#i started this in mid january? but only worked on it for a few hours at a time

[accursed-vagabond]

Love Love Sayu Pyun!!! (˶>_<˶)

Alternative composition under the cut

[1am-s0-veryt1red]

ugh I wanted to finish at least half of the waistband on this jacket I'm crocheting by tonight but my back hurts too too much,,,,, I'm so over it

[lunitawrites]

Both Sides of the Moon - part one

pairing: biker!joel miller x fem!reader rating: explicit word count: 2.8k summary: After a troubled childhood you move back to your hometown. You are trying to avoid facing the dark past of your family, but you realize it will be harder than you thought when a mysterious stranger appears in town trying to take revenge. TWs: no-outbreak AU, age gap (reader mid-twenties, Joel is late forties), loss of parents, reference to sex work, reference to foster homes, guns, knife, alcohol consumption, cigarettes, Joel being violent towards reader, petnames, reader has hair long enough that it can be grabbed, otherwise no physical description, no use of y/n a/n: hey! so this is my first attempt at writing, I really hope some of you out there will like it. I am eternally grateful to @papipascalispunk who reviewed and edited my work. Thanks a million to @toxicanonymity and @hier--soir for their suggestions! Shoutout to the other Joel Millers on bikes: a minute from home by @agentmarcuspike, jailbird by @toxicanonymity and little mouse by @katiexpunk & @josephquinnswhore masterlist

You are fidgeting with your nametag in front of the mirror, trying to apply it to your uniform, but you must have bent the needle when you removed it last time because it won't stay up now.

“Don’t worry about it darlin’,” you hear Arlene shout from the kitchen, “It's a small town, everyone knows you by now.”

“I suppose they do,” you mumble and drop the pin to the dresser. She's always been nice to you, almost mothering you, since you started working together in the diner. You take one last look in the mirror, smoothing out your uniform and walking through the kitchen to start your 7 PM shift.

It's a slow start. The townsfolk don't start coming until the sun paints the sky purple and orange, until the dust strats to settle and the cicadas’ song fills up the night. Your shift begins at the bar; whiskey, beer, salted peanuts, a smile or two for better tips. The bar fills up with a subtle buzz, stench of alcohol and anticipation.

Later on in the evening, Sam asks you to wait tables instead. You usually prefer staying behind the bar, but it's Friday night, the dining area will get busy soon. Arlene will need the extra pair of hands taking the orders anyway, so you pick up your notepad and pen and head out to the floor. 

You are always cautious out here, you have to be. The men are not violent, but they always try to take what they think they deserve. A brush of a knuckle on your thighs, eyes lingering on the swell of your breasts, an inappropriate comment disguised as a compliment, fingertips on the curve of your hips as they pass by. Sam, your boss, always makes sure that it’s not more, keeping an eye on you at all times from behind the bar. Sam is one of the few people who knows about your past, who knows that there were times when you were giving a lot more than a smile for some crinkled up bills, who knows that just a few months ago, your uniform was nothing more than a pair of thigh highs and your underwear.

—

You were six when your dad died, and you moved away with your mom right after. You stayed with her for another few months until they diagnosed her. She passed away before the next Christmas. By January, you were in your first foster home. After you got out from your last foster home with nothing more than a few pairs of clothes and the fifty dollar bill that you stole from your foster dad's wallet, you really didn’t see another option for survival. 

It started at a gentlemen's club called Red Rose, just outside of Austin, all neon lights and kitsch, velvet and satin from a decade before. They gave you a room in the motel next to it, but only if you worked the after hours shift, so you agreed. You didn't know what after hours meant at the time, but you would have agreed to almost anything if it meant that you would spend the night in a bed and not somewhere outside.

The after hours, you learned quickly, meant selling your body to anyone who took interest in it during the opening hours of the club. So while you did spend your night in a bed, it was with a truck driver named Dylan, who paid you hundred dollars for an hour of you being a good girl, as he described. Forty of those dollars covered the motel bill and twenty went to the club manager for organizing the deal.

You spent six years working at Red Rose, eventually saving up enough money so you didn't have to stay at the motel. You rented a flat with black mold and sticky linoleum floors, sharing it with three of the other girls from the club. You were driving an old Chevy that one of the girls passed onto you after she moved up north. Six years of Dylans and Bobs and Johns and Joses and Miguels. Six years of sweat and spit and bruises and slaps and come, until you couldn't anymore. 

You moved back to your hometown, although it was never really your home, and while you knew little about the circumstances of your father’s death, you were still afraid to come back, terrified to face the past. But as it turned out, you never had to, as if there was some silent agreement amongst the town that they never spoke of your family. No one gossipped, or if they did, they did so silently that it never reached your ears. They welcomed you into town as if you were a stranger. 

You moved into your old family home at the edge of town. White paint chipped from wooden boards, almost two decades of dust and sorrow covering every inch. You slowly made it your own home, settling into the master bedroom that was once your parents’, but leaving every other room untouched. You have not dared to open the door of your old bedroom yet. 

You still drove the old Chevy when you started working at Sam’s six nights a week, the only diner in town, serving the majority of the people who lived there.

—

It's Friday, which means a good crowd and better tips. Friday means an extra drink for everyone to celebrate yet another week survived in this dusty town in south Texas, just above the border. So you move among the tables with a smile so wide that your face starts to hurt.

It's almost eleven now and most of the tables are occupied; workers for their well-deserved after work drink, youngsters pregaming before driving up to Austin for a night out, some couples leaning over their drinks to be closer to one another, families finishing up their meals, greasy hands stopping you to order another basket of fries. The buzz is loud now, the air in the diner thick and heavy with alcohol and laughter. A usual Friday at Sam’s, until it isn’t.

The door squeaks open, heavy footsteps on the floor, broad shoulders in the doorframe. You really shouldn't be able to hear it over the sound of Friday in the diner, but you do. You lock eyes with deep amber, a pair of sad eyes, searching for a place to sit. Strong arms hidden under a black leather jacket, dark wash jeans, disheveled brown curls, almost halo-like, lit by the street lights behind him. The diner seems to catch up with you, surprised faces turning to the direction of the door, sentences left unfinished, whispers let out, cheeks turned red in surprise, Adam’s apples bobbing up and down. Is it? It can’t be. The sounds of Friday fun turn into whispers, and whispers turn to silence. Fear creeps up in your spine, something primal, something unexplainable.

He walks up to an empty table, heavy boots on sticky floor are the only sound now. The squeal of a chair, denim rubbing against the fake leather of the booth, fingers tapping on the tabletop, an impatient sigh. You move your feet from where they were rooted to the ground just a minute ago. Sweaty hands flipping paper on the notepad. You clear your throat before closing up the space between you and his table.

“What can I get you?”, your voice comes out raspy, almost scared. He looks up at you, a faint smile on his face, eyes not quite meeting yours. Instead, he looks at your lips, gaze burning on your skin, you press your lips together, as if you could hide them entirely. Your eyes flick over to the bar, searching for another pair of brown eyes, searching for comfort. But comfort is not what you find, Sam looks back at you with a wild gaze, almost panic in his eyes.

“Whiskey, neat,” the stranger says, now looking at his hands on the table.

“Coming right up!”, you answer with fake cheerfulness in your voice. Legs heavy as you move, “A whiskey, neat,” you say when you reach the bar, waiting for Sam to prepare the drink. You understand that the questions are not for now, the questions are for later. The people slowly turn their attention back to the drinks in front of them, conversations starting again. But still, the air stays as if it was frozen the minute the stranger came in, Friday never has been so quiet at Sam’s diner..

“There you go”, you say as you place the glass in front of him, voice heavy with the accent you thought you never had.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he says, not looking up at you this time.

Time feels slow, dragging on every minute, every second of the night. You cannot take being inside anymore. You feel like you are going to suffocate.

“I am going on my break,” you say quickly and don’t wait for anyone to acknowledge, just disappear through the kitchen. 

The muggy evening air hugs your skin as you open the back door of the diner. Being outside is just as suffocating as being inside, but at least it's quieter. You take a cigarette out from the crumpled package in your apron, place it between your lips but don't light it just yet. You should quit. You exhale sharply and put the cigarette back. Istead, you lean your head back to the wall, looking up at the moon. She's in her full glory tonight, casting pale light to the dark forest in front of you.

You are not sure what happened inside. This man who you are sure you have never seen in your life just woke up something deep inside you. You feel like you are drawn to him by a strange force, a force that is so foreign to you. There was a certain kind of sadness in his eyes that you only see when you look into the reflection of your own eyes. Grief. Lost. Denial. Something that balances between madness and sanity. 

You hear the front door open with a squeaking sound. Footsteps, drunk laughter and heavy drawls take over the silence of your break. You are about to go inside when you hear an intoxicated voice call out:

“Where do you think you’re goin��?” the drunk man shouts. “You think you can just walk in here and have a drink like the rest of us? Like you fuckin’ belong here.” he spits. The rest of the men stop talking. Now he is the only voice. “Let me tell you. You don´t. You should not come around anymore. You are not welcome here and you should know that.”

“So what happens if I do  come around?” the stranger's voice is laced with coldness. You slowly start walking to the front. You need to see him again. You need to understand what's happening. You feel yourself shaking, despite the warm humidity of the night. 'You should just stay out of it,' the voice in your head says, but you keep walking.

You peek around the corner of the diner. There he is with six men from the town. They all seem fairly drunk. They seem like they are looking for trouble.

“Well, if you are so fuckin´ sure you gonna come around,” he drawls “we might as well just give you a taste of what we are plannin´ to do with you. Right, boys?” he laughs and the men laugh with him, like a pack of coyotes. They all sound way too drunk to do any real harm, but there are six of them against him.

“Try me” the stranger grits through his teeth. He doesn't seem to be afraid, he seems like he would not care if he lives or dies. He seems like someone who gave up a long time ago.

“That ’s enough!” You shout and start walking up to the crowd. ”Go home or I will call Sam out and we will see who won’t be allowed to come around here anymore”. The loudest one flashes you a drunk grin and says: “That is just fuckin’ hilarious. You wanna protect him?” he asks.

“I am not protecting anyone, it’s my job to keep this place running. So I am doing just exactly that.” you say putting your hands on your waist. “Now, gentlemen, I would appreciate, if you all went home and cared about your wives and kids just as much as you care about your liquor. I reckon you had enough fun for tonight. Go! All of you!” you order them.

You are surprised to see that they do. It might be the mention of their wives and the reminder of how they would react if they saw them coming home drunk and all beaten up. The loudest one turns back for a second and addresses you. “You don’t know what you are doing.”

“I guess not.” you whisper and turn your head to the stranger.

“You didn't need to, darlin’. I can defend myself,” he says, drawl thick as the night above you. 

“Mhm, you seem like the type who can,” you say with a half smile. He laughs at that, but there is no humor in it. It should not be possible for a laugh to sound that sad.

“You new around here?”, he takes a step forward, cornering you to the wall. His eyes are searching for the name tag on your uniform. As he cannot find anything his eyes flick back to your face again. His gaze lights something up in you, deep inside your stomach. Frozen flames licking your insides. You are terrified of it, you are terrified of him.

“You can say that, moved back recently. And you? It seems like everyone knows you around here.” you say, heart pounding in your throat. 

“Wasn't hard to sense that, was it?”, you can feel his breath on your skin. Whiskey, burning on your cheeks.

“No,” you say, casting down your eyes. Somehow his proximity makes you restless. His presence makes the blood rush faster in your body. Your reaction is almost instinctual, you want to rip his flash and sink your teeth into him. To be closer or to get away. You are not sure.

He must sense it, a sly smile across his lips. He lifts his hand, hovers his knuckles over your cheeks tentatively. You are red burning fire. He brushes his knuckles over your left cheek, your chin, the curve of your neck. He rests his palm on your shoulder at last.

“You are shaking,” he murmurs. He takes his hand away. It's almost like you couldn't breathe while he touched you. Lungs filling up with air again. You lock eyes with him. “So what's your..,” he starts but cannot finish, Arlene opens the back door and calls your name. 

“Everything okay here?”, she asks.

His eyes darken. Amber turns black. “It's you,” he says, “I should have fuckin’ known.” One hand grabbing your hair, the other turning you around. Rough denim scratching the back of your thighs as he pushes you up to the wall. Head knocking on wood, you feel dizzy. You hear Arlene’s muffled scream, the door opening again. Cold steel pressed into your throat, you taste your death. “I couldn't have planned this better, could I?”, he whispers into your ear.

“Who the fuck are you? What do you want from me?”, you spit, fear blinding you as you try to grab a hold of him behind you.

“You don't know who I am? That's good. That´s just fuckin’ good”, he laughs, blood freezing in your veins from the sound of it.

You hear footsteps, Arlene’s breathy cry in the background. Boots then. Heavier than she could be. 

“Joel Miller,” Sam says with venom in his voice, “Leave her the fuck alone!”

His gun is pointing to Joel’s temple. Sam takes a step closer, “Get out of here. Right fuckin’ now.” Joel slowly releases the handful of hair he still has in his fist. As he does, a bitter smile spreads on his face.

“Another time then,” he murmurs, low enough that only you can hear. He steps back, walks slowly to the parking lot where he swings his leg over a 1990 Harley-Davidson, the exact same model that is in your father's garage. 

You look at Sam, eyes blurred with tears and confusion.You are certain of one thing, and one thing only. Joel Miller wants to kill you.

—

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are much appreciated. Please let me know if you'd like to be on the tag list for the next parts!

[embrosegraves]

𝕊𝕚𝕥 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕄𝕖

(request) Sebastian Vettel x Reader  The reader just wants to spend time with their boyfriend  Cuddles! Lots of them!

Warnings: None! I love these fluffy requests so much omg

It wasn’t often that Sebastian was home for the week. Usually during the mid year break you would both go for a holiday in some other country, and during the end of year break you would be spending only a few weeks in Switzerland before going to England so that he could be closer to Aston Martin’s HQ. This was the routine ever since you and Seb had started dating during his RedBull days.

If there was ever any down time between races, you insisted on going straight to where the next race was being hosted, no matter how long it was until the next race, because you liked being organised and Seb just liked making you happy. 

It was mid January and you had both gotten to England only three days ago. Seb had been in his office for at least far too many hours today and while you were fine on your own, you wanted to spend some of your time with him before his schedule would pick up for the year. 

Quietly peeking your head through his office door, you called out for his attention. 

“Sebby?” you whispered. 

He looked up from the desk and smiled when he saw you. He always smiled when he looked at you. You were his favourite thing to look at. 

“Yes, Liebe?” 

You loved it when he used sweet pet names with you. Especially when they were in his mother tongue. They made you feel extra special. 

“Can I spend some time in here? I just want to be around you for a bit.” 

If anyone were to ask you what you thought was the one thing that kept your relationship as strong as it was, you would tell them that the best thing you both had done for your relationship was being completely honest with each other. You had agreed pretty early on that you would always speak your mind to the other person so that there was no chance of things being miscommunicated. It was your biggest peeve in your previous relationship and you would always thank the stars that Sebastian had agreed on the unnecessity of being vague with a romantic partner. 

“Of course, Blume. I would be delighted with your company.” 

Sebastian prided himself on always making himself available for you. He never wanted you to feel like you were second fiddle to his racing career. If his schedule was jam packed with things to do, he would go out of his way to spend at least an hour of his day with you. An hour that was not allocated to sleeping or waking up. 

He watched as you quietly entered the room, even though there was no need to be quiet. Seeing you look around the room for somewhere to put yourself while he worked, an idea came to his head. 

“C’mere, you can sit on my lap until I’m done.” He held his hand out for you to grab as you came around the side of his desk. You would never give up an opportunity to sit with him. 

Pushing the chair back so you could sit down, he guided you to sit facing him, with your legs on either side of his. Once you were comfortable, you wrapped your arms around his waist and nuzzled your head into his neck. As you settled he gave a kiss to your head before scooting back towards his desk, one hand rubbing your back and the other flipping pages of development data for him to read over before he went to HQ in the morning. 

You spent 2 hours like this just enjoying the close proximity and presence of your lover. These were the times you treasured the most. It didn’t matter that Seb’s legs had fallen asleep 30 minutes in, and it didn’t matter that your arms were a little sore between his back and the chair. What mattered was spending time with each other. 

What mattered was the fact that no matter how hectic the rest of the year got, you would always have a place to rest on Sebastian’s lap.

I'm actually so in love with this because it's just so simple, yet so?? Cute? Adorable? Am I just naming synonyms?? Anyway, It's a little shorter that what I've posted previously but I wanted to keep it sweet and simple.

I hope you all enjoyed and are having a wonderful holiday season!

requests, likes and reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated xx

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for blocking my suicidal friend?

TW for suicidal ideation, mental health.I know this sounds bad but hear me out.

I (25F/NB) met F(26M) in January 2017, a few months after I started university through a mutual friend, and we quickly hit it off. We started dating a few months later. We split near the end of 2021, but aside from a few awkward months right after the split, we've stayed friends. We've both seriously dated other people: F had a girlfriend, A(mid-20s F), for a little under a year, and I've been dating my boyfriend, H (30M), for about 9 months.

Throughout the time we were dating, F and I had a few problems. Money was a big one: he would borrow money a lot and not always pay it back (either when he said he would or at all). He currently owes me about £8000 that he borrowed for uni. For most of the time since he borrowed it he hasn't been in work, so I haven't been pushing the matter. One of the last straws for our relationship was when he bought a brand new PS5 and lied to me about it when he had recently borrowed money from me.

The other big one was his mental health. F has been dealing with poor mental health for about as long as I've known him, but he refuses to do anything about it. He often talks about how much he hates his life and how he should just kill himself. He often punched himself in the head or punched walls when he was upset, but he refused to admit that this behaviour was unhealthy. He wouldn't go see a therapist or doctor, or speak to anyone except me. Once, when I was visiting family, he became upset about something and I was worried he would hurt himself, so I asked a mutual friend to check on him. He refused to let the friend in, and got very angry with me.I wanted to break up with him sooner but he'd often tell me I was the only good thing in his life, and I was scared he'd kill himself if I left him. We eventually broke up near the end of 2021. Fast forward to this summer. In August, A broke up with F and F had to move back in with his abusive parents. He initially asked to stay with me but I said no (I live in a tiny flat, I can't afford to financially support another person and to be honest I'm just not comfortable with it). I later changed my mind and offered him my sofa when I realised how bad the abuse was, but he declined.

Also in August, I found out my grandmother was dying. I went to see her with my sister and brother-in-law, and the same day received a message from F venting about his life. I replied with: "Hey I'm kind of dealing with something right now can you talk to someone else? I don't really have the emotional bandwidth rn"When he asked what was up, I told him my grandmother was dying. He expressed his sympathies, and told me that his stuff could wait. He sent me the following message four hours later: "I think I'm going to kill myself""I've totally ruined my life, I've got nothing except daily torture from my parents". Again, this is four hours after I'd explicitly told him I don't have the capacity for it. I spoke to my sister and brother-in-law (28F and 30M) about it and they both said I should block him.

In September I started a new job (I recently qualified as a teacher) which has been very challenging, exhausting and intense. My grandmother died at the end of September, so the past few months have been hard for me. He knows all this, but he keeps sending me all these messages about how much he hates his life and how he should just kill himself.

Early October, I was added to a group chat between A, F's ex, and a mutual friend Z. A told us that F had sent her an email that was essentially a suicide note. I called F and made sure he was okay, and passed that along to the group chat. F was angry that, as he perceived it, we'd been talking about him behind his back. He didn't speak to me for a day or so but quickly went back to normal.

At the end of October, the day before my grandmother's funeral, I woke up to a message that was essentially a suicide note. This was not the first time this had happened. I had a panic attack, though I'm not sure whether that was due to the message or imminent funeral. I send him some messages saying that I didn't want to receive these kind of messages unless it was actually something I could help with, that he wasn't respecting my boundaries and that the friendship had become entirely one sided. I told him that I didn't want to block him but I would. He seemed to accept that, but this morning I woke up to another suicide note message. After verifying that he was still alive (he is), I started writing this ask. I feel bad, but I'm so tired of doing all the emotional labour. I have my own shit to deal with and i'm not his therapist. WIBTA if I blocked him?

What are these acronyms?

[icallhimjoey]

Over Now

♥ ♥  rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: In this sequel to "Only Now", you've moved away from Hawkins and it's something you should've done much sooner. It's the best choice you've made, it all works, until Eddie finds your address and stops by for a visit.

CW / disclaimer: 18+, language, fem!reader, smut, angst

Author’s note: a couple of you found my askbox and talked me into this after i answered an ask about Only Now, and with a little inspiration courtesy of @ghostinthebackofyourhead that kickstarted all of this, we find ourselves here. I hope you enjoy!

