#i started my second playthrough the other night and this was all i could think about when i saw this again

[waterdeeping]

is this not how this scene went?

[astarion-obsessions]

I think not enough people understand that Astarion doesn't want you to be his main or only source of blood. This even stands in direct contrast to what he really wants to achieve with biting Tav. Let me explain.

Why Astarion doesn't want you to be his blood bag

Let me start with explaining how I approached this topic. First of all, when I triggered the bite scene in my playthrough, I obviously let Astarion drink from my Tav. But then I got curious. What happens when I don't stop him? He's said I could trust him just a moment ago, didn't he? So I did just that, I trusted him literally with my life. 

Aaaand... he killed me. Well. What did I expect from a vampire, really. But that he actually drained me dry broke my heart. I really wanted to trust him, to reach out and show him that I didn't judge him for what he was and so on. I was really disappointed in him and couldn't quite grasp why he would do this. Was it a conscious decision? Did he lose control? Surely he would apologise and explain everything to me once someone resurrected me, returning the trust I was giving him the night prior, right?... right?

Of course not. The dialogue after him killing Tav was... at least as disappointing as him killing Tav in the first place. He shows his usual attitude, apologises half-heartedly and then just keeps going on with talking about draining the occasional bandit. He even snaps when you mention the topic of him feeding after that with something like "I already apologised, what more do you want?".

There's no real regret, no emotions. He simply doesn't care.

We know that he didn't care in the beginning, he tells us as much when he confesses his unwanted, growing feelings towards Tav in act 2. But still the whole bite scene didn't sit right with me until…

The Nightmare 

I randomly stumbled upon a clip of Astarion having a nightmare, so I researched about it and even started an Astarion run to experience it myself. So, if you play as Astarion, at the second long rest of act 1 he has a nightmare about Cazador, in which he recites the rules that defined how Astarion and the other spawn had to live:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. 

Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. 

Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. 

Fourth, thou shalt know that thou art mine. 

However Astarion reacts to this dream, he jolts awake afterwards and instinctively panics that he needs to find a way back to his master as soon as possible. His eyes set on his companions, who are sleeping / meditating peacefully around the fire, and then a thought passes his mind.

He could try to break one of Cazador's rules right then and there. He's able to stand in the sun, to bathe in running water, so maybe…

And that's why he decides to bite a companion. Astarion wakes up utterly terrified of what his master will do to him if he doesn't return to him in an instant - and he knows all too well what kind of horrors would await him if he so much as dares to think about rebelling again (read about that here) - so he is in desperate need of confirmation that he is now able to withstand and actively break the rules that have dominated his life for two centuries.

He needs to know that he is able to drink the blood of a thinking creature. And there they are. His clueless companions served on a silver platter. It's like an invitation to him, to test his boundaries. And who would be more fitting than the good hearted leader of the party Astarion wanted to (or already has) seduce(d) anyway?

This piece of information shed a whole new light on the bite scene. But let's look a bit closer at that. 

The Bite Night 

The very first thing Tav registers about what's going on with Astarion that night is him baring his fangs right above us, about to sink them into our flesh. He pulls back as soon as we open our eyes, retreating immediately until there's a safe distance between him and Tav. 

This may be the first time Tav gets to know that Astarion is a vampire, so he gets defensive and tells us that he's never killed a person for food, only animals. But then, instead of letting the idea of feeding on Tav go, he insists that animals aren't enough. 

But it's not enough. Not if I have to fight. I feel so weak. 

If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better. Please. 

Then he goes on, literally pleading to get what he wants while putting on a sad expression in the end, even averting his gaze. 

And if we now have in mind that he just woke up from a nightmare about Cazador, feeling powerless and in desperate need of even a glimpse of hope that he might escape Cazador's cruel grip, his lines make a lot of sense. He's veiling the truth, of course, but not all of what he says is a lie. 

He indeed feels weak - powerless in fact - so drinking Tav's blood (the blood of a thinking creature) could prove that he may have regained a bit of power over himself, which had been exclusively reserved for Cazador the last 200 years. This would absolutely make him feel stronger, more confident than he's felt for a long, long time. 

And he indeed could think clearer after tasting Tav's blood, because this would bring clarity to the question if he is now able to break Cazador's rules on purpose and therefore give him information to work with when he needs to think about what to do next. 

Right after this, we get the chance to push into Astarion's mind, and if we do this, we can see what he thinks about. 

His mind opens up, revealing cracked and quivering memories. At their heart, you see dark eyes, commanding you to feed. 

You open your mouth and bite down. Not into a tender neck, but in the twisting body of a rat - the only thing your master lets you eat. 

He recalls the memory of how his master used to force him to eat disgusting vermin. As his memory is told, we can clearly see how deeply this affects him, for he can't keep up his walls of defensiveness and detachment. They just crack, crumble and reveal his misery clearly for Tav to observe. When we ask him about it directly afterwards, he first seems to search for a way out - a witty remark, anything - but gives up almost immediately. And he looks and sounds just completely defeated and tired, confirming what Tav just saw in his mind. 

He goes on with talking about trust. I think here he's seeing a chance to gain Tav's sympathy. If he already reveals such delicate information about his past, he can as well make use of it. So he appeals to Tav's understanding, offering us that this past is the reason for him only trusting Tav slowly. But then he immediately adds that now he trusts Tav, and that in return Tav can trust him, too. 

What he does here is displaying himself as pitiful, gaining Tav's sympathy, then seemingly going out of his way and saying that despite all he does trust Tav, which puts Tav in the position to follow suit with returning the trust… which Astarion definitely lied about on his part. But that's what he does. Manipulating. 

If we then respond with "You tried to bite me. How can I trust you?" instead of assuring us of his trustworthiness with more manipulation, he gets frustrated. 

Because we don't have a choice! Not if we're going to save ourselves from these worms. 

But he goes on with masking his reasons, even if he gave us a hint right in the beginning of act 1 when we picked him up, where he said that he would rather control the tadpole instead of removing it. If we play as Astarion, it gets clear pretty fast that he holds onto the tadpole, because it seems to be the only thing that had been able to "save" him from Cazador whilst no one and nothing else even attempted to help him for two centuries. Of course he would not want to get rid of the tadpole just like that. But he says so nonetheless to align with Tav's goals and display himself as useful. 

And then he does something interesting. 

I need you alive. You need me strong. 

Please. Only be a taste, I swear. I'll be well, you'll be fine, and everything can go back to normal. 

In the beginning of this conversation he mentioned he needed the blood to fight better. Now he takes up on this by saying that Tav needs him strong, hinting on him getting stronger after having a taste of Tav's blood. And then he promises that after this "everything can go back to normal", which right now means Astarion feeding on animals again. 

A few things about this are odd. 

Firstly, "only be a taste". Everyone, literally everyone has heard about the insatiable hunger of vampires. So how is it supposed to work that Astarion gets stronger from just a taste of Tav's blood? For how long? A few hours? Not nearly long enough to pose a real advantage, eh? For me this makes no sense. And if we think about his true intentions - wanting to find out if he can break Cazador's rule - just a taste would be absolutely enough. (And after he bites Tav without killing them, he even says that he needs something more filling!) 

Secondly, if Astarion really wanted to become stronger with the help of Tav's blood, why would he promise to go back to normal afterwards? He just offered Tav a stronger companion but then immediately nullified this argument by literally saying that this will be a one time arrangement. 

Thirdly, he subtly offers a bargain. "You give me your blood, I will be a stronger fighter for you." He did so in the beginning as well, repeating it with different words. And it fits his character very well to do so, because for all he knows everything comes with a price. He almost gets beaten to death and Cazador mercifully comes to his rescue? The price is a never ending life of torment and abuse. Astarion helps a potential victim for Cazador to flee? The price is a year of starvation, locked up in a dusty and dark tomb without knowing if it will ever find an end. Mindflayers rescued him from Cazador, (passively) granting him to possibly be free of him at last? The price is becoming a tentacled monster in the end. 

If we then allow him to bite us, he's visibly surprised about our graciousness, but of course doesn't let this chance slip and suggests getting comfortable instantly. Then he finally gets to sink his teeth into Tav's neck. This part of the scene can more or less be viewed from both sides - Astarion's and Tav's. 

He begins to feed on Tav and after a bit we can decide to interrupt him, but have to pass an ability check first. This repeats a second time when playing Tav, and even if it's only one AC when we play Astarion and decide to bite a companion, it still aligns, showing that Astarion seemingly loses himself in the taste of Tav's blood - which is very likely because (as he later tells us) we were the first humanoid he's ever fed on, so it's imaginable that Tav's blood must be tasting almost divine to him. 

This theory is supported by his actions after we fail the first AC or just let him continue. He grabs the back of Tav's head to pull them towards himself, emphasising on how greedy he is sucking the blood out of Tav. The camera even uses the exact same angles before failing or skipping the first AC and after, so the comparison is easy and the difference is clear:

If we then fail or skip the next AC, Astarion just drains us dry… And it gets even better after the bite night. 

The Morning After 

When Tav gets revived and then talks to Astarion, he is visibly surprised to see us, after he left the dead body of Tav behind with saying "Oh no, something terrible has happened". Sure Astarion, something… 

All of this happens when Astarion still doesn't care for Tav. He reacts with panic when we confront him with the fact that he literally killed us, and just manages to get his expression under control after a few seconds. I mean, just look at him:

'Killed' feels like a strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour. 

