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opinated-user · 2 years ago

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factchecking LO about her fatphobia

wrote her weight on her bio as a trivia fact. the bio very distastefully also makes a point to point that this (the only human plus sized character she has ever even touched) is the "heavist" she has made, only after a woman full of metal that doesn't exist on the same universe.

no other character in all pokemadhouse has their weight being given such an attention like this. no other character on any of her other project that i can remember right now had weight as part of their description at all. LO felt that mattered somehow only when the character was plus sized. in fact, it was important to know her weight and she was only the second heaviest character that LO wrote which... means actually nothing, considering all her other characters have basically the exact same body type, only discounting the very few buff ones who all look the same between each other anyway. read the first line too: the only reason Lacy exist as a character was because of spite and then LO has never done anything with this character again. i didn't even know what was the name of this character and i had to search for her, since LO has conveniently deleted the wiki from the sidebar on her attempt to ignore Violate and all the criticism it brought. i just had a vague memory of seeing another plus sized character somewhere, which stand out a lot when LO has never written anything like and hasn't since then.

to clarify: i never said that it was wrong to use the word heavyset to describe a character. i said that word shouldn't have been applied to Marah because it's definition has nothing to do with how marah is drawn. a heayset is supposed to refer to a character that is especially large because of a strong build. not marah, who only has hips and slighty thicker arms than everyone else. but it's interesting that LO feels so attached to that word to describe the only plus sized character who has appeared for more than two panels, even if it doesn't really apply.

nobody can look at this panel and think that the pokemon is supposed to be a "big girl". you can only fault MO's art so far because at the end of the day, nothing of what she draws gets done without LO's approval. this is a consistent issue with marah's proportions being all over the place, for one, and never being as "big" as LO make it sound like should be. why does this feel like she's trying to gaslight the audience about this? btw LO actually did what she set up to do. i went to confirm.

(i noticed too that carousel is not included as best friend on the list of LO, just MO... and yet LO still wants to use her to defend herself against claims of fetishizing black women. but that's not the point of this post.) LO didn't double down on this one and actually changed something. i appreciate that. good on her for taking note, even if she didn't actually adressed the issue. it would have been even better if she had never bring up her weight in the first place because it was entirely unnecesary and gross but i'll take what i can get. that is one point down.

2. how about calling marah "a round curse"? that's still there.

LO... likes to use very descriptive words when it comes to marah, doesn't she? she's a heavyset, she's a big girl, she's round. it doesn't matter if those words don't all mean the same thing or don't apply at all, LO wants them there. why is that? for the record, i'm not intending to imply any active conscious malice on any of this. it just feels to me like LO likely has some unadressed bias against fatness and that's why she can't bring herself to do anything else but this: think about their weight, words to describe how big they're, make "jokes" about them being round, comments about how heavy they are compared to everyone else. i do think she actually can't help herself without first adressing this bias she has. fatphobia is so normalized and there's so many misconceptions about it that requires active work to stop making those associations the second you see a person that is not skinny. once again, this is about a character that is entirely separate to how she's herself is portrayed so we can't really blame any ED on this. this is about how she's treating plus sized representation and characters that she herself made trying to create that representation, on Lacy's case intentionally so.

LO very conveniently turned anon on again to send herself excuses for why she never says anything positive about "bigger girls". it's because everyone else is so unfair and LO can't risk it. she never saying anything positive about plus sized character or people is entirely the fault of everyone else, not her that has any very obvious and clear preference for skinny bodies. this is what rubs me the wrong way about LO making a huge deal about how she find "every body" attractive, and yet everything she does reveals where her true preferences are. i don't care about her preferences, it's the lying that gets frustrating to witness and her praising herself over finding "every kind of body" beatiful feels self-serving more than sincere. (btw people, including black people, were calling her out for fetishization because of her comments about how black skin was "inherently interesting" and could have improved a character she didn't like, plus at least one comic where rey has crushes exclusively on black women. as a response to the accusations LO brought up one of her exs, a black woman she's not even on friendly term anymore given all the signs LO has provided, as some kind of evidence of "i can't be racist, i had a black girlfriend!" there's more but that was the bulk of it.) (the response that MO made on that same post was disgusting but not the point of this post) i mentioned this on my other entries but to reiterate: even if LO had expressed she was attracted to a "bigger girl" that still wouldn't mean anything about she being fatphobic or not, just like dating one black woman doesn't mean that she can't be racist. the fact that LO think it does speaks volumes about how she can't view people outside of herself as people first and objects of desire second. they have to be turned into objects of desire because she can't imagine accepting people and celebrating their existance on any other way. if the only time you can say something positive about someone is when you're personally attracted to them... that's where the accusations of fetishism come from. because that's literally fetishization.

this is just a lie, the kind that LO loves to make when she wants to deflect criticism. i dare anyone to look all over my blog and try to bring back to me any line where i even implied that. if you do find it i'll be sure to adress it immediately. i can bring you myself this in the meantime.

you can read the rest of the post yourself:

as a sidenote: nobody brings marah's "proportions" more than LO does when talking about marah at all. the line she choose to describe her on her own bio was a "round curse", that is the very first thing anyone will see when look at the bio's page and the one you'd assume was the most important thing to know about her. as far as LO's concerned, the fact she's "round", a "heavyset", a "big girl" is a lot more important for you to know as a reader than know about her personality, her interests or even her own history. (side sidenote: after being described as "heavyset", she's described as a sympathetic harasser who doesn't understand boundaries and doesn't care either, which is still gross and a bad character trait that seems like LO brought back from her pinkiepie's stockholm.) LO made an issue about marah not being skinny before anyone else did, before i ever made my post. it only got worse when i started looking more into pokemadhouse and saw how the other plus sized character was treated as well.

#lily orchard #lily orchard is fatphobic

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yellow-lemon-lime · 1 year ago

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Omg yes? honestly? Sorry for upcoming rant but, sign me the fuck up!

I have seen some people who have gained weight, and while I'm not going to mention any names, I will say though, that, when looking back at their old photos, I can't help but think how much better, happier and healthier, they look now, than when they were thin

I'll even use myself as an example. I was at a normal weight (BMI wise lol) up until my 24th year, when I started working at a job that required a lot of sitting down, and because I wasn't doing any exercise at that time, my weight started going up rapidly. But hell if I cared!

I am one of those daughters, who was blessed with a 'caring' dad, who kept calling me fat (I wasn't fat), and that I would be unhappy and nobody would love me and blah blah blah. I know from reading other posts on tumblr, that for some other people, those comments triggered EDs

Now I never have had an ED, but for me it had other consequences. Like I would buy clothes that were 3 times my size, because that's what I thought I needed (when I really didn't). And I remember in French class we had to write a poem about ourselves, and I wrote that I was "a little fat" (which I still wasn't)

Fast forward to when I went into my prodromal phase and first signs of psychosis. I was still thin (at some point I got even thinner because of some boy, lol) my psychoses went on for 10 years (thanks to the stigma and idea of what "real schizophrenia" looks like)

but in the meantime whilst being actively psychotic/schizophrenic I put on a lot of weight, like 30-40 kg (too european to look up what that is in pounds, sorry) and most of my weight gain, was caused by anxiety eating, and not moving my body enough. Was I unhappy? Yes, but was it my weights fault? Nope, it was my illness, which btw started when I was 16 and thin

Now I'm like 100 something kg (still too european, sorry) and my schizophrenia is in remission, and I'm fat, and happy.

Oh, and I look at photos of myself from like 10 years ago, and I go, 'I was was way too thin back then'

Should I lose weight? Yes, because being fat, does have its health problems for me, but should I do it, to be 'happy'? Heck no! Besides if losing weight was the key to happiness I would have needed to lose weight when I was already at an alarmingly low weight.

The only issue I have with myself today, is while I know I'm fat, I'm literally not able to physically see it, nor am I able to give a fuck when even a doctor points it out. Guess my dad's comments on my normal weight, backfired.

(I did have a weight loss fad back in like 2020, but I stopped that as soon as I realized I felt guilty for simply eating)

Okay I’ve been simmering on this today but like. We need more representations of fatness and weight gain as signs of healing. So so often in media weight loss is meant to be a sign of becoming healthier or happier and I’m ready to see more of the opposite!

Give me characters who hadn’t had secure access to food in the past having stable food and filling out from finally being able to eat when they’re hungry.

Give me characters who have always felt like they had to adhere to a standard for fear of judgment finally gaining weight as they become more comfortable with themselves and their bodies.

Give me couples getting fatter together because they know they’ll be loved and because life’s too short to worry about dieting and controlling intake all the time.

Give me characters who’ve struggled with disordered eating habits in the past who get progressively chunkier as they recover with the help of people who adore them.

Give me fatness as a sign of comfort. Of health. Of security and recovery and confidence. Give me fatness as a sign of happiness.

#Trigger warning ed #Body positivity

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xneontragedyx · 7 months ago

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When he says “there’s nothing there anymore”, what does he really mean?

Hmmm, I think what he’s saying is that he doesn’t feel that connection with you anymore. This usually happens when he has already found someone better, or if he feels he isn’t getting the expected attention from you. Talk about it. If it doesn’t seem to work out, end it. One-way love is the worst kind of love out there.

He was actively cheating on me with more than one female I was working two jobs and I was always gone from the house he was expressing already that he didn't find me attractive at all like he didn't want to have sex with me he thought I was disgusting and all this stuff but he never said anything to me up until I started getting suspicious and he didn't like that so he was like stop it or else I'm going to break up with you but we had a lease and I mean I was just so floored I was like who is this person you know turns out yes he was cheating on me a lot and he never loved me he cared for me so I was in the friend zone he actually had romantic feelings for this girl Maria so he wouldn't bring her to the house as soon as I left work you bring over to the house cuz my daughter was at school and she'd be there till like 3:00. In fact he even called her a tenant. But yeah he said that we should have never been long-term that we were short-term and that he cared for me a lot meaning that he pretty much friend zoned me and just wanted to make sure that I was safe I guess I guilt maybe but he didn't give a crap about the relationship at all at all because he was actually committed to that girl Maria telling her he loves her and he misses her and he like it so turned on by her kneecap wait till like he sees her again and there were pictures she had a hidden account but like I've seen pictures of her wearing his hat and then I seen pictures of her in his truck and then I seen pictures of her outside in my parking spot waiting for the coast to be clear yeah she couldn't help it she she would post it online looking but yeah so pretty much I got called the clown I got called the n***** I got called ugly fat on attractive stupid oblivious I'm cool I was told that I can't fly. And that I'm odd and then I have an odd body and no booty. We are separated for like a year and a half he really did just ghost me and I was so heartbroken when he hit me up January 2021 he actually was inviting me over we started sleeping together again he would get me gifts he would cuddle me and like all this stuff but I confronted him about it cuz like we were friends with benefits for a while and he was like no I'm not messing with anybody else you know so he got tired of it or bored or he found someone else because he told me he was like hey I just want to let you know that there's nothing there there's no deeper meaning and I've moved on you should probably move on too cuz I've been moved on. Which I think means he found someone else to either connect with make fun of put down or on actually like pursue like for real I don't know but he's over like I'm done like he I was the toy that he played with too much and got bored of. And on top of it he kept saying I don't care I don't care think what you want I don't know what to tell you. yeah he straight up even though I'm right even though he was a cheater he's still swears up and down that he never cheated on me that he was faithful in a relationship but like we were just on compatible in our personalities and that's how he left it.

For me you left out a key part of your question. What were you both talking about when that comment was made? Was it a friend or you. Nothing there anymore is a way of saying it’s not going to work there’s no future. If this comment was directed at you I would advise you not to waste your time. Hold your head up and invest in yourself!

It means that he did a real good job at something like removing a spot from a piece of clothing, cleaning out all the dirt off a window or there isn’t anymore love left that he had for his lover.

He says there was nothing between us, but there was. Why did he just leave me?

What does it mean if he tells you, "you have nothing to offer" in terms of a relationship?

He says he loves me but his actions don't match his words. Should I stay or leave?

He doesn't love you anymore.

He looked, but he didn't see a clown in the dark under the trees in the back yard.

It was surgically removed.

There was a gas explosion.

Somebody ate all the potato chips and he's not happy at all.

He's too lazy to actually look for that mouse.

What is your highest-paying side hustle (and how do you do it)?

I’ve probably tried maybe 30+ side hustles over the past year. Here are the 4 that have paid me the most.

They’re all (relatively) easy to pull off:

1.Playing solitaire on my phone - (Earning potential: up to $4,000/week)

NOTE: This is only available on Samsung phones.

Sounds nuts, obviously, but the idea of playing cash solitaire as a side gig has been around for years, and can be surprisingly lucrative (if you’re good enough, anyway).

The whole thing revolves around Solitaire Cash (a free Samsung game).

The game itself is really simple: You play solitaire head-to-head against another real person.

What does it mean if someone says “there’s no point in anything anymore”?

if someone say there’s no point in anything anymore, they are clearly depressed and have given up hope of ever being happy again. If anyone reads this and thus recognizes the signs of depression in themselves, please know that what is being felt right now can be changed, but likely only with professional help.

He says I lost him forever. What exactly does it mean?

It means if you have any hope of reuniting with him, end that hope now. He's not ever coming back. Your actions, whatever they were, were unforgivable.

Sorry you are going through this.

Learn from what you did wrong and never do it again.

What does it mean when a man says he needs you but doesn't want to be with you?

He's put you in the boner only zone. He wants to smash, with no restrictions

His feelings are no longer there.

What is the best way to qualify for SNAP (food stamps) without actually applying and getting approved?

You can use mRelief’s free screener tool to check if you meet state requirements before applying.

>> See if you qualify before you apply <<

Just answer a few questions about your household and find out in minutes.

If you do qualify, we’ll provide options on ways to apply in your state. Your local SNAP office is required by law to respond to your application within 30 days.

With our free screener tool, you can find out first if you meet your state’s requirements without actually applying for SNAP. Our tool can save you from filling out 17+ pages of paperwork or sitting on a 90-minute phone call.

He said nothing will come of us. What does this mean?

He believes the relationship isn’t going anywhere. You’ll never going to get married, have kids, etc…

Maybe you’re simply Not compatible. Not everyone is; it’s sad, but that’s life…

Time to end-it & move-on…

GO find someone more compatible who WANTS to be with you, marry, & grow old together. Find someone else that can make you happy…

Safe journeys…

What are some things a guy says that actually means he's done with you and doesn't want to try anymore?

Its not only what he says but how he acts towards the relationship.

He’ll start to make excuses not to see you, when you usually have in the past. He’ll start spending more time with his friends than he used to.

He’ll disappear for longer periods of time.

He’ll not follow your conversations and his inter action will show a disinterest. He’ll say he’s really tired all the time as an excuse not to go out or do anything fun. He stops initiating conversation.

He’ll pick fights with you, even if they are completely ridiculous.

He’ll tell you he thinks you spend too much time together. Be thinks it would

The phrase has colloquially come to mean that something has no substance.

When a man says "I don't love you anymore," what does he mean?

Its not complicated. If your man says he don't love you anymore, he has lost feelings for you. He doesn't love you. Theres a good chance he never did and was only infatuated with you coz real love doesn't go away unless your an evil person who mistreated him and Ima assuming you aren't evil. Its time to move on. The guy is finished with you so find someone who does love you and treat him good.