Wordcount: 9.6K

(find all four parts of this story here)

You wanted days to speed up. Have the sun travel across the width of the sky faster. Blink your eyes a few times and accidentally have a few hours pass you by entirely without you having noticed. If you could, you’d skip a full year. You envisioned yourself a year from now, and she seemed strong. Twelve months would be plenty of time for her to have gathered up enough strength to arm herself properly. She probably didn’t think about it every day. About him every day. She was probably happy. Strong, and successful and happy. You wished every day for time fast forward, just so you’d get to meet her sooner.

"You should leave," you whispered into the dark, hearing the city wake up outside of your windows, the hustle and bustle slowly picking up.

"Not yet," Eddie stated it so matter of factly that you didn't even feel like you could fight it. If Eddie decided to stay, you both knew he was going to stay. Eddie knew it was what you wanted, and Eddie knew you wouldn't fight him on it. But you had to be strong. Find the strength somewhere. Somehow.

At New Year's Eve, a couple of weeks after Eddie had left you with a little note that read "Merry Christmas x", you were doing a round of sharing your resolutions for the next year. You had decided yours on the spot and had blurted it out without having given it much thought.

"I'm going to move out of Hawkins."

And everyone had looked at you like it was the wildest thing they'd ever heard, laughed at you as if you were joking, like they had done when Dustin said he was going to start going to the gym. Not Steve though. Steve had hooked an arm around your neck, pulled you in so he could speak directly into your ear and said, "Coolest resolution of the bunch."

What Steve hadn't anticipated is that a mere two, two and a half weeks later, he'd be stood outside of the apartment building you used to share, ready to say goodbye and wave you off. You'd packed up all your belongings into your shitty car and were ready to get out of Hawins. Just, leave. For ever? Never to return? You weren't sure. You'd see.

“I know you have to leave, but, if you really think about it, what’s another week?” Steve tried, leaning his elbows in your open car window. It was too cold for it to be rolled all the way down, mid-January the temperatures were freezing, but you had something to say to Steve still, and you wouldn’t leave before you’d said it. Could you have told him inside? Absolutely. But it would’ve postponed your plans, and you had procrastinated enough. Years, if you really thought about it. You should've gotten out when Nancy and Jonathan had done, but, you know, you clearly hadn't.

“Shut up,” you completely dismissed Steve’s attempt at another week with you in Hawkins and he let his head drop in defeat.

“I need to say things to you,” you said, and Steve was quick to whip his head back up. You kept your engine running but slumped your shoulders and let your hands fall into your lap as you gave him a little pout.

“No, don’t,” Steve warned you.

“I have to,” you took a deep breath, and before Steve could block his ears with his fingers, you got the words out fast. “I don’t deserve you, you are by far the best friend, too good for this world, I can’t believe I’m leaving you behind- I love you!” all your words blended and built up in volume until you were practically screaming. They weren’t the words Steve was expecting, so when he lowered his arms, you snuck them in real fast: “Please come with me!”

“No!” Steve was too late; the words found his ears without any obstruction, and he waved his arms in frustration as he turned away from your car.

Your play back and forth of you begging Steve to join you, and him very actively avoiding every single talk you tried to have with him about it, had been going since the start. Ever since you dropped the comment that you should probably just get out of Hawkins all together, you’d been saying you should both go. He had threatened you at the start, “Careful, or I’ll do it!”, thinking it would make you stop the bit, but knowing there was a slight chance he’d actually consider it only made you press it more.

Steve took a few steps, circled back to your car, and pretended he was about to take a dive across you, aiming for your passenger seat. Just for a second, you thought he was actually going to go for it, and it made you squeal in panic filled laughter. Instead, Steve just leant through your window, found your shoulders with both his hands, and pulled you in for the most awkward hug.

“I’ll come visit soon,”

“Promise?”

“Of course, idiot.” Steve’s grip tightened. “I promise.”

A fresh start. New beginnings. New surroundings. It was what your mother said you’d needed for years. It was what Steve was hellbent on you getting for years.

You’d done enough scooping of popcorn into buckets at the movie theater, only to sweep up half of it two hours later from under the seats – a dead end job, but easy money made. Enough to pay rent, have a little fun and even save up a little.

You’d saved up enough to get yourself through two months of rent in the city, no problem. The urge to immediately find work wasn’t there, but when you moved into your new, much smaller, apartment above a bar that had a sign in the window that read BAR STAFF WANTED you thought, "Perfect.".

It was late February when Steve got word that Eddie was coming back into town. That’s soon, Steve thought. Usually, Eddie would leave much longer periods in between visits. Maybe they were playing somewhere close, and Eddie would just pop down for the day, he thought, secretly pleased that you’d decided to move away when you did.  

Eddie didn’t even seem fazed when he walked up to greet Steve. Didn’t look around. Didn’t do a double take. And then, didn’t even ask, but just smiled and hugged Steve, patted him on the back and followed him inside.

Small talk.

Steve was astounded by the surface level of small talk Eddie made. Has the weather been good? Munson, it’s February. Of course not. It’s been grey skies and wet cold. Has he also been sick? Wayne told him a bug had half of Hawkins knocked out a couple weeks ago. Steve had a cough for a few days but was fine otherwise. Got all his fingers still? Eddie knew Steve liked lighting fireworks with Dustin, Mike, the others, anyone who would still come back from college, from jobs, had time to visit family over New Year’s Eve. Steve showed him all ten.   

Then Eddie started talking about tour. The band. The gigs. The crowds. Steve loved Eddie’s stories, could honestly listen to him for hours, but he couldn't give him his full attention. Steve was listening to Eddie through your ears. Watching him through your eyes. It was like everything had to pass through a filter of you before it reached Steve, and it slowly built annoyance.  

The last time Steve and Eddie had spoken, just the two of them, had been on the ice. When Lover's Lake had frozen over, Robin had taken you on a slippery, scary ride as she had run off with you and he'd stopped Eddie to ask him, was he even really aware of it? Of what he was doing? Did he ever stop to think what his behavior meant for you? Eddie hadn't appreciated Steve placing full blame with him; what Eddie's behavior meant for you. Not, what you were doing to Eddie.  

Steve had told him to at least be mindful. When Eddie had scoffed, had said that he was being mindful, Steve revealed how a couple of months ago he had sat outside of your locked bathroom for hours. Listened to you cry silently in between echoing spasmed breaths and sobs. "Don't put her through that again, man." Steve's eyes shone with sadness. It annoyed Eddie greatly as he watched you and Robin laughing together, holding hands as you carefully made your way back to them over the ice.  

Eddie didn't think he was doing anything to you. He was just being nice, wasn't he? Would hold you while you slept. Said nice things into your hair. Held your hand on walks. Squeezed your thighs underneath tables. Kissed you on the couch. These were all nice things; things you wanted, things you didn't shy away from, things you happily accepted from him. This is how you were together. Frankly, how you'd always been together. How much worse would it be if he didn't do any of those things at all? If he grew distant all of the sudden? If he just... stopped?  

"Be mindful, s'all." Steve said just before you slid back into earshot.  

And Eddie had tried for like, an hour maybe. Steve was a good friend and had come to him with difficult things to say, so Eddie tried. Even if he didn't like it. Eddie tried. Kept a little more distance. Didn't sling an arm around you as you walked back to Robin's car together. Called shot gun so he didn't have to share the backseat with you. Didn't use pet names. Didn't look at you and smiled until his eyes crinkled. And then they'd all felt it. They had all seen your angry glances at Steve. Had felt the mood shift. Had felt the sudden tension in the air. Had felt your complete rejection of whatever it was that Steve wanted for you. He wasn't meant to interfere like that, you thought. So when you'd reached for Eddie's hand when you'd gotten out of the car, Eddie had looked at Steve. Told him, I'm not doing anything, with his eyes. It's her.  

So Steve was glad you weren't there. But Steve was annoyed that Eddie didn't even acknowledge that.  

"You staying over at Wayne's?" Steve asked once Eddie let a silence fall. Eddie never stayed at Wayne's on his visits, but without prospect of staying over at your place, Steve thought he kind of had to. 

"I guess," Eddie shrugged.  

Steve waited. Still nothing.  

"Speaking of, I should probably head over and go see my old man." Eddie spoke through a stretch, arms all up in the air, fingers interlocked, palms out. Then he sighed deeply and got up, went to get his coat from the hallway as Steve moved their used glasses to the kitchen. "Promised he'd make me more meatloaf since I didn't get to take any with me last time," Eddie joked halfheartedly and smiled at Steve when Steve met him in the hallway. Perfect moment to mention you, Steve thought. Yet still, nothing.  

Steve followed Eddie on his way out, then decided he couldn't let Eddie just leave like that. Couldn't let him walk out after pretending you weren’t one third of their- your whole. Steve and Eddie had never been just two. Ever since they'd gotten closer as friends, you'd gotten closer in friends together. The three of you. Joined at the hip. Morning, noon and evening. Sun, wind and rain. Birth, life and death. Past, present and future.

"No? Nothing?"  

"Huh?"  

"You're not going to ask why she's not here? Come on, man…" Steve said, hoping Eddie would let his guard down, not pull it up more. 

Eddie turned his head away, looking down the long corridor of apartment doors, hands in the pockets of his leather coat. Then he clicked his tongue and looked back at his friend in the door opening. "What's there to ask?" Eddie asked disdainfully, flicking his eyes down to Steve’s shoes and back up real quick.  

Steve loved Eddie, really missed his friend all the time, and maybe even more so now you had moved away too, but this wasn't cool. Eddie didn't need to be so arrogant, act all haughty around him. They were friends. Two legs of this tripod they formed with you. Acting like you weren’t in the slightest bit important, weren’t an inherent part of them, vested in everything they were and weren’t together wasn’t okay.

Steve pushed his chin up, made his lips disappear and gave a small nod. "Say hi to Wayne for me." and closed the door on him. Eddie could go fuck himself. 

When Eddie stepped into the trailer without knocking, Wayne took one look at him and told Eddie to walk back out. Eddie sighed loudly. Wayne used to do this all the time if Eddie came walking in like he owned the place. It would often happen when Wayne had worked double shifts and had left Eddie alone for too long. Wayne would make Eddie walk out and come back in, almost as if he was a polite guest, visiting his uncle for a special occasion. Put him in his place a little. Feel that, even if he was the one with his own bedroom between the two, the trailer was still Wayne's home first.

Eddie knew better than to not do as he was told by Wayne, famous rockstar or not, and stepped back out. He took a second, hand on the door handle still, and then he knocked and waited for Wayne to answer.

"Jus' a second," Wayne's low voice gruntled from behind the door, and Eddie huffed a laugh through his nostrils. Fucker was going to make him wait out in the cold, too.

When Wayne opened the door for Eddie, they grinned at each other and hugged.

"Come on, boy. Eat."

Eddie had been pushing the same bite of meatloaf around his plate for ten minutes, then sighed deeply and explained why he was going to have to stay over on the couch in the trailer that night.

"That why you ain't eatin'?"

Eddie shrugged, mentioned how Steve seemed upset with him about something too, not elaborating on why exactly that was. Wayne didn't push it, and instead focussed on the note Eddie showed him.

"And now she lives in the big city, huh?" Wayne said, reading the address.

"Seems like it," Eddie held the note in between his fingers, like he would hold a cigarette and stared at Steve's handwriting.

"Didn't tell you?" Wayne shoved his empty plate towards Eddie a little, signaling it was Eddie who was going to be doing the washing up. Eddie didn't fight him on it; Wayne cooked, so it was only fair Eddie did the dishes. Picking up the plates, his own barely touched, Eddie shook his head a little at Wayne's question.

"Didn't need to, it's her own life, isn't it? Makes her own choices," Eddie reasoned for himself. He hadn't told you about all the places he'd stayed at to write, to record, to rehearse and to play. Why should you have to?

It would have been nice for Eddie to have known, don't get him wrong. He probably wouldn't have come back to Hawkins so soon had he known you weren't there anymore.

"I never understood it," Wayne sighed, sitting back in his seat as he placed his hands behind his head, elbows sticking out wide. "You kids, not goin' together but holdin' hands all the time anyway," Wayne frowned and shook his head a little.

Wayne knew you and Eddie far surpassed innocent hand holding - walls were thin in his trailer - but hand holding was all the two of you had done openly in front of him. Everything else Wayne had caught, he'd pretended not to have seen or to have heard.

"Nothing to understand," Eddie shrugged.

"And she's not goin' with Steve either?"

"No," Eddie snorted, absolutely unable to even think of you and Steve as a couple.

"Hand me that towel," Wayne joined Eddie in the kitchen.

This was nice, Eddie thought. Just chatting with Wayne, in the trailer, hands busy with an easy task. Just the two of them, like old times. It didn't have the same effect as hanging out with you and Steve had on him, though. But it was nice anyway.

"Wouldn't have time for it anyway, would you?" Wayne said. "Not with all them girls waitin' outside after your concerts," There was a moment of eye contact where Eddie had expected a sly smile from Wayne, something a little playful, but was met with a set of stern eyes instead.

"I better not be hearin' bad things, Eddie," Wayne warned, and Eddie immediately took it to mean something malicious. Like Eddie was taking advantage of every single person that showed him any form of interest. Like it was Eddie’s fault that the band had groupies.

"What do you take me for?" Eddie mentally placed his foot against the gas pedal, ready to absolutely floor it if Wayne was going to say something else he didn't like.

"Don't forget who raised you, now," Wayne stayed calm, his voice not changing tone.

"Are you accusing me of something?" Eddie accelerated.

"Just makin' sure no one has reason to,"

Eddie just looked at Wayne a second before he contorted his face and threw the sponge he'd been scrubbing pots with loudly against the tiles behind the sink. The wet slap was loud and splashed dish soap suds onto dishes Wayne had already dried but had yet to put away. He silently watched his nephew grab his coat, feel around pockets for a packet of cigarettes and step out.

Had Eddie been 16 still, he'd have slammed the door.

Wayne wasn't stupid. He'd seen things on MTV, saw pictures in the magazines and, sometimes, if they were particularly bad, the newspapers. He'd even seen some girls with his own eyes when he'd been to see Eddie 'n the boys play when they'd been close enough for Eddie to put Wayne up on the guest list. He had never seen Eddie give them any real attention, but Wayne knew his nephew.

Eddie just needed to be mindful. Tha's all.

That night, Eddie and Wayne had gone to bed in silence. Eddie had refused to say another word, even when Wayne had sat down in his armchair and had put the TV on. Eddie was all passive aggression, rumbling stomach only adding fuel, and Wayne knew to keep quiet until Eddie would break, say something stupid, something that crossed a line, immediately apologise and then they'd be able to talk everything through. Old routines died hard. That, or Eddie would crack because he had to have been hungry, still.

Before bed, Wayne had placed bedding and one of the better pillows onto the couch next to Eddie before retreating to his own bedroom. Eddie's old bedroom. When Wayne had closed the door behind him, Eddie had looked at it and wished it was his bedroom still. With the same old posters still up, his favourite guitar on the wall and all his other stupid shit strewn around, messing the place up. Making it all his. His own little safe space where everything was so very his. Eddie almost resented his uncle for not leaving it the way it was back then, but knew that would've made no sense.

Eddie found himself on the couch, hours later, middle of the night, not being able to sleep at all. The blinking streetlight from out front illuminated the note Eddie held in his hand in flashes.

Should he just... call?

Could he? He couldn't remember the last time he talked to you over the phone. You never called each other. Not that you'd be able to reach Eddie anywhere - he was always on the move.

You hadn't mentioned moving out of Hawkins the last time you'd seen each other. Maybe he wasn't meant to know. Or maybe, you'd tell him later. Once you'd settled. You couldn't have been gone that long, could you?

Eddie didn't manage to stay until the morning. When Wayne woke up and went to find his nephew to talk things through over breakfast, he was met with an empty trailer. Eddie had left the sheets folded nicely up on the couch, and had left his uncle a little note on top.

"I'm sorry. Took the leftover meatloaf x"

It was busy at the bar. Too busy. It was Thursday, and Thursdays were never this busy. The band playing had done a little promotion beforehand, and clearly, it paid off. You were sure lots of them were friends and family, but you eyed some curious anticipation from what you assumed were strangers too. 

It was busy, but work was fun. It was just you and your immediate boss behind the bar together, and you wanted to impress, still. Be quick on your feet. Get lots of tips for the two of you to share later. You'd only worked there for about a month, but you'd learned fast. And it was fun because you seemed to really have a good routine down. There was no bumping into each other - if you were about to reach for a glass, he'd have it ready for you, and if you heard someone order drink from a bottle closer to you, you'd hand it over before he could even ask. Work was busy, hectic, and chaotic, but it was fun.

Most people drank beer. Some would order whiskey. Very, very rarely, someone would ask for something else. You'd barely touched the vast array of liquor bottles that decorated the wall behind the bar. So when someone ordered anything you'd not poured before, your boss would help you, show you once, then keep an eye the very next time you'd do it yourself. But most people drank beer, so you'd gotten used to asking which kind, almost on autopilot, and would point at the different taps with questioning eyes. Until someone didn't ask for a beer, and threw you for a loop.

"Jack and coke, please?" 

You heard him before you saw him. The visceral reaction within your body was unreal. Unfair. Maddening, too. 

You thought you had it all under full control. You had it all tucked away, squeezed into a small cage, locked up behind bars, keys thrown away far into Lake Michigan, never to be seen again. You'd been so good. Would sometimes go days without thinking of him. Became an expert in occupying yourself, and it really helped that none of your surroundings were reminders here. You had all of his things hidden away in a shoebox, placed it deep into your wardrobe, underneath and behind other items, and you'd tried to do the same with all the memories inside your head. Found a shoebox in there too, placed every single little thing you'd come across into this box and would store it away, somewhere near the back of your head, close to the top of your cervical spine. 

And it had worked. You'd done so well. 

But the sheer sight of him... the first little glimpse you caught after hearing that voice... It broke that cage wide open. Bars snapped in half, brick walls crumbled down and your heart was free. Free at last. Beating fiercely, almost painfully fast inside your chest. It got to swell again. Gave itself more wiggle room. Grew three sizes and pressed tightly against your lungs which made it hard to breathe. It hurt, but it hurt so good.

Eddie was here.

Have you ever felt your brain short-circuit in real time? Felt fires start from sparks too big upon the sight of someone's smile? 

"What... how did you..." There were no full thoughts, and you had no possible way of verbalizing anything coherent in the moment. 

"Steve," Eddie shouted over the music.

Your eyes grew, doubled in size. Never. Eddie was lying. Steve would never. Eddie could see your disbelief, your disgust at Eddie placing blame with your mutual friend and knew he had to explain. 

"I saw..." Eddie sighed deeply, both hands placed on the bar as he leant forward, eyes closed, about to disclose information he wasn't proud of. "There was a note, with your new phone number and your address. He left it on the side, and I couldn't..." Eddie reached into a pocket, pulled it out and showed you Steve’s handwriting.

"You took it?" 

"Don't worry, you know Harrington, he's got it memorized by now." 

Like Steve being unable to reach you was the problem here. 

"Eddie Munson?" someone tapped his shoulder, recognized him, went in for a hug immediately. "Told you it was him!" you heard someone else call out from the other side. "Eddie!" 

Too many things were happening at once and you were unable to process any of them. Eddie was here, under questionable circumstances, and you didn't even have the time to be angry with him, because you were at work. You were at work, and it had been going so smoothly. You'd been on a roll, absolutely in it, you and your boss fully attuned to each other. Eddie ruined it, fucked it all up, but you had to get back to it. There were people waiting, drinks to be served, tips to be collected. But you were kind of... frozen. Almost nonresponsive.

You could only give Eddie confused eyes. Judgmental eyes. What the fuck are you doing here eyes. Came to mess up my life again huh eyes. But mostly, your eyes just held a lot of bewilderment and simple shock. Uncomplicated. Things anybody could read. 

An arm holding a drink came into your vision from your left, and your boss placed down Eddie's jack and coke in front of him. A little dazed, you looked at your boss, who gave you a look, eyebrows raised high, not in question, but in let's get back to work, all right. 

You looked at the man next to Eddie, who searched for your attention with a hand, was holding money and pointed at the beer tap before holding up two fingers.

"Coming right up," you snapped back into work-mode and smiled. You had to get back to work and pretend Eddie wasn't there. It was too busy at the bar not to. So, you ignored him, tried your best to not let your eyes find him, and focused on the work at hand. Work was busy, and it was fun, you sternly told yourself.

After a while, when the band was done playing, the bar started to feel more like a regular old Thursday inside. There was still enough work to be done, but nothing that overwhelmed you. 

“Dude's still here, that okay?” Your boss eyed Eddie who was stood talking to two of the bandmembers. They seemed excited Eddie had seen their set. 

You already knew Eddie was still there. You'd watched him all night. Corner of your eye. Peripheral vision. Like your body knew there was danger lurking, and you couldn't not keep an eye out for him. 

“I'm working,” you shrugged. “If he wants to talk, he can wait.”

And you silently and secretly wished that he did. Fucking Eddie. What the fuck did he want? You’d last seen him in December, which for Eddie’s terms must have felt like just a week ago. Why had he been over at Steve’s?