He definitely knows what he's done, and that 'killed' is indeed the right word for it, he is just very very bad at coping with guilt (which is amazingly analysed by thelikesoffinn - definitely read this, you'll understand Astarion so much better after this). 

He instantly lays the focus on our codependency again, that we need each other and so on. If we question why we should keep him around, he answers with:

A strong, well-fed vampire? I'm a powerful weapon - you'd be a fool to toss me aside now. 

With mentioning this, he wants to make sure that Tav will let him stay by their side and therefore grant him protection. 

But more importantly he continues:

Anyway, last night was an aberration. It will never happen again. 

He doesn't even start with something like "Next time I'll be more careful" or anything similar. He straight up says that it will never happen again. Period. If we then ask who he will feed on next time he gets hungry, he presents the idea of feeding on villains and bandits "who need killing anyway". And this is exactly what he wants. This even shows in his reaction to Tav's response to his suggestion.

If we agree and therefore allow him to feed on our enemies ("Sounds good. Glad we could agree"), this is how he reacts:

As am I. I'm starting to feel a little peckish already. 

This itself doesn't sound all too enthusiastic, but we get his approval up, which definitely shows that he very much likes that Tav agreed. 

On the contrary, if we suggest he can feed on Tav, ignoring his will wish to feed on villains ("Look, I'm not against you feeding on me, but only if we talk about it first"), this is his reaction:

Of course! This sounds eminently reasonable. 

I shall wait patiently until you suggest we… dine together. 

Doesn't sound too bad either, eh? But we don't get his approval. He doesn't disapprove, of course, because this is still a thousand times better than what he had until then, but still not what he really wants… 

So, what does all of this mean for the initial question? 

Conclusion 

The crucial point here is what it means for Astarion to feed on Tav. The only things he remembers since Cazador turned him, are being relentlessly dominated and horrifyingly abused. The things Astarion wants the most are to be safe and to finally have control over himself again. 

He bit Tav for the sole purpose of finding out if he can be free of Cazador's rules. So why would he jump right into being dependent on Tav? He suggests to feed on villains, because then he is free of anyone's mercy. He doesn't need to rely on Tav to graciously allow him to get a drop of blood. He can do this himself now. 

This is such an important step for his character growth, to find the way to his autonomy again, so if we only allow him to feed on Tav, it instantly sets him back into old habits of bowing to his masters words - or in this case Tav's. Because it's all hes been doing for the last two centuries of his life. 

So, as much as the thought of the self-sacrificing offer to be his personal blood bag may seem romantic or whatever, it's actually the exact opposite, trapping Astarion in what he desperately tries to escape from. The restrictions that come with someone dominating him mentally and physically. And as I mentioned earlier, he doesn't believe in the goodness of people. For him every "kind" act has a price and he likes to know what he has to pay, so he wouldn't even want to just drink Tav's blood without Tav getting anything out of it. He would most certainly expect Tav one day to come around with something he doesn't want to give or do, so he wants to control such situations beforehand. 

All he wants is to make his own decisions and be free in every way possible… 

So please just let him drain some bandits, will ya? 

[crustaceousfaggot]

So I've been thinking a lot about the setting of Disco Elysium. Specifically it being set in late winter/early spring. It's not something I've really seen anyone else bring up.

I mean, the symbolism seems pretty obvious right? Spring is the time of new beginnings, winter is ending and we're entering a time of potential and rebirth. Definitely nothing new. But I think it goes beyond that.

I live in one of the coldest major cities in the world. Not *the* coldest, but you'll be hard-pressed to find a city with over 1,000,000 inhabitants that gets colder than it gets here. Winters are long and brutal and difficult, and when the soil itself is frozen and covered in a foot of packed snow it's really hard to believe that the world could look any other way.

And don't get me wrong, winter is beautiful. The world is quiet and picturesque. There's none of the usual dirt and debris in the streets because it's all buried under the snow. The way that fresh snow sparkles under street lights at night is one of the most breathtakingly gorgeous things I've ever seen.

It's early April right now, and the snow is melting. It's not all gone, but it's getting there. When the air starts to warm up there's this feeling of excitement and anticipation in the air. Spring is here, and any second now the world will be bursting with new life and beautiful greenery.

But it's not. Not yet.

For about a month and a half after the snow starts to melt, the world is grey. No glittering snow, no budding flowers, no swirling red leaves, just puddles of brown water and lawns of brown grass. It's like winter had ended, but the world has yet to realize that it's supposed to be spring. Until it remembers, we're all trapped in a world where there is no season at all.

Sometimes it snows, but the snow never sticks around. Sometimes it rains, but the rain never brings flowers in its wake.

That last month of winter, that first month of spring, whatever you want to call it, is my least favourite time of year. I heard it described once as "the long-preserved corpse of autumn, finally allowed to rot", and that phrase stuck with me. There are eight month old leaves on the ground, skeletal and bleached grey by a winter trapped under the ice. Without the snow to cover it, you can't ignore just how much we've let our city go to shit. The trees are bare and skeletal, and even the evergreens look washed out and grey when they're not contrasted against the snow. Most of the birds aren't back yet, so the only sound outside my window is the ever-present hum of traffic.

It's impossible to ignore the movement and the sounds of humanity, but at the same time the world has never felt so stagnant.

I think there are all sorts of comparisons you could draw here, some of which hold up better than others. The one that first comes to mind for me is sobriety- the line "Full recovery will take years, though. It’ll be depressing. And it’ll be boring. Don’t expect any further rewards or handclaps." from the "Waste Land Of Reality"o thought is one which really stuck with me on my first playthrough, and one which feels especially appropriate here. But that's just one angle.

How much of this was intentional? I don't know. Probably not most of it. Part of me just wanted to go on a little tangent about the seasonal purgatory I'm trapped in once again. But I genuinely don't think there could be a better time of year to set a game like Disco Elysium. That bleak dusty shoulder season, where all the ugliest and most honest parts of nature and civilization are on display. The time of year where I've gone through the ringer and come out the other side, but everything still looks and feels like shit. It's just a different kind of shit.

Spring isn't here. Not yet. And when it does come, it won't fix anything. There will still be garbage on the ground and pollution in the air, there will still be class inequality and senseless violence and I will still be mentally ill.

But still.

For the first time in months, I can feel the wind against my skin without it hurting.

Whatever that's worth.

[michanvalentine]

So, I started my second playthrough as Astarion. Partly because I wanted to try romance with Shadowheart (I'm not sure I would have succeeded with the vampire available at the camp, lol), partly because I wanted to understand Astarion's character even more deeply. Fortunately, having already played the game I'm going significantly faster (and therefore my husband probably won't ask for a divorce). At the moment I don't want to talk about this second experience of mine, but only express some of my reflections regarding the character of Astarion. I certainly won't say anything new, but bear with me, I'm of a certain age and I only finished the game recently! xD

Astarion: It's not fair, darling, I wanted to be the only one holding knives to other people's throats!

Browsing the web I often read that Astarion is evil. I think instead that judging him is all too easy, if we consider his vulnerabilities. And yes, that's exactly what it's about: vulnerability. Because Astarion doesn't have the means to defend himself or approach the world in a way that we would consider healthy. For example, Tav/Durge could easily take advantage of him and Astarion would let him do it, which is uniquely sad (spare me, I only saw it on YouTube, I would never dream of doing something like that to him). As much as he tries to disguise it with his charm and his sharp tongue, Astarion is a victim. At the beginning of the game he still thinks and acts as if he had never left Cazador's pleasure chambers, despite the freedom he has gained. One of the very first things he does is prostitute himself for Tav/Durge's favor, hell! And if they wants, Tav/Durge can act towards him as a surrogate master who decides for him (what he can or cannot eat, whether or not to bite the perverted blood merchant, etc); and, again, Astarion will let them do it, because he is used to it that way. And when things go differently, he is surprised and doesn't know how to react. Astarion knows nothing else. He is literally incapable of anything else. Cazador himself says it, in a truly chilling way. Because it's damn true. And sad. In the mind of the abuser, the one who created and shaped him, it is clear as day: without a figure to refer to, for better or for worse, Astarion does not know what to do with his life. Not anymore. Not after Cazador made him his obedient puppet. For 200 fucking years. In fact, Cazador is certain that without the presence of Tav/Durge (the alternative) Astarion will return home to him. Even if it means sinking into a nightmare again. Or even die. Because Astarion has nothing and no one out there for him. And it's such a real concept that it breaks my heart, because even in real life abusers scorch earth around those who are unfortunate enough to end up in their clutches. So that they can never escape from them.

Astarion: I mean... five minutes ago I was in the kennel... and now I have to save the world without even a bit of therapy?!?! Of cooourse, what fun!!!

Yes, Astarion was once a magistrate. And no, not a corrupt magistrate; there is no evidence of this in the game and as far as I know the old concept for his character has been discarded. On the other hand, I have the clear feeling that he was a rather severe and intransigent magistrate, yes, which may have led him to the tragic night of the attack by the Gur. In any case, the person he once was is dead and buried. Cazador took it. Eradicated in 200 years of torture and replaced with another existence: the vampiric one. And we know well what the rules of vampiric society are: Vellioth passed them on to Cazador and Cazodor to Astarion. So the magistrate (with all his wealth of experience) is no longer a part of him that Astarion can appeal to extricate himself from the complexity of the situations he suddenly finds himself experiencing, free from the control of his master. The boy doesn't even remember what color his eyes were anymore! And that's why he is completely defenseless. And scared. Even the possibility of finally being able to decide causes him deep anxiety.

