#i spent so long on this im not gonna be able to get enough sleep oops. Oh well

[cum-allergy]

...

[sugrhigh]

BOY NEXT DOOR 2 - ( c.s )

part one

summary- you and your roommates live beside a bunch of senior hockey players, one of them being the infamous team captain chris sturniolo. he’s effortlessly flirty and undeniably attractive, but he’s also a pain in your ass. you find that you have to fight between lust and hatred as you finally get to know the boy next door, whether you want to or not.

warnings- swearing, kissing, that’s it i think

neighbor/hockey!chris x fem!reader

a/n: PART TWOOOOO!!!! i hope u guys like this series i’m having a lot of fun with it (and s/o to my girl @cutenote for letting me use her name). self-indulged this chapter and made the reader a flyers fan so SRY but anyways, enjoy! next thing im putting out is a matt request and then i’ll be working on this series and the tattooartist!reader x matt series. if you have other reqs, questions, confessions, etc, my inbox is open 🫶🏻

@cutenote @mattsmunch @mattybsbitch @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss

your stomach flips as you stare in the mirror, twisting and turning every which way to make sure you look alright. you’re in one of chris’s jerseys, repping the scarlet and white colors of boston university, complete with the little ‘C’ emblem for captain.

he left it in your mailbox earlier on his way to the arena, demanding that you wear it instead of the BU sweatshirt you had planned on going in. so you listened to him, even though you’re not really sure why.

your hair and makeup are all done, contrary to the last time chris saw you, when you were in his house threatening to call the cops. it feels performative, getting all dressed up for something you don’t even want to go to.

but what the hell, you hadn’t seen the team play at all this year, and if you look your best you’ll feel your best. at least, that’s what you convinced yourself would happen.

“are you done up there? we need to leave, games gonna start soon!” one of your roommates calls from the living room.

you sigh and turn away from your own reflection so you can head for the stairs. cassidy and ramona are both waiting for you on the couch as you round the corner, also decked out in BU merch.

you’re just lucky you had been able to convince them both to come with you, so you don’t have to stand by yourself.

“took you long enough.” cassidy mumbles under her breath as she stretches her legs and stands up.

mona mimicks her movements, but not without shooting her a glare. “be nice, she’s obviously nervous.”

“no i’m not!” you protest, and now they both give you an eye roll as they pass you to get their coats from the closet.

“your voice just went up ten octaves.” cass snarks.

you are anxious, but it’s just because of the unknown. you still haven’t figured out what chris is angling at, besides maybe sleeping with you, which isn’t gonna happen. well, probably not at least.

no, not ever. oh my god.

“i’m not nervous. i just wish i could back out.” you double down, turning to see them both pulling on their big winter jackets.

“you used to love hockey, you just don’t like chris. one game won’t kill you.” ramona replies.

“and you also didn’t have to agree.”

this accusation makes your face flush, in embarrassment and in denial. “he wouldn’t have stopped that party if i didn’t. and you know i could never actually call the cops.”

ramona stays silent as cass laces up her shoes. “whatever you say babe. you look cute in his jersey either way.”

“cassidy!” you whine in exasperation.

“i’m honestly not sorry.”

the entire walk to the get to the game is spent harassing you, which is a solid twenty minutes because you live off campus. ramona does try to keep it to a minimum, though you can’t really blame them for the questions. you have them too.

it’s always been weird with you and chris. you hate his attitude, how people fall to his feet like he’s some sort of god. you can’t stand the way he talks to you like he can read your mind, or how you always catch him staring at your lips just so he can pretend like he wasn’t.

he does it to every girl, and you don’t know why he’s taking all of these extra steps to try and get you into bed.

maybe because you see through it, and you don’t want any part of him. he said it himself, he doesn’t want a relationship, and you’re not looking to get an STD, so you don’t know why he’s bothering.

you finally arrive at the facility, and your stomach flips. tons of people are out tonight, of course. the sun is long gone with it being winter and all, so the lights are extra overwhelming as you step inside.

you head through security and scan your passes, ones that are specifically right beside the student section in the very front. chris gifted them to you for free since you didn’t get season tickets, right by the glass so he knows where you are.

even when you were a pain in the ass and insisted you needed two more for your roommates, he made it work. it was a little impressive.

you find your seats, and the boys are already on the ice warming up. you spot chris from the jersey number, 3, and you can see his long hair poking out from underneath his helmet.

he’s focused on taking a practice shot, but as he skates by the glass afterwards you see him looking, like he isn’t sure if you showed up. but then he finds you, and you can actually see his stupid smile.

he waves, just a tiny one, before he goes right back to drills. you’re thankful he didn’t make it dramatic, because you know there’s plenty of girls in the stands who want him, and have probably already been with him.

you each take your coats off and hang them on your chairs. you know the fact that you having his last name plastered across your back doesn’t help the attention, but people can think what they want.

you don’t give a fuck. cassidy was right, it’s cuter on you anyways.

they head into the locker room quickly after your arrival, and even more people fill in to watch the show. the student section is loud as the facility finally goes dark, and the team skates back onto the ice moments later.

spotlights flood the stadium, highlighting different players as both teams line up along the neutral zone. you cheer extra loud when they announce the starting lineup and call chris’s name, even despite your vendetta against him.

no use being a shitty fan if you’re already here.

they get ready for the face off after the national anthem, and BU gets the puck. it’s back and forth for a while, and you find yourself groaning and cheering with the rest of the crowd during every play.

the first goal of the game is scored within fifteen minutes, by one of his other roommates ben, of all people. you and your friends are jumping around like maniacs, and you can see him laughing at you guys after they’re all done celebrating on the ice.

it makes you wonder if chris told them you’d be here, but you force yourself to eat the popcorn cass bought and stop thinking about it.

the second period begins and BU keeps possession for most of it, pretty much dominating their opponent. in the final thirty seconds, chris drives down the rink to score another goal.

you throw your hands up without thinking, and you let the excitement take over. “fuck yeah!”

cassidy and ramona are screaming too, shaking you by the shoulders wildly.

he comes skating over, pointing right at you as he does a lap near the student section. heads turn, and you can literally feel people staring at you now, even despite the noise and the chaos.

but you’re alive, and you can’t get enough of this environment, so you keep cheering for him regardless of the burning feeling of eyes on you.

“that was cute.” ramona nudges you with a genuine smile, and you’re fighting your own grin as you shake your head.

“whatever.”

the rest of the game is swift. your goalie makes a couple great saves, and a guy named dylan, who you’ve met before at parties, scores the final point of the night.

it just twists the knife further, because it’s a total shutout. the fans go wild as the final buzzer sounds, and you’re right there with them. you relish in the lights, the feeling.

you really did miss watching hockey in person. and you can’t even say you necessarily hate watching chris anymore. there’s just something about the way he skates, so locked in on the game.

he’s a threat, to be completely honest, and you kind of love it.

“that was fucking crazy.” cassidy is beaming happily as you guys gather your things ten minutes post-game, and ramona nods along.

“we’re gonna have to do this more often.” she glances at you with hope.

“hey, don’t look at me. i’m in it for the free tickets, and i’m not sure how long that’ll last.” you’re lying through your teeth, because you enjoyed it just as much.

but again. who knows what he’s really trying to do here.

“you could give him the benefit of the doubt.” mona suggests dryly.

“does he really deserve it? he’s going to think he’s the shit either way.” you point out, and she goes quiet.

“maybe that’s true, but i’ve never heard of him doing whatever that celebration was with other girls.” cassidy takes over, and she’s honestly check-mated you.

it is strange, because when you watched games last season, before you had chris as your neighbor, before you even really knew of him, you hadn’t ever seen that. and from current knowledge, you’re pretty sure he had a short term girlfriend during one of those months.

“touché, i guess.” you grumble, and as if right on que your phone vibrates in your pocket.

chris

wait for me, 15 mins max

ramona and cassidy take the bus home, leaving you on your lonesome as the crowd clears out slowly but surely.

you can hear girls whispering about you as they walk by, but it’s not even worth it. you’re not scared of what they have to say. maybe when you were younger, you would have reacted, but it’s just displaced jealousy anyways.

they don’t even know the truth.

finally, after what feels like a painful amount of time, you get a text from chris with directions toward the locker rooms.

it’s far more quiet now as you make your way to the ground level of the arena, headed to the section of the rink you know is closed off to pretty much everyone else. there’s a guy standing there, dressed in his black shirt with the facility logo on it.

he goes to stop you, but chris comes strutting through the hall, out of uniform now. his brown hair is all messy, and he’s dressed down in a matching black sweat set.

“she’s cool, i have a pass for her.”

he walks right up to you, looping a red lanyard over your head. his fingertips brush the skin of your neck as he collects your hair with his hands, flipping it out from underneath the string for you.

it’s a small thing. his touch is barely there, and yet it still burns.

the security guy smiles at you as you follow chris down the hall. you’ve never been back here before, and you have to admit it’s kind of cool.

you can see where the arena workers go on and off the ice, and the large garage type doors that let the zambonis in and out.

“so.” he breaks the silence, and you almost jump at the sound of his voice.

you were in your own world, and you kind of forgot what was actually going on here.

“so.” you parrot, waiting for him to continue as he leads you around a corner.

“looked like you actually had fun for once.” chris jokes, and you shove his shoulder half-heartedly.

“shut up, i’ve always liked hockey. you though? i’m not so sure.” you give him a look and he opens his mouth like he’s shocked.

“come on, i pointed you out after my goal and everything. you’re telling me you didn’t like it even a little?”

you liked it more than you care to admit, so you don’t. “it’s gonna take more than that to impress me, christopher, but i will say it was a good game.”

“you might just be our lucky charm.” chris glances at you out of the corner of the corner of his eye as he slows to a stop in front of the locker room.

you cross your arms over your chest. “now you're just patronizing me.”

“always assuming the worst.”

“well, you make it easy.” you tease.

he pauses to look down at your defensive stance, at his jersey all scrunched up around your body, and you can tell by his smirk that he’s loving it a little too much.

you clear your throat to try and alleviate some of the tension and chris snaps out of it, turning to head through the little entryway.

“i’m gonna grab my bag, don’t go anywhere.”

“you’re my ride, dumbass.” you remind him, and you hear his chuckle reverberate against the walls as he disappears.

a few players head out as you wait, ones you don’t recognize, and they nod at you politely as they chat amongst themselves. it actually takes you by surprise, but you try not to show it.

chris comes back into the hall a minute later, bag slung around his shoulder. he’s got a black bruins beanie on now, and you raise an eyebrow instinctively.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, waving his hand so you follow him further down the wide corridor.

“your hat.” you point, and he looks offended.

“what’s your problem with it?”

“not everyone who goes to school here is actually from boston, genius. i’m a flyers fan.” you smile at him sweetly, and he literally groans.

“how did i not know this?” he asks as you guys reach the door that leads to the team parking lot.

“because you don’t know me.” you reply swiftly.

chris pushes the door open and holds it for you, another move you don’t expect. “i know more than you think.”

you shiver slightly as you step past him into the cold, wrapping your coat around yourself a bit tighter.

“if it helps you sleep at night.” you chirp over your shoulder.

you know his car, a black jeep grand cherokee that you’ve always been a little jealous of, and it’s sitting in the middle of the lot. not many others are still here, and you can hear both of your feet kicking up gravel as you walk.

chris picks up his pace so he can beat you there, swinging the passenger door open before you can do it yourself.

“wow, chivalry’s not dead.” you say blankly, sliding into the seat so he can close you in.

“what can i say, i’m a real gentleman.”

the interior smells like a pine air freshener, which actually isn’t a bad touch. chris walks around so he can toss his bag in the back and get behind the wheel, starting the engine and peeling out of the spot.

it’s quiet for a moment, aside from the music, and you can’t help but peek over at him sitting across from you. the shadows accentuate his striking features as he mumbles lyrics under his breath, nodding his head along ever so slightly.

he looks pretty, and you don’t like it one bit.

“i can feel you staring at me, you know.” chris turns to glance at you for a brief moment before he puts his eyes back on the road.

it makes your palms sweat, because he caught you in the act and now there’s no shying away.

deny, deny, deny.

“just wondering why your face looks like that.”

“what, devilishly handsome?” he smirks.

“i was thinking gremlin-esque, but sure.” you deadpan, and he just shakes his head and laughs lowly.

“so scared of your own feelings. it’s cute.”

it’s a major call-out, and it normally doesn’t phase you. but tonight it’s different. he’s being so fucking strange, and it’s clearly been messing with your head.

“i’m not scared of shit, because the only thing i feel is sorry for all the girls who have actually fallen for this.” you retort, and the frustration is clear in your voice.

“other girls don’t get the princess treatment like you do.” his self-satisfied demeanor doesn’t falter for a second, even despite your low blow.

“yeah, right. i’m sure i’m really special.”

chris grips the wheel tighter as he turns onto your street, and you have to rip your eyes away from his long fingers.

