#i should start trying to establish myself in the space more

[loredrinker]

Inflection, Context, and Elven: Lavellan’s Veilguard Ending (romance state)

Lately, I’ve seen quite a bit of criticism directed at a romanced Lavellan on my dash - particularly in the Veilguard ending, interpreting her as needy, egotistical, or entitled.

And I am wondering: Did we watch the same ending? (I find it fascinating how differently people interpret the same moments - such a reflection of the human experience.) And I couldn't help myself! I felt compelled to share my interpretations so I punched this out the last few days.

The sticking point seems to be Lavellan’s words, especially the ones spoken in Elven.

It seems like a common interpretation of Lavellan’s words here are: 

“It won’t be terrible if you’re with me.” (Implying possessiveness or entitlement - and that she alone will make it better.)

The game’s delivery offers no inflection on any word though. For me, it’s always been: 

“It won’t be terrible if you’re with me.” 

It’s subtle, but very different. This is just one micro-example of how much nuance is packed into the dialogue in the Veilguard ending. These lines shouldn’t be taken in isolation - especially not the Elven ones. They should be understood in the context of what Solas says to Lavellan in Elven just before, and beyond that, within the history established in Inquisition and Trespasser.

Warning - if you really can’t stand the Solas / Lavellan romance, now’s your chance to bow out. I’m about to go all in and indulge.

Note: I respect and appreciate all Solas ships and I will never post negativity towards other interpretations in this space. Everyone deserves to enjoy their creativity and find joy in their community. There’s more than enough Solas to go around. As for Lavellan’s portrayal in VG, it's not perfect. I understand the devs had the impossible task of balancing every interpretation of her. Some dialogue between Rook and Lavellan took me out of gameplay a bit. But I recognized then they had to condense countless versions of her into one, and perfection wasn’t possible. In general I have honest criticisms about the game but try to keep my posts positive overall.

Still here? Excellent. (And sorry, it's another long post.)

"Elven is often a game of intents, not direct mapping of phonetic meaning." The language doesn’t rely on straightforward translations of sounds or words into specific meanings. Instead, it operates on a deeper level, where intent and context carry as much weight.

Earlier in the game, when Solas confronts Elgar’nan, he says: “I must speak to you in this tongue. It seems Elven is beyond your grasp.” This insult implies that Elgar’nan has lost the ability to understand the nuanced, metaphorical nature of the language. Elven relies on shared understanding, rhythm, intent, to convey its full meaning. By Lavellan and Solas choosing to speak Elven to each other it's an acknowledgement of their shared understanding - a connection rooted in their history going back to Inquisition.

Which is why I embrace it in my interpretations.

I disliked that Veilguard kept out the Elven words and left only the English translations in. (Has that changed?) They can be found here: (Elven Language - Dragon Age Wiki)  But for funsies, let's take Lavellan’s actual Elven dialogue and translate it literally: Banal nadas. Ar lath ma, vhenan. We already know from Inquisition that Banal nadas translates roughly to "Nothing is inevitable" - the same phrase Solas uses when confronting the Nightmare Demon. So Lavellan is saying: "Nothing is inevitable. I love you, my heart."  The gall of this woman! 

Since I do my best to keep my posts playing in the game’s sandbox, I’m going to just look at what the game tells us the translations are and not get into actual translations (others have done that far better than I ever could). There are some great fandom language resources linked at the end of this post. 

Let's start where Lavellan enters and speaks in the common tongue: 

This is personal and expansive. On one level, she’s speaking as someone Solas has wronged, reminding him of the pain he’s caused her directly. But on another, she’s channeling the voices of countless others whose lives were affected by him and who will be shattered by his actions. It’s a challenge that blends her role as both an individual and the Inquisitor.

It’s also not a condemnation. Lavellan doesn’t lash out or accuse him of being irredeemable. Instead, she questions him, cutting through to reach the man beneath. She’s speaking to Solas (wisdom).

"Vhenan" is acknowledging his love for her but it’s also symbolic of his heart, the part of himself he’s buried and tried to ignore, suddenly reappearing. Solas has spent much of his journey detached and isolated, removing his heart metaphorically to push forward with his plans without the weight of emotional ties. Lavellan’s presence makes it impossible for him to keep it hidden. His heart is right there, exposed and speaking. And the ellipsis - so many words unsaid.

Immediately Solas looks down (I read it as shame). It’s a reaction back to what he said in Trespasser: that he would not have her see what he becomes. And yet, here she is. She sees him, the terrible path he has chosen, the blood on his hands, the awful things he has done, and what he’s about to do. In that moment, his shame is palpable - because Lavellan is one person he couldn’t bear to face in this state. 

And Lavellan doesn’t hesitate. Her next words are as much about holding him accountable as they are about reminding him that there is still another path. 

This isn’t some starry-eyed, naïve Inquisitor we’re dealing with (at least mine isn’t). Lavellan is fully aware at this point. But her stance is clear: no one is beyond redemption, not even the Dread Wolf himself. And she wasn’t the only one – this message is repeated throughout the game by others. 

Her words challenge the belief that has kept Solas shackled to his path. He’s convinced himself that his guilt and mistakes are too great, that there’s no turning back, and that the only option is to see his destructive plans through to the bitter end.

She doesn’t beg or demand or frame it in a way that’s grand and sweeping – she simply says “you’re wrong.”  

She’s not trying to erase his mistakes or pretend they don’t exist. She's saying, Yes, you’ve done terrible things, but that doesn’t mean you’re beyond the reach of change.

Lavellan’s journey as Inquisitor began with the Anchor - a mark born of Solas’s mistakes and choices. From the moment she touched his orb (yes, it sounds dirty), her path became entwined with his. This isn’t Lavellan selfishly claiming Solas’s path; it’s an acknowledgment that their journeys have run parallel.

Their connection was forged long before either fully understood its implications. Lavellan’s work to stabilize Southern Thedas mirrors Solas’s aim to restore a broken world, including the burdens of being forced to take on titles and labels. She is revealing her own struggles with devastating, blood-soaked choices - choices that, like his, have carried profound consequences.

Solas believes he’s been walking this path alone, but Lavellan shows him she's been walking alongside him this whole time. Now, as their paths converge again, this is a reminder of the power of connection and the burdens they’ve both borne. He's actually not alone.

Her words also carry an unspoken promise: she is ready to continue to bear the consequences with him. She knows the road ahead is painful and fraught with difficulty, but she is steadfast.

Why do I feel that people sometimes forget Lavellan’s role as Inquisitor? She wasn’t defined by Solas; she was the leader of a powerful military and political organization, forced to make horrible decisions. Whether you choose the mages or templars in Inquisition, you doom thousands to torment and death. The Empress of Orlais can live or die based on the Inquisitor’s choices. And if you’re like me and made the wrong calls on the Dalish clan war table operation, her own clan can be murdered and wiped out.  (Yes, I’m still haunted by that moment.) Her hands have blood on them too. This makes me wonder: does some criticism of the Solas/Lavellan romance stem from failing to see Lavellan as her own person? I love Lavellan for who she is as the Inquisitor - not because of Solas. Likewise, Solas is fascinating on his own. Their romance is one layer of the story, not the foundation of either character. Sometimes it feels like there are even some Solas/Lavellan lovers who have a tendency to overlook the depth and individuality of both characters outside of their romance.

Solas’s statement is a raw admission of all the guilt he carries for his deceptions and the pain he has caused her - lying to her about his identity, betraying her trust - not just as the Inquisitor, but as a person he loves.

His words are not an attempt to seek forgiveness but an acknowledgment of the truth - no matter how painful it is for them both. He knows his choices have caused devastation to the world and to her specifically. He's exposing the full weight of his dual burden: the grand, world-altering consequences of his plans and the personal betrayal of the woman he loves, who trusted him. 

Perhaps, on some level, he hopes that reminding Lavellan of his lies and treachery will convince her to abandon him, sparing her further pain. His guilt and self-loathing are so entrenched that the idea of being forgiven - or even supported – either confounds him or terrifies him.

But Solas’s confession is not just a shield to push her away. It’s also an invitation for her to see him - not the wise, compassionate companion she knew, but the flawed, broken man beneath.

This moment to me shows that Solas still values Lavellan’s understanding (we also saw it in his letter to her). He doesn’t diminish the weight of his actions but wants her to see the cost of his deception - not just for her, but for himself. To Solas, his betrayal is unforgivable. 

And yet - this "selfish" woman dares to forgive him anyway. 

Forgiveness is an act of wisdom because it requires understanding - and she reflects that wisdom right back at him.

"All you have to do is stop" is heavy with meaning. Yes, on the surface, it’s a plea to stop tearing down the Veil, to reconsider the destruction. But it’s also a plea for him to stop running, to stop isolating himself, and to stop punishing himself for his failures. She’s asking him to step out of the shadow of his self-loathing and see that there’s another way forward, not by demanding or commanding, but by offering him compassion (forgiveness). (Cole, I miss you.) 

But Solas’s guilt and self-loathing run deep.

With these words, Solas apologizes to his heart - hardening it once more. For a moment, it had softened, cracked open. But he shuts the door.

The bow that accompanies his words is loaded. A bow carries layers of meaning depending on context - reverence, respect, gratitude, apology, greeting or farewell, a spiritual act, acknowledgment, loyalty, mourning, or even a romantic gesture. Solas’s bow can mean all of these. 

He is physically reinforcing the gravity of his apology. It’s a solemn moment. He is bowing to her strength, to all she has endured because of him. And when he calls her "vhenan," it is personal. It's an apology to her and to his own heart for not choosing the life he wanted to have with her.  “...to stay by your side as Solas...as I wanted.”  

The bow also carries guilt. He is acknowledging the pain he’s caused and humbling himself before her. And his eyes in the animation during this moment – I saw haunted, tormented, tired eyes – the eyes of a man grappling with the weight of his choices and the thought that he cannot accept redemption, even if it’s offered freely.

Time for a an indulgent moment - a bow can also symbolize acceptance. What if, in that moment, it’s not just an apology? What if it’s Solas saying, “You’re right. You have walked this path with me. I acknowledge that.” The bow could be a tacit agreement - a recognition of a future with her. What if he’s asking: I’m sorry, but I can’t stop, are you still coming with me? And Lavellan’s eyes right after? She looks down, like she’s contemplating this - what if he tears the Veil down? What happens next? What do I do? Anyway, maybe I indulged with this thought a little too much.  

But, as I’ve said before, it takes a village to stop a Solas. Cue Morrigan and Mythal - but I’m not diving into that dialogue rabbit hole in this post.  

But this scene with Mythal is important. Lavellan has just watched the man she loves completely crumble in front of Mythal. He’s bent over in grief/pain, utterly vulnerable. She hears him say, in anguish, “The things that I have done.” She sees him lift the dagger - perhaps to surrender it, to shield himself from Mythal, or even as a plea to Mythal to end his torment. Whatever the intent, Lavellan is witnessing the rawest, most broken Solas. His guilt is overwhelming, and this is the first time she’s truly seeing the full weight of it laid bare (as is Rook). It’s a moment of heavy sadness for her – and for us as players. 

This scene seems to have created a universal understanding among players who love Solas, regardless of who you ship Solas with. We are all witnessing Solas in this moment of pure vulnerability. Let’s honor that shared empathy. 

Solas is bent over with the emotional collapse of centuries of obligation and guilt coming to the surface. Mythal’s departure leaves Solas vulnerable, stripped of the purpose that has guided him for so long. He is alone in his pain.

For Lavellan, can you imagine the helplessness? All she can do is offer her presence, understanding, and faith in him afterward. That might feel like so little in the face of such immense pain, but it’s all she has to give. 

Where Mythal’s words, spoken in the common tongue, are authoritative and final, Lavellan’s are intimate and personal. Her choice to speak Elven reflects her desire to meet Solas where he is - connecting with him on an intimate level.

Only after Mythal has left him exposed - that Lavellan uses the Elven language. In this moment, stripped of his defenses, he is finally open to hearing and feeling the full significance of the words and their intent.

Lavellan’s words challenge the notion that fate is immutable or inevitable. When she says, “there is no fate...,” she isn’t diminishing everything else in favor of her love; she’s rejecting the tyranny of inevitability. Her words assert that choices - rooted in love, connection, and shared purpose - have the power to shape their path forward. She reframes love as a force just as powerful as fate, capable of creating meaning and direction where there once seemed to be none.

Atonement

And at this point? Lavellan has no idea what Solas will do next. None of them do. But the combined efforts of Rook, Lavellan and Morrigan get through to him. Because Solas makes a choice - a monumental choice. He binds himself to the veil, committing to atonement. Atonement is a powerful, active word. It evokes the gravity of recognizing wrongdoing and the courage to address it. His decision to seek restoration with the Titans, to deal with the Blight, to return to where it all began, reflects the depth of his remorse and his willingness to rebuild the balance he disrupted – from the beginning. 

Solas equates atonement with isolation, believing that his punishment must be borne alone. To him, atonement requires severing ties, including the possibility of love. He doesn’t ask Lavellan to join him because he cannot conceive of burdening her with the weight of his choices and the path he must walk.

