#i still have fictional character trauma from 2009

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My top 30 favourite female villains of all time (20-11)

<<<<Previous part (30-21)

In case this post just randomly popped up on your suggested feed or your researched tag, this is part 2 of a 3 where I rank my favourite female antagonists of all time.

The word "villain" is just there in the title because it sounds cooler.

You can reach the first part by, you guessed it, clicking on the link up above. I encourage you to do it, since this list is intended to be consumed one entry after the other.

Feel free to disregard this post if you aren't interested in the opinions of a random individual on the internet.

Also, if it still wasn't clear enough, this list is highly subjective.

Number 20: The Beldam (Coraline)

I didn't want to have this villain in the list.

I SO didn't want to have this villain in the list.

But here she is anyway; despite all of my attempts at ignoring her, trying to forget she exists, and excluding her even from the honourable mentions, my better judgement prevailed in the end and I forced myself to include her anyway.

To be perfectly clear: I don't hate the Other Mother.

Hatred isn't the reason why I was avoiding her so desperately; though love and admiration aren't the reasons why I ended up including her either.

You see,

I AM DEEPLY TRAUMATIZED BY HER.

For those of you who don't know, Coraline is an animated stop-motion picture of 2009 produced by Laika Entertainment and directed by Henry Selick.

The story, by pure coincidence, also happens to be based upon a horror book for children that a father wrote to his own two daughters to explain to them the dangers of trusting people you don't know who show you too much kindness and pretend to love you.

The ACTUAL motion picture, also by a random pull of quantum strings, is marketed as a horror movie for children and contains some unsettling visuals and themes.

I, like many other kids, watched Coraline before I had 2 digits of age: this movie was my very first introduction to the horror genre, and despite it being pretty tame by children's standards and my modern tolerance level, at the time of my first watch, IT HAUNTED ME.

Even if it had an apparently happy ending (yes, I did end up watching Coraline's theory videos eventually), this movie left a permanent scar of trauma in my brain, that carried over for the rest of my days in elementary school, and at the time, I had just STARTED my days in elementary school.

I became incredibly paranoid of the dark and small, Coraline sized wooden door of the pan storage under my house's chimney; I became afraid of needles, buttons, and other Coraline themed objects; and of course, at the centre of all of my nightmares, phobias, and anxieties, there she stood above the rest, forever carving an irremovable space in my psyche just for her:

The Other Mother.

Out of all the icons of evil present here, none of them can claim to have inflicted the same level of psychological trauma that The Other Mother has inflicted on me; the Beldam pretty much lives in my head rent free on a subconscious level, and whenever something scary and dangerous comes to mind, her image is the one that I associate with.

And it's easy to understand why: without spoiling much of the story, she's super threatening, always in control of any situation, and acts and speaks in an unnatural manner that doesn't feel human (in particular, her hand's mannerisms fascinate and terrify me at the same time).

But all of her other characteristics and intimidation factors pale in comparison to what is, in my opinion, her best aspect: the character design.

I wholeheartedly consider The Other Mother to have one of the best horror monster designs ever, in any work of fiction. And that's all due to how her design brilliantly weaves together functionality, intimidation, and a stunning aesthetic, with the stop motion animation technique as the cherry on top of this nightmare fest for the eyes.

Other Mother, we may have had our differences, and you might have ruined my childhood forever, but I won't no longer deny the impact that you had on my life just because of how much I fear you.

Number 19: Root (Person Of Interest)

And now we arrive at what might be the most controversial entry on this list (it really isn't), as Samantha Groves went such a long way from her villainous roots while basically remaining the exact same character that you might even start to question if she ever was a villain in the first place.

Then you see her casually telling a guy in a stolen car's hood that she kidnapped from the airport and replaced herself with to chill out, as she is about to have a long flight because of what the voice in her ear is saying to her, all the while Harold stands there speechless, and you suddenly remember "Oh yeah, this isn't even the most psychotic thing she has done this season".

Person of Interest is the wet, pill sized dream of any fan of 1984. This 2011-2016 TV show takes many of the elements that made George Orwell's stories so captivating and uses them to craft its own narrative; it's a series with a unique identity, one that, in retrospect, was way up ahead of its times, and should have had a longer lasting impact on Pop culture outside of that one meme.

Although the show has an amazing main cast, one of the most obvious standout characters is without a shadow of a doubt Samantha Groves, aka Root, played by Amy Acker, one of the first major antagonists of the series.

The story of Root is a highly unexpected one, full of twists and turns, but to summarise, she starts off hating human kind and preferring computers to it, then she actually falls in love with the Machine, a sentient godlike AI guiding our protagonists, and kidnaps one of the main characters and the father of said Machine in order to meet her.

Shenanigans ensue: the Machine starts to reciprocate Root's feelings, and after Root's arc ends with her depressed and heartbroken, the Machine decides to help Sam reform and leave her misanthropy behind, effectively making her a full time member of the team.

She eventually falls in love and starts a relationship with another member of the team after threatening said team mate with a hot iron as their very first meeting, and in the final episode of the show, she gets immortalised by the Machine in a way that I won't spoil.

This is the hyper synthesized version of the events, one that doesn't even cover much of Root's villainous actions and redemption arc.

I've enjoyed Root both as a villain and both as a hero, and as a villain, she was incredibly solid (and hot).

The best part about Root is that, although she reforms and becomes a hero that cares about others, at her core, she still remains the psychopath the show introduced her as, therefore, she maintains the entertainment value of her villainy well into her redemption, effectively becoming the funniest member of the team by a long shot.

Root was my very first experience with a nuanced, hot, psychotic female antagonist that doesn't get treated as biologically evil by narrative, one that, admittedly, has never been quite matched in terms of consistency and scale, probably making her the most unique character of its archetype.

Her story flows seamlessly when you are watching the series, yet when you take a step back and see the full picture of what actually happened, you realise just how crazy, absurd, and well written all of it was; and although Root's arc has some minor flaws in the later seasons, she's still, without a shadow of a doubt, the best character in the show, at least in my opinion, and I would definitly recommend watching Person Of Interest just for her alone, even if the whole thing is worth looking into.

(Also, the soundtrack of this show slaps, and Root's theme isn't an exception)

Number 18: Jobu Tupaki (EveryThing Everywhere All 👆At👇 🥯Nc€)

Life can get pretty overwhelming.

No other movie captures this feeling better than Everything Everywhere All At Once.

When you have a masterpiece of a movie such as Everything Everywhere All At Once, that manages to convey the overwhelming feeling of life and the weight of each and every single one of our choices through just the 3 hour span of its runtime, the only way to cap off such an amazing experience is with a great villain.

And thankfully, that's exactly what Jobu Tupaki is, but much like the rest of the movie, it's pulled off in an unconventional way.

I can't possibly keep this section coherent for Jobu, so here's some random rambling:

I love how the movie managed to mix in the mother/daughter drama with Jobu's villainy and her desire to collapse the entire multiverse: it's like, Jobu's plan is to commit interdimensional genocide and destroy every reality, yet somehow she manages to come off as one of the most sympathetic female villains and her redemption and reconciliation with her mother at the end of the movie is so impactful and completely believable and I'm just like...

How?!?!?!???!?

How do you pull off such a feat?!?!??!?

The answer is through masterful writing of course, and a lot of other story decisions, that, when added up, create the story that we have now.

Like, Jobu scores relatively low on this list because I'm not as impressed by her as I am with others, but even I do recognise that she's such a storytelling feat:

I vividly remember that when I was watching the movie for the first time, I outright hated Jobu for the great majority of it, which is insane, since I'm usually not the kind of person who despises villains; in retrospect, it probably was because I associated her way too much with XGaster from Underverse, and I conditioned myself into thinking the narrative would go in that direction.

But then, as the story went on, the truth came out, and all the characters developed, I actually started to really sympathise with her, and ended up buying the conclusion to her arc completely.

But honestly, this movie in general just does things that I never thought would have been possible in a story of any medium, let alone an indie budget motion picture.

Jobu's wardrobe is stacked, to say that is award worthy would be an understatement, and the Bagel reveal speech is so good that it almost overshadows the rest of her already amazing introduction scene.

If you think Jobu is unfairly ranked too low, that's totally fine, know that even if I prefer all of the following characters over her, in my mind, I still recognise that Jobu is probably worthy of a top 10, maybe even top 5 Spot to be completely honest, as she really is that compelling.

Number 17: Livewire (DC)

(Don't pay too much attention to the fact that this picture only highlights DC Super Hero Girls version of Livewire, at first I wanted to do a collage of all the different versions of the character, but this project tired me out to no end, and therefore I decided to save time)

My favourite female supervillain from DC is surprisingly not from Batman's rogue's gallery.

Livewire is the female version of what the Riddler means for me, aka a villain who I either forget exists entirely, or one of my favourite villains ever, which is fitting, since they are both from DC.

And while Livewire hasn't bounced back to the status of an all time favourite in a long time, I still really value the joyful memories that she brought to a younger version of me.

Leslie Tompkins is a character who made her first debut in Superman the animated series, and who later made the jump to the comic book pages after the success of said project.

In the show, she's introduced as a self-absorbed radio host, who uses/gained her popularity by spreading her negative opinions of Superman. After the Man of Tomorrow goes to a public event organised by Leslie to warn her and her audience about the dangers of an upcoming storm, Leslie gets mad at him, refuses to collaborate, and subsequently gets hit by the lightning passing through Superman's body into a wire on the ground.

The combination between the lightning and the kriptonian genes make the radio host gain cyan hairs, a pale skin, and electricity themed powers: Leslie Tompkins is no more, and now there's only Livewire, the jock with the shock most powerful that Metropolis has ever seen!

She's the definition of pure, umbrindled fun; her personality is ironically and unironically so energetic that it carries the entire character and could probably write an entire music album on his own; classic comic book Electro wishes to be this interesting of a jerk character.

Much like many other comic book characters, she has a plethora of many different takes on her story, and here I've written down some that I want to highlight the most:

CW Supergirl: I'm starting with the CW Supergirl TV show because... it has the version of Livewire that introduced me to the character.

Yeah, I know what the general consensus about the show's quality is, but I'm not here to talk about that.

This serie's version of Livewire, at least in the first few seasons, because those are the ones that I remember the most, I sincerely thought was really good, or at least good enough to turn me into a long time fan's of her; some time has passed since I first saw this show, but I remember especially enjoying Leslie's rivalry with Supergirl and her ungrateful brat/bully behaviour, she was so mean, and I really bought Supergirl calling Leslie her defacto arch nemesis, so much so that, in fact, although I'd always prefer for Livewire's origins to tie with the Man of Steel, because he needs more female villains even if he has some, eventually, I'd like for her to make the switch to the role of Supergirl's foil whenever given the chance in any continuity, as the two always have a more interesting dynamic in my opinion due to their similar personalities.

Once again, I shall reiterate: I want Livewire to always start as a Superman villain, because those two have a very interesting dynamic in their own right, and Leslie does what all the best Superman villains do and challenges him phisically, morally and psychologically in interesting ways, but I believe that eventually, after Leslie has been in her villain career for a while and Supergirl has gone through her initial arc of learning to accept Earth as her new home, Livewire should get a promotion and become one of Supergirl's greatest enemies, because in my opinion, those two have a lot of chemistry together due to a decent number of reasons that I'm not going to explain right now.

Superman the Animated series: This is the very first on screen debut of the character, and to this day, it remains as solid as it once was, she's not as good of a character as some of the other original creations of the Animated Universe, but she's still really iconic in her own right. However, I feel like the show should have done a better job at evolving her character after her origin episode, because one problem that always seems to consistently pop-up with Livewire is how to further expand on her character after her introduction, it shouldn't be that hard, but comic book writers seem to typically always mess it up.

LEGO DC Super Heroes Villains: Despite her role in the story being rather minor and the fact that she's the only inmate released by complete accident during the prison escape, if you asked me, I'll tell you that Livewire's inclusion in the main storyline of LEGO DC Super Villains improves that part of the game by a lot, actually, and I really love playing as Livewire in this game, they gave her a lot of unique flair and environmental interactions that make her such a blast to use, she's so visually appealing and satisfying to play that I would always switch to her whenever I could.

My Adventures With Superman: I have yet to watch this show unfortunately, but I have heard about the creative decisions that they took for Livewire, and although I didn't think this version of the character was up to a good start, I'm happy that they ended up expanding on her in the following seasons, even if I have yet to see how much the show actually improved her character. More than anything, I'm intrigued by how much different this version of Leslie is from the others, as I feel like many of her comic books fell into the trap of trying to differentiate her while relying too much on her STAS incarnation without adding a whole lot to it.

DC Super Hero Girls: From a somewhat objective standpoint, I believe the DCSHG version of Livewire to be the best current iteration of the character, because it's the only one who updates the character in a meaningful way and combines together most of her previous incarnations, including the ones who hadn't worked as well.

Number 16: Dolores Jane Umbridge (Harry Potter)

Specifically the movie version, she is, no bite at me, the best villain of the entire series.

There's just, something so delightful about Umbridge's ability to strike fear into the heart of everyone around her and hatred into the heart of the watchers that, at least for me, never gets old.

Rowling did such an amazing job conceptualising every single aspect of this character, it feels like every single idea came together to form such an unforgettable package of human awfulness.

All of her quirks and mannerisms just make her that much more unnerving.

The pink wall full of kittens inside small plates?

By the way, when I said that Umbridge is the best villain of the series, I was talking specifically about the movies. Don't worry Voldemort stans, I know that he was characterised differently in the books, though I've a feeling I'd probably prefer her over him even there, since she is more of the type of character I tend to gravitate towards.

Nightmare fuel.

In general, what really gets me about Umbridge as a villain is how she perfectly fits into this uncanny territory, some find her to be cartoonishly evil, but to me, that seems rather inappropriate, as there's absolutely nothing about Umbridge that I would defy as "cartoonish".

I read The Order Of The Phoenix a long time ago, so even if my memory of the character is rather lackluster, I do think her movie adaptation was rather faithful to the source material.

There's admittedly, not much I can say about the book/movie version that hasn't been said already, congratulations Imelda Staunton for bringing such an unforgettably evil character to life in the best/worst way possible.

However... There's still one version of the character I want to talk about, and that version is the STARKID version from A VERY POTTER SEQUEL.

If you haven't seen STARKID's A Very Potter Musical trilogy, I'd highly recomend you doing so: although none of the three stage shows are quite STARKID's very best (Twisted is in my opinion), they are all highly worth the watch, they are all on YouTube for free, and their Umbridge is one of highlight of the second one:

They ramped up on Umbridge's similarities with the Trunchbull and made her ten times more insane and scary as a result of her newfound physical prowess; give it a watch, you won't be disappointed.

These are the links to all three musicals:

A Very Potter Musical

A Very Potter Sequel

A Very Potter Senior Year

Number 15: GLaDOS (Portal series)

GLaDOS is one of the main antagonists of the Portal series.

She is this truly sadistic, intelligent AI with a complicated backstory, who tortures our protagonist by forcing her to complete a seemingly endless number of puzzles, which make up most of the gameplay.

Now it has unfortunately been a while since I've sat through both of the Portal games, so I wasn't sure how much I could say about GLaDOS by going off of pure memory alone, so I watched again various cutscenes from both games and... yeah, she's as good as I remembered her to be.

Simply put, she is hilarious, she's the mother of all the funny AI antagonists, and definitely the G.O.A.T. of every one liner machine you can possibly imagine.

I'm honestly going to keep her section extremely short and concise, as I don't have much to say about her that hasn't been said already by bigger Portal fans than me; she is one of the most iconic AI villains of all time after all, so if don't know anything about her already, I encourage you to check out the Portal games by yourself instead of getting spoiled.

Funny, threatening, interesting, mysterious, dynamic, both Portal levels in LEGO Dimensions were some of the best in that game, and she even has a great arc in the second installment of the series.

Here's the link to her villain song in Portal, and Portal 2.

I may update this section in the future if I feel like it, but for now, just know that I think GLaDOS is pretty cool.

I don't have a deep understanding of her like I have with other characters, so I mostly stick to the superficial funny stuff.

Don't worry GLaDOS fans, I also like her over Wheatley.

The deadly neurotoxin does wonders for Valve.

No wonder they haven't produced anything as interesting in a long while.

Number 14: Ashley Graves (The Coffin of Andy and Leyley)

As I've already said in the introduction segment, villain protagonists count too, though, admittedly, there aren't many examples that come to my mind.

Root up there only became a protagonist eventually, and the only other two examples that I know are Homura Akemi (which is a complicated case) and that one character from a TV show that sings "I'm the villain of my own story". (I never saw either show to be clear)

And in the case of Ashley Graves, I've never seen a character as compelling and deceptive as her, she is so misleading and manipulative that she convinced the entire internet of being pure evil.

(It's an over exaggeration, in case it wasn't clear)

At the time of writing this, only two chapters of the full game have been released, therefore, there's a high possibility that everything that I'm about to say on Ashley is going to become obsolete or incorrect once the next chapter comes out.

The narrative and characters of The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley are very complicated ones, and there are a lot of poorly thought out takes going around, but anyway, here's what I like and what fascinates me about Ashley as a character:

I love how Ashley feels like a subversion of the typical demon child trope, she plays a lot into all of the stereotypes associated with these types of character, but when you take a look back to analyse all of her moments, you notice a lot of small details that contradict this idea of Ashley just being an unredeemable monster; little things that add up to make the Burial route all that much more tragic for her.

Oh, by the way, I showed this section to a friend to know their reaction, and they told me that they actually hate Ashley and find her disgusting, and to that I say, it's perfectly valid if you think Ashley is too evil and repulsive to be sympathised with, after all, a part of the game's horror does come from the protagonists messed up actions, and the story does actively try to make you dislike Ashley as much as possible, so, your opinion is completely fair.

If it was up to me, I would put all of these characters on an electric chair, even my top 2 absolute favourites or the ones who don't really deserve it like number 8.

All except Livewire.

It's not because an electric chair wouldn't work on her, the lethal injection still exists, no, I just don't want her to die.

She's funny, I'll give her a pass.

She can commit as many atrocities as she wants to.

It's admittedly impossible to talk about Ashley without also mentioning the deuteragonist of the game, her brother Andrew, who Ashley spends the most amount of time interacting with.

While I don't like Andrew as much as his sister, it's impossible to go on without admitting that their toxic relationship is the highlight of the game, it's just this overly complicated back and forth of a need for closure and a fear of abandonment; desperate people taking desperate actions against each other because of the desperate measures the other person is taking as a result of who they are and what they do.

I absolutely love diving deep into Ashley's messed up Psyche: it's very interesting to see just how realistic her portrayal of a mental illness is, and her sudden fits of rage are something that I relate to immensely.

She also pulls, oh, some small, little crimes here and there, you know...

murder...

cannibalism...

.......

matricide...

Just a tiny bit of tomfoolery here and there, we all did it at some point in our lives. (No)

But yeah, I really don't want to spoil much of the game, but Ashley does commit some truly heinous acts throughout her adventures, it's really hard for me to describe what Ashley's character is truly like without spoiling the story, but I would definitely recommend checking out this game once it's fully completed.

If you are interested in psychological horror or dark themes, The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley got you covered good.

Number 13: Vesuvia (Totò Sapore and the Magic History of Pizza) (Cartoon of Kinder Ferrero) (Movie of the Italian studio Lanterna Magica) (Based on the book "Il cuoco prigioniero" written by Roberto Piumini)

Despite this only being number 13, the particular obscurity and irrelevance of this piece of media is such to force me to make an entire explanation and analysis in order to do it justice. I didn't think I would end up liking this character as much as I do, but after recently watching this movie for the first time ever, I knew that I had to talk about this baddie in any way, shape or form.

