#i still can't believe i really get to be in love sometimes

[magnificent-buckless-butt]

Wait. Seriously, hold on. This post is hunting me right now because I think I can finally put my fingers on why USA Christianity is weirding me out since the beginning.

As an European, it baffles me how much of the population identify as Christians while acting and saying things like they've never read the Bible in the first place. Except they did, in some extant, because they're the one that quote it so often (we don't do that here, we might refer to a specific part but don't really quote the Bible?). So why, why do they act as if they never read love your neighbor, give the other cheek, Father forgive them etc.?

Because they want to be warriors actually. They want a wrathful God. And there is God's anger in the Bible, there is the wrath of God that must appealed and you must always feel guilty and ask for forgiveness*. But comes Jesus and what he says is basically 'no more'. No more wrath, no more anger, no more warriors. But humans love raging war.

And we fucking did throughout the whole history of Christians actually. You start by saying you're a warrior of Christ, that your virtue is your sword, your faith is your shield and so one. It's nice: you're being a good believer AND you get to have this badass, very virilis imagery of the warrior. But! If you're lucky enough, you'll even have a real war against some "pagans" (really, you don't have to worry about the specifics) and then! Ouh boy, you get to be a real warrior. Everything is perfect.

Which brings us to: why are these people not changing faith/God? Pick another, more angry God/deity or simply go with a "personal faith away from human's restricting religion". Answer: because it's so fucking hard. I'm studying theology so hard and sometimes it happens that I find Catholicism restricting, too verbose or too specific. Except I can't just ditch "my" religion. (To be fair, I also really don't want to because I decided to fight from the heart of the Church but that's another subject. Oh, and notice how I used fight --even I can't refrain from the manly warrior)

Okay, so what do we do? Well I say, we piss them off. And we do so by celebrating the fucking amazingness that is God made human just to fucking die. Jesus never won by any human standards. He was the ultimate loser. And ain't that absolutely beautiful? And humbling? How can you hate the Mexican who takes your job if God tell you to wash his feet as if you're below him? How can you decide who deserves right if you God tell you that you should strip yourself for a random stranger? I say we fight back by being unapologetically happy that God died for us. Not guilty. Happy. It's so, so beautiful that They love us so much and only want us to replicate a fraction of Their love to everyone we encounter. That we have to make ourselves a bit uncomfortable so a stranger can be a whole lot comfortable. That we have to renounce privileges and luxury so all human beings can have the exact same things and opportunities. That it is shameful to try to be better than anyone else. That it is shameful to try to be successful on our own because we're supposed to uplift everyone else before ourselves. That it is shameful not to be empathetic, vulnerable, open about our weaknesses etc.

So anyway, thanks OP because now I'm even more filled with spite that will fuels my love so I can spite their hatred.

*okay side note since you're still here: this is why in the first centuries, there was a heretic branch of Christianity very adamant on separating the Old testament God to the new gospel God.

[giddyfatherchris]

Hi there, I was wondering what bangchan would be like dating a bookworm? Like would he like being read to? or he enjoys listening about the stories you've read.

hii!

oooh this is one is so good!!! 🎀 as a bookworm myself i have thooooughts on this and i feel like chan would absolutely love being with someone who’s book obsessed…

‧ ୨୧ ‧ since he's a busy guy who is always focused on work, new ideas and projects i think he would love for you to read close to him. the kind of thing where you're both doing your own stuff but close to one another. when working at home he would def text you or come and pout about you needing to come read next to him while he's working. he would tuck you in a blanket, make sure you're all comfortable and give you a quick kiss before going back to his own thing. he would also love to take little breaks and come sit next to you so you can tell him all about the book you're reading. he would love to see your eyes light up with excitment and get in your own little world as you tell him everything about it.

‧ ୨୧ ‧ i think the reading to him thing would come later, kind of as a surprise that this is something he actually enjoy and can even be beneficial for him. it would probably happen when his insomnia is acting up and it's 3:00am and sleep is not an option to him. you'd find him on the couch, working on his computer, sleep bags under his eyes. ofc he would try to get you back to bed and apologize for waking you up but no no you wouldn't want to hear it because poor baby:( insomnia is a really lonely sleep disorder. so no leaving him alone. you would come back with blankets, your glasses and a book in hand. "sometimes when i can't sleep i pick up my book and it helps me... so i thought it might work for you too." he would smile very big and wide and pull you closer "that's very sweet babe but i'm afraid i'm not that much of a reader" "i know, that's why i'm going to read it to you. i picked that book i told you about and you seemed to like." then, because he is a big ol' softy his heart would squeeze and tighten in his chest at this pure demonstration of love. you would cuddle real close with him laying between your legs, head resting on your chest. he'd pull the blankets up close and settle in to listen to the soothing sound of your voice until the next thing he knows... it's 10am and you're both still on the couch, book on your chest, your glasses askew on your nose and he wouldn't believe it worked and he fell asleep!! he would wake you up with lots of kisses and silly grins because he. fell. asleep. !!! he'd call you a magician and cook you breakfast to thank you :3 i think it would then become a tradition for the two of you and he’d even start listening to audiobooks because ofc he doesn’t want you awake every night to read him books!! (even though he frickin loves it)

all in all, i think chan would loooove having a bookworm partner :3

(pictures are not mine. credit to the owner!)

