#i suppose if there's one thing i can believe in... it's the ability for things to change- for life to take its own path...
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drbased · 3 days ago
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‘Getting started’ ‘getting the ball rolling’ ‘taking the first step’ is a narrative. It’s not real. There is no ‘process’ because the future isn’t real; only the present is is. And only with looking back at your memories you generate a narrative of your life; it’s naturally retrospective. We are narrative creatures who make meaning out of said narrative. But that doesn’t mean the narrative is ‘real’ - it’s a construction of your brain that you need to respect as part of you. Externalising that narrative and pretending it’s ‘real’ is actually a major insult to your brain’s magnificent ability to process and make meaning, and therefore it’s a fundamental insult against yourself.
Some people can use a theoretical future of themselves as motivation, and good for them. But if it’s not working for you, you need to consider why. Despite not being able to get out of bed sometimes, the person who made this comic still made something. Despite having your periodic breakdowns, you still moved your fingers to reblog this post. Compare and contrast the difference between why you do some things and not others. ‘But that’s different -’ yes, it is different. But there are only actions, consequences and what you value. You value not being thirsty, so you take a drink. You value not being broke, so you drag yourself to work. It’s exactly that deep. Narrative makes you forget that you’re always in a direct 1:1 relationship with your environment. And that feels scary, but it’s not - it’s how we’ve always existed, from the very first rudimentary lifeform whose only sign of life was ‘want nutrients -> consume nutrients’. We want to think we’re more sophisticated than that, but we’re not.
Narrative is a comfortable cushion, because narrative makes you forget that when you ‘start the ball rolling’, you don’t magically become a montage, or a cut-scene version of yourself. You’re still there, you’re still making decisions, you’re still feeling some type of way about the stimulus you’re experiencing. Depression is a narrative cushion, and that’s why it feels comfortable. Never feeling responsible for yourself feels safe, but in doing so you communicate to yourself that you don’t deserve to be here (which becomes literal in the form of suicidal ideation).
In my experience, if I can’t get myself to do something, that’s because I actually don’t want to do it. And the reasons I don’t want to do it might make me feel deeply embarrassed: I don’t want to learn pottery if it means I have to take a bus across town to get to the class. I don’t want to read a certain book because it’s too long. I don’t want to prepare that dish because its too expensive. Sunk cost fallacy is one hell of a drug. And narrative has you always feeling outside of yourself, as if you owe something to some universal force of objectivity which is telling you you’re supposed to do those things: you said you were going to do it, you’ve bought the tools, you’ve told your mum, why aren’t you fucking doing it? It’s so easy, what’s wrong with you? But even that’s an abstraction, because in reality nobody is telling you that but yourself. You might not consciously believe in this universal force of objectivity, but you will find yourself bristle when challenged about it. If someone says ‘you don’t have to do that’, you may want to fire back ‘but I do!’
There are only actions and consequences, and what consequences you value. There is. no. ‘should’. There is no ‘have to’. There is no ‘need’. If you stop brushing your teeth, maybe they’ll fall out, and maybe you don’t give a shit. Or maybe the thought of that horrifies you, and suddenly you’re motivated to brush your teeth. Narratives will have you forget that it’s your prerogative as an individual to want, and those wants are never going to pure or 100% correct. That concept is fake as the narrative is. Make no mistake, all these things are useful for us to make more informed decisions so we can live rich, fulfilling lives - but by that nature that means they come from within us and are how we generated meaning and process the world and our selfhoods.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. And as with everything else, that ‘wrong’ is also a constructed concept and is therefore not ‘real’. I still use the word depression to describe what I went through, but I understand now that believing in what society says being ‘mentally ill’ is is exactly what was holding me back. Society says being mentally ill means that you’re broken and wrong and incapable of making rational decisions for yourself. What I discovered is that I’m always a rational agent, and it’s my prerogative to be an individual, and that narrative cushion of depression was actually preventing me from making the decisions for myself that I’ve always known I’ve wanted.
People who have never had depression yet never have exercised, ‘followed their dreams’ or eaten healthily in their lives will be doing exactly the same shit as you and thinking their life is pretty chill whilst you have breakdown after breakdown. The only difference is, those people will stop ‘bedrotting’ the moment their bestie starts a Zumba class and suddenly they’ve caught the exercise bug. They’re not fundamentally more rational people than you just because they don’t have depression; they’re just not reliant on that narrative as you. They’ve not categorised what they’re doing ‘as not exercising’ - they’re just chilling, living their life, and besides the gym is all the way across town. So when suddenly an opportunity for exercise comes along, they’re not burdened with all this narrative - they just want to do the thing, maybe for low-key ‘bad’ reasons e.g. they don’t want to miss out on things their friend is doing, or there’s a hot guy teaching the class.
What I eventually came to learn is that I’m not living in a separate dimension entirely incapable of being like them. In fact, if you’re anything like me with mental health problems you probably have something they don’t: self awareness. And whilst self awareness feels so deeply embarrassing, remember there are only actions and consequences, and what you value. And you exist in reality first, including the reality of you. You can’t ‘old man yells at cloud’ your way outta this one.
The moment I decided to treat my self awareness as a boon instead of a curse is the moment I was able to write aaaaall this shit on tumblr. And is that bad of me, that I didn’t write a book instead? The book is the ‘correct’ route, no? But that’s the thing; I know that if I had stuck with believing that I ‘had’ to write a book, I would have written nothing. Am I so fucked up in the head that I can’t muster up the attention span, to ‘start the ball rolling’ in writing a whole book? I dunno, that’s a narrative categorisation of myself that doesn’t mean anything real. I’m just who I am now so I’d rather work with that. You can call me that if you like, but I’m just chilling.
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lustlovehart · 2 days ago
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I'm more curious about the reverse!Monster au, how are the others test boys and Fellow honest and Skully are like in this version?
I like to believe they’re generally the same as the dorm leaders actually. Unlike regular Monster!Twst who have the 7 wonders as the biggest wanted bounty in the monster hunter field, as well as their pesky magic capabilities, the seven in Reverse Monster!Twst, are basically regular people who are just highly capable at their jobs. The same thing goes for everyone else, they don’t have the super abilities their monster counterparts have, so they’re regular people as well. I can give a general consensus on how all of them meet readers though!
Pairings: Fellow, Skully, Neige, Chenya, Heartslaybul, Savanclaw, Octavinelle, Pomefiore, Diasmonia x Reader
First however, We should go over the others, as some of them aren’t officially apart of the Monster Hunters. Also, there is 100% spelling errors in here, so sorry!! Reversed
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These men are supposed to be Monster hunters
 So why
 Why do they act more fiendish than a Monster like you?!?
Fellow - A con artist on sages quarter who regularly scams people on the streets. Karma catches up to him when he finds you hiding in the shadows, attempting to sell you a fake artifact, only for him to catch a closer look at you, and realize you’re the monster the Hunter organization has been looking for. He should run, but the closer he looks at you
 You’d be quite the attraction
 Many people would pay to see the all-famed beast in a cage! Synopsis: To which Fellow pathetically attempts to catch you, realizing as time goes on, maybe there’s more to you than just money
 Leading to his obsession.
Skully - The information logger of the organization. He doesn’t hunt any monsters down but collects info brought back to make records. He's been obsessed with knowing more about you, as your existence is shrouded in mystery. Imagine his surprise when he’s working late at night, only to look up and realize his (few) pictures of you are missing! His long limbs stumble over to search, he trips when the feeling of a monstrous trait lies on the ground. He’s prepared to run out when he stops and finally realizes who’s sitting there. You look down at him, your eyes following his every movement. Well now
 Now that he knows it's you and not some random, how could he ever let those other Hunters defile you?! Synopsis: Skully finds the love (or monster) of his dreams in his decrepited study room! Now all he must do is hide you away from everyone else
 But how is he supposed to do that when you won’t even answer what you’re doing there?
Neige - A support Hunter, who rather than do the hunting, acts as medical backup on the field. There’s not much to complain about when it comes to him, unlike the other factions. People like the 7 Highers and their upper ranks are looked upon with admiration for their skill, but in the same breath spat at due to their more than disagreeable personalities. Not Neige though, he’s the only sweet person in the field. This is why his co-workers are in shock when they succumb to their wounds, watching Neige tend to the monster who has practically sent them to their graves. Neige looks back with a sad smile, but when he turns it shifts to a smile with great joy. Synopsis: The only healer in the work field, realizes he recognizes you, perhaps from a dream, or maybe another world. But all he remembers is how much he strived to find you again in this reality, slowly abandoning his life, in turn, to live this new one with you.
Chenya- The weird citizen who somehow always finds you. No matter how many trees, rocks, or even heads you throw at him, he just always seems to come back with a smile on his face. He’s not a part of the monster organization hunting you down, but he isn’t normal either. All you know is his name is Chenya, and he wants
 You don’t know what he wants but he’s always there! You wonder if he’s a monster too, but the way he answers no so casually tells you he is just a regular human. So why is he everywhere??? Synopsis: This human holds too much mystery to be sure of his motives, but one thing is for sure, he has a great interest in always staying by you.
Heartslaybul Upper Ranks- They find out about you when they follow Riddle one day on a private job. The moment they see him confront you they silently cheer him on, completely expecting their tyrant of a unit leader to immediately behead you upon sight. When he doesn’t they’re left in a state of confusion, only further enriching the feeling when Riddle doesn’t kill you, but cages you. You escape his grasp once more and all of them overhear the way he whispers.
“I shall not let you escape
!” Now they’re curious as to why Riddle is so set on taking you, not because of the rules of his job, but because of his wants. You’ve successfully swayed the strict Rule-Followers heart, it only makes sense his soldiers have grown curious about you
 They scramble away when Riddle walks in their direction, though now that they look closer
 Are his cheeks blushed red? Ace’s snickers immediately alert their leader's attention, his face instead red with anger. “Are you the reason they’re gone?!” They’re all quick to run as Trey attempts to calm him. Surely, it can’t be that serious, You’ll get that monster next time! Trey is the only one who hears Riddles's confession of not beheading you, but rather
 No, this should be a secret between them.
Ace and Deuce - Officially meet you on a mission, where their luck randomly has them crossing paths with a disguised you. When that cloak falls, the beginning of their infatuation is sparked. They can finally see you up close
 and now they finally understand why Riddle is so obsessed with you. Ace throws a quick smirk at Deuce, silently communicating a plan. They feign worry as they pose as travelers, worried about your safety. They’re lucky you assume them to be innocent merchants and not secret hunters. However
 are merchants usually this close to their clients? They’re basically breathing on you
!
Trey and Cater - You sneak into Trey’s part time bakery on Sages quarter, attempting to try all the food you have never tried. The both of them are assume you’re just a random monster that showed up, giving them extra work. They’re proven wrong when they instead find you. They’re quick to put away their weapons and beckon you over with sweet promises.