But Lavellan’s words - once again - challenge that. She offers him the possibility that his actions, no matter how devastating, do not erase the love and faith others still have in him. This is an invitation.

She's also being vulnerable here. She’s offering herself to him, knowing full well that he still might say no. A risk she’s willing to take. 

He doesn’t try to shut her out or push her away this time. Instead, he shifts the focus - he needs her to understand the gravity of the path they are about to walk. His response reflects his own vulnerability as well, he wants her to know what she’s choosing, but he can’t bring himself to reject her offer outright. 

Solas responds in Elven - his acknowledgment of their shared understanding and their entire relationship and journey that has shaped them.

His words also mark a turning point: for the first time, Solas allows Lavellan her agency. Throughout their relationship, he has taken her choices away. He broke off their relationship in Inquisition. He vanished after Corypheus’s defeat, leaving her no say in it all.

And he knows this! During their confrontation in Trespasser, when Lavellan demands answers, he justifies his deception with, “And what would you have had me say? That I was the great adversary in your people’s mythology?” Her cutting reply, “I would have had you trust me!” lands with devastating clarity. His face falls, struck by the hard truth: the man who values freedom has stripped hers away. And he's going to do it again.

This moment in Veilguard feels like a callback to that. Lavellan is asserting her choice. And this time, Solas doesn’t take it from her.

By framing his destination in such stark, "terrible" terms, Solas isn’t pushing her away out of cruelty. He’s laying bare the enormity of what lies ahead, warning her of the peril while giving her the freedom to choose for herself. It’s his way of ensuring she understands the stakes.

Solas is doing what she requested long ago - trusting her - and what a choice to place that trust in. He’s entrusting her to make an informed decision about stepping onto a path that could shape the future of Thedas. He is trusting Lavellan’s strength and resiliency. And in trusting her, Solas reveals a quiet, unspoken truth: he doesn’t want to face this journey alone. By even presenting the choice, he reveals a quiet hope that she might go with him, despite everything.

To me, what makes this moment so achingly beautiful is the duality in his expression. His eyes seem to plead two things at once: “I don’t want to put you in harm’s way,” and “I can’t deny wanting to be with you.” There’s a raw vulnerability in the way he looks at her.

“It won’t be terrible if you’re with me.” 

Lavellan’s response is a direct challenge to Solas’s warning. He tells her the path ahead will be awful - because of him. But she counters, saying that it’s because of him that it won’t be. This isn’t her forcing herself into his journey or suggesting that she alone will make it better. Instead, it’s her way of expressing that his presence will give her the strength to face whatever lies ahead. She’s trying to ease his mind, while also signaling her willingness to trust him again.

At the same time, her words acknowledge the weight of Solas’s suffering, offering herself as a partner to bear that burden together. She isn’t dismissing the risks or downplaying the severity of what’s to come - she’s choosing to stand beside him, fully aware of the challenges ahead.

It’s not about personal gain; it’s about shared resilience. Lavellan’s focus is on what they can endure together, not on what she might receive from the journey.

And since the Fade reflects emotions, as many have pointed out, their combined trust and love could manifest in ways neither of them can predict. Their bond has the power to shape not just their path but the very world around them.

This declaration is past, present and future; it’s a reaffirmation of their bond, a recognition that they’ve been walking the path of the dinan’shiral together all along. It’s future focused - she is offering to shoulder the burden with him going forward.  

She’s also telling him that she won't abandon him, no matter how hard the road ahead may be. 

And at the end of the day, she's a woman who still loves him. What does Prince Lir say in The Last Unicorn? "I love whom I love."

I've never interpreted Lavellan as someone sitting by a window for ten years, writing sad poetry and sighing into the wind, longing for Solas. She’s been busy - rebuilding a fractured world, navigating political fallout, and seeking understanding. Lavellan’s love for Solas isn’t blind devotion; she’s holding onto the possibility of redemption and the deep impact he had on her life. In my world state, Lavellan’s clan is wiped out. The people of the Inquisition have become her family, the ones she fights for and protects. And indirectly, Solas gave her that family. Despite the pain he’s caused, her love for him reflects the complexity of her journey - one defined not by a single relationship, but by hope, resilience, and the connections she’s forged along the way.

Lavellan then leans in to kiss him, and Solas allows himself to be drawn in. This moment is acceptance - a silent vow, a promise sealed in their shared vulnerability. It’s an intimate connection forged in front of those who have just witnessed the emotional storm that brought them to this point, as if to say, “This is where we stand, together.”

While I won’t dive into fly-cam images (you can find some here), there are some tender subtle details: the way he caresses her hands with his thumbs, the way he holds onto her one hand as she pulls away, as if he’s not ready to let go. But I promised to stay within game constraints.

And then Solas turns to Rook and says, “Thank you.”

Solas doesn’t thank Rook when he hands them the dagger, nor when he’s preparing to walk into the Fade. He says it after the kiss. Make of that what you will but Rook’s is symbolic for me, especially after thinking about this ending a bit.

In thanking Rook, Solas acknowledges not only their actions but also their understanding of the connection he shares with Lavellan. Rook, transformed by their own relationships and the bonds they’ve formed throughout their journey, embodies the themes that have always defined Dragon Age to me: connection, fellowship, community, love, and redemption. These games (again, for me) have always been about how people, despite their flaws and struggles, can come together to make the impossible possible.

Rook’s symbolism in the redemption ending feels like the culmination of this ethos. They represent how even those who begin on the periphery of great events can become central to forging bonds and creating change. Solas’s gratitude is for Rook's empathy, their recognition of the importance of connection, and their role in bringing these threads of love and redemption together. I'll go cry now.

And off they go into the Fade.

The Final Translation 

"With Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain dead, and the Inquisitor finally reunited with her true love, it looked like one of the biggest stories the world had ever seen was finally drawing to a close."  

Varric’s narration ties the ending image back to the connection between Inquisition and Veilguard. Inquisition is the Inquisitor’s story; Veilguard is Rook’s. Solas serves as the thread linking them. Varric frames this moment through Lavellan’s perspective, narrating the story like one of his novels - not to diminish Solas, but to highlight the Inquisitor’s journey. After all, Veilguard wouldn’t exist without Inquisition. Rook wouldn’t be working with Varric or searching for Solas if not for the Inquisitor.

As much as I would have loved a deeper focus on Solas, Veilguard wasn’t his story. If Inquisition is the Inquisitor’s story and Veilguard is Rook’s, this ending is a shared culmination: for a romanced Lavellan, it’s the personal resolution of her journey; for Rook, it’s recognition of their critical role in saving Thedas.

Okay, indulgence over - whew, that was long! I really need to practice shorter posts.

In the end, those who dislike this romance or this ending probably always will. That’s fine; I just wanted to share my interpretations because I genuinely love this story for all its complexity.

To everyone who made it to the end of this post - thank you for joining me in my indulgence. May your own Solas ships continue to bring you joy and inspiration.

Elven language resources: 

Project Elvehn on AO3 

Elven Translator 

World Anvil Elvhen Resource 

Reddit on Elvhen Poetry 

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

*twirling my hair giggling fluttering my eyelashes* heyyyyy any of the cool gsa kids want to talk to me tee hee

[bookwormjust]

A...strange situation (established relationship with Azriel, Elain as the bad person thinking you are just an obstacle to get Azriel)

The tension in the room is palpable. You can feel it in the way the Inner Circle exchanges quiet glances, in the way Azriel’s shadows seem to coil closer to him, whispering around his form as if anticipating a storm. The dinner had started peacefully enough, but it quickly shifted when Elain began making pointed remarks, her usually soft and gentle tone laced with something sharper.

You’ve caught her staring at Azriel all night, her eyes lingering on him longer than they should. She hasn’t realized yet—hasn’t *seen*—the bond that connects you and Azriel, hasn’t noticed the way his gaze never strays from you for long, the way his body naturally angles toward yours, protective and steady.

Then it happens.

Elain, her smile tight and eyes gleaming with something that’s no longer kindness, turns her attention to you. Her voice is deceptively sweet as she says, “I don’t have to press myself against Azriel to get his attention.” Her words hang in the air, thinly veiled aggression slipping into the space between you. “I don’t have to throw myself at him or—” she glances at your chest, her meaning clear, “put my breasts in his face to be noticed.”

The room goes dead silent. 

Azriel’s hand, which had been resting lightly on your thigh under the table, tightens. His eyes darken, his jaw clenching in a way that shows he’s barely holding back his anger. His shadows react instantly, swirling more fiercely around him, curling protectively toward you. Though he says nothing—yet—the tension radiating from him is undeniable.

Across the table, Mor lets out a sharp laugh, the sound biting through the silence. She leans back in her chair, her golden eyes sparkling with amusement and a hint of anger. “Oh, Elain,” she drawls, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “Sweetheart, you really don’t know anything, do you?”

Elain stiffens, clearly caught off guard, her gaze darting to Mor, then back to you. She’s confused, not realizing the deeper dynamics at play here.

Feyre shifts uncomfortably beside Rhysand, her brow furrowing as she gives her sister a warning look, but Rhys merely leans back in his chair, eyes glinting with quiet amusement as he watches the scene unfold, ready to intervene if necessary. Cassian, on the other hand, has gone entirely still, his usually playful demeanor replaced by something harder as his gaze flicks between you, Azriel, and Elain. Nesta, seated next to him, glares at her sister with sharp disapproval, clearly not amused by her antics.

Azriel, finally breaking the tense silence, turns his head slowly to Elain. His voice, when he speaks, is dangerously calm. “Elain,” he says, his words measured and clipped. “You will not speak to her like that again.”

Elain falters, her eyes widening slightly at his tone, but she still doesn’t understand. She thinks she has a chance with him, and that perhaps you’re the obstacle in her way. But she doesn’t know—*doesn’t feel*—what you and Azriel have. She tries to respond, to say something else, but Azriel cuts her off.

“I am hers,” he states simply, the finality in his words ringing through the room. He glances down at you, his gaze softening, the bond between you two thrumming with warmth and certainty. “I always have been.”

Elain’s face drains of color as the weight of his words sinks in. She glances between the two of you, slowly beginning to realize what she’s missed all this time. She opens her mouth, as if to say something in defense, but Mor cuts her off with a sharp, mocking laugh.

“Gods, this is priceless,” Mor says, grinning widely. “She really thought—” She stops herself, shaking her head with a mix of amusement and disbelief. “Elain, you don’t have a clue.”

Feyre clears her throat, trying to regain control of the situation before it spirals further. “Elain,” she says softly, though her tone holds an edge of frustration, “I think it’s time we moved on from this conversation.”

But the damage has been done. Elain looks utterly humiliated, her previous confidence crumbling as she realizes not only the mistake she’s made but also that the entire Inner Circle has rallied behind you. Her eyes flick to you one last time, filled with a mix of confusion and resentment, before she looks away.

Azriel, ever calm but protective, leans close to you, his hand never leaving your side. “You’re more patient than I am,” he murmurs, his voice a quiet promise in your ear. “I wouldn’t have let her get away with saying that.”

You smile softly, leaning into his warmth, feeling the strength of your bond pulsing between you. “She didn’t know,” you reply gently, though there’s a firmness in your words too. “But now she does.”

And with that, the tension slowly begins to fade from the room, though Elain remains quiet and withdrawn for the rest of the evening. Azriel stays close to you, his touch and presence a constant reminder of the bond that ties you together, one that no one—not even Elain—can ever come between.

[devildomcuties]

Golden ││ Levi ││

thank you for sending in this request :)

pairing: levi x f. reader

genre: established relationship, smut 18+

summary: Mammon poured all of the Golden Hellfire Newt Syrup into the soup, and now Levi wants you to stay as far away from him as possible. Do you listen? Of course not!

wc: 2.3k

warnings: spoilers ahead! ch. 21-ch. 22, dialogue from the OG game to set the scene, also yes, the banner has honey but I couldn't find gold syrup, insecurity (levi), levi is somewhat still under the influence of the syrup, making out, grinding, handjob, oral sex, hickeys, jealousy, cock slapping, degradation, demon!levi, facial, cum eating, levi uses his tail to keep your hands together

date: August 16, 2024

“Listen, love… Whatever you do, stay away from my room!” Levi explains, his cheeks flushing pink. “You got that?! Stay away!”

Levi’s words circle your mind as you leave Asmo’s bedroom after being interrupted by Lucifer. When did you become a delivery person for the House of Lamentation anyway?

Lucifer takes his leave after walking you to Levi’s bedroom, and you focus on Levi’s secret phrase, getting it correctly on the first try. After some praise from the third eldest, he allows you to enter his bedroom.

Levi stands nervously in front of you, his hands tucked in his pants pockets, eyes wide as he exclaims, “Ah, but wait! Stop right there!”

You come to a stop, surprised at the volume of his voice as the door shuts behind you, automatically locking to keep his brothers out.

“Don’t move! Not another step!” Levi shouts, covering his blushing face with his hand. Oh, no what was he going to do with you so close? Your sweet scent was already making his head spin, and the thoughts that ran through his head were anything but innocent.

