#i spend like 80% of my day on this no joke

[lycheethelychee]

Control

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

THERE'S A CASTLE ON THE HILL, AS THE STORY GOES...

As promised, some initial thoughts on the things I loved about seeing this show. Spoiler free, since most of us haven't gotten to see it yet, and under the cut since I do wax a bit poetic...

Cinderella’s Castle is, in a strange way, an exercise in irony. The show is a retelling of an ancient story that is beloved and recited throughout so many cultures, and yet somehow feels completely fresh. The modern take on glam-punk lighting, a score infused with styles from 80s synth to anime, a high fantasy set with the costumes to match, the spirit of Jim Henson lingering through both the puppets and some larger and intangible vibe, a script combining that Starkid humor and Hatchetfield darkness with a whole different style of speaking… all of these beautifully executed elements melted together into something that I’ve never before seen. To take a tale as old as time and make it unique is no easy feat, but Starkid did so with magic and charm to spare.

Like any good Starkid show, Cinderella’s Castle is relentlessly dynamic: fun and tragic and exciting and just-plain-silly, with many twists and turns and character moments will make you gasp or cheer just as often as you laugh. It simply rollicks. The story clicks right along, especially in act 2, but the characters are so distinct and fun that I found myself almost wishing the Langs had sacrificed their plotting and pace just to spend more time hanging with every single member of this ensemble of personalities.

And that’s also a tribute to the actors themselves. Jeff is David Bowie reborn as the impish and fabulous narrator. Jon and Joey bring Hop A Lot and Crumb to life with so much charm and presence that they practically had the audience eating out of their hands from the very first second. Like, seriously, you will not believe how invested you will immediately become in these talking animals. Kim’s Fairy Queen is as radiant and terrible as promised; her portrayal of immortal inhuman power compels and commands and stands fully distinct from the Lords in Black. Lauren and Mariah are delightfully disgusting as the vile but deeply lovable troll step-sisters; you can feel the fun they’re having practically radiating off of them. Curt’s Tadius is dryly funny and put-upon, but also provides a vitally grounding and centering presence in the larger-than-life world of the Lands That Are. His big scene with Bryce is probably my favorite part of the whole show. James Tolbert is nothing short of an absolute STAR as the Prince, stealing scene after scene after scene with ease and charm and more jokes about genitalia than I think any of us expected. Angela once again displays a completely different facet of her never-ending range, exuding such elegance and control even in trollish filth that I do fear that the kids on the internet are going to start calling her “mother” with greatly increasing frequency. "Facade" was an absolute highlight of the night. And of course Bryce anchors, propels, and heightens every scene she’s in with such apparent ease you forget she’s been rehearsing for weeks and isn’t simply Ella herself. Ella is this world’s bruised, brave, and angry heart, and you will absolutely root for her every step of the way as she wrestles with who she is and learns what it means to claim her own power.

This was Starkid’s biggest budgeted show to date, and you could tell. This group of Michigan Wolverines and friends have accomplished incredible things since the Very Potter days of a single door and some cardboard columns, and I’m so proud of how far they’ve come. And yet Cinderella’s Castle, the fifteenth musical in the fifteenth year, still retains some of that core Starkid magic that I’ve always believed boils down to love. You can so often see that love emanating from the performers on a Starkid stage: love for the show, for their friends, for their craft, for the audience’s energy pushing them through. And the sense of love and support and community radiating from the audience is just as palpable. The man sitting behind me last night was at his first ever Starkid show, and afterwards he remarked in awe how that was the best audience he’d ever been in. And all that love isn’t unearned—it is built and it is nourished by a proud history of creativity, of song and of dance and of laughter and tears. And Cinderella’s Castle, I think, is going to prove an installment worthy of both Starkid’s past and future.

Starkid family, Bogs Hollow grants thee Starlight.

[hotvintagepoll]

Cantinflas (Around the World in 80 Days, Ahí está el detalle, Ni Sangre, ni Arena)—OH BOY I GET TO TALK ABOUT CANTINFLAS!! Honestly, I’m not the most qualified to even be talking about him: he was famously a king of wordplay, but Spanish is my second language so I always feel like I’m missing some of the jokes…..but even so he is so SO funny it’s like unbelievable. Ok so also. One movie I can talk confidently about is him in around the world in 80 days, which i have watched so many times and he just rocks. Like. ROCKS. Here he is on his dumb little bike [included below the cut]. This is how we meet him in th movie and I think they should have just put the words “SCRUNGLY” across the scene.He also does little tricks, wears his dumb little shoes, has some kind of weird romantic thing going on with David niven…..it makes me so sad we dont have even more movies from him because honestly his whole thing (esp in 80 days with his silly trousers) is just Gender.  

Jack Elam (Kansas City Confidential, Once Upon a Time In the West)—The MOST character actor he's always playing weirdos. In Kansas City Confidential he gets slapped senseless and thrown around like a rag doll and he spends most of his limited screen time anxiously lighting one cigarette butt with another cigarette butt and also being covered in sweat. In Once Upon a Time in the West he gets terrorized by a fly.

This is round 1 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Cantinflas:

charlie chaplin once called him the greatest comedian alive

Jack Elam:

One of the A+ henchmen of gang movies and westerns. Usually paired with Claude Atkin (another contender for the scrungle-crown), he's made a career out of being a weird looking dude that plays bad guys. Jack Elam probably says it best himself: "The heavy today is usually not my kind of guy. In the old days, Rory Calhoun was the hero because he was the hero and I was the heavy because I was the heavy - and nobody cared what my problem was. And I didn't either. I robbed the bank because I wanted the money. I've played all kinds of weirdos but I've never done the quiet, sick type. I never had a problem - other than the fact I was just bad."

From 32:56 to 36:52 of this (it's the whole movie) [link]

[inkskinned]

being single in your late 20s & 30s is so fucking wild bc on one hand it's fun and flirty and you skip a lot of the bullshit because you know what you're looking for and you know how to spot a red flag from a mile away and you've learned to set boundaries and communicate your own and be upfront about your needs and most of the time they've learned it too - and if they haven't, you can tell after the second date that they haven't been to therapy

and every time you feel lonely and dried up and an ugly husk there's a whole community of other single people out there who are just as unhinged and want to hang out with you because they just need a plus-one like you do and you get introduced to like. people in their 60's and 70's and 80's who are all like - nope, single life is my choice and i love it and you feel warm and seen and like okay, it's not the end of the world if i'm not seeing anybody. and yeah it's hard and sometimes exhausting but part of getting better is that you do make like so many friends and do so much wild shit because you made a promise to yourself that you'll actually get out there and try shit and actually work on your hobbies and skills and friendships because to be honest in relationships you wouldn't push yourself this hard and it's actually been super rewarding because it came from you and from what you wanted

and yes of course the apps such and dating in general can suck but after one of the bad dates you go back to your apartment and call up those friends you made and make jokes about what the other person said and it rolls right off your back and you have plans for self-care in the morning. you prioritize yourself and your happiness and you really actually don't mind it, a lot of the time, unless it's like at a wedding and they're doing one of those couples-related things. most of the time it's not even a problem except when you can tell people pity you for it and you're like - i'm actually fine, babe, even without a partner i am still, like a person and yes of course it would be nice to have a partner but you have established yourself as a person and as an adult in a way that feels really hard-won and well-earned and you're protective of that and of the life you're living and honestly you're pretty happy, all things considered

and at the same time you do have to tell your father that you are single on purpose right now and that, yes, believe it or not, they're letting women be single past the age of 30 these days without burning us at the stake (can you imagine!) and you have to kind of sit pretty while people make jokes about how you're losing your marriageability and you're like, a little too old for the bars and the clubs and whatever but you do still want to go out dancing and it's like. the other day you went to a board game party and had the time of your life and then your mom calls you and says she's worried because what if you never find the one, shouldn't you be spending more time looking? and you're like - trying to balance this place where you're actually, like, perfectly okay? except you hear this thing over and over and over - oh no. that's so sad. i hope you find your lover. and you weren't really upset about it until someone suggested that you're running out of time and until someone said that it's so miserable that you live without someone to kiss and you're like why can't anyone believe that i'm genuinely happy. like. joy. like. bliss.

and then they look at you and they look at their partner and the look passes between them that says - poor thing. you're just lying to yourself about this.

[bun-z-bakery]

(Repost from my abandoned account) these are just my personal head canons for dogday. this is a survivor au

(All characters are over 18 btw)

-dogday sometimes has dog like tendencies, like growling, barking etc.

-he doesn't remember a lot about his life as a worker but will share stories he remembers of his human life once you two become close.

-man is like a love sick puppy. First you save him? Give him legs? AND a home?! And his friends are here too?! You really are his angel.

-he's very protective of his angel. He can't have anyone take them away or even hurt them. Plus all those years locked away, he can't loose you, you're his hope.

-this man will most certainly plan his confession, script and all. Maybe you're away at work and this is something he's been working on for a while. He's always bringing you little gifts on his hunting trips (depending on if you like to collect rocks and such) but this dude went out of his way to find the best of the best. Even somehow found flowers beautiful enough to almost rival your beauty, keyword: almost.

-he enjoys spending time with you, poppy and kissy, he enjoys playing outside with you three, even if you guys have been out of the factory for years already. They still enjoy the outside world.

-I know bro is huge, like dude is taller than an American door way (according to some measurements fans have made, hes 9'5) if you're a shorty (like me 5 feet even😭) he will most definitely pick you up and carry you like a dogtoy. He likes the feeling of carrying his angel, it gives him a sense of pride doing so. Even if you accidentally hit the ceiling or he needs to really get down so you don't hit the top of the doorframe, he will always apologize or joke about it.

-he's a cuddler, he LOVES cuddling! He has his own giant dog bed in your shared room, but he prefers to sleep on your shared bed. If you're away from work and he's eepy, he'll pass out on your bed because it smells like you. Your scent keeps him at bay until you come home. Poor guy will shoot up and push anyone out of his way to be the first to get to you! He sits there on the floor waiting for his mandatory headpats and kisses as soon as he hears your keys.

-it takes his brain a few minutes to properly turn on. After all those years he finally gets proper sleep, I can imagine you waking up first and getting ready for the day to prepare breakfast for the group and you poke him, trying to wake him. He'll mumble some random stuff about not letting rats do taxes then fall back asleep only to be woken again by your pokes still talking nonsense. I can also see him sometimes waking up confused, you know like when you wake up your parents and they're mad for no reason asking what's wrong while gasping for air? (Just me?) I can see him being THAT dead asleep bhahsha

-my take on the survivor au is more of a modern take (as in yes the factory closed years also but reader is possibly in early to late 20s sometime in 20xx / non specified year) so they weren't an employee but probably knew someone like a family member who worked there or was dared to enter the factory (we'll see if I ever post my fanfic haha as these hcs kinda tie into that story) so dogday being alive in the 80s or 90s he probably has like the old school idea of love and attempts to swoon you as such. The flowers, cheesy pick up lines.

-I can imagine because he's not up to date with the newer terms and he might be confused while trying to seem cool haha. "Angel what does rizzler mean?" (Poor peepaw)

- Personally I love the theory that DogDay is an ex worker aka Rich. Which is probably why he was the leader of the smiling critters. Because he was mature enough to make sure everyone was in line/well behaved, I also think some other workers were turned into the mascots too (obviously) but maybe they trusted Rich more so they just threw him into the dance circle and hope that he'd be a good leader.

- this one ties into the first one btw! I like the think that maybe he was one of the mascots when he worked there. Like a guy in the costume who worked with the kids (hence the zipper, how else would the workers get into the bigger body suits?)

- I like to think DogDay likes when Angel calls him by his old human name. Maybe once he opens up more about his human life (or at least bringing up some of the memories he still has) he just randomly brings up his name when talking about a memory and hearing Angel repeat his name back, he'd probably like hearing it. It might make him feel like less of a monster in a sense. Granted I think he wouldn't care about what Angel calls him but he would most definitely prefer for them to alternate. Like you know when someone makes you mad and you use their real name instead of their nickname? He'd hate for his Angel to get mad, especially at him. But when living with 3 other people it can get a bit hectic.

"DogDay! Did you bring mud into the house?!"

"N-No!... "

*silence*

"RICH, WHERE ARE YOU?!"

*footsteps are heard and DogDay bolts out the door*

- Now this head canon I have can go either one of two ways, right? Hear me out. Listen up, listen carefully, and listen closely. (Lmk if you got that reference) ok so back to the zipper! I think the zipper just opens to his organs tbh like the zipper was just left functional in case he needed to be "repaired internally". BUT another thought, I also can see there being some sort of barrier! You know those stuff animals who have their stuffing blocked by a barrier so it doesn't fall out but the zipper opens to a compartment where you can store items? I kinda think that's whats there tbh, I mean it makes sense. What if one of the kids opened the zipper by mistake? Surely there would be a barrier just in case.

- as I mentioned in the last hc post, I can see him trying to swoon Angel in the old romantic type of way. I can see him pinning after Angel hard, at first they wouldn't get the hint, they'd probably think he's thinks he's indebted to them for rescuing them and giving the 3 of them a better and new life. But quickly they realize bro is in love. Of course poppy teases him about it too at some point lol. He doesn't really try to hide it either. I can see poppy and kissy thinking it's sweet and first then they get annoyed once you're the only thing he talk about lol.

- You're married. That's all! No but I can see in his mind you two are basically married. He'd probably want to have new custom star collars made for both of you or maybe even a ring for you and a matching collar or something for him to wear and propose. Of course it will bother him a bit because he can't go out with you, take you on dates or show you off but he trusts you (even though he gets jealous when you smell like someone else) he basically tries his best with what you guys have (If only there was a holiday that came once a year where you guys could go out dressed in customs without looking like freaks).

- He looks like the type of guy who would love pasta. I'm not sure why or how this even came into mind but I just feel like that's what he often wants for dinner. Poppy would probably eat fruit for dinner, kissy isn't really picky, but Dogday would probably be asking for either pasta or meat. Also I think Angel would be hesitant to feed certain foods to Dogday because you know, he's a dog (not really but hear me out) but because he acts like one at times I could see Angel being like haha nope you can't eat this!

*Angel eating chocolate cookies*

"May I have some?" *cutely pouts*

"I don't want you dying, love."

"You know I'm not actually a dog...right?"

ok ok you got me there" (they just really didn't wanna share lol)

- tbh this is more of a general head canon for the toys but I seeing as they had to resort to c*nnibalism. They clearly need food and water to survive. I think catcap was probably keep Dogday alive as a "lol now look at you now, look at me" (yes that's a BP reference) moment but only feeds him when he felt like it, since food is basically scarce in that place. I think that their human organs were transferred over but little things like veins, teeth, tongue, blood vessels basically anything that's not a major organ was made artificially and connected in a sense to those major organs making them function as such.

Yeah that's kinda it lol, there might be some more parts to this if I can think of anything else! But yeahhh that's kinda my hc and rambles lol (I tend to ramble a lot especially when I have to give context, I apologize!)

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 5: You're the One That I Want

Summary: You and Javi spend the day running errands when you encounter a few unexpected surprises. After returning back to your apartment, you both face the reality that your weekend together is coming to an end, hoping for more time together soon.

Word Count: 10.6K (I am so genuinely sorry, there's A LOT goin' on in this chapter.)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected P in V sex (don't be a fool, wrap your tool), vaginal fingering, creampie, car sex, semi-public sex, mentions of pregnancy/pregnancy scares, mentions of periods, mentions of food, sweet Javi being embarrassed about his past, Javi having it SO bad for you...Lorraine....

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's liked and reblogged, this is my first ever fic that I've written and I'm so glad people are enjoying it!!! 🥺 This chapter has a lot that happens and I already had to split it up once (yikes on my part), excited to write about what these two crazy kids are up to next!!

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You rummaged through your drawers to pull out a pair of black biker shorts and a form fitting sage green tank top, knowing that a Laredo 80 degree day felt like a Chicago 95. You normally would have gone baggy, oversized t-shirt, but given your company, you decided to up your wardrobe choices. Javi leaned against your doorway, arms folded and jaw slack as he watched you get dressed. He had already spent the majority of the morning with you naked, yet something about you putting on more clothes made him half hard again. It didn’t help that you had purposefully picked a black, lacy thong and skimpier than usual sports bra to go under your outfit. You looked yourself over in the mirror before meeting Javi in the doorway. 

“Ready?” 

“You sure we have to go? You’re killin’ me dressed like that, Osita.” 

“Yes, we do, or I am going to die of starvation in my own home.” You pressed up on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips. 

You did one last check of your kitchen before grabbing your grocery list, purse and keys and slipping on your shoes by your front door. Javi followed suit, trailing behind you as you led your way down the stairs to the parking lot. It was only 11:00 AM, but the hot Texas sun was already beating down, radiating heat waves from the asphalt. Reaching the parking lot, you both unknowingly began walking in separate directions. “Okay, so I’m thinking I’ll probably do my non-food stops first and then we can go to the grocery store after so nothing bakes too much in the car. God is it always this hot? Does that work?” Silence. “Javi?” You turned around to find that Javi had gone in the complete opposite direction “Where are you going?!” You shouted.

“My car is parked over here? Where are you going?” 

“My car is parked over here” you pointed in the direction you were walking. 

“Let me drive.” 

“Do you think I’m not a good driver? Is it because I’m a woman? That’s a little sexist, don’t ya think?” 

“What?! No I never said that?” 

“Javi, I’m joking. I’m more than capable of driving.” 

“I know you are, but I’m offering.” 

You thought for a minute about pushing back again, but your boiling state in the blistering heat was a painful reminder you desperately needed to get your car AC fixed, and you weren’t going to subject Javi to burning alive with you. 

“Fine.” You said with a huff of defeat, changing directions and making your way back toward Javi. You got to his truck as he opened up the passenger door for you and you muttered under your breath. 

“And you think I’m the stubborn one.” 

“I heard that.” 

As Javi started his car, he pushed open the overhead compartment over the driver’s side to pull out a pair of yellow tinted aviators. It was truly unfair that this man found ways to keep getting hotter. The cool breeze from the AC hit your face as soft music played from the stereo.

“Where to first, Osita?” 

“Toy-R-Us.”

Javi raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Not for me, dummy. My niece turns 5 in a few weeks and even though I’m not close by, I still want to get her a birthday present. It should be quick, I think I know what I want to get her. Then we can go grocery shopping.” 

Javi nodded in agreement as he backed out of his parking spot and you two hit the road. 

“Didn’t know that you were an Aunt.” 

“Yeah, my oldest brother, Charlie, has two little girls, 5 and 3, and he and his wife are expecting another one that’s due in November. Neither of my other brothers have kids. They’re the cutest. I miss them, don’t want Olivia to think I’m a deadbeat Aunt who forgot her birthday.” 

“My old DEA partner Steve and his wife have a daughter named Olivia. Maybe a little bit older than your niece. Been a while since I’ve caught up with him.” 

Javi could vividly remember the day he and Steve brought Olivia home to Connie, Steve’s wife. Crying and scared, Javi watching as they immediately wrapped little Olivia in their arms, showering her with love and affection. The 3 of them looked so perfect together, accepting the little girl into their family. While Javi congratulated them and told them he was happy Olivia would be in a safe home, he would never reveal the sting he felt knowing his chances of having what the Murphy’s did grew slimmer and slimmer with each day that passed in Colombia. 

Before he left, Javi had always hoped he’d have a family. He loved his parents so dearly, and wished that one day he could have a resemblance of what they did with the person he loved. His relationship with Lorraine had left him hurt and scorned, as he had almost gotten what he had wished for, but with a woman who couldn’t have cared less about him. By the time he left Colombia, he had written the idea off completely. He was tired. Broken. Scared by the things he had seen, worse yet, done. If he could barely keep himself together, how the hell was he supposed to have a family? He couldn’t imagine burdening someone else, let alone children, with the weight he carried with him. That was until 5 days ago on a Wednesday afternoon in late May. That was until he met you. 

“That’s nice that you still keep in touch with him.” You wanted to ask more, but for now, you would take any information you could get about his life before you. 

“Yeah, Steve’s a good guy. Pain in my ass, but meant well.” 

“You seem to attract a type.” 

“And what would that be?” 

“A pain in your ass.” 

Javi shook his head and chuckled. “You’re a lot cuter than Steve. Makes it a little easier to forgive you.” You playfully punched him, the two of you laughing softly to yourselves as Javi reached his free hand down to set it on the bare skin of your thigh. You sat quietly for a few moments, enjoying his thumb trace gently around your flesh. It was a surprisingly quick trip to the Toys-R-Us. Javi’s truck pulled into a parking spot as you began debriefing him on what you needed as you walked into the store. 