Savanaclaw Upper Ranks- First introduced to to the idea of you when they see Leona covered in scratches and bruises, they assume he either went out on a mission, or something else entirely. Their suspicions are proven wrong when they quietly hear Leona mumble your name, kicking rocks as he plans his future trap for his prey (you, though, not even Leonas sure if he can can call you prey. The moment he catches you, he already knows he’s gonna treat you way better than the meat slabbed on his plate). They remember the name quickly, a top rated bounty. Jack is proud at their unit leaders strong strive that hasn’t been seen in so long, while Ruggies wondering if there’s a way for him to get some of that money. One thing is sure, Leona certainly has them interested in you too (accidently).
“Damn monster
 Ruinin’ my sleep
” The two of them watch Leona glare at a flower. They think he’s gonna sand it down to dust. They’re thrown off when he plucks it and pockets with a swiftness that’s honestly funny. Now they need to know who has their unit leader so starstruck.
Jack & Ruggie - Meet you when they’re training. It’s pure chance when the leaves of a tree rustle, a body falling out of its branches. They rush over, assuming it to be an innocent towns person who most likely broke a rib or two. They’re frozen when the body picks its head up, the pretty sight of the most heinous monster in existence (you) blinking at them in a daze. Ruggie laughs as he leans you on his shoulder. Well, now he doesn’t think he wants thatbounty money anymore. Jack was never in it for the reward, but he can’t deny he thinks the same as Ruggie.
Ocatvinelle Upper Ranks- They’re already aware of you from the get go. They were both hiding behind a tree as they witness Azuls first meeting with you. So, in a sense, their first meeting with you was right then, beating Azul with dark bruises before fading into shadows. They never tell him about their excursion though, acting oblivious when Azul vents to them about his encounter with you. Ohh
! He really thought he could get you
! They nod along, subtly feeding into his confidence. My, and they thought he only wanted the status! To think you changed Azul from just one meeting alone
 You are quite the entertainer.
“I’ll get them next time
!” Azul slams his fist down on the desk, his weapons clattering at the impact. Usually, he would care about such damages, it’s expensive furniture! But the look on his face is something entirely different, as if he couldn’t care about that fortune anymore. What would it matter if he can’t lavish you in it? He buries his head in his hands, glancing over at the golden conch on his table. Monster like shiny things don’t they? Perhaps you’ll come out to him when you see it’s glimmer. Jade and Floyd giggle as Azul scrambles to form a basket of glittery objects. Jade shines the gold necklace in his hand, it’s comforting to know they all had the same idea~
Jade & Floyd - They finally meet you face to face after such a long time of only knowing your elusive nature, all because they flashed diamond and gold in the moons light. Despite the way you snarl and throw insults at them, they don’t seem fazed one bit. “Ehh, Shrimpy’s kinda pretty up close huh?” Jade nods along. That uniform of theirs looks familiar... That slimy hunter..! Though
 You think you might prefer him over these two

Pomefiore Upper Ranks- Another pair (#3) who stalk their unit leader. Though, Completely unwilling for Epel. The sight of a disheveled bruised and beaten Vil is distraughting for Rook, he’s only narrowly held back by Epel who clings to him. He whispers warnings to the blonde, if you got out there you’ll die! But to let a comrade in arms perish despite being so near must be a much more horrible fate! He’s already pulling back the string of his bow to kill an ugly beast like you. But then, Vil ducks out of the way, the moonlight hitting you, and allowing both of them to see the sight Vil saw so up close. The bow drops down as Rook gasps. My... You are the epitome of beauty.
“How horrible
” Vil sits up from the dirty spot on the floor, dusting off his uniform. Rook and Vil are ready to run up to him, but stop when they notice Vil lift an object up to the light, a sadistic laugh of victory escaping his throat. “Yet amazing.” a bottle of crimson liquid illuminates with the moon behind it. “You and I, should be the fairest together.” he covers the glass container in a sack. “But first, I should strive to become much fairer.” Epel is left quirking an eyebrow at a teary eyed Rook. He doesn't know why
 But he feels like Rook wants to both hunt you, and court you.
Epel & Rook - Meet you because of Rook somehow picking up your disguised figure in an overpacked crowd. You’re unsuspecting to the hunters that lurk behind you, wanderingly aimlessly in your next feast. You’re about to open your mouth and take your first bite of a meal, when a gloved hand covers your mouth and brings you into the body heat. A mysterious blonde man look at you with a smile while he tugs. Non non, your face would be sullied with blood! Our queen wouldn’t like that, right Epel? The other hunter nods, tightening the rope in his hands. Something tells you it’s not just Vil who’s determined to see your beauty up close.
Diasmonia Upper Ranks- They’re alerted to your continuing existence when Malleus bursts through the door, his overwhelming strength almost shooting the hinges. It's been a while since he’s acted like this. The first time happened when he first became unit leader, his cause of disarray being a sighting of you he missed by two minutes because Crowley kept the sevens meeting running long. It doesn’t take much to assume this next cry is caused by you as well. They’re proven right when Malleus tightens his fists, cracking the statue near the door with a strong hit. The utterance of your name proves them right. He takes a glance at the pictures of you ripped from books, each one adorned with a flower he believed to fit your aura in the frame. He turns back with anger and sorrow, walking away from the board.
“I finally saw them
 But was it even worth it if I couldn't speak to them?” The confession leads to panic. Malleus
 Finally met you? So
 You do exist! They’re about to cheer for him, but remember his current unpleasant mood and deter from the decision. Though, the only thing left to do then is get you for him, is it not? They all collectively look at each other before leaving the chambers with great haste. Lilias laughing with joy, Silver is dazed yet still determined, and Sebek
 Well, he views you with disdain, as you are a filthy monster, the things they’ve sworn to kill and protect the world from. But, you are the object of Malleus’s interest, so
 He should most likely pursue you.
Lilia & Silver & Sebek - Meet you through a sucessful plan, where you glare at them from above the fire they have you dangling over. You’re shouting curses at them, hoping at least one will cast and bring misfortune to their lineage. You grunt in frustration when nothing lands due to your panic. Lilia tilts his head at you, questioning if this is really the monster blessed with the highest bounty in history, as well as Malleuses infatuation. Though he can’t deny it, he’s quite curious too, and he can confidently say the other two feel the same way. Silver is fully awake for once as he stares at you, even Sebek doesn't seem as uptight. In both of their minds, you’re a danger to Malleus, but you’re also his in the same breath, which is why... They feel so guilty for feeling the same way he does towards you. Lilia laughs as he swings you towards his arms, catching you with a strength unbefitting his frame. It seems you’ve captured both Diasmonas Unit leader and his uper ranks.
And perhaps
 Maybe all of Sages Quarters key people.
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To every ones misfortune, their traps fail and Monster!Darling escapes from them everytime, further increasing the missing count of Sages quarter, and perhaps the world.
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windvexer · 2 days ago
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Smaller tarot spreads aren't necessarily easier or more beginner friendly. They can actually be more difficult, IMO
Drawing large spreads as soon as you begin learning tarot has a lot of advantage. Studying individual cards and working slowly with 1 or 3-card draws may work for some people, but this isn't the only or even the best way to learn tarot.
Reading fewer cards isn't always easier!
To me, the "magic" of tarot is linking cards and seeing patterns of information across a spread.
The job of a tarot reader is not memorizing cards. Memorizing card meanings is not required to be an effective reader.
IMO, the job of a tarot reader is to find patterns and narratives within a spread.
This can be easier to do with larger spreads, and harder with small spreads.
The purpose of a 3 card draw is not to individually interpret 3 cards.
The purpose is to discover a pattern within the cards. If it's a beginning/middle/end spread, do the cards seem to start off in a dreary way, and develop into a good/positive outcome? Is the middle card a road bump, while the beginning and end cards are smooth sailing?
Once you find patterns within a spread, the narrative can make itself readily apparent.
In a beginning/middle/end spread, if the general portent of the cards appears to be poor/better/best, then we might say that the general shape of the reading is an upwards trajectory.
So, what meanings of the cards fit the shape of an upward trajectory?
Almost all tarot cards have contradictory, mutually exclusive, or unrelated sets of meaning.
If a card's meanings include responsibility/drudgery/burden/mistake/success after work, then which meaning applies?
If that card is at the beginning of the upwards trajectory, the specific meanings that fit in might be meanings of burden or mistake.
If that card is at the end of the upwards trajectory, then it is more likely that the meaning of success after work applies.
But it would not be possible to use the pattern of the spread to shape the narrative in a 1 card draw. There are not enough cards to form a pattern.
The purpose of a spread is to facilitate linking the cards in such a way that patterns of information rise to the surface like cream.
This makes discovering the meanings of each card easier, not more difficult.
This can also mean that for beginners, larger spreads can be easier to read because patterns can be more apparent and easier to rely on when choosing narrative themes.
I have a particular favorite spread which I have been using for almost 17 years; my elemental quarters spread.
This spread has a few variations, one of which is the 12 card variation.
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12 cards may seem like a heck of a lot for a spread, but it actually gets really simple when you start using tarot to read patterns instead of trying to recall memorized definitions.
In this colorful elemental spread, there are four cards that represent fire, and one quartet that represents fire.
Suppose that you believe fire represents things like passion and drive.
You are reading this spread for someone, and every single fire card is reversed.
Despite the clutter of so many cards, an immediate pattern jumps forth: this person has a serious blockage in the passion and drive in their life, that is permeating every area of their life.
Now that we know this, we can start looking at the meanings for each fire card relating to blockage, delay, or obstacles.
Because of the size of the spread, patterns can be much easier to see, and each card can be more quickly refined.
As a reader, a large spread gives you the ability to say, "I may not know what this card in particular means, but based on the pattern I am seeing in your emotion/relationships section, there is a lot of hope on the horizon."
Larger spreads reduce the need to perform an in-depth reading on each card.
If you have a 3 card draw and one card isn't speaking to you, then you are only interpreting 2/3 of a reading. And that's not a lot.
If you have a 7 card spread and one card isn't speaking to you, then you don't need to beat your head against a wall trying to unlock the secrets of that one guy. You can just say, "I don't know for sure, but based on the pattern, it seems like something bad vibes will happen before you get to the good events coming up."
There is no minimum amount of information you are supposed to get from each card.
You can draw 1 card and write a paragraph on it. Or, you can draw 10 cards and choose one key word from each, representative of the pattern(s) that you see.
The second reading may provide more information using fewer words, and be more accurate too - because the interplay of cards influences what key words best fit, instead of grappling with many meanings of a single card without direction.
You can get less than 1 key word from a card.
You can draw 3 cards, find the pattern in them, and choose 1 key word for all three.
You can draw 12 cards and get a 4 word reading.