Before the Big Bang there was nothing. What is the scientific conception of "nothing" used in this statement?

People get hung up on the idea of "nothing". This is because they imagine a large empty lump of space with nothing in it, no matter and no energy.

But when you have nothing, not only do you have no matter and no energy, you also don't have any space and also (this is the difficult bit) no time.

Literally you have nothing.

The second part of the question asks how our universe could come from nothing. Well, our universe didn't come from nothing, but it also didn't come from anything which we "know" as something. All our physical models require space-time (a single, 4 dimensional construct), before

What does it mean when a guy says, “I’m done with you”?

He has had enough of the woman he ‘s talking to

She has stepped over the line too many times

She has been giving him bullshit long enough

She has been annoying for far too ling

It is the end of the fucking line for her

She has annoying for the last time

It is over, done, finished and..

He is done with her.

But..

It doesn’t mean “we are over,” although it can be.

Depends on that guy.

It can means he’s really pissed off and there is a chance of reconciliation. Depends on him if he has been thinking about this for a while.

So if I was her, I’d back off, give him space and whatever she is doing…avoiding doing

He says there was nothing between us, but there was. Why did he just leave me?

What does it mean if he tells you, "you have nothing to offer" in terms of a relationship?

He says he loves me but his actions don't match his words. Should I stay or leave?

What does “why is there something rather than nothing” mean?

How do you know when someone stops loving you just to afraid to say?

Why would a guy say he wants to get to know you but do nothing to make it happen?

What does “there's nothing you can do to me that hasn't already been done” mean?

Is it true that when a man says it’s over, it is really over?

What do you do when you’re with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship but doesn't want to lose you?

What do you say when there is nothing to say?

#nothing there #my otp #andrespatino #escrituras #tfatws #$elf h4rm #move on #move out cleaning #farmcore #loveislove #stupid slvt

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i-need-air · 4 years ago

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Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

#bakugou katsuki x reader #noirewrites #hybrid!bakugou #hybrid!au #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons #bnha x reader

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sarahjtv · 4 years ago

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BNHA Chapter 309 Spoiler Thoughts: Izuku and Inko Midoriya, and Some More Things Along The Way

The chapter leaks are here again! Thanks to all the people on Twitter and here on Tumblr for providing us with scans and translations. This chapter helps explain some things that a lot of us were wondering about. Sadly, there’s still no Bakugo, or Shoto, or any other UA kids really; they’re only in flashbacks. But, we do get to see what All Might and the Top 3 Heroes (Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist) are up to, so that’s something. Anyway, remember to take what I say with a grain of salt until the official translations come out on Sunday:

The chapter starts a few minutes after Deku beat Muscular. He’s flying through the air taking an unconscious Muscular tied up in his Black Whip. The other Ketsubusu Academy students from the Lisence Exam see him too. Thankfully the stubborn civilians from 2 chapters ago are willing to help Yo Shindo recover in exchange for not listening moving to the school shelters. Also, Shindo’s barely conscious, but he does actually remember Deku. He’s just not the same Deku as before. Not much for me to say here except that I wonder if Shindo’s going to help spread the word about Deku’s actions. Not just to his classmates, but I wonder if the words’ going to get out to the news and UA. Actually, word might not even get that far since Shindo was only one of the few people in that exam that really even interacted with Deku...

Deku hands Muscular over to the police for them to take care off. He also makes sure to cover himself up in Smokescreen to hide his identity. So, Deku really is working in the shadows here. It is best that the public doesn’t know what Deku is doing so that the LoV don’t track him down. My man’s really going down the Batman route. Oh, I also have to admire Deku’s smartphone here kept in this steel case. I was going to say it’s a burner phone, but burner phones break easily for a reason and this one clearly doesn’t. Maybe it’s a special one that can’t be tracked down.

And we finally get to see All Might again! He is actively working with Deku instead of just not knowing where his protege is. He’s wearing casual clothes (jacket, jeans, sunglasses, the works) when he meets up with Deku in an alleyway. I’m honestly glad that All Might is still supervising Deku. I mean, Deku on his own would’ve been badass, but when you’re going up against people like AFO and Shigaraki, you’re going to need some help. Especially when laying low. Even with supervision, I still think Deku counts as a vigilante b/c I don’t think his license works if he’s not at UA. I will believe this unless proven otherwise.

It’s explained that the “wrapping” on Deku’s arms are actually gauntlets called “Mid-Gauntlets”, which are what are helping hold Deku’s arms together. And they are VERY similar to the gauntlets that Melissa Shield from Two Heroes gave Deku. Deku even says that All Might ordered them from the USA before travel restrictions were put in place. I know that it’s only implied, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Deku’s new gauntlets were made by Melissa. Even if you want to doubt it, at this point, Two Heroes (and by extension Heroes Rising and probably the upcoming 3rd movie, World Heroes Mission) are canon. Honestly, I’m cool with it. I liked Melissa and I’m glad her presence is still around (she was even in a Team-Up Mission chapter with Hatsume). I do wonder if we’re ever going to see her in the main story. It would be nice to see Melissa again.

The gauntlets are test samples and are used to enhance endurance. All Might says that they can’t withstand 100% of OFA yet. Which means that Deku actually beat Muscular with less than 100% unlike their first fight where Deku had to use over 100% just to knock him out. So, does this mean that, say, Deku’s current 45% is stronger than his 100+% back in the Forest Camp? Or maybe it was just the combo of moves and strategy rather then Deku just punching his way through things.

Small detail, but All Might’s phone goes off with that “I AM HERE” ringtone we heard before and Deku comments that this particular one is from All Might’s Silver Age TV Special! It’s such a small thing, but I love that Deku still has that All Might fanboy in him despite everything 💚! Somethings truly never change.

And back to the Top 3: Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist! Endeavor and Best Jeanist are teaming up to kick a villain’s ass while Hawks is talking to All Might on the phone. It looks like Hawks got a few costume changes particularly his visor/glasses which look more boxy than they did before if that makes sense. Oh, and they’re also helping All Might work with Deku. Makes sense since all three vowed to help take down Dabi earlier and Shigaraki and AFO definitely extend from that.

Deku’s Danger Sense is going off, so he’s probably going to check out any danger he can find in case it’s the LoV. I do wonder if that harms Deku still. It was said that it felt like a stabbing in his head and it must’ve been bad enough for the 4th OFA Holder to live in the forest away from society. Man, I really hope our boy is ok (I know he’s not really, let me have this).

But yeah, Hawks (still wingless, but with a nice little undercut btw😳) explains that Deku's afraid of dragging other people in his battles like All Might. Hawks also goes on to say that it’s best to take the initiative in taking down AFO and Shigaraki rather than waiting for them to appear all powered up. He also wants All Might to keep supporting him despite the difficult position he’s in (remember that All Might’s technically Qurikless again and can’t really fight on his own). It makes sense for them to go after the Villains again while they can. If Deku fought Shigaraki while Shigaraki was at full strength, Deku would lose easily. Even at 75%, Shigaraki was able to kill and injure A LOT of people, and Deku was lucky to even make it out there alive. They need to find Shigaraki SOON!

Flashback to Central Hospital before Deku jumped UA ship! Recover Girl and Central Hospital’s high-tech were responsible for many of the patience recovering quickly and being discarged. Deku was just there a little longer than the others. So, we can assume that all our UA kids and some notable heroes made it out alive after being treated. Still don’t know what happened to some people like Tamaki and Fat Gum tho 😭.

All Might and Deku’s mom, Inko (thank god she’s ok), are by Deku’s bedside as his casts are taken off. Deku’s doctor (who looks like Super Mario/Luigi; the whole Super Mario crew must run this damn place. Where’s Bowser and Princess Peach) explains that despite his former warnings about his ligaments, Deku’s limbs are still functioning because he’s not the same as he was before. So, before, Deku’s injuries were like his limbs were exploding from the inside, but this time those “explosions” were able to escape his body. Also his Black Whip cast helped keep Deku’s arm in tact so that he wouldn’t pulverize himself. His ligimates are still degrading too, so Deku still has to be careful. I think he might have a few more small scars too, but that could just be shadows or muscle lining from Horikoshi’s pen-work.

Ok, honestly, I’m not sure how this logically works... I’m no medical professional, but I assume this means that Deku’s built his body up so much that it’s naturally able to withstand more damage than before and that’s why he’s more durable. But, I don’t know how Deku was able to let the “explosions” escape this time. I get the reverse; I get how he got injured before, but I don’t get this. Was it the Black Whip brace he made for himself? I honestly don’t really understand this. Maybe the official translations will clear this up. Or Horikoshi will in a Tweet or Volume Extra.

And Inko is finally informed of OFA thank the gods! She was in the top of my list of “People who should really, really know OFA and what’s going on with Deku because I swear...”. She’s clearly shaken up as anyone would be, but I’m glad she at least knows what’s going on with her son. Yes, she’s still worried, but at least she can stop guessing why all this is happening.

Deku announces the reason why he won’t go back to UA and it’s basically that Shigaraki can sense where Deku is and he doesn’t want to see anyone else close to him get hurt and/or die. So, basically what I thought would be the reason. Absolutely no surprise there. But, going after Shigaraki and AFO first was originally Deku’s idea, so that’s something new. Kid’s bold.

And this broke my heart 💔! Inko insists that Deku stay with her to stay safe, but Deku knows what he has to do. So, he thanks his mom, thanks her for making him happy, and tells her that he’ll be ok and that he’ll come back home with a somber smile on his face. We see a flashback to Little Deku and Inko too when they were happier. Bro, I don’t even know what to say. I am in tears just writing this 😭 I’ll just post these two panels so y’all can cry with me. I will never recover from this. I’m fucking devastated. You better come home, Deku:

*sniffs* All Might remembers what he said to Inko. He remembers how he said that he will protect Deku with his life. All Might encourages Deku to go and he says that he’ll go with him with tears in his eyes. He asks the Top 3 to help with this mission (finding Dabi) as their own mission coincides with Deku’s (finding Shigaraki and AFO). I’m so glad all these adults are staying by Deku’s side throughout this. It’s good to know that Deku still has support, though I wish it were from some of his friends too. Maybe one day.

Deku goes to see Grand Torino in his hospital room to talk to him about OFA. He mentions his friend and 7th Holder Nana Shimura. Torino thinks he was responsible for killing Shigaraki (he really wasn’t let's be real). He also tells Deku that Deku shouldn’t be so persistent in saving Shigaraki as killing can sometimes lead to salvation. Ok, few things:

1. I am surprised Grand Tarino is still alive. I mean, we don’t know what happened to him after this talk, but at least he got to hear from Deku again. It’s kind of nice to know that Tarino willingly passed down his cape to Deku too instead of Deku just taking it after his death. Also, I’ve been watching some of Jujutsu Kaisen like everyone else has and this give me some Yuji & his grandfather vibes to it. Knowing what happens there and that JJK’s magaka is good friends with Horikoshi, I have a sinking feeling I know what happened after this talk...

2. Deku looks so much older here. Like, it’s not that cute, innocent baby face we knew at the beginning. I don’t even know what it is exactly (maybe the eyes), but he just looks more mature here. Also, his uniform some buttons down looks really good on him, I’m sorry but I need to mention that too 💚.

3. “Killing is a means towards salvation”. Oh, boy... I mean, I get it. Some people just can’t be saved or captured in hopes of rehabilitation/redemption. Sometimes killing people is necessary to save others. But, Deku is not a killer. He will try to save Shigaraki no matter what. That was established again last chapter. He tried to save Muscular for god’s sake. But, I am curious if Gran Tarino’s words are going to hold any weight in the final fight. Like, will Deku have to kill Shigaraki? What will that do to Deku as a person? I’m really curious if Horikoshi is going to make Deku do this.

And finally, there’s a page showing off the Top 3, Deku, and All Might team up with the resolve to beat the LoV. I am really interested to see where this goes. Deku is working with the big Pro Heroes instead of his classmates/friends. This hasn’t really happened before. I also wonder if Shoto and Bakugo know what Deku’s doing then. Because Shoto’s going to help Endeavor and his family find Dabi. Endeavor’s activley helping Deku. Also, Endeavor and Best Jeanist are both Bakugo’s mentors. All Might too actually. Look, maybe I’m making excuses to see my Origin Trio together again, but I do have to wonder if Shoto and Bakugo are involved somehow.

Welp, that’s it. This chapter was a rollercoaster! I was excited, I was confused, I was worried, I cried my eyes out at one point because THOSE TWO PANELS I CANNOT 💔😭! I’m honestly just waiting for Horokishi to drop some major time-skip on us at some point. I don’t want him to, but I won’t be entirely surprised if he does. The end of this chapter is a good place to end if Horikoshi wants to segway into something else like, oh IDK, THE UA KIDS LET ME SEE THEM AGAIN HORIKOSHI PLS I’M BEGGING 💸

Me @ Horikoshi almost every week:

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years ago

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Complications (aka trans!Jiang Cheng with a kid) - ao3 or part 1, part 2, part 3

A-Lian was as good a name as any for the brat, Jiang Cheng supposed.

He’d been spitefully thinking of additional names ever since Nie Huaisang, that busybody, had decided on the name he liked best, but unfortunately Jiang Lian had a better ring to it than any of the others he’d come up with so far and he wasn’t quite petty enough to condemn his son to a disharmonious name just out of spite.

Assuming A-Lian stayed a son, anyway. Jiang Cheng was still curious as to how the Nie sect had managed to get cursed with an entire generation of women – Nie Huaisang had let slip a few hints that it might’ve had to do with a very fat celestial bird that hadn’t appreciated a comment that had, truly, been meant as a compliment, and anyway they would have made for excellent drumsticks, and honestly the more Jiang Cheng heard about this story the more he wondered if marrying Nie Huaisang just to hear the full version might possibly be worth it – and obviously he wasn’t about to let the Lotus Pier continue to ignore the issue of misaligned reincarnations any longer.

Something he’d have to start enforcing once he was back on the war front, he supposed – which was going to be very soon, if he had his way about it; he was sick and tired of the (nearly completed!) post-pregnancy isolation period.

He couldn’t wait for the relative peace and quiet of an active battlefield.

Of course, the second he thought that, A-Lian started making ominous grumbling sounds, because babies were apparently psychic. Why had no one ever mentioned that?

“You can’t be hungry again, brat,” Jiang Cheng told A-Lian firmly. “I literally just fed you.”

He probably just wanted to burp again, so Jiang Cheng picked him up and started patting him with one hand, using the other to fish out Nie Mingjue’s most recent letter. The other sect leader was quite possibly the most relaxing person he’d ever corresponded with: his letters were practical and to the point, with no extraneous fluff that Jiang Cheng would feel obliged to respond to.

More importantly, it gave him an update on how his sect was doing, which was all for the best – Nie Mingjue had kept recruitment open for him, which he hadn’t needed to do, and that meant that each letter now contained not only battle strategy and requests for final decisions but also lists of the talent (or lack thereof) of new recruits so that he could make a decision on their admittance as tentative nominal disciples. Final admittance would have to wait until he returned, of course…

He hadn’t gotten a letter from Nie Huaisang yet.

