#i swear there were consecutive days where this was the Only Song I listened to. i listened to it at the office and.

[sciderman]

so spotify wrapped came in and candyman is my most listened to song of the year and it's solely because of the spideycablepool fic (i listened to it en loope while writing it)

[bakugou-tm]

Gangster AU ║Bakugou K. Pt 3

plot: Trying to fix your brother’s mistake, you’re forced to do favors from one of Musutafu’s notorious mafia lords: Yo Shindo. On your second mission for the mafia leader, you catch another infamous mafia lord’s eye but not in the way you’re expecting.

part one part two part three part four

warnings: swearing, suggestive language

wc: 3200+

mood song: safety net

a/n: Listen I don’t know where this shit came from but please take advantage of my motivation while I have it. I’ve been in a consecutive two year writers block so eat it up

You’ve had bizarre dreams in the past, but none compared to this one.

Usually they consisted of you turning into a fairy and fighting a revolution against the trolls, or you running from a serial killer who ended up being your frightening ex-boss; but this one... it was like none other you had.

You couldn’t really move from the position you were in, though nothing was truly holding you down, it just felt like your bones were a trillion times lighter than they actually were. You were able to look around your dream but it didn’t help much, you were surrounded by an overwhelming darkness.

You couldn’t speak but you could surely hear your own thoughts. It felt like you had been here for hours, maybe even days.

Was this really a dream?

Or were you just telling yourself that so you could shove down the thought that you were dead?

Desperately you tried to remember what had happened before you had come to this state. Your brother had done something stupid... no surprise there, and he got you in this big deadly fiasco of a mess.

The more you tried to remember the more you felt your head begin to ache so instead, you sat in silence. Letting the overwhelming sound of nothingness fill you up. For a moment you thought it would actually let it consume you until a familiar voice began to softly echo in your “dream”.

Your head shot up at the sound of anything familiar, desperate to return to your old life and memories.

“W..What did you say?” You replied gently, scrambling to your feet shakily only to fall back to your knees.

“(u/˥) ǝɔıoɥɔ ʇɥɓıɹ ǝɥʇ ǝpɐɯ no⅄“

The sound grew louder and you felt your body begin to warm, not realizing how ice cold you had been this entire time. Tears began to brim at the tips of your eyes as your body began to relearn what it was like to feel again.

“Huh?!” You shouted desperately, clawing at the wet ground so you wouldn’t let this voice vanish your only escape.

“You made the right choice (L/n).”

The words were loud and clear to you now as the wet floor sucked you under only to spit you out into a world of color. Your body shot up from the silky surface beneath you as you screamed out in fear, only to quickly silence when you realized where you were.

Now that you thought about it, you had no idea where you were. All you truly cared about is that you knew you were on earth. This was the real world and you were (L/n) (F/n), that’s all that mattered in the given moment.

Finally having some sense of security, you let your other senses kick in as you glanced around the room to see where you actually were. 

You seemed to be laying in a fairly large bed, the sheets unmistakably black and silky. If you hadn’t just had a coma-like dream in what felt like sticky oil, you would’ve actually admired the sophisticated taste.

Glancing down you noticed yourself covered in an oversized black t-shirt with a skull on it. This was hint number one that you weren’t anywhere you have lived, although the room itself was the main hint to that fact.

Now you were just raking through your memories to see how you could’ve ended up here. Your head hurt first off, and those words from that gruff man kept echoing in your head...

“You made the right choice (L/n).” You muttered to yourself, tapping your finger against your knee impatiently until it hit.

Bakugou Katsuki. 

You were most likely in his hideout, you were in the middle of a showdown and ended on the nasty side of it. You couldn’t quite remember how you came to be knocked out, but it might’ve had something to do with your aching head.

So does that mean you were really dead in that moment? Or just having a horrifying dream? At this point, it didn’t matter. You were alive and if you wanted to stay that way, you decided you should see what was going on.

Tossing your legs over the side of the bed you inhaled slightly before letting your feet stand firm against the cool floor beneath you, the feeling made you wince at the change in temperature.

Glancing at a mirror nearby you felt your cheeks begin to warm at the sight of your legs free, the shirt only going to the very start of your thigh. Looking around you noticed a... very bright pink robe laying atop a chair.

“Not my taste but I’m assuming this is for me...” You muttered with a raised brow, gently placing the satin robe over yourself before tying a secure knot so it wouldn’t come undone as you walked.

Now came the door, the giant intimidating black door that seemed to have no handle or knob on it. Was there a chance this wasn’t a bedroom, rather a cell? Suddenly the sound of Shindo’s voice filled your head at his previous warning.

“You think he really cares about you? Once you give him what he wants you’re only a threat to him.”

Biting your lip you tip toed towards the door, fists curled into nervous white fists as you lifted a hand to slide the door open, only for it to slide open as soon as you stepped before it causing you to squeak and jump back.

Internally you let out a sigh of relief, knowing that black haired bastard was just trying to get inside your head. You knew Bakugou wasn’t to be trusted, but you also trusted your gut.

Inhaling once more to gather up every ounce of confidence you had left after this hell of a week, you leaned the top half of your body out of the doorway, glancing down both sides of the hallway only to see a labyrinth of doors and turns.

Everything seemed fairly high tech, much to your surprise, but the lighting was also very dim which made it hard to see.

The sound of voices didn’t go past your ears though, a triumphant grin reaching your lips as you decided to let your sense of hearing take control.

Tip toeing out of the room, you began to walk towards the sound of the voices. Each turn there seemed to be something new that made you jump, whether it be the sounds of the air clicking on or the lights coming to life each time you walked by them.

“If I didn’t know better I would feel like I’m on a freaking spaceship.” You mumbled to yourself, taking in the scenery of wherever you seemed to be.

Eventually after what felt like miles of walking, the hallway finally seemed to open up into a large room. Surprisingly enough it gave you the vibes of a hangout room like from your favorite shows as a kid, maybe even like the Titans tower.

Upon first walking in you saw the familiar group from before that had been with you, the sight of them made you equally relieved and nervous.

You couldn’t just walk in there like you were waking up on Christmas morning, you had to remember you couldn’t trust these people. Sure they saved you from three other mobs, but for all you know they could just be using you. They were still one of the most infamous gangs in your area apparently.

Stepping back now, you decided to peak your head around the corner and watch what they were doing in the shadows.

What they were talking about you couldn’t quite make out, mostly because you didn’t know what they were talking about or who they were talking about it to. Instead, you decided to glance around at some of the new faces that you hadn’t met at the club.

The sight of a few girls somehow made you feel a bit better inside, misogynistic or not, you felt a bit better knowing someone was similar to you in this cursed building.

Another thing you seemed to notice were some new people with bright hair colors. While some had your typical hair, others had bright yellow hair, green hair, purple hair, hell even bright pink hair!

What’s weird is that the girl with bright pink hair had even stranger blackish eyes, some sort of weird contacts?

“Wait.. shit.” You mumbled, coming to the realization that the pink haired girl was staring directly at you. Did she hear you come down the hallway?

“Oh. My. Gosh!” The pink haired girl squealed, all eyes turning to her as your eyes widened, she was very clearly looking at you with a wide grin.

Stepping back you quickly shook your hands across your face and start slicing a line along your neck, hinting for her to shut up so she wouldn’t expose you.

Of course your luck had run out a long time ago.

“You guys didn’t mention how adorable she is!” The pink haired girl shouted excitedly, now all eyes falling on you which made you freeze your movements with a crazed face, “And look! She’s wearing my favorite robe I love it! How do you like it?”

Blinking at the crowd you scratched your arm nervously.

“It’s pink.”

“(L/n) you finally woke up!” Kirishima spoke with a toothy smile, everyone seeming to be happy you were awake.

You forced a smile but couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable, especially when you met the steel red gaze that was burned on you the second the pink haired girl called you out. Bakugou didn’t seem mad, but he didn’t seem pleased either.

Before you could even process anything the girl was dragging you down the stairs and into a big hug as she swung you around.

“Welcome to our base! Do you like the robe? What’s your name?”

Between the many voices and practically being thrown around like a doll you felt like your head was going to explode, dark spots beginning to seep into your vision again as you yelped in pain.

The pink haired girl stopped at the sound and let go of you, glancing down to you as a “huh” escaped her lips.

“Leave her alone you fucking dumbass she was pretty much in a coma for three days.” Bakugou’s shouted, stomping over to you as you weakly fell to your knees.

The feeling was embarrassing as Bakugou caught your elbow so your entire body didn’t collapse to the floor but at this point you would rather this happen then go back to that horrible dream you had.

“T..Three days?” You muttered, slightly alarmed that you had been out for so long, “I thought I just got hit in the back of the head?”

“Well more or less you did, but you got hit on a pretty serious pressure point.” Todoroki explained, kneeling down beside you.

Biting your lip you began to rub your head, “So is this your base? I thought we couldn’t go here because they would track us?”

“Well once you shot that dickhead in the leg, he finally let out that the tracker was in your dress,” Bakugou explained gruffly, leaning you against the side of the wall before moving to kneel before you, “So we took it off then took you here.”

At his final words you felt your eyes pop out of your head as heat rose to your cheeks, “Y..You saw me naked?!”

“Not all of us! Just Bakugou.” Kaminari explained, although it almost sounded like he said it with a pout.

Your eyes suddenly flicked to Bakugou’s, your cheeks flaring even more when you saw that stupid smirk on his face.

“Don’t worry dollface, it’s nothing I would rush to tell my friends about.”

At that you felt your jaw drop as he walked away from you snickering. This man was going to drive you to insanity.

Todoroki and Kirishima both offered a hand to you which you gladly accepted, allowing them to lead you to the group as you sat in one of the chairs.

“So uh.. what now?” You asked meekly, realizing you were still sort of being held hostage at a random gang’s base, in the nicest was possible of course.

“Nothing good for you unfortunately.” Kirishima said with a frown, the warning only making you scoff as this was nothing new for you at this point.

“Listen up (L/n), and listen well.” Bakugou said firmly, standing up towards the large screen before you as a few faces began to pop up, “This man is leader of the Henkan Clan, he’s sort of like the senior of all the gangs so he isn’t a guy you want to fucking mess around with. He’s currently after you because he has technical ownership over you.”

The sight of the large man on the screen made bumps raise along your arms, he looked more terrifying there then he did at the club.

“This guy, as you already know, is the leader of the Shindo Clan. He’s ticked at you and me because you were supposed to be delivered to the Henkan plan and we got in the way of it. He is currently going to be after all of us once his shitty leg heals.”

The sight of the black haired man made you grit your teeth, his stupid smug smile haunted you right before your very eyes.

“And lastly the Neito Clan, luckily he has no need to go after you yet, he just despises our gang because we’re better than him,” Bakugou explained with a sneer, “With that said, once he realizes that you’re a wanted girl under our protection, he will surely want to come for you as well.”

Your lips slowly formed into a pout as his sharp red eyes fell on your form again. Glancing from the screen to Bakugou you narrowed your eyes to him and folded your arms.

“And why did I need to know all of that, is that some sort of threat to scare me?”

The smirk that rose to Bakugou’s lips was downright sinful, if you knew there was no malicious intent behind the smile you would even find it attractive.

“Precisely.”

“Boss there’s no need to scare her like that-” Kaminari began to speak but was quickly silence by the sound of a low growl from Bakugou.

“I’m simply giving you an ultimatum dear,” Bakugou spoke venomously, walking around the table to stand before your chair, “You either run free from our base and skip all the way home to where you’ll either be murdered on the way there or shot through the window of your room once you arrive.”

The bluntness made you swallow air as Bakugou placed both of his arms on either side of your chair and lowered his face to your own.

“Or, you can be a good girl and do as I say when I say it, and we will keep you under our protection. What’ll it be princess?”

Oh how you wanted to sock this frustrating man in the face, he was getting on your very last nerve and you knew it. He was just taunting you at this point.

“So I get to choose between die quickly, or follow you around and maybe not die if I’m lucky.” You spat out sarcastically. Bakugou simply smiled smugly and nodded.

“More or less.”

“But” Kirishima spoke from behind, your eyes falling to his sympathetic ones, “We aren’t going to let that happen, we are here to protect you (L/n) if you let us.”

Your eyes fell back to Bakugou’s stern ones as you bit your lip. To be honest both options kind of sucked, if only there were to be an option C where you could go home brainwashed and forget any of this ever happened.

But of course you would be dreaming if that were ever an option for the rest of your life. You were stuck with this now, there was no getting out of it. For some reason the universe felt your life wasn’t fucked up enough as it was before, so you might as well play your cards right with what the universe was offering.

“Well I have no better plan so why the hell not.” You grumbled with folded arms, not expecting the few cheers in the room as Bakugou stood back up straight before you with a satisfied grin.

Was this his plan the entire time? To officially scare you into staying with him?

“This is going to be amazing! We get to pick out some cool outfits for you now! Or do you want to stay in the robe?” The pink hair girl questioned.

“No no, the robe is all yours babe.” You said with an awkward chuckle, watching as a few of the gang members followed her off down the hallway. 

“We’ll get the gang ready to travel back to the city boss, I’ll leave (L/n) in your hands.” Kirishima said with a grin, Bakugou simply clicked his tongue and nodded, allowing the rest of the people to clear out the room just leaving you two.

The last thing you expected after all of that was for him to extend his hand out to you, but reluctantly you placed yours in his own and allowed him to lift you up gently.

“How’s your head feeling shitty girl.” Bakugou mumbled, staring into your eyes as if to see if you still appeared dizzy.

Raising a brow to the sudden mood shift you finally realized the banging feeling in your head.

“It uh... still feels a bit sore but I can finally hear myself think again.”

Bakugou only hummed in response as he led you up the stairs, “Let’s go get you fixed up then so we can meet your stupid brother.”

“We’re going to see Kiyoshi?” You questioned, whipping your head to him only for him to ignore you and keep walking.

Biting your lip you felt your blood begin to boil. You felt grateful and a bit relieved that he sent this gang after you to protect you, but he was still in for a beating whenever you get to see him.

“Oh and by the way..” Bakugou spoke smoothly as he came to a stop, causing you to bump into the back of him slightly as you backed up, looking up to see his dazzling red eyes now glancing back at you. Just by the smirk on his face you could tell whatever he was about to say wouldn’t be good.

“The only reason I said I wouldn’t share the shitty imagine of you without your dress is because I want to be the only one to see you that way princess.”

The way he spoke those very words without any hesitation, any embarrassment or nerves, and then just kept walking as if he mentioned the weather outside.

You felt your heart beating rapidly, your cheeks almost so red you could see the very color yourself. How could he just... why did he just.. what?!

Your reaction must’ve been amusing to him as he chuckled while he kept walking.

“Now let’s go meet that shitty brother of yours.”

[armysantiny]

Callous - CYJ

Pairing: Yeonjun x female reader || TXT

Genre: angst

Includes: college au, exes to strangers, break up, fashion major Yeonjun, performing arts major reader, regret, naps, Xiaojun (WayV) mention, Wooyoung (Ateez) mention, Changbin (Stray Kids) mention, Wooyoung x Changbin reference, swearing, venting, alcohol mention, trip to London

Word count: 2.56k

Warning: anxiety attack, anxiety, breakup, venting, swearing, alcohol mention lmk if I need to add any more!

Rating: 12

Networks: @kwritersworld​, @kdiarynet​, @kpopscape​, @ultkpopnetwork​, @kpopficsnetwork​, @kpopcontentcreatorsclub​, @k-dinernet​, @lovesick-net​, @whipped-kpop-creators​, @prism-nw​, @hybenet​, @k-library​, @moacabinet​

Tagging: @intokook​, @cherry-hyejin​, @sinchoi​ || Fic Taglist

Prompts: “you know damn well we meant something” || “Don’t leave me here.”

An: Prompts are from the @ficscafe​ dialogue prompt event!

They say time heals all wounds, but for Yeonjun, it seemed as though he was the bitter exception. Months after he had split off from his relationship with y/n, the wound in his heart was as fresh as ever. And who could he blame? He started the argument, he brought up her past trauma, he blamed her for things she had no control over. No wonder she wanted out so badly. But if time didn’t heal the wound in his heart, it definitely gave him perspective. A perspective into his own reckless behaviour. However, the end of term-break was nearing, and he’d be forced to face y/n - and the aftermath - again. 

Sighing as he watched the time tick forward inch by inch, Yeonjun tried focusing on eating breakfast, ignoring the reminder in his head that he’d be in the same class as his ex-girlfriend again. Perhaps Professor Chae would have mercy and not put their seating places beside each other. His phone going off as he finished the last of his cereal, Yeonjun picked it up, rolling his eyes as his best friend’s message.

Wooyoung: Hey, do you think I’ll get any confessions this term?

Yeonjun: Dude, you get a new confession like, every other week, why are you even asking?

Wooyoung: Oh yeah~ you’re right!

Yeonjun: Don't you have a boyfriend though? Where’s Changbin? Say hi to him for me

Wooyoung: He doesn’t have class until 10:30 :( 

Wooyoung: Hey! You have his number too! Say hi yourself!

Yeonjun: Ehh, can’t be asked. See you later.

Wooyoung: Uh huh love you too - bye!

Bag slung over his shoulder, outfit complete, a water bottle in his bag and he was ready; now all he had to do was to brave actually going out of his apartment and to his first class of the day. But his thoughts were being less than kind to him, and Yeonjun could feel his heart start to palpitate. Patting his chest repeatedly as he tried to steady his own breathing, the 21-year-old took to heading back inside to his living room, where he sat down and tried dealing with the oncoming wave of anxiety and panic.

Yeonjun hadn’t heard the knock at his door, nor had he heard when the passcode had been entered, a concerned Wooyoung walking through the door. “Yeonjun…? Junie? Choi Yeonjun where are-,” Stopping in his tracks when he walked in on his best friend crouched behind one end of the sofa, out of sight. “Yeonjun-ah, it’s me…”

“Oh - Wooyoung, I- how, how did you get in?” The fellow 21-year-old asked, finally aware enough to realise that Wooyoung was in his apartment, kneeling down beside him. Looking over, the vulnerability was raw, and entirely out on display. And Wooyoung’s gentle smile provided a sense of warmth and familiarity, no matter how small that feeling was.

“You still haven’t changed it since you told me. Anyway- that’s not too important; let’s get you feeling better hmm? I’m not the emotional support friend for nothing you know~.�� Wooyoung hummed, taking Yeonjun’s hand into his own. Starting with a short breathing exercise, the dance major got Yeonjun to relax, asking him to describe the items in his room; starting with five things he could see, going down consecutively until they had gone through each of his senses. And it had started to work; Yeonjun’s heart didn’t feel like it was beating out of his chest, everything had become clearer - the crushing in his chest going away. Taking a few more stable breaths, Yeonjun’s body relaxed as he slowly stood up, Wooyoung standing up soon afterwards.

“That...that was rough. Thanks Woo.”

“No problem Jun, it’s what I’m here for.”

Arriving in class but five minutes late, Yeonjun tried concentrating on the presentation in front of him, making notes every so often as his professor explained the lesson. Everything felt normal, perhaps even too normal. But normal was better than nothing, and it seemed like the fashion major wouldn’t be facing y/n at school for the time being. Busy with his notes as he adjusted his glasses, the universe must have counted him lucky as he didn’t see who entered the lecture hall to talk to the professor. When he finally looked up from his notebook, his eyes widened before he immediately went back to staring at his notes, in hopes that y/n didn’t notice him on her way out. 

But she did notice him. She did notice him sitting in his seat as she left. When did he change professors? Remaining by the door as she closed it behind her, the performing arts major blinked back memories before she made her way back to class; class was more important than an old relationship gone sour. Walking back into the hallspace that was the location of her class, tried refocusing as she joined her group of friends as they watched some of the improv performances after speaking to her own professor.

“Well? What did Mr Kim say? Are we going to be working with the fashion majors for the end of year performance?” Dejun asked, leaning over to whisper while they watched their classmates. 

“Oh? Yeah, yeah, Mr Kim said Mr Song will be ‘lending’ his students to us,” Y/n replied, air quotes as she spoke, “ I don’t know about you Xiaojun, but doesn’t ‘lending’ sound kinda off?” She asked, an amused grin on her face as she went over the wording one more time. Taking a moment to realise what about it was so amusing, he snickered when the correlation finally clicked. The pair exhaled rapidly to try and drown the laughter, they covered their mouths with their hands once their professor glared in their direction.

“Well; looks like we got caught~ but yeah - are they products to him or something?”

“We may never know Xiaojun, we may never know~.”

As class finished up, y/n grabbed her bag and headed out, waving to Dejun and her friends as she made her way into the hallway. Earbuds plugged in, she kept her hands in her pocket as she aimlessly wandered through campus, humming along to the song playing as she found herself walking towards the courtyard. Without any other classes until that afternoon, there was plenty of time to sneak in a nap while she listened to her true crime podcast. Finding a bench off in the corner, the second-year student let her mind rest as she placed her coat along the bench and laid her head on her bag.

As luck would have it, Yeonjun’s timetable had more or less the same timings as y/n’s, and he had also been looking for a quiet place to rest. Class had gone well after seeing y/n, and the book he had been reading was just getting to the good part. Finding a bench that wasn’t too far away from y/n - he didn’t intentionally sit close by, but life is never predictable - he took a seat, opening the book and continuing with the tale in his hands. His reactions muted as to not draw much outward attention to himself, the bout of uncontrollable snickers ended up waking and getting the attention of the only other student in the courtyard. Looking up from his book when he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, the nervous palpitations of his heart started again when he recognised who he was sharing the courtyard space with.

“Hey-! Can, can I talk to you? Please…” Y/n was seconds from heading out of the courtyard when she heard Yeonjun’s voice, turning around for a brief moment before sighing. After the way he treated their break up, she was certain that there would be no way she’d want to see him again by choice. Rolling her eyes, she turned back towards the direction of the hallway, only to be stopped by a hand holding onto her wrist; holding onto her as though she was an uncertain dream. One that would fade away if not given the chance to confront it.

“Choi Yeonjun, I thought I made it clear that I don’t want you to speak to me again. Is it that hard to stick to?” 

“I know y/n - and I’m sorry - but I’ve been beating myself up over this and I need to apologise. Apologise to you properly.” He was desperate, desperate to set things right and try to regain some level of contact with y/n. Yeonjun would be a dirty liar if he tried telling himself that even after all he had put his ex girlfriend through, he didn’t want to try becoming closer, at least platonically. But the feeling wasn’t mutual. Y/n wanted nothing to do with her ex; he’d hurt her too much, and despite the memories they shared, she could see nothing but the man who used the insecurities she trusted him with against her. He was a chapter in her past she wanted to separate herself from, to never look at again.Y/n said nothing as she pried his hand off of her wrist, a hard glare in her eyes as she left Yeonjun alone in the courtyard. Staring at his hands as though they were red with blood, his thoughts spiralled, exactly one being voiced out through a whisper, only for Yeonjun’s ears but meant for y/n.

“Don’t leave me here, don’t leave me clasping at straws y/n…”

“Wait, wait, wait - Yeonjun was in the courtyard?” Xiaojun’s voice called out from y/n’s phone late that afternoon, well after all classes were long over. They had been talking for the last ten minutes, and the topic of what had happened had just been brought up. From his side of the call, Xiaojun saved his assignment - of which he was already ahead in - and leaned back in his chair. He had been there for y/n when the breakup happened, spent days comforting his long-term close friend, and had some choice opinions of his own when it came to the fellow 99-liner. 

“Yeah! I think he was reading a book or something, but I didn’t see it. Anyway - my point; this bastard actually wanted to talk to me. He grabbed my fucking wrist and everything; something about wanting to ‘apologise’.” Y/n answered, her phone on speaker as she set about making herself a hot chocolate. She’d get to her research assignment after telling her best friend what had happened. First order of business? Getting herself a drink.

“Wow…” Dejun started, the disbelief loud, “after the crap he put you through, it took him this long to want to apologise?” He asked, putting his own phone on speaker as he stood out of his chair to get a water bottle. The conversation stayed like that for the next half an hour; both talking about one topic after another, all seeming to revolve around y/n’s painful break up. It had been less than a week after y/n’s birthday when Yeonjun had decided that he wanted to end their two-year relationship, a fake cold exterior as he left her alone in the silence of her own apartment that night. Y/n never went to sleep afterwards, burying herself in work as she let the tears fall down her face freely, only praying that the end of the year could come any faster. Each day had dragged on at a snail’s pace though, each hour feeling three times as long as she tried avoiding the cause of her pain. It was those six weeks before her second year in university that she found her mercy, going on a three-week trip to London with Xiaojun and a couple others in their friendship circle. Tears were shed, alcohol was consumed and heart-to-hearts were had. By the time y/n had returned to Seoul, she was on track to healing the wound in her heart.

 At the end of their mini venting session, the question that was really hanging in the air was whether y/n should even bother hearing Yeonjun out. But it seemed as though fate was eavesdropping on the pair’s conversation, because a knock at the door after y/n had hung up on her phone call immediately grabbed her attention. There was no way Xiaojun could have been at the door, otherwise the university student would have heard it across the call. Walking up to the door with a minute sense of apprehension, y/n looked through the peephole and audibly groaned. Massaging her temples out of frustration, she opened the door, arms folded as she stared him dead in the eye.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have your own mess of an apartment to get to?” She questioned, watching her ex walk in with a raised brow.

“I told you, I needed to talk to you. Please y/n, just one last time, hear me out. I beg of you.” 

And despite her resentment, that’s what she did.

There was no level of regret or guilt that could describe just how apologetic Yeonjun was feeling as he spoke, each syllable a thorn on his tongue. He had avoided the glare in y/n’s expression as he tried explaining his point of view, but it was clear that it really was Yeonjun who had brought it upon himself. His actions, his callous behaviour led to where they were now; sat in y/n’s apartment while he desperately tried to repair a burned down bridge with nothing more than pretty words.

 Having forced herself to sit through Yeonjun’s failed attempts at winning some semblance of friendship, y/n stood up, not in any mood to hear his voice any more. “You know what the real issue is with you?”

“What, what  is it..?”

“You’re pathetically entitled.” Y/n started, looking everywhere but the man sitting on her sofa in front of her. “Two years, Yeonjun. Two fucking years and you decide to break up with me in front of my family while we were on video - humiliate me - and give me no reason. You erased me from your life even though you knew damn well we meant something.  And suddenly now you decide that ‘Oh, I need y/n back’?” 

“Y/n-ah, I’m - I’m sorry, I was a coward, I- I wanted an easy way out…” A ‘tch’ coming from y/n at his poor attempt at an excuse, she said nothing as she went to the apartment door and opened it.

“Get out. If I see you come to my door again Choi I will call the police.” His head hung low, Yeonjun complied; putting his shoes back on and walking out in shame. Flinching when he heard the slam of the door behind him, the broken man made the journey home by foot, too ashamed to feel the need to take the bus. 

From inside her apartment, y/n reached for her phone. She needed to spend the night somewhere else.

Y/n: Mind if I stay the night?

Dejun: No problem, you’ve already got some of your own stuff here.

Y/n: Thanks Jun

As she left her apartment, there was one question on her mind. One that put into question exactly how she had dealt with the situation;

She wasn’t being too callous with Yeonjun, was she?

[what-the--curtains]

In A Week

Part 4/4 - This Feeling

(Frankie Morales x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: With the wedding day finally here will your true feeling be revealed or will you leave the way you started? As nothing more than strangers.

Authors Notes: THE FINALE (for now??), this story was so nice to write and all y’all r angels for just reading it let alone liking/sharing it (really i could cry💕🌻💕) so thank you🥺🥺

Song used in Story: This feeling - Alabama Shakes (highly rec u listen!!)