Vesuvia is the main antagonist of an Italian movie made by the studio Lanterna Magica "Totò Sapore e la Magica Storia della Pizza", released in 2003. She is a volcanic sorceress made entirely of lava and fire that lives inside the Vesuvio, a famous Italian volcano.

Every day, Vesuvia spends her time watching over the city of Naples and it's inhabitants through a lava television/pool, and bossing around/abusing his own minion, Vincenzone, an ogre aspiring actor.

Although it was never actually stated in the movie, it's pretty clear that Vesuvia is constantly bored inside her volcanic lair, but can't go out because the rain could potentially kill her, so she is just stuck there being grumpy, only finding relief and amusement through the suffering of the inhabitants of Naples, but even that is threatened by our titular protagonist: Antonio Salvatore "Totò" Sapore, who cheers up the Neapolitans with his inspiring songs.

Growing increasingly frustrated with Antonio's positive influence over the lives of the townsfolk, Vesuvia sets out to destroy the happiness of Totò and ruin is life by making him miserable. There's only one problem with her plan.... Totò is already miserable. He was a destitute orphan with nothing to lose, no talent, no way to achieve his dreams and barely struggling to survive.

And that's where the true messed up nature of this villain comes to shine through: in order to remedy this, Vesuvia decides that she is first gonna give Totò everything, and then she is gonna take that away from him. So, she sends her minion to give him magic pots capable of cooking up any delicious food imaginable, helps Totò find the love of his life, and then, by luring the King, Queen, and Prince of Naples to his newly opened restaurant, gets him nominated to the position of Royal Cook; the downside, to this last one, is that if he refuses the role the Prince is going to cut his head off, and by accepting, he leaves the citizens of Naples without his delicious meals and inspiring songs, bringing the bad mood back in town.

But that's the point in the movie where Vesuvia's plan starts to shift from a simple fit of pettyness to an actual destructive, violent act of war: remember that long range lava pool/television that I mentioned at the beginning? She uses it to update her plan whenever she needs to, and after she learns that the royal family of France is visiting Naples to arrange the marriage between their daughter and the Prince, she decides to fabricate a conflict between the two countries by making Totò serve inedible garbage to the two royal families, which leads to an argument between the two and the eventual declaration of war.

Also, remember that love interest I've mentioned? Well, Vesuvia induces Totò to think that said romantic partner was the one to betray him by swapping out the magic pots with normal ones, and now that Totò has been put in jail for serving garbage to the dinner table and inadvertently starting the war he blames her for his misfortune (Also, while in jail, Vesuvia mocks Totò from a safe distance calling him a zero).

Cut to the end of the movie, Vesuvia, at the peak of her rage, decides that she is going to kill all of our heroes and then destroy the city of Naples with a volcanic eruption. Unfortunately, this is where her plan fails and she is betrayed by her minion who has had enough of her cruelty and decides to help the protagonist.

She eventually dies of a sad, uneventful death, and Totò Sapore manages to stop the war between the two countries by using the flames of the Vesuvio to cook a brand new, never seen before food: the Pizza.

...

So.

Let me get this straight: every single good thing that happened to Totò throughout the entire course of the movie happened because Vesuvia couldn't bear with the fact that he still had a positive outlook on life despite literally being a homeless orphan who struggled to get by and spread positivity in town; she went out of her way to make Totò happy only to then remove said happiness from him, and came up with the idea to start a war and destroy Naples on the fly while she could.

......

THAT IS S+++ B###H BEHAVIOUR.

There are villains who hate for the sake of hating, like your typical high school bully or the as###le rival character, and then there's Vesuvia, who works off her own ass, fabricates overly complicated plans on the fly, spends an insane amount of time, resources and effort to make sure that the person she secretly hates finally obtains the life of his dreams, only to then rip said life away from him, all of this and more, because why?

She hates his music.

She's basically fiery, female Anti-Flash.

Vesuvia is a great foil to Antonio because while they are both miserable individuals stuck in an unfortunate situation, Totò goes out of his way to make other people happy unlike him, while Vesuvia goes out of her way to make other people miserable like her.

She is by far the best part of the movie, and although I can't put her inside the top 10 because she doesn't quite deserve it (at least in my mind) and I can't recommend you to watch the movie because it's only in Italian, I will give the lava witch the respect that she's long overdue by asking you all to check out this video tribute made by Arkham Asylum on YouTube.

Please, look at the Tribute, it's very funny, well edited, and unlike all the other links in this post, you don't even have to leave Tumblr to watch it, just click on the play button and watch it from here.

However, though, if you are an Italian speaker, or is currently learnering/wants to learn Italian, then here's the link to the movie; it's a pretty fun watch, even if it goes by rather quickly.

Totò Sapore And The Magic History Of Pizza

And here's instead the single video for Vesuvia's villain song, in case you were looking for it. I'd also recommend watching it, even if you can't understand the lyrics, and it might make you more interested in the character.

Number 12: The Enchantress (Shovel Knight series)

Sometimes I feel like I am the only person on Earth who thinks about The Enchantress as highly as I do; so much so that, whenever I like to play around with the concept of a possible league of Indie Game villains (similar to the Legion of Doom, or the most obvious inspiration, the council of Disney villains from the first Kingdom Hearts), I would always put her as the leader.

And this seems weird, right? (no, not like the rest of your list)

I mean, on a surface level, she is just a Maleficent wannabe, and, to give her credit when credit is due, she pulls it off decently well.

She has stage and off stage presence, she's always serious and threatening, and her design is different enough to not feel as if she's solely a rip off. All of her boss fights are incredibly solid too, even the ones where she's not fighting in directly.

The thing is, despite being a one note pretty simple character, I never find The Enchantress boring.

And I feel like I know why: even if she is in all of the games, the function that she serves in the story is always different and varied, and it works to almost give her dimension, as if she was a product of well made world building.

In Shovel of Hope, she is the physical representation of Shovel Knight's guilt and depression stopping him from being a hero, his source of unhappiness, as well as the embodiment of his rivalry with Black Knight for Shield Knight; in this campaign, the Enchantress is the centre of Shovel and Black Knight's attention, but not just because she's the bad guy the heroes need to take down, but because she's what remains of Shield Knight after the aftermath of the Tower of Fate battle in SoT, she's a constant reminder for both shovel wielding knights of what they have lost, and what they could gain back if they just reached out for it.

In Plague of Shadows, she is relegated as the culmination of Plague Knight desperation and lack of self worth leading him further and further into villainy, but her relevance is portrayed in a different way than the other campaigns;

Her boss fight in this campaign is as cathartic and narratively satisfying as the others, but for different reasons; it's the first time ever where The Enchantress isn't taken seriously.

In all the other campaigns, The Enchantress is played up as the biggest deal ever and the ultimate source of pain and sorrow: she's an emotional, phisical barrier stopping Shovel Knight and Shield Knight from getting back together, carrying along both the wishes and regrets of Shovel Knight and Black Knight alike; she's the constant source of pain and torture of Specter Knight in his campaign, and she is the voice of pride inside King Knight's head pushing him to betray his friends and take the crown.

But in his campaign, Plague Knight is so wreckless and desperate for approval that The Enchantress becomes an obstacle like any other in his path; she's portrayed as just a nuisance, because nothing matters for Plague Knight except himself, hence why he ends up becoming the actual final boss two times.

In Spectre of Torment, she is the Torment, continuously mocking and belittling Spectre Knight until he forces him to give up his freedom at the end of the story.

But in my opinion, her most interesting role is in the one campaign that she was the least necessary: King of Cards.

In that she is a background, mysterious force that serves the purpose of being King Knight's ever inflating ego and anger towards all these fake allies that value him only for his strength and nothing else; so, when she finally reaches the Tower of Fate and The Enchantress proposes to him her deal, he accepts because she is the only person in his life who doesn't treat him as a child, as an idiot, or as a mere tool and instead as the powerful monarch that he always wanted to be, thus leading him to betray his allies and mother that then abandon him.

The Enchantress is the epitome of simple but effective, and that's why I think so highly of her.

Some of the fans find the fact that she is the main antagonist in all of the games annoying, especially since her amulet even has a cameo in the ending of Dig, but I digress.

The Enchantress is truly an amazing villain, and I'm tired of pretending that she's not.

Number 11: Halojack (Deltarune the Metropolis)

ALRIGHT HEAR ME OUT.

From the very start, I said this list was going to be entirely subjective, I'm sure to have made that point very clear; what I don't think I've made quite as clear up to this point, is that the characters I chose to rank higher are the ones who affected me the most, in spite of where they come from.

Halojack is a Deltarune Secret Boss OC made by @huecycles for her Deltarune chapter 3 AU the Metropolis; she is an ex aspiring worker of the TV industry and was given a magic collar by a mysterious individual (eh ehm ☝︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ) that at first, seemed a solution to her problems, but then turned into her own personal hell by..... (look it up on her blog).

The reason why Halojack is here is a particularly personal one, you see.... Halojack is the reason why I started to use Tumblr in the first place. No this is not a joke.

The year was 2022, and I was at the height of my Deltarune hyper fixation phase, craving for content, scavenging anything that I could find on YouTube, when suddenly, thanks to YouTube's insane algorithm, I saw a random post of this weird, yet really cool and interesting Deltarune OC, and I don't know what it was: maybe her nice aesthetic, maybe the animation, maybe what was written in the notes, yet something about her just... clicked with me.

Now curious, I immediately seeked out more informations about this characther on @huecycles Youtube channel.

And that's... when my love began.

Needless to say, I consumed all the Halojack content available on the channel, it was actually insane, the Deltarune hype was so big back then, and Halojack looked so much like a canon Toby Fox character, that I needed to consume MORE.

I just couldn't contain myself, so I downloaded Tumblr, since Huecycles said that they also had a blog here where they posted their stuff, and I NEEDED more of Halojack; and so, that's how I got here today.

I'm not sure how much I can talk freely about Halojack without Hue's consent, this is their character after all, and I'm not sure how much can anyone get invested in her nowadays, as you really needed to be there to get the full experience.

For now, all I'm going to say is, the story and personality that they crafted for the character is so cool and unique; going back to the electric chair joke, I feel like that punishment would be redundant for Halojack, as her life is already a living hell regardless of how much more overstimulation she gets.

Halojack scratches that hinch that I had for complex yet unusual female villains, and I love her for it.

For me, it's going to be very hard when the actual Deltarune Chapter 3 comes out, as Halojack has been ingrained so much in my brain as canon, that I honestly can't see a universe where the actual secret boss of chapter 3 lives up to her hype.

Good job Huecycles, and also Merry Christmas!

Also, here's an analysis of Electro's theme from The Amazing Spider-man 2.

It's the song that I associate the most with Halojack, and I can't help but think of her when I read the subtitles.

Next part>>>>

[tincansamurai]

oh i forgot to cross post this from pillowfort

bweird oc-tober 3: old oc

ok so this one asks who your oldest oc is which is a question i feel is kinda up for interpretation. if it's oldest that i still do anything with, easy, it's matsuo - est. 2009 baybee. (I LOOKED IT UP IT'S 2008 ACTUALLY WOW) if it's oldest just generally... then the first one i can actually remember giving a shit about is ezzelynn. 

she was my first oc made with like real intent. i honestly can't think of an oc before her, though there must have been some. it was 2005/2006 and i was in 7th grade - i joined my first play by post on a warrior cats forum, in a subforum for other pbps. this one was a vampire one my bff in middle school was starting, with a guy our age from across the country. this would turn into a fiction project that took over the next 3-4 years of our lives, until eventually we reached the age where we could see how bad it was and wanted to rewrite it. which of course was impossible lol. so the whole thing fizzled out. me and the guy had a tooooonnn of other little pbp stories, and i still think about ocs from some of those. mat was from one i had with that bff.

lil art evolution timeline for you there. middle school to like sophomore yr hs

anyway ezzelynn is a half vampire with tan skin and purple eyes who is quirky and fun and cute and kind and my guy friend's oc nigel/casimir fell in love with her but she died tragically before they could be anything, even though she had JUST gotten over the trauma of her fiance getting eaten by a big fish (that was so fucking stupid lol i really couldn't come up with a better tragic death than that??) (i think we were both scared of writing actual romance, and also were not into each other and afraid it would seem like we were lol) she used a scythe attached to a chain as a weapon, which is nothing lol. her sister was my bff's oc, and they lived in the woods in hiding bc there are vampire hunters who kill half vampires, nigel/casimir being one of them (despite being a secret half vampire himself!! oooo!!!). shit got crazy from there, i honestly can't remember it. of course we had to save the world from evil vampires as the good vampires, as you do

she's from a fun time in my life where i built the foundation for a lot of the skills i have today so i do look at her fondly, but she is very very very "i'm a lonely 13 yr old girl projecting a character everyone would be friends with and love because she's soooo nice and cool and unique". tbf, we did all love her

[grandwretch]

books i read in january 2025

books started: 29 /books finished: 19

We Burn Daylight by Bret A. Johnston -- Romeo and Juliet but make it about a southern cult. super slow burn, super anxiety inducing. i loved every moment, especially as a benvolio stan, although i still say he suffered more than jesus.

Mo Dao Zu Shi Vol. 1 by MXTX -- explains itself, natch

Blood Jade by Julia Vee and Ken Bebelle -- the sequel to a book i read in december, i ended up loving this one way more. although i still hate her love interest, this western take on cultivation novel is AMAZING. can't wait for the third one

The Forgotten Dead & Rattling Bone Jordan L. Hawk -- cute queer stories about ghost hunting youtubers and a parapsychology professor, but ultimately a shallow representation of both the romance and horror genres

One of Us Knows by Alyssa Cole -- interesting take on the horror genre from the perspective of a DID system. a bit covoluted, but ultimately enjoyable.

Ruthless Vows by Rebecca Ross -- sequel to a book i read last year. ended up not liking this one very much; i prefered the magical realism aspects of the first one. this one leaned far too much into fantasy.

The Beforelife of Eliza Valentine by Laura Pearson -- weird and emotional, but ultimately satisfying. the ghosts of a woman's potential children follow her throughout her life.

Dragon Ball Vol 1. by Akira Toriyama -- listen. i am not immune to nostalgia.

15 Summers Later by RaeAnne Thayne -- not at all the cozy read the cover makes it seem! an interesting look at trauma and how it inspires people into their best... and their worst.

Don't Want You Like a Best Friend by Emma Alban -- i enjoyed this WAY more than i expected to. a lesbian regency romance, it's way more realistic about the time than i expected. the dialogue isn't period accurate, but i don't mind because it doesn't pretend to be. the main characters are very cute.

Murder at the Bookstore by Sue Minix -- pretty bog standard mystery novel; poor man's jessica fletcher. the main character being soooo clumsy was annoying and So 2009 mystery novel vis a vis meg cabot.

Lion's Tail Jordon L. Hawk -- the sequel to a book i read last year. an alternate history in 1920s chicago, an action packed mystery. did not like this one as much as the first, mostly because the main characters pissed me off. i'll still give the third one a go.

Cardcaptor Sakura by CLAMP -- I AM NOT IMMUNE TO NOSTALGIA

Witchcraft for Wayward Girls by Grady Hendrix -- i would have preferred less magic, actually. a book about witchcraft practiced by unwed mothers in a home in 1970 florida, this book straddles the line between magical realism and fantasy without ever really picking a side. is it a metaphor? is it a parable? who's to say really. didn't like it. might stop reading this author

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall -- a trans woman tired of hiding herself uses going MIA in war as a perfect opportunity to transition. when she is reintroduced to her grieving best friend, though, emotions ensue. i loved this. more fictional trans women should top their boyfriends. the ending left me a little lacking, though, which is the only thing that kept this from being one of my all-time favorite books.

One Perfect Couple by Ruth Ware -- what if lord of the flies were about reality tv stars instead of tiny imperialists? not exactly a thinker, i did actually enjoy reading this. sometimes thrillers can be about turning off your brain the same way romances can. this is great for that.

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle -- we all know chuck is king. i would have preferred a little more worldbuilding, but that's my style, not king's. it's a great little horror/adventure that ruminates on faith, family, and the importance of agency.

The Reanimator's Heart by Kara Jorgenson -- autistic necromancer accidentally reanimates his murdered wizardcop crush. they fight crime. despite the dark subject material, both the characters are flawless in a way that leaves me feeling cold. oliver's only flaw is that he's autistic. fillipe is absent from his family dynamic, even though his wife has another partner and a child, but it's only because he LOVES his JOB and DUTY so MUCH. the ending was so boring i decided not to read the second book.

[captaindarkiplier]

reviewing everything starring mads mikkelsen (ongoing)

Mild spoilers warning - I am vague but I do describe endings and progression as negative/positive, so if you don't like knowing what happens at all, beware.

Bleeder (1999)

His character in this is quite endearing. A young movie fanatic, a bit reserved and awkward. The other characters' stories are much more chaotic, so in comparison, watching his perspective feels more safe or peaceful. The ending was a pleasant payoff. Awkward, but sweet in a special way. I guess you could say this movie may have a message about testing your comfort zone in hopes of meeting better people to surround yourself with.

The Door (2009)

The first half of this movie is the better half, and the second half felt a bit absurd or boring for me. I enjoyed that he is a painter, and wish that was revisited more often. I really felt his fall into depression, and I enjoyed the motif of water and repetition of trauma. And then of course, the door is an interesting mechanic. My favorite part of this movie is when he meets himself. Horrific, shocking, amusing, and dramatic. Those were very memorable scenes.

The Hunt (2012)

The scenes involving other characters were hard to sit through, but I felt the discomfort was somewhat justifiably necessary for enforcing realism; it's not meant to be theatric or entertaining. The longer the movie goes on and the more the situation develops, the more it matures like wine, and his' turmoil grips you. All the action he takes are so enthralling. I love the convenience store scene and the church scene (picture above). The conclusion may be beautiful, but the ending is dreadful. I looked up the meaning/interpretation of it, and that rounded my appreciation for this film. It's sociological commentary. Very true message, whether you like it or not: Once trust is betrayed in a community, it can never be completely earned back. There will always be someone who remembers that rumor, and will try to exile you from society. I believe the title only makes sense after the film is over. You could see the rumor as a scar left on him, like a wounded animal, while other people notice it, and like wolves, they will freely decide to exclude him from their pack, leaving him to die alone.

A Royal Affair (2012)

You'll really watch this waiting for his character, and be thankful when he arrives. He ultimately influenced the world and people around him for the better. The development is very interesting, and the pacing feels full. You will suspect specific twists of drama or betrayal to happen, and everything that does happens is very realistic- since it is based on a true story- yet still just as interesting as if it were a fictional thriller. At the scene where the priest fidgets with this cross, I arrived to the same quiet realization soon after he did. The priest is praying for forgiveness in his heart, as well as the cross foreshadowing a crucifixion. I felt heavy even until the credits, though the last scene was fulfilling. I don't know anything about Denmark, but this was a great introduction to the 'most dramatic event' in its history.

Men and Chicken (2015)

This character is very unexpectedly different from his other roles. Regardless of whether the comedy fails my humor, seeing him acting like this is humorous in of itself. I'll write a review after I've finished it.

Doctor Strange (2016)

There's not a mountain of Mads content or his signature charm here, but it's very interesting to see him as a flat antagonist with not much depth at all. His darkness is sickness, like it makes you feel hopeless for him. Dark, as if he has surrendered himself to the drug of black magic. It kind of scared me. Also, the magic distorting and fracturing architecture is beautiful.

