is referring to Aperture as a whole and their ‘public image’. In the first game, GLaDOS still has a professional attitude and is focused on running things how they’re ‘supposed’ to be run and keeping up with what Cave Johnson started. In short, using ’we’ could symbolize her loyalty to the business and to Cave. If this is the case, it reveals some interesting truths about how she is built in the second game:

Firstly, it shows that she is thinking much less of the company aspect of Aperture, which I think does show through in her actions and words. She has none of the previously mentioned ‘professionalism’ and doesn’t seem to care at all about keeping up the legacy left behind by Old Aperture. She becomes childish, throws insults around, doesn’t even pretend that she’s not being especially mean to Chell or otherwise not treating her like she would any other normal subject. This is very significant because it shows just how much her motives and values have shifted between the two games. Even after she forgives Chell, even in the co-op campaign, she still seems to have no respect left for Aperture as an organization. She gets a lot more selfish and lax with the rules and just kind of does whatever she wants (including testing robots instead of people as the original scientific mission entailed). It is up to us to wonder whether that was all just the morality and/or anger and/or curiosity cores, or whether some other event triggered this change.

Additionally, it draws an interesting parallel between her and Chell and how they each change between games. I believe it was in the developer commentary that someone talked about a certain, seemingly small detail: the fact that Chell has tied the sleeves of her jumpsuit around her waist instead of wearing it properly. Basically, it said that it symbolizes her ‘shedding’ the logo in an act of defiance and indifference to her prison, and also that she’s ‘rolling up her sleeves’ and preparing to fight dirty this time if that’s what it takes. That seems quite similar to what happened with GLaDOS. They both are cutting themselves off from the company of Aperture, and they’re both acting in what could be interpreted as defiance toward the establishment that’s keeping them both there. Even in the beginning of the game when they are clearly painted as enemies, they are in quite similar positions. Whether they realize it or not, it’s the company’s fault that they even ended up pitted against each other in the first place, and they’re only against each other to start because they’re both so stubborn that they refuse to cooperate until it’s absolutely necessary.

This could also have something to do with GLaDOS slowly realizing (or remembering, I guess) what happened with Caroline and the non-consensual computerization that happened to her all those years ago. Now that the numbing, stupefying, pacifying presence of the morality core is gone, she can see herself and her situation for what they are and can feel something wrong. Once that starts to dawn on her, perhaps she doesn’t really want to be the head of such a company anymore. She may also be doing it to defy Cave since she now knows that he’s the one who did this to her. (It’s unclear how she feels about Cave once she remembers what happened. She seems to still like him, since she hypes him up when he talks, but we can’t know for sure since she doesn’t give us much. Perhaps she’s more focused on her old self, and maybe she only starts defying Aperture to do what she thinks her old self would have wanted. But that creates an interesting contrast between her deleting Caroline and her doing what we can assume Caroline would have wanted. Maybe she realizes this, maybe not, maybe she realizes that she’s trying to heal her old wounds by deviating from the set system and she doesn’t like this and deletes Caroline to try and stop it, there’s sooo much I could talk about here. Anyway!) Similarly, Chell realizes that this place managed to drag her back down into its jaws, and is willing to do whatever it takes, to break as many rules as she needs to (again, and it will be even harder this time, and she probably knows this), in order to get out. For Chell, it’s not nearly as much of a change since she obviously never liked what was going on, but she’s now in an outright war instead of quietly trying to slip out the back door. (This brings up a possible argument as to whether or not Chell was planning to kill GLaDOS in the first game all along or whether she just went through whatever door was open and ended up in her chamber, but that’s a different post.) Maybe they’re both distancing themselves from the company facade that Aperture’s made and trying to do whatever they can to defy and escape the prison that they certainly now know that it is, whether they realize, like, or admit it or not.

Or I could be looking too far into it and it could simply be because GLaDOS finally accepted the fact that there is no more public on the surface to maintain an image for and just plain enjoys tormenting Chell with no restrictions , but that’s no fun.

[good-beanswrites]

Fuuta x Kotoko?

Waah I hope the fact that this ran a little long makes up for the lateness -- I really love the idea and was so excited to get the request!! They'd be so interesting and affect each other so much...... it makes me crazy...... It becomes canon divergent at the end because I genuinely think being in each others' company more would influence them both

Kotoko was nothing if not observant. Over the years, she’d found herself in – and gotten herself out of – enough situations to get a good read on the people she interacted with. No matter what this world threw her way, she could always rely on those abilities. And from the moment she met Milgram’s third prisoner, those abilities told her he was nothing but trouble. 

“Oi,” he’d called across the dining table during the first meal they all had shared. “What did you do to get here?”

From the moment she woke up in this strange place, Kotoko had kept to herself. It’s dangerous to charge forward and introduce oneself to a group of mysterious murderers when there are no locks on the doors. She hadn’t spoken a word to anyone, the others smart enough to heed her intense look and stay away. 

