#i started watching lost last february and i’m finally on the last episode

[pop-punklouis]

-

[annakie]

No I’m... doesn’t!

Been rewatching Futurama for the first time since the 2013 episodes came out and honestly, there’s good moments in literally every single episode, even the not-so-great ones.  Yes even the original Fox run had a handful of just not great episodes and a few that have really aged badly.  But honestly, most of them are still fantastic even at almost 25 years old.  I watched those seasons on repeat so many times back in the 00′s that I could still quote half the lines along even after not watching them for a decade.  Still sobbed at Luck of the Fryish/Leela’s Homeworld/Jurasic Bark and The Devil’s Hands are Idle Playthings.

The four movies take a big step downwards each as they go, but Bender’s Big Score is still pretty great, even if the whole Lars thing messes with the timeline and then seems to have been forgotten later on.

I hadn’t even watched the last two movies more than twice, and yeah, they’re not great but with some great moments in there if you wait for them.

The Comedy Central seasons start out rough, with a trilogy of bad episodes, including prooobably two of the very worst of the series right near the beginning.  And yeah, there’s more  “that was good (or okay)” than “that was great” in those two seasons, but there’s still a lot more to love in there then I’d remembered.

The Late Phillip J. Fry and Game of Tones in particular are standouts.  I’m glad they finally let Fry and Leela have a relationship in the last season (or two depending on how you count them :p) and I don’t think that hurt the show in the least.  I liked that they let Fry mature somewhat while he could still be a dumbass, he’s finally a version of himself it’s not impossible that Leela would want to be with.

I haven’t watched the final episode yet, which I know is also one of the best.   I think I hadn’t wanted to rewatch the show since that third ending because I really did feel like that was it for Futurama for so long.

When I turned off the TV before watching the final episode earlier tonight, I was like “I don’t want to watch this because after I do, there’s no more Futurama” and immediately was happy again when I realized... there’s no new Futurama for a month and a half.  I’m better now!

Futurama has been one of my favorite shows since I watched the pilot on the day it aired, and I’m ready for more.

On a more personal note, it was a little hard watching the show and hearing Leela a lot since I lost my cat I named after Leela back in February, but that’s what you get for naming a pet after someone when you know you’ve got at best 20 years with them.  My other cat, Fry, enjoyed watching the show with me and actually paid attention to the TV more than he normally does.  I don’t really think he understood the names Fry and Leela being spoken on the screen, but it’s fun to imagine he did. He probably liked the bright colors a lot more.

[hollenka99]

2022 According to my Tumblr Archive

January

Thasmin became canon

Horse plinko

Technoblade reached 10 million subscribers

Wilbur Soot posted Hitting on 16

February

Tommyinnit moved to Brighton and hijinks ensued

Tales From The SMP came back for a brief moment

The Legend of Vox Machina had its season finale

Someone wanted to name a particle Innuon after Tommyinnit

2sday (Tuesday 22nd February)

The PS5 was talking to us, inside our brains

March

Live slug reaction

Hermitcraft came back for season 9

MatPat tried to create the perfect pokemon for Markiplier

Heartstopper teaser

Will Smith slapped Chris Rock

April

Crabs

L’iverpool

In Space With Markiplier Part 1

Homestuck finally became old enough to be named

Walker Scobell was announced as the new Percy Jackson

Tumblr Blaze was released

After nearly 300 days, a brand finally crossed Markiplier again

Heartstopper came out on Netflix and for 8 episodes, I was 18 again

Misha Collins came out as both bisexual and then straight

Meanwhile Ranboo was begging his community to stop ignoring the blatant hints he was dropping about being queer

May

In Space With Markiplier Part 2

AO3 finally let the mcyt community have specific tags for various smps

Tumblr collectively got hooked on Dracula Daily

Daniel Howell showed up after 2 years on his own channel

Captain Sparklez finally broke his curse and got an mcc coin

June

Bo Burnham released Inside Outtakes for the anniversary

The Queen celebrated her platinum jubilee and there was a concert

Morbius

DSABCM turned a year old

The UK tried to get rid of the Human Rights Act

July

Technoblade’s death was announced through ‘so long nerds’

The UK was in political flames

Shinzo Abe was assassinated

Stray

Ted Nivison and Eddy Burback released their Rainforest Cafe videos

Pink Sauce

Bernard Cribbins died

August

The Sandman came to Netflix

Mar-a-Lago FBI raid

Percy Jackson will forever be 17

Snapcube fandub of Shadow the Hedgehog

Lovejoy started touring as themselves

September

The fucking Utah ending

I started watching House of the Dragon

Liz Truss became Prime Minister

Cbat by Hudson Mohawke

September 8th

Tommyinnit vibed in New York for 2 weeks

Ghosts came at us with a steel chair (season 4 edition)

October

Dream revealed his face

Ned Fulmer lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship

Sam O’Nella came back after nearly 3 years

Twitchcon was a shitshow of near-Dashcon levels

Alex Jones lost the Sandy Hook trial and owes nearly a billion dollars

Markiplier threatened to start an OnlyFans for charity if we helped his podcasts

Rick Riordan announced a new Percy Jackson book

Dream was a piece of shit to cover up he’s a piece of shit

I got into Ride The Cyclone

A Lettuce beat Liz Truss

The Power of the Doctor

One of my teeth went *fuck this shit, I’m out* for no reason

November

Antisepticeye and Chase Brody returned

Twitter was having so much fun under new management that a bunch of people started flocking here

Ash Ketchum became pokemon world champion

Puppet History came back for its wildest season yet

The DSMP finale *shudders*

I briefly reverted into a Layton phase

Global population reached 8 billion

I got into The Dragon Prince

I also got into The Great Comet

Goncharov

HBomberguy’s Roblox Oof video and Defuctland’s Disney Channel jingle video

December

DSMP stageplay

We finally managed to perform nuclear fusion with net positive energy generation

Porn bot invasion

Puppet History season 5 finale said you will be emotional about the dinosaurs going extinct and we all nodded

Everyone fell in love with del Toro’s version of Pinocchio

This fucking post became my top post of the year at the last minute

We finally got Technoblade’s elbow reveal

Ghosts came at us with a steel chair (Christmas edition)

Everyone watched Glass Onion (and I finally got around to seeing Knives Out too)

Andrew Tate got arrested with the help of a pizza box when trying to be a dick to Greta Thunberg

Pope down

[knittedkikwi]

Ok, time to scream into the void again. Please ignore. It’s long and rambling and I just need to get it out because I might fall to pieces if I don’t.

So, over the past several months, I became friends with this guy at work. Buckle in, because this is the path we’ve taken and it’s long. 10 months long, to be exact, which is actually kind of a speed run for me.

Met him on day one of the new job, when the boss gave the tour. I barely registered that he was there because I met so many people that day. The next week he helped me figure out which office I was looking for because i was wandering around like a little lost puppy. I saw that his desk was covered in Marvel paraphernalia, particularly Spider-man, and thought “we could probably be friends” due to Spider-man being my favorite. We then proceeded to spend the next couple of months barely talking cause we’re both shy and I’m EXTREMELY socially awkward.

Then, the department newsletter comes out and the employee spotlight for that week is him. Turns out we both enjoy fantasy novels and I proceed to go “huh, we really should be friends.” Finally, we start talking in the break room at lunch about random things, books, movies, tv shows. Bond over The Last of Us. I’m like “yeah! friend!”

We keep talking during lunch. I start mentioning my love of dnd. If I’m going to be friends with someone, they need to know my obsessions, and ttrpgs is one of the big ones. He then brings up Critical Role OF HIS OWN VOLITION. Like, one of my favorite things in the entire world! He just asks me if I watch, because he’s been watching the Legend of Vox Machina and loves it. Outwardly I geeked out and showed off my CR pins. Inwardly, I’m like “.....fuck.....” Proceed to text one of my guy friends about it just to get a gauge of what happened. I’m saying he brought up CR and TLOVM and that I’m in trouble. Guy friend does not pick up on subtext and thinks I’m in trouble because he reminded me that the new episode dropped that night and I’m impatient, so I’m like “yeah, I’m reading too much into this” but it’s too late. The emotions are starting to shift.

Over several months I’ve established that The Guy is funny and sweet. He cooks with his mom. He knows basic knitting terms cause said mom also knits. We share so many interests. Like, SO MANY. And none of the conversations are patronizing at all. He’ll ask if I’m familiar with something, and when I say yeah, we carry on like we’re both on equal footing, because we are. We’re both gamers and I had braced myself for the girl gamer rigamarole, but that never came. He just accepted it and was like of course you play games.

I feel myself shift from friend mode to crush mode and do what I’ve always done. I try and squash it. I try to shift it back to friend mode because we’re coworkers and that makes things complicated. Because I’m demi and that’s complicated. Crushes are so rare for me that they never work out because by the time they start, the guy’s already dating someone else. So you shove those feelings in a box and seal it up tight and eventually get back to friends. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.

So, then The Guy goes off on vacation for two weeks and things start to fade a bit. Sure, I’m bummed that he’s gone, but also I get used to it. I think I’ve managed to get a handle on it like I always have.

Except not this time! When he gets back, some other coworkers start asking him about his trip at lunch one day. He tells this story about visiting some museum or castle or something and he met someone that he randomly bonded with. Y’all, my stomach tied itself into a knot. My heart was in my throat. And one of our mutual friends (who will come back into this later) goes “oooohh, like someone?” and he says no, like a random guy he became friends with in a line for something and never talked to again after that day. I’ve never been so relieved, nor fought so hard to act casual, in my life.

Then, back in February, we had Random Acts of Kindness month at work and someone put out a puzzle to make a brain break station for everyone. Now, puzzles are one of my other favorite things in the whole wide world. My sister, my dad, and I used to do a puzzle every Christmas while my mom and my brother looked on befuddled. My sister and I still do puzzles every time we get together. This is a prime bonding activity for me (although my brother-in-law laughs at how “sister bonding time” eventually devolves into silence every time) and that puzzle actually got me to fully come out of my shell at work because there was a constant mix of people around it all the time and we all would just kinda chat. And do you know who one of those people was?? THE GUY!! Turns out, he loves puzzles too!! So I’m like “fuuuuucccckkkkk!” It takes us all a month to finish that damn puzzle. But then someone brings in another one! So I start that one.

By now I’m taking my lunches over there every day. And The Guy usually spends the last 15 minutes or so of his lunch helping me. So we keep talking. The box that I’ve shoved my feelings into starts coming apart at the seams. I’m wrapping that sucker in duct tape and prayers. I’m actually legitimately praying that god will make it end, one way or the other, because it’s starting to hurt. Either he needs to start dating someone else so I have a definite “not gonna happen” lock to put on the box or he needs to ask me out. I’m too shy and scared to ever do anything about it, so I’m just gonna sit here in silence and suffer.

I do eventually find an equilibrium, to an extent. It still hurts, but not as bad. There’s a week where he doesn’t help with the puzzle and it makes it easier. Gives me some breathing room, y’know? I think maybe I’ve done something to scare him away. Or maybe he doesn’t think of me as that close of a friend. Except, I finish that puzzle, start the on the next one, and he’s back. Turns out, he was just busy and a little intimidated by that last puzzle (it was a real bastard of a puzzle, so I understand the impulse to run away). And I’m like “I’m ok. I’ve got this under control again.” And surprisingly, I do! Yes, I still like him, and yes the weekends still hurt because we can’t talk. But it’s a pain I can manage and that I know will fade in time.

Or it would if we don’t start talking over chat at work all the time. and I mean ALL the time. We’ve just started randomly messaging each other about everything. New movie out, let’s talk about it. New podcast? We’ve got to share our reactions to each episode. When the new Zelda game came out, something I’ve been talking about nonstop for fucking ages, he messages me a few days later to say that he bought it. Now we’re sharing cool things we’ve found in the game and videos of people building korok death machines! Meanwhile, I’m experimenting with crazy glue and chains to keep this damn emotions box closed.

And then last week. Last week, a group of us go to an escape room together after work one day. It’s a blast! Managed to escape with less than two minutes left! Everybody left on a high. But apparently that somehow tipped off my work bestie (aka mutual friend from before. We now play dnd together). Yesterday, she walks up to me and The Guy working on the puzzle, as per usual. We’re just chatting about Zelda and occasionally ignoring each other to focus on what we’re doing. We all talk a bit about the escape room and how much fun it was, then she leaves and The Guy and I go back to idle chatter and swearing at bits of cardboard that don’t fit together. I run into her a couple hours later on the way to the break room and we talk about random work related things. We keep talking all the way back to my office, which isn’t common but also isn’t unusual, so I don’t think much of it beyond the initial “Oh, she’s coming with me. Cool.” Except when we get to my office, she looks at me and goes “so you and Guy, huh?” like we’re in a goddamn Hallmark movie!

Let me preface this next bit with something. I have an overactive imagination. I have run this exact scenario in my head dozens of times just trying to figure out how I would react. Each time was just for fun, though. I never thought that would actually happen! Which is why, instead of the dozens of smooth deflections or coy smiles that happened in every daydream, I sputtered and went “what?! no! shut the door!!” before proceeding to spill my guts like the bad guy in a murder mystery when they’ve been found out. Do you know what happened then? My damn emotions box burst wide open. Something about admitting it to someone who knows him just made everything flood out and I don’t think I’m gonna be able to put it back in again. Like, I’d told some friends about it while we were all on vacation last month, but that felt more like an alternate timeline than anything else. They were all talking about their husbands and I was like “I have a weird amorphous thing. Please don’t tell anyone.” and we all went back to reality. But they don’t know him. They’ve never met him and they probably won’t.

