#i smile every time i see it

[potato-jem]

it has been a whole day and my mind has not deterred away from this picture

[deadpoets]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[sweetlullabyebye]

Made way too many posts about jealous Charles so here is Charles actually smiling for a change

[rjshope]

bangbangcon namgi

for @giraffenamjoon🤍

[hawberries]

I can't take it anymore. I'll never get sick of Baizhu. I try to play Alhaitham, Baizhu can heal me. I try to play Furina, Baizhu can heal me. I try to play Tighnari, Cyno – Baizhu can heal me. He takes me by the wrist to check my pulse. I forage for him. I craft five copies of Prototype Amber for him. He's satisfied. "This gives me a good amount of both HP and energy" he says. "I don't need any field time to full heal your entire team." I want to pull the Jadefall's Splendour but I can't, I don't have enough primogems. He shakes his head gently and puts my credit card away to be used on something more important. "This is not the end. You're taking a turn for the better." There is no hint of malice in Changsheng's eyes. Nothing but pure, instant, teamwide healing with no circle impact or energy hunting. What a kind world.

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

[ ID in ALT ]

he giggles

[kirbstarzz]

DOLPHIN WATCHINGGGG!!!!!!111111111111

[kalmiaclown]

Made myself a little reminder to print out and stick up on my bathroom mirror :]

[ruporas]

i’ll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.

[zeldalizzy]

Warriors and Cinderella! I love that you all voted for me to pair them together! Not only are they both ✨ fabulous ✨ but they both value hard work, know what it is like to rise up in the social ladder (from servant to princess/queen, from knight to captain), and both know the importance of courage and kindness!

I feel like Cinderella is also very proper, very composed, polite, and sweet, and I think Wars would really respect that, especially in contrast to Cia (*shudders*).

My favorite part of this one is definitely Cinderella's dress, I would loveeeee to have a dress just like it and it is very self-indulgent lol. I made Cinderella a princess/queen here, like she has already married her Prince Charming and lives with him in the palace.

Warriors, as a Captain, would likely be extremely respectful in her presence, though the other boys might cause a bit of trouble, which would likely cause poor Wars a bit of anxiety lol.

Anyways, I hope you all like this one! Thanks for all of your support on this series! You all are so sweet and I feel so blessed by your encouragement and kindness!! Have a lovely day! 🩵

[visions--of--collisions]

Miles gets his first piercing! by @fluma_z

[rockpaperscissuhs]

BAND OF BROTHERS: EPISODE ONE + my favorite closeup shots

[unriding]

me n moze say good morning to the world !!! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

art by @rabbbitseason of course <3

[youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal]

My favorite genre of Sorvus is Corvus being #done with Soren

[frankiebirds]

everytime i think about hotch's dynamic with garcia i lose my mind. familial, platonic, romantic, however you view it (although the last of those is very underrated) it's so different and i think it's the best evidence of who hotch is internally, and that most of what he shows in the rest of the show is a mask.

hotch is far gentler with penelope than he is with the rest of the team, partially because she's the furthest removed from the rest of the team and he has the ability to treat her more gently, but also because he can relax around her. i don't even think hotch actively tries to treat garcia so gently, i think he just lets his guard down around her and the rest comes naturally. and also she's his favourite. i will accept no argument /hj