“What if the Gold Hellfire Newt Syrup kicks in, huh? Wh-What then?” he stutters, cheeks aflame. He’s so nervous, so embarrassed, and blurts, “Like, I might lose control of myself and just… make a move on you!”

You’re silent as you approach him, wanting to ease his worries but he places his hand over his cheeks briefly, trying to hide his embarrassment. 

“Listen to me. Don’t come any closer, okay? No closer!” He warns as you set the package from Akuzon aside and take a few more steps toward him. You should listen to him, or perhaps leave but your first instinct is to offer comfort. You’ve been away from him for so long. You missed him dearly, and you just want to make everything better.

“What if I s-start acting like Asmo, all l-lewd and taken over by lust and…” Levi shakes his head furiously. The idea of acting like the Avatar of Lust makes his heart race. He would never be able to deal with the absolute humiliation it would cause when he comes to his senses.

“Aaaaaaah! I don’t even want to think about it!” Levi seems to go through all seven stages of grief as you remain silent in front of him. You want to reach out to him but you’re afraid it may make things worse.

Perhaps you should heed his advice and head to your bedroom.

“I trust you, Levi,” you tell him sincerely when he finally settles long enough for you to get a word in. 

“Love, I know you’re probably just saying that to make me feel better. Still, even if you don’t really mean it, I appreciate it.” Levi nods solemnly. “I sort of don’t trust myself right now…”

You give Levi space as he paces back and forth in his bedroom. Everyone has been affected by the syrup so differently but Levi seems to be most flustered by it. Perhaps since he knew from the start what it could do, what it meant for you.

“I mean, it’s not like you came back here to see me. Pfft, as if! Why would someone be interested in some otaku who hides in his room all day? You probably think I’m gross!” Levi rants as he tugs at his hair, and your heart sinks. 

You hated that he talked so negatively about himself, especially when you loved him so, just as he was. If only he could see himself like you saw him; if he knew that your love was true, that it was pure.

There would be battles Levi would have to face himself, like his self-image and insecurities, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t stand beside him through it all. You wanted to ease his worries and know that he was who you wanted and loved with all your heart.

“You should know, I actually missed you!” You state truthfully. You spent a lot of your time thinking about him, wondering if he was getting enough sleep, and having his meals, and hoping Mammon would ease off him a bit.

“As if you’d actually miss seeing me, pfft!” Levi immediately retorts with a snort. However before you can assure him, he crosses the distance between you, throwing his arms around you. Finally!

He apologizes, pink cheeks warm under the palms of your hands as you cup his face. 

“It’s like my body’s moving on its own…” he whispers confused. “Oh, no. Oh, no. This isn’t like me! Love, give me an order!”

You’re startled by his volume, panic clear in his tone as he tries to hold back his urges. 

“It doesn’t matter what it is!” He shouts. “Just tell me to do something, quick!” 

“Kiss me,” you order feeling bashful. 

“Why couldn’t you have made it something easier?!” Levi whines as his cheeks burn hotter under your hands. “Okay, here goes…”

Levi kisses you softly, shyly at first.

“Now suddenly all I want to do is keep going and move on to more high-level stuff…!” Levi admits, his ears now burning red. “I’ve been missing you ever since you left, you know? Every single day…”

You hold his hands in yours, admitting that you missed him as well.

“I have to make up for all of that time. And since you’re the one who ordered me to kiss you…” Levi kisses you again, taking your lead as you guide his hands to your waist. His hands shake as he grabs hold of you, moaning when your tongue slips past the seam of his lips.

“Love,” he moans as he steps back, feeling the syrup’s effects wear off somewhat. He wipes his brow, panting heavily. “I thought I was going to have a heart attack…”

You giggle, pulling him closer to you. He trips but grabs hold of your hips to steady himself. 

You moan at the rough touch, kissing him before he can stutter an apology. You’ve missed him dearly and you wanted to spend time with him, everyone else be damned. 

When the two of you pet for a much-needed breath, you shut off your DDD and his, wanting no interruptions when you devour him whole. 

“Fuck,” you curse as his hands slide under your shirt, moving upwards slowly to cup your breasts over your bra. 

You press your lips to him, nipping his bottom lip as his fingers tremble when they reach the hooks of your bra. He struggles for a moment to undo them, but he does so with ease. 

“I-I’ve been practicing,” he admits with rose-tinted cheeks. “I wanted to be better for your return.”

“With who?” you raise a brow, jealousy growing inside you.

“N-no one! I-I swear!” Levi quickly responds, stuttering as cold sweat beads on his forehead. His cheeks turn bright red as he points to his desk. On the flat surface, three little bra extenders sit connected by the hooks.

You giggle as your jealousy dissipates. You coo at Levi, kissing him to ease his embarrassment. It takes him a moment to relax, his heart racing as you deepen the kiss.

Levi normally allows you to take the lead, but he’s missed you so much, and remnants of the syrup still linger in his body. Perhaps that's the bit of courage he needs to tug you towards him, his hands moving from your hips down to your ass.

“Levi,” his name escapes you in a sweet moan that makes his cock throb. He silences you with his lips, squeezing your ass before he leads you to the bathtub.

It's large enough to fit the two of you comfortably. 

You waste no time straddling him, your hands grip his hair to give it a firm tug. Your name rolls off his tongue in a wanton moan that makes you pulsate.

Levi nips your bottom lip as his hands move to your shirt, tugging on it until you raise your arms over your head. He takes it off you and tosses it somewhere in his bedroom.

Slowly, Levi kisses his way down to your neck, biting and sucking to leave his mark behind. He groans when your fingers weave through his hair, gently tugging as his face settles between your breasts. 

Levi’s tongue is hot against your skin as he licks one breast and then the other. 

“I-I’ve missed you so much,” he stutters with a tiny smile before he takes one pert nipple into his mouth. His nails drag down your sides, his hips rising to meet yours as you unbutton your pants.

“Levi,” you breathe as you hold him to your chest, rolling your hips against his. Levi curses, his demon form threatening to come out if things continue to heat up. You’d think he’d have better control over it by now.

Your hands make quick work of his clothes before you strip down to your panties. The two of you pant as you look at each other; cheeks flush, and bashful smiles.

“Lie down,” You demand as you push Levi down by his broad shoulders. He was ripped, something that made you drool. 

Levi eyes you shyly as you kiss him again, moaning softly before you trail kisses down his chest. Your tongue runs over his abs, leaving little marks on his skin as you palm his cock over his boxers.

“Fuck, baby,” Levi groans as his eyes flutter shut, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him as you tug his boxers down his thighs.

Levi covers his mouth with his hand.  Your eyes sparkle when you see his thick cock. You wrap your hand around him, spitting on the head.

Levi’s sure he’s going to bust before you even get his dick in your pretty little mouth.

A surge of confidence fills him for a moment, encouraged by the hungry look in your eye. Levi wraps his hand around his cock, spreading your spit up and down his length. Your eyes follow his movements closely, nearly drooling as you move your face closer to it.

You ignore the slight ache on your knees as you press your hands to your thighs, feeling your panties grow wetter by the second.

Levi presses the head of his cock to your lips. You kiss it, swirling your tongue around it after. Chuckling, Levi shakes his head.

“Show me your tongue,” he commands, and you do so eagerly. Levi praises you, smacking his cock on your tongue a few times before rewarding you with his length.

You suck his dick, flicking your tongue on the underside before teasing the slit. Levi curses. His eyes squeeze shut as you take him further into your mouth, only pulling off when you gag and gasp for breath.

Levi watches as you lick up one side of his cock and down the other, rolling his balls in your hand before moving downward and taking them in your mouth.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he groans as you bob up and down on his length. He hits the back of your throat and sees stars. 

You don’t ease up, sucking, slurping, kissing, licking as he threads his fingers in your hair. Levi is filled with pleasure, feeling euphoric as you choke on his cock like the little slut you are. 

You have one hand rubbing between your legs, and the other grips Levi’s thigh to support yourself as you continue to suck his cock and balls. He’s a mess of salvia and precum but you seem unbothered as you pop off him to catch a breath.

Levi strokes your hair with one hand. The other he uses to slap his cock on your cheek until you open your mouth to welcome him in once more.

“Just like that, baby. You look so cute sucking my fat cock,” he smirks as his body grows hotter, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as you choke on him once more.

Levi moans your name, warning you that he’s about to cum but you continue to suck him off, ignoring the ache in your jaw.

You take him deep in your mouth, your nose pressed to his pelvis as you meet his gaze. You feel something wrap around your calf, realizing Levi has released his demon form as he loses control of himself. His tail is wrapped around you, needing to feel you close as you swallow around him, causing him to nearly growl before he pulls out of your mouth.

“You’re mine,” he grunts as he strokes his cock. You nod, agreeing wholeheartedly as you feel the warmth of his release land on your cheek, lips, and chin.

Levi groans as he finishes, milking every last drop of cum from his cock. 

You giggle as you stare up at him.

Levi kisses you, tasting himself on your lips and tongue.

“Let’s take care of you, okay?” he asks as he uses two fingers to swipe the cum off your cheek, pressing it to your lips. You welcome his fingers into your mouth eagerly, licking and sucking them clean as he smirks.

“Can’t help yourself, huh? Such a cum-hungry slut,” Levi chuckles before he kisses you again. You tug his bottom lip, making him whine before you release him.

Levi licks the cum off your chin, giggling at the surprised look that crosses your face.

Without another word, Levi has you underneath him in the tub. Your hands are pinned in front of you, held together by his tail before he settles between your legs, placing each one on his shoulders.

“Levi!” you exclaim when he tugs you towards him, his tongue running up your wet folds.

“You’ve had your fun, love. Now it’s my turn,” Levi grins as he licks his lips, tasting you on them. You’re excited to see this side of Levi, though you’re not sure how much of a role the Golden Hellfire Newt Syrup will play in your relationship in the future, you’d enjoy Levi’s confidence while it lasts.

Who knows, perhaps you’d venture into it again.

© devildomcuties - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms.

[zahri-melitor]

What can you infer about the editorial meddling Young Justice went through?

Oh god. It’s like the old quote about pornography: you know it when you see it. Spend enough time reading comics and you can just tell.

Notable problems with the Young Justice 2019 run that smack of interference:

You can really tell there was external pressure to include Steph in the run and that she was not originally intended to join the team or appear any further than occasional cameos such as the flashbacks at the Hall of Justice as a link to Tim’s final scene in Tynion’s Tec run. Structurally her story makes no sense whatsoever for how to put a plot together. Steph’s not an original Young Justice character, the run already was supporting two new female characters plus a reboot of Amethyst introducing Amy to a new generation, even before we look at the crossovers from other titles in the imprint. The fact they ended up throwing in a single issue entirely about 'what Steph has been up to and her fight against Cluemaster' in the last section of the run makes it even worse, as that was valuable page time wasted pandering that could and should have been used to give Jinny Hex or Keli Quintela more development.

The entire ‘Drake’ situation, which for a costume change had very little build up, was under-designed, and then disappeared with Tim back in the Robin costume between two panels. It was a test balloon from someone that was comprehensively shot down by some mix of the fandom and editorial, and I remain convinced that DC is gunshy about a new costume and identity for Tim all the way up to the present day because of how badly it was handled.

It was being used as the anchor for Wonder Comics, leading to the required mega crossover (that also spilled over into Bendis’ Action Comics to give it some more space), putting even more pressure on the title to be telling a big crossover story when it was still trying to re-establish “your favourites are back” and suggesting potentially expanding the Young Justice lineup out to around thirteen characters, a massively oversized team that the title was not set up to handle.

Lost in the Multiverse was where the story started to get bogged down by being pulled in too many directions by expectations.

It’s also super telling that the last third of the book got turned over to essentially doing one-shot character pieces about the Core Four, the last defence of a run that can see cancellation coming and doesn’t feel confident launching a new story arc they don’t expect to get to finish. Some of this stuff was clearly background character work they would have preferred to have dripped out over a longer run.

Also I know I’m repeating myself, but having the Tim piece focus on Steph mostly, in the frame of Tim and Steph’s relationship? That’s not where I’d be spending my time when looking at Tim Drake in the focus of Young Justice. How he’s coping with his returned memories of having two or three different lives now? Thinking about what ‘Tell Conner you’re sorry’ means? Discussion about his feelings in terms of moving on from being Robin or not? Nah let’s talk about Steph's problems with her dad instead. That’s not a natural fit compared to what everyone else got and does not follow from any of the preceding story.

Still ropeable that the whole set of storylines about regained memories and alternate timelines doesn’t get to intersect with Lois Lane (which spoilers but also is committed to storytelling about ‘people have memories of other places bleeding through’ prior to the full Infinite Frontier retcon) or explore how those memories change things for Tim, Bart or Cassie (Kon at least does get a story about reconnecting in Action).

And that’s just off the top of my head, ignoring any of the more subtle signs.