Anyway, my friend who DOES know him and DOES see us together on a regular basis just waltzed into my office and turned my world on it’s head. Apparently she felt sparks at the escape room, but she wasn’t sure if it was between Guy and me or Guy and the other girl there. Then, when she asked me and other girl if either of us have his number so she could text out the pictures from the escape room, I was able to get it really fast because I was already messaging with him that day. Apparently, that tipped her off. But her confirmation was when she came up to us at the puzzle yesterday. She said it was the most comfortable situation she’d ever walked into. Like we’d been together forever and already worked everything out. (Which, ngl, is the best description I’ve ever heard for any sort of dynamic. I think that’s what I’m going to aspire to reach for from here on out with anyone.) She was super supportive and let me vent. I trust her not to say anything to him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s now trying to find out if he likes me. She definitely had that discrete matchmaker vibe going on when she walked out of my office.

Anyway, all of this was to say that yesterday afternoon I was a mess for the rest of the day. And today fucking sucked because he was busy all morning and we didn’t get a chance to talk until 3, when we proceeded to take a puzzle break and catch up. All of that time made me do a lot of thinking about him and me and what all of this even is. Cause, like, I never get butterflies around him like people always describe. Sure, the butterflies sometimes happen when I think of him, but when we’re actually together I just get this immense sense of peace. We don’t even need to be talking. I just need him there. And now I’ve been forced to acknowledge that externally and somehow that means I’m noticing the ache more when he’s not there.  I was finally able to put a word to it today. I’m yearning for him. I’ve never yearned for anyone before. Past crushes were more like fun thought experiments. This is way more intense and I don’t get why people seem to enjoy this process. I feel like I’m dying.

And I think he might like me back, which is utterly terrifying. Because what if I’m wrong? What if everything he’s been doing is just him also doing the “Ooh! Friend!” thing that I was at the beginning? If I’m wrong and if my friend is wrong, I don’t think I could handle it. If this were a book, this would all clearly be leading in one direction. But this isn’t a book and life isn’t that neat. I mean, we’re only messaging at work. We’ve never texted each other outside of the office. Hell, I only got his number because of the escape room! Does that mean that I’m only a work friend to him? Or is he just as scared to bring it up as I am? Should we even risk the drama that might come about if things turn out badly?? I work in hr. I’ve seen that drama play out. Hell, I’ve helped with the investigations when one party starts getting toxic because of it (note to anyone thinking about going into hr, stay away from investigations. Stick to payroll, training, and DEIB. That’s where the good stuff is). I’ve got ethical debates going in circles in my head about consenting adults and sexual harassment and hostile workplaces and should the person (me) who does payroll for the whole company date someone whose check they make. Plus, I’ve never actually been in a relationship before because of previously stated issues with being shy and taking forever to develop a crush. What if I fuck it up by accident??? What if in fucking it up, I accidentally cause the hostile workplace and then have to leave my job?! This is the best job I’ve ever had! I love my office and my life now! I don’t want to lose that! I also don’t want to lose him as a friend. I’m afraid that if I tell him, I’ll chase him away and I’ll lose my puzzle buddy forever. I’m afraid that I’ll be depriving him of an office where he feels comfortable, and god does he deserve to work someplace that let’s him feel safe and happy and unworried without my awkward ass ruining it.

But I also really want to kiss him, which is an experience that’s so fucking rare for me that I had convinced myself I’d imagined the previous times. But it’s happening now and he’s just 3 feet away most days. There’s nothing but a puzzle table and my own fears between us.

Ultimately, I know that I’m a coward, so I think I’m just going to stay in the holding pattern and hope it fades eventually.

[arthriticjester]

Had something of a rough day and saw an open tag game thing so I'm gonna pretend it's 2012 and do some typing and oversharing you're more than welcome to scroll right on past if so inclined. Feel free to do it too if you want, there’s no rules. It don’t matter. None of this matters. tagged by: no one, but saw it from @ecnalubma

last song: Sin - Nine Inch Nails. Pretty Hate Machine pretty much lives in my car CD player, my partner and I just put a random song on from it anytime we’re not actively looking for anything else and if the radio choices suck. Never gets old. A little juvenile and horny, but it’s NIN, y’know?

last movie: Had a mini-marathon of stuff guaranteed to make me feel better after the shit day I had, so my partner sat with me and watched Toy Story and The Iron Giant back to back. Didn’t solve any problems but it definitely made some good brain juices flow.

last show: I’m currently about halfway through the final season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and it’s gutting me. Saw the episode “It’s Only A Paper Moon” this morning before work and it really got to me, not because of wartime PTSD but because I’m a person with a disability who lost part of myself to something outside of my control and who has had to learn to live without it.

currently watching: Finishing up Deep Space Nine of course, but immediately after I’m going to start burning through Better Call Saul in an attempt to catch up before the finale, which is exactly what I did for the finale of Breaking Bad a million years ago.

currently reading: Nothing at the moment, I haven’t finished a book since February. I was about halfway through a short story collection called Dark Forces and I really stalled on progress. I gotta put the phone down more.

[softieteez]

backstory

warning: death, cancer, drinking, mental abuse, some physical abuse, cussing, crying, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, child neglect

genre: angst

summary: before ivy even got to her teen years, things were more difficult than most adults lives. from losing her dad, to experiencing neglect.

a/n: ivy’s story is pretty deep. feel free to skip this post if you are triggered by anything listed. also i’ll be using her birth name a lot throughout this story.

languages: normal = english. italic = korean

olivia min was born june 4, 2001 in michigan. she is the youngest of three siblings. miya, the oldest, was born february 20, 1997. and austin, the middle child, was born august 4, 1999.

growing up, olivia had an amazing relationship with her family members. her parents were always really supportive of anything she wanted to do. and her siblings, were annoying, but they all love each other so much. the family was pretty middle class, maybe more upper middle class. they had enough money to buy nice things and go on trips, which was nice and it gave the kids experiences they’d always remember.

when she was a baby, the families friend jax, had given her the nickname ‘ivy.’ the name stuck with him and eventually spread to friends at school. but her family members always called her olivia or jisoo, her korean name.

in school she was a social butterfly, running around recess practically collecting friends like they were collectors items. and because of her loving nature, no one could say no. she’s also very smart, she’s always had straight a’s and was usually willing to participate in class. teacher would say she was a sweet and smart little girl, and of course she could make the class burst into giggles at any second.

olivia started dancing at the young age of 4 when her parents enrolled her into dance classes. there, she met new friends and became one of the best youth dancers in their town.

her grandparents lived in ohio, which meant a lot of the times they would travel there for the holidays. olivia had a friend named aggy that lived there.

aggy lived next door to ivy’s grandparents. she was diagnosed with leukemia only five months before meeting the family, this was when ivy was maybe 7 years old.

through the years, ivy excelled in everything from piano lessons that she started when she was 5, to even cooking. she was a cheerful and happy little girl. until she reached age 9 when her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.

this was a huge reality hit. she didn’t really understand it though, her dad was healthy. until he wasn’t. she remembers that day so clearly

“where’s mom and dad?” olivia asked walking into the kitchen and seeing her sister sitting next to their sleeping brother on the couch

“hospital, grandma and grandpa will be here in a few hours. for now our neighbors are gonna look after us”

“hospital? but why?” the little girl tilted her head

“i don’t know olivia. go back to sleep it’s early” miya did know, she saw her dad getting worse and worse as the months went on. but the last thing anyone wanted to do was worry anymore people. especially austin and olivia.

“okay…” she responded and went back toward her bedroom.

a few hours later she woke up to her grandma shaking her awake “wake up olivia. grandpa and i brought lunch.” the elderly woman spoke

olivia smiled at her grandmother as she sat up and stretched. the girl walked to the kitchen.

she still remembers all the yummy food her grandparents made, now knowing it was out of grief. later that night was when her parents revealed the truth to the kids.

and suddenly her whole world collapsed.

she would miss dance class and sometimes even school because her father would be in the hospital. because her mom and dad were always gone, she and her other siblings were expected to help around the house. occasionally with their grandparent by their side.

when she turned 10, she didn’t have much of a birthday blow out. and her present was some nail polish because that was all her family could afford at the time. when she turned 11, they spent her birthday in the hospital. her dads condition became so much worse that he wasn’t able to leave the hospital.

“i’m sorry you have to spend your birthday like this livvy” her dad held her had. his skin was paler than usual. colder too.

“it’s okay dad, i’m just happy we’re all here” she smiled as she held back tears. but her dad knew she wanted to cry.

“me and your mom got you something” he smiled and looked at his wife. the woman smiled sadly and reach in her purse to pull out a small purple box.

olivia grabbed the box from her mothers hand and opened it slowly. a beautiful butterfly necklace was revealed.

“it took a little while for us to find the perfect one” her moms sniffled. “we wanted you to love it”

thinking back on that moment. ivy now understood they wanted it to be special because it would be the last gift she would ever receive from her father.

“thank you mommy. thank you daddy” she whispered and pecked her dads forehead.

sadly, on june 29, her father passed away in the middle of the night. for some reason, her brain blocks this moment out. it’s all a blur.

her and her sister were sleeping on the little couch the nurses had set up and her brother was laying on the sleeping bag he had brought on the floor. it happened so suddenly. she woke up to her mom hysterically crying and weeping.

her brother and sister were frantic as nurses guided them three of them out of the room. but she does remember the last look she had at her dad.

he didn’t look real, more like a painting. or a sculpture maybe. his skin was practically white and his body was lifeless.

her whole family was in a depression, especially her mom. after losing her husband, she started drinking to numb the pain.

her grandparents left ohio and went back to korea completely unannounced. it was up to miya and austin to take care of themselves, each other, and of course olivia.

after a month of her fathers passing. the family had got a call from aggy’s mom informing them that aggy passed away july 25. so now she lost her dad and her best friend. along with that her mom isn’t stable enough to take care of her and her siblings, and her grandparents were m.i.a.

when she turned 12, that’s when her moms drinking got worse. she was living off of beer and tv dinners. she was also now mentally abusive toward her children.

austin became the child that started work. he would work late at night and then go to school all day. he was responsible for the families income at age 14.

miya was rarely ever home as well, but she was gone to escape their mom. she would rebel, hang out with her boyfriend, who ivy later found out was physically abusive.

then ivy was the kid that did the chores. she would also clean the neighbors houses to help pay her dance fees. the neighbors would always feel bad so they’d usually give her $30 for each chore she did. that was barely enough though.

and somehow, none of their friends ever noticed anything. except for austin’s, he’s always shut down plans to work and was overly tired all the time. but the friends did start noticing behavior changes

ivy became really depressed and spent most of her days just waiting for them to end.

the family got some income from the bank after the fathers passing. the kids were all in his will, earning $114k each. but they wouldn’t receive that until age 18.

around this time, ivy got into contact with her grandparent. begging day after day to move their and live out her dream of being an idol. her siblings would even call and beg the grandparents to let her, not wanting her to experience this life anymore.

after months of begging, her grandparents finally agreed to move her out to korea. she had already submitted audition videos to big companies like sm, jyp, yg, bighit etc.

she was 13 when she was officially moved into korea. she lived with her grandma and grandpa for a month before moving into the jyp dorms. she trained there for a year before being sent off to audition for produce 101.

during this time, she experienced great stress. her anxiety and depression led to suicidal thoughts and almost had to leave the show because of it. many fans who were supporting her throughout the show noticed her getting skinnier and skinnier by the episode.

somi, who became her best friend instantly, was also worried for her. ivy felt bad that she was worrying people. but she couldn’t help it, her mind controlled her. her thoughts were always telling her to do something. she would practice all the time and forget to eat.

somi would often watch after her to make sure she would at least eat a bagel and drink water everyday.

it wasn’t long before ivy would share her story, only parts of it publicly. her story reached american headlines, meaning her family and friends had seen it.

she was struggling for years. and it was only recently when she found inner happiness. she worked hard during produce, and didn’t win. and of course, she left jyp and moved to kq where she met her life long friends.

her boys have helped her so much, they were there to listen to her story, to hug her when she cried.

those are her boys, her family. her home.

[goodlucktkachuk]

Frantic -- Matthew Tkachuk (Pt.1)

a/n: I’ve spent the past 48 hours reading fanfiction for this man, it is time I write something

Summary: Growing up around the game y/n has met too many hockey players to name but one of her brothers old team mates always held a special place in her mind. Running into Matthew wasn’t what she had in mind but maybe it was a good thing.

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: age gap

---------------------------------------------

Frantic was the only way to describe you on this cold February morning. Overtired from a frustrating night of painting, annoyed at your roommate and already stressed about tonight's game. As you manover your body through the streets of Toronto the air was almost too cold to handle. Not remembering a jacket or boots, it was just you, your coveralls over an old sweater and beat up vans dredging through the snow to the coffee shop around the corner. Your head was throbbing as you were walking but the streets were quiet for 7am and that was the only thing you appreciate about the day so far.

“Stupid pregame rituals, stupid Nick, stupid Emily reminding me I made a promise.” You grumbling as you throw yourself into the store, shuffling to the side knowing your mobile order would be up soon. Closing your eyes you bring your hands up to your face to relieve some of the from tension from your eyes  you're met with the cold feeling of wet paint on your skin. This morning just kept getting better.

