#i spend entirely too much time thinking about all of this to an embarrassing degree

[georgiapeach30513]

Two Good Reasons, Part 2

Summary: The truth comes out

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  language, mentions of cheating, mention of fertility issues, depictions of depression, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Your leg bounces up and down when you look at your phone. You are late. And knowing Scott, he’s going to use this against you. You rarely went out. But this…

You look down at your clothes. His clothes. What else were you supposed to do but grab his button up, and some sweats. It still smelled like him, and you’re swooning. You can still feel him in your body. On your body. He didn’t just fuck you, he made sure to implant his entire soul in you, and it leaves you longing for more. Things with Andy have always been good enough for one time.

It was beautiful, and perfect, and just like how you would imagine seeing him again. But you can’t want him. Your life is a mess, and you can’t bring him into it. You give a nod to the Uber driver as you get out of the vehicle. Your heeled shoes oddly matched with his clothes, and make too much noise as you walk up the front steps.

Walking into the house, you’re met with Scott glaring at you. You don’t answer. You want to see your babies. But he makes a show out of looking at his watch. “You’re over an hour late.”

“Sorry, I ruined your Sunday morning, Scott.”

“And what the hell are you wearing?” His hand gestures down your body, and you feel your cheeks flare up in anger more than embarrassment. Like he had any room to talk. He smirks. Reaching across the counter to slide your wallet towards you. “The District Attorney dropped this off for you. Guess I know whose clothes you’re wearing. My god. How can you be so fucking stupid?”

“I’m stupid? How’s Taylor? Your twenty-three year old fiancé? She’s just waiting for the damn divorce to be finalized, huh?” He hates when you bring up the engagement, or her age. Hell, everyone could tell she was young. Most thought she was younger than twenty-three.

Scott takes a deep breath. His fingers tap on the counter. “If you give us the house, I won’t fight you for full custody.”

Your eyes immediately well with furious tears as you stare at the man that you loved so much. You gave up everything to give him the family and home he wanted. The only thing you couldn’t give him anymore was children. Taylor could. He made sure of it. Plus her boobs weren’t droopy from breastfeeding. Her hips weren’t wider from bearing children. Her hair wasn’t thinner because you gave to your babies.

“Why are you always crying? My god, we’ve been over this. You’re getting alimony. Why do you need this house?”

“Why do you?” you counter immediately.

He sighs, shaking his head, “Because we’re going to have a family. You’re — not.”

“You son of a bitch. You're bargaining my kids for this ugly house? You think you have a leg to stand on for full custody?” This is the thing that infuriates you most about Scott. He was a good father, but now that the veil has been removed, you see that his children were more of a show for him. Something to talk about at meetings. Brag about when Audrey got into the best Pre-K in the city. Not because he actually enjoyed them. That was you.

“I have a career. You have…”

“I was your wife, and their mom, nurse, teacher, friend, entertainment, cook, maid,” you would do it all again to spend time with them. Them. It pains you knowing that Suede is at a center, when with Audrey you spent every waking minute with her.

“Yeah, I get it. You did all that for me, but that still doesn’t mean anything. I paid for this house. I’m the one that makes the money.”

“Get out,” you answer blankly. Don’t argue with him outside of the courtroom. That’s what your cheap lawyer told you. Don’t give him ammunition to take your children away. He wanted you to stay at home. He wanted you to not use your college degree. He wanted you to give everything for the family.

“We’re not finished. I am trying to negotiate things with you. Especially since you’re running around sleeping with the DA. You think that’s going to actually help your case? Seriously?” Of all the things to say, this was the worst. To think he thought so little of you that you would sleep with someone that could leverage the case. He’s an ass. But he also knows about your Andy. Too bad, he didn’t realize they were the same person.

“Andy is not just the DA,” Scott looks over your features, and your mouth turns up into a smile. Is he really lecturing you about sleeping around? At least you chose someone that was more than a tight body and big tits. You chose someone you loved, could see a future with. And you were pushing him away, “Andy is an old friend.”

“You bitch,” you shrug, starting to walk backwards towards your children who should be taking a nap. “Are you fucking kidding me. That’s — you — don’t tell me you fucked him so…”

“Mommy!” You shoot him a glare as Audrey comes running down the hallway. Jumping into your arms, and you hug her so tightly. “You smell nice,” you hope Scott hears her. You weren’t into playing games where your children are concerned, but you hope he feels even a tiny prick of the pain you felt when you found him fucking Taylor in your bed. “Me and Suedey missed you.”

“I missed you, too, baby. You want to go get Suede, so you guys can tell daddy, bye?” She furrows her brows, while she looks at you confused. “Baby what is it?”

“It’s nothing. Audrey, go get Suede,” he gives her a little wink, and you place her back on the floor, and turn to look at him. “It’s nothing.”

“If that woman was in my house again, so help me God, Scott,” it’s the one thing you hated. Her being here. Of course you didn’t want them at her apartment either, and neither did Taylor. It was too small and they caused a mess, which is why overnight stays with their dad were few and far between.

“She doesn’t like being alone.”

“And the agreement was for her to not be in my dwellings. This is my dwelling.”

“And it should be ours! You don’t even want it. You hate it here. You’re just doing this because you don’t want Taylor and I to have it.”

“I’m doing this? Who is the one that said you won’t go for full custody if I give you the house? Taylor put you up to that?” Scott stops his retort as a swollen eyed Suede comes waddling into the room, and you lift him up. “Why is he snotty? I was gone one night, why is he snotty?” You hate being that mom, but with Suede, you have to be careful.

“He petted Trixie,” you look up at Scott dumbfounded. “It was just for a little bit and then…”

“Audrey,” Scott warns, and you want to throw things at him, and scream. She did nothing wrong. She is the child, and he is the adult. “Come give me a hug. I need to finish talking to your mom," you let your chubby toddler waddle off to his daddy. And Audrey gives you a lingering look before grabbing her brother’s hand. Apologizing as she drags him to the play room.

“It wasn’t a big deal.”

“He’s allergic to cats.”

“I gave him a Benadryl. He’ll be fine.”

You hate him. It isn’t much to ask for Taylor not to be here. And for her not to bring her fucking cat. “And what happens if she feeds him something with eggs?” Scott looks at the counter, and you wonder if he ever regrets getting involved with her. He’s the type of man that will force something to work. Because you didn’t stand for cheating, so he didn’t have another option.

“What happens if she gives him walnuts? Or milk? Or…?”

“Or gives him shell fish? Or strawberries? Or pineapples? Or whatever made up bullshit you have for him. She’s a kid and doesn’t know how bad his allergies are.”

You stare at him, and let him think about his fucking words. Seething because he sure knows how to piss you off. This was a good day. You stared at Andy’s sleeping body for too long before you tiptoed around his bedroom. Having sex so many times exhausted him now. “You’re right, she’s a kid. And had no business being with you. But our son’s health is not made up. I held his body when the nurse pricked his skin forty times, and he was wailing in my arms, and not understanding why his mommy was forcing him to do this. Don’t tell me it’s fucking made up Scott. Get out.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Get out. Leave. I can’t even look at you. This isn’t the you I married. You would never put our children’s health at risk,” he continues to stand there. Opening his mouth a bit, but you’re tired. You’re sore. And all you want is to play with your children. “I don’t need you to ask me if I’m going to use this against you. Yes, when it comes to my children’s lives and their safety, you’re damn straight I will make sure my children are alive to see another day, and not because some tramp thinks Seude’s allergies aren’t that fucking serious. Get. Out.”

He bites his lip before spinning on his heels quickly. You watch him walk out of your house, and life again. Sniffling when you lock the door. You take a few deep breaths before you have to put on your mommy shoes. It isn’t easy being a mother. Especially a single mother. It’s not easy seeing the man that you built a life with walk away so callously. To see him building a life with someone younger. Someone who can give him what he wants.

Someone who didn’t spend months and months on fertility treatments that made her feel like her skin was crawling. Like her mind was shattered. Having to schedule sex, and hope and pray that it will work. All the useless damn pregnancy tests that were always negative. Stressed, and trying to be what he wanted, only to find him fucking the babysitter, while your children slept in the next room. And it was your fault you caught them, you got back home early.

Scott didn’t even begin to understand stress. He could never understand the ups and downs your mental state went through just trying to give him what he wanted. You had Audrey and Suede. One of each, you weren’t greedy. But everything you ever did was always for him. Put on a smile when you’re hurting so bad internally. Smiling to the neighbors because everything was perfect. And you had a perfect home, and inside you were screaming because that wasn’t happiness.

The only happiness you currently have is your kids. They’re enough. They’re the reason you wake up every morning, and take them to the nursery school. They’re the reason that you get excited that Audrey wears a little uniform now that she’s in Pre-K. They put a smile on your face everyday. And those hard days when they test your every patience, and you are the one that has to be the positive one and get them in the bed, but who takes care of you?

You wanted a family and a partner. Someone that would team up with you, and take some of this load off. Someone that could entertain the kids, while you had one hour to yourself, just so you can take a bath and read. You wanted someone you could trust to be around your kids, and you’re wondering where things went wrong with Scott. Yeah, you’re sure he was stressed, but what about your stress? You’re the one who didn’t even enjoy sex anymore because it was a chore. And you did it for him.

Gods, Andy wasn’t a chore. Minus the ache in your core, that you know is going to be there for awhile. Bruised, raw, stiff, sore, and stretched. He fucked you, and fucked you so hard and deep. But then — later in the night, he kissed you. He kissed you so hard that your body prepared for him in seconds. You craved him. But he didn’t fuck you. He pushed into your warmth so slow that you knew he was making sure your body memorized him. That wasn’t fucking. That was claiming. It was euphoric. It was making love, and hoping that his body can make you change your mind. He still wants you.

That is what you want with sex. Not to just lay there, and let them take what you want, while you count the cobwebs on the ceiling. But Andy didn’t deserve whatever is going on between you and Scott. Andy deserves the world. He always has.

It isn’t anything, really. Just the average separation, and fighting for custody that Scott didn’t deserve. But you want to be divorced. You want these conversations to be done with. You want him to man up, and just be the part time dad. It’s what he was anyways. But you made it clear that Andy had you for one night. And even now saying it out loud, you hate yourself. But it’s the right thing to do. Because had Andy been present for this, his usual calm and collected demeanor would have been tested.