[wlwsoccerfics]

This was not the plan (Lena OberdorfxSchüllerReader

Summary: you and Lena really wanted to tell Lea about your relationship but things don't go as planned.

Warnings: mentions of minor s*xual activity, small argument, swearing

You and Lena have been together for 3 months now. No one knew. You planned on telling people. Especially Lea. Your older sister who also happens to be Lenas best friend. But there was never the right time. The universe has funny ways of outing people though so she was about to find out soon. And it was totally not the way you or Obi would have chosen.

Lea and Lena were rooming together again at national Camp while you were rooming with Jule. She was your best friend & one of Lenas best friends. So the fact that you & her didn't even tell Jule about the relationship was making the two of you feel quite guilty sometimes. So your plan was to tell them in the next few weeks of camp.

The Team was currently having lunch downstairs while you and Obi said that you wanted to nap. It was obviously not the case. You two just wanted some time as a couple. It was day 3 of camp so you knew how long the others usually took to eat lunch so you had around 45 minutes to yourself. You just had to skip two doors down the corridor to get to Lenas room. Which was quickly done and you didn't even have the chance to open the door before your girlfriend managed to do that for you and pull you inside the room and into her arms. Kicking the door Close with her foot. She picked you up as the two of you kissed and carried you to the bed. "Finally some alone time!" you said in between kisses. "Let's make the most out of it. " Lena replied and laid down on top of you. The kiss deepened and her hands slipping under your shirt. "Take it off, Babe!" You whimpered out. You sat up a bit with her still on top of you. The brunette quickly removed your shirt and threw it on the floor.

You two shared lots of passionate kisses until you heard some voices. "What the f*ck!" Lea yelled out. You and Lena jump apart and you quickly put your shirt back on. "I can't believe this!" Jule said, clearly in shock. "Lea, Jule, we can explain!" Lena stated. "How you gonna explain to me that you are screwing my Little Sister behind my back?!" Lea asked. Clearly angry at her best friend. "We didn't mean to keep this a secret for so long but we wanted to find out what this is between us without anyone knowing!" You explained. "Well how long is this been going on and what is this?!" Lea asked. "Good question!" Jule answered. It was obvious that she was more hurt about you two not telling her about this. Lea on the other hand was furious. "We love eachother! And we have been together for 3 months!" You told them. "And it's really serious! Lea i love your sister! I apologize to both of you! This was not what we wanted! No one was supposed to be getting hurt or anything like that!" Lena explained. Thankfully after a few minutes you were able to defuse the situation a little.

You sat on Lena's bed next to her while Lea and Jule sat on Lea's bed. "So this really isn't just about...s*x?" Lea asked. You took Lenas hand and squeezed it gently. Looking over at your sister & Jule. "No this Is real, i love her." You answered, smiling softly. "Your sister is the best. I Love her with all of my heart! And the two of us promise to not keep important information from you Guys!" Lena replied. Smiling just as much. "I am happy for you! For both of you!" Jule told you. Which you appreciated. The talk ended in a group hug and then you went to tell the rest of the team about you being together.

Around 5 months later she proposed to you and you said yes. Which you told Jule and Lea about. But they knew about the proposal before you did because she asked your parents, Lea and Jule for their blessings since they are the most important people in your Life, apart from her of course. The Wedding was 4 months after that and you couldn't be happier. Life was amazing.

[thechy-fychannel]

Giigling about what if Hilson only kept their relationship secret at the hospital. Outside they are lovey-dove grossness and stuff but in princeton-plainsboro they are best friends worsties. Only hr (and by extension, Cuddy) knows. Its cause of homophobic patients (house won't get to do his mad scientist experiments otherwise) and that its a puzzle that keeps house entertained.

Idk if they do comitment at all but i like to think they wear matching ring on chain or other necklace material :)

also giggling about this !! I am a huge fan of the trope of no one at the hospital knowing that they're actually married (or domestic life partners bc gay marriage wasn't legal in NJ until 2013 boooo 👎) it's honestly one of my favorite silly lil headcanons for them.

