#i sound like an awful person don’t I?? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

skyland2703 · 2 years ago

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Horrible questions : 03, 13 , 25, 36

03: Do you regret anything?

…honestly, no. Don’t regret anything, anyone. I’m sorry some things happened, but they were for the best, so I don’t regret them.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

My ‘hate’ radar is really strong tbh.. lots of people I despise. But the strongest word, hate, is reserved for one person.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

No. Honestly, no. I don’t miss anyone. If I left you, there’s a reason for that. If you left me, then you have your reasons for that. If you’re not in my life, I’m most probably not even thinking about you.

I do wanna meet that one person I hate tho, and see where he is. I don’t miss him, I’m just curious

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

No. I don’t believe in second chances.

I do love this song tho:

#ineedsomesleeptoday #THANKS FOR THE ASK THO!!!!!!!!!!#i sound like an awful person don’t I??#:(#I’m sorry i do that sometimes #I know I toss around words like hate/love etc very often but in truth I love one person and I hate one person and that’s literally it.#Those two people are the two ends of my spectrum of my universe. That’s it. That’s all.

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fishing-lesbian-catgirl · 6 months ago

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I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”

#it’s soooooo easy #‘hey that thing you said was kind of insensitive’ -> feel awful and apologize immediately ->#try to explain that I’m a flawed human being in hopes that they don’t hate me as much -> realize I’m using it as an excuse -> feel worse ->#want to explain that I feel bad in hopes that it makes my apology sound genuine -> realize if I do I’m starting a pity party ->#Devil on my shoulder says that I SHOULD start a pity party bc then people have to console me even though I’m the one who fucked up ->#realize that if the devil on my shoulder thinks that that some part of me must think that. thinking that is kind of terrible ->#feel like I’m terrible -> start crying -> realize that crying will turn it into a pity party anyway ->#realize that I don’t want to feel like I’m terrible. that I do actually want people to console me -> realize I don’t deserve it ->#admit that I am truly horrible for trying to turn my fuck up into a way to make people comfort me ->#post about it on tumblr to vent (?) -> realize now I’m starting a pity party in front of almost 8k people ->#realize that makes me even worse. -> break down in tears feeling sorry for myself when. again. IM the one who fucked up #repeat at and slight inconvenience or mistake. feel like a piece of shit forever :)#it’s a flawless system. if someone sees me struggling and tries to console me I can redirect that to confirm that I’m a horrible person #try and tell myself that I’m spiraling bc of mental illness -> that’s an excuse ->#excuse = horrible person bc I’m not willing to own up to my mistakes -> return to spiral

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ciderjacks · 2 months ago

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therapy

#personal #vent #comic #im fine rn btw im just reflecting #Working thru all my issues alone is starting to feel like a larger task than its worth though #I was able to largely deal w one big trauma recently after 4 years and I was rly proud of myself for that bc I did it alone #So Like I’m not even saying I can’t work thru my issues by myself #But like. Maybe I shouldn’t have to yk #Like the truth is I like myself a lot and I don’t like watching myself suffering as weird as that sounds #So maybe I need to take initiative for once instead of putting myself thru awful shit waiting to work it out #But also I’d have to talk to my parents bc therapy isn’t cheap and I’m still on their insurance afaik #And everytime I’ve talked to them about therapy it’s been like this 😭 they don’t deal with emotions well at all #And there’s never a good time to bring it up

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aesthetic-gem · 1 year ago

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awww I love how f!cellbit crazy laughs at the thought of terrible things just like how bbh does his devious little giggling when saying some truly deranged stuff in front of other people 🥰 I love my crazy cubito characters 🫶

#i sound like a terrible mother like ‘yes these are my children yes they’re actually awful isn’t it great’#‘please cheer and clap for them’#tbh i don’t personally see them as father/son bond like some people do but definitely mentor vibes #my guy just left a big impression on cellbo #i support them (i do not)#qsmp #q!cellbit #f!cell #cellbit #q!badboyhalo #badboyhalo #hgduo #gossipduo

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 6 months ago

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So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:

youtube

He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.

Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….

spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]

@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit

#The fucking banana. I was talking to him through the screen like #“…a banana??? You keep bananas in…. there? You good man? A—are you okay?#What the hell are y—” [cracks up but quickly stops laughing] “Oh— oh honey… you’re not right are you?#No you’re not right. Uh…. Why don’t you sit down; your breathing sounds awful. You sound like you’re gonna die…#OH GOD [loses my shit laughing/cringing ] “Oh— oh ouch. No no no— I’m not laughing at you I just— I like your actor…#a lot… too much probably #and he’s just good at what he does and the timing of it all… this is exactly how I act when I’m home alone #I swear I’m not laughing at you… I just— PUT THAT BANANA BACK YOU’RE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF”#John Hurt #stage acting #Krapp’s Last Tape (2001)#Samuel Beckett #Yeah… funky stage play. Very moving and dreamlike #[This is me gently holding Mr. Krapp and rotating him in my mind like a bowl of ramen in a microwave]#Screaming crying throwing up beating the walls #I am unwell #Ough ough ough #It’s not difficult for me to watch per se #but I’m very much the kind of person who HAS to help when someone’s having a hard time doing something #— especially if they’re old or otherwise infirm — or I’ll feel like a piece of shit for weeks… and this fucking man #this fucking man is so good at being frail and pitiful that I feel genuinely agitated that I can’t reach into the screen and help him #It’s like the torture scene in 1984 all over again where he just barely manages to wrench himself upright on the table #then immediately falls off onto the concrete floor with the most tragic sickening bone-grinding splat you’ve ever heard #AND HAS TO HOIST HIMSELF UP ONTO HIS FEET ALL BY HIMSELF WHEN HE’S MALNOURISHED AND EXHAUSTED #Like ughhhhhh let me pick him up and wrap him in a blanket and carry him somewhere warm and safe and make him an omelette #And I know I write whump and I shouldn’t be this sensitive #but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MR. HURT YOU ARE KILLING ME #Youtube

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sammygender · 5 months ago

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im new here- is dean abusive?

imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.

he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues

#anon i wonder which way ur approaching this from - having not considered that dean treats sam badly or having never thought of it as Abusiv #mutuals pls feel free to chime in with ur opinions #wrote a bunch of more detailed responses to this but none of them felt right so i was just like. eh #narrative portrays dean as right like All Of The Time bc the shows morality is deans morality its fucked up so that makes it harder for #fandom to see how awful he is sometimes #but i think a lot of people see his awful behaviour but just wouldn’t call it abusive and rather toxic etc because abusive #is such a ‘strong word’ and people have a lot of personal connotations with it #i don’t often even actually use the word abusive to describe him. but he is! and i’ve been watching s4 and he’s just So awful and it’s been #reminding me hugely #dean crit #<- i guess #spn #oliver talks #asks #it’s more than just like. being awful sometimes. bc it’s this systemic pattern of eradicating sam’s sense of identity outside of him #and punishing sam for ‘disobeying’ him (like s4/8)#dean winchester #supernatural #Also when you start recognising dean as abusive the show becomes a legitimate horror story because fucking hell!!!!#narrative just. sides with him most of the time!!!!#if u wanna think abt it for urself id say make sure u know what abuse actually Is and how it can present & then look at a lot of sam and #dean conflicts. do they seem equal? r both parties being as awful to each other? whats the context?#look away from the view the show is trying to get you to take via like. ending shots and closeups. and look at what theyre actually saying #to each other and what has actually happened #<- i feel like this sounds patronising i dont mean to be😭#if u already think sam&dean r fucked up and had just never defined it as abusive before then feel free to ignore me #there r probably posts in my dean winchester tag much better than this #<- okay apparently i had a lot to say actually. sorry for doing it in the tags