“well you’re the only one who’s ever worn my jersey, so that’s something.” he admits, scratching his neck absentmindedly.

you’re not sure whether you believe it, but this time he actually does sound genuinely nervous. well, nervous for chris.

“and i wear it best too.” you brush some imaginary dust off of your shoulder as he pulls up into his driveway and puts the car in park.

“won’t argue on that one.” he shrugs, shooting you an easy grin.

“that’s surprising.”

you step back out into the crisp night air, slamming the door shut behind you. you meet chris at the front of the car and try to move around him, headed for your own place.

he takes a step to block you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “where are you going?”

you put some distance between your bodies, because he’s once again too close for comfort, and it’s hard to focus on your words when he’s inches from your face.

“home, obviously.”

“why? i thought we were going to hang out.” he frowns.

“nothing good ever happens in your house past nine p.m.”

this makes him smirk. “very good things happen in that house past nine p.m.”

“your charm is irresistible, truly.” you bite back sarcastically, maneuvering around him as you try to ignore the fire burning in your stomach.

you’ve only taken two steps before chris grabs your arm, pulling you back into his chest quickly. his other hand goes to hold the side of your face, tangling in your hair as he leans in close.

his lips ghost over yours, just barely. you can smell the cologne he must have put on after the game, can feel his slight stubble scratching your face, and it’s all too much.

you haven’t been kissed in so long, and right now it doesn’t matter that it’s chris, and that it goes against everything you stand for. your eyes flutter closed and you fill the gap, pressing your mouth against his hard.

it shocks him, so much so that he almost forgets how to do this properly. chris can taste your berry chapstick, and your lips are so much fucking softer than he even imagined.

his tongue slides against yours skillfully, deepening the kiss as he presses his body flush against yours. you can feel his thumb brushing your cheek as your mouths clash together continuously. its passionate and angry and intense, and you can’t believe it’s happening.

why is this happening?

the thought snaps you out of it, and you put your hand on his chest to force him away roughly. chris is surprised, and you’re both slack-jawed and breathing heavily as your body tries to catch up with your brain.

“i…i’m gonna go.” you mumble quietly, because you have no idea what else to say.

“or you could stay.”

“i don’t want to.”

“you’re a terrible liar.” he counters, and you can see how raw and red his lips are even in the moonlight.

you shake your head and turn toward your own front porch. it’s too hard to continue meeting his fiery gaze, because he’s looking at you like he actually needs you.

“goodnight, chris.”

“this isn’t over, you know. one day you’ll finally admit it.” he calls after you, and you don’t gratify him with a response.

there’s nothing that’ll change his mind, especially after you had actually caved in during that moment of weakness. it was so unwarranted, and you’re angry that kissing him didn’t feel as wrong as it should have.

you take the steps two at a time and hurry through the door, closing it behind you and pressing your back to the wood.

your fingers dance across your lips, and you swear you can still feel his mouth on yours.

[lubrumalis]

I know you've already glossed over how simon would be with a partner and what kind of person he would need. but would you be able to go more in depth about what type of person you think he'd be interested in? what kind of person do you think would suit him best?

ghosts ideal type

who would this man be interested in?

first of all, i think ghost isn’t blinded by physical attraction. of course everyone has their preferences when it comes to height, weight, etcetc but i really dont think ghost cares. at least for 2009 ghost, hes a gentleman who doesn’t judge others. tall? short? fat? skinny? ugly? pretty? he doesn’t give a fuck. i think 2009 ghost is very attracted to kindness and compassion for others, leading him to have a soft spot. in the end i think he’d be very interested in someone who constantly is on the lookout for others and is very independent. in the comic hes always the one saving others and taking that responsibility, so he finds it nice when theres someone out there thats similar. hes the typa guy to fall for the girl next door whos constantly smiling, but knows how to playfully banter with him.

i highly doubt ghost would ever be attracted to someone in tf141 or working with him in the military… since to him work is work. there are also no females in the SAS (its true!) with only 2 passing pre selection in 2021, meaning ghost would have little exposure to working with female teammates. even if there is, it would be a huge slow burn romance imo.

also on the enemies to lovers thing—i dont see that happening. reboot ghost gives the vibes of a man who’d lowkey do that at first, but itd never happen. ghost is a simple man when it comes to relationships: i like you + you like me = mutual feelings. he wouldn’t get the whole ‘i kind of hate you because im pissed at you but also find you attractive’ trope. in fact he’d find it really annoying. he was already betrayed by his soldier teammates once, hes not gonna take it well if someone on his team suddenly gets aggressive towards him in the name of 'attraction'.

ghost isn’t shallow. but he would want his partner to be clean of drugs, have basic hygiene, and dress cutely from time to time. stuff like big ass and big boobs with an hourglass isn’t of his concern at all. in the comic he was in this bar full of prostitutes with his team, every soldier was enjoying their time with a girl—except ghost. he even told a prostitute to go fuck off when she got too touchy. so this can prove hes really not that hypersexual.

traits s/o needs

someone independent. they can cook, clean, live on their own for long periods of time. ghost is a soldier, meaning his schedule is different from most men. hes deployed for sometimes 6 months at a time, so his s/o needs to be content with living alone for long periods of time. the fact ghost is also deployed in active war zones and literal deserts while surviving on 5 hours of sleep, means he cant text or call daily either. this person can’t think that ghost is being distant or not loving them enough, its simply the life of a top tier SAS soldier. ghost doesn’t want this to happen either, but the person must be able to feel secure and independent without him… this also means knowing the possibility ghost could die at any point during his deployment.

someone who values acts of service. first of all, ghost has had a lot of people disappoint him in his life. general shepherd, his american teammates during the mission to destroy roba, and his dad. id argue his brother tommy too (used to be an addict), though its not disappointment its moreso “im not happy you’re on drugs”. ghost needs someone who does things for him that proves trustworthiness and loyalty. small things, like taking care of him when hes sick and preparing a warm meal when he comes back from the freezing outside. id imagine ghost does the same for his partner.

someone with good and strict morales. ghost is a good guy, and we know it. he prevented a girl from getting sexually assaulted, spent years guiding his drug addict brother into rehab, and will just punch about anyone who he thinks is pure evil. even after months of brainwashing and torture done by roba, when every american special forces soldier gave in, ghost didnt. he needs someone similar—morales they will never break … ever. even when tortured.

[wembleygoodboy]

Wembley, may I ask where you got your name? Were you named after the puppet?

itis actuolly kindof a Lomg Storey, so iwill let dadmom tellit! 😊👍 (it also doubols as My Orogin Storey!)

[story time! this is gonna be a long one, so strap in, ahaha

so, i went to college for music (education and performance; flute performance, specifically. i can wipe my ass w that degree now tho lol), so i was in a couple different ensembles at any given time. in 2013, we were playing a multi-movement piece called "3 Ayres from Gloucester" by Hugh Stuart. the 3rd movement is called "The Fiefs of Wembley." you can listen to a performance of it here. wembley is apparently a location within london. think "wembley stadium!"

i always joked with my fellow flutist friend (we'll call her M) who i shared a stand with that Wembley sounded like the name of a mischievous cat. "wembley get off the counter!!!" "UGH NO why always on the carpet, wembley?!" etc. it helped that the tune itself totally sounds like the theme song of a somewhat skittish yet naughty little cat, parading around causing chaos until he's spotted, then darting away.

on october 3rd, 2013, i came into rehearsal and find M looking pretty distraught. i ask whats up, and shes like "i think i saw a kitten in the middle of the club lawn, it was just laying there, maybe its hurt, idk what to do!" im like okay lets check it out together, and our conductor (huge sweetheart) gives us the okay to go investigate.

sure enough, theres a tiny black blob just laying there in the middle of the lawn; not hidden away in the bushes where a mama cat wouldve left him. as we approached, the blob got up and awkwardly darted away towards the lil decorative pine shrubs dividing the lawn from a small parking lot. we followed it, and there he was: a small black kitten, crouched in terror, hiding in the shelter of the shrubbery.

i dont remember when exactly it happened, but it suddenly dawned on me. i turned to my friend. "M... its WEMBLEY..."

we tried to coax him out to no avail- not even food would persuade him, and he looked very thin- and he was a bit too close to the road for our comfort, so i asked my roommate to keep an eye on the lil guy while M and i went back to rehearsal. after it ended, we recruited a small gaggle of band geeks to capture the kitten. it was the bassoon player who finally caught him, plucking him out of a miniature shrub he'd tried to climb.

i swaddled wembley up in a black bandana i kept in my back pocket (for the Fashion™️), hopped into my roommate's car with my stuff, and headed back with my roommate to our little on-campus apartment. as i stood in the living room, waiting for him to bring our stuff from the car, wembley began to purr in my arms :,)

(to be fair, cats may purr to self-soothe when theyre stressed; its not exclusively an indicator of pleasure. but. Still, lol.)

turns out lil wembley was only a month old: just old enough for solid food, thankfully, but much younger than the age at which kittens are generally separated from their mothers for adoption, which generally occurs after 3 months. he also had a sprained leg, which made walking very difficult and painful for him. the leg was likely the reason he was abandoned by his feral mother, as if he couldnt keep up, she couldnt afford to stop for him when she likely had a whole litter to care for. understandable, but her loss was my (and wembley's!) gain. 💚

i had to tame him, as he was feral, and EXTREMELY fearful of humans, but i spent hours that night sitting on the opposite side of the bathroom, slowly earning his trust until, little by little, i was able to scoot close enough to him to pet him. he'd obviously never been petted before; the look on his little face was pure magic. he completely opened up to me after that moment.

i totally had myself fooled, thinking id find a home for him once his leg was all healed up (my vet major pal showed me how to make him a splint), but... then he started sleeping with me and... well..... yeah. nope. he was my son, and i was his dadmom.

and i always will be. 💚

BONUS PICTURES:

the first picture i ever took of Wembley (thats the bottom of a red solo cup i sewed fabric around so he could drink water from it without risking him getting cut on the plastic):

baby's first petting 💚:

he relaxed a lot after discovering the joy of Petting :)

settling down for his first night with us, too sleepy for this world 💚:

days later, with his lil foot in a splint, sitting in his temporary makeshift litterbox. the Poopie Prince!

...TL;DR, its the name of a part of london, and i chose it because of an instrumental piece of music. coulda just said that, i suppose, but I'll ALWAYS jump at the chance to tell wembley's Origin Story and share baby pics, ahaha 💚

-dadmom]

[dazaicg]

☽｡⋆ finally feels like home.

cw: drug mentions. but mainly just a little aizawa drabble :)

════════════════════ ⋆★⋆

aizawa can feel exhaustion nestled deep inside his bones as he walks up the stairs to his apartment.

he’s been away from home for almost 5 days. 5 long, excruciating days. he was assigned to spy on and take down a drug ring, and to properly infiltrate, he had to stay with the gang the whole time— which meant no going home, and hardly any sleep since all of his time alone had to be spent gathering intel.

once he had enough information the police and a few other underground hero’s were able to perform the bust, which was successful, thank god.

the lack of sleep and the weighing stress was definitely starting to get to him, though— and not being able to regress at all for 5 days was weighing on him the most.

obviously he couldn’t let his guard down while infiltrating the gang, so he had no time to be small, and he was definitely starting to feel it.

fuzziness was beginning to creep into the edges of his mind, forcefully holding it back for so long only making the urge stronger and harder to ignore. all of the stress he’s been under has just been making the need to regress even worse, just wanting to be small and forget about everything to get some relief (and sleep) for once.

he’s almost regretting letting mic convince him to regress nightly— it was helpful, he would admit, but when it’s forcefully taken away it just makes it 10x harder than it would’ve been before.

he finally makes it to his apartment though, and he takes out his keys and fumbles for the right one for a second before he hastily sticks it in the lock and turns it.

he walks into the apartment, dropping his bag and taking his shoes off as quickly as he can so he can be comfortable. but he then hears movement on the other side of the room, so he looks up, and sees mic sitting up with wide eyes as his book he was seemingly reading lays face down beside him.

“sho?” he says quietly, standing up. he then runs over to him, embracing him tightly as he strokes his hair softly. finally seeing mic again after so many days of no contact makes him release tension he didn’t even realize he had built up as the fuzziness in his brain just gets even stronger. “i missed you so much, sweetheart…”

the nickname is the last nail in the coffin, and aizawa immediately slips. it’s almost crazy how fast he slipped once he finally felt safe and comfortable, and all of the stress and tension that’s built up fades away in an instant.

“‘zashi.. missed you,” he mumbles into his chest, melting into his arms. he can feel zashi smile into his hair, and he kisses the top of his head.