Tw: swearing, drinking, allusions to sex and past toxic relationships.

Tagged: @agingerindenial @icanbeyourjedi

Words: 2.0k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 5

A thunk followed by the unmistakable beeping of the snowplows working hard at clearing away the snow from the roads and parking lots wake you. You let out a disappointed sigh when you notice the distinct lack of Frankie beneath you. Almost as if on cue he walks in with a bottle of champagne, orange juice and two glasses.

“Are you ready to get wasted?” he says, as you shift up in bed.

“On one condition.” you offer smacking your lips mouth tasting like morning.

“Which is?” He asks, tilting his head.

“We get fully dressed up for this wedding. I didn't spend hours contemplating outfits to not put one on.” you barter, prepared to fight with him to get what you wanted.

“Absolutely,” he agrees, much to your surprise “that tux was not cheap, and it was supposed to be back two days ago, so not getting that deposit back. Should we call the brides to be before we start drinking?”

“Probably a good call,” After multiple phone calls and various congratulations you found out they were going to be live streaming the ceremony for all the people stranded by the storm. You and Frankie have a lazy morning before it's finally time to get ready, you stand up swaying slightly from the few drinks you'd already downed. Frankie takes the suit into the bathroom giving you the room to change and to do your hair and makeup. You go to pull out your dress and as you do the lingerie you’d packed falls out onto the floor. Your heart drops for a moment before deciding to put it on, not for Jonathan, or even Frankie, but for yourself. You pull on the light pink velvet mini dress you’d settled on, and sling on the black open toe heels. Walking into the kitchen you pour yourself a glass of wine. You hear him clear his throat and you turn around. You're taken aback by how well Frankie cleaned up, no hat, hair styled and a perfectly fitted suit.

When Frankie enters the room, he stops in his tracks, continuing to stare when you turn to face him. If this had been at the wedding, he’s sure he’d have picked you out of the crowd instantly. He’d probably have spent the whole night hoping you'd talk to him only getting upset when you didn't even give him a second glance.

“Cat got your tongue?” he asks, breaking the silence first, beyond pleased at how he’d managed to impress you.

“Something like that” you offer, handing him a beer

“Well, we’re in luck because I was specifically told to provide drinking games for the reception, so” he says pulling out some red solo cups and ping pong balls from his bag.

“Who's bad with their hands now” he asks as he sinks another cup, winning 4 consecutive games.

“No fair! You’re cheating.” you say with a humph.

“I'm not, your technique’s just sloppy and lacking strategy” He mocks.

“I have a strategy” You state defensively, mouth open in faux anger.

“Flashing yourself in an attempt to distract me, isn't a strategy” he says licking his lips as his smile turns into a full blown smirk

“Excuse me.” you say, crossing your arms over your chest shifting your stance and arching an eyebrow, challenging him.

“Oh I'm sorry, is that not what you're doing?” he chides, smirk still prominent.

“Well it use to work” you mutter, embarrassed at having been called out

“Ya on idiots who can't control themselves come here, I'll show you to sink it everytime,” you walk over and he positions himself behind you, he's close enough that you can feel his chest heaving slowly behind you.

“Relax your arms” he says, shaking them out for you. “Okay this arm, drop it, keep it relaxed, only use it for balance if needed. This arm..” he says grabbing your wrist “ this is where the action is, alright keep your elbow locked, none of that wobbly shit I saw earlier. It's all about the flick and the follow through, keep it strong.” He watches as you repeat the motions without his hand guiding you and it goes in. You turn around and lift your arms up victoriously, they quickly find their way around Frankies neck and he lifts you up off the ground, faces dangerously close when he puts you back down on the ground.

“We should order a pizza, I think some places are open” you say quickly turning to your phone and ordering something from wherever it was open.

After watching the ceremony, you're sitting on the counter laughing as Frankie proves to you he can in fact eat an entire piece of pizza in three bites.

“Told you” he says

“Well consider me out witted” your phone beeps, you turn it over assuming its Stella or Santi or Gen but it's not. It's John the second you see his name pop up on your phone your stomach drops. Frankie sees the change in your demeanour, everything about you suddenly appearing small. Frankie grabs the phone from your hands “I swore an oath to prevent shitty guys from ruining the party tonight”

“How did you…? Whose orders? Did Santi tell you?”

“Maybe. Holy ….” Frankie says eyes wide when he accidentally sees the message that has been sent to you.

“What?” you ask, afraid at what he’d just seen.

“Nothing!” he lies, shaking his head blinking hard to get the image out of his head.

“Now you have to tell me!” you say hopping off from the counter and making your way towards him. Reaching for the phone which he's holding over his head. Your place you hand on his shoulder trying to balance yourself as you make another grab for it, but you're not even close. You plant a kiss on his cheek causing his arm to drop immediately allowing you to grab the phone.

“Ha!” you say, failing to notice the dejected look on Frankie's face.

You’re walking towards the counter to reply when something comes over you, maybe it was the way Frankie had made you feel these last few days, maybe it was finally coming to your senses, but you turn back to face him. You stare up at Frankie whose eyes are on the ceiling.

“Can you delete him, from all my shit, and block the number” you ask, offering him your phone.

“Really?” Frankie says

“Ya I can't do it but I want it done,” you say, pushing the phone towards him, more vigorously this time.

“Well it'd be my pleasure, guy sounds like a dick,” he says, taking the phone from you and scrolling through wiping away any remnants of the dude.

“Thanks” you say as he hands the phone back to you.

“What did you see in him? Well actually based on the photo he sent maybe I understand,” he murmurs.

“Francisco Morales” you say, mouth agape.

“I'm not the one who sent it!” he says lifting his hands up in defense.

“You wanna dance?’ he asks “I got the playlist from Pope, may as well have some fun, really forget about Jackson.”

“Jo.. you know it doesn't matter and you’re right,” the both of you dance like idiots for a while, twirling around the room in an embarrassingly cliche way that would be better suited to a John Hughes movie than a makeshift wedding reception. As the next song begins, the slow pacing shifts the tone.

I just kept hoping, I just kept hoping

The way would become clear

You stop your dancing, as does Frankie and a dread akin to that of being at your first middle school dance wondering if you'll be asked to dance or not comes over you. You both stare at each other for a second before Frankie offers you his hand, if he was waiting for a moment, this was it.

I spent all this time

Tryna play nice and fight my way here

See, I've been having me a real hard time

But it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright

He pulls you into him and you sway in time to the music. One hand on your lower back, the other one holding your hand as you rest your head against his shoulder. His thumb gently rubs over yours. The sensation comforts you causing a wave of relief which causes your eyes to water.

So, I just kept dreaming, yeah, I just kept dreamin'

It wasn't very hard

I spent all this time

Tryna figure out why

Nobody on my side

“You okay?” he asks, hearing you sniffle, you nod looking up at him and he briefly untangles his hand from yours to wipe away the tear that had fallen

“I'm sorry, if I...” he starts softly, thumb tracing gently over your cheekbone.

“No, it's not you, well it is, but it's not bad” you offer, satisfied with the response he takes your hand in his again and continues swaying.

See, I've been having me a real good time

And it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright

So please, don't take my feelings

I have found at last

So please, don't take my feelings

I have found at last

Yeah, if I wanted to, I'd be alright

“why'd you decide to delete him” Frankie whispers, barely audible

“Moment of clarity I suppose” you say into his shoulder.

“Which was?” he presses, not looking down to you.

“Just realized how I could have been being treated in a relationship.”

“Should have been being treated,” Frankie corrects.

“I can't believe I let him do that to me for so long, im so stupid” you mutter

“Blames not on you, blames on him for not realizing what he had, seriously if I had you id….” he stops himself not wanting to take advantage of a vulnerable situation.

So I just kept going, I just kept going

And hoping I'm growing near

Well this good and fine, I spent all this time

Tryna find my way here

And I've been having me a real fun time

And it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright

“You’d what” you ask, having mustered up enough courage to finally find out if what you were feeling was reciprocated.

“Id never let you go, at least i'd do everything in my power to make sure you’d want to stay with me”

Please, don't take this feeling

I have found at last

You reach your hands up to his face and pull it down to meet yours, lips colliding for the first time, but the sensation washing over you felt familiar. It felt like you’d finally come home.

Please, don't take my feeling

I have found at last

He slowly moves the two of you back towards the bed never departing from your lips for more than a moment.

“You uh..you sure you want to do this,” he asks, as you run your hands up and down his back.

“Ya, you?” you question looking up at him through your lashes.

“Yes, absolutely.”

If I wanted to, I'd be alright

Yeah, if I wanted to, I'd be alright

The sun from the blinds that had been accidentally left open seeps into the room. The warmth hitting your naked shoulder. You smile when you look down to see Frankies arm wrapped loosely around your waist.

“Well my long con worked, I finally got the side of the bed I wanted,” you tease.

“Mmm” he says as you shift round to come face to face with him kissing his nose. His eyes flutter awake and he smiles, kissing you on the forehead as you snuggle into his chest for a moment before moving to get ready for the day. His arms tighten around you trapping you against him.

“Frankie, we have to get moving” you giggle.

“Nope, I was serious last night. I'm not planning on letting you go”

“So I’m trapped here forever?” you laugh

“Would that be so bad?” he wonders, and you settle back into him knowing that nothing would be better than spending the rest of your days here with him.

[nanasarea]

Jung Jaehyun as your idol bf

Genre: fluff

Pairing: jaehyun x idol!reader

Request: Heyy!! It's been a minute! Could I request Jaehyun as your idol!bf ? ♡JJ

Word count: 1358

a/n: yall, i don’t proof read, this shouldn’t even come as a surprise.

Haechan /  Yuta / Mark / Jeno / Jaemin / Chenle / Renjun / Jisung 

When you heard you were asked to be in an sm station with jaehyun

you freaked

and so did he (see gif for reference)

and so did all of your and his members

mainly because they could tease you afterwards

bc they’re little shits

i mean what

ANYWAY

you go in and are immediately a bit intimidated

he’s like 180 cm (5’11″) tall 

what do you expect

he’s barefaced

and he’s wearing this really cute hoodie

and a baseball cap

which for some reason makes him look even more attractive than usual

and he’s like “sorry I’m late, I overslept and rushed over”

and you’re asking yourself 

what kind of bullshit

he looked this good mere minutes after waking up??

this is witchcraft

you were sure of it

and yes, you were intimidated

but not for long

he turned into the nicest friendliest human you’d ever meet in your entire life 

not only 5 minutes after meeting

and you’re convinced sm actually made him in their basement

like what how is he such an angel

but like the next day,

and you realize he is actually a mad man

have you seen how he opens albums???

you try and stay calm and professional

but mr. troy bolton just had to drive you insane

he asks if you can look at each other while singing 

to make him less nervous

and you’re like 

aww that’s sweet but I will faint

Breaking Free 2.0 up in here

like your manager feels like a third wheel there

and everyone else in the studio

his manager even asks your manager how long they think you two will need to start dating

and so the bet began

you two knew of it

they were bad at hiding it 

and knowing his competitive ass, he probably placed a bet too

not like in a bad way

just how long he needed to ask you out

“I really want to get to know you better, would getting iced coffee at the cafe down the street be of any interest to you?” 

and of course you agreed

you’re not stupid

his manager ended up winning

which made jaehyun all sulky

we all know he is one of the most competitive human beings

but he chickened out one time 

because he was nervous

johnny doesn’t let him live 

like ever again

you end up going to the cafe 

and he shows up in all black

and a baseball cap

basically his outfit from when he went to the coffee shop with johnny from the relay cam

and he looks so boyfriend

and you almost melt

anyway

you talk a lot about music

obviously

mainly his LPs

his music taste is so attractive honestly ugh

time skip to when he asks you to be his girlfriend

which is before your station was released

because he was just so excited

about being with you so he didn’t bother waiting

so when your station was released,

your members knew and hinted of it

so did his

it’s not like they made it that obvious

but like if you read between the lines

it was there

the teasing tho omg

he would be so cocky don’t even

like I’m not saying he would just smile to himself abt it

but he would

“yeah, I got myself some, get on my level”

I know everyone is like 

omg prince charming in the flesh

he is 

but he’s also SO CHAOTIC

he obviously buys all your albums

and lightstick

all the merch

ends up breaking half of it

it’s okay, he has a black card, he can just buy more

almost exposed you two when you won your first win

he was the mc and when he gave you the award, 

he tried so hard not just lift you up in his arms and spin you around

don’t worry, he did that afterwards

behind the scenes

he ends up being no where to be seen in those backstage videos

because he’s always with you

but he’s so cautious about it

he doesn’t want you to get in trouble

so it takes so long for you two to make your relationship public

but when you do,

everyone feels like booboo the fool

like how did no one notice?

most of your dates are in his room

listening to music

and drinking wine

he classy like that

but like 3 minutes later, 

you’re watching high school music

he perfect cute like that

ends up serenading you with the songs

and haechan walks into his room

“can you two stfu, you’re too loud, and that’s coming from me”

you don’t shut up tho

you just sing louder to spite him

speaking of that,

jaehyun is a brat

you can’t convince me otherwise

not like all the time

but let’s say you tell him not to do something

or that he can’t

he will make sure that he does it

no matter what

ngl you find it attractive 

his competitiveness is so hot istg

you know how he’s like 

really into his IG?

you’re the only one he follows

he risked his perfect ratio of like a million to 0

for you and you only

and that’s when you knew he was the one

also you can’t tell me like half of his posts are now photos of you 

or you and him

candid couple photos

and whenever you post something

he hypes you up in the comments

like he knows how to flirt

we been knew

and just because ya’ll are official now

doesn’t stop him from flirting with you 24/7

does he care that you’re at an award show with a ton of fans looks at you all the time?

does he care that you’re trying to practice?

does he care that johnny and mark are dragging him away from you because they need to leave for another schedule?

hah no

and they’re sometimes really random

he loves you get all flustered

so you start doing the same

and you always tease him for how red his ears are

but don’t tease him too much

because he will make you regret it

if you know what I’m saying

sneaks into your dorms after his schedule ends

and just lays with you

while you talk about anything

and everything

also have i mentioned he catches you listening to one of his songs

and he goes all uwu

he’s so flustered

he ends up writing some lyrics for the new album

and when you listen to them 

he just randomly says

“oh, by the way, that’s about you”

and so you do the same

he has the song on repeat forever

his fave song now 

he can’t keep a straight face when listening to it

his go to answer for whenever anyone asks for song recs

also he keeps talking about you

like everywhere

he doesn’t even feel bad

one night, you tell him you can’t fall asleep

so he sings you to sleep on the phone

but he doesn’t have the heart to hang up 

even if he needs to

gets johnny to do it

johnny teases him for it

I’m not implying that you get into petty bets 

abt everything and anything

I’m saying it, not implying

i know i keep bringing it up, but he’s so competitive what do you expect

also you’re the only one he’s okay with winning at isac

like when you score highest at a certain sport

he just walks around like

“you see that? that’s mine!” 

all proud and shit

“yeah, that’s cool but did your s/o score  10 points 4 consecutive times during the archery tournament? didn’t think so”

don’t even get me started on how he’d be at your concert

waving 2 light sticks, has a banner, all y/n merch

johnny, mark and jungwoo swear they don’t know him after that

but it’s okay

you find it cute

which is all that matters to him

almost cries when you dedicate a song to him

and by almost i mean he did

and said that if anyone says anything, 

he will deny it

in conclusion: jaehyun best boy(friend)

and now I’m even more whipped for this man than I was before

Tag list (which i forgot, i apologize): @soleilchannie​

[courtlyharlequin]

Hello, may I order some rose tea with riddle please~ thank you very much! ♡♡♡

My Rose-Colored Boy

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this! There’s also a song by the same name of the title (you should listen to it), but it actually isn’t the inspiration for this fic. The actual inspiration is a song called Green Tea and Honey by Dane Amar. You can listen to it here.

Coffee shop-hopping—  unhealthy pastime of yours. You didn’t even like coffee. You label yourself as a tea person yourself. Yet there is a certain atmosphere in a coffee shop that no teahouse could never replicate. While you are not so keen on the bitter aftertaste of coffee, its scent stirs up a foreign sense of solace in your mind. A day’s stress melts away after you waft in the aroma of freshly ground beans. It clears away the murky gray clouds that clog the back of your head. For that reason alone, for that feeling that you cannot get enough of, you visit a plethora of cafes a day if you have time on your hands.

You could easily name your personal favorites but you would never come back to them on a daily basis. You would usually come back at two day intervals. Yes, they were your personal favorites, but you prefer hunting for new cafes, expanding your already extensive list of places to escape from reality– or at least your responsibilities.

Keyword: usually.

For the past few weeks, you find yourself coming to the same cafe every day, on a daily basis. And today, you find yourself at the same cafe once more. This is the second time you’ve set foot into the coffeehouse. Or should you say greenhouse?  Café Rosé. A coffee shop with many rose themed beverages. The interior is heavily adorned with faux flowers. The windows were tinted with a rosy pink. The shop smelled more like roses than actual coffee. It’s.. out-putting, but it also induces yet another foreign feeling of comfort within you. Quite frankly, you favor the scent of roses and coffee nowadays rather than the scent of coffee by itself.

But.. that wasn’t the only reason.

The barista greets you as the door hits the chime, cuing your entrance: “Ah! Welcome back, (y/n).”

“Hello again, Riddle,” you curtly reply.

“What can I get for you today?” he asks, making his way to the register.

“Surprise me. I already had my usual earlier today. I would like to… try something new…”

“Alright then. I’ll be ready with your order shortly. Would you like to–”

“Card, Riddle,” you beam, handing the thin plastic over to him.

He took it sheepishly, flustered by your assertive gesture. Every day for the past few weeks had been routine. He knows your usual, your preferences, how you like your tea brewed– the little things that he managed to pick up from your brief interactions. One wouldn’t call him perceptive or observant, but he sees himself as one who is able to connect the dots and see patterns if they are frequently recurring.Of course, Riddle knows that you always pay through card, but he honestly could not break way from his mental script that he practices daily with every customer.

You watch him fiddle with his fingers as the receipt prints.

“Thank you for your purchase,” he says.

You nod as you take the piece of paper, opting to sit at the table with barstools facing the counter rather than your usual nook by the window.

There is something really off about today. Today’s events move fluidly yet ever so slowly.  It’s as if the universe let you finally catch your breath. Refreshing, but with this much time on your hands, your extensive list of cafe getaways could not keep up.

Your mind wandered over to a certain redhead barista. Ah.. perhaps he is the only thing particularly “normal” and “hustling” today. He wears the same expression whenever he brews a beverage– furrowed eyebrows and a slight lip bite. He seems out of place, like the kitchen is not a place where he would belong because he has never been in one.

With a clink of a teacup and silverware, Riddle makes his way towards you, firmly gripping the tray to the point where his knuckles are white. His smile seems a bit forced, but not because of irritation. It is because he is still flustered. He has developed a slight attachment to you– a miniscule infatuation that enhances his ability to notice every little thing about you which began with your very first order– the Rosé Latte. You didn’t even like coffee. He watches you from the counter as you gag, rushing to your side. He remembers it ever so clearly:

“Hey… are you alright?” he asks.

“Oh yeah. Don’t worry about it. I’m just not a coffee person is all,” you sigh.

“Then… why did you order a latte with coffee? I could have subbed it out with tea..” Riddle let the latter half trail off into thin air.

“Hmm… I wanted to see if I could find a lover here. If you had changed something, it probably wouldn’t have worked,” you admit.

“Did it really work?”

You jokingly scan the room: “I don’t think so.”

“Hold on for just one moment.”

“Hmm?”

A few minutes later, the redhead returns to your table with another cup in hand.

“Here. One Rosé Latte– the coffee subbed out for tea.”

“Oh you didn’t have to! I’ll just get it nex–”

“It’s on the house,” he huffed, extending his arm further so the beverage would be in such a close proximity that you could not possibly deny it.

“Alright, then. Thank you… ahhhh…”

“Riddle.”

“Thank you, Riddle.”

“My pleasure, (y/n).”

“Wait how did you know my name?”

“Your order? I-I’m not a stalker! I swear!”

“Pfttt. No worries.”

It has been a few weeks since that event has occurred. Riddle is still unsure as to why you opted for coffee since you detest the flavor.

Nearly every customer orders this drink. Riddle isn’t sure as to how the rumor spread, but it seems that the latte truly does make people fall in love. Even his colleagues have found their “soulmates” with a stroke of luck. Okay. He’s a tad envious of them whenever their beloved darlings waltz into the shop with heart eyes, going on and on about the serendipitous encounter. Their interactions cause his feelings of loneliness to swell. Okay, so maybe he is profoundly envious of his coworkers– more than he’s willing to admit, that is. But… perhaps there is some hope in you. Even you aren’t his soulmate or if these unknown feelings are unrequited, he’s content with your daily visit. Seeing you every day is a gift in itself. Seeing you twice today, and right before closing, must be a blessing.

“Your order, (y/n),” he prompts, setting down the tray and handing you the ceramic cup.

You perk up from your haze, taking in the floral scent of the herbal tea waft into your nose as you sigh.

“This is–”

“Rose tea with honey.”

You stare at him for a bit. Rose tea is your usual. The only difference is the addition of a sweetener. He truly did surprise you. Riddle is, and will always be, a by-the-book person. He cannot break away from “routine”. He stares back at you with an eager expression, determined to hear your response.

You take the cup, “Thank you, Riddle.”

“My pleasure,” he beams.

That smile-!! It melts your heart. As much as you hate to admit it, you find yourself coming back here routinely for this rose colored boy and his radiant smile. He is a person of very few words when handling customers. He’s actually full of them when it’s just you and him early in the morning. Now, Riddle is absolutely terrible at small talk, but he could talk about tarts and roses for an eternity. Conversations with him feel whole, complete... as if they are meant to be. Ahhhh, you did not like the sound of that– routine. However, you did take a liking to Riddle, the rather nitpicky yet timid barista who lives everyday of his life by a routine.

Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt…

You take another sip of the tea then set the cup down, turning to Riddle who is still standing beside you, fidgeting with the tray.

“Say, Riddle, are you free this weekend?”

“I- Wha- I mean- Yes?”

“Would you like to go cafe-hopping with me?”

“Cafe-hopping?”

“It’s like going to several coffee shops consecutively in one day.”

“I would love to, (y/n),” he says softly.

Bonus:

“Is he aware that that person is his soulmate?” a boy with auburn hair asks huskily, adjusting himself so that his eyes met the bare surface of the cashier’s counter.

“Oi, Ace, stop being so rude. Riddle isn’t that dense! I’m sure they’re both aware!” a hushed whisper replies, shoving him aside so that he could also spy on his coworker.

“But look at him! He’s so nervous, stumbling over his words.. I’m getting secondhand chills… don’t you feel it too, Deuce?”

“Yeah, but he sat down with his soulmate and they look like they’re getting along well!”

“That’s because they’ve got heart eyes and saliva dripping out of their mouth from drooling over each other.”

“Well, I think that-”

Bonk!

“Shhhh! Ace, Deuce! He might hear you. You won’t be able to see tomorrow if he finds out that you’re eavesdropping,” another slightly older with auburn hair scolds nonchalantly as he kneels next to them.

“But did you really have to karate chop our heads, Cater?!” Ace hisses.

“Sorry, sorry,” he giggles.

“Cater, you were supposed to get them to go back to work,” yet another voice sighs.

“Ah, sorry, Trey! It was just so interesting. I couldn’t resist. Oh-! I have to get to a picture as a keepsake for Riddle.”

Before Trey could say: “Wait no-!”

Cater whips out his smartphone, snapping a picture.

“Hashtag: soulmates. Hashtag: Rosé-Café . Hashtag: Rosé-Latte. Hashtag: Go-get-’em-Riddle anddd posted!” he grins.

Trey shakes his head, crouching down to join his fellow baristas.

[smolbeandrabbles]

How Not To - Ralph Anderson x Shifter!Reader 3 (The Outsider)

Finale to Halfway Home & Control GIF Credit: X X @wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​ #mendotagsquad @crawlingmist​ @mendelskrull​ - for your special interest in this series

Author’s Note: I thought I’d be lucky to induct Ralph Anderson to Team 10K. I didn’t realise he would become the second longest fic on here...

I underestimated just how much I wanted to put them through for their finale. I just hope it’s satisfying. 🙊🙏🤞

Muscially this has always been a big song for me, it seems appropriate to use it here. How Not To - Dan & Shay

Eyes Closed - Halsey

Special shout out to Amanda for her GIF analysis! Couldn’t leave it at just one, though...!  😅

Disclaimer: The Outsider nothing to do with me / These shifters are my creation, but I am once again using Stephen King’s ideas as references / lyrics & gifs not mine

Premise: Ralph Anderson never wants to hear the word ‘Shapeshifter’ again. Apparently that seems inevitable, and Holly brings him a new case. But they need an Outsider to catch an Outsider. And there only seems like one option...  

Words: 15,330

Warnings: Swearing / just a whole bunch of angst/angsty fighting / sex (not smut)

⚠ Hurt / Angst Caution Warning (Not as bad as previous... but it’s there!) ⚠

_______

I can honestly understand why it's over I can go through the motions of walking away I can give you the key and take my things back I can find plenty things to fill my days

You're like second nature, baby, you're just like breathin' A melody that you hear and you can't forget The time goes by and I still need you Yeah, you worth the heartbreak and the regret

But I don't know how not to think about you When it's late at night and quiet And I know that I ought to be the one who is strong and just moves on But I’ll probably turn down your road, knock-knock on your door Fall back in your arms, wake up in the morning Hating myself for the way that I can't help the way I still want you I just don't know how not to, how not to, how not to I just don't know how not to, how not to, how not to

--- I, I know where to lay, I know what to say It's all the same And I, I know how to play I know this game, It's all the same

Would've gave it all for you, cared for you So tell me where I went wrong Would've trade it all for you, there for you So tell me how to move on They don't realize that I'm thinking about you It's nothing new, it's nothing new Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you But he'll never stay, they never do Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you But you've been replaced I'm face to face with someone new 

---

If there was one call he never wanted, this one was it. Ralph could have sworn that when he said goodbye to Holly Gibney saying he’d like to work with her on a case again, he’d stated a normal one – and he absolutely did. Holly was great, once he’d got used to her. Once he’d kicked his ass into gear over the Frankie Peterson case and immersed himself into the supernatural side of things. When she called again and mentioned the word ‘shapeshifter’, once more Ralph was forced into silence. Preceded by ‘another’, of course, and Holly had to call his name multiple times before he found a voice to tell her he was listening. Now Ralph Anderson and Yune Sablo found themselves sitting back at Cherokee City PD as Holly stood in front of them: police board, evidence, photographs, markers to connect everything. Ralph’s heart sank completely; he didn’t need this again. He’d had enough of this for one lifetime, and unlike Shapeshifters he only had one lifetime. Holly had put together a good investigation; she’d been tracking this one for quite some time, and although it hadn’t stopped over in Cherokee City, it had been through here according to her research. Yet, even though Holly was able to track its movements, she was uncertain she could do much more without the help of the people who had been through this with her before. She was certain she could stop it, determined to, but after Tennessee she didn’t think she could do this alone. This shifter also seemed different to her than their first, it was only because of the patterns she recognised that Holly was even able to keep track of it at all – this one was being extremely careful. Still, none of these factors excused it from the fact that murders seemed to follow wherever it went – finishing it was the only option. And for that she needed Ralph with her, as he had been before. Holly paused her onslaught of information and turned back to them, glad they seemed to be following everything she said. When she asked if they were clear, both men nodded, causing Holly to smile… except she placed her hands together in front of her lips in thought; “If only there was some way to get inside the head of these things, then maybe we’d stand a better chance of catching one...” Ralph, who was still preoccupied with his own thoughts on Shapeshifters – for obviously he had many - raised his head slowly to her musings. Yune stood a little straighter where he was leaning against the desk and looked across to his companion – Ralph, feeling eyes on him, turned to Yune. “No-” “Ralph.” By the look on Yune’s face he wanted Ralph to at least listen to reason. For Ralph Anderson there wasn’t a reason on Earth he’d ever agree to such a senseless idea. “No. No we can’t-!” “She’s our best hope, maybe our only hope!” Yune at least had the decency to plead it. Ralph’s eyes only narrowed, and his voice was firm;  “I never wanna see her again.” Holly looked between them, clearly confused, “What?” Yune glanced across to her, just as baffled, hardly believing that Ralph wouldn’t have imparted that information; “Didn’t he tell you?!” “I said we broke up.” Was the flat reply from Ralph, the detective folded his arms, looking like he’d rather talk about anything else. Holly blinked a few times, quickly catching on, “Y/N-!? She- she’s a...?!” Ralph Anderson didn’t let her finish the sentence, teeth gritted; “Don’t even say it.” Before turning his rising anger at having to be reminded on Yune: “We don’t even know where she is - I let her go!” Yune folded his arms and crossed his legs, leaning slightly away from his friend; “And you’re thinking it’ll be hard to look her up!? We have the database – we’ll find her!” Ralph glared back; “She’s a shapeshifter-! What if she changed!? That’s as easy as...” He stalled, looking away again, clearly not in the mood to talk about it anymore. Yune had attempted many times to get Ralph to impart what he’d seen in that field in vain; and although he never told, Yune knew whatever it was haunted him. Instead, Yune turned his attention back to Holly, “It would take maybe a day to figure out where she is... if we go pick her up, two tops... do we have time?” She nodded, that was the only shot any of them had to stop this thing. It wasn’t like before; they would need a shifter to catch a shifter. Holly looked back to Ralph, voice firm, not to be argued with; “We need her.” Ralph was still staring at nothing, and shook his head slowly; “I’m not going. I can’t go...”