“What are you two doing?” You jump around the door, and both kids squeal. Suede gives a few strides before he’s crashing into your legs. ��Bubba, I think you’re going to have to get your nose cleaned out at bathtime.”

“Nope. Me pay Sis,” he hates getting his nose cleaned out, and you hate that he has done it enough to know what you’re talking about.

“Mommy, I didn’t mean to get daddy in trouble.”

“Shh,” you sit on the floor, and pull her close to you. Kissing on top of her head, and she fumbles around with her little figurines. “The important thing is you told mommy that Suede was around something that can make him sick. That’s called being a good big sister, okay?”

“You promise?”

“I do,” and you curse Scott for making her worry about a grown man. It was something Scott wouldn’t have told you. Bending the truth because Suede was fine. Audrey, your strong sweet girl, knew it was wrong, and knew it could make her brother sick.

“Can we go to soft play tonight?” You look at her confused. Scott said that he was going to take them there with Taylor. Since she was supposed to be here. “Daddy said that they were closed. Do you think they’re closed today?”

“No, baby. They’re not today,” you always had to go with Scott’s lies. Taylor never wanted to do ‘baby things’. You wondered how that was going to work when she had children of her own. “You think mommy can take a shower with the door open and you and Suede not get into trouble?”

“Can we get ice cream, too?” She gives you a devilish grin, and you nod your head with a smile. “Are you going to use your bathroom?”

“No, I’ll use yours. That way I can still hear you, if you need me,” Audrey isn’t dumb. She knows you’re lying. In reality you couldn’t use yours and Scott’s bathroom anymore. It had the beautiful tub that was part of the reason you and him decided on this house. You couldn’t even sleep in your bed. Not after they defiled it.

You knew that was the real reason, and still you made excuses as to why you slept on the couch. Your favorite was to make sure nobody came through the front door. Whatever lie helped you sleep at night. Maybe you should just give Scott the house. But it’s the principle of the matter that he used your children as leverage. You want him to pay, and you want him to be their father, you want them to have a good relationship with him and Taylor, and you want things to not be so fucking difficult. You never get what you want.

You remember the most beautiful parts of your marriage. Audrey in a world of her own, while Suede goes from watching her to rolling his cars around. They were your sanity. Your saving grace, and the only reasons you’ve survived thus far. Your thumb trails over your naked ring finger. You didn’t realize you would miss it so much. But was it the ring you missed or the husband you had? You can’t even think of Scott in the same way as before. He sullied your relationship and has proven too often that Taylor is more important than your everything’s.

“So,” Sloane says as Andy walks past you and into Ransom’s office. You didn’t question why Andy needs to meet with him. It goes with the territory and the less you know the better off you are. “Big dick daddy doesn’t pay you any mind anymore?”

You choke on your coffee as you glance up at her. How the hell would she know about Andy’s dick or your involvement? “I mean, the man prances around the courthouse like he’s got a dick made out of lead. Acts like he owns the whole court system. And for a while, he always made a point to ask you for coffee, or dinner, or brought you pastries. What did you do?”

“Nothing,” you go back to your work. Sloane could be a nosy woman. Always digging for more information. And even now, she’s eyeing you like you’ve done something wrong.

“You when I think that things changed?”

“Nope,” you sigh, but she sure is going to tell you. Andy respected your wishes for just one night. But you hoped that he wouldn’t. And you know you’re acting silly. There was this part that is bigger than you really want to admit that hoped he wouldn’t give up on you. Because maybe once things are settled with Scott you might consider it.

“It might have something to do with his celebration of another year as District Attorney, and the two of you not so casually leave together. You kinda forgot your car here,” your fingers freeze, and you look up at her curiously. “You two left out the door together, and your car was here? Seriously?”

“I had a flat tire.”

“No, you didn’t,” there isn’t another way you can lie, so you just sit at your desk, staring at her. “So how was it? I’m assuming that you had sex. You’ve got kids, you’re not a virgin. So why not? Is he as big as people think?”

“People talk about his dick size?”

“Not just talk about his dick size, but have tried to break his impenetrable force field of his private life. And you come in here, and everyone is envious because he immediately showed interest in you. Why?” Her eyebrow cocks up, and she smiles. “Keep your secrets. Cause I know you fucked him, and I know now that he barely even looks at you. So either you told him how it was going to be, or…”

Her voice trails off as she walks away from your desk, “Or what?” That sounds ominous, and you didn’t want an or. You want to know that Andy doesn’t hate you. But what could make him hate you that much? The only thing would be, “Scott…”

—

“Stop moping,” Ransom rolls his eyes, but Andy is so far lost in thought it annoys Ransom. “You’ve been like this for a couple of weeks,” Andy ignores Ransom, stirring his coffee. “What’s wrong, your highness?”

“Your office manager.”

“Was the sex that bad?” Andy looks up at him confused. Scrunching up his brows, while he wonders when Ransom thinks he had sex with you. “You two weren’t subtle. She was all giggly, and you were dragging her out the door. Liquid courage I guess. Not to mention, Sloane said that her car was here once everyone left. Office hookups are severely frowned upon, but you needed laid. But I guess…it was bad.”

Andy shakes his head no. “And we had agreed on sex while she was sober,” you were sober. And cute. And flirty. And Andy was not going to miss an opportunity. Until he found out you are married.

“How romantic. Now, since the sex was good, let’s get to work.”

“She told me that I could only have her one night. We have a bit of a history, you see,” Ransom rolls his eyes, twirling his hand and motioning Andy to speed up the conversation. He didn’t care what kind of history you had. He just wants the conversation to end so he can get down to business. “She’s married.”

Ransom shakes his head no, and leans to reach in a bottom drawer of his desk. Grabbing up a file folder, he drops it on the desk in front of Andy, and he pulls it towards him. Opening up the folder, he reads through it, and looks at Ransom, holding his breath. “Yeah, that’s a petition for full custody of her kids from her wonderful estranged husband, Scott Huffman. Her working here wasn’t just because she needed a job. She actually went to college to be…”

“A CPA. I’m aware. We have a history.”

“And didn’t know about her legal separation?” Ransom is annoyed. Ransom hates getting off track. There is a schedule, and Andy isn’t sticking to it. “Her lawyer is one of the cheapest ones. She needs new representation, and for some godforsaken reason, I pity her. Scott doesn’t need his kids full time. He’s got him some blonde that’s too young for him, but he’s got the money. She was a stay at home mom, and she deserves her kids, so I’m trying to make that happen. And no, you cannot intervene. You actually met him didn’t you? Scott?”

“I’ve met him in court a few times.”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. Don’t get involved. She’s not married. Well, she’s legally separated. So if that’s what the issue is, get over it,” Ransom is sometimes way to blunt, but it’s the reason Andy admires him. His pension for being a spoiled brat helped him be a better ADA. “That fucker is still calling her his wife isn’t he?”

“Yeah. Men like him love to show that they still own her. Using her kids against her, no doubt. But,” Andy holds his hands up in surrender. He knows Ransom can see right through him concerning this situation. “I won’t interfere.”

“Was her pussy that good?”

“It was always that good, but it was never about the sex,” he meets his eyes before he closes the folder, and extends it to Ransom. He misjudged the situation. And then he probably has been making you feel like a wet hole by ignoring you these past couple of weeks. “God, I'm an idiot.”

”Yeah, now if you can stop ignoring her, and go back to your obvious shameless flirting. It sounds like the two of you, if you want a future, need to fucking talk. Just like we’re supposed to be doing.”

Ransom is right. About a lot of things. He pushes the urgent need to talk to you aside. He wants to apologize for ignoring you, and even the horrible things he thought. He wants to understand what really happened in your marriage, if you want to talk. He wants to let you know that you have a friend in him. Not just a sexual need. He cares about you. And knowing that a ruthless man is trying to get full custody of your children, sickens him. Scott worked too many hours to ever need those children.

But mostly, he wants to know the new you. The one you kept hidden, and the one that grew up and created a new life. He wants to know that you are okay. And that you have someone with a steady head to lean on. He wants you. He always has. And he’ll be whatever you need. If you’ll let him.

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[lovelyhan]

— meet cute of the century (a teaser) ⟢

the last thing you expected when you volunteered at your city’s local animal shelter is to meet the hottest, clumsiest cat person in the world. now if only he’d just adopt one of them so you’d stop ogling him every time he drops by.

★ FEATURING; wonwoo x reader

★ WORD COUNT; 1.7k words

★ TAGS; meet cute, strangers to lovers, pining, some angst, smut (though this teaser is completely sfw!)

★ TAGS; mentions of accidents but it's not given much detail

★ NOTES; i'm back with my low quality wonwoo bf pics for my teaser headers hehe i am soooo excited to write the rest for this! honestly didn't think the teaser would end up this long but here we are :3c little heads up that some parts of this teaser could change in the full story, but nothing major plot-wise will be taken out. hope you like it!

this is part of the doting on you! series.

There are a handful of things that a college student can do with their free time. Studying, hanging out with friends, and maybe even picking up a hobby of sorts. You, on the other hand, use up all the hours you’re not spending on your undergrad thesis or sleeping the day away at an animal shelter just a few minutes away from your apartment. 

Your friends constantly wonder how you’re still able to maintain a remarkable GPA with a part-time job that’s starting to look full-time, but you just laugh their questions off for the most part—saying that other people have got it worse than you, but can still perform leagues better academically. 

You also tell them that most of your motivation comes from all the unadopted animals from the shelter. You started as a volunteer just to kill time on weekends when you’re free, but even if you knew better than to get attached to all those adorable faces, you eventually found yourself on the part-time employee roster anyways. 

Now you’re rushing to finish your degree so you can get a neat sugar mommy job that’ll let you afford to adopt everyone that’s been stuck in the shelter for nearly a year or more.

Okay, maybe not everyone because you’re no fool with a savior complex. But just enough to give a few furry friends a new home, right?

“Don’t look now,” your coworker, Mari whispers conspiratorially while you’re in the middle of snacking in the break room, “but that cutie you’ve been crushing on just walked inside. He’s checking out the cats out in the playroom as usual.”

