#i suppose with so much of fanfics total lack of understanding of people or relationships and not even bothering to think about it in relato

[playingonedchess]

really i dont see how fanfiction even manages to totally lack themes so often cause its not like you have to put them in intentionally they literally just come into existence as a result of writing a story which you use your mind to think about at all because they are literally just ideas about things

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[binaryeclipse]

2021 fic review

Thank you so much @anakinspraisekink, my dear!

✨ total number of completed works: 18 total / 6 for 2021

✨ total word count: 131,830 total / 94,684 for 2021

✨ looking back did you write more, less, or the expected amount of fic this year?: I wish I had been able to write more, and I suppose I have, there's a lot that's sitting in my google docs unfinished. There was a lot preventing me from writing more, both good (spending time with my girlfriend) and bad (not having a lot of free time and my depression being all over the place). I'm choosing to be positive, that I managed to share at least six stories, that's more than I ever had before.

✨ your own favourite story of this year?: I'm going to go with a completed story and say Light Up The Trenches Where My Heart Lies because it's my first multi-chapter fic and it means something really important to me. I did a lot of healing with this fic upon reflection and in a way, it's sort of indicative of the year I've had.

✨ did you take any writing risks this year?: Oh god yeah. I wrote two fics with heavy use of a conlang which immediately alienated some readers (including one who gave me a piece of their mind on that front) and I wrote three fics that were really squicky and featured some extremely niche kinks.

✨ do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?: I actually wrote about them in this post!

✨ most popular story of the year?: Light Up The Trenches Where My Heart Lies is the most popular overall for fics finished this year but for a fic that was wholly published in 2021 that belongs to kick at the darkness (until it bleeds daylight)

✨ story most underappreciated?: A Place Where We Are Both Named Love but that makes sense because it's a Modern AU, established relationship and it features some harder elements of BDSM than some people are comfortable reading. Not everyone likes caning 😂

✨ most fun to write?: Experiments in Oracular Ecstasy, my beloved.

✨ most unintentionally telling story?: Light Up The Trenches Where My Heart Lies, but I've been pretty open about how this fic is me processing my own trauma lol

✨ biggest disappointment?: When I re-read Poikilothermic I keep thinking about what I would have done differently, and there are definitely some choices I made in that fic that I would have tweaked had I sat on it for longer rather than wanting to get something out. I think it's probably my weakest writing of everything I produced this year. I'm also a bit disappointed by the lack of attention to A Place Where We Are Both Named Love but I also understand why there is a lack of attention lol.

✨ biggest surprise?: I wrote Experiments in Oracular Ecstasy in a single day and I think it's one of the stronger things I've written? Wild.

✨ my favourite part of fandom this year?: I've made some really wonderful friends and I'm trying to interact with even more people on tumblr than just staying isolated to my small group and everyone's been very kind and wonderful and I've never been this involved in fandom before, not in this way at least. Everyone is so creative and that makes the act of creation very engaging. 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

Tagging: @elysian-prince, @obiwanobi, @rynae-reblogs, @jasontoddiefor, @artemisthehuntress, @tragicallyham, @twilightofthe, @obi-wkenobi, whoever else wants to I see you there, please tell me about your writing!

[forcebook]

Venji has always been endgame: Benji’s attraction to Victor

the first thing I really need people to understand is that Benji is not watching the show, he’s not seeing things through Victor’s point of view, and for the most part of the season he has no idea Victor is struggling with his sexuality. from Benji’s point of view, Victor is straight and into Mia. that’s how I’m going to be analyzing his thoughts and actions (well, guessing mostly because he does lack screen time and insight moments. hopefully we’ll get more of him in season two!!)

btw I’m gonna break it down episode by episode because I’m insane (and I also feel strangely connected to Benji so don’t @ me)

Episode 1 - Welcome to Creekwood

as I’ve mentioned before, you can interpret Benji’s “nice shoes!” line as interest. but even if you’re not willing to do that, I still think it’s valid to consider that he might’ve felt some kind of immediate connection to Victor (if episodes 2 and 3 are any indication of that. and the Call Me Maybe lyrics).

Episode 2 - Stoplight Party

the “Benji attempts to teach Victor how to make a espresso” scene is very much about Victor’s attraction to Benji so I don’t wanna look too much into it. also Benji comes off as (at least for me!) a very attentive and loving person, so his dedication to teaching Victor felt very genuine. but still like...... he did get lost in Victor’s eyes for a moment before the milk spilled akdjksdjjs

then at the end of the episode Benji calls Victor late at night (he even apologizes for that) when he could’ve called Victor at any other time or could’ve just told him at school. and well, (I may be reaching here but headcanons are always good!!) I like to believe Benji couldn’t stop thinking about Victor, which is why he decided to call. for some unknown reason he already feels connected to Victor and wanted to hear his voice and—

let me stop here before I write a whole fanfic because that’s not the purpose of this post.

Episode 3 - Battle of the Bands

oh boy, I’m gonna try to unpack this episode, hopefully I’ll make some sense. I’m very sorry if I fail!

so, Victor and Benji have the Call Me Maybe (cutest) moment, in which Victor tells Benji that he’s going on a date with Mia the next day.

Now. I need you to remember that Victor explicitly told Benji that he and Mia wouldn’t go to the Battle of the Bands and that Benji had already performed when Victor got there and only performed again because his band won the battle (so I’m pretty sure Victor wasn’t supposed to hear the Call Me Maybe cover). therefore this wasn’t Benji confessing his feelings to Victor. if anything, I believe it was his way of dealing with the intense and ever-growing feelings that he has for Victor through his biggest passion (music), pretty much like making a reference to something that you know no one else will understand (since for everyone else it’s just a Carly Rae Jepsen bop).

but then Victor eventually shows up and hears Benji singing Call Me Maybe and for him it’s definitely not just a Carly Rae Jepsen bop anymore. it’s their song

after the performance, it looks like Benji is going to talk to him about it, maybe to try and make it seem like it’s no big deal (since he thinks Victor is into Mia, and he himself is in a long term relationship) but Derek appears and we’re all left heartbroken (Simon & his friends included).

what I’m trying to say is: they are two halves of the same idiot. while Victor is in denial of his sexuality and attraction to Benji, Benji is in denial of his growing feelings for Victor. we love this denial duo

Episode 4 - The Truth Hurts

not much to say about this one BUT. at the beginning of the episode you can see how Victor and Benji are working totally in sync, to the point where they barely need words like the freaking soulmates that they are. honestly, I’m done pretending they aren’t soulmates because this show just kept shoving that into our faces over and over and if you failed to see it then it’s not my problem (or maybe it is since I’m literally spending my time trying to explain exactly that. but I just care too much about these two and I want people to understand why).

then Derek calls and Benji picks up lovingly because he’s a loving person and a caring boyfriend and even though he might be struggling with his feelings for Victor, he’s not about to neglect his boyfriend (shame we can’t say the same thing about Derek) (no I will not stop throwing shade at him).

Episode 5 - Sweet Sixteen

I could try and say several things about this one but for real, BENJI DREW VICTOR AND GAVE HIM THE DRAWING AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT. like! this stupidly artistic boy!!!!!!!!! this stupidly caring boy!!!!!!!!! he could’ve bought Victor literally anything or not even bothered to think of a gift At All, but he took the time to DRAW VICTOR LIKE ONE OF HIS FRENCH BOYS!!!!! what am I supposed to do with this knowledge!!!!

now I’m imagining Benji observing Victor. the way the light hits his face, how his shoulders move, the shape of his hands....... all the while telling himself it’s just to draw Victor!!!!! but that’s still beautiful and frankly thirsty nonetheless.

p.s I was robbed of a scene like that.

Episode 6 - Creekwood Nights

not much to say about this one except the show blatantly telling us that Derek can be real shitty sometimes. also, I wanna talk about Venji’s dynamics throughout the show so bad but it deserves a post of its own so I’m gonna hold my tongue.

Episode 7 - What Happens In Willacoochee

(stays in Willacoochee or maybe it will haunt your gay ass all the way to New York).

oh boy, this is where shit starts going down for real.

so Victor kisses Benji. I’m not going to defend Victor because what he did was reckless and dumb and frankly disrespectful. but I need to say that it was going to happen sooner or later because when you repress something too hard and for too long, it’s bound to come back with full force and explode in your face. I really wish it was in a different circumstance, of course, but also life isn’t always made of perfect situations and shit happens. (and nope, that does not excuse Victor’s actions).

now think about Benji. he’s been struggling with his feelings for Victor, who as far as he knows is straight and in a relationship, and then suddenly Victor kisses him. my best guess (due to his reaction to Victor’s speech in episode 10) is that he thinks Victor isn’t being serious about it, that in no moment that kiss meant anything but curiosity and recklessness, when they both have people to lose (again, he doesn’t know that Victor struggles with his sexuality, much less that Victor has feelings for him).

so yeah, I believe Benji was upset, not only with Victor though, but with himself.

(I’ll come back to this in a second)

no Benji in episode 8 so.......

Episode 9 - Who The Hell Is B

Benji decides to leave the coffee shop. Victor tells him that the kiss wasn’t his fault and Benji says that being around Victor makes him feel guilty, now why is that?

firstly because he’s not a psychopath and the fact that he cheated on Derek makes him feel guilty. but I do believe that that’s not the only thing that makes him feel guilty. deep down he liked kissing Victor. he likes Victor, he’s been doing his best to keep that buried but Victor had to go and complicate things, so now the only way to avoid making a bigger mess is staying as far away as possible from each other. so he runs back to the safety of his relationship with Derek.

(listen, I know the show makes it seem like Benji is super angry and wants nothing to do with Victor but I don’t believe that’s the case. he’s upset and feeling guilty for liking someone else, denial does make you act very hostile sometimes).

Episode 10 - Spring Fling

Benji’s denial continues but (thankfully) it won’t last much longer.

he goes to the bathroom and tells Victor that he’s read his letter and that he does forgive him for kissing him but that that doesn’t change anything, that it’s best for them to stay away from each other.

that’s until he hears Victor’s speech to Derek (which was more to Benji than Derek so). that’s the moment he realizes that Victor actually likes him, that the kiss as cursed as it was had meant something, that they both feel exactly the same thing. that’s what gives him courage to finally accept that he can’t be with Derek anymore because his heart belongs to someone else. (has belonged to Victor from the moment they met) akdjskdjsj someone please tell me to shut up

which leads us to the bench kiss(es) scene. now, these boys are a whole mess because Victor was still technically dating Mia (he did try to come out to her before, couldn’t do it so he decided to come out after the Spring Fling) (good intention, poor execution).

But I also believe this was just lazy writing and they wanted to have a scene where Mia catches Victor and Benji together. it could’ve been done better, they could’ve been just touching foreheads or something but they wanted the full drama so the kiss(es) happened. I’m taking 50 points away from the writers for this. (also does not excuse Victor or Benji since they literally met halfway. these idiots are so in love wtf!)

(I still love them though, and hope they do better in the future, for themselves and for each other).

anyway, I think that’s it! if you read up until this point: thank you so much!!!! I tried my best to understand and explain Benji since the show said fuck Benji stans. hope this helps!

— love, MJ

[alixanonymous]

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 3: An Acceptance Of Sorts

From:Marinette.D.C.@email.com

To:DoWhatISay@email.com

Date:November 3, 2021 4:30 P.M.

Subject: RE: An Apology

Dear Damian,

Thank you for the apology. It may have been rather short and you might not have plainly admitted that you did in fact blackmail me but for some reason I don’t think you’re being insincere. For once I think a lack of flowery words did you a favor. I wouldn’t have believed them. 

However before I even consider helping you, I have a question for you. If your family wants to send you away, why are you so desperate to stay? You said that they’re concerned about your lack of people skills which I can honestly understand based off just your first email but is it really so bad that they’d send you away? I meant it when I said that I’m done giving my work to people who don’t deserve the time and effort I put into my pieces. I just want to make sure you’re not forced to buy people’s affections, especially your family’s. I had a friend once… let’s just say his father wasn’t the best. 

I hope I’m not projecting my own experiences on you. It’s just taken me a long time to figure out what the difference is between doing someone a favor and being exploited. I don’t necessarily think that’s the case here though. You don’t strike me as the type of person who’d let themself be exploited. I guess I just want to know more about your situation because you already know so much about mine.

- Marinette

P.S. I’m sorry too for calling you immature. That apology alone means that you’re more mature than most of my classmates. Everything else in the email still stands though. 

From:DoWhatISay@email.com

To:Marinette.D.C.@email.com

Date:November 3, 2021 1:15 P.M.

Subject: You’re Too Naive For Your Own Good

Dear Marinette,

You should really be more careful when dealing with strangers, especially if the first time they ever make contact is to blackmail you. I mean really, I apologize and now instead of merely accepting, you also wish to know where I’m being mistreated by my family. You seem like you’d be the perfect target for online scammers. I can see how easy it would be for people to exploit your kindness. I’m not going to.

I should also take the time to point out that you shouldn’t believe everything you read. I mean yes, I was telling the truth: my father will send me away if I don’t succeed in greeting the right gifts  but that could’ve easily been a fabricated story to mislead you. 

Now, to answer your question. Why I want to stay is quite simple. I may lack sociality but that does not mean I am unfeeling. I like it here. I have no wish to be parted from my father and would like the opportunity to continue to make him proud. I have animals I don’t trust to be properly taken care of without me. Even though they test me, my idiot brothers have sometimes been helpful in teaching me some things. The idea of having to start the last seven years over from scratch simply because I have no desire to interact with the frustratingly difficult people around me does not attract me in the least.

I apologize. It seems like I got a bit far off from what you were really asking. I suppose it would help to give you a bit of backstory. My upbringing was unconventional to put it lightly. I was raised by my mother for the first ten years of my life and she’s the only family member I can honestly say exploits me. My father and brothers have helped me to see how truly bad her view on life was but it doesn’t change the fact that she raised me. I think the more trouble I have with my peers, the more they worry about how I’m adjusting to their way of life. In a way I can see why they would think sending me away would be good for me. I’d be part of a group that came from backgrounds at least in the realm of mine I suppose.

 However, like I said before leaving holds no appeal to me. A month ago I got into another altercation with a classmate of mine and father decided that was the last straw. When I asked what I could do to avoid being sent away, he said I needed to put a legitimate effort into my relationships with the people around me. When I asked for an example, he proposed that I get my brothers “thoughtful gifts for Christmas.” I accepted the chance to stay and here we are. 

I hope that satisfied your request and await your next move.

- Damian W.

Postscript: Rest assured, you will never get any “flowery” words from me.

From:Marinette.D.C.@email.com

To:DoWhatISay@email.com

Date:November 3, 2021 9:00 P.M.

Subject: Here’s What’s Going To Happen

Dear Damian,

I am going to make your brothers their dream sweaters/jackets, you’re going to pay me half the total upfront so that I can get the materials and rest assured knowing you’re not a internet scammers :), and your family is going to see the lengths you’re willing to go to stay with them. Sounds good?

Now, in your apology email you mentioned some “resources” that could help me with my class situation. Let’s shelve that for now. I was actually thinking about our emails and I realized something. In my first email to you I did something I haven’t done in years. I stood up for myself, and it worked! I mean you, Mr. It Was Totally Blackmailing But I Can’t Just Admit It Was Blackmailing, apologized! 

You said it yourself: I’m too naive and you assume too much. I think we’d make a good team. I want you to teach me how I can handle my classmates on my own terms and well if I already got an apology out of you, maybe I can help you learn some people skills. Believe it or not, before I put too much trust in the wrong people I had quite a few really good friends. I was even class president… 

It actually works out pretty well: I’ll help you stay in your good situation with your family and you’ll help me change my bad one with my class. What do you say?

I’m looking forward to your reply!

- Marinette   

P.S. Did you really spell out postscript just so you could prove you know what it means?

Fun fact about me: I hate formatting! I love writing but it’s really anti-climatic to finish writing a chapter you’re really proud of and then having to take the time to make it look good. Editing is easy, formatting is a special kind of torture. On a completely unrelated note: that’s it for now.  I’ll post the rest of what’s already available on AO3 tomorrow (hopefully if my week-and-counting-long headache allows it). If any one reading this wants to know about the next update on AO3, I can tell you this: I’ve written what I hope is more than half, maybe even two-thirds of it. I can say with pretty good certainty that it will be out in probably the next few days, if not the next week. Okay, bye for now!