And I stand by my belief that this 4 word reading may well ring more true than a paragraph of generic definitions pulled from a single card (shaped, if the reader is lucky, by context clues the querent has provided when they submitted their question).
I've been reading tarot for almost 2 decades (err... going on 17 years) and only in recent years have I been able to successfully read 3 card draws.
In my opinion, smaller spreads and draws can be significantly more challenging.
If you are getting stuck with your tarot practice, try moving on from "card meanings" and into "pattern-shaped narratives".
(Which is the term I made up for it)
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joejhang · 1 day ago
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andrew minyard.
finally andrew is getting the essay treatment from me. i love this man and i just needed to yap about him. spoilers ahead and continue at ur own risk.
people (both within the series and in the fandom) like to think of andrew as super unemotional and stoic. i don't think people realise it but the whole "andrew is soulless" mindset has bled into the fandom, and the way people write and talk about him really makes me think they do just consider andrew to be extremely cold and unreachable as a person. i lowkey find this funny because andrew's not even that monstrous or difficult or stone cold he's literally just bipolar (canonically) with some clinical depression in there. like???
and it's weird because people like to think of andrew as super out of control and violent and yes, he was unpredictable when he was on his drugs and he does still play by his own rules, but he honestly rarely incites any violence? i can't really think of a single instance he's been violent for no reason. he punched matt for hitting kevin. he choked allison for slapping aaron. he choked kevin for lying to him and also because he was understandably panicked and angry about neil being taken from him. what i find interesting is that when one-dimensional booktok men and the stereotypical book boyfriends do this typa shit it's seen as cute and protective and bf material but when andrew does it he's seen as violent, out of control and emotionless. and what also doesn't make sense is when people see his ability to inflict fear and violence on people (usually retaliatory but whatever) they consider it to be proof of his inability to feel emotion, but it seems to me that it's proof of the opposite? all of his violent and "out of control" moments to me are literally displays of how much he cares.
andrew is such an acts of service show don't tell kinda person and you'd have to be pretty blind (or biased) to not be able to see how his actions reflect his thoughts and emotions. he agreed to everything neil asked of him because he was interested in and a little (a lot) in love with him. he agreed to let kevin stay and protect him from the literal mafia because kevin believed in him and believed he was worth something and was willing to be patient and give him something to live for. he's friends with and hangs out with renee because she's kind and honest and genuine with him and isn't immediately dead-set against him because he doesn't fit into the conventional values of what a guy is supposed to act like.
does he have problems and flaws? yes, absolutely. many of his issues do stem from his existing trauma and the biases he's developed from that, but he's working through them, with other people's help, and it's so bizarre when people in the fandom talk about him like he's so far gone and to "rehabilitate" him would be a miracle when...he's literally already in the process of healing?? and he's not resistant to it at all?? before neil even shows up, he's seeing and talking to betsy, he's doing things (in his own way, sure) to try and patch up his relationship with aaron, he's protecting the people he cares about, he isn't honestly as self-sabotaging and self-destructive as he says he is. betsy is right when she says that he's done exceptionally well despite everything the world and his life have tried to throw at him.
people like to accuse aftg of demonising mental illness and people like andrew but i actually think the aftg fandom does that a lot more than the actual books. i think anyone with critical thinking can see that despite the nickname, andrew isn't a monster at all, and i think anyone that really knows him in the novel would see that too. and people in the fandom still write him like a sociopath even though it's explicitly stated he isn't, he literally has bipolar disorder, and it's funny and ironic to me because the fandom is like the general public in aftg, and the fandom (at least to me) demonises andrew a hell of a lot more than the actual books do.
andrew isn't the emotionless, stony, cold, unreachable, violent monster the fandom seems to think he is. i think he does have some problems expressing his emotions and probably has some issues coming to terms with a lot of them, but i think he definitely experiences the full range of emotions and they show themselves pretty frequently, intentional or not.
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thrashkink-coven · 3 days ago
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One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to stomach in my patronage with Lord Lucifer is the idea that bad things must happen.
Bad things do not just happen, they must happen. They must happen for there to be change. It’s a shitty sentiment, because what the fuck does that mean? So I needed to have been abused? So it was all in God’s plan for my friends to die and my rights to be taken? Bad things must happen? What a load of bullshit.
But what I wasn’t willing to understand is that cruelty is not natural, cruelty teaches nothing, but bad things must happen. I didn’t deserve that abuse. I didn’t deserve to be born disabled, no one does. No one person deserves suffering just to enable God’s plan. Yet, I know in my heart that I need to exist as a disabled person, how else would I create art about my struggles? i know that I needed to survive abuse to become a protector of others. I needed to have my heart broken so I could learn to put it back together. If not, I wouldn’t even be me. Bad things, strife, and adversary, are often the result of cruelty. There is never any justification for cruelty. But cruel people will exist, and bad things will happen. Bad things must happen to those cruel people, and bad things must happen to you. Pain harms us, but it also teaches us what harms us so we will stay away.
In order to see an empire crumble, it must crumble. That crumbling is the bad, the violence, the hatred. To see the fall of an empire, we must fall with it and watch it burn. How else would it be destroyed? Why else would we try? Why else would we learn and grow? Why are things getting so bad? How bad do they have to get for you to be inspired to change it?
Every terrible horrible thing that has ever happened, happened, and it’s result was you, right now, reading this. Had these things not happened, you would not be you, and you would not be reading this. I think often about my partner, who is to me, the most amazing and beautiful person in the world. How is it so that all of this carnage lead to his existence? Why?
When I say bad things must happen, I’m not saying that it’s okay that hundreds of thousands of Palestinians and Sudanese people are dying. I’m not saying that we’re “supposed to” be having our rights stripped away and our voices silenced. I mean more that, we as a species have been fighting this evil since the beginning. This evil is called supremacy. It has owned us from the time it entered the mind of the first man. We as a people have never been able to escape it, it is the devil. There is and will always be a devil, and there must always be a beacon of light ready to fight it. We will continue to repeat these mistakes on every continent until we collectively commit ourselves from eliminating that evil, and this evil will teach us through pain and suffering. All so so unnecessary, had we had the sense to look at ourselves. But this evil will not stop until it has penetrated every human soul and wiped it clean. On the other end will emerge a disciplined humanity with scars that bleed. The fall will be monumental, but the rise will be divine.
The loss of life, the suffering, wasn’t destined or necessary. This idea is not an excuse to shrug and say “God works in mysterious ways.” It isn’t God killing and enslaving all these people, it’s human beings killing other humans. Bad things must and will happen until every single person learns. Until the philosophy which holds one race superior to another is finally and permanently discredited and abundant. Until the the color of a man’s skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes. Until the basic human rights are guaranteed to all without regard for race, bad things must happen.
If the past is perfect, in all of its disgusting and horrific ways, then I believe, or have hope that this period of trial is worth it. I like to think that I am a part of this story. And even if I do not live to see the result of all these things, I can breathe knowing that my ability to recognize these things as evil means the lesson is working. If I am the lesson and the example, if all of us are, then every hardship will temper me into diamonds. For now I can be sad, angry, grieve, and use this pain as the foundation of my action.
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elaemae · 18 hours ago
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What did Og!Cale sacrifice?
Genuine question...
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Hear me out;
I'm reading the latest chapter of 'In an Instant' by Messy_haired_bum and something just clicked in my head.
See, I know that the Og!Cale is a fan favorite, something that I didn't really understand because we don't know a whole lot about the guy, but there's just something that's been stopping me from getting enamored with him via various fanfictions I've read even though they've made the Og!Cale very lovable, and I didn't really know what it was, for a long time, until now.
There are various posts circulating around saying that Og!Cale sacrificed himself greatly with the deal he made with the GoD, and at a time, I believed that. But... reading this chapter opened my eyes and made me think, what did Og!Cale sacrificed?
What did he sacrifice that he didn't already lose?
A lot of ppl say that Og!Cale lost everything to be KRS but the only thing he had left was his identity. That's... not a lot to be honest. Not enough, actually.
Now, I can hear y'all thinking "Current!Cale got his wealth, backing, and a family–", but so did Current!KRS.
Current!KRS also didn't need to deal with a world war involving a megalomaniac, entire enemy nations, and a literal divine being.
Og!Cale was a foot soldier for 40 years, most likely didn't help a lot against Arm and The White Star, and he died without any (known) great feats but he's given such an amazing opportunity to take over the body of someone that'll need to deal with all those problems? An opportunity of rebirth that even Lee Soo Hyuk wasn't given until he gave one up of his abilities to help seal a deity?
He knows he couldn't shoulder the burden of saving the world so he just... washed his hands off that responsibility... And then occupied the body of a high-ranking well-known individual to then go off and get a happy ending with his reincarnated mom.
As the excerpt above said, it's a win-win for him, he doesn't get soul-crushing responsibilities, he gets a high-ranking position that grants him power, he can deal with the learning curve due to being given Og!KRS's abilities and having an actual reliable guide, and he gets to be back with his mom.
And...
... If Current!Cale ever fails?
He can just shrug and say it's not his problem anymore.
He's got his new happy life now. (I'm not saying he will, I'm just saying he could, if he was a lesser man)
Current!Cale lost everything he had too, all the fruits of his labors, the results of him dealing with all sorts of issues and problems for years, just... taken away by a stranger in his body. You can say KRS!Cale wasn't really happy, that Og!Cale didn't know if the body he'll end up in would be okay, that he gambled with his life in taking over Og!KRS's life.
Life that... he was about to lose anyways.
It just wasn't fair...
If we ignore the fact the KRS!Cale is literally thriving and just look subjectively at the situation of the body switch, KRS!Cale got the short end of the bloody, hellish, rotting stick.
I can only get closure if I personally find out if Og!Cale ever gave a fuck about the uninvolved, innocent guy that he sent to deal with a 20 year war, and not in the 'Is he doing the saving he's supposed to?' typa way, I want to find out if he ever feels guilty of the responsibility that he gave the man, if he ever worries for KRS!Cale's personal safety and mental health, for putting an innocent man through war. An innocent man that couldn't just stand by, as the world he found himself in, burns around him.