“Okay so when I talked on the phone with Olivia last week, she told me she really wants Polly Pockets. I’m just worried because the pieces are so small and I don’t want her sister to accidentally choke on them. I feel like a lot of the Kindergarteners really like those Sky Dancers but they always break. Her mom says she’s been into Pokémon cards but I feel like she’ll get bored of them.” 

“Poké-what? Osita, I have no idea what the hell any of that means.” 

“Right, sorry, I forgot not everyone spends the majority of their time with 8 year olds. This is all I hear about day in and day out, so I might as well put my knowledge to good use.” 

Javi followed you through the brightly colored aisles, stopping as you occasionally would pick up a toy to examine it and then put it back down. As you walked, you talked about your favorite toys from childhood, Javi’s being his collection of Hot Wheels cars that he was convinced his dad still had somewhere in the attic, yours being your Lite Brite because it was the only thing your brothers wouldn’t try to take from you. You continued your journey until you stopped at a brightly colored bear holding a marker. “This one is perfect. My class loves these Doodle Bears. The bear is cute, she can draw on it and wash it off, and Charlie isn’t gonna be pissed that it needs batteries or will take forever to set up. Perfect.” 

“Nice pick, Osita. Seems fitting.” 

“I keep forgetting that means bear. Guess it is fitting.” You giggled as you plucked the bear off the shelf and began heading back towards the front of the store to check out. As you walked side by side, Javi reached down to grab your hand and interlock his fingers with yours. Neither of you said anything, but you didn’t need to. The smile on both of your faces said everything. 

You made your way to the checkout lines, the store being fairly busy for a Sunday Afternoon. You settled on what seemed to be the shortest one, with only a mom, her husband and two little boys in front of you. 

“TYLER  AND SAMUEL DOOGAN, I SWEAR IF YOU DO NOT STOP CLIMBIN’ ALL OVER THIS CART THIS INSTANT, I WILL TAKE AWAY ALL OF YOUR POKÉMON CARDS FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER.” You could feel the frustration radiating from the petite woman in front of you without even seeing her face. She turned around to face her husband standing behind her, reading a video game magazine, completely oblivious to his children’s antics. “Randy, can you please just tell them to get off? BOYS, ENOUGH.” 

“Yeah, sure honey… Boys, you heard your mother, get down.” Randy muttered, not bothering to take his eyes off the magazine or even attempt to sound convincing. 

You said nothing, knowing all too well how big of a pain kids could be, but when you turned up to look at Javi, his face had gone ghost white. 

“Oh, fuck…” He muttered under his breath, just barely loud enough for you to hear. 

“You okay?” 

“Uh yeah, um-” His eyes darted frantically back and forth across the checkout aisles. “Um, it looks like there’s a shorter line over-” 

“Javi?” The woman’s Texan twang spoke to him with an unsettling sense of familiarity. 

“Hi, Lorraine.” 

Oh shit. The wires in your brain clicked as you remember your co-workers mentioning their disdain for this woman. You still weren’t quite sure of her connection to Javi, but given his drained face and her snappy demeanor, you had a feeling this woman was bad news. 

“Heard you’re back for good. How are things?” 

“Uh, yeah. They’re fine. How about you?” You could practically feel the tension in Javi’s body. 

“Fine. TYLER I SWEAR TO GOD.” She whipped her head around once again to yell at the fidgety boy. 

“Randy, you remember Javi.” 

Randy and Javi said nothing to each other and only exchanged painful grimaces, acknowledging the uncomfortable circumstance they found themselves in. 

“What the hell you doin’ at a Toys-R-Us?” 

You piped in, trying to give Javi any relief you could. “It’s um, my niece’s birthday. Just going shopping to get her something.” 

“And you are?” 

Stunned by her bluntness, you found yourself speechless. “Oh, um, I’m um-” 

“She’s my girlfriend.” 

His what?! 

Javi gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. This trip was definitely not going as expected. 

“Ah.” Her cold gaze met your shock. “Just be careful with this one.” 

“Lorraine…” 

“Fine, I won’t say anything else. Just figured she deserved a warning.” 

“Lorraine, enough.” You had never heard his voice get that stern. Whatever had gone on between them had definitely not ended on good terms. “Looks like you got what you wanted anyways.” He gestured to the two boys now running wild up and down the checkout line, and Randy absent mindedly staring into his magazine. 

If Lorraine’s looks could kill, Javi would be a dead man. Her brow scrunched deeper in anger. “Well, good to see you Javi.” She snapped back around as she picked up the bags at the end of the checkout aisle and grabbed both boys by the back of their shirts. “RANDY! Let’s go!” Finally coming to, Randy meandered behind, following Lorraine and the two squirming boys in her grasp. 

“Fuck me…” Javi whispered to himself, running both of his hands over his face. 

“Next in line!” 

You checked out silently, figuring waiting to get back to the car was a better place to discuss what the hell just happened. The only thing breaking the dead silence on the way back to the truck was the occasional grunt or heavy sigh from Javi. You both took your perspective seats in the car as he started the engine. 

“Soooooo… I’m not one to pry, but uh, what happened back there?” 

“Fuck, Osita, I’m so sorry.” His fists were basically white knuckling the steering wheel at this point. 

“Javi, why are you sorry?” 

“Just- fuck. Her and how she talked to you, you shouldn’t have to deal with that.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, she seemed delightful.” Javi stared at the roof of his car, breathing deeply. Jokes weren’t going to help the situation. You reached out to grab his arm, causing him to shift his gaze at you. “Javi, like I said, I don’t want to pry, but I promise, whatever you tell me, I’m not gonna judge you for it. I get that shit happens, and it obviously seems like Lorraine isn’t the nicest, I’m sure there’s a good reason for whatever happened between you two. 

He let out a few deep breaths, formulating his response. “It’s a long story.” 

“I’ve got plenty of time.” 

You grabbed his arm a little tighter, hoping that your sympathetic stare was enough to prove that you weren’t here to judge him for his past. 

“Okay. Are you hungry? Do you wanna get lunch and talk about it?” 

“I can always eat. What’d you have in mind?” 

“There’s a sandwich place a few minutes from here. Been going there a lot since I started the new job. It’s pretty good. Does that work?” 

“Love me a good sandwich. Sounds great, Javi.” 

He nodded as you gave his muscles one more squeeze before letting him go so he could back out of his parking spot. You waited until he was back on the road to bring up the other no so subtle bomb that had just been dropped. 

“Girlfriend, huh?” 

A smile finally made its way back to his face. 

“Uh, yeah. If uh, if that’s something you want. I know it’s um, kinda fast, but I really like you Osita.” 

“I don’t know, I just really want to spend all my time hanging out with this super hot dude who’s sweet and funny and is the best sex I’ve ever had… but him being my boyfriend… I’m not sure…” you giggled and smirked at him. 

“Best sex you’ve ever had, huh?” He smirked back at you and raised his eyebrows. 

“Don’t let it go to your head too much.” You rolled your eyes and shrugged at him. “I really like you too, Javi. I would love to be your girlfriend.” 

Both your faces spread wide with childish grins as you reached over to grab Javi’s hand and intertwine it with yours. Girlfriend. It had a nice ring to it. 

Pulling into the small parking lot of Alejandro’s Deli and Sandwiches, you released your hand from his to cup his face, kissing him long and intensely. 

“You ready, boyfriend?” Putting an extra emphasis on the last word. 

“Yes, let’s go, you dork.” 

The shop was small and well loved, and was clearly a favorite in the area. Past the deli counter were a few small sets of tables and chairs, where people were scattered about enjoying their food. As you waited in line and stared at the menu board, Javi’s hand never left yours. 

“What are you thinking of getting?” Javi could clearly tell you were having a hard time deciding as the line continued to move forward. 

“You’re the sandwich expert here, what do you normally get?” 

“Either the club or the roast beef. Everyone says the BLT is good too.” 

“Winner, winner, BLT dinner. I was trying to decide between that one and the Italian, but a BLT sounds SO good right now.” 

“Do you want to go grab a table for us while I order? It gets busy here and there’s an open spot in the back corner.” 

“Sure!” You let go of his hand to begin rummaging through your purse. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Looking through my purse for the other BLT I had stored in here. I’m getting money so I can pay for my sandwich.” 

“You’re not paying for the sandwich.” 

“Let me pay for it!” 

“You’re not paying for it.” 

“Ugh, Javier Peña, don’t deny that you are just as stubborn as I am. Fine, thank you for the sandwich.” 

You sat your things down in the windowsill next to the corner in the back of the shop as you waited for Javi to join you. You looked around to see cute photos of what you assumed was Alejandro’s family, a man eating a sandwich as long as him, and 3 kids chasing a dog who had stolen their lunch. Javi returned quickly with your orders, plus a bag of chips and a chocolate chip cookie. “Chips and a cookie? A man after my own heart. Thank you again, this place is super cute!” 

“Yeah the guys at the station suggested my first day because my dumbass forgot my lunch.” 

You took a big bite of your sandwich as Javi spoke. “Well it’s a 10 out of 10 suggestion, this is the best sandwich I have had in so long.” You took a few more bites before working up the courage to bring up the reason you were eating sandwiches in the first place. “So… Lorraine.” 

Javi wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and let out a heavy sigh before he spoke. “Yeah… Lorraine.” 

You reached across the table to grab his hand. “Javi, like I said before, I’m not here to judge. I get that things happen. I promise, it’s not gonna make me think any less of you.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because I know you’re a good person.” 

Fuck. That one hit Javi in a way that he wasn’t sure how to feel. In his heart, he had convinced himself that he was the exact opposite. He wasn’t a good person. He didn’t deserve to have people think he was. He wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t someone that people should celebrate. A good person was the last thing he considered himself to be. But here you were. He has let you in to see the glimpses of his past and it only made you want him more. You wanted to be his girlfriend. You wanted to be with him. Despite the things he had done, and the person he so desperately wanted to separate himself from. You cared about him. 

“You really want the whole story?” 

“I have a full belly, handsome man to stare at while I listen, and all the time in the world. Yes. Full story.” 

With a deep breath, Javi began to explain how he had met Lorraine in high school. On a dare from his friends, he asked Lorraine to prom after she had broken up with her all star quarterback boyfriend, and desperate not to go to her Senior year dance alone, she said yes. Things were never really great between them, Javi admitted they were young, stupid and horny, and when it was time for them to leave for different colleges, he had tried to put an end to things. That didn’t stop her from calling Javi every time she was at Texas A&M to visit friends to hook up with him and fuck with his head enough to make him reconsider things, until she left again, leaving him feeling dejected and empty. This went on until they both found themselves back in Laredo after graduating college, Javi working on his family ranch while applying for various law enforcement jobs and Lorraine working at her aunt’s flower shop. Now both back in the same place, Lorraine had approached Javi about wanting to try things again. He didn’t love the idea, but it didn’t stop them from hooking up in the back of his truck after he took her out for dinner a few days later. 

A few weeks went by and Javi didn’t hear much from Lorraine, until one day he got a frantic phone call telling him to meet her as soon as possible. Once they were together, Javi found Lorraine crying in the diner parking lot she chose to have him meet at, and their conversation went a little like this: 

“Lorraine, what’s wrong?” 

“I missed my period. It’s two weeks late.” 

“Fuck. How? We used a condom, right?” 

“Yes. I don’t know Javi, apparently it can still happen.” 

“Fuck me. Shit, um, okay. Okay, fuck. What do you want to do?” 

“I don’t want all of Laredo to know that you knocked me up on a one night stand. God dammit, Javi, I don’t know? It doesn't look as bad if we were engaged or married, or something!” 

“Married?! Lorraine…” 

“Do you have a better idea?” 

He didn’t. And in that moment, he panicked. How could he not? There was nothing less he wanted than to spend the rest of his life with Lorraine, let alone have a child with her. But he wasn’t going to leave this baby without a father and felt so awful about what he had done to Lorraine. He drove home that night, tears streaming down his face as he tried to come to grips with his fate. 

The next two months were a whirlwind, Lorraine trying to plan the wedding as fast as possible to avoid any suspicions of looking pregnant. Flowers, catering, decorations, terrible, uncomfortable suits, Javi hated every moment of it. He was miserable. His parents knew something wasn’t right, despite Javi’s efforts to convince them otherwise. They never cared much for Lorraine to begin with, and the unfortunate circumstances weren’t helping. 

A week before the wedding, Javi received a phone call, which to his relief, wasn’t Lorraine. It was a call from a secretary at the DEA office in Texas, asking if Javi wanted to come in and interview for a position. It was the first shred of hope he had felt in months, gladly offering to come in the next day. The interview went so well, the hiring agents offered him the position on the spot. There was only one catch. He was going to be stationed in Colombia, and he needed to leave by the end of the month. When he left, he thanked the team for their time, and told him that he would think about it. Everything in his body wanted to scream “I’ll leave right now, please, anything to get me out of the hell that I’m currently living in!” But he knew he needed to think about it first before he just up and left. 

His brain stewed over his possibilities for the next few days, leaving him more absent minded about his impending wedding, even though it was less than a week away. The night before his big day, he couldn’t have felt worse. Lorraine had called him to come over and finish up last minute plans before the day came, and begrudgingly, Javi was at her house, listening to her frantically list of things that needed to happen before tomorrow. Javi didn’t hear a single word that came out of her mouth, and excused himself to go to her bathroom to try and get a moment of peace. After washing his hands, he looked down at the trash can next to the vanity. The next thing he knew, he was carrying the waste basket to Lorraine, using every last ounce of self restraint he had not to completely lose it. 

“Lorraine.” 

“What?” 

“What the fuck is this?” He held up the waste basket, his hands shaking. 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Javi?” 

“You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about Lorraine. Why the fuck is your trashcan filled with tampon wrappers and a fucking negative pregnancy test?!” 

She sat in silence. 

“Lorraine, fucking answer me!” 

“My period started last week.” 

“And you weren’t going to tell me?!”

“Javi, the wedding is less than a week away!” 

“Lorraine, that was the whole fucking reason we were doing this in the first place! What did you expect, for me just to not notice when you didn’t have a kid 7 months from now?! Jesus Fucking Christ.” 

“What did you want me to do, Javi?! I can’t just call off the wedding, my parents paid a lot of money for this, there are people coming from all over! It would be embarrassing!” 

“I can’t fucking believe this. You were actually going to go through with this and didn’t even care if you told me that you weren’t really pregnant. Unbelievable.” Slamming the trashcan down on the ground, Javi stormed out the door. 

“Javi, wait!” 

“Fuck you, Lorraine.” 

There was no use trying to deny it anymore. When Javi came home, he broke down to his parents what had happened and how this whole mess had begun in the first place. She wasn’t pregnant, he didn’t want to marry her, he wanted to get as far away as possible from the wake of destruction he had left in his past. He practically begged his parents to drop him off at the airport, wanting to leave as soon as he could. As much as his parents hated to see him go, they couldn’t contribute to the pain and guilt their son already felt. That night was spent calling the DEA to accept the position, packing everything Javi could fit in a suitcase and hugging his mom and dad tightly as he said his goodbyes and got ready to board the next plane to Colombia. The next day, Lorraine was so busy preparing herself and getting ready for the wedding, making sure everyone knew the day revolved around her, that she had no idea Javi was already on a plane across the country. It wasn’t until all of the guests were seated and waiting in the pews of the church that they had figured out Javi was gone. 

Lorraine had obviously come to some peace about it, hearing through the phone calls with his parents that 8 months later she was engaged to some guy named Randy who had some big wig job in finance. He had been home not too long ago, HR mandating that he had to use some of his PTO days he refused to take, to attend a wedding of one of his dad’s cousins, where he saw Lorraine for the first time since he had left her at the alter. She had been nicer to Javi then, perhaps taking pity on the fact that he looked so sad and desperate as he tried to talk with her. There must have been something about seeing Javi happy with another woman that absolutely set her ablaze, leaving you in the wake of the mess that was Lorraine Doogan. 

Javi finished his story with a deep breath and another run of his hand across his face. 

“Javi, holy shit.” 

“You ready to take back that ‘you’re a good person’ comment yet?” 

One hand reached up to cup the side of his strong jaw, while the other grabbed his hand resting on the table that had been curled up in a fist the entirety of telling his story. “Javi, what are you talking about? Of course not. What Lorraine did you was so fucked up, trying to trap you into marrying her with an imaginary baby because she was too embarrassed to say otherwise? I’m so sorry that happened to you, Javi.” 

His only response was a half forced smile, his eyes still staring down at the table. 

“If it makes you feel any better, her kids are absolute assholes- I know it’s mean to say that about a kid, but it’s true. They go to my school and they’re in the office every day getting yelled at for doing something stupid. To be honest, I kind of think you dodged a bullet on that one.” His face perked up a little more, letting out a small huff of laughter. You pushed his chin up, forcing him to look at you. 

“Javier Peña, look at me.” You could almost see the guilt and sadness welling in his eyes. “I do not think you are a terrible person. I promise. Thank you for telling me about this, I’m glad you trust me enough to let me know.” You leaned across the small table between you to give him a kiss. 

“Thanks, Osita.” 

“There’s nothing to thank me for. I’m here to listen whenever you want to talk. Whaddya say we go get the rest of these groceries so we can head back?” 

You gathered the remains of your lunch to throw away, taking the unopened bag of chips to go as you buckled back in for your final destination. The grocery store was in the complete opposite direction of your current location, so you began shuffling through the CD compartment in his glove box to try and pick out some music to lighten the mood for your drive. 

“Fleetwood Mac, AC/DC, Stevie Wonder, Kenny Rogers… The Grease Soundtrack?! You are a man of many different tastes, Mr. Peña.” 

“Okay, the Grease one Steve gave to me as a joke one year for my birthday.” 

“And yet, here it is in your car. That means you had to take it all the way back from Colombia with you, unpack it, AND put it in here.” You waved the CD around in your hands, mockingly. 

“...Some of the songs are kind of catchy.” 

“I knew it!” You popped the CD out of its case and into the radio. “What song do you want?” 

“I don’t really know the names of any of them…” 

You crossed your arms and smirked at him, knowing sooner or later, he'd give you a response. 

“.... You’re The One That I Want.” Javi admittedly defeated. 

“Don’t know any of the names, my ass.” You laughed to yourself as you skipped several tracks ahead to Javi’s song selection. 

You turned the volume up as you let the music play through John Travolta’s verse, curious to see if you could catch Javi singing along. By the time you were at Olivia Newton-John’s part, you had bursted into full out song, Javi snickering to himself watching your theatrics. 

“You better shape up, ‘cause I need a man. And my heart is set on youuuuuuuuu!” You continued your performance through your laughing and dancing. It didn’t take long for you to spy out of the corner of your eye, Javi beginning to mouth the words to himself. You had already teased him enough about his enjoyment of the song that you weren’t about to say a single thing as he sang along. It warmed your heart to see Javi bring down his guard, letting you further and further into the world he lived in. Even if all it was, was singing together in his car. As the song ended, Javi turned down the music, his face suddenly becoming more serious. 

“If you ever meet Steve, you have to swear to me you’ll never tell him about this. He will never let me live it down.” 

“I’m not sure… I know very little about Steve, but the thought of how much shit he’d give you for your deep, dark, Grease secret does sound entertaining.” 

Javi’s mood now having done a complete 180 from your last drive to the sandwich shop, you both headed into the grocery store happy and ready for the last part of your errands. Grabbing a cart, you headed through the produce section, starting with fruits. 

“Okay, list says I need apples, bananas, blueberries and maybe strawberries if they’re good.” You both casually strolled, Javi reaching for the items from your list closest to you and putting them into your cart as you continued on your journey. You made your way through vegetables next, Javi very explicitly stating his distaste for the carrot sticks you had on your list. 

“They’re so crunchy and bland, and they just remind me of feeding the horses.” 

“You have horses at your ranch?” 

“Yup, a few of them. Some of our family keeps their horses there, but Pops and I take care of them all.” 

“That’s so cool! Do you have any other animals there?” 

“Cows and sheep mostly. Some random chickens that we can’t seem to get rid of.” 

“That’s amazing. The reason I chose Laredo to move to is because my best friend from elementary school moved down here when we were in high school, and I would visit her family every summer on their ranch. She always made fun of me for how it seemed like I was always more excited to see the animals than her.”  