Master List

[poisonivy7]

Kyalin #1: Izumi’s Genius Plan

Here’s a prompt I got from @/anonymous: Izumi being frustrated with her besties not confessing their love with each other so she basically locks them up in a closet until they talk about their feelings.

I know it’s a bit long, but I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys like it! Feel free to comment some more kyalin fanfic prompts (or any other ships from my previous post).

----------

24-year-old Kya and 29-year-old Izumi were sitting by the pond, eating lunch together while watching the turtle ducks swim around. They met every Sunday to catch up — it was their tradition going three years strong. Lately, Izumi noticed that Kya would not shut up about her big fat crush on Lin. She was all Kya would talk about. 

“Why don’t you just ask her out?” Izumi finally asked her best friend. 

“Are you crazy? Lin is dating my younger brother, and she is probably the straightest person I’ve ever met. And anyway, I don’t want to ruin our friendship just because I caught feelings,” Kya responded, chuckling. Just the thought of asking Lin Beifong out on a date was ridiculous. 

Izumi sighed disappointedly. Little did Kya know, Lin had confessed her feelings for the older water bender drunkenly a few days ago at the bar. It was the last place anyone would expect to find the Fire Nation princess, but it was Lin’s birthday, and having a break from the regular servants serving upper-class food in the palace was refreshing. 

Izumi could remember that night at the bar with Lin with relative ease (considering Izumi was a bit drunk herself):

“You know what it feels like to be in love with someone you’re not supposed to?…Hurts like a bitch.” Lin winced as she downed the rest of the whiskey in her glass. She motioned to the bartender to get her fifth refill of the night.

“I thought Tenzin’s parents and your mom approve of your guys’ relationship,” Izumi asked, confused.

Lin chuckled drunkenly. “I can’t believe I tried to convince myself that I loved Tenzin when his sister was there the whole time.” Izumi just got even more perplexed.

Seeing the look of confusion on her friend’s face, Lin clarified, “I have a little crush on Kya, but there’s no way she likes me back. I mean, yes, she’s gorgeous, and whenever she’s water bending or laughing or breathing, it’s the hottest thing ever. But she’s also totally out of my league, and she probably picks up so many girls everywhere she goes. Anyway, it’s nothing I can’t get over. So it’s not even a big deal, right?” she rambled as she drank her whiskey, pain searing down her throat. Lin was surprisingly transparent when she was drunk.

The idea of playing matchmaker to her two best friends was so exciting to Izumi. It was a nice break from her regular princess duties. So as she was walking through the halls of the palace for a late-night snack, she came up with the perfect idea. 

Izumi’s birthday party was a week later. She invited her childhood friends every year — Bumi, Kya, Tenzin, Lin, and Su. This year was no exception, even if she was turning the big 3-0. Izumi noticed how Lin would steal small looks at Kya when she wasn’t paying attention. Kya tried getting closer to Lin whenever she could, but it made the situation more awkward, especially because Tenzin was sitting next to Lin. Izumi just wanted to see her friends happy, and witnessing the interactions between them, or lack thereof, was just depressing.

After eating dinner, everyone made their way to the big theatre room to watch a movie. After Bumi and Tenzin managed to stop arguing over what movie they should watch, everyone settled down in the comfortable chairs as the film began playing. Izumi was sitting in between Lin and Kya, but Lin had left to use the bathroom. This was Izumi’s chance to get her best friends to finally confess their feelings for each other.

The Fire Nation princess turned to Kya. “Hey, can you go down to the basement with me to get some blankets? It’s a bit cold here.” 

Kya sighed. She never understood how people got cold so easily. “Yeah, sure thing,” she said.

Izumi led Kya out of the movie theatre room. Once they arrived at the basement door, Izumi noticed that Lin had just left the bathroom that was a few doors down. The timing could not have been any more perfect.

As Kya was going down the stairs, Izumi ran down the hall and found Lin making her way back to the movie theatre. “Hey, Lin! Can you help me get some blankets from the basement?” The metal bender nodded in response and followed Izumi. 

As soon as Lin went down the stairs and saw Kya, Izumi shut the door and locked it. Both Kya and Lin ran back up the stairs, frantically. “Izumi! I don’t know what prank you’re pulling, but this isn’t funny! Unlock the door now!” they demanded.

Izumi laughed. “Not until you guys figure things out!”

Lin tried metal bending the door to unlock it, but it failed since the doorknob was made of platinum. Kya tried freezing the doorknob off, but there was barely any water in the basement to use. “Spirits, I’m going to kill Izumi,” Lin groaned. The last thing she wanted to do was be stuck in a room with Kya. Lin had wondered how Izumi knew that she liked Kya, but she would not have been surprised if she let it slip drunkenly some night. This is why she preferred drinking alone.

They eventually gave up trying to open the door and sat across from each other on the carpeted floor. After a few awkward minutes of silence, Kya started, “So…How are you and Tenzin?”

“Fine,” Lin replied curtly. She hated this so much. She was dating Tenzin, and she did not need their relationship to get messed up just because of a little crush on her boyfriend’s sister.

“You know…if we’re going to have to be stuck in a room together until Izumi lets us out, we might as well make the best of it,” Kya said slyly, sliding herself closer to Lin. The metal bender was sitting rigidly and cross-legged, her arms folded tightly in front of her. She was determined not to give in to her no matter what.

But the moment Kya got close enough to Lin to touch her knee, she almost immediately loosened up, but she caught herself before she could show it. She remained stubbornly rigid sitting against the wall, but inside, all Lin wanted was to feel more of Kya’s touch.

“Is this okay?” Kya asked softly as her delicate hands stayed on the metal bender’s knee, rubbing the scar that had formed there. She looked at Lin innocently, waiting for a response. 

Lin didn’t say a word — she was conflicted. On one hand, she had been with Tenzin for years, and both his parents and her mom were all too happy that they had gotten together. And although her boyfriend was getting uncomfortably close to that air acolyte, Pema, Lin was not going to mess their relationship up.

But on the other hand, there was Kya. Though she hated to admit it, Lin liked everything about her childhood friend. She loved Kya’s goofy, bold personality and her laugh that could light up the whole room in an instant. She loved how soft and caring she was and how badass and powerful she was as a water bender. She loved her long brown hair and bright blue eyes. Spirits, Lin loved every little part of Kya.

So Lin remained seated, back against the wall, conflicted. Kya made her love living, even if it just meant being in the same room as her and sneaking looks every now and then. 

But her relationship with Tenzin was decades in the making, and their parents could not be any happier that they were together. Being with Kya was most definitely scandalous, and the press would eat them alive. Lin could already imagine it: “Lin Beifong, daughter of the Chief of Police, caught kissing Kya, daughter of the Avatar.” The last thing Lin wanted was to be on the front cover of the daily news and to drag Kya, her mom, and the Avatar into it.

Lin had been thinking so much that she barely noticed Kya had moved her hand up to Lin’s face and the scars on her cheek. The older water bender was being unusually bold tonight, but she had been crushing on Lin since they were teenagers, and she could not hold back at this point. 

Lin never let anyone touch her newly-acquired scars, but she felt safe with Kya, and she felt like she could finally let her guard down. Lin’s face was burning red under Kya’s soft touch, and the water bender smirked at how flustered the stubborn metal bender was getting.

“Hmm?” Kya asked softly, still waiting on Lin’s answer to her previous question. She continued gently rubbing Lin’s cheek and making circles with her thumb on Lin’s scars.

“I-“ Lin managed to say, her face getting increasingly warm. Kya smiled and slowly kissed Lin, who, surprisingly, did not immediately push back. 

As Kya was pulling back, Lin pulled Kya’s face closer with her calloused right hand and kissed the water bender again, this time deepening this kiss, smiling as Kya moaned softly. After kissing for a few minutes, Kya straddled around Lin’s legs, the two of them pulled back, breathless. “Damn Beifong, now I really understand why Tenzin likes you so much,” Kya said, smirking. Lin rolled her eyes in response. 

It was then that Lin realized that being with Kya was worth it. She was worth breaking up with Tenzin for and disappointing Lin’s mom and Kya’s parents. She was worth being deemed “deviant” and “scandalous” on the front cover of the daily news for. She was worth risking her position in the police academy for. Kya was worth all the pain and hurt in the world.

“So um…I kinda like you,” Kya said, blushing.

Lin chuckled. “Yeah, I could tell, you dork.” She smiled and added, “I kinda like you too.” She moved forward to kiss Kya again, her muscular arms wrapped around the water bender’s waist. Leave it to Izumi to play matchmaker and concoct such a genius plan.

[goldeneyedgirl]

2020 Fic Meme

It happens every year like clockwork. The Fic Round-Up Meme. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it this year because I’ve written so much. As usual, compiled from ancient Livejournal fic memes. I like doing it as kind of a time capsule of my writing. If anyone else wants to take a crack, feel free. I love reading writers’ throughs on their own work. <3 No tagging because that is PRESSURE. 

Twilight

12 Days of Fic-Mas (Twilight, WIP) Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 + Christmas Eve Twelve days of fic extracts, previews, and drabbles focusing on Alice Cullen and Jess/Jasper Hale: Anathema, the KidFic, Married in Vegas, Daemons, Memento Vivere, Human Alice Kills James, Jess and Alice do Prom, Forgotten, Vampires in Vegas, Shadow to Light Missing Scene, Hybrid, Cowboys and Angel Solstice, and All These Broken Things

Afterglow (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G)  There were three things of which she was certain. The first was that her name was Alice. The second was that she was born an angel. And three, she was getting ready to die.

Against a Wall (Alice/Jasper, Human/Vampire AU, Romance, Angst, PG) If you asked anyone with the surname ‘Whitlock’, they’d tell you that the family was cursed. It was the Whitlock Curse to blame the day the bank took the ranch away from Jasper’s own father.      

And Found (Alice/Jasper, Soulmark AU, Romance, PG) The soul mark appears when Alice is six. It is a twisted ribbon of a mark, from the inside of her left elbow, up her arm, over her shoulder, along her clavicle, over her right shoulder and down to her right wrist. What ugly, soulless individual could inspire such a mark?

Jar of Hearts Pt 1 Pt 2 (WIP) (Alice, Emmett, Seth, MCU xover, Angst, PG) The snap came for everyone - “He said he’d never leave me,” she says in a wobbly voice. “He promised me.”“It wasn’t by choice,” Emmett rushes to tell her. “You were his last thought; he tried so hard to get home before he…”

Never a Question (Alice/Jasper, AU, Angst, G)  Carlisle is quite sure that he’s watching his son’s heart break into a million pieces as he stares at his human mate, slowly dying alone, not a single person allowed to hold her hand.

Hand in Hand (Alice/Jasper, AU, Fluff, G)  “Never,” he swears, pressing a kiss to her cheek that makes her beam -  “There’s not a single moment I can think of that cannot be improved by your presence, darlin’.”

Love & Duty (Alice/Jasper, AU, Romance, G)  A trainee witch is sent to treat a wounded cowboy from her brother coven. 

Shadow to Light (WIP) (Alice/Jasper, AU Angst, PG) In 1918, Jasper lures the newborn known as Mary-Alice back to Monterrey. He is lost to her before it even begins. (Ch 6-8)

The Way of Things (Alice/Jasper, AU, Drama, M)  She truly doesn’t know what comes next. He truly doesn’t know if it will be good or bad. They will live this life for as long as it lasts, long may it last, surrounded by the people they love and trust. 

What You Say (Alice/Jessamine, Canon, Angst, M)  Edward might have thought Aro was their reckoning, but Alice knows for her, it is Jessamine’s hurt.

Total number of completed stories: ELEVEN. 

Total word count: 90,155 words were formally posted - not including snippets, previews (aside from FicMas) or anything that was shared on the Discord server. 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I fucking nailed it. Like, seriously. THREE chapters of Shadow to Light? Every single day of JaliceWeek AND FicMas? I mean, I think the lockdown definitely helped with free time, and not going to lie, the iOS shutdown of Fortnite probably assisted my productivity. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The Discord has so much to answer for. I wrote porn. Like, what. What. What. What. I find this bizarre and did not have ‘let’s just go full NC17 in 2020′ on my bingo card, but it happened. In fact, 2019 Lexie has just gone full spit-take and yelled, “WHAT?!” at the top of her lungs. 

And to make it more surprising, it’s both het and f/f porn. Like, mind-blown. Who am I anymore?

What’s your own favourite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? The Way of Things, What You Say, And Found, & Afterglow. All fics that came together really well, that felt like *me*, and had hopeful endings. I’m really proud of them. 

STL doesn’t get an opportunity to be apart of this til it’s finished. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? The porn. 

Apparently, I can write it. Who knew? 

I definitely threw caution to the wind with JaliceWeek and just went for whatever crossed my mind and stopped worrying so much. Like, whatever, this is what I want to write so I will. I mean, the MCU crossover is happening in a slightly more obscure way than I initially envisaged it, it’s definitely a better fic for it.

I joined the Discord, and that’s been amazing. I’ve spent my last few fandoms existing in kind of a vacuum because of bad experiences and the fact I’m usually doing something niche, so having people to talk to who are so nice and welcoming and are happy to ignore my special brand of obnoxiousness is so lovely and has had such a good affect on my mental health. Sometimes you need people you can be your dorkiest self with. 

My instincts are pretty good as far as fic goes, people are awesome, and I can write sex scenes. It’s been a learning curve, let me tell you that. 

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year?  I have to balance grad school, my business, and my writing, so that’s going to be interesting. I think I need to look at my fic more as downtime than a high-stress ‘job’ because I LOVE writing it. I love writing. I love reading. But I get in my own head and overthink. So my goals are BALANCE and RELAX. 

My best story of this year: Oh man, that’s not something I can judge. I am so incredibly proud of how Afterglow, And Found, and The Way of Things turned out. Especially considering I was so behind with JaliceWeek, and I think I was putting out a fic a day, and freaking out because I was lacking ideas, so when these three just came together exactly how I wanted them, it was a good moment. 

My most popular story: Shadow to Light. Look, if that’s my legacy to fandom, I’ve done pretty damn well. I’m really, really appreciative of how enthusiastic people are about this ‘verse. I don’t always understand it, because I can see how my writing has changed and how the story has evolved massively (first it was supposed to be a one-shot, then five chapters.) I hope that it ends up being satisfying for everyone because I have LOVED writing it, even if I am slower than molasses. 

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Everyone is always so damn enthusiastic about my writing. I think maybe Hybrid is kind of a big question mark for everyone at the moment because there are so many questions and no answers yet. 

And any of the Jessamine/Alice. That’s a new niche, I get not everyone is into it. But it’s happening and will continue into 2020.

Most fun story to write:  What You Say or Jess and Alice at Prom. Jess is a little snarkier than Jasper, less controlled, and the girls are super fun to write, even high-tension scenes. 

Most Sexy Story: Oh, I can answer this now! Um, maybe The Way of Things or Jess and Alice at Prom? Yup, those are my picks. 

Story with the single sexiest moment:  The Way of Things. This happened before the Discord Intervention, and I’m genuinely not sure if I’m happy with the end of the Prom fic, so it might be reworked slightly in the future. But The Way of Things I was really happy with because it covered so many ideas I had in a way that fit together well. 

That’s where she makes good on her unspoken promises from aeons again, of their private victory celebration. She sits astride him, her hips rolling hard against his, drawing out his groans and growls as he grips her thighs almost tight enough to crack. Their gazes are locked the entire time, her tongue skimming over her lips, as she lets her emotions tell him everything that she wants and everything she plans to take.

He remembers fucking her in the dirt in Dacia; his mouth between her legs as she hollered obscenities in a Paris attic; and the urgent, passionate loving-making of a marriage finally consummated.