“Mobile order for Y/N!” The barista yells, snapping you out of your bitter attitude. You say a soft thank you as you turn on your heels, suddenly being met with the hard chest of the man standing behind you. As you pull away your face drops as you see blobs of black and blue paint where your face hit is white hoodie.

“Oh my god! I am so so sorry. Game day turns me into a mess, at least let me--” He cuts you off before you offer to pay for his drink. Looking up, you’re thrown off when you meet his eye. You haven’t seen Matthew in probably four years. He’s filled out, the curls on his head suit him and his blue eyes are still the same. A blush creeps over your cheeks of as memories of watching him practice and endless team dinners filled your mind. You wonder if he recognizes you but his words confirm that you are in fact a stranger to him.

His first statement is extreamly blunt for how early it is “You’re too much of a mess to work for either organization.” 

You were a little thrown off. He scans you up and down before he continues. “Guessing by how young you look you’re probably a girlfriend so…” He drags the o-sound out for far too long making you giggle slightly then he keeps going “Which leaf will be paying for my hoodie in punches tonight?” His face twists into a wicked smile as he waits for a response.

Taking a deep breath you reply. “Technically, Nick Robertson… BUT I’m not his girlfriend nor is it his fault that your clothes are ruined. Plus I think my roommate would prefer I wasn’t the reason her boyfriend loses some of his teeth.” You voice trailed off near the end because the thought of that happening made your head hurt even more.

He stands there as you watch the gears turn in his head. In a moment of quick thinking you blurt out, “I’m a flames fan! If that makes this situation better.” Smiling slightly as he rolls his eyes.

Quietly he says, “Fine, I’ll let it slide… but I better see you in the stands in red tonight sweetheart.” He flashes you a wink as he reaches past you to grab his coffee and he quickly leaves you standing in the empty shop once again.

Dumbfounded, your phone begins to buzz in your pocket seeing your moms name flash across your screen. You groan internally and talk to her the whole walk back to the apartment as you replay your meeting with Matt.

-------------------

“Y/N are you ready yet!! We’re going to be late!” Emily screams from the living room as she adjusts her beanie for the millionth time and looks at Nick’s last in the mirror with a goofy smile.

You were standing in your room with two jerseys staring back at you. You couldn’t make up your mind between the blue and white #16 and the red and black #19. You knew the consequences of both choices and decide you could deal with Tkachuk’s bad attitude. Slipping the leaf jersey over your shoulders it swallows you whole but the hoodie you have on underneath makes up for that a bit. You pull on a black Nike ballcap, grab your bag and meet Emily in the living room. As she goes to ask you what the hell you are wearing you just shake your head and start for the door.

The guys are doing their big entrance into the arena as you and Emily make your way to your seats next to the penalty box. She’s scolding you the whole time about missing warmups and how she’ll be getting an earful from Nick later about being late. You zone out as you scan the ice for Matt. Unfortunately, he finds you before you can find him and a frown is glued to his face. Like you decided earlier, you will deal with him later.

The game was actually pretty good with the Flames winning in overtime. Matt shooting you dirty looks every time he was sent to the box which kinda made you laugh. Standing in the family and friends area, Nick is one of the first out, pulling Em aside to ask where you guys were and probably looking for support after the game. Leaving you fend for yourself. A few minutes pass and Matty is out now along with a few other leaf players who were hanging close by, you instantly catch his eye. Making his way over to you he puts his hand over your head and uses two fingers to lift your chin so you meet his eye.

“I thought I asked you to wear red tonight princess, you’re breaking my poor little heart.” He slides his tongue over his bottom lip, cocky grin never faltering.

Returning his energy you push up on your toes as you breathe on his neck “You haven’t seen what I’m wearing underneath this yet, handsome.”  

Surprise covers his face and quickly turns into lust again. Before he can say anything you duck under his arm, running full force towards Mitch as he approaches. Opening his arms for a hug, you hurl yourself at him and he spins you around. As Matthew watches, jealousy burns in his chest as he approaches you to chirp Marner.

Before he has a chance to bite, Mitch starts laughing.

“I can’t believe you actually wore it, must been torture for you.” He ruffles your hair and you scoff at his antics.

“I swear you told her about the bet just so you could watch me in pain.” Your smile was so radiant as you laughed Matthew couldn’t help but smile too.

“I swear I didn’t! I just knew mom would want to know how your midterm piece went more than how I was feeling about a game.” Matthew was a few feet away still pretending to play on his phone as he listened to the two of you so he wasn’t sure if he heard Mitch right.

“Matty! I didn’t see you there, bring it in buddy!” Mitch called him over, bringing him into a tight hug. You stood there awkwardly watching the two old friends catch up when Mitch finally remembers you’re there.

“Oh hey, you remember my little sister Y/N from when you lived in London right.” The second the words left your brother's mouth, a look of horror crosses Matthew’s face. The last time he had seen you, you were fourteen years old. The Y/N he remembered was quiet and collected. Always had her head buried in a book at games and never really gave the boys the time of day because you were never interested in hockey when you were a young girl. But now you stood before him, a woman. You had dyed your hair, lost your baby face, got glasses and your style had done a 180. Standing in front of the two of you now, he didn’t realize how he could’ve missed the obvious resemblance between you and your brother.

Shyly you smile and say “It’s nice to see you again, Matthew.”

Still in shock he nods and says. “Still the same mini marnie for sure.”

After a bit more chatting Mitch decides it’s time for you guys to get dinner so you part Matthew with heartfelt goodbyes and ‘until we see each other again’.

Once you guys leave Matthew stays in place ordering himself an uber, thinking about what just happened. He feels a slight tap on his shoulder. Turing meets a not too happy Auston and he knows he’s in trouble. Going to apologize for stealing Austons stick he’s met with a very different topic.

“I’m just letting you know that Jake and I heard what you said to Y/N earlier and I want to remind you that she’s like a sister to all of us so you better watch yourself Tkachuk.” Matthew says nothing and simply nods because chirping Aus was dangerous territory especially when it involved family.

You were back at Mitche’s apartment after dinner to spend some time together. Or so he says, you knew he was just lonely because Steph was out of town. When he gets up to call her in between episodes of Brooklyn Nine Nine it  gives you a chance to check your phone. There were a few tags on instagram and a handful of snapchats you’d answer in the morning but one notification stood out against the rest.

Follower Request: matthew_tkachuk

Part Two

[riocles]

ENTRY 1/2 KDrama Blog 04/05/2022

It’s been so long since I wrote again and it’s my first time this year 2022 to post something here in Tumblr. 

Let me share here my thoughts and experiences as a KDrama fan.

 To be honest, last year I wasn’t fond of watching the whole episodes of those Korean dramas last year. Due to time constraint with my studies and work, I never dare myself to complete a series. Like for example, when I watched the Hometown Cha Cha Cha but I only finished the first 8 episodes and True Beauty (15 episodes only because I was upset on what happened to Han Seojun HAHAHAHAHA). I lost interest and time in watching dramas, But when December came and the Snowdrop was released, I found again my love in watching dramas especially the ongoing ones. I was so attached with the characters, plot, setting, actors and songs but with the ending last January 31. After I watched the final episode, I cried a lot and promised myself, I won’t watch any drama this year. Since it’s my classes start already, I thought I won’t have the allotted time to watch dramas. But it is somehow changed when February came and there were new drams like Business Proposal and Twenty-five, Twenty-one. I started watching Business Proposal on its first broadcast last February 28 and same with 2521 even though its four weeks since its first broadcast. To be honest, these two dramas  are my comfort dramas, they lessen my anxiety and fill in my emptiness especially this pandemic and I’m still working from home. During those nights I watched again the episodes, it really lessens my worries before I sleep. 

Twenty-Five Twenty-One:

At first, I’m really hesitant to watch this drama since it was broadcasted during weekends and I don’t have time to watch at night. But then, by looking to the tweets and posts about the drama, I started watching it. I finished the first episodes of the drama for two days and I also subscribed to Netflix just to watch the drama. As a Kdrama fan since high school, I always look forward to romance but after watching the first episodes, it changed my perspective. This drama made me realize how important the plot is and I really love the plot of the drama. The characters, cinematography, settings, and musical score were really good. I was so attached with the characters, especially Ko Yu-rim. I was so touched with her story and cried also every time that her family faces financial struggles. I felt the pain that she’s trying to endure. i admired how she made her parents proud and the time she sacrificed just to save her family. I was so disappointed with her character but I realized she struggled so much as a fencer, and daughter. In the end, I really love her character and she shared also her passion in fencing with other aspiring fencers. Then, here comes the two best friends, Seunghwan and Ji Woong, whom I admired because of their true friendship. It was a true friendship every time they support and help one another. I admired how Seunghwan stood for Ji Woong and how she bravely fought for the rights of the students. I liked the cute side of Ji Woong and his gentle gestures towards Yu-rim.

Here comes Na Hee-Do, whose positivity and perseverance outshine in the drama. From an 18-year old student to a 40-year old mother, I realized her growth as person when it comes to her mother, friends, loved ones and passion in fencing. I do admired her character, and I felt all also the pain brought by the struggles in her life, especially when she won the gold medal for the first time. She was taken for granted and misjudged by others. But, she never let these issues succumb her, instead she proved them wrong. I will miss her character, her youthful vibes, cute gestures and funny sides. She always make possible solutions for those problems even though she always fail at first. I loved her dedication, and passion so much.

The last one was Baek Yi Jin. To be honest, I was so attached with his character, experiences, and struggles in life. I thought he was just an ordinary guy whom Hee-Do met but somehow, it was not totally what I expected. His difficult circumstances with his parents, sibling, and work made me feel the pain he is keeping inside. He was away from his parents who got divorced and the people looked down on him because of his current status. It was really hard for him for sure to hear the blame, gossips, and disappointments from the people around him who didn’t know his struggles. As I observed, he always keep inside his pain, and there’s no one who can comfort him at first. I sobbed a lot of times because of the pain he needed to endure for his family, friends and other people. He even gave up his dream to be at NASA due to financial crisis at that time. He failed in his interviews due to his educational background. He was discriminated also because he was a college undergraduate but he continued to endure those pain just to survive and face the reality. I really appreciate his character from the start. I love his dedication to find a job and make ways to bring his family together. Those times he went to New York and he realized how difficult the situation here is, I felt his struggles in his work and mental health. Then, years passed and he became a news anchor. I was so happy on what happen to his career even though it led to his relationship with Hee-Do complicated. He made his family complete again and made himself financially stable.

When it comes to the relationship between Hee-Do and Yi-Jin, it is the one of  best love stories I’ve ever watched. They started as friends, became each other’s shoulders and they support each other in good and bad times. They became lovers and it is one of the best highlights of the drama. They were not endgame due to difficult circumstances they encountered, I can see the genuine love between the them. There are a lot of what ifs. What if both of them didn’t say those hurtful words in the tunnel. What if they tell each other as earlier as possible that they didn’t those words. What if Na Hee-do didn’t lost her diary or Yi-jin gave it back directly to her. There are a lot of what ifs but somehow I realized, this drama gave us a realistic ending. First love may last somehow, others may not. It is a picture of reality that relationship ended for a reason. I cried a lot in the last episode and I couldn’t move on. It is difficult but this drama wanted to give us a picture of reality when it comes to realizations, growth, ups and downs in relationship. I felt so much pain as I expected that they will be the endgame in the end due to some theories. LOL. But in the end, I will accept the ending and think about the life lessons I learned from this drama when it comes to youth, growth, friendship, passion, family and relationship. 

Thank you so much 2521! It is one of my comfort dramas this year and I will treasure this drama as a fan. I will recommend this to others since it gave me a lot of lessons. Thank you so much! 2521 lessens my pain and fill in my emptiness. Maybe in a parallel universe, BaekDo is the end game. Saranghae! 

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [bonus]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–nudity boobies! w.c; 2.2k a/n; why did a week go by so stinkin’ fast? i’m not ready to let go of this couple! that being said, i wouldnt mind posting some drabble babbles about these two or four. im utterly thankful for the love and passion my readers had for this, i had so many kind readers that kept me afloat through all of. i can’t wait to see you in the next one, and i hope you enjoy this little glimpse💕

[final] [bonus] -> masterpost

“You’re not Jimin.” 

Jungkook’s eyes snap open, and he takes note of the change in air. Chalk it up to the open window or the fact that the rain’s evaporated, but he can’t help the pinch of pain in his heart as he realizes that you’re far, far gone from this world. 

And in your place, is you. Not quite you, but it’s almost scary how easy it is to regard your visage and simple conversation. 

“Jimin,” he repeats, as if he heard you wrong. “As in, Park Jimin? Tiny guy with a big ego?” 

“Yes,” you reply blandly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Your eyes are sparkless, flickering between your state of nakedness and his state of nakedness. “I know I wasn’t exactly sober last night, but I distinctly remember telling him he’d be in my bed tonight,” and you regard Jungkook with a sort of pointed look, unable to decipher your situation, “but here you are. Still cupping by boob.” 

Out of reflex, he squeezes his palm. Yep, that’s yours. 

A little part of him also wants to yell to the heavens because you failed to tell him you were hooking up with Park Jimin before all of this. 

Okay technically you didn’t, but the person in front of him did. 