“You can come over to the ranch and see the animals if you want.” 

“Really?!” 

“Any time, Osita.” 

You threw another bag of carrots into your cart. “If I want these horses to like me, I gotta bribe them with something!” Javi laughed, picking the bag up and putting it back with the other carrots. 

“Baby, we have plenty of carrots at the ranch. I’m not eating any extras you get.” 

You breezed through the rest of your trip, quickly filling up your cart as you and Javi talked more about his ranch, any other foods that fell into the same category as carrots (you were thankful that you both collectively agreed that olives belonged in the same realm), and made fun of you as you put the largest sized vanilla coffee creamer in with the rest of your items. Your checkout line experience was much more pleasant than the one you had experienced a few hours ago. Javi knew the older, frail man working the register, greeting him politely. 

“Hi Mr. Garcia, how are you?” 

“Javier Peña. Good to see you son. I heard from Chucho you ditched him at the ranch for a new job at the sheriff’s department.” 

“I don’t know if ditch is the right word, still try to help out while I can.” 

Polite smiles were exchanged as you continued to load items from your cart onto the conveyor belt. 

“I don’t think I’ve met your wife before.” Mr. Garcia now looking at you. Javi just about dropped the carton of eggs he was carrying before responding. Part of him almost didn’t even want to correct it. 

“Uh, no, um, girlfriend.” 

“Well, she’s a cutie.” Mr. Garcia winked at you before you raised your eyebrows to smirk at a now very flustered and embarrassed Javi. 

“I don’t know, Jav. Looks like you’ve got some competition. Mr. Garcia seems like a real catch.” You playfully winked back at him, causing the old man to rumble with laughter. 

“And funny too.” 

You loaded the bags back into your cart and paid for your groceries. As you were sorting, you overhead the two men talking. 

“She’s a keeper, Javier.” 

“Yeah, she is.” 

Now a little louder, Mr. Garcia helped you load the last bag into your cart before saying goodbye. “Nice to see you Javi. Nice to meet you too, sweetheart.” 

“Thanks Mr. Garcia, have a nice day!” 

You began loading your items into Javi’s trunk, watching as his biceps flexed deliciously as he lifted the bags up to put them away. You really had to convince yourself to focus on putting the rest of your groceries away. 

Your errands done for the day, you and Javi began the drive back to your apartment. It hadn’t hit you until you looked at the clock radio in his car that it was already 5 o’clock, and that your time with Javi was starting to dwindle, considering the fact that both of you had to work the next day. You glanced at him as he was driving, aviators propped on his face, the tanned skin of his chest exposed from the buttons he seemed to hate having done up, his arms grasping the steering wheel. The image of him made your heart race. Wanting to make sure you capitalized on your time, and realizing now you had zero self control, you were tempted to ask him to pull over his truck right then and there. No, you can make it until you get home, you horny idiot. You thought to yourself, knowing how pissed you would be if you ruined your groceries all because you couldn’t control yourself for a few more minutes. Subconsciously, you licked around your bottom lip, staring at the gorgeous man next to you. 

“Hermosa?” 

“Huh, what? Did you say something?” You shook your head to bring yourself back to reality. 

“I asked if we needed to stop anywhere before we went back to your apartment.” 

“Oh, no. I, uh, I don’t need anything else, sorry.” 

“Something on your mind?” Javi prodded, noticing that you hadn’t fully been paying attention. 

“No, nothing, I’m good.” He spotted the lie instantly. Grasping around the exposed meat of your thigh he gave it a squeeze before sliding his hand further up your leg. 

“Sure you don’t have anything on your mind?” His hand now at your hip, fingers dancing along the hem of your shorts, grazing your skin. He knew exactly what he was doing. Your breathing sped up as you let a gulp fall down your throat. At this point, you were only 5 minutes away from your apartment, but you were absolutely positive you were not going to make it that long. Fuck it, your groceries would be fine, right? 

“Pull over.” 

Thankful for the long stretches of dirt roads and pockets of abandoned buildings on your way back to your apartment, Javi quickly pulled off to an empty parking lot of a closed down store. You were practically jumping into his lap by the time he had put the car in park. Mouths and tongues clashed as you pulled yourselves into one another. Your kissing reflected the sexual tension that had quickly built up in the truck only minutes ago as you frantically moved about. Feeling how worked up you were already, you sought to seek some form of relief by grinding down on the seam of Javi’s jeans, relieving some of the ache between your legs. Javi grabbed your hips, his fingers digging into the outside of your shorts as he pushed you down into him. He reciprocated the motion, pushing himself up into you, no better than two horny teenagers dry humping in the secret of their parent’s basement. Javi kissed your neck before the tickle of his mustache crept near your ear. 

“So needy, baby. Couldn’t wait ‘till we got back, huh?” 

In between your mouths meeting you were able to break away for a few moments to respond. 

“Well if my boyfriend wasn’t so fucking hot it would have made it a lot easier. I want you so bad Javi.” 

Just like that, Javi had you stripped down to your bra, practically ripping your tank top off you. You helped him shuffle down your shorts and thong, taking a moment to smack it against your ass before it looked around your ankles. His hand reached down to palm around your pussy, already wet from the short time you had spent grinding into his lap. He ran his fingers up and down the length of your folds, collecting your slick before dipping inside of you. 

“Fuck Hermosa, always so wet for me. Want me to cum inside you like I did this morning? Fill you up? 

Before you could answer, his thumb began a frantic pace against your clit to match the pace his fingers pumped in and out of you. He pulled his face closer into your breasts, kissing around them and sucking on your pebbled nipples. Your hips grinded down on his hand, pushing his fingers deeper in you. You tilted your head back and moaned in pleasure. His fingers continued in and out, hitting the spongy spot deep inside you that made you feel like you were about to come undone. That, matched with his calloused thumb rubbing against your bundle of nerves had you on the edge of collapse.

 “Javi, fuck, fuck I’m almost there, I’m gonna-“ 

You felt the coil in your belly snap suddenly, as pleasure ran though you with a sheer intensity. Your hips came to a stop as you slumped into his body, breathing heavily. Your head rested in the crook of his neck as he whispered to you. 

“Such a good fucking girl. Always taking me so well.” 

As he watched you come down from your high, he gently pushed you further down his lap to undo his belt buckle and slide down his pants and boxers just low enough to let his already hard cock spring to its release. You scooted yourself further up again, licking your palm to wrap around Javi’s girth, stroking him a few times before raising your hips up to slowly sink down on his length. You gasped at the sweet sting of his size inside you, taking your time to adjust, lowering down on to him inch by inch. You both moaned as you bottomed out on him and you began to move yourself up and down, feeling him repeatedly filling you and hitting that incredible spot inside you. Javi wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to his chest as you sped up the intensity of your movements. Your clit rubbed against the jeans scrunched around his thighs as he began to lift his hips up into you. 

“You feel so good, baby. Feels so good so deep in me, fuck.” 

Javi watched you, awe struck as you continued to ride him, your boobs bouncing with each thrust, and head thrown back in pleasure as you bit down on your bottom lip. 

“Jesus, you’re perfect, Hermosa. So tight and wet, so fucking sexy. 

There was something about the low rasp of his voice singing your praises that absolutely made you lose your mind. The pace you now found both yourselves moving at was becoming fast and sloppy, so enthralled by each other, you could have cared less about the steering wheel digging into your back. You were filled by his deep, hard strokes, his dick repeatedly filling you and hitting you in a way that made your muscles begin to tense. Your fingers dug into his shoulders as he reached beneath you to rub your clit. The tension spread through your body, your orgasm making you scream in delight. The pulsing of your pussy squeezed around Javi’s cock, practically sending him over the edge with you. 

“Javi, holy fuck. I want you to come, baby. I want you to come inside me. It’s all yours.

Yours. You were all his. Your words sent him over the edge, knowing that he was the only one you wanted to be with. The only one to please you. The only one to make his mark inside of you. Only a few strokes more and Javi hit his high, letting out a low whimper as he felt himself release inside your warm, tight walls. His dick pulsed as his seed spilled into, leaving you two slumped into each other, breathless. A few moments after you both came to, you finally felt the wet spot you had left over Javi’s jeans, a mix of the two of you staining the denim. 

“Fuck, Javi, I’m sorry, I fucking ruined your jeans.” 

“They’re just jeans, Osita. Besides, it was fucking hot.” 

You could see the dark pools of his eyes growing darker with lust as he reached down to the inside of your thigh, dripping with the combination of your release. 

“Will you keep me inside you, baby? Keep you inside me so you know that you’re mine even when I have to leave?” 

“Fuck, yes.” 

Fuck. His request filled you with joy and hurt at the same time. You were his. Fucking his. At the same time, the thought of having come back to reality after the fantasy you had been living in the past 24 hours stung. 

“I don’t want you to have to leave.” Shit, was that too needy? He had just spent the whole day with you. The little voice in the back of your head screamed at you again. Don’t get too ahead of yourself. 

“I don’t want to have to leave either, Osita. I’m not going yet, I’ll hang out as long as I can. Would be a lot easier if we didn’t have to go to work tomorrow.” 

“Okay.” Phew. “I don’t mean to ruin this super sweet and sexy moment, but do you think you can take your dick out of me so my groceries don’t go bad?” 

You both laughed, Javi complying to your request as you shuffled off of his lap into the passenger seat, shimmying your clothes back on. He scooted his jeans back over him, tucking himself back in before doing up his belt buckle. 

The trip back to your apartment was  embarrassingly short, given that you couldn’t have made it approximately 4 more minutes before arriving back. Javi helped you gather your things, making fun of the thought of you trying to carry all your grocery bags up in one trip, you convincing him that you really could do it, if it was a smaller trip. Javi was very impressed with your organization as you put everything away in its exact spot, making unloading the groceries much quicker than expected. After you had finished, you looked back at Javi leaning against the counter. 

“Javi, that stain on your jeans looks like you peed yourself, I feel really bad. Do you want me to wash them for you? I don't want you to have to carry evidence from the scene of the crime back home with you. I have laundry I have to do anyway, it’s no big deal at all.” 

“That would probably be a good idea. Are you trying to get me to stay longer by holding my pants hostage in the wash?” You outstretched your hand. 

“Guilty, your honor. Pants me, Peña.” 

Another reason you had chosen your apartment was the in unit washer and dryer. The pain of having to haul your laundry from your 11th floor Chicago apartment down to a basement that looked like it was straight out of a horror movie was one of your least favorite chores, so having the ability to clean your clothes from the comfort of your room was a plus. 

Javi undid his belt and slid both his pants and underwear down to the floor, leaving his bottom half very blatantly naked. 

“Oh shit, I forgot you didn’t have any other pants.” 

“Also part of your plan?” 

“Surprisingly, no. Oh, I actually think I have a pair of my brother’s shorts that accidentally got packed away with my stuff when I moved!” 

“I don’t mind.” 

“Don’t mind oing full Winnie the Pooh until your pants are clean? Javi, believe me, I am not mad about this.” you gestured to his crotch. “The problem is, if your dick keeps staring at me like that, I will literally get nothing done the rest of the day, and I have to at least try a LITTLE bit to be productive.” 

“Fair enough.” He waited as you shuffled through your drawers to find an old pair of gray cotton shorts, bringing them out and tossing them to him as you grabbed your hamper, made your way to the laundry room, and filled up your washer with your dirty clothes and Javi’s pants. After you had started up the wash cycle, you made your way back to the kitchen, where Javi was still standing, now covered by the shorts you had given him. 

“God dammit, Javi.” 

“What?” His face surprised as you came back into the kitchen. 

“I think the shorts are making it worse.” 

“What worse?” 

“You might as well be naked, cause I can see… Well let’s just say that there’s very little left to the imagination and I will be using every ounce of willpower to keep myself from crawling all over you. Do you realize how hot you are? It’s truly not fair. Okay, let me just stare at you for one more second and then I can move on.” You crossed your arms as you looked Javi up and down while he chuckled to himself. 

“You good?” He laughed. 

“Good now.” You giggled, taking one more long look. 

“What else do you want to get done tonight?” 

“Well normally on Sunday I do laundry and just get ready for the week, make food, stuff like that. It makes it so much better, one, having you here, even though you’re making the getting things done part more challenging, and two because it’s finally the last week of school and the last time I have to do this again until August.” 

“When’s your last day of school?” 

“Thursday. Only 4 more days, even though it feels like it's going to be 154.” 

“Are you doing anything on Thursday?” 

“Besides collapsing into a pile from the relief that the school year is done, no. Why?” 

“Can I take you out to celebrate your last day of school?” 

You blushed. It shocked you how genuinely thoughtful Javi was. Or maybe, you had grown to accept your significant others not having any interest in you at all. There was one summer where it was the middle of July and Paul had asked you why you hadn’t been going into work, like he had literally forgotten what you did for a living, let alone take you out to celebrate it. 

“Are you asking me on a date, Javi?” You teased, playfully. 

He blushed too. “Yeah, if that’s okay.” 

“Of course it is. That’s really sweet of you. What do you have in mind?” 

“I was thinking about dinner and a movie? Since you seem to enjoy giving me such a hard time about the lack of movies I’m caught up on.” 

“I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate.” You leaned into him wrapping your arms around his neck and standing on your tiptoes to kiss him. “I really want to see you before, but the end of the school year is absolutely insane, and there’s school events every night this week.” 

“It’s okay, I remember how stressed my mom would be at the end of the year. The last week of school, my mom would tell me and my dad “Por favor. No me hables hasta los niños estan libres.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“Please don’t talk to me until the children are free.” 

“Your mom hit the nail on the head with that one. Well I’m really excited for Thursday, thanks Javi.”

“Me too, Osita.” 

You stared at each other for a moment in silence, taking the other in. Javi’s hand released itself from your waist to brush away hair from your face before cupping the side of your jaw to kiss you. Your heart sped up anytime Javi’s lips met yours, but there was something about this kiss that felt different. It was sweet. Tender. Gentle. The kind of kiss that screamed I’m so lucky you’re mine without saying a word. A kiss you hoped you’d never had to live without. 

“I like you a lot, Javi.” 

“I like you a lot too, Osita.” 

“Sooooo, I have at least another hour and a half of keeping your pants hostage, and we clearly need to get you up to speed on your movie knowledge before Thursday, do you want to pick something out to watch?” 

“Didn’t you say you had things you wanted to get done?” He raised an eyebrow at you. 

“Yeah, well, those can be tomorrow's problems. Go pick out a movie you haven’t seen yet and now that I have real food, I’ll go get some snacks for us while we watch!” 

“Sounds like a great plan.” He kissed the top of your head as you parted ways. You went to the kitchen to microwave a bag of popcorn while Javi spent a long time very intently staring at the VHS collection below your TV. You returned with a big bowl filled to the brim, curious to see what Javi’s pick would end up being. “Alright, I’m excited to see what we get to watch tonight!” You set the bowls down on the table at the end of your couch, unfolding one of the fluffy blankets you had draped over the end. 

“I have a feeling you’re gonna be happy we’re watching it, but not happy about the fact I picked it.” He took the VHS from behind his back and placed it on your lap. 

“NO. JAVI. YOU’VE NEVER SEEN STAR WARS?!” 

“No…” 

“SERIOUSLY?” 

“Technically I did see it once when I was in high school but I don’t remember anything about it because I took a girl on a date to go see it and we just sat in the back of the theater and made out the whole time.” 

“Romantic. Hate to break it to you, that will not be happening tonight if we’re watching this.” You patted the seat next to you on the couch, ushering him to go sit down as you pushed in the tape and pressed play. “I know I said Indiana Jones was my favorite movie but I actually think I lied. It’s 100% Star Wars.” 

Without hesitation, you curled up next to Javi resting your head into his shoulder, his arm wrapping around you and pulling you in closer as the theme music for the opening credits began blaring through your speakers. As the movie started, you could tell Javi was trying his hardest to watch intently, asking the occasional question to make sure he understood what was happening. 

“Why do the tiny people in the robes have no faces and yellow eyes? Are they supposed to be bad guys? They’re not very scary.” 

“They’re Jawwas, Javi. They’re little sand creatures that collect scrap parts and sell them. They’re not really good or bad, they just kind of hang out on Tatooine.” 

“Jesus, you’re a bigger nerd than I thought.” 

“Just shhhh and watch the movie.” You lovingly gave Javi a shove as he snickered. 

As the movie continued, the two of you found yourselves sinking further and further into the couch, Javi now laying flat on his back, head propped against the pillows, and you on top of him, head propped on his chest. One of his arms rested on top of your back, tracing back and forth along your shoulders, the other demolishing handfuls of popcorn from the bowl he had found next to him. Javi definitely didn’t strike you as someone who would be much of a cuddler, but in the short time you had spent with him, you quickly realized this man wanted to be touching you in some way, shape or form at all times. He may have looked tough, but this man was a big ole softie. Right around the point where Luke, Han and Chewie were making their way to break Princess Leia out of her cell, you pushed yourself up off of Javi with a quick kiss. 

“Hey wait, where are you going? It’s getting really good!” He grabbed your hand, almost pleading with his puppy dog eyes for you to stay on the couch with him. 

“I just have to go change the laundry to the dryer really quick, unless you wanna go home in wet denim. Also apparently get more popcorn “Mr. No I’m not that hungry, I don’t want any”. I’ll be right back, promise.” 

You gave him a quick kiss as you got up, threw another bag of popcorn in the microwave and moved your clothes to the dryer. Shaking the hot popcorn bag and refilling your bowl, you climbed back on top of Javi, nestling yourself comfortably against his broad frame. You were relieved that Javi was genuinely into the movie, making comments and remarks after big action scenes, popcorn making a constant path from the bowl to his mouth. He was like a 12 year old boy trapped in a grown man’s body. It made you wonder how many other people had gotten to see this side of Javi before. It was no secret to you that whatever past he carried weighed on him heavily. His mom, Lorraine, Colombia. Even though you didn’t know the whole story, it made you hopeful to think you could be part of a new chapter that brought him a little more joy than he had before. 

As the ending scene credits rolled, you leaned your head up to him. “Soooooo… what’d ya think? Better than a high school make out session in a dark movie theater?” 

“There’s other ones right? Can we watch more of them? Osita, I can see why you like this so much. There’s some stuff in it that’s fuckin’ weird, but I guess it’s space, but it was really good.” 

“Absolutely we can. I do hope you know, the more we watch, the nerdier I will get.” 

As the VHS ended and a silence filled the room, you realized the dryer was finished and had stopped running, and the monotonous tick of the clock behind your TV read 9:17 PM. You couldn’t bring yourself to ask Javi to leave. How could you? But your lack of accomplished to-do’s and the looming screams of 8 and 9 year olds at 7:30 tomorrow morning already had you feeling the impending headache already building behind your eyes. The huff of disappointment you let out of you was much louder than you had hoped, and Javi knew exactly why. 

“I don’t want to go either, Osita. But tomorrow is gonna kick both of our asses if I don’t leave.” 

“Yeah, I know…” your lip let out a pout. 

“Thursday will come fast, I promise. Even if I can’t see you, I’ll call you and we can at least talk on the phone if you’re up for it.” 

“Fine. I will release you and your jeans from my custody. Let me go grab them for you.” 

Hopping off the couch, you threw your clean clothes back into your hamper to be sorted later, pulling out Javi’s jeans and boxers to give back to him. 

Bringing the pair back to the couch, you found Javi leaning against the back of your couch, waiting for you to return. 

“Just so you know, in this apartment, there is a 3 kiss minimum to obtain any clothing items belonging to your bottom half.” You pressed into him, dangling the pants and underwear in your outstretched arm. 

“What happens if I give you more than 3?” 

“You can use them as a down payment towards your next set of pants you need to get back from me.” 

“God, you’re such a dork.” 

“Kiss me or lose the pants, Peña. Choice is yours.” 

You shrieked and dropped the jeans as Javi suddenly wrapped his arms underneath you and lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. 

“One…” He leaned in to peck your lips in between your giggles. 

“Two…” Another kiss landed on your mouth, a little longer than the last. 

“Three.” A final slow and sweet set of lips grazed across yours, his mustache tickling you as he pulled away and set you gently back on your feet. 

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” 

Javi laughed as he reached down for his clothes, shuffling the gray shorts down his legs, and exchanging them for his boxers and jeans. “Could be worse.” As he finished running his belt through the jean’s loopholes, you went to your fridge to rip a fresh piece of paper from your grocery list, and began scribbling. 