*****

The pure ecstasy was almost stifling. So high you could barely breathe. Being with a shifter was always like this; humans always loved softer – probably because love actually factored into it. Human guise or not, there was nothing about your feelings for each other that had anything to do with how you would tangle together under sheets. An urge, an instinct, a call to be answered.

Shimmers of silver in the darkness as your eyes glowed with a refusal to burn out. Elongated talons and razor-sharp teeth left deep scratches across your back, immobilising, painful bites to your neck. Females were bigger and stronger, and for you not to do him any real damage he had to hold you down. But those needles sinking into your skin and drawing up rivers of ink from your veins only hit you with a further shot of pleasure. He wasn’t the same species as you – but he was damn close in his true form. You always preferred sex like this; humans had nerve endings in places your race didn’t – a form of pleasure you were unable to replicate unless you presented as one. Also, having been loved on by one for four consecutive years (who also knew damn well what he was doing), it was unsurprising that you’d not want to go back to anything remotely animalistic. Still – you were unable to stop yourself from crying out as your race would. It was by no means pretty; nowhere near the same as whispering someone’s name breathlessly as you held them tight, the trail of their lips down your neck. It sounded like it belonged in the far-off wilderness of some ancient jungle – where it used to be heard frequently. A call answered by his own; not filling a starry summer night sky, but now a bedroom in a modern house, in some town that could not be further away from where you had been born and grown up. How times change - How your race had always underestimated the advancement of humans. But even with the way you were pinned now; with your blood running from at least three separate places, stuck in some ancient ritual, a biological need engrained in your race since millennia before you were born – the man you were with was not the one you were thinking of. Your eyes were closed, and all that flooded your head was Ralph Anderson. You could feel the way he held you, running his hands over your skin and paying attention to every detail. As a detective he never missed anything – that adorable little smile before he asked you if everything was okay. The feel of him inside your body; making love to your slow, steady, breathing your name carelessly – a whisper across your skin as he planted tender kisses instead of bite marks. Although sometimes Ralph would graze his teeth, even on accident, and you would shudder in the memory of something a lot more like this. If you concentrated hard enough on your human, your partner blended into him – and it was Ralph you could feel all over your body – even this rough. And you couldn’t keep him out, you wouldn’t keep him out. It surprised you that somewhere along the line you hadn’t tipped your head back to call his name instead. You missed him, more than anything – you missed having this with him. Ralph could care about you the way a shapeshifter never could. This was good, but it wouldn’t last. You were the only shapeshifter who stayed in one place. It might take a little while, but your partner would move on. For now you sated each other’s appetite; familiar company that you could truly be yourself around. You didn’t have to control your body; your own claws and teeth sinking into him as you tightened your embrace: you were in charge, and he would move as and when you wanted him to. That taste on your tongue, not quite metallic the way human blood was: of salt and earth, ancient minerals lost to time and space that no human technology would ever recognise. Damaging your partner as such was just another part of the act – it was expected, and your partner knew that he was damn lucky you didn’t kill him. Younger ones would suffer worse with you – even killed accidentally from too many fractures, broken bones, blood loss… Not him; with a name of ancient origin you thought he could have been older than you – but from a different part of the world.  

You squeezed your eyes shut again – on the edge of your, very human, climax. And Ralph was right back with you, the gentle sound of his voice coaxing you, hands laced with yours, how his kisses would swallow your groans as you struggled to hold back and the sweet way he would chuckle; ‘Baby… come on… just a little more… I got ya…’ Everything went cloudy for a moment, and Ralph flooded your senses heavier than before: it was his body and his weight, Ralph’s scent and his heartbeat flush with yours. His shiver as he unwound himself from that high that you couldn’t experience – not the way his human body would, but that fascinated you to watch, to feel. You withdrew your needle like teeth from the shoulder of your partner, running your tongue gently over the punctures to stop the flow of blood – you’d both heal quick. Another trait of your race. You slowed your breathing, silver eyes burning a little brighter, but Ralph’s ghost didn’t leave you this time. And before you knew it a single tear was sliding down your cheek. He didn’t see – this man would surely take his leave of you, even when you settled your head in the crook of his neck and pulled him closer, pretending this was anywhere near to what you had in Cherokee City. Yes, he’d leave – but Ralph Anderson never would. ***** Five Years Later… You raised your head from the morning paper – dumfounded. Once you’d got a good feel for people they were never really gone. Even if they’d never touched your soul – even if you’d never had their DNA flow through your veins, people still left a mark on you. This one you hadn’t felt in 5 years, and of all of them to turn up at your door, his wasn’t who you expected. You felt it long before his car pulled into the drive, but you let Yune Sablo step out of the vehicle before you opened your door, standing on the porch with your arms folded as he approached. There was a healthy silence between you as he kept his head bowed. Taking a deep breath before he raised his eyes to yours; there was a hard look on your face, it wasn’t welcoming. “What, is he too good to come and collect me himself!?” Yune immediately looked deflated, “You know I didn’t come here for Ralph.” You held your hand up, “No. Don’t – Don’t ruin it and say his name. What do you want?” “We need you.” Your arms folded and you ran your tongue over your bottom lip, eyebrows raised, “Uh huh.” “No really-!” Yune didn’t dare take even one step up your porch, he knew what you were. Even if he didn’t know what you were capable of, he’d seen enough from your fellow shapeshifters to not want to incur that from you – considering the displeasure on your face. “Y/N, there’s been a string of murders… Holly’s been putting it together and she came to Cherokee City for our help. But we need you.” “Holly?!” For a moment you seemed perplexed, your expression softened and Yune thought he might be able to sway you just by using her, but your eyes narrowed, “You told her?” “We had no choice. We need you. Don’t do it for him – do it for us. Do it for your race.” “Yune. It’s been 5 years, I’m DONE with Cherokee City. And I’m particularly done with its police department. What makes him think I want to see him again?” “I know it’s been 5 years. I think about that every day. That I could have prevented this, and if I’d just got to him quicker then he wouldn’t…” You let out a sigh, dropping your stance and relaxing, “Don’t beat yourself up over what Ralph Anderson did… I won’t let you do that to yourself. What do you need me for, you killed one before?” “Psychology. Getting inside its head. It’s trackable but… it’s careful. Much more careful than the last one.” You lowered your eyes, but nodded; “What makes you think I haven’t gone down that path myself? What makes you think I’m not gonna turn on all of you?” Yune shook his head; “I know you.” He did take that step, but hesitated as your eyes pierced his with an unnatural glimmer of silver. “If you care about us like I know you do, do it for us. Us.” He swallowed, “Y/N. You’re not a bad person. Or whatever you want to qualify yourself as. You can make a difference, and prove to us that you’re not all bad.” “I don’t have anything to prove.” This time when the silver shimmered to life it stayed, and Yune couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He still had no idea what Ralph had done to you; he was starting to think maybe he should have pressed his friend before coming out here. You looked around at the other houses, suddenly glad that Yune was in his own car and not a marked one, “How did you find me anyway?” “Like I said, you’re a good person. You kept your name and you’re registered here. It’s not… too hard.” It wasn’t a warm smile by any means, but you flicked your head towards your front door – “Okay. Before I come with you, you best come inside – for one, I better pack.” Yune grinned, happy that you were seemingly accepting, that you would answer their plea: “And notify work, right!?” Once inside you packed quickly; not before making Yune a quick cup of coffee. Allowing him some time to unwind before he’d have to drive all the way back. As you packed, Yune sat with his coffee staring around your house. Minimalist. There were barely any photographs on walls, or pictures either. It hardly looked lived in; a shell of a house. Even the bathrooms held no trace of being used. But there was something else too, where there should have been a bathroom mirror, he was faced with nothing. And being inquisitive, Yune found that if the mirrors in this house were still in place, then they were turned around. He wondered if that was a question he could just ask. Yune supposed he wasn’t exactly sure what Shifter etiquette would be. You’d just have to tell him where that line was. Realising just how trapped you’d be with him in a car back to Cherokee City, you weren’t surprised that Yune wanted to try to get all his questions in. You didn’t seem reluctant; and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about that. Because you weren’t exactly happy either. “So, how’ve you been? What have you been doing? There, uh, anyone you need to tell you’re leaving?” “Uh, I’m an analyst. It’s okay, it’s a job and I get paid… I like where I live. And no, I’m not attached, which is also fine… What else is there to say?” “I guess I expected you to be upset but… you’re here. You’re just, gonna come.” “I’ll be damned if I let Ralph Anderson make me bitter and twisted.” You smiled, “The street I live on is entirely couples. I surrounded myself with love – as I always do. Now that is truly the only way for my race to live. I thrive on that kind of love.” If you could call what you were doing right now ‘thriving’. “I could have lived on his, but we all know what happened there.” “Do you miss him?” There was silence for a long time, and your face was stoic as you mulled your answer over, before it fell, and you started to look upset: “It’s not just about missing him, Yune. He’s a part of me – they all are. And I’ll carry them all for the rest of my life, every strand of DNA I’ve ever replicated. But Ralph… I let him deeper than anyone. It’s easy to collect DNA and just go off and use it, but he… Do you have any idea what it’s like to look in a mirror and hate every fibre of what you are? It’s not just me he hates – it’s what I am! I can’t get away from that even if I do wear another face.” “That explains the mirrors.” He said it before he even realised, and quickly added an embarrassed “Sorry.” “No. You’re right. I can’t… stand myself. But I can’t stay out of this form for very long. So, I have to face it… but it’s not easy. Ralph Anderson is torture. But he helps.” “You – shift into Ralph!?” “He never told you what happened in that field did he?” “No.” “Figures.” But you offered no more on the subject, turning to the window, and Yune wouldn’t press you either: “I drive his car, I wear his clothes, I can face him in a mirror and I even keep track of what he's up to. When I remember. He’ll never get out of my head, and I’ll never get over him. That’s what I’m learning to live with. And now he’s dragging me back. Do I have a choice in facing this? You already know I don’t, Yune.” He reached out and gently patted your hand, “I’m sorry.” You whipped around quickly at the feel of his hand on yours, and he caught that silver again: “I’m not afraid of you, Y/N. And I’ll get you back soon I promise. I won’t let him hurt you.” You could only nod, and barely smile. You understood Yune’s sentiments; but what he was promising was impossible. Just seeing Ralph Anderson again would be more painful than anything you’d faced. You returned your gaze slowly to the scenery and took a deep breath. You weren’t about to tell Yune that you were nervous, thoughts chasing themselves around your head. You were already being torn up by the prospect of seeing him again, and the longer you had to stay in Cherokee City the more torn you’d become. Get in, solve the case, get out. And it being that quick was your only hope… ***

Ralph Anderson would probably never admit it to anyone, but what he was feeling towards you wasn’t far off what you were feeling for him. Ever since he’d gone home from the ‘agreement’ he hadn’t been sleeping well. This morning Yune had simply sent him a text to let him know he was on his way to collect you. You still bore the same name and face – and Ralph wasn’t sure how he’d react when he saw you. Last night had been the worst; wrecked with dreams good and bad, and all of them about you. The worst, and one that had been reoccurring since you left, was the field – playing out exactly the same, except sometimes he’d pull that trigger – sometimes you would attack him and leave him to die – and sometimes he’d be back in that cave in Tennessee, but it’d be you he was facing. You wouldn’t leave him, and he was anxious. What would happen when he did see you again – would he be just as fearful as he was facing you before? Or would it turn to anger and hatred? He wasn’t sure he wanted to show that side of himself to his friends. Which made Ralph ponder exactly what you might be telling Yune. There’s two sides to every story though, and surely Yune would understand mine… He was nervous to see you too – because something else he’d realised, in the past 5 years, was that he couldn’t hate you. Of course, Ralph did hate you, but only because he couldn’t love you. How was that possible, after all you’d done? With what you were. It was still early but he was sitting at his desk and sipping straight bourbon. He’d need it, Ralph knew that much. He opened the top draw and was faced with a picture of you; pulling the frame out he stared at your face, wishing he felt nothing and only stopping when his eyes started to smart. It had only been recently that he’d cleared traces of you from the house. Yune shouldn’t have been surprised at the mirrors in your home because the pictures in Ralph’s told the same story, turned around or face down until he finally rid his residence of them. Your clothes were all in bags in the garage, but he’d never quite got around to his promise of burning them all. Ralph had been on dates but, he’d never found anyone else. He just classed himself as emotionally unavailable. But never had much trouble blaming you for this. Maybe he was just waiting for something he couldn’t have – and maybe Ralph was waiting on miracles. Although he’d never mention that either. As he strolled into the department that morning, Holly observed him with worry. Of course she was already up bright and early. Ralph slumped down in his chair with a sigh; and looked more tired than she’d ever seen him. Holly made coffee and set it in front of him without even asking. She felt Ralph probably needed more than that, but wasn’t about to encourage drinking when she needed them to focus. “You look like you didn’t sleep much.” “Yeah, well. It’s a big day, I’m not the best sleeper as it is these days.” She at least looked sympathetic as he gazed up at her to thank her for the coffee. “Are you ready for this?” Ralph nodded a few times slowly, before it quickly turned into a head shake; “I’ve never been more unprepared in my life.”

*** Ralph’s adrenaline and heartbeat spiked the second he heard your voice – but he could control it. Your sentences were cut and single words to answer Yune’s questions – but not unfriendly. The unmistakable sound of your footfall had him looking up as you both walked into the room. You stopped dead as your eyes caught his – as did your talking. You hadn’t changed one bit, you looked like you hadn’t even aged a day – frozen in time, just like the pictures, and memories that filled Ralph’s mind. Somehow that made everything hurt just that little bit more. Yune and Holly stood around like awkward third wheels; but, certainly aware of the hostile tension that had just engulfed the room. Your face didn’t really convey a lot of emotion, but your glare was heavy and it made Ralph shift uncomfortably in his seat. That movement undid all his hard work of keeping it together, and although he was still holding your gaze, he suddenly looked pathetic and guilty. It didn’t make you feel anything: As he should. You turned away from him, to Holly. “I believe you need me for your investigation.” Ralph immediately shuddered at the sound of your voice and found it hard not to vocalise something, even when you weren’t talking to him. “You want to get inside the mind of a shifter, you’ve got one. I will caution you before we begin, we aren’t all the same. So, lay it on me – what you want to know AND already know. Yune said there was a pattern, maybe I can determine what type this shifter is from that…” You took a breath, unable to keep yourself from smiling at her, “It’s good to see you again, Holly. Thank you for believing in me.” And Ralph knew that was an immediate shot at him. Holly instantly beamed, and the tension in the room dissipated, because you weren’t expecting it. The third human in the room was forgotten for a moment, and you let your icy façade melt. These two hadn’t done anything to you, at least not yet, so you had to behave amicably to prove a point. Not that you wouldn’t have – but in the presence of people who knew what you were, you at least knew you had to be careful. “It’s good to see you too, Y/N. I have to say this revelation is at least a little fascinating.” “Well… Anything I can do to prove we aren’t all like him. This seems to be getting a little ridiculous.” “You’re not wrong…” But she kept smiling as she studied you, “I mean, they’ve told me what they know…” she indicated to Ralph and Yune. “And you don’t appear to be like he was – you don’t shed, is that correct? You… uh… shimmer?” Your eyes gravitated to her coffee cup, “I can show you. If you want. The problem is your last one was a baby. If you start coming up against those much older it’ll just get harder. The patterns this one is leaving could just be a flashy show of confidence. Not mistakes.” “Show us?” Ralph shifted anxiously and you could feel his unease, turning your eyes on him: “You already know I can do you, what’s the point in that?” You indicated to Holly’s coffee cup, “If you’re finished with that… I can…” She tipped her head in thought, then decided to nod and handed it over, continuing her questioning as you inspected the rim of the cup. “You don’t need my blood?” “That’s the easiest way, and how we start off – then we graduate. Any form of DNA works fine and it doesn’t need to be consumed. But again, that depends how old you are.” You stopped twisting the cup and glanced back to Holly, “You’re SURE you want me to do this? I can’t get inside your head, I promise that. But I will feel your emotion.” She nodded, but questioned again, “What is that like?” “For me…” You gave a shrug, lifting the cup to your lips and running your tongue across the edge, “It’s all I know.” You placed it down and waited patiently for the DNA to code itself into you – “This’ll take a second-. But you put me in a café and you leave your cup behind. Bam. I have you on file for the rest of my life. Some would rather their long string of love affairs; one-night stands or kisses its all the same, some just like the taste of blood. I think the less interaction the better, personally.” You stretched, “You sure you’re ready for this?” Holly nodded, but you knew all of them were immediately more tense as you took a breath and shimmered – Ralph couldn’t help but be transfixed to watched the way your eyes lit that haunting silver as your body once more seemed to wash with pixels, before Holly stood face to face with herself. You blinked a few times, eyes still shining. “Sorry.” Holly and Yune jumped at her voice from your mouth, “The eyes always take a little longer than anything else.” “And you can just change back?!” “Mhm.” You gave a nod, “Give me a few minutes, it’s like going through a hard reset.” “Why are there so many different species? I mean he wasn’t like you… I met another and he wasn’t like you either…” “Evolution. We do the same thing in different ways. Species and genus, I guess. But practice. He took a month to change, it used to take me longer to change. I had to go through a middle step of reverting back to true form to switch humans. It’s not the most intuitive thing.” “True form?” “I said to Ralph before…” You paused for a minute as your DNA began to even out over Holly’s, “I’m much more traditionally monster than human. Think… animal, not… person. In fact, we’d fit a lot better in your animal kingdom than we would the way you live. Excuse me.” You held your hand up and shifted yourself back, “See. It’s THAT simple.” Holly tilted her head; “Could… you elaborate?” “Sure. I’m Quadrupedal, little bit more front heavy. Sharp teeth like needles, claws… I’m used to four digits. If we did stand up…  maybe 8ft tall, probably bigger. Females are the larger of the species. You seem to be getting lucky on that front. Males don’t tend to survive the mating process – think spiders.” “I’m starting to think it’s a good thing you look human.” Yune sounded more than a little faint. “Yeah well, humans went and hunted us down – so we had to adapt.” You nodded to Holly’s board, “What do you think you have? One like me? Worse?” “WORSE!?” Yune looked across to you. “Hun, I am by no means the oldest of my kind. There are worse out there than the type I am. There’s a kind that never evolved – think parasitic worms.” “W-WHAT!?” You smirked, “Yeah. Way worse. That’d kill me easy.” You shot Ralph a look, “Detective, sitting there thinking ‘shame’ isn’t exactly helpful.” Ralph looked perplexed for a minute, deer in headlights. “Just because I can’t hear your thoughts, doesn’t mean I don’t know what you’re thinking.” You sat back on the desk as Holly went through her discoveries and you started to try to piece together the person she was describing. Which type they could be.  You could already offer suggestions: it was a strange set of patterns, and there were things they weren’t seeing because they weren’t shapeshifters. You liked that at least two people in the room seemed receptive and thankful for your presence on this. Holly brought up her video footage after that – the suspects looked slightly different in each but they all had the same movements, the same way of doing things. They weren’t trying to blend into the people they were copying, simply use them as a disguise. You were impressed she’d managed to get so far on body language. Yet there was something familiar about it that concerned you. Just how many of your kind had you been around in your life? Too many to recall and yet each one, just like the DNA you all collected, imprinted into your memory in a different way. This one was in your bank somewhere. It wasn’t what you wanted to realise. That unease certainly didn’t end as Holly continued to pull up pictures; and suddenly you became too alert, straightening and stiffening on the desk your nails gripped the table, eyes wide in shock. He’s not hiding anymore… Holly read this immediately; “You know him… don’t you?” You swallowed hard, realising all eyes were now on you. You did, of course you did. And he wasn’t someone you had to comb through your memories to find – he was right there; the man had just left you. “Better than I would care to say…” you nodded to her screen, “He’s not hiding. That’s his face. The equivalent of what I chose to present to you.” Then you shook your head, “SHIT!” After what you’d been through for nearly three years? Now you find this out?! It shouldn’t have bothered you, loving and leaving was what your race did. But this was worse than that. Ralph could read you like a book, and found that his jealousy and pain were blending together; “Oh, it hurts doesn’t it? When you find out the person you’re with isn’t what they seem.” You didn’t miss a beat: “What, don’t like what you see in the mirror?” Once again your detective didn’t have a comeback. “How recently?” “He left me 3 years ago. That’s nothing new, that’s how it works.” “What works?” You hesitated, but opted to continue: “Well, any ‘relationship’ really. We don’t… mate for life.” It was like air had just left the room, and you didn’t dare look at Ralph Anderson’s face. All you would see was anger and betrayal. “We were together a surprisingly long while, I suppose our cycles can be sensed. 27 years is a long time to wait for something like that.” Holly blinked a few times; “I didn’t think you could have… children. Every 27 years?” “Nothing to us. But I can assure you, we have children. At least my branch of our race can.” “So... you’re not sterile?” “Anything in your hospitals, honey, would say I was, even during the cycle. Males don’t have cycles but would still show as sterile in your readings.” “How many do you have?” Well, you’d come this far… “Alive? I can’t tell you. 17 total.” Ralph did the quick calculation in his head. That made you 435 years old, minimum. On the assumption that every 27 years you did in fact bare children. And you looked like only the last 2 numbers of that. But it was bothering him; “How – how can you not know how many are alive!? You only just had one.” You sighed, turning to him – sure enough he was the spitting image of the man who’d pointed a gun at your head. Only now Ralph just looked like he wished he’d pulled the trigger. “What part of monster, or, animal don’t you understand?? We’re not humans, we present as human. There’s no 18 years and close relationships, Ralph. Once they’re ready to leave, they leave. When a bird can fly it leaves the nest. It’s exactly the same – you’re thinking too much about my body not my genetics.” Why was he still so pissed about the whole kids thing, anyway? Why did Ralph care either way about you and your race? You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes; “As you keep pointing out – Ralph Anderson – I’m not human.” You turned back to Holly, “His name is Aldric. And we have a problem here, his race is like mine – maybe a little worse and certainly faster. I might be bigger, but I’m almost certain he’s older than me.” Ralph scowled from his chair, folding his arms and crossing his legs: “Fucking perfect.” They continued their rounds of questions and you remained to help them work through patterns you could see that they couldn’t. But every time you saw Aldric’s face it jarred you – mating wasn’t the problem, that was a call you had to answer if possible. If their first shifter had been around you’d have still answered it; it was the fact that it had been a relationship, of sorts, first. And you didn’t form friendships with Shifters that did things like this – dead against killing for what it had cost your race in the past. Aldric had passed all your tests, a genuinely upstanding guy – you hadn’t sensed that he was hiding anything – so what had happened? It wasn’t a question you could answer, but one that you desperately needed to know. Nothing like having a second personal stake in all this… Having said that, every time Ralph said something pointed or facetious, you only ever responded cold and emotionlessly; shutting him down at every turn. You weren’t going to let him sit there pretending he was in the clear on this one. You were around the point of calling it quits, when they were all explaining to you where he’d been seen most recently. Currently it didn’t look like he was moving from that city – they all theorised that Aldric was choosing his next victim before he moved on. You couldn’t help but agree, even though you didn’t want to. The next few days would be vital. Although as they continued talking about next steps, you tipped your head and lost yourself in another thought. Was this going to involve killing Aldric? Was that what you wanted? Was it the only way? Could he be brought to justice… could a monster like you ever be brought to that kind of justice? Instead you voiced your question quietly; “Don’t you guys think you’re going to need a lawyer when this blows up?” They turned to each other, and it was obvious that none of them had considered a situation that didn’t end with a body. Yune frowned: “Well there’s always the DA?” Ralph immediately scoffed, “The DA is useless, I still don’t get how he won the election. I don’t trust him with half my shit.” “…Then who!?” Yune was clearly going to keep your spirits up, yet you weren’t under any illusions. Instead you got a bright idea of your own, Hayes: “I know just the guy.” Then it really was late, and you did all have to call it a night. Ralph was the first one to stand, and looked to you, “Well, you can come stay with me.” You looked at him like he was insane, and then laughed, “I’d rather sleep in the car. Or in a jail cell here, than go home with you.” That clearly stung, Ralph wasn’t expecting it. But you had enough doubts about this detective not to take him up on it. You didn’t want to be in that house, and certainly not with him. Ralph was making his feelings for you quite obvious and if the last five years had changed his stance, he might truly kill you this time. To stop the silence from being any more awkward, Yune stepped in, “It’s okay – you can stay with me. It’ll be fine.” “Oh…” You weren’t sure you expected that, “Thank you.” He nodded his ‘you’re welcome’, “If you’re ready we can go. Be back here bright and early.” You all said your goodbyes, but you paused at the door; “OH! Can I take the map? It might take me all night, but I’ll figure out where he’s likely hiding. Shifters are nothing if not habitual…” “Sure! Thank you, Y/N!” Holly once again beamed as you rolled the map up and smiled back, “No problem. Mutual goals and all that right?” “Mhm, Goodnight Y/N! Don’t stay up too late.” “I’ll try-!” You grinned, “Goodnight, Holly.” The obviousness of you not even acknowledging Ralph, let alone wishing him a goodnight, was not lost on him – you still didn’t care. With the map tucked under your arm, you followed Yune out to the elevators. “You still love her, don’t you?” Ralph’s eyes flicked to Holly, then back to your receding frame – talking to Yune, you seemed so much happier out of this room. Out of Ralph’s presence. The detective chewed his lip, deciding to let his expression answer for him. ***