The running joke about wilson being divorced 3 times actually stems from house joking about their own breakups. they've had some really bad breakups that they consider "divorces" bc if they had been legally married, they would've divorced and remarried each other like 3 times. honestly house made the joke at work one day abt wilson being a three time divorcee and everyone just assumed that he'd been married to 3 different women. they let everyone believe that since they didn't want to come out at work anyways.

he's only been legally married once, which was to sam and has been with house on and off (but mostly on) ever since they met. I can even see house still being with stacy for a while, but that was during one of their "divorce" eras. they "divorced" sometime in the late 90s, wilson got with bonnie pretty much immediately after in order to hide his pain from breaking up with house. house got with stacy sometime not long after, then the infarction happened and stacy left. wilson pretty much immediately dumped bonnie so he could get back with house and take care of him. julie never actually existed, that's just the name they use when wilson is complaining about his "wife" to others bc he can't call house his husband. this is why we never actually see julie, she never existed.

they "divorce" again during the tritter era, and then wilson meets amber. a series of very unfortunate events occur and then hilson gets back together during Birthmarks and that's the last time they "divorce" and get back together. each time they get back together, they have a cute lil unofficial ceremony somewhere where they renew their vows and exchange the same rings they've been wearing since the 90s bc it can't be a divorce without a wedding alfjalfk.

ppl see them fight at work all the time and they make their jokes abt how they're probably sleeping together or at least they want to, but it's all really jokes bc ppl assume they're both straight. but really the fighting is absolutely just foreplay and then they go home together and have the nastiest sex imaginable and then cuddle after and are sooo lovey-dovey to each other. I love the idea of them allowing themselves to be soft and loving with each other outside of work. They're both romantics, especially house, they just show it in their own ways. like house lovesss to send wilson flowers pretending to be a secret admirer (further perpetuating the idea that wilson sleeps around with lots of women) but wilson always knows they're from his hubby.

the only other person from work who ends up finding out is thirteen (and amber knew about them before she 💀) and that's bc gay recognizes gay. she never ever ever tells a soul that she knows, but when house picks her up from prison and they are in that lil motel or whatever eating the rhubarb pies, she overhears house on the phone with wilson being so sweet, telling him that he loves him, that they'll be home in a couple of days and he misses him. house didn't realize she was within earshot and he gets all mad and flustered abt it, but thirteen opens up to him abt her brother and what she did. it's a rly sweet moment that allows them both to be open and vulnerable with each other and house tells her all about his relationship with wilson. after that, she occasionally gets invited over to their place for dinner or on holidays when she doesn't want to go home. she gets to witness them outside of work first hand, watching them cook together, house making a mess and wilson yells at him, house yells back, and then suddenly they're laughing and kissing in the kitchen, happier than she's ever seen them before. she would never ever out them and they know that. when she sees them together, she understands why they wouldn't want anyone else to know bc they have something so real and sweet and special, they want to keep it safe for as long as possible.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

VERY LONG SUBMISSION SORRY I HAVE A LOT TO SAY

SELF DIAGNOSED "I'M SO NICE" NPD CULTURE IS. LITERALLY ALWAYS KNOWING YOU HAD SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. BUT SOCIETY HAS SPOONFED YOU THE PROPAGANDISTIC IDEALS OF NARC DEMONISATION SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE FRESH OUT THE WOMB, SO EVEN THOUGH YOU PERSONALLY BELIEVED YOU DIDN'T DEMONISE NPD, YOU NEVER ONCE CONSIDERED HAVING IT BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS TOLD YOURSELF "I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE NPD, I'M WAY TOO NICE FOR THAT!"

BUT YOU STILL KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU. CLUSTER B PERSONALITY DISORDER SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

"HEY WAIT, I SEEM TO RELATE TO BPD EXPERIENCES!!! THIS IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!"

IT WAS NOT BPD. THE THINGS I FOUND RELATABLE WERE JUST GENERAL CLUSTER B SYMPTOMS OR EXPLAINABLE BY SOMETHING ELSE.

SEVERE IDENTITY ISSUES? JUST NPD.

HAVING A FP AND PLACING YOUR SELF WORTH AND EMOTIONAL STATE IN THEM? ANY PERSONALITY DISORDER CAN HAVE A FP.

SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS? IT'S PROBABLY NPD WHEN I'M MET WITH DIRECT CRITICISM / RUDENESS / AND I FEEL INSANELY OFFENDED OR ATTACKED AND INSTINCTIVELY AND UNCONTROLLABLY GET SUPER DEFENSIVE AND COMBATIVE AND GRASP AT ANYTHING I CAN TO "GET BACK" AT THEM TO COPE WITH FEELING LIKE I JUST GOT FUCKING STABBED IN THE CHEST

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT? CHILDHOOD UPBRINGING + TRAUMA LOL ALSO IT CRUSHES MY EGO BADLY THAT PEOPLE FIND ME SO INSUFFERABLE THAT THEY NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN SO LOWKEY NPD TOO

SUICIDAL THREATS? UMM OK SO THIS IS AN ENTIRE STORYTIME FOR ANOTHER SUBMISSION SO JUST. GO FIND IT FROM MY ANON SIGNOFF TAG IF YOU'RE CURIOUS. TLDR I WAS 10 AND PLAYING ROYALE HIGH 💀

BLACK AND WHITE THINKING? AUTISM. OR POSSIBLY NPD

"WOW, I FEEL LIKE I RELATE A LOT TO HPD SYMPTOMS!!!! I MUST HAVE BOTH BPD AND HPD!"