“i missed you too baby,” he says with a smile, and he easily picks up aizawa and carries him back towards the couch he was previously sitting on. he sits aizawa in his lap, and they continue to hug, neither of them wanting to let go after being apart for so long. “i bet it was hard to avoid slipping for so long, huh? you did so well for me though, im glad you’re finally home..”

aizawa nods in confirmation, laying on zashis chest and closing his eyes as he enjoys the warmth of his embrace. his thumb begins to subtly move closer to his mouth, the urge to suck on a soother also very strong now that he’s feeling so tiny. zashi of course notices this, and smiles as he passes him a paci that was sitting on the end table. “don’t suck on your thumb silly, you’re gonna get sick.”

they don’t say anything more for a while, cuddling silently on the couch as they soak up eachothers presence. after a while, zashi begins to read again, softly speaking the words outloud to aizawa as he sucks on his paci. the soft words mixed with the warmth of zashis embrace and the soothing almost immediately puts him to sleep— the first actual restfull sleep he’s gotten in days.

he’s really glad to be home.

════════════════════ ⋆★⋆

dazaicg © do not repost my works.

[iamawolfstarsimp]

Sup bitches im back

decided to throw out a cute lil unprompted summer fluffy fic for ya'll (cause who doesn't love those)

hope you guys' first week of 2024 has been good!

So yeah enjoy

Summer break was probably Sirius' favorite time of year. Which was funny to him because he remembered a time when he hated summer break.

Hogwarts was the first place that truly felt like home to him, so departing from that place was devastating. Ever since he had separated himself from his family and the god-awful house and spent summer break with James, it had been amazing.

He could go and do whatever he wanted in town, got three delicious meals everyday, and spent all of his time with his best friend.

It just got even better when Remus was allowed to spend summer with them as well. When Sirius first got word that Remus would on fact be spending summer with them, he anxiously waited everyday for any letter from Remus.

After what felt like forever, Mr. Potter was sent a letter and instructed to go and get Remus to bring him to the house safely. Sirius spent the whole morning waiting excitedly (which included looking out the front window every two minutes, bouncing his leg, and immediately jumping up when he heard a noise outside), much to James' amusement.

When Remus did show up, it didn't budge Sirius' newfound excitement to show Remus everything they did for fun at the Potter's. He spent the whole day dragging Remus around town showing him all the shops they went to, the mini quittitch pitch James had in his backyard, all the many rooms in the large house, introducing him to the house elves, and helping him unpack. Remus was tired but enthusiastic.

This particular evening, Sirius and James had pleaded long and hard enough to James' mum that she had let them sleep outside under the stars. Peter had brought two large sleeping bags that they would share, two in each bag and they all camped out, listening to Sirius point out all the different stars and constellations.

"-oh, and, the "star" next to the moon isn't actually a star, it's Venus." He said, folding his arms behind his head after pointing to Venus.

"Wow. How did you learn so much about astronomy?" Remus asked, probably the only on actually paying attention because he could distinctly hear Peter and James quietly giggling from their sleeping bag.

"It's one of the things mum wanted me and Regulus to know a bunch about. Partially because a lot of the black family names have to do with astronomy." Sirius shrugged.

"I think it's cool that you know so much about the stars and stuff." Remus answered quietly, sensing Sirius' embarrassment.

"Heh, thanks." Sirius smiled at him. Remus could faintly see the blush dusting Sirius' cheeks.

"Don't go shy on me now, that's my thing." Remus poked Sirius in the side. Sirius grinned and batted his hand away.

"Oh, what's this?" Remus grinned back, his grin meaning something different than Sirius' though.

"S-stohop!" Sirius giggled when Remus continued his poking, using his other hand as well.

"Be quiet, you're gonna wake up the others." Remus scolded.

"They're already awake!" Sirius kicked out, aiming for Remus' shins. Remus laughed and kicked back, poking anywhere he could reach.

Sirius rolled away but only ended up tangling himself and Remus in the sleeping bag. They both giggled as they rolled across the ground before bumping into James and Peter's bag.

James grunted. "What are you two idiots doing?"

"He's killing me!!" Sirius shouted, grappling with Remus' hands.

"He's fine!" Remus laughed along with Sirius.

Soon enough after hearing Sirius' complaint, James came crawling out of his own sleeping bag to help mess with Sirius.

"Noooo!" Sirius groaned as James crawled into the sleeping bag with the other two, smushing Sirius between Remus and himself.

Sirius was lost in his own mirth as James and Remus tormented him, not being able to cover up or protect himself wasn't helping.

Some time after James had joined them, Peter also crawled inside but mostly kept to himself and laughed at their antics.

"-stop stop stop stop, ple-hehehe-please!" Sirius had given up on trying to fight back and put all his efforts in curling into a ball.

James and Remus backed off, letting him breathe. Sirius immediately unfurled himself and attacked Remus though, digging into the werewolves' ribs. Remus yelped in alarm and burst out laughing, throwing his head back and squirming away from Sirius.

Peter and James laughed as well, joining in on playfully torturing the next victim. After a few minutes of tickling though, Remus managed to crawl out of the sleeping bag and run away from the others.

Sirius immediately hopped up chasing after him, James hot on his trail. Peter stayed where he was, watching the whole scene go down.

Remus (for once in his life) thanked his werewolf abilities which enabled him to see in the dark and run faster than the average teenage boy.

He out-ran the other two boys til they got tired and trudged back to their little camp. Too tired to actually tuck himself in, Remus plopped down on top of the other sleeping bag next to Sirius who was panting.

James was the first to speak. "I hope we spend every summer like this."

"Of course we will." Sirius nudged him. "We're marauders. We'll always stick together, no matter what."

Even though Sirius' mini speech was sappy, Remus quietly hoped that Sirius was right. He couldn't imagine summer any other way.

Hope you liked

[mothgodofchaos]

Can we get a part 3 to the Anti x DA reader series where they meet Dark

Cracks

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Antisepticeye x DA!GN!Reader, TW: gun, knife, panic attacks, murderous intent, screaming, unrealistic injury (shattering), confrontation Words: 1623

It’s been quite a while since Anti initially brought you into the technological realm, slowly helping you regain your strength to exist outside of possessing an object. He found an abandoned office building, allowing you to have space to work on your movement in peace. A computer was never too far away, allowing him to link you back into the internet and give you back your energy. He held your hands as you learned to walk in a body again, even if it’s not yours. You tried to ask him how he knew the possession ritual would work, but he avoided the subject each time it was broached.

Soon enough, you were sparring with him, learning how to wield a knife properly as you went down to the shooting range to practice your gun skills again. You knew you had to train yourself, certainly if you wanted to carry out what you had been planning.

You were going to get your body back. 

Anti was cautious to assist you with your murderous plans, trying to be a supportive boyfriend. Obviously, he hates Dark’s guts for his own reasons. But that made him want to do nothing more than just stabbing the man. Just to be a pain. But he knows that this battle is not his, not his anger. All he could do in the meantime is just get you whatever you need, and hold you as another panic attack wracks through your body. The memories are getting less frequent, your emotions becoming more numb to your past. Your heart still beats out of your chest when looking at a broken mirror, but you’ve been able to work through a fair amount of the trauma. 

Soon, it’s the day you will go out. Go out and hunt your prize.

Using your skills acquired from Anti, you search the internet, looking for any sign of Dark. You know how to look, peering into the deep recesses of the internet, where only people who have something to hide go. Pictures, blog posts, supernatural tracking websites. Anything that may lead you to where he could be. Anti has to pull you away from the search engines every once in a while to get you to eat and sleep, holding you while he takes care of you.

“Mo ghra, I don’t want t’is t’ consume ye. I know yer angry, but I wanna make sure t’is is gonna fix t’ings, not make ‘em worse.”

“I- I have to hope it will. I spent so long being broken and angry. This has to fix everything. He ruined my life! I spent over a century in a broken mirror because of him! He deserves to feel pain.” “Alright. T’ough… if ye stab ‘im t’ kill ‘em, wouldn’t t’at mean t’at when ye get yer body back, ye’ll have a stab wound?”

By his own admittance, he’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he does have a point. You glance over at your stash of weapons over the lip of your plate, now forced to think about how you want to go about this. So much of the past few months has just been a fever dream, on a one track mindset on the goal you hope to achieve. 

“Fuck…” “I just don’t want ye gettin’ hurt. More t’an ye already have. I care too much…”

Anti’s arms wrap around you a bit tighter, kissing the top of your head. It’s hard not to acknowledge that you’ve been worrying him, he just hasn’t been bringing it up because he doesn’t want to upset you. He’s learned that once you set your mind to something, it’s very difficult to talk you out of it. It was this determination that helped you become a district attorney in the first place. Maybe if you had been less stubborn, you never would have met Damien. He never would have hurt you. Betrayed you. But you also wouldn’t be here today with Anti. 

“I know. And I’m sorry I’ve been worrying you. I just-” “-want t’is t’ be over wit’. I know.” He finishes your apology, one you’ve repeated plenty when you notice his anxieties growing again. This is such a big task that you’re planning, you both know that the anxieties overall will only alleviate once it’s done. A ping goes off at the search engine, alerting the both of you. You scramble up, looking at what popped up. A location. His location. 

“We found him…”

Anti approaches slowly behind you, resting a hand on your shoulder as you both stand in shock.

“Are ye ready fer t’is?”

“I have to be.”

He turns you to look at him, kissing you as a comfort for both of you. You grab your weapons, hiding them on your body as you shake yourself out. Anti just waits for you, holding out his hand before you take it, and glitch to the location. 

You zap out of a wall outlet, taking a moment to grasp your surroundings and regain your footing. Anti squeezes your hand, here for nothing but support but it’s clear he’s getting more nervous by the minute. Then the ringing hits both of your ears, causing Anti to let go of your hand, covering his ears as they’re far more sensitive. You rub his shoulder, looking around for Dark. About twenty yards away, you spot him sitting at a fountain, unaware of your presence. You stalk out of the alley, vision narrowing as you have him finally in your sights.

“Damien!”

Dark looks up, alarmed. You seethe, the ground around you beginning to crack. It takes a moment for him to recognize you, something you didn’t account for when you possessed a new body. But as soon as it clicks, his eyes go from alarm to regret. 

“Darling, I didn’t kno-” “You abandoned me! I was stuck in that godforsaken mirror for a century, Damien! Your “darling” died on that day.”

“-w you were alive. I thought she killed you…”

Dark stands up from his spot sitting on the edge of the fountain, moving away from the growing cracks in the concrete. If you were facing Anti, you’d see his growing fear and concern at the massive cracks originating from your feet. You pause, pulled out of your anger as you look at Dark in disbelief, shaking yourself out of it, refusing to believe that he’s telling the truth.

“Liar! You could’ve stopped her! You knew better than to leave me behind! I thought you loved me!”

Your voice cracks, something you had been afraid of. Your eyes sting, fighting back tears as you try to keep your composure from breaking.

“I do love you. I never stopped. Darling, I’m so sorry. I went back, and you weren’t there. The mirror, it was gone. I’ve been looking for you, all this time.”

Your chest burns, clutching your chest as it aches. It’s painful, sharp and jagged. Then it feels like something snaps, shatters, and you can’t breathe. Anti is at your side in an instant, growling up at Dark as he attempts to step closer. You’re helped onto the ground, Anti holding you so you don’t fully collapse on him. There’s a brief look of anger on Dark’s face, before he realizes why Anti is here. He goes through his own range of emotions, watching you gasp for air on the ground. Within twenty minutes, not only has he found out you’re alive, but you hate his guts, and you’re potentially dating one of his rivals. All he can do is stand there, watching in horror, praying to whatever deities that exist that you will be okay. 

You can’t pull your hand from your chest, and you hear a crunch. Air fills your lungs again, but something feels wrong. You move your shirt out of the way, seeing a shattered hole over your heart. Anti panics, trying to get you to lay down on the ground as he investigates. He’s heavily out of his element, trying to stop or fix whatever has happened. He moves your shirt more, and the crack spreads. 

“Anti, Anti stop. Leave it alone, we have to get them out of here. Out of the public eye.”

“Yer t’e one t’at broke ‘em in t’e first place! Ye weren’t t’ere t’ hold ‘em as t’ey cried, shakin’ in fear because o’ what ye did!”

Dark steps back again, looking at the two of you. He looks horrified, the pain he’s caused you perhaps finally settling in, clicking into place. It takes a second, before he just nods his head at the two of you.

“I want to fix things now, please let me help. I won’t let them stay broken again. Not because of me.”

Anti growls again, only stopping when you reach up to gently hold his face. Tears threaten to roll down his cheeks as he looks down at you. Not a single blow was exchanged yet his worst fear happened. He looks at you as you nod, rubbing your thumb against his cheek.

“It’s okay, baby. Let him help. I won’t make you go.” “I’m not leavin’ yer side. Don’t ye t’ink I would, even fer a second.” “Then if that’s what they want, follow me.” Anti stands up, holding you bridal style in his arms. Dark walks quickly, even with his cane. The three of you turn a corner, back into the darker alley you emerged from. “Where t’e fuck are we going!?” Shadows pool at Dark and Anti’s feet, creating a circle around you. “Where I should have brought them in the first place. Home.”