I don't want to dislike the current KRS, I want to love him actually, but this is my current perspective on the matter and you guys are free to share yours so that I can broaden my mindset about Og!Cale (pls do, I wanna like the guy but I wanna know if he's a good guy first, I wanna know why ppl love him so I can love him as well)
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drhannahasher · 15 hours ago
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@hopefulprotect
{I nodded in understanding as I heard and considered Will's words. It felt refreshing to know he believed in me. That he wanted me here in Chicago, in spite of how we left things when I relocated to California to rebuild my life. A part of me was concerned to return to Chicago. I wasn't naive... I saw how people in there watched me like I was under a microscope when I first arrived at Med today. I was aware of their disapproval and resentment over having to work with me in the OR today too. Not taking it lightly when they tried to question and counter my every move in the OR. I was great at my job. A fact that I proved today when I managed to do what was seemingly impossible when I managed to save the lives of both Alyssa and her baby today. I was neither cocky nor arrogant, but even I couldn't deny that few surgeons could have pulled off what I did today, which speaks volumes about my capabilities as a doctor and surgeon. Clearly or else Ms. Goodwin wouldn't have offered me the position that she did. She knew my history, but she also knew my abilities too, so I appreciated that she chose to see that over holding my past mistakes against me. I may not have the respect or trust from the majority of the Med staff, but at least I had Ms. Goodwin's and Will's, which honestly, was all I really wanted or needed in order for me to know that I could do this job} Thank you, Will. I appreciate the fact that you still believe in me. I'm also relieved that you don't seem to be holding our past against me. I blame myself fully for our relationship ending, but trust me, losing you isn't something I take lightly, Will. To date, it's one of my biggest regrets in my life. {I gently confessed. Knowing I may be saying too much now, but Will was honest with me, so I wanted to do the same with him now} As far as returning to Chicago goes though, I can do it. I'm the healthiest I've ever been. I'm clean. I promise you that. I'm not saying that every day is a picnic, because it's not. I have my rough days, but I'm doing the work to remain clean and healthy. {I shared honestly with Will as I took a sip on my water} I'll still take the evening to think it over, but I think it would be great to work together again. {I said with a warm smile as I lowered my glass of water back down onto the table before continuing} And if it's not too presumptuous to say this, it would be great to get to know each other again too. {I cautiously confessed. I still loved Will. That fact was clear in my mind. I just didn't know if he could ever trust me again for us to give our relationship another chance at some point down the line. I suppose you could say that jury was still out on that one though... You know, providing I do decide to take the job offered to me and I return to Chicago again}
continued
@drhannahasher
It was a big ask; a beg even for Hannah to overcome her struggles to come into Med to help me. And honestly thinking back to the call I had the low expectations she’d answer or yet come for my benefit. Hannah made it clear over a year ago when she left Chicago she left us, left me behind. It took the hold of constant rejected calls and unanswered messages to understand to see the bigger picture. She wanted nothing to do with me; she had tossed me aside when she had her relapse. And it stung; I cared I wanted to help her. I believed in her when she thought the worse version of herself. I saw the good in her; and yeah I wanted to keep her off the wagon, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for her. I knew she past; the struggles, but I also saw how strong she was. 
Hannah wasn’t how everyone perceived her after the accident; after being seen as a drug addict, after she left town. I believed she’d find what she was searching for. Even if it never included me. I had Jay on my back teasing about the pinning love I lost, as if he had something to say, given the fact he was not so subtle pinning for his partner might I add. Let’s just say our nights of going out for a drink had become quite frequent. But today wasn’t about my feelings, or my lack of covering what i felt for the blonde. It was about Alyssa a friend who I cared for. And her unborn child; her husband was on another table; one Ethan was working to fix, but my priority was in Hannah’s gallery because even if she didn’t want my support in the OR I was going to be in the gallery to oversea the process, I would never forgive myself if I never showed up. I was scared for Alyssa my childhood friend, but I knew the consequences if Hannah had messed up; not that I believed she would. 
Because I knew the female; she had skill, she worked with grace, which was only confirmed as I stood in the gallery. I glanced to the prying eyes of the residents; of interns who only knew of Hannah Asher through the whispers. But I saw Hannah first hand and I wanted to be proud of her. But her last comment stood in my head. “ Reunite you with Alyssa and the baby.” What does that mean? I had rack my mind on it. I was probably coming off as dumb now, but right now I was confused. Did Hannah think Alyssa and I were..? Did she believe I was the dad because of how far I fought for Alyssa? The questions kept looping around in my mind. And honestly I wouldn’t blame the blonde if she assumed. I did fight for Alyssa, I fought to get her the best care. The only OB I trusted to care for her. She was a friend someone I’d always go to bat for. But did I want to be with Alyssa? No of course not. Once a crush but now I was happy with being a doctor, of being the caring surgeon; the one that oversteps on almost every occasion. 
Hand rested on the wall; eyes glued to the scene. Hannah was working against her own OR, she was preparing to close up when it happened. She lost the stats, the baby was at risk, and Alyssa the blood flow was subsiding, I felt the lump that formed in my throat, and I knew the way her own staff spoke to her. No belief at all. I felt the rage, the anger coursing through my body. She was alone; and man it took every fiber in my body not to run down there; not to intervene, because I knew Hannah she was strong and brave, but she also felt the way people saw her. An addict. She probably wanted to run and never turn back. My heart ached for her, but I wanted to respect her boundaries which was me staying far from the OR. So I stayed in the gallery; I held my breath waiting; but by the end of the surgery I felt pride, I let out the exhale of relief i had been holding. She did it; the baby was okay, and Alyssa she was stable, I felt like I might cry over how phenomenal she was. I was proud of her; and that’s why I released my hold of the wall and I turned to leave the gallery. 
Each step I went with ease, as he walked the stairs, until I reached the ground floor. Will had made his way to the scrub room; where he knew he’d find her; as he pushed through the door he paused wanting to admire her handy work, the surgeon she was. 
“ I knew I put my faith in the right person, You did good. I don’t care what any one in that OR says, you showed what you are capable of.” And Will meant each word; as if it was close to his chest.
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shock-micro · 4 months ago
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the practice of taking multiple names... i do wish it was a bit more supported in places like the united states. i love my family name, my family means the world to me,
but there's also the last name of berri that i'd love to take. it was the second name that stuck with me after "mira", and i've nicknamed myself "miraberri" in a lot of things over the past year i've had it...
...i suppose the other trouble is that i've already changed my legal name once, and so now i'd have to pay for it to be changed again... ahh, the wonders of capitalism and rigid social systems.
wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a society that embraced Change?
that freely allowed, even encouraged changing oneself? embracing the fact that everything will change eventually, and must do so for things to not become stagnant?
that some things might not be right as they are, despite the state of things being comfortable for many people? that the status quo, or our time-honored traditions, aren't infallible, perfect concepts?
i guess the idea is too much for some people to understand.
maybe some day, that'll change, too.
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sskk-manifesto · 3 months ago
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!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#A great episode tbh especially given the low budget. I feel like they really did their very best#And even though what I'm going to say next is probably going to be all critic - because I nitpick things and that's what I always end up–#talking about - I still want to underline that it was a very solid and enjoyable episode!!!#Alright the ss/kk was so 💞💞💞 every scene I had to rewatch twice or thrice akhscbashfb they're so cute!!!#Except for the riding scene tho. That scene gives me massive second hand embarrassment every time I just wish it will end as fast as–#possible pffttt. Mmmmhhh... The drawings weren't even too bad all accounted. My main complain is about the quicksand scene...#I feel like that one should be a slow quiet emotional scene. I never licked the choice of using the song as background soundtrack :/#I feel like it ruins the mood of the scene (it was still good though)#I also... Generally don't like the direction they seem to go for with Akutagawa's character in the anime‚ he seems quite a bit flatter–#compared to how he is in the manga. He can't be angry and evil ALL the time you need to show that softness get through from time to time.#If not what even is the point of his character. Yet in the anime he's angry (and not distraught) when he loses the mine craft and he's–#angry when he's questioning Atsushi about his motifs and he's angry when he's bragging about Atsushi's abilities to Goncharov and he's–#angry when he makes the promise with Atsushi at the end of the episode and eventually he'll be just as angry even when telling Atsushi–#to run away as he's sacrificing his life for him. It is pretty flat at the end of the day.#If I can say something about K/ensho Ono without being killed I think they do contribute to making him feel angry all the time.#But that said it's all probably poor directing choices (or simply choices I don't agree with).#Also‚ about cuts. Usually I try to be lenient about it– I understand it's hard to fit in everything and b/sd already does a very–#good job by adapting the manga almost panel-by panel. It's just that... You skip Akutagawa showing compassion for Atsushi after the–#orphanage director died. You skip Atsushi sharing the same compassion when Akutagawa loses his targed in the mines chase. You skip the–#“Nothing special about that. // I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor.” line. And sure each of them may be negligible by their own#But together they wave a consistent web of relationship between the two characters you know? And it's a loss to omit them all#Well no mind. Again it was still a great episode overall!!!!#I think the colors in the mines could have been prettier in the mines but we can't have it all#Off to season 4!!! Omg I can't believe we got this far :DDD#random rambles#FINALLY was able to catch up in time for the season 3 finale!!!!!!
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noisilyscreechingsong · 5 months ago
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Damian is de-aged to a baby and lost in Gotham. A magic user hit him with some kind of spell. His legs don’t work as well and he has trouble walking. That’s when a man appears and squats down with a tilt of his head.
“Yea, you are definitely not supposed to be out here, little guy.”
Damian glares at the man, early twenties, stubble along his jaw, ragged clothes, and dark bags under his eyes.
The man turns his head to look at the brick wall.
“Are you sure?”
And now he was talking to a wall. Curses. Of course he would be found by a crazy person.
The man suddenly hangs his head with a deep sigh. He regains himself quickly and stands. Moving closer to put his hands under Damian arms to lift him to perch on his hip.
Damian squirms to get down but refuses to make a sound. The last time he opened his mouth like this it was a pathetic baby sound. He couldn’t let this man see him like this.
“Looks like you’re coming home with me, little guy. I can tell you’ve got some spirit in you. Good, you’ll need it.”
Not ominous at all.
Damian stays with the man, mostly because he couldn’t physically drive a car, but also because he was almost always with him. The man would talk to air at the most random times. Obviously a schizophrenic. But Damian had to admit this man, Danny he comes to find out through a neighbor baby talking at him, has been genuinely trying to take care of him and take care of him well. Well, to the best of his abilities anyway. ïżŒ
He feeds him organic purĂ©es that don’t taste half bad, except the carrots, that one was unacceptable. Danny cleans him regularly despite his crappy apartment and makes sure he is dressed appropriately for the weather. He makes an effort to take him out to the park to play in the sandbox or just walk around discovering ‘new’ things.
Damian doesn’t need a parent, he outgrew the concept when he was five and technically he already had one, but he could tell Danny would make an excellent father. Some mistakes can be overlooked compared to the effort he was putting in.
The only concerning thing was the talking to thin air. It took Damian an embarrassing amount of time to figure out the reason Danny was visiting all these random people and the graveyard. (Sometimes he will set Damian down to ‘play’ in the grass at the cemetery. It was quite odd.)
He was talking to ghosts. It wasn’t thin air or imaginary friends, no it was actually dead people. The reason Damian actually believes this is for two reasons.
One, Danny shows true results. Damian observes closely whenever they visit a ‘client’ and Danny always has accurate information despite never looking up or researching anything going in.