She remembers bloody emeralds looped around her throat and resting between her breasts as she gets down on her knees and takes him into her mouth, his fingers tangled in her hair; the delicious weight of him on top of her, their sweat mingling and cooling in the frozen night as their flimsy bed creaked against the wall; and his soft encouragement in her ear as he grasps her around the waist, their hands resting together on the gentle swell of her stomach. 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: I think I restrained myself from anything too dark or twisted this year, actually. Oh, wait, Vampires in Vegas. That one has some pretty dark implications about Alice’s life, about the vampire underworld, and Jasper’s behaviour, especially as it goes one. No fic that deals with someone being put into sex work without educated consent is going to avoid being dark, and I think it’s logical that vampires would have their hands in a lot of illegal yet profitable areas. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Anything with Jessamine/Alice because, like, Jess isn’t a name-swap of Jasper, and the relationship dynamic shifts with the slight personality shifts. And then you have to consider the family and social dynamic of two women in the relationship, so working all that out was fun. 

Jar of Hearts is another one, because I had to work out who the fic was going to follow and what was lost. And Emmett and Alice pretty much don’t interact in canon, but they were chosen for a reason. I’ve stripped them down to their worst, most isolated selves without their ‘true north’ (Rose and Jasper) or their moral center (Carlisle and Esme), or even their secret weapon (Edward). Seth, too, has been isolated from his family and friends, and is especially ‘other’ in this situation. This is an MCU crossover, so we’re kind of following a heroes’ journey with the last of Forks’ supernatural creatures.

Hardest story to write: Shadow to Light because of the way I have to use language, because of the plot strands from canon when I hate writing canon material, and how the characters have changed and how this new version reflects the old version. 

Against a Wall, as well, because of the in-verse time crunch I had - I needed Jasper damaged, military-minded, and changed by age 19. And I needed the boy broken. I’m happy with it, the story is done and dusted, but it didn’t quite turn out how I planned. And that’s okay, because I like this version. But I think I tackled something a lot bigger than I anticipated with it. 

Most disappointing:  Look, I love the verse and the set-up, but I think Love & Duty could do with another 2k words for build-up. I just ran out of time, honestly, to build up that mutual attraction between Alice and Jasper. 

Easiest story to write: Anathema, because Alice’s voice was so clear in it. Anathema!Alice knows exactly who she is, and that’s always fun. And the Shadow to Light Missing Scene; it wasn’t as long as I hoped, but it turned out exactly as I imagined it happening. 

Biggest surprise:  Everyone really, really liked Forgotten. And Vampires in Vegas, which I honestly thought were the weakest offerings during FicMas. 

Most unintentionally telling story:  The Way of Things. There’s so little dialogue, and it’s covering such a massive amount of time and story that it’s intentionally written to tell. 

Story I’d like to revise: Love & Duty, and Married in Vegas. A little polish, a little shine, it’s fine. For Love & Duty, it’s definitely the time crunch I need to go back and fix; for Married in Vegas, it’s just reflective of how long ago I started it. I’m a better writer, I know the characters more, and I’m less prone to overly dramatic plot twists. 

Story I didn’t write but will at some point, I swear: Look, let me lay the groundwork now so that no one who isn’t on the Discord isn’t startled. 

There’s going to be a Jess/Jasper/Alice threesome fic, and I regret nothing. 

I really, really want to get All These Broken Things redone and posted because it’s getting silly how long it’s just been sitting there. 

I want to actually write Monster, which is a fic I don’t talk about much but I want to write. It’s a question about who the monster of the story is, and I’m not sure I’m as skilled as I should be, to write it, but I want to try. 

And one of my numerous attempts at a Haunted House Cryptid fic. It has to happen, I have so many ideas!

[spaceorphan18]

What do you think about Blaine's family? Do you have any possible explanations as to why they were so absent in the series? They never showed up to his graduation, the proposal, and Blaine's dad wasn't at the wedding.

So.  There are two ways you can go about thinking about this -- taking a Doylist or Watsonian view.  (If you’re unfamiliar with the terms -- here is a link that explains it!) I have a tendency to naturally think in terms of Doylist view points, but for the sake of answering this, I’ll give you both answers. 

***

Doylist View

I think that it’s sometimes forgotten among Klaine fandom that Kurt is, essentially, one of the most - if not the most - fleshed out character of the show.  He not only has an individual story propelled through (nearly) the entire show, but he has a world built around him -- he has family and backstory and conflicts and all the ingredients that are needed in a fleshed out and fully well-rounded story.  Most everyone else -- including Will and Rachel, arguably the main characters - do not.  

For the most part, the show wants us to view the story through the lens of McKinley high, and the snapshot we see through that often doesn’t extend to the outer world.  Partly because in the beginning the characters were mostly satires or stereotypes set in the darkly-comedic (and I’m assuming therapeutic) world of Ryan Murphy.  The characters didn’t need to be fleshed out more, because the story was contained in a box.  Meanwhile, in the later seasons - there just got to be too many stories going, and the show just couldn’t handle all of it.  

So - funny enough, Kurt managed to scrape by -- due to the nature of his character (and his probable importance to Ryan Murphy).  He and Finn were the only ones who had longer stories that related to family.  The show was more focused on romantic relationships and (to a lesser extent) friendships among the glee kids.  And -- whatever weird relationships Will got himself into.  It wasn’t a show about family -- unless you considered the glee kids being each other’s family.  Parents (and siblings -- you notice these kids are mostly all only-children?) just didn’t factor into such things unless they were relevant for a minor plot or a guest star.  

I’d argue that Blaine fared better than some -- Mercedes mom didn’t come in until the last second, despite her family life being described as healthy, and Tina never had her parents show up.  Blaine was at least allowed to have a brother, and hintings of some backstory.  But mostly, the show didn’t care enough to bother with Blaine’s parents any more than it bothered with just about everyone else’s.  I just think the Klaine fandom is so spoiled by Kurt’s relationship with his dad (and Blaine’s relationship with Kurt’s dad) that it feels unbalanced (and it is).  

So, then, I suppose that’s why their lack of presence doesn’t seem to bother me.  Of the three times you’ve mentioned - only the proposal seems like the only time they would be there -- but since we were never introduced to them, they served no purpose to the story being told, and hence why I don’t necessarily care that they weren’t there.  If it were a story about Blaine’s life and not the Kurt and Blaine romance, that would be a different story... 

***

Watsonian View

So, because I’m understanding of the limitations of Glee’s storytelling, I don’t have a ton of headcanon’s on Blaine’s family.  (Again - Blaine stans - I know you guys do, so feel free to add on!!) 

I will say this -- I think that this fandom has this weird obsession that families are either close-knit like Kurt’s family is or totally abusive and neglectful like I often see Blaine’s family being.  And... I guess I don’t necessarily see the Andersons being like that.  

I think Mr. Anderson has a higher paying job -- a business man, a lawyer, a CPA, an engineer, something in the medical field -- who knows what.  But whatever it is, is probably long hours not at the house.  Pam, as the script for A Wedding tells us, is an Avon lady.  She probably doesn’t have to work, but she does so for the social aspects.  I think both his parents are probably highly social, which is another reason they aren’t around much.  

I think a byproduct of that is that Cooper, being so much older, ends up half-raising Blaine, but is the neglectful relationship that fanfic often wants portrayed in his parents.  But Cooper doesn’t really want or need a little kid hanging around all the time -- and it’s a mess of complicated feelings going on there.  

I do think that Blaine’s parents care about him - but maybe aren’t as good at being tight-knit as Kurt’s family.  Blaine’s dad builds a car with him -- true, Blaine fears that part of it was to maybe make Blaine not gay, but there was an attempt at bonding there.  And in Shooting Star Blaine talks about how he spent all night talking with his parents - which is not something that would have happened if they didn’t really care all that much.  

I think the absence is sometimes overblown because in fandom - we latch onto one thing (like the fact that Kurt and Blaine have sexy times at Blaine’s house) and it grows into a thing that canon wasn’t necessarily trying to point to.  

Why weren’t Blaine’s parents at his graduation? Who says they weren’t? There were a ton of people in that audience, and just because they weren’t sitting next to Kurt doesn’t mean they weren’t there.  Do you really think Rachel’s parents didn’t come to her opening night on Broadway? We never see them in the episode - but I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be in the front row.  (Actually - I think there’s a line in there explain they were coming the next day, but I digress.)  

Meanwhile - the Wedding is a different thing entirely.  According to the script, Blaine’s mom was there because she was doing the make-up for the girls.  It was coincidental that he happened to be married that day as well.  (Fwiw - there’s some BTS stuff pointing to Blaine’s parents being split up - but I take BTS stuff as iffy at best when it comes to thinking about actual canon.)  

Like I said above, the only strange exception is the proposal -- but I still say, had this been a story from Blaine’s POV, and Blaine being the initial character to have a well rounded story -- his parents would have been there.  And who knows, maybe they were busy setting up the afterparty? 

To me - they seem like their jobs and social lives kept them on individual tracts, and that is why Blaine (and Cooper) were on their own a lot.  

And... that’s pretty much what I’ve got.  Anyone else is more than welcome to join in. 

[elixir448]

Good Girls 3x04 and 3x05 Disorganised Monster Post

Apologies in advance for the absolute mess this is going to be. I’ll start with 3x04 and try to keep it organised but it just...won’t be. And yeah, I made all the Dean sections about Beth and Rio. Bite me.

Mick

I. Am. In. Love. With. This. Man. I’m sorry but when he rolled down his window and said “good morning”, my jaw hit the ground. His voice is unreal. Does everyone in Rio’s gang have an amazing voice? Is it a requirement for joining? What is this sorcery?

I also get a kick out of the fact that he is so polite and charming with people that he doesn’t really know, just like Rio. I can’t help but think that they must have grown up together to be so similar in that way. Also, Mrs Karpinski and Mick. I would like to see more of them.

Beth and Dean (Did I make this section all about Beth and Rio? I may have.)

I think @pynkhues has already mentioned this and I totally agree with it. That Dean just works as a character so much better in humourous scenes, like when he’s purchasing a gun. I think the last time I laughed so much at a scene with Dean in it was at the end of 2x07, when he’s interacting with the krav maga instructor.

The moose analogy was hilarious and, I’m not gonna lie, I hope Dean sticks around in the story just so we can get more outsider POV of Beth and Rio’s relationship, because it is genuinely one of my favourite things in the show and to read about in fanfic. And Dean, Rio does not “have his way” with ‘your wife’; she wouldn’t be such a pain in his ass if he did. He did this in 3x05 as well, where he referred to Beth as “something you love”. She’s not an object that people can love or have their way with.

I am convinced that Dean’s gun will be utilised within the story at some point, although whether it will be used by him is up for debate.

When he walks into the house with the gun and ignores Beth’s questions about about it, only answering when she becomes more insistent, I was struck by the childhishness of Dean’s character.

Let me articulate this for a second.

Let’s compare this scene to the way Dean acts in 2x07, when he refuses to watch the kids after Jane’s dance show and immaturely lashs out at Beth saying that he’s going to book club. It’s not even about putting her in her place. It’s simply petty and it’s childish because their is no goal aside from temporarily annoying her. Just like in this scene. He walks into the house with a huge gun on his shoulder, in a clear attempt to seek attention but then ignores her questions and it comes across as petty and childish; in both scenes, he is akin to a child who can feel that the attention of their parent is wandering and so seeks attention by being as loud and annoying as possible.

There is no back and forth in Beth and Dean’s relationship at all. When Beth dumps cash on Dean and tells him that he doesn’t know her in 1x06, when she ignores his questions at the beginning of 1x07 and tells him to take the kids to Disneyland, she was putting him in his place because, really, he deserved it. When she took away his power in the dealership and he became a house-husband, she was putting him in his place after finding out about his multiple affairs. When Dean takes her kids from her, he was trying to put Beth in her place, essentially saying See. I know you. You’re nothing without our children. 

This is all very different from the back and forth in Beth and Rio’s relationship. Importantly, even though Beth and Rio are always trying to get a leg over each other (metaphorically and often physically haha) and even though they do try and sweep the rug out from one another, it’s less about wielding power over the other person than it is about wielding power over each other (I know what I mean in my own head lol). It’s that they enjoy it when the other person gets a leg over them, they enjoy the heated looks and even enjoy the gleefulness from the other person. It’s all a part of their process. Even when Beth and Rio seek attention from one another (Beth taking the pills from the cars and Rio mailing her body parts), it’s less about the end result of having the other person’s attention focused on them or having power over them; it’s more about imagining how they they will look, how they will feel, how they will react when they find out. All of it’s important. It’s all foreplay.

Also, it was one bullet Dean. Not a full clip.   

Before Dean kisses Beth, he says “We were so good with him gone.” Honestly, that line felt like the 100th nail in the coffin haha. Dean just doesn’t get Beth and he doesn’t understand that there is a lack of emotional intimacy in their relationship. He hasn’t picked up on the fact that she’s actually experienced a regression on a personal level; she’s wrapped herself up in the comfort of her familiar life, with her kids, her house and her husband only after Rio’s death. The only reason he felt they were good was because they were having sex, even if it was for all the wrong reasons on Beth’s part. Even then, he classes it as good because it was sex with him.

The reality is that all this matters less than the simple truth, which is that Rio isn’t gone anymore. He’s back. And Dean knows, as stupid as he is, that it’s only a matter of time.

As for the scene where Dean kisses Beth. Here are all the ways it contrasts Beth and Rio’s kiss in 2x09 (all the ways I can think of anyway). Sorry. Not sorry.

I’d like to point out that Dean walks exactly 3 steps towards Beth, before stopping and taking her jacket from her. The same number of steps that Beth took towards Rio in her bedroom. The same number of steps that Rio took towards Beth. And notably, the same number of steps that Beth did not take towards Dean in this scene.

Yes, Beth kissed Dean back and participated in the kiss itself. But she did not participate at all in the lead-up which is, arguably, just as important. When Beth kissed Rio, the mutual nerves, tenderness and affection were a huge part of the scene. In other words, the lead-up was just as important as the kiss itself. That was very much lacking here. I suppose one could argue that this is not Beth and Dean’s first kiss but it certainly is their first on-screen kiss and presumably the first kiss they have shared in a long time. For all intents and purposes, it should be like a ‘first kiss’ because it’s their first kiss after all the betrayals, lies and disdain.

This scene, like Beth and Rio’s, takes place in daylight but, it’s different in basically every other way. Dean grabs Beth and sort of positions her head to directly face him. When Beth leaned in to kiss Rio in her bedroom, he angles his head just right and very slighly inches his head closer. For her. Beth doesn’t even do that for Dean. He leans in and kisses her and she doesn’t actually do anything to make that easier for him, nothing to indicate that she wants him to.

The music also sounds very...young, for lack of a better word. Almost high school. I think that was a very purposeful choice, given that this is the first on-screen kiss between Beth and Dean. In this scene, I definitely saw them more as they probably were when they were in high school, before they got married. There was a notable lack of any music in the scene where Beth and Rio kiss. Honestly, the scene just didn’t need any.

Christina was amazing here. After Dean releases her, her head kind of just disappointedly falls away and she opens her eyes and looks a little bit...defeated. Perhaps because she didn’t feel more or enjoy the kiss. Because it was Dean. And god, then the scene cuts to Rio coming into Paper Porcupine and the most sexually loaded, non-sex scene in the history of television....although every one of Beth and Rio’s scenes feels that way to be honest. The fact that the episode ended here, on a climactic note when Rio scrutinises the money Beth finishes making, says a lot.

The Hills (including 3x05)

I LOVED this storyline. It’s such a great way of exploring the way that Ruby’s guilt over committing crimes has gradually transitioned into a lack of guilt for the crimes that she has become ‘used to’, i.e: robberies, lying. It’s also such a great callback to a common theme in this show, “All this stuff you think you’re keeping from them. You’re not”. The fact that this was said by Ruby in season 1 and is once again coming full circle is peak writing. Also, this means that another one of my hiatus wishes has come true, that the kids would find out more or be suspicious of their parents. I wondered if it would be Kenny, Sadie or Sara who would catch on. Looks like it’s Sara. Lidya Jewett was the perfect one of the children to explore this through because she is such an amazing actress and Sara’s already had an introduction to this arc, due to Stan being arrested in the last season and her having to grapple with the fact that he did indeed commit a crime.

And look, I am the last person who wants to see Ruby and Stan fight. But I think it’s such an important arguement for them to have. Not the fact that Ruby’s committing crimes but the fact that she seems so comfortable with it now and that this is potentially becoming a model for learned behaviour for their children. The only people they love more than each other are their children.