His heart is fresh and stinging like a hot cut on the asphalt. He watches you take in your surroundings, humming when you notice the new clothes on the rack and the way your desk has been rearranged. Jungkook is trying very hard to be patient, after all you’re a stranger and suddenly he feels like he’s the one that’s known you all his life. Oh, how the tables have turned. 

You stretch, testing out your limbs as they pop and crackle at your command. You run a hand through your strawberry-smelling hair, and Jungkook has to grip the sheets to not go by instinct and take you right then and there on this mattress. With a shameless groan of satisfaction, you flop against your bed. Jungkook tries, emphasis on try, to not watch as your breasts bounce and the way your hair flows around your pillow like the angel you are, but he’s rendered smitten. 

“Uh,” boobies boobies boobies. 

You pointedly ignore his piss-poor attempt at coherent conversation, staring up at the ceiling.  “Ho—ly shit,” you curse freely, heaving an exhausted sigh, “I feel so sore.” 

“S-sore?” Great, he found his voice. 

“Yeah, like I’ve been in a coma or something,” but you think nothing of it, summing it up as a crazy dream from alcohol poisoning. You sit up straight, reaching for your phone. It’s not on your desk, but instead you find something far more interesting. 

You reach for your Midnight Blue Citrus candle, frowning at the contents. The wax is nearly burnt to the end, the tips of the wicks charcoal black and frayed. Waving your used candle in Jungkook’s face you blame, “What the fuck, did you use all of this last night? I just bought this like, literally yesterday!” 

His face falls, “What? You’ve had that candle for forever—”

“And why the heck it is so hot in the middle of February?” 

Oh. 

Something dark and sad creeps up Jungkook’s stomach, and he hates to be the one to tell you. February was when it all started, and his life changed with the presence of you. Jungkook tells himself repeatedly that the woman in this room is simultaneously the person he’s loved since winter and the stranger he feels that he’s meant to love with time. Considering everything’s happening all at once understanding it is still hard, but he’ll try for you. 

It breaks his heart to see how you look lost and confused, like a child woken up from a debilitating nightmare. Your lips are bitten red and purple, trying your hardest not to show fear in front of him, a stranger. You’re frustrated as you try your hardest to shut the windows to block the incoming humidity from last night’s rain. 

He says your name, sweet and soft. “It’s almost summer,” he says, his voice calm and collected. 

“So are you telling me, that wasn’t a dream?” 

The two of you stare at each other, unmoving. He tries not to squirm under your gaze, you watch him intently, scraping at the edge of your brain for any ideas. You’re hugging yourself, arms wrapping against your breasts as if you’re trying to hold your body together in a way that alludes to any brokenness you felt over these past two months. 

Neither of you break the silence, and there’s a bang and a crash. Jungkook flinches at the tell-tale signs of the unwanted intruder, the fling of keys across your wooden table and a shrill call of your name. 

“Who’s that?” 

“Probably Hoseok,” Jungkook answers reluctantly, his thumb rubbing between his brows. 

He ignores the extra cool air against his naked bits when he throws the blankets off his lap. Ignores the way you pointedly, shamelessly check him out as he throws on his sweats and a t-shirt. To his dismay he can’t ignore the burn in his cheeks when he knows how you’re scrutinizing him like a one-night stand, trying to recollect any type of concrete thought that would seem plausible enough to explain why you woke up in bed with him. 

Throwing open your bedroom door and leaving you there, he cards a hand through his rogue bedhead to face a frantic Hoseok. 

“It’s so early,” Hoseok warbles to himself, impressed that he’s managed to cop fresh donuts and coffee at nearly 7AM. 

Jungkook sees nothing but an orange blob and Hoseok’s head, bleary and vibrating. Rubbing his eyes he says, “You just realized how early it is? Couldn’t you have stopped by a little later?” 

“No, I couldn’t!” Hoseok’s now invading Jungkook’s personal space, as if you weren’t the bridge between their threads of a relationship, as if he and Hoseok could be friends. “I woke up a few hours ago and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt it, Jungkook. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. The air shifted and I felt like I was between two parallel universes—I swear on my bad knee that I’m not going through a drug trip—and I felt the world turning and changing and it was so fuckin’ weird I had to come here as soon as Dunkin’ opened. Didn’t you feel it too?” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook exhales, not bothering to hide the disappointment. He smiles sadly, “it’s definitely not her.” 

Hoseok’s expression and excitement over the world’s converging falters, and he pulls Jungkook into a hug. They’re not particularly close and Hoseok’s smaller in size compared to Jungkook, but for those five seconds he feels comforted as he hugs him back. 

“Why don’t you go home and chill out, I don’t mind explaining things to her,” Hoseok offers, “and I’ll call you later and let you know how it went.” 

“Okay,” Jungkook replies, voice slow, “that sounds like a good idea, actually.” 

The situation is royally messed up, and he hates that he can’t blame it on anyone. Jungkook is a practical man, and he knows that he has no use when Hoseok is here with donuts and coffee. More importantly, there is no use torturing himself by letting his heart break in the presence of  you. 

“What is this, a party?” Taehyung’s bare feet smack against the hardwood, and he plops himself in the chair next to Hoseok, “did you get me coffee this time?” 

The two of them bicker good-naturedly, with Hoseok explaining a little kindness goes a long way and Taehyung muttering that kindness doesn’t happen without caffeine. Jungkook excuses himself, feeling very much out of place as he moves to your bedroom to pack his things. 

“You’re leaving?” you’re standing in the middle of your bedroom, now dressed in a long t-shirt and your hair tied clean and away from your face. You look pretty. 

“Yeah,” he says shortly, stuffing his jeans in his bag and making sure all traces of him are gone from your bedroom. “Need to sort things out,” he excuses, and while you may not buy it, he really does. He feels heartbroken, angry at the world. Maybe he could visit Yoongi today and get a demo in, put all this pent-up emotion to good use. “But Hoseok brought you breakfast, he’s a good friend, he’ll explain everything.” 

“But I don’t know Hoseok,” you mumble, picking at the hem of your band shirt. You’re pouting, stubborn. 

“But you don’t know me either,” Jungkook retorts, not unkindly, but not exactly gentle. “I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you.” 

There’s a hard rip at his zipper, putting in a little too much force as he seals away all his things into a compact backpack. Heck, he even went as far as to take back the hoodie he lent you last month, making sure the fabric is crisp and folded so he can stow it away from your curious eyes. He shoves on his denim jacket from last night, still lingering with the scents of sand and saltwater. It makes him sombre, and the selfish part of him wishes to bottle up that scent and tuck it away forever. 

“You’re wrong,” you blurt when he moves toward the door. His hand lingers over the knob, “I do know you.” 

He narrows his dark eyes, taking in your honest expression, “At Jimin’s job, maybe? I did a couple interviews in the beginning of February. Maybe we passed each other while you had lunch with him.” 

“No. You sang to me, talked to me, as much as you could up until this moment.” 

He remembers the stories you fed to him last night under the stars, shameless and full of love as you explained to him of his other self. The life where he’s a renowned singer, a Golden Boy, one of the most revered in his industry. A life he could only dream of, yet somewhere out there he’s living it in another body making that dream come true. 

Thoughts are running through his head, memories that aren’t his own. He could only imagine what you must’ve gone through, recovering in a hospital bed for two months, unable to move but actively aware of the pain and anguish. How confused you must’ve been, aching to figure out what the hell is going on, acutely aware of the voices constantly chattering about your well-being. 

One of those voices being Jeon Jungkook, who was probably taking care of you night and day. 

His head is starting to throb, and he feels like he’s five seconds away from spiraling. 

“I’d… I’d feel more comfortable around you, Jungkook,” you confess, reaching for his hand, “but if you need to, you can go,” you bite your lip, folding in on yourself once more, “if it hurts too much to be around me right now.” 

He gladly takes your hand, rubbing his thumb between your palm. The familiar sparks he feels when he holds it return, but tamps it down for the sake of your vulnerability. It’s not your fault you’re in this situation. “No… I’m just gonna go home for a bit, clear my schedule,” he gives you a little smile, and he inflates a bit when you give him one of your own. “I’ll come back for you after breakfast.”

“You promise?” 

“Promise.” 

You pull him into an unexpected hug, suddenly fearing he may never come back. 

“I always wondered what the man looked like behind the voice,” and you’re suddenly melting, feeling a sense of familiarity as you let your heart run faster than your brain when you let him hold you in his arms. He smells just like him, too. 

His embrace is tight, and his arms fit in all the little curves and spots that make you feel warm and safe. “And am I living up to your expectations?” it’s a half-joke, after all the both of you are  going simply by feeling and there’s no way in hell would he even attempt to compare himself to well, himself. 

You pull away to look at him, really look at him. Honest, clear eyes. Jungkook thinks he sees the world in your gaze. “Only if you eat a donut before you go,” you reply with a shy smile. 

At your defiant mention of food he can’t help but grin like a maniac, letting you tug him back out to sit at the counter with him and have breakfast. Like he said before, he can’t wait to fall in love all over again. 

[alpacaparkaseok]

7 Secrets Drabbles

The one where Jungkook finds out

This is a Drabble/oneshot based off of my soulmate series “7 Secrets” from the point of view of Jungkook. Namjoon says that Jungkook is the one who originally found out about the soulmates, so I thought it’d be fun to show what happened exactly. Enjoy!

Genre: BTS Soulmate au

Warnings: None as far as I know

Word count: 1.7k 

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Song recommendation: “Invisible String” by Taylor Swift

Tapping on the door I wait for a few seconds before peeking my head into the room. Clutching my laptop close to my chest it takes a moment before my eyes adjust to the dimly lit room.

“Oh, hey Jungkook. How’s it going?” One of the staff on the editing team greets me, shuffling around as he clicks around on his computer. 

 “Hey Ji-hoon. Can I borrow your computer again? My editing program crashed, and I really want to get this done.” I hold up my laptop for emphasis. 

Ji-hoon’s eyes trail over to his screen, nodding absentmindedly while he no doubt gets the program up and running. “Uh, yeah. That’s fine...let me just…” He snaps his fingers when he finishes. “There you go! Just don’t go in and mess up my stuff, alright?” He teases me.

 I’m quick to promise him I won’t do anything of the sort. “Are you going somewhere?” I ask as Ji-hoon grabs his jacket. He nods, edging his way toward the door.

“Yeah, meeting up with some friends for dinner. I just stayed a little later so I could get ahead on some stuff. When you’re finished just save everything and shut it down, alright?” With that, Ji-hoon disappears from sight. 

I sigh, settling down into his chair. My eyes grow wide, getting into the zone as I try my best to get back to the point I was in the editing process before my program decided to kick me out. 

 The hours tick by, and I jump up with a shock as I glimpse the time. 

“Oh no,” I groan. “Jin is going to kill me.” I was supposed to help him with our unit song tonight. He’s probably been waiting for over an hour. 

 Quickly, I save and am in the process of trying to send myself the edited video when something catches my eye. On the bottom right-hand corner of the computer is a sticky note. Clearly in Ji-hoon’s writing, which says, “fix opening credits for ep. 64”. 

I furrow my brow. “What episode is he talking about?” It’s been a while since the 64th episode of Run! BTS. I quickly send off my edited video, leaning back in the chair and rubbing my eyes. 

Editing is a kind of twisted hobby of mine. It’s exhausting, but it’s also the most calming thing in the world to me. Once I manage to sit up again I go to power of the computer. A thought pops up into my head. 

 “Ji-hoon seemed like he was in a rush earlier...I should probably help him fix the opening credits for episode 64 so he doesn’t have to worry about it later. That can be my thanks to him for letting me use his stuff all the time.”

Mumbling to myself has long become a habit, and it’s in moments like these that I completely forget I don’t have an audience to narrate every little thing for. 

Rolling my neck and sending Jin a text apologizing for showing up late, I get to work. Jin will understand, he’d do the same.

It doesn’t take me long to bring the files back up, quickly finding the video again. I double click on it, turning the volume down low and double checking that Ji-hoon isn’t about to barge in here demanding to know what I’m doing. 

 The screen is black for a moment, just the words, “Insert opening credits” showing up before big bold letters spill across the screen. 

 Episode 64 - “Back to school” I hum in acknowledgement, we’ve certainly had plenty of school-related episodes in Run! BTS. However, when the scene that first appears is inside a kitchen that I’m sure I’ve never seen before, I’m wracking my brain, trying to place the episode. 

 Quickly pausing it, I pull up the calendar on my phone. If this was episode 64 of Run it would have been in… February?

“We didn’t film anything in February…” I mumble. “Was this already recorded?” I shrug, pressing play. Maybe I’ll remember it once I watch it through. Shaking off the strange feeling in my stomach that forces me to the edge of my seat, I watch with wide eyes. 

 “Soon-ah?” A whisper comes from the audio, although the owner of the feminine voice is nowhere to be found. “Soon-ah? I’m so sorry, did I wake you up?” Indecipherable mumbles respond. “Oh, ok. I was just wondering, could you maybe help me with the map one more time before I leave? I’m scared that I’ve got it all backwards, and I don’t want to be late for my first class because I’m lost.”

Some more grumbling and loud thumping happen before a girl appears in view. She’s chewing on her lip, clearly nervous about something. Heading toward the kitchen she reaches up for a bowl, map tucked under her arm. Looking directly into the camera she gives a cheery wave despite her obvious nerves. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to breathe. Or formulate sentences.