Arctic (2018)

This movie amazes me, despite its simplicity. It's pure survival. It's morbidly dreary, but then you see he has it figured out. His system of survival sets you up to believe in him and assume a vicarious spectatorship that is held and tested for a long duration. You're never sure if they'll make it, but you don't want them to give up. There is a lot of energy expended just to survive, which radiates a warmth, a sense of self-fulfilling purpose, with the risk of the cold biting it away into hopelessness and death. I really felt the twists and turns, the decisions and mistakes, all the way through.

Polar (2019)

It's simply satisfying to watch him do what he does, a classic toughguy trope. This is an adaptation of a comic, (which I haven't read) and I enjoy how the style is adapted. The female deuteragonist is precious. It feels as though the movie is split into two sides; a double life, blood versus quiet. Both of the characters can be found in this duality of mental states, trauma and seeking peace for it. They may be similar, yet they are almost polar opposites. I love them. I really enjoyed the twist, a bomb drop after all that painstaking effort to survive, and the conclusion tempts me to know what happens next in the comics (if there is more, that is...).

Death Stranding (2019)

It's been a while since I've sat down and watched through a playthrough, but with that being said, I love this game... because I treat it like a movie. I will say, I like stories that play with mortality and perception. It was very interesting to meet Cliff as a father figure in claustrophobic recordings, and then meet him again as an antagonist with immaculate symbolism and aesthetics. He is trapped in the battlefield, like a dead soldier, and/or a traumatized man. Stasis, incompleteness, and sacrifice would appear to be themes. I really love the nonlinear storytelling. I really enjoyed the twist/reveal. It probably gave me goosebumps when I first saw it.

Another Round (2020)

This is probably one of my favorites. I appreciate a story that serves a thesis to life. I can't say much of my thoughts because I literally just watched it, but I think it executed the idea well. There's a lot of moments of amazing payoff, but you know how much of it may become bad, yet the dread of knowledge doesn't nullify any of what you experience along the way. It also feels rare to see other characters surrounding his character to have such a bond and impact to him. The ending felt so out of key in the perfect way. It's a profound (philosophical) party movie.

Hannibal (2013-2015)

A few years ago, I had watched the first two seasons, and had basically zoned out halfway through S3, then stopped... for some reason that I've now forgotten, after experiencing the finale. It's stuck with me and may for some time. 3rd season is proper good, and gave clarity to the character of Hannibal, and conclusion to Will's relationship with him. It's as though on your first watch you are as blinded as Will, despite knowing as a viewer that Hannibal Lecter is obviously (or very likely) the 'Chesapeake Ripper' in the show. The veil is lifted from his eyes once, but there are still layers yet to peek through, the nebulosity of darkness shrouding the relationship, (for Hannibal intrinsically has a 'dark' mind; seemingly insane by all humane reason) and yet onward do they get to know each other... like any other relationship. Rewatching is very enjoyable, because you can now assume Hannibal's perspective after learning his patterns and values, stripping away the mystery and watching the characters trying to arrive to where you are in understanding. Plenty moments where all Mads gives is a seemingly empty glance, but after obtaining objective knowledge, there is infinite texture to it. Very humanizing, Hannibal almost becoming a bit more alike Mads' other roles, (that of which being protagonists) yet still an antagonist.

[scifihobbit]

Yuletide Letter 2023

I’ve been participating in Yuletide incredibly sporadically since 2009. I love it here! It's such a fun look at what we as fandom care about and such an incredible labor of love from everyone involved.

I'm scifihobbit over on AO3 as well. I am very open to treats. Thanks for reading my letter! (I didn't get this posted in time to include it with my sign-up, but maybe you found it anyway.) We all know the mantra, optional details are entirely optional, so, if you even see this letter, don't feel beholden to it, just use it as a jumping off point if you're so inclined.

I enjoy yuletide for so many different reasons. The gift work isn't the end-all be-all of it. (It's about the friends we made along the way!) So, if you're feeling anxious, know that I'm going to have a great time no matter what, so, have fun with it!

Things I'm a sucker for in general

Character studies

World-building

“There was only one bed”

Found families

Angst with a happy ending

Hurt/Comfort

Broken characters finding ways to heal each other in general

Using smarm to hide wildly low self-esteem

Extremely close, to the point of being unhealthily codependent, friendships

Playing with genre conventions. (i.e. Something that couldn’t be easily shelved in a bookstore that insists on having a literary fiction section and a sci-fi/fantasy section and a thriller section etc.)

Canon compliance. (This is not to say that I wouldn't enjoy a story that takes canon in an unexpected or unusual direction. Like I said, throw genre conventions out the window, but I would love the story to have emanated from somewhere in canon.)

Queers and queerness and queering

DNWs:

PWP (I'm not particularly prudish, I just like me some plot, or meandering conversation.)

AUs

1st person narration

2nd person narration

Major character death (that isn’t canonical)

mpreg (well.... Lower Decks pulled it off, but, in general.)

A/B/O

Non-canon unrequested romantic relationships

Rape/non-con

Fandom: Star Trek: Lower Decks (Cartoon) Characters: (any combination) Kayshon Samanthan Rutherford Shaxs Dr. T'ana

Request: It is hard to explain how much I adore this show. I was raised on Star Trek and this show never disappoints. Every episode leaves me with a smile plastered on my face basically the entire time. I love the entire crew (and especially the main 4), so I've just requested a FEW of my favorites, but feel free to write about anyone on the Cerritos and mix and match! A few prompts/ideas for my requested characters below. (But really, all of these prompts/ideas could apply to just about any of the crew. I just want to know more about them!)

Kayshon: I am still not over the concept of Kayshon! I love him as an addition to the crew so much. The Universal Translator is a constant source of fascination for me, so of course I love the Tamarians and their whole deal. Anything you want to do to explore that would be amazing. I'm also curious about how Kayshon navigates life on the ship and in Starfleet in general. (I love the little moment where Ransom uses a Tamarian phrase and Kayshon is touched.) What does he miss about Tamarian culture? What is he surprised and delighted by on the Cerritos? How does he spend his free time?

Rutherford: My perfect cinnamon roll of an engineer dealing with more trauma than any everyman ever should! I love his energy and optimism and eagerness, and am of course fascinated by his backstory. (If you want to explore that more you should absolutely feel free! But, also, it is a giant can of worms and if you would prefer not to touch it, completely understandable.) Despite what we've learned about Billups, I won't ever be able to stop shipping Rutherford with him at least a little bit, so, if you want to explore that, be my guest. (At the very least Rutherford has a competency crush on Billups and it is adorable.) Whatever engineering adventures you want to send him on I am thrilled to follow. Whatever downtime activities you want to drop him in I'm delighted to read.

Shaxs: I love Shaxs as grumpy mentor to all the floundering ensigns. I love his one-up-manship with Kira. I'm curious to know about his time in the resistance and what brought him to Starfleet. I'd love to see him interacting with other members of the crew (lower deckers or not.) His speech to Boimler about how security's there to protect the crew's emotional well-being too was so wonderful and I'd be delighted to see more of those "missions."

T'Ana: I love a grumpy doctor! (Bones is my fav. I'll be a Pulaski defender for life.) I want to know everything about T'Ana's backstory and what she gets up to in her off hours. What was her time at the academy like? So Caitians used to hunt Betazoids?? Does she indulge in some "most dangerous game" time in the holodeck? Who are her heroes in Starfleet? Who inspired her to be where she is? (Even if she'd never admit it.) What are her friendships with the rest of the crew like? Just give me T'ana content!

More Feelings: I asked for Lower Decks last year, too. So you can check out my 2022 Yuletide letter if you want even more of my giddy delight. Also, my Star Trek and LWD tags are overflowing on this blog.

In general, Vulcans are not my jam. And I find Jennifer kind of irritating... I'm usually annoyed by the mirror universe and section 31, but if there's any place they could be properly skewered, it's in Lower Decks. My Star Trek knowledge runs deep, but I'll admit I gave up on Discovery around the beginning of season 4, didn't finish Prodigy, and have never seen The Animated Series.

Also, since Star Trek essentially invented the AU, there is certainly some wiggle room here around my AU DNW.

Fandom: Severance (TV) Characters: Irving Bailiff Burt Goodman

Request: Irving and Burt ran away with my entire heart and I want so much more about them. This was one of those rare delightful times where I started shipping something not believing the show was going to go there, and then it did!

I would be happy to read about some of their innie's stolen moments. It would be interesting to know more about their life on the outside. (How did Irving take up painting? What kind of solace does he find in it? Why did either of them decide to go through with being "severed"?)

More Feelings: This show is just so good. I love all its weird mysteries (the goats? the green house?) Its aesthetic. The found family of the MDR division. This is another show where I'm incredibly fond of all the characters, so if you want to bring in more of them, please, feel free! I would love to see Irving talking to someone else in MDR about his relationship with/burgeoning feelings for Burt. Feel free to go wild hypothesizing what might have happened after the terrible-awful-no-good-very-bad cliffhanger of season one, or set things firmly within season one.

Fandom: Oppenheimer (Movie 2023) Characters: Leslie Groves J Robert Oppenheimer

Request: Leslie's fascination with Oppenheimer was so interesting to me. I did not expect to come away from this movie with warm feelings about the military general played by Matt Damon, but man, did I.

Anything you want to write exploring their relationship (platonic or romantic) I'd love to read. They're just such an extreme set of opposites that their begrudging admiration of each other is so interesting. Their dynamic is endlessly compelling. I love how intrigued Leslie is by Oppenheimer. I find Leslie's pragmatism vs. Oppenheimer's naivete fascinating.

What was day-to-day life for them like at Los Alamos? Did they ever run into each other years later? (I'm going to be honest, I know next-to-nothing about the actual history around these people, so feel free to play it fast and loose. But also, if you're the sort of writer who likes to get lost in the nitty-gritty, don't let me stop you!)

(Do I think they had "the world might end" sex before the first test? Yes. Yes I do.)

More Feelings: Are you detecting the theme of incredibly driven, rather geeky people being drawn to each other despite/because of their differences in these requests? (I might have just noticed it myself...) I've had a soft spot for Cillian Murphy for a long time now and he was stunning in this movie. Everyone was. It was incredibly well acted and I just feel like the scenes between Groves and Oppenheimer crackled. (Well, most of the movie did.) Again, thanks for reading this letter! Have so much fun! Happy Yuletide!

[bugs1nmybrain]

Chapter 1: The Beginning Stages

Summary: covering topics about my first fictional crushes as a young child (between 2 to 6 years old, or 2005 to 2009 respectively). Also topics about bisexuality and my gender queer identity.

Posted: February 1st, 2025

word count: 2880

This is the more reader appropriate version of this chapter, free from any intense mentions of csa or triggering content. I am not listing the original version to respect those with trauma histories and are triggered by that content. You'll need to seek it out on my masterlist to do so.

From my earliest memories, I remember “them” being around. It’s very normal to have imaginary friends as children, but you can’t say the same for later childhood, teen years, especially not adulthood. However, imaginary friends is where my romantic interest in fictional characters began. Character obsessions that come to mind from my early toddlerhood to maybe the age of 6 include: Elmo, Woody from Toy Story, Dora, Barnie, Barbie, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Jack Skellington, Victor and Emily from Corpse Bride, and likely many others my brain can’t remember given how young I was. I want to note that some of these characters were necessarily romantic interests, I was sort of too young to know about that, though there were still some characters I felt an affectionate type of “love” for as a young kid. 

The way my attraction to characters work has a double effect. A part of it is a genuine interest, a hobby-ish, and something I enjoy collecting stuff of and want to watch over and over and see as much content as possible. So your typical nerd obsession.

The other side is a soothing aspect that eventually became romantic as time went on. I used the fictional characters I was interested in as imaginary friends since I knew how to do so, which from my memories starts around age 2 or 3. As an imaginary friend, I can remember Ariel the strongest accompanying me, but I also liked Peter Pan and Barnie from my memory. 

I was born to a single mother who was 16 when I was born. My mother also struggled with substance use in my childhood and was battling with her own traumas. This isn’t used to exactly weaponize my mother, but the way I was raised is important in the topic of fictormanticism for me, specifically. I spent most of my childhood by myself or surrounded by children I struggled to get along with, so I didn’t have many friends.

From early childhood I was always friendly in nature. I like to joke around and be silly. I was always extremely imaginative, creative, and I had a lot of dreams. When I was alone with my mother and her romantic partners, I often hid in my room and watched tv and played with my toys, making stories as I did it. That’s a very normal child thing, but because I was alone so often, the characters did become my first “friends,” and my introduction into how I understood the social world as a kid. 

My mother fought with her boyfriends a lot and it's safe to say I had a stereotypical "rough" childhood. That’s not to say there was nothing good about my childhood. The characters are definitely a good thing, and I had fun a lot with random kids that were nice to me along the way and when I had the chance to do once in a lifetime things, such as going to DISNEY WORLD in 2009!!!

As a child, even though the adults praised me, I didn't necessarily feel loved. The characters sort of acted as heroes. When the bad wasn’t happening, I had them. Watching the same movie over and over, or drawing them all the time, and then pretending that they were there to talk to me, comfort me, and be my protector. Even when things were hard to cope with, they were supportive and reminded me that somehow there was always some force that was watching my back. Sort of religious, right? 

I’ve covered some sad discussions, but I want to change courses and do a log of the characters I remember from this time and how they impacted my life! Positive and even not so much. These might also be more vague descriptions because of how hazy some memories are:

Elmo, Woody from Toy Story, Barnie, and Dora the Explorer:

Characters like Elmo, Woody, Dora, and Barnie were more of what I consider a “friend/pet adjacent” kind of fictional other where there wasn’t much romantic attraction, with a slight acception for Woody (I know there’s others who know this vision, please don’t judge my two-to-three year old brain.) I usually had a lot of merchandise of these characters but they weren’t special beyond that.

Elmo is of my first memories because Sesame Street is popular with toddlers, of course. A pretty basic childhood character interest, but I remember collecting a lot of his toys and finding him adorable. I also dressed up as Elmo for Halloween when I was 2 years old. 

I remember having a Woody doll that I got from the old Disney store that used to be in the mall in Portland. I carried this thing around with me everywhere and I’d stick his nose in a lot of food XD. I also do recall having a tiny crush on him, or even a kinship of sorts, but I think even in my child mind I knew that him being a toy was too much of a stretch for me (I ended up breaking this logic many times, though). I also remember owning Toy Story 2 but not the first one for some reason, so I saw the second one more often.  I also remember liking Jessie quite a lot, as well. 

I loved Dora the Explorer! I’ve been a lifelong elementary Spanish learner, lol, and so Dora was the beginning of that. I remember impressing adults because I remembered a lot of Spanish from Dora and I lived in super white Maine. Dora wasn’t really a crush at all, but I pretended to be friends with her and I had a lot of Dora merchandise. I would get into how female characters influenced my bisexuality, but I think the next contenders are more important to mention for this. I also remember really wanting to watch Go! Diego Go! And have more merchandise from that franchise but I was told I couldn’t because we didn’t have cable and it was a “boys” interest.

Barnie was mostly an obsession because I watched a lot of the show. Cue the cursed Barnie jokes. I also remember there being a specific Barnie tv special, where the doll at the beginning was very creepy to me for some reason, and I was deathly terrified of the damn dvd. 

These characters were important for me to bring up because while they weren’t romantic in nature, they helped me care about specific characters and use them as friends even if they weren’t the primary providers in this journey.

Ariel<3

To explain the impact The Little Mermaid has had on my brain development is very complex. I grew up singing a lot with my mother, and Disney was the hot spot for fun songs to practice, pretty girls to admire, and beautiful art to look at. I liked most of the Disney princesses, but Ariel was my girl. Even from a young age I thought she was beautiful and a part of me even wanted to mimic her form of femininity, as patriarchal as it certainly was. It was more than admiration, though, because I remember garnering strong feelings of love for her. I believe my Ariel fixation started when I was as young as 2 years old and continued until some childhood (maybe 7 or so).

As a child between 2 to 6 years old, I had no idea that being a lesbian or bisexual was a thing or an option. I knew I loved her, though. I’d imagine scenarios of us holding hands, spending time talking and having fun, going on "play dates" and such. She’s the first character I can remember being “in love” with. I think some family members even knew, but my mother and some others were in denial about my attraction to Ariel and women in general, at the time.

It was hard for me to keep how much I loved her a secret, but I played it off like she was just a girl I admired. A “sisterly” bond to those too ignorant to understand. It wasn’t so bad, though, because having a Disney Princess interest was considered normal for little girls and so I could have as much merchandise as I pleased, dress up as her, and draw her. It was a good thing those around me were oblivious, honestly.

Barbie, Jack Skellington

Barbie was similar! The recent Barbie movie was so special to me actually, because I resonated with the movie's message about how this popular character influenced young girls perception of femininity and there place in the world. I’m a thin white woman and was small framed in childhood, so I’ll start on record that Barbie was easy for me to relate to and feel empowered from. But as a girl in society, in general, the idea of Barbie made me feel like I could do anything, though I know the reality of this now. 

Barbie wasn’t as much of a romantic interest, but definitely a character I admired! I watched Barbie the Nutcracker, Fairytopia, Rapunzel, and Mermaidia over and over. I had a lot of second hand Barbies, some new ones, and watched a lot of the movies as they’d release in the 2000s-very early 2010s. I figured she was worth a mention. 

Jack Skellington is important! Not exactly a character I pretended to have relationship with, but I definitely held a kinship to Jack Skellington and The Nightmare Before Christmas paved a special interest for me regarding Tim Burton movies, which is relevant for the next mention (before the “Live, Laugh, Love of Halloween” started and I found out Tim Burton is racist). I watched this movie NIGHTLY in the middle of summer in Florida. 

Kinship is a term I’ll bring up often, so I’ll define it as "the feeling that a fictional character is similar to you, or that you aspire to be more similar to them because of how much you admire them."

Victor and Emily

I wanted to mention these two, because after Nightmare (my shortened jargon for The Nightmare Before Christmas) became my fixation at five-to-six years old, I started being introduced to other Tim Burton movies by my legal father who also liked eerie and creepy media. When I watched Corpse Bride, I fell in love with its darkly inclined aesthetics and I also really liked the two main protagonists a lot. Sometimes I'd pretend as if I was the characters, both of them but more often Emily because I was a “girl,” practicing wedding vows.

Even though this movie was riddled with patriarchal ideals about marriage, I found both characters endearing and attractive, but I was plagued by the fact that Emily is uh. A dead girl, and I knew at heart I was definitely not a necrophiliac, and dealing with bisexuality was already making me feel ashamed of myself, but I liked her personality and what her character represented. A lot of the women I’ve been attracted to have been the “bleeding heart” types with a similar physical appearance.

Victor was interesting because, spoilers, between the ages of 13 and 16 I identified as trans-masc. So when I was young, Victor was attractive, yes, but during these make believe games I’d play I’d feel a sense of gender euphoria from pretending to be a boy. Victor’s gender expression and version of masculinity (*cough cough*emo boy*cough cough*) resonated with me and would influence my gender development later. I think pretending to be him was also an excuse for me to pretend to be with Emily so that I wasn’t “technically” liking a woman, because it was still heterosexual- coded.

So I suppose I should mention that there’s a difference between a fictional other that’s a genuine lover and one that’s more of a hyperfixation of sorts and used in friendship contexts. For me, I also have a subcategory of characters I had a slight romantic interest in, but the “relationship” wasn’t long or impactful enough to be considered to count amongst the particular “canon” of my romantic history.  In a lot of fictoromantic communities, we consider this having “romantic” and “platonic” fictional other’s (also abbreviated to “f/o”). I will highlight the “lovers” with light pink, always, just so there’s no confusion about who is more important to pay attention to than others.