Two, he never calls himself a medium or psychic. He doesn’t boast about his ability to see ghosts. He does what he does to help the ghosts move on to the other side. Closure is what Danny always says. Closure for the family and the victim. In Gotham, there are a lot of victims.
Damian adjusts to his new life with Danny. It’s been five months and he’s getting used to being small and vulnerable. He’s allowed to be messy and whiny and childish. Danny never scolds him like Mother did. The man has never hit him or raised his voice at him and never expects anything from him. He encourages his progression to speak and walk, but doesn’t expect the best out of him.
It’s
 nice. A good break if anything.
They are at the park when one of the bats spot him and pauses. Danny is blowing bubbles into the air and Damian tries to pop as many as he can. It’s a silly game with no clear rules, but Damian finds it entertaining nonetheless.
“Hi there! Is he yours?”
Dick Grayson wears a bright smile, but Damian can see the tightness around his eyes.
“Huh? Oh, yea, this is Damian,” Danny answers.
He had written it with the wooden blocks Danny had given him one week in. Danny took one look at the name on the ground, laughed loudly and ran with it.
“Do you mind if I say hi? He’s so cute.”
Danny looks puzzled by the request but ends up shrugging his shoulders, not seeing a problem with letting a stranger get close to Damian. (Damian knew Danny’s intense eyes were watching Dick’s every move. He was very protective like that.)
“Sure.”
Dick squats down to search Damian’s green eyes. Damian stares back just as intensely.
“Hey there, Damian. My name is Dick.”
Damian gives him a flat look at Dick’s terrible introduction.
“Grayson.”
Although with his little baby teeth not fully in it sounds more like ‘way-shah’.
Relief flashes across Dick’s face and he gives Damian a reassuring smile. It’s not as reassuring at he thinks it is. It promises to bring him home and restore him to his original age. Damian doesn’t know if that’s what he wants anymore.
Dick stands and gives Danny some imaginary excuse to leave quickly. Damian watches him go and so does Danny.
“Funny guy, huh Dami?”
Damian doesn’t respond and Danny notices his change in mood.
“Come here, little guy.”
He knows what Danny is going to do and willingly goes. He is pulled up into the man’s lap and held between two surprisingly muscular arms. Danny’s hugs are nice and warm. They aren’t too tight like Dick’s nor are they stiff like Bruce’s. He never thought he could enjoy human contact, but Danny has been showing him things about himself he didn’t ever know. Turns out he does like hugs and playing airplane and when Danny runs his fingers through his hair when he’s really sleepy.
“Let’s go home a little early today, huh? I’ll make spaghetti and you can be as messy as you want,” Danny promises.
Damian hums. Yes, that sounds nice.
That night Batman comes in through the window. Damian is waiting.
“Damian,” Batman whispers.
“Bah-mun.”
The flat, unamused stare is what gives him away.
Batman lets out a breath silently and reaches into the crib Danny had gotten him.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Batman jerks into action, twisting to face Danny who had appeared suddenly. The door behind him is still closed.
Batman stays quiet, silently studying the man before him dressed in pajama pants and a worn t-shirt.
Danny tilts his head as he does the same. Damian has never seen the man so serious. He silently worries for the man. He didn’t want him getting hurt to unnecessarily protecting him from his father.
“I’d have to break your arm if you tried to do what it looks like you’re doing.”
Danny says it so plainly. So simple.
Batman straightens.
“He isn’t yours.”
He doesn’t say Damian is his. He doesn’t claim him as his own. Just that Danny shouldn’t have him.
Damian silently agrees because technically he’s right. He doesn’t deserve Danny. He can’t keep playing house like he’s an actual baby. But Damian is also selfish and over the last few months has been taught that it’s okay to ask for things he wants even if it’s not inherently beneficial. The stuffed dog he sleeps with every night is proof of that.
So Damian says nothing.
“He is now,” Danny answers simply like there was no other answer to such a statement.
“He needs to go back to where he belongs.”
“Over my dead body,” is the immediate response.
They stare each other down until Danny scoffs.
“Don’t think I’m not petty enough to fight you, Batman. I’ll fight anyone who wants to take him from me. Damian is mine.”
When Batman tries to forcibly take him, he ends up with a concussion, a blood nose, and two broken arms. Red Robin finds him in a dumpster the next morning.
The story continues with Damian learning how to be a child his age, Danny protecting him and doting on his brilliant son, and the Batfam’s frequent failed attempts to kidnap Damian back to them.
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pastelclovds · 4 months ago
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thinking about short top x tall bottom relationships
your partner’s friends believe that just because you were two feet shorter than him: that it would obviously mean that you would be the one taking it in the relationship. how could you blame those meatheads when your boyfriend was everything a stereotypical dominant man was “supposed” to be. muscles that could be compared to Greek gods, good looks, possessing a constant stern and confident attitude, and he had a successful career that made him good money.
your lover didn’t try to deny the accusations. probably too embarrassed to admit the truth. you had to hide your smirk when you saw your bf trying desperately to change the subject. looking tense and flustered as his gaze shifted from his hands to you to his friends. it wasn’t until you dropped his friends off and were now alone with him in your car that his mask finally cracked. before he could say a word, you place the palm of your hand on top of his shaking leg. dangerously close to his clothed pelvis. his breathe hitched when he meet your eyes. they were smug and hungry.
at that moment he knew it didn’t matter what excuses he spewed out. you were going to show him who was really in charge. he couldn’t help blood rushing south as his mind started fantasizing about what you were planning for him.
you grin devilishly when you catch sight of his cock straining against his dress pants. oh you were going to have so much fun breaking him.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
“oh! oh yeah— fuck! faster please please!”
you’ve seen many beautiful things in your life. but the sight of your lover presenting his bare ass for you to rail as he sobbed out your name like a prayer definitely topped them all. he let out choked moans when your cock continuously hits his prostate. his grip on the pillows rival that of a vice as his tears wet the covers. he thrusts back against your cock to the best of his ability as the bruising grip you had on his waist prevented him from moving the lower half of his body. forcing him to stay still and take it.
you let out a shaky breath as you gazed down at the so called ‘master in the sheets’. now a pathetic, beautiful mess as his tight hole took you in. just the sight of his tear stained face and velvety ass was enough to almost make you spill inside him. you increase the pace of your hips. your sweat slicked balls slapping against your lover’s ass as the volume of his moans and cries increased. the clap of your bf’s ass meeting your pelvis filled you with pride as you couldn’t resist the temptation of slapping his cheek. his hole tightened significantly around you.
“haha. guess your friends were wrong about you, lovely. was this what you wanted? embarres me so i can show you who you really belonged to? hmm?” you lower your torso as you teased him by slowly grinding against his sweet spot. he raised his head to look up at you.
“i’m yours. always make me feel good. go faster again please. i’m close, ‘m sorry— ah!”
your pace returns to rough and quick as soon as the words left his pretty mouth. “good boy- hah- cum for me,” you breathlessly command him. he followed your orders instantly, biting his pillow cover to muffle his pathetic sob as his cock spilled white on the sheets.
his climax triggered yours, you sigh as you fill him with warmth. you knew that this wasn’t going to be the last round, so you rest on top of your lover’s back until he gave you the ‘okay’ to continue. you could feel his chest rise and fall as he tries to catch his breath. if you weren’t paying attention intensely, you would’ve missed the breathless “i love you” he told you.
you cover his sweat coated back in soft kisses, you couldn’t even reach his neck, “i love you too, gorgeous,” you whisper back. you bite back a groan when he started grinding against your cock, signaling that he was ready for round two.
you loved destroying stereotypes.
ur fav tall af characters <3
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5sospenguinqueen · 3 months ago
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Little League Karting - George Russell x Reader
Summary: Fighting against Lando's big mouth and fans' speculations, George and Yn somehow managed to keep a special moment hidden from the private eye.
Requested: Yes by anon
Warnings: Pregnancy. Swearing, Fluff. Suggestive comments
2023 season. Pinterest pics
F1 Masterlist
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yn_ln just posted
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yn_ln happy anniversary, georgie. here’s to 5 years together. i can’t wait to have at least 50 more with you 
2,992 comments
georgerussell63 happy anniversary, my darling. i’d spend forever with you on that beach 
alex_albon still can’t believe he went on holiday without me
→ landonorris he stopped loving us 5 years ago 
→ georgerussell63 you know you’re always in my heart
→ yn_ln and this is why @/lilymhe and i are running away together 
→ georgerussell63 but, i thought you loved me
user1 another day, another shirtless george pic
mercedesamgf1 the cutest grid couple 
→ landonorris actually that would be me and carlos
→ danielricciardo no it’s me and max
→ yn_ln stop stealing my moment 
charlesleclerc @/georgerussell63 as director of the gpda, i would like you to hear my complaint against your girlfriend posting shirtless pics of you. it has blinded me, thus hindering my ability to drive on sunday
→ yn_ln maybe if you looked at the track more than yourself in the mirror, you would see better
→ charlesleclerc now i’m complaining that she’s hurted my feelings
pierregasly it wouldn’t be a photo dump without shirtless george
user2 so no ring?
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yn_ln just posted
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yn_ln my weekend boys
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user3 who’s your favourite
→ yn_ln bono and roscoe 
→ georgerussell63 whoa now. i’ll remember this energy when you want me to stroke your back as you fall asleep
→ mercedesamgf1 toto said he would like to talk to you on thursday
→ yn_ln the boss man knows he has a special place in my heart?
→ mercedesamgf1 the question mark makes that doubtful - toto
lilymhe okay but the fit is serving 
→ yn_ln had to squeeze myself into those jeans. think i need to stop sneaking a macca’s when george isn’t around
→ lilymhe so long as we can keep our cheeky waffle sundays 
→ yn_ln always ;)
→ georgerussell63 excuse me
landonorris fake caption, alex and i aren’t here
→ danielricciardo i think you’ll find i’m her favourite
→ yn_ln my favourite doesn’t race anymore :( 
→ georgerussell63 sweetheart, kimi hasn’t raced for over a year
mercedesamgf1 lewis isn’t happy that you chose the photo that makes him look small
→ yn_ln i haven’t yet mastered photoshop. please pass my condolences to lewis for showing him his actual height 
user4 my favourite thing about yn’s race weekend posts is seeing how hot she looks in her race day fits 
→ user5 yes because she spends fri and sat in williams merch and then SERVES on sundays 
━━━━ àŒ»đ–„žàŒș ━━━━
formula1 have added a new YouTube video
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user6 not them still being referred to as 2019 rookies like it’s not their 5th year on the grid 
user7 did anyone catch what alex said at the end that made george and lando laugh?
→ user8 no i swear it was edited so we couldn’t hear 
user9 did you guys see the way alex and george looked at each other? they know something! 