That was to be expected, he supposed. Nie Huaisang had insisted on sticking around for nearly two weeks following the birth to make sure Jiang Cheng didn’t mysteriously expire from complications – the doctors had rolled their eyes a little, but Nie Huaisang’s mother had died from an infection that hadn’t been spotted in time and Jiang Cheng understood his paranoia – and he’d only reluctantly agreed to go, which meant he was probably dragging his feet.

Anyway, just because Nie Huaisang had agreed to tell Wei Wuxian about A-Lian didn’t mean that he could necessarily find Wei Wuxian. His shixiong could be anywhere, after all; contributing to the campaign, of course, but not necessarily in the Jiang sect’s camp…

Ah, yes. Just what Jiang Cheng’s day was missing: the stabbing sense of inadequacy and failure, with a nice slice of the sinking suspicion that his leadership was so bad that he couldn’t even convince his own shixiong to follow him and therefore everyone who was following him was simply humoring him.

“At least you seem to like me well enough,” he muttered to A-Lian, who gurgled happily at him now that the unfortunate burping incident was behind them. “You keep that up, you hear me? You may be a brat, and little more than a blob with arms and legs, but you still have to like me best.”

Nie Huaisang insisted that A-Lian was a gorgeous baby, but Jiang Cheng was having some trouble seeing it. Obviously A-Lian was a baby superior to all other babies, undoubtedly through sheer dumb luck (maybe it skipped a generation?), but he kept worrying that he’d done something wrong, either during the pregnancy or the birth or the care he’d been giving him, and that he’d end up damaging A-Lian for life.

It was easier if he thought of A-Lian as a very resistant blob that would always resume its original shape.

…he really wished Nie Huaisang would write to him and tell him what’d happened when he told Wei Wuxian.

He knew that Wei Wuxian would take it personally, but he wasn’t exactly sure how. Would Wei Wuxian be angry with him? Disappointed, that Jiang Cheng hadn’t just lost his core to the Wens, but his chastity as well? Disdainful that Jiang Cheng had been so desperate for family that he’d decided to carry the child to term, even knowing that its father was their parents’ murderer - that he himself had helped murder the father in turn? Upset, because Wei Wuxian had done so much to rescue him and care for him and even help him get his golden core back, and in return Jiang Cheng did nothing but create another burden that would fall on his shoulders?

Or worse – would Wei Wuxian feel like a failure, too, the way Jiang Cheng always did, and all because he hadn’t been able to save Jiang Cheng from the obvious consequences of his own stupidity?

(It wasn’t that Jiang Cheng hadn’t known when he’d allowed himself to be captured that he’d be tortured and most probably killed, and yet somehow it had never occurred to him that they would do what they did to him – he’d been a man so long that he’d forgotten, just like everyone else in the Lotus Pier, that he’d ever been regarded as anything else. He still didn’t regret the choice he’d made; he’d known that Wei Wuxian would do a better job of avenging his parents than he would and he was right about it, too, wasn’t he?)

Jiang Cheng was so immersed in dark thoughts that he almost – almost – failed to notice when A-Lian started reaching for the ink. Well, flailing around in the general vicinity of the ink, anyway.

“Don’t you even dare think about it, brat. Do you remember bathtime? You don’t like bathtime, and if you get yourself covered in ink, there’s going to be even more bathtime…”

“Jiang-xiong! Jiang-xiong! Are you and A-Lian awake in there?”

It was Nie Huaisang.

He’d returned in person instead of writing a letter; was that a good sign or a bad sign?

“Even if we weren’t, we would be after your yelling,” he shouted back. “What are you, an elephant?”

“A bull!”

“You’re too prissy to be a bull, except for the bullshit you always keep spouting!”

Jiang Cheng waited for Nie Huaisang’s response, which would inevitably be dripping with innuendo, and blinked when there wasn’t anything. That was strange; it wasn’t as if there was anyone here that Nie Huaisang would be embarrassed to –

Oh no.

“Can we come in?” Nie Huaisang asked from outside his door.

Jiang Cheng’s suspicions were confirmed at once when he heard that dreadful ‘we’. Nie Huaisang had returned not with news but with company – company Jiang Cheng still wasn’t sure he was ready to see.

“…fine,” he still said, because there was no point in holding it off any further. He braced himself for Wei Wuxian to sweep into the room like a hurricane.

He was not expecting Jiang Yanli to walk in instead.

“Jiejie!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed, and – damn him – felt his eyes start filling up with tears at once. He’d wanted so badly to have her with him during this excruciating process, and she’d even offered, writing him a letter full of concern about the ‘complications’ he was apparently struggling with. But she’d been safe in the Jin sect and he wouldn’t have been able to bear the guilt if something had happened to her on the way to see him.

And that meant he couldn’t say anything, not even in letters that were safe, not even in code, because if he’d so much as breathed a word about what was actually happening, she would have insisted on coming no matter what.

“A-Cheng!” she exclaimed, and rushed over. “Oh, A-Cheng, why didn’t you tell me…”

“I wanted to you to stay safe,” he sniffed. “Travel is so dangerous, and if something happened because of me –”

“Oh, A-Cheng…” She wrapped her arms around him. “I just wish I’d been here for you. You must have been so scared!”

“I have nightmares that say he was mostly just really angry,” Nie Huaisang put in, unhelpful as always; Jiang Cheng didn’t even bother to spare him a glance.

“You were here,” he assured her. “You sent me soup every week; I ate that when I couldn’t keep anything else down –”

A particularly vicious surge of late-onset morning sickness. It’d been a bad ten days.

“You still should’ve told us,” and that was Wei Wuxian, standing in the door next to Nie Huaisang with his shoulders up by his ears defensively, but Jiang Cheng was curled up in his sister’s arms so even if Wei Wuxian was horribly disappointed in him he would be able to handle it.

With Jiang Yanli there, he could handle anything.

“Probably should have,” he agreed, because Wei Wuxian was right. Opting to carry A-Lian at all was a stupid risk to have taken in the first place, given the likelihood of dying in childbirth and leaving the Jiang sect without a leader during their time of need, but – well, that’d been a risk he’d accepted the first time around when he’d given himself up to save Wei Wuxian. It hadn’t seemed so bad the second time, even though he knew he risked wasting all of Wei Wuxian’s hard work in rescuing and getting his core back. “Didn’t, though. You want to hold the brat?”

“Of course I want to hold the brat!” And when Jiang Cheng looked over, Wei Wuxian was smiling. Smiling. “I have to hold him! He’s my shizi!”

“What are you naming him?” Jiang Yanli asked as Wei Wuxian reached over to pick A-Lian up.

“…Jiang Lian,” Jiang Cheng finally admitted, and any embarrassing comments Nie Huaisang might have had to say about it – Jiang Cheng expected whooping in triumph, to be perfectly honest – were drowned out by A-Lian abruptly howling in indignation that this strange person had dared pick him up.

“Jiang Cheng! Jiang Cheng! The baby’s crying!” Wei Wuxian wailed. He sounded like a baby himself.

“Oh for the – give him here!” The second A-Lian returned to Jiang Cheng’s arms, the crying stop and the baby settled back down. He looked a little smug, even.

“It seems A-Lian likes A-Cheng the best,” Jiang Yanli said, covering her mouth with a smile. “Can I try?”

There were still tears, though not quite as many.

“He’ll get used to you eventually,” Jiang Cheng said, as if he wasn’t preening at his son’s excellent taste. “If you stick around, that is.”

“As if you’ll be able to get rid of us,” Wei Wuxian huffed, and that made something warm and happy and glowing appear in Jiang Cheng’s chest. “You know, it’s really unfair, Jiang Cheng! I put in all this work and effort into developing demonic cultivation and inventing all sorts of new things, and in a mere ten months you managed to make something even better.”

Jiang Cheng couldn’t help the laugh that broke free, his heart singing happily – Wei Wuxian didn’t hate him, wasn’t disappointed in him, was happy for him. “It wasn’t really something I was actively working on.”

“Rude. No need to rub it in.”

And just because Jiang Cheng was Jiang Cheng, he had to affirmatively check: “You’re not upset, are you?”

“Only that you robbed us of the opportunity to spoil you rotten,” Wei Wuxian said. “Oh, and for having Nie Huaisang tell me about it – I only found out because he and his brother were betting on the gender.”

Jiang Cheng twisted around in Jiang Yanli’s arms to glare at Nie Huaisang.

“I lost,” Nie Huaisang said, as if that would make things better, and weirdly enough it sort of did. “Never bet against da-ge.”

Jiang Cheng thought about it and nodded. That seemed like a good rule, no matter the circumstances – and anyway, if that meant that Nie Mingjue was there when Wei Wuxian was told, that was all the better. As far as Jiang Cheng was concerned, there was nothing in the world that Nie Mingjue couldn’t handle.

He wished he could one day be even half of what Nie Mingjue was. Confident and self-assured, an excellent sect leader beloved by all, a war leader and a filial son, righteous and terrifying…

“I hope he won something good off of you,” he told Nie Huaisang, who grimaced at him in a way that suggested Nie Mingjue really had won something good. “You deserve it.”

“You have no sympathy for me,” Nie Huaisang whined.

“Forget sympathy for you, what about sympathy for me?” Wei Wuxian put in. “‘Oh, hi, Wei Wuxian, nice to see you, been a long time, guess what, your shizi’s a boy!’”

Okay, that sounded really funny actually. Jiang Cheng kind of regrets missing it.

He smirked at Wei Wuxian, who saw it and made a rude gesture in return.

“It was traumatizing,” Wei Wuxian said with a sniff. “Really, truly. Shijie, you need to make me some soup to help me get over it.”

“No way,” Jiang Cheng said at once. “If she’s making soup, she’s making it for me.”

“You’ve apparently been getting her soup every week for the past few months; I deserve it more!”

“I’m the one getting my chest gnawed off by a wild animal three times a day –”

“I can make enough for both of you,” Jiang Yanli said patiently. “Nie-gongzi, is there a kitchen..?”

“I’ll show you the way,” Nie Huaisang said with a grin. “I’m eager to see how this famous soup gets made. I had to beg Jiang-xiong for three weeks to get a single spoonful, and it was worth every minute of it.”

“You flatter me…”

They left together, and Jiang Cheng used the opportunity to scrub the tear tracks off his face as best as he could.

“It really was pretty traumatizing,” Wei Wuxian said, pointedly only looking at an increasingly sleepy A-Lian instead of seeing what Jiang Cheng was doing. “Not as traumatizing as the lecture Chifeng-zun gave me afterwards about how badly I’ve been behaving.”

“Badly?” Jiang Cheng said, frowning. “What do you mean, you’ve been fine; the effect your demonic cultivation has been having against the Wens alone –”

“No, I haven’t been,” Wei Wuxian said, and his tone was uncharacteristically serious. “Not because of the demonic cultivation, but because I haven’t been standing by your side the way I promised I would.”

“You’re doing your best,” Jiang Cheng said firmly. “You have demonic cultivation now, and that means you can do a lot more things – it makes sense for your to be at the front line.”

“I’m not saying that I shouldn’t be at the front line. I’m saying that I promised you that you’d be my sect leader, that I’d follow you, and instead I keep treating you like you’re still my shidi. Making decisions on your behalf, insisting on doing things my way because I think I’m right…” Wei Wuxian shook his head. “I got used to doing things that way, all these years. But things are different now. You’re my sect leader. Decisions like how to best deploy me are your decision, not mine – if you want me by your side instead of on the front, I should do that; if you want me to lead the Jiang sect cultivators, I should be doing that. I can try to persuade you that my plan is better, but in the end, if I’m going to be part of the Jiang sect, I need to accept that it’s your word that’s final, because anything else would be disrespectful – and I don’t want to disrespect you, Jiang Cheng. Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Don’t call me that,” Jiang Cheng said, words sharp but only because otherwise he’d have to acknowledge that he was crying again. He hadn’t even known he’d wanted to hear that from Wei Wuxian until he had – he hadn’t realized how important it was that Wei Wuxian finally acknowledged him, that Wei Wuxian thought he was capable of being sect leader; he hadn’t realized how much his feelings had been tangled up by the fact that Wei Wuxian still treated him as if he was just a foolish child that didn’t know better. “Everyone else can call me that, but you call me Jiang Cheng, okay? Always.”

He reached over and grabbed Wei Wuxian around the shoulders, drawing him into a tight one-armed embrace.

“Watch the baby,” Wei Wuxian said, as if he wasn’t hugging back just as hard. “Don’t drop my shizi because you’re not paying attention.”

“I’m not going to drop him,” Jiang Cheng said, grateful for the mostly-a-joke. “Does that – does that mean you’re coming back to the Jiang sect? For real this time?”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian said. “I am. No more running around outside, I promise.”

Jiang Cheng’s hands were busy, holding his shidi in one and his son in the other, so he had to bury his face into Wei Wuxian’s shoulder to help stop the flow of tears. “Wei Wuxian,” he said. “You really don’t – you’re not angry at me?”

“Why would I be angry at you?” Wei Wuxian said, pulling back and frowning at him and then frowning even more when Jiang Cheng made a flailing sort of gesture with his head towards A-Lian. “For - for that?! Jiang Cheng, it wasn’t your fault you got captured!”

It sort of was, actually, and Jiang Cheng has always been a terrible liar; he shouldn’t have let his insecurities get away from him enough to even ask, because now Wei Wuxian’s eyes were the ones filling up with tears. He’d never been an idiot.

“You didn’t,” he insisted, and his hands were white-knuckled where he grabbed onto Jiang Cheng’s arms. He was probably leaving bruises, and neither of them cared. “Jiang Cheng, tell me you didn’t! Don’t – in the marketplace, when the Wens were about to find me – Jiang Cheng…!”

“Someone needed to avenge our parents, and you were the better choice!” Jiang Cheng blurted out. “And I was right, wasn’t I? You did it! You even invented demonic cultivation –”

“I didn’t have a choice!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed. “There wasn’t any other way out of the Burial Mounds, and now I’m stuck, Jiang Cheng – you don’t understand, it’s not just, I don’t – I can’t – it’s demonic cultivation or nothing for me, and when the war ends, when it stops being useful and starts being horrifying, the entire cultivation world is going to turn against me, and I can’t bring you down with me –”

“Why are you talking like it’s the only type of cultivation you can do anymore?” Jiang Cheng demanded. “How can one type of cultivation block you from doing another? That doesn’t make any sense – even if it did block you, you could just stop, it’s not like you don’t have a golden core –”

Wei Wuxian didn’t say anything.

“You have a golden core,” Jiang Cheng said again, more urgently this time. “Wei Wuxian, you have a golden core, right? You didn’t –” He was starting to panic. “It was Wen Chao that threw you into the Burial Mounds, wasn’t it? He said it himself that that was what he did, and where there’s Wen Chao, there’s Wen Zhuliu – did he melt your core? And I took your name when we went to Baosan Sanren’s mountain, I took your birthright away from you –”

“Jiang Cheng, no! That’s not what happened!”