“You...you…” The words fall from my lips without my consent. “This is…what is this? Where - who…”

I know who that is. Even though she remains nameless to me for the moment, I know exactly who that is. The girl in the screen continues on, completely clueless to my current predicament. She’s humming to herself, pouring a bowl of cereal. I find myself leaning closer, nearly falling off my chair in the process. 

“Wha- what’s the map for? Where are you going? Is there a map I can use that will lead me to you?” The questions dive off my tongue even though I know the chances of the girl before me turning back to the camera and answering them are slim to none. 

 “Do you want me to bring you food, Soon-ah?” The angel asks, eyes looking down the hallway. I’m pinching myself, fighting the urge to cry out and beg her to turn around again. Look at the camera. Look at me. 

 The girl shrugs when she receives an answer that the audio doesn’t pick up. That’s when I notice the microphone clipped to the girl’s clothes. Somehow, these girls are aware and participating in some sort of show… Why didn’t I know about this? 

 Wait, why am I upset about this?

It’s almost as if she hears my thoughts, because the girl is quick to turn around and remind me of exactly why I should be upset about not knowing about her existence earlier. She returns the box of cereal to where it must be resting beside the camera. Looking into the camera again as though it’s an everyday occurrence, she winks. 

 “I’m starting my first day at the university, so if you’re watching this Jungkook, wish me luck. I’ll do my best not to get lost,” she holds up the map to emphasize just how hard she’s trying to not get lost.

 “You...this is for me? I- good luck!” Too many thoughts are rolling around my head now to really get anything straight, but there is one thought that sticks around. I breathe it out. 

 “I never got my results back.” 

 Hand running through my hair at lightning speed I gulp down as much as my lungs will allow. Suddenly the floor has disappeared from beneath me as I remember with a start going in for soulmate testing. The procedures lasted about a week, and we were told that we would be given our results within a couple of months. Counting in my head I strain to remember when that was. Definitely more than two months. 

 More like three years. 

 While we were told beforehand that most results come back as inconclusive, we were actually never told that’s what happened with our tests. I guess I just assumed as much when we never heard back about it. 

 But there’s this girl in a kitchen hunched over eating cereal and studying a map out with such precious concentration that I can’t help but curse myself for being so young and naive and stupid. I should have demanded an answer. 

 A moment passes before another girl hops into the kitchen, the two of them smiling. “Are you excited? I see you’re back to studying that map.” The new girl asks, stuffing her hands in her hoodie as she begins studying out the contents of the fridge. 

 It’s a BTS hoodie, that much I can see. However, when she finally turns her back to the camera I chuckle. More specifically, it’s a Suga hoodie. 

 “Yeah, I think so. It feels nice to take this next step instead of just…” the girl with the map; my girl, sneaks a look at the camera. My heart stutters at the indirect eye contact. “You know. Waiting.”

I jump as my phone suddenly sounds, hardly able to tear my attention away from the scene in front of me. Quickly pausing it I see Jin’s contact photo taking up the screen of my phone, and I answer it.

“Where are you?” 

 I don’t bother to answer his question as a sob I didn’t realize I was containing rips through me. “Hyung! H-hyung you won’t believe this.”

“Kook where are you? Is everything al-”

“Soulmates, hyung! We have soulmates! And they never told us, they’ve kept them from us, but they’re real and...and mine is going to the university and she’s so nervous and-”

“Jungkook,” Jin breathes out in wonder. “What happened? Where are you?”

I’m already a step ahead of him, quickly exporting the video and sending it to my personal email. There’s no way I’m losing this, not now that I finally know. 

“I’m still at work, I’m on the bottom floor.” My voice still wavers, but it’s growing steadily harder as the fire within me threatens to set everything it touches alfame. Starting with Bang PD. “Just, wait for me, ok? Meet me in the conference room on the second floor. I have something to show you.”

I don’t even wait to hear a response before I’m up, reluctantly closing out of the computer before bolting out the door and up to the second floor. Holding my laptop close to my chest I dial another number, the tears already flowing as I hear his voice. 

 “Hey Kook, what’s-”

“Joon,” I croak out, the tears making my throat close up. “I need you to listen to me, this is important.”

Taglist: @taylorroe3 @mae-musicbitch @agustneeds @eusticenatalie @heartblackerthancoffee

[lilacpotter]

The things you do for me

Even woke up to bright sunshine hitting his cheek. And he blinked. He blinked several times until he was convinced he wasn’t dreaming.

Sunshine during February in Oslo was a rare sight, with only at most three hours of it, the chilly cold added up to his gloomy mood throughout the whole day.

It didn’t help that he was just recovering from an episode. A month ago, it would have been pretty bad, but right now it felt like he was slowly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. His depression was slowly fading away, and the bright, happy version of himself suddenly didn’t seem too far away.

So when he woke up to sunshine this morning, it brightened his mood twenty times up and he yawned with a smile, feeling life run through his weak veins and muscles.

A distinctive smell made him sniff the air out, and he looked to his side only to find that Isak wasn’t there.

He was about to burrow back into his blankets for a bit more when his eye caught a light card by the nightstand.

Curiously, he pulled it out. It had Isak’s handwriting on it.

   Happy Valentine’s day, baby! And a very good morning. Just wanted to remind you that I love you. And that you mean so much to me. I have so much planned for today, and no, don’t worry, it does not include us going out and skating on the snow only for you to fall on your ass. I may not be as romantic as you but I do know things, okay? Stop smiling.

Love you,

Now get out of bed and fresh up ;)

 Even was indeed smiling. Isak had planned things. It made his heart soar.

And holy shit. It was feb 14th. The valentine’s day.

Even suddenly felt a bit guilty that he hadn’t remembered about this even yesterday. Shit. Now that he realized, he wondered if he had missed any references that Isak might have tried to make. Had he?

It only started giving him a slight headache, so instead of dwelling in his thoughts much further, he took a few deep breaths before getting up off the bed and heading to the bathroom to fresh up like Isak told him to.

 By the time he finished brushing his teeth up and washing his face, the smells from the kitchen intensified and a very flushed-looking Isak brought a plate full of baked French toast, complete with fresh berries and maple sauce.

“God morgen,” he wished Even, pecking him briefly before pulling his boyfriend back into the bedroom onto their bed.

Even watched him lay down the plates in fascination as he settled back onto the mattress.

“You made these?” he asked in disbelief, pointing to the delicacy on the bed.

Isak let out an offended scoff. “Of course, I did,” he continued when Even arched an amused eyebrow at him. “I was working so hard for the last week to achieve this perfection, Even, mind you.” He said, then breaking into a smile when Even laughed. “You have like it. Even if it tastes bad.”

Even couldn’t believe his boyfriend. “Even if it tastes bad?”

“Yes,” Isak nodded.

“And what if I don’t?” Even asked with a wink.

Isak faked a look of shock. “You would never do that to me!”

Even shrugged a little, as if he was considering it. “I mean…”

“Even!” Isak said, making Even laugh out loud. And he saw a glimmer of joy on Isak’s face.

Even had missed it. He might not have looked like he cared but he had missed it. Missed Isak’s playful banter, his precious laugh and his joyful face. The past year had been rough for them both, just like it had been for the rest of the world. And in the midst of all this, Even having an episode definitely didn’t help things.

 Isak’s smile paused, before he inched closer, pulling Even into himself with another kiss.

“Let’s eat,” he murmered.

And how beautiful he looked in the early morning pale sunshine. Even felt himself get lost in his honey shaded curls, at the tempting dip beneath his pink lips, at his gorgeous green eyes.

They ate in silence, although it might not be considered silence if they both kept moaning at the taste.

“It tastes so good, Isak. Much better than it even looks.” Even said, and a bit of a surprised tone might’ve leaked into his voice because the next second Isak was laughing, shooting a “Fuck you,” in his direction.

Even smiled along. “I can’t believe it’s not burnt this time,” he teased.

Isak groaned aloud. “Oh my god, that was one time, Even.” He sighed dramatically. “you won’t let me live that down, will you?”

“Never,” Even stole a kiss from his cheek. “But seriously though, thank you, baby,” He murmured, leaning down. “I love you.”

The younger boy stared back at him with dark eyes. “I love you too,” he said, voice dripping with desire.

But before Even could pull him back to kiss him again- much more fervently this time, Isak wriggled off his embrace gently.

Even pouted at him. “Come on, baby,”

Isak gave him another peck before saying, “Not now, Evi. Let’s save this for evening,” he winked. “But only if you want though,” he said, suddenly serious.

Even knew what he was talking about. And he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that yet. He was still in his depressive mood even if he was functioning like a normal human being these days.

But he couldn’t deny he was feeing a bit hopeful today.

“Yes sure,” he nodded with a smile.

 .

 They spent the rest of the morning curled up in bed, revisiting all the valentine’s days they had spent together till date.

Last year, they had spent their time at the beach, basking in the sun while they sipped on their cold drinks.

The before year had been spent in Oslo itself, but the pandemic wasn’t there yet and so they had a double date with Jonas and Eva. It had been fun.

  They both watched their favourite show for a while, gossiping about it for almost half an hour before Isak got up to do some work.

Even didn’t ask him what, he knew what was happening. It had always been him who made all the grand gestures on Valentine’s day. And for the first time, this year, Even couldn’t do it.

He knew Isak had taken his role. He could see the way their bed was littered with all the beautiful rose petals, or suddenly how clean their desks and shelves were suddenly looking, or how there was this lovely, soft atmosphere all around unlike the gloomy shroud that had inhibited their room until yesterday. He could see.

Isak was doing it for him this time.

And the thought itself gave Even butterflies in his tummy. He was giddy with happiness. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long while.

Isak returned back with his forehead slightly sweaty, but it was nothing compared to how they both were after a session of ridiculous dancing to Gabrielle.

.

 Half an hour later at Isak’s demands, Even found himself slowly sinking into the warm water in their bathroom with a relaxed sigh. He wished to live here forever, to die here, to build his life here.

It was too good.

Bright red petals kept floating on the warm, scented, frothy water around him. And a light soft melody played around. Candles flickered, casting a warm glow all around as they stood on the edges of the bathtub and Even inhaled in the sweet scent of the room, watching the white ribbons of vapour of the water fly up, up and up.

He let his head fall back, his legs stretch and his arms spread on the bathtub’s sides.

Fuck, this was good.

  The door opened softly and Isak stepped inside with his towel around his hips. Even grinned at him mischeviously and watched him roll his eyes, before dropping the towel shyly and walking upto Even.

Even’s mouth watered at the sight of him, and he felt a jolt in his heart thinking how long it had been since they had done anything intimate.

 Isak kneeled down beneath the bathtub, his face glowing in the pale warm candlelight as he leaned in to Even with a knowing smile.

“Enjoying yourself?” He asked, his hand twirling around in the water slowly.

“Mhmm,” Even nodded, giddy and relaxed. He hadn’t felt this in so many months. His muscles that had been frozen seemed to be slowly easing back and he kept hearing little, tiny pops as he moved his limbs around in the water. “Get in with me,” he said to Isak, suddenly bent with desire.

  Ten minutes later, Even found himself with an armful of naked Isak flushed against his chest. Both of them enjoying the sensual calmness as they sipped on their champagnes. This was so romantic, the roses, the music, and the candles, that Even couldn’t help but feel his heart soar at the thought that Isak had done all of this for him.

“I love you,” he whispered into his boyfriend’s neck for the tenth time that day. It never felt like enough. Telling Isak he loved him. Because it was true.

Isak tipped his head back, looking dazed with love. They kissed again, slowly, softly. Until they had to break apart for air. Until their lips felt spent. Until they started craving for more. Until they couldn’t ignore the gnawing sensation between them both.

.

  Isak was trailing his hand down Even’s chest and he paused before getting a hold of him.

“Is this okay?”

Even nodded, his eyes dark with lust. “It’s more than okay,” he replied, and Isak smirked back, obviously delighted that Even’s libido was coming around.

.

“Fuck, Isak, just like that,”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby,”

 .

 “Even, are you fucking serious right now!”

Isak spluttered, his face covered in white flour. He looked adorable.

“What!” Even chuckled, dusting his hands onto the napkin.

It was evening. And after a very fruitful session on their bed all noon, Isak had finally agreed to get up and help Even in making cupcakes and his “ridiculous” heart shaped candies.

“Clean me up,” his boy demanded, pointing a spatula at Even warningly. “Or else..” he trailed off as if Even should know.

“ooh, kinky,” Even teased making the younger boy scoff at him.

“I’m serious. Or else, I’m not gonna help you out in making your cupcakes anymore.” He said while Even turned back to the batter in front of him.

He dropped a few chocolate chips and sprinkles before pouring them into the moulds.

“Baby, I think it’s safe to say that I did most of the work in here,” Even said with a wink.

Isak rolled his eyes at him. “No fucking way. Should I remind you who made the breakfast?”

Even feigned a dramatic sigh. “Shit yeah. How could I forget! The delicious and brilliantly put together baked French toast. Although, I thought the berries were way too sweet.”

Isak flipped him off while Even laughed heartily. But his laughs died down abruptly when his sneaky little shit of a boyfriend threw a handful of flour onto Even’s face.

He spluttered in disbelief. “Wha-”

“Revenge,” Isak said simply, dusting his own face off with the napkin. A grin playing at his mouth.

“You can’t do that!”

“Oh, there are rules here now?” Isak asked.

“Uh yeah?” Even said, mimicking Isak’s facial expression the first time they both had kissed.

They both exploded out in giggles. First Isak, then Even.