By defenseless I mean that he does not have the skills (or at least a shred of self-esteem) to manage relationships or situations in an adequate and healthy way, let's be clear. Therefore on many occasions he acts or reacts (and it is how he behaves, let's underline it, not what he is) selfishly or even cruelly. Often just to give himself a tone and not always feel miserable as usual.

So I wonder if someone who has just begun to live again, to rediscover the world and himself, can be called evil. At the end of his quest Astarion himself will declare in front of his tomb that he must figure out who he is and what he wants. So the Astarion we met at the beginning can't be the real Astarion, right? It cannot and must not be the Astarion on which to base an objective judgement. Not to mention that being evil and performing evil acts are two completely different things. Wyll is a good guy, yet he made a deal with a devil, for example. In extreme situations even the kindest and most sensitive person in the world could find themselves carrying out controversial actions. None of us will ever know what we are capable of, for better or for worse, until we find ourselves in similar situations.

If we then consider the context in which the character of Astarion moves, I wonder more about why there is such a stir. In Faerûn killing, threaten or deceiving are the order of the day. For everyone, including heroes. Lady Ailyn is literally a beacon of hope, a demigoddess daughter of a good deity, yet she can be terrifying. The way she punishes the wicked is inhumane, violent. Outraging the body of the downed enemy is not a good deed. It even goes beyond punishing the evil one in question. For us in the real world it is a crime punishable by law. For her it's a personal matter, of course, we know this from her story. So why can't Astarion enjoy violence and blood? He is a vampire, he cannot eradicate certain instincts. And it's great to hear him say it in his own voice, point out the hypocrisy and the double standards: "It turns out no one actually cares about murder, as long as you murder the right people." And after 200 years of impotence, tasting power and enjoying it seems to me at least the least. Of course, it's not a good thing when it comes to bending others to your will. But, as stated, carrying out an evil action (or boasting about it, because Astarion often barks and doesn't bite) does not necessarily mean being evil.

Astarion: I see you there, stumbling. Pathetic. Leave room for the professional, who better than a rogue can move lightly on the thin line between good and evil?

I think that saying Astarion is evil is completely flattening his character. People are not that simple, nor are circumstances or where we come from. At the beginning of the journey he behaves like an asshole, yes, and exceeds in his base instincts which he must learn to control. But he is willing and able to learn and that makes all the difference in the world. Of course this depends on Tav/Durge, on the player himself, the only one who can show him another way. Or not.

I also add another consideration; and I get involved too because I'm human and not a saint. In living everyday life we ​​are much more similar to the character of Astarion than to the classic hero. In small things, of course, we mind our own business, we try to avoid trouble, we compete with others to achieve a goal to the detriment of competitors, we don't risk our lives for complete strangers, at most we call the police; effectively letting someone else deal with it. All this while having a normal life, without having to fight for survival. We lie, we talk badly about someone behind their back, we hurt the people around us. Then maybe we'll apologize... but I'll tell you a secret: Astarion is also capable of doing it! So I wonder if sometimes it's so easy to be so hard on him because in him we see the worst traits of human beings, our worst traits. The ones we reject. Just as Astarion is harsh towards those who share his same fate, because: "I just... I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn't need to know my shame."

To top it off, the game and interactions change depending on how the player approaches their adventure. The choices I made in my heroic playthrough probably led me to see a part of Astarion that was decidedly human and not very monstrous. And despite my heroic (and rhetorical, lol) acts, his approval was always pretty high. Let's say I had fun defeating him with my patience, unconditional trust and so much kindness. I will never forget his line at the brothel: "Eugh, dont' be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back." Priceless.

[happy-beeeps]

Naïveté

Summary: Astarion begins to reconcile with the fact he might have fallen for you, only to worry you've caught an interest in someone else. Earllllllly act 2, minor spoilers for act 2!

Pairing: Astarion x f!tav

Warnings/tags: fluff, miscommunication if you squint, jealous!astarion, platonic!wyll x tav, slightly ooc Astarion because I'm still learning to write him so be nice PLEASE😭🥺

WC: 2k

a/n: I'm finishing a character sheet for tav so we can have her backstory, but she's who I've been using this playthrough and I've been really enjoying her story. When I post on Ao3 she'll have a name, but I'm going to leave her unnamed here! Also, will have a seperate BG3 spot on my masterlist soon!

It’s late at camp, and by the time you finish indulging in a bottle of wine with Karlach, you figure you’re the only one still up. It’s been a long night, and an even longer few days, spent trudging through the grimy depths of the Shadowcursed lands and just barely making it out of the encounter with Marcus alive. Isobel had given you the ability to travel freely, but all you could do was set up camp near the inn.

The firelight is dim when you make your way back from the secluded spot near Karlach’s tent, and Astarion’s tent is sealed tightly. You contemplate going over, just peaking your head in to see if he’s deep in trance yet, but you change your mind. After your previous night’s conversation, you’re still not sure on speaking terms. It plays out over and over again in your mind. Naive, he’d called you, your heart was too big. 

You tried to be reasonable. You were naive. You were young, and perhaps no one but Wyll new exactly how young. To be ninety as an elf was to be just becoming an adult. No one else had known, no else had asked, including Astarion. You chalked it up to his truly immortal lifespan, he hadn’t cared about aging for 200 years, why start now?

Still, you couldn’t deny the pull you felt to him, or the thrill that shook your bones when he would quietly rush into your tent each morning, murmuring the incantation for lesser restoration. You still thought of the way he looked at Gale when he asked to consume that locket all those days back. “I’m glad you let him suffer for a moment, darling,” he’d murmured into your ear that night, his breath tingly on your neck, “That one’s ours.”

There’d been other nights since your first night together, while you hadn’t slept together in completion since, all passion and teeth and sweat. Sometimes you’d just kiss him, wrapped up in nothing else but this bliss of arms and scent. Lately though, he’d been closed off—distant. His conversation the previous night had come out of nowhere, as if you were standing on the doorstep of Moonrise Towers that very instant. 

You were so lost in your own thoughts, consumed of Astarion, that you nearly missed Wyll’s form standing near the dimming fire, moving around in a dance you actually recognized.

“I hope I’m not interrupting practice,” you smiled, giving the man ample warning before you stumbled into his rehearsal. 

Wyll wheeled on you, a faint blush growing across his cheeks. “It’s one of those old courting dances, it’d be a cold day in the hells before I’d ever forget them.”

“Oh I’m quite familiar,” you murmured, thinking back to your own youth, your own debutante ball, before you lost everything. “Everyone else around here forgets I come from taste.”

Wyll snorts, “Sure don’t smell like it.”

Your friendship with Wyll is a special thing. No one else can understand what it felt like to be from a Noble family, the expectations and the experience it comes with. When your family had been killed and their wealth assumed, you were completely on your own. Learning how to pickpockets and lie had not been a part of your expensive and tasteful education.

Dancing, however, came second nature.

You move to stand in front of him without really thinking, decades of experience guiding your motions. “Go on, let’s see what you can do.”

He’s a fine partner, moving cautiously around you and guiding your hand easily. Even when he brings you closer for a slightly more intimate dance, his hands nor his eyes never stray. 

“I wonder what I’d have done if I ever saw you at one of the balls my father sent me too.” He murmurs.

“I’m certain you did. Though you would’ve been young. I haven’t been in nearly a decade.”

He chuckles, and clucks his tongue for a moment, “Just practically a baby, far to young to approach Fey nobility.” Before bowing in front of you and wishing you goodnight. There’s the smallest beat where he looks at you as if he has something to say. You look at him for the smallest moment. It would be so easy to love him, if you were anyone else. He’s exactly who your father would have picked for you, save his humanity. But, despite it, you can’t. You can’t fake the flutter you get when you Astarion’s cold hands tickle your fingers, or the tickle of his hair on your cheek when he’s pressed against your neck. You’re not naive enough to admit this to Astarion, but from the fleeting glance you send to his tent, you can see that Wyll already knows. He leaves you with a knowing glance and a soft goodnight. You go back to your own tent, happy to have removed the thought of the curse, of Ketheric, and even of your own problems for just a moment.

So full of contentedness in fact, you don’t notice the scarlet eyes peering at you from the slat of their tent, a whirlwind of emotions cascading over them.

* * *

Astarion doesn’t hide his mild disdain for Wyll, or anyone to be fair, to begin with, but the following morning he bears down on the man like an ogre. “I didn’t anticipate you being quite so light on your feet. The Blade stands at the ready, and also ready to pirouette, I suppose?”

Wyll rolls his eyes at Astarion’s quip, used to the sarcasm, but somewhat surprised at the intensity of the rogue’s grip on his arm. “Wasn’t aware I couldn’t have past times.”

“By all means feel free to entertain us with a ballet in between slaughters,” his voice hushes as you walk by, looking at the two men skeptically, “I’d just prefer if your duets didn’t happen whilst I’m trying to read.”

Wyll follows Astarion’s slightly fleeting to his retreating gaze. You’re standing behind him, out of earshot, leaning against Lae’zel’s tent while she sharpens your sword. Astarion’s stare is enough to allow him to piece everything together. “Can I give you a word of advice?”

“Only if you accept that I may ignore it entirely.”

“She’s wonderful. And she’s made her choice without giving anyone else a chance. If I were you, I wouldn’t waste it, wouldn’t kill you to get to know her.”