The three of you disappear into the shadows beneath, leaving nothing but the cracks in the concrete behind.

[alba8688]

Love hurts

Chapter 36

Warnings:smut,pnv unprotected sex if I miss anything let me know please ..

Word count:7824

Eddie's pov

Authors note

Smutty Smut mentions the f word Fa g just letting you all know and is a really long chapter so get your snacks and enjoy and hope you like it .

March 12

Eddie’s pov

Im laying here in bed in Dani's room

Waiting for it to be midnight to wish a  happy birthday to my beloved Dani .

She was peacefully sleeping after the good Dinner we had a while ago with her mom and uncle Wayne.

Mrs.Henderson was actually really happy about us being in a relationship,but at the same

She was worried because we started dating while she was a teacher .

But Dani assured her that she didn't know I was  her student that we had actually met the day she arrived at Hawkins at The Hideout .

Which she put one and one together realizing that the was the reason she got home

The day after because she spent the night with me.

Wayne was happy as well, especially because he had somebody else that knew about our secret .

We even told her Hopper knew about us ,we didn't tell her how he found out ,that'll be really embarrassing.

But we where just glad we where able to finally be able to be together as a couple that the world would know she was mine and I was hers .

I didn't care what people would say or think about our relationship, the only people that matter were our family and our closest friends.

The rest of the town can kiss my ass.

——————-

Dinner was delicious. Mrs.Henderson had made beef stroganoff with mushrooms with garlic bread on the side .

Everything was so fucking delicious. I could get use to eating like this other than my regular spaghetios or microwaveable dinner Wayne and I used to have. Mrs.Henderson even gave Wayne food to go ,which made my uncle super excited because he didn't have to make himself food in the morning .

She gave him more than enough.

Dustin was really talkative today ,he even told us about the time he followed me all the way to Dani's apartment and how he found out about us.I'm glad he didn't say or maybe he didn't hear what we were doing before he got there .

I was glad for that because I wouldn't want our parental units to hear about our sex life ,which was great can't complain about the best sex ever.

Damn I miss that apartment ,I miss being with Dani alone, our movie nights ,being with her  everyday without being interrupted ,so that's why today I decided I'm going  to ask her to move in with me to my trailer while her house is finished .

I couldn't be away from her and Nate another day ,I looked at my phone to check the time .

"11:55 pm" I said softly

5 more minutes for her birthday .

I got up from bed slowly trying not to wake her and went to Dustin's room to get one of her presents .

When I walk into Dustin's room Nate and him  were asleep so I try to be as quiet as possible and got the gift from his closet that I had hid there so Dani wouldn't find it.

After getting the gift i went back to Dani's room and placed the gift next to her ,I also had gotten her some flowers but those where for tomorrow for her party,I kind of also had gotten her more gifts even though she told me not to spend too much money on her ,but I did spend too much money on her and I honestly didn't care .

I had to spoil her like she spoils me ,I mean she got me the most expensive chain I've ever had and I take care of it with my life and wear it every single day even to go to sleep .

I might have gone a little Bit overboard with her gifts but she deserves nothing but the best.

You know that money I had saved for the road trip I might have gotten from there to buy her all her gifts.

I know already she was gonna kill me for spending too much money on her but again I don't care I want to spoil her as much as I can.

I might not be able to afford something as expensive as she buys for me .

But one day I promise I'll buy her everything that she deserves and even more.

My watch beep meaning The clock hit midnight ,I lay back down next to Dani, turning her around slightly to face me wrapping my arms around her waist .

"Happy birthday Sweetheart." I whisper on her ear sweetly

"Mmm." She hum

"Happy birthday Dani ,happy birthday Dani ." I started singing to her in her ear .

"Thank you baby ." She said sleepily

"I have something for you ." I whisper

"Huh?" She opened one eye to look at me ,even without makeup she was the most beautiful girl ever. She was my Angel .

Fuck she had me stupidly in love with her.

I reached over the nightstand to get the gift bag and handed it to her .

She sits up with her back against the headboard ,my eyes on her waiting patiently for her to open the gift and also I'm a bit distracted by her being completely naked right next to me .

Her breast on full display and the freshly made love marks from before we went to sleep .

I watch her pull out a small box out of the gift bag .

She opens it slowly to reveal a key inside .

"A key?" She grabs it and looks at me dangling the keys on her hand .

"Yeah,a key to my house ." I say softly my heart was starting to beat irregularly .

"So I get to go in whenever I want?" She ask with a big smile

"Or maybe you can move in with me ."I blurted , Her eyes were wide, her mouth half open.

"Move in with you ?"

"Yes ,you and Nate ,I-I already talk to Wayne and he is ok with everything." I told her stuttering like an idiot.I think I started sweating. Maybe it was hot in here, maybe it was just me getting nervous for her answer .

She looks down at the key then back at me .

"I mean this took me by surprise but you already know my answer baby ." She smiles at me.

"So you move in with me ?" I tilted my head to look at her.

"Yes, but if it's ok with Wayne I mean it's Nate Ozzy and me."

"Sweetheart I already talk to him and he is 

ok with it ." She smiles and nods "so is that a yes?"

"Yes ,I'll move in with you ,but the first thing we are doing is changing that mattress. I don't want to see the  stains of your one night stands to be a reminder that you've been with other girls that weren't me because that makes me so mad  ." She scrunches her nose, crossing her arms over her chest .

"Baby ,you can do whatever you want at my house ." I tell her kissing her forehead.I know she can be pretty jealous ,but it's ok cause I think I'm worse than she is .

"You're gonna regret that ."She moves over to sit on my lap .

"And why is that ?"

"Because you said I could Do whatever I want at your house ."She kisses my lips and my expression changes, realizing what I just said .

"Oh no ,please don't put up the Christmas tree already ." I chuckled

"Noo,that's until November Dummy." She giggle

"I thought it was October when you put it ?" Remembering what Liam Had told me.

"Not anymore ." She Pecks my lips"now can you shut up and Fuck me ." She says in the most  sexiest voice that sends shivers all over my body and she doesn't have to tell me twice cause I was already hard since I woke her up and saw her breast .

"Your wish is my command Darling ."I lift her up a little and align her with my length she looks at me with her half hooded eyes and biting her bottom lip and slowly slides down my length making the sensation feeling incredible and totally forgetting that I was at her mothers house  I let out a loud moan and Dani started chuckling.

"You think that's funny huh?" I said in a low and sultry voice and thrusting up.

She let out the most pornographic moan that got me even more harder if that was even possible .

She immediately raised her hand to her mouth and put her hand on my chest stopping me  "Eddie?"she said breathlessly looking at me she started moving at her own slow pace driving me crazy little by little ,."yes...baby ?" I managed to answer ,but how was I supposed to talk when she was making me feel so damn good the way she moved her hips in circular motion I didn't think I was on this planet anymore I was in heaven ,my eyes roll To the back of my head .

Was now biting my lips to stop the moans coming out of my mouth "I-I want to tell everyone tomorrow at the pool party."she tells me bringing me to reality and she changes her movements starting to jump up and down my legnth making it harder for me to answer the only thing that came out was a groan .

"Ok." I said gripping on her thighs tightly .Fuck she was gonna make me bust right here .

She closes the gap between us kissing me sloppily .

"Are you ok with that ?" She ask

"Mhmm." Was the only thing that came out ,I wasn't thinking straight right now .

I think I was melting with the way she made me feel that way her walls felt in my dick it was an amazing euphoric feeling .

Her wetness in my length  made it easier for me to go in and out without any problem. She was always so ready for me and yeah I let that go to my head .

"Eddie ,oh fuck Ed's"she moaned jumping faster making her breast bounce right in my face ,shit I was in heaven right now .

"Cum." I growled leaning in to suck on that soft spot she loves so much.

And just like that I felt all the wetness from her orgasm dripping down all over my length .

I continue my thrusting helping her ride her orgasm feeling myself getting closer and just like that my orgasm hit me hard moaning loudly, she kisses my lips muffling my moans .

"Happy birthday sweetheart ."

We stayed in the same position for I don't know how long until she finally decided to stand up slowly and peck my lips before she left to go clean herself in the bathroom and brought me a towel to clean myself .

She came back to bed resting her head on my chest and entangling her legs in mine .

"Happy birthday sweetheart ." I whisper before both drifting to sleep .

Morning ....

"Happy birthday mommy !!!" Nate Jumped on top of us in the bed followed by Ozzy who immediately makes himself comfortable on top of Dani.

"Ozzy ." Dani's whines sleepily

I don't even know what time it was but I could see that it was still dark outside.

"Thank you baby ." Dani rasp "come to bed with us." She said sleepily

"Ok,but I want to sleep next to Eddie ." Nate yawns and climbs off the bed coming to my side to laid down picking up the blanket to cover himself.

"Eddie ." He says softly

"Yes buddy ?" I respond sleepily, " Why aren't you wearing clothes ?" Nate asks ,I immediately open my eyes realizing I was butt naked and so was Dani due to one of the birthday presents I gave Dani last night .

"Umm...I ...yeah...I was hot ." Was everything I said"could you turn around buddy so I can change." Nate rolls his eyes and turns around crossing his arms over his chest .

"Tell mommy to put some clothes on too ." Ok ,I have never been more embarrassed in my whole entire life .

Dani got up wrapping herself in a blanket and walked to the restroom chuckling to herself .

"I'm laying down now " Nate tells me, he had his dragon plushie I had gotten for him for his birthday .

I was glad he liked it .

I put on my boxers and a shirt  and checked my phone for the time it was 4am .

"Damn is to fucking early ." I groaned, flopping down in the bed next to Nate .

"Language ." Nate said sleepily

"Sorry buddy ." After a few minutes all I heard  was the small snores of Nate and Ozzy .

How can he go to sleep so fast?

I'm glad Dani had a king size bed because I don't know how we were all going to fit here .

Ozzy was in the far corner then it was Nate then myself .

Dani came out of the bathroom after a few minutes wearing my Dio Shirt and some small shorts and lay down next to me, her being the big spoon, because Nate wanted me to cuddle him .

Just by Dani Hugging me made me feel so comfortable that I fell asleep fast hugging Nate and Ozzy .

-Time skip afternoon-

So short story short we slept more than we were supposed to by waking up at 10am.

I was supposed to meet Harrington at 8am and  I know he wasn't going to be too happy about me being late because the party was starting  at 3 ,but as soon as I checked my phone I had so many missed calls from Harrington.

We were supposed to pick up the cake at the bakery and the balloons at the party place .

I had gotten her red and black balloons because I knew that was her two favorite colors ,I also knew she like hot pink but I couldn't find a hot pink fucking balloon all the pink balloons had Barbie's or other princess shit .

So instead I got her a big latex balloon that said Happy birthday.

They gave us the option of picking up

The balloons the day of the party which it was fine because I had nowhere to hide them .

Harrington had me buy a shit load of balloons  I don't know for what but I still did .

The cake I chose if something more

Her style and her two favorite colors red and black I really hope she did like it as much as I did .

Little Henderson was the one that woke me up first getting after  me saying that Steve has been calling me and other shit .

But I mean who wants to start getting ready for a fucking party  so early in the fucking morning .

Yeah .Harrington does .

But I don't know why he worried so much if we had already paid for the balloons and the cake. I just had to go pick them up .

Shit I also forgot I had to go buy the food as well. I had placed an order for a bunch of Chinese food.I got Dani's favorite chicken fried rice ,jalapeño chicken and other things as well. I was also getting pizza for the people that didn't like Chinese .

"Hurry up!!"I got a text message from

Dustin .

Jesus Christ !!

I could hear him screaming even through text.

I got up fast putting my clothes on and before  leaving I left a note for Dani,and placed a kiss on Dani's lips. I can't leave without my kiss.

But we aren't telling that to anyone because that's not metal at all .

I walked out of the room without making any noise and didn't want to wake Dani up nor Nate .

I heard Ozzy yawning and I turned to look at him and he started wagging his tail .

"Ozzy be a  good boy ok ." I whispered and got out of the room fast. .

On my way out I saw Dani's mom making breakfast.

"Good-morning sweetie  ."

"Good-morning Mrs.Henderson ." She hands me a cup Of coffee and a brown bag to go

"What's this ?"

"Breakfast to go Dusty is already waiting for you in your van ." She tells me sweetly

"Thank you ." I gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving

She was the nicest lady ever ,she fucking made me breakfast, I ran out of there before I started crying .

And yeah there was Henderson sitting down inside my van giving me a death stare .

I hop on the driver side Henderson giving me a side eye .

"Little Henderson I'm sorry ."

"We are late, we were supposed to do so many things but you'd decided to sleep in ." He crosses his arms over his chest shaking his head

"I'm sorry it was late ." I smile remembering the night before ,fuck it was an amazing night for sure .

"Yeah ,well you Two should keep it low. I'm tired of hearing "ohh Eddie ." "Fuck yeah  Eddie." He says imitating Danis voice .