Lidya Jewett did such a great job portraying the audaciousness and the brattiness of a teen when they are confronted by a parent calling out their behaviour. The tit for tat between Sara and Ruby was amazing. Like nuh uh, you may be right about the shady ass stuff I’ve been up to but I’m still the queen in this house. So now you owe me.

I also love the idea that Beth and Ruby have learnt so much from crime-ing. In 3x02, Beth taught Annie a lesson about how they had to deal with the mover ASAP or all the criminals in Detroit would know that they were pushovers. In this episode, Ruby teaches Sara that when you lie once, you need to know that you’ll be lying a dozen more times just to uphold your original story. It’s never over.

In 3x05, I was like why u do dis? I love this storyline and I don’t think that Stan will leave Ruby but god, the idea that Ruby is so terrified of it in Beth’s van, and for good reason, is actually scaring me. The stills from 3x07 and the hints Reno gave that we would find out how Stan feels about Beth have me shaking. I’m so excited but scared at the same time.

Annie

This is probably the first episode where I felt as though Annie’s therapy storyline really found its feet. I’m going to ignore the fact that retinoblastomas mainly only occur in children. Aside from that, it really found its feet haha.

I also just loved the humour of Annie’s scenes in this episode. Mae Whitman is amazing and her delivery is always fantastic. I genuinely think that her long-winded speech in the pawn shop about how she spent her night is one of my favourite comedic moments of the season so far. What a great callback to Annie’s gazelle run when she’s chasing down Mary Pat!

Oh god. When she was asking Dr Cohen about what was going on between them, I was physically cringing because I knew she was going to smash into a brick wall. It was painful to watch. Stop gal, stop.

It was also painful to see Dr Cohen ruthlessly lay out Annie’s psychological coping mechanisms in front of her, partly because it was coming from a place of genuine concern and care and she knew it.

Beth and Rio (Will I ever write a reasonable amount in this section? Nope.)

Gosh, the entire scene leading up to Beth and Rio in the bar and that scene in itself was peak television. Suspenseful, intense, a good back and forth between characters with unbelievable chemistry. I genuinely think that this is one of the scenes in the show that best depicts the ‘dark’ in dark comedy and the ‘drama’ in dramedy, which are usually the genres used to describe the show.

I don’t know what everyone else views as their favourite ‘dark’/’dramatic’ moments in the show? Their are many scenes which I feel really capture the themes above but some of them are:

1. 1x04 - When the girls hear a thump from the bedroom Eddie’s recovering in and they run upstairs only for him to confront them with a gun.

2. 1x06 - Boomer plants drugs in Annie’s locker, Beth dumps bags of cash on Dean.

3. 1x07 - Rio and his boys confront the girls in Beth’s house.

4. 1x09 - Beth and Rio’s first break-up scene in 1x09.

5. 1x10/2x01 - “If you wanna be the king, you gotta kill the king.”

6. 2x07 - Beth and Rio argue in the alley.

7. ....you get the point. Maybe I should write a separate post all about this?

Now this bar scene (3x04) and the entire sequence with Rio, Lucy, his boys and the girls at paper porcupine and outside the van (3x05) are included on my list of amazing ‘dark’/’dramatic’ scenes.

I’d also like to acknowledge the piano music in this scene, which is also present during the scene in Paper Porcupine in 3x05, while Rio waits patiently for Lucy to complete her counterfeit money design. It’s a stunning piece of music and it adds so much suspense to the scenes. I hope it’s released at some point!  

First of all, we have Beth and Dean lying in bed. Everything about this screams that Dean is intruding, from his loud snores, to the way he’s leaning so far into her side of the bed, to the way that Beth is looking out of her French doors, away from him, and clearly thinking about what she’s going to do with regards to Rio. I spoke about this in my 3x02 thoughts post but ever since Beth and Rio began orbiting around one another, ever since their fascination with one another began (god, basically from the beginning), Dean has been consistently displayed as intruding on their relationship, despite the fact that he and Beth are still technically married and he’s always ranting about how Rio is wrecking and ‘intruding’ in on their lives. Beth and Rio have always had a tangible intimacy that’s unbelievably loud in their relationship, even before they slept together. It always feels like any voices aside from their own, any person besides them is an intrusion when they’re together or thinking about eachother.

Beth lies in bed, next to Dean, and thinks about Rio before running away from her husband and her house to see him under the cover of darkness. It feels intimate and loaded with implications. It’s absolutely driven by fear and her desire to survive but the set-up of the scene is inherently romantic. It’s akin to someone sneaking out to see their lover whom they’re having an affair with.

I could wax poetic about how much I love this scene in its entirety. When Good Girls is good, it’s fucking good. The way that Beth is frightened and then annoyed with Mick for saying something behind her when she’s the one running around at ridiculous o’clock, the imposing figure he cuts as he smokes, the way he considers her. Just. All. Of. This. I love all of Beth and Rio’s scenes, including the ones that take place during the day. But gosh, there’s just something about the scenes that take place in the dark that I find dangerous and addictive.

Rio walks into his bar, briefly nods at the bartender and greets Mick. But as soon as he sees Beth, he can’t look away from her. He doesn’t look at Mick as they clasp hands, his lips part and stay that way as he looks at her AND if you look closely, for a brief second, he stands taller and very slightly pushes his shoulders back before walking towards her.

While they are sitting at the bar together, Rio is depicted as exhausted and conflicted. This shot is stunning:

Their conversaion is so well done. Rio sceptically eyeing Beth’s finished drink and only suggesting that she slow down when she asks for a shot of tequila, his hand gently coming down on top of hers, the way he looks at her as he waits for an answer. It’s such a stark contrast to the way Dean treats her. Even now, after everything.

“One for my baby daddy here too.” SCREAMS. OMG BETH. I adore her.

God. The acting. Beth’s face when she looks at Rio after saying “I lost it”, a sort of confused and hesitant realisation that he looks affected by it, by her words. I still waver on whether or not Rio believed that Beth was indeed pregnant. To sum up what I think is going through Rio’s mind in this scene:

1. He has no reason at this point to doubt the words of Rhea’s OBGYN. In other words, it’s entirely possible that following the appointment, he grappled with the idea that Beth was pregnant with his child, conceived during an encounter fraught with emotions in her bedroom and before she shot him three times. It’s possible that he forced himself to be pragmatic, process it and accept it, only for Beth to suffer a miscarriage. There’s a feeling of mourning in the way that Rio regards Beth with his hand over his mouth, the quiet, sensitive way in which he asks when it happened, the way he looks at his palms on the bar counter, the way he tosses back the shot of tequila.

2. The loss of the pregnancy ultimately means that he’s lost the one reason, the single excuse he had to keep Beth alive. I don’t doubt that he could have killed her in the moments when he first saw her again, after the time he spent simmering, plotting and remembering. But now she’s under his skin again. God, she never even left but now she’s probably curled up somewhere inside of him all over again. It’s so obvious in the way that he says “nothing good” that he doesn’t want to kill her, that he’s tired and doesn’t want to even think about it anymore.

Following this, the writers did an amazing job with the back and forth between Beth and Rio in this scene. Beth is desperate and yet so audacious in suggesting that Rio needs money, that he should take another chance on her. I love her when she’s like this, when she’s clawing and doing her best to survive. And the way that Rio huffs an unamused laugh through pursed lips, almost as though he’s thinking, shit I’m doing this again aren’t I? I’m letting her talk? Except we all know she’s not talking him into anything. He’s just looking for an excuse. If anything, to me, he seems unamused with the traitorous part of himself that is listening to her for the sole reason of avoiding the necessity of killing her.

“You couldn’t afford it.” What a backhanded compliment. Rio can’t place a price on Beth’s head because even he struggles to deal with what her personal worth is to him, what she actually means to him, so I love that he ultimately just caves and throws out an arbitrary $100K which is much less than he has previously requested from her. I also love that Beth just focuces purely on the money and ignores the true implications of what he’s saying because it’s too much, it’s too loaded and neither of them have ever been able to contend with whatever’s between them, this thing that is indescribable.

As for the final scene of the episode. I don’t know if I can rationally articulate my thoughts on this but I’m going to do my best.

First of all, I love the idea of Beth and Rio watching each other when the other person isn’t aware of it. So when Rio enters paper porcupine and slowly walks towards her while Beth is rifling through items, unaware that he’s behind her, it just does something to me. I love it.

Also, I love the way they almost circle one another until Beth stops on the other side of the table in between them. They are so often depicted to be standing across from one another. Forever waiting for the day where they stand side by side against a common enemy.

When Rio alludes to Beth doing some custom-printing for him and she immediately catches on, she looks at him with her big, blue eyes and her voice is so feminine when she says “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. God, you can’t convince me Rio isn’t into that.

I’m not going to talk about the music too much just because this is getting too long and the fandom is already obsessed with the song anyway. The lyrics are a complete revelation and the song was, of course, purposefully chosen. I loved the entire song and the implications for Beth and Rio’s relationship but one part I particularly love:

“Though we sleep in different beds You still keep me up at night”

God, Beth lay awake next to Dean, thinking of what she was going to say to Rio, before running away to see him. There’s no way Rio doesn’t lie awake at night and think about Beth. I. Just. Can’t. This is already getting too long.

The youtube video that went up for this scene sums it up pretty well. Rio really does look pretty mesmerised by Beth in this scene. She looks at him apprehensively because she’s afraid of him and fearful for her operation but she keeps doing it because he makes her nervous, because she likes looking at him, because she likes it when he watches her, because she feels something for him and it’s all just too much because he’s watching her, just like he always has but she’s never gotten used to it. GAHHHH.

I also just love interpreting this scene after watching 3x05, when Dean says twice that Beth is “something you (Rio) love”. Beth refutes that at the end of the episode, saying Rio loves money. But here we have all three things, Beth, Rio and money in one scene. And yes, Rio’s watching Beth make money but he also can’t look away from her.

Just look at this shot. Beth and Rio facing each other, as they often do, at equal heights, with the money symbolically positoned between them. It’s not just something that separates them though. It’s something they share if that makes sense. It’s something they both care about but you can care about more than one thing.

And looks like Rio found another excuse to keep her alive. I mean, he had already found one, by demanding 100K but this is now something he can directly participate in and benefit from. Something long-term that keeps them tied together, rather than a one-off payment. He just can’t help himself, can he? They can’t let each other go.

I don’t know where else to put this. But seeing Beth wearing glasses was...life-changing.

Moving on to 3x05.

The Opening Scene and Mick

STOP SAYING GOOD MORNING AND STOP TALKING. DON’T SAY ANYTHING. I CAN’T DEAL WITH YOUR VOICE MICK.

Ahem. We also met more of Rio’s boys which means another one of my hiatus wishes came true. I’m really curious to meet Rio’s bosses, who Manny has said we will learn more about in this season, and what the debts he needs to repay are, which he alluded to in the sneak peek from 3x06 (THE ANGST). I’m guessing it has something to do with the fact that we was out of the game for so long or maybe because people have found out that he fed Turner names, or both?

I love smart Beth. Taking the plates used to make the counterfeit money as a precautionary measure was really important but also just...kind of tragic. I’m going to talk more about this later (see Paper Porcupine and the Shooting).

Also, how freaking loaded was that scene where Beth tries to pay Mick to buy more time? When she said “what if I made it up to you?”, my jaw dropped. Not even exaggerating. And when he said “it’d be a huge order”, I straight up scream-cackled. This 100% backs up the idea that Beth is legitimately the most oblivious person in the world and would totally get into a bunch of awkward situations just because she’s misunderstood somebody else or because she’s said something sexual without even realising it. I. Require. All. That. Fanfic.

I completely agree with @foxmagpie here. I just don’t think that Mick has or will betray Rio. 100K is a relatively small sum of money, given the context. We know that Rio only asked this of Beth because it was an excuse to avoid killing her. For Mick, this is nowhere near enough money to risk his life or his position as (presumably) Rio’s right hand man. And let’s be honest, in the crime world, who are you going to place your bet on? Beth or Rio? I know who I would choose.

Annie 

I freaked when I saw Kevin again because I didn’t expect him to show up after 3x01 but there you go! I genuinely love this though because I didn’t think he was homeless and it just shows you that you really can’t know what’s going on in someone’s life until they tell you. It really hit me hard when he said “I’m experiencing homelessness” because it could happen to anyone. It really reminded me of a news article I read about, about individuals who are homeless but aren’t necessarily sleeping on the streets; instead, they are couch surfing or sleeping in their cars but they feel as though they have no stability, no place they can call their own and as though they have been forgotten about by society.

This show is so good at introducing tertiary characters!

Dean, The Fish and “Something you love” (Did I make this about Beth and Rio again? You’re goddamn right I did.)

So, I’m assuming the three dead fish are symbolic of Beth, Ruby and Annie. The fact that Dean was responsible for killing them is, I feel, more symbolically indicative of the consequences of him breaking the plate in this episode alone. I actually think that when Beth says “How much did you feed them?” and Dean replies “Too much”, this is more indicative of the over-arching plot for the season and really the whole show. The idea that greed, money, and for Beth, the rush, are going to be what ultimately hurts them and potentially lead them to their ruin.

Dean really pissed me off in this scene. I was clutching my head and cursing him. Every little thing pissed me off, from the way that he slammed the drawers shut, to the way he held the plate higher up, to his slighted masculinity when he said “he didn’t waste any time, did he?” Even though he knows that Beth has been willingly involved in crime, he continues to completely underestimate her. He just assumes that Rio offers up opportunities and Beth can’t resist. He cannot wrap his mind around the concept of Beth coming up with ideas and executing them; if anything, it’s Rio who can’t resist.

I gasped when Dean said “something you love”. I think this has been very controversial in the fandom. @foxmagpie answered an ask and wrote a brilliant analysis here, which I would highly recommend reading. Following the season 2 finale, I answered an ask here about Beth and Rio’s feelings for one another and I feel a little bit vindicated write now, not because I think I’m right (their feelings are so complex and completely up for interpretation at this stage) but because I agreed with my initial assessment.

I think some people might be tempted to write off what Dean said as inaccurate, simply because it’s Dean who said it. Dean is often an unreliable narrator when it comes to Beth and Rio’s relationship. His view is tainted by jealousy, misogyny and the need to take ownership over Beth as his wife again. However, he did manage to catch on to the fact that Rio treats Beth differently (Rio flaunting the relationship he has with Beth in front of Dean in 1x10/2x01), that Beth slept with Rio and was using him as a poor replacement (2x06), that Beth and Rio have a relationship that is more than just sex (before Beth brutally emasculated him by saying she just really likes having sex with Rio in 2x11). In season 2, he did eventually see that, fundamentally, Beth and Rio are addicted to one another. So, I don’t think we can write off what Dean is saying in 3x05.

As for whether or not I think Rio is in love with Beth.

I need to explain the way that I view love, in the capacity that we use it to describe the feelings that an individual can have for another person. I find myself consistently surprised by the number of people around me who talk about emotions as being incredibly complex but then act as though you either love something or you don’t or, when it comes to romantic relationships on screen, if it isn’t love then it can only be lust or desire or an obsession. Personally, I view love as a spectrum emotion and I actually think most people view it in the same way, that you can feel varying degrees and intensities of it. It sounds obvious and that’s because it totally is. As an example, I think it’s absolutely possible to be a little bit in love with someone.

So, there’s a diagram I remembered from one of my lectures and I think it’ll help me articulate the way I view Beth and Rio’s feelings for one another. The short answer is that I thought they were a little in love with one another in the second half of season 2 and I actually still agree with that but I think it’s been buried under an avalance of trauma and betrayal.

Of course, I’m not going to include the original image from my lecture (which depicts the spectrum and crossover of mood and psychotic disorders) but here’s a stock image that depicts a similar idea:

Now, I think the obvious way to look at this is to stick love on one side and hate on the other, as they are classically considered to be ‘opposing’ emotions, and then something neutral like indifference in the middle.