Wyll walks away, and Astarion is left alone again with his thoughts. Contrary to Wyll’s belief, he thinks it might actually kill him to get to know you. He’s been balancing precariously on his fight to not let himself be fully consumed by you and your grace, your goodness. You were a spoilt little thing, he was sure of that, and he had meant what he said that night by the water. It didn’t mean it hurt his chest more when your face fell. “Naive?” there was a crack in your cool, crafted facade. Genuine hurt had settled there for a moment, and something akin to disappointment. He hadn’t known how to face you since, hadn’t known how to say “I’m sorry! I’m falling for you and can’t help it and I’m terrified!”

So instead he said nothing at all, and resolved to say something later.

* * *

You had just gotten back to camp for the night, Karlach nearly giggling at the amount of gold she had stuffed in her pockets from the tollhouse. You had noticed Astarion’s eyes on you, heavy and pensive, when you had dealt with the Master of Coin, how easily you’d convinced her to simply cease to be. That was perhaps the easiest transition from nobility to rogue you had, the gift of a silver tongue and wide, batting eyes.

You changed into your camp clothes and watched Karlach throw gold pieces at an increasingly irritated Lae’zel, Gale standing nearby doing his best to keep spirits high in this eerie camp, working with whatever cured meats and cheeses you still had to attempt to make a dinner. You had changed into camp clothes and grabbed one of the books you had found in the tollmaster’s office, a shockingly smutty romance novel that had to be even older than you. It was quiet in the corner you found, somewhere even Halsin’s booming laugh had faded into quiet background noise. You tried to not think about your surroundings, about your increasing frustration with Astarion, or the odd way his gaze had hung on you all day. 

“I’m always impressed by that tongue of yours, petal.” The vampire’s voice pulled you from your thoughts, and he settled beside you on the ground, arms behind him as he reclined easily next to you.

You rolled your eyes at the innuendo, and the pet name. “Yet you’ve been leaving me and my tongue to our thoughts the past few days.” You huffed, flipping the book to the next page, though not really reading any of it 

If Astarion could blush, he looked as if he would. “We’ve been a bit busy darling. I’ve been…strategizing.”

“Strategizing?”

“Precisely.”

The quiet overtook the two of you. After being so distant, if he didn’t want to come to you, then so be it. You could not—would not–crack first. He could not even begin to know the bubbling furnace of your feelings, or you’d be positively done for.

“How old are you?”

His question strikes you, strikes you enough that you set the book off to the side and face him. “At what point did you start to ask me questions?”

“When I realized I had done something to anger my favorite companion,” his fingers reach out and trace small patterns on your skin. “How old are you?”

“Ninety.” Your voice moves to a whisper at the end of the word, and his eyebrows quirk.

“Only ninety and yet alone. And Balduran?”

“Yes, but I haven’t lived there since I was seventy five.”

“Something happened,” he rocks upward, now sitting nearer to you. “You weren’t supposed to be like this.”

“Perhaps that’s why I’m so naive.” It comes out more bitter than you meant, but oh well. He deserved it.

“Naive wasn’t the right word,” he looks like he’s fighting himself to turn out the next sentence. “I didn’t mean to offend.”

You smile softly, laying a hand on top of his. “I don’t know if I believe that, but I appreciate the apology.”

He grins, his deep set smile lines settling in your favorite way. “Tell me about your childhood.”

You shrug, “There’s not much to say. I was an only child, an only daughter. I used to play the lyre, learn languages, paint–”

“You come from nobility.”

“I sort of thought it was obvious,” you shrug and tap your knee against his, “I wasn’t supposed to be out in the middle of a campground, much less learning the ways of a rogue.”

“What were you supposed to be?”

“A wife, I guess.”

“And while I’m sure suitors everywhere are devastated, I much prefer my rogue.”

My. You don’t say anything and neither does he. You let the word hang there, testing to see if he reaches back to grab it, but he doesn’t. It gets quiet for a moment after that, and you can see him spinning the illusion in his head. You, swathed in organza, spinning around a marble ballroom, entertaining suitors. 

“Is that why you danced with Wyll?”

“Ah,” you smile and rest your head on his shoulder. You love these fleeting moments of intimacy, where you can both pretend to be nothing more than lovers on an adventure. “So this was spurred by jealousy?”

“As if I have anything to be jealous over Wyll. He wishes he looked half as good as me.” His words lack their normal bite, and he turns his head softly, so he’s speaking quietly, just to you. “But perhaps in the future you’d let me take you for a spin.”

You press your hand against his on the ground. “You need only ask.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind.”

There’s so much more you both want to say, confessions on the precipice of both your minds, but you say nothing. You idle together a touch longer, hands resting against each other, pretending neither of you can get hurt, envisioning a world where it’s him spinning you across the dance floor in a world where you could have each other.

[snapscube]

So do you have a spoiler free review of the Spider-Man 2 game, for people like me who haven’t bought/seen the game yet? (I lack money so I have to wait for Christmas lol)

I can give you my top-down thoughts yeah!

Gameplay-wise, it's a night and day improvement over the first game in basically every regard. I've heard some mixed opinions on the new gadget/abilities system, and I had my own hang-ups here and there, but once I got a feel for it and started actively looking for ways to cleverly use them and upgrade them it really clicked. The flow of combat is amazing. The swinging mechanics are a MONUMENTAL improvement over Spider-Man Remastered and Miles Morales. Those games had fantastic swinging, don't get me wrong, but they always had the issue of having a pretty intense speed cap and a disappointingly small amount of maneuvers to play with and master. This game introduces not only the web wings, which add a whole extra dimension of traversal to play with, but also still manages to improve the swinging itself more than I ever expected. Tight cornering, loop-de-loops, slingshots, and more are ALL introduced and work amazingly. And on top of it all, the speed cap for traversal is a 3X INCREASE when fully upgraded. And you feel it IMMEDIATELY, because even the baseline speed is so much faster from the jump. The game just plays beautifully in every regard, easily worth the price of entry for that alone.

Story-wise, I've mentioned I have some hangups about the pacing that I'm still working out. I just started a second story playthrough so I'm giving it time before I form any "final" thoughts, but my gut experience was that the first Act comes out the gate firing on all cylinders. The characters feel so alive, the world is breathtaking, and there's a ton of intrigue. But then once you hit Act 2 and 3 things speed up in a way that can feel a bit unnatural. One thing that helps this though is making sure to pace out your playthrough with side missions. It doesn't fix the pacing entirely, but there are so many side missions in this game that honestly feel just as integral and worth doing as the main story. I would say definitely try to do as much as you can to pace out Act 2 a little more with side content, cause much like Miles Morales this feels like the kind of game that lives and dies by its side stories. The secondary cast is incredible, and there's a ton of easter eggs and emotional beats that are integral to the overall picture of this game but just aren't in the main stuff. But the beats that hit in the main story hit REALLY HARD. The game definitely has the common sequel problem of shooting for a lot more and as a result kinda ends up a lot messier. The first game is still more of a quintessentially good Spider-Man tale than this one. But that is NOT to disparage this one at all. It is WORTH experiencing, for sure, I just think maybe it could have used some more polish. But there are a ton of moving parts, so I can totally see how they ended up with what they did.

I have a lot of other thoughts but those are sorta the big two pillars I can easily discuss without encroaching on spoiler territory and without writing basically a whole article.

[galadrieljones]

I have finally finished all companion quest lines and I think after I clear the rest of the blight from the Crossroads, because it just feels like a moral imperative, then I am going to bite the bullet and trigger the endgame sequence for Veilguard. I think that will start tonight.

I'm scared 🙃

You know I really do like this game, but my one actual complaint is that it feels completely unregulated, pacing-wise. Inquisition was way less fun to play, but it was much better at this, just in terms of telling us what level we should be on to progress the main story. That helped me understand how much I should be grinding and focusing on companions and side quests. In Veilguard, I didn't realize the companion quests were so rich and multi-faceted and I put them off for such a long time. I have felt like a mad woman the past three nights, running all over Thedas helping my friends resolve their problems, all the while wondering when the hell I would get to see Solas again? I haven't seen Solas in so long, it's like a major dry spell and I'm sad lol 😭 Also because I wrapped up my romance so early, I've been missing that, too. Other than off hand banter here and there, and Emmrich occasionally calling Rook "darling" when they're in battle, I feel like they haven't had a conversation in weeks lol

There are good games that do this well, like Skyrim was totally unregulated and had like zero consideration for pacing, but the open world format, which was engineered for discovery and environmental storytelling, had this unique quality of being so distracting, I found I was never getting ahead of myself. I could craft the story however I wanted, as I went. Veilguard doesn't quite have this. I imagine a second playthrough will be better, but it's a good way to cause players who are new to BioWare to accidentally miss a TON of content, I feel, if they're racing through the main quests and neglecting everything else.

Anyway! It's fine lol. I just needed to vent on that, like the game is fun

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey, Steph!! I've been following your blog for like four-ish years now and thanks for everything you do! <3 Though on another note, do you any other fandoms you're into except for Sherlock and Good Omens?? Have a great day/night!!

Hi Nonny!!

Oh, gosh, I'm into SOOOOO many fandoms. I actually started out as a wee lass as a Sonic fan, and aside from Sherlock, it's the longest-running fandom I've been active in (I was a "well known" fic writer in my teens and a fan-artist) I kind of left the fandom because of school and never went back in.

But yeah, I talk quite a bit about my fandom fave things, but CURRENTLY I'm obsessed with Disco Elysium and Loki. Both series I've read a lot of fics recently for, enough that I'll probably put out lists for.