“Is um… is he who I think he is?” your boss carefully followed up, making drinks right next to you as you kept busy rinsing glasses. 

You gave a small smirk, but didn't answer, kept your eyes down. Eddie had been the talk of the night, obviously your boss knew the dude that seemed to be waiting your shift out was Eddie Munson of Corroded Coffin fame. But the way the two of you had interacted, before the murmur of people whispering his name had started, told your boss you weren’t just shocked to see him because he was Eddie Munson. No, you knew each other. There was some sort of history there, he could sense it, and he silently commended you for only letting some of it show for half a second. The rest of the night you’d been perfect bar staff. No regrets in hiring you.

"Could you... do you think you could get Corroded Coffin to come play a little gig here?" your boss joked, and you couldn't help but huff a laugh through your nose. "Give us a little show? No?" you got a nudge in the shoulder and a playful smile when you looked at him. 

"I'll ask, but I can’t make any promises," you said, making your boss laugh loudly. Corroded Coffin played huge venues, had insane mosh pits, full light shows with smoke and pyrotechnics. The bar you worked at fit the genre, sure, but was small. Tiny. They would tear the place down, and if not the band themselves, then definitely the people coming to see them.

“Let me know if I need to kick him out, because I’ll do it. Don’t care what name he carries.” And with that, your boss picked up drinks to carry over to the other side of the bar to whoever ordered them. You silently berated yourself for having waited so long to move to the city. People were nice here. What had held you back so long? The second you thought it, you hated that the answer to that question sat down on a barstool right in front of you.

“So when does your shift end?”

You were prepared for questions from Eddie. All throughout the evening you'd thought about what things you would tell him. What things you’d be honest and up front about, and what things you’d avoid telling him. You didn't owe him anything, but you imagined Eddie had questions anyway.

What you weren't prepared for was the magnetic pulling you felt in your stomach when you saw Eddie standing in the middle of your small, new apartment.

What you weren't prepared for was Eddie kneeling down in front of you as you'd sat down on your couch to take your shoes off.

What you weren't prepared for were Eddie's hands that found the outside of your thighs and used his fingernails to slowly scratch up and down the sides of them slowly as Eddie leant back on his heels.

You kind of couldn't really do anything but watch his hands move slowly along your legs and your breath shuddered as you felt your ribcage expand and tighten simultaneously. You frowned when you recognized where you were emotionally. You were in your bed, in your old apartment still, and had just found that stupid fucking note Eddie left on his pillow. You were back in December in the exact moment where all you could feel was loneliness and the strongest yearning you'd ever felt for Eddie.

And now, Eddie was here.

"Eddie,"

Your eyes locked, but what were you going to follow up with? Ask him why he was there? Ask him why he had visited Hawkins so soon after his last visit? Why he'd taken that note with your details from Steve's place? Were you going to tell him about why you'd left? Tell him about those days after he'd left without saying goodbye, again? You didn't really want to do any of those things. Because Eddie was touching you, and you kind of didn't want him to stop.

You hesitated for too long and saw Eddie's dark eyes move between yours before he sat up on his knees and moved in close. Close enough for your noses to touch, to dance around each other for a brief moment, to move like you were kissing. Close enough for your breath to hitch, throat working, as you saw Eddie's eyes roam your face.

"Can I kiss you?"

Eddie had never asked permission like that before, and you didn't need asking twice.

You only needed to tilt your head a little for your lips to touch, and it could've been soft, and slow, but it was none of the sort. You smashed yourself into Eddie, held onto him, arms winding tightly around his neck to pull him into you and keep him there. You kept feeding pressure as your faces swirled, tongues exploring each other, making sure they recognized each other still. You had to feel as much of Eddie as you could to make sure he was really there. That he was real.

Eddie kissed you back just has fervorous, like he was surprised that you'd granted him permission for it. Like he thought that maybe he had asked a question you would've easily said no to.

Thinking back to what Steve had said, he wouldn't have been surprised if you did.

You kissed each other, inhaled each other and tasted each other until Eddie suddenly noticed how your breathing grew erratic at an alarmingly rapid rate. Your hands started clambering behind his head, then on his back, your touches increasing in desperation. Your lips pressed against his hard and it started to become uncomfortable. Eddie reached for your hands in a bid to loosen your grip and broke your kiss.

"Hey,"

Eddie tried for eye contact, to see if you were okay, but you were quick to dig your face into the crook of his neck, escaped into his hair, and hooked your arms under his to tightly squeeze him. Your pressed your chests together and hugged Eddie tensely. You hugged him like you'd never let him go, clung to him like you were scared he'd get up and walk out, your chest heaving heavily still.

"Hey, are you–" Eddie stopped talking when a sob escaped you and he felt your body shake against his. It startled him for a moment, but it only took a second for him to hug you back.

Emotionally, you were there, in your old bedroom still, alone, blinking tears from your eyes at that stupid note Eddie left on your pillow. Eddie had walked out and hadn't even said goodbye.

"Shh, it's okay," Eddie turned soft, found the back of your head to caress and gently stroked his other hand up and down your back.

You cried, and Eddie was gentle. You cried over Eddie, because of Eddie, and let Eddie comfort you. It was an agonizing loop you found yourself in, realized you'd been in, that somehow also felt like it spiraled down with the weight of everything growing heavier each time. You'd be pushed further down each time. You'd have to rise up higher each time, gain new unprecedented levels of strength each time. It had only been a few weeks, and you hadn't even properly began the painstaking process of putting yourself back together again since you'd last seen Eddie. You had just ran from it. Hid from it.

But now, Eddie was here. He had left you alone in your bed a few weeks ago, but now, he was here.

"You always leave," you spoke through broken sobs, letting out the words you felt were hurting your heart from the inside out.

"I'm here," Eddie softly reassured, his voice kind, but flat, almost void of feeling. "I'm here."

You heard it – lies – and knew he emotionally wasn't here at all, but you could pretend he was. Needed to pretend he was. You could feel him, smell him, taste him and could pretend he was here, just like he said he was.

"Do you want to go lay down?" Eddie whispered after a little while. You had calmed down, but were holding on still, and he'd been sat on his knees in front of your couch too long.

Eddie felt you nod your head on top of his shoulder, and you expected him to move back, away from you, in order to stand up. Instead, Eddie moved your legs to hook around his waist, said, "Hold on tight," before gripping onto your waist and hoisting you up from the couch as you clung onto him.

Lowering you down onto the bed, Eddie got a look at your face and saw the mascara streaks he'd been responsible for. When he wiped a thumb across one, you realised what he was doing and were quick to wipe at your own face with your hands. You were sure that whatever Eddie was looking at, wasn't very charming.

But then Eddie grabbed onto both your wrists, stilled your hands and moved them away slowly. Replaced them with his own. It felt like the least thing he could do, to slightly make it better a little. He licked one of his thumbs like your mother used to do, and used soft strokes to wipe the make-up stains away as you stared up at him. Eddie's touch was careful and tender, and you melted under it, relaxing deeper into your bed.

Eddie didn't have mascara splotches to wipe at, but you wanted to touch his face in the same ways he was touching yours. You reached up, cupped his cheeks, rubbed a thumb along a line in his face and got a smile out of him. Eddie moved his head, kissed one of your palms, then straightened up and looked at your jeans.

"Can I take these off?"

What was with all the asking for permission? It was new. You didn't mind it, but it was... different. You nodded and let Eddie undress you.

He removed your jeans, your socks, your top, your bra too, and you waited for his roaming hands. Waited for his touches, his squeezes, for Eddie to grab at you, with soft or harsh fingers – you didn't care.

Eddie then removed his own T-shirt, and instead of discarding it onto the floor with the rest of your clothing items, he moved it around in his hands, found the neckline and said, "Sit up a little." before helping you put it on.

Eddie dressed you in his own T-shirt, the one he'd worn all day and overwhelmed your senses with all things Eddie. It was the smoothest of moves that caught you entirely off guard, and you had to take the deepest of breaths to not burst into tears again.

When Eddie slipped into bed in just his boxers next to you, you noticed that you were secretly pleased that he hadn't latched onto you the second he'd seen you naked. This was much nicer. Eddie was about to get comfortable on his back, was about to pull you in for cuddles, but you stopped him.

"Lay on top of me,"

Eddie froze a second, covers held up in his hand, facial expression a little confused.

"I want to feel you on me," you felt raw and vulnerable, all up in your emotions and had shared them with him too. There was no use in hiding what you wanted from him now.

"Yea. Yea, okay." and Eddie scooted down a little, found your chest with his head and carefully relaxed until you were pressed down into the mattress by his full body weight.

Eddie listened to your heartbeat, felt himself rise and fall with your breaths and dozed off the very second he knew that you'd fallen asleep as well.

You woke up in the middle of the night when you felt Eddie roll off of you, to get more comfortable, you imagined. He laid down next to you and the loss of his warmth, his weight and his contact made your hand search for his so you at least had something, still. You were needy and clingy and knew it was unattractive and overbearing, but you didn't care. When you found his hand and interlaced your fingers with his, your felt him squeeze a few times which was enough reassurance for you to drift off again.

Eddie woke you up in the morning by placing a hot mug of coffee on your bedside table.

"Morning," Eddie sat down next to you on the bed and leant over you, one arm planted either side of you. He bent over for a kiss, and you groaned, "morning breath," and tried to avoid him getting too close. But Eddie was Eddie, and he held your face to kiss you anyway.

"Couldn't," another kiss, "care," more, "less." and then deeper too. Until Eddie murmured, "You're out of breakfast," and you groaned loudly as you squeezed your eyes shut tightly.

"Yea, I need to get groceries."

"So let's go have breakfast somewhere and get you some groceries."

You still didn't know why Eddie came to visit you. Why he had been in Hawkins, why he'd been over at Steve's. But Eddie sort of behaved in the same way he always did and you were about to plummet into domestic bliss together which you enjoyed far too much to confront him now. You'd get the answers to your questions later.

You found a little cafe to have breakfast at and sat by the window. You let Eddie choose your breakfast from the menu for you, but only because you had just told the waitress what Eddie was going to get. When your plates were put down in front of you, you both looked at the food, then at each other and both reached to switch meals because you'd chosen for each other what you really wanted to have yourselves. It was stupid and it turned you into grinning idiots, sharing dopey smiles as you ate. You missed Steve a little, thought he would have probably made some golden side comments had he been there, but you didn't mention it. Afraid it would ruin whatever it was that you and Eddie had going. Out of the confinements Hawkins held for you, where people had fully formed ideas of who you were as a person, and who you and Eddie were as friends, you got to just be... be yourselves, more. Be a little more coupley, without familiar judging eyes or the feeling you were going to have to explain to someone later that, no, you weren't actually dating, this was just what you were like.

Now, this was just who you got to be, almost without repercussions, and it made you want to up the level of it. Be a bit more of it.

And Eddie let you.

In the supermarket you noticed how flashy Eddie looked compared to every single other person in there. You realised that, when in Hawkins, Eddie definitely toned down this whole look he had created for himself. In Hawkins, Eddie was more the Eddie he'd been in high school, which, for small town terms, was pretty out there already anyway. But here, away from home and away the people that would still probably treat him as the town's freak, Eddie let some of his stage persona shine through in his outfit. Kind of made you feel a little underdressed, almost. He looked more confident, a little more removed from you, and sure, he looked very sexy, but it wasn't Eddie Eddie.

"What's chelse?" Eddie said, squinting at your shopping list. "Is this something fancy we don't have in Hawkins? That us simpletons have never heard of?" Eddie acted like he was the one stuck in Hawkins still, and that you were the one with a broadened worldview. Very obviously, that was clearly the other way around.

"Shut up, idiot. That says cheese."

"Excuse me, where do you keep your fancy chelse?" Eddie asked a teenager stacking shelves whose eyes grew with recognition for him.

"Oh my God, Eddie," you hissed under your breath, but couldn't withhold your giggles as you pulled Eddie along on your way to find some regular cheese.

Back in your apartment, Eddie started putting food away in all the wrong places, so as he placed items into random cupboards, you stood next to him and reorganized everything without saying anything. You just smiled, and when you snuck a look at Eddie, saw that he'd seen what you were doing, because he then placed bananas in the oven and a packet of uncooked spaghetti in the fridge. You were being dumb smiley idiots together and it was so cute, you imagined how Steve would say something along the lines of, "Well, at least you think this is fun." and he'd be so totally right.

"I start work soon," you said after letting yourself fall onto your couch, like you'd just ran a marathon.

Eddie copied you, hair flying as he landed against the backrest, sighing dramatically. Made you laugh.

"You can come sit at the bar, or... I don't know, stay up here, see what's on TV," you didn't want Eddie to leave, yet. You held out a hand and Eddie took hold of you, swinging your arms back and forth playfully.

"I'll have a shower, then call China... see what they have going on," Eddie joked.

"I'll send you the phone bill, so make every minute count," you joked right back, happy Eddie hadn't mentioned anything about needing to leave, about needing to get back to the band. It irked you a little too, unexpectedly, because you still didn't know why Eddie was here.

"What?" Eddie saw you frown as you looked at your hands that were still sort of moving around, drawing shapes in the space between you from your swirling elbows. You decided you were just going to be up front and ask the exact question on your mind.

"Why are you here?"

A beat.

"What made you come visit me?"

You turned to look at Eddie, who was staring at your hands just as you'd been doing.

"You weren't in Hawkins," Eddie shrugged and looked you in the eye briefly.

Your frown deepened, because that wasn't really an answer. It didn't explain anything, but just left you to put dots in places in order to connect them yourself. A dangerous game, because what if you put the dots in the wrong places and made the wrong connections?

"Missed ya," Eddie followed up, said it nonchalantly, Wayne's words echoing in his mind. He moved the hand he was holding up to his mouth to kiss it, easing the crease between your brows slightly.

No word on why he'd been back so soon. No word on what happened at Steve's for him to need to steal a note that held your details. You could imagine, sure, but those could be the wrong dots, and Eddie not elaborating only made you feel like he didn't want to talk about it. So, you didn't press it further, even though you really wanted to.

"Why did you let me in?" Eddie asked.

Oof.

You thought of all the cells in your body that all called out to Eddie at every second of every minute of every hour of every day, and about how having Eddie with you silenced all of them.

"Could hardly turn you away, could I? Leave you out in the cold?"

It was just as much of a non-answer as you'd gotten from him, and Eddie tutted, just about scoffed at you and you saw his brow furrow. You didn't take offense immediately, but were very ready to step into that box if Eddie didn't guide you away from it.

"Why do you... why are you doing this to yourself?"

Eddie instead pushed you straight into it.

"Excuse me?" you couldn't quite believe what you were hearing.

Eddie sat up, let go of your hand, used the both of his to rub his face and then turned his head a little to look at you.

"If it hurts you so much," Eddie started, but you weren't going to let him finish that sentence.

"Me?!"

Eddie just stared, blank faced.

"I'm the one who's doing this?" you challenged him.

"I mean–" Eddie raised his eyebrows and you knew he was going to have several examples ready to throw into your face. You very much didn't need to hear them.

"Why do you think I moved here, Eddie? Why I got the fuck out of Hawkins?"

Eddie just looked at you, and you could almost hear him think "you ran away", and you could feel the stinging of upcoming tears behind your eyes. The frustration of how easily emotion got hold of you again only angered you more, triggering the waterworks even more. You weren't strong enough yet. It hadn't been long enough since you'd last seen Eddie, and now here you were, a weak mess of a girl, about to drive away the person you wanted to keep close the most.

"I can't run away from myself… I can't run away from my past, from my actions, from choices I've made..." you had been able to run away from Hawkins, and so, that was what you'd done. It just hadn't worked as well as you would've hoped, and you realised it didn't work at all now that Eddie was here.

"You did… run away, I mean, didn’t you?" 

Eddie said it with so much disdain, like it was the most cowardly thing you could've ever done. Like moving out of Hawkins was the absolute worst possible thing a person could ever do in their lifetime. Like you were faint-hearted. Weak. Spineless. 

"You don’t get it." You got up to find the shoes you'd taken off earlier, wiping your hands harshly across your face to rid yourself of tears, annoyed that none of this seemed to touch Eddie at all. "Physically I had to," that was easier to say with you back towards Eddie, who was still sat on your couch. "But you think I can escape my own mind, Eddie? I’m in there, 24/7 - you are in there. It’s all the time, never ending, just... always there. How do I… how am I supposed to…" you started stumbling over words as your lips trembled, starting new sentences before ending the previous ones, thoughts overlapping and spilling out faster than your tears did. 

"Hey," Eddie got up, but you were quick to hold out both your hands, palms facing him.

"No. I've got work." you turned around, grabbed a jacket and opened your door.

"Maybe you shouldn't be here... when I get back." and before Eddie could say anything, you stepped out and shut the door behind you.

You worked a grueling shift, and Eddie had been able to hear loud voices and live music thump in your apartment. It was late when you finished work, and you were exhausted, but you'd tried all night to build yourself up. Handed over beers whilst simultaneously mentally stacking bricks to build up walls in order to shield that weak mess of a girl inside, make sure she was still safe in there.

And then, Eddie was still there when you got back.

Hatred knotted in your stomach, because Eddie was still here and you liked it. Relief washed over you when you saw him, sat in the dark, still on your couch, and you wished it had been something else. Not relief. You wished that instead you would've felt ugly things. Mean things, exclusively.

You looked at each other in silence as the door clicked shut behind you and you noticed Eddie seemed sad. However, you couldn't allow yourself to dwell on it. Because feeling bad for him wasn't going to help you. You knew exactly what was going to help you, though.

"Say something horrible to me," you sounded exhausted, voice flat, not enough energy to muster up anything more for him.

Eddie immediately frowned in confusion.

"Tell me I'm your worst mistake," you stepped closer as you let your jacket slide form your shoulders.

"Say something to make me hate you,"

"Baby," Eddie got up.

You winced at the pet name, closed your eyes and breathed heavily, tried your best to pretend you didn't hear it.

"Tell me you fuck every single girl that throws themselves at you and that they do you better than I ever will and,"

"What are you..." Eddie tried to interrupted, but it just made you speak louder over him.

"That you'll never stop because they're just, too, good," you couldn't help but let your voice slowly build anger as you avoided any and all eye contact with Eddie.

Eddie slowly got closer, confused and concerned. This isn't how he had envisioned the two of you to make up after your shift had ended.

"Say that you think I'm annoying, that you hate the way I laugh,"

Now stood right in front of you, Eddie reached for your face with both his hands and he tried to find your line of sight to make you look at him.

"I don't," Eddie started, and you were quick to interrupt. "Then lie." you said sternly.

The air felt tense, but only because you were shooting daggers, glaring at Eddie with dark eyes, trying to win the staring contest you'd started with him the second you'd made eye contact. You won, because Eddie looked at your mouth for a second, and you wondered how you were going to murder all the butterflies that sprung up in your stomach.

"Ruin us, Eddie," you tried so hard to be strong. "Please." but it was difficult, and Eddie upped the ante when he kissed you.

For a second, you let him. You let Eddie kiss you, and it was immediately hot, and heavy, and you liked it. But you were strong, God damn it. You hadn't spent all hours of your shift building yourself up for fucking nothing. You were strong and were going to protect yourself, because clearly, no one else was fucking going to.

In a bid to take back control, you bit Eddie. Harshly. It made him pull back immediately.

"Give me reasons to hate you," you pleaded, breathing heavily.

"You're a mistake," Eddie said before crashing right back into you. There was nothing kind about the way you kissed each other. Forceful lips, pressing mouths, scraping teeth mixed in with unkind words, because Eddie obliged and started giving you what you were asking for.

"You're the worst thing that's happened to me in my lifetime," Eddie started guiding you backwards towards you bed.

"I hate the way you laugh," his tongue licked at your lips as his hands started to undress you.

"I hate the way you look," he said it right as he got your bra off of you and used a hand to push you back, making you fall and bounce on the mattress.

"I'm gonna keep fuck..." Eddie stopped, sighed a small breath, like he was unable to get it out of his mouth.

"Say it," you ordered.

"I'm gonna keep fucking every single girl that wants it," and with that, Eddie let himself fall on top of you. You were used to him at least pretending that, whenever you had sex, it was about you first. Not tonight. And maybe that was exactly right, because it drove home all the words he said and made them land in your brain.

Eddie didn't care about you.

But then, inches deep inside you, Eddie panted sudden sweet words.

"You've no idea what you do to me,"

His words dripped with lust and adoration, and you could've cried, but you didn't. You were strong, remember?

"No, more things you hate, t-tell me," Eddie's pace was fast, made it hard for you to speak. "Tell me more things that make me hate you,"

Eddie grumbled, grunted, let himself fall onto you as he kept going and chased his own orgasm.

"I think," Eddie started, but was cut off by himself as he came fast. He shuddered and spasmed on top of you, moaned loudly, then softer, until everything eventually stilled. "I think we should just stay friends."