→ user10 and the way lando giggled after like he’d done something wrong
user11 not george trying to save himself by saying she’s always in his heart 
→ user12 if i was yn, i’d be messaging him saying i caught the ick
→ user13 no because even george looked weirded out after saying it
→ user14 lando and alex immediately taking the piss out of him
→ user15 didn’t he say that to alex and lando once?
user16 lando definitely said something he wasn’t supposed to
→ user17 the fear in george and alex’s eyes before they tried to play it off
→ user18 and we can all tell that little league line was bullshit he made up on the spot 
user20 okay so we’re all thinking that one of the grid are having a baby right?
→ user21 the only question is who?
user22 but aside from his brief blunder, the way george spoke about yn in this 
→ user23 honestly my goal in life is to have a love like theirs
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yn_ln just posted
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liked by carlossainz55, lewishamilton and others
yn_ln don’t mind me, just showing off my extensive hoodie collection
3,002 comments 
user1 everyone relax, she’s alive
user2 girl, you can’t vanish for 3 months and then show up just to post hoodies?
user3 i love yn but i cannot pretend that this is acceptable. she abandoned us for months and no apology
user4 no babe, we need you back in the paddock serving face and body 
landonorris oi, i’ve given you like five and you can’t be bothered- the audacity 
danielricciardo DR3 dominance, baby! 
carlossainz55 smooth operator
user5 love that she posts a lewis one, not a george one
→ user6 i find it odd. she hasn’t posted him in a while and he’s not liked the post 
→ user7 she only posted it 5 hours ago, give the man time
→ user8 but he’s usually always first and no comment?
charlesleclerc wait, i didn’t realise you were taking options from other drivers. can i add to the collection?
→ yn_ln only if it has ‘just an incident’ on it
maxverstappen1 i’ve got one with giant pockets so you can put all your snacks in it
→ yn_ln ladies and gentleman we have a winner! 
→ alex_albon i can’t believe he won
→ yn_ln yeah well he tempted me with pickles and peanut butter
→ oscarpiastri together?
→ yn_ln is that a judging tone! 
→ oscarpiastri no! please don’t cry again
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user9 um why is this hashtag trending. let’s not speak this into existence
user10 okay some of you calling us crazy but george and yn are one of the more public couples and now we get nothing?
→ user11 i need an interviewer to ask him about her because the way his eyes light up when he talks about her can’t lie to us
→ user12 yes! if the eyes are sad then we know they’re over
albonooo lily asked me to tell you to stop licking the screen
→ lightningmclerc oh so THOSE hormones have kicked in
→ letsgolando they never left, how do you think she ended up in this situation 
→ ynoncrack i am not a horndog! 
→ princessgeorge well

chili55 please don’t have another child if this is what we have to deal with 
→ ynoncrack have i really been that bad đŸ„ș george said i haven’t been that hormonal
→ kiksgomes what is wrong with you, carlos! we just got her to stop crying
→ princessgeorge oh no, what’s up, honey?
→ golflils she was upset because your curls looked amazing and she couldn't run her hands through them
→ ynoncrack oh my god, i am a horndog! 
letsgolando all i’m saying, baby russell better be mega adorable after all this
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georgerussell63 and yn_ln just posted
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liked by alex_albon, landonorris and others
georgerussel63 baby russell was born happy and healthy two weeks ago. whilst we settle into life as new parents, please enjoy some baby bump pictures to tide you over
10,499 comments
alex_albon i’m so happy for the two of you and can’t wait to meet mini russell
→ lilymhe you’re just glad yn won’t be crying on facetime anymore
→ alex_albon that too 
user1 okay but the hand placement wow
→ user2 we all know how they ended up here then lol
lewishamilton much love to the new parents ❀
user3 oh so the complete opposite of a breakup then 
user4 hang on a second. so not only was yn pregnant but they've had the baby? parents for real?
user5 how did gossip girl george russell keep this from us
→ user6 especially when he saw us all theorising his breakup
→ georgerussell63 trust me, it was hard
→ yn_ln he wrote a bunch of tweets defending us on a fake account
charles_leclerc congratulations george and yn. i cannot wait to meet the little one
→ alexandrasaintmleux he's already had a bunch of baby ferrari onesies made
→ alex_albon over my dead body will my godbaby wear those!
williamsracing congratulations. what happy news
→ mercedesamgf1 you can’t have him back
→ yn_ln neither of you can have him over the next month. he’s all mine and bean’s
francisca.cgomes free my girl! those boobs belong to me
→ yn_ln always
→ georgerussell63 @/pierregasly please come get your girl. she's trying to steal mine 
→ pierregasly she’s right though. you don’t need to be groping her like that on main
→ georgerussell63 oh no one asked you, “tripod” 
landonorris oh, thank god. took you long enough to tell the world he was here. keeping it to myself these past few months was giving me wrinkles
→ user7 they’ve had a boy!!!
→ landonorris crap
→ alex_albon well done mate
→ landonorris but i did so well! 
→ user8 omg so it was george and yn who were expecting when lando made up that bullshit about little league karting
→ landonorris hey! i want to see their kid in a go kart so it wasn’t a total lie
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Tag list
@peachiicherries @rosecentury @leclercsluvs (you mentioned wanting to read this on an ask WEEKS ago and it's taken me forever to write it so i am so sorry!)
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r0ugesun · 3 months ago
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I have a fluff maybe to slight spicy request for Aemond Targaryen if you are interested!
Aemond finally becomes betrothed to princess!reader of a different house (can be any it don’t matter) but has circulation problems so she’s always cold and therefore fretted over making Aemond believe she is spoiled. But upon being proven wrong from maybe bonding over books or hell training, falls in love and carries her to bed when the cold gets to her and her bed is just full of blankets to cuddle in.
(Aemond deserves all the intimacy and cuddles)
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Thank you for sending me this request anon and sorry for the delay! Ur right Aemond deserves all the cuddles (*ᮗ͈ˬᮗ͈)ê•€*.
Synopsis: Princess y/n of House Martell arrives at the wintry Red Keep as Prince Aemond’s betrothed. As y/n’s warmth and intellect begin to break through Aemond’s icy exterior, he finds himself drawn to her. In return, Aemond’s protective embrace provides y/n the warmth she desperately needs.
Aemond x Martell!Reader
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Prince Aemond Targaryen’s engagement to Princess y/n of House Martell was a union crafted to solidify political alliances. While their marriage was intended to serve as a strategic move, it was marred by the disparity in their circumstances. Princess y/n, renowned for her exotic beauty and noble grace, suffered from a rare condition that left her perpetually cold. This affliction required constant warmth, a need that Aemond initially perceived as a sign of pampering rather than genuine necessity.
From the moment y/n arrived at the red keep in the middle of a particularly harsh winter, the contrast between them was stark. The grand halls of the castle were adorned with tapestries of fearsome dragons and Targaryen banners, but y/n’s presence was marked by her constant need for warmth. She was swathed in layers of heavy furs, her every movement accompanied by a retinue of attendants. Aemond observed from a distance, noting her delicate appearance and the attentiveness of her servants. His initial impressions were marked by skepticism and a hint of disdain.
Their first meeting was formal, a carefully orchestrated affair. Aemond greeted her with his characteristic stoicism. “Princess y/n” he said, his tone courteous but distant, “I trust your journey was comfortable?”
Y/N offered a polite smile, though her eyes revealed a trace of weariness. “Thank you, Prince Aemond. The journey was long, but I am well. Though I must admit, the cold here is harsher than I expected.”
Aemond raised an eyebrow, his gaze indifferent. “You are accustomed to much warmer climates in dorne, I’m sure. Adapting to this cold must be challenging.”
Y/n’s voice was steady as she replied, “It is indeed a challenge, but I am here to fulfill my duty. I hope to contribute meaningfully despite the discomfort.”
Aemond's eyes remained cold as he regarded
Y/n. "Your sense of duty is admirable, though I can't help but wonder if you’ll be a hindrance rather than a help."
Y/N’s eyes flashed with sharpness, though her smile remained placid. She titled her head slightly before she spoke.
“I suppose we'll find out soon enough. I’ve faced challenges before. If I can endure the cold, I’m certain I can manage other
 inconveniences.”
Aemond’s lips curled slightly in a thin smile, more of a smirk than a genuine expression of amusement. “Mmm. I wonder if your resolve will hold up as well when faced with the less glamorous aspects of life here.”
“Let’s hope” y/n replied smoothly. “It’s one thing to endure the elements, another to contend with a lack of charm.”
Aemond’s gaze sharpened slightly, but his tone remained even. “Charm is not a luxury I indulge in, Princess. I prefer matters of substance.”
Y/n had a smirk of her own now, her expression thoughtful. “Substance is important, but so is the ability to navigate social graces. Otherwise, one might come off as... unlikable.”
Aemond’s expression did not shift. “And you, Princess, are known for your social prowess?”
“I am known for many things, my prince” y/n said with a wry smile.
“Including the ability to keep my composure even when faced with frosty reception—both literal and figurative.”
Aemond’s eyes flickered with a hint of respect, though he quickly masked it with his usual stoicism. “We shall see if your composure extends to the political intricacies of our alliance.”
“I have no doubt it will” y/n replied confidently. “After all, if I can manage to stay warm and navigate through a wintry castle, I believe I can handle the complexities of court politics.”
Aemond regarded her with a piercing look, as if assessing whether her confidence was merely bravado or a genuine asset. “We shall see, indeed.”
Days passed, and the cold of King's Landing seemed even more relentless. Aemond, finding solace in the library's quiet, often retreated there to escape the castle's demands. One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the ancient tomes, he entered the library to find an unexpected sight: Y/N, comfortably nestled near the hearth, a thick fur draped over her shoulders, engrossed in a book.
Aemond paused, his usual stoic demeanor faltering for a moment. He approached her with measured steps, his curiosity piqued. "Princess" he greeted, his tone more neutral than before.
Y/blooked up, a hint of surprise in her eyes before she smiled with a hint of apprehension. "Prince Aemond. I didn't expect to see you here."
"The library is a place of comfort for me" he admitted, his gaze drifting over the bookshelves. "I come here often to escape the... noise."
Y/n nodded, her fingers tracing the edges of the book she held. "I think it’s quite peaceful myself. I find the histories of your lineage particularly fascinating."
As Aemond sat across from her, he noticed the title of the book in her hands. "The Histories of Dorne and Aegon the conquerer" he remarked. "An interesting choice."
Y/n’s eyes sparkled with interest. "I was just reading about Aegon’s failed conquest of Dorne. It seems he underestimated the resilience of the Dornish people."
Aemond’s lips twitched into a faint smile. "Aegon was a formidable conqueror, but he came unprepared, the Dornish have always been adept at guerrilla warfare, using the knowledge of their land to their advantage."
Y/n leaned forward slightly, her interest genuine. "Do you think he could have succeeded if he had approached the conquest differently?"