Personally, I agree with the idea that indifference is the opposite of love and so I’d like to place indifference on one end, hate in the middle and love on the other end, especially when it comes to considering Beth and Rio’s relationship. I’d justify placing hate in the middle because it is an intense emotion, whereas indifference is literally nothing and these two have never been indifferent towards one another, no matter how much time Rio spends on his phone when he’s with Beth. The way I see it, Beth and Rio rapidly slide up and down the part of the spectrum between love and hate and those emotions never have time to settle so that they can be acknowledged as one or the other.

(sorry this is so bad)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, even at this point in their relationship, the majority of viewers cannot point to the middle of this spectrum and say that Rio definitively hates Beth or vice versa. Nor can we point at love and say the same. I don’t even think we could point vaguely in between. I’d personally be continuously sliding my finger up and down the spectrum between those two points.

I think Manny worded it perfectly in his interveiew, “They hate each other but want to be each other. They hate each other but want to be with each other.”

Lucy, Paper Porcupine and The Shooting

I’m going to just put this in here because this scene was so dark (and very well done in my opinion). But Rio is such a little shit! Look at his face after antagonising Beth:

God sake. Check yourself Rio. Your boys, Ruby and Annie are all watching and it’s so obvious that you’re like straight up thinking about your crush.

Even though I loved the fact that Beth thought ahead and took the plates, upon rewatching the episode it all felt so futile and painful. It really felt like so many of the Beth’s actions took Lucy to that moment. I know we’re all thinking the same thing, that Dean unknowingly triggered all of this when he broke the plate. But the reality is that even if Dean hadn’t broken the plate, it’s likely that Rio would have eventually gone straight to the source of the design. From the moment Beth chose to bring her into this, Lucy’s fate was sealed. It’s heartbreaking.

I absolutely agree with @sothischickshe when she said that Beth knew that something was going to go down. She looks at Lucy so much in this scene, with fear, with guilt but also with an almost intuitive grief. I don’t think she knew that Rio was going to kill her but I do think she had a feeling or a thought clawing at the back of her mind, that something terrible was going to happen to Lucy.

Rio orders Beth to go with Lucy, telling her to “be smart”. He still has Ruby and Annie with him and he knows that Beth would never abandon them. He makes her choose between Lucy and Ruby & Annie in this scene; when she chooses not to ask Mrs Harris for help, when she chooses to beg Lucy not to finish the plate rather than telling her to run out of the store, she is essentially choosing Ruby & Annie.

So much of this scene was about Rio punishing Beth for what she has done, by taking what she had built, ordering her to go with Lucy and forcing her to share in the responsibility of what was about to happen. Because he hasn’t been able to kill her and he knows he’ll never be able to. But I also think it was about proving a point to Beth and here’s why.

Beth shot Rio for many reasons but a lot of it was about the situation she had been placed in and the pressing need to just do something in the ‘heat of the moment’. She has never been able to kill any of her rotten eggs when she had time to plan how to do it. Even when she hit Boomer in the back of the head in 1x01, it is was in the ‘heat of the moment’. She is bound by the moral barrier that separates a murder (i.e: intent, sometimes premeditated) from voluntary manslaughter (i.e: when provoked, in the moment.) I know Beth shot Rio two more times after the initial thought and I may write another post all about that. But now is not the time. For all intents and purposes, Beth cannot kill someone after definitively making that decision in advance.

Something that I’m so struck by with the sequence in Paper Porcupine is how long it is. It’s obviously this long to build tension but it really highlights to me the length of time Rio had to consider his options and decide what he was going to do. Even the scene outside the van was long; he had time to back out of killing Lucy but, unlike Beth, he did not balk. And because of that, he proved to Beth that he can do it all.

He’s basically saying look, I can kill someone before they even have the chance to go rotten.

Obviously, we know that Beth is Rio’s rotten egg and Rio knows it too (that’s why he’s punishing Beth in this scene). But Beth has never allowed herself to believe it. She thinks it’s all about the money.

Oh god. Don’t even get me started on the implications of Rio grabbing Lucy’s hand to help her into the van and looking over at Beth as he says “ma girl”. Yes, we get it Rio. Beth’s your girl.

@pynkhues​  pointed out that Rio has a kind of honeytrap language that Beth is starting to recognise and you can just tell from the way that Beth closes her eyes that she knows the situation is escalating and that something is imminently going to happen.

This scene is so interesting when you stop and pause and just look at Beth and Rio’s faces. Because Beth is desperately trying to justify why Rio should keep them alive. She keeps looking at his face and then prompting Ruby and Annie to speak and answer her questions, so she can prove their worth. And then, at the very end, she sort of tacks Lucy on as an afterthought and it’s just tragic. It was over for Lucy already but, even so, Beth basically gave a speech about their value vs Lucy’s value.

And I totally agree with everyone else. Rio did not look like he was being convinced by what Beth was saying at all. I mean, he definitely had heart-eyes (haha, they’re both idiots) but he didn’t look like he was really considering what she was saying, rather he seemed more like he was impressed by what he was seeing, almost falling into the habit of staring at her as intensely as he always has. He was definitely just letting her talk so he could put a bullet in Lucy and deal with someone in front of his boys and the girls.

Rio

We already knew this but Manny and the writers have really doubled down on how charming, personable and downright sinister Rio can be as a character. His smiles come easily when he’s questioning the mover in 3x04 and interacting with Lucy, he jokes around with them and exerts an effortless control over both situations.  Perhaps even more importantly, his smiles are real in these moments. It’s become very obvious that Rio enjoys it all. It’s fun for him. Just like Beth, he gets a kick out of crime and is pretty unhinged.

As for him shooting Lucy, a completely innocent woman whom he knew Beth had dragged into this. Well, I agree with what a lot of people have already said; I think it was in character. I mean, this is the man who sat and messed about on his phone while his boys waiting on the order to kill the girls in 1x02. This is the guy who killed Eddie, somebody he presumably knew well considering the fact that Eddie only called his mum aside from Rio. This is the guy who shot Dean, who we as an audience hate but who really had nothing to do with Beth’s plot to have Rio arrested. This is the guy who didn’t just have Agent Turner killed but a slew of other FBI agents. Interestingly, of all these characters, the only one aside from Lucy who was unwittingly brought into the crime world was Dean and Rio still shot him. I don’t think this was an attempt on the writers’ parts to make us hate Rio because let’s be honest, the vast majority of us will continue to love his character and they know it. This is who he is and none of us can lie to ourselves anymore. I think that’s good.

The Ending

I loved it! Annie seeking comfort from the people they love, the people who support them. And Beth not being able to do that. God, she looks exhausted and two seconds from falling to pieces in that last scene and Dean is such a narcissist that he can’t see it. All he cares about is Rio, not the effect all of this is having on Beth.

When Beth says that she also really hates being around Rio again and Dean questions her, “really?”, it’s the only thing he can focus on when it comes to her. Like once Rio stuck his dick inside Beth, she wasn’t just her anymore, she was only a person with relation to Rio. Ewwwww Dean. Go away.

Also, it’s so telling that Beth couldn’t repeat herself when Dean questioned her. God, even after Rio ordered Mick to shoot Lucy, she can’t lie about it. She’s such a good liar but, in this scene, she’s so exhausted that she can’t even put in the effort.

God, Christina was amazing. Her watery blue eyes, her forced smiles and pained expressions. I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart when Max said “except for you” and that Beth was Lucy’s only friend. I feel terrible for Max and completely agree with Lucy! He is totally awesome.

[aceofwhump]

Submitted by anon:

Hey! 

Sorry if this is all just a rambling mess or too personal to even be asking you in the first place (if so, please feel free to ignore away) but I’ve been questioning a lot lately whether or not I might be asexual & I was just curious about how you knew you were? I keep going through moments (especially after reading about other people’s experiences in the whump community) of thinking for certain that I am but then I end up thinking things over and doubting it.

I can say for certain that I do find people hot/handsome/attractive/sexy/yada yada but I can’t really tell whether that’s in a sexual way or not? I don’t really ever look at a person & think ‘god they’re hot, I’d love to f*ck them’ but then surely nobody does that without establishing a relationship with the person first, right?

Most of the time I’m not really ever instantly attracted to a person (if you showed me a photo, for example and asked me if I found that person hot I’d probably be pretty indifferent) but (and this is mainly in regards to celebrities) once I’ve been familiarised with them and their personality and seen them in a few things, say interviews and movies or stuff, I may develop an attraction to them (this is particularly true when it comes to seeing actors getting whumped, I find that most of my attractions form that way tbh).

Of course there’s the odd occasion where a person may be undeniably attractive & aesthetically pleasing and I’ll be attracted to them on the offset but it’s rarely the case.

Other than that, despite maybe a couple of people that I’ve found kind of  pleasant to look at, I don’t think I’ve really ever been attracted to anyone I’ve known in person, at least not in that way.

Also, whilst sex scenes themselves don’t neccessarily make me uncomfortable (can’t say I get the appeal but it doesn’t really  offend me in any way), if there’s a scene involving the nudity of an actor that I’m attracted to (as in full frontal) it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I guess that could just because it feels like an invasion of privacy as opposed to anything else though. I’ve been occasionally known to watch certain things to deal with particular urges and nudity doesn’t bother me then so I have no clue why it does in other situations.

I’ve also never had a relationship or been intimate with anyone in any way, nor can I say that I’m particularly interested in having one/doing so. I’m kind of introverted & socially awkward so maybe that’s a factor but I also don’t know if my disinterest in relationships is related to the whole concern & expectation of having to have sex with someone. I also don’t even know for certain that I’m 100% against the idea of sex. The thought of sex is not really something that appeals to me & I feel like I would happily die without ever experiencing it but I also wouldn’t say I’m entirely repulsed by it? I’ve occasionally daydreamed about characters doing the deed (never myself with anybody else though).

Also, this final part may will sound extremely cheesy so I apologize in advance but sometimes I see characters being all soft and adoring and affectionate with eachother and I kind of think f*ck man I want that. That could just be the whumper in me always seeking that comfort side of things that is so lacking though or maybe it’s just me thinking I want it because it’s supposed to be what everyone wants in life.

This was only supposed to be a short ask and instead you got an entire essay of me rambling about myself ahsgshsh, I’m so sorry! My mind is literally a mess😂.

TL;DR Idk I’m just very confused 🤔

Mod reply below:

Hi hun!! Don’t worry about a long message cause my reply got just as long lol.

I'm really glad you felt comfortable coming to me with this and I'm more than happy to help if I can!

First let me tell you a bit about how I worked out that I am both asexual and aromantic (this might be a jumbled mess so I apologize in advance for that)

So I found asexuality in 2014 and pretty damn quickly accepted and knew that I was asexual. I went through the tumblr tag (back when it was full of people’s experiences and feelings and so much positivity) and related strongly to other asexual people’s experiences. Some of those things included:

Not wanting kids

Having absolutely zero interest in ever having sex. Can go my whole life without and be just fine thanks

Not once have I seen another person and thought about having sex with them

Thought sexual attraction was either a myth/made up or only developed after you knew the person for a long time

Don’t understand why people on tv break up with each other over sex. It’s not that important, right?

Thinking people are “hot” or “sexy” but that just means aesthetically pleasing. Like a painting.

Having a sex drive but would rather take care of it myself than have sex. It’s like an annoying itch. I get annoyed, I scratch it, it goes away, I’m good.

Avoided sex ed whenever possible because I was uncomfortable with sex.

Don’t read smutty fanfic.

Sex on tv makes me uncomfortable not aroused.

Why are people obsessed with butts??? I don’t get it.

Hate when main characters get together in tv shows because that usually means they’re going to have sex and WHY DO THEY NEED TO HAVE SEX?? Isn’t love enough? I don’t get it!!

The idea of getting married and having to have sex with that person that night is horrifying.

All the universal asexual symbols and things that the community has. Like the playing cards, the black ring, the aces love cake, aces love pizza, that stuff. I loved and agreed with every single one. I know the other sexuality do this do but I never saw those, laughed, and went “yeah that’s me!” Just asexuality.

It only took a day if researching before I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was asexual. All these experiences and feelings my fellow asexuals felt really fit with my own experiences.

HOWEVER

My aromantism was a lot harder for me to pin down. I think I went through 4 different romantic orientations before working out how I felt. It was all so confusing and I couldn’t tell what was romantic, what was sexual, and what was neither. I didn’t understand it at all and I spent a long time confused. With sexual attraction I knew I didn't feel that. Never once felt that desire to have sex with a specific person. Not ever. But romantic? I thought I had felt that. Couldn't be sure though. I'm sure now but back then I was very confused. I started thinking I was hetero-romantic because I was only every "interested" in guys but it didn’t quite feel right. Next I found the word cupioromantic which was you don't feel romantic attraction but you still desire a romantic relationship. I wore that label for a short time but once again it wasn’t quite right. Every time the possibility of a relationship into my life I ran cause I didn’t want it. Next I found lithromantic which is you feel romantic attraction but as soon as its reciprocated it goes away. I thought hey that’s it! But I finally I took a very hard look at myself and my interactions with people and what it was I actually did feel and decided that I was truly aromantic. I just didn’t want to be labeled as such because I was a huge romantic and I felt like this label meant I couldn’t have one. It took a while but now I know that isn’t true at all. I know now that I don’t actually want a relationship but I want the closeness with someone that being in a relationship entails. I can get that with friends. I went through the times I thought I had felt romantic attraction and tried to fit them into the attractions above. What I felt for that one girl in my English history course? Yeah that was platonic? That actor I think is super hot? That's aesthetic. I'd love to just cuddle with and be touched by my one friend? Sensual. The one guy I dated? Yeah I only dated him because he liked me not because I felt anything for him.

Other things that helped me realize I don’t feel romantic attraction:

I have had one boyfriend my entire life (high school, lasted 10 months) and I hated it. I didn’t like holding hands with him. He asked to kiss me and I told him no. I thought (still do) that kissing was gross and no way did I want to do that. I hated when he kissed my cheek or held me too long. I didn’t understand his strong emotions toward me nor did I understand why people dated. I didn’t get it. I didn’t like it.

I have had fake crushes/faked “they’re hot, would totally hit that” because I thought i was supposed to feel that way about people. Everyone had crushes or wanted to kiss and have sex with someone else. I never did. Didn’t get it.

I thought a crush was someone you chose. Like, I thought you went “That guy/girl is funny and nice. I now decide to have a crush on him.” But apparently that is not true at all.

I have no desire to get married or date. In fact I prefer to live my life without it.

I’ve never looked at someone and felt or developed what can be described as romantic feelings.

Those times I thought I did were really just platonic feelings. I wanted to be their friend. Not their girlfriend.

I think whumperflies are the closest I’ve ever come to feeling something akin to sexual attraction but I personally don’t classify it as sexual attraction. I also get that feeling seeing someone get comforted and being soft and affection and wanting that. For me, I think that’s me being touch starved af. I’d love to have someone to cuddle with and have it not be sexual or romantic. Sounds like maybe you do too. And that’s okay :)

Based on your words and feelings I'd suggest you take a look at the following terms. They might help you pin down how you feel. They certainly helped me

Demisexual/Demiromantic: where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

Gray Asexual/Gray Romantic: in which a person may only experience sexual attraction on occasion

Sex repulsed/neutral/positive: How you feel towards sex and/or having sex. You can be positive about it, feel repulsed by sex and sexual acts, or be completely neutral about it

Sexual attraction: looking at someone and wanting to have sexual content with them.

Romantic attraction: wanting to have a romantic relationship with a certain person.

Aesthetic attraction: thinking someone is pleasing to look at. Appreciating their appearance.

Sensual attraction: wanting to touch/cuddle/be physically close to a person.

Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with a person

To me it sounds like you could be demi or gray but it’s ultimately up to you. If you feel like any of those terms fit you then don’t be afraid to accept that label. And if you change your mind as you learn more about your self and want to use a different label then that’s totally cool! Like I said, I went through 4 different romantic labels before finding one that fit. Try things on and see how it feels for you.

I also suggest checking out some of these blogs because I found them really helpful. @asexualityexists @asexualfacts @asexualawarenessweek @acejokes @thehumorousace @outer-space-aro-ace @a-spec-tacular @life-of-an-asexual

You can also feel free to scroll through my main blog asexual tag if you want. http://thewanderingace.tumblr.com/tagged/asexual

I don’t know if any of this was helpful or not but if you have any other questions don’t be afraid to message me! I’m happy to help where I can!