“For you.” You reached out your arm, handing Javi a note with your phone number and a smiley face and a cute doodle of a bear. 

“Thanks, Osita.” You found yourself both begrudgingly making your way to the front door, as Javi slipped on his shoes and grabbed his keys, finally admitting defeat that the weekend had to come to an end. 

“Will you call me when you get home so I know you made it back safe?” 

“Of course.” He reached down to cup your face, your lips meeting one last time, savoring every sweet second before he pulled away to run a hand through your hair and kiss the top of your head. “I’ll pick you up on Thursday, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He reached down for the doorknob, slowly twisting it and opening the door, revealing the empty hallway he was about to walk down. “I’ll see you soon, Osita.” 

“Not soon enough. See you on Thursday, Javi.” 

He gave your outstretched hand one more squeeze before finally letting go, the door quietly clicking as it shut behind him. 

In that moment, there was one thing you knew for certain. You had it bad for Javier Peña.

Finally coming down from your lovestruck high, you looked around your apartment to realize you had done very few things on your list to get ready for tomorrow. Mentally prioritizing, you cleaned up your living room, laid out your clothes, and changed your sheets, making a note that if you were going to keep seeing Javi like this, there needed to be more in the rotation. Once you finished, you brought your laundry out to the living room, turning on the TV and folding, waiting for Javi to call. 

Little did you know, Javi spent the entire rest of his ride home imagining you by his side, as listened to the rest of the Grease soundtrack. 

As he pulled into the ranch and made his way into the house, he had never been more relieved to find his dad passed out in his armchair with the TV blasting, thankful to avoid questionings about his whereabouts- at least for now. 

Quietly making his way to his room and closing the door, he took the cell phone out of his back pocket, along with your note, and pressed his fingers into each number. 

You barely let one ring go by before dropping the laundry that was in your hands and springing towards the phone. 

“Hi, Javi.” 

“How’d you know it was me?” 

“Not many people are calling me at 9:45 at night just to chat. You make it home okay?” 

“Yeah, I did. I’ll let you get to bed, but I just wanted to let you know I had a lot of fun this weekend. I’m uh, I’m really glad that you like spending time with me.” 

“I am too, Javi. I haven’t had this much fun in a really long time.”

“I’ll call you later this week and we can talk details for Thursday?” 

“Sounds like a plan to me.” 

“Okay. Duerme bien y dolces sueños, Osita.” 

Something about his voice in Spanish practically melted your heart. “Something about good and sweet?” You tried to translate. 

“Sleep well and sweet dreams.” 

“Well in that case, duerme bien y dolces sueños a ti tambien, Javi.” 

“Bye, Osita.” 

“Bye.” 

After hearing the click on the end of your line, you hung your phone back on the receiver, putting your hands in your face and letting out a little scream to yourself.  Yeah, you had it REAL bad for Javier Peña.

[g4yforethan]

angel

pairing: ken x male!reader

summary: reader runs into ken who is immediately in love

warnings: kissing ig

a/n: this was rushed so my apologizes but i loved the new barbie movie sm so more ken content is on the way!

it was a regular day for you. well it was your day off so you had decided to spend the day at the beach. you grabbed your skateboard and a blanket and headed over to venice beach. while walking down the street, you noticed a man who seemed to be in 80s disco apparel and roller skating. you thought nothing of it as you have seen way worse in venice beach. he was alone and noticed you walking. “hey. hi there!” he yells at you and smiles. you smile back but give him a signal you are uninterested to talk. “hey man! i’m new here so do you think you could give me a few tips on how to survive here?” you laugh at his dramatic but quirky personality. “haha where are you from even?” “i’m from barbieland.” you look at him with confusion. “um…i’m sorry- wait did you just say…” “barbieland?” “yes. are you for real or are you just joking with me?” you didn’t know if he was okay mentally or had just smoken some weed but he did look like a real life ken. a very handsome ken. “yes i’m here because i wanted to give a shot at the real world” “well trust me the real world isn’t all rainbows and sunshine.”

“then i’m here to fix that! but first i’m feeling rather hungry. what do you usually eat?” “mhm i mean there’s a mcdoanlds up the road. we can check that out.” “yes let’s.” you notice him eyeing you the walk to the restaurant. like he couldn’t take his eyes off of you and always felt like he wanted to say something to you but something in him told him not to say it. you two got to the mcdonald’s and ordered two cheeseburgers and fries. “so got a girlfriend or anything?” “aww why are you asking? you tryna take me out on date?” “well yes! i mean this is sorta like a date.” “i thought ken only went for barbie. not ken going for another ken.” “i mean in barbieland we’re pretty open to anything and right now i’m pretty open to the idea of the two of us going out.” you blushed and didn’t think ken would be so flirty with you. “haha this has been fun “ken” but i should probably get home. have fun in the real world.” “wait- i don’t know where to stay tonight. do you think i could spend the night with you?” you didn’t know whether to say yes or no but you gave in.

that night, you laid out several blankets and pillows on the couch for ken. “there you go. well goodnight ken.” “goodnight whatever your name is.” you laughed realized you never told ken your name. “i’m y/n ken. that’s my name.” “oh well goodnight y/n!” you smile at him and head back to your bedroom. you start to fall asleep until you hear a knock at your door. you open the door and it's ken. "oh hi ken! what is it?" "i'm sorry to bother you y/n but i can't quite fall asleep so i was thinking that maybe i could-well i- if i could sleep with you?" you're taken back by his request but saw his face which looked like he was begging for affection. "uhh yeah sure come on in" you made space for him in your bed and he faced your way, eyes locked on you. "why are you staring at me like that?" "i just think you're really handsome y/n. i guess you can say it’s love at first sight.” you cringe at his flirting but found it really cute. “aww well thank you so much ken. you’re a cute one too.” he laughs and blushes at your compliment. “can i give you a kiss?” you’re taken back by his question. “oh um i mean- yea sure.” he leans in for a kiss and kisses you on the lips. “wow you’re a really great kisser! you kiss better than barbie!” you laugh at his comment. you kiss again for a while, touching his biceps and shoulders. "so does that make us boyfriend and boyfriend?" ken asks you with a smile on his face. "maybe but we'll have to see." he gives a disappointed face but you smile and put his hand around your waist and his face on your neck. "goodnight ken." "goodnight y/n. i love you!" "love you too!"

[jamdoughnutmagician]

Young Dumb Thrills

Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Summary:One things leads to another after Eddie confesses something to you on your Friday night movie nights. (Sorry I suck at summaries!)

Warnings:Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Smut, Confessions of Love, Making Out, Pet Names (perhaps an overuse of Eddie calling the reader “Sugar” but Eddie is a “Sugar” kind of guy and I will die on this hill), Grinding, Nipple Play, Oral (F receiving), VERY BRIEF Sub!Eddie (like mentioned in ONE sentence) Unprotected Sex, Cowgirl Position, Hand-jobs. Slight spoilers for 80s Star Wars movies (but nothing that nobody didn't know already

Word Count:2,706 

Author's Note:I think my horny brain took over when I wrote this tbh, so if there’s any mistakes which I hope there isn’t then that’ll be why. Also I wasn’t about to waste the opportunity to name this fic after a McFly song (it came up in my playlist whilst I was writing it and I just felt like it fit)

At the knock on his trailer door, Eddie rushed up from his seat to open the door. He opened it to greet the familiar face that he knew would be waiting for him behind it. It was a Friday night, and that meant only one thing. Friday night was movie night with his best friend. It was a tradition that they started years ago, and Eddie looked forward to spending his evenings eating trashy snack foods and laughing at the bad movies with his closest friend.

Eddie had known you from when you were both kids, and you had moved to Hawkins. You lived a few trailers down from him and being the only other kid his age in that trailer park, you two had become fast and firm friends.

The other reason why Eddie looked forward to your shared movie nights, was something of a secret, and one that he kept to himself, and had done for years. 

Eddie had a huge crush on you. You were always very sweet and kind to him. Made him laugh until he was crying, and were always there for him through those rough patches, where the loneliness would seep in whilst his uncle would work long night shifts at the plant.

Not to mention he also found you crazy attractive, with gorgeous eyes, and a warm smile it was very easy for him to fall in love with you. 

“Hey! Come on in!” Eddie welcomed you warmly into the trailer.

“So I swung by Family Video! I picked out ‘Raiders of The Lost Ark’, since I know you missed it when it was in the cinema and wanted to watch it!” you wiggled the video cassette in your hand excitedly, whilst your other hand hid behind your back “and then I figured, why not make tonight a double feature? So I also picked out ‘Temple of Doom’” you beamed as you showed him the other cassette in your other hand.

“Awesome! Tell you what, I’ll go make a start on the popcorn, and you go set up the video! I trust coca-cola is still your drink of choice, m’lady?” he throws over his shoulder as he makes his way to the small kitchen to put the popcorn in the microwave.

“It very much is still my drink of choice, my good sir” you reply with a chuckle

_____________________

It wasn't unusual for you two to get close to each other on movie nights, more often than not you would end up with your head resting on Eddie's shoulder. He liked to joke how you had probably never seen the ending of any movie you’ve watched with him. The best was when you had, unsurprisingly fallen asleep on him during your first watch of ‘Return of The Jedi’ and thus followed what Eddie had dubbed ‘The Great Luke and Leia Sibling Reveal of ‘83’ where the credits rolled on the vhs during your Star Wars marathon, he got to tell you all about how that scrawny kid that kissed the space princess in ‘Empire Strikes Back’ were actually brother and sister.

Still to this day, you didn’t believe him. Thinking this was some kind of long-running joke that he was keeping up.

With you sitting so comfortably next to him, Eddie’s body was tense, he was usually good at keeping his feelings for you under control, but there was something about the intoxicating smell of your shampoo invading his senses and just you being as cute as always that had the butterflies in his stomach fluttering like mad.

You could sense that Eddie had gone quiet, and didn’t seem like his usual joking self, making silly remarks on the film just to make you laugh. Pausing the film, you turned your eyes to him.

“Hey Ed, you okay?” you looked up at him, your eyes connecting with his big brown ones.

“Y-yeah, I-I’m alright..” he stumbles, not trusting his own voice to give him away.

“Are you sure? You seem awfully flush? Is it too warm in here? I can open a window for you if you like?” Damnit, Eddie thinks to himself, it wasn’t his voice that was giving him away, but rather the increasing heat of blush taking over his face.

“N-No it’s okay, sweetheart. I just…” Eddie trails off. Why was he just about to admit to his embarrassingly large crush on you? Perhaps he was more comfortable with you than even he realised? 

“You just what?” you pressed, setting your hand on top of his.

Huffing out a sigh, he couldn’t believe he was doing this. 

“I just..look…I’m going to tell you something, something real big, okay? But you have to promise me that you won’t laugh at me or anything okay?”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I like you, y/n” Eddie confesses.

“Yeah I like you too, Ed!” you beam back at him with a smile.

“No, I like like you, have done for a while too if i’m being completely honest” he insists.

“Yeah, me too!” your smile taking over your face.

“No, I mean I like you more than a friend..” he tells you. This was a big step for Eddie. Giving you his heart and trusting you enough to handle it with care and not break it.

“Eddie..” you started. “I like you too, perhaps more than I should as a friend. I've been wanting to say something for the longest time, I just never knew how to tell you” you confessed to him.

“Wait..wait..hold on. You’re telling me that you’ve got a crush on me? On me?” 

“Yeah I mean, how could I not? You’re just so adorable when you talk to me about your Hellfire campaigns, even though I know you know I don’t know anything about D&D. When you secretly learned ‘Material Girl’ on the guitar for my birthday that one year, even though it’s not “technically a guitar song” as you told me afterwards”

“Yeah, I remember Wayne would come home to me playing that song over and over to make sure I got it just right, I think he thought I was going crazy. Laughing at me saying how “he didn’t have me down as a Madonna fan.” Oh but it was worth it though, I mean the look on your face when I played it for you? It warmed my heart, Sugar”

“Sugar? Are we doing pet names already, Munson?” you gently teased.

“Well I..U-uh I guess it kind of slipped out" Eddie shyly admitted to you.

"Hey, I'm not mad at it, I actually kind of liked it, never been anyone's 'Sugar' before!'

'There's been something I wanna do for the longest time, and since I know now that we're on the same page, I just have to ask. Can I kiss you?" Eddie says, despite your confession of mutual admiration he's still unsure of himself. 

Swinging your legs over his body, you settle yourself down to sit on his lap. Making yourself comfortable, you place both your hands on either side of his face.

You feel his larger ring-adorned hands settle themselves on your hips.

“Eddie, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me that for ages” you say as you lean to tentatively place your lips against his.

He takes the hint to deepen this kiss, his warm plush lips parting to slip his tongue between your lips, in a desperate, long-awaited kiss.

However, now, with you sitting so prettily in his lap, kissing him like you needed it to survive, your hips are gently rolling themselves against his increasingly hardening length. 

  Reluctantly Eddie pulls away from you, your lips connected by a string of saliva.

“Sugar..Sugar, you gotta stop or this is all gonna be over a lot faster than you, and certainly I want it to be” he chuckles with a cheeky grin.

“How about we make things interesting then?” you say, feeling a sudden burst of confidence. Gripping your t-shirt at the bottom in twisted arms, you pull upwards to pull your shirt over your head, leaving you in your lace bra.

Eddie can hardly believe what’s unfolding before his eyes. The girl of his dreams, is sitting in his lap, scantily clad in her delicate lace bra and looking into his eyes with adoration. Sliding his hands upwards from where they were resting on your hips, his hands settled over your back, the clasp of your bra under his fingers. His brown eyes looking at you in a question.

“May I?” he questions, toying with your bra clasp.

“You may.” you nod.

That simple nod was all that Eddie needed to go ahead, popping the clasp of your bra with a quick flick of his guitarists fingers. He takes the straps off your shoulders and flings your bra to the corner of his room, she won’t be needing that, not if I can help it, he thinks to himself.

She’s beautiful, Eddie thinks. He already thought you were beautiful before, but now he’s looking at you, kiss-bitten lips and your naked chest heaving with anticipated breaths, and he thinks that you have never looked more stunning than you do in this moment.

He leans his head towards your breasts, letting his lips kiss over your tits, nipping a few hickeys here and there, before his mouth latches on to one of your nipples, sucking it into a hardened peak, and using his fingers to pluck and tease the other nipple.

The feel of Eddie’s soft lips leaving a trail of hot kisses over your breasts left you desperately whining and grinding into his lap even more, you needed more from him.

“Eddie…” you whined “Please...I need you..” 

“Well who am I to deny such a sweet request” he said as turned around with you in his arms, settling you down amongst the pillows on his bed. 

Caging you underneath his arms as he held himself up above you, his dark curls falling like curtains in front of his eyes.

“Wait..wait a minute” you say, slipping your hair tie off your wrist with a slight giggle, gathering his hair in a little bundle at the nape of his neck “There! That’s much better! Now I can see your handsome face!” you finish, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of his nose.

Now with his vision unimpaired by his long mane of hair, his lips begin their descent down your body, Laying kisses on every patch of skin he could find. Stopping at the waistband of your jeans, kissing just below your navel, before popping the button of your jeans and hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties, dragging them both down the length of your legs.

“Well, now that’s out of the way..let me do something that I’ve only ever dreamed of doing.” he smirks.

“Dreamed of?” you question. “My my, Ed how many times have you fantasised about me before?” you press again.

“Oh Sugar, you have no idea how many times I’ve lied where you’re lying right now, with my hand wrapped around my dick, just thinking about how pretty you would look cumming all over my tongue” 

“Well then don’t let me be the one to stop you from following your dreams, Munson” you giggled.

Eddie leaned his head down until he was face to face with your pussy, his tongue sneaks it's way out to wet his lips before going in to lick a long swipe from the very bottom of your wet slit to the top, the tip of his tongue flicking over your clit with little kitten licks. He swirled his tongue around your pussy a few times, the lewd slurping sounds echoing off his bedroom walls. Eddie slips his middle and ring fingers into the tight wet heat of your pussy, curling them upwards to press against that spot deep inside you that has your eyes screwing shut in pleasure. His other hand is placed firmly on your soft stomach, pressing down with a gentle pressure, his clunky metal rings a welcomed chilling sensation against the heat of your skin. 

“Come on, Sugar…I can feel this pretty pussy clenching on my fingers..” Eddie mumbles against you, just as he seals his lips around your clit, sucking it into the warm heat of his mouth.

“That’s it baby…you’re so beautiful…fuck..”

Continuing with his ministrations, it wasn’t long before you were coming around his fingers, with a moaning gasp. He delivers soft little kitten licks to your clit, as you come down from the high of your orgasm.

“I don’t know why we waited so long before doing that” you chuckle, as you try to catch your breath.

“Neither do I, but certainly want to do that again”

“There’ll be plenty of opportunities for that another time, right now I just want to ride you”

He Throws off his Judas Priest t-shirt and tugs his sweatpants down and tosses to some corner of his room, eager to feel you on top of him.

You take this opportunity to appreciate him in his full, naked glory, his tattoos like intricate artworks on the gallery that is his body.

“Get yourself comfortable on that bed, Munson.” you say, your eyes sparkling with desire.

“Yes Ma’am, don’t need to tell me twice”

“Good boy.” 

The heat on his cheeks rose, blushing further down his chest. Oh. He liked being called your good boy. You’d have to remember that.

Settling your body over his, you lick your tongue over your palm, before reaching behind you to stroke his cock a few times. Rising up on your thighs you slip the leaking tip of his cock inside you, and begin to slowly lower yourself over him inch by inch until he’s settled deep inside you. 

Placing both your hands down over his torso to steady yourself, you start to roll your hips, quickly falling into a steady rhythm that had both of you moaning. The creaking sounds of his bed fall into the background as you enjoy each other's bodies. His hips thrusting up to meet your hips grinding into his.

His hands find their place, gripping your hips.

“Fuck..Sugar..You look so sexy like this..Making me feel..fuck..feel so good.” he groans out.

One of his hands slips from its place on your hips, fingers finding their way to clit to rub deliberate circles.

“Eddie…” you cried out, the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening with each of his thrusts up into you.  “Please..don’t stop..I’m so close..” you desperately whine.

It didn’t take much more than a few more rolls of your hips, and Eddie’s skilled fingers on your clit before you were coming around his dick with silent scream. Slowing down your movements as you ride through the aftershocks of your orgasm.

What you hadn’t accounted for was that in the heat of the moment, you had forgotten to use any protection, and Eddie was warning you that he was quickly approaching his end, a consequence of your walls constricting around him.

“You gotta get off me, Sweets..I don’t think we’re quite ready to be parents yet..” he huffs, the few strands that have come loose from his bun sticking to his sweaty forehead.

Leaning forward you let his cock slip from your entrance, and reach back behind yourself to work him through the end of his orgasm with your hands. Twisting your closed fist over his sensitive head. That’s all it took for Eddie to spill rope after rope of his release all over your hand. His cum splattering his lower stomach and dribbling down your fingers.

Whilst he recovers and catches his breath below you, you take the opportunity to clean up your fingers, swiping your tongue over your digits, tasting his cum from where he had spilled in your hand.

“Fuck...Sugar..You can’t just do that. You’ll get me going again.” he chuckles breathlessly.

“Don’t worry about that, we’ve still got to make up for lost time.” you say leaning forward on his chest to capture his lips in a passionate kiss. “..And I plan on making every second count.”

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hello Cal!! 💕💕💕💕

Maximum for 🧜‍♂️ please!

I am LOVING this fic!

-❤️🪐

Hi Saturn! ❤️THANK YOU!!!!

1k for 🧜‍♂️:

---

 Like he needs the support right now. Eddie wants to give it to him. Carefully, he wraps an arm around Buck’s shoulders. Buck tips his head onto Eddie’s collar bone. 

“Thanks,” Buck mumbles. “For all of it.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Eddie says. “We have each other’s backs, right?”

Buck inhales sharply. “We do.”

🌊

The next few times Buck shifts in the water, it hurts. Not as badly. Not as intensely. Like his tail is growing more and more used to the pain. Still, he avoids it more than he would like. More than he should. More than his body needs. But the pain concerns him. Makes him think of the accident. So he avoids it, going to the ocean only when he becomes desperate. 

Instead, he focuses on getting back to work. He attends mandatory physical therapy appointments. The practitioner is also baffled at Buck’s speedy recovery process. 

“I’ve never seen anything like this for the injury and surgery you had,” she says. 

“Guess I’m just lucky,” Buck shrugs it off.