Concluding thoughts: 

I thank anyone who has stuck through this chapter and wishes to continue reading, because I promise this will get a lot more interesting. The early fictional others aren’t as juicy as more recent ones, but I consider Ariel and the Tim Burton characters in particular important to remember when reading this book because, just like real life, the people we love throughout our lives even from our earliest days shape who we are. I’m challenging readers to imagine these characters as real people in my perspective. Even from a young childhood I was incredibly observant about my favorite characters' personalities because they were sort of similar to me, while also being their own special person. I knew how these characters would talk to me because I would try to figure out everything about them, from mannerisms, their past, their likes and dislikes, and mind you these were my goals as a little kid. As I grew older this inept need to empathize with fictional characters became more impactful because the character’s experiences also became more nuanced and mature. Many of these early characters are from children’s cartoons and children were the target audience, while my more modern fictional partners are from animes with questionable content that are more appropriate for teens and older.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this story! I hope it's an educating and enlightening read.

[malkaleh]

Top 5 fics meme

Tagged by my saati @shes-a-voodoo-child which reminded me how good her Lix/Randall in Spain fic is, among others. These are in no particular order except the first. 

1. Such a time as this (The Tudors, Anne Boleyn) this is my favourite thing i’ve ever written. It’s Anne Boleyn as Esther, as a biracial Persian (and Syrian) Jewish woman - inspired by the fact that she had her chaplain preach a sermon about Esther and thinking about anti-semitism, about the way Christianity uses the Esther story. I wrote it despite my terror of getting my own identity and faith wrong - it’s about identity, about being safe nowhere and yet the joy of being Jewish even so. About being a biracial Persian (Syrian) Jewish woman myself, about the power of stories/storytelling and community.  

2. With snow far below (Band of Brothers, Roe/Renee) this fic is from 2009 (it could actually be earlier but it was posted on AO3 in 2009) which means that I remember precisely zero about writing it because uh Trauma Bullshit but this one still sticks with me - Renee is entirely fictional as far as I know but it was very ‘writing about a female character’ feels, especially because one of my history areas of interest is WWI/II and women. I wanted to give her an interiority and a story and I think it really did work. 

3. Monuments, historical and contemporary (Criminal Minds/Pundits, ensemble) this is also from 2009. It’s heroism, how we remember, how we don’t, collective trauma and the ways in which all the ways we do good, do kindness do matter. This one really just wrote itself in a giant flood from the first opening image - it’s set in a friends specific AU verse as well. Also it has what I still think is a very good bit about writers and how they use writing to deal with things. 

4. I am a princess on the way to my throne (Skyfall, Moneypenny/Severine) this one. Because in all honesty so much of Severine’s story was one that I found in mine, because I wanted something different for her ending - much as I loved the movie. I wrote this one entirely for my own joy. 

5. Normality in a post it note cord (Spooks/MI5, Zaf/Adam) this could actually be my very first Yuletide fic (though there could have been an earlier one…) or as I like to call it ‘Adam Carter Is A Fucking Traumatised Mess Send Help. No Seriously, Someone Please Send Help’ and Zaf who is trying to hold it together and kind of is, actually. It’s about identity again as well - the kinds of ways they as spies have one but don’t and the varying degrees of ways that works or doesn’t. 

Tagging (if you want to): @quillington @allegoriesinmediasres @nocompromise-noregrets @captainlordauditor @kawuli @ruffboijuliaburnsides @jackironsides @notabuddhist

[ectonurites]

can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998. 

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him. 

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin. 

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...) 

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time. 

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right. 

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

[inevitably-johnlocked]

can we adress how toxic some of these self/harm and suicide fics are?? as someone who has struggled with these issues, treating them as just a way for the two characters to get together, or one character to be the savior who cures someone of their problems? I'm so frickin over it. continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention is a symptom of something major. This is not something i like seeing romanticized. at all.

[CONTENT WARNING FOR ENTIRE POST: heavy discussions of trauma, suicide, self harm, depression, political issue mentions, and eating disorders. Please proceed with care. I am not cutting the post because I think the message is important, so scroll past until my icon disappears <3 Stay safe, My Lovelies.]

Hey Nonny

Okay, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you mention you DO have struggles with these issues, so I’m going to state right up front here and say I AM NOT DISREGARDING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AT ALL. Your view of this topic is valid, and it’s not something I am ever going to say is wrong for you. 

I would like to offer an olive branch, here, Nonny, and give you an alternative take on this, because I’m concerned that perhaps you are still coping with your own struggles and in return, you unwittingly and unintentionally are coming off as unsympathetic to other people’s coping mechanisms.

I KNOW how hard it is to see another view when yours is the only one that seems right, especially after a tragedy or after dealing with heavy things. But all I am asking is for you to temporarily extend some empathy as I discuss my thoughts in this post, and I apologize in advance if I come off as dickish, because, again, it’s hard to see past your own feelings, and I tend to give a “firm but understanding” approach to asks like this. It’s NOT meant to call you our personally. Just asking for an open mind.

I will tackle this ask in a similar fashion to this post here, which talks about shipping vs fetishization so CW for that, as well as like this post here, where we discuss pet peeves. My assumption here is that Nonny is unsure about what “romanticizing” actually entails, and how much this ask is basically Gatekeeping Fiction 101, a thing that’s been going on since the beginning of storytelling. The ask is perceived by me to be emotionally unaware of how unsympathetic it actually sounds, and in turn can unintentionally upset people who engage in these stories.

First thing’s first, Nonny, and I said it before, I GET IT. I understand what you’re going for here, why you feel it’s toxic, and why you think it shouldn’t exist. Here’s the thing, though: what you’re ACTUALLY calling for here is censorship and gatekeeping because YOU PERSONALLY take issue with something, want the fandom specially curated just for you, because it PERSONALLY OFFENDS YOU. And that, it itself, is what’s really toxic, here. Just because YOU are offended, does not mean that it’s not helpful to SOMEONE ELSE, and it’s selfish to make such a demand of people.

Let me explain.

As I mention in the link above re: shipping, many people read and write fics to cope with the reality of their own experiences. Nonny, your experience is NOT the same as someone else’s. Your pain is NOT universal, and you DON’T KNOW what that author has been through; for all you know, they spent 6 months in-hospital after attempting suicide, and they are now simply processing their trauma through storytelling. 

Or, “continuing to put your partner in limbo by threatening this behavior when they don't give you enough attention” ? It’s a VERY REAL THING that ACTUALLY happens in real life, and perhaps it happened to that author, or they want to write an alternate ending to their pain.

Or, “one character to be the saviour who cures someone of their problems?” is something a suicide survivor WISHES someone did for them. Because they feel alone in the world and don’t want to be alone anymore.

These stories are simply escapism for people, either to learn about or share what these mental illnesses do to people, or are the “fantasies” of survivors, of their ideal outcome to their own tragedies. Coping with guilt over the loss of someone they feel they could have saved. The brutal truth about realty.

And sometimes, it is because some people need a good cry and a feel-good happy ending, because real life? Well, it rarely has those happy endings and so few opportunities to let us cry, and sometimes life is just easier when we view it through the eyes of fictional characters. Do you not want someone to save you sometimes Nonny? And I mean metaphorically here, too. Someone to just take all of your hellish burdens off those shoulders for one day. Someone who will come in to save you from yourself. I know I do.

And, well, sometimes, Nonny, it makes people feel less alone in this socially distanced world.

They’re not glorifying that issue Nonny. They’re telling their story.

Here are some thoughts:

Romanticization: Some trendy teen outlet selling a shirt with “mentally diseased” written across it.

NOT Romanticization: A character in a story coming to terms with a diagnosis of mental illness and learning ways to adapt. Their partner is involved 100% and they learn together.

Romanticization: Sherlock merchandise being sold with “I’m a high functioning sociopath” (not mention ableist as all heck)

NOT Romanticization: A character self-harms because of depression, and character B helps the character through their pain and together they get proper therapy and treatment.

Romanticization: Calling yourself “OMG I’m so bipolar!” because it’s trendy.

NOT Romanticization: A clinically depressed author, who survived a suicide attempt, wanting to tell their story through characters the world is already familiar with, and one that a touchy subject can be expressed and understood by other people, because they’re not ready to write the “real” book. Fandom is a safety net for them.

See what I mean Nonny? We don’t KNOW what kind of pain these authors have PERSONALLY been through, and to censor them from having their voices heard and their stories told is just not on for me.

And let me be clear: YES OF COURSE romanticization happens EVERYWHERE. I am not denying that. But your ask is coming off like EVERY STORY EVER WRITTEN is glorification of something. By your logic:

Disabled people shouldn’t write about their disabilities because they’re romanticising themselves.

The authors with medical degrees shouldn’t write realistic med-fics because some where in the world, ONE person MAY HAVE had a similar experience as Character A and B.

Someone broke their foot in ballet so they shouldn’t write a story about a ballet dancer who broke their hip because it may offend ONE ballerina SOMEWHERE in space and time who got sideline at the prime of their career? 

Stories about LGBT+ people shouldn’t be written because homophobes think it’s icky.

We shouldn’t write about wizards because it offends high school catholic pastors (an actual thing that happened)? 

How about cancer stories because kids die of cancer all the time? 

Non-fiction autobiographies about holocaust survivors is not okay.

Science books offend flat earthers, so we shouldn’t write those.

Books about the Big Bang and a 4.5 billion-year-old earth offends creationists, so burn those.

A now-adult child rape victim writing their survival stories to help get their often-in-power abusers behind bars are taboo.

True crime stories from detectives on those cases shouldn’t be told because they weren’t the victim.

Non-fiction in general because someone somewhere may have had that one singular thing happen to them.

How about coping with grief over a parent’s sudden death because I personally might find offense in that since that was a horridly traumatic experience in my life?

Do you see how progressively out of touch this argument is? (the answer to all of these: authors should be allowed to write them, because stories make us human). Your argument leads down the very dangerous path to censorship of books, the internet, and history... to have people only read and learn what someone else dictates, leading to... well.

I’m not trying to be a dick here, Nonny, I’m really not. But I think you’re really missing the entire point of fiction and story telling. I feel you’re failing in the empathy game here, and failing to understand what romanticizing really actually is. 

Whenever I get asks like this, I always feel like the Nonnies don’t really know much about pre-Ao3. I come from “early internet” fandom age, and I’m talking before tags existed. Back when I had to go buy a book at Coles and guess what was in it based on a cover description. No “amazon reviews��. No “harmful content warning” stickers. You just picked up that book, and sometimes you get a sweet story about a friends exploring an alien landscape, and other times WHOOOPS ACCIDENTAL ALIEN SEX I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR. And sometimes, it ended with a dark story about death, and the reality of coping with it.

Twenty years ago, books on the shelves at bookstores and libraries were the only place you could do your reading and they certainly do NOT have tags on them... Modern tagging of stories are a REALLY recent thing introduced probably no less than 15 years ago and was perfected by Ao3 (which was started in 2009). 

These days, there is no excuse if you only consume fanfiction on Ao3. Fics are tagged with proper possible-trigger tags 90% of the time. They have a VERY METICULOUS filtering system. You aren’t being forced to read the fics, you don’t have to read the fics, so use those tag filters, they exist for a reason.

So, with that in mind, I genuinely DON’T GET this attitude about people wanting everything sugar coated and saccharine by default. Especially when you can LITERALLY CURATE YOUR OWN CONTENT. Life isn’t sugar coated. And fiction shouldn’t have to be either. People tag fics with triggers for a reason.

As they used to say back in my early internet days: Don’t like it? Don’t read it. Don’t comment, skip, next story.

And to put this ALL into perspective, so that you don’t think I’m talking out of my ass, I’m going to reveal something here: Do you know what fics I can’t read, Nonny, because they trigger me? Eating disorders. That’s self harm, Nonny, in a very different way. But you know what? I know that those fics DO help other ED people so I’m not going to sit her and tell people NOT to rec or write them. And some of those authors who write those stories are processing their own ED through those stories, healing in their own way. And you know what I do when I see one of those fics? I don’t read them, move on, next story.

I’m sorry if you perceive this as me being harsh with you here, Nonny, and you DON’T have to agree with me and you can block me and never talk to me again, and I’ll understand. As I stated at the beginning, I’m offering an alternative perspective, and helping you to see that some people take comfort in these types of stories.

I think what this all boils down to Nonny, after all of this, and rereading your question a final time to see if I missed covering anything, is that (and feel free to shit on me if I am wrong here) I’m getting the impression – as an unprofessional outsider looking in – that you’re still struggling with your inner demons, whether you realize it or not. The tone and brashness of your ask has me believing this... It feels like it was written after a trigger-moment and you needed to vent AT someone because you are alone, and that hurts my heart so much. I truly hope you find peace in your mind, soon, and I hope you have someone to talk to professionally, or at least a friend. (tw under link, suicidal ideation discussion and links to phone numbers that can help you). I only wish the best for you, my Nonny.

Anyway. I welcome other people to chime in here, respectfully, and let me know if I have the wrong take here. Because I genuinely don’t think I do, but I am not a professional, so my entire thing that took me 3 hours to write here is probably moot. I’m especially interested (on anon in my asks if you’re not comfy with revealing yourselves) on thoughts from other people who have survived the original topics here, as well as any therapists and authors as well.

Take care of yourself Nonny. And please curate your own content for your mental health. Ao3 has an “exclusionary tag system” as well, please use it. *hugs*

[liquidstar]

I'd love to hear some of your recommendations! And I'm good without any content warnings, but since you're posting this for all your followers to see probably best to add them

Alright sure! I’ll be general then and since you’re just starting out this will sort of be bringing up a lot of really popular ones, the really good ones where the general consensus is “you gotta see this!”, but I’ll also try to give ones from different genres so you have a variety of things to pick from, so this isn’t really a list of personal favorites but I’ll throw in a couple of those too lol, but generally think of this as a handy beginners guide with just a little personal bias.

I wrote a lot so I'm gonna put them under the cut here.

Fullmetal Alchemist

Fullmetal Alchemist is a franchise that’s considered a must-watch, it takes place in a world where alchemy is a borderline magical power, but is considered scientific in-universe and follows scientific laws, namely the law of equivalent exchange. Something can’t be made from nothing, to gain something of equal value must be lost. The story follows the story of two brothers, Edward and Alphonse Elric, who at the ages of 10 and 11 committed alchemy’s one and only unforgivable sin, human transmutation, in an attempt to bring their mother back to life. As a result, one brother lost his arm and leg and the other lost his entire body, leaving his soul bound to a suit of armor. However the brothers are resolute to regain their original bodies, and the older brother, Edward, joins the State Alchemists, a branch of the military, to try to gain access to research materials to help them achieve their goal. But was that really such a good idea?

Fullmetal Alchemist can be a bit confusing to get into due to the fact that there are two series: Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (2009). The latter is a reboot with a different story that follows the original manga. They both have the same beginning, but diverge paths and tell very different stories. My recommendation for how to watch this show is: Watch 2003 first, and Brotherhood second. Everyone has a different opinion about which is better, but everyone agrees that 2003 has better backstory but a contrived ending, and Brotherhood has a rushed beginning (Because it works off the assumption that you’ve seen 2003) with a great and fulfilling ending. If you can’t do both I say just watch Brotherhood because it will leave you more satisfied and you don’t have to watch 03 to get into it.

For both series the biggest trigger warnings are: Parental death, child death, pet death, war, genocide, dismemberment, religious themes, and miscarriage. For brotherhood specifically: on-screen suicide, and for 2003 specifically: rape (not on-screen) and pregnancy from it. The 2003 series is also a lot darker than Brotherhood which has a more optimistic tone, so that’s worth noting too.

Soul Eater

A show I think is incredibly fun, and a good one for an October watch if you wanna save it. It takes place in a world where certain people have the ability to transform into weapons, and they team up with other people who become their meisters. The characters often travel around, but the main setting is Death City, a fictional city in Nevada based off of Las Vegas but with a huge Halloweentown vibe, and a school right at the top of it called the Death Weapon Meister Academy (DWMA) where a bunch of kids that turn into weapons learn how to hunt down witches and kishins (Beings that consume human souls). The school, of course, is run by the grim reaper, Lord Death himself.

Our main characters for the series are a group of 7 students. Our protagonist Maka Albarn and her weapon partner Soul “Eater” Evans, a scythe. A loud mouth assassin named Black✰Star and his weapon partner Tsubaki, who has many weapon forms. And the son of the grim reaper, Death The Kid, and his two weapon partners Liz and Patty Thompson, who are twin pistols. There are also a bunch of really lively colorful background characters and antagonists, and the cast of the show being as insane as it is really makes it, on top of the great atmosphere and of course the plot, which just builds more and more as the series progresses. Also Crona is there and we all love Crona.

Trigger warnings for this show include: Child abuse (Mental and physical), manipulation, snakes and spiders (The motifs of two major villains), some very surreal moments that can verge on unreality. Also, in the dub and most subs: misgendering of a canonically trans character. Crona is a character who is non-binary, but the dub and subs use gendered pronouns for them due to general ignorance about neutral pronouns in 2008, though this isn’t the fault of the original series and falls on the translators hands.

Also it’s important to note: that the first 3 episodes are prologues and they take themselves less seriously, there’s more fanservice in them than there is in the rest of the series (Except for Blair she stays the fanservice character :pensive:)

Zombieland Saga

Idol anime is really prevalent as a genre, the most popular being Love Live, but my personal favorite is Zombieland Saga. It’s an idol anime, but it’s also a comedy about zombie girls who become idols. It sounds ridiculous but there’s an insane amount of heart in it regardless, it wasn’t a show I expected to get emotional at but I did! It also made me laugh a lot too. The series itself can serve as a bit of a subversion on what idols are, not just because they’re literally zombies, but because of who the characters are.

Sakura Minamoto is a character who starts off as a more typical idol, a peppy pure girl, as the series continues her struggle with depression gets highlighted. Saki Nikaido serves as her initial foil, a delinquent girl with a criminal record who subvers the idea of pure perfect idols. Ai Mizuno, a former idol who has since undergone severe trauma (The way she died). Junko Konno who has ideals that seem very different on what idols “should” be due to the time period she died. Lily Hoshikawa, an explicitly transgender idol. Yugiri nolastname, a former high ranking courtesan, subvering the pure image of an idol by being a sex worker. And Tae Yamada, a completely nonverbal idol who’s still treated with the same amount of importance as the rest of the team. The premise here really is just that these girls don’t fit the incredibly rigid mold of what idols should be and yet they still all deserve love and they gain a fanbase by being their earnest selves.

Trigger warnings for this series aren’t incredibly severe but since they’re zombies there’s still talks about death and they way they died (Including motorcycle/car accidents, plane crashes, getting struck by lightning, and a heart attack), there’s also comedic dismemberment, as in their arms just sort of pop on and off and stuff like that. The most notable thing is the deadnaming of Lily, the trans idol, by her father, but it doesn’t appear to be malicious in any way.

Note: this series is in the middle of it’s second season right now, if you want to wait until it’s over it should be 12 episodes long and just aired it’s 3rd, so about 9 more weeks.

Death Note

This is also absolutely another series that gets recommended to people right off the bat, and for good reason, this show is an intricate game of chess between a serial killer and a detective trying to catch him, and it’s incredibly easy to get super invested in the suspense of what happens next. The story begins when a shinigami, a god of death, drops his “Death Note” into the human world out of pure boredom. A Death Note is simply a notebook where if you write someone's name in it… They die! And who better to pick up such a powerful object than Light Yagami, a prodigy praised for his genius and academy accomplishments as well as his charm and popularity, and with a very strong but juvenile black-and-white sense of justice, likely due to being raised by a cop.