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

Labor of Love Chapter 6 (END): A Critical Role Fanfic

And so we come to the end! This chapter is a bit shorter, most due to being a wrap up chapter and a proper ending. And we're getting Critical Role tomorrow!!!!! It's an exciting time for everyone really. I would just like to say, thank you to every single person who reviewed and supported this fic. Just know that I love you all, and hope that your next bite of dessert is as sweet as how you've all been to me and I'm happy to have been a source of something light and cute in a strange time. <3

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Read on AO3

Preview:

It was the morning of the ceremony, and Essek was stressed. Of course there wasn’t much in the world that was more stressful then having an event with Leylas Kryn herself. She demanded as close to perfection that every person could understandably achieve and then some, that was just her style. Essek respected that of course, she was still the most powerful woman in Xhorhas for that very reason. But it didn’t make any of this very enjoyable. In fact, Essek was counting down the minutes until it would be socially acceptable to throw back at least two shots of something hard that burned all the way to his belly. 

And also when he might steal a kiss from a certain Zemnian wizard, but that was neither here nor there. 

“Who do I need to kill?” Nedna demanded hotly as she grabbed at her phone and tapped at her screen impatiently as if that would make whatever message she was hoping to come through come faster. “The flowers were supposed to be delivered a half-an-hour ago for the wedding party.” 

“Oh please,” Essek scoffed as he tapped on the screen of his tome-pad and showed her the delivery app from his account. On the screen it showed the location of the delivery just one street over from the venue itself, before he minimized it. “As if you have the stomach for murder. Leave that up to the professionals.” 

Nedna scoffed but seemed content to pout and not whine. Essek was thankful, because he hated when people whined at him. It was part of the reason why he was so good at solving problems. Essek sighed as his shoe tapped a rhythm, the only one that he could think of at the moment was Sweet Caroline, which made Essek think of Caleb and the Mighty Nein and he knew he couldn’t have been thinking about them but- 

“What are you nervous about?” Nedna asked breaking his concentration and causing him to lose the beat.

“What do you mean?” Essek asked, incredulously. 

“You’re fidgeting,” Nedna pointed out. “You don’t fidget. You don’t get nervous.” 

 “Contrary to popular belief, I do have emotions,” Essek said with a roll of his eyes as he checked his phone for what must have been the thousandth time that day, discreetly he hoped. “In fact, I’m waiting to hear from my date.” 

“Your date?” Nedna asked, eyebrows raised and jaw slack with surprise. 

“Am I not allowed to have one?” Essek inquired haughtily, turning up his nose at her like the blue-blood he was. 

“You didn’t add anyone to the list,” Nedna said, now sitting up at attention. Essek could see her calculating it out in her head and coming up with the wrong answers, so he figured it would be prudent to nip this in the bud before she could go blather on to the Kryns...or Luxon forbid his mother.  

“I don’t need to add someone to the list if they are already on the list, correct?” Essek scoffed impatiently. “Or did I need to put an asterisk and highlight it in red to signify the importance to my love life?” 

“Do you always have to be patronizing?” 

“When people ask me stupid questions? Yes, I do.” 

“Luxon help whoever is in a relationship with you,” Nedna said with a snort. 

“Well, it certainly helps that I actually enjoy their company and they enjoy mine. That’s the way functional relationships work, you ought to try it sometime,” Essek said as finally he got a message from Jester. It read, after a disgusting amount of emojis, that they had finished the cake and were in the process of getting it ready for transport. It would be at the reception on time. Essek could help the sigh of relief that escaped from the gridlock of his teeth. 

“Ha ha, funny,” Nedna said irritated, bringing him unceremoniously back to reality. Essek was about to open his mouth and tell Nedna where she could put her attitude and her cheap looking pumps that she probably wasted a fortune on, when the door opened. Waccoh looked in and gave them both a pinched look of annoyance. 

“It’s time,” a junior assistant said, “Leylas said she needs you two.”  

Essek immediately stood up and dawned his coat once again. In the mirror he quickly checked his tie and was out the door with Nedna on his heels. They got to the room where Leylas was sitting with her bridal party. She was dressed in her wedding finery. The bodice of the extravagant gown was designed to catch the light and glitter as if plated by the stars themselves before draping into beautiful gauzy layers that shimmered as she stood. She wore a beautiful crown encrusted with crystals and designed in geometric shapes that were reminiscent of shards of glass or frosted ice, as her designer fixed the veil. 

“Quana asked for it,” Leylas said, looking a bit thoughtful as her fingers slid along the material of the veil. “I told her that I was much too old for it...but I suppose she was feeling nostalgic.” 

“You look beautiful,” Essek said simply, finding enough breath in his lungs to give her a coherent answer. Leylas was beautiful the way nature was beautiful, totally overwhelming in its majesty and power. Even someone like him could only hope to appreciate it. 

“Thank you,” Leylas said. “Tell me, is everything on time?” 

“The guests are being directed to their proper seats in the cathedral as we speak,” Nedna said, opening up her tome-pad and showing Leylas the livestream of the event. “I was told Quana’s party arrived and are now waiting in the upper floors for the signals. I finally got confirmation that the flowers have arrived and Quana’s party has received them. They will be given to you all before your appearance.” 

“Perfect, and the reception preparations?” 

“All a go, the cake will be delivered, the band is already there and is doing warm ups, and the corrections to the decorations you wished for have been taken care of,” Essek reported. 

“Good, then there is no need to delay,” she said looking to the bridal party gathered in the room. Her makeup artist and designer joined Essek and Nedna as her bridal party exited the room following Leylas like she was the sun and the rest of them were the planets in her orbit. 

“I can’t believe you always work with her,” her designer said, looking slightly faint. Essek realized he was looking at him and Nedna as he made that statement. He was a well dressed half-orc, an up and coming designer who had won Leylas’ attention with his design proposal. Essek could understand why this was intimidating for him, after all, his life was probably going to change after today. He was going to become a household name in Xhorhas. “She’s so intimidating.”

“She has high standards,” Essek said with a shrug. “There is no problem unless you meet them. In that way, she is a very fair boss.” 

“Essek’s the only person in the history of the entire world who has never let down the Kryns,” the makeup artist said with a shrug. “And I can say that because I’ve been doing Leylas’ makeup for the past five years and I know that for a fact.” 

“It’s because I also have extremely high standards for myself,” Essek said, motioning them to follow. “I’m very rarely satisfied with things as they are. That’s what it takes to work for the Kryns.” 

“And also the lack of a social life,” Nedna said. 

“I have more of a social life then you thought I did even an hour ago. That’s another thing, never be too boring. Leylas likes people that surprise her...in the good subtle way. She doesn’t like real surprises, she’s very particular about that,” Essek said as they waited for the Kryn party to get into their limousine. Their own car was pulling up after, and Essek opened the door and allowed the others to get in first. “Has anyone heard from Waccoh about the broadcast by the way? Is that working according to plan? It won’t glitch out or anything right?”

“As far as we can tell,” Nedna said. 

“Good, then there’s nothing to do but stay the course,” Essek said, catching a glimpse of his cellphone.

Good luck with everything today, I’m thinking about you. 

Essek smiled, even just imagining Caleb’s voice could do that to him. That was a simply marvelous thing. 

Same to you. Essek responded before slipping his phone in his pocket and preparing for the battle ahead. 

________________

The ceremony hall was dark, except for the lights that showed around the altar and illuminated the clerics of the Luxon and the royal couple. Essek watched, with breath caught in his lungs at the wonder of it all. As Quana pressed a kiss to Leylas’ lips with the promise of forever dancing over her tongue, Essek wondered what that might be like…wondered at what the taste of their love was like. Even after all this time, was it still the same? 

Based on the way Leylas’ tears shimmered, Essek thought it just might be the case.  

________________

The reception was being held at the Lucid Bastion itself, the castle where the nobility once lived. It was a grand affair, and as such everything was washed with the white and silver of the wedding colors. Guests were handed their goodie bags upon arrival and milled about at the cocktail bars as wait staff in crisp white shirts handed them drinks named ridiculous things like White Blossom, or Mint Twilights. Essek confirmed with the staff that everything was going smoothly, and spoke to a few guests to assure their time was going well before he went to mind other equally important business. 

Essek moved into the reception area, and that was when he saw the cake in full glory. It was of course different then Essek had seen since it before. It was six hexagonal tiers tall, with each tier having a separate intricate design. Flowers fell in cascading tiers of frothy, silk organza ruffled and powdery with delicate blooms. Smattering of embellishments and the catching of edible crystal shards in hidden spots, delicate marzipan birds, and other gems that left something for the eye to catch at every sweep of it’s magnificent form. This all followed the brush of silver that perfectly drew the gaze to each new pleasure accordingly. At the top was the sculpture of both Leylas and Quana looking much and love and very weirdly adorable in their tiny form courtesy of Jester Lavorre.  

“Essek,” Caleb called with a small wave, and Essek tore his eyes away to see him. They were all dressed in tan slacks and white chef’s shirts with the Xhorhaus emblem on the side. It was a good choice for the formal affair, and the light colors really brought out the color of Caleb’s blue eyes. 

“Oh Caleb, it’s beautiful,” Essek told him somewhat breathlessly as Caleb crossed the room. 

“Just wait until they dim the lights for the first dance,” Caleb said proudly. “That’s when the really fun bits start.” 

“Are you talking about funny bits with Essek,” Jester asked as she settled down a tray of desserts for the dessert spread. There were slices of pies with jewel-colored fruit fillings, cookies and macarons in pastels, jellies and puddings and parfaits in glasses, their famous cupcakes with their swirls and sprinkles and glammed up with shimmer-dust. Yasha was placing decorative flowers and vases that had been handed off to her artfully between the display of treats in the most delicate and thoughtful fashion. By each dessert platter there was a little holder of cards, embellished with Xhorhaus Bakery very professionally upon the laminate that Veth was triple checking and double checking before seeming satisfied. 

Essek picked up one of the cards, and smiled. 

“We got those done last week,” Beauregard said as she wheeled out another tray with more desserts. 

“Good for you all,” Essek told them, very pleased as he slid one of the cards into his wallet. Who knew when he was going to need to give it out. “I am so very happy for you, truly.” 

“Do you think the boss will like it?” Fjord asked nervously as Caduceus placed a hand on his shoulder. Essek could understand the nerves, after all the camera crews and the guests would be coming in soon enough. If Essek had learned anything about life from working where he did, it was that any event with Leylas Kryn was bound to be overwhelming in more ways than one. 

“I can say from knowing Leylas Kryn as well as I do, that she’ll be extremely pleased,” Essek promised them all. “This is exactly what she asked for and far more, you have all completely outdone yourselves.”

“Thank you so much, for the opportunity,” Caleb said, reaching to clasp Essek’s hand. 

“No thanks required, you have already done more than enough,” Essek promised them all. Essek was about to say more when Nedna came over, holding her tome-pad. 

“The guests are set to arrive in ten minutes, after which there will be the dinner. At the end of the dinner you will be signalled to begin serving the desserts,” Nedna said without lifting her gaze to even look at them. Essek couldn’t help but bristle. He really couldn’t believe her rudeness...but at the same time he also couldn’t blame her. He would like to think he would always look into the eyes of those who were working with him, that was part of the reason he was successful. Essek did wonder if there had ever been a moment where he had been so nonchalant and found himself glad to be changed even in such a small insignificant way. “As requested the lights will be dimmed as you do so to help emphasize the enchantments on the cake and-oh! Here’s the photographer.” 

Nedna motioned over the photographer who had an expensive looking camera hanging by his neck. 

“I’d like to get a few shots of the cake as well as all of you before everyone comes in,” the photographer said, holding up his camera. 

“Of course,” Caleb said. “Would you like us to be out of the picture at first?” 

The photographer took a few shots of the cake from different angles. Jester did her best to both art direct and distract to Essek’s enjoyment and Nedna’s chagrin. After that, the photographer showed Nedna the photos as well as the Mighty Nein and Essek. Though Essek was sure that a photo couldn’t really capture the beauty of the cake, it was a well composed shot. With Essek’s final nod, the photographer gave a sigh of relief. They all knew this all would, of course, be shown to Leylas before it made it anywhere near the press release. But Essek had always had a good eye for what his employer would like. 

“It looks good,” the photographer said before looking back at the Mighty Nein. “If you guys would like, you should get into the next picture. We can figure out a caption and include it in the media press release as well.” 

“You have to make sure to get my good side,” Veth said, striking a pose, causing Beauregard to give her a playful push. 

“I’m fairly certain that’s his job,” Fjord pointed out with a fond exasperated shake of his head. “Where would you like us?” 

The photographer arranged them so that Yasha, Beauregard, Jester, and Caleb were on one side while Nott, Fjord, and Caduceus were on the other. They were about to take the picture when Jester began waving at Essek. As he was in the midst of this, Essek could see a few of the early arrivals filtering into the room. 

“Come on, Essek! Join us!” Jester said, moving over to the other side and wildly gesticulating at the place where she had been next to Caleb. 

“I’m not sure that’s appropriate,” Essek began to say as Jester placed her hands on her hips and gave him a chiding look. 

“Oh come on, Essek! You helped us so much with the cake!” Jester said. 

“You are one of the team,” Beauregard said with a smile and a shrug. 

“You are basically part of the Mighty Nein just through association,” Veth said. 

“You helped them with the cake?” Nedna asked with a scoff and with a smirk. “You? What? Was it running late?” 

“Yes, I helped my boyfriend with the cake his business made,” Essek snapped at Nedna as he marched himself over to where the Mighty Nein was standing in front of the cake and took his place besides Caleb. “Bite me, Nedna.” 

Nedna couldn’t have looked more shocked then if Essek had slapped her right in her face. Essek took serious enjoyment from watching her gap like a fish as he stood proudly next to Caleb, who placed his arm around his shoulders and smiled brilliantly at him. The photographer took a few pictures, before calling Essek forward. Essek looked at the picture appraisingly. Everyone in the Mighty Nein was looking proud, though, they would have to pick a picture where Caleb wasn’t looking at him. Though it was sweet, he didn’t think that Leylas would particularly want that picture in her press release. 

“Very good,” Essek said. “You’ll want to send either the fourth or the fifth picture to Leylas. Could I give you my details to send the first picture to me? I would love to have it. I’ll be happy to pay for the picture as well.” 

“Of course, I would be happy-” 

“Essek.” 

Essek took a deep breath, channeling the void and smiling his greatest work-mode-activated smile as he turned to face his mother and his very apologetic looking brother who looked like this train wreck was the absolute last thing that he wanted to be dealing with at this exact moment. His mother, dressed in a chic black dress with stilettos that probably could kill a man, tapped out an impatient rhythm as Essek stood before her...as if he were wasting her time merely by existing. Nedna was looking excited to witness the epic scolding that Essek was probably in store for. 

“Hello, Mother,” Essek said with his sweetest and most obliging smile. “How are you enjoying the Vow Renewal so far?”

“I see there is someone you haven’t introduced me to yet? Hm?” Deirta said, her voice eerily calm...the way stepping on a lake two degrees from splintering and sending you down to the depths where you would probably become an Essek-popsicle. 

“Ah! Deirta, there you are!” A voice suddenly cut the tension like a knife. It was Quana, dressed in her gorgeous white suit that had both Beauregard and Yasha choking at the sight. Even as someone who didn’t find women attractive beyond just aesthetics, Quana really packed a punch that had even Essek momentarily questioning himself (though the desire to actually see Quana naked was nonexistent). Deirta, unable to refuse the hug from Quana was helpless but to accept it and the friendly joyful kiss on the cheek. “I haven’t seen you yet all day, how did you like the Vow Renewal Ceremony?”

“Of course it was beautiful, just to be expected but-”

“And Essek, absolutely wonderful job with everything. Really Deirta, you ought to be so proud of your son. He is just a shining example of what the Xhorhassian Institute is capable of,” Quana said with a knowing glint to her eyes. “And Caleb, it's so wonderful to see you again. The cake looks absolutely stunning, I know I speak for both me and my wife when I say I can’t wait for the grand finale. Really Essek, your boyfriend is so talented! You’ll absolutely be the talk of Rosohna with this. In fact, I’ve already heard the ambassador to Marquet’s wife asking about a cake!”