And with a kiss on your cheek, Eddie climbed off of you and disappeared into the bathroom.

When Eddie came back out, you were silently crying in your bed. Eddie slid back in, nestled under your covers, but you jolted when he tried to touch you. So Eddie turned around, and you slept in your bed the way you'd never slept in a bed together; back to back, without touching each other, like two strangers forced to share a blanket.

But, asleep-you and asleep-Eddie, weren't confined by the same things awake-you and awake-Eddie were confined by, and your bodies had found each other in the night.

You woke up the next morning with Eddie's arms around you, the little spoon to his big spoon, and for a moment, you let yourself really feel it. Feel Eddie with every fibre of your being.

You deserved to win, you thought. Because with Eddie, you’d come in first place every single time, ask anybody. But Eddie hadn’t awarded anyone in years. There wasn’t a shortlist for you to top. There was just a long line of pretty girls who waited by stage doors and by tour buses, and you didn’t want to be in that line. You wanted this; Eddie in your bed, cuddled up to you, breathing in your neck, his hair or yours tickling you with every exhale. You wanted all of this just for yourself, for ever.

But you couldn't.

Because Eddie always left.

And you had ran away from him.

"You should leave," you whispered into the dark, as the city woke up outside your windows.

"Not yet," Eddie said. "Go back to sleep."

You shifted back a little, more into him, pressing your back against his chest more as you abandoned everything that happened the night before for a second. You understood that the very moment your feet would touch your floorboards and you both got out of this bed, it'd all be real again. And then, it'd all be over.

So you snoozed, and stretched out time and pretended for a moment that you were 17 and in Eddie's old bedroom in the trailer after a weird night of crossed boundaries. You pretended to snooze until Wayne would loudly knock on the door and tell you to come and clean up the mess you left in the living room. You pretended to snooze until you were no longer pretending and you just snoozed until you woke up hours later and found yourself alone again.

Alone but for one of those stupid little notes.

"Love you x"

You read it, crumpled it up and threw it across the room before burying your face back into your pillow.

It was over now. Eddie was gone, and it was over.

-----

Read the follow up: Then Again

-----

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[itsbeeble]

Say Don't Go

SUMMARY: For too long you had been waiting for Vernon. For too long you had let these feelings fester. Now all you can do is wait and beg for him to not let you leave.

GENRE: Angst

PAIRING: Vernon Chwe x afab!reader

WC: 1.6k

SERIES MASTERLIST

PERM TAGLIST: @juyeonszn @winterchimez

SERIES TAGLIST: @captain-brie @nobraincellmode

18+ MDNI AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOGGED

WARNINGS: hurt no comfort, Vernon is an asshole, toxic relationship, implied friends with benefits, mentions of blood/knives but no one actually gets hurt it's just a metaphor, people being nosy at restaurants, a waitress is extra nosy, swearing, brief mentions of alcohol, friends to fwb to ???, ending is open-ended

A/N: I'm planning on finishing this series asap because good god I've been working on it for TOO LONG. Hopefully I'll be able to finish by mid-January jghisrghuis. Also this is NOT edited so i apologize for any mistakes.

Sometimes you wonder where it all went wrong, when you and Vernon went from something to nothing in his eyes.

Even as you lay in his arms now, you know that he would rather be anywhere else but with you in your living room. There’s a coldness in his hand as it brushes your arm, a discomfort in the smile he sends you at every comment you make about the film on your TV screen. Your fingers play with a loose string on his t-shirt and you exhale quietly, letting your body deflate against him. 

It had been months now since you and Vernon started messing around. You weren’t dating, no, Vernon hated the idea of being exclusive with someone while he was so young. This was…this was something else. You knew he slept with other people, knew that every night he found someone knew but on the weekends he crawled back to you. He made you think he loved you. You wonder if he knew that you’d only ever slept with him. That he was your first everything, and that it broke your heart every time he left you.

“You’re thinking.” And then he does this. He knows you so well it scares you. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Vernon lifts his head off the arm of the couch, straining to look at where you lay on his chest. 

“You’re lying to me now?” A crooked smile, playful yet curious, is flashed in your direction. Your stomach churns uncomfortably, knowing that despite him being able to read you so well, you knew nothing of what he was thinking. Not anymore, at least. 

“Why would I lie to you?” Your eyes are drooping, and you nuzzle deeper into his chest. His hand slowly trails up your arm and rests on your head.

“Why wouldn’t you?” His voice sounds faint. 

“Because I love you.” 

He says nothing, and you don’t expect him to. Not anymore. In the past, before acceptance had hit you, maybe you would’ve hoped he would. Maybe you would’ve begged him to say it back, and maybe he would’ve. He would’ve let you believe that he loved you, but you know he doesn’t. 

You should’ve known better than to believe that Vernon would show up. You should’ve known better than to convince yourself that he wouldn’t forget you at the restaurant, that he wouldn’t choose someone else over you. 

Now, three hours later, you’re finishing up another drink, picking at the dessert you’d treated yourself to after the meal. You weren’t going to let your own naivety ruin your night, even if the tears welling in your eyes have been threatening to spill over like a waterfall. You’re glad you’d chosen a booth for yourself, facing away from the door so you don’t get your hopes up every time it opens. 

The knife in your heart has been twisted far too many times, the blood spilling down your chest for all to see. You were tired of it, so why were still holding out hope for him?

Someone sinks into the booth across from you, out of breath and leaning his head back for a few moments. 

“Shit, traffic was bad.” Vernon gasps out. A lie. “And— and then the parking. Shit, the parking was awful.” Why is he lying?

“Stop.” Vernon stares at you, his lips still parted as he catches his breath. “Stop lying to me, please. For once.” 

His lips draw into a thin line, and he adjusts his position to sit straighter. It almost hurts to see him so dressed up for you, but then you see the lipstick on his collar and your anger comes back. 

The waitress returns with your check, shooting Vernon a dirty look. She’d pieced together the story on her own, not that it was hard to figure out. A heartbroken girl, alone in a booth for two hours. Who wouldn’t be able to figure out what happened?

The two of you sit silently in the booth as you fill out your bill, sliding your card into the book and placing it near the edge of the table. 

“You’re mad at me.” Vernon concludes, and you scoff.

“Yeah, sure.” You cross your arms, and Vernon bites on his tongue. 

“Why— why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” He tries to keep his voice down, his hands tightening into fists. Your eyes scan him, scan his tense posture and the muscles ticking in his jaw. 

“I feel like it should be obvious, no?” The ice in your glass of water has melted and you take a small sip, letting the cold liquid slide down your throat slowly. 

“Well, I’m sorry to say this, but it’s not.” You sniff, whether in distaste or to hold back your tears you can’t tell. “Sometimes you have to actually tell people what you want.”

“I have, Vernon.” You hiss and smile at the waitress when she grabs the check again. “I have voiced everything to you time and time again, and yet you seem to ignore it. It’s like you don’t care about me— and I’m not talking about our fucking sex life.”

He opens his mouth to talk, but you keep going. 

“Did you forget that we were friends before this?” You ask him, and for a moment he thinks it’s rhetoric. When you don’t continue speaking, he stutters out a response.

“I— no, I didn’t, but Y/N—”

“If you didn’t forget then why do you act like this?” Your eyebrows are furrowed, your lips pursed. “All— All I ever asked of you is to prioritize our friendship over anything else. That— that if you thought things were getting past the point of no return, then we’d break it off. But you didn’t, and it’s like you couldn’t give less of a damn about me anymore. Why, Vernon? Why the fuck didn’t you break it off when you figured out I was falling in love with you?”

It’s like a bucket of ice-cold water has been tossed over him, the heat from running to meet you being entirely replaced with a cold sweat. He knew, of course. How could he not have known when you made it so obvious?

“You— you’re blaming me for this?” He asks. “You’re the one who agreed to be in this relationship— no, you’re the one who brought it up in the first place!”

“Because I liked you!” The tables around you are turning their heads, and you lower your voice. “I knew what I was getting into when you first kissed me at that fucking holiday party at Seungcheol’s, but it’s your fault that it got to this point. It’s your fault for stringing me along even though you knew the whole fucking time.” 

Your heart is pounding, your chest rising and falling rapidly, and your head feels like it’s going to explode at any moment. 

“So— so this is it then?” Vernon sinks back against the uncomfortable booth. “You’re throwing away six years of friendship because— because what? You couldn’t control your fucking feelings? Well, I’m sorry but I’m not gonna be part of your fucking pity party.” You hear a gasp from the booth behind you, as well as hushed whispers, and suddenly all your anger is replaced by embarrassment. 

“I— I can’t believe you.” You whisper, staring at him with wide eyes. “I— why would you say that?” 

Vernon’s mind races, thoughts of regret and fear pushing forward as he watches you grab your purse. 

“Y/N—” he starts to stand but you raise your hand to stop him. His hands are on the table, the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground. 

“I…I loved you, Vernon.” You try to control your breathing, but it feels impossible with the rush of emotions hitting you. “I’m sorry that I meant nothing to you, but do not blame this shit on me.”

He watches you walk away, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Stunned is not quite the word for what he’s feeling at the moment. Confused? No…no he’s not confused. Vernon knows exactly why this happened, and knows that the only person to blame is himself. 

You hesitate at the door, your hand reaching for the handle slowly as if waiting for something. He wonders if you’re waiting for him to say something, to chase you and tell you not to leave. 

He doesn’t, and he watches you leave the restaurant and shudder under the frigid weather of mid-December. 

Your waitress clears her throat, that same dirty look on her face.

“She forgot her card.” She explains, thrusting it back into his hand. “Make sure it gets back to her.” 

“I…I uh—”

“I get that you’re a stupid bitch,” she whispers harshly to him, and his head jerks back in shock. “But that girl waited two and a half fucking hours for you. If you give even the tiniest shit about her, you’ll run out the door right now and fix it.” 

Vernon’s mouth is hanging open as the waitress walks away to her next table, a fake grin plastered onto her face. 

You waited for him.

You waited for him, knowing that he wasn’t going to come, and now he’s fucked everything up beyond repair.

His feet are moving before his mind does.

The bell above his head chimes and his breath is knocked out of him once again when he takes his first gulp of cold air. 

Don’t go. Please, please don’t go.

Don’t leave me.

© itsbeeble. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[bloodycherry22]

Do two wrongs make a right? | Ellie Williams

Genre: Smut, slow burn

Summary: Ellie is your beloved ex that you haven't spoke to since the breakup other than the many heated back and forth arguments. When on a forced long trip with Ellie, one thing leads to another.

Warnings: Cussing, Fighting, Reader slaps Ellie, Smut, Fingering, Kind of scissoring?, Sex lmao. What else to put here? 18+ Read at your own risk.

Not proofread. 4k+ words

She drove you crazy. Whether it was her auburn hair, her freckled cheeks or her eyes that had that glimmer only her gaze held. She made you crazy, all you wanted, no you needed, was to scream at her, that smug face she had every time she successfully made you angry or the furrowed brows at you every time you made her mad. It was all so fucking annoying. It made you despise how much love and care you had both shared with each other in the past.

With a deep puff of cold air, you knelt into the snowy ground, the frost making a satisfying crunch under your feet and knee, feeling the cold spread onto the harsh denim of your worn jeans. Everywhere was laced in white, trees frosted from the harsh abuse of winter, it should be pretty, but to you it was bleak, because of the words that had just left Marias mouth.

"Now girls..at the start of every year someone has to travel to get more supplies and every year that trip is further and harder, of course i don't want to send two young girls but do you think i have a choice? Everyone is sick, some deadly, that is, and don't act like you both aren't some of our top patroler's" She lectured, you just scoffed, standing up straight and wiping the frost off your knees. Ellie crossed her arms, awkwardly kicking the snow beneath her, looking up at the sky, as if it would suck her up and save her from this treacherous trip with you. But it wouldn't.

"So..you lovely girls are going to have to put aside your differences, and get to work." She stated, her voice stern, signalling an end to the conversation. Finally, Ellie met your gaze, narrowing her eyes at you as you just pulled a face that held a lot of rude words behind it. With a sigh, she looked away and signaled for Maria to show you both the supplies. Maria placed a variety of weapons on the table and two backpacks, explaining one was filled with rations and the other with equipment like water purifying cans and flints for fires, etc. You and Ellie stood meters apart, both deeply listening to her words.

Exes or not, you'd both rather not die on this (based on Maria's estimate) 5 day trip to Colorado. Supposedly there was rumors of more supplies and we had intel from new Jackson residents who knew the area well. the ride itself being a little under ten hours. After a long hour of talking and getting ready, you and ellie both set off, sat on a single horse that was dressed for the bitter weather. While being on the same horse you were quite capable of keeping your distance, comfortably sitting away from her, reading the map. She held onto the reins of the horse, her fingers bitten by the cold.

"Left?" She asked, voice bland and empty, as if she held no emotions towards you. "Mhm" You responded and she turned, carefully going around the abandoned cars on what was once a freeway. You looked around, able to see Jackson from your position, maybe an hour or two away at this point. A few extra turns had to be took to avoid walkers and heavy debris but so far the journey was safe and quick, however boring, the silence was excruciatingly loud, you were actually able to hear the gentle snowfall of mid January winter. She cleared her throat and you pursed your lips in anticipation. "So..how is..things?" She asked awkwardly and you grumbled.

"Ellie, we do not need to do the whole small talk thing.." "Well y'know, it's quite annoying and awkward the silence, i think the horse is pissed off at this rate" She spoke sharply and you felt the rage spike in your chest.

"That honestly sounds like a you and the horse kind of problem, because i am perfectly content not hearing your voice again" You snapped and she chuckled sadistically. "Oh, you would like that wouldn't you?" She snarled, glancing over her shoulder to smirk at you.

"Just shut the fuck up and lead the horse" You shook your head, facing the map again. And she did, with a proud laugh. The next few hours were dreadfully silent, with the exception of snapping at each other every time one of you messed up the directions or couldn't communicate properly. The insults were growing ruder and less funny, it was clear both of you were completely done with each other, to the point you were actually hurting each other. You knew the insults were too far and so did she but maybe two wrongs make a right.

--

"You said right! Are you kidding me?!" She yelled, looking around, both of you now stood on the ground, you looking frantically at the map as she tightly held the reigns of the horse.

"Because the map says right, Ellie." You spat, voice much quieter than hers but somehow much harsher.

"Well newsflash, y/n, times have changed since..what" She snatched the map of you with her right hand, pointing at the top hand corner of the fragile paper. "2014!" The map clearly stated in bold, USA Map 2014.

"What do you expect? For me to just magically know that this would lead to a dead end? I'm not that fucking skilled Ellie." "Oh trust me, i know that" She said, tone sarcastic.

Both of you angrily looked around, complete silence, again, Ellie attempting to read the worn map in the dim light of what you assumed to be almost evening.

"Look Ellie-" "Y/n..I''m trying to focus, shut up"

"Oh my god!" You laughed "You are so stubborn!" You groaned and placed your hands to your face, your fingertips brushing your hair back. Her face was sour, a look of pure hatred laced upon her features. "Like you aren't? You haven't let me look at the map this whole trip"

"Because you were leading the goddamn horse, stop making shit up" You scoffed and turned around, looking at any near by buildings, seeing a few with semi-intact doors and enough security to camp in. "Look, its getting dark, and because its winter, darkness will hit us before we know it-"

"I know, I know" She grumbled, folding the map and placing it into her pocket, actually concentrating on your words. Her eyes flickering over your expression, hands fiddling in her pockets as she kicked the now thicker snow beneath her. Just like earlier, her dirty converse heavily worn, how isn't she freezing?

You carried on "We could go deeper into the housing area and try and find some of the more..empty houses" You stated and she nodded, silently agreeing with you. "We'll walk, riding a horse will be too noisy, don't want any risks." She huffed and began walking, pulling the horse, who seemed to get the memo and walked at a much slower pace than before. You walked with her, placing your hand carefully over your gun holster, guessing that this was a more dangerous area.

The houses were destroyed, windows smashed, doors no longer there, bricks falling apart. At the sound of groaning and clicking, you were quick to turn to Ellie, who was already holding her dagger. She nodded at you and let go of the horse, turning to face the two runners and single clicker in what you assume was once a small store. She walked in and took care of the clicker first as you slowly stepped towards the runner, stealthily killing it, in the corner of your eye, seeing Ellie take down the other.

She scoped out the area and you were reminded why you were both chosen, you knew what you were doing and so did she, to an impressive extent. She came back to you and ushered you out, her hand on your lower back sent shivers down your spine. "We can't stay here." She muttered and sped up her pace, pulling you with her, her fingertips tickling your waist with a soft grip. "What..why?" You nudged her hand off of you, acting petty.

"Y/n, we don't have time to argue, just fucking go, there's hunters a few houses out, i can hear their fuckin' snobby accents" She snapped and so you listened, she grabbed the horses reigns and you all sped down the road, feet crunching in the snow. Soon you were much deeper into the town, finding afew, less damaged houses and stepping inside. Ellie held the door open as you helped the horse inside, tying it to the table in the larger room. You had been lucky to find this are, windows smashed but filled in with cardboard, walls intact, minus the damp and ripped wallpaper.

"I'll check the upstairs, you look around downstairs." She stated, pursing her lips as you nodded at her. It was much easier to put your differences aside when safety was at risk. The kitchen was cleaner than you had expected, a few of the cabinet doors missing and some moldy food that you were quick to chuck out the window, flicking the light switch, no surprise, it stayed dark. It was clear the house was safe and empty, but small. A one person house at most, the downstairs being the kitchen and one larger room that held a broken down couch that was covered in dust and what seemed to be black mold. The table that the horse stood beside was in decent shape and the horse was already getting comfortable, it sat carefully on the floor, its eyes covered by the swinging strands of hair from the draft, completely innocent and unbeknownst to the truth of the world.

Soon, Ellie's heavy steps were heard, she trudged towards you and flung her backpack onto the table. "There's only two rooms up there, a bathroom, and a bedroom." She stated, voice angry and teeth gritted.

"But safe?" You asked, clueless to why she was so angry, the smaller the house, the less likely to be searched.

"Safe, of course it's fucking safe. Even a runner wouldn't want to be stuck in a house this small" She growled "I am stuck here, with you."

You took in her words, feeling a sharp pain in your chest before realizing the truth. You had to stay with her, in such close proximity for at least a night, with the snow maybe multiple. You sighed and placed your backpack on your table, pulling out two tightly packed sandwiches, throwing one at her which she skillfully caught. She shook her head "No, i'm not hu-"

"Yes you are, just eat, we can take turns sleeping, then we wont have to see each other, I'll go on watch first, assuming that there is a window upstairs, eat and come up to get some rest." You stated, pushing away your anger and calmly walking upstairs as she just stared in silence, you could feel her gaze burning into you until you were out of her eye-line. You pulled on the chair in the bedroom, slowly but surely dragging it beside the window, again surprised at the cleanliness of the house.

Yawning, you took a seat and stared out the window, as you tiredly ate the sandwich, you were able o see the hunters that Ellie had mentioned, but they were miles off, clearly leaving the town and clueless to your presence. Sure enough, about ten minutes past and Ellie's steps were heard, you could recognize them anywhere, sure that you would be able to hear hers in a crowd. And here you are, reminiscing of the time when it was actually nice to be around her.

"Hey" Her voice was clear, a different tone to earlier.

"Hey." You responded, purposefully sounding dry, not turning to face her. You heard the bed dip and the sound of a boot being kicked off, then another, she stood to carefully place them neatly beside yours, as if she was making an effort. You could feel her presence behind you, nervously pulling your leg to your chest as you pretended to be looking around. She placed her hand on the back of the chair and the other on the windowsill beside you, almost caging you in place with a very gentle thud.

Moving your gaze to land on her hand, you noticed the veins on the back of her hand and the light scars littered over her knuckles, skin somehow smooth despite being scattered in lines, you could remember the way they had felt a while ago, gently grasping your own or smoothing over your thigh, sure you missed it, but it wasn't like you wanted her back.

"Look, I'm sorry-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for, we have both been dicks to each other" You cut her off

"Exactly, i'm sorry for being a dick.." She seemed to hesitate, fueling your anger as you turned to look at her, she stood a few mere inches away from you, towering over your sat figure.

"Are you waiting for me to apologize? Is that a fucking joke?" You scoffed and looked at her in almost shame. She seemed taken back. "A joke, very funny, i'm trying to be the bigger person here and apologize because we still have days to go of us being around eachother! So..you know, i kind of expect you to grow the fuck up and apologize back!"

"Ellie, Two wrongs make a right, right? I'm only doing this shit because you started it-"

"Don't, we both know it's mutual, you just said it, You broke up with me goddammit! You started it if anything." She yelled, lifting her hand to emphasize her point, you just shook your head and chuckled, breathy. "That's in the past Ellie, it has noting to do with now." You stated and attempted to push her out of your way but she stood her ground, eyes staring into you.