I love Young Justice 2019. It is a run that adores Bart, Kon, Cassie and Tim (and particularly Bart. I cannot explain to you how much this story adores Bart if you’ve never read it) and the opening 6 issues make me feel warm and fuzzy every time I read them in terms of how cleverly it works to explain how we get everything back. There are clever subtle moments in the text that give a lot more depth to the story that are implied rather than spelled out: how Cassie suddenly remembers Bart when Bart comes near her, suggesting that her returned memories are a Speed Force side effect from being a lightning rod to Bart; Cassie and Tim sense Kon using TTK and recognise it as familiar, something the new characters cannot; the fakeout in the art where when Tim’s memories are restored, he sees Cissie in his memories, but unless you know the exact YJ98 page being referenced you’d think it was Steph; etc.

But gosh it would have been so much better if it had not been required to devote so much page time to crossovers and to pandering to fans, among other elements.

[suusoh]

I think a lot of people seem hesitant to write about Johan Liebert, believing there’s a need to portray him "accurately" or "seriously" or else don't write him at all.

This fear is completely valid and understandable of course; experiencing it myself. Most works in the "x reader" section tend to lean heavily toward psychological thriller and suspense, all crafted with such skill and depth with downright the most beautiful writing style ever. (can you tell I want to inject these fics right into my veins.)

I absolutely fucking LOVE these. Okay? let's establish that. I eat up these works every time, they clear my skin and water my crops.

What saddens me a bit is to think that starting out writers who read these fics, instead of getting inspired by such beautiful works, accidentally intimidate themselves out of writing for Johan because they think that is the standard of what a Johan fic should look like. I suspect many aspiring writers believe they need to meet certain "requirements" before they can write about Monster or Johan.

It's easy to think that you have to read countless analysis posts on monster, watch the series dozens of times, or have a good grasp in psychology and philosophy before you're allowed to write about him (guilty ✋️).

While it’s beneficial to understand a character well, I've noticed an underlying sense of "perfectionism" found within the fandom, creating this sort of cycle:

-> Look at the Johan/Monster tag: You see no "bad" or "inaccurate" fanfics—only well-written ones. -> Try to write for Johan: You feel your work will never match the quality or accuracy of what's already out there, so you hesitate to share it. -> Avoid uploading your fanfics: you think your work is "inaccurate," so you might as well not upload it. Someone might even bash you for it.

And then the loop begins at the top again. Breeding the idea that only meticulously researched, serious fics are worthy of uploading. I believe these amazing fics should be a source of inspiration to you to share your own stories instead of holding back. I doubt the authors of those fantastic pieces want anyone to feel intimidated. In fact, I'm sure that they, along with many readers, would likely LOVE to see a selection of variety and creativity in the fandom.

It's good to be cautious of your characterization, great even. It means you've at least put in the work right? But you shouldn't let the fear of making something "untrue" to Johan's character stop you entirely. It might help to look at certain fanfics as a way to guide you, but not to set strict laws on yourself. He’s meant to be an enigma, a puzzle to interpret in various ways. For example, one author might say he enjoys tea, while another might explain he prefers blue Gatorade in their story. The beauty of writing him lies in these interpretations!

( Also there are people on platforms like TikTok and YouTube using Johan as a mascot for the "sigma male manipulator". Writing Johan x reader going on a cute date as a little treat for himself with his newfound humanity is absolutely fair game at this point 💀 )

Numerous serious fandoms, like Sherlock, Hannibal, or Dexter, have their share of fluff and unserious fics that don’t delve deeply into character analysis. Yet they’re written, uploaded, and enjoyed by the community.

Fandom and fanfic writing should be a space and a chance for you to experiment and indulge in your creativity. That's what everyone is doing here, it's not a competition for "best writing". You shouldn't feel any pressure to write for anyone else but yourself and write what you wish to read. If anything, I'm pretty sure all the johan peeps are begging to have more people write, eating up any sort of writing like the dogs we are. woof woof bitchh!

You might think that your fanfic about Johan running away to join the circus is stupid, but somewhere out there is someone waiting to find and read a fic of Johan running away to join the circus.

[issacballsac]

“Being Best-friends with Dante Sparda„

Being a son of Sparda doesn’t mean he doesn’t have time to fool around with you ! Gender neutral human reader

Teenage Years | DMC3

Being the massive flirt he is he’ll most likely try and flirt with you upon meeting

Seeing as his twin brother is currently trying to kill him and take his necklace he’ll keep your first conversation short and leave you with his number

After literal Hell on Earth he’ll remember to give you a call

Y’all click instantly…he’s also just a really easy person to get along with but we’ll just ignore that

Now we all know he STAYS broke so either you pay for a meal or y’all are taking a walk in the park somewhere

Getting him to actually talk about himself is pretty difficult

Give him space and he’ll open up about deeper things in his life eventually especially things that concern his demon half(brother, childhood, etc.)

He does enjoy throwing compliments everywhere so expect daily words of praise whether it be sarcastic, goofy, exaggerated, or sincere praise

If you like to compliment as well it’ll be like the most sickening bromance ever

If your still in school DO NOT go to him for homework help

He’ll hype you up for sure but if you need genuine academic help just get a tutor💀

Would be genuinely upset if you made a joke regarding his white hair bro would get hella moody and claim you aren’t friends anymore

If you have a part time job you can BET he’s gonna ask for some bread

Not exactly outright but he’ll allude to it like..

“You remember all the damage those demon guys did to my shop? Yeah…it’s gonna cost A TON to repair it by myself…”

“Are you hungry? Well I heard about this new pizza spot that WE should totally tryout 😁.”

If you like to make clothes/jewelry/accessories he’ll totally wear it

Refuses to let you mess with his hair until like two years into knowing each other

Takes pride in his looks and you should too! Self care! Ofc you’re paying for any and all expenses🫶

Glorified sugar daddy😭

If you live with your parents…so does he

Congratulations you have a new brother 🩰

If you don’t he’ll offer to be roommates so he can get a cheaper rent

You’ll definitely meet Lady she is absolutely appalled at how you tolerate him constantly sarcastically ofc she knows he’s a good guy

If you’re into video games he’ll play with you granted he doesn’t have the money to pay for a game console so it’ll be on whatever console you have

Once he’s in your life he’s never leaving literally.

A best-friend for a lifetime

Adult Years

He probably saved you from some demons

Like if you met him in his teenage year he’d def start flirting

What can I say he stays true to himself

His personality would never change regardless of his aging

Still the same wacky woohoo pizza man we know and love

Thinks you look hot and invites you on a date which quickly just turns into a hangout after the LACK of romance

Still finds hanging with you to be fun and keeps a friendship

Even after establishing a friendship he still flirts here and there—force of habit

Would definitely teach you how to ride a motorcycle if you didn’t already know

More willing to let you mess with his hair

Like put it in pigtails or tie it up/braid it

Introduced you to the whole DMC gang

Now depending on the time period he’ll tell you about Vergil and his upbringing

He would totally tell you all about it after the events of DMC5 after he returns ofc!

I feel like he’s an animal guy so if you have any pets they’re now his pets too

Co-parenting core🩰

If you’re an artist he’ll be your muse/reference material any day

Loves the attention

Drunk dance nights

Karaoke too he doesn’t have the best singing voice but it’s not the worst

Since he’s a devil hunter he goes on missions a lot and seeing as you don’t want to get your shit rocked you stay behind

Cherishes every moment spent together and will make sure you know that

You always take him with you on vacations

How could you not???

He appreciates if you chip in helping him pay off his MASSIVE FUCKING DEBT

He doesn’t expect you to though

Despite being broke he stays stylish and if you asked would help you with fashion

Ofc he isn’t like BIG on fashion but cmon have you seen his looks? He dabbles

Immediately sees you after missions and starts ranting about the entire thing

“Can you believe it?! So obviously I shot that nasty bitch and it had the nerve to explode all over my jacket! It died so I can’t even get it to pay for a new one!”

“Don’t worry about why I smell like this worry about the fact that Trish totally took MY commission!”

Very dramatic but laid back too if that makes sense

Calls you cheesy nicknames that I will not elaborate on use your imagination 🗣️🫶

Enjoys live music and will go with you to concerts if you like

Shows you his demon form if you’re interested

Whatever your hobby is he’ll be interested

Would make sure nothing ever bad happened to you regarding devils ofc

Best bros for life and in death🫡

[cxncordia]

@oceanicxeyes - When the Sun met the Sea

It started when they attacked that girl during the sports event.

Two weeks ago, Toño and his friends saw how one of the students from the Infinite Academy pretty much transformed into a scaly abomination in front of them and with great bravery and strength stopped her. In the nick of time, Toño was able to undo the spell that had been placed in the poor girl. It was a whole ordeal but it was doable, she got to be healed from the horrible experiment placed upon her.

This had made the Teporingos, a group of five mages and Toño, become alert about the situation. Regina had mentioned having had premonitory visions about the arrival of the new enemy and Moises had his sights set on the Infinite Academy, a school for the rich elites that was heavily secured and, behind closed doors, dedicated to the pursuit of dark magic.

The Teporingos were the protectors of this city, the Verbena mages who took care of the land and protected it from evil that sought to take it away. Moises had tracked one of the professors of said Academy and after having investigated her, it seemed that Professor Yuri Aparicio, in charge of Etiquette and Decorum of the Academy, was also one of the Cinco Brujas that belonged to the group of Nefandi that Toño and los Teporingos were trying to elminate.

Tracking her by the whole city, Toño finally stopped when he saw the red-haired woman enter the bar. He had to follow her, to pursue her and to gather all the information necessary to stop this new enemy.

However, when he stopped the motorbike only a block away from the bar Tacho realized of a particular situation that the young Mage had not come to consider.

"And how do you think you are going in?" The small talking chihuahua scolded Toño from his back pack. "Do you want a disaster for us? Don't be a fool!"

"Disaster? But what do you want, Tacho?" Toño asked, frustrated by the small dog's scolding. "I told you that we need to investigate!"

"Investigate from afar, Toñito." The chihuahua explained. "This is an adult establishment and they won't let you get through."

"Well, I could disguise myself as an adult, you know?" The boy explained to his companion. "We are supposed to hide our powers in public! An adult will have no trouble entering and seeing what is going on." Toño took the backpack and adjusted it over his shoulder, the leather jacket squeaking when the straps were pushed back. The young mage found a place to disguise himself, sliding in the back alleys where the stench of urine and trash was almost nauseating.

"Stop, stop, stop, stop...You can't make a spell like that!" The small chihuahua practically barked from within Toño's backpack.

"Why not!?" Toño huffed. "Just wait and see!" Toño focused his energies, trying to imagine how he would look when being an adult and words in Nahuatl flew from his mouth. "Huapahua," Toño pronounced in a whisper. He had learned these from his Mentor, Huey Tlanextli. Taking a deep breath and soon Toño could feel how his height and his hair was growing. How his muscles got firmer and his clothes were getting tight around him.

Being a mage really made all these experiences so interesting.

When looking himself at the reflection of the window, Toño couldn't believe it: that really wasn't him, those were now more the face of an adult. "Hehe, nice..." He cooed, touching his chin and starting to notice how different his skin felt.

"What are you doing!?" Tacho scoffed in surprise. "Magic should not be used for fun!"

"Relax, Tachito. I got it all under control." Toño responded with more confidence than he would have. He then moved away from the narrow space and back to his bike. He took the helmet and put it back on the motorcycle, starting to look back towards the location, and once again thinking of a plausible and reasonable line for this adventure. He took a pair of glasses that Moises had given him, so that the Teporingos could see what he was seeing, set them on his face and walked towards the establishment, this time, pretty sure that nobody would notice him. Or the dog in his back pack.

As he approached the door, a sound, beautiful and enigmatic was heard. The light tone of a humming echoed with delight. Toño could not help but to try to follow the origin of the song with his eyes, completely forgetting that he was supposed to approach the front door, right at the entrance. A beautiful blonde man, with flowy hair and blue eyes was singing in the establishment. The boy's eyes met him for an instant as Toño grew enraptured by the tune.

For a second he felt as if he was carried by the waters themselves, the feeling of the breeze enveloping him and the gentle embrace of the water surrounding him. He remembered those days, one summer break, when he and his Dad got to visit the beach back when he was only ten years old. What a beautiful and soulful tune this was!

[basket-of-cats-and-witches]

Grief

Buckle down, this is a heavy one. I enjoy causing myself emotional pain, and this hurt/comfort fic is definitely it.

Featuring pre-relationship! Sylus and my OC Kit, regarding her past relationship with Caleb, her ex. Kit is NOT the MC (although Kiri, mentioned in this fic, is), but she is an assassin and Sylus's second in command. Ironically, this was established for me before I knew there were "assassin second in command" fics around.

Trigger warnings for this one: Grief, workplace abuse (not Onychinus, briefly mentioned in non-explicit detail), unintentional physical altercations, lack of eating due to grief. This is addressed and resolved in fic.

If you enjoyed this fic, please consider giving it a like or a reblog! It lets me know people like what I'm doing and encourages me to continue writing!

🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

The phone hits the floor, its screen shattering.