They had tried recreating their first kiss a while ago in the bathtub, except it ended being more disastrous than anything close to romantic. But Even loved it.

“Drittfyr, it still doesn’t explain why you threw flour over me!” Isak pointed out, suddenly remembering why they had been bantering.

Even shrugged at him. “Because I wanted to see your grumpy self,” he admitted. “I was missing that side of you.” He teased, and earned another handful of flour onto his face and shirt.

“Fuck you,”

“We just did that, baby,”

“Oh my god!”

“And it was spectacular too-”

“Even”

“Don’t worry. You look super cute when you are grumpy.”

“ugh”  

.

  “Even…”

“Isak…”

“I hate this movie, god.” Isak groaned aloud in the dark.

They were both cocooned cozily between the blankets for the night, the tv playing one of the old classics that Even loved.

  He smiled down at his boyfriend who was half-sleeping by his chest. “You can sleep if you want.”

Isak scoffed by his chest lightly, burrowing deeper. “I didn’t mean that,” he murmured, already closing his eyes softly.

Even carded his fingers through his hair with a laugh

“You should go to sleep, baby. You did so much for me today.”

They had a luxurious dinner date a while ago at their home itself. Even couldn’t believe all that Isak had done to make their date seem perfect. And it was perfect. Even more so than that.

It was perfect, cozy and sweet.

But the thing that left him with happy tingles in his body was Isak cooking up most of the dinner for them both. Even couldn’t get enough of watching Isak move around the kitchen with a calculated look and an observing frown.

 They spent the rest of the evening playing silly games- Even winning more times than Isak,   then video calling their friends, and finally watching the stars outside for a while out in the balcony with Isak pointing out his favorite constellations.

 Isak let out a scoff again. “It was nothing compared to how much you do for me always.”

Even pulled him closer to himself. “That’s not true.”

Isak sounded so small when he said, “No?”

Even wished he could hold this boy and make him see how much today meant for him.  

“No,” He said, pressing a light kiss to his boy’s curls. “Everything you do means so much to me. Today..” he took a deep breath. “Thank you so much for today, baby. It was perfect. I think I feel so much more happier today than I felt in the last two months combined.” He admitted.

“But, we didn’t even go out anywhere,” Isak said, sounding insecure. “No fancy date at restaurant, or somewhere else. We could have done so much-”

“-Isak…” Even cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing else compares to the things you do for me.” He said firmly, staring into Isak’s green irises. “You- I wish you could see how much today means to me. It was perfect, baby. More than perfect. You doing all this just for me, it’s a lot. And it’s more than enough. I don’t need anything else. If I could redo this day again, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I love it the way it is. Everything about it. I love you. And everything you give me.”

He heard Isak’s breath hitch slightly, before he turned his face up and looked up at Even with his big, doe eyes. So adorable.

“You mean that?” he asked, unsure and shy.

Even nodded, pecking him once. “I absolutely mean that.”

Isak watched him for a minute or two from beneath his eyelashes, before he turned his face back down to smash it against Even’s chest.

He shrugged. “I learned the dinner from Eva. So I guess she does know how to cook.” He admitted to the dark, and Even raised his brows in amusement.

“And the idea of bubble bath and the roses, candles..?” he prompted.

Isak shrugged again. “Magnus’s.”

Even laughed out loud in disbelief, causing Isak to quirk a smile. “Seriously?“

“Yeah,” Isak grinned.

“holy fuck.” Even said. “And…the sex part?” he added slowly.

“That was mine! Wtf,” Isak quickly said, looking flustered, and making the older boy chuckle. “Drittfyr,” He muttered in offence as he punched Even’s stomach lightly.

“Ouch,”

Isak exploded out in little giggles, and they wrestled playfully for a while until the movie on the screen came to an end and they both yawned loudly.

“Let’s sleep?” Even asked, but Isak was already pulling him down to the pillows. He nuzzled up to his chest and nodded.

“Happy Valentine’s day, Even.” Isak said.

Even kissed his forehead after turning off the tv screen. “Same to you, baby. Thank for making this year’s so special”

He will never forget this day.

“Jeg elsker deg,”

“Love you too,”

Somewhere around the time when Even felt like drifting off to sleep, he thought he heard Isak say, “There’s still one more gift left. Cabin trip this weekend. I have got tons of shit planned.”

[batfam-rewrites]

Batfam During Quarantine: Thanksgiving

Dick: Hey, the Gordon’s are here! What’s up Babs!

Barbara: Nothing much! *kisses Dick on the cheek*

Damian: Father, are the Kent’s coming this year?

Bruce: Unfortunately not this year.

Damian: Damn it.

Jason: Yes! That means we can watch My Cousin Vinny early this year!

Duke: I’m sorry, what?

Dick: Okay so Duke, you know how every family has their own traditions for Thanksgiving?

Duke: Yeah!

Dick: Well this started back when I was 16 and was Robin. Babs and I weren’t that interested in football so we decided to go into the media room and watch My Cousin Vinny. Since then it’s become a tradition to go into the media room and watch the movie. In previous years, we had set up the living room for the football game, the dining room would play a mix of tv Thanksgiving episodes, and the media room would play hockey or basketball. Then after Damian went to bed, we’d watch My Cousin Vinny.

Duke: Not going to lie, I lost track half way through, I think basketball was mentioned, but I’m just going to watch the game.

Dick: Probably the safest choice.

Tim: *whines* Damian, stop hogging all the cheesey mash potatoes!

Damian: I will slit your throat, Drake!

Duke: *look of horror fills his face*

Dick: Like I said, safe choice.

Tim: You’re not so scary anymore, so STOP THREATENING ME!

Duke: It’s only mashed potatoes though...

Dick: Let me stop you right there. These are cheesey mash potatoes, not only that but these are Alfred’s cheesey mash potatoes, which is like the greatest on the planet! You’ll want to grab extra before it disappears. You’ll also want to grab extra cornbread. 

Bruce: Boys, what’s going on? 

Damian: Tim’s complaining.

Tim: Damian’s hogging all the cheesey mash potatoes!

Bruce: Tim, you’re 17, stop whining. Damian, I swear if there isn’t any left when I come for seconds I will throw you out on the street!

Damian: Okay, father.

Everyone sits down at the table and gets ready to say what their thankful for.

Bruce: *mutes the tv* Okay, I’ll get this started. I am very thankful *looks and smiles at Selina* that Selina and I finally got to tie the knot this year. It has been a long winding road that lead to this, but I’m glad I can finally say that you are my lovely wife.

Selina: *wipes a tear from her eyes* Damn hon, you stole mine! I guess I’m thankful for this wonderful feast that Alfred, Tim, and Cass prepared for us.

Alfred: I am thankful that I was able to bond with my daughter Julia. I know I haven’t been there for you in the past when I should have been, and I know it is too late now, but I have enjoyed the last year and a half we were able to spend together and I hope to learn more about you as quarantine continues. 

Julia: I’m thankful for getting closure. I spent most of my life resenting you, only now to realize that you were only honoring you own father’s promise he made with you. I’m so sorry for hating you for so long. *hugs Alfred*

Kate: I’m grateful for this year. Sure it has gone to shit in the worst way possible, but I finally got to catch up on some shows!

Dick: Smart, toit. I’m truly thankful for this pandemic, because I feel it has brought us closer together as a family.

Barbara: Well I am super thankful for this BIG ASS ROCK ON MY FINGER! I love you Dick! I always have and always will! I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with you. *Barbara and Dick share a quick kiss*

Jim: I am grateful to have such a loving and supportive family. Eileen, you’re my rock, and Barbara, you are the best thing that happened to us. I can’t imagine life without you girls.

Eileen: I am grateful for all the extra time we’ve had at home to clean out the apartment.

Tim: Alright, I’m next. I am thankful for coffee because it’s coffee.

Dick: Nope. You were thankful for coffee last year.

Tim: I am thankful for Red Bull, because it gave me wings.

Dick: *buries his face into his hands*

Stephanie: I am thankful to be out of my own house. I hate my parents. 

Helena: I’m thankful for being accepted into this family. I never said this but it means a lot to me. Thanks B.

Jason: Skip me, I ain’t doing this shit! I hate you all.

Dick: *gets up and heads towards Jason to give him a hug* Oh come on Jason, you know you love us!

Jason: *gets up and runs* Stay away Dick! No one likes your hugs!

Dick: *chasing Jason* Let me love you Jay! I’m trying to be a loving brother!

Jason: Stay away! I will stab you!

Harper: I’m celebrating today for this shit! You guys are so damn weird!

Cullen: I am thankful for my sister, who always has my back.

Jason: *runs back into the room and knocks over a vase*

Bruce: Jason, Dick, stop running around the damn house and clean up your mess!

Dick and Jason: Got it Bruce!

Cassandra: I am thankful for the fact that I am able to spend this year in a new and better family! I am also thankful for the fact that I can now speak multiple sentences! I love you all for helping me out!

Duke: I’m glad some middle aged rich white dude has an adoption addiction and took me in. Not dropping names, but we know who that man is. 

Damian: I’m happy I’m finally old enough to watch My Cousin Vinny and go Black Friday shopping.

Bruce: Only my older kids are going, you’re staying here Damian. Nice try though.

Damian: Damn it.

They all ate their feast while the tv played in the background, but no one gave it much attention. They all talked about stories they have or things they’ve done. When they finished eating, most of them began to play hide and seek in the mansion while the others watched the football game. And when that ended, that’s when Jim and Eileen left for the night, leaving them all to watch the movie.

Two hours later

Duke: What the fuck is wrong with you people! I mean the movie was great, but why do you watch this on Thanksgiving?

Dick: When I were 16, Babs was 17...

Duke: Yeah, I remember, but why this movie?

Barbara and Dick: Idunknow.

Damian: That was an awesome damn movie!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Without getting too sappy, I want to say I’m very thankful for all of you who like/reblogged my post or have followed my tumblr! It really means a lot to me. I know this doesn’t go with my last post, but I figured I’d do this now because it would be weird to upload this in possibly February (not quite up to date with it but that will hopefully change soon). I posted this last minute so there might be a few errors or some things I might change when I reblog this with the added Black Friday shopping story that I’ll upload tonight. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and stay safe if you’re going Black Friday shopping!

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Who are your top five NHL teams and why?

Ooooo this is fun! Thanks anon!

Short list:

Habs ❤️🤍💙

Pens 🐧

Canucks 🌈🌊

Caps 🦅

Leafs 🟦🍁🟦 (no really! I know I don’t talk about them much but its true!)

Over-wordy explanations/backstory for my relationship to each of these teams below the cut for those interested!

Montreal Canadiens. My dearly beloved Nana, who half-raised me, is a lifelong diehard Habs fan who grew up listening to their games on the radio and then later as an adult watching them duel with the Leafs on Saturday nights on a black-and-white tv (also a BIG Carey Price stan). Needless to say she rubbed off on me immensely, and I remember saying to myself at some point “well, if that’s Nana’s team, that’s gonna be my team too” and it stuck for life. I also had a friend in middle school who was a RELIGIOUS Habs fan who also worshipped at the altar of Jesus Price in those early 2010’s, so I heard a LOT about all of that every lunch break as he argued with friends who were Pens and Bruins fans lol. We went on the Bell Centre tour during the annual 9th grade French class trip to Quebec, and while I was mostly focused on getting to the gift shop to buy Nana a souvenir, I swear my friend’s eyes were the size of quarters the whole time lmao. (Would LOVE to go back now that I care a lot). Basically the Habs are the closest thing to a local NHL team our region has bc we get their broadcasts (though people choose their own team allegiances for various random personal reasons), and I grew up absorbing through osmosis both the legends of yore and the latest updates on whatever Carey and PK and the lads were up to. (Also I’ve been quietly in love with Price myself since at least the 2014 Olympics lol. My first best fav ❤️) Bottom line the Habs are My Team, the “I’m gonna be here even when it sucks, even when players move on, this is attached to me in a way I can’t quite explain” team that every hockey fan has in their heart. GO HABS GO!

Pittsburgh Penguins. If you were an elementary school kid in Nova Scotia when Sidney Crosby was first released and up through the 2010’s, you had two options: love him, or hate him, but you better accept you’re gonna be hearing about him a LOT. I settled on “vague fondness” and followed Sid from a newspaper-scanning distance and vaguely rooted for him because when he brought the Cup home it felt like we all won. And like I said, lots of passionate Pens fans in my grade school classes to hear from (he’s also the only non-Habs player my Nana likes lol). Then I got into hockey properly last year and learned about Geno beyond just knowing his name, and my chronic affection for large loveable Russians got combined with my longstanding vague “I hope the Penguins win” feelings and my “time to get the full story on the Sidney Crosby’s Penguins narrative I only ever watched from a distance” research, in a manner not unlike the creation of the PowerPuff Girls ([chemical X] etc etc lol) to create a potent adoration for this team that rocketed them to second place in my heart. Also the fandom is just so damn fun and makes such great content, and that definitely feeds my level of engagement with the Pens!! Sometimes, when I want an emotional pick-me-up I watch one of their last 3 championship films just to remember what joy and optimism is — I would love to be present as a real-time fan for another adventure like that. With how much I know about them and how much I care, they’re my #2 for sure. I love those flightless fucks!!