“You told me to tell her I was you!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed, because what else could it be? Baosan Sanren was a true immortal, powerful enough to fix a golden core, but everyone knew that her disciples weren’t allowed back onto the mountain once they’d left – the gift she’d given him, reviving his core, that must have been a once-in-a-lifetime offer. “I told her I was you so she’d heal me and now she won’t heal you; I did to you what Mother was always afraid you’d do to me –”

“I lied!” Wei Wuxian cried out, and he sounded as if his heart was being torn out of his chest. “I lied, Jiang Cheng, stop trusting me so much! There’s no Baosan Sanren, no mountain; just me, making stupid decisions on your behalf again, because I’m arrogant, because I think I know better, because I –”

“What did you do?” Jiang Cheng said. His lips felt numb. His whole body felt numb. “Wei Wuxian, what did you do –”

A-Lian burst into tears.

That knocked them both out of their self-absorption, turning at once to see what was wrong with the baby.

“Did we jostle him?” Wei Wuxian asked anxiously once they’d gotten A-Lian a little calmer. “We didn’t hurt him, did we?”

“I think we were just being too loud,” Jiang Cheng said after concluding his inspection. “And anyway, he’s kind of a blob right now – you pinch or pull at him and he goes back the way he used to be. The doctors all say that babies are very flexible.”

“A little bun,” Wei Wuxiand agreed. “With just a little dusting of sesame on top.”

Jiang Cheng looked at the very few scraps of black hair A-Lian had managed to grow. “…he does kind of look like that, doesn’t he? Come on, A-Lian, calm down, it’s okay, we’ll stop yelling, we promise –”

“Really?” Wei Wuxian said. He sounded skeptical. “You’re going to stop yelling?”

“Shut up, you sound like Nie Huaisang. Don’t think you’re getting away without telling me what you did…you gave me yours, didn’t you?”

No wonder his core had felt different, stronger, when he’d woken up – he’d assumed it was Baosan Sanren giving him a gift, but in reality it was only that Wei Wuxian was a better cultivator than he was, that he’d strengthened himself more.

No wonder, too, that his core had felt familiar – he’d pressed his ear against Wei Wuxian’s belly a thousand times, feeling the warmth of it, and he’d mistaken that familiarity for it being his.

Wei Wuxian nodded, and Jiang Cheng scowled. “Can it be reversed?”

“Absolutely not,” Wei Wuxian said at once. “For one thing, I wouldn’t agree; for another, it was only a fifty-fifty chance of it working successfully the first time, I’m not taking that risk again. Anyway, I have demonic cultivation now, and if we traded back, you’d need to be the demonic cultivator, and what would that do to the Jiang sect’s reputation?”

Jiang Cheng hated it when Wei Wuxian had a point.

“Especially now that we have an heir,” Wei Wuxian added, reaching out to rub A-Lian’s head. “You’ve got to make sure the Jiang sect is thriving so that you’ll have something good to hand down to him.”

Jiang Cheng really hated it when Wei Wuxian had a point.

“I can’t believe you did that for me,” he said.

“I can’t believe you got captured for me,” Wei Wuxian rebutted. But that wasn’t the same at all, it was –

Okay, maybe there were a few superficial similarities.

“At least that explains why you’ve been so distant,” he said, shaking his head and smoothing A-Lian’s minimal hair down as the baby started to fall asleep again. “I thought you just didn’t trust me to be a good sect leader…”

“What? No! Jiang Cheng, you’re a great sect leader. I just didn’t want to risk dragging you down.”

“How can you drag us down? I’m literally using your golden core to lead the sect!”

“It’s yours now,” Wei Wuxian said. “I built it up, but I can’t decide on how you use it – everything you’ve done since then, that’s still yours. You know that, right? It’s all still you. Your achievements, not mine. Saying it’s mine would be like saying that every person that Chifeng-zun has ever defeated was actually the triumph of whoever forged Baxia for him.”

Jiang Cheng would murder anyone who dared to say something like that, except he’d never get the chance to because Nie Huaisang would have ruined their life before he’d even gotten started.

“Fine,” he said. “But you’re still not dragging us down. We’ll just have to be careful, that’s all – we can even use it to our advantage: whenever we need something to happen that we can’t really admit to, we have you do it, excuse it as being because of the influence of your demonic cultivation, and tell everyone we’ll get right on fixing it right away. Just the way Father used to do with Mother’s temper tantrums.”

“…wait, those were staged?”

“Well, some of them were, anyway,” Jiang Cheng said. He was mostly sure. “But you have to run anything really crazy by me first, okay?”

“Right,” Wei Wuxian said, nodding. “Uh – does that count past actions?”

Jiang Cheng wasn’t even surprised. “What’d you do?”

“Promised a safe harbor to one of the branch families of the Wen sect?”

Jiang Cheng might be gullible where his shixiong was concerned, but he wasn’t dumb. “Wen Qing and Wen Ning? They’re the ones that helped you do – what you did.”

Wei Wuxian nodded guiltily.

“Well, in that case, I can hardly turn them down, can I?” Jiang Cheng said, pretending to grumble. “That’d make me ungrateful. Fine; I retroactively authorize your offer, they can come be guest disciples at the Jiang sect –”

Wei Wuxian hugged him again.

“If you wake the baby up again I will kill you,” Jiang Cheng said, but he hugged him back.

“I think they’re done,” Nie Huaisang’s voice drifted in from the door, and they both turned to look.

Jiang Yanli’s eyes were red, suggesting that she’d been listening – and Jiang Cheng hated that, hated that he’d ever caused her pain or sadness; his jiejie deserved the best things in life, always, not more pain and disappointment and everything he brought with him. But true to form she didn’t say anything, only smiled and said, “I knew A-Xian and A-Cheng would talk it out eventually.”

“Bet you didn’t predict the baby,” Nie Huaisang chirped, and then cowered when all three of them glared at him. “Sorry, sorry. Please ignore me.”

“In the future, there will be no such secrets, understood?” Jiang Yanli said to them, with more steel than usual in her soft voice. “A-Xian will tell us before he does something crazy, and A-Cheng won’t not tell us when something important happens –”

“Well, it’s hardly likely to happen a second time,” Jiang Cheng protested, but not very strongly.

“Hey, don’t be so hasty,” Nie Huaisang said. “We could want more kids after we get married.”

“Wait,” Wei Wuxian said. “When did –”

“We are not getting married!” Jiang Cheng bellowed. It was a good thing that A-Lian apparently found Jiang Cheng’s yelling soothing, or else he would’ve woken up again. “Nie Huaisang, stop telling people we’re getting married!”

“I don’t tell people we’re getting married, I only tell you!”

“That’s not better!”

“Wow,” Wei Wuxian said to Jiang Yanli, voice deliberately pitched obnoxiously loud. “It’s almost like they’re married already –”

“Wei Wuxian! I will throw something at your head, just watch me!”

“Just don’t throw the baby!”

#mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #jiang yanli #nie huaisang #my fic #my fics #content warning: feelings

269 notes · View notes

celestianstars · 5 years ago

Text

Everything I Want

Henry Cavill x Black Female Reader

Summary: You’re feeling insecure about your weight and afraid Henry might leave you for someone better. Henry wants to show you that’s far from the case (based off this request)

Warnings: 18+, angst: body image/self esteem issues, mentions of racism, fluff/smut: unprotected, nothing too wild, creampie mention

Word Count: 4.6k

Notes: I’ve been struggling with similar feelings lately and wanted to write this in hopes it might offer some comfort to others 💓

——————————————————————————

It started with a handful of comments you hadn’t even meant to stumble across, and that was all it took.

You knew the comment section on any picture posted of you and Henry was a dangerous place; for every sweet comment there were at least three others spouting some sort of hate and usually you ignored it as best you could, pushed it aside, didn’t even bother to look...but this time it hurt, far more than you were anticipating.

Usually you could roll your eyes at the racism towards your darker skin color next to Henry’s, even laugh cause of course they’d be jealous of you, your complexion, your magic, your energy, the fact that you were Henry’s girl, of course they all wanted to be you.

But these comments were about your weight, the way your stomach looked as some creepy paparazzi dude had snapped a pic of you bending over, the fact that you were chubby, had fat in places deemed less than desirable. It hit you in a years old sore spot.

It was just the fact that you were caught just being yourself, defenseless, and still, people ripped into you, sowing seeds of doubt in your mind.

Maybe they were right, you looked odd next to Henry, he was so much more athletic looking than you, what could he possibly see in you, he’d probably eventually leave you for a better looking, bendier, thinner model, you were just some experiment for him.

You couldn’t stop from tearing up at reading those things, every shred of confidence now in question.

It was true you struggled with body image and self esteem issues before, you were in fairly good place recently, a lot of it to do with your own mental work and of course Henry’s compliments and love for you was a considerable boost.

Maybe you’d only been dating the man for a year but you kept falling for the classic English charm he had harder each day, and wouldn’t trade that for the world.

Your doubts were still there, especially after seeing those comments, your usual routine to hype yourself up was falling flat but you tried your best to trudge through it all.

---

Henry was usually awake before you but since he was on a break from filming any projects he got to sleep in a little. And that meant more time to snuggle, which you both greatly appreciated, cause nothing felt better than waking up next to him, his arms around you.

This morning you’d woken up before him, your eyes fixated on the sunlight flitting back and forth across the walls of Henry’s room from the gaps in the blinds. Your mind raced, nothing but bad thoughts and fears.

“You’re up early, couldn’t sleep?” Henry’s deep, groggy voice pulled you from your thoughts. You turned slightly, smiling at how cute he looked, messy hair falling across his forehead, the blue/green of his eyes focusing on yours.

“Yeah, I tried but nothing. Good morning, baby.” you sighed, trying to make your eyes match the smile on your face. You were sure you were failing and Henry always had a knack for reading you well but you prayed it would be written off as exhaustion.

He’s gonna leave. He’s gonna leave, this won’t last.

“Good morning, love.” he whispered back to you, rubbing his eyes before reaching his hand up to tuck a stray curl back into the satin scarf wrapped around your head.

He loves you. You know he does, he’s not going to leave.

Your mind wrestled with thoughts of your own worth and what amount Henry believed you worthy enough to be with him.

You were so sure sometimes that this was all going to crack and fall apart at any minute, watching for any sign of his body language being even remotely hostile to indicate when you should start packing your bags.

“Are you alright, love? You look a little sad.” he pulled you from your thoughts yet again, his warm hands snaking around your hips to pull you closer to his chest.

You were desperately trying not to let anything show, insecurities didn’t look cute, he’d leave you for sure if he knew you were having doubts.

“I-yeah yeah I’m fine. Just tired.” you closed your eyes and sank into his warmth, finding it easier to lie if you weren’t looking at him.

Henry knew you far too well, however.

“Can you open those pretty eyes for a minute and look at me?” his voice was back at a whisper, so gentle, coaxing you in that way that tugged at your heart. You didn’t want to listen, he’d figure it out right away if you did but he was asking so sweetly, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone.

You wanted to turn your back to him, make him see that you were difficult, always needy for reassurance, too afraid to ask, not good enough for him. It would be easier that way. Easier if he just left you now so you could start picking up the pieces.

“Henry, please don’t. I...can’t.” a lump formed in your throat, you hated the fact that you cried so easily, cried at everything but you couldn’t help it. Your heart sometimes felt too big for your body.

But that was also one of the things Henry adored about you. Your heart was so big, love and kindness just poured from you onto everyone and everything you came into contact with.

And in an industry where Henry was so used to people being selfish and only out to suit their interests, seeing how you operated on a day to day with this much love was everything to him. It made him want to be like you.

“Alright you don’t have to look at me, but did something happen? It feels like you’ve been distant lately.” you could hear the concern and slight hurt in his voice and it made you break.

You started to cry, curling in on yourself, trying to pull away from Henry’s grip as you let the tears come. He wouldn’t let you out of his embrace but instead, made himself a kind of blanket for you, draping himself over you, encompassing you in warmth and letting you cry it all out.

It concerned him to see you this way, he was thinking of a million possible things that could be making you cry, trying not to think of worst case scenario things while he was at it.

He didn’t like seeing you cry, it wasn’t very often in the year you’d been together that you’d seen each other cry much but god did it hurt him to watch.

All he could do was hold you close to him and keep you anchored while you released what he assumed were things you’d been holding in for a minute.

Henry cupped you’re cheeks, brushing tears away as you clutched onto his arm tightly, almost like you were too afraid to let go.

“Take a deep breath with me, sweetheart. I’m right here, it’s ok.”

He rubbed your back and started the process of getting you to be calm, your tears eyes looking back at him so desperately he wanted to scoop you up and make it all better immediately.

After a minute you were only sniffling, finding it easier to breathe. “Can you tell me what’s going on? I’m here to help you out, babygirl.”

You were reluctant to say, fear still wrapped tight around your vocal cords.

But there was Henry.

The man you had and were falling so in love with each day, his eyebrows knit together in a concerned frown, expression soft for you only. He felt safe and despite your fears you knew you had to tell him.

“W-well it’s just...I saw some Instagram comments on a picture of us the other day and...Henry they were making fun of how I looked and you know those types of things don’t usually affect me but this time I-I couldn’t…” you sniffle and trail off, feeling overwhelmed.

“I know it’s stupid, it’s just a stupid comment but sometimes I just feel so hated. All the racism and shit and now about how I look…” more tears slipped from your lashes, dotting the pillowcase.

Henry listened without speaking first, taking in what you were saying and feeling, letting you have the space to continue speaking in case you found more words.

To say he was furious was an understatement. He knew of the racist comments, nearly broke his phone the day he came across some in his own comment section.

You guys had that long talk about the differences in race that were an undeniable part of your relationship and listened to you speak about your experiences being called every slur in the book just for being by his side.

That was a difficult ballgame to play but you and him had managed it well so far and came back to discuss that topic often because it wasn’t lost on him that he was rather ignorant about the way you experience the world.

But now that these hateful people had found a new way to attack you, Henry could barely stand it. Because you deserved none of it, and to see the way it was hurting you made him sad.

“Baby I’m so sorry. I know that definitely didn’t help with your body image issues.” Henry sighed and kissed your cheek, moving down to kiss your shoulder, trying to comfort you as best he could.

“No it really didn’t. I know I’m chubby and I’m not as fit or active as you but...they really didn’t hold back and now I feel like I’m not good enough for you. And they’re right, like you deserve someone who matches you and doesn’t look like the sloppy mess I am. I just...I hate myself for not being good enough for you.” you started to sob again, this time pushing away from Henry and rolling over.

You didn’t want to look at him when he finally said that he agreed. It would be easier this way.

Hearing that broke Henry’s heart. You truly believed you weren’t good enough for him and it couldn’t have been further from the truth, you were pure goodness to him.

You felt the bed shift, Henry’s weight no longer occupying the space beside you. This was it, he was severing the ties and you weren’t as prepared as you’d hoped to be.

Panic flooded your system and you sobbed even harder, curling into a ball.

“I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me, Henry. I’ll be better. I’ll be better.”

Your voice was muffled but Henry could hear you anyways. He thought his heart couldn’t have hurt any further than that but hearing you plead for him not to leave you, his heart sank.

Upon hearing Henry’s footsteps on the hardwood floors, Kal poked his nose through the bedroom door and barreled in, coming straight to your side of the bed. He could sense something was wrong.

Henry rounded the corner and knelt down by the side of the bed, arm stretched over your body.

Kal wanted to jump up onto the bed but he kept him back, knowing you were in too fragile a state for Kal’s eagerness to comfort you.