BUT, I am a fan of A LOT of things, including but not limited to these fandoms that I lurk on the sidelines in, in no particular order:

Red Dwarf

Detroit Become Human

Moon Knight

Loki Series

Disco Elysium

Kingdom Hearts

Skyrim

Dragon Age

Sonic the Hedgehog

Doctor Strange

Avatar Last Airbender

Fruits Basket

Ranma 1/2

Lilo and Stitch (mostly Stitch, I am OBSESSED)

Darkwing Duck

Assassin's Creed

As I said above, Sonic is one of my oldest fandoms. I was very active in the community in the 90's and 00's, and then I went to school and never really clicked with them after. I have a long-semi-abandoned fic series I wrote called The Metallic Touch based loosely off of Sonic SatAM and the Archie Comics with inspiration from the Fleetway Comics. I'd love to finish it one day. I have the entire series plotted out on paper.

Kingdom Hearts is my favourite video game series. I have bought entire-assed systems and consoles JUST to play the newest games. I love almost all of them, and will usually replay them the most if I'm just DONE playing a bad string of games.

Skyrim is my second-favourite game, which I've replayed 3 times and NEVER completed, LOL. I love it so much though. I've got over 300 hours clocked into my last playthrough back when I was unemployed. I'm overdue for a replay.

Assassin's Creed series is my third fave; I got into it when I got my PS4 and there was a sale on the new-gen games Origins and Odyssey, so I bought them and ADORED them. Then I bought Valhalla and loved it, it's currently the record holder for "most hours in a game (458hrs). I really like it a lot. Then when I signed up for PS Plus, almost all of the Ubisoft catalogue is on there for members, so I just plowed through all of the titles available. The only one I haven't played at this point is the original AC because it was never made available. Black Flag I think is my fave. I am one of the few, it seems, who is SUPER PUMPED for Shadows. I am sad it got pushed back but hoping that means it won't be buggy.

Other video games are more "I'm obsessed in the moment and then I adore aspects of the games and that's what I focus on". With Disco Elysium, for instance, I'm OBSESSED with the dynamic of the characters and the world building, so I need more and more (and Kim's voice is yummy, but we won't talk about that LOL). And it's more or less a Sherlock AU which really appealed to me in the end, I think. The narrative RPG was a different type of game for me, I liked that I could just... relax, you know? Dragon Age, I've only played Inquisition and haven't finished it, but again, it was about the characters for me. I love them. I want to replay that one and I want Veilguard.

Hmmm. I dunno why I went into all of that, LOL. I just felt like obsessing about whatever came to mind, hahah.

Seriously though, if you want me to go into any of my fandom things, PLEASE ASK. I LOVE talking about my obsessions, and no one in my real life really gets me, LOL. I just REALLY LOVE FANDOMS. I love being a part of them, and I love just... obsessing about them. They're my happy place.

I don't have much in my life that makes me happy, so I take what I can get :P

[rjjameshiii]

RJ's Platinum Collection #21: The Quarry

Achieved on 3/6/2023 at 9:15 PM

Going by the fact that some of my previous Platinum's included Until Dawn, The Dark Pictures games, Detroit: Become Human, etcetera, I think it's no secret I love games where I can make choices that affect the plot. And Supermassive is really good at making horror games of that exact nature. So when The Quarry came out, I was super excited to play it and the Platinum for it!

Also, Brenda Song is in it. Enough said.

You get put in the shoes of nine teenagers - Ryan, Kaitlyn, Dylan, Emma, Abi, Jacob, Nick, Laura, and Max - as they spend one last night at the summer camp they've been working at in the woods. However, things go sideways real fast when the teens realize they're being stalked and hunted by a family of werewolves. So it's up to the player to help them all survive the night and make it out of the Quarry alive, with the assistance of a ghostly medium named Eliza in-between chapters.

I started by going into the game and doing a blind first playthrough. I figured that I had done such a good job with a blind playthrough in House of Ashes, I could probably do it again right? Well, unfortunately, that was not the case. By the time I finished the Epilogue of my first playthrough, I had only managed to keep three of the characters alive (Abi, Nick, and Max). Well, you win some, you lose some. At least I got 20 trophies still.

1/41: What's This? - Collected your first clue.

2/41: Forewarned Is Forearmed - Got a Tarot reading.

3/41: Prologue - Complete the Prologue.

4/41: The Truth Is Out There - Collected your first piece of evidence.

5/41: Chapter 1 - Complete Chapter 1.

6/41: It's All Coming Together - Found a matching clue.

7/41: Chapter 2 - Complete Chapter 2.

8/41: Chapter 3 - Complete Chapter 3.

9/41: Chapter 4 - Complete Chapter 4.

10/41: Chapter 5 - Complete Chapter 5.

11/41: Chapter 6 - Complete Chapter 6.

12/41: Chapter 7 - Complete Chapter 7.

13/41: Chapter 8 - Complete Chapter 8.

14/41: Reactionist - Activated 15 interrupts.

15/41: You're Breathetaking! - Passed five Don't Breath events.

16/41: Phlebotomy - Accepted the bite of a werewolf.

17/41: Mutually Assured - Laura and Travis killed each other.

18/41: Chapter 9 - Complete Chapter 9.

19/41: Chapter 10 - Complete Chapter 10.

20/41: Epilogue - Witnessed the Epilogue.

Onto my second playthrough! This time I used my knowledge of how I failed in the first playthrough, plus a few helpful guides, to make sure that all nine teens stayed alive. I also wanted to get all Tarot cards, all clues, and all evidence on this playthrough, but it turns out that is impossible because of a single path decision in Chapter 2. If you go one way, you find a Tarot card. If you go the other way, you find a Clue. However, you can't get BOTH on one playthrough. That is deeply irritating. I decided to do the Tarot cards, and eventually succeeded in my endeavor for an Everyone Survives playthrough.

21/41: Nick Of Time - Successfully took the fastest route to Nick.

22/41: Above The Law - Travis and Laura agreed to work together.

23/41: Decked Out - Found all Tarot cards.

24/41: The White Wolf - Killed Silas.

25/41: Family Matters - Killed all of the Hacketts.

26/41: Rough Night - Kept everyone alive.

I thought I had gotten all the evidence as well, but it turns out I missed one. However, I then discovered that it doesn't count if you just go to chapter select and pick up what you missed. I ended up having to do a third playthrough just to get the trophy for finding all ten pieces of evidence. Again, deeply irritating.

27/41: Conspiracy Theorist - Collected all evidence.

I then used chapter select to quickly replay Chapter 9 so that Ryan dies in the Hackett house, but Laura is able to kill Travis and escape so that she and Max reunite on the island. It was a cute little scene.

28/41: Should've Gone To The Motel - Reunited Laura and Max.

I then decided to just get a very easy trophy out of the way and start a movie mode playthrough. You don't need to actually finish it - just starting movie mode at all gets you the trophy.

29/41: Creature Feature - Started a movie mode playthrough.

I then started another new playthrough, this time going for making sure all nine characters died. I also went for the trophy for refusing Eliza's help in-between each chapter, since why bother learning the future if I already know everyone is gonna be dead?

30/41: Just A Flesh Wound - Saved a friend from infection.

31/41: Lovers' Quarrel - Nick killed Abi.

32/41: Hard Pass - Refused Eliza's help at every opportunity.

33/41: Hackett's Quarry Massacre - Killed everyone.

I then replayed Chapters 9 and 10 twice to get the trophies for having Kaitlyn be the sole survivor and for having Ryan be the sole survivor.

34/41: The Final Girl - Kaitlyn survived the night alone.

35/41: Last Man Standing - Ryan survived the night alone.

Now it was time for my fifth playthrough, this time going for the trophy for getting all nine characters turned into werewolves. You could do this on an Everybody Lives playthrough, but I just didn't think to do it at the time. Max, Laura, and Nick all get infected no matter what, but the other six require you to make specific choices in order to get them bitten. I also made sure to get all of the clues, and I also got the trophy for never missing in combat encounters as well.

36/41: Bizarre Yet Bonafide - Listened to the podcast.

37/41: Blood Pact - Infected every character.

38/41: Meddling Kids! - Collected all clues.

39/41: Peanut Butter Butterpops! - Never missed in a combat encounter.

Now I just had one more trophy, and it was for Jacob telling Emma the truth about how he sabotaged the car to keep them at camp for one more night. But in order to do that, you need Emma to be infected and then cured, but Jacob can't get infected at all. That did require me to do a partial playthrough of the game, but once I got the scene and unlocked the trophy, the Platinum was mine!

40/41: Nobody's Fool - Jacob told Emma the truth.

41/41: What Doesn't Kill You... - Achieved all the trophies!

I thought The Quarry was a great addition to Supermassive's collection - not as good as Until Dawn, but good in it's own right. However, I once again had to do multiple entire playthroughs of the game to get the Platinum, which I'm not the biggest fan of.

Rating: 8/10

[rottenbrainstuff]

Bg3 redo thoughts: after I finished my very first big amazing bard drow durge playthrough, I’m going back and doing it again with a tielfing paladin, to see what different things I run into and whatnot.

I’m really enjoying all the small little details and updates that have been changed since I last began a playthrough: stuff like Astarion’s boar now sometimes being found in a different spot. When I went into the spider cave, this time I noticed flies buzzing around the corpses… I swear I don’t remember seeing that detail there before?