I blushed so hard and at that moment I wanted to  disappear.I regret not  learning to do magic tricks because if I had I would have been able to disappear right now,but  I don't know if that's even possible .

I didn't even want to look at little Henderson but I could feel his eyes burning in the side of my face .

"Oh little Henderson your sister sounds way hotter than that ." I smirk and continue looking at the road and not at him. I was dying of embarrassment even though I tried to put on a normal face.

"Agh you're disgusting ." He fake gagged

Ha ,got him back .

It was a good come back Eddie .I Tell myself hopefully that way he stops bothering me or maybe Dani and I should be more careful of how loud we are.

Jesus Christ !!

What if her mom heard us too ?

Nope I'm not gonna think of that ....

—————————————-

So after getting the cake and the balloons we headed to Harrington's house he had already decorated the backyard by the pool .

We were making Dani a surprise pool party .

She knew we were coming over to Harringtons for some drinks but she didn't know that it was a party for her .

It was her first real party where she actually got to hang out with everyone and our first public outing as a couple .

Today everyone would know about us and I was nervous I'm not gonna lie.

Harrington knew about us. Apparently he put things together after that night that Dani and I got in a fight because of  my jealousy. He gave me a long speech that I better treat her right or I was going to meet his fist .

But I know damn well that Harrington can't ever win a fight ,that I know thanks to Little Henderson.

But he had nothing to worry because Dani made me change in so many ways ,I never thought that a girl would actually tame me .

For me love never existed. All I ever believed was in a one night stand with whoever I met after a gig or a night out with the boys .

But Dani ,damn she has me so fucking mesmerized she has me under a fucking spell and don't even get me started with Nate I love that boy to death .

Never in a million years would I think I would be loving a kid that wasn't even mine as much as I love Nate. I would do anything for him,I would throw punches at whoever made fun of him Or bully him.

Dani has told me Nate has been home school  since pre school for the reason that when he was in pre school he was bully by fucking pre school kids!!

Man,these kids nowadays are such assholes ,but I blame the parents .

Poor little Nate couldn't defend himself because he couldn't speak but i was going to show him how to defend himself maybe not fighting but how to stand up for himself.

I wanted to protect him ,and now more that this year he is starting 1st grade in Hawkins elementary.

And if any of those little gremlins makes fun of him or calls him any names I'll be the first one to arrive at that school to have a word to whoever was in charge of them .

Yeah ,I would have never thought that I would have myself thinking like that .

I'll even join the PTA shit they have at school just so I can be closer to Nate .

I always thought I wasn't going to be a good father figure but now look at me ,trying to be the best dad for Nate .

"Munson stop playing with that balloons and come help me put up the banner  ." Harrington said, taking me out of my thoughts .

"Going ." I let go of the balloon it almost flew up

To the ceiling but Lucas got it just in time .

"Thanks man ." I told him

"No problem Eddie ." He smiled and ran off with the balloon in his hands and I watched him give it to Max making her smile widely ,im glad those two were trying to work things out .

Good for them..

"Munson stop daydreaming and come help me !!" Harrington shouted he was upstairs trying to hang the banner from the balcony .

"Going sorry ." I walked up the stairs to help him ,but still thinking about how stupid in love I was ,I was down bad for Dani .

Like little Henderson once told me "she has you on a chokehold ." I don't even know what the fuck that  means .

We really need to take that cell phone from him he is always learning new words that make no sense at all.

"Munson ,ok tell me what's wrong you've been in another world ." Harrington tells me getting me out of my thoughts again.

"Huh,sorry man I'm just thinking you know ." I tell him tying up the banner to the railing

"About ?" He ask tying the other side of the banner

"I don't know I'm down bad for Dani and it scares me you know  ." I finished tying up the banner and leaning against the wall .

"You're in love Munson ,I know it's scary but you love every moment of it especially when you're with her ." He smiles looking downstairs at someone but I can't see who he is staring at so I walk over to the railing and see him looking down at Nancy .

"You still love her right ?" I ask without even thinking.

"Ima be honest with you I really do ,I've never stop loving her ,I go out with girls and sleep with them but in my head is always Nancy none of those girls can fill the hole in my chest ,I really truly love her so much ,but what can I do man she is with Jonathan she chose him ." I look down ,Nancy caught a glimpse of Steve watching her and she blushed and waved at Steve and myself .when she was caught.

I could tell she still had a thing for Steve but I honestly don't know what goes through her head making herself suffer with Jonathan ,they're always fighting and he even lied to her about the college he was going to .

I really hope these two finally can get their happy ending.

—————-

After finishing decorating Harrington's house we all headed to our houses to change,I stopped at my house first to get extra clothes .

Dustin was with me. He seemed really excited about surprising his sister. That boy loved her so much and he was also really protective of her .

But that's what brothers are for .

When we arrived Nate was already waiting for us in the living room watching cartoons on the tv ,wearing his dragon swim trunks and Hellfire shirt I've gotten for him he was ready to go swimming .

"Eddie!!" He runs up to me as soon as he sees me walking in the house and jumping into my arms .

"Hi uncle Dustin, I'm glad you're back ." Dustin crosses his arms and raises a brow looking at Nate

"Uncle Dusty you know you're my favorite." He says sweetly at Dustin

I fake gasp and pretend I'm hurt with what he said .

"Eddie, he is my favorite uncle ." He giggles

"I thought I was your favorite ." I pout "you're my favorite but you're not my uncle ." He pauses and jumps down from my arms and sits back in the couch covering his face with his dragon plushie

"Hey buddy what's wrong ?" I walk over to him and kneel down in front of him

He says something but it sounds muffled, but his mouth being covered by the Dragon ,Dustin sits next to him and he has a big smile plastered on his face .

"You're my favorite .." I heard Nate say but the last part he said really low almost as a whisper

I smile and try to take the dragon from him, slowly tickling him .

He starts laughing "are you gonna tell me ." I continue tickling his sides .

"Yes !!" He giggle "But stop." He laughs

"Ok I'll stop ." I chuckle

"You're my favorite Dadda just don't tell my Dadda Liam that because I don't want him to feel bad ,I love my dadda Liam a lot but he never has time to play with me he is always on his phone working  ." I didn't know what to say to him. I know Liam works a lot, he even had to work weekends having two jobs maintaining his and Dani's app and then working with his father,I know one day Nate would understand that .

But what took me by surprise was he said I'm his favorite dad ,did I hear correctly ?

He calls me dad .

Fuck !!

Dani had told me he would call me dad but hearing from him did something to me .

My cold heart suddenly became warm, making me feel so many feelings at the same time ,just like Dani did when she entered my heart .

But these feelings were different. I felt so much love for Nate. These were fatherly feelings that I never thought I was gonna be able to give because I never knew the true meaning of being a father ,but thanks to my uncle Wayne I learned some things .

Tears started trickling down my cheeks and I wiped them away fast with the back of my hand .

"I think you broke Eddie ."

I heard Dustin tell Nate.

Nate cupped my face squeezing it making me look like a fish.

"Are you broken ?" He ask scrunching his nose.

"I'm not broken, I just can't believe you call me dad."my voice sounds shaky

Man,I shouldn't cry. I can't lose my cool in front of little Henderson.

"Nate baby, are you ready ?" Dani's voice came from the hallway saving me .

"Yes momma I'm here with Eddie and uncle Dustin." He shouts back ,

"Ok ,I'll be out in a minute Baby ." She shouts from her room

"Ok,sweetheart ." I shout back

"Ok buddy let's go put your stuff in the car ." I tell him, grabbing his bag "Dani sweetheart, where's your keys to the car ?" I ask her

"On the table next to the lamp in the living room ."

Table next to the lamp ,there they are.

Gotcha

————-

And it wasn't even a minute that Dani took, more like 30 minutes .

After putting the things in the trunk we came back inside and she told us to wait for her in the car and that's where we were right now waiting for her .

"How much longer is Dani gonna take ?" Dustin whined from the backseat .

"I don't know little Henderson ." I turned to check on Nate but he was happily watching videos on his tablet and he had his headphones on so he had no care in the world and Ozzy was sleeping in Dustin's lap..

Nate made my day today That little boy really made me the happiest man alive today he fucking call me his Dad .

Damn !  The tears wanted to come out right there when he call me dad and I  know a few came out but I honestly couldn't care anymore. I was the happiest man alive .

"Sorry I took long ." I was startled by Dani opening the door to the passenger side where I was sitting .

"Jesus Christ !!" I place my hand in my chest trying to catch my breath .

"Sorry ." She coos "now get out." She tells me

"Excuse me ?" I raised my brow,what does she mean to get out ?

"I'm not driving, it's my birthday ." She says in a cute voice ,ok I feel better I thought she was mad at me or something .

I got out of the car and realized that she had dyed her hair the same color she had it when I first met her .

She had reddish orange hair for a while because she couldn't dye her hair red while working at the school and I'm guessing now that she isn't going to work there anymore she went back to  her red hair . Her red hair with blonde tips looks beautiful on her. My heart stops for a moment when she looks at me she looks so fucking beautiful .

Memories from the night I met her flow through my mind and I can't believe I actually am standing in front of her after all those months .

She had minimum makeup on and she look beautiful I can't deny that I was totally in love with her like a fucking idiot if she told me she killed someone I'll help her hide the body ,that's how much fucking in love im With her and it's scary because I don't know how to be a good man to her or a father to Nate . my father was always an ass to me and beat me whenever he didn't like something I did ,he is also the blame that I had a buzzed cut for so long because he said I look like a "Faggot." Because I wanted to have long hair.

I know he hated me because I knew I was the reason my mother was dead .

"Eddie baby are you ok?" I shake my head and smile at Dani "yes sweetheart I was just mesmerized you look so beautiful ." I peck her lips softly

"No ,I don't !! I'm not wearing my usual makeup ." She covers her face

Why can't she never take a compliment ,we are gonna have to work on that .

"So I'm driving your car ?"

"Yes ,you but be nice to him ." She Pecks my cheeks and slides in to the passenger seat

I close the door for her and run to the other side to get in the car .

"So should I be jealous?" I tell her putting on my seatbelt ,she just chuckles and turns on the radio .

I still can't get that hang of that radio is like some alien shit or maybe I wasn't used to that new modern shit .

I was more of a tape kind of guy, maybe I was born in the wrong time .

I adjust the mirrors and my seat. I don't know why Dani likes to sit all the way to the front of the steering wheel but I'm Guessing is the height difference.

So now off to  Harrington's house

At Harrington's

Arriving at Harrington's house I saw a car that I wasn't expecting to see .

Fucking Liam .

Who fucking invited Liam to Dani's surprise party?.

I parked the car far away from his, just because I could ,and got out and went to open the door for Dani. I saw that Nate was still sitting in his car seat looking at me .

I knew what he wanted so I helped Dani out of the car and made my way to open the door for Nate and help him out of his car seat .

"Thank you Eddie ." He smiles, putting his tablet in his backpack and walking to the other side to Dustin and they both grab their bags and head inside the house followed by Ozzy .

That was the whole plan all the time Dani and I went in last ,everyone would get in their positions to surprise Dani .

Plus Dustin and Nate were the signal that Dani was  here so that meant everyone was hiding right now as soon as they saw them walk in .

"Baby let's go inside. I want to get in that pool already ,I can't wait for you to see my bathing suit ." She says excitedly

"Oh really ? Can I have a peek ?" I ask her unbuttoning the very top button from her shirt

"Eddie !" She whined, slapping my hand away "you have to wait ."she giggled and ran away towards the door .

Shit that wasn't supposed to happen. I ran after her calling her name but she beat me by opening the door and closing it behind her .

And all I heard was surprise and Dani screaming .

Shit, I ran and opened the door and there she stood with both of her hands on her mouth, everyone staring down on the floor where Liam was ,ha  did she punched him.

Yeah, she did ...

"Oh shit she got you good " i cackle

"I'm so sorry Liam." Dani kept saying over and over again "is that you scared me ." She kneels down to help him up .

"It's ok, don't worry ." He stood up "surprised ." He winced and gave Dani a hug. His arms went way down, almost touching her ass.

I could feel my eye twitching ,this man had the audacity to do that infront of all our friends and me!!!

I heard some awww and some boos when they hugged.

Of Course they didn't know about us so they were rooting for them to get back together.

But that was going to change today because everyone will know about us .

I still wonder who invited him.

"Have you thought of what I told you ?" I heard him whisper to her and Dani pulled away looking at him ,his arms weren't leaving her waist ,I think that was a very long hug for my liking .

I stood there in back of them like a security trying to protect her from anything .

Our friends gave me  a stare and Jeff and Grant called me over, signaling me for us to go outside .

But I didn't want to move from my spot .

Steve and Gareth came over to my side in case something went wrong .

Their  hands on my shoulders holding me in case I snap .

"Liam ,please not here and if you really want that answer is a no I chose him ." I heard her tell him then look back at me and smile .

I smiled back ,a big toothy smile. I felt Gareth and Steve pat my back and walk away when they knew it was safe and I wasn't going to do anything stupid.