Kit is soon to follow, her knees giving out beneath her. She can hear Luke and Kieran speaking urgently to her, a voice on the other end of the call crackling out from the speaker, but it's all underwater. Muffled sound that should be words is nothing compared to the heart-rending cry that rips from her throat.

“No. No! Caleb!”

Kit doesn't leave her room for three days.

Later, she'll learn that no one thought to call her. The one who finally asked is River, part of the high school/university friend group who had witnessed the beginning and inevitable end of her relationship.

He's the one who broke the news.

Kit doesn't remember much from those three days. She doesn't eat, barely sleeps, and spends most of her time curled up in her lofted space in Onychinus's attic.

She's there when Sylus finally intervenes.

A hot cup of cocoa is put into her hands, its heat startling her enough to make her look up. Sylus's expression is inscrutable, and if she wasn't in shock, she'd have laughed at the way he's bent forward to avoid the low ceiling.

“Drink,” he says firmly. It's an order, not a request.

Kit’s lips touch the edge of the mug, the sweet aroma curling around her. Her mouth trembles, and her stomach twists. As if accepting bodily functions is a cruel smack against her grief.

A reminder that she is alive, and Caleb is not.

Sylus crouches in front of her. His gaze is steady as he waits. A single pale eyebrow raises in disapproval.

“Are you going to disobey?”

She tilts the mug, sweet chocolate coating her tongue, sugar forcing her back to reality.

Tears sting her eyes, and Kit begins to shake.

Sylus takes the mug. He sets it on a side table as she begins to lurch forward, drawing her into his arms.

He holds her tightly as she sobs, shattering apart once more.

At some point, her tears dry up, whether she wants them to or not. Sylus holds out a tissue, although she's not sure where he got the box.

“I got snot all over you,” are the first words out of her mouth.

Sylus snorts. “I know. That's what happens when you bottle things up, kitten.”

Kit closes her eyes tightly. “Not now,” she whispers. He hums a query, and she shakes her head. “I can't- not that one, Sylus.” She chokes up, unaware of the way his eyes widen at the first willing use of his name. “Cay- Caleb is the one who nicknamed me. When we were young. I told him I hated being called Camilla, and he told me that I reminded him more of a cat than a flower. He's the reason I started going by Kitty, and later…” she blew her nose, trying to fight off another wave of sobs. “And later, Kit. He called me Kitty-cat.”

A gentle hand grazes her cheekbone, brushing at the corner of her eye. She opens them to see Sylus’s expression. It's softer than she's ever seen it.

“Okay, sweetie,” he replies soothingly. “I won't use it.”

Kit leans into his touch, into the warmth of his palm, until he's cupping the side of her face. “Not forever,” she whispers. “I like it when you call me that. Just not right now.”

“He meant a lot to you,” Sylus says. It's a question as much as it is a statement, his hand staying in place where she needs it most. The point of contact feels grounding.

Kit nods. “My best friend, the Hunter who's recovering from the explosion, grew up with him like I did. The three of us were thick as thieves.” She laughs bitterly, staring out the attic window into the dark night.

“Everyone had their expectations, I suppose. They all expected Caleb and I would get together. Our feelings never really mattered, our families pushed us into it. His grandma and my father always seemed to have their heads together, as if they were planning our wedding.”

There's an odd flash of something on Sylus's face, something she can't quite discern. Still, he continues to listen. “Did you…have feelings, then?” He asks carefully.

She reaches over and takes the mug. It's lukewarm now, but she doesn't care. It gives her something to hold onto besides him.

“As I said,” Kit continues. “It never really mattered. Caleb and I were pushed together, like dolls in a dollhouse. We started dating in our first year of high school. It continued until…you know. When I was forced into this life.

I think Caleb knew that something was wrong, but by then we'd graduated, and our relationship began to crumble. My dad retired and fucked off on a trip round the globe, and without that constant parental pressure…” Kit sighs. “It was only right before he left for the academy that I realized I'd fallen in love with him somewhere along the way. I…never did learn if he felt the same way.”

“You can't be serious,” she'd said. Caleb sighs, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“I am. Sorry, Kitty-cat. I'll be staying at Grandma's until I leave for the academy. Her health’s declining, and Kiri has finals. Someone's got to watch over her.”

“But you don't want me there,” Kit says. She watches the line of his shoulders tense, his hand flexing against the leather handle.

Caleb doesn't look back. “No. I don't. I'll make up some excuse, tell her you're off doing important things.”

“Why?” She goes to move closer, wincing as her stitches pull. Her last job ended poorly, and she'd suffered quite the punishment as a result.

Thankfully, Caleb doesn't see her pain.

He sighs. “Because…she thinks that we're happy. It's her wish, you know. That you and I end up together.”

That hurts more than the cut on her side. “But you don't want us together. Is that it? Are you…” she hesitates, and pushes through. “Are you happy, Cay? With us?”

He reaches out for the door handle. “We'll talk about it when I get back.”

This time, she lunges forward, grabbing the back of his jacket. “When? When you get back from the Academy? Caleb!”

Finally, that gets a reaction out of him. He yanks away, and it sends her to the floor. Kit gasps sharply, black spots dancing across her vision.

Instantly, he whirls, crouching. Caleb’s expression is full of concern, torn between staying and going. “Shit, are you alright? I didn't mean- Camilla, I'm-” He reaches out, and she flinches. It's instinctual.

It's the first time she's ever seen him heartbroken.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers. “I'll leave.” Caleb rises to his feet.

“Caleb, wait-!” She reaches out, but the door’s already clicked shut behind him, and she hears his footsteps pounding down the outside stairs out of their apartment.

For a long time, she sits there. Her question rings over and over again in her head.

'“Are you happy, Caleb?”'

As the sun sets, the last beams of sunlight struggling through the blinds into the living room, Kit makes up her mind.

By the time night comes, all that remains in the apartment are memories left behind and a letter on his pillow, weighed down by a watch she'd intended to gift him for their anniversary, three days away.

Sylus's hands settle over hers on the mug, drawing her out of memories. “We all have regrets,” he says gently. “What's important is that you live on despite them.”

Kit frowns at that. “How cruel to say that to someone who's grieving.”

He squeezes her hands. “I'd rather be cruel than watch you waste away.” Sylus's tone is firm and reprimanding. “I know it hurts. Believe me, I know. But you have to eat. You have to drink. You have to take care of yourself, ki- sweetie. There are living people who care about you.” Sylus cups her face, making her look up at him. Their eyes meet.

Not for the first time, she feels her heart stutter at the intensity of his gaze, and a sharp pang of guilt accompanies it.

“If you can't find a reason to live without him,” he says, an odd bitterness to his voice, “then live because I forced you to. Make me the bad guy. Scream and fight against me, and hate me for it, as long as it gets you to keep going.”

“I could never hate you,” Kit whispers. Her lips tremble as she tries to hold back her tears. His expression is too open, too raw, as if he's showing her something she's not ready to see. She closes her eyes against it, pressing her face into his palms once more. “I just feel so guilty. Like the story of me and him has finished but someone ripped out pages, so I only got to read the very end.”

“Then write a new one with us,” Sylus replies. “That story’s ended, but it doesn't mean you have to. Don't let grief rot you. If he was anything good for you, he wouldn't have wanted that. And neither do I.”

“And neither do we!” The sound of the twins’ voices startles them both, and Kit looks over her shoulder over the edge of the loft. Luke and Kieran stand below, holding a tray of food. Steam rises up, and the accompanying smell makes her stomach growl loudly.

She blushes.

Sylus sighs exasperatedly. “This was supposed to be a private conversation,” he drawls.

“You were taking too long,” Luke throws back at him. “The food was going to get cold.” Kieran nods in agreement.

Kit and Sylus exchange glances, and he squeezes her cheeks until she squawks offendedly, batting his hands away. His eyes are warm, like melted cherry candy. “Come on, sweetie,” he says softly. “Let's eat.”

Kit looks at them all. Her Mischief and Mayhem, down below.

Sylus, her boss, who seems to always cut through her armor to reveal her tender heart.

She sighs in defeat.

“Alright. Let's eat.”

[itisme-rosie]

-- relief; sirius black, marlene mckinnon, remus lupin x reader (separately) in an au where the war doesn't exist and everyone lives happily ever after and to be in your arms is the relief they need...

cw: fluff!! established relationships for all

masterlist | rules

[ sirius black ]

"you're pacing again," i admonish over my teacup, eyes flickering to the man walking to and fro in front of me, "it's making me feel dizzy just watching you,"

"then pace with me," comes his reply.

i scoff, lowering my teacup to its saucer, "what, and work myself up too which, in turn, will work you up even more? i think one panicky adult is enough in this situation, so i'll pass,"

"i'm not panicky," sirius pouts, pausing in his pacing to look at me sat comfortably on his couch.

"oh, but you are worked up,"

"i'm just worried,"

"sirius, harry is a good kid," i remind him, shifting in my seat, "you and james were the same - sneaking out at this time to spend time doing one thing or another with the rest of your friends, but regardless, he knows how to be safe, he'll be alright,"

my words seem to do nothing to ease his worries and i sigh, lowering my tea to the table, chewing on my lower lip.

"c'mere," i say softly, opening my arms and leaning back against the couch.

that make sirius stop in his tracks, eyes narrowed in confusion, "aren't you worried? what if something happens to him on our watch?"

"come here please," i say again, gesturing for him to come closer and he sighs, walking closer and holding onto my hands, tugging me to stand up before enveloping me in a tight hug and i hear him inhale deeply.

""he'll be fine, love," i murmur, "and of course, i'm worried," i say in a hushed tone, "but this is harry we're talking about, he knows how to protect himself - you, pads, moony, and lily made sure to teach him as much," i pat his head soothingly, "and if he's with ginny, then we really don't have anything to worry about, his parents may well have been expecting him to sneak out to see her,"

"but -"

"it's okay," i pull away to cup his face and pull him into a soft kiss, "have a little faith in him, yeah?"

he sighs deeply, thumbing over the back of my hand as i cupped his face, "yeah, you're right," he kisses my palm, sighing again so i tug him back to the sofa, allowing him to lay on top of me with his head on my chest, eyes finally shutting temporarily.

"rest," i kiss the top of his head, rubbing his back, "i'll wake you up when he gets back,"

[ marlene mckinnon ]

"you -" i glance up, meeting marlene's eyes for the briefest of moments before looking back at the pile of papers on my desk, "- should be asleep already, love, what are you -"

"no,"

i raise my eyebrow the same time my lip quirks up in a half-smile, "come now love, you were drinking for two last night, remember? it's gonna be a while before the hangover potion takes effect,"

she lets out a whine of protest as she makes her way to me, bare feet pitter-pattering against the wood and dropping her head against my shoulder, staying quiet for a while before speaking up again, "it's the weekend, isn't it?"

silence. only the scratching of my quill on the parchment filling the space between us and it takes an impatient tug on my shirt for me to answer with a clear of my throat - albeit a little hesitantly, "yes, it is,"

silence again.

"so why are you working?"

"because i want to get started on next week's load so we can go to that restaurant opening up in diagon alley, i know you'd hate to miss it and i, quite frankly, do not wish to work on that specific day, so i am trying to make up for it now,"

marlene lifts her head, dragging her lips to peck the crook of my neck before leaning her chin on my shoulder. if i focused enough, i could almost completely and perfectly visualize her expression at that very moment. eyebrows furrowed as she tried to make sense of the words on the paper, eyes squinted to limit the light entering her eyes as the sunlight of a new day enveloped my workspace, lips in a pout as she went over every possible option and deciding which one would most probably coax me into her arms.

reaching behind me, i lightly scratch at her scalp with my nondominant hand, not looking away from my work, "marls, honey, if your head still hurts, you should get back to bed, you need to rest - meaning more water and more sleep,"

"i do not need more sleep," she says in a half haughty voice, "i don't need more water, i need you,"

"is that so?" i muse.

"darling," my girlfriend starts warningly, swivelling my chair around til i faced her before sinking to the ground on her knees, wrapping her arms around my calves and leaning her head on my lap which prompted me to run my fingers through her hair with a growing smile, "i am very cross, very cranky, and, as you said..."

i could practically feel her roll her eyes and i smile.

"...in need of rest,"

silence.

"i know, i'm right,"

"and i wasn't finished," she scoffs, snuggling more against my side and sinking to sit on the back of her legs, "and you know how i say i always sleep better beside you, right? well, if you take a break right now, we both get what we want! you, getting me to rest, and me, getting to hold you! it's a win-win! whaddaya say?"

i let out a small half-scoff, half-laugh, lightly scratching her scalp before relenting, "alright," i sigh, laughing harder when her head shot up excitedly.

"really? you mean it?"

"yes, love," i duck my head to peck her lips, "as long as you drink water before we go to bed,"

i have never seen her stand and hobble out of my office to the kitchen that quickly and while hungover before.