Fuuta, on the other hand, was the first to speak directly to her. He stared impatiently.

“Well?”

She noted his directness. His volume. The brashness and vulgarity she’d heard earlier in the day. His motivations and values he’d let slip in his early defenses. His anger and his fear. The suspicion in his gaze, as well as the need for reassurance in his voice. In that moment, the information clicked together in her mind, and Kotoko realized two things:

Kajiyama Fuuta was a lot like her, in the obvious ways.

Kajiyama Fuuta was nothing like her, in the ways that really mattered.

“The same reason as everyone else, I suppose,” she said carefully. He may have revealed his whole hand, but from experience she knew better than to do the same.

A lot of her experiences returned to her as the trial went on. She went through the motions of coaxing secrets out of quiet men, or playing along with cheery girls’ games to uncover what she was looking for. She remembered how it felt on stakeouts as she kept her eye on the warden’s door, and recalled the thrill of negotiation when she had a moment alone with them. And unfortunately, she recognized the immediate sensation of being tailed. She was used to shaking an unwanted follower out on the streets, but it was difficult to do the same when the only places to go consisted of three rooms and a corridor. 

No matter how inconspicuous Fuuta thought he was being, Kotoko got a glimpse of that bright hair retreating around corners just behind her. She could feel his eyes boring into her back, always conveniently whipping away by the time she turned to look. The only thing that seemed to affect his permanently blaring volume was when she was speaking nearby – unlike a real stalker who would tactfully pretend not to be listening in, Fuuta would use the opportunity to jump into all her conversations.

Kotoko was in the middle of her morning stretches when she became aware of his presence lurking around the doorway. After several weeks of the behavior, she’d had quite enough. Kotoko knew that if you can’t shake a tail, there’s only one other option. 

She stepped out of her cell, swiftly reaching for Fuuta’s collar. With a handful of his uniform, she shoved him back against the cell bars. For someone that had creeped on all her daily exercise routines, he seemed awfully shocked at how strong she was.

“Stop following me.” She kept her voice low and even. “I don’t know what you want from me, nor do I care. I will –”

“I don’t want anything from you!” 

He raised his voice in an attempt to sound tough, but only succeeded in coming off desperate. He tried to weasel out of her grasp to no avail. She’d had practice intimidating guys three times her height – it was almost too easy now that she had an inch or so on Fuuta. 

“Don’t give me that oblivious crap. Every day. Every single day, you –”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re the one who acting fucking crazy!”

Even after knowing it was in vain, he kept squirming under her harsh look. His eyes flicked frantically around the room, only able to take in her stone cold expression for a brief moment at a time. He kept shouting his own defenses, his cheeks growing more red by the second.

This time, the information gathered took a bit longer to fall into place. One of her conclusions was something Kotoko was very used to. The other was something she’d never quite experienced before. For the first time in long career of poker faces, she visibly started upon realizing two things:

Kajiyama Fuuta was downright terrified of her.

Kajiyama Fuuta was hopelessly attracted to her.

She hurriedly released him, jerking herself away. “Just… stay out of my way.”  

“I was never in your way!” He shouted after her, his voice still shaking.

She should have stuck to her own demand and kept her distance; she was already aware of how much trouble this prisoner was capable of. But she took pride in her abilities to gather information of interest. And god, was Fuuta interesting. 

Between his constantly running mouth and his never running filter, he was always keeping her on her toes. She’d never met anyone who pressed her for answers like that – Fuuta was never satisfied with the explanations that could placate everyone else. He was always questioning, always pushing back. Though his talk could be as shallow as the older prisoners' melancholy musings, or the children’s gossipy chatter, it was different when he and Kotoko really went at it in a debate.

Fuuta talked shamelessly about society, about the other prisoners, and about her. The others kept their distance from someone as quietly calculating as her, but Fuuta would pour out his thoughts right to her face. He had her back when she was trying to prove a point to the others, but was too stubborn to compromise on any of own opinions when they conflicted. It was refreshing. 

And that was all it was, she would remind herself. The man would be insufferable if he was ever under the impression that she so much as tolerated his company. For everyone’s sake, he should remain completely unaware.

Awareness, however, was the very thing Kotoko prided herself in. She picked up on exactly what the warden was trying to communicate by granting her innocence. She was aware of the opportunities that arose with their disappearance. She noted the best time to fulfill her duties to them. She knew the optimal order to attack each prisoner in, to guarantee success.

It was due to her beloved observation skills that she found herself in cell 003 in the middle of the night. It didn’t matter how many training sessions Fuuta had spectated, or how many she’d invited him to join – he wasn’t as perceptive as she. He couldn’t predict or counter a single one of her movements. It only took a few moments for her to have him pinned on the ground.

“Y-you were serious?” Fuuta managed, even as her weight made it difficult for him to breathe. 