Right. Apart from your altruistic dream of adopting as many animals as your financial capabilities can allow, there’s another reason you’re always looking forward to your shifts at the shelter. A reason that you’re a bit too embarrassed to let your friends know about.

You nearly choke on a potato chip when Mari breaks the news and she immediately laughs in your face. Glaring at her, you compose yourself with a long gulp of water before saying, “I do not have a crush on him.”

“Sure,” she plays along. “If you consider making googly eyes at the guy every time he drops by as ‘not having a crush on him’, then I’ll concur.” 

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t, sweetheart. Now get out there and sweet talk him into take one of the kittens home! Pretty sure he wants one if he’s been showing up as much as he did for the last two months.” 

While you would’ve argued that the so-called cutie you’ve been crushing on could just like seeing the cats play around in his free time, you don’t really have much energy to play mental gymnastics with Mari. You’ve had a long day of revisions and other nonsense materials you have to submit for your majors, so you’ll let this one slide.

Your workplace is as bleak as every other shelter you’ve seen a few times in your life. Gray walls, concrete floors, and steel cages stacked on top of each other. It looks more like a prison than anything, really, but it’s the staff and those kind-hearted souls who rehome animals that have long been abandoned that give the entire place some life.

While Mister Cutie That You’ve Been Quote-Unquote Crushing On doesn’t exactly fall into either of those categories, you like to think he still leaves the building just a touch colorful once he walks out of the front door. 

Speaking of color, he’s wearing a loose, dark green shirt that falls just below his elbows. Cutie—as you’ve deigned to call him not because you think he’s cute but because you’re yet to get his name—has one palm flattened across the viewing glass of the playroom. He’s wearing his usual black face mask today, but from the way his eyes glint behind his glasses, you’re just going to assume he’s having a good time just by watching the cats frolic inside.

“You’re here pretty late,” you state nonchalantly before standing a few feet away from him. 

“Is that so strange?” he murmurs with a chuckle, surprisingly not startled with your sudden entrance before glancing your way. “I always show up here at this hour, don’t I?”

God. No matter how many times you hear his voice, you just can’t get over how deep it is. But before any of your thoughts could show on your face, you get talking.

“True. You’ve sparked a debate among the volunteers about your line of work, actually.” Not exactly. You’re not sure if any of the volunteers have even seen this guy, since they mostly work day shifts. “Anyway, are you just here to check ‘em out or am I finally going to hand you the adoption papers?”

His eyes crinkle a bit before he shifts his gaze towards the playroom again. Most of the older cats have already been put back in their respective cages. All that’s left inside are the kittens with way too much energy to spare. The director, A.K.A., your boss, believes that it’s best to tire them out first before settling them into individual enclosures for the night. Keeps the place nice and quiet for the evening shift fellows like yourself.

“Not yet, sadly,” Cutie says with a sigh before pointing at one of the kittens huddled up in a corner. “That one’s new, isn’t it? I don’t think I’ve seen him around before.” 

“Her,” you correct. “Her name’s Hani. She’s a stray that someone from the university I’m attending brought in last week. It was pretty ugly, actually. Poor thing got into an accident and was bleeding everywhere. Good thing our usual vet was paying a visit when they came here.”

“Oh? That’s a relief then. No wonder she’s got a little limp every time she walks around,” he observes with a saddened tone. “But I digress. You mentioned you were attending university?”

…Okay, why’d the topic of interest suddenly shift to you? 

But since it’s a harmless enough question, you reply with, “Yeah. The one that’s just a few blocks away. It’s kinda why the person who found Hani brought her here instead of a vet clinic. The nearest one’s like half an hour away.”

“Good call, good call.” He nods with a look of understanding. “I hope someone comes and adopts her. She deserves all the love she can get. Well, everyone here does of course.” 

You flash him a conniving smile, raising your brows a few times. “You could give that to her.”

Cutie shakes his head with another low-pitched laugh. “As much as I’d love to, my…living conditions won’t be suitable for her at all. Or any of the other animals for the matter.”

“Hm?” You stare at him curiously. “Your landlord doesn’t allow pets or something?”

“Mmm… Not exactly.”

The conversation pretty much ends there. Cutie excuses himself—saying that someone is waiting for him at home. You don’t know why your heart deflates a little at the very real possibility that he has a significant other. Then again, if you’re this whipped when you haven’t even seen his face, you could only imagine how easy it would be for him to settle down with someone who has.

Either way, it’s none of your business. And correction: you’re not whipped. Just…hyper aware of his presence every time he stops by.

Despite the fact that you’re dead-set on filing away this strange fascination you have for the guy, however…

“Wait!”

Cutie turns around to face you with an inquisitive look. “Yes?”

You swallow thickly, deciding to just bite the bullet before your nerves get the best of you. “What’s your name? I can’t keep calling you Cu—I mean, Glasses Guy in my head whenever you pay us a visit.”

He blinks for a few seconds, obviously nonplussed by your forwardness but you don’t think your pride can take it anymore if you had to refer to him as—

“You can call me Woo,” he says warmly and you can almost see the smile that stretches behind that black face mask.

Shit. Did your heart just stutter?

“Mister Woo—”

“Just Woo is fine.”

“Okay, Woo,” you start, kind of liking the way that something that’s obviously a nickname rolls off the tongue, “just let me know if you ever want to take Hani home. We’re open twenty four-seven, as you already know.”

He nods. “Sure thing. Is it okay if I can get your number for that?”

Now you have to fight the urge to scowl at him after he’s been so nice to you all night—and every other night he’s dropped by. 

This guy isn’t flirting with you. He said it himself—someone’s waiting for him at home! Plus, he’s expressed consistent interest in adopting a kitten for himself a handful of times before. Maybe he just connected with Hani on a level that’s above the others. Enough to ask for your number since the possibility of him bringing one of these angels home is becoming more and more real. 

Yeah, that’s definitely the reason!

So you give it to him—hastily scrawled behind an old flier gathering dust in one of the drawers on the front desk. It’s way too big to write just yours and the shelter’s contact details on, but the other calling cards are nowhere in sight. You’ll have to ask Mari if she’s seen them once—

“Thanks. I’ll keep in touch,” Woo tells you while folding the sheet of paper into a sleek black Louis Vuitton wallet.

Wait a minute.

Before you can even seriously ponder about what job he’s got to be able to afford that, Woo is already out of the door—heading into the evening streets without once looking back. 

“Gosh, I swear that guy’s an idol in disguise or something.”

That’s the first thing that Mari tells you when you find her doing a few rounds among the sleeping dogs in the far back. You haven’t even spoken a single word about your most recent exchange. 

“What makes you think that?” 

“He just exudes idol vibes, y’know? Shows up here when the place is deserted. Always acts subtle and inconspicuous. Oh and not to mention how hot he looks even with a face mask on! He could be that one idol your little sister is crazy about.” 

You roll your eyes at her odd ways of deduction. “Mari, I’ve seen enough of Haewon’s Mingyu merch to last a lifetime and Woo definitely does not look like him.”

“Oh?” Your coworker perks up with a mischievous smile. “You finally got his name, huh?”

God. This is going to be a long shift.

want to be included in the taglist? send me an ask!

[blaithnne]

ok i forgot that goldie isnt canonically 5'1 on a good day so i have to restructure this ask

1) thoughts on short goldie

2) is heron short also

3) (contingent on answers 1 and 2) thoughts on scrooge and beakley both falling for tiny evil women

1) & 2)

I think the toxic yuri polycule height chart is something like this—!

They all wear heels so it’s not exact (also I whipped this up in like 5 minutes lol)

Huifen is tall, she’s a black heron after all, and though they’re not the tallest birds ever they’re still pretty long! But she looks short standing next to Beakley, because everyone does (also I undersized her a little bit in my first human drawing by accident, whoops). Goldie is a short queen LMAO, she’s not minuscule, only slightly shorter than the average person, but she looks tiny next to these two (she might be slightly shorter than I drew her here, idk, I struggled to scale her LOL). Scrooge, for the record, is around the same height as Goldie!

In terms of their builds btw, Beakley is, obviously, very muscular! Though she might seem like a tank, she’s actually very soft — big ol squishy teddy bear! Heron on the other hand is a gangly mf, long, skinny, and sharp. Goldie is sort of in between them, an hourglass build like Huifen, but with more muscle on her (not half as much as Beakley, though).

3)

Heron might not be tiny but Beakley treats her like she is, picks her up like a feral cat when she’s being too much 😌 Scrooge and Goldie only have a very slight height difference, but I think he’s very smug about it lol

Also, my funniest headcanon ever is that Beakley has a thing for bad girls, and she HATES IT. She’s so embarrassed about it and fully intends to take it to her grave. This also leads to her hating the aforementioned bad girls even more, bc she’s so frustrated with herself for liking the in the first place. So Beakley can spend 24 hours a day ranting about how much she hates someone, and be blushing the entire time. All this to say, Beakley might not technically have a leg to stand on when it comes to criticising Scrooge’s relationship, but that doesn’t stop her.

I think they’re both massive hypocrites about it, bc they wanna protect eachother despite the other really not needing the help. They’re also endlessly frustrated with eachother’s toxic Yuri partners. Beakley to a much bigger degree because she definitely has a thing for Goldie, which only makes her hate her even more. Scrooge is more annoyed by Beakley and Heron than anything else bc he just does not understand what the hell is going on there, but he’ll also occasionally be all,

In conclusion, Beakley and Scrooge being a disaster sibling duo is my favourite thing ever. Scrooge is practically immortal, nothing can take him down. Beakley is a walking tank, she could walk off a bullet. They looked at eachother and went “that idiot needs me to protect them from their own love life” and they were kind of right??

[legendofmorons]

twilight x gn!reader angst, involving a misunderstanding/argument? maybe one of the chain offhandedly makes a comment about twilight’s past feelings for midna (or ilia), and reader becomes convinced their feelings for him are unrequited, thus, acting differently towards him.

I'm so down for this! Sorry for the delay. School has been a real pain this semester.

Crush(ed) (Twilight)

Pairing: Twilight x Reader ("unrequieted")

Rating : G

Summary: When you overhear how Twilight feels for a princess ( you assume his zelda), you distance yourself in an attempt to save your own heart.