[ remus lupin ]

this particular party was indeed very big.

a massive, extra-spectacular party no one else has and could ever pull off again - in the words of one mr. sirius black, of course. not that i could blame him for his flowery words, it was a particularly gruelling quidditch season and gryffindor had won against slytherin.

almost immediately as i entered, i was lost in the crowd of students, pulled away like a floatie out to sea far away from my boyfriend.

i had gotten lost in a conversation and a drink with one of my old friends from another house, and by the time i looked around for a familiar figure - a tall, lanky brunette sandwiched between his friends, i had lost him.

now, with his height, he was like a beacon, my beacon of salvation whenever i get lost in large crowds and it was easy enough to spot him. but when i saw james and sirius on top of a table, drunkenly singing to muggle bands, i knew remus must have retired already.

after all, in a party this big, it was quite easy to miss a few faces. not me, i would have never lost his face. so to the dorms i went, right over to the one he shared with his friends.

it was dark when i peeked in, save the light from a crack in their bathroom door streaming into the room and illuminating the semi-mess of a room the boys shared, so i walk in, shutting the door behind me before knocking on the bathroom door.

"come in," comes remus' voice.

"rem," i call for him softly, lips in a line, eyebrows furrowed in concern when i see him with his legs tucked against his chest in the bathtub. my dear, dear boyfriend sat fully clothed in the bathtub with one of those muggle music players beside him s he sheepishly looks up at me.

"tired already?" i ask softly, sitting on the edge beside him and rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

"a little," he takes my hand to kiss my palm, "sorry 'bout leaving you out there, darling," he murmurs and i shake my head.

"it's alright," i smile a little wider when he kiss up my wrist, "the full moon is 'round the corner and you need to rest,"

tugging lightly on his hand, i attempt to help him stand but he protests, trying to tug me into the empty tub.

"love, it won't be comfortable for you," i say gently.

"just for a little while? please?" remus looks up at me with pleading eyes and i am weak-willed under the force of that stare, so i sigh, ducking to kiss his forehead.

"scoot up then, please,"

his eyes light up just a little, and i smile, kissing the scar on his cheek before sliding into the tub behind him so his back laid against my chest. his knees were bent, my legs were squished uncomfortably, but the weight of him on me, his warmth enveloping me made it all worth it.

i wrap my arms around his shoulders, patting his chest, right over his heart, while the other scratches lightly at his scalp and i start to hum, kissing his hair again.

"i love you," i whisper.

remus relaxes more in my embrace and i just knew he had that stupid, lovestruck grin on his face as whispered the endearment back. and that was alright, because i was smiling just the same way.

[50shadesofoctarine]

HOW TO COMIC: The First Step - Do Your Worst (Literally)

This is how my first sketch for MONKEYS IN SPACE looked.

... Impressive... Right?

But that became this in the refinement process:

(In my opinion) Your first sketch should be an ode to your layout! Put something interesting in every panel! Vary the poses and angles! This isn't about detail, it's about establishing the vectors of focus and drawing attention to the important subjects. My first sketch is only enough to ensure I remember what I wanted to add. Nothing more. This is quick, rough and imperfect. You'll use references later to clean up the mess. You just want the vague positioning so you have somewhere to start actually drawing.

As I've said before, going from a bad something to a good something is infinitely easier than going from nothing to a good something.

Before your pencil hits the page you should know how many panels you want and what action you want to convey in each panel. Use the sketching time to refine and play with ideas.

I have a few rules for myself about how to design panels to reflect the emotional weight of characters and plot. If you want, I can make a guide on what I think about during this phase, but for now, my advice is to just have fun with it. Be adventurous. Try something new. The eraser is your friend.

This excerpt was taken from my Patreon comic tutorials:

@goodomensafterdark

[joesanrio]

Want to see her? | R.R

Summary: The pregnancy was nothing but joy when you announced it, but you did have to leave wrestling for good. But a little visit wouldn’t hurt…

Pairings: Joe Anoa’i x Nova Borbón (OC) || established relationship

Wrestling name: Nova Aracelia

Warnings; Pregnant Nova (8 months), use of real names and wrestling names, mentions: nausea and dizziness, weight gain, slight sadness, mood swings, cravings, and BABYDADDY JOE!!!

Fluff | 16+

A/N: I literally got the idea and immediately started writing. Hope you enjoy xoxo.

———————————————————

“What should I wear?” I huff quietly to myself while looking through my closet, it’s the beginning of summer and I have yet to do my summer shopping spree. Joe walks into the room dressed, but still trying to put his hair in a bun. “Come here, I’ll do it for you.” I request before walking over to him, “No no, you need to get dressed!” He says while swatting my hands away from his hair. “Rude… i don’t even know what to wear.” I pout unintentionally as he walks me back over to the closet.

“Here. Perfect- now go put it on.” He picks out a random item, places it to my torso before handing it to me and leaving. I roll my eyes at him playfully before putting on my dress and sandals, “We gotta go. Come on hot stuff!” Joe yelled for me at the front door. “Okay okay, I’m coming.” I giggle and meet him at the door, we lock the door and head to the car.

Recently, I’ve been dreading riding in cars due to the car sickness I get. “I can’t wait, I’m gonna miss my pregnant Nova though.” He smiles as he places his hand onto my bump, I lean back into the seat nodding as his hand is somewhat easing the nausea I was feeling. “Car sick again?” He asks noticing my slow responses, all I can do is nod and hum an answer for him. “It’s okay! Only 10 more minutes.” He reassured as I grab his hand that was on my bump to hold it.

I didn’t even realize I fell asleep until Joe removed his hand from mine to turn off the car, “Oh- I’m sorry.” I stretch in the enclosed space. “You looked cute.” He gives me a small peck before exiting the car and getting his bags. I grab my purse and get out too, reminding Joe to lock the door before we walk into the building. “I’m so excited to see you in the ring, you’re always so hot.” I exclaim as I clasp my hands together in excitement, walking in the random area we finally find the where the locker room sections are.

“Joe, you think we could get McDonald’s delivered? I mean I can wait but I’m really wanting a 10 piece.” I ask as he looks at me amused, “We rode past like 20 McDonald’s and now you want some?” He chuckled as we walked into dressing hall. “I can wait.. I just thought you would like to hear my idea.” I giggle as he nods and squeezes my hand in his.

“Look at you!” Josh yelled from down the hall, causing Jon to turn and look. I smile excitedly and wave before rushing over, “Damn you the fastest pregnant woman I’ve ever seen.” Josh laughed before giving me a hug. “How you been?” Jon asked after hugging me, “Great! Extra hungry but good!” I smiled as they nodded. “You been feeding her good Uce?” Jon asked Joe before they started cracking up. “Where’s Trin?” I ask Jon, “She in the locker room with Tamina and them.” He points down the hall.

I walk down the hall hearing the locker room getting louder and louder the closer I get. I knock on the door before entering as everyone became shocked and excited. “Ah! Nova- omg look at you!” Trinity shouted as she ran over to hug me, “Hi!” I smile before she let go. “Oh my gosh, you’re glowing.” Tamina says coming up to me, everyone in the room agreeing. “I’m so sad you aren’t here anymore.” Tamina says as she hugs me, “Don’t say that- I cry easily.” I pout before joking.

I sit on the couch beside Trin as we all catch up with everything going on, “Girl- seriously you look so gorgeous.” Mercedes complimented after I explained how I wasn’t feeling good about the added weight from the baby at first. Soon after the boys walked in the locker room with their gear on, everyone speaking at once when they see them.

“Oh snap- it’s about to go down!”

“What’s up?”

“Family against family… cruel.”

“I got money on the Usos.”

I giggle at everyone’s reactions as Joe makes his way over to me. “You okay?” He asks standing by the couch as I nod with a smile. “Oh.. I need to go to the audience!” I remembered before preparing myself to stand up, “Here..I got you.” Joe helping me out my chair. “Aren’t you darling.” Mercedes says in a Jersey accent towards Joe, causing the entire locker room to burst out laughing.

“I’ll see you guys later!” I smile as everyone realized they needed to either start getting ready or had little segments to film. Joe shows me where to get into the audience from the backstage, “Good luck! Be careful.” I wish before giving him a kiss. “I’ll be as careful as I can get!” He jokes before leaving.

[During Match]

“Roman seems to be distracted by something in the crowd!”

“Probably those ‘Roman sucks’ signs are starting to get to him!”

“No no… is that who we think it is?”

“Stop! It’s Nova Aracelia!”

“Omg she’s come out tonight to support her husband!”

The crowd goes wild before the camera pans over to me and I appear on the big screen. I could feel the adrenaline rush after hearing my name and the cheers, but once I smiled and put a thumbs up the camera finally focuses back onto the match.

Watching the match intensely come to an end as the Usos win the match with Roman and his partner retreating. So proud of the guys for putting on a good show, I make my way out the audience with everyone else once the show is over.

Finding my way backstage again heading towards Joe’s locker room, “I can’t, I’m taking her out to McDonald’s.” I hear Joe’s voice as I stand outside the door. “McDonald’s?” The twins question at the same time, “She’s craving it.” Joe clarifies before I knock. “Come in- oh hey Baby.” Joe calls out and realizes it’s me. “You guys were so amazing! I’m so proud!” I high-five the boys as they become excited when hearing my feedback.

“Are you hungry?” I whisper to Joe while sitting on the bench in front him as he stands, “Yeah, don’t worry you guys are going to eat soon.” He sees right pass my question and refers to me and the baby. I smile and nod, “Okay- get me when you’re done. I’m going with the girls.” I say before finding the girls locker room and talking with them again.

“How is total divas Trin?” I ask wanting to know any fun stuff they may be doing, “It’s different without you, they keep wanting me to say that these random girls are my girls but I feel bad because I’m not being genuine.” Trinity explains with air quotes.

I completely understand where she’s coming from because they’re constantly new people that she’s being forced to pretend they have a deeper connection than in reality. “It’s okay babes, I’m here for you and everyone knows that the only girls that’s real are in this room right now.” I encourage as everyone else cheers.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I gotta take her home with me.” Joe knocks before peeking his head in, “No!” Tamina drags out as she pulls me into a hug on the couch. We burst out laughing as Joe rolls his eyes playfully, “I know but the play date is over. And didn’t you mention a 10 piece earlier?” Joe jokes before getting my attention by mention the food I was craving.

I hum as I let go out Tamina and stand up, “Gotta go my babies.” I pout as I hug everyone. “Oh my gosh, he’s literally not going to let us see you for months!” Trinity complains before throwing a small tantrum, causing her and Joe to go back and forth.

“Not true!”

“Yes true!”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh.”

Trinity ending the battle as she shushes him, “I’ll sneak out and see y’all then if I can’t make it with him.” I promise as everyone agrees. “Aw.. when I see you next time, I can’t wait to see her.” Mercedes rubs my bump delicately, “You’ll see me before then.” I smile before hugging her one more time. I wish the girls a Goodnight before Joe and I head to the car.

“Are we actually getting McDonald’s?” I ask while buckling my seatbelt, “Of course.” Joe says before pulling me into a kiss. I could feel it getting a bit intense causing me to pull away, “Come on baby, drive.” I giggle as looks at me in awe. “One more?” He begs as he sticks out his lips, “After McDonald’s.” I negotiate as he nods and turns the car on.

[system-of-a-feather]

Re-establishing Baseline Plan

Since moving, I've (completely understandably and expectedly) had my baseline kinda fucked (did not help by with financial stress + job incompatibility + ear infection + really bad post ear infection cold + probable norovirus in literally one month) and so I've been really overloaded, stressed, and just in a place of mostly survival mode where most of my energy is focused on maintaining my mental and physical state in the easiest manners possible

I have been holding up well all things considered and have set up for a probably more compatible job + my fiance has managed to get a job again that he feels will probably work out well for him and I have at least like a week off between jobs to reorientate myself

So to take a good and active effort to make the best of this time, I want to make a plan to set myself up for success. I actually do this every so often when I really need to pick myself up (historically Lucille would usually do it but pros of being basically fully integrated is that I am Lucille as well as me) and I figured it would be a neat thing to display and demonstrate here cause I'd end up making it *anyways* so why not share with the class

If anyone likes this, yall can borrow it ^^

-----

Question One: What current coping skills and hobbies am I currently doing and trying with my time? Are they affective and would I like to change them?

Art, Drawing, Character Design, Art Fight Prep, Story Planning and Writing

This is one of the easiest and most reliable positive coping mechanisms and has gotten me through the majority of the month mostly on it's own. Compared to other coping mechanisms, this one is almost always something I can drag myself to do or at least ask someone to supervise me to make sure I do it when I feel I need some sort of self care. It serves greatly as an alternative when I find that I am doing maladaptive coping that I would rather not do and when in doubt, it has access to some level of social engagement should I feel I need that. With that being said, having relied largely on this for a month, this is suffering diminishing returns and starting to lead to general lack of inspiration and so diversification from this coping mechanism would be ideal

Weekend Gym Trips

This is actually a really good way for me to release energy, give myself space and time to think, and just feel better moving and existing in my body. It also mandates time for me to listen to music and serves a meditative purpose. That said, I have only been doing this on Saturdays and only once on Sunday and I would like to expand that to be at least 3 times a week or at least more spaced out.

Reading Semi Regularly

This is a new habit and coping I picked up and its actually really good! It provides a unique sense of calm when I need it. Unfortunately I've started to drop off the past week due to general stress and illness, so I think its important to return to this. Perhaps set a general goal of "every other day" rather than every day to lessen the pressure.