He is. He is lucky. He knows that. Just, sometimes he feels like a freak and not even a freak that gets to properly enjoy the water anymore. 

But it’s not all bad. He gets back to work in late June. A Fire Department legend, apparently. As long as that’s the only thing they think is legendary about him, he’s fine with it. Bobby is watching him like a hawk. Like he’s waiting for him to crumble to pieces. He doesn’t know why Buck is okay. That’s his own near death is why Buck is unharmed right now. A very strange thing to be grateful for. 

Plus, on top of work, he still has Eddie. Eddie, who he spends more time with nowadays than anyone. Eddie, who is without a doubt the best friend he’s ever had. Eddie, who is the only person who knows the weight of the secret on his shoulders. Eddie, who Buck has started to look at differently lately. 

It’s sort of strange, because Eddie is always making Buck feel things he didn’t really think were possible. For example, before he’d met Eddie - and for a good amount of time after he met Eddie - Buck would have confidently called himself straight. Comfortable in the fact that he’d been attracted to all the women he’s been with. Content with that identity. Not looking to explore. 

Except, if that were entirely true, things would be a bit different for Buck, wouldn’t they? He wouldn’t think about things like how Eddie’s eyes are so beautiful. His smile wouldn’t make Buck feel warm. Buck wouldn’t have wished, that day on the beach when Eddie held him, for Eddie to have touched more of him. He wouldn’t want to be around him all the time. He wouldn’t wonder about what kissing him would be like, when he is. 

Maybe Buck should do something about that. But he’s too damn chicken. 

🌻

It starts as a joke. 

Eddie swears. Just a joke. 

Buck is over one weekend day. Christopher is at a classmate’s birthday. Buck is sort of down. He tried shifting again recently and the pain was still there. They decided to take it easy. Movie, beers, chips.

“We should watch Splash. Study your culture,” Eddie had teased him.

“I don’t know what that is,” Buck says. “Is it set in Pennsylvania or something.”

“Oh my god, Buck,” Eddie had sighed. “We’re fixing this.”

Buck shrugs. “If you say so.”

“I do!” Eddie insists. “There’s a mermaid.”

“Oh?” Buck raises an eyebrow. “Is it a cartoon?”

“Just watch, Buck.”

And they do. Buck is delighted by it. The humor. The ‘unrealistic’ mermaid plot. Though, what does he know, really? He’s only met himself. 

There’s a strange moment, midway through the movie, where Tom Hanks’ character is dressed in 80s-style gym shorts. The type that are pretty short cut, reveal a lot of thigh. Buck shifts a little. He sort of looks at Eddie out of the corner of his eye, and then looks back at the screen.

“They’re both kind of hot, huh? Like, both leads?” Buck asks awkwardly. 

“Daryl Hannah and Tom Hanks?” Eddie asks.

Buck nods. 

Wait a minute. What is going on here? Buck is into Tom Hanks? A young Tom Hanks. Okay, yeah. Eddie can see the appeal. He certainly did as a kid watching this. But Buck? Buck isn’t… Is he? He called himself an ally. 

“Can’t say either of them do anything for me personally,” he replies, trying to keep it casual. “But I see the appeal.”

“Right, yeah, well…” Buck stammers. “Right.”

“Good job on the complete sentence, there,” Eddie teases. 

“Shut up,” Buck nudges him. 

They’re sitting a bit closer on the couch than they were when the movie started. 

Then it sort of takes another turn. See, it’s been years since Eddie has seen the movie. Well over a decade. Sophia used to watch it all the time, but Eddie started spending less and less time with his little sisters when life got… Well, complicated. Anyway, the point is, Eddie doesn’t remember it beat for beat. He doesn’t remember the scene where Madison is sprayed down with water leaving a party, by someone determined to out her, and shifts immediately, being photographed and mobbed and eventually taken by government scientists. 

Eddie can’t miss the way Buck tenses. Goes a little white. Honestly? Eddie feels it too. He’s not a merman, obviously. But the thought of being outed like that makes him queasy. And scared. Very scared. 

“I’m sorry,” he tells Buck. “I forgot about this scene. I… I can turn it off.”

“No,” Buck says. “It’s okay. I want to see how it ends.”

“I’m sorry,” Eddie mumbles again. 

“Don’t be, Eddie. It’s a movie.”

“But you know… You know I’d never let that happen to you, right? I’d… I’ll always protect your secret. I’d never-”

“You’re not always with me,” Buck says lowly. “And I have more control over it than her.”

[tommi3boy]

“I think you’re breathtaking to look at“| {SDV Harvey x GN! reader}

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: none

Pairing: Harvey x gn! Farmer

A/N: no name used, established relationship but not dating, slow burn confession

Summary: Harvey sees how sunburnt you’ve gotten and asks that you take a few days off from being in the sun. While you spend the day indoors, Harvey visits you and y’all do some Zumba together.

Like clockwork, you could find a handsome doctor at Gunther’s library every Saturday. This is the day of the week when you would normally come by and donate some of the relics you found to the libraries museum. Seeing Harvey outside the clinic was somehow refreshing, so you found yourself (un)intentionally picking up on his schedule. This Saturday was no different; Harvey was standing in the nonfiction section of the library, flipping through a hardcover book. He’s normally more relaxed and approachable at this time, so you went to greet him. “What’s a handsome fella like yourself doing with their face in a book?” The question slightly startled Harvey, his shoulders relaxed when he realized it was just you. “Hello to you too farmer” a soft smile suited Harvey’s face after realizing you called him handsome. However, that expression of his slowly dissipated once he studied your appearance more closely. “Your burnt to a crisp farmer! The summer UV’s are no joke, have you not been using proper sun protection?”

This interaction didn’t go how you planned, Harvey ended up lecturing you about the importance of sunscreen and said to take a few days break away from direct sunlight.

-

Because you respect Harvey’s judgement you’re now lathered in aloe vera, spending the day in your cabin. There was still daily upkeep needed on the farm so you got up before the sunrise; your poor chickens didn’t enjoy their beauty sleep being interrupted.

You were so used to running around all day with stuff lined up to do, that a break from it took you off guard. Almost like the feeling of being on edge, needing a way to stimulate that same routine of yours. This lend to you rummaging through your grandpas few belonging left in the cabin; you ended up finding an old phone book with numbers of the townsfolk. Most of the numbers were outdated; many of the names you didn’t recognize. But Evelyn and George’s home phone was scribbled out, as well as the Mayors. Unless the landlines in the townsfolk’s homes were disconnected, you bet you could eventually contact someone in the valley by going down the list on the old phone book.

-

Ring . Ring . Ring

“Hello? This is Pelican Town’s clinic, how may I help you?”

“Harvey! wow this thing really works, you’re one of the only people in town that still have their landline connected.”

“Farmer? Why are you calling the clinic, are you alright?”

“I’ve been screwed around with this phone all morning, I thought maybe it didn’t work because I wasn’t getting through to anyone but then I managed to get you on the line.”

“Sounds like an eventful morning, I’ve kept the line connected for my older clients, it tends to be easier for them to contact me with it.”

You felt like you were in an old 80s rom-com listening to Harvey speak on the phone. You imagined him leaned back in that old office chair behind the clinics counter. Was he excited to hear from you? He doesn’t sound very busy but that doesn’t mean he wants to sit and chat’ you thought to yourself.

“Alright, well I was just seeing if the phone worked, I’ll let you get back to work doctor.”

“O-, there’s not much work to be done actually, might close a little early today. How’s your sunburn? I have a good cream for burns if you need any.”

“It’s fine, I’m sure in a few days it’ll start to peel and I’ll get a fresh new layer of skin. I could use like, melatonin or something though; this lack of activity is making me all jittery.”

“Hm, well I wouldn’t recommend melatonin unless you exhibited sleep issues. Let’s see,, I normally get off in about 2 hours, but if you’d like I can do an at home visit and help you relieve some of that energy?”

Get your mind out of the gutter. This is a nice man trying to help you out, a very attractive one at that. If it wasn’t Harvey saying it you’d think that sort of offer was flirting. All your flirtatious efforts in the past directed at Harvey seem to go in one ear and out the other; he just doesn’t seem interested in that way.

“sure I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

“Alright then, let me close up the clinic and I’ll be over shortly.”

Your skin feels sort of tingly now, maybe it’s just from the sunburn.

-

Harvey arrived at your doorstep roughly 30 minutes later. He had changed from his work clothes into a more casual t-shirt and sweats; and was carrying a small tote bag. You noticed he was flushed in the face after walking all the way to your farm. When you invited him in, he pulled out an iPod and a small speaker from his bag and said “l thought you might be interested in doing a bit of Zumba with me.” ‘So that’s what he meant when he said he could help.’ It’s endearing how a few months ago he was practically begging you not to tell anyone he attends Caroline’s aerobic class, and is now asking you to do Zumba with him.

-

Once he set up the speaker, he shortly briefed you on doing either 1. You can copy him, or 2. Just make up your own groove. He then got an 80’s dance playlist on shuffle. Donna Summer’s ‘I Feel Love’ started playing, the small speaker was surprisingly loud. Harvey seemed to really be in the zone while he was trying to find his rhythm. Mostly light foot work at first, like he was warming his way up the body, then some shoulder shimmies; soon he seemed to be fully immersed in the upbeat music. It was honestly adorable that he felt comfortable enough to do this with you. You wanted to make sure that Harvey wasn’t the only dork in the room, so you quickly found your rhythm and started doing your own little thing. Out of all the people in town, you’d only let Harvey see this is side of you; by no means were you a good dancer. You didn’t feel judged in the slightest letting off some steam with him.

After 3 songs played and a lot of groofing off, you felt surprisingly winded, you hadn’t realize Zumba was this much of a workout. Once the 3rd song finished, you took a break and sat on the floor. Harvey quickly joined you trying to catch his own breath.

“God I didn’t know zumba was such a workout, that wiped me out quick”

You and Harvey laughed at the state both of you were in.

“It’s definitely more taxing than it looks, I could barely get through 1 song when I was starting out”

Harvey told you he had started going to Caroline’s classes roughly the same time you moved in to the valley.

“Were you trying to get in shape since a hot new face had moved in?” You were joking but the comment had Harvey turning his head away from you. You saw his ear turn red. The moment of silence was awkward since Harvey didn’t laugh at your flirtatious joke like he normally would.

“In all honesty, I think that might be true. When you moved in I felt more motivated to do things that would better myself. Looking back at it I wanted to catch your attention but I was never very up front about that kind of thing. I made it seem like I was solely doing it for health reasons.”

This response came as a shock to you, Harvey never really opened up to you like this. Internally cursing yourself for joking like that, you wanted the joke to be true but now that it is you’re at a loss for words. Harvey was patiently waiting for a response.

“If anyone else in this town had brought an iPod to my cabin and asked me to do Zumba with them, I’d say HELL no. You’re the only person in town I’d do this with.”

“, I’m glad to hear that farmer”

“You should try and be more up front with me about these kinds of things, I mean, I call you The Handsome Doctor like every other day”

“I can never tell if that’s a joke or not, if anything, your the one who should try and be more up front”

“I feel like calling you attractive is pretty up front”

“Alright well, I think you’re breathtaking to look at, even when you’re extremely sunburnt, so much so that I often have to not look at you or I lose my train of thought.”

You don’t know if you can handle up front Harvey. What are you supposed to say to that confession.

“You better watch out cuz you’re going to end up seeing this face a lot more now that you’ve said that” Your response sounded more like threatening than you wanted it to, why couldn’t you have said something sweet’ you thought.

“I’d love to see you more often farmer, I’m glad I got that off my chest.”

-

Harvey packed up his iPod and speaker shortly after that eventful conversation. The Zumba did in fact help your nerves, or maybe it was Harvey’s presence that put you at ease. You thanked Harvey for helping you, and he said “Let me know if you ever need a dance partner again, oh and here-”

Harvey handed you a bottle of sunscreen.

[yellowocaballero]

I admire your commitment to writing tim drake as having spent his formative childhood years on a different awful forum in every universe. it fills a conspicuous void in the fandom ecosystem.

I want to put this ask on my wall. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you so much.

Look, I think there are reasons why characters act the way they do. So often when writing Batfam people put in 0 work into actually establishing why or how a character is Like That, which feels necessary when the character is the most Like That of all time. You end up with a father-son or brotherly soulmates situations and it's bizarre. Why are you adopting this child you saved, you save fifty children a day and there is nothing special about him.

Tim Drake is a fucking freak and there needs to be a reason for that. Child neglect isn't enough. Somebody like Tim needs a very specific thing to happen in their lives to get them to the point of making his decisions. He needs to be obsessive, to spend time in a place that feeds and validates his obsessions, to be in a place where he can easily collect a great deal of data to construct a pathway model, and for all of this to happen without leaving his room. It has to be the internet. Tim is a guy who the internet churns out. I know he's from the 80s but Tim as a person is somebody who is so chronically online in the weirdest way. Not chronically online how WE'RE chronically online. He's on the weird forums. Like those military simulator game forums where military personnel post classified blueprints for future military tanks in order to win an argument. Those kinds.

If you were a domestic terrorist in the early 00s you were probably on Something Awful. All I can say (Actually, technically the SA thing is an anachronism - it didn't actually pick up until the early 00s. But it was the website that worked the best, explained the most, and I fucking needed to make the 'But he wouldn't tell her what the awful thing was' joke, so here we are). This is also the reason for the other anachronism of NW. Homestuck.

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 34

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Thanksgiving is just around the corner and Reader is planning Talia and Jamal's wedding when unexpected news happen.

Tags : Angst

TW : Mention of drug use - Mention of pregnancy

Author's Note : I hope you enjoy the chapter ❤️

Y/N’s POV

Ever since Marshall had informed you that Kim would be there for Thanksgiving, you were a little bit freaked out. However, you didn’t really bring up the topic, and neither did your boyfriend. After the conversation, you spent a few days pondering whether or not you should try and escape the situation. Not being American, Thanksgiving wasn’t important to you anyway so you wouldn’t mind skipping it or celebrating it the same way you had done since you came to the US - with Talia and Jamal. 

When you moved to Detroit, you quickly befriended Talia at the beginning of the school year. You were planning on spending your first Thanksgiving in your dorm room, on your own, watching a crappy movie and eating ramen, but she wouldn’t have it and invited you to spend the day with her, her boyfriend and her family. At first, you declined the invitation but she basically forced you to go and that’s how you met Jamal, as well as Talia’s mother and her three sisters. You got along with everyone and had an official, standing invitation for every holiday, your best friend’s family being just as warm and welcoming as her. Even when you were with your ex, you spent Thanksgiving with Talia. This year would be your first time celebrating it with someone else. When you told her about the change of plans, she was happy for you but made it clear that you would be missed. To be fair, you would miss them too. You didn’t know too much about how everyone else celebrated Thanksgiving, but Talia’s family certainly made it fun : everyone would spend the day cooking together in a relaxed atmosphere, making jokes, dancing to some 80s tunes and playing board games. 

You didn’t mind skipping this in order to celebrate with the man you loved, but knowing his ex-wife would be there certainly made you reconsider. However, he made it clear that he was looking forward to celebrating with you and told you how important it was for him that you be there. 

It’s a family holiday, he said. We’re officially living together, it doesn’t make sense to spend it apart, Y/N. We’re family, now. 

We’re still very new, you reminded him. What will your family think ? 

As far as they’re concerned, you can do no wrong, he chuckled. Apparently, they’re all relieved that my grumpy ass found someone who is actually willing to put up with me. And they all know and like you already. 

Except for your ex, you pointed out. 

Is that what it’s really about ? He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

You sighed and did not reply. Part of you thought that it was a good thing that Marshall and Kim were on friendly terms, for the sake of their daughters. It was a proof of maturity on their part and you had heard enough stories from your friends with divorced parents to know that it was actually a good thing. Everyone would like for their parents to be able to get along after a divorce. But being the partner of someone who was divorced made it a little challenging. After all, no one expected to spend a holiday with their boyfriend’s ex-wife, let alone relished the idea. 

I told you it will be fine, he said as he hugged you from behind while you were doing your skincare before bed. And it’s not just her, anyway. Everyone else will be there. 

Yes but she’s the only one I haven’t met yet, you said sheepishly. What if she hates me ? 

Why would she hate you ? He scoffed. 

Because I’m your girlfriend… Duh ? 

Look, Y/N, he said as he took your hands in his. Yes, Kim is my ex, and yes, we have a long and complicated history. But any form of romantic feeling between us is long gone. There won’t be any jealousy… On her part, at least. 

The end of his comment made you raise an eyebrow. 

You think I’m jealous of her ? You asked. 

I don’t know, he said with a smile. Are you ? 

I guess not, you shrugged. I do have many questions, though. 

So we’re gonna have that talk, huh ? He asked with a sigh. 

Do you mind ? 

No offense, babe, but even if I did… I know you well-enough to know that you’d toss and turn all night, and you'll drive yourself crazy and me as well. I love you, and I want to get some sleep tonight, so for both our sakes, let’s get this over with, he chuckled. 

Thank you, you said shyly as you felt your face redden a bit. 

You both sat in bed and you were nervously tugging on your nightgown, not really knowing where to start. 

I don’t have all night, though, he said playfully. Just ask your damn questions, babe. 

Did she sleep here ? You asked, as it was the first question that popped into your head - hell, maybe you were in her spot ! 

In this room or in this bed ? He asked. This is the master bedroom, so yeah, we slept here. The bed and mattress are new, though, if that’s any comfort. Next question ? 

Do you miss her, sometimes ? You asked nervously. 

He glanced at you and shook his head with a smile. 

What kind of question is that, Y/N ? He simply asked. Really ? You’re asking me if I miss her ? 

Can you blame me for wondering, though ? Everyone knows she’s the love of your life, your high-school sweetheart and stuff… 

Everyone also knows that our marriages were utter failures and that we drove each other crazy, he stated with an eye roll. 

So you never think about her ? You asked. 

That’s a different question. Of course I think about her often. 

Often ?! What the hell did he mean by that ? As he saw the expression on your face - that probably resembled that of a deer in headlights - he let out a laugh. 

I told you, babe, we have a history and three daughters, he said. Of course I think about her, whether it’s something about the girls or simply memories. I can’t erase twenty-plus years from my brain, you know ? But it doesn’t mean I miss her. I used to, for sure, but I don’t. Not anymore. You can think of the good times you had with someone without missing the relationship. 

I guess, you said. How do you feel about her now, then ? 

I mean… She’s the mother of my children and that will never change. In that regard, I respect her, because she’s doing her best to be a good mom, too. I might not always agree with her, in fact there’s a lot of shit we disagree on, but she’s high in my esteem. Also because she put up with a lot of me and my shit, he said. 

Do you have feelings for her ? You blurted out before you were able to hold back the words. 

As soon as you spoke these words, he frowned and shook his head. He sighed and took your hand in his, interlocking your fingers. 

I just told you I don’t miss her, he said. So no, I don’t have feelings for her. Not romantic, at least. I do have affection for her, though, in a way. I care for her and I don’t want anything bad happening to her. If she ever needs me, I’m here. I told you before - whether we like it or not, Kim and I will always be family. So I will always be there to support her. 

You nodded, a bit lost in your thoughts. He pulled you in his arms and leaned in, his forehead resting against yours while his piercing blue gaze held yours. 

I need you to understand something, baby, he said. Nothing I’m saying here affects the way I feel about you. Just because I care for Kim doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You are the woman I love and the one who makes me happy, and no one will change that. 

Ok, you said as you nodded softly. I love you too, you know ? 

And even if she did hate you, which she won’t, you’re the one person I chose to share my life with. Whether anyone likes it or not, you are my girl and they have to respect that. And I know she does, he said. 

Ok, you said. Does she know that we live together here ? 

She does, he  nodded. 

And that I’m… You know… Younger ? 

Yes, that too, he chuckled. I mean, I told her about you before so she knows a couple of things. She knows your name, your age, what you do in life, part of our story and, most of all, she knows I am head over heels in love with you. 

When did you tell her all that ? You asked, a bit surprised. 

I talked about you on a couple of occasions, he explained. When we got together, and a couple of months after our breakup, too. We don’t speak or see each other too often, but we keep up with each other’s life. 

He was smiling, which was sort of reassuring. His transparency made you feel at peace and, even though you were still a bit anxious, you eased up. You smiled back and kissed him on the cheek. 

Thank you for reassuring me, you said softly. I think you got yourself a night without me tossing and turning. 