“Hey hey, I am not going to leave you. Ever. You are everything I’ve been looking for my entire life, you’re more than that even. Remember how I used to struggle with my weight too, I felt exactly how you feel and it hurts, it sucks and other people’s opinions have never ever helped but know that with me, your body is yours and I love it any shape, any way it comes or changes. You’ve always been good enough for me.”

Henry lay his chin on the bed, cocking his head to look at you.

You stopped crying for a second, taking a second to really take in what he was saying.

“R-really? You could have any model you want, why are you with me, babe? Sometimes it’s hard to believe. Men have left me before, I’m a bigger girl, I know I’m a lot to handle. I can be needy and I know you don’t always have time for that with your work. I just don’t want to tie you down, be a burden.”

“I’m with you because you're you. No model could replicate what you’ve brought to my life or who you are and how important you’ve become to me. I don’t want anyone else, I’m more sure of that than anything. No one else but you,”

“And maybe you’re needy but baby, you’re a person. I can’t fault you for a human emotion. I get insecure sometimes that you won’t want to be with me because of how much I work, the fact that your family is across the other side of the world, the distance. I worry you won’t feel cherished by me but then you look at me and make those feelings disappear with your words. I’m here and you aren’t going anywhere from my life, no amount of internet trolls and racists will change that.”

The tightness in your chest began to lift, and then he laced his fingers with yours and brought your hand up so he could kiss the back of your hand.

“You’re my girl, always will be. I just feel it, and I know you do too.” Henry brushed his thumb over your knuckles, pressing soft kisses to your fingers.

“I can’t believe how amazing you are, I’m in my feelings for a whole other reason now.” you scoff and reach your free hand out to give Kal a scratch behind his ears.

“I think the same thing about you, daily love. I’m serious, me and Kal are your family, we chose you and we love you and that’s just that. This connection we have is deeper than anyone else knows.”

He was right, you had to remember that. Nobody else knew just how in sync and in love you two were and nothing anyone said could ever break what you were building with him.

Your loyalties lay with each other.

“Can I hold you, love?” his voice was so soft you didn’t resist this time, only nodded and reached your arms out to him.

Henry scooped you up, turning so he was sitting on the bed and you were straddled in his lap, face buried in his neck.

You listened to his steady breathing, comfortable with just being in this embrace, letting the words spoken minutes before sink in. He rubbed your back and because he’s cheeky, pinched your ass too.

“Trying to have a soft moment here, Henry!” you giggle and poke his side.

“Mmm indeed, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also admire your ass!”

“What ass? You got more ass than me, zaddy.” you pulled back to look at him, finding him smiling already.

“Oh yeah, what was it you said to me the other day, I’m ‘triple cheeked up’?” he snorted and you laughed again, remembering how you’d been discussing his ass for a good twenty minutes.

It was cute how he’d ask you what you meant when you used terms like that.

“Damn right you are. And me and the whole internet agree you should share some of that cake for those less fortunate!”

Henry rolled his eyes and moved you so you were laying on your tummy on the bed now, his head resting on your ass.

“Fair request but I’d rather keep my cake and get all this extra cake of yours to myself.”

“Man, I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Everything I’ve ever wanted, remember that.”

---

The rest of the morning was spent in happier spirits. You thanked Henry again during breakfast for letting you cry and for reassuring you that he wasn’t going anywhere, stating that you felt much better about the whole thing now.

It felt like a weight had been lifted and you were glad you didn’t shy away from speaking up even as much as it scared you. You had to remind yourself that Henry loved you and it was ok to feel doubt sometimes, he would always be there to help make you feel better and you had nothing to worry about. He was yours. You were his.

The usually dreary and rainy English weather had broken it’s chain to give you quite a sunny day today, still chilly but perfect to take Kal for a walk in the park and run some errands, maybe convince Henry to let make a stop at a store you’d been dying to check out since it opened.

You had just arrived at the park and was about to get out of the car when you spotted someone already taking photos of you and Henry from across the road.

“Fuck, I’m not even really dressed up. I didn’t put on any makeup today either, Henry I can’t do this. Everyone’s gonna see those pics and say things about me..I-I can’t!” you wanted to cry all over again.

Maybe it was wishful thinking to assume that after Henry’s pep talk this morning and even through breakfast that everything would be fixed. You were still in a vulnerable state and had a ways to go before your confidence was back in that place you knew it could be.

Henry turned to face you, his back blocking anyone’s view of you.

“We don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to. We can go to another park, my love. I only want you to feel comfortable. And remember, your worth doesn’t change because of someone’s ugly and bitter opinions about you. No matter what happens or what’s said, you are still beautiful and smart and badass.”

Your breathing began to even out as he rubbed your back and kept encouraging you with his words.

“We can go somewhere else, it’s not a problem, just say the word.”

Kal was in the back, ears perked up and eager to explore the outside again and seeing his cute fluffy face and then Henry’s, you felt better again, knowing that Henry would be right by your side if you stepped out, reminded again that this was your family. You were safe to be yourself here.

“It’s ok, I think I can do this. I wanna try.” you nodded your approval and took a deep breath, climbing out of the car.

Henry did the same, getting Kal and his leash situated before holding out his free hand for you to take, pressing another kiss to your hand when you did.

“That’s my girl.”

You’d never get over hearing him say those words, they filled you with butterflies and made you smile, giving you the strength to ignore anybody else, fuck em, you were living your best life with the best man and the best dog, nothing else mattered.

Maybe regaining your confidence and being able to shut down those thoughts of self loathing and negativity weren’t going to be easy but you could remember doing it before and succeeding and thought this was new territory to navigate and a new situation than the last time, you could do it again, and Henry being there to encourage and support you would be even better.

You were gonna be ok, periodt.

---

You held hands as you walked, snapping a million pics of Kal being absolutely adorable and saying hi to the usual people you saw walking everyday.

Things felt serene, calm, like there was an air of hope around everything, it felt fresh and you liked it, wanted to lean into that and soak it in. The sunshine also did wonders to help your mood.

A good twenty minutes into your walk, Henry pulls out his phone and hands you the leash.

“I know you said not to address it before but...I’m gonna do it.” he winked at you and at first you were confused at what he meant but then you realized.

He was gonna make a video addressing people’s comments about you and it half thrilled and terrified you. You didn’t want it to start drama, you’d witnessed the way things got ugly the times Henry replied back in your defense to someone being ignorant but it was incredibly endearing to see him support and defend you so fearlessly.

You had to hold in your laughter as he started to speak to the camera, starting it off by prefacing what a lovely day it was in London, turning his phone so it was on you and Kal. You giggled and blew a kiss at him before looking away, knowing Henry was about to rip everyone a new one.

“So I’m here on this lovely Sunday morning with my best girl and the best dog in the world to remind you that racism and body shaming and hateful comments towards the people I love will not be tolerated, we can all do better than that. It’s something I take seriously, as should you because you never know what someone is dealing with privately and it’s also just a cool thing to be decent, kind human beings!”

You watched him continue on for a little bit longer, bright smile etched upon your features. He honestly looked really hot defending you like that, and then with the concentrated look he had on his face while typing out a caption and uploading it to his insta. He was giving you that ride or die type energy and you were so in love.

“How was that?” he quirked an eyebrow and put his arm over your shoulder, mindful not to mess up the twists you’d put your hair into earlier that morning.

“Honestly pretty hot.” it came out breathy and the look you gave him after let him know exactly how you were feeling bout it.

---

After finishing up at the park and stopping at a couple stores, you were back home, Kal settling down now that he’d gotten his energy out for the time being.

“So I want to revisit something you said earlier, love. C’mere.” Henry sat back on the couch, kicking his boots off. The way he was sitting, thighs on full display in his jeans, it only served to add to the multitude of dirty thoughts you were having.

“Oh?” you played innocent, coming to sit in his lap.

“Mhm, something about the statement I made being hot to you. I want to touch on that again. And also show you how much I love and appreciate your body and how sexy I find you.” his voice dropped in pitch and you were done for.

He was always so good at these little acts of worship, as he called them. And there was no way you’d resist him.

You hummed your approval as he pulled you in for a deep kiss, his tongue gliding over yours, your hands and his seeking each other out, tugging at clothes, the need to be so close to each other taking over.

“You have no idea what you do to me, every day. I swear, love.” Henry nipped at your bare shoulder, standing up and taking you with him.

His movements were so sure, so strong.

He lay you on the soft sheets of your bed, careful not to crush you completely as he settled on top of you, lips finding your neck once more.

“I could never get tired of this, of you. I want you to know that. I want to be here, always.”

Your heart melts and you get even wetter all at the same time, smiling and moaning softly as Henry undresses you and showers you in kisses and love bites.

The room begins to heat up and you can no longer breathe normally as Henry buries his face between your thighs, his fingers working in unison with his tongue.

He flattened it out and flicked it over your clit, sucking and spitting on your pussy, letting it drip down over your folds before pressing his lips against you again.

His beard grazed against your skin, making your squirm and cry out but he’s so strong his arms keep you in place, his mouth moving along with your hips.

“Fuck, fuck oh my god, baby!” you dig your nails into his forearm, so close to letting go, the pressure building.

And then he pulls away and you nearly scream.

“You’re so unfair!” you huff, but still unable to resist him as he came up for air, pulling him towards you to kiss him. You could taste yourself on his tongue.

He licked his fingers and grinned at you.

“I promise you’ll get to come as many times as you want tonight. I just want you to fall apart on my dick, that’s all. I wanna fuck you senseless.” he pushed you back gently, your legs already sliding around his back.

“Fuck me then, please. I want you so bad!” you whine and rock your hips into him, knowing the friction felt good.

You asked and Henry was keen on delivering exactly that.

Your legs were up on his shoulders as he slid into you again and again, going deeper each time, hitting that spot that made your legs shake.

He pressed warm kisses to your calves and ankles, chuckling when you trembled and pulled at the sheets, the bed rocking back and forth from the force of his thrusts.

He was so big and thick, it always took some time to get used to but you loved it, loved the feeling of him filling you up so deep, the way you’d stretch around him.

Henry grunted out praise and compliments about your body, how he thought about you like this when he was away from home, countless times you got him hard at inappropriate times because you were just that sexy to him. That he loved you endlessly and wanted to show you and make you feel loved in a hundred different ways.

It was so nasty but so romantic at the same time and you were living for it.

“You feel so fucking good you know that, baby? Come on, look at me while I fuck you.”

It was hard to focus but for him you’d manage anything, biting your lip and surrendering yourself to the emotions and heat flowing between you both.

Henry kept a steady pace, fucking you hard and deep, coaxing you for more after every orgasm he pulled from you, praising you and telling you that you were his, only his.

It was everything and you found yourself a babbling mess by the time he came deep inside you with a strangled cry, sweat coating both your bodies, and still he placed sloppy kisses to your lips, laughing with you as you both caught your breaths.

You kept your legs wrapped around him, wanting him to stay inside you for a little while longer, relishing in the feeling of him. Letting your mind float back into your body, where it solidified the fact that Henry was your man and he loved you and it was as simple and deep as that.

He was everything you’d ever wanted in a partner and you were the same for him and through your insecurities and rough patches, you’d be there for each other. Nothing could change that.

“I don’t think I can walk but fuck...I love you, Henry.”

“Ah that just means I get to carry you everywhere. And I love you too, angel. Always.”

---

Ahhh so I hope this was alright!

Shoutout to all my sensitive black girls out there who struggle with self esteem and self worth, we’re so valid and beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve love and affection and I know you will all receive what you always put out!

Also I’m deep in my Henry feels and hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you think, thank you for reading!!

——————————————————————————

Tags: @themyscxiras @chaneajoyyy @wittysunflower @amirra88 @lady-olive-oil @fumbling-fanfics @designerwriterchic @dc41896 @endless00paradise @oceanscorazon @champagnesugamama @ml0103 @mimigemrose@beaminglife @avfug @earthsmightiestasses @crushed-pink-petals @titty-teetee @lifesaverslipstick-n-melanin @kati-1997 @skinnyevilcunt @forbeautyandlife @captstefanbrandt @veryhellshdia @amelatonin @jbrizzywrites @xo-goldengirl @tgigoldie @quaint-and-curious @yaint-me @savvy-ivvory @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @blowmymbackout @captainsamwlsn @carefreebarnes @harduy @breddiefrooks @curvynsweet @vvigilantes @est1887 @p-writes @thorohdamnson @ellixthea @lovelymari4 @littlesouthernrebelle @uhlxis @lareine-c-blog @captainfiveby5 @blackandnoir @wildfirecracker @xkandixrose @eclecticblkgirl @pananegra @honey-poooh @bibicarson @ceelikedat @sheagawdess @ljstraightnochaser @savemeroman @m00nlightdelights @thottio @yaunaz @jetaimeamore @melo-yello @glitterandheatlightning @lavitabella87 @laketaj24 @hushfakeomens @valkyriesnymph @notsomellowmushroom @write-fromthe-start @theitcaramelchick @felicity-x0 @nina-skyee @islanddgal @princess-evans-addict @bluestarego @jaz-wegott @munteanhore @thegetawaywriter @nina-sj

#amalia writes #henry cavill x black reader #henry cavill x poc #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill oneshot #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fics #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fic #henry cavill x woc #henry cavill

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ri-ahhh · 4 years ago

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bad day

MJ has a bad day dealing with her snotty coworker, who wants MJ’s promotion and her boyfriend.

4.8k

warnings: potentially triggering BD thoughts/language; smut; obnoxious amount of fluff cuz idk about you but I need some softness

“Hi sweetheart,” Grayson says with a smile as MJ stalks into the living room with a scowl. She plops next to him on the couch and hurls her heels off with a flourished kick, glaring at where they land a few feet away on the shaggy rug. His grin falls when he notices her pinched face and lack of returned greeting. “Rough day?”

MJ nods and curls into his side, silently pleading for him to wrap her in his arms. Grayson obliges immediately and pulls her into his lap, tucking her as close to his chest as he can. When MJ asks for physical affection as comfort, which isn’t as often as you might think considering that’s one of the best ways she shows love, Grayson knows she really needs it.

“’S the matter, Peach?” he asks gently with a kiss to her forehead. He smooths her long hair down and scratches his nails lightly on her thigh as she snakes her arms around his waist. “Chanel again?”

Chanel Marten is MJ’s coworker and a petty, idiotic thorn in her side; every bit the LA bimbo with the stereotypical Barbie looks and meanness to match. When she isn’t calling MJ fat behind her back or constantly trying to undercut her to their bosses in light of an upcoming promotion they’re both up for, she’s actively hinting at how much she disapproves of MJ and Grayson together. She’s been a fan of the twins for years, and doesn’t make it a secret that she is very much attracted to Grayson, which MJ finds partly amusing and wholly fucking annoying.

“God, how do you let him go to those influencer parties alone?” Was what she asked earlier today at their office. She was scrolling through the series of photos on Grayson’s latest Instagram post from the night before, looking his sexiest in that half-open linen button-down and his Louis pants. “I wouldn't let him out of my sight in public if I were you.”

MJ glanced over at her blonde coworker and couldn’t believe the audacity of this woman to go through her man’s Instagram right in front of her. She didn’t acknowledge it, answering her question instead. “I trust him. And he’s not alone, he’s always with Ethan.”