Video Games

This was helpful but lately I have been not motivated to play anything and I believe its been burnt out. I think it would be good to resume this but it is currently impractical to force at the moment until overall wellness has returned.

TV with Boy

This is helpful but unforunately nothing seems to interest either of us to watch right now. (cri life is hard /lh)

Board Games with Boy

This is a new one and has actually been very nice. That said, it isn't always available and dependent on my fiance's ability to have the energy, time and interest to play them, particularly since I know he is less interested in board games than me. It is good to maintain the interest and offer, but not a coping skill to become reliant on.

Question Two: What sorts of things that I am currently not doing do I know tend to define behaviors, habits, hobbies, and interests that are done when I am out of survival mode and genuinely enjoying life?

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

Engagement in Exploration and just independent travels without individuals

Engagement and interest in occasionally reaching out to Buddhist environments

Producing art work for the story that is more developed and inspired rather than "quick" or "reference" focused - actually focusing on the creative and artistic expression rather than the practical expression

Increased social circle communication irl beyond my online bestie, fiance, and online friend group chat; reaching out to individuals and developing new irl friendships

Question Three: Which of those hobbies do I think could be the most reasonable and easy to meet sooner than later (even better if I can make steps to start that right now / today)? In what ways could I make steps to make those first changes and help set myself up for success on expanding my engagement with life beyond survival mode?

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

While I am not extensively motivated in any manner to watch anything in particular, I am starting to randomly get a lot of bleach related stuff on my youtube and I have been meaning to watch TYBW arc. I have been postponing it because of arbitrary "I wanna read the manga first" and just general other excuses, but realistically those are putting up barriers that I may not get to at this rate and currently I could just use something I'm somewhat interested in to give me some independent relaxing engagement. I think I can set the goal of actually watching Bleach TYBW at least an episode a day starting either today or tomorrow and see if that can bring a momentum and habit into actually being able to watch things that interest me on my own.

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

I can probably actually take my violin back out. The guitar would probably be better but for whatever reason I feel that my brain thinks that would require more - for a lack of better word - work, so I think I can at least try to find time this week to at least play a little bit of my violin.

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers + "increased social irl connection [...]"

I can reach out and text my new irl birding connections to see if they are interested; if not I can at least plan to take a birding trip later

Engagement in Buddhist Stuff

I know there is an area I've been thinking of visiting that has free english services on Tuesday, I can make plans to go there that day, particularly since my Fiance should be working for the first day then anyways.

Question Four: What are additional goals and check points that we would like to try to bring us closer to the life style that we know tends to support a thriving mental state and life satisfaction rather than one of survival?

Independent Travels

During the time I have, I can keep in mind this goal and if I have down time think of potentially interesting and alternative places to go to explore; additionally I can plan birding trips to places I have not yet checked out.

Increased Social IRL Connection

It is dependent on if my now-ex-coworker still is interested, but I can follow up and see if we want to still play board games; if not I think potential more ways to reach out will be more viable to plan once a higher level of baseline is established; potentially see if there are any in person DnD groups around that I could make a habit of going to or any martial art dojos that we can afford

More Inspired Art

I think this is something that will come with time between lessening the burn out of my current art-as-a-coping mechanism goal as well as actually engaging in more media and independent interests as to gain more inspiration.

Question Five: Summarize the Key Points and Plans Discussed in This into a Bullet Points of Take Aways

Modifying Current Coping:

Diversify and lean off of using art as a main coping mechanism; give that one a break

Attempt to go to the gym more frequently or at least space it out more throughout the week

Continue reading; lessen the ideal to every other day in case demand pressure is adversely affecting it

Keep an open interest in playing board games with fiance

Changes I Want To Make Soon:

Start watching Bleach TYBW w/ at least one episode a day

Bring out my violin and try to at least play with it for one hour this week

Reach out to new bird peers to see if they want to plan a birding trip sometime, if not then plan one independently

Make plans to go to that place on Tuesday for the open Buddhist service

Changes to Keep an Eye Out For:

Opportunities to go somewhere new randomly for no particular reason or goal in mind other than to just see whats around us

Spoons and time availability to see out places to expand our irl social circles

Inspiration for art in general

Question Six: Set for Regular Follow Ups to Check Progress

Isn't tumblr's queue / schedule function super neat for this

[vyl3tpwny]

parasocial2, or, the complications of my social anxiety + growing self + motivation & stress management amidst all these things.

a while ago i wrote on here about parasocial relationships and things of the sort. it was an unorganized ramble, and so this will be also.

Growing Self

something i have to live with is that in my past, i have been an excruciatingly unbearable, egomaniacal cunt. honestly i still have anger issues sometimes. and a lot of the time i take everything EXTREMELY personally. but at least i understand these things about myself better now.

i have a hard time pushing people away or giving space to myself because sometimes i feel like i owe everyone my personal space. like i don't deserve personal space because of how much of a massive bitch i've been; the baggage i've created for myself and the pain i've inflicted on other ppl means that i should have to sell my personal space out to everyone and anyone who asks for it, avoiding risk of being seen as an asshole for pushing people away and asking for space alone.

and yet i find it hard to do anything sometimes. i will wake up to 400 notifications of people asking me high executive or personal questions, needing my help or opinion with something, trying to show me something that i don't have the energy to respond to, and stuff. because of this thing i am and live with, i continue to feel like i have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out something meaningful to say. it takes so much time and willpower and by the end of it i just don't feel like doing anything anymore. it kills my ability to work or go do things or go outside or talk to anyone i actually want to talk to.

it sucks. because there are (a.) a handful of people i could probably talk to every day and it's fine; there are maybe like 15-20 people who fit this category. there is another (b.) sect of people, a very large amount of people, who i can handle speaking to occasionally. then there are (c.) people who i don't know, don't want to know, or used to know. i've labeled them accordingly.

B.

with the people in group ".b", ppl i can only rlly talk to occasionally, it's hard because usually these people are friends or acquaintances and i enjoy the company of sometimes and i can find something to talk about with sometimes. however, usually i do not have the energy to talk to them. i often have a status indicator on my discord, for example, stating that i only want to speak to people i have business with or are very close friends. people in group ".b" tend to be the first and most frequent trespassers of this request. it's very hard to disengage with these conversations or messages because i don't want to hurt their feelings, and it's not like i dislike these people. but a very very very VERY large percentage of people i think don't actually understand how i am.

i have always been someone who values being alone. of course, i couldn't live in isolation i think. but i've always valued just being by myself. i go out most places alone and i will often not participate in any social activity for days, weeks at a time. i think the best when i'm alone and i usually start thinking the most creatively when i'm alone.

so to people in group ".b", it's hard to really establish: "I want to be alone most of the time, don't talk to me", without it seeming like a negative thing. it's not that i don't care or that i dislike these people. i just get overwhelmed and sensory overload easily. and when i'm waking up to over a hundred messages, i don't feel extremely motivated to find the energy. i find it hard to ask for that, especially because of how it can be perceived negatively in light of how toxic i have been in the past as well. idk.

C.

but then there are people in group ".c". people i don't know. people i don't want to know. and people i used to know. that's kind of broad. but they all feel the same to me. this is where it's less about social anxiety and more about perceiving the parasocial construct in front of me.

something i struggle with, among all other things, is why? why constantly vie for the attention of someone who doesn't want to talk to you. what joy is there in seeking a one-sided relationship? it confuses me profoundly. if i speak to someone and they don't return the same enthusiasm or level of interaction, i just leave them alone after that. i'm not going to try and be friends with someone who has other things to do and other friends to be with. so why is it that it feels constantly like there are people who want to call me their 'friend' and want to seek out a connection with me when i'm not reciprocating that in any way. i especially don't feel like the most unique, interesting person in the world. if i'm not interested in connecting, i'm sure there are way more interesting people than me to even talk to. so why does it have to be me? i'm just a person.

anyway. it gets very difficult to disengage with people in group ".c". again, part of it is because i'm overly aware of how i can come across, especially given my past toxicity. however, with these people it gets much more complicated. often i find that the people who form parasocial interests in me also happen to be people who a predisposition to hurt themselves and sometimes those around them. i still struggle with the trauma of someone who faked their suicide and blamed me for just not talking to them even though i didn't know them at all. so not only do i feel the need to delicately balance not upsetting people in group ".c" because they may guilt trip me over what i've grown out of, i'm also afraid of them hurting themselves or hurting other people.

to the people who aren't in the extreme ends of that. it's still difficult because a lot of the times i will openly express my social (or lack thereof) needs very transparently. and they will still continue to try and reach me. i don't really know what else to do, because if i block them it will seem so much more drastic and upsetting, because the people in this group tend to not want to think in any neutral or balanced sense.

there are people who i have ignored the messages of for quite literally several years. and they will still message me consistently as if unreciprocated message 70 is going to prompt me to finally respond.

There is No Middle Horse

I do everything. I write, compose, arrange, perform (vocals and instruments), produce, mix, and master all of my music.

I do all my management. There is nobody who manages for me.

I do all of the utility work that comes with being a public musician entity.

There is no middle horse.

And I will not compromise that just to solve these parasocial and social anxiety issues.

still i feel the need to either deal with or humour every whim of people in group ".b" and group ".c", just to avoid coming off as an asshole and to avoid people hurting themselves and others. i don't really know how to solve this honestly. other than just ignoring people or communicating my needs openly, i don't see any other route.

the fact remains that i have been a cunt in the past. i have been extremely toxic and caustic. therefore, i see that part of myself when i consider blocking someone or desiring to make my needs clear and my boundaries transparent. dunno.

i'm extremely tired. and my energy is sucked out by people in groups ".b" and ".c". to the point where i never get to hang out with people in groups ".a" much anymore, the people i really really want to be around and talk to. i want to have energy to actually talk to my friends. but i don't. i'm busy selling my soul i think.

i am slightly antisocial. but mostly i'm tired and like being on my own.

honestly i'd like to know what other people think. and i am in therapy for this and many other things now. but it helps to know what other people think anyway.

sorry this sucks!

[stayandot8]

Come With Me

Genre: angst from Part One turning to fluff

Relationship type: established boyfriend/girlfriend

Important Contents: Part 2 of Stay With Me. More proof that I will do absolutely anything if someone asks 😂 Anon, I hope you enjoy this and I hope it's what you had in mind.

WC: 2.9k

Part One l masterlist

“Pack your stuff for a weekend. I’m kidnapping you.”

I couldn’t help my grin as Chris stared at me and my intrusion in his room. His face contorted from shock to confusion the longer I stared back, unmoving and tapping my foot expectantly. 

“What?” He didn’t move, blankly staring at me. 

“I know it’s early, but your brain should be catching up by now. I’m kidnapping you and taking you away to an undisclosed location. Don’t worry, we’re not leaving the country.” I sauntered over to his closet to grab his duffel bag and put it on his bed. “Now start packing before I do it for you and all you can find in your bag are socks.” He smirked at me as he followed me, stopping my movements with a grab at my arm. He whirled me around to face him, drawing his face closer to mine. His breath tickled my nose.

“You know I love being naked around you.” My breath hitched, his voice sending chills down my spine. I missed him like this, playful and cheeky. He had started to return to himself bit by bit. Before I could let it take over fully, I tried to remember my goal for the day. 

“Not when you’re covered in sunburn.” He stepped away from me to look over my features, searching for any hints I was unknowingly giving.

“Sunburn? Are we going to the beach?!” I shrugged, the corner of my lip twitching up as I stepped out of his immediate vicinity towards his door. 

“My car is downstairs. You’ve got ten minutes. And if I see your laptop in your bag, I’m throwing it in the ocean!”

***

“You drag me out of my house away from my kids to an undisclosed location. The least you can do is stop for snacks.” He turned his whole body to face me from the passenger seat, making his eyes go wide and prepared to beg. Little did he know he didn’t have to. 

“Save your puppy eyes for the inevitable argument over who’s cooking dinner tonight. We’re stopping anyways. You think I’m spending a prolonged amount of time in a car with you and not feeding you? What kind of girlfriend would that make me?” I pulled into a parking space in front of convenience store, grabbing my wallet before getting out. As soon as we had pulled in however, Chris had practically sprinted out of the car and into the store with a child-like excitement returning to his face. I sighed, shutting the car door and following my toddler into the fluorescent-lit store.

I roamed through the aisles, browsing through my different options of chips, snack bars, and candy until I saw someone come to my aisle holding so many bags I couldn’t see his face, I moved so he could pass in front of me, minding my business.

“I don’t know how far we’re going so I got everything.” The familiar voice made me do a double take. 

“Chris, you couldn’t eat that much if you tried.” I shook my head, trying to stifle my laughter as I continued looking for myself. He dropped everything in his hands onto the floor in a loud crash. I widened my eyes to find him jutting out his bottom lip in a pout and faux angry face. 

“I could too.” He crossed his arms and stomped his foot.