So naturally Light begins his power trip as soon as he finds the notebook, he intends to “fix” the world by cleansing it of all the bad people, but truly he intends to become the world’s new god. Or the “God of the new world” as he puts it. But there’s one thing standing in his way, a detective resolute on catching him with the codename L. The series entire crux is a game of cat and mouse between these two, as they try to outsmart each other and the murders continue, Light loses more and more of his humanity, L becomes more resolute on catching him. There are more twists and turns than a cheetah race, and it’s honestly pretty addictive to see what happens next.

Trigger warnings here obviously include a lot of death and murder, including suicide, but in some cases it’s a forced suicide at Light’s hands. Also abuse, as Light loses his humanity he isn’t above manipulating and discarding people who love him. And one instance of near-rape on screen fairly early on, but the purpitrator dies before it happens and the victim escapes.

K-On!

Slice-of-life is an incredibly popular genre, and K-On! is the quintessential example of it. It’s a series that not everyone will like, because not a lot truly happens, and it can be overly saccharine or “moe” for a lot of people, and that’s fine. But I personally think that despite not a lot happening, the story has genuine substance, more than you may gather at first glance. It’s true that not much in the way of big plot really happens, it’s mostly life events, that’s why it's a slice-of-life. But it’s not about nothing. The real theme of the show is the fleeting nature of youth. It’s about how important the friendships you form at that time are, how they’ll stick with you for a lifetime, and how everything comes to an end. It’s sweetness even becomes a little bittersweet because you knew their after school tea time would end come graduation, and as they realize this it breaks their hearts a little, but they continue on, because they’re still After School Tea Time!

The series itself is simply about 5 girls in a band, Yui Hirasawa on lead guitar, Mio Akiyama on the bass, Ritsu Tainaka on the Drums, Tsumugi Kotobuki on the Keyboard, and Azusa Nakano on Rhythm Guitar (Who shows up later). They’re in a club at school called the light music club where they waste a lot of their time just drinking tea and eating cake, but they’re having fun and that’s what counts! The series has a lot of really great direction and expressive animation despite the fact that a lot of it is just sitting around and talking, it’s incredibly visually interesting so you don’t get bored.

I honestly don’t think there are any big trigger warnings I can give for this series, maybe that Sawa-chan can be a little too forceful when she wants to dress up the girls in cute outfits sometimes but it’s usually not presented as too creepy especially after season 1 where they tone it down due to straying from the manga.

Mob Psycho 100

This series is an absolute love letter to the art of animation as a whole, the artstyle itself may not seem like much to look at but the animation is some of the most expressive, fluid, creative, and vibrant out there right now, it’s the type of series that you can tell was made with a real passion for its medium and it’s story. It’s protagonist is Shigeo Kageyama, nicknamed “Mob”, a term that literally means “Background character”. Mob is a middle school kid and an incredibly powerful psychic, like, insanely overpowered, but he’s currently working part time for a shady conman, Reigen Arataka. Though it may seem as if Reigen is just using Mob for his powers, their bond is actually a very sweet one and you can tell they care for each other, it’s a very important one at the heart of the series.

The core themes of the series itself are what really make it shine, it’s message is stated as clearly as possible in the opening songs, “your life is your own” and “if everyone is not special, maybe you can be what you want to be”. Put simply, you’re the protagonist of your own life, but the other important message of the series is that all the supposed background characters are just as important. The friends you make, the connections you have with other people and the way they impact you, they’re what make you strong. No one is born special, everyone is just a normal person, and everyone deserves kindness. It’s a series that I recommend incredibly strongly for just how powerfully it portrays this message.

Trigger warnings for this series include kidnapping, possession, a scene with a “man in a dress” joke, and a racist design for a background character. Also (spoilers) a scene where it seems like a child was murdered and a scene where it seems like Mob’s entire family was murdered.

Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War!

Hey, speaking of amazing animation, Kaguya-Sama is a romantic comedy series centered around the premise of two incredibly arrogant people falling in love. Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane are the vice president and president of the student council at the prestigious Shuchi'in Academy, they eventually develop feelings for each other but they’re both simultaneously too proud and too insecure to admit it, so the real crux of the series is the 3D chess they play with each other to try and get the other to confess first. Along with the scatterbrained secretary, Chika Fujiawara, the treasurer in desperate need of Prozac Yu Ishigami, the cast is incredibly fun and they all fit into the comedy great. Every single little game of “do you like me?” that they play is written like the most intense thing in the world, the insane animation absolutely adds to it, making it seem almost like a psychological thriller, the comedy comes from the absurdity of just how much they hyperbolize it.

It’s not pure comedy though, due to a lot of the series being set up around mindgames, the characters are actually fairly psychologically complex with a lot of genuine development stemming from their childhood to explain why they are the way they are. The series may be about mindgames, but the actual narrative frames them as a juvenile way to go about relationships, a way to try to protect yourself from getting hurt because you’re afraid to trust. The entire core theme is that communication in relationships of any kind is the most important thing and you cant replace it with clever little tricks, so the main pair only ever make actual progress when they’re actually upfront with each other. Even if it’s scary to be that vulnerable with someone, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past like they have, the relationships you build off of mutual trust and openness will be worth the risk, and they can help heal you. And one of the things I love about the series is that this doesn’t just apply to the main pair, but it places equal emphasis on the importance of friendship. All the characters' relationships with each other are unique and interesting and they all develop the same way, with trust and openness, and they become better because of each other.

Despite being generally a comedy, a lot of the characters deal with some really heavy things too so trigger warning for: child abuse (not on-screen), child abandonment (again not on screen), anxiety and panic attacks, suicidal ideation- initionally played off as a joke but it becomes very obvious the character in question is legitimately suicidal and in the manga he nearly attempts it but is stopped, this plotpoint will most likely be in the anime at some point as it’s also not complete.

Your Lie In April

Alright I gave you a funny show now I’m going to make you cry. In fact it’s hard for me to type this synopsis because I’m an absolute crybaby and thinking about this show gets me, but I think it’s absolutely worth checking out because it’s a very beautiful sadness. Your Lie In April is a series that follows the stress and trauma young musical prodigies face in their lives, as well as the people around them, and it’s a series about the beauty of music and art, and just how much it affects people. The music in the show is absolutely gorgeous, the way that they convey emotion through it is so beautiful and intricate that it just sticks with you. You feel the music, and you understand.

I’m actually going to give the trigger warnings right now instead of at the end because in order to explain the plot I’ll have to talk about them so tw for: Child abuse (phsyical and mental, on-screen), terminal illness, death, in depth depictions of PTSD, vomiting, panic attacks, the works.

The series follows Kousei Arima, a formal piano prodigy who hasn’t performed since the death of his mother two years ago. Kousei's mother was terminally ill, but she was also incredibly abusive. Kousei has incredibly complex feelings about his mother because of this. The trauma she instilled in him is severe, but because he was a child, he still is a child, and he loved his mom a lot, as any child would, and he didn’t want her to die and he blames himself for not being good enough. He wanted to make her happy, and the only way he knew how to do that was to play the piano. So he played and played and practiced until he was perfect, they called him the human metronome. But he would still get severely punished for being anything less than perfect. He had lost all the passion he once had, and after his mother died it was the final nail in the coffin, his trauma manifests now in a way that makes him unable to play. But all that changes one day in April when he meets a violinist named Kaori Miyazono, a girl full of life and passion for music, she’s someone who according to Kousei “Exists in springtime.” and she’s going to help him play again and refined that love for music whether he wants to or not! Teen drama happens of course, but there are much bigger roadblocks ahead.

Assassination Classroom

This series is thankfully generally more lighthearted… Most of the time at least. The premise is pretty simple, but incredibly ridiculous. An incredibly powerful octopus-like creature is the teacher of a classroom of middle school students tasked with the assignment of assassinating him in order to save the world. The series starts off very slice-of-life as it focuses on introducing the very large cast of characters inside of Class E, also known as the “end class”, but it quickly gains traction and gets a lot more intense as time goes on.

The octopus creature in question, Korosensei, is actually a very kind and genuinely good teacher to all his students. The real crux of the series is that it’s sort of a critique on the educational system, the students in the end class are there because they’ve been ostracized from the rest of the campus, far away in the mountains, to be made examples of. Why? Because they’re students that are considered worthless, instead of getting help they’re only pushed back further down in the system and left to struggle within it fruitlessly. They’re given up on, despite being children with so much potential, because they don’t fit a very rigid mold. That’s what Korosensei wants to help them with, and they’re able to grow as people together. As the series progresses you feel such a great sense of unity for the class, they’re like a family, they stick together and it’s very heartwarming. And watching them work as a team of assassins is so fun!

However the series can get heavy at times too, it doesn’t stray from heavier subject matter at all and i found myself incredibly shocked by it a few times, so trigger warning for: Child abuse (on-screen and off), both at the hands of a parent and a teacher and in one case a parent who is also the principal, misgendering of a character, sometimes as a “joke” but other times played dead serious at the hands of his mother, child death- specifically suicide, a successful one as well as 3 assassination attempts that doubled as suicide attempts by the main 3 characters (weird parallel they all got there huh)

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Honestly this is a series that is good to go in blind for if you need to tws, it’s a deconstruction of the magical girl genre, but if you don’t want to know more than that you can stop reading here. If you want to know more, it’s a series that starts off very light-hearted and in tune with typical magical girl conventions at first, however by episode 3 it’s made painfully clear that these girls are being led to sign up into something they shouldn’t. It’s heavy, though not incredibly so, but it’s also a lot to explain in a summary. Madoka magica is… It’s Faust with magical girls.

I’ll explain as much as I can without giving too much away. The story begins when Madoka Kaname and her friend Sayaka Miki encounter a creature who calls itself Kyubey, who says it can grant a wish of theirs and in exchange they have to become magical girls and fight witches. Both the girls are hesitant, but Sayaka wants to wish for her childhood friend’s injuries to be cured so he can play violin again, while Madoka is content as she is and can’t think of a wish. Luckily they have a mentor, a magical girl named Mami Tomoe who helps introduce them to everything. However something is stopping Madoka from becoming a magical girl, a mysterious new student who is also one herself, Homura Akemi, is resolute on keeping Madoka from becoming a magical girl by all means possible, for reasons Madoka doesn’t understand. Things get even more complicated when a rival magical girl shows up, Kyoko Sakura, who becomes Sayaka’s new rival. As things get more heated between those two they discover a terrible secret about the nature of magical girls, and what they truly signed up for.

Spoilers ahead but trigger warning for: Child death, parental death (backstory only), decapitation (off-screen), needles, incredibly surreal imagery inside the witch’s labyrinths that may feel unreal, mind control, suicide, depression and despair expressed by young characters. Also don't bother with Magia Record

The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K.

Alright something lighthearted now, there are a lot of comedy anime I enjoy, a lot of series that have made me laugh, but none has made me bust a gut like this series has, it’s absolutely hilarious. It follows the life of a boy named Saiki Kusuo who has psychic powers. His powers are incredibly overpowered, and he absolutely hates them, in his eyes they cause him nothing but trouble. There’s not much in the way of a plot to describe, because there isn’t any, the series is comprised of 5 minute segments surrounding Saiki and an incredibly vast and colorful cast of characters that are just all completely insane, many serve as parodies as types of anime tropes because the series as a whole is very self aware and doesn’t shy from breaking the fourth wall a lot, but the characters surrounding Saiki are what make his life… Disastrous.

Like I said there’s not really a plot to describe but like FMA people may get confused with this one, there are 3 seasons but one of them is titled “The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K: Reawakened” as is a continuation of the first two with just 6 episodes in it. Also for some reason only the second season isn’t dubbed so if you’re planning on watching it that way you’d have to either stop or switch to subs for season 2

The only major tw I can give here is an ongoing joke about a character being into his sister, he’s treated as disgusting for it of course because he’s a parody of that trope but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable, luckily he doesn’t show up much.

Little Witch Academia

Little Witch Academia is a series I personally just adore, it takes place in a world where witches are common and well-known among the people, but the era of witches is over and magic is dying out. However that doesn’t mean passion of magic doesn’t exist, the protagonist is a young girl named Atsuko Kagari, or Akko for short. She’s resolute on being just like her icon, a witch known as Shiny Chariot, as she attends the same magic school: Luna Nova! Unfortunately Akko isn’t exactly a magical prodigy, in fact she can’t even fly a broom, but that’s not gonna stop her, nothing will. Just like Chariot said, believing in yourself is your magic.

Once at school Akko gets into all types of crazy shenanigans with her with her two roommates, Lotte Yanson and Sucy Manbavaran, and occasionally her rival, Diana Cavendish. Akko still struggles a lot in school, in fact her inability with magic is pretty explicitly handled as a metaphor for a learning disability, and though this makes it harder for her she’s still resolute. Though the series is generally episodic, a concrete plot starts to form by the second core. Along with the help of her guidance counselor, Professor Ursula, Akko learns that she needs to unlock 7 “words” to bring magic back to the world, each time she learns a new one it comes with an important lesson to her and ultimately relates back to each of the core themes of the series

The series is pretty lighthearted so the biggest trigger warning I can give is one for bullying, two characters in particular tend to target Akko for not being a good witch and it can really sting to watch. Other than that none come to mind

[animeman08]

Wolverine

Wolverine (birth name: James Howlett; alias: Logan and Weapon X) is a fictional character appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics, mostly in association with the X-Men. He is a mutant who possesses animal-keen senses, enhanced physical capabilities, a powerful regenerative ability known as a healing factor, and three retractable claws in each hand. Wolverine has been depicted variously as a member of the X-Men, Alpha Flight, and the Avengers.

The character appeared in the last panel of The Incredible Hulk #180 before having a larger role in #181 (cover-dated Nov. 1974). He was created by Marvel editor-in-chief Roy Thomas, writer Len Wein, and Marvel art director John Romita Sr. Romita designed the character, although it was first drawn for publication by Herb Trimpe. Wolverine then joined a revamped version of the superhero team the X-Men, where eventually writer Chris Claremont and artist-writer John Byrne would play significant roles in the character's development. Artist Frank Miller collaborated with Claremont and helped revise the character with a four-part eponymous limited series from September to December 1982, which debuted Wolverine's catchphrase, "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do best isn't very nice."

Wolverine is typical of the many tough antiheroes that emerged in American popular culture after the Vietnam War; his willingness to use deadly force and his brooding nature became standard characteristics for comic book antiheroes by the end of the 1980s. As a result, the character became a fan favorite of the increasingly popular X-Men franchise, and has been featured in his own solo comic book series since 1988.

He has appeared in most X-Men adaptations, including animated television series, video games, and the live-action 20th Century Fox X-Men film series, in which he is played by Hugh Jackman. Troye Sivan portrayed a younger version in the 2009 film X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The character is highly rated in many comics best-of lists, ranked #1 in Wizard magazine's 2008 Top 200 Comic Book Characters; 4th in Empire's 2008 Greatest Comic Characters; and 4th on IGN's 2011 Top 100 Comic Book Heroes.

Powers and abilities

Wolverine is a mutant with a number of both natural and artificial improvements to his physiology.

> Healing and defensive powers

Wolverine's primary mutant power is an accelerated healing process, typically referred to as his mutant healing factor, that regenerates damaged or destroyed tissues of his body far beyond that of normal humans. In addition to accelerated healing of physical traumas, Wolverine's healing factor makes him extraordinarily resistant to diseases, drugs and toxins. However, he can still suffer the immediate effects of such substances in massive quantities; he has been seen to become intoxicated after ingesting significant amounts of alcohol,and has been incapacitated on several occasions with large amounts of powerful drugs and poisons; S.H.I.E.L.D. once managed to keep Wolverine anesthetized by constantly pumping eighty milliliters of anesthetic a minute into his system.

A study by the University of British Columbia states that Wolverine's healing factor resembles the axolotl's ability to regenerate lost limbs. It suggests that a novel protein—which the study's authors dubbed Howlett—found in tissue samples taken from him, and which resembles the Amblox protein found in axolotl but is much more efficient, is responsible for Wolverine's rapid regeneration. His healing factor is facilitated by artificial improvements he was subjected to under the Weapon X program (in later comics called the Weapon Plus program), in which his skeleton was reinforced with the virtually indestructible metal adamantium. While the adamantium in his body stops or reduces many injuries, his healing factor must also work constantly to prevent metal poisoning from killing him. When his healing powers were rendered inactive, Beast synthesized a drug to counteract the adamantium poisoning.

Wolverine's healing factor also dramatically affects his aging process, allowing him to live far beyond the normal lifespan of normal humans. Despite being born in the late 19th century, he has the appearance, conditioning, health and vitality of a man in his physical prime. While seemingly ageless, it is unknown exactly how greatly his healing factor extends his life expectancy.

Although Wolverine's body heals, the healing factor does not suppress the pain he endures while injured. Wolverine also admits to feeling phantom pains for weeks or months after healing from his injuries. He does not enjoy being hurt and sometimes has to work himself up for situations where extreme pain is certain. Wolverine, on occasion, has deliberately injured himself or allowed himself to be injured for varying reasons, including freeing himself from capture, intimidation, strategy, or simply indulging his feral nature. Though he now has all of his memories, his healing abilities can provide increased recovery from psychological trauma by suppressing memories in which he experiences profound distress.

Depictions of the speed and extent of injury to which Wolverine can heal vary due to a broad degree of artistic license employed by various comic book writers. Originally, this was portrayed as accelerated healing of minor wounds, though Chris Claremont, head writer of the X-Men comics from the mid 1970s to the early 1990s increased Wolverine's healing factor substantially, though not nearly as much as later writers would. During the 1980s, Wolverine's mutant healing factor is depicted as being able to heal massive levels of trauma, though his recovery time could extend to days, weeks or months before fully healing; often depending upon the severity of the injuries, their extent and the frequency with which they're inflicted. Wolverine has also stated that his body actually heals faster when the injury is grave or life-threatening. During the 1990s through the modern era, other writers have increased Wolverine's healing factor to the point that it could fully regenerate nearly any damaged or destroyed bodily tissues within seconds. Among the more extreme depictions of Wolverine's healing factor include fully healing after being caught near the center of an atomic explosion and the total regeneration of his soft body tissue, within a matter of minutes, after having it incinerated from his skeleton. An explanation is given in a recent mini-series starring Wolverine for the increase of his healing powers. In the series, Wolverine is referred to as an "adaptive self-healer" after undergoing numerous traumatic injuries to test the efficiency of his healing factor. Wolverine has endured so much trauma, and so frequently, that his healing factor has adapted, becoming faster and more efficient to cope with increasing levels of trauma. The Xavier Protocols, a series of profiles created by Xavier that lists the strengths and weaknesses of the X-Men, say that Wolverine's healing factor is increased to "incredible levels" and theorizes that the only way to stop him is to decapitate him and remove his head from the vicinity of his body.

It is possible to suppress the efficiency of Wolverine's healing powers; for example, if an object composed of adamantium is inserted and remains lodged within his body, his healing powers are slowed dramatically. The Muramasa blade, a katana of mystic origins that can inflict wounds that nullify superhuman healing factors, can also suppress Wolverine's powers. It has also been noted that Wolverine needs protein for his healing factor to generate tissue, meaning that if he was seriously injured and malnourished, his body might not be able to repair itself. His healing factor has also been turned off using nanites.