Warnings: angst, idiots

Other: If I missed anything, please let me know

-------

You can't really express how excited you are to be staying at an inn. The entire group has settled at a table, food set in front of them.

And you get an actual bed! To sleep in! Fuck yeah!

"I'm telling you, we have bad luck with love." Legend says, "Time and Sky are just flukes."

"Or you haven't lived long enough." Twilight challenges.

"Right because you and that princess of yours worked out so well." Legend says as he rolls his eyes. "At least you have that farm girl back home, you like her enough."

"Legend." Time says sharply.

"Ilia? She's a great girl." Twilight says, and that is all it takes to ruin your night.

You can deal with the mention of the princess. It's hard not to admire all Zeldas to a degree.

You've met a few, and they're crush worthy, at least. But the dismissal of the girl is nice still.

But a farm girl from his time and home? That's too much.

Because he dosen’t dismiss her name. He sounds so fond of her.

This sucks. You need to think.

You set your silverware down, having only eaten a few bites. "I'm headed to bed... I don't feel quite right."

Twilight turns to you immediately, "(Y/n) are you feelin' okay?"

"Just a bit under the weather. l. I should be fine later. Don't worry." You smile.

Sky shoots you a concerned look- which is fair since he's the only one you've told about your feelings for the resident cowboy.

You shoot him a soft smile, aiming for reassuring. (Based on the brow furrow you get back, you don't succeed. )

You stand up from the table, turning as you do.

Twilight grabs your wrist gently, "(Y/n), are you sure you're gonna be alright?"

You have to push back the swell of emotions. Obviously he's just being a good friend. There's no romance behind his actions.

(He really is a good friend. Thank Hylia you didn't tell him how you feel.)

You yank your wrist away because you know if you don't yank it, you'll do something stupid to let him talk you into staying, "I said that I'll be fine."

Twilight looks- hurt.

You're probably just imagining it.

(Right? Even if he is hurt, it's probably just cause he's worried about you. Like a friend would be. Like Sky is worried.)

You leave the room, already reevaluating all of the interactions you've had with Twilight. You have to stop letting him coddle you.

You have to stop asking him for help every time anything is slightly wrong.

You have to stop seeking him out for company and comfort so often.

And to get over him you should stop spending so much time with him.

Well, that's fine. You'll just stay busy and spend more time with Sky and Wind. Maybe Wild too, you'll stay busy with the cook around.

You find your room, the one you're sharing with Four. (Thankfully, if you were sharing with Twilight like you'd originally hoped, you would have considered running away.)

You collapse into a heap on your bed, eyes stinging as tears well up.

You're so stupid! Why would Twilight ever like you back?!

At least you found out he isn't interested before you confessed. That would have been so embarrassing.

Thank Hylia for little mercies. Or, however it is that the saying goes.

........

The past week has left Twilight feeling more blue than an icicle. His days dimmed dramatically by the lack of your presence beside him.

You're still traveling with them. (Where else would you go?)

But you are spending almost all of your time with the others. Mostly with Wind, Wild, and Sky.

And the few times you have interacted with him have been... well - distant and overly cordial. Like you're mad as a wet hen with him but don't wanna ruin the rest of the chain's days.

Twilight has tried to figure it out. But he comes up grasping for straws when he does. He can't find any reason for you to ignore him.

He hasn't done anything wrong. Not as far as anyone can tell him.

And he's asked. He's asked everyone! (Everyone except you.)

Though the look Sky gives is far too sympathetic for the skyloftian to not know something. Not that Sky would tell Twilight anything.

Not since Sky likes to stay out of confrontation when possible.

Right now though, you're stretched out over Wild and Wind, the three of you basking in the sunlight as the group rests for lunch.

"You're staring again." Hyrule says as he holds out a freshly filled canteen to Twilight.

"Am not."

"You really are, Twilight."

"Even if I am, what about it? Am I sposed to apologize?"

"No. You just look like a kicked puppy."

Twilight takes the canteen with a frown. His eyes falling to the ground between his feet.

"Hey, you could always just ask (Y/n) what's up."

"I'd sound crazy!"

"Not really."

"And how would I not sound crazy?" Twilight asks, and it'd almost be funny if hyrule weren't so done with this.

"You're just asking if you did something to upset them." Hyrule explains slowly, trying not to snap at the rancher.

"You don't get it. A week ago we were fine. We were practically best buddies! And now-"

"(Y/n) won't give you the time of day?" Hyrule finishes for Twilight helpfully. "You know it won't get better without talking. Right?"

"I know."

"Then talk to them."

Twilight does not do that. Instead he let's you have space. As much space as you want.

He's fine. Thank you very much. He isn't going to break just becuase someone He's so incredibly fond of stops being his friend.

(That would be stupid.)

So Twilight resigns himself to the way things are. And they stay like that. Becuase no one here believes in communication.

[isa-ghost]

ok

*insert coin*

Can I ask for q!Phil hcs BUT when he's fully un Bird mode :D

Jokes on you that's easy, those are just more plain qPhil hcs for me >:D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

Sometimes if he's in a fight that he's not taking seriously he'll put some goofy ass music on in his headphones. Some favorites include the Mario invincibility star theme, Waltz of the Meatball Man, and the kind of bubbly anime ending music that plays over an emotionally devastating scene

After way too much stress, once he gets Chayanne & Lullah to bed and is on his own he'll go somewhere and just. Scream. For as long as it takes. And then he chugs tea or noodle broth to prevent his throat from dying on him.

Sleep schedules his beloathed <- wants to spend more time with a bunch of islanders he doesn't get to see often

Out of the 3 polycule members, Fit is best at cheering him up. He knows Phil best and the extent to which he lacks a filter sometimes is too powerful for Phil not to at least smile at

His wheeze laugh is the best thing ever to the the kids. If the two of them can make him wheeze, they know they've done their job right.

As soon as he knows something is safe (the maze, an event site like the code builds, that new mountain at old Spawn, etc) he's the first one to start exploring. He's been that way as long as he can remember ;)

*Slaps top of his head* This old man can fit so much survivor's guilt in him

He's only old in age and wisdom, if you try to imply he's geriatric he will get SO out of pocket about the things he's done with Fit & Etoiles and you will regret it

Okay so I've talked about how his worst fear is not having control, especially of himself. And I've talked about other fears of his, but I don't think I've mentioned his fear of loss yet. He tries to pretend he isn't, he'll insist he isn't, and to some degree he isn't Entirely wrong, but he is afraid. Being as old as he is means you get a bit desensitized to loss because it's natural when the things and people around you don't live for as long as you do. The part of it Phil fears, or maybe hates is a better word, is all the emotional turmoil after. That bone-deep ache of grief, the heaviness that refuses to leave his chest, how easy it is to emotionally compromise him, the hollowness that consumes him. The way he can't think or sleep properly, how his motivation is completely wiped out, how embarrassing it feels to not be at 100% in front of people. He HATES the aftermath of it all.

Excursions, Shuniji, and ofc Weirdest Year by C418 are Phil grief songs, in this essay I will

The Federation has learned that if they want Phil to attend an event he isn't particularly interested in, all they have to do is have really good food there, especially Latino food

He does legitimately gag a little when he kills a mob and flies or maggots come out of it. That's not just drama, he fr is like 🤢. It reminds him of the first time he saw Ender King's corpse

A fraction of the reason why he has people he trusts very deeply, like Fit, whitelisted on his security stuff is bc he knows if he ever got too depressed (like when the kids were missing), he'd never leave the house and just bum around feeling awful despite being restless. Having them whitelisted means they can get in and force him to get some air and stop festering in his emotions.

See I could get into a whole analysis abt this but like. So many of my angst hcs for him are abt how he's kinda shit at taking care of himself, esp when the people he cares for the most are removed from the equation. But it's not that he's incapable of it, he's not a baby or something like that. It's another part of how he's so locked into being the caretaker, the protector, the Strong One, the wise one, etc etc etc that he Hates being in the reversed role. He's gone so long without it that now it's foreign and unpleasant to him. He feels weak & like a burden. But at the same time, going so long without being in the reversed role is unhealthy and he NEEDS to be the one taken care of or protected sometimes. Everyone does. It's a double-edged sword: be the caretaker, shoulder everything & suffer OR be the one taken care of, feel awful about it for one reason or another. He can't win. He hates the latter but he needs it occasionally just like anyone else. He prefers the former, but the toll it takes over time is extensive.

It's why he'll do little things in an attempt to remedy it. To avoid being full-on taken care of for once while also not Only doing the reverse. Watching the sunset with the kids, adventuring in new and exciting places, sparring with friends, etc. His escape is making vivid fond memories to look back on and smile about, even if they don't always fix his emotional state. At least he isn't fully neglecting himself.

[rowaelinsdaughter]

𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖎 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 (𝖗𝖍𝖞𝖘 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗)

Rhys fanfic is here!!!! ENJOY IT!!!! WARNINGS: FLUFF

15 minutes after arriving at your room, you were still locked in the bathroom. The reason? Rhysand, your secret love. The best athlete in the entire University, the best student, the most handsome, charismatic and kind to everyone. And he was on the other side of the door waiting for you to go to sleep, or so you think.

After 2 hours of traveling on the bus, your class had arrived at the town where you were going to spend the week. The rooms were chosen by lottery... to your bad (or good) luck you and Rhys got the only one-bed room. At that moment you didn't know if you wanted to die of shame or happiness at being with Rhys.

You splash water on your face and finish putting on your pajamas. You open the door and stand in place. Rhys sleeps without a shirt. Even though it was winter and 3 degrees, apparently his body gave off too much heat to be wearing a shirt.Shit, shit, shit.Lying on the bed, you look at his tattooed pecs and arms. Glasses make his already attractive face look like it was sculpted by the best sculptor. Rhys looks up from the book he's reading and watches you with a small smile.

“You're not thinking about sleeping standing up there, are you?”

You come out of your stupor, a crimson coloring your cheeks. You roll your eyes and with a courage that you don't know where you got it from, you smile back.

"Of course not"

You go to the bed and lie down at a respectable distance so as not to bother him... or so as not to die of a heart attack if you touch him. Already under the covers, you turn so that your back is turned to him and you look at the moon through the window.

“You can come closer to me, I'm not going to bite you.”