"It has everything to do with now and you fucking know it" She spoke, voice just above a whisper, words sharp enough to stab you, you almost wished that they would. Her tone sent shivers down your spine, the gruffness making your heart pound.

"Like i said, i'm mad at you because your acting shitty now, not because you acted shitty then." You sarcastically smiled at her and nudged her again but she still stood, placing her hand back onto the windowsill, actually caging you this time. Her eyes traveled over your face, as if she was scanning you, judging or checking you out, who knew but fuck she looked good.

She had removed her button down shirt, now comfortable in her plain gray vest that tightly hugged her frame, muscles tense, her arms large and strong, biceps seeming to clench as her chest moved up and down slowly to match her light breathing. She smirked and shook her head. "You seriously drive me fucking insane, your such a bitch" She patronized, her voice condescending and degrading.

"Fuck. You." You spoke bitterly and moved closer, tilting your head to prove your point. She grinned and snickered at your remark, and god did you want to hit her, assuming she would want to hit you too in this moment. You pushed her, this time with more power and her form faltered, but her grasp on the windowsill just tightened, knuckles white when you shared a glance in their direction.

After a moment, you worked up the courage to look into her eyes that were already gazing deeply at you, seeming to travel over you, catching her checking you out didn't affect her in the slightest, if anything she grew more confident. "You are so mad, and you look so cute" She teased, lifting her hand to place her fingers under your chin, forcing eye contact. "You wanna hit me so bad, 'can see it in your eyes..so fierce." She was right. You wanted t punch her right in her cocky fucking face.

"Do it, c'mon, fuckin' hit me, pretty girl" She joked and if that's what she wanted.. Wheres the issue? You raised your hand to slap her across the face, gently but enough to hurt and warn her. She scoffed, looking into the corner of the room before looking at you, she licked her hips, a light speck of red on the corner of her mouth, you bust her lip, maybe you were tougher than you thought.

She stared at you in light shock, all to be heard was each others light panting. Suddenly her lips were against yours, vicious and assertive, the kiss rough and heavy, giving you no time to respond. Your mind was clouded and you could taste copper, she filled your senses, you couldn't think any thoughts other than her. Soon, you kissed back, lips perfectly molding together, as if they were puzzle pieces made for each other. She pulled back and looked at you, both taking a moment to catch your breath. She seemed like she was about to speak, presumably to make a snarky remark.

"Just shut the fuck up" You breathed out pathetically and kissed her with power, almost lunging into her, she laughed a little and stepped back until her shins hit the bed frame, her hands dancing over your waist, nervous to touch you. The kiss was stronger and more meaningful as you nudged her onto the bed, instantly climbing onto her and straddling her lap. She hummed into you mouth at the familiar position. You knew how wrong it was, how you might regret it terribly when you wake up, but you didn't care, it was clear you both didn't.

You hands fell to her hair, tangling into the auburn tousled strands, noting the small noise she made when your fingertips tugged ever so gently at her hair. As you pulled back to kiss at her neck, her lips followed yours, needy, you just smirked and dove into her neck, kissing over the skin and littering small bites down her collarbone.

She leaned away after a moment, restraining herself. "Your not in charge here babe" She stated confidently and you seemed to snap, remembering how dominant she was in the past, your thighs tightened just at the thought and she grinned, watching you. "Come back to me, sweetheart" she tantalized, peppering kisses on your cheek and jaw, hand cupping the other side of your face, her other hand dragging down your side until she reached the hem of your shirt.

Your eyes fluttered closed as she began to suck at the skin of your neck, a quiet mewl escaping you. You could feel her cocky grin against you, face feeling hot at the thought. She pulled back to carefully pull your shirt over your head, Eyes travelling over your body in a haze, hands landing on your waist and spreading over your rib cage to tug you closer, lips marking your skin. Gasps and little noises left your agape mouth as her hands roamed your body. "Fuck..Missed you so much, missed this so much" She mumbled into your chest, reaching behind you to undo the clasps of your bra, lips leaving you to carefully glide the material over your shoulders. "Missed you too..Ellie" You murmured, voice shaky as one hand lifted to grope at your tits, thumb brushing over your nipple.

She suddenly flipped you onto the bed and pulled her vest over her head, kissing you passionately, hands moving to either side of your face. Her frame hovering over yours, one of her thighs resting comfortably between your legs, keeping her steady. Her lips moved magically against yours before she moved back, barely an inch, lips still touching as she met your half lidded eyes. "Promise me you wont regret this" She asked, voice unsure.

"I promise, 'promise i'll be nice for the rest of the trip, never wanted to hurt you Ells.." You breathed out, one of your hands landing on her cheek.

"Fuck, still love you" She choked out, a low grumble leaving her as she pressed multiple short kisses to your lips, watching the way you fell for her so easily. "All mine, want you to be mine." She stated in between kisses.

You nodded, quickly at that. "Yes, fuck yes please, Ells..all yours. Love you s'much" You whimpered, finding yourself rolling your hips against her thigh. She smirked at you and moved her hands as she began to unbuckle her jeans, eyeing you up as if to tell you to do the same. As you shakily undid your jeans, she was already done pushing hers off. She chuckled mockingly and tugged yours down for you "Hm, need a little help there babe?"

"ssh, shut up" you grunted and looked at her perfect figure, resting your palms on her chest, gliding them down her abdomen as if to admire her. She hummed at the touch, head tipping back ever so slightly, clearly touch starved since the breakup. You both longed for each other, it's crazy this hadn't happened sooner.

She took your hands in hers and laced your fingers together, lifting your hands to kiss at your knuckles, smiling ever so slightly. She then dropped your hands and nodded as if telling you to move. She pushed down the last of her clothing and sat up at the headboard, patting her lap. You nervously crawled onto her lap, it had been a while since you had both been this vulnerable with each other, or anyone. Carefully, you let your thighs sit either side of her and she tutted, fingers teasingly playing with the hem of your panties. "Too much clothes" She joked and let her hand slip between your thighs, middle finger gently grazed over your slit over the sheer fabric, thumb brushing small circles into your clothed clit. A silent moan left your mouth as your eyes squeezed shut, hands landing on her shoulders.

"Fuck, y/n, so wet already?" She snickered, voice impressed and sensual. She carefully pushed the material to the side and pushed her middle finger into you, curling it to perfectly hit the spongy, soft spot that made your thighs shake and grip tighten on her, small squeaks escaping your now swollen lips. She hummed in response to your actions and began to rhythmically move her finger inside of you, watching as you began to move against her.

She seemed in awe, loving the way you were reacting to her barely touching you, you suddenly became aware of the knot in your stomach tightening. The only issue was, so did she. She swiftly pulled her finger out of you and grinned at the way you quivered. "Baby, that isn't even the fun part." She stated, you looked at her expecting more, eyes hazy. She motioned for you to take your underwear off and so you did.

Soon after, she re-positioned you both so you were straddling a single one of her thighs and one of yours was between her legs, you fit together perfectly. She looked at you and nodded, beginning to move against you, rolling her hips against yours as you did the same. Both of you gasping for air, she held more composure but you were quick to grab onto her again.

She moaned quietly and placed her hands onto your waist, gripping gently and helping you stay steady. Quite quickly, you were both grinding against each other at a swift pace, whines and moans were all to be heard from both of you. You felt the knot once again and your noises grew louder, moving against her with less rhythm, hips bucking as you let out a few choked whimpers, eyes squeezing shut as her head fell back against the headboard. As you came undone on her, she appeared to do the same, hips sputtering and mouth agape.

"Ellie-fuck so good" You mewled pathetically as you came to, looking at her. She nodded and chuckled, panting. "Really fucking missed your body, and you, but mostly-" She breathed "Your body" She joked and with all the energy you could work up, you playfully hit her shoulder.

"Kidding, really missed you sweetheart..love you" She spoke, truthfully, a worn out smile on her face as she leaned in to kiss you one more time. You laughed lightly and nodded "Love you too Ells" You ruffled her hair.

"But, i was correct" You started "Two wrongs make a right" "No they fucking don't, i just still loved your dumb ass" She laughed.

Taglist: @constellieationn @sureimanerd @trolsu

Commented on post reffering to this fic: @spacecinnamonbuns @xblackoutx098

[nervousimposter]

Notes: I am in the works for part 2 on this. I’m thinking of an explicit scene in Steves POV so that should be out in a few days. 

Part two

Everybody knows the picnic table behind the school was for one specific purpose. One purpose ran by one person, and it was by appointment only, thank you very much. Outside of those business hours, the table was to be avoided. And it was. No one went into the woods behind the school unless a meeting was scheduled. Even on those days that a buyer would traverse that one-minute walk through the woods to the table, they would get the goods, pay and immediately leave. They never stayed beyond the 30 second interaction. No one wanted to spend more time than they needed with the super senior ‘Freak’. Capital F required according to some people. 

But it’s fine. Actually, more than fine. It left that portion of school grounds almost always student free. Eddie took advantage of that. Has been taking advantage of it really. His reputation kept all those pesky people from even wanting to step near the woods leading to the table. Which is exactly what he wanted. A place for him to get away. Somewhere he didn’t need to deal with assholes bothering him or a quiet place to scheme his next campaign. That was all he was trying to achieve. His own little fortress of solitude. And that was exactly what it was starting his junior year. Picnic table paradise. Second run through of senior year though. That brought some changes. One change mainly, but that trickled into many. So, so many. 

It started on that first day of school. Alarm was forgotten to be set, rushed through getting ready, yadda yadda yadda. Pretty familiar school morning for Eddie, to be honest. Got to class just as the bell rang so just took the closest available seat. All that trouble only to realize he didn’t have a pencil. So what does he do? Ask the person in front of him for one. And then he’s staring into Steve Harrington’s eyes. His pretty, pretty brown eyes. And that's where it all started. Pencil favors led to casual conversations which led to services exchanged which led to meeting at the table behind the school. All pretty standard when it came to getting customers for Eddie. But Steve wasn’t like the rest of the student body. He didn’t just grab his goods and go. He sat down. He sat and talked. Not only did he stay during those appointments, he showed up outside of them. Sometimes Eddie would get to the table and Steve would already be there. Eddie was fucked. Royally, royally fucked. 

He held out for five months. The first two were because Steve was in a very committed relationship with Wheeler and seemingly VERY straight. The next three after that was because Steve was clearly heartbroken over whatever happened to him over Halloween and was still seemingly VERY straight. But then came that auspicious day mid-January. A, at this point, regular meet up at the picnic table to shoot the shit had them leaning against each other laughing at something he can’t even remember anymore. The kind of laughter that would end only to start again when they made eye contact. In the lull of comfortable silence after their fit, both of them just trying to catch their breath, Steve turned towards him and grabbed his face. Cradled it, really. Big warm hands just bracketing his cheeks and holding him still as his eyes trailed across his face before landing on his lips. Asking without asking. And of course Eddie kissed him. Kissed him absolutely silly. And that was a month ago. A whole month now of daily picnic table meetups. The picnic table that no one goes to without appointments. Fortress of solitude. Picnic table paradise. Aptly named now that Steve Harrington was involved.

[jokeroutsubs]

Joker Out in Metropolitan magazine: "Another step forward"

An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin and Kris Guštin in the autumn/winter 2023 issue of Metropolitan magazine (published 27.10.2023). They talk about their plans for next year (recording in London, touring, and the new album), the way they approach making music, and how they've changed after Eurovision.

Another step forward

The highly successful group Joker Out, consisting of Bojan Cvjetićanin, Kris Guštin, Nace Jordan, Jan Peteh and Jure Maček, is already well-known and warmly received here. The biggest night of their career - sold-out Stožice - is behind them. 12 thousand listeners (including me) gathered in Ljubljana's arena, where we enjoyed hit after hit for two whole hours. Even though they're still young and at a relatively early stage of their journey, Joker Out are already an accepted constant on the Slovenian, and now also international, music scene. They're so omnipresent and so high-profile that it feels like they've been active for decades already, even though we've only really started listening to them. So we are definitely interested to see what else they will get up to in the future.

M: At the end of September, you released your first song in English. Was that foreshadowing for the album?

Bojan: One song on the album is ticked off, and you can expect the whole album next year, around this time.

Kris: After the New Year, we'll start recording it abroad.

Bojan: We've decided to take our time and work through the things that have happened to us so that our feelings can settle down and we can allow ourselves both a creative break and a break from performing. We will start afresh in the new year and go abroad for the first time. We won't approach the new album the same way we did Demoni, where we set ourselves a four-month timeframe to make it; rather, the creative process will last from January until somewhere around mid-summer. We will also probably be in different locations.

M: You said that you were going abroad. Did you mean that in terms of recording, or that you are heading onto their scene? In recent months, you've already stepped onto international stages, where everyone received you with open arms.

Bojan: Yes, in a sense we're already present on the foreign scene, but while recording the album, we will move to London for a few months to create there as well. We have a European tour coming up in March and the first week of April, then we will return to London, and over the summer we'll perform at festivals and return home to our base. After releasing the album at the end of September or in October, we will do another tour or two.

M: You mention London a lot. Have you grown really attached to it?

Bojan: London filled us with inspiration and captivated us the most. It's true that the new song is called Sunny Side of London, but it doesn't actually have any connection to London other than me having to pick a location. The idea was born when we were driving around England in a bus that you sleep in overnight while it's driving from one location to another. When we were driving from Glasgow to London, I woke up in the morning, just happened to open the window, and we were just driving past the Palace of Westminster, which was bathed in sunshine. And that is how the song title came to be! (laughter) But the song is about our fans, our concerts, our connection with the fans - it actually describes the experiences from past concerts.

M: Given that you've spent quite some time in London, do you each have your own favourite corner of it?

Kris: I liked Camden a lot.

Bojan and Kris (in an English accent): Camden town!

Bojan: A part of London that I love a lot is Richmond. It seemed like a fairy tale to me.

M: What kind of response did you get when you released your first song in English?

Kris: To be honest, the response was a lot better than I expected. We weren't afraid, but we did expect some negativity from the Slovenian public who is used to the Slovenian language, but I think that we got good support from the Slovenian and Balkan audiences. It seems that we all understand that this is something that's necessary for wider commercial success abroad, to allow us to build a career there. On the other hand, I also want to say that we didn't force ourselves to make a song in English, it happened completely naturally. As we were working on it, Bojan started singing the lyrics to Sunny Side of London over the music.

Bojan: In the studio, we followed Žare's [Pak, their producer] rule that the language you're drawn to at the start should be the one you finish in. We made a few demos while we were in the studio, Sunny Side of London was the one we liked the most, and I started writing it in English and it stayed that way. We've learned that that's the only way to go, because at some point we had planned to translate our songs from Slovenian to English, but then we saw that there was no point in doing that. When a song is made in one language, it should stay that way. A translation is really just an adaptation of sorts. I think that our listeners could feel that it [SSOL] was an original work.

M: You two are the ones who usually write the lyrics you perform. How about for Sunny Side of London?

Bojan: I wrote the lyrics.

Kris: Bojan wrote the lyrics and we padded it with chords. (laughter)

M: Has your dynamic changed recently, in terms of making music?

Kris: We are changing more and more. Sunny Side of London is actually a good example of how our music-making has evolved. It's true that in the past, Bojči would bring a song to rehearsals, every now and then I would bring one as well, and then we made something from that idea. Now we approach things differently. First we do something with the instruments, you could say that we're 'jamming', then we find some sort of a draft or a moment we all liked, and then we develop our idea based on that, and Bojan has the opportunity to write lyrics for it. Sometimes we have ideas that we can realise later on. For example, Bojan had been thinking about us screaming in a song for a while, but he didn't know how to incorporate that. Well, we found an opportunity to use that. We've got to the point where we feel that it's a natural creative process, and we don't come to rehearsals with a ready-made idea anymore.

M: Would you say that you prefer this way of creating?

Bojan: Actually this natural way is much more freeing, because we are completely carefree in making our musical ideas happen. I am generally a big proponent of the idea that if I can manage to make a song the way I imagined it, I absolutely like that. It results in some slightly different songs as well, but I think that 'jamming' is really healthy for the band.

Kris: It's also true that Bojan has less and less time to write songs at home. It's better to come to rehearsals when we have two days off between tours, because that's where we shatter ourselves with music. That's how we express the feelings that have built up in us during a tour.

Bojan: We can truly refresh our minds and express what we feel. In the week we spent in the studio, we got a lot of top quality material. Completely spontaneously and naturally. I'm not worried about the new album, because we already know that we have some top quality drafts that we keep thinking of and we can't wait to get to them. On the other hand, we still have four months of living in a new environment coming up, which will definitely give us new wings in that regard.

M: So it suits you that you'll be going out of your comfort zone?

Bojan: Absolutely.

Kris: Like you said before - we are present on the international scene, but to truly be present means to be in a cultural centre like London, where alongside music, you can also create a team as well as a strategy going forwards, for how you're going to efficiently break into that market.

M: Given that you already have ideas for the album, I'd like to know if there's a message that you want to include in it?

Bojan: Honestly, no. I believe that we will approach our creative work the same way we've approached it before. If we like it, then it's good. We truly haven't adapted any songs in a way that we thought would work if it didn't work for us. We're lucky to have Žare, who is an excellent "filter". He will also come with us abroad, wherever the road takes us. We remain faithful to our base.

Kris: With the new song, we also started working with Sebastian Krys, a nearly 20-time Grammy winner, in the post-production phase. He also put a lot of himself into this song and I believe that he will give a lot to the new album as well. We have another "filter" who is well-established on the international scene.

M: How do you maintain your unique sound on the music scene?

Bojan: Between playing concerts, creating, and growing up, each member of the band has developed a persona behind his instrument. It's fascinating to see how important the person behind the instrument is. Kris, Jan, Nace and Jure have developed a style of playing that really belongs to them and is a kind of indescribable mark that you can recognise, and it is becoming more and more obvious. My character has also been built, as a singer and a musician standing on stage. When we combine all five of us, we get the Joker Out sound. Just yesterday I was having coffee with Žare and he asked me why people respond so strongly to what we're doing. With many musicians, when you're at their concerts, you feel that they are on the stage and you are under the stage. There's no personal connection. People like that seem very inaccessible. We feel that we have managed to keep a playfulness on stage and a relationship with the audience where each individual feels like they're at their own concert, and everyone else just came along. If we look at the ultra-successful stars, they also make you feel like they're singing only to you at their concerts. If we don't lose that, we're good. If we do lose it, then we're f*****! (laughter)

M: How did your life change after Eurovision?

Bojan: We're suddenly able to have concerts all around Europe, which is truly unbelievable. Next year we might be able to go even further, because we really travel a lot. Suddenly there are a lot of things on the line that we haven't had to deal with until now. We faced two big challenges as a band in a short time. After all, this is a group of people who were used to working in their home environment, and then it suddenly changed. If the dynamic changes in a negative way, there can quickly be friction. I'm glad that we had a few "baptisms by fire" where we had to act as one and build stronger bonds to be able to handle all that. I think that we've grown as a band and as individuals.

Kris: Just the fact that we went on holiday together immediately after Stožice says a lot.

Bojan: Yes, the only holiday we have.

M: You're good!

Bojan: Or stupid. (laughter)

Kris: We did have a week when we were each on our own.

Bojan: But we were sick in that time, so we were forced to be apart. That was when we realised how much we missed each other. We're not a group of coworkers anymore, we spend more time together than with any relative or best friend. I feel like I don't know how to live without these four dudes. (laughter)

M: Do you see music differently after Eurovision?

Bojan: Yes! We never want to play with playback again. At Eurovision, only the vocals are live, which is hard for musicians.

Kris: It was an interesting experience, but I really wouldn't do it again.

Bojan: Can you imagine someone telling you once again that you have to spend half a year just emptily plucking your strings?

Kris: And only one song over and over…

M: Is there a song that you're always excited to perform on stage?

Kris: Most of them, but a good example would be Ona.

Bojan: That's true. Ona is a good example, collectively. Or Tokio?

Kris: Nace is the biggest fan of Tokio, but I think we all vibe to it. (laughter) For me it's Plastika.

Bojan: Oooh, yes! And Ne bi smel.

Kris: Oooh, yes! All the songs from the second album. (laughter) Carpe Diem is nice too. Everyone is waiting for that song!

Bojan: I think Novi val is also a very special, really powerful song. Especially now that we've performed it abroad. You realise how many obstacles we have in our heads that can actually be bridged with one click. And when you see an entire hall of people, who had never even thought of getting to know your language before, holding up a light and singing as if they understand what's happening in the song. It's really fascinating.

-----

We watched Joker Out at the biggest performance of their lives and caught their feelings backstage immediately after the show.

Bojan Cvjetićanin: "I imagined that I'd be feeling a lot in the time after the concert, but honestly, I don’t have a single feeling right now. (laughter) I honestly don't know what's going on." (smile)

Jan Peteh: "I feel as if I've been climbing a hill for a year and now I've come down."