Ok ,suddenly my smile faded .

Did he ask her to take him back ?

When was this ?

And she didn't  tell me ?

Was she thinking about it ?

"Danielle!!!" The door to the front opens and A loud shriek coming out of someone screaming Dani's name follows.

Dani turned around with a big smile on her face and ran past me leaving Liam standing there looking like a fool .

I turned around to see what all the commotion was about a skinny blonde girl around Dani's height was the one making that awful sound .

"Cinthia!" Liam ran over to join the hug

"Cinthia?" Fucking Cinthia who made it her purpose to turture me for two fucking years Cinthia.

Great fucking great .

After that reunion ,Dani went to go say thank you to everyone for making her this party and of course I was by her side like a lost puppy .

Her hand on mine and our fingers intertwined she  pulled me with her saying hi to everyone .

She had no care of the stares we were getting from everyone.

Especially from Cinthia and Liam.

I could feel their eyes burning in the back of my head .

But I just ignore them .

Nobody asks questions as to why she was holding my hand .

Finally after saying hi to everyone we went outside and sat by the pool looking at Dustin and the kids playing in the water .

I kept getting up when I would see Nate go under water, almost pulling my hair out .

"Baby i sit down ,he is gonna be fine ." I feel Dani wrapped her arms around my waist From the back and I jump scared that someone would see us .

"I'm sorry it's just a habit ." I pull her close by her hips, and without thinking or caring I peck her pretty plump lips .

And it felt right so fucking right .

She pulled me right back to her lips wrapping her hands around my neck and I didn't fight it at all. My arms went around her waist pulling her closer to me every inch of her body was align to mine .

Was this her way to tell everyone she was taken ?

Taken by me Eddie the Freak Munson.

I heard gasps and some noo .

Dustin shouted finally .

And then Cinthia's voice was heard

"No fucking way she changed you for the freak !!"

Fuck you cinthia.

Dani pulls away her hands and slides it to my cheek caressing it .

"I love you Eddie Munson ." Cinthia kept talking loudly to Liam saying stupid things, making me mad.

I was about to turn to say something but Dani cupped my face .

"I love you and only you Eddie, I chose you ."she pecked my lips again.

"I love you too sweetheart ."

"Way to go Munson !!" Jeff shouted and our whole friends started cheering for us .

"Finally ,I'm not the only one that knows !!" Gareth shouted

"Hey ,I knew ." I heard Steve tell

Him .

Now our whole friends knew about us there was gonna be no more hiding.

"You want to go in the pool ?"dani ask unbottoning her shirt .

"No, it's fine ." I reply

"Are you sure?" She smiles, taking off her shirt slowly then her shorts .

"Jesus Christ Danielle !!" I gasp she was wearing a fucking two piece bathing suit with black sheer  crop top and a black sheer skirt .

What's wrong baby ? You don't like my outfit ?" She said in a sexy tone

"I-Is not that i fucking  love it but I think you're showing a little bit too much for my liking ." I managed to say through all the drooling .

And plus I didn't want Liam to be eye fucking her .

She giggles and walks over to me "you silly boy I can see you like it very much ." She teased her eyes going down from my face to my growing bulge in my jeans .

Yeah i like a lot and fuck !!!

This was embarrassing. I had to go sit down and cover my growing bulge with her shirt .

"I'll be in the pool Ed's." She shouted and jumped in the pool splashing me .

She took awhile To come out from under the water so I got closer to the edge to check on her and suddenly she emerged from under the pool pulling me in with her getting me all wet .

I wasn't even mad .

Everybody started laughing and cheering,suddenly everyone started jumping into the pool with us except for two grumpy people in the crowd Liam and Cinthia .

I swam over to Dani who had swam away from me giggling trying to be as far away from me as possible while she got distracted by Dustin and Nate. I went under the water and grab her from her waist and pulled her under the water with me crashing my lips in hers.

I've always wanted to do this.

And I finally did and it was the most romantic shit I've ever done in my whole entire fucking life .

It wasn't metal at all .

We submerge from under the water almost out of breath from all the kissing .

Dani wrapped herself around me just like a baby koala.

Peppering kisses all over my face .

"I'm free to kiss you whenever I want to kiss you she giggle peppering my face with kisses.

"Sweetheart you're making me hard "yes I had to ruin the moment but what can I do when she is wrapped around me like that and wearing that bathing suit .

"Get a room!!" Gareth shouted

"Fuck off ,im finally able to touch her whenever the Fuck I want !!" I shouted back flipping off Gareth

"Language !!" Nate shouted

"Sorry buddy ." I said sweetly

"Hey !!that's not fair your nice to

Him!" Gareth jumps in the water splashing Dani and I .

"Hey !!" I splash him back

"Guys !!" Dani squeal then we heard another splash

"Nate !!!" Dustin shouted and both Dani and I turned to see Nate had slipped while he was running by the edge .

But Ozzy jumps in just in time to catch Nate .

"I love that fucking dog ." Liam had jumped in the water too swimming over to ozzy and Nate as well as Dani and I swam over  ,

Nate was laughing and I'm glad he was ok Ozzy came to the rescue now Nate was riding him

All over the pool with Dustin behind them .

As the day became night, most of the family members that had come left, leaving us to continue celebrating Dani's birthday .

Dustin and Nate and the rest of the kids headed over to the pool house to play on Dustin's game system .

They were tired of swimming and I'm glad they were out of the pool because I was dying of the nerves I kept checking on Nate every second .

Maybe I was overprotective but I didn't care.

Dani and I as well and the rest got out of the pool and sat down on the ground in a circle .

Dani was sitting down in between my legs. We had a big towel covering both of us .

Now that I was able to touch her in public I couldn't take my hand off of her .

"So how long has this been going on ?" Robin was the first to ask

"A while ." Dani responds

"Did you know he was your student ?" Jeff ask

"Actually she didn't ." Now i was the one to respond "we met in The Hideout ." I tell

Them

"Shit ,was she the hot girl at the bar that you couldn't take your eyes off ." Grant ask looking at me then at the boys.

"Holy shit !! Yes the redhead !I remember that  night man "Gareth tells me

"Yeah ,yeah shut your mouth ." I hissed I didn't want him Making a fool of myself .

Dani turns slightly and kisses my jaw "Where you watching me from the stage that night ." She giggles

"Maybe ." I bit my bottom lip

"So you Two lovebirds have been dating since when to be exact ?" Robin ask

"Well as soon as I found out he was my student i stop everything ." Dani looks at me recalling the moment we decided to stop everything the night that broke my heart .

"Yeah ,Dani stop everything but having her as my teacher was the hardest thing I ever had to do especially when there was a bunch of horny teenagers flirting with her every fucking single day." I sounded mad and I was .

"So you fell for the freak ?" Cinthia finally spoke she has been quiet all this time listening to everyone talk .

"Cinthia he is not a freak and I would appreciate it if you stop calling him that his name is Eddie ." Dani defended me. No other girl has ever done that for me .

And I felt like the proudest guy in the world. My girl defended me .

Robin and Nancy chuckle I could tell

They didn't like her but we had to deal

With her because of Dani .

"Well you fell for Eddie here ." Cinthia rolls her eyes 

"Yes, I did, it got to a point where  I couldn't see him as my student anymore every-time I would

Look at him his eyes where on me already and it made me so nervous it was hard for me

To teach when he was looking at me with those chocolate eyes ." She stops and looks down at her fingers .

"And what happen next ?!" Steve ask wanting her to continue the story

"Well I saw him with Chrissy one day and it made me mad ,I mean i had no reason to be mad because I wasn't with him I mean two months had passed but he also made me a promise that he would graduate so we could be together and it broke my heart seeing him with her after the promise he made, it broke my heart into a million pieces ." She pauses to catch her breath. I held her tighter to me .

"You asshole ." Robin hisses at me flipping me off

"I didn't break any promise ." I defend myself "I was helping her out to make Jason jealous. I swear that's the truth. I even explained that to Dani that same afternoon in her car and we decided to meet that same night to talk and now here we are 5 months later happy ." I kissed Dani's cheek

"Yes,that night was the best night of my life I mean I was risking everything for Eddie but I knew he was worth it,then I took him to New York as a Christmas gift for him And he met Nate for the first time and he accepted me and Nate ,he didn't judge me for having a kid a a young age ,then Nate got so attached to Eddie and it's rare for him to like someone." She looks at Liam in the last part.

"That right that caught me off guard. I've never thought my son would actually like someone else so fast but He likes you A lot Eddie he even tells me his momma boyfriend is  a rockstar ." He chuckles. Then looks at me "Nate really loves you."

"I love him too and trust me I'm trying

My best to be a good role model for him."

   I can't deny this was the best day of my life .

Finally I was able to kiss Dani whenever I wanted and show her off to the whole world .

I know there are going to be judgements from this town because no matter what someone does they always have to criticize people.

I know Dani is already prepared for all the talk and so am I and we are going to face this together as a couple.

Next chapter

[mizuhanomesensei]

Drabblecember Day 9: A Walk Outside

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

Pairing: Hasumi Keito × Miyasato Miyuki

• Warnings: None (That I know of, other than canon x oc I guess?)

• Contents include: childhood friends kinda, mutual pining, "It's going to be Christmas soon, Keito" .

•Note: a late start but Im gonna do the rest of drabblecember for writing sample purposes!

• Don't steal my writing please 😐👍

˚ ༘ 🪭 × 👾-; ˳೫˚

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

˚୨୧ - 

1: 37 a.m.

Being UNDEAD's producer meant one core thing - Night Shoots. Lots of them.

What a life, right? Only months before had Miyuki spent her nights hidden away and up late after the infrequent shift helping out at her family's shrine - Finally she gets a night shift job,  and her internal systems decide she was supposed to be asleep approximately three hours ago. Is this a prank? Was she getting old? Is this what it means to be a "normal" adult? 

 'Gross.'  she thinks, shuddering at the concept.

Case and point, she was exhausted. 

Returning from an egregiously long and tiring shoot, Miyuki sees UNDEAD off once they arrive at the ES Building. Usually anyone else who's even awake at this hour would only be seen at the dorms, but out wandering about in the cold, was none other than Keito Hasumi. 

Wait, what the hell was he doing out here?

Ye gods it was embarrassing. They've known each other for years, but upon catching sight of him Miyuki frantically attempts to find somewhere out of sight. By the time she finds one though, it's too late. Now in an awkward confrontation mid-sidewalk, they lock eyes. Neither one of them moving an inch until -

 "Uh, w-what are you doing out this late?"

" I could ask you the same. "

They stood in deadlock,  tension as thick as it was cold outside that night. Fidgeting with the trim of her scarf, Miyuki answers her estranged childhood friend

“Work ran late tonight, so…” She trails off, following up with

“You?”

“I wasn’t able to sleep, so I thought I’d catch some air" Keito responds plainly, in a bold attempt to mask nerves of his own. 

"Right…" Miyuki nods, averting her gaze. 

Further dread sets in as she weighs the options before her. She was either stuck walking home in the middle of the night by herself, or stuck facing someone she wasn't quite sure what to call anymore. 

Panicking internally about how in god's name she could POSSIBLY save herself from this dilemma now, she's brought back to earth by Keito asking

"Were you…planning on walking home by yourself at this hour?" 

"Er…kinda? Don't really have any other options…" Miyuki answers sheepishly

Keito sighs, head already in his hand

" W-What?" She asks, baffled

Keito simply shakes his head and replies

"How…Incorrigible. You've worked yourself enough today, at least let me help you this once."

"Seriously? You don't have to, really! I-" She stammers

"I insist." 

Defeated, Miyuki sighs and accepts his offer, beginning the cold journey home in an awkward yet peaceful silence. 

They walk the empty streets side by side, lit by lamp posts and the occasional series of holiday decor. Mesmerized by the quiet scene, Miyuki doesn't notice an uneven sidewalk ahead until she's already tripping  over it.  Not quite falling over, she's caught by Keito's hand grabbing her own, and warned about "being more careful" as one might expect coming from him. They finally reach the Miyasato shrine, but only upon arrival do either of them realize they never actually stopped holding hands after that. Maybe it just felt safer that way? More comfortable?

Regardless, now flushed at the possible ideas and implications in both of their minds, they part ways with sheepish goodnights. Hit with another wave of exhaustion, Miyuki  flops herself amongst the pile of plushies and pillows on her bed. She mashes her face into a pillow and grumbles to herself, cheeks still flushed

"God, I've got to get over this…"

˚୨୧ - 

Fin.