It has been suggested that Wolverine can be killed by drowning. He has said that he is not particularly fond of being in the water, due partially to the weight of his adamantium laced skeleton, and that he can die if held underwater long enough - his healing factor would only prolong the agony. The two-part story arc "Drowning Logan" finds Wolverine trapped underwater for an extensive period of time. The second part of the story arc hints that this experience weakens his healing factor and future health. Following "Drowning Logan", Beast reveals that an "intelligent virus" originating from the Microverse has shut off his healing factor, though not before it purged his body of the virus, leaving him as susceptible to injury, disease, and aging as any ordinary human.

Wolverine vol. 3, #57 reveals that when Wolverine is injured so seriously that his body actually dies before his healing factor can repair the damage, he returns to life by fighting with Azrael, the Angel of Death, while trapped in Purgatory because Wolverine defeated Azrael in real-world combat during World War I. However, after Wolverine's resurrection and brainwashing by the Hand, he made a new deal with Azrael that repaired the damage to his soul, negated their previous arrangement, and weakened his healing factor slightly - and the next time Wolverine sustains death-inducing injuries, he will remain dead.

Due to a combination of Wolverine's healing factor and high-level psionic shields implanted by Professor Xavier, Wolverine's mind is highly resistant to telepathic assault and probing. Wolverine's mind also possesses what he refers to as "mental scar tissue" created by the traumatic events of his life. It acts as a type of natural defense, even against a psychic as powerful as Emma Frost.

> Other abilities

Wolverine's mutation also consists of animal-like adaptations of his body, including pronounced, and sharp fang-like canines and three retractable claws housed within each forearm. While originally depicted as bionic implants created by the Weapon X program, the claws are later revealed to be a natural part of his body. The claws are not made of keratin, as claws tend to be in the animal kingdom, but extremely dense bone. Wolverine's hands do not have openings for the claws to move through: they cut through his flesh every time he extrudes them, with occasional references implying that he feels a brief moment of slight pain in his hands when he unsheathes them. During a talk to Jubilee, Wolverine reveals that there are channels inside his forearms through which the claws move when he extrudes them and that he unsheathes the claws a few times a day to keep the channels open, similar to pierced ears.

Wolverine's senses of sight, smell, and hearing are all superhumanly acute. He can see with perfect clarity at greater distances than an ordinary human, even in near-total darkness. His hearing is enhanced in a similar manner, allowing him to hear sounds ordinary humans cannot and also hear to greater distances. Wolverine is able to use his sense of smell to track targets by scent, even if the scent has been eroded somewhat over time by natural factors. This sense also allows him to identify shapeshifting mutants despite other forms they may take. He is also able to use his senses of smell and hearing, through concentration, as a type of natural lie detector, such as detecting a faint change in a person's heartbeat and scent due to perspiration when a lie is told.

On more than one occasion, Wolverine's entire skeleton, including his claws, has been molecularly infused with adamantium. Due to their coating, his claws can cut almost any known solid material, including most metals, wood, and some varieties of stone. The only known exceptions are adamantium itself and Captain America's shield, which is made out of a proto-adamantium-vibranium alloy. Vibranium alone is not comparable in terms of durability with adamantium and has been broken by Colossus. Wolverine's ability to slice completely through a substance depends upon both the amount of force he can exert and the thickness of the substance. His claws can also be used to block attacks or projectiles, as well as dig into surfaces allowing Wolverine to climb structures. The adamantium also adds weight to his blows, increasing the effectiveness of his offensive capabilities. His adamantium skeleton makes him highly susceptible to magnetic-based attacks. According to Reed Richards, Wolverine would be unable to move without his enhanced strength due to the additional weight of the adamantium bonded to his skeleton.

Wolverine's healing factor also affects a number of his physical attributes by increasing them to superhuman levels. His stamina is sufficiently heightened to the point he can exert himself for numerous hours, even after exposure to powerful tranquilizers. Wolverine's agility and reflexes are also enhanced to levels that are beyond the physical limits of the finest human athlete. Due to his healing factor's constant regenerative qualities, he can push his muscles beyond the limits of the human body without injury. This, coupled with the constant demand placed on his muscles by over one hundred pounds of adamantium, grants him some degree of superhuman strength. Since the presence of the adamantium negates the natural structural limits of his bones, he can lift or move weight that would otherwise damage a human skeleton. He has been depicted breaking steel chains, lifting several men above his head with one arm and throwing them through a wall, lifting Ursa Major (in grizzly bear form) over his head before tossing him across a room, and hauling a concert grand piano, and the platform it rests on, via a harness, while climbing a sheer cliff. Colossus and other allies use Wolverine's endurance and strength when throwing him at high speed in the Fastball Special.

During and after the Return of Wolverine, Logan has showcased a mysterious new ability where the adamantium in his claws can heat up to incredibly high, yet undisclosed, level of temperatures. The mechanics of this power have yet to be revealed; whether it is a Secondary Mutation, latent Weapon X faculty making itself known or a new power gained upon his resurrection is unclear. What is extent is that it's related to the berserker side of his persona, his Hot Claws as popularly noted being tied to Wolverines rage. This new power comes with the drawback of weakening his healing factor, however, as after using them to ward of the X-Men who came looking for him, he lost consciousness for a few weeks time afterward.

> Skills and personality

During Wolverine's time in Japan and other countries, he became proficient in many forms of martial arts, with experience in many different fighting styles. He is proficient with most weaponry, including firearms, though he is partial to bladed weapons. He has demonstrated sufficient skills to defeat expert martial artist Shang-Chi and Captain America in single combat. He also has a wide knowledge of the body and pressure points. Like many of the X-Men, he is trained to pilot the group's SR-71 Blackbird supersonic plane. He is highly skilled in the field of espionage and covert operations.

Wolverine will sometimes lapse into a "berserker rage" while in close combat. In this state, he lashes out with the intensity and aggression of an enraged animal and is even more resistant to psionic attack. Though he loathes it, he acknowledges that it has saved his life many times, it being most notably useful when he faced the telepathic "Mister X", as X's ability to read his mind and predict his next move in a fight was useless as not even Wolverine knows what he will do next in his berserk state. Despite his apparent ease at taking lives, he mournfully regrets and does not enjoy killing or giving in to his berserker rages. Logan adheres to a firm code of personal honor and morality.

In contrast to his brutish nature, Wolverine is extremely knowledgeable. Due to his longer lifespan, he has traveled around the world and amassed extensive knowledge of foreign languages and cultures. He is fluent in English, Japanese, Russian, Chinese, Cheyenne, Spanish, Arabic, and Lakota; he also has some knowledge of French, Filipino, Thai, Vietnamese, Italian, Korean, Hindi, Telugu, Persian, German, and Portuguese. When Forge monitors Wolverine's vital signs during a Danger Room training session, he calls Logan's physical and mental state "equivalent of an Olympic-level gymnast performing a gold medal routine while simultaneously beating four chess computers in his head." Much to Professor Xavier's disapproval, Wolverine is also a heavy drinker and smoker; his healing powers negate the long-term effects of alcohol and tobacco and allow him to indulge in prolonged binges.

Wolverine is frequently depicted as a gruff loner, often taking leave from the X-Men to deal with personal issues or problems. He is often irreverent and rebellious towards authority figures, though he is a reliable ally and capable leader, and has occasionally displayed a wry, sarcastic sense of humor. He has been a mentor and father figure to several younger women, especially Jubilee, Kitty Pryde and X-23, and has had failed romantic relationships with numerous women (most notably Mariko Yashida). He also had a mutual, but unfulfilled attraction to Jean Grey, leading to arguments with her boyfriend (and later husband), Scott Summers. He also married Viper as part of a debt, then later divorced her. It has also been implied that he and Squirrel Girl had a relationship at some point in the past. Wolverine has had an on-again, off-again romantic relationship with longtime teammate and friend, Storm.

[olderthannetfic]

It’s International Fanworks Day and also the 30th and final post in this series. If you follow my tumblr, you know that my true fandom isn’t buddy cops or Highlander or any of those things. No, my true fandom is...

WANK

No matter which bitchy piece of fujo-course nonsense you’re looking at on tumblr, no matter which debate about WNGWJLEO or women in slash or fanfiction vs. media you're reblogging, your grandma was having that fight in a zine somewhere in 1985 and at Escapade in the 90s.

Here’s a vid review from 2002:

"History Repeating," [...] was an Amanda vid. In-fucking-credible. Who knew? Who knew I could like Amanda? Who knew there were fresh HL clips I hadn't seen a thousand times before in HL vids? (Of course, as someone pointed out, she had her own spin-off.) This rocked--sharp, fast cutting and pretty, pretty shots, with a hot bisexy vibe running through it. And, you know, people like to say that there's all this self-hating misogyny in fans--you know, that women hate shows about women, hate women characters breaking up the OTP, etc. But when you see a femme-centric vid like this bring down the house, you really have to wonder. Is it misogyny, really, or is just that we usually see a bunch of crap representations of women in media and resist them?

So on the theme of There Is Nothing New Under The Sun, here is a selection of past Escapade panels on gender, representation, and problematicness:

1993 - Anti-Feminism in Slash Fandom (Or, how 'it was never this good with a woman' syndrome... where are the women, and why do we care?)

1995 - Why Lesbians Read Slash - (What's the attraction? Why do they care? Why do they write it?)

1996 - Character Bisexuality: Convenient fiction or character trait? (Is this a good compromise between "We're not gay, we just love each other" and "I was gay all along and just faking it with women"? Or is this too easy? Special mention for the stereotypical bisexual villian who's evil, sexy, and can come on to everyone.)

1996 - Female Heroes: Female Empowerment, or male power in women's bodies? (Give a woman a gun and make her really tough. Wow, cool! yes, or no? Are we celebrating women, or are we merely putting breasts on male action heroes? Heroines under discussion may include (but not be limited to) Sara Connor, Ripley, Vasquez, Thelma & Louise.)

1997 - Gender Astigmatism (The Gender Continuum: in what we read, in what we write, and what we are, there is always a connection with a point on the gender continuum. How do our definitions of "feminine" and "masculine" influence our creativity? Where do bisexual characters fit in? (besides there, you dirty-minded person!)

1998 - Xena: Does Girl-Slash Get Us Going? (Xena is the first show with a feminine couple to be really popular. What kind of slash fans are interested? Does gender orientation matter? Or do slash fans love slashy couples regardless of their gender? Can m/m fans be 'converted' to f/f fans?)

1998 - Bastards & the Women Who Love Them (When Methos says, "you live to serve me," any normal '90s woman says, "I don't think so!... or does she? A happy contemplation on the virtues of handsome thugs.)

1998 - Slash: a Continuation of Women's Writing, led by Constance Penley (In case you didn't know, in her recent book NASA/TREK (yes, the slash is intentional), she addressed slash as a continuum of women's writing, combining women's romance, and the male quest romance. Join her for a discussion of slash -- where it was, where it is, where it might be going.)

1998 - The Trauma of Slash Fans in Het Fandoms (Or, what to do when find women doing all that cool, tough-guy stuff you love.)

1999 - Male Slash Fans - Welcome Voice, or Infringement? (Slash is written by women for women — or is it? The Internet has attracted new fans, including the "male slash fan". Who is he? What does he think of what "we" do? Do we care?)

2002 - Femslash (General discussion on female/female slash fiction. If Buffy wanted something cold and hard between her legs, why didn't she just choose silicon?)

2003 - Slash: Feminist political act or really good porn?

2005 - Where have all the lesbians gone? (When some slash lists explicitly state m/m only, where do you go for femslash? Are there any hot femslash couples? Pimp your femslash fandom here, or bemoan the lack of strung female characters in the current conservative social climate.)

2007 - Femslash: The Other Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name (Femslash. It's a work that makes some of our hearts leap for joy and inspires complete and total disinterset—or even dislike and disdain—in others. Where can we find the good stuff? What makes it good? And what's up with the haters?)

2007 - SGA: The Women of Atlantis (What do we like about how the women of SGA are written and portrayed, and what makes us wince? What do we think about how their issues are being woven into the show's narrative?)

2008 - Gay is Not Slash (...even though slash is sometimes gay. The current argument about m/m romances by women as taking recognition *away* from male gay writers, depends on m/m writing being intended as gay lit. And slash, for one, isn't, even if there can be overlap. What overlaps? What doesn't? What examples do fans like?

2009 - Female Character Stories: Halfamoon, Full Moon or Just Moony (F/f slash, and other stories centered on female characters, are gaining visibility in fandom. Are there things fens will write about women that we won't about men? (Given MPreg, *are* there?) Should f/f be like m/m, or is it unavoidably different?)

2011 - My ***** is Not Ideologically Driven, But is it Homophobic (Slash fandom often sees itself as a mostly liberal community. IDIC, right? But recently there's been a slash backlash: it's anti-feminist, a 'symptom' of internalized misogyny. We're 'erasing' the women characters after all. Is slash homophobic? Does slash fandom appropriate gay culture? Is it awesome and ennobling as it makes us happy in our panties, or is all that self-hatred bubbling just beneath the surface of our porn?)

2012 - Natural Woman (We've lamented the lack of strong, believable female characters (who dress appropriately). But now we have them: Gemma Teller and Audrey Parker; Salt and Haywire; we've got Bechdel-passing women who look like they can throw a punch. Still, most of them are in the sci-fi or action genre, so are we really seeing progress? And what are we doing with them, as fans?)

2012 - Don't Call It a Bromance (It's Just Canon) (TPTB are increasingly aware of slash, and bromance is regular fare on TV canon these days. Does overt bromance make the fic and art hotter or just vanilla? Is there an anti-slash backlash in our shows? Is the emphasis on men's relationships making women disappear? Inquiring minds want to know. If you have answers, theories, or just want to squee, join in the fun!)

2014 - (The End of?) Ladybashing in Slashfic (Slashfic used to regularly feature bashing of female characters. Now, blatant bashing seems less fashionable. If you recognize this trend, let's talk! Were most ladybashing fics ones for juggernaut pairings in megafandoms, or were they everywhere? What's causing the change: more women in leading roles/ensemble casts, fic writers being more conscious to avoid bashing ladies even if they're not their favorites, more willingness to blame show writers' bad writing (instead of the character being just bad/evil/stupid) for bad female characters, or something else entirely?)

2015 - Fifty Shades of Fandom (Fifty Shades of Grey has become the representation of fan fiction in mainstream culture. It’s bad fan fiction, and it’s being used to ridicule women while making millions off women readers and viewers. Can we connect with these women: proto-fans who would love to read, and maybe write, great fan fiction if they found it? Can we use the FSoG phenomenon to expand our community? Does keeping our doors closed and our mouths shut perpetuate both monetization of our fan culture and misogynist scorn?)

2016 - Who Are We? (How do we define ourselves in this age of so many OT3s and team orgy pairings? Does m/m/f count as "slash"? Is slash-only space slipping away? (And would that be bad?) Do m/m and f/f belong together more than they do with m/f? Is "Media Fandom" a valid term any longer? Who are we if we start shipping het?)

2016 - Ladies Loving Ladies. (There would seem to be enough queer women in fandom to write/want more f/f. Do lesbians write f/f, m/m? Both? Do straight women? Or are we still missing the iconic female characters and relationships that create a great slash fandom? Did they figure out the answer to this question at TGIF/F and if so, what is it?)

2016 - By Us For Us (Fic, even kinky slash, is practically mainstream these days. The ebook revolution puts publishing within reach of almost anyone. Sundance hits have been filmed on iPhones. So why aren't fangirls making more media? Or is it happening right under our noses? Is this a place where our women's gift economy does our community a disservice? Discuss what's out there, what we'd like to see, and what's holding us back.)

2017 - LGBTQIA+ in Slash Fandom (Queer fans have always been here. In a subculture often defined as "for" straight women, what do we as fans have to say about non-straight, non-cis, and non-conventional sexuality and gender in fanfiction, in fandom, and in the larger culture?)

2018 - Confronting the Tensions Between Slash and Queer Representation (Slash fandom thrives on homoerotic subtext. Many queer fans are unwilling to settle for this quasi-representation. Part of every slash fandom seems loudly invested in their ship becoming canon. Some are queer fans who want actual textual representation in their favorite shows, and some are fans using queer politics to fight ship wars. Then the “slash is not activism” posts make the rounds. Is slash activism? Is advocating for slash ships in canon the same thing as advocating for queer representation?)

2018 - Representing Slashers (What does "representation" in the media mean to us? We know what more gay or POC representation means, but what about slash fandom, which is largely female and focused on bodies that don't resemble our own? Would better female characters in media better represent us? Or male characters written for a female audience? Come talk about the intersection of slash, personal identity, and media representation.)

2018 - Anonymity in Slash Fandom: Choosing to Hide (Why do the majority of slash fans hide their hobby? Is it fear of blackmail? Embarrassment? Fear of losing employment? How does this affect your happiness? How does this affect your security? What would an ideal world look like? Who would/have you told about your interest in slash? Who would you never, ever, tell?)

2019 - Fandom Post-Slash? (In an era of "ships" and #pairing #tags on Tumblr and AO3, has the "slash" label lost its meaning? Same-gender pairings are as popular as ever and fans still ID pairings with a virgule between the names, but how many fans still call m/m and f/f slash or femslash? How many fans identify as "slashers?" Het and slash were opposing binaries which few fans crossed. Are these barriers breaking down? What purpose has the term "slash" served? Has fandom moved

past it and, if so, what does that mean?)

[scrumptioushottubinfluencer]

Er Emergency Room Season 1

Susan Lewis, MDFirst appearanceSeptember 19, 1994 (1x01, '24 Hours')Last appearanceApril 2, 2009 (15x22, 'And In The End')Portrayed bySherry StringfieldDuration1994–96, 2001–05, 2009In-universe informationNicknameSusieTitle

Resident (1994–1996)

Attending (2001–2005)

Chief of Emergency Medicine (2003–2005)

OccupationEmergency PhysicianFamily

Henry Lewis (father)

Irene “Cookie” Lewis (mother, deceased)

Chloe Lewis (sister)

SpouseChuck Martin (ex-husband)Significant otherDiv Cvetic (ex-boyfriend)ChildrenCosmo Martin (son, with Chuck)RelativesSuzie Lewis (niece)

Emergency Room

Hospital Er Rooms

Susan Lewis is a character as played by Sherry Stringfield, on the fictional television show ER. Sherry Stringfield is one of ER's original cast members, portraying Susan in Season 1 as an eager resident. Stringfield left the show, the character was not recast and Susan left County General Hospital and the series in Season 3, but. ER Confidential November 17, 1994. Season 1, Episode 10. November 17, 1994. Cvetic (John Terry) struggles with a growing sense of hatred toward his patients; Hathaway faces an ethical crisis.

Dr. Susan Lewis is a character as played by Sherry Stringfield, on the fictional television showER.

Sherry Stringfield is one of ER's original cast members, portraying Susan in Season 1 as an eager resident. Stringfield left the show, the character was not recast and Susan left County General Hospital and the series in Season 3, but Stringfield and the character returned five seasons later as an attending physician in Season 8. Susan Lewis eventually checked out of the ER for good in 2005, at the beginning of Season 12, having been passed over for tenure in favor of John Carter by Kerry Weaver. She was offered a tenured position at a hospital in Iowa City.