HPD IS BARELY TALKED ABOUT EVEN IN PD SPACES, THE DSM CRITERIA FOR IT IS VAGUE AND UNSPECIFIC AND WACKY MAKING IT DIFFICULT TO ACCURATELY SELF DIAGNOSE IT (OR EVEN ACCURATELY DIAGNOSE IT IN GENERAL), AND ALL OF MY HPD SYMPTOMS CAN BE EXPLAINED BY SOMETHING ELSE.

UNSTABLE EMOTIONS? LITERALLY JUST CLUSTER B AND AUTISM.

ATTENTION SEEKING + TWEAKING WHEN NO ATTENTION? MOSTLY JUST NPD, BUT COULD ALSO BE SOMEWHAT CATALYSTED BY MY INSANELY EXTROVERTED, OUTGOING AND SOCIALLY DEPENDENT PERSONALITY.

DRAMATIC BEHAVIOUR? I HAVE MANY OUTBURSTS OR EPISODES OF LOSING MY SHIT BECAUSE OF A COMBINATION OF TRAUMA, AUTISM, AND JUST BEING CLUSTER B.

EXAGGERATED AND OVER-THE-TOP PERSONA? THAT IS LITERALLY JUST THE ARTIFICIAL PERSONA I MOLDED MYSELF INTO BECAUSE MY NPD THOUGHT IT'D MAKE EVERYONE LOVE ME BUT MY NPD SWEARS THIS IS THE REAL ME EVEN THOUGH I'M JUST FABRICATING MY PERSONALITY TO BE CLOSER TO THE IDEALISED ME I HAVE IN MY HEAD.

HAVING "STRONG OPINIONS" THAT ARE MALLEABLE AND DEPENDENT ON THOSE AROUND ME? PROBABLY A COMBINATION OF BEING AN FE DOMINANT IN TYPOLOGY (THIS MEANS MY MORALS AND DECISIONS ARE BASED ON HOW SOMETHING AFFECTS OTHERS) AND BEING LOW EMPATHY + COMPASSION (SOMETIMES I CAN'T UNDERSTAND OR CARE FOR HOW SOMETHING WILL AFFECT OTHERS, BUT I TRY AND GUESS / ASSUME WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS ANYWAYS BECAUSE I'M A GOOD PERSON) *SORRY FOR THE TYPOLOGY MENTION IN A PSYCHOLOGICAL CONTEXT I THINK MANY PEOPLE FUCKING HATE THAT IN PSYCHOLOGY/MENTAL HEALTH SPACES I DON'T TREAT IT LIKE ASTROLOGY OKAY? 😭 I JUST THINK IT'S A GREAT TOOL TO EXPLAIN AND CATEGORISE THE ASPECTS OF YOUR PERSONALITY UNRELATED TO MENTAL ILLNESS OR TRAUMA SINCE EVERY TYPOLOGY SYSTEM IS UNIQUE

THE HPD SELF DIAGNOSIS WAS ON A WHIM BTW I WAS REALLY STUPID ABOUT THAT .. ☹️ I HEARD "PDS ARE VERY COMMONLY COMORBID" AND I TOOK THAT AND JUST DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH WHATEVER I FOUND SLIGHTLY RELATABLE. I SAW A VID OF SOMEONE WITH HPD TALKING ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE + THEY MENTIONED SOMETHING LIKE "WE HAVE A GOD COMPLEX BUT WE HATE OURSELVES AT THE SAME TIME" WHICH HELPED ME COME TO TERMS WITH MY EGO AND GRANDIOSITY (WHILE STILL THINKING IT WAS BPD AND HPD), SO I SELF DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH NPD TOO . WHILE ONLY DOING THE BARE MINIMUM OF RESEARCH 😟 LIKE OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T THINK NPD WAS Symptoms: Kills people, eats babies, manipulates everyone, takes over the world, is ONLY CAPABLE of feeling EVIL and can NEVER be kind EVER, CAUSE I WAS CONSCIOUSLY ACCEPTING OF PWNPD EVEN THOUGH I HAD SOME DEMONISATION STILL SUBCONSCIOUSLY INTERNALISED BECAUSE OF WHAT SOCIETY SPOONFEEDS US + ABSOLUTELY NOBODY IS 100% FREE OF AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT OF SUBCONSCIOUS INTERNALISED BIGOTRY BUT I BASICALLY HAD JUST JUMPED THE GUN

AFTER A WHILE I LOWKEY REALISED THAT BPD AND HPD DID NOT SEEM TO FIT ME . AND I UNDIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH NPD TOO CAUSE THE TWO MISDIAGNOSES MADE ME ASSUME I DIDN'T HAVE A PD AT ALL. SO I HAD A SHORT PERIOD OF "DAMN I GUESS I DON'T HAVE ANY DISORDERS THAT EXPLAIN WHY I'M SO FUCKED UP AND INSANE AND MENTALLY UNWELL"

BEFORE I FOUND OUT MY FP HAD NPD. AND I WAS LIKE "WAIT, REALLY? BUT THEY'RE SO NICE TO ME... HONESTLY, IT MAKES SENSE". AND THAT MOTIVATED ME TO ACTUALLY DO RESEARCH ON NPD BECAUSE THIS TOLD ME I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT ENOUGH. I WANTED TO UNDERSTAND THEM.