Jure Maček: "I feel like we're going on a tour of these kinds of venues."

Nace Jordan: "No feelings, my head's empty." (laughter)

Kris Guštin: "I've got a feeling we're going to enjoy these next three weeks, as we're going on holiday."

(This blurb is from their post-Stožice press conference; you can watch a part of it with English subs on our channel here: Joker Out First Impressions After Stožice Concert)

[compassionatereminders]

Why do you think women pressure other women into having kids so much?

Never in my life a man who barely knew me told me OOOOH YOU GONNA REGRET NOT HAVING KIDS, YOU WILL DIE ALONE, YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE KIDS YET (i'm 27)

And I'm like wtf.

So I work in a store and I had to "teach" how to work my station. We are a huge super market in in our super market people only have training here for 3 weeks before they get sent to their stores where they will work.

So I have older women and younger women who I "train" (and my coworkers too, basically anyone who is around "trains them by showing stuff and such since most of people who train here never worked in a grocery store)

This year since January probably over 30 people was "training" here. Most of them were women and I am not kidding at least 20 of them start asking about private things like DO YOU HAVE A FAMILY right away.

I would love to just say IT'S PERSONAL WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS WE MET LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO FOR THE FIRST TIME. But I don't want to be a bitch and I answer with short answers "no". I would love to say OFC I HAVE A FAMILY I AM NOT AN ORPHAN. I HAVE MOM, DAD AND MY BROTHER. but that would be bitchy too. But I would love to say it lol.

The next question is WHY? WHY NOT? and YOU STILL HAVE TIME I HAD MY 2ND ONE WHEN I WAS 33. Etc.

And then they talk to me how great kids are which like ok you can talk how much you like kids I don't mind but this woman was literally AND YOU STILL DON'T WANT THEM AND THEY ARE SO GREAT.

Not every woman is that annoying like this one but all give me the same questions as I mentioned "why? Why not? You still have time?"

I don't think this is a normal question but it's very normalized question women about kids and family after a few minutes or after a few hours of meeting for the first time.

Do they ever think that some women can't get pregnant or they had a miscarriages and it's a touchy subject for them? What if their bf, husband can't have kids? You won't go around telling that to everyone. They just interrogate other women like they are a police officer.

Not to mention one of the women (she was training here in February) gave me the biggest death stare when she was asking me when I'm planning to have kids and because I was so annoyed I raised my voice and said NEVER the only kids I'm planning on having ARE ANIMAL KIDS, BABY CATS, BABY DOGS! after that she was just giving me death stares.

Women my age in mid 20's are the same and they have been telling me I will change my mind since I was 14.

Like imagine me go preaching around like them ADOPT YOUR KIDS ABORT YOUR KIDS (which i would NEVER DO) but imagine us who don't want kids would do that we would look insane yet those who do have kids are seen as normal when they ask about such things.

Sorry for a longer rant but i'm just so pissed off and women that i work with (my own coworkers) don't find such women annoying and they think i overreact when i think that such behavior is annoying.

People have been telling me I look 19-20 and it's even weirder that they ask me such stuff before they even ask my age. One woman said (she was in her late 30's) OH I THOUGHT YOU HAVE MORE TIME (when i told her my age because she thought i was 19) YOU WILL HAVE TO HURRY UP... like who says this???

I hate when people act like there's One Right Way To Live, and that everyone who isn't pursuing the same life as them must be in the wrong and needs to change their path. There's nothing wrong with wanting a family, but there are so many other dreams to pursue which can be equally important and valid. What makes person A happy isn't necessarily the right path for person B

[gaviicreates]

Why I'm starting my 2024 "temperature" blanket early...

I like October.

That could be the most basic of answers, and I definitely could leave it there. But that would not accurately explain the heart behind the year long project I'm about to start. So buckle in, if you like. Or don't; you do you.

I've known for awhile that I wanted to do a variation on a temperature blanket for 2024. The last time I did a temperature blanket was in 2017 - and it was my first! I knew for my next one, I wanted it to be a project to honor a special year. 2024 was planned since I got married in 2019. This is all probably starting to make more sense now.

So yes, I got married in October - for the sake of not putting too much of my information online I won't share the exact day, but it is mid October. And 2024 will be our 5 year anniversary. I debated working the project from January to December for the whole year, but I changed my mind to running it from Anniversary to Anniversary.

There's a couple advantages to that:

For one, I selected Toni Lipsey's linen square stitch pattern (it's also the one she is doing this year), and I worried that in effort to try to stay up to date, I'd end up cramming the largest sections in at the end of the month. Running the months from mid-to-mid, I've inherently made it more loose and forgiving of the deadlines. It's normal to get a bit behind and need to catch up, but it'll hopefully help me to not have looming end of month deadlines constantly.

The pattern

The second advantage is that I'll have a new blanket by the end of 2024! With October as a final goal, I'll have two months to catch up if I need to, make a border if I so desire, and sew the squares together. There's a lot of grace in that timeline, and I'd love to have a special afghan to gift my partner on Christmas or New Years. I mean he'll see it in progress, that's inevitable, but the finished object in its final presentation? That's so special. Right in time for cuddling up by the fire too since we are in the Northern Hemisphere.

Oh, I am also not exactly doing a temperature blanket either. I've set up daily reminders for myself to look at the sky, and I plan to use the alert not to check online for a number. I want to connect with our Earth and create a special moment each day to admire the planet we call home. My color palette is to be based on the weather and color of the sky each day - whatever the overall vibe feels like since of course it can change from hour to hour. From sunny to cloudy to rainy, and in between, the final piece will be a blend of blues and greys. Because I do, in fact, love the colors of the sky.

The yarn

It's a much smaller color palette than the first time I tried one of these, so my hope is that each of the shades will have a decent spread - certainly not equal to each other, but definitely not lost among the others. I'm adoring the greys. 😍

It's Stylecraft Special DK. I looked around out a few other acrylics and some wool and cotton blends, but ultimately it came down to care instructions and spread of colors. I most especially wanted the blanket to be easy care. We have three dogs so washing and drying were preferable in this case. I also really wanted to use a Sock-DK weight yarn so I didn't end up with a blanket the size of a house.

I did however take a gamble, buying this yarn without trying it first. I've only heard good things, which is promising. And I've received my initial shipping notification, so I am super excited for the skeins to arrive!

I've shared my color scheme above. Each square is going to be 32 rows, and at the end I will have 12 squares for that final assembly part of the project.

Project Tag is going to be #SkyBlanket2024 for any updates along the way.

I'm VERY excited for this one.

[omegaremix]

April 3, 2022.

It takes a good two months before a year starts to pick up for me. The first big win was in the final frigid day of February when I decided to take the train to Greenpoint’s Academy Annex for some records; the first stop of what would be an amazing record-store victory tour. Then arrived March. I drove four miles to the shopping mall to look for leather jackets when I discovered a new retro- video arcade opened up. Within a few days I walk in and spent the entire day re-living my Atari / Nintendo / SNES youth. Those eight hours were a thoroughly exhaustive one. I saw games which I threw many rolls of quarters into, to others I only read about and fantasized even seeing up until then. The original Super Mario Bros. cabinet, The Neo Geo MVS, Outrun, R-Type, Taito’s Superman, Atari’s Star Wars. Most of every great moment of my youth spent in delis, card stores, ice cream parlors, long-gone restaurants, and amusement parks were now all in one room.

Good thing I went because my all-time favorite ginger April* made a rare appearance in my store and I had to tell her about it. She came in to buy some A/V components like she always does and we spent a good ten minutes catching up on everything. April was a fangirl and a hardcore gamer of all formats so I had to share the wealth of news with her. Too late. She already went. Still, every visit from her counted as she was the cutest thing of pale skin, glasses, and Irish ancestry I ever seen.

I had another holiday spent with my Coney Island family. My aunt invited me to her daughter’s house in East Meadow for Easter where they, her aggressive right-wing country-music loving Trump supporter sons, her sister, and all the offspring you could think of would be there. A great four hours were had coloring eggs, watching Disney’s Encanto on the big screen, and an endless feast of Italian food were laid out for all to gorge ourselves to death. Blessings were counted and they were enough to cash them in for a bright sunny Sunday. I also enjoyed the hour-long drive from East Meadow through Rt. 27 all the way home.

In between all this was a major event I was chasing for a while. It would be nice to attend a Boy Harsher show and they’ve been making the rounds in New York City quite often. I jumped at the opportunity to purchase tickets after their Halloween show and ultimately got them - only for January show to be postponed. Blame the COVID- omicron for it. But Jae & Augustus pushed it back to April and this time nothing was stopping them from performing nor anyone attending The Music Hall Of Williamsburg.

I learned that it was a two-hour ride each way from my line to Penn Station and back due to transfers at the Jamaica Station. Not good as I had to work a 10AM shift. This time, I opted to drive out to the Babylon stop for a direct line to Manhattan and back for fifty-five minutes each. I went up the stairs and waited only a few minutes before the train arrived on an elevated platform. Nothing special about the train ride on a cloudy mid-50* weather. The show, however, was a whole other story. Everyone enjoyed the opener Twin Tribes and the headlining Boy Harsher hands-down to great fanfare. I couldn’t have waited in line to get some merch- as, once again, someone had to ride home for tomorrow’s payday.

I reversed the path from The Music Hall- by taking the L and ½/3 line back to Penn Station. It just so happened that I missed my train home by three minutes and it cost me an hour more before the next one came in. As I mentioned before, no transfers. Just a direct line from Penn Station back to Babylon where the double-decker cars awaited us. A nice surprise for me sitting in the seats above to contemplate my next major win: Sacred Bones’ 15th anniversary show. It could only get better.

Fifteen years ago from this month, a new concept was born. I purchased a 30GB iPod Classic through a ‘friend’ of mine at WUSB. Since then, I loaded all of my music into it and took it through many train rides. The iPod Classic has retired in favor of my iPhone SE. What once became a distraction has now been an auditioning process for future Omega WUSB shows and seasonal personal playlists. Nothing is off limits. Noise, backpacker, jazz, fusion, shoegaze, noise rock, post-punk, electronics, hardcore - everything. Everything I discover gets played in hopes of either being featured or forever a part of me. With a near endless plethora of outlets, mutuals, and other ways of obtaining music, there’s almost never a moment of silence outside of work or sleep.

Congotronics International: “Where’s The One”

MoE: “Beautiful Stranger”

Silent Servant: “Slasher”

Doc Hammer: “Commanche Crew Cut”

Visit0r: “God Of All Flesh”

People’s Choice, The: “Here We Go Again”

Ride: “1,000 Miles”

Thurston Moore: “The Station”

Sunrot: 21%

Joucous: “Rivers Pt. 1”

Exek: “ID’ed”

Legss: “Hyde Park Coroner”

Alice Glass: “Suffer And Swallow”

Totally Unicorn: “Daddy’s Stabby Surprise”

Aeges: “Who Are You”

Benny The Butcher & J. Cole: “Johnny P.’s Caddy”

Maneskin: “Moriro Da Re” 

Broken Vow: “Expiation”

Exek: “(I’m After) Your Best Interest”

Smash Your Enemies: “Faithless”

Death Strider: “Cardinal Sin”

Letting Up Despite Great Faults: “Gemini”

Dead Leaf Echo: “Milk.Blue.Kisses (Foil In Motion)”

Offset: Spectacles, The: “Stomp”

Caparezza: “Eyes Wide Shut”

[elsanna-shenanigans]

December 2023/January 2024 Contest Submission #9: a pinch of salt

Words: ca. 5,000 Setting: modern AU Lemon: no CW: none

With a low grunt, Elsa lifted the bag of flour to spill into the industrial mixer. Holding her breath and turning her head away while a puff of flour wafted out of the steal bowl. She didn’t need to measure, the cupcakes she was making required the entire bag and if it was a little off, no one ever seemed to notice. This wasn’t Paris anymore after all.

It was a big shift from quantity over quality. She still did her best on the more specialty confections, the ones in smaller batches. But with these cupcakes, she simply couldn’t, they were made and bought in mass.

“Good morning sweetie,” Elsa’s mother said, pushing open the back door with her shoulder. Letting in both the sounds and smells of the city. It closed with a soft thud and the noise in the back room was once again just the hum of the equipment. “I got you a latte.”

“Mom, we can make lattes here.” Elsa sighed, crumbling the empty bag and brushing off her apron.

“Yes, but that little shop on the corner has the egg sandwiches your father loves. And I just want him to be happy, he’s really struggling.” Iduna dipped her head and placed a small paper bag and a coffee cup on the counter near Elsa. 

“I know.”

“I got you some food too, I can’t just go in there and buy one sandwich, that would be weird.” Iduna laughed, it sounded a little forced but Elsa chose to ignore it.

“Well, you can, but thank you I didn’t have time to make anything.”

“Hmm, I figured and you can drink this coffee now while I get our machine set up.”

“Thank you, Mom.” Elsa opened the paper bag and took out the egg sandwich. her mom smiled and disappeared through another door that led to the upstairs. She glanced over at the mixer, debating for a moment before she leaned back and ate. Better to eat it while it’s hot, the cupcakes could wait a few minutes.

***

“And that wraps up today’s cafe adventure, make sure to leave a comment with your suggestion for my next cafe. Thanks for watching!” Anna smiled and held of the peace sign, counting to three in my head before she flipped the phone around and stopped the recording.

She took a sip of her drink and looked around the busy cafe, glad that she had long since grown out of being embarrassed of filming herself in public. Truly no one really cared, specially in cafes where folks were in and out with a snack and drink or deeply buried in their work of choice — hunched over laptops. 

Anna pulled out her own laptop, a few minutes later she was deep in editing mode, headphones on, computer glasses askew. A little notepad sat next to her where her marked notes for a voice voice she would record later.

The cafe thinned out around her, settling into the mid-afternoon calm before the teenagers and after-workers descended in masses. This was Anna’s favorite time at any cafe when she could really look around and enjoy the decor and little unique touches. This place was rather ordinary. Anna found herself stretching to come up with some positive things to say.

“Miss, we have two hour limit unless you buy something.” A tired looking barista said.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’ll just pack up and get out of your hair.” Anna smiled and the barista just sighed and nodded, drifting off to another table. Anna debated buying something on her way out as an apology, but the only non-drink items were some basic-looking chocolate chip cookies. She shoved her laptop in her backpack and shouldered.

“One cookie please,”

“Sure,” the person behind the counter said, scooping the cookie into a paper bag and handing it over in one smooth action.

Outside the cafe, the early evening was just starting to kiss the city, long shadows and slow traffic. She started walking, no destination, just to wonder till it got dark and then she would navigate the subway system home from wherever she ended up.

She passed a homeless man, sitting on a small blanket with his back leaned against a wall. People passed without paying him much mind. Anna approached and he eyed her but made no other moves.

“Here, I just bought it,” Anna said, offering him the cookie.

A weather-worn hand reached out and grabbed the bag, “Thank you, young lady.” He said offering a smile.

Anna returned it before continuing, hopefully the cookie would brighten his day a bit.

“Jimmy get the door.” A woman shouted once Anna rounded a corner. Only Anna didn’t see a woman, she only saw a stack of purple boxes wobbling towards a waiting town car and a panicked-looking young boy who was opening the door while his eyes, wide and frightened, stared at the stack of purple.

Anna held her breath but the woman was able to safely get the boxes into the back seat and she breathed out a sigh of relief at the same time as the boy. The pair of strangers disappeared into the car and it pulled away into traffic. She glanced at where the woman had come from and was surprised to find a combo cafe and bakery.

She pulled out her phone and googled the location. ‘Fjord Flavors Bakery’ popped up on maps but lacked a website or any social media. Anna’s interest spiked, this could be the hidden gem she’s been looking for for her web series.

She walked up to the door at the same time someone did from the other side of the glass. A woman. Tall and blonde, stood inside the shop. She looked at Anna for a moment as if waiting for something before she reached up and flipped the sign on the door to closed. She pointed with a long finger to a faded paper sign with hours before turning her back and walked away.

Anna was left speechless and intrigued, she needed to know more. She attempted to look through the windows at the bakery counter but the lights were flipped off and Anna was left staring at her own reflection.

***

Elsa pushed through the door to the back and hung up her apron. It was quiet now in the back room save for a faint hum from the walk-in fridge.

“Hi sweetie,” Iduna said, opening to door to the apartment upstairs. “I scrubbed the floors and wiped everything down already. You just need to take the trash out.”

“Thanks Mom,” Elsa said, rolling her sleeves up. “What did you want for dinner?”

“Oh, your father really wants Chinese takeout if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, that will work,” Elsa said with a sigh. “I’ll just get my usual. I’ll be up after this.”

“Alright sweetheart, I’ll call Wok The Block.” Her mother disappeared through the door. Elsa took the trash out, wrinkling her nose at the smell and pretending not to see the rats scurrying away from the shared dumpster.

She looked up at the glowing window of the second floor where she shared an apartment with her parents. This wasn’t where she had imagined herself being but life is weird like that.

“Hey dad,” Elsa said as she finally walked into the apartment. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m doing great honey, I think I can come downstairs and help tomorrow.” Her father replied, his voice raspy.

“That’s great dad.” Elsa forced a small smile, it was the same every day. But he was never well enough the next day. She often flipped between annoyed and missing the man her father used to be before he got sick, before Elsa came back home to help.

  ***

Anna held up a hand to shield her eyes from the early morning bright sun, well early for her anyway. She was making her way back to Fjord Flavors Bakery, she needed to scope it out and make sure they were okay with her filming a vlog in there. Most places had no issue but she always asked anyway.

The bakery was fairly busy with sleepy patrons and frantic-looking folks of intern age. It smelled like a lovely mix of coffee and fresh bread with a hint of sweetness. There were stacks of purple boxes in various sizes on nearly every counter behind the register and the sparking large glass case showcased everything from chocolate moose cake to simple bagels.

Anna was captivated, her eyes darting around the small shop, bouncing from various things in the glass display case to the handwritten menu board. She didn’t notice she was next in line till a warm voice cut through her thoughts.

“What can I get you this morning?”

Anna blinked and chewed on her lip. “Um, a vanilla latte and a—“ She looked over at the case, noticing the blonde woman from last night for the first time. She had a baseball hat pulled down low on her face, hiding most of it in shadow as she moved with an almost floating grace, putting goods in boxes or bags.

“Sweetheart?” The woman at the register asked again. She was older but looked much like the blonde woman, at least from what Anna remembered from the few seconds she saw her on the other side of the glass.

“A chocolate muffin please.”

“Good choice, you can tap your card when you’re ready.”  She didn’t wait for Anna to finish paying before turning around to begin working on Anna’s latte.

As Anna waited for her latte and chocolate muffin, she couldn’t shake the feeling of anticipation that fluttered in her chest. The bustling atmosphere of Fjord Flavors Bakery seemed to envelop her. She pulled out her phone on instinct, realizing at that moment that she forgot to ask about filming, too distracted with the baked goods. And, if she was honest, the younger of the two women behind the counter. Something about her just captivated Anna.

Lost in her thoughts, Anna’s eyes inadvertently met those of the mysterious blonde woman. A brief moment passed between them, a flicker of recognition that left Anna both intrigued and slightly unnerved. The woman’s gaze was penetrating, as if she could see through Anna entirely.

The older woman at the register, likely the mother of the intriguing figure behind the counter, smiled at Anna, snapping her out of the momentary trance. “Sweetheart, your card didn’t go through.”

Anna fumbled for her wallet and tapped her card again, grateful for the distraction. Once the reader beeped the older woman nodded her head and handed over her latte and muffin — enclosed in a little purple bag. Anna stepped away from the counter and took a sip of her latte before turning on one heal — committing before she could change her mind, and approached the younger woman who was still engrossed in her work.

“Hi,” Anna began, her voice carrying a hint of nervousness. “I was here last night, and I’m Anna, and I’m a food blogger. I was wondering if it’s okay for me to film a vlog here. Your bakery is so charming, and I’d love to share it with my audience.”

The blonde woman, her eyes still concealed beneath the shadow of the hat, looked up from her task. There was a pause, a moment of silence that stretched, leaving Anna wondering if she had overstepped a boundary.

But then, to Anna’s surprise, a small smile tugged at the corners of the woman’s lips. “Sure, you can film. Just try not to get in the way too much. We’ve got a busy morning ahead.”

Anna beamed with gratitude, her excitement bubbling over. “Thank you so much! I promise I’ll be quiet as a mouse. Your bakery is truly special, and I want to capture its magic.”

The woman’s smile vanished. “Can you not put my face in your video? You can film my mom, Iduna, she loves attention.”

“Yeah of course, no problem-o uh… I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”

“Because I didn’t give it, I usually don’t, but maybe I’ll tell you.” The blonde shrugged and turned around to busy herself with some other task, effectively ending the conversion.

Anna retreated to a corner, setting up her camera and adjusting the frame. The bakery’s ambiance, the hum of activity, and the tantalizing aroma of fresh pastries served as the backdrop for her vlog.