[astralmarionette]

THIUGHTS ON THE GUILD GO! I loved them sm they were my fav faction and all the characters make me deeply insane I am WAITING for them to come back they have to asagiri set up too many plot points not to bring them back. Sigh. my favs r lucy n poe n mitchell n hawthorne n steinbeck but I like all of them

Omg omg okay i LOVE thr Guild I spent like 30 minutes last night trying to predict the different Guild members because Autism. (I FUCKING LOOKED UP MARk TWAIN BC I WAS LIKE U CANT HAVE AMRRICAN AUTHORS AN NOT HAVE MARKY YKW??? LIKE HES LItERALLY BROUGHT UP IN EVERY SINGLE LIT CLASS IN AMERICA BRO and nothing came up OU IM SO MAD)

BTW, I tend to use a first name basis with authors btw theyre actually all my best friends i know them on a deeper level (my mom said that i need to seek help today, this is what happens when all yr friendships are superficial as a kid methinks)

anyways. here are my thoughts:

Mr Francy Pants (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald): i wasn't too opinionated on him til I learned his ability (like i said we need to stop letting white ppl get rich bro...) and then i was like i need this guy dead and then i learned his motive and i was like oh my god hes literally just a guy he wants nothing but to mAKE HIS WIFE HAPPY OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so he slays actaully i hope hes alive :((

Louisa May Alcott: LOMLLLLLLLL i love little women so im extremely bias towards her but wtv when Francis was going on his lil rant abt owning her and everything i was like woah now careful abt how you speak to my girl

Nathaniel: Lord....forgive me...... HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE OH my GODDDD Nathaniel was made for the girlies with complicated relationships with religion i fear (ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME )

Margaret: love me a woman who dresses like that okay but im fairly certain the actual woman was racist soooo kinda mixed feelings?? but the character is amazing and perfect (ignoring the restoring her family's honor.........) and i actually loved her accent lol it was southern enough to be southern but not too southern to be fake lol southern accents actaully arent always there for my area lol they come and go and are stronger when angry/ come out stronger on certain words or phrases loll

Lucy: OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH seeing that she got caught PAINED ME LIKE NOOOO ATSU WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO GO AND SAVE HER BUT NOW I FEAR HES FORGOTTEN IN ALL THE EVERYTHING GOIONG ON OUGHHHHHHHHHH

Anne is SOOO Cutie Pie too btw and I love that one she looks like Anne of Green Gables (obvi) BUT ALSO Raggedy Anns!!!!!

Marky Mark: HES SO CUTE ACTUALLY ???? I love his "im just here for the fun of it" attitude that was rlly nice AND HUCK AND TOM ARE SOOOO CUTE and i love the fact that hes a gunsmith despite im pretty sure the book characters he brought to life and real life author being like these scrappy lil southern boys lolll i like that they didnt go the kenji route with him and have him be like a (read this in a southern accent btw) lil farmer boy with good intentions for everyone :D type character !!!!!! love him 10/10 scrunkly

John Steinbeck: his grape thing freaked me the fuck out the first time he did it i was so thoroughly gagged like...... hes cute but in term of design he and Francy look soo similar I got tired of these basic ass white men sorry TvT (looking at them made me feel like i was watching hetalia again LMAOOO) hes scrunkly poo too tho and i love his quirk (mha gagged with quirk im sooo sorry)

Lovecraft: He rlly puts the love in Lovecr....Im gonna stop there sorry :( that sounded jsut as bad in my head LMAO I LVOE HIM i love the fact that him turning into Kraken is just. smth he can do. not his quirk hes jsut like that. (okay actually he didnt write Kraken so idk what the fuck he turns into but he just like me fr) i love his absolute apathy to everything he rlly is sucha girl like he just wants to sleep fr !!!! he had empty eyes and long lucious hair and thats enough to make me love you so i literally DONT CARE bout NOTHIGN ELSE !!!! 10000/10 hes so fine omg....

Melville: hes actually so chill. i like him! he had honor and standards that he upheld himself and i heavy respect that! going down w yr ship is like the easiest way to gain my respect cuz that troupe >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AND LAST BUT ABSOLUTELY DEFINETELY NOT LEAST:

Edgar Allan Poe:

do I, Dorian Nico di Marionette (my legal Tumblr name), even need to say anything about how much I love this man. I'm not even just talking about the bsd character. I'm talking about the actual author too. He's literally so cool. Like so cool. He came, he lived, he fucked around and found out, and he died!!! He is literally everything I wish to be. Cool, Autistic, Mysterious, Silly. And now specifically the character: I love his need for praise bc ME tOO. I love that he had given himself ONE PURPOSE and that purpose was to beat Ranpo and give him the mystery of his life like yes girl devote your entire being and existence to that ONE (1) man !!!!!! (me) (we need help)

i love that he has a pet Raccoon esp since the general agreement is that he died of rabies like...... ( i personally think he was murdered but idk... ijust feel like someone didnt like him bc he accomplished alot and they probably couldn)

he and ranpos lil friendhsip warms my lil heart to like................... like i said in my tags they remind me of Hikaru and Kaoru in a way where their world was "us" and "not us" and like they are the only ones who can keep each other on each others toes and constantly getting better and giving the ultimate form of praise (theres nothing like getting praise from someone in your field of work, esp someone that you regard as "better than you") and thats so.......... (and if i say codependcy (I WILL PUSH CODEPENDCY ON EVERYTHING BRO I NEED TO SEEK HELP))

anyways these are my excessive thoughts i need help lol

[winterchildd]

Hi:) I wanted to ask if i can request a harry potter matchup? If not then it’s okay, also if you won’t be able to read my english (it’s my second language) then it’s okay if you choose to ignore this request.

okay so i’m a girl, my name’s Em. My house is slytherin, zodiac sign is aquarius and my mbti type is INTP. I wouldn’t say i’m shy, just quiet. But I think everyone can be shy sometimes. People call me uncaring and cold-hearted but i don’t think that’s completely true, i’m just not that comfortable with everyone i know. But i must say i really love physical affection, even though i also lack it a lot. i hate sports, but enjoy long and calm walks, especially at night. the night sky with stars and moon are just perfect. My favorite subject would be definitely defence against the dark arts. oh and my patronus is a cat. now about my looks. My height is 164/165 centimeters, i have blue/green eyes, crooked nose, my hair is brown and length is to my shoulders and a bit shorter. I’m very pale and skinny (i’m trying to get healthier). i wear mostly black clothes. and i don’t know what else should i say lol.

have a good night or a good day :)

Hi Em 💕 of course you can request a matchup, and please forgive me for the long wait and for my english (yours is perfect by the way), I took a bit too much time 'couse I wanted to be sure of my choice

Here you go sweetie, hope you will like it

I was really really tempted to give you Harry 'cause he is so sweet and good-hearted, but than Draco came to my mind and well he's arguments were very convincing sooo im gonna give you Draco

I know, I know, Draco has a bit of a character, he can be a spoiled brat sometimes, but in spite of what everyone says he is not heartless, people just assume that 'cause he is not used to show is real self. and that's exactly why he would be incredibly patient and understanding with you. He knows perfectly well how hard it is to opening to people so he would give you all the time you need to start feeling comfortable enough with him to show him your true self without any fear. He is more caring than what it seems, so he would always make sure you eat well balanced meals and have a good sleep every night, he would gladly invite you to sleep with him only to be sure you really sleep, not 'cause he secretly loves cuddling with you, absolutely not. But he do, he loves cuddling. He craves physical affection as much as you do, so no problem in asking him to cuddle on the couch a few more minute before the start of lessons.

He loves you with all his heart so he would take really good care of you, he would treat you like a princess, showering you with presents and giving you all the attention you need.

Draco is a rafined soul so he would enjoy those long calm walks under the starry sky that you love so much and would probably drag you out of the castel in the middle of the night every time he can, just to make you happy, and to spent a little more time alone with you.

He would love your logical side, how you search the truth in everything, how smart you are, he would listen to you talking about everything for hours without getting bored. I'll repeat it, Draco LOVES you. You are the only person without whom he can't live, he would do everything for you, even kill. Everyone who dares talking bad at you would find a terrible enemy in Draco.

[icannotgetoverbirds]

hi yeah holy fuck holy shit y'all

gotdamn this is a story for the ao3 author hall of fame. im still homeless and i promptly realized a couple of days afterwards that uh yeah no can do the whole living independently thing so im looking for a group home. in the meantime i managed to get into a decent shelter, get acchs insurance, and am working on getting a case manager.

holy fuck it's been quite the. week or so? the days have kinda been blurring together so idk. hopefully i'll get into a group home soon. i've got some family that i'm gonna try and contact in case they'd be more understanding than my parents about the whole 'being disabled' thing.

anyways that's the short version. long version under the cut

so basically bc im an exmo i've been incredibly isolated as i've tried and failed to build an entire new support system from the ground up. i had one singular friend who i could reliably talk to (i think i have two now and a few case workers so that's an improvement) and even then it was only over the phone. aside from that, i do have y'all online here, but again, i need a device in order to be able to chat with y'all.

and because my body is an absolute shitshow - in addition to my executive functioning issues - i wasn't able to get much done around the house. now, for some reason, my parents looked at me and decided that this shit is all a lack of responsibility. don't get me wrong, i couldn't exactly be responsible for much. but the key word there is couldn't, not wouldn't.

and for some reason, they look at the situation and decide, time and time again, that the best solution is punishment - by taking away my phone and internet access. not necessarily out of the ordinary for most parents, but given the circumstances, that's absolute dogshit for my mental health.

so, when i literally developed a new fuckin health issue that left me bedbound for a couple of days, my mom told me that we were going to 'have a conversation'. aka my shit was gonna get taken. again.

and that would've been it for me. isolated, in pain, sick, tired, without anybody to lean on. so i said fuck that shit, packed my stuff, and walked out.

i started off at a shelter that used to be a prison, and oh my fucking god i don't think i've ever been more pro-prison-abolition or whatever the fuck it is. like goddamn that shit's inhumane. i ended up having to take a trip to the ER because they didn't stock enough water, resulting in me becoming so dehydrated that my ribs cramped to the point of keeping me from breathing.

not long after that i spiralled a bit so i went to a crisis center where i got people that started working on my case. we determined that i'd be best off in a group home and they transferred me to a transitional facility while they got that figured out.

I get there and discover that my hip, which i thought had just popped weird, felt like it had dislocated. Thankfully, i think i just sprained it, but I was in a lot of pain that first night. Night shift came around to take vitals, I told them what was going on, and they proceeded to not only wave me off, but also one of them looked at me - as i was writhing in pain, crying, trying to keep quiet, and digging my nails into my skin to distract myself - with the look you reserve for dog shit you've just stepped in. So, you know, that was fun. Also nobody there got their medications that night. The shitshow that was nightshift there is gonna be important later.

i had tried to make friends with some of the people there that evening, and, being myself, I spoke very openly and honestly about my queerness and sexual history (or lack thereof), like a dumbass, and obliviously believed them when they said that I was one of the guys.

I later overheard them making plans to correctively rape me. Thankfully, I was on my way out to the hospital for my hip, so I notified day shift before I got into the ambulance.

I spent that night at the hospital, sleeping in a lobby chair (the hospital staff were very sympathetic to my situation, thankfully), and then called the crisis center that was attached to the transitional facility. managed to get taken into the crisis center, where i stayed for a couple of days. one of the guys who'd been making the plans ended up transferring into the same crisis unit, so that was a fuckin' blast to deal with. thankfully, the people at the crisis unit cared and did their jobs well, so i had eyes on me at all times and stayed safe.

eventually, i got sent back to the shelter i started at, then transferred back to the original crisis unit where people had been working on my case. i got some rest, got sick from eating gluten because i was so sleep deprived that i didn't care, then they got me into a much nicer shelter. i have a meeting with someone in about an hour and a half to try and get into a youth shelter, and I'm also going to attempt to contact some family members that might be more understanding and willing to help me while I pursue a group home.