Good, he chuckled. I get how weird it must be for you, you know ? But I’m sure everything will be fine. It’s just Thanksgiving. 

You smiled and nuzzled his neck as he held you in his arms, tracing circles on your shoulder. 

I love you, Marshall. 

I love you too, Y/N. And I’m really happy we’re celebrating our first holiday together, he added. 

That’s a milestone, you said. 

The first of many, many more, he said with a smile before pressing a kiss to your temple. 

So… What does a typical Thanksgiving look like in the Mathers household ? You asked. What should I expect ? 

Just classic Thanksgiving stuff, you know ? He shrugged. 

Well I only ever celebrated at Talia’s family’s, so… I don’t know, you chuckled. In my experience, it involves Talia’s mom preaching about how good God is and the blessings he gives, lots of cooking, lots of eating, board games and Talia’s sisters arguing over who Jamal prefers ! 

Sometimes I forget you’re not from here, he chortled. No preaching here, but lots of eating, just hanging out together, talking, watching movies, playing games… And I have my basketball tradition with Nate. 

Let me guess ? You usually win ? You asked with a grin. 

I lost the last one, actually, he chuckled. But I’ll definitely humiliate him this year. I have a lady to impress, I can’t lose. 

If you win, I’ll give you something to look forward to, you said teasingly. 

Like what ? He asked with a smirk. 

Win and you’ll see, you replied with a wink. 

I have an entire week left before the game, he said. Believe me, I’m going to train for victory. 

You giggled and kissed him softly before turning the lights off. You were a little reassured and figured that, even though your first Thanksgiving with him would be a bit stressful, you would get to admire him all sweaty on the basketball court and that would be absolutely worth it. 

In the week leading up to Thanksgiving, you were busy with wedding stuff and maid of honor duties. Talia and Jamal had yet to set a date for the wedding but that didn’t prevent your best friend from giving you tasks such as browsing ideas, looking at dress designers and searching for venues. You gladly obliged : you had sent out a few applications for jobs but you hadn’t gotten any answers yet and you were starting to get a bit bored. You would have gladly taken care of the house or garden, but there was staff hired for that and the only thing you could do to help around the house was to cook dinner for Marshall when he came back from work. You enjoyed it but it was clearly not enough to fill your days and you were starting to feel like one of those rich, bored housewives. Helping Talia with the wedding was a welcome distraction and you took the task with the utmost seriousness. You had always been a sucker for weddings and you knew full well it would be the only one you would get to organize so you decided to enjoy it. Every day after she got off from work, your friend would come to your place and your living room was soon filled with bridal magazines and moodboards for what was set to be the wedding of the century. Jamal’s work as a renowned beatmaker allowed them to have a very comfortable lifestyle and he had made clear that, whatever Talia wanted for the wedding, she would get. And she happened to have expensive taste, as well as a never-ending guest list. 

I will never find a venue, she loudly complained. I either hate the places we’re looking at, or they’re simply not big enough. 

You let out a sympathetic laugh. With the immense guest list they had, it was no surprise that finding a venue would be challenging. It seemed like every single person they had ever met would be invited. 

We will find something, you said with a smile. Or maybe you could try and shrink the guest list ? 

Jamal put you up to this, didn’t he ? She sighed. He keeps on telling me that we should keep it small. If it were up to him, we would elope… 

That could be super romantic, you know, you said tentatively. I mean… How many people on your guest list do you actually keep in touch with anyway ? 

I want my princess wedding, she said. You don’t know what it is. You’ll see when you get engaged ! 

I’m not getting married, you reminded her. Marshall doesn’t want to get married. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. 

I can’t believe you’re willing to accept that, though, she said with an eye roll. You, of all people, not getting married ? 

You know I’m a sucker for weddings and all things “traditional family”, you chuckled. But I’d rather never get married and be with Marshall than the other way around. He means more to me than a dress I’d wear for a day. 

You know I love Em, but I just don’t get it, she shrugged before munching on a cupcake you had baked earlier. He’s old, so I get the “not wanting kids” part. But you moved back here for him and you decided to give up on kids to be with him, so the least he could do is put a ring on it, you know ? 

We just got back together, you giggled. And don’t get me wrong, if he asked for my hand, I would say yes. I mean, he is the love of my life. But he seems pretty adamant. And as long as I’m with him, I’m good, so really… Doesn’t matter. 

Still… I never thought you would be ready to renounce marriage and children for any man. 

You could absolutely see where Talia was coming from. You had spent countless hours talking about wedding stuff, since the two of you had met. You had actually bonded over your love of romantic movies and series and watched countless wedding-related TV shows. But you had made your choice and you understood that Marshall didn’t want that. And after all, he was right : you didn’t need to sign a piece of paper to be in a loving, committed relationship. As long as you got to experience life with him and make great memories, you were happy. And as for the fun you would have had planning your own wedding, you would live vicariously through Talia, who would be the most beautiful bride. The conversation shifted and you got back to your order of business : the wedding. You looked at venues while she took a fun break and looked at the Vera Wang website.

I’m going to be sick, Talia muttered after a while. 

Come on, you chuckled. The bridal collections can’t be that bad… 

No, I’m really feeling sick, she said before running to the bathroom. 

You heard her puke profusely and looked at the plate of cupcakes. She had eaten about half a dozen. You had eaten a few yourself, though not nearly as much, and you were feeling fine, so you doubted that your baking was actually to blame. When she came back from the bathroom, she looked rather ill and tired.  

Do you want some tea ? You offered. 

Yes, please, she said in a croaky voice. 

Lay on the couch, I’ll make it. Do you think you caught a stomach bug or something ? 

I don’t know, she said in a small voice. Maybe it’s my period ? I’ve been waiting for it to actually come for a while. 

Wait… You’re late ? You asked with a raised eyebrow. 

You stared at her in disbelief and started to put two and two together. In the past days, she had complained about being tired and bloated, but you didn’t think too much of it. However, now that you knew she was late, it made you think of your own symptoms, from when you were pregnant. That’s how it had started after all : feeling tired, hungry and bloated, with a bit of morning sickness to top it off. 

I can’t be pregnant, Talia said with a terrified look on her face. My mother gave me enough shit about living with Jamal before being married, she will kill me if I have a baby out of wedlock. 

Maybe it’s just a false alarm. You’re using protection, right ? You asked as you tried to reassure her. 

Of course, she said. I mean, except once, but what would be the odds ? 

When was that ? You asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Hum… The night we got engaged ? She said nervously. 

You opened big eyes. The night they got engaged was the night Jamal brought condoms to your room. And doing the math, it would make sense and explain Talia’s period being quite a bit late. On some level… You were the one who stopped taking the pill after your breakup and your best friend might as well be the one who ended up pregnant. You convinced her to take a pregnancy test and the two of you ended up driving to the nearest pharmacy, buying one from every brand. When you got back home, Talia was shaking with nerves. 

You’ll be fine, you said as you gave her a hug. You guys have been together for ages and you guys have talked about having kids before. You know he will be supportive. 

I know but… Right before the wedding ?! She asked nervously. That was not the plan, Y/N. I wanted to look good in my dress, I wanted to show off my figure in a bikini on a Hawaiian beach for my honeymoon… 

Only one way to find out, you said. Now, go and take the test ! 

In true bestie fashion, you sat on the tub while Talia was peeing on the stick. She handed it to you during the mandatory three minute waiting period. You had been there before and you knew damn well how she might be feeling. You held her hand and started to feel overcome with nerves, as well as many other emotions. You were probably a bad friend for this, and you would never confess to feeling this way, but deep down, you were feeling envious. You were content with your life, but some shameful part of you felt like you would have been in her place, if you hadn’t broken up with Simon. You would most likely be engaged, maybe with a rainbow baby on the way. In a way, you were envious. Of course, being with Marshall was everything you wanted and you loved him more than hypothetical plans of having kids or getting married, and Talia was more than deserving of these things, but it was stronger than you. When the alarm on your phone rang, both you and Talia took a deep breath. 

I can’t look at it, she said. 

You sort of have to, you pointed out. You have to know, right ? 

You look at it and tell me. 

You nervously took the stick and looked at it. Two lines. Positive. 

You’re… pregnant, you said in a blank voice. 

She gasped and looked at it herself. She freaked out and refused to believe it, trying to convince the both of you that it might be a false positive and she ended up guzzling almost a gallon of water and taking another test. Then another one. And another one. Of course, all of them had the same result : your best friend was definitely pregnant. 

I’m pregnant, she said in disbelief. I’m really pregnant.

How are you feeling ? You asked. 

I… I can’t believe it, she simply said. I am pregnant. 

She stared at the numerous tests on the sink and put a hand on her belly. She stared at you as tears welled up in her eyes. 

I’m pregnant, she repeated. 

Look, if you don’t feel ready, you can absolutely…, you began. 

No, she said. I think… I’m happy. I’m having a baby with the love of my life. I’m so happy. 

She took you in her arms and held you tightly as she sobbed with happiness. You were emotional - for a lot of different reasons - and you felt a tear roll on your cheek. Talia was the kindest soul you had ever met and you had absolutely no doubt that she would be an amazing mother. She was already so good at taking care of people. 

You’re going to be a splendid mom, you said softly. That baby is going to be so lucky. 

You’re going to be the best aunt, she said emotionally. 

And Jamal is going to be the greatest Dad on earth ! 

Oh my God, I have to tell Jamal ! She said. And my mom ? Do I call my mom ? And the wedding ?! What do I do ?!?! 

You could see her go through so many emotions at once. You tried your best to reassure her and walked her through what she needed to do. First, you told her to go home and break the news to Jamal before telling anyone else. Then, she would have to make some medical appointments to ensure everything was alright with her pregnancy. As for the wedding, you assured her that, whether they wanted to elope or wait until after the baby was born, you would do your best to make sure her dreams came true and that she would have the most beautiful wedding. Whatever she needed, you would be there for her. She hugged you tight before leaving your place, making you promise that you would not tell a soul, not even Marshall. 

MARSHALL’S POV 

Marshall sighed in relief as he drove past the gate of his property. The past few days at the studio had been pretty rough : nothing seemed to be going right and it was starting to get on his nerves. The week had started with an artist postponing a recording and writing session they were supposed to have together, as well as a sample clearing issue. However, there was a bigger problem : whenever he wanted to write, he couldn’t bring himself to. Whenever he jotted down some ideas or words on a page, everything felt insanely corny or simply wrong. He knew that was to be expected, though : whenever his personal life was peaceful, that’s when he found it harder to write and, right now, things happened to be going great at home. Every morning, he woke up with the biggest smile on his face, happy to be with the woman he loved. She was truly amazing and he loved living with her. She was easy to get along with and she took care of him by cooking, baking and providing him with comfort whenever he needed. There was literally nothing for him to complain about and, deep down, maybe it was what was lacking. When they were broken up, he was hurting and felt like shit but at least, it was a familiar feeling. As hard as it had been, he had learned to thrive on sadness, hurt, anger and resentment. Happiness, on the other hand, felt foreign to him, especially when it was this peaceful and domestic. There was always this irrational part of him that felt like it was too good to be true and was in panic mode. When he was with Kim, this kind of calm, peace and happiness only meant a storm was coming and that he was about to be brought to his knees. Same when he was a teenager living with his mother : when things were going great, it always meant drama was coming their way. So, obviously, he had developed trust issues and always felt odd when things were going good. Of course, he loved being with Y/N and he would not have it any other way. But at the same time, he couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety. 

When he got home, he found Y/N reading yet another bridal magazine on the couch while a documentary was playing on the living room TV. He immediately joined her and pulled her in for a hug. Her presence was just what he needed. However, she seemed a bit more distracted than usual. 

How was wedding planning today ? He asked as he settled and pulled her legs over his knees. 

Eventful, she replied. 

Really ? What happened ? Did you argue about the color of the bridesmaids dresses ? He chuckled. 

No, no, she said. I mean, whatever, it’s not really interesting. 

Are you alright ? He asked. 

Yeah… How was your day ? 

She seemed a little nervous and preoccupied, but he figured that Talia was probably to blame. Jamal’s fiancée was amazing, but she did keep Y/N busy with wedding planning and he knew that she was definitely the type to turn into a bridezilla. He told his girlfriend about his day and a meeting he had about upcoming performance dates. He was set to be a headliner for Lollapalooza, not only in the US but also in Europe and South America. He tried to focus on the positive and keep his writing struggles to himself. 

How would you feel about coming with me for Lollapalooza ? He asked. 

I don’t know, she shrugged. 

Come on, he said with a smile. It could be fun. I don’t want to be away from you for too long. And you could also enjoy the festival, see concerts, and we could travel a bit between the performance dates and make it romantic. What do you think ? 

That could be fun, she agreed. I don’t know if I’ll be free, though. 

I think Talia can do without you for a little while, he chuckled. 

No, I meant… From work, she corrected. In case I find something, you know ? But maybe Talia will need me too. I don’t know. 

We’ll see, he said with a smile. Are you sure you’re ok ? You seem… Gloomy ? 

I’m fine, she shrugged. Sorry. I guess I’m just under the weather. 

You’re working too hard for this wedding, he said as he took the magazine from her hands and pulled her closer to him. Come here. 

She hummed and buried her face in his neck. They cuddled in this position for a while and he started to relax. The warmth of her breath on his skin was doing a good job soothing him and making him forget about the frustrations of the day. From the day she walked into his life, she had been a peaceful presence for him and getting to come home to her in the evening was a blessing he was definitely grateful for. He enjoyed being in a bubble with her and being able to forget about the pressure of his work. They didn’t need to speak, her mere presence in the room and her touch were enough for him to be able to ease up. 

I missed you today, he said as he kissed her temple. 

I missed you too, she replied. 

If you didn’t have that appointment tomorrow, I’d take you to work with me, he continued. I could use your hugs throughout the day. 

What appointment ? She asked, seemingly confused. 

Your OB/GYN appointment for your contraception. Isn’t that tomorrow ?

Oh, right, she said sheepishly. I forgot about that. 

Are you ok, babe ? He asked with his eyebrows furrowed. I mean… If you don’t want to take the pill, it’s fine, we can stick to condoms. 

No, no, it’s not that, she replied. 

What’s wrong, then ? 

Nothing, she said. Sorry. Mind if I go lie down before preparing dinner ? I don’t feel too well. 

No, of course not, he said softly. Do you want me to come with you ? 

Don’t worry, she said. You can stay here. 

She got up and kissed his cheek before heading to their bedroom. Something definitely seemed off. Ever since they got back from Europe, she had been in a rather good mood, even considering the situation with her Dad. Now, she almost seemed depressed and he had no idea why. He decided to let her rest, figuring that she was probably just tired or that her period might be on the way. A couple of hours later, he went to see her and ask if she was hungry. She immediately offered to cook something for him, even though she didn’t plan on eating, but he told her not to bother. Y/N was laying in bed, wearing one of his tee-shirts, doom scrolling on her phone, the preoccupied look still on her face. He kissed her and went to the kitchen for a quick sandwich and a can of diet coke. When he was done, he threw his can in the trash and saw three sticks that looked all too familiar : pregnancy tests. Ever since he got back with Y/N, they’d had protected sex and, on one occasion when the condom broke, she had gotten emergency contraception. There was no way she could be pregnant. So why the hell had she taken these tests ? In a matter of seconds, his heart had started pounding in his chest. He nervously grabbed one of the tests, hoping it was negative. But there were clearly two lines. Positive. So were the two other ones. He felt terrified and dizzy. That had to be a nightmare. He could not have a baby. Not at fifty-two. Not when he had sworn that he would not have any more children. If anything, he was the last person on earth that should have kids. He loved his daughters, obviously, and even though raising them was his biggest accomplishment, it was also the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Seeing the two lines on the pregnancy tests gave him flashbacks of all the sleepless nights he’d had, tossing and turning, doubting himself and being terrified to mess things up. There was no way he would be able to do it all over again. Now that his daughters were grown-up and out of the house, he wanted to take it easy, enjoy life with Y/N and be able to do whatever he wanted. The last thing he expected was to change diapers, get up in the middle of the night and just struggle all over again. He took his face in his hands. He could not do this, and especially not with Y/N. She had not even been sober for two years. He had been there with Kim and he knew what it was like to see the mother of his children relapse and struggle with sobriety. No kid ever deserved this and he was simply not strong enough to raise a kid with another addict. Not again. He tried to pace himself but he couldn’t. He had to talk to her. He did not understand. Why hadn’t she told him she was late ? When did she take the test ? Why didn’t she tell him she was pregnant ? He had so many questions. He grabbed the sticks and walked to the bedroom to confront her.

Please tell me it’s a prank, he said as he walked in. Please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me they’re fake. 

Fake what ? What prank ? She asked as she looked up. There’s no prank. 

So it’s real ?! He blurted out. How long did you think you could hide this from me ?! 

Hide what from you ? She asked as her eyebrows knitted. 

THIS ! He yelled as he threw the pregnancy tests on the bed.

He was livid. His anxiety had simply turned to anger. The idea that she could have the audacity to pretend not to know what he was talking about was driving him crazy. Had she even taken the plan B pill ? He couldn’t think straight anymore. He felt betrayed and trapped. He could see her face change as she saw the pregnancy tests. Her face started to crumble and tears started to roll on her cheeks. But if she thought he would fall for it, she was wrong. No amount of crying would work and she was not getting away with it. 

Don’t even try that shit with me, Y/N, he said coldly. You don’t get to pretend you have no idea when I’m talking about when I just found these fucking pregnancy tests. And you don’t get to cry when you’re the one who tried to hide that shit for me. What were you fucking thinking ?! Were you waiting for the legal delay for an abortion to be over ? For an ultrasound to soften me up ?! 

W-What ? She asked. No, Marshall, it’s not… 

What is it, huh ?! Fuck, we talked about this, we fucking broke up over this, so don’t tell me you didn’t fucking know how I feel about having kids, he continued. I’m not having another kid. Especially not with you. When you get to the doctor tomorrow, you better ask him to point you to the nearest abortion clinic ! 

She stared at him in shock. Her mouth was slightly open, she was still crying but she looked in disbelief. What was she thinking ? That he would jump up at the news ? He shook his head and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

It’s Talia, she said. She…

Of course it’s Talia, he scoffed. Of course your stupid friend put you up to this. Do you know the number of times she told me to suck it up and agree to marriage, babies and shit and get you back ? I gotta hand it to her, she’s fucking persistent. Though I must admit I didn’t think she would put you up to this. 

At this point, he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying, just spitting his words in a spiteful way. As seconds went by, he was getting more and more worked up. He didn’t care about this pregnancy. He did not want to. He simply refused this possibility. There was no way he was having another baby. He loved Y/N but there was no way he would have a kid with her. 

You’re not the first person to try this with me, you know ? He spat. I should have known better. But you’re the last person I would have expected to try and fuck me ovI- 

I’M NOT PREGNANT ! Y/N finally yelled before throwing the tests back in his face. 

You’re not ?! He asked in disbelief. Whose fucking tests are they then ?! 

TALIA’S ! TALIA IS PREGNANT,  YOU ASSHOLE ! NOT ME ! 

He felt a sudden wave of relief wash over him. He didn’t realize he needed to breathe that much, but it felt like he had a whole bottle of oxygen poured into his lungs. He felt at least thirty pounds lighter. Y/N, on the other hand, looked absolutely livid. And why wouldn’t she ? He realized he had basically insulted her, blinded by anger. As his mind got a little clearer, he recognized he might have gone a little overboard. 

Thank God, he sighed. Babe, I…

Cut it, she said as she got up from bed and started to leave the room. 

Wait, he pleaded as he grabbed her arm. 

She jerked her arm and groaned before going to the corridor. He followed her, trying to apologize and get her to talk to him. 

Y/N, I’m sorry, he said sheepishly. 

Please, she scoffed. You’re not sorry. 

I am, he assured her. Nerves got the best of me. I’m really sorry. 

Well, at least I got to know what you really think of me, she said. 

Where are you going ? He asked as she went down the stairs. 

On the couch. I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t sleep in the same room as people who think I am capable of betraying them, she spat. 

I didn’t say that, he defended himself knowing full well he had, indeed, said that. 

You did, Marshall, she said coldly. You literally said I tried to fuck you over. And not only do you think I am a terrible person, you also insulted my best friend. 

You’re not sleeping in the living room, it’s stupid, he said. 

Well I would have appreciated waiting until tomorrow to gather my things and figure out my next move, she pointed out. 

