#i sure am experiencing emotions!

[salemoleander]

I have a longer thing I'm trying to type up about Hank Green having cancer and the impact he's had on my life but like. I really cannot be eloquent rn

Everything I've done artistically AND professionally for the past 10 years, and knowing 80-90% of the people I love, are directly attributable to the community he created and how it changed the trajectory of my life. I do not know how to process that.

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[st-highwind]

Saw this and also wanted to share here one of the big reasons I never replayed ffxv

[tapakah0]

I HAVE NO IDEA IF I'M FITTING FOR THIS I HAVE 0 PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT EXPERIENCE?? I MEAN I AM READY TO DO SOMETHING IF I CAN DO IT BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT I REALLY CAN DO SOMETHING FOR IT I HAVE TIME, ENOUGH TIME, I DON'T NEED MONEY, BUT I'M JUST SCARED THAT IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT DUE TO THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE AND LACK IN A LOT OF THINGS I AM AN ENJOYER OF THIS SERIES, NOT A CREATOR, I AM EXITED TO SEE THINGS FOR IT, I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS GOOD OF ME TO GET INSIDE OF IT LIKE THIS

[yoosung-ah]

this you?

[queen0fm0nsterz]

A few days ago I went to visit my grandpa, as I haven't seen him in a few months.

He's on his death bed; his time is fast approaching. I saw it in his eyes. They looked glassy.

My father warned me that it wouldn't have been pretty to see him like that. I wasn't expecting it to be. He's been sick a while and my dad has been taking care of him almost entirely by himself, so I knew it wasn't gonna be nice. Though I'll say, seeing my boisterous, larger-than-life grandfather reduced to the shadow of a man left a bitter taste in my mouth - and tears in my eyes. Still I did not cry. I didn't want grandpa to see me, just in case. I realized that he wouldn't have been able to see me anyway: he looked almost lost in thought. Completely out of it. All he could do was hold his face in his hands, too weak to even roll over.

He didn't respond to my dad when he called for him, nor did he acknowledge my presence initially. My dad glossed over it. Apparently he's not been able to recognise my dad for a few days now. Still, I could have sworn I heard my grandpa mutter his name a few times.

After a while, something happened. Grandpa took his hands off his face and glanced around. Then he looked at me. I cocked my head to the side and said hi. His eyes went wide when I smiled at him. He smiled back. Half hearted, strained, but it was there, and I was so relieved. My dad was wrong; he recognised me. He knew I was there and that I came to say goodbye. I extended my hand towards his own over the bed. He was far away, I thought had to lean in, but I didn't need to. He reached out first. His hand was shaking, purplish in color, but it held mine like it was his last lifeline.

For some reason, this reminded me of something. From times when grandpa wasn't sick, and I heard him talking to my dad over the phone. My dad is a 60 year old man: and still, before hanging up, my grandpa always told him, "A dopo amore." ("Later love"; in Italy, parents oftenly refer to their children as "love"). Because he's still his father's love, even at 60 years old. Me and my sister were also given the same nickname by grandpa, and even as he was fading away, I was still his "love". I felt it in the way he held my hand.

That's how I wanna remember him. So I won't be going to see him again, nor will I look back. I left him with that.

A dopo, amore.

[glassrunner]

arcane s2 has really really bad pacing ngl. i know that it’s because this is the last season and im sure riot had so much more storyboarded out that we will unfortunately never see come to fruition, but how rushed the timeline is is just inescapable and jarring for me sadly

[sourkitsch]

Trying to remember that now that my boss is back from medical leave that her going “come see me after your break I’d love to chat with you!!” Is a Good Thing because she likes me A Lot and is not in fact anything bad just because one part of my life has fallen apart recently

[pocketramblr]

All my manifesting of AFO having the most saddest, most meow meowest backstory have come true.

It's very "poor" and "meow meow" but I'm trying to figure out if it's "sad", exactly

[jackals-ships]

thinking abt the last line and holding up saturn as "flip flops like. Fully. closer to fully" vs dog "still primarily knife emojis but also im f. im f 🤢 im FOND. 🤢 of you"

anyways the first time dog sleepily says I love you i think sati DOES almost have a heart attack send tweet-

[scorittanius]

hm i think i may need to go back on antidepressants, i haven't felt anything proper in a while other than severe bitterness for my bitch ex-father and a bit of self loathing. even then they didn't really do anything but taste like 30yo moldy lime peel coated in acrylic paint so idk

[vulpinesaint]

sorry thinking about how i wrote an entirely lovecraft themed poem about transgenderism for my beginning creative writing class last semester and one single person besides the professor in that room full of english majors recognized that it was referencing lovecraft. i do not mean this in a way that shames people for not having read stuff or for not having the means to read stuff. but oh my god guys does anyone who is getting a higher level education in literature even look at the literary sources of common phenomena in media nowadays

[choking-on-roses]

It deeply bothers me that nobody in my life ever responds to messages from me and they often leave me on read even when I'm talking about something really important

On the other hand it leads to some pretty hilarious conversations when days later I send a meme

[orcelito]

I feel like I am. Transcending.

[sapsolais]

,

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

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