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androidboy · 1 year ago

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#ive got this awful feeling i just want to scoop out #i feel stupid and sensitive #like ive hardened myself to all this shit so the fact that i’m being affected by it is also making me mad at myself #my family didn’t want me around for thanksgiving and didn’t want me there for the family christmas party and didn’t want to #spend christmas with me because my mom doesn’t want me around the extended family because of how far in my transition i am #and my gf put off asking her fam about bringing me over for christmas for a month #and barely just asked and it sounds like they don’t want me there either #and tbh i kinda knew they wouldn’t #but also i feel like my gf also didn’t actually want me there which is why she put off asking for so long #and idk #i felt like with how far along i am in emotionally and physically recovering from stuff #and then also having a partner for the holidays for the first time #i would’ve left my sad sandra bullock era. but i have not #the only person who wants me around for the holidays is my dad and ive got such a weird relationship with him #and it literally would just be me and him alone #my dads side of the family doesn’t want me there either bc of the trans thing i just feel really fuckin #disgusting #feeling very goop monster

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valkyurii · 2 years ago

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i love spending hours writing only to read it back the next day, cringe, and then delete the whole thing

#this is what i call progress #coming to terms with how awful i am then erasing it from existence before it gets worse #made the terrible mistake last night reading some very opinionated persons comments on the way ppl write and well #they were trying to make it sound like helpful criticism but tbh it only sounded l like hate #kind of like ‘omg ppl who do ‘X’ are just so bad’#anyway a lot of what they said ended up being incredibly discouraging #like if you don’t write like this then you’re bad kind of thing #the mental torture i put myself through i swear #for years i have wanted nothing more than to actually do something meaningful with myself #even if that means writing or whatever #cause god knows i’ll never be able to draw #but i will never get over this hurdle it seems #i am only ranting so pls ignore #i'm having one of Those days today #just need to get over myself thats all

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crandberrysaucewithpulp · 1 month ago

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we should all be done with trying to smear our distinctive qualities into the dent of societal normalcy. i am going to seek every weirdo freak and nerd and assemble them into a union to rival insecure conformists, and then convert them into their own authenticity

#i think this is how our race will heal #and so many miss out on deep friendships and relationships w others bc we’re all afraid of being seen #but it’s a wonderful thing to be known and to grow with people and have them understand you #and then you fill some of each others craters with your own habits or interests and such #and u learn from each other and relate to each other better and just become even better individuals #and idk why i’m thinking about this a lot today. but it’s saddening to know that all this value is sucked out of our world today #like people can’t stand to love things that are different #and avoid unorthodoxy while being unwilling to know more about it #so stuck in routine without the things that help celebrate living #obviously ppl have attraction and comfort in work and studies #but also personal enjoyment stretches into infinite forms #and we’re so obsessed with acting like a person that we forget that we were humans first #and to me there is a difference #people are obedient and civil. humans are adventurous curious and fascinated with the mere acknowledgement of being alive #there’s so much substance in being a human and we were never meant to live with minimized focuses #we are explorers and critical thinkers and we never stop learning from and enjoying being alive #and we’re meant to bond together even if our only similarity is our species #and people now are so strict on what and who they interact with that finding interest in someone that’s different #sounds like something that they need to overcome before investing in #which is sick #the way we’re taught to not show kindness or respect to people that don’t precisely embody the idea of an ordinary peer is just awful #we should all let ourselves be weird we should all find interest in specific topics and talk bout them we should all dress in #whatever feels right we should all recognize that our humor is different whether bizarre or bland #i call out of work for one day and start a transcribed podcast in tumblr tags :|#ready to commence the revolution

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cleo-serotonin · 1 year ago

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cleo is kinda a freak for eating peanut butter with pancakes i feel like we don’t talk about this enough

#and the bananas on top….#tbf those are more normal but personally i don’t like peanut butter or bananas so sounds awful to me #h2o just add water #cleo sertori