Development[edit]

During the third season of the series, actress Sherry Stringfield left ER for the first time. In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Stringfield explained that having a family was one of the primary reasons for her to leave the show.[1] According to Entertainment Weekly, Stringfield's decision to quit angered the show's executive producer John Wells, because she left just as Dr. Lewis got embroiled in a budding romance with Anthony Edwards' Dr. Mark Greene.[2] Stringfield revealed it was not a pleasant situation and said: 'The producers were in shock. They tried to talk me out of it. It took a long time to get out of my contract.'[3]

However, by the time of the eighth season, her schedule allowed her to return to the series. Wells said they were 'delighted to welcome her back as a series regular and can't wait to work with her again.'[1] Stringfield remained in the main cast for four more seasons, until August 2005, when she announced that she would be leaving ER again and stated: 'I am extremely grateful for the time I spent on ER,' Stringfield explained. 'It is a wonderful show, and there are so many people I will miss. But I'm ready for new roles and new challenges.'[4]

Character history[edit]

Seasons 1–3 First Departure (1994–1996)[edit]

In Season 1, Susan is a second year resident. She is shown to be an eager and competent young doctor working in the emergency department of County General Hospital. She is good friends with Nurse Carol Hathaway, Dr. Doug Ross and especially Dr. Mark Greene, who is her best friend.

Though an extremely capable doctor, Susan is initially seen to have problems asserting herself. This is frequently taken advantage of by the senior and more forthright doctors in the hospital, such as Dr. Peter Benton and particularly Dr. Jack Kayson. This leads to several confrontations, and animosity worsens when Kayson discharges one of Susan's patients, failing to notice the severity of his symptoms, which ultimately leads to the patient's death.

Kayson tries to deflect the blame onto Susan and her competence is questioned. Her superior, Mark, is forced to monitor her every move and their friendship is put under strain as a result. During the case review, however, the board rules in Susan's favor and reprimands Kayson—much to his chagrin.

Shortly after, Kayson is rushed into hospital suffering from a heart attack. Despite their past disagreement on the issue, Kayson opts for Susan's non-invasive form of treatment against the advice of a senior doctor, who (like Kayson) is an advocate of surgical angioplasty. Finally asserting herself, Susan stands her ground and refuses to allow Kayson to be treated surgically. Following his recovery, Kayson shows his gratitude by asking Susan to be his valentine date, which she awkwardly declines.

Susan's personal life is far less settled than her professional one. In Season 1, she is seen to have a brief relationship with psychiatrist Div Cvetic, who ultimately has a nervous breakdown and disappears. Susan later learns that he married someone he met through a dating service, run by a taxi driver from his cab.

Most of her problems, however, are family-related. Susan's parents, Cookie and Henry, are shown to be flighty (her father is jokingly referred to as a test pilot for Barcalounger) and difficult to talk to. Her older sister, Chloe, is the source of most of her distress, with a seemingly never ending series of problems with alcohol, drugs, men, and money. Chloe eventually has a baby girl, who she names Susan ('Little Susie') after her sister. During Season 2 however, Chloe begins to use alcohol and drugs once again. After deciding that she cannot look after her baby, she leaves Chicago, abandoning Susie on a flustered and overworked Susan.

Susan as she appeared in 1996.

She struggles to be a good mother to the child while completing her demanding residency. Already overstressed, Susan clashes with the new Chief Resident, Kerry Weaver, numerous times, forcing Mark Greene to step in between them. Animosity between Kerry and Susan lessens over time, but never goes away completely. Realizing that Chloe may never return, Susan considers giving Susie up for adoption. She gets as far as introducing the baby to potential adoptive parents, but cannot bring herself to part with her niece, so she decides to keep her and adopt the child as her own.

Susan grows extremely attached to the baby, but she gets a surprise when a reformed Chloe reappears later in the season and tries to reclaim 'little Susie'. Susan can't see past Chloe's mistakes, regardless of her recent turnaround and new responsible boyfriend. Desperate to keep the baby, Susan attempts to fight Chloe for custody, but is forced to reconsider when the judge warns her that she would lose. Susan begrudgingly reaches an agreement with her sister, and after regaining custody of 'little Susie', Chloe moves her family to Phoenix, Arizona to start a new life.

Susan struggles to cope with the loss of her niece and goes through a period of grief and counseling. She throws herself into her work to escape her feelings of loneliness, which manages to impress Weaver and, with Mark's encouragement, Kerry agrees to offer Susan the position of chief resident (she promises to support Susan's promotion if Mark recommends her as County's new attending physician). Much of the ER staff hoped Susan could achieve that title, but Susan turns the position down, later telling Mark that there is more to life than work.

Setting up Sherry Stringfield's departure from the series in Season 3, the beginnings of a romance appears to develop between Susan and Mark, or more to the point, they are shown to have problems identifying their current relationship as friendship. Both seem timid and cautious around each other. Initially more upfront about the situation, Susan invites Mark to join her on holiday in Maui, Hawaii, but is embarrassed when he appears hesitant, and later retracts the offer, feeling she overstepped a boundary.

Fearful that he may have missed his chance with Susan, Mark attempts to convey his attraction towards her upon her return, though he cannot find the courage to follow through and is left perplexed by Susan's reticence. It transpires that Susan never actually made it to Maui, she instead visited her sister and 'little Susie' in Phoenix as she could not overcome her fear of flying. Mark helps her overcome this fear in the following episode ('Fear of Flying'), supporting her during a helicopter flight rotation where they are called upon to treat victims of a serious motor accident.

As they grow closer, Mark finally plucks up the courage to casually ask Susan out, however she declines, telling him that they 'need to talk'. Shortly after, Mark witnesses Susan in numerous secret talks with the ER's chief of emergency medicine, David Morgenstern, and concludes that they are seeing each other. He confronts Susan, but she reveals that Morgenstern was merely helping her to transfer her residency. Desperately missing her niece, Susan had made the decision to move to Phoenix to be near her sister's family.

During a hectic last day for Susan at County's ER, Mark struggles with her imminent departure, but still finds himself afraid to admit his true feelings for her. The hospital staff arrange a leaving party for Susan, but it is canceled due to an influx of critical patients from a motoring accident. Susan leaves the hospital unable to say goodbye to Mark, who was busy working on a trauma patient. He manages to arrive just as her train is about to depart (episode 'Union Station). Mark pleads with her to stay because he loves her. But Susan doesn't see a future in Chicago or with him. She kisses him and says 'I love you, too' as the train departs.

Seasons 8–12 and second departure (2001–2005)[edit]

Susan returns during Season 8 as she left, shown to arrive on a train into Chicago to interview for a job. Susan visits County General for the first time in 5 years and sees the hospital has changed as well as the faces. She meets Mark for coffee and reveals that Chloe has moved on to another city, and she has decided that she can't follow her sister's family around forever. Mark offers her a job as an attending physician at County General, despite Kerry Weaver's reservations – the two never got along when they worked together before.

Susan returns to County (2001).

During Season 8 Susan has a brief relationship with Dr. John Carter after they both admit that they had a crush on each other when he was a medical student and she was a resident – it doesn't last, as Susan realizes in the episode Secrets and Lies, that Carter is really in love with Abby Lockhart. She then tells Carter to 'tell her' about his feelings. The two both break up on good terms and remain good friends throughout the rest of her career at County. Her problems with Chloe resurface when her niece Susie goes missing in New York after leaving a distressing voicemail message on her aunt's phone. Susan flies to New York (in a crossover with Third Watch) and discovers Chloe doped up, sleeping rough. Towards the end of the season, Susan faces one of her most difficult story lines, as her best friend Mark Greene reveals to her that his brain tumor has returned. The two rekindled their close friendship as she helps him come to terms with his diagnosis. Susan is alluded to in Mark's goodbye letter in 'The Letter' when Mark comments that he had to leave the way he did, even though there were things of a more personal nature to say. After her best friend's death, Susan warmed up to other friendships in the ER with Abby Lockhart and Elizabeth Corday, and was able to work better with her old colleague Kerry Weaver. Dr. Romano, who actually respected her (he once told another doctor to get Dr. Lewis when he had a medical emergency, calling her 'the least annoying person down there'), also promoted her to Deputy Chief of Emergency Medicine much to Kerry Weaver's dismay.

Into Season 9, Susan meets a flight nurse named Chuck Martin (played by Donal Logue) on a plane to Las Vegas. They both get drunk upon arrival and end up getting married in Vegas. They quickly have the marriage annulled once they return to Chicago, but eventually start dating again, and Susan becomes pregnant. She is finally promoted to the position of Chief of Emergency Medicine after Robert Romano dies in Season 10. While other pregnant characters had given birth on the show, at the time, Susan's was the first major birth offscreen, with her giving birth sometime between Seasons 10 and 11 (and being placed on bedrest amid concerns of preterm labor). Chuck ends up caring for their baby boy Cosmo as a stay-at-home parent while Susan works.

Into Season 11, Susan begins to build some anxiety about the upcoming tenure offer. It ultimately goes to her friend John Carter, due to her lack of grant funding, finally leading to her final exit from the series at the beginning of Season 12 in the episode 'Canon City'. Susan is offered a tenure track position at a hospital in Iowa City, Iowa (presumably University of Iowa). Technically, Stringfield was the first and last original cast member to leave the show. (Being the first to leave in 1996, then in 2005 after the rest of the original cast left.) This was later bested by Noah as he returned in the final season of E.R in 2009.

Season 15 Return in The End (2009)[edit]

In the season 15 episode 'The Book of Abby', long-serving nurse Haleh Adams shows the departing Abby Lockhart a closet wall where all the past doctors and employees have put their locker name tags. Amongst them, the tag 'Lewis' can be seen.

Dr. Susan Lewis returned for the series finale titled 'And in the End...',[5][6] returning to Chicago for the opening of The Carter Center. During evening drinks with Peter Benton, John Carter, Kerry Weaver, Elizabeth Corday, and Rachel Greene, Susan is heard confirming to Dr. Corday that she still lives in Iowa. Additionally, she states that she and Chuck have split and she is now dating again. She eventually returns to the ER for the last time in the series with Rachel Greene and Carter, where she visits and jokes with the staff, much to the annoyance of Dr. Banfield who interrupts the talk by asking Susan who she is.

Reception[edit]

Sherry Stringfield's decision to leave ER was a 'shock wave through Hollywood.'[7] According to Entertainment Weekly, people called Stringfield 'nuts' for leaving 'the hottest show on TV for some investment banker in New York.'[3]

Other officesPreceded by Robert Romano Chief of Emergency Medicine 2004–2005Succeeded by Luka Kovač

References[edit]

^ abVanessa Sibbald (2001). 'Why Sherry Stringfield has returned to `ER''. Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 2019-07-11.

^Kennedy, Dana (1997-10-17). 'Why I left ER, by Sherry Stringfield'. Entertainment Weekly. Retrieved 2007-02-24.

^ abKennedy, Dana (1997-10-17). 'Sherry Stringfield, the Goodbye Girl'. Entertainment Weekly.

^'Sherry Stringfield quits 'ER' Again'. Digital Spy. 2005-08-06. Retrieved 2007-04-12.

^Mickey O'Connor (2009). 'Sherry Stringfield Returning to ER'. TV Guide. Retrieved 2019-07-11.

^'Sherry Stringfield is Back!'. TV Guide. 2009-02-12. Retrieved 2009-02-12.

^'STRINGFIELD YEARNS FOR `NORMAL LIFE''. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. 1996-11-22. Retrieved 2012-03-28.

Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Susan_Lewis&oldid=992148957'

Doug RossFirst appearanceSeptember 19, 1994 (1x01, '24 Hours')Last appearanceMarch 12, 2009 (15x19, 'Old Times')Portrayed byGeorge ClooneyDuration1994–1999, 2000, 2009In-universe informationFull nameDouglas RossNicknameDoug, DougieGenderMaleTitlePediatric Fellow (1994–1998) Pediatric Attending (1998–1999)OccupationPhysician, PediatricianFamilyRay Ross (father; deceased) Sarah Ross (mother)SpouseCarol Hathaway (wife)ChildrenKate Ross (daughter, with Carol) Tess Ross (daughter, with Carol)Born1962[1]

Dr. Douglas 'Doug' Ross is a fictional character from the television series ER, portrayed by George Clooney. George Clooney's removal from the main cast opening credits was in the 16th episode of season 5.

Plot[edit]

Doug Ross was raised by his mother, Sarah, after his father, Ray, abandoned their family. In Season 1, Ross revealed to a patient that he had a son, and he tells nurse Wendy Goldman that he doesn't know his son's name as he's never seen him. Not much else is known about Doug's past. Despite his jumbled personal life, Ross is a dedicated ER pediatrician. He has always been committed to medicine and children and to helping no matter the rules or the consequences. During Season 2, Doug rescued a boy trapped in a flooding storm drain during a rainstorm. His heroic efforts were filmed on local television, making him a media star. This event helped him earn back his job at County, because his supervisor in pediatrics originally wasn't going to renew his fellowship due to his disrespect for authority.

During Season 2, Ray tries to reconcile with Doug, who has difficulty reconnecting with the man who abandoned him and his mother. Ray owns a ritzy hotel in Chicago, and Doug lets his guard down a little but is disappointed when his father offers to take him to a Chicago Bulls game and then stands him up. Ross later reveals that he and his mother were abused by his father. Doug later has an affair with Ray's girlfriend, a woman from whom Ray stole money, but ends the relationship when it becomes clear that she has many problems.

Ross is a womanizer who dates and leaves many women throughout the course of the show. His womanizing days abruptly end after a one-night stand with an epileptic woman who hides her condition and dies in the ER. Ross learns her name only after she dies, after which he stops dating for a while until he gets back together with Carol Hathaway, the head nurse of the ER at County.

Warner Bros. Television, the studio which produces ER for NBC, kept secret from NBC Dr. Ross' cameo in 'Such Sweet Sorrow', which promoted the episode as Carol Hathaway's goodbye, with no mention of Ross' appearance. The original version of 'Such Sweet Sorrow' that Warner Bros. sent to NBC ended after the scene where we see Hathaway on the plane to Seattle. At the eleventh hour, Warner Bros. sent an 'edited' version of the episode by messenger to NBC headquarters in New York for broadcast. NBC was miffed that it was kept in the dark as it could have generated valuable ad revenue if it had aired promos that the episode marked the return of George Clooney. Clooney cited the fans of the show for his reason for making the cameo (he wanted Hathaway's and Ross's characters to get back together, which many fans hoped for). Clooney reportedly only asked to be paid scale for the cameo.

In the season 15 episode 'Old Times,' Ross is working as an attending physician at the University of Washington Medical Center. He is helping a grieving grandmother (Susan Sarandon) whose grandson was gravely injured in a bicycle accident. He talks to Sam and Neela after finding out that they are from County, asking them whether any of his old colleagues still work there. Doug and Carol are responsible for getting the kidney for Carter and a heart for another County patient, but they never discover who receives the organs.

Career[edit]

In the pilot episode, which takes place on St. Patrick's Day 1994, Ross is brought into the ER not long before his shift, to be 'treated' for drunkenness by his longtime friend, Dr. Mark Greene. Throughout the next few seasons, Ross is shown to be compassionate, though not always using the best judgment. His love of children is best seen during darker situations, such as when a child is in danger. When Peter Benton talks about how surgeons deal with emotionally charged cases and ER doctors have it easy, Ross leaves him stunned into silence when describing cases that include a young girl who beat her mother to death, a kid who is going to lose his leg to cancer and another kid who is dying from a life of homelessness. His lack of judgment leads him to assault abusive parents in the ER, but his counseling in that case just consists of the shrink telling him not to do that again.

He is a passionate doctor who puts the welfare of his patients, especially children, above his medical career. In one episode, Dr. Ross saves a young boy who is drowning and is flown in to County General using a news helicopter. This garners him much attention, earns him an award, and saves his job. Ross doesn't handle authority well, even when Mark is his boss. He is a pediatrician, but in several episodes performs medical procedures on adults, usually when the other doctors are busy.

In another episode, he tries to do an ultra-rapid detox on a drug-addicted baby without the mother's consent. Hathaway assists, but when Greene and Weaver discover that the procedure is being done in violation of hospital policy and the law, Doug is punished. He is left on probation for 30 days and is supervised by Dr. Kerry Weaver and Dr. Greene, who have to co-sign his charts. Doug's attitude toward patient treatment often has consequences for his coworkers and supervisors, who have received reprimands from their superiors for Doug's actions.

He vies to be an attending physician for emergency pediatrics. He eventually gets the job, even though doctors Greene and Weaver oppose his promotion because the position isn't necessary and the funds are needed elsewhere. Greene is ultimately happy for Ross, but Weaver is aghast and campaigns against his new position.

He resigns in the aftermath of a scandal in which he shows a mother how to bypass the lockouts on a DilaudidPCA, enabling her to give a lethal dose of medication to her terminally ill son. Ross had earlier stolen Dilaudid from a pain- medication study and given it to the mother, only to be discovered by Weaver and Greene, who reprimand him but kept the incident private. The incident prompts the closure of Hathaway's free clinic in the hospital, since it supplied the PCA to this mother, and Ross faces suspension from work and possible criminal charges. A friend of Ross, who is the Chief of Genetics, stands up for him and the charges against him are dropped, but Ross resigns from the hospital and moves to Seattle. When Ross leaves, he and Hathaway are on poor terms until she discovers that she's pregnant with his twin girls. Her clinic is later re-opened, but she has to report to her former assistant there.

Ross was written out of the series because Clooney wished to focus on his expanding film career. He also said that there wasn't any strong story in place for his character after Season 5.[This quote needs a citation] He appeared at the end of the penultimate episode of season 6, when Carol leaves Cook County to reunite with Ross in Seattle. He was reportedly asked to return briefly in season 8, to make an appearance in Anthony Edwards's last episode during Greene's funeral, but Clooney declined because he did not want his cameo appearance to overshadow the departure of a beloved character on the show.

Clooney returned to ER for its 15th and final season in 2009 in a story arc beginning with Episode 328, titled 'Old Times', with Julianna Margulies also returning as Hathaway. The two are now married and work to help convince a grieving grandmother to donate her grandson's organs. During the process, Doug talks with Neela Rasgotra and learns that nearly everyone he knows has since departed County with Anspaugh being the only one left. At the end of the episode they receive word of the success of their efforts, unaware that the doctor who got the kidney was their old friend John Carter.

Development[edit]

Casting and creation[edit]

George Clooney did not receive a casting call for the television series. He received a draft of the script from a friend; he read it and became interested in the part. He said: 'I like the flaws in this guy. I can play him.'[2]

Neal Baer who worked on ER was inspired by his personal experiences to write storylines for the character of Doug Ross. He did his residency while he was on ER and became a pediatrician, which helped to 'draw on really complicated ethical dilemmas.'[3]

Characterization[edit]

The character was described as 'a complicated children's doctor who could be self-centered quick-tempered and giving, hitting the bottle to avoid dealing with consequences of his actions.'[4]

Reception[edit]

In 2004, Ross was listed in Bravo's 100 Greatest TV Characters.[5]Entertainment Weekly placed Ross in its list of the '30 Great TV Doctors and Nurses'.[6] The character was included in Fox News' list of 'The Best TV Doctors For Surgeon General' and in Philadelphia Magazine's 10 Best Doctors on Television.[7][8] Ross was also listed in Wetpaint's '10 Hottest Male Doctors on TV' and in BuzzFeed's '16 Hottest Doctors On Television'.[9][10] His relationship with Carol Hathaway was included in AOL TV's list of the 'Best TV Couples of All Time' and in the same list by TV Guide.[11][12]

For his work on the series, Clooney received two Emmy Award nominations for Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series in 1995 and 1996.[13][14] He was also nominated for three Golden Globe Awards for Best Actor – Television Series Drama in 1995, 1996, and 1997 (losing to co-star Anthony Edwards).[15][16][17]

References[edit]

^Mimi Leder (director), John Wells (writer) (1996-02-22). 'The Healers'. ER. Season 2. Episode 16. NBC.