“I'm fine, don't worry”

"Sure?"

“Yes, good night Rhys.”

But you couldn't sleep. It was 3 in the morning and you were still awake. After tossing and turning, you finally decide to lie on your back, staring at the ceiling. You notice the bed move next to you and you hear Rhys's voice, nothing more than a whisper in the darkness.

"You can not sleep?"

You sigh and rub your eyes with your hands and then rest them on your stomach. “No, I can't sleep.”

"Me neither"

“I thought you fell asleep after reading.”

“No, the truth is that it has left me thinking”

“How deep was the book?”

A low laugh escapes his lips. “It was rather romantic.”

You turn to look at him and find his violet eyes already looking at you.

“I didn't take you for a romantic, Rhysand.”

He turns to face you.

“No, I wasn't romantic, but a girl made me change. A beautiful and smart girl, kind to everyone, and almost always has a dreamy look that makes her more magnificent. She has the most perfect laugh there can be, delicate hands like the wings of a swan, and her body drives me crazy every time I see it.” He reaches out and caresses your cheek. “She's perfect.”

Your heart stops. It can't be happening, he can't be talking about you. But that caress...

“She seems to be a good girl, doesn't she?” You swallow.

He moves closer to you, his thumb caressing your lower lip and your stomach explodes into thousands of butterflies. So many, that you think they will come out of your mouth if you open it. When only millimeters separate you, he whispers: “Yes it is. And I have it right where I want.”

His mouth caresses yours gently, not wanting to scare you. You slowly close your eyes and follow the kiss. With a hand trembling with nerves, you stroke the hair on his neck and marvel at the softness of his black hair. His hand pulls you around your waist and your arms hug his shoulders. The kiss is perfect, soft and delicate, unhurried, savoring the moment.

You separate and hide your face in his neck out of embarrassment, you hear his laughter and his hand caresses your hair gently while he places a kiss on your hair.

“You're adorable, I can't believe I have you all to myself.”

tags: @danikamariewrites @throneofsapphics @shadowdaddies

all rights reserved to ©rowaelinsdaughter. no tranlations allowed. no copy theme. don not copy my work.

[reddie-fangirl24]

“Are you wearing my shirt?” Richie asked when he returned to their chairs sitting by the ocean. Little kids ran around, playing in the sand or splashing in the water. Eddie was trying to duck out of the merriment by hiding under their umbrella.

As if he was surprised to see Richie, Eddie looked almost embarrassed, holding his boyfriend's shirt by the neck or close to his chest as best he could. “Oh, hey, you put sunscreen on pretty fast.”

“Only takes a minute,” Richie said, sitting down next to him.

“Did you do a double coating?”

“Jeez, Eds, I put on sunscreen! What’s the big deal!”

“Are you seriously asking me that? Do I have to share all the stats about how many people get skin cancer or skin-related diseases because of sunburns?”

“Okay, babe, chill! I get it,” Richie put an arm around his shoulder, noting how anxious Eddie was still. “We’re at the beach. It’s time to relax.”

Eddie calmed down some, but not enough. He barely ever went to the beach, in his adult years that is. The night before it took Richie a total of three hours to convince Eddie to spend that Saturday at the beach. Eddie agreed when Richie agreed on two things. One; he wouldn’t push him in the water. And two, Richie would take him to the new train museum in town. Fair enough.

“I’m surprised I’ve never had one of my gigs down here. Do you think if I tried to book one people would come?”

“Anybody would come to see you perform, Rich,” Eddie said to him, glancing over his shoulder when a couple walked by. Earlier, a group of girls recognized Richie and fangirled over him. That didn’t make Eddie too happy. His hand clasped tightly around the collar of his shirt, almost choking himself.

“Hmm, should we start planning one?” Richie asked. 

Eddie was too distracted, fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt. They put their chairs close to the water as far away from people crowding the beach. It was 90 degrees today. Richie never understood how people liked standing or sitting in hot sand. A little breeze came off the ocean.

That’s when an idea hit him. “Hey Eds, listen!”

“To your teeth hitting the sand if you call me that again?”

“Have I ever told you how much your hostility turns me on?” Richie leaned forward on the arm of his chair.

“Oh, fuck off!” Eddie half giggled.

Richie took his hand and stood up. Eddie slowly followed, a bit nervous, but hooked on Richie’s gorgeous eyes. Feeling the smooth skin of his hands made his heart beat like the drums. Taking him close to the edge of the water, Richie stopped close to the small rocks. 

“What are-”

“Sh, listen to this,” Richie instructed, subconsciously pulling his boyfriend a little closer. Not knowing if it was from the sun or the warmth of Richie's body, his heart fluttered. Nobody ever held him close like this. His mother was always so frantic, racing around and covering him with all the blankets she could find in the house, suffocating him. And Myra... let’s just say she wasn’t the definition of a cuddler.

Staying quiet, a small wave rippled in, hitting their ankles. Eddie flinched but he didn’t move away. As the water drifted away, it swept the rocks away with it. The pebbles rattled against one another, like music. That sound made Eddie feel... peaceful. It was rare for him to feel that way.

They listened to it again. This time the rocks made a different rhythm as they pelted against each other. Eddie listened closer to the water, the way its rapids evaporated, running back to its home. Funny, Edde hadn’t noticed that since the days they’d swim in the quarry. Had his anxiety really caused him to avoid swimming - something that he once enjoyed?

“What do you think?” Richie asked softly, something very out of character for him. His hand moved down to hug Eddie’s waist. His entire body relaxed. That was good. Before Pennywise... hurt him, Richie barely touched Eddie let alone stand right next to him - leaving space. Now, he couldn’t keep his hands off him.

“It’s beautiful, Richie,” Eddie answered, leaning his head against Richie’s shoulder. The rest of the people on the beach disappeared. Only he and Richie existed.

“Thought you might. I’ve been waiting to share this with someone.”

“How long have you been coming here?”

“Since I came to L.A. when I was 18.”

“Wow, you’ve been on your own for a long time,” Eddie said to him. When he thought about it, he’d never been on his own. His mother remained glued to him after he graduated high school. When he found out that she had cancer, Eddie was overcome with so much emotion that independency scared him. Now that he thought about it, he tried to spend more time with himself. Eddie spent a lot of time at the gym or running when he was with Myra. 

“Glad I have someone to share it with now,” Richie kissed his forehead. 

Eddie hugged Richie around his waist a little tighter, enjoying the sound of the ocean. “Hey, I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

Unbuttoning his shirt and stripping out of it revealing the long red scar indent, Eddie stood boldly on the beach. Nobody turned to look at him. “ Let’s go for a swim.”

[mommalosthermind]

Get to know me tag game!

tagged by @hawkstincan and I just saw it so oops

Do you make your bed? Mostly, yes. Defensive bed sheets mean I am significantly less likely to have to deal with legos, pencils, crumbs or whatever other random shit The Youngest Monster had in hand while hiding in my room.

Favorite number? uhhh. I don’t really have one? I tend to pick either 13 or 14 for number things bc 13 made people mad as a kid and it was funny, and 14 is part of my birthday.

What’s your job? parent. Using the educational degree to be backup teacher for my three monsters.

if you could go back to school, would you? I mean. The funny thing about school is there’s a lot of shit I want to learn and very little of it is taught in a typical classroom. I still wish we’d lived in an area with a proper vocational school while I was in high school ngl. Anyway things like carpentry and sewing should still be in schools and i want to collect trades like Pokémon.

Can you parallel park? probably not? I have literally never bothered to try after getting the damn license.

Do you think aliens are real? I think it’s arrogant to assume humans are the only ‘intelligent’ anything, even on earth. But realistically, it’s entirely possible the universe is too young to have a lot of life floating around in it. Little green men that made the pyramids and steal cows, though? That’s… silly.

Can you drive a manual? No. I have been in exactly two cars with stick shift, and I would really like to be in none of them ever again. That’s mostly due to the driver being a twat, but like. No. I’m good.

What’s your guilty pleasure? Mmm that’s an interesting one since ‘guilty pleasure’ usually just means ‘this is something that I try to hide’ and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to uncouple my embarrassment with existing from y'know. Existing. So. Probably the thing I get a kick out of that makes me go “i should maybe not enjoy this so much” is listening in on gossip or drama that’s Not Mine ngl. Tell me aaaall about how your auntie X started a fight. If it’s not my family, it’s just story time.

tattoos? Four! I’ve got a mandala-inspired piece on the left arm, a tiger lily +dog tags on my right shoulder, a blue rose + witch’s claw on the left leg, and an anklet that looks like leather with a heart pendant on the right leg. If I had spending money I would have… so many more. So many. My partner thinks it’s funny that I accidentally split things up so the left half is in color and the right side is black and white.

Favorite color? Black, silver, blue, green….

Favorite type of music? The kind that doesn’t annoy me? I tend toward the rock spectrum, unless I’ve got instrumental on. The kids are all into nightcore so there’s a hilarious amount of that in my brain at any given time. They did not enjoy when I made them listen to Dune’s Can’t Stop Raving. Rude.

Do you like puzzles? Putting together a picture? I’m going to sort the pieces into inside vs outside and maybe even color and then get very bored very quickly and wander off. Riddles? I’m going to feel like an idiot and wander off. Numbers? I have spaced out before even completing the question.

Any phobias? Oh that’s a hell of a question. Spiders. I have worked very hard to get to a point where I am mostly nonchalant about it but. Haaa not a fan. I have woken up to Big Fucking Spider In The Bed or On The Window too many times.

Favorite childhood sport? I was forced into a couple different sports as a kid and I did not enjoy any of them really. I was, and remain, the person who’s got five books and even more notebooks in a bag and I am sitting under a tree and ignoring everyone else. I did not do well in any form of a team-setting. Literally ever. I think the one that bothered me the least was track, and that’s because it felt like I could turn off my entire brain and just move from point A to point B and then be done.

Do you talk to yourself? Constantly. It’s almost never complete thoughts though, it’s a bunch of disjointed outbursts that probably make me sound bonkers bc half of the conversation I’m having with myself is in my head. Complete with hand movements.

What movies do you adore? I don’t really watching things these days? So probably things I liked as a kid, like the labyrinth or the goonies or the dark crystal. There’s a theme there, don’t worry about it.