Vancouver Canucks. So I started watching live NHL hockey games last summer around I think game 2 of the Habs’ first round series against the Flyers (I saw Price’s “Miracle Save” on twitter while following along bc I was intrigued by the fact that they made it through the play-ins, and was like “OKAY NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT LIVE”). That was really fun! Riiiight up until the Habs got eliminated. :/ And I was like “well, shit. I’m enjoying this hockey thing too much to stop now. who else is still around I can root for?” And the Canucks were the last Canadian team still in it, and there was buzz about their miraculous first-round win but also uncertainty I believe Markstrom had *just* got injured. So I started watching, ended up witnessing the Bubble Demko Miracle unfold live, had my heart charmed off me by “whatever the hell those two lil blonde bitches have going on” and a delightful underdog story, and here I am. Hitched to the Canuck wagon whether I enjoy it or not. Here for whatever happens! (Doesn’t hurt that I love me some Elton John too 😉)

Washington Capitals. I’m a person who is more likely to be really engaged with a team that has super interesting personalities, characters, and narratives around it — and my GOD are the Capitals good for that. I absolutely definitely started down this road with that mic’d up video from the 2018 final of Ovi telling Nicke “after me, I give it to you baby!” re: the Cup. Like I can pinpoint that there was a day I saw that for the first time in a gifset, squinted at the screen, said “you’re fucking with me...”, went to youtube, watched it be for reals, and was like “well. now I need to know more about ALL this.” After watching games and learning more about the team, I really enjoy the Caps’ “big dumb found family of stone-cold total weirdos” energy, their fun collective chemistry, their Cup story, etc. And oh BOY the fandom is fun during game lb’s! I love all the in-jokes and player nicknames, our delight with the quirks of our colourful wonderful broadcast crew (shoutout Wine Uncles & Co), the way we cheer for record-breaking milestones like they’re a first NHL goal! Being a fan of the Caps AND the Pens can be a bit awkward sometimes, and the team certainly has its blemishes, but my heart is big enough for two Metro teams for sure, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Toronto Maple Leafs. So like, as you can imagine from my previously described upbringing in Hab Land, “haha Leafs suck” is a punchline I have long been familiar with and trained to recite. I got a solid 3 days of laughter and entertainment out of the whole Zamboni Driver Saga last February, oh boy did I ever. But the thing is.... I have the Leafs to thank for the fact that I watch hockey now. See, the entire reason I started paying proper attention to the playoff bubble last summer was because one day, I happened to see the phrase “WHAT IS HAPPENING” trending at 16k tweets on twitter, and clicked on it like “huh?”. Turns out the Leafs were in the middle of their miraculous 3-minute comeback against Columbus and the country was losing its mind. And when they won, I was like “huh... the Zamboni Team is doing THIS??? I may have to start paying attention to this playoffs thing, because if they go All The Way I think that might be the only thing funnier than the Zamboni Incident”. Aaaaand when they immediately lost the next game and were eliminated I was like “lol, sounds about right” and was then immediately distracted by news of the Habs winning the play-in round. So then I spent several months watching playoffs and forgetting about the Leafs. And then one day in early October, looking on YouTube for more hockey to watch after the playoffs ended, I stumbled across something called a Hat Pick, and boy I actually enjoyed this shouty man’s sense of humour and takes on the game... and then when I ran out of Hat Picks and Dangits I watched some Trade Trees, which pulled back the curtain on the business side of the game... and then I discovered LFR’s, which were good background noise for doing tasks... and then I was recommended the episode of the Steve Dangle Podcast about Mitch Marner and The List... and next thing I knew I was listening to more of this podcast, because I found Steve and the guys to be insightful and funny and there was no hockey to watch, and I was trepidatious about accidentally stumbling into the more toxic corners of hockey fandom if I branched out for other content... and, well. If you spend enough hours listening to people passionately analyze every facet of a team, shout and cheer over a team, make fun of that team, nearly cry over that team... it’s really REALLY hard to not start to care about it. Leafs analysis was basically how I learned most of what I’ve learned about hockey this past year! And kudos to Steve and Adam and Jesse, their passionate investment in the Leafs and great content has got ME invested in the Leafs mainly because I want to see things go well for them. I want Charlie Brown to kick the football! I love a triumph over adversity story! Also, I think if the Leafs did Do The Thing it would basically be the combination of “Cubs win the World Series” and “Raptors are the champs” and I wanna watch the city of Toronto go fully apeshit from a safe distance. I don’t adore many their individual players as much as I do some other teams higher on this list, and I still laugh far too much when things go super comically impossibly badly for them, but I am actually pulling for the Leafs!! I want to see it all pay off for them. I want them to go all the way. Gimme that “LEAFS WIN!!!” (Unless it’s against someone above them on this list lol)

[intoafandom]

Why I like Kevan Miller, Steven Kampfer, Trent Frederic, Torey Krug, Tuukka Rask etc and why I will continue to like them.

(Sorry this is soooo long but it’s the only way I can explain)

So last night I got an anon ask and the person was asking why I like Kevan Miller when he’s a republican and I mentioned how I would make a separate post explaining my reasoning better and now that I have the time and its no longer 3 am, now seems like a good time lol.

So I’m gunna give a backstory about the players above that I mentioned and why a lot of bruinsblr doesn’t like them (so people that may not be aware know the context of why people are upset/dont like them). Most of bruinsblr doesn’t like Miller or Kampfer because they’re republicans. Everyone on bruinsblr is allowed to dislike them if they choose to. I recognize I’m in the minority on this app when I say I like and support Kevan Miller and Steven Kampfer. People on here also don’t like Torey Krug for the same reason and because he follows/followed Trump’s twitter account (since trumps account got deleted, torey now follows the “trump archives” account). People on here don’t like Tuukka anymore because over the summer, during all the blm stuff in the bubble, Tuukka went on tv in the bubble for an interview with a hat that said “Boston police” on it (the interview also aired right after the Bruins Organization posted about how they stand against racism, so people ended up calling Tuukka a racist hypocrite.) Last night, people on here found out that Trent Frederic follows Trump supporters and republicans on social media, which is why he’s losing some fans on this app. There are probably more stories about other players that I’m not aware of as well but these will be the ones I’m focusing on for now.

I am NOT going to start talking about my political opinions or my position on social issues. My account is called IntoAFandom for a REASON. So I can escape the real world and go “into a fandom” and have some peace. That’s why i never reblog or like or post about any real world events or issues. I want my blog to be solely about things, fandoms, and people that I love and care about. I don’t wanna come on my blog and see how a bombing happened or if someone got shot or this president signed this executive order etc etc. i wanna come on my blog and fangirl about Bucky Barnes being a sweetheart with kids or how amazing Matt Grzelcyk is at “tight turns” etc etc. Hence the name “IntoAFandom.”

I’m getting a lot of questions as to why I still support these players and I’ll definitely answer those questions in this post. Just so my mutuals know where I stand on this.

Now obviously it would be super easy for me to just go “well the player is super nice so i dont care about their political views.” And while that’s partially true for me, its not the only reason. For me, the reason is much deeper than that. I’ve never mentioned or talked about or even said it out loud. I touched upon what I’m about to say in that anon ask I got last night, but I’m going to go into detail now. It’s kind of hard to explain and the only way I can describe it is to tell you about my hockey journey up until this point, and specifically the 2018-19 season.

So one day in April in 2018, I was on school vacation and I was very bored. There was literally nothing on tv. However, as I was scrolling through the channels, I saw that a bruins game was on. I had never really watched hockey before in my life and the only experience I could remember having with it was when my mom was obsessed with them in like 2013 and how she set up this whole contraption to try and watch a game when a snowstorm made us lose connection. So with nothing else on the tv, crippling boredom, and being a Massachusetts native, I put the game on. It was literally just starting and the national anthem was about to start. We were playing the leafs lmao and it was game five or six of the series probably. I cant really remember because I didn’t think I would care this much about hockey at the time of watching it. But what I do remember was how CREEPY Tuukka looked😂 He was just standing there alone with a huge spotlight on him, head down, wearing these huge pads and looking straight up terrifying. I literally started laughing because of how creepy he looked. And then he put his cool ass mask on and right there I knew he was my favorite player. And to this day he is still my favorite. Tuukka was the first hockey player I EVER knew and could remember by name. I gotta admit, at first I thought his name was “Tuuk Arask” because that’s what it sounded like whenever the announcers would say it, specifically Jack Edwards lol. But then I was like “wait is it Arask or Rask” and after looking at his jersey like 3 games later I finally realized it was actually Rask lol. And I was like “Tuukka Rask. So freaking creepy lol. He’s my favorite.” I also have to mention that I’ve always been a sucker for people that play positions that no one else wants to play. Like for example, when I first started watching football in like 2014, my first ever favorite player was Stephen Gostkowski because he was the kicker. He was super good and he was instantly my fav. That’s what Tuukka was like for me. This huge, tall ass, creepy ass, goalie who was playing super well. How could i NOT like him. I didn’t really bother to learn any other players on the bruins team since they got eliminated in the second round. I remember saying to my mom “I don’t want them to be out. I wanna learn more.” I wanted to know more about the game and 6 games, or however many it was, wasn’t enough. So for some reason, I followed them throughout the offseason and in late September/early October I started watching a ton of their older games on YouTube. Not super old obviously, but games from like 2013-2017 ish. Just whatever I could find. And it was so interesting. I tried to only watch games where they actually won so I wasn’t wasting my time lol, but not having to worry about the score helped me start learning the game and some of the rules, like what an icing was for example. So then preseason games started and I got more into it. And then the beginning of the 2018-19 season started. I still didn’t really know any players besides Tuukka, even though I was watching YouTube games. The YouTube ones were more for me to learn the game and the rules rather than players (however, looking back, I did notice that Kevan Miller was a freaking beast, but I just didn’t acknowledge who he actually was. I just saw a player going absolute sicko mode and being like YEEEEAAAAH). The second player I could actually remember by name was Danton Heinen. I noticed he was playing really well and I was like omg who is that and I learned his name and he became one of my favorites with Tuukka. Next was Anders Bjork. I remember I was texting my friends and was trying to make it seem like I wasn’t a complete amateur at hockey knowledge, so I was like “hey guys, Bjork is back in the line up😃” and so I always remembered his name. Next was Ryan Donato because he was literally AWAYS smiling. Every time he was on camera he was SMILING. I loved it so much he was like a little bean. And so he was one of my favorites and i had a top three with him, heino and tuuks.

Now I was watching games and slowly learning important names like Chara, Bergeron, Marchand etc but it wasn’t really on my radar to actually learn all the players because I hadn’t even done that with the patriots who I had been watching and loving for yeeeears. But that was until I decided to watch a behind the b episode. And I was HOOKED. I instantly began to love and care about every single player on the roster. This was in like February of 2019. And that’s when I started trying to name everyone on the team, including their numbers. I made it a mission. I remember writing out lists in math class because I was so bored and would rather try to memorize hockey players. And that’s when I found bruinsblr. It was march by the time I started to post hockey stuff. And i made an instagram account so I could started editing them. I’ve had this blog since 2014 and its seen many phases, but march of 2019 was when I changed it into a mainly bruins blog. And I remember not knowing what “bruins lb” was and i never wanted to tag it because I thought it was like a club or something that I would be intruding on😂 So I started posting and reblogging bruins stuff and posting sucky bruins edits on here and on my insta account. And I started watching every single behind the b episode from every season and I was literally obsessed with the team. And then Donato got traded and i was heartbroken cuz I loved him and I was like Coyle is gunna have to wow me to get me to like him and he DID and i LOVE HIM. But then I decided to have a top five instead of a top three. And it was Tuukka, Krug, DeBrusk, Pasta, and Marchy. They were the players I noticed the most. And Marchy started LICKING people how could i not choose him😂 So then the playoffs come and we beat the leafs in game 7 AGAIN (and I literally missed the first two periods because I was at my confirmation) But I finally understood all the memes about the leafs and I finally understood hockey and hockey culture by this point. I knew the rules, the players, the memes, literally everything. And then we make it to the finals and get lil nas x singing old town road before game 1 and we get JD wearing that stupid hat😂 and the two people from The Office (one of them wanted the bruins to win and the other wanted the blues) and it was all just amazing for me. Then we lost and i was devastated. And we had to see pictures of CMac sobbing on the ice and JD sitting alone in his stall crying and all of them were so sad and after that journey we just went through i was fvcking crying too. We didn’t win, but that 2018-19 season is SO special for me.

The people on this roster (minus gemel smith and lee stempniak) are EXTREMELY special to me. They TAUGHT me hockey. They turned me on to an entirely new culture. I got to experience my first real bit of hockey. I got to experience EVERYTHING about hockey with them (besides the cup) in this ONE season of hockey. I saw the preseason games in china, the halloween visit to to the hospital, Chara bringing pies to the homeless, them buying toys for kids in the hospital at Christmas then visiting them, the new years game outside against the hawks, trade deadline crushing my heart, every round of the playoffs, players pushing through crazy injuries, loving players, despising other teams, all the memes, all the jokes, all the players. Everything. The 2018-19 season is SO incredibly special for me because it’s the first time I ever experienced real hockey and watched an entire season. The people on that roster mean so much to me because of that. Now take a look at the names on that roster. Rask. Krug. Miller. Kampfer. Frederic. They all helped me experience my first year of hockey. Freddy in his first freaking game, getting into a fight😂 Miller and Kampfer were BEASTS on the ice. Krug being a SPECTACULAR little defenseman, quarterbacking the pp and sticking up for himself and SLAMMING thomas. Tuukka Rask being the brick wall. There is no way that I could ever dislike the people on that roster unless the did something suuuuuper bad. I don’t know if you would call it hero worship or whatever, but those people on that roster are so fucking special to me. Even ones like JFK and Vaak and Colby that didn’t play that many games. They still made an impact for me as a hockey fan. THAT is the main reason why I will never stop liking and supporting tuuks, krugger, kampfs, millsy, or freddy. Everyone on that roster has a special place in my heart and I’m not going to let their political views change or tamper with the incredible experience they gave me during that 2018-19 season. I wont ever love another team as much as I loved that specific roster. And no one is going to change that for me. I dont care about their political views or whatever. For me, the experience and the feelings they gave me trump anything i may or may not disagree with. That roster is so special to me, I cant bring myself to dislike any of those people. I will always like those players, no matter how republican or democrat or whatever. Political views dont matter to me when it comes to those players.