After staying up most of the night pouring over the map and your laptop, you had a fair idea of where Aldric could be. After all, you knew him, right? At least you thought you did. You were starting to think that the revelations of your ex-partners were becoming a little too much. You left Yune’s house early – just about catching him as you were taking off out the door. Upon asking where you were going, and you announcing you were about to drag the ex-DA into this, he laughed. “Need a lift?” “No. I could use the walk.” “You know where you’re going?” “Mhm. I did the research; I’ll meet you all back at the precinct. Hopefully lawyer in tow.” “Alright, see you soon Y/N… OH!” You turned back at his gentle tug on your sleeve, “It’s good to see you again. I don’t know if I said yet. It’s just real good to have you back.” You let yourself beam, “Thanks Yune… I needed that.” The sign read K.W.S.Hayes and Partners – KWS? Well okay, Mr. Two-Middle-Names. You laughed to yourself as you walked through the front door. You were glad everything was still quiet; you could avoid a lot of people you knew and awkward questions that way. You didn’t even need an appointment. Well, not that you’d let someone who barely looked out of her twenties stop you, with your “I’m an old friend.” Kenneth Hayes jumped, and this time his papers did scatter everywhere. You watched them float to the floor, only wishing it was five years earlier, before your eyes met his again and you closed his door. “How the HELL did you-” “Old friends tends to get me places.” “Jesus, who let you back into Cherokee City?!” “I’m not in your office to do anything but get you on this case.” He hesitated, “What case?” “Surprise, surprise, there’s another of me out there and your PD want my help.” There was too long a pause and you knew that he was only pretending to be disinterested, “No thanks, isn’t that a DA role?” You folded your arms, “They left you in the dark last time. I won’t let them do it again. Besides, I hear the current DA isn’t so hot and I KNOW a good lawyer when I see one.” He squinted at you for a moment, then scoffed, very nearly disgusted. “Find someone else.” “Don’t misunderstand me, Hayes.” You took a step, eyes flashing. “I don’t just want you on this case, they need you on this case. And if I have to drag you across town to the PD kicking and screaming… well…” You indicated to yourself, knowing that would explain enough. Hayes swallowed, accepting his fate, “When do we start?” You smirked, “Oh baby, the fun has already begun!” As you might expect, and they probably expected to from their previous experience, there was a good network of caves on both sides of the city and scores of abandoned buildings grouped together - from what you’d been able to gather, also fairly overgrown. “But he’s older than you.” “It’s habitual.” At this point you were getting sick of Ralph questioning everything that came out of your mouth, and were sure the other three (now Hayes was up to speed) were sitting there internally groaning ‘ohhh my god, will you two quit it! We got a case to work on.’  “It’s not about the hiding to change, although it may be to do with not wanting to be disturbed. It’s about dragging your prey somewhere quiet. It’s about remaining inconspicuous and in the shadows. None of us grew up in cities and towns, the world simply changed around us. Places like naturally occurring caves are like our ancestral homes.” You tapped the map, “Abandoned shells of buildings are an alright substitute. We all adapted to this sure, but he’s actively killing – and that’s an instinct we evolved with. He’s thinking home. I know it.” You placed your balled fist against your mouth for a moment allowing for a pause for thought; “I can’t get you closer unless we’re actually there, but, once we are it’ll be more accurate. And I can pinpoint exactly where he’s staying – especially considering our history.” “Can he sense… you?” “Possibly. But I doubt he’d think twice about it. He wouldn’t know why I’m there…” Suddenly you found yourself getting disheartened: “I just don’t get it. It’s been the first time in a long while I’ve seen so many of us. Holly you’ve seen three, well four, of us now. How am I’m the only good one? It was never like this. They shouldn’t be the rule.” The silver shine on your eyes was dull as they smarted, and Yune put his hand over yours; “Maybe it’s because you’re the only one left alive old enough to remember the times when you weren’t oppressed. You said it yourself, you don’t know how old he is. Maybe everyone else has heard these stories and wants revenge. Wants to feed on our pain and suffering, because humans caused your entire race pain.” “But how can they not realise that LOVE... love is...” Holly reached for your other hand, understanding what Yune was trying to do; if they lost your help to delusion they would never get anywhere: “But you experienced that. Who’s to say they ever did?” Try as Holly might she was unable to keep her glance off Ralph, who gave Holly a similarly worried look. “But how can they not tell the difference?” “Closed off to it? Maybe they don’t recognise it... maybe pain is so strong that the sustainability of love is not worth it... it doesn’t register.” You took your hands back, not allowing a sob, but rubbing the tears away before they could flow down your cheeks. Too many people were suffering – you had all suffered too but, humans didn’t need to bear the sins of their ancestors. Was there no way to live in harmony? You found yourself crying, not only for your race, but for everyone who had to grieve because of it.

*** You all gave yourselves an hour to get ready, not that you weren’t already living out of a bag. The original idea was the four of you went down and confronted him, as they had done in Tennessee. That this time they’d keep Hayes completely in the loop. The lawyer was already clearly invested, which made you happy, as he shook his head: “I didn’t get involved last time on your decision. I’d quite like to be included this time on my own terms. I can see it through – then I’ll avoid any strange stories floating my way.” He was clearly referring to that Jack Hoskins lie, he nodded to you, “Besides. I trust her.” Your eyebrows raised at this but you bowed your head in thanks. 3 down, 1 to go. Of course he would be the most difficult. Yune let you sit quietly alone as he packed and before you knew it you were standing back in the precinct deciding on whose car was being taken. The final decision landed on Ralph’s and Yune’s, so you split your things and yourselves between the two cars. Obviously, the idea was to keep you and Ralph separate. He wasn’t so happy about that decision and ended up overruling everyone by force; arm out to pin you back against his car. “What are you-” “Nope.” “Ralph!” “They might trust you, but I certainly don’t. You’re coming with me.” His voice was low and left you glaring at him again, he nodded Holly towards Yune’s car but she was hesitant. You took a breath and moved her on instead. “It’s okay Holly, I’ll be okay.” She clearly wasn’t having that, and as Ralph kept you pinned there, you watched her whisper urgently to Yune; you could imagine that she wanted to make sure this car was in sight of theirs the whole time. You drew your eyes away from them and back to your ex-partner, “What, so you can finish what you started?” “Don’t flatter yourself. I swear to God, you even THINK of hurting them.” “Don’t you think I would have done it before now? What is wrong with you?! How can he change your opinion of me so easily?” “You lied to me!” “And you threatened to shoot me twice. You said it yourself Ralph, if you didn’t love me I’d be dead, so you can stop acting like I’M the threat here.” It was strange to be so close to him again, his DNA used to be a part of your everyday existence. By shifting into him so often – and being comfortable there – you’d kept that true. But now he was back this close to you, your body was giving you many different reactions. It was as repulsed by him as it wanted to pull him into you and never let him go. The confusion was not helping you keep control and you knew that silver was burning again by the way distress momentarily flickered over his features. Somehow the car ride wasn’t as tense as you imagined. You supposed there was so much you really had to say to each other, considering the passage of time. Yet neither of you knew how or where to begin; and both of you were guilty of something. For a long time there was silence, before Ralph took a calm breath and broke it. “Why did you come back?” You eyed him curiously, “You needed me. I assumed if you let Yune turn up on my doorstep at all, you were fine with it. I want to stop this as much as you do, even if you don’t believe that.” “You understand why I have trust issues with you, right?” “I think you must understand the same.” Ralph nodded: “As long as we’re on the same page.” There was another pause before he started again, “Five years is a long time to still hate someone.” “I don’t hate you, and I’m certainly not scared of you, but if you touch me I’m gonna throw a fit.” He nodded to the car in front, “Don’t think I haven’t seen Yune checking his mirrors every five seconds and the way Hayes always turns around. They’re watching out for ya.” You lowered your eyes to the floor, and spoke quieter, “I am not to blame for the sins of my race. I wish you’d been able to see past that. But every time you look at me, all I can see is how you feel about them. I’m the rule, Ralph. We’ve never been like this... I guess we’re all just angry.” “All. Including you.” “Understanding, of why humans rose up. We’re not Gods – even if we acted like it. Stories passed through generations; those so twisted by what happened. I get that – it hurt, to be hunted that way. But murdering humans doesn’t help anything. And killing you all now? Children with bad tempers don’t represent my race. And yet will become the poster children.” Ralph shifted in his seat, about as uncomfortably as you might expect, before turning his eyes on you. There really wasn’t a lot you had to ask, he understood what you were getting at. You turned away from him, rubbing your hands together, before moving the same motion to your wrists. It was too painful for him to think of you in handcuffs, so he took another breath and smiled. He was beginning to think that you were as wrong as you were right; no, you weren’t like them, but Ralph considered that you were the exception these days, not the rule. It was unfortunate that the group had dealt with so many bad ones. He was warming to you; it was going to take some time, but he knew he was. He wanted so badly to reach for you and tell you that. But he knew he couldn’t, Ralph Anderson swallowed fixing his eyes back on the road and the car in front just as Yune eyed him again. They didn’t trust him with you either and he had more than proved they had grounds. You should have known that the amicable atmosphere between you wouldn’t last. Your question was innocent enough, he knew you had ‘moved on’ – if that was even a thing your race did; you’d at least have classed yourself in something akin to a relationship with Aldric. He was the father of one of your children after all – but Ralph had kept quiet about his own love life. It’d been five whole years – he might have been older, but that didn’t mean you didn’t know how women looked at him; and with that face? You couldn’t blame them. “Are you single?” He blinked before he answered, slowly, “Yes.” “Huh.” Your mouth became a thin line, nearly a frown, “I’m surprised, I thought it’d be easy for you to move on. Surely all the girls are killing to date you now? Have you been with anyone?” Maybe he had and it hadn’t lasted – it’d been a long time. You were met with immediate hostility: “Well how can I trust anyone is who they say they are after you?!” Feeling that was pretty uncalled for, you shot back, “Don’t blame me for YOUR feelings. You know all the tells. You should have just gone ahead and dated!” Ralph glared at you, it was icy and threatening, causing you to back up against the car door; “Yeah well, I didn’t, did I? I didn’t just go off and fuck someone else. And have kids.” Your eyebrows knitted together in anger, “Screw you Ralph Anderson. You’re the one who said you never wanted to see me again. And I TOLD you, we can’t have children. What is your obsession with that-?! I’m surprised not to find you married with kids the amount you go on about it!!” “Well I’m not, am I?! I don’t just get to choose to do something like that! I accepted we couldn’t have kids, but that’s all bullshit anyway! All you ever did was lie!” “Don’t you put this on me!” You slammed your hand on the dashboard, turning your body fully to him; “WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS, WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN’T CARE!!” “Because you can have them!” “Once every 27 years Ralph! And you can’t treat them like human children. They would never stay. You can’t bend them to that, and they wouldn’t be… yours.” “I dunno, surrogacy? Adoption? We never even talked about it.” “Why didn’t you bring that up!? How easy do you think that would be? I don’t… die like you do. I’d live my life with you, and then when you passed on, I’d take a few years and disappear. And then start over. But there’s never going to be another you Ralph. They always warned me about humans, and they were right. But you were worth every fucking second until you tore it all up." “Are you saying this is MY fucking fault!? If you’re at least over 400 then how the hell did you ever think we’d work out?!” “I’d age up with you. It’s easy. Ralph, you never would have noticed. Without him all my little tells are ticks and tricks of the light.” “You bleed blue!” “Well that still took you four years and killing one of us.” Then you remembered, “Fuck, you nicked me, didn’t you? To check that I really was…” You placed your hands over your eyes, groaning, “Why didn’t you just ask?! You could have just asked. And calmly told me to get out… instead you pointed a gun to my head and threw me in a jail cell.” “Y/N-” “No. No.” You protested, “I’m fucking DONE Ralph. Don’t touch me, don’t even talk to me.” You rolled your body away from him and curled yourself up as best you could in the seat, closing your eyes. Hopefully sleep would come quick and would last the rest of the car ride. Hopefully it wouldn’t be plagued with bad dreams… You wouldn’t say that your dreaming was bad, just that your dreams were more content to feed you memories… This one of Aldric, of course. You understood why, perhaps most obviously because you couldn’t wrap your head around his sudden change. Aldric knew all about Ralph Anderson, you were only too happy to share your experiences with someone who understood them. Yet it wasn’t just because you’d told him, but because of your tendency to shift into Ralph: just to hear his voice, or see his face (albeit in a mirror), because you felt safe and comfortable in a body so familiar to you. Ralph looked – and was – a 6ft-odd tall, sure of himself man; no one was going to bother you when you were Ralph Anderson. It was a face Aldric got used to, but saw less and less of the longer he stayed. He counted that as progress, with his best smile. Aldric knew you still had bad days, where you’d lie on the bed and all the mirrors would turn around – humans had scarred you deep, and he didn’t like that much. Unlike everyone else, who would get angry and do something about it, you’d become a little more withdrawn; a mix of heart-break and self-hatred. He’d asked a thousand times ‘why always him’ and it wasn’t a question you could answer. ‘Why someone who caused you so much damage?’ The simple answer wasn’t one you could say out loud: that DNA coded into you was all you had left of him. The long answer would require you spilling to him all your feelings and details of your relationship that were yours to know – and would go unspoken to your grave. The best you could do was shrug; “Because I loved him. He’s just… familiar.” That was a lie too, there was no loved past tense about it. Even if Ralph had uttered that word himself. Aldric took your hand in his, with a gentle sigh: “Isn’t it amazing, over millions of years of our own race’s evolution and countless lifetimes, just how much one man has fucked you up? You’re hung up on one human and four years… in all that you’ve lived. Y/N…  I’m just sorry he did this. Though as if it isn’t something typically human.” He took a breath, gathering your body to his and stroking your hair; “Well. I’m here, for now… and I won’t let them hurt you again.” Aldric was always so nice and gentle with you and just as lovely to the humans you lived around – he never talked about having problems with them, so you doubted it was all a façade. It didn’t make any sense. How can THIS man now be murdering people…!? *** Ralph wasn’t the one who woke you up when you got to your destination, Hayes was. If he was trying to make up for anything, you would call him out on it – but he wasn’t. He was just trying to be a good man – whilst simultaneously checking that his friend was treating you right. You appreciated that they were worried, they didn’t have to care about you. Only that you’d help them solve this – and you would despite Ralph’s treatment of you. Or, in spite of it. In fact they always kept at least a body between you and Ralph, and you wondered exactly who they were protecting; him or you.

 It was late, but you had to strategize and figure out where he was. It wasn’t hard for you, Aldric was everywhere, so whilst the other three were trying to figure out the best and fastest way to hit him, Hayes drove you aimlessly around town. “Where you think he’ll be?” “He’s not in town – but it’s a recent move. I’m certain he based himself here.” “Will he be able to sense you?” “We’ll need a miracle…. My reason for being here could be anything. It’s the rest of you I’m worried about.” You were lying down in the back seat, trying to focus on the signals you could feel and almost taste in the air. That familiarity hurt now as much as Ralph’s did… You pushed your detective back for a minute, why won’t you stay in your godamn lane!, as Hayes took his rings around town further and further out, until you sat bolt upright. “STOP.” You were immediately on edge, too close and too soon. Like your head was spinning. “Woah, you okay!?” Hayes turned in his seat and it was plain to see the tension in your face and body, “Y/N? Is he here!?” You pointed to the map; “Are we leading anywhere?” “Uh…” He picked it up, “Yeah, there’s like an outcropping here…” Hayes jabbed it, “It looks like mountains though, and we are slightly inclining.” He handed it to you and you studied the map hard for a moment, before you traced your finger along what looked like a mountain ridge to one small black dot. “Here.” You turned to the lawyer and for once he didn’t even flinch as your eyes flickered bright silver – was that fear? “Do you have a pen?” “Yeah-!” Of course Hayes had one in his pocket, you put a ring around it and turned to him pushing the map into his chest. “He’s there.” *** Holly was the one in the car with you today, and she took your hand in hers. “You okay?” “No.” You had to be honest and she smiled, squeezing your hand, “Oh, sweetheart… This must be harder for you than anything else.” “What if I’ve always been wrong about my race?” You chewed the inside of your lip. “You’re better than we are, Y/N. Whether you’re the exception or the rule shouldn’t matter, should it, but how good you are. And after what you’ve seen from this particular community… that’s enough to twist anyone up. Yet here you are, still you.” You turned slowly to her, and couldn’t help but smile: “I could say the same for you.” She laughed, “I guess we both understand each other.” “An outsider knows an outsider.” You repeated a phrase of hers that had burned in you then, it held no less significance now. Holly squeezed your hand once more as you seemed to approach the cave entrance – your breath caught again and you tried not to let Aldric flood back: focusing just on Holly and smiling through it, “You got that right!” You slid out of the car with her, watching the guys all gear up just as fast. They would have to work quick and quiet if they were ever going to make it through this alive. You were glad everyone was wearing long sleeves: no one was taking chances. You nearly scoffed as you watched Hayes holster a pistol: “You know how to use that?” “I’m from Georgia, sweetie. Yeah, I do.” You laughed as if that had any merit to it, and Holly cleared her throat, holding a pistol out for you. You raised an eyebrow and grinned, shaking your head; “Honey, all my weapons are in built. I don’t need that.” Yune also sidled over, “And none of us want to see that in action.” “Pray you won’t need to.” “How is he?” “Quiet. If Aldric’s expecting anything he’s not tense, or angry, or frightened. I wouldn’t count on the element of surprise, just assume that he knows.” Ralph seemed to be taking an awful long time about this, and your eyes narrowed at his back, causing the others to turn to him. “Ralph?!” “Yeah, I- you guys go – We’ll bring up the rear.” “We?” “Yeah.” He pointed at you, “We. I want you at the back where I can see you.” “Why?” Although you knew it was a stupid question as soon as you said it and his face darkened, “Okay. Okay, we’ll do this your way.” Although you were loath to point out that if he was scared you were about to team up with Aldric, putting you at the back left the four of them trapped in the middle. It was more likely so Ralph could keep a gun trained on you at all times. You turned to the rest of them, “You guys go. Be careful, maybe two groups would be better, don’t do anything stupid.” They almost couldn’t believe you were agreeing with this, but nodded along – anything so as not to cause a huge argument right in the middle of the operation. They weren’t walking so fast though, clearly not wanting to completely split the group, you assumed that they would wait for you just inside the entrance. You crossed to him: “Is there gonna be a problem with you and me?” “No.” “Ralph you don’t have to lie to me.” “I told you, they might trust you, but I don’t. That’s all there is to it.” You leant against the car, looking dead in his eyes, “How do I know I can trust you?” “You don’t.” And he proved it; all too late did you realise that he’d been ready all along, and before you could stop him, your wrist was cuffed to the door handle. “RALPH!!!” “Shut up, or I really will finish what I started in that field.” He growled, hand over your mouth as you struggled. “You son of a BITCH-! They will DIE without me! What are you doing-!?” “We survived before, sweetheart.” His smile wasn’t friendly, so the pet name wasn’t either, “I don’t trust what you’ll do when you see him, I don’t trust you around him, or us. And I won’t see good people die again on account of YOUR race.” “Are you kidding?! I thought we were getting somewhere, but here come your true fucking colours again!” You pulled against the handcuffs, “Ralph! Let me go!” “No. You’re gonna stay here until we get back. And if we don’t get back, you’re gonna die here.” “What the fuck is your problem!?” He raised an eyebrow, and you realised it was another stupid question. “RALPH!” but he turned and started walking, “Shit! RALPH!!!” You tugged again, foot up against the car, to no avail and the cuff dug in. You rolled your sleeve back, wrist already showing a friction line. “You fucking asshole!” You turned back to watch him walk into the distance, “Are you SO stupid as to kill everyone on account of me-!?” When Ralph reached the group of three waiting just inside the caves, they all peered around for you and simultaneously took a deep breath to give him hell. He held a finger to his lips – knowing that what was waiting for them was far more dangerous. They didn’t need to announce their arrival any more than necessary. “I don’t trust her. Would you? We’ve seen what one of them can do, you think we can handle two of them? I don’t think we can risk it.” And the look on Ralph’s face said no protesting. “Where is she?!” Yune hissed, surprisingly looking the most pissed. Considering he’d tried to do right by you twice before Ralph had decided to screw it up. “Safe. But most certainly in handcuffs, now are we moving or what?!” They all looked to each other before begrudgingly moving on into the caves together, but Yune paused before he allowed Ralph to go any further. “You’re a fucking idiot. You know that?” “I’m doing this for the good of everyone.” Yune rolled his eyes, and muttered something in Spanish that Ralph assumed wasn’t good. “You ever think about her?! Even once?” Ralph gave him a look that shut the conversation down completely. But it couldn’t have juxtaposed the situation more; and his outward attitude was fooling everyone nicely. Of course he had; he was doing it to protect you. *** Focusing on them and their wellbeing became increasingly hard for three reasons. Ralph and your bond wasn’t the strongest, even though you had his DNA in your vein’s – as the group of four traversed deeper you started to lose him. Aldric’s own feelings were giving you unease – pretty sure that he knew you were here, if he hadn’t already he’d become aware of the presence of four human’s soon; without you protecting them you were sure it would become a massacre. And finally, you were trying to concentrate on breaking the cuffs – or the car door, whichever buckled first. Preferably the cuffs though, because hopefully you’d get to drive out of this. You had more strength than a human in you, but all that was helping with was the metal digging deep into your skin; ink blue already ran from your wrist and spotted all over the ground. If you did all die here forensics would have a field day with that. The change happened instantaneously. Aldric’s calm aura became hostile, forcing you to gasp and wheel back to the cave entrance: Guys! Why didn’t Ralph think about this? Aldric was leaving a string of murders, did they really think he would care about 4 bodies in the middle of nowhere. What about your presence; this wasn’t going to end well no matter what way you looked at it. And Ralph - Aldric knew everything about Ralph, if he attacked them your detective would be shown no mercy. You turned back to your handcuffs; “SHIT!” crying in both frustration and the pain of the cut. There was no other way to save them but by shifting completely; reverting back into the real monster they thought you were. To save them you would do anything. To save him- You closed your eyes and breathed deep, inhale, exhale; your eyes reopened to blurred and burning silver reflected back at you, human skin dissipating into something rougher and grey; elongated fingers splicing from five to four digits – this was the first time DNA separation had caused you to feel so dysmorphic. You knew the look you’d see on his face; if he rejected you now…well, hadn’t Ralph already? The metal snapped without you needing to pull as your wrists expanded – body filling out to complete mass. You stepped back, hands down; quadrupedal, and turned towards the cave entrance, sure of yourself enough to sprint towards it. They needed you NOW – or they weren’t leaving this alive. ***

Four beams of light swept in concentric patterns across the floor, walls and ceiling of the cave. It seemed darker and colder than the one they’d confronted the Outsider in. But pretty – patterns in rock cut and smoothed from millenniums of ancient water ways – the paths weren’t narrow though; it didn’t feel half as claustrophobic. There must have been openings they couldn’t see, as the air smelled clean and fresh, and every so often a soft draft would catch them from the depths of the cave. The majority of the time the four remained quiet; and Ralph assured himself that every time one of them shivered it was the cold – and not fear that he was sure all felt. The occasional verbal communication was to check everyone was close; and to agree on which direction to take – it wasn’t hard, Aldric wasn’t trying to cover his tracks. Ralph supposed he didn’t expect to be followed, or he had the confidence to know if he was found he’d just as easily kill those that stumbled on him. But three of them had come across his kind before and lived; the fourth was at least clued up. Ralph Anderson didn’t plan on dying here either. After about half an hour of careful searching they entered a larger cavernous area, much like a room, and all of them froze. To one end was a semi-circular collection of lights; all in the same UV soft white spectrum. Near to those was a heap of blankets, bundled together in organised chaos; but they were within a ring of piled up silt and dirt that covered the floor. Ralph swept his torch but saw no evidence of bones which would suggest food, hunting, more murders – you had said you didn’t need to eat; you could survive on feelings. The Outsider had and you had announced grief as unsustainable… yet Aldric was perhaps different. Able to sustain himself on something else. Aldric also wasn’t ‘a baby…’ Ralph received the feeling that he was being watched all too late, and a cold tremor ran over his body. From one of the darker corners of the room came the sound of shifting rocks, and an animalistic growl. All of them whirled around, torches gathered on two eyes – iridescent silver. “Shit-!” Ralph was the one to voice what they were all feeling as they backed up; all four of them clicked their safety’s off. “This isn’t good right?”  Hayes’ comment was unhelpful, but it was Holly that came back with; “We’ve done this before. We can do it again.” Yune was the only one to glance down; “Uh, guys!” Ralph let the others call attention to whatever he’d found, he was way more concerned with training his gun on this man. Holly and Hayes did, and then gave each other the same look; the prints in the dirt were not feet or shoes, as they had been elsewhere in this cave, but four clawed and elongated. They were in more trouble than they’d realised. As Aldric stepped into the light of both their torches and the semi-circular arrangement, all Ralph could think was someone had smoothed down and elongated the limbs of a blue-grey crocodile. In this form he stood a little higher off the ground than that – and those razor-sharp teeth and talons told the whole story. He was maybe Ralph-and-a-half should he feel the need to stand on two legs; and it was already apparent by the way Aldric moved across the floor that he was deadly fast. Even though the four of them were getting pushed up into the wall, Ralph kept in front; if Aldric came for them he’d sacrifice himself so they could get a good shot or a head start out of here, whatever it took. Aldric growled again, this time as his mouth opened Ralph noticed those needle like teeth had more than one row and the only thing he could think was ‘this is how I die’. Only Aldric did draw himself up onto two legs; ‘Oh no, this is much worse!’ “Do we think guns will work in here!?” Yune was trying to focus on not making his hands shake. “Hell, maybe we’ll at least bury it under rubble!!” Holly’s voice appeared calmer than Ralph would guess she was. Both of them holding up better than the lawyer, whose face was white and Ralph was thinking Hayes regretted his demands to come along. The shifter wound up, muscles in his back legs poised to spring; Ralph’s finger moved from discipline position to his trigger, swallowing hard. They could get through this, they could… even if only three of them made it out alive. This time the creature roared, echo loud, Hayes took a further step back and connected with sharp rock. Nowhere to go. Aldric sprang. The blur of blue and grey was joined by another call. This one different to the one Aldric was emitting: like no known animal on earth. Blood – or assumedly blood – spattered across the ground as Aldric reeled back from the force of the bulkier shape. Larger, spine far more defined down the slope of its back, and not ending in a tail like Aldric did. It turned, face fairly flat, skull round, just as reptilian with the same ghostly silver, needle teeth jutting out at angles and barely containable. Compared to Aldric this creature was much better proportioned, and the power as it launched itself at him again made Ralph glad that wasn’t what they were facing. Claws ripping through Aldric’s arm once more, before the force of its leap had it skittering off in the direction of the lights. “There’s TWO of them now!?” Hayes had finally found a voice, but Yune was smiling; “Of course there’s two of them!” Ralph didn’t understand why it hadn’t clicked with him before and he turned to Yune almost in shock; “Y/N!?” By the time they all turned back, in place of the creature was something a lot more human; panting, balancing gracefully on one hand as you pushed yourself to standing. Brushing your hair back from your face, eyes still that silver, you dusted yourself off, looking to the darker spot you’d pushed Aldric to. Although no one else in the room had eyes good enough to pierce that darkness, you did, and if he went for them again you would step in. Your wrists still ached, and as you shook them out blood cascaded to the floor; what you really wished you were was self-healing. The human laugh emitted from the dark corner had the group looking from you to him and Aldric stepped out of the shadows. Picture perfect as the day he left; the man on the CCTV Holly had identified. “Y/N… I suppose I should have guessed that.” “I don’t see why. After all, I’d never have guessed you’d be out here murdering humans.” “Don’t you preach to me about their race.” Aldric stretched out, placing a hand over his arm; “Man. That smarts; you’re a little sharper than I remember.” You glared, stalking around him so you ended up in front of your friends. …ex-friends. “Why?” “I got tired of the injustices they get away with, that they’ve always got away with because of us. It was time to stand up.” You planted your feet firmly in front of them, stance strong but wide – showing him you could cover all angles. You weren’t sure you were about to accept that as an excuse; you knew the pain he was talking about and you’d never gone there. Aldric merely scoffed; “Really? You would defend them after what they did to you-!? After what this particular man did to you-?!” You held your nerve, not rising to the bait. Ralph Anderson felt four pairs of eyes on him and at least two of them held a degree of hatred, he shuffled uncomfortably for a second, glad he couldn’t see your face. You opted instead for: “I thought I KNEW you-!!! You’re killing people-!? That makes you no better than the shifter that caused all this-!! For godsake Aldric, we have a child!” You stopped yourself from going any further, eyes pulling from his face momentarily as you frowned; what a human thing to say. Aldric wouldn’t give his angle up, and smirked pointedly: “Oh, we all have our weaknesses, darling.” Your eyes widened, for a second your silver was shot with red at the blind anger that overtook you. You hated him for that, for insinuating that Ralph was yours… the problem was Aldric was right, and he knew it. You were defending the man that had intended to kill you, twice, over the one that had cared for you – maybe even loved you for almost as many years. Ralph would never understand you even if he tried and Aldric was the only one who did… Yet here you were, because you just could not let Detective Anderson go. And you would rather die than lose him. “I want real answers Aldric. Even you must know that there’s only two ways this ends.” “As long as both end with him dead, I’ll take my chances.” Jealousy?! Was that it? After all this time…? Aldric looked like he regretted saying it and cleared his throat, “Don’t you ever get tired, Y/N? Of defending everything they do? It’s not just us, it’s the world, every creature will be driven to extinction by the end of this, just like they tried to do to us. With what consequence? We kill a few of them and we’re the ones that end up hunted to our demise in caves.” “It’s murder.” You knew that feeling, you’d felt it many a time but you had never let it consume you, and Aldric had finally let all his hatred take over. “It’s justice. It’s less than they deserve. And I know you see that.” “If we let you go, you’ll just do it again.” “Well then you have a choice to make, Y/N, because I’ll start with your detective’s friends, just so he can watch, and then I’ll end with him. And if I have to go through you, then I’ll make sure you get to see me kill him. Don’t worry, I’ll go slow – make a spectacle. But really I’d rather you didn’t make me kill a member of my own race.” “Stop it.” “You think I won’t go through with this!?” His talons were already elongating and you swallowed hard – there was no choice, you were standing here because you’d already made it. “Y/N…” Holly tried once, but you shook your head. “Go.” “What?!” “All of you get out of here.” You too entered that between transition: not human, not monster. “Y/N, We’re not leaving you.” Yune didn’t seem like the type to make such a stupid comment, but here he was. “If you don’t leave, you will get caught up in this and you will die. I’m not prepared to take any kind of risk. GO!” Now your voice fluctuated into more of a growl. “As soon as I’m done with you, I’m dragging your detective back here screaming and begging for his life.” Aldric’s eyes were hard. He was glaring through you at Ralph, who was urging the others to leave, and quickly. “You’re not going to fucking touch him.” You heard them shuffle away, catching them in your peripheral, Ralph last. He stilled for a minute and turned back to catch your eye. You gave him five seconds of satisfaction and locked with him – Ralph opened his mouth; you had no idea what to say. If it would even be of consequence, if it would be what you so desperately wanted. Or just good luck, will you be okay, do you want help, do you need this gun? Whatever it was neither of you had time for, and you gave a slight shake of your head. This time his face changed, not stoic, not mad at you, but startlingly apologetic. I’m sorry - two words he’d never got to say, before Ralph backed up, and faded into darkness. You turned back to Aldric, who had been privy to the whole exchange. “Un-fucking-belivable. You still love him.” “You said it yourself, we all have our weaknesses.” You couldn’t deny it. Aldric sneered: “I mean it, when I have you close enough to death to be immobilised, I’ll kill the other three – perhaps even mercifully. Then I will drag his body back in here and it will give me no greater pleasure than to gut him in front of you.” Then he smiled, and it was frightening, wild, one you might expect out of such a killer. “Heck, maybe I’ll even eat this one.” It was the last thing he said before you saw red, and lunged for him. ***