Coffee or tea? Tea. The only time I’ve managed coffee is when it’s vaguely coffee flavored milk and sugar lmao. Or chocolate coffee ice cream.

First thing you wanted to be growing up? you know, I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard to answer objectively innocent questions in a way that won’t make people uncomfortable? but I don’t have an answer to this. So. I wanted to be somewhere else. I wanted to be someone else. Things like dreaming about jobs and being an adult were not things I had the space to do.

I’m not going to tag anyone specifically today, but if you join in please feel free to and @ me so I can see! <3

[flymmsy]

For Gortash and Lyra: 5, 8, 44, 49

Some really good ones here! I'll keep accepting these on a rolling basis if anyone wants to jump in my inbox - ask list here.

→ Gortash

5. What’s the worst sex they’ve ever had? It’s hard not to say Lady Jannath - just because it would be worse than bad, it would be boring. I’m the first one in line to make Gortash love the older ladies, but specifically Wisteria gives me big ‘bad missionary rocks my world’ vibes.

8. Have they ever been caught having? (lol this was definitely meant to say having sex.) Yes yes yes. Actually, a lot. Sometimes it’s purposeful (being caught in a ‘compromising’ position can be an advantage - it disarms the other person, or brings to light jealousies), but he’s also had the occasional accidental interruption. I think the true accidents of being caught were more during his Arms Dealer phase, and the purposeful use of it came when he entered the political realm.

Also - with Durge specifically, there’s a whole lot going on there. I wrote a short headcanon post on this that I intend to expand on later - but Durge loves watching him fuck others. They’ll sneak onto his balcony to watch while touching themselves. And while Gortash doesn’t always know he’s been ‘caught’, he would also get off on the idea of Durge watching. Really big “our sexual tension is too high so I’m going to fuck you through another person” energy.

44. Do they consider themself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither? I’m a switch Gortash truther. Gortash would always /say/ he’s more dominant (to keep up tyrannical appearances), but with the right partner, he’d love giving up control. He’s very good at being dominant, but being submissive allows him to actually relax more.

49. Do they have any kinks that they’re ashamed of? I think, building off of the previous question, anything that puts him in a more submissive role he feels a degree of shame about. That’s only because he’s built up in his head that he has to be dominating, but underneath that just isn’t entirely who he is. This ranges from mild kinks like being tied up into more quirky kinks - I don’t mean to sound like a broken record here but going back to the mommy kink, I think it’s something he’d be embarrassed about because it’s clearly rooted in an emotional need of his. His shame is definitely proportionate to how much the kink reveals about his emotional needs.

→ Lyra (under the cut)

5. What’s the worst sex they’ve ever had? Okay hilariously, it is with Gortash - deep into their relationship, when they have a degree of comfortability. I like the idea of Gortash bringing her to parties in some way or another - in his head it’s always been an attempt to warm her up to society for when she is Archduchess. He likes that his murderous demon isn’t part of society, but he wants her to see how it operates. Lyra on the other hand would never admit that she actually does just enjoy the parties to an extent.

So I absolutely see them at a party one night spending the entire evening getting all worked up and Gortash making all these promises to tear her clothes off but then when the evening is over he delivers like two thrusts and passes out. Lyra is furious but then also gets really worked up about how stupidly vulnerable and unguarded he’s being and how she could slit his throat too easily and then has a whole menty b about it. In the end, it’s not the worst sex because it was so embarrassingly bad, it’s the worst sex because of the degree of crisis she has about it. She’s devastatingly protective over him.

8. Have they ever been caught having sex? She has sex on display as part of rituals a lot, but hasn’t ever really been caught necessarily. There has definitely been at least ONE time where Gortash watched her take a victim before killing them, but it was definitely all very purposeful.

I mean unless you count getting caught by Sceleritas and scolded for taking some Banite dick….then yes, she has. But hilariously, she wouldn’t count Sceleritas. Pre-tadpole, Sceleritas feels like an extension of herself in many ways. Gortash is definitely unnerved by it.

44. Do they consider themself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither? With anyone except for Gortash, she doesn’t even think in these terms. From an outside perspective, she’d seem dominant, but sex is so wrapped up in murder for her that it’s not really dominant in the way this means. When she’s with Gortash, it reveals her true nature - switch switch switch. This is definitely a projection onto her but I just think it’s the best of both worlds, and it’s also why Lyra and Enver are really good for each other. They can both step into those roles and fulfill each other’s needs. Sometimes Lyra NEEDS to be in charge in order to even engage in the act - but sometimes she NEEDS to let go.

49. Do they have any kinks that they’re ashamed of? Vanilla sex. Lmao how could I not say that. So long as any sort of roughness is involved she can shrug it off. But vanilla, passionate sex? Shame, shame, shame. Gortash was the only one who ever got her to fuck that way and it ruined her.

[ohtobearandomftblog]

been thinking about this but how do you think rogue would confess to the person he has a crush on? i feel like he would probably get awkward and beat around the bush but also be such a soft! boy (confusing shit tbh)

oh hes absolutely gonna be awkward but to the point where he wouldnt say anything. it goes for all the slayers, really. awkward to the point of silence.

like what are they gonna say that wouldnt be creepy to a regular person??? 'the scent of your body wash clashes with your shampoo so much it made me spend most of my time with you smelling the air but i never hugged you to check' 'the little bit of sauce in the corner of your lips that one day tasted like the exact same one i like and no we didnt kiss' 'that jacket you wore once on a rainy day two months ago felt really nice and i bought one for me so we can match and be comfy together and im sad you havent worn it since no we didnt hug we didnt even talk that day' 'the way your heart beats louder and quicker when you talk about something you love and how it slows yet thrums when you talk about something you hate and how it calms yet stays strong when youre comfortable was incredibly helpful in remembering what you love and hate and no i dont remember you telling me about this specific fact because i was too busy hearing your heart soar please tell it to me again for the eighth time'

like he likes how your face shines in the moonlight bleeding past the window curtain when you sleep. he likes how your teeth crunch through apples or pears or chips/crisps or bone. he likes how soft some parts of your skin are compared to the scratchy and more calloused parts. he likes how your voice bounces around the guildhall of whatever guild youre in, and how your laughter seems to fill the space to a nearly uncomfortable degree. he likes the color of your earrings or necklace or bracelets or rings or bags or eyes or hair or nails. he never looks for these near you, for he probably wont be able to see or feel or hear or smell or taste anything of you. but the shadows speak of wonders he can only truly imagine, and he loves it.

they would never tell a mage/non-mage about the crush because theyd look all confused and weirded out because you dont just taste sauce on the corner of someones lips without kissing them what the fuck are you on about??? only once they have an s/o that doesnt mind their more nonhuman ways of liking someone will they talk to about it. they will of course tell each other and gush and praise and be embarrassing and a bit annoying and since theyre all fucking dorks they would Absolutely tell someone's crush about the crush. in front of the slayer.

like assuming rogue's crush was a sabertooth member or from a guild nearby then after like three months of dealing with rogue's shenanigans hed drag him to his crush, sit them both down, crouch in front of the crush, say rogue liked them as way more than a friend have you seen the fuckign hatchling eyes he makes at you every single time you look in his direction or even turn away like his eyes Suck and yet he knows where you are at all times thats some fuckin dedication, then just walk away so he can still hear whats being said which yknow isnt that far and rogue's so embarrassed bc not only was he just Outed but sting doesnt even have the decency to leave entirely they can still clearly see him you PRICK

if his crush was on a fairy tail member or a guild close by then wendy would try to keep everyone in check so they wouldnt completely out him to anyone related to his crush but. the boys can be smart sometimes. so laxus natsu and gajeel would leave """"subtle"""" hints to the crush ('oh you want to go shopping? i heard rogue knows a good store for that why dont you go ask him im not good with that kinda thing' 'oh you want some food? rogue knows a good place im not good with food' 'hey have you spoken to rogue recently he misses talkin to you keeps harpin on about how your voice soothes him better than rain'). until laxus or erik get sick of his shit, sit him and the crush down, and walk away until rogue can only know theyre there without seeing them but knows for a fact theyre glaring at him waiting for him to stumble through a confession or risk Big Brother Confrontation

if rogue was made to confess like that hed really be stumbling. hed slip somewhat into the shadows, realize nearly immediately because hes so focused on anything other than you in the moment, then try and yank himself out of them because hes so embarrassed and scared hed tried to fuse fully with them. hed think hed need evidence and reasons why he liked you and would say things that a normal person would like and slowly spill into the more slayer reasons without realizing it because gosh he cant help but praise your very being for simply existing. hed spend hours going on about you if he could but then he becomes hyperaware again because his shadows had started to creep up you physically and oh no hes just embarrassing himself again he doesnt even know if you like him and hes already ruining his chance and he spent all this time talking and didnt even let you get a word in maybe youre creeped out maybe youre angry maybe youre scared because how does he know all of this was he stalking you and no he swears he would never the shadows speak to him and he cannot be deaf to them for they are one but he himself would never and oh. oh. you were smiling. your mouth was full of shadows and the shadows are telling him youre smiling even though his eyes are full of tears. his shadow would linger on your body and seep through your clothes onto your skin and he would try not to be distracted by how it tells him about all the textures and dips and any curves it could have because now is not the time and he doesnt even know if your smile is pity or relief or something else, even.

if his crush reciprocates, then great! you get six slayers who will follow your every move and make sure you dont make rogue feel bad without reason and they Will glare daggers at you when nearby so rogue cant tell. if his crush denies,,,, well then you have six slayers ready to kick your fucking ass because hes so precious what the fuck do you mean??? give a good damn reason or save them from carrying you and just go to the infirmary yourself

[titoist]

in ~early-mid 2022, i received an ask from an anonymous messenger that i don't have the soul to go back & dig up. it's main message, the sort of theoretical thread connecting sentence to sentence, was essentially that - no matter how pained & self-contorting my writing might be - there is also a deep truth pervading through it in much the same way that sunlight might peek through cracks in the concrete. so, i should keep writing. i am essentially paraphrasing - the way this was all delivered was, of course, much more comprehensive. i vaguely remember it being sort of perceptibly run-on, or 'excited', loose, like the writer was functioning on either too much or too little energy.