Since my tav this time is a tielfing, she’s not getting her ass kissed by the goblins anymore, which is interesting. She failed an intimidation check with the goblins at the windmill so we got into a fight. Well. My guys are tired and health is low and there’s a lot of goblins here but whatever, we’ll see how it goes.

Then I hit Fezzerk one single time and he surrendered. Lmao! I had no idea that was even a thing that happened, it’s been so neat to see that even though my first playthrough was extremely thorough, there’s still been neat stuff to find.

I didn’t automatically decide who I would romance this game, I thought I’d just sort of let things happen as they happen. The end result is: I’ve got Gale and Astarion’s romances locked in now. I really just don’t get the folks who say they have such a hard time romancing Astarion, or even just getting him to like them. He’s consistently always the second in line for me, behind only Gale. Possibly Lae’zel would be quicker if my tav made less decisions that pissed her off, but it seems that they’ve also made some changes with recent patches and she needs a couple conditions to be met now before she starts talking about how much she likes your stink. I mean I haven’t even got to the necromancy of Thay yet, or Gandrel, or the goblin camp. I triggered his first romance after I recruited Karlach.

Astarion gets cranky at a few choices in the grove, but I mean, so does Wyll, so does Lae’zel. I dunno. Like, here’s some quick tips if you guys aren’t just making jokes and do legit have a hard time making him like you:

You can send him back to camp, along with Lae’zel, as soon as you enter the grove, because they’re both going to be cranky. Once you’ve talked to Zevlor and saved Arabella you can bring them back. Astarion likes Auntie Ethel so be sure to bring him back before you chat with her.

He has a lot of little cut scenes and special dialogue, and a lot of little approvals come from these and they add up. I wonder if people are missing these. Be sure to camp often. Like seriously. Camp all the time. There’s the first night camp scene, the musing about how would be best to die, the stargazing scene (although I dunno, I don’t think that gives any approval?) musing about what each companion would taste like, the drunk from bear blood scene, and the mirror scene.

If he’s on your party when you visit Raphael he has a couple approvals to give there if you refuse to be Raphael’s toy.

When he bites you, you’ll get five approval the next morning if you tell the other companions they can leave if they’re not happy about a vampire in the group, and you’ll get five more approval if you don’t force him to keep biting you, but instead just agree to his plan of biting enemies. You can get almost 30 approval just from the bite scene alone!!!!

Like I said, I triggered his first romance after I recruited Karlach: I had barely even left the grove at that point. I wasn’t being evil. I only sent him back to camp for two events (talking to zevlor and saving Arabella). I think I still could have romanced him just as early even without doing that. It shouldn’t really be this hard. I know it’s funny to joke about how he hates everything you do, but if you guys are seriously having troubles with it, I dunno send me a DM and I can help maybe, I’ve been very thorough in my analysis of his approvals.

[tokillamockingbird427]

hello :)

as it is literally night while im writing this(totally not the only time actually free in my room/desk and go through my mess of thoughts) , i was thinking deeply about a logan (voice) hc that i decided to share here. im not too sure if this was talked about already a LONG time ago but feel free to let me know :D

mainly, it revolves around if he gets comfortable enough and decided to talk around other people besides hesh & elias, because well, social gatherings are scary. but even between elias & hesh, i feel as though he really just uses sign language unless its in a place he truly feels comfortable in talking in.

but getting more into the mans voice, i feel as though he mainly speaks in a whisper, or if anything is a soft speaker. a soft speaker with a raspy, soothing voice with a bit of an accent if we add ur head cannon of hesh & logan being of mixed race bc of mama walker ! (if we add in the (multilingual) hc from my first/second ask, his voice would of course be with a way more deeper accent.) and the reason why i chose him being a soft spoken speaker was mainly cause the walkers kinda generally have a soft spoken voice when theyre not yelling :). (i noticed that when i watched a 4 hour play through for the second time to really analyze the characters for fun.)

now, if we really think about it, his voice is pretty good to fall asleep to and is generally shocking(but not like keegans…his is a whole ‘nother story like your post on it lmao.). and if we add how hes a menace, its something that really catches you off guard when the usually quiet guy is talking so lowly of you with a soft raspy voice.

but ofcourse if we talk about all the ghosts here, hesh would be the main contributor to have him talk more, as the supportive older brother, with elias also following in. not too sure what the other ghosts would do besides surprised pikachu face or being excited over the fact logans starting to get comfortable with them cause i know that shit took long.(i feel like some walruss moments may also happen...)

(my main boost of energy to write this was listening to some S.O.A.D(system of a down) and my very mixed up playlist lmao)

—🎧 anon

Hullo! Good to see you again. I think you did talk about it but only a bit, so I'm very happy to hear you elaborate!

Yes, I agree. Depends on the people he's talking to AND the environment. Like the mess hall? No thank you. Just chilling in his room with Hesh? He'll talk his brothers ear off. (Funny scenario, a Ghostie becoming very confused when they hear two people talking in a room when there's only Logan+Hesh in there because they outright forget Logan's not 100% mute. No briancells for these guys.)

Oh, fun fact, and a less mentioned HC I have, I like to give Logan a tablet for speaking when he encounters people who don't know ASL. Has quick words button but also a place he can just type. And sound effects! He fucking loves the sound effects. I have this HC because he seems to just have a tablet on him a LOT in the game, so why not for speaking purposes?

You and me be shaking hands over combing the game for details lmao. Though tbh I didn't think to focus specifically on their voices, so I now have a reason for another playthrough! >:D

Logan speaks like he's doing asmr lol. But less joking, yes yes, very much I like. I like think Logan might have some gravel in his voice, but unlike Keegan (Majority gravel+bass) his is more raspy than gravely. (And his voice isn't as deep.)

Elias and Hesh being around could be what helps Logan acclimate to speaking around the Ghosts more. They're "safe places" for him, so it could start with him talking to them specifically around the Ghosts, which then transitions to him speaking to the other Ghosts directly.

I think Keegan, being similar in the sense that he's quiet (but not as quiet at Logan) would be the first Logan really speaks too. Which is absolutely something Keegan would love to brag about. He's the favorite after Elias and Hesh and the rest of you can SUCK IT! It's also a tell of how comfortable Logan is with Keegan. He's an outlier because he's not only the first Ghost Logan gets comfortable speaking to, he's also the record holder for how quickly Logan starts speaking to someone. Which may or may not have something to do with the crush Logan has on him.... ehehehe.

[dragonageruinedmylife]

I have finished my first playthrough of The Veilguard as of last night. I have a lot of thoughts and am overall very happy with this game and the experience, can't wait to play it again. But I really wanted to ramble about something I noticed throughout the game with its structure and the way the romance plays out that reminds me of Mass Effect.

More under the cut since I will be going into the final set of missions for the games with BIG story spoilers, you have been warned.

So, I know Bioware took inspiration from Mass Effect with playstyle since ME is their original action RPG. It was very enjoyable. But I was a fourth into the game, I think, when I started to see some similarities to Rook and Commander Shepard. It's not a one-to-one, mind you! but there was something in the way Rook already had a bit of a reputation and felt very much experienced in the world, as well as how Rook can instill confidence and mentor their companions.

With the romance, the fact that you don't get the Love Scene until there is a moment of quiet before the big battle is very Mass Effect. I do like that it's not all at once, you're still getting romantic scenes and dating the character before the Big Moment, (that was my experience with romancing Davrin, anyway) so thank you for that Bioware.

But the biggest way that I feel they mirrored Mass Effect was the set of missions leading up to the finale. Choosing and then losing Harding when she led the second team felt like a gut punch and reminded me of Virmire. The choices of where to assign your teammates felt like the Suicide Mission in ME2, where if I made the wrong choice that teammate was a goner.

I got an achievement for keeping everyone in the Veilguard alive (obviously outside of that first choice that leads either Harding or Davrin to their death) but that also implies that we can lose them in the finale?? I'm sure we'll get that answer as more people finish the game.

I don't bring all this up because I think Bioware is lazy or copying their other successful game. I think it was smart that they took inspiration from more than just their Dragon Age games, and I honestly respect them for following through with the theme of regret in this game. That sometimes there aren't any good choices but we have to make them anyway.

But the reason I ramble at all—and this is just complete speculation; I have no proof—is that there were hints in the game, especially with Taash's storyline and the Qunari, that felt like it could be a set-up to DA5. And after the credits rolled, there was a line that just said "The Veilguard remains vigilant."

It makes me wonder that if we do get DA5, we might actually return as Rook with our companions. With the similarities to the story structure in ME, it would be another parallel for us to return as our protagonist and get to grow our romances (or choose new ones?) and see where our team goes based on what we chose for their personal quests. Getting to play as the prev. protagonist in a DA game has also been something bandied about in the fandom for years.

Obviously, none of this can be answered right now and probably won't be for years to come since Bioware is shifting its focus to ME5, but it was fun to think about and I wanted to share it.

[sweetlywingedcreation]

for the character ask: shadowheart baldursgate3 . idek anything about her I just think she's pretty🙂‍↕️

Hell yes!!! Shadowheart!!!

How I feel about this character

Okay, so I love Shadowheart so freaking much!!! She was the first companion I romanced in BG3 and has claimed a special place in my heart. (thank you to my bestie who convinced me to choose her instead of Astarion for my first playthrough. Changed my life)

She's like one of the very few women I'm genuinely attracted to and she makes me question my sexuality a little lmao.