Once outside the group of four weren’t about to admit how in over their heads they were. Scrambling to set up behind cars, weapons trained on the cave entrance. “That was crazy.” Holly was the only one who thought about talking, “You think the one in Tennessee could do that!?” “Maybe…” Yune’s arm twinged at the thought of that particular shootout; “But clearly a lot slower… Ralph!” Detective Anderson by this time was back by his own car; handcuffs in bits, but the blue that covered the floor had him more concerned, and he shifted the dirt around to cover it up. “I’m coming-! Just let me get rid of her DNA…” The other three exchanged looks; now he cares? Or did he always care? Ralph pulled open his trunk and gathered spare guns, before settling with them behind the car. “How long do you think it’ll take?” “We have no way of knowing. They looked so different… But I’m thinking those scratches she gave him were nothing more than grazes. Warnings…” Holly mused, hand over her heart – it was beating far too fast, “It could be a while.” “Maybe we’ll lose both.” Yune’s muse was sad, and he hoped against hope that wouldn’t happen. He still wasn’t prepared to count you amongst them, even when you were one. Hayes’ eyes had hardly left the cave mouth; “Have we considered what happens if the wrong one makes it?” “Give it hell.” Ralph voice nearly shook with anger, and Holly and Yune once again raised eyebrows. Seemed Ralph Anderson wasn’t about to hide his feelings anymore. “…We can’t let it get out of here.” “Especially not if it’s killed her, right?” Yune looked across to him, almost smirking. Ralph didn’t verbally respond, but the nod was enough. It wasn’t long before they were met with a shuffling sound, and the scattering of rocks as they were kicked out of the way by tired feet. “That’s two legs, right?” “With the echo it’s hard to tell.” Holly and Yune listened harder; half minded to throw the safety on. But they both knew that your race could be tricksy; there was no way they could risk that move. “It sounds hurt.” Hayes’ mouth pressed into a thin line, “Let’s just hope we want to help it!” Sure enough eventually it was you that hobbled into view; though in the state you were in it really could have been anyone. Covered in red and blue blood from head to foot you were clutching your right arm, which seemed to be hanging fairly uselessly by your side, and you were certainly limping. Honestly, between the four of them it was hard to tell who was the most overjoyed – despite the initial reaction of horror at your presentation, they were all grateful to see you standing there. The way you felt could not be more different. There wasn’t a part of you that didn’t hurt, physically and emotionally. At this point there probably wasn’t much of you that wasn’t bleeding. And despite the fact that walking back to the entrance all you could think was ‘He had it coming. He brought it upon himself. He’d kill your friends if you’d have let him go. He’d have done WORSE’. You still lamented at having to kill yet another shapeshifter just to protect them. They were good people, and he was a murderer that much was true; but it was affecting you deeply. Aldric and you had created a life together – and your heart was broken. Yet another one of an ancient species struck from existence – maybe you were all too dangerous to be kept alive… Even when you were trying to do good. Your eyes were still shining in silver, but part of that could have been accented by the blur of tears. Ralph Anderson had never felt like a bigger fucking idiot.  For a moment you had never looked more stunning or beautiful, even though you were injured, limping, covered in blood and still seemed like a threat – more than one shifter tell still in play. Therefore Ralph was the first one to move from behind the car, running across the path to you. The movement itself spiked your adrenaline, body throwing you into a defensive stance as he slowed to a stop beside you. Your eyes were hard and cold: somehow you were also scarier than any time he’d previously seen you like this. The power in you to still be standing right now; how many years and lives you’d lived to be here right now, with him. Just human. Flesh and blood and bone and nothing all that special compared to what was in front of him. You’d given him your heart and he’d never really returned it. Ralph got the feeling you’d never wanted it back. You stood for a few seconds, feeling like far longer, staring at each other. It felt like you were between saying something snarky to him, or half expecting him to shoot one of his many you’re not human phrases at you. He wanted to, of course he did, but not for any reason you’d think. Instead neither happened, and Ralph grabbed you, one hand into your hair and one on the small of your back, his lips crashed onto yours. You made one small noise of surprise and complaint, before you pushed through the pain; closing your eyes and letting tears run. Just about able to tangle your left hand in his jacket as he supported your body. The (arguably) best four years of your life flooded your head immediately. It had been so long that his kiss felt foreign, even though it was so familiar. How many times had you relived this… wished for this in your head? Granted, this was never exactly how it happened – but then in your wildest dreams you weren’t sure you’d ever expected it to happen. Ralph didn’t care that there was blood all over you, that all he could taste was metallic, a little too much iron, flavours he’d never tasted in his life – he’d attribute that to your non-human DNA – he needed that kiss. YOU needed that kiss. He loved you. He loved you so much, he always had. It had prevented him from pulling the trigger twice – but it was also why he had so much anger and felt so much heartbreak. Why he was so glad that you were here right now. He broke the kiss slow and delicate, so as not to hurt you anymore, but didn’t exactly pull back; his forehead against yours as you opened your eyes. Ralph was crying, and you knew why, you knew exactly where this was going and you’d let him say what he thought he had to. “I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry… Y/N… I… I don’t know how you’re ever going to forgive me. And Geez, if you never do then I get it. I don’t deserve you to, but I…” he shook his head “I never stopped loving you. I didn’t. I don’t know if I hated you because of that, or… because what I’d caused to happen. I’m not worthy of your forgiveness either, but- I’m sorry… I just… I’m so sorry.” You did pull slightly away from him, eyes returning to a far more natural colour as you studied Ralph hard. There was a lot you had to say; certainly nothing that could be fixed with the words or kisses that spilled from his lips. Ralph Anderson would, in time, earn your trust back. But he’d never lose your love – and he knew that, somewhere in his heart he knew that. You sighed; “Don’t you think it’s a little too late for sorry?” You shook your head, but as you stilled, you smiled: “I forgive you...” “C-Can we go home? C-can we start over?” “Home?” You tilted your head, “You may take me back to Cherokee City. But as for your other request, I’d quite like to pick up where we left off, Ralph Anderson.” “I…I think I can do that.” “Wait- I have a request of my own.” You took those steps back into his body. “Yes?” “Kiss me, again?” You nearly got a laugh out of him, and you would take it, as his arms wound around you again and you felt his lips back on yours. Your relationship would have to heal, but would probably take a little less time to do so than your body would. There would be a lot of learning to be done; but you could both do it. You could both fix your mistakes. There was a light at the end of that tunnel and you could walk through this together. In all your lifetimes, every lover that had come and gone no matter how long or short, you’d known as soon as you met him that there would never be another Ralph Anderson. And you were right. But there was no one else’s hand you would rather be holding down this road. And you couldn’t wait to live the rest of his life with him.

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I know this one is a big one but thank you SO much for reading it!🙊💕 It really does mean the world to me, and if you can give this series some love I’d really appreciate it, I do feel like this is some of my best writing...

You guys are so great! Thank you for sticking with me!

[supersecretsanderssides]

Hello My Old Heart (One-shot)

Ships: Logicality  Summary: What better protection is there than a high tower? Word Count: 4776 Accompanying Song: Hello My Old Heart, The Oh Hellos Warnings: Very brief mention of drugs, some swearing, and Deceit (trying his best to be helpful) AN: Logicality angst! Get your logicality angst here! Happy ending guaranteed! Betaed by @gayatthedancingdragon  AO3

The tower was built up brick by brick, every day growing taller and more secure. It seemed to be far away from everything else, though one need only walk through a little door by the kitchen to get to the hill it sat atop.

It was Logan’s idea.

Which you may find surprising, but when Patton fell to his knees and wept like he’d never wept before, Logan was the only one who could come with anything that even remotely smelled like a solution.

And when Patton screamed and cried that he was done- so unbelievably fed up- with himself and with others and with feelings (oh, how they all grew to loath the word), Logan’s idea didn’t sound as far fetched as it had when he first proposed it.

So Roman built a door and a hill behind it and they started to work.

Brick.

By brick.

By brick.

By brick.

By brick.

By brick.

They built a spiral staircase to the door at the very, very top and once Patton was behind it, they locked it tight.

Logan kept the key on a chain the others didn’t know he wore around his neck.

When they reached the bottom of the staircase, they locked the door there, too and that key joined the first. Finally, they sealed the door by the kitchen and bolted it. This key Logan put in a little key dish on top of the refrigerator.

And that was that.

At first, Logan was firm that no one open any of the doors, but when Virgil came to him in the dead of night a week after the keys were put up to say that Roman’s work was suffering because of the lack of enthusiasm and emotion in the mind space, Logan finally caved. If only a little.

“Why didn’t he come to tell me this himself?”

“He was afraid of sounding too… needy, I guess?” Virgil tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie and shrugged. “Don’t shoot me,” he said. “I’m just the messenger.”

Logan brought it up at breakfast, a cold and quiet affair with lukewarm eggs and burnt bacon, the next morning. Roman spun his spoon around in his cereal mindlessly and shrugged.

“I can’t… I can’t name it exactly, but I… I need his… input, I guess, on what I do. He’s, like, the why behind the what. Does that make sense?”

“I believe so,” Logan said. “However, I must advise against going to see him. I realize that things are and have been different, and they will continue to be, but we need to adapt to this… for lack of a better word- inconvenience in order to protect Patton from harm. I fear that if you visit him, it will endanger both your ability to function without him and his safety.”

“But our work is going to suffer! There’s no- no- no reason behind doing the things we do without him. Surely a short visit won’t do too much harm?”

“It’s kinda like drugs,” Virgil said.

“I beg your pardon? I am not a drug addict.”

“Oh, no,” Logan said, “I see what you mean. Wean ourselves off his presence little by little, rather than just cutting him out completely. I would have likened it to a child being weaned off their parent’s milk, but I suppose the idea was still there with the drug comparison.”

“Thanks…?”

“So, does this mean I can go?” Roman asked hopefully. “I can see him?”

Logan hadn’t planned on letting anyone see Patton. He rationalized that it would be detrimental to let anyone in the mindscape get hung up on their Heart’s absence, but he’d forgotten that the others felt much more than he did. It would be more difficult for them to let this go and as much as it irritated him, Logan found himself granting both Roman and Virgil permission to see Patton once a week. Separately. Never for more than an hour. Never to take anything more that their current project and a small pre-approved gift. No saving hours to add them up.

The two took advantage of their time every week without fail for six weeks.

Logan didn’t take advantage of the hours he didn’t give himself because he didn’t need them. Both he and Patton could complete their primary objectives without each other. He didn’t need Patton to be content and Patton didn’t need him to visit.

He still kept the keys on the chain around his neck that nobody knew about.

Deceit was in his room often for unknown reasons. He made himself very comfortable, lounging on Logan’s bed, reading Logan’s books, and generally disturbing Logan’s stuff. But he wouldn’t leave, so Logan kind of just accepted his presence and ignored it to the best of his ability.

It still bothered him, though.

Deceit visited Patton when he felt like it. Logan didn’t mind because “when he felt like it” tended to end up working out with everybody else’s visiting hour rules. He never took two consecutive weeks and never took a pre-approved gift. Or un-approved gift, for that matter.

Six weeks after the first visit, Logan decided to wean a little bit. Two weeks between visits. One hour. Projects and pre-approved gifts. No consecutive weeks.

Whereas the difference in Roman and Virgil’s behavior was vaguely noticeable before the switch, their attitudes and auras quickly became more melancholy and sad after it.

“No,” Deceit told him one night as Logan faced his computer, tapping away at the keyboard. “They’re more apathetic. You’ve noticed. They care less and less every day.”

Logan couldn’t decide whether or not he was telling the truth.

In the seven weeks that Logan had curled up in his bed at an ungodly hour without Patton telling him to get some rest, he had fallen asleep with his fingers wrapped tightly around the keys at his chest. He had fallen asleep watching the pale blue glow of his alarm clock take a new shape and walk towards him. He had fallen asleep to feeling the imaginary fingers of his air vents pulling at the ends of his hair.

In the seven weeks that the Mind had been without his Heart, Logan did not visit Patton.

He claimed not to miss him and not to need him. I’m sure you no longer wonder why Deceit sat in the periphery of his vision so often.

If you ever found yourself wondering it at all.

As time went on, the permitted visits got fewer and farther between. They were shortened. Forty-five minutes. Thirty. Twenty. Fifteen.

Roman and Virgil stopped coming back from their visits as happy as they once had. And though Logan denied it to himself and the snake camped out in his room, he, in the very back of his mind where the things he didn’t think lived and died, worried that their despondency had something very much to do with a travail of Patton’s.

But speaking of foul, legless creatures, Deceit had, in recent weeks, taken up near permanent residence in Logan’s room, making himself a… mattress? out of pillows and blankets of unknown origin in the corner of Logan’s bedroom by the door. Logan tripped on it every time he walked in.

Mattress wasn’t the right word… Far from it, but for some reason… for some reason Logan couldn’t think of the word he did want to use.

The other two didn’t notice Deceit. Logan supposed that might be part of his natural “charms” and recalled several instances when the stupid hat had been exchanged for a pair of glasses or a crown and cited it as his evidence.

God above, what was that word?

“He’d know it,” Deceit said, calmly picking scales off his hand and dropping them onto Logan’s carpet. “If you ever bothered to go see him, you’d know it, too.” Since moving into Logan’s room, he had become far too at ease with calling out Logan’s every bluff and misstep.

“There is nothing he could or would do to remedy this vernacular situation,” Logan said, shoving a trash bin in Deceit’s direction with his foot. “I do not need to visit him. I don’t need him and he doesn’t need my imposition, anyway.”

Scales continued to fall to the floor, despite the bin half a foot away. “What- exactly- is he doing up there that would be hindered by your ‘imposition’?”

“He’s safer up there without us-”

“You didn’t answer the question. Answer the question.”

“I-”

“Never mind, stop, you’re already wrong.” Deceit sat up straight and fixed Logan with a hard look. “He’s not doing anything. You��re running around with keys hanging around your neck, saying you’re doing all of this to protect him. And you’re lying.”

“How… How did you know about…?”

“The keys? Logic, I’ve been with you every waking hour since you locked him up, whether you realized it or not. It wasn’t hard to figure out.” He sat back again, crossing his arms and his legs. “I understand your wanting to protect him- that’s literally my basic purpose, I get it- but this isn’t the way to go about it. He’s wasting away up in that tower and you’re suffering down here. Hell! We’re all suffering down here!”

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Logan snapped. “I don’t have to listen to you. You’re Deceit. You’re lies. You don’t know anything about- about why he’s there or how he agreed to all of this or how well we’re doing without him or why I need him away somewhere safe where he can’t get hurt because I-” Logan slammed his mouth shut and glared at the floor.

The most emotion he’d felt in months welled up in his throat.

“And then there was the crux of the issue,” Deceit said simply, returning to his molting. “Believe me, don’t believe me. See if I care. But let me ask you this. Why do you think I set up camp here? I trust you’re smart enough to know what the truth is. Aren’t you, Logic?”

Logan didn’t respond.

Logan didn’t think.

Logan barely let himself breathe.

“Yes,” Deceit said finally. “I think you are.”

And then he disappeared, leaving Logan alone with the thoughts he wasn’t thinking and the emotions he wasn’t feeling and breath he wasn’t breathing.

The crux of the issue? He asked himself. Yes, he knew exactly what the crux of the issue was. Why here? Yes, he knew that, too. In his heart, he knew everything. Everything he needed to know. Too bad his heart was locked away.

He wrapped his fingers around the keys, trying to feel for the little bit of comfortable familiarity he was trying not to let himself miss. A wave of emotion hit him full force in the hand and dragged through his body, bringing him to his knees and bringing him to tears before disappearing completely.

Logan, in his locked away heart, knew what that meant.

Fortunately, it seemed his mind was finally starting to understand it, too.

He could only hope it wasn’t too late.

He waited until Deceit was sleeping in his- what was the goddamn word?- bed-thing, before creeping out of his room and tip-toeing to Virgil’s.

“Logan? What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you. Is now a bad time?”

“I- I mean, no-”

“Great.” Logan brushed past him into the room and sat down on the bed.

“Logan, what’s-”

“Virgil, what is your primary purpose? As an entity- a ‘side’?”

“Well, I mean, I’m Anxiety…” Virgil pulled at his hoodie sleeves but Logan noticed, with increasing concern, that it was more out of habit than being truly anxious about something.

“Yes, you are, of course. But what is the primary purpose for the existence of ‘anxiety’?”

“It’s- I’m, like, a protective thing, I guess?”

Logan sat on his hands, tensely waiting for Virgil to contradict what Deceit had said and what he had meant by it. Hoping- hoping to god above- that Virgil would inadvertently tell him that he hadn’t messed up as badly as he was starting to believe he had. “And what are you protecting? What needs to be protected like this?”

“I don’t- Logan, it’s the middle of the night-”

“Virgil. Please.” Please, please, please, please.

“I- uh- well, I’m… I’m protecting Thomas, I guess? His heart?”

Logan’s entire world shattered. No, no, no, no, no- But! There was still hope. Such a small sliver of hope. Logan clung to it and asked his final question. “And Deceit? What’s his primary purpose here? The same specifics. Please.”

Virgil huffed and put his hands on his hips. “I don’t know. I guess he’s… he’s kind of a protective… thing, too. Protects Thomas. Protectects his heart.”

Logan could’ve wept. He probably should have. And he probably could have. If only there were tears to spare since Patton went away. “What have I done…?” He pulled his hands from under his ass, fell backwards on the bed, and covered his eyes, trying to block it all out. Trying to make everything go away. Trying to fix everything without looking.

“Logan?” Virgil asked. His monotone voice grated on Logan’s ears. Virgil was supposed to care! He was supposed to be worried! Of all the people to worry, it was supposed to be Virgil! “Logan? What’s going on?”

He sat straight up. “I need to fix this.”

“Wha-? Fix what?”

He fell to his feet and rushed the door. “Thank you, Virgil, this has been most helpful. Goodnight.”

“Logan, where are you-?”

He pushed open the door and pulled the keys off of his chest. “I’m going to fix this.” He slammed Virgil’s door closed and sprinted to the kitchen, fumbling with his keys all the while.

If Deceit was telling the truth about his purpose, he was telling the truth about the crux of the issue and why he chose Logan and that meant the little bit of Logan’s mind that had been yelling at him this whole time should have been given a megaphone a hell of a lot sooner.

He needed to fix this.

He thought he heard Deceit chuckle as he blew through the door by the kitchen, stopping only to snatch the keys from their bowl on top of the refrigerator.

He raced his thoughts up the hill and collapsed against the cold, unfeeling wooden door at the bottom of the tower.

Logan might have then understood the idea of “do or die.”

He took the stairs three at a time and when he crashed through the door at the top of the stairs, he found Patton at the little window, staring out at the nothingness beyond the tower.

Logan dropped his keys to the ground and tried to remember how to breathe, panic and exhaustion welling up in his throat. Patton turned at the sound and Logan pitched forward, pulling his Heart into a tight and awkward hug.

It was like hugging an old marble statue, cold and hard and decidedly not Patton. He pulled away, frightened.

“Logan,” Patton said in a horribly detached way, blinking slowly. “Hello.”

“Patton, I- Well, I-“

“You haven’t come to visit me in… in forever. Why?”

“Patton, I’ll explain later, please just-“

Patton turned away slowly, pacing the room. “At first, I missed you. I missed you more than Roman and Virgil and Dorian all combined.” He looked up and smiled and empty smile. “Silly, isn’t it?”

“No, I missed-“

“But then I remembered the lesson I was supposed to be learning here. The lesson you wanted to teach me. Don’t feel, just be. So I stopped missing you. When the others came, I stopped asking about you and if you were coming. I stopped caring if you were going to come back at all. In my mind, I practically killed you.”

Logan’s tie was too tight around his neck, and the air in this top tower room was hot and stifling. It took shape and closed around his mouth and nose, suffocating him slowly, slowly, slowly.

“Patton-”

“So, now I don’t care that you’re here,” Patton said simply. He sounded as close to proud as his dead tone would allow. He stopped and looked out the window, vacant and empty. “I think I’ve learned my lesson. If you can come up here and if I can not care, then I must’ve learned my lesson.”

Through the choking air and sickening fear, Logan wondered why he was more important to forget.

“Why did you come, Logan?”

“I- I came to… to take you home. You don’t belong here. We’re done with this place.”

Patton tipped his head. “Because I learned my lesson?”

“No-”

“Because, while I agree that it has been learned, I don’t think I’m ready to go back.”

“No- What?” He would have thought Patton would want to come home. “Why?”

“Because there are still… incidents.

“Incidents?”

“Incidents of... emotion.”

It was said like a curse. Like a sick thing. Like a taboo. Like the unfortunate excrement on the sole of your shoe. Like the crusted bugs on an old windshield. Like the way Logan had once said it.

Emotion.

Logan was going to be sick.

“We- we need that, Patton. We need your emotions back. Desperately.”

“You most certainly do not.”

“What? Of course we do! We need you back because Roman and Virgil are grey and Deceit’s been- been- been molting all over my bedroom and nobody smiles anymore and the flowers on the kitchen table up and died! We need you back.”

“Flowers die, Logan,” Patton bit. And if Logan hadn’t flinched so hard he might have heard the anger. “Do you know who taught me that? You did. So, you, of all people, should understand why I cannot come back.”

“Flowers die, but beauty doesn’t have to!” Logan all but screamed. “You know who taught me that? You! You!”

“And you know what you taught me? Feeling makes us weak! Feeling makes us fragile!”

“No! No, you’re wrong! I was wrong! Feeling makes us! That’s it! To feel is to be and to be is to feel! You know who taught me that, Patton? You! You did! And you were right! We all feel and we all need to feel. I see that now.”

“Why? Why are you so insistent on being right? Please, god, just tell me why you can’t let me be like this!”

“Why? Why?! Because this isn’t the way you are! Because I fed you misinformation and mistruths and I need to tell you the right things! Because I did all the wrong things and I’m trying to make it right! Because I love you. And that’s the crux of the issue, Patton: I love you. And keeping you safe is my number one priority, despite doing so going against my every protocol.

“But I don’t love this you. This isn’t you. You are kind and compassionate and you care so deeply about everyone and everything and you make me deny logic- myself- in pursuit of making you smile! A mind is nothing without its heart. Why, Patton? Because I need you. The real you. The you I love. Please. Please, come back to me.”

Patton’s face broke in half, ten thousand different emotions filling his eyes in rapid succession. They leaked out as shining tears and slipped down Patton’s cheek. “You do?” His smile was wide and hopeful and just a little bit sad.

Logan took a hard step back and stared at the ground with his knuckles between his teeth. “Yes,” he said finally, his voice slow and broken and unbelievably sad.

Patton took three small steps forward and laid a gentle hand to Logan’s cheek, letting it fall down to catch on bruised and bitten knuckles. He dragged each finger slowly away from Logan’s frightened mouth.

Logan took another firm step backwards, breaking away from his heart’s touch.

“Logan?” Patton asked, all innocence and care again. Logan was briefly curious about what made Patton’s transition back into emotion so quick. “What’s wrong...?”

“Patton- I... I can’t.”

“But... But you said you loved me? I don’t... I don’t understand. If you love me and... and I love you in return...”