I am very fucking tired, and despite everything that I've been through, I still wouldn't go back to my parents to save my life. Definitely gonna be a lot to unpack with my therapist.

o7

[tamarakkoarchive]

Shin Megami Tensei III livetweet thread (1/3)

👀

lol chiaki sounds exactly the same as asahi... lack of diverse VAs aside i wasn't expecting her voice to be this squeaky

...ok chiaki annoyed me enough so i'm playing with no voices LOL

damn bro if it's indeed the same VA as asahi it's so funny... the frickin same reason i preferred to play with no voices in both games

~

wasn't pixie supposed to be so small she could fit in your hand iirc... she's so huge in nocturne

~

i was already like ‘whaaat, smt4 was harder than this’ but then amala network happened

okay fuck me, I didn’t know pixie was gonna get rid of dia when I let her change her skills, now I only have one (1) demon able to heal

~

LOL i took hrs to realize kagutsuchi is the word they use for moon cycle

me a gazillion yrs ago playing soul hackers: i wonder what mag stands for nocturne: this

and the first thing i noticed in smt3 was the lack of the mag system yet ironically the game themes ARE centered in mag itself so??¿¿

~

my gamer food (it's cashew soda)

~

smt3 is giving me p3 flashbacks of the game having -such- an atmospheric mood it makes you sleepy as hell

~

does demifiend learn almighty skills? im thinking of a magic build but I’m unsure so for now I’m only giving him lots of agility lol

he has such a physical attacker vibe tho... i just love seeing him punch the lights out of a jack frost

~

lmao shit here he comes

~

i find nekomata cringe as hell when they make her walk on all fours but when she's on two feet i'm like oh yeah... she's actually cool

~

losing one hour of grinding because a mf used last resort

~

spent so much time going back and forth this place his shorts must smell awful

i've seen plenty of nsfw of demifiend but none that depicts his dick. has someone ever attempted to draw how his tattoo looks down there

i have like a gazillion demifiend doujins and they're all good but none showed his demon balls. a shame

~

BE NICE TO HIM

~

i nicknamed demifiend nao from naoki and i keep thinking about naoya from p1 because i nicknamed him nao too... nao duo

~

nocturne has this thing where to get the actual treasure from chests instead of trash you have to walk in circles like an idiot until the moon cycle is full and this turns into the reason for a big part of my deaths because you end up having to fight enemies a lot

~

i could say a million things about why demifiend's design works so damn well to the point of being peak protag look but i'll keep things simple by saying i just love characters with shitty bangs

✔️ simplicity ✔️ shows forehead ✔️ half naked ✔️✔️✔️ who the FUCK cut their hair

~

me: the last boss wasn’t that hard, maybe i overgrinded or something haha raidou: 🔫

i have no words

you wanna fuck me so bad don't you

~

it would've been cool if there was some perceptible difference gameplay-wise in demifiend "calling" for his demon allies as an equal instead of "summoning" like a traditional summoner

~

look how sexy he is in the darkness... glow stick boi

~

first matador, then raidou, now this bullshit

i'll definitely cheat if i have to get this goddamn magatama again but wtf... NOT ONLY THEY ARE AWFULLY HARD BUT THEY'RE SO MANY IN A ROW

i'm lit letting the switch on sleep mode all the time, turn it on just to solve a few of these and then back to sleep mode so i can recover from my baldness

god i was already mentally prepared to be given some incredibly shitty reward but fine. we good. geis rights

get the fuck outta my face before i give you a flick in the head

"oh come on these puzzles couldn't have taken that long to-"

i was playing the whole game so far solely thru a wide tv screen but for these last ghoulish 17hrs is when i convinced myself to play on handheld mode for less mental damage

~

our thong catboy

i used to sleep on his design for years but now i get it. espe after finding out his butt is exposed

NOOOOOOOOO IT WAS COVERED IN NOCTURNE

who's the fucking furry that made him buttnaked in dx2

~

me with persona: sigh okay there's the option to bang your teacher… whatever me with nocturne: aw demifiend totally wants to bang his teacher 🥺 u a teacher boi aint u???

~

i have no idea which route i'm going lol i'm just choosing whatever option fits the mood of the scene and compared to SJ or smt4, here the things are a bit less... obvious i guess

~

> paralyzed status doesn't go away even after battle > dis-stun is like 450macca, have to save money for magatamas > gets fed up, goes searching for a kelpie with paraladi > keeps getting paralyzed by setantas nonstop while the fucking kelpie never shows up

[gorewh0re90x-blog]

diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

[anandasamsara]

few updates cause its been a while

first, and less exciting one: i went to the cinema with a friend today. after what, 3 years?? probably. but i forgot its carnaval for a moment, and was reminded by seeing so many boobs. so many. girls with boobs out. in public transport. panicked for 3 seconds, remembered where i live and what time of the year it was and everything was good again.

second, we might be able to buy the 4th floor apartment! im having a crisis tho, bc my new bedroom will be less than half the size of my current one and its been very difficult to plan where tf am i gonna fit everything. as i said in the last few updates, i sleep inside a print shop now, so i need to have my bed and also all the machinery i use, and my books, and the product inventory... and beyond the new room being smaller, it is also very VERY... diagonal? crooked? one of the walls goes on diagonal to the rest of the room, with one other being 1,97m long and another being 2,60m, and both the crooked and the remaining one are 3,10m. i'll update again with images eventually, but the whole place is way smaller.

third, we are both, me and mum now, on our last leg with dad. he doesnt contribute anymore, he spent all of our money, he made debts when i specifically told him not to and im very suspicious of him having an affair. i dont recognize him anymore. he hasnt been a dad, my dad, in a long while. i have my issues with mom, but she doesnt deserve this. in fact we've been way closer and getting along way better. we're at the point of maybe waiting for the new apartment to be bought and finished and telling dad to get his shit together and leave. i dnot have the mental fortitude to deal with his shit, and i wont be taking care of a person who does not take care of himself. one of my friends called me a caregiver, as im my parents only child, but i refuse to be one. i dnot want kids, i will not parent my parents.

fourth, and the most exciting news for me: was approved on the post grad interview! i might be reaching (no one else thinks so), but im trying to be logical an at the same time not get any expectations. But. if there were 40 openings, 32 people were selected to be interviwed, and only 30 attended, me being one of them, this may, maybe, mean that im in, right?? i sure hope so, but i also worry bc its paid, and i have no idea if i can pay for it. i cant get a grant, or a scholarship, bc dad's gross salary is high enough to take me out of those lists, even tho hes receiving less than half of it. i cant apply on my own bc my address is the same as my parents. and having no job other than the few cons im attending will get me not enough money for the monthly pay. it may sound stupid in dollars, as its less than 60usd per month, but thats 280brl and i make about 180 average per convention. a few cons i make more, but i dont have a con every month, or more than one per month most times, and i also have to pay for them anyways, an the material. anyways, im happy but slightly discouraged. i already had to give up the japanese classes, idk how im gonna keep up with my studies.

thats it for now. wish i could sell things internationally, but no one would buy and the mail service would be expensive anyway

[mummer]

hellooooooo smart person!!! i have two asoiaf questions to ask you. so i was reading adwd, the chapter with ellaria sand making her big speech (can i take the skull to bed with me, to give me comfort in the night?) which was literally one of the best monologues ever. but i think it frames justice in a bitter, bloodthirsty manner. the martells are completely understandably pissed off by the lannisters, is george saying in this instance, even though vengeance is good (emotionally), it’ll screw everyone over? and does this apply to the starks/boltons too? we have so many good speeches on war and justice: broken man, this one, bathe in bolton blood, the mummer’s farce is almost over, etc. but they do conflict. is that the point? justice is better not pursued? or needs to be thought out?

ALSO. your vibe is that you’re a theon enjoyer. so i was wondering where his story is. it’s about identity, yes? but who is he? he’s not a greyjoy, i don’t think, he seems so disconnected from that violent culture, but he’s no stark. i think he wants a family, but the north will never accept him as a stark. so what’s theon’s purpose? i’m so sorry for talking so much but i always love your answers

ok ok ok. anon ily. i might answer the theon one in a separate post if i have time; im gonna try to be as brief as possible but i am gonna put this under a readmore because you touched on uhhh probably the central question of the whole series lol! in fact you could probably write a phd thesis about violence and justice in asoiaf lol, but lets see if i can boil it down quickly maybe not clickbait???? (i lied, this got egregiously long)

ok ok ok some disclaimers up front. I personally am probably a bigger pacifist than most people lol, so this may colour my take somewhat. secondly spoilers but my answer is that i dont think the series actually has a solid answer to the question of retribution/vengeance. my favourite kinds of art are pieces that ask questions that can't be answered. and: is violence ever acceptable? can it be used as a means to a good/just end? <- is like, a hugely unsettled matter in the entire human experience. this is a question we all ask ourselves at some point. it's even more complicated and tangled in real life! is the death penalty ever okay? how can we wage just wars? how do we protest subversively? can people be rehabilitated? even: can we change? that's what politics are all about! the q of violence is something i am constantly thinking about and am still unsure of my answers! most people are!

what asoiaf does so well is pick at the idea of violence in about a hundred different ways and though a hundred different lenses. not all violences are equal! of course not! it is very clear about this, as well as that said violence is not always physical, is most often institutional. and justice.... well justice is completely incoherent in this world!!! the first chapter opens with the protagonist executing a man we as readers KNOW did nothing morally wrong! the thing with asoiaf is that there is always an added nuance to challenge you when you think you've made up your mind. someone shows a glimmer of humanity, or else descends into unexpected cruelty, or else complicates the narrative. there is always a 'but'.

for example: take robb's war for ned. he is trying to avenge his father, save his sister. okay, that's noble. that's just. you want to root for that. BUT: their warpath endangers hundreds of thousands of smallfolk, not to mention the thousands of innocents in their armies forced to fight one another and die for the sake of one man. how could that be worth it? BUT: tywin's army was desolating the riverlands anyway, so wouldnt it be a net good to defeat them? BUT: protecting smallfolk was never their priority; their 'justice' is only for the highborn; politically, an independent north would probably not be any better or worse for the peasantry. a tree of hanging women who lay with lions. "the north remembers", when it's first used on page, is not a joyous rally; it's robb reflecting bitterly that harrion karstark cannot openly forgive him for killing rickard, or risk losing face. rickard, who was killed for killing lannisters, because the lannisters killed his sons-- because robb waged war, because the lannisters killed ned! a poisoned cycle that can't end, an ideology defined by war, remembrance and loyalty as its own sort of sickness.

the thing about violence as justice in asoiaf is that it is never portrayed as revelatory. it's not... like... cool lol. did tywin deserve to die? idk, maybe. but this does not lift a weight off tyrion's shoulders. it doesn't feel like he won. this is something all characters must bear and grapple with. arya in particular is rich with this and that could be its own essay ofc. at its simplest, though, we have sandor. he killed her friend. a child. do child-murderers deserve to die? a lot of people in the world would say yes. but when he is at her mercy, when he is literally begging for her to kill him, she can't. it's too much. when dany orders the disembowlment of the slavers, she questions the choice internally. does torture have utility, here? what is it worth? ("But later, when she passed the men dying on the posts, when she heard their moans and smelled their bowels and blood... Dany put the glass aside, frowning. It was just. It was. I did it for the children.") again, i dont think the narrative has a straight or easy answer, which is why she's asking at all! if these answers were easy there wouldnt be a book. or things like jon's babyswap, which i consider its own kind of violence— but it is born from an unflinching desire to avoid worse violence. so... can it be just, then? theon murders the miller's boys. little kids. does he deserve to be punished? yeah, right? but then we are confronted with reek, and the empathy in the reader flinches, says: nooooo not like that!!!! and then feels bad for ever thinking it! so if he can change, did he ever deserve to die? when joffrey dies-- joffrey!!!-- there is very little catharsis to be found. ("He has Jaime's eyes. Only he had never seen Jaime look so scared. The boy's only thirteen.") the prose focuses on his purple face, his futile desperation to breathe. the way he looks like a child, because he is.

and then there are all the logistical, logical ends that need to be dealt with when seeking retribution. you got back at someone: great. now their family or allies or loved ones will get back at you, and on and on it will go forever until no one remembers the original injustice (see: the brackens and the blackwoods). now there is a power vacuum, or a counterrevolution, now the crops have burned and everyone is starving, now there are orphans. so... was it worth it? this is generally never the intent, but none of this can be sidestepped, either. a large point: no matter how justified in war you may feel, these consequences must still be borne. whether they are worth it in the end is your decision to make.

so we come to ellaria, with no clearer answer than what we started with. and i agree, it's one of my favourite quotes too. the endless question of: what do we do with what has been done to us? the violence has already been done, there is no way to bring someone back, there is no retribution. the victims are dead and so is their killer. and yet it is a hollow justice, because nothing has changed. women like elia are still bartered as political pawns and discarded. again, there is no coherent justice in westeros. it is only by chance that gregor died anyway. the systems of power are still functioning, and the aberration of that is felt. the sand snakes are grieving, but they are grieving the only way they know how. oberyn walked past obara's weeping mother when she picked up a spear. the only language in westeros is violence, the only power in blood. well, it's better than being powerless, right? .....right?

there is no good option. doran picks a side, having agonized over it for decades. this was not easy for him! the martells are understandably pissed off by the lannisters— of course— but... who is left to seek justice from? tywin is dead. robert is dead. aerys and rhaegar are dead. gregor is dead. amory lorch is dead. they could war against/kill cersei... i guess. jaime, maybe? myrcella? tommen? great, what would be the point? will their deaths feel good, emotionally, to the martells? or will they just feel hollow, like so many scenes of retribution in the series?

so i might favour ellaria's vision-- peace and submission, anything just to survive, to avoid hurting people. but this has its own very very obvious problems! pacifism is not a get out of jail free card lmao! "war will come, whether we wish it or not," obara says. it's highly possible this move would be seen as a sign of "weakness", and would only invite worse violences from the ruling power. again— the misery of this world is systemic, not individual. that's what feudalism is. that's what power is. it requires violence to maintain. but violence is also almost always required to challenge or protest it. so, ok. fuck. fuck! how can a world like this be borne? and how can we change it?

god i wish i knew!!!!!! — george rr. martin, 2011