“Ah, ja, thank you so much Mrs. Kryn. I can’t explain how much that means to us,” Caleb said, putting an arm around Essek’s waist. Essek tried to act natural and not like he was two breaths away from passing out from the prolonged exposure to Caleb’s body. “And yes, I did speak to the ambassador’s wife. I am glad she has expressed such interest, and I would be happy to speak to her.” 

“You know, Deirta, she’s the one planning on helping out with the trade deal. She’ll be beyond herself with joy to know that he’s Essek’s boyfriend, especially if that means she gets ahead in the lines of people already lined up.”  

“Oh, really?” Deirta asked, sounding absolutely tickled pink by this new and very profitable connection that she had suddenly made. “Do you think you would be able to introduce me?” 

“Oh it would be my pleasure,” Quana said, holding out her arm to Deirta who took it. “Just don’t tell my wife, she may get jealous.” 

“Oh you two never change,” Deirta said with a joking swat before looking over at Essek and Caleb. “It was lovely to meet you Caleb. We’ll have to do family brunch some time, when things settle down a bit.” 

“Of course,” Caleb said with a very understanding nod, and like that Deirta flounced off to terrorize someone else, Nedna skulked off having not been given the show she clearly had scripted in her own head. This left Verin behind with them. He had watched all of this unfold before him quietly, but just as Essek began to worry about his reaction he gave Essek a weak smile as he approached them. 

“Sorry,” Verin said, sounding like he was apologizing for more than just this interaction. “Though...it will be nice for mother to worry herself about another relationship...besides mine of course.” 

“Oh please she won’t be worried about my relationship, we both know which one of us has the better judgement,” Essek said, smiling up at Caleb and meeting his loving gaze. “Don’t be jealous.” 

“You are a brave man, Mr. Widogast,” Verin said with a roll of his side. “If I had to take Essek’s shit on a regular basis, I would have flung myself out of the nearest window years ago.” 

“I am a very lucky man,” Caleb said, pressing a kiss to Essek’s temple that had Essek smiling like a dopey love sick fool. Essek shook out of it and gave his chest an appreciative pat. “It is nice to meet you though.”

“Likewise. We’ll have to talk some other time, when things aren’t so busy.” 

“Thank you, Verin,” Essek told him honestly, reaching and grabbing his arm and looking him in the eye. Verin was momentarily startled, clearly, since Essek couldn’t recall a moment when he had initiated contact like this with his brother. “Really.” 

“Hey now, don’t get sappy on me,” Verin told him, reaching out, giving Essek a short but heartfelt hug, before pulling away and smiling at him. “We’re Theylss kids, it’s what we do. Besides, we still need to survive the evening.” 

With a final parting wave, he made his way to the table where he was assigned and joined his girlfriend. Essek watched him go, and made sure to make a mental note to buy him something nice for his birthday for a change. He didn’t think that a card and a check was going to cut it this year, all things considered. 

“You guys are official!” Veth screeched, rushing them and sounding breathless. “When? How? What?”

“Congratulations,” Caduceus said, smiling a wide and warm smile. 

“Oh it was super obvious that they were,” Jester said waving at Veth. “It’s not like we didn’t see them smooching the other day.” 

“Smooching is one thing, being together is another!” Veth argued. Essek attempted to grapple with that new information. It had to have been when Essek had dropped Caleb off after that stressful night of desperation baking. Essek felt his ears warm through with the realization that they had had an audience. 

“Well congrats on finally seeing what’s been written all over your faces for like months now,” Beauregard said, giving Caleb an appreciative slap on the back. Caleb gave her a smile that they shared as he reached out and gave her hair a teasing ruffle. 

“It is a wonderful thing,” Yasha said, quietly...softly, and with a sweet small personal smile. 

“I’m happy for you two,” Fjord promised. “It is a wonderful thing, Yasha is right.” 

“Thank you all,” Caleb said, with a glisten to his eyes which couldn’t have just been the light. “But before we really celebrate, we’ve got to make sure this goes off without a hitch.” 

“Caleb is right in that respect,” Fjord said. “Everyone, man your battle stations. We’ve got work to do.” 

“Aye, aye captain!” The rest of the Mighty Nein said with a mock salute. 

“I wish you all the best of luck,” Essek said before pressing up on his toes and giving Caleb the shortest and softest kiss he had ever given in his whole life. “You’ll be brilliant.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” Caleb said, eyes butter-soft blue. 

“I don’t have to be confident. I just know,” Essek said. “I’ll see you all after the fact.” 

With that and a parting wave, Essek made it over to his assigned seat. It was off to the side of the Kryn’s, just in case they were going to need anything. Photographers and videographers were stationed then,  and Quana had disappeared to the back. It was then when the guests had finally filtered into their seats when the announcer announced Leylas and Quana, who appeared to a raucous applause from everyone. Leylas had changed her dress to something more form fitting, but made almost completely out of shimmering jewels that fractured light as she moved with Quana to the head of the table. 

Dinner itself was of a bespoke design, small little dishes of designer appeal that were meant to be consumed in a bite or two before the next round appeared. Essek tasted no flavor, but ate only to bide his time and to look busy. Essek tried not to keep catching Caleb’s gaze from across the room, but it seemed like Caleb himself was an opposite charge pulling Essek’s eyes forward. Eventually though, glasses were refilled with an expensive wine and the lights were dimmed. 

“We hope that our next dish surprises and delights from the Xhorhaus Bakery in Rosohna,” the announcer said. 

Caleb moved his hand in a somatic gesture with the cake knife. With a final flick of his fingers, it was almost like sparks caught dry brush. A glimmer filled the air, like the soft light of dappled trees in autumn, or the filling pool of a hearth, or a cascade of light coming in from a cave mouth. Sugar flowers opened up like they were craning for the sun, light caught in the crystals and scattered them out, marzipan birds nestled between roots flew before settling on other lays, and most impressively those same firefly sparks that moved about the room settled on the candles at every table and lit them with a warm glow. 

When the glow settled into a pleasant mirage, heat casting illusions from a dancing candle flame, there was a mighty clap of applause. Essek could help his smile as all of the Mighty Nein took a short bow before the lights were turned up just a smidge and they began to hand out slices of cakes and other desserts along with the other servers. 

“I hope you enjoy,” Caleb said, settling down a slice for both Quana and Leylas. Leylas said something to Caleb that made him smile, but it was soft enough that Essek couldn’t parse it out. Then he came over to Essek’s table with the rest of the planning team, settling down a piece for every and then pausing in front of Essek. “Let me know how you like it.” 

Essek didn’t wait before taking a bite. 

The cake itself was tender and its crumbs disappeared in the mouth with the heady taste of brown sugar and almond and vanilla, then cut through with a deep tart black currant syrup that was soaked into the bottom cake while immediately lightened by layer of soft plum jam that fluttered against the mouth like moth wings. And then of course there was the vanilla frosting that was so light and smooth and heavenly that Essek wondered if that was what eating a cloud would be like. As he ate, he was warmed through, bundled up by a fire and held against arms that carried with them the scent of clean wood fires and summer days. And there was the hint of lemon, the hint of sunlight, a hint of Caleb, a hint of the love that gave to Essek until he was bursting at the seams. 

“I love it,” Essek told him, with a smile. 

________________________

Later, when the entire room was dancing and laughing, Essek found himself sitting beside Caleb. His hand was in Caleb’s, while Caleb ran his fingers along the divots of Essek’s knuckles like he was attempting to memorize him by touch alone. Essek did nothing to discourage him, and simply leaned just a bit closer. 

“I like my job,” Essek said as he watched Quana dip Leylas and plant a kiss to her. Leylas squawked indignantly, but based the pleased purple flush to her skin, she didn’t seem to mind. “But I’m beginning to think, perhaps, my days off are a little too idle. I always need to be busy.” 

“Really?” Caleb asked curiously, as Veth and Beauregard were flipping a coin. When it landed Beauregard swore as Veth swiped her drink and took it herself. Yasha and Jester watched this and laughed. Fjord clapped Caduceus on the back and both of them laughed at a joke that had obviously been told at someone’s expense. 

“Is there still an opening available for a barista or has the position been filled?” Essek asked Caleb curiously.  

“I may have to move a few interviews around, but as long as your recommendations are good I don’t see why we can’t make it work,” Caleb chuckled, slinging his arm around Essek, and Essek pulled in close against him.  “I may take up your offer, Mr. Theylss, if you are so inclined.” 

“You better be careful,” Essek joked. “Remember what I said, you give me an in and you’ll be only a partner soon.” 

“Only a partner?” Caleb asked in return. “I don’t think there’s anything I would like more. A baking’s a labor of love, and I can hardly only imagine what will happen when we stuff more love in that place.” 

“We might take over the world,” Essek pointed out with a laugh. 

“With our friends? Absolutely. Let’s! But you will have to tell me what flavors you think everything should be.”

“Lemon,” Essek laughed as Caleb grinned at him in return. And so the dancing went on and the evening turned to night, but Essek was held safely in the arms of a man that he loved. Essek couldn’t believe that there would ever be anything sweeter than that.

[twdteacakes]

TWDG Oneshot Game - May 2020 Prompt

Unfulfilled Plans

A/N - So this fun challenge was created by @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale. It allowed me to go outside me comfort zone and write a fanfic including characters I don’t usually work with. Since the theme was unrequited love, I thought it would be interesting to explore whether or not Marlon had feelings for Brody before and after the raider incident. However, I personally don’t ship Marlon and Brody. I think there’s too much toxicity that surrounds their relationship, so I’d never want to see them get together. I hope the inclusion of Marlon as the central character doesn’t put people off, but if it does, then I completely understand.

“...So, after the hunting trip, I’ll lead Brody back to my office. Then, I’ll show her the picnic basket that I’ve already setup on the balcony. We’ll eat our candy bars and y’know, shoot the shit, and that’s when I’ll tell her how I feel.” Marlon finished explaining his elaborate plan.

Louis sat opposite him at the picnic table, completely slack jawed. “Whoa. I never pinned you as the romantic type, but… That actually doesn’t sound half bad. I think she’ll love it.”

Marlon’s pale blue eyes sparkled with hope and elation. “Really?”

“Yeah, dude, of course!” Louis replied, hoping to sooth his best friend’s worrying and banish any nagging doubts. “You agree with me, right, Mitch?”

Mitch was sitting to Marlon’s right, busying himself with a wood carving and not paying attention in the slightest. He paused, silver blade mid-stroke, and briefly glanced up. “Oh uh, yeah sure.” He mumbled, before returning to his current activity. 

Marlon frowned at Mitch’s total lack of interest in their conversation, since it carried so much weight and importance. However, he ultimately decided not to challenge him on the subject - after all, Mitch was never the social type.

“What about you, Aasim?” Louis asked, searching for a second opinion, as well as a way to brush off that awkward encounter.

Aasim was perched on the table’s edge with his back to the trio. The best response he could offer was a cartoonish shrug, although he seemed to be holding his tongue.

“Oh come on, you must have something to say.”

“Well… If I were you, I wouldn’t go through with it- at least, not today. The food situation is stressing everyone out, so unless you bring back something worthwhile, I doubt Brody will be in the mood.” Aasim finally weighed in with a factual response.

Marlon felt his heart sink like a lead balloon. Meanwhile, Louis scoffed and shook his head. “Alright, Mr Killjoy, thanks for that.” 

“You asked!” Aasim snapped back.

“Forget it.” Louis muttered, before addressing Marlon directly. “Dude, don’t listen to these knuckleheads, they haven’t got a clue what they’re talking about. You and Brody are gonna need to unwind, so this is the perfect time for a date. You totally got this!”

“I got this. I got this.” He whispered, repeating those words of encouragement like a mantra. A smile crept across his face, as he daydreamed about the date which awaited him - where he and Brody would relax on a red checkered picnic blanket, and gaze wistfully at the starry night sky. He had romanticised such an occasion countless times, but never believed it would actually come to fruition. But now, it was only a few hours away. He could hardly contain his excitement.

“Speak of the devil.” Louis commented, gesturing with a flick of his head at something not within Marlon’s line of sight.

Marlon glanced over his shoulder, to see Minerva and Sophie approaching the school gates, along with Brody in tow. The morning sun kissed her rich, pale skin and set her red hair ablaze. She caught his eye, and a smile painted her rosy cheeks as she waved. Marlon’s heart kicked into overdrive, and for a split second, he thought he might keel over on the floor and die.

He could feel his lips twitching and palms sweating profusely as he waved back. And just like that, their short interaction was over, and Brody turned away, returning her attention to the twins.

Marlon swallowed hard, attempting to combat the lump forming in his throat, before forcing himself to stand. His legs quivered, reduced to jelly. “Well, time to go.” He declared, his voice cracking.

“Good luck, man. I’ll be rooting for you.” Louis said, treating his best friend to a wide, toothy, confident grin.

“You’ll need it.” Mitch chimed. Perhaps he had been listening after all.

He ignored that snarky comment and gave Louis a small nod, expressing his gratitude through body language. He then collected his bow and headed towards the hunting party, even though his body was screaming at him to run in the other direction. “You three ready to head out?” 

“Think so.” Sophie answered. Brody was quiet - most likely because she wanted to get this over and done with.

“Where’s Vi?” Marlon questioned, addressing Minerva in particular, since her presence was not anticipated. 

“She wanted to stay behind, so I said I’d go instead.”

“Fair enough.” He responded, feigning interest. “Alright everyone, let’s go. We’re burning daylight.”

Minerva and Sophie exited through the gate first, while Marlon hung back. “Hey, Brody, can I talk to you after we get back?” He requested. “Privately.”

Her brow became knitted with confusion, but she masked that impulsive reaction with a pleasant smile. “Sure.”

Marlon’s heart soared, whilst he had to stifle a relieved laugh. “Great. Can’t wait.”

-------------

“I forgot all about you.” Marlon whispered softly. He stared at the picnic basket, which had been jammed into the cupboard many moons ago, with a somber expression. Laying eyes on that object again rattled him to the very depths of his core. Why did I never get rid of it? He questioned internally. It’s just sitting here, collecting dust. Did I take the candy bars out? Ugh, I don’t even want to imagine what state they’re in now. 

I guess… I could just never bring myself to do it.

He gently shut the cupboard door and continued rummaging through his desk drawers, searching for a bandage. His arm was in bad shape, and needed immediate medical attention. He had slashed it on a piece of rebar whilst refortifying their defences, and there was no end in sight to the bleeding.

A knock at the door halted Marlon in his tracks. His first instinct was to ignore the visitor, but when they persisted in their knocking, he knew he had to take action. “Not now!” He shouted.

“It’s me.” Brody’s muffled voice replied.

“Brody- come in!”

The door creaked open, and Brody stepped inside. “What happened here?” She questioned, wearily eyeing the blood trail, and the state of disarray his office was in.

“Nothing, it’s just-” Marlon paused to take a breath, in an attempt to calm his shot nerves. “I can’t find a damn thing in here.”

“Do you need some help?” She offered.         

He slumped down in the comfy, leather, reclined chair and mopped his forehead. “Please.”

Brody walked over to the mattress situated in the corner, where Rosie was sleeping peacefully. She crouched down, and tore off a small piece of fabric from the blanket, before approaching Marlon. She floated through the delicate, silver moonlight like a ghost, and in that moment, he saw how incredibly exhausted she was. How tired her once brilliant, glistening, sapphire eyes had become.

She silently cupped his injured arm and began to wrap the makeshift bandage around the deep cut. He did not protest - the only thing that escaped his mouth was the occasional hiss, as he winced in pain. 

“It’s almost been a year.” She uttered, in the ghost of a whisper.

“Huh?” Marlon barely managed to croak out.

“It’s almost been a year… Since the twins-”

“Brody.” He interrupted, on the verge of snapping. He saw her shudder. “We swore we wouldn’t talk about that. Ever.”

“Right. I’m sorry.” Brody apologised. Her voice quivered as she blinked rapidly, fighting back tears that yearned to break free. She sped up, and finished bandaging his wound in record timing. “There, all done. That should heal in no time.” She stated, readjusting her brave-faced mask, after it had momentarily slipped. She then retreated to the other side of the desk, whilst Marlon checked her handiwork.