Logan’s throat constricted. “You shouldn’t.”

“Pardon?”

“Love me. You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t love me.”

“But if you love me, don’t you want-“

“I love you, Patton,” Logan said with authoritative finality. “More than anything, I love you. But loving someone and deserving them are two very different concepts to reconcile. I love you, Patton. But deserve you, I do not.”

His bright freckled nose twitched with thinly veiled anger. “And why not?” He asked. “Why the hell not?”

“Because I have been unbelievably cruel to you. I have mislead you and belittled you and hurt you in every way imaginable. And I don’t know if I could stop. I would keep misleading and belittling and hurting. I could never make you as happy as you ought to be. Because loving me is the worst decision you could possibly make.”

“Whoever said I made good decisions?”

“Patton-”

“Logan, sweet Maria! Please, shut your trap! I’m the heart- making good decisions isn’t what I’m supposed to do. I’m supposed to feel- you’ve been telling me so for the past ten minutes! Do you know what I feel?”

“Patton,” Logan tried weakly.

“Be quiet, that was a rhetorical question!” He pressed his hands together behind his back, rocked back and forth on his toes, and looked out the window. “I feel love,” he said simply. “I feel so much love that sometimes, it hurts real bad.” He laughed quietly. “I guess that’s why we’re here, huh?

“But the love… it’s worth all the pain that might come with it. If nothing else, I think we can say we learned that today. I did, anyway.” He turned back, took Logan’s hand, and guided him to the window. The hill beneath them, which had been baren and grey, had begun to spring up flowers of every color imaginable. The moon and the stars had broken free of the cloudy sky and red rays of the new morning’s sunlight were creeping over the horizon.

It took Logan’s breath away.

“Sure,” Patton said. “A lot of things in life hurt, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it? Nobody can be happy all the time. And if you were, the whole… roller coaster of life would just plateau and you wouldn’t even know you were happy. Get it?”

“I think…” Logan squeezed Patton’s hand gently, nervous somehow. “I… I still do not deserve you Patton. You haven’t… proven me wrong.”

“Yes I did.”

“I don’t-”

“Logan, just be quiet, okay, honeybee?”

“Right…”

“I did prove you wrong. Life and love are a lot alike. Nothing is perfect or even good all the time, but it’s okay because you work through it as best you can. Because it’s worth it. For life, you get to see this-” he gestured out the little window as the sun truly broke over the horizon, covering the hill in light and warmth. “And for love… for love, you get someone to hold your hand through anything, take your side on anything, and stay by you no matter what.”

He tore his eyes away from the sunrise and Logan looked at Patton. Really looked at him. Looked at how the light caught in his eyes and set them aflame. Looked at how his freckles fell in the patterns of constellations like Circinus. Looked at how his wild curls

“Do you know why I missed you the most?” Patton asked, still staring out at the sunrise. “Why I was nearly glad you didn’t come to visit?”

Logan did not know. He wasn’t sure he wanted to anymore.

“Because you’re the one who makes me feel the most. I love the others, of course I do. But you make me feel… so much. And it’s not always happy, but anger and sadness and every other emotion you could think of are all part of love.” He finally looked away from the sunrise, holding Logan’s hand tightly as the bright sunshine made them nothing but silhouettes against the orange sky. “I love you, Logan. Differently than I do the others. I love you. And maybe you think you don’t deserve me- and maybe you don’t. But I want you. And everything that comes with you. Do you want me?”

Logan stared.

His face was hot, his head was fuzzy, his hands were clammy, and his knees were weak.

“I want… Patton, I want to hold your hand through anything, take your side on anything, and stay by you no matter what. I want to learn to deserve you, because I don’t. Not right now. Maybe not ever. But I want to try. And I want you. More than anything.”

Patton’s smile was soft and knowing and warm as he held their hands up between their chests. “You’ve always been a quick learner, honeybee.”

And then Logan stopped thinking and, acting purley on impulse, put his free hand to Patton’s splatter-painted cheek and kissed him.

The ground shook beneath the tower and stones began to fall away. They crashed to the ground and crumbled to dust. The petals of each and every flower turned aerial and the little plants soared away like multi-colored helicopters into the sky. The sun grew brighter and brighter on the horizon, its light blinding and white.

Logan and Patton didn’t notice any of this. They were too wrapped up in each other and the way this new thing between them to even begin to care about the world around them as it crumbled. It was only them. Just them. And that was all it needed to be. Everything Logan needed, Patton could provide. Everything Patton wanted, Logan would give.

Emotions rolled through both of them as they returned to Patton with such an intensity that Logan nearly cried. So many different kinds of pain, joy, sadness, and love shot through him all at once, but Logan held on tight to Patton. They had promised it to each other- neither of them had to go through anything alone. They remembered together the smell of chocolate chip cookies, the heartbreak of failure, the warmth of movie nights, the joy of togetherness, the pain of loss, and finally that the word Logan had been looking for all this time was pillow-nest.

When they broke apart from each other, they were in the kitchen. Every emotion and memory they had experienced stained their cheeks and dripped off their noses, but they were both grinning like fools. Logan dragged his hands through Patton’s hair because he could and was rewarded with a smile and a small purring sound that he immediately fell in love with. It sounded awkward against the harsh silence of the kitchen, but that didn’t seem to matter much.

Logan was so happy, he could barely breathe.

He pulled Patton tight against his chest and held him there, trying to memorize the feeling of the moment. Everything, from the humming of the refrigerator to the way Patton curled his fingers into Logan’s shirt, was important to remember.

“Thank you,” Patton said suddenly to Logan’s collar bone.

“What for?” Logan asked.

Patton buried himself further into the hug with a sleepy sigh. “You saved me, Lo-lo. Thank you.” He looked up with tired eyes and smiled.

Logan smiled back, then scooped him up into his arms before walking out of the kitchen. “Come on, beautiful. You need to sleep.”

Patton giggled into his shoulder. “You think I’m beautiful?” He asked.

“No,” Logan said, opening the door to Patton’s bedroom. “I know you are.”

Patton hummed happily and Logan leaned over to lay him on the bed’s soft blankets. He readjusted the pillows twice before kneeling at the foot of the bed to untie and remove Patton’s shoes. When he looked up again, Patton had an adoring look on his face.

“What are you looking at me like that for?”

Patton shook his head and smiled. “No reason.” He held out his hands, motioning for Logan to come closer. “Stay with me, okay?”

There was no way for him to refuse. He took off his own shoes and laid down next to Patton, pressing a few gentle kisses to his neck and putting an arm around his waist. “I love you, my heart.”

Patton curled against him. “I love you, too, honeybee.”

Logan was on the edge of sleep when Patton spoke again. “Logan?”

“Hm?”

“You can stop thinking you don’t deserve me now. You deserve the universe.”

[harrymoots]

Unexpected.

The soft hum and vibrations of powerfully evocative lyrics and drums crept through the pale sarcoline wall behind him. That is what pulls him out of his intense strenuous song writing. For the third consecutive time this week he listens as his next door neighbor plays this melodic tune.

Shoving his red cased mini ipad aside on the couch, Harry reaches for his phone in front of him that lays upon his living room centered table. Unlocking the device, the app ‘Shazam’ was already displayed across his screen.

Harry was anxiously prepared for this moment, as dramatic as it sounds. He had this song infused in his mind since Sunday night and it’s been eating away at him to know who’s angelic voice seeps through his neighbors speakers on this unwelcoming cold Tuesday evening. Thumbing at his screen, Harry listens as the tune continues to roam through his living room and awaits as the app tries to obtain the noise as well.

Not being close enough to the sound, the irritated musician groans at the app. Pushing up from the couch below, he stands and walks around to the side of the couch to press his phone against the wall to get a better listen for his phone. Again. Not close enough.

“It’s not even that far.”, he mumbles to himself as he raises his devices higher over his head in hopes to make it hear the song better. “Maybe if I just...” Again. Not close enough.

Still reaching, on the very top of his sock covered toes, he chuckles to himself. If anyone were to see him at this very moment, body pressed against his living room wall right hand straight in the air trying to get a listen of a song he couldn’t get his mind off of, they would think he was crazy.

Harry starts to grow a little disappointed as the song continues to play, closely coming to an end, and soon enough the song altogether comes to an abrupt stop, leaving him in an echoed silence. Standing there frozen, still facing the wall, he groans for the second time this evening. Without thinking he bangs his head against the wall out of frustration causing a loud thud to consume the silence surrounding him. He just really wanted to find out what the name of that stupidly good song was so he can live in peace god damnit!

With sluggish shoulders and a heavy sigh, he made his four step journey back to the couch, throwing himself face down face pressed against the cushions. A few moments pass before an imaginary light bulb suddenly appears above him. Why hadn’t he thought of just knocking on his neighbors door himself and asking them what the title of his new favorite song was? Harry thought he was very good with people. Especially when it came to first impressions, he likes to think he can charm the people he meets with his wholesome kindness and piercing green eyes. His hopes in charming his way into letting his unknown neighbor gift him with the beautiful melody becoming his main goal tonight.

Jumping off the couch, determination written all across his face and ready to acquire his distractive treasure, Harry makes his way towards the door. Strong thuds sound as he starts his way down the mint condition bright hallway, with only just a good fifteen feet between his comfy abode and his destination.

Moving into his basement apartment, located in Douglas County, Colorado, was easily the best decision he’s made in a very long time. Peace and quiet was something Harry always considered a top priority. It’s where he works his best, but sometimes he likes to admit it’s only because of the Tasty House down the road from him.

Harry takes his final steps that leads him to stand in front of a crimson red door, decorated with a beautiful and rather sparkly christmas wreath. The sight brought a small smile to form on his face, already known to the fact that this person has been infected with the christmas spirit and joy that it brings. Lifting his arm to begin his admission, Harry clears his throat in preparation to speak in case his sixteen year old voice wants to make an appearance again.

After a few seconds of silence a voice, of a female he thinks, calls out from somewhere deep within the strangers home.

“Come in!”

Eyebrows drawing inwards, Harry crosses his arms in front of his chest and continues to stare at the door.

‘Is this person crazy? Come in? Why would this person just yell ‘come in’ at anyone that knocks?’, he thinks.

He won’t just walk into a persons home without a proper entrance and greeting, so Harry remains stubbornly standing in the same spot.

“I said, come in!”, the voice calls out again a little louder than the first time. Footsteps, he hears, progress louder towards him from the persons apartment and suddenly the door flys open revealing a brunette female, as he was in fact correct. She stands there, bare feet with an apron covering most of the front of her body, underneath that a solid black v neck. As Harry continues to observe the girl standing before him, with no shame whatsoever, he notices her long and toned thighs and calf’s that seem to go on forever but stop just below where her apron also ends and her very short shorts begin.

“Are you just going to stand there and stare?”, now that he could hear her voice more clearly, sounds that could be explained as red velvet cake and cherry blossom trees engulfed his ears all at once. His eyes wondered still, finally moving to her face and his knees nearly buckled at the color of her eyes. Two vibrant bright green eyes that he could have sworn only belonged to him, stared back at him. They were mesmerizing.

“Um, H-Hi..”, encased by her beauty, harry stuttered the words emitted from him. Harry felt as if everything around him seemed to stop and the only thing that was moving was his pounding heart that he was sure the girl in front of him could hear as well. Clearing his throat to speak properly, his raspy voice filled the tense silence. “M-My name is Harry.”

“I know. I’m Stella”, she appointed narrowing her eyes at the breathtaking pop star. Not just a minute ago, minding her own business, she had been waiting for her oven to finish baking the fresh batch of home-made banana bread muffins. Now, she’s standing in front of her neighbor, the Harry Styles. An artist. An icon. A music genius. Stella knew for a good while who accompanied the residence beside hers. She has imagined many times how her first time meeting him would play out, but this caught her off guard. What also caught her off guard were his wandering eyes. He was definitely checking her out. “Eyes up here buddy.”

Harry’s eyes shot up towards her eyes once again, cheeks starting to stain red and grow warm. “No!”, he paused figuring out how he would explain himself checking out his next door neighbor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I mean you’re very pretty, like who wouldn’t- that’s not what i meant. Oh my god!” Harry began to grow nervous under her heavy piercing stare, now avoiding any eye contact to avoid further embarrassment.

Stella giggled at the stumbling mess in front of her and Harry swears he could listen to that sound all damn day. His objective for the night almost entirely leaving his mind, Harry speaks before anything else is said unintentionally. This really shouldn’t be so hard for him.

“I wanted to ask you..”, Harry paused searching his brain for the right words to stay. He didn’t want to tell her he was eavesdropping and come off as some stalking creep. “...but you don’t have to tell me!” harry quickly interjected.

“Ask me...?”, Stella asked after a brief pause of silence.

“The name of that s-song you were playing? I heard it.”, Harry chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “I guess we have really thin walls.... Anyway, I really liked it, but I don’t know who sings it and its been stuck in my head for a while. So I came here to uh-“

“Do you want to come inside?”, the green eyed goddess interrupted him mid ramble, Stella’s question catching both of them off guard. “I mean- Yeah I can show you the song. I have it on still on my phone screen, but I made muffins!”, the eagerness of the last few words drew an amused smile on Harry’s face. “-Or I can just only show you the song. I’m not even sure if you like muffins- banana bread muffins actually. There really good though! Like insanely good.”

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Stella’s cheeks feel warm as she realizes that she as well caught herself rambling nonsense. Did she really just offer Harry Styles muffins? Like he would ever want to eat a strangers baked goods.

Harry’s face lit up at the mention of her making muffins, now noticing the whiff of banana and a hint of some type of nut coming from her home behind her. “I would love to! Have a muffin, of course if you don’t mind.”

Both adults mindlessly forgetting the fact that he only really came here to ask for the name of a song, Stella shuffled a few steps aside to let Harry in. Since they do live in apartments, the design of her place matched Harrys identically, apart from the furniture creating a different vibe. Her home felt very welcoming and also very warm. In Harry’s living room you could probably eat a frozen popsicle and not have it melt, but he likes it that way. Shutting the door behind them, Stella led them towards her kitchen, passing by her living room and catching a glance at the heavy duty looking stereo set up. ‘That’s were the music came from.’, Harry thought.

As if she read his mind, Stella commented, “That stereo you see there? That’s how you heard the music. It gets pretty fucking loud when you want it to.” The way the profanity dropped from her plushy heart shaped lips made him start to sweat. How can one swear and make it seem so hot?

As they settled in the kitchen, both of them on either side of her kitchen island facing each other, Harry inadvertently begin to stare at the beautiful woman in front of him again. He could examine her better in this lighting. Now noticing the two medium space buns on top of her head, how could anyone look cuter? “Would you like anything to drink?” Yeah, you.

Harry eyes focused on nowhere but her rosy full lips as she spoke her harmless words, but the thoughts clouding his mind were not so innocent if she could ever hear them. “Some water would be nice, thank you.” Harry’s throat suddenly becoming drier than ever before while Stella turns around to begin preparing him the glass of water.

Watching her every move, Harry pondered. From a different point of view, someone would think that these two people were absolutely crazy. Why would a girl invite some random boy into her home for muffins? And why would some random boy walk into a girls home without knowing her upbringings. Although she did claim to know who he is, Harry thought it was a bit strange that she was quick to invite him into her home. Then again, he did agree without hesitation.

Setting the glass of ice cold water in front of him, Stella watched as he lifted the glass to his mouth and began drinking. It was her turn to observe the man sitting in front of her. He had on a grey oversized hoodie that matched along with his grey sweat shorts. Stella couldn’t remember if he had any shoes on when she invited him in. Harry Styles looked so much more beautiful in person. No argument necessary. He just radiates this natural aroma of wonderful that she can’t explain and right now she feels as if this is definitely all a dream and she’ll wake up in about five seconds.

“Do you live here alone?”, Harry wanted to start a conversation and he thought that was an appropriate question to ask.

“Yes, I do. I like living alone...”, pausing for a second to think, she continues. “I like having my peace and quiet when i’m home.” Well would you look at that? Harry was staring to like this girl the more she opened her mouth and moved her lips.

Especially when she moved her lips.

“Do you live alone?”, Stella asked backfiring his question, a small smile forming on her lips.

It took a moment for him to speak his answer. “I do actually. Love my alone time as well.”, he grinned.

As their conversation sustained, Harry progressively came to know the most eccentric facts about the brunette beauty. Like how every morning when she wakes up she has to scissor her fingers together so she doesn’t fall back to sleep. She also has a German Shepard, Daisy, named after the time when Stella found her in a ditch and proceeded to vomit daisy’s on Stella’s shirt. And she only wears black ankle length socks. Don’t even ask how those topics came about.

“-and so I had to put black tape to cover them up and let me tell how much of a nightmare it was to take them-“, as Harry was in the middle of telling a story about the time he dressed up as Miley Cyrus for halloween, Stella cut him off remembering exactly what he came here for before indulging in each others life stories.

“Unravel me.”

Harry chocked on a ball of air that he magically swallowed. “What?”

“I said-“

“I know what you said.” Did she want Harry to have sex with her? “What do you mean unravel you? I’m not sure-“

“That’s the name of the song, Harry!”, his name rolling off of her tongue was now his favorite sound ever. “The song you heard me playing on my speakers earlier. We totally forgot about that.”, she laughed. Of course, that’s what she meant. Did he actually think she would want to sleep with him? He had to get his mind out of the gutter.

“Oh! Yeah, thank you for that, I uh.... yeah I forgot- we forgot.”

“The artist..”, Stella continues. “Her name is Sabrina Claudio, she’s amazing! Her voice is so soothing and soft, I sometimes put her music on just to fall asleep.... Now that I say that out loud, it sounds a little strange-“

Harry wishes he could sit with her longer and hear Stella ramble on and on about the music and artists she loves out of her pretty rosy lips, but a sudden loud popping sound goes off behind her startling the both of them. Stella whips around and all too fast the oven that had been baking the homemade muffins start spewing out colossal balls of black thick smoke, causing the smoke alarm to sound loudly. Giant flames now growing where the muffins on the tray used to lay.

“MY MUFFINS!”, Stella runs towards the direction of her cabinets but a strong arm reaches and wraps around her hips. Hoisted up into the air by no other than Harry Styles himself, Stella screeches in surprise. “Harry?! What are you doing?! Let me down!”

“We have to run! There’s a fire Stella!” Harry almost manages to run out of the room completely caring the girl in his arms, but she somehow slithers her way out of his grip. Running back towards her kitchen cabinets, Stella pulls out a fire extinguisher from under the sink and begins to spray the giant flames. Harry stands there flabbergasted, staring as Stella puts out the last bit of fire in the sweltering oven. Quickly reaching to switch it off carefully not tying to burn herself, she sets down the fire extinguisher and rushes over to Harry.

“Are you okay?”, she places a hand on his shoulder, searching his face for any signs of sudden maim. Harry looks at the girl as if she grew a second head. What does she mean ‘is he okay?’ He should be the one asking her that question.

“You just played superhero and took down a huge fire! Your asking if i’m okay?”, he accused, voice slightly a little loud. “Who even are you?”

Stella laughed at that question. Suddenly aware of the thick smoke lingering close to the ceiling, she quickly moves around the kitchen opening windows. “I should try and get rid of all this smoke before it stains my walls!”

“Let me help you.”

Both bodies shuffled around the apartment opening all the windows they spotted, when all of a sudden there’s a strong pounding on the door that rattled the knob and soon after another pounding that sounds across the hall. “EVERYONE PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY! THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS ON THE WAY! EVERYONE PLEASE EVACUATE NOW!”

Stella and Harry both turn to look at each other from across the living room. “Is that Micheal?”, Harry asks.

“That’s Micheal.”, Stella confirms easily picturing their landlord screaming like a banshee as he always does.

Making her way towards the door, harry following closely behind, a frown formed on her face and she walked with her shoulders sluggish. Harry took notice and didn’t hesitate to place a hand on her shoulder making her turn towards him. “What’s wrong?”

Stella took in a deep sigh before she spoke. “I was really looking forward to having you try my muffins.”, she admitted with an adorable pout. Harry pushed the dirty end of that sentence to the back of his mind to generate a response for her. “Well, i’m sure those muffins would have been amazing. But look at the bright side, you stopped the fire before it could have gotten any bigger and saved a whole building from burning down.” Harry said the next statement as he looked in her eyes. “My true Super Woman.”

Stella’s eyes widened as she took his words in, while a wave of heat flashed her cheeks. “Oh, stop it.”, she looked down bashfully, causing harry to smirk widely. They made their way down the hallway towards the staircase, finally ending up in the freezing cold thirty feet away from the building alongside the buildings exhausted inhabitants.

The blaring fire trucks propelled up the road, soon stopping in front of the brick building. Everyone watched as the fire fighters one by one piled out of red trucks and began to toil away. One fire fighter in particular grabbed Stella’s attention, speaking out into the air particularly to no one. “Anyone smell banana muffins, or is it just me?”

Harry and Stella found each other’s eyes once again, trying to suppress each others laughter, as some of the other neighbors looked at them suspiciously.

Even though the night did end up a disaster in some aspects, Harry thought contently as it didn’t matter because he ultimately found out the name of the beautiful song from his beautiful next door neighbor.

~

-My first piece of writing! Ever! Let me know what you think.

[thedevilinherself]

In Another Life Ch.3 Just A Dance

Ch.1 / Ch.2 / Ch.3 / Ch.4

Glasses clank as the boys cheered, jovial in the aftermath of their mission. It had been a guaranteed success. But to hear them talk, one would think it a harrowing close call. Most of the men in the bar were Blackwatch. A surprise for a Thursday, but the bartenders welcomed the increased business, and tips.

You had the day off. Something that Gabe was thankful for. Though a part of him still wanted to see you, he knew it was best if he kept his distance. He needed to get over these feelings fast. Nothing good could come from them. Despite this, his mind kept wandering back to you. Your energy as you weaved between tables, your smile as you chatted with customers, the view as you leaned over the bar to clean up a spill. Even now, Gabe found himself glancing towards the back door, as if expecting you to walk through any moment.

His eyes returned to the cowboy as the boy lets out a boisterous laugh. Surely from some crude joke that only he found amusing. Despite it, the commander gave an amused smile, humoring the boy as he grinned brightly. Jesse seemed greatly pleased with himself, leaning back in his stool. Gabe could almost see the boy’s ego growing.

“Wooo! Yeah! Looking good, hot stuff.” The men were pulled from their moment as some of their comrades began to shout excitedly.

“Damn! Why don’t you dress like that for us?” Looking in the direction they were calling, both Gabe and Jesse were surprised at the sight of you.

The boys could never say you looked bad, but to see you now, everything you wore before seemed subdued. Your legs glistened in the dim light of the bar, steps agile in your tennis shoes as you almost danced your way through the bar. Your short shorts hugged your hips so perfectly, occasionally flashing a peek at your cheeks, leaving the boys hungry for more. Your lace crop top bordered on lingerie, hugging you tight and pushing your breast together as the laced up front was cinched tight.

Gabe couldn’t help but stare, slack jawed, cheeks warm with blood as he memorized the sight of you. The soft glow of your flesh, the way you moved, he wanted to spend an eternity exploring your body. He could see it so clearly, those silky legs wrapped around his hips, breast bouncing with every thrust, skin glistening in sweat. What sweet noises would you make? Would you be timid and shy, or eager to participate? In that moment, he would give anything to have you in his arms, even if just for one night. Gabe’s fantasy was interrupted as one of his soldiers smacked his arm.

“Damn, Chief. Don’t get girls like that on the base. Maybe we should recruit her.” The man’s chuckle was squelched as Gabe gave him a particularly hard pat on the back.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend.” Something in the way the lights reflected in the commander’s eyes was warning enough for the soldier to turn around, heart pounding as he fixed his attention on his drink.

You quickly made your way to the back door, ignoring the cat calling and compliments your many regulars tossed your way. You didn’t mind them, understanding most of them to be playful and friendly in nature. But you didn’t want to linger. On your day off, the last place you wanted to be was work. But you had business here you had to attend to before your consecutive days off could begin.

You gave a brief greeting to your coworker, exchanging a few words before disappearing into the back to talk with your boss. Gabe was grateful for the last glance at your rear he was spared before you disappeared from sight, leaving him longing for more. You were poetry in motion, a beautiful spring morning made in womanly form, the song his heart yearned to hear.

“Y’should call her over. Buy her a drink.” Jesse suggested, optimistic that his commander might act on his feelings today.

“Why would I do that?” Gabe muttered dismissively as he became all too aware of his surroundings, and the half hard state of his cock. Glaring irately, Jesse sat up straight, obstinately waving you down as you reemerged from the back.

“Well if you won’t, maybe I will.” Gabe sputtered, yanking on the cowboy’s arm in an attempt to stop him.

“Jesse! I swear-“ But it was too late.

As you walked over, you were startled at the look Gabe gave you, as if he wanted you gone. He was clearly annoyed, maybe even angry. You had to wonder, had you done something to upset him. You hadn’t even talked to him.

Shocked, you wondered if you should just leave. If Gabe wanted you to stay away, you didn’t want to bother him. He already thought you were annoying as it was. But you were already halfway there. And with Jesse vigorously waving, you couldn’t back out now. As you neared, Gabe seemed to settle down, turning back to his drink as if annoyed. Crest fallen, you couldn’t help the self doubt that plagued your mind knowing you had annoyed him.

“Hey there, sugarcube. Just can’t stay away, huh.” Jesse flashed you a charming smile and a wink. It did little to put you at ease, but the friendly gesture was enough to make you feel welcomed, even if only by the cowboy.

“Didn’t want to come in. I switched banks. But my direct deposit isn’t set up yet, so I came in to get my paycheck.” You admitted, shrugging as you ignored all the other blackwatch boys goading you to join them for drinks.

“Well since you’re here, why don’t you get a drink with us.” Despite his casual demeanor, Jesse didn’t miss the way your eyes flashed towards Gabe, pensive and unsure as you studied him. Grinning to himself, the cowboy was unaware of the way his commander’s eyes pierced him, sharp and bitter.

Biting his cheek, Gabe fought back the urge to smack the boy upside the head. But he couldn’t right here. Not in front of you. Heart beating insistently in his chest, the commander had to fight the urge to look at you, to turn around and just savor your closeness. Your perfume flooded his senses, filling his with a nervous eagerness.

This was the last thing he needed. It was hard enough ignoring these feelings, let alone when you were dressed like this. And he really wasn’t in the mood to listen to the other men comment on your body, or watch them undress you with their eyes, even when he wanted to do the same. There was no doubt that he would be smoking them tomorrow.

Sensing that his commander and friend wasn’t going to seize this opportunity, Jesse jumped up, taking your hand as he pulled you along.

“Lets dance.” Before you could protest, you were both on the small dance floor that resided in the corner of the bar.

It didn’t get much use, except for finals week like this, when the local college students went bar hopping to celebrate and occasionally popped into the hole in the wall establishment. There was a small group of youngsters already on the floor. Some dancing in pairs, a few in a group. Mixing in with them, Jesse began to dance, oblivious to his own clumsiness.

“Jesse, I thought I was clear, I’m not interested. Besides, I have friends waiting for me.” Moving to leave, Jesse pulled you back, swinging you around so that his back was to the bar.

“Don’t worry, hun. This isn’t about me.” Giving you a wink, he nodded, indicating for you to dance. You were hesitant, but something in you urged you to play along. Swaying your hips half-heartedly, you raised a brow, waiting for the cowboy to elaborate. “Ya know, my friend over there has quite a thing for ya.” Giving the youth a blank look, it took you a moment to even realize who he was talking about.