Once you get her to trust you she stops being cold for the most part and starts being sweet and a little dorky and OUGH I just love her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I ship a decent amount with her but my mains are:

Karius my Tav (I have so much shit written and in my brain for these two! That's his fucking wife your honor!!! In my brain I've labeled them HeartBeat)

Halsin (the other half of my CanonXOc OT3 They are in a very happy poly relationship I have dubbed UrsineHeartBeat)

Karlach (Any time I'm not playing Kairius I always think of these two since they're almost always on my main team and their banter is always so fun. Also 'she looks like she could throw me over her shoulder' Is a god-tier line from SH. These bitches gay! Good for them... Good for them.)

Laezel (I'm not the biggest shipper of them but I think they're neat! Love a good enemies to lovers speedrun)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Astarion!! I've seen some good romantic stuff for them but honest to god I just think they'd be besties drinking wine and gossiping.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't think I really have any???

Like I like her character arc of learning to trust you and opening up slowly. I know some people thought she was bitchy in the beginning but in her defence, she was literally brainwashed by a cult not to trust people, it's kind of understandable she'd be cold and distant.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

More romance options in Act 2.

I know she was occupied with all of the Shar stuff happening but both Astarion AND Gale (and probably others but I only really know these 2) have a second romance scene in Act 2. I genuinely thought I fucked her and Kairius' relationship up when I didn't get anything until LITERALLY the end of it (right before the boss).

IIRC all you get from her is a brief 'Hey we had somethin' going, didn't we? Sorry, I was too busy!' moment. Like Gale gets a whole scene under the stars, Astarion gets an entire moment where you can hug him and tell him you care for him.

Where's Shadowheart's version!? Let me tell her how I care for her and that I'm glad she's okay after everything that happened in the gauntlet! Let me give her a night orchid and hold her hand under the stars! Let me heal her sliced palm from the blood sacrifices and tell her how strong she is for betraying Shar!

Yes, I know they're technically story beats and not EXPLICITLY romance scenes but cmon man.

Hells, I even wrote an entire thing about Kairius dying her hair (despite that happening in Act 3) because I just wanted MORE for her.

Maybe she gets a second thing in Act 3 idk, I never finished the game lmao but still. Let me love this woman more dammit!

Anyways

Thank you for asking!!!! I love Shadowheart ^~^ <3

[eziojensenthe3rd]

Midnight Gaming: Serious Squidding

So last night I played some Serious Sam past midnight, checked socials later to find... Nintendo takes down Splatoon 3 video for mentioning sex.

So during a time when Half-life and Halo have led fps games away from one-liner spouting, 90s fps games to ones that focused on a narrative, Serious Sam was a series that stood in defiance of the changing tides with hordes of screaming headless mobs running towards you the player.

The hordes arent really an exaggeration as for the time, croteams first game featuring the tshirt wearing warrior, The First Encounter, was notable in pc gaming for having tons of enemies swarming you on screen, across various arenas and an array of explosions.

My first entry though was infact The Next Encounter on the gamecube before I eventually grabbed the HD remasters as well as 2 and bfe on steam. Beaten First Encounter on normal difficulty and sometimes play the other games from time to time. 2 was the one that repelled me the most due to how cartoony it looked. It was presented like a saturday morning cartoon with corny jokes and all whiched clashed with the bloody carnage. It just didnt mesh well and neither did Before First Encounter and that was for opposite reasons.

BFE from what I heard from rumours was originally meant to be just another military shooter that croteam was working on before it got canned and they repurposed a lot of the enviroment assets for a Serious Sam game instead. Its just a rumor but it does explain why it was all in modern Egypt. But yeah that game felt a bit too grounded at times with the story and graphics being a bit drab. Also it has glory kills? You could melee some enemies with a prompt and just kill them outright, without the need to use your guns, just press the melee when your close enough and you'll blink towards an enemy, kill them outright and move on. Also BFE seems badly optimised for Switch since i've seen a lot of graphics pop in whenever I turn around a corner.

So early parts of First and Second encounter? Fine enough, you go through arenas, face several enemies, you run backwards at times, its serious sam... maybe I dont like Serious sam that much? I like it enough and there are times when it becomes tense and yet.. I often just lose interest nowadays. Could be that I often play on Normal since to me it feels.... fair. You want to play Serious Sam in a way that makes you dread every healing item and ammo pickyp you come across? Play them on Serious difficulty, the highest difficulty thats unlocked from the start, and you will definatly develop some new phobias. I tried playing on Serious for TFE and, there is, never a time where you can reliably let your guard down. Every corner, every hallway, EVERY ITEM, there will be a chance of enemies being spawned. Sometimes right in your face. Go watch a playthrough on Serious difficulty or play it yourself and you'll understand why.

Actually, the games story at first was going back in time in order to find and stop Mental right? Thats what the early games before BFE were about, travelling through the timelock to try and stop an alien overlord who is trying to destroy humanity right? Right? Because I dont think time travel is really utilised much as a narrative device in this series. All the time periods you could potentially visit and fight enemies in. The first encounter only had Egypt. The second encounter had some time periods to go through. The next encounter also had that but that wasnt really made by croteam. 2 didnt had time travel instead going by multiple worlds and BFE onwards was just in modern times on earth. Seems like only croteam only did 2 games that barely scratched the surface on time travel and then just dropped it. Isnt that strange.

Just to wrap this segment up, I will say one more thing. I also went and played the two serious sam ports on steam, Classics Revolution and Serious Sam Fusion... beta.

CR seemed to be focused on the classic versions of TFE and TSE while Fusion is based on the HD remasters and BFE, both of course have workshop support. And you know what, its nice to play Serious Sam with mods, playing through a remastered version of TFE's maps with Overwatch weapons was neat.

So moving on to news, Nintendo. That company has garnered a mixed opinion nowadays. On one hand making great games and on the other hand striking down any form of appreciation shown by their fans. This however does come off as a bit silly though in my opinion, A video by Splatoon youtuber Liora Channel was struck down for "Sexual Content"? So Liora did a video called Splatoon Girls which focused on women who played Splatoon and talked about themselves and their personal lives. Some of these women have admitted they dated some high-profile splatoon players and engaged in casual initimacy. Nintendo didnt like that so they struck the video down.

Now, I'm aware the series is rated around 3+, its very much marketed towards kids but, to be honest I dont think the playerbase is mostly just kids. I guess it was more around late teens to early 20's maybe and with the lobbies allowing for miiverse style picture posts allowing anyone to post any drawn image, I wouldnt think the fanbase is that prudish. Then again I dont play Splatoon so I could be very wrong and Nintendo could be right but if this video that Liora made was to interact with women splatoon players and they admit to having initimate relations, is it really right to strike it down because it clashes with intended marketing. I dont know but i'll leave you the article from gonintendo.com and you can decide for yourself.

Thank you all reading, feel free to leave some feedback and game suggestions. Anons are currently on.

[cogitrot]

I've been dipping my toes into Solo RPG and found Iron Valley! I just started my first playthrough today and am almost done with the first day. Took a bit of a break because I'm having trouble moving the story, but I'll get there.

This is Mushroom (though he doesn't have his name yet), my entirely randomly rolled character. He abruptly found himself wandering the wildest parts of the Rosy Bastion arboretum one fine morning with no idea how he got there, where he came from, or what his own name is! He managed to locate the settlement, but unfortunately for him he's been having a really hard time explaining what happened, which isn't very surprising, since it's hard to explain yourself when you don't remember what happened! Probably not helped that the first two townies I rolled (at least the two who are adults and therefore the ones handling this) are both probably the grumpiest and most suspicious characters in the town, maybe. Really! They all really just want answers to the exact same question, but none of them really, really believe that the other guy doesn't have those answers! So they keep asking each other the same questions over and over! And getting the same answers! Over and over! For basically the whole day!

I think I'm going to have Roja, the mayor, finally call it for the night, actually. There's only one tick left in the day and they're all too tired and worked up to make any progress, and Mushroom still needs a place to sleep! They could all use a night, actually! They'll give Mushroom a tent and some supplies because that's what I randomly rolled the town is definitely not set up to house a whole additional adult person out of nowhere! Don't worry, Stranger, they'll give you a really good sleeping bag. They feel kind of bad about this. Only kind of, though. It is a very nice sleeping bag.

Juniper, the farmer whose kid found Mushroom, considers for .5 seconds offering her couch, but like. She's got a kid. She's not inviting strange adults into her house just yet. Sorry, Stranger From The Arboretum, you'll survive one night on the ground. Gran, the kid in question who has been left alone to stew over this juicy new development while the adults all ineffectually panicked in a closed room and rolled the 'romantic' trait: Parental Figure You Have Rescued A Man From Great Adversity. Can You Not See This Is Your Spouse. How Could You Condemn My Future Father To A Night On The Cold Hard Ground.

Mushroom, holding his new tent and sleeping bag and flashlight and some granola bars because he might get hungry or something and a toothbrush and some toothpaste and four (x4) water bottles because that was what the office fridge had in it and zero (x0) answers against his chest and too emotionally exhausted to function at the moment: This Is Fine.

...Oh, cool, I typed my way out of the floundering I was doing. Yay! Off to see if Mushroom finds a good place to sleep or a GREAT place to sleep. Does Mushroom know how to set up a tent? I suppose we will find out. If he rolls a miss he's just going to fall asleep face down on top of the packed up tent somewhere. I wouldn't be surprised at this point; man's had a Day. He'd be fine, probably.