Your next… Y-You want to… leave ?! 

She did not answer. She only shrugged. Her demeanor and gaze were cold. She was clearly pissed, understandably so. But… Leaving ? She couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t lose her. He had promised to himself he would do everything in his power not to. The idea of her leaving put him in a state of panic and brought him back to their breakup, to that fateful Saturday morning, over pancakes, about seven or eight months ago. 

You can’t leave. 

Why should I stay ?! She spat. Why should I stay with someone who thinks I am capable of betraying them ? 

I didn’t mean that, he pleaded. I panicked, I’m sorry. Babe, I love you. I know you’d never… Fuck, I… Don’t leave me. Please. 

Let’s be clear, she said as she looked at him dead in the eyes. The only reason I’m still standing here is because my best friend is telling her future husband that they’re having a child and there is no way in hell I’m ruining that moment for her. Otherwise, I’d be over there and back in my old room already. 

Don’t do this, he said on the verge of tears. Please don’t leave me. I just… You seemed a little off, today, and you said it had been eventful, and when I saw the tests, I… I don’t know, I panicked. 

The reason I was off is because my best friend just told me she was pregnant, you dumbass ! She yelled. I was off because I had to stand in my own bathroom and hold these fucking pregnancy tests and see that they were positive and they’re not mine ! 

She was starting to cry again. She mumbled something in French and went to the living room, as he followed in her step. She sat on the couch and brought her knees to her chin. He stood there, watching her. 

Just leave, she said. 

No, he replied. I want to talk about it. I want to make things right between us. I’m so sorry… 

You want to talk ? Let’s talk then, she said sarcastically. You said you’re not having another kid, especially not with me. What was that ? 

I just don’t want more kids, he said evasively. I’m in my fifties, I’ve had three daughters, I don’t want more. 

I know that, she said as she rolled her eyes. And I respect that. But answer the damn question, Marshall. What did you mean about me ?! 

It doesn’t matter, he pleaded. It really doesn’t. You don’t want a kid, do you ?! 

Believe me, the last thing on my wish list is to have a baby, especially with you, she replied. 

Then it doesn’t matter, he simply said. I was out of line, I shouldn’t have accused you and I’m sorry. Let’s go to bed, I’ll make it up to you. 

Just say it, she said firmly. If you don’t, I swear to God, I’m packing a suitcase, calling a cab and booking a hotel room. 

I meant addicts like us don’t get to make that kind of mistakes, Y/N, he sighed. Addicts are shitty parents. I should know. 

Wow, she simply scoffed. 

She was staring at him with a look of both pain and disdain. He had obviously struck a chord. She closed her eyes and sighed. 

Why do you even bother with me ? She questioned. Why did you take me back ? 

What do you mean ? He asked nervously. I love you, I want to be with you. 

Why would you want to be with someone who you obviously think is not good enough ?! That’s just stupid, she pointed out. Why bother ? 

What ?! No, Y/N, I don’t… Of course you’re good enough. 

You know, I’m fine with your choices, she said with a hint of sadness. I respect that you’re done with marriage, and that you’re done with having kids. But you thinking I shouldn’t get to have children ? That fucking hurts. 

I’m sorry… 

STOP ! She screamed. You’re not sorry. I was ready to renounce having kids. Because I love you more than any unborn child. But do you even realize how much it hurts to know that if I had actually gotten accidentally pregnant, the person I sacrificed everything to be with would not support me ?! 

He felt his heart strain a little. Seeing the pain on her face made him feel like the worst asshole in the world. To be fair, if she had actually been pregnant, he would have supported her. Sure, he thought abortion would be a better option, but he would never force her. If they had been in that situation - and thank God they weren’t -  he would have stood by her side and supported her to the best of his abilities. He had simply been mean and stupid. Once again, anger had gotten the best of him. 

I would have been there, he said. Of course I would have been. I love you, Y/N. 

But you think I would be a shitty mom, she pointed out. 

I’ve seen addiction ruin families, he explained. It certainly ruined mine, in more ways than one. 

You still think of me as an addict, don’t you ? She asked on the verge of tears. No matter how long I can stay sober, you think I can’t be trusted ever again ? 

I-I don’t know, he replied honestly. In my book, an addict is an addict. I still think of myself as an addict. It doesn’t mean people can’t improve or recover but… It’s tricky. But I love you. I love you more than life itself, baby. 

She looked at him and simply shrugged. No matter what he said, he got the feeling that it would not matter much. He hated that angry side of himself. It wasn’t the first time that his anger got the best of him and ruined everything. He had been to therapy for his anger for years but, right when he thought he had made progress, it had to come and bite him in the ass once again. 

Please talk to me, he begged. Please say something. 

I have my appointment tomorrow morning, she simply said. I’ll pack my things when I get back. I will be out of here by the time you get back from work tomorrow.

[lazydaisyhuntlow]

TOH Meta: Hexside analysis (size, schedule, clubs, staff roster)

We spend a lot of time at Hexside School of Magic and Demonics throughout the course of the series, but some things are never really explained. For my own reference, I'm compiling as much canon information here as I can about Hexside and the people who work there (plus a couple headcanons).

1. How many students attend Hexside?

In the show, most track-specific class sizes range from 3-4 students. For example, this Abominations 101 class from season one has 4 students, with seating space for 12 max.

However, I have reason to believe that this is not all the Abominations students! There are probably other classes for advanced students that meet later in the day (more on that in the Scheduling section below).

Let's say there's a (generous) average of 8-12 students per track. Multiply that by 9 tracks and we get 72-108 students, plus 8 in the baby class, for a total of about 80-116 students total.

The all-school assembly in Labyrinth Runners seems about that size.

Yep, around 100 students. Hexside is quite small! I wonder if St. Epiderm and Glandus are similarly sized?

2. What is the schedule like?

Upon Luz' arrival, Bump gives her a schedule for the day with 6 different potions classes. I know this is meant to be a joke but I'm accepting that Hexside has a 6-block schedule where classes gradually increase in difficulty (hopefully with a lunch break somewhere!!) and that electives (club meetings, free periods, or any non-track-specific class like history/math/PE) are less frequent.

Gus mentions 'moving up a few grades', but since it's essentially a tiny K-12 school and the options at Luz' entrance exam are A) the baby class or B) the not-baby class... I think it's more likely the students are separated by level/ability, not strictly by age.

My headcanon is that the morning (periods 1-3) is for the beginner-level track classes. During this time, older students go to their electives like PE, history, math, language, independent study, or maybe apprenticeships. In the afternoon (periods 4-6), they switch: track professors do advanced classes with the older students, while the younger ones go to their electives. But even if this is not the case, with such small classes, it would be easy to differentiate to multiple levels and give each student lots of one-on-one attention.

3. What clubs are there?

From the club fair in Any Sport in a Storm, we know that Hexside has a lot of student clubs, including:

Grudgby, Flyer Derby, The Good Witch Azura book club, Swimming, Hexas Hold'em, Screech and Debate, Fear Book, Drama, Gardening, Arts & Witchcrafts, Skullpting, Casket Weaving, Brews n' Stews, Inner Demons, Scrying Committee, and Psychics.

There is a school newspaper called the Hexside Free Press. Gus is a member.

Gus is also the president of the Human Appreciation Society (not to be confused with the roleplaying Human Fantasy Club down the hall).

4. Who are the teachers?

Principal Hieronymus Bump

Attended Hexside as an abominations student (and played flyer derby!), joined the abominations coven, and came back to work as a teacher. Firm, fair, open-minded, will defend his students from threats. Retires during the timeskip.

Professor Hermonculus - Abominations Track

Critical, strict, petty. Punishes his students with extra homework. Holds a grudge against Willow for changing to the plant track. Sends Amity to the principal's office. Plays flyer derby.

His palisman is an abomination-goo cat-bat thing. Also, he appears to have recruited a literal kindergartener to play this deadly contact sport? Nice.

Unnamed purple triclops demon - Illusions Track

Stylish, caring, protective of her students -- in Labyrinth Runners her priority was to get Gus away from the Coven Scouts, and she was willing to trade Hunter back to Belos to accomplish that goal (though she probably didn't know or care what would happen to him). Seems to do a lot of assessments; encourages creativity and humor in her students. She becomes the new principal after Bump's retirement. My headcanon name: Professor Houdine

Unnamed spider demon - kindergarten/baby class

Super cute and appears to be a genuinely good teacher! Field trips, story time, plushies all over the classroom. I hope she was okay after the day of unity because the kindergarteners descended into madness without her. My headcanon name: Cera Fangston

Unnamed parrot (?) demon - Potions Track

Put a pun ("Let's mix it up!") and little doodles of potions flasks on her board, which I appreciate. Spends a lot of time with Boscha and appears to do nothing about her bullying other students, which I do not appreciate. My headcanon name: Professor Sinder

Unnamed bicorn - Oracle Track

Serious, mysterious, detail-oriented. Cool aesthetic, but... let's be honest. That is WAY too many chalkboards. I can see why she has to keep her crystal balls in the hallway! Also, the oracle track's whole thing is ghosts, but I guess she ignored the decades-old ghost infestation in the girls' changing room and left it for other people to clean up?

Yeah. So she's either not very powerful or not very considerate of her colleagues. Maybe she's the one who keeps eating all the donuts in the staff room. My headcanon name: Professor Claire Lydgate

Unnamed snake (?) demon - History, math (?)

He doesn't like chatting in his classroom, but he LOVES grudgby! He teaches History and something about the Heximal System, so that's possibly a lower-level math class? His classes appear to be larger and include students from many different tracks.

My headcanon name: Professor Ladon

Unnamed gray demon - detention track (temporary)

Sarcastic, uses his scroll a lot, punishes students with cleaning the classroom, can sleep through anything. Was only supposed to be in charge of detention track temporarily while the detention pit was being repaired, but he stuck around in the background til the end of season 2 so I guess they found something for him to do. Maybe he's a substitute? Also a contender for the donut thief. My headcanon name: Mr. Eyevan Urgus

Unnamed blue demon with wig - Bard Track (?)

This guy appears in the background in Labyrinth Runners. I'm guessing he's the bard professor because... uhh... his robe is red (the Bard coven color) and the powdered wig reminds me of Mozart. I know that's kind of a stretch, but the only other thing we know about the Bard professor is that they leave during the timeskip so Skara can take over, so it's possible! My headcanon name: Professor Presto

Miss Jenkinmeyer (no image) - possibly a staff member while Eda was attending Hexside. There was an incident involving her teeth which wound up in Eda's permanent file.

Hexside Guards (temporary security guards) - can literally smell trouble. They were supposed to be protecting students, but they ended up throwing a lot of people into the detention pit.

That brings us to the end of all the canon staff members. Who is missing? We have no information on professors for the Healing, Plant, Beastkeeping, and Construction tracks, plus the cafeteria staff.

I don't know if it's fair to make the snake-demon guy handle all the electives for every single student, so let's give him some help. One more electives teacher for "Spelling" (possibly language arts?). Heck, I'll throw in astronomy as well because the movements of celestial bodies appear to be very important for casting powerful spells in the show.

Also... Hexside has a drama program and a championship sports program, both with VERY nice facilities.

They definitely need teachers to oversee those. Maybe the Bard and Illusions professors team up for drama, and the PE teacher is also the Grudgby coach?

I have ideas for OCs for all those positions, but maybe I'll make that a separate post so this one can be mostly canon.

5. What about the building itself?

There's a lot going on! Aside from all the classrooms, they have a cafeteria, a detention pit with tunnels under the school, a gym, an auditorium, an outdoor athletics field, Grom's prison under the gym, and this cool round atrium near the entrance.

There are multiple floors, but I don't remember seeing stairs anywhere except for the seating in the gym.

The abominations students have to wheel their homework everywhere anyway, so maybe there are no stairs and it's all spiraling ramps?

Yay for wheelbarrow accessibility!

Lastly, Eda's Secret Room of Shortcuts. It's one of the coolest concepts in the whole show, I wish we got to see it more.

To anyone who made it this far, thank you for reading! Let me know if I should add anything :)

[dumplingsfordays]

modern au - roommate hcs !

ft. Kazuha, Scara, Xiao, Zhongli, Diluc, Albedo

I'm backk~

I haven't wrote in a little bit so I'm sorry 😭

Anyways this is a random idea I had, idk how well my thoughts are gonna translate into words but we'll see ig

Also idk if you need a warning for this but Diluc's has a mention of man titties so... do what you want with that ig

Reader's gender not specified, and this is not proofread!! Apologies for any mistakes, feel free to message me and I'll fix them :)

Image credit!

But as always, thank you for reading <3

++++

kazuha

- omg this man 😭😭 he is (imo) the best roommate you could ever have.

- he'd probably be super nice when you two first meet and stay that way!!

- he wakes up at a fairly good time too, and if he knows that you're sleeping, he'll try to be as quiet as possible.

- he does his share (and often a little more, if he has time) of the chores consistently.

- kazuha even follows a schedule on when to do certain stuff - he writes it down in a calendar in the kitchen

- he does like to cook when he has some free time, and they don't always turn out amazing but the smell will have your mouth watering.

- his room is super neat!! It's very aesthetic and a little minimalistic, but not overwhelmingly so.

- and it's always clean!!!!!

- he mostly hangs around either in his room or the living room on a couch. Sometimes he'll come into your room, but he always knocks!

- he respects your privacy too 😍 this man is a treasure, treat him well

- he doesn't mind hanging out with you!! If you're into makeup, he actually likes to go makeup shopping with you and just chill while you pick out some stuff :)

- everyone thinks you're partners when you guys hang out, but kazuha doesn't seem to mind 🤭

scara (sorry it's a bit short, never rlly written anything abt him before 😭😭)

- he's a little turd but you still like him, and he gets confused because why haven't you moved out yet????

- he probably spends like 80% of his time away from the house (apartment? wherever you guys live basically), but he still manages to do his chores on time

- HIS EYELINER SKILLS. IK THIS IS A LITTLE IRRELEVANT BUT THEYRE SO GOOD OMFG

- anyways, he really likes watching movies super late at night, so when you join him 20 minutes in with popcorn, it's sort of a bonding time for you two

- he doesn't cook, so he orders takeout a lot... and what really surprised you is that after a week or so of living together, he started to order for both of you because "you were whiny that I didn't get you anything"

- (he actually does it bc he's trying to say thanks for putting up with him :))

- he goes to bed super late and wakes up super late. You have to deal with this by not making ANY noise when you do stuff in the morning or he will be very grumpy for like 2 days (you learned this the hard way 😭)

- on days when he's friendlier, he'll bring you stuff like plushies when he gets back. He'll say that Yae or Yoimiya asked him to give these to you, but you doubt that those two gave you twelve stuffed animals in the span of a month.

xiao (another short one 😭 just like his height)

- I mean... He's okay?? He just sits in his room a lot and I headcanon that he's kinda sorta a gamer so

- he doesn't mind doing chores for you if you can't, but he'll do them a little late because he's like that

- this man SIMPS for Chinese food, like I'm not joking. He doesn't know how to make it, but before moving in w you he searched up Chinese restaurants and that's one of the reasons he moved in lmao

- you guys don't really see much of each other a lot... but you always, always go on grocery trips together. Why? Because he seems to consistently forget the shopping list that you wrote down for him at home, on the kitchen counter, and if you go shopping for him, he complains that you didnt get the things he asked for (but he doesn't write you lists 👀)

- he does have his sweet moments too. If you play videogames, he'll play with you if it's multiplayer. If it's not - no worries, you'll both play it, sitting side-by-side.

- if you're not into videogames though, he does like learning stuff, especially from you. He thinks that you're a good teacher, and even if it's you teaching him how to make coffee (because he doesn't know and wants to learn), he'll keep persevering through it just for you.

- oh boy. Room time.

- his room isn't that bad, if you can look past the giant pile of Monster cans in a trashcan below his desk. It's often dark, with the blinds down, and if you're walking down the hallway, there's a 90% chance that you'll see green led lights shining through the gap beneath his door.

- speaking of his door, it's covered in those signs that say stuff like 'warning! no stupid people beyond this point' or 'dont touch me until I've had my morning Monster'. If you couldn't tell yet, he's obsessed with Monster.

- he streams on twitch, and he's pretty popular, so you'll hear screams of disappointment coming from his room quite often.

- but one sight that you'll never forget is when you went to bring him apple slices (did I mention that he likes apples??), you opened the door to him standing in front of his monitor in a maid dress 😭. According to him, this was a dare that his viewers had him do, and that you better not mention this to anyone!!

- he was so red when he was explaining it though 🤭🤭 you, being the kind soul that you are, swore on your heart to keep it a secret :)

zhongli

- omfg you KNOW this man likes having meals with you. That's such a random thought but hear me out.

- when you eat, he eats with you at the table. Even if you made something only for yourself, he'll whip something up for him and eat with you.

- ANYways he likes to save money so much that his room only consists of a mattress on the floor, a coffee table for a desk, a beanbag in the corner, and a bookshelf that is practically overflowing with books. You take pity on him, of course, and buy him another bookshelf, which he now treasures :)

- probably has a lot of plants around the house/apartment, and he takes care of them as if they were his children. There isn't a day when there isn't a bouquet of flowers sitting on the dinner table.

- if you're allergic to pollen, though, he'll make sure to buy plants, not flowers, like China Dolls or aloe vera or cactuses, whichever you like best 🤭

- he LOVES reading!! Whenever you come downstairs, you'll see him reading, and if you're interested, he'll recommend it or books like it. He does wear reading glasses and he looks really hot in them but don't tell him I said that

- he probably takes forty-minute showers, and the shower is chock-full of hair products. 2-in-1 shampoo?? Zhongli's never heard of it. He may be (nearly) broke, but he takes care of his hair.

- tbh I think he likes to bake bread. Idk if COVID is a thing in the modern au, but if it is, then he was probably one of the people that searched up 'how to make banana/sourdough bread' and fell in love with making it...

- I like to think that he has a nice and neat schedule for each day, and his sleep schedule specifically is so freakin amazing. He goes to sleep at around 9-10, and wakes up at 6am sharp 😭

diluc

- he also likes tea before bed (and any other time of day really). He loves the different scents of the tea and it calms him a lot, so be prepared for a ton of afternoon tea parties with him :D

- ok so we know that Diluc is super rich and stuff but let's just pretend that he roomed w you to save money-

- he works out. A lot. Usually in the morning and around 8pm, and he always goes to this super fancy private gym or whatever.

- and he KNOWS that you go 'ooga booga man titties' mode whenever you see his chest so that bastard is almost always shirtless

- "Diluc why are u shirtless??" "It's hot in here" "...it's like 65 degrees. How tf are you hot"

- no but he's nice though, don't get me wrong. He'll help you do stuff around the house that you can't and he always seems to be there to help. Can't reach something? Diluc's there. Can't open something because it's too heavy? Diluc's got you.

- he'll do chores, just not very well. Can't do the dishes manually at ALL, and if you do have a dishwasher (which he buys on the third day if you don't), he will fall to his knees and thank the gods.

- he has a 10-step skincare routine. His skin is flawless and you are a little jealous, but if you really want to use some of his products, he won't mind :)

- he can cook (but not desserts/pastries lmao). He's super good with the grill, if you want grilled meat or fish or veggies or anything, really. But if you don't want it grilled, he's just as happy to make it using another method!!

- super good at board games, he's especially amazing at monopoly. Nobody can beat him, and he's proud of it >:)

- you've never been in his room for some reason, but you expect that it's very modern and monochrome, with hints of red (obvi).

- he usually has kinda red eyes in the morning, though, and when you asked about it he said that he likes going for night drives, but you were a little suspicious

- you stayed awake one night and you could hear him exit, but no car noises 🤔 you still wonder on what's he's doing so late almost every single night...

- also speaking about cars, the neighbors are always shocked that there's a lamborghini parked outside of your residence (house, apt building, what have you) lmao

- they're always like "do you have a rich bf?? Who is he??" and you're like "nah he's just my roommate :D"

albedo

- this man!!! He's so big brain!!!

- he'll definitely help you with studying for literally anything. Computer science? He got you covered. Bio? Sign him up. Hell, even art? He's super good at it so he won't mind teaching you!

- but when I tell you that he consumes a lot of coffee, it's a LOT. Like 4-5 cups a day. You wonder how, and even if, he sleeps.

- he makes really good coffee too! He bought one of those super cool ones and the coffee he makes is legendary. No wonder he drinks it so often!!