“Reyes?” Glancing over his shoulder, you saw the man in question slumped against the bar, arms folded across his chest as he glowered at you. You winced at the fury in his eyes, wishing instead to see the bright smile and twinkling eyes you were so used to. “He’s glaring at me.” Still keeping his back to the man as the two of you danced, Jesse seemed unbothered as he laughed.

“Trust me, it ain’t you he’s glaring at.” The cowboy’s arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you against his chest with little effort as he gave you a charming smile.

Unseen by you, Gabe sat up straight at the sight, fist slamming on the counter to startle the other agents at the bar. Grinding his teeth, murder lingered in the commander’s eyes as he watched the two of you, close and intimate as your bodies moved to the rhythm. Surely, any who saw the two of you would think you were a smart looking couple.

“What are you doing?” Pushing against the youth’s chest, you bit back your disgust at the cowboy’s forwardness, irritated at just how readily he put hands on you.

“Helping you out. What’s he doing now?” Cocky as ever, Jesse raised a brow at you, confident in his plan. Despite your annoyance with the boy, you couldn’t help your curiosity. Glancing over his shoulder as a small sprig of hope bloomed in you that maybe what the boy said was true.

“He’s leaving.” You said flatly, irritated disappointment clear on you face.

“What?” Spinning around, Jesse’s eyes scanned the section of the bar the Blackwatch agents occupied, not finding Reyes until he looked over at the door, just in time to see the man slip out into the night. “That idiot.”

What little interest in dancing you had, vanished. Slouching, your heart sank. You knew your crush on him was already impossible. Wasn’t that enough. He already thought of you as a kid, now he probably thought you were easy too. You just wanted to come in and get your check. Why did it have to end like this.

Feeling a heavy weight in your chest, you turned to leave, not even in the mood to visit your friends anymore.

“Wait! Where are you going now?” Reaching out to you, Jesse was startled when you smacked his hand away, eyes surprisingly apathetic.

“I told you I didn’t want to be here.” Not waiting for his response, you took your leave.

“Jesus Christ. You two are made for each other.” Jesse cursed, teeth clenched as he watched you slip out the door. “Dense fucks.”

[yuliafebry]

I posted 8 times in 2021

8 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.0 posts.

I added 0 tags in 2021

Longest Tag: 0 characters

#

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

you.

it all started when we were in high school. we enrolled to the same school and we both happened to be put in the same class for two consecutive years. you were such a quiet person, didn’t talk much and not stand out, at all, so yeah i thought that’s just how you were.

until one day, we had this group assignment where we should arrange a song and perform it in class. even though a friend who went to the same middle school said you were good, but i didn’t expect you to be that good. and hell, was i blown away by your voice. during that assignment i was able to discover a few fellow that are actually good in singing, but your voice, i swear that was the kind that i actually liked.

seems like i wasn’t the only one who’s being captivated by your voice, a few kids in our class had been gushing around about that as well and we somehow formed a small fan club of yours. that was kinda funny. some might’ve thought it was just a joke or such, but no, in my case i totally admired you. i admired your voice and i claimed myself to be your fan and would always be. you’d just laugh when you heard that then.

we graduated and i still firmly believed that i just admired you. that is, until i was able to have a frequent chat with you. well those were merely light chitchats and nothing deep. but put that and a few gatherings once in a while with the others (we somehow ended up in a merged circle of friends, how funny), i finally realized that i had a crush on you.

we somehow started getting busier, both with study and work, thus the gatherings—even the annual one—had been decreased naturally. over the years, my feelings for you also went vanished, just as naturally.

funny to say that, because even after such a long time, i couldnt lie that i still got that weird tingling feeling if there was even a chance to see you then.

another funny thing is that, just recently, after years of not meeting each other, not even once, we were reunited once again in a circle—but this time it was for some community project. i was recruiting some people to join and you were one of them, you immediately agreed without asking any questions. so i thought, ah you have changed, huh. oh, i was also pretending not knowing that you’d been back in town, asking if you were back to stay for good, since the last time i heard you were still working out of town. and you said yes nicely but i felt that there was no spark no more, not like it used to be.

by that time, i believed that i had nothing left for you. though by the time we were going to meet in person, i would be lying if i said that i didn’t anticipate it even a tad bit. and also a bit of feeling nervous? guess it was because i’d also be meeting up with old friends that i hadn’t met in a long time (plus psh, there was also my used-to be-middle high’s crush there lol). during that meeting, i somewhat realized and thought that, ah... it’s all clear that there was no hope and there wouldn’t be anything else aside from this project matter.

we then somehow started to be mutuals again on the chat app. you started to see my stories again and vice versa. you rarely post something, but when you do, you post song covers. i was kinda surprised that you still do that, but not even gonna complain though.

your voice is still as wonderful as ever, it makes me happy to listen to it.

one late night, a few days ago, when i listened to one of your covers, without even realizing, i replayed it for about 2-3 times. i gotta admit that it’s still one of the voices that i like and will never get tired of listening. i knew it was my stupid impulse acting up at such a wee hour, but i wonder, how nice would it have been to have you sing specifically for me?

0 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 05:23:50 GMT

#4

um

my sister is amazing. i really want to say that im sorry for not being able to be a good older sister for you. im sorry that i cant act like im older than you. its her whos always act maturely and never really complained about issues at home. at times i really wanna hug you but im too embarrassed to do that. please accept my sincerest apologies and thank you for being my sister. i dont think i would be able to go through those all this time without you being there with me. love you sis. i hope you can see this someday.

0 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 12:01:34 GMT

#3

its terrifying. its flaming inside me sometimes and i'm barely able to hide it. i need to erase it and i really need help for it. when i think about this, i think i become so helpless.

0 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 06:50:56 GMT

#2

grudge.

i had so many of it. ive been admitting this for a while now. a few months. idk if this means anything but i think—and also wonder at the same time that self awareness or more like self admitting that youre actually not all good, is something you can be proud of. isnt it? somehow it feels good. i hope this will continually be good.

0 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 14:08:17 GMT

#1

hey.

its been a while. i actually have a bunch to pour up. but its just recently, probably a few days now, ive been having coughs quite severely. this reminds me to the symptom when i was about to be diagnosed having a tb. i dont wanna check it out, somehow im kinda scared when it comes to checking up on my own health. im scared it'd turn out to be true. hehe sorry i've decided i'll share all the bad or deep story of mine here so yeah, i came with another problem.

0 notes • Posted 2021-01-04 00:23:43 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[khh-writings]

Trapped

Who: Boo

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Hii! Happy Christmas/Holidays everyone! I bring you a new Bloo one today because yes, I’m obssesed with this guy here. I don’t know how I came up with this idea, but here it is, some fluffly angsty af scenario. Hope you like it and, as always, sorry for any mistake I made. Love you all <3.

Your phone screen lighted up. You had received a message. It was 4 AM and you were at home. As always, your sleeping habits were strange, and you used to stay awake until really late. You picked your phone distracted, as you kept your eyes on the TV. “Shall we see each other?” That message didn’t surprise you at all. You used to receive the same exact message twice or three nights a week. You honestly didn’t feel to see him that night. However, you simply answered with a “yeah”. 15 minutes later, he knocked on your door. You turned the TV off and opened the door. You saw him right there, with his smile that could melt ice and a smell of smoke and alcohol. He didn’t even say hi. His arms suddenly wrapped you, and almost without noticing when happened, his tongue was playing with yours. Still holding you, he managed to close your door with his leg and guide you to your room. He knew the way perfectly, even without any light. Seconds later, he pushed you softly, and you fell on your bed. "You look really sexy in your pajamas, did you know?" "I know, you say that quite a lot." He wasn’t able to see much of you, a half moon being the only thing illuminating your room… But he knew. He knew everything about your pajamas, your body, your face… He knew exactly what gesture would you do. He knew what to do to make you moan or scream as he pleased and whenever he pleased. You smiled, your mood totally changed.

You opened your eyes, slowly. The sun entered your room, illuminating everything, especially him. Daniel was totally asleep, a peaceful expression on his face. You touched his moon tattoo, half distracted with your thinking. Yes, he knew everything physical about you. However, he didn’t know what were your favourite food, colour or movie. He didn’t care about those things. At first, you didn’t care, either. You both had met at a party. Mkit Rain had had a concert that night in a club, and they were celebrating after it. You had attended the show, as you were a fan of them. However, you could have never imagined what would happen. Almost without realising, you were on your way home, with your rapper crush. You hadn’t expected much… Just one-night stand. You gave him your phone number and it would have ended there… If it wasn’t for that night that you happened to be still awake at almost 5 AM, and he texted you. Then that weird situation started to become a routine. He texting you drunk late at night. You not being able to say no because you are trapped. Him coming. You waking up before him and either going to work or pretending to be asleep when he woke up. You looked at him, confused as always. You didn’t want to be his fuck girl, but somehow you couldn’t say no to him. It was as if he had some kind of aura that attracted you and trapped you, not letting you escape nevermore. He moved slighty. You closed your eyes and turned your back fast. Then you waited, as usual. Soon after that, he woke up. You heard as he got up and got dressed, in complete silence. In a couple of minutes, he would be gone, and you could get back to your normal life. Everything as usual. However, that time something different happened. You heard him approaching your side of the bed. You heard him kneel. You almost got nervous, not knowing was he was going to do, but you managed to control yourself. Then you felt a soft kiss on your forehead. Seconds later you heard your door closing. The smell of smoke stayed there for a bit, reminding you that he wasn’t a dream. That kiss was something new.

3 AM "Shall we see each other?" "Don’t feel like it" "Why?" "Tired. Going to sleep" "Ok" You looked at your phone. You were tired, but mentally. "Sleep well" "Ty" You had come to a really difficult decision. You would never be able to separate from him if you kept seeing him everywhere. You deserved better, no matter how good he made you feel, how his smile made your heart flutter, how he made you react when he touched you. No. You definitely deserved something else. That was why you rejected him the next couple of days. It was really difficult, he had never text you for so many consecutive days. It made you have hopes and you definitely couldn’t. You had stopped listening to his songs, you had unfollowed him on every social media, you deleted some pics of him you had on your phone. You did everything you had to, but block him on kakao. You didn’t know if it was because you didn’t want to totally lose him or because you were expecting his reaction: either start ignoring you or asking for an explanation. And still, when he texted you at 6 PM… It didn’t put your heart at ease, it made you totally angry. "If you don’t want to see me anymore you can just say it" Well, he could text an afternoon to reprimand you for your behaviour but not for a simple "hi" or "let’s have a coffee" like fucking normal people do. "Okay, don’t want to see you anymore" "Why? Don’t feel like it?" "Yeah, don’t feel like it" Idiot. "And there isn’t any good reason? Are u simply tired of how do I fuck?" Ok, that was enough. You exploded. "Yes, I’m tired. I’m tired of being you fuck girl" "You’re not" Oh, really? "Then why do you just call at night, when you are drunk after partying and haven’t got any other girl? You can tell where do I have every mole on my skin and recognise every pajamas I own, but you can’t say my favourite colour, food or movie. Jesus. Would u even remember my name if it wasn’t because you have my contact saved on your phone? Yes. I’m tired."

5 minutes, 10 minutes. No answer.

Really, fucking idiot. "Don’t talk to me anymore, don’t come here ever again." Read. No answer.

You spent the next half an hour crying, sitting on your couch. It was over, it was finally over. You had tell him everything about how you felt, and he hadn’t even answered. He didn’t deserve you. You knew. And still… Why did it feel so empty?

Someone knocked on your door. Your heart started racing as crazy. You didn’t had to open to know who was it, you knew it perfectly. "I told you not to come here ever again. Go away." "Please open the door, let’s talk." "I’m surprised you remembered my address without being drunk, or are you drunk right now?"

Yes, you wanted to hurt him, hurt him as much as you could.

"Your favourite colour/ your favourite movie/ and your favourite food."

"What?" It  couldn’t be. "Those are your favourite colour, movie and food. And I know more about you, open the door, please." "Why should I?" "Please." You gave up. You opened the door and he came in, closing it behind him. You sat on your couch, far from him, not inviting him to do so. "Don’t cry… Please." "Stop asking for things. You have no right." "Y/N please." "Daniel, please." You answered exhausted. He remained silent for a minute, looking at you without tearing his eyes away from you. You didn’t looked at him, but couldn’t help but ask. "How did you know those things?" "Come on, your house, pajamas, clothes… You have a lot of merchan. You are usually watching that movie when I come over and you post on Instagram what you eat almost all the time… "Stalker." You smiled slightly, he also did. "You know? I know more things about you." "Oh, really? Like what?" "Like that I’m the only one who can ease your nightmares at night by hugging you. I know that some days, when I don’t come over, you go to work without even sleeping. I know that you hate crowded places and can’t stand idiots, that ’s why you don’t party that much. I know that you pout when you don’t like nor don’t want something, but you don't even realise… "Okay, now I look that you feel some kind of human appreciation towards me. That makes me feel a lot better." He looked at you, suspicious, but now, you were totally honest. You didn’t need to hide anything anymore. "I’m serious, but this doesn’t change the fact that I’m your fuck girl and I don’t want to be it anymore." "You are not, I told you." "I don’t believe you." "Y/N I don’t text you only when I’m drunk and after partying. And I swear I haven’t touched another girl since I met you." You looked at him. Now it was you who looked at him. You couldn't believe it. Your stupid heart started to beat strongly again. You didn’t say a word. "And you know what?" He continued. He approached you slowly, as if he feared your reaction. But he finally sat by your side. What?" "I know that my heart reacts exactly like yours, that I do know every mole on your body because I love counting them while I touch them and the sun makes your skin shine. I know every piece of clothes you have, not just pajamas because yes, I’m your fucking stalker. And I know I get drunk before coming because if I was sober, I would never dare to come here and stain you with my fucked up life. You were without words. Now the tears ran through your face again. "And fuck it, I know that today I should have let you escape from me, but I’m too selfish to lose you. So… if u still feel something for me, please, don’t lock me away." "Why?" "Because I’m trapped." "So do I."

[stillpartofthisworld]

Blupjeans prompt: playing music together after Story and Song Or if you’d like some angst: Barry with nightmares of Lup being gone again

Look what you made do

up on ao3

Dreams and Reality Should Not Mean The Same Thing

He knows this nightmare far too well.

They’re on one of the Starblaster’s balconies, miles above the world below. It’s a mild day, the sky peppered with white clouds that sail over their heads. A table and two chairs are nailed down into the metal; Merle’s tea table, nailed down by Davenport after several consecutive years of having them fly away during one of his stunts.

The table is covered by a map, sprinkled with slashes and dots. His hands hover over one particular dot and he hears himself state a place near the Felicity Wilds and Taako’s answer. He’s had this nightmare often enough that most words just fade out of focus until-

“What if she’s just gone, Taako?” He says this in an outburst of unexpected hopelessness. They’d both been hopeful during the search, and when they weren’t hopeful they were desperate, and sometimes they couldn’t tell the difference.

He expects Taako to brush him off, faking confidence that they’d find her dead or alive, Barold, because at this point who cares? and they’d go back to doing whatever they were doing at the time. He expects him to get angry, to snap and say something cold before leaving in a huff, only to come back a day later and pretend like nothing had happened. Sorry, I guess, he’d say after a while. But it was your fucking fault.

He expects-he expects-

He doesn’t expect this.

“Who?”

Static begins to fill his ears.

He’s forgetting again, he’s forgetting everyone all over again and he can feel her memories, her laugh her face her name slipping from his mind and he asks something, begs for it and the last thing he remembers is flying over the edge of a ship and looking at an elf he doesn’t recognize and he’s not smiling, he’s screaming at the unfairness of it all as sky blue turns to dirt brown turns to blood red turns to inky black-

He wakes up in a cold sweat. The ceiling above him isn’t the cold metal of the Starblaster nor the rocky stalagmites that peppered Wave Echo cave. It’s drywall. He’s in an apartment.

He’s in their apartment.

He looks to his side and she isn’t there.

A shiver of fear races through his body as he sits up and throws the covers off the bed. The other side is cold and neat, free of any wrinkles that would give away the past presence of another body. He gets up, waving his hand to turn on the lights as he looks around the room.

Her clothes are strewn across the drawers and on the floor. There’s makeup littering a vanity he would have no use for, lipsticks uncapped and left lying on their sides.

He goes to cap them out of habit, lining them just so. He can hear her laugh near his ear, hands tangling in his hair. Aw, Beans, she cooes, watching him work. Such an organized nerd.

He turns to kiss her and she isn’t there.

Another part of their life sinks in. They’d been summoned, few minutes before their shift ended. It was usually nothing, some low-level necromancer with a book too strong for them, or perhaps some wayward worshipper of the Raven Queen. She’d offered to go alone.

“Summoning circles aren’t that big, you know,” She’d teased him, poking his stomach. “I’ll be back before dinner.”

“Stay safe,” he’d told her, kissing her nose.

It was past dinner. And she wasn’t there.

He tries her stone but she doesn’t answer. He phones again and again and again but there’s no connection, his own stone turning red each time. The frequency you’re trying to reach is not an actual stone…

He swears and tries Kravitz’s. A sleepy voice answers at the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Krav?” His voice comes out high pitched and tense and he’d usually take a moment to compose himself but not now, not when there were other things to do. “Is Lup at your place?”

“Lup?” The sleepiness is gone from his boss’s voice and he can hear the shifting of sheets as he gets up. “No, she’s not. Is she not back?” Kravitz is whispering now, pointedly not in the same room he was a few seconds ago. There was no need to scare Taako. Not yet, anyway.

“It’s been hours, Krav,” He’s moved to the living room, looking for any sign that she might have somehow slipped in while he was sleeping, maybe left a note? (back soon) “She hasn’t shown up, this isn’t like her.”

“Have you tried her-”

“Of course I’ve tried it!” He snaps and he can feel a wave of energy lash out of him, tipping a glass laying empty on the table. He pauses and takes a second to calm down, to calm the fuck down you’re helping no one being like this and tries again.

“Her stone isn’t working. I-I think it might be broken.”

The line is silent for a while before Kravitz speaks again. “I’ll check with the Raven Queen. She’d know if Lup-if she-”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Krav.”

“No problem. Listen, do you need me to stay on the line?”

“No, no, I’ll be fine. Just get back to me when you can, alright?”

“I will. Don’t worry so much, I’m sure she’s just lost in the Fantasy Costco or something. She’ll be back after she burns the place down.”

He chuckles weakly at Kravitz’s attempt at lightheartedness and says goodbye before sitting down on the couch. He tries to ignore the anxiety that grips him, turning his stone around and around in his hand.

What if she’s just gone?

His grip tightens around the stone as he tries to clamp down on the fear that threatens to rise up, to take over his thoughts and scramble his magic. She can’t be gone, she’s a lich (that’s what was said last time) she’s strong, she’s a reaper for crying out loud (reapers can be trapped, ask Kravitz) she’s not gone (but what if she is?)

He’s starting to glow red, magical energy pouring off of him in waves. His body feels light, open as if it was a hollow tube he could slip out of at any time. There’s a vague idea at the back of his mind that the Raven Queen would not let this go, that there would be reprimanding in the form of darkness and numbness but he couldn’t care less, so wrapped up in his fear that he barely feels him body fall back onto the sofa, or his soul rising upwards, swathed in magic and love and bone wracking fear-

“Barry?”

He turns (not his body, still gasping and twitching on the couch but his soul itself) to see his wife.

She’s halfway between her skeletal and fleshy form, scythe flickering from her hands as she steps through the rift in the middle of the room. She’s looking at him with an expression he’s seen only a few times, usually when he was about to do something that was bound to get him killed or right before it did. She looks-she looks scared, her face a mirror to what he was feeling at that exact moment. They feared for each other, and that realization is what snaps him back into reality.

“Shit.”

He drops down back into his body, wincing as he feels his internal organs scream back to life. He gasps for air, lungs still expanding and contracting erratically and he feels a hand on his back, whispering softly in his ear as he focuses on breathing in, out, in, out.

It takes him a while to stabilize but he does it. There’s a moment of silence between them, a heartbeat where neither of know what to say before they don’t bother, leaning into each other and holding on for dear life. He buries his face into her chest and cries, heavy, stuttering sobs that shake him but she holds on, running her hands down his back and saying it’s okay, I’m okay, we’re okay, I’m sorry

He pulls away to face her. She looks tired but otherwise alright and he nearly breaks down again in relief before he sees his stone flashing on the floor. He leaves their embrace to pick it up.

“Barry?” Kravitz’s voice fills the room. “I checked with our Queen and Lup is-”

“Fine, Krav, thank you for asking,” Lup says softly. “Sorry to scare you both. The guys calling Reaper Central weren’t exactly…easy to deal with.” He whips around to look at her and she squeezes his hand, flashing a confident grin. “Cha'girl obvs took care of it, no sweat, but I did have to use some…extreme measures? Expect a lot of paperwork tomorrow morning. Speaking of which, I’m not coming in tomorrow and neither is my husband since we are both very, very tired and deserve a break okay? Okay thank you Krav I love you so much tell Koko I said hi.”

She cuts the frequency before he can get another word in and turns to face Barry again, a hand coming up to brush a lock of hair away from his face and cup his cheek. “I’m sorry,” she says again. “The summoners-they broke my stone before I even-”

“I missed you,” he croaks out and brings their lips together. He can taste the salt from his own tears but he doesn’t care. All he can think about is that she’s here, she’s home, she’s safe and that she’s not gone.

[yutasbirthchin]

Mr. Voice.

Group: Monsta X Member: I.M (Changkyun) Word Count: 2864 Genre: Fluff

a/n: I’ve watched the cuts of him MCing Simply Kpop waaaaaaaay too much. He isn’t even my bias. Sorry Kihyun babe.

Your colleagues considered you weird, or even 4D. Had you have been younger, you may have fought against these terms, but now, being a young adult, you embraced it. You accepted that the way you did things weren't always normal, but you carried on doing them, because they made you you.

That's why, when you lay on the floor with your eyes closed in the practice room, half an hour after practice finished, nobody questioned it. Your fellow trainees said their goodbyes as they left, leaving you alone in the room. Business as usual.

The silence was comforting. Your life revolved around music and so moments of silence seemed like the world had been paused. Lying in the silence with your eyes closed every now and then was like an anchor, keeping you stable in your hectic, busy life.

You didn't stir when you heard the door open, leaving your eyes closed and focusing on the noise. You thought it might be one of the other trainees coming back to grab something they forgot or to ask you when you would be back at the dorm. However, you heard footsteps walk in your direction, and stop about a metre away from you. Then some scuffling and a little bump, as though the person has just sat down next to you.

After what must have been at least two minutes, you broke the silence. “안녕하세요?”

“Hello.” The voice replied. It sounded familiar, but you couldn't put a face or name to the voice. Being a trainee meant that you bumped into a lot of people in the hallways and always heard a number of staff talking, there was no way you would be able to pinpoint who it was, especially since you were used to everyone speaking Korean.

“Oh, an English speaker. Hello.”

“Is that a surprise?” He asked.

“Sorta? I guess. I don't think I've ever had a conversation in English with anyone since I joined Starship.”

“Then, surprise.” The voice said awkwardly, but it was cute enough to make you laugh.

You could tell that English was not their first language, as they had a slight accent when they spoke, but that still didn't get you any closer to knowing who it was. “I walk past this room everyday, and you're always lying on the floor with your eyes closed. I thought you were sleeping.”

You shook your head in response. “Floors aren’t comfortable enough to sleep on.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Resting, relaxing. It calms me after a day of practice.”

“Oh, interesting.”

“What do you do to relax?”

“I don't, really.”

“That's not healthy.”

“No it's not, but… I'm always busy.”

“Aren't we all?” You asked, and he hummed in agreement. “But if you're always busy, how are you in here talking to me?”

He chuckled a little before replying. “Well, I have somewhere to be, but I was curious so I came in here.”

“Keep up like that and you'll be dropped before you debut.”

“I'm not worried about that.”

“Ooh, cocky are we?” You teased, making him laugh. You noted that he had a nice laugh, sort of cute, but also a little deep, matching his voice.

He didn’t reply though, and you didn’t know what exactly you should say, so the two of you stayed still, enjoying the silence. You weren’t sure how long it had been, but it had been long enough that you’d forgotten there was someone in the room with you, so when he moved, you almost jumped.

“Hmm. Peaceful.” He said, breaking the silence. “But I’m already late, so I should go.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

You heard him get up. “Bye bye.” He said.

“Seeya round.” You replied as you listened to his footsteps get fainter, and then heard the sound of a door opening and closing.

You weren’t surprised when you heard the door open as you were once again lying on the floor in your practice room. This would be the fourth or fifth time Mr. Voice had come to visit you. That was what you had taken to calling him in your head because you didn’t know his name. You had taken a liking to the mysterious Mr. Voice. Despite not knowing him at all, you could tell that he was odd, funny and cute. It was pretty amazing that you could tell all of this from just his voice, at least that’s what you told yourself. Deep down you knew full well that your imagination could be fooling you. He could be a mean, boring, no-fun guy. Heck, it might not even be a person. It had gotten to the point where you anticipated his arrival, and were a little sad if he didn’t show.  

The two of you engaged in your usual random chit chat for a while until he had to leave. You heard him stand to leave, but then the room fell silent.

“Either you’ve developed the ability to float above the ground and through walls, or you haven’t left yet.”

Mr. Voice chuckled before replying. “Maybe I’m a ninja and I’m so quiet you couldn’t hear me leave.”

“That could be a possibility, except you’re standing here talking to me.”

“Good point…” He hesitated. “What’s your name?” He asked.

You didn’t have a problem with telling him your name, but you asked anyway. “Why?”

“So that I have a name to give my friends when they ask where I keep running off to before practice. They won’t believe me without a name.”

“You tell your friends about me?”

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“Do you know how crazy I’d sound? ‘Hey so after practice sometimes Mr. Voice comes to talk to me.”

“Mr. Voice?” The boy asked with a loud laugh.

“Yeah, because all I know is your voice.”

“You could just open your eyes and you’d have a face too.”

“I could, but that ruins the mystery.”

“Well anyway, what is your name?”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm? Don’t you know your own name?”

“Of course I do, but you don’t. This is my chance to make up a really cool name for you to tell your friends.” He let out a little giggle in response to this, which distracted you from your thoughts and you had to stop yourself from telling him how cute he sounded. “How about ‘Floor Girl’?”

“Creative.”

“Hey, it sorta matches Mr. Voice.”

“Floor Girl and Mr. Voice.” He stated.

“Sounds like some really bad superheros.” You both laughed.

“Well, seeya round, Floor Girl.” He said, imitating your usual goodbye.

“Hey, that’s my line.” You replied as you heard him start to walk towards the door.

Being a foreigner who had moved to Korea for work meant that you rarely got to see your family and old friends, that’s why you were so excited today. You had been given three consecutive days off and because of that your best friend had decided to fly over to see you. You were ecstatic. The two of you had spent the past two days walking around Seoul and catching up, but today you had decided to spend the whole day in her hotel room.

“Okay so you’ve shown me around and all, but now you’ve got to show me some of those hot idols.” Alice said, shamelessly.

“First of all, eww. And second of all, I don’t even know any idols.”

“You don’t have to know them personally, just show me some hot guys.”

“Again, eww. And I don’t know where to start, you’d be better off just watching the TV or something.”

“But I don’t speak Korean.”

“You don’t have to speak any language to see ‘hot guys’” You replied. She rolled her eyes at you, but listened and grabbed the remote anyway, flicking through the channels until she found one showing a live performance of a girl group.

“I don’t understand how you can be training to be an idol but not even know of any idols.”

“Hey, I know the groups and the songs, I just don’t really know any members names or who’s who.”

“What about the groups under your company? Don’t you see them around?”