As Anna began recording, she couldn’t help stealing glances at the blonde woman, who continued working with a quiet intensity. The exchange between them felt charged with unspoken intrigue, a dance of curiosity and captivation.

***

Elsa continued her meticulous work behind the counter, arranging pastries with practiced precision. The rhythmic hum of the bakery machinery and the murmur of customers created a familiar symphony around her. She was engrossed in the delicate dance of crafting confections, her mind focused on the artistry of each creation.

The arrival of this new customer, Anna, occupied Elsa’s thoughts. She had observed the woman from beneath the shadow of her hat, curious about the stranger who had locked eyes with her the night before. Elsa’s eyes, sharp and discerning, followed Anna’s movements as she fumbled for her wallet and paid for her order.

Her mother, ever knowing glanced her way and gave her daughter a smirk. Elsa could swear that woman was some kind of mind-reading witch sometimes.

When the woman turned away from the counter, Elsa felt her heart sink a little only to have it completely flip over and she couldn’t help but feel a flutter of anticipation as she approached. There was something about this food blogger, Anna, that piqued her curiosity, a blend of charm and nervous energy that resonated with the essence of the baking itself.

Anna’s voice, smooth and kind sounding, reached Elsa’s ears and rang through them like a gentle song. The request to film a vlog seemed to echo through the busy bakery, and Elsa found herself torn between the desire to share Fjord Flavors’ story and the instinctive need to guard her own privacy.

The moment of silence that followed stretched, and Elsa locked eyes with Anna. The intensity of the gaze exchanged between them held a silent understanding, a recognition of the delicate balance they were navigating. When Anna’s request was met with a small smile, Elsa allowed a fraction of relief to wash over her.

“Sure, you can film. Just try not to get in the way too much. We’ve got a busy morning ahead,” Elsa replied, her tone measured. The decision to allow the filming was not without hesitation, but she couldn’t deny the bakery’s newfound visibility had its benefits. They needed more customers, they were barely breaking even as it was.

Anna’s gratitude beamed like a ray of sunshine, but Elsa’s smile faltered when the request about her face being excluded from the video surfaced. The vulnerability beneath the confident exterior became apparent. “Can you not put my face in your video? You can film my mom, Iduna; she loves attention,” Elsa stated, her voice carrying a mix of firmness and vulnerability.

“Yeah, of course, no problem-o, uh… I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name,” Anna responded, her enthusiasm tempered by the subtle shift in the conversation.

“Because I didn’t give it. I usually don’t, but maybe I’ll tell you,” Elsa said with a shrug, turning her attention back to her tasks. The brief exchange left an air of mystery hanging between them, an unspoken understanding that some stories were meant to be guarded.

As Anna retreated to a corner to set up her camera, Elsa returned to her craft, the dance of creation resuming amidst the inviting aroma of freshly baked pastries. The bakery’s ambiance, now subtly altered by the presence of a camera, continued to weave its magic, leaving Elsa to navigate the intricate dance between visibility and the sanctuary of the shadows.

****

Anna’s vlog unfolded seamlessly, capturing the essence of Fjord Flavors Bakery with a blend of charm and authenticity. Anna highlighted the meticulous craftsmanship behind each pastry, the warm interactions between staff and customers, and the unique charm that set the bakery apart.

The mysterious blonde woman, now a central figure in Anna’s narrative, moved gracefully through the frames, her hands expertly crafting delicate pastries. Anna didn’t realize until she was editing how much footage she got of the woman. That was not like her to make that much B-Roll.

The vlog, however, resonated with Anna’s audience, who eagerly embraced the enchanting story of Fjord Flavors. Within a few hours, it was already set to be one of her top posts. This was truly the hidden gem she had been looking for — she couldn’t wait to get back and film more.

As the week unfolded, the bakery continued to buzz with activity. The patrons, now aware of the filming, exchanged smiles with Anna. The atmosphere was charged with a sense of community, a shared appreciation for the hidden gem that had captured their hearts.

As Anna packed up her equipment, a few days later the older woman approached her, her eyes reflecting a mix of warmth and curiosity. “You’ve got a way of capturing the soul of a place,” she said. “We’re glad to have you share our story.”

Anna smiled, touched by the genuine sentiment. “It’s a special place, and your daughter… she’s something else. There’s a magic about her.”

The older woman’s eyes twinkled knowingly. “Elsa has always had a touch of magic. It’s what makes Fjord Flavors what it is. Don’t tell her father I said that though, he built the place.”

“Elsa,” Anna repeated, tasting the letters for the first time.

“Hmm, I don’t think I was supposed to tell you her name. Silly old me.” Iduna said, failing to hide a smirk. She turned and walked away before Anna could reply, disappearing into the back room.

“Elsa.” Anna repeated to herself as she glanced over to the counter again where Elsa herself was polishing the top of the glass case. Her hat pulled down so low that Anna could only see the very edge of her chin.

***

Elsa wiped her hands on her apron, the remnants of flour clinging to the fabric. The bustling activity of the bakery had quieted as closing time approached. Iduna, joined her behind the counter, offering a weary but affectionate smile.

“Another day is done,” Iduna remarked, her eyes reflecting a mix of exhaustion and resilience.

Elsa nodded, the weight of responsibility settling on her shoulders. “Let’s clean up and head upstairs. Dad’s probably waiting.”

Together, they moved with a practiced efficiency, tidying up the bakery with a shared understanding of the routine. The aroma of the day’s creations lingered in the air, a comforting scent that masked the underlying concerns both women carried.

Once the last tray was stored, Elsa locked the front door. They ascended the narrow staircase that led to the second floor. As they entered the apartment, the atmosphere shifted from the warmth of the bakery to a more intimate, subdued setting. The living room was adorned with family photos and traces of the life they had built together. Soft light illuminated the room, casting a gentle glow.

Elsa’s father was in his favorite chair, a worn blanket draped over his frail shoulders. His eyes, once vibrant, now held a weariness that spoke of battles fought within. Despite his illness, a flicker of a smile appeared and he sat up straighter as he saw Elsa and Iduna enter.

“Hey, Dad,” Elsa greeted, her voice carrying a mix of tenderness and concern. It had been months now and he hadn’t shown any progress. “How was your day?”

He coughed softly, a reminder of the fragility that had settled in and Elsa was painfully reminded that they couldn’t afford the medicine that could help him. “Same as always, sweetheart. You girls working too hard down there?”

Iduna leaned down to kiss his forehead. “You know us, always keeping things running.”

Elsa fetched a glass of water from the kitchen, handing it to her father. As he took a sip, his eyes met Elsa’s, and an unspoken understanding passed between them. The weight of their shared reality hung in the air.

“I’ll start dinner,” Iduna suggested, attempting to infuse the moment with normalcy.

Elsa remained by her father’s side, her hand gently resting on his. “You doing okay, Dad?”

He sighed, his gaze distant. “Just tired, sweetheart. But seeing you and your mother’s faces at the end of the day makes it all worthwhile. Your mother tells me the bakery has been a video-er the last few days.”

“Yes, we’re not paying her but it seems to be helping business.”

“I heard she’s really sweet and pretty and your mother told me I have to tell you to talk to her.” A familiar twinkle danced across her father’s eyes.

“I’ll try Dad.” Elsa replied, not sure how much she believed her own words.

Her father smiled and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. Elsa squeezed his hand, a mixture of love and sorrow coursing through her. The trio settled into the familiar routine of an evening together, finding solace in the shared moments that transcended the challenges they faced.

As the evening unfolded, the soft hum of family echoed through the apartment—a fragile melody that held within it the strength of love, resilience, and the unwavering bond that anchored them in the face of life’s uncertainties.

***

The following week unfolded with a rhythm of anticipation as Anna returned to Fjord Flavors Bakery. The atmosphere had shifted subtly as if the bakery itself recognized the growing curiosity that surrounded it.

Elsa, the elusive figure behind the counter, continued her work with a quiet determination. Her hat pulled low, veiled her expression, leaving Anna to wonder about the stories concealed beneath the surface. The name “Elsa” echoed in Anna’s mind like a secret she was on the verge of unraveling.

As Anna set up her camera for another day of filming, she couldn’t help but feel a magnetic pull toward the enigmatic blonde woman. It was a dance of curiosity and respect, a delicate balance that Anna had grown accustomed to navigating.

The day unfolded with the familiar symphony of Fjord Flavors—the hum of machinery, the aroma of fresh pastries, and the chatter of contented patrons. Anna’s lens captured the intricate details of the bakery, from the artful arrangement of desserts to the interactions between staff and customers.

While filming, Elsa’s hands worked their magic with practiced finesse. The vlog became a canvas, each frame painted with the passion and dedication that Elsa poured into her creations. Anna couldn’t deny the magnetic allure that Elsa exuded, and her camera seemed drawn to the mysterious pastry chef.

As the day wound down and Anna packed up her equipment, Iduna approached once more, her eyes twinkling with a knowing gleam. “You’ve been capturing the essence of Fjord Flavors beautifully, dear. My daughter may be a bit of a mystery, I’m afraid. There’s a reason I suppose, but I think she needs someone to talk to.”

Anna nodded, grateful for the hospitality she had received. “Thank you,” she paused before continuing, weighing her words. “Do you think I’m the person to talk to her? I’m just a vlogger, I can’t say I’m really friends with Elsa.”

Iduna chuckled softly. “Well, dear, I watch your vlogs and I know my daughter,” She looked directly into Anna’s eyes, her expression hard to read. “Sure, sometimes the best stories are the ones left untold. But I have a feeling Elsa might be willing to share a bit more, given the right nudge.” She winked and walked away.

Encouraged by Iduna’s words, Anna glanced over at Elsa, who was now meticulously arranging a display of delicate pastries. The hat cast a shadow over her features. Anna swallowed, she wanted nothing more than to have a meaningful conversation with Elsa. Even with her face covered, the woman drew Anna in like a moth to a flame.

Approaching Elsa with a newfound resolve, Anna couldn’t suppress the curiosity that fueled her, if Elsa was a cliff, she willingly jumped over the edge.

“Elsa?” Anna began.

Elsa jumped and visibly tensed, forcing Anna to fall silent. She turned slowly, cold blue eyes locking with Anna’s. There was fear there, a panic that stirred under the surface. And Anna wanted nothing more than to reach out and calm the storm.

“Elsa?” Anna tried again and was met with a scowl as Elsa rushed forward and placed a hand over her mouth.

“How did you learn my name?” Elsa demanded in a hushed whisper. Anna was distracted by how close their bodies were, never mind the strong hand over her mouth. With Elsa this close she could really see her face and the delicate features, the sharp cheekbones, the soft lips. She was beautiful.

She looked familiar…

Someone cleared their throat on the other side of the bakery and Elsa stepped back, letting her hand fall but her eyes never left Anna.

“Come into the back, we need to talk.”

“Aye aye, Captain,” Anna mumbled, she ran over to her bag and scooped up her belongings before following Elsa behind the counter and through the door into the back room.

***

The back room offered a small reprieve from the prying eyes in the bakery. Elsa closed the door behind them, the muffled sounds of the bakery now distant. She turned to face Anna, the air between them charged with unspoken tension.

Anna broke the silence first. “Okay, spill. Why the secrecy, Elsa? Which, by the way, your mom told me, alright?”

Elsa sighed, feeling the weight of the years of hiding settle on her shoulders. “I’m sorry I touched you without asking, it just caught me off guard and I got scared.” She took off her hat and ran a hand through her hair, letting her bangs fall. “As for the name thing… well, that’s on me. I should’ve been more careful I guess. But the secrecy, it’s a long story.”

Anna grinned, and Elsa could sense her eagerness and curiosity. “Long stories are my specialty. Lay it on me.”

Elsa motioned for Anna to sit at a small well-worn table in the corner. The old chair creaked as she sat down and gathered her thoughts, her gaze fixed on the floor. She was so tired of hiding, but so scared of being open. Yet this weird nerdy girl with a camera that kept coming back day after day had worn down a wall. And Elsa felt this urge to open up to her. Anna felt safe, and she liked that feeling.

With a sigh, she decided to just open the floodgates and see what happened. “I used to be a TV chef, you know? A pretty famous one, actually,” Elsa began, the memories stirring a mix of nostalgia and regret. “I had my own cooking show, traveled the world, won awards. It was everything I thought I wanted.”

Anna’s eyes widened with genuine surprise. “You were a TV chef? Seriously? That’s amazing! That’s why you look so familiar, I used to watch your shows. I was so upset you lost Iron Chef, that judge was stupid. Why’d you stop?”

Elsa sighed again, the weight of the past pressing upon her. “It’s a glamorous life, but it comes at a cost. The constant scrutiny, the pressure to maintain an image. I felt like I was losing myself. And then my dad got sick. So, one day, I decided to step away. I came back here, to my family’s bakery.”

Anna’s excitement tempered with understanding. “But why the secrecy? You could’ve been a sensation, Elsa! People would love to know the famous TV chef behind Fjord Flavors.”

Elsa’s eyes met Anna’s, revealing a vulnerability that went beyond the façade she had carefully crafted. “I don’t want the fame, Anna. I found solace here, away from the spotlight. I wanted to be able to focus on my dad and help him, and I did till my money ran out.” She picked at a piece of dried flour on her apron. I didn’t want people to see the TV chef; I didn’t want the food critics coming here and tearing this place apart just because I was famous. I just wanted them to enjoy the pastries.”

Anna nodded, absorbing the sincerity in Elsa’s words. “You’re not just hiding from the world; you’re hiding from your past. From who you used to be.”

Elsa simply nodded.

Anna’s gaze softened “You know, Elsa, I get it. Fame isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. But your story, it’s captivating. People would understand.”

Elsa offered a small, appreciative smile and stood up. “Wait here.” She ran up the stairs into the apartment, pausing to check on her father who was softly snoring away. After grabbing the box she was looking for she ran back downstairs to find Anna looking around at the various machines.

“Look, I don’t know if this is the right thing or not, but if anyone was going to break the news that Chef Elsa has been here in this little bakery, I want it to be you.” Elsa held out the box to Anna who took it with a confused look.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a bunch of my old TV stuff, tapes, and photos, things you can use in your video. Everything in that box is all yours, consider it a gift.”

“No Elsa, I can’t take this,” Anna said, handing the box back. “You kept your privacy for so long, why now suddenly?”

“Because maybe you’re right. I thought people would judge me. But as you pointed out, people would understand. And I’m selfish for not using my fame to help my dad. So here we are.”

“Okay, but I have a better idea than I box of the past.” Anna bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling.  “Two things, first, let’s let up an interview and I’ll film it. Second, let’s go on a date, get dressed up, have some drinks, and just talk about whatever.”

A warm feeling bubbled up inside Elsa and she couldn’t help but smile. “You mean that?”

“Well yeah, I have my camera stuff with me.”

“No, about the date?”

Anna’s face turned bright red. “Oh I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have overstepped, I just thought that uh… I’m sorry.”

“Hush, I would love to go on a date with you. I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”

[ghostflowerdreams]

While working on this post about California in 1987, I realized that the Lost Boys wouldn't stay at the boardwalk and in their cave all the time. They've probably visited other places like nightclubs, concerts and interesting events. They would definitely have to keep in mind how long it takes to get there though.

For example I can’t picture them driving all the way to Anaheim for a Iron Maiden, Scorpions, Foreigner and Loverboy concert (and yes, there actually was one on July 17, 1982 with them all). If they went it would’ve taken them about six hours just to get there, and that's if they don't get lost or stuck in traffic.

Another thing to keep in mind is that some concerts start at 7:00pm and others at 8:00pm. Depending on when it happens, such as in the summer there's also gonna be more daylight hours. According to this, the sunset on July 17, 1982 was at 8:26pm and sunrise was at 6:02am. With it taking about six hours to get there, they'd end up missing most of the show. They also wouldn't be able to make it back home in time either.

They could get a room and cover the windows, but usually with huge events like this, a lot of motels and hotels in the area get fully booked in advance. I don't think they would risk it, at least, not for events that are far away from Santa Carla.

So...this brings me to the purpose of this post. I want to make a extensive list of nearby concerts and events that they might've gone to. Ya know, before the Emerson family arrived or even before Star and Laddie joined them. I think it'd be fun to know and maybe one day I might write a story about them at a concert or something.

To start off I need an accurate time frame. In the novelization we learn that the events of The Lost Boys film takes place on the last month of summer, July, which is about 2-3 weeks before school starts. This is hinted at in a conversation Michael had with Lucy.

“Mom,” Michael began. “I think I’d like to get a job.” His mother looked up from the sink, a question in her eyes. She didn't ask it. "School's only a few weeks away", she mentioned.

In general, most public schools in California start the school year in mid to late August or early September. If we’re sticking to Santa Cruz as the basis for Santa Carla, that would mean the first day of school is in August. This is why my list starts with January 1, 1980 and ends at July 10, 1987.

Timeline

On January 13, 1980, the American rock band The Grateful Dead, along with Joan Baez, The Beach Boys, Jefferson Starship and Santana, performed at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $7.50 in advance / $9.00 at the door. Hours: 7:00pm

On March 6, 1980, the American rock band, Eagles and American singer-songwriter Roy Orbison performed at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $7.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On March 28, 1980, the American rock band, Journey and the British rock group, The Babys, performed at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On April 18 - 20, 1980, the English rock band, The Who performed at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $12.50 / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On May 9, 1980, Friday the 13th was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On May 21, 1980, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On May 23, 1980, The Shining was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 13 - 14, 1980, the British rock band, Queen, along with the American rock band, The Blasters, performed at Oakland Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $8.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On September 5, 1980, the Australian rock band AC/DC performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / $11.0 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On October 9 - 10, 1980, the American rock band, Van Halen performed at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On December 5, 1980, Flash Gordon was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On December 31, 1980, the American rock band, Blue Öyster Cult, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / $11.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On January 14, 1981, Scanners was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On February 11, 1981, My Bloody Valentine was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On February 21, 1981, the American rock band, Santana, performed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium, Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: $10.00 in advance / $11.50

On March 2 -3, 1981, the American rock band Styx performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $11.00 in advance / $13.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On April 15 - 16, 1981, the English rock band, Echo & the Bunnymen performed at The Old Waldorf in San Francisco, California. Ticket Price: $6.00 / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On April 25, 1981, the American rock band, The Grateful Dead performed at the Berkeley Community Theatre in Berkeley, California. Ticket Price: $6.50 in advance / $8.50 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On May 1, 1981, Friday the 13th Part 2 was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 12, 1981, Raider of the Lost Ark was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 5, 1981, the former lead singer of Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne and featured artist Motörhead performed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / $11.00 at the door. Time: Unknown

On August 21, 1981, An American Werewolf in London was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On October 29, 1981, the English rock band, Echo & the Bunnymen preformed at the Keystone in Palo Alto, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On October 30, 1981, the English rock band, Echo & the Bunnymen preformed at The Old Waldorf in San Francisco, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On October 30, 1981, Halloween II was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On November 30, 1981, the American rock band, Journey and Canadian rock band, Loverboy performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / $11.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On February 14-16, 1982, the Australian rock band, AC/DC performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $12.50 in advance / $14.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On May 21, 1982, The Road Warrior (Mad Max 2) was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On May 25, 1982, the rock supergroup Asia performed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: Unknown

On June 4, 1982, Star Trek II: The Wraith of Khan was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 11, 1982, E.T the Extra-Terrestrial was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 25, 1982, Blade Runner was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 25, 1982, The Thing was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 9, 1982, Tron was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On August 13, 1982, Fast Times at Ridgemont High was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On August 13, 1982, Friday the 13th Part III was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On September 18, 1982, the American band, Eddie and the Tide and the American rock band, Missing Person performed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On October 20, 1982, the British-American rock band, Fleetwood Mac at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $15.00 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On October 22, 1982, First Blood (also known as Rambo: First Blood) was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On October 22, 1982, Halloween III: Season of the Witch was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On November 19, 1982, the English heavy metal band, Judas Priest and the Canadian hard rock band, Coney Hatch, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $11.50 in advance / $13.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On January 7, 1983, the American rock band, Aerosmith and the Canadian rock guitarist and singer-songwriter, Pat Travers performed at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $11.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On March 16 - 20, 1983, the American rock band, Styx, performed at Berkeley Community Theatre in Berkeley, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On April 15, 1983, The Evil Dead was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On April 26, 1983, the English rock band, The Kinks and the American rock band, Scandal, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $11.50 in advance / $13.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On April 27, 1983, the punk rock band The Ramones performed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: $12.50 in advance / $14.00 at the door. Time: 8:00pm