“So… Was there something you wanted?” He asked, meeting her skittish gaze. 

“No, not really. Well- sort of. It doesn’t matter. I should go.”

Oh. She came here to talk about the twins. Marlon thought, the realisation finally sinking in. He watched as she headed towards the door. He only found his voice when her hand grasped the cold, metal knob. “Wait!”

She froze, and glanced back at him. Misery swirled around her irises like a dark, twisting vortex, and he knew he was the source of such suffocating guilt and shame. What even was their relationship anymore? Did it have a label? It was impossible to wrap his head around. This secret… It had brought them closer together, but also driven a wedge between them. The damage was irreversible.

A year ago we were supposed to be starting a new chapter in our lives.

“...You don’t have to go. I’d actually like the company.” He stated, his tone oozing with sincerity, along with hints of desperation. Please don’t go. You’re the only one who understands- the only one who could ever understand.

Brody hesitated, torn between two choices. Eventually, her gaze settled once more on the mattress in the corner. “Rosie will keep you company. Just- try to get some sleep, okay?”

And with those parting words, she vanished. 

Although disappointed, Marlon wasn’t surprised. His crush on her had faded, but some feelings still lingered. However, he knew in his heart she would never reciprocate those feelings. Besides… Those days where he could happily daydream about picnics and star gazing were long gone.

[lupizora]

On My Fanfiction Origins (or how an obscure book series ignited my love for producing fan-related content)

Today is the day I get to talk about the Unexplained Series.

Coincidentally, it’s also the sole book series that kickstarted my fanfiction writing career; albeit without me having a complete understanding of what that meant at the time.

First, let’s start with the basics.

The Unexplained Series was a children/young adult series written by British author Terrance Dicks. Published from 1996 to 2001, with a total of 12 books, it covers the adventures of teenager Matthew (Matt) Stirling and his father professor James Stirling, as they solve cases that mostly involve the existence of aliens. Other supernatural creatures such as ghosts, vampires, and pagan gods—among other things—make an appearance as well.

Both are sole members of the Paranormal Studies department of some undisclosed American Research Institute, with Professor Stirling being the head of the department and Matt filling in for his assistant. After a while, other recurring characters appear in the form of Agents from an unnamed British Secret Service that deals with supernatural threats together with other Secret Services around the globe.

The actual overachieving plot—as not all cases are connected; some even being in a different chronological order from the publication order—is how Matt and his dad are trying to reconnect after years of being apart. Long story short, Matt’s parents divorced when he was a baby because his dad wanted to focus on his scientific research (when he isn’t forced to be a ghost hunter or questioning his worldview on the paranormal, Professor is by heart a rocket scientist). Matt went to live with his mom and spend some peaceful but father figure-lacking 12 years before his mom passed away. After another couple of years where some extended family took him in, they dropped him in front of his father (not literally) at age 15. Around that time James lost funding for his rocket science projects and took (reluctantly) the job as Head of the PSD. So, both must navigate their estranged relationship while dealing with each new supernatural menace that finds them first. It’s rare to search for it themselves after the first couple of books is all.

Fun times, lots of back and forth snark because they are more alike than they want to admit. Plus, aliens and most of the common supernatural monsters. What more could I possibly want?

A lot more apparently.

Here’s the deal. Whenever I say there are 12 books in the series, people get really surprised I wanted to write a fanfic about it. “Isn’t there enough material already?” is the most common retort on the subject. “Surely, they got you covered.”

The thing is that the average page count of these books is around 100 pages—and trust me. They are normal paperbacks. Plus, the writing is pretty bareboned. It was as if I was reading a hybrid script with enough description and character development for a regular TV series episode (given the author himself was also writing books and scripts for Doctor Who, it’s not that surprising). Despite some things improving narrative-wise during the span of those 12 books, like father and son getting closer to an understanding of each other and the supernatural events occurring around them, I still felt like there had to be more to it. That those parts which were supposed to be important were overlooked, glossed over, or dare say, not given the depth they deserved.

I admit this story went off the rails and fast. But going back to it after ten years, there are lots of salvageable parts to work with. I also realized I hadn’t written down most of the plot points I had come up with and that’s wild, given I don’t remember much after a couple of months anymore. Guess it goes to show how fond of it I had been to still remember them. Maybe it also had something to do with the fact Matt was my first fictional crush, but I digress.

The funniest part of it all was that I thought the author was a woman for a long time. I don’t know why. It probably had to do with a mistranslation on his author's bio. But I was even more surprised to learn he had been involved this much with Doctor Who. You’d think the publishing company would have used it more to their advantage for the books to sell. Then again, only recently I met people who know about this series and both were from the same country as me. Maybe it wasn’t something that caught on with its actual British audience.

Who knows.

Even if the author never learns how much he inspired me, as he sadly passed away last year. Even if the audience for it is going to be me and my RL friends. Even if it’s just one speck in the grand scheme of things, I’m still going to do it.

It’s a story I want to write and that’s enough for me.

[jimlingss]

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild. 

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

[faejilly]

Hey I'm curious, do you know anything about the actual world "Affairs of the Court" takes place in. I've been thinking about writing a fanfic/novelization of my playthrough. But I can seem to get any info about the world & how it all actually works tbh. (there's no wiki 😥) And I totally understand if you don't know any more or less then I do, I'd just thought I'd ask considering you're one of the most knowledgeable blogs I could find in the fandom so far. Thanx 😁

oh, hey there nonny! (Whether I know anything or not, I adore talking about Choice Games, especially that one, so no worries

I vaguely recall reading one of the writers talking about the setting, but I think it was in reference to the much more specific Victoriana/Steampunk flavor of her Choice by Gaslight or the explicitly Austen/Navy combo in Choice of Broadsides rather than in favor of Choice of Romance specifically? Plus I can’t find it again, so that’s no help, nevermind.

(I was disappointed when A Study in Steampunk: Choice by Gaslight came out with a male only lead, but in said essay/interview that I cannot find, she made reference to people really not buying into the lack of gender discrimination in her historical games before. And to be fair, as a Holmes/Watson homage, I can see her point? It’s a very good game, I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever dabbled in IF/cyoa, but fair warning, you have to play as a boy.)

ANYWAYS

The setting for Choice of Romance is not supposed to be anywhere very realistic in terms of our history, but I always took it as very very vaguely 1500′s England; the Monarch is very clearly reminiscent of Henry VIII, and the relationship between you and Sahra is similar to how well England and France did not get along for hundreds of years. I mean, there’s a clear Spanish influence in the names and aesthetic, and some Regency mannerisms on top, though, so you could wiggle that around a bit to find a time-period or location you’d like to use for reference. That’s part of the fun of fic!

A wiki for that game would be nice, it’s certainly got some interesting bits of world-building going on; you could check out the forum though, so if there’s any useful conversations there to give you a hand? https://forum.choiceofgames.com/c/choice-of-games-games/affairs-of-the-court/42

[takerfoxx]

Right, okay, let’s talk about Maleficent: Mistress of Evil.

Oh boy, do I have a lot to unpack here. And, uh, content warning for discussion of rape and genocide.

Right, let’s start with my thoughts on the first one. Overall, I liked it a whole lot, but mostly I’m astounded that it got the go-ahead in the first place. I mean, a bizarre subversive take on Sleeping Beauty of all things that recasts Disney’s most iconic villain as a sort of anti-hero with a heavy feminist slant that had a blatantly unsubtle rape metaphor as its centerpiece? It should have been a trainwreck! Hell, it almost was a trainwreck, one that threatened to jump the tracks the entire runtime! It shouldn’t have worked, it almost didn’t work...but it still did.

Part of that was just how committed everyone involved was to its own mad premise. Say what you want about the idea, but it was ballsy as hell, and it totally went all in with...everything. I mean, you kind of have to just to make something like this work, as any kind of drawback or halfass would’ve caused the whole thing to come crashing down, so the only chance you’ve got is to point the whole endeavor straight at that brick wall and slam your foot down on the ignition. And it went in deep, recontextualizing King Steffen as a paranoid, manipulative, power-hungry madman; the three fairies as total dolts; Prince Philip, someone who might seem dull in comparison to later princes like Aladdin, Eric, or the Beast, but was still the most proactive prince Disney had at that point, as kind of a duffer whom Maleficent had to literally drag along on his own quest and who was understandably squeamish about kissing an unconscious girl against her will; Daival as a dashing sidekick; and completely flips the Maleficent/Aurora relationship on its head. That’s the sort of thing you see in those What If? fanfics that you tend to obsess over in highschool, and it comes packing all of the raw emotion of one of those fics, and because of that it pulls its own crazy premise off. Yes, it was flawed. Yes, there were things that didn’t work. But they almost don’t matter in light of just how impressive it was that they managed to pull something this audacious off.

And as for the rape metaphor...actually, scratch that. Let’s call a spade a spade, okay? It wasn’t a metaphor, that was straight up a rape. Maybe it wasn’t sexual, but what a lot of people forget is that rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power. It’s about dominating another person to take their power away so that the aggressor can feel powerful, and that’s how it was played, and they committed to showing it in all of its ugliness. I mean, holy shit that takes balls.

But the bulk of the reason why it worked was because of Angelina Jolie.

I mean, what an absolutely mesmerizing performance! The OG Maleficent was so memorable in part because everyone else in that movie kind of...wasn’t, but also because she was super cool and super badass and totally in love with being THAT BITCH! And Angelina Jolie absolutely owns that role.

I mean, she is Maleficent. She just took a DNA test, and I don’t need to tell you what the results are. She embodied all of that iconic character’s regal majesty, menace, cruelty, confidence, and knowing that she was the badass bitch to ever vamp about in a long black gown with a bitching pimp staff just ready to show up uninvited and wreak some unholy vengeance, and then some. There is no longer any need to wonder where your god is, because she is right there, and she is all out of mercy.

But then she goes and gives actual depth to a really awesome but still kind of one note character, from the young innocence before she was betrayed to genuinely bonding with young Aurora to her desperate heartbreak over being unable to break her own curse to actual fear when it seems that the mad king has finally got her to...well, the agony of betrayal when she wakes up and fully realizes what Steffen has done to her. That’s a wide range of emotions to have to portray in a character only known for being smirkingly evil or ragingly evil, but she goes in hard, and basically holds the whole haphazard production together through the sheer gravitational pull of her performance.

So when they announced a sequel, I was intrigued. In fact, I was hoping for another totally insane, probably a bad idea production that just goes HAM on whatever crazy topical stuff it wants to talk about with Angelina Jolie just owning everything she touches.

But what it turned out to be...

Sigh.

Okay.

Let’s do this.

All right, I won’t go into specific plot details until I reach the spoiler cut, because they’re not really important. What I want to get across is the first third of this movie, it really had me. It was good! It had everything I liked about the first one. Different situation, sure, but we had Maleficent being Maleficent and bouncing off other characters, both old and new, and it was good.

Then the second third rolled around, and things started to come apart. I mean, it didn’t totally lose me or anything, there was a lot of good stuff, we learn a lot of cool lore, there’s a kickass Zootopia-type place we visit with a whole bunch of biomes, and I was generally okay with how things were, assuming that they could stick the landing. But the big problem here was that there was a whole lot less of Maleficent. Oh, she was there, sure, but she wasn’t really...doing much, mostly just walking around while some other character explained exposition to her, to which she barely even reacts, so we’re left with Aurora and Philip and Michelle Pfieffer as the new evil queen to do all the heavy lifting. And they do an admirable job of it I suppose (though the lack of romantic chemistry between Aurora and Philip was really noticeable here), but this part was seriously missing Angelina Jolie’s overwhelming presence that the first movie had, so the seams started to show.

And then we get to the third act, and that’s where it all fell apart for me. So, I guess it’s spoiler time.

Long story short, the main plot is that Prince Philip’s mom is evil and is trying to arrange for the total genocide of all of Maleficent’s fairy subjects in the Moors so that the humans can take over. And she does this by first poisoning the king with the same curse Aurora was originally under and blaming it on Maleficent (okay, that works), have Maleficent sniped when she tries to flee with an iron bullet (makes sense), come up with a special iron/magic flower compound that is fatal to fairies (good so far), and luring the Moors inhabitants in with the promise of being wedding guests, locking them in the cathedral, and dousing them with this fairy killing dust. And just in case, she also has the entire castle barricaded and guarded with a whole bunch of fairy killing dust weapons and traps.

You know what? For an evil plot, she really worked out most of the contingencies, and it nearly succeeds, though the question must be asked of why the Moors inhabitants just stroll right in after their guardian just straight up disappears after doing the same thing. But anyway, she gets as far as actually locking up all the fairies and pelting them with the killer dust.

But then the castle is attacked. See, all through the second act, Maleficent is rescued by the rest of her people, the Dark Fae, and it turns out that they’ve slowly been forced by humans to retreat to a single sanctuary, but they’re ready to reclaim their homelands by force, and after seeing her people’s sacred burial grounds defiled and the Dark Fae that saved her assassinated by humans, Maleficent is feeling pretty okay with that. In fact, the warmonger Dark Fae that’s all for violence and who leads the attacks makes a point that Maleficent has powers that not even they possess and could be their secret weapon. I mean, just have her show up and be all Mistress of Evil. Makes sense, right?

Buuuuuuut, then they attack the humans and...just sort of leave her behind? Like, she just stays with the dying dude who sacrificed himself to save her and was the one espousing a peaceful solution, and no one bothers to try to get her to come along despite her having every reason to kick all sorts of ass? Like, they have the forest magic going for them, sure, but she’s packing that green fire of I WIN, YOU LOSE, and they just...don’t take her with them?

Huh?

And as predicted, the humans unleash all their killer dust bombs and killer dust missiles and just massacre the Dark Fae. We see several of them just get slaughtered on screen, and meanwhile we also watch the Moor fairies also getting massacred in what amounts to a fucking GAS CHAMBER, complete with several of them straight up dying on screen, including one of the three fairies! No, I’m being serious, they straight up kill the Blue Fairy!

But then Maleficent shows up fashionably late, green fires all the humans into submission, has her big faceoff with the queen, there’s a bunch of stuff with Aurora and Philip trying to get everyone to stop fighting, there’s a big fakeout GOTCHA with Maleficent dying to save Aurora but coming back because I guess she’s the Phoenix or something, then the queen gets captured and turned into a goat and everyone’s friends now so they all get together and let Aurora and Philip have their wedding because the power of love wins in the end!

...

wat.

Okay, so there is something to be said for the letting peace and understanding win out and refusing to continue the cycle of violence, but, um, wasn’t there, you know, A FUCKING GENOCIDE HAPPENING NOT TOO LONG AGO? And by not too long ago, I mean literally five minutes? We see Dark Fae and Moor fairies dying en mass! And they don’t come back! I mean, there’s a sly hint that the Blue Fairy lives on as a flower or something, but that’s not really elaborated on, and we literally see a whole bunch of people get massacred! But now we’re just going to have a wedding right over everyone’s conveniently bloodless corpses and everyone’s just fine with it? And the evil queen that arranged this whole slaughter gets humorously turned into a goat and everyone laughs at in, including the recovered king (because apparently to break the curse for good all you needed was to destroy the original spindle, so I guess so much for that touching retelling of True Love’s Kiss from the first movie! Totally unnecessary now!) who just says something like, “I’m sure Maleficent will turn her back...assuming we want her to.” And then he just makes a face as if the queen was just a nagging harpy that was hard to put up with and not a literally murderous despot who tried to assassinate you and bring your kingdom to total war by eradicating the neighbors you were trying so hard to work out a peace with!

No. Fuck that, no! That is bullshit! Choose a path and fucking commit! That’s what the first movie did! It decided it was going to sneak a fucking rape scene into a Disney movie that was to be seen by a lot of little girls, and it went all in, up to and including never blaming Maleficent for wanting to take vengeance and putting all of the blame on Steffen, so it worked! If you’re going to stick in a fucking genocide, then you better show the horrific aftereffects of that genocide, not a weaksauce power of love, everyone’s friends now ending! And make the despising of the queen actually mean something, not just a humorous slapstick humiliation!

Fucking hell, what were they thinking?