THAT WAS BASICALLY HOW I STARTED TO REALISE I HAD NPD. I TRIED DENYING A LOT OF CORRELATIONS . AND I NEVER SUSPECTED I HAD NPD FOR YEARS BECAUSE THE COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS HAD NORMALISED SO MANY THINGS TO ME + I QUITE UNSUCCESSFULLY TRIED BOTTLING UP THINGS I THOUGHT WERE MEAN (WHICH BASICALLY MADE ME BELIEVE I'M SECRETLY AN AWFUL PERSON AND NOBODY KNOWS IT) . I THOUGHT MY GRANDIOSE FANTASIES WERE NORMAL UNTIL I WAS LIKE 15. I THOUGHT NEVER BEING ABLE TO COMPREHEND YOU'RE IN THE WRONG BUT PRETENDING YOU DO AND APOLOGISING TO "DO THE RIGHT THING" WAS NORMAL. I THOUGHT MY LEVEL OF EMPATHY WAS NORMAL. I THOUGHT MY JEALOUSY AND ENVY WERE NNORMAL. I NEVER WORDED MY THOUGHTS OF CONTEMPT AND SUPERIORITY TO OTHERS IN A WAY THAT WAS LIKE "HEH... YOU'RE SO PATHETIC.... I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU" IT WAS MORE LIKE "LOL I'M _ AND THEY'RE NOT" SO IT WASN'T OBVIOUS TO ME THAT THIS WASN'T NORMAL . BUT WHEN I DID WORD IT THAT WAY, I DIDN'T THINK I WAS A NARC I JUST THOUGHT I WAS SECRETLY AN ASSHOLE 😭 I SERIOUSLY NEVER THOUGHT MY KINDNESS HAD SELFISH INTENTIONS I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL TO ONLY BE NICE FOR PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU ┛◠ ┛ ANYWAYS IT'S 2025 AND I AM NO LONGER BLINDED BY BIAS OR DELUSION COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT MY PROBLEM IS NPD!!!!!!!!! AND LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE I THINK . I AM 16 AND GONNA "TRY TO GET DIAGNOSED" SOON (NOT GOING TO EVER SAY "I THINK I HAVE NPD". I'M GONNA SPECIFICALLY MENTION ALL MY NARC TRAITS TO MY THERAPIST AND WORD THEM IN A VERY TEXTBOOK NPD WAY WITHOUT EVER LYING I'M JUST GOING OUT OF MY WAY TO TELL THE TRUTH AND WORDING IT IN A STEREOTYPICAL NPD WAY)

THX 4 READING I LOAV U (^з^)-☆Chu!!

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

[pt: very long submission sorry i have a lot to say

self diagnosed "i'm so nice" npd culture is. literally always knowing you had something wrong with you. but society has spoonfed you the propagandistic ideals of narc demonisation since the day you were fresh out the womb, so even though you personally believed you didn't demonise npd, you never once considered having it because you always told yourself "i definitely don't have npd, i'm way too nice for that!"

but you still knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with you. cluster b personality disorder sounds about right.

"hey wait, i seem to relate to bpd experiences!!! this is what's wrong with me!"

it was not bpd. the things i found relatable were just general cluster b symptoms or explainable by something else.

severe identity issues? just npd.

having a fp and placing your self worth and emotional state in them? any personality disorder can have a fp.

sudden mood swings? it's probably npd when i'm met with direct criticism / rudeness / and i feel insanely offended or attacked and instinctively and uncontrollably get super defensive and combative and grasp at anything i can to "get back" at them to cope with feeling like i just got fucking stabbed in the chest

fear of abandonment? childhood upbringing + trauma lol also it crushes my ego badly that people find me so insufferable that they never want to talk to me again so lowkey npd too

suicidal threats? umm ok so this is an entire storytime for another submission so just. go find it from my anon signoff tag if you're curious. tldr i was 10 and playing royale high 💀

black and white thinking? autism. or possibly npd

"wow, i feel like i relate a lot to hpd symptoms!!!! i must have both bpd and hpd!"

hpd is barely talked about even in pd spaces, the dsm criteria for it is vague and unspecific and wacky making it difficult to accurately self diagnose it (or even accurately diagnose it in general), and all of my hpd symptoms can be explained by something else.

unstable emotions? literally just cluster b and autism.

attention seeking + tweaking when no attention? mostly just npd, but could also be somewhat catalysted by my insanely extroverted, outgoing and socially dependent personality.

dramatic behaviour? i have many outbursts or episodes of losing my shit because of a combination of trauma, autism, and just being cluster b.

exaggerated and over-the-top persona? that is literally just the artificial persona i molded myself into because my npd thought it'd make everyone love me but my npd swears this is the real me even though i'm just fabricating my personality to be closer to the idealised me i have in my head.