Chanel twirled her hair and sighed, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. It was the end of the day on a Friday, and she probably could have gone home already, but had instead chosen to wheel her desk chair into MJ’s office across the hall from her own. For what, exactly, MJ didn’t know; they were far from friends, barely amicable coworkers at best. Antagonizing MJ was probably the start of a good weekend for Chanel.

Her suspicions were answered a moment later with Chanel’s next choice of words, her irritating vocal fry even more prominent than usual. “Yeah, but all of those IG models in one room, and you guys aren’t, like, super public. What if he wants a taste of what he doesn’t have?”

MJ squeezed her mouse in a death grip, but didn’t divert her gaze from her screen. “What are you implying, Chanel?” she asked irritatedly, her patience running at the thickness of a piece of paper for the bitch by then. She had already thrown MJ under the bus in their morning meeting with their bosses for something MJ’s intern had screwed up in their presentation, and MJ had caught her making snide comments in the break room about her ‘birthing hips’ and ‘thunder thighs’ to Annie the Asshole from Accounting. Annie was another coworker who, upon learning that MJ wouldn't invite Grayson along to after-work drinks simply so she could meet him, had immediately put MJ in her hypothetical burn book.

Right then, she finally had a moment to go back into their projections and fix what her intern Alessia had mistyped in the final presentation copy, and Chanel was only serving as both a reminder of her actions in the meeting and a distraction from her getting her work done.

MJ wanted nothing more than to be at home with Grayson by then, a tension headache creeping steadily up the back of her neck and into her temples. She had been the lead on this client presentation, so staying at the office until nine or ten at night hadn’t been an unusual occurrence lately; she was only glad by then that this was the end of a rough few weeks of work as soon as she was done fixing Alessia’s errors.

Chanel smirked but hid it as a simper of sympathy, clearly thrilled she was visibly getting under MJ’s skin. “I’m just saying, MJ, you’re super pretty, but, like, you don’t work out that much, right?I never see you in the gym here, or hear you mention going to one after work. I mean, Grayson being surrounded by girls who do fitness for a living would have to be like being in a candy store for him. We both know how much he cares about living a healthy lifestyle.”

She double-tapped the post, her too-long nails that were clearly trying to emulate Kylie Jenner’s or the like clicking obnoxiously against the screen, and sat back in her office chair. “I think if I were you, I’d quit this place and concentrate on building a following. Maybe try the fitness influencer route, yourself. It’s a pretty good trade-off, if you think about it; Grayson gives you clout, and you get snatched for him. And, you’d be able to keep a close eye on him. Boys will be boys, after all.”

That did it. Chanel Marten didn’t know her life, and she sure as hell didn’t know Grayson’s character. MJ finally took her attention off her iMac to give Chanel a glare that rivaled Lily’s ‘you’re dead to me’ look in How I Met Your Mother. It took every ounce of self control she possessed to hold herself back from acting on the overwhelming urge to punch Chanel’s newly-doctored nose.

Upon realizing MJ was done fucking around, Chanel’s smug smile slowly faded, until all pretenses were dropped, and the two women just stared at one another. No more fronts — not cordial coworkers anymore, but rival ones.

MJ knew what this girl was doing. Trying to make her insecure in her relationship with Grayson, and question her position in the firm so she wouldn’t go for the promotion. Chanel was as dumb as she looked if she thought either of these would work, but MJ had had enough of both her intelligence and her appearance being so blatantly insulted. She swiveled back to her computer and started doing the last couple of tweaks to the report that she had started before Chanel so rudely barged in.

“You know, next time you wanna pull a fast one and make me take the fall for an intern error, I’ll be happy to let Lacey know you’ve made us all rush this presentation by turning your last three sections of analytics in late, which is why I didn’t have time to review Alessia’s portion since I had to work your shit in last minute. I have time stamps on my email to prove it. Not to mention, the screen recordings of Snapchat stories of you at Saddle Ranch that someone showed me from the same nights you sent them. Should be pretty beneficial for my interview for Executive VP next month, don’t you think?”

MJ smiled and emailed the altered report back to her boss, Lacey, and made sure her computer was completely locked down before reaching into a cabinet for her purse and lunchbox. She stood and looked down at Chanel, who had her arms crossed tightly and her overfilled lips pursed so they were unusually pale and thin. MJ was going to leave it at that, but she was very much done being the bigger person, and a brief moment of pettiness came over her.

“And I hope you do find a man as good as Gray one day; maybe having someone as kind and real as him will make you less of a cold-hearted bitch.” MJ dug her keys out of her purse, motioning with her eyes from Chanel to the open door. “Now, please get out of my office. I’m ready to go home to my amazing, faithful, sexy boyfriend.”

Chanel scoffed and rolled her eyes but did as she was told, rolling back to her desk and giving MJ the cold shoulder as she breezed past her office.

“I didn’t fucking do anything to her,” MJ whines into Grayson’s neck after relaying all of this to him. Her bravado and smugness towards Chanel had dropped almost as soon as she reached her car in the parking garage of her downtown office building. Her insecurities had crept into her brain to join her full-fledged migraine and made driving home in traffic an even bigger nightmare than usual. “She’s hated me since the day I started there, no matter how nice I’ve tried to be.”

“She’s jealous, baby,” Grayson murmurs at once, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “You’ve come in and been there half the time she has, done the same job way better than her, and got recognized for it. Nobody likes to be outshone.”

MJ sighs and squeezes him reflexively as she moves on to the other half of Chanel’s dislike for her. “And it’s like getting bullied by the head cheerleader in high school. She basically told me I was too fat for you and that I don’t work out enough to ‘keep up with your healthy lifestyle.’” She lets out a little mirthless huff of laughter. “I mean, usually she says it behind my back to Annie the Asshole from Accounting, so I guess I should be appreciative that she at least had the decency to say it in so many words to my face tonight.”

Grayson sits in silence for a moment, seething internally at the thought that some dumb bitch who doesn’t know him in the slightest could have the nerve to talk to and about his girlfriend like that. He reaches for his phone on the couch next to them. “First of all, you're not fat, and I’d love you just the same even if you were. Second, give me all her at’s. I’m blocking this girl on everything.”

God, could the man get any more perfect? MJ sits up some and cups his face, shaking her head with a small smile. “No, no, it’s okay, Bear. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to me. If anything, I’d want you to post a thirst trap just so she can see what’s not her’s. What’s mine.”

“I think that could be arranged tonight,” he smirks, giving her a chaste kiss.

She attempts to smile back, but it turns into a grimace as her head gives a massive throb out of nowhere. “Shit,” she mumbles, pressing her fingertips against her temples. Grayson gives her a concerned look before she explains, “Headache.”

It takes all of three seconds for Grayson to secure one arm around her back and hook the other under her knees, standing and holding her bridal style. “Come on,” he says, like she really has a choice in the matter, and starts carrying her to their room. MJ wraps her arms around his neck and nuzzles her head into his shoulder with her eyes closed to block out the evening sun. “We’re taking a bath, then I’ll order dinner to eat in bed while we have a movie night.”

MJ nods gratefully. As usual, he knows exactly what she needs. “Ratatouille?”

Grayson chuckles at the hopeful tone in her voice. Ratatouille is one of MJ’s ‘sick’ movies; something quiet and nostalgic that offers that weird feeling of peace that you need when you just don’t feel good. “Of course, Ratatouille.”

He sits her on the counter once they reach the ensuite bathroom and pinches her chin gently between his thumb and forefinger, planting a warm, lingering kiss on her lips; not heated, but comforting. Just what she needs in that moment.

“Stay put,” he commands quietly. MJ agrees and starts to unbutton her blouse as she watches Grayson step into the closet, pulling out one of her favorite t-shirts of his and a pair of his boxers. He puts the folded items next to her on the counter and helps her untuck the shirt from her cigarette trousers, tossing it in the dry-cleaning pile before reaching into one of her drawers and retrieving her makeup wipes.

MJ sighs and closes her eyes as she lets him gently drag the fresh-smelling cloth against the skin of her face. They aren't part of her usual skincare regimen, but Grayson has been exposed to her routine long enough and is perceptive enough to know that they’re for late nights, or ones like tonight, when she just doesn't have the energy to do more.

It feels better than if she had been able to get herself to use face wash and toner and such, anyways. The coolness of it and pressure of his fingers feel wonderful against her eyes and cheeks, alleviating some of the pain there momentarily.

MJ flutters her eyes open when he’s done. “Thank you, Bear,” she sighs, which he replies to with a kiss before walking over to the soaking tub. She hops off the counter and unbuckles her belt and pants, then unhooks her bra and steps out of her underwear.

Her reflection in the mirror glares back at her, Grayson in the background fiddling with the knobs on the tub to get the temperature of the water just right. She watches his muscles ripple with the slightest movements, his abs outlined through the fabric of his t-shirt, and can’t help but focus back in on herself. There’s some extra squish around her upper thighs and arms that no amount of training would get rid of; a softness to her tummy that probably comes from her undying love of Oreos, which are her nighttime vice. When she compares the two of them in this intimate space, maybe Chanel was right…

“Stop that.”

MJ startles a little and looks up in the mirror from where she had unconsciously started pinching and picking at what were really the bits of healthy pudginess under her skin, to find Grayson standing directly behind her. The harshness in his tone makes her withdraw and blush some, embarrassed that he had caught her at such an insecure moment.

He wraps his arms around her middle, his open palms brushing against the skin of her belly. His touch both warms her insides and causes them to erupt in nervous tingles. For some reason, MJ has a hard time seeing the two of them like this, with her completely naked and him fully clothed. She isn't afraid, never with Grayson, but she feels incredibly vulnerable in a way she isn't used to with him.

Grayson presses a kiss to the back of her head and makes sure they have eye contact through the mirror before he continues. “I’ll be damned if I let some idiot girl who doesn't matter to either of us make you feel like you’re not enough, MJ. You’re perfect, you hear me? You’re perfect, and I wouldn't change one inch of you, inside or out. Please don’t pick yourself apart like that.”

His voice holds a mixture of conviction and sadness, and MJ bites her lip as she sinks her back into his chest, her arms folding around his at her waist. She brushes her palm across the crisp, dark hairs covering one of his forearms.

“I could work out a little harder, though,” she murmurs after a few seconds of silence. “And cut back on a few carbs.”

Grayson looks at her incredulously. She’s lean and athletic, but it’s impossible to have the juicy, natural perfection of her ass and those breasts without a little extra, which he actually adores; she’s the very definition of slim-thick, a beautiful personification of the word.

He isn’t sure what kills him more inside: to think he hasn’t made it abundantly clear to her that he loves every square inch of her body; or if girls, society, whoever it is, make her think that the hard work she puts into her physique isn’t enough simply because she has a body type that isn’t what Instagram or people like Chanel deem ‘perfect’.

Either way, he’s going to rectify things right this instant.

“First of all, MJ, I know exactly how hard you work out; I’m doing it every morning with you, five days a week at 6 AM, remember? I’m the last person to lie to anyone about how much effort they give in their fitness. I know how hard you push yourself.”

He spins her around and cups her cheeks in his big hands. His stomach withers and his heart hurts when he sees the faint glitter of tears illuminating her emerald green eyes, making him want to be extra sure his next words are heard loud and clear. “Second, if I ever see that family sized box of double-stuffed Oreos in the trash, not empty, I’ll have a meltdown wondering where the hell my girlfriend went. Please, MJ. Those girls at your work are miserable cunts who only want what they can’t have. Don’t bring that energy back here, on us. I love you, exactly as you are.”

MJ takes a moment and considers his words before relenting with a nod. He’s right. Chanel and Annie should be the last things she’s thinking about when she’s got the man of her dreams right in front of her, saying all the right things and bringing her back to reality with his sweet, supportive words.

“I’m sorry,” she sighs, leaning in for a tight hug from him. “I love you, too.”

“Don’t apologize,” Gray assures, rubbing her back soothingly. “Let’s have a nice, relaxing night now, okay?”

MJ nods, pulling away enough from his body to grasp the hem of his t-shirt. He wags his brows playfully as he lifts his arms so she can pull the garment over his head, and gives her a quick smile before ducking down to kiss her.

She seems to be feeling slightly better, and a weight lifts from his chest at the realization. “Don’t distract me,” he mumbles against her lips after they make out lazily for a few moments. “Or our bath will overflow.”

“Don’t be so perfect, then,” she says back with a smirk, giving his ass a little swat as he returns to the tub and drops a Lush bath bomb and a chunk of bubble bar into the water.

While he does that, MJ opens one of the medicine cabinets. She isn’t big on taking pills, but she relents today and pops an Excedrin as her head pounded again. Once she swallows it with a handful of water from the sink, she starts to pile her hair into a bun, but is stopped by Gray’s grip on her forearm.

Her eyes had zoned out on a random spot on the counter, but at the pressure of his hand she looks up in the mirror to see him as naked as she is. “Don’t be silly,” he chides lightly, a smile toying at the corners of his lips. “You’re getting the full treatment tonight, Peach. I’ve got your shampoo and conditioner ready to go over there.”

He pulls gently down on her arm, and her hair tumbles back down over her shoulders and back as she lets him tug her to the warm, foamy water.

Ten minutes later, the Excedrin has kicked in, soft music from their ‘chill’ playlist plays through Grayson’s phone on the edge of the tub, and his strong fingers are creating heavenly relief for her as they scrub at her scalp. She’s totally relaxed in front of him, letting his broad chest and shoulders cocoon her smaller frame as her eyes droop and she moans lightly.

“I’m sorry you had a bad day, sweetheart,” he whispers in her ear, making her shiver despite the steaming water they sit in. She snuggles closer to his warmth. “And I’m sorry you have to deal with those assholes every day.”

It takes a moment for her brain to form the words, but she hums contentedly in reply. “It’s okay. Don’t know what I’d do without you, though, Gray.”

It’s so true. She has never been the girl to be codependent on anyone, let alone the man she’s in a relationship with, but Gray has achieved that honor in a matter of a year and a half. Probably earlier, if she were being honest with herself, but her adult life before him was a blur. She’s forgotten what it was like to not have him by her side, and she doesn’t want to imagine a scenario in the future where he isn’t.

He finishes washing her hair, lulling her into an even deeper trance when he moves her dark, wet locks over one shoulder so he can massage her neck with deep presses of his thumbs into her tight muscles. His fingers are nimble and dexterous, strengthened by his renewed passion for rock climbing, and are perfect for loosening the tension under her skin.

“Mmm, fuck,” she moans, not meaning for it to come out quite so pornographic, but she feels nearly orgasmic in the relief his hands are bringing her. Speaking of… “You’re gonna get the best head tomorrow, I promise.”

Grayson chuckles, squeezing her shoulders now, too. MJ feels him twitch against her lower back, but he says in her ear, “I’m not doing this for you to return the favor. I just want to be the one to make you feel better. Because I love you, and you’re mine, and you deserve it.”

“I know you’re not,” MJ smiles. “That only makes me want to do it even more.”

He grins and moves his hands further down her back beneath the water, massaging his knuckles into the soft skin there as well before coasting up her sides. He cups her breasts as MJ sinks back against him, her breathing picking up the slightest bit as his hands work magic there, too.

“Is this okay?” he asks, his hot breath flowing straight into her ear and sending goosebumps flaring over her skin.