this post is a kind of open letter to that anon, though i sincerely doubt they are still interested in me, as a way to soothe my own moral conscience. i have reached a point where i think, be it passively or actively, about them every so often. iif you are not that anon, i don't really mind whether you skip by disinterestedly or continue on;

hi. we talked only briefly, if one could even consider it a talk, i want to say... last july? it was pretty one-sided, really. you said something, i gave a response. but even that little microscopic interaction between two people reflected enough humanity for me to remember it in comparison to the wide array of normalized inhumanities. your message to me was very emotionally loaded in a way that i, be it shockingly or not, was not really equipped to process. or, did not want to process it? i spent some time mulling over & came up with a response that, i think, was actively missing the point. i remember, in the moment, finding it a bit harsh but genuinely feeling an absence of other possible things that i could think of & then write out. there was an absence in my mind of how to respond to admiration. for example, you sort of offhandedly, at the end somewhere i think, said that i should continue writing, perhaps a book or something like that, because you felt that i would "come to define generations". that felt uncomfortable. i couldn't confront it as anything other than what it seemed to be. why place that expectation onto me? it felt unduly deifying. etc. i didn't realize that it was never about the books, or the offhanded line that it would define generations; it was about the personal truth there

my entire response was filled with these little technocratic, inhuman nitpickings: "why the expectation that i should write a *book*, of all things?" - embarrassing! deeply... there are many anon asks that i spend my time thinking about, or hold as deeply important to my internal world. the flurry of crush anons that i received one night in spring of 2022 is one such occasion, or the anonymous person who told me that they wished more people were as honest about their personhood as i am (more-or-less). i can tell already that the one i received yesterday will grow to be equally important, somewhere down the line, when i am starved of further interaction. anonymous affection is always important to me, because it is anonymous. it's an ideal my brain uses as a substitute & always has - the flurry of crush anons, for example, is important because it was crush anons. it was world-rending, feeling it to that degree. or, it's why i become so inconsolable upon seeing that my writings might not have been received with some arbitrary interactions online, like accidentally revealing a chip in my armor & being unceremoniously blasted. your message has been a fixture for some time.

there's a specific phrase that you used, i think it was like... - "but there's a truth there." it is one of the idle phrases that i repeat under my breath when i am alone. a kind of rapid, nervous self-talk, like a child attempting to console itself.

i hope that, for what it's worth, this message displays some of the gratitude i lacked then - even if you don't see it. thank you. love you

[meimi-haneoka]

I was just craaaaaaazy when Sakura said "la personne la plus chère à mon cœur" in front of everyone! I was so excited to see syaoran's face on the following page (all red and shy maybe 🤗 and bam! No syaoran 😆)

I still feel that the French and Spanish version have a deeper meaning (even the Portuguese one) compared to "favorite person" in English. What about the Japanese version?

Thanks

XOXO

Sorry for the delay, anon!

That was really a powerful scene, wasn't it? And I guess I can understand your "disappointment" with not seeing Syaoran's reaction, but -sorry to say it, I'm a SyaoSaku fan too but ever since my preferences re-balanced somewhere else I also have been more grounded about it- that wasn't *really* the focus of that scene.... The scene was all centered on Sakura and her wish to help her "sister". And that she was going to put everything she could on the table, even a joined effort with her own most important person (whom we know would follow her anywhere. Especially cause he'd feel more at ease that way, being by her side and being able to protect her when needed).

Besides, even if they showed us his reaction, it would've been pretty much as serious as the one we can see in the previous page. Because when things are serious, dramatic, there's no room for blushing or embarrassment. Syaoran won't be a blushing mess forever and those two REALLY came a long way from the period when Clear Card started....the absence of the blushing from both of them just goes to show how comfortable and secure they feel in their love now. There's no need to be embarrassed, no need to hide, no need to search for the right words to define their relationship....everything just feels natural and Sakura, fired up by the mission she just embarked on, knew her "family" would've received ad accepted her words.

Also allow me this but, if CLAMP inserted a half-comical scene with Syaoran being a blushing mess for what Sakura said (blushing scenes cause some degree of comedy, in a way), it would've been completely out of place. Someone just connected all the dots and found out that the pain she used to feel and her constant instinct to look for someone was because her most important person rewrote their reality and got deleted from it. Got deleted from her memories too, leaving her with an immense void. Not only that, but she also found out that the family she thought she belonged to isn't really her biological family. Akiho's certainties, her entire world is literally crumbling under her feet and Sakura spends her time reassuring her because she knows how she must be feeling, there's no room for comedy....

For the question about the terminology, I guess I ended up answering it in my own tumblr post... The Japanese original version used the super famous "my most important person" and I think it's *very clear* what Sakura means with this one. "Favorite person" is close but not the same, and I guess the French and Spanish ver. might get closer, too bad that they failed in another very important aspect of that sentence, which was to maintain the same terminology even when talking about Akiho's side, to convey that Sakura was aware that the level of importance of this mysterious person is the same that Syaoran got for her. The JP used the same term, and those languages should've done the same...😅

[halfassedfangirling]

So tonight I had to say goodbye to my dream wedding. I've known for the last few weeks, honestly, when we did the math for the catering and the venue. That was already a lot of money. Can't have a smaller guest list or people will be offended (and by people I mean my mother-in-law). And if catering and venue should make up half the budget, then we're looking at 30k. I don't have a degree (yet). I don't have a career. Right now I'm staying at home with our child. Even if my fiancé is earning well now, that's just him. I can't contribute anything. My parents can't contribute anything and I'd be embarrassed to ask. They've already told me that I'm their most expensive child. The last time we fought, I was determined to pay them back, at least all the money they had put into me in recent years and then I felt really down because how could I get 5k together? My grandmother might be able to contribute, but I'd kill myself before I asked her for money for something as frivolous as a wedding. She has already given me so much. My fiancé's mother had always loudly declared that they would pay for our wedding, which I felt odd about, because she's not that educated and doesn't make that much money (working jobs that you don't need a degree or apprenticeship for, which I'm not knocking because I don't have a degree or apprenticeship either) and once other people are paying for your wedding, it's no longer your wedding, but theirs.

But we sat down tonight with his parents to look at the guest list and the catering/venue budget and crunch the numbers. Watching my fiancé and his father argue made me not want to have a wedding at all.

So the venue I dreamed of (a palace, but they are a dime a dozen in Germany) is out of the question. So is probably any other palace. And they're saying, "Oh, but you could still have a nice wedding." Where? In a barn? In a village hall with the gymnasium flooring? Sorry to be a bitch about it, but that's not what I want. I dreamed of an elegant, romantic, admittedly expensive wedding reception in a palace ballroom. I dreamed of being a princess for a day. "But the atmosphere is so much better when people are relaxed. What's the point of a pretty backdrop if it's sterile? People won't be able to let loose in a hoity-toity environment like that." Well, if that's the case, why don't we celebrate our wedding reception in a McDonald's? That's not hoity-toity at all.

If I have to make big compromises like that for my wedding, then I'd rather not have one. Let's put the money towards property, a house. I would be fine with spending a lot of money on one day, if I got the party I wanted. The venue, the menu, the stationery, the dress, the flowers... I would be a bit disappointed, but fine with just doing a courthouse ceremony and saving money for something we would have more of than a fancy party. But to compromise? Never. Unfortunately, I'm not marrying myself. And my fiancé still wants a wedding. Church service, wedding reception. He thinks it's not bad if his friends can "let loose" more. Yes, let's just have a boozefest, shall we? I don't want to settle on a wedding I don't like. I don't want a rustic wedding in a barn. I can't say that I really don't care anymore and that my fiancé should plan everything and leave me out of the planning entirely because I am totally disinterested, or he'll be upset. I KNOW the marriage is more important than the wedding. I know it's his wedding, too. I despise the idea of spending a lot of money, not as much, but still a lot, on a wedding that's not my style. That's the farthest thing from what I've been dreaming about. I tried to hype myself up for it. I told him, "It's OK, people still have beautiful budget weddings. Beautiful rustic weddings, beautiful industrial weddings, beautiful garden weddings..." But I'm not interested in those types of weddings. I tried to go on Pinterest and get inspired by different, less expensive style weddings, but I guess it's too soon. It just made me feel bitter and enraged.

I know I'm being superficial and bitchy. But it's hard to let go of a dream that I'd been dreaming so long. And people will say that I'm pouting, but I am a sort of all-or-nothing person. Not great at compromise, I guess. Maybe it's because it's not much of a compromise? A compromise would mean I get some of what I want. But the dress I picture in my head... wouldn't that look silly in a barn? The flowers and decor, wouldn't those clash with the gymnasium flooring of a village hall? Shouldn't things match and vibe together? You can't put a sow in a dress, and you can't have an elegant, princess-style wedding in a location like what my in-laws suggested. I know I'm being terrible. But if my wedding can't be as I'd like it I'd rather not have one. I'd rather not have a wedding than have a wedding I'm not into.

Does that make sense? Someone tell me I'm making sense. Someone tell me the bolded sentence doesn't make me a bitchy would-be bridezilla.

I don't know how I'm going to shift my tastes and mindset. My fiancé is a wonderful, lovely person and an amazing father to our child and a thoughtful, considerate partner who has gone through so much with me. He's put up with so much of my shit. I will have to find a way to grin and bear it and seem interested and engaged. If he wants a wedding, he should get a wedding. And that means I'll have to be by his side and convince him that I'm having a good time. It'd be unfair to him to pout and sulk. Even though that's all I feel like doing.

I deleted my 'Wedding' Pinterest board. I felt like that was the first step. My plan is to not look at anything wedding related and then piggyback off of whatever my fiancé comes up with. Don't know how to not get my hopes up or fall in love with something too expensive otherwise.