having "strong opinions" that are malleable and dependent on those around me? probably a combination of being an fe dominant in typology (this means my morals and decisions are based on how something affects others) and being low empathy + compassion (sometimes i can't understand or care for how something will affect others, but i try and guess / assume what the right thing to do is anyways because i'm a good person) *sorry for the typology mention in a psychological context i think many people fucking hate that in psychology/mental health spaces i don't treat it like astrology okay? 😭 i just think it's a great tool to explain and categorise the aspects of your personality unrelated to mental illness or trauma since every typology system is unique

the hpd self diagnosis was on a whim btw i was really stupid about that .. ☹️ i heard "pds are very commonly comorbid" and i took that and just diagnosed myself with whatever i found slightly relatable. i saw a vid of someone with hpd talking about their experience + they mentioned something like "we have a god complex but we hate ourselves at the same time" which helped me come to terms with my ego and grandiosity (while still thinking it was bpd and hpd), so i self diagnosed myself with npd too . while only doing the bare minimum of research 😟 like obviously i didn't think npd was symptoms: kills people, eats babies, manipulates everyone, takes over the world, is only capable of feeling evil and can never be kind ever, cause i was consciously accepting of pwnpd even though i had some demonisation still subconsciously internalised because of what society spoonfeeds us + absolutely nobody is 100% free of at least a little bit of subconscious internalised bigotry but i basically had just jumped the gun

after a while i lowkey realised that bpd and hpd did not seem to fit me . and i undiagnosed myself with npd too cause the two misdiagnoses made me assume i didn't have a pd at all. so i had a short period of "damn i guess i don't have any disorders that explain why i'm so fucked up and insane and mentally unwell"

before i found out my fp had npd. and i was like "wait, really? but they're so nice to me… honestly, it makes sense". and that motivated me to actually do research on npd because this told me i didn't understand it enough. i wanted to understand them.

that was basically how i started to realise i had npd. i tried denying a lot of correlations . and i never suspected i had npd for years because the cognitive distortions had normalised so many things to me + i quite unsuccessfully tried bottling up things i thought were mean (which basically made me believe i'm secretly an awful person and nobody knows it) . i thought my grandiose fantasies were normal until i was like 15. i thought never being able to comprehend you're in the wrong but pretending you do and apologising to "do the right thing" was normal. i thought my level of empathy was normal. i thought my jealousy and envy were nnormal. i never worded my thoughts of contempt and superiority to others in a way that was like "heh… you're so pathetic…. i'm so much better than you" it was more like "lol i'm _ and they're not" so it wasn't obvious to me that this wasn't normal . but when i did word it that way, i didn't think i was a narc i just thought i was secretly an asshole 😭 i seriously never thought my kindness had selfish intentions i thought it was normal to only be nice for people to like you ┛◠ ┛ anyways it's 2025 and i am no longer blinded by bias or delusion cognitive distortions and i know for a fact that my problem is npd!!!!!!!!! and literally nothing else i think . i am 16 and gonna "try to get diagnosed" soon (not going to ever say "i think i have npd". i'm gonna specifically mention all my narc traits to my therapist and word them in a very textbook npd way without ever lying i'm just going out of my way to tell the truth and wording it in a stereotypical npd way)

thx 4 reading i loav u (^з^)-☆chu!!]

[idliketobeatree]

@dont-offend-the-bees okay my darling first of all

AND SECOND OF ALL. i am gobsmacked by your commentary, thank you for taking the time to write these tags despite the cold sickly weather day!! you picked up on so many things i usually only hope people will find, and it feels like the biggest prize that you scored so many!!

(we both agree on charles in the middle supremacy <3)

and the way you described their individual voices!! excuse me! plucked them out of my brain but better! absolutely brills detail cought that you can technically read them as separate and they will make sense, but you feel there's something lacking all the same, waiting on the sidelines, and that only when they're together there is true harmony.

i hope you don't mind me turning this reblog for the director's cut for the poem!!

so here are my scattered thoughts:

starting out, i had to think about how each character would feel about their developed relationship. how it makes their life more rich? what would change about their self-perception? what can they take for themselves?

trying to breach the gap between magical and time-suspended in centuries cat king, and quite young in terms of their afterlife edwin and charles. especially charles.

charles in the middle, because this is an equilateral triangle, not a love corner around edwin; not payneland + ck, not catwin + charles. nothing wrong with those! just not the vibes i wanted

the most challenging part is not even the melding, but balancing between (what i imagine to be) their inner voice and actual poetic phrases. i don't want to feel restrained by their vocabulary, but sometimes finding the sweet middleground means you need to take down a notch of poetics for their voices to be still believable.

charles finding the strength within himself to heal-- with their combined power and support. he always includes himself in the picture. "six arms to form / all the goo inside of me" or "three dimensional beings": he recognises himself as part of the trio and he knows he doesn't have to do this alone

there's a wondrous, analysing part of edwin's brain that's somehow pleasantly surprised by this situation; he can't help but wonder what he'd be missing out on.

this poem is basically a playground. i've shown you four games these kids like to play, and they're bound by rules, but there are about ten more hidden mini-games in there. for example:

hurray! you can pick and pluck the lines from each individual poem to make new meanings! i underlined just four options.

charles' poem makes similar sense, but takes on different personal priorities if you read it from the bottom to the top

AND technically you CAN pair them up, the poems. edwin's and charles' work together well. so do charles' and tck's. it's vital for them to have a dialogue, the partnership wouldn't last otherwise.

edwin's and tck strong connection is implied, but they're on opposite sides for a reason. tck already feels a bit on cloud nine about the whole arrangement and i feel like. charles grounds him? keeps him from seeing god in edwin's eyes, you know?