More than okay, she thinks. MJ nods, and gasps when his hands pinch her nipples gently between his ring and middle fingers, tugging slightly. She takes his large hand off her right breast and sinks it into the water, straight to her center, her legs already parting to welcome him.

“Just rub me,” she whispers, eyes closed as he doesn’t hesitate to obey. “Circles, like this.”

MJ guides his fingers over her clit for a moment to show him exactly what she wants, but this isn’t their first rodeo and Gray knows perfectly well what he’s doing. She lets him take over and simply lies back against him as he expertly brings her higher and higher, until she’s falling over the edge, twitching in his arms and moaning sweetly.

Grayson tilts her head back to kiss him, sighing into her mouth as she twists in his arms to straddle him. He’s completely hard now, and she takes him in her hand instinctively. Twenty minutes ago, sex was the last thing on her mind, but she feels so good and relaxed now that she doesn’t hesitate to line him up and sink down slowly on his dick.

She grins smugly when his eyes fly open and he lets out an embarrassingly loud moan, completely surprised by a warm wetness that is vastly different from that of the bathwater. When she had stroked him in her hand he thought she might jerk him off, but her pussy, still deliciously tight from her orgasm, isn’t what he’s prepared for as he becomes slowly encased in it.

It’s a good thing she doesn’t meant for it to last long, because he’s so overwhelmed and caught off-guard it only takes a couple of minutes max of her grinding up and down on him while she whispers hot, dirty things in his ear, for him to shoot deep inside her.

“Shit,” he huffs out with a little laugh as she raises herself up enough for him to slip out of her pussy. “Did you just give me the equivalent of a hand job with your vagina? I know that wasn’t for you.”

She giggles and sits back in his lap, shrugging as she nuzzles his nose with hers. “What can I say, I’m feeling lazy tonight and that seemed like the faster option. Are you complaining?”

Grayson shakes his head vehemently. “Of course not, but I didn't want you to do any work tonight.” His brows pinch a bit and his lips turn down into a pout. “Are you okay? How’s your head?”

MJ smiles softly and brushes his cheek with pruned fingertips. Even post-orgasm, he’s still concerned only about her. “Better, Gray-bear. Thank you.”

God, she loves him so much. She can’t resist wiping her hands on the towel and reaching behind him to grab his phone to capture him in that moment. His hair has gone curly in the humidity of the bathroom; the light from the window shines perfectly on his chiseled face, making his sex-eyes nearly pure green and illuminating his full lips that have curled into a small, crooked smile as he realizes her intention. She laughs when he takes it upon himself after a few serious snaps to play up to the camera, scooping up some of the bubbles and blowing them off his palm while giving her a joking, coquettish expression. Finally, she puts her back against his chest once again and they take a couple of goofy, up-angle shots, close-ups of their faces.

Photoshoot over, Grayson sighs and hugs her tight to him as he sucks kisses up and down the sides of her neck while she goes through the pictures. He’s making her head swim, but she manages to determine three of her favorites and doesn’t even bother editing them before adding a simple heart emoji in the caption and posting them to his Instagram once she earns his approval.

She turns around to put the phone back on the ledge before leaning in to plant her lips on his, slipping her tongue between them sensually. She could kiss this man forever, but eventually they start slowing down. MJ moves her kisses to his sharp jawline, trailing her mouth across and down until she gets to his neck freckle. She gives it a peck before pulling back, meeting his hooded gaze with warm eyes. It feels so good to just give each other these little bouts of physical affection with no real end goal. Just enjoying each other’s company, in their own space, caressed by the comforting warmth and scents of the bath.

Eventually, MJ peels herself away from him and stands up. Grayson stares up at her adoringly, admiring the way the water cascades over her body and rains down back into the tub. “C’mon, I’m hungry.”

She looks like a naiad with her long, dark hair covering her tits and dripping sensual trails of warm water down the dips and curves of her body. As if she doesn’t look delectable enough to him right now, her pussy is inadvertently right in his face, and his hand instantly reaches up to touch her. “Me too,” he growls, his fingertips tracing her lower lips and parting them so her clit is exposed. His mouth literally starts to water as he thinks about her earthy taste and her slippery arousal coating his tongue.

Just as he’s ducking in to swipe his tongue over her slit, MJ grips a handful of his hair and stops him, tilting his head back with that grip to make him look up at her questioningly. “Not now,” she says, taking her turn to scratch her nails along his scalp for a moment. “Still sensitive. And actually starving; I had to spend my entire lunch break fixing part of that report.”

Grayson nods understandingly and lifts the plug in the drain before standing up as well. “Then let’s get some Monty’s in you, hm?”

“That sounds amazing,” she agrees, her stomach growling right on cue.

They both chuckle and Grayson helps her step out of the tub before wrapping her up in a big, fluffy towel. He kisses her nose, then her lips, and retreats into the closet with his own towel to find fresh PJs for himself.

An hour later, they’re chowing down on some burgers and shoestring fries together in the fresh blankets of their bed while Ratatouille plays through the projector. And Chanel’s stupid username hasn’t popped up once in his likes or comments.

#only posting this now bc ive been in a funk the past few days #and i need some soft over romantic fluff #also when i made my masterlist i realized there were 6 posts #and the number 6 is a huge trigger for my ocd i hate it #also this was already written haha so yeah #dolan twins #grayson dolan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan smut #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan oc #dolan twins fanfic #grayson mj

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the-black-fox · 5 years ago

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Alfred´s birthday chapter two:

Marinette slowly woke up with a smile on her beautiful features as she listened to her parents sing to her with a melodious and soft voice "Happy Birthday".

When the song ended and she was completely awake she got out of bed to be received by her parents who gave her a warm embrace and many kisses.

While her mother spoke up-

“Happy birthday my sweet child, your father and I will be downstairs serving the breakfast while you change, so don't take too long to be ready.”

As after soon her parents left, Marinette washed her face, styled her hair and put on a pretty dress as fast as she could and once she was ready she paused for a moment to look at the Kwamis who after all were still sleeping peacefully.

Those little gods who had provided her with so much support and advice when she had become the Guardian of the Miraculous so suddenly and at an age where she still had so many questions and so very few answers. She felt really happy to have meet and come to love them all in her life.

Apparently she had stayed a long time thinking about the Kwamis because her mother was calling her again, she was about to answer “comin mom” but she realized that maybe the noise would wake up the kawamis so she just rushed down the stairs.

When she arrived at the dining room, her parents were waiting for her with gift boxes and an appetizing breakfast, so without delay she sat down and began to eat, leaving the gifts for after the food.

Breakfast was filled with laughter and embarrassing memories from when she was still an infant. And also her gift was an amazing drawing quit.

However, in the end she was surprised that her father had put a cake on the table, because they always cut the cake at night.

Her doubt was quickly resolved when her father said -

“Sweetie, your mom and I were requested to make three wedding cakes so we may not be able to get out of the kitchen for the entire day so we would like to cut the cake now that we can.”

When she saw the fear of disappointing her in her father's eyes and the doubt in his voice, Marinette smiled like an angel and with an understanding voice she said

“Dad, Mom, please don't worry, I have also had commissions {and duties as ladybug } that have made me miss activities with you or my friends, so let's enjoy this little free time that we have together.”

After that, they cut the cake and her parents embraced her and told her that they couldn't ask for a better daughter than her.

When Marinette went up to her room she was wrapped in a hug formed by the little Kwamis that began to sing to different versions of happy birthday in different languages, while other kwamis were bringing her a cake from...wait was that a portal, Oh well, never mind.

After tikki had finished giving her little speech, it was time to eat the cake that the kwamis had baked. Marinette had no worries since she knew that many of them know how to cook and that Tikki knew what she liked, so while the kwamis looked at her with pride, she proceeded to blow the candles and cut a slice of the cake.

To be honest, the cake was gorgeously decorated with small and complex patterns, impossible for a human hand to make but a game for the paws of the kwamis and as for its taste it was something unique and exotic, it had so many combinations of flavors and textures that she would never have imagined possible.

In a few words, the cake was something spectacular.

All the kwamis cheer to the reaction that their cake caused.And without further ado, all of them served themselves a slices of cake, eager to dig in.

The rest of the day marinette received a video call from her Nona, Adrian and several phone calls from her aunt and uncles but none from her friends. However she was not worried at all, because it was a tradition to throw her a surprise party every 2 or 3 years.

Seeing that she had nothing to do, Marinette transformed herself into her alter ego and sit on the roofs of Paris to patiently wait for her friends to call her.

A call that she waited till the sky became completely dark and the clock on her yo-yo struck 10 o'clock.

Only then she understood a heartbreaking truth, that this time her friends had really forgotten about her, not like years ago that they would only pretend to forget her on her birthday to only surprise her.

And slowly but surely she felt fat tears fall from her eyes. She heard footsteps behind her and then felt an embrace from familiar arms.

When she turned slightly around to greet the person that was hugging her,

her eyes met a pair of green, cat-shaped eyes.

“Maribug, what's the problem? Plagg told me this afternoon that you were very happy this morning.”

Upon seeing that Adrian was really worried about her, she began to explain what was making her so sad.-

“My friends forgot me chaton, at the beginning I thought they were throwing me a surprise party but when the clock struck ten and nobody had called me, I understood that they had really forgot me”

“Maribug if there is one lesson that I have learned in all these years it´s that people sometimes forget about other people, things or even themselves, simply because they have too many thoughts or too much work to do.”

“Why are you telling me this chat?.”

“Because this morning I saw Nino while I was doing my photo shoot and he told me that since Paris is free from Hawk Moth, he is now able to make music the way he used to, and even a wave of ideas for new music has come to him after so many years of suppressing most of his emotions. And I wouldn't be surprised if the rest of our friends are doing the same.”

After the conversation chat wished her a happy birthday and a good night.

The whole night Marinette kept thinking about Adrian's words, after all they were true, her friends were resuming activities that they had stopped doing for fear of becoming akumatized and perhaps it was true that in their emotion they had forgotten about the rest of the world.

Maybe she should do the same. Focus on herself and take a little break from everything.

When Marinette saw through her window that it was almost morning and that there was no longer any point in trying to sleep she, went downstairs to have breakfast and take a little walk in the park to stretch her legs.

When she was walking through the park, she decided to sit for a minute to contemplate the beauty of the morning.

Everything was going well, until she saw a person entering the park, and as she turned to have a good look of the man, her eyes were met with a familiar pair of blue eyes.

Thank you very much all of you for your support and positive messages.

If you find any grammar mistakes or anything please comment it and I will change it and remember all the constructive criticism is welcome.

I am going to do a little bonus about this chapter that will be posted throughout the week

tag list open

@mochegato @scorchdragon88 @mystery-5-5 @maribat-is-lifeblood @schrodingers25 @moonlightstar64 @i-will-be-your-ace @fsketchart @damianette-is-life @maribat-central @queen-in-a-flower-crown

#Alfred's birthday #daminette #timinette #jasonette #dickinette #maribat

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jwayspillz · 4 years ago

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Is Lizzo Contrary to Body Positivity?

Let’s discuss!!!

Lizzo got into this controversy for sharing her juice cleanse routine on Tik Tok. It led to Lizzo trending all over Twitter with many expressing their disappointment of her dieting and her falling under the pressure of having a smaller frame due to the music industry. This controversy influenced my question-Is Lizzo contrary to body positivity-and is an extended conversation from my YouTube video about Lizzo’s brand. Before I provide my thoughts, here are others thoughts on the situation.

My Take

The controversy was very ridiculous and pointless, because Instragram influencers and models promote flat tummy teas and diet smoothies constantly, yet I don’t see a huge outrage for them “influencing unhealthy eating habits” or “promoting diet culture”. Lizzo just shared her juice cleanse routine and stated that if others were interested, then be advised by their doctors, She’s simply showing her lifestyle, such as dieting and exercising, so it made me wonder: when Lizzo is excercising and dieting, but she says she loves being big and plus-sized, is that contrary or against body positivity?

Anti-Body Positivity??

Earlier last month, Lizzo shared on tik tok that she disliked her body and that she was having negative thoughts about her body. Click link to view:

https://www.tiktok.com/@lizzo/video/6904153428281396486?referer_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosmopolitan.com%2F&referer_video_id=6904153428281396486&is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1

Before that tik tok was posted, she shared a video and the caption read.

“Wild to see the body positive movement come so far. Proud of the big girls who gave it wings. My body is changing but I’m gonna keep appreciating it from every angle.”

She’s been hinting at going through a weight loss journey and explains the tik tok of her disliking her body. After posting her daily juice cleanse, she posted the results of drinking the juice cleanse each day, basically to see her weight loss progress and explain that the juice cleanse helped to combat her gastrointestinal issues.

https://www.tiktok.com/@lizzo/video/6904313495207152901?referer_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosmopolitan.com%2F&referer_video_id=6904153428281396486&is_copy_url=0&is_from_webapp=v2&sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6912514083120383493

In response to the juice cleanse backlash, Lizzo intended that the juice cleanse was specifically for combating her gastrointestinal issues and to balance her body since she was eating and drinking a lot on Thanksgiving, but it was not for dramatic weight loss.

Based on prior posts I believe that Lizzo was trying to lose weight and I think she’s on a weight loss journey. It’s ridiculous that Lizzo has to explain herself when she exercises and diets, because other people are insecure of thenselves and projected their insecurities onto her. I don’t understand how its problematic that someone who is plus-sized is exercising or dieting, these are basic things included in our lifestyle and daily activities. Weirdly, she’s put on this pedestal of scrutiny and controversy for innocent things, because she’s plus-sized; yet other people are not held to the same task as her😕

What is Body Positivity?

Via VeryWellMind,

“Body positivity refers to the assertion that all people deserve to have a positive body image, regardless of how society and popular culture view ideal shape, size, and appearance. Some of the goals of the body positivity movement include:

challenging how society views the body

promoting the acceptance of all bodies

helping people build confidence and acceptance of their own bodies

addressing unrealistic body standards

Body positivity also aims to help people understand how popular media messages contribute to the relationship that people have with their bodies, including how they feel about food, exercise, clothing, health, identity, and self-care. By better understanding the effect that such influences have, the hope is that people can develop a healthier and more realistic relationship with their bodies.”

“With the understanding of body positivity and its purpose, then why are people upset and bothered by Lizzo’s juice cleanse” - Jwayspillz

I’ve seen posts from people who are a part of the body positive movement that criticized Lizzo for doing the juice cleanse. Many of them stating that Lizzo was being anti-body positivity, that she’s promoting diet culture and a toxic body standard. However, based on the concept of body positivity, shouldn’t Lizzo’s choice to juice cleanse, diet, exercise, etc be respected, especially since been done safely and been advised by her doctors.

Lizzo did nothing wrong, but people guilted her because they are insecure with their weight and body. Instead of personally dealing with their issues (counseling/talking to close family + friends), they found an excuse and scapegoat for their issues-Lizzo. Lizzo is so idolized and celebrated for being the face of plus-sized women and body positive movement that people started a controversy due to possibly losing their “plus-sized queen”.

For instance, one tweet from the pictures read “I’m going to miss seeing a body that looks like mine living wild and free like I want to”. It was so weird reading that, because Lizzo isn’t the only plus-sized figure in the media; she’s making it seem like Lizzo is the last big girl in the world🙃.