[riddlerosehearts]

okay, so i finished my first playthrough of baldur's gate 3 last night!! and then i played the ending cutscenes and the epilogue twice so i could collect my thoughts and reactions and figure out how to write them all out. god, i love this game. for a while i almost didn't want it to end because i loved it so much but i think now that i've finished it i'll only become more attached to the silly little half-elf bard that i created to play this game with, and want to keep thinking about him and posting about him more--especially since i'm planning to eventually get a new graphics card and then i'll be able to make nice high quality screenshots and gifs of the game. i've already been planning out what my next tav will be like too, and thinking about doing so many more playthroughs of this game! i may have some criticisms here and there because bg3 is definitely flawed in some areas, but i mean, what isn't? it's a huge game, i had a lot of fun with it overall, and i'm so glad i finally decided to pick it up in march after months of seeing its characters flood my dash.

i kept hit the "4096 characters per block" limit while making this post btw 😭😭 but it seems i could get around that just by breaking up the bullet points a bit. i don't care if nobody but me is going to read my million words of rambling about how much i love these characters, i am not cutting anything out of my post.

so we have the big goodbye scene at the docks, starting with orpheus wanting you to mercy kill him and lae'zel to carry on his legacy and lead the rebellion. i wasn't sure what to have her do, so i initially picked the option for her to make her own choice because i wanted to see what would happen, and because it's what i've usually been choosing in these situations. she decided to do as orpheus asked and the dialogue she had about it was beautiful, but honestly in this specific case i think persuading her to craft a new fate for herself in faerun is the most in-character thing for elenion to do. so i reloaded and did that. and i think it definitely was the right choice for this playthrough, because what she said about her destiny not being for orpheus or vlaakith or decide, and how it was on faerun that she learned to be free, is pretty much the exact reasoning i had in mind! and the epilogue party, with the hopeful letter from voss mentioning an alliance with the githzerai and the dialogue from lae'zel about fighting vlaakith's army, also ended up confirming for me that her staying in faerun doesn't mean the githyanki are doomed or that she won't still find ways to fight for her people.

the way she's all like "go mingle! that's the word, right?" and "this is... nice. yes, i think that's the right word for it" at the party is so funny and cute. she's trying her best!! i adore lae'zel and i will never understand why she seems to be so much less popular than most of the other companions.

after lae'zel's scene we have a very short scene with gale talking about the crown of karsus. i chose to have him give it back to mystra. i'm going to come back around to gale later and talk about astarion now though! his ending scene makes me so sad to think about, like, everyone is talking about celebrating and then he's just suddenly on fire, nobody really shows any concern outside of one of the companions saying a single line about how he won't get to see the sun anymore, and then that's the last anyone sees of him before the epilogue party?? the tone of the scene feels like it's supposed to be funny but like i said, it just makes me sad :( the epilogue makes things a lot better, though--you get to actually talk to him about and he's surprisingly earnest and apologetic, and seems so much happier and more at peace now. he also continues to be hilarious. the second time i did the epilogue party i chose the "i've been boring--living a quiet, peaceful life" dialogue option and he's like "and fate let you get away with that? i'm impressed!" anyway, though, i love his growth and i'm so proud of him.

next up, wyll and karlach--i totally get why so many people ship them now because wyll is the one to call out to her and bring up the idea of them going to avernus together, and then at the party she says having him there has been incredible and that you can get through anything with someone you love at your side?? i mean, karlach is very freely affectionate with her friends--she tells a non-romanced tav she loves them after fighting gortash, and if you tell her as she's dying that she was spectacular in every way she'll say she adores you. so no, her saying she loves wyll doesn't have to imply anything romantic, but it is just adorable anyway.

the scene with them in avernus feels so weird though... i mean, karlach's part in it is badass, the problem is wyll just standing there being silent the whole time. i know that if you romance karlach your tav can go with her to avernus instead, and it feels really obvious that the scene must've been made with only that scenario in mind when wyll's version of it could've been unique to him and had actual dialogue between him and karlach!! honestly, it just feeds even more into the feeling of wyll's personal quest never being about him. it also makes me even more curious what the ending is like with him becoming grand duke... i mean, does he end up becoming a slimy politician who's corrupted by power? if so, then why did the story itself not do more (or anything, really) to hint that that would happen to him and give him more of a power hungry side and if not, then why do the dialogue options for convincing him to become the duke both talk about power and make it seem super obvious that that's the Bad Ending™?

oh well, i guess i can't say i'm not happy that there's a way to give karlach a more hopeful ending! i understand the appeal of a good tragedy, and i understand that karlach herself would rather die than be unable to live freely, so maybe you could say that letting her make the choice to die rather than return to avernus is the option that gives her the most agency... but at the same time, the song that plays over her ending scene is "i want to live". she says she wants to live, to be free and be happy with her friends by her side, but it just seems so hopeless. if one of her friends is willing to brave avernus with her, to make sure that she won't be alone while helping her have a fighting chance of getting her life back, then i think she should be able to take that chance. i kind of wish it was possible to fix her engine and give her a fully happy ending as well--everyone but her pretty much has one, as even though astarion can't walk in the sun as a spawn he can still be free from cazador. and if the tragedy of karlach's death or the bittersweetness of her returning to avernus resonated more with someone, then they could still choose one of those endings. but i guess larian probably isn't going to add anything like that at this point :(

i also still just can't help but feel like wyll really deserved better treatment from the writing. well, at least his epilogue confirms that mizora isn't bothering him too much, and you get some incredibly sweet dialogue if you tell him you've missed traveling with him.

does... shadowheart not have any kind of ending scene at the docks?? like, she's obviously there, she can be randomly chosen out of the companions to make little comments on things, but i don't get a scene with her at all and i'm unsure if it's bugged or if the writers just left her out?? it feels weird. but i guess that's okay for now, because i absolutely adore the entire conversation i got to have with her at the party. i'm so glad she chose to save her parents in this playthrough--apparently, there are certain hidden requirements you have to meet or she'll agree to let them go, and i guess i came across everything by accident during the brief time that i took her around the city with me. anyway, elenion got snarky with her and pretended to forget her name and then she got snarky back and just automatically hugged him. adorable. the first time i played the epilogue i volunteered halsin to take the owlbear because i hadn't talked to shadowheart yet, but the second time i played i gave him to her because holy shit she's got as many animals in her house as fluttershy. love that for her. and the way she rambles on about her parents, her mother's recipes and her father's terrible jokes, and then apologizes because she thinks it must be a boring topic?? excuse me, no, i am unironically extremely interested in this and i think elenion is too because he's also just been trying to live a normal boring life with his and gale's families for the last 6 months.

and now, back to gale. god he's so cute. the way he does this little bow to your tav during the ending and then they bow back. the silly indirect way he tries to propose by asking if you'll come back to waterdeep and become part of the dekarios clan. the way he says it would make tara and his mom happy if he got married and then goes "oh thank goodness!" when you say yes. the kneeling down and kissing your tav's hand after that. i had to try and get decent screenshots of that part because it was so cute:

i also tried both of the choices, between whether to move right in and settle down with him or continue traveling together, because i was initially indecisive about what would be the best/most fitting choice for my tav's character. in the travel ending, i love how gale says that even while adventuring, he's never been so relaxed and now he spends his free time writing, painting, and knitting. i also had this extremely cute dialogue at the party and now i'm wondering what the variations for each class are:

but, ultimately, after trying both and having both versions of the epilogue convo, i decided that just moving to waterdeep and living a calm life is what felt most right. i figure that what elenion needs most in their life now is stability. also, gale becoming a professor is just perfect for him and is so cute. and so is this:

see, this is why gale with a bard tav is a perfect combination: they can collaborate on their writing! anyway i love gale so much but this post is so stupidly long at this point and i need to try and wrap it up, so uhhh, what else...

tara is so cute and funny at the party, grumbling about being jealous of gale's relationship with your tav if you romanced him and then complaining that he keeps his potions in such disarray that it seems like he was raised in a barn. i also overheard her calling everyone ugly while i had speak with animals up AKJAFGHSKFG. at least half the reason why i want to do a gale origin playthrough is because i need to see more of tara.

volo claims his invitation got lost in the post. i really, really think he just was not supposed to be invited, and yet here he is! one of the first things he tells elenion is that he's gotten good at forging their signature, and then he says their success has been wonderful for his reputation. they just might be considering hiring astarion to kill him.

i did not even know jaheira had kids. i looked it up and apparently you can find her house and meet her family in the city but i just completely fucking missed that. something to keep in mind for my next playthrough!

i love that there's a whole box full of letters from people you helped throughout your journey. honestly, i wish there were a few more, specifically from characters like rolan or his siblings, isobel and aylin, omeluum and blurg, and more from the tiefling refugees in general because i love them. but the ones from alfira and dammon are so so cute. also, i got a letter from shadowheart's friend nocturne, which made me realize... i never met her and i never got the memory related to her either because i didn't know you could give shadowheart the noblestalk LMAO oops. i missed quite a few details, huh!

...and i guess that's where i'll end this post. i've been playing this game since march and i've only just finished my first playthrough, though granted there were like 3-4 whole weeks in there where waiting for a new hard drive + feeling weird from irl stuff meant i didn't really play at all. still, though, i can't wait to start back over in act 1 again! especially since, tbh, i think act 1 just might've been my favorite. i love act 2 for ketheric and isobel and aylin and a lot of other things, and act 3 honestly felt a bit messy and overwhelming but still had a lot of great moments. but there's just something i love about beginnings, and the atmosphere during act 1. so, yeah, can't wait to experience it again as a whole new character.