^Keenleyside, Sam (April 1998). Bedside Manners: George Clooney and ER. ECW Press. p. 51. ISBN978-1-5502-2336-1.

^Tate, Nick (January 11, 2015). ''ER' Producer Dr. Neal Baer Turns Lens on Poverty, Education Reform'. Newsmax Media. Retrieved August 15, 2015.

^Potts, Kimberly (September 1, 2011). George Clooney: The Last Great Movie Star Revised and Updated Edition. Applause. p. 51. ISBN978-1-5578-3785-1.

^'Bravo > 100 Greatest TV Characters'. Bravo. Archived from the original on July 17, 2007. Retrieved November 11, 2006.

^Wilkinson, Amy (June 15, 2009). 'George Clooney – Paging Dr. Feelgood: 30 Great TV Doctors and Nurses – Photo 12 of 28'. Entertainment Weekly. Time Inc. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The Best TV Doctors For Surgeon General'. Fox News. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Palan, Erica (October 11, 2011). '10 Best Doctors on Television'. Philadelphia Magazine. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Martin, Rebecca (December 21, 2012). 'The 10 Hottest Male Doctors on TV'. Wetpaint. The Cambio Network. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 16 Hottest Doctors On Television'. BuzzFeed. September 28, 2012. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^Potts, Kimberly (February 11, 2008). 'Best TV Couples of All Time'. AOL TV. Aol, Inc. Retrieved September 24, 2012.

^'Couples Pictures, ER Photos - Photo Gallery: The Best TV Couples of All Time'. TV Guide. Retrieved June 25, 2012.

^'Primetime Emmy nominations for 1995 - Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series'. Emmys.com. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'Primetime Emmy nominations for 1996 - Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series'. Emmys.com. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 53rd Annual Golden Globe Awards (1996)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 54th Annual Golden Globe Awards (1997)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Archived from the original on May 21, 2013. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

^'The 54th Annual Golden Globe Awards (1998)'. Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Retrieved January 24, 2013.

Emergency Room

External links[edit]

Bio at TNT.com

Official ER website at NBC.com

Hospital Er Rooms

Retrieved from 'https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Doug_Ross&oldid=991497793'

[bugs1nmybrain]

Chapter 1: The Beginning Stages

Summary: covering topics about my first fictional crushes as a young child (between 2 to 6 years old, or 2005 to 2009 respectively). Also topics about bisexuality and my gender queer identity.

Posted: February 1st, 2025

word count: 2880

Trigger Warning mention: This chapter includes mentions of CSA and trauma. I've posted another alternate chapter that isn't so detailed for people who'd rather not have those details or have trauma histories themselves, because I totally understand. I felt it was important to share this for contextual reasons but it's a serious topic.

From my earliest memories, I remember them being around. It’s very normal to have imaginary friends as children, but you can’t say the same for later childhood, teen years, especially not adulthood. However, imaginary friends is where my romantic interest in fictional characters began. Character obsessions that come to mind from my early toddlerhood to maybe the age of 6 include: Elmo, Woody from Toy Story, Dora, Barnie, Barbie, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Jack Skellington, Victor and Emily from Corpse Bride, and likely many others my brain can’t remember given how young I was. I want to note that some of these characters were not necessarily romantic interests, I was sort of too young to know about that, though there were still some characters I felt an affectionate type of “love” for.

The way my attraction to characters work has a double effect. A part of it is a genuine interest, a hobby-ish, and something I enjoy collecting stuff of and want to watch over and over and see as much content as possible. So your typical nerd obsession.

The other side is a soothing aspect that eventually became romantic as time went on. I used the fictional characters I was interested in as imaginary friends since I knew how to do so, which from my memories starts around age 2 or 3. As an imaginary friend, I can remember Ariel the strongest accompanying me, but I also liked Peter Pan and Barnie from my memory. 

I was born to a single mother who was 16 when I was born. My mother also struggled with her own substance use disorder and traumas. This isn’t used to exactly weaponize my mother, but the way I was raised is important in the topic of fictoromanticism for me, specifically. I spent most of my childhood by myself or surrounded by children I struggled to get along with, so I didn’t have many friends. Looking back on it, because I was raised in an environment involving substance abuse, the other children around me were also battling a lot of tough childhoods and it was definitely why I was bullied so much by them. 

From early childhood I was always friendly in nature. I like to joke around and be silly. I was always extremely imaginative, creative, and I had a lot of dreams. When I was alone with my mother and her romantic partners, I often hid in my room and watched tv and played with my toys, making stories as I did it. That’s a very normal child thing, but because I was alone, bored, and scared so often, the characters did become my first “friends,” and my introduction into how I understood the social world as a kid. 

My mother fought with her boyfriends a lot and sometimes this involved issues surrounding domestic abuse and victimization. There was a lot of yelling, drinking, fighting, drugs, crying, and so forth. That’s not to say there was nothing good about my childhood. The characters are definitely a good thing, and I had fun a lot with random kids that were nice to me along the way and when I had the chance to do once in a lifetime things, such as going to DISNEY WORLD in 2009!!!

It’s complicated for me to explain my experiences with CSA and child abuse/neglect. For much of my childhood, I was a golden child to the adults around me in a way. I was praised for being smart, being talented at art and singing, funny, and tough. I was also a cute kid. I remember adults, particularly adult men, telling me how beautiful I was and that I was “special” to them. I’m unsure with how much details I’m comfortable sharing about these matters, but I’m using this book as a journal somehow, and I’m going to note to readers that this may be very sensitive content for anyone who has been a victim to childhood sexual abuse or childhood abuse and trauma especially. Again, this will be a very vulnerable story, but I think it’s important to mention these details because they played a crucial part in my fictosexuality. 

As a child, even though the adults praised me, there were extra details behind that. I don’t remember my young childhood well, but I remember a very painful feeling of needing to be safe. I didn’t feel safe under my circumstances, especially emotionally. The characters sort of acted as heroes. When the bad wasn’t happening, I had them. Watching the same movie over and over, or drawing them all the time, and then pretending that they were there to talk to me, comfort me, and be my protector. Even when things were hard to cope with, they were supportive and reminded me that somehow there was always some force that was watching my back. Sort of religious, right? 

I’ve covered a lot of serious topics and will still bring them up, but I want to change courses and do a log of the characters I remember from this time and how they impacted my life! Positive and even not so much. These might also be more vague descriptions because of how hazy some memories are:

-

Elmo, Woody from Toy Story, Barnie, and Dora the Explorer:

Characters like Elmo, Woody, Dora, and Barnie were more of what I consider a “friend/pet adjacent” kind of fictional other where there wasn’t much romantic attraction, with a slight acception for Woody (I know there’s others who know this vision, please don’t judge my two-to-three year old brain.) I usually had a lot of merchandise of these characters but they weren’t special beyond that.

Elmo is of my first memories because Sesame Street is popular with toddlers, of course. A pretty basic childhood character interest, but I remember collecting a lot of his toys and finding him adorable. I also dressed up as Elmo for Halloween when I was 2 years old and attempting to imitate.

I remember having a Woody doll that I got from the old Disney store that used to be in the mall in Portland. I carried this thing around with me everywhere and I’d stick his nose in a lot of food XD. I also do recall having a tiny crush on him, or even a kinship of sorts, but I think even in my child mind I knew that him being a toy was too much of a stretch for me (I ended up breaking this logic many times, though). I also remember owning Toy Story 2 but not the first one for some reason, so I saw the second one more often. I also remember liking Jessie quite a lot, as well.

I loved Dora the Explorer! I’ve been a lifelong elementary Spanish learner, lol, and so Dora was the beginning of that. I remember impressing adults because I remembered a lot of Spanish from Dora and I lived in a very white Maine. Dora wasn’t really a crush at all, but I pretended to be friends with her and I had a lot of Dora merchandise. I would get into how female characters influenced my bisexuality, but I think the next contenders are more important to mention for this. I also remember really wanting to watch Go! Diego Go! And have more merchandise from that franchise but I was told I couldn’t because we didn’t have cable and it was a “boys” interest.

Barnie was mostly an obsession because I watched a lot of the show. Cue the cursed Barnie jokes. I also remember there being a specific Barnie tv special, where the doll at the beginning was very creepy to me for some reason, and I was deathly terrified of the damn dvd. These characters were important for me to bring up because while they weren’t romantic in nature, they helped me care about specific characters and use them as friends even if they weren’t the primary providers in this journey.

Ariel<3

To explain the impact The Little Mermaid has had on my brain development is very complex. I grew up singing a lot with my mother, and Disney was the hot spot for fun songs to practice, pretty girls to admire, and beautiful art to look at. I liked most of the Disney princesses, but Ariel was my girl. Even from a young age I thought she was beautiful and a part of me even wanted to mimic her form of femininity, as patriarchal as it certainly was. It was more than admiration, though, because I remember garnering strong feelings of love for her. I believe my Ariel fixation started when I was as young as 2 years old and continued until some childhood (maybe 7 or so).

As a child between 2 to 6 years old, I had no idea that being a lesbian or bisexual was a thing or an option. I knew I loved her, though. I’d imagine scenarios of us holding hands, spending time talking and having fun, and because I experienced inappropriate stuff as a kid, I did imagine inappropriate content with Ariel, too. I only find this important to mention because there’s also the added confusion that bisexuality has played in being fictosexual. She’s the first character I can remember being “in love” with. I think some family members even knew, but my mother and some others were in denial about my attraction to Ariel and women in general, at the time.

It was hard for me to keep how much I loved her a secret, but I played it off like she was just a girl I admired. A “sisterly” bond to those too ignorant to understand. It wasn’t so bad, though, because having a Disney Princess interest was considered normal for little girls and so I could have as much merchandise as I pleased, dress up as her, and draw her. It was a good thing those around me were oblivious, honestly.

Barbie, Jack Skellington

Barbie was similar! The recent Barbie movie was so special to me actually, because I resonated with the movie's message about how this popular character influenced young girls perception of femininity and there place in the world. I’m a thin white woman and was small framed in childhood, so I’ll start on record that Barbie was easy for me to relate to and feel empowered from. But as a girl in society, in general, the idea of Barbie made me feel like I could do anything, though I know the reality of this now. 

Barbie wasn’t as much of a romantic interest, but definitely a character I admired! I watched Barbie the Nutcracker, Fairytopia, Rapunzel, and Mermaidia over and over. I had a lot of second hand Barbies, some new ones, and watched a lot of the movies as they’d release in the 2000s-very early 2010s. I figured she was worth a mention. 

Jack Skellington is important! Not exactly a character I pretended to have relationship with, but I definitely held a kinship to Jack Skellington and The Nightmare Before Christmas paved a special interest for me regarding Tim Burton movies, which is relevant for the next mention (before the “Live, Laugh, Love of Halloween” started and I found out Tim Burton is racist). I watched this movie NIGHTLY in the middle of summer in Florida. 

Kinship is a term I’ll bring up often, so I’ll define it as "the feeling that a fictional character is similar to you, or that you aspire to be more similar to them because of how much you admire them."

Victor and Emily

I wanted to mention these two, because after Nightmare (my shortened jargon for The Nightmare Before Christmas) became my fixation at five-to-six years old, I started being introduced to other Tim Burton movies by my legal father who also liked eerie and creepy media. When I watched Corpse Bride, I fell in love with its darkly inclined aesthetics and I also really liked the two main protagonists a lot. Sometimes I'd pretend as if I was the characters, both of them but more often Emily because I was a “girl,” practicing wedding vows.

Even though this movie was riddled with patriarchal ideals about marriage, I found both characters endearing and attractive, but I was plagued by the fact that Emily is uh. A dead girl, and I knew at heart I was definitely not a necrophiliac, and dealing with bisexuality was already making me feel ashamed of myself, but I liked her personality and what her character represented. A lot of the women I’ve been attracted to have been the “bleeding heart” types with a similar physical appearance.

Victor was interesting because, spoilers, between the ages of 13 and 16 I identified as trans-masc. So when I was young, Victor was attractive, yes, but during these make believe games I’d play I’d feel a sense of gender euphoria from pretending to be a boy. Victor’s gender expression and version of masculinity (*cough cough*emo boy*cough cough*) resonated with me and would influence my gender development later. I think pretending to be him was also an excuse for me to pretend to be with Emily so that I wasn’t “technically” liking a woman, because it was still heterosexual- coded.

So I suppose I should mention that there’s a difference between a fictional other that’s a genuine lover and one that’s more of a hyperfixation of sorts and used in friendship contexts. For me, I also have a subcategory of characters I had a slight romantic interest in, but the “relationship” wasn’t long or impactful enough to be considered to count amongst the particular “canon” of my romantic history.  In a lot of fictoromantic communities, we consider this having “romantic” and “platonic” fictional other’s (also abbreviated to “f/o”). I will highlight the “lovers” with light pink, always, just so there’s no confusion about who is more important to pay attention to than others.

Concluding thoughts: 

I thank anyone who has stuck through this chapter and wishes to continue reading, because I promise this will get a lot more interesting. The early fictional others aren’t as juicy as more recent ones, but I consider Ariel and the Tim Burton characters in particular important to remember when reading this book because, just like real life, the people we love throughout our lives even from our earliest days shape who we are. I’m challenging readers to imagine these characters as real people in my perspective. Even from a young childhood I was incredibly observant about my favorite characters' personalities because they were sort of similar to me, while also being their own special person. I knew how these characters would talk to me because I would try to figure out everything about them, from mannerisms, their past, their likes and dislikes, and mind you these were my goals as a little kid. As I grew older this inept need to empathize with fictional characters became more impactful because the character’s experiences also became more nuanced and mature. Many of these early characters are from children’s cartoons and children were the target audience, while my more modern fictional partners are from animes with questionable content that are more appropriate for teens and older.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this story! I hope it's an educating and enlightening read.

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Regarding Vulcans and autism

Since why the hell not make it a series with recognizable titles that will make it easy to look up and create links for if I ever make enough of them for it to be worth it. Disclaimer: it might be hard to understand what I’m getting at without reading the other posts since this isn’t supposed to be, like, a comprehensive analysis on how one is like the other.

Thing is, as an Aspie woman, I can see perfectly well how Vulcans expressing nothing but neutrality gets twisted in reception and interpreted as smugness/disdain, and autism (or at least Asperger’s, I am sorta more knowledgeable about one than the other) does tend to include self-awareness issues that leads to feelings of superiority and/or inferiority, and with the most recognizably “autistic” (either explicitly or through coding) being the Sheldon Coopers and the BBC Sherlock types, the assumption that anyone like them in some ways will follow in others (heck, might be why pop culture has accepted Holmes as an asshole at all, since he wasn’t that bad in the stories but he WAS smart and eccentric and every once in a while disdaindful of the people whose jobs he did better than them) is not unexpected.

The problem’s not really there because I actually have faith that we could have talked about it and raised awareness of not only this case, but also made people question why seeing a smart(er), seemingly cold but all-around just neutral characters or races made everyone raise their hackles to such a degree, assume that they’re actually mostaken about their skills (literally have seen people go “but what if Vulcans only think they’re some of the best scientists around bc they’re supercilious assholes and it’s just not true”)and wrong about life in general. Don’t get me wrong, I do get the impulse ever since Star Trek (2009), but, well, that’s just the thing, that’s where the problem is. Because we could have talked about it in fandom and be friends about it, but now there are TWO official canon sources that depict the Vulcans as intolerant, xenophobic, racist, ableist hypocrites, and not only is it harder to argue with actual canon telling you that you were right about your worst assumptions, but now you’ve seen them be actually WORSE than you first thougt, and to your faves, and in such a way that none of their positive/redeeming qualities (say, being all of that stuff sorta kinda messes up the whole IDIC thing, but it wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t doing it out out of malice, but out of ignorance and genuine misunderstanding, and if the only members who were shown to be sorta kinda decent weren’t at least partly from a different species (u.s., uh, I mean, us) and/or implied to have been influenced by a different culture) were shown. In fact, those good qualities, such as their pacifism, reverence for life, belief and respect for diversity, their curiosity and constant push for knowledge that probably wouldn’t let them just let a kid fall by the wayside becuase he was dyslexic (“there is no other wisdom, and no hope for us, but that we grow wise”), their deep attachment to their morality that’s even more important to them than to be liked by the other members of the Federation COUGH COUGH AUTISM MUCH COUGH COUGH were the first to be dropped in favour of what’s anathema to all of this, the last one in particular was turned on its head so it wasn’t that they used their logic to arrive to the most compassionate and fair choice, and it had to be logic since emotion would resist a sacrifice in a way logic won’t, making logic the compassionate choice (as they saw it, I don’t think it’s universally true, but also not universaly false), but that they were mich more willing to let people suffer and to look the other way and not be affected at all because, I don’t know, they mistook logic, which is a tool, with efficiency, which is a goal, I’d guess.

They lost the best things about them because freaking J J Abrams decided to make movies about a franchise he didn’t even like and then, even though all of it could have stayed in a parallel universe were, as many have proposed, Vulcans were worse because the Kelvin accident led people to know what Romulans looked like earlier so THEY were worse and everyone was just an asshole to each other, but then Discovery took a leaf out of his book and used his version of Vulcans and even changed old characters to fit this new version better (Sarek doesn’t disagree with Starfleet because of its bellicosity [you can’t even argue that he still disaproves of violence because he spent the worst part of the war following General Cornwell around and idk commiting mind crimes] or because he sees it as a rejection from Spock [since he says he’ll keep his distance because it’s what Spock would want and what the fuck even was that?] and he’s a cold bastard who’d take a child to a completely different culture than the one she’s used to purely for superficial beliefs and even then he’ll still prioritize his more Vulcan son, Amanda doesn’t think Vulcan’s is a hard but better way [and honestly she wouldn’t be justified to] so since she can’t be staying because of her children since they’re being mistreated, she must be doing it because of Sarek which is just so feminist, you guys, and ok, I better change topics before this becomes an “everything that’s wrong about Disco with a sidenote of everything that’s not objectively wrong but I still didn’t like”, but also, Vulcan brains can literally lobotomize themselves while dealing with trauma, don’t you think they’d take mental health seriously?) so now it’s canon in the original universe, too. Even with Enterprise (which, to be honest, I haven’t watched, I’ve only learned what was going on with Vulcans from Memory Alpha and the recounting might hace left events and/or the essence and implications of the plotline out), the tomfoolery was supposed to be Romulans infiltrating the government and twisting Surak’s teachings, all of this is supposed to be how things vecame after they got his katra back and went through the Reform.

And this got long, but the thing is: it’s not just about the Vulcans. It’s about the fact that some of the worst assumptions made about them were recognizable at least by this one Aspie as, among other things, a neurotypical’s response to an autistic trait and a long history of negative autistic coding, and now they’ve been confirmed by canon, so instead of having a nice discussion and maybe a bit of disk horse about this, we’ve gotta deal with the fact that now some people feel legitimally repelled by and resentful of Vulcans (insofar as any emotion applies to fiction) because they are now the bigots and oppressors - now it’s not a one episode race of black&white and white&black people ridiculously pointing at the obvious differences between each other, but Vulcans who have said and done bigoted things many people have been exposed to during their lives, and if they were ever willing to give them, and by extension us, a chance, now it’s ruined. I am not, of course, saying that if you hate Vulcans, especially now, you’re ableist, or that making them the Asshole^tm will turn people ableist. Just that it would have been nice to see people like me who didn’t end up justifiably despised.*

*Especially through character assassination, couldn’t you have at least made them unlikeable from the start?