On May 25, 1983, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On May 28, 1983, the American rock band, Jefferson Starship performed at the Marriott's Great America, which is an amusement park also known as California's Great America in Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On July 2, 1983, the English heavy metal band, Iron Maiden, the English heavy metal band, Saxon and British hard rock band, Fastway, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $12.50 in advance / $14.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On July 14, 1983, the rock singer Joan Jett performed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On September 4, 1983, the hard rock/heavy metal band, Y&T performed at the Marriott's Great America, which is an amusement park also known as California's Great America in Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On September 14, 1983, the American band, Eddie & the Tide performed at the Santa Cruz County Fairgrounds in Watsonville, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On September 15 - 16, 1983, the English rock band, Def Leppard performed at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On October 4, 1983, the American singer-songwriter, Stevie Nicks, and American guitarist and singer-songwriter, Joe Walsh, performed at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On October 19, 1983, the Australian rock band, AC/DC performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $13.50 in advance / $15.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On December 9, 1983, Scarface was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On November 18, 1983, A Christmas Story was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On December 31, 1983, the American heavy metal band, Dio, the American glam metal band, Dokken, and the American hard rock/heavy metal, Y&T performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On January 6, 1984, the American heavy metal band, Dio performed at Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium, Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: $9.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: Unknown

On January 29, 1984, the English rock band The Cult preformed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On February 1, 1984, the American rock band, KISS, the American heavy metal band, Riot V and the Dutch–American hard rock band, Vandenberg, all performed at the Berkeley Community Theatre in Berkeley, California. Ticket Price: $12.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 7:30pm

On March 9, 1984, Children of the Corn was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On April 13, 1984, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On April 29-30, 1984, the German hard rock band Scorpions and American rock band Bon Jovi performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $13.50 in advance / $15.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On May 9 - 11, 1984, the American rock band Van Halen performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $13.50 in advance / $15.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm [x]

On May 23, 1984, Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 8, 1984, Ghostbusters was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 8, 1984, Gremlins was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 22, 1984, the American heavy metal band Dio, along with the English hard rock band Whitesnake and various others performed at Santa Cruz County Fairgrounds, Watsonville, California. Ticket Price: $14.50 in advance / $16.00 at the door. Hours: 6:00pm [x]

On October 26, 1984, The Terminator was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On October 27 - 28, 1984, the American rock band, The Grateful Dead performed at the Berkeley Community Theatre in Berkeley, California. Ticket Price: $15.00 in advance / Unknown Hours: 7:30pm

On November 2 - 3, 1984, the American rock band, Grateful Dead, performed at the Berkeley Community Theatre in Berkeley, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On November 9, 1984, A Nightmare on Elm Street was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On December 8, 1984, the American heavy metal band, W.A.S.P. and the hard rock/heavy metal band, Krokus performed at the Berkeley Community Theatre in Berkeley, California. Ticket Price: $13.50 in advance / Unknown Hour: 7:30pm

On December 14, 1984, Dune was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On February 9, 1985, the American rock band, KISS, and the American heavy metal band, Queensrÿche, performed at the Henry J. Kaiser Convention Center in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $15.00 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On February 15, 1985, The Breakfast Club was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On March 21, 1985, the English heavy metal band, Iron Maiden and American heavy metal band, Twisted Sister, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $14.50 in advance / $16.00 at the door. Hours: 7:30pm

On May 22, 1985, Rambo: First Blood Part II was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 7, 1985, The Goonies was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 3, 1985, Back to the Future was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 10, 1985, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 19, 1985, Day of the Dead was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 22, 1985, the musician “Weird Al” Yankovic performed at The Catalyst, a night club in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On August 2, 1985, Fright Night was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On August 16, 1985, The Return of the Living Dead was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On October 4, 1985, the American rock band The Youngbloods performed at The Catalyst, a night club in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On October 12, 1985, the American rock band, The Red Hot Chili Pepper performed at the Keystone in Palo Alto, California. Ticket Price: $7.50 in advance / $8.50 at the door. Unknown Hours: 8:00pm (doors open) / 9:15pm (show starts) [x]

On October 18, 1985, Re-Animator was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On November 1, 1985, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On November 18, 1985, the American heavy metal band, Mötley Crüe, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $14.50 in advance / $16.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On November 24, 1985, the American thrash metal band, Megadeth performed at One Step Beyond, a small night club in Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On November 24, 1985, the American heavy metal band, Mötley Crüe, and American glam metal band, Autograph, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $14.50 in advance / $16.00 at the door. Hours: 7:30pm

On December 10, 1985, the American rock band, Heart performed at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $15.00 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On January 18, 1986, the rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers performed at One Step Beyond, a small night club in an industrial part of the city of Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On February 4, 1986, American rock band, KISS, and special guest the American heavy metal band, W.A.S.P., performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $14.50 in advance / $16.00 at the door. Hours: 7:30pm

On March 19, 1986, the rock band Blue Öyster Cult preformed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On March 21, 1986, Rad was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On April 2, 1986, the English heavy metal band, Saxon, American heavy metal band, Armored Saint and the American heavy metal band, Dammaj performed at the Keystone in Palo Alto, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: 8:00pm (doors open) / 9:15pm (show starts) [x]

On April 18, 1986, Legend was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On May 1, 1986, the American thrash metal band, Anthrax performed at the Keystone in Palo Alto, California. Ticket Price: $7.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 9:00pm [x]

On May 13, 1986, the American pop rock band, The Bangles performed at Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On May 15, 1986, the English heavy metal band, Judas Priest and the American glam metal band, Dokken performed at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena in Oakland, California. Ticket Price: $14.50 in advance / Unknown Hours: 8:00pm

On May 16, 1986, Top Gun was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 9, 1986, the British rock band Sioiuxie and the Banshees preformed at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On June 11, 1986, Ferris Bueller's Day Off was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 17, 1986, the former lead singer of Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne and featured artist the American heavy metal band, Metallica, performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $15.50 in advance / $17.00 at the door. Hours: 7:30pm [x]

On June 27, 1986, Labyrinth was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 16, 1986, Aliens was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 18, 1986, the American glam metal band, Poison performed at the Keystone in Palo Alto, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On July 25, 1986, Maximum Overdrive was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On August 1, 1986, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On August 15, 1986, The Fly was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On September 17, 1986, the punk rock band The Ramones performed at One Step Beyond, a small night club in Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On September 18, 1986, the rock bank Red Hot Chili Peppers performed at One Step Beyond, a small night club in Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On September 19, 1986, the rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers performed at The Catalyst, a night club in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On October 31 - November 3, 1986, the American rock band, Van Halen performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $16.50 in advance / $18.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On December 19, 1986, Little Shop of Horrors was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On December 20, 1986, the American rock band Journey and the  Canadian rock band, Glass Tiger performed at The Cow Palace, an indoor arena located in Daly City, California. Ticket Price: $17.50 in advance / $19.00 at the door. Hours: 8:00pm

On February 27, 1987, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On March 6, 1987, Lethal Weapon was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On March 13, 1987, Evil Dead II was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On April 28, 1987, the English rock band Motörhead performed at One Step Beyond, a small night club in Santa Clara, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On May 1, 1987, the English heavy metal band Iron Maiden, the American hard rock/heavy metal band, Y&T, and the American rock band, Tesla as well as the British hard rock band, Waysted, performed at the Spartan Stadium (it's known as CEFCU Stadium now) in San Jose, California. Ticket Price: $17.50 in advance / $20.00 at the door. Hours: 7:30pm

On June 6, 1987, the rock band Joan Jett and the Blackhearts performed at The Catalyst, a night club in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: Unknown Hours: Unknown

On June 12, 1987, Predator was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On June 24, 1987, Spaceballs was released in cinemas across the country, such as in the Santa Cruz Cinema, the Landmark Del Mar Theatre, CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge and so on. Ticket Price: Unknown

On July 10, 1987, the rock band Red Hot Chili Peppers performed at The Catalyst, a night club in Santa Cruz, California. Ticket Price: $5.00 in advance / $6.50 at the door. Hours: Unknown

Notes:

Again, using Santa Cruz as the basis for Santa Carla, that would mean...

It would take about 1hr 30 mins to get to the Cow Palace.

It would take about 1hr 45 mins to get to Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Arena (also known as Oakland Arena).

It would take about 5 mins to get to The Catalyst.

It would take about 55 mins to get to CEFCU Stadium (formerly known as Spartan Stadium).

It would take about 46 mins to get to One Step Beyond.

It would take about 5 mins to get to Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium.

It would take about 1hr 4 mins to get to Santa Cruz County Fairgrounds.

It would take about 55 mins to get to Marriott's Great America (also known as California's Great America and Paramount's Great America).

It would take about 1hr 30 mins to get to Berkeley Community Theatre.

It would take about 1hr 30 mins to get to Henry J. Kaiser Convention Center (it was also known as Oakland Civic Auditorium from 1914-1984).

It would take about 1hr 34 mins to get to the Old Waldorf.

It would take about 50 mins to get to Keystone Palo Alto (it was also known as the Vortex in the mid-80s, then The Edge in 1989, and closed in April 2000). 

It would take about 4-5 mins to get to Santa Cruz Cinema (which was originally known as Regal Cinema 9) and Landmark Del Mar Theatre.

It would take about 15 mins to get to CineLux Capitola Cafe & Lounge.

[nickgeezyblog]

Rucking Ocala National Forrest

Back in January I attempted Operation Ocala. I made it to mile 45 at the 3rd checkpoint. I thought I could go on after changing my socks, attending to my blisters, but as I got back up I was locked up. I was with 3 others, and we all made it there together and unfortunately, we all dropped like flies at that CP. I never rucked until 2023 or even knew what it really was. My friend did Operation Ocala 23 and I remember following him with his live track and watching some live videos, it was pretty wild. His blisters were knarly. He later got me into rucking later that year and I did a few rucks. My first long ruck we went for 40 overnight but only made it 26.2. I was dead. All with 25lbs dry weight. That was in early December and Operation Ocala was coming fast in mid Jan. I was able to do a few more 20 mile before Ocala and I felt ready. The biggest things I learned from Ocala 24 were that it's all mental. The feet are going to blister, the pain is going to come. The road to the end is longer than you could ever imagine. That day on the way home I couldn’t ever imagine doing that again. My wife picked me up, I could barely walk. Everything hurts. But by the next day or so I was so motivated to get back out there. I was so upset with myself that I had stopped. I know I could have just started moving again work through the pain and get more miles in. Here I am 15 hours into that ruck. It's roughly 8am. I have just enough time to get to the end at 5pm. I had work in the morning. I had a 2 hour drive home. So many things just stacked negatively for me that ending this was the easy way out. 

I found myself wanting to attempt this again right away. I could not wait a whole year. I remember my other friend Josh asking me that he would ruck with me when I posted some of my training activities online. He had been in the Army and he ran and hiked. I asked him if he wanted to do the trail with me soon, and he said yes. 

We set the date for Feb 24-25, 2024. We had 5 weeks to prepare. I go to the gym regularly so I kept my legs trained well. We did 1 ruck together late jan, 20 miles it went well. We found some hot spots and made some changes. I had new shoes. I was trying Altra Lone Peak 8. My issues at Operation Ocala were that my pinky toes were trashed. My pinky toe naturally goes inward towards that next toe and just gets squished. The Lone Peaks, like most Altra, have a wide toe box. I rucked a few 20s and even a marathon before the next attempt. I played around with toe spacers, toe socks, double layer socks...I knew it was going to be an issue. Some things helped but nothing was going to be a solution. I just accepted that going into it. I knew If I can keep my toes decent I can make this. My cardio was fine , I know how to eat and drink etc. It was all feet for me. 

Josh and I met Wednesday before the ruck and figured out where we would drop water off and planned the logistics of getting there and back. The plan was to take both trucks and park his at the finish line which was the end of the Florida Trail. Then we would take my truck and stop at 3 spots approximately 15-21 miles apart. It was more base on access with the trucks we found the easiest highways where the trail intersected. So the route was, start at Fort McCoy, Check point 1 was 18 miles away, Checkpoint 2 was 21 miles away from there, and checkpoint 3 was roughly 15 miles away then like 12-13 more to finish. 

We had to carry all the food with us, and I had extra water at all times since the checkpoints were 5-7 hours apart. I had 4L of water at all times. We chose to leave for Ocala at 730a. This way we did not disturb our natural sleep and we could complete our morning routines. By the time we got to the starting point after all the stops it was 1130. We wanted to start by noon. We started a few min after but close enough.  

My shoes and feet felt good. I had vaseline on the toes, XOSKIN toe socks, a pink toe spacer on the outside, then Dickies thick boot socks over that along with the Altras. All the layers were sitting well, and my feet felt good. I had about 30lbs total on me. A backpack and a hip sack combined. In my backpack water, food, extra clothes, first aid, emergency tent, bear spray, insect repellent, head lamps, back up batteries, electrolytes. In my hip sack I had phone, batteries to charge phone, cords that were ready to go. This way there was no fussing around when trying to charge phone. I had some more food, compass, bear bell, and whistle.  

Weather was perfect. Clear skies, 68 for the high 40s for the low. Light wind. It was gorgeous. Our pace started good. High 17 min miles which was expected for us. Im not a fast rucker, im not a fast runner. Anything sub 18 for me is great. I do from time-to-time shuffle but I chose not to do so on this ruck.  

The first leg was great. I did almost step on a pigmy rattler which made things a little exciting. 

We got to the first check point , you have so much time to play it in your head what you need to check on, fix, charge, etc. It never seems to go as smoothly and it always takes longer. But we got our water refilled, took a quick break and got moving again, It was a 34 min mile combined on that stop, not too bad. 16-17 min break. 

By this time the sun was setting and the next checkpoint was 21 miles so we set out for the next 7 hours. Navigating the Florida Trail is not too bad. I would say it is well marked. We did get lost in January but I had a better map this time and I knew some of the mistakes we made in the past. I did not want to get lost this time. That was one thing that really tired us out . There is a big lake on the trail and it feels like it takes 3 hours to go around, that's because it does. You see a lot of campers around here, but the trail wasn’t really to busy. We passed less than 10 people the entire time. One thing that was helpful for me is knowing the familiar areas. I knew what was coming and it made it like a connect the dots game. It would be like the hike was mentally mapped out in my head. I knew we had to get around the lake, then later there would be a creek crossing, then a sketchier creek crossing , then a board walk etc. That helped me mentally keep going almost as something to look forward to. 

Again, this is mostly mental. This is what got me here. Do hard things. The mind and body are limitless to some extent. You choose what you can and cannot do. The body will persuade you but the mind is the real boss. You go through moments of ups and downs. Filled with doubts, regrets, runner's highs, sense of pride etc. Pain comes and goes. You think you have something brewing on your feet and then it will work itself out. I tried my best not to mess with my feet, but at CP2 I did a sock change just on the boot socks and I took off the toe spacers. I had some hotspots for sure but was not ready to dive into that.  

The night was probably my favorite part. The weather was cooler, no sun heating up your skin. It’s quiet other than some music I was playing. I think I went from Eminem to country to classic rock back to Eminem then death cab for cutie. I was all over the place but it all helped. There were some parts of night and day where I was so into the music I think I was dancing a singing along, im sure me being delirious helped. 

I mentioned food and drink earlier. Here is some more details. I drank 2L of water 4 hours. In the water were 2 packs of Gator Lyte. Plenty of sodium mag and potassium. I'm not crazy about Gatorade but the Gator Lyte drinks and powders are perfect for me. 

I ate every hour. Protein bars like Gatorade bars, and METrx bars. Swedish fish sugary gummies hit the spot, some pop tarts, and I saved a bag of skittles for the last few miles. I don’t normally eat that crap so It was a nice treat. According to my Garmin watch i burned over 7000 calories and I ate close to 5000 I think. 

I did have a chest strap on too for more accurate heart rate monitoring. Garmin is great for these activities. I cycle, run, ruck, etc. and Garmin is great at tracking all of that. I did use Strava for the map portion. I downloaded a friend that actually completed Ocala24 map and that was extremely helpful. Thank you Clint.  

As the sun rises it’s always a great feeling. We were over the hump. We encountered a burning forest at one point in the night. Not sure if it was prescribed but it was very odd to see these trees burning at night with significant flames. There are so many different areas that you cover. Miles of pine trees over hills you can see for so far, scrub oaks and brush where you can’t see but right in front of you, and everything in between. There were overall many prescribed burns that had just happened so you could see more than normal. Not much wildlife though, not sure if that was good or bad. Many deer tracks not no deer.  

One of my highlights of the night was making it to the spot I quit at in January on Mile 45. It was a dirt road. I told Josh to take a picture of me, I flicked off the camera, had a sense of pride and continued on. I was now going into an uncharted trail for me. 

The morning started great. We made it through the night I was trying to do the math and thought we would finish around 11am. 23 hours total. After the sunrise excitement settled down reality was starting to set in. We were slowing down. I was going as fast as I could but overall, it was about 2 solid min slower and that number was growing. My feet were starting to sting. My shins were in pain. My shoulders were tired. My back had blisters from the pack that were not going away anytime soon. My hip sack was rubbing into my legs. Everything was breaking down as expected. I went into this knowing that it was going to be hard and painful. I did not think that if I prepared good nothing bad would happen. That's where I went south the first time. I was prepared this time to embrace the suck. And that's just what I had to do the last 4 hours. Those last 4 hours 12-14 miles or so were hard. Josh was hurting as well. I had the map and I could see the finish line but I made one small mistake. The Strava trail I downloaded was 66 . 63 miles so I was using that number as the finish line. Strava and Garmin must calculate the miles differently. I did not know this so when you are mentally preparing for that finish line you give it your all. Everything you have but that finish line was further than I was preparing for and I didn’t realize this until the last 5 or 6 miles. We were crushed by now and knowing we had to go further was a lot to digest. I was talking to Josh and myself, or I guess yelling....” This is why we came here , It’s not for the last 60 miles, It's for these last 3 or 4” Everything slowed down. Our pace was hitting 23 min miles. About 5 min slower per mile than how we started. Add that to 4 or 5 miles and it's an additional half hour. Things were just stacking up negatively for us. We ran into some hikers, so we knew the trail head was closer. I asked them how far they had been hiking and they said about an hour or so, someone said 2.9 miles...So we finally knew what we had left. If it took them an hour with fresh legs, what did that mean for us. 1.5 hours...? Now time was a crunch. I know this was an unofficial attempt but I still wanted to be there within 24 hours. I was getting doubtful. Josh was as bad as me. Just shot mentally and physically. Quitting was not an option.  We had trucks 70 miles apart and no other assistance. We just pushed and pushed. “GO ONE MORE”. I had my son write that on my hand. I knew I would need it. One for step. One more min. One more mile. And so on. I looked at it many times during the ruck. I can’t explain how slow time and miles passed at the end. The last mile took the longest. We were so close about ¼ mile away and I felt something pop between my big toe and the next toe. That area had been tender for a while but the blister popped. HOLY COW It stung. I went from a slow pace to a limp real quick. I am grateful this happened the last ¼ mile and not the last 5 miles. I don’t know what I would have done. We limped on and pushed with everything we had and made it to the trailhead at just over 67 miles in 23.5 hours. I told Josh as we had a few miles left, the pain would go away as soon as we got there. We just have to get there. I told him he was a F**king Badass! I said many will never even attempt something like this. I was just trying to be as positive as I could. Every time I looked at my hand “go one more” (got that from Nick Barre) it would choke me up a little.  

The next few hours we ate some pizza. We must have looked like 2 90-year-olds with walkers coming into the restaurant. We had to drive back to my truck. My feet were rough but not as bad as I thought. It's crazy how much pain and stinging can come from a little blister. I guess your body is really good at telling you to stop. I was mentally prepared for that. I knew what was coming.  

The ride home was long, 2 hours 20 minutes from the Rodman trailhead. My wife and son were waiting for me. Dinner was cooking. I limped in, i could barely move. My wife tore some band aids off my back, and I screamed so loud like I never knew I could scream that loud it hurt so much. Then I iced bathed my feet. Another painful moment. I ate and crawled into bed. My feet and legs were swollen and still are (the next morning) I took the day off of course so that's how I have time to write this. I am moving better today than expected though. I will be fine. Josh is doing good too. He will be fine. We will be fine. It was a big commitment to revisit this quest.  

I can now move on. I will continue to ruck but I like trying new things. Ultra running is something I have in my sights. I have never ran a marathon but I just rucked over 2.5 of them in less than 24 hours. It was equivalent to doing 21 5ks. 

I share all this because we have much more potential than we think. We can do anything. It may not happen all at once but if you want something bad enough you can do it. Long distance really lets you dig deep with yourself. Even during training, I went on 7 –8-hour rucks and you can really work on yourself out there. I call it training but it was still a hobby to me or just a fun Sunday morning. Put in your favorite podcasts or music playlist and just start rucking. It’s a great zone 2 exercise. That helps build endurance and just overall makes you healthier and stronger. The mind gets stronger too. You think the normal day to day challenges will even be a blip on my radar after this? That\s what it's all about. Doing hard things. When you raise that baseline of what is hard, the normal "hard' stuff is a walk in the park. Challenge yourself. Embrace the suck and bring some friends with you to enjoy the ride.