#i swear im not crazy youre crazy
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look i watched inside out 2. love the anxiety rep. when's inside out 3 coming out where riley realizes theyre queer?
#look im SURE theres a cishet reading of riley#its just wrong#im SURE its POSSIBLE that the deep-dark humongous secret has nothing at all to do with queerness#if youre stupid#and MAYBE theres a TINY possibility that riley didnt have a crush on the girl who she spends every waking hour trying to impress#actually you know what there isnt any possibility of that one#and yeah riley has multiple different gendered feelings in her brain when every one else's brain only has their gender#on top of that it would make so much SENSE#take disgust for instance. disgust seems to be the girl in charge of crushes right?#than why? is she? so obsessed? with girls?#inside out 2#i swear im not crazy youre crazy#three pigeons in a trench coat
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popping in randomly after almost an entire month just to talk non stop about the tsaritsa again everyone sit down.
specifically just thinking about the implications of tsaritsa's ideals originally being about love + the abandonment of those ideals to complete her goal of, presumably, destroying Celestia or whatever she's cooking up. to the point even her people don't love her and I probably don't even remember a time her ideals were of love. now it's all just ice and snow and cold.
which makes romantic fics w her even funnier because she's purposely removed this part of herself and suddenly reader walks into teyvat like they own the place (they do) and I can only imagine her reaction. angry, probably. because why you? what are you doing to her that's caused her hundreds of years of strict adherence to rejecting "love" both from others and to others to just. collapse. absolute shattering of her world and you probably don't even know it bc if nothing else she's good at hiding it. a lot of denial. tries to pick you apart and see what's makes you so different.
and oh she just hates it. she loathes it.
basically one sided enemies to lover trope because she can't stand you for a while but if you stick around she starts warming up to you and it makes it WORSE. so much worse. tries to distance herself but your just everywhere and it gets on her nerves because why does she love you? she isn't capable of love, not anymore. she thought she was.
g-d forbid one of the harbingers or PIERRO notices she'd never live it down. might even consider the implications of just killing you (she doesnt). worse if you know about it and act like a brat she will lose her damn mind
just the tsaritsa being an absolutely horrible mess internally.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#tsaritsa#i could also talk sbt furi here and how similar they r + how writing one of them influences my writing of the other#but anyway#ive been busy moving i havent had time to write unfortunately#but i do have time for tsaritsa! and furi. mwah#i just think its funny imagining tsaritsa trying to be polite snd cordial but ohh shes SEETHING. she hates you. she loves you.#she wants to kiss you snd kill you and devour you. a horrible mess of a woman who closed herself off snd suddenly she feels exposed#she hates it. wants to hate you but oh g-d you make her soft in the worst of ways. she'd destroy teyvat itself if you asked her to#shes like a cat you gotta work to earn her trust but oh lord when you do. velcroed to your side#she will say she despises you before kissing you so tenderly it makes you dizzy. between vitriol she brushes her knuckles against your cheek#longing and yearning so violently you will tear each other apart just to be closer.#is there anything so undoing as loving another so wholly it consumes you?#she swears she's indifferent but she pampers you and sends you extravagant gifts with no name attached yet it smells like her. you know.#oh to be in a horribly complicated relationship thats almost one sided enemies to lovers w the tsaritsa that consumes you both#like two stars wanting to be closer and yet..in doing so you undo each other when you inevitably collide. caught in an orbit that dooms both#this has been ur monthly tsaritsa ranting ur welcome and goodnight ���#when i say im crazy sbt the tsaritsa i am so serious. i AM her number 1 fan source me
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[rubs my hands together and slaps my hand on her back]
this bad girl can fit so much ruthlessness within her
ahahahah anyways… [proceeds to get mauled]
i actually spent like half an hour looking for the best name, here’s some info on it:
vanina means "brings good news" in spanish and portuguese
it is also an alternate spelling of vania (latin): pet form of evangelina
i thought it would be funny to name her like that and she’s like “i bring good news; i killed 20 people :D”
also nina is a cute nickname
oh and her left eye is non functional due to carelessness whoops
Nina is a cutie pie and I'd absolutely allow her to crush my skull.
#SHE'S TALLER AUGHHH I LOVE WHEN TALL WOMEN#NOW THIS IS CRAZY COOL!! CRAZY AWESOME#i love the features you added to her robobunny antennas >:]]]]]#your lineart is well polished im. mesmerized.#also searching for the perfect name is such a mood#i swear to good looking for a name for Hunter was the ABSOLUTE HELL because not only his previous name SUCKED-#but none of the ones i had written down fit him so like. 'fuck it. hunter'#i love her name... Vanina!#WAIT. VANNY??????#OUGH#anyway. vanina exocannis save me.....save me vanina exocannis....#inbox#fusionsprunt#original character
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THEY DEVASTATINGLY WALLOPED ME FOR THESE BRIEF FEW SECONDS
#leigh's magneto hours#THERE'S SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. ESPECIALLY THE ALMOST TOUCHING FOREHEADS BIT.#magneto's 'my path is too littered with error'#;WWWWWWW;#and rogue's 'you have to earn people's trust'#LIKE!!!!! AND THEN HE DIRECTLY GOES FOR THE 'ooooo i feared you'd do your best to avoid being alone with me.' WITH THE HAND GRAB!!!!#YOU FEARED???? YOU FEARED?!?! FEARED FOR WHAT. OLD MAN WHAT ARE YOU SAYING#AND THEN HE GOES TO TRY AND TAKE OFF THE GLOVE. AS IF WE DIDN'T JUST ADDRESS TRUST#dnvjdxbvjhdbvhdx. this man. i swear. you are giving me signals that you want to be more open and then YET YOU BRING UP OLD BAGGAGE#he's like 'oh i just got rejected. well now time to deflect.' LIKE AAAAAAAAA#this moment coupled with the moment at the end is making me crazy#sorry to my followers who never expected me to be into xmen???? im here now. im so ill with it.#i can probably assure there will be more rogneto on this blog here in the future. this is your warning#i just feel like ive been fucking SPOON FED oh my god. crossing my fingers we get more messy feelings between them.
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sometimes i think about how the people who hate on my takes on here would talk to each other and its always phrased like the twitter fandom drama i see but completely irrational and it makes me giggle
"calling kusuke abusive just because he shot his brother with a lethal weapon, plotted his murder, planned to use their grandparents to assist in hurting/killing him, and tried for years to expose his secret to the entire world against his will and through knowingly hurtful means in order to destroy everything he cared about is so stupid! what a stretch!"
"the saiki k fandom is so damn sensitive. i shoot my brother with massive guns all the time and its not abusive because he just blocks it!" HELPEKSJJSJSKSKKS
#sorry i have absolutely no beef with anyone this is just funny#its just an opinion and i have nothing against people with a different opinion than me#its just funny how they think IM irrational when this is legitimately their thought process#and they come directly onto MY page and cry about people having diff opinions#like girl u do NOT see me doing that shit thats so embarrassing stop#im not even a kusuke hater like thats my man#but even if i was- i dont get why that bothers people so much like y r u so scared of different opinions#i sometimes talk about teru or saiki haters i dont like but that isnt defined by 'literally anyone who doesnt like them'#idgaf if people hate my fav characters- i just hate the WAY certain people hate them that shows they didnt understand the show#YOUR definition of 'evil kusuke haters who must be purged from this fandom' is literally anyone who has an opinion on him-#-that isnt sunshine and rainbows and kusuke is the most morally right and sympathetic character and nobody else deserves him !1!1! ur crazy#oh this isn't targeted at any specific person btw im just being dramatic#i havent acknowledged this at all in months idk what compelled me to do so now#the single anon that barely even said anything just made me think back to this#nobody gets him like i do i swear i swear#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuke#meows post
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Alright the Gravity Falls brain rot is kicking in (aka I watched a 4hr video overanalyzing ATOTS <3 iykyk)
So have a loosely thought out concept of a hypothetical Welcome Home x Gravity Falls au with my "Hear me out!"s This is a long one, you've been warned <3
Wally - Dipper
Sally - Mabel
Julie - Stanley
Frank - Stanford
Eddie - Soos
Barnaby - Wendy
Poppy - Abuelita
Howdy - Gideon
Home - Bill???
Ok hear me out! (under the cut) Please ignore typos <3
Very quick clarification! For this au everyone is at least in their teens and I'm gonna add their ages as I elaborate. Ok? Ok!
Gonna Start with Poppy and Eddie. In this hypothetical au Poppy is Not Eddie's grandmother. Originally I thought of assigning Poppy the role of Lazy Susan but I wanted her to have a closer connection to the rest of the cast. And Abuelita fit the role well enough for me! She's just a sweet homebody who wants to knit and bake in peace. Eddie tells her all about work and Wally and Sally visit. <3
So Poppy and Eddie live together as Roommates/Family. Poppy took Eddie in as a teen (16ish) when she was in her early 20s (22-23?) He views her as a big sister. And she views him as a little brother. Anxiety siblings <3 (yes I hc Eddie has anxiety) Eddie started working for the shack soon after being taken under Poppy's wing. He's a tad forgetful and clumsy but is a very reliable handy man and a good friend! He's got a big heart and worries about Julie sometimes.
Currently, as in the time the au takes place, Eddie is 24 and Poppy is 30-31.
Julie and Frank would in fact make a Fantastic Mabel and Dipper. Tbh I think I've seen the comparison before. Which is exactly why I'm not doing it! They're not twins here but they are childhood friends and very close in age, Frank being slightly older. Currently, Julie is 57(?) and Frank is 58(?). (Ages aren't confirmed, all I know is I want them to be A Bit younger than the Stans. Currently this would put them in their late 20s at the time of the portal incident)
I feel like people sometimes forget that Frank is not against resorting to violence lol. Which is great for post portal Ford (and maybe Paranoia era Ford. bbg was not afraid to use that crossbow.) And Julie is a girl bossing business woman! She's scamming people selling breen to the tourists! Whatever that is! Tbh Big inspo for this decision is Relativity Falls, like I said these two make for great mystery twins.
So! Wally (15) as a teenage Dipper! It's just Wally but his curiosity is bumped to 100. Still the same lil guy but he's got a hyperfixation on the supernatural and cryptids. Maybe he hasn't quite figured out his style yet, maybe he's a bit more awkward, I dunno.
He kinda didn't want to spend his summer here but ends up enjoying himself as he makes friends and gets to over indulge his curiosity.
Sally (15) is Wally's adopted sister! By sheer coincidence they have the same birthday but Sally always points out that she's older because she was "born at sunrise!" She's very adventurous and is often the one leading their escapades. I imagine she meets this aus equivalent of Candy and Grenda at the local theater. Very much wants to be her own person, separating herself from the Adopted Twins thing. Not in a bad way! She loves Wally very much but wants people to see her as Sally! Not just "Wally's Sister."
Barnaby (22) is very laid back and so is Wendy. Yeah I don't actually have a lot to say? Um. He does the bare minimum work but is a good friend to Julie. He's real observant and can tell she's not always as bubbly as she seems But she's also his boss so he doesn't pry. Instead just offering a distraction or a rare bit of advice..
Oh! There's a parallel with him and Wally and Wendy and Dipper. Except Wally just wants to be friends with Barnaby but doesn't quite know how to communicate that. Maybe he just kinda follows him around the shack hoping to figure out what to say?
Thinking their relationship is literally the recent quote from Clown's Q&A: "Barnaby meeting Wally felt like business as usual, and Wally meeting Barnaby felt like meeting the whole world." yeah that's it. Sums it up Perfectly <3 Wally thinks Barnaby is really cool and friendly. And he wants a friend who treats him like he's mature. Like he's 15, not 5. And Barnaby does that right out the gate. Calls him kid but obviously doesn't treat him like a small child.
Ahem. Capitalism. Howdy's (21) a filthy capitalist and wants the shack for Profit. I don't think he'd resort to literal breaking and entering to get the deed? Can't make Profit from jail if he gets caught. But he's definitely trying to buy the property off of Julie. Maybe we stray further from Gravity Falls canon and say he gets an early redemption bc I'm a sucker for this goof. It would be sometime after taking the shack (and losing it.) Oh but he does summon the Evil. Can't break the law if the law doesn't account for Interdimensional Demons!
On that note, Yes Howdy could be Stanley. But again. That's the easy way out! Also in my brain that would make,, idk Barnaby? Ford. And I couldn't do that.
Ok final (wh) character. Home. So I'm on the side of Home Isn't Evil/The Antagonist. He's just a guy (house)! A sassy fella! But someone's gotta be the Eldritch Horror and Unfortunately, Home,,, well he's a lil quirky!
But idk How to incorporate Home. They speak in onomatopoeias! They're a house! Is Home now a Vague 2D House Shaped Demon? Do the have Limbs? Wear a top hat? Do they talk now? Home speaking words feels cursed. But I genuinely don't what else to do? Maybe we suspend our disbelief and they still talk through banging shutters. Everyone just understands them bc Cartoon logic pffff maybe they have subtitles projected into your brain that only you can see idk lol.
So obviously there's Way more GF characters than there are WH characters. insert characters [(y/n)] aren't my thing for aus so that's a no go for me personally. I imagine the town is filled with characters we've heard of outside the neighbors (Ma Beagle of course lives in town.) Maybe some of Howdy's family is here who knows. And the rest would be randos or ocs I guess! Tho I don't believe Julie's siblings are in town.
Anywho this is all hypothetical and I made it up and retyped things as I went along. I wanted to ramble some nonsense so I did! If you read it, Awesome! You sure did that!
#all of this is a concept! A Vague Idea!#Nothing is solid and im just throwing things at the wall here#big thing here is the role assigning i did here throws out a Lot of ships.#which is fine! gf isn't about that (outside of Mabel's boy crazy misadventures if thise even count)#But! if there were! LaughingStock.#Or eddie/barnaby bc Some People have me side eyeing it.#bc remember everyone but wally and sally are adults.#anyway ugh gravity falls my beloved#and Home you complicated sentient house you#seriously i Can Not figure this guy out. I swear im gonna draw a Bill-ified Home#just to see if i can make it work#Ahem! But!#If you read my nonsense! Thank you!#Feel free to yell at me about it with your thoughts and opinions :) if you feel so inclined#welcome home#wally darling#sally starlet#julie joyful#frank frankly#eddie dear#barnaby b beagle#poppy partridge#howdy pillar#wh home#welcome home au
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you know how floor masters are based off of desserts and stuff? Yeah? Okay, so what's midori based off of? It's the drink, midori, right?
midori is a melon flavored drink. you know what a melon is? Green! But watermelons are special! They are melons that are red with black seeds (I swear this is going somewhere) Midori's scarf... is red! With dots! LIKE WATERMELON SEEDS HE IS A WATERMELON TRUST ME I WAS THERE HE TOLD ME
#cyber's rants#yttd#kmgsn#kimi ga shine#your turn to die#midori yttd#sou hiyori#floormasters#i swear im not crazy!!
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#IM FUCKING CRAZY.#NEED TO SHAKE HIM IN ONE FIST AND BITE ON HIS HEAD FROM THE TOP WITH MY UNHINGED JAW#click for full image!#also i swear to god i did not try to make him that pale on purpose my mac's color settings are just completely diff than my ipad and wash-#-everyone out#IM SORRY POOKIE BEAR I HAVE FAILED TO CAPTURE YOUR MELANIN.#CRUCIFY ME.#yt22#ali + art#yuki tsunoda#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 fanart#f1 fanart#formula 1 art
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Snitches get stitches, Burt.
#Markiplier#iswm#in space with markiplier#Gunther#celci#burt#Gunther b gunnerson#Celci f kelvina#Engineer mark#main#ask-the-invincible-crew#Scheeze art#YES I AM STILL ALIVE FEBRUARY and MARCH WAS ONE HELL OF AN EMOTIONAL RIDE#AND PEOPLE are still sending in asks oh god bless you all i swear i read every single one of your asks#and some asks make me laugh like crazy so im going to eventually get to them after i finish applications and stuff#thanks for bearing with me!#also my favourite panel out of this whole thing is just burt's face LMAOOO#IM SO EXCITED FOR MY PLANS IN APRIL YOU HAVE NO IDEA#while i was drawing burt i showed my friend and she was like 'WHY IS LUIGI GETTING CHOKED TO DEATH'#IM SOBBING
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AHHHH ART
This has no meaning, but it took so long and was a pain in the ass so im posting it anyways
Unfinished Daffodil and Uhhhhh, I don’t remember her name
Daffodil is a really fluffy something, idk its thats that browm fluffy moth that exists (I searched it, its a Southerm Flannel Moth)
Something something is a Luna Moth
I have no more to post other than this shit I wrote that I don’t even know what it means but I wrote it and okay
Its giving trying to be emo, but okay. I don’t know why tf I wrote this but it exists and im just gonna put it here for you to laugh at because it gives Gacha 2020 angst lol, I am one of the most horrible writers ever lols. I AM NOT CHANGING HONOUR IT WILL BE SPELT LIKE THAT FOREVER BCS I DONT GIVE A SHIT
Okay bye yall
Dem out
My arm is covered in cuts and its fun to touch cus you know scabs are fun to touch
OKAY NOW I AM ACTUALLY DONE LOL MORE CATECIS ART COMING SOON PROMISE
#artists of tumblr#art#artwork#drawing#my art#digital art#oc#character art#artists on tumblr#original character#my oc stuff#oc art#ocs#my ocs#oc artwork#im not insane#im so tired#im bored#i swear im not crazy#im going insane#im crazy#im not okay#why am i like this#what the hell#i am not okay#I will eat your feet hanging off the bed while your sleeping and you will enjoy it
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Hey, when you said RHATO Jason is the worst version on your last ask, were you referring to the first comic, second comic, or the Webtoon? (Honestly annoyed the Webtoon took that name, makes things even more confusing)
I have problems with all 3 (Webtoon most of all for sure, with the second and first switching places behind it based on what characters or plots I’m thinking about tbh), but I was just curious haha
oh. oh. oh you're not ready for this. I've been trying this entire week to find a good time to air out my thoughts:
so! in my opinion (again, this is not shaming anyone for liking what they like! if you happen to like RHATO!jason all the more power to you! dont read this!) all three reiterations of RHATO!Jason .. are not great. the one I think might have potential to be salvaged is the second one with Artemis and bizarro! (although roy harper is in my heart of hearts)
the way Jason is written in rhato... the rhato written by Scott Lobdell anyway, (who is actually a sexual predator and when you start to think even a LITTLE about how the women are written in RHATO makes so much sense) portrays Jason as yet another cookie cutter anti-hero-deadpool-esque personality who's mainly confined by the narrative restraints of his character.
I say this because hes so.... the way he goes about his vigilantism is so .. shallow. It's like the narrative is finding excuses to make him violent so the reader can be stimulated with Michale Bay explosions lol. You hardly see any stories in there where Jason is an actual champion for the people, and you hardly see his background as a street kid come into play... its like... he became... a vigilante because....he knows how the system can fail those... alienated and forgotten by those sworn to protect them... and thus channels his energy into said people through acts of radical protection... (also because the whole bruce thing yeah I know)
I keep thinking about injustice!Jason's monologue where he literally says something along the lines of "while bruce and clark were fighting I fought for the people who were being caught up in the whole thing" like if that doesn't just tell you who he is idk what will! and sure, injustice isn't Jason source material, so look at under the red hood! he literally becomes a drug kingpin TO CONTROL crime ... and then instead of getting these immense shows of care he has for the community in RHATO, we get panels like this:
like ok get it I guess 😭😭😭😭
this is the new and improved Jason!! he's suave.. hes American... he's... just like every other antihero now!!
I don't know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot- best bet is to read the comics yourself to kinda get what im saying! but even rebirth Jason is (kind of) getting what RHATO Jason doesn't-- he's a product of his huge heart. rebirth Jason has countless stories where we see how Jason ACTUALLY operates as red hood, and what his symbol means to the citizens of Gotham!
if you pour too much grit and "edginess" into Jason, then you kind of miss what he's all about- he can still be silly and sarcastic! in fact, one of my favorite Jason moments is from red hood: lost days, a series where he's portrayed as an edgy, "misfit" ruffian:
like. hello this is hilarious. and we can still have moments like these while balancing his emotional range as a vigilante that's motivated by his big fat heart! (ignoring the fact that he slept with Talia in the next issue 😭 Jason fans can't have shit 😭)
but anyway! ill likely add more when I'm not feeling so tired, but god!! is it so hard to show Jason's propensity for kindness!! is it so hard to realize that his character to the core is revolved around a deep understanding for others based on personal experience!!
there's a reason why DC (in the rare moments when they know what to do with his character) always writes stories with Jason consoling children, or Jason being good with kids in dangerous situations!
it's because he's been there before. he's felt the grief and confusion of being helpless in a situation of his control. he's felt the consequences of adults who were supposed to protect and raise him! he's been killed for daring to cling on to the notion of trust even after all he's been through!
and I don't know, I think his dedication to the people, children especially, is his way of forgiving himself- his way of telling little Jason that it wasn't his fault.
#I went a little crazy midway through but I hope this answers your q!#and I hope it makes sense. I swear im more coherent when I have my thoughts together#the last panel actually makes me sob god above what the hell is that and why are my eyes sweating#Jason robin :(((((#Jason todd#vee's soapbox#asks#thank you for the question btw!! I love answering qs like this#batman#red hood and the outlaws#under the red hood#red hood lost days#red hood
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Hey fellow milkweed nerds of Tumblr I have a question.
So. Swamp milkweed. It's pink! That's pretty cool. I wanna know how pink.
Because whenever I google Swamp Milkweed, whether its to look for seeds or plants for sale or just to show other people, the flowers look like this.
[ID: Three pictures of swamp milkweed, all a very very bright vivid hot pink with white middles.]
Thats Fucking Hot Pink. This bright ass pink is what drew me to the plant in the first place. If I were to find my Dream Swamp Milkweed, it would be this pink.
However, a lot of the times, I end up finding swamp milkweed that looks more like this.
[ID: Two pictures of swamp milkweed, both from the same plant. The flowers are a light, nearly white, light pink.]
Its a much lighter, more of a strawberry-milk pink. These are pictures I took from my own swamp milkweed plant, but from the pictures I've seen in my gardening server, a lot of them have plants in a color similar to this.
So what I'm curious about is. If you grow swamp milkweed, or have seen it growing in the wild, have you ever seen it as pink in the first example? Or is it just Photoshop magic? And if you do have it that pink... do you have any seeds you'd be willing to share?
#milkweed#swamp milkweed#pollinator gardening#pollinator garden#asclepias#asclepias incarnata#like im genuinely curious#as the self proclaimed milkweed queen of Tumblr I Want To Know#and also as the self proclaimed milkweed queen of Tumblr if you have a vivid pink milkweed plz send me pics and also seeds#i can send mexican sunflower seeds in return if you want even#i genuinely wanna know because I swear when I see images of vivid pink milkweeds its either a site trying to sell milkweed#or a site trying to promote native milkweeds#NOW. I bought some bare root plants from Home Depot#they haven't flowered yet but if they come back next year and they're vivid ass hot pink then I'll have fulfilled this Research Question#but until they flower next year (if they even come back I kinda neglected them on accident) I am DYING to know#i have seen NO ONE thats like a real person with bright ass pink milkweed#is it a thing they do when the plants are older? is it a specific strain everyone's going crazy over? or is it photoshop#vote now on your phones#ani rambles#out of queue
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i think abt megumi all the time 🥲
#he is in fact number 1 in my jjk top 5#today i am thinking abt him being the sweetest bf ever but its like ... in all the unusual ways#and not at all in ways that anyone else would think are sweet#but theyre sweet bec they're exceptions to things he'd never do idk idk idk idk#like. no one else would think it's sweet that he lets you order instead of him#but he only does that bc he doesn't want to turn his back to u . like . he's not letting u out of his sight lmao#he'd rather save the seat and let you go ahead so he can watch while youre ordering in case ppl try anyth funny#i think at his core megumi is so protective idkidkd hES KINDA CRAZY I SWEAR#i talked so much again#ok thats it for me today.#choso drabble tomorrow maybe hopefully jsbfhaj im sorry so many last minute plans !
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undoubtedly in my flop era. however to flop now means to fly later... i fucking hope
#side note if u suffer from really bad burning and chest tightness when youre sad then you can take tylenol to help relieve that#thats crazy actually. physical symptoms for mental problems have physical relief. i love science#i swear to god if my flop era includes rejection from the school im applying to.... ill be on the ten o clock news
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hey guys i guess im fucking cured my 48hr ekg band test came back ✨️normal✨️
#burnt the eggs#i call fucking bullshit on this#theres no way theres no FUCKING way#ive measured my own fucking heart rate when i feel like my hearts pounding or racing and its been UP THERE#theres no way everything was fucking NORMAL FOR TWO DAYS#bro i almost PASSED OUT during that test#my heart rate spikes EVERY TIME i go up the stairs to get into my apartment#EVERY TIME#i cant fucking STAND for too long!!!!! i cant COOK!!! going to stores is HARD#and youre telling me there was NOTHING????????#fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you#i dont know how an ekg band test that was literally strapped to me could be wrong but i fucking swear#i fucking SWEAR#i feel like im going crazy
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when ppl are like "do u know ppl of x minority that ur still in contact with" as a gotcha ig to say ur not actually as open and progressive as you say you are but bud... i dont talk to anyone from my past, lmao, I dont think thats a fair metric to go by quite frankly
#no i dont talk to that person anymore. just like i dont talk to any of the privileged ppl i knew anymore either lmao#i kinda cut everyone off bc apparently ppl in my state just have a hard on for being judgemental assholes all the time and im tired of it#i thought maybe it was me but i hear from ppl who arent from here all the time that ppl are way more weird and cliquey here#and its hard to make friends so. i feel less bad now lmao.#i thought i was crazy but no im seeing reality perfectly clearly. ppl just are super cliquey here for no reason#and anyone who strays from the status quo in any capacity must be Shunned and Condemned for being Wiyuurrd#the more right leaning types dont try to hide it. but the progressive try to cloak their disgust and uncomfortability with people#being different with a bunch of excuses. literally making shit up about me to justify hating me so they can still feel progressive#while hating and making fun of me in an explicitly rw way#like. acting like kiwifarms people out here being fucking strategic n shit pretending to like me so they can make fun of me type shit like#you look like a nazi dawg lmao.#you make me feel like hanging out with my brothers friends- who definitely leaned a bit to the right- is more ideal bc at least they're#fucking out in the open and honest about making fun of me bc they think im weird. yall are too cowardly to just own up to it.#'n-no i swear its because he did [thing i either did but it didnt go down the way they said or something they made up]! i swear im not#just making shit up just to make fun of him !!!!!!! i promie!!!!'#i literally cut off all my hair bc of taking 'lsd' from those same brothers friends bc i went fucking crazy basically (trying to emphasize#how low the bar is that id rather hang out with these dudes than the more left leaning ppl i knew) and people assumed i did it bc some girl#who had or died of cancer that i never even fucking heard before??? like idk. ig they thought i was trying to be insulting or smthn????#i didnt even know who this chick was and it was my first time hearing about her when ppl told me someone spread that rumor.#bitch i was sitting in my bathroom for hours having weird discussions in myself and basically fighting between my real self#and what felt like an external force of all the judgements ppl have made about me manifest into one being (zero) trying to convince me#i couldnt be me and i felt like he possessed me to cut off all my hair and i heard him say 'THIS ISNT YOUR REAL HAIR!!!'#since it was dyed at the time and i was embracing being trans and embracing being my true self but something about that 'trip'#fucked me up and detrans and it had a lot to do w another trip i had w those same brothers friends making me feel inadequate.#i dont know who da fuck you were talking about bitch im living in a nightmare over here can we talk about that instead of whatever tf#you're going on about and making up to justify hating me and ignoring my suffering?
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