[11919815125]

3/27/24

in regards to the phone call about the future/my ambitions

i think the reason it strikes a nerve when you bring stuff like that up is because like. my entire self-worth is built on choosing to accept my shortcomings rather than fight them or feel shame about them. when you're upset that i "don't care" it's because it was a choice that i had to make in order to cope and survive. when i was 24 years old, i was living with my parents, unemployed for almost a year and a half, no intent to use the degree that i went thousands of dollars into debt for, smoking weed every day, barely even leaving my bedroom, no goals or ambitions. i was a fucking loser. i couldn't look my parents in the eye because i saw disappointment looking back at me. i cut off almost all of my friends because i didn't want them to see me like that. the embarrassment of it all nearly drove me to suicide.

i had to decide that it was okay. that i didn't need to be successful in the ways other people define it, that i didn't need a career, that i didn't need to make my parents proud, that i didn't have to be special, that i didn't need people to like me, that i didn't have to achieve my dreams. i just needed to survive and try my best to be happy; anything beyond that is just a bonus.

it's not that the things you're asking me for are unfair, but they pop that bubble. they knock down the jenga tower i've stacked up so carefully. caring so much about those pressures and goals and ambitions genuinely ruined my life and almost ended it, and now you're asking me to make them a priority again, and suggesting that if i don't it's because i don't care enough about you or that i don't care about myself.

i feel that i am successful!!!!! with my worthless degree and my shitty kitchen job and everything i have going on now!!!!! this is not failure to me! i am so unbelievably proud of myself! i am paying my bills, living independently, working full time, doing my best to maintain the relationships i have, traveling when i can, cooking delicious meals and trying new foods, going out and making memories on the weekends, spending so many of my days with you. that's a life that's worth celebrating and i really hate that you seem to see it as the bare minimum. of course i can do better, i can invest more into the things that matter to me.......i just don't know if those are the things that matter to you.

saying that "a career is not a priority to me" is really the polite way of saying, "i do not want a career, and if i can find a way to keep living my life without having to do that, i absolutely will." you dedicate years of your life building marketable skills, going to school, interning, networking, busting your ass and stressing yourself out to get...what? your life looks exactly the same with a little more cash in the bank and a few more rooms in your apartment. it's so cliche but i really really don't care about the "rat race." i don't feel the impulse to keep up with other people, i don't value most of the things that you gain from playing the game, and i definitely don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about how i choose to live my life.

i value freedom, autonomy, authenticity, and honesty above anything else. i value working as little as possible while still being comfortable and happy, and maximizing the time that is mine and mine alone. i value the people that love and embrace me and being able to share this life with them. i value experiences over anything material; nice houses and fancy dinners and expensive clothes and flashy gifts mean absolutely nothing to me. i want to go bungee jumping, i want to see the northern lights, i want to visit every country in the world, i want to cover my body in tattoos and sleep under the stars and get married to somebody i love and learn to play guitar and create beautiful things with my bare hands and hope that one day i wake up and see my life as a beautiful thing too.

and you wanna ask me about a fuckin job lol

[spoocys-glade-of-dreams]

*When Ellie began mentioning all the times Rayman would react around her. Rayman's face immediately turned bright red again. His eyes were huge in shock. He began trying to speak, but only a mess of stammers came out when he tries to explain himself. Hiding his face in his hands again and shuddering a little once more.

*Though when Ellie began asking why, Rayman moved the hands from his face. He just stared at Ellie pitifully before he turned his attention to his hands, tapping his fingers together anxiously.*

"It's not very often that humans come to my aid that aren't officials of Eden. Not only did you save my life when I was attacked at the club, you took time out of your day to listen to my plight and were willing to help me save Mona. I knew you were a woman of great courage and kindness. As we began to spend more time together I began growing fonder of you every day. Your kindness, bravery, selflessness. I loved listening to your backstory and your personal interests.

I have been around the dating scene before. Most of those high profile celebrities you think I should be with? They only cared about my fame, popularity, and my money. They didn't care for me as a person. I was just some trophy husband to them, or they wanted to be with me because Eden would offer them protection. I get used quite often and that almost made me close myself off to relationships entirely. Mona, Murfy, and Floyd are the only friends that had my full trust. It's not very common for me to open up to folks so quickly like I did for you. I really did fall hard. The entire household knows I have a crush on you. Murfy and Floyd tease me relentlessly about it. Mona does tease but not to the degree as Floyd and Murfy do. They are never mean about it, but it can be a bit grating especially when you are with me when they do it.

I have my vices, some of them are a little extreme. There is much you don't see when I'm on camera. So many people think I can have whatever I want because I'm rich and famous. You know what I always wanted for all these years? Someone I can have a heartfelt conversation with. Someone I can be unafraid to tell it how it is. I'm not just some big celebrity. I'm not just the voice of Eden. I'm not some filthy alien freak. I'm just a person. A person that has been wanting true companionship for so long. I look different than everyone else, and that causes so many people to forget that I have feelings and emotions too.

I could tell you were nervous about me when we first met. I've had to learn to pick up the body language and the expressions of people to get a good idea of their intent. Yet despite that, You were still willing to talk to me. There is just... So much I admire about you, Rose."

*Rayman turns his face away from her. He couldn't bear to look at her. He felt so ashamed and embarrassed. His mind began to spiral with worry. He was convinced that this was going to be it. Ellie would either laugh at him like so many others he's confessed to, or she would just leave the townhouse. He's seen it happen so often that he's convinced this will be the result now.*

@spoocys-glade-of-dreams

Ellie's eyes lit up when Rayman offered to let her play his saxophone. She thought she would just be watching this whole time, so she was more than happy to jump in and play the saxophone. It wasn't everyday that the woman got to play the saxophone with other musically talented people, so it felt really nice not having to just play solo for a change. The feeling of playing together as a group was so much fun!

Oh? Rayman wanted talked to her in private? Wonder what this could be about...Once he had smiled, there was nothing for her to worry about. He was basically thanking her for all she had done for them. The limbless also hoped that Hoyt would back off once and for all. While the ginger wouldn't admit this to him, but judging by his laughter at the end, she only hoped that it wasn't foreshadowing for what was to come. That they could all put this Hoyt business behind them and just move on.

"When you mention being fond of my company, is this related to all of the times that your face would turn red around me? There was also that one time on New Years when you referred to me as my dear." Sure there was that other time when he referred to her as my lady, but that was most likely just friendly teasing.

"If it is what I think it is...out of everyone in Eden why choose me? Your the Voice of Eden, you could pretty much pick whomever you wanted, like some high profile celebrity." Blush would soon appear on her cheeks.

[boneempress]

Have some indulgent griddlehark-adjacent analysis re: Harrow and the body below the cut if you wish!

Note that this is just my interpretation based on my reading(s) of GtN/HtN and the fact that the narration, while not trying to directly deceive the reader by lying to them in the traditional way, is often unreliable in the sense that it reports things as our perspective characters perceive them rather than how they actually are; such as, Gideon thinking of herself as disobedient in spite of her obediently keeping a vow of silence for half an entire book. So I don’t quite believe the book when it says that she fell in love with the body in the tomb (during a chapter where Gideon was “erased,” notably) and I especially don’t trust Gideon’s fervent belief that Harrow is in love with tomb girl based on their exactly one conversation about it. But, onward.

Chapter 3 of HTN alludes to at least two separate occasions when Harrow tries to get into the tomb, when she is feeling suicidal enough for it to seem reasonable; the first time, after a particularly bad fight with Gideon (who else on the Ninth would she get bloody fists from fighting with? or would leave her with a bruised heart thinking that “everyone” [who mattered] hated her?):

This longer process is consistent with her description in the pool scene in GTN of having spent a year trying to walk six steps inside:

The second (and more important) time she gets into the tomb is when she actually makes it all the way in and sees the body of Alecto lying there. This is what she tells John about, which he doesn't believe, because he put unbreakable blood wards on the tomb which can only be bypassed with his own blood - or, as we learn later, Gideon Nav's. This is the time that Gideon knows about and tells Palamedes about in GTN.

"Gideon had been witness to that fact" - in fact, Gideon's fight with Harrow when Harrow was ten and Gideon was eleven, was also the reason why Harrow tried to break into the tomb the second time as well as why she was able to do so (again, with Gideon's blood on her fingers!). “Was that the day you decided you wanted to die?”

What's the point? Well, both times Harrow tried to enter the tomb were after particularly bad, distinctly hurtful fights with Gideon, the one living human being on the Ninth who isn’t a constant source of trauma for her. (”They were the only two children in a House that was otherwise busy getting gangrene.”) As we know from the pool scene she immediately becomes obsessed with the body lying there as soon as she sees it. When her knowledge of Gideon is suppressed - so that she literally can’t think directly about her lest she grievously injure herself - she has visions of The Body in which it, of course, has newly yellow eyes, and is a source of comfort and familiarity for her throughout, and is the object of her sexual fantasies. After she regains her memories of Gideon it is eventually directly implied in this small but crucial bit from Act 5 of HTN - here I’ll emphasize that this is the only time Harrow thinks about tomb girl at all as she is about to die, out of the whole of Act 5 - that she associates the body in the tomb, pointedly, with Gideon:

Of course, Priamhark and Pelleamena’s suicides immediately after she makes it all the way into the tomb cause an incredible amount of trauma for Harrow and drive a huge wedge between her and Gideon; having grown up on the Ninth, she’s presumably never acquired any remotely healthy ways of processing any of this, so she doesn’t. But Gideon and Harrow remain the most important people to each other - “Nonagesimus, you hating me always meant more than anyone else in this hot and stupid universe loving me.” I would posit that perhaps Harrow never really actually hated Gideon so much as wildly misinterpreted Gideon’s meaning to her / their meaning to each other, and vice versa for Gideon (Gideon’s endless capacity for denial is another post for another day) and that until they arrived at Canaan House and were forced to work together and to help and protect each other - all things they fall into imperfectly but pretty immediately as if they just needed a push - they had no positive outlets or, certainly, healthy models for it.

Finally, one last allusion to her end:

It had bewildered her, back at Canaan House, how the whole of her always seemed to come back to Gideon. For one brief and beautiful space of time, she had welcomed it: that microcosm of eternity between forgiveness and the slow, uncomprehending agony of the fall. Gideon rolling up her shirt sleeves. Gideon dappled in shadow, breaking promises. One idiot with a sword and an asymmetrical smile had proved to be Harrow’s end: her apocalypse swifter than the death of the Emperor and the sun with him.

The whole of her, always. Gideon, the last three syllables out of her mouth as she lay dying.

tl;dr: Harrow was maybe never really in love with a chilly weirdo in a coffin, but (subconsciously) used tomb girl as a way to project and deal with her feelings for Gideon :)