“Oh my god, you really are five. I will buy everything in your arms if you pick it all up now.” I grabbed the nearest bag of candy that suited my fancy while Chris heeded my offer, picking up the plastic bottles and bars he had and followed me to the front, not seeing the smile fighting its way onto my lips. 

He stopped at the glasses tower while I waited in line, somehow managing to transfer his haul to me. He looked over the stand carefully, as if contemplating which to wear on the runway. He snatched a hot pink pair with white hearts all over it, clearly a child’s size, and wrestled it over his ears. 

“What do you think?” His face deadpanned to look as serious as he could while sporting them.

“I love them, I do. But I think there’s something that wouldn’t give you a headache if you wore them too long.” He scrunched his face in disappointment, taking hte glasses off and placing them back where they went. He continued, pausing every once in a while to take another pair off the tower and look them over. He had disappeared where I couldn’t see him. I had neared the front of the line and just as I was about to call for him, he appeared again. He had found a dark blue pair with cartoon flames of orange and yellow. They were also clearly made for someone younger, but he now had the biggest smile. A smile that radiated from his joy. A smile that could only appear if he was happy. A smile I hadn’t seen for a while. 

“I found another one too.” He showed off the second pair he was holding. I couldn’t contain it any longer. His joy was infectious. 

“Perfect.”

Back in the car and officially on the road, I let Chris eat his snacks and scroll through his phone for about ten minutes before I told him the rules for this trip.

“Did you tell everyone about this trip but me?! Changbin just said ‘have fun’ with a winky face and he won’t say any more.”

“Okay, that’s enough of that. Stop trying to ruin it” I reached for his phone and dropped it into my bag in the seat behind him. 

“Hey!” Chris’s eyes were large in shock at what I had dared do, his smile growing ever so slowly. I pulled mine from the pocket between our seats and handed it to him. 

“Open my music and find the playlist called Sunroof Vibes and play it.” 

“What’s your password?” I couldn’t believe he didn’t know already. Had I really not told him until now? I felt the corners of my mouth twitch. 

“Your birthday.” I felt him snap his head towards me. I forced my eyes to stay on the road but I couldn’t miss the flash of his teeth as he giggled to himself. 

“My password is yours. The kids always tease me for it all the time.” The blush was evident on both of our cheeks as a comfortable pause settled on us. He scrolled through my phone and tapped something and a familiar tune started to play through my car speakers. “I don’t think I know this one.” He started to bob his head in time to the beat, looking straight through the windshield to the open road. 

“I made this when I was planning for this trip. It should be full of songs you don’t know. To keep you entertained.” I gave him a pointed look for a second and he rolled his eyes. He bent to search through the bag of snacks before pulling out a particularly huge lollipop. He unwrapped it and stuck it in his mouth, making an overexaggerated noise of contentment as he slouched back in his seat and brought his legs to wrap his arms around. He continued to shake his shoulders in time with the music as he stared out the window, his smile proof that I had the cutest boyfriend ever.

***

Two hours later, we pulled into the seaside city where our getaway was to take place. The city was smaller, less stores and hustle and bustle around. Once we entered the neighborhood, a street as far as the eye could see with small cottages of varying shapes, sizes, and colors all lining the streets with the beach just on the other side. The sun was high in the sky, beaming down and warming the sand and the water, waiting and inviting us to relax our troubles away. The instant release of tension from Chris’s shoulders as we arrived told me I knew him as well as I thought. He loved the beach as much as I did and now I could show him that I did indeed know him, in case he ever had any doubt. 

When he sat up in the passenger seat, it was to watch the houses pass by, naming them as we drove by. 

“They’re all puns, baby, look! That one says ‘Sun of the beach’ and that one with the yellow roof says ‘Girls just wanna have sun’ and that one says ‘Happy as a clam’. I want a beach house so I can name it something like that.”

“I fully support that dream.” I had to chuckle to myself, his excitement contagious. Even though I knew where we were going. The long road turned from paved to loose gravel, the houses getting farther apart. We were moving from the more populated area to the place where the locals usually stayed when the weather got warmer. Each cottage had about a quarter mile of space around them, most of them directly on the beach itself. One could walk from the descending steps right to the water. Coincidentally, this was where our cottage was. 

I pulled the car into a driveway of paved cement, the carport directly under the seafoam green house and the stairs to the upper deck and house to the immediate left. There was a little wooden crow’s nest, a place to watch the water from above everything, on top. That would be the best place to watch the sun settle down for the night. The sign with the cottage name was Chris’s favorite part though.

“‘Aloha beaches’?! That’s my favorite so far.” He said in wonder as he opened his door and walked around to the trunk to grab his bag and pillow for the night. He started up the stairs and disappeared, his steps creaking above me as I grabbed the rest of the belongings. I grabbed the keys from the lock box and trudged up the wooden stairs. 

He had dropped his stuff at his side while he waited and was staring at the sea, letting the breeze toss his curly hair every which way. His vision had gone distant as he stared out at the rough waters, his features gone soft with his leaning on the railing. This was how I liked to watch him. He looked so at peace with himself, with the world. No one was bothering him, no one demanding him to do this or work on that, no work to bury himself in. When he was alone with his thoughts like this, the quiet moments like this were what made me fall for him in the beginning. This was what he needed. What I needed for him. 

Letting him be alone as he wanted, I reached for his things and unlocked the sliding glass doors to enter our home for the next two days. The first room had a cozy feel about it, being smaller than expected but fully furnished with a plush couch and a television. A bookstand of games of every type stood in the corner, and a picnic table sat next to the kitchen, painted a yellow years ago and had withered with age and use and love. The kitchen with its wooden cupboards and dull wallpaper whispered ‘come, use me. Get comfortable’. The pictures on the website didn’t do it justice. I chose well. 

Down the hallway, there were picture frames on the beige walls full of pictures of seashells and waves, some drawings or paintings and others photos. I stopped to evaluate each, thinking they complimented the place well. Three doorways were scattered along the skinny hall, one leading to a bathroom, one to a bedroom, and another leading to the wooden nest on top of the house. I peeked into the bathing room, seeing more of the pictures of shells along the bright blue along with a pink shower curtain. Fuzzy pink rugs strewn across the floor tied the small room together. 

The bedroom was my second favorite place. More bright blue walls but with pictures of the sand instead of shells. The bed was large, big enough for each of us to have our own space. The comforter was an off-white and tucked into a decorative pillow at the head. A dresser and nightstand completed the room. It was simple but not large enough to feel formal. It was perfect. 

The sound of the sliding door closing brought me out of my adventurous spirit. Chris’s voice called to me from the front room as I put down our bags on the bed.

“Oh my god, they have Uno! We are so playing that tonight!”  He joined me in looking at the different rooms until he caught up with me. “Oh I like this room. And this bed is so big I don’t have to worry about you clinging to me.” He ran his hands over the blanket as he joked. 

“Excuse me?! You’re the Aussie, you’re the koala. You cling to me like your life depends on it and I have seven other people who would back me up on that.” He looked at the ceiling, trying not to laugh at my retort. Mainly because he knew it was true. I grabbed his hand and intertwined it with mine as I dragged him with me back out to the hall. “Let me show you the best part.” We followed the last door up its small staircase and emerged in the little wooden nest. The wooden railing came up to our waist with a bench built in on either side of the rectangular space. The open air around us came straight from the sea, the sound of the water more prominent up here. Our hands still connected, he brought me to the side closest to the water. 

“Let’s eat up here tonight, hm? I think that’s just what we need.” He simply nodded, still looking longingly out at the water. “Come on, let’s go sit in the sand.” That was when he sprinted down the stairs without me and I heard the door slam behind him as he ran towards the water. My laughter was loud, watching his feet kick up sand. He paused when he realized I wasn’t behind him. 

“Come on!” He shouted up at me. 

I grabbed a volleyball on my way down from a side closet in the carport below and spotted a small grill and smirked as the idea blossomed in my mind. I knew what I was getting for dinner. 

The feeling of the sand between my toes was liberating. Watching him sit down and run it through his fingers like a child discovering it for the first time settled something deep within me. I approached him and sat down, only giving him an inch of space between us. 

“What’re you thinking about? You’ve staring at the water every chance you get, all solemn like.” He smiled out at the water, not quite meeting my eyes. 

“Being out here reminds me of home. Makes me think of how small I am in the grand scheme of things here on this planet. He would’ve wanted me to take advantage of my time here, making sure whatever mark I leave on this earth is a good one. I want whoever I become to be someone he could be proud of.”

“He would be proud, Chris. I know he would be.” I nudged his shoulder, already warm from the summer sun. “For what it’s worth, I know I am. Everything you do makes me proud. I know my opinion doesn’t really matter, but-”

“It matters.” He had suddenly gotten so serious, staring striaght into my soul as he interrupted me. “Your opinion means everything to me.” I smiled down at my feet to get away from his eyes and their searing gaze. 

“I’m terrified of the things I would do for you. I don’t think you realize how deep this shit goes for me. You mean everything to me and I truly don’t know what I would do without you. You’re…it for me. I can’t see myself with anyone else.” My turn to stare at the vast crystal blue. 

“I know. I feel the same way. I wouldn't have gotten through it like I did without you. I never want to find out what my life would be like without you.” He tilted my chin to look at him, his simple upturn of his mouth enough to make me melt. 

“You play your cards right and you’ll never find out. Now let’s play some volleyball before we go to the store so I can pick out what meat you’re grilling for me.”

“Oh, I’m grilling for you now? I thought this was my vacation!” He snatched the ball from my other side as he stood and started walking to put some distance between us. 

“How about this? If I can set it to you and you can hit it to where I can’t get it, I’ll cook. But if you can’t, not only are you grilling but you’re paying too.” I raised my brows in defiance of him. 

“What?! How is that fair?” He protested. 

“It’s not!” I said as I slammed the ball towards him. He dove in the sand, missing it but just barely. My fit of giggles was instant as he glanced my way and shook his head.

“Okay, I see how it is. You’re in for it now.” He chased after the ball that went behind him. 

Needless to say his wallet got more of a workout than he did.

[softcitrus2345]

Hello! This may sound a bit weird, but do you have any advice or recommendations on getting into this niche? I've kind of been watching from afar on several blogs, and I really want to try and test the waters! But I'm not really sure how to go about it, and I'm super scared that I'll end up just talking to a brick wall, having my mutuals find out, or have people ridicule me :')

Thank you for any and all help - I love your art!! Been hanging around for a while now and the progress you've made is so cool

- Clueless Anon

Oh I totally getcha! That's not a weird question at all! /gen /pos

Starting out with this kinda thing is really difficult, I know from experience. It took me months to hype myself up enough to even create this blog, let alone start posting on it, and I had (and still kinda do) those same fears you expressed, they're all very valid but hopefully what I share can help a bit with making your experience more manageable :3

The information I'll share here consists of opinions based on my personal experience posting on this blog, and getting into the belly kink community in general

I'll break it up into steps from what I sorta did when I started out so it makes a bit more sense.

STRUCTURE YOUR BLOG - Make an introduction post with general information about what to expect from your blog, and some other information about yourself if you want to. I like to include a few other things like some of my hard boundaries and leave it as a PINNED POST so that anyone who comes across your account will see this information

BLOCK YOUR MUTUALS - I have the same exact fear of being "found out" by people im close to or just know outside of this space, so once you set up the bare essentials on your blog, look for your mutuals accounts and block them. If you think a mutual of yours might have a blog but you're not sure, ask them! (Something I did was I asked my mutuals to send me their blogs so I could check them out when in reality it was so I could do this exact thing) Don't see blocking as something inherently malicious or bad, it's just a protective measure and a way to curate your experience on the internet in a way that is comfortable for you!

INTERACT WITH YOUR FELLOW ARTISTS! - I know it may not seem like something super important, but interacting with other artists is a very good way to establish yourself in the community, reblogging, tagging and replying to posts you like with nice comments have the potential for others to check out your blog or interact with you as well! I got lucky enough that I found similar communities outside of Tumblr beforehand, but it's still an effective way to get yourself out there and seen!

START POSTING! - Besides my intro post, my first post was something that I wanted to curate in a way that would encourage conversation. I shared several of my ocs that I planned on posting here and some basic information about them, and opened up asks! It's always gonna be a pretty slow start, but as long as you put the time into your work and are passionate about what you want to share, people will find your stuff! It's hard sometimes, especially when comparing yourself to others is such a common thing for people to deal with (including myself sometimes) but everyone's gotta start somewhere!

Starting out anywhere is difficult in itself, but with things like this that are more sensitive subjects for people, I completely understand your uncertainty and nervousness about sharing this kind of content online. But as long as you're not hurting anyone or sharing harmful content, I don't see why people should be so stinky about others just trying to explore different parts of themselves and their interests.. Kinks shouldn't inherently be seen as something to be ashamed of just because someone doesn't understand it. I've been lucky enough to have close friends in this community who have helped me become more comfortable with myself and with sharing my chonky art, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

I'm flattered you came to me for advice, I hope some of that can help you on your journey, and thank you for sticking around for so long, it means a lot to have your support ;;w;; 💖

I hope things go well for you! I'm cheering you on anon!!