Aemond considered her question, appreciating the depth of her curiosity. "Perhaps. He tried to discredit your ancestors with slanders and rumors when his dragons failed, of course that endeavor proved fruitless as well, if it were me I would’ve hired mercenaries familiar with the terrain and the culture”
Y/n smiled wryly “Wars are not won with bloodshed alone my prince If he had been more willing to negotiate and form alliances rather than relying solely on brute force, he might have had a better chance. The Dornish value our independence highly, we would not bow to mere threats."
Aemond’s gaze softened, clearly intrigued by her insight. “It seems you have a keen grasp of the intricacies of the histories and strategy. I imagine you would have made a formidable advisor.”
Y/n’s cheeks flushed slightly at the compliment, but she remained composed. “Thank you, my prince. I’ve always believed that knowledge and perspective are key to navigating both conflict and peace.”
Aemond’s smile widened slightly, a rare gesture that hinted at genuine admiration. “I look forward to hearing more of your perspectives.”
Their debates on the histories of the realm continued, the conversation flowing easily between them. They discussed strategies, historical figures, and the nuances of Dornish culture versus the Targaryen way of conquest. Aemond found himself increasingly drawn to her intellect and passion, her perspectives challenging and enlightening.
As the evening wore on, Aemond realized with a start that he was enjoying her company. Y/n’s confident demeanor were a stark contrast to his initial impressions. He found himself admiring the way she held her own in their debate, unafraid to challenge his views.
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As the days turned into weeks, the cold of King's Landing seemed to grow less oppressive for y/n and Aemond, though winter’s bite was still unmistakable. One crisp afternoon, the pair decided to take a stroll through the Kingswood, a vast expanse of trees and tranquility that lay on the outskirts of the city.
Wrapped in their furs, they walked side by side, their conversation flowing as seamlessly as the wind through the trees. They continued their discussion of history. Aemond found himself enthralled by y/n’s insights and the way she animatedly discussed the events of the past.
As they wandered further into the wood, engrossed in their discourse, they lost track of time. The sun dipped below the horizon, and the temperature dropped sharply. Y/n’s delicate frame began to show signs of discomfort, her shivering becoming more pronounced.
Aemond’s keen eyes noticed her struggle first. “Princess, you appear distressed” he said, his voice laced with concern. “We should head back.”
Y/n tried to maintain her composure, but her attempts were faltering. “I’m quite cold” she admitted, her voice trembling. She winced as she took another step, her limp becoming more noticeable. “Perhaps... we should indeed return.”
Aemond’s brow furrowed as he observed her growing discomfort. Without a second thought, he scooped her into his arms with surprising ease. Y/n gasped, both startled and flustered by the sudden, intimate contact. Her cheeks flushed, though it was not entirely from the cold.
Aemond, maintaining a careful hold, began to carry her back through the woods. His stride was steady and purposeful, though he could not ignore the feeling of Y/N nestled close against him. The warmth of her body against his own was both a contrast to the frigid air and a comfort he had not anticipated.
As they neared the castle, Y/N’s embarrassment was palpable. She attempted to speak through her shivering. “M-my prince, you needn’t carry me. I can manage!”
Aemond’s gaze softened as he looked down at her. “You are in no condition to walk, Princess. Allow me to ensure you are safely returned to your chambers.”
Despite her initial resistance, Y/N found herself settling into his embrace, her coldness slowly melting away with each step Aemond took. The castle’s warmth greeted them as they entered, and Aemond carried her up the grand staircase, his movements deliberate and careful.
Upon reaching their chambers, Aemond gently set y/n down on the edge of the large, ornate bed. He took a moment to stoke the fire, ensuring the room was warm and inviting. Y/n watched him with a mixture of gratitude and bashfulness.
“Thank you” she said quietly as he helped her settle under the heavy, embroidered blankets. “I didn’t expect...”
Aemond interrupted her softly, a rare tenderness in his voice. “There is no need to thank me. It is my duty as your future husband to ensure your well being.”
As the fire crackled and the warmth enveloped her, y/n began to relax. Aemond, though maintaining his usual stoicism, could not ignore the growing affection he felt. He seated himself beside her, his presence a comforting shield against the chill.
Y/n looked at him, her eyes reflecting both relief and a newfound closeness. “You’ve been very kind, Aemond. I appreciate it more than you know.”
Aemond nodded, his own emotions subtly shifting. “I am glad to see you more comfortable. It would be remiss of me to let you suffer.”
The fire's glow cast a warm halo around them, and the room was filled with a tender intimacy that seemed to wrap around them like the softest of blankets. Y/n’s eyes met Aemond's, and for a moment, the world outside their secluded chamber fell away. The air was thick with an unspoken yearning, a deep desire that neither could ignore.
Aemond's gaze softened as he took in the sight of her, his usual composure giving way to a rare display of vulnerability. The warmth from the hearth made her cheeks flush, her lips slightly parted in a way that made Aemond's heart ache with a longing he had not anticipated. He reached out, his fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from her face, his touch tender and lingering.
As he leaned in, their breaths mingled, warm and intertwined. The kiss that followed was not hurried but slow and filled with a profound tenderness. It was as if Aemond was trying to savor every moment, every sensation of her closeness. His lips moved gently against hers, exploring with a careful, reverent touch. The kiss was a quiet confession of his growing affection, a promise of warmth and devotion.
Y/n felt a delicious shiver of pleasure as he placed his warm hands under her dress and caressing her thighs, melting into his embrace, her cold body finally finding solace in the heat of his touch. Aemond's arms wrapped around her with a desperate kind of need, pulling her closer as if he could absorb her cold and make it his own. His warmth seemed to seep into her, chasing away the chill that had plagued her since her arrival.
With each press of his lips every soft touch under her clothes, Aemond conveyed a yearning that went beyond mere physical desire. It was a yearning for connection, for understanding, for something deeper than the political arrangement that had brought them together. His touch was both possessive and protective, He was a fire that would keep her brittle heart warm.
When they finally parted, their foreheads resting together, Aemond’s eye was filled with a tenderness that spoke volumes.
Y/n’s voice was low, almost a whisper. “You bring warmth to more than just my body, Aemond. You’re igniting something in me that I never knew I needed.”
Aemonds eye shone with a mix of relief and affection as he looked down at her. “I never thought I’d find comfort like this.”
Aemond’s smile was soft, almost shy, as he brushed his thumb lightly over her cheek as she spoke.
“It’s strange, isn’t it? How something so unexpected can bring such warmth to our lives.”
Y/n nuzzled her nose with his and wrapped her leg over Aemond’s waist, drawing herself closer to him. The closeness of their bodies created an even more intimate cocoon, reinforcing their shared warmth. The contact of her leg against his body was both grounding and tender, a subtle way of expressing her trust and affection.
Aemond’s hold tightened slightly, his eye closing in contentment as he savored the sensation of her closeness. His hand continued its soothing caress, and he rested his forehead against hers, his breath mingling with hers in a warm, gentle rhythm. “You are my only warmth” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.
Y/n’s eyes met his with a tender, knowing look. “And you are mine.” she replied softly, her lips brushing against his in a final, lingering kiss. They were each others warmth and comfort.
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headspace-hotel · 2 years ago
Text
I agree with the idea that a lot of humans nowadays have a severe lack of curiosity about the world, but I think there has to be a solution other than shame.
I think about this every day because the fate of our world hangs on curiosity: either we will rediscover the importance and wonders of the soil and bugs and flowers and water and finally with the whole natural world, or this way will be forgotten.
People raised in the great wasteland of the suburbs and roads and buildings have never seen most of the plants and creatures that are supposed to fill every field and meadow. So many humans have never seen with their own eyes more than a scant few of the most common of hundreds of wildflowers that are supposed to surround them. Some live in biomes designated forest and have never witnessed truly mature trees. They do not know what the birds sound like. When they see an ordinary deer, they are awed and amazed by it or even afraid of it. They have never eaten any of the delicious wild fruits that grow in their homeland; all birds except starlings and robins and sparrows are so strange and beautiful that they stare in wonder. They confront insects like people on an alien planet encountering an unknown life form: What is this? Will it hurt me?
I cannot even describe the grief I feel on behalf of humans that grow up and live in the wasteland of pavement and lawn. That we are expected to live in these brutal environments, that we are expected to be content without the right or ability to live alongside living creatures, to walk among wildflowers, to hear birdsong, to feel the plush softness of moss, to see even common bees and butterflies—the fact that we live, work, and raise our children in poisonous wastes where nearly everything has been wiped out, and the simplest and most abundant of natural pleasures are rare privileges—it's cruel. It's a crime against the human spirit. It makes me so angry and sad.
When I started researching plants, I had no idea that I would end up expanding my mind so much that I would be virtually a different person within the year. Before I learned, I could not have imagined the diversity and beauty that exists in the world. My mind did not have the tools to come up with it.
I lived for over twenty years believing that there was only one species of firefly. I lived for over twenty years not knowing that the Southeastern US has native bamboo. I had never tasted the indescribable flavor of a pawpaw or seen the iridescent vibrance of a red-spotted purple butterfly. I had only seen a Pileated Woodpecker out the window of a car. I had never touched true topsoil, the soft, living blanket of rich, sweet-smelling earth full of mycelium, as springy and plush as a mattress. Just one year ago, I knew nothing!
Humans, as creatures, are insatiably curious and hunger for beauty. It is so cruel to deprive a human of relationship with their natural environment.
It is no wonder that we are all addicted to the internet—we have a crucial need that is unfulfilled. Compared with a forest, the world of lawns and buildings is so ridiculously flat and unstimulating. You would expect humans in such a place to feel constantly bored, restless, frustrated, and incurably sad.
I feel that lack of curiosity can be a chosen thing, but it is also a defense mechanism against a world that will feel like sandpaper on the senses of the curious.
But we need curiosity to fix this—we need the ability to notice the living things that have crept in at the edges of the wasteland and be infected and tormented by their beauty. We need to recognize the forest reaching into our cage in the form of tiny saplings. We need to discard the word "weed," not because it is derogatory because it is fundamentally incurious—it designates a plant as needing no identity outside of its unwantedness. We must learn their names. We must wonder what their names are.
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i-starcreamed · 2 months ago
Note
Can I request how Megs would feel if he fought his beloved, reader needs to beat some sense to him and help him from being blinded with hatred. (Tf one plz) Also I want a good ending cuz I'm still sad about the movie. And if it isn't obvious cybertronian reader.
MEGATRON X READER
Obviously Tf One spoilers! God this was so fun to write, I just hope I got their personalities right. I haven't written anything this long in a while !! Also I never knew I'd be so much of a Megatron enjoyer until this movie...yeah, it took me this long.
[ cybertronian! reader Angst and eventually fluff, could be pretty rushed tbh but I just want him to healll. Very NOT canon to the movie
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You knew it wasn’t your D-16 the moment his optics changed. Or maybe it was the way he distanced himself from you and your friends in a matter of hours--maybe minutes. It was a subconscious, subtle shift, but one you wished you could have talked him out of.