“Well yeah but I’m just a trainee, I don’t get to talk them.”

“Jeez, Is being an idol even worth it?”

“Yeah, unless you’re only in it for the guys.” You eyed her and she rolled her eyes again.

You and Alice sat on the bed just watching the live performances on the TV. Every now and then she would ask you about various groups or guys, and you would respond with your limited knowledge. Eventually, the programme ended and she started desperately scrolling to find more.

“Ooh, a another guy group!” Alice exclaimed as she found another channel showing live performances, making you roll your eyes. You recognised the group instantly.

“That’s Monsta X, they’re under my company.” You explained, but your words seemed to go in one ear and out the other as your friend was too busy cooing and drooling over the guys.

“They’re so cooooooool.” She squealed as their performance finished.

“Wow, I mean, WOW! Did you see that amazing performance by Monsta X? It was sooo great.” The MC of whatever show was playing said, making you freeze.

The cute, awkward English accent.

You knew that voice.

You knew it well.

You blinked at the brown haired boy sitting there in his blue jumper and white shorts.

An odd feeling washed over you as you realised who it was sitting amongst the fans on the screen. Mr. Voice finally had a face, and a damn good one too.

Alice, seemingly no longer interested due to the lack of live performance turned to look at you and frowned. “Hello? Earth to Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You answered, not taking your eyes off of the guy on the screen.

“Okay so you were making fun of me for wanting to see hot guys but here you are drooling over one.”

“I'm not drooling, it's just, I swear I know him.”

“Who is he?”

“I don't know.”

“That makes no sense, how can you claim to know him if you don't know who he is.”

“His voice, I recognise his voice.”

“You've gone mad.”

Considering that Alice was your best friend, you should really have told her about Mr. Voice and explained the situation, but you didn't. Maybe another time, you thought. For now, you couldn't take your attention off of the awkward and annoyingly cute guy on the screen.

“I.M.” You repeated after him as he signed off of simply kpop. “Monsta X, I.M.” Here you were thinking you were talking to another trainee the whole time but nope, you were talking to an idol. “What are the odds?” You asked aloud.

“You've definitely gone mad.”

Monsta X had been very busy with promotions and so you hadn't expected to see them around the company building often, but you still felt that pang of sadness every time your after practice relaxation time wasn’t interrupted. Sometimes your brain played tricks on you, making you think you heard the door open when in fact no one had come in.

You had also been extremely busy though, with expectations rising monthly it was getting tougher and more stressful. You were stressed, very stressed, the others had noticed it too. They would either constantly try to make sure you're okay, or avoid you as much as possible incase you snapped. You started to wonder whether you had made the right decision.

The floor didn't feel comfortable as you lay in your usual spot after practice. The silence was bugging you. This type of relaxation doesn't work when you're stressed.

Cranking the music up loud enough so you couldn't hear your own thoughts, you started dancing. Dancing was your favourite aspect of being an idol. You were your team's choreographer and main dancer. It was something you enjoyed. The pressure from training had made you forget what you liked about it, and so just being able to let go, leaving your body to move freely as it wished without thinking was refreshing. You kept at it for three hours, eventually having to stop from exhaustion. You sat down against the wall and leant your head back, closing your eyes. The silence seemed more calming now that you'd worked some of the stress out.

“You shouldn't sleep like that, you'll ache all over.” You heard, as a gentle hand shook your shoulder. You groaned and shook the hand off, in protest. Only then did the voice register, making you freeze. “Are you okay?” He asked.

“Either my brain has upgraded to tricking me into thinking someone just touched me, or you just touched me.”

“Your brain's been playing tricks on you?”

“I keep hearing the door open when it doesn't.”

“Did you miss me that much?”

“Shut up.”

“Sure. So umm, why are you here so late?”

“It's not that late.”

“It's 1:38am.”

“What?”

“Yeah. You didn't realise? I walked past here but you were dancing instead of lying on the floor so I just went to practice. But when I walked back past you were sleeping.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Oh.” You said. You hadn't realised the time at all. You didn't even know you had fallen asleep. Silence fell over you two for a few minutes.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you keep your eyes closed when we talk?”

“Because you always talk to me when I'm relaxing.”

“Aren't you curious about what I look like?”

“A little.”

“So selfish.”

“How is that selfish?”

“You always keep your eyes closed because you're relaxing and you're not curious enough to see my face, but that means I can't see your eyes.”

“You want to see my eyes?”

“I'm just curious. You wouldn't really think about it, because usually when you talk to someone you know, they have their eyes open, or at least, you've seen them with their eyes open before.”

“Makes sense I guess.” You said, but you still kept your eyes firmly closed.

“It's almost 2am, I should head back.” Mr. Voice, or I.M as you now know him, said before adding. “You should too.”

You sat up straight and stretched your arms. “I should.” You agreed.

“But you're not moving.” He replied, making you laugh, scrunching up your nose. “Aigoo, so cute.” He cooed, poking your nose.

You don't really know what happened, but it seemed as though your body had moved on a reflex, reaching to pull his arm away, because the next thing you know, your hand was wrapped around his arm which was pulling away from your face, and you were staring straight at him. “Umm, sorry.” You said, letting go of his arm. “Reflex action.”

“That's okay.” He said, the corners of his lips tugging up. Being so close to him you were able to get a good look at his face. You concluded that TV screens didn't do him justice. He was sat in front of you on his knees, leaning forward slightly looking directly into your eyes.

“Woah, so cool. Your eyes are blue, green and brown, all together.”

“It's not that cool.”

“Yeah it is, they're so pretty. They suit you.”

“Thanks.” You said a little awkwardly.

Neither one of your spoke for a while. You were a little frustrated because you couldn’t read the guy sitting in front of you, you had no idea what he was thinking. All you knew was that now you’d opened your eyes, leaving your relaxation state, you had no idea what to do. You were lost.

He sat back, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’m Changkyun.” He said, holding out a hand. “Im Changkyun.”

“Y/N.” You replied, shaking his hand.

“I'm not a trainee by the way.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah. Monsta X I.M.”

“Oh. I didn't think you knew me.”

“I didn't really, I only found out a few weeks ago.” He looked back at you with a questioning look. “My friend flew out to see me and she was watching simply kpop, you were the guest MC.”

“How did you know it was me though? You never looked at me before.”

“I don't know, Mr. Voice, you tell me.”

“Ah. Yeah. That was sort of a dumb question, huh?”

“Yeah.” You nodded.

Changkyun looked at the clock on the wall and stood up. “Come on, you should get back to your dorm.” He offered his hand and you grabbed it, letting him pull you up.

“Thank you.” You said, looking down at his hand on yours, confused as to why he hadn't let go yet.

The idol squeezed your hand, still not letting go. “Let’s go.” He said with a smile as he started to walk towards the door, pulling you along behind him.

“You don't have to walk me all the way to my dorm, Changkyun.”

“It's late, and I'm going to get in trouble for being late back anyway. I may as well make it worth it.”

“Okay but is holding my hand really necessary?”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

Maybe you had made the right decision.

[kingfisherunion]

This world is cold and madness

Chapter 7: dead or alive fight back

Read on Ao3

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)

Relationships:

Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov

Characters:

Katsuki Yuuri

Victor Nikiforov

Yuri Plisetsky

Otabek Altin

Otabek Altin's Sister

Nishigori Yuuko

Yakov Feltsman

Additional Tags:

Car Accidents

Character Death

Married Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov

Anxious Katsuki Yuuri

Angst

Fluff and Angst

Angst and Hurt/Comfort

Grief/Mourning

Established Relationship

Anxiety

Anxiety Attacks

Death

Hurt Yuri Plisetsky

Character's Name Spelled as Viktor

Comforting Katsuki Yuuri

Comforting Victor Nikiforov

Victor's last season

Supportive Katsuki Yuuri

stage husband yuuri

moody viktor

Fights

Swearing

Yuri Plisetsky Swears

Post-Canon

DJ Otabek Altin

Motorcycles

it seems like Viktor is insensitive

but he really does care he's just not great with feelings

Language: English

“That’s enough, Vitenka.” The washer kicked on with a polite whir as Viktor skulked past Yuuri back into the apartment. The latter almost followed after, but his head was already pounding from all the alcohol last night, and fighting with Viktor was like fighting with an incredibly stubborn, incredibly intelligent brick wall.

Yuuri should have seen the fight coming.  All the warning signs had been there the night they had drunk vodka and listened through the Orff piece.  But he had, as usual, been slightly drunker than the other two, which was slightly more than intended.  The ache of responsibility would not excuse itself from his chest, even though he knew it wasn’t even really his business.

           Except that he considered everything about Viktor’s mood his business these days.

           He had seen that frozen look that Viktor had whenever he was trying – and failing – to be gracious in masking his distaste.  The tension behind the eyes that flicked over a translation he’d quickly googled on his phone.  The fingers curled tightly and pressed to his lips.  The impatient huffs and hums.  Yuuri knew that he was not the only one who noticed the little high-pitched whines when the momentum of the piece lulled, like a dog who whines at a siren.

           Their first year together, the year of their engagement, Viktor’s moodiness hadn’t really come up – Yuuri would later learn that his husband attributed his cool and pleasant disposition to his newfound love and the unlimited access to the hot springs.  But almost two years in, he had become no stranger to the grouchy slumps into which Viktor fell, especially when he was stressed, and especially when he was away from Makkachin.

He’d tried to ask their Russian rinkmates for advice, insight, anything to appease the beast that bristled in Viktor’s chest when things weren’t going quite as planned, but nobody had much to say beyond, That side of him can be so scary – I try to stay away when I see him in a huff.  Mila recalled her first years studying with Yakov, watching a teenage Viktor sit through five consecutive skate sessions until his coach finally conceded to let him skate Vissi d’arte, vissi d’amore for his free program.  He’d been a pristine, shining marble statue in his beauty and his coldness and his absolute stubbornness.  Even with Yakov screaming in his face, he’d barely looked up from his phone.

It didn’t take much, especially in familiar company.  Yuuri had seen Viktor’s day ruined by the caption of one of Christophe’s Instagram photos.  One bad proof out of the hundred his last photoshoot had yielded.  A discrepancy between the weather forecast and the actual weather.

Everyone knew to stay away.  Except… well, Yurio knew.  He just didn’t care.

           Viktor didn’t like Carmina Burana.  Specifically, he didn’t like it for skating.  A lifelong legacy of wins had groomed in him a compulsion-like reflex to love or hate the music he heard.  It was obnoxious, the black-and-white-ness of it, especially considering his harsh first impressions were usually right.

           That wasn’t to say Yuuri especially loved it himself – there were certainly one or two strong movements, but the themes tended to be repetitive and without direction, like the chanting of the monks the composer had clearly tried to emulate.  There were a time and place for this kind of music, for sure, and when he had first heard Carmina Burana years ago in Detroit he had been swept away by a story of loneliness and fellowship and love and loss. There were even a few movements he himself would consider skating.

           “It’s all about sex,” Viktor huffed, pacing their apartment the next morning under the weakest pretense of unpacking.  “It’s springtime!  Lusty spring!  Everyone drinks and fucks and one day you’ll die!  Perfect!”  Yuuri wished Makkachin were there to lighten the atmosphere, and possibly to motivate his husband to be a bit less aggressive with his stomps.  “This is not the work to honor with dignity the death of a loved one.  No matter how much he may have liked it.”  He threw the last of his shirts into the washing machine and slammed the door shut.  “I understand Yurio’s in pain but we are not here to humor his every whim.”

           “Viktor, he’s trying to find his footing,” Yuuri muttered, leaning in the doorway to watch his husband’s irate clothes-sorting session with quiet concern.  “It’s something Otabek left behind.”

           “Yes, well, I’m sure he left behind some underwear too, so at least Yurio already has a costume.”

           “That’s enough, Vitenka.”

           The washer kicked on with a polite whir as Viktor skulked past Yuuri back into the apartment.  The latter almost followed after, but his head was already pounding from all the alcohol last night, and fighting with Viktor was like fighting with an incredibly stubborn, incredibly intelligent brick wall.

           Yuuri had fallen asleep before the fight proper had even begun, but in retrospect, he had definitely seen the warning signs.  Yurio had grown more and more irritated at Viktor’s audible displeasure, responding with his own little snorts, an eye roll, a middle finger.

           Viktor had let out a dry, humorless laugh when he heard the song of the roasted swan.  The tortured nasal cry of a countertenor raked against their eardrums as he cried, “Now I lie on the plate, and cannot fly anymore, I see bared teeth!”

           “This one would be perfect to skate – I think I’ll recommend it to Georgi,” he’d mumbled.  Yuuri, in spite of himself, could not help but giggle, but Yurio was approaching totally incensed.

           Why had Yuuri let himself get so drunk?  Could he have stopped this?

           He’d sprung awake to the strangled shouts of a heated argument in what must have started out as hushed tones.  Viktor was half-shouting in Russian while Yuri, tears streaming down his face, jammed a finger over and over again into the older man’s chest, hissing his own retaliation.

           “…отвали, мудак, блядь!”

           “…нет оправдания быть эгоистичным!”

           “пошёл на хуй, я любила его!”

           The bottle dangling from Yurio’s hand fell to the floor with a crash.

           Yuuri was already deep into what promised to be a day-long hangover.  He could feel the room lurch around him as he pulled himself to his feet.

           “What on earth is going on?  What happened?  Viktor?” he shot his husband a pointed glare, swallowing down the bile burning in his throat.  The clock on the stove read 5:14.  He gestured towards it, rubbing his temples with his finger and thumb.  “Don’t you see it’s… where are your neighbors? Shit.”

           “Anata, this is foolish.  He’s being hasty in his…” Viktor started in Japanese, but he was soon cut off by Yuri’s furious snarl.

           “You married a selfish piece of shit, pig,” he clipped.  “This is fucking stupid.  Get out.  Go home.  I don’t want to see your fucking faces.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

           The best way to deal with a fuming Viktor was to give him space, let him stomp it out, and let him get hungry enough to think he’d just been hangry.  Yuuri retreated to the bath with a cold sports drink, his Bluetooth speakers, and his copy of The Name of the Wind.  The steamy waters eased the tension from his headache just enough to let him focus on Kvothe’s epic tale, and his classical music playlist was just enough to drown out the sullen grunts and stomps from the other side of the door.  This was supposed to be the list of prospective pieces for his free skate program, but this skating season hardly felt like a reality anymore.

           Besides, Viktor’s fits were nothing compared to Yurio’s.  This little “mood” had been timely enough to potentially settle his decision to take the season off.  Viktor was supposed to start coaching the younger in full this year to open up Yakov’s time to more students.  He’d get over a drunken spat in no time.  He might even hear Yurio out on a few of the solos from the Orff.  Presuming Yurio would forgive his behavior at all, which at the moment was presuming a lot.  What a damn mess.

           The clock on his phone read 15:39.  Ten hours since he’d dragged his seething husband home.  Ten hours since Yuri had kicked them out.  Yuuri knew he wouldn’t be over it, but it was worth a shot.

           He opened a new message and quickly typed out,

 >We should talk about Estuans interius or Stetit puella for your short program if you’re serious about this music.  Don’t let him discourage you.  I’ll even help you choreograph it.

           He reviewed it, not entirely satisfied but not sure how he could make it better, then pressed “Send”.  A reply came in the amount of time it took him to read two more pages.

 >Fuck off.  I’m done.

[chocleanne]

Too tired

Characters: BTS’ Taehyung x Reader Genre: Angst and a hint of Fluff Word Count: 2,970

Rolling his head to the side, Taehyung sighs. This is the fifth Corona he finishes in the last two and a half hours, the clear bottle now joining its peers on the small neglected carpet. He can’t exactly tell the last time he cooked a proper meal for himself, but it was some time around last week, or the week before… maybe.

He had been rejecting Jimin’s texts inviting him to join in on club nights with the other boys. Even if he called, Taehyung just told him he was too busy. He just wasn’t in the mood, he hadn’t been in the mood for anything since that night you left. His life had become a loop of sleeping, showering, half-heartedly slurping in some instant noodles whenever he felt his stomach growl, and watching some senseless movies or series on Netflix until he felt like sleeping again. He hadn’t been to the studio in a week, and whenever he showed up before that, he could barely walk or was absolutely hungover.

He just can’t take you out of his head. Showering reminds him of you, he could swear he can smell your body wash in the morning when he wakes up, or your hair tickling his neck whenever he turns around in his sleep. He could swear he can hear your quiet huffs whenever he presses play on yet another episode of Breaking Bad, your fingers running through his hair right as his eyelids start to give up on him, pulling him into a dream where he’s complaining, trying to work on his first solo song while you jam out to your favorite song.

You’ve never had the most gifted of voices, but he didn’t mind. He used to love hearing you trying to hit especially high notes, your voice cracking in a way he found funny yet endearing. He was just so head over heels for you, when did that change? He started to come home just one hour later than usual, that hour eventually becoming two, three, six… More often than not you were already fast asleep whenever he came home, and he was too tired to wake you up, so he just turned his back on you and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He stopped sending you good morning texts whenever he woke up to an empty bed due to you being at college, he stopped sending you heads up texts when he knew he was going to be late for dinner.

He stopped waking you up with sweet kisses on your neck whenever he had a free day, sneaking a hand under your shirt to let his fingers feel your warm skin whenever you’d watch a show and cuddle on the couch. He stopped paying attention to your rants about your day, focusing more on his texts with Hoseok about a move he couldn’t get quite right that afternoon during practice, he stopped cracking jokes at you and teasing you for being too short to reach the utensils in the kitchen. He stopped being your boyfriend until one day you decided you’d had enough.

He was sitting down on his desk, writing and scribbling and scrunching papers as he had been for the past three days, brows furrowed in concentration when you appeared from the side, holding two dresses in front of you. “Hey, Mozart,” you teased and he hummed in acknowledgment. “Blue or green? You’re wearing your green shirt, right?” To your last question, he arched one of his full eyebrows without lifting his head from his notes “Me? Why would I wear that now?”. You licked your bottom lip and stared at his back in disappointment, you were expecting this to happen anyway. “Our three years dinner, Tae. The reservation was for today,” you reminded him calmly, holding onto the bit of hope you still had. He turned around to face you and let his eyes roam over your figure. He can’t deny he felt a pinch of guilt tug at his heart at that moment, but that didn’t stop his calm words when he looked at you in the eye. “I’m sorry, babe, I’m really tired and I think I’m finally getting somewhere with this.”

Your face dropped completely when he just sent you an apologetic smile and turned back around to keep scribbling on his notebook. It was that simple for him, an ‘I’m sorry’ and a small smile fixed it all. But it wasn’t, you were tired of ‘I’m sorry’s, you were tired of excuses, you were tired of him being too tired for you.

“Sure, don’t worry about it.” You spoke your preset words and walked back to your shared bedroom to leave both dresses back on top of the bed. You stepped into a pair of black jeans and threw on your favorite hoodie, not one of his. It took you about twenty minutes to throw as much of your stuff as you could inside of a backpack and call one of your friends to ask if you could stay with her for a few days.

As you reached for your phone charger on the corner of his desk, he took a quick glance at you and had to do a double take to realize you didn’t have your usual sleeping clothes on. Instead, you were dressed to go out. “Where you going?” he asked casually and for the first time noticed how you had put makeup on and done your hair. He was forced out of his small inspection by the words that left your lips next.

“I’m leaving.”

You spoke to him with such a serene tone and looked at him with such a normal expression that he thought it was a joke at first, so he just played along. “Leaving where, I bought dinner on my way back from the studio when I went to che-”, he was interrupted by you once again. “I’m serious, Tae. I’m leaving. I can’t take this anymore.”

His expression changed so quickly that it was almost funny. His eyebrows furrowed and he let his eyes shift towards your fingers holding tightly onto the strap of your bag. “Because of the dinner? Don’t be dramatic, we can go out tomorrow night. I’ll come home early, I promise. Now go change.” He spoke in a condescending tone as if he were speaking to a child before going back to his notes yet again and you could feel your ears heat up at that moment.

“The reservation was for tonight, though. I made it three weeks ago, and I told you. But of course, you were too tired to pay attention,” at this point, he just dropped his pen and turned on his chair with his hands on his lap and looked at you with a bored expression, eyes begging you to continue and finish already so he could go back to focusing. “You’ve been too tired for the last six months. There hasn’t been one single day where you haven’t told me you’re too tired to watch a movie, too tired to touch me, too tired to have dinner with me in our kitchen. Were you even listening when I told you last night that my partner for my thesis decided to drop out and now I have six months to complete a one-year work on my own and I have no fucking clue where to start? I don’t think so, you were probably too tired for that too. You’re not the only one here with stuff to do, with a schedule to keep and deadlines to meet. You’re not the only one here staying extra hours working on your stuff and stressing over it. But you know what? You are the only one that’s too tired to be with me, though. I’ve been having a shitty time trying not to come to my fucking boyfriend with my problems because he’s “too tired” to cope up with me. And you know what? That’s not right at all, I shouldn’t need to stress about that as if I was whining twenty-four seven. I’m leaving and I won’t be on my phone, so don’t call me or text me and expect me to reply. I’ll take a few weeks, not too long, and text you to meet up and talk once I’ve decided if I want to stay in this relationship or not, and I will hear you out if you have anything to say. I love you, Tae, but I hate feeling like a nuisance when I do not cling to you not demand attention from you all the time.”

He took a deep breath once you were finished and brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “You’re being childish, Y/N. We’re not sixteen,” he replied shortly, not being able to recall something on his behavior lately that was worthy of such a scene. “If that’s what you need, take your time.” He looked at you straight in the eye and you figured there was no use on saying anything else, so you just turned around and stepped on your shoes before disappearing out the door.

Not being ones to cry, neither of you shed a tear that night. You spent the night ranting to your friend in anger and Taehyung buried himself into his lyrics until his eyes gave up. It took him three days to notice you really weren’t coming back. He had expected you to come home the next day but you didn’t. He was used to your warmth on the bed whenever he came home so sleeping on the big bed on his own after two years became a little too uncomfortable and cold.

On the fourth night, he tried texting you for the first time.

To: Y/N

C’mon, don’t make such a huge deal out of this.     12:36 a.m

As expected, you didn’t reply. It just angered him, he still didn’t understand why it was such a big deal, it’s not like he’d never been busy before. You’ve been dating him for three years, Jesus Christ! He was a musician, weren’t writer’s block and bad moods supposed to be part of the hassle? Well, he technically wasn’t a songwriter, but he was trying something new, couldn’t you just cut him some slack?

Coronas became his best friends that night, and he had kept drinking them until he had no other choice than to go to sleep or drop his stomachal content on the toilet yet again. Namjoon had sent him home with a kick in the ass and an Advil tablet the fourth consecutive night he showed up to practice almost speaking another language from so much slurring and tripping over his own words.

He had spent those two next weeks as a zombie, living mainly on the couch of your shared apartment and his side of the bed. At the moment your text arrives, he’s starting to get up to head to sleep and the notification sound makes him jump slightly and falling ass down on the couch. “Who the fuck is texting me at three fucking a.m?”

From: Y/N

Is it okay if I come over tomorrow night?      3:15 a.m.

He looks around and curses at himself for making such a mess. He replies with a quick ‘Sure’ and silently thanks you for not wanting to come in the morning when he’d still be hungover out of his mind. He makes sure to set up an alarm and swallow a couple of Advils after breakfast before starting to clean up the mess that was the apartment. He surprises himself with the amount of instant noodles packages he’s managed to hog up in the span of two weeks and does his best to leave the apartment as good as it would be on a normal day with you.

You arrive at exactly eight p.m, drenched from the suddenly pouring rain and he won’t admit he spent a little bit more than five minutes choosing his ‘casual, just playing games’ outfit, but he pays it no mind when he pulls you in quickly before shutting the door. He hands you a towel and gets you dry clothes from the wardrobe. You can’t help but feel a sting of warmth cross your heart at the way he helps you dry your hair off so gently and the fact that he got you your favorite pair of sweats to change onto. You two have take-out dinner and try your best at small talk about your time away. You tell him about your friend’s son and his little quirks and you two laugh for a few hours, toning down the tense atmosphere with some neutral talk.

You didn’t come to have a date, though, so you eventually get serious and call his name to tell him what you resolved in your two weeks away, wanting to hear his response as well. He, nevertheless, surprises you with his response. “Can we talk in the morning? It’s raining, and it’s late” you look at the clock and he’s right, it’s slightly past midnight. “you look tired too, why don’t we just sleep for a few hours and then I’ll listen to all you have to say, no interruptions?”. You stay silent and look at him, thinking how lame his convincing sounds but you comply anyways.

You two head to bed and lay down, both laying on your backs. It’s like the tense atmosphere from before has come back before he turns on his side to look at you, his expression serious as he stares at you directly in your eyes. “I know you didn’t come here to talk,” he speaks calmly yet not dismissive this time and you turn your head to look at him. Your heart starts to feel heavy when you stare back at him and see the small hint of sadness in his eyes. “I came to pick up my clothes,” you tell him in a small voice, breathing slowly and feeling your world flip upside down when he says his next words.

“You’re wearing Jaesuk’s earrings, I’ve always thought they were obnoxious,” he smiles faintly and you bite your lip, trying to hold back the tears at the mention of your college mate. He had been your support ever since Taehyung started shifting away from you and you slowly fell for him, finding the smallest excuse to leave Taehyung. At the moment it seemed like a good idea so you wouldn’t hurt his pride, but he knew. Taehyung isn’t a dumb guy, nor an innocent one, and the dam in your eyes gives in when he lifts a hand to brush his large thumb across your cheek. “I’m sorry,” is all you can mutter before your voice breaks and your throat starts to hurt as you cry silently.

“No, I’m sorry I lost you like this and gave him the opportunity,” he shakes his head slightly and brushes your hair behind your ear. He isn’t crying, but you can tell by the slight pout tugging from his lips that he’s fighting the tears just as much as you were. You know him so well, and you are so in love with him, with the Taehyung in front of you right now. You turn on your side so you’re now facing him with your whole body and you bite your lip.

“I’m not going to give up, Y/N. I was an asshole but I know now what it is to be without you and it’s not what I want at all. It’s not what you wanted either, and I’ll try my best to get you to feel like that again. I will get you back, okay?” He speaks with a firm tone and you can’t help but start sobbing. Why’d he have to change? This is the Taehyung you know, not the one that you’ve been living with for the last six months. Why did he have to change and give you the perfect chance to fall in love with someone else? What if this is just because you left? What if this is just one more of his excuses? You cover your face with your hands, not baring his stare anymore and he pulls you closer by your waist.

You cry into his chest and let his strong arms wrap around you, wrapping your own around his torso and pressing your forehead to his shoulder, eyes closed until you fall asleep like that. You’ve been missing his touch for the past six months and getting to feel it again under this situation was making your heart shrink with too many emotions. Happiness for being between his arms, relief because he wasn’t mad at you, guilt for having run to another man so fast, fear of this being just temporary, insecurity because of your feelings towards Jaesuk… You just couldn’t bear to think about it anymore so you end up falling asleep.

Taehyung buries his face in your hair and waits until your breathing slows down to finally inhale deeply and let a few tears escape his eyes. He feels so stupid, he’s disappointed on both you and himself for letting this happen. He doesn’t want to lose you, though, that he knows for sure. You two have been through too much for this to be the reason it all ends. He doesn’t know how he’ll manage to fix the mess he made with his friends in the past two weeks and with you in the past six months, but he’ll find a way. Not today though, today he’ll hold you to sleep and revel in your warmth. He doesn’t plan on leaving the bed or you today, today he’s just too tired.

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing after literally (not misusing the word) years so yeah, also yes this is totally an excuse.