Another tweet reads from the pictures, “I think the disappointment lies in a lot of us (especially fat, black women) seeing ourselves in a woman who was so proud and confident in her body. It made us want to do the same to ours”. Once again, an insecurity, which should personally be worked on. Lizzo have been motivating and encouraging her fans to appreciate and love their bodies on numerous occasions. Lizzo can be an inspiration, but she can’t be the ultimate reason for them to embrace their bodies. It should be something that their comfortable in achieving, not just because Lizzo said so. Also, she never promoted anything negative about her body and that tweet made it seem like Lizzo just completely disregarded body positivity and said fuck body positivity.

How does this relate to my video?

https://youtu.be/nMs4hEv4qkY

youtube

As stated previously, this is an extended conversation from my YouTube video about Lizzo brand and I wanted to understand the opposing perspective. In fact, this whole juice cleanse controversy, along with other headlines and trending topics about Lizzo last year, inspired this video. I noticed how her brand, body positivity, have been affecting her brand since she’s came in the music scene with Truth Hurts. I would appreciate it if you watch and comment your thoughts on that video and this discussion (also subscribe and share my content as well😏).

I’ve basically concluded that this “controversy” was taken waaayyy out of proportions and was only “controversial” because Lizzo is plus-sized. I’ve seen many people on social media who celebrate their weight loss journey or completing healthy diets. In addition, I’ve seen people who celebrate and embrace being plus-sized. So the outrage for Lizzo’s juice cleanse was so hypocritical and dumb asf.

Overall, it’s an individual choice on what they want to do to their body. If you’re comfortable with being big, fat, plus-sized, then just do that. If you’re exercising or dieting to reach a certain goal, then do that. I understand the media and entertainment industry in general have always promoted one body type, which isn’t realistic for everyone. We all come in different shapes and sizes, so it should be represented thoroughly in the media, which is the purpose of body positivity.

However, it is unfair for Lizzo to be scrutinize for every little thing, whether exercising or dieting, just because she’s plus-sized. For instance, Lizzo was trending because Saweetie was eating junk food and people were like “but if Lizzo did that”. Literally, this situation had nothing to do with Lizzo, it was so uncalled for and unnecessary. Why not make that conversation about plus-sized individuals overall rather than just singling out one plus-sized person???

Lizzo always promotes self-love, encourages her fans, and advocates for body positivity, but the minute she does a juice cleanse all that gets thrown out the window and people from the body positive movement turns on her. A very weird and dumb situation. Interestingly, Lizzo expressed how she’s tired of being the brunt for all plus-sized women and how fame has amplied her personal struggles (like this stupid ass juice cleanse controversy). Both videos linked below: https://www.tiktok.com/@lizzo/video/6895111799134358790?sender_device=mobile&sender_web_id=6919766778344637958&is_from_webapp=v1&is_copy_url=0

View this post on Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/CGnW2gBhzf1/?igshid=acarimcw4oid

That’s all for this discussion, let me know you’re thoughts? Do you agree or disagree? Is Lizzo opposing body positivity, when she says she loves being big and plus-sized, yet she exercises and diets, which many perceive as her trying to lose weight?

Follow my IG & Twitter: @jwayspillz

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calpalirwin · 4 years ago

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Skinny Skinny is gonna make me fuckin cry, watch.

Like I’m sure we’re all gonna be able to relate to it. It’s about not being comfortable in your skin.

But, I’ve seen the pictures of Ashton when he was younger. We all have. He was a scrawny kid. And as a fellow scrawny kid, I can understand that pain. The pain of wanting to fill out your body, of wanting those curves, but also being fuckin terrified anytime your weight starts to go up because let’s face it, the world looks at “skinny” as sexy rather than admitting that what’s really sexy is healthy, regardless of what that looks like.

It’s something I suffered with myself. The state ID I got when I turned 18 says I was 98 pounds. And I had people marveling at that weight. “I wish I could be THAT thin!” No you don’t! No high school senior should weigh less than 100 pounds soaking weight! But I laughed it off because for me, that weight was healthy. It wasn’t anything I was doing or not doing. That’s just how my body was. I still had my stubborn layer of tummy fat no one likes. I ate regularly. But my body didn’t let me keep weight and I couldn’t help that.

I went on birth control when I was 18 and the hormones in it made me gain weight. By 19 I was 115. I felt great. I was proud I had that weight. My mom was FLOORED. And not in a good way. “I was barely a 100 when I was your age. Are you pregnant?” Haha, no mom, thanks for that insightful comment (it bothered me then, it doesn’t now because I know that if she knew HALF the things I’ve kept from her, she’d be nothing but apologetic).

From about 20-21 until just this year actually, I stayed in the 130-135 range. Again, not at all unhealthy. I NEVER ONCE saw my weight as an unhealthy thing. The numbers NEVER bothered me. And I truly mean that.

How it LOOKED however, is another story. Stubborn layer of body fat that grew with the weight I put on? Check. Stretch marks on my thighs and breasts? Check and check. Never bothering to tell my mom my weight again because cracks about “oh, you’re just not as active as I was at your age” as if that was the reason. Definitely check because um no. Like yes, I am lazy. But I do do things as well.

I’ve always tried to work out when I can, get into a routine. It hasn’t always worked. I fell victim to the endless cycle of swearing up and down I’d make it a habit, slip up after a few days, and then slowly hate myself until that hatred rose to a level that made me swear up and down I’d make it a habit. I’d go camping once a year where I’d climb rocks for three days straight. I’d go hiking with my friends in preparation for that trip. I took PE classes to fill out my schedule or used the gym on my school’s campus. I also walked a lot because I didn’t drive until last year. And now that I do drive, I park in a place that encourages the most walking. I continued to eat regularly. And while I won’t say I ever ate healthy, I don’t necessarily eat unhealthy either.

This last year I’ve done a lot better because I moved out and stopped taking birth control. With my mental health on the rise, my physical health has also been on the rise. Whether it’s the lack of hormones, a slow decrease in depressive episodes, working out more, or a combination of all 3, I’m currently operating between 120 and 125 pounds. And again, my empahsis is on HOW my weight LOOKS rather than the number itself. And yeah, I still struggle with it not looking how I’d like. But more often than not these days, I feel pretty damn good.

This post got away from me...

Tl;dr: I’m probably gonna cry listening to Skinny Skinny because the scrawny kid dilemma that often gets overlooked, is still a very real dilemma, and to have that representation from a musician I greatly admire is... an emotional experience to say the least.

#ashton irwin #tw: body image

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artemisfit · 4 years ago

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my reasons to lose weight

One thing i did when I decided to start losing weight was to write down one reason to lose for every pound of my goal weight. I want to be 137 lbs? I wrote 137 reasons to lose the weight to get there.

I want to preface this by saying that these reasons are just my personal reasons for wanting to lose weight, and they have no bearing on and hold no judgement for anyone else who might read the list. I do not judge anyone for where they are at in their life physically. We are all on our own path. That may sound really patronizing and flighty but it’s true. That being said, for those who suffer with negative body image, some of these reasons might be triggering for that, so please read on with that in mind.

I don’t even know why I’m posting all of these in a place where other people can see them rather than just keeping them to myself, but I know that the actual process of writing a reason for every pound of my goal weight is something that I found greatly encouraging, so maybe it’ll help someone else?

So without further ado, my reasons to lose weight will be beneath the cut, just because to have them just typed out would make this a very long post.

To stop hating how I look

To be able to look at my reflection in a full-length mirror without launching into a depressive episode

To be able to look at my own image during a video call without wanting to turn off my camera and hide

To be able to wear the clothes I want and look and feel good in them

To feel attractive and confident

To own my body instead of allowing my body to own me

To be able to enjoy food without being a victim of my appetite

To finally feel beautiful for once in my life

To have clear skin and a clean body

To be able to go up stairs or escalators without running out of breath

To get rid of the stretch marks on my skin

To potentially lessen my anxiety and depression

To be able to wake up at 5 in the morning and feel refreshed

To be the type of person who runs when stressed, not the type to eat her feelings

To never have to wear shapewear ever again

To know the strength that my body is capable of

To look like my own personal motivational photo

To not hate being in front of a camera because I know I’ll look fat in a photo

To treat my body with the respect it deserves

To hear the comments and compliments from friends/family/acquaintances

To be able to walk around a room in underwear or a dressing gown and feel sexy or at least not self conscious

To see the lower number on the scale at the doctor’s office and not feel like I’m being judged by the nurse

To look good in athletic tights

To be able to stop comparing myself to every girl that passes by (or worse, to my friends)

To be light enough for friends to pick me up

To get to a point where being “what I eat” doesn’t feel like an insult

To be able to wear form fitting clothes without bumps or rolls

To get rid of the bump at the top of my spine and improve my posture

To be able to go swimming without wanting to put a t-shirt on over my swimsuit

To potentially get over my fear and hatred of going shopping in person

To stop constantly thinking people are talking about me and how fat I am

To have more energy

To be more flexible

To not lose my breath after even minimal exertion

To be able to wear a dress without my thighs chafing so bad I get a rash

To get rid of my double chin and perhaps the size/jutting of my actual chin

To have a thinner face over all in addition to a thinner body

To know what having abs feels like

To be able to wear high waisted jeans that zip all the way up and don’t have that pulled gap by the button

To be able to wear “one size fits all” clothing

To be able to playfully sit in a friend’s lap without feeling like I’m going to crush their legs

To improve the strength of my heart

To be confident enough to do karaoke

To be confident enough to wear shorts and sundresses in summer

To be able to do yoga and pilates

To get back into karate or some other type of martial arts

To be able to go to the gym and not feel like everyone’s staring and judging me

To be more active like I was when I was a kid

To be able to run a 5k

To be able to delete the “weight loss” and “motivation” boards on my Pinterest because I don’t need them anymore

To never see a scale number above 150 again

To be able to wear single digit clothing sizes

To maybe see if losing weight helps me wear heels without as much pain

To get rid of the roll-over on my stomach

To have more confidence when it comes to any kind of romance

To never have to write down “lose weight” as a new years resolution ever again

To be able to fully close my coats and zip up my leather jackets

To have the only muffin top in my life be on actual muffins

To have longer, healthier hair, skin, and nails because my body is clean and healthy and can promote those things more easily

To not feel lethargic and lazy and like a slob all the time

To cry because I lost weight not cry because I gained it

To have my watches and bracelets fit perfectly without leaving marks – same for my rings

To confirm that I do actually have a smaller waist than it currently looks like I do

To lower my risk for health problems later in life

To get rid of the bulk on my thighs – I’ll never have a thigh gap but I can at least not have actual turkey legs

To be able to walk or run 4 miles every morning and not feel like I’m going to die

To stop being so utterly and constantly self-conscious and full of hatred about my own body

To not worry that the guy delivering my takeaway is judging me when I open the door

To look like someone who matches that “London life aesthetic”

To not fear stepping on the scale

To never hear my dad telling me I’ve gained weight again

To be able to encourage my mom in her own weight loss journey

To have thinner, more graceful fingers

To not be the fat friend

To be able to wear sexy, lacy lingerie and feel good in it and not have to buy it in a bigger size and then still be too self-conscious to wear it

To be able to be impressed by my own before and after pics

To not be afraid to see my own naked body when I get out of the shower

To be able to say that I did this, that I achieved my goal and changed my own life

To look good in baggy clothes, not like I’m trying to hide behind them

To enjoy exercise and feel the endorphins it produces

To be confident enough to go for nights out in London and have fun

To be able to buy a whole new wardrobe without feeling like I can’t buy certain things because there’s no way that they would look good on me

To have a higher percentage of muscle than fat

To feel like in at least one area I’m in control of my life and not letting it control me

To sleep better and wake up feeling rested

To hear the comments from my dad’s family in Egypt

To be able to dance around my apartment and not be worried that I left the blinds up

To feel more comfortable in various social situations

To not think that a guy who may or may not be looking at me from across the room is thinking negative things about my looks or my weight

To be able to fit into my fame & partners dress should I ever have an occasion to wear it

To stop feeling so desperate to find new, fad, or quick diets that probably wouldn’t work anyways

To be able to wear clothes like Julia from the magicians

To not feel like no matter what my makeup looks like I’m still ugly

To see the final goal weight number on the scale

To feel like I am worth the work and the effort and maybe even actually believe it

To be able to wear crop tops should I want to

To look good in any youtube videos I decide to make

To be able to make a youtube video or a series of videos at some point about how I lost weight and kept it off

To be able to tuck shirts in to my jeans or skirts and not immediately untuck it because I hate how it looks

To never have to spend hours looking up “weight loss” anywhere on the internet ever again

To feel my clothes get more and more loose

To know what it feels like to have a flat stomach

To not feel like I’m faking whenever I wear something stylish or remotely form-fitting

To be “that hot new phd student”

To have the possibility of a stranger telling me I’m pretty like they do my friends when we’re out (this one is quite selfish but I acknowledge that it’s still a reason)

To get to the point where eating healthy and drinking a gallon of water a day isn’t something I have to remind myself to do, it’s just second nature

To get to a point where I love myself, my whole self, rather than just hating the body I feel like I’m stuck in.

To get to the point where i love exercise and look forward to doing it multiple times a week

To eat intuitively and for enjoyment instead of eating recklessly and unhealthily

To know that I am what i have worked hard to become

To not feel so terrified about changing clothes when others are around

To have slimmer, toned legs

To have a good, shapely bum

To have my hair be my biggest concern when getting ready in the morning instead of “what clothes can I wear to hide my body today?”

To be able to take pictures of my body that will help inspire me and may in turn inspire others should I share them

To see the looks on my friends’ and family’s faces when I get back after being away for a while

To hear the comments from my friends and classmates

To stop hiding behind the camera all the time and be happy to stand in front of it

To stop the thighs of my jeans from wearing out so quickly

To be able to actually live in my body rather than just have it be the thing that takes my head from room to room

To stop feeling envious over the bodies of my friends (I know this is a toxic thing to do/think/live with and I want to get ride of this urge)

To not turn out like a lot of my family

To look more like the girl I used to be when I was a kid and to do her right/do her proud

To see more of the actual shape of my face (do I have good cheekbones? do I have a jawline that could cut a man?)

To be confident enough to go and do my running outside rather than feeling too awkward like people are going to stare and then just using a treadmill.

To get to the point where I know enough about nutrition and my body to be able to listen to it and give it what it needs, not just what I think I want

To get rid of some of the emotional and mental blocks that my physicality has built up for me which prevent me from doing the things I want to do and being the person that I want to be

To have a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, with myself, and with my mental image of myself.

To change the way I think about and talk about myself, to be less self deprecating and more proud

To be able to look at my own body and pictures of myself and find myself sexy and attractive

To be able to buy clothes in stores and not worry that they won’t fit when I get home and try them on

To get rid of the back rolls and actually see some definition in my shoulder blades

To see the look on old friends’ faces (and maybe even more so on those who weren’t friends) when they see how much I’ve changed

To prove people wrong

To prove myself wrong

To be the me that I pretend to be in my fantasies and daydreams

To be more myself, fully and completely, uninhibited and unrestrained

#weight loss #weight loss reasons #reasons for weight loss #fitness journey #weight loss journey #negative body image tw #body image tw #negative body image cw #body image cw

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