THE STRUCTURE: a bit silly, but it does looks like charles is reaching out to both of them. i'm emotional about it.

AND ALSO. the closest they ever get during the line "the moment of crowning / clarity on where you stand, double-adored / a chance i never stood", because it's REALLY something that brings them together. you can't argue with that. ghostcat to me only works if all puzzle pieces fall into place, there is clear communication, there is love from all sides, the humbling and mortifying realisation that you can't be loved and protect yourself at the same time-- and in order to do that, you must get uncomfortably close.

i think that's it! thanks for reading to the end, and see you in the next poems <3

dead boy detectives contrapuntal poems — 4 — (1) (2) (3) for @dont-offend-the-bees, @dear-monday and @tw0-ravens <3

(click for better quality ✳️)

[bluemerald3685]

do you ever just find a song that makes your heart feel 100 lbs heavier but in the best way?

[egophiliac]

LEON

LEON YOUR EYEBALLS

[jazzy-a]

Seeing fanart/fiction of Alastor as an asexual: Okay.

Seeing fanart/fiction of Alastor as gay/demi/straight/pan/etc: Okay.

Seeing fanart/fiction of Alastor with OOC traits: Not really his style, but okay.

Seeing fanart/fiction of Alastor frowning: You SICK piece of sh!t. What is this!? Impossible! No! Never! Wash this blood from your hands, Lady Macbeth, and pray for your sins!

[kundaquarius]

Thank you for the tag loves @rosesandpearlss @yeullove 🤍

It's so crazy that of all the ongoing books I'm reading only two of them are the ones I really want to read quickly when there's an update, the others I either wait for the first Diamond Rush or it can be two DR's later and then I read them. Also 7B being here??? Hahahaha I love that book!

HSR: I don't want to fall into the group that reads it because it's the most popular, but I really think that of all the new books, it's the one with the best story development, and even though it bears the punishment of belonging to another story, it doesn't need it to shine (equally HS was shit so it couldn't save HSR's ass either). I like the characters, the plot, the settings, etc. Some things can be improved? Sure, but I'm not complaining at all. It could have been worse.

ATHWTU: The story is fascinating, as long as there is mystery, weirdness and paranormal, I will be there. Sometimes I get fed up with all the angels and demons stuff, so I'm thankful this book doesn't fall into the same old same old to give us some decent horror.

7B: Are you surprised? Don't worry, I am too. I can't believe 7B is one of my favourites, believe me it's worth reading. We don't have to go to a remote village or a fictional world to have drama, death and so on. I think 7B works excellent this in modernity, if people complain about the parties or Gossip Girl style, who are you kidding even your mother watched Gossip Girl, stop hating for the sake of hating. 7B is great.

Special mentions for KFOS, SOTCN, WTC and ABH.

KFOS and SOTCN were among my favourites, even with all their cultural ups and downs, but they both made exactly the same mistake, screwing up halfway through the book and losing all the enthusiasm I once felt for them. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy reading them, but only after I've finished the ones that I really like.

WTC, I think I lost the initial flame after we chose Nova's side, it's like now all that adrenaline for not being discovered died, and I only read it to see her pretty face and Shen and to see the church fall because death to the church. But it's not with the same enthusiasm.

ABH, one of my favourites of the least favourites, I'm sick of HS and his shadow honestly, but I think ABH does well staying out of the way of what it takes to follow in the footsteps of a previous book, it doesn't quite grab me like the favourites but it's still better than others.

And finally Soulless, I started reading it for fun, and honestly, I don't like it at all xD I mean, I don't hate it but it's been updated or two I think, and I still haven't read it, I'm sorry, I try, but I find it super boring, I read it literally when I have absolutely nothing else to do in my day.

Tagging @ferrerochase @a-cloud-for-dreams @dmitryswifey @fates-castiel @heavenly-requiem @heavens-secret @innerstorydunker @malachor5 @mikaelsrose

Bringing this back !