Now besides all of that and the experience they gave me, I do believe that they’re still good people even tho they may be republican. I wanna start with Tuukka because it literally doesn’t make sense to me. Tuukka is not even AMERICAN. I dont think he cares that much about American politics since im pretty sure most his family lives in Finland. People got mad at him for wearing a Boston police hat. But I think those people are forgetting that Tuukka has been in boston for soooo long. There have probably been multiple occasions where the police had to help him or the team for some reason or another (they are technically famous after all). Tuukka wearing a hat that says Boston Police doesn’t make him a bad person. He was probably just showing support to the people that helped support HIM as well as his family and teammates. I follow Tuukka on insta and he literally NEVER posts anything political. Probably because NEVER actually posts ANYTHING at all lol. Tuukka had been my favorite from the start and theres almost nothing he could ever do that would make me dislike him.

As for the other 4, and any other players on the team that may be republican (honestly i bet most of them are because 1) most hockey players are and 2) a lot of the guys are christian/catholic and most christian/catholic people are republican as well) I choose to believe that political opinions dont make you a bad person. I like to believe that it depends on the circumstances for every individual. Now I’m not gay or black or anything. Im an 18 year old, straight white girl. So obviously i dont know what its really like for someone to hate or disagree with my race, sexuality, etc. I saw someone say (sorry I forget who it was) that they keep thinking “well what would that player say about me because im gay. What would they actually think about me. I cant support them.” And honestly that’s extremely valid. I never thought about it that way before. So if Kevan Miller for example was out here posting a bunch of homophobic stuff like “i hate gays” or “gays are all stupid” or anything like that, then yeah my opinions on him would probably change in some way. But I follow him on insta and i know the stuff he post about. I have NEVER seen him say anything like that. Ive never heard any bruin say anything like that. From what I’ve seen, they all seem like super nice, sweet, supportive people when they’re off the ice. (I think it’s also important to mention that I follow EVERYONE on the 2018-19 roster. I follow all of their instas. Most of them dont have twitter, but I follow all the ones that do. It’s part of the whole “that roster is incredibly special to me” thing). I choose to believe that following republicans or being one yourself doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, especially when you consider the different circumstances that every individual is under as humans. We all experience different things and that always plays a role in how you act or the opinions you have or the people you support. Someone’s political opinions have never stopped me from liking people. Ive clearly shown that I don’t mind republicans at all, but that doesn’t mean im going to dislike democrats either. Most of the actors/ singers that i like are democrats. And it just happens that most of the athletes i like are republicans. The political stuff doesn’t matter to me. I just dont want it being slapped in my face 24/7. I dont care if you’re a republican or democrat as long as you aren’t constantly talking to me about politics or social issues or trying to change my mind on stuff. Hopefully you can try to see my point of view on this and UNDERSTAND why I like them. Again, I’ve never told my hockey story to anyone so please don’t try and invalid my feelings about the season or the players.

Please, I beg, please don’t comment on this calling racist or something. Please dont try and change me mind. Please dont tell me i need to educate myself. I know WHY i like these players. I know where they stand politically and who they support. But these players are too special to ME for me to actually give a sht about if they like trump or not. Honestly tho, feel free to give your opinion (especially if you’re gay or black or anything) cuz i dont mind hearing other standpoints as long as you aren’t mean about it or try to change my mind. If i change my mind, which i probably wont, I want it to be on my own terms. Please remember that we ARE still a hockey family 💛🖤💛

(Also I’m NEVER talking about this again. If anyone ever asks or something like this comes up again im just gunna link/ reblog this post)

(Also, thank you to whoever made it this far and actually read all of that. ESPECIALLY if you’re someone that doesn’t agree with me. Its good to hear multiple standpoints on this stuff.)

[nerdyfangirl67]

Everywhere But On - Criminal Minds Reader Insert

Pairing: Spencer x reader

Warning: Angst (so sorry guys but I’ve been riding the angst train lately and this one doesn’t have a fluff ending), language

Word count: 2028

The reader comes to realize that despite the way Spencer acts around her, he doesn’t feel for her any more than as a friend. She can’t move on, so she finds herself traveling, where she realizes that she will always love him.

A/N: Okay you guys, this one just came to me after listening to Everywhere But On by Matt Stell. I am sorry for the angst ending but I just couldn’t bring myself to write another fluff ending because sometimes shit happens and it doesn’t work out the way we want. Also, I did a little crossover, you have to really squint, so I hope ya’ll are okay with it. As always, I love requests and would gladly write something you guys want to see!

“I love you but I’m not in love with you.” The words float around in your head on constant repeat, relentless in their torment, just as they have been for the past three months. Those words would hurt coming from anyone, but they hurt all the more coming from your best friend, with whom you had been quietly in love with for the last year.

It wasn’t something that happened all of a sudden, your love for Spencer. But it was something that you had identified one casual Saturday while binge-watching Doctor Who with Spencer at his apartment. Sure, you knew you loved him as a friend; that much was obvious and had been for quite some time. What you hadn’t realized, at least until that Saturday in February, was that you had gone from loving him to being in love with him.

And if someone had asked you what it was that you loved about him, you would struggle to find specific things you loved about him. Because truthfully, you loved him for all that he was, is, and could be. You loved each part of him separately and you loved him as a whole. You had never loved someone so deeply and wholly before, and despite the fact that this should scare you, you couldn’t find yourself anxious for any reason when you had realized you were in love with Spencer. 

You weren’t scared about being in love with Spencer Reid because you had never once felt as though he didn’t already love you.  Sure the two of you would goofily sign ‘I love you’ to each other at random moments, but neither of you had ever said that you were in love with the other. Everything you did for each other echoed the feelings you shared for the other. Yet, despite knowing all this, you couldn’t be sure if he loved you the same way you loved him. Because of that, and an increasing, irrational fear that you might actually lose Spencer, you decided to tell him, a decision you would come to regret for a long time.

You had naively thought if you told him, he would be excited, maybe even pull you in for a hug (which he never did outside of either your apartment or his) or a kiss (if you were really lucky) and tell you he felt the same way. Instead, he responded with ten little words you would never forget. 

“I love you but I’m not in love with you.” Simple words really. Yet you hadn’t been expecting, nor prepared, for them and they left you reeling. You hadn’t known how to respond so you had nodded your head quickly, already feeling the tears forming in your eyes, and ran. You barely stopped to grab your purse from your desk, completely forgetting about your jacket, before dashing out of the building. You hadn’t gone home, for fear that Spencer might have decided to explain himself, which you were sure he would try to do and was waiting for you at your apartment as a result. So you had waited until you knew Spencer would be at work, having already called Hotch and requested your vacation time, before you returned to your apartment. You didn’t stay long, just long enough to pack a suitcase, before you were back in your car, driving without a destination. 

——-

You hadn’t planned on being gone a long time, just enough to clear your head and figure out how to get over your very unfriendlike feelings for Spencer. But a week quickly turned into two, which soon became three weeks, and then a month which soon became three. 

You spent your time putting space between you and home, or more specifically you and Spencer, going to all the places you had bookmarked on the Internet and pinned on Pinterest as “someday” activities. You saw the Grand Canyon and Niagra Falls. You visited Yellowstone National Park and the Everglades. You stopped on the east coast and the west coast. Yet, anywhere you went, all you could see or think of was Spencer.

You saw him in the enthusiastic way the guide told you about the history of The Alamo. You thought of him when you visited, and viewed impressive books, at the Phillips Exeter Academy Library in New Hampshire. You felt him when an episode of Doctor Who came on TV late one evening in your deteriorated motel room.

It didn’t take you long to realize that no matter where you went, the memory of Spencer and your feelings for him would be close behind. You knew that you could travel anywhere but you couldn’t move on from him. You had never loved someone in the way you loved Spencer and you didn’t know how you would move forward from him, or even if you wanted to.

——

After three months of trying to find an escape from reality, you realize it's time. Time for you to go home and face the music. Time for you to push aside your one-sided feelings and move on. And as much as you recognized this, you knew it was far easier said than done. Because moving on meant leaving him, your best friend and the true love of your life, behind. It meant watching him move on and find that perfect girl, a girl who wasn’t you.

You had come to the realization that you would never be able to work side by side with Spencer, knowing that he didn’t feel for you as you felt for him. With that in mind, you knew the only thing you could do was ask for a transfer. You didn’t want to leave the area, but if it wasn’t possible for you to get placed with another division, like the White-Collar Crime task force, then you would have to. You had texted Hotch earlier in the day, asking if he was available for you to come in to talk to him. He has replied with a simple, “I’m here doing paperwork for the foreseeable future.”

You notice it’s just after five and figure there’s no time like the present to talk to Hotch. It’s a twenty-minute drive to the office from where you are and you spend the entire drive wondering what you’d do if you run into Spencer. 

By the time you park in the garage attached to the FBI building, you still are no closer to knowing how to act if you see Spencer. You choose to take the stairs, to avoid any possible run-ins, and hurriedly make your way to Hotch’s office. A soft knock and a stiff “Come in” later and you are sitting across from Hotch.

In usual Hotch fashion, he is quick to get straight to the point. “Am I correct in assuming this conversation has something to do with your three-month absence?”

His words are like a slap in the face, although you are sure that is not how he meant for them to sound. You hadn’t realized how truly juvenile your disappearing act had been until now. You dip your head as you respond. “I would like to start by apologizing. I let you and the team down and that was never my intention.” Your voice is soft as you feel a wave of guilt wash over you.

His eyes soften as he gives you a tight nod and asks, “And what was your intention?”

You clear your throat as you weigh the negatives of telling Hotch the truth. But in the end, you choose to tell him everything, in hopes that he will be able to better understand your decision to transfer. “As you probably know, Spencer and I are close. But I, uh, came to the realization that I felt for him more than a best friend would. And I wrongly thought that it was two-sided. I poorly decided to tell him, only to have him tell me he didn’t feel that way, and it was devastating. I figured the best way to move on was to be away from him. And three months later, I realize that it will never happen, me moving on.” You pause, taking a deep breath as you feel dejection rise in your chest and tears threatening to fall. “I can’t work beside him knowing that I not only lost my best friend, but I also will never have him in the way I truly want to. So that is why I’m here. I would like to request a transfer, preferably one that takes place immediately. I don’t care about the division I’m put in, I just can’t stay in the BAU Hotch.” You finish brokenly, your heart squeezing at the thought that you would have to leave behind those who you consider family, for a fresh start somewhere else. 

Hotch stares at you for a long time after you finish your improvised speech. You can feel him profiling you, but you don’t say anything because you feel as though you aren’t in the position to. Finally, he nods his head and says, “As much as I hate to lose you from the team, I can understand why you are asking for this request. I will get started on the paperwork tonight and you will hopefully have a new position by tomorrow midday.”

As you stand to leave, Hotch stands as well. You think he is going to shake your hand so you stick yours out. What you didn’t expect was for him to pull you into a gentle hug. After a moment, you hug him back. “It doesn’t get better, but each day makes the pain a little less.” He whispers into your ear. You squeeze him a little tighter in response before pulling back. You give him a sad smile before offering your thanks and leave.

You decide to visit a pub three blocks from your apartment for a much-needed drink. It had been a lot harder than you thought to ask for that transfer and the realization that you were leaving behind your family left you swimming in guilt and sorrow. 

The pub was dark and smelled of stale beer. There were a few people sitting at the bar, but more were spread out at the tables. It was later than when you usually came, as you had stopped at your apartment and unloaded your suitcase, changed, and then walked here.

You choose an empty seat at the less populated side of the bar and order your favorite drink. It went down quickly and before you knew it you were ordering another. By the time you were on your third drink, you were starting to forget why you felt the way you did in the first place. 

A deep, sensual voice sounds next to you. “Hey doll, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing drinking alone?” You turn to see a tall man with smoothed down brown hair and emerald green eyes standing beside you. He had on dress pants and a simple button down that fit him in all the right places, with a brown corduroy suit jacket. You grin stupidly, thanks to the alcohol coursing through your system, at his pick up line before answering, “Drowning my sorrows, I guess.” 

“Well, someone as fine as you shouldn’t have sorrows to drown.” He smoothly answers, causing you to smile again.

“Maybe you can help me then handsome.” You respond, truly shocking yourself with your wonton answer.

He takes a seat beside you, extending a hand. “Tony DiNozzo. What’s your name doll?”

And with that, you find someone who truly helps you forget the lack of one Spencer Reid in your life, at least for the night. Because you knew, no matter how hard you tried, Spencer Reid would always be the one you couldn’t move on from.

[goose-books]

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

I.

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!