- he barely eats simply because he has so much work, and you essentially have to force him to come downstairs. You make him eat lunch and dinner, and occasionally breakfast if he can. He's super grateful for it, because he sometimes doesn't realize his hunger until he sits down at the table and his stomach growls like a bear-

- he loves classical music, especially Debussy, and it's always playing in his room. You started warming up to it, actually, and now whenever you hear Debussy, you think of Albedo.

- speaking of his room, it's... kinda messy, actually. Think paper and pencils and eraser shavings everywhere. He does clean it up like two times a month, but the papers always reappear within a couple days.

- he really likes art, and he'll hang some of his faves around the house/apartment :) it honestly makes the whole space feel cozier

- does his chores VERY last-minute, but he feels bad about it. You always tell him that it's nothing to worry about, that he still does them, but he insists on trying his best to do them earlier, which you appreciate :D

- he actually uses you as an art reference sometimes, only if you're free for an hour though. He doesn't like paying for models to come in and pose so he saves money by asking you... or at least that's what he says 👀

- your main bonding time is when you go in his room (or vice-versa) and just chill. He likes your company more than he'd like to admit, and you sometimes catch him staring at you from across the room when you're laying on his barely-used bed.

++++

note : sorry if some characters are a little ooc 😭😭 I'm not too good at writing Diluc n Scara so... OH ALSO I would've included Ayato too but I feel like hes not really the type of person to room w someone (well bc he would def flaunt his wealth by buying a private mansion or smth)

[the-s1lly-corner]

Proxies with a fem reader going to a pumpkin patch so she can pick out her pumpkin? :>

Proxies and Fem!Reader going to a pumpkin patch!

obligatory toby is platonic but tbh i dont think romance ties too much into these specific hcs also i havent been to a pumpkin patch in years so im really scraping my brain trying to remeber what people do asides pick pumpkins...and google... a lot of google... i admit i had to fight myself not to make this a group thing where it's all together but im 80% sure you wanted these separate no unique gifs for each character, too eepy (its 6am rn and i couldnt sleep for the life of me SOBS)

Masky:

I feel like out of the three he's probably going to give the most resistance, he just doesn't like being around where loads of people may be; too much noise you know? But with enough coaxing and reassurance I do believe you can convince him to tag along

Most straight forward about it, wants it to be in and out, so he kinda beelines and tries to find a pair of pumpkins that'll do

"Babe... those ones are too small to carve..." "They're. Average."

Sorry I had to make that joke

Anyways

Out of all the activities there you might get him to sit down for a hayride if it's not too too packed!

Overall it's an okay experience, but really this guy would prefer the pumpkin carving at home after the fact; out on a porch sitting next to one another, alone in comfortable silence! He saves the seeds to make into snacks later

Hoodie:

A little more willing to go out! I feel like he's the easiest in terms of talking into stuff! As long as it's not anything dangerous he's more than willing to spend time with you.... all the better to keep his eye on you.. both in a cute aww he wants to protect you way and a creepy way but hey that's creepypasta for you

If they're offering shitty quickly constructed rides count him in, he's going to be the one dragging you!

While I'm not sure what rides would be there I'm sure there'd be but you're gonna be there for way longer than originally planned

Saving this for another day but Ferris Wheel trope where it gets stuck, one of y'all totally shouldn't send in a character for me to do that for wink wink nudge nudge

Probably the most emotive you see Hoodie, ever, it's actually a little jarring at first but it's cute in it's own way that he's getting all hyped up over some rides

overall? y'all forget to actually. pick pumpkins so you guys have to almost immediately return to go browse at the pumpkins that remain. Does the thing where you knock on produce to make sure it sounds right. Does he know what he's going or what he's looking for? No clue but hey there's that mental image, Hoodie kneeling down on the ground, head pressed against a pumpkin and tapping it

Ticci Toby:

Pretends to not wanna go but really he's totally fucking stoked that you wanna go somewhere with him, him? like him him? Toby? Well if you insist-

That bit sounded mean but I believe Toby feels.... I don't know how to put it but like I think it's because he used to be bullied and left out that he still gets a little surprised when you willingly invite him to hang out; not that he's complaining though

Haunted corn maze. This fucker beelines for the corn maze. You have lost your silly friend with an affinity for collecting empty snail shells (hc)

Good luck trying to find him, if it's one of those mazes with scare actors he's not going to flinch or scream so there goes your audio cue

Eventually you do find him though! So it's not totally disastrous! It just takes you upwards of fifteen minutes because you yourself got lost before looping back to the entrance, only to find this little shit sitting right by the entrance

Seriously how the fuck did he do that?

No clue

You know how sometimes pumpkins are bumpy or a lil... off looking? Leave it to this fucker to make several jokes about how they look, primarily ragging on the bumpier ones

"Hey look, it looks like you" "shut the fuck up"/j

Generally a very good time as long as you ignore the small heart attack you got when Toby disappeared! Good luck cleaning the mess after carving up your pumpkins

He probably tries to see what the guts taste like

idk what raw pumpkin guts taste like

not sure if its any good because ive only tried pre canned pumpkin puree and used it for baking so idk if it tastes good straight from the source

[fizzingwizard]

Why I like Cats (the musical) 2024 version

Cats the Musical's smash success in the 80s stunned everyone, including those who made it. But despite the critics claiming it's baffling and has no plot, it was popular anyway. And remained popular. For years.

"But why?" shriek the naysayers even now, decades later, in broad daylight, because they've never met a real Cats fan, and frankly don't believe they exist, and the massive audiences of yore which attended the shows in London, New York, Tokyo etc were paid actors contributing to the farce that is Cats the Musical. Or maybe they assume every furry dutifully attends every performance of Cats as some kind of furry confirmation ritual.

Now that we've seen the Hooperian nightmare that is Cats 2019, internationally recognized as a pre-pandemic harbinger of doom and torment, making fun of Cats is more fun than ever.

But no pedantic Youtube critic will ever pry Cats (THE MUSICAL) out of my fierce, feline clutches! No! I won't let you! Not even you, Tom Hooper! You don't need opposable thumbs to be irrationally devoted to old-ass musicals from the 80s!

Anyway here's why I like Cats (the musical)!

Wicked whimsical fun times!!

Cats is the fun uncle at the family New Year's party. He's young, he's confusingly hot-yet-not, he gets around, he always smells faintly of weed. He's down for anything and somehow gives off chill vibes while also exuding the barely restrained energy of an ostrich mating dance. He doesn't have a job. No one knows what he does on a regular, non-party day. Maybe he just... ceases to exist. You like him, without knowing or caring whether there's anything about him to like.

A celebration of dance!!

Tap, jazz modern ballet, gymnastics! There's even a trapeze! Cats has it all... as long as it was popular among white audiences in the 80s, anyway. Attempts to diversify have been hit and miss. But since many of the dance styles have fallen out of popularity, it's refreshing, in a way, to go to a Cats show and see a guy in an orange unitard tap dancing passionately. Like teleporting into a bygone age of the catpeople. Heck, even in the clusterfuck that was the 2019 movie, Skimbleshanks stole the show.

Jokes aside, the loose story structure isn't just because no one on staff knew how to plot anything, it highlights the performances themselves: dance and music are central to Cats, which is part of why making a film version is so damn hard. You can't just say no thanks to the choreography or interrupt the songs for dumb bratty quips (Hooper!!). That's what this musical is.

Yes, they are cats, and it's cool, not freaky. (But also freaky)

The costumes and makeup are for a stage show. They're overdone on purpose to have an impact from far away. It's due to that distance that the actors can seem pleasantly cat-like without appearing like they're doing this under hypnosis. That's another reason why translating Cats to a live action movie is kinda doomed to fail. With movies you're too up close. Welcome to the Uncanny Valley, hope you survive your stay!

The costumes are also very 80s. They have changed... but not all that much. If you know glam metal and punk rock then you probably cotton on to the references and why a lot of the old pictures look like a hair band's photo shoots. Young fans may not be aware of those roots and just accept the wigs and the color schemes and the setting as a whim. But the truth is undeniable. The 80s live on!

Much of the dance is choreographed to reflect feline, seemless movement. The actors spend their down time on stage mimicking relaxed cat behaviors, including the cute and clumsy ones that made Youtube rich. But they don't forget that they are actually humans any more than the audience does, or that getting too into it would be pretty weird. How well it works for you probably has a lot to do with whether or not you like Cats the musical. It's not supposed to be realistic or freaky. Just evocative and atmospheric.

Except the orgy. That simply Is. Sex through ballet. In unitards.

The stage!

The stage is a huge draw for seeing Cats live. There's so much detail and fun things to spot. It's a junkyard! Cats pop out of the strangest places! Honestly it's so impressive that it makes the way Old Deut magically reappears under a blanket rather more noticeably lackluster... (I did really enjoy the way the Broadway revival revamped that bit with the dark and the hand-held light dance)

You've seen it once, you've seen it twice, you still haven't seen it

The legend of Cats is that no two performances are the same. You can go to the same theater with the same cast night after night and spot subtle changes. Because the characters aren't that important overall, there aren't real relationships to interrupt by letting someone be friends with someone else in one show, and ignore each other in another. The most fun comes with watching the actors not currently center stage, who can do whatever they want. They're always moving, darting here and there, interacting with each other in an unobstrusive way. It's like a treasure hunt to work out whch cats are friends, which are rivals, who has a crush on who, heck, who's a grown cat and who's still a kitten, depending on the performance. I love this pliable approach, it gives the play a sense of living and changing.

Electric guitar!!!

Like, it's par for the course these days. Nothing unusual. Even so, I always lose my shit at that electric guitar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There IS a story!! There is!!

It's just not the most important part. Or even the second most important. Possibly not even the third most... yeah.

One thing worth noting is that the vibe of the musical has changed a lot of over the years. Most versions in the US and UK still retain some of the original grungy, gritty, patchwork aesthetic. A lot of it has been cleaned up and polished. The Japanese version (the only non-English version I've seen live) is almost like a Disney story imo. But thanks to the costumes, characters, and stage setting, it feels less like the 80s have gone than the 80s have been reinterpreted into modern preferences. I really enjoyed the 2016 Broadway revival for example, although I know some fans didn't.

All that to say the story which we fans have more or less pieced together ourselves has evolved over the years, and isn't super official. But it is regular. Hooper's movie doesn't get credit for giving Cats a plot, it already had one, just told in a not especially coherent way. That incoherence, despite being panned by everyone and especially their dog, I think is one of the best parts of Cats. You get to leave the show feeling like you missed nothing, then see it again and notice something new, and then leave feeling like you missed nothing. Rinse and repeat. The perfect show =)

Now about that plot.

The Jellicle Cats assemble once a year to have an orgy a ball. They're so happy to see each other and they just have so much to catch up, plus the kittens only opened their eyes like last week so they need a whole run-down of who all these older guys are. We meet the maternal cat, the storyteller cat, the railway cat, the twin thief cats, the excitable cat, the magical cat, the Jagger cat. They're all kind of sort of in competition to win a new life (cats have nine you know) by being chosen to go to the Heavyside Layer. Not that they compete - they all just want, vaguely, with a sort of existential soul-deep yearning for something too ineffable to define. This contrast of the transient with the permanent, the fleeting with the eternal, is introduced early in the show, when the cats tell us they have two names: a name they're called by on a daily basis, and a secret name that is wholly and uniquely their own. These themes continue throughout scenes of the actors grooming each other's fur and panting in bisexual lust due to sexy Tugger's sexy hip thrusts. It's deep bro. Gets me right here, bro.

Meanwhile there's an outcast called Macavity who is Bad, but most of the sightings of him are false alarms. He doesn't show up properly till near the end of the second act and there's a whole cat fight, it's awesome, I love picking out which cats stay to fight and which run away. He abducts Old Deut, the patriarch, and the only chance the cats have to get him back is Mister Mistoffelees, who depending on the performance is kind of clumsy and insecure, or really effing amazeballs at magic. I prefer the first because it makes more sense why Rum Tum Tugger sings his song for him (old versions have Mister Mistoffelees singing at least part of his song). Then Old Deut's back and now it's time for the Heavyside Layer!

Meanwhile meanwhile, there's Grizabella, who is haunting the Jellicle Ball with much more tangible yearning. She's washed up, a has-been. She can't dance anymore. No one trusts her. Why? Idk, people are just like that. The other cats fear Macavity, who represents destruction and chaos, but they look down on Grizabella, who is failure and regret and mortality. For whom all the broken dreams could be forgotten if she could join just one more dance. Defeating Macavity isn't the Jellicles ultimate test - accepting Grizabella is.

ETA: I feel like I didn't quite get across why this is so important. The show spends so much time building up our dread of Macavity, but sightings of Grizabella leave us feeling wrong-footed and uncomfortable. And the reason is: Macavity is destruction, but Grizabella is destroyed. A grizzled beauty - someone with no more life left in them. She's a vision of a grim future which the Jellicles want to reject. She's been made small and weak and pathetic. So they blame her for her situation, because then they can go on with their ball without all that discomfort. And they don't just decide to redeem her in the end - first, Grizabella has to sing "Memory." Grizabella needs to tell the Jellicles "There was a time before I experienced destruction too, when I didn't know how happy I was." The only thing which keeps that spark in her alive is the memory of it, and it's that which makes her the chosen candidate to go the Heavyside Layer. A threat like Macavity, while very scary, is mortal and temporary. But Grizabella's ability to look back on her life and find the happiness in it, and reach out to the others while on death's door, despite the risk of harsh rejection, speaks to something eternal. And the Jellicles have a choice whether they will show acceptance for that full course of life.

Then up she goes via the Stairway to Heaven and who knows what happens to her after that. Idgaf really, ask the Everlasting Cat. And then we sing a song about how great cats are because it's true. I mean come on. Shakespeare would write this.

Um wait up... plot holes???

Wait - why did Macavity kidnap Old Deut in the first place though? This is pretty unexplored backstory. Generally fans assume Macavity torments the Jellicles on the regular, and that he did something to Demeter in the past, which is why she's often depicted as the most skittish when he's mentioned. He's a bad egg - his song details enough - and also he's got his paws in the community, thanks to Griddlebone and Mungojerrie.

OK, so not knowing what his motivation is, as well as not knowing why Mungojerrie, who is fairly lovable despite being a thief, is involved with him, is kind of a big plot hole. It'd be nice to know that right? It'd be nice to know what happened to Grizabella - did she leave the Jellicles by choice, did she shun and reject them before she went off on her own? What did these characters do leading up to the events of the show?

This is what defines the True Cats Fan. The True Cats Fan not only doesn't know the official answers to these questions (there aren't any, shut up Hooper), but PREFERS them that way. Number one, it turns the show into a single evening suspended in time. We are voyeurs - guests come to witness the holy day of the catpeople. We are foreigners. We don't understand everything we see because we are not one of them. "What's a Jellicle Cat?" The cats are stunned that we don't know, but can't explain it to us in full either. A Jellicle Cat doesn't need it explain. They always know. So the story is what it is, you know what you know, and what you don't, well, it's not inconsequential, but it is for tomorrow. And tomorrow isn't today, that's the thing.

Number two is that the True Cats Fan doesn't want these questions answered because... we'd rather answer them ourselves!

LAST. The fan lore rocks!

Cats is just so much fun to fan girl in. Because the canon is so whatever, we can come up with our own ideas about backstory and relationships, and when we go to the next show, it's gleeful fun to see what elements of pure director's whim support our fan theories. If you're not interested in headcanons or fan theories you can leave now, here's your certificate, now you know what Cats fans love about the musical Cats. If you're a true freak, read on!

A lot of these are influenced by the 1998 DVD because that was the most accessible way to watch Cats (the musical). But the best ones have roots in any show canon, or extrapolate from like, a single lyric. Making sense of the nonsense without committing to getting rid of the nonsense, because we love nonsense. Also these DON'T all go together, they are independent headcanons, otherwise some of them would be really Not Good hahaha.

OK, so Old Deut is everyone'd dad. BUT, he's particularly dad of Munkustrap, Macavity, and Rum Tum Tugger. Sometimes in that order, sometimes not. This is hilarious to me. I love the idea that Munk and Tugger are brothers and that's why they drive each other batty. And who doesn't love a secret third brother who is als evil, or prodigal son who kidnaps his own father?

Demeter was Macavity's girlfriend before he got kicked out, or sometimes she went with him and came back once she realized he lost his marbles. She's been traumatized by him and that trauma is even choreographed or her. There's behind the scenes video, I think it's from the 1998 DVD, where they explain that, so it's rather more than a theory. She often has a role in the fight scene - an actual fighting role, rather than a cowering one. Now Demeter is Munkustrap's mate, which, if you accept the "Munkustrap/Tugger/Macavity are brothers" theory, makes for all kinds of juicy drama.

Victoria is Plato's girlfriend. Victoria is Mistoffelees's sister. Victoria is Mistoffelees's girlfriend. Victoria is Munkustrap's girlfriend??? Take your pick lol.

Victoria can't speak and/or is deaf and that's why she communicates through dancing.

Demeter and Bombalurina are sisters

Sillabub/Jemima is Munkustrap's daughter (ok...).

Munkustrap is the Jellicle leader of sorts. Old Deut is the real leader, but he's old y'know. And Munkustrap is kinda sorta his son. But Munk doesn't do a lot of leaderly things. He disciplines sometimes and controls the kittens, and he fights in the battle scene. But mostly he sings songs and tells stories. So there's a headcanon that Munk has reservations about being Old Deut's successor and wishes he could just tell stories all the time. So wholesome...

Rum Tum Tugger is a bi disaster and Mister Mistoffelees is his twink boyfriend. Gay cats, they're gay, it's theater, it's a show about cats with a cat orgy, did you really expect different? Now although I make fun I am into it. Tugger, brash and vain yet insecure, and Mistoffelees, insecure with inner pride. In some shows older cats like Skimbleshanks and Gus will be shown trying to lead Mistoffelees away from Rum Tum Tugger during his song, as if concerned by their promising, talented young friend's interest in the local Bad Boy. Mistoffelees's real talent humbles Tugger, and Tugger's audaciousness enables Mistoffelees to take risks. Thus the day is saved! Tugger and Mistoffelees weren't always a set on stage - it could be Mistoffelees and Munkustrap as the two leads, or why Tugger sings Mistoffelees's song would just go without explanation. But these days it's a popular enough duo that it's become fairly regular. And the 2016 actors put Tugger/Misto fan art on the wall in their dressing room therefore it is Canon.

Skimbleshanks and Jennyanydots are a couple, inspired by the way he teases her during the Gumbie Cat song

Skimbleshanks is a DILF

Grizabella was Old Deut's girlfriend x'D or is Macavity's mother or something. Personally I don't need this theory lol we've already got enough overlapping relationships to write twelve soap operas so.

Cats with collars are house cats, cats without are strays. Not super reliable but fun to think about.

Some cats aren't named, or have different names depending on the country or decade. These cats can have some really, really dedicated fans whose personal headcanons about these completely undeveloped characters are ironclad.

Asparagus and Gus are father and son. This is to explain why the actor who plays Asparagus is always around, and called Gus/Asparagus, and then for Theater Cat and Growltiger he seems much older but is still called Gus. It's the same actor in slightly different costumes but fans just pretend there's two characters to explain it.

Same thing with Admetus/Plato, who doubles as Macavity in the 1998 DVD, and in many stage performances as well. Macavity is Plato's evil alter ego, but he's in love with Victoria so he doesn't want anyone to know. Or he's not even aware that he is Macavity. A Jekyll and Hyde sort of deal.

Mistoffelees is Macavity's son and that's why he can do magic. (Ergo why Macavity can make Old Deut disappear and Mistoffelees can make him reappear).

Alonzo was Munkustrap's gay fling in college so to speak. Or Alonzo is Munkustrap's half-brother

Coricopat and Tantomile are psychic twins (almost canon) and coach Sillabub/Jemima because she sings really pretty when she's in a trance and seems to Know Ineffable Stuff. In fanfics they're often depicted as not liking Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, which is kinda funny because I guess I would have thought twins on twins would have been The Thing, lol.

Griddlebone was Gus's wife and sometimes Jellylorum's mom. She's evil, independently of Macavity, but also in cahoots with him because song lyrics. ETA: Also that she's Grizabella when she was young!

There's a cat just called George who everyone loves. He's an ensemble cat with no particulars. Love George. Worship George.

Look there's like ninety seven thousand characters in Cats (the Musical) and three times as many headcanons. I'm leaving a lot out but I can't remember any more right now and I gotta go make dinner.