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graevs666 · 7 months ago

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i feel so ugly

#i acc hate the way i look n who i am as a person #n i can’t even do anything abt it bc it’s just how i look #ik i shouldn’t care but i feel so lonely and unattractive #i keep trying to stay positive and focus on the ppl around me and making plans w them #but as soon as i’m by myself i just feel so much #sometimes i regret transitioning it hasn’t been a thought i’ve ever rlly thought abt until recently #i feel like being trans makes life so much harder #n i wonder whether i would have had a less lonely life w dating if i just stayed a girl #i wouldn’t have lost all my hair #like the idea sounds awful bc i just don’t view myself tht way and can’t imagine living as a woman #but i do feel like i’m just so less loveable as a nonbinary trans guy #like ive grown to accept i have no hair and won’t even look twink again lol #but i miss being cute ….#n besides the hair like i struggle a lot w dating bc not a lot of guy r into me for being trans #ik there’s trans ppl out there w partners n hav hookups etc tho so maybe it’s just me #i just feel like there’s something abt me tht must repulse ppl or turn them off #i rlly thought i was doing a lot better within myself like i was liking the way i looked even w the badly and head tatt like i felt #like maybe i was attractive but i just feel like i’m back to square one feeling like this goblin #journal

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suckd0g · 7 months ago

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i dislike taylor swift for being a billionaire with a complete disregard for the environment but i hate how normalized it is to throw weirdly sexual insults towards her… like talking about her arching her back, teethy head, and people just straight up body shaming her. most recently i saw a tweet speculating that she’s never had sex and just does “hand things”. you idiots can have legitimate criticism towards someone without being a misogynistic freak

#also i don’t think she’s a bad lyricist #i mean she has like some really awful lines but others are well written #the actual sound of her music though? awful #she also just seems like an awful person given the things i listed previously lol

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thnksfrthmmrs · 8 months ago

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#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad #i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over #and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away #i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine #but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing #right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it #i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever #i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol #every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone #when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad #i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like #it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to #i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time #i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good #i don’t know why anyone keeps me around #sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person #the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable #i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all #i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself #like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time #i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day #and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess #it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk #anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better #sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine

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dreamertrilogys · 1 year ago

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my toxic trait is that i have on occasion enjoyed a machine gun kelly song. now this is NOT to say i think his music (or himself. as a person. presumably) can be classified as “objectively good” in any way possible. but rather that i simply have horrendous taste in music

#awful fake pop punk imitation guitar line. terrible tiktok lyric that sounds like it was written by a 12 year old for clout. however it #worked on me i really did listen to his music in grade 9 #.txt #presumably bc i don’t actually know anything abt him. i just think he’s an awful person from the music he’s written

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pallases · 8 months ago

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ourgejjg

#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the #lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad #personal #also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim #to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn #it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight #instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for #easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte #and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT #promising and. AAAAA #also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my #free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles #the music chronicles #i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well #what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3 #OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat #it hereeee #soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that #idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and #stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn #ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.

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evildilf2 · 1 year ago

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I think the idea that “transandrophobia” flavored transmisogyny is absent in transmedicalist rhetoric is a false notion. The fuckin trans guy every conservative pundit and every liberal middle man goes to for insight on trans politics refuses to call himself a man and constantly weaponizes his privilege against trans women in ways that have measurable damage. & damage barely represents the violence done in the name of the ideology he defends… you can’t cross that line and still claim to be against transmisogyny when that rhetoric is the root of at least half of the harmful ideas about trans women that are currently being circulated in the media.

#lesbian trans women are impacted by that rhetoric even more harshly… and as far as I know the person I’m talking about is straight so 🤷‍♂️#all my little words #again if anyone feels I’m out of line feel free to talk things over with me. I don’t want to take what she says in bad faith but like #I feel like I have to be extremely generous with my interpretations in order for her beliefs to not sound pretty awful LOL

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