Here's a fun little thing I'm bringing back for the fandom - reblog this (or make ur own post) with your favorite ONGOING books, if you want you can add reasons as to why they're your favorites, and tag people who you think would like to participate ! 😁

reasoning & tagging below the cut to not clog the post ✨

honorable mentions: astrea's broken heart, the missing, w time catcher, kali: flame of samsara.

tagging: @theodoravery @suckitphaneuf @lanesrequiem @haitianempress @ratanslily @jillfvs @a-cloud-for-dreams @taemcains @webanglikethat @hexesandroses @renninflight @rosesandpearlss and anyone else who would like to participate ! <3

a) Soulless - where do I start ? Amazing. Showstoping. Spectacular. Totally unique, completely not ever been done before. I LOVE every single love interest, I love Vyxaria as an MC no matter the path, I looove how neatly the plot all ties together - it's just all amazing. Best ongoing story I think.

b) Shakespeare's Code - despite the fact it's been 6 episodes, this story is bumped to the TOP of my favorites. It's just amazing, Amabelle is extremely entertaining as an MC, the love interests all have different plotlines, and I love how many stats & combinations you can have !

c) 7 Brothers - of course, it wouldn't be fair to talk about my favorites without talking about this story I've been defending tooth & nail since forever. A misunderstood work of art, I really like the MC, Jaynie's so relatable & an all-around character, I absolutely cherish her. Of course, there's the love interests & Langley's amazing writing strikes again. It's always the first story I play every update <3

d) Love, Sin & Evil - another underrated work of art, my favorite thing about this story is the mechanics of saving the characters ! Super innovative, I love it. I also think Mina's a super entertaining MC and the fashion is just top notch, though on the more expensive side 👌 Eagerly waiting for the next update & the upcoming finale.

e) Heaven's Secret: Requiem - unfortunately, despite all its problems, specifically romance-wise, I still really like this story, at least for the plot of it. I'm still invested in what the fuck is the deal with Lane, and how it's all going to end.

f) And The Haze Will Take Us - Suuuuper invested to see where Alice is taking this story. I was kind of torn on season 1 but I'm actually really focused on season 2 to see where this story and this haze will be taking us ! Looking forward to the next update.

[janederscore]

not to be the complainer but it really isn't especially fun watching yourself get increasingly more disabled over time

[fappellmoan]

ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

[featherymainffins]

I think it's a hatecrime against me that there aren't any slugs as big as the giant African snail. Why do the snails get to have all the fun I just want a giant slime noodle.

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

You are actually the only person I have seen say anything that makes sense regarding HDWR recently, thank you for your good takes. I love this manga, but it really feels like I’m not reading the same story as most people sometimes

I for the record think that there is a lot (in fact i'd say majority) of interesting discussion about hdwr, even now, (just the other day in the main tag i saw a post that i liked talking about tamaki as a character & her and miwa's relationship and despite the subreddit having a lot of silly posts lately i think a couple months ago around ch. 113's release there were a lot of good comments about MiwaSae and both of their development throughout the story and I think even now there's good discussion about ch. 119 and miwa and tamaki burried in the silly stuff) and in some sense like i feel like the current wave with ch. 119 was always going to happen, it's a very emotionally charged topic that we're seeing how much it hurt a character people tend to like so like i understand being upset by it and having strong opinions about it.

That all being said, the kind of discussion that tends to surround the story of "sae was unfair/toxic to miwa" "tamaki has always been manipulative" "yuria is unfair to sae" are baffling to me because I feel like to get anything out of this story- to not instantly just be frustrated with it- you have to interact with it a little bit on its terms and I think part of that is acknowledging that these characters are more complex than the simple one word "abusive/toxic/manipulative/innocent" labelling and have complex emotions and imperfect reasoning that cause them to make mistakes, be cruel to each other, and do the wrong things. This doesn't excuse the characters' actions but that's not what the story is interested in doing anyway.

And like, I don't think the story is for everyone, I don't think everyone has to want to interact with the story on those terms; which is why while i personally don't agree with the kind of people who say "i had to stop reading when miwa and sae broke up bc it was too sad/too frustrating" and the like, I can at least understand it as just the story has goals that reader doesn't want to engage with, which is completely understandable. Where it confuses me is getting so far through the story and still not choosing to interact with the story on its terms. What are you getting out of this story then??? Does viewing sae as toxic enhance the story for you? Is it a useful way in looking at the narrative?

Especially since I feel like tamifull has attempted to make these characters realistic almost to invite us the reader to examine both ourselves and our relationships as we read. Is How Do We Relationship a useful tool to to analyze yourself or your own relationships with if you flatten the characters into good and bad? Is that a lens you'd want to view your own relationships with? I don't think so. I feel like the only things it could lead to is "i wouldn't make that mistake because I'm not toxic." "i wouldn't find myself in this situation because me and my partner aren't like them." So like. What benefit does viewing these characters in this way give you? You clearly seem to agree with/like the goals of the story if you're still here 100+ chapters later so like. What are you getting out of this?

I dunno. Like i said, I do think there's still a lot of good discussion about hdwr. That's why I still lurk the subreddit and read posts in the main tag. It's just this specific genre of discussion i can't understand especially when it happens with like more recent chapters

[anthromimicry]

okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )

plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.

though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.

so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.

but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.

and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.

[bullagit]

i think a not-insignificant amount of the heartbreak crowley’s feeling in the end is  because he’s finally truly understanding that what’s happening with aziraphale (as he perceives it) isn’t something that he can save him from.