She’d confided in him about her deal with the warden, one late night long before verdicts were announced. She didn’t know what had driven her to do it. It had been a rare lapse in her judgment. The current situation only confirmed why she should never reveal more information than necessary. Why she should get closer to someone than necessary. 

“I am always serious.”

“Kotoko…”

She knew all of Fuuta’s typical arguments and excuses, and she had a rebuttal for each. She wound her arm back, her brass knuckles reflecting in the dim panopticon light. 

“...J-just… do it fast.”

Kotoko’s arm wavered. 

“What?”

“I’m not a fucking idiot. Even before that brat called you innocent, I knew that y-you were the one in the right. I used to think that you and I were the same, but I know that was all a lie. You were always the real hero. M-more than anyone else in this shithole. So…” Fuuta closed his eyes, squeezing tears from them. “Make it quicker than you did for that asshole, will ya?” 

Kotoko gripped her fight tighter. It was trembling. 

Fuuta’s eyes remained shut in fear. In trust. His breathing was erratic as he pretended not to be crying or struggling from the pressure on his lungs. He grit his teeth, preparing himself for what was to come. Kotoko prepared herself as well. 

Releasing a cry, she swung forward. The moment before her brass knuckles clashed with the floor, just to the left of Fuuta’s face, Kotoko realized one thing:

Kajiyama Fuuta was indeed nothing but trouble.

[darth-kote]

Cutup Headcanons Pt. 1

Has made a ritual out of mealtime. It's one of the only chances throughout his day that he doesn't have to worry as much about being quiet so as not to sabotage the rest of the team. He chooses what he knows tastes the least offensive to his palate, then picks a spot to wait for the rest of the group to join him before digging in. He can unwind while replenishing his body's energy and enjoying his squad's company, even if they all tend to be quieter and let Cutup fill the void with a story General Anakin had told him or something from his day when they weren't together for a brief second. Maybe in the beginning, before passing their training, they'd yell at him to shut it, but a lot's changed since being cadets on Kamino. They seem to understand better now that he can't help it – those mile a minute thoughts bubbling to the surface. He feels they should be caught up, so he does it. He's grateful when they don't hold him to the expectation of silence.

Hate isn't a strong enough word for how he feels about authority. From the Kaminoans to trainers like Bric to even Hevy... They've all hit him where it hurts before. Of course, nowadays are better with Hevy – so much so he's practically the only person Cutup will obey. If an order comes from Rex or even their Jedi General, he can't help the cock of his brow and second glance given in Hevy's direction. Only once Hevy nods does he get to work. He's never once thought about the lack of punishment for this (doesn't even consider the possible consequences as he does it), and he has no idea how many times Hevy has had to defend him for it when he wasn't around to hear.

When he sees Clone Force 99 around, he can't help but feel like a fan too nervous to approach their celebrity crush. He just thinks they're so cool. He remembers a time when he'd loathed to be labeled defective. (I mean, who wouldn't?) But sometimes when he's around the rest of his brothers for extended periods of time (Domino Squad not included), he can't help but feel a little out of place. Once, when CF99 had joined them for a brief mission, he'd escorted them to the mess hall in utter silence – which is not in his nature. Their Sergeant, Hunter, had noticed him slip away from the group and asked where he was going. "What do you mean?" Was all he could think to ask. "Eat with us!" The tallest one, Wrecker he'd heard him call himself, interrupted, "You're defective like us, aren't you?" The chuckle in his tone almost made Cutup forget about the fresh red webbing of scar tissue across the side of the other clone's skull. Since then, he's been dreaming of getting assigned to a mission with CF99; ideally with the rest of Domino Squad along for the ride. It just wouldn't be right without them by his side.

Loves giving and receiving gifts. The object in question doesn't have to be of much monetary value – or any at all, actually. It's more about the fact someone thought of him when they saw it. That they've gone even further to pick it up and bring it back to him means the world and then some. Although he doesn't have much space to store or display anything too large, he's just as grateful and excited to appreciate the trinket (sometimes an extra smooth pebble, other times a rusted peace of metal from who knows what abandoned machinery) before propping it up to glint in the sun or burying it shallowly in the dirt. He likes to think that perhaps he might return to it one day, after the war, when he has more space to call his own.

In terms of giving, Cutup's extremely thoughtful if not a little mischievous by nature. Once, he stole Droidbait's blaster and cleaned the whole thing without being asked too. When he started to hear his brother getting worried that the weapon couldn't be located, he kept the thing hidden to make the surprise more... well, surprising. He got a good shove to the shoulder when he finally revealed that he'd had it the whole time, but a warm smile quickly followed as Droidbait noticed the work that'd been done on it. He's done the same with a helmet or two... When the opportunity arises, Cutup will sneak a couple extra bacta patches while Kix has his back turned, and he'll hand them out to his squad as needed.

S/o to @harmless--dreamer for the inspo to write more Domino Squad and CF99 together. Hope this satisfies the itch a little for now ((: