#i survived the day did you
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It's hard, very hard , to not quit and keep on trying . Even if the process of trying is killing you. You know why because one day you will realize you didn't quit, you kept on trying till the day; battle you were fighting ,lost from you.
#dark academia#emotions#chaotic academia#deep shit#mentally drained#mental health#anxiety#keep on trying#you are strong#believe yourself#sorry for being depressing#depressing post#i survived#i survived the day did you#self healing#happiness
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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You're kind of annoying but make some funny posts so I still follow you
don't?
#Did you want a thank-you??#You said I'm annoying but you *put up with it* cause I ocassionally entertain you#You understand that's a slap in the face right??#I'm not crawling on the floor begging for clicks out here#This blog is a hobby#I LIKE seeing people laugh#But I'd survive without it#Have a better day after this bruh#Idk what you're living like but this ain't it
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the sands of time slipping through our hands
#link click#shiguang dailiren#sgdlr#时光代理人#shi guang dai li ren#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#shiguang#lu guang x cheng xiaoshi#lc fanart#sgdlr fanart#fanart#my art#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#drawing#illustration#girl forget s3 or the ending of this arc I'm not surviving tomorrow#did you SEEE cxs dying in lg's arms in the ep 1 trailer??? no no no thank you haha you can have it actually I don't want it :)#edit: fixed the colors and lineart bc it was annoying me 👍
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when ur trying to kill ur soulmate but someone else got to her first #OshamirWeek Day Five: The Dark Side
#oshamir#oshamir week#idek how many days late i am lmao#qimir when she survives: who did dthis to you#he's lifting her torso telekinetically
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bro I’m sick bc ace dying in his arms was luffy’s biggest nightmare but dying in the arms of the person that he loved most / loved him most was probably the kindest Fate (under the circumstances) that he could have been given. luffy, the person he sacrificed himself for and would again and again and again and a million times over if he’d been given the chance bc there was no world he wanted to live in without his little brother alive and breathing, there with him at the end.
#I hate when ppl say that he died for nothing. in vain. that all those lives were wasted trying to save him#BRO. you DONT get it. it’s supposed to feel sickening#not everything gets a happy ending. sometimes people die for no reason. or they die protecting something they can’t save#but did save luffy in more ways than one. at marineford (idc what anyone says they never would have outrun akainu) and by being the push for#strong enough to protect his friends and strong enough to follow the dream ace would never see him achieve#in the hypothetical that ace survived and luffy didn’t. ace would never have lasted more than a few weeks. days.#or he would have survived just long enough to burn the whole world down#because luffy loving him was the reason he could love himself just enough to keep going.#and even tho he loved whitebeard and his crew there was nothing left for him in a world that didn’t have his brother in it#alas#ooopsie lots of tags !#portgas d ace#luffy#one piece
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#‘stop drawing aventurine blushing over nothing’ (DROPS TO MY KNEES) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#★ my art#art#honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#aventio#hsr dr ratio#ratiorine#hsr golden ratio#2.2 comes out at 6 for me ive been tweaking all day sorry if im scaring everybodh#i love drawing over my drawings but it makes that last text completely illegible#Oops?#★ arin rambles#just a little tho.#‘how did he get injured’ doin somethin stupid.#He probably fell in the shower#its just a hc i have that like. hes clumsy#yeah he survived attempting to shoot himself 3 times. but you know what he cant survive? his untied shoelaces#‘his shoes dont even have shoelaces!’ See thats why#cuz he keep trippin
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)
#ethubs#Ive wanted to draw ethubs angst for so many days but art block is still hitting hard and this thing has been sitting around for awhile#hey ethubers how did you. survive#last life ethubs upsets me so much make it end#The way after Bdubs dies Etho is trying to justify to himself not having given him a life to begin with rather than#telling him to prove himself#its like he expects the others who are with him to comment on it but they dont. Etho's all "I couldn't have just given it to him you know..#without them asking about it or anything. And Etho just keeps going. god damn it Etho I feel so bad for them#dont even get me started on what Bdubs said to G about Etho grrrr GRRRR I saw that for the first time not long ago GRRRRRR#I still wanna draw proper ethubs though. someday#also the damage to Bdubs' face is supposed to be from the rocket Lizzie shot#does it make sense? No probably not but its an excuse to make him look more dead#tubby art
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Tfw you (currently obsessed with ISAT who never plays pokemon) play a soul-link nuzlocke with a friend (in for a world of torment) and you can't pay attention to a health bar for the life of you nor remember what types are weak to what.
Spoiler under the cut :)
Guy how did you manage to un-evolve yourself
#siffrin isat#loop isat#pokemon#isat#in stars and time#art#fanart#yeah um. pokebeau did NOT survive. psychic bastards curse ye#i named the cofagrigus to be funny silly and friend was like 'you know those trap people and mummify them' and i balked#i saw that isa (machop) had an evolution with four hands and i squeaked#isa died and i died too#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#the sarcophogus looks like the king and house because they are Siffrin's eternal prison :)#id @ my friend but they havent finished yet nvfjdksn there's so much art i have to show them#tfw you make friends with a ghost type and they get really attached and guess what fucking happens#i thought cofagrigus looked so silly before drawing all this and now. i still think it looks silly#kitscribbles#he is coming out to hold hands for realsies :) he does that when you take turns holding each hand every day :) :)#just like try not to hold all four of them. you might get dragged in#you hold their left hand and their right hand and you give them your left foot and your right foot and oh you're being lifted the do o r is#Also runerigus is so so interesting. Horrific memories you say
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I think it says something that Jimmy absolutely destroyed the crew and ship in half the time Curly was captain. Like he couldn’t even get them past 2 full months before breaking down.
Like he really couldn’t be half the man he thought Curly was.
#like I think it’s crazy cause the whole trip from when we start the game is like 6 months#they are only six months into the trip post crash it’s why getting help was so futile#they had to survive another 6-7 with almost no resources sense most actual food resources where blocked off or destroyed#I see people saying they were surviving for six months after the crash or at least five but it’s only two#they were on the ship for 4 months before hand like the time frames we play are extremely small in retrospect#it’s like what 187 days when we get into the game? that’s about 6 months total#like I’m sorry this is also about peop saying Anya was liek 5 months pregnant but I think a big point is the assault just happened and Curly#didn’t react to it correct initially cause like have you seen someone whose 5 months pregnant? Anya is clearly not even with artistic l#liberty like 2 months is perfect because it’s literally like the time when you confirm the pregnancy is stable and can feel the first signs#of life which is why she was getting worse and worse cause it was getting to the point she couldn’t hide it from Swansea and Daisuke and Jim#he already knew but imagine him seeing her with a stomach? he’d lose it completely#it was just showing signs of life hence the ultrasound and horse fetus and the heart beat#like the minimum time is around 8-10 weeks which is two months like the two months is super intentional both in accordance to what he did#and the time before hand#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#nurse anya
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day 4: doomed by the narrative
#fgo#fate grand order#fate/grand order#lostbelt 6 spoilers#castoria#ritsuka fujimaru#gudako#gudacas#caster artoria#oberon#oberon fgo#minifemslashfeb2024#sorry todays piece did not pass the bechdel test#shakes my fist at oberon etc#not 100% happy with this as ive had a headache all day but we're surviving ^_^#ill do non fate related pieces for femslashfeb i Prommy#but its just. you know#kiki draws
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Tim can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.
He thought— the Tower was bad enough. He hates being kept out of the loop, especially for “his own protection”, but he never thought—
It is Robin who had been threatened. Robin that Batman had been taunted with. Enough times, and with grisly enough descriptions of what might happen to him, that Bruce sent Tim to the Titans as a last ditch effort to keep him well out of reach of Gotham and its newly minted crime lord.
But Hood took Bernard, and Tim can’t breathe. Can only stare at the grainy picture from an unknown number, showing his boyfriend tied up and gagged in someone’s— Hood’s, probably, oh god— bed.
Tim wants to throw up.
Please god, please no.
— sneak peek of “Modern Day Cain”
#the misunderstandings are STRONG in this one#Jason pls THINK about the placement of your hostage before sending ransom pics#you���re gonna give poor Tim a heart attack#meanwhile Bernard is having the time of his life because that’s RED HOOD and he’s soooo gonna use this opportunity to ask so many questions#nah sir he ain’t scared that’s HOOD#he protects innocent people#he must just be in a silly goofy mood#you think Tim survival instincts are nonexistent?#brace yourself for ‘imma become besties with a crime lord’ Bernard#meanwhile Jason: I did not plan this through did I#modern day Cain#jason todd#Bernard Dowd#Tim drake#TimBern#TimBer#tim drake x bernard dowd#batfamily#titans tower au#robin#red hood#sneak peek#fanfiction
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In watching more interviews with Liv about Van and the escalation of Van's pragmatism to such dark degrees, I find myself genuinely baffled that anyone could ever think Van the bad guy. I mean, I'm perplexed at finding ANY of these girls The Bad Guy. The bad guy is the situation. It's being lost. It's freezing. It's starving. It's being scraped down to the barest bone of being alive. They make choices that might be snippy, or cruel, or hard-headed, sure--Shauna refusing to just hash it out with Jackie; Jackie being too stubborn to come inside; Taissa refusing to discuss her situation plainly; etc--but by the time we reach the end of season 2, it doesn't even matter. Petty bullshit doesn't matter. Jealousy doesn't matter. Those things are still going to be present and complicated, because--for all their choices, for all the distancing they're trying to do--these kids ARE still human beings. But it isn't the point.
The point is survival. Plain, simple, straightforward. Van's pragmatism is survival. It is the difference between living another day with blood on your teeth or dying pretty. It is the difference between fighting forward through the fire and the snow and the hell of it all, and laying down to die. Van knowing, in watching the ritual violence of Shauna beating Lottie nearly the death, that they will be killing and eating one another soon. Van coming up with the cards for the hunt. Van not blinking when the moment comes, Van choosing a weapon that doubles as a tool to bring the body back, Van refusing to apologize for staying alive--it's not evil. It's not Bad Guy behavior. It's purely about survival, because there is nothing else left to her--or to any of them. They can play the pretty little Sweet Angel Girl game and die, or they can get dirty, bloody, horrific and fight. Van chooses the fight. Van chooses to fight for herself, for her lover, for her team, even knowing not everyone is going to make it out...because the alternate path there is that no one makes it out. Van knew the baby wouldn't live. Van knows the rest of them won't, either. Not unless they start making the hard choices.
And, honestly, the fact that Van sees this narrative coming. Comes up with this plan. Brings out the cards. To me, that is the opposite of Bad Behavior. That is as close to justice as anyone can find in the wilderness. If someone else came up with an idea, maybe it would have come down to voting--but that would have had such a human element to it, with bitterness or hostility or whatever ultimately petty shit always comes of humans selecting who to Other. The cards don't leave room for that. It isn't fair, because the situation isn't fair, because Man vs. Nature isn't fair, but it's as close to a just system as they could possibly find. It's the kindest solution to an unwinnable game. Not to bring it back to American Gods again, but all I can think is "it's easy, there's a trick to it: you do it, or you die." Van gave them that.
#yellowjackets#yj meta#van palmer#i simply cannot ever accept people blindly hating ANY of the girls for their actions at the end of S2#because by that point it's not about personality flaws or errors of judgement or teenage bullshit#it's survival. it's literally do or die.#be mad at the stuff they did the first few weeks out there. THAT was in their control.#but by the end of S2 it's 'do i want to live? cool. then this is the next step. there IS nothing else. we are eating belts.'#every once in a while on instagram or somewhere i see a hot take like 'oh this whole thing is THIS girl's fault'#and it's like no no. no--apart from misty busting the black box--NOTHING these girls do will change the fact of their situation#they might make it worse or make it more palatable but in the end#it's the purity of man vs. nature as a story#and any of them getting darker. more logical. more pragmatic. just means they're putting another day breathing first.#the human element of it comes in with the faith and the ritual and the acceptance of violence--but the violence was coming either way#'this place cannot be argued with. and that is how we survive: by giving into that.' exactly. liv hewson you genius. exactly.
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i love that the murder time trio all have dangerous little greetings. horror has his little hand drill thing. killer puts a knife up his sleeve and then does a little switcharoo. dust INSTINCTIVELY shoots whoever he sees with a bone. no greeting whatsoever. so just imagine how things go on a first meeting or whatever. immediately horror and killer have to dodge bones from dust and horror's like hey wtf man. mildly irritated but he just met these guys so he's willing to forgive. he's not gonna lose his cool in front of these two random ass guys even though one just tried to kill him. killer just has that dumbass smile on his face like always (but he was intrigued when dust did that. like who tries to kill someone on first sight?? he's curious now :3)
and then theyre all just standing together and staring for a moment and horror sticks out his hand. killer takes the bait but then he just points a knife to horror's stolen eye once he realizes that he got duped and his other hand is now currently being drilled into. dust didn't shake either of their hands because he could see the drill and tell that killer had something off about him in general. but he does give a tiny smile when he sees the state that the two r in rn with the drill and knife. it's an eensy bit funny in his eyes
least violent mtt interaction
#overall?? first good impression on all their parts#except horror because he doesn't like to get threatened or risk dying#but he gets over it (he never does)#i'm at that stage of mtt fan where i cant afford to ignore phantom paps anymore and leave him out from the hc#immediately once dust saw the other two paps commented on how ugly they were#dust must have the strength of fucking Hercules or something because like#phantom papyrus probably drops some of the most hilarious bangers that only he can hear and he just CANNOT laugh or else he'll look dumb#i wouldnt last a day in dusts shoes if phantom paps said shit like that. i'd die of holding back laughter#how many off hand comments does paps make he just has to let out his laughs in private#violence is sooooo funny to them they wish they could throw the other 2 into a volcano#triglycercule will you ever run out of mtt ideas??? i dunno......#as long as im alive i can find a way to make my life about the mtt#this post was written august 22 still a peak idea tho LMAO#the phantom papyrus making outrageous comments thingy is funny enough to be its own post HOLD ON LMAO#listen this didnt happen in my mtt fic LITERALLY about them meeting but it did in another universe TRUST TRUST TRUST#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#i'm so eepy....... i need to stay awake................#still have 70 soon to be 71 drafts left in my loaded gun we WILL survive through the winter if i eat one draft every day
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What a lovely day to love Felix 💜🦚
#I love everything about him#His cute little face of course#The realistic yet different portrayal of what it means to survive child abuse#How ridiculously intelligent he is#His descent into (what is functionally) villainy for (someone who is functionally) his brother#His redemption arc of course. Don’t you love that they did that?#The DRAMA of it all#The trope and symbolism subversion#The purple and blue the birdness of it all#His resilience his capacity to think on his feet. His impact on the plot#The fact that he’s a theatre and mythology nerd#His obvious queerness his obvious neurodivergence#How he was created from jealousy but is primarily defined by LOVE#How much he loves Adrien#How much he loves his mum#How much he loves Duusu#How much he loves Red Moon#How much he loves his GIRLFRIEND#FELIGAMI#Man what a day to have the best taste in the world and the most braincells and be right about everything ever. 💜🦚#miraculous ladybug#felix graham de vanily
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