You suppose you saw the changed D-16 once you made it to the hideout of the High Guard fliers. Your once-kind, responsible lover was gripping Starscream by the neck, his hold tightening with every word from the flier beneath him.
You glanced at Orion, Elita, and Bee, all frozen in horror. You panicked and you stepped forward, placing your servo on his shoulder. Before you could continue, he whirled around, optics burning with a cold, harsh light—practically glaring at you.
“Y/N
“
“D, what the hell are you doing?!” You demanded, your voice steady despite his glare. “This isn’t like you, this isn’t the way, come on.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, his optics locked onto Starscream again. He was seething, the flier grinning through the pain wasn't helping your case either.
“Come on, do it! Do it, don’t be a c-coward!” Starscream sputtered through glitching vocal processors, even as D-16’s servo squeezed harder, threatening to crush the life from him.
D-16 narrowed his optics, “I’m not a coward!” He roared as Starscream’s cackling turned into garbled screeches
You attempted to push him away, roughly shoving him by the shoulder. “D, stop it!” He shoved you back. The sudden force sent you stumbling, and when you steadied yourself, you found yourself staring down the barrel of his arm cannon. His orange optics were locked on you, but for a fleeting moment, they softened. It was like he didn't recognize you, but then he hesitated.
“Stay out of my way, from now on.” He said lowly, as if his words pained him. “Please.”
His hesitation vanished as the cannon swung back toward Starscream. You stood there, stunned, until Orion and Elita rushed over to pull you up. Then you just stood and did nothing.
You watched in horror as D-16 continued to declare himself as someone they should follow to victory. Oh, you knew how much he wanted Sentinel dead now. Hell, you did too. But you weren’t sure if this was the right way. You weren’t a bad bot. Neither was D-16, he never was. You had to do something...before things got bad.
You recalled the moment just before he
snapped.
___
“Y/N, don’t you see? He’s been lying this whole time.” “Yes, D. I see, I know. But—“ “I want him dead. I just-I need..I need to see him suffer. Look what he did. To you. To me. To us. We could have been..so much more.” He placed his servo over your spark, right above where your transformation cog was. He used to dream of you two racing together, having fun. Hell, flying even. Back then he didn’t know what he would transform into. “We can still be more, D. We have a bigger purpose now, we were given the ability to transform by a prime himself. We just need to..show everyone the truth. And we will. Then we can—“ “It’s not enough.” He blurted out, pulling you closer as if it was the last time he’d hold you. “You deserve so much better. I promise you, Y/N. I promise you he will pay.”
___
Things only got worse from there. You reached your breaking point when you saw D-16—no, Megatron—vanish Orion himself. You couldn’t believe it. They were like brothers. And now, your beloved had become something else entirely. And yet, you still felt helpless.
You rushed over, avoiding and pushing the other bots as you made your way to where D-16 stood. They all cheered him on as he was trying to lift Sentinel into the air. He was going to kill him. He really was.
“D, stop it! Look what you’ve done!” You shouted, stomping your way forward, frustration boiling inside. You slammed your shaking fist into his shoulder. Primus, you were pissed at him right now.
“Please, please! Tell me what the hell you’re doing. This wasn’t a part of the plan.” You pleaded with him, hoping you’d somehow get him to react. Instead, he inched closer, the same stance you’d expect of someone challenging you. “No, you’re wrong. This was the plan. It was what had to be done. How can I get you to see that.” He visibly calmed for a moment, reaching out a servo to brush against the side of your faceplate. Despite everything, it’s still him. And he loved you.
You hesitated, then stepped back. Oh, how it pained you. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand your goal.” You said, barely above a whisper. Time seemed to freeze, and he slowly lowered his arm. In an instant, you watched his gaze darken.
“Then you’re just in my way.”
__
Your hopes were revived as Orion, now as Optimus Prime, came back, the matrix of leadership implanted into his chest. Optimus had saved the life of Sentinel (perhaps a little undeserved), knowing there was another way to deal with this. But now he has to save..practically all of Iacon. Maybe just maybe, between the two of you, you can stop Megatron.
The fight between the two friends wasn’t solving anything, you only feared they’d end up killing each other. You got rid of your fear, inserting yourself in the fight just as they managed to gain some distance from eachother. He grunted as you shoved him harder this time, his footing a bit unsteady from his existing injuries.
“What are yo—“
“I told you, stop. This,” you punctuated every word with a shove. “Is. Madness!” You panted, glaring up at your lover. “Come back to me, D. This isn’t the real you. I know it isn’t.” You pleaded, he responded with an irritated grunt.
“I, am Megatron. Not D-16, I am not that bot anymore. Y/N, stand down-“
“No! You stand down! You’re acting foolishly right now! I won't just stand here and watch you destroy yourself and--” You yelled, going straight for him to push him again, but he stopped you with a raise of his cannon. You froze in your tracks.
"Back down, Y/N." He said with a growl. You narrowed your optics, leaning your frame right up against the barrel, hearing a light clink.. The glow illuminated your armor. For a second, you saw his optics widen. He paused, licking his teeth. "I don't want to fight you. But I-"
"But you will if you have to, right? That's what you were going to say? Do it then," Your voice cracked, "I have nothing left to lose."
He huffed, so be it. He lunged towards you, and you raised your arms, blocking the strike. You opened up to move his blaster out of the way, leaving your side open to his incoming fist. It collided with your side, sparks flying from the contact. You grunted, stumbling back. When he came at you again, you caught his arm, pulling him close until you were face to face.
"We're both being foolish right now, are you happy yet? You panted, he grits his teeth.
"Quit saying that!" He growled, shoving you away. He shot his cannon, the blast flying past your side. You slid to avoid it, earning another blast from him. He fired his cannon, but the shot missed. He was aiming wide on purpose. You blinked, you knew his aim wasn't that bad...primus, he really was missing on purpose. If you weren't fighting right now, you'd swoon.
"Are you missing on purpose?" You asked incredulously.
"No! I.. yes..no! Listen to me, Y/N. We can end this now, if you let me do this one thing."
"You've already done enough. D..."
"Don't call me that."
He lunged again, but this time, you sidestepped, charging into him and sending him crashing to the ground, the side of his face hit the ground. You managed to pin him momentarily, struggling to keep him from standing.
"This isn't what you want. Trust me.." You paused. "Megs. Please."
He tensed beneath you, then slightly loosened as you called him 'Megs.'
"This is revenge, it won't help you feel any better. Not long-term. You'll only continue hating and hating, I can't bear to lose you like this. It's...it's tearing us apart." You shuddered, loosening your grip.
Eventually, you felt his breathing slow to a decent pace, slowly, you climbed off him, kneeling beside him. He sighed. "I..I don't know how to stop." He quietly said. You leaned forward, placing a servo against his jaw. "I can help you. I will help you. Megs, you have me with you. You have..Optimus with you. We're all with you."
You both knelt silently for a moment, gathering each other's thoughts. Finally, he had the courage to look up at you. You might never see those big yellow optics of his again, but at least now they weren't so cold. They held some type of sincerity. "I'm..so sorry." He breathed out.
You almost sighed in relief. "You're still angry, and that's okay, alright? Now it's my turn to promise you, we'll deal with this differently. It won't feel fair at first, but it's the right thing to do. Stand up." You gently said, extending your servo out to him. He slowly took your servo, his grip as gentle, almost afraid of breaking you. Primus, how he regrets hurting you. You can see it written all over his face. He was blinded by rage, he was indeed acting foolish. His optics briefly flicked to Sentinel, still on the ground and honestly, grateful to still be in one single piece. He turned away before the anger could return.
"I didn't want to hurt you," He whispered.
You softly scoffed, gently nudging him. This time, without any defensive intent. "You controlled yourself better than I did. I wanted to beat your aft, D-- Megs." You joked, earning a small, bittersweet smile.
You took your servos in his, softly smiling at him. You turned to Optimus, who was just as relieved as you were. "Optimus, do you think Megs and I can help rebuild Iacon? The way it's supposed to be?"
Optimus smiled gently, looking proud. "Of course you can. We all can." He looked at Megatron, his gaze firm but kind. "I am glad to have you back, friend."
Megatron nodded, still tense but..accepting. One day, they'll be as brothers again. You just know it. "As am I." He said, turning to you. His gaze softened. "Y/N...I love you."
"I love you as well, Megs."
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mellowdracwitch · 26 days ago
Text
Recommended tips for research as a beginner witch/practioner:
Research as a beginner can at times feel stressful if you don't know credibilties or anything about the craft really. So, I'm going to share some tips I use in my practice and would recommend when researching witchcraft.
Research what interests you. If research begins to feel like a task instead of genuine interest or fun, there will be problems down the line with researching thoroughly. That isn't to say don't research things that bore you, it means that you should take what resonates with you and from there you can begin to build the framework for your personal craft.
Does the source align with your moral standing and personal beliefs? If the answer is no, time to find a new source. For example, if a source is fully against any harm towards another person and tries to push that narrative on the reader/viewer (or vice versa) and it's not something you personally align with, find another source. The most important example of this is many authors are bigots, terfs or cultural appropriaters. Remember to research the author and their practice before trusting what they have to say.
What may work for some people will not work for you. Do not feel inclined to do everything a certain way as said by a certain practioner. The point of witchcraft is to develop your own habits and outlooks. Crystals and astrology may work best for someone, but you may have an inclination towards herbs and palmistry for example. You do not need to practice every form of witchcraft out there. So circling back to the first point, pay mind to what sparks joy and what aligns with your abilities.
Take everything with a grain of salt. Learn to question what you learn. As witchcraft and spirituality have been practiced in many cultures for many years, things have evolved and been taken from one context to the next. Research various practices and rituals as well as the authors and cultures who promoted said practices
Use multiple sources. Blindly believing one post can be harmful, especially when concerning topics that can be a manner of physical safety (fire hazards, dressing candles, consumption and burning of herbs) or spiritual safety (spirit work, baneful work, trickster spirits). The more research the better, as it solidifies understanding too.
Do not rely solely on social media, but use it as a crutch to what you already know. Many content creators care more about views or aesthetics than educating. But many creators also DO care about what they're putting out there and have genuinely good tips and tricks for various practices. Just be wary.
Don't worry about aesthetics or perfection when you're just learning. Don't let pinterest photos of altars downplay your own craft and beauty. Right now, you're learning new topics and there's plenty of time later to find pretty altar tools or to neatly scribe in a leather journal. Don't let it distract you from research, and ultimately, the goal is to grow.
Have fun with it! There are so many research topics, and it can be as expansive or specific as you make it. Remember this isn't supposed to be stressful, it's supposed to be rewarding.
(Please add your own tips too if you'd like!)
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